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mldrgrl · 4 years

Note

Lately I've been all about reconciliation. For some reason, I want all the Mulder-and-Bill-Scully-finding-some-peace fic I can get. I'd love to see your take on this, maybe in the IWTB era? Or even revival era.

One Sorry Sonofabitch

By: mldrgrl Rating: PG Summary: See above - but be advised Mulder and Scully aren’t in this story a whole lot. Please send all complaints to @perplexistan and I’ll be filing a lawsuit shortly for pain and suffering for having to turn Bill Scully into a sympathetic character. (Set post-IWtB)

He holds his tongue to spare his mother what he really thinks when she tells him that Dana and Mr. Mulder will be joining them for Thanksgiving this year. He can’t believe the audacity that man has to show up at a family event. And his sister isn’t much better for what she’s put their mother through over the years. He can’t even remember the last time he saw her. He thinks it might be ten years ago, just before his second son, Michael, was born. Tara squeezes his knee under the table and he musters up a smile and a brief nod.

Now that he’s stationed in North Carolina, it’s a lot easier for him to travel with his family instead of having his mother fly out for the holidays. It’s their first Thanksgiving on the east coast and he’s annoyed at having the happy occasion intruded upon by his selfish sister and her ne’er do well friend. He really can’t believe she still keeps that jackass around.

He loves his sister. He truly does. He just can’t understand the foolish choices she’s made. Starting with joining the FBI, but giving away her child and going on the run with her fugitive partner instead of putting her patriotic duty to uphold the law as her priority is just beyond him. He would never. He had hoped that whatever spell Mr. Mulder had put on her would’ve worn off by now, but alas. And now they’re coming to Thanksgiving.

Tara gives him a look when they hear the car pull up. One that implores him to please behave. His wife has no business being so compassionate, but that’s just the kind of person she is. He hasn’t forgotten how his sister nearly ruined the Christmas that Matthew was born with that strange little girl and her impossible claim to her. It should have been a time of great joy and instead Dana had made it sorrowful and awkward.

“Fox and Dana just drove up,” his mother says, coming out of the kitchen and wiping her hands on a dish rag.

His sons jump up from the game they’re playing in the family room, excited to meet their mythical aunt they’ve heard tales about.

“Don’t run in the house,” he barks at the kids.

“Yes Sir,” they say, stopping short and taking slower steps to reach the door.

Tara is the one that greets them and his mother is just behind her. Bill is the last one to the door and waits for the hugs and excited chatter to die down before he gives his sister a stiff embrace and Mr. Mulder a requisite handshake.

“Mr. Mulder,” Bill says.

“Just Mulder,” Mr. Mulder says.

“Matthew had a growth spurt this year,” Tara prattles, laying a hand on their son’s shoulder. He’s taller than her by an inch, thin and reedy. “As you can see. Can you believe he’ll be thirteen next month!? And we’ve got Michael turning ten in February.”

Matthew’s cheeks darken. He embarrasses easily and his fair skin gets blotchy at the drop of a hat. Both his boys are soft, like their mother. He’d like to toughen them up, but Tara is fiercely protective of them. A regular mother lion. He doesn’t get it. When he was a kid, he idolized his father. Those few weeks or months a year when his dad came home were the best. He was interested in everything his father did and how he did it. His sons don’t express any interest in him and he barely hears more than a ‘yes, sir’ or a ‘no, sir’ out of them on a good day.

“Maureen is napping,” Tara says. “You’ll meet her later.”

His daughter, Maureen, well she’s a different story. She’s only a toddler, but she reminds him of his sister Melissa. She’s headstrong and unafraid, particularly when it comes to her father. She sasses. She rolls her eyes already. She ignores his orders and does what she wants when she wants. She’s also cute as a button and has her brothers wrapped around their little fingers. Tara calls her their little threenager.

“We’ve still got time before dinner,” his mother says. “Why don’t we head to the family room.”

“We brought pies,” Dana says.

“I’ll get them,” Mr. Mulder says. He has his hands on Dana’s shoulders and gives them a squeeze when she looks back up at him. They seem to hold some silent conversation. To Bill, it looks like his sister is begging her friend to please don’t leave him alone in this house. He doesn’t know why she’s here.

They gather in the family room and make small talk. Tara finds the scrapbooks she puts together for his mother every year and shows off all the photos of the kids from their school activities and family vacations. Dana nods and smiles through most of it. Mr. Mulder is more talkative and asks all the questions.

A half hour slips by and finally he hears a cry from upstairs indicating that his daughter is up from her nap. Tara is on her feet in an instant.

“That’ll be the little princess,” Tara says. “I’ll go grab her and get her ready to come down.”

“I’ll help you,” Bill says. Tara looks at him strangely as he follows.

Maureen is jumping up and down in the playpen in their room when they walk in. She smiles brightly and holds her arms up to Tara.

“How’s my girl,” Tara coos. “Let’s get you into the dress Grandma bought you for dinner and then you can meet your Auntie Dana and Uncle Fox.”

“Don’t call him that,” Bill says.

“Oh, Bill.” Tara sighs and stands Maureen on the bed to start undressing her. “You’re going to have to accept him sometime.”

“I most certainly don’t.”

“You know, one of the things I loved the most about you when we were dating was that you always said that family was very important to you.”

“It still is. You know that.”

“I’m just saying that sometimes your actions don’t say a lot about what I know is in your heart. Will you grab me one of the Pull-Ups from her bag?”

“I’ve been cordial. Hell, I shook his hand.”

“Hell is a bad word,” Maureen says. She scrunches her face and shakes her head as Tara tries to pull her red curls into a ponytail. “No hair up, Mama.”

“Listen to your mother, Maureen.”

“No.”

“Hair up or it’ll get washed tonight in the bath,” Tara bargains.

“Okay, hair up.”

“She’s the one that abandoned everything, you know. Not giving a damn about how it would affect our mother. Tara, she gave her own child away for that man.”

“Damn damn damn!” Maureen shouts, jumping up and down on the bed.

Tara gives Bill a weary look. “William Scully Junior, you know better than to use that kind of language.”

Maureen laughs and bounces. “Daddy in trouble. Daddy in trouble.”

“Yes, Daddy was being very naughty. And so are you. Get down.” Tara holds her hands out and helps Maureen off the bed. “Billy, Dana had her reasons, I’m sure. Have you ever even asked her what happened back then?”

“No. Why do you always take the other side of the argument?”

“I don’t know, Billy, why do you like to argue so much?” She smiles and pats him on the chest as she leads Maureen past him out the door. “I’m just putting myself in her shoes and I know that if I were to have to do what she did, there would have to be a very good reason. You saw how attached to she was to that little Emily and how devastated she was. Think about that.”

“Hmph.”

Downstairs, his mother oohs and aahs over Maureen’s green velvet dress and Maureen twirls appropriately, delighted to be the center of attention. His sister smiles warmly and kneels down to introduce herself to her niece and tell her how big she is and how pretty.

“Thank you, I know,” Maureen says.

The women laugh.

“Where are the boys?” Bill asks. “And Mr. Mulder?”

“Outside playing basketball,” his mother answers.

Basketball. They should be playing a real sport like football. The last time he’d tried to teach them how to punt and tackle it had ended in tears. Matthew complained that the roughness might hurt his chances of moving up in his piano lessons and Michael said he preferred to work on his model cars.

Bill lingers in the mudroom, watching surreptitiously and listening to boys play with Mr. Mulder through the open window. There are a lot of high fives and hair tousling. They don’t even seem to be competing, just taking turns with the ball, which seems a little ridiculous.

“Good job, Matt,” Mr. Mulder says, even when Matthew misses a shot that should have been easy. “Loosen that wrist and hold that follow-through.” He takes the boys’ hand and guides it with his own. “That’s it. Let’s try it again.”

Matthew shoots again and they all cheer when the ball makes it in the basket.

“Nice!” Mr. Mulder yells. “Nothing but net.”

Both boys whoop and laugh and jump up and down like monkeys and grab onto Mr. Mulder. He laughs with them and they have another round of high fives and hair tousling.

“How do you know so much about basketball, Uncle Mulder?” Michael asks. Bill cringes.

“I played in high school and I used to be part of a team at my gym.”

“Did you like being part of a team?” Matthew asks.

“Yeah, it was great.”

“I think I want to join the debate team at school next year.” This is news to Bill and he’s surprised. Matthew is notoriously soft-spoken.

“Your Aunt Dana used to be on a debate team when she was in school. You should ask her for some tips.”

“Dad said that you guys used to be FBI agents,” Michael says. “He said it’s like being a glory fried policeman”

“Glorified,” Matthew corrects. “Not glory fried.”

“Glorified, whatever that means. He told Mom before that Aunt Dana should’ve kept being a doctor so she’d be more normal.”

Bill grits his teeth. He doesn’t recall ever saying something like that in front of the boys, but he’s sure he’s said it. He wonders what else they’ve overheard through the years.

“Well, that’s probably true,” Mr. Mulder says. “She’s a great doctor. But, you know what? Your Aunt Dana was the best agent the FBI ever had.”

“How come she quit?” Matthew asks.

“Have you ever done something that made you really happy for awhile and then it just stopped making you happy?”

“I used to like playing MarioKart,” Michael says. “But, now I think it’s boring.”

“It’s kind of like that.”

“My favorite is SimCity. Have you ever played that?”

“No, I can’t say I have.”

“Do you like Guitar Hero?” Matthew asks.

“Yeah, do you like Guitar Hero?” Michael echoes. “We brought our Playstation and we can play.”

“I’m not much of a musician,” Mr. Mulder says. “But I’ll give it a shot.”

“Cool!” Both boys yell.

Bill chooses that moment to emerge from the mudroom and steps out onto the porch. Both boys go instantly quiet and Michael starts dribbling the basketball he’s holding.

“You boys should run and get your jackets on,” Bill says. “It’s getting cold.”

“I’m not cold,” Michael replies.

“Yes, Sir,” Matthew answers and takes Michael’s arm. “Thanks for the lessons, Uncle Mulder.”

“You can keep playing,” Bill says. “I just think you need to get your jackets on.”

“That’s alright, we’ll go help Mom and Grandma in the kitchen. Come on, Mikey.”

Michael reluctantly hands the basketball over to Mr. Mulder. “Thanks, Uncle Mulder,” he says.

Mr. Mulder nods and then it’s just him and Bill outside. Mr. Mulder turns and dribbles the ball a few times before he sinks a basket. He picks it up again and holds it one-handed in Bill’s direction.

“You play?” Mr. Mulder asks.

“I’m more of a football guy,” Bill answers.

“USNA is on a great streak in the Army v Navy games. Think they can keep it up?”

“Wouldn’t be much of a Navy man if I thought otherwise.”

“Were you on the team?”

“No. We won all four years I was there though. Tied one year, actually.”

“I think Scully mentioned that you dad had played one year.”

Bill can’t believe Mr. Mulder is still calling his sister, Scully. It makes no goddamn sense. “1957,” he answers. “14-0, Navy.”

Mr. Mulder nods. The conversation stalls. Mr. Mulder rubs the back of his head for a few moments and then he looks at the door and straightens. Bill turns and sees his sister in the window. She comes outside, pulling her sweater tighter across her waist and crossing her arms as she steps off the porch.

“Mom says there’s about an hour left until the turkey is ready,” she says. “Everything alright?”

“Talking sports,” Mr. Mulder says. Dana stands close to him. He puts a hand on her back.

“It’s good to see you, Dana.”

“You too, Bill.”

The three of them stand in awkward silence. A wind picks up and blows dead leaves across their feet. Bill shoves his hands in his pockets. Dana turns to Mr. Mulder and lays a hand very lightly on his chest.

“Can you give us a minute?” Dana asks.

“Of course,” Mr. Mulder answers. He kisses the corner of Dana’s mouth and Bill’s cheek twitches irritably. He spins the basketball on one finger as he walks away and then tucks it snugly into the corner of the porch before he goes inside.

“I can tell you don’t want us here,” Dana says. Straight to the point. His sister has never been subtle.

“I think it’s you that doesn’t want to be here. You know, every holiday Mom would always bring up the fact that it would be so nice to have all her children at the table. I have to say I agree with her.”

Dana stares at him with a cool gaze. “Are you trying to make me feel guilty?”

“No, I’m just telling you how it’s been.”

“All her children?”

“Alright, we don’t need to fight.”

“I’m not fighting. I’m just wondering if she includes Charlie in that, when she yearns for all her children.”

Bill shifts uncomfortably. “That’s between them. Charles is…”

“Charlie is married. His husband’s name is-”

“Patrick. I know. I do speak with him on occasion.”

Dana gives a brief nod. “Were they invited to Thanksgiving?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry that we didn’t turn out how you wanted.”

“What does that mean?”

“You always wanted to follow in our parents footsteps. Be just like Dad. Have the doting wife, the Navy career, a house full of kids. Everything in ship-shape order. They made it look ideal when we were kids, but it was never ideal.”

“What kind of nonsense has that man been filling your head with?”

Dana snorts. “The irony is, Mulder is a lot like you, Bill. He values the sanctity of family even more than you.”

“Oh yeah, so much so he forced you to give up your only child.”

“Mulder wasn’t even there when I had to give William up.”

“Exactly. Where was he? Not with his family. You can be sure I would-”

“You would, what? Step away from the Navy? Reject a deployment order? What would you do, Bill?”

“It’s my job,” he says, curtly. “It’s what I do to make sure not just my family, but every family in our country is protected. Tara understood that when she married me. The kids understand.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Do you know what losing her grandchild did to Mom? Dad’s namesake, Dana. My namesake. How could you?”

“You sanctimonious sonofabitch,” she hisses. “My son’s name is William Fox Mulder. Named after Mulder’s father. Not you, and not Dad. And you have no idea how difficult it was for me to make that choice. None at all.”

“Then why did you do it? If it was so goddamn hard, why isn’t he here with us now playing with his cousins instead of with strangers?”

Dana looks away and licks the corner of her mouth. She used to do that when she was a kid before letting loose with a temper tantrum. He remembers her red-faced and stomping her feet, licking her lip before she exploded.

“Did you know that my life was in danger for all of my pregnancy?” she asks. “Did you know William was kidnapped twice before he was eight months old? Did you know that I had friends that were almost killed trying to protect him? Did you know that I killed people in order to protect him? Did you know that I made the biggest mistake in my life when I asked Mulder to leave us because I thought he was the one endangering our son? Did you know that my heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest when I thought I had lost both of them forever? Do you know that it took years for me to trust in the fact that Mulder forgave me for what I did?”

Bill feels uncomfortable and clammy. He’s never seen his sister like this, as a child or as an adult. She’s like fire. Hot and terrifying.

“No,” he says. “How could I? Why didn’t you come to me?”

Dana raises her brow at him like he’s said something completely incredulous. “We’re family, Bill, not friends.”

“Do you even have any friend, Dana? Aside from Mr. Mulder?”

“I don’t need or want anyone else in my life except for Mulder.”

“Including your family?”

“Mulder is my family. A fact I don’t ever think you’ll accept.”

“That man has poisoned you against your family.”

“That man is the reason I’m here today. You’re right. It is me that doesn’t want to be here.” She turns and walks away.

“Dana.”

She doesn’t turn back though, just walks up the porch and into the house and Bill is left alone. He doesn’t understand how he could have grown up in the same house as each of his siblings, but how they all turned out so different. He seems to be the only one that appreciates the values his parents instilled in them and not blatantly reject the status quo.

When Bill comes back into the house, he sees Dana and Mr. Mulder in the dining room, having a very low and animated conversation. Her hands are in his and his head is bent towards her. She’s shaking her head and pulling one of her arms free to gesticulate with, but he catches it and clasps their hands gently to his chest.

Bill turns away and heads back to the family room. The boys are on the floor with Maureen, helping her arrange her dolls to her satisfaction. Tara and his mother are on the couch in conversation. He sits down, feeling glum and perturbed. Dana comes into the room, Mr. Mulder behind her with his hands on her shoulders.

“I’m not feeling very well,” she says. “Mulder is going to take me home.”

Tara glances at Bill and he shifts his gaze away from her.

“What is it?” his mother asks. “Do you need to lie down? You can use the spare room.”

“No, I wouldn’t want to disrupt dinner. I think I have a migraine coming on and I have medication at home.”

“But, Dana, it’s been so long since we’ve all been together. Can’t you just…”

“Let Dana do what she wants to do, Mom,” Bill says. “If she wants to go home, let her go home.”

His mother wrings her hands together. He can’t stand the disappointment in her eyes and he doesn’t know how Dana can either. The hugs goodbye are awkward. The kids are confused.

“Uncle Mulder was supposed to play Guitar Hero with us,” Michael says, after they leave.

“Some other time,” Tara tells him. “Go wash up for dinner.”

Dinner is somber. His mother looks like she’s on the verge of tears. Tara tries to compensate by engaging the children in conversation, but the boys unhappily push food around on their plates and Maureen whines to be let loose. Before they’re even done, his mother starts gathering up the dishes and bringing them into the kitchen.

“What happened?” Tara mouths at him from across the table.

Bill shrugs. “Mom, stop. Tara and I will take care of the dishes. Boys, take your sister and...show your grandmother that guitar game.”

The boys looked relieved. Matthew takes Maureen’s hand and they head to the family room. After the leave, the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hall sounds immense in the silence.

“Bill…”

Bill raises his hands in surrender. “Dana and I had a talk,” he admits. “It didn’t go well.”

“Is that why she left?”

“She left because she didn’t want to show up at all.”

“This really meant a lot to Mom.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Maybe the only thing you can do is just accept the fact that this is all there is.” Tara gets up, collecting dishes before she makes her way to the kitchen. It takes Bill some time to follow, but he gathers up plates and silverware and goes in after her. She’s got Tupperware spread out on the counter and is trying to match lids.

“I don’t want to accept it, Tara. I can’t. She’s my sister.”

“Then what do you want to do?”

He scratches the back of his head and thinks, watching Tara empty dishes into plastic bowls. “Pack me up enough of those leftovers for two. I’m...going to go out there.”

“You should take the boys with you.”

“Why?”

“It’s unlikely they’d turn the kids away.”

That hurts because it’s probably true. He finishes clearing the dishes for Tara and she neatly packs up leftovers and stacks them on the counter. He grabs a sweatshirt and then goes into the family room. The boys aren’t playing the video game, they look like they’re playing Go Fish with their grandmother and sister.

“Boys, we’re going to take a drive.”

They look at each other and then look at their father. “Are we in trouble?” Michael asks.

“No, son. We’re just going to take a drive.”

He can tell they’re reluctant to get up, but they do. Tara brings them their jackets and loads their arms with the Tupperware and walks them to the car.

“Where are we going?” Matthew asks, buckling his seatbelt.

“We’re going to go see your Aunt Dana and...Uncle Mulder.”

“Really?” Michael asks.

It’s an hour-long drive. Bill can’t think of a time he’s been alone in a car with his sons for that long. They don’t talk and the radio isn’t offering anything decent.

“You know, Matthew, your Aunt Dana was there when you were born?”

“She was?”

“She and your grandma had come out for Christmas that year. They visited you in the hospital and you were only a few hours old. And...your...Uncle Mulder was there too.” Bill shifts a little in his seat and adjusts his grip on the steering wheel. He was a little disgruntled at the time that Mr. Mulder had shown up with Dana at the hospital, but even more so when Tara insisted he have a chance to hold the baby. He knows photos were taken that day, but he’s never seen them.

“Did Aunt Dana and Uncle Mulder visit me too, Dad?” Michael asks.

“No, they were...they weren’t in town at that time.”

“Oh.”

“Have I ever told you the story of when your Aunt Dana won a shooting contest when she was eight?”

“Um, I don’t think we know any stories about Aunt Dana,” Matthew answers. “Except a couple Grandma has told us.”

“I see.”

“I want to hear it,” Michael says. “I want to know the story.”

“Me too,” Matthew adds.

“She learned to shoot pretty young. My Dad had taught us. She was the best out of all of us, even Dad. She just never missed. Some kids in the neighborhood caught wind of it and said there was no way a little girl could beat them. They were older than us, maybe your age, Matthew. Dana said she could beat the pants off of them, just come out to the woods and name the target. She whipped those boys good. Six older boys against one little girl.”

“Did she win a prize?” Michael asks.

Bill thinks back on that day. He’d felt a mixture of pride and anger. He wanted Dana to win, but he also looked up to those boys. Their pride had been injured and therefore he’d tried to convince Dana to throw the competition at one point, pulling her aside and telling her she was hurting their feelings and should let them win. She looked him straight in the eye and told him no way in hell would she lose to a stupid boy just ‘cause. He’d been afraid the boys would retaliate in some way, maybe hurt Dana or even start a fight with him, but they hadn’t.

“Respect,” Bill says. “She won a lot of respect.”

“Sounds like something Maureen would do,” Matthew says. He and Michael chuckle together.

“Maureen is more like your Aunt Melissa. Dana was a real tomboy. She had to do everything me and your Uncle Charles did.”

“How come…?” Matthew starts, and then clams up.

“How come what?”

“I know Aunt Melissa died a long time ago. But, how come we’ve never met Aunt Dana before now? Or Uncle Charles?”

“Is it because Uncle Charles married another boy?” Michael asks.

“Who told you that?” Bill asks.

“Mom said that’s why Grandma doesn’t like to talk about him and we should try to understand that Grandma comes from another time where that wasn’t ok, but that doesn’t mean it’s not ok.”

“She said that?”

“Mmhm. She said that if anyone at church or other kids say it’s not ok, we just don’t listen to them because God doesn’t make mistakes and love is love and God wants us to love each other.”

Bill is quiet. He can’t believe his devout and traditional wife has said something so progressive and even went so far as to instruct his children to go against the church. Good for her, he thinks. Maybe if his mother had thought for herself once in awhile they wouldn’t have such a fractured family. He can’t believe that thought just crosses his mind.

“You boys listen to your mother,” Bill says. “She’s a good woman and I’m glad you’re both more like her than like me.”

“You’re good too, Dad,” Matthew says.

“You think so?”

“Yeah, you do a really hard job and it’s important and you’re in charge of it.”

“And Mom says that’s why we shouldn’t bother you with trivial things,” Michael says. “So you can relax when you’re home.”

Bill is quiet for a few moments and he glances at both boys in the rear view mirror. “I want you boys to know that you’re never a bother to me. Not ever, alright? You can come to me with anything. You understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” they both say.

“And to answer your question, you haven’t met your Aunt Dana or Uncle Charles before because I think...I think it’s hard for them to feel welcome. That’s why I’m taking you out to Dana and Mulder’s house right now so I can make sure they know they’re welcome.”

“Will we get to meet Uncle Charles one day, too?” Michael asks.

“I promise that when we get home I’ll call him and ask him if he wants to come for a visit.”

“Cool,” Matthew says. “Three new uncles and an aunt.”

The roads start to become more rural and desolate. It’s only twilight, but it feels even darker without any streetlamps or other passing cars. Bill turns off onto a dirt road and slowly bumps along the unpaved path.

“I think this is it,” Bill says, pulling up to a gate.

“Do they live on a farm?” Michael asks. “It looks like a farm.”

“I don’t think so.”

Bill is about to call Dana’s phone when he sees Mr. Mulder step out onto the porch, holding what looks like a long-barreled shotgun. He turns on the cab light of the car and then lowers the window and leans out, raising a hand in greeting. Mr. Mulder looks like he’s squinting and then he goes back inside and turns on the porch light. When he comes back out, he’s no longer holding the gun and he jogs down from the porch and down the path behind the gate. Bill sees his sister come out onto the porch a few moments later.

“Bill?” Mr. Mulder asks once he’s close enough to be heard. “What’re you doing out here? Everything alright?”

“The boys and I brought leftovers,” Bill says.

“Uh. Okay. Let me just unlock the gate, just a second.” Mr. Mulder begins to unlock some chains around the gate. “Scully’s been nagging me to put this on a remote, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Drive on up, I’ll be right behind you.”

Bill drives slowly down the lane and Mr. Mulder stays in the shadow of his taillight. He parks behind the car in front of the porch and the boys are quick to unlock their belts and scramble out of the car.

“Is this a farm?” Michael asks, running up to Mr. Mulder and taking his hand. “Do you have cows?”

“Sorry, buddy, no cows,” Mr. Mulder answers. “I think there might have been horses here at one time. There are some stalls out in the field behind the house.”

Bill gathers the Tupperware from the floorboards of the passenger seat and Matthew is right behind him to help him get everything out. Dana stands on the porch in a defensive pose, guarding her territory.

“Come in,” Mr. Mulder says. He guides Michael up the stairs ahead of him. Dana gives Mr. Mulder a look, but then smiles at Michael. Tara was a genius to tell him to take the boys.

The interior surprises Bill. It’s cozy, almost cabin-like. There are afghans on the couch and a well-used recliner. They’ve got a wood burning stove and a fire going. His sister is wearing slippers.

Mr. Mulder leads them all to the kitchen and takes the Tupperware from Matthew and from Bill. “Be sure to thank Maggie for us,” he says.

“I will.” There’s a few beats of silence and Bill eyes his sister. “Dana, would you mind if we talked for a few minutes?”

She hesitates and glances at the boys.

“You guys can go on the porch,” Mr. Mulder offers. “Maybe...these guys might like some ice cream?”

“Can we?” Michael asks, turning to Bill.

Bill nods. Never in his life did he expect to feel gratitude towards Mr. Mulder for anything, but he does in this moment. The boys cheer. Dana doesn’t look happy, but she takes her brother out to the porch.

“I’m not here to fight,” Bill says. “I just want you to know that up front.”

“Why are you here?” she asks.

“Because I don’t like the way we left things. I want to start by apologizing for...not giving you the benefit of the doubt. Or supporting you when you needed it.”

Dana looks surprised and a little chagrined. Her eyes water a bit. She wraps her arms across her middle and looks at her feet. “Thank you,” she says. “That means a lot.”

“I was telling the boys on the way over about that time you won the shooting contest when you were a kid.”

She snorts softly. “You were so mad at me.”

“No, I was proud of you. I didn’t tell you that back then, but I probably should have. Maybe it’s because of things like that that you felt you couldn’t talk to me when you were going through a hard time.”

“Maybe.”

“What I’m not going to apologize for, though, is my life or my family.” He pauses while she looks up and opens her mouth, but then she closes it again and nods a little. “I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting to live in the example our parents set for us. They were happily married for almost forty years and, God willing, I’d like to make it to my fiftieth anniversary and still be just as happy.”

“You probably will.”

“I think you might too.”

Dana raises her brow. Bill rubs the back of his neck and exhales, deeply.

“The kids were telling me earlier that love is love,” he says. “And, now that I’ve seen the two of you together, I think that he kind of seems like a decent guy.”

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t.”

“No, I don’t suppose you would.”

Dana looks at her feet again and rocks back and forth on her heels for a moment. “I would also like to apologize for keeping you in the dark about so many things for so long. I’ve been so accustomed to needing to keep things private, I forget that I can rely on other people. Mulder has to remind me of it at times when I start to shut him out.”

“You were like that as a kid. Tough as nails, wouldn’t show a weakness to save your life.”

“And a quick temper.”

“Yeah, that too.” Bill chuckles. Dana smiles slightly.

“I’m sorry I left like that. I hope Mom wasn’t too upset.”

“I think it might be salvaged if you thought about maybe coming by tomorrow? The boys really seemed to take to...their Uncle Mulder.”

“He’s really great with kids,” Dana whispers and two tears fall down her cheeks. She dips her head once more and puts a hand over her eyes.

Bill steps closer and pulls her in against his chest. She puts her arms around him and he rubs her shoulder a little. “I can’t imagine, Dana. What you must feel.”

“Some days are harder than others.”

“Does he help you through it?”

“Always.”

“Okay.”

After a few moments of silence, Dana sighs and then pulls away and wipes her eyes. Bill stops her before they go back inside.

“One more thing,” he says. “It’s important to me that you know that I don’t agree with Mom on everything. Just because I believe that her issues with Charles are her business, doesn’t mean I think she’s right.”

“You don’t?”

“Hell no. That’s her son. I would never. The thing is, Charles has told me he chooses to limit his contact with both of us so that it won’t cause problems between us and Mom, if she knows that we speak with him.”

“I know.”

“And, thinking about what you said and just...thinking about it in general, tonight, I’ve decided that if Mom can’t handle the fact that I have a relationship with my brother, that’s also her problem. I’m going to invite Charles and Patrick out to North Carolina for Christmas. I want to extend the same invitation to you and Mr. Mulder as well.”

“It’s just Mulder.”

“You guys are so weird about your names.”

“That’s how we like it.”

Bill puts his hands up in surrender. Dana opens the door and he follows. The boys are laughing at something. Mulder gets up from the table when he sees them and Dana walks into his arms. He rubs her back and nods at Bill.

“Can I get you a bowl of ice cream?” Mulder asks.

“Sure.”

“Dad, did you know that Aunt Dana and Uncle Mulder once arrested a man that was half-worm and lived in a sewer?!” Michael exclaims.

“Tried to arrest,” Mulder amends. “We only caught half of him. The tail end, unfortunately.”

“Gross!” the boys cry.

“Really, Mulder?” Bill asks.

Mulder shrugs. Bill sighs.

The End

#i wrote this #xf fanfic #bill scully #I never imagined I would have to get into this dudes head #perplexistan

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kakyoinryoko · 3 years

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Hiii I love your takes on jjba characters! I was wondering about your thoughts on why Jotaro was such an asshole towards women during part 3. Every interpretation of Jotaro I’ve seen just kind of ignores that part, so I’m curious to know what you think about it.

Seriously though, you make great character analyses and AUs. You somehow got me to stop thinking of Kakyoin as a cardboard cutout, and now I think of him as the epitome of being 17. Thank you!

hi oh wow first of all thank you so much. i’m glad you appreciate my thoughts because god knows i will pass away if i don’t air them out them somewhere.

personally i read jotaro’s misogyny in part 3 as a result of the whole gay trans situation i headcanon for him, especially since it never comes up again afterwards. like, without spoiling too much, as of the beginning of part 6, he’s come so far from where he was that he’s willing to pass on his role to jolyne with certainty that she will do just as good as or better than he did, and without any qualms about the fact that she’s a girl. so i do definitely think it’s something he got over and grew out of once he was an adult. i think the closest we get of any indication that it continues is at the beginning of part 4 when he calls some of josuke’s classmates annoying for screaming, but that seemed like it was because they were screaming rather than because they were girls.

that said i basically read it as a combination of two things. the first is compensation for the fact that he is trans. this is something that i think is unfortunately pretty common in real life as well, where trans boys will adopt misogynistic attitudes in order to “make up” for being trans or in order to better blend in among cis peers. jotaro is a big guy, he’s very visibly masculine and (given he is trans, which i say he is) has no problem with “passing” in the traditional sense, but he’s also a pretty insecure person deep down, and i think a lot of the way he is in part three, what with coming across so abrasive and rebellious, is a result of that insecurity. being shitty to his mom and generally disrespectful to the women he encounters is probably a part of that posturing, particularly because a lot of his actions make it clear he doesn’t really feel that way, especially when it comes to his mom, but also just in general (though i will say the fact that he feels women inherently need to be “protected” is still pretty shitty in itself).

i think the other factor going into it is just the fact that he’s really repressed and gay. i’ve honestly been going back and forth about how i think he felt about being gay as of part 3 lately; for a long time my gut instinct was just that he’s deeply closeted and probably unaware of it himself, that it’s the kind of thing he doesn’t even let himself think about. but honestly, lately, after i’ve thought about it, there’s an awful lot of part 3 art of him where he looks like he’s wearing makeup, so i am at least a little fond of the idea that he’s aware of it to some degree when he’s 17 and being around the crusaders (many of whom are themselves gay/bi men) helps him come a little closer to being comfortable with himself, only for that to come suddenly and terribly crashing down when half of them die, leading to another decade or two of repression. this might seem like it has nothing to do with girls but what i mean to say in all this is that jotaro is repeatedly stated to be handsome and well-liked and admired among girls; he’s flirted with or at least stated to be crushed on by pretty much every girl he interacts with in part 3 (barring his own mother of course). if he’s a young gay dude just barely starting to discover himself, having all that romantically charged attention directed towards him from girls he has absolutely no interest in is bound to be very uncomfortable for him, but he might not have a frame of reference for understanding or articulating that beyond “shut up leave me alone you’re so annoying i hate women.”

so yeah. none of this is to say his actions are justified, obviously him being shitty and disrespectful towards women is of course still inexcusable, but i think this is why it happens, at least. *points down at him* pathetic

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misterbitches · 3 years

Text

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

#history 4 #history 4: close to you #i told sunset about you #a thot #tharntype #lovely writer #bl fandom #idk #lol #long

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cherryplasmids · 4 years

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☆ good company ☆

pairing: nestor oceteva x reader fandom: mayans m.c — season 2-ish prompt: nestor doesn’t mind being your chauffeur as long as he can spend time with you before you leave. notes: my coco fic barely has any recognition, so i’m assuming this won’t either

—check out my other works; masterlist

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When Miguel told Nestor that Nestor's promotion as an adviser isn't happening, it angered Nestor. Besides Marcus getting the job Nestor rightfully deserved, Nestor got demoted to being an over-glorified babysitter/chauffeur. Emily and Dita posed problems for him. Always hiding secrets from Miguel and as a result, undermining Nestor's capabilities in watching Miguel's family. In a way, dealing with them became far more exhausting than running around town with Miguel. At least then, even with the potential of being injured, there's action to keep him entertained.

For the longest time after Miguel shut him down, Nestor was bored with his job. The strong love to protect the Galindo's dwindled due to the overwhelming, annoying issues each Galindo member decided to be apart of.

That is until you came along.

The house dynamic between the Galindo members shifted. Everyone seemed happy, almost too enthusiastic over your arrival. For a short time, Miguel even halted his Agricultural Park project and cartel business to accommodate you.

Initially, Nestor isn't too thrilled about meeting you. Miguel gave him the job to protect you for the two months you'd be visiting. After all, he'd only be your chauffeur. But then, he met you and his uncaring attitude disappeared. Within a week, he genuinely enjoyed your company, far more than Emily's or Dita's. Soon enough, within a month, he became completely enamored with you. However, he knew that he couldn't necessarily entertain his affections. Not only are you Miguel's prized friend, but you're under his supervision. Oh, and you'll be leaving for New York City in just a few weeks.

Luckily, as of late, you've been needing Nestor to escort you more than usual. For once, being a chauffeur is the best thing he's ever experienced. The traces of resentment he felt toward Miguel disappeared as well.

"Hey, Nestor?" He looks up at the rear-view mirror to find you looking out the window. He hums to get your attention. "How long until we get to Miguel's?"

"About an hour and a half."

You sigh and lean your hot forehead against the cold window. Nestor keeps his eyes on you, watching your lips form into a pout. It takes him a minute to shake himself from the sight. But just as he looks away, you begin to talk again.

"Since we have so much time to kill. Tell me about yourself." Nestor remains silent. He isn't even sure if he's allowed to speak candidly to you and in all honesty, he doesn't even want to. After all, you're leaving soon. If he starts chatting, he'll get more attached. "Oh, come on! You're this elusive character. A mystery to many."

He shrugs. "There's nothing to me."

"Yeah okay." You roll your eyes. "Is this all you do? Miguelito makes you drive people around all day?"

"Only beautiful women." Fuck.

You blush prettily at his compliment. "You tell Em and Dita such pretty words."

I'm already in too deep. Might as well play with fire until I get burned. "I don't think Mikey would like me hitting on his wife and mom."

Somehow, even when you snort, he still finds it sexy. His eyes return to the road and he thanks Mother Mary that this desolate back road has no cars driving beside him. Before you can get another word in, your ringtone disrupts the relaxed atmosphere. The sigh of resignation signals to Nestor that it's your job calling. He doesn't usually eavesdrop (unless Miguel makes him listen in on Dita or Emily's conversations), so he focuses on the road once more. Besides, you began to speak a different language that is beyond his comprehension.

After what seems to be an eternity, you hand up and rub your forehead. Nestor wants to ask about your welfare or your situation, but he reminds himself that that is above his job description.

"I knew these dumbasses can't function without me." You huff angrily, tossing your phone into your purse and rub your temples. Once you get minimal relief, you look up. "Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, you were flirting with me."

Nestor remains silent. What the fuck is Mikey gonna say?

"I would've never thought you were a charmer." You breathe out a laugh before pushing yourself to the edge of the car seat. "That's good, though. I was thinking that this is a one-sided attraction." With that, your perfectly manicured fingers dance across his gray button-down.

He jolts at the touch, looking down at your fingers. He says your name firmly before pushing your hand away. "Mikey won't like this."

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him, Nestor." You whisper, leaning even further forward to graze his ear with your teeth. He sucks in a breath and your fingers return to play the buttons. He mumbles something about not keeping secrets. "How 'bout this? We'll see where this takes us for the time being until we're secure enough to tell him."

Whatever you just said doesn't compute within Nestor's whirling mind. He nods while trying not to close his eyes at the sensation of you sucking on his earlobe. But as soon as you're fingers trail down to his slacks, his mind finally catches.

Fuck it.

Nestor pulls over behind a dune before you could do some serious damage. Once he's parked, he turns to you. "Are you sure about this?" You nod and smile which signals him to grab you by the neck and press a kiss onto your own. Miguel will have to wait for your return. Now, Nestor is taking what's rightfully his.

He'll deal with the repercussions later.

────── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

word count: 933 published: march 31, 2020 edited: n/a

#mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans mc fanfic #mayans mc fanfiction #nestor oceteva #miguel galindo #nestor oceteva x reader #nestor oceteva imagine #nestor oceteva fanfiction #x reader #imagines #fanfiction #reader insert #tv show imagine #emily galindo #dragonglassx #mayans x reader #mayans fanfiction #mayans imagine

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rachelbethhines · 4 years

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Tangled Salt Marathon - The Way of the Willow

Now here’s a controversial episode from season one. Let’s delve into the discourse, shall we.

Summary: It's Queen Arianna's birthday, and she receives an unexpected guest: her estranged sister, Willow. Willow and Rapunzel quickly bond, sharing a lot of the same personality traits (most notably them never wearing shoes), and Arianna feels a bit left out. To add to her aggravation, Willow has given her a pet with an annoying rattle. Eventually, Arianna explodes at her sister, letting her know her irritation with her and throws away the rattle. The pet starts to multiply and rampage over the countryside. Meanwhile, Lance and Eugene take the King camping.

More Filler, More Poor Pacing, More Fatigue

This is yet another episode that was moved around. Noticing a pattern yet? It doesn’t effect the plot much, but it kills the pacing dead. By the time you get to this episode you’re just tired and bored and ready for the show to just get on with things.

Let's Talk About Representation

So we have here a show that is marketed towards pre-teen little girls run by two middle aged white guys and written primarily by men. The creators have claimed that female relationships are the focus of the show, but only to give us one female friend for our main hero, no other friendships with women in them, just two sister relationships, and only one mother that is even alive.

Furthermore they go on to break up that single female friendship, refuse to give any focus to the only mother in the show, and then wrap the plot around the dead abusive mom instead, making her unnecessarily even more horrible than she was in the OG film. (just to make the equally abusive father in the show look better)

Meanwhile we get four father figures, all of whom are just some variant on the ‘overprotective estranged dad’ trope. Even though at least two of them could have been easily written to be mothers instead and it’d not change the plot one bit.

When women talk about about poor representation in media, it’s things like this we are often complaining about. That’s not to say that men can’t write women. Miyazaki, of Studio Ghibli fame, has made a lifelong career out writing movies for and starring women. Nor is this a claim that the TTS crew are misogynist. You can be well intentioned and still screw up. As is most often the case in films.

But nevertheless, if you are writing for a demographic that you are not a part of then you need to either include those voices in the development of your story or reach out and consult people within that demographic. And no, you’re wife/niece/daughter/mother does not count here. You need to go beyond your personal social circle, as people who either don’t know you or have worked in the industry can be more open about what is needed in the writing process.

Sadly there are rumors, (and please keep in mind this is only rumor, and we’ll never know the actual truth due to the fact that production artists are under contract and can’t share things without fearing for their livelihoods) but there are stories of the head showrunner shutting down the opinions of the female storyboard artists who warned him of some these creative decisions.

Moreover said creator responded to criticisms of how his female characters were written by claiming he ‘knew strong women in his life’ as if that actually had anything to do with his writing skills. It’s a poor response and smacks of ‘Well I can’t be misogynistic, I love women. See, I married one’. Dear, male creators, please don't ever do this. It makes you look bad.

So Where are Arianna and Willow From, Again?

The show keeps dropping hints that they’re from Corona itself and are born princesses, but that makes little sense. Because if Arianna was the rightful heir she’d have far more political power then she actually does in the show. If we’re to buy the idea that only Rapunzel will be in charge, and not her and Eugene, or even just Eugene. Then we have to accept that it’s because she’s the rightful heir by birth. If so, then Frederic must also be the blood heir or otherwise he wouldn’t be able to do all the things he does in the show.

TTS is so determine to not have any real world markers in the show and keeping things a ‘fantasy’ that it winds up swinging too far in the opposite direction. To the point that it undermines its own worldbuilding.

The Conflict Between Willow and Arianna is Good, but Unnecessary

I’ve seen some debate over ‘who is right’ here, along with tons of unwarranted shade thrown at Willow, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. Neither side is right or wrong, and for once the conflict in TTS is real, complex, not easily solvable with a ten minute conversation, and is presented evenly so that you know where each side is coming from. But in the end, it doesn’t add anything to the series.

Willow is never seen outside of this episode. This is the only story that gives Arianna any kind of focus. Rapunzel learns nothing useful from witnessing their squabbles and it’s all build up to a be bad parable/parallel in the series finale.

It’s a waste. A waste of conflict. A waste of character. A waste of time.

Had Arianna been treated as an important character to the narrative, like she should have been, then maybe the episode would have fared better.

Arianna is Reduced to a Pointless Parallel

We talked about it before but this might be the most grievous example of Tangled’s useless parallels.

Willow and Arianna are meant to be ‘foreshadowing’ (and I use that term loosely) for Rapunzel and Cassandra’s conflict in the finale season. Let me count the ways of how bad this actually is..

For starters Willows and Arianna’s conflit isn’t actually the same as Raps and Cass. There’s some overlap, but ultimately theirs is actually deeper and more complex than the Raps vs Cass stuff. It’s also only between them and does not involve ruining the lives of other people. So it’s a weak comparison to begin with.

Cassandra isn’t even here to make the parallel complete. She barely interacts with Arianna and has never met Willow on screen.

Rapunzel learns the wrong lessons from this. She gets encouragement from her aunt to go traveling and a pep talk from her mom during the show’s finale, but she doesn’t actually apply any of the actual context of the arguments being made to her own life. Making the parallel shallow.

Reducing a character from the original film, one that you did not create and who has reasons to be have more plot importance then they are given, to a mere ‘parallel’ for your favorite OC is just bad fanfiction. This is something that I would expect from a seven year old setting out to write their first ever story. Not from grown adults, who are supposedly professionals, who've worked for years in the industry and are employed by the largest entertainment studio in the world.

Now before you jump down my throat, there’s nothing wrong with fanfiction itself, nor with children exploring their favorite stories in ways they find personally fulfilling. But I happen to hold mass produced media to a different, and ultimately higher standard. As well should we all. A television show made by the mouse has more real world impact than a little girl posting on Ao3.

Critiquing stuff like female representation, the behind the scenes hiring processes that leads to either good or bad rep, and the impression these stories can have on people still developing their worldviews is important. Questioning things are needed in order to make change happen. If you never acknowledge how giving a show targeted to women to a male showrunner can cause problems then you’re never going to push the big companies for more female lead shows. Which means more women are left without work.

This is Subjective but...

I don’t like the Uumlaut being used as the main conflict. Look, if you like the Gremlins references, good for you, but I was promised sword fights and adventure according to the pilot and all I got was a parody of a 80s horror comedy that decided to skip out on the ‘horror’ part. The Uumlaut isn’t threatening enough to be interesting and the lack of real threats and challenges in this show is really starting to weigh things down. Plus it just distracts from the far more interesting human drama going on with Willow and Arianna.

Like if you don't want action to be the focus of every episode, that’s fine, but commit to that. Don't just half-ass it because you feel the need to shoehorn in an action sequence where it isn’t needed.

Conclusion

I like Willow as a character, but not this episode. They needed to do more with her to justify her existence, and they needed to do more with Arianna while at it. Sadly, you won't really miss out on much if you decided to skip this episode and that’s a shame.

Also...

I’ll forever headcanon that Willow is the wife that Stan mentioned back in Rapunzel’s Enemy and that she’s his and Pete’s beard. You can’t change my mind. Poly relationships for the win!

#tangled #anti-tangled #willow #arianna #repersentation #critique #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #tts #rta

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ears-awake-eyes-opened · 4 years

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Haymitch, Effie, and Hayffie

(Musings, character analysis, my headcanons about their backstories and forward stories, especially about their relating and relationships. I felt like I needed to think through some of these ideas before writing more fics. These reflections got incredibly long, and I considered just keeping this in my drafts for myself, but maybe something here will resonate with someone else too, so here we go.)

I’ve been writing about Hayffie for a month, and I have some thoughts about their relationships/sexual histories both individually and together. It’s film-Hayffie that I’m into, so some of my ideas might conflict with what’s canon in the books, which I haven’t read in nearly a decade. When I eventually reread the books, I may feel differently, but these are my musings for now.

Haymitch:

We know Haymitch had a girlfriend when he won the second Quarter Quell at age 16. Snow had her murdered along with Haymitch’s mom and younger brother, so I’m guessing Haymitch loved her, otherwise Snow wouldn’t have bothered to have her killed since Snow always kills with intention.

Haymitch I imagine has probably always been good-looking-enough, but not extremely handsome. (I say this despite the big crush I have on Woody). I can see Haymitch as a kid having been witty, reasonably athletic, reasonably popular, a class clown and fairly obnoxious. As a teen without a father present/alive, home would have been a place of hard work, so school was likely Haymitch’s primary outlet for fun. I figure that particular girlfriend may have been his first serious love (and probably his only love).

I think he and she had some experience with sex but not a lot. They probably explored each other and discovered things together. They may have had sex only soon before the reaping, just in case the worst happened and one of their names was pulled. I’m remembering the guy I dated when I was 16. I loved him, but I didn’t want to have sex with him. However, if it had been the feeling of the end of the world, I probably would have slept with him. So, logic tells me they did.

Fast forward. Traumatized post-Games Haymitch wouldn’t have been with anyone else for a long time. I think it may be canon that he refused prostitution because he had no loved ones left to lose, but even if Snow did prostitute him, it would have been maybe once when Haymitch was still a minor, like Snow’s last nail in the coffin of crushing him. But Haymitch would have ultimately proven himself to be too much of a loose cannon/liability for Snow to use in that way.

So I imagine Haymitch has some history of sexual trauma. First in the intensity of sex with his beloved girlfriend within the feeling of coercion (let’s do it now or maybe never). Then with being prostituted to likely some wealthy middle aged woman. Rather than being the prostitute of a man, I think Haymitch would have killed the man or killed himself, depending on his trauma state at the time. So I don’t see sex with men, forced or otherwise, in his history.

It’s canon that Haymitch is basically a loner/shut-in who doesn’t like people in his house and sleeps holding a knife (when he’s able to sleep). I see him having the potential to be quite desirable to women and the potential for being a player. But trauma put a damper on those potentials. I think he could have sex whenever he feels like it, but for a couple of decades after his Games he just doesn’t very often (on average over those years once or occasionally twice a month maybe) because women are too much of a hassle, and they aren’t the love he lost. Alcohol is strongly his drug of choice over sex.

When he does have sex, I believe it’s one-night stands or casual sex with women who are players themselves and probably who he mildly dislikes. He steers clear of relationships that seem at all likely to become emotional. He firmly does not want to get attached to anyone again. Liking people is something he perceives as risky. Loving people is something he perceives as suicidal.

Haymitch is perceptive. Over the years, he’s learned some basics about what feels good to women physically. Pleasuring women has never been his first priority during sex, but I see him as the kind of guy who gets off on them getting off, so he would have made an effort to experiment a little and pay attention to the results. Unfortunately, alcohol often gets in the way of really focusing on women while he is with them. Which is one of the reasons Effie likes him better sober...

Effie:

I like to imagine Effie in early life, 0-9 maybe, with a very old great-grandmother in her 80s-90s. This great-grandma had memories of growing up in a free-er nation before the dictatorship gained in intensity, before the first revolution, before tyranny. I imagine she told Effie folktales that Effie remembers as bedtime stories. Those appeared to be fictional but were filled with archetypes and the roots of humanity. Her great-grandma was careful to protect the family, so she never spoke openly against the Capitol, but she understood and communicated deeper truths which shaped Effie’s heart/unconscious mind. I like to imagine Great-grandma offered Effie a reflection of the girl’s authentic self and offered her a small taste of empowerment. “Never forget you’re more than a pretty, well-mannered girl. Your wit is sharp. You have the capacity to be so much more than a face and a body bending to someone else’s will.”

To Effie��s controlling parents, and even to Effie herself in time, the great-grandma would seem eccentric. I envision her telling Effie that a woman doesn’t need a man to please her or to achieve greatness, and teaching her that she can please herself in all ways including financially and physically. Those lessons sunk in. I see Effie’s great-grandma having possibly been widowed young and surviving on her own awhile, with kids including Effie’s grandparent. In many ways Great-grandma was a self-made woman in her time.

Effie lost most of that connection to antiquity and to her authentic self when her great-grandma died, and she had nothing substantial to shield herself against the tight control and will of her family and Capitol life.

I imagine Effie mostly complied with that control but claimed autonomy in subtle ways. I think she had sex throughout the second half of her teens and throughout her 20’s, always being discerning, discrete, and selective about partners, rather than *sleeping around.* She had an intention behind each conquest. These conquests often had to do with aspects of self discovery, the desire for validation, and facilitating what she wanted in life, especially the ability to project a certain image in order to get where she wanted to go.

Did Effie fall in love with some of those young men? Probably, because underneath her thick facade, Effie has a tender heart which the facade protects like armor. Did she ever have her heart broken? Seldom. For the most part, she inherited and practiced ways of staying in control of her emotions within relationships. Most men thought of her as a desirable pain in the ass, but worth the high maintenance because she knows how to pleasure a man, she gives that focused attention during significant times including sex.

Did she ever experiment with sex with women? Possibly at some point out of curiosity and in seeking validation, but I don’t see women as her jam. Pretty and popular in childhood, she got along with girls in school. Later in her teens and adulthood, women mostly resented her natural beauty, fashion sense, drive to achieve, ability to attract attention, and her perfected facade. I see Effie feeling wistful at times for the quality of connections she had in youth, but her understanding of survival in Capitol society dictated that image and career-based connections were more important than purely emotional ones.

By age 30, during her years as an escort, Effie is quite singularly driven. She knows her body well, but there’s a veil over much of her inner self. The facade she’s built up is so thick that she doesn’t know much anymore about the vulnerable self beneath it. Haymitch can see the softness in her, whether he’s sober or drunk. She is both terrified and thrilled by his capacity to see the self she hides.

Hayffie:

I picture Haymitch as one of the first crushes Effie can remember having. I think of her as 8-9 years younger than him, so she would have been 7, nearly 8, when he was in the second Quarter Quell. She would have been quite taken with the way he held Maysilee’s hand as she died. Just as Effie was genuinely touched by Katniss caring for Rue as she died.

I see Effie having only been an escort since maybe the 72nd Hunger Games — long enough for the District 12 folks to know and mock her, but not too long. She had ambitions to move up in the districts, and she was on her way to proving herself as an effective tool of the Capitol: looking, sounding, and acting the part she was playing, and keeping herself veiled to the injustice of the Games and of tyranny in general. She was brainwashed by a lifetime of coercive propaganda, not because her mind is weak, but because the propaganda was so prevalent and multifaceted, including coming directly from her primary caregivers.

I think she probably expressed interest in Haymitch early on in their work together, seeing him as his idealized younger self. I think he turned her down then, in part because there was something about her that he enjoyed too much, even though he may not have been able to pinpoint what it was, because in the beginning he perceived her to be mostly ridiculous.

I see Hayffie playing cat and mouse for a few years — teasing, taunting, holding each other at bay and not doing much beyond tormenting one another during games 72-74, and learning each other’s nuances along the way. Effie would find Haymitch’s uncoothness off-putting and his wildness tantalizing. He would find her poshness annoying and the woman underneath all those layers a sensual curiosity.

The third Quarter Quell effected a personal transformation for each of them. Haymitch accepted the reality that he was caring about people; he couldn’t stop those emotions, even with alcohol, and he really didn’t want to. Effie’s eyes were opened to the injustice of the Games through her deep affection for her team of victors. Her armor came down enough to experience heartbreak — a related heartbreak to what Haymitch was experiencing as he lost old friends, like Chaff and Mags, and as he cared for Katniss and Peeta and helped launch a revolution.

I see this as the vulnerable time for Hayffie when their personal games of cat and mouse would pause, and intimacy would creep in and feel scary. They’d banter it away for a while but by then they’ve seen each other’s heartbreak, and the contents of a heart once seen, can’t be unseen.

In the absence of liquor for him and in the absence of facades for her (i.e. in District 13), hiding authenticity from each other would be tough. The taunting chase would continue in spirit, but physically they’d be ready to catch each other and play with that physicality if for no other reason to provide distraction.

“Let’s keep this casual,” they’d say. “No strings.” But the tapestry that had been weaving so long would take shape nonetheless. Strings would be everywhere, drawing them together faster than they could cut them.

Sex between them, after years of avoiding it with each other, would feel easy and alive, like breathing. Their bodies would fit well, so neither would have to work too hard to pleasure the other. I can see that sex between them has the potential to be very rough at times, though always with mutual consent. They both would be this interesting mix of selfish and giving. Their parting and coming together I see going on for years with feigned casualness. Cat and mouse again. The lightness would become more and more of a lie. Sex with other people would eventually whittle to nothing without much discussion about it.

They’d meet themselves in time as free individuals, and they’d realize they had fallen for each other all along, despite everything and because of everything. They would keep trying to stop it, and they’d keep failing miserably until finally moving into acceptance.

I don’t picture them ever married. Haymitch would want no government or religious bullshit in their personal business. But I see them eventually sharing their lives with increasing intimacy, how ever that might show up. I’m not sure yet how it would show up, though I like to think that several years down the road, Effie will move to District 12 “as the place becomes more civilized,” and when she perceives that there is meaningful work for her there. I also believe Effie’s perception of “meaningful work” will shift in time, initially out of necessity and then organically as she reconnects with her deep self and reclaims it.

I don’t picture Hayffie with kids. Okay, that’s a lie. I totally picture them with a kid and would have a blast writing the humor, affection, and angst inherent for them within that choice, but I don’t think that choice is in character for them. If they conceived a child, that would happen inadvertently. They’d both be terrified of parenthood, given their histories individually and together. Most likely Effie would terminate the pregnancy, but she’d be conflicted. And the more opportunity Haymitch would have to think about it, the more conflicted he would be as well.

The Hunger Games takes a toll in both ways. Kill a fetus to keep it from being born into a world where they’ve participated in and witnessed the killing of children? Or let the fetus become a baby with traumatized dysfunctional parents and hope for the best? I think they’d see it as a lose-lose, but also would feel so much tenderness about the possibility, especially if it happens years down the line in the feeling of “let’s do it now or maybe never.” Sound familiar? There’s some trauma reenactment there.

Trauma bonding and secure attachment:

I think that Hayffie could fall easily into reenacting trauma with each other. Here are some ways I see that playing out...

Haymitch experienced severe attachment trauma while still in early life, losing his parents and everyone he loved. This was on top of the trauma of being hunted and killing and witnessing death within the Games. This trauma was inflicted directly or indirectly by the Capitol. Haymitch has a lot of unresolved anger at the Capitol. Without integration there’s no healthy way for someone to cope with that severity of trauma. Hence, his addiction/alcoholism.

From the perspective of dysfunction, I can see him drawn to Effie because she’s a Capitol girl, controlled/controlling and emotionally abandoning. She doesn’t show up all warm and fuzzy and “talk to me, honey.” She shows up with open criticism and disdain for him. On the surface, she has those fundamental qualities in common with the primary abuser throughout his life (Snow). So through the lens of trauma reenactment, it makes perfect sense that he’d want to fuck her.

I imagine Effie experienced early life trauma that was more subtle but still impactful. She grew up in a place where one misstep could lead to her family’s ruin. She grew up with parents who likely demanded no missteps and were emotionally unavailable, being so focused on achievement over emotional health. To keep her parents’ approval Efffie needed to do everything precisely: appearance, manners, attitude, performance. When she didn’t exceed par, I imagine she was criticized and chastised. When she exceeded par she was praised. (Intermittent reinforcement.) Throughout her early life, she marinated in rigidity with constant reminders of what happened to people who were imperfect. Effie became an attention seeker and a people-pleaser. She sought validation from not just the masses, but also specifically from people who were the most critical of her and dependent in some way upon her *performance.*

From the perspective of dysfunction, I can see her drawn to Haymitch because he doesn’t offer her consistent validation. Even his *compliments* are teases, taunts, and mocking sarcasm. His alcoholism makes him emotionally unavailable and at times intermittently reinforcing. In moments, he’ll look right into her with unmistakable genuine attraction, and she’ll feel high when he does. The high comes because the attention is intermittent and unpredictable. In that state of emotional drugs flowing through her, it makes total sense that she’d want to fuck him.

Their potential for trauma bonding will make their relationship at times explosive and volatile, not overtly abusive but with sharp tongues and intense physicality that at times borders on punishing. Their desire for each other grows like wildfire, their bond tightens, and sex between them is compelling and delicious in a way that I don’t think either of them has experienced before.

I like to believe their potential for trauma bonding is only part of what draws them together.

I think Haymitch’s compassion in the second Quarter Quell touched young Effie’s heart very genuinely, and her young heart was also shaped by her great-grandmother’s unconditional love. With that heart, she in time grows deep affection for “her victors,” not just as validations of her self-worth, but as people who are truly deserving because of who they are, not what they do.

I think Haymitch has the capacity to see through Effie’s walls of makeup, clothing, and attitude to the heart of the girl who has watched him kill but doesn’t regard him as a murderer, rather she sees him still as the boy who held his friend’s hand in death. I like to think of him seeing that core aspect of himself through her eyes. Each time he sees it, he forgives himself a little more for the responsibility he feels for the death of his loved ones and everyone he ever killed in order to stay alive, and evey tribute who died under his mentorship. Haymitch carries impossibly heavy burdens on his shoulders, hence the alcoholism. Effie’s regard for him as a victor, a victor who showed compassion to Maysilee, to Katniss, to Peeta, and so on, lightens more and more over time the burden he carries.

I think their relationship is an interesting mix of dysfunction and healing. It’s raw and messy, and Effie desperately needs raw and messy, even though she fights against that a long time. Their relationship also has the capacity for deep tenderness and connection, and Haymitch desperately needs tenderness and connection, even though he fights against it a long time.

I so want to see Effie raw and messy. I so want to see Haymitch tender and connecting. That’s the unfolding I write for them together. It’s tough not to rush it, because it’s so interesting, and I want to see it all so badly.

After all these years, I am adoring Hayffie in this unexpected way. This ship is surprisingly intricate and beautiful.

P.S. If you made it this far, wow, and thanks for caring about the characters enough to read my extended ramblings. Comments welcome. I love to hear other people’s thoughts about Hayffie.

#hayffie #hayffie musings #effie x haymitch #haymitch x effie #effie trinket #haymitch abernathy #thg #hunger games musings #the hunger games #hunger games #character analysis #trauma reenactment #attachment trauma

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weekendwarriorblog · 3 years

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The Weekend Warrior Is Back!!! Raya and the Last Dragon, Chaos Walking and More

Welcome back to the Weekend Warrior!

This is probably going to be a little different from any of my previous columns, because New York City theaters reopen on Friday, and I swore that once they do, I would be writing about box office again. But this will also essentially be a previous column, so it will include reviews, it will include festivals and repertory series, and basically, whatever the hell I want to write about.

But let’s be realistic here. While there are a lot of movie theaters in New York City, not all of them will open, and they’ll all still have a capacity ceiling at 25% or 50 people in the larger theaters. Many of the larger multiplexes like AMC will be able to show films on two, three or more screenings to be able to make up for the limited capacity, but smaller theaters and those who have been doing well with the virtual cinema may remain closed. I know that the Angelika will be reopening to show some of the indies that haven’t had a theatrical release in NYC yet like Minari, and the IFC Center is reopening but with insanely strict protocols. (Don’t you DARE take off your mask even if you’re watching a three-hour movie! The good news is that they’re showing a lot of great movies on reopening including a comedy series that includes a number of Lynn Shelton movies.)

There’s also the issue of New Yorkers who are still petrified of being out in public, even those who have already been vaccinated and are possibly spending time in congregate settings that are just as likely to cause COVID spread than movie theaters. (I’m not gonna go on a rant about the egotistical and elitist film critics and journalists who have been ranting about movie theaters reopening for the past six months – for some reason, they think they’re as important as essential workers. Guess what, NAME REDACTED, you’re not.)

The big release of the weekend is the Disney animated movie RAYA AND THE LAST DRAGON, which will hit probably around 2,400 theaters on Friday as well as be available for a premium on Disney+. I honestly don’t know a ton about this premium streaming release, but this is the second one after last year’s Mulan, which came out (better sit down for this) six months ago!

This magical fantasy adventure centers around Raya (a teen girl voiced by Kelly Marie Tran), who is trying to save her world that has been relegated to dust by the destruction of a valuable magical gem that contains destructive spirits imprisoned there by the legendary dragons. When Raya finds the last dragon, Sihsu (voiced by Awkwafina), the two of them must travel across the land collecting the separated pieces of the gem to reassemble them and restore their world. Raya is thwarted along the way by her arch-nemesis Namaari (Gemma Chan) who wants to reunite the gem pieces to help her own city of Fang.

(Raya is preceded by the animated short Us Again, which is a nice wordless short about a cranky old man who reflects back on his younger days dancing with his wife. It’s okay, nothing particularly memorable.)

Raya and the Last Dragon, on the other hand, is pretty wonderful, a mix of action, adventure, magic and humor, directed by Don Hall (Big Hero Six) and Carlos Lopez Estrada (Blindspotting) in a way that blends those disparate elements in fun ways. I’ll freely admit that I was a little worried that Akwafina’s schtick was going to annoy me, but after a while her wise-cracking dragon grows on you. In fact there are actually so many other funny characters to add to the laughs that the more brought in the mix on Raya and Sihsu’s journey, the more enjoyable the film gets.

One of the reasons the film works as well as it does is that unlike last year’s Onward, it wasn’t just the two characters and what they had to offer but how their situation changes as it goes along and they visit different cities. I was pretty surprised by how well the film keeps you entertained and invested in the journey.

I also absolutely loved the score by Thomas Newton Howard, which may be even better than his score for News of the World, which I honestly think he’ll get another Oscar nomination for. This is a film that explores all sorts of emotions as well as its Southeast Asian myths, so I feel that I was always going to be a complete and total patsy for this movie since it combines a lot of things I like such as fantasy and Asian mythology. In that sense, Raya is also a nice companion to the recent Mulan, which made my Top 10 last year, but sadly never even got a nominal theatrical release.

So let’s talk about box office, something I haven’t done in almost a year. Last weekend, Warner Bros’ Tom and Jerry had a fairly spectacular opening of $13.7 million. Raya is the first new wide release Disney movie since Pixar’s Onward literally a year ago. That ended up opening to $39 million in 4,310 theaters but only grossed $61.5 million domestic after its legs were cut short by COVID one week later. Raya will likely open in about 2,500 theaters by comparison and that’s with limited capacity for safety, but it should fare decently against the second weekend of Tom & Jerry, and I could easily see it bringing in $15 million or even as much as $18 million, but again, we’re in the baby steps part of the reopening, and things are going to start slowly and keep building as the vaccine continues rolling out.

Being released theatrically by Lionsgate this Friday is CHAOS WALKING, the adaptation of Patrick Ness’ future-set young adult novel The Knife of Never Letting Go, which stars Tom Holland and Daisy Ridley. Holland plays Todd Hewitt, a young man living in a world with no women where men’s thoughts can be perceived by everyone around them. One day, he discovers a mysterious girl named Viola (Ridley), when she crash lands on this planet but her very presence puts Viola’s life in danger, so Todd agrees to accompany her to find her own people.

Yeah, where do I even begin with the latest film from director Doug Liman that was probably filmed two or three years ago and was being delayed even before COVID came along? That’s already a bad sign, but when see how “The Noise,” the way that we hear all of characters’ thinking emerges, it immediately feels like it’s gonna be a problem. Sure enough, it’s such an awkward plot device to watch smoke billowing from the heads of the various characters as we hear their thoughts that it takes most of the movie to get used to it, and yet, it’s still so comically inept a concept that you can’t help but laugh when Holland continually rants, “My Name is Todd Hewitt,” over and over to keep Ridley’s Viola to hear his pubescent teen boy thoughts on experiencing his first girl.

The thing is that the scenes with just Holland and Ridley aren’t bad, but when you have a movie with actors like Mads Mikkelsen, David Oyelowo, Demian Bechir and Cynthia Erivo, it’s disappointing that they can’t elevate the movie above anything other than the most obvious sci-fi (and Western) pastiches. Mikkelsen is the town mayor who is so obviously another bad guy, that he doesn’t bother to put too much into his performance cause we’ve seen him do it so many times before.

Liman is more than a competent filmmaker but he clearly is unaware of how watching clouds pool around the heads of characters as we hear and see their thoughts become material, and even the introduction of the particularly silly-looking aliens – called, get this, the “Spackle” -- makes you forget that this is a sci-fi film from the director of Edge of Tomorrow (or whatever it ended up being called). It’s not even particularly surprising when we find out what really happened to the women in Todd’s community.

I have a feeling that the problems within Chaos Walking come straight from the Patrick Ness source material and the fact that he decided to adapt it himself may have made him tone-deaf to how hard it is to make the film’s central premise work without eliciting guffaws even from the most dedicated or devout fans.

This is also opening in IMAX theaters this weekend, and when it comes to New York, that might be the ideal way to see it (if you so choose) since it’s generally bigger theaters with a maximum of fifty people. Honestly, I don’t think Chaos Walking will make more than $5 million this weekend even in what should be over 2,000 theaters and with the presumed star power of Holland and Ripley from their franchise work. This could be seen as counter-programming from the animated movie, although any teens ready to go back to the movies might stick with Raya as well. Honestly, how this didn’t end up getting dumped to streaming compared to some of this weekend’s better movies is beyond me.

Offering a bit of indie counterprogramming for the two (relatively) big studio movies is Eddie Huang’s BOOGIE, the directorial debut of the Fresh Off the Boat producer, being released by Focus Features into who knows how many theaters? (1,000 or less, I’d Imagine.) It’s a coming-of-age movie starring Taylor Takahashi as Alfred “Boogie” Chin, a Queens high school basketball ace who dreams of one day playing in the NBA but whose temper gets him in trouble with the scouts for college where he’s hoping to get a scholarship.

I was kind of looking forward to this one, because I generally enjoy Fresh Off the Boat, and I’m interested in what stories Huang has to offer as a filmmaker. The film has its merits but it’s not necessarily Takahashi, who isn’t strong enough to really keep the viewer’s interest.

On the other hand, Huang was wise to cast the amazing Taylour Paige (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom) as Boogie’s love interest and even better than both is Pamelyn Chee as Boogie’s “Tiger Mom” mother who is sugary sweet when it comes to wooing possible recruiters but also is a complete nightmare to his ex-con father (Perry Yung).

Thinking back on the movie, I definitely didn’t hate it as there were character relations and dynamics I enjoyed, but not all of it clicked with me, and it’s hard to imagine this one connecting with audiences as well as some of the other movies out this week, unless you’re into college hoops, which I am not.

As far as box office, I’m not sure this will be in more than 1,250 theaters (if even that) and even if it plays in New York City (where it would normally find its biggest audience), I just don’t think there’s much awareness for the movie out there. In fact, I see it only playing in one movie theaters in NYC, and that’s way up in Harlem, presumably hoping to get the street ball fans, but I’m not so sure too many up there will be interested in an Asian-American story, so honestly, I don’t think this will make more than $500,000 or $600,000 tops.

Besides the reopening of movie theaters, the other big excitement this week is the launch of Paramount+, the relaunch, spin-off, rebranding of CBS All Access that I had also been considering checking out. It will launch on Thursday, March 4, with the animated family movie THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE ON THE RUN, which was supposed to be released by Paramount Pictures last year and did get a bit of a theatrical release in Canada while theaters were open there last year. This one involves SpongeBob and his buddy Patrick trying to retrieve SpongeBob’s beloved pet snail Gary, who has gone missing.

I generally enjoyed the first to SpongeBob movies, even though I never watched the show, and the regular creators and voice actors always seem to step up their game in terms of the wackiness whenever they’re given a chance to bring the lunacy to the big screen. In this case, it comes in the form of some of the guests including Snoop Dog and Danny Trejo in an odd Western section complete with musical number or Keanu Reeves introduced in the same section as a tumbleweed named Sage. (Oddly, this also features Awkwafina providing the voice of a robot, and I kind of liked her in more of a subdued role like this.) Although SpongeBob and his friends are CG animated, the movie doesn’t try too hard to integrate the live action in as fluid a way as last week’s Tom and Jerry – live actors just kind of show up – but it’s still pretty darn entertaining to watch another movie in which everyone involved, including director Tim Hill (who shockingly directed last year’s awful The War with Grandpa!), just going about making the movie as crazy and wacky as possible, something that should appeal to kids and… THC-laced adults (preferably not those watching with kids) … to get an overall enjoyable experience. Maybe it’s no surprise that I was particularly tickled with SpongeBob and Patrick’s adventures in Las Vegas.

Along with that, the streamer will have a new animated series called KAMP KORAL: SPONGEBOB’S UNDER YEARS, which is a CG-animated series that focuses on SpongeBob and friends when they were younger, which actually is one of the funnier bits in the movie as well.

There’s a lot of great stuff coming to Paramount+ that should make it a real player in the streaming world, and that includes all of the Paramount movies that will be streaming on it, both those that are getting a theatrical release this year and the studio’s absolutely vast library over the past 100 or so years.

And that’s not all! This weekend also sees the release of the sequel thirty years in the making, COMING 2 AMERICA, which will launch on Amazon Prime Video on Friday (after being sold to the streamer by Paramount, oddly), so yeah, there’s plenty of options to keep people home this weekend even with theaters reopening.

Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall are back as Prince (now King) Akeem of Zamunda and his trusty aide Semmi, and in fact, almost every character and actor from the movie has returned, as the duo return to America to find Akeem’s illegitimate son Lavelle (Jermayne Fowler) in queens, hoping to teach him the Zamundan way so he can take over as King after him. Unfortunately, Lavelle is joined in Zamunda with his family which includes mother Leslie Jones and uncle Tracy Jordan.

Unfortunately, reviews are embargoed until Thursday, so I’m not sure I’ll get to review this one, but I did like the movie, more than I thought because my rewatch of the original 1989 movie led me to believe there was a good reason I hadn’t watched it in over thirty years. The sequel offers a lot of originality and humor in the forms of Leslie Jones and Tracy Jordan, but that’s all I’ll say about it for now.

Incidentally, you can check out an interview I did with director Craig Brewer over at Below the Line AND I also talked to the film’s make-up team, and after you see the movie, you’ll understand why I’m holding it until after people have seen the movie.

Another movie that would probably have gotten a theatrical release but now will be seen on Hulu is the Joe Carnahan-directed BOSS LEVEL, reteaming him with long-time collaborator Frank Grillo as a man who cannot die, because he’s living in a single day that’s being repeated over and over as he takes on a series of assassins sent to kill him.

This as a really fun action-comedy that never lets down in terms of either half of that genre, and it’s kinda groovy to see Mel Gibson playing a fairly key role since he became the master of that action genre with the Lethal Weapon movies. But this really is Frank Grillo’s show as a leading man, and while I can understand some thinking him not having enough charisma for that sort of thing, I respectfully disagree.

We get into this high-concept premise pretty quickly as we watch his character, Roy Pulver, take on a string of assassins for his over 100th attempt to do so, and as per the title, it is a lot like a video game where Roy has to defeat all of the assassins on his way to the big boss, Gibson’s The Colonel. Apparently, Roy’s wife Gemma (Naomi Watts) has been killed by the Colonel or his thug (Will Sasso) so Roy is now on a quest for revenge. But first he has to survive the onslaught of killers, all of whom he’s given cute nicknames.

Easily my favorite of the killers is Selina Lo’s Guan Yin, a feisty swordswoman who proves to be the most formidable opponent for Roy. I won’t say how he bests her, but it does involve Michelle Yeoh, who has such a strange nothing appearance in one section of the movie, you wonder what she’s doing there. In fact, the movie does hit a slight lull after the initial concept is introduced, but it

Listen, I’ve long been a fan of Carnahan’s dark sense of humor and to some, it might seem mini-spirited, to me it harks back to one of my favorite movies he directed, Smokin’ Aces, a similar movie with a crazy ensemble cast, though maybe a slightly smaller budget. Still, Carnahan is a terrific action director, which makes this one of the stronger action movies in a while, and he finds a way to take a fairly simple premise and make it bigger in that Roy’s dilemma turns into something where he has to save the world, but also something more emotional and personal as he tries to bond with his son before said world ends. I guess in many ways, it’s hard to put into words what makes Boss Level so special, but I can only hope that Ryan Reynold’s Free Guy is as good as this after being delayed so many times, because this will be a tough act to follow for sure.

Over at the Metrograph, still closed physically unfortunately, they’re doing a series this week called “David Fincher/Kirk Baxter” which looks at the relationship between the director and his frequent editor, showing a series of movies over the course of the week: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Social Network

The Metrograph has a lot of movies as part of its digital membership (just $5 a month) including Chloé Zhao’s very first film, Songs My Brother Taught Me, which was available to members through Wednesday night. (Sorry, I tweeted about it multiple times if you missed it.)

This week also launches the 26th annual “Rendezvous with French Cinema” up at Film at Lincoln Center, which was actually one of the LAST events to happen up there LAST year. This year, they’re keeping things safe by holding it virtually. It runs from March 4 through March 14, kicking off on Thursday with Sébastien Lifshitz’s Little Girl, which will be released by Music Box Films in the Fall. There’s a lot of fairly recent French films with an all-access pass available to rent all 18 films for $165. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen anything, so can’t really recommend anything but I’ll probably be checking out the free talk “How Music Makes the Film” on Monday, March 8.

Margaret Qualley (Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood) and Sigourney Weaver star in Philippe Falardeau’s MY SALINGER YEAR (IFC Films), based on Joanna Rakoff’s book. Set in New York of the ‘90s, Qualley plays Joanna, a grad school student who dreams of becoming a writer who gets hired as an assistant to literary agent Margaret (Weaver), whose biggest client is J.D. Salinger. Although Joanna’s role is more of a glorified secretary, she gets to go through Salinger’s fan mail from around the world, and she decides to start answering some of the letters to the author, an experience that helps her find her writers’ voice.

I wasn’t sure if this movie would be for me, but I find Qualley to be quite delightful, and this was a light film with a comedic tone from the Canadian filmmaker of the boxing movie, Chuck, and the Oscar-nominated Monsieur Lazhar. I enjoyed its look at the New York literary world of the 1990s, and it kept me quite invested even if I’m not particularly invested in Salinger’s work or an obsessive with The Catcher in the Rye as many are. Weaver is also fantastic as Joanna’s boss – think of a lighter version of Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada – and also enjoyed the tentative relationship between Joanna and her writer boyfriend Don, played by Douglas Booth.

Basically, Falardeau has created another generally wonderful and crowd-pleasing movie that sadly missed its opportunity at a festival run to build an audience after debuting at the Berlinale almost exactly a year ago. Presumably, this will open at the reopened IFC Center this weekend. (In fact, IFC Center released its reopening schedule and it’s a pretty cool mix of IFC Films movies from the past as well as some of the Netflix movies that weren’t released in NYC previously.)

Okay, let’s get to some other releases from the week, beginning with Ivan Kavanagh’s SON (RLJEfilms/Shudder), the latest film from the Irish director of The Canal, a fantastic horror film that premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival about seven years back. In this one, Andi Matichak from Halloween plays a single mother whose son David (Luke David Blumm) suffers from all sorts of maladies but when she starts getting closer to a local detective (Emile Hirsch), he discovers that there’s a lot more to her past and to her son’s ailments.

Honestly, I do not want to say too much about the plot, because there are so many shocking surprises in the movie once you think you know where it’s going, although I will say that it has connections to films like The Lodge and shows like Servant, but it also does a good job fucking with the viewer’s head, so you never know what’s really happening and what might be in the characters’ heads.

I will say that the movie is very dark and quite disturbing with lots of gruesome gory sequences, but if you’re a fan of smart horror, you’ll want to check out Son. (I’ll have an interview with Kavanagh over at Below the Line next week.)

Sony Classics is finally releasing Michael Dweck and Gregory Kershaw’s doc THE TRUFFLE HUNTERS (Sony Classics), which has been playing on the virtual festival circuit all the way back to Sundance last year, so we’ll see how many people are left to see it. It’s set in the forests of Piedmont, Italy where a handful of 70-to-80-year-old men are on the hunt for the rare white Alba truffle, which has resisted all modern science to be cultivated.

For whatever reason, I procrastinated on watching this movie for most of last year, maybe because I’m not that big a fan of cinema verité docs, but this is infinitely entertaining between the various men featured – including a lot of real characters in there – and how the movie shows their close bond with their truffle-sniffing dogs. This is a genuinely enjoyable movie that I feel can appeal to a wide range of viewers, although be aware that is in Italian, so maybe one should consider that even with the cute dogs, this should probably be watched by teen or older rather than small kids. (I don’t remember anything particularly racy, but the movie is Rated PG-13.)

Staying in the dog realm, Magnolia Pictures is releasing Elizabeth Lo’s documentary STRAY on Friday, which documents the life of Zeytin, a stray dog living on the streets of Istanbul, and some of his dog frenemies. Actually, this was a pretty wonderful film that I quite enjoyed, although there were a few dog fight sequences that disturbed me a little bit. But it’s a great look at Turkey through the eyes of some of the canines on the street, how they interact with the humans around them. Essentially, Stray is the dog version of Kedi, but I’ve seen other similar docs like this including Los Reyes – this one is just as strong as either of those movies, the images of all the beautiful dogs accompanied by gorgeous string music by Ali Helnwein that helps you understand the dogs’ complex emotions. Seriously, if you like dogs, you can definitely do worse than the previous two movies mentioned. Stray is available via Virtual Cinema, including that of the Film Forum.

Filmmaker and EDM artist Quentin Dupieux (Rubber) is back with his latest, KEEP AN EYE OUT (Dekanalog), starring Belgian comedian Benoît Poelvoorde as police officer, Commissaire Buran, investigating a guy (Grégoire Ludig) who has discovered a dead body in a puddle of blood outside his apartment building. The prime suspect is then left alone with a one-eyed rookie, and if you’ve seen any of Dupieux’s other films, you’ll probably know to expect the unexpected as things get crazier and crazier. (I seem to remember seeing this last year at some festival, maybe FantasticFest, but I’ll have to watch again before remembering if this was one of Dupieux’s movies that I liked.) This will be available in select theaters and also in virtual cinema this Friday. (Oddly Dupieux’s last movie, Deerskin, debuted at last year’s “Rendezvous with French Cinema” right before theaters shut down for a year, and I don’t want to be superstitious, but yeah, I’m worried.)

Barnaby Thompson’s Ireland-set crime thriller PIXIE (Saban/Paramount) stars Olivia Cooke (Sound of Metal) and Alec Baldwin with Cooke playing Pixie Hardy, a young woman who wants to avenge her mother’s death by pulling off a heist that will allow her to leave her small town. The crime goes wrong, and she’s forced to team up with a group of misfits including Baldwin’s Father McGrath.

Bradley Parker’s action-thriller THE DEVIL BELOW (Vertical) deals with a team of researchers who are investigating a series of underground coal mines in Appalachian country that have been on fire for decades where they discover a mystery. It’s getting a combined theatrical, VOD and digital release Friday.

Phil Sheerin’s directorial debut THE WINTER LAKE stars Emma Mackey (Sex Education) as Holly, a young woman with a secret that’s uncovered by her unstable neighbor Tom (Anson Boon from Blackbird) and the two of them are pulled into a confrontation with her father, who wants to keep the family secret buried. This will be in select theaters on Friday, On Demand on Tuesday, March 9 and then on DVD March 23.

Dylan McCormick’s SOMETIME OTHER THAN NOW (Gravitas Ventures) stars Donal Logue and Kate Walsh, Logue playing Sam who is stranded in a small New England town after his motorcycle crashes into the ocean seeking refuge at a run-down motel run by Walsh’s Kate, a similarly run-down and lost soul. When Sam learns that his estranged daughter Audrey, who he hasn’t seen in 25 years, lives in the town, he starts to learn more about why he ended up there.

Jacob Johnston’s DREAMCATCHER (Samuel Goldwyn) stars Travis Burns as Dylan aka DJ Dreamcatcher who meets up with two estranged sisters at the underground music film festival, Cataclysm, where they become entrenched in 48 hours of violence and mayhem after a drug-fueled event. Sounds delightful.

Some of the other VOD stuff hitting the ‘net this week include: 400 Bullets (Shout! Studios), Sophie Jones(Oscilloscope), Dementer (Dark Star PIctures), Black Holes: The Edge of All We Know (Giant Pictures)

That’s it for this week. Next week, theaters hopefully will remain open, and we’ll have some new movies to write about.

#TheWeekendWarrior #Movies #Reviews #RayaAndTheLastDragon #ChaosWalking #SpongeBobMovie #BossLevel

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soberqueerinthewild · 5 years

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Bunker Confessionals

Five times Liz & Michael talk about love (and one time they don’t have to)

{AO3 Link}

A Liz & Michael friendship fic with heavy emphasis on Echo and Malex, and mentions of Michael/Maria. This is my first attempt at a 5+1 fic and I kind of got carried away, so three of the parts are much longer than the rest, oops! Thanks as always to @seeaddywrite for encouragement and editing. Without her there would apparently have been a lot of comma splices in here, whatever that means.

***

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Liz searches Michael’s face for some hint of his usual sarcastic smirk, but even with his head bent in concentration over his work, she can see that his expression is deadly serious.

“How could I not? Love is the reason we’re here right now, trying to resurrect the idiot you love, because he loved you so much he killed himself bringing your sister back. Your sister, who was killed because a psycho decided he was in love with her. And my sister is destroyed because she just found out that the love she thought she had was a total lie. So yeah, I’d say love is the worst thing that happened to all of us. Are you telling me there aren’t days when you think your life would just be a lot easier if you didn’t love Max? Or if you’d never even met him in the first place?”

His speech brings Liz up short. It is, in its own way, a logical argument. One that a few months ago, she might’ve agreed with. Facts and evidence have been her armor, her guiding force to stabilize her through Rosa’s death and the aftermath, through her ten years away, through her tumultuous homecoming. But love had knocked her off balance. It was the one thing she realized she couldn’t logic her way into or out of. She’d tried, god she’d tried. But once she stopped resisting so hard, once she loosened her grip on all the reasons why not, she found that she loved Max Evans the way he loved her---easily. And yes, that love turned to chaos as grief raged through her. It hurt, but it also sustained her, pushed her to get out of bed, move forward, try harder. Max believed in her without evidence, loved her the ten years she was gone, and every day since she got back. No, even in her darkest moments since his death, she couldn’t bring herself to regret loving Max.

Tears prick at her eyes. She finds it annoying how easily she cries these days. Michael looks guilty as he shuffles over to her, and puts an arm around her shoulders tentatively, less awkward than she would’ve imagined he’d be around crying women. When she doesn’t move away, he pulls her to him and lets her sob into his chest. Several times she tries to find the words to counteract Michael’s argument, to make sure Michael knows that she doesn’t, couldn’t ever feel that about Max, but she can’t speak through the tears, and Michael is mumbling apologies at her, clearly regretting bringing up the subject in the first place.

When the tears slow and she regains her composure, waving off Michael’s apologies, he switches his focus back to their work. She briefly considers trying to bring the conversation back around, but a compound Michael scribbles out on the whiteboard in the bunker triggers an idea, and she’s scrambling to record it before it floats out of her mind. Michael’s right there with her, mind spinning as fast as hers, as they build on each other’s work, and she decides the conversation can wait for another day. She’s unwilling to lose that momentum, hoping beyond hope that this idea brings them one step closer to bringing Max back to her.

“You know I’ve been thinking about what you said.” Liz remarks one afternoon a week later when they are back in the bunker testing the 342nd version of the serum they hope will boost Michael and Isobel’s powers.

“That sounds like a bad idea. What did I say?”

“About love being the worst thing to happen to all of us.”

“Aw Liz,” Michael starts, sounding remorseful, likely remembering that these comments triggered a crying fit, “forget it, please. You know sometimes I put my foot in my mouth. I didn’t mean to like, make you cry or whatever.”

“No, I mean, the thing is, what you said, it made sense to me. The logical part of my brain still kind of agrees with you. You know the whole time I was away I tried to keep all emotions at arms length. For so long after Rosa’s death, I couldn’t imagine feeling anything but grief and loss, so I tried not to feel anything at all. When I finally thought I was ready to let people into my life again, I think still unconsciously I was afraid to let anyone close that I could actually love. I tried to apply logic to relationships, pick someone I had things in common with, who had the attributes I thought I was looking for, someone that made sense for me. If it stopped making sense, I could always walk away, because I hadn’t actually invested myself emotionally. It was safe, and easy, and it didn’t hurt. When I found someone who checked every box, who seemed perfect for me, and seemed to love me so much, but I still didn’t feel anything, I knew something was missing. I did what I’m good at and ran away, back to Roswell, not knowing what I was even looking for. I didn’t know what was missing until I saw your brother again. Ten years apart, without a word spoken between us, and still when his eyes met mine, I felt more than I’d felt when Diego proposed. And even though he hurt me, even though he was a part of the worst thing that ever happened to me, and even now when I miss him so much it feels like my heart is ripped in two, I could never regret it.”

She’s a little embarrassed to feel tears pool behind her eyes again, but she wills them not to fall, composing herself before looking back to Michael, half-expecting him to be engrossed in his work ignoring her monologue. Michael never struck her as particularly sentimental, so she’s surprised to find him staring at her, expression inscrutable. She’s even more surprised when after a long moment he quietly asks, “Didn’t it ever just feel like too much to overcome? I mean especially before we knew about Noah, didn’t you ever just feel like it would be easier to try to start over with someone where you didn’t have all that baggage?”

She instinctively recoils at the idea that she could ever cast Max aside, but a memory flashes through her mind of pushing Max, shouting that she never wanted to see him again.

“Yeah,” she admits, “I did feel that way right after I learned about Rosa. I pushed Max away, and threw myself into working on that first serum. I thought I needed to protect myself from him… and you and Isobel too, I guess. But once the initial anger faded, I realized that Rosa’s death wasn’t the only reason I was pushing him away. The serum could never protect me against the thing I was really afraid of. Max’s love for me was so intense, and the idea of letting myself love him back, that was terrifying for me, especially after shutting down my feelings for so long. I didn’t know what to do with the way Max felt about me. Part of me wanted it, and part of me was so scared to let him all the way in. My mom leaving, Rosa dying, those things scarred me. I was afraid they broke me. I wasn’t sure I could love Max the way he loved me, I wasn’t sure I was brave enough to risk getting hurt. But when I finally surrendered to it, it was the best feeling. Loving him felt, it feels, like teetering on the edge of a cliff. It’s scary, terrifying even, but nothing else could compare.” She’s lost again in her memories, and forgets for a minute that Michael is even there. When she looks back at him, he seems similarly lost in thought.

Michael’s silent for so long that Liz assumes he’s reached his capacity for feelings talk for the day, and focuses back on her work. A few minutes later, Michael surprises her yet again by picking the conversation back up. “Feeling like you’re teetering on the edge of a cliff is a good feeling to you, Ortecho? I don’t know. Easy and safe seems preferable to courting death. Risking a crash landing.”

Liz lets out a laugh before she can stop herself. A flash of hurt crosses Michael’s face and she hurriedly reassures him, “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you, it’s just everything you’re saying sounds just like me from a year ago. That’s exactly what I thought I wanted. And if it were enough for me, I’d have stayed with Diego, or hell, I would’ve made a go of it with Kyle.” She ignores Michael’s mumbled “that fucking guy.” Someday she’ll find out what exactly it is that’s kept that grudge burning for ten years, but now’s not the time. “But like I told you, with Diego, something was missing. Even though he seemed perfect, I couldn’t connect to him. And with Kyle... well, I adore Kyle. I feel safe with him. He’s a good, kind, person, and,” she adds, mostly to annoy Michael, “we have good sex.” She’s rewarded with the disgusted grimace she’s expecting. “But reconnecting with Max, even when I knew he was hiding something from me and I couldn’t trust him, there was something, a pull so strong between us, it almost felt fated. It was exhilarating and scary and wonderful and so powerful, I just...I don’t know...after feeling that, I don’t think I’d be able to feel fulfilled with safe and comfortable.”

“Well, then,” Michael responds, a softness in his tone she’s rarely heard from him. “In that case I guess we better get back to work. Bring him back to you.” Liz shoots him a grateful smile, and returns to examining the sample under her microscope, hope renewed with the reminder of exactly what it is she’s fighting for.

“Ortecho, what the hell are you doing?!” Liz hears Michael clamber down the ladder into the bunker, but she doesn’t pause to even look up at him as she adds her new serum to a sample of Max’s blood. She can’t afford to be distracted right now, so if Michael’s not here to help, which he doesn’t sound like he is, she has no reservations about kicking him out of his own bunker. He continues his tirade as soon as he reaches the ground. “This is a secret lair because I keep the damn door closed and hidden. How the hell did you even move the Airstream to get down here?”

“You were at Maria’s but you left your keys in your truck. I’m an expert now, ever since I moved it to save you and Max that time.” She answers, still not looking up from her work, measuring out a new solution with a different concentration until she can get the ratio just right.

“Speaking of my brother, why are you here at the ass crack of dawn instead of curled up with him, listening to him recite poetry about your eyes or whatever the fuck it is you guys do together. He’s barely been back two days, you can’t be sick of him already.” She finally looks up as he plucks the beaker out of her hand. She grabs for it, but he lifts it out of reach. “You do remember that we already perfected the serum, right? You and me, geniuses that we are, figured it out. Iz and I brought Max back? Any of this ringing any bells?” He’s kept his tone light, but she can see the lines of concern on his face as he studies her. There’s obviously a part of him that thinks she may have lost her mind a bit after weeks and months of stress.

“I know that,” she retorts sharply, snatching the beaker back as soon as he lets his guard down slightly. “This is a new thing I’m working on.” She turns pointedly away from him, drawing up 2 ml of the solution she just mixed into a pipette and adding it to a new sample of Max’s blood on the next slide she has lined up on the table. She labels it carefully with the proportions of the new mixture and the number 8. She hears a resigned sigh from Michael and the telltale scraping as he telekinetically moves the Airstream over the manhole cover.

“Alright,” Michael says placatingly, like one might talk to a small child. “What are you working on then that’s so important it dragged you here before dawn. Maybe I can help?”

Liz pauses for a moment. Rationally, she knows she needs his help. Over the last frenzied hours of work she’s not entirely sure anything she’s done makes sense. Pure panic isn’t the best motivator in scientific endeavors, so having Michael check her work might be worth how pissed he’s likely to get when she explains what she’s working on.

“I’m trying to make a serum that will, I don’t know, regulate alien abilities.” She looks pointedly at the floor rather than at Michael, anticipating the explosion that comes a moment later.

“Regulate? You mean mute right? Didn’t you learn your lesson after almost killing Isobel? Jesus Liz, I thought you were off this, why are you trying to take our powers away, again? What the fu--”

“You were right.” The interruption pulls Michael up short. He pauses his tirade and just looks at her expectantly. “Max got himself killed because of loving me so much. But not just that, it was the guilt too. He told me last night that he did it for us, and that he’d do it again, because without Rosa back he didn’t think I could ever truly forgive him for his part in what happened to her. He didn’t want to tear us apart.”

Her explanation seems to have doused his anger. His face has softened, and he looks at her quizzically. “Well...was he right? It’s not like you don’t have reasons to resent him...us.”

“No!” Her shout reverberates through the bunker. “I really did forgive him, even before I knew it wasn’t really Isobel. I forgave him. I thought he knew that. I thought I told him that? I did, didn’t I? I don’t know, I’m not as good at putting my feelings into words as he is, you know?”

“Heh,” Michael scoffs. “I feel like that’s all you do with me. Every time we’re in this bunker you’re going on and on about your feelings.”

Liz is too wound up to even be insulted. “I know! It’s weird. Why can I say all this stuff to you, when half of it I never said to him? I never even told him I loved him before he died, did you know that?” She doesn’t pause to hear his answer. “He told me of course. Dozens of times. Told me he loved me his entire life right after I accused him of killing my sister. It’s like these things just spill out of him, you know? It seems to come so easily to him, but for me it can be a lot.” At Michael’s furrowed brow she adds, “It’s wonderful, it is, but sometimes it’s overwhelming. He’s a goddamn poet, and he just spews these pretty speeches that are so honest, and beautiful, and raw. Like a punch to the gut sometimes, and I… I don’t always know what to do with them. I can’t always respond in the moment. I need time to fight that instinct to run that’s always there right under the surface. I need a minute to regroup and actually evaluate how I feel before I can tell him. Because I do love him, I think I loved him the whole damn time, and I tried to show him, even before I could tell him, but I obviously didn’t do a good enough job.”

Her words are coming fast now, and she’s sure she’s barely coherent, but she can’t stop. “He didn’t feel how much I loved him and he didn’t believe I forgave him, and because of that I lost him. I’m so goddamn grateful to have Rosa back, but how could he not know that anything that would heal in me would be torn apart if I’d lost him for good? How could he possibly think I’d want him to sacrifice himself? And then for him to look me in the eye, mere hours after I got him back, and say he’d do it again! How am I supposed to live with that? I can’t lose him again, I won’t survive it. But I can’t seem to make him understand how much he’d be hurting me if he sacrificed himself. So I need to make something… a serum, anything, that won’t allow him to drain his life force like that again. So that I have time. To find the right words. To make him understand.”

A tentative hand on her shoulder finally pulls her out of the spiral and cuts off her torrent of words. Michael lets out a surprised grunt when she turns into his touch and buries her face in his shoulder and sobs. After a moment she feels Michael’s hand in her hair, moving in comforting, even strokes. In a moment the adrenaline that’s been propelling her since she snuck out of Max’s bed at 1 am dissipates, leaving in its place only exhaustion, causing her to sink further into Michael’s grip. He senses her fatigue and leads her over to a low table in the corner. Liz sits and leans heavily on Michael, exhausted now, both from lack of sleep last night and stress.

“Careful. It was one thing for us to cuddle like this when Max was in the pod, but we’ve established that Max isn’t always rational when it comes to you. Wouldn’t want him to bust in here and punch me out in a jealous rage.” Liz chokes out a laugh at the idea of anyone mistaking their bromance for something romantic. Michael continues, adopting a more earnest tone. “But seriously. I know being in love with a stubborn, self-sacrificing, idiot who thinks he knows how best to protect you is a tough road, but from everything you’ve told me, it sounds like it’s one your stuck with.” Incapable of being serious for too long, Michael adds, “If you’re not planning to ditch him for me that is.”

“Hmm, yeah that seems like a level of drama I’m not remotely interested in. Even if I was capable as seeing you as anything other than an annoying little brother.” Liz retorts, reaching up to ruffle his hair.

“As I am constantly telling Isobel, WE ARE THE SAME AGE!” Michael exclaims, as he knocks her hand away. “And since I seem to be always in the position of comforting you and am about to offer you some sage advice, I should at least be considered an annoying older brother.” There’s a note of sarcasm in his tone, but behind it she senses a softness, like he’s touched that she’d refer to him as family even in jest.

“You are going to offer me sage advice?”

“Yup. It’s going to be groundbreaking and ingenious.” Liz gestures for him to continue, trying to keep the look of doubt off her face.

“Ok, here it goes…. You should talk to him.”

“That’s it? That’s your brilliant advice? I should talk to him? I’ve tried! Clearly I haven’t done a good enough job if he still doesn’t understand that him dying for me wouldn’t be doing me any favors!”

“Make him understand. Try talking to him in his language, read some poetry about how your soul fits with his or some shit. Or just ramble at him like you did at me just now.” Michael sighs heavily, before speaking again. “Though I am loathe to admit it, Max and I do have some similarities, and our tendency to act rashly to protect the people we love is one of them.” A flash of indecision crosses Michael’s face, but after another deep breath he forges on. “Just before Max died, I nearly got myself killed. The only thing that saved me was being forced to confront that me dying would hurt and even endanger someone that I lo-...cared about. I’ve been on the other side too, of having someone put themselves in danger for me, and I know that helplessness and fear can eat away at you.”

Liz can tell from the set of his jaw that Michael has provided exactly as many details as he intends to share, so even though curiosity burns through her, she doesn’t bother asking for further explanation, but rather waits patiently for him to continue.

“I didn’t have the opportunity to make them see that protecting me wasn’t worth it if they put themselves at risk. But you do. You can make Max understand how much it would hurt you, for him to risk himself. Hurting you is the last thing he wants. So yeah, my profound piece of wisdom is to talk to him. Better that than fucking around with an alien muting serum that might kill us all.” He tosses a smile her way at the last part, but she knows he’s covering some real fear. He consented to help with experiments first to save Isobel and then Max, but the ingrained fear of experimentation and dissection has never left him. She imagines it’s only gotten worse since Caufield. Michael hasn’t shared any details, but Kyle gave her a basic outline, with a haunted look she hoped to never see on his face again. After a moment of hesitation, Liz sweeps her slides off the table into the trash. The look of total relief that crosses Michael’s face removes any remaining doubt that she made the right call.

“I was doubtful at first, but that actually was pretty good advice. I think I’ll take it.” She leans up and presses a kiss on his cheek, before making her way over to the ladder to exit the bunker. Michael acquiesces to her silent request, and shifts the airstream and opens the manhole cover to allow her to exit. As she climbs up towards the light, she can’t resist tossing over her shoulder, “Sorry, though, despite your infinite wisdom, you still seem like a little brother to me!”

It’s unseasonably warm for early March, the temperature reaching the mid-sixties for the first time and she’s determined to enjoy it. Liz reclines on the blanket she and Rosa dragged up to the roof of the Crashdown, as Rosa starts on painting the big toe or her second foot with a new color of nail polish. Luckily close toed shoes are required in the lab of her new job, otherwise she’d look like a lunatic with toenails painted three different colors. Alanis Morisette’s “You’ll Learn” that’s been crooning through the small Bluetooth speakers Liz bought Rosa for her first birthday since coming back is interrupted by Liz’s blaring ringtone. She quickly ignores the call without looking. Today is for her and Rosa to reconnect.

She’s barely seen Rosa since Max was resurrected a week ago, and though her sister assures her she doesn't need constant babysitting, Liz still feels guilty ignoring her sister in favor of a boy. But today Max and Isobel are spending the day with their parents. In part because Max missed them, but mostly so Isobel can influence them in believing that Max spent the last three months searching for Noah to make him sign divorce papers from Isobel. It’s the cover story they finally settled on, though Liz privately found Michael’s suggestion that they tell everyone that Max had been Eat, Pray, Loving his way around Europe trying to write a novel to be pretty funny. In the end, this fell in line with the story Isobel told her parents and everyone else that Noah had been under investigation by the SEC for embezzling money and gone on the run, leaving her behind. Isobel was the one who pointed out that their parents would never believe that Max would abandon her while she was heartbroken over her husband’s betrayal.

Though she tried to cover it, Liz caught the bitterness in her tone, suggesting that, regardless of what she might tell Max, she still feels that’s exactly what he did. Sometimes Liz feels like during the time Max was gone and in the week since his resurrection she’s been letting everyone down. She knows she can get single-minded when working on something, and it not only prevented her from being as present for Rosa as she should’ve, but also kept her from being there for Isobel, and god, she’s barely seen Maria in weeks. She sends up a silent thanks for Kyle and Alex, who have stepped in where she failed. Kyle taking his new brotherly role seriously and helping Rosa with anything she needs, and Alex, the only person she knows who could unflinchingly face Isobel’s prickly snark. He’s helped her channel her rage into self defense classes, which Liz privately believes is the only reason Isobel didn’t blow out all the glass within a 10 mile radius of Roswell in the weeks after their first failed attempt to bring Max back.

Liz tries to shake off the guilt. Her berating herself for the past won’t help anyone, and instead she knows she should focus on the future. Now that Max is back, and some semblance of normal has returned to their lives, she can refocus on her sister and her other friends. She’s just about to ask Rosa what she wants to do for dinner tonight, when the music is again interrupted by the harsh sound of her ringtone. She sighs and checks the Caller ID to see Maria’s smiling face flash across the screen. Liz frowns. She’d invited Maria to come hang out with her and Rosa today, but she’d begged off, explaining that the bar was short-handed right now, and she had to work open to close.

Liz pauses the music and answers the phone on speaker. “Thank God, Liz.” The worry in Maria’s voice is evident even over the loud din of the Saturday afternoon crowd at the Pony. “I’m sorry to bother you, I know you’re spending the day with Rosa, but I can’t get anyone else. Max and Isobel both have their phones off. I even called Kyle first but he’s at the hospital until 4.” Liz’s heart starts pounding, wondering what could be wrong now. She’d been so hopeful that they could go just a few days without an emergency. “I need you to come get Michael. He’s drunk.”

Liz lets out a relieved sigh. It’s not great, but on the new scale she’s developed for levels of crises, this barely registers. “Ok… That’s not exactly unusual. I mean he’s been a lot better recently, but maybe he’s just blowing off some steam. Can’t he just sleep it off in your apartment upstairs?”

“No, this is different Liz. He’s a mess. I tried to get him to go sleep it off, but I think he just kept drinking upstairs before wandering back down here. He’s sloppy and I can tell he’s spoiling for a fight.” Maria’s voice is tight with irritation. “I haven’t seen him like this since right after Max… you know.”

Yeah, Liz does know. The first week after Max died, Michael, Isobel, and Liz all grieved in their own ways. Liz with endless tears and a laser-like focus on finding a way to bring Max back. Isobel with rage and exploding everything within range of her new telekinesis. And Michael grieved by falling back into old habits, drinking and getting into fights at the Wild Pony. They were all enough of a mess that it necessitated finally letting Maria in on the secret, if only for reinforcement from someone who wasn’t completely traumatized. But eventually Michael had pulled himself together. He’d helped Liz with the serum, cut back on his alcohol consumption, and even managed not to completely sabotage his burgeoning relationship with Maria, though Liz realizes she really doesn’t have much of a clue about how that’s been going. Despite all her time spent with Michael, it’s not something they’ve talked about at all. She might not know much, but one thing seems evident now: if she doesn’t do something, Michael’s likely to wake up in a jail cell and single.

She looks regretfully at Rosa for a minute before sighing resignedly. “Do you need me to come get him out of there?”

The answer comes immediately. “Yes. I really am sorry, Liz. I know you were gonna spend the day with Rosa, but with us understaffed here and being up half the night because my mom somehow managed to walk out of the nursing home for a little nighttime stroll again, I just really don’t have the capacity to deal with another person in my life who rambles incoherently and has a penchant for attracting trouble.”

Liz’s heart twists painfully. Maria is always such a calming and supportive presence it’s easy for her to forget how much Maria has on her own plate. “Of course, babe. I’ll be there in 10 to take him off your hands.”

She turns to Rosa with an apology in her eyes, but Rosa waves her off. “Go, go, manita. I heard. Drunken alien in crisis. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m guessing you don’t want to come?” Rosa’s still a little wary around any of the aliens, though for the past week she’s put up with Max for Liz’s sake.

“Hmm, pass. I’ve experienced enough drunken spirals myself. No need to bear witness to someone else’s. I’ve got my art supplies up here. Maybe I’ll update some of my graffiti for old times sake. I’m feeling all nostalgic today. Now get out of here.” Rosa gives Liz a playful shove, and Liz reluctantly makes her way inside.

When she enters the Pony eight minutes later, she catches sight of of Michael immediately. He’s slumped over the bar staring at Maria beseechingly, while Maria shakes her head and yanks the bottle he’d likely stolen from behind the bar out of his hand. Her exasperation transitions to relief when Maria’s gaze falls on Liz as she makes her way over to the bar. “Tag, you’re it,” Maria greets her with a tired half-smile. Liz slides into the chair next to Michael, drawing his attention for the first time.

“Liz,” Michael slurs, “here to have a drink with me?”

“Nope, here to drag your ass out of here before Maria runs out of patience.” Michael’s gaze flickers from Liz’s face to Maria’s and back again. Whatever he sees there seems to convince him that leaving without a fight is his best option. Maybe he can tell that Maria truly is at the end of her rope.

“Fine,” he acquiesces, “I’ve got booze at home too.” Liz has no intention of letting him get drunker, but her mission now is to get him out of the Pony, so she says nothing as she drags him out the door. She snags his keys from his pocket and leads him to his truck, figuring she can get Rosa to pick her up later and bring her back to her car if need be. Michael is strangely compliant about getting in the truck, barely even reacting when Liz insists he buckle his seatbelt before she’ll start driving. He’s quiet on the drive over, leaning his head on the window and staring off into space. Liz hopes he’ll pass out quickly when she gets him back to the Airstream. They can talk tomorrow about whatever motivated this round of day drinking.

Unfortunately, when they pull into the junkyard he seems to reanimate and he’s out of the truck and pushing the Airstream out of the way with his mind before she’s even parked. He’s halfway down the ladder into the bunker by the time she climbs out of the truck herself, and she has no choice but to follow him down, wondering if he’s making a beeline for an acetone stash down there. But when she follows him down the ladder she doesn’t find him guzzling acetone or even booze, rather she sees for the first time what he so carefully protected under the cover on the far table. It’s clearly alien in nature, as it has an otherworldly glow. Best she can figure it’s some kind of alien electronic or vehicle. She can’t quite tell, but it’s obviously important enough for Michael to have kept hidden.

Liz watches him pull a large shard of purple glass, and float it towards the rest. She gasps in awe as it knits itself together with the other pieces. The object looks like it may be complete now. She expects to see triumph on Michael’s face. He’s obviously been building this for years, and putting in the last piece should bring him satisfaction, but if anything, he looks bereft. He stares for a long moment before tugging the cover back over the object and sinking onto one of the cots they’d eventually set up in the bunker after falling asleep with their heads bent over a table one too many times when working to bring Max back. She sits down next to him, waiting for him to say something.

After a moment, he obliges. “Well, now you know my big secret, I guess.”

“I mean...not really. What is it?”

“I think it’s the console from the ship. If I attach it to a vehicle, I might be able to find our home planet.”

Liz gapes at him silently for a moment, taking in the meaning of his words. “You’re trying to leave the planet?” Her voice cracks as she imagines Roswell without Michael here. In the past six months he’s become such an important person to her. The only one who understands how focused she can gets into a project in the lab. The only one who craves answers with the same intensity she does. And weirdly, the easiest person to talk to about whatever chaotic feelings are swirling through her at any given moment. She doesn’t know how to verbalize that to him, and he doesn’t seem open to hearing it, as his face is closed off when she looks back at him.

“Yeah, so? People leave. You left.” His tone is sharply accusatory, which puts her on the defensive.

“Right, and who influenced me into doing that?”

“Bullshit. You told Max you were glad Isobel made you leave. And Isobel can’t influence someone into doing something they don’t want to do in the first place. You told me once that you loved Max the whole time. Since we were 17. If that were really true, how could you want to leave him?”

The stark pain in his face softens her initial pique at being called out. She considers how to answer him honestly. It’s not something she’s ever tried to put into words before. “I do believe I loved Max, even at 17. And if Rosa hadn’t died, maybe I would’ve been with him then. Maybe we’d have gone on that road trip, and figured out how to be in the same place the next year. But maybe not. I’ll never know who I would’ve been if Rosa hadn’t died. But losing her, it forced me to acknowledge that I didn’t know who I was without her. Since I was young, what I did, who I was, was shaped by either trying to be like her, or trying to be the opposite of her, depending on the trait. Without her, there was emptiness. I didn’t have a foil. She was the sun, to my moon, without her, I was only darkness. When she died, I wasn’t sure which of two instincts to follow. The instinct I’ve always had to run, a not so favorable trait I might’ve gotten from my mom, and the instinct to hide. Maybe if Isobel hadn’t influenced me, I would’ve chosen to hide in Max. Maybe I would’ve clung to him to try to replace what I’ve lost. But if I did that, I don’t think it would’ve worked out in the long run.”

She pauses to think about how to make him understand how she can be both glad to have had the experiences she had the ten years away, and sad or regretful that she’d left Max behind to do so. “When I say I wanted to leave, and that in some ways I’m glad I did, it’s because it forced me to figure out how to be strong. How to be independent, and make my own way through the world, without being so scared of being imperfect. I may have swayed too far in the other direction, cutting myself off and not letting myself be close to anyone, but it did turn me into a person that could come back here, and after some trial and error, eventually accept Max’s love on my own terms, easily, not as an escape, but as a choice. And maybe there could’ve been a better way. A way to do both, find my strength without leaving. But I was a scared 17 year old, who had just been through a major trauma, and I did the best I could. Max told me once that since my mom left and I lost Rosa, it's easy to understand why I always try to leave before I can be left. And I think that’s true. But we’ve made our way back to each other, and though sometimes I still have the instinct to run, he supports me in fighting it. I told him if I ever lose the battle and run away, I want him to follow me. I know I hurt him in the past, but we love each other. And we are making the decision to be together, despite all the mistakes we’ve both made in the past. And that has to be enough.”

Michael just nods at her, which she takes to mean he’s found her answer acceptable. After all this time, she’s come to accept that their conversations will always be relatively lopsided. Her rambling on about whatever comes into his head, him asking vague, inscrutable questions that hint at a deeper meaning, and never offering an explanation. He surprises her by stretching out on the cot and dropping his head in her lap. They do have a tactile friendship, she supposes, though he has only initiated contact in the past as a means of comfort during the embarrassing number of times she broke down about Max in this very bunker. Perhaps it’s his lowered inhibitions due to the alcohol, or the trust she likes to think they’ve built that lets him feel comfortable enough in this moment to seek comfort for himself.

Unsure if it will be welcome, but wanting to reciprocate the gesture, she cards her fingers through his hair. He leans into her touch like a cat, so she guesses he’s ok with it. She continues stroking his hair, wondering if he will ever respond, or just drift off. After a few minutes, he speaks up so quietly she’s not sure at first if he means to be talking out loud, “I guess I understand why you’d be tempted to leave before getting left. If I could’ve, I might have done the same. Getting left sucks.” Liz knows abandonment was an all too common theme in Michael’s life. She understands why having a project where he could imagine a way home might sustain him. But now that they know that home is a war torn planet, the idea of him risking everything to go where there might be nothing waiting for him is unbearably sad.

“Yeah it does. But sometimes people come back. Please don’t go anywhere where you might not be able to. What would Max, Isobel, and I do without you?” She thinks about including Maria in this list, but with the exasperation she just witnessed, and the fact that Michael has never mentioned their relationship to her, but hasn’t exactly been the voice of optimism when he talks about love, she doesn’t know if including her would hurt or help the situation.

“You’d have each other. After a while, you wouldn’t even notice I was gone.”

Liz shook her head vigorously. She first thinks about cracking a joke, but Michael has a vulnerability on his face she’s never seen before, so she opts for the truth. “Yes, we would. Max and Isobel are your family, Michael, They love you. I know you and Max have trouble actually talking to each other, but he talks to me. He tells me how grateful he is to you for helping bring him back, how much he cares about you, how he wishes he could fix things between you. And you are family to me, too. I would not have made it through the months when Max was gone without you. I would have just wallowed in my grief. You listened to me, you held me when I cried, and your brilliant mind made it possible to bring Max back. Michael, there are people that need you here, including me, ok?”

Liz thinks her words have sunk into at least a little, as Michael’s eyes look a little wet. He rolls over so he’s facing away from her, but doesn’t move his head from her lap. He sighs, “It was a childish pipe dream anyways. Don’t worry, Ortecho, I won’t leave you here. Besides, what happens the next time a serum cure is needed? You can’t be trusted alone not to accidentally poison someone, so I guess I’ve got to stick around.” It’s practically a declaration of friendship coming from Michael, so she ignores the dig, and continues stroking Michael’s hair as he burrows closer to her.

She decides to take a risk and ask, “So, do you want to tell me what made you decide to go on a bender today?”

“What, I need a reason to go on a bender? Isn’t this just par for the course for me: a drunken criminal?”

“No, Michael, it is not. Not usually. Except when something really upsets you. You always listen to me ramble, so why don’t you let me return the favor for once?”

“Nothing new. Just got reminded of what it feels like to get left behind, and it fucked with me for a minute. I’ll be fine tomorrow. Just a bad day, ok? Don’t wanna talk about it.” His eyes flicker closed and his breath slows. Liz decides to leave it alone for the day and let him sleep for a bit. She closes her eyes too and drifts off, leaning her head back against the wall.

Pain in her legs wakes her, and she realizes she must’ve fallen asleep. Michael appears to still be resting peacefully, though she realizes belatedly that she forgot to make him drink water so he’s sure to have a hell of a hangover the next day. She checks her phone and sees it’s nearly 7 pm. She hates to leave Michael here, knowing the cot is not comfortable, and he’ll likely feel like crap when he wakes up. She shakes him, but he doesn’t so much as stir. She can’t get him up the ladder without help, and Max and Isobel have planned to stay at their parent’s house tonight to make sure the influencing was successful. Maria’s still working, and she doesn’t think calling her would exactly help their potentially floundering relationship. She realizes Kyle is off work now, so he’s probably her best option. Guerin may hate him, but he’s not conscious enough to object, so he can deal. She slides Michael’s head off her lap and onto a pillow and climbs out of the bunker, thankful Michael was too drunk to remember to move the Airstream back over the entrance. She walks towards the entrance until she has a good signal.

Kyle answers after three rings, “What’s up, Liz?” She hears the sound of Kyle’s footsteps followed by a door closing. She wonders if she interrupted a date. Kyle obviously wouldn’t want a girl he’s seeing to overhear him talking to an ex-girlfriend, but he’s too conscientious and primed for a crisis to ignore her call even when he should. She thinks about telling him to forget it, but she really doesn’t want to leave Michael in the bunker for the night. If Kyle says no, she’ll figure something else out.

“I was hoping for your help with a little situation I’ve got going on.”

“Is Rosa ok?” Kyle asks immediately. Once she reassures him, his tone lightens, and he quips, “In that case, I’m gonna need a few details, Ortecho. With you it could be literally anything.”

“So, Michael was a bit over-served, and is passed out in his bunker. I’m not quite buff enough to move him to his bed. Any chance you’re free to help?” She’s not above a bribe, so she adds, “There are free fries in it for you if you do.”

“To help Guerin? Yeah, not today, Liz.” Liz is surprised to hear a bite to his tone. She’d always been under the impression that the animosity was one-sided. Kyle is usually tolerant of Michael’s antics and seemed to brush off his constant snarking in the past, so this attitude is new. She hears a heavy sigh, and when Kyle speaks again, he sounds more like himself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. But I really can’t help. I’m a little tied up out here at the cabin with Alex. He’s also been a little...over-served as well. Today’s a tough day for him, two years since the explosion that took his leg, and then he and Guerin got into it this morning.I don’t know all the details, but suffice to say, it wasn’t good, as it seems to have led them both to the bottom of a bottle. So I’m not exactly feeling charitable towards Michael right now. But if you really can’t find anyone else, I can swing by once I get Alex settled, but I’m not sure when that’ll be. Sorry.”

Liz isn’t sure she even says goodbye before she hangs up the phone. She’s rooted to the spot as she replays every conversation she and Michael have had over the past months and starts to see them in a new light. Fuck. It’s always about Alex with Michael. She doesn’t know how she hadn’t seen it before. She’d known from Maria that they’d had something in high school, but from Maria’s description it had seemed like it might’ve mostly one-sided, or maybe that’s what Maria wanted to believe.

After Michael and Maria started doing whatever it is they are doing, she’d checked in with Alex once, but he’d refused to give any details and waved off her concern. And she’d let him. There had been so many other things to focus on that she honestly hadn’t wanted to get wrapped up in any love triangle nonsense between three of her closest friends. Maybe that’s how she let every seemingly obvious clue pass her by. It’s now abundantly clear that every time Michael talks about love it’s Alex he’s thinking of. And if Maria’s reading of him a few months ago was accurate, and her readings usually are, then Alex is in love with Michael too. Fuck. She doesn’t entirely blame Michael for trying to move forward with Maria. It’s obvious he and Alex have had their share of pain. Something that made him feel like love was the worst thing that happened to him. And with so much other trauma piled on, she gets why he might try for something else, something, what did he say months ago? something easy and safe. But it seems clear that won’t work for him in the long run any more than it would work for her. And it seems inevitable that in addition to complicating all of her friendships, it has the potential to break Maria’s heart. Fuck.

Her pragmatism returns, and she acknowledges there's nothing she can do today to halt this impending trainwreck. She returns to the bunker, and shakes Michael awake roughly, feeling somewhat less charitable than she had earlier. With her help he’s able to make it up the ladder, into his Airstream and into bed. Her better angels do eventually prevail and she entreats him to drink water before sleeping and even places some water and a small bottle of acetone next to his bed for when he awakes, before calling Rosa to pick her up. Tonight she wants to have dinner with her sister. Untangling the complex love lives of her friends can wait for another day.

“You here to yell at me?”

“For leaving the door to your secret lair exposed? No. You’re the one who has a stick up their ass about that.” She lowers herself down the last rung of the ladder and flashes Michael a sad smile. “Or for breaking up with Maria last night? Also no.” A look of relief flashes across his face. Despite her telling him on many occasions that she considers him family, she can tell Michael thought ending his relationship with Maria might cost him her friendship.

“I thought you’d be with her now. Drinking tequila and bitching about what an asshole I am. Isn’t that what girls do?”

“Well I was there,” Liz admits. “And full disclosure, I may have had more than a little tequila.” At his worried look, she adds, “Don’t worry, your brother dropped me here and will pick me up. He’s on patrol tonight, but it’s been slow. Anyways, I was there and so was Isobel for some reason, and after a bit Isobel declared that me and my ‘stupidly coupled-up face’ were no longer welcome there.” Michael arches an eyebrow in disbelief and Liz raises her hand, indicating her own bewilderment. “I know. It was a little surprising coming from her, but she’d had even more tequila than I had, so she was a little less poised than usual. Anyway, she said the rest of the party was only for the recently dumped or widowed, and Maria seemed to be finding Isobel’s antics amusing, so I left. I figured with Max on duty and Isobel with Maria, that maybe you could use a friend.” Liz hopes there will come a time when Michael doesn’t look so astonished at someone caring about him.

Liz leans against the table facing him and asks gently, “You want to tell me what went wrong? Everything seemed fine at dinner last night.” In truth, the double date had been painfully awkward, at least for her. In the week since she’d put Michael to bed after his Alex-inspired day drinking, she’d wrestled with what to do. It felt like she might be the only person with all the relevant information, but wasn’t sure how much interfering, if any, was appropriate. There didn’t seem to be a solution that wouldn’t end in broken friendships and broken hearts, so she’d done nothing. When Max, in an effort to normalize things and improve his relationship with his brother had arranged a double date with Michael and Maria, she’d nearly forced him to cancel, unsure of how she could sit across the table from them, knowing that Maria wasn’t who Michael thought about when he talked about love. But in the end she’d gone, and it had been largely uneventful. Still, she can’t pretend she wasn’t a little relieved when Maria called her this morning and told her Michael had broken up with her a few hours after their date. It took the decision out of her hand, and though Maria was sad, she didn’t seem destroyed. More wistful that the potential she thought was there never really came to fruition and regretful that the relationship had strained her friendship with Alex, who she admitted was unfailingly polite to her these days but couldn’t look her directly in the eye. Liz privately thought it was likely to get worse before it got better, but she still had hope that one day in the future they’d all be friends again like when they were younger.

“It was,” Michael finally speaks. “Fine, I mean. It always was, with the exception of the few times I got obnoxiously drunk. Happy sometimes, comfortable, safe.” After a long moment he lets out a breath like he always does before venturing into topics that make him feel vulnerable. “But seeing you and Max together last night, remembering all the things you’ve said about the way you’ve worked through your shit, and how you feel when you’re with him… well I had to face a fact I’ve been avoiding for a while. As much as I adore Maria, and god, I really do...” The sincerity shines through on his face, and the small amount of anger she’d been carrying on her way over here dissipates entirely. “Despite that, safe and comfortable isn’t what I want. Just like you said to me when we were trying to bring Max back, when you’ve had something that feels fated,” he smiles ruefully, “something cosmic. Well, safe and comfortable just isn’t enough.” His smile fades and his mood turns dark. “I’m just sorry I hurt Maria in figuring that out.”

Liz pats his arm reassuringly. “It wasn’t great. But I do think she’ll get past it eventually.” Liz considers for a moment, before deciding she has to ask. They can’t keep talking around it forever. “So are we gonna talk about Alex, now or what?”

Off Michael’s surprised look, Liz continues, “I mean, he is who you mean when you talk about fated and cosmic, right?”

Michael looks guilty and a little embarrassed at the same time. “You know about that, huh? From Alex?” Liz shakes her head. “Figures. Maria then? I guess girls do talk.”

“Are you upset? Did you not want me to know?”

Michael looks conflicted, like he’s not quite sure how to answer. “I’ve never really cared if people knew, that was more Alex’s thing than mine. I just wish...I don’t know...I wish I had some control over it. That I got to tell people on my own terms. Not about Alex, even, but about me, I guess. Maybe it’s dumb, it shouldn’t matter, I’m not ashamed of it. But Max apparently knew for years and never even said anything until I made him angry enough to snap. I still don’t know for sure how Maria found out, and then with you, at first I assumed you knew: that Alex or Maria had told you, but you never said anything, so.” He shrugs. “I don’t know. it’s water under the bridge now.”

“No, Michael. It’s not dumb, you’re right. I’m sorry for how everything happened, and I’m sorry for being so wrapped up in everything else that I didn’t try to talk to you about it until now.” Maybe it’s because she’s never had to think about it, but it hadn’t even occurred to her until this moment that Maria had essentially outed Michael to her, and it sounds like it wasn’t the first time that happened to him. She knew it wasn’t malicious, neither she nor Maria had an issue with bisexuality, and had been focused only on the issues raised by the fact that it was Alex, but of course there were added layers. Alex always played things close to the chest, even as a kid, so she hadn’t thought too hard about why he didn’t share details about his high school crush or subsequent relationships. But she realizes now that it wasn’t just Alex being private, it’s that it wasn’t his decision to make. Sharing details could always mean outing someone. And given that Alex hadn’t ever really had a choice about coming out himself, since by the time high school rolled around, he was in a glass closet at best, he would be particularly sensitive about outing someone else. With the choice taken away from Michael, she thinks he at least deserves not to have some details. “Just so you don’t have to wonder, my understanding is that Maria did find out from Alex, but he didn’t actually tell her. You know how she is, she read him the day after we got back from Texas. It’s pretty hard to lie to a psychic. Maria confided in me later when she was trying to work out her feelings. I know it doesn’t make it ok, but she was really just trying to give me context.”

Michael shrugs. “Like I said, it is what it is. I’m not angry that you know.”

“So, do you want to talk about it? I know you had something in high school, but I thought that was all it was until recently. When I put together a few things about the conversations we’ve had. It sounds like it was or maybe is a lot more than that.”

Another long breath escapes Michael before he says anything else. “Yeah… it’s kind of everything.”

Like so many times before, Michael’s simple truth catch her off guard. She collects herself enough to ask, “So, what’s keeping you apart? I may not know the details, but you certainly haven’t sounded particularly optimistic about love, and Kyle mentioned you and Alex got into it last week just before your epic day drinking disaster.”

Michael shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot and runs a hand through his hair, looking anywhere other than at her. “There are a lot of things between us. We’ve been through some pretty awful stuff. We had amazing moments too, but the trauma cast a pretty big shadow. He’s a little skittish, I’m a little defensive, he walks away, I feel abandoned. It’s a whole thing. After everything that happened this fall and winter, it seemed like time for us to stop banging our heads against the wall. I thought I needed something new. Something different.”

“But you don’t think that anymore?” Liz prods.

“Don’t let it go to your head or anything, but you rambling on about Max made me see a few things in a different light. Last week, well, Alex gave me that last piece of the console I showed you. I guess he’d had it for a while but hadn’t given it to me because he, I don’t know, he said he wasn’t ready for me to leave or something. And in the moment I was pissed. Because he kept leaving me, but I couldn’t leave him? That’s not fair. So I lashed out, like I do, and he told me we could talk another day, but that it was two years since he’d nearly died and he wasn’t in the mood to be a punching bag and left. I just started thinking about everything. About what it felt like when he left for the Air Force for the first time, and what it would’ve felt like if he hadn’t ever come home. It was shitty and I didn’t know what else to do so I got drunk. Fell back into old coping mechanisms ‘cause that’s what I do when it gets to be too much, even though I’ve been trying to break that habit, I slip up sometimes.”

He pauses for a breath, but surprisingly continues talking. “The next day, and every day since, it just made me think, like, Alex does the same thing sometimes. When he gets overwhelmed, he falls back into old coping mechanisms too. He walks away. That’s why I felt like if we tried again, we’d just be repeating old patterns, but I realized Alex was, in his own way trying to break that habit. He just...well, he’s like you in some ways. He needs a minute to catch up, to process, and I don’t always give that to him. I expect him to show he cares like I do, and that’s not him. But lately he was trying to stop walking away, to use his words a little more, and yeah, he slipped up sometimes this year, but he did keep coming back. I wasn’t in the place to see it before, but I do now. And then I thought about you, and how you are doing the same thing, working not to run when you get overwhelmed, and how Max is helping you, and how you’d want him to come after you if you did regress. I thought about how you worked through past trauma and forgave each other, and how you want each other, even when it’s hard. And I realized that I want to do that too, to put in the work. When he told me he was giving me that piece of the ship so I could leave if I wanted, move on, be happy, I realized I don’t want to. I don’t want to try to go home. Because besides that brief moment with my mom, Alex is the only one that has ever made me feel like I’m home. And moving on didn’t work, even with someone I adore and care about as much as Maria, because I don’t want to move on. Because...well fuck, because I love him.”

He finally looks up at her, a little sheepish. “And well that’s the most words I’ve ever said at one time. I think I’m turning into you, now. Rambling about my feelings. You’re a bad influence, Ortecho.”

She laughs, warmth and love for him flooding through her. He’s been through so much, and he and Alex both deserve the chance to try to work through things. “Well, you know what you have to do now, right?”

The look he shoots her indicates that he thinks she might’ve gone mad. “What about anything I just said indicates to you that I have any earthly idea about what I should do now? Everything’s a disaster. Alex thinks I’ve moved on. Maria, the only person that really put up with me for the last ten years before you came back to town, probably hates me now. I’m well and truly fucked…why the hell are you smiling?”

“Well, see, one time when I was spiraling, kind of like you are right now, a literal genius, as he likes to remind me he is, gave me some sage and brilliant advice that I think might work for you now.” She can tell by Michael’s rolling eyes that he knows where she’s going with this. “Yup, that’s right...it’s coming back to bite you in the ass. You should talk to him. What did you say to me? ‘Just ramble at him like you just did to me?’ That should work. And I mean that literally: tell Alex what you just told me, in the same way. No vague, but dramatic metaphors. Tell him, and if he gets overwhelmed and leaves? Give him a day and then go after him. But I don’t think he will. And in time, who knows, the whole talking thing might go a long way with making things right with Maria, too.”

Michael just makes a humming sound, which could mean agreement or just that he’s done talking for the day, but that’s alright. She knows now that even when it seems like he’s not listening, he thinks about the things she says. Liz has faith that eventually he’ll take the advice and untangle this mess.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Liz can’t stop herself from laughing out loud at Max’s nervousness.

“Yes. I want to tell him now and you know his phone doesn’t work down there. Besides, he might get pissed at you for going busting in unannounced, but he actually likes me.” At the wounded look Max tries to cover, Liz regrets the joke. Max and Michael have made strides in their relationship in the two months since Max’s resurrection, but there are still some missteps and resentments to work through. Michael clearly does have a greater level of comfort around Liz than Max, so she really shouldn’t tease. She takes a softer, more serious tone, as she continues. “Come on, he’s going to be happy for us.” Max relents and uses his still relatively new telekinetic powers to slide the Airstream over, and open the manhole cover.

“Michael, you down there?” Max yells, rolling his eyes when he realizes Liz hasn’t waited for a reply and is already halfway down the ladder. But despite his reservations, he follows her lead.

She immediately notices when she reaches the ground that there have been some changes since the last time she was here over a month ago. The ship console remains, but is pushed over in the corner and a few of the tables have been removed to make room for an extensive computer setup, which Michael is currently standing in front of. As Michael whirls around, an irritated look on his face that softens slightly when he catches sight of her, she immediately recognizes the reason for the change, as Michael’s sudden movement reveals Alex lounging in the chair in front of the monitor set up. He gets up to greet her with a much friendlier smile.

“Ortecho, you’re abusing my open door privileges here. I never said you could bring guests down here.” Michael gestures to Max, who has now made his way to the ground as well. The harsh words are undercut by a teasing smile which Max returns.

Alex bumps Michael’s shoulder with his own. “I think what Michael meant to say, was ‘hey guys, how are you?’” Michael attempts to seem annoyed at Alex’s rephrasing, but can’t seem to look at Alex with anything other than adoration these days. They finally got their shit together a few weeks after she and Michael had the last of what she’s now calling their bunker confessionals. They’d even quietly been on a few dates around town, including at the Crashdown, and Liz had only barely stopped herself from squealing out loud when she saw them holding hands shyly under the table and looking at each other like there was no one else in the room.

“Sure, we’ll go with that. And also, what the hell are you guys doing here? Max, I’d thought since getting trapped here you wouldn’t really be eager to come back.”

“Eh, it wasn’t all bad,” Max responds sincerely. He’s told Liz that though they’ve had setbacks since, he feels getting stuck in this bunker had been a real breakthrough in their relationship. Michael seems to catch his meaning and gives him a half-smile. “Anyways, we have news to share and Iz said you were off the map, so we figured you might be down here.” Truthfully, Liz had wanted to tell Michael immediately, but Max convinced her that dealing with Isobel’s rage if she wasn’t the first to know wouldn’t have been worth it. Maria had been at Isobel’s that morning oddly, so they were able to tell them both at the same time. Afterwards, Liz insisted they come straight here.

“So, what was so important that you were willing to encourage Isobel’s unhealthy stalking tendencies? I know you hate that she tracks our phones almost as much as I do.”

“Well… Liz and I talked, and we decided--”

Liz rolls her eyes in fond exasperation. Max is long winded at the best of times, and she’s not sure he’s ever going to get to the point, so she jumps in, stretching her hand out for Michael and Alex to see the ring sparkling there. “We’re getting married!” She yelps a moment later as she feels herself being lifted off the ground in an exuberant hug.

When Michael finally puts her down, he gives Max a more reserved bro hug/back slap combo that she sees boys do with each other, and a sincere, “Congratulations.” And as she studies him over Alex’s shoulder, as he gives her a less exuberant, but just as heartfelt hug, she could even swear Michael’s eyes look a little wet, though she knows better than to comment on it. After Alex shakes Max’s hand, he comes to stand behind Michael, resting his chin on Michael’s shoulder as they talk wedding plans, and Michael lightly teases them both about how little say they’ll get in anything once Isobel takes over. The contentment that fills her in this moment feels almost surreal.

Liz thinks back to all the conversations she and Michael had in this very bunker, talking about love, and wondering if the pain, sacrifice, and worry would all be worth it. If they’d ever get a chance to be happy with the people they love. As she leans back into Max’s arms, and watches Michael press a kiss into Alex’s hair, she knows neither of them have to wonder anymore.

#brotp: science bros #michael guerin #liz ortecho #5+1 fic #malex fic #echo #maribel if you squint #roswell new mexico fic #my fic #soberqueerinthewild

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fairydust-stuff · 4 years

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Wendy Darling Embodiment of Motherhood

Here’s the thing ,I have never been a big fan of Wendy Darling from JM Barrie’s classic novel Peter Pan. Not only is she a cocktail of every bad stereotype about Victorian women casually thrown into a blender to make the ultimate Grimm’s fairy tale heroines are more bad ass then you smoothie. But Wendy is just straight up the most boring character in Peter Pan. That being said she does play a very important role in Peter Pan. Also it’s gotten the point where I’m a bit tired of seeing this idea that the Never land ladies have nothing to offer. If we don’t change everything about them or let’s just leave them out entirely trend via Hollywood. Seriously when is the last time Tink got more than a cameo and I’m not talking about the sugary princess clone Disney created from her mutilated body. Anyway I want to take a look Wendy Darling how she works, how she doesn’t work what she embodies and how she’s been portrayed in various adaptations.

First let’s take a look at some themes. Peter pan is at its core a coming of age story about accepting the inevitability of growing up. However Wendy as a point of view character is kind of an odd choice for this theme. In the original novel Wendy brings a flower to her mother who declares “Why can’t you stay like this” Then the narrator proceeds to talk about how Wendy knew she must grow up. So we already have a character who accepts the fact she must grow up on page one. In fact Wendy doesn’t run away to Never land as much as take a holiday, and to be fair John and Michel suffer from the same problem. Honestly I think the closest thing we get to a character arch in the novel is George Darling who is a seriously underrated character in my opinion. So Wendy just never struggles with growing up. However another theme of Peter Pan is motherhood and oh boy does Wendy fit into that.

“She used to come to me in my and I’d say pretty mother, now she has come and I’ve shot her” Tootles laments after thinking he shot and killed Wendy. Even Hook want to take Wendy to be the mothers of himself and his crew in typical pirate fashion coveting what Peter Pan and the lost boys have Wendy becomes a treasure for them to steal. Smee when carrying Wendy even promises “I’ll save you if you promise to only be my Mother” Every boy and man child in Never land craves a mother and want Wendy to fill the position. Wendy taking on the role turns her into a kind of ideal in the eyes of everyone in Never land even her own brothers get in on the treating her as the perfect mom.

In fact Wendy only gets to be a little girl in the narrative when Hook offers his hand to her and she takes it and only because the narrative felt the need to defend her submission to her own capture. But looking back that may very well be the point when you look at Wendy and Peter’s relationship without the shipping googles it’s actually quite interesting. You’ve got two pre teen’s on two different wave lengths. Wendy states in the novel “Peter what are true feelings towards me?” and is displeased with Peter’s answer “That of a devoted son” this seems up their relationship perfectly. Wendy uses the role of mother to try to basically become Peter’s wife something which he is deeply uncomfortable with needing constant reassurance that playing an adult couple is “ Only make believe” now whether or not Peter is flat out not interested or scared of his own feelings is up for debate. I personally lean toward the former because Peter is constantly surrounded by busty topless mermaids who like to flirt with him. So if he hasn’t had his sexual awakening yet it’s not happening ever, but the point is Peter uses the reaffirmation of Wendy as Mother to keep her at a distance. When Wendy returns home Miss Darlings offers to adopt Peter which he refuses. This highlights the fact when given the chance to have an actual mother he doesn’t want one.

Wendy is a reflection of Peter’s warped relationship with motherhood. He confesses to Wendy that he did at one point did return to his mother only to find the window barred and “There was another little boy sleeping in my bed!” It could be argued Peter’s desire to stay a little boy forever actually steam from the fear of abandonment and being replaced. This shapes Peter’s relationship with Wendy in sense he wants a mother he can actually control. One who never makes him feels too grown up or who challenges him or his choices in a meaningful way. This shows that motherhood is important and that without a proper mom boys will never truly grow into men.

Wendy plays a similar role to the lost boys only she actually ends up helping them. While the lost boys clearly already have mommy craving’s Wendy gives them a taste of what having a mom is actually like or at least what an ideal mom from a Victorian upper middle class family structure would be like. So when Wendy wants to go home the lost boys who getting a taste of what their missing decides to go with her. Where they get adopted into the Darling Family and grow into respectable members of society who all get boring office jobs in the prolog which completely contrast their colorful energetic personalities, moving on. Wendy acts as kind of encouraging benevolent guide for the lost boys and Peter her inevitable goal being to encourage to move beyond the superficial trappings of childhood and take a step forward into adulthood. Peter is the failure, deficient as the novel itself states but the lost boys are a triumph of the power of proper maternal nurturing.

Wendy Darling has appeared in various adaptations and Spin offs though I’m mostly going to focus on Movies and TV because most of the Peter Pan book retellings where Wendy plays a key role just do not fill me with any positive feelings. And I want to mostly focus on the good today with some casual snark thrown in.

So let’s start with Wendy from the 2003 Peter Pan Live Action adaptation. I love this version it makes changes from the novel while still paying homage by using actual lines from the book. Though I have very mixed feelings about 2003 Wendy.

The movie heavily leans into the annoying I’m not like other girls trope. Here Victorian lady Wendy turns fairy tales into gore fests, and has an interest in sword play and pirates. I’m not saying girls from that era can’t have those interests but it just feels like their Wendy is the product of listening to too many focus groups not to mention she learns to be an expert sword fighter who can go toe to toe with adults after five seconds with Peter. And what is with the sudden unexplained blood thirst? Where did that come from?

Though I do like how the film unlike the novel actually gave Wendy an arch. Wendy’s aunt is mortified at her niece’s interest in becoming a novelist who travels the world. She insists Wendy’s parents separate Wendy from her brothers and allow her to tutor, Wendy to teach her how to be a proper lady. They also have a school teacher shame Wendy for drawing a picture of Peter flying above her bed. This seems to be subtext for the Victorian shaming of sexual expression from girls as dirty and shameful. This actually makes Wendy feel like her life is changing way too fast and it scares her. Since she is twelve and her family is already talking about marriage prospects. While the scene where Peter and her meet is pretty much played like in the novel. There’s the added moment of Peter whispering in Wendy’s ear “ Forget them Wendy Forget them all come with me and we’ll never ever have to think about grown up things again” which unlike the novel frames Wendy as running away from growing up.

Then she develops a crush on Peter Pan and this being Hollywood they go with the scared of his own feeling interpretation. I guess her whining and screaming his name for a day was just too sexy to resist. Wendy contemplates joining Hook’s crew because when your crush rejects you validation by pirate man children is good salve for your wounds. But then realizes she can’t remember her mother and much like the novel becomes scared that her and her brothers have forgotten their parents. Then they all get kidnapped by the pirates and Hook and Peter have a show down which is way better than the novel because here Hook attacks Peter’s abandonment issues and actually brings him to his knees. But then Wendy kisses Peter and he gains the strength to defeat Hook. Basically the implication is Wendy realizes growing up is ok because romantic love is a thing. Hey, I didn’t say it was a great arch but it’s more than the novel gave her or anyone. I’m not a huge fan of this Wendy depiction but I’ve got to take my hat off to the writers for at least giving Wendy a coming of age narrative.

Disney’s classic Peter Pan pulled a similar move taking the focus from Peter and putting it entirely on Wendy. The implications at the end imply that Wendy’s adventure was all a dream and that Tinker bell and Tiger Lilly were reflections of her own manifesting sexuality. Peter Pan her desire not to grow up and Hook I’m going to guess that he was her daddy issues.

I actually think Walt did Wendy a solid in her characterization. This is one of the few Wendy’s were her concern for her brothers and the lost boys don’t feel tacked on. Since most adaptations do very little to build Wendy’s dynamic with the other kids. Here it’s in every face wipe and tearful good bye and every “Do be careful” thrown over Wendy’s shoulder.

Also the Disney movie does a one eighty from everyone in Neverland worshiping her to Neverland treating her rather badly. It takes Wendy’s annoyance from called her squaw from the Novel and has the Indians bully her into fetching firewood instead of joining the celebrations. Also the mermaids not only try to drown her but Peter thinks is all a big joke. Disney’s Wendy constantly stands up for herself but often gets brushed off or forced to walk the plank. In this version you can one hundred percent understand why Wendy is so done with this place and ready to grow up. Here the reality of what it’s like to experience everyone acting like a self-centered child is here on full display.

Also Disney’s Wendy is not perfect she gets angry and loses her temper attacking mermaids or yelling at Indians. She gets jealous of Tiger Lilly being all over Peter and is sour towards him. Wendy is dreamy eyed, and polite but this version of her also doesn’t take anyone’s crap and will let you know if you’ve crossed a line or if you’re flat out awful. But she’s still pleads with Peter on her attempted murder’s behalf. Wendy also reminds Peter that Tiger Lilly is drowning when he gets caught up in celebrating his cleverness. She still makes sure she can say goodbye to her brothers and the lost boys before Hook kills her. Even on her worst day Disney’s Wendy is a kind person even when those around her are less so.

But my favorite portrayal of Wendy has got to be from the 90’s classic “Peter Pan and the Pirates” TV series which aired on Fox was about one season then got cancelled. While it doesn’t really focus on Wendy a whole lot since its more concerned with the relationship between Peter Pan his lost boys and Hook’s crew.

She still has a pretty important role. Wendy often serves as a voice of reason to the group which doesn’t go against her original role in the novel since she takes a cake that’s been left out all night away from the lost boys. Which does present her as the one with the most common sense but the show lets Wendy tell Peter this is a bad idea way more often than the book and blow up at him after he does the stupid thing every one told him not to do. Also Wendy gets to be more of a moral center lecturing Peter for stealing the picture of Hook’s mother in the episode “Hooks mother” and encouraging him to return it and even getting Peter to take care of Hook after he’s injured. This is in a positive change in my opinion because it actually expands on Wendy’s role as a guide to adult hood. Here Wendy Darling encourages a kind of good behavior she helps build moral character in her boys. Wendy has strong ideals and this adaptation actually has her stand by her principals for better or worse. This not only gives her more of a central role in the story but also gives her more chances to be active. Yay character agency!

Also this version of Wendy was the first to have a bit of an interesting relationship with Hook. (Who is voiced by Tim curry and does an excellent job.) While the writers got rid of the almost pedophilic undertones of Hook wanting to keep Wendy from the novel and the “My beauty” pet name. Thank god for that even in the novel i thought it was too much. There’s still a bit of a dynamic even if its way more innocent.

In the episode In Peter on Trial Wendy not only lands on the ship unharmed but reminds Hook executing Peter without a trial would not be proper form at all. She then hits Hook in the ego by declaring “Surely you don’t doubt your powers of debate against that of a mere girl” And not only gets a trial but manages to win even when the trial is rigged against them. Hook even congratulates her before proceeding to find his own loophole and kill Peter Pan anyway. The point is this suggests this Wendy has a bit of an insight into Hook maybe more so then Peter. She knows he’s obsessed with good form and has an ego that prides its self on being the smartest person in the room.

This cuts both ways while Wendy is capable of manipulating Hook, he also consistently manipulates Wendy by offering his word as a gentlemen when he intends to break it as a pirate. This dynamic highlights Wendy’s flaw of trusting dangerous people and allowing them to hurt her friends. Hook has picked up that she trusts or wants to trust him. In this version Hook actually treats Wendy as opponent vs the usual she belongs to Peter and I want to steal her like in most adaptations. Also despite Hook being terrifying Wendy has no problem being all “There’s no need to get cranky Captain” and I kind of love how comfortable she is with the guy despite him being an enemy.

This proves Wendy doesn’t have to be a sword wielding “Who are you to call me girlie” action girl to be a good character. She can be flawed but still remain a good person and giving her a spine is always appreciated.

Wendy Darling is at her core a guide into adulthood with a strong moral character and a voice of reason who is used to shine a light on how important motherhood is since the result of mothers abandoning or neglecting their children shape the Peter’s of the world. This makes her important to the overall story and themes of Peter Pan.

#wendy darling #wendy darling appreciation #peter pan disney #Peter Pan 2003 #Peter Pan and the Pirates

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bobasheebaby · 4 years

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Penny Prompts

1 “If I take it off, NAME wins.” “Sweetie, every night you don't kill him/her in his/her sleep, he/she wins.”

2 “Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.” “Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.”

3 “NAME, what did we say about being a nicer friend?” “Thank you.” “NAME, what did we say about being a gullible weeny?”

4 “I'm not signing a prenup.” “All right, NAME, listen up! You sign anything he/she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man/woman alive. If you let him/her go, there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all men/women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting.”

5 “What am I supposed to do?” “Err, keep your mouth off other men/women.”

6 “So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody.” “Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory. I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me.” “I told you if we were patient, he'd/she’d figure it out for himself/herself.”

7 [Person a knocks on NAME’s door three times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.” [Knocks 3 times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.” [Knocks 3 times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.”

8 “NAME 's mad at me, and I'm not clear why.” “Okay, were you talking before he:she got upset?” “Yes.” “That's probably it.”

9 “Ignore them, NAME. They're just jealous because they'll never have a relationship as good as ours.” “Isn't this when he/she says "bazooka" or something?”

10 [looking at caller ID] “Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight.” [answering phone] “Hey, baby...” “His/her right hand is calling him/her?”

11 “Doesn't he/she know you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” “He/She doesn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend he/she has a NAME.”

12 “What kind of teenager did you think I was?” “Slutty.” “Easy.” “The word is 'popular'.”

13 “Once you open the box it loses its value.” “Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.”

14 “Is that all you have? Shop-worn tidbits like ‘talk to him/her’ and ‘let it go’? Gee, NAME, life's given me lemons, what should I do?” “Well, you could shove them somewhere.”

15 “More Halloween candy. Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?” “Oh, yeah. That's gone. It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.”

16 “I don't believe it. What's gotten into him/her?” “Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty.” “You didn't.” “Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.”

17 “Come on, we are not old, boring people. We can do better than this.” “That's true. How late did we stay up last night?” “Almost 1 am.” “Damn straight almost 1 am. And we weren't even watching TV, we were watching Netflix like the kids do.” “Yeah. Is it a comedy, is it a drama? Nobody knows!”

18 “You gotta help me get my arm into my sleeve.” [Eyes closed] “Okay!” “Is that my arm?” “It doesn't feel like an arm.” “Then maybe you should let it go.”

19 “Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?” “I don't know, a psychiatrist?”

20 “Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?” “Because I like peppermint, and it's fun to say schnapps!”

21 “You wanna turn yourself into some sort of robot?” “Essentially, yes.” “Okay, here's my question: Didn't you already do that?”

22 “I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.” “I could think about you.” “Whatever works.”

23 “We cover ourselves in body paint and then we get on this big canvas and do our thing.” “Woah, that's kind of a big step for a guy/girl who only recently agreed to take his/her socks off.”

24 “He’s/She's only been here a day and a half, and I'm seriously considering alcoholism as a new career path.” “Hey, I talked to him/her for five minutes yesterday, and I've been half bombed ever since.”

25 [To NAME’s dog] “Bark once if you need me to call PETA.”

26 “NAME, that's not what boyfriends/girlfriends are for. Although you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know?”

27 “Don't you dare knock!”

28 “Don't you think if a man/woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?” “Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.”

29 “Good morning, slut!” “What?” “Oh, please! I recognise the walk of shame when I see it. All you're missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it!”

30 “They're gonna get beaten up at that club.” “They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.”

31 “Holy crap on a cracker!”

32 “And then you put it back, compromising the rest of the onion rings.” “Aw honey, the buses don't go where you live do they?”

33 “What's up, buttercup?”

34 “And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?”

35 “Really still can't talk to me?”

36 “This is banana bread.” “This is a door knob.”

37 “Oh, I don't know. I don't want to manipulate him/her with sex.” “Oh, sweetie, that's what sex is for.”

38 “I'm a little low on cash.” “How much you got?” “Nothing.” “How can you walk around with no money?” “I'm cute, I get by.”

39 “And this is also not the right time. Do not propose.” “What?!” “I know that face. That's your proposed face.”

40 “Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.” “Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?”

41 “NAME, will you marry me?” “Oh my god, yes!”

42 “Is this the stuff you want me to try on?” “No this is the stuff I want you to throw out. Seriously, don't even give it to charity. You won't be helping anyone.”

43 “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?” “Well, not to steal from the bible, but turning water into wine sounds pretty good.”

44 “Oh, my God, you’re about to jibber jabber about jibber jabber.”

45 “I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.”

46 “We can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we gave you.”

47 “You know deep down inside, NAME’s a nice guy.” “The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating.”

48 “Um, you know it's kinda early. Do you wanna maybe come in for some coffee or something?” “Oh gee, its a little late for coffee isn't it?” “Aw, you think coffee means coffee. That is so sweet.”

49 “The thing about tomatoes, I think you will really enjoy this, is that they are shelved with the vegetables but they are technically a fruit.” “Interesting.” “Isn't it!” “No, I mean what you find enjoyable.”

50 “Do or do not do there is no try.” “Did you just quote Star Wars?” “I believe I quoted The Empire Strikes Back.”

51 “You can't let him/her get into your head.” “It's too late for me, my head is his/her summer house.”

52 “Well, while they're acting like teenagers we could do something grown up.” “Ooh, you mean like a museum?” “Yes, like a museum but anything else!”

53 “NAME’s being reasonable.” “Yeah, it's freaking me out. I'm gonna go.”

54 “Oh, my God, he/she won't stop.” “How does he/she keep coming up with new ways to be annoying?” “Nobody knows. That's why he’s/she's number one.”

55 “I love you.” “Who cares?”

56 “You're okay with an experiment where you have to answer awkward questions about your innermost feelings?” “Yes.” “Please can I do it with him/her, please.”

57 “Don't be like that. You two need to talk this out.” “Yeah, because you sound really funny.”

58 “I really thought he/she was going to say ‘let it go’.”

59 “Honey, you don't have to thank me every time we have sex, sweetie.”

60 “I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.” “Well what do you need?” “You, you stupid Poptart.”

61 “What are you saying? That I'm using my body to get dinner? That I'm some sort of Chinese food prostitute?”

62 “I was unstoppable. I was on fire. It was like my mind and my body were totally connected, like athletes must feel when they're in the zone.” “Again, it was miniature golf.” “Admit it, you're a little turned on.” “You can't be this proud.” “Why not?” “Because I beat you.”

63 “How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?” “Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.”

64 “Come on. How can you be sad when you're going home with all five foot six of this?” “You think you're five foot six? That's funny.”

65 “Look, I'm telling you I've done it. I clearly remember the cow standing up and then a cow on its side.” “Were you drunk?” “I was sixteen and in Nebraska, what do you think?” “I think you're the one who fell over.” “Well that would explain why the sky was also on its side.”

66 “I need to go back to dating dumb guys/girls from the gym.”

67 “We'll take you to the mall to get it done.” “Why? I can do it right here.” “Really? You have a piercing gun?” “No. All you need is a needle and an ice cube. I've done it, like, a dozen times.” “Oh, I don't know.” “Oh, come on. I'll be gentle. Let me take your ear virginity.” “This party's weird.”

68 “So is that it? Are we engaged?” “Yeah, I think so.” “All right.” “What's wrong?” “I'm not sure. It just feels a little anti-climactic.” “Yeah, it kinda does, doesn't it?”

69 “I promise next time I get married, it won't be a joke. It will be for love ... or money.”

70 “I don't understand, exactly how did he/she get any friends in the first place?” “We liked NAME.”

71 “Here, have some pizza, sweetie.” “You know I'm lactose intolerant.” “I know; I just need you to stop talking.”

72 “So, what do you think?” “I thought it would be a little more ... just more.” “I'm not even sure why we were out of breath.”

73 “I mean I was on fire. I was in the zone like an athlete.” “Sweetie, I beat you at this, too.”

74 “Well, I can't eat like a ten-year-old all the time.” “You're dating somebody! Who is it?” “What? What are you talking about?” “You only watch what you eat when you're afraid you might have to take your shirt off.”

75 “So I'm like a bran muffin?” “What? No, that's not what I'm saying.” “No, that's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.” “What does it matter? I'm choosing you.” “It matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a cinnabon, a strawberry pop tart. Something you're excited about, even if it could give you diabetes.” “Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.”

#big bang theory quotes #big bang theory prompts #penny #dialogue prompts #writing prompts #i live in covid 19 hell #quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy

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stusbunker · 4 years

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Dr. Emery Simmons-Winchester

Hey guys! An ask post got me thinking about my girl Emery from my Sam series For Better or Worst.

So I decided to fill out the questions about her, in case you’re interested since a lot of her background has been kept as only small glimpses due to the plot so far. Here are those questions from the ASK POST. (Since I know no one would actually send me asks, especially about OCs.)

Basics:

1. What is their gender?

Female

2. What is their sexuality?

Heterosexual

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?

Meaning: Derived from Emmerich, which can mean brave and powerful. Also a hard, dark substance (i.e. emery boards)

Sam calls her ‘Em’ and ‘Baby’

Georgie used to call her Mama E

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger? Which sibling are they the closest with?

She has an older half brother that she isn’t close with, but that’s just because he lived across the country from her and her son.

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?

Emery loved her parents to the ends of the earth. Though her dad wasn’t always around, his parents helped raise her. She was by her mother’s side when she died from cancer.

6. What would they give their life for?

Georgie. And redemption. Though there are others that she cares for and her dedication to them will be tested deeply soon.

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?

Is an arranged marriage romantic? I guess it depends on who you ask. She is currently married to Sam Winchester. They met via some shady dealings from one Naomi, Angel of the Lord.

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Can I laugh at how deep we are getting in the “Basics” section of this?! Like, damn and then the next question is like a Teen Bop quiz.

Emery believes in Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory. She grew as a psychic, knowing the world as it exists on the show. She still believes the angels are on humanity’s side and are her path to forgiveness, if not salvation.

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?

Emery likes rich earth tones with some gold in for accents. She looks good in just about anything though.

10. What are some of their talents/skills?

She is a medieval history professor, and an outstanding lecturer. She reads people really well, even after losing her psychic powers. She has a decent singing voice. Is an amazing mom. And when she makes up her mind to do something, she follows through. Very hard to change her mind or challenge her moral compass.

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?

Just that the world was better, in any small way, from her influence.

12. How old are they? When is their birthday?

She is 39, born January 16, 1981.

13. What do they do for fun?

Read. Play with her dog Bandit. Go for walks. Listen to music. She used to mess with people who didn’t know she was psychic, but nothing malicious just little things that would stump strangers. She also used to play video games with Georgie.

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it?

Potatoes in all of their glorious forms. She also love Cajun cuisine. She isn’t much of a cook, because she never had time to go all out. But french fries are easy enough to come by!

15. What was something their parents taught them?

That no matter who you are, you have a place in this world and a job to do.

Family always comes first.

16. Are they religious?

Yes, but most of the strict devotion rose from the death of her son.

17. Where were they born?

Gary, Indiana

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages?

Different dialects of American English. She can read Old English and Middle English from her years of study.

Latin, from high school and some college.

19. What is their occupation?

Currently a professor, formerly a part-time psychic.

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them?

She has a PHD in History and a Masters in Education. Dr. Simmons-Winchester if you’d like. ;)

Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality?

She appreciates her own snark, when it comes out.

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality?

Her psychic upbringing game her a lot of empathy for others. She hates how weak that makes her seem.

23. Do they get lonely easily?

No, she keeps too busy to feel lonely. Her son was always enough for her... until she found Sam.

24. Do you know their MBTI type?

No because those tests are way too fucking long.

25. What is their biggest flaw?

Self-assigned guilt.

26. Are they aware of their flaws?

Not all of them, who is?

27. What is their biggest strength?

Her dedication.

28. Are they aware of their strengths?

Yes, she isn’t one to sell herself short.

29. How would they describe their own personality?

She would say she is smart, kind and generally tough.

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”?

She isn’t one for physical violence, but she will stand up vocally. She has had to defend herself physically in the past and that cost her her son.

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

Constantly, in the past it was mostly her son, but now also her husband.

32. What is their self esteem like?

Good. She owns her strengths and is aware of her shortcomings. Though she is slightly shaken from a recent rejection, but she knows better than to get too attached when there are other factors in play.

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?

Failure to protect her son. She would go to the ends of possibility to save him.

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives?

It took almost five months of an arranged marriage for her to tell Sam about her son, his death and her side of their deal with Heaven. Though she trusts Sam, she didn’t reveal much about her past.

We’re going to have to wait and see if she can trust Sam or Cas with her life.

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them?

Talk cruelly about other people on end. Chew with your mouth open.

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous.

She has a pretty decent sense of humor. Not too dark, but definitely has a sarcastic streak. I think she would love memes, especially living with a preteen gamer, she would have seen her share. But she’s still a dorky mom, so she only shares the obvious ones with her TAs.

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?

Fairly easy, especially with family. Never.

38. What do others admire most about their personality?

Her strength of character and her determination to DO GOOD.

39. What does their happily ever after look like?

She hasn’t really thought about it beyond the task at hand. Keeping up her charade with Sam in order to save Georgie’s soul and Dean. They have quiet the dream life from the outside: great jobs, nice house in a good neighborhood. But none of that can last, not for them. Right?

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual?

Her mother, but she passed about two years ago. Yes.

Physical Profile:

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh?

Her voice is smoky, much like her faceclaim Rashida Jones. Her laugh can get breathy or silent if it is a really deep one. She laughs in little spells, but nothing like she used to.

42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance?

Her sparkling hazel eyes.

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance?

She thinks she has a big nose. But her complex is so good, she doesn’t dwell.

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars?

Yes, she had a total hysterectomy after her mother died so she has laparoscopic scaring. She also has stretch marks from pregnancy. The biggest scars are on her left upper arm, where her son scratched her when he first shifted into a werewolf.

45. How would they describe their own appearance?

Just a 30-someting mixed girl rocking what she’s got.

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?

She is tempered first and foremost. Being vulnerable is not something she does regularly, but she doesn’t hide the big things. They’re too much for a reason.

47. What’s their pain tolerance like?

She is a women of color and a single mother, her pain tolerance is insanely high because people don’t listen anyway. (yes, that’s shade)

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos?

She doesn’t. (Desperately trying to remember if she does now... oops?)

49. Do they have any piercings?

Just a single on both ears.

51. What is their height? Weight?

5′4″ 130lbs ish

52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc?

She thin, not overly fit.

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone?

Dark brown/ Hazel/ Dark Beige

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers?

She has a fairly low tolerance for alcohol, but that’s generally because she doesn’t drink often. When she gets wine drunk she gets affectionate. The few times she has been hungover have been exhausting because she doesn’t give her self time to recover.

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?)

Her natural scent is warm spices, with almost a vanilla finish. She has a jasmine perfume that makes her slightly more feminine and floral.

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin?

She hasn’t had an active sex life until she married Sam. Before that it had been a few years. No, she isn’t a virgin and this is a dumb question because it is an outdated misogynistic construct.

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute?

Her big, bright, multicolored eyes. Then her smile.

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF?

Not exactly resting, but you get the point. Yes.

60. Describe the way they sleep.

She sleeps curled on her side, in the middle of the bed. If Sam’s already up, she is stealing his pillow to cuddle. If Sam is sleeping elsewhere, she stays to her side.

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?

Summer, though she was born in the winter, she prefers it if she can function outside or at least read by the lake.

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?

Okay, yes, everyone has been betrayed. She is currently dealing with the ramifications of an unjust deal with Heaven. It’s not easy for her.

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

Her dog Bandit.

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?

Yes, she is a slight woman, she gets cold easily.

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?

She has a solid immune system, even when she gets sick she powers through. Bad mental health days knock her down a few pegs though.

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there?

Currently living in Denver, CO with Sam and Bandit. She lived in Chicago with her son and dog previously.

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?

No, she keeps her bedroom clean because she shares it (for the most part) now. The bathroom and kitchen are always spotless. The living room is a little cluttered, but that’s generally Bandit’s toys and research she leaves out when she’s not grading in the dining room.

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?

She was surrounded by love. Her mom was a waitress at a diner and her paternal granddad and big mama helped raised her. She knew she had to work hard for anything to come to her and she also was psychic so she was able to sense how her family was “odd” or “wrong” depending on whose thoughts she heard. She grew up learning to respect people and kill them with kindness, or wit if she had to.

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?

See above.

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets?

She loves animals, but is very much a dog person. Yes, Bandit, the best boy ever.

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

She is amazing with kids, especially one on one. She has a son George, who would have been 13 last spring. She is unable to have more.

72. Would they rather have stability or comfort?

Stability. Knowing what to expect is its own level of comfort.

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?

She is generally indoors, but generally all of her active free time is spent outside.

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?

To be in, sunny and clear. She likes storms from the safety of inside and thunder more than the lightning.

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

She would probably doodle old geometric patterns found on ancient manuscripts as a border. Possibly make a list of things that need doing or write the same word over and over again in different fonts.

76. How organized are they?

Fairly, not obsessively so.

77. What is their most prized possession?

Her PhD.

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?

She was close with a few colleagues at her last job, a small college just outside of Chicago. But her mother was her best friend so it is hard to put that title on someone else since she lost her.

79. What is their economic situation?

Currently upper-middle class. Previously working class struggling with medical bills.

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl?

She is not a morning person, but doesn’t stay up too late unless she has too.

Miscellaneous:

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?

No. Unless someone is severely hurt.

82. What is their handwriting like?

Not too neat, but generally a combination of print and cursive.

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?

Yes, well enough to not die, she doesn’t know all the strokes or anything. Sure, but not as much as she likes sunbathing.

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best?

Oh, this is a tough one! I am going to say Envy, because though she had a great family growing up, she was still very much aware of what other people had. And their problems always seemed so frivolous.

85. Do they believe in ghosts?

Yes, she was a psychic, she spoken to spirits before.

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays?

She has her great-grandmother’s china that she keeps for the big holidays, Christmas, Easter, etc. She would host the cousins and aunties with her grandma and once her mom got too sick, it was harder to get everyone together. She and George would go to her Aunt Janice’s house when they could for Sunday dinner, but traffic in and out of the city was a pain during the school year.

87. What is something they regret?

Killing her son in self-defense.

88. Do they have an accent?

Not usually, she was in an academic setting for so long she doesn’t let it slip out often.

89. What is their D&D alignment?

Neutral Good, laws and those who enforce them should evolve quicker than they do.

90. Are they right or left handed?

Right.

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif.

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said?

She groaned, grabbing his face in both her hands. “Fine! Asshole. But you better make it worth it.”

She was pointing a finger at his agreeing puppy dog face now.

#for better or worst feels #emery simmons-winchester #stu's ocs

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