Legolas, after the battle at Helm’s Deep: If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that an elf's life is a precious commodity. Just because we have great hair and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a battle.
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Helm’s Deep by Jeremy Bennett
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omg two chapters more??? joy joy JOY 🌞🌞🌞 (i was genuinely sad last week when i suddenly discovered that we had less than one month left, wackus you're the patron saint of my Mondays morning ❤️)
patron saint of monday mornings omg this is the title of my dreams 💕 i get blessed by waking up to asks and comments on monday mornings so i just bless you right back.
yeah omg 6 more chapters should do it. don't mind me i'm just trying to helm's deep this finale so it's worthwile to everyone who's been following my fic since the beginning.
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Funny anxiety dream last night...
So I'm at the Battle of Helm's Deep but for whatever reason I was tasked with making a chocolate raspberry cheesecake.
The catch? It had to be vegan.
Why? They wanted to launch it into the Uruk-hai army.
They figured Uruk-hai love chocolate raspberry cheesecake so they'd start eating it, but then get really really depressed that it was vegan, so they'd just turn around and leave.
Do you know how hard it is to make cheesecake in Middle Earth? Especially during a battle when they don't really have supplies? And then they hit you with vegan??
Like, they've breached the walls and I'm trying to figure out what to do and things are dire. And I'm looking at Theoden and Aragorn as they're explaining this vegan cheesecake plan and going "you're shitting me" and Aragorn very seriously responds "we shit you not".
The thing is? It worked. How did they know Uruk-hai love chocolate raspberry cheesecake?
Also I'm pretty sure I made the crust out of lembas.
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night scenes in lord of the rings I love you
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Theoden: The fortress is taken. It is over.
Aragorn: Boy, some people are just glass-half-empty.
Theoden: The glass is empty, Aragorn. It's completely empty. If you gave that glass to a man who was dying of thirst, he would be dead. Do you know why?
Aragorn: Before I answer, was he a smoker?
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Isengard Unleashed by Jeremy Bennett
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today was the whole-trilogy extended editions we-die-like-riders-of-rohan-in-a-26-degree-movie-theater marathon of lord of the rings, and i gotta say watching these movies two decades later,
they're still delightful
it's funny how they seem more and more an artifact of the period they were produced in (not in a bad way, mind)
it is annoying how little peter jackson trusts his audience. like. all major landmarks have to be within line of sight of each other. voice overs have to unambiguously lampshade every plot beat that was foreshadowed earlier in the movie. gandalf all but literally says at the end of the two towers "see you next time in... return of the king!" moments in the books that are already hella cinematic like the paths of the dead have to punched up just a little extra, like with an indiana jones skull slide. and it's just not necessary! trust your audience!
you can really tell what dialogue is from the books, and what dialogue is original attempts at tolkien pastiche, because even if you don't know the books encyclopedically, the walsh-boyens-jackson team is just. not at all up to doing the pastiche well. this isn't counting the lines that are absolutely cringe, like "let's hunt some orcs." or all of gimli's dialogue. god they do gimli so dirty turning a prince of the dwarves into the drunken comic relief.
when did we decide all dwarves were scottish, and they all used the same vaguely modernist angular architecture? i think it was before lord of the rings. was it in the 90s? the 80s?
was the Tomato Incident a spontaneous choice by john noble or a directorial decision? did they have to do multiple takes?
it's so fun watching these movies in theaters now because the bits that gets everyone to laugh or cheer are the ones that have seeped into pop culture in weird ways. "they're taking the hobbits to isengard," of course. "po-ta-toes." but also just aragorn kicking the helmet got a big giggle from the audience, because everyone was Thinking The Thing.
some extremely committed soul came in cosplay, with a thick elven-style cloak and everything, despite the fact it was unusually hot today and the Babylon's ac was not coping well. i don't know how they survived. i hope they survived?
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this literally looks like the kind of green screen work you see on high school morning announcements but without even the courtesy of being well lit i cannot do this anymore
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