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sfrenato-libero
sfrenato, libero
mage8
All small beasts should have bows on their tails
whiteknightxmadhatter
Motivational Shayari | Motivational Hindi Quotes
little-bunny-in-space
Little Lamb
pharaoh105
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#ill never be loved#i cant love anyone else roght so why shpuld ibe#no one will understand or likeme#its impossible#itcsnt happen#ursnot possible#igive up#im not good enough to grpw#or be better#just this selfish thing filled with ugly thpughts that the world hates
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Ihateeverything
#im not accepted here#im not accepted in koreaor jp#i dpnt belong anywhere#the place icall home hatesme#why did i think it'd be any different#why did i imaginesuch a beight futurr#why#im aliar#i always said i never hate#ihate everything#thats alie i haye everything#nothing ismeaningful
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#if i just detach from everything#and shatter the old version of myself#rip it to shreds burn it#will anyone like me better#will anyone approve of me?#can i even approve of me?#i dont know#i just feel disgusted#im everything i dislike#selfish petty emotionally overemotional and toxic#all these years ive complained about these things and i never stopped to realise that i was only complaining about myself#i want to do something#alot of things#so manythings i wont have time to look around me#i wont have to see and feel these things#i can just work and climb my way up#this version of myself is worse than the one before#ill dissapear from everything that i am now and never return to it
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#i dont know what to do but those selfish feelings came back.#its the only thing sworling around in my heart lately#and jealousy#everyone else is moving on#going further and far eithout me#looking and feeling better#and im stuck#the same person#the same person for years#nothing has changed at all#why do i feel that way#everyone is always better than me#everyone can just ignore people that hurt them and be strong and better#i guess im just weak i dont know#whats the piunt of sharing these feelings if none of them are good#people get tired of negative people#im sorry i can never get rid of these feelings as easy#im trying so hard to ignore them#bury them#i dont want anyone to keep seeing me as a bad person#im not asking for sympathy or attention#in fact its the last thing i want#I've been informed i do certain actions for attention#i wanna avoid that as much as possible. im a bit tired of myself#i dont see myself in the mirror anymore#i just see somone whose bitter and exhausting to others#my family agrees#and ive lost enough friends to know that i am#i dont know what to do to myself but run from it and disappear#disappear and never come back
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Have you even waited so long to meet someone super important to you and you screw everything up before you guys can.
#i dont get spoken to as much anymore#or with the same energy#i feek really bad i wish i never said such shitty things#it diesnt feel the same#its just this petty feeling of jealousy and i hate myself for feeling it#they talk to everyone ekse so much differently.#i wanna shake the hell out of myself three months ago
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I want to approach them and tell them i care about them alot
But i already know the reaction I'll get and it scares me. I also don't think they want to hear anything from me anymore
They spents so long hearing my mouth run at them for 8 years.
Our friendship was never fair. And I'm sorry..
I sucked. I really thought I was being some good "brotherly" figure and i was literally being the worst opposite for them. And everyone around me. I'm sorry. Maybe that's why they felt controlled by me.
I don't want them living with me when I move away. If they had to deal with that then I don't think they deserve to deal with it now. I can see they're happy with their friends they've made. And that their dream is something entirely different. I'm glad they're reaching it.
If they still wanna be my friend or visit me that door is always open. But I highly doubt it may ever be reopened. I'm someone who burned them like others have. And to that im dissapointed in myself.
I'm sorry. I'm trying to improve. I'm realising so many things and I feel really bad about this. I'm sorry. I hope they get their dreams to come true. I know they'll nake it. They always have. They never needed me from the start. They always had that knack. I'm actually in awe at their strength.
I really wanna thank them for so long. They really helped me change. They took my world and flipped it in the best way. I'm so glad they let me be their friend. There were times I lived day by day just to see them and hear from them. When they were gone everything was empty. But whenever they came back everything always felt like home again. They were number one in making my world feel normal. I know its unfair to have relied on them like that I know.
But they always did their best and so much for me everyday. I wish them everything good. They were always the best friend. The one I had always wished for. I'm thankful for all these years. And I wish that one day someone with a bright light gives their life color. I hope they find the best happiness in the world.
Thank you for being here even if you didn't want to. For all the times you stopped everything for me. I'm sorry I was always so selfish. I hope you find your light and hope again.
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I wish i could've done more
I wish i could have just shut up and been better.
I wish i wasnt so demanding
So needy
I'm sorry.
#i think what hurts me the most is that I used to be considered a big brother but since then I've been removed from that to just a friend#thats the worst feeling about this whole thing#i hear bestie bestie bestie everyday#and im just called by my name or not even at all#i know we weren't actually related but I considered them family since we met#i guesd it's kinda all hitting at once and feeling it rn#abt ☾
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The nightmares are back
About ❌. He threatened to end himself because of 🚫 but when i got there he had already set the fire. I disnt like any of that i dont want ❌ back. I dont want it at all. All the calling me fat and making me feel stupid and telling me no one will ever care about me in life. 🚫 telling me I have no friends. I never will. My "fake friends" using me as their token black friend so they wont be racist. Or that they never loved me and this is why i lost them. ❌ turned her into him. But made her comforting amd sweet at times so its so confusing it hurts.
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I think what bothers me the most is that lately all I've been wanting is their approval.
Them to tell me they want me around.
Or that I'm a good friend for them.
And for some reason when they mention other friends I feel envy?? Not really envy but a feeling of "That could have been you and you screwed it up." And it just shakes me to the core.
I'm trying to be better and figure out what I can do to improve and its just. These little thinfs that are driving me crazy.
#thats your fault#you messed that up#yeah he's cool#abt ☾#all I'm hearing in my head is#i know i have to deal with the consequences of this#but it just doesnt stop it from hurting#I hate myself for it#i wish i could be a good example of a friend again#or admirable or just the one that people are like#i should not be complaining#i know i dealt more damage#but im really feeling all shasken up inside and i dont know why
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Im so sorry i was a bad friend
I never forgave myself
#theres a reason i was blocked by one#ghosted by another#seven years isnt thay long ago#i havent changed#i havent changed at all#im not good enough i never was
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I get i have no right rn to be upset and i should deal with it quietly but I feel like I wanba explode. I've been trying to be an adult and deal with it. But its so hard when people last minute drop stuff on me and then say i never do anything for them ever. I'm exhausted and I havent had energy for anything anymore.
#all I ever do is upset her and then she snaps at me and puts my sister above me.#im nice to her#i clean her clothes#her shoes her house and get her groceries. sure she pays for it but im the one to haul that shit home alone#she doesn't cook or clean and when she does she throws a huge tantrum while she does it.#all everyone ever does is tell me what all im doing wrong#it urks me#i cant talk to me friends about this cause i spent alot of years whining to them anyway#im a big hypocrite so i really have no room to talk#i cant tell ☾ cause I'll only get a cold response#i cant tell 👽 cause they're usually very busy#i cant tell ✡ because they never talk to me unless its been another 7 months#i love all of these friends but its hard to talk to them about anything.#they can be nice but one makes you feel stupid#the other two are just never there#I know i shoukd ignore my parent but its hard when i can never get privacy#Its like being on a leash it makes you feel like you have freedom you were never given.#without ever going too far
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#i feel so uncomfortable#they just tell me they wont take their meds anymore and that they're spiraling#but then after i let them know they have my support and that they should ask a doctor about what they're going through they just#ghost me for the next couple hours and day andnthey dont even respond to me#i mean serves me right#i deserve that#i get why#just karma
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#i feel a knot in my throat#my body feels hot#but im cold#i dont feel anything but this shame#i know i desevre it because of what i did#i dont knowbwhat i feel anymore#there's nothing i can do#it is what it iit is what it is#i wanna yell but there's nothin i can do#i just have to deal with it like an adult#suck it up#be quiet#sont say anything#just#deal with the aftermath of what ive done#be an adult#deal with it like an adult#dont run away from it just sit there and take it#you made this outcome so take it
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#i feel bad#like again its just replaying over and over#the shame the guilt#maybe its why im not spoken to as much anymore.#i mean its also my fault cause i keep getting distracted or i just blank out iduring anything recently#im hapoy for them#all my friends just chit chatting and talking#i want to but i never lnow what to say without ruining it#i catch myself wishing for friends#but then i just.. remind myself why i dont have many right now#i probably tipped them off#ive probably done things that nade them not wanna talk to me#i mean theres a reason why two have blocked me already#i deserved that#i really did#im not asking for anyone's help or comfort#i dont want that cause i dont deserve it.#i just know how bad i feel right now#it just#i wanna go mute#i never wanna talk again#i never wanna utter another word outt my mouth#i just wanna rip out the parts that make me bad#why cant i do that??#i would make things easy rigt??#to just#rip that out#make it disappear so it doesn't hurt anyone again#make myself dissapear#i dont want attention dont want pity i dont desevre any of that
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#what did you do#youre immature#you dont understand#act like an adult#deal with it on your own#the world is bad and there's nothing you can do#everytime i see their messages i feel like steven from suf#a flare up of happens and my heart races#its like trigger#any tone they have since the thing happened is just dryer#and its like i madke more mistakes and feel stupider and not smart or just not even a good friend#i wanna say it was not my intent but it would seem like a lie#i feel worse anytime i make a mistake a ll i hear in my mind is#thats alli think about it just makes me feel heavy.#i feel i dont even have the right to talk about anything anymore#whenever somone compliments me i feel they're wrong and that I'm not worthy of it cause of what i did#i know it seems so small but mistakes to me it's so much more serious#people continuously remind me of my mistakes and i just feel like garbage and i wanna sink#that whole thing shook me so hard Im so unsure of if I should really branch out and help others without seeming like im smothering.#its not just one person but multiple people just reminding me about the wrong turns i make
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