#and she was like. really sweet she kept apologizing like SORRY i'm probably using the wrong words and being so rude... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

minisugakoobies · 2 years

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Paradise | JJK - Eleven

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: smut, neighbors to lovers (not quite friends but not quite strangers), slow burn, love triangle, Stripper!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: swearing, drinking, kissing, grinding, special guest appearances by Stripper!Namjoon and Stripper!Hoseok as well as Jimin and Taehyung, dirty talk, fingering, wall sex, slow fucking, mention of sex toys, the body chain returns, Jungkook is a smirky teasing demon (but what's new), Jungkook's stamina is insane, capitalism is a cockblock, gratuitous use of comic book character dog names, more dirty photos

Word Count: 16.4k (I'm sorry!)

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: That sexy man on stage - the one currently giving your friend the lap dance of her LIFE - is your super shy neighbor, Jeon Jungkook?!

A/N: Sorry this one took so long! I thought about splitting the chapter but ultimately felt it worked best kept as one. I'm technically on a tumblr hiatus, but I finished this today and want to get it out there. I appreciate everyone's patience with this story - I can't believe it's been over a year already! I'm really trying not to have such lengthy periods between chapters, but muses are pretty fucking fickle.

Been excited about getting to this chapter for a while, so I hope you like it! 🥺

Unbeta’d as usual. Please don't be a silent reader, I’d love to hear from you! Taglist is open. 💕

Previous Chapter ♦️ Paradise Masterlist ♦️ Next Chapter

Friday morning arrives with a sense of relief. Not just for the end of the work week, but also for your run-in with Wendy last night and the tiniest possibility that you might have a way out of your job already. Would you seem too desperate if you emailed Wendy as soon as you logged on for work? It’s not like she didn’t understand your current situation - she left your company as soon as she could. But maybe you should wait a few days before reaching out.

The first thing you see upon logging in is an email from your boss, informing you that there will be a mandatory video call this afternoon for your entire department. The announcement is cryptic, only providing a time of one o'clock and a topic of “department changes.” This strikes you as ominous. Then you read an email from one of your coworkers that mentions whispers of possible layoffs looming at the end of this quarter.

You immediately open a blank email and start composing a message to Wendy.

The flowers that Jungkook gave you on your date last week are still sitting in a vase on your desk. Knowing you have a long day ahead of you, you pause long enough to lean over and breathe in, inhaling the sweet fragrance of the bouquet. The scent conquers up a memory of the soft smile on Jungkook’s face when you’d opened the door that night. The vision lingers in your mind as you dig into your work.

An hour later, as you’re fighting with a report that has your head aching with frustration, your phone trills, "Be still, my heaaaaart…”

Of course it’s not Wendy, that would be ridiculously fast for her to be calling already with news of a job opportunity, but you still have a split second of nervous excitement when it goes off. And then you see who is actually calling and grin anyway.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” a cheerful voice greets you. “Hey, Jin.”

“I hope it’s okay that I’m calling. I realize you’re probably working.”

“I am, but I could use the break.”

“Great.” There’s a sigh on the other end. “I’m glad you got home okay last night. I know you said you didn’t mind, but I feel like I should apologize for leaving you at the reception like that.”

“Oh, Jin, it’s fine! Really.” Okay, yes, you were rather disappointed that that’s how your night ended, but you couldn’t exactly blame him for jumping at a great opportunity. The Nosh execs were clearly trying to woo him, he would’ve been a fool to walk away last night, no matter the reason. Right? “Tell me how the drinks at Dionysus went!”

“Well, my agent and I are having dinner tonight with their head of marketing, if that gives you any idea…?”

“Jin! That’s fantastic!” There’s a chime from your laptop. Email from a supervisor asking if your report is finished yet. You stifle a sigh. “It sounds like they’re really excited to possibly work with you.”

“Apparently Hongjoong-ssi’s wife is a big fan of my show, and when he went home last night and told her we’d met, she freaked out!” His windshield wiper laugh makes you giggle. “Told him he’d be an idiot if he didn’t sign a deal with me. So I guess I need to give her a shoutout on my next stream.” He laughs again. “It’s a little surreal how quickly things are moving.”

“But it must be so satisfying, too.” If there’s one thing you’ve learned about Jin in the short time you’ve been dating him, it’s how hard he hustles. There’s something so admirable about the way he’s chasing his dream. Makes you wish you had one of your own to fight for.

“Well, I’m not complaining. But speaking of satisfaction…”

“Smooth.”

“Thank you. Listen, I still want to make last night up to you, if you’ll let me. What’s your weekend look like?”

“Um, tomorrow I have maid of honor duties in the morning, then I have a hot date with Jisoo.”

“Oh, really?” he hums.

“Mmmhmm. But I’m free all day Sunday.��

“Let’s go back to the hot date with Jisoo.”

Rolling your eyes, you grin. “Nothing that exciting, I promise you. I think we’re just planning on doing face masks and a movie or two. What did you have in mind?”

“Oh, there are plenty of things on my mind, if you’d like to know…”

“For our date, Jin, not for me and Jisoo.”

“I was talking about our date! What are you trying to imply?” His pitch rises in mock indignation before your giggles break him. “My offer to teach you how to cook still stands. Any interest in making dinner together?”

“Hmmm, free cooking lessons from an in-demand chef? Why would I say no to that?”

“Perfect. I thought maybe I could take you to see the site of the restaurant my business partner and I are working on. We can use the kitchen there, since it’s bigger than mine or yours.” As if the massive kitchen in his luxury condo would be too small for the two of you to work in. “I can give you a private tour before the place opens and the waitlist gets long.”

“You know, that brings me to an important question - how does it work when one’s dating the chef? Do I automatically get a reservation whenever I want, or…”

“You know I’ll take care of you,” he purrs, and you shiver at the sudden change in his tone. “Don’t you worry about that.”

“Oh, well, in that case…” you trail off, giggling. Your laptop chimes again. Same supervisor, same question. Can’t these people understand that you’re too busy flirting to work right now? “I gotta get back to work. Supervisors are stuffing my inbox.”

“Kinky,” he squeaks. “I suppose I should get up and get moving myself. I need to start planning a menu for Sunday night. Is there anything in particular you’d like to learn how to make?”

“Ummm… honestly, I am a true novice here, Jin. The most complicated dish I can make is a basic stir fry. So I guess… whatever you think would make for a nice beginner meal?”

“All right. I’ll take care of it. And then I’ll see you on Sunday - let’s say I’ll pick you up at 6?”

“Yeah. That sounds good.” A third chime. Your supervisor is really testing you today. “I’ll see you on Sunday, Jin.”

He murmurs a sweet goodbye, and you close your eyes, savoring the gentle tone of his voice before diving back into your report before your supervisor has an aneurysm.

The rest of the morning passes in a blur of emails and spreadsheets. When noon arrives, you pad out to your kitchen to grab a granola bar and some grapes, too into the thick of things to want to stop and pick up a real meal.

At 12:30, there’s a jarring beeping next door.

You wonder if Jungkook slept as soundly as you did last night. That’s twice now that you’ve gotten an amazing night’s sleep thanks to your neighbor. He just seems to have the magic touch… even though he didn’t actually touch you last night. Didn’t seem to matter.

If only he didn’t have to work tonight. The offer he made to test Lil Jackson Wang’s range is super tempting, knowing he could put you to sleep with just a few deft swipes on an app, but you want more than just another restful slumber. Not that an orgasm wouldn’t be welcome, but… what you’d really like, tonight, or maybe right now, as you yawn and stretch, would be to fall asleep in his arms again.

Hmmm. Well now. That’s a thought you’ve not really had before. You’ve repeatedly found yourself daydreaming in the past few weeks about Jungkook, but typically in these visions the two of you are doing anything but sleeping.

Staring into space, you sigh, imagining being curled up in Jungkook’s warm embrace at this very moment. Picturing his messy bedhead and soft sleepy smile. Maybe you should’ve called out from work today. Then you could be experiencing this vision instead of simply dreaming about it.

Maybe you could try to convince Jungkook to take a sick day himself.

You grab your phone.

(12:45): I have a confession

Kookie 🦌 (12:45): morning jagi

(12:45): Good morning, I have a confession

(12:46): Something I’ve been waiting for years to tell you

Kookie 🦌 (12:46): fuck

Kookie 🦌 (12:46): keep talking

(12:46): I hate your alarm clock

Kookie 🦌 (12:47): not exactly what i was hoping to hear

(12: 47): Just had to get that off my chest

Kookie 🦌 (12:47): feel better?

(12:48): I do, actually. Thanks for listening

(12:48): What about you? Is your leg okay?

Kookie 🦌 (12:48): just woke up but feels ok so far

Kookie 🦌 (12:48): you want me to get rid of my alarm clock?

(12:49): Would you? I could replace it for you

Kookie 🦌 (12:49): i’m not going to say no to that

Kookie 🦌 (12:49): you can wake me up every day if you want

It’s funny how you can feel his smirk in his words.

(12:49): Not what I meant but

(12:50): Not opposed either

(12:50): Although I don’t know if I’d be any good at getting you OUT of bed

Kookie 🦌 (12:51): come over

Your stomach swoops at his response, and you shift in your seat, rubbing your thighs together, suddenly feeling needy. Just from two innocent words! What is this power that this man has over you?

If only you could go over there right now. Stupid capitalism.

(12:52): For what, practice?

(12:52): Make sure I can get you up?

Kookie 🦌 (12:53): jagi i’m already up

Kookie 🦌 (12:53): just for you

His next text is a photo.

You nearly drop your phone.

(12:53): I can’t believe I’m saying this but

(12:54): I have a stupid important call to jump on in a few minutes

(12:54): Like possibly career changing important

Three grey dots appear and disappear, over and over, making you frown. You just said you don’t have much time. What is taking him so long to respond?

A sudden knock on your door startles you off your chair.

Kookie 🦌 (12:56): let me in?

As soon as the door is open, Jungkook’s arms are around you. Your fingers curl into his thick hair, tugging him as close as you can, and your eyes flutter shut as he kisses you, pressing himself into you, and holy fuck do you regret not calling in sick today.

With a happy sigh, you open your eyes to find him smiling at you. “Good morning.”

He’s shirtless, just a pair of black joggers slung low around his hips, doing little to hide his current condition. His hair is in fact just as shaggy as you’d imagined, a dark cloud on his head, and his eyes are scrunched in happiness to the point that they’ve become thin crescents.

“Mmm, good morning, Kookie.” You sling your arms over his shoulders, keeping him close. His skin is so warm, heat radiating everywhere he touches you, and it’s all you can do not to just drag him into your apartment and straight into your bed.

Why can’t you do that, again? Oh, right. Damn responsibilities. Adulting sucks.

His cheeks redden a little. “I won’t keep you long. Just wanted to say hi.” His eyes fall to his hoodie, which you’ve cloaked yourself in again, and he yanks on the drawstrings playfully.

“Oh. Well. Hi,” you beam, and his eyes crinkle once more as his shy bunny smile makes an appearance. Fuck, how you love that smile. “Be honest. You just wanted to tease me.”

“Always.” The cute bunny disappears, leaving behind a smirky demon, who suddenly grinds into you, and you clap a hand over your mouth to keep yourself from moaning loudly in the hallway. After last night’s vocal exercises with the toy, you really don’t need to annoy your other neighbors any further. “Don’t be late for your call, jagiya. And make sure you stay focused.”

You swat at his shoulder. “Fuck, you play dirty, Jeon Jungkook.” He just nods, looking way too pleased with himself, and you laugh as you untangle yourself from his embrace, pushing him away.

He grins as he strolls backwards towards his apartment. “Go on, get on your call. You said it’s important, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then good luck.”

After your meeting, in which your boss informs you that your department will be reorganizing, which is code for ‘downsizing,’ your coworker emails you again, this time to ask just what the hell was making you smile so much.

For the rest of the day, your phone barely leaves your hand. If Jungkook hadn’t already left his apartment while you were on your call, you might’ve been easily swayed to take the rest of the day off to hang out with him. But he had to head to the club to help Namjoon and Hoseok with a new routine they’ve been practicing. From the sound of it, Jungkook helps a lot of the dancers there to perfect their performances. You can’t blame them for wanting his help, replaying Jennie’s lap dance in your mind for the millionth time.

The conversation winds on and on, the two of you discussing anything and everything. Your annoyance with work. His latest commission (a portrait for one of the bartenders at the club). Your excitement about Jennie’s wedding.

When he sends you a photo of himself hugging Taehyung’s puppy, a guest at today’s practice, you make him promise to invite you the next time he dogsits. Then Jungkook mentions wanting a pup of his own, and together you brainstorm dog names that make you giggle harder with every increasingly ridiculous suggestion. Jungkook really likes Peter Barker, named after his favorite superhero, while you prefer M’Barku yourself.

After ordering some takeout for dinner, you crash on your couch for the evening. There’s a random movie playing on the big screen in your living room, but all your attention is focused on the tiny screen still glued to your hand. Even once Jungkook’s started his shift at Paradise, he pops in during breaks between dances. Every time your phone vibrates, there’s a matching flutter in your chest.

The previous night’s lack of sleep catches up to you, though, and soon you find yourself starting to drift off between Jungkook’s replies. He seems to be getting busier as the night wears on, taking longer and longer to respond. You close your eyes for a second, wondering if he’s performing the same routine again, with that same wicked smirk….

A thudding sound wakes you and you sit up with a start, realizing you a) fell asleep on your couch and b) managed to kick your tumbler off the end table in your sleep. You also discover that you’re still clutching your phone, and glance at the time. It’s almost three in the morning.

You have messages waiting.

Kookie 🦌 (11:21): you still there?

Kookie 🦌 (11:56): always falling asleep on me

Kookie 🦌 (12:45): sweet dreams jagi

Saturday morning arrives with sunny weather, a nice break from the gloomy cloudy grey of the week. Despite having slept most of the night on your couch, you feel pretty refreshed, even before you treat yourself to an iced coffee on your way to meet your friends for Jennie’s final wedding dress fitting.

The dress shop is a tiny boutique only a few blocks from your apartment. Halfway there, you cross paths with a man walking an adorable little beagle. The puppy stops to sniff your sneakers, so you snap a quick photo and send it off to Jungkook. Even though it’s early for him, the hour being before noon, he responds immediately, and you’re so distracted by your chat that you walk a block past the shop before realizing you missed it.

While the seamstress helps Jennie into her gown in the store’s only dressing room, you and the other girls mill about, flipping idly through the racks, catching up on each other’s weeks. Your friends are aghast when you talk about your evening with Jin and how he left you at the networking reception. Not even Lisa, the captain of Team Worldwide Handsome herself, thinks it was okay, even though you keep stressing how much it might’ve helped Jin’s career. But you just wave their concern away and change the subject, asking Rosé about her big date Friday night. Clearly, it went well, given the way she’s currently spinning about the room with a giant smile on her face.

“So then Namjoon and I were talking about our hobbies and I mentioned how I’ve been trying to take better care of my houseplants. You remember that orchid you got me for my birthday, Ji? Poor thing’s not doing so hot these days. He offered to give me some tips, because apparently he’s like an amateur botanist! He even said I could bring it over to his place. He’s got a tiny greenhouse out back, and he’ll nurse it back to health for me.” She beams. “Isn’t that cute?”

“Super cute!” Lisa confirms.

“Adorable,” you second.

“I couldn’t believe how sweet he was! Like, he was telling me how his halmeoni taught him about gardening, and he kept giving me this shy smile…” she dips her head, looking up at everyone bashfully, and giggles. “I swear to God, if our waiter hadn’t returned at that moment with our dessert, I was this close to leaping over the table and just eating him up.”

“Okay, you had an amazing time at dinner, we get it. Get to the good stuff,” Jisoo demands.

Rosé sticks out her tongue. “This is the good stuff! Some of us like to actually talk to our dates.”

“I talk to mine!” Jisoo retorts. “How else will they know what I want them to do?”

“I’m talking about having a real conversation, not giving out orders.”

“I have conversations!” Rosé scoffs and Jisoo’s eyes narrow. “I’m serious! I go deep!”

“That’s what he said?” you whisper to Lisa, who giggles and shushes you.

“Oh yes, I’m sure “Come for me” has led you to some very profound discussions about the human condition!”

“Actually, not that you need to know, but yes, it has!”

You and Lisa just roll your eyes as the two squabble. It’s nothing new. They love winding each other up and usually spar until one of them gets bored. Holding a floor-length white sequined dress up to herself, Lisa tips her head as she stares at herself in the mirror near the dressing room.

“So when do I get to meet one of Jungkook’s handsome friends?” She pauses. “Or Jungkook himself, for that matter?”

“You’ve met him,” you insist, and she shakes her head. “Uh. Haven’t you?”

“Not really. Just said hello in passing a few times.”

“Huh.” Apparently you were so used to seeing your neighbor around now, you’d just assumed your friends had all met him. “I guess I could probably see if he and his friends wanted to hang out sometime, if you all wanted to? Like I’m sure Taehyung and Jimin would be in if Ji will be there, and now Namjoon and Rosé…”

“Well, what about next Saturday? The wedding?” Rosé asks. Having abandoned their bickering, she and Jisoo join you at the mirror.

“What about the wedding?”

Rosé gives you a strange look. “Won’t we all get a chance to meet Jungkook there next week?”

“Oh. Um, I’m not sure how you’re gonna do that, since I don’t think he was invited?”

All three of your friends groan your name at various volumes.

“What??”

“Babe. Why haven’t you asked him to be your date?” Jisoo inquires.

“Well, for one thing, I didn’t tell Jennie I was bringing a plus one, and it’s a little late to throw one at her now…”

“Oh, please,” Jennie’s voice calls out from the dressing room. “You know if you want to bring Jungkook, we’ll find room for him! I just assumed you and Jin would be coming together?”

Jisoo snorts.

“Um, well, actually…”

Another chorus of groans.

“Look, I don’t want to make things awkward!”

“How would going with Jin be awkward?”

“I think she meant picking one over the other might be weird, Lis.” Rosé replies.

You sigh, rubbing your temples with the tips of your fingers. “I just don’t know what will happen if they’re both in the same room again. You remember what I told you about Jungkook when I ran into him at Dionysus, right? The way he reacted to seeing me on my date with Jin?”

“Oh yeah,” Jisoo hums as the others nod. “That was ridiculously hot of Bambi.”

Hot or not, it had left your head swimming. “Yeah, well, I’m not looking for a repeat. I mean, what if they get into some sort of argument or something?”

Lisa cocks an eyebrow. “You think they might fight over you?”

You shrug. “I mean, no. Not really. Neither of them seem the type to punch another guy over a girl.” Although Jungkook does seem to have a sharp tongue when he’s drunk. Would he say something rude directly to Jin’s face? How would Jin react? “I don’t think, at least.”

“Well, if you’re unsure, how about we not find out at my wedding?” Jennie suggests cheerfully. “Let’s just keep everything nice and neat and as drama-free as possible!”

Jisoo sighs. “Speaking of drama, Jennie, will you come out already? I think you’ve amped up the anticipation enough.”

“Okay, but only because you asked so sweetly, Ji.”

The kindly grey-haired seamstress reappears, throwing open the curtains to the dressing room, and Jennie emerges. She’s a vision in white, swathed in lace and satin, the train of her gown trailing behind her as she slowly approaches the rest of you.

“Jennie!”

“Beautiful!”

“Oh my god, you’re gorgeous!!”

A loud sob makes you all turn. As you watch with your mouth agape, Jisoo bursts into ugly, full-body-wracking tears. The rest of you coo and rush to hug her as Jennie shakes her head.

“You’re such a softie, Kim Jisoo!” She reaches into the scrum, careful not to get too close and wrinkle her dress, and squeezes Jisoo’s hand. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine! Just - just happy for you!” comes a muffled response from where Jisoo’s face is buried in Lisa’s shirt.

“She’ll be okay,” you assure Jennie, rubbing Jisoo’s back gently. “I’ll pull her back together tonight when we’re hanging out. But how do you feel right now? I’m honestly surprised you’re not in here crying with her.”

Jennie inspects her reflection, fingers straightening the lace over her bodice. After a moment, she catches your eye in the mirror. The smile that lights up her face is blinding, and for a second you’re afraid you might start bawling like Jisoo.

“I’m tempted to text Yoongi right now and tell him to get his cute lil’ peach down here so I can marry him this very minute. I can’t wait, I’m just so excited!”

The subject of your wedding date (or lack thereof) doesn’t come up again as the morning fades into afternoon. Your friends are more interested in showering Jennie with love. As are you. But it gnaws at you anyway, as you listen to your friends breathlessly discussing the upcoming ceremony.

Should you ask Jungkook to be your date? Would Jin get upset if you didn’t ask him? How weird would it really be to have them both there? Maybe you’re making a bigger deal out of this than you should.

God knows it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done that.

Jisoo knocks on your door around eight with a bottle of your favorite green grape soju in hand, dressed like she’s ready for the club - black crop top with a keyhole cutout over her chest, scandalously short pink leather skirt, hair pulled up in a high ponytail and eyeliner winged straight to the heavens.

“Holy shit,” you greet her. “You look amazing, but uhhhh maybe a little overdressed for a movie?”

She swans into your apartment, the heels of her boots clicking on the hardwood floor. “The movie can wait. It’s Saturday night. Time to get fucked up.”

“Uh.” The last time you got quote unquote ‘fucked up’ was the night you went to Dionysus, and recalling the morning after makes your stomach lurch a little. Following your friend into your kitchen, you watch as she pulls two shot glasses down from your cupboard, then pours you both a dram. “Okay. I’m not opposed to having some soju with you tonight, but the outfit still seems like overkill.”

“Babe.” Jisoo holds out your glass for you to take. “Obviously we’re going out. We’re too young and gorgeous to be wasting ourselves away on your couch tonight! Do you really want to deprive the world of this?” She waves her hand to indicate the two of you, and you look down at yourself with a raised brow.

“Actually, I think the couch is the only place for this,” you reply, gesturing to your clothes. Leggings and Jungkook’s hoodie. The sweatshirt has become your second skin at this point.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll take care of that,” Jisoo informs you. “We’ll find you something to wear. But first things first.” She lifts her glass in the air. “Geonbae!”

The liquor goes down so smoothly. For all her deadpan ability, Jisoo can’t stop herself from making a face at the tang of the shot. It’s the same face she’s made every time you’ve shared this soju over the years. A wave of nostalgia rolls over you, bringing with it all the memories of evenings spent drinking and laughing with your friend, and you throw your arms around her and give her a tight squeeze.

“I know it’s good soju, but this is a little much,” she mutters from where her lips are smushed into your shoulder.

“Sorry. I’m just really happy we’re hanging out. I’ve missed you.”

“Oh god, you’ve bypassed the funny drunk phase and gone straight to sappy reminiscing, haven’t you? Let’s get you some water, lightweight.”

Double fisting soju and water, you let Jisoo lead you into your bedroom. There’s no point in trying to argue with her about going out, so you don’t. At the very least, maybe if you get ready quickly, you can come home sooner than later. Sitting on your bed, you play dj and queue up some music on your phone while Jisoo stares at your closet in horror.

“There are just… so many hoodies. Why?”

“You sound like Jennie. And what’s wrong with hoodies, anyway?! They’re comfortable!”

Jisoo merely grunts while rifling through your clothes. For a few minutes, you just vibe to the music as your friend rummages, mumbling the occasional “What on earth” or “Oh, babe, no,” under her breath as she flips through the hangers.

“You know I can hear you, right?”

She simply shoots you a tragic look.

“Anyway… I noticed you didn’t say anything in the shop earlier about what you did last night.”

“Nothing to report. I stayed in.”

“Alone?”

Your phone buzzes.

Kookie 🦌 (8:15): matt murdog

Grinning, you glance at Jisoo, still elbow-deep in your closet, before replying.

(8:15): That one’s a bit of a stretch

Jisoo pauses, hands in mid-pull on a shirt you immediately veto with a shake of your head. “Yes. Alone. I’m not always out with someone.”

“Y’know, it seems like you haven’t been seeing a lot of different someones lately. Just Taehyung. Or Jimin. Or both.”

Kookie 🦌 (8:17): pupper potts

(8:17): Honestly, not the worst

(8:18): Woofsbane

Kookie 🦌 (8:18): deep pull

Kookie 🦌 (8:18): respect

Jisoo hasn’t said anything while you’ve been texting, and you put your phone down to watch her studiously skim through your clothing. “Is there anything there you want to tell me, Ji?”

She stops again, this time with a dress you haven’t worn in ages. You start to shake your head, then reconsider, gesturing for her to hand it to you. “If I had anything to tell you, I would. Don’t I always?”

“Yeah. I suppose you do.” Shimmying out of your clothes, you tug the dress over your head. It still fits, and if anything, looks even better now that you’re curvier than you used to be. “Is it me or does my ass look amazing in this?”

“It’s you.” Jisoo laughs, ducking the pillow you throw in her direction. “No, you’re right, you look fucking fantastic. I think we have a winner.” She pours another round of shots for you to tip back.

Settling in front of your makeup mirror, you smile sweetly at your friend. “Do my makeup? Please? I can never get my eyeliner to wing as perfectly as you do.”

“Flatterer.”

As Jisoo rummages through your makeup, you pour more shots. Jisoo clears her throat. “They were both working.”

“Huh?”

“Last night. Tae and Min were both at Paradise.” She gently swipes some color over your eyelids. “That’s why I was at home, alone.”

“I’m sorry, Tae and Min?”

“Stop smiling like that and hold still!”

But you can’t stop grinning at your friend as she frowns, trying not to poke you in the eye with a liquid liner. “You gave them nicknames? And sat at home alone because they were at work? Ji, are you even dating anyone else right now?”

Jisoo rolls her eyes. “Calm down, will you? Otherwise, your eyeliner is going to be less of a wing and more of a smear.” You hold as still as you can, despite the and she sighs. “No, I haven’t seen anyone else in a few weeks. Just Tae and Min, and yes, that is what I call them, and no, it is not technically exclusive. We’ve never discussed anything. I just… haven’t wanted anyone else.” She scowls. “Stop looking at me like that!”

“Like what?” You glance in the mirror as she finishes your eyes, turning your face left and right to admire her skill.

“Like I have little cartoon hearts in my eyes. I’m not in love. But I am happy right now, and I don’t see any reason for that to change by bringing someone else into the mix. Or whatever. I just… I want them. And right now, I have them. That’s all I need.”

“Well, fuck.”

She arches a brow at your pithy response, and it’s your turn to sigh.

“I just envy you sometimes, you know?”

“Of course you do,” she drawls, flashing you a grin. “But what in particular is it this time?”

“The way you just know what you want, and go for it!”

Jisoo plops down on your bed, assessing you with one of her scrutinizing looks. “Okay, who got in your head now?”

“No one. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately. About what I want. Take work, for example. I’ve gotten stuck in this job because I’ve just gone with the flow for so long. I never intended to end up where I am, but the company kept promoting me, kept moving me around from department to department, and I just went along with it. I never really stopped to think about what I wanted.”

Your friend nods slowly. “And now you’re starting to?”

“Yeah. And there’s just so much to consider.”

“Is there, though?”

“What do you mean?”

Jisoo shrugs. “You said you didn’t think about what you wanted. So that’s all you need to do now. Just go for what you want.”

But you don’t know what you want. Isn’t that obvious? And even if you did, it’s not as easy as Jisoo makes it sound. For you, at least. For her, it is. Anything she’s ever wanted, she’s gone after. No second guessing, no worrying about what others might think or say, not stopping until she obtains whatever her heart desires.

When you don’t answer, she frowns, brows knitting together in concern. “Come on. It’s not that hard, is it?”

“I guess not. I just don’t know where to start.”

“Do you want me to try to help you? Or do you wanna keep drinking and forget your problems?”

Both, honestly. “Help. Help me please.”

Jisoo motions for you to join her on the bed. Curling your legs under you, you glance at the phone in your hand. No new messages. “Let’s play a round of rapid fire answers. I’ll ask you a few questions and you have to answer immediately, no thinking.”

Lifting your head, you give her a funny look. “This is going to help?”

“Yes. It’ll force you to bypass the portion of your brain prone to overthinking, where all the ‘what ifs’ dwell. Trust your instincts, and answer right away. Okay?”

“Fine. Why not.”

“Okay.” She nods, clapping her hands. “What’s better, spring or fall?” She speaks quickly, words clipped as she spits them out, and you answer just as fast.

“Spring.”

“Do you prefer pants or skirts?”

“Pants.”

“Favorite soju flavor?”

“Green apple.”

“Black or white?”

“Black.”

“What’s your favorite word?”

“Mellifluous.”

“Night or day?”

“Night.”

“Jin or Jungkook?”

“Jung - Jisoo!”

“Haaaa!” Jisoo claps again, either to end the questions or to applaud herself for her cleverness. “I knew it!”

“Fuck you, you don’t know anything! I was just in a rhythm.” Your lower lip slides out in a pout. She plucks it between her thumb and forefinger and you dissolve into giggles. Jisoo’s little game might not have helped you figure out your problem, but it did make you laugh, and you feel a little lighter now.

“Sure you were, babe. Also, mellifluous? Really?”

“I think it’s pretty!”

She grins. “As pretty as Jungkook?”

Your phone buzzes.

“Okay, who keeps texting you??” Jisoo snatches the phone before you can, eyebrows rising as she glances at the screen. She whistles before tossing you the device. “We summoned the sexy demon himself. Bambi says hi.”

You flip the phone over in your hands and suck in a breath. Jungkook sent you a photo of his wardrobe for his shift tonight. He’s wearing the body chain again, trailing beneath a low-cut leopard print shirt and tight satin pants. Low-cut doesn’t really do justice to describing the top, which is open all the way down to his navel. That familiar smirk is back, igniting a fire inside you.

“Speaking of nicknames… Kookie?”

Heat creeps into your face. “What? It’s cute!”

Jisoo snorts. “I guess he’s just too sweet, huh?” You resist the urge to whack her with another pillow. “You know, if you want to invite him to go out with us, I would be okay with that.”

“What happened to tonight being just the two of us?”

She shrugs. “I’m just saying. I might want to dance tonight, and I know you’d rather stick your tongue in an electric socket than dance.” She’s right. “He’d probably dance with me, at least. And he looks like he’s going out, anyway.”

“Ah, yeah, that’s actually his stagewear. He’s working tonight.”

“Mmm, I see.” She leans over to glance at the text again, but you tip the screen away before she can read the message he sent after the photo, not wanting to explain to her what he means by asking if you want to play with that app again tonight. “He sent you a photo the other day of his outfit for work, didn’t he? With the same chain?”

“Yeah.”

“So is this a regular thing, then?”

“I guess?” Trailing off, you turn your attention back to your phone, careful not to scroll back too far to the pic Jungkook sent you this morning. No need to share that one with anyone else. “We text. He sends photos. Is that so surprising? I mean, I am dating the guy….”

“You ever send any back?”

“Not yet.” It has crossed your mind, the idea of taking some photos of your own. But you’re not as comfortable in front of the lens as he is. And as long as he enjoys sending you these pictures, you’re sure as fuck not going to complain. “How am I supposed to compete with that?” You gesture to the screen.

“It’s not about competing? But also, have you seen yourself lately? You’re hot as fuck, babe. Stop selling yourself short.” She holds out her hand. “Let’s send him one right now.”

“Ji…”

She keeps her palm out, and you hand the phone over. You can always just delete it if you don’t like it.

“Ok, tuck your legs under you more. Yeah, like that. Now arch your back a little.”

“Seriously? I’m just sending him a photo, not working on a thumbnail for a camgirl vid.”

“Do you want my help or not?”

You grouse a little more, but you do as instructed. Jisoo hums happily as she snaps a pic.

“Oh, that’s perfect.”

She tosses the phone back and you blink. You actually look kinda… hot? Quickly, you send the photo off.

(8:27): Jisoo’s dragging me out tonight

(8:27): Save me?

“Fuck, I might need you to do a whole photoshoot, Ji. Did Tae teach you some tricks or something?”

She wiggles her brows and you roll your eyes.

“Forget I asked.”

“So does Jin ever send you any pictures?”

You shake your head, rising off the bed and grabbing your drinks, heading for your kitchen. “Nope. We’ve mostly just texted about making plans. He has called me a few times.”

“He calls you? Huh.” She snorts. “That’s surprising. You hate talking on the phone.”

“I mean, we haven’t really talked. They’re not conversations so much as us planning our dates.” Not that you’d really paused to think about it much, but Jin hasn’t reached out to you very often. Not like Jungkook has. Of course, communication goes both ways, and you haven’t texted Jin out of the blue, either.

But that doesn’t mean anything, really. Other than the group chat, you’re not much of a texter.

Usually. Except for the last few days. With Jungkook.

“Interesting.” Jisoo hums, and you sigh.

“Ji, enough with the questions! I thought you said the other day you were gonna let me figure this out at my own pace?”

“Figure what out?” The head tilt you give her makes her laugh. She knows you know exactly what she’s trying to get at with all these questions. “Okay, fine, I’m sorry! I just feel like maybe you know what you want, babe. You’re just afraid to voice it.”

Your head is starting to get that swirly sensation that drinking brings. You yearn to lean into it. “I think I’m going to need more alcohol if this is how the night is going to go.”

“That can be arranged.” She starts to pour another shot of soju, but your phone goes off, and she snatches it up instead, dodging your hands as she reads the message out loud.

Kookie 🦌 (8:29): goddamn jagi

Kookie 🦌 (8:29): if i were there you wouldn’t be leaving that bed

“I think he liked the picture,” Jisoo informs you while you chase her down the hallway, cursing your friend’s natural athleticism as she continues to sidestep you. “What should we say back - ooh, wait, what did he say now?”

Kookie 🦌 (8:30): take that toy with you and i’ll make sure you have a good time tonight

Her eyes widen, as does her smile, and you finally manage to grab your phone back, holding up a finger to silence her before she begins.

“Let’s get going and I’ll tell you on the way, okay?”

“Bitch, you better!”

With one last shot of soju, the two of you head out. Jisoo orders a ride, saying it’ll be cheaper to drive out to a bar on the edge of town where she knows the bartender so you can drink for free. You’re too tipsy to question her logic, letting the alcohol carry your thoughts away, hoping your worries will go, too.

Your driver is an older gentleman who politely ignores the two of you as you giggle in the backseat. True to your word, you fill Jisoo in on Jungkook and Lil Jackson Wang’s introduction the other night. Jisoo then regales you with a story of the time she wore a pair of vibrating panties to work, only for them to malfunction and get stuck on the highest setting while she was trapped between floors in an elevator with her boss. By the time the car stops, you’re snorting with laughter at Jisoo’s tale, too swept away in your delight to realize where you are, until you climb out of the vehicle.

To be greeted by the bright neon lights of Paradise.

“Um. Jisoo.” You stand and stare at the building in front of you. “What are we doing here?”

“I told you. I know the bartender here!” Jisoo’s smile is the smuggest of grins. “Come on!”

“You know the… are you kidding me?!” You drop your voice, grabbing her arm as she tries to walk towards the door. “You were talking about Jimin?!”

“Yes, I was talking about Jimin! Why are you whispering??”

“I don’t know!” you hiss back.

Truthfully, you don’t know. You’re caught off guard, not expecting to be here of all places. Although as well as you know your friend, you probably shouldn’t be surprised that she’d decided to bring you back here.

“Well, stop it, because it’s freaking me out.” Jisoo uses your grip on her arm to pull you towards the entrance. “I need a drink!” But she stops at the look on your face. “Uh-oh. What’s going on? Do you not want to be here?”

No, you very much want to be here. When it comes to want, at this moment, unlike earlier, there’s no confusion clouding your mind whatsoever. You want to walk straight through that door and find him.

The question is, should you be here?

Will Jungkook think it’s creepy or strange to have you show up here unexpectedly? It’s not like he’s your boyfriend or anything. Is it weird to visit someone you’ve just started dating at their place of work? Especially if they work at a strip club?

Fuck, maybe you’re overthinking things again. It’s enough to make you dizzy. Or maybe that’s the soju. Maybe you should ask the soju what it would do in this situation - go home? Or go inside?

You’re not sure who made the decision but suddenly you’re walking, gesturing for Jisoo to follow.

“Come on, Jimin’s not going to give me any free drinks if you’re not with me.”

The strip club is packed tonight, blue and pink lighting bathing the other customers in a vivid kaleidoscopic glow. Jisoo heads directly to the bar, propping herself against the counter. The pink-haired man behind it has his back to you, so Jisoo clears her throat until he turns around.

“Kitten!” Jimin smiles brightly, eyes crinkling in joy. Unlike the waiters here, Jimin wears a shirt, but it’s a black mesh top that leaves very little to the imagination. Your eyes dip a little to find “Nevermind” tattooed on his side. “Just give me one second.”

He turns his back again to finish whatever he’s concocting and you take advantage to catch Jisoo’s eye and mouth “Kitten?!” She flips you off before he turns back with a cocktail in each hand, placing them on a tray on the bartop before leaning over.

“Did you come to visit us?” Jimin purrs, fingers lightly tracing over the back of Jisoo’s hand. “I missed you last night.”

“Aw, poor baby. So you mean the video I sent wasn’t enough?”

Oh, you’re so texting the group chat later. But right now, you keep your gaze fixed on a drink menu, trying to pretend like you’re not hearing every word Jimin and Jisoo exchange. They appear to have completely forgotten you’re standing there. It’d be cute if it didn’t feel like they were two seconds from fucking on the bartop.

It occurs to you that that’s not beyond the realm of possibility of things they’re already done, and you delicately remove your clutch from the counter.

“You know it wasn’t nearly enough. Not when I could - “ Jimin whispers something into Jisoo’s ear, making the corner of her mouth curl. The heated look they share lasts so long, you start to feel like you’re intruding on something, and look away.

There’s no one on stage, a slight lull in the usual din as the crowd waits for the next act. As your friend and her bartender murmur quietly beside you, you scan the floor. There are several incredibly handsome shirtless men wandering between the tables, flirting and bringing drinks, but no familiar doe eyes to be found.

So he’s probably giving a private dance right now. That’s cool. That’s a good thing. Make that money. Your nose scrunches. The soju’s loud.

A dark-haired man slides up behind Jisoo, leaning over her and across the bar to grab a couple of drink umbrellas, and you hear, “Well, if it isn’t my favorite kitty cat,” before he moves towards you with a boxy grin. “And my dear friend.”

“Hi Taehyung.” With a smile of your own, you accept the hug he gives you.

“Hi angel. Have you come to see Jungkook?” Taehyung’s deep voice rumbles in your ear as he reaches past you to grab the tray of drinks. You try your best to keep your gaze from wandering too low, but it’s difficult when he’s standing next to you in naught but a tight pair of black leather pants and a smile. You do get a good eyeful of his toned stomach before you divert your gaze.

“She’s here because I promised her free drinks,” Jisoo answers. You catch a slight twitch of Jimin’s eyebrow at the word ‘free.’ “But if Jungkook happens to be around, I’m sure she won’t mind. Right, babe?”

Three pairs of eyes lock onto you. You feel like diving over the bar and hiding, for some reason.

“I mean, if he’s available…” you trail off lamely. Very smooth.

Taehyung surveys the crowd. “He’s out there somewhere. I’ll find him for you.” He flashes that brilliant smile again. “I know he’ll be happy to hear you’re here.”

“Thanks, Taehyung.” He nods and disappears into the throngs of drunken revelers starting to come alive again as another dancer takes the stage. The volume in the room suddenly doubles as people start shouting and throwing money, and you crane your neck until you can make out the figure on stage, spotting blond hair. Not him. With a sigh, you turn back to the bar.

“So, free drinks, huh?” Jimin inquires, smirking at Jisoo.

“Just a line to get her out of her apartment.” You’d protest, but there’s no point. Jisoo and Jimin are in their own world as she skims her fingers up his forearm. “You know I’ll pay. I wouldn’t deny you what you’ve earned.”

Another heated look. You can’t wait to torment her about this later. But right now, you’d like a cocktail and to sit down for a minute, so you bump her with your shoulder.

“Ok, kitten, can we please get our drinks now? I can’t stand in these heels all night.”

With your cocktail in hand - an Adios Motherfucker because they were strong as fuck the last time you were here - you spy a couple of customers vacating a table not far from the stage and claim the spot for yourselves. The rest of the crowd is busy cheering on the very cute blond man working it out on stage. His hypnotic hips have whipped the other patrons into a frenzy, and you and Jisoo happily join in.

“Yes, baby, take it off!” As he tears away his shirt and pants, Jisoo reaches into her clutch and pulls out some cash, tossing it in the direction of the stage. You watch her make it rain with an incredulous expression.

“Let’s give it up for Bang Chan!” the DJ booms, and the man on stage takes a bow before running off. The spotlights dim, the lights in the room coming back up, as the stage is cleaned for the next performance.

“Came prepared, huh?” Snatching one of the bills from where it fell on the table, you wave it in front of Jisoo’s face. “Be honest - were you planning on bringing me here all along?”

Your friend is the picture of perfect nonchalance as she shrugs, sipping on her whisky. “I just thought we could have some fun here tonight. It wasn’t something I’d considered when we made plans earlier this week. Just a spur of the moment decision.”

“But the cash?” Who carries cash anymore?

“Maybe I’ve started keeping some bills on me.” Her shoulders are up around her ears. “Just in case!”

“Just in case…” You trail off as you remember something she’d said in the group chat a while ago, about Paradise being a great place to take a date. Of course. She’s probably been here with one of her boys. Or both. Perhaps she comes alone, to watch them work.

That seems supportive, in a weird way. Or maybe it’s not weird. Maybe you just think it’s weird because now you’re wondering if you should be doing that.

Before you can fall any further down that thought spiral, Taehyung appears at your table. He places two drinks on the table, even though you haven’t ordered more yet, before he brushes his hand down Jisoo’s arm. “Are you ladies having a good time?”

“Of course we are.” Jisoo smiles up at the handsome man, letting her fingers glide lightly over his.

“That’s what I like to hear. But I’m afraid I have some bad news, angel.” You cock your head curiously as Taehyung gives you an apologetic smile. “Jungkook’s a little tied up tonight. He and a couple of the other dancers have been booked for some private parties.” He leans a little closer. “He was very disappointed that he couldn’t come out here and say hello himself.”

“Oh.” And just like that, your heart sinks, nearly knocking you breathless with how unexpectedly fast it dives. Well, of course he’s busy. Who wouldn’t want a dance from him? Or a whole evening of dances, apparently, if he’s been requested for a private party. Multiple parties, actually, if you heard Taehyung right.

There’s a tiny voice whispering in your head right now, filling your mind with all the possibilities of what’s happening in that room. The way he’s probably grinding up on someone, watching them with darkened eyes, teasing them with his moves. You try to shut the flood of images out but can’t.

Your gut twists sharply.

Oh god, you’re jealous, aren’t you? This is so stupid! It’s literally his job to do those things, to entice and seduce, and you know this, yet if you think about it another second longer, you might burst.

“Aw, I’m sorry, babe.” Your face must telegraph your dismay, because Jisoo finds your hand under the table and gives it a little squeeze.

Taehyung nods, warm hand patting your shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t worry, even though Jungkook can’t see you right now, he’s still going to make sure you enjoy yourself.” With one last gentle touch, he winks at you both before sauntering away.

“You gonna be okay?”

Nodding, you drain the last of your drink and reach for the fresh cocktail. “I’ll be fine. I mean, of course he’s busy, right? He’s at work. It was nice of him to send us some drinks, at least.”

“Very sweet of him,” Jisoo agrees. “I’m still sorry, though. I just thought from all those messages from Jungkook earlier that he might like it if you stopped by here to see him. And vice versa.

Obviously, I didn’t count on him being so in demand.” She shakes her head, swirling the ice in her glass. “That was pretty dumb of me in retrospect.”

“Aw, Ji! Stop it.”

She ignores you, rambling on. “I thought we’d have a few drinks, watch a few dances, you’d go sit on your neighbor’s face in one of the champagne rooms. You know, have ourselves a killer night. But now it’s just the two of us.”

“Ji, that’s all I wanted earlier!”

“To sit on Jungkook’s gorgeous mug? I know.”

Smacking her arm lightly, you shake your head. “Fuck off, you know what I mean. I thought tonight was going to be just the two of us anyway. So don’t apologize.”

“All right, are we ready for more?” The speakers overhead suddenly buzz as the DJ addresses the crowd.

The room practically vibrates with anticipation as the lights go down again and the other spectators around you shout their response to the mc’s question. Okay. Sure. You’re sad that you can’t see Jungkook right now (don’t think about what he’s doing, don’t think about it), but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, right? Just let it all go, all the thoughts and questions and worries, sit back, and enjoy the show.

“Well, it sounds like you’re ready, but I don’t know…” the DJ playfully responds, and the crowd whoops louder. “I’m not sure if any of you are ready for this next double act! Coming to the stage now, please welcome Hoseok and Joon!”

The platinum blond and the blue-haired man bound onto the stage, dressed identically in tight white buttoned-down shirts and even tighter black pants. Instead of heading towards the chairs that have been set up facing each other in the middle, they roam the edge of the stage, pointing into the fray.

“We’re going to need a few volunteers for this one. Is there anyone out there who’d like to help these two out?” From the audience’s enthusiastic reaction, you’d say that yes, there are a few people who would like to help. Just a couple.

Clapping your hands in glee, you grab your clutch, ready to fire off a text to Rosé, knowing she’s going to lose her mind when she finds out you’re about to watch Namjoon dance. But before you can dig out your phone, Taehyung reappears, placing a hand on both you and Jisoo’s backs.

“Ladies, your assistance has been requested. If you’ll please follow me?”

“What?” Eyes widening, you glance up at Taehyung, who smirks, prying your clutch from your grip and placing it on the table.

“Don’t worry, I’ll watch your things. Just come this way, please.”

Jisoo gives Taehyung a questioning look and he bows his head to whisper in her ear. She grins and rises. “Come on, babe!”

Taehyung offers you his hand and you take it, feeling confused. Neither you nor Jisoo had jumped up, trying to get the men on stage to pick you. As Taehyung pulls you to your feet, he dips his head to speak into your ear, to be heard over the yelling of the crowd. “I told you Jungkook was going to take care of you.”

Oh, shit. This is what he meant?

Well, all right. Why the fuck not? The first Adios Motherfucker has joined the soju spiraling through your system. At the moment, you feel pretty fucking good. Why not indulge in a lap dance?

Taehyung stops at the bottom of the stairs and helps you climb onto the stage until Namjoon steps forward, sliding your hand out of Taehyung’s and covering it with his own. “Hi, love,” he rumbles, leading you over to one of the chairs. “You ready to help me show this crowd a good time?”

“Absolutely!”

He laughs at your effusive response, motioning for you to take a seat. Instead of helping Jisoo onto the other chair, Hoseok sits, then pats his lap. Jisoo doesn’t hesitate, looping an arm around his neck as she perches on his thighs. They both look over at where you and Namjoon are as the music begins to play.

“Grind With Me” by Pretty Ricky thumps through the soundsystem as Namjoon drops to one knee. He’s still clutching your hand, lowering his plush lips to the back of it to gently kiss your knuckles. Then he glances up at you with a mischievous look, one of his dimples popping as he suddenly leans forward, burying his face in your lap.

You hear Jisoo hooting gleefully above the rest of the crowd as you cover your mouth with your hands. Hesitantly, you reach out for him, but he slides away, rising off his knees. He dances around the chair, trailing his hands along your shoulders behind you, before he appears in front of you again. With another smirk, he unbuttons the cuffs of his shirt, rolling the sleeves up as he dances, slowly exposing his forearms. LIke he’s about to get down to business.

And then he straddles you, rolling his hips, and you realize with embarrassment that the loud “Oh shit!” you just heard came from your own mouth. Namjoon winks down at you, grabbing your hands and placing them on his thighs. They’re huge. Like tree trunks, except you’ve never felt a tree flex like that as Namjoon moves. Did Rosé get her hands on them last night? She’s going to completely combust when you tell her about this tomorrow.

Namjoon body rolls himself backwards a few feet, reaching for the collar of his shirt. Rather than unbutton it, he simply tears it off, and both you and Jisoo shout as he tosses the ripped material into the crowd. He dances around you again, toying with the howling audience, throwing out flying kisses and winks, before he places both hands on the back of the chair.

“Come on, love, on your feet.” Again, he takes your hands, urging you to stand. Then he sits, pulling you into his lap. You rest your shoulder against his broad chest, and the spotlight shifts to Jisoo and Hoseok.

“By the way, thank you for setting me up with Rosé,” Namjoon murmurs into your ear as you watch Jisoo and Hoseok switch places, your friend settling herself comfortably on the other chair.

You give Namjoon’s shoulder a friendly squeeze as you nod. You’re about to ask him if he had a good time on their date last night when Hoseok tears off his shirt, whipping it over his head and directly into the audience. He spins around, coming up behind Jisoo’s chair, and you scream with laughter at the surprised expression on her face when he grabs her arms from behind, tugging on her wrists and guiding her to raise them over her head. Then he presses her hands to his chest, sliding them down the rippling muscles of his torso.

“Oh my god!” Jisoo shrieks as Hoseok whirls around the chair again, thighs astride hers. You’re dying, watching her reaction. Jisoo’s the queen of the poker face, but right now, there are a million micro-expressions flitting rapidly across her face as Hoseok takes her hands and puts them directly on his ass. He grinds himself into her lap, hips bucking as she grasps him through his skintight pants, and you know your other friends are going to be absolutely devastated that they’re missing this.

You’ve honestly forgotten that you’re part of this routine too, just having a hell of a time laughing at your friend, when Namjoon gives you a gentle nudge. “Okay, love, let’s switch.”

Once you’re back in the chair, Namjoon and Hoseok glide towards the center space. In unison, they launch into a series of sharp b-boy moves, popping, locking, and dipping down towards the floor. Your voice starts to crack as you cheer for them, catching Jisoo’s eye. She blows you a kiss, and you send one back, feeling nearly euphoric with joy.

But the routine isn’t done. The two men high five as they return to your sides. Still in unison, they both dolphin kick, pushing themselves off the floor with devious grins. Then they slide on their knees over to each of you, grabbing the sides of the chairs and shimmying their way up your bodies. Namjoon takes your hand and runs it through his hair and down his chest, and Hoseok does the same over his shoulder with Jisoo.

The look Namjoon gives you makes you giggle helplessly. It’s too hot, and you glance away, into the crowd -

- to find a pair of dark eyes gazing at you fiercely.

There’s a wild stutter in your chest as you realize that Jungkook is standing by your table, intently watching the performance. Is he done with the private party? Parties?

Namjoon suddenly places his hands on your thighs, lowering his head towards your lap again, and the shift draws your attention back to him. His hair tickles your bare legs and you shiver, giggling, looking back at Jungkook again, automatically seeking him out.

You expect to find him laughing at you. Maybe flashing that sweet bunny smile, nose scrunching in pure bliss at your reactions to Namjoon’s movements. But the expression you spy on his face knocks the wind from you instead. Eyes narrowed under a furrowed brow, mouth drawn in a thin line, jaw firmly clenched.

What the hell?? Is he mad? Or wait. He couldn't possibly be… jealous?

That makes no sense. As dumb as it was for you to get jealous earlier, it’s even stupider to think it’s also happening to him. After all, this was his idea! And even if it wasn’t, he knows this is all an act!

So why do you feel like his gaze is burning through you right now?

And why do you like it?

Instinctively, your thighs twitch, and you attempt to close your legs, but Namjoon holds them apart. “Keep these open for me,” you hear him say before he rises to his feet again and takes a step to your left. Before you can react to his strange instruction, you gasp as he launches himself into a headstand, the top of his head coming to rest on the chair.

Directly in between your legs.

There’s no more thinking about Jungkook, there’s only you screaming as Namjoon thrusts his crotch right into your face. How the fuck is he holding himself up like that? Just gripping the sides of the chair, veins in his forearms popping as his body undulates smoothly. The crowd around you has totally lost their minds, a hurricane of money flying into the air, fluttering in the lights illuminating the two men grinding upside-down over you and Jisoo.

Both men hurtle themselves out of their headstands, deftly landing on their feet before they turn back. Then Namjoon straddles you again, body undulating in time with the heavy beat, and you find Jungkook in the crowd again.

His expression hasn’t changed. Still so sharp. So intense.

A wicked idea comes over you. Maybe it’s time the teaser becomes the teased.

Slipping your hands around Namjoon’s waist, you urge him closer, tilting your head up to peer into his face, biting your lip as you do. He plays along, fingers pressing into yours, leading you to grab as much of his round ass as you can. “That’s it, love, help yourself,” he grins, making you toss your head back in unbridled laughter as he continues to wind.

But you don’t get a chance to see if Jungkook saw your reaction before Namjoon lifts you out of your seat, large hands cupping your thighs as he carries you to the edge of the stage. At this point, the only words you can say are “Oh my god,” which might explain why you’re chanting them over and over.

He lays you on your back, and you turn your head to see Jisoo lying next to you. She’s laughing hysterically as both men simulate fucking you, hips grinding into yours. Namjoon lifts your legs into the air, making your ass bounce with the power of his thrusts, and suddenly it’s Jungkook in your mind, the night of your date, when he’d danced for you. Tipping your head back, you look towards your table again, but from your upside-down point of view, Jungkook’s nowhere to be found.

The music ends and the room erupts into chaos again, more cash pouring onto the stage as Namjoon helps you to your feet. He gives you a big hug, sweeping you into his strong embrace, and you hug him back, a little loopy from all the thrusting. Jisoo slips her arm through yours as you make your way back to your seats, where Taehyung is waiting with a knowing smile.

“Enjoy yourself, kitten?”

You don’t catch her response, scanning the crowd. Where did Jungkook go? There’s no sign of him anywhere. Did he run out of the room? After giving Jisoo and Taehyung a minute, you clear your throat.

“I thought I saw Jungkook a second ago. Was he out here?”

“He came out for a minute to grab a few bottles of champagne for the next party,” Taehyung replies. Of course. He wasn’t done. He only had a second to watch before he had to get back. Totally explains why he didn’t wait.

Makes more sense than him being so jealous, he couldn’t watch any more.

But that look on his face….

“Water. I need water. Can you grab us a few glasses, Tae?” Jisoo flashes Taehyung a sweet smile and he nods, heading for the bar. She leans across the table and grabs your hand. “Okay, so, that happened.”

Despite the disappointment you feel yet again that Jungkook’s not around, you can’t stop giggling about what you’ve just experienced. It hits you that this is probably the routine Jungkook told you about earlier, the one he was helping Hoseok and Namjoon to perfect. If it is, he did a fucking bang-up job.

“Is my head supposed to spin after a lap dance? Because it is!”

“That just means they did it right.” Jisoo’s not a giggler, but she collapses onto her arms on the table, and you feel another bout of delirious laughter bubbling up inside you. “Holy shit, I thought Hoseok was going to hump me right off the stage!”

“I know! Fuck. If Namjoon’s stroke game is anything like his dancing, Rosé’s in for the ride of her life!”

“You’re definitely going to have to give Jungkook my thanks for that one,” Jisoo smirks. “Probably should thank him twice, actually, once for the both of us.”

“I mean, I guess,” you sigh dramatically. “If I must.”

The two of you cackle as Taehyung returns with two waters and two more cocktails. As you recover from your lap dance, downing more drinks, that euphoric feeling comes over you again. Thank god Jisoo dragged you out of your apartment tonight. You’re having the time of your life right now, swaying in your seat to the bass pounding through the club.

Eventually all the drinks you imbibe have you in search of the ladies room. Stumbling down a dimly-lit hallway, you realize you must’ve made a wrong turn somewhere, because you can’t find any doors. It’s nothing but purple velvet curtains lining the walls around you.

More than a little drunk, you trip over your own two feet and grab at the drapery to stop yourself from falling. The heavy material slides aside and reveals a door behind it. It takes you a few seconds to realize that you’re looking at one of the club’s private rooms. They must all be hidden behind these curtains. You’re definitely not in the right hallway.

Jungkook's behind one of these doors right now. Part of you wants to open them all up, poke your head in each one until you find him. Maybe it’s a big party he’s entertaining. Maybe no one would notice if you slipped in.

Oh, but you don’t want to sit in a room full of people and watch him dance. You want him to dance for you. Just you, and no one else. A private performance.

Well, you’re here. Why not ask for one? You just gotta find him first. Wait, what were you looking for again? Maybe that third drink was a mistake. Fourth drink? Shit. You need to pee. Better find the bathroom.

Turning to retrace your steps, you run into a wall. No, not a wall. A man.

“Jungkook!” you yelp, wobbling on your heels. Before you can tip ass over teakettle, he grabs you by the waist, pushing you up against one of the curtains, the velvet softly nuzzling your legs as his arms come to rest on either side of your head. You let your hands curl into the silk of his leopard-print top, helping to steady yourself.

“What are you doing back here, jagi?”

You hear his question clearly, but it takes you a minute to answer because you’re too busy admiring him. God, he’s so beautiful. The ends of his hair are damp, hanging in his face as he towers over you. There’s a bit of kohl liner smeared around his eyes, giving him a smoky look that takes him from gorgeous to out-of-this-world. And then there’s your little friend, that cute lil mole, decorating his pretty pink lips.

“Trying to find the bathroom,” you finally respond, giggling. “I think I’m lost.”

He merely nods, dark eyes wandering over your figure. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here tonight?” His left hand drops to your leg, rubbing the hem of your skirt between his long fingers.

“Didn’t know. Ji-Jisoo brought me here as a surprise.” You hiccup slightly, extending a finger to tap lightly on the lil mole.

“Oh. So you didn’t dress up for me, then?” There’s a hint of a sullen tone to his voice that makes your chest ache. You wish you had. You want to dress up for him. Just for him and him alone.

A shiver rolls through you as his fingers leave your skirt, skimming up the bare skin beneath. It’s either the Adios Motherfuckers ganging up on you or it's his touch that makes you blurt out, “Is your party over yet?” The chain of his body harness dangles over his chest, and you reach out, lightly grasping the metal links, winding them around your fingers. “I want a dance.”

“Oh yeah?” The silver piercings over his eye shift as he arches his brow. “You didn’t get enough on stage? Seemed to me like Namjoon-hyung was giving you more than you can handle. Although you were sure trying.”

More than you could handle? He has no idea how much you can handle.

“Is that so?”

Shit. You must’ve said that out loud.

“Yes. You did.” Jungkook chuckles as you stare at him, wide-eyed. “How drunk are you, jagi?”

“Dunno. A little.” Tugging on the body chain, you grin as Jungkook is drawn closer to you. The scent of his cologne curls around you, like an ocean breeze. The look on his face reminds you of his expression during your lap dance, and you sigh as you peer at him through lowered lashes. “You wanna know what I think?”

“What’s that?” His hand resumes its path, traveling around the outside of your thigh.

“I think you’re jealous.”

The hand stops. Jungkook exhales a laugh through his nose. “Jealous? Of what?”

“Of the lap dance. Of the way Joon was dancing on me. With me. To me?” What’s the right way to say that?

Actually, should you be saying any of this right now? It feels like you’re talking a lot.

“Joon?” The hand that was on your thigh is now gripping your hip. If anyone walked by and saw him with his hand this far up your dress, it probably wouldn’t be good for him. But he doesn’t seem concerned, so you figure you shouldn’t be either and say nothing.

“Namjoon. Whatever.” Flapping your free hand in the air, you go on. “Irregardless. The point is, you’re jealous. And it’s stupid.”

Even though you’re the one sloshingly full of alcohol right now, it seems like he’s the one struggling to keep up, based on the way he keeps repeating your words.

“It’s stupid.”

“Yes, it’s stupid! Like me. Like, I was stupid earlier, because I was jealous! I couldn’t stop thinking about you being back here, dancing and smiling and flirting and - and I didn’t like it.” Pouting, you drop your gaze to the body chain again, watching the light reflect off the links as you twist them around. “And then I realized it’s stupid because it’s your job and it doesn’t mean anything. And it’s the same with Namjoon. He was just doing what he does. It didn’t mean anything. It doesn’t matter if he dances for me, or if Hoseok does, or Taehyung. None of it matters. Because at the end of the day, the only one I want is you, Kookie.”

Wow, that was a lot. The words just sorta wouldn’t stop, just pouring out of you without any thought. Like they’ve been floating around in there for a while now, waiting to be said.

Maybe you’ve said too much, given how silent Jungkook is in the wake of your babbling. Not that you really notice. You’re hypnotized by the movement of his chest underneath your fingers. His breathing seems to have sped up a little at your speech. Rise, fall. Rise, fall.

“Jagiya.” His voice is husky when he finally speaks. “Just me?”

You nod, mesmerized by the way the harness glitters as you twirl it. “Just you.”

He’s quiet again for a moment before he sighs. “I wish I could dance for you tonight. But I’m not free yet. There’s another party coming in.”

“Fuck. You’re super popular, huh? You stay booked.” Humming, you tug on the chain again. “So when do the parties end?”

“Late.” Gently, he covers your hand with his own, untangling your fingers from his harness. Your lip puffs out further, a wordless whimper sounding from your chest. You don’t want to let go, you want to pull him into one of these rooms and ride him like - like -

“Like what?” Jungkook smirks, fingers slipping under your chin to raise your head. “Ride me like what?”

“Wow, okay, I think I might be more than a little drunk,” you confess, staring into his eyes again. In the low lighting of the hallway, they seem to sparkle.

“Yes, you are.” He traces your cheek with a tatted knuckle, and you nuzzle into his touch, leaning forward with pursed lips, but instead of kissing you, he tucks your arm into his and guides you off the wall. “Come on, jagi. Let’s get you back to Jisoo.”

“Noooo, Kookie, I want a dance!” But the haze of lust is burning off, replaced by the nagging pressure of your bladder, and you let Jungkook lead you back to your table, where your friend cracks up before rising to her feet.

“Oh, babe, you’re a mess. Let’s find the bathroom together. Thank you, Jungkook, I’ve got her from here.”

Jungkook nods. His hand rests on the small of your back for a minute before it falls away. “Make sure you drink some more water, okay, jagi?” he murmurs to you. Then he nods at Jisoo again. “Enjoy the rest of your night, ladies.”

And then Jisoo is dragging you away, but when you glance back, you find him still standing there, surrounded by cheering patrons and flashing lights, eyes focused only on you.

You can’t sleep.

It’s been an hour since you and Jisoo left Paradise. After Jungkook escorted you away from the private rooms, Jisoo decided you’d had enough fun for one evening. She made you drink a glass of water, brought you home, made you drink another glass, then tucked you into bed. You’d offered her your couch for the night, to save her the trek home, but she’d waved you off.

“No need, I have a key to Min’s place.” And with one final exasperated “Stop giving me that look!” she left.

And now you can’t sleep.

It doesn’t help that every time you close your eyes, you picture Jungkook’s intense stare. The end of the night is a bit of a blur. You remember running into him in the hallway, remember him having his hands on you, remember wanting to jump him then and there, but everything else about your encounter has washed away with the alcohol. But that look on his face from when he watched your lap dance burns just as brightly in your memory now as it did at the club.

It’s keeping you awake. It makes no sense. Between the long day and all the drinking, you should be exhausted. Not fired up. Ready to ignite.

Why can’t you get that look out of your head? It’s the smirk all over again.

Goddamn it, go to sleep.

…

Well, yelling at yourself isn’t working, so you kick off your sheets with an angry grunt and shuffle towards your living room, yanking Jungkook’s hoodie over your thin satin camisole and shorts as you go. You don’t bother to turn on any lights. Maybe scrolling endlessly through your streaming queue for a while will lull you into slumber. It works most nights.

Naturally, it’s not working now.

Tonight, no matter how long you flip aimlessly through the options, there’s no tricking yourself into sleep. Eventually, you pick something old to watch, an romcom so treasured that you can recite the lines along with the actors. It’s so easy to lose yourself in a silly story like this, one where it’s completely inevitable that the leads are going to get together but you fall into it anyway.

As the credits roll, you pick up your phone. Put it down. Pick it up. Unlock it. Lock it. Put it down.

Inhaling deeply, you breathe in the scent of the ocean. A trace of Jungkook’s cologne lingers in the hoodie.

You pick up your phone, unlock it, open your texts, and fire off five words.

(2:14): Are you still at work?

A quiet creeps over the room again, a stillness matched by the static image of the movie on the screen, asking if you want to watch again or return to your queue. But despite the calm hush, you’re on edge, fingers tapping, pulse racing while you wait for a reply.

Will he respond? Maybe he already left. He’s probably hungry, might have gone to grab some food. Maybe he’s hanging out with the other dancers.

Maybe he left with someone el-

Bzzt! Bzzt!

Kookie 🦌 (2:16): shift’s over. having a drink with hoseok

Kookie 🦌 (2:16): you’re still up?

(2:17): Yeah

(2:17): Can’t sleep

Kookie 🦌 (2:18): need some help?

Kookie 🦌 (2:18): been waiting to play with that app again

No. No toys tonight. You want him.

(2:18): Kookie

(2:19): Come over

His reply is immediate.

Kookie 🦌 (2:19): on my way jagi

As if he were currently just down the hall and not all the way across town, you jump up off the couch, running into the bathroom, pleased to find that you don’t look like a total wreck after the evening you’ve had. You brush your teeth again, then dash into your bedroom, rummaging through the bedside table until you find the box of condoms stashed in there, making sure they’re close at hand.

Halfway down the hall, you turn around, go back to the box, and stuff one in the pocket of your shorts. Just in case.

You know it’ll take him some time to get here. But you’re too keyed up to wait on the couch. So you pace instead. There’s a clap of thunder in the distance. As you roam your apartment restlessly, it starts to pour, heavy drops rapping loudly against the window in the kitchen. Tiny rivulets of water run together, forming large streams that snake their way down the glass while you watch, trying hopelessly to distract yourself again.

It doesn’t work, and when the knock comes, you’re already waiting by the door.

Even without the flash of lightning that lights your apartment, there’s a charge in the air as you and Jungkook stare at each other. His dark hair is damp, ends clinging to his face, and his clothes drip on the hallway floor. He must’ve gotten caught in the storm on his way out of Paradise. Maybe he rode his bike in the rain again. You hope he was careful, but you get the feeling he rushed over here as quickly as he could.

“Hey,” he murmurs, voice rumbly and deep.

‘Hi,” you reply softly, fiddling with the knob as you lean against the door, suddenly incredibly conscious of your hands, not knowing what to do with them. You want to bury them in his hair, but you’re frozen under his gaze, waiting to see what he’s going to do.

“How’re you feeling?” he asks, eyebrow lifting in curiosity. “Are you still drunk?”

You shake your head. Stone cold sober now. Nothing but anticipation flowing through your veins, though you find that’s almost as heady as alcohol. “No.”

“Good,” he sighs, sounding relieved, and then he’s on you.

One of his hands slides around your back while the other cups your chin, and then his mouth finds yours, hungry and desperate. He nibbles at your bottom lip, teeth sinking into the plump flesh, then sucks it, tongue brushing away the sting. Keening, you hold him as closely as you can, hands wandering over the broad planes of his chest, clutching at the soaking material that covers him. He’s so warm. Or maybe that’s you, aflame for him.

“Jagi,” he hums, leaving a trail of kisses along your cheek, “Can I come in?”

“God, yes, come in.” Curling your fingers into his hoodie, you walk backwards, pulling him into your apartment. His greedy mouth follows quickly, whining impatiently until he’s across the threshold and the door is shut behind him and then he’s on you again, kissing you fast and hot and breathless.

You keep shuffling backwards, leading him down the hallway to your bedroom, but it’s slow going, because you don’t for one second want to part from his mouth. Jungkook clearly feels the same sense of frustration you do, because his hands slip beneath your thighs to hoist you into the air. Gasping, you lock your legs around his waist, digging your fingers into his shoulders to hold on tight as he suddenly turns, pressing your back into the wall.

“Do you feel that?” He rolls his hips up into your spread legs, and you moan, feeling him rubbing against you. He’s rock hard. “Been like this ever since you texted.”

His mouth latches onto your neck as he ruts against you again. With you pinned to the wall by his torso and hips, his hands are free to roam, and they paw at your sweatshirt, searching for the soft skin underneath.

“Too many clothes,” he mutters, and then he’s tugging his sweatshirt off of you, dragging your tank top with it. He tosses the offending items to the floor. The vent overhead blows cold air across your skin, making your nipples pebble as Jungkook’s hot hands grope your bare breasts.

“You too,” you pout, grabbing a fistful of his hoodie and trying in vain to peel it off of him, but he refuses to let go of your chest long enough to raise his arms. “Jungkook! Take it off!”

He just grunts into your collarbones as he kisses his way across. Undaunted, you keep tugging until he mutters, “Aish, okay!” and reaches behind his head to pull the sweatshirt off in one swift motion. He barely jostles you, keeping you pressed to the wall with ease, and you marvel at his skills. Probably more tricks learned at Paradise.

Warm metal brushes against your chest. Fuck. He’s still wearing the body chain.

“Better?” he huffs. You nod, running your hands over his soft skin. Your fingertips brush over one of his nipples, and he whines, a high-pitched noise that makes you clench involuntarily. God, you want him so bad.

He grinds into you again, swallowing your gasp with his kiss. His tattooed hand grips your knee, slips up your thigh, and under your shorts, fingers not stopping until they find exactly what they’re looking for.

“Jagi,” he hisses, dropping his head to your shoulder. “So wet. Always so wet for me.”

“Always,” you moan as your lips brush over his ear. He shudders, sliding his finger along your slit. Applying just the right amount of pressure to make you buck slightly, urging him inside. “Please, Kookie.”

He groans, pushing one long finger into your folds. “You drove me fucking crazy tonight. Sending me that photo. Wandering around Paradise in that little dress. Just wanted to pull you into one of those rooms.” His finger strokes your tight inner walls. “Touch you. Taste you. Let you ride me like you said you wanted.”

A second finger enters, joins the first in rubbing away. Meanwhile, his thumb circles around your clit before flicking over the sensitive nub. Your head kicks back against the wall as a jolt shoots through you. Struck by lightning. His husky laugh is the peal of thunder in its wake.

“Next time, jagi,” he continues, “next time, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Take you in a room and make you fall apart.”

His fingers start to pump, and oh, he feels like heaven, fucking you open with a fervid urgency. Like he’s just as impatient as you are, just as eager to bury himself inside you as soon as he can. As soon as you’re ready for him.

“J-Jungkook,” you stutter, nails digging into his arms as you cling blindly to him. “More. Please.”

“You want more?” He licks his lips, tongue pulling the kiss-swollen bottom between his teeth as he adds a third finger. “I’ll give you everything. Whatever you want.”

The two of you are panting, filling the air with hot exhalations and grunts, mixing with the lewd squelching between your legs to create an obscene cacophony. As talented as his hand is, it’s not enough, just has you losing your mind with desire for more of him. For all of him.

Your words come out a broken mewl. “Want you, Kookie, just you. Please!”

“Ah, jagi, don’t say shit like that unless you want me to fuck you right here, just like this,” he groans, eyes closing.

“Kookie.” Groaning his name, you grasp his chin to tilt his head until your gazes meet. “In my-my right pocket.”

He glances at you questioningly, but as his left hand slips into the silky material, his expression shifts, eyebrow rising as he hums. He pulls out the condom and his right hand withdraws. Your feet hit the ground. “Shit, that’s what you want, huh? Right here? Now?”

“Fuck yes, please!”

In an instant, his joggers are around his ankles, your shorts are on the floor, and the empty condom packet flutters to the ground. You watch as he sheathes himself, hurriedly rolling the thin rubber over his already leaking cock. He grabs your thighs, picking you up again, pushing you up the wall until you can feel his tip rubbing through your dripping folds.

His hand reaches between you and grabs yours, guiding you to grab the silver links that dangle down his chest. Immediately, you loop the body chain around your fingers.

“Hold on, jagi,” he murmurs as his face hovers close to yours. His lips quirk into that familiar smirk. You bite your lip, waiting.

And then he slides into you, burying himself to the hilt.

“Fuck.” Your shaky moan elongates the word, turning it into an entire sentence. An entire song. Jungkook slowly draws back and then thrusts in again, prompting another moan. Another melody. He does it again, and again, building up to a steady pace, making you bounce. “Oh, fuck, Jungkook!”

“That’s it, jagi. I wanna hear you.” His hands squeeze your thighs, kneading the flesh as he pins you to the wall with his pistoning hips. “Those moans sound so much better without that fucking wall in the way.”

“Hnnngh,” comes your response. Your free hand roams over his shoulders to lock into the damp hair at the nape of his neck. “Fuck!”

White-hot pleasure roils in your gut. That fierce look is back on Jungkook’s face, sweat starting to drip from his brow. His stamina is insane. The fact that he’s holding you up like this while pounding into you like a wild beast rutting away… well, it would blow your mind, but his powerful strokes are already doing that.

“You feel so good, baby, shit,” he growls through gritted teeth, dark eyes staring at where he disappears into your welcoming heat over and over. “Such a tight little pussy. Wanna fill it up. Leave you dripping with me.”

“God, fuck, Kookie, your mouth.” Dirty talk drives you crazy, and this man does it so well. Of course he does. He lives to tease you, to wind you up in every way he can. “So filthy.”

The sound of him fucking into you is just as filthy, between the wet slap of his thighs hitting your ass, and the needy exclamations dropping from your lips. These only increase as he tilts his hips just right, curved cock hitting your g-spot.

“Jungkook!” you gasp, feet flexing, legs starting to tense around him. Reading your reaction, he does it again, and shit, you might actually come just from his cock.

“Can’t help it.” His sweat drips onto your chest, rolling down the valley between your breasts. His right hand comes up to wipe it away before he rubs his thumb over your lips. “Need to tell you how you make me feel. Tell you how fuckin’ good you’re taking me.”

He presses the tip of his finger into your parted mouth, and you obediently suck him in. He groans lowly as your tongue swirls around his thumb a few times before he pulls it back out. It disappears between you, to land on your throbbing clit.

”What about you, jagi? How ’m I making you feel?” He thrusts hard, bouncing you further up the wall, and your eyes roll back in your head. Light reflects off the gleaming body chain with every rebound. You haven’t let go for a second. “You like this? Me holding you like this, making you just fucking take it?”

“Fuck, yes, Kookie, so good!” The fervor with which he fondles your clit is nothing short of relentless. You’re burning up, ready to burst into flames. “Ah, ah, give it to me!”

No one’s ever fucked you like this before. His movements are so raw, so primal. That feeling from earlier is back - the sense of urgency. Of need. And you feel it too, this untamed desire, surging through your veins, setting every inch of you on fire. All you can do is hold on to him, fingers gripping sweat-soaked skin and metal, lips seeking his again and again. You’re pinned to the wall, completely at his mercy, and all you want is more.

“Come on, jagiya, I wanna feel you,” he wheedles, whining sweetly. “Come on this cock for me. Show me how much this pretty pussy likes this.”

His chin tilts up, mouth capturing yours in a sloppy kiss, all tongue. Saliva coats your lips, spills down your chin. Between the sweat, the spit, and your arousal, you’re a sopping mess. You don’t give a single goddamn. All you care about is him.

“Ahh!” With a wordless wail, your climax arrives. Cunt clamping as your clit twitches, pleasure racing through your body with every beat of your madly thumping heart. Jungkook snarls as your walls grip him tighter, but he doesn’t stop, still pumping away as you ride out your release.

“Jungkook,” you gasp when your lungs finally refill with air. “Come on, fill me up, Kookie. I want it.”

He whines, kissing you frantically. When his tongue traces the inside of your mouth, you massage it with yours before sucking so hard your cheeks hollow. His body tenses, and with one, two, three hard pumps, he spills into the condom, cock twitching as he breaks the kiss to moan your name.

Heavy breathing fills the hallway as his hips finally still. He drops his forehead against yours as yours for a few seconds, and then he relaxes his hold on your thigh, helping you ease your legs down until you’re standing on your own. Well, your feet are technically on the floor, at least, but the wall is doing all the work as you lean against it, knees a bit wobbly.

You already miss the feeling of him inside you.

Jungkook seems to be catching his breath already, and you marvel again at his endurance. If that vigorous fucking didn’t exhaust him, then what exactly would it take to tire him out?

That’s a thought for another night, when your legs don’t feel like they’re about to collapse.

“Jesus fuck,” you declare loudly.

Jungkook’s eyes crinkle as he laughs. “Is that a happy curse, or…”

“Yes. It’s happy. I’m happy.” You beam at him, wiping sweat from your forehead, your cheeks, your stomach. “I’m a fucking mess, Jungkook, look at me!”

He steps forward, arms wrapping around your back. “I am looking, jagiya.” This time when he kisses you, it’s a slow, lingering caress. “You’re gorgeous, all fucked-out like this. Makes me wanna wreck you again.”

“Mmmm,” you hum, leaning back. “I don’t know if I could handle that.”

“Oh?” Goddamn, will you ever get over that sexy smirk? “That’s not what you said earlier. You made it sound like you could handle anything I could give you.”

“Well, that was then. I’ve never been manhandled like that before!”

“Manhandled?” Oh no. Oh, you don’t like the look he’s giving you now. Like you’ve just challenged him. “You want manhandled?”

Your neighbors are definitely awake now, based on the volume of your shriek as Jungkook bends and slings you over his shoulder. You instinctively flail your arms, seeking something, anything to hold on to, but it doesn’t matter. He’s got a firm grip on your legs, keeping you locked in place. So that’s how he carries you to your bedroom, upside-down, ass pointing at the ceiling. He delivers a sharp slap on one of your cheeks, just enough of a sting to surprise you, and you screech before starting to giggle.

He tosses you lightly onto the bed before he disappears into the bathroom, returning without the spent condom. You giggle again as he crawls over you, kissing his way up your stomach and over your breasts. Cupping his face, you urge him closer, pressing your mouths together in a slow burn of a kiss, a kindling flame that grows hotter and hotter until you’re both panting, desperately pawing at one another.

He’s ready to go again and so are you, and you tear yourself away from his hungry lips long enough to reach into your nightstand and find what you need. Once he’s sheathed, he’s inside you again. But now his thrusts aren’t frenzied or hasty. Now, he strokes into you slowly, taking his time, groaning brokenly as your tight walls hug his aching length. His fingers lace with yours, pinning your hands to the bed above your head as he fucks you like he has all the time in the world, and he’s going to use every single second to give you all the pleasure he can.

You arch your back, meeting his movements with your hips, taking him as deep as possible. Trying to make this good for him, trying to deliver just as much satisfaction with every tilt, every clench. Without your hands, you can’t pull his face to yours, and you have a delirious need to kiss him, taste him, claim his mouth with yours. You whimper, tipping your chin up, and somehow he understands your pitiful whines and slots his lips against yours.

This time, your orgasm doesn’t smash into you. This time, it builds, until it overwhelms you, takes over, wipes your mind clear of all thoughts, all sensations, everything except for him. Your body hums like a guitar string, stretched so tight, strummed by his beautiful hands, ringing out one single note.

“Jungkook!”

He kisses you as his hips stutter, cock spurting hot and white inside you. He doesn’t pull away when his high finally passes, but lies on top of you, head nuzzling into your shoulder. Your hand finds the nape of his neck again, twists the sweaty strands of his hair. It’s a comforting weight, his strong body covering yours. You can’t explain it, but you like it.

Which is why you pout when he finally props himself up on an elbow to gaze down at you, a soft smile on his face.

His bright eyes will be the death of you.

“Are you in need of more manhandling?” he asks.

You laugh, a full, body-shaking belly laugh that jostles him and makes him grin even more brightly. “I think I’m good right now, thank you.”

He rolls onto his side, slinging an arm over your hip as you turn to face him. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

The rain taps a soothing rhythm on your bedroom window as you consider everything running through your mind at the moment. Should you call it a night and get some sleep? Does he want to take a shower first? Maybe together? Do you think you could go for a third round?

But instead of answering him with any of these, what you say is,

“Are you free next Saturday?”

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜

Taglist 1: @claricedelune; @teresaisla; @sadxaries; @httpfandxms; @lavienjin; @lovelyfreshfestival; @shadowmoon21; @bangtannoonalvg; @yoonchrisgull; @misohime; @btswithlov; @dasexydevitt13; @nabiolive; @travelleratheart101; @hannahbee12719ficrecs; @reliablemitten; @thataquariusreader; @rumpucis; @moonchild1; @helenazbmrskai; @uselessmags; @kissme-ornot; @kirapaige; @loosewindmill; @synnfulqt; @motscult; @vantxx95; @missbickerbocker; @pperpetuum; @angellife133; @a-beautiful-resident-from-hell; @akane82; @oneposhgirl; @shesoldbutcute; @bobbyboops; @fairy-jaykay: @itsinherited; @hellojeongkook; @jinsearthh; @dntaewithluv; @moonacholy; @music-makes-me-shine; @tucajitadepandora; @schizopasithea; @theestrangeddreamer; @po-tae-tos; @jikookiekosmos; @byunniebaekhyunnie; @pixiefaery

If your URL is italicized, that means tumblr won’t let me tag you! 😤 Check your settings!

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tubbytarchia · 3 months

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I love to imagine how shocked and surprised the ranchers and Pearl would be when they both realize that the ranchers don’t fear Pearl and that Pearl isn’t ridiculing the ranchers for even a second

Like they’d be flabbergasted

“Wait your not scared of me??”

“Wait your not gonna make fun of us???”

Just imagine them standing together like that one Spider-Man point meme

Sorry this answer is about to go on a bit of a general ranchers/pearl thought spree but YEAH this, lmao. They have more in common than they'd think!! Alas fate was cruel and it feels like two ships that were so close to meeting but just barely missed each other in the night, sailing right past

Jimmy at least has Tango to not be alone in his ridicule but even with their heads put together they wouldn't have enough brain capacity to care about what others are saying about Pearl. And well, there WAS session 3 when Jimmy shooed Pearl away because of. powdered snow?????? And because she was holding a sculk sensor?? Honestly I don't think Jimmy even at that point cared much about her being labelled as crazy, or didn't perceive it as anything significant, because it never came up unless I'm mistaken? Not once did the ranchers mention that? Jimmy did still break my heart in that moment but I don't think he realized the gravity of what he was doing. I think he was leaning into that more jokingly than anything but also... maybe Scott's presence at that very moment influenced him (cough because flower husbands past cough)

Tango most certainly wouldn't care about what Scott was spreading about Pearl. Scott could come and tell it to his face and he'd be like "uhuh yup!" and then forget immediately because he's Tango (not because he's stupid, he just doesn't think about things he doesn't consider important in relation to him). And Jimmy I think might care more if he weren't in like a happy ranch marriage with Tango and stuff. They'd be aware but not know how deep others' perception of Pearl went, nor would they care unless Pearl wronged them in any significant way

Jimmy wasn't surprised by Pearl's kindness to them in getting the goat horns, probably mostly because he was racking his brain too hard over Minecraft mechanics and being too overjoyed when they did get said horns, but probably also because he expected it to be a one-off thing? But I'd like to think that when Pearl returned to apologize after making a fool of him by stealing Oreo (the horse) with Martyn, and Jimmy kept asking "Are you serious?" when Pearl offered to give the horse back for nothing in exchange this time, that that was when he was really taken aback. Pearl once again showed some form of kindness, even as she was being shunned by everyone (moreso now than in session 2) and as she started to lean into the label of "crazy" that she was given because what else was she to do, all alone? Even then she ran back to Jimmy to apologize and give the horse back. And Jimmy, sweet child, offers friendship at last. But then he got ahead of himself when Pearl asked for confirmation and he went "You know you'd be an even better friend if you gave my horn back too!" and Pearl had to admit she'd already given it to Martyn, after which they kind of just separated without saying much. Clearly Jimmy was disappointed but mm he didn't even proclaim that Pearl wasn't welcome anymore or anything... It was certainly implied through his silence but knowing Jimmy, he would have gotten defensive and made his stance clear, but he didn't, which was either because he didn't want to, because maybe he still wanted to entertain the idea of Pearl making it up to him, OR he was just that fucking sad. He just said "right" and left as Pearl laughed (also I refuse to believe there was malice there in her laugh. What else was she gonna do in response) Either way oh my god I hate it I'm so sad

Anyway so. Their interactions past session 2 were mostly unfortunate but to me it's just... SUCH CRUEL FATE because YOU'RE RIGHT ANON. I really think they could have made it work but because Pearl was in the position that she was in, she didn't consider the idea of ever allying with anyone seriously enough and when she would have, with the ranchers, she'd already felt like she missed her chance. I'd like to imagine her laugh then, when Jimmy left her at the gate of the ranch was that of realization that maybe this friendship really could have happened, but she messed it up. And I'd like to think the ranchers would have still ultimately welcomed her into an alliance, had Pearl not given up trying, because she probably thought that if the ranchers hadn't thought badly of her yet, they must have now. Because no one wanted her, why would the ranchers be an exception? I'm gonna stop my unrefined elongated rant before I completely lose myself um hi hello I'm sorry that I got emotional in response to an anon ask describing the spiderman meme LMAO I'm a bit ill

#blabber #maybe I should get a tag for my pearl/rancher stuff so I can use it as propaganda on my pinned post #rancher/pearl thoughts #there you go

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tired-teacher-blog · 2 years

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Hello! I’ve been following for while now and I absolutely love all of your work. This is the first time I’m requesting something.... My idea is something sweet, I love Tokoyami so if you don’t find him weird can I have him with reader who’s his secret admirer? She writes him poems from time to time until she gain the courage to confess giving him flowers? I want to make him feel loved

Hi sweetie ❤️ thank you so much for reading and loving my work! It means more than you know, I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting though, I really am 🥲 this is the first time doing something for my sweet Tokoyami and I wanted to do it right for him and for you, that's why I kept writing and rewriting. I apologize and I hope it doesn't stop you from requesting again ❤️

Anyway, I really hope you enjoy it *kisses*

Title : Secret admirer

Characters : Tokoyami/ Gender neutral reader

Genre : Angst/ Fluff (mostly fluff)

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

Another one? This is weird, flattering, but weird.

Fumikage Tokoyami is not really used to having admirers, let alone ones who would send him letters or write him poems. So when he had received his first one he was genuinely confused, and thought it was probably a mistake.. if not a prank. But they kept coming on a regular basis, so maybe, just maybe, it wasn't a mistake.

It was still strange, who would possibly waste their precious time to send him letters after letters filled with words of praise and admiration accompanied by beautifully written poems? He couldn't tell. But even if it turned out to be a prank, he would still be grateful since someone actually cared enough to invest their time and energy in doing it. That's what he kept thinking.

What he failed to realize though, is that it was never a mistake, nor was it a prank.

What he failed to see was the way your cheeks flushed and your heart hammered in your chest everytime he passed you by.

You liked him so much, and had plenty of chances to confess, but never the courage to let him know.

You're shy and awkward, same as him, and that was part of why you kept your feelings a secret for so long. Besides, you two have been friends for years, and you feared losing him in case he didn't feel the same way about you, so you settled for being his good friend.

_ "Look I found another one, can you believe it?!" He shook his head in disbelief as he finally joined you for lunch.

_ "Oh, yeah?.. well, apparently someone truly likes you," you responded aloofly making sure to keep your focus solely on the food placed in front of you, "hey lunch break is almost over and our patrol is scheduled right after, so hurry up and eat." you had to change the subject.

Will you ever be able to tell him the truth? For a long while, that was the only question you had no answer to.

Until one day..

_ "Hi y/n, are you ready for the morning assembly?" you had just gotten into your costume and was waiting to receive your orders of the day when he joined you.

_ "Oh, hi.. umm.. yeah I'm ready." you didn't mean to sound flustered, but for some reason you couldn't control your reactions around him.

The meeting went by in a blur, and you couldn't for the life of you focus on any of the instructions given.

"I'm going to make a mess today, I can already feel it." is what you kept thinking to yourself.

And you were right, nothing went according to the orders you were given.

_ "Heads up y/n! What the hell are you doing?" your supervisor wasn't happy at all.

_ "I'm sorry! I'm on it!"

From the corner of your eye, you were able to see Tokoyami eying you anxiously, he was aware of your distress but couldn't understand its reason, so you had to get it together first and leave everything else for later..

_ "Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?" he approached you, eyes filled with unanswered questions.

You had just changed out of your costume and was about to head home and try to forget everything that happened earlier, but his sudden appearance changed your plans.

_ "What.. yeah, sure. Do you want to head to the cafeteria?"

_ "Let's just leave, I'll walk you home and talk on the way."

You nodded and left the agency side by side with him.

Numerous thoughts had battled inside your head, what did he want from you? Did he find out about your secret crush on him? Did he want to scold you for messing up earlier? Or maybe it was none of that. Whatever it was, you wanted to hear it and get it over with.

_ "So, what is it Fumikage?" you tried to play it cool, offering him a smile as you asked.

_ "Are you feeling alright?" his tone was gentle, as usual, "you were distracted today and I was really worried."

Your eyes widened and your heartbeat quickened as his words sunk in. He was worried about you.

Should you get your hopes up? Obviously none of it would mean anything if you don't gather your courage to confess your feelings.

_ "I'm fine Fumikage I promise, thank you for checking in on me." you took a deep breath and looked away from him before asking, "so, have you received any new letters?" you obviously knew the answer to your own question but you couldn't find any other way to bring up the subject.

_ "Oh, yeah, they're coming in as usual." he responded awkwardly, looking down at his feet.

You felt a little bolder so you decided to go a bit further, "what if one day you find out their identity? Or better yet, what if they finally decide to confess their love properly?"

_ "That's never going to happen." he sounded unusually stern, but there was a hint of something else that you couldn't quite understand, "I still don't think it's real." was he hurt? Disappointed? Both? Whatever it was, you hated it.

You wanted to let him know the truth more than anything else: "Fumikage.."

_ "Yeah?"

_ ".. No, never mind." you were still not confident enough for such a huge step, and telling him something important so casually like you were about to didn't seem right.

_ "It's fine you can tell me anything." his voice was warm like it's always been when addressing you. What more did you need?

_ "It was me.. the one who keeps sending you letters, that's me." you were a bundle of nerves as you finally confessed your biggest secret.

_ "Was it fun for you?" his tone had changed, "did you have a good laugh?"

What was happening? "Fumikage.."

_ "No no, that's fine, I was right after all." he raised his arms defensively and took a step back, "it was a prank, that's what friends do to each other right?"

You opened your mouth to explain yourself but it was too late, he turned around and walked away already, leaving you all alone..

Why did he react the way he did? Why did he misunderstand you?

You wanted to follow him but your body was stiff and your vision was blurry. You couldn't even tell when your tears started falling..

Things changed ever since that evening. He started avoiding you, not even a greeting or a polite head bow. You wanted to talk to him, to tell him that you were serious but he gave you no chance to do so.

You hated losing him so easily, if he didn't return your feelings, than you were to be content with your life long friendship. If only he would give you a chance to explain yourself.

_ "Oh, hi. What are you doing here?" he was startled as he found you outside his appartement one evening.

_ "Can we talk please?" you stood nervously half expecting him to shut the door on your face, but he didn't. His eyes traveled down to the cute little flower bouquet you held in your hands.

_ "Yeah sure." he stepped aside allowing you to walk in.

_ "This is for you by the way, a peace offering." you handed him the bouquet as soon as he closed the door behind you two.

_ "Thank you, but you didn't have to do any of this." he declared, placing it on the dining room table.

_ "Yes I did! This is the least I can do after hurting you that day! But please allow me to explain, it's really not what you think." you were desperate.

He looked at you for a moment but said nothing, and simply gestured you to carry on.

_ "I truly like you, not just as a friend but so much more", you took a few steps towards him as you decided to keep nothing in, "the reason why I haven't told you for so long was because I was.. scared." your voice trailed off and your eyes traveled down to your feet.

_ "Scared? Why would you be?"

_ "It's because I wasn't sure of how you would react, I honestly didn't want to lose my best friend, but I'm afraid I already have." you wanted to cry at that point, but forced your tears back before he took notice.

_ "I feel like an idiot." he chuckled nervously, "I was a jerk to you and didn't take your confession seriously, I'm really sorry for the way I acted."

Your face finally lit up after days of suffering, but for some reason you could no longer hold your tears back.

It was at that moment that he realized how serious you were about him.

_ "So, do you want to go out on a date with me? Say, tomorrow after work?" he cautiously requested, as he gently wiped your tears away.

_ "Ye.. yes, yes I do." it was the last thing you expected to hear him say. But not only did you have your best friend back, you also had a chance to go on a date with him. You were the happiest person alive.

What you failed to realize though, was that your feelings have always been mutual. And at that moment, he too was as happy as you were.

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terry-perry · 2 years

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Could you write a single mum/plus sized reader with the moon boys, meeting for the first time and she has low self esteem? I’d very much appreciate it ^^ I love how you write them :3

Steven came to work as he normally did. Keeping a good pace to lower the risk of Donna getting at him for being late again. He really needed to find something to help with his sleepwalking. He's basically become more zombie than human as he mindlessly wanders about to who knows where doing who knows what. The chain wasn't being much help either, it seemed. He still wound up somewhere somehow.

After sharing his usual pleasantries with J.B., he was welcomed by someone else. This was a new change of pace as he looked down to found a young toddler boy seated on the floor in the middle of the museum. Sweet little thing in his own little world as patrons paid him no mind. Steven jogged over to him right away.

"Hey little man! What are you doing on the floor there?"

He was about to pick the kid up until he saw someone approach them. He froze, staring at a distraught woman on the verge of tears coming their way. She was a pretty one, even in such a distressed state. The young boy caught sight of her and held his arms up, his way of asking her to pick him up.

"Gregory! I'm so sorry! Oh my god!"

Right away, she lifted him off the floor and gave him a good snuggle. Something to soothe them both. She was too invested in having her boy back in her arms to notice Steven. He couldn't look away, for some reason. He offered her a sympathetic smile.

"I take it he's yours," he told her.

"Yeah, he's a little explorer. Likes to wander off. Have to keep a close eye on him."

"I can imagine," he turned his attention to the toddler, back in his mother's arms. "Like to give your mother a fright, don't you?"

"Keeps me on my toes," she giggled. She returned Steven's smile as she looked back at him. Making full eye contact with her got his heart beating a bit. She was very pretty. Where was her partner?

"Sure you and your husband do what you can to try to keep this guy out of trouble, huh?"

Smooth, Steven. Smooth.

"No husband," she responded. "Gregory's dad isn't really in the picture."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to imply anything."

Real smooth, Steven.

But she kept on smiling, not seeming affected by what he said.

"No need to apologize. It wasn't anything bad. Expected. It's just us, and that's how we like it."

Steven smiled back then, offering it to both her and her little one who gave him a small wave as he babbled. Friendly little guy.

"Thank you for stopping for him," she said then.

"No problem," he smiled back at her.

Their eyes connected again as they kept smiling. She broke it then.

"Well, bye," she quickly walked away in the opposite direction, much to Steven's disappointment. He didn't want to think he came on too strong or felt it had been too inappropriate to inquire about the kid's dad. At least they're in the museum, so maybe he'll be able to see them again when they leave.

----

Y/N turned her head back to check out the guy she talked to. She's so stupid, she didn't even bother to get his name or tell him hers. It's just as well. No guy that cute would want to bother with a single mom, let alone one like her.

He must've thought she was a train wreck with how she could barely handle her son. Probably also thought she wasn't in the best shape to take care of him. It was one of the reasons Zach left her, after all. She never got her figure back after Gregory was born, and he felt neglected when she placed more focus on their boy.

Well, she didn't need a man like him anyway. But she couldn't help but look back at the other guy. He was at the gift shop now, working the register. She shouldn't try to start anything, but there wouldn't be any harm stopping by before leaving. Gregory might life a Taweret plushie or some chocolate that looked like scarab beetles.

#steven grant x reader #steven grant #x reader #mom!reader #marvel cinematic universe #steven grant x y/n #oneshot #single mom!reader #imagine #mcu #mcu au #request #moonknight #drabble #mcu fanfiction #steven grant fluff #marvel #moon knight

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apprenticestanheight · 5 months

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I've seen some fics of these, but I'll never turn down a coffinshipping fic where Strahm has to patch up Hoffman from when Jill uses the Reverse Bear-Trap on him. It's just sweet to me that although they hate each other, they love each other or are rather obsessed with each other, and yet Strahm would stitch up Hoffman's face... even though Hoffman put Strahm through two deadly traps 😆

Cat and Mouse- Hoffstrahm

Hi!! I am so sorry that this took as long as it did--I swear I meant to do it but stuff gets buried really quickly in my inbox and my track record with object permanence is kind of terrible, which definitely applies to requests as a lot of the time they're left to sit until I work through a backlog.

HOWEVER, this is my second coffinshipping fic and in my saw rewatch I am barely halfway into the second movie so I apologize if their characterizations are at all off, I like to think I've nailed my characterization of Hoffman but I haven't written for Strahm very much so my characterization of him might not be perfect and the same goes for how I've written their interactions.

Fic type- this is some light angst

Warnings- mentions of canon-typical saw violence, murder, and this has been edited but not very well--be wary of spelling and grammatical errors, I wrote this while tired and edited it while also tired.

Peter should probably be putting a gun to Mark Hoffmans head, if he's being honest with himself. He should be holding a gun to Marks head and demanding a confession or some kind of acknowledgement of the crimes he'd committed under the Jigsaw alias, but he's not.

He's not because Mark showed up at his house and gestured to a very gruesome looking wound on the side of his face, and when Mark wordlessly asked Peter to stitch him up, before he could think through his response, Peter was agreeing and grabbing a towel and a first aid kit with a needle and thread inside while instructing Mark to sit on the couch.

And then he was wetting the towel with antiseptic to clean the wound, telling Mark he was getting what he deserved when he flinched away or shouted with his discomfort. And then he was actively helping a serial killer.

He recalls the words that Perez had told him once, just before he'd interviewed Jill Tuck that first time.

"You should be careful," she said. "Especially with mostly unsolved cases like this one, that work ethic of yours can turn into obsession real quick. Hatred for someone might as well be able to turn into obsession with the drop of a hat, Peter, so I'd watch myself. Make sure it wasn't an obsession before I kept on with the case."

At the time, Peter had scoffed at the notion. "I'm not becoming obsessed," he'd told her, even pairing it with a smirk, like a smirk could've been convincing. "And if I am, hatred and obsession will prove to be so dangerous a line to walk that I step away anyway. I know that much--I know when to step away from my work."

But, Peter supposes he should've known that he would know when to step away from his work in all aspects except for whichever one concerned Mark Hoffman, who he felt a deep disdain for and yet wanted to know everything about all at once.

Of course the line blurred whenever Mark looked at him, had been particularly blurry as he stitched up a wound caused by one of Hoffmans so-called enemies, Jill fucking Tuck herself.

"She put a trap on me," Mark explains as Peter finishes the stitches. "That fucking bitch put a goddamned trap on me, claiming it was Johns will and all that other shit."

"I really don't want specifics, Hoffman," Peter says dryly. "You put me into two deadly fucking traps, yeah? I don't need to hear about whichever woman you've made an enemy out of, even if I hate her as much as the next person."

Mark smiles at him. Peter doesn't know if he wants to punch him square in the lips or pull him into a kiss so intense it shocks the air out of their lungs.

"You do realize what I have to do if you let me leave this house not in handcuffs, yeah?"

Peter runs his tongue over his teeth, stands up from the crouching position he'd taken while stitching up Hoffmans wound.

"I do," he says. "You're going to go kill a relatively innocent woman because she followed what I am presuming to be the will of John fuckin' Kramer, who was her murderous ex husband who willingly put innocent people to death. Yeah, I think that's easy enough to follow, Hoffman."

Mark stands, grins at Peter.

"You realize that letting me go means the chase continues?"

Peter shrugs. "You'll slow down one of these days, Hoffman. You serial killers always do. When you do get slow I'll catch you and be the one to put your ass behind bars."

Mark looks to his feet, "I really do wish this could've been different," he says.

Peter forces himself to look at the brown color he'd chosen for his curtains.

"You have fifteen seconds to be down the street and turning the corner before I start chasing you and eventually arrest your ass," he says, feeling conflicted as he speaks.

The simple truth is that Mark Hoffman is a serial killer. The simple truth is the fact that Peter should be putting him into handcuffs and bringing him to the station while he declares the Jigsaw killer caught once and for all.

But, when has their relationship ever been simple, really? Peter cannot pinpoint a moment of simplicity from it's beginning.

So, when Mark nods, bolts out the front door, Peter lets him go. He falls into the couch with a monumentally tired sigh and presses his face into the palm of his hand. A few minutes pass, and he laughs to himself.

He and Mark are in a cat and mouse scenario, and while Peter hates it, he also knows that he wouldn't have it any other way.

#mark hoffman #peter strahm #mark hoffman x peter strahm #hoffstrahm #coffinshipping #saw franchise #sawposting

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loveroftoomanyfandoms · 11 months

Text

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear Chapter 13: Matt

Rating: Explicit (18+, MINORS DNI)

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Story Summary: While speaking at a local school for visually impaired youth, Matt runs into his childhood best friend, with whom he lost touch almost 20 years prior.

Warnings/Tags: Starts out sweet 🍭 but then gets SPICY🌶️, rough sex, p in v sex, tiniest bit of possessiveness from Matt (but like, in a sexy way, not a controlling way)

Word Count: 4k

A/N: I absolutely loved writing this chapter (especially the first half) and I hope you all like it too! 🥰

Matt awoke early the next morning to the smell of freshly-brewed coffee.

He could tell by the sound of the carefully quiet footsteps in the kitchen that Ms. Y/L/N was up and about, so he pressed a soft kiss to Y/N's forehead then carefully extracted himself from her embrace before returning to his bedroom to get ready for the day.

Once he was dressed, he listened to make sure Y/N was still peacefully slumbering before making his way into the dining room. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Matt," Ms. Y/L/N replied from the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee?"

Matt nodded. "Yes, please."

"Have a seat and I'll bring it to you. Cream or sugar?"

"No, thanks."

He sat as Ms. Y/L/N poured a cup of coffee. "How did you enjoy the beach yesterday?" she asked.

"It was nice." Matt smiled. "We managed to find a pretty private spot to relax and eat, and afterwards Y/N read aloud to me for a while before we took a walk along the shore, then on the way back here she took me to this seafood restaurant where we had coconut martinis and something called 'conch'."

Ms. Y/L/N let out a light laugh. "Ah, so Y/N did take you to the Fish House. I figured she would. Was Hugh your waiter?"

Matt nodded with a grin. "Actually, yes, Y/N specifically requested him. He said to tell you hello, by the way."

Ms. Y/L/N sighed wistfully. "Such a lovely man, always takes such good care of us when we go. So how'd you like the conch fritters?"

Matt chuckled. "I wasn't too sure about trying them at first, but Y/N assured me that I'd like it, and it really was actually very good. I definitely wouldn't mind going back to Islamorada with Y/N again when it's not quite as busy."

"Spring and fall are good times to go, especially if you don't plan on actually getting in the water." Ms. Y/L/N set Matt's coffee down and took a seat adjacent to him. "Here you go, dear."

"Thank you." Matt picked his cup up and took a sip. "And thank you for your hospitality this weekend. I've enjoyed my visit."

"You're more than welcome. It's truly been a delight getting to know you, especially after hearing so much about you from Y/N over the years." Ms. Y/L/N took a deep breath. "And speaking of that, Matthew, I've been wanting to apologize to you for my involvement in separating you and Y/N back when you were teenagers. I had apparently been… shall we say… misinformed by Sister Bernadette about you and the nature of your relationship with Y/N at the time and did what I thought was best based on the information I had been given, and for that I am truly very sorry."

Matt shook his head. "I'm sure you hadn't been completely misinformed, at least not about me, anyway, although I'm sure what you'd been told had probably been at least somewhat exaggerated. As for my relationship with Y/N, though, I promise you that it really was strictly platonic at the time, despite what Sister Bernadette may have assumed was going on between us."

He huffed out a laugh. "Make no mistake, I was completely head-over-heels in love with Y/N even way back then, but I thought that I didn't deserve someone as amazing and special as she is, so I kept my feelings hidden."

"She is quite special, isn't she?" Matt could hear the fond smile in Ms. Y/L/N's voice. "But from what I gather, Matthew, so are you . You've definitely helped shape Y/N into who she is as a person, and for that I must thank you."

Matt smiled softly and nodded. "She's definitely helped shape me into who I am as well."

He paused. "Did she ever tell you what my nickname for her was when we were growing up?"

Ms. Y/L/N hummed in thought. "No, I don't believe she did."

"It was 'Angel'. When I first arrived at St. Agnes I was so nervous and so scared, but then Y/N came up to me and offered to be my friend, no questions asked. She was so kind and so gentle that I thought for sure that she must have been my guardian angel sent from Heaven to watch over me." Matt chuckled. "Honestly, sometimes I still think she is. Since the moment I met her Y/N has been the kindest and most beautiful, selfless, caring, patient, loving, and nurturing person I know, and I thank God every single day for returning her to me. When she left it felt like a piece of my soul had left as well, and the day I got her back I became whole again."

Ms. Y/L/N huffed out a light laugh. "I suppose I don't need to ask what your intentions are with her then."

Matt shook his head with a small smile. He had originally planned to just clear the air with Ms. Y/L/N this trip and broach the subject of marriage at a later date, but given the way the conversation was heading he figured he might as well just go ahead and lay all his cards on the table now. "I would think they'd probably be quite obvious, but just in case they're not..."

He paused and took a deep breath. "I know Y/N and I just recently reconnected and haven't been dating all that long, but I have loved her since I was 9 years old and known that I wanted to spend my life with her for almost as long, which is why I want to ask you for your blessing to marry her."

Ms. Y/L/N was silent for a moment. "Did you know that Y/N was engaged once before?"

Matt nodded, his heart thrumming nervously in his chest. "Yes, ma'am. She told me."

"Alex was a nice young man, but I could always tell that Y/N was never truly in love with him." Ms. Y/L/N sighed. "I really hate to admit it because I know it sounds awful, but I was relieved when she broke off the engagement. The last thing I wanted was for her to marry someone to whom her heart didn't belong."

She reached over and gave Matt's hand a squeeze. "Y/N's heart has always been yours , Matt, and from seeing the two of you together this weekend I can tell that she's always had your heart as well. So, I happily and wholeheartedly give you my blessing."

Matt sighed in relief, unable to help the huge smile that spread across his face. "Thank you, Ms. Y/L/N."

Ms. Y/L/N patted Matt on the arm. "Oh and by the way, you can call me Aunt Ruth, you know. After all, you should've been my nephew-in-law years ago."

Matt chuckled, then gave a slight nod. "Okay then. Thank you, Aunt Ruth."

Aunt Ruth took a sip of her coffee. "Now, I assume you'll be proposing soon, correct? I wouldn't imagine that you would want to lose any more time with Y/N than you already have."

Matt nodded, relieved that she had given him her blessing so readily. "Yes ma'am, probably in the next couple of months. I just need to find the perfect ring first."

"Well if I can help in any way, let me know."

"Okay, I will."

Aunt Ruth stood. "More coffee?"

Matt shook his head. "I'm good for now. Maybe in a minute."

Aunt Ruth walked over to the kitchen area. "Breakfast, then. I'm sure Y/N will be up soon."

As if on cue, Matt heard Y/N's door open.

He turned towards the doorway with a grin as Y/N walked into the dining room. "Morning, angel."

Y/N wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave him a kiss. "Mmm. Good morning, yourself."

She walked over to Aunt Ruth, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Morning, Aunt Ruth."

"Good morning, dear," Aunt Ruth replied. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, I slept great."

Matt couldn't help but smirk to himself as he took a sip of his coffee. While he admittedly felt a little guilty about sneaking into Y/N's room the previous night for a late-night romp, neither one of them would have gotten any sleep otherwise. (And as a bonus, he had wound up getting to fulfill several fantasies he had always had involving Y/N.)

Y/N poured herself a cup of coffee before sitting down next to Matt. "So what have you two been up to this morning?"

"Just talking about your trip to Islamorada yesterday and discussing breakfast options." Aunt Ruth moved towards the refrigerator. "What would you like?"

Y/N hummed thoughtfully. "Scrambled eggs?"

"Sure thing. Matt?"

"That's fine, thank you."

"Okay, coming right up."

"You know, Matt's a wonderful chef," Y/N said as Aunt Ruth grabbed the carton of eggs. "Everything he makes is amazing."

"Oh really?" Aunt Ruth replied. "Now why am I not surprised?"

Matt smiled. "You'll have to let me cook for you the next time you're in New York… Or maybe the next time Y/N and I come here for a visit."

Aunt Ruth gave a hum of affirmation. "That would be wonderful, Matt, thank you. And actually, that reminds me, we should probably start discussing plans for the holidays this year. Since there's a chance you two would be back here at the end of the year for Father DeMaria's retirement celebration anyway, I was thinking that I could come up to New York for Thanksgiving and you two come here for Christmas?"

"Makes sense to me," Y/N said. "Will that work for you, sweetheart?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, that should work just fine."

"Okay, then it's settled." Aunt Ruth poured the eggs into her electric skillet. "Y/N, maybe we can do some shopping while I'm in New York."

Y/N took a sip of her coffee. "Sure, that would be fun."

Matt took Y/N's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Thanksgiving at your place or mine?"

"Mmm…" Y/N thought for a moment. "Well, your kitchen is bigger… so probably yours, if you don't mind?"

Matt shook his head. "Of course not, angel. Not at all."

He smiled to himself as he thought about spending future holidays together in New York, Y/N nervously checking on dinner every five minutes until Matt gently reminded her that if she kept opening the oven whatever she was cooking would never be done, then whisking her off to their bedroom to distract her while they waited.

Y/N pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Matt could feel Aunt Ruth watching them with a smile as she cooked their eggs. "So what time is your flight again?" she asked.

"11:30," Y/N replied, finishing her coffee and getting up, presumably to fix herself another cup. "Which reminds me, I need to finish packing."

Matt nodded. "Yeah, me too, actually."

Aunt Ruth hummed in confirmation as she plated their eggs. "Okay, just let me know when you're ready to head to the airport."

"Okay, we will."

Y/N and Aunt Ruth walked back over to the table, Y/N setting Matt's plate in front of him. "Here you go, sweetheart."

Matt gave her another kiss. "Thanks, angel."

They quickly ate, then Matt and Y/N went to go finish packing.

Matt had just finished folding his garment bag into his suitcase when Y/N appeared in his doorway. "All set?" she asked, stepping inside the room.

Matt nodded as he zipped his suitcase closed. "Yeah, I think so. Hopefully I haven't forgotten anything important. I'd hate to have to wait almost 3 months to get it back."

"Want me to double-check?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, if you don't mind."

He waited as Y/N gave his room a quick once-over. "Nope, I think you have everything."

Matt wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you for checking."

"No problem, sweetheart." Y/N gave him a kiss. "Here, let's strip your bed so we can help Aunt Ruth get a head start on washing our sheets and pillowcases and stuff."

Matt nodded. "Okay."

They quickly stripped the bed and brought the covers to the laundry room, where Y/N put them to wash along with her own.

Y/N checked the time as they walked back into the kitchen, where Aunt Ruth was loading her dishwasher. "I think we should probably go ahead and head to the airport now since lots of people will be traveling today and traffic might be heavy."

"Okay," Aunt Ruth replied. "Give me one second to grab my purse and we'll head out."

Matt and Y/N gathered their belongings and loaded them into Aunt Ruth's trunk while she grabbed her purse.

The drive was filled with pleasant conversation about their upcoming holiday plans, with Matt promising to introduce Aunt Ruth to Foggy and Karen when she came to visit for Thanksgiving.

"By the way, it's been wonderful being here," he said as they neared the airport. "Thank you again for everything this weekend, Aunt Ruth. I really appreciate it."

Matt could feel Y/N looking at him curiously. "Yeah, Aunt Ruth, " she said, the slight emphasis on Aunt Ruth only detectable to Matt's ears. "Thanks."

"Oh, you're both more than welcome," Aunt Ruth replied as she pulled into the Departures' drop-off lane. "It's been an absolute delight having you here, and I'm looking forward to having you both back over Christmas."

She parked and popped the trunk, then they all got out to unload Matt and Y/N's suitcases.

Y/N gave Aunt Ruth a hug. "Bye, Aunt Ruth."

"Bye, Y/N." Aunt Ruth turned and gave Matt a hug as well. "Bye, Matt. Love you both. Have a safe flight home, and Y/N, text me when you land."

"We love you too, and I will," Y/N replied, taking Matt's free hand in hers. "See you at Thanksgiving."

They waited until Aunt Ruth had driven off, then headed inside the airport.

"I'm glad to hear she's Aunt Ruth now," Y/N said with curiosity on top of genuine happiness in her voice after they got their luggage checked in and headed towards the security screening area.

Matt chuckled. "Uh, yeah, she and I actually didn't just talk about our trip to Islamorada this morning… She apologized for misjudging me and for her part in our forced separation and said that since I obviously planned to stick around for a while that I might as well call her 'Aunt Ruth'."

He smiled to himself. Of course, that hadn't been the whole conversation, but… well, he would tell Y/N the rest when the time came.

Y/N huffed out a laugh as they took their shoes off and emptied their pockets then headed through the metal detectors. "For 'a while', huh? And just how long is 'a while'?"

As long as we both shall live. Matt shrugged with a grin as he slipped his shoes back on and put his wallet and phone back in his pocket. "As long as you'll have me."

Y/N linked her fingers through his as they headed towards their gate. "Oh, so 'forever' then?"

Matt chuckled, his heart full of happiness. "Yeah, sounds good to me."

Y/N gave his hand a squeeze. "Good."

They made their way to their boarding gate and sat.

Matt could hear the gentle shift of fabric as Y/N crossed her legs, the memory of being buried between her thighs the previous night creeping into his mind and flooding his thoughts.

He could feel Y/N studying him. "You okay?" she asked. "You suddenly look a little flushed."

Matt pulled his phone out of his pocket and popped in an earbud, then typed out a message to Y/N. I can't stop thinking about how much I enjoyed last night, angel. Keep thinking about the way your body spoke to me.

A few seconds later, his phone chimed in reply. I enjoyed it too, Matty. It's how I had always imagined our first time to be.

Matt let out a soft groan. Me too, angel, except I missed hearing that heavenly voice of yours letting me know how good I was making you feel. God, how I love to hear you, Y/N, love the way my name sounds on your lips when you come for me, be it on my mouth and fingers or on my cock. Can't wait to get you home so I can fuck those pretty moans out of you that I didn't get to hear last night.

He smirked as Y/N sucked in a breath. Ohh, you can't wait either, can you angel? Can't wait to have my cock buried deep inside your needy little cunt, drawing out those beautiful sounds only I've ever been able to pull out of you?

Y/N shifted in her seat, the sweet perfume of her arousal filling Matt's nose. You do realize we have a 3-hour flight ahead of us, right?

Matt grinned, feeling Y/N's eyes on him. Yes, but once I get you back to my apartment I'm going to have that beautiful voice of yours screaming out my name.

The scent of Y/N's arousal grew stronger. Is that a threat, Murdock?

Matt shook his head. Oh no, my beautiful, sweet angel. That's a promise.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

They had barely gotten themselves and their suitcases inside and shut the door of Matt's apartment 4 hours later when Y/N whirled around on Matt, pressing her lips to his as she pushed him against the wall.

Matt grinned against her lips as he took his glasses off and tossed them onto his end table. "Someone's impatient."

Y/N tugged Matt's shirt out of his jeans and pulled it over his head. "Well I wouldn't be if you wouldn't have worked me up the whole fucking flight home, Matthew."

Matt groaned as she ran her hands across his chest and down his stomach to the waistband of his pants. "Can't help that I love to touch you, angel."

Y/N unbuckled his belt and pulled it loose before tossing it away. "Yeah, well, get to touching then."

Matt chuckled. "Yes, ma'am."

He spun them around, quickly placing a hand behind Y/N's head so she wouldn't bump it against the wall.

Y/N gasped in a breath, her already-rapid pulse quickening even more.

Ah, so that's how she wants it. Matt had originally planned on taking his time with Y/N and teasing her into an incoherent mess before taking her apart, but Y/N's brief attempt at taking charge put Matt in the mood to give her exactly what she wanted.

(Didn't mean he wasn't going to tease her a bit first, though.)

He nosed her neck. "God, you smell amazing, angel. Been driving me crazy, wanted to drag you off to go fuck you in the bathroom on the plane. Guess I'll just have to fuck you right here instead."

He unbuttoned her shorts and slid his hand inside, cupping her mound over her underwear and groaning at the damp patch he felt. "Jesus, angel, you're practically dripping for me."

Y/N let out a moan. "Yes, Matty, all for you, baby. Need you in me."

Matt smirked as he pulled his hand out of Y/N's shorts then tugged her shorts and underwear down.

He slid two fingers into her. "Mmm, is this what you want, sweet girl? Or do you want my cock deep inside you, filling you up with my cum?"

Y/N gasped. "Want your cock, Matthew, please."

The combination of his given name and the outright plea coming from Y/N's lips broke the final strand of Matt's resolve. He withdrew his fingers, bringing them to his mouth to taste Y/N's nectar.

He groaned in pleasure. "Fuck, you taste so good, Y/N. Gonna get my mouth on you properly later."

He pulled her shirt up and off of her then pulled her bra down, kissing and nipping his way down to her breasts as Y/N frantically unbuttoned Matt's pants and shoved them down, freeing his hard cock.

Matt slipped his hands around her thighs. "Hold on."

He picked her up and pressed her against the wall, Y/N wrapping her arms around his neck for support.

Matt lined himself up with her core, using her wetness to coat himself before barely pressing inside and holding himself there.

Y/N whimpered. "Matt, stop teasing."

Matt growled deep in his chest. "Mmm, so needy, angel. Come on, pretty girl, beg for me."

He could feel Y/N's channel tighten right above where he was nestled in her. "Please Matthew," she pleaded. "Need you to fuck me, want to feel you stretching me out with your co -- ohmyfuckingGodyes ."

Matt buried himself to the hilt in one smooth motion, biting his lip as he resisted the urge to come on the spot like a prepubescent teenager. "Gonna stuff you full, my sweet angel, make you forget everything but my name and how good my cock feels inside you."

Y/N moaned. "God, yes. Fucking wreck me, Matthew."

Matt slid out, leaving just his tip inside Y/N before plunging back into her, setting a quick, rough pace. "Shit, such a perfect little cunt. And it's mine, isn't it, Y/N?"

Y/N sucked in a sharp breath. "Yes, yes, yours, Matt, fuck, I'm all yours, every part of me. I've always been yours."

Matt groaned. "I'm yours too, angel, God , I love you so much. You're it for me, Y/N, always have been."

"Love you, Matty, want to spend forever with you, want to --" Y/N cut herself off with a gasp.

Matt could feel the edges of his orgasm quickly approaching. "Shit, fuck , I'm -- I'm not gonna last, angel."

"Me either, Matty. I'm so close, need you to come inside me, please."

Matt tightened his hold on her and began to thrust even harder, his cock reaching that perfect spot inside Y/N that he knew would have her coming around him in less than a minute.

Y/N cried out in pleasure, digging her nails into Matt's shoulders. "God, yes -- right there, Matt, feels so fucking good, don't stop, sweetheart, please."

Matt adjusted his hold and began to circle her clit with his thumb. "Want you to come with me, angel, want to feel that sweet little cunt of yours milking my cock, taking all of my cum deep inside you."

He could feel Y/N's walls begin to tighten around his cock. "That's it, angel, let go for me. I'm right there too, beautiful, gonna fill you up, give you what you need."

Y/N hissed in a breath. "Yes, oh my God, Matt, please, yes, yes, yes, yes, Matt --"

Matt slammed into Y/N one last time, emptying himself deep inside her as she came around him.

Y/N shivered and buried her face in Matt's neck. "God, I love you," she panted.

"Mmm, I love you too," Matt murmured, carefully pulling out of her.

He gingerly set her down, making sure she wasn't going to fall before letting her go. "You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Y/N gave him a kiss. "No, I'm okay."

"Okay, good." Matt grinned. "That was pretty unexpected, but fun."

Y/N laughed. "Yeah."

Matt pulled his boxers and pants back up. "So, how about we get your laundry going, then shower and eat?"

Y/N hummed happily. "Mmhmm. Oh, and we need to make a grocery list for you."

"Okay." Matt found his shirt and held it out to her. "Want to wear this until we shower? I can give you something clean to wear afterwards since your clothes won't be done for a while."

Y/N took it from him. "Yeah, thanks, sweetheart."

She gave him another kiss. "Oh, and just for future reference, the next time you decide to tease me like that on an airplane I'm dragging you off to go join the mile-high club."

Matt grinned, already planning to rile her up on their flight to Florida for Christmas. "Deal."

#lotmf writes #AoG Masterlist #matt murdock x fem!reader #matt murdock x female reader #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock fanfiction #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock smut #matt murdock x yn

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kayhi808 · 1 year

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Billy Mine - Act 2.3

I could hardly sleep through the night. All I could think about was meeting Billy this morning. And I really hated that I fainted. I'm not a damsel in distress, I don't swoon at the sight of a handsome man. When I was little, this was not the way I envisioned meeting up with Billy again. I was going to be married to a handsome husband who adored me. I was going to have children that I loved and would never give up or leave. Nope. I looked like I got my ass kicked and I fainted. ARGH!

Staring into the mirror, taking inventory of my injuries, I tried using concealer to hide my black eye, but it's not fooling anyone. If those men are still watching me, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I hurt them & I didn't get taken. Despite looking like shit, I won! Dressing was difficult because of the shoulder brace they had me in. My dislocated shoulder was popped back into place, but it still hurt like a son of a bitch. I found a strapless sundress that I could just pull up & grabbed a denim jacket. The weather was still warm enough.

There was a soft knocking on my door frame & mom peaked in. "Honey? Bill Russo is here for you?"

"Yea, thanks. I called about the appointment and he was available this morning." I slipped on some sandals & grabbed my bag.

Worried, "don't you want me or your father there with you?"

"It's ok, mom" hugging her close. "I'll be fine." I try to give her a reassuring smile. I hate that she's worried about me. "The sooner I can get this detail set up, the sooner my life can get back to normal."

We leave my room & Bill is in the entryway. Dressed in another impeccable suit. I never would have guessed that Billy would grow up to be wearing suits everyday or looking so comfortable in them. "Good morning. You didn't have to come up here, I could have met you downstairs."

"Your security detail starts today. If you aren't in residence or work, you'll have a bodyguard assigned to you." It sits uneasily with me but I understand the need for protection, too. "Ok Mom, I'll see you later." I give her a quick kiss.

Billy nods, "Mrs. Ellis."

I feel Billy's hand at the small of my back & I know I'm blushing. He steers me downstairs to his car waiting out front. "Did you have breakfast yet?" His driver holds the door open & he helps me in before jogging to the other side to enter. "I'm in the mood for Penelope's. Is that ok?"

"S..sure." I expected to go to his office and finish this up as soon as possible. I feel awkward around him. I put my sunglasses on & face the window, ending our conversation.

We get to Penelope's and surprisingly it wasn't too busy. Billy flashed his megawatt smile at the hostess and secured us a private table away from the other diners. That grated on my nerves. I removed my glasses since we're indoors and I feel Billy's eyes on me. "You're staring. It's rude." I try to ignore him and study the menu. Our server arrives and we place our order. I get their blueberry pancakes. It's what they are known for.

"You still have a sweet tooth," Billy says with a smile. "You may not remember, but I used to swipe sweets for you from the kitchen."

"Only after you were mean to me, as an after thought." Not liking this walk down memory lane, "I remember."

Billy fidgets in his chair, looking uncomfortable. He leans in, "Look, I'm...I'm sorry..."

"There's nothing for you to apologize for, Bill."

"I hurt you."

"It was a long time ago. I was a child with a crush. It meant nothing." Bill flinches and I feel evil satisfaction with my lie quickly followed by guilt. He sits back in his chair. "That was a lie. You were not...nothing to me. I was just young and didn't understand."

"You could have kept to the lie. I probably deserved it." The guarded eyes of the boy I fell in love with as a child gazed out at me from the man sitting before me. I slide my hand across the table extending my pinky.

He smiles and entwines his with mine. "We promised not to lie to each other. We pinky promised."

"We did." He has a sad smile as he takes my hand & examines my bruised knuckles. He brings it to his lips and kisses them. The server returns with our coffees and I pull my hand back. "Were you happy with them?"

"They are wonderful! They were patient and kind to me. I wasn't always the easiest child. I ran on pure emotion but they understood what I needed. They signed me up for karate classes and I thought it was great because I'll get to beat people up. Little did I know, it calmed me down more than anything else. They focus on a clear mind, composure, & self-confidence. Everything i needed when they first got me."

"Do you love them?"

"I do! They've been so good to me ."

"I'm glad," frowning into his coffee, before meeting your gaze. "It was one of those things that haunted me after you left. 'What if they were bad...'" His eyes dart away & he clears his throat.

Again you reach across, the table to take his hand. "They've truly become my mom & dad, Billy. That dream you had for me? Having a real home, with my own room, enough food to eat, everything I ever wanted? It happened. They gave that to me and so much more," squeezing his fingers. Again, he brings my fingers to his lips.

I didn't think he cared once I left the Home, but I was wrong. I can see the pain in his eyes, when he thought the family I went to could have been bad. I didn't want to feel this way, but the walls I built around my heart were so easily breached by Billy Mine.

@idaofinfinity @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @e-dubbc11 @bustlingcrowdsxorxsilentsleepers @ellooo0ooo @snowkestrel @terry2227 @russosafehaven

#billy russo #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfic #billy mine x bunny girl #billy mine #billy russo x oc

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twotangledsisters · 1 year

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Forgive me if I’ve asked you this before but what’s your favorite headcanon about each of the tts gang?

First off, apologies for taking so long to answer! I don't have a cool excuse I just saw it while out, though I'd remember to answer later and... didn't.

But super cool question so let's get into it!

Rapunzel

For Rapunzel, I surprisingly can't think of too much, I'm sure I'll think of a million things after pressing post, but I'm going with one I included in a recent chapter because I think it's adorable:

The flowers in Rapunzel's hair are picked from the garden every morning by Eugene for her.

Eugene would pick flowers for her early on because, you give flowers to your girlfriend, Rapunzel would accept the little bucket with a smile, but not knowing to put them in a vase like any normal girl she'd go straight to the mirror and add them to her hair. A constant reminder of Eugene.

And he'd of course pick her fresh one's every single morning because if his girlfriend wants flowers in her hair she's going to have the very best.

Eugene

My fave is one you've probably all seen but will forever warm my heart. It was by guiltyhipster and @dannybird22 on tumblr though the first, I looked it up and they don't seem to have a blog anymore.

In fact, because it only seems to be around in image form, it took me a while to find but here it is:

It's so sweet.

And the idea that neither remember and it's just a coincidence would make it all the sweeter in my mind!

(I also headcanon in my fics Eugene didn't stay put in one kingdom's orphanage and kept running away and ending up in new ones so that would allow for this to be possible still).

Cassandra

There are so many good headcanons with Cass because there is so much left unsaid about her (who's her dad? why did Gothel have a kid? How did she get Owl?). Choosing just one, choosing a favourite is very hard.

But my fave headcanon (which is huge spoilers for many of my fics because I use and reuse it a lot, but I won't be saying which fics because a few have other ideas) is that she's at least half magic.

Let me explain, we know she's Gothel's daughter. But Gothel is literally pure sundrop magic at this point, that's why she dies when Rap's hair gets cut. So any child produces by Gothel is unlikely fully human.

I don't think she can use these powers in the way Raps does, I think it just kinda sits in her blood completely inactive.

This also explains why she can grab and use the moonstone magic without it trying to kill her.

Lance

That the day he got caught and sent to prison he sacrificed himself so Eugene could escape (probably without Eugene realizing that what he'd done), because Lance is the bestest big brother ever and for as many jokes as he makes I just know he'd do anything to protect his friends/family and their happiness.

Where does the tts gang end....? I'm just gonna keep going... sorry?

Arianna

Probably my fave characters!

She's a huge animal lover. Before Frederic she kept a bunch of pets but when she became queen and didn't have the time to give them the attention they deserved, she stopped getting new pets.

I mean she has two dogs a horse and a bird in her royal portrait!

She's also clearly into weapons as she has several (something I definitely dig into deep later in my fic).

Frederic

I think Frederic was probably raised in "royal isolation", that is to say, he had tutors and teachers preparing him for his future duty, there were servants and such, but he didn't really get to hang out with other kids his age, because of that he sometimes struggled with understanding other's emotions and comes of as awkward at times.

Captain of the Guard

So, in Eugene vs Cassandra, I was always really struck by Cass' explanation of how Cap raised her, specifically the line: "how to earn my keep". I don't doubt Cap loved her, but I do believe growing up with the Captain as her father was more discipline than nurturing. Especially because of where she came from.

I think Cap probably wouldn't let her get away with bad behaviour or attitude, not because he wanted to be strict or pushy, but because he was scared of the king and queen and how people would treat the daughter of the princess' kidnapper.

I think he did what he thought was best for her. But I think ultimately it backfired.

I could probably go on with every single character who ever made an appearance but, I've been writing for a while now, so hope you enjoy some of these!

#tts #rta #tts headcanon #rta headcanon #tangled the series #captain of the guard #queen arianna of corona #king frederic of corona #eugene fitzherbert #rapunzel #tts cassandra #lance strongbow

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rwprincess · 2 years

Text

"Untitled Poly Reddie Smutfic (TM)": Part Seven

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.5k

Synopsis: Richie seeks out Eddie to apologize and hopes to get your relationship back on track.

CW: angst: anger, jealousy, arguing; swearing; talk of previous sexual relationship

There was a sudden rap at Eddie's door. Really, it could only be Y/N or Richie; no one else ever bothered to visit him. He had already told Y/N not to come here, that her boyfriend had to take the first step. Although he perked up at the thought that maybe she ignored that demand, one he hadn't really meant. While he wanted an apology from Richie, he still missed her and some dumb, latent romantic part of him hoped she'd land on his doorstep, begging for him. Then the knock came as the tune 'Shave and a Haircut.' Richie.

Eddie sighed and lugged himself over to the door. Even though he had requested this, he didn't really know what to say to Richie, or rather, what he wanted Richie to say. He was still upset; in all these years, this was probably the shadiest and most underhanded thing Richie had ever done. Nonetheless, he opened the door.

Richie had been poised to start another knock, thinking what tune could escalate the urgency of Eddie opening up, then he quickly floundered backward in surprise. He falsely tried to look suave, leaning his forearm against the doorframe, "I heard you were looking for me?" He asked and Eddie rolled his eyes.

"Not so much. But you're here now. I'm assuming you have something to say?"

"You know me. Always." Richie's eyes sparkled with the joke but Eddie's set jaw told him that the latter was having none of it today. Eddie cleared a space for Richie to enter the small apartment, and Richie hastily did so. They both stood in awkward silence for a moment.

"So…talk." Eddie urged, impatiently. Richie didn't just come here to stand in his living room/kitchen/dining area not knowing what to do with his hands.

"I don't really know where to start, to be honest." Richie admitted and Eddie gave another eye roll. "C'mon! You know I don't plan my speeches. They just happen because I never shut up. Okay, I guess first of all, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't come by sooner--"

"Or call." Eddie reminded him, even though Richie was getting to that.

"Or even call. Regardless of the situation, I shouldn't leave you alone that long. You're important to me and you should know that."

"It's pretty damn impossible to tell where I stand with you, Rich." Eddie folded his arms over his chest and took a step back, guarding himself physically from the hurt he felt emotionally.

"Eds, you have always been my best friend. My little Eddie Spaghetti," Richie cooed and Eddie cut him off again.

"I told you a million times when we were kids not to call me that. And don't try to be funny. For once in your fucking life, be serious. Have a serious conversation with me if you want to fix this."

Richie gulped, put in his place. He couldn't use the one defense mechanism he had learned to cope with…well, life. "Sorry about that, too." He mumbled. "I don't know how to handle…serious stuff. I push it down or make a joke. I mean, you know that, obviously. But---shit, this is really hard for me.”

"Fine, then answer my question instead: what the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, what happened? You asked me to spend the night and were all sweet and doting and then we have like a date night all together and you completely flipped?! You kept saying weird, snarky shit all night. I thought it was all in my head until you asked Y/N if she belonged to you. You went from calling her 'our girl' to demanding she say you're the one and only? While I'm there?! I know you know how much that had to hurt. In fact, I'm sure that's why you did it! So, seriously, man, what the fuck?!"

"Wow. Uh, yeah. I mean, nailed it on the head, Ed. I…I talked about it with Y/N and that's exactly what I was doing. And I don't have a good excuse. But…it all boiled down to me being jealous. Shocker, I know, right? Richie Trashmouth couldn't handle not being the center of attention and let his smart mouth ruin a good thing. Like that's never happened before."

"Jealous of what? You literally asked me to have sex with you and your girlfriend, or rather, had her ask me. And then extended that into a sort of relationship. So what do you have to be envious about?"

"Because, that night, I could see that I screwed myself over!" Richie cried out in exasperation. "I realized how good you two looked together, were together. And I just felt completely out of place and unneeded. It felt like I'd set up the two people I wanted most. It was really selfish and I tried to just shove the feeling down and instead of objecting in the moment or talking about it in a healthy way, I tried to take control in an asshole way and make you jealous."

"Yeah. It was definitely an asshole move. What, you wanted me to feel how you were feeling? Left out? Unnecessary?"

"Maybe subconsciously. I don't know." Richie looked down at the ground. It was hard enough to admit all of his flaws out loud, even more so when he was looking at Eddie's dark, pained eyes.

"I don't know if we can fix this." Eddie said softly after a moment. "I…I miss you. Both of you. But it hurts to even think about seeing you two again."

"I don't know what to do, either. But I know that I want you in my life. We want you back. Y/N was the catalyst in getting me to come here. She made me swallow my pride and told me to 'fix it,'" Richie made air quotes and then sighed, "I don't know if we can just put the cat in the bag again and be just friends?" He looked up at Eddie again and took a step towards him, a little hopeful. Eddie's hardset expression immediately killed that dream.

“I’m sorry, Rich, but I love her,” the latter sucked in a deep breath at this confession; it was quick and stung his lungs. “I don’t know if I knew it to begin with, and maybe I should have been more upfront about it, but…a part of me just assumed you knew. I assumed that was why you had her ask me in the first place, because you knew I couldn’t say no.”

“Did…did you only say yes to be with her?” Richie hated asking the question, but he had to know the truth, even if it made him sick to his stomach.

After a long pause filled with consideration, Eddie replied honestly. “No. It was a factor, of course but---but I’d also been thinking about how I feel about you and trying to figure that out.” This caused Richie’s heart to jackhammer.

“What’s the consensus?”

“Jury’s still out, dickhead. It changes all the time because I can’t read you. I don’t know what you’re really thinking: if you’re sincere or playing some kind of head game for a power trip.”

“Eddie, it’s never been a game. I mean, I have always been sincere and have genuine feelings for you.” He brought his hand up to Eddie’s face, a palm against his cheek to emphasize his point, his thumb stroking softly along the sharp cheekbone underneath. “I think they’ve always been there, long before I even met Y/N. I just didn’t know how to cope with them, so I didn’t. And I guess I’m still doing that: pushing those feelings down and pushing you away instead of dealing with it head-on. I’m afraid of what you’ll think, what you’ll say.” His dark eyes flicked back and forth behind his lenses, searching Eddie’s face for some unwritten truth, “But that’s just bitten me in the ass. I almost lost you.”

“Don’t be so sure you haven’t.” Eddie said, pursing his lips together tightly, trying to contain a smile just below the surface.

“Eddie, please don’t fuck around with me on this.” Richie said in the most serious, authentic tone Eddie had ever heard him use.

“Okay,” he said back softly, intent just as pure.

“How do you feel? About me? Are we…is this done or can you give me a second chance.”

“It’s more like the thousandth chance with all your fuck ups over the years.” Eddie replied and Richie winced, closing his eyes and making his lashes meet harshly. “But…that’s never stopped me before. I think I’ll always come back to you, Rich. I need you. For some dumbass reason or another.” He placed a reassuring hand over Richie’s as it still palmed his cheek.

“Can I kiss you?” Richie asked after a moment, processing Eddie’s confession, his heart aflutter and so much lighter from it. Eddie nodded and Richie didn’t waste a second pressing their lips together. As they had done countless times, over many years before, in different ways, Richie crashed into Eddie.

#poly reddie #polyamourous #reddie #reddie x reader #richie tozier #richie tozier x reader #richie x reader x eddie #richie x eddie x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader #eddie x reader #eddie kaspbrak #it stephen king #it fanfic #series #angst #reddie angst

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afraidofthismyself · 2 years

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I went on a few more dates with that same guy before we sort of fizzled out of each other's lives. I had begun to feel safer, but neither of us was giving the other what we needed to make it a proper relationship.

On April 28th, 2021, a few weeks after that last post, I met somebody. He was on my course, but due to the restrictions in Wales because of Covid-19, he had been unable to travel down from his home. With the restrictions lifted, this was his first time meeting everyone. I had only interacted with him once the entire time, in a quick online meeting and thought nothing of it. However, within a few hours of our initial meeting I knew he was interested in me. And I'm not saying that believing that "of course he would be". I'm normally the type of person who continuously doubts that until it is really hard to avoid, but his attention was very singular given who we had around. He asked me to show him around campus, we went out for coffee together and made an effort to get to know about each other. After installing my own artwork, he asked me my opinion on his and photographed mine. When he had to leave to head back up to Wales, he told me that he would reach out to me on Insta.

Sure enough, he was messaging me that night, saying it was nice to meet me and continuing our conversation.

The exhibition critique went well, and de-install happened. I put his work away carefully, sent him a picture of what it looked like and where he could find it in the studio before heading out with some of my course mates for a drink. A few hours and drinks later, I was getting off the train and in the parking lot he video calls me. I remember thinking you only video call someone if you like them. He thanked me for putting the work away and began asking me about my day and so on. It was a short lived call as my Uncle was picking me up. I apologized for having to hang up, but I was smitten.

We continued talk for the next few weeks, talking art and life in general. It was flirty, but not in a way that made me uncomfortable. He wasn't overtly sexual. It was funny and it felt safe and so I was excited when he said that he would be coming down to London again in mid May to do another installation on campus. I was sitting in the studio I shared with my course mates when he walked in. I didn't want to seem overly eager so I didn't immediately rise out of my seat. He came in and a woman walked in behind him. I was jarred for a second before I realized it was his Mum. Very sweet woman, very kind and attentive. I'll always hold a bit of a soft spot for her for how welcoming she was to me.

I wanted to make sure that I didn't look too eager to hang around so I tried to keep my distance. Going about my work in the gallery and in the studio as much as possible. About halfway through the day, he asked me if I wanted to get a drink after Uni. I was probably a bit quick to respond if I was trying to remain aloof. We go for the drink alone, we talk. Alcohol makes me a bit more honest than I would like to be sometimes. As things became a bit more flirty, a bit more obvious, I decided I needed to lay down a bit of the law. I told him I'd never had sex. He seemed surprised, asked me if I was waiting for it to be special. I said no, but that I had been sexually abused as a kid. It made wanting to have sex difficult because it would come with further complications and it was an issue of trust. He said he understood, said he was sorry. Didn't pry or ask me more. At the time, I thought that was a good thing. We parted ways and I caught the train back home from Uni, knowing I'd see him again the next day for his exhibition and to say goodbye as he would be going home again. The exhibition went well, I helped him document. He asked me if I would repaint the gallery for him since he was leaving. Me, always eager to please and prove how good I am, said yes. And he left.

We kept talking. I wanted to know when he would be back down in London. He said possibly not until June. I was gutted. I made it obvious that I wanted to see him. The flirting became more obvious, a bit more sexual, but nothing to make me go running to the hills. It was all exciting and new and wonderful. So a few weeks after his last visit, when he mentioned how much I would love his family's farm and how I should visit. I felt bold enough to say name the time and day and I'll be there. I never thought he'd actually take me up on. Next thing I knew, I had tickets booked to go up to Wales.

There's something extremely daunting about travelling to lose your virginity. I had made my mind up it would happen while I was there. It sounds stupid now to write. I'd waited 24 years and suddenly a guy I hadn't even met a month before I wanted to sleep with. I'm not going to take away from my decision, it felt right at the time. On May 28th, 2021. I took a train up to Cardiff where he met me at the station. We spent the day in the city together, had lunch at the Cosy Club. There was the first time we really talked about sex, laid out the ground rules. There was no talk of a relationship. I would be moving home in less than a year. It was more of a statement on monogamy while sleeping with someone and of being open and honest about what was occurring within the sexual relationship. I thought that was really all I needed.

We took the train up to Caerphilly and were picked up by his dad, who funny enough has the same name as my Dad and was born in the same year. We drove a bit out from there, where his family ran a farm and a small glamping set up for "stay-cations". I spent the evening helping them deliver food down to the guests and chatting with his Mum and Dad. Both lovely people, very kind. Very complimentary as well. Time ticked on and then we were left alone. He went outside, taking a drag from his vape and I came to stand outside with him. I was looking out to the field and he came up behind me, began kissing me neck and feeling up my breasts. Literally felt like I was getting the wind knocked out of me. My heart was beating 100 miles a minute. We moved into the lounge room, he began playing some tunes on the piano. We kissed for the first time there. We then move over to the couch and feel each other up before finally deciding to go to bed.

Just enough time passes while we are getting ready for me to get into my head. I'm freaking out, having no idea what I'm doing or what is even going to happen. But I'm determined, I feel like I have to do this now. He comes into the room, the lights go off. We kiss, just a bit. Not as much as I would like. I ask him to grab a condom. There wasn't really much foreplay and I'm all psyched out and my body just wouldn't open up to it. I tried, but it was painful and I had to tell him to stop. Him actually stopping was almost something I needed. To know that he would lifted a lot of fear off my shoulders. He told me he needed to get off, I let him sort of just do what he needed with me (nothing I didn't consent to, I just don't want to go into the details). He asked me if I wanted to get off and I said no. We fell asleep and I was a bit mad at myself, knowing that I'd be going home the next day and hadn't done what I thought I would.

We wake up the next morning and when he wants to be sexual, he asks if we can try oral instead. I say yes, but tell him I don't know what I'm doing. He assumed when I said I'd never had sex that I had done other things. I quickly corrected him. He "complimented" me by saying he wouldn't have known if I hadn't told him. I don't think I believe that now, but it made me feel a bit more at ease then. He didn't touch me that morning.

We go into town that day, look around Caerphilly and have lunch. By the time we reach the mid-afternoon, I realize that he had no expectation of me leaving. I thought we had agreed to the one night, but I was happy to stay. So we follow a similar path of a night in at home and once again once his family leaves, we are left alone. When we go to bed, I ask for us to try again. He grabs a condom. He makes a joke about how if we had anal then I would still be a virgin. I laugh it off, thinking it was a joke. This unfortunately will come into play later.

There was very minimal foreplay and very minimal kissing. I quickly picked up that wasn't something he wanted to do very often with me. It sat wrong, but I tried not to overthink it. He put his fingers inside me, in more than one way. We hadn't discussed it, but it didn't hurt so I didn't complain. We had sex. He was careful and slow. It didn't hurt, that I was very grateful for. We started in missionary and I was enjoying myself, although very unsure about what I was meant to be doing and letting him just guide me. Never had my legs moved into such weird positions before. We switched to doggy and I remember thinking that I had always been told sex wouldn't take this long. I didn't like doggy, too easy to get into my own head but it was the position he preferred. When he came, he took the condom off an came over my vulva. I was attracted to this, turned on by it. It wasn't something that had been discussed.

Afterwards, there was blood all over the sheets. And not the little bit they tell you about in historical movies. Like, a lot. I was freaking out but somehow had to comfort him cause he'd "never slept with a virgin before and didn't know anything about this". So while I'm trying to find out while I'm bleeding so much, he's freaking out about some sheets. I was thankful I brought pads. I pass a massive clot in the morning. I don't tell him. I have no one to talk to and I'm freaking out. The bleeding lasts about three days before it stems off.

I ended up staying in Wales for about 8 days. Bit longer than predicted. I helped his family on the farm, met his siblings, helped in his sister's shop - even doing some renovations. We had sex many more times. I learned a lot of things I liked, but it was never talked about beforehand. Sort of just happened during and I suppose I figured it was just how you explored during sex. How would you know if you liked something if it didn't happen to you? Choking, being called names. It was never something I really thought I would like.

We said goodbye at Caerphilly train station. He said he would miss me. We kissed and he smacked my ass before I got on the train to head down to Cardiff, then back to London, then to Hertfordshire. It was only once I was home that the guilt of what I'd done set in with myself. I felt a bit disgusted for what I found I enjoyed during sex and also was upset that I hadn't protected the small child inside of me who had been scared of anything sexual since I was eight. I struggled, I spoke to my therapist. I knew I didn't regret what I'd done, I just had to work through it.

We keep talking. He says he misses me, how things aren't as good while I'm not there. Our messages become more sexual. Images, videos, all that awful stuff I said I'd never do is being done. He begins talking more about the things he wants to do. Anal is there. I know he wants me to try it. I don't say anything about being apprehensive. I just want to give him what he wants. It continues like this through June. I find out he is coming down to London again. I feel a lot of anxiety, less excitement than before. I try to tell myself that it's all in my head, that things haven't been different or weird. I got the train to school, wait for him to arrive. I feel a bit lighter when I do see him.

As far as I was concerned, when it came to our course mates, whether they suspected anything was happening between us was their business, but we weren't going to give them anything obvious to work it. At least, that was my understanding. So when we were in the gallery installing work and he decided to grab my ass in front of everybody I was a bit shocked and embarrassed, but I didn't say anything. We left the school not long after that to go to his hotel, meanwhile the whole time on the Underground he was feeling me up. Again, not something we had really discussed and not something I really like to this day but I figured it was easier to just get through it than make a big deal.

We get to the hotel, he debates back and forth if he wants to shower or have sex first. We settle on sex. I brought lube with me this time to make things a bit easier and it was all good. Sex definitely improves the more you have it. When he asked me if we could try anal, I kind of felt like my stomach dropped. I knew he wanted to, knew he'd been basically saying it was going to happen for weeks. I was very anxious about, had been worrying it would happen. But I knew it was what he wanted by how much he talked about it. And how can you say you don't like something unless you try it?

It was awful. I'm sure there is a way for it to feel good but my body was pressed down onto the bed, no way for him or I to try and make me feel good if you know what I mean. It was very obvious it was being done for him and not for both of us. And maybe I need correction, but I thought sex was meant to be good for both. That action in itself and not even the attempt to pleasure me or have me at least pleasure myself was jarring. He asked if I was in pain, and I was. But I said no.

This would haunt me even now. Why did I say no? What was I afraid of? That he would stop, that the pain would stop? That's exactly what I wanted. I think in the end I was worried about not living up to a fantasy. That in that moment I knew if I gave him a reason to leave, he would. Take the out.

It had been his birthday the day before. We were due to meet up with his friend for drinks. I was flattered that I was invited along. I'm beginning to realize how easy I was to impress. The whole night he keeps making jokes and alluding to the fact that we had anal sex before going out. I brush off every comment hoping nobody else picks up on it. I'm in pain, but not enough to stop what I'm doing. We walk back to the hotel that night. He keeps looking at me and smirking. Before I can even ask what he says "I can't believe you took it in the ass." I try as hard as I can not to feel shit about myself.

We have sex again in the morning. Nothing painful this time. I'm laying on my back and as we go through the motions, he looks at me before taking my toe in his mouth. I distinctly remember saying to him at some point half-jokingly that people who were into feet should be hunted for sport. I'm so stunned I'm just staring at him. Definitely no discussion about this. We leave the hotel, get lunch together, and go to Uni. That was the last time I had sex with him.

The reception is that night. Some curation students from another Uni are deciding who they want in the show they'll curate. It's more of a "who became friends with them" sort of thing, but worth putting together anyway. I had planned to go home that night as he had made it clear he wanted the evening for himself. He asked me if I was going to join them round for drinks and I said I'd have to be off soon to catch the last train. He asked me to stay later, I said I couldn't run the risk of missing it. He then told me I could stay with him another night. I spend most of the night feeling like shit. Wondering why I'm existing in this space when it is obvious he doesn't really want me there, but also becoming obvious that he wants the convenience of me. I swallow down the anxiety. After a night of drinking, we go back to the hotel. We wake up late in the afternoon, get coffee, go to the Uni to clean up our work. I have to catch the train home. We kiss goodbye. That's the last time.

I knew things had changed and gone wrong, but stubborn as I am and desperate to prove that there isn't something wrong on undesirable about me, I keep giving. The sexual messages continue for another month along with our normal conversation, but slowly it begins to taper off to if I'm lucky one message per day.

Our degree show is coming up in September. We had decided earlier on to share a space. How stupid that was. I went in and painted both of our spaces in order to get them ready months in advance. Once more a desperate and rather pathetic attempt to prove how useful I could be. August passes and I barely hear anything. Installation week arrives for the degree show. Two days pass and I don't see him. My professors and advisors ask where he is and tell me to call him to find out what is going on. I can't very well say to them "No, I can't do that. You see I fucked this guy and ended up falling for him a bit, but now that he's fucked me every way he could think of, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore and I may be desperate, but I'm not so desperate as to call and tell him to get his ass down here cause I'm both terrified and excited at the prospect of seeing him again because I'm hoping if he sees how useful I am he might actually see me as a human being and nothing some hole he got to fuck".

I don't hear from him and I decide to paint his side of the room over again so at least if he's bailed, I can have a clean side of the room to deal with. Of course I get a message from one of my girlfriends saying that he told her that he's arriving the next day. When he does show up, its awkward. I keep working on whatever bits of my installation are left and then go around out of the room trying to help everybody else where I can, but mostly just to get out of the situation. But, where he can get me he does and so I lend him a hand with some of his work because when he asks I can't help myself. We end up going around looking at the different spaces. He asks when I have to go home and I tell him I'm staying in a hotel during the install week. He asks if I want to go for a drink. I say yes.

We go to the pub around the corner from Uni where we went the first time. He asks me how I've been and I really just tell him the bare minimum. It's a lot of beating around the bush and not acknowledging anything. All I know is he makes it clear we won't be having sex again. But when I make a comment about needing to go for a PAP smear, he asks me who else I've been sleeping with. I informed him that I needed to go still after sleeping with him. He's mildly offended. We have the few drinks, keep talking. I ask him about going on a residency to Georgia. He asks when I'm going back to Canada. He walks me to the Underground and we say goodbye. I think I must have cried myself to sleep that night.

I see him a bit through the next few days before he goes home to Wales. I'm looking after both our spaces as he has a tv set up. He comes back down to London on the Tuesday for the closing reception. I'm dreading it. I come down from watching the space. I'm wearing this red tweed dress I got from Marks and Spencers. I feel good about myself. That kind of stops when I see him down in the caf. I stick by my girlfriends. Not immediately going to him. With how stretched and forced all of our interactions had been, I really didn't want it to continue into this. The moment I'm sort of on my own, he comes over and starts talking to me. It's comical, really. In wanting to sleep with me at the few times he came to Uni, I was kind of the only friend he had. Sure, he could talk to the others, but I was actually the person he knew best. He asked for me help up in our installations. So, stupidly, I left the drinks and my friends to go and help him. He was going to be doing an performance piece. Of course, by the time he was due to perform, he was nowhere to be found and as people filled the room, they asked me where he was. So, I went to look for him, found him with his family down the elevator, and sent them up. Performance went, I of course filmed it for him cause why wouldn't I? Add to the humiliation.

Then it was just wandering around until the reception was finished. I was asked if I wanted to go out for a drink. I said I'd need to catch the train. He convinced me to get a hotel for the night. We all went out for a drink, a good many of us, but he sat next to me most the night while I tried to sit near my friends to kind of flank myself. We all say goodnight to each other around midnight, one of the older men on my course uncomfortably kissing me on the cheek when we parted. Then the two of us were heading off back to the hotel. Spoke a little bit on the train. We got there, checking in. I went up to my room, he went to his.

I didn't message him in the morning, I just went to school to begin de-installing the exhibition. I had a whole room that was green that had to go back to white. He showed up around noon and to his credit, he did help me. We got a coffee together and then went back to Uni and said goodbye so he could catch the train home. We hugged. That was the last time I ever saw him in person.

Of course it couldn't end that simply. With him in Georgia, I thought perhaps that it might give me the distance that I needed in order move myself away. No. Based on how well we collaborated and worked together, we were assigned to run some teaching courses together through the remainder of Unit 3. To my insanity, I was trapped with someone who basically just had a go with the flow method for teaching and even more than that, was unreliable for planning and gave very dubious advice to students. It was frustrating, forced more contact between us that neither of us needed, and made me still just as pathetic as I had been before.

Oh, but the most pathetic part wasn't even done yet. Why would it be? I'd used my last bit of time in the Foundry to make him a Christmas gift. A bronze casted "rotten apple", a memento to one of the shows he'd put on at Chelsea. During one of our last teaching sessions, I asked for his address so I could mail him "something". He told me to give to him in person. I reminded him that I would be leaving the country a week after he got back from Georgia so he likely wouldn't see me. He got really cross about this. Asking me why I would leave before the final presentations and all that. I told him that with us being able to present online, I had nothing holding me here. I just wanted to go home and be with my family. I was over my time in England.

So I went home. December 11th, 2021, I was on a plane back to Canada. I did my presentation on the Monday which he did not see. Expecting him to turn up to anything I did would have been laughable. I went to every presentation through the week, including his. Trying to participate where I could. In his, I purposely asked a question I knew he couldn't answer. I'd been telling him for months that his work was uncanny and explaining why. In his presentation, that's exactly how he described it. I asked him what his definition of the uncanny was in relation to his work. He couldn't answer - he would have been able to if he ever listened to me talk about his work. He messaged me to "thank" me for the question. And then it was radio silence for about two weeks. He only messaged me on Christmas to say thanks for the gifts. Judging on if he'd actually opened it, I would have got more than that. Then more silence. On Instagram I see him posting to his story with a girl.

On January 2nd, 2022, I received a Christmas card from him in the post. It was stupid and completely him.

On the 6th of January, 2022, he messaged me asking what time it was in Canada and if he could call me for a catch up and to thank me properly for the gifts. I said yes. It was only about 20 minutes long. He asked me how I was doing and we had a bit of idle chit chat, talked about books we'd been reading. He then confessed to me he'd only opened the gifts I sent him that day. He said they were the most thoughtful gifts he'd ever received. Not sure how much I believe that now. When I said I'd assumed he hadn't actually opened them, he said he'd struggled to do so because I had been such a good friend to him and it was hard for him to accept the fact that I wasn't going to be there anymore. I was a bit taken aback, having not expected that. But I kind of knew it was a trap, trying to get me to be emotionally invested again. And to what purpose? Not like I was there anymore. I just said, what's done is done and I'm back in Canada now, there was nothing that was going to change that. We spoke a little bit after that before saying goodbye.

We spoke, with him messaging me once a week basically for the next few months. The last time he messaged me back was June 23rd, 2022. His birthday.

I was preparing to go back to England for my graduation July 2022 (earlier this month) and I'd spent months being anxious about seeing him again, to the point that I was dreading going. I didn't want to be dragged down to that level anymore. It was already bad enough that I hadn't been the one to cut off contact, but I'll be honest that if he hadn't, I probably never would have ended it.

I went to England and back to Wales. I took my grandmother and we went to Cardiff and even back up to Caerphilly. It was beautiful, and nice to see it again on my own. But it kind of felt akin to being a ghost. He didn't come to graduation. And I admit my relief, even though it made me feel ridiculous for worrying so much up until that point. I knew now I would never see him again in my life. And the relief of that was almost too much to bear.

And so here I am now. My fear of sex was probably rational. I don't think I would ever want to go through something like that again. I'm less angry with him now. In truth, I'm mostly ashamed of myself. I know I could have acted better, expected more, respected myself more. But it is part of the learning curve, I guess. I'm glad it was when I was older, I don't know if I could have survived that as a teenager. But yeah. It's been over a year since I last had sex. I decided not to look for anything else. If love or sex is going to come around, it needs to find me.

It felt good to get all this out. I'll say goodbye to you now, Welsh guy. You were a lesson I didn't really want.

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