#as you can see i have a lot i want to do and no motivation to do it

[girlokwhatever]

can you do paige being jelly of you and kks rls (you and kk are just friends but paige claims “yall r too close”)

⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡.｡.:*✧ focus on me,,

paige bueckers x fem!reader

2 WEEKS AGO:

paige was just getting back from personal training, walking through the team’s dorm door and letting her shoes slide off her feet. she didn’t see anyone, but she heard the sound of kk’s screaming laughter. paige figured she needed to relax a bit, so she went to drop her bags off in her room and then go see what kk was up to.

as she walked closer to her teammates door, she heard the sweet sound of your voice. in any other situation it would’ve soothed paige, but here—coming from kk’s room, it didn’t.

your girlfriend pushed the door open gently, a light frown on her face upon observing you and kk. the two of you were laying on kk’s bed, phone screen in front of you both.

“hey guys.” your giggles ceased and your head turned, only to be greeted with paige’s unamused expression.

“oh! hi baby,”

“i thought you said you were working today?” you’re sitting straight now, looking up at paige from your position next to kk. your friend stays silent, pushing her hand over the phone’s microphone to muffle your conversation. she could sense the tension coming from paige and wasn’t really sure where this was going.

“they let me off early, really slow day.” you explain to your girlfriend, slightly shocked at the way she’s acting. you didn’t think on it too much though, assuming she was just fatigued.

“why didn’t you tell me?”

“you were busy paige.”

it aggravates paige that you didn’t tell her, instead opting to spend your rare free time with kk. and paige wouldn’t say it out loud, but she was also jealous that you and kk went live without her. everyone said that the three of you were a trio.

“you guys went live without me?”

“it’s not a big deal, babe. we do all the time.”

6 DAYS AGO:

the team was on a ‘recreational team bonding field trip’ and everyone insisted you join, especially kk. you and the freshman had grown quite fond of each other, feeding off the other’s energy and enthusiasm. you were definitely the lives of the party.

you had been spending a lot of time with kk actually, which was starting to get to paige. she’d suggest a fun activity for the two of you to do, and you were always saying “kk should come too!”

paige really enjoyed having you here today, loving and admiring the way you fit in so perfectly with all her friends. even on the way here you were cracking jokes and making everyone laugh. she was thankful to have you, grateful for how receptive everyone is to having you around.

everyone had been hiking up the mountain for about an hour and a half, finally making it to the top. you rejoiced, high-fiving everyone around you. you motivated everyone undoubtedly. it made paige want to kiss you and she was about to— until kk jogged up to the two of you and pulled you away.

it was time to take the zip line down to the bottom of the mountain, something everyone was excited about (really their only good reason to come). everyone needed to pick a partner and paige didn’t even think twice about knowing you were hers. you were her girlfriend for christsake, she didn’t need to call dibs on you.

apparently she did though, cause kk claimed you as her partner instead. what upset paige the most was that you didn’t even say no. never saying “i want to be paige’s partner.”

that’s how paige ended up with nika, the two of them going last.

“if looks could kill..”

“what?” nika’s words drew paige out of her daydream, grounding her back in this moment she wishes wasn’t even happening.

“i saw the look you gave kk. why didn’t you say something?”

it was a good question really. why didn’t she?

suddenly paige remembers your and kk’s shared screams of joy going down the zip line. she remembers the way kk interlocked your hands and threw them up in the air like she was on a rollercoaster. like kk was your girlfriend.

“doesn’t matter. my girlfriend seemed to enjoy herself with another girl.”

“oh paige, don’t be like that. that’s just how kk is.”

when nika and paige made it to the bottom of the zip line it felt like five years had passed. you and kk had been the first to go, and paige had to wait ten minutes for everyone else to be done. upon making it back to ground, paige noticed ashlynn taking a picture of you and kk.

kk’s arm was around your shoulders as she leaned into you, a big stupid grin on her face. you were smiling too, not minding kk’s close proximity.

after being unclipped from the line paige walked towards you, trying to let her frustrations drain away so she could just enjoy the day.

“baby,”

“hold on- what kk?”

2 DAYS AGO:

the team had been back from practice for a few hours now, everyone just relaxing and doing their own thing. paige really wanted to take this reprieve to spend alone time with you, becoming increasingly aware that you hardly ever got a moment to yourselves.

but of course, her plans changed when kk asked to play video games with you at your apartment. you said yes, now sitting on your couch with kk playing COD while paige sulked in another room. you hadn’t realized she was sulking, just thinking she was tired and went to take a nap.

about an hour into playing, your girlfriend came padding out of your bedroom and into the living area. you were too distracted and paige was too childish, quickly unplugging the power cord to the TV without either you or kk noticing.

“NOOOO!”

“WHAT HAPPENED??”

“bro your tv is broken,”

“you probably broke it-“

paige’s voice cut through the air like a knife, bringing both you and kk back into reality. you’re both staring at her wide-eyed with mouths agape.

“well, looks like you gotta go home kk, playing video games there.” paige is fake shrugging like she too is disappointed in the circumstances. you’re squinting and suspecting of her tone but it quickly vanishes.

“TRUE, we can go to the dorms and play girl boo!”

paige’s shoulders shrink, watching as you gather your shoes and keys. her plan backfired on her almost instantly.

“maybe we can just stay here babe? i can help you fix the tv,”

“i’ll fix it later p. you comin?”

CURRENT DAY:

paige was beyond excited. was.

she had gone out of her way to plan a nice dinner for you, trying to cook up something nice. she had even printed out a recipe and followed it step-by-step. she went to the store to get you flowers, bought a new dvd to add to your collection, and even wrote you a little love letter.

you told her you’d be getting off by 5:30. it was now 6:43. she was certain the food was cold and stale by now, not worth eating. she had to blow out the candles she lit at the table because the wax started dripping onto the wooden surface. paige was almost finished with her homemade cocktails she learned how to make just for tonight when you walked through the door. finally.

“hey baby!” you hadn’t looked up yet, kicking off your shoes and shrugging your jacket down your shoulders.

“where’ve you been?”

you finally looked up, letting your surroundings sink in along with the instant guilt. you had no idea she was planning anything.

“i was doing this thing with kk-“

at the mention of her friend’s name again paige aggressively pushed her drink away and stormed off. you stood there dumbfounded for a second before quickly following behind her, having to jog to keep up with her pace.

“paige? what’s wrong?”

“what’s wrong?! i think if you mention kk one more time im going to lose my mind. all you do is hang out with her. like i’m not even here. y’know, i planned this whole night because i wanted to spend quality time with you. but instead of wanting to come home to me, you go to kk?!”

“paige i didn’t know you-“

“and y’know what?! i’m tired of you prioritizing her. i’m your girlfriend. not kk. me! you’re too close with her..” she’s silent for a moment and you let her words linger in the air. “jus want you to focus on me.”

her head is hung low and saying it out loud almost makes her feel selfish. but you understand her, you consider her words and realize she’s right.

you have been spending a lot of time with kk. and in turn, you sacrificed precious time with paige to do so. it crushes you now that you know, and you suddenly wish you could go back and time. a few stray tears roll down your girlfriend’s face, landing on her favorite button up. she picked it for this special occasion. just for you.

you peak your head out to the kitchen, soaking in the decorations and the ghost of paige’s effort to make this night amazing for you. a frown settles deep on your features when you realize you’re ruining this night for her.

“paige, i love you so much. unbelievably so. i’m so sorry, please let me make it up to you while we enjoy the meal you made.” you’re almost pleading with her, wiping her few tears away and cradling her fragility. she nods, a weak smile adorning her face as she looks at you.

the dinner had been amazing and paige swears you told her that about a million different times. she liked it though. your reassurance and affirmations let her know that you cared about her more than anything else.

“i love you paigey.”

“not kk?”

“not kk.”

“good, i love you too”

“wait- you were just jealous-“

“shut up.”

┊┊❁ཻུ۪۪♡ ͎. ｡˚ °. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄

YALLLLLLL

idk 😋

#paige buckets #paige bueckers #uconn wbb #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers x reader #uconn huskies #uconn women’s basketball

[twistedwonderlandyuusworld]

Twst Dormleaders + Jamil Accidentally Call MC (Y/N) a Mudblood During an Argument

A/N: This is a Harry Potter AU. I would highly suggest reading the previous: “Twst boys and their Blood Status”, to really grasp the understanding of this concept because if you don’t you may or may not be confused. If you aren’t familiar with the term “Mudblood”, it’s a very offensive word that pure-blood wizards and half blood wizards (ironically enough) use against muggleborns. The meaning is “dirty blood”. Now I know I said in the previous post that most of the boys would never discriminate against blood status, and that’s true but sometimes people can say what they don’t mean, especially when they’re angry. Now I might make a part 2 of this post as redemption headcanons on how they apologize, idk. Now just to clarify MC (y/n) is not dating them but the boys do have a secret crush on them and they’re friends.

Riddle Rosehearts

You two were arguing about how you are apparently getting “lazy” with your school work. But in your defense you weren’t being lazy because you had a lot on your plate, being prefect of Ramshackle and the “beast tamer”.

You two were in the Heartstabyl Lounge area studying because he wanted to help you

You kept picking up your phone every five minutes to answer texts from your friends or professors and Riddle was getting annoyed with you every passing minute.

“Prefect, don’t you know how rude it is to be on your phone when someone is speaking to you?” He says tapping his gloved fingers on the table with an annoyed expression.

“Hm?” You say while scrolling and not making eye contact.

Riddle rolls his eyes. “You’re supposed to be paying attention. I’m helping you for a reason. On your last potions exam you received a 70%. That’s extremely disgraceful for not only just for a regular student, but also a prefect!”

You finally put your phone down and make eye contact with him. “Will you just relax? A 70% isn’t bad. It’s still passing, and besides that topic was so hard to learn. Will you just cut me some slack?”

Riddle sees red when you say a mere 70% “isn’t bad”. He stands up and begins to raise his voice while making eye contact with you. “You can’t be serious Y/n! You’re supposed to be setting an example! Why are you even a prefect if you can’t even have the motivation to work hard and have perseverance! And besides the topic wasn’t even difficult, it’s just you’re not even trying!”

You get angry and stand up to meet his eye level. “Not trying? NOT TRYING? You have no idea what my life is like everyday! To have an idiot headmaster to make you do his job for him, solve problems that aren’t even your fault and stop overblots without dying! Of course you would be inconsiderate of my situation and scold me! Listen just because your mother was hard on you with your academics, doesn’t mean you have to act that way with me!”

Riddle loses it

“YOU’RE RIGHT, I WOULDN’T EXPECT A MUDBLOOD LIKE YOU TO UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF SUCCEEDING IN COMPLEX WIZARD ACADEMICS!”

There was a pause

You stare at him for a long time without blinking

Riddle realizes what came out of his mouth, he knows that was he said was extremely below the belt. He clears his throat and averts his eyes.

Then his eyes widen with horror, a sight he was dreaded to see. Your eyes went red and glossy. Tears began to flow from your eyes.

“Y/n I-.” He was cut off by you swiftly packing your things and hastily leaving the room.

Riddle quietly curses himself. How stupid can he be? He made people cry before. But he’d never thought in a million years that he would make the person he secretly loved cry. Especially using….THAT word. He wants to make it up to you. But how?

Leona Kingscholar

You were angry at the fact that Crowley made it YOUR responsibility to make sure that Leona was going to class on time and participate in his studies.

Not only that, but you were angry at the fact that you barely got to spend time with him due to his excessive sleeping schedule. At first, you didn’t mind helping Leona get to class on time or that he likes to sleep. But after a while, it became a chore to “babysit” the lazy lion.

You were on your way to the botanical gardens, Leona’s self claimed napping spot, to tell him he needs to be in class.

You found him

“Leona.” You gently shook him.

He shifts and turns to you with a half open glare.

He lightly growls. “Go away Herbivore. Can’t you see I’m napping?”

You roll your eyes. “Yes I can see that and you shouldn’t be. You are meant to be in class.”

He ignores you

You huff in frustration and gently kick his side. “Up. Now.”

Leona growls loudly this time and sits up.

“Don’t you have any idea of how much this situation affects me? What do you get out of sleeping all the time? I want to spend time with you and you’re not making any effort on your part.” You say while crossing your arms.

Leona rolls his eyes

“Tsk. You’re such a nuisance. Not everything is about you. Now run along and play with the other annoying first year brats.” He turns his head while shooing his hand dismissively.

Your eyes widen.

“Are you kidding me?! Do you know how much pressure I’m in? You are so selfish! You act like you’re the king of everything and don’t even give a damn about things around you! You’re being heartless!

“Just leave, you’re being an annoying mudblood but you don’t seem to be aware of that.”

“W-what?….” You say quietly and shocked staring at him.

“I said leave!” He says shifting back into his previous sleeping position turning away from you.

You look down and tears make their way fast down your cheeks.

“F-fine…I’ll go.” You say trying to sound like you weren’t crying but failed.

You turned on your heel and quickly made your way out of the botanical gardens without looking back.

When you left Leona instantly felt a weight on him….a feeling called guilt. He curses himself and shifts his laying position to him now laying on his back looking up. He couldn’t believe that he just disrespected the one he secretly fancied. He knows he’ll get a scolding from Ruggie later.

Azul Ashengrotto

You and Azul were partnered for a potion project for Professor Crewel’s Alchemy class.

Many students didn’t like working with Azul due to his reputation, however, you were fine with working with him because you seen him from a different angle.

However with intelligence comes with a touch of arrogance.

Azul had a bad habit of being arrogant because of how intelligent he was. And just because you were friends with him, there was no exception.

You both were in one of the labs working on the potion

“Stop. Stop. Stop. You’re adding too much.” He says while blocking the top of the cauldron with his hands.

You look at him annoyed. He’s been doing this for the past 15 minutes. You were confident that you were following the instructions carefully.

“No I’m not.” “Yes you are.” “No.” “Yes.”

That went on for some time.

You were finally fed up

“Why are you so obnoxious, Azul? Why do you think you’re superior to me?” Azul rubs his temple annoyed. “That’s not the case. I’m just simply correcting you of your mistakes. That’s all prefect.” He says through his teeth.

“I barely make mistakes! I’m just as capable as you are when it comes to magic! Hell I’m just as skilled as you are!”

Azul then chuckles lowly.

“Why are you laughing?” You say with a hint of venom in your voice.

“Prefect, let’s not over-exaggerate and make unrealistic claims.” He says arrogantly as he mixes the potion.

“And what exactly are you implying?” He pauses and collects himself before he answers.

“Let’s just say you have a lot of room for improvement. Compared to you I am more gifted and boarder line perfect at my studies.”

You retaliated

“Well I can say the same for you.” He pauses and looks at you. “Oh? Do tell?”

“While you have intelligence you sure lack at physical education. Not exactly what I would call “perfect”. Azul’s eyebrow twitches when you mention the one subject in school he sucks at.

Physical education was a really touchy subject for Azul. He was constantly bullied because he was always in last place. He sucked at it when he was a kid, and he sucked at it now.

You smirk in satisfaction when you see his reaction and you continue to add ingredients to the cauldron.

“At least I’m not a headmaster’s lapdog!” He says in defense.

You stop what you’re doing and turn to him. “At least I’m not a scheming, lying sad excuse of a house warden who can’t let go of the past!”

“AT LEAST I’M NOT A FILTHY MUDBLOOD WHO DOESN’T BELONG HERE!”

You look at him with wide eyes.

Azul immediately realizes his mistake

“Y/n please I-.” He tries to walk over to you but you walk away. He hears faint noises of whimpers and sniffles coming from you. It was clear that you were crying. He sighs angry at himself

“Why did I do that?….now they’ll never love me back….”

Kalim Al Asim

You two were hanging out in the Scarabia dorm lounge. Kalim had tea and snacks laid out and you both were talking for hours.

Kalim wanted to ask you questions about the world you came from

Some were easy to answer but some of them were on the touchy side. Such as “What were your parents like?” Or “Were you happy with your old self before you came here?” Etc.

You were slightly annoyed but didn’t say anything

Then suddenly Kalim asks

“Do you know why the mirror chose you? I mean after all your boarder line just a regular human with the exception of a little bit magical ancestry.”

This question made you set your teacup down. You didn’t know why. So many people asked you this question. You didn’t know why you were randomly taken away from a world you were content in. The more you thought about it, the less special you thought you were.

“I-I don’t know Kalim, can you please not ask me that again?”

Kalim looks at you surprised

“But why? It’s just a simple question.”

“No it’s not, just drop it okay?” You say averting your eyes

“Oh I should’ve known….mudblood’s tend to be really sensitive about their feelings.”

Now it’s to be mentioned that Kalim didn’t know what the word “mudblood” actually meant. All he knew was it was a term used to address muggle-borns. In fact he thought it was a new use of slang because he over heard some other pure-blood wizards use that term in class. He didn’t know that it would offend you.

You freeze and slowly meet his gaze

Kalim looks at you. “What?”

“Don’t you EVER call me that again!” And with that, you get up and angrily march your way out of the lounge passing Jamil on your way out.

Kalim looks at Jamil shocked. “Did I say something wrong?”

Jamil shakes his head disapprovingly while rubbing his temple and mumbles, “Why are you such an idiot?”

Jamil Viper

You wanted Jamil to take a break. That’s all you wanted.

He was over-working himself because he felt obligated to. Even Kalim told him to take a break. But he simply wouldn’t accept it.

He wasn’t answering your texts and even calls, so you made your way to Scarabia

You searched for him everywhere until you caught sight of him making his way to his bedroom.

“Jamil!” I speed walked up to him and he meets your gaze with a tired and bored expression.

He exhales sharply. “What do you want Prefect. I’m quite busy.”

“That’s exactly why I need to talk to you. Why are you making yourself busy all the time? You haven’t been answering your phone.”

He rubs his temple annoyed. “And here I thought you needed something important……if you came here to waste my time, leave. I have no time for nonsense.”

He turns to enter his room but you grab his arm to stop him. “Why are you being like this. I just want to help-“

“Well you aren’t! So stop trying and leave! I don’t know why you would care about a servant like me!”

You were taken aback by his harsh response

“Is this what this is about?! I don’t care about your status!” You say. “I just want to spend time with you that’s all! You don’t have to be at Kalim’s side for every little thing!”

“WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SITUATION AND HARD WORK, YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A MUDBLOOD!”

Pause

You let go of his arm and take a few steps back

“Wait hold on I-.” Jamil tries to say, but you left teary eyed.

Jamil curses under his breath and goes into his room. His sits down on his bed and reflects on what just happened while putting his hands through his hair.

“Now they’ll definitely choose Kalim over me now…”

Vil Schoenheit

“Honestly Prefect, do you always leave looking like this?”

Vil has been scolding you for the past ten minutes because of the state of your messy attire.

You were rolling your eyes because of how dramatic he was being. After all, it was just your tie being undone and there were just a few strands of hair out of place.

“Stop being over-dramatic, Vil. It’s not a big deal.”

His eyes widen in disbelief. “It is VERY much a big deal. If you’re going to be a Prefect, you need to look your best. Your academics not only reflect your dorm and school but also how well kept you keep yourself!”

He begins to fix your hair and tie but you were being uncooperative and moved a lot.

“Stop moving!” “Get your hands off me!”

He stops and looks at you. “So you would rather look like a filthy potato and have me just leave you like this?”

“I want you stop acting like you’re my mother!” You say defensively.

“Well if you dressed yourself properly, I wouldn’t have to!” He retaliates.

“Do you take pride in being a stuck up person?!” You yell back.

“And do YOU take pride in being an unfashionable mudblood?” He says calmly while glaring down at you.

You look at him shocked with wide eyes

His glare softens and he clears his throat realizing his rude mistake.

“Prefect….listen…” Before he could finish you take off.

Rook , who was listening to the whole conversation, of course, seen you leaving and went up to Vil.

“That was a very unbeautiful thing to say, Roi de Poison. You have to apologize.”

Vil exhales sharply, “I know….i just wanted to help…I just wanted to show them how beautiful they are. But they won’t let me…”

Rook sighs, “By calling them the forbidden word?”

Vil’s gaze is down

“At this rate….they’ll never give me a chance…I have to make it up to them.”

Idia Shroud

You wanted him to leave his room. It was a very unhealthy life style in your opinion.

You guys always spent time in his room all because he didn’t want to leave due to his anti-social lifestyle.

Well this time, you wanted to change things a bit

You went to Ignihyde dorm, and you made your way to his room. You knocked on the door and he answered it.

“H-Hey Prefect.”

“Why don’t we hang out outside today. It’s a great cloudy day out.”

He pauses before he answers

“W-why?”

“Well, it’s different and you could get out more- “No.” He cuts you off.

“No? But why?”

He rolls his eyes. “In case you hadn’t noticed Prefect, I don’t do well with….outside.”

You cross your arms. “Well it wouldn’t hurt to try. Come on.” You take his arm and lead him outside despite his protests.

You both make your way outside of the dorm and go into the main court yard of the school.

“See? Isn’t this better?” You say with a smile.

He shakes his head slowly while looking at the ground.

You both go sit down on a bench and begin talking.

“Hey Prefect!” You look up and see Ace and Deuce. “Hey!” You smile and wave them over.

Idia rolls his eyes in annoyance. He hated interacting with other people, not only that, he was annoyed at the fact that Ace and Deuce always was interrupting your guys’s hang out time. Whether if it was showing up in person or texting. He was always jealous of them. Couldn’t they go one day without talking to you?

“So whatcha guys doing?” Asked Ace.

“Well we are just sitting here and talking.” You replied with a smile. “May we join you?” Deuce asked.

“Sur- “No.” Idia interrupts you. You look at him confused. “Huh?” Ace says. Deuce speaks up. “So is that a yes or- “It’s a no.” Idia says passive aggressively.

Ace and Deuce look at you confused. “Well…okay…see you later y/n.” Ace says awkwardly and leaves with Deuce. After they leave, you turn to Idia and glare.

“What the hell was that? Why did you do that?”

“Why do YOU feel the need to be at their aid every moment of every day?” He replies hostile.

“What’s your problem? Are you still mad at the fact that I made you come outside?” “No….its not that!” “Then what is it?! You’re being extremely weird.” “And you’re being an inconsiderate mudblood!”

“No YOU’RE the one who’s-….wait…what?”

He pauses and averts his eye realizing what he said. “Um…”

Your blood boils as you stand up. “Fine, you can go back to your room. I’m sorry that a mudblood like me wasted your time.” You hastily leaves the area.

“Wait hold on-.” He was left with his own thoughts. “……Ortho is not gonna like this.” He says quietly to himself.

Malleus Draconia

Malleus wanted to spend time with you so badly. However, your rigorous schedule wouldn’t allow it.

He would always try to make plans with you, like getting ice cream together, going on nightly walks, or even studying; but you always politely declined

The more times you canceled, the more annoyed and angry Malleus got.

Well he had enough and decided to confront you late at night. He got Silver to tell you to meet him at the court yard.

Once you got there, you were met with a very angry dragon fae.

“Oh Tsunotaro, did you need something?”

“I’m not liking the fact that you’re being so casual about this, Child of Man.”

You look at him confused, you genuinely didn’t know what he was talking about, you were completely oblivious towards his words.

“Have I done something wrong?”

He exhales so sharply in frustration that you could’ve sworn you seen smoke coming out of him. You know that he’s extremely upset.

“You always decline my plans with you. And yet you have the audacity to be so naive about it. Not to mention, I see you around those first years, you claim that you’re “busy” but you’re spending time with them….” He glares at you with his arms crossed. Then it finally hit you, was he jealous?

“Tsunotaro, listen-.”

“No, I believe that it is YOU who will listen, Child of Man. I go out of my way to make some time with you and this is how you repay me?”

You get defensive. “YOU have to make time??? I have to make time for so much! You have no idea what my life is like! I’m sorry that you’re so clingy to understand, but I have a life too. And besides I wouldn’t exactly call my time with Ace and Deuce “hanging out”, I would call it “babysitting”, because that’s exactly what I do everyday! Babysit! So I’m sorry if you’re so clingy and needy to the point where you can’t understand that I can’t babysit and entertain you too!”

He takes great offense to your words. Is that really what you see him as? A somebody to entertain for a while and drop them whenever you felt like it?

He glares at you. “Perhaps Sebek was correct….all of you mudbloods are the same.” He says lowly enough for you to hear him.

Your glare disappears and you stare at him in shock. “W-what?…”

He averts his eyes in shame when he sees your reaction. The idea sounded better in his head than out loud. He just wanted to hurt your feelings so that you could feel what he felt when you ditched him all those times….he was so tired of being alone.

“F-fine then….” You say teary eyed. “I should‘ve known a pure-blood wizard like you wouldn’t be caught dead with the likes of me.”

“Child of man….wait-.” You ran off back to your own dorm. Leaving him there.

He gazes down at the ground. “What have I done…..they’ll never love me….”

#anime and manga #azul ashengrotto #disney twisted wonderland #disney #fypage #fyp2024 #idia shroud #kalim al asim #leona kingscholar #fypシ゚viral #vil schoenheit #riddle rosehearts #jamil viper #harry potter au #yana toboso #twst yuu #twst rp #twst x reader #malleus draconia #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #mobile games #fypfypfypfypfypfypdypfypfypfypfypfypfyfpfyfpfyp #fypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp #tumblr fyp #fyppage #my fanfiction

[ganondoodle]

I probably still wouldn’t have been a big fan of the game, but I don’t think I would have been NEARLY as upset about TotK if BotW didn’t seem like it was so obviously setting up plot points for a sequel. Like, you’re very clearly MEANT to wonder what malice is, and how Ganon became the Calamity instead of just the Demon King. Fi is awake again, where are they going either that? What’s the deal with the Triforce-shaped symbol on Zelda’s hand? There were a LOT of other things like that, and many of them had to do with overarching lore for the series.

I get it if they want to reboot the series, but “BotW 2” was the single worst game you could have done that with. It could have been an amazing conclusion to the original continuity.

EXACTLY, you, you get it

botw felt like the introduction to a vast world with secrets and hints to things that were planned to become a bigger thing- a big giant game as a big giant set up, and then ... like totk likes to do alot, it lacks a pay off, and that is something it even does within itself, cosntantly, set up and no pay off, or set up and the most boring and uninspired pay off you can really not even call that, from the bigger things like the whole dragon thing being hammered into your head as irreversible and then it IS reversible.. out of nowhere without you having to do fuck all, the whole thing with the ancient hero beign a big mystery with lots of interesting ideas attached and then its some weird ass dog creature that doesnt resemble any other race with, of course, sonau armor, bc there nothing that isnt sonau in that game, even finding the old treasure maps you can find that then lead to amiibo stuff from botw id call that

botw wasnt that great with rewards either but exploring the world and wondering about those, surely intentionally, placed mysterious and intriguing designs and places did alot for making it so interesting to think about, totk fumbles it all and even the new stuff doesnt even come close to that environmental storytelling botw was so great at, sonau ruins? ha they look entirely different than in botw actually, bc those were built by hylians you see, the actual sonau stuff is in prime condition considering the time thats passed and its all the same blank blocky blocks that serve no purpose but to be a place for you to find a thing or exchange some currency- the most you can think about it is ... that the sonau hollowed out the entire underground of hyrule, every inch of the map, ... which is WEIRD and doesnt exactly make them look that good but ... thats all there is

at least with the shiekah it made somewaht more sense and it felt much less .. invasive? and you didnt have anyone from that time to talk to, other than dead monks whos only purpose is to give you their last piece of their own spirit, but in totk ... raurus ghost and mineru too are both just there to talk to but DONT tell you shit but vague hints that were already clear, the sky islands used to be on the ground? oh you dont say, you see them there in the stupid memories! and dont get to know how they got up there and theres nothing that can clue you in to that, its just sonau magic yet again i guess

dont even get me started on the whole malice/miasma thing, it made so much SENSE that there was a source of it, someone that has keep kept in a horrible place just between life and death for thousands of years trying to break free by their hate and anger manifesting to such a degree its literally spilling out and building creppy eyeballs, mouths and ribcage like structures like they are trying to rebuild themsleves outside of their awful prison no one knows about is so damn compelling, but no, actually, the guy trapped there was the msot evilest evar, was sealed bc him evil and no other motive, and the previously mentioned stuff is pretty much utterly unceonnected, and his magic beign miasma with red instead of pink and no creepy body parts was the true version of it, that pink one was its own thing heehooo SHUT UP argh

it doesnt help that really, i dont feel like the sonau were set up either, they were a tiny part in botw, really only serving to make the world seem more ancient and more full of history, having ruins from a past civilization there you know nothing about and cant find out more is so good, its compelling and sad and makes the world feel more real, just shoving them into everything, being the center of attention all of thes udden and not even the architecure fitting feels so ... forced, i really truly believe the og sonau werent meant to be more than that, but in their fear of the game being too similarly looking like botw they took the sonau to replace the shiekah with them- imo the shiekah were the ones set up to be deeper explored in botw, with their whole misstreatment by the royal family in the past, monk miz kyoshia reacting the same way a yiga commander would was deliberate and brings up even more interesting ideas, the comments about where the mysterious energy the ancient shiekah used to power everything being concentrated in certain regions?? thats a big ass set up, the fact that the center of what is signaling everything to reactivate being below hyrule castle? the fact the whole arena thing was BUILT INTO THE CASTLE or it on top of it is so??? cool??? and sso damn intriguing, we are scratching the surface of their history- but then no, actually, the sonau are the cool new shit those other ones just uh ... disappear, also the sonau did everythign the shiekah did but even better wayy before them haha

its like they didnt want to tackle the more complicated stuff with the shiekah, their relationship to the royal family and how the yiga ... have a point and a good reason- so they replaced them with entirely new purely goodest good guys that did the same stuff before them with none of the history attached :))

this is why im so insistent on it not really being a sequel, thers no follow up on anything that was set up, NOTHING, and no, a couple having a kid now or whatever isnt a follow up on an interesting set up, how hard is it to understand that-

.... listen to me rambling, you probably know all that already nhjdfkbnkd

(i know i always bring up the shiekah but ... they were so central in botw, while also not taking up every single corner- unlike some other ones >_____>, with so much interesting stuff to connect and think about, i cared about them so much i felt kicked down the stairs by their treatment in totk)

#ganondoodles answers #ganondoodles rants #zelda #totk #totk critical #maybe its jsut me that feels so strongly about the unanswered stuff around the shiekah #but im #biting wood and clawing up the walls in my head

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲-𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄

𝟭. set SMART goals ( 📒 )

make sure your goals are specific, measurable, actionable, realistic and time-bound. this will help you maintain focus and track your progress over time. how many times has it been you and your unrealistic to-do list against the world? well, it seems that a mile-long to-do list is not a good ally at all. remember that you are a person and not a machine, and that just dedicating four hours to deep work and concentration is A LOT. be kind to yourself and don't overload yourself with more work than you can humanly do.

𝟮. daily planning ( 🧸 )

mea culpa because i'm the first one who doesn't plan their day. to-do lists generally stress me out and make me feel overwhelmed as if i don't manage to complete all the tasks an asteroid will end up hitting the earth. but i recognize that it is a good starting point. sometimes i have too many things to do and i end up doing nothing in total confusion, but having at least a general list to follow gives me more motivation. moreover do we want to talk about the dopamine released when you tick an empty box? marvelous. maybe don't write down tasks that are too onerous and demanding, break them into several smaller tasks, also try to write simple activities such as "drink a glass of water" every now and then. having these low-commitment activities will help you stay motivated while completing more important tasks.

𝟯. reverse-engineering method ( 🪴 )

start with the end goal and work backwards to plan the actions needed to achieve it. this helps you maintain clarity on the steps to take and focus on the most relevant actions. the best thing to do is plan based on the time available and do your best to stick to your daily goal.

𝟰. timer roulette ( ⏳ )

choose a task from your to-do list and set a random timer between 15 and 45 minutes. work on that task with all your concentration until the timer goes off. this helps you fight procastination and keep your mind fresh.

𝟱. mind mapping time ( 📍 )

before starting a study session, take a few minutes to create a mental map of the subject you need to cover. this helps you see connections between concepts and organize information more effectively.

𝟲. task batching ( 🫒 )

group similar tasks together and tackle them in batches. for example, reply to all emails in one session rather than doing so at scattered times throughout the day. this helps you reduce transition time between tasks and maintain focus. contrary to popular belief, human beings are not truly multitasking (only a few possess this great ability) and when we do multiple things together we do nothing but shift our attention from one task to another, greatly reducing the quality of our performance. if possible, try to avoid these switches that are harmful to your focus and concentration.

𝟳. the pomodoro method ( 🍅 )

okay, y'all probably already know this one because it became so popular in the last year but if you don't, the pomodoro method is a time management technique developed by francesco cirillo in the late 80s. it is based on the idea of working for short periods of time, usually 25 minutes, followed by a short 5 minute break. after four rounds of work, a longer break is taken, usually 15-30 minutes. this technique helps improve concentration and productivity, as it breaks down work into manageable tasks and offers regular breaks to rest and regenerate energy. i personally prefer the 50/10 ratio while i'm studying but you decide which time ratio is better for you, i find it really useful and it helps me a lot while i'm studying for my exams.

#college #education #school #academia #note taking #student #study aesthetic #study blog #study inspiration #study motivation #study notes #study space #study tips #student life #study community #studyblr #studyinspo #studyspo #uni student #academic validation #chaotic academia #light academia #dark academia #university life #university #uni life #time management #time management strategies #pomodoro method #productivity

[utilitycaster]

A less talked-about but no less interesting part of God Discourse I've noticed is that amongst the There Is Nuance Here crowd there's a weirdly pro-Betrayer God attitude; like there's examples of gods being bad right here (see: The Actual Devil in Literal Hell), but we're choosing to focus on Melora for some reason? Fascinating levels of dissonance here.

So here's the thing. I've found that this has also been an evolving position.

I think during EXU Calamity, the main argument was pro-Betrayer God. Some was that Asmodeus was in fact played masterfully; Zerxus, after all, fell for it. The rest seemed to be to me the usual dull "but I wanted it to be subversive" argument, upon which the motivations of that desire I can only speculate (and such speculation, while entertaining, is not productive). I would argue, Calamity was not lacking in subversion, notably with the portrayal of Vespin Chloras and the fact that this was ultimately an immensely hopeful, if also deeply tragic story of an averted annihilation.

I think currently? It's the Wild West, at best. I don't have much to add other than what I've said already, and unfortunately it does require either familiarity with the posts I'm thinking about or me doing something as tacky as publicly posting screenshots to get the full context. Suffice it to say I've rarely seen such unformed and unsupported arguments. They are phrased in apery of a coherent argument, but, crucially, lacking the evidence.

Getting back to your point I think the focus is more on the Prime Deities because those are the gods whom past characters (and FCG) were affiliated with. I honestly don't think most of them have the lore knowledge to recall deities who have not come up as directly in game; they're focusing on Melora because they know who she is. Possibly because she was Bor'Dor's deity; possibly because she was the deity who reached out to Orym and was insufficiently clear in her communication to Fearne to satisfy them (and yet we stan Liliana, queen of clear responses, amirite?); possibly because it's edgily rewarding to them to fantasize about upending and destroying Caduceus, Fjord, and Fy'ra Rai's lives. Similar arguments can be made for Pelor and the Raven Queen; one can point to the genuine harm mortals have done in Pelor's name and the fact that the Raven Queen collected on a deal, willingly made, from Vax, and you get to weakly and cringingly tell yourself you are dunking on people who like Vax, or Vex, or Morrighan. It is interesting to me that people are not focusing more on Lolth given her appearance and the fact that Opal's choice, while technically willing, was much more manipulated than anything the Raven Queen has every done. Lolth behaves in canon as idiots believe the Raven Queen to have done in fanon. I've found a significant number of the arguments against the gods rely on a profound misattribution or at best deliberate avoidance of what is voluntary vs. what is coercive or done without consent (eg: comparisons between Judicators and Ruidusborn).

Basically: they bring in the Betrayers when it's convenient for the argument and cherrypick around them when it's not; they do the same with the Primes. There's just a lot more to pick from with the Primes.

#answered #siravia #cr tag

[luna-rainbow]

No offense but I think maybe people are overstating the influence Bucky had especially on Steve's desire to join the army. Maybe he was influenced by his father Joseph even though he never met him more? Like he didn't just want to join the army he wanted to join the 107th because originally that was the division his father was in. Bucky joined but Steve wanted to join even before that because of his father. Kind of like Luke Skywalker wanting to go off in adventures because of the image of his father.

I normally take these asks in good faith but do you know how passive-aggressive it is to start a conversation with “no offence but”? Because not only are you aware you’re about to cause offense you’re also intending to.

Canon doesn’t give us a lot to go on in terms of Steve’s inner thoughts about joining the army. The interpretation that Joseph was the inspiration is perfectly valid. As is the interpretation that Bucky’s draft was the motivation. And I’m not sure why they have to be mutually exclusive?

I will say though, because the MCU was very thin on details for Steve’s parents, many fanfic writers turned to the comic books for inspiration. The 616 iteration of Joseph, an alcoholic (likely from untreated PTSD) who subjected Sarah and Steve to abuse, is likely the reason many fans don’t lean into him being an inspirational figure for Steve.

The Cap fandom is big and diverse, and all kinds of headcanons exist. All I can say is you need to curate your experience better if seeing Steve-Bucky centric headcanons bothers you this much.

#steve rogers #asks #sorry i’m cranky but ive had a run of these weird asks #no one is asking you to ship steve bucky so leave the shippers to their own devices

[unsoundedcomic]

Hi, I want to make comics like you do but I keep having trouble, it's the energy, not the complexity. The strain. What do you do when you don't feel like drawing or when you have something better to do? How do you focus? It's my dream to do this for a living.

If you don't have the energy and focus - every day, self-motivated - you can't do comics for a living. All I can say is maybe investigate and see if there's a chemical ADHD issue that can be medicated. If it's not that, then this isn't the career for you. There are lots of other ways to do storytelling and art though, don't despair.

[starsreminisce]

who do you think could be Elain's potential friends in the future books?

Hard to say because that's a part of SJM's writing where literally anything can happen, but my theory is that since this story is going to take a lot of pages from ACOMAF, there is a chance that we'd see other characters play similar roles as the Inner Circle did for Feyre while Elain processes her mating bond with Lucien.

Mor, I feel strongly, will play a huge part in it. Azriel has Great Gatsby'd her for 500 years, and we see that he was about to shift that focus to Elain. She's always been protective of Elain, and we do see her earnestly try to be friends with Feyre's sisters (say what you want about ACOSF, but at the end of the day, Mor was the one who taught Cassian how to dance to surprise Nesta, and Mor brought Nesta to Emerie no questions after her fight with Cassian and convinced Gwyn to leave the library so she could be there as well). I like to think that Elain will stand up for herself to Azriel after how he has coddled her, and that it'll spark something in Mor to finally speak up as well. Mor has shown to be very perceptive of Azriel's moods and acts with that in mind, so I would hope that seeing Elain would prompt her to do the same. Since Mor has been an Elucien shipper since day one by bringing Lucien to the townhouse, I think there will be a lot of self-reflection these two can offer each other. Mor helped Feyre recognize that being Rhys's mate wasn't that bad, and I can see her asking the same of Elain about Lucien.

Vassa would likely play the role of Amren. I mean, both of them turned into something else that acts as a trump card with a promise of being turned back, and they both exhibit a take-no-crap attitude that offers self-confidence while exhibiting tough love. Amren's motives have been pulled back, leading people to theorize that she's the betrayer, and I see Vassa doing the same thing.

Jurian will play the role of Azriel, where a lot of his history and background is kept vague but traumatic, serving as a basis for his character with a unique sort of relationship with Mor while he looks at a female longingly but doesn't want to make a move until he's sure it'll happen. Feyre had always shown some sort of apprehensiveness towards Azriel. Honestly, considering how much Feyre thought about Azriel's hands, I wonder if Elain would keep wondering how Jurian lived all those centuries as an eye.

Tamlin, funny enough, will play the role of Cassian, but their dynamic would be switched up. Cassian helped Feyre process a lot of her feelings through action, and I think Elain would be instrumental in bringing Tamlin back to the High Lord he was. Elain possesses understanding, and she has benefited the most from Tamlin's generosity when he took Feyre away, so I hope she can bring that perspective to him, especially when Tamlin shows he reveres humans and Papa Archie is a testament to that resilience. I also think that we will see more insight into his parents' bond and offer reflection for Elain, since theirs was also considered ill-matched.

Eris would probably act more like Tarquin, and Elain can see what Eris is trying to do for the sake of his court. Nuan can be like Cresseida if she and Lucien are as close as they are.

And, though not strictly ACOMAF, I do see a mirroring of Elain getting closer to Helion and LoA as Lucien did to Papa Archeron. Helion could provide Elain with insight into how a rejected male feels, bringing an understanding of what Lucien will go through if she were to reject the bond, as LoA on how she navigates through it.

That's my initial thoughts, but like I said, friendships are important to SJM's characters. Emerie was introduced in ACOSAF, and Gwyn a book later, so we might get some fresh characters as well.

#elucien #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #morrigan acotar #pro morrigan #asks

[canisalbus]

I'm sure you get loads of these but heck I said I'd give it a shot anyway!

Your artwork is so inspiring and beautiful. I recently graduated from art school with a degree in Animation Production but I've decided I'd love to be an illustrator some day. Your work really motivates me and gets my brain juice buzzin. Keep it up!!!

.

#oh thank you! I'm glad you did! #first off as a general rule I think it's always okay to message any individual independent artist/creator #and tell them that you like their work #you may think they probably get lots of positive feedback and such and another one doesn't matter #but I would bet money that the actual amount is almost always smaller than you'd think #so every kind comment has the potential to cheer them up and inspire them #and motivate them to continue creating and posting their work online for people to see #messages like that can linger at the back of your mind for ages #I regularly think back to the nice things people have said about my art over the years #especially when I'm struggling with art block and feel like what I make isn't worth anything and that I'm bad and my stuff is bad #this got a little long winded and I'm probably preaching to the choir #but what I wanted to say is don't be afraid to let creatives know if you like their work it's always appreciated #I'm flattered to hear my dog doodles motivate and inspire you! #animation and illustration are both good choices imo #I wish you all the best on whatever you end up doing #answered #starfruitwyne

[ot3]

this flavor of trans guy misogyny where they do rhetorical backflips to explain why them not caring about women is good, actually, and since cis men are also misogynists a lot of the time we should all just stop complaining about it.

#'no one bats an eye when-' #actually yes plenty of women but particularly black women and lesbians have a lot to say about the specific brand of misogyny #that you get from cis gay men. only no one listens to women who talk about misogyny. is the thing. s o. #IM LITERALLY NOT EVEN SAYING PEOPLE NEED TO PUT FEMALE CHARACTERS IN SHIT #IM JUST SAYING IF THEYRE GONNA BE THERE IT SUCKS WHEN THEY'RE ONLY THERE TO BE PLOT MOTIVATORS FOR MEN!!!! NO ONE GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU DO! #like if you're a trans guy and you have a complicated relationship to womanhood and don't want to spend a bunch of time #in the headspace of female characters. i get that. i can understand that. i can sympathize. #but if ur response to seeing someone complain about misogyny is 'why should i have to care about female characters' then ur just an asshole #theres a time and a place to talk about the Unique and Woke Way That You Personally Dislike Women and it's not on my fucking posts!!!!

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[lesbiradshaw]

once again thinking about how so much of s6 liam and theo’s relationship is about theo choosing to do the dirty work so liam doesn’t have to. he went from trying to harness liam’s anger for his own gain to trying to help him get it under control— and even in triggers when he does intentionally piss liam off so they can fight to cause a distraction, he keeps liam from killing nolan right after. he tries to comfort liam (in his own Extremely Emotionally Stunted way) during the car ride home by pointing out how hard he tried to avoid hurting him. he does it again in the locker room, telling liam he’s making progress by not killing gabe— right before stepping forward and smashing gabe’s face right back into that mirror for himself to get the information they need. theo throws himself at the ghost riders as bait because he knows liam, despite his harsh promises, is too good of a person to do it himself. he pulls liam into the sheriff station bathroom and reality checks him about saving his friends and himself (also in the most Emotionally Stunted way possible) because he knows liam is sometimes blinded by his own idealism. he pushes liam ahead of him at the hospital and takes bullets meant for them both.

for someone who claims to relish in his own selfishness, theo time and time again shows that he’d rather get blood on his hands as long as it keeps liam from having to get it on himself.

#yes s6 theo is still mean. he can be cruel and manipulative but also he plays that up as a mask in situations where when you look at his #motives it becomes pretty clear he’s doing/saying shit because he really does care #about LIAM even ​if not about ‘the greater good’ #its rotten work! not to me! not if its you! #theo doing the rotten work so liam wont have to be corrupted the same way he was ooooooh let me write that down #obviously liam is still traumatized and haunted by a lot of what happens to him bc it’s inevitable #but when theo is with him … idk theo tends to take on the bloodier tasks. intentionally. #hes not trying to preserve liams innocence or whatever because frankly i think naïveté frustrates him #but he’s trying to preserve liams goodness. maybe it makes him feel like he can rekindle some of his own. #him trying to make liam see the world for what it is while also wanting him to avoid the worst parts of it so he doesnt end up like theo #oh i feel faint #anyways #enjoy another analysis no one asked for #thiam #carolcore

[pallanophblargh]

I think part of me expected this burnout would last a long time, but it’s drawing close to a year now. I have a strong reason to suspect medications are prolonging it. Granted: I have no intention of stopping medication, but I suspect I may need to make some changes. It’s been nice not to feel burning rage/crippling despair/panic most of the time, but I also miss being able to actually... act on things! Start things! Feel some semblance of motivation, as fleeting as it is. Mostly my reaction to prompts of any kind are “nah, don’t wanna” or “so what?” which isn’t terribly conducive to anything more than day to day life. (Y’all, I can’t even reliably plan my vacation and that’s pretty terrible.)

I’m saying this in part as a sort of explanation as to why I’ve been so slow to respond to anything, or post any art, or even re-open commissions this past year. I just... generally can’t make myself do anything that isn’t a part of my daily maintenance routine. Knowing that making art (even personal art) takes 3x times as long to complete is a standout reason I’ve been refusing to reopen commissions especially, since I’d be unwilling to make clients wait more than a few months for even something as simple as a sketch. People were patient enough with “Old Me,” I don’t think most would hold out for “New Me.”

Thankfully I’m speaking to my doctor tomorrow regarding my experiences on the current medication, and maybe I can find something that works a little better. I feel like I’ve been pretty fortunate so far, all things considered, and my side effects have been fairly mild. (Though I have suspicions it’s also thinning out my hair something fierce... probably time for supplements for that issue!)

Hopefully I’ll figure it out sooner rather than later? Either way, I’m learning to accept things as they are these days. 

#April rambles #text post #mental health #medication #I know I'm one of the lucky ones but I'm still not discounting my aggravations #like yeah I'd like to think I should be capable of motivation #but at what cost? #and I never thought I'd care so much about hair loss but yikes I never had a lot of hair to begin with #wanting to cry anytime I see someone with a full head of thick hair #guess I'm kinda shallow after all lol #I have some beef regarding my other issues and suspicions but whatever #I can deal with them later #but I still find it hard to believe I've been assigned Just Anxiety instead of low grade well masked ADHD #Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever #I'm a pleasant zombie for the most part are you happy? #I can't be arsed to do really anything are you sure that's just anxiety? #I'm literally masquerading as an apathetic potato most of the time now with meds so yeah ok sure? #we'll get there someday I hope #shit count my blessings it could be so much worse

[scintillyyy]

when it's written that way because it's a patented chuck dixon -ism but it unintentionally creates a really interesting potential narrative for the character-

#still thinking of steph and class and knowing that dixon made her lower middle class on account of he's a classist #but how placing her in that nebulous position of between the have and the have nots #where they're too poor for comfort or stability and too rich for benefits #lends a lot to steph's anger at her situation #her desire to fit it and move up and separate herself from her origins #her showcase '95 story where she has a veneration of what she feels must be the comfort of the true middle class #and her veneration of her coach who she insists can't be anything like her mom #her anger and shame at her mom coming to her gymnastics meet because she doesn't like seeing that part of her life #interact with the better life she's trying to carve for herself #her activities as spoiler being so linked to her desire to throw away the legacy her father left her #that for everyone to say she's not good enough or shouldn't do it is for them to say #you are already where you belong and that thought terrifies her #a steph who grew up hearing sarcastic remarks about those welfare recipients who can afford nicer food than them #while her mom works and gets no help and and struggles for it #a steph who internalizes that no one is going to help her and if she wants it she has to work for and take it #which leads to some bitterness when she sees everyone else such as tim and cass receive the help and support she's always denied #but also only motivates her to keep going harder. if no one will help you you have to help yourself. #what ugly biases might she potentially have as a result of this upbringing #it's like i hate it it's such a conservative story of bootstraps #but i love it because gives such potentially interesting things to play with in steph's arc

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

i was raised to be very polite and whatever and i get it. i like to be nice to people. but the whole "good morning! how was your day" and small talk stuff is just. unnecessary. i would find talking to people much more pleasant if we could initiate conversations with cool facts or interesting topics. i want to discuss interesting things not exchange niceties that everyone lies about anyway. i mean, if someone says 'how's it going' you have to say 'good' or whatever but you can't say 'life sucks can we move on from this?' it's silly to me. what i really love is when i meet someone and they have absolutely no filter. like yessss tell me your whole life story right now i need to know. it is much more interesting than the weather (though the weather is a good subject sometimes but i may just think so bc where i live has a tendency for wild weather. when it's good it's boring but starting a conversation with 'yeah i got locked out of the buildings when they auto-locked during the windstorm and had to grab a bench bc the pressure was enough to knock me over and the locks on the doors were constantly turning on and off so i had to figure out how to open the doors when i could sneak inside so that i didn't abandon other people to the brutal winds' like. that's fine. i like that but normal weather talk is boring)

#idk small talk is just boring imo #obviously i try to make it more interesting but people won't take that initiative and never expect it when i do it #i have a hard time reading people and understanding their motivations #it's probably one of the reasons i wanted to go into the psych field bc i want to learn how to #but when people will just straight-up tell me everything about them i'm happy bc that's much easier to understand #i get to form a whole mental file on them and fill it out #idk if i overshare i've been told that i either overshare or say absolutely nothing which makes sense #i have a tendency to switch between subdued and loud. i try to keep them separate though bc it's weird when people get to see both ends #i have to convince myself to be loud in certain places when i first go there or else i'll never talk at all #i usually get like one class a semester where i can talk and the rest are for listening #so a lot of people think i'm shy or whatever but no. you're just seeing me when i cannot speak it's not shyness #i think sign would be beneficial and i really need to get on that but no-one else knows sign :( #i've gotten off-topic but that's okay because my brain is beautiful and you all want to hear my every thought

[siena-sevenwits]

:-)

#I've spent the past week organizing in the play's wake - sorting and laundering huge numbers of costumes #some to return to those they belong to and some to come home to my costume storage room which had become chaotic over the last few #months #so a complete spring cleaning for the storage room became part of my task list too. Now the play's been over for a week #and the emails are starting to come in from admin about next year. As some of you know I did a lot of discernment this semester #about what next year should look like and I have decided a mix of continuity is best. I won't be working for my 'main' schoolboard anymore #but I will continue to teach and direct for the one program in the city (the one I did the play for) and possibly with a new home school #enrichment program that may go ahead this year if there are sufficient numbers. Otherwise I am going to spend a semester #tutoring and running workshops f I can get it off the ground. Then we'll see. #Anyway - admin wants me to get new syllabi in to them within a month's time so my thoughts are all in that direction! #I get to teach 19th/20th century Canadian history to the middle schoolers and Late Antique/Medieval Church History to the high schoolers! #Also direct another play and do a humanities course centred around an epic in the spring (the last couple of years we've done Iliad and #Odyssey - they want Aeneid this year but I am trying to talk them into another option. The Aeneid is valuable but I am not sure it's the #time or place with this group of students. The result of all this is that I am spending far too much time doing Internet research for ideas #and then taking breaks on tumblr - which isn't good for my eyes or mental health. What with the play and end of term #I fear I've been out of the reading habit. I'm still hyperfixating on the Book of Romans so there's that at least #but I lost the novel I was in the middle of and am not feeling so motivating with out books. It's a proper reading slump! I need a kickstar #of sorts. Feel free to yell at me that I should pick up a book!