#and then had to trauma bond / hate each other for real LMAO

[yanderecandystore]

When the victim snaps

Male reader x yandere male bullies x yandere delinquent where male reader finally snaps at the male bullies and gives them a taste of their own medicine but nobody does anything to stop the male reader and the male reader goes to the male delinquent and has a heart to heart with him. Please and thank you.

[🍒🆚🍋] First delinquent introduction.

[🔥📣😑] Reader beats the bullies.

[💪💀🤟] Another one where reader beats them up.

[🌶️🧯😭] They get pepper sprayed by the reader (lmao).

Damn, they don't seem to catch a break, huh? I wonder how they feel about getting beaten up like this so often…🤔

This shit is a bit of a wild ride lmao, read at your own caution.

TW/Tags: There is a scene of a character destroying the area around them in a fit of rage, it could be triggering to anyone who has been in that situation before // Heart to heart conversation with an ex bullying victim // I'm telling you now, shit hits the fan at the end really badly (soft moment turns into very dark fit of rage) //mentions of: Bullying; victim blaming; past trauma; trauma bonding; burned skin (water burn); cursing; yelling at the reader; bruises/injuries; attempt to kill the reader; strangling; a very short fight; insecurities (inferiority complex, reader constantly feels weak) // corny and not proofread // Word Count: 6,483

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Someone who knows. [Yandere!Delinquent!Male!Oc x Bullied!Male!Reader - Oneshot]:

It wasn't something you ever did before, you never actually thought you were capable of doing something like that.

His laughter was probably the worst, because it felt that even in the safety of your home you weren't really safe. You could still hear his mockery, you could still feel the tingling sensation of your nose hitting the floor after being pushed around.

You could still hear Adrien yelling curses at you in the corridors while he gained a little audience watching you be tormented, you could still hear the nasty things he would tell you in private.

You're worthless, you're weak, you don't belong here, freak.

You're gorgeous like this, you're the answer to all this hell, you're too good to be real, freak.

Shoving him wasn't enough, telling him to stop, to leave you alone, wasn't enough. Saying you weren't interested wasn't enough.

You tried to ask for outside help, yet no one was able to properly help you… They all knew better than to mess with a Coldwell. Adrien would spend a few days ignoring you after being called out by a teacher, but he would be back at it with no remorse, feeling insulted that you had someone come over and mess with your "alone time" with him.

That's probably why you never asked for help, along with other reasons… It was insufferable having to deal with him in his little "jealousy" moments.

It was sickening. To have him act like you were a worm and then stare at you with those crazed eyes, hoping, yearning, eagerly waiting for you to reciprocate the violent feelings he felt for you. And in a way, you did…

But it wasn't with his burning passion and desire, it was with hate. Isn't this what he wanted?

Well clearly not. After a very uncomfortable situation behind campus, all alone with no one to see him forcing himself on you, you did the unimaginable-

You kneed him in the gut with enough strength to cause him to loosen his grip on you, but with that one hit, you started a fight that only aided in your own demise. With every hit you gave you received back in double, you don't know how the situation went from him forcing you to kiss him to now being beaten up by this lunatic.

It was like a dance of two imbeciles hitting each other senselessly, it was him trying to gain control of the situation, and you, trying to escape it out together.

The best part was knowing that despite his arrogant persona, despite his harsh words and constant need to reaffirm his position over you- You knew he was falling apart quickly. He wasn't acting like his usual calm persona anymore, he was acting like a wild animal as he threw you in the ground and got on top of you, seeing only red. You felt tempted into mocking him, but it felt really hard to say anything, he was squeezing your throat a little too hard considering the last time he did it.

Well, as disgustingly as it sounds, you bet he did it to get off in some sort of kink he had, you remember seeing how shiny his eyes looked as he strangled you for the first time, forcing you to say "I'm sorry for being a brat, Adrien!". All words coated in heavily fake submissive sweetness to the point of causing his teeth to rot- Just like he always wanted to hear.

But today he didn't feel like his usual self, his nails were clawing the skin of your throat with the actual threat of cutting it open. You started to find it hard to breathe.

Would it be too pathetic of you to call quits now? Was dying more honorable than giving up right now and trying to please the beast before it was too late?

"A-A- Ad-rien- S-S-Sor-" You tried, but the words weren't leaving your mouth, stuck at your throat just like all that sweet air you were already missing.

While you were starting to sober up from your adrenaline high he was still very much on it, he wasn't letting you go like he usually would at this time.

Normally, he would leave you almost unconscious, he liked to force you into getting dizzy so he could help you stand up and lead you to the way of his house…

Ah, what fun times. One of the many reasons why no one believed you was because you two were always seen together, hanging out at each other's houses- After all, it's normal for men to fight to the death like this, right? Totally just two bros chilling in the cold ground, 0 feet apart because they're not (gay) killing each other!

You were not feeling him loosen his grip at all… He didn't even seem to recognize you as, well, you. You couldn't breathe, and you were starting to see black around your vision, was this how you were going to go?

You fought back to the best you could, clawing his arms and trying to hit his face despite the uncomfortable closeness, he seemed to get more irritated with every meek hit you gave.

"I don't want to hear a word from you that isn't sorry. You better have a good apology for what you just did!" He said through locked teeth, fuming at the idea that you could have rejected him (again).

Today was an unusual day… Instead of going back to your puppy eyes, filled with remorse and fear of hurting his feelings- You stared at him with the same disgust you had when beating his ass. No fear, no guilt, not even sadness. Just anger, disgust. Might as well die with dignity today.

"This is your fault, if you just- If you just listened to me…"

He was starting to get lost at your lack of response. Or rather, your lack of submission to his madness, you haven't realized it before but- Was he always so dependent on your response to his abuse, to continue to do so..?

I mean, it probably was the lack of oxygen going to your brain, but you could have sworn he was starting to loosen his grip with the more you stared at him like that, so you continued to do so.

He tried to gain back his control, albeit to no success.

"You… You're too weak, you know that right?... If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't survive out there…!" Would you? Sometimes you don't know. He was right about the weak part, sure, in comparison to him… But if this was "living" then you didn't want to be a part of it at all.

"S-Stop staring at me like that-" Adrien let go of your throat to pull at his own hair, you took the opportunity to kick him off you after noticing you could breathe again.

You gasped for air and held your aching throat as if it was torn apart, and considering his sharp nails felt like little knives you wouldn't be surprised if they did cut your skin.

Adrien clinged to his stomach, you managed to hit him twice in the same place and it was clearly not going well for him. He was out of his little murderous rage for now, he stared at you still mad, obviously.

Although, somehow, despite everything he seemed a little more confused than actually really, truly mad with you. He was trying to get back to you, he would make you pay for what you did and what you said, and yet you didn't back down this time.

"I hate you!" It was simple, perhaps a little too on the nose… It somehow made him stop in his tracks. Okay, your voice sounded really awful and was coming out very dryly- It lacked the initial punch you thought it would have for finally telling him the obvious.

Still, his expression when you said that almost made you start laughing hysterically, his pained voice was the cherry on the cake of dumbfuckery.

"What… Did you say?.."

"Oh, I'll gladly repeat myself- I. Fucking, Hate you, Coldwell. And I'm done with your little games." You stepped forward, letting out all that you thought about him, you strided with confidence despite your aching, well, everything!

It was like seeing someone learn that actions had consequences for the first time, and you despised how his eyes seemed so genuinely hurt- How could he feel like the victim when he literally almost killed you?!

"Come on, where's all that fire you had five seconds ago? Where's the whole "I'll put you in place" shit you ALWAYS put me through? SPEAK UP-" Yeah, you don't know what came over you but, seeing him being the one to step backwards and cower from the shouting for once was pretty fucking magical- Especially since you were done with being in his position for so long.

You shoved him away when he tried to touch your arm, maybe it was a bit unnecessary but you wanted to make your point clear.

"Don't mess with me again, I'm not being your little toy anymore. I want you gone, out of my life." You said as you walked away, losing your balance ever so slightly after being kicked in the legs a few times.

He didn't dare to move, he fell to his knees as he watched you leave him behind, mentally spiraling at what you said.

Honestly, when looking back at him you almost felt pity for the way he looked lost, genuinely scared of you… But you knew better than to trust his pitiful eyes, trusting him would only lead you to your death, literally!

You lived in a not-so-welcoming part of town, the complete opposite side of his prestigious little habitat- And after things started to get worse you started to really appreciate your neighborhood for being a dangerous and very unpleasant place. It protected you from rich snobby people like him, and that's something you would always be thankful for.

You walked away a winner…? The sinking feeling in your stomach made you feel uneasy, there would obviously be consequences to your actions today… But damn, didn't it feel good to not be the only one going home wounded? Why did you feel so worried still?

Things weren't always so gruesome between you two, at first he would just throw casual insults or maybe put mean notes in your backpack, but after a few weeks he started to get ridiculously violent.

Shoving you down stairs after you said something mean in return, pulling your hair whenever you ignored him, attacking your insecurities upfront whenever you tried to have conversations with anyone, he even started to force you to spend time with him at his house- Which was somehow worse than being beaten up.

Being forced to stay in his room, while he went on his meltdowns over you not loving him like you should… Oh, how evil of you, not reciprocating his disgusting kisses after he slapped you over and over again- Yeah, right.

He was getting desperate, you knew that much, you didn't know why he suddenly went from a stereotypical bully to a creepy, dangerous stalker wanting to be your "boyfriend".

But things seemed to be going better for you now, at least in your neighborhood. You made an odd friend a few weeks ago, before things had gone to shit-

The fucked up part was that sometimes the things he would tell you, would end up being drilled into your head… Were you really being a bad person for rejecting him? Did you really deserve to be treated like this for rejecting him..? No…. Of course not… But sometimes that was hard to remember.

"Jesus Christ, you dumbass- What the hell did you do now?"

He found you once after you first got beaten up by Adrien, and ever since he sort of welcomed you inside his apartment, and he was always there to patch up your wounds.

Not without yelling at you first, of course.

"Sigh… It was that guy again… But it's fine, I'm fine…" Your throat was sore, the blood in your tongue was making it feel really dry. You craved water badly right now.

"What-" But before you could figure out what he was going to ask, you almost fell in front of him, losing the strength in your legs.

"Sigh... Come on, get inside already." He helped you get inside his apartment, well, technically it was sort of an abandoned building- It was turned into the safe ground of his little crew…

"S-Sorry.."

You sometimes wished you could be part of his gang, you expressed your interest to him many times yet he always told you no… It didn't seem right to him to let you in.

Was it because you were weak? Maybe you just wanted somewhere else to be with other people who wouldn't be Adrien. Even now your mind isn't entirely free of him, despite you physically being hidden from him.

You doubt a Coldwell would ever be interested in coming to a place like this, let alone to find you… You doubt Adrien would follow you here just to get back at you for your "disrespect", but then again, he has done a lot of crazy shit in the past few weeks.

"So… Are you going to stop with the mystery and tell me what's going on?" He wasn't the sweetest person ever, he wasn't exactly a good communicator, but this is the third time you show up with so many bruises, this has been going on for way too long, it shouldn't even be happening in the first place! And yet you still haven't told him exactly what he wanted to hear… Who, what, and when.

Jack helped you sit on his couch, the smell of mold that usually revolted you, was at least helping you feel more relaxed. His place usually brought you the sense of tranquility, which was weird considering you could hear people screaming occasionally around these parts, and you knew Jack wasn't exactly a saint by any means- But still, considering every other aspect in your life has been taken over by someone else, his apartment and presence alone made you feel a lot safer and "welcomed" than in your own house.

And you knew it left him feeling incapable of really understanding you, helping you.

Jack got up with a "tch", irritatedly walking away from you- Oh, there it is again, the usual routine: You first avoid telling him what happened, and he reacts by storming off into aggressively making something for you to drink or eat.

"Sorry, I'm just feeling a little dazed-" It was half true, considering Adrien not only almost strangled you to death but you were also starting to feel the headaches coming in.

It was his way of not throwing a tantrum by throwing a tantrum- Ah, but who you were kidding you knew he was very pissed off by your secrecy.

You weren't hiding Adrien's identity from Jack out of respect or "fear" for Adrien's well-being, but rather Jack's health and status being compromised by something that he isn't even a part of.

You were scared of what Jack would've ended up doing, you knew him for only a few weeks yet you already knew well enough to know things would get drastically serious- If the rumors were true, he would end up leaving Adrien in a hospital if not straight up sending him into a cemetery. Of course, you don't think he would go so far considering you're basically a stranger to him, but who knew, Jack was known for being quite the menace when the time called for.

Considering the Coldwell's influence they probably wouldn't take it well for their son to be attacked by a "lowlife" from the disgusting part of town.

Jack could be the leader of a small gang, a very well respected one at that, but that was nothing compared to the loads of money those guys had.

And that's not even mentioning the fact you didn't want to be in his debt. Maybe it was your pride speaking for you, but you felt like being hidden under Jack's protection would be… Pretty cowardly. He wasn't involved with this situation at all apart from taking you basically under his wing after he saw you wandering around the neighborhood with no motivation to go home, all beaten up and dirty, lost like a little puppy in the cold night.

It was the first time you two properly met, but you knew his fame very well, almost acting as the vigilante and taking full pride in being the one that actually gets shit done around this place. It's a shame all that power must come from some shady business, you prefered to turn a blind eye to those things.

After all, no one seemed to care other than him and his gang about the safety and well-being of the people who live in this dump.

Even so, you never wanted to bother him with your personal issues, they were too small in comparison to his, you imagined. And it's not like you had any means to repay him if you were to ask him for help, it would be too much trouble for him to protect you from someone like Adrien and nothing beneficial in return.

You didn't want to think about being in debt with him, this whole habit of taking care of your bruised ass after every beating was already too much for you- How would you even repay him for noticing your struggle in the first place, and wanting to lend a hand?

It wasn't exactly healthy but sometimes a trashy food from the right brand could put a smile on anyone's faces, and you knew damn well you were starving.

"Here. I know it's not the best but I didn't have time to really go grocery shopping today- Buck usually is the one to do it really..." He came back with a microwaved lasagna and a glass of water for you as he sat next to you on his couch.

It was awkward, as you struggled to eat- Not just because of your injuries but also because of his silent stare… You sometimes forget how this man isn't your mom, he is a literal gang leader, hosting you in his house and tending to your sorry butt.

"... Thank you for the food…" You thanked him, uncomfortable with the current silence, but he didn't do anything to alleviate the tension.

So he is your mom, but with nothing stopping him from beating sense into you.

It was infuriating to you. Why couldn't he just let you go already? Why did he have to make this so much more humiliating? You had the same age as him for crying out loud, yet he always treated you like a brat…

"You're welcome." Jack answered bitterly as he decided to grab an aid kit to treat your wounds. It was funny, he was mad at you for not telling him the full story, but instead of getting impatient with you, forcing you to speak up, or either kicking you out he still treated you like a child that needed assistance.

"... Ha… You know, you really don't have to do this if you don't want to." You let that out without much thought, just feeling anguished by always being treated like you're too weak to take care of yourself or accomplish anything.

"I know." And yet he didn't feed into your anger, he didn't give a reason as to why he was doing this nor did he acknowledge you scoffing and feeling pitiful for yourself. Treating you was more important than trying to argue with you right now, and that probably stung just a little more than being berated as a brat.

Just being ignored while having someone patch you up. Kinda like Adrien would ignore your negative reaction to his unwelcomed touch. It sickened you deeply to even remember that.

"... You did something, didn't you..?" Jack decided to push a little further to try to pry at least something out of you. You weren't acting like you usually did, apologetic, scared.

"No. You're very jumpy today though." He bandaged your arm with a little force, tightly wrapping it up to stop the bleeding. And then turning his gaze to stare into your eyes.

"What- Why are you asking that? Are you a psychologist now?-" You couldn't help but be sarcastic to his constant insistence in getting to know more about you- It didn't feel good to lash out at him, admittedly you felt a bad after the words left your mouth- It was as if you simply couldn't help it, his calm tone of voice mixed with the unpleasant pain of the alcohol he was rubbing in really overwhelmed you!

"You're acting like you're guilty." He smugly grinned at your reaction to roll your eyes at him. Today was a little too much for you, if you could, you wish you could just go to sleep already and maybe talk to him tomorrow- But to be fair you don't even want to see what will happen tomorrow.

… His distraught expression was stuck in your brain… Were you really feeling guilty about what you did..? Why?

"Hmf… It's the worst part, I know. But you get used to it…" Jack took note of your condition, so he decided to try to speed up his little care routine before you started to nag him…

"God fucking damnit-" You snarled at the burning sensation of your wounds being cleaned off.

But instead of getting pissy, or just wanting to storm off to deal with these by yourself- You just started to tear up.

Well, he didn't think it was hurting that badly, maybe he doesn't know how to be gentle or-

"... Why…? Why- Why do I feel bad..?" It was all you asked without really expecting an answer. Not looking at him as you started to hold your hands into tight fists trying to hold it in to the best you could. It didn't work. The tears just kept on going.

"Because they convinced you that you're the problem." Jack stated without much thought, it was as if he already knew what you were thinking about, despite you never telling him what happened.

After a few seconds of silence, you did get your answer though.

"You tell them to stop, they don't listen and make you feel too weak to say anything else again. You lash out and suddenly you're the monster. It doesn't matter who did what first, the people will only listen to the "good guy" in the story."

You didn't really know what to say, you really didn't expect him to just openly talk to you like this. Jackson was always such a "go get them" type of guy, he always seemed so sure of himself that even if someone were to hurt him he would give them back tenfold. He didn't take anyone's shit, and although he never really said it out loud… You wondered if you seemed weak to him in comparison.

"I've felt like that once, guilty for hurting someone who harmed me first… Guilty of feeling good about it, guilty for not doing it sooner…"

He never made you feel like that, at least not directly, nor intentionally- But sometimes it felt like you would never be able to stand your ground like he does, taking blow after blow without caring for how it hurt him… Look at you now, you fought back but you are more bruised than Adrien is.

"I remember when you first told me you were being bullied, when I first saw you I thought I saw someone familiar. You remind me of myself before I got this." He put his right hand over his scars, those damned burned marks that only a devil could have made.

"... When I felt guilty, I tried to make amends with my tormentor… I tried to "compromise" with him, to be what he wanted me to be… But because I lashed out one day, you can guess what he did in return..?"

Staring back at you, unblinkingly as it was quite obvious what he was implying. You felt a bit uncomfortable by the way he would approach your face and whisper in close.

"It hurt. It hurt so much that I don't even remember who sent me to the hospital that day. All I remember was the psychotic laugh of that son of a bitch."

Sighing, he distanced himself from your face, giving you a little more space as he finished with your arm.

The way he would just casually chuckle about it was very concerning, he didn't seem to want to talk in detail about his past but you understood something from it at least- That maybe he would understand you a little better than you initially assumed.

"... Well, I don't know what happened or what you did, but looking at your state now I feel like you really shouldn't be so hard on yourself- Hell, there's someone out there who clearly already makes your life hard enough."

"... I-... E-Earlier today…" You tried to start your story, looking at him for any indication to continue.

And just like before, he wouldn't force you to tell him, but as he got up to treat your face as you laid your head on the couch- You noticed he was paying attention fully, not wanting to intervene in your moment to speak up.

""Kinda forced"." Jack took personal offense to your choice of words, he didn't say anything but you noticed him frowning as he pushed the cotton drenched in alcohol to the cuts in your face.

"He… sigh... He- Kinda forced me to kiss him-" It felt weird saying it out loud, it was something that generally happened between you and Adrien quite a lot… But it felt weird to finally say that… You felt like it was something embarrassing to confess to.

"Ow-! And then I rejected him- Like I always did…!" You closed your eyes, feeling him put bandaids in your face.

"Hmm." Was all the motivation he gave you to continue.

"And then… He decided he wanted to force me again in the more isolated area of the campus and I… I fought him.."

"Hhm-" You could tell he was amused, you heard him chuckle to himself.

"You showed him his place?" Victims of bullying getting their revenge was Jack's favorite kind of gossip, and you couldn't really blame him as it did feel cathartic.

"... It was awful…!" You laughed it off, remembering how awkward it was to fight someone for the first time, delivering punches was not as easy as taking them apparently.

"Yes..? I.. kinda don't understand what happened back there…" Remembering that scene well, could you really consider what happened as a win..? You weren't sure..

"Why not?" You've sparked his curiosity.

"I don't know, he kinda just looked lost after I told him to fuck off and leave me alone. I said I hated him and he just didn't do anything else." You managed to make Adrien speechless, it was a miracle on itself- But would that really be enough for him to fully stop? You kinda hope so because you weren't ready for what else could happen tomorrow when you go back there… Ugh, you can already tell people are going to be talking about you two, as the only two who look like they were severely fucked up.

"You know what, I think you did the right thing telling him off. Even in the smallest forms you didn't back down even a little for him. You know that makes you a strong person, right?" He petted your head.

"Hmf, aren't you a heartbreaker." He teased you a little.

Well, it could come off a little patronizing but good lord did you miss hearing backhanded compliments, shit this wasn't even backhanded, it actually did make you feel better.

He let you stay in his apartment for the night, you were really injured to go back now, and knowing Adrien he would probably find his way into your house…

Hearing you were too weak and pathetic everyday sometimes made you think you really were those things.

Should you have told Jack about this? About this little, tiny detail of your situation..?

That you were scared of going back home now and facing the possible consequences of your actions?

No, there was no way Adrien would be waiting for you there. He… He wouldn't. He would normally go to your home on Mondays after classes, "walking you home" as he would call it. And he only brought you to his home on Fridays so you could spend time in his house during the weekend…

"You're still very worried aren't you?" He threw popcorn at you… It was weird laying on his couch so casually like this, watching a movie and eating popcorn with a guy that basically was the most feared individual in your neighborhood. Laying your head on his lap probably wasn't helping the absurdity of it all.

It was a Thursday!- Surely you weren't completely deep into shit, just knees deep!

He didn't leave you any other choices though, and you were too tired to care.

"What gave you that idea?" Said you, the "master at hiding emotions'.

"You're biting your nails." Said him, the "master at recognizing emotions. You two were just sharing the same brain cell at this point.

"Look, it's just- I never actually fought back before, and I just know he'll fold me like a piece of tissue and sneeze on me-" You got up to sit next to him, unable to feel relaxed in a time like this.

"That's very specific-" Jack stared at you in disgust for the words that just left your mouth.

"-I don't know what I'll do when he just shows up again tomorrow and if he'll get worse or just-"

"I could help you if you want." He offered as you started to spiral down, he offered like he always did, despite always knowing your answer.

"But how will I ever deal with him if I can't handle myself?" You questioned without expecting a real answer, and yet, you received one.

"... You don't have to handle it by yourself. Honestly no one does-"

"Ah… Is that what this is all about?" He smiled amusedly as his assumptions about your stubbornness were true. It is infuriatingly adorable, if not really sad…

"You did-!"

You just rolled your eyes, great, now you'll never hear the end of it.

"It was because there was no one else there for me, [Y/n]. I didn't have anyone to rely on when this shit happened to me…" Jack petted your head again, ruffing your hair, you stayed quietly pouting.

"..."

"Oh, don't you dare- Just because I think it's nice that you get to deal with your shit alone, doesn't mean I idolize you-" Yep, he wasn't listening to you as he continued to pet your head, not caring about your sour attitude.

"... I didn't know I was such an inspiration for you."

Well, at least he did make you feel a little better.

"Thanks… For taking care of me, and helping me out so much… Honestly I wouldn't have survived Adrien's recent tantrums if it wasn't for you-"

"You're okay?-" You looked up at him and almost had a heart attack at that seriously scary looking mug he had on his face.

"..." Jack's silence caught you off guard, he stopped touching your head immediately.

"Jesus CHRIST dude!! What happened?!" You started to drag yourself through the couch to create a healthy distance from the man, who was looking at you as if you had offended him, his family, and his entire bloodline.

"Adrien..? Adrien Coldwell?" He asked, calmly.

"It IS the Coldwell, isn't it?!" Jack was starting to raise his voice, and you weren't sure if he was mad at you or at Adrien who he seemed to know… really well?…

"I.. I didn't say his last name-"

Oh.

Oh no.

"God fucking damnit-" [Y/n]. He didn't say it, but you could tell that he was mentally adding your name at the end of the sentence.

"Jack, wai-" And before you could bring him back, he was already storming off to his bedroom to grab a pack of cigarettes.

"God, FUCKING DAMNIT-" Where the fuck were those cigarettes.

"I-I- I'm sorry?!" You started to apologize without realizing, perhaps mentioning Adrien's name wasn't a good idea, but how would you know he was the same person to cause that burn on Jack?!

Oh yeah, you were in the apartment of a gang leader known to be pretty violent- You suddenly remember what being afraid was like!

Fuck, you really don't want to deal with another person's meltdown, yeah that's a pretty selfish thought to have but this was bordering into dangerous territory.

"GOD, FUCKIN, DAMNIT!!-" You couldn't see him, but you could tell he was throwing things around his room. Drawers were being thrown in a frenzy as he the man just wanted his damned cigarettes already.

Maybe it wasn't a fair assumption, but the You Know Who Guy made you witnessed some pretty fucked meltdowns and although you can't blame neither of them (technically) for feeling emotional and needing to let it out, you really didn't want to be the stress ball for someone else's aggressive coping mechanisms.

"Why, didn't you tell me, when I FUCKIN ASKED YOU-" Fuckin finally he found them!

"I-I didn't know he was the same guy who HURT YOU!!" Shit, the fuck he was mad at you about?

"WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME?! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO!?!" And as you screamed back he came to his bedroom door, looking just as crazy as he was before hand, cigarette in mouth as he started to play with his lighter to try to calm down.

"HURT ME? HURT ME?! WHO CARES ABOUT THAT NOW– GOD, DAMNIT [Y/N]!!" He yelled out from his room, struggling to light up his cigarette with the lighter he always leaves in his pocket.

"Mad at you..? No. I'm not mad at you." Well, goddamn! Could have fooled me!

He didn't answer right away, instead opting to inhale that nasty shit before saying something he would regret. He was physically incapable of staying still, walking from side to side, trying to rearrange his words in his mind.

"..." He rested against the wall of the living room, he wasn't looking at you as he was too busy thinking about the ridiculousness of this situation.

"No… I'm not mad… I'm fuckin ecstatic…!" He laughed, a pained laugh, it seemed like it didn't matter where he went, or what he did, or who he became, he would always have that looming shadow over him and over the people in his life.

The guy that fuckin marked his skin for life was the same son of a bitch that was messing with you since long before you met Jack, long before the beatings started… Question is, did Adrien know about your little friend? If he did, that could explain the sudden need to reinforce his hold on you… How fuckin hilarious.

But this time he wasn't the target, right? Adrien wasn't messing with you to target Jack, after all you guys only know each other for a few weeks, and you have been dealing with the Coldwell for at least two months.

Ah, he could see it all now, you have become the new sensation, haven't you? Sucks for you, really, he feels sorry for you…

God why didn't you tell him sooner you fucking dumbass…

You were sitting there still like a statue, looking at him for his every move for a good ten minutes as he was too busy dealing with his own thoughts on the matter. He didn't realize how scary he must have come off to you especially after you already went through such a hard experience.

Jack was looking to the horizon of his own living room, thinking about the situation with a wide grin. He was about to tell you the crazy plan he have come up with but as soon as his eyes landed on you, he realized what he did.

"You know, I'm being really unfair… It's not your fault this happened, none at all. Although things could have been avoided if you told me who was bothering you from the beginning- Honestly we wouldn't be having this conversation right now." He walked towards you, slowly, you tried to shuffle away as much as you could but you froze when he sat next to you and put his hand on your shoulder.

He didn't like how he scared you to the point of staring at him like that, as if he was a monster. But he didn't seem bothered by it.

".." You weren't sure of what to tell him- You didn't know how to respond. What the fuck was going on?! He wasn't blaming you for suffering all this time, but goddamn was he terrible with his words.

"You wouldn't have stood up for yourself if I had interfered… And although I disagree with your decision to hide his identity for so long- Sigh I can't be mad at you taking it to your own hands. I'm really proud of what you did." He shook you a little, trying to hammer in his words as much as he could- Because let's be frank here, he was calm now but still seemed very, very pissed off.

Or his way of saying them.

"Now… I think that you should go to sleep, and in the morning we'll fix this shit right up."

"Now, before you do something stupid, I want to make one thing clear. You're sleeping in my bed today, you're not going home tonight. It's dangerous outside-" And inside as well!!

"Ok-Okay then?-" You got up as quickly as you could- He forced you back down on the couch.

"-And you're also going to tell me, in the morning of course, not now, everything you didn't tell me that the Coldwell did to you. We'll just take notes, and we'll make a plan for what we'll do tomorrow, alright?"

"Don't worry I didn't fuck up the bed, the floor is pretty messy though. I'll sleep on the couch. Welcome to the fuckin gang, [Y/n]."

Calm, commanding. Very polite yet such a dominant way of basically scaring you into staying the night with him here.

He petted your head trying to bring you back from your terrified state, well, shit, he fucked that up badly. You probably would never forget how he gets when he is mad, but let this be a small lesson to you, to always tell someone who knows how to deal with bastards like Adrien.

Jack will deal with Adrien just fine, as he already got the most precious thing from that spoiled prick sleeping in his bedroom tonight.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#submission #yandere #yandere oc #choco stuff #yandere x reader #yandere bully #special delivery request #special delivery oneshot #a sweetheart submitted: #yandere delinquent #yandere delinquent x reader #yandere male #male reader #yandere x reader oneshot #not proofread

[sonicasura]

My goodness, would the Ink Demon hate Shockwave. He'd remind him of the Keepers, especially with how emotionless he is and what he does. Shockwave would be the only bot to really unnerve him, considering the trauma he faced at the hands of Wilson and his Keepers. He'd also probably despise Starscream, considering how he kinda sounds and acts like him too. (Seriously, Wilson kinda gives Starscream vibes.) Both are also on his shit list.

Another bot that reminds me of a Bendy character would be Bumblebee, who reminds me of toon Bendy. Optimus can kinda be compared with Henry. Airachnid would most definitely remind the Ink Demon of Alice, so she'd also be on his shit list. Ink Demon and Arcee bond over the shared hatred of the spider, lmao.

Bendy absolutely loathed Shockwave even more than the Keepers. He can at least manipulate them to some degree unlike Shockers who wants to dissect the Ink Demon. The mad scientist's interest in Bendy is as bad as his obsession with Predacons. Even moreso when he's shown footage of his 'Assimilation' ability on the bots or Raf.

Starscream is a 'spineless Wilson' in Bendy's opinion but still on the shit list. The Ink Demon tends to wind up joining missions from time to time. His reasoning being either restless or blow off some team when he actually cares for the group. (Man is a tsundere I tell you what. He would also state it weirdly like 'Optimus, don't make me drag you into the inky pits to keep you alive.')

Bendy encounters the other Decepticons due to this so it is no surprise he loathes Airachnid. Considering his throne in BATIM had Alice Angel halos on it, then he absolutely tore off a piece of the spider bitch for himself as a sick irony. You should see them play Cards Against Humanity from the wild shit they negatively make about her.

Bendy does see that innocence Bumblebee shares with his character's original portrayal. You can say both were at each other's in the beginning since not only was it a sore spot but he was genuinely paranoid about being replaced. Optimus is a somber reminder of the real man he would truly never meet.

The Henry in the Ink Machine may be identical but he isn't the original. Joey's repeated narrative pretty much wreck any chance of a normal talk. Optimus is like if Henry lost his compassion for his hobbies. The man tries to relax but whatever nonsense about how a leader should act holds Prime back.

Bendy often takes Optimus stuff or interrupts with a simple request so the mech doesn't fully kill what remains of his true self.

#sonicasura #sonicasura answers #asks #anonymous #maccadam #transformers #transformers series #transformers prime #tf #tf series #tfp #bendy #bendy series #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #batdr #batim #bendy the dancing demon #ink demon bendy #bendy the little devil darling #ink bendy

[moralesmilesanhour]

I feel like how they handled George and Gwen was so weird because he lets her go in the comics and gets fired because he refuses to pursue the spider-woman case any further. I guess they needed reason for why Gwen is in the spider society and that was the easiest thing to do. she’s so watered down in the spider verse partially because I suspect her inclusion happened because Sony wanted to appeal to the “girl demographic” and didn’t trust miles to pull people in by himself (let’s be real people hated his ass. They called him “Peter Darker” because he was too much like him, but in the same breath criticized his story because he didn’t suffer enough)

I’ve been reading her comics and I really get why she was a fan favorite. She’s so well written and you can feel that peters death really haunts her and informs pretty much everything about who she is. It’s like they replaced the emotional turmoil she had for peter with miles, which doesn’t work because they don’t know each other. Actually it’s not like; the intro drum solo was in the comics and it WAS about peter lol

I don’t know, I’m neutral on gwiles but I think it would be a much better resolution if they called it what it was—two incredibly lonely characters mistaking a platonic connection for a romantic one.

Honestly I have little else to add; I agree and thank you for bringing in the perspective of a comic book reader which I am not (but trying to be lmao).

I think the idea of replacing Gwen's Peter w Miles precisely gets at why their romance feels more like a trauma bond than any genuine romantic chemistry to so many people.

In terms of appealing to wider audiences, I wish the writers or whoever was responsible for that decision would have more faith in the characters they created and go all the way; the popularity of characters like Miles should've told them that they didn't need to attach his arc to that of a white person for people to be interested in his story. I hope that as they continue the process of writing btsv they see that and start acting like it

#asks #blabbering

[vvindication]

6 7 14

Cursed and deranged fanfic writer Q&A THANKIE CHARLIE !!

6. What nasty/evil/maladjusted character traits do you enjoy exploring in your little meow-meows?

I love detached and unhealthily attached characters. they need to be desperately dependent on something fragile so I can be mean to them about it, or have already had that happen so they dont trust anything anymore. maybe a bit broad but its my favorite way to create character growth, especially when a pair of characters are hopelessly relying on each other

7. What's the gnarliest physical injury you have written in detail?

Ive written A Lot Of That but nothing public I dont think? its hard to gauge which was gnarliest because I dont go for excessive gore and a lot of them Ive written a long time ago, but I do like being detailed with my awful injuries !

guess I'll go with my current wip where my disco guy Travart loses an eye via gunshot, that one's pretty physically traumatic and recent in my mind. I started working on it right before my surgery and now I have a better real life experience for that process LMAO

14. What's your favourite way to emotionally destroy your favourite character?

I could almost settle for anything. that one person who became a widespread tumblr meme for wanting to take people's characters away for being cruel to them would hate me. if I had to choose one uhhhh

complex relationship drama. not the classic love triangle shit but things like exploring characters' past relationships from a future perspective, characters struggling to define how they feel for others, BONDING THRU TRAUMA !!!!!

#vvin babbles #arcadegannonenthusiast #charlie

[futurefind]

//Thinking about j.jk sa. Thinking about all her isms reflect a bunch of other characters' and/or their arcs, or otherwise being able to feed into hers and vice versa.

Thinking about how Yaga (for thematic & narrative sakes) likely was the one to find/recruit her and became her first real parental figure in forever. Thinking about how she has no idea how to be parented anymore and the most overt bonding they did was probably via helping him caretaking over his sapient curses (completely oblivious to how she, in multiple ways, is Panda's eldest sister lmao).

Thinking about how a very formative and emblematic experience it was to lose Haibara months into her first Real social/communal experience. Thinking about how she's so used to trauma and bad at communicating she wasn't able to support Nanami with her experience / vice versa. Thinking about how she's so full of love and care she missed Nanami as soon as he left the sorcerer world, but she's Her so she never got to tell him that. Or how she's an elbow-deep workaholic for all the best and worst reasons (vs his strict scheduling), and with the distance of time it's likely Nanami no longer has the means to know how poorly adjusted on every axis she is.

Thinking about how she could both deeply understand Geto's ideals before and after his fall, and likely could've helped him from falling with that understanding and support... if they'd ever communicated about it. Thinking about how the only real difference between them and their (initial) hopes in humanity is that Sasume always knew how evil humans could be and believed in the good anyway while Geto had to learn their evil in the hardest way possible and lose his belief in humanity's goodness all at once.

Thinking about how she could, in a very similar, but also exponentially different sort of fucked up, way, understand Gojo's isolation and distance from others based upon others' propping him up on an alienating pedestal his entire life and that pedestal being absolutely fucking deserved to his own detriment— it's just that hers was in exact opposite flavor.

Thinking about how she and Ieri wind up being the last men standing (of the Tokyo alum/adults), and how that's the worst fate for either of them. What's the point of a doctor without patients? A savior without anyone to protect? How each other's presence is less of a bastion of relief, and more of a graveyard of guilt— because Sasume couldn't protect anyone of the ones they lost out in the field, and Ieri couldn't save them after the fact. Or how Sasume very much hides her wounds, of every kind, as much as she absolutely can, while Ieri silently tallies all of the scars— especially the ones that Sasume hid or lied upon and kept Ieri from helping with.

Thinking about how Sasume is very much A MomTM, and that's exactly why she both stays with the school to help the students and never became a firsthand teacher. How much she could understand Yuji's heart and hate how much he lacks self preservation (like she does). Or how much she could relate to Nobara's growing up in the middle of nowhere among judgemental pricks (notably, with Nobara lacking her insecurities) and being, crudely put, feral bastards perhaps too well-fit for the life of sorcerers.

Thinks about how, as a baseline, Sasume's primary traumas and core of her characters are rooted in abandonment and loss. How much she would do and does do whatever she can to protect not just who she holds dear, but who others do.

Thinks about how jjk Sa is all but guaranteed to lose everyone, regardless.

#mun babbles // #DO NOT REBLOG // #meta // #meta // sasume #about // sasume

[gggoldfinch]

its so funny actually when i say i have father issues people assume the sexual thing and the dependance and im there foaming at tge mouth and growling like bitch i have ANGER issues, can't regulate emotions and have avoidant attachment syle apparently. None of those things would be fun in bed or relationships.

It's just amazing how one man can cause trauma and a whole lotta others stem from that . Tism be damned.

LMAO SO REAL

I have daddy issues mainly bc my dad was really young when he had me and then was forced to get jobs that made it so he barely ever had time to bond with me past young childhood/ that fundamentally changed him as a person for the worse to the point where I never want to be like him now?? along with a lot of generational trauma baggage he's projected onto the family…

my mom (also has daddy issues) got with a younger guy (my dad) (he looked 17 when they met tbh, but he was 22) so we always make fun of each other because i've always had eyes for significantly older men and she's always had eyes for younger men. Not to prove Freud right (fucking hate that he always comes up in my life LMAO (long story)) but I tend to look for older father-type figures in men (getting attached to teachers, crushing on older celebs, etc) because my brain is fucked and seeks validation and “protection” from older, more responsible, experienced men 😮‍💨👍🏻 which is gross and yucky but also ahhh dreamy

But yeah it always kicks me in the ass when I realize I am A LOT like my dad in both the good ways and the bad ways 💀 like bro… lmao

Anyway yeah I have a really complicated relationship with my perception of men and my sexuality (or lack thereof?) and it affects how I interact/ go about my social life. Also the neurodivergency doesn’t help at all lmao. A guy was hitting on me the other day and I didn’t perceive it as flirting until I consulted my friends to double check (because I can’t read intentions when they’re aimed at me) and when it clicked he was flirting I was like Oh Um………..No ❤️

#anon ask

[bulkhummus]

the ambiance in the archive kitchenette is bonkers i reckon // a jonmartim commission for the lovely @grimniknil ♥️

#we could of had it all #if they liked eachother even remotely in the actual podcast lmao #the one thing i wish is that they were all a little friendlier before it all went to shit #its remarkably funny that they all kind of just has a surface level friendship that u habe with ur coworkers #and then had to trauma bond / hate each other for real LMAO #but i think i would have been a tiny bit more emotionally invested had they been friendlier ? #you know what i mean? #i adored the show dont get me wrong i just have Thoughts haha #anyways enjoy this! was fun to draw ♥️♥️♥️♥️ I love tim so much hes so fucking funny and Hot™️ #tma #jonmartim #timothy stoker #jon sims #martin blackwood #the magnus archives

[miraculous-clowncar]

clowneyyyyy have you seen kuro neko yet??? I'm so angry at how little appreciation ladybug has for chat like why do the writers hate her so much

(sorry, I've been caught up in life atm so I've been pretty absent) I'm going to be honest, the blatant disregard for nuance in this fandom is getting exhausting. Both Marinette and Adrien are experiencing a lot of growth this season, which means that we're going to see their flaws.

There is no "good guy" or "bad guy" in this scenario. It's simply two people struggling with managing the personal challenges they're facing in their lives and these challenges negatively impact each other.

The two main sources of conflict in this episode are Ladybug's ambivalence towards Chat Noir and Adrien's sense of identity being contingent on how much Ladybug needs him.

Keep in mind, this episode takes place after Ephemeral. This means that, not only is Ladybug still on edge after everything that happened in that episode, but that is now compounded with her trauma from Chat Blanc (note: @gentil-minou did an awesome meta on this in this post and I highly encourage everyone to read it). Not to mention, she's had plenty of close calls this season: Shadowmoth has found out the identities of some of the miraculous holders and targeted them, including Nino in Optigami and Alya in Sentibubbler. This means that she has to place all of her attention on reinforcing her team and not showing any weakness to Shadowmoth; she's not really in a great headspace to deal with Chat Noir's feelings (which, as we now know, aren't as trivial as she initially perceives them to be), because everything else is much more pressing to her.

This episode was essentially the Ladrien parallel to Marichat's dynamic in Glaciator 2.

Throughout Glaciator 2, we have Marinette and Chat Noir being the versions of themselves where they are at their most natural (not to be confused with their "true selves"); Marinette learned that, instead of getting caught up worrying about what could go wrong, it's much more worth it for her to take the risk of being vulnerable to strengthen her relationships, all while Chat Noir learned how to communicate with Ladybug about her boundaries. Marinette was comfortable enough around Chat Noir for her to relax and be vulnerable with him, and Chat Noir sees this and finds himself absolutely endeared by her.

In Kuro Neko, similar themes are further explored with the opposite dynamic. Ladybug learns a lesson in relationship maintenance, and Adrien starts to find his footing in establishing his own identity.

Plagg brought to Ladybug's attention just how out of touch she is with Chat Noir, and how she's made little effort to address the growing distance between them. While it's understandable that Ladybug has a lot on her plate from guardian duties, she absolutely has been using it as a crutch to avoid an uncomfortable situation (a.k.a. vulnerability™) with Chat Noir. Ladybug views Chat Noir's love for her as a weakness, and in Ladybug's mind, weakness = the end of the world. After fighting alongside Catwalker, Ladybug learns that the specific bond she has with the real Chat Noir is crucial to their success as a partnership, and she has to make sure to frequently reassure Chat Noir that he's still important to her. And, with the help of Plagg, Adrien realizes that his identity is something that he decides for himself, not something that is determined by others.

I wanna say more but it's almost 2am and I have to get up for class in like 4 hours lmao

#srry if this comes across as salty i just get irritated when ppl choose to not dig deeper #spoilers #ml spoilers #asks #kuro neko #catwalker #kuro neko spoilers #ladrien #ladynoir #miraculous spoilers #ml #miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #miraculous #adrien #marinette #meta #meta analysis #metas #miraculous meta #ml meta #miraculous ladybug meta #season 4 #season 4 spoilers #ml season 4 #ml s4

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. Maybe i'm just old but I remember a big part of fandom used to be lovingly shitting on whatever we liked, because yeah we could enjoy it but also call out what was bad about it like rational human beings. The fact LO stans refuse to even flirt with the idea of any sort of non-praise only discussion is just like??? Is this a cult??? Over a stupid webtoon?? Even the most obsessive PJO fans aren't this argo about it. It's really off putting.

2. ya know I get LO is rachel trying to ~push back~ against centuries of christianity warping how we see the greek gods but I didn't think that would mean her being against the christian teachings that slavery is born of sin and rich people are literally evil who will never get to heaven, like?? ma'am???

3. Even though I’m not reading LO anymore, I got to say I liked RS’s old artstyle. It was unique and easy on the eyes.

4. Homer calls Eris a daughter of Zeus and Hera over the usual Nyx and/or Erebus, so RS isn't technically wrong in this case (and tbh it could be an interesting comment on how marriage between them is full of discord) but I think the bigger issue with this in LO is she is only there to demonize Hera and Zeus' marriage and to be a scapegoat to Persephone's bad actions, even though everyone was fully fine to accept she could be multifaceted. Eris is just an excuse to pin blame on over anything else.

5. why did persephone pick then of all times to attack apollo 😭 i woulda stepped back n let him either get hurt by eris or let eris die… like i get pers hates him and he’s dangerous but so is eris ? home girl gave u WRATH 

6. I see some defend LO's dragged pacing as "when you binge it all at once it makes sense!" which like 1) it doesn't? a lot is still just bad writing but 2) a large issue of it too is that so much of it is just dragging out episodes that could have been done in half the time and/or could be cut entirely, which IMHO is bigger issue. There's so many elements in it (Eros and Psyche, Hera, Leto, Kronos, etc) that just add nothing, which makes it even more dragged out when it takes up most of the time.

7. It's honestly kind of telling the "anti" community is the only place to have nuanced talks about LO, make AUs, different opinions, and make fan content that isn't 100% to the comic while the "pro" fans police all thought and even run out people who dare have a different opinion and wanting to make content that isn't solely praising HxP and kissing Rachel's feet. Very strange indeed.

8. Funny how Rachel "super researched" Smythe doesn't seem to know only a handful of gods had their powerss stripped from them to learn a lessen, one of which was Apollo, which made him mature as a deity and have a better appreciation for mortals. Something tells me she won't let Persephone go through such a change or reflection, she'll only be trying to get back to Hades at all costs and that's about it, with her having learned nothing. I'd love to be proven wrong though.

9. Lo hades gives massive “I voted for Obama, how could I be racist?” Energy. The man is textbook definition of a centrist at best neoliberal and no that’s not a compliment. he looks right out of “Get Out”.

10. the fact the only real basis for HxP's "romance" in this comic is Hades being slightly better than her literal r4pist (with weird parallels to each other?? rachel you want them as different as possible??), physical lust, and trauma bonding is so bad lmao, especially when we're four years into this. Like how is the main point of the story still this underdeveloped at this point? And she's just going to drag it out again with this separation.

#anti lore olympus #anti lo #lore olympus critical #lo critical

[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

#sannin week 2021 #orochimaru #tsunade #jiraiya #sannin #naruto #naruto headcanons

[jubberry]

oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.

thanks el i love you

Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol

1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.

so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.

Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.

2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭

Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.

Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.

I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.

I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).

I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.

Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!

3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!

horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:

1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😢 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.

2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.

I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol

3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol

alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.

1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.

2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).

In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).

Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.

3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.

Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).

The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).

#harcest #fiveya #horrance #i dont think this is anti alluther but i did say i dont ship it #cause im not invested in tua canon romances #i wont tag just in case #ask game #THIS GOT SO LONG

[ralthings]

A Give-and-Take Relationship

I found this really great analysis on Khun Bam relationship on Lofter, by ytaamiacthoi. Thought I’d translate it here for everyone to see. 

This was posted after S3 Ch66. Do not read if you have not caught up yet. 

The translation begins. 

SIU is really good in this. There’s always contrast in the development and expression of their relationship. 

For both of them, their feelings always mirror each other, there’s give and take between them, I refuse to believe that it’s not carefully crafted on purpose, even how they overcame the traumas of their past are compared with each other. Let’s not go into details here, but start with more obvious examples. The ones that left a deeper impression on me are these three incidents, for instance, the two times when they hugged each other (of course even when SIU didn’t draw it out they probably hugged countless of times before this) 

Bam rushes towards Khun. 

Khun rushes towards Bam.

Doesn’t it feel like returning home? It’s totally rushing back to where you belong.

When both of them run towards each other, they adapted a pose of acceptance and support. In the first instance, Khun just recovered and didn’t want Bam to worry. Similarly, Bam didn’t want Khun to worry under those circumstances. 

On the other hand, Hwaryun and Bam is kind of like how Isu is to Khun. They’re both “friends” or “sibling”-like characters whom they share a close bond and can have heart-to-heart talks with.

Hwaryun’s famous quote: Hey, it was Khun, not me!

Bam didn’t think that Khun made him do it. Whatever Khun says, he’ll accept it all. Basically Bam wouldn’t blame Khun. It clearly shows that Khun has a different status in Bam’s heart. 

This concept also reappeared later, unusually conspicuously, in Bam’s attitude towards “Khun using the dead souls to revive White”. 

Everyone knows about this double standard Khun applies:

[TN: author refers to the fact that Khun refused to let anyone touch his head, but pats Bam’s head like there’s no tomorrow] 

Next let’s look at how important they are towards each other: 

Khun expressed his fear in losing Bam, and made a request. 

This is the first time Bam explicitly made a request of Khun. And the main point Bam focused on is Khun’s safety - White isn’t a nice person after all: Bam is also afraid of losing Khun. 

It’s a little different from the request to climb the tower together. Here, it’s more like both are making a request during the process of fostering an intimate bond, telling the other half your needs, in order to fortify the relationship. 

Khun’s love has the characteristics of sacrifice and contribution, while Bam’s has the characteristics of “acceptance”. Acceptance meaning - I know all of your strengths and flaws, but I will embrace them, and I won’t dislike you for them. It’s not about liking you because of what you did, but accepting all of you because it’s you. 

Personally I think Khun is attracted to this aspect of Bam: Khun also needs salvation. He needs to be valued as he is, to be loved as he is. And not to have his value judged by his abilities, or whether he is useful to others - Bam gave Khun this sense of security from the very beginning. With his actions, Bam showed Khun that he is irreplaceable, and one of a kind. That Khun does not need to be a tool, or to desperately showcase his “usefulness” to others. That Bam can forgive and accept all of Khun, and that Khun’s existence is the most precious part about him. 

And when Khun wants retract into his shell, Bam would reach out to him gently.

Bam is very careful. He doesn’t want to lose Khun, but he is also very respectful of Khun’s wishes.

At any rate who asked Khun to only fall for this lmao

But firstly Khun is already used to doing this, and secondly Bam appears to be kind to everyone (although the reasons for doing so are different), a lot of people helped out as well. Both their relationship are gradually developed throughout the years. 

Why is that Bam always reaches out to Khun at the right time? Because whenever Khun gives his attention to Bam, Bam would immediately pick up on it. Bam would always give his undivided attention to Khun. Whether there’s something wrong with Khun, whatever Khun needs, Bam is able to tell at first glance. (It’s a type of instinct developed from attentiveness, understanding and trust over the long term) Just because Bam doesn’t say it, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know.

Take note, that Khun responds to tenderness rather than tough love. Both their emotions are connected, whenever Khun blames himself or self-reflects, it’s often built upon him noticing Bam’s concerns / worries about him. (For the rest, it’s when Khun experiences helplessness towards Bam’s sufferings, that is Khun’s intrinsic concerns and worries for Bam).

And Bam had, before this, sacrificed himself for Khun for as long as six years (to protect Khun and others, he stayed by himself in FUG. This is something Khun will always remember). 

Bam is also first person to place unconditional trust in Khun.

Since before it all began, Khun had already received very precious things from Bam. 

To be honest, Bam’s powers had a similar quality - absorption / acceptance. Examples: extremely fast learning speed (acceptance of knowledge), the souls from White, Thorn, Red Thryssa etc. (makes it like a minimart....) I think perhaps the quality of the irregulars’ powers have some connection with their personalities. Of course this is not the main point. 

Bam’s acceptance towards the others is different from Khun. Back when he just entered the tower, he exhibited this quality fully. When Black March asked if Rachel is the most beautiful woman in the tower, Bam replied: 

For the current Bam, this place is already taken by Khun. 

Khun isn’t as perfect as his appearance; impatient, likes to complain, always lies to himself, but these doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change the fact that Khun is the most precious person to Bam. 

Bam also expresses his acceptance and accommodation towards Khun in their relationship. On one hand, Khun always goes with Bam’s decisions; but in terms of emotions, Bam goes with Khun’s. Whenever Khun wishes to provide, Bam would accept all of it, without any hints of rejection. Khun needs Bam to need him; accepting Khun’s providence is the best reciprocation Bam can give to Khun. Bam gave Khun a form of acceptance without words. Khun didn’t want Bam to know, and Bam, knowing this, didn’t look too deeply into it. But in reality Bam understands this clearer than anyone else. 

When Bam faces others, he’s actually the type to keep a distance, and not accept others easily, nor rely or depend on others. If Bam’s acceptance towards the others originate from his values of respect and quality, his acceptance towards Khun stems from the fact that Khun is too important to him. 

Khun’s emotions towards Bam is very well expressed in the original webtoon, so it won’t be elaborated much here. But an important point is: Bam gave Khun a sense of “security”, as if he became a “person”. Khun also gave Bam a safe harbour, and helped him achieve his growth. They help each other become a better version of themselves. They look out for each other’s real selves, their fragility, and work hard to understand and accept each other. 

There’s a need to repost this screenshot again: 

If it wasn’t for the fact that this is honestly extremely dangerous, that one wrong move and Khun could’ve been eaten by White, Bam would probably just go along with Khun and pretend not to know about this. 

Because Bam knows that Khun doesn’t want him to know. 

And Khun also probably guessed that Bam knows Khun doesn’t want to let him know. 

And Khun immediately knew the hidden meaning between the lines, he knew what Bam was trying to say as soon as Bam spoke the above lines to him: Khun, I still ended up using the souls’ power, what should I do? 

A very helpless feeling. It’s a concern towards Khun, an assurance towards Khun, an understanding of Khun. (1. I know you did this for me. 2. I understand you, it’s alright even if you did this, I won’t hate you, you are still the most important person to me), and also a help signal to Khun (even I didn’t notice Bam’s sign for help). 

Only Khun could comprehend Bam’s thoughtfulness, his kind but sensitive heart, and his lack of security. Khun understood that, and took the initiative to reach out. Similarly, he told Bam, and held him: Don’t be afraid, I’ll forgive you, and accept/embrace all of you. 

Bam also understand Khun too well. They need each other, hopes that they will be needed by each other, and also knows what they have done for each other. 

When Bam is hurt, he actually likes to retreat to himself, like a crab or snail - he needs a gentle tug, not a rough one - to come out of it. 

They honestly understand each other’s feelings

Last point - when Khun began to hug Bam, his body was leaning forward. But as you read, you’ll realise that Khun gradually straightened his back, and Bam finally grasped Khun’s back tightly. This means that with Khun’s initial hug, Bam relaxed from an uptight state, and wilfully buried himself into Khun’s embrace, to consciously seek help from Khun. In front of Khun, Bam easily let his guard down, instead of trying to push through. Khun also accepted Bam’s display of weakness; just like how Bam naturally accepted all of Khun. At this moment, they are not in the middle of a war, just them in each other’s tight embraces. This is a space that belongs to just two of them. 

Here Khun was still actively pulling Bam into his embrace

Here, Khun had straightened his back, and Bam was basically burying himself into Khun’s embrace.

Khun’s back is straightened. 

Perhaps the shift in stance and center of gravity symbolises the state of their emotions as they journeyed together. Their relationship is dynamic, spiralling upwards, and here it achieves its balance. 

Ahh they basically assimilated each other into their own lives

I really think Bam probably cried

Bam wouldn’t do this to any other person. 

And among the reasons for Bam’s feelings of self-blame, it likely includes his guilt towards Khun. It’s him who gave Khun no choice but to face such danger, but even when faced with this choice, he really doesn’t want to lose Khun at all. How helpless, perhaps it’s only through the embrace that they can truly acknowledge each other. 

At this moment, the hug is more than a thousand words. 

To add to this, I’ve read stories where there are various stages of relationship during a disaster - when they don’t know each other well, the girl would probably say “don’t leave me alone”, after a while, she’d probably say “just leave me and save yourself”, but at the current stage, the girl doesn’t need to say anything, because she understood the importance of trust in each other. 

Khun and Bam probably reached this final stage: they work with each other, need each other, trust each other, rely on each other. They won’t leave each other from now on, because they are already inseparable. 

You ask what kind of relationship this is? It’s just this, really can’t fit a third party in so what’s the difference in definition. At any rate their relationship can be of any nature, play any role for each other, but basically they are the only one in each other’s lives. 

I really suspect that Bam’s acceptance towards Khun had reached the point where no matter what Khun wants, what Khun becomes (in terms of relationship), he would accept it gracefully (as long as Khun needs it). Even though Bam’s acceptance seems to have no ceiling to it, but Khun wouldn’t abuse it. Khun seems to approach his relationships with some sort of sacred, selfless sacrifice, he wouldn’t think about tainting his sacred relationship with Bam. Sorry I’m a little delusional here. 

But who says Love is only limited to romantic love. I think they can be anything for each other. No matter what, they are the most important, and the most special in each other lives, something that’s irreplaceable by anyone. 

They can stop climbing the tower, but they can’t not have each other.

In the end:

Contrast before and after the hug:

Before the hug:

Bam is completely disoriented. 

(Yama comments that he’s in an excellent state. Just look at his face how is this state excellent at all lol)

After the hug:

Bam is obviously much better. Determined and calm. Maybe this is the power of love? 

Actually objectively speaking, it’s the right decision to continue attacking the Nest right after. Hwaryun’s verdict is the the same as what Khun usually would’ve taken for others, what Hwaryun said is also what Khun usually would’ve told others. But in this case, the person in question is Bam. 

You can’t think straight when it’s the person you care about.

Adding Hwaryun’s comments: 

#tower of god #baam #khun #bamkhun #khunbam #tog #tog analysis #baamkhun #khunbaam #s3ch66

[sucker-for-minyard]

When i say that "All For The Game" is important to me and helped me undestand my personal limits, i mean it.

[Tw: harassment]

When i was 10, i started to study in a school called "CEN". There, i made incredible friends, but also not so great ones.

From my first year there (10yo) to my last year there (13yo), i was basically in a school were the people, specially the older ones, had NO CONCEPT of CONSENT AND PERSONAL SPACE.

I lost the count of how many times teenagers would lift my skirt or my shirt, take off my bra, touch my breasts or kiss me without warning.

I was 10!!!! Starting to learn about my body, entering puberty, and i had the worst example possible.

Eventually, i just thought it was normal. It was ok for a friend, who was 16, to grope me, 11, when we passed through each other in the corridor.

It was ok for me to have these older guys hitting on me and talking openly about sexual stuff.

it was ok for people that i DIDN'T EVEN KNOW to touch my body. to kiss me.

it was ok for a friend to grope me and disrespect my body, because that's what people do when they like you. right? right?

i had no idea how much i was disrespecting myself, and how everything that happened would impact my relationship with others in the future.

Fast foward to when i was 14, and moved to another school for X reasons.

I legitimately thought that everyone hated me. I cried to my parents bc i thought that no one wanted to be friends with me.

Guess why.

Because in months there, no one touched me in a weird way. No one disrespected my body. No one forced themselves into my personal space.

I was devastated, and was always on edge, thinking that my friends would go away in any second.

At the same time, i met a guy that I'll call "Adam" bc i don't need his name here. He was the boyfriend of one of my friends from CEN. And we became friends really quickly.

We would call each other for HOURS. He was two years older.

And one day, he started to flirt with me.

I had NO EXPERIENCE dating. I never had someone that i was in love with, and the thought of someone older and pretty and interesting would like ME was just too much. I fell head over heels for him. Not in love. Just, emotionally attached.

He kept flirting, initially nothing much, but then he started to talk about sexual things. Things that he wanted me to do to him and with him. What he wanted to do with me.

And one day, he just called me while jerking off.

I was terrified. I didn't knew how to tell him to 'stop'. That i didn't liked that kind of friendship. Because i didn't want to lose him.

So i just kept letting it happen. Until he decided to grope me in front of his girlfriend and i just had too much.

I went home and cried for hours with my mom on the phone. You know what she said? That it was my fault, since i gave him so much liberty.

That sentence really stayed with me.

And then the year was ending, and i was waiting for my friends from school to finally walk away and stop talking to me.

But they didn't. I did.

And the next year, when i was 15, i was in a new school.

I spent one year there with no problems. Didn't really bond with anyone but was starting to make some friends. It was nice, even tho i was basically being bullied by my classmates. I could ignore it and so i did.

Fast foward to Last year, 2019. now i had 16. Most of my year passed normaly. I never liked studying but i did the minimum to not fail.

And then, in September, i met someone in a party. I'll call him "Dave" because i don't want to put his real name in my blog.

Dave was clearly a 'rebel without a cause'. He smoked and drank without caring about his health. He was cool and everyone wanted to hang out with him. He painted his nails and played the guitar.

And for some reason, he wanted to hook up with me. Not date.

And i fell for it. I kissed him once and was already in heaven. How the fuck someone so cool wanted ME? I had no idea but i was loving it.

Soon we became best friends, we hanged out literally everyday and shit.

And then we became "friends with benefits" lmao. I was in love with him, and he couldn't choose between me and another person (that i won't say the name. today he is one of my best friends).

All of my close friends at the time warned me about Dave. How he treated me badly, how rude he was with me, how he was using me. But i thought that i was in love and ignored everything.

And two months passed like that. I slept in his house 3 times a week. I spent all weekends with him, i drank too much and i started smoking like an idiot.

And one day, after a huge fight me and Dave had, my dad said that my family was going to move to another state.

I called Dave immediately, and went to his house.

Only then we started dating. Because i was going away in two months, suddenly he was ok with dating me.

Adam was terrible and i was so unhappy.

Before we started dating, and even after that, i never had the right to say "no".

It was never about me. What i wanted. What i could give. What i was able to give.

I would come to his house, drunk, and he would ignore that i could not truly give consent and make me do whatever he wanted me to do.

I never felt loved.

My body was not mine. I had no right to control my own body.

I was with someone that would not accept a "no". I was with someone that would threaten to kill himself if i hurted him. I was with someone that said that he would kil me, and beat me, if i didn't do as he told.

He hit me once. And even after that, i didn't break up with him. And as always, he never, NEVER, apologized.

I was, again, in a relationship that taught me nothing about consent, respect and limitations. And it was destroying me without me noticing it.

But two months later, the day came and o moved. Even so the abuse didn't stop there.

He kept emotionally manipulating me, making me feel guilty for not being there. He said that i wasnt the person that he thought that i would be. That i never helped him and never made him happy. He said that i didn't truly love him.

Eventually, we parted ways. He stoped sending me messages and i stopped trying to be there.

I felt empty, and loveless, and it was like i had failed. I felt like i wasn't enough. I failed because i wasn't able to give enough of myself to him.

And now, a couple of months ago.

Someone on twitter mentioned AFTG and i didn't have anything better to do.

I fell in love with the book. I did. But there were so many triggers and had to take it slow.

I KNOW it sounds like I'm reading too deep into it, but please understand.

When i saw the way that Andrew and Neil interacted, as two different individuals, with different needs and different limitations, i was devastated.

I could not handle seeing how respectful and caring they were about each others triggers and traumas.

How Neil respected every single "no".

And how Andrew was able to say "no" without caring about what Neil would feel.

Because, when you say "no", it's for you, you're respecting yourself. And if your special someone can't undestand and respect that, they're not worth it.

I didn't understand that. To be honest, I'm still having a hard time to think about everything that happened to me like it was "harassment" or "assault".

I didn't say yes, but i also didn't say no

And, again, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm reading too deep into it.

Andrew and Neil have this "yes or no" think that left me speechless.

How can someone just respect you so much that they won't touch you unless you give clear permission?

I cried too much, and had enough panic attacks while i was reading the books. There were too many triggers but i kept going because i felt like i needed to.

I never had thought that, when you're drunk, you can't give consent. I never worried about that because no one worried about me when i was drunk. No one asked me anything.

The idea of having someone that will understand if you don't want to be touched, somone that will stay there and wait inutil you're okay, someone that loves you enough to respect if you're not ok... it was too much. Really.

Suddenly all of my relationship with my ex was passing in front of my eyes and i finally saw how abusive it was. How much he didn't care. How i trusted someone that couldn't give a shit about what i was feeling.

It's not that i didn't knew it was abusive. But seeing a relationship so opposite, like Andreil, was a chock.

"All For The Game" brought up things that usually are ignored.

Even if the trilogy is not focused on Andreil, the amount of importance that it puts in "consenting", is amazing.

I started to think about me and my body and how i was treating myself.

And how much i wanted someone that will respect me and love me and take care of me.

It sound dumb but I'm truly grateful. All For The Game is just fiction. But it talks about serious matters with a respectful and realistic approach.

It's "just a book" but it showed me a kind of relationship that i never saw. It affected me.

This is a huge vent because i had a panick attack during my therapy session and i needed to write it.

#all for the game #the foxhole court #aftg #vent #i really love aftg #girls guys and pals stay safe #take care of yourself #respect your body #the raven king #tfc #andreil

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

[heathneycanon]

scott for the character thing? :)

How I feel about this character - i love scott and i would die for him. he was one of my favorite characters when i first watched roti, and honestly? he’s probably my favorite from that cast. he was a good strategist during roti, and he was fun!! they kinda derailed his character in all stars, which is a shame.

All the people I ship romantically with this character - DUNCAN. i love duncott, or scuncan, or whatever. they’re both assholes and i love that for them. also i rewatched roti and honestly..... dott’s kinda cute. just a lil. but i see it. OH and lightning/scott could be good i think.

My non-romantic OTP for this character - also dawn and scott. i also like the idea of zoey and scott as friends. i honestly feel like both of these friendships would consist of playfully roasting each other back and forth. i also like the idea of a heather and scott friendship... they WERE great strategists on their seasons, and once they got found out, they lost their reputation. unlike alejandro, who was charming enough that he was still respected after being found manipulative, neither heather’s nor scott’s strategies consisted of any real charm. idk i just think they could’ve bonded. also there’s a parallel between everyone laughing at heather going bald and everyone laughing at scott getting severely injured and put in the trauma chair. idk i just think they were teenagers playing the game and they’re both probably kinda traumatized by how much people actually enjoyed them being in pain. they could bond.

My unpopular opinion about this character - lmao maybe the fact that i like him? similar to duncan and cody, it feels like people are very torn on scott. either they love him or they hate him. i love him so much.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. - pretty much what i said at the start, i wish they hadn’t flanderized his character in all stars. also, again, i wish he and heather had been friends.

#total drama #scott #scuncan #duncott #dott #scott x lightning #duncan #lightning #dawn #heather #ask #answered #anon #confessional #alejandro #zoey

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

songs on taylor swift’s LOVER (2019), a concept album about eliot waugh and quentin coldwater from SYFY’s the magicians, rated by how much they are about eliot waugh and quentin coldwater from SYFY’s the magicians

i forgot that you existed - lmao these dummies will never be over each other. bumped a bit because it would be good on the soundtrack for the fic i still kinda want someone to write where eliot gets brainwashed by the dark king who for god’s sake is not trying to bring back to life his beloved who died because of homophobia and gets catfished by his dead brother but is just a supernatural evil despot manipulating eliot’s pain and erasing his memories of quentin only to be defeated of course by the power of true love. weak showing to start but things quickly improve. 2/10

cruel summer - this is a song about being out of your mind with horniness for someone you would rather die than admit you’ve caught feelings for, which is.... VERY queliot. love eliot watching quentin at a hotel vending machine at night and insisting to himself, “i’m not dying.” good for a non-beast AU where quentin dates alice and eliot dates some non-possessed normie boy and they both get dumped finals week and get obliteratingly drunk in the physical kids’ cottage as bros and hook up and wake up like “LOL haha rebound sex” and then it happens again and they’re like, sure, you know, why not, you’re heartbroken, i’m heartbroken, let’s help each other forget about it by fucking like rabbits, except of course by august eliot is drunk in the back of the car crying like a baby coming home from the bar because he is not fine about all the times he has told quentin it’s fine. ALTERNATELY this is actually just quentin in the mosaic timeline after they hook up and he wakes up in the morning totally ready to talk about how they’re dating now and eliot is like LET’S NOT OVERTHINK THINGS and quentin’s like, haha yeah ok! and they keep having mindblowing outdoor sex but like as bros and quentin regrets every waking moment agreeing to pretend not to overthink things with his best friend who is amazing in bed and who also he is definitely falling in love with. “breakable heaven” is a good description of the mosaic timeline, because many pieces and because it broke by never happening. bonus point because “i love you, ain’t that the worse thing you ever heard?” is SO eliot and also SO quentin in related but distinct ways. 8/10

lover - UGH!!!! SO QUELIOT!!!! “have i known you twenty seconds or twenty years” vs. “i bond fast, time is an illusion.” “can i go where you go” for two people who have been thrown together and torn apart so many times is wildly romantic. “my heart’s been borrowed and your heart’s been blue” = i dated a possessed guy and then became a possessed guy and you are chronically depressed. “you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me” is all about eliot’s smirks. i ALREADY have feelings about taylor swift, a human being who spent most of her adult life ruled by the lingering wounds of having been uncool in eighth grade, putting in her big sweet love song the line, “and at every table i’ll save you a seat,” but i have SO MANY MORE feelings when i apply that to quentin coldwater, who ate lunch in the bathroom on days that julia was absent because of the horror of finding somewhere to sit in the high school cafeteria. 9/10

the man - margo says she hates this song because it’s white feminism but whenever she gets drunk at karaoke she makes quentin sing it with her. he always flips his hair on “i’d be just like leo in st tropez,” because he is the only other person besides taylor swift in america uncool enough to think that’s still a reference that conjures up associations of a sexy awesome playboy. 3/10

the archer - FUCKING!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is... ok. ok. i’m calm. this is the eliot song of all time. “i’m ready for combat / i say i don’t want that / but what if i do” is about eliot’s reactivity and his fear that on some level he wants to blow everything up more than he wants to be loved. we don’t know what started the fight we see in the mosaic timeline but what we glimpse is very “cruelty wins in the movies”: this impulse to win by pushing the other person away to avoid your own vulnerability. “i’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you” is eliot unpossessed after quentin is alive but before he and alice have broken up thinking about all the apologetic true love confessions he made charlton watch him rehearse. “i search for your dark side / but what if i’m alright right right right here” is about refusing to believe in good things because they are so threatening when your formative experiences of love and family were so unsafe. “i cut off my nose just to spite my face / and i hate my reflection for years and years” is, quite literally, just the exact plot of 4x05. “i wake in the night / i pace like a ghost / the room is on fire / invisible smoke” is more A+ abandonment issues content, and i can’t even TALK about “all of my heroes die all alone” in the context of eliot waugh who FULLY has on MANY occasions raised a toast to living fast dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse and has never himself been wholly sure exactly how much he was kidding. “all the king’s horses and all the king’s men / couldn’t put me together again / cuz all of my enemies started out friends” is first of all a very funny thing for a former high king of fillory to say, and second upsetting because MOSAIC, PIECES, MINOR MENDINGS, ELIOT SEES HIMSELF AS A BROKEN THING, and third devastating because of how much of the Trauma Chalkboard involves times eliot has betrayed other people. ok FINE we can start talking about the refrains now, even though they CAUSE ME THE MOST PAIN. “help me hold on to you” is the subtext of every post-4x13 queliot fic for the very good reason that it’s the most vulnerable and beautiful and real thing eliot could ever say. “i’ve been the archer / i’ve been the prey” is again about eliot as a person full of regret for all the ways he has lashed out in his life against people other than the ones who wounded him so deeply. “screaming who could ever leave me darling / but who could stay” is sooooo eliot, with the drama and affect of it all (“darling!”), and the performed belief in his own excellence combined with his deep insecurity. “they see right through me” is about how he’s secretly afraid everyone can smell on him that he grew up on a farm in indiana, “can you see right through me” is about both fearing and hoping that quentin will see all of him, “i see right through me” is about how hard he’s lied to himself about wanting love. the best song in the world probably. 20/10.

i think he knows - my favorite thing about adult taylor swift referencing anything about adolescence is that taylor swift had a totally deranged abnormal adolescence because she spent the whole thing first trying to be famous and then actually being outrageously famous. so i love it when she says “it’s like i’m 17 nobody understands,” because when she was actually 17 she was dating a jonas brother for like 3 months and then writing break-up songs that made it sound like she was never that into it, so it’s like this idea of being 17 and hormonal in some kind of normal context where you actually are thinking about sex all day instead of meeting with your branding team. this is a fun idea to extrapolate to eliot & quentin, who were both miserable at 17 and never got the experience of devoting your brain full-time to all-consuming horniness for the first person to ever give you an orgasm, but who can now experience that with each other. also “his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it’s mine” is a queliot line because of my very strong personal headcanon that eliot is obsessed with quentin’s hands. 6/10

miss americana and the heartbreak prince - see above re: tswift & teenhood. "when i was 16 / lost in a film scene” is even better because actual teen taylor swift spent many hours of her life literally acting out on film these like pathologically normative high school scenarios that she never lived because she dropped out after ninth grade, and because this song is all about like, image vs reality but is also itself a fantasy? fucked up and weird, i love it. taylor swift spent so many years portraying her specific teen shame as being about her deep dweebery and i think it’s really funny that in this song she is still an outcast but now it is because she is like, too sexy and misbehaving, both through the line “they whisper in the hallways she’s a bad bad girl” and by setting it to basically a lana del rey track. i feel like this is a very eliot move, to rewrite your own history of exclusion as more glamorous and flattering than it was, to portray yourself as like this debauched rebel instead of a sad gay kid in a homophobic environment. eliot obviously was never enamored with this kind of stock teen americana imagery the way taylor was, but i think he has that same tension of deeply resenting one image while being very drawn to another one. extra point because “heartbreak prince” is such a hilarious and amazing way to describe quentin. 7/10

paper rings - good song for a very chill no-beast AU. “i like fancy things but i’d marry you with paper rings” is very eliot. it’s cute to imagine eliot reading all of the books besides quentin’s bed not because he likes them but because he wants to get to know quentin better. “i want your dreary mondays” is a nice thing for either of these dudes to hear. 5/10

cornelia street - all songs about being overwhelmed and terrified by love are about eliot waugh!!!!! especially songs where someone does something casually that is clearly not casual at all. it rules that both of the key metaphors in the verses are extremely quentin images: fresh page on the desk / card sharks playing games. stories and magic! thinking about eliot and quentin barefoot in a kitchen together makes me want to cry, for normal reasons. 8/10

death by a thousand cuts - i have to be honest, for a long time i thought it sucked that the best song on this album was actually not about queliot, but then i saw the light and realized that this is a song about how totally incomprehensible it is that you’re supposed to just move on with your life when someone you loved absolutely is no longer yours, so ACTUALLY, this song is totally about quentin after the mosaic! “i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright / they say i don’t know.” trying to be normal while secretly dying inside. “i look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up / chandelier’s still flickering here” = i said it was chill when you compartmentalized our 50 years as soulmates as something that happened to other people but actually the me i am right now wants you real bad! “what once was ours is no one’s now” because it happened in an alternate timeline that never existed. “you said it was a great love / one for the ages / but if the story’s over / why am i still writing pages” = you said it was kind of beautiful but also that wasn’t really me but if so then why do i want to bone you so bad. gets even more fucked up if you extend it properly into season 4. MY HEART MY HIPS MY BODY MY LOVE / TRYING TO FIND A PART OF ME THAT YOU DIDN’T TOUCH: a line i can only ever type in all-caps and about which i can say nothing because it is perfect. “gave up on me like i was a bad drug” is also very quentin reflecting bitterly on eliot. saying goodbye to your possessed ex is death by a thousand cuts because that’s how many times the monster sockpuppeting his body is going to randomly show up in your apartment covered in blood. the morning comes and you’re not my baby, because you have been possessed. flashbacks waking me up because i have PTSD now from watching your body murder like 80 people.  8/10

london boy - lmao. no 0/10

soon you’ll get better - I Feel Weird Jokingly Assigning A Rating To Taylor Swift’s Very Sad Song About How Taylor Swift’s Actual Mom Has Actual Cancer Based On How Much It Relates To A Fictional Couple In Which One Person Has A Parent Who Dies Of Cancer So I’m Going To Rate This Not Applicable. N/A. great song tho

false god - jesus, does she really go london boy / soon you’ll get better / false god? her sequencing is so deranged. anyway i know i was JUST talking about my interest in fic where quentin and eliot get together but don’t necessarily talk out every single one of their 800 issues in the timespan covered by the story, but this song about make-up sex is still not very queliot to me, possibly because i cannot get past the dorkiness of taylor swift calling herself new york city. “you can't talk to me when I'm like this / daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you” is pretty good though. “if you want to live your life live it here...” damn eliot waugh and taylor swift really are like the same person on the level of psychological architecture. i know i keep saying it but it keeps freaking me out. 4/10

you should calm down - eliot unfollowed jonathan van ness on twitter after the video for this came out. he unfollowed antoni too but then refollowed him because he’s hot.  -1000000/10.

afterglow - so THIS song about fighting actually DOES have very queliot vibes. and it’s funny, because i keep talking about eliot’s fear of lashing out and hurtfully pushing away people he loves, and i think he does have that impulse (”if you want to live your life live it here...” what did you MEAN eliot), and i also think he’s SUPER afraid of that within himself, partly because of how the dynamics of his childhood make anger and conflict really fraught for him... but actually the character we more often see being a huge dick because of his own issues is, in fact, quentin, and that is who this song about. we all know i am obsessed with the scene where quentin comes sheepishly back to alice apologizing for being an asshole because it’s so vulnerable and honest and such a powerful moment of growth for him... as robbed as i feel of like tearfully joyful queliot reunions i also feel robbed that we never got to see quentin and eliot have a moment like that together! 7/10

me! - absolutely not. -30/10

it’s nice to have a friend - i like this song but the way taylor talks about it always makes me kind of sad, because she draws this equivalence between being excited about a friend as a kid and being excited about romance as an adult that really does make it sound like she thinks in adulthood romance takes over a place that friendship used to occupy, instead of co-existing with it... but she’s also talked a lot about the importance of finding who her real friends are so idk maybe i’m being too hard on her and also oversensitive because of certain plot developments. “call my bluff / call you babe” is cute. card sharks! pet names! 5/10

daylight - R U KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE QUELIOT ANTHEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! two people who have been hurt and hurt others, who have spent a long time running away from their own hearts, who have been confused about what they want... “i wounded the good and i trusted the wicked / clearing the air i breathed in the smoke” about every mistake and regret and fuck-up... “maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down / maybe i’ve stormed out of every single room in this town”... the trauma chalkboard, the fight outside the hedge bar... the people you become to try to erase the person you’re afraid you are... and then! “throw out our cloaks and our daggers because it’s morning now / it’s brighter now”... to find peace in the person you never need to hide yourself from... the transformative power of letting yourself be seen... “i can still see it all in my mind / all of you all of me intertwined”... i can still remember this other life that never happened which matters not because it’s where i fell in love with you but because it’s where i revealed my whole self and learned that whole self could be loved.... and of course above all most crucially, “i once believed love would be burning red / but it’s golden / like daylight”... the very beautiful story the magicians accidentally almost told was a story about letting go of the narratives you’ve been taught to want and realizing that as much as real life and hard and scary it is also lovelier than any of those wan old stories... “i wanna be defined by the things that i love, not the things that i hate, or the things that i’m afraid of”... please!!!!!!! 100000000000000/10

#the magicians #queliot #we're doing. great. just. just having fun normal times qreating quarantine qontent #no readmores we alienate our followers like men #if u can't handle me at my Completely Fucking Losing My Entire Mind About Something Fully Unhinged #this is not the blog for u my friend