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wonderlandwalker · 5 months

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Desperate Times | Remus Lupin x Reader

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Summary: Remus doesn't want to hurt you, but you can't sit still any longer. When you do inevitably get hurt, he tells himself that enough is enough (part 2: Desperate Measures)

Content Warnings/Tags: Blood, injury, fighting, angst, bad coping mechanisms

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: I made edibles and then I made this so if it turns out to be horrible I'll just delete it in the morning. There will be a part two for this but only the gods will know how long that's going to take.

You had been fighting all afternoon. You had just wanted to help him. And you did, really, you did help him. Remus was grateful for all the times you brought him chocolate pastries for breakfast in the hospital wing, because you knew how much he loathed the porridge they served there. He was thankful for all the times you would lay down next to him and run your fingers through his hair until he fell asleep. This time you had simply wanted to help again, you had told him you could no longer make him go through it alone. You had concluded that this was for the best for the both of you.

“You are following breadcrumbs with the assumptions youre making right now, do you know that? You can't do this.” He was angry you couldn't get it through your head that this was a bad idea, at how stubborn you were being.

“I can and I will, you can’t stop me Remus.”

“What are you gonna suggest next, walking into a house made of candy only to be eaten by an evil old witch?”

“The witch never ate them”

“That’s not my point.” He was angry with you now, why couldn't you just understand?

The full moon was tomorrow, and you had set your heart on helping him during the transformation instead of only after. He was telling you how it would only make him more worried, because if something happened to you and it was his fault, he didn't think he would ever be able to forgive himself. He had told you to stay in the castle tonight, but you were worried about him, and you told him you didn't care if he hurt you, because it wouldn't be him. You told him you didn't just want the good times, you wanted to be there for the hard times too, because you wanted to be with him through everything. But he was stubborn too, and he wouldn't risk it.

But you didn't listen, of course you didn't listen, he should've known better than that. He had seen you show up with James, Sirius and Peter. And he had wanted to protest, but it was already too late.

And now you were running through the forest, you were running as he chased you. The others had lost sight of the two of you for only a little while, but the werewolf had decided what it wanted quickly.

It had already been too late when you realized it. He had jumped at you, pushing you into the tree behind you, your head slamming into it. Your breath started to run short, and you started to feel afraid, but nothing could scare you more than what you saw when you opened your eyes. Right in front of you was Remus, or at least a distant version of him. His werewolf form was looming over you. You remembered how his eyes always shined when he smiled at you, but there was no trace of that now.

You felt blood coming from your abdomen, and you started to feel weaker and weaker. And only one thought remained in your head, you decided to make those your last words.

“I love you, Remus”

And just before your eyes closed, you could see his pupils dilate and his breathing quicken, and right as you had given up, he backed away from you

But before you could think of it any further, you could see James coming from behind you, he knocked Remus down and you could hear the werewolf whining. Sirius had turned back into his normal form, and was approaching you fast.

“He didn’t mean to.” You tell him. He has to know Remus didn't mean to. And just as he was about to talk he could see the colour drain from your face and your eyes close.

Remus had transformed back, and the first thing he did was ask Sirius where you were. He needed to know where they had brought you, he needed to see you to make sure you were okay. They had told him to settle down, get some rest for the night and go see you in the morning. But how could they think he was able to get any rest if they didn't let him see you?

Despite how tired he was, and how much his muscles ached, his heart hurt more. So he tore free from the grip James had on him, he used all of the strength that his exhausted body could possibly give him in order to see you. But it took a toll on him, and as he saw the state you were in, the claw marks on your stomach and the fabric pressed against it soaked in a heavy red liquid, he started seeing little white spots cornering in on him and he fell back to the floor.

He woke up in the hospital wing, and immediately he was worried. But he wasn't worried about the fresh wounds on his arms or the scratches on his neck, he was worried about you. He couldn't see you from where he was, and maybe it was for the best. Because if he had to face you right now, if he had to see you right now with the memory of what he had done to you, he swears he would have fallen through his knees at your side.

And so, over the next days, he does the only thing he can think of to avoid it. He avoids you. But no matter how hard he tries, he can't keep himself from you completely. He still watches you sitting beside your friends in the great hall, still watches the way you pick at your food. But when you catch his gaze, when he sees that bit of hope in your eyes as you catch his, he makes himself look away. He looks away and doesn't see the hurt look that passes over you, he doesn't see how your Lily reaches out for you and asks you what is wrong.

It had been a week now, and he had to keep reminding himself not to give in every time he saw you. Because he sees the way your smile has disappeared, he sees the way you eat less and the bags that have formed under your eyes. His friends tell him how much you say you miss him, and he misses you too. But he knows if he just holds on a little longer, it will all be better in the end. If you move on from him, only then can he stop worrying about hurting you, only then can he be sure you’ll be okay. And he wants to reach his arms towards you, he wants to hold you and whisper endearments to you. But he so goes on, despite everyone telling him that you’re worse off this way, that he was making you both go through unnecessary turmoil. Because he knows that this is the only way he can be certain you’ll be safe.

But as he continues to shut you out, he sees the way you start smiling again when someone asks you something, the way you light up as you recognize someone. As time moves on, so do you. Slowly, but surely, you move on. And it's not as if you haven't reached out to him, he still remembers the last conversation you had with him. You had asked him why he was avoiding you, what was going on and why he wouldn't talk to you. He was telling you that it was over between you, that he simply didn't want to be with you anymore. But you had called his bluff, no matter what he said you wouldn't accept it. He was getting desperate, not sure how much longer he could refrain from giving in to you, so he said the one thing he knew would work, the one thing that would surely make you leave him.

“There is no us, there never was.”

His voice isn't shaky, it doesn’t sound doubtful, because this was his last resort, and he had just used it. He told you, and within a second, your arms dropped to your sides and you were dead silent. Looking at him as if he had just ripped out your heart from within your chest with his bare hands. Your eyes are looking at him to save you from this hurt, to say he didn't mean it so you can forgive him and fall into his arms. But it was working, and he couldn’t give in now that he was finally making you believe it. While at war with himself, he said

“Who could ever love someone like you.”

And there it was, there was the one thing that made you recoil as if touching fire. And without saying another word, you started to cry. But you weren't sobbing, not making any expression. Your face was stoic and cold as you looked at him, and it was a stark contrast to the emotions that were showing just minutes before. You were standing completely still, waiting for him to say something, to take it back.

If he spend another minute looking at you, looking at the light leave your eyes even if you weren't really dying, he would have taken it back. But he stood his ground. And between the beats of your heart, his soul crumbled to ashes.

Part 2: Desperate Measures

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oscarpiasstri81 · 6 months

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i wanna ruin our friendship - oscar piastri

part one / part two

summary ~ in which oscar and his childhood best friend discover their feelings for each other through an… unconventional way

pairing ~ {oscar piastri x childhoodbsf!reader}

content warnings ~ smut! vaginal fingering, oral (m and f receiving), language, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kids!!), angst?, fluff, aftercare, probably horrible grammar, etc.

a/n ~ i’ve never written one of these before, so please be nice. also, english is not my mother tongue, do let me know if i’ve made a mistake, or if i missed any content warnings!!!!

word count ~ probably like 3.5k?

As you looked at the group around you, you had finally noticed there was no place to sit. You were meeting up with some friends from the grid plus their friends and significant others. In total, there were at least 30 people, so it shouldn’t have came as a surprise that even Charles’ Monaco home didn’t have enough seating.

After a minute of scanning the room, looking lost, you met eyes with your best friend, Oscar Piastri. He noticed that you had been clearly looking for somewhere to sit, with your drink in hand, and patted his lap, beckoning you over. Naturally, you had gone to sit with him without argument. As you sat down, he rested his hand on your knee.

This wasn’t unnatural behavior between you and the rookie driver. The two of you had been friends since childhood. Both having grown up in Melbourne and living on the same street, you were bound to grow such a strong bond. You’d been through everything together. From petty childhood arguments to friend breakups and even a real breakup at one point. As young, inexperienced teenagers, you had dated for a total of three weeks before deciding you were better off as friends and going back to normal. Now, you two were as close as ever, which is why the rest of the group didn’t bat an eye when you had chosen to sit on his lap, or when his hands suddenly moved from resting on your knee to gripping your hips.

You had just leaned forward in your seat on his lap to grab your drink when his hands shifted. You felt his breathe on the back of your neck as he softly whispered to only you, not wanting to grab anyone else’s attention.

“You’ve got to stop moving, y/n.”

He said in a low tone. It sounded as though he was almost out of breathe. You turned to look at him confused, not quite understanding why, but ultimately abided by his request and stayed still.

After a few minutes of drinking and conversing with some of the other people in the group, you had completely forgotten about what had transpired just minutes ago. You set your drink down in front of you, and wiggled a little to get more comfortable. Oscar took in a sharp breath, and spoke softly to you once again.

“Can you just stay still, please?”

He sounded a little more desperate this time, and you turned to look at him in the face, concerned.

“Why, is everything okay? You’re getting a little snappy” You said, jokingly.

A light blush dusted over his cheeks, barely visible, but still there. You hadn’t even noticed how his hands were still sat comfortably on your hips, and how his shallow breaths had picked up quite a bit. Still with a concerned look on your face, you reached your wrist up to check the temperature of his forehead.

“You feel a little bit warm. Are you feeling ill?”

At this point, you were wondering if he had somehow gotten sick over the last few hours, or if he was a little buzzed by the amount of drinks he’d had.

You shifted in his lap once more to face your body towards him better when you felt it. The obvious imprint of something rather… hard beneath your lap. Finally understanding what was going on, you looked up at Oscar with a matching blush on your cheeks. Eager to fill the awkward silence, you resorted to your best coping mechanism.

“Um… Oscar. You seem to have a bit of a growing problem. Down there” You joked as you inconspicuously pointed towards his nether region.

The awkward laugh that left you just made Oscar feel even more humiliated than he had already been.

“I’m really sorry, y/n. Trust me, this is just as uncomfortable for me as it is for you.” He said bashfully.

Maybe it was the look in his eyes, or maybe it was the amount of drinks you had already downed, but a surge of confidence came through you.

“Oh, I’m anything but uncomfortable right now.”

Again, you had no idea where this confidence was coming from, but the look on Oscars face when you said that made the feeling grow tenfold, and it seemed to have effected him as well. He did a quick sweep of the group, making sure no one was paying the both of you too much attention. Once he came to the conclusion that everyone was entirely invested in one of Lando’s stories, the grip on your hips tightened. He tested the waters by gently pulling you down onto his growing member, grinding your hips against his.

The soft moan that left your lips would’ve attracted everyone’s attention if not for the loud music playing in the background. You looked back up at Oscar with lust filled eyes, silently begging for him to do it again, and how could he say no to such pretty eyes. He gently ground his hips up against yours one last time, leaving a gently kiss on the back of your neck. Feeling how aroused he was growing, you leaned to whisper in his ear.

“We should go somewhere a little more private.”

With a soft smirk and a hint of mischief in his eyes, he nodding enthusiastically. You stood up from his lap slowly, ignoring the aching feeling coming from between your legs. You were too focused on how Oscar was making you feel to hear whatever lame excuse he told the group before taking you by the hand and leading you into another room.

You barely made it the whole way to the door before Oscar was grabbing you by your hips and pulling your back against his chest, rutting into you as he walked. You turned around against him, looking at him in the eye, feigning seriousness.

“Stop it, Oscar.” You said with a laugh and a gentle swat on the arm “What if someone sees?”

He let out a scoff, “Please, with the way you were just grinding against me in front of everybody, I doubt they’d care much.”

The cocky tone in his voice sent shivers down your spine and left moisture gathering in your pussy. You were already so wet from what he was doing to you while you were in his lap, there was no way you weren’t soaking through your panties right now. You turned away from him playfully, and started to walk up the stairs, only turning back to look at him when he planted a slap on your ass.

When you finally got up the stairs and into one of the many guest rooms of the Monaco penthouse, the nerves were finally catching up with you. Were you really about to have sex with your childhood best friend? The simple answer, yes.

Oscar shut the door quietly, the only sound to be heard was the lock on the door carefully turning. He shifted to look at you slowly, taking cautious steps towards you until your back was pressed up against the wall. The eyes that were previously filled with nothing but lust momentarily turned soft.

“Are you sure you want to do this, y/n. If this is going to make you uncomfortable, we can go back downstairs and pretend this never happened.”

Hearing his words made your heart drop into your stomach. Knowing that he could so easily forget about this entire situation, unbeknownst to your feelings, left a tinge of pain in your lungs. But this was too good of an opportunity to pass up, so you quickly nodded at his question. He let out a tsk sound, and let his hand to softly caress your jaw. He brushed your hair out of your face, leaning down until he was within centimeters of your lips. So close, you could feel his breath mixing with yours as he spoke.

“I need words, pretty girl.”

You closed your eyes slightly as he spoke, the feeling of his lips so close to yours so hard to pass up.

“Please, Oscar. Kiss me.”

He quickly succumbed to your request, pushing his lips against yours. The feeling was nothing you could’ve ever imagined. It was almost as if the universe had created his lips to fit perfectly against your own. He took the opportunity of your surprise to slip his tongue into your mouth. You moaned softly into it, the both of you fighting for dominance of the kiss. In the end, he won.

Without warning, he leaned down slightly to put his hands on the back side of your thighs, lifting you around his waist with ease. Wrapping your legs around him, you slipped your hands into his hair and deepened the kiss.

So caught up in the moment, you barely noticed him walking backwards towards the bed until he let go of his grip on you, letting you gently fall against the comforter. Without a second thought, he reached his arms to the underside of his shirt and brought it over his head, leaving him in just a pair of low rise jeans.

Without his shirt, you had a better opportunity to examine his toned body. You had seen him without a shirt before plenty of times, but something was different now with the sexual tension in the air. You let your eyes wander over his chest, collarbones sticking out so beautifully. His stomach was completed with toned abs, looking incredibly soft from where you were sitting below him. Gazing further down, your eyes resting on the defined v-line near the waistband of his jeans, the elastic of his boxers sticking out.

Too busy staring at his body, you hadn’t noticed the way he suck to his knees, and pushed the hem of your dress up to rest around your waist. You watched his as he looked at the pair of lacy white panties surrounding your swollen cunt. He couldn’t help but notice the wet patch near the bottom of the set.

You snapped back into reality when you felt the soft kisses he was leaving on your inner thighs, the occasional bite leaving you gripping the sheets on the bed.

He made eye contact with you as he moved his fingers to gently massage the wet patch covering your panties, his fingers exactly where you wanted them. He had a cocky grin on his face listening to the sounds that escaped your pretty lips when he applied a bit more pressure near your clit.

“Can I take these off?” His question broke the silence. Again, you found yourself without words and nodded in compliance.

“Words, pretty girl. I need to hear you say it.”

“Please, Oscar. I want you to touch me.” You whined in response.

With your consent, he wasted no time in pulling the panties off of your body, leaving kisses down your legs as he takes his time. Never once did he break eye contact with you, and the thought made the butterflies in your stomach flutter. At this point, all thoughts of the potential consequences from this moment in your friendship were lost in the back of your mind.

He made his way back up to you, smiling softly before planting his lips on yours in a slow, passionate kiss. You felt his fingers tickling their way over your chest, down your abdomen and stopping on top of your clit. He starts gently rubbing along the edge of your entrance, teasing you slightly. The feeling lets a loud whimper escape from you, your body desperate for his attention. He chuckles against the skin of your neck as he slowly drags his fingers down and into your tight hole. With a ‘come hither’ motion, his long fingers quickly find that spongey spot inside of you, caressing it. His kisses trail down from your neck until his face is between your thighs and you can feel his hot breath on your most sensitive parts.

He makes eye contact with you, silently asking for permission to put his mouth on you, desperately wanting to find out what you taste like. You nod with a whine and a quiet ‘please’ before he does exactly what he wants with you. His tongue expertly finds your clit and he begins sucking on it while his fingers work inside you with ease.

“O-Oh, Oscar! Please… please, go faster. I’m so c-close”

Your cries only seem to edge him on as he increased the speed of his fingers, working their way into you faster. He works his tongue around your pussy, trying to memorize the taste of you as you come.

Letting out a loud moan, the knot in your lower stomach finally comes undone. Oscar can feel the way that you clench around his fingers, and pulls them out of your hole before instantly replacing them with his tongue. He laps up all of your juices as they drain out of you, and your body falls limp momentarily from the overstimulation.

With his face still between your legs, you feel the vibration of his moans resonating through your core. Looking down at him, you see the way he is rocking his jean covered hips into the bed beneath him. Once he finally pulls away from your pussy, you take the opportunity to roll him underneath you.

“What are you doing?” He asks in a breathless tone. Not that he is complaining. The sight of you on top of him with your dressed pushed over your waist, and a sheen of sweat covering your flustered skin. It’s a dream come true.

Without answering his question, you slide your body down until your face comes level with his growing erection. You push his hips down flush with the bed, and begin working on undoing the tight jeans he is wearing. Finally undoing the buttons, he lifts his hips so you can pull them down, leaving him in just his boxers. You brush your fingertip over the wet spot in the front from his leaking precum, and palm his member, applying some friction. Hearing his groans, you finally pull the boxers down over his hips, throwing them aimlessly across the room.

His swollen, red cock hits his stomach with a wet smack, and you take a moment to really take in how he looks. He also has a shiny sheen of sweat covering his body, and the flush across his cheeks makes him look entirely delicious. His cock is lengthy and thick, the bright red tip still leaking precum. You lean down to run your tongue across it, making him moan out loudly. Sucking gently, focusing on the tip, you take your finger to run across the bulging vein on the underside of his dick. After a minute of teasing and listening to Oscars breathy moans, you take as much of his member in your mouth as you can. Hallowing out your cheeks, you bob your head up and down as a fast pace, hoping to get him to the edge as fast as possible.

Just as you think he is about to come, his hands come to grab your hair and pull you off his cock with a pop. You look at him confused for a second before he speaks.

“If you kept that up, I was going to come way too fast.” He says with a slight chuckle.

“Maybe that was my point.”

“Baby, if I’m going to come, it’s gonna be deep inside of you.”

His words leave you breathless and clenching your pussy around nothing. Oscar sits up only to grab you, and flip you back underneath him. Grabbing you by the jaw, he turns his face towards you and kisses you with the most passion he could possible portray through a kiss. Without warning, he aligns his cock up with your hole, and pushes in slowly. As much as he wants to go hard and fast, the ache between his legs becoming almost too much for him, he refrains. He pulls out of you slowly, almost all the way before grinding his hips into yours and pushing himself back into you fully.

The slow and intimate pace has you feeling things you shouldn’t, feelings you had so desperately tried to forget resurfacing. For you, this isn’t just sex, it feels more like the connection between you and Oscar you were so miserably wanting.

When you open your eyes, you see Oscar staring down at you with adoration filling his expression. He moves one of his hands from your hip to rest on your cheek, gently pulling you in for a slow kiss.

As your tongues wrestle together, you feel his remaining hand snake around your body to rub gentle circles on your clit. The combination of his cock stretching you out and his fingers rubbing against you has you seeing stars.

“I’m not gonna last long. I need you to be a good girl and come for me.” He says between moans.

Obeying his request, you feel yourself pulsating around him for the second time that night. Your vision goes white and you feel as if you are floating outside of your body. The most intense orgasm washes over your entire body as you let out moans you’re sure the neighbors could hear. Feeling your cunt squeeze around his cock has him coming within seconds. He moans into your mouth as he feels himself close to coming. Pausing his movements inside of you, he looks up at your blitzed out face.

“I’m gonna cum, where do you want it, baby?” He says with a desperate tone, obviously resisting the urge to empty his load inside of you. Your next words surprise him.

“Inside… please. I want you to fill me up, Oscar.”

Momentarily stunned by your words, he snaps out of his daze quickly. With a quiet string of cursed, he feels him balls tighten, and then he’s coming, burying his load deep inside of you.

The both of you lay there for a minute, his softened cock still deep inside you, trying to catch his breath. He takes this time to brush the hair out of your eyes and really look at you. The fucked out look on your face really isn’t helping his growing affections for you. Your eyes are glazed over, mouth parted ever so slightly. It is the most beautiful you have ever looked, and Oscar can’t get enough of it.

With a gently kiss in your lips, Oscar removes himself from you and walks around the bed to the connected bathroom for a warm towel to clean up with. When he returns, he gently wipes you down, making sure you’re not left sticky.

“Oscar?”

You break the comfortable silence with your sudden words, and he stops what he is doing to look at you.

“Yeah? Everything okay?”

You pause for a second.

“This isn’t going to ruin our friendship, right? Because… I really can’t lose you, Osc.”

Hearing the sad tone in your voice, he immediately wants to reassure you and tell you no, you’ll still be friends, no matter what happens. But he doesn’t.

“I don’t want to be friends, y/n”

He couldn’t even manage to look you in the eye as he said this, only after he heard you sitting up in the bed did he manage to meet your gaze. The tears gathering in your eyes almost broke him. You had wrapped yourself in the sheets, as if you were trying to hide your body from him.

“What? W-What do you mean you don’t want to be friends anymore?” Your voice breaking as you speak.

“I just-“ He looks up at you exasperated. “I don’t want to be friends because… I love you, y/n. I love you so much and I can’t go on any longer pretending that I don’t”

He meets your gaze once again, and the tears in your eyes are trailing over your cheeks, falling onto the sheets below you.

“Osc…”

“No. Let me finish” You give him a sad nod. “I have been in love with you since the first time we kissed when we were 16. Every time I see you, I get reminded how perfect you are for me, and then I have to remind myself that you see me as nothing more than a friend. I just- I can’t do it anymore. I’m miserable, and my life jus-“

While Oscar was talking, he hadn’t noticed that you had slowly gravitated towards him. He also hadn’t noticed the smile that grew on your face as he talked about how he felt. He did finally notice something when you cut him off with the most perfect kiss. Just as suddenly as you had kissed him, you pulled away. Laughing at his confused face, you began to speak.

“Sorry. I had to shut you up somehow. Oscar, I love you too. I have no idea how you didn’t notice, I mean, I’ve literally been in love with you since we were 12.”

Now it was his turn to cut her off. As he kissed her once again, he couldn’t help the smile that took shape on his face. He pulled himself away from you for only a moment to admire your face before pulling you into another kiss.

He slotted himself into the bed, next to you, gently covering the both of you in the soft sheets of the bed. Pulling you close in his arms, he left soft kisses along the back of your shoulders until he heard the familiar sounds of your soft snores. Letting himself admire you for a moment, his heavy eyes finally shut, leaving him to fall asleep in a way he’s always wanted, next to you.

a/n ~ I really hope this is good. If it’s not, pls don’t be mean to me :) thank you if you read this ¡hasta la próxima!

#oscar piastri #formula 1 #smut #fluff #angst with a happy ending #childhood friends #friends to lovers #lando norris #charles leclerc #op81 #ln4 #cl16

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wen-kexing-apologist · 9 months

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Fight Night

ALRIGHT! Life is wilder and crazier than normal and I have finally had a singular moment to breathe so it is time to do my first scene breakdown of Only Friends. Jojo and co have been feeding me so well, a literal feast of good sex choreo, hand placements, and puppy dog eyes that it has been impossible for me to figure out where I want to start. But the end of episode five was just so expertly executed I couldn’t not talk about it, the build up, the explosion, the cool down?! Zero people in this production came to play, they showed up on set day one, gave some of their best performances, and just went about their goddamn day. [insert thirty more minutes of showered praise here].

So let’s get in to it:

The Calm Before the Storm

We’re going to start with Sand and Ray before shit goes downhill, at a moment of genuine connection. This is not the first time we have seen them connect. The first of their peaceful, friendlier interactions are paid for by Ray but Sand quickly moves towards free hang outs with Ray after he gets to know Ray a bit better. I think we can all agree that 95% of the time that Sand and Ray are spending with each other, Ray is asking to be serviced (either seeking out sex, or being fed, clothed, or protected by Sand) [and I do think it is pretty telling that Ray’s idea of friendship is being taken care of in every way, and that Sand fully calls that out as being the role of a father]. But the 5% they do have of these moments of getting to know each other, primarily center around their own family dynamics, but in Episode 5, Ray does start dipping his toes in to getting to know more about Sand’s own hopes and dreams.

Where before Ray wasn’t really interested in Sand’s backstory as much as Sand was interested in Ray’s, now on the balcony of Sand’s dingy apartment, Ray finally starts to ask Sand about himself. And Ray is locked in, just absolutely attentive to Sand as he is talking, rarely looking away, asking follow up questions, and making statements based off of what Sand is saying. Things seem to be flowing smoothly, Ray seems slightly sad that Sand doesn’t know his father, he has an actual smile on his face with he tells Sand that he thinks his mother is really cool, and that he respects her. And of course he would respect the relationship that Sand and his mother have, the obvious love they have for one another, because he never got that from his own family.

Sand has asked about Ray’s family before now (they talked about Ray’s mother in Ep. 2) but when they were first starting to get to know eachother, Ray brushed off any further conversation around his mother’s death. But that willingness to be honest with Sand is beginning to shift. Ray sits there listening to a birth story that runs parallel to his own, a mother with an unexpected pregnancy after a hookup, a father that wasn’t really intending on having a child, and Ray is faced with what his life could have possibly looked like if his mother was a different person.

And they’ve been hanging out all day, Ray has seen much more of Sand’s personal life, his family life, it’s Sand’s birthday, they are cross faded, and Sand asks Ray once again what happened to his mother, and Ray takes the opportunity to be honest. He watches Sand refill his glass, and he says “she drank herself to death”.

Now, personally, this is a very important moment to me in terms of both understanding Ray better as a character, and getting Sand and Ray to connect to each other more. A really important thing to remember about substance use disorders is that they are aware of the health consequences of long term substance use. Ray knows his mother drank herself to death, Ray knows that alcohol in the quantities that he is consuming are dangerous, and he cannot stop drinking. Ray does not have any good coping mechanisms for when his life gets hard, (and we will see a much stronger example of that near the end of this scene), but in the build up to the blow out, we are taking some time to re-establish that Ray has a drinking problem. And we are gaining a bit of further insight in to the genetic history of Ray’s own mental health problems.

I’d have to go back and rewatch all the episodes to be completely certain, but I think so far the only person we haven’t see call Ray a burden is Mew, Mew who knows that Ray tried to kill himself two years ago, Mew who remembers that Ray said if he was gone he wouldn’t be a burden anymore on his goodbye phone call. I mention his mostly because, if that is true, then that is an indication to me that Ray’s other friends don’t really know that much about him. They don’t know how deeply the idea that he is a burden to everyone around him is rooted in to his psyche. They probably don’t know anything about Ray’s relationship to his mother, after all, she died when he was still in high school.

We know from the end of Episode 4, that Ray has shifted his interests from Mew to Sand. That is not to say that he is not still in love with Mew, or that he wouldn’t drop Sand as soon as possible if presented the opportunity to date Mew, at least from my perception. But what it does indicate to me, is that Ray is beginning to at least consider Sand someone that care about him, that will listen to him, that will be an emergency contact, and as such Ray is more willing to be upfront and honest about who he is as a person. How his mind works, what his place in his own family is, what his own connection to family is.

Ray senses he is bringing the mood down, and makes a comment to change the subject, shutting down any potential deeper conversation or exposure to pity that he could have with Sand. We know Sand has been down bad for Ray since like…Dick Down 1, but he is really just embarrassingly obvious with his interest in Ray. The way his face goes slack jawed when he looks at Ray’s face for a second too long? Your cool guy persona is in the fucking gutter. ANYWAY, the point of this is that Sand and Ray are vibing, having a good time, connecting, Ray is opening up more, and Sand is falling deeper in to this infatuation at the first sign of Sad Boi Hours when we cut to Nick and Boston.

Boston, who has had a genuinely peaceful day thus far. He got some work done for school, he and Nick clarified their relationship to one another, he made out in the pool, and he’s looking to reward Nick for changing by asking if he can stay over. We know that Boston has been blackmailed by someone, we know that as a result of that Boston has decided to “settle down” a bit as it were, spend more time with people who he can talk with afterwards. (If you ask me, this isn’t really what Boston wants, it’s just how he is trying to justify laying low with Nick, someone he thinks he has control over and someone I don’t think Boston suspects is capable of blackmail).

It is Boston who suggests staying over (I am not going to dig too much further in to his choice to ask Nick, but I will just look respectfully towards the thought that he doesn’t want to be found).

Anyway, Boston asks if he can stay over, and Nick smiles like he’s won something, and leads Boston inside, where they both promptly interrupt Sand and Ray. Boston’s face lights up when he sees Ray there, but not in any way that indicates that Boston is actually excited to see his friend. More so, that he has gotten +1 Information in his notes on Ray’s comings and goings.

Boston sees Sand and Ray, and he is scheming already. The very first fact we learn about Boston in Only Friends is that he is The Hunter, and while we have primarily seen this in the way that he hunts-for-that-d, Boston is a hunter through and through, he doesn’t just aim and fire, he plays with his prey. He toys with Top and Nick’s emotions to try to manipulate them in to what he wants, and he sees Ray and Sand together here, and the douchebag gears begin to turn.

But, Boston needs to know what these two are to each other first, so he can figure out his best approach to fucking with the two of them, so he asks:

“What’s with you and Sand?”

“What? We’re just friends,” Ray says with a smile and a small laugh, like he is trying to brush off any attempt for Boston to think of Sand and him as anything more. Sand is of course, devastated (and it is at this point I would like to make a tangential remark about the brilliance of the cinematography in this entire scene because it frequently moves between blurry and clear, like the camera is having as difficult of a time focusing on any of the characters as the characters themselves are, since they are under the influence).

Nick, having already interrupted the SandRay foreplay once today, tries to pull Boston along quickly, to give everyone in the apartment some motherfucking privacy, but no no, when it comes to every other person in the world besides himself, Boston does not do privacy. So he cockblocks himself and SandRay and suggests they all party instead.

The Build Up

There is this moment of awkward tension, that Nick tries to break by saying that Boston is bothering Sand and Ray, but Sand, having just been reminded that Ray does not think of him as anything more than friends, agrees to all hang out together, thus shifting the mood between himself and Ray from sexual to casual.

And Boston?

Oh Boston has already won.

Now, before I get further in to breaking down this episode, I just need to take a minute and just give a huge MASSIVE shout out to Neo motherfucking Trai. He has absolutely been destroying this role, he is clearly having such a good fucking time. But I don’t care about that part (I do but it’s not the relevant aspect here), I care about how much of Boston’s character, Boston’s internal monologue Neo reveals through Boston’s eyes.

Boston has been watching how Ray and Sand interact with one another, he saw them make out, he saw Ray grab a cookie from Sand’s mouth with his own, and now, he is sitting here, with Nick pressed up against his chest watching Ray flirt with and cling to Sand. That boy has mischief in his eyes, that boy is a hunter and he smells fresh meat. Boston is The Drama, and while he’s in the middle of his own blackmail saga, he’s found new toys to pass the time until the dust settles.

This is the face of a man who will cause problems on purpose. This is the face of a man who does not give two shits about upsetting the people in front of him. Boston is a miserable, manipulative piece of shit, and he will drag everyone down to his level.

I am showering praise in Neo’s general direction, anyway, Boston is studying Ray and Sand’s interactions, the way they talk with one another, all the little things that point towards there being some genuine feelings.

“The cookie’s getting to me”

“I told you to hold back”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m not driving”

“Can I stay over?”

“More often than this I’m going to start making you pay rent”

“Go ahead”

They aren’t talking like this is a one time thing, they aren’t talking like they are just fuck buddies. The way that Ray and Sand are slightly bickering/scolding each other, the way that Ray just so absentmindedly reaches to put his arm around Sand, it reads a very particular way. Especially when you add on the fact that Nick interrupted them in the kitchen that morning.

Now, something happens here that could have been good. If Boston was a good person, if Boston actually cared about his friends, if Boston wasn’t such a fucking Masshole. Because Sand has been very obviously dopey and doe eyed for Ray for ages and the lines between lust and love have been blurring heavily for him. But when they started fucking, Ray and Sand both discussed and established the nature of their relationship. Only friends. No love, only sex. Friendship can come from sex. Sand wouldn’t take someone like Ray as his boyfriend (liar). But things have changed since their first hook up, at least for Sand. Sand is catching feelings and Sand has not talked with Ray about how his feelings are shifting.

And Nick actually opens up the potential for Sand and Ray to have that conversation when he asks “Are you and Ray going out?”

See, Nick is definitely nasty4nasty when it comes to his desire to be with Boston, and Nick is by no means whatsoever a pure person, the man bugged Boston’s car and kept the recording for fuck’s sake, but he is also not an asshole the way that Boston is an asshole. Nick isn’t asking Sand if he and Ray are going out because he wants to fuck with them, he’s asking because he is genuinely curious, because this ain’t the first time that he’s walked in on them.

But don’t pay attention to Mark Pakin’s body language here, because Nick is obviously drunk, relaxed, content, and curious. Look at Neo. Look at Boston. Look at the way Boston is looking at Nick when Nick asks if they are going out:

And look at the way Boston turns his gaze upon Sand and Ray the second Nick finishes asking the question. Boston is picking apart every action, every expression, every movement between Sand and Ray. Boston is calculating. This is not a dude that is just turning to look at the next speaker in a conversation. He’s staring deep into their souls to figure out how they actually feel about each other so he can decide if one or both of them cares enough about each other to be hurt by him.

So naturally, the next shot we get is Ray drunkenly cozying up to Sand, resting his head on Sand’s shoulder, in a way that feels very couple-y, in a way that feels different to the casual arm Boston throws over Nick like he’s got his prize on a leash.

“You two talk all lovey-dovey like you are a thing, you know?”

Consider the fact that the second that Nick starts saying “you two talk all lovey-dovey, you know?” Ray peels himself off Sand’s shoulder and stares at Nick. And he’s smiling casually, like he finds the question funny, though he doesn’t fully break physical contact with Sand, still resting his arm across Sand’s shoulders.

Sand is taken aback for a second, like he’s been caught, but he knows that he is not supposed to be falling for Ray. He knows he isn’t supposed to be wanting a relationship with Ray. He knows that this is not the time or space for a “what are we?” conversation, so he puts on a smile and squeezes Ray’s cheeks and says:

“Look at his face. Look how squishy he looks. He looks just like a dog my mother has.” (Which we can interpret as Sand saying look at him, we cuddle cause he’s cute, I think of him like a pet). Associating Ray with his mother’s dog for me, feels like a way for Sand to try to get Boston off his back, to put his feelings in alignment with how Boston typically views his hook ups, as pets, as toys, as prey. But Sand’s face betrays him more than Boston’s ever could the very second that Ray says “I’m not a dog and I’m not his boyfriend”

Sand has a moment of quiet devastation hearing that, even though he SHOULD KNOW BETTER. He should not be so upset about an objectively true statement. Sand may think of Ray as special, and may want to date Ray, and may want Ray to be his boyfriend, but they have never revisited their initial conversation about the nature of their relationship. As far as Ray knows, Sand would never take someone like him to be his boyfriend. Sand is just getting caught up in his feelings and this brief reprieve from the hard and labrous and exhausting life he leads is clouding his judgment.

And Boston goes in for the kill

“Ray, I bet Sand likes you. I can tell.”

And here is the question of the hour, a question I personally do not believe we have the full answer to, why the fuck is Boston targeting Sand? (beyond the fact he finds it fun). Boston and Sand clearly know each other, Boston knows Sand well enough to know that the weed he is smoking is not his typical supply. Boston came in to Sand’s home, smoked Sand’s weed, and then went straight for Sand’s throat.

And Sand is a little mad and more than a little anxious. The way First plays the emotions in this moment is brilliant, you can see all these little moments of Sand feeling put on the spot, the way his mouth moves like he is trying (and failing) to maintain his composure. Like he is looking for an escape route, but can’t find one. Especially because Boston will not let him escape, explicitly calling Sand in to the conversation:

The Blow Up

“So what is it, Sand? Do you like him? My buddy here has both the looks and the dough. His type is hard to come by, you know?”

Sand tries to dodge, by putting on his logical person hat for the first time in what is most likely weeks. “Now that you said that” he starts with Ray literally moving his hand to brush it gently against Sand’s shoulders. “My answer has to be yes now, doesn’t it? But if you really want to know the answer, ask me again when I am sober”

Sand is willing to let Boston win this, to concede here, to admit to liking Ray as if forced to agree expressly because Boston is poking at him about it. But he will not engage in an important conversation like the one Boston is setting up for him and Ray about what they are to each other when they are under the influence and when they are in public.

Nick is like “alright”, but that is not enough for Boston. (SERIOUSLY LOOK AT NEO, LOOK AT HOW MUCH FUCKING DISATISFACTION IS BEHIND THOSE GODDAMN EYES! Jojo and Ninew fucking thank you for giving me Neo in this role, he’s been craving complex roles since his time on The Eclipse and I’m glad he’s getting to have some).

Boston is watching, waiting, wanting to see how Ray reacts to Boston speaking for Sand. Unfortunately for everyone, but Boston especially, Ray does not have the reaction I think Boston is expecting. Instead of Ray getting uncomfortable, instead of Ray pushing himself away from Sand, instead of Ray doubling down on him and Sand not being boyfriends, instead of Ray reacting negatively to the idea that this “not his type” poor boy might actually like him he leans in close, he smiles wide, he teases Sand a little in a way that does not feel cruel.

So Boston has to escalate. Boston has been stalking his prey in the grass for as long as he has been in this apartment, and now it is time to strike.

“Even if you really do like Ray, I doubt it will work out between the two of you. Ray’s whole ass is owned by Mew”

BOOM. Instant kill. Boston just made this entire encounter go from 0 to 100. Especially because (as far as we know), he has no goddamn idea about the dent in Ray’s relationship to Mew, and his realization about how Ray and Mew’s feelings are never going to align.

Ray did not spend all that time sitting in the bathtub staring at a keychain and a Poor Boy shirt for nothing. Personally, I am uncertain where Ray stands with Sand, I think Ray is probably chasing the endorphins of a good and easy lay. I think he is drawn to Sand’s inherent need to act as a caretaker. But as I’ve said before, Ray uses Sand far more as a service provider than he does a person he wants to make genuine connections with, only recently has he started to open up more and seem more interested in Sand as a person.

But Boston is poking at an extremely sore spot. A spot I don’t think Boston considers as a nuclear option, because I don’t know that Boston is aware that Ray tried to kill himself. I don’t think Boston knows that Mew came and saved his life. I don’t think Boston is truly aware of just how deeply important to Ray Mew is because he seems to be one of the first people to make Ray feel less alone.

Immediate anger. Boston has struck a nerve, gotten a bullseye. If he actually cared at all for his “friends” and their feelings he could have stopped there. Boston is a voyeur, a photographer, all he does all the time is watch, record, manipulate bodies. He can read people well, but he is cocky and overconfident about his own understanding of the situations that have occurred between people in his social circle. If Boston cared, he would see that Ray just turned on a dime, that the loose, casual, fuzzy, flirty person that was just wrapped around Sand has turned in to a tense, focused ball of rage. ““What the hell are you saying, Ton?”

“What? Sand doesn’t know you’ve been in love with your best friend for years? But Mew is with Top now. Someone beat you to it, man.”

So…my Dad has this habit of saying shitty things, and over the years we have made safewords with him to tell him when he is approaching saying something out of pocket and he should change the subject (“pothole”), and for when he has said something out of pocket and should probably stop talking immediately (“sinkhole”). My father consistently blows right through “sinkhole” and continues to dig his hole deeper. Boston reminds me of my father.

Pothole: “Ray’s whole ass is owned by Mew”

Pothole: “Mew is with Top now. Someone beat you to it, man”

I honestly don’t feel like I need to use too much space here on Sand’s reaction, because I read a really good post by @bird-inacage about how this revelation hits Sand hard because he may feel stripped of his dignity and see himself as a fool.

“What a shame for my pal”

Shout out to Jojo and co for this shot of Nick. Nick who looks horrified. Nick, who I don’t think has seen this behavior of Boston’s up close. I mean, he knows that Boston has something on Ray and Mew, he didn’t really seem to care at that point. But Nick doesn’t really know Mew, Nick only cares about Top insofar as he is competition for Boston’s attention, he’s not really friends with Ray. But he is friends with Sand. And the implications from the beginning of the episode that Ray has stayed over and hung out with Sand all day multiple times, feels like Nick is at least starting to develop some modicum of care/friendship with Ray. And Nick is sitting there, watching Boston be cruel. Cruel to people that Nick actually cares about. Cruel to people that Nick doesn’t think deserve it, and the wheels are turning, so there isn’t much more he can do about it.

“Oh wait. My bad. I remember you and Mew making out. Did you take his virginity?” (Sinkhole. Boston should probably shut his goddamn little whore mouth at this point)

“Ton, what the shit are you going on about?” Ray asks, shooting up from the ground and in to a standing position [and lord almighty is Khaotung just a powerhouse actor between the way he is able to physically embody Ray’s anger, and just look and act drunk all the time). This has turned in to a fight, Boston has riled Ray up, Boston has already punished both Ray and Sand at this point. But he has to make everyone around him as miserable as humanly possible in as little time as he can, so:

“Oh? I saw everything. I took some photos, actually.” (SINKHOLE. No seriously dude you need to shut the fuck up right now).

“What the hell did you do that for, bastard?” Ray is shifting his weight, Khaotung’s breathing has changed. You can fucking tell Ray’s heart is racing, that a blind rage is seeping in to his bones. Ray is livid.

“What? I just want to keep track of my best friends’ romantic moments. Was I wrong?”

(Spoiler alert to those reading this post for the body language breakdown: Boston does not actually give a single flying fuck if he is wrong)

“Keep track?”

And finally someone punches Boston straight in the mouth! And even still! EVEN STILL Boston cannot shut the fuck up. Boston is righteous in the worst possible way. Boston is hurting everyone around him for the sake of “honesty”, “clarity”, “visibility” in a way that Boston himself in his own life actively avoids. With Nick he keeps their relationship status unclear, with Nick he refuses to get photographed, with Nick he hides the fact that he hooked up with Top. But Boston will air everyone else’s dirty laundry, Boston will record and photograph everyone else’s private moments, Boston will give facts as best as he knows them when literally anyone else is involved:

“Sand has every right to know. Ray is in love with Mew. They even screwed! But good thing you came along, Sand. He needs to get over Mew”

“What does it have to do with you?” Ray is still fucking pissed, and this is a really important and relevant question to ask. Boston has no place in Ray and Mew’s private business. Boston has no right to record them without their permission. Boston has no right to have this conversation about Ray’s feelings with Sand. And Boston does not answer this question. He will not answer this question, because for Boston everyone else’s business is his, and his business is no one’s.

Now, do I think Boston is lying about Ray and Mew having sex? No. I think there are actually a number of layers to that statement. I think we are either a) setting up to have a killer conversation about people’s perceptions of sex/people’s perceptions of what counts as sex or b) that Boston fully thinks he saw Ray and Mew do something sexual when they actually didn’t [think Ray throwing up while doubling over Mew so it looks like he’s giving head]. And it is worth noting that Ray doesn’t deny the statement, although this doesn’t necessarily mean anything because there are lots of words and fists and vitriol being thrown around at this point, confirming or denying any sexual relationship with Mew is not really going to do anything to calm this situation.

“If you’re not in love with him anymore, then why did you get so mad?” Boston asks, and I love that this is phrased as a gotcha! moment. Boston thinks asking why someone got mad enough to punch him in the face after he said he was keeping track of his friends' romantic lives by holding on to pictures he had taken of them in secret is definitive proof that he is correct. Ray got real mad about Boston’s doucheness, and that must mean that Ray is love with Mew.

And he isn’t totally wrong. We know that Ray is in love with Mew, we know part of why Ray is in love with Mew. We know that Sand is now filling a similar role in Ray’s life as the only person who is willing to take care of him. But this question for me highlights a huge aspect of Boston’s character that I do not think we appreciate enough.

Boston does not know everything, and he acts like he does.

Ray is getting so mad at Boston because what Boston is saying is true AND Ray is getting so mad at Boston because Ray almost compromised his relationship with Mew by kissing him when he was sleeping. Ray is in a weird place right now in relation to how he sees Mew and how Mew sees him. At the moment, Mew is patient, kind, and forgiving, and willing to maintain their friendship and accept Ray’s apology as long as Ray can get it through his head that Mew is never going to see him as a potential romantic partner. If Ray cannot do that, Ray loses a very important person in his life. (And we see Mew punch Ray in the promo for next week, my hunch is that Nick tells Ray about Boston and Top and Ray tries to warn Mew about Top and Mew takes that as Ray lying to break them up, but that’s beside the point).

Boston may be correct that Ray is in love with Mew, but Boston has no idea what the fuck he is talking about when it comes to Ray’s current relationship to Mew. Boston does not know that Mew and Ray are in a rocky relationship right now because of Ray’s feelings. Boston thinks that he is right that Ray is in love with Mew because Ray gets so mad so quick, because he does not understand that a huge part of what is riling Ray up is that Boston is poking at a deep injury he thinks is just a flesh wound.

And still after Boston has gotten a fist to his face, and swung back; even after he has shoved Nick out of the way so hard Nick fell on to the couch; even after they had blown off some steam and were de-escalating to the point of screaming at each other rather than beating eachother up. Boston

Still

Can

NOT

Quit

“Oh, are you going to be two-timing?”

Boston is literally just…going in to a house that is not his and lobbing grenades all over the place cause he’s fucking bored. Cause he sets Ray off again, leaving Sand, screaming at Boston and Ray to stop fighting (IN HIS OWN FUCKING HOUSE, AFTER SHARING HIS OWN FUCKING WEED).

Boston listens to Sand, Boston walks away, Boston goes to Nick’s room. But the look in his eye?

He is not done with this. Boston is not surprised that Ray got mad, Boston was reveling in Ray’s reaction, but I think Ray’s rage went beyond what Boston had anticipated, and this feels to me like an act of war.

The Cool Down

Boston and Nick remove themselves from the scene and Ray and all his infinitely perfected coping skills rushes to chug as much alcohol as he can.

Again, thank you to Jojo and co for spending this amount of time highlighting Ray’s addiction, reminding us that Ray is not just a party boy, but is an alcoholic. Ray’s using alcohol to calm his nerves, possibly to forget what happened, and definitely because he has no idea what else to do but run to the most comforting item he can.

We cut to the silence of Sand’s bedroom. Sand and Ray laying awkwardly side by side. Ray, to his credit, does try to comfort Sand

“Hey, don’t listen to what Boston said. If there’s something you want to know, ask me”

The problem is, while Boston does not have the full context for the depth at which he has just hurt Ray, he is still right. Ray loves Mew, and if Ray didn’t, he would not have gotten mad the way he did. Ray can say whatever he wants here, Ray can ask to be trusted by Sand to tell him what he wants to know. But Sand has seen enough of Ray’s behavior, been jerked around enough by Boston, heard too many times in too short a period that Ray does not consider them anything more than friends, and so Sand is back to boundaries and barriers.

Sand lost sight of himself, and he fell too quickly for a deeply broken boy that he cannot fix, and who is not emotionally available enough to be a good fit for him right now.

And God, for as much as Sand exists to be jerked around by the narrative and shit on and used by the wealthier characters, I see why First was picked to play this role (besides the fact that there is no one else but Khao that I think could have done Ray, and it’s hard to kick the GMMTV pair-ups.) We have not even gotten to the height of First Crying Over Problems That Are Partially His Character’s Fault in this show yet, but First is a master at microexpressions, and despite the fact that his face is pretty neutral, that Sand has put on this mask, there is just such a palpable disappointment radiating off of Sand. The shine in his eyes is dulled, I saw someone on tumblr say this really looks like the first time that Sand has seen Ray, looked at him without the rose-colored glasses.

Sand’s mother loves him, I think he is special to her, but it is hard to feel special to someone you have to take care of. In the montage at the beginning of the episode, Sand is shown working, working, working, working and we don’t really see him interacting with other people who he isn’t providing a service to. He sings at the bar, he seems to enjoy that, he seems to have a good time with Yo and Atom, but he is only that close to them because they pay him to play there. He is providing them a service. The only classmates he is shown interacting with are clients he is selling plum wine to. It’s really possible that Sand’s only friend is Nick, and we don’t see them hanging out that much.

And, I know there is always some contention about how any and all of these characters feel, how much or how little they are telling the truth, etc. But for me personally, I think about when Ray said that he does care about Sand’s feelings, and I at the time he said it, I don’t think he did, but I think by Episode 5 he is starting to genuinely care.

Ray is getting better at reading Sand, Ray is trying to have a serious conversation, or at least to open the floor to one, and Sand is sad and so he isn’t saying anything, and Ray is able to tell that something is wrong. Ray wants Sand to talk to him, Ray says Sand’s name multiple times, trying to get him to answer verbally.

And Sand can’t do it, not if he is looking at Ray, not if he has to actually face the reality of how much of a fool he has been, to fall this deep, to fall this fast, to get it in his head that he and Ray were becoming something more than friends. To actually believe for even a second that someone could think he was special.

So he closes his eyes, and he takes a deep breath, and he says:

“Forget it. I’m tired. One more thing…This has nothing to do with me.”

Who is he talking to here, Ray or himself?

Sand’s inhale in this moment is deep, it’s weary, unsteady, and sad. Sand is gathering the strength to let go of what he thought he had. He is rebuilding his walls, and placing Ray on the other side of them. He cuts Ray out completely the second he turns his back. And you can just see the guilt all over Ray’s face, you can see all these little bursts of realization moment after moment where Ray realizes that he’s losing Sand now too. Even though Sand is likely more of a consolation prize to him, an easy victim of his puppy dog eyes.

Alone o’clock is not just for Sand, it’s for Ray too. Boston has won yet again because Boston is a miserable sack of shit lashing out because Mew and Top finally fucked and he has to make it everyone’s problem

Tagging the ephemerality squad: @lurkingshan, @waitmyturtles, @chickenstrangers, @ranchthoughts, @twig-tea, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @distant-screaming

and my blessed mess crew: @so-much-yet-to-learn, @ginnymoonbeam, @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @neuroticbookworm, @emotionallychargedtowel because I want attention :)

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #sandray #bostonnick #firstkhao #neomark #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #neo trai #mark pakin #jojo tichakorn #ninew pinya #wka long post #only friends analysis #only friends meta #ofts meta

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yakitori-queen · 7 months

Text

working boys spoilers ahead ⚠

Alright Hatchetfield enjoyers here we go again.

So i'm sure we can all agree Working Boys was very good. Among other things, it was very funny. AMONG OTHER THINGS.

I feel that, given we are the Implications fandom we are not talking nearly enough about The Implications. So I'm gonna go on a long ramble about Hidgens' character, and all the implications about him given what we saw in the new short.

Working Boys had all the workings of a good piece of Hatchetfield media. Good horror, good comedy. But also and what i want to focus on here - it's incredibly telling.

Henry Hidgens as a character has been recurring for a while. In every story where he appears as a major character (TGWDLM, The Hatchetfield Ape Man, and now Working Boys), there's a trend - he starts off as someone eccentric at best, and ends up going completely off the rails.

Until now, we were all left to speculate about what his deal was. Now however, if you consider what we know with Working Boys, the implications suddenly get a lot more tragic.

Throughout the short, Hidgens appears as overly-perfectionistic and endlessly unsatisfied to the point of being well, kind of an asshole. That whole bit does its job well of being great comedy, but i feel the need to point out how, after watching the end of the short (Hidgens' explanations of the original working boys' death and his subsequent breakdown), it's worth going back to that to observe it in a new light.

I'm sure we all sort of expected that his backstory would be something fucked up like that, but i feel it's important to look at the details. Let's analyze the way Hidgens acts about the death of the Working Boys.

Obviously it was something deeply traumatic. He recounts it gravely as "the worst day of my [his] life", for good reason. Then, it's also obvious that this entire Working Boys musical he created is a tribute to honor his dead friends (possibly lovers)'s memory - just before their ghosts appear to him, he laments about butchering their memory ("Oh boys, I'm so sorry.") It appears that the entire in-universe Working Boys musical is an elaborate coping mechanism Hidgens has created in order to handle the horrific deaths of his loved ones.

Knowing this, it suddenly makes a lot more sense why he seems so frustrated and never satisfied with how his vision for the musical is enacted so long as it doesnt adhere strictly to his original script. Working Girls was never going to work - it was doomed from the start, because Hidgens could never handle even the slightest change to his script, because it is of deep emotional importance to him as a work that directly relates to the most traumatic event of his life.

When the Working Boys' apparitions appear to him, he seems to just take it in stride, as though it's a completely normal thing. Notice that he also did this in TGWDLM. Then he completely snaps.

Working Boys as a short makes Hidgens' character incredibly more tragic once you realize that it makes it clear that most of Hidgens' sanity was lost in that incident when all of the Working Boys died. And ever since then, he's always one minor inconvenience away from a complete breakdown.

#starkid #hatchetfield #workin boys #working boys #workin boys spoilers #working boys spoilers #workin' boys #workin' boys spoilers #hatchetfield halloween livestream #hatchetverse #team starkid #henry hidgens

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nordidia · 7 months

Note

Do you think CJ and Raph ever talk about their experiences with PTSD/anxiety together or even share advice on coping? Or do you think Raph would rather not? Explain your reasoning in your essay below

(i typed an entire novel and then accidentally closed chrome and it deleted everything let me try doing this again i barely remember what i said ok so. also this is just me blabbering idk guys im not a rise writer im just some opinionated guy online and you can completely disagree with me and i dont say what goes or not ok? ok!)

i dont think raph would go to him with his issues but i think it'd defo get talked about through asking CJ about things and checking up on him etc. and i think CJ would give raph alot of insight and advice on how to deal with anxieties and traumas,, tho alot of their convos would just be one of them saying something vile and the other one going "oh. is that not normal?" and the first one looking at the latter like this

but all in all i think they'd definitely help eachother with dealing with stuff... i think especially raph will assist CJ in just taking the blow on how much there is to unpack... his entire life has been a big traumatic event, i imagine suddenly living a sustained life without having to fight for survival every day would be a lot for him to deal with, especially the confusion and grief over what he has lost (maybe what he has lost feels a bit like pointless grief to him now? which is a trauma in itself) and also grieving what he never had. as we know, grief is also things we shouldve had but never got, and i think all the hamatos would be really helpful in dealing with that.

tho CJ seems to be a bit of a hardass on stuff like this which is incredibly understandable when you've had to fight for everything with zero stability at all anywhere you went. i could see him confiding in raph about it, but not only him if im honest. but there is an undeniable security about raph i think that the characters i the show feel, and i think CJ would seek the stability and consistent reliability that raph provides.

i also like that CJ doesnt seem too scared about calling out people when they do wrong, i can defo see CJ bluntly telling raph that bad coping mechanisms is stupid and makes things worse and worries everyone around. (this is ofc hand in hand with the good ol' HC that raph bottles shit up/avoids talking abt things. personally i think he never shuts up and frequently rants about stuff and lets his family know whenever shit is up but he avoids going too deep so his family thinks he's being fully transparent when actually he's just not voicing the worst shit. this is so real to me no i do not need therapy shut u)

i definitely think raph would confide in CJ about the krang thing. CJ is the one who knows the most about it, i can see raph going to him to just get a bit more information about what was going on, and also a bit of relief hearing that it didnt go as bad as it couldve gone... CJ being experienced with krangification would absolutely soothe worries and make him feel less alone about knowing what he knows and having gone through something thats a step further than his brothers

IS THIS A GOOD ENOUGH ESSAY i have academic anxiety dont grade me please its 4am i have taken melatonin pills im on my last leg help m *ficking dies*

edit: GOODNIGHT LOL

#asks!#ohhhh raph and casey duos my beloved #rise raph #rottmnt casey jr

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ahoyimlosingmymind · 17 days

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Can I get some Fitz hcs (Just like general thoughts you have about him? :))

These are literally all angst. Not an ounce of hurt/comfort

Fitz Vacker has academic anxiety like you've never seen. He may be smart, but a lot of his academic rigor is not there naturally. His good grades don't just fall into his lap like everyone seems to assume. This boy runs on red-eyes and brain fog 90% of the time and is just masterful at faking it till you make it

He actually has a hard time forming real friendships with people because he's used to being used to garner status. He's better socialized around adults because of the isolation and seclusion he felt from the 'celebrity worship' he experienced, or the extreme jealousy issues his peers projected onto him

he has a hard time connecting with the people in his immediate friend group to this day bc his status still hangs over all of their heads. There's always an undercurrent of resentment he can't even blame his friends for having against him

He dreaded the end of the school year award ceremonies because he always came out as top of his class but it was never seen as something he earned. It would get hard to breathe when awards were announced. People whispered. swore the whole thing was rigged.

He was often giving ability presentations to adults to be evaluated and deemed gifted and the stress of being perfect was crippling when he was little.

He always felt like he was living in a glass bubble, looking in on people but unable to really form bonds. Lots of derealization growing up, when there were lots of eyes on him. He got really good at running on autopilot and pretending to be present for people.

his time in the human world was oddly traumatic but he wouldn't tell a soul about it. He was used to feeling like a piece of meat in the lost cities, but in the real world, with his looks- he received a lot of unwanted attention from people and it caused a lot of self-perception issues and shame

he was exposed to more violence than he'll ever admit to in the human world. and he thinks that's part of the reason he has such a high threshold for it compared to other elves.

Fitz looked up to Alvar a lot but knew that his older brother didn't have the same affection for him.

He often felt like the world pitted him and his siblings against each other, and like Biana and Alvar had a closer bond than he did to either of them. Which led him to become really close with his dad, which only made the divide between the kids worse.

His friendship with Keefe was a lot deeper than anyone ever seemed to pick up on. He saw a lot of himself in Keefe but was too ashamed to admit it, for fear of sounding like he was searching for pity.

When he bakes it's usually to keep a panic attack at bay. It used to be a fun hobby that was light-hearted, but now it's the only thing he feels like he has an ounce of control over, and it's just become a coping mechanism.

He has a lot of silent panic attacks. Random bouts of tightness in his chest and shortness of breath that he can usually pass off as sighs

He's really close with Grizel who is often the one who senses these panic attacks because they're often too low-key for someone with normal senses to tell. She'll get him out of rooms, place a hand on his shoulder etc...

it happened a lot during the time Alvar was living on the Everglen property again. He didn't feel safe in his own bedroom half the time, even if Grizel sat at the foot of his bed while he slept.

He literally cannot sleep without Mr. Snuggles.

Bro is an insomniac who will pace around his house for hours at night until his brain physically knocks him out

Fluff Bonus!

Biana and him have grown closer since Alvar's betrayal, and she'll often keep him company while he bakes if she can tell it's getting into 'manic avoidance of dealing with feelings' territory.

She taught him to braid hair when they were little and he does it when he's nervous and needs to do something with his hands.

and if you like lavacake- he does it to Marella's hair all the time mindlessly <3

He collected lots of silly things from the human world and actually really loves human music. He's not supposed to have it though.

#TW mention of panic attacks #kotlc #Fitz vacker #Alvar vacker #Biana vacker #my beloveds #sorry this is all angst #I can't be normal about him #he's just a lonely little boy.

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bliss-in-the-void · 9 months

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Satoru’s unhealthy coping mechanism after the Toji Attack of 2006™️ is actually really relatable and can apply to real world situations if you think about it.

He’s obsessed with preserving youth because his was taken from him as a teenager. Before Toji, before the Star Plasma Vessel, he went through life believing he and Suguru were the strongest, and that things would always remain that way.

I don’t know about you, but when I was young like this, I felt the same way. The friends I had, the person I was dating, I imagined we’d all stay friends forever. We’d be there for important birthdays, for graduations, for weddings, for when we all started having kids.

But life happens. People leave and grow apart. Innocence is lost and you’re forced to grow up.

Satoru was attacked by Toji and died. And while he didn’t stay dead, his innocence did. The naive Satoru no longer existed.

And how did he choose to deal with the fall out? With the aftermath? By deciding to become something not completely human. By forcing barriers around himself to be untouchable so it didn’t happen again.

And isn’t that just like real life? Now it’s harder to make friends, because the ones who aren’t there anymore left scars and you can’t get close to anyone like you used to. In order to deal with how bad the world really is, you have to become inhuman. To shut off all the noise and go through life stepping over heaping piles of shit. Smiling through it, pretending to be okay. Some days it feels like you have to summon inhuman amounts of strength to get through the day.

What’s really the kicker is that this is addressed in JJK when Satoru asks Kento how things were being a salaryman instead of a sorcerer. Kento said it’s not much different. Then, Satoru says, effectively, we really are doomed.

Because as long as non-sorcerers live in their society which is just as shitty as the Jujutsu society, there will be more curses. And their jobs will never be done.

Nanami tried to get away from it and he still couldn’t. He just wanted to be stress free and even a normal life is awful.

And it’s like. Cherish youth. My god. I haven’t truly been young since I was eleven, I just grew up and became too aware too fast. I miss naivety.

I fucking understand Satoru.

#like looking at kids be kids and saying one day they’ll be aware #the inevitability is sad #this is so depressing im so sorry #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen meta #nanami kento #satoru gojo

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jacksdinonuggets · 3 months

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~Fight Nights~

Y'ALL I HAD AN IDEA AND I WROTE IT.

Summary: Vaggie has a fight with Charlie and needs comfort. However, the only other person she can run to is Carmilla

Vaggie stormed out of the hotel, angry, and on the brink of tears. She and Charlie had just gotten into a fight. They didn’t fight often so it really affected them when they did. The reason that they fought? Vaggie was suppressing her negative emotions again, therefore keeping a secret. This made Charlie pretty upset since she wanted them to have a mutual relationship and not just one protector. However, Vaggie viewed herself as someone who couldn’t show weakness so she got pretty worked up when Charlie confronted her about it. She didn’t mean to turn it into an argument. It just sort of happened.

Anyways, she just really needed comfort from someone and the only other person she could really go to was carmilla. She had been taking fighting lessons once a week with her and sometimes, she would even teach a little bit of ballet so she could learn to dance-fight. At first, they would just go back and forth with returning weapons and paying some loans and business stuff but then they started to get a bit personal. Sometimes, if Vaggie was having a bad day, Carmilla would invite her into her office and they would talk about whatever was bothering her before they practiced.

So, still slightly pissed and more emotional than ever, she walked to her warehouse that was also just her normal house. She knocked on the big metal doors, hanging her head low. Now was not the time to cry.

The doors opened after a couple of seconds and Carmilla greeted her at the door.

“Vaggie, what brings you here? It is not our normal practice day,” She questioned as she urged the girl inside.

“I just-... I needed someplace safe to cool down. Me and Charlie had a fight,” Vaggie explained. Talking had never seemed as hard as it did at that moment. It felt like with every word she was about to break down into tears. Usually, if she was feeling like this, she would go to Charlie and the two would cuddle, spend time together, or have little time. But she couldn’t because she felt wrong for having to want comfort from the person she just fought with. It would be awkward and strange.

Carmilla sighed, “How about you meet me in my office and i’ll bring up a cup of tea. Then you can tell me all about it, ‘kay?” Vaggie nodded and started walking up the stairs. She passed the big doors that lead into the main house area and went towards the office.

As Vaggie was waiting, she could feel her headspace teetering. It was a weird feeling to want to be taken care of and comforted by basically a stranger. But somehow she grew sort of attached to her.

When Carmilla returned, she had two cups of tea in her hand. She gave one to Vaggie, who was sitting on the couch. She nodded a thank you and took a sip. Carmilla sat next to her and put her’s on the coffee table.

“Alright, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” she prompted. Vaggie took a deep breath and began.

“Charlie had begun to notice that i was hiding my vulnerable emotions and lying whenever she would ask if i was okay. I get overwhelmed easily but I would say i was fine whenever someone would ask, just to not be seen as weak. Well, she noticed and confronted me about it. We got into this huge fight and she brought up how i haven’t regressed-” Shit, she can’t tell her that. That’s too personal. Plus, what if she thinks its weird? “Uh- I mean used this one coping mechanism in a month or two and that i was repressing it,” wow, great save there.

“Anyways, she hit a few nerves that I know she probably regrets. I said a few things I’m not proud of, but it still hurts. Its like, I really want a hug but I can’t get it because she’s the only one I have who can comfort and love me!” Vaggie spiraled. At this point, she didn’t even care that she was talking to a dangerous overlord. She just needed to rant. And rant she did.

“Would it make you feel better if I gave you a hug?” Carmilla offered. She saw how Vaggie looked as though she desperately needed one. It was like looking at a small panicking child. You just needed to help them. In a way, Vaggie reminded her of her daughters. And Carmilla reminded Vaggie of a mother in a way. Not like she’s ever known hers, being a heavenborn orphan whose only family consisted of exorcists who bullied her.

Vaggie nodded. Carmilla wrapped her arms around the small, short girl and gave a reassuring squeeze. Vaggie had never wanted to cry more than did right now. It was overwhelming. But not exactly in a bad way. She felt this strange, clingy emotion towards her.

Carmilla was about to pull away but she felt something stopping her. Vaggie’s arms were gripping her waist like her life depended on it and she could feel something wet on her collarbone where Vaggie had her head. She hadn’t even noticed the girl start crying. But nonetheless, she rubbed her back and comforted her, just like she would with her daughters.

“Shh, it's okay, I’ve got you,” she whispered in a soothing motherly tone, the one she never uses with strangers or in combat.

Vaggie’s headspace dipped so far when those words were spoken. She felt so small, like a toddler in Carmilla’s big embrace.

“Mama..” Vaggie mumbled into her chest. It was very muffled and quiet though.

Carmilla noticed the words spoken from vaggie and knew that the girl’s headspace had dropped. She wasn’t stupid. She knew what regression was.

“Mama’s here, sweetie,” she gently told her.

The two hugged for what seemed to be 5 minutes until Vaggie calmed down. She didn’t want to let go though. It felt so good to feel loved.

“It seems like it’s past your bedtime, little one,” she said when they pulled apart. Vaggie pouted but was noticeably tired. It was about 9:30 and her little brain could only stay up so late.

“Come on, I’ve got a spare room you can use.” she stood up and signalled for her to follow her. However, she Vaggie was having some trouble standing. She kept falling over. Having one eye and being small didn’t mix well for balance.

Carmila bent over and picked her up. She held her by her hip as she carried her out of the office, their tea forgotten. She walked towards the big doors that led to the main house area. When she opened the doors, Clara and Odette were sitting in the living room on the couch. They looked up to see their mother carrying the princesses girlfriend? It confused them but Carmilla mouthed ‘I’ll explain later’.

When they approached the guest room, Carmilla was able to hold Vaggie with one hand for about a second to open the door. They didn’t have any spare pajamas so Vaggie would have to sleep in her current clothes. They didn’t seem too uncoomfortable though.

Carmila laid her down in the bed and pulled the covers over her, tucking her in.

“Wha’ bout Char-Char?” Vaggie rubbed her eyes. The big kid in her knew that Charlie would be expecting her to be home in about an hour and would definitely begin freaking out if she wasn’t home by then.

“I’ll let her know you’re staying the night,” Carmilla said in a hushed voice, “For now, its ni-ni,”

Once she was done tucking her in she turned off the lights and left, but not before cracking the door just in case Vaggie needed anything during the night. Then, she went back downstairs to explain the situation to her daughters. They seemed pretty okay with it and promised not to spread it, as Carmilla knew it was something she’d probably like to keep a secret. In the end, Carmila never expected to be the mother of three, yet here she was.

#agere fanfic #agere writing #safe agere #sfw agere #age regression #hazbin hotel agere #sfw littlespace #hazbin hotel vaggie #hazbin hotel carmilla #carmilla carmine #Carmilla Carmine is Vaggie's caregiver #hazbin hotel age regression #hazbin hotel littlespace

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slasherhaven · 2 years

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What do you think the slashers would get up to in a more normal world where they just got therapy and DIDN'T kill anyone? Like I think Brahms would've become a composer tbh, I headcanon he writes his own music? And Tommy'd probably still just work in the slaughterhouse or, if the slaughterhouse still closed down, as a farmhand??

What if the Slashers never became Slashers?

Thomas Hewitt

If the slaughterhouse never shut down, Thomas would definitely still be working there. It's the only real job available for people in that town, for many it will be their first and last job.

However, if the slaughterhouse still closed down and Charlie didn't instantly jump to cannibalism, Thomas would be eager to get back to work.

I see him working physical labour. Thomas knows that his strengths are, well...he's strength.

I could see him working as a farmhand or in construction of some sort.

Plus, it would really work on his confidence. Having a job where his natural size and strength were something to be proud of, that helps him and makes him effective.

Hopefully he'll get some nicer co-workers...I just want him to be happy.

Michael Myers

Michael is in therapy his whole childhood. His family spot the early signs that cause concern and get him help.

He's still pretty quiet, not super social, but not mute or irresponsive.

I remember reading a post ages ago about Michael receiving effective therapy and receiving consistent support from his family and I wanted to link it here but I couldn't find it again, I feel like that said everything I want to say 😂

Anyway, maybe he still spends some time in Smith's Grove but gets released back into he parent's care.

He develops a really good relationship with Laurie. She grows up visiting him and becomes an encouraging factor in his therapy.

In this universe, I suppose Michael would be a 'functioning psychopath' if that's what you want to call it. He'd still have a personality disorder but he has developed coping mechanisms to help him in life.

It's difficult to say what he might go on to do career wise but I think for Michael it's more important and interesting to think about his interpersonal relationships.

Jason Voorhees

Camp counsellor Jason!

Now, I can see this going two ways.

Firstly, lets say Jason loved camp. He made at least one friend, got to a bunch of fun activities, summer camp was the best time of year for him even if it wasn't perfect.

In this case, Jason would go back to work there so he could give other shy and bullied kids the same experience.

Alternatively, everything went the same expect Jason didn't drown. He was still thrown into the lake, the kids still laughed, the counsellors still weren't around, but he somehow survived.

He would have still hated camp but that would be what motivates him to go and work there.

He wanted it to be better for other kids, to make sure that if another poor child got tossed into the lake, there would be a counsellor around to protect/save them. He would be there for them.

Brahms Heelshire

As much as I love the idea of Brahms becoming a composer, I have to admit that I have less faith in him.

Assuming that his parents still spoiled him beyond belief and let him get away with shit, just no fires or death or anything, Brahms would be a little shit his whole life.

He'd become a rich fuckboi.

He'll have gone to some private school.

He'd have every opportunity to become a composer, so it's absolutely possible, I just imagine he would go through a 'rebellious' phase.

He's smart and I'd imagine he'd get pretty good grades, it will just take him some time to calm down and actually get his mind set on a career.

He's going to be living off of his family's money for a while.

But maybe he ends up being a composer and becomes his best self...

Bo Sinclair

I can see a few options for Bo.

I think he would still be a bit of a wild card in his teenage and young adult years but in the end I think his brothers are still important to him and he would want to stay close.

He might help Vincent run Ambrose a little.

If he does have a genuine passion or talent when it comes to cars, he might become a legit mechanic. I imagine he likes the process of fixing up cars, it gives him something to focus on.

I could also see him owning his own bar, somewhere near Ambrose, he and Vincent sending business each other's way.

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent stays at the wax museum.

He continues his mother's legacy and brings a whole new life to the infamous House of Wax. He modernises the museum while still paying tribute to his mother.

And he does a good job, managing to bring a whole new life to Ambrose again. The tourist just keep coming to visit the House of Wax.

Maybe he even sticks to the Town of Wax idea and fills the abandoned town with wax figures but in a less murdery way.

That would serve to bring more tourists in.

I like the idea that he also sells some of his artwork, kind of like a side hustle.

His main focus is the House of Wax but he occasionally sells his other creations.

Lester Sinclair

Sure, Lester might just stick with his roadkill clean up gig but I think he is likely to remain close to his brothers either way.

I kind of like the idea of Bo being a mechanic and Lester working with him, likely his only employee but Bo can be a bit of a control freak.

Lester is a simple guy and finds joy in the smalls things.

Whatever job he has, he's likely happy with it.

He lives for time at home with Jonesy or dinners with his brothers.

And he's always more than happy to help Vincent out around Ambrose.

Bubba Sawyer

He would love to just work on his family's farm. Family is important to Bubba and I think he would love farm work.

He wouldn't mind working out in the sun, planting and tending to crops.

He doesn't mind the heavy lifting and manual labour.

However, he would love working with the animals.

He would work so well with them and they would love him.

Just imagine Bubba cuddling a little baby cow!!!

Billy Lenz

Hmmm Billy's is kinda difficult.

We don't get to know much about him but I headcanon that he's a big fan of movies and tv.

Maybe he had a part time job in a movie theatre as a teenager, just feeding his love for media.

Anyway, he goes through a shit ton of therapy. And it's effective in this case.

Maybe after leaving the institution he received his care in, he'd go back to school.

Hopefully he will find a passion for something there, starting to develop a more clear plan for his future.

Asa Emory (The Collector)

I mean, I think I've made my stance on this pretty clear.

Professor Emory.

He teaches entomology, of course.

The students either love him or hate him. He's very strict but if you perform well in his class, he'll take that into consideration.

In his time off, he's a pretty secluded person, preferring his own company.

He sticks with his usual hobbies, just with bugs instead of people.

His home is covered in preserved specimens, it's a genuine hobby that hasn't been twisted horrifically.

Jesse Cromeans (Chromeskull)

Jesse likes power and he likes money.

So, with the less psychopathic, sadistic, murderous desires, he's going to be a CEO of some successful business.

It's difficult to picture Jesse in anything but that black suit of his.

However, in that one flashback we get in the second film, it seems that his father was a mortician.

So if certain fetishes hadn't formed, maybe he would take over his father's business, owning his own mortuary.

Otis Driftwood

I think in a world were Otis wasn't already obsessed with death and torture, meeting the Fireflies would have been great for him.

They're an eccentric bunch but they'd love him unconditionally.

Otis doesn't want to do anything big with his life, especially not with his career. He still wants to focus mostly on having fun, so he gets small job to make some money.

Probably working with Spaulding at the gas station or in some dive bar.

That being said, I don't see a world where Otis is a model citizen.

He might not be a murder in this universe but he has a history of violence, stupid bar fights and the like. He's also a bit of a petty thief.

If some drunk leaves his wallet on the bar...he can't not take it.

Baby Firefly

The last thing Baby wants to do it work. She just wants to focus as much time as she can on having fun.

Plus, she can't stay focused on one thing long enough to hold down a job with a real boss.

She knows how to get things for free, how to get other people to pay for things, how to get her family to give her what she needs.

It's in her name! She's the baby of the family, they'd do anything for her.

Her and Otis have mastered the art of petty theft.

The two of them can be quite the con artists when they put their mind to it.

However, I can see her doing the hair, makeup, and nails of local women in the area for some pocket money.

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serial-serializednovelreader · 16 days

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Nova’s Notes - DD - May 8th

That’s right, I’m deciding to give my thoughts a cheesy name because why not (also it’s late oops).

So this may be one of my favorite entires of the entire book. My first go-around it was for the mirror-yeet scene (because that’s iconic) and Dracula being The Housekeeper of all timeTM, but now it’s also one of my favorites because of how much we learn about Jonathan.

They say you learn the most about a person when they’re in crisis mode, and while I don’t always think that’s true, Stoker definitely wanted to let Jonathan’s personality shine through here.

From the first passage, he’s literally guessed that Dracula is undead. “I fear I am the only living soul here.” Sure, he might mean that he’s the only present soul, if Dracula’s left the building, but since he describes the mirror yeeting scene right after…idk, I’d like to think he knows way more than we ever gave him credit for. “Clueless Jonathan” who? Is the clueless in the room with us?

Also going back to the first sentence where he describes worrying he was getting too wordy, but now being glad he did…oof. I feel for him here. If my theory is correct that he was initially writing in a more detailed way for Mina so he could remember his travels for later…I’m sure it’s hitting him now that while it may be saving his life that he’s more detailed, it’s so twisted that something he did as a note of affection has soured. I wonder if he’s thinking about how he may never get out of this, or if that hasn’t fully hit him yet.

Moving on to everyone’s favorite mirror-yeet scene, think about how Jonathan reacts when he’s caught off guard by Dracula because he didn’t see his reflection. How would most protagonists react? Probably laugh nervously and brush it off. Attribute it to some mistake on his part, which is exactly what Jonathan does *at first*. But after, he looks at Dracula and then looks back at the mirror to confirm his suspicions are correct, which they are. It’s an interesting moment and not one I think we see often at the beginning of a horror story (I don’t consume much horror though, so correct me if I’m wrong!). Usually, a character won’t get to this level of observation until towards the middle/end, when more supernatural elements have occurred. Jonathan may have second guessed his instincts, but checking them again is what makes him more likely to survive Castle Dracula.

Plus, when Dracula makes a move to attack him, his first instinct is to dodge the attack, showing that he’s not just going to freeze up at the first sign of trouble (which I want to emphasize isn’t a problem normally, but he is dealing with a thousands-of-years-old vampire…so, he has to be quick on his feet to survive).

Afterwards, he says he is annoyed at losing his mirror rather than disturbed, but I saw another post saying he’s repressing his panic as annoying (I’ll link it if I find it again) and I definitely think that’s true!! I can totally see that as his coping mechanism. Plus, compared to the rest of what happens for him today, it really is more of an annoyance than anything else. Would you rather your host throw away your mirror or lock you in a castle?

So after that horrific scene of terror, Jonathan is proactive in searching the castle. After finding a beautiful — but slightly horrifying landscape (you know it’s bad when he doesn’t stop to describe the view) — he decides to explore further, which leads him to figure out almost every other door is locked, including the front one to find, yep you guessed it…he’s a prisoner in the castle.

As I imagine most people would, at first he reacts by frantically running around trying to open locked doors like “a rat does in a trap.” The fact that he admits this in his diary (and, by extension to Mina/us) is admirable because it already shows he’s not afraid to be open about his emotions, even if it makes him look weak (which — unfortunately, he would, considering the time period). Most heroes of this period were expected to accept their fates with stoic determination, but that’s not human and that’s not how Jonathan is, either. We’ve already seen that he’s more open-minded than most English men by accepting the crucifix even if he doesn’t understand it and of course the way he shows his love for Mina is atypical for Victorian men as well. Most men wouldn’t go to the trouble of writing down descriptive notes just to recount it for the benefit of his fiancée later. It’s sad, but true.

Once he’s able to regulate himself a bit, it’s time for thinking and strategy, determining that he needs all of his wits to get through this! Once he sees that the Count does the cooking AND the cleaning, though, is when my love for Jonathan reaches an all-time high. He comes to a series of conclusions most protagonists don’t figure out until the end of a novel after way more obvious clues have been laid out for him and it’s only his 3rd day of being in the castle!! They go as follows:

A) Dracula = servants

B) Dracula = driver

C) Dracula = control wolves

D) Villager’s concern/gifts = this is worse than I thought

E) Crucifix = actual help?

F) Get Dracula to talk about himself (not hard) = find more information, but not in an obvious way

I also love that he questions his own biases about the crucifix he was given!!!! When else do you see an Englishman do that in the 1890s of his own volition (aka without someone snarkily telling him to - see BBC’s Dracula if you want an example). I certainly haven’t!

He also noticed that Drac talked about his “ancestors” as if he had been present for their battles (hmm wonder why that is). Hasn’t quite figured it out yet, but there’s evidence that he doesn’t write something down as a fact until he knows it is a fact, so perhaps we’ll see him write more on this later.

Final thought - his reference to Arabian Nights and Hamlet is significant and tragic, but also relatable. I too like to relate my life to my favorite blorbos, Jonathan!

All in all, we learned that Jonathan is very good in a crisis. He’s not stoic like most protagonists of his time period, but he is instead strategic and observant, willing to play the part of oblivious to keep himself alive another day and keep Dracula’s trust. This is likely what’s keeping him alive right now, as an aggressive approach would get him killed. Dracula is all about playing with his prey and keeping the illusion of benevolent host and willing guest — it’s a game of control for him. Breaking this game would mean it’s no fun and no fun would mean Jonathan is no longer needed….

While I know how this story goes, I’m as excited as first time readers to see how Jonathan plays what is, essentially, 4D chess with Dracula!

#dracula daily #dracula #jonathan harker #may 8th #sorry this took so long #I kept rewriting this #my poor friend Jonathan Harker just wanted to enjoy his business trip #novas notes #long post #cw violence mention

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kuni-is-daddy · 1 year

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Hi can I please ask for a yandere Scaramouche with a darling that has social anxiety and wears Jirai Kai

Fashion because cute and it works as a coping mechanism and where the darling doesn't fight back even after being kidnapped

YANDERE SCARAMOUCHE X FEMALE READER.

1.43k words. Scara masterlist

TW:? Signals of anxiety, mild bullying(recording)

FT: yae miko and mentions of tartaglia.

Scara's oufit for your 'date' ->> Link

Part 2!

Its been weeks, months, years? even since you've been kidnapped by your ex-boyfriend but the constant memories of his killings we're engraved in your mind. It didnt matter how far you ran or who you called for help. He'd always find you, and always bring you back into the same room he kept you in. To the point where eventually you just stopped trying after truly realizing he's killed everyone, accepting this life as your new normal. His normal. Scara was purely addicted to you. Always cooking for you, sleeping with you and even buying you plushies. Everything he did, Was purely for you.

You laid in the bed of your messy room in one of his shirts. Slurping on your favorite drinks while listening to your comfort songs with your black Bluetooth headphones. You didnt have much left at this point. Just the things you enjoyed alone. And alone was how you wanted to keep it. "Darling? Where are you?" Scara said while locking the door to your shared house. You threw another empty can of your drink on the floor, pausing the song and putting your headphones on your counter. Covering your head under the sheets and pretending to be asleep as you could hear his geta sandals click along the floor. The doorknob turned as the blood covered male entered. Immediately searching the room for you. "Oh. Your here love, did you miss me?" You gripped tighter onto the sheets, Feeling his weight press onto the bed. He scanned the room again, looking at the mess. Plushies scatter along the floor, Your books messily on display ontop of your little table. Along with your pretty black hairclips he bought for you. He sighed. Lifting the blanket away from you with little to no effort. "Good morning, y/n." But you didnt turn around. "Hah so you did miss me." He smirked, noticing you wearing his shirt. Scara then rubbed his hands along your back, You shivered in response. "Your still scared..good to know Dont be darling, I wont ever hurt you. Look at me."

Ironic, After all he's done scara was still able to tell white lies in your face. You turned around. Scara was covered in blood along his face and hands, Coating his fatui kimono in a metaled smell. "Sc-Kuni..Your bleeding.." He raised his brows, Looking at the blood along his fingers as if it wasnt even a problem. "Oh hah. That. Dont worry about it darling, It isnt mine." 'Thats even worse.' you thought. "I want to take you out today love. lets-" "NO!" you yelled. "I-i dont want to go out. I want to stay home." He sighed and cupped your cheek. "You know i cant do that anymore sweetheart." It was true, Scara couldnt afford to keep you home as much anymore. Whenever he did and would leave for a long time due to his association with the fatui, you'd just be long gone running off into inazuma. Anywhere Away from him. You spent day's practicing what you'd say to someone about him and for help, Trying desperately to cast aside the pit you had in your chest when talking. "P-please my boyfrien- No, He kidnapped me and!-" "Kid, this isnt a joke. You and your boyfriend can go do your sadistic cosplays somewhere else. Dont waste the Kujou clans time." 'cosplay?' and that was another thing, People never even took what your wore seriously except for scara so what was the point of going outside anymore?

Your heartbeat began to quicken out of fear how he'd react. You stopped laying down and sat up. "Y/n, Darling-" "Then what if i Run away! huh?! W-would you let me stay home then?" He laughed at your example. "How childish, Even if you did, We both know you wouldnt make it far darling. Now please, Go get dressed."

You stepped outside, Still holding the plushie he gave you in one hand. Scara held his hand out for you, "Fuck..You look beautiful darling." You looked up to him as he gave another sadistic grin. The two of you walked through inazuma city while holding hands. You tuned scara out while he muttered more nonsense about his job, a ginger haired boy you never met and how he cant wait until he gets the month off. One whole month to spend with you, Second after second. "Ugh.. You see her clothes? She looks so unprofessional." A older woman whispered by the dango stall. "I know right. She looks like a hoe honestly, You know? those girls that sell themselves out to those big nobushi guys for money." The two girls laughed as you walked pass them. Your heart began beating in a sharp pain again, You held onto kuni's hand tighter while the male was in his daze. "K-kuni.." you mumbled; He immediately turned his head to you after using his real name. "C-can we go home? Please, I dont want to stay outside anymore." He gave a concerned expression, trying to hold in his patience. "W-why daring? We didnt even make it to the store, I wanted to buy you more of your Jirai kai outfits you love. Come on, lets go. I even had ajax request some of those plushies you like from scenzhnaya" He pulled at your hand but you tugged in response. Triggering memories from when he first attacked you. "N-NO! i dont WANT TO GO KUNI!" the two girls looked in shock, then pulling out their phones to record your meltdown and slowly follow the two of you walk. "Darling. Come on. Dont make me-" Scara sighed and let go of your hand, Trying to resume his 'calm' manners. Ajax told him to work on.

The two of you walked to yae publishing house, Where a pink haired woman addressed you. "Ah. If it isnt kubuki, My my who is this beautiful girl you have with you now?" 'now?' did have another girl before you? "I dont feel like indulging in your games today, Youkai. Did Ajax bring what i ordered?" He sighed. "Ajax? Who?" She searched through her working papers. "Hm...Oh that ginger rascal. Yeah your stuff is over there." "Stay right here." He gestured to you. "Say arent you a gift, Is he treating you well? You know..I happen to be good friends with his mother." Yae miko said, you nodded your head vigorlessly. "Y-yes! I love Kuni alot, He is very nice." Miko giggled in response. 'Kuni huh. What an interesting name he took after this time.' "Is that so dear? You look a little exhausted, A beautiful girl as you shouldnt be tearing up now." She handed you a tissue. "T-thank you ms youkai. I-im sorry..I just really want to go home and relax." You wiped your eyes. "Really dear? and why haven't you?" "W-well.." you ranted off to miko about the two girls who've been bothering you on your walk with kuni. "I-i just wish people didnt look at me this way, I love my clothes they make me feel really-" "Comfortable?" She cut you off. "Y-yeah! and kuni likes them too. I just feel happy and more confident you know?" You continued the conversation with yae miko as her welcoming aura calmed you down from your breakdown.

From across the desk Kuni listened into your conversation. "Two girls with phones, short hair and purple kimonos." Thats all he needed to know. He laughed at the women. Not about you but the fact that they had the audacity to even do that while he was around. Or even say those things to you. He emerged from behind the stall with the plushies. Watching as your eyes lit up when he handed them to you. A warm smile appeared on his face as he hugged you. Not wanting to let you out of his grasp again. Kuni told you to go eat at a stall and wait for him to catch up as he 'had some issues with the delivery' and conversed with yae miko. "The fuck do you think your doing? I dont care how you pretend to care for humans to please over your god, But You have no business to ever be bothered with her. Do you understand that?" He leaned over the desk. "Well..Since you asked so nicely, Id rather believe im doing you a favor, puppet. My, Y/n was much more comfortable talking to me about her problems more than shes ever talked to you yes? Shouldnt you be more. Approachable to your s/o?" She smirked. "I am. Approachable. Why does it even matter to you? Dont you have more important things to do like writing lewd storys about humans like some sadist? I dont think ei would like that would she?" the two of them stopped arguing to the sound of two girls talking. Two girls in purple kimonos... "Hm. I believe those are the two you are looking for, Kubuki? "

Scara grabbed your hand as you nearly dropped your dango. Following the girls eagerly with a giant grin on his face. "Ah- Kuni! Why are you in a rush we-" The girls walked inside a house within the outskirts of inazuma. You puffed off your skirt and continued to eat dango. "Here." He said, "These we're the girls bothering you my love?" Suddenly the mood changed and the sinking feeling in your heart came back once more. "...Girls?..k-Kuni!? did you follow them?!" He ignored your words and gestured for you to wait behind the trees for him. Knocking on the door as a faint glow of lightning emerged from his hands, forming a purple katana that could resemble the masou no hitotachi.

You held onto your plushie tight as the sounds of screams and cries erupted within the area. Slowly coming to grasps with what he was doing. Kuni was getting rid of the girls that hurt you. The ones that made you lash out and practically ruin what could have been a good day for you. A small giggle came out of your mouth, Which you immediately stopped by shoving the last piece of dango into your mouth. 'No. Kuni is still evil, he's still the bastard that even made my life like this!' you turned around when the screams and cries died down. only to be greeted by kuni right infront of you covered in blood and smashing his lips against yours right Infront of the tree. Giving an irritated sigh at the surprisingly sweet taste from your mouth, yet still on his high from the people he killed.

#genshin headcanons #genshin angst #scaramouche angst #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x y/n #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin au #yandere genshin impact #yandere scaramouche #yandere genshin x you #yandere genshin imagines #genshin x you #genshin x y/n #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin fluff #kunikizushi #scaramouche fluff #scara x y/n

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