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la-paritalienne · 4 years

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Eve!!!! Need your thoughts about Taylor's album!!!! 💓💓💓💓💓💓

i love getting asked :”(((((( :”))))))) thank uuuuuuuu. let’s get to it. as usual, it’s an almost-first impression (normally i write my basic thoughts during the first listen – yeah i’d started doing it before getting this, you know, just in case – and then i review them w a second one, where i also select my favourite passage). sooo, let’s go

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the 1 — such sweet yet heartbreaking lyrics... very soft sound, if it sets the mood for the album im 100 per cent in! This one didn’t stick w me after one listen, but after the second i was like wooow! I love how she says waking up alone ughhh. 8

fave lyrics: persist and resist the temptation to ask you / if one thing had been different / would everything be different today?

cardigan — !!!!!!! the sound has that bittersweet something that gets under your skin and makes you nostalgic for something you can’t even pinpoint. it reminds me of the softest lana, especially in nfr (eg bartender!!). i’m in awe. instant obsession!!!! the ending takes you to another plane of existence – ‘cause i knew everything when i was young... i knew you’d miss me... you’d come back to me. also i’m crying. 10+

[it’s hard to choose bc the whole song reads like poetry but i’m especially obsessed w] giving me your weekends; once in twenty lifetimes; tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy; you drew stars around my scars

the last great american dynasty — storytelling on pointttt and sound, too! telling the story of someone she bought her house from?? the genius jumped out. she paints it like a romantic portrait, mad woman pacing on the shore, but then also gatsbian, the crazy parties, dali... and then takes it back to today w the key lime green dog, idk, iconic. i want to know this woman. this song truly takes you somewhere else, i thought it was a bit repetitive but then the bridge came in and the final vocals plus i had a marvelous time ruining everything, i have to stan! 8+

there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen / she had a marvelous time ruining everything

exile — ok wow, bon iver’s voice is something else!!!! i was kind of ignorant when it came to him, i admit. his depth and rasp paired with how angelic she sounds... heavenly. sound-wise, but also thematically, this vaguely reminds me of tomorrow never came w lana and sean ono lennon. (one of my fave songs of all time maybe?). the way they enunciate i think i’ve seen this film before is literally a work of art all in itself, not to mention – well i’m mentioning it bc it’s worth it! – the you never gave a warning sign vs the way she goes over it w i gave so many signs. god this makes me feel sooooo sad and like, involved. it’s so beautiful. 10

you’re not my homeland anymore / so what am i defending now?

my tears ricochet — ok wtfffff??? everything about this speaks to my soul. the airy voice, the way she sets the scene... sunlit room, the funeral metaphor, you turned into your worst fears. i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace speaks to me more than anything, but just, everything about the lyrics. truly something else, cursing my name / wishing i stayed gives me chills everytime she says it. the beat that gets more insistent towards the end, with the bridge....... the high notes that then fade..... just wow. 10

and i can go anywhere i want / anywhere i want, just not home / and you can aim for my heart, go for blood / but you would still miss me in your bones / and i still talk to you when i’m screaming at the sky / and when you can’t sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies

mirrorball — love the lyrics, maybe a bit less the sound? i mean i do love the sound, so far i’m loving how softly produced and coherent this album is, but this one i wouldn’t listen to on repeat and maybe there’s something a bit whiny that i don’t love. powerful meaning tho, and who’d use a mirrorball as a metaphor for feeling like you’re fragile, trying too hard to be a people-pleaser and no one sees the real you? 7

i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me

seven — ah........ i started crying as soon as this one started, pleeease picture me in the trees, i hit my peak at seven....... like ok there’s no need to go that hard??? it’s so dreamy and like... naïf? in a perfect way. the way she says i still got love for you...... and everything else... she mentions folk songs... the purest love described in the purest way. i don’t think i have enough words to descrive the way this song moves me. like i want to listen to it again and again, to be able to feel like that again, but also i’m almost scared to listen bc it touches me too deeply. i still will tho hehe. 10+ (also just realised this is track 7 ok makes sense but my mind is blown. 100)

[this is literally deeper than a shakespeare sonnet so everything literally is my fave but, having to choose] and i’ve been meaning to tell you / i think your house is haunted / your dad is always mad and that must be why / and i think you should come live with me / and we can be pirates / then you won’t have to cry / or hide in the closet / and just like a folk song / our love will be passed on

august — i love the contrast between the lighthearted, happy singing and guitars and the sad lyrics. the story it tells is so simple and yet there’s so much poetry in that... plus it reminds me of fearless or even speak now?? which are like. the taylor that gets to my heart, tbh. the bridge and the outro made the song for me. 8,5

for me, it was enough / to live for the hope of it all / canceled plans just in case you’d call

this is me trying — oh god... lyrically this song is so raw and honest, it gives me chills! i do have to say, i don’t love how she says i just wanted to know (like metrically?? idk, im weird) but these are really just small comments on amazing songs, bc i feel like all i’m saying is wow this is great, lyrics and sound, but it truly is a complete and consistent work of art, easily listened to top to bottom each time. 8-

they told me all of my cages were mental / so got wasted like all my potential / and my words shoot to kill when i’m mad / i have a lot of regrets about that

illicit affairs — ok this goes without saying but i love storyteller taylor, it’s the taylor i grew up loving and singing to in my room. the thing about most of these songs, this one included, is that they probably grow on you after a few listens, bc they’re not made to be catchy, the production and backgrounds are always very soft and some i love more than others. this one musically maybe isn’t my fave but the narration is on point, and the bridge?? the fuckkkk. plus it has one of mt favourite themes ever which is so rarely spoken about, which is the fact that language you only speak w a particular someone you love, makes you miss them even more when they’re gone. or well not exactly this but i can’t put it into words, she did tho. 8+

you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else / and you know damn well / for you, i would ruin myself / a million little times

invisible string — the color theme!!! the guitar strumming!!! and the idea of an invisible tie w someone special... i do think she outdid herself w this album. again, not my fave soundwise, maybe slightly whiny when she goes meEeeEee? but, lyrically adorable and moving. 7,5

one single thread of gold / tied me to you

mad woman — maam...... this is iconic shit........ how could she say stuff like this w such a dreamy, breathy voice. musically i get huuuge lana’a nfr vibes again (which i mean. goals) but i also adore that lyrically it’s so taylor, no one would say this shit the way she does. adore how she sings to wrap your news around and bonus for women like hunting witches too, i do love me a nod to the fact that some women are so deeply filled w machism that they’re basically men in disguise. 8,5

every time you call me crazy, i get more crazy / what about that? / and when you say i seem angry, i get more angry [isn’t this just womanhood condensed in a few lines]

epiphany — aw! it sounds like a lullaby, maybe it’s slightly ‘boring’ for my taste? meaning i get distracted which is surely a shame bc the words seem beautiful, but it’s so soft i just drift off? but reading the lyrics – for focus hehe – i’m moved. 7+

only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you’ve seen

betty — okay byeeeeeeeeee. this is taylor at her finest! countryyyyyyyy, storytelling, lesbian jdjdfk no yeah I know I knowww, romance went sour. gut wrenching and beautiful, this feels like... watching a sad teen movie but w a sepia filter, idk. i dreamt of you all summer long oh my......... it’s like og taylor from her iconic first couple of albums came back but w all her baggage and growth and experience and better than ever. also why does taylor sing so wel about being in love w a woman????? well. 10+

betty, right now is the last time / i can dream about what happens when / you see my face again

peace — ..........yes yes yes. the high notes, the honesty, the syncopated parts where she says so much so quick and yet it still hits you. it’s not even a short song but it ends too soon, it goes by like that..... a poem. omg it just hit me this has flo vibes! especially from high as hope, for example grace or south london forever?? i mean... taylor doing alt folk country pop...... queen. give you my wild, give you a child?? ok ok. 10

all these people think love’s for show / but i would die for you in secret

hoax — weeeell the lana inspo jumped out w that piano!!!!! and like. mood. and lyrics...... this reminds me of wuthering heights or of lana’s tormented love stories (shades of blue.....). a powerful closer. poetry. 9

i am ash from your fire

♡♡♡♡

okkkkk this was a flattering review, very well deserved imo since the review is mine gjgjhkhk i agree w myself. thank you again and as i always say, feel free to come back w your comments! and have a great dayyyyy! much love

#taylor swift #folklore #also bonus points for the title #fave ever from her #10 #should i tag my reviews #(i think this has now become the tag)

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icharchivist · 5 years

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I’m starting back classes in 2 days and i admit i’m probably starting to freak out a little a h ah a h and that makes me self reflect again (i’ll find out how to get back to a therapist once the school year will be officially rolling bc i’ll sure need it a ha ha but in the meantime onto the readmores of the depth of my blog)

and it just... guh I’ve stopped going to any classes about 3 years ago exactly? Like, gave up completely, and that followed mostly that when i had a breakdown about 3 years ago i was having panic attacks all the time at the uni and ended up having hard case of... at least i’ll say “zoning out” bc i was panicking, except i was zoning out in the middle of the road and that’s STRAIGHT UP not a good time when you’re realizing you’ve almost been hit 3 times in 10 mins by a car bc of that man ✌

Like begining 2015 there was so much issues with my father back then, that’s when i cut ties, but i had that major breakdown i didn’t recover properly from, that had me eventually stop my studies back then and one of the reasoning was specifically “i cannot handle the stress of class on top of stress of my personal life” (which included the fact my family at home was always super toxic and honestly the more time i spend away from my ex-step-dad the most i realize how much unhealthy coping mechanisms i took just to try to survive with him at home while it drained all of my energy)

Like one of the things was that i would get yelled at if i didn’t do the dishes/wasn’t doing the grocery shopping or all sort of things and it just that i came back from school too exhausted + with my father stuff I legit couldn’t handle those stuff, so i threw out school so at least I could do the stuff at home i would get yelled at if i didn’t do, so at least i wouldn’t be stressed on that angle.

And that’s pretty fucked up to think it was one of my motivations back then ah ah ha h but survival y’all ✌

The thing is that then i stopped going to classes for 6 months so, then i started my art school bc i couldn’t stay without classes, problem is that my health got far worse back then with multiple sicknesses due to stress adding up and getting worse with the stress of school and of my dad and of the fact it was still bad at home, and the fact i straight up didn’t like the people i was in class with?? I mean they were fine and i was social with them, it was a peaceful environment but i was more kinda tolerating this and just.. trying not to bound much with people. And hey that worked out i have absolutly no idea who any of the people i’ve spent a full year with are doing ✌

The thing is that after that i tried the history uni and it’s when i started to have the panic attacks and zoning out and after one week i was just... too terrified to be around people. Like straight up terrified, i couldn’t talk to anyone, i was trembling when I was near my classrooms, I was on the verge of crying everytime someone addressed to me somehow, it was so so so so bad.

Anyway i dropped out that course after a week so y EAH and then i didn’t go to school the years that followed, bc there was administrations problems with the courses i wanted to take and i was asking help from my parents bc i was petrified at the idea of dealing with them and my parents didn’t help at all.

And tbh it would have been the same this year too over the fact it still completely petrifies me, except that this time my best friends helped me out organize, so i actually got through with the problems, and they’re fantastic and i love them-

But yeah now i’m thinking about the fact that it’s very likely the toxicness of my family made me close in and i started to be terrified of hanging around people i didn’t know well, that there is this sort of emotional effort to make that at least on top of the work i had to do with my family was too much.

And now i’ve left my family, i still have to deal with the nastiness of my dad and god i’m so tired, i ended up blocking him the other day but it’s getting so bad and i’m so tired we can just say it’s ANOTHER trial because OF COURSE it is JUST ANOTHER ONE, because we’re a NORMAL FAMILY and *bangs head on table* guh not the point of that post, but that had been heavy on me lately there is so much annoying stuff happening familywise.

And yeah I mean i’ve left but i’m far from healed from anything either and i just...

I know i’m good at talking with people sometimes, creating non threatening environment and all, being friendly, but i’m just panicked being around people.

I live in a student room and the kitchen is common to the whole stair and i’ve been avoiding it for about a month. A. month. Granted also bc i don’t know how to make part of it works and i’m too stressed up to ask for help, but that’s... that’s part of the problem. I went there a couple of times but if i can avoid it, i do.

Anytime i needed to get cooking i came back at my mom’s place when she was away bc i’m terrified to just... spend time around people i don’t know.

and i don’t know exactly where it’s from, bc like i mean i’ve been bullied all my way until high school but highschool were the most fantastic years i had socially speaking and i really opened up much more and managed to be far more social during that time, but then... then I guess just having dropped everything to spend all my time handling my family’s temper tantrum and be always hyperaware of their emotions in order to adjust to how i was supposed to work around that just ended up making me project that on everyone i didn’t know originally.

And it suuucks and i’m going back to school in 3 days and i’m just starting to be stressed out over the fact i’ll sit in class around people and i don’t want to be around people and that a h ah ah ah a h

and the worst is that i think i actually projected this attitude of mine online those past few years?!

I’ve always been more social online, more ready to talk and all, hell especially this blog, but while i have absolutly no problem with people coming to me, or even sometimes talking to people i’ve already grown used to see, then i’ve also grown terrified of like /posting in the tags/, of being seen by people outside of my comfort zone.

And it... really wasn’t the case before but it is now and i wonder if that’s an extension of the fact i just... tightened my comfort zone with the year to the point of being absolutly panicked about coming out of it.

Like.. i guess it’s already good that I ended up moving away in a place with a lot of people, and man i feel so strong when i actually do manage to go to the kitchen and don’t completely freak out when there are people there.

But YEAH school back in 3 days that will be fun i hadn’t been around people in 3 years and last time i’ve been around huge group of people i had massive panic attacks, that’ll be fun that’ll be fun that’ll be fun.

So that’s fun, that’s new, that’s something i’ll need to end up dealing with bc this is Not Reassuring but yeah i’ve kinda completely ignored that I had this social problem going on bc i had a hundred of others things to deal with and i’m just now realizing that huh yeah i’ve acted weirdly socially lately i probably need to get that checked and dig in to try to figure out what caused it and eventually try to stop being petrified for no rational reasons other than just... living in the same space as people terrifies me for some reasons.

That’s cool that’s cool that’s cool ✌ ✌ ✌

I mean that was to be expected that now that i’m getting out of the toxic situation that shaped my life i have to figure out where that left me and recover from it but i’m straight up not having a good time right now ✌

anyway meanwhile i’ll just, keep staying in comfort zone with that blog as it is, no need to try to “force myself out of it”, bad plan, not healthy enough for that and i need to do that irl before doing it online, so that’s fun that’s fun, gotta need to find an appointment with a therapist asap, this is gonna be fun wee ✌

#don't listen to me i'm just having a freak out bc school soon and all and all #i should take my meds rn i normally should take them closer from sleeping but i'm ✌#ichapersonal

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peachrogers · 5 years

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my summation + overall thoughts of avengers: endgame

including: what i found wrong with endgame and why i am currently refusing to acknowledge that it happened.

okay i wrote this a while ago but after i never actually got around to posting it so here it is.

first off,, i will once again introduce myself since this account is fairly new. hello, my name is mackenzie, call me mackenzie, or zie or mack or whatever you want. this was originally to be my main acc after i deactivacted all my old tumblrs because i planned to start fresh on tumblr again and after watching endgame for the second time last wednesday, this account became a marvel acc strictly so !! yeah follow me lets be friends !! message me whenever if you wanna talk or cry or anything.

to put it bluntly,, endgame fucking sucked.

endgame was meant to tie everything together. endgame was meant to be this great movie to sum everything up and tie it all together and to just make it make sense in other words.

there was so much hype surrounding endgame, so much pressure, so much excitement.

in my opinion? the joint effort of the writers and the directors managed to ruin it all. they managed to take a movie that was supposed to do so much for the mcu, to tie everything together as a final conclusion to this infinity saga and they blew it all up.

endgame wasn’t a horrible movie, but there were multiple parts that i (and multiple others i know of) did not like and i will be going over it in this post.

it’s not just because of steve’s ending, which i know, i know, i’ve bitching and crying about that for a while on this account. it’s more than just steve’s ending.

this post is a little all over the place but i’ll try to keep my thoughts together the best that i can.

just a disclaimer: UNDER THE CUT I WILL BE TALKING IN DEPTH ABOUT THE EVENTS OF AVENGERS: ENDGAME AND THIS WILL INCLUDE MAJOR SPOILERS ABOUT THE MOVIE SO PLEASE BE WARY. (if you haven’t, seriously where the fuck have you been) BUT IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ENDGAME AND DO NOT WISH TO HAVE IT SPOILED PLEASE SCROLL PAST THIS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

okay here we go !! so i made posts before about this but this is gonna just be a big long post about EVERYTHING and i’ll explain everything and why endgame sucked.

originally i had decided to go through scene by scene and talk about each scene but i mean, that’s not really the point of this post and frankly, doing that would probably make this post longer than i want it to be. so i will be focusing on the important scenes. the ones i think are most important to point out and talk about.

as i mentioned above the cut, it’s not just about steve. i know my user is peachrogers and steve rogers has always been my fave avenger. but its more than just steve’s ending and i’ll get into that as we get to it.

i used a transcript while writing this just to help me completely recall everything as it actually was since i don’t consider my memory completely reliable so i linked it if anyone else wants to look at it.

and again, as i mentioned above, i don’t hate everything about endgame. there were parts of endgame i did like and enjoy. tony and nebula playing paper football for example, i thought that scene was very endearing and adorable and carol coming to save them really made me happy.

but at the same time, there were scenes i did not enjoy. and i will be mainly going depth on those scenes since i kinda wanted to just summarize and explain and captalize on why endgame failed at doing the job it was meant to do in tying together these 22 mcu films released in the past 11 years.

so starting at the beginning of the film, after they find thaos and thor chops off his head and they have a five year time skip, we see steve, in a group therapy session.

where steve once again brings up the love of his life and how everyone has to move on. which SPOILER ALERT he doesn’t. this scene, when i first watched i was kinda like whatever, but watching it the second time and watching it now(or even thinking on it), it makes me SO SO mad. pretty sure they kept this scene bc one of the directors is in it. this scene also just makes steve contradict himself since he goes on about how important it is for to move on and yet he just doesn’t even follow his own advice in the end and it aggravates me which i will get into later on.

so skipping to after scott comes out of the time machine van and then steve goes to visit natasha. tbh everytime i watch this scene with natasha and steve, it always just breaks my heart because of the whole:

you know, i keep telling everyone they should move on and… grow. some do. but not us.

(there steve goes again just contradicting himself:(()

and

we both need to get a life.

you first.

and i remember reblogging a gif set of nat and steve with the same caption and i just :( bc of where they end up in the end and it’s just its really sad.

seeing tony and pepper with morgan and the fact that tony has finally achieved a level of normalcy where he has his own life with his wife and his child, it’s really nice to see. he definitely deserves it. and i completely understand tony shutting down steve, nat, and scott because he doesn’t want to risk everything especially if it doesn’t work and he ends up losing it. and i totally understood that.

the diner scene where nat, steve, and scott go to talk to bruce about time travel. first off, i just wanna point off how annoying that scene was ?? especially the part with the kids and them not wanting a pic with scott and apparently they only kept that part in bc one of the kids was one of the director’s kids?? there’s just so much wrong with it.

and now i move on to the great marvel cinematic universe version of time travel. which in itself really hardly makes any sense whatsoever since the directors and the writers both contradict each other on how it works. if you’re going to put time travel in your movie, i really feel like everyone should be on the same page on how it works but i mean, that’s just me.

it took me a little bit to understand it bc what the fuck.

the scene where clint,rhodey, bruce, nebula, and scott are discussing how time travel works and rhodey is just naming off all these time movies where time travel works the way that i see it as working(where your past completely changes your future/butterfly effect/chaos theory) and bruce and nebula basically debunk the whole thing and explain it as how changing your past doesn’t change your future and all the whole thing is just bullshit if you ask me. it’s so hard to understand.

okay im not here to argue about time travel. but let me just give some perspective. for me personally, i just see time travel to work like it did in life is strange because it makes more sense. if you change something in the past, that would directly impact your future. if you go in the past and prevent someone from dying, that would not just change the fact that they didn’t die but other factors would be affected too.

and when they brought in the alternate timelines and the “multiverse” it just made things so much more complicated for me.

and i have tried to educate myself more to understand it, i’ve read through multiple posts on the whole time travel thing and i’ve rewatched movies as well to try and understand.

i guess the biggest thing that didn’t sit well with me is just that the directors and writers WHO YOU WOULD ASSUME would bring some clarity and insight on the matter really just brought more confusion and only contradicted each other and i do Not Like it at all.

but i mean who cares about what we want ? it obviously doesn’t mean shit to them.

moving on.

uh lebowski thor idk at first i really wasn’t into it and i was kinda like wtf but i mean i’ve kinda come to be cool with the change in character. and apparently chris hemsworth was really into it so idk to each their own.

and just for the record: i think we all know that Noobmaster69 is deadpool

also i fucked loved the america’s ass joke but i’m pretty sure everyone did.

okay moving on to stony going to the camp lehigh in the 1970s. really i just want to address the scene where steve hides in peggy’s office. you see on her desk that one picture of steve and the picture of her kids and legiT PEGGY WAS RIGHT THERE IN THE OTHER OFFICE HOW DID SHE NOT SEE STEVE WHAT THE FUCK

god idk just thinking about how it was the 1970s and she still thinks about steve who tbh she hardly knew, especially if you compare him to idk daniel sousa ?? and steve saw the picture of her kids and he still was like lol yeah not moving on.

natasha dying okay yeah that was hard to watch. especially since she got nothing for it. tony gets a whole funeral with everyone and yeah ig she got that one moment with the five of them talking about trying to bring her back but that was it and i hate that. natasha deserved more love more attention more recognition way way more than what she got.

ON YOUR LEFT

okay idk how people heard steve’s avenger assemble when the fucker literally whispered it.

i mean it was really nice seeing everyone coming together and fighting and idk it was just everything to see the final fight against thanos.

ALSO CAP WIELDING MJOLNIR

tony dying, like i definitely did cry and it was sad, but in a way it was okay because he did it for them he did it for everyone.

there was an interview with the writers who said there wasn’t a draft where tony didn’t die and i don’t doubt it because i mean, i think it was needed. i think tony needed to be the one to do it.

and now we get to my favorite part. you know, the worst part of the movie. where steve just ruins everything.

in the process of returning the infinity stones, steve decides to create an alternate timeline with “peggy” and live out his life with her in that timeline while actual steve of that timeline is in ice.

okay listen i was cool with the final dance, i think that was definitely needed and it would’ve been a perfect end for steve to do that and return and idk give up captain america. but instead NO THEY HAVE TO DESTROY ALL OF captain america’s character development, all of peggy carter’s character development, RUIN BUCKY AND JUST RUIN EVERYTHING THAT WASNT OKAY I AM STILL JUST SO UPSET BECAUSE FOR STEVE TO JUST THROW EVERYTHING OUT THE WINDOW AND BE WITH PEGGY IN A DIFFERENT TIMELINE ITS NOT SOMETHING STEVE WOULD DO

we all know that is not something steve would do so it just it killed me and the directors hardly even gave an explanation for it and idk its just its such a let down and im just im not okay with it and i won’t be for a while. steve has always been my favorite avenger and for him to go out like this. its so disappointing, steve rogers deserved a better ending than this.

endgame sucked and its gonna take me a while to accept that endgame actually happened.

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1989xtaylorsversion · 3 years

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ariana grande releases “positions,” an album about finding love again. (my review)

ariana grande’s sixth studio album came and it came to serve. she details her journey to finding love again, and she looks good while doing it. the visuals are a fresh new vibe for her, and i’m here for it. i want to start doing album reviews, and i figured this would be a good place to start.

to be honest, i really didn't vibe with half of the songs on this album AT FIRST. but, the songs i hated ended up reallyyy growing on me, and now i love all of them, except for one (we’ll get there). i know people dragged her for this album, but i couldn’t care less what stan twitter says. half of stan twitter is made up of childish and delusional "fans” who have a problem with almost everything, and that goes for any artist, show, etc... it’s not just about ariana. so, if you want an honest review for anything, don’t go there or listen to what they say. people want ariana to keep making generic pop songs, and that’s just not who she is. she even admitted that she leans towards r&b more than pop, and i love that for her. i love thank u next, but “positions” might replace it as my favorite ariana grande album.

i said what i said.

lol actually idk.

it’s really hard for me to pick but my heart is telling me positions > tun, so i’m gonna listen to it.

anyways, onto the review.

1. shut up

this song is an intro, and according to ariana, it’s meant to set the tone for the album. she wants people to pay attention to the emotions and messages, not just the adult themes. i don’t know about anyone else, but i love it. the verses are cute and get right to the point, and her vocal range doesn’t fail to impress. i love the disney vibe it gives, especially at the end. it makes you pay attention, that’s for sure.

2. 34+35

ok... don’t come for me, but this song is making me conflicted. on one hand, it’s a bop and i know it’s not meant to be deep and meaningful. i can respect that and enjoy it for what it is. but, on the other hand, it’s one of her worst songs lyrically, and when you compare it to the other songs, it’s one of the most forgettable. the remix is better than the original, so at least there’s that saving grace. the first verse is actually one of my favorite parts coz it’s so unexpected, and the music video is great. the chorus shocked me, ariana really went there. i like the song, but if i had to rank it, it wouldn’t even make it to the top 5. it’s one of the weakest songs overall.

3. motive ft. doja cat

ahhh here is the first grower. fun fact, i really didn’t like this song at first. i thought it was short and repetitive, but then something changed within me and i made me love it. i think it’s the perfect length and the perfect bop. doja was a good choice for the track, and i actually like how they sound together. something else i want to note is a lot of the songs are pretty short on this album, which is good because it doesn’t make it feel endless. ariana doesn’t have a lot of songs under 3 minutes, and while i wish some songs were longer, the length felt appropriate most of the time.

4. just like magic

y’all... this song is everything!!!

this song puts me in the best mood. it’s so sweet and catchy, and i have nothing bad to say about it. my favorite lines are

Losing friends left and right But I just send 'em love and light (oh, whoa)

and

Take my pen and write some love letters to heaven

i don’t know if that line was a nod to mac (may he rest in the sweetest of peace), but i internally weep everytime i hear it. if i could have those lines on repeat for the rest of my life. i wouldn’t complain. great job ariana, you snapped on this track.

here’s a visual representation of all of my moods while listening to this song:

5. off the table ft. the weeknd

i love ariana and i love the weeknd. it’s a perfect mix. their last collaboration, “love me harder” is still a bop to this day, so when i found out he was on this track, i knew it would be one of my favorites, and i was right. it’s one of the lengthiest and slowest songs, but honestly i’m more of a fan of ballads than upbeat songs anyway. i always look for ballads and sad songs on any album i listen to, and without fail they’re usually my favorites. so, this song served. their voices are amazing together, and the meaning behind it makes me want to cry. it’s about ariana being scared of falling in love again, and it makes me want to give her a hug. i don’t know why but i love the way ariana sings this part

'Cause I ain't her and you ain't him, thankfully (baby, don't leave) But it's gon' be hard to let someone else in again (woah) Baby, baby (Woo-hoo)

6. six thirty

sooo remember earlier when i said, “i love all of them, except for one (we’ll get there).” well, we’re here. no matter how hard i tried, i could not bring myself to like this song. i hated it when i heard it and i hate it now. i think it’s one of the most boring and forgettable songs ariana has ever made. the meaning of the song is cute, but that’s literally the only compliment i have. i wish she had excluded this from the album. i love every other song, and honestly it makes me mad knowing it could’ve been a no skip album had this not been included.

also, i’m listening to it as i write this and my opinion still stands. i don’t know what “six thirty” stans see in this song, maybe i’m missing something. but, i’ll be skipping it. as my girl ariana said, “thank u next!”

7. safety net ft. ty dolla $ign

safety net stans, WE’VE WON!!

i. love. this. song. it is nothing short of perfection. i wanna thank ms. grande for deliveringggg! their voices blend so well together, and if they want to collaborate again in the future, i don’t think i’d mind. this song is so calming and peaceful and the meaning behind it is so adorable. i can’t relate, but i’m happy ariana can. my favorite lines are

You're making me forget my past Never thought I'd feel like that again I came to peace with my path Now you got me off track

and

I've never been this scared before Feelings I just can't ignore Don't know if I should fight or fly But I don't mind

the latter verse is especially my favorite. seriously, if i could have that on repeat i’d listen to it. thank u ms. grande for not disappointing on this track. she sparkled her magic all over it, and for that i’m grateful.

8. my hair

for some foolish reason, if you ever doubted ariana’s vocal ability before, let me direct you to “my hair.” this song is so calming, beautiful, and magical. it transports me to a different realm and it’s the perfect length. this was another grower, but i’m on the “my hair” train now, and i’m never getting off.

oh also, THE HIGH NOTES. WHAT??? WHO ELSE WOULD DO THAT BESIDES ARIANA GRANDE??? SHE. DID. THAT. i’m not even ashamed to admit sometimes i skip through the whole song and listen to the last verse just to hear her sensational high notes. it’s amazing and so is ariana.

9. nasty

i don’t know what else to say except nasty is everything. it makes me feel like i’m floating on a cloud. it releases the bad b inside of you, and let’s not forget the intro in which she starts the song with MORE high notes. she spared no falsettos in this album, thank goodness. if this song isn’t in your top 5, what are you doing with your life?? it’s magical, peaceful, and sensational.

10. west side

once again, “west side” was a grower. at first, i felt the same way to this song as i did with “six thirty.” i thought it was boring, but then one day it randomly got stuck in my head, and when i went back to listen to it, i really liked it. it’s not anything spectacular, it’s a cute song, so the short length is perfect.

11. love language

add this to the list of growers. i love the vibe of this song. it’s very theatrical and gives me circus vibes in the best way. it’s something different, and very cool. the lyrics are cute and calm. i will admit when i first heard it, i didn’t get the weird ending. the song stops and after a couple of seconds it picks back up for another 30 seconds or so. it’s an interesting twist, but it was so unexpected and it caught me so off guard that i literally thought i started a new song. i don’t know why she did that, maybe ariana wanted to keep us on our toes. she really said, “pay attention, and don’t get too comfortable.” i can respect that. the last verse was a nod to her boyfriend dalton, of course. i thought the last few lyrics were really cute and fitting since he’s a real estate agent.

I ain't tryna sign no lease I'm just gon' make you my home

12. positions

here she is, the title track. not gonna lie, i go through phases with this song. i loved it at first, but then i heard the rest of the album and i thought wow she pulled a taylor and picked one of the weakest songs as the single. it’s cute and catchy, but when you compare it to the other songs, it’s not one of the strongest. i still like it and i’ll listen to it, but it’s not going to be one of my favorites. the music video was exceptional though. ariana in the white house?

she’s got my vote!

nothing but respect for MY president!

one more...

ok you get it, i’ll stop.

13. obvious

i didn’t think this song was too special at first listen, but i changed my mind. i really like it now, and it’s one i’ve had on repeat. it’s cute and short, but it still makes me feel good. the lyrics are really sweet. good job ariana!

ladies and gentleman, put your phones on silent, the show is about to begin...

14. pov

@ ALL OF THE POV STANS, HAVE YOU RECOVERED?? BC I HAVEN’T.

HOW do you recover from that religious experience? i feel like i went to heaven. that’s the best way to describe this sweet and emotional ballad; you went to heaven. if pov isn’t your #1 fav from this album, rethink your life decisions. i implore anyone who doesn’t want to listen to the album to at least listen to this song. it’s too beautiful and the lyrics are something else. see for yourself.

I wanna love me (ooh) The way that you love me (ooh) Ooh, for all of my pretty And all of my ugly too I'd love to see me from your point of view I wanna trust me (trust me) The way that you trust me (trust me) Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do I'd love to see me from your point of view

i mean... come on...

and let’s not forget the bridge aka my FAVORITE PART

I couldn't believe it or see it for myself Boy, I be impatient, but now I'm out here Fallin', fallin', frozen, slowly Fallin', got me right I won't keep you waitin' (waitin') All my baggage fadin' safely (my baggage fadin') And if my eyes deceive me Won't let them stray too far away, I

i’m still not over it. clearly.

she sounds beautiful, and i choose to believe this song was crafted by God himself. i mean, how did she expect us to feel after ending the album with a BALLAD? it’s like ariana knew what i liked. thanks for catering to my wishes, girl. i have nothing bad to say about this song. if i could listen to the bridge on repeat (and i do), i’ll be happy.

overall thoughts:

like i said, people dragged ariana for not changing up her sound, and i don’t know if it’s because i’m not some music expert or what, but i don’t really care. i like this sound, and i don’t see anything wrong with it. let’s not forget the last time she experimented with a different sound we got the mess that was half of “sweetener.” half of that album is comprised of skips, sorry sweetener stans, i won’t lie. she released an album at a time where we all needed an escape, and i’m grateful for that. also, if you listen to the album in order, it tells a story of the fear of falling in love again, but eventually letting that fear go and finding happiness with a new person. it’s incredibly fitting with ariana, and i wish her nothing but the best with everything she’s gone through. i love this album, and that’s all.

the weakest songs: six thirty, 34+35, and positions

the strongest songs: pov, safety net, just like magic, and nasty

rating:

9/10

sending ariana love and light

#ariana grande #positions #pov #just like magic #ariana #album #thank u next #34+35 #my album review

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brokenhayatim · 3 years

Text

exhale

idk how long this is gonna be but it goes a little something like this. you ever been so afraid of failing that you just procrastinate and avoid for so long? each day you tell yourself you’ll finally suck it up and push through but the fear and anxiety are almost so paralyzing you don’t even wanna go near the task.

i’s just been months..like maybe even five at this rate. i tell myself to start the clock the day i graduated but i know the truth. the last year-ish was my idkwhatimdoingwithmylifeohmygod era and i just thought i passed it with a bit more advice and options. but it’s like it was all almost pretty bubbles and they just popped so long ago that i’m lost and confused and afraid and nervous and all of that is so ridiculous, it embarrasses me. i’m not really that lazy but i say it to try and explain alot, i think. or i say that i’m just relaxing or something, when i know everyday my thoughts are always on this same thing and never being good enough to get through the rut. it wasnt till i was on a walk, voice memo-ing a friend and the anxiety just peeked through a bit and i was hearing my own thoughts aloud like ....thats true? and i’m told to not be afraid and to just let whatever happens happen if it’s best for me and i know that but i also dont?

everyday i constantly think about deleting every single social media app i’m on bc i feel this heavy weight of uselessness and incompetence. why couldn’t i have learned things like this person or been more out there like that person?what’s wrong with me? and i begin to rationalize it with my childhood and how i was raised and it never is fulfilling. it’s constantly not enough, nothing about me is. i’m not creative at all and what i can do, so many can do better and so why would anyone actually pick me? even the things and issues i’m passionate about, what do i really know? even my knowledge seems so below average and it’s confusing and stressful. i feel like if someone asked me a question about anything right now that i’ve just forgotten everything important and couldn’t even articulate a proper response. and i wanted to be an activist??? since i have to interview for jobs online now bc the pandemic it’s made me so nervous. i feel most in my element during in person interviews and i say that as someone that’s also awkward and nervous in the room. but i’m more anxious of the constant string of rejections i know i’m gonna receive now bc i can barely speak english and there’s nothing special about me at all. at least in person, i can smile and make it less weird. and i connect so much better that way, which loosens me up .000009% more. it’s really babyish i guess bc everyone is adjusting and i’m just not. and i thought i was with everything but i guess i really wasnt. and coming home everytime makes me fall back into this person i dont like ad i get so sluggish (my sister says its the trauma) and i dont know bc one day she’s waking up in florida and being a good semi productive human and the next she’s back in new york and its many low days and nerves. honestly the way this house sucks the life out of me, i dont even think i’d be good at any remote job. it’s kinda the reason half my brain is pushing the dead part bc i want to leave. be more self-sufficient and alone again. but where and how, you know? obvs im gonna need a job for that. it’s just this domino effect and i’m scared to push the first one and it’s annoying and i hate it goddaammit. the moment i came home, i just have always felt unworthy and other to my family. like they don;t care, like they’re not proud, like i’ve done nothing these past years and that’s my fault for not being an open book like the rest.

i’m gonna have to edit this bc i will not remember 87 months worth of pandemic thoughts into this post right now but. i tell myself i came home and decided to take a break for a bit, or focused on my health and appointments, but really..i dont know. i think i say it to justify all these hollow days of disappointment, which it never does. i’m afraid to ask for help or even a nice job recommendation from my last employer bc all i can think about is that it’s been months and what have i been doing this whole time? and i think they’ll ask that or think ??? now ??? and i get in my head. i know its not illogical and the worst anyone can say is no and yada yada but ugh this is why i hate my mind and just overthinking ... or not thinking?? who knows. i’m constantly letting myself down but .., i dont want anyone to know that. does that make sense. maybe i have this need to be superficial and make my life seem so nice and good and right bc i never see myself as that and i worry of people’s opinions and crave affirmations.

the first appt i had coming home was my neurosurgeon one and my dad and him sort of just had this rushed timeline in their heads of how i would go into the ER one day soon and bam its done. i didnt wanna think about that so i tried to focus on my job stuff .. then got stressed so i just started scheduling the appointments i needed. then stopped and did more work stuff. then the secretary called me like ???? u havent done these exams yet and i was like yeah uhhh. bc when i do them it’s one step closer to doing the surgery and i know i want the surgery i’m just getting in my head again and don’t want it to be now. my sister told me to make sure i let her know when i choose a date and i was like mhm i wanna finish the job stuff and get my life sorted first and she was just ???? what ?? this is clearly more important. but here’s the kicker. i went on a walk the other day and just cried coming to terms with it all bc honestly i still dream of not making it out alive and a part of me thinks, at least if i did this one thing right and found a job and all that, that it would okay what happens next. like at least i was successful in that one thing. i think about how unworthy and unproud i am of myself and for months now, just felt like this would be a beautifully cowardice way out. and i think about the after, and cant even imagine strong devastation and sorrow. is that strange? like i expect everyone to just go on. bc i’m a simple buffer with no real purpose left. i walk and think about dreams and hopes and what i would miss and just one thing that make me call this entire fantasy completely insane and i just draw blank. so i cry because, of course. this fantasy isn’t new either, since last year i’ve been speaking to my therapist and writing about it. we would speak of suicide and i always respond like that’s a huge no bc of my religion but i say, i think about if something went wrong and that was it, how i want it to be like that. take the pressure, take the blame, take it all off me in a way. and some days i’m scared that i’ll wake up in the hospital bed after and be in pain and coddled and annoyed by the attention i’m only getting bc of that pain. and i dont want you to be here just because of the pain but i feel like you’re here only because of that. that you came, that you’re seeing me, that you care only because of it. so what am i without it? just back to nothing? the headaches were lonely but i feel less lonely with this diagnosis, like i have something good about me, worthy about me. something that makes me important to someone, even if it’s the neurologist that wants my money. to be real, i dont even think i care about the pain leaving as much as the fact that i can’t label myself as this person with chronic pain. like even if i was cured and oo lala all better, a part of me would still want to have this neuro condition. like ?? i was thinking: imagine beating cancer and feeling better but wanting to say .. and then realized the key difference. with that you survive, you are survivor. even if it’s gone that who you are. when this leaves me, i’m nothing and i’ll just go back to being nothing. no one says u survived brain surgery or survived a brain condition. it’s just done and forgotten. there’s nothing exciting about my life other than my mri visits i swear. i decided to do the surgery bc it would be stupid of me not to, and i’m still holding back, still unsure of even a set month. i just know i didnt want to follow covid rules of 1 visitor bc i know it would be one of my parents and i would jump out the window myself. but covid isnt rlly going away so is that the best excuse i have? i havent thought past these appointments and its almost like im doing it all for the wrong reasons, like enjoying it rather than wanting it to help me. i dont know.

unrelated but a song that always makes me cry and is actually the song i was listening to when i had that panic attack on the plane: finally by james arthur around 2:30. always brings out the hollowness in me hm.

**** i’m coming back to this but i got all my plaguing thoughts outish so

#asiya's thoughts

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kuukkeli25 · 6 years

Text

20 questions for end of year (self reflection)

i found this on pinterest and wanted to do this. Feel free to do this too if you want☆

1. What is something I accomplished this year that i am proud of? - Get rid of my worst anxiety and i can like just make plans without overthinking every little detail.

2. What is something i did this year that I think I will remember for the rest of my life? - being out in the closet to my mom and accepted myself the way im ❤🌈

3. What was the most challenging part of this year for me? - winter time

4. In what area do i feel i made my biggest improvement? - i think i dont judge myself as much as earlier.

5. If i could change one thing that happened this year, what would it be? - went to one info thing about gardening school which i just ignored bc of my tiredness, i would have some plans to next year.

6. What are 3 most important things i learned this year? - outlining struggle can be my strenght to my photography, having some people behind my back where i can get comfort if something surprising and unexpected happens in my life is super important(dont have any of that yet) & every person sees and experience same thing different ways.

7. What 3 things did i do this year to help those around me? - photographed my own way and did my best (outlining struggle really havent been on my way in photography), listened to my therapist & learned that thing at school.

8. What was the nicest thing someone did for me this year? - get all that support for my gf @banaaniarse to my mental illnesses ❤

9. What is something that was hard for me at the start of the year but is easy now? - have conversations with others (face to face)

10. Of the books i read this year which was my favourite and why? - 'cry me a heaven/ itke minulle taivas' poet book bc there was so many things i found relatable and i found a lot of my thoughts what had been put into words.

11. Which person has made the biggest impact in my life this year? Why? - one finnish youtuber (maiju voutilainen) bc she have done so much good with her videos and when i had my worst times her videos my escape and it always helped when i watch her videos. It has important part in my heart bc one time when my depression/anxiety was worst possible i watched her videos and it made me feel so much better everytime ❤ im super thankful and it was one of greatest moments when i saw her live but like couple hundread meters away on stage. I still would like to meet her in general some day she also wrote 'cry me a heaven/itke minulle taivas' poet book.

12. What could i have done to make this year better? - plan more things to be away from home.

13. What 3 adjectives best describe this year? - less anxious, exhausting & powerful

14. Knowing what i know now, if i would travel back in time to start of 2017, what advice would i give myself? - you are enough the way you are & trust peoples as long as they prove you wrong.

15. When i consider the rest of my life, what percentage of what i learned this year do i think will be useful to me? - 100% of the things i have learned.

16. On a scale of 1-10, how i fared this year? - i would say 5 out of ten bc i fared better but i could fared much better too.

17. Who do i want to celebrate my victories with? - @banaaniarse ❤

18. What are my most important goals for next year? - find trustful friends, get better with my mental healt, be better to my gf❤, find something what im gonna do after my photography studies end & financial stability thhat i could even consider to move on my own.

19. How am i planning on achieving them? - to do my best and trying to be more open minded & open hearted.

20. What should i do differently next year? - focus on future and do my best to think more forward & being positive.

#about me #positive #inspirational #self post #long post

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themeltedheadaches · 6 years

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ALL THE ASKS DO IT unless ur too busy #collegelife love u ❤❤❤❤

LOVE U BOO never too busy for u (also using this to procrastinate on my french composition so)

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

i eat my cereal………………….dry…………..

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

YES that’s literally my life now. i love it but also my nose was running today all the way to get coffee in downtown. i was in THREE LAYERS it is not even DECEMBER

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

answered! :)

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

if i’m going to be a bitch and just get plain coffee, i’m gonna get it black bc otherwise i’ll just have a white mocha or a cappuccino or something (the ppl at the campus coffeeshop know who i am. they know my order. “one sin-ful latte coming up!” thank u for fueling my Addition.) i take my tea with milk and sugar if it’s black tea ((earl gray)) or with honey if it’s green tea. if it’s white tea i’ll sometimes have it with sugar, and if it’s something like peppermint or lavender or chamomile i’ll just have it plain. IM A PICKY BITCH

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

i used to be! but now i like it.

6: do you keep plants?

YES pls pray for them

7: do you name your plants?

answered! :)

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

poetry! i like to watercolor too, actually, though i left them at home :(

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

YES i miss my car bc that’s when i would have Prime Time to sing and hum to myself or along to whatever song i live for at the moment. (i’m into a musical rn and i can’t yell the lyrics out i’m so ANnoyed Always)

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

answered!

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

i have fucking countless at home……. at college there are quite a few too! as in: “hypothetically, vodka?,” “fuckinG,,,WHAT,” “[blow twice] [slurp sound] [tongue click] noice.,” “SHPEAKERSH OHN!,” “over there! like, over there? over there. over there?,” “just going to go kick some nutria,” and of course, the classic, “same, but jewish.”

12: what’s your favorite planet?

URANUS actually tho it’s uranus. i had to do my planet project on it in the 4th grade and i gave my brother AND mother silent treatment for two days bc they laughed at its name. i’m very protective

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

i saw my favorite puppy on campus again today!! he’s grown so much!! also my poetry professor’s wife had a successful surgery! #GoMeredith

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

SO MESSY………………….listen. @michelle i’ve seen ur room, and i would just accept that that is how we live now and it’s fine. it would also be aesthetic as fuck tho tbh. full of yarn and animal fur. and books. and junk food #RIFP

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

if saturn’s rings were a meter long, they would be 10000 times thinner than a razorblade! what the fuckkkkkkkkkkk

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

UHHHHH fucking;;;;;;;;what how am i supposed to #represent my italian fmaily with this DISGUSTING question,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, jk i fuckig love risotto, just ur basic bitch peas and cheese risotto and i’ll cry. also?? gnocchi!! holy shiiiiiiiit.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

my hair has such good color i’d actually rather shave it all off than dye it :/

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

HHHHHHHH yesterday. LITERALLY yesterday. there was a french club meeting that served cheese and bread! so i took my Good Friend WIliam (who is not in french, unlike me), and we walk into the room, and i say “helLO!” bc that’s good manners, when you’re going to just get food and leave, and it’s dead silent. i get food and leave. william has told everyone in our entire hall twice.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

answered!

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

i’m so biased……….but……..brown………..

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

my brown leather one! it’s actually super fake leather and i got it from target!! but it’s cute and small and somehow fits everything i need to put in it, including 3 beers and my wallet and 2 phones last weekend. i’ve had for 4 years now

22: are you a morning person?

yes! i like waking up early actually

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

go on youtube and waste time, or walk around campus/downtown with friends, or shop!

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

yes

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my cousin’s RV

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

my brown leather boots! wow there’s a trend here lmao. actually i’ve had two pairs of these bc my first was falling apart?? i used them first in a cosplay……in the 7th grade………..(i was matt from death note and to this day i’m STILL not fucking ashamed, i had the wig and goggles and everything.) i love them and wear them all the time, they’re so comfy and warm and stylish and i feel like a hacker badass everytime i wear them. still to this day.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

bubblegum gives me hives i do Not enjoy it :(

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset!

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

one of my friends down the hall will call things/ppl “cute as pie” completely genuinely!! i love her!!

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

oh yeah

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

i fucking love them thanks end of story. wearing them makes me feel cozy and put together and also atm my dorm floor is Disgusting. i sleep with them when it’s cold and my feet are dry! i have so many fun socks it’s great. i love them. socks are highly underrated.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

my friend and i were driving around evERYWHRE basically, we went from pasadena/san marino to like. hollywood all the way to beverly hills and back and it was wonderful, we stopped 3 times to chase stray cats, take shitty pictures, go to iHop, and almost died several times bc hE SNAPS AND DRIVES at NIGHT on LA FREEWAYS

33: what’s your fave pastry?

croissants, followed by scones, followed by coffeecake

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

bunny the stuffed bunny! she’s pretty large, like as long as my torso! she’s white fabric with colored fluffy bits and very floppy, loose ears. she has green button eyes that i had my grandma sew on bc otherwise she actually scared me a bit when i was a kid, but i loved her anyway bc my great-grandmother sewed her for me in the first place. bunny still lives on my bed at home!

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

YES! i ddon’t use them very often though bc i feel like i should save them for something. rip me

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

stromae hands down

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

clean….i’m so lazy tho

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

sudden loud noises, being startled, being touched physically when i don’t expect it, someone making assumptions about me, being dismissed, being told what i want or what i’m going to do, borrowing something of mine w/o telling me, being interrupted

39: what color do you wear the most?

HONESTLY black bc i’m an emo bitch

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

one i’ve been wearing a lot is the fork ring i got from the portland saturday market! it’s literally the tines of a vintage fork separated from the part you hold, sanded down so it’s round, and looped into a ring shape. i fidget with it a lot and it reminds me of my mom and step-dad, bc i got it when i was with them. i wear it mostly everyday tbh

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

new american best friend by olivia gatwood in general, or thick as thieves by megan whalen turner when i re-read it out loud to my mom on the ride up to college

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

yeeeeeeS i have several! the bistro, which is on campus: it’s so comfortable, it has couches everywhere and board games and so many books and zines and the walls are half chalkboard so there’s always art or snark everywhere. the music is super eclectic (it was lorde yesterday, today when i went in it was old-school 90s rap), plus it’s student run so the coffee and pastries and food are SO GOOD. the archive, which is downtown, is really boujee as fuck but it’s SO COOL. it’s so fucking aesthetic, with brown leather stools and uncomfortable booths and vintage books and stuff everywhere. for half the day, it’s a coffeeshop, and after 7, it becomes a bar. then back home, of course, coffee bean and tea leaf is the classic

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

half my hall when we went star tripping at the start of the year!

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

honestly the last time it was genuine was probably around…….january? i was in so much emotional pain and grief, but i was surrounded by family who loved me and were in that same pain and were so happy i was with them to help and be there with them. i wasn’t serene per say, or at peace, but there was this equilibrium….

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yes!

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

my RA told me this one this morning: did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory in france this morning? de-brie everywhere!

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

tomatoes

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

spiders, YES

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i do…………………….. it was the soundtrack to romeo et juliette (2010)

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

everything; stickers, pressed flowers, rocks, receipts

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

the easiest one is when i think of my roommate, davey the dog’s barking cover of “do the hustle”

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

no, yes, no, no, it was okay

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

ME, BITCH

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

chugged an an entire pitcher of water to prove i could, three times

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

genuineness! vulnerability! eye contact! fidgeting!

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

made me feel PUMPED, and of course i did

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

i am both

59: what’s your favorite myth?

uHHHHHHHHHH i love the myth of beowulf actually bc i had to do a project on it once, i have a soft spot for it, i love all myths tho wtf

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

YES,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, recently some of my favorites are the entirety of a montage of a dream deferred by langston hughes, “totem sonnets” by sherman alexie, “on earth we’re briefly gorgeous” by ocean vuong, “one art” by elizabeth bishop

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

stupid gifts are nonexistent :/

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

noooo

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

yes lmao…….i kinda leave them be but i don’t like it if i let someone borrow them and they trash them uGH

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Pitch Black

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

YES

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

morning glories, lavender, baby’s breath!

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

very good, thankfully, bc i am in oregon

68: what’s winter like where you live?

in LA, it’s cold and sweet and late and breathless and i adore it

69: what are your favorite board games?

jenga, clue, ??

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

NONONONONO

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

peppermint for mornings, earl gray for evenings!

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

yes, sadly

73: what are some of your worst habits?

biting the skin around my fingers, bouncing my knees incessantly, procrastinating on my french compositions……

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

well there’s this amazing person who i met in freshman year german…….;)

75: tell us about your pets!

i WISH

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

yes :(

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

pink of course

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i am the true hateclub: i don’t react. do not give them power. they Feed off of your Hatred

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

get me flowers, surprise me with chocolate, come up to me and compliment me on my writing, etc!!

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

at home my walls are a soft orangey-peach, which is picked bc i love it. here, my walls are very very white, which i did not pick, but am neutral towards.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

circuit-board chips busted open

82: are/were you good in school?

ehhhhhhh

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

MELODRAMA

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

yes! a minimalistic double-delight rose for my great-grandmother, “love ya!” in my grandpa’s handwriting, maybe a nutshell with a crown over it (for the “king of infinite space” bit in hamllet), possibly “soyez réaliste, demandez l’impossible!” (be realistic, demand the impossible!) from the french student revolution in the 60s

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

somewhat, def hawkeye or the young avengers bc i’m basic :/

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

the only one i’ve rlly ever listened to is fucking danger days, so i worship them obviously

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

i think ppl should make their own agendas :/ however, i have deeply loved secondhand lions, up, moonlight, the grand budapest hotel, and other basic bitch things

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

impressionism!! aaaaaaa!!! also just shove me in front of abstract art and i’ll fall for it!!!

89: are you close to your parents?

so so so so close to my mom and step-dad, on okay terms with my dad

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

listen to me. I LOVE SEATTLE. art! fish market! weird side streets! mean street art! bitchy coffee!! neon everywhere!! a big fuckin needle in the sky!

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

ITALY THIS SUMMER IM SO EXCITED i’m gonna meet all my mom’s friends from her semester abroad that she’s kept, i’m gonna see what she saw when she was my age, i’m gonna see where my dad’s family is from maybe if we go south???, i’m gonna see all the places and things she used to tell me about to get me to dream big and want to see the world and experience what’s out there!! aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

depends on the pasta

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

down bc i’m fucking lazy and also inept when it comes to doing things with hair

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

my friend across the hall from me, who is now 19 years of bitchiness!

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

stay in, study, maybe go to a kickback tho

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

lol i put them off until my computer ceases to function altogether

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

zodiac obviously

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

fucking…….summer?? i did!

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

“feelings” by hayley kiyoko, “vacation town” by the front bottoms, “february” by beach bunny, “hard feelings/loveless” by lorde, “moon river” by henri mancini, “let me in” by flor, “a million miles away” by the plimsoles, “girls like me” by bonnie hayes, “love my way” by the psychedelic furs, the entire legend of zelda soundtrack, “place, je passe” from the mozart l’opera rock soundtrack, etc etc

#ask

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markleetrashh · 7 years

Text

Fool;Jaehyun

Genre: extreme angst im ready to make y'all cry

Request: I'd like to request an angsty Jaehyun scenario where he starts dating you bc of a bet he made with his friends and you find out and breakup with him but he actually truly loves you. Sorry if this was confusing.

A/N: okay so i used fool by winner for this scenario because it's one of my favourite songs and it fits this scenario perfectly so!! and this is quite long and im proud of myself for writing this so i hope y'all like it too!

------

I was a fool

Nothing is gonna change

Even if I’m sorry now

I know

He hesitantly looked at you, remorse and sorrow filling his eyes. Your cold and intense gaze was set on the book you were holding in your hand, as you tried to ignore his presence.

But a part of you wanted to be back in his arms- even after 4 months.

You miss him.

And you loved him.

Out of all places, you had to coincidentally meet him at the small little cafe down the street.

It's not like he had not been clinging on to you and trying to win you back for the past few months.

But you resisted.

You didn't want to be with someone who didn't love you as much as you did.

"Y/N... Um.. How are you?" he asked in a soft tone.

You ignored him and flipped the page of your book.

He sighed, then bit his lips. But not giving up, hs asked again, "Are you busy these days? You haven't been replying my calls or texts"

Your heart ached a little.

But you pressed on.

You ignored his words again, your eyes fully focused on the words on the page.

Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, then took your hand in his. You tried pulling away, but he held it tightly, and you could see clearly the eyebags that formed under his eyes and amount of weight he loss as you struggled to pull away.

"What are you trying to do right now?" you asked him sternly, keeping a straight face.

He flinched a little, then sighed, and you saw his eyes becoming teary. "I'm really sorry, i only just realised how much you mean to me and i know i shouldn't have done it but i really do love you and-"

"It's already over anyways, is there still a point in saying all these?" you cut him off, a look of frustration on your face.

He bit his lips again, "I just really hope you can forgive me and i just... really love you"

You shook your head and scoffed, "If you really did you should have put in more effort, but you didn't. It's too late Jaehyun, you need to let everything go"

You grabbed your book and bag, the shot him one last glance, "If i can, then you can too"

But in fact, you couldn't, and didn't.

But you had to lie and convince yourself.

Jaehyun sat back in dejection on the back of the seat, his tears rolling down his cheek.

He knew it was going to turn out this way.

He took in a deep breath as his hands rubbed lightly against the screen of his phone, where a picture of the both of you shone brightly.

He misses you.

If only he didn't do it

------

Stupid bastard, foolish bastard

I know now that it’s all my fault

Jaehyun had his arms all around you, as he lazily gave you a peck on your forehead. You giggled softly to yourself. His chin was resting on your head, as he used his phone, humming in response to your words.

"How cute would it be if we stay together till we die?" you asked innocently, your fingers in his soft locks, as you admired his beautiful skin and features from below.

He let out a small laugh, his dimple showing evidently. "That would be very cute" he replied with almost no sincerity, but you ignored it anyways, since all you cared about was being with him.

He made you happy.

Never did you think that you'd be together with him, considering the fact that the both of you had total opposite personalities and interests.

One fine day he started hitting you up and talking to you at the library, the place you like to go to.

And all his friends were so supportive of his actions, it seemed to you like his feelings was sincere.

After two long months of getting to know each other even more, you realised you had already fallen for him.

Only he had the power to make you happy.

Small dates at cafes and carnivals led to lazy cuddling and movie marathons at each others' house.

And it was not until when you realised Jaehyun's lips was on yours, his hands under your as your legs wrapped around his lean body, that you realised the both of you were madly in love with each other.

At least you thought so.

Until that one day you heard everything, which left you in devastation and pure agony. But you said nothing about it, because you loved him too much.

You were helping him to fold his clothes and laundry at his house, waiting for him to come back from his short meeting with his friends.

At the side of your eye, you caught a glimpse of a family leather black wallet sitting on his bed top, and it occured to you that he had forgotton to bring his wallet- which had almost everything he needed inside.

He didn't pick up your call.

You remember him telling you the name of the restaurant they were going to meet up at, and knew that it wasn't far away from his place.

In hopes that he'd smile and and thank you upon seeing how you made your way down to pass him his wallet, you were faced by another sight.

"So... How's she? Dude i didn't know you could last more than 3 months, are you starting to have feelings for her?" the brown-haired man asked Jaehyun with a big smile, hitting your boyfriend's back lightly.

"Honestly not yet? But she's really nice and sweet though, do you think it's right to do this?" Jaehyun asked, then shook his head.

Was 'she' referring to you? What was happening?

You frowned as you stayed well hidden, as you pressed on to continue listening.

Another man spoke up, patting Jaehyun's head, "Who was the one who was so hard up on this bet three months ago? Don't regret your decisions Jae"

"You're right Johnny"

"Oh, someone even set her as your lockscreen, you sure you don't have feelings for her?"

You saw Jaehyun blush a little, but kept his cool and scoffed a little, "I have to let her know i love her right?"

You knew that his lockscreen was you.

He had taken it while you were doing your work.

"You look cute"

You wanted to break down so badly.

So all of these had been a lie?

You wanted to confront him, and you had many questions.

But you couldn't do or say anything.

Something was pulling you back.

You didn't want to lose him.

So you acted like you didn't know anything.

You lied to yourself and told yourself he would at least have the slightest feelings for you.

If not, why was he able to give you a big warm hug and a long kiss everyday without fail? Why would give you small little compliments and pecks on the cheeks after, and blush everytime you called him cute?

------

I’m selfish, I’ve always been

I only think about myself

I think I’m crazy

The person who pushed you away is me

After the 6th month, he became to grew distant.

Skinships became lesser and he spoke to you even lesser now.

It was as though he wasn't interested at all.

And you knew why.

You engulfed him a big and tight hug in your arms as soon as he stepped into the house, but his arms didn't wrap around yours like they used to, his head simply just resting on yours.

You tried to ignore the aching pain in your chest, the one you had been feeling for the past two months.

At least seeing him everyday made you happy.

But it killed you internally too.

"How was work?" you asked lovingly, your hands making their way to his. He moved slightly away, and you looked at him as your heart sank.

He replied with almost no emotion, "It was fine"

His eyes were glued to the television screen, and he didn't look at you even once, as compared to when he would always stare at you with those doe-like eyes, lighting up as you smile.

"Had a bad day? Or..? Can i do anything to make it better-"

"No, thanks"

You couldn't deal with this anymore.

A rush of anger ran up your body as you threw the pillow on the floor, as you watched Jaehyun stare at you in confusion.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Can you at least show me that you care for me? Jaehyun i'm already suffocating and hurting on my own everyday, can you please make it better for me?"

Jaehyun scoffed, and he gave you the most intense glare he had ever, "What do you mean? Why are you pushing everything to me right now?"

You bit your lower lip as you rolled your eyes, "You know best Jaehyun. Here i am trying my best every single day for you, hoping that you'd share the same feelings i have for you but your actions right now clearly shows it isn't working."

"I'm just tired, of course i love you, what do you mean by 'share the same feelings'?"

You scoffed, "The bet. I know everything, stop pretending."

His eyes widened, "Y-You knew...? How did you-"

"I'm done with this bullshit Jaehyun. I hope you had fun on this bet while i was here suffering alone for 6 months, being fooled by you and your bunch of oh-so-great friends for dating me, thinking that you actually had genuine feelings."

And with that, you walked out of the house, and never once looked back.

You needed to let go.

------

If I can see you once more

A last glimpse of you even for a short moment

But Jaehyun only got worst.

The night after he found himself missing your presence, the familiar and comforting hold around his body as you would wrap yourself tightly around his body.

The day after that he found himself staring and looking at all photographs and pictures of the both of you, as he'd smile and laugh, reminiscing all the memories of the both of you. But would start tearing up and crying unknowingly when he realises what he had done.

He found himself texting and calling you constantly, trying his best to apologise and make it up to you.

He realised how happy he was throughout the months he was with you.

And he realised that unknowingly, he had started to have genuine feelings for you.

He loves you.

You found his waiting at your doorstep one day, his arms behind his back, head hanging down as he waited patiently for you.

"Y/N... I-"

But you walked past him and unlocked the door to your house, and without saying anything, you slammed the door in front of him.

You heard his breath fasten a little, and you heard his soft and small little cries, but still tried to say a few words to you,

"I really do love you and i'm sorry, i know it's hard but please give me a chance?"

Upon these words, you broke down as you fell weakly onto the floor, pulling your legs closer to your body.

You wanted to forgive him, but at the same time, you wanted to forget him.

It was too much for you to handle.

You’re radiating and you go far far away

I try to feel the scattered memories

I miss you every every day

Yes I know I’m late

Come back to me like nothing ever happened

Jaehyun grabbed onto the piece of cloth in front of him and brought it up close to his face, as the comforting and warmth scent of you caused his tears to roll down again.

It was the only piece of you he had left.

"I'll be leaving for a few years, don't bother finding me anymore. Please let go"

He clenched his heart tightly as the last few words from you rang through his mind, as he took even bigger breaths as his crying got worst- he was a mess right now.

"Jaehyun.. Please call us when you see this, we're all worried... and sorry"- taeyong hyung

Jaehyun felt a pain in his chest, as he let out a frustrated yell, then threw punch to the wall beside him.

He hated himself.

Why didn't he cherish you while he could?

He threw another punch, and soon enough, his knuckles and hands were filled with scratches and cuts, as small bits of blood started to be more visible.

He didn't care.

The pain in his heart hurt more tham anything else.

He wished everything was back to before.

He wished he hadn't done anything at all.

He wished he could turn back time and make up to you.

He regretted everything.

And it was already too late to realise that he genuinely loves you,

because you were already gone.

You are such a fool, Jaehyun.

#jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #nct scenarios #nct jaehyun #nct #nct 127 #nct u #jung yoonoh #nct angst

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