#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[havocccd]

✎⌠china anne mcclain. cis female. she/her⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only sasha lane. though, around here they’re known as the explosive. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the twenty two year old wallys gas bar and convenience store worker kinda has a reputation of being short tempered and turbulent. but y’know, they can be determined and unfailing too. typical aries. anyways, welcome home and stay safe sasha ! ❞ ↷ g. 23. she/her. aest.

H-HEWWO PART TWO. it is i . . g . . back with a wildly different character from sid. this is SATANIC SASHA !!!

tws for violence, neglect, abuse, parental issues (they’re all just Vaguely mentioned!!)

inspiration for sasha: clementine from the walking dead game, jessica jones from Jessica jones, faith from buffy the vampire slayer, camille preaker from sharp objects. Basically any unhinged female character u have watched Murder a Man and kinda gone ‘huh . . good for her’

how do I describe sasha ?? she is .. a Feral Beast

she has so many anger issues and hate towards the world that she is so unforgiving and blunt and borderline Cruel to people

believes that the whole world is against her

has a very short temper and is not Afraid to show it

will fuck ur boyfriend/girlfriend if u piss her off, or even fuck ur dad/mum to break up ur parents marriage just bc she can !

has no morals

gets into punch-ons basically 3000x a week and is well known by the police by now

she grew up in a trailer park just outside of misty hollow, and basically . . it was a lot of neglect and parental abuse and mistreatment. growing up, she was literal ‘trailer trash’ and looked down on by a lot of ppl in misty hollow. it turned her very cruel and indifferent towards people except .. her twin brother ( eugene. u will see him soon hehe)

her twin and her basically show how Differently two ppl can grow from the exact same environment – sasha turned vengeful and angry, and her brother did the exact opposite – he became really nice and Good

they were raised by their mother, primarily, and her mother was . Not Good. she definitely hated sasha, and often told her. she saw something ugly and dangerous in sasha at a very young age , and was convinced the Devil lived inside of her (she wasn’t entirely wrong)

besides all of her faults, sasha is actually really really fiercely loyal to people she does like. she will kill people for the people she loves.

she doesn’t have any real ambition or drive, she knows shes going to be stuck in misty hollow forever . her parents are long long gone now, so now its just sasha and her twin in their crappy apartment they can barely afford

she works over at wallys gas bar, and tbh she likes working there bc wally has always been nice to her and understanding of her crappy little life

with the murders starting up again now , sasha is a little on -edge. She has a really really bad feeling about things, and can’t help but feel like it’s only inevitable before smth happens to her, her twin, or someone she loves.

she’s also slightly suspicious about her dropkick father, who left their mother apparently, just when the first round of murders happened. she saw him in town (she '’’believes’’’ but also .. she’s a bit unhinged so do we believe h er ?? probably not) just recently, and is kinda paranoid thinking that the murderer could be him (she doesn’t really have any proof, but sasha just kinda always feels like Everything That Goes Wrong is Inherently Her Fault bc that’s what her mother taught her)

SOME PLOTS / CONNECTIONS FOR HER

messy girl friends: two chaotic bitches causing ruination and despair . they have been best friends since they were younger. Two pea’s of the same pod, some might call them. They’ve always ALWAYS had each others backs, and u rarely see one without the other!

A taboo “Relationship” : taboo-ish. These two have been Seeing Each other for a little while (its strictly sex, NO FEELINGS INVOLVED , or at least . . not on sasha’s side). they’ve kept it very lowkey and hidden. why? Maybe ur character is a lot older then sasha. Maybe they’re Married or smth messy, idk, sasha is a Messy bitch I hate her sometimes

Love / hate: these two annoy the hell out of each other, but they also hang out all the time ? they act like they hate each other but like. they’re very low key friends. They like pissing one another off, bc it’s fun and Entertaining

A softie : somebody who actually sasha is a lil soft for. somebody who brings up her non-feral side, and reminds her that she is just a Girl, not something rigged to explode and ruin everything

A squad : sasha hates a lot of ppl so I’d like her to have some people she parties with and can be a Youngin’ with u know ? a lil crew of neighbourhood kids around the same age as sasha. they all grew up together . all party together. all Understand Each Other to some Degree.

A sister / mother figure : sasha is deeply lacking in these in her life. maybe somebody who’s a GOOD INFLUENCE on her and loves her and teaches her love in return ??? we love positive female relationships !!

f-buddies: a lot of them. Sasha is a hoe and we don’t slut shame in 2020 !!! let her sleep around if she wants to ! she’ll sleep with anyone and everyone , yee haw !

#INTRO → sasha l. #misty.intro #im excited part 300000 i never shut up !!! sorry if u all hate me already !! #i dont blame u !!! #anyways pls im so open to all plots n ideas i just have some listed for Just In Case!!!