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theetherealbloom · 1 year

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UNEVEN ODDS — CH. 1

Chapter One: These Questions Take Shape

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold live in front of her or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, PTSD, Depression, Zombies, character death, swearing, angst, fluff, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE MIGHT BE WRONG, plot holes, rusty writing, alternate universe

A/N: I write?? Kind of?? Tbh, this self-indulgent for sure! We love maladaptive daydreaming :) Anyways, English isn’t my first language so please forgive me for any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes! Tbh I was just gonna write one chapter per episode but I got too excited :p

Song: doomsday by Lizzy McAlpine

-> Next Chapter | Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

YOUR OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE – 2023

It’s been three years since the pandemic, COVID-19 has taken a toll on many people. Millions have died over the past few years and you were one of the lucky ones who got by, survived, and received the vaccine as soon it was available. The world slowly begins to open up and awake from its slumber during those years of uncertainty.

So what do you do now?

You work, continue with your quantum physics research and try and make sense of your life. Someday you’ll be able to be under the mercy of light to choose your fate and your need to find certainties and concrete science. For now, you enjoy the comforting sounds of characters conversing with each other.

Immediately as the show credits show, you fold your laptop close and prepare for bed. Episode 3 of the Last of Us was the most emotional so far, Bill and Frank’s story reminds you that love will transverse in every universe. With these tired eyes, you’ve seen enough for tonight. Your eyes slowly droop down and close, luring you into a deep sleep in a state of wishful thinking, hoping that you would have that kind of love in your life. But for now, the watercolor vivid dreams will suffice.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

You groggily wake up and find yourself on the floor. Slowly as you sit up, you use one of your hands to rub away the sleep, “What the hell,” you mumble. The anxiety begins to creep in, you recognize the coloring of the walls and the type of flooring used.

You look down at yourself to check what you’re wearing, no longer in your sleep clothes but traded away for cargo pants, a shirt, socks, and black boots. What’s more concerning was the familiar voices just outside the tattered room you were in.

“There’s not gonna be anything bad in here?”

A gruff response comes, “Just you.”

“Oh, funny.”

No. God, no way. This is not happening. This isn’t possible. You must be dreaming, right? You quickly stand up, and as soft footsteps come closer, you see Ellie staring at you with complete shock, “Holy shit!” she screams.

The thundering thumps of footsteps quickly make their way into the room as you stand there in complete shock. Your eyes widen in shock as you are now face to face with the characters you’ve grown to love from last night through your laptop screen right in front of you. This feels like a very cruel joke.

Dark brown eyes, salt and pepper hair, tan skin, and lines that appear as Joel frowns at you, unimpressed and suspicious. While Tess is completely covering Ellie, she narrows her eyes at you and says, “Raise your hands.”

Slowly you follow her command and raise both your hands, not wanting to increase the tension between you and them. Then you try your best to steady the trembling voice that wants to escape from you and directly look at Joel to say, “I’m not infected.”

“Show us your arm and neck.” He replies with his thick southern accent, and you bring your hand to the collar of your shirt to show them your neck and then lift the sleeves of your jacket to prove that you are being truthful.

The tension between the four of you still hadn’t dissipated despite proving that you didn’t have Cordyceps. “You got any weapons?” Tess asks and you shake your head, “No.”

Ellie groans in frustration, “Guys, I need to pee.” And you bite back a smile, her attitude, and unintentional humor. You clear your throat and say, “Um, you two could interrogate me in the other room so she can, uh, relieve herself.”

Ellie’s two protectors give each other a knowing side glance and proceed to lower their weapons that were aimed at you. You take a deep breath and then follow Joel as he first leaves the room while Tess watches and follows you from behind, making sure you don’t try anything funny.

You stand in the center of the room, with lush green grass, and flowers, you tilt your head up to look at the stream of daylight hitting your face. You take note of the overgrown plants and trees, mother nature taking back what’s hers. Eco-brutalists would be ecstatic about all of this, minus the fungi zombies.

Tess breaks the silence and asks, “What’s your name?” You give them your name and ask for theirs, even though you didn’t need to however, it is the polite and fair thing to do. You turn your head to look at both of them. They reluctantly tell you to give them their names as you try and manage to swallow away the fear and secretly hope this was all a dream or maybe a fucked up prank. Tess raises one eyebrow at you, “Where are you from?”

You purse your lips to a thin line and wonder how the hell you were gonna answer that question, you then settle for a, “It’s complicated.”

“Complicated how?” Joel gruffly asks you and you give him a light shrug in response and he scoffs.

Your shoulders sag at his reaction to your words, “I’m not trying to be difficult, I swear. It is complicated and hard to explain, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. And to be honest, I’m trying my best to wrap my head around this and find a way to explain it without sounding completely insane.”

Joel all but frowns at you but continues to ask, “You tryin’ to get to the QZ?” And without even thinking about it you shook your head in disagreement, and immediately followed your response with suspicion growing on their faces and a frown.

Tess looks at you in disbelief and says, “So, what the hell are you doing out in the city with all the infected running around? Going for a stroll?”

Not wanting to answer the question, you pivot to looking at his fractured hand and give him a light nod, gesturing to it, “Does it hurt?”

Tess glances at his hand and pushes Joel to sit on his chair, his hands shaking as he looks at his bloody knuckles. You also choose to sit on the plush cool green grass, the smell of earth fills your nostrils, and then watch the scene play out in front of you.

“Broken.” Tess states that Joel avoids eye contact with his partner in crime, “Maybe a hairline. It’ll heal fast.”

Tess looks down at the grimy floor and folded her hands in an attempt to calm herself, then raises her head as she whispers, “She made it through the fucking night, Joel.” He shakes his head at her, “It doesn’t matter. It’s gonna happen sooner or later. All right? We’re still close to the wall. We sneak both of them back into the QZ. We find a different way to get the battery.”

“This is our best shot,” Tess says unwaveringly with her decision while Joel scoffs, you watch them both like a tennis match and are surprised by the fact they didn’t even acknowledge your presence.

“We take her back into the QZ, someone’s gonna notice her arm. They’re gonna scan her then they’ll kill her.”

He harshly whispers back at Tess, “Well, better them than us. You need to stop talking about this kid like she’s got some kind of life in front of her.”

It felt like extreme deja vu watching Joel and Tess argue, and on queue, Ellie walks back in and throws the magazine on the floor, and slides towards Tess. The kid plops down to sit next to you on the lush grass and you look at her with a small smile.

“You hungry?” Tess asks the both of you as she rummages through her backpack to find the energy bars, “You can share some of ours.”

“Thanks. Marlene sent me with my own.” Ellie says and takes out a chicken sandwich from her bag pocket. Tess looks at you, offering some and you politely decline, the older woman tilts her head and says, “When was the last time you ate?”

“Yesterday.” You say without a thought.

“You wanna try to explain’ how you got here? Cause when we checked, you sure as hell weren’t here. Or how the fuck did you manage to survive this long with nothing?” Tess says as she chews on the bark this world now calls food. You feel your palms sweat and pulse slightly increase, you take a deep breath and say, “This is gonna sound extremely bazaar and completely impossible but try to keep an open mind because literal infected are roaming around the streets so believe anything is now within the realm of possibility. Okay?”

You got a couple of hums with curious gazes and listened as you began to speak, “I’m possibly from a different universe or world where this is all just fiction and you’re characters based on a video game-made television series. No, I have zero ideas how I got here. I went to bed and fell asleep, and next thing I know, I woke up with this painful migraine and fatigue, different clothes and you three suddenly existing.”

You paused as you took in the group gaping at you and you sigh, “From where I came from, we had a similar thing happen, a pandemic. However, it was a virus, not Cordyceps. We called it COVID-19, it could be transmitted through an infected person's mouth or nose in small liquid particles when they cough, sneeze, speak or breathe. The outbreak started in December 2019 and 6.84 million people died in the last three years during that time. We were able to make a vaccine at a rapid rate since our technology had advanced, and we were able to distribute it globally, so in the current year which we both share, which is 2023, we’re slowly trying to find our footing again as the world opens up.”

You feel your eyes glaze over, and you then shut them as you continued, “I know it sounds fucking impossible, trust me, a lot thought so too. My scientific hypothesis is that the multiverse does exist and somehow sleep or dreaming is connected to it. I really don’t know, it was all just theoretical.”

“Prove it.”

You open your eyes and look at Joel, completely surprised he spoke, “What?”

Joel’s baritone voice and defensive stare felt like electricity through your bones, “I said, prove it.”

If there’s anything you were good at, it was reading a ton of books in a short period and memorizing the important details and plot points. Visual memory paired with the love you had for these characters had you rewatching the three episodes over and over again. Quietly, you thank the younger you for being so nerdy.

You look Joel dead in the eye and turn to the kid beside you quietly looking at you while eating her sandwich, “Your name is Ellie, you got bitten by an infected while you snuck into the mall and then Marlene found you soon afterward. Those two,” you point your thumb in their direction, “need to get you to the state house in exchange for a battery so they can go find Tommy who has been missing for almost a month.”

“Holy shit. She knows my name.” Ellie said with her mouth full of her food.

You turn back to look at Joel and Tess, and then glance at his broken wristwatch, “And, um, Joel, I know how your watch broke, I’m so– .”

“Stop.” Joel lowly says, his stare as cold as ice and distrusting of you. You avert your gaze, and a blanket of silence covers the room. Shakily Joel eats his bark of food and Tess stares at you and Ellie as she chews and swallows, “Is that chicken?”

“Yup. Marlene said they get it from smugglers.” Ellie then thoughtfully tilts her head, “Guess not you guys.”

That does it for Tess and stands up to walk towards you and the kid, “Hey, hey!” Joel says as he stands up after her but Tess holds her hand out to stop him and to signal it’s fine, “Why are you so important to Marlene? And don’t lie to me, or we’ll take you back.”

“Like she said,” the kid gestures to you, “If you take me back, you don’t get your battery.” Tess scoffs, “You heard that?” and Ellie shrugs at her, the older woman mock laughs, “Then you must’ve heard he wants to shoot you.”

Ellie looks toward Joel and he doesn’t deny it, he simply stares back at her.

“If you do that, it would be the dumbest shit you’ll ever do.” You mumble while frowning, Tess turns to you and harshly says, “Zip it, this doesn’t concern you.” And you take what she said in stride and don’t push it any further.

She then crouches down to talk to Ellie, “I’m gonna talk to you like you’re an adult. Okay?” She then takes Ellie’s silence as consent to continue, “Joel and I aren’t good people. We’re doing this for us because apparently, you’re worth something. But we don’t know what you’re worth if we don’t know what we have. So answer my question.”

Ellie rolls her eyes, rubs her face, and mumbles to herself, “She told me not to tell anybody and now I’m telling the first people that I…” She lets out a sigh and reluctantly speaks, “There’s a Firefly base camp somewhere out west with doctors. They’re working on a cure.”

Joel immediately groans in frustration, “I’ve heard this before.” Ellie continues, “And whatever happened to me,” and at the same time she and Joel say, “is the key to finding the vaccine.”

He sighs in exasperation, “That’s what this is? We’ve heard this a million times. Vaccines, miracle cures. None of it works. Ever.”

Ellie stands up, “Fuck you, man. I didn’t ask for this.”

“You and me both.” The grouch turns to his partner and says, “This isn’t gonna end well, Tess. We need to go back.”

You then remember after all those essays and news articles about your pandemic, the time when everything felt so hopeless and scary. You look at Joel and you see a reflection of your own, his fear and panic, “It’s possible.”

They both turn to you and you continue, “Theoretically, it’s possible to create a fungi vaccine, however, I’m not even sure you have the technology to produce it. And it would take finding out what Ellie truly is. Either Ellie’s immune system mutated and created antibodies to fight against the Cordyceps or something else… But either way, a vaccine or maybe a cure could be possible now because of her.”

Tess stands up, as do you, and looks at Ellie for a moment, then to Joel to say, “Let’s just finish it. It doesn’t matter if she is what the Fireflies or what an alien says.”

“I’m human.” You grumble and Tess ignores you, “If they believe that she is then we get what we want.”

Joel gives a glare at Ellie and then shifts his gaze to you, he sighs and shakes his head, “If she so much as twitches.”

Ellie proceeds to make gurgling noises and movements to pretend as if she’s turning into an infected. Tess turns to look at her and scolds in a motherly fashion, “Don’t.” You try and hold in your laugh and the young girl clears her throat, scratches the back of her neck, and mumbles, “Yeah… okay.”

Tess then turns to Joel, “Okay?”

Defeated, Joel swings his arms open and whispers, “Okay.”

The foreshadowing of the fact it will not be okay in the next few moments had you feeling nauseous. The churning fear begins to bubble inside of you, Tess is going to die, albeit a noble and honorable death, but it still would hurt Joel, and Ellie as she slowly grows more fond of the older woman. Then, it hit you, is it possible to change what already was written? Could you save them all? Well, you’re already here, might as well try.

The three of them begin to pack their belongings as you awkwardly stand there with your hands in your pockets and watch as they prepare for the journey to the State House. The sound of Joel picking up his gun catches Ellie’s interest, “Can I have a gun?”

“Absolutely not.”

“No.”

“Okay. Fine. Jesus. I’ll have to throw a fucking sandwich at them.” Ellie then shoves the leftover sandwich into her bag and Joel goes to the giant bookshelf, which is blocking the door, to the side, then peaks out of the door to check if it’s safe. You hear the sound of birds chirping and feel the warmth of the light flood in the abandoned building.

“It’s clear.”

Following Ellie from behind, you begin walking slowly toward the light and into the apocalyptic city. Your eyes take in the sight of tilted, destroyed, buildings, overgrown plants, trees, abandoned cars, and trucks. A hauntingly beautiful sight if you were being honest.

Ellie gasps in wonder as she takes it all in, “Woah.” Tess looks over at her and says, “Yeah, looks different in the daylight, huh?” Joel quickly scans the area, “We should get moving.” Tess begins to take the lead, followed by Ellie then you, while Joel trails from behind.

“It’s like a fucked up moon.” Ellie moves towards a crater and peers over it, “Is this where they bombed?”

“Yeah, they hit most of the big cities like this. They had to slow the spread somehow.” Tess says and Joel continues to walk past it, ignoring the crater and any kind of conversation. “Worked here, but it didn’t in most places.”

Unconsciously, you begin humming to the tune of a Linda Ronstadt song. The last song you ever heard before sleeping. Continuing up to a ruined building, with debris blocking your path, “So the State House is across there. It’s about a ten-minute walk if you could go straight.”

Ellie looks at both of them and you wonder how the fuck you were gonna defeat the clickers later on with no weapon, “So…”

“Long way or short way?” Joel asks Tess, she holds the straps of her backpack and the wind blows through her hair, “I mean, it’s a long way or the we’re-fucking-dead way.”

“Well, I vote a long way just based on that limited information,” Ellie says dryly, and Joel stares at her, a puzzled expression on his face, then his eyes lands on you, waiting for your input.

You frown at him, “No, don’t look at me like that. I’m not giving you any spoilers.” Joel clenches his jaw and turns to Tess, “We have to check it from the hotel first.” She begins to walk away, “Okay.”

You walk along the highway in somewhat comfortable silence, you carefully look to the ground and see a giraffe plushie, the symbolism doesn’t escape you, knowing all too well what it meant. Moss and different kinds of plants grow over the cracks of the road, you spot branches atop abandoned cars and dust covers the windows of each door.

Tess and Ellie begin conversing in front of the group, while you and Joel follow from a distance. You look at Joel and say, “I’m sorry if I overstepped a while ago. I couldn’t prove it unless I told you something only you knew.”

He looks at you in an emotion you can’t quite understand, but still responds in his grumpy demeanor, “Just don’t bring it up again.” You quickly nod, “Mhm, noted.”

It was quiet for a bit until, to your surprise, he asks you, “What did you do for work?” The smile was so difficult to hold back, you chuckle and raise your eyebrows, “I’m… well, was a Quantum physicist. You were a carpenter right?”

“It kinda’ freaks me out how you know that off the top of your head.” His Texan accent heavy as he spoke, you knew that it would take time to build his trust. His reserved and security-oriented nature would prove to be a challenge, but something you wholeheartedly would take on, “I’ll try not to do it as much, I’m sorry.”

“You apologize too much.”

“It’s a habit I’m trying to break, to be honest.” You chuckle nervously, putting your hands in the pockets of your cargo pants, and continue to walk, watching and hearing bits of conversation from Tess and Ellie.

“I thought you were some sort of’ performer, a singer maybe, with all that hummin’ you were doin’ awhile ago.”

That catches you off guard and you feel the confusion form on your face and you begin to feel your face feel warm, “What?” Joel continues, “You were hummin’ to Linda Ronstadt, right? Haven’t heard that song in a while.” You stared at him in complete disbelief, “You heard me humming?”

As he was about to reply, you and him managed to catch up to Ellie and Tess to overhear their conversation, “How old are you?” Ellie replies, “Fourteen.” Tess hums and smirks at the kid, “Wow. Well, I mean you got some balls on you, sister.”

“Thanks,” Ellies says and follows after Tess, climbing over the flipped rusted car. You follow their movements and Joel does too.

Tess curiously looks over her shoulder at Ellie and continues her walk forward, “Nobody is gonna come after you, right? Like Mom, Dad, boyfriend?”

“I’m an orphan, and, uh, no.” Ellie takes a look around her surroundings and lets her hand brush on the tall grass growing from the cracks of the pavement, “Everyone said the open city was crazy. Like, swarms of infected running around everywhere.”

Joel humors her, “Not exactly like that.” Tess smiles, “You know people like to tell stories.”

“So there aren’t super-infected that explode fungus spores on you?” Ellie curiously asks with a somewhat happy tone, as if all of this doesn’t scare her. Fearless is what you conclude, a trait that could be good when at its best but dangerous and reckless at its worse. “Shit, I hope not,” Tess says.

“Or ones with split-open heads that see in the dark like bats?” Ellie asks and that causes a shift in Tess, Joel, and your demeanor. Fucking clickers. And on queue, you hear the screeching of the devil’s spawn in the distance. The whole group stills and Ellie shakily asks, “What was that?”

Joel doesn’t reply, instead, he just says, “Let’s keep movin’.”

Joel pushes the doors of the hotel open, loudly shrieking as he does, and all three of you are greeted with the sight of the flooded hotel. It was almost swamp-like due to the green water, lily pads floating, and the ducks and frogs swimming.

Ellie takes a spin and looks at the view with a childlike wonder you wish you still had, “You’ve got to be kidding me! You ever stay in a place like this?” “Uh, no, a little out of our league.” Tess says and Joel looks at Ellie and asks, “How do you even know what this is?” Being the smartass that she throws him a look and says, “Have you heard of books?”

You chuckle as Joel shakes his head and walks down into the murky water, “Wait we’re going in there?” Ellie asks, and Tess nods, “Yeah, we gotta get to the stairwell on the other side.” The kid takes a step back, “Well, I don’t… I don’t know how to swim.” Joel lifts an eyebrow, “Seriously?”

“Do you think we have pools in the QZ?” Ellie says with narrowed eyes. “No, smart-ass. I mean…”, Joel does a little jump into the water, it does a small splash when he does. “I don’t know how I was supposed to know that,” Ellie says as she walks down the steps and into the water, you follow behind her and Tess.

You four wade through the green murky water, “This is so gross.” Ellie says with a huge smile on her face and you can’t help but laugh, “This is disgusting.” The fourteen-year-old spots the concierge desk and makes her way over, “Oh, check it out!”

You place both of your hands on your hips and watch her mess with the call bell, “Ding, ding.” She begins to do her form of roleplay for her entertainment and to cure her boredom, “Yes sir. I would like your finest suite, please.”

“Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to take your luggage?”, she proceeds to answer her own question and pushes the hotel bell cart through the water, “Yes, ma’am. Right away ma’am…”

“You’re a weird kid.” Joel states, Ellie turns her head to look at him, “You’re a weird kid.” Something falls over, a sloshing sound indicating that it had fallen in front of Ellie causing her to jump back and bang the piano behind her and yelp, “Oh, fuck!”

You and Joel are quick to come to her side to see what it was. A skeleton lay there unmoving and rotten, your eyes raise to look at Ellie panting and clutching onto the hotel bell cart, “Oh, my god.” Joel kicks the skull and the kid mumbles, “Uh, sorry.”

Joel offers his hand to help Ellie back up and the sound of the honky-tonk piano creates sharp notes as she stands, Joel pulls back his hand once Ellie can manage on her own and begins to walk away.

You look to Joel, “How’s the hand?” He looks down at it as it shakes again, “It’ll heal.” Your face forms a frown and you shake your head, “That doesn’t answer my question.” Joel doesn’t respond and decides to continue and you simply follow.

“You okay?” Tess asks Ellie, and the young girl wades through the water like nothing happened, “Yep. Fucking Fabulous.”

After ten flights of stairs you finally made it to the top floor, Joel goes through the doorway first, while Tess takes a moment to catch her breath, “Fuck. Holy shit.”

You’re a little breathless, but not as much as Tess since you were a bit younger than her. “Come on, it wasn’t that bad.” Ellie says teasingly and Tess shoots her a look, “You try climbing ten fuckin’ floors with our knees. See how you feel.”

You turn right to a hallway, to see a giant obstruction made out of the rubble, “Well, when the fuck did that happen?” Tess tries to push the door to her right, only to be blocked. You try to check the door to the left to find the same outcome, you sigh “No.”

“All right, well, I mean, maybe I could climb up there. Work my way around and open it from the inside?” Ellie peers around the rocks, “Uh, no. Well, I’m the smallest, so it’d be easier for me to get through.” Tess hums, “But you die and we get nothing. You stay.”

“I could help.” You say a little meek, Tess is a little intimidating and you feel so out of place like you’re intruding. Technically, you aren’t supposed to be in this mess. She takes a good look at you and says, “Yeah, no.”

You deflate a little and avoid trying to argue, Tess turns to Joel and asks for help, “Can you give me a hand?” Joel pulls back Ellie with the strap of her backpack and she sighs, then Joel tugs your jacket sleeve to do the same. Your face warms a little bit, it’s the first time he’s ever touched you.

Joel boosts up Tess over the pile of rubble and she climbs over, “You good up there?” Tess analyzes the mess she needs to clean up and replies, “Yeah. It’s a bit of a mess, so I’m gonna need a few minutes.”

Joel turns around to face you and Ellie, he adjusts his gun and lets his back slide against the wall to sit down across from both of you. Ellie has her arms resting on her knees while you decide to sit comfortably cross-legged.

Ellie takes out her knife and decides to play with it, tossing it in her hands as if it were just a pen and not something that could easily cut her if she commits a mistake. You watch everything play out just like it did in the episode—character development.

“Nice knife,” Joel says as his eyes follow the movement of Ellie’s tossing. She only glances at him with acknowledgment. “Where’d you learn to do that?” he asks, you gotta hand it to him for trying to make an effort.

She replies with a monotone voice, “The circus.”

Joel looks away exasperated and completely done with her bullshit. You try and hide your smile, but the slight crease in your eyes gives away your amusement. Ellie folds her knife, and as Joel sighs, the kid decides to give an olive branch, “Where are you from?”

“Texas.” He replies, and Ellie continues, “What about Tess?”

“Detroit. It’s in Michigan.”

If there’s anything she hated most, was the fact people underestimate her intelligence, she rolls her eyes and Ellie’s reply comes out harsh, “I go to school. I know where Detroit is.”

Her response causes a wave of silence between the three of you. Your eyes drift from Joel to Ellie, she then decides it’s your turn to be interrogated, “Are you from the future?”

Your mouth twists a little to the right before deciding on a good enough answer, “Sort of? Your technology stopped advancing in 2003, so, I guess I am?” This piques her interest, “So, what’s it like over there?”

You pick the dirt off the underside of your fingernails, a little nervous, or if not nervous then cautious, as you respond, “Almost the same. Our technology is way different though.”

“Different how?” She asks.

You give her a soft smile and respond, “Well, for starters, we have touch screens for phones, laptops, tablets, you name it, it probably has a touch screen.”

“No way,” Ellie says with her eyes full of amazement and wonder, “What else?”

You give a hum as you teasingly tell her, “I don’t know… it might blow your tiny little mind.” She blows a raspberry in your face and you stick your tongue out in retaliation.

“Come on! Wait, you said we were just characters in some kind of story?” She says dramatically and tugs the sleeve of your jacket and continues, “What did you mean by that?”

Your eyes shift to look at Joel, who has his full attention on you; simply waiting. You blink owlishly at him, once, then twice before settling on a response, “Yeah, um, it recently aired.”

“So, do you know the future? Like our future? What’s about to happen? Will we be able to make a cure or a vaccine?” You couldn’t keep up with her rapid questions, and your mouth slightly parts open. Should you tell them?

Can you change the fact Tess is practically minutes away from death? That Joel is about to make the worst mistake of his life? That Bill and Frank are… that they…

Luckily, you didn’t need to answer Ellie, Joel who senses your unease, steps in for you, “Ellie, stop askin’ her about her life, she doesn’t wanna give anythin’ up.” You look at him apologetically and shut your eyes for a while. This migraine keeps bothering you, a sharp, heavy, thump in the side of your brain hasn’t gone away. You tell yourself that it eventually will. Maybe.

Ellie focuses her attention back to Joel, “So you two like a…”

“Pass.” He says.

Ellie continues, “How’d you end up in Boston?”

“Pass. No more questions about me.” Ellie rolls her eyes at him and racks her brain for a different question, “How long do infected live?” Joel mocks Ellie in reply, “Oh, I thought you went to school.”

“It’s a really shitty one.” She snarkily replies. You smile at their banter with your eyes closed, enjoying the conversation that they have going on. Joel thinks for a moment before answering her, “Well, some last about a month or two. But there’s other’s been walkin’ about 20 years.”

Ellie fidgets with her knife again, “You ever kill one?”

You hear the slight sorrow in his voice, “Yeah, I’ve killed lots of them.” Ellie asks the most human question as she looks at the older man, “Was it hard? Like, knowing they were people once?”

You open your eyes to watch his gaze look away from the kid, memories come back to him, what he’s done and will continue to do, and he nods, “Sometimes.”

“What about that guy last night?” She asks, and you frown while he gives Ellie a stern look. You knew Ellie liked the fact Joel hurt the FEDRA guard to protect her. She loved it. Luckily Joel doesn’t have to respond, you could hear the sound of something approaching you. The loyalist immediately stands up, and you and Ellie get up to stand next to Joel, he puts his finger to the trigger of his gun, ready to protect you both from whatever is out there.

“You can put the gun down, Joel,” Tess calls out from a distance, and a tingle of jealousy moves through your bones like electricity. She knew him so well, to the point where she knew what he was going to do before doing it. They both loved each other without admitting it, and it hurts you. They never stood a chance.

You hear the quiet rumble of Tess pushing away the debris to open the door, the loud creak of metal reveals her face, and it’s full of worry. Joel reads her like a book, “What now?” Then Tess nods her head, signaling to follow her.

As you make your way upstairs, you take notice of the abandoned wine glass and dishes, the dust that coats every inch of the hotel, and the fallen chairs. Tess pulls back a plastic curtain for you and Ellie to walk through, only to be greeted by the view of hundreds of infected down below.

“There’s so many,” Ellie comments in disbelief, you can hear the cries and wailing of each Runner as they roll and crawl. The young girl leans a little forward to get a better view. Tess nods, “The last time we were here they were still deep inside the buildings. Then I guess enough people came through looking for the QZ they went inside seeking shelter, and that’s how they get more and more of the city bit by city year after year.”

As the clouds pass by, the sun shines through a little, overwhelming light shines over the infected, they screech and roll away, like a domino effect. “They’re connected,” Ellie says, and Tess nods in confirmation, “More than you know. The fungus also grows underground. Long fibers like wires, some of them stretching over a mile.”

If you weren’t so focused on listening to Tess explain the cordyceps, you would have felt Joel staring at you the whole time, observing how you were taking all of the information being shared. You were surprisingly calm, despite the fact zombies are now real and you could die. And possibly a little worried like you were anticipating something bad was going to happen.

Tess continues, “Now you step on a patch of cordyceps in one place and you can wake a dozen infected from somewhere else. Now they know where you are, now they come. You’re not immune from being ripped apart. You understand? It’s important. I’m trying to keep you alive.”

Ellie nods and you do too, even if the question wasn’t directed at you. “So we’re not going that way.” She states, and Tess agrees, “No.”

“What do we do then? Short way?” Ellie asks and Joel looks at Tess, and speaks the dreaded words you’ve heard before, “Museum.”

A/N: Trust me, I’m working double time on the next one if this is received well :,) Thank you for reading! See ya in the next chapter <3

Next Chapter ->

#joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x poc!reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal #tlou #tlou remake #tlou rewrite #tlou series #joel miller x reader series #joel miller x reader tlou #tlouhbo #the last of us rewrite #joel miller x modern reader #joel miller x reader au

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anamericangirl · 8 months

Note

During the height of pandemic, I was among the people who didn't like anti-vaxxers because they claimed outlandish things. I remember getting into an argument with an anti-vaxxer who claimed that vaccines will make your heart explode or something. He deleted his comment quickly after but I was thoroughly unimpressed.

However, I wonder: why were you all against vaccines, masks and COVID-19 restrictions? What made you think that this is all bullshit and I should resist this?

We were against the mandates, mostly. If someone wanted to get the vaccine or wear a mask then fine they have the freedom to do it but making everyone do it is an unconstitutional restriction of liberty.

The government has no right to force people to take an experimental medicine. People were banned on social media and censored for asking questions about the vaccine. They were being punished for not blindly following what they were told to believe. We were told the vaccines were perfectly safe and there was no risk but there was no way they could know that because it was a completely new and untested medicine and there was absolutely no research or knowledge on long term effects. And it turns out the “anti-vaxxers” were right about pretty much everything. The vaccine doesn’t stop the spread or protect people from covid and if it did why the hell do you need to get three or four of those shots in a single year?

We know now there are some risks with the vaccine. Myocarditis can result from it and it’s something even the CDC quietly admitted to after a while. There is a risk of myocarditis especially in young people and they still encouraged people to have their kids vaccinated even though children are the demographic least threatened by covid.

And still, “anti-vaxxers” were treated as evil and dangerous. Threatened, even by the White House, with a winter of “severe death” that never happened. They were blamed, censored, mocked, and people even called for their death and for them to be put into “reeducation camps.”

Masks don’t work like they claimed either. There have been multiple studies, again quietly, published admitting this to be the case. And it’s something we knew even before the ridiculous mandates came down. And no one should have been forced to wear one. Ever.

And the restrictions were authoritarian and unnecessary and completely unconstitutional. Covid, from the very beginning, had an over 97% recovery rate and there was no justification for mandating people be locked up in their homes for what turned out to be way more than two weeks.

And they did it all under the guise of “oh we have to for your own good we’re saving lives!” When they weren’t. Nothing they made anyone do prevented the spread or helped at all and they knew it from the very beginning.

If it was really as bad as they said why were people arrested for going to church, having funerals, or visiting family in the hospital but not for engaging in violent riots across the country and why wasn’t anything done to stop people from flooding across the border illegally?

It should be resisted because it’s a violation of your rights and it was all a lie.

#anon #answered

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lord-of-the-prompts · 2 years

Text

A-Z ALTERNATE UNIVERSE IDEAS:

afterlife

alien invasion

all female

all human

alpha/beta/omega dynamics

always a different gender/sex

amnesia

ancient era

angels & demons

animal shelter

another world

antique shop

apocalypse

army

arranged marriage

artists

art school

asgard

assassins & hitmen

atlantis

babysitters

bakery

ballet

blind date

boarding school

bodyswap

bookstore

bounty hunters

boxers

boy band

british

celebrity

character/actor swap

christmas

circus

civil war

coffee shops/cafes

college

cowboys & aliens

covid 19 pandemic

creatures & monsters

crime

criminals

cults

dance battle

dark fantasy

detective partners

different first meeting

different powers

dragon age

dungeons & dragons

dystopian

elfland

enemies to friends to lovers

everyone lives/nobody dies

faerie

fairytale

fake dating

fake relationship

fandom fusion

fans & fandom

fantasy

farm/ranch

firefighters

fix-it

flower shop

foster family

futuristic society

gangster

gang world

genderbending

genderswap

genie/djinn

ghost hunters

gladiators

gods & goddesses

gothic

guardian angel

harry potter and 1400s witch trials

heaven & hell

hollywood

horse racing

highschool

historical

hogwarts

homless

hospital

hunger games arena

ice skating/ice dancers

immortal

journalism

kings & queens

k-pop

laboratory

lawers

lifeguards

law enforcement

mafia

magic

magical creatures

medical

medieval fantasy

merepeople

military

mob

model/photographer

modern setting

monster hunters

mortal

muggle

mutants

multiverse

murder mystery

mythology

navy

neighbours

never met

ninjas

noir

noir detective

non-famous

non-magical

non-mutant

no powers

not related

no time travel

office

olympus

online dating

ordinary people

orphanage

paramedics

perspective change

pirate

podcast hosts

pompeii

powerswap

post-apocalyptic

prison ecsape

prom

psycics

quest

quidditch

radioshow hosts

reincarnation

renaissance

restaurant

road trip

roaring twenties

robot uprising

rock star

roller derby

role swap/reversal

roommates

royalty

scientists

shakespeare

shapeshifter

siblings

shipwreck

single parent

snowed in

soulmates

space

spies & secret agents

spirits

spy

spyfi

steampunk

summer camp

sun flairs

superhero

supernatural

supernatural elements

tattoo parlour

theatre

thieves

time loops

time travel

trojan war setting

twins

urban fantasy

university

valhalla

vampire slayer

vegas

victorian era

video game world

vigilante

vikings

wedding planners

werecreatures

werewolf

western

witchcraft

world war i/world war ii

wormhole

youtubers

zombie apocalypse

#writing prompt #writing ideas #writing tips #creative writing #writers of tumblr #writers block #writing things #writing #writing advice #writing inspiration #alternate universe #fanfic aus #fanfic #fanfiction

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friendly-neighborhood-furry · 2 months

Text

sometimes the state of the world makes me want to go outside and scream as loud as i can for help. sometimes it makes me want to crawl deep into a hole and never come back out again. sometimes it makes me want to fall to my knees and sob uncontrollably. sometimes it seems so hopeless that i cant see any better alternative other than just disappearing.

so much evil and destruction and suffering-- and for what?

what is it all for?

for the latest popular billionare to take a 13 minute flight? for the newest remake of a movie that changed my life to get turned into mindless sludge? for a never-before-seen species of animal to be discovered, then pronounced extinct the very next week? for millions of people to go broke for having cancer?

i tell my mother that i wont be able to afford a house. she says "no, you will." i tell my counselor that my government wants to kill me. she says "that's not true." i tell my teachers i don't see a point in doing well in school because i wont be able to get a job anyway, even if i have a college degree. they tell me "no, you'll get a job. school is still important." i email my senators begging them to stop funding the genocide in Palestine. i get a copy-pasted email back with a history lesson about why that wont happen. one million people died from COVID last Christmas and i'm the only one at my school still wearing a mask. my future as an artist was ripped from my hands in less than two years and pretty soon i wont be able to share anything about my art at all. i'm half mexican, but everybody says i'm "too white" to be a "real mexican". its been four years and i'm nowhere closer to understanding my gender identity than i was at the start. tumblr has been my only safe space for three years and now that KOSA might pass this week, where will i go?

and all the while, through all of this conflict-- people are still falling in love for the first time and rescuing kittens off the street and watching their children take their first steps and getting married and making fun little indie games and building elaborate cosplays of their favorite character and making the most heart-touchingly beautiful pieces of art you've ever seen and meeting lifelong friends and cooking amazingly delicious food and playing children's games and weaving baskets from pine needles and taking care of livestock and collecting little knick-knacks and having the best day of their lives and writing their first line of code and learning to play instruments and hatching baby birds and posting a 100K word thesis about a show they really like and uploading song covers for 19 people on Youtube to listen to and pushing the boundaries of what science can accomplish and discussing moral philosophies in the comment section of a Reddit post and feeling truly seen in the eyes of another human being for the first time in their lives and growing old surrounded by the people they love.

the future is uncertain, but the world will go on. the winds will still blow and the tides will still flow. people will continue to find joy in this hell and fight for it with everything they have.

so don't give up.

"don't give up," i tell myself.

"don't give up," i tell you.

"don't give up," i scream into the sky.

there is always something to keep going for. if you cannot find it in yourself, find it in others. find it in the people in your life and the people you see online. find it in the good of humanity you know to exist.

find it. keep fighting. don't give up.

#at the end of it all i do consider myself a poet #if this reaches even one person #and gives them the strength to keep going #i would consider it a success #tomothy rambles #serious post #gen z #capitalism #climate change #palestine #free palestine #lgbtqia+#queer #trans #vent #mental health #anxiety #depression

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rennorthernlights · 4 months

Text

The World We Knew

Chapter 1: Radioheart, Chapter 2, Chapter 3,

Trigger warnings; Zombies, mentions of death, very brief mention of suicide in the very beginning.

You can also go to AO3 for RenNorthenLights. I post more on there than here. If you go to my AO3 than PLEASE look at the tags for this fic! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

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October-ish, 2023. Time??? Location???

It’s become almost routine now.

Waking up at the ass crack of dawn, checking her backpack, cleaning her rifle, making sure the ‘room’ she’s in is safe. Over a year ago she wouldn’t be up this early. Over a year ago she wouldn’t even be touching her fathers rifle without permission. But life has a funny way of throwing curve balls. In this sense, life threw a massive curve ball at everyone and everything. The world as she knew it become sick with disease— No, not COVID-19, though many speculated that it was the reason, the beginning of it all. No it was the dead-come-back-to-life-and eat-your-face kinda disease. Normally people bring up that type of disease in conversations with speculations on the “what if” scenarios of what they’d do.

Many of her college friends all had plans and ideas and yet most of them now roam the streets looking for the next person to chomp on. Ironic isn’t it? She never believed she’d live this long hell many times the conversation of “Quick a zombie apocalypse happens! What do you do?!” She’d laugh and says she’d die in the next month or two. To which her friends would moan and groan because surely “You wouldn’t give up so easily?? Come onnnn what would you actually do.” She’d think it over and before putting much thought, she said.

“I’d kill myself.” Her friends went silent before laughing at how serious she sounded and even she laughed. A good banter back and forth as her college friends sipped on cheap booze. “No, no, but in all seriousness. I’d stay with my parents. My dads a police Captain after all. He’s taught me how to shoot before I could write and my ma… well she’ll probably teach me something.” Snorting a chuckle since her moms a teacher. One of her friends asks what she’d do if her parents became zombies.

“Well I guess I’d try to find groups to stay in. What do y’all think? I guess I’d put up with y’all.” Nudging her friend playfully on the shoulder. Laughter in the room as the music starts playing and the cheep booze starts kicking in. As her friends dance and sing to “Only Girl in the World” by Rihanna she sits on the couch in deep thought. Her drink in hand as she thinks bout her life. Thinks about her finals coming up and how she’s gotta take all the tests to become a nurse. Both her parents were exceptionally happy that she didn’t follow in their footsteps.

“I love kids but please… do not become a teacher.” Her mother sounded so exhausted when they spoke early on the phone. “And don’t become a police officer!” Her father yells in the background. The running joke for every phone call even though her parents are well aware that she’s going to be a nurse. She’s been deadset on it since she was a kid. She doesn’t plan on telling her ma that she’s gonna try and apply to be the school nurse where her ma works. Sipping her booze some more as the apple news on her phone pings “Reports of a New Virus, Scientists say… ”

She huffs, reading the first couple of paragraphs before getting bored and exiting out of the article. “Probably another variant of COVID. Great another shot I’m gonna have to take.” Turning her phone off and chugging her drink before she starts dancing with her giggly and much too drunk friends.

————————————————————

Oh how life turned so fast and so quickly the following week. Nearly half of the friends in the room became the first percentages of “Turned” and the other half “Missing, have you seen them?” She barely made it out herself. But that’s life. Cruel and beautiful and so, so lonely in the world she now knows. She stays too long thinking about it and she’ll drown. She doesn’t want to think about her friends, her home, her… family. It’s still too much even after all this time. Even with it being well over a year it still hurts.

Shaking her head of those thoughts as she gets situated. Glad that she triple checked the ‘room’ she’s in. Her anxiety has been through the roof these last couple days and every lil noise is having her jump. At least she can put her mind at ease since she’s checked and barricaded the exit. A couple deads outside that she handled quickly. Who knew that she’s be so proficient with a bat and knife? She’s a good shot but before a to keep her rifle hidden. Not many bullets being made anyways..

She turns her radio on as she waits for it to come to life. For months she been speaking on it. Using it as a dairy of sorts, it helps her when she feels the loneliest. Helps when the days feel colder than what it typically does in Texas. She spoke and spoke until one day it started speaking back. The man on the radio commented how he’s been hearing her speak and at first, he and his group thought it was a hoax since they couldn’t get the radio to work. She didn’t speak on it for days, but the men would still speak back and call out to her.

Finally, she worked up the courage to speak back and from then on, they’ve become a part of her routine. Once a day around noon they’d speak. She has her rules, No names, no locations, no descriptions. She doesn’t want to get attached only to one day not hear them speak back again. She doesn’t need another name added to her list of grief. That, and as much as she wants to trust them, she knows that humans can be just as dangerous if not more so.

“Static, come in Static.” She grins as she sits in the office room that she’s been sleeping in. Stretching her legs as she’s never gotten used to the floors even after all this time. Her legs stiff as her other hand rubs her knee. The radio crinkles and scratches until finally.

“Must you keep calling me that?” The man speaks, the heavy Scottish accent shining through, and she can just tell he’s grinning. “I’ve told ya, mah name is Joh- “

“No,” she cuts him off as she clicks on the button. “No names. I don’t... I don’t want to hear it, please.” She’s told him before that she doesn’t want to hear his name. He’s been understanding but sometimes he’ll still try it... The thought that there is an actual person behind the radio scares her and intrigues her. Hearing someone even through all this mess makes it all bearable even if it’s just by a little bit. “Don’t make me ‘hang up’.” A lighthearted threat. She wouldn’t actually do that. She needs her daily talks with them.

“I know, Bonnie, I know,” the voice speaks with understanding. The man knows all too well on why it’s easier to stay nameless, easier to not be attached incase the voice one day doesn’t speak back. “But one day I would love ta hear my name from your pretty voice.” The voice chuckles, “Where are ya now?” A hopeful tinged to his voice.

“You know I don’t give locations, Static.” Singing back her words with a furrow of her brow. “But… I’m in an office building.”

“Ah, I see that’s become a fan favorite of yours.” A tease in the man’s voice. “Oh, it seems my friend wants to speak to ya.” Her eyes perk up as she knows who is about to speak.

“Electricity!” She smiles big and she just knows Static is rolling his eyes.

“Sunshine haven’t heard from you since, Static,” emphasizing the other man’s nickname and she can practically hear the glare. “has been hogging you.” Electricity, as she’s been calling him even though he’s also tried to get her to call him by his name, has a much softer voice. Calmer and levelheaded compared to Static who's more outgoing and louder. She’s called them the duo 1 and duo 2 before she called them Static and Electricity. Much to their annoyance and amusement, much better than her other idea of calling them Thing 1 and Thing 2.

“Well next time hit him or something.” She smiles as she can hear Static mouthing off something. Probably Static telling him where she’s been in for a bit. “In an office building again? That seems to be your usual, yeah?” The man speaks lowly. His words concerned and yet with the subtleness of memorizing something.

“Am I that predictable, Electricity? She stands up from where she was sitting. “Static said something similar.”

“Not predictable just doing what you always do, Sunshine.”

“That’s… That means I’m being predictable.” She teases as he stammers.

“No, no, I meant that you are more comfortable with what you know to be safe.”

“Soooo predictable with my safety?” She teases as she can hear him muttering “bollocks” like he always does when, she assumes, he is flustered. “I’m pulling your leg, Electricity. Just messing around and being a brat.”

He laughs and sighs in relief. His voice cool like the summer breeze after a rainy day. “So where are you?” His voice sounding slightly insistent.

“No where near you.” Rolling her eyes as they always ask the same questions everytime they talk. “Quit askin, I’m fine on my own. I don’t do groups and you know why.” She’s told them about her run in with the only group she’s been with. Handmaidens Tale meet zombie apocalypse and she barely got out.

“I know, I know, you’ve done well on your own, but a little help goes a long way, Sunny.” Sometimes she wishes she would hate the nicknames that they give her but it does give a warm fuzziness in her stomach whenever they say it. Sighing as she speaks back. “Oh yes because you’re military right?” A bit of sarcasm in her voice as this is one of her questions that she always asks.

“Taskforce 141, Special Operation Forces, you already know this, Lass.” The other man speaks making her jolt. Guess he was listening in when she was speaking to Electricity.

“Yeah, yeah, just making sure you’re not lying and trying to sound more badass than you both already do.” Remarking quickly as a light blush spread on her face. The way he’s speaking sounds deeper. Like she’s in trouble somehow and he’s going to correct her.

“We know, Sunshine, we know you just want to be safe. It’s hard to trust especially with the dead around.” Electricity’s speaks softly, the cool to Static’s heat, “But to say it again; Joh— I mean, Static, is a Sergeant and I am also a Sergeant. Static is an expert in demolitions and trained as a sniper. I myself am an expert with prime target eliminations and covert surveillance.” He says it so sincerely and she has half a mind to believe him.

“And why are you all the way in Texas then?” They’ve told her how they moved up here and she knows the reason, but she wants them to say it again.

“We received word that a base, Fort Sam Houston, was working on a cure for the zombie virus. The BAMC is a hospital within that fort that was conducting research.” Electricity sites off the very thing that they’ve repeated for the last month.

“And?” She makes a go on motion that they can’t see but she knows that they can imagine that’s what she’s doing.

“But when we got there it was already over run and Kyl— I mean Electricity almost got killed in the process.” Static says, he sounds upset. “We’ve been over this, Lass. We tell you about the same things over and over again.” A hushed murmur from Electricity is heard and she starts feels bad.

“I know… I’m sorry, I just...” she starts off as she tries to not sound upset. “I just want to make sure that I can trust you. Last time I did...”

“Handmaidens tale, you’ve told us about it. The leader, Abraham, is a far-right Christian, yes?” Static says the man’s name and she shivers as she gives a tiny yes in reply. “He tried to keep you. To force you to stay with his group and be treated as a... how did you say it?”

“A breading cow.”

“Yes, that,” he sighs deeply on the radio, and she wonders what he and Electricity looks like. Wonders if they are as comforting as their warm voices. Wonders if they have beards or stubbles but her self-imposed rules keep her from asking. “I know it’s a lot, learnin ta trust when it's hard to. We’ve promised since the beginnin ta be honest and if I ever see him.” The threat is laced in his voice but he clears his throat. “Enough of that. We are finally moving to Houston. We acquired a car. A Jeep to be more precise. Any chance we’ll be near ya?”

“You might be…” she says softly as she bites her tongue. The urge to let them come to her gets harder and harder to say no to everyday they speak. “I don’t give locations, Static.”

“I know but can’t blame a man for trying. Oh?” She can hear his eyebrows furrowing as voices in the background speak. They’ve told her that they are a group of 4 in total. She’s never heard the other 2 speak but she can sometimes hear them… they sound funny. “It seems we have to cut this shorter, Bonnie.”

“We’ll speak again tomorrow, Sunshine, we promise.” The other man promises, and she knows they will. They’ve never broken a promise. Never did more than what they couldn’t do from the month that they’ve talked.

“I’ll see you both tomorrow and please,” she stresses the word as she hopes and prays that one day they can meet. That she’ll be brave enough to let them in and find her. “Please be safe. Please don’t get hurt, okay? I’ll metaphorically hit you, I swear I will.”

“Always, Bonnie, we will always be safe. Take care and check corners and windows. Make sure you can quickly get’n and out. Don’t go’n if your gut tells ya not to.” Static says, listing off his advice like he would to a fresh-faced recruit. “Don’t play fair and don’t play kind. Everyone’s an enemy until proven otherwise.” He waits a couple seconds before he passes it to the other man.

“Make sure to pack light and that you can easily grasp your weapon.” Electricity warns. A deep sigh from him before he speaks, “And if you ever… if you ever need help, just... please just tell us. We’ll do whatever we can to come for you, okay?” He waits and waits for her to speak but when she doesn’t, he sighs. He waits another minute and then the radio turns to static signaling the end of their conversation.

“I know,” she says softly as she hears the static of the radio. “Be safe, please be safe.” She murmurs the bits of name that she has overheard them say. Going against her own rules of not saying their names even though she knows it’s half of what their names are. She’s gotten too attached and now… now she’s worried. Worried for men she’s never met and probably never will.

“One can dream,” she rolls her shoulders and bends to stretch. Her stomach growling as she knows it’s about time to eat. Pulling her backpack on the office desk and opening it. A couple cans of food and jerky from gas stations. 2 water bottles and a simple medkit along with an extra shirt and pants. “Okay… raviolis or beans….” Humming as sits and pops open the beans. “I’ll save the raviolis for a special day.”

She’s sat for too long on her ass now it’s time to get a move on. Can’t stay for too long in the same places. Always gotta keep moving to different places. Curse the anxiety that still makes her think that a zombie is around every corner. Guess that’s what she’s been alive for so long.

#simon ghost riley #johnny mactavish #john price #kyle gaz garrick #141 x reader #poly 141 #ZombieAU #The World We Knew #TWWK #If you go to my AO3 please read the tags #It’s a slow build to when the boys finally meet Reader #No physical descriptions of Reader or a name for Reader #Reader uses She/Her pronouns though #Reader is Texan cause I’m Texan and I haven’t been to most other places so I just set it up in Texas

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maxybabyy · 7 months

Text

Sequel to this maxiel ‘too hot to handle’ au (soft cw for COVID mention and implied unsafe travelling)

Daniel has been living in Max’s London apartment for four months when Max signs on as a Red Bull affiliate sim racer. And Daniel is so happy for him, of course he is. With his newfound celebrity status back in the Netherlands and now this, Max is free to do whatever the hell he wants. But Daniel. Daniel hasn’t really been doing much since ‘too hot to handle’ wrapped up. He does the the odd appearance at events, started up a cameo account, but with Max’s recent breakout, he starts to feel a bit lost, envious that he isn’t getting the same opportunities.

So when he’s offered a spot on the newest season of ‘The Circle’, he accepts.

Max freaks out when he tells him. They’re in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, and if Daniel leaves now, he won’t get back into the country, won’t come back. It causes the biggest fight they’ve ever had.

Max doesn’t yell, but it’s a hard conversation to have, and when Max leaves in frustration, Daniel doesn’t know what to do with himself. Because he has to leave, he can’t not go. He’s in his fucking thirties, and for an influencer like him, that’s pretty much ancient.

Max drives him to the airport, kisses him too wet and tearful. He tells Daniel that he loves him, begs him not to go, and when Daniel doesn’t, turns on his heels and leaves.

Quarantining for the show is tough.

Before Max, Daniel lived on his own in LA, but somehow, the last year has made him unable to be alone. Max still texts him, pictures of the cats, his set-up at the Red Bull facilities, his latest attempt at culinary disaster, but they don’t call.

To make matters worse, Daniel doesn’t win the show. His alliances are quick to get picked apart, and while Jesse – a gorgeous model from Austin, Texas – keeps flirting with him, it doesn’t feel right to flirt back even though he and Max aren’t together anymore. In the end, they call him a catfish and vote him out – a shitty end to an even shittier situation.

He’s offered some gigs around LA, nothing huge but enough to get him on the right lists. And then Netflix approaches him again, this time with their latest dating show – ‘Perfect match’.

He doesn’t say yes right away, knows the implications it will have for his and Max’s relationship, how obvious it will become that they’ve broken up. But like, Daniel isn’t looking for love – already knows where it is, where it was – this is just something that he has to do if he wants to stay relevant.

When you've been on one dating show, you’ve been on them all, Daniel reckons. The cast reminds him too much of the people they met on ‘Too Hot to Handle’ with the added bonus of inflated egos. Even the villa looks the same too, nice but bland with all cultural influence stripped away.

At the end of the first night, he matches with Gabby, a marketing lead from Seattle who has three brothers and loves to surf. She’s sweet and very pretty, touches his arm with her tiny hand when he makes her laugh, and Daniel thinks he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of the weeks getting to know her.

They’re hanging out by the pool, day drinking and chatting. It’s freeing in a way Daniel hasn’t felt since ‘too hot to handle’, since before COVID hit. He loved hanging with Max, with the cats in their apartment and late-night Zoom sessions with Blake and Scotty. But it’s different like this, being around people.

He’s only loosely paying attention when the conversation picks up, “Gabby, you were on ‘Love is blind’, right?” Amy, from a season of ‘The Circle’ before Daniel’s, asks. “So you’re like ready for the real deal, huh? Marriage and all.”

“I mean, that’s why we’re all here, isn’t it?” Gabby says and laughs. “To find our perfect match of course.” Her hand has found its way to Daniel’s leg, slim fingers loose around his ankle, and Daniel doesn’t think, he can’t –

He forces himself to breathe, to laugh along with the crowd and not jerk his leg out of her grip. He waits another few minutes – at least one, it has to be – before he gets up to get another drink. If he lets himself be pulled into a game of beer pong inside, then no one has to know.

With his mind back in the game, Daniel and Gabby win the second challenge of the show and have to send two people off on dates. Daniel is still stuck on the hot peppers he had to eat when Gabby says, “Oh, this guy is cute, in like. An odd sort of way.”

Her nose crinkles when Daniel looks over, laughs at the way it transforms her entire face. “I don’t think that’s a –“ he starts to say when his mouth suddenly slams shut. Because the guy that she’s pointing to, this odd but beautiful creature is Max. His Max. Max Verstappen who is supposed to be back in the UK, test driving fucking Formula One cars.

They don’t pick Max, settles on some guy from a show Daniel hasn’t watched. But it doesn’t matter in the end; Max checks in two challenges later, on the heels of a date with another ‘too hot to handle’ contestant.

They don’t talk.

Max doesn’t approach him, doesn’t even look at him as his date introduces him to the rest of the house. Daniel wouldn’t even know where to start, so he doesn’t. Their season is still new enough that a lot of the people haven’t watched it, don’t know how big of a deal it is that Max isn’t glued to his side.

Gabby kisses his cheek, says, “I’m going to bed, don’t be too late, okay?” and Daniel nods, smiles and takes another sip of his beer, “I’ll be right up, yeah?”

Max isn’t around, but Daniel cannot imagine he’s matched with anyone here, and maybe that’s for the best too. He’ll be sent home, and maybe – maybe then when they’re both back in London, they can talk.

He’s halfway up the stairs when there’s a shout from one of the rooms, the one he’s been living in with Gabby, so he speeds up, takes the stairs two steps of the time until he’s out of breath and leaning against the door frame.

Max is staring at him from the corner of the room, and he looks fucking pissed. Pissed that he had to come all the way over here to get Daniel home, pissed that Daniel agreed to yet another dating show to find his fucking ‘perfect match’ when Max is right here waiting for him.

Daniel doesn’t know what to say. Max still hasn’t said a word to him, staring at him like he’s livid, but a producer is hovering awkwardly around in case it gets violet.

The producer is about to pull Max away when Daniel turns to Gabby and tells her that he chooses Max.

Everyone but Max is stunned. The poor woman, who just wanted to go to sleep, reaches for his hand, tells him softly: “That’s not how this works, Dan. It’s the girls choosing tonight. This is my room, you know this.” Gabby actually genuinely likes him, knows if she doesn’t choose him tonight, they will have to send him home.

But Daniel can’t not choose Max, so he lets himself be pulled from the room, Max’s hand firm on his wrist as they make it down the stairs. The producer doesn’t know what to do with them either, so they point them in the direction of the couch and tell them they’ll figure it out in the morning.

They aren’t sent home.

Max is still pissed, but he is of course Daniel’s perfect match, knows him better than most of these people even know themselves, so they crush all the compatibility challenges. (“This is of course Daniel’s tweet.” “’Tripping balls.’ Always Daniel will say this.” “These emojis are Daniel’s also.”)

They still don’t talk. Daniel is getting increasingly skittish because he doesn’t know where they stand, or how to act around Max.

Then they lose a challenge.

The host tells them they’re playing a version of Seven Minutes in Heaven, that they all have to kiss each other and rate each other’s kisses and the couple with the highest aggregated score will win. Daniel is too distracted to kiss anyone, barely shakes through it when it’s finally his and Max’s turn – their eyes are covered, but Daniel would know him blind, by the way he tastes and the shape of his lips – the worst kiss they’ve ever shared, and it’s still better than any of the other people Daniel’s kissed. Max’s score was equally terrible, reflected only by the fact that he had to be judged by straight guys.

With Maxiel’s streak of winning everything they touch, the couple sees it as their opportunity to split them up, so they send Max off on a date with someone new.

And Daniel’s not. He isn’t worried. Max has made it clear that he is Daniel’s match. He doesn’t watch reality television, and this human centipede of washed-up influencers won’t affect him. Except when Max gets back, it isn’t some ‘Ultimatum’ reject or a celebrity realtor on his arm.

As seen on some Monaco-based dating show, but intimately more known by the two for his presence on ‘Drive to Survive’ because of his brother, Charles looks absolutely enamoured with Max as they walk through the house together.

Max, who’s been starved for any conversation that wasn’t about who could name-drop the biggest celebrity, glues himself to Charles’ side and doesn’t let go.

He still comes back to Daniel’s bed at night, and suddenly Daniel cannot wait any longer. “What are you even doing, Maxy?” He asks, head held in frustrated hands. “Why are you here? Why are you – what are you doing flirting with Charles Leclerc? This has to be the pettiest – “

“This is of course what you want, no?” Max says, too calm for the fucking mood in the room. “Always you want to win, and this I can do.”

“Max, what?” Daniel says, “I don’t just want to win. That’s not –“

“Because if you’re here to find your perfect match, but did not tell me, there is of course no reason I’m here also.”

Daniel is not about to have an emotional breakdown on television (his mum and sister watch everything he does, and they don’t need to see him cry), so he drags Max to a dead spot one of the other matches had found looking for hook-up spots.

Max is still pissed but he listens to Daniel explain how he’d felt back then, lost in their relationship and envious of the offers Max had gotten, how: “I’m getting old, Maxy.”

“You’re not old,” Max says, quick and indignant, natural in his defence of Daniel.

“I am, Maxy.” He says, laughs in a way that’s supposed to be fun and cute, but must drip of self-deprecation. “I’m the oldest one here, and soon they won’t want me anymore. Then what am I supposed to do?”

Max has given little thought to Daniel’s crippling fear of getting older because he of course wants Daniel always, will always think he is handsome. He also doesn’t understand Daniel’s obsession with being famous – an influencer, as the fucking Netflix producer had called him when he contacted him to say Daniel was coming on the show, and would he like to come too? – but he knows Daniel loves what he does, and feeling like he’s failing at that must be terrible.

“Always you should tell me this,” Max says softly, reaches for him until Daniel falls into him. “If it was this important to you, then of course I will support you.”

Daniel breathes out, lets the last of his tension bleed from his body. “I know, Maxy. I was just, I don’t know. Maybe I was embarrassed? You had all this going for you, and I was just at home playing with the cats.”

“Never you should feel like this, Daniel.” Max says and hugs him tighter. “I am so proud of you, and if this is what you want, then you should have it always.”

“While I was in LA, after I did ‘the circle’, someone told me they might have a job for me. Like a pilot season or some shit,” Daniel tells him softly, rests his head on Max’s chest to listen to his heart beating. “It would be out in Austin, but like, it should only be a month, maybe two. But I thought like, maybe if it made sense with Red Bull, you could come with me?”

“Of course, Daniel.” Max is quick to say. “This long-distance thing, I think, is not for us. Always I want to be with you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Daniel says and kisses Max, long and deep just like that first time. “Love you, Maxy.”

“I love you too, Daniel.” Max says, kisses him again before he stands up. “Now, let’s go so we can win this show also.”

#soft subplot where max thinks they were on a break/long-distance this entire time whereas Daniel thinks they broke up in the airport ...#youtuber voice: what neflix show should we turn into a maxiel au next??!?!#maxiel #my writing #too hot to handle au #ficlet #mv33 #dr3

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welovemysty · 3 months

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I had no idea my kids were spoiled brats until COVID-19 hit. While the world was dealing with serious issues like unemployment, poverty, and political unrest, my daughters were only concerned about their social lives.

My grandparents lived through tough times like the Great Depression and World War II. My parents grew up during the Vietnam War and the Civil Rights movement. Compared to them, my childhood was a breeze, and I've been able to provide a comfortable life for my family. My girls have had a privileged upbringing and never lacked anything. But if you listen to them, you'd think they were going through hell.

When they were younger, I used to spank my daughters when they misbehaved. I never wanted to be as harsh as my dad was with me, but this lockdown made me reconsider. So, about a year ago, I made two paddles in my garage, one for each girl. I warned them that their attitudes needed to change, or they'd get a spanking. Their reactions were predictable - dramatic and disrespectful. That's when I gave them their first paddlings.

Since then, their attitudes have improved a lot, and I genuinely believe they're trying to behave. Occasionally, one or both of them slip up and end up bent over in the kitchen, with their panties down, getting a few swats with the paddle. It's not uncommon to see them holding their paddles afterwards, with a red mark on each cheek.

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lubird1984 · 1 month

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This is a collage I made for my gender and sexuality in Latin America class. (It’s also my first attempt at web-weaving, although it’s in a physical format rather than digital) The quotes around the edges are all from either “The Spirit Bares its Teeth” or “Hell followed with Us” by Andrew Joseph White and the other bits are exerpts from Sex Variants (old book that co-opted the work by Jan Gay, a very cool lesbian activist), an article on Covid-19’s impact on mental health, and the DSM-5’s criteria for gender dysphoria. The base newspaper stories on the left are all stories celebrating queer lives.

In this, I was trying to weave together the past and present pathologization of queer lives and bodies and contrast it with stories that include the humanity of being trans.

Some of what I used is personal like the testosterone syringe and nipple covers because I wanted to emphasize that real people are affected by the medicalization of our stories.

#collage #web weaving #queer #the spirit bares its teeth #hell followed with us #andrew joseph white

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demonicintegrity · 8 months

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Just saw a tiktok comment that said “it’d be great if people got over 9/11 as fast as they get over school shootings.”

And I’m not gonna lie, that stunned me. Holy shit that was a comment. That did shift my perspective on things so I looked up a few things:

Death toll of 9/11: 2,977

Number of anti Muslim hate crime in 2001: 481 (it was just 28 incidents the year before.) (and 2015 anti Muslim hate crime jumped to post 9/11 levels and then anti-Muslims assaults surpassed the 9/11 levels in 2016) I tried finding if there was a death toll associated with this but couldn’t.

Hate crime instances in 2021 alone (for any reason): 7,262

Death toll from school shootings (includes suicides and domestic violence): 279

Total death toll from Covid-19 in the US alone: 1,174,691 (do you remember hearing “a 9/11 a day” at some point? Cuz I do)

I can’t find an exact number of people who’ve died as a result of roe v wade being overturned but I know there are deaths because of it.

Death toll of Hurricane Katrina: 1,245-1,836

Death toll of HIV/AIDS: 65,000 in 1995 alone, 675,000 total now

And I want to be clear: I’m not trying to rank any of these tragedies as more devastating than the others. All of them are horrific and tragic for their own reasons. All of them deserve the grief and mourning that comes with them. But only one of them is given the most attention. A national remembrance every year, written into the curriculum of schools, and never allowed to be scoffed at or joked about. Only one of them explicitly told to never be forgotten.

But everything else is allowed to be brushed off, even when the effects are felt currently. When I was a child I didn’t worry about terrorism, I worried about school shootings. Because they were happening. Sometimes even the county right beside mine, sometimes my school would go on lockdown for an outside incident. But people would swear up and down until they were blue in the face that I and my peers were being over dramatic. (But god forbid we didn’t give 9/11 the respect it deserved. God forbid we didn’t stand for the pledge.)

I got scoffed at by my mom when I said I have to consider politics when thinking about where I want to live because I’m queer. That wasn’t a real issue.

These are all real issues. But only one is given the national attention of being a real issue. Hell if you bring up any of the other ones it’s only a matter of time before someone says “you’re living in the past” or “that’s just how it is.” And I think that makes reconsidering how we address things as a country.

#9/11 #us politics #do not clown in my notes I s2g #rambles

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laurenmitchellwrites · 4 months

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A heap of my description vanished on the Redbubble preview, so I wanted to put it somewhere safe.

COVID is not over. But neither is comedy.

The Melbourne International Comedy Festival (MICF) is one of the highlights of my year. Before COVID, and Melbourne's shutdown, I would go almost every night after work and see dozens of shows. When COVID came onto the scene in 2020, I was one of the people who asked MICF if we would be able to opt to give the costs of our tickets to the artists instead of receiving refunds.

I ventured out between lockdowns when it was held in a much more subdued fashion to see some of my die-hard favourites. In 2023, I planned my schedule to ensure plenty of time outside between shows, away from crowds, and masked at every show. I was cautious as hell, as were friends who I attended with, and yet I had an absolute blast—and I didn't get sick.

COVID is not over. But neither is comedy. I designed this work to showcase that feeling of joy I still get from attending live comedy, while also remaining mindful of the risks, in hopes that other people will enjoy this design as well.

I purchased the original stock art of the laughing people from iStock (credit: jesadaphorn) and added the masks myself in Photoshop, also recolouring some of the people to reflect the diversity in MICF performers and audiences.

I don't know what, if any, profit I will make from this, but I will donate 10% of any profit I earn to Oxfam, selected due to its ties to MICF and its COVID-19 response.

Thank you for reading and for considering this design. It came from the heart.

#comedy #art #masks #micf #covid-19 #covid is not over #comedy is not over #pandemic #coronavirus #melbourne international comedy festival #my art #my design #oxfam australia #oxfam #covid safer practices #covid safety #lauren arts as well as writes

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acknowledge-reigns · 3 months

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Somebody truly had the nerve to say Roman has never had to deal with or wrestle with injuries/set backs in his career and that he "could never power through like C*dy did with his torn pec". First of all, comparing how these two athletes deal with injuries is big fucking weird but since we're going there and I take my role of #1 Joe Anoa'i defender to heart what I'm not about to do is let y'all set up here on this internet and make it seem as if my Tribal Chief ain't ever fought through shit because this man is a WARRIOR, do you hear me???

(HE'S A TWO TIME LEUKEMIA SURVIVOR SINCE Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS LIKE TO FORGET HE KICKED CANCER'S ASS TOO.) Generally speaking, not just that situation but in many others in Joe's life, some of your faves would have folded. (especially those two yt men that run from company to company when they don't get their way) . Really this ain't shade to C*dy, I give him his props for powering through injuries and shit too. Most of these superstars have. And saying some of them would probably fold (hell, I would. Most of us would.) Isn't saying they're weak. I'm saying Roman is a badass on a different level and you can argue with your momma or with the wall on that one, not me.

List of injuries/illnesses known to us throughout Roman's career -

Back + Hip injury 2023 (Sumerslam, v Jey Uso.)

Ruptured Ear Drum 2022 (Survivor Series, v Kevin Owens who surprised him with a spot that was not planned and resulted in the injury. There however is no bad blood between the two.)

Had COVID 2022 (https://www.espn.com/wwe/story/_/id/32974962/roman-reigns-wwe-biggest-star-tests-positive-covid-19-scratched-atlanta-event)

Lingering affects from COVID 2022 (due to being immunocompromised https://www.fightful.com/wrestling/roman-reigns-discusses-his-covid-experience-says-he-still-feels-chest-tightness)

Shoulder/Arm injury 2022 (Wrestlemania 38, v Brock Lesnar)

Reveals Leukemia treatment side effects (including Nausea and arthritis in arms and legs, mentioned in 2019 and 2020 interviews. Ex. https://www.leukaemiacare.org.uk/support-and-information/latest-from-leukaemia-care/inspirational-stories/roman-reigns-wwe-cml-and-me/#:~:text=Previously%2C%20Reigns%20revealed%20to%20the,in%20terms%20of%20being%20sick.)

Knee Injury 2019 (Hell in a cell tornado tag with Daniel Bryan, v Erick Rowan and Luke Harper.)

Second battle with Leukemia 2018

Eye injury, required stitches 2018 (after 6 man tag match on RAW https://www.wrestlingnewsworld.com/wwe/roman-reigns-gets-stitches-raw)

Shoulder injury + Cracked ribs 2017 ( RAW, v Braun Strowman)

Shattered nose + Surgery 2016 ( v Triple H. See attached article https://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/2016-02-22/article/reigns-surgery)

Needed stitches May 2016 (live show, see photos https://www.wwe.com/worldwide/gallery/roman-reigns-receives-stitches-in-melbourne-australia-photos#fid-40042095)

Head Injury that required staples 2014 (https://youtu.be/OYMce1GDiDc?si=KtbVybtoQVr7FKDL)

Emergency surgery for Hernia 2014 (which he wrestled for some time while dealing with, see WWE.com article herehttps://www.wwe.com/shows/nightofchampions/2014/roman-reigns-breaking-news)

This list does not include FCW injuries, football injuries or his 2007 leukemia diagnosis durring which he was unhoused with a child on the way. And these are just the instances we know of!

Say what you will about Roman in kayfabe but do not minimize the struggles Joe has been through or his resilience. And if you're a Roman "fan" buying into the the rhetoric that he hasn't faced any adversity then as my dear friend @love-islike-abomb says, Please "Go whistle in the woods". IYKYK.

Oh and while we all here...

Acknowledge him, Bitches ☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾.

#i will defend joe anoa'i with my life #no shade tho to most of c*dy nation #but be so fuckin for real #roman reigns #the tribal chief #wwe roman reigns #head of the table #the head of the table #the only one #joe anoa'i #the bloodline

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daughterearth · 2 months

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I was in my friend's room when this person decided to "call me out" on my weight gain. In the 10 mins she lectured - telling me I was going ugly and needed shape wear and my beauty was going to waste. Telling me I need to get my slim figure back for the convocation ceremony. To start exercising so that I can shine like I did in 1st and 2nd year of med school. I still had a month! She told me.

After she left. I tried to stop but burst into tears. A strong huge wave of shame washed up on me. Everything in my psyche about being ugly and unlovable was spoken back to me. A resonance?

Little does she know. There is no way my body can stay the same as it was when I was 18-19 to when im 24. I had an eating disorder those years. I was underweight. I counted the calories of each morsel I ate. And I fantasised about food and I feared it at the same time. I was so fucking depressed I wanted to kill myself. I injured my coccyx because of being underweight. Eating made me sick. And water retention made me look normal. She knows nothing about my immune system was so weak that I caught COVID 3 times and I was so physically and mentally exhausted.

I was a people pleasure. Had tonnes of childhood trauma I never mentioned. I was anxious as hell. I had no self esteem and thought that I had to work myself to the bone to be worthy of it. Yes, I looked whatever she defines as good to wanted to kill myself. I hated myself so much during that time.

I sat there crying while my friend had to run and errand and my mum called. Somehow she was this and was so kind and loving to tell me that when we love people we really don't look at what they look like or how much they weigh. She asked me if I could ever think of saying these things to anybody and I knew I could never.

I'm really grateful for having my body. She is beautiful and gorgeous and a good person. Many days when I'm lying in bed, I hold her and think - what a gift. She breathes, she thinks. She has hunger and satisfaction. She also feels love and rage and powerful and vulnerable. She has my laugh and my eyes and my hair. She wants to live and really love and be loved. She's beautiful. I know her because I live in her.

I'm sorry to anybody who has ever been made to feel less. I'm sorry to anybody who was just looking for a kind word and a loving hand. It's a miracle we are alive. It's a miracle that we can love and hurt and grow. I don't know how but I genuinely hope that you find in yourself a home to feel safe and to be belonging to it. I hope you feel deeply connected to this wisdom that is innate. I hope you take every step to deeply love yourself and anchor in yourself. And I hope we all go home just to find it was us all along.

#a day today #ed #ed recovery #suicide mention #tw #mental health.#i feel so grounded #and happy that im so healed in a way by this interaction #i love kow things which used to trigger me so bad #are getting easier to pass by #im so grateful to my body

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souryogurt64 · 1 month

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I really feel you about the aging thing, I’m 25 and I was 22 when covid started and I locked down for like almost 2 full years bc I lived alone in a new city (moved in feb 2020 LMAOOO) and I was already a late bloomer bc of years of mental illness and gender issues and etc etc etc. so right before covid I was like ‘okay im finally gonna go out and be a real young adult and embrace being young’ and then….lmaoo. and now I’m a ‘real adult’ but I don’t feel a day older than 22 which isn’t THAT big a deal at 25 bc I’m only 3 years older but my worst fear is that I’ll end up mentally stuck and be 30+ still stuck mentally at 22 never moving past that……I went to a party recently w some friends who are 21-23 and I know that’s not a huge age gap but I just felt sooo much older than everyone there but I also felt lame as hell bc people 4 years younger than me had more experience partying than I did 😭 anyway idk where I’m going w this but solidarity 🫶 covid really fucked us up !!

This is an old ask that I didnt answer because i didnt know what to say <3333 but i got kicked out of the dorms during covid and like. after that I was basically confined to my dorm room for a year and graduated with no job experience or anything because they cancelled like the big junior year internship program and there werent the normal career fairs because covid. I also didnt really drink/party underage and i turned 21 in february 2020, i also had sex for the first time right before covid then so i like basically felt very young and immature and inexperienced and behind everyone and then just like. sat in a room for YEARS

and like i never saw any of my friends/professors again and graduating was really weird. I had to move back into my parents basement for awhile and worked in restaurants and mostly did sketchy "internships" on craigslist so i'd have something for a resume. I really felt alienated and like i was never going to mature past that

Then one day when I was about to turn 24 i randomly got a super adult job when most of my peers my age didnt and it came very out of nowhere, and it felt like i skipped directly from being perpetually 19 to just like being 30 and its very strange and i still feel kind of disturbed esp bc i cant believe its been 4 years since "2 extra weeks of spring break" lol

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literalgrill · 4 months

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Zom 100: Truly Living Despite A Pandemic

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Does Zom: 100 Bucket List of the Dead have a bad message for the Covid conscious, or is there more below the surface? Let's find out together! This is my first ever video essay, so I hope you enjoy! If you like reading instead of watching stuff, this is available over on my blog. Or you can find it by keeping on reading below!

[SPOILERS For Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead]

[CW: Alcohol and Ableism]

As an immunocompromised person living through the pandemic with a severe distaste for capitalism, I’ve had complicated feelings watching Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead. The anime’s premise was brilliantly simple. Office worker Akira Tendo has spent three years having the life crushed out of him by an abusive company to the point where he feels like a literal zombie apocalypse would be “heaven” compared to going into the office. Then literally the next day, waves of zombies start overwhelming the world and he makes the choice to seize the day and live his happiest life. The show really caught my eye the moment where color literally returns to Akira's life as he realizes he is truly free from the shackles of capitalism. It was a masterful moment of animation in a show that was already visually stunning.

By the final moments of episode one when Akira writes “100 things I want to do before becoming a zombie” on that notebook I was caught hook, line, and sinker, just like so many others who were on the edge of their seats waiting for the next episode to drop. I was thinking that it might even be a serious contender for anime of the year.

But then episode two introduces one of the most powerful philosophical conflicts of the series. Akira wants to “loaf around and drink beer all day” but to do that, he has to risk his life going to a convenience store to get the beer in the first place. Upon arriving there he meets Shizuka Mikazuki, a woman clearly taking the risk of being zombified extremely seriously. When Akira asks for her contact information, she denies him while admonishing his behavior. “I can’t see myself teaming up with someone who doesn’t know how to analyze risk. I’d prefer not to lower my chances of survival.”

At this point, I began to notice an all too familiar feeling of panic and dismay gnawing at the corners of my heart but I couldn’t quite pinpoint why. So I pushed it aside for the moment to continue the episode. After Akira gets home, he sees that a couple he had run into that morning didn’t make it. He sits down, drinks his beer, and says the lines that finally made everything click.

“We could die today… Or we could die 60 years from now. Either way, there’s never enough time to do all the things we want. Life’s too short to avoid taking risks… If I have to go on living without doing the things I want to do, I would rather be eaten by zombies.”

As those subtitles ran across the screen, all I could hear was a cacophony of voices in my head. “Covid is not going away, you have to live your life.” “Why are you still afraid?” “People can do what they want but I’m not changing my life.” “I won’t live in fear of Covid.” All of those words are things every Covid cautious person is tired of hearing and could easily be summarized into what Akira was saying. To the people with this mindset, life is too short to avoid taking risks and if they have to go on living without doing the things they want to do, they would rather risk death or severe health issues to return to the “new normal.”

For someone in a high risk category that could die if they catch COVID-19, it’s one thing to hear words like this from right wing trolls online, but it’s another to hear these words from friends you have held close for years as they decide maintaining that friendship isn’t worth it because of your safety needs. But when your own family, hell, your own mother, the woman who literally birthed you, the parent you were always told would unconditionally love you, decides that not wearing a mask on her face is more important than keeping her literal child and those like her from death or devastating health conditions? From personal experience, that last one will break your heart in ways that are irreparable.

Hearing what seemed like similar sentiments from Akira, a character I had begun rooting for and identifying with, stung. I was already shaken from that moment alone, but the episode wouldn’t make things any easier. In its second half we get to see the entire situation from Shizuka’s point of view. We see Shizuka eying a sakura mochi at the convenience store but she chooses not to bring it home as it would go against her survival plans which include minimizing her sugar intake. She looks over some footage from a camera she had set up for safety and sees just how excited Akira was to get his beer. She then remarks:

“Who knew a single beer could make someone that happy in a state of emergency? Oh well… Maybe I should have grabbed that sakura mochi after all…” The show then pans over her computer screen with a list that reads: 100 Things To Do To Avoid Becoming A Zombie.

This does not mean Shizuka is meant to be an antagonist. At this juncture of the story, she serves as a juxtaposition to Akira’s beliefs as the protagonist. But the series is already making it clear that Shizuka’s desire to only focus on what keeps her safe makes her wrong, that the “hero” of the story is right, and that even Shizuka is starting to agree with him, just a little bit. It is made clear by the show that we’re supposed to agree with Akira, our protagonist, and what he believes.

Everyone who continues to take precautions to keep themselves and others safe from COVID-19 has asked themselves a similar question: At what point is keeping this level of isolation and safety depriving me from living a fulfilling life? We see people go to massive conventions to interact with communities they care about in ways we cannot safely do. We have to watch friends and families gather for holidays while leaving us out. We must continue to exist in a society that shows all signs of not valuing our participation within it.

It is not an exaggeration to say that this series has been weighing heavily on me ever since I saw the second episode. How much I agreed with Akira’s philosophy had a vice grip on my mind. Those who know me personally are keenly aware of all the wild adventures I’ve had in my life, how I have fought so hard to have unique experiences that leave fantastic stories to tell in their wake. As corny as it sounds, the words Carpe Diem have been a driving force of my life ever since I first heard them in Dead Poets Society years ago as a young teen. So by being Covid conscious, am I betraying my ideals? Were those people right? Am I wasting my one chance at life by being afraid for my health? By wanting to protect others? These are the kinds of questions that I’ve been constantly turning over in my head ever since seeing that episode.

It would have been easy to drop the series here, to ignore this inner turmoil brewing, but I’m glad I didn’t turn away and kept watching because the show has a lot more to say than this simple black and white reading of its themes.

Fast forward to episode 5 when Akira is trying to fulfill another part of his bucket list, remembering his childhood dream, which turns out to be that he wanted to become a superhero. “To fight danger and save those in need in a kickass costume, without a reward… A hero of justice who saves people from zombies.”

Akira and his best friend Kencho head towards the aquarium to find a shark suit to keep him safe from zombie bites, allowing Akira to become the ultimate superhero. Nearby, a group of people trying to get to the harbor have their bus stopped and are suddenly overwhelmed by zombies. Akira jumps in to save a girl before the zombies maul her, and helps lead the group running by to safety. A group that just so happens to have Shizuka among their number.

Akira tries to use this moment of heroism to talk to Shizuka when everyone is safe, but gets shot down for his antics right away. While she doesn’t deny that he saved people, she points out he made a major mistake when she asks Akira, “Did you consider the danger to those truly important to you when you leaped into action to mollify your low self esteem?” While the rest of Shizuka’s arguments are played off comedically as being argumentative, even Akira admits that she’s right on this point, that his efforts at being a hero put his best friend Kencho in danger. He acknowledges in that moment that there might be more to completing his bucket list than just selfishly fulfilling his own desires. It is his turn to accept that Shizuka’s philosophy might be worth considering too.

This complicating of Akira’s philosophy is examined even further as a wildly terrifying zombie shark with legs begins chasing after everyone Akira just saved by ushering them into the aquarium. It’s only through Shizuka’s knowledge of the aquarium, which she gained by studying its maps, that most of the group is able to get away safely. In fact, the theme that selfishly only caring about your own wants and desires being bad is hammered home even harder when a woman shoves Shizuka to the ground, ensuring her own safety while leaving Shizuka to die, which is portrayed as a villainous act. The woman is shown chanting to herself, “It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault.” Many have heard similar words hurled at them when asking if people feel responsible for the deaths that could have been easily prevented by taking precautions against COVID-19. Those people refuse to believe it’s their fault in any way that people are dead or are being left to die. The symbolism of this moment and how it reflects real life mindsets should not be lost on the viewer.

Later in the episode when Shizuka questions why Akira would selflessly save her, he blows her away with his response. “When you’re hungry, you want to eat your fill. If you see a cute girl you try to get to know her. If I see someone who needs help, I want to be a hero.” Up until this point, Shizuka herself has also been quite selfish, only focusing on what gives her the best chances of surviving without thinking of anyone else. Even now she’s still questioning how she feels. “If you die, it’s all over. Why do you go so far to go straight for the things you want to do?” Once more, Shizuka proves her skills in analysis and risk management have their purpose as she scrapes together a plan to save them both. And she realizes it’s a long shot and asks Akira if he wants to risk it. She is making sure that unlike how he treated his friend Kencho earlier, that Akira has a choice.

In the end, the day is saved. Akira, Kencho, and Shizuka are walking away from the aquarium. She admonishes Akira once more for putting Kencho at risk, and Akira apologizes to Kencho, bringing the point about people consenting to the risks presented in their lives back to the forefront once again. But Shizuka, starting to warm up to Akira, finally gives him her contact information. In the next episode, Shizuka runs into Akira and Kencho once more. She wants to find a place that’s safe and sustainable, if such a place exists. Akira and Kencho want to head back to Akira’s hometown, Kanto’s best kept secret: Gunma. Since their interests align and they all had the same idea that using an RV would be the best way to manage long distance travel, they pick an RV out and start traveling together.

This plan literally hits some spike strips when it turns out Akira’s former abusive supervisor has started a colony of people that takes advantage of travelers to exploit their labor. Once again, someone selfishly serving only their own interests is presented as the villain. Hell, this very evil supervisor gets angry at Akira for trying to chill some beers as something kind to do for everyone. The good guy tries to help everyone around him, the bad guy only cares about himself and his own comfort. The show is drilling this theme home hard.

Akira falls into his old pre-zombie life habits due to the abuse coming from his supervisor and ends up being convinced he might actually want to just stay and keep working there instead of fulfilling his own dreams. He is once again saved by Shizuka with a rousing speech. She proclaims how it was Akira who opened her eyes and made her want to live for her own desires and not simply fold over to do what others want from her. Things then take a sharp turn as zombies accidentally are let loose and everyone runs around in a panic. Several people climb onto the tops of trucks, desperately trying to keep alive. Akira sees his old supervisor being chased by zombies. He could simply leave him to die. He could take his friends and try to find a way to escape alone. But he refuses to do any of that and saves everybody he can, even his horrible supervisor. “Standing by while someone’s about to be eaten by zombies isn’t on my bucket list.”

They manage to burn the zombies into a crisp due to Akira’s wild plan to corral the zombies around a food truck before lighting the natural gas inside of it, causing a massive explosion. Then he and Shizuka have this exchange. “Honestly, you’re always doing something crazy.”

“It wasn’t that great.”

“I wasn’t giving you a compliment”

They both laugh, making this moment stick out to me as well. At this point, the show has repeatedly shown that Shizuka’s point of view of wanting to focus on survival isn’t necessarily wrong, that having those ideas to balance out Akira simply jumping into situations thoughtlessly not only keeps him alive, but enables the entire trio to keep doing the things that make them happy. The show repeatedly also condemns those who do things purely for themselves, painting those that are selfish in that way as obvious villains. Zom 100 as a show does not agree with the thinking of people who are giving up any attempts at keeping others safe, selfishly pretending like life is “back to normal” when it’s not. The show has made it abundantly clear that while it is important to do what makes you happy, it should not come at the expense of others. That if risks have to be taken, we should all be allowed to consent to those risks, not having those choices taken away from us by the selfishness of others. That even doing things to stay safe, survive, and protect others, is something we should actively be doing as it brings joy to our lives as well as theirs.

The trio eventually makes it to Akira’s hometown, picking up a new friend to travel with them while having exciting adventures along the way. Gunma houses a group of people doing their best to bring others in, keep them safe, and foster a healthy sustainable community despite the dangers around them. This is the kind of thing COVID conscious people have dreamed of with plenty of them joking about the idea of somehow having a town and moving everyone there to form a community of people actively looking out for and caring about each other.

Gunma is upheld as the best of what we as humans can do for each other in the middle of a crisis. It reminds me of how at the beginning of all of this, people banded together to help one another, supported essential workers and those in healthcare, began serious discussions about universal healthcare, and more. How for one huge moment, despite the horrors taking place around us, hope swelled for the chance at a brighter future.

The villains of this arc are people who were outcasts in pre-zombie society that are set on getting revenge in some way by letting zombies into Gunma which would destroy the beautiful community being built. And that is where the series abruptly left us after episode 9, going into a hiatus due to production issues. I’m writing, recording, and editing this as the CDC warns we might once again be forced to ration care to those who are sick. As 15,000 people per week are hospitalized due to COVID-19 in the United States with 1000 of them dying weekly. In a world where every one in five adults reports having long covid. All of this devastation is taking place in one country alone, the numbers become even worse when viewed globally.

These thoughts and world events have all been swirling in my head while waiting for Zom 100 to hopefully return triumphantly from its hiatus and finally air episode 10. It is not lost on me that this series has had massive production issues in an era where shows like Uncle From Another World and NieR: Automata Ver1.1a both faced production issues due to COVID-19. Was COVID-19 a reason why Zom 100 was delayed? We may never know because if you look at the comments online to NieR: Automata’s announcement in particular, you can see just how many people said COVID was not a reasonable excuse. People selfishly saying their personal entertainment is more important than others being permanently disabled or even outright killed certainly puts that line of, “If I have to go on living without doing the things I want to do, I would rather be eaten by zombies” in a whole new context.

But that very cliffhanger the show has been hanging on is exactly like the precipice we find ourselves upon as we face this ongoing pandemic. I have not read the manga for Zom 100 and thus do not know how this arc will end, just as I am unsure what the future holds in the real world. I know what I hope to see happen in the story. I hope Akira and the gang will selflessly swoop in and do all they can to protect those they love, the community in Gunma, and all it stands for.

However, I cannot control how Zom 100’s story will conclude just as I cannot control the actions of others regarding the pandemic. It is entirely possible this arc will end in such a way that leaves me with even more complex feelings and questions to tackle than ever before, just as the pandemic has left me questioning all I knew about the innate kindness of people while witnessing how I and others like me have been treated throughout it.

But right now, I want to believe in the indomitable empathy and kindness I know humanity is capable of. I want to believe if we all work together, we will prevail over those who selfishly wish to put their own wants above all else. I will choose to continue doing my best to protect myself and others while building community because that is what truly makes me happy, just like Akira would want me to. Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead has shown me how one person can inspire others to make great changes in their life to truly find happiness. I can only hope my words will inspire you the same way.

#anime #zom 100: bucket list of the dead #covidー19 #covid pandemic #covid is airborne #covid isn't over #covid is not over #video essay #zom 100: zombie ni naru made ni shitai 100 no koto #Youtube

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