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drarrily-we-row-along · 7 months

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It had been literal years since Harry had seen him, it shouldn’t still feel like this.

Looking at Draco Malfoy while he swanned around the gala, not even noticing Harry’s existence, felt like he’d been hit with a bombarda to the chest. The grief, the rage, the fear, the brokenness, everything came back like it was yesterday. Like he was twenty one and desperately in love, like his entire life was oriented around another person. And the devastation of being left without a word; the empty, expansive void that filled his entire body.

He couldn’t stop watching him. Couldn’t take his eyes off his lithe form, so similar and yet different. He walked taller now, he was self assured in a way he hadn’t been. Open, smiling, like he actually knew he was worthy and it changed how he viewed other people. But he was still himself; clever and funny, still a little bashful when someone praised him.

Harry wondered what else was the same. Wondered if his mouth still tasted the same, if his hands could still make Harry’s body go pliant and his mind go blank. He wondered if he still got giggly after sex. Wondered if earl grey was still his favorite type of tea. If he still hated tequila. Wondered what Harry’d done wrong and how he could have messed up badly enough that Draco left after three years together without a word.

It was inevitable that he found himself following Draco when he went to the men's room, a moth to a flame that would incinerate it and leave its charred smoking remains in a pile of ash. Locking the door behind him, he waited, leaning against the row of sinks until Draco emerged from the stall. There was barely a hitch in his step, barely a flash of recognition in those silver eyes when he looked at Harry.

"Not even a hello?" he asked, suddenly incensed at Draco for ignoring him, at himself for setting himself up for this.

"Hello, Potter," he said evenly. "Enjoying yourself at this fine Ministry Gala?"

"Fuck you," he hissed.

Draco turned and raised an irritatingly perfect eyebrow at him, "Was a hello not what you wanted?"

And Harry saw it, the flicker in his eyes that meant he knew he'd asked the wrong question. "Not what I wanted," he repeated, throat tight and eyes stinging. "Not what I wanted?" He shook his head, "when have you ever cared about what I wanted?"

"Right," Draco said. "Terribly sorry that this Gala helps to fund my research and I had to be here tonight for my job." He said it calmly, devoid of any of the emotions that were racing under Harry's skin. "If you'll excuse me," he said, starting past Harry and moving toward the door, "I'll just get out of your way."

Harry's hands were on him before he even knew what he was doing, shoving him back against the door and pinning him there. "Seven years, Draco. Seven years and not a single word."

"Let me go," he said, voice still unerringly calm.

He shook his head, "No. Not until you-" he broke of, chest heaving as he fought for control, as he fought to get a breath.

"Until I what?" he asked.

"Not until you tell me why," Harry said, voice shaking. "Not until you give me the reason that you threw away three years together without a single. fucking. word."

He just stared at him, still not giving him a word.

"Tell me," he said, begged really, "just. Give me something. Give me some closure. Let me move on."

"Nothing is stopping you from moving on," he replied steadily.

He growled, "Fucking hell, Draco. Just tell me-"

"You're hurting me," the other man said, pressing a palm against Harry's chest.

Harry loosened his grip, "You hurt me," he whispered. "You tore out my entire heart when you fucked off and left. You left this giant, gaping sink hole of a wound in my chest that has never closed, never healed right. It always fucking hurts."

He shook his head, eyes suspiciously bright.

"Tell me," Harry demanded. "Tell me what I did. Tell me how you stopped loving me. Tell me why you left. I would have given you anything, I would have done anything, would hav-"

"I know!" Draco exploded, his voice sharp and furious, and Harry reveled in it, in his loss of composure. "I know that you would have and I didn't want you to."

"What?" he asked.

Draco shoved him off, "Let go of me." He tried to turn and get the door open but Harry grabbed him and spun him around again.

"What do you mean?"

"Let go!" he demanded, pushing roughly at him.

"No," he replied stubbornly. "You owe me this much, at least."

"I owe you nothing," Draco hissed, voice low.

Harry released his grip on the other man, body involuntarily taking a step back as he shrunk in on himself, curling away from him. "Fine," he whispered, wishing he could sink into the floor, wishing he could just disappear, wishing for anything that would take the pain away.

The other man sighed and Harry could hear him straightening his robes before he pulled open the door. "I owe you nothing because the cost of leaving was too high in the first place," he said.

And Harry's head filled with a thousand questions, he looked up but Draco had already left. Rushing out after him, Harry caught him just at the end of the hall. They were in plain sight of everyone at the Gala, if they cared to look their way, but Harry couldn't have cared less. "What?" he asked, maneuvering so that he was in front of the other man. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Everyone can see you," Draco said, voice low so no one would hear, his face impassively blank in a way that Harry detested; it made something go funny in his chest, the desire to break him from that shell, to muss him up, to kiss him until he was breathless and smiling, color high on his cheeks.

"I don't care." He shook his head, "For fuck's sake Draco. I don't care what any of them think. Please," he whispered. "Please just," he let out a rush of air that he'd been holding too tight in his lungs. "Please."

"Not here," he said, glancing around the room very clearly trying to clock who'd noticed them talking.

He nodded eagerly, "tell me where and when."

Draco looked at him, actually looked at him, his eyes moving over Harry's face like a caress. "Mac's, 9:00 pm."

He spun off and left Harry standing there, staring at the wall. He hadn't been to Mac's in seven years, not since Draco'd left.

The rest of the Gala couldn't go quickly enough and Harry found himself leaving before he really needed to but he couldn't help it; he couldn't stand and talk to one more person that he had no interest in talking to. Not to mention the torment of watching Draco swan about, wooing donors; Harry's heart couldn't take it.

Flooing home to change into a green jumper and a pair of jeans before heading to the diner seemed like the only reasonable course of action.

The neon clock behind the counter revealed he was only ten minutes early and he mentally congratulated himself on taking up as much time as he had.

"Well bless my soul," the waitress, Barb if Harry remembered right, said. "I haven't seen you in ages. Look how you've grown."

"And you look just the same, lovely as ever," Harry replied, smiling at her. It was true, she wore the same blue dress and apron, hair pulled back in a bun, still had the same blue eye shadow.

"Flatterer," she accused, but she looked pleased. "Where's your young man?" she asked, leading him back to the corner booth that they'd always preferred and for a moment Harry's heart twisted painfully in his chest.

"Coming, I hope," he said.

She nodded, eyes full of understanding, "Now, don't tell me," she said. "You're a strawberry shake and he's-" she broke off, brow furrowing in concentration.

"A chocolate malt," he said at the same time as another voice behind her.

Both he and Barb looked up to find Draco standing behind her, hands shoved into the pockets of his impeccably tailored trousers, top button on his black dress shirt unbuttoned. He looked like he'd stepped straight out of a muggle magazine, hair just a little disheveled but devastatingly handsome. Harry could barely breathe around how fucking gorgeous he was, how badly he wanted him.

"But if I'm being honest," he said, "I haven't had that much sugar in ages. I should probably-"

"Nonsense," she said, shooing him into the booth across from Harry. "Reunions always require something of the old to mix with the new."

Before either of them could respond to that, she bustled off to the kitchen, leaving the two of them staring awkwardly at one another.

"Draco-" he started just as the other man began with "Look-"

Harry shook his head and gave a little chuckle, running his fingers through his curls and tucking them behind his ear, "Go ahead," he offered.

Squaring his shoulders, Draco began again, "Agreeing to come here with you was a moment of weakness."

"A moment of weakness?" Harry interrupted.

Draco glared at him, "Yes. I'm really not interested in having this conversation. I'm not interested in rehashing everything that happened."

He took a slow breath, "I deserved a good bye," he said eyes stinging.

"Excuse me?" he asked, sounding a bit taken aback.

Barb came over and deposited their shakes and a platter of nachos between them. "I'll just be tidying up," she said. "Over there," she added pointedly. "Don't be shy if you boys need anything."

Harry waited until she was a reasonable distance away from their table before he said, "Listen, I don't need to know why you left. You're right, you don't owe me that. So even though I'd like to know, even though it kills me not to know what happened, what I did wrong," he broke off, shaking his head. "You can have your own reasons and I don't have to know them. But I deserved a good bye."

Those grey eyes, the ones he'd spent countless hours staring into, the ones he'd dreamt of more times than he could count, stared at him like he couldn't comprehend what he was saying.

"I loved you, Draco," he said softly, the truth splitting the wounds in his heart open wide. "I loved you more than anything, I would have done anything, I would have given you anything. If you'd told me you needed to leave, I would have been heartbroken, but I would have let you." He took a deep shuddering breath, "but I deserved a good bye."

"I couldn't," Draco said simply. He started to slide toward the edge of his bench but Harry reached out.

"Damn it, Draco," he said. "Sit down. Please. If you ever loved me-"

"If I ever loved you?" he asked and finally his exterior cracked. "If I ever loved you?" he repeated incredulously. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" he repeated, blood pressure rising.

"Yes, you fucking idiot! What do you mean 'if I ever loved you'?" He shook his head, "How can you possibly imagine that my leaving wasn't out of love for you?"

"Because it wasn't!" he exclaimed.

"Yes it was."

He shook his head, "There's no way in hell," he said. "It wasn't for me because you leaving completely destroyed me. You leaving left me in a state of depression that made me wish I was dead. For fucking months. I went to therapy; I still go to therapy, you leaving still comes up. Regularly. There was nothing about that choice that was good for me.”

“How do you imagine that relationship would have ended?”

Harry shook his head, “I don’t know. I’ve been too preoccupied with dealing with the fall out of how it actually ended to wonder how it might have ended otherwise.”

He sighed, rubbing his forehead in a gesture that Harry had seen enough to know that he was getting a tension headache. He wondered if scratching his fingers through the hair at the back of his head still helped, wondered if rubbing his neck still eased the pain. "That relationship would have ended with you hating me."

"Right," he said. "So glad we avoided that outcome."

"Do you hate me?" he asked, looking at Harry like the answer mattered to him.

He let out a breath, "I wanted to. It would have been easier if I could have."

Draco nodded, "And I wouldn't blame you if you did, but I didn't want to stick around for that." He sighed, "Look, we couldn't have kept living in the shadows. Coming out to muggle restaurants, sharing a bed, living on the edge of the world and hoping that we didn't get caught."

"Draco, I would have come out with you. If you'd wanted to tell people, I would have. Godric. How little can you possibly think of me that-?"

He shook his head, "That's my point. You would have come out, you would have told the world, and we would have lived under the proverbial shit storm that rained down on us. Constant harassment, we'd be the front page of every newspaper. I had to leave the country to get accepted into a training program that would accept me as it was."

"And?" Harry asked, "I'm not new to the media shit-show."

Draco looked at him, eyes sad like he could see something that Harry couldn't. "You're not, that's the point. Harry," he said, and the way that he said his name felt like Harry's heart was being ripped open, "you deserved time to heal. You deserved a shot at a normal life. You deserved to be happy. You deserved so much-"

"That wasn't your choice to make!" Harry exclaimed. "What I deserved, what would make me happy; it wasn't your decision. Not without me at least. Because it didn't make me happy. You made me happy."

"But I wouldn't have," he said. "It was the only way. For both of us. I needed to get my life together. I'm brilliant," he said, and somehow it didn't sound cocky, it was just a statement of fact. "Harry, I'm so good at my job. I'm so good at developing potions and magic that is helping people in ways we couldn't have imagined even five years ago."

"I know," Harry replied. "I've followed your career. I've read your articles."

The little smile that curved Draco's mouth shouldn't have felt like that still, it shouldn't have made him feel like his heart expanded four sizes. "And you needed to find your life outside of me. It felt like you hated everything, like you wanted to burn the entire world, everything outside of our bed. And I was never going to be enough to fill that need."

"You were," he said, throat burning. "Draco, I would have supported you. I would have given you anything-"

"I know. And I couldn't let you." He shook his head, "Leaving you," Draco looked down at his hands where they were clenched on the table. "Circe, Harry, it nearly killed me. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I meant what I said about the cost of leaving being too high. I wanted to give you the life you deserved.”

“All I wanted was you,” he replied.

“I know. And don’t you see why that is a problem? Harry, if all you wanted was me, how could I ever be enough? When all of your dreams, or goals, or aspirations revolve around me,” he shook his head. “I wanted more for you.”

“I didn’t mean to put pressure on you-”

He nodded, “I know. But by the end, neither of us even knew how to be a complete person on our own.”

“Three years of shared life will do that to a person,” he replied blandly.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said, and Harry couldn’t count the number of times that he’d wished to hear those words. “I am. But I would do it again.”

The dried, brittle remains of his heart crumbled in his chest. “Right.”

Draco’s hand reached across the table and covered Harry’s, and Harry stopped breathing. “You might be right,” he said. “You probably deserved a good bye. But if I’d given one to you, if I’d even tried, I never would have been able to leave you.”

He opened his mouth to reply but Draco continued.

“I’m not a brave man, I’ve never been well versed in denying myself what I wanted. But I had to give us a chance. I had to give us both the chance to grow into the men we needed to become. I had to give you the chance to be happy.”

“Is that what you think I am?” Harry asked. “Happy?”

Draco blinked, “Well, yes.” His eyebrows furrowed, “you run multiple successful charities that are doing immeasurable good. You’re always in the Prophet with some new witch or wizard gazing adoringly at you-”

“I haven’t slept with anyone since you,” he said bluntly. “Some events require a plus one, so,” he shrugged. “But I still sleep on the left side of the bed. I still unconsciously check to make sure the covers aren’t bunched under me when I roll over because my body got used to not wanting to take them from you.

“Yes, I run my charities,” he continued. “I attend ministry functions. I visit my godchildren and hang out with friends. Yes. I do the duties set before me in my life and I make time for people I love.” He shook his head, “but no one who knows me would say that I am happy.”

Draco stared at him uncertainly.

“It never made sense,” Harry continued. “I couldn’t figure out what I’d done wrong, how I’d fucked up so badly. I loved you so much, I wanted what was good for you, and I came to terms with that not being me. But for you to tell me it was for me,” he blew out a breath and shook his head. “Whatever you may think, that wasn’t what was good for me.”

No words came out of the other man’s mouth, and Harry decided he’d probably tortured him long enough.

He rapped his knuckles on the table and stood, dropping some money for the bill before murmuring, “good bye, Draco. I hope your life is everything that you wanted.”

Then he all but fled the diner, desperate to be anywhere that wasn’t there. His heart couldn’t take it. Maybe Draco has been right and a conversation only made things worse.

Before he could get to the alley down the street, the one he and Draco had stood in more times than Harry could count to snog until one of them got too horny and apparated them back to Harry’s bed, he heard the sound of footsteps chasing him down the sidewalk. And he would have recognized those footsteps anywhere, could have picked out Draco’s gait out of any line up. “What-” he began, turning toward him.

But he was interrupted by Draco cupping his face and kissing him, his body surging against Harry’s.

Harry didn’t waste this moment, he grabbed onto the other man and pulled him in, kissing him back with all of the heart ache, all of the desire and love that he hadn’t been able to give him when he’d left.

Draco pressed him back against the wall, caging Harry in and making him feel kept and held. “I’m sorry,” Draco managed into the kiss. “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, trying to just draw him back into the kiss, he didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want anything but this moment; Draco in his arms, bodies pressed together, not a space between them.

But he pulled back and Harry felt bereft. “Forgive me,” he pleaded. “I really believed I was doing the right thing-”

“Draco-”

He shook his head, pressing a trembling finger to Harry’s lips, “there hasn’t been anyone else for me but you either,” he confessed. “Harry,” he broke off, a tear sliding down his cheek, “you are the love of my life. I wanted you to be happy.” He broke, tears spilling down his face. “I’m so sorry. I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re brilliant,” Harry echoed back to him.

“Forgive me,” he whispered. “If you meant it, when you said you weren’t happy here,” he started, “come with me. Salazar, I know it sounds crazy.” He shook his head, “but I’ve hated every single moment of not being with you. I love you.” He pressed his forehead to Harry’s, “I love you so much. Come back to France with me. We can start a new life there. I know it sounds crazy-”

“Yes,” he interrupted him. “Godric, yes. Let me come with you. Let me stay with you.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Draco cried, tears still pouring down his face. “You don’t know-”

“I know you,” he replied, holding Draco’s face in his hands to kiss him. “Yes, this is fast and sudden, and I’m sure we’ll have more than one fight about it. But I love you too. I have spent the last seven years wishing you’d walk back into my life, I’m not about to waste that opportunity now.”

“Come back to my hotel with me?”

He shook his head, “come back to our flat?” he whispered. “Come sleep in our bed?”

“You stayed?”

He nodded, “it was ours. I didn’t want to leave behind all I had left of you. And if you ever decided to come back,” he broke off. “Well, I wanted to be there.”

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck, “take me home,” he whispered.

“Home is anywhere, as long as I’m with you.”

#drarry #love #reconciliation #break up and make up #light angst #happy ending #the author is not dead #just living life with its highs and lows #I’m working through a lot right now. writing is hard because it’s all coming out sideways.#I hope this isn’t as terrible as it feels 😅

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myork · 2 years

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7/50 days of pjm ♡

park jimin going from to flirty to playful to being a dork to pouting to being a sunshine all within one clip while wearing a black shirt n his chanel necklace n his pink hair for @marvelousbangtan <3

#mgfs #jimin #bts #btsgif #usersky #userkelli #usertaeyungie #annietrack #pjmdaily #50pjm #happy birthday crystal 💀😭✋🏻#im sorry for the very delayed set yoongi betrayed me so have jimin instead #a birdy told me u like pink jimin (birdy being u ofc) n since u saw how my original pink mimi set infuriated the crap out of me i made #something else i like it <3 halfway through this set i was like wait this isnt his pink hair its carrot-#i hope u like it**#so i edited the colouring to make it pink 🥰 fake it till u make it right 🥰#anyways i love u very much ur very kind supportive n the best adoptive mother ever (we’ve been related for almost three hours now dAMN)#anyways i hope u like it the colouring js inconsistent as heck because bts episode lightings change like 🔦🕯💡🔦🕯#ok bye #ilyy 😙😙🫶🫶

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adventure-showdown · 5 months

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What is your favourite Doctor Who story?

TOURNAMENT MASTERPOST

synopses and propaganda under the cut

Blink

Synopsis

In an abandoned house, the Weeping Angels wait. The only hope to stop them is a young woman named Sally Sparrow and her friend Larry Nightingale. The only catch: the Weeping Angels can move in the blink of an eye. To defeat the ruthless enemy — with only a half of a conversation from the Tenth Doctor as help — the one rule is this: don't turn your back, don't look away and don't blink!

Propaganda no propaganda submitted

City of Death

Synopsis

While taking in the sights of Paris in 1979, the Fourth Doctor and Romana sense that someone is tampering with time. Who is the mysterious Count Scarlioni? Why does he seem to have counterparts scattered through time? And just how many copies of the Mona Lisa did Leonardo da Vinci paint?

Propaganda

even if your not a classic who fan, you have seen moments from this, “wonderful butler, he’s so violent”, “youre a beautiful woman, probably”, “if you wanted an omelette I’d expect to find a pile of broken crockery, a cooker in flames, and an unconscious chef”. The location shooting, iconic, the music, iconic, the plot, so iconic I was once watching something (non doctor who) that referenced it as a fake historical event. Dare I say duggan is the greatest side character of all time. Romana’s outfit, the design of scaroth, the implication time lords can fly. it’s not my favourite overall, but its damn near close, it deserves AT LEAST the semi finals, AT LEAST. If you’ve not seen it or any classic who, go watch it, its so good, one of the best of the era. Also, how could I forget, the most watched episode on broadcast out of all of doctor who, including new who. (yes it was because itv was off the air due to strikes, but im glad its this episode that holds the record) (anonymous)

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july-19th-club · 1 year

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i know for a fact i have made this post before but for me it's very important that bbc merlin is a pointless tragedy. it wouldn't be good (it's frequently not good anyway but it would be a lot further away from good) if it wasn't a pointless tragedy! it's simply not arthuriana if it doesn't go past the high point of the heroic/legendary/high medieval romance stuff and end with detailed rundowns of exactly how everybody got betrayed and died like that is what makes it real arthuriana to me and not just a silly show about a wizard

#'why did he die at the end! why did they make us miserable? why can't we have nice things!'#BECAUSE IT'S ARTHURIANA OKAY .that's what HAPPENS #if you're doing arthuriana you're not doing it right unless when you finally get to the end of this endless string of knight adventures #the main guy is like. dead and you're like well . what am i supposed to do now #like when i first read the great illustrated classic abridged king arthur in third grade and got to the end ofi t #and guinevere had been sent to a nunnery and half the nights had died in this battle or that one and merlin had been stuck in a cave #and then arthur dies and bedivere chucks his sword in a lake and then the book just ENDS #and i sat there consumed with emotions id never felt before. well i would've been disappointed if the end of bbc merlin had #NOT made me feel those emotions again #but it did. to me that is in fact its greatest success #merlin #q #like. dont get me wrong i like a fixfic as much as the next guy and in fact i plot them out all the time #but you cant DO that if the original material is. like. already happy #or meant to be

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moeblob · 4 months

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Thinking about my dumb OCs ever since I saw a video of two guys trying to demonstrate the kabedon and one of them could not stop laughing...

#my characters #right politely raising his hand to cuss at his buddies thats true friendship #he has to humor them at least a little and he also knows this is an actual challenge now #he has paul trying to help him and oh boy this is going to go the way right wants it to and no exceptions #paul does in fact act not disappoint and says karen can demonstrate then #because hes taking this very seriously despite right not taking it seriously while pretending to care #in rights defense he gets a date before paul gets a date with his crush and right just cusses at his crush #in fact he finds it really funny when the guy he likes cusses because its rare and deadpanned so he tries to #prompt a repetition because its really funny when he gets indulged #cause not many people indulge him so hes like thats my best friend now its wonderful look at him hes hilarious #and paul is like yes as funny as a brick wall im so happy for you

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arom-antix · 4 months

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Happy birthday to the man, the myth, the legend, trophy husband of Yuuri Katsuki, Viktor Nikiforov!

#oh and fuck that post #HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOI YOU DESERVE THE WORLD #christmas ends on the 24th here so GUESS WHAT #THE 25TH IS ALL ABOUT VIKTOR BABYYY #also theyre married your honour idc what plaintiff has to say because im right they have no grounds to sue #anyway i drew this before yuuris birthday and has been sitting on it for a month now and i am SO glad to get it posted #and despite having that much time to prepare this post im sitting here on christmas eve and typing this out while hiding from festivities #also IGNORE THAT THE COAT ISNT ACCURATE I JUST DREW IT OKAY #its embarrassing as someone who lives in a cold country to draw a winter coat wrong #people from warm countries have no idea what im talking about probably and if you do or are from a cold country and know then no you dont #the coat is perfect youre just imagining things #also lemme tell you those eyelashes made me so happy to draw #i ADORE pale lashes theyre so fun #tbh i adore all colours but im particularly fond of white grey and black hair and white lashes #its just so chefs kiss #if you have pale invisible lashes that you think make you look weird no they dont they make you look incredible #also yes this is ABSOLUTELY a companion piece to the birthday piece i did for yuuri #i said i liked to imagine that piece being how viktor sees yuuri #well heres viktor looking at yuuri #yuri on ice #yuri on ice fanart #fanart #art #arom antix art #arom antix #viktor nikiforov

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ominousblob · 2 months

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//I love you so much it hurts me, maybe that's my problem.

#my writing #quotes #poetry #literature #words #writing #i just pumped this out in 20 min and barely edited it right now #i needed to dump it somewhere and yeah it feels like im flaying my soul but its okie #on fathers #and whatnot #this is sick im so happy no one here knows my face. keep this in the notes app #this one may be especially crappier than other ones because i made it all in an emotional haze #original poem #prose poetry

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bora-panda · 1 year

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The Story (pt. 1/2) (For best viewing experience listen to The Story by Conan Gray - starting 0:33 sec and scrolling to the lyrics:))

https://open.spotify.com/track/5GVPVxgdgTKJFxSxLVIw1A?si=4e9e96a5d3874be5

#this show in my entire personality at the moment #in love with the soundtrack so I HAD to make this comic #I really pushed myself to actually draw backgrounds instead of just a solid color and im so happy I did because LOOK #just LOOK #I'm so happy with how all the drawings turned out ahhhh #This isn't the end of the story #I'm gonna have another part to show their happy ending do not fear #the eighth sense #the eighth sense fanart #bl fanart #kdrama fanart #if you havent watched this drama yet RUN DONT WALK AND GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW #you wont regret it #its the best kbl i've seen in a while #boraboop

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greyias · 11 months

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I really don’t want swtor to shut down it’s the only eu thing that’s active we have left

I knew these asks were going to start coming in.

So for those who haven't heard, it was reported, and then later confirmed by Keith Kanneg on the forums, that EA is "selling" SWTOR to another developer, Broadsword. For those who want to read the article discussing it, you can read here: https://www.ign.com/articles/star-wars-the-old-republic-development-third-party-bioware

TL;DR -- It's not shutting down. The servers are going to stay active for a while

There's a few points to note here:

If I understand things correctly, EA actually owns Broadsword. So EA is in fact not actually offloading a property, I think what's actually happening is BioWare Austin itself is being divvied out and would not be surprised to see if that branch is shut down

At least half of the SWTOR dev team is part of this move, so the key things to keep an eye on is which members of the dev team are moving. If the narrative staff is kept intact, then we have more story ahead of us beyond what's been written, and they've confirmed we're getting 7.3, 7.3.1, and 7.4. It's important to note that their production timeline is generally a year out from things being written, so story-wise, if they have narrative staff, we'll likely still have some story drops ahead of us

SWTOR is profitable (it hit over $1 billion in profit several years ago), and I will admit I don't have the best understanding of video game finances, but my impresion it was far into the black and maybe not an enromous cash cow, but a decent consistent revenue stream. EA is a publisher that is about profits, so as long as the game is profitable, even if there's not new story drops, the game will stay online

Disney has seemingly taken a recent interest in SWTOR after mostly ignoring it after its acquisition of Star Wars, even going so far as to finally acknowledge the general KOTOR/SWTOR era in their presentations last year at Celebration. Does this ultimately mean anything? I don't know, but SWTOR is one of the longest running current properties with a stable player base. They're just as interested in profit as EA. Probably another indicator that the game will keep running for a while.

Other properties that Broadsword operates, such as Dark Age of Camelot and Ultima Online, are old games. Ultima Online was released in 1997, and the servers are still active. So like, I think regardless of what happens in regards of the story, we're not losing the ability to log in and play the game

Long term subscriptions - I remember reading, and forgive me, because I've long forgotten the source, that a key indicator if the servers are going offline is to also keep an eye on the six-month subscription option. Basically, if suddenly the only option for subs goes down to one month, that's when to worry about being able to actually play the game.

This is probably not about SWTOR, but BioWare as a whole. It seems there's a leadership issue at the main Alberta office that's causing issues. This is likely an Anthem issue all over again, but Anthem this time happens to be the Mass Effect and Dragon Age properties. Unfortunately, BioWare Austin looks like it's going to suffer the consequences of that, even though they've been running a tight ship overall compared to the rest of the branches. I feel for them. This sucks.

Now I'm not an oracle, I have no idea if this is ultimately a good or bad thing for the game itself. There's a lot of evidence for both sides of the coin, so right now the best thing is to wait and see. We at least have the promise of the next two patches. Let's focus on enjoying that, and celebrating what we love about our silly space game.

If you love the game, keep playing it. Spend money on it, and keep it profitable and it will stay around. Be kind and supportive of the devs, who regardless of how this shakes out, are going through a major transition. But immediately decrying an active game's death and going into doom and gloom is not going to help things.

Will we get more story beyond 7.4? I do not know one way or the other. I hope we do, but it's hard to say for certain on that front. But I do believe we'll still have our toons and be able to replay all of the released content for quite a while to come. Again, for now I'm just going to enjoy my favorite game, and support it as long as I have it. Even if this inevitably means it's going to change.

#i will say #they made a significant investment in regards to the upcoming date night stuff #as its all fully voiced #which involves a LOT of voice actors #so i just don't know guys #i'm just going to focus on loving my game #in all its quirks and quibbles #but will probably be muting or unfollowing anyone being overtly negative about this news #as i just don't have it in me to see a constant stream of negativity about my happy place right now #you do you #we all cope in our own ways #i'm trying to remain cautiously hopeful #forgive me i got about four hours of sleep last night #because insomnia has to insomnia #so i hope this came across well

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actual-changeling · 1 year

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This post is something that can actually be so personal and no I am not done talking about it. There's a whole concept behind it and the fucking hair ties are just one way of channeling it but oh boy is it a good one. This works so well with the hair braiding too and i cannot think about it to much or i will spontaneously combust, but I had to so I hope you enjoy the result of it.

Joel has a hair tie on his wrist because Ellie forgets to take a spare and when the first one breaks or she loses it somehow, he can offer it to her before her hair becomes an annoyance.

He has one because she gives it to him sometimes when they're laying on the couch and her ponytail makes resting her head on a pillow or against his chest uncomfortable. At times she also takes it out simply because her scalp is especially sensitive that day and the constant pull becomes painful after a while. There's always another one in his jacket pocket, too, so when Ellie asks him for braids afterward or allows him to do her hair he isn't limited to simpler styles.

It starts with hair ties in Jackson but there are months of different acts preceding it.

Joel carried whatever he could for her, taking more than necessary sometimes because the slim line of her shoulders being weighed down by her backpack made his heart ache even when he couldn't admit it to himself back then, not at first at least. There are water bottles, sweatshirts she cannot quite fit into hers that day, all of their food, whatever first aid materials he can find, even a spare bar of soap.

Then he starts carrying hair ties once they get to Jackson and suddenly he needs to keep a brush on him, too, and with the brush comes a comb and with the comb comes a hat and with the hat comes a homemade creme he traded for since her hands are uncomfortably dry sometimes (she never said so but he knows her), and after that what started as a small piece of twisted fabric turns into him carry a bag around that is filled with everything his brain thinks Ellie might require at some point. Sure, maybe he is being a little bit overprotective and maybe Tommy jokes about getting him a purse several times, but he can offer her sunscreen and a bottle of water during summer, he gives her gloves and a scarf in winter when she doesn't remember to put them on before leaving, there's always one of her books in a side pocket, too, and as soon as he finds her a new one, her Walkman gets an especially safe place in his bag.

And yes, he fusses over her a little bit too much, maybe even to the point of being smothering sometimes (she always tells him to back off when that happens and he does without complaint), but Ellie grew up utterly alone and without someone to look after her for fourteen years, she deserves to know what it is like to be cared about by someone. Whatever she asks for, whatever she needs, he gives it to her even when she could walk home and come back with the thing in question in less than ten minutes. There's always a snack, a spare sweatshirt in case she gets cold, space for the one she takes off when she gets too warm, a small sketchbook and a pencil both as a distraction and so she can draw whenever she feels like it.

No one pays any attention to it, and while Tommy softly teases him about it from time to time, the smile that blooms on Ellie's face when he quietly gives her something she needs based on nothing but hardwired instincts before the words leave her mouth tells him everything he needs to know.

Joel might not be good with words, but he continues to carry a bag and hands her little pieces of his love time and time again, hoping she can put the puzzle together, hoping she knows.

Ellie does the same, hoping Joel notices it, hoping he knows what it means, that with every time she tells him to rest, every cup of coffee on his nightstand, every night spent in his bed when she wakes to the mere suggestion of a nightmare and brushes them away before they can settle so she can put herself in their place instead, every trashy action movie she borrows from the library for their weekly movie night, every handmade guitar pick she gifts him, every single gesture she does not have to do but does regardless because she wants to, she is saying I love you, too.

They notice, they care, they willing hand over carefully chosen parts of themselves and the puzzle they piece together is one and the same, because paying attention to things is how they show love and it is oh so easy when there is nothing to look at but each other.

#alex writes tlou #the last of us #tlou #joel and ellie #joel miller #ellie williams #fanfic #miller family #episode 3 reference because i go insane over half the lines they say fucking craig i hate you i hate you what did you do to my brain #also i finally got the bill and frank strawberry shirt and i am wearing it right now and i am in love #two old gay men living a happy life in the apocalypse is actually so defining to me as a lesbian #does that make sense probably not but its true #anyway inbox open as always it is easier to write you something if it's related to my current brain rot topic but i get to everything #eventually i just wanna do it properly

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givemewallywestorgivemedeath · 6 months

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Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

#started anti depressants recently. kinda had an epiphany. i can't hate who i was. if i met me now i wouldn't blame that tiny child #for their rancid beliefs or for being dragged to protests. because thats a CHILD. i HAVE met kids in that position and i feel nothing but #pity and anger on their behalf. so why am i holding that version of myself to a higher standard?#i could not have known what i know now at 6 or 8 or 10. the same way that i could not have written a college level essay at that age #but i did what i could. in my own 8 y/o way. i believed in love and humanity and happiness. i was just misguided in the 'hows' of it all #and i am so so so so so proud. of every single microscopic step that i took. every question i asked. every thought that i hid and protected #and pondered secretly at night until new ideas and doubts bloomed like a dandelion through the pavement #and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw #until their answers stopped adding up. until i sought knowledge elsewhere with a mind dehydrated and malnourished and begging for knowledge #in any form i could get. i just. if i could hug that kid? if i could right now reach out and give that terrified and lonely child a hug?#i would. a million times over.#anyway sorry for the intense personal rant I'm just going through it rn and I'm like.... actually feeling alright #its wild. did you guys know about this??? anti depressants make you NOT depressed??? shits insane fam #irl #personal

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