#i was there 5 minutes before the train was there and i missed it bc i walked to the doors and out on my mask

[bennitastisch]

sometimes taking the train feels like a cruel joke by the universe

#why did i miss the first possible train i could take cause i was putting on my mask #i was there 5 minutes before the train was there and i missed it bc i walked to the doors and out on my mask #the second train i could take was late and so fucking stuffed ive never been on a train that full #it was late on every stopp for a few more minutes cause it was so full ppl could hardly get on #and now im at my destination waiting for my bus and i saw that the third possible train had a waggon more than the one i took and free seats #i swear to god this often makes me belive bad stuff is my fault cause i was there #also my technique to calm down is to take deep breaths and taking deep breaths in a train thats full of ppl wothout their masks on is super #scary #but i survived it #and it was not my fault there were so many ppl on that train #and it was also not my doing that the train after it had free seats #i couldnt have known abt it #and if i took the chance and it would be late id be home an hour later than anticipated #right now its only thirty minutes #i survived it and it was not my fault #ben vents #ben talks #bennitastisch

[inthe-dark-tonight]

Falling Into My Sins

chapter three: balled up fists

dbf!joel x fem!reader series - loosely inspired by the song skin by soccer mommy

chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 4 chapter 5 chapter 6

summary: tommy and joel walk into your new job and you decide to confront joel about the events that took place at sunday night dinner. the only thing is, joel isn't alone.

word count: 2.5k

series rating: E (18+ mdni)

warnings: no outbreak AU, age gap (reader is in their 20s, Joel is in his 40s) no use of y/n, no physical description of reader, tommy and reader flirt a little, player!joel, joel being a gaslighter sorry, ANGST, theres one part where joel grabs readers wrist kinda roughly bc she’s… doing something so be aware of that, if i’m missing anything let me know!!

notes: okayyyyy here we go, i don’t want to spoil anything so… let me know what you guys think of this chapter :) thank you again to my love @shatteredbaby for proofreading for me again, i owe you my life mwah. can't forget my literal mother @pr0ximamidnight for letting me ramble for hours <3

It’s Friday morning now and Joel never got back to you. You didn’t send another text after your last one, afraid that you would seem desperate or annoying. You’ve been busy this week anyway so you try not to let it bother you.

One of the jobs you applied for finally called back, so you went in for an interview on Tuesday morning and they already have you working your first shift tonight. It’s a waitressing job, which isn’t exactly what you were hoping for, but you applied for anything and everything, just happy to be working again. It will also be good to get your mind off of everything that’s happened last weekend. 

You finish getting ready for work. Your shift starts in about an hour but you want to be early for your first day. As you leave your room, you grab your purse and your apron before running down the stairs. Your dad’s in the living room and you shout out to him. 

“I’m leaving! I’m not off until midnight so see you tomorrow!” 

“See ya bud, have fun!” He shouts back. 

You shut the door behind you and walk down your front steps to your car. As you walk to your car, you glance across the street towards Joel’s house. His truck isn’t in the driveway. You haven’t seen him at all this week, not even a quick glimpse as he was leaving for work or coming home. You saw Sarah come home from school a few times, but no Joel. 

You get into your car and turn the radio on, trying to shake the memory of the other night from your mind. You pull away, past Joel’s house and out of the neighborhood. The job you got is at a local diner near your house. Unfortunately though, it’s a 24hr diner which means you’ll probably be working nights most of the time but you’re just happy to be working again.

You pull up to the diner and step out of your car, grabbing your purse and tying your black apron around your waist. The one good thing about this job is that the dress code is simple, all black. You walk in and one of the other waitresses, Betty, greets you as you walk up to the counter. 

“Hi hon, welcome to work!” She smiles at you. 

She's an older woman, probably in her late fifties, and she’s very friendly. She was here the day of your interview and she chatted with you as you sat waiting for the manager to be ready for you. 

“Hi” you smile shyly at her.

“I’m gonna be training you tonight,” she starts. “There isn’t a lot to learn, I think you’ll get the hang of it easily so I’m just kinda here if you need any help.” 

You nod your head and follow her behind the counter. She takes about fifteen minutes to show you the ropes, how to use the register and things of that sort.

“Okay well,” she starts taking a deep breath. “I think you got this, I trust ya.” She winks at you. “It’s gonna be pretty slow for the next few hours, just watch the counter for now, I’ll handle any tables that come in.” 

You nod, acknowledging that you understand and then she walks into the back. You look around the diner noticing that there’s practically nobody in there. One booth in the back corner is occupied by an older man reading the paper and sipping on a black coffee, but that’s it. 

About an hour later you hear the bell on the door jingle as someone enters the diner. Your head whips towards the door and you see a familiar face, Tommy Miller. His face lights up as his eyes meet with yours and he walks towards the counter.

“Hey,” he glances around the empty diner, then his eyes land back on you. “Guess you heard back from some of the application’s you sent out huh?”

“Hi,” you laugh a little at his comment. “Yeah uh, I did. Today’s my first day actually.” 

He takes a seat at the counter and you hand him a menu. “Does that make me your first customer?” he raises his brow and smiles at you. 

“Yeah actually.”

“Hmmm, I’ll have to test ya then.” He opens the menu. 

You let out a small laugh “Can I get you anything? Coffee?” You watch as Tommy glances over the menu. 

He doesn’t look up at you. “Yeah actually, I’ll take a coffee while I wait.” 

Wait for what? You don’t ask. You walk to grab the coffee pot and a mug, setting it down to fill it in front of him. 

“Thanks darlin’,” he looks up at you and your cheeks heat up. 

“No problem, let me know when you’re ready.” You turn around to replace the coffee pot. 

Suddenly the doors open again, you hear the bell but you don’t turn around to look until you hear a woman laughing. You look up and your face immediately drops. 

It’s Joel Miller, and his arm is wrapped around some woman as they walk towards a booth. He doesn’t see you yet as he slides into a booth by the window, sitting on the side that faces you. Tommy turns his head glancing at him, then turns back to you. 

“Christ, when I told him to meet me after his date I didn’t think he’d bring the woman along.” Tommy rolls his eyes. 

Joel was on a date? You just hum in response, not sure what to say. You look back towards Joel, he’s smiling as he leans on the table. Once his eyes meet with yours his smile disappears. You immediately snap your eyes away from him and focus back on Tommy. 

“Ready?” You smile at him. 

He looks up at you giving you a cheeky grin “Yeah,” he rubs the back of his neck as he talks. “Gonna keep it simple I think, just a burger and fries.” 

You jot it down on your pad and then quickly rip the paper off. “You got it.” You wink at him, eyes meeting with Joel’s for a quick second before you turn around to place the order with the line cooks. 

When you turn around, Tommy’s cheeks are slightly flushed. Then you see Betty come out from the back and walk towards Joel’s table to take their order. You try not to stare as you try to catch a better glimpse at the woman he’s here with. She has long blonde wavy hair, and as she turns her head to say something to Betty you catch a glimpse of her side profile and blinding smile. You have to admit she’s quite gorgeous. Then Joel’s saying something to Betty before she walks back and gives her order to the line cooks. His eyes flicker to yours again, and then to the woman he’s sitting with. 

Your blood is boiling but you’re trying not to show it. How was he fucking you the other night and now he’s here with someone else? 

“So, what’ve you been up to this week?” Tommy says, snapping you out of your thoughts. 

“Oh nothing much,” You smile, a bit distracted.

He hesitates for a moment. “Got anything going on tomorrow?” He’s looking at you with his large brown eyes. 

You notice Joel is watching you like a hawk, dark eyes burning straight through you as you’re talking to Tommy. You peel your eyes away from Joel and look back to Tommy.

“Not sure, I don’t think so.” 

“If you’re free, maybe we could go to this bar downtown?” He stops for a second. “I mean, if not, that’s fine just-“ 

“I’ll let you know.” You smile at him before turning to grab his food and placing it in front of him. 

“Thanks.” he glances up at you quickly. 

You nod and then look back towards Joel. He gets out of the booth and the woman follows. As she stands up, he pulls her into an embrace before waving bye to her and sitting back down. As the woman walks out, you finally get a look at her. She’s gorgeous, luscious hair bouncing as he walks towards the door. She glances over at you and smiles before pushing on the door and leaving. You’re frozen there for a moment, before looking back towards Joel. You need to talk to him. 

“I’ll be right back.” Tommy looks up at you with wide eyes, nodding his head. 

You storm over to Joel, blood boiling. His eyes are locked on you the whole way over. When you get to his booth, you slide into the spot where the blonde woman was just sitting a moment ago and stare directly into his eyes. He shifts in his seat as your eyes stay glued to his. 

“We need to talk. Now.” The last part comes out low through gritted teeth and filled with anger as you try to keep it together. 

“What about, sweetheart?” He leans back, throwing his arm over the back of the booth. 

What about? He's got to be joking. You feel like you could snap any second, and you think he can tell by the look in your eyes. 

“Joel.” It comes out as a warning. 

“Okay, okay,” he glances around the diner. “Not in here.” He gets up from the booth and you follow him as he walks towards the door. 

Joel walks outside and you call out to Betty saying that you’re taking a quick break, she just waves you off. You walk out the door and look both ways before spotting Joel leaning against his truck. You walk towards him slowly, thinking about what you want to say. You stand in from of him, practically fuming at the way he’s acting so nonchalant, like he didn’t fuck you up against the side of your father’s home five nights ago and then ghost you. 

“So,” You say, finally breaking the silence. 

“So.” He says back. 

You’re silent for a moment, trying to collect your thoughts. “What exactly is going on, Joel,” your eyes meet his and your stomach flips. 

“Not sure what you’re talkin’ about.” He clears his throat and breaks eye contact with you, looking down at his boots. 

So he’s going to play dumb, you see how it is. “Seriously?” You shake your head still looking at him. 

He looks up at you apprehensively, like he’s afraid to meet your gaze. “Seriously, what are you on about.” His brows knit together as he looks at you.

You take a step closer to him. “You’re going to act like you didn’t fuck me behind my dad’s house less than a week ago?” Your voice starts to raise and he’s just staring back at you now.

“I-“ you cut him off. 

“No, let me finish.” You’re ready to let it all out. “You left abruptly Sunday night, practically ghosted me when we had plans Tuesday, and then showed up here… on a date?” He doesn’t say anything. “And then you have the nerve to ask me what we need to talk about.” 

He shoves one hand into his pocket and the other rubs at the scruff on his cheek. 

“Just tell me, were you lying when you said you didn’t want to forget about the night we met? That you wanted me,” You swallow thickly, afraid that you might not like his answer. “Was I just another girl to add to your list?” 

His jaw ticks as he stands there silently. “Yeah.” He’s still not looking at you. “It was just a fuck, that’s all.” 

You scoff. “You’re sick.” His eyes snap up to you. “Even after you found out that my dad is your best friend, who does that?” You shake your head, he has a smug look on his face that makes you just wanna- 

Your hand reaches up to slap him, but he catches your wrist before your hand even gets close to his cheek. He’s breathing heavily, anger burning behind his eyes.

“The hell are you doing?” He says it through gritted teeth. “Tryin’ to hit me?” 

You just stare at him. “You deserve it, don’t you think?” Your voice slightly breaks as the words come out. 

He grabs your other wrist and spins you around pressing you up against his truck. You try to wriggle away but he’s too strong. You’re speechless as you stand there in his grasp, a shocked look on your face. 

He’s breathing heavy as he towers over you, dark eyes staring at your parted lips now. His eyes meet yours, you have no idea what his next move will be. 

“Do I?” He’s close enough now that you can feel his breath fanning over your face. 

Your heart is racing. “Joel…” you breathe out.

Then he’s slamming his lips against yours, the kiss is needy and rough as he presses himself against you. You start to melt into him and then snap out of it, breaking the kiss. You push his solid chest as hard as you can, shoving him away from you. He slightly stumbles back releasing his grip on your wrists. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He looks like a deer in headlights right now, stunned by your reaction. 

His mouth falls open but nothing comes out. You turn away from him and start walking back towards the door, taking a deep breath trying to hold back tears, not from sadness but from anger. Who does he think he is? 

When you open the door to the diner, Tommy’s head whips towards you. “Hey, were you on break?” He asks as you walk back behind the counter. 

“Yeah,” Your voice cracks a bit as you answer him. “So, about tomorrow,” you clear your throat.

Tommy’s eyes light up. “Yeah?”

Joel walks through the door making his way to Tommy, you glance at him before your eyes meet his brother’s again. 

“I’d love to go with you.” He smiles at your words. 

“Great, I’ll get you around 8?” He says, his dark chocolate eyes gleaming as you nod positively.

Joel’s standing behind Tommy, now staring you down. You’re unsure about how much he’s heard, but honestly, you could care less at this moment. 

“C’mon Tommy, we gotta go.” Joel says as he lightly pulls at Tommy’s sleeve. 

Tommy pulls out his wallet, setting some cash on the table for his meal then stands up. “See ya.” he’s holding back a smile.

You bite your cheek. “Yeah, see ya.” 

Joel’s standing by the door waiting for Tommy as you give him a deadly glare before clearing the counter and you hear the door to the diner close. You’re not sure what you’ve gotten yourself into, but you feel sort of excited for tomorrow night.

thank you for reading! feel free to comment or leave asks, i love to talk about this fic so I will almost always answer/chat :)

tag list and some moots: @ilovepedro @isitmeulookin4 @joelsversion @nostalxgic @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @gracieheartspedro @jenispunk @beskarandblasters @javiscigarette @pedropascalfan221 @mellymbee @kaybee181520 @joeldjarin @akah565 @laurifern @chefchy4 @untamedheart81 @eliza-8 @fellinfromthetop @sofiparallel @znerac

#dbf!joel #player!joel #dbf!joel miller x reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fic #joel miller #fic: falling into my sins #joel miller smut

[russilton]

I don’t really understand what George is asking (dum I know) but he seems really switched on to strategy so seems like he’s made a good call.

Aaand on another note.. I have not missed certain LH fans coming for George for *checks notes* thinking about his race.

Alright sorry it took me a minute to get here, I wanted to give you a proper answer and I’m flagging from post race adrenaline droop.

So to explain what George was asking- in essence he was suggesting the team might want to consider the possibility of inverting the cars in order to stop Charles from catching him and getting within his five second window. The purpose of this was to prevent the TEAM losing points should George be demoted a position with Charles too close.

What George made clear was that he intended to stay within 5 seconds of Lewis, so that no matter what, Lewis would then inherit the position when George’s penalty was applied. Why would he suggest this? The bonk with Perez likely caused George some damage. None of them knew in what way, but with f1 hits like that almost inevitably cause some damage, and in the slick conditions that could be enough for an undamaged Leclerc to catch them and take the place from George, and thus lose the team a couple constructors points.

This was honestly a very smart idea from George, and if it became clear Lewis wouldn’t catch Ocon AND Charles was gaining, it would have been a good idea to employ.

You end up preserving the points for the team without taking away any points from Lewis. It wouldn’t really gain George much other than a helping hand staying away from Charles, which yes he isn’t entitled to, but for the sake of the constructors and team, it would benefit them.

It ended up not really being practical to implement- Lewis was managing to challenge Esteban and couldn’t be distracted, and despite the lack of damage Charles kept slipping away from George, making the swap a moot point. It’s also worth remembering George has no idea the state of Lewis’ car or tires, for all he knows Lew has damage, or none at all.

He poses it as a suggestion bc that’s what it is- a suggestion for the team to consider. This is why I called the idea clever-

While in the end there’s no reason for them to implement it, it’s seriously impressive to see George thinking on his toes as to how he can protect the team position. We saw a similar thing with Alonso’s penalty in Jeddah. And ultimately I think it’s worth considering that If George felt comfortable enough voicing the suggestion, then it’s probably a kind of driving style the team has discussed and agreed on- working together for the greater haul of points rather than keeping utterly divorced from one another for the sake of “their own race.

It’s a direct opposite to how Alpine handled a penalty the year before in Monaco, where Alonso’s choice to back Lewis up ended up backing up his teammate into a train and costing him multiple positions to a 5 second penalty.

At no point does George demand they implement it, it’s something for them to discuss, and when the team lets him know they don’t think it will help, He doesn’t push it. This is a kind of behaviour I’d like to see from George AND Lewis, it’s the definition of teamwork and thinking outside the box.

As for how fans are taking it-‘I’ve said it time and time again, George could offer to suck Lewis’ dick on live tv and twitter would find a way to be angry about it. Some people jump to ridiculous conclusions very fast, but a couple of the dumbest ones I’ve seen are:

“This is George’s way of trying to cheat and gain a position”

It’s not, that he made clear, and if he had, it would be an idiotic move. The team would never trust his calls again and he would destroy any chance of being helped in future. Only an idiot would try to play that game. It comes back to radio behaviour- they don’t say perfectly worded things. George is chatty, he makes lots of suggestions and trusts his team to decide for him. Even I’ve occasionally gone “George mate that’s not practical, if you want that place, go and take it” but most of the time he’s just thinking out loud. That’s not a crime. Secondly:

“Thank god Bono stopped that idea cold”

I love Bono but Bono did nothing. Bono is an expensive jacked microphone that can also perform calming techniques. It’s not his job, He makes no solo strat calls, nor does he get to choose what he tells Lewis. The ONLY persons in the team with the ability to to reject stratergy calls are the strat team itself, Toto, and the Drivers (no one can make them do anything.)

I was listening to Lewis’ radio the entire race- it’s never even mentioned to him, meaning it’s never told to Bono. At best the idea would have passed from Marcus to strategy, and then either strategy or Toto ruled it out. Simple as that. And that’s fine, I really think it’s good for George and Lewis to pitch ideas for consideration without the expectation of implementing, and those kinds of unorthodox moves will take them above rival teams in future.

Look at Ferrari, they kept impeding each other all weekend and dragging themselves down. Merc want the opposite.

This is so not news it’s not even funny, it’s nothing; something truly mundane we should step straight by, but thanks to the true boredom that is Monaco and an already over hyped fanbase that needs to be given a sharp reminder by Lewis that he likes George, it’s been blown up beyond what’s necessary.

The boys did great today, that was the best result they could have secured. They both drove sensibly under pressure with very new very finicky cars, George did great to get a handle on his drive finally and Lewis did incredible well considering he said last night that he got his set up wrong. A win all things considered

#asks #anonymous #mark talks britcedes #marks driver meta #wank/rants #george russell #lewis hamilton

[chelseachilly]

king of my heart - pt 5

i’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, babe or if you strike out and you’re crawling home

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: now officially dating, you can’t help but miss your boyfriend while he’s away on international duty warnings: none for this chapter :) word count: 3.1k

a/n: thank you all for your lovely responses to this fic! just as a bit of an fyi, i’m not exactly following the game schedule for the euro qualifiers bc i just cba honestly haha <3

see my masterlist for previous chapters

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charlottewright I spy a certain someone 😉❄️

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-

Dating Ben Chilwell turns out to be even better than you imagined.

You’re happier than you’ve ever been when you’re with him, whether it’s a Monday evening cuddling on his sofa watching Succession or a Saturday at Stamford Bridge watching him dominate on the pitch.

The only drawback is that it’s difficult for you to squeeze in this time together between his intense training schedule and you entering a busy time of year at work.

You despise it when he has an away game and you’re forced to spend the night apart, as you’ve grown accustomed to sleeping next to him. Even when he’s exhausted from training or you have to work late, you usually end up making your way to the other’s place and crashing there.

So when the season ends and Ben has to leave for international break, you can’t help but dread the separation.

You’re incredibly happy for him, knowing how much it means to be called up for the national team once again, but you hate the fact that he’s going to be gone for weeks.

“I wish you could come with me,” Ben whines as you lay in bed together.

He has to leave soon to go to the England training camp, where he’ll be for the next week before flying to Italy and then Malta for the qualifiers. In total, it will only be two weeks, but as you’ve hardly gone 24 hours apart since you began officially dating a month ago, it’s going to feel like a century.

“I know, babe,” you murmur into his bare chest, his arms holding you closely. “I’m really sorry I can’t make it to either match. Work has been so crazy and it will be tough to leave mid-week.”

“Don’t apologize, love, your job is just important as mine.”

“I think most of the country would disagree with you there,” you chuckle, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

He smiles, though it seems a bit forced, and you can feel the tension in his body.

“Are you nervous?” you ask gently, resting your chin on his chest to look up at him.

“A bit,” he admits. “I don’t know if I’ll even be starting, but I really want to be at my best for this. The Euros could be my chance to really make an impact for this team, you know?”

He’s confided in you that missing the World Cup last year due to injury took a big toll on his mental health, and that it still stings a bit to this day. Obviously, the Euros are his next big opportunity to show what he’s capable of, and you know he will.

“You’re going to do great, Ben,” you say sincerely. “I can’t wait to watch you play, even if it has to be on TV. And Southgate would be a fool not to start you, by the way.”

Ben smiles and leans in to kiss you softly, his lips lingering on yours.

“Thank you, baby,” he says, pulling you closer and briefly glancing at the watch on his wrist. “Fuck, I have to leave soon.”

“I know, and I have to go to work,” you groan, kissing his collarbone. “Five more minutes?”

Ben nods and kisses your forehead. “Five more minutes.”

-

Ben ❤️ - 11:32 PM I miss you so much 😔

You - 11:33PM I miss you too 🥺 How’s training going?

Ben ❤️ - 11:33PM It’s good to be here but I’m exhausted and the gaffer wants us up at 6 tomorrow 

You - 11:34PM You should get some rest then babe, we can talk tomorrow

Ben ❤️ - 11:34PM Can we facetime for 10 mins and then I’ll sleep?? Promise

You - 11:34PM Ok, calling now ❤️

-

The day of England’s match against Italy rolls around, and you feel a pang in your stomach from the moment you wake up.

You so badly wish you could be there to support your boyfriend, but you have to work tomorrow and you really can’t justify flying to Naples and back for one evening.

You text Ben throughout the morning, sending him words of encouragement.

You - 11:21AM Good luck today babe!! 

Ben ❤️ - 11:24AM Thanks baby ❤️ I’m on the starting lineup!

You - 11:30AM Omg!! Can’t wait to watch 😘

Around lunch time, as you’re sitting at your desk reading emails and feeling just a bit sorry for yourself, you get a call from Charlotte.

“Y/N!” she exclaims. “I just got a call from Declan’s girlfriend Lauren and she said a few of them chartered a jet to fly to Naples to surprise the boys. There’s room for both of us if we want to go. Please tell me you can leave work!”

You’ve met Declan and his girlfriend a few times now, at various gatherings at Mason’s place. She’s a super nice person and it’s incredibly thoughtful that she would invite you and Charlotte, both of you very new to the Premier League WAG crowd.

Charlotte and Mason, while keeping things fairly casual, have pretty much been exclusive for nearly as long as you and Ben, though they see each other much less due to Charlotte being away for work so often.

“I’m not sure,” you sigh. “I would have to ask my boss for the rest of today and tomorrow off, and I don’t want to seem flighty. No pun intended.”

“Babes, you never leave work early,” Charlotte says. “And how often do you get to take a private jet to surprise your boyfriend in Italy?”

She does have a point there. This would be an amazing opportunity, and more importantly, it would allow you to support Ben and see him a week earlier than planned. That’s hard to resist.

“Okay, I’ll ask. When do we have to be at the airport?”

“An hour and a half, but I’m already packing for you!”

You smile and roll your eyes affectionately as you hang up and go to your boss’ office. You’re nervous to ask, but she immediately tells you that you’re one of her best employees and that you’ve been working your ass off since you started, so you deserve this.

You thank her profusely before packing up your stuff and rushing to meet Charlotte at the airport.

“Hey, Charlotte, Y/N!” Lauren says, greeting you both with a smile as you and Charlotte meet up with the others on the tarmac. “I’m so happy you could make it!”

“Thanks so much for inviting us!” you say, fiddling with the strap of your purse.

You suddenly feel a bit nervous - these women, a couple of whom you’ve never met before, are all so beautiful and glamorous. You, however, just came from work and are wearing minimal makeup, your hair in loose waves and a simple light blue dress on.

“It’s great to meet you,” one of the girls says. “I never thought we’d see Ben settle down, but according to Jack he’s totally whipped.”

You can’t help but blush at this comment - and the fact that Ben is so obviously into you that even his friends’ girlfriends know about it.

“You must be Sasha,” you deduce, realizing she’s Jack Grealish’s girlfriend. Jack being one of Ben’s oldest mates, you’ve met him a couple times, and you recall him mentioning her. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

Sasha smiles at you before turning to Lauren. “We’d better go if we want to make it for kick-off.”

The flight ends up being a lot of fun. The girls pop a bottle of champagne and you all get to know each other better, Lauren telling you and Charlotte stories about Mason and Declan as kids and you and Charlotte answering questions about your jobs.

“I think Dec mentioned you’ve always been a big Chelsea fan?” Lauren asks after showing you some photos of their adorable baby boy. “It must’ve been a bit surreal when one of the lads started chatting you up.”

You laugh and take a sip of your drink. “Yeah, at first it was definitely a bit mental. But it felt so natural with Ben from the start, honestly. It was like I’d known him forever.”

All the girls erupt in a chorus of “awww”s, except Charlotte, who gives you a knowing smile.

As Lauren, Sasha, and the others discuss how they’re going to surprise the boys after the match, you lean over and whisper to Charlotte.

“You know, I never pictured us as football WAGs, but this is really fun,” you admit.

“Speak for yourself, Victoria Beckham was my role model growing up,” Charlotte jokes. “By the way, everything they’re saying is true. Chilly is obsessed with you.”

“I don’t know,” you blush. “Do you think it’s too much surprising him like this? We’ve only been official for a month.”

“You’re way more committed than me and Mason, and I’m doing it too,” Charlotte shrugs. “Don’t overthink it, Y/N. He’s gonna flip when he sees you, I promise.”

You decide to take her advice and try to relax and enjoy yourself, sipping champagne and continuing to chat with the other girls.

By the time you land, it’s getting close to game time, so you all decide you’ll surprise the guys after the match is over. Lauren leads the way to the box you’re in and you’re all seated with drinks and snacks just in time for the boys to make their way onto the pitch.

Your heart races when you see Ben in person for the first time in a week, albeit from very far away. He looks so good in his England kit, standing among some of the best players in the world and ready to represent his country. You couldn’t be prouder.

While your spirits are high at the beginning of the match, things quickly begin to go downhill as play progresses.

Italy scores twice in the first half, one of which due to what you’ll admit was a poor defense from Ben. At halftime, it’s still 2-0, and you can see the disheartened looks on the team’s faces when they walk out to play the second half.

You wince as Mason gets tackled and falls over in pain, and you squeeze Charlotte’s hand when you see the obvious worry on her face. Thankfully, he’s able to get up and continue playing, but the ref fails to give out a yellow card to the Italian player.

You can see the frustration on Ben’s face at this clear oversight, and the match goes on with England continuing to struggle.

With about twenty minutes to go, both teams decide to make some substitutions, and your heart clenches when you see Ben’s number flash on the screen. He looks completely defeated as he jogs off the pitch.

Harry Kane manages to score a goal with an assist from Declan in the last few minutes, but it’s clear that it won’t be enough as the clock runs out and Italy take the win.

It’s a unanimous decision among the girls to go back to the hotel and wait for the boys there rather than try to find them in the tunnels. You obviously have much less experience with this than they do, but even you know that it’s probably best to give them some time to cool off.

Despite the fact that you know it’s for the best, all you want to do is find Ben and hug him tightly, knowing he’ll be in need of some comfort. You restrain yourself from texting him, not wanting to blow the surprise for everyone else.

You wait outside the hotel for the team bus to pull up, knowing it will take a little bit for them to shower, do any post-match press and drive over.

Eventually, the bus pulls up, and the team begins to exit. Although they’re all obviously upset with the result, you see some of them perk up as they spot their partners there to greet them.

Mason is among the first, and he runs over to kiss Charlotte with a smile on his face.

As the others reunite, you can’t help but feel a little nervous again - you know Ben will be feeling shitty and he may even want to be alone. And here you are in Italy, with no escape until your flight tomorrow.

You don’t have to worry for long, thankfully. As soon as Ben steps off the bus and locks eyes with you, his clenched jaw and furrowed brow disappear and he jogs over to you immediately.

Without a thought, you leap into his arms, and Ben hugs you tighter than he ever has before, burying his face in your shoulder and inhaling your scent.

“What are you doing here?” he mumbles into your shoulder. “I mean, how did you-“

“Lauren decided to charter a plane so we could catch the match, and I guess Char and I are inner circle WAGs now,” you murmur, and it has the desired effect of making him laugh softly. “How are you feeling, babe?”

You pull back to look him in the eyes, cupping his face with both hands. His arms remain coiled around your waist, refusing to let go, and he drops his forehead to yours.

“I played like shit,” he mumbles. “I’m sorry you flew out to see that.”

“You weren’t shit,” you tell him gently. “You had a bad day, and so did the rest of the team. It happens. Nobody is perfect all the time.”

“At this level, I should be perfect,” he says. “I should’ve been better. He subbed me off for a reason.”

You lean in and press a soft kiss to his lips, unable to take the look of complete self-loathing on his face for a moment longer.

“Ben, honey, it’s alright,” you say softly. “You won the last match, you’ll win the next one. You’ll get another chance.”

Ben sighs and pulls you back into his embrace, squeezing you just as tightly as before. You begin to hear the flashing of cameras, and you turn to see that a small crowd of paparazzi have gathered. You can only imagine how much these shots of half the England team snogging their girlfriends would be worth.

Although you and Ben have teased your relationship a bit on social media, and you’ve gone out in public a few times, you have yet to announce anything official.

You know that remaining out here will ensure that your face is in the tabloids tomorrow, but you can’t bring yourself to care right now.

“Sorry, babe, do you wanna go inside?” Ben asks, dropping his hands from your sides reluctantly.

You shake your head and pull him back into your arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“No, screw them,” you murmur. “I wanna hug my boyfriend.”

Ben just holds you closer and rocks you back and forth slightly in his arms, and you hear him mumble a quiet “thank you” into your hair.

-

Sure enough, within a few hours the photos are all over Twitter, but by that point you’re naked in the luxurious hotel bed, limbs tangled with Ben’s.

All of the players and their partners retreated to their respective rooms not long after meeting up outside. It was clear that everyone was in need of some rest and recuperation prior to their next match in Malta in a few days.

You and Ben spent a little bit just laying in bed, silently holding each other and exchanging soft kisses. Eventually, he began to speak, and you talked through the loss today and how he felt about being subbed off.

Not for the first time, you consider yourself lucky that of all the footballers you could’ve fallen for, you chose one who regularly goes to therapy and is surprisingly well-adjusted for a male professional athlete in his 20s.

After talking for a while, you had slow, emotional sex, both of you craving each other after your week apart.

Now, you’re just enjoying each other’s company and laughing as you scroll through the headlines on social media.

“This is a good one,” Ben chuckles, the stress on his face from earlier now completely vanishing. “‘Beautiful mystery woman consoles distraught England and Chelsea left-back Ben Chilwell after devastating loss to Italy.’”

“God, they’re dramatic,” you roll your eyes.

“Not wrong, though,” Ben smiles, kissing your forehead. “Thank you so much for being here. Losing sucks, but it’s not nearly as bad with you.”

“Of course, I’m glad I came.”

You both set down your phones and lean in for a kiss, Ben pulling all of your body weight on top of him.

“You sure you’re okay with us going public?” he asks, running a hand through your hair as the other one holds your waist. “People can be pricks online.”

Despite you remaining unnamed in the articles, some fans have already figured out your identity. Ben follows you and likes everything you post, so it really wasn’t that hard to determine. Since the photos dropped, you’ve been steadily gaining Instagram followers, and you know things are going to change for you a bit.

“I can handle it,” you tell him, kissing him lightly. “I’m so happy with you, I don’t wanna hide that.”

“Alright, but please tell me if it gets to be too much. I know you can handle it, but I don’t want you to have to. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agree, brushing your nose against his, your eyes fluttering shut. “Now, can we order room service? I’m starving and I don’t wanna leave this bed.”

Ben smiles and nods, reaching over to grab the phone. “Yeah, get whatever you want, love.”

You spend the rest of the night cuddling in bed, you eating copious amounts of pasta while Ben sticks to salad, and fall asleep watching a movie together.

You’re both still disappointed from the match and dreading you having to fly back to London tomorrow, but it’s a perfect night nonetheless.

Really, any night you’re together feels perfect to you, as cheesy as that is, and it’s becoming pretty clear to you why.

You’re in love with him, and it might be too soon to say, but you think he just might be in love with you too.

-

benchilwell

📍Ta Qali National Stadium, Malta

liked by yourusername, masonmount and others benchilwell That’s more like it ❤️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Big win today! @england

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yourusername 🦁❤️

chelsfan21 omg chilly’s gf confirmed???

-

next chapter 💙

#ben chilwell #ben chilwell x reader #ben chilwell imagine #chelsea fc imagine #ben chilwell x y/n #komh

[devilscastle69]

hot//wings - got to begin again

Hawks is “pretty sick” and injured and his ex-bf Touya is the only one who checks up on him.

crossposted here for tags!

i stole the title from b1lly j03l and stole the characters from u know who bc he didnt make them kiss and make up.

au - civilian!touya x hawks but theyre already broken up

The ghost of Touya’s warmth lingers in Keigo’s mind but can’t leave the confines of his memory to give reprieve from the cold and dull pain in his extremities. He shivers. The cool pack on his forehead brings some relief to his forehead but also some of its own unique forms of discomfort. Everything aches, and not just the broken ankle that he’s forced to elevate. He’s supposed to be Wing Hero Hawks, Japan’s Number Two Hero, and here he is lying around with only a few baby feathers left.

He coughs painfully, directing the barrage into his fist. Not like anyone’s coming by anyway. It’s probably for the best. Touya would be pissed at him for letting it get this far. He’d tell him he told him so and scold him for going to work with a fever for not just one, but two days, and then he would— 

Keigo’s eyes prick with the threat of tears and he snaps out of his thoughts and gets a hold of himself. He exhales slowly through cracked lips and doesn’t blink until his eyes dry. Nothing is made to last, and his own fault for getting attached in the first place. There are no constants that can keep up with his high speeds and that’s proven time and time again. The news continues buzzing in the background and he waits for a story to air about the area he was supposed to still be patrolling.

The glare his handler had given him as the Commission doctor ordered him to be on bedrest continues to replay in his mind. He’s supposed to be better than this. Stronger than this. More capable of taking decent care of himself than this.

Though it’s been a month since they’ve broken up, Touya’s contact is the third most recent text chain. It’s pathetic. He clicks the chain and stares at the contact photo. It’d most recently been changed to a picture Fuyumi had taken of Touya and him while they were apple picking. A sharp pain stabs at his chest and before he can stop himself, he’s crying. It’s so beyond pathetic. Tears spill down Keigo’s cheeks and roll down to his neck; within minutes his collar is soaked and he’s choking on sobs that make his insides more sore than the cumulation of all of the coughing he’s done. He pulls the filthy fleece of his hero costume up to his cheek to attempt to clean up some of his face. It stings.

Keigo:

>>ll be over in 5 to trade stuff

Touya:

<<K

Keigo:

>>just got back

>>have a good night

Touya liked your message.

Touya has stopped sharing location.

Would he even answer if he was so desperate as to call him given the way they’d left things? Even calling just to hear his voicemail crosses his mind, but he just as quickly dismisses it. Maybe he’s blocked now. It’s better if he doesn’t know: logically, he knows this, but he can’t help but linger on the thought. He should delete that picture. He should delete a lot of their pictures, and yet, he hasn’t had the heart to even change his phone screen. The TV is hurting his head and it’s hard to concentrate on it, and yet this train of thought is hurting his head too and it’s all he can concentrate on right now. He squeezes his eyes shut, sighing as another tear makes its way down his cheek and into the crevices of his neck.

It’s not even three in the afternoon when he falls asleep thinking about giving Touya a call.

A loud ding rouses Keigo from his feverish sleep. The glare from his phone stings and makes his head hurt, and for a moment he’s worried there’s an emergency.

Touya 

<<saw the news

It dings again. Keigo squints at his phone. 

Touya 

<<ru ok?

How long had he slept? Thirty minutes and yet his mouth feels like sand. He coughs and sniffles, wincing from the efforts. He unlocks it to see Touya’s messages in their entirety. The news? Fuck, what did he miss? He moves too abruptly and his ankle smarts leaving him hissing in pain. The TV blurs and he closes his eyes and leans back into the pillow to stop the dizzy feeling from progressing.

He’s focusing on the wrong thing. Touya texted him. Touya texted him. Touya texted him. Touya texted— oh fuck, Hawks’ head hurts. The congestion seems to have gotten even worse overnight and he can’t even breathe from his nose now. A sharp attempt at a sniffle makes his nose burn with a dull itch.

Touya is typing…

Nothing.

Touya is typing…

Keigo’s heart rate spikes and he tries to think of a response. He’d been a fucking moron and left read receipts on. It’d never been an issue because he generally replies fast, and he’d waited too long from hissing in pain. Now they’re typing together. 

Touya:

<<looked like a bad fall.

Keigo:

>>im okay thanks 🥲

Keigo swallows hard and sniffles as the tears fall again. He’s an idiot. Touya isn’t the type to reach out just to be polite. He’d been genuinely asking, and is probably the only one who’s ever actually asked Keigo such a question, nevermind care to hear the answer. 

Touya is typing…

Nothing.

Touya is typing…

Nothing.

Touya liked your message.

Keigo sneezes three times, and the last of the trio sets off a cough that threatens to tear his chest apart. He glances at Touya’s name and the picture he still hasn’t removed and feels a new level of pain in his chest. He’s pushed Touya away again, and he fucking knows it. What does he have to lose? Definitely not his dignity, he thinks, looking down at his tattered costume, the used tissue mountain range all over the floor accompanied by the cold dish towel head cuddled with that’d fallen next to the cool pack at some point. 

Keigo:

>>jk im p sick

>>my ankles broken

I miss you, he doesn’t say. Please come over, he doesn’t add. He silences his phone and stares at the news. There he is. How many times had his failure to do a decent job been played on national television? He grabs a tissue from the box, fingers dipping much deeper into the box than they had this morning before they find a tissue.

“h’kSXChh’yuh!” He manages to get the tissue up belatedly to wipe and blow his nose. The tissue chafes against the raw skin of his nostrils. He’s pretty sure these are lotion infused, too. Oh, no, they’re not. Touya usually bought those. He must’ve run out at some point. The leaking tears turn into a flood as he wishes he could smell the the tissues, as if it were just another one of Touya’s scents, another one of the ghosts he’d left behind when they’d died here in his room, the door slamming shut, the tissues he’d left behind, being used just ten minutes after he’d left. 

Damn fever. 

His cool pack is on the floor, but he’s sure it can’t be much below room temperature at this point, so it’s not worth picking up. He shuts his eyes and lets the fever bring him to slide back and forth across the spectrum of awake and asleep. 

***

If Keigo of all people says he’s pretty sick, then he's at least very sick. Touya frowns at the last messages from him. This is the same man who came home with broken ribs and got confused when Touya didn’t want to fuck him stupid. Or stupider, really. 

It’s not like it’s his problem. They’ve been done for at least a month now. Not that he’s counting. 

“Stupid fucking bird,” Touya curses him half-heartedly under his breath as he puts various soup cans into the basket to join the other supplies he’d accumulated. He’s appointment-free for the night, but even if he weren’t, he doesn’t think he’d be able to keep them; getting a tattoo or piercing from someone while they’re this agitated is ill-advised. 

It’s foolish, creepy, and a major faux pas to drop by without explicit permission—at an ex’s place no less—but Touya’s reputation precedes him anyway and Keigo is not answering his messages anymore. Keigo had once canceled on a date saying he’d been “a little roughed up,” and he’d found out the next day the man had been hospitalized with injuries that led to an infection, so sue him for overreacting. 

He’d given up the spare key (threw it back at Keigo’s face as he left) so he has to ring the bell. He’s expecting a feather to answer the door, but instead he’s left staring through the wrong end of the peephole. He rings it again. There’s a distinct sinking feeling in his stomach. Keigo never takes this long to answer the door. Maybe he’s not even home. No, he’d checked his location beforehand. He has to be here. 

Touya startles at the sudden click from the other side of the door. When the door opens, Touya’s grip on the bag slackens and he nearly drops as he instinctively grabs the man in front of him to steady him as he wobbles with only one crutch as support. It’s all a blur as he wraps an arm over Keigo’s noticeably bare back. Bare and hot with fever. 

“Touya?” he croaks, voice cracking on the final syllable, and Touya’s heart reacting in kind. 

“Shit,” Touya swears under his breath, bracing Keigo against him. He shifts to better support his ankle and sets the bag down. He can get that later. The crutch slips out of Keigo’s grip and clatters to the ground and he falls into Touya.  “Hey, hey. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Whadt—” Thankfully, Keigo breaks into a coughing fit, sparing them both from an embarrassing interview neither of them want to have.

“You’re sick.”

“‘Mb sorry.” Keigo’s breathing sounds labored and wheezy, like even standing with Touya supporting the bulk of his weight is sapping him of energy. “If you were here for combpa’ddy, uh…I don’t…”

Touya feels a familiar nauseating pit growing in his stomach. He’s so pale. “I gotcha, Kei.” The name slips out before he can think better of it, but it’s too late to take it back. Keigo shakes against him with a silent sob and Touya carefully scoops him into his arms, heart aching with each movement; he’s only seen Keigo cry one other time, and it’d been during a night terror that left his face blotchy with red. They fall into the familiar position and the nostalgia is so sweet it makes his throat burn. There are more pressing matters than the inner turmoil so unexpectedly coming to a head. “You’re burning up, baby bird.” He’s supposed to be the one who gets terrible fevers. He’s supposed to be the one with a weak constitution, and yet, somehow The Number Two Hero of Japan has regularly been worse off than him. 

Keigo nods. He’s gone silent just like he had when Touya left. They’d fight from time to time, usually verbally sparring until things would get so heated they’d blow off steam by fucking; this last time, though, Keigo had let him leave. This time, Keigo had been honest with him. He’d finally trusted Touya enough to confide in him, and of course it’d come after they’d broken up. 

The man is still in his hero costume. His jacket is filthy  from the fight earlier and has a few tears in the sleeve. He’d probably be nursing more wounds were it not for the thickness of the material. Bed first, maybe bath next. 

“What the fuck were you doing out there like this?” he murmurs, though his tone is soft and sad rather than accusatory. God he wants to yell at him, finally spit out all of the angry conversations he’s rehearsed in his head and in front of the mirror, scold him for putting himself in this situation, rant about the hero system, but what he needs is to hold him close. If Keigo dies, how will he tell him how angry he is, how will he tell him how carefully and carelessly he lives in all the wrong ways, how will he tell him how thinking of him is more fatiguing than burning himself out? And most of all, how will he tell him he loves him anyway? 

“Mby job.”

Touya.  tightens his grip. “I was worried about you.”

“Sorry.”

Touya only releases his grip when it’s to help Keigo sit on his bed. “Don’t be, dumbass. Not unless you’re gonna do something about it.”

“You…cambe over.”

“I did.”

“You’re gonnda get sick, y’kndow.” Keigo suddenly looks far too small for his costume between the lack of wings and the oversized bed built to accommodate them. He’s still shaking, though it’s more subtle now. His eyes are red rimmed and puffy, and his whole face is a splotchy mess of pallor and various shades of pink.  He wonders how long Keigo’s been sick, how long he’s been crying. 

“I’m not worried about that right now. C’mon, how about a bird bath, huh?”

The bird jab earns a slight glare from Keigo. “Asshole.” 

“Mm, I think you’re too feverish for that,” Touya says, making a show of feeling his forehead. This he can work with, the steady back and forth verbal sparring is comfortable and safe. He smirks when his hand is swatted away, though the amusement is tainted with concern from just how hot to the touch he is. 

“Nice.”

“You think?”

Keigo gives a half hearted laugh, notably muted from congestion.

Touya hums in agreement and fights the urge to cringe as Keigo starts coughing. It sounds painful, like his lungs are banging around in his ribcage. “Let’s take your temperature,” he suggests, gently placing a hand on his shoulder before rising from the bed. He’s sure Keigo hasn’t done that yet, and he mentally confirms it for himself when he finds the thermometer in the bathroom cabinet. The complicated feelings of being back in this apartment will have to wait until after Keigo is feeling better. 

Keigo is quiet and compliant—a terrifying combination for him, really—as they listen to the thermometer beep. He’d since wiped his tears and stopped crying, but the sad gleam in his eyes remains.  

“Just over 39º,” Touya murmurs, stopping himself from running a hand through Keigo’s hair. He’s not sure that’d be welcome. Keigo shrugs. 

“Seriously though. How ‘bout a bath? You’ll feel better after.”

Keigo stares into space for a moment and then nods. Touya helps his jacket off and tries to ignore the guilt at the way he immediately shivers. “Wait…I gotta um,” Hawks says, holding up his hand. His eyes squint and he twists into the crook of his arm to cover his mouth and nose. “ih’hgksh-! KhhxXt! Hhh…ugh, shidt.”

“Bless.”

Keigo squints and scrunches up his nose again and the chapped pink nostrils and philtrum give away how sensitive it’s gotten over the course of however many days he’s been sick. Touya feels a flush of his own creeping up to his cheeks, and decides that for both of their sakes, focusing on the pattern on Keigo’s comforter is the best bet.

“Hehh-!” Keigo sniffles hard, eyes watering. “God, this is- hh…h-hehH…!”

It’d be weird for Touya to say nothing. “Stuck?”

Keigo nods, shooting him an apologetic look through the haze of teetering on the brink of no return. Touya still can’t look directly at him without becoming very aware of his dick, but hearing the way Keigo’s breaths snag as his inhales become more vocal is enough to have the same effect.

“Do you…need help?” he asks after a few stressful minutes of listening to the uneven cadence of his breathing. And he means actual  minutes. He was in fact counting all one-hundred-and-twenty-two seconds of this agony. 

The flush across Keigo’s cheeks seems to darken. “I, uh…” he sniffles, mouth hanging open. “Sure.”

This might’ve been a mistake. Touya nods, hesitating for only a moment before tracing a few quick lines down the bridge of Keigo’s nose with a finger, willing himself not to be self-indulgent as he does so. By the time he gets to the tip of his nose, it’s scrunching and his nostrils are flaring. He prods at the sides of his nose down to the rims of his nostrils, only pausing when he hears Keigo take a desperate and shaky breath in, only to hold it and sigh.  

“Yeah, that’s guh-gonnahh…”

Touya is sure his face is as red as Keigo’s quivering nostrils as he teases the outer rims with his fingernail. 

“HhDSCHHh’hiew!”

Keigo crumples into his hastily cupped hands, only barely catching Touya’s hand with a light mist of spray. 

“Ihhkkshhu! Hksshhhh! hih’KXSHH’ihyuhh!”

“Bless you,” Touya mumbles. 

“Thangks.” Keigo sniffles thickly and winces before giving a sad smile. “You’re really cute.” He nuzzles his cheek against Touya’s shoulder. “Missed you.”

Touya rubs his hand against the fabric of his pants and wills himself to not have a heart attack. Or to have one. He swallows the dry lump in his throat, unable to return the sentiments in the way he knows Keigo wants. He rises and pats Keigo’s shoulder. “Your fever’s really bad, little bird. How about that bath now?”  

Keigo nods, and with his consent, Touya lifts him again. Moving is good. Keeps him busy. 

“KnxSHhh!” Keigo sneezes again, angling away from Touya’s face. “Sorry,” he says before he even takes in a breath, punctuating the apology with a pathetic sniffle and cough, “Beend like this all day, n’dot tryi’gg to mess with you.” 

Touya nearly drops him. The fact that he’s being genuine is what keeps him holding Keigo close as he walks into the bathroom. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. That’s not why I’m here.” 

“To get mbe naked?”

Touya glares at him. “I will drop you.”

***

It’s awkward having one foot out of the water. Touya calls him a flamingo and Keigo flicks water at his face. It wasn’t a ploy to see him naked. It wasn’t a ploy to watch him sneeze helplessly. And yet both of these things are happening right in front of him. 

“hehh’kSHCch’iu!” 

“Bless.”

“IHSHHh’yue! Guhh…Th-Thangk you. ‘Scuse mbe.” Keigo pinches his nose and runs his hand in the water, and Touya counts the tiles on the wall. 

“I’ll be outside. Just yell when you’re done.” 

Keigo nods. They part ways and Touya scrolls through his phone outside the door that can’t quite muffle the sounds of desperate sneezes that ricochet through the bathroom every few minutes. 

It’s too intimate. He’d known it would be, but no amount of preparation would’ve been enough. Maybe he should’ve had Fuyumi check on him instead. Touya continues this train of thought as he helps Keigo back to his bed, into fresh clothes. He pretends to not notice the crumpled up sweatshirt the hero was supposed to return. It’s not like he wore it anyway. He makes him soup and Keigo eats it in bed at the slowest speed he’s ever seen and only eats half of it. 

“Thangk you.”

“Here, let’s get your ankle up.” Touya props the pillow under his injury and cleans up. He leaves the crutches at the side of the bed along with tissues and the cold medicine he’d brought over. He hides the other kinds that were not used. 

“Touya…are you gonnda…”

“Hm?”

“Stay?”

Touya steels himself. “That’s not a good idea.”

“Guess not.”

“Well. Feel better. Don’t go dying now, Hawks.”

Keigo pulls the blanket to his cheek. 

“Fuyumi was worried about you.” Touya stops at the door. He’s supposed to be on the other side of it by now, but he’s opened his mouth. “We might be over but…you don’t have to stop talking to her. And Natsuo.”

“Why did you combe here?” Keigo asks, voice thin. “To be sweet a’dd just leave mbe againd?”

Touya whirls around, the effect lessened by the smooth way his socks move on the wooden floor. “I came because I’m stupid enough to love you.”

“Great, you always—“

“And because you’re shit at taking care of yourself.” He taps his foot, trying to stomp out the rising anger. More evenly he “Hawks. I’m not gonna stay with someone who thinks being the Commission of Public Coverups’ fuckin pet is some kind of altruism and poorly hides his obvious death wish. I’m not gonna stay by your side as you waste away.”

“I didn’t have a choi—“

“But you do! But you did!” Touya hisses, voice low and dangerous. “I—ugh.” He groans. What a fucking waste. It’s not worth it. I’m not fighting with you when you’re like this. Take your damn medicine and go to sleep. I’m not your mom.” 

Touya cringes as Keigo’s face immediately darkens. “Kei—”

“Yeah, I kndow, you’re more like your old mban.”

His hand grips his thigh as he tries not to punch a wall. “Goodbye, Hawks.” And when he says “take care of yourself,” it’s bitter on his tongue. 

The trees are almost bare as he walks home, the red and gold and brown crunching under his boots. He can’t help but think of how small the trees look now and how small Keigo had looked. They’d looked up at the stars one night in weather like this and talked about how small they were comparatively and the wishes they’d made. He thinks about Keigo telling him he wishes heroes had more time on their hands. He thinks about the way he’d dodge so many personal questions after Touya would pour his heart out. He thinks about the fact that Keigo had cried when he’d seen him and about the hoodie tucked away. He’d always say that was the most comfortable one, even though it was fairly ratty from being overworn.

Touya returns, hoping that Keigo hadn’t gotten up to lock the door—he didn't— and storms inside and hears him sobbing into the lotion tissues he'd bought before he opens the door.

“Keigo.” He opens the bedroom door, shoes still on. “I love you. You care too much about everything and everyone, and if you can’t fucking care about yourself, then I will until you learn.” 

#snz #hottestwings #snzblr #i wrote most of this like months ago but forgot and was like o yea #snzfucker #bn//ha

[kimbapisnotsushi]

sou !! hello !! this is also random and specific but i saw the datekou headcanon post and i was wondering. might you have any inarizaki road trip hcs?

i didn't until you asked me so LET'S GO

oh god you thought dateko was bad??? they were only stuck in the car for thirty minutes at MOST

(or something idk i haven't quite mapped out their geography yet but miyagi is a coastal prefecture and sendai isn't like SUPER far inland, so i'm just making assumptions out here)

but anyways. kurosu is driving obviously as much as he moans and groans about it

shoutout to the coaches btw they are CARRYING these headcanons

realistically i guess they'd road trip to another school for a training camp or like idk. maybe hot springs for some r&r bc inarizaki def has the budget for it but in my heart they road trip to suna's hometown during one of the breaks so suna can see his family <333

i guess it also kind of depends on WHERE in hyogo and aichi they are but we could get a solid 4-5 hours of driving if it was from, say, asago to tahara

kita makes a list of all the snacks everyone wants and rounds up aran, oomimi, and akagi to help him raid the market/convenience store like the old hunter-gatherer days

they end up with two massive tote bags of drinks, chips, cookies, and other miscellaneous snacks and one cooler for things like puddings and cakes and whatnot

oomimi sits shotgun because kurosu needed someone to help with directions and everyone else was on "make sure the miyas don't kill each other before we get there" duty

they all thought that kita was brilliant for making atsumu sit in the back and osamu up front because even tho they're separated the twins will NOT stop bickering and trying to throw random pieces of trash at each other. poor riseki gets caught in the crossfire the most often

they all converged to make one giant road trip playlist so you've got the weirdest mix of pop rock/bubblegum/k-pop/city pop, lofi, indie soft rock, show tunes and soundtracks, and more

(i named those genres with certain charas in mind so like. have fun figuring that out!)

nobody's willing to take a nap in fear of what the twins might do to each other when they're not looking

they play really stupid games like the alphabet-chain game and i spy and even try for a few rounds of truth or dare because, hey, there's nothing like being stuck in a car with your fellow teenagers for four hours to set the mood for emotionally vulnerable bonding time, right?

anyways. everyone learns that gin is afraid of heights and all sorts of horror movies, akagi would like to get his ears pierced some day, kosaku got rejected in middle school in front of his entire class and has refused to fall in love since, and suna takes pictures to capture the memory of a place he does not want to forget

(sorry i'm being emo about suna missing home again i'll stop)

kurosu is sweating BUCKETS in the front seat btw. "oh my god what do i do with this information am i supposed to talk to them i'm their TEACHER i'm supposed to guide them i do NOT get paid enough for this - "

a shame, really, considering inarizaki could definitely afford to give that man a raise

it's okay they get some really funny dares like daring gin to text his crush a totally random and weird question

(and thank god atsumu has his phone tucked away in his bag)

there's not a whole lot of dares they can do in the car tbh so they get really creative like daring osamu to eat this absolutely evil concoction of mixing tiramisu pudding into a bag of spicy chips and eating the whole thing

he does. nobody knows how he survived it

and then riseki dared both osamu AND atsumu to shut up and sit down and not even so much as GLANCE each other for the rest of the trip

this was at, like, the 1.5 hour mark btw

and okay he didn't say it EXACTLY like that because riseki is a sweet respectful underclassman but that WAS the closest to snapping he's ever gotten

they do stop occasionally here and there to get out and stretch their legs, but this makes their trip even longer bc it takes like thirty minutes each time to wrangle everyone and get them back in the van

also akagi is trying out his most terrible pickup lines. or antipickup lines. either one works

akagi: "are you lactose? because i can't tolerate you ;)" aran: "PLEASE, MAKE HIM STOP"

the only reason aran feels like he isn't completely suffering is because gin is sitting next to him and gin is kind of soothing like a cute pet would be. not that aran is thinking of gin as a pet nooooo ahahaha that would be weird

meanwhile gin is wondering why aran keeps trying to feed him crackers

they finally get to suna's hometown after being on the road for SIX AND A HALF HOURS

and while everyone is happy to be outside soaking up the sun and fresh air, they're all going to miss the bonding of being stuck in a van perhaps just a little bit

it's all right, they've got the return trip to look forward to

(made 100x worse when akagi busts out a drinking game and proclaims they should play with juice boxes, but that's a story for another time)

#i actually pulled up google maps for this and checked the cities/towns nearest to the prefecture borders #to find the closest possible distance between hyogo and aichi #2 hours btw. perhaps 2 hours and a half at most. 3 if you hit really bad traffic #anyways the only thing i will say about the music is that all the pop stuff is definitely akagi #(okay some suna and gin and a lil of everyone else but MOSTLY akagi) #AND I ACTUALLY GOT A PRETTY EVEN AMOUNT OF HCS FOR EVERYONE THIS TIME I'M SO PROUD #akagi michinari #kita shinsuke #oomimi ren #ojiro aran #miya osamu #miya atsumu #kosaku yuuto #ginjima hitoshi #riseki heisuke #kurosu norimune #haikyuu #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu!! #sou says stuff #sou answers

[tillthelandslide]

Insufferable Arsehole Head canons

a/n: okay so i randomly had this idea and i'm aware most people wont be interested in the slightest but i just had to write it, for myself more than anything haha. So I was thinking about the character Lou within my Matty series "insufferable arsehole" and i was thinking about her relationship/friendships with the guys and decided to do some head canons for each of the boys... enjoy if you do read haha

Special thanks goes to @poisonmedaddy13 aka my wonderful support system on here :) thank you for helping me with this, for not shutting down my ideas and for having my back

Part 5 will be posted soon so keep your eyes peeled if you're interested :)

PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE YET TO READ INSUFFERABLE ARSEHOLE BC SPOILERS!

You can read the series here

George:

George has been her best friend since diapers, they've gone through every aspect of their lives together, that fact alone means that they're bonded for life

They know every minute detail about each other

She thinks he probably knows her better than anyone

He's the one person in her life who has been a steady unwavering support

He's her rock, the person she knows she can go to for everything, for advice, for comfort for laughs, anything

they have to deal with lots of people assuming they're something more and it has got a bit tiring over the years but theyre kind of used to it by now

she knows he would jump in front of a train if it meant she lived

he would hurt anyone who hurts her and has come close to beating up ex's of hers that have been douches (and has punched a fair few of them)

she's the first he shares lyrics with or song concepts (even more matty sometimes)

they both felt that because they were so close, whatever one was feeling, the other felt too

not a day went by where they didnt talk, even when they weren't together, on opposite sides of the world, they would still talk

there was this one time: when they were around 16 maybe 17, g had organised this big surprise party for her birthday, it was absolutely amazing, he had managed to get a fuck ton of beer and weed from an older friend, his garden was full to the brim of all of their friends, some people she didnt know (not that it matter). but despite it being HER birthday party, he had invited matty who at some point in the night had said something about how the dress she was wearing would make all the guys think she was an easy fuck... she remembered how her best friend (a very drunk and high george) had laughed at mattys words... they didn't talk for weeks after that until one day her lanky friend appeared at her door, begging on his hands and knees to forgive him, saying how much of a prick he had been and how much he had missed her. somehow they grew closer after that, he would always have her back and she never questioned that.

they have their own handsake and george knows her disdain for something by one simple fact: she will crinkle her nose up at him, he'd do it back and then they'd laugh about it... it was their thing

she was practically his sister

nicknames they have for each other: G, Georgie (he doesn't like this too much), he calls her Lou ofc, also pumpkin (when she was sad or needed comfort),

Ross:

ross and lou grew close when they were kids, they were never as close as G and Lou (basically impossible to be) but there friendship was different

ross feels like the person she goes to when she doesn't even know she needs him

he's always there for her: always

he knows whats wrong before she does most of the time

they're relationship has the same vibe as ross x matty, that kind of intense platonic love

he's her cuddle bear, someone who gives amazing hugs, the kind that heal her

again she knew he'd die for her and she would for him

he was one of the best things that had ever happened to her, she know if she were to have kids he'd be the god father

she was his wingwoman most of the time, always trying to find a partner who was deserving of his love, someone who would love him the way he needed to be loved

he felt like her platonic soulmate, someone that made her soul happy

buttttt.... when they were younger they did used to flirt... like ALOT and people often thought they were together bc of this... they got drunk at a party once a shared quite a steamy kiss (they would take this to their graves btw) but over time it kind of just fizzled out and was replaced with this platonic love, he was enamored with her regardless

they were often childish with each other, he'd carry her around the empty stages on his back, so she began calling him "monkey man" not only bc he was freaking tall but because she clung to him like a monkey

nickanmes: lou would call him: monkeyman, macdonald, mr macdonald, he calls her: sweetcheeks, rockstar, cool kid, sweetheart

Adam:

now adam and lou aren't as close as lou x george and lou x ross but he's still one of her best friends

adam is the person she goes to if she needs an honest opinion, he is the The “tell it like it is” friend and she is so appreciative of that: often the other boys' opinions can be clouded by how much they love her, adam always had a fair mind about her

And tbh she was that for him too, he remembers when he confided in Lou about his worries about carly in his relationship (very early on in their relationship), he told her how he was worried carly would leave him becuase they could never have a 'normal' relationship, they'd always be on tour, swarmed with fans, fans who (despite their sweet intentions) would always want to know everything about their relationship, Lou all but smacked him round the head, telling him he was being ridiculous, that he'd never find another like carly, someone who was so loving and accepting of everyone she met, told him he might as well marry her and that his thoughts although valid, were just thoughts, and that the realistic state of things was that carly was going to love him regardless.

he is someone who watches on the sidelines, showering her with love and affection and his admiration in his own way, often by doing simple things like "i got you xyz thing because i remember you mentioned it"

he loves how she makes carly feel welcome, always the first to talk to her and ask how she is (carly and hann and agreed that they'd ask her to be godmother)

he's not often one to be cuddly with her but when he is it means so much more

they are the type of friends who dont have superficial conversations, their conversations are much more meaningful than that

he knows she'd do anything to protect him, carly and the baby that is on the way and is so thankful to her for that

she likes how in depth their conversations are, everyone knows hann as this guy that doesn't talk much but the two of them often talks for hours

he's one of those friends that tells these cracking jokes out of the blue that makes everyone die of laughter

nicknames: she ofc calls him Hann, she teasingly starts calling him daddy, he mainly calls her Lou tbh, sometimes calls her rockstar too

#matty healy smut #matty healy #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy x reader #the 1975 smut #the 1975 #george daniel #ross macdonald #matty healy fan fic #matty the 1975 #insufferable arsehole matty healy series

[dogboycolumbo]

my official ranking of the final destination movies ranked by how awesome they are

Final Destination 5

I LOVED THIS ONE!!! awesome twist end. love that the cast werent high schoolers. very fun. i wish there was more murder but the death scenes were great. especially the initial bridge collapse<3 fun characters and the parts without death were interesting too! loveee that peter has to kill someone to live i wish that aspect was included in other films too

2. final destination 3

what can i say. i like wendy. the tanning salon death was the besttt and im always a sucker for Evil theme parks. i like that wendys boyfriend died at the beginning and she couldnt save him. i also like how hard she TRIED to save him and how she was screaming and everyone thought she was just insane. we dont really see that as much in the other films and i loved it <3 loved the gym death too

PLUS! the ending was great. i love all but one ending for the series but the train accident. chefs kiss. loved the double premonition .

as a standalone, i think this is more enjoyable than the first movie.

3. final destination one

tis iconic. i love alex’s performance—clear is great too! i also like that they believe alex fairly easily when he says theyre going to die, when it takes forever it just. makes the movie a slog. miss lewton was my favorite. loved her death, and i loved the ending with the GIANT SIGN!! great fun. points for being the first bc it didnt feel repetitive yet

4. the final destination (the fourth movie)

decent! lots of fun, love the racecar accident. love the movie theatre explosion and HONESTLY i was a big fan of the effects obviously meant to be viewed in 3d . i like the 3d movie craze. theyre lots of fun. my favorite part was the car wash. i also liked the ending and the ITS HERE shown right before the deaths. silly

5. final destination 2

I DONT LIKE IT…. main character is a cop. it’s wayy to happy and lalala two people survive and r just like, best friends forever. and all they had to do was, legally die? for a minute? really stupid. i dont like kim i dont like the cop i dont like how the cop falsely imprisons a woman of color ‘to save her life’ and then it turns out she wouldnt have died anyway . really really dislike this one.

my favorite part was the car crash at the beginning. it’s crazy how all of kims friends die in front of her at the beginning, and it’s just like never brought up again? like she doesnt give a shit?

#final destination #pls enjoy my objectively correct rankings

[thevagabondexpress]

categorising sport by height and weight?? i'll admit i've never heard of that one before. maybe it's just because of the sports i've grown up doing but--i'd be interested in the impacts on diversity within teams. like soccer, where we tend to have advantages in different positions and so especially a metro division all ages women's team is gonna have a really diverse makeup. it could just be adjusting pains to the concept, but with sport i'm a lot less concerned about the top 1% or whatever that gets monetised and more about equal access to every average person who wants to play and get fit and build their skills. trans girlies are def in the minority of people i've played with, but between mixed teams where unfortunately men do often tend to dominate from my experience (could be the way we're socialised though) and teams with bigger women who'd be in similar height and weight categories--idk. i find playing mixed does tend to challenge me but i need to work several times harder to keep up and that's not always sustainable. my concern would be women, especially bigger women, getting discouraged when playing in leagues with men and giving up, thus skewing the gender skew even more. whereas women's teams with trans women in them? never even a problem. but it could be that from my experience they've always been such a small percentage of the women i've played with?? idk. it's sad but i think we still do yield our opportunities to men on the field. heck, many women in hetero relationships yield their time to play sport to their male partners, instead taking on more tasks like cooking and cleaning that mean they can't make training as often and improve their skills as much. and i think we do need to address that, rather than simply not seeing gender in how we organise sports?? but this is the first i've really thought hard about this, so my view's gonna keep evolving. i do have to say. I ran the 1500 in the boys' category once in high school so they could clock my time bc i missed my race, and it was embarrassing like. i'd have made top 5 in the girls' category for my age group but i barely made the top 20 there. swimming, however, tends to not have sex differences from my limited experience--we'd race seperately but i remember all training together in hpe and we'd clock the same bell curve of times pretty much. idk. it could be me trying to survive as a female athlete and maybe i need to train harder. but i don't think i'm the only woman athlete who's felt this massive glass ceiling (not to mention gotten disappointed by our performance when on our period). and felt super encouraged when the women's world cup came to town and i didn't even get tickets because everyone went and talked about it like it was men's sports for once. i hope we can investigate the way biology impacts our athletic performance with open minded curiosity, and focus on the average person who might want to do sport more than the elite who have already made it. sorry for the big paragraph of thoughts but i trust you to sort it!! keen to hear your thoughts <3

it did take me a while to read the big paragraph but thank you. now. on my side of things, here in the us they just don't let people play sports sometimes if their bodies aren't maximized for performance in that specific game. even at low levels. kids get weeded out of little league basketball teams and told they can't play at four, five, six years old because they're "too short." if i didn't startle like a cat on cocaine any time something came near me at moderately fast speeds i'd probably make a hell of a good basketball player: i'm fast and light on my feet, and i'm good at ducking out of the way of people in a crowded space (thank you, five minute times between classes in high school and the very crowded hallways i had to navigate at almost running speeds to get places sometimes). but here in the states, since i'm only 5'1, i wouldn't have a fighting chance. my mother, who played basketball all through high school, is 5'8 and would never get on a team in the 21st century. nobody under 5'9 gets on a basketball team in the 21st century and no man under 6'2 gets into the nba. most nba players are 6'6 and over now. you can't play football or hockey unless you weigh as much as the team's bus.

the one place this doesn't matter is boxing. they do also segregate by gender in boxing but because boxing has that secondary separation by height/weight classes, anybody who wants to box can box so long as they know what they're doing. if i wanted to be a boxer i could. so i think segregating that way instead of by gender would level the playing field in a lot of ways and also open up more opportunities for more people. the trans men and women issue for instance, but it'd also offer chances for people, regardless of gender or cis/transness, to play that would never get a chance otherwise. imagine a sport like basketball getting the equivalent of a flyweight division. there'd be a chance that somebody like me could be on a team, something that would never be possible in the 21st century otherwise.

i have to wonder a little bit though if it's an american thing. maybe if i tried playing sports in another country maybe they wouldn't care so much about height and weight. maybe the evils of capitalism in this country just run that deep. but, living in the us, i think a world where young men's educational opportunities resting on sports scholarships resting on whether or not they're genetically predisposed to being heavyset or tall is a messed up world and i think height/weight instead of gender segregation could be a step to solving that as well as to solving the issue of gender in sports.

[antrea]

this is a ramble but i just wanna write down my thoughts

i'm a new hockey fan as of february so this was my second flyers game ever and first flyers game at home (now i'm like as being 'born and raised' in nj/philly area god i've missed out on so much)

ivan played so fcking amazing for literally just being thrown out there after what like 1.5 weeks stateside? like what on earth

i still wholeheartedly believe in sammy and i cannot take this slander bc if he is so bad then the whole team is worse and cannot provide offensive support (see habs, hawks games)

tipp is soooooooooo fast. i think there were 2 separate isles breakaway chances where thankfully he was actually the only one to catch up with the dude and the pressure he created was enough to totally erase the chance. there were so many times that i thought he was gonna score bc of his sheer speed :(

morgan had some brilliant moments but i think around 2nd period i was sure he was on torts' doghouse bc he just gave away (flag) a lot of pucks lol and he started to move more slowly and then i think that's also when torts moved tippy up and shuffled some lines and i was sad - but honestly he was still injecting so much speed and creativity and he was actively winning back pucks he lost so yeah!!!

i will never forget that final 10 seconds goal for the rest of my life. the farg ERUPTED and i was just like non stop screaming and JUMPING UP AND DOWN for like 5 whole minutes. i didn't even know who fcking scored, it was so chaotic. when they said frost i nearly expired on the spot

i think frost giving away the puck during OT was like the saddest thing ever but i think that line should've started OT anyway........

about refs: since i'm so new to hockey i wasn't sure what was a missed call or just philly fans yapping lol. it's definitely much harder to tell from 200's level what is a foul and what is not

i don't know if i was just like clued in to looking out for cam atkinson mistakes but oh he lost the puck a lot :/ and when he had it he never really did that much with it

whew PK was actually back today i think and i totally attribute it to seels. i think there was one PK where he and garny blocked consecutive shots and you could HEAR it ooft

on the flip side i hate our PP so much and i quote the woman behind me but "it doesn't even look like we're on a power play"

wells fargo center is nice. for some reason before 2024 i went to 0 hockey/ice arenas and now i've been to 4 (blue jackets, caps, habs, flyers) and flyers is by far the nicest

gritty is INSANE energy man we are so lucky to have gritty

due to driving in (ugh next time i'm taking the train) i only had time to speedrun one of the shops on the concourse and there were 0 frost jerseys broooooo. they had like every other player. i was trying to figure out which of the like 4 jerseys we have this season to get anyway and i still don't know...

i was just reflecting all the way home that like i've started seriously following sports since 2010 with german football/bvb and since then i've hardcore picked up ravens nfl, orioles baseball, and figure skating, and i've just never felt this kind of high in-stadium until flyers hockey. and maybe it's just bc i've never been to like orioles playoffs or bvb in germany (i've only been to bvb friendlies in the states) but like i feel like hockey should be more popular lol

#flyers lb #idk how 2024 tumblr cuts off post previews so i apologize if this shows up in a huge honking text block on your dash lol

[dragonofeternal]

So this year has been really, really good in terms of like... reminding/validating that I'm actually like smart and good at what I do?

Like.

First off, I got my new job which whips ass and is super fun and challenging and pays way better and where my ability to do nine million different things is like very valuable. Like oh yeah, I can reformat this word doc/that powerpoint. Do you want me to do a little bit of graphic design to make this actually look nicer? Oh, you need this video for a presentation but it's on a site other than youtube? Yeah sure, I'll rip it for you. And also just the day-to-day of being able to take good notes, and being able to help copyedit training materials, and generally being a pleasant and mostly on top of things person in the office.

THEN, I took one of Killian's creative writing classes along with them. Which, for one thing, was super fun, good teacher, nice to have an organized space/time to hang out and talk about writing. But also it was really validating to have someone outside of the internet/my inner circle of friends read and critique my work who was like... I dunno another adult/serious writer type person? Our teacher is a published poet -- Though more specifically she's prolific as a TRANSLATOR of poetry. A fair number of the translated Palestinian poets you've seen being posted around tumblr recently are most certainly her work. -- and when she realized the level I was writing at she started critiquing my work a lot harder. Still had nice stuff to say! Just also being willing to dig in and point out places where I could improve.

We actually hung out with her last night at a fellow classmate's band's show and she took both me and Killian aside for expanded critique/thoughts on our final pieces, and said some really nice stuff which included that she sees both of us as like professional-grade writers who should continue to hone their craft and who she really wants to see succeed/get shit published/etc. I'm currently letting a short story (that is... probably gonna end up as a novella orz) that I wrote for class sit before I do another draft of it, and then she's offered to do a more critical line edit for me so I can shop it around and get it published somewhere really good.

(Which is also interesting because I see myself as working very much in genre spaces and she's very in the "literary" sort of mode, and she said that she saw a lot of literary prowess and style in how I wrote which she could see getting it published in a more literary type journal. And that's like a weird/wild thought bc of my complicated thoughts on the way the literary/publishing world looks at and treats genre writing blah blah blah....)

At the SAME show, though, our teacher had brought along a friend, who is also a teacher at the community college. Said friend works for the theatre department and recognized me from volunteering to act at a one-day event last semester for Killian's playwriting class. Like this was an event where I was acting for MAYBE a grand total of fifteen minutes. And she basically said "HEY YOU'RE REALLY GOOD, WHY HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU AT ANY OF THE AUDITIONS?" So then I chatted with her some about how I've done a lot of theatre over the years but time/jobs/money meant I haven't had a chance to in a long time...

But now my job is a 9-5! So I gave her my number and I'm now basically the understudy for if/when someone drops out of the productions currently going on. Apparently they have a lot of issues with people dropping suddenly so it's likely that I'll end up doing something next semester! Which is good cuz like. Damn, do I love the theatre, and I've missed it A LOT.

I dunno just having two different people being really impressed about my creative work in a short time was really, really mood/ego boosting? I dunno. When I last did theater in Pittsburgh I ended up feeling really burnt out by the exhausting sense of always having to hunt for work, feeling like I wasn't good enough, etc... And last year I was struggling a lot with feeling like all my writing was futile/unwanted/etc... So having people remember me and be super complimentary was. Nice.

#state of the liz #long post under cut

[corals-corner]

Uhhhh little rant about smth that happened today, feel free to ignore I just need to get this shit out before I bury it down

Ok, so I play basketball. I'm not great at it, I'm aware, but I'm not bad when I actually try. Today was ouR second game

By "our" I mean just the starters and like 2 other girls. The team consists of 14 players. 5 of them, I think more, are failing one or more of their classes, meaning they weren't allowed to play, some aren't allowed to play for 3 weeks because of that. The ones who are passing are mainly the ones who are on both JV and Varsity, like me and like a little less than half the V team.

Unfortunately the head coach doesn't care about the jv team. During practice she'll use as as practice dummies for her old team and starters. This means that we don't get the same opportunity to learn and practice the plays we're supposed to do.

Now, the reason I need to rant is because of what those girls who are failing said. We told them that they need to get their grades up. Then they said that we depend on them too much and that we should know the plays because we have the same practices.

NO DUMBASS WE DONT. WE DONT KNOW THE PLAYS AND WE DONT KNOW THE WEIRD ASS POSITIONS. YOU ASSHOLES GET PRIORITY IN THE COACHES EYES AND WE GET SHIT. WERE TRAINING DUMBIES FOR YOU SO WE DONT GET THE SAME AMOUMT OF PRACTICE YOU GET FOR ANYTHING. YOUR ALL FUCKING FAILING SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU JUDGING US?

I literly got less than 30 seconds of playing time at the very end because the coach didn't want to get in trouble and I was confused as all hell bc I had been sitting on the bend the entire game. They fucking used me to full up the players water bottles when they began to get emptied. I'm sorry, but I didn't see this last year in jv when we literly only had 5 girls on the team playing the whole time with the only breaks being the time outs and half time. Someone to fill waterbottles would have been great for us then.

Istg I didn't even want to join basketball this year because I do not like the coaches. One doesn't even play basketball, and somehow she's been more help than the actual coach when it comes to actual moves. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this bc while the game was going on, me and another girl who got about a minute were talking about this. Like miss, we don't know how to trap well, we don't know where you want us to go when the play falls apart, and we don't know what you want us to do when no one is open and we can't dribble.

I know where gonna get in trouble when we go back to school on monday, but I better not have to do anything because I played for less than 30 seconds. I love basketball, it's really fun for me, but the coach pisses me off and I feel like the girls who weren't in jv last year don't see how they get a better coach than everyone else. Idk why I even go to the ga,es if I don't get to play. The first game I didn't play at all and I was still expected to show up in full gear. I know it's probably normal and this happens in every school, but it just passes me off that I and a bunch of other girls are being held to the same standards as the girls who get much more practice than us.

The jv team is larger than last year which I'm thankful for, but most of the girls in jv are in Varsity too, so the practices are merged. I thought this mean that we'd get more practice but apparently not.

This shouldn't piss me off this much but oh well, I just needed to get this out, please ignore

#not deltarune #rant #idk if this counts as a vent but uhhh #sorry im just pissed at the coach #and i know she can be a good coach #god it feels good to get that off my chest #ive already ranted about the coaches and the team to someone and i just needed to get this out in one swoop #sports

[tutuandscoot]

Bit of a personal post:

So long story short I’ve started going back to ballet classes a couple of times a week- but not like recreational classes, professional training classes so it’s hard core and really technical. It’s been going great, 5 weeks in its catching up on me a bit not having done it really in 5 years, but I’m really loving it and my back is coping better than expected. Most of the teachers at this studio are ones who used to train me so they know me well and I have great relationships with them all so it’s been great.

A few weeks ago we were in the middle of class and the teacher had to step out before jumps bc she had a meeting, I said ‘oh I can play the music bc I’m not gonna jump’ (I can’t jump yet- 12 months post-back surgery I can start again so a few months left to go) but I ended up giving corrections and stuff. The teachers/directors popped their heads in after their meeting (I think they’re were meeting with a prospective student and her parents, so they all popped their heads in at the end to check it out) and I was just going about it as if I had been teaching the whole class, and at the end the directors/teachers said to me ‘oh thanks for that, btw you’re really good at this!’.

I have done a bunch of teaching before but not in a while and the last place I taught was.. to put it kindly.. trash. Like the kids were just there for fun and when you’ve trained to such a high level you have high standards and a high level of understanding and if the kids aren’t that into it/ comprehensive you feel like you are giving 300% and they are only giving like 10% (like that time Scott said in 2013 he likes coaching but only with kids that want to be there and improve). Also the teacher/owner didn’t respect me at all, not a very high standard herself- undermined me, payed me shit wage etc etc and it’s ironic because there’s actually a lot of ‘lower standard’ schools run by people who won’t hire someone who is actually “good” and has danced professionally and could actually inspire the kids because they themselves are jealous and threatened.. yet I walk into a school training kids for the professional industry and they respect me and trust me with training kids who aren’t that much younger than me.

So anyway last week they had me cover a class last minute and it was really fun, then when I was leaving today I just checked in to see if they were right for teachers tonight and they jumped in saying they will get me teaching more coz they think I’m great with kids (I’ve never considered myself a ‘kid person’.. like they kinda bother me) but I guess I’m good at explaining things simply coz I imagine myself doing it and process it to explain to the students, and I love choreographing/creating, we’ve been doing a bit of that in one of the classes I’m part of and like, I know I’m good with movement creation..

They also said they want me teaching/choreographing ballet solos for competitions so all this is to say get ready for a bunch of 7-13 year olds competing ballet solos inspired by all of VM’s programs… I’m talking Valse Triste, (Mahler is a bit hard musically for kids but might steal some ‘moments’), Carmen (NOT ‘VM’ Carmen), Seasons (I actually did a solo to seasons the same year VM did but didn’t realise till recently) I’m sure I’ll be able to work Latch into a ballet solo. Not that I’m gonna rip off chore just ✨inspired✨ by..

Anyway.. just some personal babbling, and to say sorry if I’ve been a bit absent on here it’s just that I’ve been really tired and physical/mental recovery takes longer than it use to (older +major surgery not long ago 😬) plus the school is 3 hours travel time away from me.. but I’ve been really happy- like happier than I’ve been in a long time, I didn’t realise how much i missed moving and creating. So yeah as I get more use to this weekly routine I’ll be able to manage my time on here better with /creating content/get back to working on the documentary..

Hope you all are feeling fabulous this week 💖

[winderlylandchime]

The man is back and better than ever (well kinda but whatever). So here I come with 2x08 and 2x09 but tumblr sucks so this is 1/2, anyway. He got into the house took his pills, immediately went out on a smoke and screamed to me ‘he was right! Who the fuck made that rule about smoking in hospitals?!’ Came back and said ‘cmon loser!’ He silently groaned for 5 minutes until the locker room scene and yelled ‘BRIAN YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU!’ He is now watching Mikey and Ben and goes ‘*loud groan* for the love of Beyoncé, please tell me this dude isn’t THIS boring the whole time? If his whole thing is Buddha and HIV, i am gonna hate it here’ cut to the club scene ‘JUSTIN YOU BEAUTIFUL RASCAL! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! of course my boy can spot a rolex the second he sees it! Attaboy!’…’OH BEN IN A CLUB? Maybe he isn’t boring! *ben takes his shirt off* what a whore, i like it *raises his soda as a cheers*’ and now the introduction scene happened and he almost had a stroke ‘Well of course he’s positive, he studied Buddha and all that crap. And you just complimented him so obviously he’s happy, why are you so bitc- *pauses the ep and is silent for a sec* YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU MEAN POSITIVE AS IN HIV?! HOW DOES THAT AFFECT ANYTHING YOU FUCKI- AND WHY IS THAT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS TO TALK YOU LITTLE DWEEB!…*looks at the paused tv*…Justin looks really good in that jersey’ ‘okay Mel is funny sometimes..but dude we don’t throw food on the ground..damn it, i like her at times but she’s so bitchy sometimes but the feminist in me is saying she has the right for it but like she’s just so *blows a raspberry* at times’ and we are now at the diner scene and he is STRESSED! This man is ready to fight ‘Ted..dude, shush. I get it, the year is 2001..2?3? Wait is this before the towers? Whatever, the year is early and you are scared but listen to me *snaps his fingers at paused ted on screen* i am from the future and we are alright! I mean most of us..some of us…okay so like a group of us are good..you know what? The world sucks but like we’re dealing with it, there’s always a tomorrow, now calm the fuck down bc you are stressing me out…plus doesn’t vic have hiv? Someone call Deb to smack ted bc i am only one man’ And now Deb is up and im not prepared for whats going to happen, it’s like witnessing a train crash ‘exactly Deb! Tell him he has a shitty attitude, smack him for me please. tell them Deb! why does she look like she just ate dog shit? Well i mean it is a lot to hear since its like 200early’ oh sweet summer child. I will say he was pleasantly surprised that Brian was silent and not assholey. ‘Who the fuck has clowns in their home? Deb this is weird even for you. Why can’t she talk to Vic? *pauses the ep* vic my boy, I’ll talk to you. These bitches *holds up the dvd with the cast on it* have me stressed out of my fucking mind. Anyway continue, man’ i would like everyone to know at this point i am holding my breath preparing for the crash.

WELCOME BACK DEAR SWEET ANON AND BROTHER ANON! You’ve been missed.

Literally loling from the start about Brian being right about smoking and hospitals. (Someone should tell Brian and your brother about oxygen tanks)

I love how he sees how BORING Ben is but definitely is protective of Ted’s shitty moment of disclosing his serostatus and warning Michael off of him. And then the total letdown with “Doesn’t Vic have HIV?” and “who the fuck has clowns in their home?” OUR MAN HAS A VERY GOOD POINT.

And yes… the crash. Let’s get to that…

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

[prettybillycore]

tag 10 people you want to get to know better!

(I’m so sorry if I tag you and You’ve already done this, not on purpose I swear!)

tagged by: @whoringrove 💗

relationship status: taken by @rubybinxx in a polycule (aka we are polyamorous!)

favorite color: blue or green

song stuck in your head: currently “Be Gay, Do Drugs, Hail Satan” by Super Cassette. It came up in my recommended and my brain went 👁👁

time: 2:51 am

dream trip: I really want to go to California again. I have been once before and it felt like the home I was supposed to have. I also wanna go there so I can finally hug my bestie @dontbelasagnax. I’m not good at traveling though so it would have to be a road or train trip. I can’t really fly at this point in my life 💀 the one other place I really want to see is the palace of versailles in france

last book you read: Margret and the Mystery of the Missing Body by Megan Milks. I actually just gave a talk on this book for my MFA program. It is deeply painful yet weird as all hell. Highly recommend if you like fantasy and are in the mental place to hear about mental health issues from the perspectives of fictional characters

last book you enjoyed reading: I feel like I need to break out of the “books I read bc school” category but basically all the reading I do at this point is reading for school. During my undergraduate studies, I read “Homie” by Danez Smith. I think about it almost everyday. It is an incredible poetry collection about race, gender, sexuality, family, and overarching queer experiences. A must read in my opinion.

last book you hated reading: also for school (who’s surprised). It was “dreams of being” by Michael J Seidlinger. I got the chance to meet the author and he was fantastic! His book was just wayyyy out of what I normally read and didn’t keep my attention.

favorite thing to cook/bake: top of the stove cookies!!!

favorite craft you like to do in your free time: genuinely crafting sims is so fun to me I do it a lot. I also like to write and paint.

my most niche dislike: based on peoples reactions when I’ve said this in the past, I’m going to take this as my most niche dislike— I hate Metatron the most out of every supernatural villain. I would rather sell my soul to both Crowley and Lucifer (and have to watch them fight it out) than be in a room alone with Metatron unsupervised for 5 minutes. I would feel more safe with Chuck in a room. I fucking hate this angels guts and I could write a full length academic paper on why.

opinion on the circus: clowns and such are alright but the way circus animals are treated sits so wrong with me

do you have a sense of direction: absolutely I do not. Ask literally anyone I’ve ever driven. I can’t find my way anywhere without help 🥲

Tagging:

@dontbelasagnax @rubybinxx @bilqis-of-sheba @ratboydefenselawyer @biillyhargroves @billyhargroveficrec @billys-bitchh @eddiethehero85 @harringrovepeach @sunsetpixels

#billy hargrove #strangers things #supernatural #steve harrington #dean winchester #spence reid #harringrove #harringrove x reader #someone love me #nice to meet ya #i love yall #about me #this is so cute oml #books and reading

[cheemken]

So, let’s just say the Pokemon champions had to live all together, what type of roommate would they be? I’m curious and I need inspiration for a fic. I can’t for the life of me think. My brain isn’t braining.

Man it has been a while since I last posted pkmn stuff chkxdn hahah

But anyways let's see

Lance - I think,, I think he'd be the type to wake up early, and by early I mean no fail he wakes up around 4:30am, Lance would start training and his dragons are noisy. I wanna say the first time they all lived together, Diantha woke up w Lance bc why is her man up at this godforsaken hour and it ruined her mood for the entire day girl missed her beauty sleep lmfaooo

Steven - expect stones and pebbles and rocks everywhere. He'd find a rock that reminds him of one of the champions and he'd bring it home w him and he'd give it to them and ofc as weird as Steven was they can't decline bc hey, it's smth he loved y'know, but also I know Cynthia and Wallace would love collecting those rocks and pebbles

Wallace - the first time he woke up to Lance training at four in the morning, he and Diantha ruined everyone's day w their mood. If this man doesn't get his full eight hours of sleep he's gonna make it everyone's problem. Coffee would not solve anything, but spending the day w Steven might lmfao

Cynthia - if anyone sees random books and papers or anything piled or cluttered around a certain area of their shared home, they would know Cynthia has been there. Girl does not clean up after herself bc she's so busy, her mind is always racing, she gives Hamilton vibes in a way she could write 51 essays in one go and she would enjoy every second of it. They don't even wanna talk abt Cynthia's room

Iris - sleeps through all of her alarms, the only thing that could wake her up is if Hau just jumps on her and tell her everyone's been waiting for almost an hour for her to go down to breakfast w them. Once said she wants to train w Lance early in the morning, did not at all join him bc Lance couldn't even wake her up she kept insisting "ugh.. five more minutes" she said that about ten times now Lance just gave up

Diantha - no matter how sour her mood will be, someone's gotta wake her up 6am sharp. Too many appointments and meetings and sets that she gotta start her day early, but not too early as in Lance and Geeta early. Would not be functional without coffee or sweets in the morning, one time she only ate like,, cake for breakfast and she was good to go

Hau - actually a pretty decent roommate, until someone eats his leftovers. Look, look, he's been influenced enough by the champions, Wallace and Diantha would be so damn proud at how petty this boy is when someone eats his leftovers. He has not forgiven Iris for eating his leftover food one time and he refuses to let her live it down

Leon - also sleeps through all his alarms lmfao, if he could he'd just stay in bed the whole day cause he hasn't been so relaxed in such a long while. He's the one who always cooks breakfast tho, I think, like of all the champions he and Lance give off the vibes that they're the only ones who could cook well enough that they won't burn the food

Geeta - also someone who wakes up so early, if Lance wakes up at 4:30, Geeta wakes up around 5:00. Isn't allowed in the kitchen tho so she doesn't cook breakfast before everyone wakes up bc she also almost burned the house down. Takes care of all the lil pokemon that hides in her hair so they have this lil sanctuary of sorts in their backyard, Geeta insisted they could train them and maybe hand them as starter Pokemon to young trainers

#pokemon hcs #pokemon champions #damn it has been such a while hahah #i havent posted pkmn stuff in so long the reverse brainrot got me on a chokehold hahaha #but hey i hope this helps you w your lil fic hahah #an ask and an answer #trivial-writing