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darkdarkstucky · 1 year

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Enchanted, S. Rogers and C. Kent.

SUMMARY: In a world where Omega's were scant and decent alpha's even more so, you think you're one in a million to be in a relationship with Alpha's who not only take care of your every whims and need, but also love and respect you unconditionally. However, your marital bliss of two years is interrupted by the concept of ‘true mates’.

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader x Clark kent.

Warnings: Cursing, Angst.

CHAPTER THREE

“Wake up, buttercup!” Natasha cheerily exclaims, clapping her hands together after successfully pulling back the curtains to let the sunshine in your desolate quarters. You groaned sleepily turning your head towards the other direction, until she peeled the covers back from you.

“Uh-uh, we are not letting you sleep in the bed for days on end again.” the red head tuts, pulling your limp arm and ushering you towards a seating position. “Today, we're going out and walking on sunshine vampy.”

“No. Let me wallow in doubt and sadness.” you whine, eyes shut. You were still in dreamland, nestled in the covers with the ac on full blast— and you could literally spend days in the bed it feels like. You were always so sleepy and tired.

Part of you blamed it on over-thinking. Your brain must have been fueling up for all of your racing thoughts. Or it was only during sleep that you weren't thinking anything.

“Can't. The sun is up and the day is to be conquered. Where's your fucking spirit?”

“Oh wait! I remember where i left it, let me check.” you wiggled, making her hold loosen before you dived back into the sheets.

Comfy. So so nice.. you rub your face in Clark's pillow, sighing out in bliss. Just as you were about to doze off again..

“Nat!” you bellow, feeling yourself get lifted off the bed and towards the en suite.

“We're going out and fucking things up dollface! No excuses!”

☁️

“I feel like richard gere and you're my bitch- well, technically not one, but you get my point.” Nat nonchalantly puts down the menu, staring at you from across the table.

There was an astounding array of shopping bags placed neatly along the floor, both of you going haywire on different shops and swiping daddy's plastics, and only when you calmed down did you realize how much clothes you bought.

You'd feel bad, yet both Steve and Clark had gaslighted you early on that it isn't real money princess. So you went on your merry way each time and thought as if you were only playing pretend.

“Why can't i be a bitch?” you mutter, inbetween bites of garlic bread, basically inhaling the small tray of decadent pastry. It was crunchy, and soft on the inside with hints of melted cheese. Ohmy, you wanted to gobble it up.

Nat looked at you as if you were stupid. “Because.. you're rainbows, and butterflies and shiny shimmering glitter.”

You made a face, “You're saying i'm made of nice things? Aww, naty.”

“Yes, and if i put you in my mouth, you'll melt like a cotton candy.” she flippantly voices, which made both of you stare at eachother— silent and intent gazes, before bursting into laughter. Giggling at the unknown double entrede.

“Hello, madamme.” Your head snaps towards a slightly familiar older man decked in a pristine suit, an easy yet flattering grin on his face. “How are you finding your lunch? Has anyone taken your order yet?”

“Oh, hey ben. It's pleasant, as it always is. We've actually just placed our orders,” You smile in response.

“Oh that's great! and you're here with Mrs. Barnes, i see.” He politely nods to the red head. “Will you be joining Mr. Kent at the second floor? He's got an entourage, but i doubt it's concerning business. It appears to be more casual.”

“Is that so? I mean, Clark did say something about a lunch. Who's he with?” Your mouth moves faster than you could think.

In reality, the only thing you've recieved from both of them were casual goodmornings and update as to where they were. Steve was in France, Clark said he was in Russia. Atleast, that was what they told you.

“The usual, madamme. A couple of security details, and a new secretary. She seems to be new, atleast from who Mr. Kent usually keeps in his payroll.” The host narrates, thinking nothing of it. Everyone was already well aware of how much you meant to your husbands— to the point where nobody would bat an eye if they were seen out with another woman. Nobody could possibly believe they would replace you.

And you hated to jump into conclusions, but why would he need to lie?

Your heart wanted to lurch out of your chest. Nat's clearing of her throat made you snap out of your spiral; and you schooled your features back into a cheery expression once again.

“Well, if Mr. Kent wouldn't mind our presence.”

☁️

“.. I was actually a scholar of Kent foundation. Can you believe it? Our fates, so intertwined. It was really as if we were meant to be.” Lois gushes, leaning over in her chair, looking at him as if she were about to jump his bones.

Frankly, it made him quite uncomfortable. Nothing about this - if you could even call it a date, it was more like a formal gathering or a meet of sorts that he was inclined to arrange- felt natural, nor right.

Clark wanted to rely on his base instincts for direction but he couldn't grope for a shred of connection. Not even a silver of fondness, which is strange, considering thag they were supposed to be compatible— the person oppsite of him bore the genetic compatibility, as per several tests.

Though, what she said piqued his interest. “Which part of town would you say?”

“Upper east side,” Lois responds. Clark shifted in his seat, a smile making it's way to his features which held a considerable sway in her judgement. He asks a few more questions in that honeyed voice of his, to which she absently replied at.

“Huh, would you look at that.” He leans back in his seat, gears in his head turning but he maintained an easy smile on his face, mirth dancing in the darkened blue of his eyes.

“How about i permanently move your residence in, say, one of my towers?” Lois' breath hitched at the proposal.

“I-i mean, sure if that's what you want.” she gathered herself for a while, before remembering to act bashful and blinking up at him rapidly, smiling coyly. “I'm yours afterall. Your mate.”

You can hear the jeers and the laughter, staying through the conversation, until you found yourself feeling literal pangs of hurt in your chest. Fuck. What does all of this mean?

“Let me kill this son of a whore,” Nat was about to angrily storm inside, but you managed to stop her, putting an arm out.

“Don't even bother.” you murmur, finding it hard to find your own voice. At that point, you felt almost numb— as if your brain was shutting down from what you've heard, finding it difficult to process at all.

You woke up with the hope of your marriage still intact. Thinking, rather stupidly, that this was just a rather difficult hurdle in your marriage. Thinking that perhaps, this was all just a big misunderstanding like what you were repeatedly assured of.

But this was beyond even your wildest dreams. Nothing made sense. It was as if your world was crashing down on you all at once. True mates? It mocks you repeatedly.

Steve and Clark told you that you were the one. You believed them, because why would they lie to you? They had no reason to!

To get in your pants, silly. The rational, or was it pessimistic part of you said.

You blinked away the tears, turning around, and indulging in the manical urge that clouded all your rationality— run.

So you fled.

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sergeantbuckybarnes · 10 months

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two weeks ago // ben barnes

Summary: You and Ben broke up two weeks ago; you’re still not over it, but your friend convinces you to go to a party, and everything goes down when you see Ben there with a new girl.

Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: alcohol consumption, drunken reader, heartbreak, angst, but a happy ending

A/N: As always, remember English is not my first language. This isn’t proofread, so I apologize for any grammatical errors this may have

main masterlist | ben barnes masterlist

You were well aware that it was a terrible decision.

Attending a party just a fortnight after parting ways with your boyfriend, knowing fully well that he would be there as well? Utterly foolish.

However, your friend Kiernan possessed a remarkable talent for persuasion, and against your better judgment, you succumbed to her coaxing.

Little did you know that this ill-fated night would soon become one of the most wretched experiences of your life, second only to the heart-wrenching night of your breakup with Ben.

As you found yourself broken and tearful in the shadows, there he stood, radiant and resplendent, looking more magnificent than ever, with an enchanting blonde by his side, her arm intertwined with his.

The audacity of this man!

How dare he?

You swiftly exited the room before he could see you. The last thing you wanted was to grant him the satisfaction of witnessing your tears once more.

Kiernan was hot on your heels. “Y/N, wait! I'm sorry,” she said when she finally caught you. “I had no idea he would bring someone along.”

You offered a small, understanding nod. “Don't blame yourself, Kiki. It's not your fault. I just wanna go home.”

The memory of that fateful night reverberated relentlessly in your mind. The origin of the chaos remained a blur, a hazy recollection lost in the depths of your consciousness. However, there came a moment when tears streamed down your face while Ben struggled to hold back the tears that were brimming in his eyes. Despite the emotional turmoil, his voice remained resolute and unwavering. And within moments, he was walking out the door—not just out of your apartment but out of your life as well.

Maybe it was your fault.

Maybe you should have fought tooth and nail.

Maybe you shouldn't have given up on the slightest problem.

Maybe… Maybe you should have told him you loved him.

Oh, how desperately you wish you could go back to that night and change your mind.

But alas, it was too late now.

He had moved on.

It took him two weeks.

Two fucking weeks.

Maybe you were a fool.

Maybe you weren't as significant to him as you thought.

Maybe you fell harder than he did.

Maybe he didn't even fall.

Maybe he never felt a thing for you.

If he loved you, he would have spoken up, wouldn't he?

If he loved you, he wouldn't have walked away.

The first thing you did when you walked into your apartment was go straight for a bottle of vodka that you and Kiernan had been saving for special occasions. The pain in your heart begged for some kind of relief, and though you were aware that alcohol was merely a temporary and unwise solution, you consumed it without hesitation. The burning sensation as it slid down your throat was a harsh reminder of your desperation, yet you continued to drink until Kiernan swiftly took the bottle from your grasp.

“This isn't the answer, Y/N,” she said, her voice heavy with concern.

“I don't care,” you retorted defiantly, snatching the bottle back and taking another swig. "I’ve lost him forever."

Kiernan's face displayed a mixture of sadness and understanding. She knew all too well the depth of your feelings for Ben.

“Two weeks, Kiki. Just two goddamn weeks.” You slammed the bottle down on the counter, the weight of your emotions crashing down on you. The tears threatened to spill once more as the haunting images invaded your thoughts.

“He's a complete idiot, Y/N. You deserve better.” Your friend's words were meant to console you, but they only fueled the fire of longing within you.

“He's not. He's… he's perfect.”

There it was.

The first tear fell, followed by an unstoppable cascade.

“I want him back.”

Your friend stared at you, baffled. “What the hell, Y/N? Look at yourself. You're crying over him! He hurt you, and now you want him back?”

The irony wasn't lost on you.

You reached out, your trembling hand desperate to reclaim the bottle, but Kiernan swiftly evaded your grasp, maintaining a firm hold. The throbbing ache in your head intensified, a relentless reminder of the pain that consumed you. Was it the incessant crying or the potent alcohol that caused this torment? You couldn't be certain.

“It was a stupid fight,” you mumbled, the words barely escaping your quivering lips. In your heart, you knew that you had let your pride get the best of you, allowing him to slip away without a fight.

Yet, he too had succumbed to his own pride, refusing to stay and resolve the turmoil that had driven you apart.

It was a tragic dance between two souls too stubborn to admit their mistakes.

“He was with someone else, remember?”

Of course, you remembered. The image was etched into your mind, an indelible mark that you were certain would haunt your dreams tonight.

Overwhelmed by a deluge of emotions, you felt like you were drowning in a sea of despair. Each wave crashing against your fragile spirit, threatening to consume you entirely.

Desperation surged through your veins as you pleaded with Kiernan, “Give me the bottle.” Your outstretched hand reached for the refuge that lay within its glass confines, a temporary escape from the anguish that engulfed you. But Kiernan, ever the vigilant guardian of your well-being, took a step back, denying you that solace for the time being.

“No,” she said firmly, her voice laced with determination. “If you truly want to find solace, then confront him and seek the closure you crave. But resorting to this,” she added, gesturing towards the bottle, “won't resolve your troubles.”

As Kiernan's words sank in, you swiftly reached for your purse, retrieving your phone with purpose.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm gonna call him,” you simply said, unlocking your phone and dialing Ben's number.

Kiernan's eyes widened in alarm, but she was unable to snatch the phone from your grip in time. “No! You're drunk. You'll regret this come morning.”

You hushed her and patiently waited for Ben to answer on the other end. However, instead of hearing his voice, you were directed to his voicemail.

Sadness and longing turned into anger so quickly.

Guess he was too busy with his supermodel to pick up the phone.

So, when the beep signaled that you could finally record your message, you unleashed a torrent of emotions.

“It’s me… How are you doing, darling? I’m sure you’re having the time of your life at the party, but guess what? I'm not there. I'm here, drowning in my own misery. And it’s all your fault! You left me here, all alone, to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart.”

Your voice trembled with a mix of pain, anger, and raw vulnerability as you poured your heart out. The words spilled forth like a river in spate, uncensored and uninhibited.

“Two weeks! Two fucking weeks! And you’re already parading around some bimbo! But heaven forbid you from being that public with me! I hope she's everything you ever dreamed of. I hope she's the best thing that ever happened to you because you sure as hell are the worst thing that ever happened to me!” The words rolled off your tongue, laced with venom. Kiernan stood there, stunned and taken aback by the unexpected eruption. Silence lingered for a moment, like a thick fog enveloping the room, before you found your voice again.

“You couldn't even pick up the goddamn phone. You were too busy flaunting your new conquest, leaving me here to drown in my own tears. So, congratulations, my love. You broke me. You pushed me to the edge, and now I'm teetering, unsure if I can ever find my way back. But one thing is for certain: I love you, you know? You’re an asshole, but I’m fucking in love with you! And I hate that I can't hate you. Not even now.”

The fury that consumed your being gradually transformed into anguish, as vulnerability seeped into your voice. “Why wasn't I good enough, huh? Why wasn't I enough? Why did you make me fall madly in love with you, only to walk away? What was cheap to you, to me was all I had… You’re everything I want.”

By now, tears have cascaded down your face, as if a floodgate had been opened. Kiernan approached you with a gentle caution, reaching out to retrieve the phone from your trembling hand, putting an end to the distressing call.

That was enough for tonight.

Sun rays found their way through the gaps in the blinds, piercing through the darkness and aiming directly at your face. Despite your eyes being tightly shut, the persistent light managed to infiltrate, causing a wave of annoyance to wash over you. Letting out a low groan, you buried your face even deeper into the softness of the pillow. Your head was pounding, pulsating with each heartbeat as if a thousand tiny drums were beating inside your skull. Flashes from last night hit you hard, like a haunting slideshow, further deterring any desire to abandon the safety and comfort of your bed.

“Rise and shine, sunshine.”

Interrupting your struggle, Kiernan's cheerful voice broke through the fog of your discomfort, causing you to emit yet another groan.

“I don’t wanna get up,” you mumbled, your voice muffled by the pillow.

“Well, lucky for you, I'm a thoughtful friend, and I'm not going to let you wallow in sadness, basking in your heartbreak,” she declared, pulling back the curtains to flood the room with light. “Come on, I made breakfast.” She clasped her hands together, urging you to leave the bed.

Reluctantly, you complied. You threw on your robe, realizing that you had been too intoxicated the night before to change into your pajamas. Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you noticed the smeared makeup and disheveled hair.

Truly, you were a sight to behold.

“Here,” Kiernan said, extending a glass of water and painkillers as you entered the kitchen.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, accepting the offering.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” you retorted, taking a bite of the avocado toast to soothe your queasy stomach.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” She probed gently.

“You mean, do I remember witnessing Ben proudly flaunting his new trophy? Yes, I do, Kiernan.”

“What about the phone call?” She asked cautiously, her voice tinged with trepidation.

Confusion furrowed your brow. “What phone call?”

“You don’t remember?” Kiernan's voice betrayed a mixture of surprise and worry.

Clearly, the memory eluded you.

Shaking your head, you implored, “What are you talking about?”

“When we came back from the party, you started drinking and… You were angry and sad… And I swear I tried to stop you, but… ” Kiernan's voice trailed off, her guilt evident.

“Get to the point, Kiernan!”

“You called Ben.”

Your body froze as your friend uttered those words.

Oh, no.

Oh, no…

“He didn’t pick up, though,” she quickly added.

Oh, thank goodness.

“So you left him a voicemail,” she concluded, and suddenly, your entire world collapsed.

“What exactly did I say?” You managed to ask, unsure if you truly wanted to hear the response.

“Well, you called him out for moving on so quickly; you told him that he was the worst thing that had happened to you… And you told him that you loved him.”

You buried your face in your hands, desperately wishing for the ground to open up and swallow you whole. After months of holding back those three words in your relationship, it was beyond frustrating that the first time you uttered them was in a drunken voice message, two weeks after the breakup.

“I can't believe this is happening to me...”

“Maybe he doesn't think anything of it,” Kiernan offered, trying to be helpful, but her attempt fell flat.

Despite the brevity of your relationship, you knew Ben inside and out. There was no way he would overlook that voicemail.

What a way to humiliate yourself... Thank goodness you at least didn't remember it.

It was clear that luck was clearly not on your side, and it became even more apparent when the doorbell suddenly chimed. Glancing at the kitchen clock, you realized it was half past nine in the morning. It was Sunday, and neither you nor Kiernan were expecting any visitors.

“It’s him,” you said.

Kiernan raised an eyebrow, clearly puzzled. “How can you be so sure?”

“Who else would it be?” you replied, the weariness of the situation evident in your voice.

“Do you think he cares enough to show up here at this ungodly hour on a Sunday?” Kiernan questioned skeptically.

You shrugged. “He’s full of surprises.”

Which was true. Ben never stopped surprising you, both for better and for worse.

“Do you want me to open?” Kiernan asked.

Did you want her to open the door? It was a valid question, one that left you pondering your own conflicted feelings.

The doorbell rang once more, the sound becoming increasingly irritating.

Resigned, you let out a weary sigh. “Let him in.”

Kiernan approached the door, her hand reaching for the knob. And you were right. It was him. And he kept looking as radiant as the night before, only this time the smile was missing from his face.

“Hey, Kiernan,” he greeted your friend, his voice filled with a mix of familiarity and uncertainty. “Is Y/N home?”

The protective instinct within Kiernan surged forward. “Why do you want to see her?”

“I need to talk to her.”

Reluctantly, Kiernan swung the door open wider, allowing Ben to enter. You avoided eye contact with him; your gaze focused on your friend. At that moment, a silent conversation unfolded between you, the unspoken question, “Are you okay?” hanging in the air. With a simple nod, you reassured your friend, and Kiernan understood your wordless response. She bid her farewell and departed from the apartment.

Once you were alone, silence took over the room. Neither of you uttered a word. You could sense his penetrating gaze fixated on you, yet you stubbornly avoided making eye contact, choosing instead to focus on the coffee that had long since turned cold.

Ben cleared his throat. “Are you not going to say anything?”

With a nonchalant demeanor, you retorted, “You’re the one who came here. I have nothing to say.”

“You seemed to have a lot to say last night.”

Low blow.

You shrugged. “I was drunk.”

A hint of disappointment colored Ben's voice as he replied, “That much I could tell.”

“Then why are you here?” You questioned as your gaze finally met his.

“There’s nothing between Alexia and me,” he said. “We are just friends.”

Oh, so that’s her name…

You scoffed, your eyes rolling in disbelief. “Yeah, right,” you replied sarcastically. “I don't give a damn. Do whatever the hell you want.”

“You sounded like you really cared in your message.”

“I don’t remember what I said; I was drunk… People do stupid shit when they’re drunk. Calling their exes is one of them.”

“You know, it’s not fair that you blame our breakup solely on me.”

“I'm not blaming you,” you sighed, feeling the weight of your throbbing headache and aching heart. “Nobody is.”

“Yes, you did. You said it was all my fault.”

You let out a groan, the pain in your head intensifying. This conversation was the last thing you needed right now.

“Why do you even care about what I said? You've moved on, haven't you? Go spend your day with your new girl!”

“Alexia and I are just friends,” he insisted once again.

“Well, if that’s how you act with your friends, I’m glad we are no longer together.”

His face contorted into a frown, clearly stung by your words. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She clearly fits your type. I see you have no problem flaunting her around town,” you calmly stated, though your words dripped with underlying resentment. “I suppose your privacy isn't a priority anymore.”

“I don’t like what you are insinuating, Y/N,” he retorted, his voice heavy with displeasure.

“I am not insinuating anything; I am simply stating the facts. How many times have you gone out of your way to avoid being seen with me by the paparazzi? How many times have you refused to hold my hand in public?” Your frustration grew as you spoke the unadulterated truth, while he attempted to invalidate your feelings. “I guess you don't care about being seen with her and rumors circulating. So, it's evident that the problem lies with me. I’m sorry for not being good enough for you, for being beneath you in every aspect.”

“Is that what you think of me?” he inquired, his voice tinged with a hint of sorrow. “That’s the kind of guy you think I am?”

“It's the image you're portraying,” you responded, resolute in your stance.

“I was trying to protect you!”

“How considerate you are… Well, thank you very much for your protection… Look where we are because of it.”

“Stop blaming me!”

“It is your fault!” You finally raised your voice. “You're the one flaunting your new fling just two weeks after we called it quits… It’s wonderful to see how much our relationship meant to you.”

For a moment, a flicker of regret glinted in Ben's eyes. “I never wanted it to end this way.” His admission was soft, almost defeated.

The words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of what could have been. You felt the anger still coursing through your body, but you knew that engaging in another pointless argument with him would only lead to more pain.

"It's too late now," you replied calmly.

What’s done is done. And no matter how much you wanted to go back to that dreadful night and change your mind. The urge to rush into his arms, seeking the solace that had always been exclusive to his embrace had to be dismissed.

It didn’t matter, because he didn’t want you back.

“Is it?” he asked, his voice tinged with a glimmer of hope.

What?

He approached the kitchen counter, where you remained steadfast, having not budged from that spot since he had stepped foot into the apartment.

You furrowed your brow, trying to make sense of his words. His statement didn't quite match up with the situation.

“Is it too late, Y/N?” he asked again.

“Of course, it’s too late. You’re with someone new,” you replied, your voice laced with a tinge of bitterness.

Ben let out a frustrated sigh, his eyes searching yours for understanding. “For the last time, I’m not dating Alexia.”

Your retort was on the tip of your tongue, ready to be unleashed, but before you could utter a word, he spoke again.

“We both got cast in a movie together, and they wanted us to go to that party as a pair.”

“You got the part?” You asked, momentarily forgetting about the situation at hand.

For weeks, Ben had been eagerly awaiting that phone call. Even during moments of doubt, you had been there to reassure him that he had done an amazing job during his audition, and it was only a matter of time before he received the call.

And you had been right. They called, and he got the role. However, you had not been there to celebrate with him as you had promised.

A small smile formed on his lips. Though subtle, it still made your stomach flip inside you. It held a certain charm that made it impossible to resist.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Told you, you would,” you said. “I didn't peg you for someone who would pull a PR stunt, though.”

“I didn’t have a say in it.”

Silence hung in the air. While you were unfamiliar with the inner workings of the industry, you understood that actors often had no option but to partake in such stunts to capture public and media attention. You couldn't hold him responsible for succumbing to the pressure.

“She’s really pretty.” Your focus returned to your coffee, unable to meet his gaze, not when you were feeling this vulnerable and tears were welling up in your eyes.

“Yeah, she is… But she’s not you,” he replied softly, his words infused with genuine sincerity. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Y/N, and I wish I could go back to that night; I really do.”

His confession compelled you to lift your head, locking eyes with him once more. At that moment, you realized he too was battling his own tears, his gaze reflecting nothing but honesty and vulnerability.

“I wish I could take it all back, take back the hurt I've caused you,” he continued, a hint of remorse in his voice. “And I wish I had told you I loved you.”

A lump seized your throat when you heard him pronounce those three words. Those three words that you had left in his voicemail—a message you had no memory of recording.

“Did you mean it?” he asked cautiously.

You nodded, not trusting your voice right now.

How could you not love him? It was as if a magnetic force had brought you together from the very first glance. A connection so strong, it awakened emotions you never knew existed. He had a way of making you feel special. Every second spent by his side was filled with joy, comfort, and a deep sense of belonging. It was impossible not to be drawn to his kind soul. Yes, of course you loved him, because he brought out the best in you and made you believe in love.

With a gentle touch, his hand extended to brush away a tear trickling down your cheek. The warmth of his hand against your skin sent shivers down your spine.

Oh, how badly you had missed his touch…

“I love you,” you finally whispered. “I love you so much, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”

As the words escaped your lips, a wave of relief washed over you. The weight on your chest began to lift, replaced by a glimmer of hope.

Ben's eyes softened, a mixture of surprise and joy dancing within them. A tender smile tugged at the corners of his lips, as he leaned in closer, his forehead gently resting against yours.

Those three words, so delicately uttered, felt like a dream to him. They held a different meaning than the drunken voicemail he had listened to. They felt real and genuine. It was as if the alcohol had merely blurred the edges of your emotions, while now, in this vulnerable moment, they shone with clarity and truth.

The walls between you crumbled, and all that remained was the rawness of your emotions. You found solace in each other's vulnerability, knowing that you were both willing to mend what had been broken.

“I don't want to lose you. I want to make things right; give us another chance.”

There they were. The words you had longed to hear for two weeks, and which you thought you'd only hear in your dreams.

He wanted you back.

And you wanted him back.

Yet, a sense of hesitation crept over you.

“I don’t want to lose you either, but we can’t just ignore what happened.”

He gripped your hand tightly as if he feared you’d slip away again. “I understand, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I want us to grow stronger from this.”

You traced the lines on his palm, feeling the warmth and stability that had been missing for these agonizing weeks. “It still hurts. How can you guarantee it won’t happen again?”

“I can't guarantee anything, but I can promise to be more mindful of your feelings. To communicate openly and honestly, rather than burying things under layers of bitterness and silence. I never want to hurt you again.”

You looked into his eyes, sensing the honesty that radiated from within, and you realized that the love you felt for him was stronger than the hurt that had led to your breakup. His vulnerability and his willingness to confront his own mistakes and grow from them spoke volumes about the person he was and the depth of his love for you.

“Let’s give it another chance.”

Ben's eyes filled with a sense of relief, and he released a deep breath he had been holding onto for far too long. With a tender motion, he closed the tiny gap between your mouths.

Oh, how badly you have craved his soft lips… You almost forgot how good they felt against yours.

Your lips molded against each other with a perfect fit. The taste of familiarity and warmth danced on your tongue, blending with the electric pulse coursing through your veins.

As you reluctantly pulled apart, you instinctively enveloped him in your arms. Your face nestled into the crook of his neck, taking in the comforting scent that was uniquely his. In response, he reciprocated the gesture, encircling you tightly in his embrace, drawing you even closer...

“I’ve missed you,” you mumbled against his skin.

Oh, how good it felt to be back in his arms…

Ben let out a satisfied sigh, his embrace growing tighter as he murmured softly, “I’ve missed you, too.”

You held onto him tightly, savoring the moment. The past two weeks behind you, no longer relevant to the future that lies ahead of you.

#ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes x you #ben barnes x y/n #ben barnes oneshot #ben barnes one shot #ben barnes fanfic #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes fic

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connorswhisk · 1 month

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doodlebug - autistic!clementine, seasons 1&2

for @lonlonmilck - i hope you enjoy! i absolutely LOVED writing this one :)

if you'd like to request a twdg fic, shoot me an ask!

also on my ao3

After they leave Lilly behind, Clementine sort of…shuts down, for a minute. Kenny, Katjaa, and Duck all stay up front in the RV, and Lee goes to speak with them. While he’s gone, Clem considers joining Ben at the table and seeing how he is, but something tells her Ben doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

She wishes Carley were still here. Carley was always nice to hang around, she used to find leaves around the motor inn for Clementine to do her rubbings with. Clem longs to feel a pencil beneath her fingers again, a piece of powdery pink chalk in her hands, but her body doesn’t seem to want to cooperate on that front.

She’s scared. She’s been scared this whole time. But right now, she feels the most terrified she’s ever been. Worse than Sandra, and the walkers at the drugstore, and even worse than when she’d crawled out of the vent in the St. Johns’ barn and seen the horrible room full of blood and blades waiting for her. This, somehow, is so much worse than any of that.

When Lee tells her Duck’s been bitten, Clem gets angry.

“I thought he was just tired, and that’s why he didn’t want to talk to me today.” She scowls. “I didn’t know he was stupid enough to get bit. ”

“Clem,” Lee says. Concern laces his tone. “You know it isn’t anyone’s fault. These things…they happen, now. It’s how the world is.”

“But he’s my friend, ” says Clem, and suddenly she’s crying just like the whiny little baby she is, hot tears splashing out and down her cheeks. “I don’t want him to go…”

“We don’t know everything about these yet,” Lee reassures her, a hand on her shoulder. If it were anyone other than Lee touching her, Clem would recoil; but it is Lee, so she leans into it, not away. “Duck could bounce back. We could still find a way to help him.”

But the way he talks makes it sound like Duck is already dead.

I wouldn’t have let your friend get bit, says the stranger on the walkie talkie. If I were there, he’d still be alive and playing with you.

The worst part is that Clem has no idea whether or not to believe him.

– – –

Lee dies, and Clementine nearly doesn’t make it out of Savannah. Not after him, not after the stranger and his bowling bag, not after her Mom and Dad - she leaves Lee, because she has to, but she gets stuck at the door and can’t bring herself to open it.

Because if she opens it, he’s really gone. And all the walkers outside - they’re loud, moaning and groaning and wailing all over the place, the swarm they brought down with them when they took the train. Before it had been easier; Lee had smeared the guts on her, Lee had held her hand and kept her close as they moved through the crowded, jostling pack. Now, she’s alone. She has to freshen the entrails herself, and the smell and the feeling of them all slippery and warm beneath Clem’s fingers nearly makes her puke. She has no hand to hold, and for one fleeting moment, she thinks it might be easier to just stay here. With him.

But that’s not what Lee would have wanted. And Christa and Omid are out there somewhere, waiting for her. She has to find them.

She has to find them.

So she opens the door, and she holds her palms against her ears.

– – –

“Do you blame me?” Clem asks. “It’s my fault he’s gone.”

“I don’t blame you,” Christa tells her, and Clem knows that she lies.

– – –

“I think you’ll get along well with Sarah,” Pete tells her, even though they’re still convinced it’s a walker bite and Luke refuses to carry her any longer.

“Who’s Sarah,” asks Clem, rather dully. Her arm hurts like a motherfucker; she can still hear Sam’s dying whine from when she slid the knife beneath his matted yellow fur.

“She’s another girl,” Luke tells her. “Bit older than you, but sweet. You guys might have some things in common.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Clementine demands, and Luke blanches.

“I didn’t mean - only that - “

Pete saves him. “She could just really use a friend closer to her own age,” he says kindly. “I bet you could, too.”

The last age-appropriate friend Clem had was Duck, and Duck got bit. She doesn’t exactly have high hopes for this Sarah kid, either. Really, she shouldn’t be making any friends, because they’ll all just leave her eventually, and then she’ll be alone again.

Maybe she’s the common denominator. Maybe, if she lets people be, no one else will have to die.

But she knows on her own, she wouldn’t survive.

Sarah is sweet, it’s true, and nice enough, but she doesn’t get it. She’s never killed a walker and when Clem tries to teach her how to use a gun, Sarah nearly shoots her right between the eyes.

“Don’t point that at me!” Clementine exclaims. “You never, ever point a gun at someone, even if you know it’s not loaded! If you keep doing that, you’re going to get someone killed.”

Sarah shrinks in on herself. She lowers the pistol, embarrassed. “Ok,” she whispers, the grimy lenses of her crimson glasses fogging up with unshed tears. “I’m sorry. Just…please don’t shout at me.”

Clem hadn’t even realized she’d been yelling. She hadn’t meant to hurt Sarah’s feelings, it’s only that she has to know these things. If Lee hadn’t taught Clem everything he had, she wouldn’t still be alive. She knows that.

And Sarah is sweet, even if she’s naive. Clementine doesn’t want her to die. “Why can’t you tell me who that guy at the door was?!” Clem demands, and Sarah wilts and bites her fingernails and says, “I’m sorry I’m sorry I just - I can’t remember!”

Clem sighs; she pulls Sarah into a hug and holds her there until she calms down again.

Jane is blunt, like her. Jane knows how hard it is to lose the ones you care about, to be left all by your lonesome. Clem likes her, likes that she’s smart enough to use the guts as a disguise and flirt with Troy ‘til the walkers get him. She admires Jane’s poker face, and her short-chopped hair, and how she teaches Clem to take them out at the knee so it’s easier to reach their skulls.

But then Jane wants to leave Sarah in the trailer home. And Clem understands - more than anyone bar Carlos, and Carlos is gone - that Sarah can be difficult, but Jane’s so quick to abandon her for dead that Clementine starts to worry, and not just for her friend.

If Jane hates Sarah, and Sarah and Clementine are alike, at least a little bit…does that mean Jane hates Clementine, too?

“I’m sorry,” Jane tells her, after Sarah’s screams stop and all Clem can hear from below is the wet sounds of feasting on flesh. “I tried to save her, I really did, I know she was your friend…I tried to save her, Clementine.”

And Clem knows that she lies.

– – –

The first time she ever holds AJ in her arms, he stops his fussing and stares up at her with such innocent, big brown eyes that Clem nearly chokes on her own tongue right then and there. She passes him back to Rebecca and wonders what the hell a look like that is supposed to mean, from a new-born baby who’ll never know the way things used to be before the dead started walking.

At Wellington, alone in their room, he is all she has. Jane is dead, Kenny left them behind to stay safe. AJ doesn’t talk yet. He barely even gurgles. All he seems to do is cry - when he’s hungry, when he needs his diaper changed, when he’s tired and he can’t fall asleep. Clem stays up with him in the night, loses her own sleep to make sure he gets his. She shushes him and rocks him in her arms and hums him little songs until those brown eyes flutter shut and he finally drifts off to bed.

She’s exhausted, and she’s almost as lonely as she was before. She looks down at the baby in her arms and feels…nothing. Nothing except for the guilt, and that she can’t do anything about.

Then one night, AJ hands her a doodle, balled up and crumpled in his meaty little fist. It’s nothing more than a few scribbles, mixtures of yellow and green crayon that blend to make a muddy brown. The colors of the leaves right at the end of summertime. He doesn’t make a sound as he gives it to her, but when she takes it in her hands, she knows it’s hers and hers alone.

“Thank you,” she tells him, softly, feeling more vulnerable than she has in months, and her tears catch in his tiny curls as she presses the first of many, many kisses to her goofball’s forehead.

#twdg #twdg clementine #twdg fanfic #autistic character #autistic clementine #twdg sarah #twdg aj #my writing

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m0chigang · 1 year

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April Wrap Up ✨

I have my iPad back, I can get back to books I really really really wanted to read, but I had a hard time picking up some books bc I was too focused on fanfics (I blame Ben Barnes). As always, spoiler alert just in case.

1. Circe - 5/5

LISTEN I AM A CHANGED WOMAN. I HAVE NEVER FELT THE FEELINGS I FELT IN THIS BOOK. My heart broke and restored at the same time, I was sadly happy, happily sad. Like... I felt my heart physically rip with the last chapter. Madeline Miller is already the owner of my wallet, I will pre-order everything she writes and I will cry when the time is right. I think I liked this more than The Song of Achilles...

2. As Long as the Lemon Trees Grow - 5/5

I was halfway through the book and I cried 4 times... FOUR TIMES AND THE BOOK WASN'T OVER. The plottwist made it a 5 star immediately. I remember thinking "this better not happen" and BAM! my world changed. The romance was just so innocent and beautiful, and then you had the most terrible things happen 2 lines later and you came back to reality. It makes you think of the world and what really matters. And the book is so hopeful. I love it.

3. The Six Deaths of the Saint - 4/5

The only reason it is not a 5 star is because I NEEDED MORE. Bro this was so beautifully written. I usually can't stand 2nd person POVs, but in this book it had a purpose that left me SHOOK. The way the violence and war was written here was beautiful. I need more.

4. The Year of the Witching - 4/5

A friend told me to read it. I loved it. I was shooketh by it, and I want more. Bring Lilith to ANY book and I will read it. Ezra is literally the bestest man I have ever read?? Let me marry him?? I was kind of expecting a non-happy ending, but then we wouldn't have a sequel. ALSO *spoiler* I would have let everyone die and join the witches with the condition that Ezra stayed alive.

5. The Midnight Library - 3.5/5

Ngl, I read this because of BTS, but last time I did that I found one of my favourite books so I had to read it. It made me understand the song Zero O'clock better. As for the book itself, it has an interesting concept, but it made me have mini existential crisis? Which I didn't like?? It did feel like a help book but I was not the target audience for it, it was good, but it is not the way I see life.

#what i read this month #april wrap up #reading #reading challenge #book tumblr #Circe #as long as the lemon trees grow #The year of the witching #the six deaths of the saint #the midnight library

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 1 year

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Aleksander Season 2 Interview Theories/Analysis

(Book Spoilers, including Demon in the Woods)

I want to talk about a recent interview I read and some of the things Ben said in it about the darkling and darklina because honestly after reading it I was feeling pretty conflicted but I think there are some really intriguing bits of info in there and some interesting topics that are brought up.

A couple of things he said that did make me happy clap and get excited over was this:

The Darkling can be the villain, but that doesn’t make him less compelling a character. And for Barnes, that starts with the books – but it’s also reflected in the stylistic choices the show makes. For example, the kefta the Darkling is wearing in Season 2, “has the little gold thread sewn through what was all black before.” That’s intentional, and Ben sees it as Kirigan and Alina “leaving a piece of each other” in one another. Not only that, he added that for his character, “that’s a very difficult thing to shake.”

“She was representative of something hopeful to him, something he really did put stock in — her power and who she was — and really felt that they started something which might have made a difference to what he was hoping to achieve.” But at the end of the day, as Barnes put it “with this kind of villainy, he believes in his agenda and is willing to suffer the consequences of chasing it.”

What I loved about this part of the interview is that its things that the darklina fandom have picked up on and had discussions around themselves. We’ve talked about how we thought the gold thread symbolised how there was a piece of the other in each of them and we’ve talked about how Alina represented hope to Aleks and how he really did think they could change the world for the better together. It’s always a bit of a thrill when you see an actor or someone involved in the show confirming what you as a fan and fandom have speculated about, so I was really excited to see him talking about this.

There was something else that Ben said though that I think raises a topic I don’t think is talked about enough in the grishaverse fandom.

For both Alina and Genya, the “big bad” is the Darkling, but Barnes shared that the Darkling doesn’t see himself as the villain. “Like all really kind of toxic villains he believes himself to be the victim,” he told us. And he finds someone else to blame for his actions, or for the decisions he’s made. “And then when it comes to Alina, he feels their connection and sees something of himself in her, but I think he discovers that if he’s not going to be able to kind of dig out an old version of himself who is capable of love, then it’s going to be hate and anger instead, and he’s going to lead with that.”

So the part I want to focus on first is the line ‘he believes himself to be the victim.’ (And just as a side note here I am in no way criticising Ben here its more an observation about the narrative and fandom as a whole then what Ben has said individually.) Here’s what bothers me a little about this statement and that is that Aleksander is a victim. He was the victim in Demon in the Woods when Annika and Lev tried to kill him and wear his bones, he was a victim when the Old King Anastas and his men hunted him down, he was a victim when those King’s men shot him full of arrows, he was a victim when they killed Luda purely because they knew that was someone he loved and it would hurt him to see her die. So my first reaction upon seeing that statement was well of course he sees himself as the victim, he’s been victimised pretty much his entire life. Not only has he had to face people trying to kill him from as young as 13 he also has spent his whole life with people hating and fearing him purely because he is a shadow summoner, by otkazat'sya and grisha alike, he’s been branded with names like heretic and (in the show) darkling and likely never felt welcome anywhere. Despite all that, at the age of 13 he took on his own personal mission of making sure the grisha would one day have a safe place and he never stopped trying to reach that goal.

I know that the Darkling does some villainous things, I’m not disputing that, but just because he has gone down a darker path himself, due to the trauma he’s faced from others, doesn’t erase that he himself has been the victim, which is something it seems like the narrative and parts of the fandom have forgotten or dismissed. Which brings me to the part about how he (the darkling) always finds someone else to blame for his actions. Again this made me think of another behaviour within the fandom. Two things I have seen antis say quite a bit is that the darkling always plays the victim and that he blames everyone else. But this does show some hypocrisy within the narrative and the fandom. If you go and watch the pilot of season 1 on netflix right now you’ll find that they have added a new animated intro where Aleksander is explaining the creation of the fold. There is one moment where the narration says that the grisha are still hated because of the sins of the black heretic aka the darkling. In the clip from season 2 between Nikolai, Alina and Mal, Nikolai says that the first army has turned on grisha thanks to what the darkling did in the fold. These are arguments we see alot within the fandom too, I’ve seen so many posts saying well if the darkling hadn’t created the fold the grisha wouldn’t be hated now, or if the darkling hadn’t expanded the fold into Novokribirsk then the first army wouldn’t have turned on the grisha. So I find it kind of funny when people make the argument that the darkling is always blaming others for his actions when both the narrative and the fandom do the same thing but to Aleksander. Instead of blaming the first army for attacking the grisha they place more blame on Aleks, instead of blaming Anastas for hunting down grisha they blame Aleks, if a branch falls off a tree in Ravka then it must be Aleks’ fault. The problem with this is they put more blame and spew more hatred towards Aleks for the part he played in it than they do to the actual perpetrator of the crime. Another example of this is the whole thing with him, Genya and the King. Now I am not going to get into the whole debate of whether Aleks knew before he gave Genya to the Queen what the King was like, pretty sure I have another post somewhere on my blog covering it, but one thing that always boggled my mind was how much hate and anger was directed at the darkling for his involvement in it but how little was directed at the King, or at the Queen who also not only turned a blind eye but also made Genya’s life 1000% times worse by switching from doting on her to treating her with disdain and hatred for something that was not her fault. Blaming the darkling for these things diminishes the responsibility of the ones who actually commit the crimes and so people like the King, The Queen, The Apparat, Vasily, The First Army, the Fjerdan’s, The Shu Han, The Grisha slave owners, Anastas etc all have their crimes overlooked, they are ignored by both narrative and fandom alike in favour of instead piling more hatred and blame onto the darkling as if somehow his crimes are worse than all those others commit. So you can maybe make the argument that the darkling blames others for his actions, and sure maybe to some extent that’s true, but the truth is the darkling gets blamed more for others actions than he himself does the blaming.

Another statement that had me half a little worried and half intrigued is this one:

In season 2, however, there are no masks. There is no pretending. General Kirigan, aka The Darkling, is going full villain, something Barnes was really excited about. “Those masks have all dropped. And we’re looking at the way he’s sort of being poisoned from within by his literal shadow demons.” But it’s not just the shadow monsters, it’s that the position he finds himself in “affords him the opportunity to tell the truth how he sees it, and sort of really let rip and kind of go full dark on everything because he’s got nothing left to lose.”

So here its talking about how in season 2 the darkling is going to go full villain. One of my biggest complaints about the books was how in the first book the darkling was this really complex and intriguing character who then in subsequent books becomes very 2d villain and my biggest fear about the show adapting the later books was that they would do the same, so the full villain comment did make me a bit concerned. Whilst I think it could be really entertaining to see the darkling drop the mask and stop holding back, I am still hoping they will keep his complexity. From the ‘nothing to lose’ comment it does look like the darkling is going to be a force to be reckoned with and much more dangerous than he was in season 1, which again could be interesting to see. What I do find particularly interesting is the comment about how he is sort of being poisoned from within by his shadow demons. This could be a really interesting concept to explore. In a previous section where it was talking about seeing himself as a victim it also says this:

“And then when it comes to Alina, he feels their connection and sees something of himself in her, but I think he discovers that if he’s not going to be able to kind of dig out an old version of himself who is capable of love, then it’s going to be hate and anger instead, and he’s going to lead with that.”

What’s interesting about this is the part about, if he can’t dig out an old version of himself that is capable of love, its interesting because it suggests that Aleksander does try to get back to that older version of himself and that he tries to do this because of Alina and the connection he feels between them and honestly this kind of makes me want to cry. But it does make me wonder if it ties in with the aforementioned poisoning from his shadows. Maybe part of the reason why he is struggling to get back there is because of the effect the merzost from the shadow demons is having on him, and that is pulling him further from the person he used to be and more towards the hateful, angry side that is fuelling him. From the way Ben is talking here, it sounds like in some ways the anger and hate is a defence mechanism and way of keeping himself isolated so that he doesn’t get too attached to someone he may lose.

Ben talks more about darklina’s connection in this section:

Season 2 gives them a connection, though, one that Barnes “wanted to sort of ground it in something that felt mindful and kind of meditative. And when he realizes this kind of new power that’s fuelling him,” it doesn’t take long before “they both start to sort of abuse that connection in their own ways, for their own agendas, and both end up basically trying to kill each other.”

“It’s a very unhappy marriage,” he joked.

I do find it funny that he describes it as a ‘unhappy marriage’ just because of all the marriage, husband/wife, symbolism that was throughout all of season 1. But when he talks about the ‘new power that’s fuelling him’ I do think this is in reference not just to the mind palace but the fact that they are able to use each other’s powers, Alina can summon shadows and Aleks can summon light, even though its not as strong as their own powers. I do think it could be interesting to see Alina and Aleks using this connection for their own agendas and kind of playing this game with each other, a kind of push and pull and dancing around each other, the whole thing could be deliciously complicated. Not sure how I feel about the whole trying to kill each other part but who knows maybe it’ll be a bit like the film Mr & Mrs Smith where they are supposed to kill each other because they are on opposite sides but ultimately because of their feelings for each other they can’t fully commit to actually going through with it.

Ok last part I want to talk about, I know this is getting a bit long, but this part really piqued my interest:

Barnes, however, also teased that the Darkling would, later in the season, start to ask “more difficult questions of himself, as he sort of wrestles with his own humanity and mortality.”

I definitely think it could be interesting to see Aleksander start to ask these difficult questions of himself but does anyone else think this sounds like this might hint at a bit of a redemption arc for Aleksander? That he might find himself in this kind of moral conundrum and in the end chooses the good side? I can’t help but wonder/worry that this season will end with Aleksander maybe having a come to the light moment and sacrificing himself for the ‘good guys’. Especially as it talks about wrestling with his own mortality. I mean if I am being honest, personally, I don’t want him to die this season because I really enjoy the character, to me he is the most interesting character on the show and I just don’t think I would enjoy the show as much without him in it. Not to mention what on earth would I do with this blog like 90% of it is me overanalysing Aleksander’s character? I wouldn’t mind actually seeing a situation where Aleks gets a sort of redemption at the end of this season and then next season they add a new villain where Alina’s crew have to work with Aleks’ in order to defeat them. It could create this really interesting, uneasy alliance where they have to struggle with their differences and their past wrongs for the sake of the greater good. Can you imagine, Nikolai, Alina and their guys working alongside Aleks and his grisha as well as having to work alongside the crows, come on you know there could so many interesting interactions between so many different characters.

Anyway that’s all I got for now, I am getting a bit more excited for the season as we get nearer, only three more days to go.

#darklina #aleksander morozova #the darkling #s&b season 2 spoilers

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padfootagain · 1 year

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A quick update, friends!

Just wanted to share a quick update after posting my first fic in a while, and discuss what I'm planning to do, and also ask for your opinion on a few things (a pole is under the cut if you're interested). I'm going to put everything under the cut to avoid bothering people who would not care about this post.

But before that, I would simply like to thank everyone who has read my new fic! I wasn't expecting to do so well on my come back, I've already received requests again... It really feels like I'm fully back, and I'm very grateful. So thank you so much to everyone!

Now, the rest is under the cut :

First thing first, again, thank you so much for the very positive feedback I got for my Sirius fic! It's very encouraging to me, and shows that I can still write good (or at least okayish) fics, despite being gone for so long! So thank you all again!

I've received two similar requests for some Ben Barnes fic (I don't know if it's the same person going on and off anon or just two separate ones that are just oddly similar...), requesting some shenanigans with the Shadow and Bone cast, the request is accepted and already written!

Concerning requests, I just wanted to remind you all that I do not write smut or nsfw content. If you make a request that could include smut, I will thus keep your idea but without any nsfw scene.

Quick update on where we're at! Here is my little list of all my fics that I have been working on or am currently working on :

You will recognize the first five fics as being the ones already included in my posting schedule that I shared last week (it's still my pinned post, in case you need to check it out again). But as you can see I've been pretty productive this week! Wrote a long one-shot that I will split into two parts cause it's too long, and the request I received this week. Also already working on a chapter for a series.

I am thus seriously thinking about posting more often than what I had originally planned... I don't want to overwork myself, so I don't think I'll go as far as posting twice a week on a regular basis, but I might do an intermediate rhythm... like once every five days or something like that. I don't know yet, I'm still thinking about it. But it's a bit silly that I have so many stuff ready at this point, I reckon. So might let myself post more often in the coming days.

Also, as you might have noticed in this list, there is an awful lot of Ben Barnes content coming (I do not blame myself for it, I love this man with all my heart, have been doing so for way too long to still be counting now, it's really not my fault...). But I am aware that some of you might be interested in other characters ! So, if you have a minute, you can answer this little pole here in order to decide who I should focus next for another one-shot!

I am also thinking about planning an event in the coming month, if things go well, if you're still enjoying my writings and if I'm still productive :) I think it could be a nice way to mark my come back, make you all involved in the creative process again, and it also would be a way to help me focus my energy. Because rn I have so much motivation to write fics, it's a bit overwhelming tbh cause I have lots of ideas and have a tendency to be a bit all over the place. So, organising on an event could help me focus all this energy. It would probably be an event using dialogue prompts or AUs/tropes. I will give myself a few more days to think about it, and will probably ask your opinion again about it through some poles :)

Anyway, end of this very long post, a pat on the shoulder to anyone who's managed to read this post all the way through, and I will keep you updated again next week :)

Feel free to drop by to discuss everything I'm discussing in this post, or if you just want to have a chat about whatever you want :)

Thank you all again, have a nice Sunday!

#writing update #update #poles #need your opinion guys if you have a minute #you can also write to me to discuss other points of this post of course

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aplaceinme · 1 year

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My thoughts on season 2 of Shadow and Bone:

[Disclaimer: I haven't read the books, and I only know what the show has shown us!]

Overall, I enjoyed it. It was really interesting, really well-made, and the acting was top-notch. I did like and cared about a particular storyline more than the other one, though.

The storyline that I liked more had to do with the characters that I ended up loving: the crows. Now, I'm brand new to the fandom, so I have no idea if this is a popular or an unpopular opinion, but whenever the storyline went back to Alina's and all of that, I was just: can we go back to the crows?? So…yeah, there's that. I was still able to enjoy that storyline, don't get me wrong, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Characters:

Kaz: I absolutely love him, and I just want him to be happy. He is such an intriguing character, and I need to know more about him.

Inej: Queen, love her, that's it.

*Kanej: I ship it, and I need them together like yesterday!

Jesper: he's so great, and sassy and funny, and I love him. His scenes with his mother….my heart…

Wylan: I adore him! He's so adorable, and I want to protect him. I also want to know more about him, because they hinted at something about his past.

*Wesper: they are crazy about each other, and I'm crazy about them! Love them, and I hope that the show lets them be happy lol

Nina: love her personality and her!!

Matthias: I mainly feel sorry for him. I feel like I don't have much to say about him though, he is in an awful situation and I hope that next season he gets to be out of prison and reunited with Nina.

Nikolai: for many episodes, I wasn't sure about him, I was waiting for him to turn evil lol Thankfully, that didn't happen. I really like him, really enjoyed his character. I hope that he won't become evil because of the infection, though. I could totally do without the love triangle thing that he has with Alina.

Tamar: really enjoyed her character. Would love to see more of her.

Toyla: same as with Tamar, really. Loved his interactions with the crows, and how he tried to help Jesper. Don't really like that little scene between him and Inej at the end, but only bc of kanej.

Genya: that girl can't catch a break!!! Feel sorry for her and I hope she finds happiness in the future.

Kirigan /The Darkling: I blame Ben Barnes for making me feel bad about him in some scenes 😅😅 Kind of surprised that he died already (I'm just used to shows keeping their one main bad guy forever -which I hate), though he might return?!? Who knows?? (probably people who read the books).

Alina: I know she is the main one, the important one, but I just feel 'meh' about her for some reason.

Mal: I was 'meh' about him as well, but he grew on me a little bit. Good for him for deciding to go and find himself!!

*Malina: I should really really love them bc I love the friends-to-lovers trope, but I think that bc I feel 'meh' about the characters, their relationship was also 'meh' to me. I did love their scene when he told her that he was the Firebird!! That was a great scene, and I enjoyed it!!

Ok, yeah, I think that's it…for now!!

#shadow and bone #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #kanej #wesper #alina starvok #general kirigan #and more #don't hate me for this

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marauderswolf22 · 1 year

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My biggest problem are marauders edits.

Yes i absolutely adore fancast, andrew garfield is my spirit animal, but it's not that. The thing is that 90% this edits are post azkaban, during war, halloween '81, and they are sad! I don't blame the creators because they really do a great job and I would like to be able to do it myself, but i want to watch something abt my fellow marauders, and, as you probably know, i JUST CAN'T READ/WATCHING SAD THINGS like post azkaban, halloween '81 and other stuff like that. Buuut, is something good in this too! When i see a positive one it makes me so SO so happy, so yeah, it's not that bad at the end

Ps: BEN BARNES IS A HOTTIE, DID YOU HEAR HIM SINGING SOMEBODY TO LOVE? LISTEN IT NOW IT'S INCREDIBLE

#marauders #sirius black #wolfstar #remus lupin #dead gay wizards #marauders headcanon #padfoot #moony #james potter #prongs #peter pettigrew #lily evans #lily potter #wormtail #moony wormtail padfoot and prongs #james & peter & remus & sirius

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ddejavvu · 2 years

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I really hope you’re feeling better darling. I’m currently casting a healing spell, hope it worked, I must say I’m a bit out of practice🪄 (also that was a joke, I’m sadly not a witch, but I am thinking about you these days and wish I could just come over and be your nurse…lmao I used to work as a nurse👀)

we’re all capable of unspeakable things - 11:00 by Ben Barnes (my love, when I first listen to that song I couldn’t stop crying…it just came at a time where I really needed to hear those lyrics)

come celebrate 4k with me!

i'm on the mend! not completely okay but definitely not as bad as I have been. i'm not a witch either </3 i'll have to stick to blankets and tea!! omg :(( come be my nurse!! you can put a lil ice pack on my head and give me a lollipop for being sO brave 😌

babe this song is literally hotch,, are you kidding me,, he wants to be with you so bad, but he doesn't want to make you commit to him. he doesn't want to risk your job (if you work at the bau), and if you don't, he just doesn't want anything to happen to you. he blames himself for everything, and he's so so so selfless, so he'd never confess for fear of you being inconvenienced. He'd want you to be happy, free, and fearless, so he'll stay out of your life :(

#mei's 4k celebration!!#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #lea !! 𓆩♡𓆪

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art-is-terror · 1 year

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okay. for all of those who haven’t read books or watched new season of shadow and bone yet i am sorry because there will be a lot of spoilers. so if you don’t want to get any, you better stop reading now. i’ve never thought that after watching an adaptation of one of my favourite book series i would want to talk about character i liked the least in books. but here we are to talk about darkling’s arc in the show. i won’t lie about the first time i took those books in hands and fell in love with this hot dark daddy of alexander morozov with his obsession over a kind hearted girl alina. i mean we all have been there in one time or another. we all have this particular obsession with villains. but rereading the series several times I learned that i actually hate this guy so freaking much that i cannot even describe. such hatred i felt maybe only about joffrey lannister and this piece of shit deserved it. so why hatred, you might ask? because darkling is a hell of a good written villain. he is smart, manipulative, charming and scaring at once, cunning and cruel son of baghra. he had a goal and his own beliefs, principles, vision for a future of ravka, so despite his feeling/obsession with alina he had never turned away from his true motives. and that was interesting to read, scenes with him were intimidating and every battle was so scary because, so i felt so nervous that every one of my beloved characters will die in any second. that is why i would never say that shadow and bone books would be better without darkling or darklina. it is essential part of alina’s journey and ravkan history, so it can’t be just ripped off of it.

and then we had tv show. i was a bit skeptical about casting for alexander but at least i was pretty sure that no matter how canonically ben barnes is not good for portraying darkling he still is a great actor and can play an intimidating cunning piece of shit who will charm you in one second and will kill you at the next. ben made everything to portray darkling as good as script allowed so i can’t actually blame him for anything. and at least in season 1 darkling’s character had been played fair. maybe not perfect but for me it was good. so i really hoped that in season 2 it will only get better. and you know what? i never felt much more disappointed in my life because in books we have no actual look from alexander’s point of view, we do not witness his life as we are watching for alina’s. so tv show have so much potential to bring to life this blank moments to show how darkling’s mind works. how he calculates every movement he makes, how he is trying(sometimes even successfully) to manipulate alina through their bond, how he cruelly kills grisha who do not believe that civil war is a key to their freedom. and of course they fucked this up. most of darkling arc in season 2 was so boring i forced myself not to skip it. he was just sitting on his arse weeping about alina being so ungrateful and that nobody could understand him truly. they made that shitshow with amplifiers of baghra’s corpse as if it was so easy in books to have such powerful amplifier without a price to pay. and moreover he doesn’t need the Fold now because he destroys cities with only one big Cut. because you know what? fuck the the common sense and the actual reason darkling created the Fold(as weapon, yes). so you know he is so powerful now, but eventually he just died in the end because it was that easy to defeat him, yeah fuck whole civil war plot.

the only thought of mine was at the moment: what the actual fuck. i mean i never really liked the man but even i can tell that writers have done poor job here. even with ben barnes portraying him in season 2 darkling didn’t made me any bit of worried. he looked like an old stupid creep (especially coming to alina while she was sleeping). and that’s telling something. actually that’s telling a lot. you cannot write a good hero without good villain. you cannot write nice and solid alina starkov arc without writing same for alexander morozov. it is not about pairing at all. it is about character development. but obviously shadow and bone writers haven’t heard about such a thing because if even a character hater sees that it’s written badly than you are doing very bad job.

#shadow and bone #the darkling #alexander morozov #alexander morozova #anti shadown and bone

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zee-has-commitment-issues · 2 years

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Here is every song on the Walty playlist, except I can't tell you why.

I had a couple asks about the Walty (Henry and Walter) playlist, so I'm just going to tell you everything that's on it. I cannot, however, tell you why these songs are on it. Some are self explanatory, others aren't. I don't want to spoil Voicemail, though, so...

Anyway, here you go:

The Story by Conan Gray

The Cut That Always Bleeds by Conan Gray

Partners in Crime by FINNEAS

Crush Culture by Conan Gray

Wish You Were Sober by Conan Gray

(are we sensing a pattern yet?)

Home by Catie Turner

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? by Tyler, The Creator

that way by Tate McRae

Would You Be So Kind? by dodie

Dive by Ed Sheeran

Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift

Everybody Talks by Neon Trees

I GUESS I'M IN LOVE by Clinton Kane

Why Am I Like This? by Orla Gartland

The Way You Felt by Alec Benjamin

GROWING UP IS ___ by Ruel

Pacify Her by Melanie Martinez

Run Boy Run by Woodkid

Ribs by Lorde

my boy by Billie Eilish

my strange addiction by Billie Eilish

Into It by Chase Atlantic

hostage by Billie Eilish

IDGAF by BoyWithUke and blackbear

Drugs & Money - New Mix by Chase Atlantic

Don't Want My Heart by Sarah Cothran

Somebody I Fucked Once by Zolita

making bad decisions by Bea Miller

rubberband by Tate McRae

Friends Don't by Maddie & Tae

Paper Rings by Taylor Swift

Nineteen by Dylan

Home for the Summer by Sara Kays

London Boy by Taylor Swift

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen

Hearts Don't Break Around Here by Ed Sheeran

Diana by One Direction

we made it. by david hugo

History by One Direction

You Belong With Me (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Falling Like the Stars by James Arthur

Jealous by Labrinth

Let's Fall in Love for the Night by FINNEAS

I Hear a Symphony by Cody Fry

Atlantis by Seafret

Our Song by Taylor Swift

Friendship? by Jordy Searcy

Us by James Bay

Romeo & Juliet by Peter McPoland

Seventeen by Tors

They Don't Know About Us by One Direction

Heather by Conan Gray

She by dodie

11:11 by Ben Barnes

Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez

The Anchor by Bastille

Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez

Don't Blame Me by Taylor Swift

Flowers by Lauren Spencer-Smith

Sarah Smiles by Panic! At the Disco

Colors by Halsey

Dangerously by Charlie Puth

I Was Made For Loving You by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran

Arms Unfolding by dodie

Let Me Down Slowly by Alec Benjamin

You & Me by James TW

Peer Pressure by James Bay and Julia Michaels

If I Didn't Tell You by James TW

Happy For Me by James TW

If I'm Being Honest by dodie

Changed by Catie Turner

Brother by Kodaline

All I Ask by Adele

You Matter To Me by Drew Gehling and Jessie Mueller

La vie en rose by Michael Bublé and Cécile McLorin Salvant

Good Thing by Sam Smith

Leave Your Lover by Sam Smith

Moon and Back by Alice Kristiansen

Teenager in Love by Madison Beer

After You by Meghan Trainor

Hesitate by Jonas Brothers

Ok, that's the whole playlist. That is every single song on the Walty Playlist that I am writing the Walty chapter to. Some of these make more sense in the context than others. Some I added just for drama. Some make me cry because it fits them so well. Ok well, now that I've shared the playlist, I won't be answering any of the asks about it. If your ask never gets answered, that's why.

I am positively flattered that you guys seem to like my taste in music, though.

#walty #young royals #young royals netflix #netflix #fanfic #fanfiction #walter young royals #henry young royals #henry and walter #walter and henry #playlist

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ao3feed-irondadspiderson · 2 years

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/41526222

Yesterday (All My Troubles Seemed So Far Away) by DisneyN3rd One thing that Peter had always been scared about was the possibility of fading out of existence. He had been through that once when he had been dusted on Titan. But that was different, at least people still remembered that Peter Parker had been a real person. If he was being honest, Peter had no one to blame but himself for the current reality that he was forced to live in. Ben had always taught him that actions have consequences. When Peter messed with the multiverse, it came back to haunt him. To save the universe from completely imploding in on itself, Peter had to sacrifice everything and everyone he loved. Now he sees May, George and Alex walking around as a happy family with no memory of who Peter was. The Avengers only know him briefly for his Spider Side and that was that. And Tony… Well Peter was back to square one with the person who he grew to see as a father… When a handful of multiversal villains come breaking the fourth wall, Peter finds himself trapped in a game of cat and mouse. Forced into a corner by himself, Peter has to find his place in a world that has forgotten him. No one was coming to save him this time. In the end, Peter has to rely on himself in order to avoid a tragic fate. Words: 4428, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Series: Part 2 of Roots Before Branches Timeline Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Gen Characters: Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man), Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Sam Wilson (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Ned Leeds, Wanda Maximoff, Alex Andrews (OC), George Andrews (OC), Stephen Strange Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Avengers Team & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker Additional Tags: Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Break, Canon Divergence - Spider-Man: No Way Home (Movie), Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Protective Tony Stark, Protective Avengers, Depressed Peter Parker, Forgotten Peter Parker, Spider-Man No Way Home AU

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #iron dad and spider son #spider son #iron dad #peter parker #tony stark

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estrangedandwayward · 3 years

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Bitches will be like "im watching it for the costumes" and then watch it for the sirius black.

#its me #im bitches #im sorry its a good movie #but like i watch this and interview with a vampire allllllll the time #those are my like stoner movies #like you know how some movies are like weed movies #i never watch those i like period dramas but i also like horror movies #but i will watch anything with good costume #i dont even think theyre particularly fancy i just like them #but i do love for the fashion in iwtv #fuck sorry i keep ranting in the tags #but yeah #i blame marauders tiktok #i sound like a raving lunatic #sirius black #ben barnes #dorain grey #you know when you can just like. SEE the gifs

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padfootagain · 1 year

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🤲

Hi!! Thank you so much for asking!!

Can you share a snippet from one of your wips?

HIHIHIHIHIIHIHIH!!! **insert devilish laughter** I'll keep it under the cut, in case some of you don't want to be spoiled, but what about some angsty moment for my next Ben Barnes fic, huh? (A three-parts series, 'wrong time to right' trope, that will be posted between April 27 and May 1, it's called The Last Chance).

He reaches for your hand across the mattress. The sheets are soft under your palm. You wish you could resist him, but you can’t, and so you entwine your fingers together.

“I’m still in love with you,” Ben lets out in a shaky breath.

“I love you too. I think… I think I always will, in a way.”

You look up at the ceiling to prevent any tear from escaping. You don’t want to be crying. It would be silly. You knew it was coming, it had been there for months.

You’re not parting ways because he cheated, because he’s stopped loving you, because he’s a jerk, because he’s treating you badly...

He’s a sweetheart. He’s a nice guy. Your lives have drifted apart, that’s all. You’ve drifted apart. And it’s killing you, because you love him, but you can’t make it work.

“I don’t want this to be over,” he goes on, “but I don’t see any other way. Cause… cause it’s… we’ll never see each other, how can this work?”

“I know, Ben. I know. That’s why we need to stop this, before it goes sour. Before our love for each other becomes bitter because we’re frustrated with the distance, and your job, and mine, and our different goals… It’s alright. It’s not you. It’s not me. It’s not really our fault. We just… want different things. And no one can have everything they want in life.”

You’re right, and he knows it. Still, as he looks at you like this, on the verge of tears, with your fingers in his, with this sadness painted all over your features… he still loves you. He’s crazy about you, really.

But you’re right, and the two of you don’t want the same things. Still, he’s pretty certain he’s making the wrong choice right now. He knows he’ll regret this as soon as he’ll walk out of your bedroom, as soon as he’ll exit your dorm. He’ll regret this. But then again, he would regret not giving his career a chance too.

Which one is worse? He’s not sure. But he knows you’ve drifted apart. And it’s killing him, because he loves you, but he can’t make it work.

“I want… I want us both to be happy, you know that, right?” he says, his voice shaking. “I want… I want to give my career a try, and you want to take that job in Dublin, and I hope you know that I support you in this. I… You’re… you’ve always been fearless. And I want you to be free to do whatever you want in this life, I want you to find your own path. But above all, I want you to do whatever makes you happy. Do you understand? I support you in this, even if it means that we can’t be together, and I am not blaming you for it. It’s my fault as much as it is yours. Alright? Do you see what I mean?”

You nod, giving him a smile.

“Our lives are just… heading in opposite directions, but I really want you to be happy and brave and to do what you love most,” he repeats himself, as if to make sure you get it, as if he’s afraid you might imagine his feelings for you have changed when they haven’t faltered at all. “Okay?”

Again, you nod, and silence settles in the room. You’re still holding hands, and you don’t want to let go, even when you speak once more.

“I don’t think we should stay friends, though,” you add, your voice shaking, but nonetheless, he doesn’t fail to recognize determination in your tone. “I mean… We still have feelings for each other. And we need to get on with our lives, get over this. And I don’t think I could get over you if we stayed in touch. So… I think it would be best if we broke up and… never saw each other again.”

He looks up at the ceiling to fight the tears that threaten to escape.

Outside, it’s raining. Late afternoon drenched with raindrops that paint strange patterns on the cold windowpanes. You haven’t turned on the light, despite the dark sky, and the light that comes in is dim, weak, almost trembling. You listen to the rain while Ben tightens his hold on your hand. You don’t want him to let go, but you know he will.

“Alright, as you wish.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. I get it. I think… I think you’re right. In the end, it will be better if we don’t stay in touch.”

He doesn’t tell you that he simply… doesn’t want to get over you. Not yet, at least. But then, when he thinks about it, he reckons it’s normal. It’ll pass. Soon, he’ll want to get over you.

It’ll pass…

He gets up all of a sudden, without warning. He lets go of your hand, like you knew he would. It hurts the same, whether you were prepared for it or not…

He puts on his coat, bends to pick up his black umbrella stranded on the floor. Outside, it’s still raining. You hear someone shouting. Cars in the distance. A whole world you’re aware of.

He walks to the door, and he doesn’t turn around one last time when he speaks again. He knows you’re looking at him, he can feel your stare on his back. He knows he won’t have the strength to look at you like that…

“Goodbye, darling.”

Before you can reply, he’s opened the door, walked out, and disappeared.

#snippet #ben barnes #ben barnes fic #angst #hihihihihihihihih #I love making everyone suffer

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hamliet · 3 years

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The Crows Summon the Sun

Or, Hamliet’s review of Shadow & Bone, which gets a 4.5/5 for enjoyment and a 3.5/5 in terms of writing.

The true heroes of this story and the saviors of the show are the Crows. However, the problem is that the show then has an uneven feel, because the strength of the Crows plotline highlights the weaknesses of the trilogy storyline. But imo, overall, the strengths overshadow (#punintended) the weaknesses.

I’ll divide the review into the narrative and the technical (show stuff, social commentary), starting with narrative.

Narrative: The Good

It’s What The Crows Deserve

I went into the show watching it for the Crows; however, knowing that their storyline was intended to be a prequel, I wasn’t terribly optimistic. And while it is a prequel, the characters have complete and full arcs that perfectly set them up for the further development they will have in the books (which I think should be the next season?). Instead of retreading the arcs they’d have in the books, which is how prequels usually go, they had perfect set up for these arcs. It’s really excellent.

Jesper, Inej, and Kaz are all allowed to be flawed, to have serious conflicts with one another, and yet to love each other. They feel like a found family in the best of ways. Kaz is the perfect selfish rogue; he’s a much more successfully executed Byronic hero than the Darkling, actually. Inej is heroic and her faith is not mocked, yet she too is flawed and her choices are not always entirely justified, but instead left to the audience to ponder (like killing the girl), which is a more mature writing choice that I appreciated.

Jesper is charming, has a heart of gold despite being a murderer and on the surface fairly greedy, and MILO THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GOAT WAS THE BEST THING EVER. I also liked Jesper’s fling with Dima but I felt it could be better used rather than merely establishing his sexuality, like if Jesper and Dima had seen each other one more time or something had come of their tryst for the plot/themes/development of Jesper.

Nina and Matthias’s backstory being in the first season, instead of in flashbacks, really works because it automatically erases any discomfort of the implications of Nina having falsely accused Matthias that the books start with. We know Nina, we know Matthias, we know their motivations, backgrounds, and why they feel the way we do. It’ll be easy for the audience to root for them without a lot of unnecessary hate springing from misunderstanding Nina (since she’s my favorite). Matthias’s arc was also really strongly executed and satisfyingly tragic. Their plotline was a bit unfortunately disconnected from the rest of the story, but Danielle Gallagan and Callahan Skogman have absolutely sizzling chemistry so I found myself looking forward to their scenes instead of feeling distracted. Also? It’s nice seeing a woman with Nina’s body type as a romantic and powerful character.

Hamliet Likes Malina Now

Insofar as the trilogy storyline goes, the best change the show made was Mal. He still is the same character from the books, but much more likable. The pining was... a lot (too much in episode 4, I felt) but Malina is a ship I actually enjoyed in the show while I NOTP’d it in the books. Mal has complexity and layers to his motivations (somewhat) and a likable if awkward charm. Archie Renaux was fantastic.

Ben Barnes is the perfect Aleksandr Kirigan, and 15 year old me, who had the biggest of big crushes on Ben Barnes (first celebrity crush over a decade ago lol), was pretty damn happy lol. He’s magnificantly acted--sympathetic and terrifying, sincerely caring and yet villainous in moments. Story-wise, I think it was smart to reveal his name earlier on than in the books, because it helps with the humanization especially in a visual medium like film. Luda was a fitting (if heartbreaking) backstory, but it is also hard for me to stomach knowing what the endgame of his character is. Like... I get the X-men fallacy thing, but I hope the show gives more kindness to his character than the books did, yet I’m afraid to hold my breath. Just saying that if you employ save the cat, if you directly say you added this part (Luda) to make the character more likable (as the director did) please do not punish the audience for feeling what you intended.

I also liked the change that made Alina half-Shu. It adds well to her arc and fits with her character, actually giving her motivations (she kinda just wants to be ordinary in a lot of ways) a much more interesting foundation than in the books. Also it’s nice not to have another knock-off Daenerys (looking to you Celaena and book!Alina). Jessie Mei Li does a good job playing Alina’s insecurities and emotions, but...

Narrative: The Ehhhhhhh

Alina the Lamp

Sigh. Here we go. Alina has little consistent characterization. She’s almost always passive when we see her, yet she apparently punches an officer for calling her a name and this seems to be normal for her, but it doesn’t fit at all with what we know about her thus far. Contradictions are a part of humanity, but it’s never given any focus, so it comes across as inconsistent instead of a flaw or repression.

I have no idea what Alina wants, beside that she wants to be with Mal, which is fine except I have no idea what the basis of their bond is. Even with like, other childhood friends to lovers like Ren/Nora in RWBY or Eren/Mikasa in SnK, there’s an inciting moment, a reason, that we learn very early on in their story to show us what draws them together. Alina and Mal just don’t have that. There’s the meadow/running away thing, but they were already so close, and why? Why, exactly? What brought them together? The term “bullies” is thrown around but it isn’t ever explored and it needed to be this season. If I have to deal with intense pining for so many episodes at least give me a foundation for their devotion. You need to put this in the beginning, in the first season. You just do.

A “lamp” character is a common metaphor to describe a bad character: essentially, you could replace the character with a lamp and nothing changes. Considering Alina’s gift is light, it’s a funnily apt metaphor, but it really does apply. Her choices just don’t... matter. She could be a special lamp everyone is fighting over and almost nothing would change. The ironic thing is that everyone treating her like a fancy lamp is exactly the conflict, but it’s never delved into. We’re never shown that Alina is more than a lamp. She never has to struggle because her choices are made for her and information is gifted to her when she needs it. Not making choices protects Alina from consequences and the story gives her little incentive to change that; in fact, things tend to turn out better when she doesn’t make choices (magic stags will arrive).

Like... let’s look at a few occasions when Alina almost or does make choices. For example, she chooses to (it seems) sleep with Kirigan, but then there’s a convenient knock at the door and Bhagra arrives with key information that changes Alina’s mind instantly despite the fact that Bhagra’s been pretty terrible to her. If you want to write a woman realizing she’s been duped by a cruel man, show her discovering it instead of having the man’s abusive mother tell her when she had absolutely no such suspicions beforehand. There’s no emotional weight there because Alina doesn’t struggle.

When she is actually allowed to carry out a bad choice, the consequences are handwaved away instead of built into a challenge for her. Like... Alina got her friends killed. More than once. I’m not saying she’s entirely to blame for these but could we show her reacting to it? Feeling any sort of grief? She never mentions Raisa or Alexei after they’re gone, just Mal, and I’m... okay. They were there because of you. Aren’t you feeling anything? Aren’t you sad? The only time Alina brings up her friends’ deaths is to tell Kirigan he killed her friends when they were only there because she burned the maps. She yells at Kirigan for “never” giving her a choice, but she almost never makes any, so why would he? Alina has the gall to lecture Genya about choices, but she herself almost never has to make any.

Which brings me to another complaint in general: Alina’s lack of care for everyone around her when they’re not Mal, even if they care for her. Marie dies because of her (absolutely not her fault of course) but as far as we know she never even learns about Marie. She certainly doesn’t ever ask about her or Nadia. Alina seems apathetic at best to people, certainly not compassionate or kind.

The frustrating thing is that there is potential here. Like, it actually makes a lot of psychological sense for an orphan who has grown up losing to be reluctant to care for people outside of her orbit and that she would struggle to believe she can have any say in her destiny (ie make choices). It’s also interesting that a girl who feels like an outsider views others outside her. But the show never offers examines Alina’s psychology with any depth; it simply tells us she’s compassionate when she is demonstrably not, it tells us she makes decisions when it takes magical intervention to do so. It’s a missed opportunity. This does not change between episodes 1 and 8, despite the episodes’ parallel structures and scenes, which unintentionally reinforces that Alina had little real development.

Inej and ironically Jesper and Kaz embody the concept of “mercy” far better and with far more complexity than Alina does. The Crows have reactions to the loss of people who even betray them (Arken, etc), learn, and course-correct (or don’t) when they are even loosely involved in having strangers die. They’re good characters because they change and learn and have their choices matter. When they kill we see them wrestle with it and what this means even if they are accustomed to doing so. Jesper can’t kill in front of a child. Kaz wonders what his killings do to Inej’s idea of him.

Narrative: The Mixed Bag

Tropes, Themes, Telling vs. Showing

So the show’s themes in the Alina storyline are a mess, as they are in the trilogy too. Tropes are a very valuable way to show your audience what you’re trying to say. They’re utilized worldwide because they resonate with people and we know what to expect from them. The Crows' storyline shows us what it wants us to learn.

Preaching tells, and unfortunately, the trilogy relies on telling/preaching against fornicationBad Boys. It’s your right to write any trope or trample any trope you want--your story--but you should at least understand what/why you are doing so. The author clearly knows enough about Jungian shadows and dark/light yin/yang symbolism to use it in the story, but then just handwaves it away as “I don’t like this” but never does so in a narratively effective way: addressing the appeal in the first place. If you really wanna deconstruct a trope, you gotta empathize with the core of the reason these tropes appeal to people (it allays deep fears that we are ourselves unlovable, through loving another person despite how beastly they can be), and address this instead of ignoring it. Show us a better way through the Fold of your story. Don’t just go around it and ignore the issue.

The trilogy offers highly simplistic themes at best--bad boy bad and good boy good, which is fine-ish for kid lit but less fine for adult complexity, which the show (more so than the books) seems to try to push despite not actually having much of it.

Alina and Mal are intended to be good, we’re told they are, but I’m not sure why beyond just that we’re told so. Alina claims the stag chose her, but in the show it’s never explained why at all. Unlike with Kaz, Inej, Jesper, and hell even Matthias and Nina, we don’t see Alina or Mal’s complex choices and internal wrestling.

Like, Inej’s half-episode where she almost killed the guy they needed was far more character exploration than Alina has the entire show, to say nothing of Inej’s later killing which not only makes her leaps and bounds more interesting, but ironically cements her as a far more compelling and yes, likable, heroine than Alina. We see Inej’s emotional and moral conflict. We can relate to her. We see Kaz struggling with his selfishness and regrets, with his understanding of himself through his interactions with and observations of Inej, Alina, the Darkling, Arken, and Jesper.

We don’t explore what makes Mal or Alina good and what makes them bad. We don’t know what Alina discovers about herself, what her power means for her. We are told they are good, we are told she knows her power is hers, but never shown what this means or what this costs them/her. Their opportunities to be good are handed to them (the stag, Bhagra) instead of given to them as a challenge in which they risk things, in which doing good or making a merciful choice costs them. Alina gets to preach about choices without ever making any; Inej risks going back to the Menagerie to trust Kaz. Her choices risk. They cost. They matter and direct her storyline and her arc, and those of the people around her.

Production Stuff:

The Good:

The production overall is quite excellent. The costumes, pacing, acting, and cinematography (for example, one of the earliest scenes between the Darkling and Alina has Alina with her back to the light, face covered in his shadow, while the Darkling’s face is light up by her light even if he stands in the shadows) are top-notch. The soundtrack as well is incredible and emphasizes the scenes playing. The actors have great chemistry together, friend chemistry and romantic when necessary (Mal and Alina, the Darkling and Alina, Kaz and Inej, Nina and Matthias, David and Genya, etc.) All are perfectly cast.

The Uncomfortable Technicalities Hamliet Wants to Bitch About:

The only characters from fantasy!Europe having any trace of an accent reminiscent of said fantasy country's real-world equivalent are antagonists like Druskelle (Scandinavia) and Pekka (Ireland). When the heroes mostly have British accents despite being from fantasy Russia and Holland, it is certainly A Choice to have the Irish accent emphasized. The actor is British by the way, so I presume he purposely put on an Irish accent. I'm sure no one even considered the potential implications of this but it is A Look nonetheless.

The Anachronisms Hamliet Has a Pet Peeve About:

The worldbuilding is compelling, but the only blight on the worldbuilding within the story itself (ignoring context) was that there are some anachronisms that took me out of the story, particularly in the first episode where “would you like to share with the class” and “saved by the horn” are both used. Both are modern-day idioms in English that just don’t fit, especially the latter. The last episode uses “the friends we made along the way.” There are other modern idioms as well.

IT’S STARKOVA and Other Pet Peeves Around the Russian Portrayal

Russian names are not hard, and Russian naming systems are very, very easy to learn. I could have waved “Starkov” not being “Starkova,” “Nazyalensky” not being “Nazyalenskaya,” and “Safin” not being “Safina” as an American interpretation (since in America, the names do not femininize). However, “Mozorova” as a man is unfathomable and suggests to me the author just doesn’t understand how names work, which is a bit... uh okay considering a simple google search gets you to understand Russian names. They aren’t hard. I cannot understand why the show did not fix this. It is so simple to fix and would be a major way to help the story’s overall... caricature of Russia.

Speaking of that... Ravka is supposedly Russian-based, but it is more accurately based on the stereotypes of what Americans think of Russia. Amerussia? Russica? Not great.

The royals are exactly what Americans think of the Romanovs, right down to the “greasy” “spiritual advisor” who is clearly Rasputin and which ignores the Romanov history, very real tragedy, and the reason Rasputin was present in the court. The religion with all its saints is a vapid reflection of Russian Orthodoxy. The military portrayal with its lotteries and brutality and war is how the US views the Russian military. The emphasis on orphans, constant starvation, classification, and children being ripped from their homes to serve the government is a classic US understanding of USSR communism right down to the USSR having weapons of destruction the rest of the world fears (Grisha). Not trying to defend the Soviet Union here at all, but it is simplistic and reductive and probably done unconsciously but still ehhhh.

However, I’m not Russian. I just studied Russian literature. I’ve seen very little by way of discussion of this topic online, but what I do see from Russian people has been mixed--some mind, some don’t. The reality is that I actually don’t really mind this because it’s fantasy, though I see why some do. I'm not like CANCEL THIS. So why am I talking about this beyond just having a pet peeve?

Well, because it is a valid critique, and because it doesn’t occur in a vacuum. The Grishaverse is heralded as an almost paragon for woke Young Adult literature, which underlines itself what so frustrates me about how literary circles discuss issues of diversity and culture. Such praise, while ignoring its quasi-caricature of Russia, reflects a very ethnocentric (specifically American) understanding of culture, appropriation, and representation. All stories are products of their culture to various extents, but it bothers me on principle what the lit community reacts (and overreacts sometimes?) to and what people give a pass to. The answer to what the community reacts to and what it gives a pass always pivots on how palatable the appropriation is to American understandings and sensibilities. There’s nuance here as well, though.

I'm not cancelling the story or thinking it should be harshly attacked for this, but it is something that can be discussed and imo should be far more often--but with the nuance it begs, instead of black/white. But that’s a tall ask.

#s&b #hamliet reviews #shadow and bone #six of crows #kanej #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #the darkling #darklina #malina #aleksander kirigan #netflix shadow and bone #s&b review

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