#and it was not my fault there were so many ppl on that train

[bennitastisch]

sometimes taking the train feels like a cruel joke by the universe

#why did i miss the first possible train i could take cause i was putting on my mask #i was there 5 minutes before the train was there and i missed it bc i walked to the doors and out on my mask #the second train i could take was late and so fucking stuffed ive never been on a train that full #it was late on every stopp for a few more minutes cause it was so full ppl could hardly get on #and now im at my destination waiting for my bus and i saw that the third possible train had a waggon more than the one i took and free seats #i swear to god this often makes me belive bad stuff is my fault cause i was there #also my technique to calm down is to take deep breaths and taking deep breaths in a train thats full of ppl wothout their masks on is super #scary #but i survived it #and it was not my fault there were so many ppl on that train #and it was also not my doing that the train after it had free seats #i couldnt have known abt it #and if i took the chance and it would be late id be home an hour later than anticipated #right now its only thirty minutes #i survived it and it was not my fault #ben vents #ben talks #bennitastisch

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

character settings and dynamics of my s-class heroine genderbend AU

Tesilette dynamics get a little crazy and substantially different from canon here.

Trio & ReedAilette dynamics under cut, Tesilette in reblogs. If you're on mobile, read from here so you can scroll less.

(VERY long post under cut)

Hestio Ligenel

Literally the same characterisation as canon Hestio, idk what to tell you. Looks the same as well.

(Same HC as for canon Hestio) Very careful with her hair. God forbid anyone who messes with her bottles of shampoo and conditioner and hair oil

She’s a bit conflicted about the fact that she’s the only one among her friends without a nickname. Unfortunately, the fact is that her name is literally un-nicknameable

Ephael “Elphie” Chaletino

Decently buff

After the toy mansion, she trained like crazy to become stronger. There's only so much a supporter can do, after all, if the bruiser being buffed is weak to begin with

She would be even buffer if she had the choice, but unfortunately the stigma bearers are still treated like shit. Her diet is nowhere near optimal

Realised her given name was masculine when she was around 5. When she asked the orphanage’s caregiver why she was given this name, she was told that the old man priest who named her had passed a couple years ago so no one knows. They're all just using the name she was given

Ephael doesn’t really care about her name, though. She thinks it's funny when people see “Ephael” on the name list and waste their time looking for a man.

Tesilina gave her the nickname Elphie (Did you really think Hestio would’ve given her such a cute name?)

Hesphael dynamics

Ephael likes to flop over hestio and put her arms around hestio and lace her fingers together and to press kisses against her hair and ear and neck and to crow about how hestio can’t get rid of her. Hestio thinks they're just bantering.

Tesilina has to watch them be idiots for several years before Hestio finally figures it out.

Luckily for Tesilina, this happens before her regression starts so she doesn't have to sit through this a bajillion times

Tesilina “Tes” Argente

Hestio gave her her nickname because her name was too long.

Constantly harassed by men. Hestio & Ephael have taken to being her guard dogs and chasing off men on her behalf

Her being a stigma bearer ends up being good sometimes. When people try to retaliate against the three of them, Tesilina just says, “They were defending my honour… I have long since decided to devote myself to the Strict Order alone, after all” and then people can't really fault her for being so pious

(It doesn’t really work on all ppl when it’s a man whom people see as a respectable bachelor, especially if they're someone high-ranking within the vatican.)

When the subjugation is easy, incompetent men sometimes try to take her tank role in order to “protect the lady” in the name of “chivalry”. But when it’s hard, Tesilina becomes just a dispensable stigma bearer who is of course expected to tank at the risk of her life. It’s a headache for her because she’s deprived of opportunities to farm EXP and divine power, on top of being extremely condescending. She can’t even tell the men off for trying to do her job.

She’s still in the Knights of Worship division without Hestio & Ephael

Hestio & Ephael tried to transfer in but were thwarted by the division, who said that subjugations were "serious business, not outings for girlies to giggle"

Tesilina decided not to transfer out because dealing with their shit farms the Virtue of patience quite well. And because she’s never learned self-preservation in her life. Hestio had to stop herself from strangling Tesilina for this.

Reed

(MAJOR SPOILERS FOR NOVEL CH 130+ / WEBTOON S3 OR 4)

Present Round!Tesilina is more cutthroat than in canon, because the two friends who have accompanied her throughout her regressions have become a source of obsession for her.

She's seen them die too many times and in too many horrible ways

And they've always been protective of her as well, so it's impossible for her not to care about them. They - and not Ailett - are her crutch and her source of strength and what makes her feel like herself and a human, in a world that is determined to make her feel otherwise.

Like straight up she doesn't even gaf about Ailett anymore. She was interested for a short while but Ailett isn't the object of her obsession like in canon.

I hit tumblr's image limit so the full scene is here: link

The hair clip Reed is using is the one Hestio & Ephael bought her for her 15th birthday.

As Tesilina, she only ever wore it for formal occasions because she didn't want to risk breaking it in combat. As Reed, she’s now confident that she won’t get into fights that seriously endanger her, or the clip. And this counts as a formal occasion – she’s arranging their collective funerals.

The one Reed is using is stolen from the current round. She forgot to take it from the 100th because she was too preoccupied being empty and depressed and headed straight for the abyss. And when she had time to think in the 17th, she started to wish she had it. Well, it’s not like 17th really needs it anyway. 17th wasn't even supposed to be alive to use it.

Reed visits Hestio & Ephael right after watching her own funeral from the shadows. This scene is meant to be the chapter right after the scene above about Reed and Ailett's falling out.

This scene is a major spoiler for the fic, but this story is too ambitious and requires too much setup for me to realistically finish, so whatever. I hit tumblr's image limit, so here

Continued in reblogs:

Tesilette dynamics

Ailett's character settings

Bianca

#s-class heroine spoilers

[solargeist]

i still hate that sooo many ppl i saw are like "he got his sheep!! he's happy now!"

like lmao in the animation itself he got friend but he's still in the cold damp limbo for the rest of eternity or until something else happens which probably wont happen, losing any good memory he may have had, to where he'll only remember or know of the train station and nothing else

he just now has a sheep to hold.

:((

he's still just as sad and lonely and suffering. and half his soul is now in a different world.

ITS SO BAD …..…. I’ve been against this idea for so long so no one is surprised Ghostly is SAD!!!!

Ghostburs character isn’t just uwu sheep boy innocent UGH!!

>Friend did not make Ghostbur Happy All The Time, Ghostbur would get annoyed with him occasionally. Friend was just a support animal that helped his anxiety. (I personally believe the girlfriend comments were to mess with Fundy…ok..)

>in Wilbur’s own Reddit comments, Ghostbur has forgotten most things and doesn’t move anymore.

>what was the point of Wilbur learning to forgive himself, without his soul? He just doesn’t get Ghostbur back? It was prerecorded lore, easily could’ve had the two meet or even flashback to a time they talked. Something. That was a huge part of cWilbur just not really acknowledged. Don’t even get me started on Niki being the one to help with Friend (She was freaked out by Ghostbur??) Tommy should’ve been the one, he was the only mfing character that loved Ghostbur for Ghostbur.

>Ghostbur wanted FAMILY. He wanted to know his family was safe. During new L’manberg he traveled from new L’manberg to Exile/Techno’s base to make sure of this. (Ghostbur directly says Tubbo, Tommy, Phil, and Techno are his family)

>But ok, so he has Friend and this makes him happy… But Ghostbur is still in pain All the time, forever, with no ease. His fingers are scratched up and implied to never heal. His tears have burnt up his face and will never heal. Nothing heals in Limbo.

>Ghostbur hates loud noises, it canonically freaks him out, now he has to live in a train station. Assuming trains travel through his area. (Everything else works so..)

>What was the point of Ghostbur’s anger? A child screaming at his father for destroying his home? A father who did it for his son? The one sobbing in front of him? Why was this never brought up again.

>Wilbur deserved to be angry, he never really learned the crater was Phil’s fault. Or at least the story didn’t care, he always shrugged it off. What was the point of Wilbur calling Phil a liar. The letters full of lies he wrote to hide from his father, the buildup…. No pay off…!!! Why was doomsday in the right narratively, and why did Wilbur have to take all the blame. Wilbur didn’t really do anything worse than any other mf on the server fr that’s my hot take ☝️👹

I’ll stop 👹👹

#i would check vods and stuff but I have. a stomachache #BUT I KNOW GHOSTBUR OK #ask #CHEK IM SRY GHOSTBURS TREATMENT MAKES ME SO MA D I DONT MEAN TO RMABLE #ALSO RANBOO’S GHOST LORE WHICH IM SURE HES TALKED TO WILBUR ABT DIRECTLY INPLIES GHOSTBUR FUCKIN DIESSS IN LIMBO BC OF WILBUR’S MENTALHEALTH #<- the very idea of Ghostbur trying so fucking hard to not feel any negative emotion bc he’s protecting Wilbur. GIRL IT COULDVE BEEN SO GOOD #RANBOO HAD IT RIGHT !!!!! #FUCCCCCK!!!!!!! 🫡 #dsmp neg #<- FOR BLACKLIST #AGAIN BIG WILBURIAN FAN HERE

[medievalpeasant]

wbn stuff please do not spoil yerself it’s a great pod i encourage you to listen

sorry. gonna have to be an Ame stan on this one. Let’s look at what’s happening to her. She is:

1. 20.

2. neurodivergent (the coding is pretty obvious)

3. Has just inherited one of the most important position in the setting. The fate of the world is literally on her shoulders.

4. Has just woken up from a month long coma where she regained *numerous* important memories. All at once she begins to see the danger she is in.

5. Has woken up in one of the two hearts of an enormous imperial machine (let’s be clear: the citadel is a tool of the militaristic Kehmsarazan Empire. its goals are the empires goals, that’s where they get their funding). This empire is occupying her home land.

6. This is an incredibly dangerous place for herself, and her friend Eursalon. We see this from the Cassov collection, from the artificer’s factory, from Steels undermining and delay of her attempts to leave. Eursalon also understands this.

7. Her friend Suvi does not understand this. This is not Suvi’s fault, there are so many factors that make it very difficult for her to learn the truth (one of the main icons of this militarism, steel, is literally her adoptive mother) but it is still true that Suvi seems unaware (I want to state for the record that I really like Suvi. I think she’s an excellent character played excellently).

8. Steel. Steel is very scary. She’s the sword of the citadel, the head of its armies. She has probably the most important role in the entirety of the city. She has brought her legion back, is searching for vaguely designed “traitors” and “spies”, and is using the threat and reality of police and military violence to get her way. let’s be very clear. this is a coup. Even if it’s not, how could someone in Ame’s position be anything but frightened by this?

9. A friend of grandmother Wren’s and talented diviner, Sly, has told her that it is very important she leave, and soon, and that while her best friend Suvi *must* accompany her on pain of death, Suvi will not receive permission to accompany her.

10. All of this is merely the preamble to what may be the most important few days of her life, the summit at the north pole. The meeting will determine the fate of magic, the safety of every human in the world, and whether the job Ame has been training for since she was like 8 will even continue to exist.

With all of that in mind, it seems pretty obvious what Ame is (quite reasonably) thinking.

“Here i am in incredible danger. Not only is this the worst place in the world for me to be, but i desperately need to be a different place doing different things. Oh no! Leaving is difficult, and getting out relies on my friend Suvi unlearning her indoctrination over the course of a couple hours. Fuck! Let’s bounce.”

That this is a reasonable position is not only reenforced by everything I just said, but by the fact that Eursalon completely agrees! When presented with the same information (plus a little more, since he’s people smart in a way the other two aren’t), he comes to exactly the same conclusion. Let’s bounce!

My point isn’t that Suvi is evil, or that people should be shitty to Aabria Iyengar (she’s mentioned that ppl have been. if that’s you, fuck off!). It’s just that Ame is not the villain here either. She’s making decisions that I can only imagine I would also make in her position.

Plus, why are people only shit talking Ame? When Eursalon is doing the same shit? and is in fact more responsible for violence against citadel solders (see:the end of the previous arc) (which i don’t begrudge him either, for reasons i would get into if i wasn’t so tired)? It’s just obvious sexism. (tho i also wouldnt be surprised if people were trashing Eursalon abt this and I just haven’t seen it. still, the degree to which the hate is Ame focused is telling)

Anyway, I’m talking too much and no one will read this. I’m just saying, keep in mind the pressures mounting on Ame before accusing her of quest fever.

#wbn pod #wbn spoilers #wbn #wbn: www #ame #ame no-canon-last-name-to-my-knowledge #ame nclntmk #again i really wanna stress that i love aabria iyengar and respect her work very m #uch. got cut off

[magicwithineleteo]

thinking about how much better the gaang deserved.

like it truly breaks my heart thinking about it. they were left to fight, end, and pick up the pieces of a war that they weren't responsible for. it was never their faults. they fought, harder than many. they literally ended the destruction the fire nation had started. and they were left to clean up the mess of the world.

the gaang's ages ranging from 12-16 makes me so sad. like theyre just kids, and they had the entire world on their shoulders. even the other characters, who are controversial, they are not to be blamed. none of this was their fault. it was all of the adults. (i primarily think of azula in that.)

that's why i feel like any sort of jabs at characters, specifically the younger ones are invalid, because they're just kids.

it's why the hate against katara is so infuriating. she's just a 14 year old girl, who grew up and matured faster than she should have, essentially acting as the mother over her friends, and even her older brother. because she saw her mom in her last moments, then realized her mom died for her. that's the way she coped. she fulfilled the role her mom left behind. she doesn't bring up her mom every 3 seconds, and if she did, it would be completely valid.

all of the different kids' traumas and the way it manifests in their personality is so heartbreaking man

and i hate thinking about the gaang after the war, specifically zuko, because i just feel so bad for them.

they are all left to faciliate peace for the entire world. to pick up the pieces. they don't get a chance to breathe, because there is so much that needs their attention, and no one else who has the criteria or maturity to handle it.

they're all so young. but they're the only ones who have the empathy and understanding to properly rebuild.

i have not read any comics but i've read a bunch of fanfics and the common hcs i see regarding post war is the following:

zuko is STRESSSSSEDDDDDDDDDDDDD this boy cannot BREATHE (i saw in a comic he goes to see ozai for guidance which can u imagine? zuko would've have to been strugging so much to go to OZAI for help) also it makes sense bc he literally had no experience nor training to be the firelord. he wasn't the original heir (rip lu ten) so he never got the training , then he was banished and presumably, azula got firelord training. this boy has nothing to go off of

also, he's sooo targeted, ozai supporters coming for his head every 2 seconds. assassination attempts are everywhere oh my god

ozai shooters in his council, and so he gets rid of them. but he can't remove certain ppl on his council, like ppl w power and influence, but these ppl don't believe it was right to end the war bc they are fully enthralled in fire nation propaganda

which leads to zuko and whomever else from the gaang is in the council to constantly be undermined and spoken down to, simply bc of their age and lack of experience in political setting

but these kids literally did more for the people and were more involved in the war than all of these mean ppl ever were

suki (and ty lee and the rest of the kyoshi warriors) are zuko's bodyguards which i think is cute but must be a very difficult job considering zuko's got a lot of haters on him

w katara and sokka, i either see one of them rebuilding the southern water tribe or one of them is on the zuko council thing , in which they are spoken down to, as a water tribe peasant

ive also seen katara be a healer for ppl in the fire nation

ive also seen suki and sokka go back to kyoshi island as well as go to southern water tribe

aang literally has to be everywhere bc hes the avatar and needs to be present for all peace talks

toph either stays w zuko in the fire nation bc theyre bffs and she can also be very good security or she tries to make amends w her parents and goes back to the earth kingdom

that's the general consensus i would say

but it just makes me so sad bc theyre so young and they have to bear the weight of the world on their shoulders. my babies.

i like to hc that zuko specifically sometimes deep down misses when he was w the gaang during the war. he feels really guilty for that, but he misses them a lot. he misses having a geniuine family.

speaking of zuko's family, azula is a whole other story and frankly it breaks my heart too. maybe i'll make a post ab it but i just. it's devastating.

oh yeah and uncle iroh ruled until zuko healed and was ready and now is in ba sing se w his jasmine dragon tea shop. which i love but i also have mixed feelings about.

in conclusion, they deserved to just be kids. they deserved to just breathe. not be responsible for the world.

some songs that make me sad as i think about all this:

once in a lifetime by one direction (it's literally so them, like zuko reminicising ab when he was w them everyday)

are you with me by nilu but specifically this version.

it just makes me want to throw up with so many various emotions i love them so much and i feel so bad for them

thank u for listening

#avatar: the last airbender #avatar the last airbender #atla #the gaang #they deserve sm better #to not have the weight of the world on their shoulders #u dont need to listen to the songs if u don't want to #they just really enhance the brainrot #and the lyrics apply #theyre so found family like the epitome #i love them so much

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

Hiii! First of all I want you to know that I love your blog. I have a question about something I saw on twitter about Stephane not being a good coach because of the Rika situation and something that happened with Dennis, but like, i really don't understand and i really dont know what they mean i haven't hear anything bad about Stephane before and now i am curious. Do you know anything about that?

Thank you

Thanks for liking this blog. 😊

I think to put Stephane Lambiel on a pedestal is wrong because no human - skater or coach - is perfect and without flaws.

One thing is for sure there is no skater who ever has come forward with any allegations against Stephane, but tbf that doesn't say much. I think though that we actually don't know that much about how he is in training behind closed doors. We know a lot about abusive methods when skaters or coaches are open about it like Team Tutberidze and don't even find fault in that, but with Stephane we know his approach which I find no fault in and the outside view he gives off at events

That being said first I don't know what situation exactly the "Deniss situation" is referring to, but Deniss has been coached by Stephane Lambiel for the most of his senior career and I know perspectives that say that Stephane is maybe too invested into his skaters to not have the best coach-student professional distance and I can understand this perspective from an educator point of view. For example to let a skater live at your home even if it is shorttime. I have no direct example with Deniss Vasiljews I could name that was problematic, so I can't help much with that.

Rika Kihira is a different case in my opinion. The criticism is that Stephane contributed to aggravating Rika's injury by letting her train and compete when she was under Stephane's supervision. Some also said his methods were wrong like practicing with weights. I think there was no explicit discription of her training though, so it's hard to judge whether those weight lifting methods harmed her or not. Rika fans give Stephane fault for her poor outcome at Worlds 2021 and competing at WTT 2021 with an injury.

Rika came to Champery for a training camp, it was never meant to be a long time solution, it happened because of the pandemic and Stephane was just an interim coach for Rika. Mie Hamada was still her coach and imo still the one with the most say in decisions and until this day she is still listed as her coach. Rika was already injured when she went to Stephane for that camp. And injuries don't just disappear. Did Mie Hamada let her rest and recover from her injuries before she went to Stephane? No she didn't. Rika has been dealing with injuries for all of her senior career. So at this point I don't how much you can blame her injuries aggravating on Stephane. Still training with this much load certainly didn't help but show me any skater who isn't dealing with some kind of injury, it's a side effect of elite sports. It doesn't make it better though or excuses that the injury couldn't heal.

But I think we have to consider some things. Here comes the part with unpopular stuff that lots of ppl don't mention, that I do think have played a big part as well and makes putting blame not that easy: Rika is not a child who can't decide for herself. Rika has always emphasized how much she decides on her own about her training, a thing many Rika fans are proud of btw. It was her decision this season also to return to competition despite doctors telling her she would need 6 months off ice to heal. Now she is with Brian Orser and I don't see those complaints ppl had with Stephane with Brian. It's the same situation. I don't say that because I want ppl to blame Brian as well, but because she is making her own decision despite knowing the doctors advise. So it's on you to decide whether Stephane would have had to keep her off ice and if he would have been able to do that. 2nd and this is something that a lot of ppl don't even ever adress, she didn't spend much time in Champery between Japanese Nationals which she won with the first quad by a Japanese women (and she didn't seem to be badly prepared or more injured than before) and Worlds 2021. After JNats she stayed in Japan to do ice shows, she went to a training camp in the US with Mie Hamada, she just returned to Champery one week before Worlds. So who was in charge of her well being at this point and for her preparation, Stephane? Well...partly... We know the outcome at Worlds and it was pure heartbreak. She really didn't seem to be herself at all in the free skate. Rika, just like the other Japanese competitors, had to go to Japan right after Worlds because of the covid protocols. Stephane didn't accompany them, but came later with the rest of the teams. She should have withdrawn from that competition, but I am not sure if she was able to because she would have had to make that decision directly after Worlds to let someone else take her place. Already at the event it was impossible due to the covid protocols to just bring someone else in. So I am almost sure she wouldn't have wanted for Japan to place last because they would get 0 points for one women. It's a team competition you cannot just think about yourself. There's also a lot of money at stake for everyone competing there. We also don't know if she got pressure by sponsors etc. So again the question remains how much influence Stephane really had on those decisions about withdrawals.

I think we should consider those things for a final judgment. Btw it's not about blaming Rika at all, even if it may sound like it, I am aware that Rika is influenced by her surroundings and upbringing and this sport expects you to perform even if you're unwell. The sport career is too short to wait for injuries to heal. So I do understand why Rika competed and practiced. I just think the plan for her 2020-2021 season - no matter who had the final say in that - was not a good one and mismanaged on all sides.

Was there mismanagement in Rika's case? For sure. On Stephane's part? I won't say it's got nothing to do with him. But I actually blame mostly Mie Hamada. She is the reason Rika never healed from injuries, she is the one who had most influence on Rika's mindset about competing while injured. Rika was in Stephane's care for a while, so he is not free of any faults, maybe he should have not agreed to be her coach or insisting on her rest. It's always easy to blame without all information on our part. I just think it's not as black and white and easy like "Stephane destroyed Rika" or "he's a bad coach"

Is Stephane a good coach? I think there is no entirely good coach anywhere. And not every coach no matter how good they are for one skater may do the same good coaching on another skater. I think certain styles and methods work for different ppl for some they are right and for some they are wrong. So I don't even have an opinion about if Stephane is a good coach. I just know that he is a good match and coach for Shoma,but that doesn't necessarily mean he is a good coach for everyone and it doesn't mean he couldn't have been a better coach for Rika. (Rika herself never said any bad word about Stephane and praised training in Champery, but I am not sure of the value of such statements as no one knows what is really going on between a skater and their coach behind closed doors unless your name is Eteri Tutberidze and your not even ashamed of your methods to even let camera film them

Not sure if this was the answer you were hoping for, but this at least is as far as I know about the situation with Rika and shows my not knowledge about a Deniss situation.

#stephane lambiel #I am not tagging rika or deniss here #replies #I like stephane but i also have ambivalent feelings towards him bc I liked him as a skater but he is a coach now #I don't like to put ppl on pedestals #And Stephane is surely not a person without flaws

[talistableau]

A/N

Part 2! I can’t believe already how many ppl are liking this, it makes me feel so giddy XD

A couple of content warnings quickly

aggressive/threatening behaviour, bruise mention, talks of racism, underage pregnancy, mature language, brief mention of injury and just reader and Eddie being too cute for words

if I missed anything out let me know!

Tags:

@tayhar811

@cyberxcore

if you’d like to be tagged in the next part, just reply down below!

Without further ado, enjoy! 2.2k words!

ℂ𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕖𝕥 ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕗𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

You entered the combination of your locker and twisted the knob, deja vu hitting you like a freight train as you pulled it open, taking your books out and stuffing them into your bag. You were exhausted, an eight hour shift bartending at The Hideout the night before school probably wasn’t the greatest idea but hey—you needed the money. Rent, heating and food wasn’t going to pay for itself, was it? Especially with a four year old who wanted everything within grabbing distance in the supermarket.

Although partying for a couple of hours after your shift with Eddie and the rest of his band definitely didn’t do much for your energy and stamina, or help the lack of it.

Slamming it closed, you jumped back, coming face to face with the one person you really hoped that you wouldn’t have the misfortune of seeing. And he looked pissed beyond belief. Swallowing slightly, you backed away, taking a few small steps, disliking the proximity that he had set.

It felt sinister.

“So it’s true. You’re back then.”

“What do you want, Jason?” You folded your arms, “I’m not here to cause trouble or for revenge or whatever you’ve cooked up in that deluded little mind of yours, I just want to graduate and then move on with my life. ‘kay?”

You didn’t bother with niceties, you knew why he was there, cornering you when you were alone. It seems that Jason didn’t want to either when he grabbed your arm too tightly for your comfort, you knew it would definitely bruise.

“Hey, get off!” You glared, yanking your arm back only for him to pull you much closer than you had been, your breath catching in your throat. “Get off me!”

“Is he here?” He asked, his eyes burning holes into your skull, he gripped your arm tighter when you didn’t respond.

“Is he here?” He persisted.

You scoffed at this, “Of course he’s here, I'm not just going to leave him behind, am I?” Pause. “I’m not you.” You hissed, anger flashing through his eyes.

He started laughing. “Oh real funny, Y/N, how long have you been waiting to use that one? Huh?!” With one swift motion, your back met your locker with such force that it knocked the air out of your lungs.

“Four years, Jason! I’ve-i’ve been keeping that for four fucking years!” You coughed out, a hand on your chest and one on your back for support. “It’s not my fault that your parents think you’re this perfect little son with-with your awards and your scholarships and it is not Ozzy’s fault either!”

You surprised yourself by shoving him. Hard. Surprising yourself further when you raised your hand and struck him across the face, harder than you had initially shoved him as soon as he had moved towards you.

“Stupid bitch,” He growled and placed a hand on his cheek, glancing at the minute amount of blood now on his fingertips.

“That’s it.”

He took a single step and you began to run, desperate to get to your class, to be away from him. You hadn’t realised it but little tear tracks had fallen down your cheeks, glistening from the light that pooled in the corridors from the floor length windows.

“Y/N!”

Gasping when you collided into someone’s chest, you quickly scrambled to get away from them, fearful it was one of Jason’s friends. They’d happily watch him beat the shit out of you after the lies that Jason had told them all when you left Hawkins.

“Y/N?” This voice was much softer, familiar. “You okay?” Coming to, you realised it was Eddie. Relaxing, you nodded briefly, “Fine fine just-just got lost is all, been a while since I was last here, you know, don’t wanna be la—“

“Y/N!”

Your eyes widened fearfully and you quickly shook your head, babbling so fast that you were certain Eddie probably didn’t understand a word of it.

“No, no I am not okay, Jason’s gonna kill me and-and mail my body in pieces, I'm very much not okay, please help! God, Ed, I don't wanna die, I'm so young! and-and I’ve got a lot to live for—!“ You didn’t even realise it but you had grabbed onto his arm protectively, his eyes lingering there for a moment before he cut you off.

Grabbing your hand tightly he hurriedly led you to a janitor's closet that he knew of nearby. When you went to speak, he shushed you silently with a pout, bringing his finger to his lips and closing the door with you inside. Once the door shut, he decided to stand guard, not wanting to take any chances of jeopardising your safety.

You put your hand over your mouth and waited with bated breath when you heard Jason’s voice outside.

“Hey, freak! You seen anyone run down here?”

Both you and Eddie rolled your eyes simultaneously at the unfortunate nickname that the majority of Hawkins had bestowed on the poor metalhead. “Nope,” You heard Eddie pop the p and instantly got anxious. If Jason thought that he was lying, well he definitely wouldn’t hesitate to kick both of your asses.

“Although, I did see a rat run across there so if you lost one of your buddies,” He clicked his tongue and you could just picture the one-shoulder shrug he was almost certainly doing. “It uh went that-a way.”

You couldn’t help but smile from behind your hand, even in your state of terror. He was too great for words.

“You bein’ smart with me, Munson?” You heard Jason’s threatening tone and debated on just coming out of the closet to save poor Eddie from another whooping. It seemed that he knew your exact thought process as he planted his back firmly against the door, leaning his foot up against it, just as you reached for the handle.

“No!” He dragged out the ‘o’ with mock offence, “Yeah okay, maybe I am a bit.” He snickered, you instantly closed your eyes and winced internally. He was going to get beat up and it was all your fault.

“Seriously though, man, no-one’s run past.”

At the retreating footsteps you quietly exhaled in relief, allowing your body the chance to un-tense and your heart rate to return to a normal speed.

“Carver!” You heard him shout and instantly cursed him out under your breath. What was he doing? “You coming to Hellfire tonight? Been invitin’ you and your buddies for ages and you still ain’t showed up! Starting a new campaign, you’re more than welcome to join!”

“Get fucked, freak!”

“Hey, you know where I am!” He called back, and once it was safe to do so, you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. When Eddie opened the closet door and saw you doubled over on the ground with tears of laughter falling down your cheeks from him instead of the ones from Jason, he couldn’t help but grin. His boots made a squeak on the linoleum as he slid theatrically into the cupboard, closing it behind him.

Kneeling next to you, he put a hand on your shoulder, testing the waters. You instantly melted into his touch, burying your head into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you to him tightly as if you’d slip away the minute he let go.You’d gotten extremely close with each other after the Halloween party merely a few weeks prior, spending any free time with each other in yours or his trailer.

You weren’t usually a touchy person but when it came to Eddie, it was different. You felt safe, comforted, at peace in his arms.

Yes, he was the oxygen to your fire, fueling you and building you up, encouraging you when perhaps it wasn’t the best idea, but he was more so the newfound sunshine to your thunder. Things could be cold and gloomy and grey, and he’d come and brighten up your world, effortlessly bringing light back into your life after going so long without it.

He kissed the top of your head sweetly, a deep sigh falling from your lips. “You gonna tell me what that was ‘bout?” He mumbled into your hair, pressing yet another kiss on your head, this time to your temple. When you didn’t answer, he rubbed your arm soothingly, muttering softly to you. “You don’t have to say, sweetheart, ‘m sorry.”

Taking a shaky breath you looked up at him, the cheeky glimmer usually in his eyes dimmed with anxiety. Moving away from his chest, you sat next to him, his arm still wrapped around your shoulder as you held his hand tightly.

“He didn’t want me to come back..” You began, your eye contact wavering

Eddie's eyebrows furrowed. “Why not? I didn’t even know you two knew each other. Definitely not well enough for you to have to hide from him in a closet that smells like old farts.”

You laughed humorlessly, bringing your bottom lip in between your teeth again, nibbling on it “Oh, we know each other alright,” Eddie’s confusion became all too apparent so you decided to just say it, to just rip off the band-aid in one go, “He didn’t want me to come back because he’s Ozzy’s dad. And the only people that know that are me, my mom and him—and now you, I guess.”

“Woah..” He puffed his cheeks out and exhaled, a small silence ensued. “You and Carver? Really?”

You nodded, squishing your face up in disgust, wiping the tears that littered your skin. “Ugh, I know, tell me about it, if I could go back and talk to fourteen year old me, I’d tell her to stay the fuck away from him.”

Eddie stuck his tongue out to join in with your disgust and you laughed, despite everything.

“fourteen?” He asked, “You were fourteen when you got pregnant?”

You waited for the judgmental tone in his voice, the shame about to fall on you like a tonne of bricks, crushing everything in sight. The tone that your so called ‘friends’ had used when you’d told them of your pregnancy, the tone your grandparents had used on you, the tone that laced the venomous words that spewed from your own fathers mouth. You closed your eyes waiting for it—but it didn’t come.

“Shit, you must’ve been scared,” You opened your eyes again, blinking and taking in what he had said.

“What?” You murmured quietly

Eddie squeezed your hand comfortingly, “I mean with no-one there to help, you must’ve been.. pretty fuckin’ scared, no?”

“Oh for sure, yeah.” You breathed out, “Don’t even get me started on the morning sickness,—oh and the pimples, god it was legitimately my hormonal hell.” You finish with a laugh, Eddie joining in, “The judgement, the weird looks I got in the hospitals, the bills from the hospital, the racism, the—“

“Racism?” Eddie interjected, a fury in his face that you had never been witness to before, feeling only too grateful to not be on the receiving end of it. “What, in the hospital?”

You nod with a dry laugh. ”Oh yeah, nurses saying they’re not shocked I’m knocked up at fourteen because it’s common in ‘my type’,” You quoted with your fingers for emphasis, “not giving me enough pain relief when I gave birth because they think that we feel pain differently or some bullshit like that?” You rolled your eyes.

“That’s,” His brow furrowed, deep in thought as he tried thinking of the right word, “whack, pure whack.” Miming the swing of a baseball bat—sound effects and all, you both collapsed into a fit of laughter.

You giggled, leaning your head onto his shoulder with a content sigh. The moment shortly ruined as the shrill of the school bell brought you both back to the present situation, turning to look at each other at the same time, both eyes extremely wide.

“Shit!”

“You got Chem next?” Eddie asked, standing and gently pulling you to your feet, helping you steady yourself.

You shook your head sadly, hiking your bag further up your shoulder as the pair of you left the closet. “Nope, sorry, Advanced Calculus.”

He headed in the opposite direction you were going, grinning as he walked backwards to continue facing you. “You’re taking that class willingly? And people say I’m the freak.”

“Oh haha,” You laughed with a playful roll of your eyes. They slowly widened as you realised Eddie had no clue what was behind him.

“Watch out—!” You tried to warn him but it was too late, he’d already tripped over the thin pole that marked the end of one flooring and the beginning of the next. Another bout of laughter overtook you both, subsiding as he groaned in pain, laying flat in the middle of the hallway that was sure to soon be busy and overflowing with impatient peers.

“Hey, Y/N?” He slowly raised his head to look at you as you walked towards him, intending on making sure he wasn’t too badly hurt.

“Uh-huh?”

“What do you say we uh, skip class and go do something else?” His tone was suggestive, if not a bit strained. “Like say..go to the nurses office?” He winced.

“You hit your head, didn’t you?”

“Yes, yes I did.”

#eddie munson x y/n #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x you #eddie munson #jason carver #corroded coffin #my words #my work #my writing #eddie stranger things #justice for eddie #x reader #fanfic #black reader #hellfire club #poc reader #teen mum #teen mother awareness #teen mom #x mom reader #confession #secret #deadbeat dads #jason carver sucks #part two #long lost love #reunion #reunited #slow burn romance #send asks

[junosswans]

Explosion boy-critical rant, or more like a comment on fanfiction's interpretation of him but I'm going to tag it as character bashing and censor his name anyway so that ppl who don't wanna read it won't okie

It's really laughable to me how some fanfics interpret the bullying thing as "I hurt you because if I didn't do so others would have done it 3 times as bad, I was doing it to protect you" and such logic was surprisingly not an one-time thing?? That I've seen in multiple fics??

While there were a few (mostly fics that deviated greatly from canon) that managed to pull this off and make b*k*gou's incentive look at least a little convincing within the fic's context, the majority of them baffled me greatly. The top student in aldera with a whole bunch of minions (<– canon) most definitely did not need to do that to shield anyone. If dude would boldly state that whoever crosses his friend crosses him? no one would dare lay a finger on Izuku, at least not when he's around. But because he took such a leading role in the bullying, people jumped on the train to get included and not become the next victim. If there's one person, just one person in the class who dare to speak against it vocally, you could almost guarantee that it would temper down. That's how the psychology of group bullying typically works (as far as I'm concerned), that a few main bully start shits and others whose fear of isolation outweighed their sense of justice follow suit. Would there have been other bullies who's gonna step into Bak*g*u's place as the lead bully if firecracker boy didn't do it? Almost undoubtedly. But as the school's popular guy since kindergarten, I'm also 100% certain that if he wanted to "prevent others from bullying someone", it would've been as easy as breathing.

Now, I'm not chastising the character with durian inspired hairstyle, because the fandom had gone through that many times (though I might again), but that one would need to put up a better argument if they wanted an excuse for certain behaviours. Because this? This is not a convincing one (but I also feel the need to reiterate that fanfiction doesn't have the responsibility to be realistic, I'm just expressing my irritation at lackluster logic). I couldn't help but feel like some people just... Perhaps got too used to the idea of "boys are rude to you because they like you" or they have never witnessed group bullying situation. (Which is fine btw and I don't wish anyone in that situation) I guess it's just a bit of my pet peeve and if b*kug*u could at least admit it was his insecurities (still much work to do ahead) you could too my dear

Also, just a side note, Bak*go* redemption fics where Izuku tried to convince others that "it's the school that failed him it's not his fault"? Like, I'm not excusing the school obviously they deserved to be burnt to the ground and it did feel in character for Izuku to ask others to forgive mr dynamite, but also have you considered that just in the beginning of the story, in the midoriya origin episode, it was pretty clearly stated that the bullying and name calling started way before their quirk manifested and before they went to kindergarten even. Of course also before the whole "falling into river" shebang. So tbh I have a very hard time to wrap my head around why he would bully Izuku (and evidently others, as we saw Izuku tried to stop bkg and his friends from kicking another kid) aside from being born like *that*, and in general I just find the "his school failed him" argument also lacking in some way.

Anyways this has just been on my mind today and I wanted to rant a bit to someone that's not my sister (who is unfortunately subjected to a lot of my mha rantings while not into it) lol

#anti katsuki bakugou #bnha #lia speaks #sorry? #anti bakugou #anti bakugo

[whatiwillsay]

omg thank you! I'm so excited to look into other gaylor meta and lore. I just can't anymore with the 'how can we make everything Taylor does about Karlie' train. I'm so excited to dig into Tily. You can't talk tily in certain spaces cause it's believed some ppl made up the tily ship just to spite kaylor. Unnecessary because both could've happened. Whatever the Tily era was looked so hot. Not to be a creep but Taylor's never been hotter to me then that era. Deadpool pic lives rent free forever

@tilynation ‘s masterpost outlines so many exquisite moments in the tily timeline like you literally can’t make it up. we didn’t make up that lily travelled on rep tour w tay we have her there on candid camera 😩 we didn’t make up that lily has a tattoo of the word gold on her wrist, we didn’t make taylor go stay in london where lily was and get overheard in lilys apartment, we didn’t give lily ocean blue eyes (compared to karlie’s green) and an accent (in contrast with karlie’s lack of accent) like SORRY THATS NOT MY FAULT anyway tily supremacy rise up what were we talking about?

[redxblueihateloveyou]

you said it like xiaoge is NON-magical lol

😂 Well, you know what I meant.

It's like every time anything crazy or seemingly "supernatural" going on there, at the end they always find some rational explanation for that. It's either like such natural phenomenas or weird creatures truly exist (maybe slightly exaggerated but still like 'could be'), or there're some hallucinations or drugs, or some freakish chemistry/geometry/medical thing you couldn't have guessed, or secret body techniques that would make you go "ppl actually do that?" etc.

I mean techinically besides Black Glasses, who we still don't know anything about really, even when it comes to Xiaoge apart from the aging factor.. there's nothing else supernatural about him (except for the fact that he's the most incredible human being). I mean his body was just trained and tortured to this state. The blood thing I think you know the story behind, but also it's used in many chinese historical thingies, it also doesn't in fact means its "magical" despite the fact that it seems so. From what they've been doing with him its just basically a rough interpretation of when they train warriors body to adapt to stuff. There's nothing supernatural about his fighting either, he's just perfected it to the point that his movements seem too smooth. But in "Restart" novel, Wu Xie is saying that he noticed that they were "moving in perfect synch now as if they were same person during fights", and that its cause they were so close for a long time and he wanted to learn only from him, thus like.. if you try hard enough you can also do that.

Tattoo is also not supernatural. It's just exaggerated a bit again. I mean, pigeon blood tattoos aren't completely invisible, but they're very pale until you get drunk and the surface of the skin heats up. Also just chinese history etc etc.

Well, and the fact that he's insanely handsome is not his fault haha.

So all in all... My point is, the beauty of DMBJ to me is that NPSS kinda loves this affect of when at first you watch and read it and think "oh it's magic" and then you keep watching or open google and like "oh these 'talking' snakes do exist" or "oh so these were not zombies, the corps were moving cause of the flesh eating animals inside" etc

Hence my point is... there's no way anyone thinks its fucking true.

They do not really do.. hey it was bibidi babidi boo. And it fits the plot of the books.

#answered #anonymous #zhang qiling #daomu biji #dmbj #lost tomb

[sloanesdreams]

therapy 04/15/24

had a really insane therapy session today where I learned a lot of things about myself. I guess things ive known for a while, but i havent fully accepted/processed. it started with elli and how i haven't forgiven her for something that happened 6 years ago and how i ruminate and hold grudges. i do this because part of me doesn't believe myself. why dont i believe myself? why do i ruminate? because im trying to protect myself when so many things that i pretend aren't real happened in my childhood + my past. things that i find shameful. why do i find them shameful? because its easier to pretend that my life wasnt that bad. that i didnt feel unsafe as a child. that my parents were loving + protecting. not only that, ive been trained by authority figures that what i do remember is wrong. tina telling me that my dad is just like that and to get over it/normalize it, my mom telling me that she has it worse, the embarrassment of cps coming to my house, other ppl seeing my parents and thinking they were normal. its just easier to pretend that's true, and it makes me doubt my actual feelings. maybe it is true! maybe i'm being overdramatic and whiney- things aren't that bad! i have always lied and said my dad wasn't part of my story. but he is. all the trauma that i can't remember is part of my story. kennedy and why that all happened. i cant even broach the topic anymore. i cant even think about it. forget forget forget. so now, that's why i ruminate. that's why i have to convince myself that things people did are wrong in order to protect myself. and its hard because i was programmed to not do that. to deny and forget. as delphine said, i couldn't process that as a child– it was too painful. so now, my nervous system is in overdrive, i hyperanalyze people and am so so distrustful and unforgiving. because i cant deal with the source of those problems. i cant truly not judge and forget what happened. even though i can't remember it, my spirit does, my nervous system does, my poor tortured inner child does. it's so much easier to keep pretending and make up these fake traumas then face the real ones. it's easier to say i was raped in china than i was raped by numerous older men (and in some ways i still feel like i deserved it). I still havent brought up those stories with delphine. not even sure if i can do it yet. these are things that i havent admitted to anyone ever. i'm so embarrassed, humiliated by my vulnerabilities because i don't want to face them. i don't want this ugly part of me to ever come out. because i feel like if it were all true, i'd be unfixable and pathetic. that's why i fiercely protect myself now, maybe to a fault. i think that's why i know instantly whether or not i like people and why i'm so sensitive to their mistakes. because i feel a deep deep disgust that i have never really explored or let out. i recognize evil, i recognize darkness, i recognize bad. so maybe that's good now. but i wish i could have gone back in time and protected little me. she didn't deserve all the things that happened to her. and it's so unfair those things happened to her. but maybe i should move a little slower like delphine said. try to relax and calm my nerves when i've been through so much. it's reversible. i am strong. my life has texture to it. maybe all this shit has made me crazy, but all i can do is respect and honor myself now. put myself and my feelings first. actually listen to myself, honor my feelings, and slow down.

[shallowrambles]

I think some wires got crossed and the theme of being detrimentally self reliant got penned as, "it's your fault you're homeless." I don't think of it that way. Nor do I think self-reliance is bad. It's simply a recurring theme in my view. :) I also think that, within the consideration of soldier vs civilian life, there is a running propaganda that "war prepares you to be tough and take on anything."

But in reality, many of us struggle to integrate into civilian life, even when we're given the "right tools" for success. That sometimes comes down to: we don't know how use them effectively, or ppl often assume our "war competence" can make up the difference. It can feel like we have nothing. *We* can feel like nothing when wrenched from the sense of routine / adrenaline / family that the military provides.

We wind up with failures at life: daddy's blunt instruments, addiction freaks, freaks with knife collections, heavenly hammers, adrenaline junkies, failed perfectionists...and in the world of SPN, they choose war. Constantly. Consistently. War can be a lot of things: defense of innocents, just cause, unjust cause, duty, pre-emptive striking, evil, agression, protection of resources, theft of resources, glee of the kill, crime, abusive relationship, unthinking black-and-white. And I feel like every character struggles with it, or even becomes extension of it at times. Family becomes an extreme version of "serving same cause." I think of Jody and Claire, "I don't want her to hunt just because hunting is all she has."

Anyway, failure to integrate. That's for lots of reasons intersecting mental health and practical training, but in a nutshell: (a) basic training doesn't really prepare you for real life like they say and (b) war and fighting skills don't often translate to entry level work. You don't always get the education you were promised, or you don't have the soft skills to put it to good use. Or you're so psychologically injured that you can't make the education work in context of the foggy stress of poor focus and despair.

I loved the point someone brought up (I'm sorry I forgot your handle name!) that due to nomadic lives and chronic homelessness, Dean and Sam may be almost as inept in "real life" as Cas is. Their ideas of "regular, apple pie life," are very dreamlike and pie-in-the-sky, at least from the view I have here. (It's at least interesting to think about. I'll have to roll it around in my mind some more. They at the very least had cushioning from their partners when they tried.)

But I do keep thinking about how Cas has had prior experience being wired money by Bobby at Dean's insistence and used public transportation comfortably and under duress as early as season 5. Cas was clearly not up to par on vehicles or how far gas would take him before needing a refill, but he handles the bus well on at least a few occasions I can think of.

I don't have a smoking gun here, but I can't help but wonder on hurt feelings and pride being factors because of that. And that's not a judgment, per se, just an observation. Cas would have a minimal sense of what he needed to start with, esp after the time he had in the shelters on the run, but bottom line, he recovered very quickly after coming to an emotional decision re: fighting heaven. I think Cas was aiming for a certain kind of independence and "human normalcy" (job + dating + then trying to save up), and he wasn't too bad at it! It was a lot about the Winchesters, sure, but it was also a lot about fucking up Heaven.

And I prefer this multi-factorial soldier's failure to integrate as the reading for obvious reasons, as it connects to the "afterward" parts with Malachi and the angel penitance group. I even see it as thematically elegant and connected to his headspace pre-metatron and trying to fix heaven. :) It's just the easiest one for me to grasp, and getting soldiers to ask for help...is (anecdotally) hard. And Cas was rejected in a way that had him doubting his perception, if his soliloquy to the baby is anything to go by. It's not a stretch for me to imagine a stiff upper lip happening, post hurt-feelings and crazy-whiplash of the bunker kickout, and ofc the wound of trusting Metatron in the first place. So in effect, I think it was a combination of every factor, a Winchester callousness born from guilt and bad planning born of panic, resultant stiff upper lip, overestimation of competence, the works. Nonetheless, they recover from it pretty quickly. Because soldiers often more easily forgive other soldiers for their "wartime" decisions.

And I just, really--the theme of raised soldiers seving cause above everything is so fundamental to the bones of the characters and the show, I really do view it as pre-existent and built-in...especially down to the very fibers of Cas and Dean sacrificing themselves as "means to an end / to win the war" in seasons 6 & 9 respectively. It's their upbringing. It's the bane of the wannabe-strongman-hero-soldier (and even Cas's suscepitibility to the good kind fallacy/child of destiny that he bows to in latter seasons.)

As for Dean, he goes off the deep end not long after this in trying to go it alone with the MOC, following his moral injury in tricking Sam. So the theme of detrimental self-reliance shifts to him a bit. "I alone will take care of Abbadon." I just think that it, like nihilism, is a major SPN theme.

#soldiernatural #Depends on the war era tho and soldiers are pretty well to do these days #and this is what i mean too when i say viewing it as only fam snd interpersonal drama will ALWAYS fall short

[shxxtingstarss]

therapy no. 35

today was a quite calm session, maybe my therapist did that on purpose because I realised how extremely exhausted I am and told him so and how everything is too much at the moment, getting out of bed, drinking, eating, breathing... but I try to carry on as if nothing happened and as if I had no choice. I also feel like I don't have a choice and like I JUST HAVE TO GO ON somehow, even though I'm a complete wreck and I could easily spend at least a week straight up crying in my bed and/or self-medicating me to a weeks sleep or sth.

We ended up talking quite a bit about how a lot (ok sorry, all of them actually) of my current problems, setting boundaries for example, stem from my childhood - I had to ignore my boundaries, it was a strategy in order to survive. I also realised that I was barely or maybe actually never angry as a child, and later as a teenager I felt anger but started to turn it towards myself instead of towards the people I was actually mad at (my mother for example, or all the people that maybe saw some signs of my struggles or even some signs of the abuse happening at my "home", like the priest I was telling some stuff to when I had my first confession, stuff I felt bad for even though it was not my fault at all, I felt bad for not keeping the peace at home, for not physically defending my mother when my parents had massive fights.. etc). So I probably started to feel all the anger I also had as a child - it seems like nowadays I'm starting to feel many of the feelings I wasn't able to feel when I was a child, the anxiety, the desparation, the anger...

It's really a bit offputting to lie in bed and have anxiety levels as if someone's hunting you and you have to fear for your life. But that's my day-to-day-life at the moment and I'm trying to not go crazy and fight that anxiety by going to the gym and lifting some heavy weights (progress is everything, started deadlifting a few days ago on top of my PPL split and repped 70 kg today). The last few days (it's not wednesday anymore, already saturday) were extremely exhausting and I had a few good moments too, but my social battery really needs some recharging. Also had some kind of tummy issue for a few days which meant I couldn't eat properly, not great for my training and overall wellbeing either. Hoping to write more soon.

[troglobite]

just watched a video by a creator i like about shitty trends in body types and the rise of bbls etc

and the entire last half of the video was her talking about her own body issues like as an example

but.

i just.

her partner is a personal trainer and like.

there was just. a lot of talk. about natural body sculpting. and put in the work like adele. 

i want to be SO PAINFULLY CLEAR that those were NOT! the takeaway messages that were emphasized!

but BOY did they make my skin fucking crawl!

the creator is thin. or at the very least, is Small and Curvy. conventionally attractive.

but she’s put on weight on her stomach and bbls typically take the fat from your stomach and put it on your ass/hips. so ppl w her shape have these flat stomachs. and she’s like damn i’ve considered flattening my stomach

but instead she’s just like “yeah y’know the normal stuff of like what you eat and exercising” and the whole “calorie deficit” thing and i am

.....

FRUSTRATED.

how do you make an hour long video about the damage that the proliferation of unrealistic body image goals and plastic surgery are doing

AND THEN REPEAT FATPHOBIC GARBAGE???

also i’m not going to shit on a person for getting plastic surgery ever

like among the many reasons that’s the case, hi hello i’m a trans person and while medical transition isn’t part of my life (except maybe breast reduction bc i just got back into Seriously Exercising Again finally, and oh my GOD my breasts are a LIVING NIGHTMARE to work around) it absolutely is for so many trans people

like it’s crucial to mental health and survival, and also like, bodily autonomy. let people do what they want. 

HOWEVER

my “exception/however” is that by and large, most plastic surgery things just. perpetuate fatphobia and racist beauty standards and also trends based on them.

and i just think that that DOES need to be laid at the feet of the industry and also health care in general.

like plastic surgery that changes someone’s weight or the structure of their face to match with values that are fatphobic or racist is not morally neutral.

the person getting it is not at fault for it, but the thing itself is like. not morally neutral. it doesn’t make them bad, the thing just Sucks and contributes to like. perpetuating shit in society that is actively harmful.

discussing losing weight and like. applauding adele--who, by the way, has had work done and hasn’t talked about it. like. i’m sorry, her face is not the same, and that is NOT just weight loss. i’ve seen people who were very fat lose a lot of weight over the years, their faces DO NOT CHANGE THAT MUCH. 

it’s not a huge difference, but like. christ. how many celebrities just get their eyebrows surgically lifted, y’know?

anyway whatever.

i was just really frustrated that she talked about curating her instagram to make sure she saw as many different kinds of bodies as possible, and like “accepting fat bodies” or whatever and i’m like. 

and still. you’re talking about body sculpting and losing weight and calories in and calories out. 

like your training partner said “maybe 1 pound lost a week is about as good as it’ll get” and like. yeah at least it’s realistic but also ???

WHY DO WE HAVE TO TALK SO MUCH ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT? AS IF THAT IS SOMEHOW NEUTRAL IN OUR SOCIETY???

and also this idea that people should do what they want--yeah, they should. but what they want does not exist in a fucking vacuum.

are you really going to tell me that people who get procedures done aren’t influenced by beauty standards at the time? or some other thing having to do with like, white supremacy and all its attendant pieces?

again THAT DOES NOT MAKE THEM A “BAD PERSON”

but i AM saying that all of our decisions and preferences are influenced by what is around us and what we take in, etc.

so no, getting a bbl because you want one and it’ll make you feel better--that isn’t. like! that’s not in a vacuum! i mean it COULD be! certainly! i’m not here to be the arbiter of this shit!

i just think this conversation is more complicated than “unattainable beauty standards” and the accessibility (in terms of pervasiveness) of plastic surgery. 

i also don’t think (i’m going to repeat this again here!) that plastic surgery is ~evil~ bc it’s not. it’s existed for a long time and does a lot of good in the world in terms of things like transition, etc. and also just like, things that people wanna change about themselves bc like. idk. bad memories, or just being irritated thinking about one of their features too much and like “eh, just get rid of it” or whatever. y’know? there’s a lot of shit and grey and again BODILY AUTONOMY.

i will never, not in a million years, tell someone what to do with their own body (beyond begging people i love to please for the love of fuck not do something that will 100% give them covid)

that’s not the point i’m making

i think, in an ideal world, it would be possible for plastic surgery to exist and be relatively popular or accepted--and for it to not, by default, perpetuate a lot of horrific beauty standards that literally kill people

but i also just. think more realistic and honest conversations about bodies, how they change and grow, REAL discussion about HEALTH by which i mean--things that are unnecessary that can harm you versus the moralizing of health and dehumanization of sick and disabled people, etc. like having REAL conversations about this shit would, i bet, lower the rate of people getting plastic surgery. 

there’s just so many harms being perpetuated by the industry and the prevalence of it in media. 

and it just. bugs me. that in a longass video discussing just that.

this person. somehow. perpetuated those same fucking problems and praised someone for losing weight.

do you think adele would ever have lost that weight or gotten work done if she wasn’t famous? probably not. at least not to that extent. 

do you honestly think the way she lost weight was safe? was entirely by choice? like. i sure as fuck don’t. i also don’t think it’s sustainable without a FUCKTON of extra work and being miserable in your day to day life. 

i just. i’m tired. i’m sick of trusting people and still finding casual fatphobia.

she literally said at one point “maybe i need to reckon w the fact that my fear of having fat on my stomach is internalized fatphobia”

it’s not internalized it’s just fatphobia. and yes. you should.

the video is more than 6 months old and the vast majority of people commenting are thanking her for this honest discussion.

bc i wanna be so painfully clear about this, too.

her discussing her own bodily insecurities and then attempting to debunk them IS VERY GOOD! YES! MORE CONVERSATIONS LIKE THAT, PLEASE!

but don’t follow it up with talk about “real” ways to lose weight and BODY SCULPT. you’re perpetuating the fucking problem.

people with eating disorders ALSO ABUSE EXERCISE. 

i’m just very tired. hopefully she’s like. idk. had some discussions about it. no one is “perfect”, that’s not my point.

i just wish. that. she had been a little more conscious about how some of that was coming off and what it’s really saying.

also the “why don’t y’all just do it like adele” thing was bitter and more aimed at influencers. but they “joked” about like--

“god forbid people put in some work for once”

//stares blankly

excuse me?

i really can’t tell their full sense of humor or where it’s aiming or what the intent is (bc it was her and friend at that point in the video)

obviously they’re goofing and there is SOME layer of irony. 

but. the way everything was edited. and sandwiched with all this talk about body sculpting and shit (which WASN’T ironic in the LEAST), it’s just. 

not great. i didn’t like it. i sat through it hoping it would get better because the first half of the video was fine. 

i learned a bit about bbls and where they come from and how they work and also how they can kill you (not commonly, but YIKES. enough YIKES to be a dangerous procedures). 

like valuable info! good insight!

and then you top it off with fatphobic garbage. i’m tired. 

oh no wait i forgot. a thing.

she said at one point that she wished she was either much skinnier, or much heavier. because her in-between weight feels weird.

and i would just like to say

AT NO POINT WOULD YOU STOP FEELING WEIRD ABOUT YOUR BODY

AND ALSO BEING MUCH HEAVIER WOULD INCUR SO MANY SOCIETAL ILLS AND HARMS AND BIGOTRY AND STRUCTURAL SYSTEMIC OPPRESSION

KINDLY DO NOT SAY YOU’D RATHER BE “ONE EXTREME” BECAUSE THE MIDDLE SPACE IS WEIRD

at the same time!!!! i’m saying it here and NOT NAMING OR TAGGING HER because holy shit let people feel what they feel and process it

but oh my FUCKING god don’t act like an extra 40 pounds wouldn’t immediately get you on the fast train to “let’s yell at that fatso” town. no, it wouldn’t be better just because it’s more concrete. it would not be better kindly readjust your thinking and take this into account--and also maybe use it to continue to feel better about your body. 

also this is complicated because holy shit race and skin color make everything way more nuanced and complicated! i am ONLY talking about weight--i am not specifying the ways in which fat black women would be treated versus fat women of other races, esp white. my point is just that in general, it’s Not Better than being ~in between~

but also the trauma around being treated as in between? very legit!

i’m tired of having to carry all the nuance idfk man i’m just venting and frustrated. i don’t think she’s a bad person. i think she was right and insightful about a lot of stuff. i think i don’t have a single leg to stand on to tell someone how they should feel about their body or their relationship to it or their trauma or ANYTHING. 

i am just frustrated that a video meant to be a net positive or neutral instead ended up saying this stuff that IS FATPHOBIC because it is PERCEIVED AS NEUTRAL because health is still being held as this golden moral standard without her even realizing it.

this is not me railing against HER. i guess i should’ve specified that to. i’m not mad AT HER. i’m frustrated. 

because it’s so fucking pervasive that even well meaning people fuck up in ways that aren’t just like “oh shit you made a mistake” but like in ways that are like “yeah, accepting fat people is like. okay. but also. it’s still bad and people should still lose weight because it IS possible, just change your diet and exercise more.”

like that is a takeaway that a LOT of people are going to have from that video. and i’m tired. and they’ll swallow it more easily--including ppl w EDs and fat people struggling w body image--because it’s coming from a well meaning person who is sympathetic and educated and kind. 

whatever i need to stop. feel free to please ignore this. this doesn’t need to be a discussion. i’m only typing like half of what is happening in my head rn, rest assured that the most unnecessarily nuanced “all sides” Discourse is currently happening in my head and i’m considering not even posting this rant to my own fucking blog. 

here’s the other reason it makes me feel bad

i just got back into exercising with this dancing company/app that i like and have been following for a while, but i haven’t done their classes or bought a membership yet. i finally did, bc i’m like, i wanna! a lot of things i wanna do involve being more active and fit, and learning to dance. 

and i’m really struggling with how weak and out of shape my body has gotten in the last several years, because i used to be pretty fit. i looked the same, though.

i’ve gained more fat in my stomach and on my back over the course of the pandemic because the SHEER VOLUME OF COMPOUNDING STRESSORS have just continued to go up for the last like. five years. 

and there is NO ROOM to exercise in this FUCKING house, so i’m FORCING it now bc i just got. bored and sick of it.

i want to be fit again bc i want to do cool things and feel good about what i can do, and just be more active.

the strength of my legs was something i LOVED and would brag about. i loved cardio kickboxing bc i felt strong and powerful.

and i never lost much weight at all. i was still the same shape.

so that’s not the goal.

though i DO want to kind of help remove some of the extra fat i’ve gotten over the last few years, because i had already reached my set point weight, and this is extra.

i’m NOT going to change my diet because my diet is already such a huge issue for me, and i think my diet is fine. 

i am NOT exercising JUST to lose weight. it’s all of the above reasons. and i have VERY realistic goals about what weight i COULD lose and actually keep off (not much--10 pounds? idk, i’m bad at quantifying weight bc it looks so different on everyone and at different points in your life)

and i want breast reduction bc my breasts are so fucking huge that they make a LOT of things i want to do and enjoy basically impossible and also they HURT ME. ACTIVELY. and i hate it. 

smaller boobs would make me feel physically better, and also i’d feel more confident. 

but i am STRUGGLING. i hate how weak i am. i hate how out of shape i am. i hate my body bc i sweat SO MUCH and it always makes me feel gross and pathetic and weak and ~fat~ 

but. i don’t know that, even now, i would say that i hate my body. i don’t think i do. i’m REALLY frustrated with it. i hate the passage of time. i hate the fucking world, i hate this country, i’m sick of everything being infinitely harder than it needs to be.

but my body has been so stressed out and panicked and like i get it. if you need to put on some weight about it bc you don’t know what else to do, fine. that’s okay. i will accommodate and adjust. and i will try to take care of you so that the extra weight is just extra weight and not like, declining vitals/blood work, etc.

idk i’m just rambling now, my point was this:

i’m in a really sensitive place with my body. my relationship with my weight and body has been very weird. i’m fat but not a large fat. i’ve been made fun of for being fat but i have structural access to things other fat people don’t. i’ve been fit and i know that being fit doesn’t make me thin, bc that’s just how my body is. i’m short and fat and always will be.

so.

a relatively thin person.

talking about body sculpting.

and putting in the work.

makes me angry. 

because IT’S NOT TRUE.

and it riles up those old feelings i used to have, and still sometimes think about. how much easier life would be if i was thin. the clothes, the access--people thinking i’m hot. people wanting to date me. 

what would my life have been like if i was thin in high school? if i knew what gender and sexuality was at the time?

i can’t pursue this line of thought, it’s not healthy.

but it makes me MAD. 

because that shit isn’t true. and believing that body sculpting and diet and exercise and putting in the work would just FIX my body is like. so fucking toxic.

I LITERALLY KNOW THAT IT WON’T.

it will just make me fitter and more athletic/physically capable. i might lose some weight, so i might look a little more muscular. but i will still have my stomach (though slightly smaller), i will still have big flabby arms, i will still have “thunder thighs” as a fellow 9 year old once told me, my face will always be round.

that’s. like that’s fine. it’s my body. i know what it is. i’m trying to get it back to being fitter so i feel better in general.

and i’m just.

body sculpting is not a fucking thing.

how dare you say that celebrities and influencers saying that bbl results are achievable through diet and exercise are dangerous liars

but YOU saying that BODY SCULPTING is fine is like--not a problem at all.

again, not me mad at this one person.

me mad in general at the things society makes acceptable, even/especially among people who thing they’re anti-fatphobia.

and also just personally. i felt really bad about myself after the first few class-things i did the other day. i felt weak and pathetic. and today was also bad bc i found their “basics of dance” program and it’s. REALLY basic.

and still i was struggling. like intellectually i know it and can do it, but my fit. and my physically limitations.

it sucks. and i hate it. 

and i just don’t want people pretending that you can magically fucking change your body--or even acting like THAT IS A NORMAL AND ACCEPTABLE GOAL YOU SHOULD HAVE

i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired

my fingers hurt i have to stop typing

#really excessive and extensive rambling about body image and eating disorders and weight loss #also plastic surgery and other related things like with social media etc #i watched a video and i didn't like the second half and this is me ranting about why #because i think it perpetuated and contributed to fatphobia even though the video's aim was ostensibly to shit on fatphobia etc #and i'm really just tired

[taylors-fourth-cat-meow]

I know that some people are taking calling out SJM's portrayal of Tamlin as excusing his abuse, but I don't believe that's any of our intentions. Rather than that, I feel as if we are just pointing out how sometimes the narrative twists some of his rather harmless actions and makes them out to be the worst of all. For example, when Feyre kept mentioning how she felt degraded by him for not being assigned a title that didn't even exist (and that she had no credentials for) - this was pushed so hard that almost every post when acomaf came out talked about it instead of how Tamlin physically hurt her. I remember so many Feysand stans claiming that they mostly disliked him for that reason, which in handsight makes sense because if they criticized him for being too controlling at times, they'd be forced to call out Rhysand's whole character.

Hi anon!!

I absolutely agree.

Tamlin's actions and abuse is always explained never justified unlike rhysie's.

They can't call Tamlin out on his actual abusive qualities without acknowledging rhysie's actions as abuse because they are one and the same thing. Hence they pull at the most trivial things just to villainize Tamlin while also saying rhysie is the best god damn feminist in this world.

It's actually so confusing

Rhysie is a feminist because he let feyre train (by putting her in danger again and again) and gave her the title of high lady (which doesn't even make sense because feyre is not considered rhysies equal in anyway, acosf was just further proof).

Tamlin is a misogynist because feyre assumed he wanted her to wear dresses and that wearing pants wud make a statement (for the last time bitch what statement?!?!?!) because wearing dresses is a sign of weak females who don't have any freedom or autonomy, explained to feyre why she won't be called a high lady when she said she didn't want to be called that, thought a ruthless, powerful, tyrant who sent heads in his front yard as a joke, kidnapped his fiancee, who funnily enough he SA for three months and did everything in his power to get her back.

In my opinion Tamlin's only mistakes which are all retcons btw (excluding some things because they totally go against things actually written in the previous books) were:

Continuing to keep company with Ianthee

Not letting feyre train and making decisions for her powers and body for his peace of mind (which sound familiar?? To a certain purple eyed bat's actions in a certain 700 page book??)

Locking feyre in the manor (also sound familiar to what a supposedly noble high lord and lady did to her own sister??)

Slut shaming her at the High Lords metting (which sound familiar to a certain infamous "intervention")

Tamlin not 'saving her from her darkness that was consuming her' doesn't count because Tamlin himself was mentally unstable and suffering from PTSD. if you have a broken leg you can't support another person with a broken leg srry.

Calamnai scene from book 1?? No one except sjm is to blame for that nonsense.. but if you put it irl, tamlin is drunk out of his mind with no sense of reality and feyre, knowing this, completely sober, willing goes near him and doesn't stop him when he tries to kiss her even when he made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want anything to happen between them?? But Put all that in the acotar world it's no one's fault accept sjm.

His magical outburst, I have explained this before and @/worldsnotsaid also wrote a gr8 explanation about it but that ... Wasn't exactly abuse... He doesn't do it with the intention of hurting feyre and gain control or power over her. His power isn't even directed at her. He almost hurts her and he is responsible for it but that can't be labelled abuse. I get how this can be a little questionable for some ppl but no I don't think tamlin physically abused feyre. Try to reverse the scenario, tamlin locks feyre into the manor, it brings up her trauma and she looses control of her magic and hurts all the ppl in that manor. Is it still abuse?? Tamlin abused her 100% and he also abused his sentries but the study scene isn't that.

I feel pity for the ppl who try to point out abusive qualities in Tamlin in book 1 thinking their fav author is so smart and put subtle signs only ture fans can understand. And not accept the fact that SJM got bored with tamlin and suddenly realised she gets hard for rhysie

In comparison to all that rhysie has:

SA feyre for THREE MONTHS

Twisted her bone

Made a bargain for his gain under duress

Licked her without permission

Kissed her without permission

Mind r*pped her

Read her personal thoughts and said it out loud for ppl to hear (which I don't get how it is any different from Tamlins actions in the HL meeting)

Gaslighted her while she was with Tamlin

Actually made her wear clothes she hated

Put her life in jeopardy repeatedly for his gain

Touched her inappropriately in front of ppl again with the pretense of it being a "mask"

Held crucial information about her body from her

Stripped her from the right to consider abortion by not telling the risks of pregnancy

Asked everyone in her family to not tell her either

Put a sheild around her to isolate her even from her family members

Removed the shield around enemies to have them scent her baby rich scent

Paraded her around like a trophy

Climaxed to the picture of his unborn child (not really relevant to what he did to feyre but still disgusting)

You tell me which is worst?

#tamlin did abuse feyre #and i hate him for it because i love his character so much #his was controlling and abusive #but nothing unlike rhysie #but it doesn't cancel out his abuse #both of them are abusers #and the feyre stan writers need to write a fanfic where an oc takes her and her son away from a these toxic ppl asap #also note: if you were triggered by the study scene then that is also completely acceptable #i am not invalidating how you felt about it #just looking at it from a more critical perspective #anti sjm #anti acotar #anti feyre #anti feysand #anti acosf #anti acowar #tamlin #anti rhysand #anti acomaf #rhysie is a dick tamlim is a sweetheart #anon asks

[stxleslyds]

It’s very interesting to see your thoughts on Winnik cause personally while I like that he made jason a bit unhinged and fun in utrh his other characterizations of his were eh at best. Like why would jason not care about the world and why would he take over the drug trade of all things considering his history. I feel like Winnick had a very surface level understanding of Jason. There was a lot of his past to explore but it wasn’t explored that deeply. Plus I absolutely HATED his Bruce and talia characterization. And how he wrote Talia in both utrh and lost days was absolutely disgusting and his explanation for why he did it was that Jason loves Talia and that they were both messed up ppl??? Which is where I can’t forgive him. I feel like he was a one hit wonder because ever since utrh his Jason story started to go downhill. I also feel like it’s because DC doesn’t know how to write a character that’s from a poor background and that’s a huge disservice to Jason. I do hope that Rosenberg or another writer (hopefully female) does a good job on him. He’s been suffering under shitty writing for so long. Sorry for the long ask I really enjoy reading your posts.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending your ask!

Well, this is a great question because I love giving my opinions on Winick’s UtRH and Lost Days. I know those books (or some moments in them) are not everyone’s cup of tea and I had and have some problems with some of them but I have also come to understand them or even accept them as a writer bringing up a morally grey area in his books and doing it well (or at least I saw it that way after re-reading and researching a bit about his thoughts on those matters).

This is going to be a long post (I suppose) because there is a lot to cover and I want to let you know in a clear way why I think that what Winick wrote works beautifully for Jason. I will try to answer this as coherently as I can, so I will talk about the points you made in your ask separately so I make sure I don’t forget anything.

Let’s begin!

“Why would Jason not care about the world?”

I assume with that you meant about what happened in Bludhaven when Chemo was dropped there by the Society? That is valid but that really wasn’t Winick’s fault (I believe), that whole thing was shown in the book because back then the Bat-related books were more interconnected and that was what was happening in Dick’s Nightwing run at the time, which I think was used to explain why Dick suddenly stopped helping Bruce in Gotham.

And then I think Jason and Bruce watching that happen when they were having that conversation on that roof was very well planned out. I think Winick used that opportunity for Jason to be his peak level of little shit and make Bruce feel bad about not arriving in time to save another one of his kids. Even though Jason later revealed that he never blamed Batman for not arriving in time to save him, I believe Jason said that about Dick to make Bruce hurt more. Jason was trying to make Bruce stay in Gotham so either Bruce or him killed the Joker that night. Winick on the other hand had to finish his story, him branching out and having Batman go to Bludhaven would have benefited absolutely no one either, and it just didn’t fit the story that was being told in Under the Red Hood.

That’s why I think that Jason reacted that way to the Bludhaven and Chemo situation. If by caring about the world you meant something else let me know! (He obviously cared about Gotham in UtRH and other people in Lost Days).

“Why would he take over the drug trade of all things considering his history?”

Well, I have to be honest with you Jason wanting to control the drug trade in Gotham makes absolute sense to me, and even more when I think about Jason’s past history.

Jason and Bruce have always been (to me) clear opposites in various angles, and in UtRH, Winick talks about that a little bit too.

Batman was created to eradicate crime from Gotham after Bruce witnessed the death of his parents, that was the tragedy that set him off, and even though it was tragic and awful he had everything outside of his parents, he had a home, a support system, people that cared and gave him love, and money. He never had to be in contact with the cruel reality that was Gotham. We know through various stories that Gotham is deeply rotten and corrupted.

But Jason did know how corrupted, rotten and devoid of hope his city really was, he lived in the streets and in an abandoned apartment alone because he didn’t trust the police or social workers (he didn’t believe the system was helpful). He had seen his mother die at the hands of drugs after his father was sent to jail due to his criminal behaviour. Probably his father was a drug dealer and was the person that got his mother into drugs, (I believe that was later made canon, I might be wrong). But why did he do that? Maybe because he came from a poor and complicated background and nobody wanted to employ him so the real bad people of Gotham, like Black Mask, Cobblepot and many others, saw his vulnerability and his desperation to make money and they gave him a job as a drug dealer.

Considering that Jason was made out to have very deep problems with people selling drugs in schools and all that, I can estimate that maybe one of the big Drug Lords at the time employed Jason’s father when he was barely a teenager, that way he earned money, he stopped going to school and sold drugs to his peers so the bad people could control more people while they were vulnerable.

If all of that is true then Jason wanting to control the drug trade in Gotham, by becoming a Drug Lord himself, makes perfect sense to me. I mean let’s talk about this, what were his other options?

Kill every drug lord?

What if that set off a gang war in Gotham over who got to be the next big Drug Lord? I mean, it would be like real life, if someone dies in that sort of position there would always be someone else to take their place. Drugs are clearly (in Gotham) a great way to get money and power.

Also, if he killed all the drug lords then what happened to the people that were working for them, how could Jason help them get another job?

Explode every warehouse and facility with drugs in them?

And then what? Wait for Black Mask and the others to buy more and put a target on his back? Maybe kill some innocents so they can send a message to Red Hood that if he keeps destroying their drugs or whatever people will pay for it?

Maybe all the drug lords would come together and kill the Red Hood themselves, what could one man do against everyone else? Black Mask and the others had vulnerable people on a payroll, if they stopped working or went against what their boss said they would have been killed and then families would still be vulnerable and desperate to survive in Gotham.

Come forward as Jason Todd, the not so dead son of Bruce Wayne, and start a campaign against drugs?

Jason would have ended up dead in seconds, everywhere you look there are corrupt people. What could have been the point of that? What could have Jason be able to give families like his so they could stop living under the control of drugs and Drug Lords?

-

Jason being a Drug Lord himself was the best option because Jason KNOWS the reality of Gotham and Gotham’s people. His way of dealing with drugs could control the drug trade in the first 10 years and then eradicate it after that time. His plan was genius!

Jason knew that for people not to suffer as his family did, he had to take the slow and hard path of becoming the thing that he hated the most. He needed to attack the monster from within. So, when he made his first move he controlled the street-level dealers, he told them “I will protect you from both Black Mask and Batman if you stop dealing drugs to kids and in schoolyards if you do that, you are dead”, it is genius! By being clear about not wanting to have kids and high schoolers involved with drugs he set out a new path where those people weren’t forced into drugs and driven away from school. And that’s the way Winick made us see Jason’s not so new morals, he protects Gotham’s kids and he will kill you without hesitation if you endanger them.

From that he built, Winick made it clear, at first Jason would convince the people working for other Drug Lords to work for him if they followed his rules (and he offered them protection!). If Jason worked on the drug trade, he could have controlled who was inserted in the drug life or could have made it exclusive to the rich or club exclusive. In his intention of taking over the drug trade, he could have moved drugs away from Gotham’s most vulnerable.

And if he employed those vulnerable people, he would have made them work for him on other levels, that way those vulnerable people still had jobs and were protected from people like Black Mask. And in due time, fewer young and poor people would be involved with drugs or the drug trade.

Red Hood employs poor people and makes them not sell to other poor people or kids, he pays his employees good money so their families make a better life for themselves and their kids go to school, they are all protected by the Red Hood and his team (Jason could have trained others and make a team or gang that focused entirely on security), those people then get to retire with their families far away from drugs and maybe Gotham too.

I mean, Winick never did those things but I think that was the way he was thinking about it, he really set a golden path for future writers, his story had to finish Jason’s dilemma with Bruce and Joker but then his life as the Red Hood continued. And it could have been good if other writers used the characterization that Winick had given Jason: protector of children, killer of rapists and everyone that endangered women, children and teenagers. All of that was thrown away for a mythical fight with Ra’s al Ghul for people that were as trashy as Ra’s.

“I feel like Winick had a very surface-level understanding of Jason”.

I have to disagree. I think he understood Jason’s character before his death well and then built a grown-up version of him with those morals more developed after he suffered more and then saw how the world and Batman’s ways hadn’t changed after his murder.

We are talking about post-crisis Jason here; he was sweet and he loved being Robin but he also saw the world differently from Bruce and Batman. He lived a very different life than the one that Bruce lived when he was a kid. Jason even said that he “could fend for himself just fine” and that he had “graduated from the streets of crime alley”.

To me Winick understood this completely, he knew that Jason had had close contact with how drugs could affect people and what a criminal record could lead you to, but he also understood that Jason was a survivor of "crime alley" and all its worst people. He probably knew of things that people were doing of he saw them happening. He knew how to protect himself from those things but understood that not everyone could do it. And when Batman took him to Ma Gunn’s school Jason learned that Batman was ignorant of how awful and manipulative Gotham’s people could be. Ma Gunn wasn’t running an orphanage or cool school; she was teaching children how to steal and harm others. He hated it, he was “okay” when he was alone and now, he was locked in with older kids that beat him and Ma Gunn who was exploiting children’s vulnerability.

I assume Winick took that and maybe decided that was the moment when Jason knew that even if Batman was trying to do good, he still didn’t see Gotham (or that side of Gotham) for what it truly was.

When Jason became Robin and worked along with Batman, we could already see that Jason thought very differently about what should be done with rapists, and abusers of all kinds, Jason saw the world differently when he was a kid and a teenager and then after his death, Winick used that to build a Jason Todd that as a young adult still saw Gotham for what it truly was.

“There was a lot of his past to explore but it wasn’t explored that deeply”.

I am really confused by this (and I am very dumb), did you mean that his past before his death wasn’t explored? Because that was not the point of this book, the information was already there with Jason’s previous appearances in comics, and even then, Winick explored through flashbacks in UtRH how he saw Jason and what it was that Jason thought about crime.

If you didn’t mean that and you meant his past before the events of UtRH but after his death then, well, I would say that Winick couldn’t have fit that in UtRH but he did write a story about that time in 2010 when he wrote Red Hood: Lost Days.

“I absolutely hated his Bruce and Talia characterization”

I will only talk about the Bruce part here because you mentioned Talia later in your ask.

To me his Bruce was perfect. I really think that his characterization of him was spot on, but maybe I am biased because I don’t like Bruce at all? I suppose that you are talking about Bruce’s characterization in those last moments in "crime alley" with Jason and Joker? And how he decided that making Jason drop the weapon by throwing a batarang to his throat and saving Joker was a better option than Jason killing the Joker?

If it is that then I would love to see what you think Bruce would have done at that moment because I didn’t really see Bruce using a gun (in any way) as an in-character thing for him, and even though DC has always danced with the idea of Bruce actually killing somebody I know that they wouldn’t have him do it, and even less when it comes to killing the Joker.

I mean, Bruce brought back Joker from the dead when Dick finally killed that piece of shit so, yeah, I don’t know.

I feel like Winick was trying to show just how loyal and squared Bruce is when it comes to his own no killing rule. Jason wasn’t asking for Bruce to go on a killing spree he just wanted Bruce to kill the Joker and he didn’t. Winick even had Bruce say that about him not wanting to kill one person because he felt that if he did that, he wouldn’t be able to stop and I think that’s pretty true. Maybe it is a bit too much but I don’t think it’s a lie.

“How he wrote Talia in both UtRH and Lost Days was absolutely disgusting”

That is absolutely valid, listen, if you didn’t like how he wrote her at all I really can’t say anything against that. My first real and solid contact with Talia’s character was in that book, so when I read UtRH I really liked how he wrote Talia in that, it seemed to have that aspect of Talia’s love for Bruce being so strong that when she saw Jason was alive, she wanted to help him so Bruce could see how much he loved her. It is messed up but I believed it fitted her character, she had good intentions but her reasoning was a little bit wonky.

With Lost Days, I thought that her character was well written, she isn’t a hero and she isn’t a villain, she is just a player in the game that is the League of Assassins and that world. That obviously changed up until we had that scene happen between her and Jason, I was grossed out and I didn’t understand why that had happened which leads me to what you said next in your ask.

“His explanation for why he did it was that Jason loves Talia and that they were both messed up people”.

This is a part of the interview where Judd Winick answered a question about Jason and Talia sleeping together. The interview was done by Sara Lima in ComicVine’s podcast.

“SL: Why did you decide to write the romantic scene between Jason and Talia in Lost Days?

JW: For those playing at home, Jason Todd, at the end of Red Hood: Lost Days, and Talia slept together. I did that because it was really disturbing and to shine a light on the fact that these are not really well people. A lot of people didn’t like that, which was correct. “You weren’t supposed to like that. That was supposed to be, ‘oh God, stop that, what are you doing?’ It really was. As well as, for Talia, her reasons, being that Bruce had wound up inadvertently killing her father and she was ragingly angry with him and went from love to pure hate and still loving him at the same time. And Jason, given the opportunity to have sex with just about the only woman who Bruce has had sex with or really cares about, ‘Yeah, I’ll go there.’

SL: He’s like, ‘yeah, cause I hate that guy.’

JW: Yeah! ‘I hate that guy!’ And I think that Jason probably had the hots for Talia. She’s hot, he doesn’t exactly have a lot of relationships going on – It’s not a good thing for either of them. These are two people who murder people, two people who are screwed up, screwed up emotionally. There’s this question that why would he do that and Talia only loves Bruce. She might only love Bruce, but she does have sex with other people because that’s just sex. And we’re all grown-ups here. I think those who shake their fist and get angry at this kind of thing might be some of our older readers. I’m an older reader, but I acknowledge the fact that people aren’t that chaste and grow up: people have sex. That’s why I ended it like that; It was messed up.

Maybe it was in another interview or something but this is the only time that I have seen Winick talk about that and I don’t think he mentioned Jason loving Talia but he did say said that “These are two people who murder people, two people who are screwed up, screwed up emotionally”.

When I looked it up, I found that someone that is described as screwed up is a person that is “emotionally disturbed”. That description is one that I feel is valid for both Jason and Talia at the time, they both had a lot going on and were fighting some demons so maybe it’s not a nice thing to say but I can’t say that the statement isn’t true. Or at least that’s how I see it.

When I came across that interview for the first time, I wasn’t expecting Winick to apologise for writing that interaction but I did want an explanation so after he said, “A lot of people didn’t like that, which was correct. “You weren’t supposed to like that. That was supposed to be, ‘oh God, stop that, what are you doing?’ It really was” and “for Talia, her reasons, being that Bruce had wound up inadvertently killing her father and she was ragingly angry with him and went from love to pure hate and still loving him at the same time. And Jason, given the opportunity to have sex with just about the only woman who Bruce has had sex with or really cares about, ‘Yeah, I’ll go there.’”

I felt like that was enough, granted I didn’t like it and I still don’t like it but I don’t see it as Winick writing something disturbing with evil intentions, I just see it as him writing these two morally grey people doing some very morally grey stuff.

This is not me saying that this is how things have to be taken, I know and understand many people who absolutely don’t like this at all and that’s valid. I am not here to change your mind about that, personally when I read the why he wrote that I felt like that explanation was enough but that is just me.

“I feel like he was a one-hit-wonder because ever since UtRH his Jason story started to go downhill”

I think Winick was only meant to write Jason’s comeback to comics, around the time he was writing Outsiders and Green Arrow. And there was also the “Infinite Crisis” (Winick wasn’t involved with that one) event going on in the middle that explained some stuff like how Jason was resurrected which was explored in Batman Annual #25 in 2006 (like a year after the UtRH book had come out and it was also written by Winick). Then with the popularity of the UtRH book the animated movie was made (written by Judd Winick) and because that was coming out DC allowed Winick to write the six-issue mini of Red Hood: The Lost Days in 2010.

The UtRH story didn’t go downhill, DC simply couldn’t handle that level of mature storytelling at the time, just after that event ended DC was already planning on changing stuff and then the New 52 came years later.

Winick’s Jason even made an appearance in Outsiders #44-46, there Red Hood wanted to help the Outsiders break out a good man (Black Lightning) out of prison because he hadn’t killed anyone (it had actually been Slade). Jason/Red Hood’s characterization and story going downhill wasn't on Winick, it was on DC and their lack of interest in making their characters complex and dual.

“DC doesn’t know how to write a character that’s from a poor background and that’s a huge disservice to Jason”

Absolutely. But in my case, I do think that Winick did work with Jason’s background very well. To me, he set a path and no one could follow it but I might also be horribly wrong.

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I also hope that Rosenberg does an amazing job! I absolutely love his work, as I have said before he is super funny and isn’t scared of writing characters who kill. I feel like he will bring back the sarcastic little shit that Jason once was but he will also bring back that sense of seriousness and dedication that Jason has for the work that he is doing. Rosenberg even showed us some of that in that prelude to Task Force Z in Detective Comics, I absolutely recommend them if you haven’t read them, issues #1041 and #1042 were the ones with that backup story.

I can see that we have very different opinions but that’s just a part of the comic world, we all perceive these comics differently and that’s valid! I am glad you enjoy reading my posts and I hope that even though we have those different opinions you were still able to enjoy my answer! If you think that I misunderstood anything that you say please let me know, sometimes my brain just doesn’t click.

Hope you have a fantastic week!

#jason todd #red hood #robin jason todd #utrh #red hood lost days #jasons characterization #dc comcis #asksss