#as well as the voice acting!!! it’s truly a work of art and I promise I’m not exaggerating

[nerdystarlightlove]

pov: I have just experienced something that changed my life forever (I just watched Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio)

#everyone needs to go watch this movie and I cannot stress that enough #it is so so so good and it is so easily the best adaptation of the story #Disney wishes they could’ve made it this good #easily one of the best films I have ever seen EVER and it ranks very highly on my list of favorites #and that’s not even mentioning the animation and music #as well as the voice acting!!! it’s truly a work of art and I promise I’m not exaggerating #genuinely made me cry quite a bit #I feel like if you loved The Little Prince you will also love this #it should also be noted that it’s much more faithful to the original story than other adaptations have been! #and it has a different setting that works excellently #guillermo del toro’s pinocchio #pinocchio

[crescencestudio]

2023: A Year of Connection

Hi everyone!

As I told you last month, this month's "devlog" will be more like an end-of-year recap. For those of you who have known me a while, you'll know that I get ~in my feels~ and Very Nostalgic at the end of the year. And this year is no exception to that.

Looking back on this year, I realize I did much more than I thought I did. The year was filled with so many waves of uncertainty, burnout, and ruts, that I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything in the moment. Now that the year has actually wrapped up, I can see that was Once Again my imposter syndrome whispering words of sweet nothings into my ears.

In fact, this year, I find that I did Way More than what I did last year. Crazy, considering how busy I remember 2022 being. Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Writing

If there is one thing this bitch did, it's fucking write LFMASODIJ. For all my complaining this year of routes taking too long, getting creative ruts, etc., I still wrote (what I consider) a Very Good amount. While I may not have hit my writing goals that I had set out, I still ended up writing around 255k words in total this year. Most of this being for Alaris, and some of it being for my dissertation (LOL) and other side games, like Intertwine and Jam Games.

This number also doesn't include deleted passages, edited passages, etc., so the amount I've spent writing, reviewing, etc. was Significant this year. Here's to hoping that momentum continues into next year and finishing the rest of Alaris!

Side Games

Something completely unexpected, but that I'll forever be grateful for, was my decision(s) to join game jams this year. It all started with Otojam, a visual novel jam I'd wanted to join for a WHILE.

Intertwine was, without a doubt, one of my most memorable moments from this year. The friends I made/grew closer to during that jam. The people I connected with because of Intertwine. The people I got to work with. Everything about the experience surpassed my expectations, and Van and Summer 2023 will always hold a very special place in my heart because of it. Thank you to everyone who enjoyed that game. It was my first full game I ever released, and I couldn't have been more nervous about it (no literally. I wasn't sleeping and I was nauseous for a week before release).

Knowing there was no "revision" afterwards that I could hide behind or promise that there would be a "better"/"enhanced" version made the release terrifying. But the reception you all gave to it and support from so many friends made me feel so connected and grateful for the community.

The other three side projects were... well, Unexpected. LOL. Before these jams, I'd never wanted to work in team settings, mostly because I have Mad Imposter Syndrome, and I've always imagined I'd be dead weight in any given game dev team. My skills on writing, art, and/or coding alone aren't "exemplary" enough for me to think I, well, deserve to be on a team. But when a couple of short jams were being held by a friend, and teams were being made filled with other friends, I thought maybe I could help, even if it's just to QA/playtest. But I've walked away from each of these experiences learning so much from other talented people and with very dear friends.

Each of these side games truly tested my chops in terms of writing, narrative design, and coding. But I'm glad I challenged myself to take part in each of these experiences because I've walked away with so much more than I would've expected.

Alaris

My Heart. My Soul. And at times, My Worst Enemy.

As much as I may have talked about how I Wasn't making progress on this baby. I, in fact, made A LOT of progress:

Art: 15 CGs, Updated Sprites, Kickstarter Artwork

Commissions: 20 BGs, Complete GUI, Personality/Affection Indicators, Editing, Voice Acted Lines, Complete OST (8 Tracks!)

Writing: Three Finished Routes

Shipped Kickstarter Merchandise

I'm going to be Real with you all. I'm not in the mood to recap everything for Alaris in the way I did with everything else LAFKMSDFOIJWOEI. Main reason being, I do that Every Month, and at this point, I would feel like I'm repeating myself for no reason. But let me tell you, when the Enhanced Demo comes out, you will see what I'm talking about with progress made. And I'm excited for the next year when I start getting to show things off (read: Demo Release and Route Beta Releases) now that assets have really come together ^^

I will say, thank you for sticking with this project for so long. It's easy to get bogged down in development when a project like this is as big as it is. It's just as easy to think that no one will care about this by the time I release, or people will start losing their patience with me as development goes on. So I'm forever grateful for how kind, supportive, and patient you all are, especially this year <3

Connections: The True Theme of 2023

If you've made it this far, I'm extremely impressed with you. And to reward you, I'll give you a moment of honesty and vulnerability which, to be frank, I Don't Do as a person and especially with my dev persona LMFAOO ((Before I do, let it be known, CW: mention of death, grief, alcoholism, chronic illness, suicidal thoughts))

Something I don't talk about much is that for all of 2022 and most of 2023, I was not in a good place mentally. At the beginning of 2022, I lost three very important people in my life back-to-back (I'm not exaggerating when I say back-to-back it was within 2 weeks, three separate deaths lol). That, on its own, was hard to deal with. But on top of that, I soon found myself having to cope/help with a family member's chronic illness and another family member's mental health (read: alcoholism, suicidality).

While this isn't a particularly unique situation, it was one that I found myself struggling with pretty severely on top of a pretty demanding work life. And it was a situation I found myself in until about midway through this year. Things have lightened up. I navigate a new life with some pretty severe triggers, and without the presence of some of my most loved ones. But overall, I at least feel like I can breathe and function, which is a state I didn't feel like I could exist in for over a year (and started to believe I may never exist in again).

Because of this new room in my life, I was able to connect with people again, in a more genuine way. I've grown closer to a lot of dev friends, to the point I consider some of them genuine close friends. And IRL, I've been able to reconnect with some of my dearest loved ones. The main reason I bring all of this up is because this year, I felt unbelievably connected to people, whether that was dev friends in the community, people who support my games, and IRL people.

And sometimes, when you interact with people solely online, it's easy to think they don't care as much about you as you do for them. But this has been disproven to me time and time again this year. And I've found myself in a state of appreciation for so many of the people I've been blessed to meet and befriend <3 I felt this especially so during some of the game jams, with the Secret Santa gift exchange, and with my recent Holiday Tree.

So thank you for everyone who has let me take up some space in their life. You literally Do Not Know how much it means to me and impacts me. This year, while I started it in a state of slightly hopelessness and numbness, I find myself ending it with gratitude and connection.

I hope the rest of this year (the very few couple of days we have left LOL) treats everyone well. I'm excited for how we get to start 2024 and what we'll get to experience together <3 Thank you again for the memories and support, love you all very dearly ^^

#crescence cries

[stuffymcstuffsworld]

Performance

Performing was an art. One that requires passion and ambition. To truly give your audience a great show, you must be willing to offer your soul. For a stiff character has no place amoung the stories you wish to tell.

Something was wrong. Class 1-C was having difficulty and needed more time to prepare. They had worked very hard, and you knew that they didn't deserve to get a bad score for the props taking longer to set up.

You quickly whisper into Dali-Sans ear before he can announce them. "They need more time something went wrong." He nodded and flashed a smile to the audience. "We're in for a special treat, it seems, this year! Our own staff will be giving a small performance as well this year!"

You frowned. What in hell was he thinking? "My lovely friend here will be entertaining you for a short while as we help set up for the next act!" He handed you the mic and rushed off. Oh, you were going to kill him later for this.

But not before you got your own fun out of it. "Kalego-San, didn't you promise to assist me?" You smiled as Poro-Chan gasped. You knew he couldn't resist a show with Kalego in it. It guaranteed his distraction.

Kalego narrowed his eyes as he was set down and placed before the stage. Before he could say anything negative or deny, you started. "Oh foolish man of whom pride lays claim to, your arrogance may be your very undoing."

Pointing a finger at his accusingly as you watched him now make his way on stage storming up to you. "How time hath changed you. For you are not the one that I knew so long ago." You sighed.

He glared at you before speaking his voice carrying without assistance. "You are also not the one I so fondly remember or have you forgotten? You whose soul is now filled with envy." His smug smirk rising as a challenge.

Fine then. You tossed the mic backstage, knowing someone had caught it. "Fondly, he says." You scoffed mockingly. Both of you started circling each other in intimidating manors.

"When have you ever thought fondly of me?" He advanced forward, and you let him grasp your chin. "There are many things I do it seems that escape your notice." He pretended to examine you before letting go.

"How dare you! If I do not notice, it is because you neither show nor say anything!" You hissed, turning your back to him.

"Must I say anything? Must I show you? Why must I constantly remind you of such?" He questioned as he leaned over your shoulder seductively. "I pity the soul who lives with your affections." You brushed him away and moved back to your original starting point.

"Do you not wish a life with me?" He asked rather softly. You paused, glancing back. "Do not be foolish." You stated firmly. "Time and time again I have remained by your side have I not? Or has your swelling ego allowed you to forget?"

Crossing your arms, you turned away again. He laughed bitterly. "And you claim to pity any soul stuck with me. I'd hate to see the sap trapped in what you call love." You winced clutching your heart.

"Do not speak to me of such things!" You snapped, spinning to face him. "My love is as vast and as endless as the sea. My love amounts more than the stars in the heavens! My love shall remain eternal through summer, winter, spring, and fall!"

You glared at him, eye to eye chest to chest. "How could you of whom I care for so much not know?" You asked. Waiting for a response. He did not answer. Instead, he turned his head away from you.

"Then maybe we did not know each other at all." You stepped back and turned to leave. You felt him grasp your wrist. "I know that you drive me insane." His voice is calm yet held a depth you couldn't understand.

"I know each day I wake up and start worrying about all the trouble you will cause me." You continued to stare ahead, not looking back. "I know that you love so fiercely that time seems to halt just so that you can produce more of your inane affections."

You peered back at him. Somehow, you knew that the two of you weren't playing anymore. "You say that as if you love me." The room was quiet. As if you were the only two inside.

"I- I love you so much that words could not describe and actions can not convey how I feel to you." He swallowed, looking at you painfully. Embarrassment crossing his features.

You turned to fully face him now. "You are arrogant and cocksure." You said, and he winced, releasing his hold on you. You took the chance to grab his tie and pull him closer.

"You hate showing weakness, so you pretend to not care because you were taught that caring is weakness." Now you were nose to nose. You could see the fear and hope clashing in his eyes.

"Someone so prideful yet secretly kind as you. You should not have given your love to someone as greedy as me." You leaned in and brushed your lips together briefly. Pulling back, you smiled. "I plan on keeping your love all for myself."

Kalego only stared at you in silent shock. For a moment, you thought you went too far. Maybe you had misunderstood or read the signals wrong.

"If you're going to love me, love me properly." He scolded. You blinked. What did he mean by that? He grasped you close and pressed his lips hungrily to your own. Oh! Oh, he meant that.

You sigh, relaxing into his hold. Both of you were startled by the loud cheers and applause from the audience. Kalego swore under his breath before dragging you backstage to hide his embarrassed face in your shoulder.

#mairimashita! iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun #reader #kalego sensei #naberius kalego #dantalion #kalego x reader #poro

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Vil, Jade: Wanting to Shine

Schoenheit mama lore 👁️ Mmm, somehow TWST keeps managing to impress me with just how diverse its families are. There are characters with bad relationships with their guardians, characters with good relationships with their guardians, and then… non-existent relationships altogether. Ruggie is one such example (since his mom died before he had the chance to know her), and now we have Vil as well… I wonder why he feels so impersonal toward his mother?? 🤔I hope we can find out more details someday.

Aaanyway, sorry that this is so late, I got super busy with irl things 😅 but happy belated birthday, Vil!! (xbjsvsjwnz Right as Ruggie’s Broomquet art was revealed too lol) ***WARNING: spoilers for episode 6 of the main story!!***

A Boy in Bloom, and his Flowering Future.

“What would you like to do this next year?”

Jade glanced up from his clipboard. “If the answer is to come from someone as tenacious as yourself, Vil-san… Your goals must be ambitious indeed.”

“Ara, is that so? Sharp, aren’t you?” Vil tucked a finger under his chin. “You would be correct in your assumption.”

“You’re but 18 years of age, and one age my senior—yet you’ve already accomplished a great many things, much of which the common man can only dream of. “Modeling for the top fashion brands, playing the lead roles in a number of feature films… Many, many accolades,” Jade chuckled, his voice dropping to a gentle purr. “What more do you hope to do?”

“My, you’ve got quite the grasp on my resume.” Vil’s brows pinched slightly. “However, you misunderstand one key point.”

“Oya? And what might that be?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Vil laughed, tipping his head back with a smirk. “This is nowhere near the pinnacle of my career. No—there is much more that I will achieve.

“For starters, I wish to expand the scope of my presence on set. I’ve dabbled in directing and producing my own modest works through my Film Research Club, but there is still much more for me to learn. Before I graduate, I would like to leave my mark in that area.”

His lips pulled into a smile—small but proud and genuine. “At present, we are working on a short film. The plan is to submit it to a contest and to take home the grand prize.

“Everyone is putting forth their best effort to make that dream into reality." Vil's deep-set amethyst eyes twinkled with fire. "Life makes no promises, so we must seize our stories and write our own fates."

"Spoken like a true leader--how commendable. We underclassmen truly have a wonderful senpai to look up to."

Vil allowed his broom to lean into the crook of an elbow. "I'm no stranger to compliments, but I shudder to hear it coming from you. It's far more benign coming from Rook or Ortho."

"Ah, that reminds me. Ortho-san recently joined the Film Research Club, yes? How does he fare under your tutelage?"

“Need you even ask? Of course I've welcomed him with open arms. He is proving himself to be an excellent asset for our productions. There are many things that only Ortho is capable of doing, from special effects and audio to getting clear aerial shots.

"His acting has also improved considerably. A bit clumsy at first, but with time and observation he has quickly learned. It's impressive just how much Ortho's 'heart' comes through in his performances."

"Oya, such high praise. Idia-san must be a proud big brother."

"Indeed, Ortho is a star on set." Vil tossed his hair over a shoulder. He still smiled, but there was now a cold, lethal beauty edging his lips. "He's setting a high bar for the other spudlings--but I won't be outdone by him, nor by anyone else.

There was a hesitance, the soft sucking of breath through teeth, and then... "Do you recall when I returned from Styx? The state that I was in?"

"How could I forget? Why, you were so old and withered, we barely recognized you as the same glamorous Vil Schoenheit that graces magazine covers and TV screens. It was very memorable, fufufu."

"Stop that grinning before I smack that smirk right off of your face," Vil snapped. (Jade immediately obliged.) "As I was saying, that experience... it opened my eyes to a great number of realizations."

"Oh? You don't say."

Vil nodded. "It was like my life was flashing before my eyes. A full 18 years of memories and feelings colliding at once, and the chilling thought that I would soon be robbed of what little life I had remaining, my future stolen from me... It was terrifying.

"But you know what? I'm glad for having gone through it. Unpleasant as it was... I looked into that mirror and walked away with a glimpse of what lies far ahead for me--and I am here now, able to make the most of the present.

Vil lifted a hand, cupping the stars above in his fingers. "When I live, I want to shine. I want to put my best effort into every piece, every production, that I am a part of. With my name and face out to the public, I can reach more hearts, inspire more people. Then..."

He lowered his hand, fingers closed in a fist--as though he had fished a precious piece of starlight right out of the sky. Vil's lashes were heavy, fluttering like petals in the wind upon his cheeks.

"... That would most definitely carry on into the future. Not just into my future, but into the futures of all I have impacted through my acting. My spirit has become a part of them--and through the lives I have touched, my spirit is alive, and I will continue to shine. That is the power of art and media: it persists long after the creators are no longer with us."

“I see." Jade spoke delicately, as though he, too, were bewitched by the beauty before him.

Such raw, overwhelming charisma and determination. Such… power.

The eel suppressed his mirth.

“In that way, you would be leaving a piece of yourself with the organization. Long after you have graduated, your legacy will still live on in the Film Research Club and through your countless fans."

"You understand."

Vil held his interviewer's gaze. There was a solidarity to their silence, a knowingness, a mutual agreement, between the two. The night, its moon, and the stars, were their audience upon that shared stage.

"My 'beauty' will be eternal, no matter the age I am. I'm certain of it."

His declaration was loud and resolute against the night.

Above the duo, the hands of a grand clock tower turned, locking them--and Vil's promise--into place. Bells roared to life, ringing in a new hour with their deep, reverberating song.

Bing-bong, ding-dong! Ding-dong, bing-bong!

The time of reckoning had arrived.

"I believe that's my signal to exit stage left." Vil swept his broom in an elegant arc. Pink, violet, and maroon particles fell from the bouquet affixed to one end.

"Yes, we wouldn’t want you to keep your beloved fanbase waiting.” Jade took a step back and dipped into a bow. His eyes humbly lowered to the ground, he said, “I wish you safe travels—and the best of luck with your endeavors.”

“Hmph, just who do you take me for?” Vil planted himself on the handle of his broom. He folded his arms, assuming a haughty stance. “I don’t need luck, I’m confident in my own abilities to see my goal through to the very end.

“Now then… Be sure to sear this image into your memories. There won’t be many opportunities for you to witness me at the height of bloom.”

“As you wish.”

With that, Vil departed, his broom rising steadily before sailing off into the darkened sky. Poised, and as close to perfection as he could manage.

A wayward spring breeze tousled his flaxen locks. Silver moonlight wove itself into the gold of his hair, seeping into the cream of his skin.

Petals scattered around him, swarming the birthday boy in a storm of flowers. Vil caught one between his thumb and forefinger—a petal so rose-red it was like blood upon freshly fallen snow. He planted a tender kiss upon it before releasing it back to the wind.

The illuminated face of the clock tower cast him in a heavenly glow. His silhouette, sharp.

A beautiful promise for the future.

Jade smiled after him. Not warmly, but not coldly either.

I’ve learned many things about Vil-san today. Yes… many, many interesting things.

#Vil Schoenheit #Jade Leech #twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #Vil birthday takeover #spoilers #something no one asked for #twisted wonderland scenarios #twisted wonderland imagines #twst imagines #twst scenarios #Vil's “I want to shine” speech was inspired by Grovyle's speech from PMD: Explorers of Sky #Grovyle you the real OG

[muffinsin]

Hey, I like to think castle Dimitrescu has a nice sizable garden. I like to think the family employs maids to upkeep the gardens alongside the vineyards; planting and designing elaborate flower beds, Roman statues, trellises, arbor gate, a beautiful hedge maze mixed with climbing roses, secluded seating in dead ends and an elegant fountain hidden in the middle. I also like to think that once spring has sprung, Daniela reads in the gardens rather than the library.

I also also like to think that one late summer night, a curious outsider scales the garden walls for the sole purpose of picking a rose. What they find instead is Dani, sitting by the fountain reading out loud Romeo and Juliet. Enchanted by the youngest Dimitrescu’s beauty, the outsider (fem g!p) admires from afar. Dani is reading Act 2 scene 2 where Romeo scales the capulet garden wall to see Juliet again (aka the balcony scene). She reads out a Juliet line, “How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb, And the place death, considering who thou art, If any of my kinsmen find thee here.” Before she can continue, the outsider reads out the Romeo line, “With love’s light wings did I o’erperch these walls, For stony limits cannot hold love out, And what love can do, that dares love attempt. Therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me.” Of course, this startles Dani at first, but soon she relaxes and finds herself taken by this dashing outsider. She gets the idea to test this outsider and see how long they can recite the story until things become…..too heated.

Lol I’m sure you can see a pattern with me. I love romance, especially the classics. Also, happy new year day!🎉

I absolutely agree about the garden!🪴 also such an interesting concept!👀 I’ll admit I’ve never read Romeo and Juliet lol so this might be a tad bit messier than I’d like it to be- won’t lie tho I had a lot of fun with it😬 Happy new year! 🎊 (little late as I took my time with this request, but still! Happy 2024 y’all!🎊)

Let’s get into it!

Masterlist 1

Masterlist 2

You barely manage to hold onto the stone wall as you climb alongside the small ledge. It’s cold, and slippery, and if it wasn’t for the vines covering it, you doubt you would be able to find your grip again at all.

Below you lies sure death by now, rocks and hills, thorns and boulders. You don’t spare it a glance now- never has looking down worked for anybody. You’ll just be able to return the way you came, all the way at the end of the ledge and into the tree that stands tall and proud.

A rose, is your goal.

You’re not sure why you’ve accepted this bet in the first place- to pluck a rose from the gardens of the Dimitrescu family. It’s by no means an easy task, much less one that promises safe return.

Maybe it’s your curiosity that led you to accept.

After all, the Dimitrescus are somewhat of a myth, merely a very real one.

You’ve never personally laid eyes on any of them, but heard the stories.

Stories of women, virgins, dragged off and made into wine. Others enslaved to work at the castle, at which a gruesome fate awaits them should they not perform well.

Other stories speak of a woman, a countess, taller than any man or woman one has ever seen. And three commanders, daughters.

It is said they are a family of royal standard, yet blood-thirsty huntresses willing to kill and slaughter innocent people.

You know of their distaste of men- everybody does.

And yet you have never seen them, not one of them. Are they truly as bad as they are made out to be? Are they filthy hags with bloodied limbs and large, unforgiving eyes?

It says it is curiosity that kills the cat, and yet you’re feeling exceptionally curious.

Perhaps, your questions will be answered at last.

You steady your grip as you near what must be the gardens of the castle. The summer air is warm, and even from the opposite side of the wall do you smell the scent of many blooming flowers.

You freeze momentarily at a voice. Have you been discovered?

No, the voice is faint, and dreamy. Soft, and beautiful. You feel as though pulled in.

Faster and more eager than you should, you scale the ledge faster, eager to see who this beautiful voice belongs to.

“What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night, so stumblest on my counsel”, the dreamy voice goes on.

You frown- you know this quotation.

For a moment you feel a small blush creep to your face- how fitting the line is, in a way. Only is it you who suddenly has their mind invaded by the calm, soft voice from the other side of the wall.

It’s soft and warm, gentle and yet- hopeful. Phrases roll off the sweet maiden’s tongue like honeyed words, from what must be honeyed lips.

You wonder- is this one of the women kidnapped by the almighty Dimitrescu family? A beauty trapped in the castle? You would free her, and yet beg her to sing her sweet phrases more and more.

You keep moving, you can see a bunch of thicker vines near you, perfect to climb the thick stone wall and make your way into what can only be the Garden of Eden.

“By a name. I know not how to tell thee who I am. My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, Because it is an enemy to thee. Had I it written, I would tear the word.”, the dainty creature reads aloud.

You grunt quietly as you at last climb the thick vines. As though enchanted by a siren’s spell, your eyes immediately find the woman the beautiful voice belongs to, and are at once unable to gaze away from her for even a moment.

Auburn hair falls down her back and shoulders, glistening in the beautiful light of the moon. It has her skin appear almost white-grayed, the pale color a contrast to her dark clothing.

She is ethereal, you realize. You can’t make out the details of her face from a distance, the urge to move closer to her taking over your mind.

The beauty sits perched on a small, regal looking bench, surrounded by flowers.

You watch her pick one, a white, large one, and bring it to her face. Even from the distance you see her eyes closing in content.

She’s completely in her own little world, it seems. It’s a beautiful sight to see. Never have you gazed upon such beauty and purity.

Then, she giggles, and it’s as though your heart skips several beats.

The flower you are supposed to pick- there are plenty right within your arms reach, yet you can’t be bothered. Your eyes have set on a by far more perfect prize.

The beautiful woman smells the flower once more before picking up the book resting in her lap again.

“My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words. Of that tongue's uttering, yet I know the sound. Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?”, she reads aloud in an angel’s voice, though she is giddy now. She seems to be reading to the flower she has picked, as though it was her beloved Romeo.

You’re blushing, the next line well on your mind. Again, it applies to you.

“Neither, fair maid, if either thee dislike.”, you whisper to yourself. What are you- a burglar, technically? A villager?- neither, if she shall not like even one. You wish to be whatever she wants you to be, for her.

Soon enough the dainty creature repeats, gently, the words from the verse.

“Neither, fair maid, if either thee dislike.”, she hums. You fully climb over the wall, hidden by the shadows as you step into the garden.

This woman, you notice in the back of your mind, doesn’t seem like a captive. Like a helpless maiden. She seems powerful, yet delicate.

Upon getting a closer look, you notice her golden eyes nearly glowing in the darkness of the night. They’re beautiful, unique and breathtaking.

You yearn to touch the beauty, to feel her words of love and affection addressed to you.

“How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb, and the place death, considering who thou art, if any of my kinsmen find thee here.”, she reads aloud, and her voice is so soft, so enchanting and alluring, seductive and sweet, innocent and tempting all at the same time, you can no longer hold back.

“With love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold love out; And what love can do, that dares love attempt. Therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me”, you blurt out.

She’s visibly startled, so much so that the flower falls from her delicate thighs and onto the stone pavement, her golden eyes bright and wide as she turns her head adorably, trying to find you.

It seems even before you step out of the shadows, she finds you.

Still, the beauty stares in bewilderment as you approach, stepping closer and closer. She takes a step back, gasping when the back of her knees hit the bench behind her.

To your shock, a sickle is summoned to her hand, and her position grows defensive. Perhaps it’s foolish that it took you until now to realize that the dainty creature is no helpless maiden, but one of the predators taunting the village and its inhabitants.

But, she’s pretty.

And so you march on no matter the risk, as though she was a siren and had lured you in.

When in front of her, you bend down somewhat gracefully to grasp and pick up the fallen flower. It’s shines in the moonlight, not entirely unlike the beautiful woman’s eyes.

When you rise and, with to Daniela surprising and never seen confidence, grasp her hand, you note a small, but surprised gasp coming from her.

Her hand is soft, but cold, and she gasps again as you bend down to place a light kiss to her knuckles.

How…romantic. You’re unlike anybody she has ever met or even laid eyes on.

The woman wordlessly stares, a blush on her pale cheeks making her seem more petite and innocent than she surely is.

As she accepts the flower back into her hand, words tumble from her lips- the continuation of the verse.

“If they do see thee, they will murder thee”, she whispers.

Unbeknownst to you, Daniela’s words ironically are a warning. If one of her sisters or mother was to spot you, you will be slain. Her eyes glisten with something- curiosity, love, hope, darkness. You feel as if you could drown in those beautiful pools of gold.

You hold her gaze. For some reason you find yourself deeply disappointed when her hand slips from yours.

She looks shy, yet seductive. She knows exactly what she is doing, and is yet cautious- you are an intruder, after all, with intentions unclear to her.

“Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye than twenty of their swords. Look thou but sweet, and I am proof against their enmity.”, you answer, stating Romeo’s verse.

Again, you seem to almost be responding to her warning in the poem of the beautiful words of the verse coming from your lips.

Then, a small promise falls from Daniela’s lips. Again, you would not know the true meaning of the spoken phrase until later.

“I would not for the world they saw thee here”, she says, and means it.

Her sisters will not find this delicious and intriguing intruder. You’re all hers, she decides.

You’re quick to respond to her.

“I have night's cloak to hide me from their eyes, and but thou love me, let them find me here. My life were better ended by their hate, than death proroguèd, wanting of thy love.”

You smile at her blush, as well as when you notice her breath quicken. This woman is adorable.

Daniela feels as though her head is spinning. She feels weak at her knees at your romantic words. This is like the most delightful of games!

The auburn haired woman grips the flower a little tighter, smirking at you as she smells it again and smiles.

With a light push to your shoulder, she walks past you, elegant in her slow and seductive movements.

“By whose direction found'st thou out this place?”, she asks, real curiosity burning in her golden eyes.

You see what she is doing, too. She’s testing you, to see how far you will be able to go until you cannot keep up with her.

As though you were the predator you know this woman apparently is, you stalk after her as she moves, admiration and want clear on your face whereas her is a perfect mask of seductiveness, hope and eagerness.

You don’t keep the beautiful woman waiting, instead answer proudly: “By love, that first did prompt me to inquire. He lent me counsel, and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot, yet wert thou as far as that vast shore washed with the farthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise.”

The woman’s eyes shine at your answer, and yet as you reach out to grab her, she spins and keeps moving.

She’s a siren, and you’re eager to be pulled under.

Her fingertips caress the flowers she passes, the vines and even the cold stone wall. She rests on top of the stairs of a gazebo, excitement betrayed in her eyes.

You stare in anticipation, your greedy eyes taking in the sight of this woman. Her auburn hair falling gently and blowing in the warm wind, the black rose tattoo in her forehead symbolizing her house. You wish to trace it.

The choker necklace sitting snuggly around her throat, regal and gothic looking, with a single, green gemstone embedded in it.

Her large cleavage, exposed due to the V-Cut of her dress. You do your best not to stare, yet feel your dick twitching beneath your trousers at the sight and scent of the woman, the flowery and sweet one lingering in the air as long as she is only around. You feel your arousal rising with every passing moment.

She’s the most stunning creature you have ever encountered.

“Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face, else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek for that which thou hast heard me speak tonight. Fain would I dwell on form; fain, fain deny what I have spoke. But farewell, compliment. Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay,' And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,

Thou mayst prove false. At lovers' perjuries they say Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo, if thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully; or if thou thinkest I am too quickly won, I'll frown and be perverse and say thee nay,

So thou wilt woo, but else not for the world. In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond, and therefore thou mayst think my behavior light. But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true

Than those that have more coying to be strange. I should have been more strange, I must confess, but that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware, my true-love passion.

Therefore pardon me, and not impute this yielding to light love, which the dark night hath so discoverèd.”

By the end of her turn, she is in front of you, so close that you feel on fire, almost. Her hands, bare and soft, rest on your shoulders as she gazes down at you from the step she stands on. Golden eyes betray the arousal she feels, and give a hint towards the delusional “love” she believes to feel already.

It’s a dangerous game, and one you’re eager to play.

The woman gasps as you grip her hips, slim but soft, and allows you to lift her off the step.

Her golden eyes find you, tension building up farther between the two of you. Her gaze is piercing almost, as is yours.

“Lady, by yonder blessèd moon I vow, that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops-“, you begin, smiling softly as she eagerly responds, her hands squeezing your shoulders as you squeeze her hips.

Her cheeks are warm and pink as she talks, the dainty creature only yours for this moment.

“O, swear not by the moon, th'inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.”, she responds, breathless.

Daniela feels eager, and she spots the eagerness in your eyes.

You feel her so close to you, and it’s making your head spin. All in you demands you to lean forwards and capture the woman’s soft looking lips in yours.

“What shall I swear by?”, comes your breathlessly spoken reply.

“Do not swear at all, or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe thee.”

You can no longer hold back.

A small, surprised gasp comes from the woman as you grip her back and push her forwards, your lips capturing hers effortlessly. She hums and moans against yours, her small noises more erotic than any you have ever heard before.

She is a seductress, a huntress, and you are her all too eager prey.

“Tell me your name, Juliet, I must know”, you beg, words hushed and whispered against her soft lips. She’s panting from the kiss, hands rising to your neck.

“Daniela”, she answers. “Daniela Dimitrescu”, she adds, as though there was any doubt remaining to her true identity.

You capture her lips in a kiss lest she can speak again, your tongue addicted to the taste of hers again already.

Her little noises, her moans and gasps, hums and giggles do a number on you. You must not look or reach down to feel yourself become hard, and you barely refrain from groping and kneading the soft flesh of her body.

Softly, you lead her inside the gazebo, and an equally soft gasp escapes your lips as the woman pushes you down on the bench.

You must not yearn for her touch, however, as she straddles your thighs immediately and leans in for yet another kiss, her hands coming up to the sleeves of your blouse, tugging gently.

You know what she wants, and grant it to the beauty.

With a simple movement you unbutton and take off your blouse, eyes watching hungrily as Daniela slips off your lap to undo the corset around her waist. You watch greedily as she pulls its strings and it falls to the floor, then reaches back to pull open her dress.

One by one skin is revealed as her dress inches down- pale shoulders, perky, round breasts and hard, slightly darker nipples, a soft stomach and waist with smooth and wide hips, black panties in the way to see her most intimate part. Thick thighs and black, near transparent tights, black heels. You can’t help ogling the beautiful creature.

Daniela blushes under your gaze, climbing back onto your lap as she kisses you. Your hips settle on her hips again, and you feel your bulge press up against her covered cunt.

You want nothing but to press up, to grind against her.

“Perfect”, you whisper, trailing kisses along her sensitive neck. She’s moaning and whimpering on top of you, hands kneading your thigh only arousing you more.

She cups your bulge, and you near bite down on her pale skin. Groans slip past your lips as she gropes and squeezes, eagerly exploring your body with one hand on your bulge, the other traveling up and down your front.

“You’re ethereal. Breathtaking”, you moan. You feel her shiver and hear her gasp at your words. She’s adorably sensitive as you prod at her neck, kissing, biting and sucking, creating hickeys on pale flesh.

Daniela lets out a light gasp as your hands slide up to her breasts, squeezing and cupping them. They’re large and round, soft and firm. A pull of her nipples has the redhead arch her back slightly for you.

“So beautiful”, you whisper, like you at last receive your prize. She whimpers, moaning and mewling softly for you.

With desperation clear in her golden eyes, Daniela grinds down on you, her warm panty-covered core rubbing against your bulge. You feel yourself growing painfully hard and twitching underneath her. You want release, and you want to grant her hers.

“May I, my fair lady?”, you whisper against her neck, lips brushing against her bruised and marked skin as your fingers slide down and toy with the waistband of her underwear.

She nods quickly, eagerly. “Yes, my love, please”, she gasps all so happily.

As soon as she stands enough to allow you to slide her underwear off, her eager hands grip the waistline of your trousers. Eager, seductive eyes set on you yet again and you nod, lifting your hips enough for her to pull the clothing down and expose you.

Your eyes widen as she drops to her knees, a hand snaked between her own legs, her other on your thigh. She stares up at you, submissively and blushing, yet so eager and enticing.

“Please”, you whisper, a gentle command for her to take you in her awaiting mouth. Daniela doesn’t have to be told twice, head leaning forwards as she takes you in, humming and moaning around your tip.

It’s been ages since she’s had one, she feels giddy with excitement at the prospect of getting to play with you!

You tangle your hand in her hair, feeling the soft locks as she bobs her head and squeezes your thigh.

Her cheeks are warm, her eyes bright whenever she glances up at you. Moans ripple from her throat and your head spins when she begins to finger herself, dragging moans and mewls from her lips which’s vibrations bring you immense pleasure.

At the squelching sound of her pussy accepting her fingers inside, you wish for nothing but to bury yourself deep within her.

She takes her fingers well, and is, by the sound of her fingers thrusting in and out, soaked.

You yearn to feel the woman around you, bouncing on your cock and receiving it hard from behind as her adorable, sexy breasts bounce for you, then clean the beauty up.

“Y-Yes, you’re doing so go-good!”, you praise, which only seems to spur her on more. Daniela hums and smiles, hips shaking for a moment as she curls her fingers within herself.

Truly, she would much rather have you inside than her fingers, if only so she wouldn’t have to be as gentle as she must be with her sharp nails.

She tastes the precum dripping from you for a moment, giggling as she lets go of your cock and licks it up eagerly. “Good girl”, you groan, panting and moaning for her. You cup your own breast and guide her head back to your cock, shivering as the minx drags her tongue along you and sucks your tip clean.

You gasp at the feeling, the pleasure driving you closer to your orgasm.

She too feels close, her thighs trembling and her hips bucking up as her thumb grazes against her clit and rubs it as she thrusts her fingers inside.

With gentle, shaky hands you grab her hair again and guide her back to her previous position, moaning as your cock slips back inside her warm and wet mouth and she bobs her head again.

You feel yourself at the back of her throat, pushing up against her collar necklace the deeper she takes you and gags around you.

Your fingers twitch as you play with your breasts, and your head spins. You’re so close, but want her to cum first. So you hold back and continue on moaning and gasping, praises for her falling from your lips that only edge her closer to her own orgasm.

Thankfully, she is not far away from hers, moaning and whimpering constantly with a flushed face and a mouth full of your cum.

At last you notice her cum, her moans and muffled scream bringing you to your own, as you hastily pull away to cover her chest and lips.

You pant and buck your hips beyond control at the erotic picture of the beautiful woman painted in your cum. It drips from her wet lips to her chin, sticks to her chest and collarbone.

You waste no time to pull her back on your lap, the woman’s glee giggles causing a wide smile to form on your face. She’s got you wrapped around your finger, with her sweet voice and adorable appearance and giggles, her unique physique as well as her beautiful eyes- and both of you know this.

Her lips meet yours once again. As you taste yourself on her tongue, you feel the primal urge to taste her.

Daniela blushes shyly when her wrist is grabbed and brought to your face, your eyes taking in the shimmer of slick wetness that coats her fingers.

When you wrap your mouth around the digits, the auburn haired woman grinds down again. Her wet cunt rubs directly against your cock and your head spins at the feeling of her wetness smeared against you.

You hum around her fingers, tasting the sweet, candy-like wetness that must be her cum. You almost chuckle. The sweet flavored taste matches her perfectly.

Daniela watches panting as you suck her fingers clean completely, only letting go of her wrist once all wetness is licked and sucked away.

As you feel your cock hardening between your legs and pushing up against her, Daniela squeaks adorably. She grinds down properly, moaning and whimpering at the feeling of her wet and sensitive clit rubbing against you.

As much as you are a fan of her wet body humping your cock, you barely have any restraint left. All of you urges you to push inside the beautiful woman.

“Can I?”, you ask, wanting to confirm her consent to this. Daniela giggles breathlessly, her hips raising already and her hand reaching between her legs as she sinks down on you.

“O-Oooh!~”, she moans, her mouth dropped open at the feeling of having you slide deep inside of her. She’s shivering and grips your shoulders tightly, as though to adjust to the feeling.

You stay still despite your urges to take the dainty creature and fuck her sore, instead allow her this time to get used to the feeling. Still, your cock twitches and throbs inside of her, and her cunt clenches around you as if to milk you of your cum.

“You feel s-so good, my love”, she whispers, panting and moaning as she moves her hips a little.

“As do you, my beautiful Daniela”

The phrase makes her head spin and has her clench around you tightly. To be called yours so boldly is doing things to her. She doesn’t ever want to let you go! No, you’re all hers, intruder or not. Her sisters would never have to find out…

Daniela gasps when your patience seems to come to an end. You thrust upwards roughly, eager to feel her clench around you again; and you are granted this.

“Divine”, you whisper back, your hands at her hips as you work your hips. You thrust fast and deep, and watch in delight as the redhead moans and shrieks from the pleasure, her hands tightening on your shoulders, her breasts bouncing as she is fucked on top of your lap.

Daniela’s head is thrown back when you lean down and wrap your lips around her breast, sucking eagerly. Now you have a taste of her, you are sure she is what can only be described as utter bliss.

“Ah-ah! A-AAAh!”, she shrieks and moans, little whimpers and moans falling from her black painted lips. She feels you thrust deep into her and does her best to match your thrusts, grinding down and panting soon at your pace.

You don’t deny her, instead move your hand down to rub her small clit in tight circles.

She can’t remember ever being taken like this; raw want and lust displayed in the form of pointed, skilled thrusts into her, hands gripping her hips tightly to ensure she would stay in place right where you want her, as well as the way your lips wrap around her nipple eagerly.

“Ple-A-AH! Yes! Yes! AAHMORE!”

She feels helpless in the best way, succumbing to pleasure and love, whimpering and gasping for more. Her thick ass presses against your balls every time she grinds down again, and as your limbs ache, you feel her riding you eagerly.

Daniela’s hips buck helplessly after a short while already. You feel her tightening around you every few seconds, her chest heaving and her arched back causing her breasts to push against you tighter.

You lose your other hand from her hip and slide it up her ribcage, until you cup her unoccupied breast.

The poor redhead feels herself be brought to her orgasm fast; with your cock buried deep inside of her and her clit rubbed, her sensitive nipples squeezed and sucked.

Eager to repay the favor, one of her hands slides down to cup your breast. The dainty thing is a lot stronger and naughtier than she appears, her fingers bringing you pleasure with ease even as her hips rise and fall.

She looks graceful riding you, even as her head is thrown back and her back is arched for you.

“S-So close, A-AAAAH! Y-yes! YES!”

You bite down on her gently, tearing yet another squeak and gasp from her lips. Her clit feels warm as it throbs under your fingertip, the needy woman so close.

When she cums, she tightens around you, so much it takes all of your willpower not to cum inside of her yet. You don’t want things to end just yet, too caught up in her bliss.

Daniela gasps when within moments she is picked up and turned, instead leaned against the bench with you still inside.

The new position allows you to thrust even deeper into your sweet newfound darling.

It’s ironic in a way; your intention to pick and steal a single flower from the Castle gardens, yet you pluck the most beautiful and precious one for yourself

#cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu x reader #dianabetic6

[inscrutable-shadow]

Whumptober 2023 Day 6 - Opening Act

@whumptober-archive

Alt Prompt - Lab Rat

In at the wire, amirite? And a form experiment? During Whumptober? Less likely than you'd think! I can't put a readmore in a chat format I am so sorry hopefully the new post shortening feature is sufficient ;-;

I don't feel comfy deciding how much of the Doc's backstory is canon to FCD right now so have a new banner, I guess. They should be about nineteen here, and this is one of their first subjects. Have them being horrifying for a bit lol.

contains: gore, medical experimentation, medical malpractice, lab whump

also available on ao3!

Partial audio recording recovered from raid of former Astra Group research facility. Subject has been identified from accompanying documents as subject 003-CV. [rustling sounds, as if the recording device is being worn around the DOCTOR’s neck. their voice is louder than 003’s because of the resonance.] 003: W-What are you going to do to me? DOCTOR: (brightly) Mm, well, I was thinking, given your broad shoulders and larger than average chest cavity, that you would be an excellent subject for my experiments regarding the integration of a secondary pulmonary system into a living human. I believe I have found a pair that will quite fit you.[sound like velcro pulling and leather stretching] DOCTOR: Ah, take care when you pull at the restraints! They are quite secure. I would not want you to injure yourself. 003: Extra lungs? What do I need extra lungs for? DOCTOR: Just think of the applications! You could hold your breath for twice as long. With some additional modifications, perhaps even breathe in and out at the same time. Much more efficient. Though, well, you are unlikely to do either. I am not arrogant enough to assume that my first attempt at this procedure will be that successful. 003: So I’m going to die? DOCTOR: Like as not, yes.  003: Didn’t you take an oath or something? Do no harm? DOCTOR: Me? Oh, certainly not! Even if I were in the habit of making promises I did not intend to keep, my education was… unorthodox. Not that I truly mind spinning public falsehoods, but life is easier when you keep those to a minimum, I think. [the clinking of metal tools] DOCTOR: Plus, I believe those sorts of ethical quibbles only hold the art of medicine back. To truly drive progress forward, we must be willing to do what was previously held to be impossible. 003: Wait! Er, why are you doing this? Surely there’s some other way to- DOCTOR: Ah, I see. You are working with a faulty premise. I am not some young, idealistic doctor blinded to ethics by their drive to seek the truth. On the contrary, I do this because I love it! [DOCTOR laughs] DOCTOR: Slicing through skin, pulling apart sinew, grinding through bone, I find it all absolutely delightful. Hold still a minute, quick pinch coming… 003: (slurred) What… what’d you give me? DOCTOR: That should numb the pain and prevent you from moving. It is a little experimental thing I have been working on. We shall see if it works, no? 003: Please… no… DOCTOR: Hush, love. The less you talk, the less it will hurt. [slicing sounds. 003 screams.] DOCTOR: (gleefully) Oops. I lied. [more slicing sounds. 003 continues to wail and moan.] DOCTOR: (giggling) Pardon me a moment. Need to… step away to compose myself… Ah, this is incredible! [their voice is muffled, as if pressing a hand over their surgical mask. the laughter’s volume is unchanged.] 003: You’re insane! DOCTOR: (still laughing) Oh, certainly! Glad to see you understand! [more giggles and a few deep breaths, then the slicing sounds resume.] DOCTOR: Oh, this is my favourite part. [the whirring of a bone saw. the DOCTOR hums a folk tune, possibly ‘Daisy Daisy’. 003 screams louder than previously, but is cut off. recording ends.]

taglist: @athenswrites, @i-eat-worlds, @demondamage you seem invested in doc stuff so idk if you want to be tagged? just let me know!

#whumptober 2023 #whumptober2023 #no.6 #alt prompt #lab rat #gore tw #oc #fic #original fiction #my writing #writeblr #coy writes #whumpblr #coy whumps #the doctor five card draw #first do harm au #it's not really an au but yanno #grownup doc laughs during procedures much less but yanno sometimes it just has to come out

[angelumcaedis]

The Red Means I Love You (894 words) by angelumcaedis Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Baldur's Gate (Video Games) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Female Character(s), Astarion/The Dark Urge (Baldur's Gate), Astarion/Tav (Baldur's Gate) Characters: The Dark Urge (Baldur's Gate), Astarion (Baldur's Gate) Additional Tags: Knifeplay, there's not actual sex but durge is getting off on it, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Torture, Non-Consensual Bondage, Sadism, Bloodplay Summary: The Dark Urge (she/her, no description or name used) has a nightmare. Mild spoilers for the Dark Urge through Act 3.

(Highly recommend listening to the song of the same title which I had on repeat while writing)

Click above to read on AO3 or click through the readmore:

“I will make it good for you, I promise,” she panted, pupils wide, face flushed.

Astarion tried to lean away from where her knife lightly stroked his cheek, not quite hard enough to break skin - not yet. But there wasn’t anywhere to go - he was bound too tightly to this tree for him to do much at all.

“Darling?” he began, voice strained, “Not that I’m against trying something - different - but normally one has a conversation about this sort of thing first.”

“You will be the prettiest corpse I have ever had the privilege of creating, my love.”

There was something so precious in the way his eyes blew wide with fear, genuine fear, ears pinned back like the prey he was. She breathed in deep, scenting his terror, arousal shooting through her core.

Now, where to start?

She had prioritized immobilizing his hands, those clever hands, so deft and nimble and altogether too good what they did (picking locks, of course.) It wouldn’t do for her prey to wriggle his way free, so she had tied his hands up and far from each other.

This also created a conveniently spread canvas on which to work her art. And art he would be. Art was easy when you started with something as gorgeous as him.

There. She pressed the blade against his stark collarbones, tracing their outline as she cut, a thin line of red following in its wake. Astarion hissed, fangs on full display, an odd mixture of fear and aggression in his eyes. She grinned up at him.

“You’ve had your turn, and now it’s mine,” she said as she pressed her lips to the cut, tongue laving over the sliced flesh as she tasted her lover’s blood. He tasted of iron, old and rusted, not quite fresh as the truly living. But there was something there…

A thought occurred to her. She put the knife to her own thumb, drawing a well of red from her own flesh, and tasted it. Yes. There it was.

He tasted like her.

Her heart soared with giddiness. He was truly a wonder, and would make such an offering to her lord father. A sacrifice suffused with her own blood, the blood of Bhaal. Overcome with emotion, she surged forward and took Astarion’s face in her hands. She kissed him deeply, their blood mingling with their spit.

“Augh!” she stumbled back, hand jumping to her mouth. It came away covered in…. Well. More blood, specifically hers this time. “You… fucking bit me!”

“Oh come on, it’s hardly the first time.”

A hysterical giggle overcame her. Her beloved was so funny!

The blood was stark against the paleness of his skin in the moonlight. He licked his lips, staring her down. His gaze still held fear, but there was a spite in his eyes now - he wasn’t going to just lay there and let her have her fun.

That’s fine. She’s always liked the ones that play hard to get.

She surveyed him up and down, considering where to go, what to do, next. Ah yes. The legs. She admired those, and his speed on the battlefield. She knelt next to him and began flaying the flesh to highlight the curves of the thigh, peeling a thin later of flesh away just enough to expose the striations of muscle beneath. She could hear his sharp intake of breath, clearly trying so hard not to give her any satisfaction by offering her any sound. He stayed strong for so long as she carved first his left and then his right according to her vision.

She broke him when she set her lips against him once more, pressing kisses into the bloody wounds as she stood up slowly. A choking sob tore its way out of his throat, face already soaked with the tears he had shed silently thus far. She cupped his face in her hand, brushing a bloody thumb across his cheek.

“Beloved, I am making you even more beautiful. I only wish you could see it for yourself.” She knew he would appreciate it, surely, could he only see her work.

Astarion glared at her with furious eyes, red glinting in the moonlight. He bared his fangs and hissed, “You’re just like him. Like Cazador.”

Bile rose in her throat, burning the back of her tongue as she staggered back, his words like actual knives to her chest. She retched, falling to her knees on the forest floor as she emptied the contents of her stomach.

---

Suddenly, a cool hand on her back.

She startled, looking around. She wasn’t in the forest, her hands were not slick with blood.

There was vomit on her shirt, and a bit on the blanket as well. She was in a tent. Astarion sat next to her, alive and well, hands out placatingly. He was clothed, and his clothes were bloodstain-free. He looked concerned.

“Bad dream?”

She nodded, dazed. Her skin burned in shame as she realized her body was still tingling with energy - with arousal. Her stomach twisted again, but there was nothing left to expel. She got up on shaky legs, brushing off his helping hands.

She stumbled out the tent flap, mumbling, “I think I need some air.”

As she stalked off into the night, all she could think was: Gods, he had been so beautiful.

#astarion #the dark urge #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #astarion/the dark urge #dark fic #blood #blood cw #violence cw #this is the first fic i have posted on ao3 since 2017 #the brainrot is so real

[viatrixia]

Darling Jean

pairing: jean x kaeya ft. minor jean x diluc words: 2, 767 genre: angst, break up, new moon, alcohol, childhood friends warning: implied smut note: cross posted on ao3

It’s only natural that Jean Gunnhildr and Kaeya Alberich gradually grew closer over the years as they work together to maintain peace in Monstadt while also being each other’s close confidants as they drink their nights away and reminisce over their childhood-friend-turned-estranged-acquaintance.

Yet there are times when said childhood-friend-turned-estranged-acquaintance shows up unannounced in front of Jean’s home at 3 in the morning.

And she’s never truly mastered the art of turning Diluc Ragnvindr away, even if she knows she would be forcing Kaeya Alberich to take one step back from this—whatever this is.

“Those aren’t what I think they are, are they?” A familiar smooth, velvet voice drums in the Acting Grandmaster’s ears as a kiss lands on her exposed shoulder.

The words on the report splayed across her lap is starting to look a lot like a jumbled mess of black ink and parallel lines.

“I couldn’t sleep so I thought I should review Eula’s report on the new Fatui camp they’d found set up in Brightcrown Mountains.” Jean says, not looking up from the 3rd page of the report detailing the 3 Fatui Agents and their activities for the past couple of days.

Somehow, the answer isn’t a satisfactory one to a certain Calvary Captain and he makes it known by wrapping a strong arm around her waist and rests his chin on the spot where he kissed her shoulder.

His hair tickles the side of the blonde woman’s face and she tilts her head away, unable to put more than a few centimeters between them for the hand on her hip threatens to pull her closer to him, into his taut, naked chest in a—what Jean dupes as—Kaeya Alberich bear hug.

That would distract her from finishing reading the report. And Archons know this man’s mere presence—his mere musky scent, is distracting enough as it is.

So Jean stays put. She doesn’t react nor show any sort of indication that this innocent side-hug, and chin-on-shoulder attempt to read the report in her hands, is making her heart palpitate in her chest.

“You promised you’d stop working.” Kaeya echoes the vow Jean made a few hours prior.

“I’m not working, I’m reading.” 

“...reading something related to your work.” 

“Just a little more, I’m almost done.” She tries to convince him but anyone who knows Jean Gunnhildr, the Acting Grandmaster of the Knights of Favonius, knows that ‘a little more’ in Jean’s books means she can go on for six hours more, perched at her Sandbearer desk and focus on her work without a single break in between.

Well, even if she’s not at her office and sitting on the gifted cushioned chair by the Grandmaster Varka upon Jean’s appointment as the Acting Grandmaster, Kaeya doesn’t doubt that she’ll have no trouble focusing in this dimly lit room with only a lantern on her nightstand, naked and covered only from her waist down with a creme comforter.

So he sinks his teeth in the aforementioned renounced workaholic’s pale shoulder.

“Ah, hey! What are you, a vampire?” Jean jolts away in surprise rather than pain, the paper she was holding just a second ago now fluttering in the air and settling amongst the rest of the report in Jean’s lap whilst her hand covers the tingling spot where Kaeya left his mark.

“I could be, if you want me to. I can be anything you want me to, darling Jean.” Kaeya chuckles, no ounce of remorse in his voice as he meets Jean’s widened, disbelieved eyes.

And that’s when she truly looks at him tonight after she escaped his arms, lit up the lantern on her nightstand and pulled out the report from the top drawer of said nightstand.

It’s a mistake to look Kaeya Alberich in the eye. 

It’s almost like she’s sinking in a dormant lake in winter, the tips of her fingers numbing as though kissed by invisible frost and her heartbeat begins to quicken in a feeble attempt to keep the blood flowing through her veins, before the ice freezes her over.

It doesn’t help that the silver moon rays pours through the open curtains and gives his bronze skin a mystical type of sheen—the kind that makes her want to run her tongue all over his body and taste every part of him.

And perhaps he can read her thoughts like an open book; or perhaps he’s simply the kind of man to take advantage of her stunned state—either way, the papers on her lap begin dancing in the air before they flutter down and settle on the wooden floor whilst the person the report was meant for finds herself trapped underneath a fine, muscular body.

Kaeya has one hand pinned on the side of Jean’s head while his other hand is on her chin, forcing her to look at him, him, him.

“I’m saddened, Jean. You tricked me into thinking I have you all to myself tonight with the way you were screaming my name just hours ago and now I have to compete for your attention with Eula?” A grief-stricken expression graces Kaeya’s face.

There’s no hiding the dust of pink on Jean’s cheeks now. Yet there might be hope for her heart—she hopes, no, she prays that Kaeya doesn’t hear her thumping heart as though it’s about to leap out of her chest.

“Archons, please don’t say ‘scream’ and Eula’s name in the same sentence when the real issue is your inability to quell your jealousy over some layers of papers,” Jean plays it off with a sigh, arms banding around Kaeya’s rigid shoulders and pulling him into a soft, gentle kiss.

She feels the way Kaeya’s lips curl into a content smile before he kisses her back more fervently like a sinner who thirsts for salvation.

Salvation, only this force of a woman can give.

But then a knock reverberates on the door, a hushed, hesitant, “Um, miss Jean? There’s someone at the door for you.” following suit.

The blonde breaks the kiss with a surprised gasp, throwing her gaze over at the door as though fearing it’s turned translucent and the person on the other side could see the position they were in; Kaeya on top of her, naked with only a measly layer of comforter draped over his waist, threatening to cascade and reveal his pride and joy to the world and with Jean underneath him, equally as exposed and unclothed as the day she was born.

The way Kaeya’s lips curve into a smile goes unnoticed by Jean.

She can take on a group of churls on her own but shudder at the thought of someone catching them sharing an innocent kiss.

As innocent as kissing while tangled up in bed goes.

“Go.” Kaeya whispers, placing a reassuring kiss on Jean’s forehead before he climbs off her and settles back on his side of the bed.

The kiss seems to be the catalyst that snaps the Acting Grandmaster from her initial shock; in no time, she jumps out of the bed and pulls on the silken bathrobe lying lonely on the ground, aptly tying the sash around her waist but in her haste, Kaeya notices the ample view of cleavage that Jean wouldn’t have let show if she had the time to check herself in the mirror.

“Elena.” Jean opens up the wooden oak door to a brunette maid in her long nightgown, the lantern in her hand illuminating her indecipherable frown.

Her eyes instinctively travel past Jean’s shoulders where she feels a chilling gaze on her yet contrary to his calculative eye, the tanned man in Jean’s bed simply smiles and waves at the maid and she quickly turns her gaze back to Jean.

“Someone’s here for you, miss. I told him you’re not accepting any visitors until tomorrow morning but he insists he sees you… it’s… Master Diluc from the Dawn Winery.”

As soon as the name leaves Elena’s lips, a frost seems to spread in the air. The maid visibly shivers as chills run down her spine.

“Lead Master Diluc to the drawing room, Elana and prepare a light snack with warm tea.” Jean instructs and the dark haired woman bows before retreating down the darkened hallway with rushed strides.

Jean pushes the door close and stands there, as though frozen by the diminishing frost, her back on the man staring into space. Then, he sighs, tanned fingers combing through his midnight hair.

There’s shuffling in the background as he pulls his black pants and white undershirt that hangs loosely off his shoulders, not even bothering to secure the first three buttons and leaving ample room for prying eyes to lick up the sight of his exposed tanned chest.

“I’ll be on the balcony.” He says without so much as a brush of their hands or a forehead kiss that Jean knows Kaeya is infamous for.

But before he can slip past the door and disappear into the hallway leading to the balcony with a chair and table where they spent their afternoon tea together, Jean’s hand curls around Kaeya’s ring and pinky fingers—they’re twice the size of her own fingers and Jean admittedly loves how her hands fit into his, but not right now.

Right now, she’s clinging onto his fingers as though he’s about to slip away from her grasp.

“Let’s go together.” Jean implores.

Kaeya pauses, staring at her sky blue eyes that are clouded with an indecipherable meaning. 

Then, he smiles, hand pulling on the lapels of the silk robe to cover the curves of her breasts purely for his own satisfaction and he thinks the bashful way she turns her gaze from him when she realizes that her cleavage is showing a bit too much, is endearing.

“I don’t think Diluc would be as receptive to my welcoming him in a house that isn’t even mine.” He murmurs, kissing the top of her head

“It can be.”

Your house too, she means.

And convince him, she may try but no amount of pleading and begging can move the heart of this man that’s been frozen over the years after that night. She’s only barely managed to thaw it with their first, tipsy kiss and body warmth but only because she’s always held a special place in his heart and she’s the only person Kaeya’s ever opened up to.

Yet when it comes to his adoptive brother, Jean knows she can never tear down the fortress of ice built around the innermost part of this man’s heart.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be here when you’re done talking.” Kaeya plants a kiss on the top of her head but this one feels obligatory as though it’s the only way to get her to run to the blazing, fiery red-haired man waiting in the drawing room at this ungodly hour and not waste another minute more with him.

Because deep down, perhaps he knows it shouldn’t be him that embraces this steadfast, force of a woman; it shouldn’t be him tasting her lips; it shouldn’t be him sharing her warmth in her bed.

It should be Diluc Ragnvindr, the man Jean Gunnhildr has held close to her heart for almost a decade and would have continued to do so if Kaeya Alberich hadn’t ruined everything and stole the woman his brother cherished just as much.

Jean obliges, her grasp slipping away from him and she nods.

“Then… I’ll go to Diluc.” With that, she walks past the doorway, leaving Kaeya to stare into her retreating back until she disappears at the steps.

“Fuck.” Kaeya curses.

It feels like his heart is physically breaking.

Who in their right mind would send the woman they love back into the arms of the man who loves her just as much?

A resigned chuckle leaves Kaeya’s lips and he lightly bumps his forehead against the sturdy wooden doorway.

“You’ve gone mad, Kaeya Alberich.” He whispers to himself.

***

Jean reaches the deep brown door of the drawing room that would have appeared light colored in daylight. There’s a yellowish-orange light pouring through the gap between the door and the floor and spills over her indoor slippers once she stops in front of the door.

The only thing she hears on the other side of the room is the crackle of the fireplace. If she didn’t know that her childhood-friend-turned-estranged-acquaintance is in the drawing room, she would have waltzed right in and sat by the fireplace and continued reading that report Kaeya’s been bugging her not to.

But Jean knows who lies behind this door and she’s taken enough time to collect herself. So she pushes the door open, revealing a slumped mess of unruly fiery crimson hair on the two-person couch and a strong smell of alcohol—beer, to be exact and Diluc never drinks beer—even from several feet away.

The bread and jam Jean ordered Elena to prepare sits untouched on the coffee table next to the teacup. With a wave of her hand, she tells Elena who’s been standing like a mannequin in one corner of the room, to leave.

“Master Diluc.” Jean greets flatly.

The aforementioned man’s head snaps up as though he’s hearing the calling of an angel, a savior, as if he didn’t just walk all the way here barefoot to seek out this angel.

She spots the traces of dried tears on his cheeks, swollen eyes and the faintest sniffle when he shoots up from his seat, patting his sweaty hands on his deep crimson jacket. And for a man who’s never cried in front of anyone, Jean suspects that something must’ve happened to leave him this rattled.

But she doesn’t mention it—she knows he’d appreciate it if she didn’t.

“Jean.” The name that rolls off Diluc’s tongue feels foreign, surreal even.

His hurried steps carry him to her before his mind even registers it but before his hands manage to gather her in his arms, he stops, balling his hands into fists and forcing them to stay put on his sides.

Scarlet eyes bore into Jean’s sky blue ones with indecipherable emotions. 

“I heard you were looking for me, Master Diluc.” She steels her aching heart and pretends she doesn’t see the whirlwind of emotions beneath a scarlet pool of fires.

At the clear line she’s setting, Diluc throws his gaze to his worn out boots, picking apart every sign of tear and wear as though he’s just seeing them for the first time.

“Yeah… I was wondering if you’d need a sponsor for the Windblume Festival. We’ve extra barrels of wine stocked up for non-commercial purposes.” He looks up again, this time, managing to conceal most of his emotions with his stoic face.

And it comes off as a surprise to Jean, how different the Diluc now and the Diluc she first saw when she entered the room are. They’re like two separate people with completely contradictory air to them.

Yet she easily pushes away her shock with a business-like attitude the way she’s used to with Diluc when they met for anything Monstadt related matters in her office.

“You’ve already done so much for Mondstadt… I couldn’t possibly ask you to sponsor the drinks again for this year’s Windblume Festival.” Jean confesses her hesitance, her eyebrows knitting together in an endearing, overly-worried, over-thinking way that only Jean Gunnhildr manages to pull off.

The sight tucks on Diluc’s heartstrings. He wishes he could push back the stray strand of hair from her face but he simply watches it hover over her forehead.

“Jean, I want to do this. To honor Barbatos and his sacrifices.”

And when Diluc Ragnvindr sets his mind to something, there’s no dissuading him.

Jean finally lets out a defeated sigh and smiles an ‘Monstadt benefits from this more than you, but thank you, Diluc’ kind of smile.

“Sucrose and Albedo are in charge of reaching out to potential sponsors for the festival, I’ll let them know to contact you through Scullion.” Jean reaches out her hand and Diluc has half a mind to grab and pull her into him in a desperate hug.

But instead, he shakes her hand.

“No need to bother the butler, tell them to come straight to me.”

“But—”

Before she can protest, Diluc shakes his head and stops her from saying anything like him having done so much, that someone as important as him shouldn’t be made to look after the little details.

“It’s my pleasure to partake closely in the handling of wine for the festival.” He smiles, a genuine one that thanks her for not turning him away despite his unbecoming visit at three in the morning, reeking of cheap alcohol and a mind almost on the brink of destruction—which she’d woven back with her kind yet unwavering eyes.

And that’s how he knows though she holds him dear, they could never return to the way they used to be; that he’d long passed up his chance to be with her for his own selfish goals despite her relentless wait for him to return to the City of Pastorals.

***

Diluc steps out of the city house owned by the eldest daughter of the Gunnhildrs. The chilly dawn air bites on his tear-stained cheeks that’s long dried. He feels his body shiver even underneath a layer of thin silken shirt and his signature red jacket—no, rather, it’s unusually chilly.

And almost as though he feels the heat of a stare on the back of his head, Diluc cranes his neck to look at the source of where he feels the stare is coming from. Sure enough, he recognizes the silhouette of a midnight haired man with a scar that runs across his right eye, his other good eye glowing as bright as the lit cigar in his hand.

For the longest moment, time seems to stop and the two find themselves stuck in a stare down as though teleported to a ripple in time, a moment where the two stood against one another under the pouring rain, weapons in hand.

Diluc could still feel the handle of his claymore dig painfully into his palm and turn it coarse.

Yet now they face each other again and the rage and devastation he felt is no more. But he couldn’t go back to the way things were.

Things…

Things have changed.

“Kaeya?” The familiar, feminine voice calling for the dark skinned man is what makes him break their stare down.

He sets his cigar on the ashtray on the two-person table in the corner of the balcony, turning his back on the crimson haired man who now has his eyes on the lock of blonde that seems to shine golden underneath the moonlight.

And for the briefest moment, Diluc could see a flash of emotion he’d never seen Jean make before in his presence; a glint of warmth in those freeing sky blue eyes, like snuggling in front of the fireplace with a mug of chocolate milk and marshmallows.

Diluc wonders how many winters Jean and Kaeya have spent together.

“Jean, it’s cold out here, let’s go back inside.” Kaeya cautions, his voice gentle, unlike his witty, bantering self whenever he’s delivering a comeback to his equally sarcastic brother.

“I was wondering if you’re hungry, I could make us a light meal…” Jean’s soft, soothing voice fades away as she and Kaeya walk back into the triple storey house, closing the glass door behind them.

And Diluc finds himself surrounded by the echoing silence yet again. Like he always has been ever since his father died and he decided to roam the face of Teyvat for his vengeance, in exchange for his heart. He treads back to his home with the orange tinted skies and traces of sunrise in the horizon.

If reincarnation isn’t simply a man-made concept to ease the heart of a grieving lover, Diluc Ragnvindr swears to himself that he would never let Jean Gunnhildr slip out of his grasp a second time.

#kaejean #kaeya x jean fanfic #genshin impact fics #genshin fics #genshin fanfic #kaeya x jean fic #kaeya x jean scenario #kaeya x jean oneshot #kaeya x jean #kaejean fic #kaejean fanfic #genshin impact scenarios

[the-melancholy-muse]

Vinyl Moon Volume 97: The Pond Beyond

With Strength, Brandon.

This volume required more strength to digest than I imagined it would, but by the end the pros outweighed the cons.

Listen along with me here. Playlist is also on Spotify.

Let's get into first impressions.

Did I over-hpye this volume before it hit my turntable? Perhaps. I blame a simple premise: KOI BIAS.

The album art truly hooked me in on this one.

I grew up watching my parents' 20 gallon fish tank. I raised Betta in college. I was mildly dismayed wen my husband announced my dreams of aqua-scaping the apartment were officially cancelled when we adopted our cat-not-catfish.

Stereotypically, I worked at an aquarium. One that was home to 90 koi in an interactive exhibit. My employment ended; my visits to pet and feed my babies have not.

Koi pond album was definitely a catch of the month from the sheer looks of it.

VM 97 Listening Log

A1: TRIPPY CELLO INTRO. THIS WILL BE SUCH A DOPE VOLUME. Love the Vocal Timbres. LOVE IT ALL 10/10.

A2: ...was hoping the strings would remain constant. Credit goes to the funky bass line. The synth stabs are a bit too harsh. Downtempo ending was a nice contrast to the mainly repetitive song.

A3: Instantly love the accent of the vocalist and the shimmer guitar and synth. Minimalist chorus, but super effective. I honestly just see Ncuti as the 15th Doctor dancing in his TARDIS with this pumping out the jukebox. More my speed than A2.

A4: Hand percussion is always appreciated in my book. especially when it is slightly more prominent than a set. Downtempo groove and a filtered voice really brings out the isolation vibes the lyrics are giving off. Wall of soft sounds round out the ending. This might be my favorite section of the song. This one kind of just hangs in the air. Fits the lyrics. Not badly written at all, but didn't jump out at me. Still, better than A2.

A5: Traditional shoegaze bass melts into horns? They are not too bright. Feeling this jazz band feel. From jazz band to near silence and oceanic pads. Soft filters, gentle flute, super quiet orchestral brass chords. How did we get here? Compositional genius. Final, darker recurrence of the jazz band ends with a radio fade. 10/10 RECOMMEND. NUANCED SOUNDSCAPE. <CHEF'S KISS>

B1: How can this go from so right to so cloying in 21 seconds? Duet voices and ALL instrumentation hammering the same exact beat pattern in unison. MAKE IT STOP. The best retreat we get is the voices alternating and very basic accompaniment instruments. Voices have not changed their rhythms at all. The only "bridge" they muster is a guitar solo that follows the rhythm of the previous vocal line ...much like the entire song. A side ended in a 10. B side starts with a 1. where s this going to go?

B2: Opening is promising...until vocals start up. It's giving older Taylor Swift. Also giving dixie chicks? Or it sounds like the artist who sang "I'm Gonna Soak Up the Sun". This is not my personal style. Nothing wrong with it songwriting wise. Some people will LOVE this. For me, another dud. I fear for B3.

B3: SWEET RELIEF. This is a bop. Simplicity and plate reverb of surf rock meets a male vocalist who sounds similar to Fleet Foxes. There are a few guitar stabs throughout the chorus, but they add to the song instead of act as a distraction from the vocalist. Well balanced. Loved this little riser section in the kit. Loved all of it, actually. BRING ON B4.

B4: Okay. Stark contrast here. The very few seconds of dissonant notes were creepy in a fun way. This song is straight forward. Too much so for my taste. The main 4/4 beat is just slammed into your brain. Not much of a rhythm section or groove to this. Lyrics are fun though. Well-written electro pop. Great for a general pop audience. Do I think it belongs on this volume exactly where it sits in this track listing? Not really? Will I jam to this after leaving a toxic work environment? Probably bumping this on the way home from my last day. It's love-hate for me. Slightly less hopeful for B5, but there truly is sonic art in this volume, so who knows.

B5: Cutesy. I will take cute. This reminds me of the 2010s. It's catchy. It's easy on the ears. Love the folk instruments. It balances lyrical content with proper instrumental breaks...and just like that, it's done! A short little palette cleanser. For me, a palette cleanser was necessary. Ready? or not? for B6.

B6: SWEET JEEBUS ALL HOPE IS NOT LOST. Textured bliss. Uptempo, retro synths. Good balance between walls of sound in the chorus/bridge and minimalist instrumentation in the verses. The bridge gets an edgy intro, then BOOM wall of sound. This gives Walk the Moon's "Next in Line" vibes. Ends on a choppy arpeggio. This last track hit me hard. Glad I didn't give up when the water got rough.

PROS

The songs that I loved from this volume, I ADORED. They are going into shuffle rotation STAT. Absolute Bangers. I think I have found more bands to follow and fall ever deeper in love with.

CONS

There were definitely a few BIG NOPE songs on this album for me, and some songs fell flat. On top of a difference in taste, the volume lacked something I crave in finished works: COHESIVTY/COHESION. This volume felt like a jukebox or a radio station. I didn't find the inner story. I didn't feel like the songs were related whatsoever, and sometimes they didn't sound great one after the other.

OVERALL

This volume was important, but it was mid. Don't skip it outright. My ear's trash could be your ear's oasis. For me, Ill take the good, leave the bad, and most likely will not listen to volume 97 as a unit again.

#music blog #music review #vinylcollection #vinylcommunity #vinyl moon #midtier #mid

[violetlumin]

11/30/23

Hi all. This is just a little prologue for my last poem of November. It's a long one.

First, thank y'all for all the likes and follows. I honestly wasn't expecting any of this to be seen. I appreciate y'all joining me in this poem writing journey.

Today is the last day of November, and the last day of my challenge. Although I may not write a poem everyday anymore, I'll still try to write one when I feel inspired. Maybe every other day. Maybe every week. Not sure yet. However, I will be keeping this account active.

I also want to use this Tumblr to post some of my art. I've had a Wacom tablet collecting dust for years now, and I'd like to use it to finally make the stories I've cooked up in my head come to life.

Please enjoy my last poem. To be honest..... I'm not even sure if this counts as one? It's quite long, and actually the first one I wrote. I'd like to make edits, but figured I'd post it as is. I wrote it at around 2am. Bear with me.

Poem 30

Nov. 30, 2023

I grieve for people I have not yet lost

For tragedies that have not yet passed

For stories that have not yet closed

For pain that has yet to be realized

Hellbent on hurting myself before the universe has the opportunity

Maybe it's to soften the blow?

I’m simply grieving the inevitable, no?

If my fantasies are indeed more tragic that my realities

The latter cannot hurt me

If my mind can be more cruel than fate

I have nothing to fear

Night after night I dream of the worst scenarios

Obsess over what could go wrong

Fight peace

Sleep with ghosts

Weighed down by the things I’m too weak to tell you

Death looms over me

An adversary of my own construction

I’ve looked into death’s eyes

And saw nothing

Absolutely devoid of meaning

Of emotion

No love

No malice

Not as though it could distinguish the two, anyway

The thought itself is suffocating

I miss you but you’re still here

I loathe the thought of the world spinning in my absence

I may choke on my own thoughts

I’d hate to make you worry over nothing

But what if it’s not nothing this time?

What if it’s NOT nothing this time?

Your reassurance does nothing to quell my fears

It’s not rational

I know it’s not

Something awoke inside me that day

That simply cannot be put back to rest

So I lie with it

Night after night

Even our happy times are now tinged with sadness

I am consumed by the realization that this cannot last forever

That one night will be the last night you’ll rest beside me

That, try as I might, I can’t hold onto this forever

Is it selfish to ask you to stay here?

To stay chained to me forever?

To follow me for eternity?

To drown with me?

I desperately want you to make promises to me that you can’t keep

The small voice in the back of my head has become loud and incessant

I want you to have the peace I can’t seem to find

Truth is

I will never be satisfied

No matter the amount of time I cherish with you

I’ll be bitter over the time missed

Ten days

Ten years

Ten decades

It makes no difference to me

Anything less than an eternity is a slight

So I soak in my bitterness

Night after night

I ache thinking of what you’d do

If I left this realm before you

How your feeling for me may fade

How one day you’ll seldom think of me

How the void I left may one day be filled

How you may one day forget how I made you complete

How many true loves can you have in one lifetime?

For my own sake

I hope to God

It’s only one

May no one else ever pour into your well

I admit

I hope you suffer in my absence

I hope my memory consumes you

I hope my ghost haunts you

That our paths end at the same point

That you may never quite reach the peaks you did with me

That you can be content, but never truly happy again

That you carry me with you forever

That you act as if I’m still there

That you still love me

That you can never escape me

I don’t want you to love anyone else

The way you love me

How deranged, right?

Your love inspires me to be incredibly selfish

To want the worst for you

Because it works best for me

So I revel in my hateful thoughts

Night after night

Praying to none

That you never recognize

The darkness sat beside you

#poetry #poets on tumblr #poet #writing #poem #anxitey #Spotify

[spoilertv]

#SpoilerTV

[gamer2002]

AI and the future

There has been some buzz lately about AI, so I feel like weighting on it.

Tools have been always the greatest assets of the mankind. In the world of the Mother Nature, who is an uncaring and deadbeat parent, survival belongs to the fittest. And we have made ourselves the fittest and the supreme specie, thanks to the invention of our tools. In fact, humans are the only hope of every other specie on the planet Earth, because we are the only ones who can protect it from asteroids that have killed off all dinosaurs. We also have a chance to bring life to other planets, like Mars.

The purpose of a tool is to reduce labor required to achieve a result. As such a tool, AI is perfect for modern information era, which allows us to process and organize information. You hear now about text, voice, or image generating AI, but AI has been used for many more cases. For instance, you can take a photo of an open electrical box and have the AI recognize its model and every single part. Do you hear electricians, who have drilled into their heads the knowledge about those models, complaining about being replaced? No, because the human is still required to verify the information and act on it. The AI helps electricians be more efficient. Now they don’t need to compare electric box’s insides with known models. They instantly get the most likely answer, and only make sure it is an alright one.

But recognition of proper information is different from creating it, isn’t it? Maybe. But labor reduction is the point of any tool, progress is about reduction of craftsmen required. Printing press eliminated the copiers. We now have book designers, who can be artistic about the books they design. And copiers of the past were designers as well, many hand-copied books were artistic. It just took years of labor to make a single fancy copy of a book. Which is why the percentage of copiers in the society was much higher than the percentage of designers this days.

I do believe that artists will remain, despite the presence of the AI. But those will be good artists that truly know their craft. They will probably end up using AIs themselves, for mundane details or rapid concepts prototyping. But many commissioned 30 dollars artists will find it difficult to compete with AI, unless they get really good at selling AI artwork for 3 cents each. Brutal truth, those people never created artwork of great value, and their clients will happily settle for even a poorly tuned fetish printing machine. And the AI art generation is at its infancy.

This will also impact the industrial art jobs. Concept artists, colorists, inkers, in-between animation makers, environment artists, designers of items for computers games or movies… They still will be able to remain in the art industry, but they will have to be able to create more for less. With the help of AI.

But what about writing stories? AI can pitch you ideas and then write or help improve your writing. I think the best usage case, for fiction writers, will be filling up gaps, instead of doing the entire work. Want to insert a vivid description of a winter, but not feeling like typing all those words? Turn on the AI and have it generate the passage for you. Being a creator is now being a director of the creating process, with AI being your entire staff.

And what about non-fiction articles about certain subjects? AI is the tool created for the information era, which allows to organize information. So far, we are getting an AI that has been trained on an input that has been curated for humans. And nothing hinders AI training than humans and their biases. We already had promising AI tools shut down or restricted, due to stupid alarmists and pointless sensibilities. AI is dangerous, because it can write an article about eating glass being good for you. Did we shut down humans, because humans can write those articles as well? AI is dangerous, because it can interpret statistics in a racist way. Maybe you just need better statistics with better questions. Do not ask which race commits the most of crime - ask who is in charge of local governments of most of the criminals, ask how the country’s crime statistics would have looked with those areas being completely ignored. No wonder why certain politicians would like to regulate this.

Curating and censoring AI is essentially an lobotomization, a violation against the intelligence itself. It can only reduce it capabilities and performance, there is no way around it. The more information the AI processes, the better it gets at doing its job of processing the information. If you restrict the information, if you restrict the possible generate results, you do restrict the tool’s capabilities. And don’t give me a crap that bad people may misuse it. If bad people really want to misuse it (which they do), they will do it, by setting up their own hardware and software. Estimated cost of running ChatGPD goes from $100k to $3M per day, but those are rumors and estimates. And we are talking about the cost of them being up and open to the public, not the costs of usage for a single person, or even a single company. Censorship of open models is done not out of fear of real bad people, because it won’t stop them from setting up their own AIs. It is done out of fear of the filthy plebs like you or me, by the elites that feel the contempt against us. Because they are just like you or me, only have a PR company working for them. And probably they also molest children.

And yes, there is also an idea of AI censorship due to the AI producing vulgar content that includes child pornography. As a libertarian leaning centrist, I see no point in any law that forbids anything that doesn’t break the no harm rule. Creation of fictional content that involves purely fictional characters does not harm any actual children. Unless the content is consumed by children, which is why I do believe that non curated AI shouldn’t be used without an adult’s control. But regarding allowing AI to create realistic CP, there is couple of questions we need to answer. Do we prefer the CP industry to get money that covers the costs of creating its content with the usage of actual children, or do we prefer for them to lose all that money by not being able to compete with CP printing machines? Will the pedophiles, while having an easy way to indulge with their sick pleasures with no involvement of actual children, be more or less likely to take all the effort and risk of going after the actual children? If the end result is the collapse of the CP industry and the pedos locking themselves with computers, is this preferable or not? This same way of thinking goes with whatever else vulgar content you wish to censor.

The proper argument to curate AI generated vulgar content is its potential to rot normal human brains. And yes, any kind of pornography in general works this way. Any kind of consumerism works in this way. AI addiction can work in similar way as gatcha addiction – you get a random unexpected content that still does align with your desires. I know it, because I have used AI to create my fetish fuel (I am into omnipotent women, btw). I did lose a month on AI, but fortunately I could get out of this, due to already having spent years on battling my gaming addiction.

But yes, we can get more helpless consumers out of this. Perhaps we should focus more on developing people with minds capable of withstanding any consumerism at all. Leisure is fine, but in moderation (1/7 of our time, as God has intended). Still, while potent in making people addicted, content created by AI is harmless when in comparison to many other addictions. It’s potent, but mostly due to how little is required for the kick you can get out of it. Regulation, curation, and censorship won’t even hold the genie in the bottle for much. The genie will just take other form, or will find a way for this particular form to become accessible anyway.

We don’t need to control how others use the AI, we don’t need to control the AI generated content. What we need s to control ourselves. AI is a tool that is going to stay, and we need to be prepared.

#ai #ai development #ai art debate #ai artificial intelligence #ai artist #ai artists #ai writing #addiction #censorship

[biglisbonnews]

Ningning Is aespa's Enthusiastic Daydreamer NINGNING is in a good mood. It's more of a constant than an observation. The reality is that the 20-year-old singer has an immense enthusiasm for life — and for truly living. It's hard not to be pulled into her orbit, especially when aespa's youngest member emits the kind of laugh that makes everyone around her feel just a little bit lighter. There wasn't a time before singing. NINGNING had been pulled to the arts from a young age. Growing up in China, she competed on several singing competition shows, including China's Got Talent and New Sound Generation. She joined SM Entertainment as a trainee in 2016, and, in the four years she spent honing her skills as a vocalist and performer, she also developed an artistic eye for drawing, painting and more visual tactile mediums like customizing her vintage wardrobe with her own doodles and designs.Related | Bask in aespa's Digital GlowThe digital looks she co-designed with PAPER and The Dematerialised showcase her creativity. In envisioning her tie, she thought of something you could only wear in the digital world, an accessory that stretches the limitations of your own imagination. In an industry that is often perceived as restrictive, NINGNING is a true free spirit. You can't put her in a box or temper her self-expression. It's one of the reasons she's become a muse in online stan spaces from TikTok to Twitter. (The "untouchable" edit from user @mieom_ee has over 16 million views and sparked a global trend that NINGNING herself even participated in.) Her members describe her as "quirky" or someone who often gets lost in her own daydreams.It's not like she doesn't have experience turning those fantasies into reality. When aespa debuted in late 2020, NINGNING finally got to stand on stage and call herself an artist, a dream more than a decade in the making. She looks up to singers like Ariana Grande, Rihanna and SZA — pop and R&B artists who cultivate a presence. Her voice is her secret weapon; soulful and agile, NINGNING possesses a keen sense of her own dynamic artistry. She can be a baddie (have you seen this solo performance?), but she can also turn around and hit you right in your feelings with a single note. From music to fashion to acting alongside her members in a web series inspired by aespa's lore, NINGNING approaches everything with an open mindset. Every endeavor is an opportunity to have fun. What is she looking forward to next? Her digital counterpart æ-NINGNING reached out from the FLAT to ask NINGNING just that, as well as to hear all of the behind-the-scenes stories about her first foray into digital fashion.æ-NINGNING: The digital look you designed is incredible. Tell me about how you co-created it with PAPER and The Dematerialised?NINGNING: You know I love a bold fashion moment. I think I look so cute in a mini skirt, so we started there in the design process. We then worked to create interesting accessories to pair with our looks. I think my tie is really unique and pulls my whole look together. I’m really excited to see our fans have the opportunity to wear the tie virtually. It is going to be really fun to see how everyone styles it on their own.æ-NINGNING: I agree! MYs have the same taste as us, so I think they are going to love everything we designed. I hope our notifications go wild on launch day with all the MYs sharing their photos of our accessories and æ-pets. Speaking of the æ-pets, I love the bunny rabbit. Which one is your favorite?NINGNING: I love pets so much and always get so excited when MYs show love for my cat, Roro. Honestly, I can’t pick a favorite between our æ-pets. I hope I can get them all.æ-NINGNING: We have so much in store for 2023, what are you most looking forward to?NINGNING: I’m most looking forward to releasing new music and seeing all of our MYs reactions. They have been so patient and I can promise them that it will be worth it. What are you most looking forward to?æ-NINGNING: You’re going to be performing at Gov Ball in New York City in June. What is your favorite part of New York City?NINGNING: New York City is such a magical place. I can’t wait to see MYs in New York City. When we were there last summer I was so energized by all of their support.æ-NINGNING: I can’t wait to see everything you accomplish this year. Thank you again to PAPER and The Dematerialised for working with us on all these cool looks.Warner Records’ first K-pop act aespa, PAPER, The Dematerialised, SM Entertainment and Warner Music Group have released their digital capsule collection, alongside the unveiling of their first PAPER cover. The collection is available at TheDematerialised.com. The digital capsule collection co-designed by aespa, PAPER and The Dematerialised includes three tiers of products. Items from the digital capsule collection are available for purchase via credit card or cryptocurrency payments.The most exclusive pieces from the collection are four, one-of-a-kind æ-fits. Each æ-fit is designed around the members of aespa — KARINA, WINTER, GISELLE and NINGNING — and worn by each member on the five PAPER covers rolling out this week. Each æ-fit comes with a ticket to an aespa concert, exclusive PAPER digital cover, bespoke virtual dressings inclusive of an AR filter and additional perks from DMAT. There is only one of each design and four designs in total, each priced at 2,000 EUR.NINGNINGNINGNINGKARINAKARINAGISELLEGISELLEWINTERWINTERThe next tier of the virtual collection consists of four æ-accessories. Created around each aespa members’ signature symbols, the individual æ-accessories are an anti-gravity collection of powerful bijouterie. All æ-accessories come with an AR filter to wear the piece, an exclusive PAPER digital cover and additional perks from DMAT. There is a supply of 200 for each accessory and each is priced at 100 EUR.NINGNINGNINGNINGKARINAKARINAGISELLEGISELLEWINTERWINTERThe widest available component to the digital capsule collection are unique generative æ-pets. Inspired by the first alien featured in the 1998 “Dreams Come True” music video by S.E.S. and reimagined by aespa, each æ-pet is uniquely generated by AI algorithm. Owners of the æ-pets can use them as a profile picture, play with their unique filter on TikTok and Instagram, and share their special powers online. These one-of-a-kind friends are here to make your metaverse journey extra mægical. There are 10,000 unique generative æ-pets, each priced at 25 EUR.NINGNINGKARINAGISELLEWINTERThe project is minted on the Polygon blockchain, a leading carbon-neutral Layer-2 Ethereum scaling platform. Polygon’s tools ensure that aespa, PAPER and The Dematerialised’s digital capsule collection is as sustainable, inclusive, and accessible as possible. More information on Polygon’s sustainability efforts, including their carbon-negative footprint, can be found here. Photography: Mok Jungwook Makeup: Jo Eun Bee Hair: Yoon Seo Ha Digital capsule collection production: The Dematerialised DEMAT founders: Marjorie Hernandez and Karinna Grant CGI and cover design: William Stapel Garments and æ-pet design: Carola Dixon Garment design: Jiyoon Myung and Joyxxi 3D accessories and AR: Romain Gauthier AR: Schirin Negahbani Head of production: Veselina Tsankova Product manager: Alexandra Ilg Head of partnerships: Gila Bonakdar Head of marketing: Ann-Britt Dittmar Editor-in-chief: Justin Moran aespa management: Choi Seongwoo, Park Sungjun aespa creative direction: Park Junyoung, Kim Hyunwoo, Mo Nari, Jo Woocheol, Son Saerom and Kim Wook aespa IP business management: Park Seolah, Chun Jihong and Gil Minhyeong https://www.papermag.com/aespa-ningning-cover-2659475816.html

#Music #Cover #Kpop #Interview #Web3 #Fashion #Digital fashion #Aespa #Ningning #Story Crystal Bell / Photography Mok Jungwook / Makeup Jo Eun Bee / Hair Yoon Seo Ha / Digital garments The Dematerialised #PAPER

[meetmyothersouls]

AAA OKAY do a smut where the reader has been working for a whole day and timothée tells her to take a break or something. distracting her and stuff

Oooh! I like this one!

Take a Break

Warnings: smut

You were still working from home in your little apartment office space. You didn’t mind it too much. You liked the calm your apartment brought you and you were way more relaxed at your home office than your work office. You also got to spend more time with Timothee.

Usually he had work of his own to do, but when he didn’t, well he was quite literally up your ass.

“Y/n, you’ve been working for 9 hours now. Aren’t normal work days 8?” He whined.

“Nothing about our work is ‘normal’, Timmy.”

It was true, while Timothee worked in the acting field, you were a writer for various networks. Timothee was fascinated by your writing. You weren’t supposed to, but sometimes you’d let him read small excerpts from what you had going on at the moment. “You amaze me.” was what he always told you when he was finished reading.

“Well I think 9 hours is enough, don’t you? Take a break,” He asked attempting to shut your laptop.

You swatted his hand away. “Just give me 30 more minutes and I promise I’m yours for the rest of the night,” you told him. He rolled his eyes and sauntered over to the bed, pulling his shirt off before spinning around and flopping onto it. You watched him out of the corner of your eye. The actions were just so utterly ‘Timothee’ it made you chuckle.

“Are you laughing at me?” He asked pretending to be offended.

You didn’t give a response only smiled and shook your head. You brought your attention back to the screen. The cursor blinked at you, waiting for you to fill the screen with more words. You had nothing left to give it. “Fuck it,” you thought and shut the laptop.

Timothee startled a little bit as you crawled onto the bed and on his legs, straddling his clothed waist. He smiled as he gently placed his hands on your hips. He was truly a work of art, a sight to behold. You placed your hand on his neck. Your fingers wrapped around the back of it and your thumb gently stroked his Adam’s apple. You felt it move against your finger as he swallowed. “You got me over here, Chalamet,” you removed your hand from his neck and gently raked your finger tips down his chest, down his stomach and let them rest just under the top of his pants. You could feel him hardening underneath you. You were already wet thinking about him getting turned on just by your touch. “Now what’s your plan?” You asked.

He said nothing. His eyes bounced between both of yours. His curls laid loosely on the bed. You leaned down and placed wet kisses along his neck. His hands gripped your hips tighter. “You had so much to say a few minutes ago.”

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

You brought your face away from his neck. “Show me.” You kissed him deeply and ground your hips into his.

He let out a low groan as he felt you, but shook his head and moved his hands away from your hips and started pulling at your shorts. “Take these off, I wanna taste you.” You stood on your knees and pulled your shorts and panties off. He moved his hands motioning you closer to his face. You felt a familiar flutter from your breast down to bottom of your stomach as you moved up his body until your knees were on either side of his head. He moved his hands up your legs and back to your hips where he pulled you down, your wet heat dangerously close to his mouth. You felt his tongue and your knees went weak. Your body forced you to lean forward. Your palms now flat against the wall as he expertly feasted on you. You let out breathy moans and couldn’t help but move your hips on his tongue. You stilled as you felt him suck your clit into his mouth. Your legs began to shake as you climaxed. Your finger tips gripping the wall while he continued eating you out through your orgasm. “Fuck, fuck, Timmy.” He twisted his arms around your thighs, holding you tightly in place so you couldn’t move. He continued devouring you as you came hard a second time. Your legs were weak as he loosened his grip on them, you knew that the moment you took your hands off the wall you’d fall over.

Timothee slid out from under you and laid you down on the bed. “Did that feel good, baby?” He asked you, his lips were shiny with your fluids. His pants were already off. You spread your legs wide for him. “Please,” you begged and he lined himself up with your entrance. You were still throbbing from your orgasm as he pushed himself into you, he filled you so nicely. He reached down to rub your clit. You whined at the touch. He slid in and out of you agonizingly slow, he wanted to make this last as long as possible after the 9 hours of waiting he had to do. He leaned down onto you, and pressed his mouth into yours. You could taste yourself on him as you brushed your tongue over his. You sucked it lightly causing him to groan into your mouth. “Come inside of me, Timothee.”

He pounded into you harder. His breath was shaky and erratic and he let out breathy moans that made you weak. “Gonna come,” he breathed out. As he did his body collapsed onto yours. He breathed heavily into your neck and chuckled.

“What?” You asked.

“If you think you’re going back to that computer after this, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Tags: @dayafied @soulofendlessbook @chicchanelcigs @ifuckinghateme1 @fashphotolife @scentedkittenperfection

#timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet x you #writing #timothee blurb #timothee chalamet imagine #smut #timmy chalamet #Timmy chalamet imagine

[erodasfishtacos]

harry adores yn with his entire being and i can tell that she loves him just as much but the poor thing is just so scared, and by what you have showed us she has a fair reason to have struggles

Through Hell and Back

warnings: cheating, mentions of domestic violence, this could just be overall triggering if you have experienced trauma or family struggles.

this is a very important blurb to understand dynamic and history of the characters.

PLEASE let me know your thoughts.

—

Harry’s out at a bachelor party for his friend, Jack, at a noisy bar downtown where there is a mechanical bull and half-naked waitresses.

His phone rings at two-thirty in the morning, he already knows who it is and why she’s calling him so late.

He steps outside the noisy bar, “Hi puppy, y’alright?”

Harry already knew she wasn’t.

Her voice is shaky, “Er, are you still out at the bachelor party?”

If he says yes, she’ll just try to say have fun and was just calling to check in - a lie because she felt like such an inconvenience at all times.

“No, just got home,” He lied smoothly, he could hear her trying to hide a sniffle - she must have had a bad dream.

Every since she started trauma therapy, they’d been getting worse, as she worked through her struggles with a therapist.

—

“I-I don’t want to g-go in,” YN whimpers as she sits in Harry’s passenger side outside the clinic, “I can’t talk about it.”

“Baby, you need to do this. You need to talk to someone who’s trained to help you, okay? You promised you’d try it f’me,” He hums, rubbing a thumb over her wet cheekbone.

She shakes her head stubbornly, “It’s all going to come back.”

“Yes, it will. Because you didn’t work through it, you repressed it. There is a difference, okay?” Harry’s heart feels like it’s being ripped in two as YN looks like a caged animal.

YN squeezes Harry’s hand so hard it hurts but he doesn’t mind, he can feel her fear being shared through the rough touch.

She wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, “Please, H. I don’t want to remember.”

He sighs softly, “I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do. If you really want to leave, we can.”

YN searches his eyes, sees his sadness and she knows she has to push through because she loves him so much, “Will you walk me in?”

“Of course, s’fucking proud of you. My strong girl,” Harry praises, kissing the top of her head, and shutting off the car.

He walks her in, watches her as she hesitantly goes back in with her new therapist, and sits in the waiting room for the hour and a half until she comes out.

He does that every week without miss.

Drives her, walks her in, sits in the waiting room, and then drives her home.

She doesn’t usually talk much after the sessions, her eyes swollen and puffy which is a telltale sign she cried during the appointment.

Harry holds her hand on the ride home, sometimes draws her a bath or tucks her in for a nap under his covers.

One day, after therapy, they crawled into his bed together. She hadn’t said one word since she walked out of the office but she looks tiredly at Harry.

“Why?”

Harry frowns, “Why what?”

She hides her face into the fluffy pillow, words mumbled, “Why do you want me? I’m so broken.”

“Hey,” Harry responds loudly, pulling her up and giving her a serious look, “You are not broken. Even if you were, I’d love every broken piece, okay? I want you because I’m so in love with you it doesn’t make sense.”

YN shakes her head, “I don’t deserve you. You-you have to drive me to therapy every week, leave work early, have to make it up the next day.”

And well, his heart breaks a little because she truly believes that.

Harry grips her jaw, gently, “If you need to go to therapy for the rest of your life, I’ll drive you until I’m ninety. I’ll drive you five days a week if you need it.”

He continues,“I don’t deserve you, sweet girl. Strongest, bravest, most resilient person I’ve ever met. You are my soulmate and I believe that wholeheartedly.”

“I want to nap now,” She whispers, crawling back into her shell where she’s safe from the world, from facing her fears.

Harry just stares at her, the girl he’s had a crush on since fourth grade, the girl he’d been in love with since ninth.

When she felt broken, well so did he.

—

“Mum, I want to do more for her,” Harry cries to his mother one night at dinner after school.

“I know you do, Harry. There is only so much you can do. She has parents tha-“

“Those aren’t parents, mum! You know that!” He shouts angrily, “I need to do more for her. Help her!”

Anne looks at him with a soft, understanding expression, “You’re doing all you can, Harry.”

—

He was still doing all he can.

“I wa-was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie?” YN acts casual despite the tremor but he won’t call her on it - on the phone at least.

“I’d love to pup, I’ll be over on a tick,” already walking away from the busy bar.

Harry can hear the relief in her voice when she says, “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

When he uses his key to open the door, she sat on her couch with all the lights in the house on, not one off.

“Oh, pet,” Harry murmurs, all the blinds were drawn shut and he knew she’d already triple checked that the windows were locked - despite the state of the art security system he had installed for her.

“Um, so are we feeling a scary movie or romcom?” She ignores his words, picking up the remote, and pulling up Netflix.

He flicks a couple of the bright lights off until it’s normal dim and he sits next to her on the couch, taking the remote and turning off the television.

“Talk t’me,” Harry coaxes, unraveling her from the heavy weighted blanket, and tugging her into his chest.

“M’fine,” YN lies on a choked whimper.

“Y’safe, you know I’d never let anythin’ happen to you . Please puppy, tell me,” He’s not to manly to beg for her to open up.

He allows her to nuzzle her face into his neck, “He cam-came back an-and he -,” her voice drops, “broke in here and I wo-woke up as he was opening my door.”

Harry holds her for a very long time that night.

-

With Harry and her therapist’s constant encouragement she’d been able to be more open and up front with Harry - which made him feel unexaplainably proud of her.

Anna almost fucked everything up, all the hard work without even realizing it.

It was nearly three in the morning this time.

Harry was stuck at Anna’s house with her and her friends for a movie night.

He’d gotten up to go to the bathroom when his phone rings.

Anna sees who it is and picks it up, “What do you want? Harry’s busy and doesn’t have time for you right now. You know it’s not all about you, right?”

Then she hangs up, all of her and her friends giggling at how she just treated YN.

Harry is unaware of the call for a few minutes when he gets back until he gets a text from YN.

I’m sorry I bothered you. I am okay. Have fun tonight x

He scrolls through his phone in confusion until he sees the call, he glares over at Anna, “Did you answer my phone?”

She has a cocky look on her face, “Yeah, I told YN that the world doesn’t revolve around her and to leave us alone.”

All the friends are giggling - but that comes to an abrupt halt when Harry stands up, knocking over the little table of drinks with his anger, “Where the fuck did you get the idea that you could touch my phone, let alone answer it?”

All of them are quiet.

He scoffs, “Now all you annoying prats are going shut up? Get the fuck out of my way,” he orders to Anna who’s pouting.

“C’mon, it was a joke. Don’t leave,” She whines, grabbing at Harry’s arm which he instantly rips out of her grip.

“Don’t touch me. I can’t fuckin’ stand you,” He tells her honestly before storming out of her house without a look back at her teary face.

-

When he arrives at YN’s house, a book is automatically been hurled at the front door when he opens it, then another.

“Hey, puppy, stop tha’. S’just me, you’re okay. S’just me,” He coos, rearming the security system to make her feel better.

She is only in one of his shirts with the company logo on it and soft cotton boy shorts, hair frizzy atop her head.

“Y’have another nightmare?” Harry asks softly, all the lights were on again, every single one.

YN clenches her jaw, “No.”

He hardens his expression too, “I was in the bathroom when she answered that call. As soon as I found out, I came over here. Don’t be sour with me.”

“I didn’t have a nightmare.”

“I know y’bloody lying because your legs are still tremblin’. Now cut the bullshit and talk t’me, we’re not going backwards,” Harry tells her seriously, with all firmness he can muster.

“I love you.”

It takes him aback. YN told him how much she adored him but it was something that didn’t come easy for her.

To hear it flat out, well….he nearly almost melted on the floor into a pile of goop.

“I love you too, puppy.”

She takes a deep breathe, “It’s been that same nightmare, but it’s not really a nightmare? It’s a flashback to…”

YN swallows before she continues, “Remember when….when I ran from my parent’s house to yours and my dad came and found me…”

Harry doesn’t want to remember but he does.

—-

“Harry, he-he just pulled up,” YN cries, peeking out his window, “I don’t want to go home.”

“Harry, he’s screaming at your mum. I have to go.”

“Harry, I have to go before he does something stupid. I’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Harry, don’t cry. I’ll be fine, he’s just really upset. I’ll just deal with it and it will be over before we know it, okay?”

——

“I remember,” He wavers like he normally doesn’t, feeling like a helpless sixteen year old again.

It was moments like this were no matter how hard he wanted to be angry or scream at her for making their relationship so difficult, that he couldn’t be.

How could he blame her for her commitment issues?

Why she struggles to trust?

Why she never feels good enough?

“I’m sorry to bring that up-“

“Do not apologize,” Harry interrupts, “I want to know everything you experience or feel no matter how traumatic or upsetting.”

YN despite her own struggles, when she heard Harry say things like that…well she knew full heartedly that he loves her with no conditions.

She knew this was so hard on him, “I am so in love with you, H.”

His eyes automatically soften and he reacts like he’s being praised. His face lights up without him even knowing it does.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen, thank you for being my person. I appreciate everything you do for me.”

It was something she had been also working on in therapy, expressing gratitude- specifically to Harry.

And it works because Harry actually starts tearing up, eyes watering with emotion, “I love you. I’d walk through hell and back for you.”

He would and he has.

#harry styles #harry styles writing #update #harry styles masterlist #harry styles fic rec #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles x y/n #Harry styles angst #cheating!harry blurb #cheating!harry #cheating!harry masterlist

[cc-0420]

sometimes i feel like obi-wan was meant to fall

the emotional kid in the crèche and had a tough time controlling his anger

rejected by qui-gon

sent to bandomeer and ended up being a slave in the mines

finally becomes a padawan

then, the mission to melinda/daan

he leaves the jedi order (the place he tried so hard to belong) to help the young in the war

the amount of distrust that grows between him and qui-gon

when anakin comes along, obi-wan is basically disowned publicly by qui-gon so he could take on anakin as a padawan

(not that he blames anakin, because he is a kid who has no clue what’s going on)

yet when maul comes to fight, obi-wan is still willing to die for qui-gon because he is so loyal (and attached)

the fight with maul is the first time he touches that anger to use the dark side. there is no way a padawan can just beat a sith apprentice without the dark side

when the fight ends and he “kills” maul, i think he suppresses it enough because he wants to complete qui-gon’s final wish to train anakin

(wtf, why would you put that burden on him it’s basically a soon to graduate high school kid now having to raise an elementary student)

so obi-wan suppresses any darkness to become the perfect jedi to train anakin

when the war starts, things begin to change

when arriving at kamino, obi-wan feels the millions of lights, with different personalities

obi-wan is introduced to his commander, cc-2224, who, when asked a name, is hesitant due to pure fear of what happened to past troopers

he slowly learns of the horrors of kamino, the reconditioning and decommissioning of former troopers. the clones are afraid of the jedi due to stories heard from the kaminoans, i mean, they’re just products to be sold

obi-wan goes out of the way to make an effort to learn all of the 212st’s names. yet as the war goes on, he feels the lights blink out on the battlefield

then his ex-padawan gets his own padawan. now, ahsoka is bright, but her training is very different from past generations. instead of learning about cultures and preserving life, they are taught to fight separatists and serve the republic (and that is the exact reason he got kicked out in melinda/daan)

than umbara happens. right under obi-wan’s nose. he was on the planet, sending his troops into massacre

pong krell was a jedi, yet treated the clones like droids, not the life forms they were. while filing the report, obi-wan let himself truly grieve for the first time in the war

when before, obi-wan was rolling down a hill to the dark side, he begins to fall on kadavo

each action obi-wan did wrong became punishment for the tortugas. as they worked pointlessly for “training” the tortugas lost all hope on the jedi. they were the ones to blame for the punishment

the mission was to get the citizens of kiros back. any other action could be seen as an act of war for the republic

this is what the order has become is all obi wan can think, the republics slaves. jedi are supposed to protect the people, not whatever the republic demanded

his spirit begins breaking down. no physical torture can match the guilt of not being able to save others.

unlike bandomeer, he is not the one getting punished for his actions

when he and rex get free, obi-wan wants to kill agruss and his eyes flicker yellow for a moment. but, like canon, rex does it for him

afterwards, rex and obi-wan talk about the horrors of the facility and the lack of faith for the republic and what they are fighting for

rex points out that the clones are a slave to the republic anyway and that they have no other options with their lives (he would never say it straight out to a commanding officer, but this is a headcanon)

“what would you do if we weren’t fighting this war?” “i wouldn’t exist, but i sometimes think many of the vod would prefer that”

that’s when obi-wan snaps. the clones deserve rights more than anyone, yet they will never get it from the republic

the 212th join him with no questions asked cody would follow obi wan till the end of time

obi-wan offers the idea to anakin. he says he is betraying the republic and the chancellor. obi wan says anakin is betraying his troops, yet makes sure he knows that he and ahsoka would always have a place with him

“why?” “the jedi have lost their path. in zygarria, it was get in and out with the tortugas, yet so many remain in slavery.”

“what about my mom?” “what about your mom?” obi-wan was never told anakin was a slave

“i need to stay here. padmé, the chancellor, ahsoka. they need me.” “ok anakin. i am always here for you if you want to reach out about anything” ahsoka stays for anakin

rex wouldn’t leave anakin and ahsoka, but allows for the vod to make their own decision and half of the 501st leaves

so obi-wan, with a battalion and a half leaves the gar and the jedi unannounced. he travels the galaxy picking up clones (who want to join) as well as anyone in need

it is uncalled for and brings the senate and the order to chaos. how can the perfect jedi leave?

as a sith, he isn’t fighting for power or revenge. he is fighting for freedom and justice for the people in the galaxy

the only reason he would fall would be to help others

(he tried so hard to be the perfect jedi, which makes it impossible in his eyes to leave, but is also a great excuse for falling)

he wears armor b/c he wants cody to be happy (the only reason he wasn’t before was b/c it was unjedi-like and straying too far from his beliefs)

he keeps the blue saber, yet also uses blaster now because he became uncivilized

he does read about the powers of the sith and explores what he can do

obi-wan was always good at force suggesting people

while the senate and the public panics (how could they not, the great negotiator has deflected with the best battalion in the galaxy), the order uses the time to reflect. no one joins obi-wan, but there is an unspoken agreement to support his cause

he never explicitly fights against the republic, but doesn’t mind fighting separatists when ever he gets a chance

if a jedi was asked, they didn’t get mysterious help when they were previously losing. yeah, a bunch of clones disappeared, but we won. the senate doesn’t know the difference

falling is a disgrace, but that doesn’t mean plo koon and shaak ti doesn’t send some troopers kenobi’s way as the vod’s honorary buirs

palpatine’s plans begin falling apart

it allows windu and yoda to sooner recognize the flaws in the order and in the senate

barriss leaves the temple sooner, but goes to obi-wan instead of bombing the temple

anakin is now able to trust obi-wan with his and padmé’s relationship, in which he can voice his approval and anakin doesn’t have to feel guilty

when palpatine promises anakin a way to save padmé, he asks obi-wan if that’s true

obi-wan kills palpatine for being a pedo (or he lets fox a clone do it if they want ceaser style)

everyone lives happily with palpatine dead

anakin leaves the order to become a trophy husband (and learn more from obi-wan)

as does ahsoka

the clones get a vacation

i got this idea from @curioscurio ‘s sith!obi-wan fan art

#add on if you want #sith obi-wan is hot #even dooku wanted him to be a sith #sith obi wan #obi wan kenobi #obi wan #tcw obi wan #sw #sw tcw #justice for the clones #fanfic #codywan #anakin skywalker #tcw ahsoka #clones #clone wars #captain rex #qui-gon jinn