#as soon as i live independently

[lildepressyy]

.

#dad called at 9.15 am on the verge of tears shouting about how even tho he told me to call him everyday cause he's out i didn't do it #yesterday #and saying shit like is this why i wasted so much money on you raised you for 20 years so that you turn around and forget me #and how he's dead for me and since i don't need to talk to him i should just hang a photo of him instead of a clock on the wall #and like how if im being like this rn what will i be like few years from now #like fucking how can someone be so ignorant obviously i will be like this obviously i will cut off all contact with you #as soon as i live independently #u call me to say shit like this and think ill want to talk to u????? #can't fucking wait to get flithy rich and pay him back like crores of rupees for every rs he spent on me for education food clothes housing #and then he'll do his fucking drama that ladki se paise nahi lete and ye sab maine paise ke liye nahi kiya tha #like haan bhai paise ke liye nahi kiya so why tf do u keep rubbing it in my face????? #and the worst part is that i can feel myself crying bc everytime someone but ofc esp him shouts at me i can't help crying #but i know it is not because whatever he is saying is hurtful but bc im stuck here and i can't even stand up for myself even tho its what #i deserve

[allergic-to-some-stuff]

My main 18th birthday plan is to go get a shit ton of piercings then probably sit in the woods by a body of water and stare at it while contemplating the fact that my childhood is forever over

Then I’ll probably cry a little bit and go home

#can’t wait! #piercings #slowly becoming unhinged as high school goes on #no way I will survive as an adult on my own #i will never be independent enough to live by myself tbh #my poor mother will get so many calls asking for help once I move out #ahhhhh #shitpost #textpost #screaming #I’m not turning 18 anytime soon #migraine induced existential crisis

[thehardkandy]

I do think it's the winter getting to me but as soon as vacation ended I am digging myself further into a feeling of. Missing something important

#like i just need to go be creative and getting into the swings of passion #but I've been kinda drowning in SI more than is normal and while that's something i don't have an issue pushing through #it does make it especially difficult to create because i think about diving back into something #and it's just a big black hole where if i do it. so what. why does it matter and what is it for #and unfortunately giving into the black hole (shockingly) does not make the feeling any better #it just makes it bigger snd bigger and bigger #and everything feels so topsy turvy because more so than ever before my life looks like. more than i could have hoped for #working full time saving money eating well living independent #and it fucking sucks!!! i hate this shit!!!!! i dont wanna do this for 50 more years!!!!! #the things that bring me joy feel so secondary and insignificant cause everything i do #to give myself a good life that gives me space to ve creative and live and laugh...... doesnt do that #what do i do!!!! (rhetorical) #cause the answer is push through it. its to take my vitamin d and force myself to create #and soon enough ill be waxing poetic about how beautiful the life i have built for myself is #kinda silly how closely the feelings live together

[yes-perwallstedt]

I haven’t been up to the twin cities for more than just one very quick day trip for a wild game last spring since 2019 (I used to come up for various things about 4-5x a year) and man I didn’t realize how much I missed coming up here.

I’m sure if I spent more than few days here I’d be tearing my hair out over the traffic and general number of people, but right now I want to move back so badly.

#the traffic was literally 1/3rd of my decision to move back to Des Moines after living up here for 2-ish years back in my early 20s #I am a medium-sized city girl at heart. I can’t handle needing more than about 15 minutes to get anywhere #anne blabs #I got to have ikea meatballs and I got to go to my very favorite independent art store… #I got to have green mill pizza which has so much nostalgia for me #I haven’t gotten to go fabric shopping but that just gives me an excuse for another trip soon #I am sad I went during the actual least pretty time of year though (winter with no snow) #I need to experience St. Paul in the autumn again for my soul to be complete

[permanentreverie]

well. the good news is i now know how to change a flat tire.

#what a night folks! #thank God the weather has been so mild in that it wasn’t -20 and not 5 feet of snow #AND that i caught it in town and was able to pull into a well lit parking lot #and not find out in the dark deserted highway home #AND my friend who was getting off work and able to help us #AND my brother who lived in town and was coming back from the city and able to finish putting the spare on #but all in all: what an evening 💀 #still gonna shower to warm up and go to bed im very ready for this day to be done #lindsay posts #i mean i /knew/ beforehand i just. cant do it myself #will soon be rectified though! am determined to be my own strong independent woman and not have to rely on the help of calling a man #but i AM thankful to the guy friend who was getting off work who helped get my spare tire out from my hatch AND my brother driving home and #was able to finish putting on the spare

[wiinterbunny]

... 📓🖊

#my mom has started talking abt moving... #and it is kinda ridiculous because i'll be 25 soon. and i'm still clinging onto my mother #i *want* to be independent and live on my own. but i think i'm too weak to do it. #and her just talking about moving away soon makes me feel extreme dread and fear... #(she also says i should stay in this apartment and have it on my own. she says it in a loving way tho. she wants me to grow up) #(but i dont want to.... so many parts of my childhood are missing from me. i dont think i can) #(the thought of being resonsible for rent... finding a job... fear of being without a home.. too much) #i dont want to... and if i dont live with my mother i'll have NO ONE to talk to #i'll be so lonely... for real... i will probably not talk with anyone at all. and just spend my existence on my own #my mom is the only one i have... how can i live without her???? she's also my only friend #what am i gonna do what am i gonna do... im so scared #i feel so alone :(( #i dont know how im gonna fix this or what im gonna do #when i talk to my mom... she's understanding she is. but we both know i cant spend the rest of my life living with her #she also wants her own life T-T and it'd be embarrassing to stick with her thru my entire 20s... 30s.. 40s... idk #i have to be on my own but i dont want to #im also scared that with my avpd... i'll grow distant from her and never feel truly connected to her again #she doesnt understand my personality disorder. even if i try to explain she just dont get it!!!! #i'll always be alone and disconnnected from everyone. esp if i dont even have my mom... #i just wanna d1e ngl.. :( #💭​diary

[froghwon]

this boats named 'otter nonsense' <3

#rambling #so i havent been making any content this week bc i've been entertaining my family that was visiting from out of town ^^ #my grandparents. aunt and cousin are leaving tomorrow :( #i LOVE my family #but i just need to vent for a hot second jsnkdjnf #bc EVERYTIME i see my grandparents they ask as me: #1. if i have a bf (no) #2. when am i getting married (maybe never?? skdnfksd) #like they're very traditional/old fashioned #so on the one hand im like IM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DONT NEED TO GET MARRIED #but then my grandfather will hit me with the 'ur only 1 of my 2 grandchildren and ur very precious to me and i just wanna see u get married #before i die' #and like 😭😭😭 #but like pls rest assured that im perfectly FINE but also pls dont die anytime soon ksdnjksd #N E WAYS on a lighter note!! #i took my fam to this park to see a waterfall yesterday #and in the 1.5 hour we wandered around i got (at least) 16 mosquito bites 😒 #im SO annoyed!!!! 😒😒 #on the bright side i visited 3 local travel spots i'd never been to before :P #but i mean. who even goes to the touristy places in the city they live in anyway? lol #but at least i can say i've done it! ^^ #just gotta buy bug repellent next time i go to a park 1 hour out of the city ://// #FUCK I JUST FOUND ANOTHER MOSQUITO ON MY ARM AS I WAS TYPING THIS kjnsdnfkcjsd #*mosquito bite #boooo mosquitoes!!! no one likes u!!!!!!! >:P

[myfirstandlast]

im scared bc now that i’m essentially getting this public school job i know my body and mind have begun to settle into its fugue state where i have no thoughts and make no progress and waste literally all the time in the world because i just can’t imagine any other options it’s how i wasted four years with my major it’s how i ended up joining gr**k life it just feels like this is it and i trap myself

#let’s say i miraculously get a car and to move out post-september getting my license #it definitely won’t be until christmas at the earliest because i have to finish out the year #but as soon as the year is over my parents are back on my head about applying for master’s programs which i still don’t want to do #i don’t have a break to be free #and i’m certainly not gonna to be inspired to find my dream artistic lesbian job in middle of nowhere GA at an elementary school of all plac #like everyone too old or too young to understand me. no real work friends no real ACTUAL friends im just going to be going to work and going #home. oh lol i started crying typing. im really over talking into the void i need someone to hear me and help me #but even if up to that point EVERYTHING somehow falls into place. now i’m entirely alone with more bills no resources no one to call and no #idea what i want in any capacity. like i feel like a caged animal i feel insane #im falling into my coma of uselessness and i already lost the entirety of my adolescent young adult years i don’t want to lose my 20s too #not to be like 30 is ancient your life is over then obv not but i don’t care about what i do in my life at 30 and beyond #i want my life to be happy NOW i WANT the best of my life to be in my 20s where i can get away with the most stupid fun because i’m just #young and gay and i still have an excuse for not knowing what my life is yet. i cant breathe not knowing what i want to do but at least its #an excuse. i feel like dying i feel like my insides are rotting to black ash we’re social creatures and im suffering #i sound so stupid. i know i really know. but the people i see living the life i want carefree making money as it comes #have parents who lovingly text them who care but stay out of the way who are supportive but aren’t up your ass and down your neck #they’re just people that would raise kind smart independent individuals and im none of the above so i don’t have a good shot as it is #but i still want to be free. i want to die but i want to be free just a little before then #i hate my life. i hate waking up in my bed every day and seeing my bedroom and being in my house. i want it to be over

[consciouschunkofmoss]

.

#when youre pratically begging your parents to try and teach your cats to only live indoors and get them accustomed to leashes #but then they simply reply with saying thats not how cats should be raised and how annoying theyd be if they stayed at home 24/7 #like #do you hear yourself ?? #literally just say you dont want to actually take care of them and that you dont like having pets around #why even get a pet in the first place if you knew that either theyd soon die while being outdoors or that youd not handle them being around #i asked my mother so many times to buy a leash and help me teach both my cats how to walk outside more comfortably in them while supervised #but noo 'cats were not made to use leashes. thats just for dogs. because cats are inherently independent' or some shit #like what the fuck is wrong with you #and i have no agency over that #at all #because im not the one paying for their expenses #i get so mad about that but its just blind anger because i cant actually do anything to better this situation #it just hurts

[flowachild]

I honestly think my dad would be happy if I lived with him and my mom forever

#which is crazy cuz we used to have fights when I was a teen where he basically said this is why we shouldn’t live together anymore #and now when I wanna go back home he’s upset 😭 I need to go be independent man lmaoooo #thoughts #but it also sucks because now they’re older and I feel bad to leave them almost like roles have switched #and I feel guilty for wanting to be away from them and want to make sure they’re taking care of themselves #I didn’t expect roles to switch so soon tbf

[sapphiclizziebennet]

words cannot express how much i want to be done with college. i'm nearly 26 i want my life to be my own!!!!!! i just want to have a job and work on my art!!!!!!!

#it's weird bc i do enjoy being in school theoretically but i think the timing of everything is making me upset #i want it to be done already #3 semesters left including the one coming up soon here in a week #it is also a little weird when all my peers are like 20 and i feel like i'm ancient lol #i just feel like i'm at a different point in my life than a lot of people that i'm in college with rn #not like in a bad way or antyhing just in a way that i'm older and run with older people outside of school #i have friends with masters degrees and i have my own place and am living life like a full independent adult (best i can lol) #so it's a weird place to be where i feel like i'm in between being so young and so....not #sarah why

[sillypilled-friendcel]

ignore this

#(theyre reasoning: #we recognize it as a temp agreement made for the purpose of giving us some sort of income and independence until we get a job) #(my reasoning: #the stuff we do is all stuff we'd do anyways out of obligation (or enjoyment for certain things) anyways) #(verdict: #still out) #(conclusion: #either way we take it for granted that we have this opportunity in the first place. we've gotten used to living pretty damn comfortably #and we need to take a step back every now and then and realize how lucky we are. #maybe stop worrying over things like this and consider more “what can [i] do to help others” or whatever else #<- voice of a girl who wants to do volunteer work again so fucking bad #anyways long storg short: appreciate what youve got and know it wont last forever. you have it better than most and #it may be difficult to believe how good they are when theyve hurt you so badly but [one of them is] trying to change for the better #and that diesnt mean you need to forgive them but it does mean you need to try living less in alert mode #<- talking to a boy with “live in alert mode disorder” lol #srsly tho. itll be hard but we need to liwer our gaurd a bit. not to make us vulnerable but so we dont get so caught up in the past that #we reject that present and fuck up the future. #youre friends (probably) like you #even if youre annoying #and you're a lot safer than youve ever been before. have hope they'll be gone soon and then you'll be even safer. #youre living a relatively good life nowadays (esp in comparison) and you dont want to miss it or take it for advantage #youre doing youre best. if someone had a problem they'd tell you. maybe try to ramble ur thoughts less. #just delete the damn messages next time if you really can't help it #<- you dont realize youre doing it until after its done so best option probably #also try to get more sleep. take ur meds on time. #also also respond to your roleplay #also also also roy hasnt made the rp starter yet. consider trying to make one? itll be a challenge but you need that challenge #<- relevant: make hcs for ur characters and add them to proper channel mwh #<- <- <- all today. please. #)

[lonesomelavender]

Some Interesting Shit has come to light,

so if anyone has any resources on how to be independent of your parents financially, pls lmk asap

#it’s a lot #I need to move out as soon as possible #and I need a job + my own insurance + everything else #I need to get out and I’m not even teen angsting this #it is Very Bad Shit that I need to get out of like right tf now #I’m ready to live out of my damn car if need be #independent living #adulting

[hachinohachi]

when you don't want to be hyperindependent anymore but there is no other viable option

#this might not be entirely correct bc i'm unemployed rn #and i'm living in my brother's apartment so that i don't have to pay rent #but like. i'm still living off of my saving and never ask for money from anyone #so i don't know how independent is that exactly #and i don't yet see a viable future where i can work and not want to kill myself ykwim #i need to move out of here soon i need to move to another city or smt #and just cut contact with my family #talking to my friend rn who is saying that she is building her own house thanks to support from her parents and husband #and that her husband and parents don't force her to tolerate their relatives #and i'm so envious right now #but i can't say that #whoo boy #great meltdown of 2023 #it's cool it's fine i'm so fine #sometimes you just need to talk to people and see how bad you have it without realizing it you know #gods fish stop complaining jeez

[albedobeheading]

guys I am. So horribly emotionally unwell

#I was having a fine day!! like a lil stressed and whatever!! #but then I try to ask my dad for advice like should I move this date or next month?? #and I say like I don’t know if I have the money for this but also staying here and hearing you and my mom yelling at each other is tough!! #and then he’s obviously not gonna be happy about me saying that bc I’ve deluded myself into thinking that my dad is a different person #than who he actually is and guess what!!! he fuckin makes the point that I need support from roommates but also living with them is #detrimental and says that in a way that he’s starting to get pissed off #like GOD dude!!!! #I feel like!!! my parents should be able to see how often I cry!!! and think huh? yanno maybe we’re contributing to this!! #but they don’t give a shit and I should move out sooner than later because I need to be out of here and that money will return to me at some #some point and eventually everything will be fine for me I just need to work hard and I’ll be living with someone who loves me very soon #because hey!!! right now I’m living with people who love me but are also mean to me!!! #I’m gonna hang out with my boyfriend tomorrow and I just. cannot fucking wait #it’s very possible that I’m incredibly dependent on him but that’s almost certainly just because living with my parents has made me lose #a lot of character development and independence I got from one fucking year of living alone #I’m so mad. #and so sad #ugh. I. I feel sick #I’m gonna cry so much I’ll end up with eye bags tomorrow morning #I just. need everything to work out

[sensitivegoblin]

Ramble

#living with my sister is gonna be hard🫠☠️ #this proves she’s just neruotypical #as soon as I wake up she’s like rushing to get out of the house #and she’s got makeup on and stuff #but i just woke up so I look like trash #but if I did the same to her she would flip #fuck I really don’t wanna go outside looking like this #i love her to death but everything really is about her right now #she does think about other people #but she’s insanely independent so it’s all on her own time #half of the time she’s fighting with her BF im actually thinking he’s right sometimes #ugh it’s not fair now I gotta be on my period looking like this out in public #she’s always rushing everyone to be on HER time #she’s stressful when she thinks she’s being helpful #oh also I’m ALWAYS wrong :) #fucking hate that… #it actually ducking makes me so angry #she doesn’t get my autism. #I’m already so done with today #she would always get so puppy dog sad when I said we wouldn’t be good living together #but THIS is what I mean #she doesn’t get my autism….no one does I guess…. #it’s very lonely being mentally ill….. #I’m heartbroken honestly… #any time I tried to explain I’m the wrong one #she always throws the money in my face too #i loveeeeee her to death #but she hurts me just as much as my dad does #I’m always the wrong one!!!!! that makes me so fucking angry #no one’s on my side.