#and also confronting that I haven't lived up to anyone's expectations

[old-school-butch]

Hello again <3

I sent you an anon that you replied to on April 1st, which was me asking how ex-TIFs are received back into womanhood. Your reply gave me a little foothold which ended up very comforting as I started coming out rapid-fire to all my friends as detrans. this is primarily a message for other people in my situation, who are afraid and might want a template of what you might expect will happen once you do come out with it.

Predictably, most of my friends dropped me; I've 3 friends left. Two of which continue to support trans people but can accept that i have different opinions (as long as i'm "not mean") and one of which has seen the gender critical arguments, accepted them, and agrees. So, heavy losses, but not total losses. My two siblings seemed to sigh in relief and reveal that they never believed in genderism at all, which is odd, because in my 10 years of being trans not one of them challenged me on it. my mom fell into heavy guilt over "letting me" do all this, although i was 18 when i took testo and 19 when i got surgery, so she really could not have stopped me, legally. i suppose she mainly grieves knowing that had she had the right arguments she could have saved her kid this, but i've told her she is not to blame and i hope she recognizes that.

i haven't received any real harassment, not from anyone that i PERSONALLY know, though my family has received... harassment targeted at me? my sister had a classmate begin sending her copious pro-trans propaganda (contrapoints videos) which she instructed should be sent onward to me (sis did not comply). hilarious how my 10 years of direct experience is suddenly null and void and i'm assumed to know nothing about transness.... 6 months ago i was helping people sensitivity-write trans characters. now, i'm told i can't speak for the trans experience at all, and that i do not know what it's like to be a transmasc person. told that i need to listen to the arguments more carefully, that i don't LISTEN, when i literally lived this for 10 whole years. girl, on god? they tell me i don't get it and need to educate myself. and have empathy of course.

but in general, detransing, i've discovered that there are PLENTY of people who do not actually believe in genderism but who will play along simply out of fear or social pressure. my friends aside, who i knew through "queer" circles, everyone in my family (expect my mom) has revealed they never actually believed in it. i think this might contribute to why trans people bully dissenters so badly. they know this is the truth, that no one really buys it. i think, subconsciously, i have known that too. i never downloaded grindr, i never went into the men's bathrooms. i knew that despite testo and surgery and pronouns i could never challenge men as an equal in their eyes.

interestingly, making new friends is not that hard. I lead with the fact i'm detrans and "don't believe in all that shit" and people are VERY eager to be able to, suddenly, voice their real opinions without being called transphobic. they begin with probing questions, uncontroversial statements like "i agree they shouldn't put males in women's sports..." but if you continue to agree and not punish this daring on their part, they will reveal, with much relief and enthusiasm, what they really think. most people, normal people, really do not believe it all? i'm a brash person and can take irl confrontations quite well, hence i feel safe putting myself up as a transphobe off the bat. and people are very into this. so. the old ass saying, just be yourself.... normal people will not volunteer anti-genderist opinions on their own but when i continue to state thing after thing they open up and agree and eventually feel safe enough to admit their own thoughts. making friends, especially with non-gendie women, hasn't been that hard.

i'm going to write another message about same-sex attraction in the genderverse, but it's also a can of worms so i will make it separate from this one. again, thank you so much, for having anon on and listening, and letting us listen to each other without fear. i would hug you. to be continued

Thanks for the follow up!

My only comment is that I think most people play along out of kindness, it's not all bullying and fear, but that does impose a silence on everyone so everyone feels quite alone with their doubts.

[turbulentscrawl]

i haven't seen lots of edgar content lately,, maybe general hcs for edgar valden if you can? :D

👌

-Edgar is a tunnel-visioned, broken-hearted creator who spends most of his energy seeking out the meaning of life and a reason to live. After the death of his mother and sister, he gave up on fulfillment through love or friendship, and now appreciates the world only through his art. Otherwise, he is apathetic. He does remain cordial with people, though, like his mother taught him to be.

-Edgar is an observer in most senses of the word. He rarely cares to devote energy to conversation himself, so he watches and listens instead. He doesn’t have much remaining interest in participating in the ‘game’ that is society, or the subtle mind-games it requires, but he is intrigued by other people’s reactions to them. When he does interact with others, he expects it to be strait-laced. Anything else is a waste of his time. (In short, he’s nosey. He enjoys knowing all the gossip but very rarely spreads it himself.)

-In that same vein, if Edgar has a specific opinion on something, you know it’s because that something has inspired him in some way. Edgar is a Centrist and does not hold very strong views of political or social situations one way or the other. In general, he thinks it’s best to let people do what they want, so long as it doesn’t interfere with what he or anyone else wants.

-Since the betrayal of his master, he’s developed a strikingly low tolerance for interruptions and interference. Edgar’s artistic muse is the most important thing in life to him, and he’s already lost it once. He’s not willing to lose it again, and does not give a damn about what anyone else thinks about his methods of maintaining it.

-Edgar was used by people for so long for his artistic skills that he has a hard time connecting with anyone who’s first interest in him relates to that. Ironically, with time Edgar gets along well with people like Kevin, who was confrontational and distrusting of Edgar in the beginning. Kevin did not give a fuck about Edgar’s art, and disliked him for some entirely different principal. And his art neither salvaged Kevin’s opinion nor won him over when they were finally on neutral terms. People like that can be trusted to be genuine, as far as Edgar is concerned, and frankly Edgar doesn’t see conflict as a dealbreaker for friendships or relationships. Disagreements happen.

-He’s physically weak—this boy has never seen a day of recreational exercise in his life. He is, however, not squeamish or easily disgusted. He dislikes what he perceives as ugliness, but has no issues witnessing or interacting with dirt, grime, or gore. He’s also not easily frightened and tends to be one of the more level-headed survivors in matches. He holds a similar reverence to death as Aesop and isn’t afraid of dying in matches. Some little part of him wishes it could be permanent—as some final devotion to his art, his Swan Song.

-Edgar cross-dresses sometimes. He needs no particular reason for it, as far as he’s concerned, but if you must know it just comes down to ‘he likes what he likes.’ And he likes flowy skirts. He’s not the type to let the gender roles of a society he’s not even part of anymore dictate what he wears. Were he alive in a modern world, he may identity as Agender. He doesn’t care much about gender and just presents however he feels like on a given day.

-Outside of his art studio and bedroom, Edgar is terrible at keeping track of things. He’s blind to anything he sets down outside of those two spaces, it simply no longer exists to him. Other people in the manor are often returning his things to him (especially Joker, who has a knack for finding things without even knowing they were lost.)

-When he was younger, he was taught several other skills that were normal for young men of high class. Piano and dancing, for instance. he didn't like them enough to practice much after his mother died, but he's still decent at them.

-Edgar has commandeered several hallways of the manor to hang his art. He’ll probably take over more later—he’s got an eternity to make his art, after all.

#idv x reader #identity v #idv painter #edgar valden x reader #turbulentscrawl

[42frogs]

"I have feelings for Alhaitham."

Cyno had waited until their next trip to Gandharva Ville to speak to Kaveh, as far away from the eager ears and mouths of the Akademiya as they could be. Here, on the terrace after Tighnari and Collei have gone on their evening patrol, the only creatures to hear them are the birds, and though they might carry his words far away, it is unlikely anyone will be able to decipher them.

Kaveh chokes into his wine cup, kicking his feet out above the trees.

"Archons- really? Good luck with that."

He meets Cyno's gaze. For all his experience in interrogation, facial expressions have always evaded him. Right now, Kaveh seems sincere- eyes widened in surprise, but not hostile.

"Is that all you have to say?" Cyno asks. His hands are braced against the terrace boards, grounding him even this high up. Kaveh shrugs.

"I could question your taste if you like, but you're a sensible man, you've probably done enough of that yourself," he lifts his glass to him, and then narrows his eyes. "Wait - there is something. Why are you telling me? I figured you'd be the type to sort things between you and the object of your affections before you went shouting your heart to others. Have you already told him?"

"I'm not shouting, and I haven't told him," Cyno says. He intends to, because secrets between companions can only lead to unnecessary conflict, but he hasn't decided when, or how, yet. He studies Kaveh for a while, wondering how to approach it. "You're my friend."

"I'm flattered," Kaveh touches his chest. "But you waited until Tighnari was gone, and I'm far more likely to judge you than he is."

"You're my friend, and I care about your feelings," Cyno tries again. Kaveh stares at him blankly. "Aren't you in love with him?"

Kaveh, thankfully, has never been on guard with his expressions, and so Cyno is able to watch the flicker of his pupils as he assembles the pieces - the exhale of breath in laughter, and the flush of pink that dusts his cheek.

"Oh, Cyno, you were worried about me? Or - did you want me to duel you for him? I'd never win, with cards or blades," he chuckles. "I'm not in love with Alhaitham; he's all yours, if you can pull his head out of his ass for long enough to confront his feelings for you."

"His -?" No. Cyno files that away for later. As much as he wants to know - where would Kaveh have gotten that idea from - that isn't what he's here for. "Kaveh, please. I don't want this to come between us."

"I mean it," Kaveh tells him, leaning forward to put a hand on his knee. Cyno allows him into his space; he can smell the wine on his breath. "There's no fooling you, I know, so - yes, once, I thought I loved him. Living in close quarters with someone creates all sorts of fantastical delusions. But it was a long time ago, and I know now that we'd never be compatible."

"You rarely stop talking about him, unless you have a project to discuss," Cyno says, unsure why he is arguing. Does he want to persuade Kaveh otherwise? If Alhaitham did have Kaveh's affections, wouldn't he choose him? It would, at least, bring Cyno some form peace to see them both happy.

"Because he's infuriating. And he's also my roommate, so most of my stories involve him in some way or another. No, I was fooled by a handsome face, and once I saw the rotten inside, my affliction was cured," Kaveh smiles. "It seems to have been the opposite for you, though, doesn't it? Do you think you can fix him?"

Cyno frowns. "I don't think he needs fixing."

"There we have it," Kaveh nudges him with one elbow, throwing back the rest of his wine. "I'll help you win him over."

"I don't want that, either," Cyno says. "He shouldn't have to be persuaded. I have no expectations."

"Well, I've got plenty. I love a good romance, even if it's that heartless dog I have to help. It'll be good for him. Not so sure what it will do for you, but..." Kaveh sways with Cyno on the terrace, imitating the tops of the trees they sit upon, and echoes Cyno's words. "You're my friend, and I care about your feelings. Even the ones that have no rational place in this universe."

Cyno hides a smile in his cheeks.

"Thanks, Kaveh."

"Can I tell Tighnari? You never tell me anything before him, I want to rub it in his face."

"Absolutely not."

#vesh brainworms #just thinking about cyno and kaveh being friends idk #and kaveh being like wtf is wrong with you despite knowing exactly how someone can fall for alhaitham #even if hes been cured of the disease #haino #alhaitham #cyno #kaveh #genshin fic #cytham #p: haino

[takearisk-xo]

idk guys things are just weird

this is going to be a very chaotic and disorganized Personal Post (sorry in advance)

i know this is silly and i don't owe anyone anything, but i genuinely feel so sad that i don't have anything to contribute or post today on harry's birthday.

something is up with my writing and i can't quite put my finger on it.. harry and ginny are being...very soft and not in a way that is in-character or plot driven. things are just off. all my plans i have in my head are literally flying out the window everytime i sit down to write and i don't trust if it is the right decision for the story or just some weird mood i'm in that's manifesting in a really out of character tone on the page.

i suppose it could be a couple different things. i haven't met with my therapist in two weeks so my brain could just be overloaded with other crap that i need to process and or decompress before my writing thoughts feel organized again.

my husband has been massively stressed out because of many different things going on in his life separate from our family and so i've been going a little over the top trying to be there for him.

our daughter hasn't been sleeping all that well and she's been fighting a virus/cold for going on about two weeks that i think we are finally on the tail end of.

work for me is bleh. i don't enjoy what i'm doing right now. we are in one of those cycles that is all reporting and data entry and retention analysis and its so boring and just not at all what fulfills me from this position. however in the same vein, the semester is right around the corner so it's also the last push to make sure everything is ready to go for when students return to campus.

i killed a spider today which is like a very big deal for me. i am deathly afraid of spiders and my good friends can attest that when confronted with one i dissolve into a lot of screaming and sweating and general panic. so i def think i am experiencing the aftermath of an adrenaline rush even though that was like five hours ago.

all of this is to say, i think i need a break from wips. specifically already gone and the entire the path from you universe. i feel like this past month has just been me forcing something that doesn't need to be forced. i think if i take a step back from both stories, and quit putting so much pressure on myself, my head will clear and things will start falling into place.

this week is @corneliaavenue-ao3's ficfest! and i hope this will be a really good way to bring to life some of these soft moments that keep trying to knock down the door and also keep me in the habit of writing. i don't want to put a timeline on it and somehow set an expectation for myself or anyone else but i'm guessing you can expect a two/three week longer hiatus for those two stories, and you can probably expect a fair amount of random one shots and/or drabbles from me in the meantime.

i'm sorry if this is disappointing, i can promise it is just as disappointing for me. i miss having a clear head and the words flowing effortlessly. i hope someday i get that back, but for now, i'm going to hope a little time away from those plots helps settle the static that lives inside my head.

as always, thanks for reading and understanding <3

#personal #tldr: expect a two or three week longer break on the wips #my brain just isn't cooperating right now #and i need to take a step back #but you can expect and enjoy some fun randomness in the meantime

[wizarddemigodhunterhero]

WILMON AND SAGUST CAN"T BE TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME

Wilmon and Sara x August are FOILS. This might be something that the people have figured out already, but I DID NOT until after watching s3 and I haven't see anyone say it yet so like I'm gonna do it.

I'm sorry this is gonna be a LONG post.

****SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT****

After Sara and August kissed in s3 ep5, I had such a weird feeling. Cuz like Wilmon had just broken up (maybe?) and I had such a "One cannot live while the other survives" moment (I'm sorry for the HP reference). I thought back to s2 and s1 and I had a whole moment cuz they are FOILS, but not even in the way I at first expected!!

Wilhelm and Sara are foils and Simon and August are foils!!!

Evidence:

Season 1:

Wilhelm and Simon meet and are immediately drawn to each other

August start the season, probably not even knowing Sara's name, he has no interest in her

Wilhelm and Simon kiss for the first time after very clear, but hesitant tension, in a very pure, sweet moment

August kisses Sara for the first time because he is jealous of Wilhelm's friendship with Felice

After Erik dies, Wilhelm gets very hot and cold with Simon, he is unsure if he can handle/wants this relationship because of his station, even though it has been good for him. He wants Simon even though he feel like he SHOULDN'T because of his station/duties.

Around this same time, Sara plays with August feelings a bit (she doesn't mean to, this is not her intention, but she does!) She wants him even though she SHOULDN'T because that is her best friend's ex!

Simon rescues Wille from the football field and they get together.

August takes the video. He and Sara are not together

After August posts the video, Wille and Simon's relationship is rocky. They don't know how to handle the pressure Wille ends up making the choice to deny Simon. This leads to them breaking up.

Sara catches August posting the video and confronts him to confirm her knowledge. He asks what she wants in return for her silence, and he makes the choice to help her get into Mummer's house (this is one of the seeds for their relationship in season 2)

Season 2

In the beginning of s2, Wilmon are broken up, with no end to that in sight.

Sara and August on the other hand are not together, but starting to show interest in each other

Felice encourages Wille to continue to pursue Simon!

Sara CANNOT tell Felice about anything happening with August.

Simon starts seeing Marcus to try to rebound from Wille, which makes Wille very insecure.

Sara makes August more sure of himself and their relationship through honset communication of expectations. Especially while they are intimate and vulnerable.

Wille loses hope for his and Simon's relationship right before the Valentine's ball.

August invites Sara to the Valentine's ball, giving him hope that they can be seen together.

Simon kisses Wille at the Valentine's ball, which rekindles Wille's hope for their relaitonship.

Sara stands August up for the Valentine's ball and chooses to go with her friends instead.

While Felice is confirming the sale of Rousseaux, Wille and Simon are in a fight about whether or not Simon should go to the police and what this means for them.

Sara goes to August for comfort when Felice tells her about Rousseaux. (This yields probably their cutest scene)

After their book report, Simon and Wille have sex and commit to getting back together. They also have an important discussion about why Simon wants to go to the police in the first place.

At the same time, Sara tells August that Simon is planning to go to the police and that he needs to go first so he can own up for his mistakes. August has no intention of doing this and, consequently, betrays Sara.

Simon breaks up with Marcus.

August puts his plan to Not Go To Jail into action (which is betraying Sara's trust.)

During The Altercation, both couples try to protect each other, BUT this scene is a catalyst for Simon realizing he is okay with taking what Wille can give him and realizing that he loves Wille.

Conversely, Sara realizes during The Altercation, that August is not the person she thought he was and that she cannot be with him.

Before the jubilee, Simon tells Wille that he loves him, which gives Wille the courage to give his speech and come out to the world/ tell the world he loves Simon.

Before the jubilee, August tries to prove his love for Sara through giving her Rousseaux, which she denies. She leaves and calls the cops from the bus.

Season 3 (eps 1-5)

Simon and Wille are together for most of the season, but they are especially happy in the beginning before the pressure builds.

Sara and August don't even talk or see each other until Ep3.

Simon and Wille communicate honestly, however, they do still have some fights and miscommunication

Sara and August don't communicate for most of the season, but when they do, it is August trying to support Sara and explain his actions

At the end of the season, all of the pressure and grief Wille has experienced comes to a head and Ep5 ends with Simon maybe breaking up with Wille.

Concurrently, August tries to justify his actions to Sara and she kisses him.

I think that, in the last episode, Sara and August are going to break up and Wilmon are going to get back together. This might be the Wilmon endgame truther in me, but I don't think their story is going to finish that way. I also don't think August has had enough character growth to satisfy Sara! I think he has spent so much time asking to be forgiven, that he hasn't really changed. He has proved that he loves her, but I don't know if she loves him enough to sacrifice her family and friends for him.

#young royals #yr #yr season 3 spoilers #spoilers #wilmon #sara eriksson #august horn #simon young royals #simon eriksson #wilhelm #crown prince wilhelm #wilhelm young royals #meta #yr meta #THE THEMES

[sunflowerdigs]

Lmao, reading the Buddie tag rn is giving me such whiplash. "I believe fully that Buddie is going canon" "buddie is definitely not going canon". It seems like people got a lot of different things out of the recent promo.

I haven't seen all of it, but I did read the "Buddie" articles and the interviews with both Oliver and Ryan. I admit, Ryan's interview cooled my Buddie expectations considerably, not because of anything he said about Marisol (that part actually made me think that he and Marisol are very likely not endgame) but because of the part about portraying a "strong male friendship" (I hate that phrase when it's brought up in the periphery of shipping) being the most important thing. I don't know that he would have emphasized that as much if they were going canon as quickly as I was hoping.

Oliver's interview has all but confirmed bi Buck for me. What I will say - it would be foolish for the show to expect Buddie fans to be happy about Buck ending up with anyone but Eddie. That isn't an expectation placed on any other shipper group and it shouldn't be placed on queer fans, even if Buck's endgame partner is a man. It's absolutely ok for fans to feel some gratefulness for the rep, but to also be very frustrated by not getting the love story.

That said, Ryan commenting about Eddie "living in the moment" rather than commenting about how much Eddie loves Marisol or about how great their chemistry is or how good she is with Christopher or something along those lines makes me think that it's not endgame, that something (someone) else comes up at some point for Eddie, likely while the relationship is still happening. Imo, it's been emphasized by both Oliver and Ryan that both Eddie and Buck are in the best place mentally and emotionally that they've been in on the show, so, if Buddie is going to happen, this would be the time to start down the path. They're both "ready". If it's going to happen, I still think we'll get a feelings realization from both of them this season, but that they possibly won't confront each other about those feelings until next season. Idk. I'm still torn between whether they'll actually give Buck another love interest (Tommy has been brought up as a possibility) or just have him straight up realize his feelings for Eddie and struggle with Eddie's relationship with Marisol. I feel like it could go either way.

#buddie #911 spoilers #911 abc

[sirilush]

☆Sweet☆

♡Akutagawa x GN!Reader♡

♡Oneshot♡

Warnings: possible bad grammer/writing, You/Your being used to address reader, Slight angst (?) But has fluff at the end, implied injures, bandages, casts, possible OOC Akutagawa, and definitely not proofread.

This takes place right after the end of season 1. This can be read as platonically or romantically.

A/N: This is my first one-shot I'm posting ever on my tumbler. It's probably wattpad material since I don't think I'm the greatest at writing stories to be completely honest. I haven't written all that much, probably the last time I wrote a fanfiction was like when I was in middle school. I was also writing this at midnight, so it's most likely pretty bland. I mostly wrote this since I had an idea in my mind in the middle of the night, and I just went for it.

♤♤♤

Annoying birds could be heard chirping this bright morning and the high-pitched beating from a heart monitor, too. It was not usual to hear each morning to many, but it has become too familiar in your daily routine.

The sickly white bedsheets blended with Akutagawa's complexion, as he lay on an uncomfortable-looking bed. He was wrapped with bandages, and you could have sworn that he would be able to beat the infamous bandaged wasting machine from the Armed Detective Agency. It has been a few days since Akutagawa came to be here. And only a couple of days before he had awoken. Yet he hasn’t said a thing, not even to the nurses that had been nursing him back to health. Nor to you, who have been coming to visit every morning and every night.

It wasn’t uncommon for Akutagawa to not speak to his fellow peers, but something to you felt off about his silence. It was like he had something on his mind, yet he dared not say what it was. Although recently, there had been some progress, even though his only responses were groans and annoyed huffs.

Another day of you sitting on the chair beside the port mafia’s black dog. He still doesn't dare to speak up or take any action to look at you. He just stares at the wall in thought, as his mind goes into turmoil. His mind went to his last confrontation with the weretiger that happened not so long ago. Even he couldn’t deny what he had felt. Once Atsushi brought his final blow to Akutagawa, he felt like he failed again. He failed again to take down Atsushi. He failed to live up to Dazai’s expectations. And he failed himself. He was foolish and weak. At least, that is what Akutagawa told himself.

Even though he thought he was secretive about his own emotions, you could read him like a book sometimes. Not all the time, but that face he made as he looked at that boring old wall that had chipped paint across it, could tell you all you needed to know.

“You look a little more sour than yesterday.” You leaned your elbow on the armrest of the dingy chair you sat on. Your hand prompts up your head as your gaze meets the side of the pale man's cheek. “And I thought yesterday was already sour enough.”

Akutagawa rolls his eyes in annoyance. You always had the weirdest ways of explaining his emotions. If he could, he would slap his hand to his forehead if he had the energy to. Yet again, he stayed quiet as you rambled about.

“How have you been so far? Feeling any better recently?”

No answer.

“Can you shake your head yes or no? If it’s easier for you…”

Yet again, no answer. It seems like he was completely absorbed in his own thoughts. It looks like another day of him not speaking to you, or anyone for that matter. Even if Dazai came into this room right now to give him praise, Akutagawa won’t even acknowledge his mentor's presence.

You let out a small sigh as you realized there will probably be no progress for today with Akutagawa. You reached into your bag, bringing out a small box, placing it on the side table nearest to his bed.

“I got something for you. I don’t know if you would like it, since I’m not sure how they taste… Make sure to not let the nurses know I snuck it in, okay?”

He gave you no reaction to the sudden gift, maybe he was still stuck in his mind. So you gave up for today, of finally being able to talk to the man. You got up and headed to the infirmary door, but not before looking back, hoping that maybe, just maybe he would say something to you. Just something, anything, even if it was just one word.

But yet still nothing.

“I’ll come back later to check up on you. Don’t try anything while I’m gone, okay?”

Still no answer. You then left the infirmary, carefully closing the door as you headed out.

As you left, Akutagawa finally looked somewhere other than the wall in front of him. First, he looked at the door you left through, and then his gaze went to the box that sat on the bedside table. With his one free hand that wasn’t in a stiff cast. He reached over and picked up the small box. He shook it a bit, to hear rumbling inside like there were small little pieces jumping around. As he opened it up, it was small pieces of lightly coated sugar figs inside.

He took one out of the container and popped it into his mouth.

“...It’s sweet…”

He mumbled out while taking another small fig peice out of the small box.

♤♤♤

A/N: If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Idk if this was any good, and if you have any constructive criticism, I would like to hear it. I definitely want to improve on my writing skills and make some small fanfics every now and then.

#akutagawa x reader #akutagawa ryunosuke x reader #akutagawa ryuunosuke #ryunosuke akutagawa #bsd akutagawa #gn reader #akutagawa fluff #akutagawa angst #bsd fanfic #fluff #angst #bungo stray dogs #siri's fanfics

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Just Let Me Adore You Pt. 7

Pairing: Stucky x Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: nothing here really

Genre: minor angst a lil comedy, sort of fluff

Summary: You’ve been dating your boyfriend, Bruce, for 3 absolutely blissful years. He’s a scientist and professor who is as smart as he is kind and if anyone asked, you were sure you’d spend the rest of your life with him. That is until two mysteriously charming men that Bruce swears are dangerous take an interest in you that threatens to turn your entire life upside down. I mean… what exactly are you supposed to do with two gorgeous men telling you something that suggests that basically everything you think you know is a lie? And why does part of you have enough doubt to wonder if they might be telling the truth?

Series Masterlist

***

"Okay, I didn't make you talk about it when you showed up last night, and you completely avoided me before we went to work this morning, but it's been at least 24 hours now and I think we should talk about whatever happened with Bruce." Wanda says sitting beside you on the couch.

"I confronted him like you told me to." You shrug.

"And?!"

"I started by telling him I called my mom and that she confirmed I was a werewolf. It spiraled from there. He wouldn't look at me and that should've told me everything I needed to know but I still asked him. I even explained why my suspicions made sense and that I wasn't just blindly trusting Steve and Bucky. You know the entire time he couldn't even say he didn't know." You scoff. "He said a bunch of stuff about how it was ridiculous and it didn't make sense and he would never hurt me but not once did he say 'I didn't know you were a werewolf.' I even asked him to ya know. I said look me in the eye and tell me you didn't know or I'm leaving."

"And he couldn't do it?"

"Not only could he not do it he was busy asking me where I would fucking go. Tried to tell me Steve and Bucky would hurt me because I guess he thought I'd be going to them."

"Did he forget I also live in this city? Why the fuck would you go to them?"

"That's so not the point." You chuckle.

"I mean I know but like- he's an idiot." She crosses her arms.

"For more reasons than one." You nod. Wanda wraps her arms around you and places her head on your shoulder.

"How are you feeling y/n?" She asks.

"I'm fine actually. I think deep down I've been suspecting him since Steve suggested it so- I'm pretty sure I subconsciously accepted this long before I confirmed it." You shrug and you mean that. Your relationship pretty much ended weeks ago you think.

"I'm sorry honey." She says.

"It is what it is Wanda. Maybe I should've paid more attention to you not liking him." You hum.

"Nonsense you liked him and he was good to you, besides I'm not usually the voice of reason in this friendship so it's not like my opinion is a litmus test. Do not beat yourself up because he was a liar, even I didn't think he was gonna hurt you." Wanda says.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." You sigh.

~*~*~

A knock on Wanda's front door makes the two of you look at each other in shock.

"You expecting someone?" You ask her.

"No. I'd have told you. I'll go check it though." She says getting up and going to the door. You don't hear the door open but after a moment Wanda runs back to you in the living room. "Um- you wanna tell me why your werewolf buddies are at my door?"

"My- werewolf buddies? I don't-" You trail off with a frown. "You mean Steve and Bucky?" You ask.

"Yes! The Greek gods! Why are they here?"

"I don't know! I haven't seen them in over a month! They're here?! How did they even know where to find me?" You blink.

"Yes, they're here. Should I open the door? Do I invite them in? Should we just go talk to them at the door?"

"We should not invite them in until we know what they want. Let's go." You get up and open the door to see Steve and Bucky at the door.

"Y/n, hi." Steve smiles.

"Um... What are you two doing here?"

"We wanted to check on you." He says.

"You wanted to check on me? And how did you find me? This isn't even my apartment." You cross your arms. The two of them look at each other and you can tell they're trying to decide what to say. "I asked the question, look at me and give me an answer. The truth, if you want any chance of this going well." You say, demanding their attention which makes them look at you.

"We've had people... looking out for you." Steve says carefully.

"Oh so you are full blown stalkers. Running into you has never been a coincidence? You're just- watching me all the time?" You ask.

"No it- it sounds worse than it is and it didn't start like this." Bucky says.

"I don't think anything you say is going to make this better but I'll humor you, if it didn't start like that how'd it get there?"

"The team looking out for you started after we realized who Bruce was. We knew he wasn't safe for you to be around so we put together a security detail."

"A security detail?! Who do you think I am? The president's daughter?!"

"I'm sorry, you never noticed people following you y/n?" Wanda looks at you.

"They were instructed to keep their distance unless absolutely necessary." Bucky says.

"Plus the- main member of your security detail has a special suit that lets him get real small so you wouldn't have noticed him unless he made himself known anyway." Steve shrugs.

"We were informed two weeks ago that you left your apartment one night and didn't return." Bucky says.

"We thought you could use some time before you saw us again so we've kept our distance, but we wanted to see that you were okay." Steve says.

"You gotta stop. This stalker shit is not cute. You're just being weird. Showing up at my job was one thing but my friend's apartment? Enough. You don't know me. And I don't know you either. This is insane." You cross your arms.

"I'm Steve Rogers and he's James Barnes. We're werewolves like you are." Steve says.

"You're James now? Before it was Bucky." You turn your attention to Bucky.

"Bucky's a nickname from my middle name Buchanan."

"Okay, I have a quick question. Are you two mafia crime lords or what?" Wanda asks.

"Wanda." You look at her.

"What?! I'm trying to figure out how much danger this conversation is putting us in! We need to know who these guys are!" She defends herself and you roll your eyes.

"We would never hurt you, especially because of how important you are to y/n. We'd never do anything to harm her." Steve says.

"What part of 'stop' are you not understanding?! Quit trying to be my protectors I don't know you people! It is extremely unsettling." You throw your arms up in exasperation.

"We can't exactly help it." Bucky mutters.

"You absolutely can help it. You aren't preprogrammed robots."

"It's a long story but no we can't." Steve sighs.

"Right, well, before you get into that, can I get an answer to my question? Mafia crime lords? Yes or no, it is very simple." Wanda presses.

"Wanda!" You say.

"We are." Steve says.

"How did you know that?" Bucky narrows his eyes at her.

"Bruce suspected you for months." You tell them.

"And you didn't?" Steve asks.

"Well I had no idea there was a werewolf mob until he brought up his suspicions but I had no reason to think he would make some shit like that up but he also didn't have a reason for assuming that it was you except that you were werewolves." You shrug.

"Okay, so now that we've covered the crime lord thing; thank you by the way, we can go back to that oh so long story about why you can't help being overly involved in y/n's life." Wanda says.

"Wanda, why are you trying to mediate a discussion here?" You sigh.

"I'm just asking the hard hitting questions that the people, me, wanna know." She shrugs.

"It doesn't really matter why they're stalking me Wanda just that they stop!" You say.

"Actually you might want to know because it's a werewolf thing." Bucky says.

"It's a werewolf thing?" You blink at him.

"The way werewolves pick partners is a bit different from the way humans do things y/n. I'm sure it seems a bit odd to you since you probably didn't learn about it growing up but our behavior is standard when your wolf has chosen a mate." Bucky says.

"Mates!? You don't know me! I don't know you!"

"It's strange to try and explain. Sometimes your wolf will take a long time to accept a mate, other times something will draw you to someone immediately." Steve says.

"What? Like love at first sight?"

"Actually I didn't see you initially, I heard your voice and for me, for my wolf that was it." Bucky says.

"For mine it was... your scent." Steve says awkwardly.

"So you heard and smelled me in a busy sub shop and that sold you?" You frown.

"What? No this was at the mall." Bucky says.

"We- never saw each other at the mall. The first time we met was at that sub shop. The whole radiance thing." You frown.

"The mystery gifts!" Wanda gasps.

"What?" You look at her.

"When we went shopping for my first date with Wes months ago and that lady gave you things that someone bought for you!"

"Holy shit was that you guys?! Did you seriously hear me talking in a mall and decided to impulse buy me things?!" You blink at them.

"Guilty." Bucky mumbles.

"Oh my god, this just gets weirder and weirder." You say.

"We're sorry y/n. Honestly, we should've considered that things we think are normal would be offputting to someone who is only just learning about lycanthropy, but we didn't know you didn't know at the time and we're just- so used to doing things our way, to us it's basically the default." Steve sighs.

"Steve, Bucky, here's the problem I have; you know so little about me. You don't know my favorite foods, my interests or hobbies, my goals in life, my passions, my quirks or irritations, none of it. You heard my voice or smelled me and some primal part of you decided to cling to that and I find it hard to be flattered that your infatuation with me is based on arbitrary superficial things I can't control. They say next to nothing about me as a person and even if this is normal to you I can't bring myself to be endeared by this near obsession with me when you didn't even choose it really. Like you don't know me so you don't actually like me."

"You're right." Steve nods.

"I know you're skeptical about us but, would it be too much to ask that you let us try this the human way? Go on a date with us, just one, we'll get to know each other the way you're used to and- if after that you never want to see us again, we'll understand." Bucky suggests.

"I-"

"Hold that thought! Boys I'm just gonna talk to her real quick. You guys can just- hang out here for the time being." Wanda interrupts you and shuts her front door.

"Wanda I promise they can still hear us through the door." You tell her. She shushes you and drags you into your room, waving her hand after you both enter. "What did you just do? Wolfproof this room?" You ask.

"Temporarily. Listen, two adonis-like men are basically begging for your attention. Why are you so against this?"

"Newsflash Wanda they've pretty much been stalking me for multiple months. Just because they're six feet tall and sound... the way that they sound does not mean that behavior isn't creepy."

"Would it make you feel better if I, picked their brains a bit?" Wanda suggests.

"You can do that?" You frown.

"Of course I can. If it would ease your anxieties."

"Isn't that kind of invasive?"

"Well, they've been watching you for some time now so I think this would just be leveling the playing field." Wanda shrugs.

"Fine. Do it." You nod. Wanda closes her eyes for a few minutes and you watch little red lines dance around her fingers until she eventually speaks again.

"Okay results are in, they are pure of heart. At least in regards to you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means they are still crime lords and I didn't dig into other things they may or may not be thinking. But they do genuinely seem to care about you- even if it did stem from some weird instinctual thing." She shrugs. "You're safe with them. So go on the date."

"I mean I did just throw away 3 years of my life does going on a date really seem like a good idea right now?"

"Oh come on these guys have been in and out of your mind for months now. It's one date, they're not asking you to marry them."

"Is the fact that they're both coming on to me kinda weird? Like I can't handle them turning it into a competition." You mutter.

"They don't seem to be competing with each other. But it's definitely something to bring up. On your date." Wanda says.

"It's amazing how lucky they are that your insane ass is my best friend." You roll your eyes as she pulls you down the hall back to the front door. When she opens it again Bucky and Steve look up immediately. You can tell they'd been having some sort of hushed conversation in the hall while they waited.

"One date. Next Friday. If either of you does any more weird shit you will never hear from me again, I will move if I have to. You guys can choose the place. Pick me up at 7 and don't be late." You say and shut the door but not before seeing their faces light up.

"We'll see you Friday!" Steve calls through the door and you listen to their eager chatter fade as they leave the apartment.

"I cannot believe you just gave straight up orders to two mob bosses. And they listened!" Wanda laughs.

"I can't believe you convinced me to go through with this date." You scoff.

"I think it's a good chance to forget about Bruce. You get to learn about them, and maybe the whole being a werewolf thing in general." She shrugs.

"I should call my mom. I'm going on a date with werewolves, she'll probably have some advice." You say rushing into your room. Every week it seems like your life changes so drastically. If you think about it too much your head starts to spin. But you know Wanda and your mom are with you every step and that makes all the changes a little easier to navigate.

***

Part 7/???

Tagged Users: @cjand10 @vicmc624 @mandijo17

#marvel fanfiction #marvel #stucky fanfic #stucky x reader #stucky fluff #stucky smut #stucky #stucky angst #werewolf bucky barnes #werewolf steve rogers #werewolf au #Just Let Me Adore You #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #steve rogers

[romanceandshenanigans]

Regency Romance Update: September 20th, 2023

Why does life stuff always happen all at once? Here I go and start to finally have some momentum on this thing and I spend the next several weeks spending my days off dealing family obligations and a root canal. I need a vacation in the woods for at least a week where I'm not expected to see anyone or do anything.

Anyway, exhausted rant about living under capitalism out of the way, the WIP.

I have gotten some more scenes half written in my notebook, but haven't had real time to transcribe and edit, so no telling how many new words I've got. Mostly I've just been jotting down ideas for scenes to go into the second act and draw out Finn and Juliana rebuilding their relationship.

So far I've got a scene where Juliana confront an Anti-Stradfordian and Finn basically has to pull her out of the room before she tears the man's throat out. The use of dance to reflect the state of Juliana and Finn's relationship. A scene where Juliana dresses as a man for a play and Finn clocks how much more comfortable she is in men's clothing. Need at least one scene with Finn coming out of a lake. And plenty of back and forth between them fixing the play together.

I've also decided Finn is working on a drama, which he is not having a good time with since most of the stuff he writes are comedies with a guaranteed happy ending. Queue discussions on Finn's pessimism towards happy endings in real life vs. Juliana's fundamental belief that at the end of the day the universe will look after her.

In general I've got a better sense of the internal progression of both characters. In any given scene Juliana is running the gambit of human emotion meanwhile Finn is so consistent in his pining he's reached a state of zen.

Oh, and I'm finally starting on some spicy scenes, as a treat.

Thanks for your patience y'all. Here's a snippet for your troubles.

He turned his head to find Jules engaged in some conversation with Robert.

She was in costume, full men's attire from her well worn boots to the working man's cap on her head. The sleeves of her loose fitted linen shirt were rolled up the elbows while the dark green vest hung confidently undone. Her hair was hidden from view, buried under the cap so not a stray curl escaped. These were simple tricks he had seen countless times on a number of actresses, but never had the image rendered him so in awe.

More than the clothes themselves, she held herself differently. He knew her to be naturally athletic, something she often hid with careful movement and the compulsion to make herself smaller. Now she allowed herself to stand tall. Her weight wasn't being pulled up by some invisible string but allowed to sit on her bones be be part of her. The curves of her body were strategically hidden while her lips and eyes allowed just the peak of her femininity. He was left with the impression of an androgynous youth ready to lead him to the nearest glen and never be seen again. He'd follow her gladly.

taglist below the cut

@clairelsonao3, @auroramagpie, @janec23, @steh-lar-uh-nuhs

#author update #regency romance #snippet #writeblr #romance writer #romance writing #romance #writers on tumblr #original writing #original romance #original characters #juliana hamilton #michael finnegan smith #wip: untitled regency romance

[tenta-cute]

Billy Lore From 'Runaway Max': Chapter 10

I live... Sorta. Not gonna lie, friends, it's difficult to make myself read this book when I have like thirty tabs of red hot Harringrove romance open on my tablet.

This chapter has quite a bit of stuff. It very briefly touches upon the racism thing. Also, some domestic abuse in this chapter. It's mostly Hawkins with some San Diego flashbacks mixed in.

Spoilers and lore under the cut!

The chapter starts with Max leaving Lucas behind and approaching Billy, who is leaning against his car. We get this scene where Billy grabs Max's wrists and tells her there are people out there that should be avoided.

He wants to know who Max talked with, what Lucas wanted, and also asks if he's causing problems for Max.

Max knows that Neil has many things to say about anyone who is not a white male Lutheran and assumes (emphasis mine) that Billy is the same.

Neil is not "openly" racist. He always claims it's about property value or crime rates or a million other keywords thanks to which he doesn't have to openly state who he is really talking about.

Billy has a history of making fun of Max's friends or interests and insulting her.

What she finds even worse is that sometimes Billy acts as if he and Max were in on some big secret together, as if they understand one another. As if he is actually concerned for her. Max believes he doesn't care for her and only acts that way sometimes to piss her off.

Ever since the Halloween night, the atmosphere in the house is very tense. While they used to be pretty angry at one another back in San Diego, they haven't been as openly hostile there.

Max realizes it's because Billy used to almost never be home back in San Diego, but in Hawkins he has a lot of free time. He started to fill it with parties, girls, and the baseball team, but all girls have curfews and the parties are rare.

Neil acts according to his routine: he leaves house in the morning and returns after 5PM. He ruffles Max's hair and buys Susan flowers. Underneath it all he's clearly ready to explode, though.

Max is hypervigilant around them, because if Billy fights with Neil he will take it out on her.

One morning Billy and Neil have a weird-ass confrontation during breakfast, lol. Billy picks up a carton of orange juice from the table and a moment later Neil reaches for it too. Billy doesn't let go. They end up quietly wrestling over it? And then Neil pulls hard enough that his elbow knocks Susan's sugar bowl to the ground, chipping it in the process.

Max finds this somewhat symbolic. She also mentions that she's been collecting signs of danger for the past seven months.

Max is not afraid of blood. She's played street hockey and tends to be pretty accident-prone with her skateboard, not to mention she loves slasher movies.

The first time she sees Neil assault Billy was in San Diego. Billy was driving in Mission Valley and was pulled over by cops.

Once Neil learns of this he goes all quiet, cold, and calm.

The scene starts with Max, Susan and Billy in the house. Max is cleaning parts of her skateboard. Billy is standing in front of the fridge and drinking milk straight from the carton, which he does because Susan hates it.

Billy is generally rude and disrespectful towards Susan.

Neil arrives, crumples up the ticket, and throws it at Billy, claims Billy is being irresponsible.

Max notes that the atmosphere in the house has been tense since that day Billy offered her a cigarette.

Max is initially shocked when Neil punches Billy.

Susan doesn't give a fuck. When Max looks to her, expecting her to step in, Susan reacts like she didn't see anything and keeps reading her magazine.

Another punch makes Billy stumble and hit a shelf. A mug falls off and shatters on the ground. Susan doesn't even look up.

Max suddenly realizes that Susan is not surprised at all by what's going on. She's horrified by the fact that her mother doesn't consider Neil's physical abuse a reason enough to leave him.

Billy manages to stand up, but he's unsteady on his feet. His lip is bleeding and his face is starting to swell. Neil tells him he's gonna teach him about responsibility and respect.

Susan leaves the room.

Neil beats Billy with a belt. When he does so, his eyes lose focus and it's like he doesn't even see Billy anymore.

Max is horrified and keeps expecting Neil to realize she's there and stop beating Billy up, but Neil doesn't care. He doesn't even seem to register she's there.

Billy is completely resigned to his fate. He doesn't make a sound and doesn't try to avoid the belt. In his eyes anger is mixed with fear and helplessness. He reminds Max of a stray dog she once saw in a dogcatcher's truck.

Right before Neil is about to start, Max tries to intervene and yells at him to stop. Neil just looks at her, smiles, and turns back to Billy to ask if this is how he raised him, to be a loser who needs a little girl to protect him. His tone is so full of disgust that it almost makes Max tear up.

Neil is not in a hurry. As he's beating Billy up, Max feels completely helpless. After he's done, Neil leaves the kitchen without a word.

Billy stays on the ground, kneeling on the floor. He doesn't say anything. After the silence becomes too much to bear, Max kneels down on the floor next to Billy and asks him if he's okay.

Billy seems completely empty when he tells Max to leave him alone. When she offers to bring him some ice, he looks up at her with hatred in his eyes that Max believes is directed at her. He snaps his teeth at her like a dog and snarls at her, once telling her to leave him alone. His voice is horrible, like a wild animals, and this time Max listens to him.

Impressions:

Oh man...

So, right off the bat we have confirmation that Neil is hella racist. Billy being racist is an assumption Max makes based on what kind of person his dad is, as well as the way he reacts to Lucas. Honestly, personally I think internalized bigotry is totally flavor of the month for Billy (alas, this might be a bit of a projection of my own experiences with extremely racist parents). That said, I think this part can definitely also support the popular theory that Billy wanted to keep Lucas away from Max because of Neil's bullshit? It was mentioned in earlier chapters that when it comes to politics and ideology Neil fully demands his household to follow his opinions and does not tolerate differing views. It's pretty clear that Billy is nothing like his father and doesn't want anything to do with him. It doesn't sound unreasonable to assume that his own views might be different than those of his father, even if he still enforces them for the sake of his own safety.

There is no doubt whatsoever about whether or not Max and Susan were aware of the abuse. They both know. Apparently Neil doesn't care about the audience.

This chapter was pretty heartbreaking when it comes to showcasing just how absolutely isolated Billy is in his situation and how strongly conditioned he is to believe that nobody can help him. First there's Susan driving the point home entirely on her own by completely ignoring physical abuse that is happening literally in front of her, but what's even worse is the way Neil instantly uses Max's attempt to help against Billy, in this case by trying to make him feel pathetic and ashamed for being defended by a little girl. Billy is literally taught that people trying to help him are only going to make it worse.

Like... damn, no wonder that kid is messed up. He's sad, he's scared, he's lonely, and he has no hope for things ever getting better. The fact that he didn't get his redemption arc is a crime. I once again reject canon and aggressively embrace fanfiction which gives Billy a happy ending.

#billy hargrove #harringrove #mungrove #harringroveson #keg boys #billy in runaway max #st fanfiction writing resource

[ginnyn]

So, Donbros vs Zenkai. It wasn't what I was expecting, but at the same time that doesn't mean it was "bad". It wasn't a traditional VS movie, but it was a VS movie at the end.

What I call a traditional VS movie changes around time but is usually an Extended Episode of a Super Sentai with the team of last year been there as special guests. Sometimes they have interactions, sometimes they don't, but at least some sort of pairing happens in the battle, which is at the end fan service part of this whole thing. And, in all honestly, who watches Super Sentai VS movies not for the fanservice? (Magi vs Deka have Wolzard and DekaMaster pointing each other with their swords for a solid minute only because they need to fulfill their fanservice quota).

Donbros vs Zenkai don't do that. I truly don't know why, honestly. The teams been too different do not feel to me like a good excuse, but whatever the reason, they decided the VS of the title is going to be something different this time.

Both parts, the Zenkai part and the Donbros part have basically the same plot: The Tsuika (Both also happen to be Gold) go mad with greed and power thanks to a... reference to them in the show. In the case of the Pirates, Kachiwa Mochi World was the enemy from the episode No. 9-kai! World Pirates, Pleasant Twokai!, the episode in which the whole Pirate Family is properly introduced, while Don 20: High Nose Elegy, the episode from where the Donbros part takes most of its cues, its the episode in which Jirou transform himself for the first time into Don Torabolt (You know, the real Jirou). The VS now means how the same plot is radically interpreted different by the different series, just based into their themes and the characters.

The Pirate Family goes full on fascist dictatorship, basically conquering the world just to satisfy their own desires and abusing of the Kachiwa Mochi World power, despite they are also affected. They establish one single type of Kachiwa Mochi can be prepared, and there before everyone must conform to this new status quo. And the Zenkaiger cannot live in a world in which uniformity is the status quo.

Because this is the same thing the Tojitendo did. Anyone who didn't conform to their standard was lesser and conforming to those standards for them is extremely difficult, to the point of impossible. Heck, the fact Hakaizer was coerced into working for Zocks is another reference to the Tojitendo, who did the same.

But that´s the point, controlling others thru cruelty, and the Zenkaiger, especially the Kikainoids are acutely aware of that. That's why the plan end up been introducing actual diversity (In Kachiwa Mochi, but still), which introduced kindness back to the people, which introduced a bit of rebellion into the system, and, you know, they are the kind of people who are going to rebel, even if they know the consequences. Why? Because they cannot not do that. Conforming or trying to do it, it will be concede that they are not worth how they are and they know that's wrong. So never again.

This is why the Zenkaiger are evergreen for stories, because there always bullies who want to impose their only way of life, and the Zenkaiger who will say no, as many times as needed.

The Donbros meanwhile are very comfortable in their status quo. Of course, they don't live in a comically oppressive robo/pirate dictatorship, but at the same time they aren't the ones to stop and truly think much about what its happening. Jirou, trying to keep his grip on the Donbros, have got into giving them gifts, since now somehow he has ton of money. The idea is to keep them happy and obedient by giving them what they think they desire, and since neither of them are truly that introspective they haven't caught up to that yet.

The Sono Trio have though.

The three of them serve as comparison points for the story, showing how much uglier and cruel and self important and sad their personalities have become, continually calling them out and trying to confront them so they could see the problem, but, as the series have shown time and time again, the Donbros will prefer to keep a blind eye to the truth unless they are forced into watch it. So Tarou has to come back.

Tarou, as a good red, has the ability to make people confront the truth and help them change, on purpose or not and, as an extreme circumstance, only a tragedy was able to make them realize their own faults and back to the road of their actual happiness.

I hope you already noted, one the main differences between Zenkaiger and Donbros is from where the conflict actually comes from: For the Zenkaiger is always from outside, a world so hostile which hates them just for existing and the continuous fight to demonstrate to that world, or at least to themselves, that the world is wrong and they have value, while for the Donbros is from inside, personalities with that one fatal flaw which handicap their capability to see the forest from the trees, unless they are confronted with extreme circumstances, which sometimes are literal tragedies.

So, this is Donbros vs Zenkai, two series which you give them basically the same plot idea and end up doing something completely different. But, at the same time, both are Super Sentai, so both end in the same place anyway: In the Toei Barren Lands, doing a roll call with a ton of explosions.

I really love this movie, despite is not what I was expecting, to put it mildly. Yeah, the fanservice side (The main dish of a normal VS movie) is lacking, but they just did some of the best two episodes of their respective series back to back, so, if you love either series (Or both like I do), you own to yourself to watch it.

#avataro sentai donbrothers #avataro sentai donbrothers vs zenkaiger #kikai sentai zenkaiger

[cerenemuxse]

More Humanized T&F stuff with more peeps. It just tidbits this time.

Edit (3/19/2024): OUTDATED

tw/cw: mentions of transphobia, foster care / adoption

Rebecca is an English-born Indonesian. She's a pan demi-woman, and their pronouns are she/her and they/them (the latter also applies to EoSR!). She works in a school, as a school official (the ones who keep an eye on the school grounds but not the police), and latter as a counselor. They may be buff and strong but she has feelings. 😭 They is quite tall, taller than 5'6". She married Gordon in her thirties, who they met at the school they works at.

Gordon became the new principal when Rebecca had been at the school for a couple years. There were rumors going around the school that she picked up from a few students that they often speaks to. These rumors claimed that Gordon had been stripped from his previous job as a principal at another school and went under a different name. This was all false when Rebecca confronted him about it, which was their first private interaction. They has met him before but that was in group meetings.

Gordon is the oldest and only living brother of Scott (Flying Scotsman), though he's slightly shorter stature makes it seem like he's the youngest. He would take it as a compliment if Scott didn't rub it in his face though. All I have is that he's British or at least has lighter skin. 💃 He's also demiromantic straight. That's about it. Rebecca probably calls him some cat related nickname because of his face. (HE LOOKS LIKE A CAT, A PATHETIC ONE AT THAT. ESPECIALLY HIS MODEL ERA FACES)

Speaking of siblings, Emily and James aren't biological siblings. Emily's parents adopted James after his parents abandoned him and was taken to an orphanage, having been to two foster homes. He's much better now. I'm saying this rn because they're both black. Emily is a black British aroace cis-woman and James is a French-born Moroccan bisexual man. He hates his parents with a burning passion, who tried coming back into his life. Emily is 8 years older than him.

James loves doing drag. He's not letting anyone stop him. He also loves fashion, especially making it, which has led him to chase his dream of becoming a fashion designer. It's a very long journey but he knows he'll get there. Good for him! <3 Oh, and he does crotchet! He's been doing it since he was adopted. Mock him and you can expect him to start throwing shit. Don't disturb the crotecheting Jimmy. He also listens to Lizzo, Corneille, and Stromae religiously because I said so. But what James currently works as? Probably a bartender at a bar or cafe. Not much, but he's trying. :'D

Emily and Edward are childhood best friends, somewhat starting off as pen pals after Edward's family moved to back to Scotland for a couple years. In their teen years, Edward or Emily would make trips to visit each other. James heard and saw him but he never got to talk to him.

Speaking of Edward, when he came out, he believed his parents were supportive. The way they acted was becoming questionable up until he left. One day he tries calling them and he finds out his number was blocked. He tried numerous times before contacting his siblings, who tell him the truth. His parents were supportive on the outside just so they could get rid of him sooner. He feels very confused about it. Like aye, but naw? His parents haven't contacted him ever since he left to be on his own. He's still in contact with his siblings, starting a private Instagram to share stuff with them only.

How James and Edward met? I don't know. 🧍‍♀️Edward is 7 years older than James. In the old AU, they would've gotten married this year, which is my graduation year! :D My best friend pointed this out in a conversation the other day which I thought was pretty cute. It was not intentional.

Edward is also a white gay Scottish transman. He had top surgery and took hormone medication for a while. Edward is what I would consider an androgynous man, neither masculine not feminine, or he's a mixture of both. In this case, he's both. He wears whatever like James does. They'd probably wear dresses the same day because why not. Also his hair is red/ginger. 💃

I think that's it. These thoughts wouldn't leave me alone. 💀

#ttte rebecca #ttte gordon #ttte flying scotsman #ttte emily #ttte james #ttte edward #ttte shipping #ttte edward x james #ttte gordon x rebecca #a dozen years #her train of thoughts #buff rebecca >>>>> #immediately saw her and said GIANT BUFF WOMAN #apologies if her hip looks weird ;-; #let me know if you want me to explain the green version! #or ask me anything about them :] #EoSR but humans #tw transphobia #cw transphobia #transphobes #tw adoption #tw foster care #opposite cardinals

[juggling-responsibilities]

Act 1, Part 4 - Village People

With cursory introductions out of the way, my new guides have brought me to their village. It is a village of nothing but neathers, mongrel descendants of the first crusaders, which as I understand it was roughly a hundred years ago? Maybe less? The Worldwound is surprisingly not that old, all things considered, but it's had a massive impact here in Mendev. And mongrels don't live very long, either, so there have been several generations since.

With the reception Lann and Wenduag gave me, of course, that would mean we'd be welcomed, right? Or at the very least, not killed and eaten.

Frankly, I wouldn't blame them for killing and eating us. The surface folk haven't really treated them as anything other than monsters and tales to scare their children with.

Interestingly enough, the dialogue box pops open not for dialogue, but rather for internal, second-person narration.

Your first impression of the mongrel village is of a squalid dump, with the odors to match. Unblinking, glowing eyes watch you from the gloom, and deformed shadows slope between the huts. You see some mongrels gutting white, eyeless fish, while others are repairing fishing nets - all the signs of normal village life, but tense expectation hangs in the air.

It's a fascinating glimpse of this, a lake-side fishing village, but rather than being lit by the setting sun, there are the purples, blues, and greens of the bioluminescent cave fungi, and the torches and campfires that likely must remain lit around the clock. It is at once dreary and hopeful, the bonfire against the darkness, of community huddled together, taking what they have available to them and patchworking it together into something that might look unpleasant, but absolutely works. Just like those that live there.

Welcome to Neathholm.

Upon our arrival, we are taken directly to Chief Sull, the elderly and ratlike leader of the village.

He opines that if uplanders are down here, the End Times must be upon them at last - the End Times either meaning their doom, or the prophecy of the mongrels returning to the Mendevian Crusades against the Worldwound. Either way would mean the destruction of their society as they know it, and he is naturally wary of all of this.

Lann, of course, wastes no time.

🦎: "Chief Sull! We found the angel's sword! And we found the one who can wield it." Lann points at you. "She had a vision and now the angel's sword, together with the Light of Heaven, are somehow... inside her. Gather the tribe! Anyone who can hold a weapon. The young ones are still alive, we can go save them!"

This is what I was dreading. There's a dialogue option that delays this confrontation, and I'm going to mash my mouse cursor into it as hard as I can.

🪓: "Is there someone else from the surface here?" 🐀: "There he ish. Hale and hearty and prim as a peacock. Jusht like me. Sh'not good. Too many uplanders - sh'not good, sh'not right. What are you up to here? You're not one of us, we're not your kind. When the time comes, we'll come to you. Not you to ush."

And that's also true - the stories passed down say that the walls in the Shield Maze will fall and the mongrels will be able to rise to the surface, not that the surface will fall to them.

There are three options left. One is to deny to the chief that any magical sword will even help them, but that feels too mean to me. Another is the one I usually take, the Lawful coded option to [Reveal the Light of Heaven] and show that Lann speaks the truth.

But the poll was the poll. And while you can still be nice to Lann here and still choose Wenduag later, I feel like it would go against the spirit to do that just to save Lann's feelings. Besides, Wenduag's not entirely wrong here - it would be a lot easier for a small group to slip in unnoticed than to arm the entire village and storm the Shield Maze, potentially endangering even more lives. Wenduag is the only one who's been through the Shield Maze and made it back alive, after all, so when she says she can get us through and rescue the kids the sneaky way, it isn't necessarily a bad plan. On paper, at least, and assuming she isn't lying to us.

But... then I would have to be mean to Lann. And I really don't want to be mean to Lann.

Fuck. The internet has spoken, and they want me to take the spiderkitten who thinks of nothing but murder all day. Might as well go all-in.

🪓: (Chaotic) "Lann is mistaken. We didn't find the sword."

🦎: "Why are you doing this?" 🕷: "Doing what? Telling the truth?" 🪓: "I don't want the blood of gullible mongrels on my hands." 🦎: "So now instead, we'll both have the blood of young mongrels on our hands - kids waiting for help that'll never come. Everybody around me said that they didn't want to go anywhere or save anyone, but I didn't believe them. I always have to take things further than anybody else, isn't that right, Chief?"

And there it is. You can see the moment his heart rips in two, Lisa. We've crushed not only his hopes that not only could he use a symbol of the crusade to rescue his clanmates, but that I was someone he could trust. But now I've called him a liar and shown him to be a fool in front of his chief, and though he falls silent to watch us carefully, he won't forget what we did.

🕷: "You made the right choice. It was the lesser of two evils. And now - rest, so we can be at our best when we go into the maze. I promised to lead you to the surface, and I will."

Sticking around a bit to chat with Chief Sull, I learn some more about the mongrels and their role with the crusades. Turns out it's not just Lann - the mongrels really do believe that there will be a sign to rise to the surface to join the fight, when the Shield Maze falls and the way to the surface opens, but that it's not something they should seek out; it will happen when it happens.

Of course, it may not be a commonly-held belief that they should wait until the walls fall to try to make their way through. Lann and Wenduag both agree on that point, even if they differ on both the means and the intent - Lann thinks it's their duty to be crusaders now, and Wenduag wants to go to the surface for her own purposes.

Chief Sull also gives us some interesting information about Lann and Wenduag. Namely that Lann used to live up on the surface, which is why he feels like he doesn't belong underground with the rest of his clan. And that Wenduag is a role model whether she wants to be or not - all the other mongrels look up to her and listen to her.

🪓: "I'm going to enter the Maze with Wenduag."

The implication here, of course, being that Chief Sull is Wenduag's father, or at least someone who considers himself to be a father figure. I know I said I'm going to avoid looking up the original Adventure Path, as this game should be self-contained with all the explanation needed to fully enjoy it without any outside knowledge (and I will be judging it as such) but I did look it up and while Wenduag is his daughter there, she might not be here? Something I look forward to exploring later when we go through her companion quests.

Though I will say that I'm going to impose another rule on myself now, which is not to look up anything else from the Adventure Path at all, until the eventual point I decide to change my mind about it later.

That said, let's go for Level 2. Y'all are horny for numbers so let's talk about my build. As I said earlier, I'm cannibalizing a throwing axe build usually made for Wenduag, but making some tweaks to account for the fact that I A: will probably be going for 40 levels due to taking the Legend mythic path (more on that later) and B: wanted to take a pet because fuck it, I like having a pet in these games. So with that in mind, my second level is in Rogue (Thug).

I know the portrait looks nothing like me. There was nothing in the default and I didn't want to use one of the portrait packs on the Nexus because there's no guarantee they won't be A: stolen or B: AI stolen, which normally wouldn't matter for playing by myself (right-click save for your personal games, who gives a shit) but ethically is not a good idea for something I'm sharing. Even if I'm not making money off this, it's not a good idea to use some artist's work for something I'm writing for other people without their consent.

In any case, Chief Sull lets us know there's a tent we can rest at before we head out to the Shield Maze, so we make our way through the village. On the way we meet back up with Anevia, who has found the other uplander that fell down and managed to find shelter at Neathholm.

To be entirely honest, I don't know if life could do anything to this man worse than being named Horgus Gwerm.

I'll spare you the subsequent bluster. Teal dear, he's the richest man in Kenabres. Woe is him, he funded the festival and now he's down here, et cetera. Though he does seem to be a bit less up his own ass than I would expect of a wealthy merchant.

💰: "But they turned out to be decent chaps. Frightening to look at, but able to keep a bargain." 🪓: "You don't speak very kindly of the mongrels, even though they saved your life!" 💰: "Pah. Kind words are for people with hours to fritter away on pleasantries. Horgus Gwerm speaks his mind - and he pays for services rendered not with kind words but with hard coin. I gave my mongrels my dagger in exchange for their help - its handle is worth more than their whole village."

Slightly less up his own ass than I was expecting. Only slightly.

He seems to have some connection to Camellia, sneaking glances at her, and she's quick to back him when he asks to hire us out to guide him back to the city. Especially since he's offering a thousand gold pieces upon successful arrival back to the surface, which a quick successful Diplomacy check bumps up to two thousand. Cash on delivery, of course - we need to get him to his funds first before he can make a withdrawal.

What? Don't look at me like that. He just said that he'd rather give someone money than platitudes. I'm taking him at his word.

With that he goes over to a table near the closest campfire and starts bickering with Anevia.

💰: "This tragedy may not have happened if you'd spent less time surveilling honest citizens and more time tracking the real spies and demon worshippers!" 🕵️‍♀️: "Brilliant idea. How come I didn't think of it? Now if only the cultists would tell us they were cultists... Then we wouldn't have to waste time investigating honest citizens who decide to go all cloak and dagger right under our noses!"

Gwerm despairs that the city might already be flattened, while Anevia points out that Nerosyan is not terribly far - there's an entire army ready to march if Deskari decides to stick around longer.

The real interesting part is how they reacted to the mongrels - Anevia says that if she'd known they were down here, she'd have tried to bring them up to the city long ago - the descendants of the first crusaders should be honored, not forgotten. Gwerm points out that Prelate Hulrun would have had them all executed, which is definitely further proof that Hulrun is a lot harsher than he probably needs to be.

Level-ups completed, gear sold and updated at the mongrel shopkeep (who has a throwing axe, but only one, so I won't be dual-wielding those any time soon), we settle down for the night. It's not long before Wenduag wakes me up - she wants to head out in the dead of night, leave Lann behind, and try to push through without leaving a trace.

🪓: "Are we still going to save the missing mongrels?" 🕷: "What? Oh, them... they're probably dead already, but if we meet anyone on the way, we won't just walk on by. At the end of the day, they are of the tribe."

Definitely reinforcing my decision to go with you and not get the kids killed, Wenduag. Certainly not suspicious at all.

I'm not entirely certain how much of what she's telling me is something she actually believes. Not being able to meet my eyes when she speaks is definitely a narrative flag of lying, or at least of internal struggles with the truth. And yes, I know that's an extremely neurotypical and allistic read of the situation, but narrative conventions are made from neurotypical and allistic standpoints and I'm going off those out of sheer probability. They're flagging for Wenduag definitely not being the good choice (on the good vs evil axis), and mechanically she's chaotic evil to Lann's lawful good, but also she didn't have to say this.

Is she saying it because it's what she thinks I want to hear, or is it because it's something she actually believes? Time will tell.

Next time: The Shield Maze!

[hussyknee]

The most coherent way anyone's ever explained capital-A acceptance to me is "acknowledging something and, if you can't change it, living with it - without necessarily liking, endorsing or even condoning it". Saying "this is the state of the world" instead of living in denial. But if that's not enough to be Acceptance either then what is Acceptance?

I think what you're describing is a kind of acceptance, but might also mean co-existence and tolerance. But I also feel it leaves room to fall into simple resignation and passivity. True acceptance focuses on yourself in relation to a situation. No, you can't change other people, but that doesn't mean your needs and agency and feelings stop mattering. That means you have to really engage with the situation and do some soul searching and fact-finding.

Now if you don't really feel like going that deep into your issue, then it's obviously not really something that concerns you a lot. Which is fine! It's great! But it also means you should maybe avoid becoming unnecessarily embroiled in it and forming judgements, because you're clearly neither a stakeholder nor very informed. It's very freeing to accept that "I don't need to feel any way about this" or like you said, "it is what it is" and step away. That's also a very healthy acceptance! You can then focus on the things that really matter to you.

However, if it really does bother or impact you a lot, you have to ask yourself these questions:

What exactly are the factors and problems in this situation that are causing me distress?

How does it impact me directly?

How does it impact me indirectly?

Is my reaction proportionate to the the way it currently impacts me, or am I reliving what happened in the past? Am I threatened by a future possibility that may or may not come to pass?

Is this situation tenable for me to confront every day, or at the frequency I currently do?

If it's untenable for me, what boundaries can I put in place to mitigate its impact on my health and sense of safety?

What things have I or others tried to change and failed? How did we try to change them?

What possibilities haven't I explored, or been biased against exploring?

What are the least changes and impacts I can make to improve the situation for myself?

What are the least changes and impacts I can make to improve the situation for others?

What things might be in my power to change somewhere down the line?

Having explored all of these, what expectations about the immediate future seem realistic?

Most importantly, you cannot predict the future accurately from the past or present. You can't think "I never had this before, clearly it's not in the cards for me ever". Predictions are simply best guesses that are limited to our experience, or what we know of. It might be an objective statistic or it might just be your own confirmation bias, but either way, nothing is set in stone, nothing is absolute. It's a sure-fire way to burn out and give up or just get madder and bitterer and more reactive.

The only thing that matters is how you can respond to the present, the right here and right now, the things right in front of you. This hour, this place, this person, this day. And then the next one. And the next one. That is acceptance. That is clarity.

#acceptance #dbt #dialectical behavior therapy #radical acceptance #mindfulness #therapy #actually cptsd #trauma recovery #social justice #activism #maladaptive coping #depression #anxiety #trauma therapy #asks #anon #knee of huss

[icharchivist]

i made it to the end of chapter 13!! thought this would be a good place to send in an ask, since masumi had his whole deal and the play script was finally revealed! going chronologically as always ^^

wasn't sure as to why ch 6 would be called mr.cellophane and then the moment tsuzuru got frustrated with how he couldn't get a handle on chikage it clicked for me immediately like ohhhh!! like that song chikage purposefully sort of tries to make himself have a bit of mild indistinct atmosphere... that sort of wanting to fade into the background is definitely something new for tsuzuru, since I don't think anyone else in mankai company is like that. i was cheering tsuzuru on for his writer's block but also thinking to myself "man... i haven't written in while" ahah... i felt guilty which is why i'm pausing at chapter 13 instead of going further... i'll be using that time to write a bit. thinking back on the previous chapters, chikage says he's a big fan of spicy stuff but he doesn't even talk to izumi seriously about curry!! she asks him about his favorite spices and he lies about eating the ultimate curry. i mean i figured he'd be shifty because no way would they do the chika-usa reveal so early (side note: i figured the bunny thing was like! i just saw chikage with bunny ears for the year of the rabbit promo a3 is doing rn haha) but like even with just that he really doesn't say much about his interests or anything.

speaking of chikage and izumi, when masumi left them alone and everyone commented how weird that was, i scribbled down in my notes: "did chikage come up to him and be like. I don’t like women. I’m gay." mostly as a joke so to THEN get confronted with the line "don’t touch me. I don’t like women, and I don’t want one touching me. got it?” i. i. well i was pretty on the nose there huh. that scene did NOT go how i thought it would go, though, i was 100% expecting izumi to get pinned to the wall like how it went with hisoka, not for chikage to be startled! i love how chikage's voice did its classic like octave drop (i know it's probably not an actual octave, i can't hear pitches personally but it's my way of decribing a dramatic voice shift) when he was like. dont touch me. that was so good. however masumi being like "i don't think you have to worry about that" interests me SO MUCH because it's like. masumi. masumi did chikage come up to you and tell you this? did u try to intimidate him first and then he said that to you? did u just vibe check him immediately? who knows.

the moment ch 7's title read "thicker than water" i IMMEDIATELY was like "oh! oh! it's masumi's parents" i was... mostly right, in that i'd imagined they were calling him because they decided to stop being neglectful for .2 seconds and wanted their son OUT of that theatre troupe, but... that wasn't the exact case, since first of all, the calls masumi had been declining were not his parents but rather his father's secretary, which is like, even sadder, because its like. oh. that guy can't even be bothered to call himself for something so important? I'm glad that masumi let izumi stay for that conversation--I think as like, a teenager talking to, yknow, his dad's secretary... that's not really a situation where it's easy to stand up for yourself. it's good to have someone in your corner, which izumi fiercely and fully is! i thought it was a nice detail how nonchalant masumi was about his parent's divorce. like. yeah. he probably saw it coming. when suga went "you are still a minor. mr.usui is concerned about you living alone without a parental figure for so long." i was ready to stab him though. like oH YOU JUST REALIZED? WOW. and the way he just absolutely steamrolls over everything izumi says it's really like. wow fuck you. i loved how all of spring troupe (sans chikage) leapt out to defend him though. i thought that was so sweet. sakuya especially!!! being able to say out loud like. even if that is masumis dad that’s a horrible way to treat your son! yes! acknowledge it!! now turn that to yourself! like sakuya has had such... uncaring guardians over the years that i imagine this in particular would be pretty tough for him to see happen.

i really liked masumi and izumi's conversation about the whole thing later like. it kind of puts the whole "wow masumi's such a cool and popular high schooler!" thing in context like oh his family is... wealthy but also masumi wants to be like a good kid. so he'll do his best to get good grades and do well at sports... which i imagine inevitably puts him in the unwanted limelight. it was also pretty chillign to see masumi, who i thnk of as... kind of brat? refusing to even fully vocalize what he wants because he's so used to being like. i need to listen to my parents. wow. he and sakuya should really sit down and talk about what being a "good kid" even means. bc all he needs to do is listen to his parents… and the way the voice progresses from calm and level to breaking a little to getting fully emotional? so well done. tried to inject a little levity in the situation by reminding myself the same VA voices ramuda but it didn't work lol. i really liked how here it was clear that this whole situation for him was about EVERYONE like his line of “if I fight back, it might come around to hurt the mankai company” is very telling like. ah. it's about theatre. it's about every single person in here.

i cheered when tsumugi showed up!! i was just thinking to myself like “no WONDER masumi was telling tsumugi his grandma was the only person he liked” and the bam! tsumugi here to try and track down hatsue. so good of him and once again… if people hadn’t gone through that event how would’ve that been? speaking of hatsue, she was so sweet… she was just like. So happy to hear about masumi, and then gave the entire found family argument i was just WAITING for someone to make, which was very nice. not to crib from the nocturnality quote again, but I really felt like I was seeing the development of “the spring troupe is like a family” (nocturnality) to “the spring troupe IS a family” (here). that was so good. and then literally how the whole of mankai company chases masumi to the airport! even chikage, though he declines at first…

i realize why they never bring it up but i think it’s so fun that they’ve got Famous Actor tenma sumeragi just like, frantically running around the airport with just 2 15 and 20 year olds??? it was nice to see masumi get so emotional after izumi declares that they’re all family, though! I was so happy! and again the voice acting in this scene is so good… it really sells everything more than any of the sprite expressions. I think it’s absolutely crazy we didn’t get a single cg for ANYTHING in this whole week of masumi almost leaving. and hatsue showing up to save the day was nice. the music there too! so dramatic and so fun. i’m glad masumi and his dad got to talk, but personally i’m still pissed off at him for… everything. but i hope those two work things out nonetheless. it does make me wonder how masumi’s mother factors into everything, though…? like even pre-divorce she just seems like a total Non-Existence in masumi’s life. hatsue is related to masumi by his dad, too… i think it would’ve been nice to see something on that other side.

um, and then… and then… *longsuffering sigh* i liked this entire arc so much when i was reading through the chapters, for sure. i think it was very good at showing that masumi cared for like, more than just izumi, even though izumi definitely centered a lot in it. I think it was a very good depiction of like, a kid putting on a brave face and trying to protect the people he loves, with masumi leaving early but still like, promising that he’ll come back and everything. but like, the moment everything’s solved, he immediately is like “i can’t believe you proposed!” to izumi which not only is blatantly misunderstanding izumi’s feelings but also very like… it felt almost mean-spirited to me? like… we just made this huge deal of like. oh masumi this is your family. and izumi even says like. that she wants to take care of him as his guardian? and it felt almost like he was deliberately stepping over like her actual. sincere and important feelings. and then the way like. he immediately made her uncomfortable and then sakyo had to like run into the scene and put a stop to it? that made me so mad. like yeah. sakyo is right. get a hold of yourself. i understand that masumi likes izumi, but whenever he’s forceful about it’s so… it really left a sour taste in my mouth! like i loved seeing him be like yeah i fed tsuzuru protein bars bc he wasn’t eating properly since its like oh good. he’s really acknowledging tsuzuru as family, too, but then i kept thinking back to that scene and getting mad, because it wasn’t a scene that was funny OR sweet it was just weird! and bad! I’m still broken up about it because i really wanted to like, yknow… like masumi more. and i did for so much of this! and then it was really just like… yeah.

sigh. onwards to chikage earning his villain lines. i do like how his voice sounds here—it’s lower but more pleasant, striking a nice mix between the two extremes we’ve seen so far. I was just but wow, the “I was just thinking about how to tear up your precious little family” that’s really… a line. I’d tell chikage to reexamine what he was saying only it’s like. “The Organization thinks you’re dead, you know. Now what would happen to this theatre troupe of yours if I told them that you survived by betraying us?” considering he’s part of this shady as hell evil Organization… i do not think he minds if he sounds a little evil. and the DISTRESS conveyed in the … lines that make up hisoka’s response! but hisoka… literally why have u not spoken to anyone about this. what the fuck. I love seeing the little flashbacks, but i wonder if hisoka is seeing them too? like, is he regaining his memory in pieces? speaking of, that newest flashback… i’m pretty sure the guy who’s being all nitpicky is april, and i love that even back then, marshmallows and hisoka sleeping and going off alone was a theme even pre-amnesia. august mentioning testing a serum he created, though… creepy. what a shady place these three work for. the flash forward to the moon and then the feeling of what i assume was august’s dying body in hisoka’s arms… that got me. I can’t wait to know the full story of that, especially since the idea of “betrayal” is something that can be interpreted very differently for different people.

despite hisoka Saying Nothing, it was good to see that winter checked up on him! homare knowing the rate at which hisoka eats marshmallows… it’s so funny to be that he thinks sooo hard about cost efficiency for this One Thing but as far as i can tell, he does not apply this financial prowess to any other aspect of his life. still it’s lovely that winter all felt comfortable enough to check in with hisoka! it’s easy to see they’ve gotten closer. i wonder if they’d have gotten anywhere if tsuzuru hadn’t came in yelling his frustrations with writer’s block, but honestly… what a mood. time for chikage interview, part 2!

the idea of having a relaxed cafe atmosphere made me really hesitant going into this scene, because in my head i was like. ah. this is giving chikage details on tsuzuru, not the other way around… which really shows my personality haha. if someone like chikage tried to talk to me i’d be like. is this an interrogation? and then pick every answer wayyy too carefully. i had my arms crossed this whole scene like. he better not use ANY of this information for evil. don’t u dare touch the minagi family. but it’s like… wow. he knows tsuzuru’s family situation and he knows masumi’s whole deal and he’s learning how itaru is outside of work… though that one’s a little weird. when they grab chikage during the masumi debacle, he says he had to work through the night, but every time the situation of him rooming with itaru is brought up, things feel… weird. i have to wonder if chikage is… actually living in the dorms? because like, an itaru who uses casual gamer slang is one thing, but the itaru in his gamer pad is a whole other deal. I imagine it’s very nerve-wracking to have someone from work see that (and again. information chikage could use for evil). still, i do hope they work things out, since it seems like itaru’s being a little distant? chikage’s sibling answer was really interesting, though. he asks why tsuzuru needs to look after other troupe members like family, and then mentions that tsuzuru reminds him of someone he knows who got betrayed. and like, even though he spins this whole totally fake tale about this police officer uncle, when he said he had two siblings, he probably meant december and august, right? and august was probably who tsuzuru actually reminded him of. and he says, “the only thing to be found in truth is weakness” when tsuzuru asks him why he likes lying so much, which is not a line that you just… make up, out of nowhere. it was so lovely to see tsuzuru catch chikage’s expression faltering though… like, he started describing it as like “dark” and “like a bottomless pit” and that was the moment I knew he’d be alright… if he starts being able to describe chikage with fancy prose there’s really no way he won’t be able to write a play centered on him. and that’s what he does!

on to everyone’s reactions to the play, firstly i was glad omi made tsuzuru post-fainting food, but secondly i think it’s so funny that chikage has committed to this milquetoast, pleasant person bit so hard that he like. Fundamentally cannot complain about the role he’s been given. i’m just saying, “heroic” or “ordinary person” this is not, which were his two wishy washy suggestions. i do also think it’s cute that sakuya approached chikage so they can do a coin toss every day to like, improve their communication and stuff! but back to the play. Since ch 13 ended here i took a break to 1) listen to the spring troupe (sans chikage) theme songs i hadn’t heard. they were all nice but i very much appreciated gamer’s high simply for all the videogame noises and stuff they added to the instrumental. I thought it was a really effective way to make you feel like. ah. this is itaru. and the harugumi song was so charming!

and 2) i watched the play! like i said i think it’s fun that chikage cannot really complain that tsuzuru was like “I’ll write a play based off of you” and chikage was like “okay!” so tsuzuru went and then was like “this is a play about a HUGE LIAR.” and then the point of the play (at least, as i read it) is “the issue is not that this guy is a HUGE LIAR. the issue is that he is a COWARD who refuses to MAKE FRIENDS” like wow tsuzuru. i think you’re so correct to do it but it’s also so funny that you do. I thought it was interesting that the wicked wizard of the west wasn’t weak to water, here! since the rain oz brought down didn’t melt them immediately. I was really expecting oz to accidentally defeat him that way… but what we got is more interesting, i think. I think the story itself is pretty straightforward so i don’t have too much analysis to make, but knowing that the plays often parallel the real-life a3 events, i’m rather intrigued by the final parts of the play. like i said before, i think the main issue here is not that oz is a liar, but that he specifically wants to abandon the people around him! like the way he almost makes his escape and leaves rick magicless against the wizard of the west. using his blessings, he’s able to trick the wizard into believing he’s more powerful than he is… which is good! it’s good for the city. that kind of trickery is useful, as was that initial trickery to bring piece. reminds me of mp100 reigen haha… anyways. even when oz shows rick his head contraption, rick still believes it’s magic. and i think that is kind of a magic! it takes quite a bit of effort and ingenuity to run a scam like that… it’s a talent. and considering rick keeps doing it even with oz gone, i assume he believes in that. like, i also think that oz should also be more honest, especially emotionally… but being up to some trickery is still fine! and i feel like that’s actually not the biggest issue at first. what with the establishment of this coin toss trick, and sakuya being the first one to fall in a battle, and tsuzuru thinking of rick as sakuya specifically, i have to believe that as chikage and sakuya do that coin toss game, there’s going to be a point where sakuya gets it correct after all—just like that one time rick realizes that oz is lying. and then they’ll force chikage/oz into emotional honesty, hopefully? chikage seems to me like someone who’s not really going to stick around with this troupe, or stick around anywhere considering his work for this Organization… in the same vein, oz has to leave because he has unfinished business back home, which i imagine you could neatly say “in the real world, that unfinished business is this Organization thing” since i doubt it’s the kind of place where they just let you leave it. i do think that if anyone could get through chikage, it’d be sakuya, so I’m rather excited to see how their dynamic develops, and if I get anything right about how they might mirror the play!

omg here you are!! hi!!!! eheheh

omg i didn't even know that song, that's pretty cool. And yeah that sure is new for Tsuzuru there, everyone at Mankai is sort of colorful in their own way. Itaru perhaps used to want to disappear in the background, even before Tsuzuru wrote his script, but at least he was already a secondary character here and well. it didn't last very long. Everyone else is still so distinct. Tsuzuru is just "wtf this company is full of weirdos, where is YOUR weirdo status.". AND HELPP it adds to my theory that when we relate to a chara in a3 we get forced to do self improvement out of relating too hard. good luck wiht your own writer block champion o7 (DLKFJDLF yeah Chikage is associated to bunny everytime so it's his year. Beautiful really). but yeah, he's def dodging things. I think he's too much here to destroy Hisoka's life that he's just, keeping distance with everyone even those he could get along with.

But yeah then there's The Scene. But yeah, man. Chikage sure has. Stuff in his mind huh. But also, i feel you on his voice, i fucking love the voice acting so much (and that's how Wataru Hatano became one of my fav VA so quickly). He's just sooo fucking good at the way he plays with his voice. (rip moment to have to remind you he also voices Shaiapouf in hxh. Unfortunate. But the guy sure has the Range:tm:) But yeah Masumi not being once threatened by Chikage is pretty funny. Caught the vibes:tm:.

Hoping Massu's parents to stop being neglectful and for what. for more batlant emotional neglect. It's so fucked up sobs. But yes, Izumi is so good during that scene and she really helps with Masumi's situation a lot zt least. "you are still a minor. mr.usui is concerned about you living alone without a parental figure for so long." LITERALLY LIKE. OH YOU'RE REALIZING IT NOW. Masumi has been with us for ONE FULL YEAR, what do you tHINK was happening for ONE FULL YEAR for you to worry now!! wow!!!. But yes it's so good all of Spring leaped in his defense it's adorable, esp Sakuya. They really see each other as family at this point and they see one of their own getting neglected this horribly and they're just. wow! not on our watch! And yeah god Sakuya. Seeing how it's unfair when others are treated that way but not applying it to himself. But yeah esp with how Sakuya sees himself as an older brother to Masumi this must have sting so much. The realization they're even more alike, and that their family really gave up on them. it sucks so bad :(.

but yeah the whole stuff this whole bit implies about Masumi is really oof, heavy. Kind of justify Masumi being such a brat since he isolated himself this much due to how well. His father was just sueing kids who would be a little "rough" with him. How do you develop healthy relationship with people when just the unavoidable fact of being accidentally hurt by someone is something you can't afford? Tenma is also an isolated neglected kid who's parents are always afar and has to be half raised by a guy linked to professional work. And himself was a brat and a bit emotionally stunned and could only grow when his troupe, especially Yuki, was in position to call him out and bruise his ego. Masumi meanwhile can't even let people this close. If they "hurt" him, even if it's for a good cause, his parents can attack back. It brings him in a position of self isolation right at the time he needs to interreact with others people in order to grow, and it's stunning him into this sort of bratiness. and i suppose it goes double for people he might end up caring about that ends up in danger for any accident that could happen, which would justify why despite clearly caring more about Spring after the first storyarc, he still keeps his distances re: esp Sakuya. Meanwhile i think it also justify his crush on Izumi. Because she's a responsible adult in a way, she'd be less prone to accidentally cause a situation that would push Masumi away, and meanwhile as an adult she can protect herself from his parents's action more than anyone else. Add to that how he was charmed by her acting and the fact he never had a proper emotional support to tell him the right or wrong way to approach someone (and like, i'm not saying all music is to blame but a lot of songs can have for text more passionate display of love that could really skew with his perception of things). Not that i justify it bc i still hate this crush but at least it makes me think it comes from an understandable place. But yeah i agree with you, it'd be nice him and Sakuya discusses the pressure of being a good kid for people who are just neglecting them. and yeah Masumi's voice acting is just, so so good. Shirai Yusuke really does a fantastic job with it. And meanwhile yeah Masumi cares for the whole theater!!! he doesn't show it as much but he cares so much!!!!!

AND YEAH TSUMUGI OUR HERO!!! No wonder in the recent webcomics about Tsumugi's bday you see Masumi wanting to do good by him now, you can see how much Tsumugi was a good influence on that kid. And talk about having an adult that listens to you and remembers about you enough to help you out. Tsumugi full blown MVP. AND YEAH for people who hadn't read this event it's just. it would be so random!! like, we kinda knew before the event that they had their love for their grandma in common because it's the name of their relationship in the Coin Talk (Grandma's boys) and i think they have a link skill for it, so some players who haven't played the events may be vaguely aware of it. One of my friend was in this situation, she read all the events except the one Masumi and Tsumugi discuss their grandma bc it was the only event she wasn't there to grind, and when she reached this chap she was a bit confused that it was acknowledged in the story while it was only mentioned in passing so far, and i had to mention it was in the event she didn't read that it was told. Anyway Hatsue was really so good!!! we stan a grandma that's willing to call out her son when things hit the fan. She really cares a lot about Masumi and understands a found family is just as valid and it's SO sweet. And YEAH WHOLE OF MANKAI CHASING AFTER HIM IS SO SWEET.

AND YEAH LMAOO. Tenma, famous guy, probably reliving a drama he played in before chasing someone in the airport. Beautiful. It's so nice to see Masumi truly get properly emotional about all of it. It could have been a good time for a CG yeah sobs. I feel like a3 kinda has this trope of, a father being neglectful and controlling to a really insulting level but then they discuss with their sons and communication save the day, but we're still left with the bitter taste in our mouth of just how fucked up the whole thing was LMAO. Like with Tenma for example. It sucks because on a narrative level i would really love the fathers to get a much harder treatment, but on a realistic level i understand that they want to show that things can work out eventually. Cool conclusion still mad at those guys! yeah i don't really recall hearing about Masumi's mom so it's a good question.

and yeaaaah here's we're back to Masumi being annoying sobs. This arc was genuinely so good and it did such a good work on making me care for Masumi, and it gave me a lot of insight into his personality that i can still use more to think of him in a more depth way, but then they go back to the obsession and he is just so. Out of touch. Like on one hand i see it, like i said, the guy has no proper way to judge how a normal relationship is like and all, but god just because it makes sense doesn't mean it's tiring as fuck, especially in the way it undercut the very emotional scene of the whole of Mankai being here for him only to bring back the attention on his crush. I totally feel you on the reading of how mean spirited it is. Esp with saying all that while all of Mankai is watching like, bro. Bro they're all. there for you. It's really frustrating and i fault the writing still on wanting just to keep Masumi in the archetype they first established for him (the sort of yandere boyfriend type) without taking into account the organical development they got for him. Like, they know they can do more with him. They did it the whole chapter so far. But then suddenly even if he evolves on his issues he has to return to the statusquo of his "appeal" toward fan and it clashes with the narrative build up. It's really tragic. At least Sakyo is here to calm things down, in Sakyo we trust. Masumi caring more for his troupe is really sweet to see yeah, and personally i want to focus on those bits, but i'm with you on how when Masumi goes out of line with Izumi it makes it so sour it's hard to get back to the rest of his characterization. Masumi is often such a wasted opportunity and it really stings even more when you see just how good it could be if they focused on the others aspects they put on his character.

Anyway let's talk about characters who are evil on purpose at least: CHIKAGEEEE. It's such a line, the guy really is dedicated in being the villain it's truly chilling. I def think he's sounding evil on purpose because he WANTs to distress Hisoka, he WANTS Hisoka to face the hurt he has done, and he wants to hurt him as much as Chikage was hurt. It's unfair, especially considering WE know what Chikage believes from Hisoka is unlikely to be true (we know Hisoka doesn't remember, Chikage still refuses to accept it. And we believe Hisoka has survivor guilt, not that he definitely had a hand in the killing. And we know that Hisoka losing his memories is the main reason he "ran away", even if we don't know if he lost his memories before or after he had reasons to run off). But i would definitely think Chikage isn't thinking fairly or anything. He had one year to let his feelings fester and he probably just is only thinking through the scope of his own hurt at this point. But Hisoka getting distressed really broke my heart. Like i'm seeing more to Chikage's behavior now (without even having to take spoilers into accounts), but when i first read it i was yelling the whole time insulting Chikage because how fucking dare he make my angel this distressed. He did nothing wrong! even if he killed people! he's my meow meow! i think Hisoka, despite telling his whole troupe that they can rely on each other, doesn't know still how to reach out to them now that real distress came his way. And i would assume that the guilt of his possible crime makes him unable to think clearly, as in, perhaps he deserves this punishment? He doesn't know, he doesn't remember. In my opinion the flashbacks we're getting are stuff Hisoka does remember so pieces are starting to form in his mind that he knew April, he knew the August he talked about, and he knows he stood over August's dead body. I think it makes it harder for Hisoka to not believe Chikage when Chikage accuses him of crime, and to believe he must have hurt Chikage despite the two of them being seemingly close (even if Chikage was a twat in the flashbacks lmao). And therefore it makes it harder for him to face the logical situation when his emotions tells him "you hurt the man in front of you with the crimes you went in denial about and comfortably are trying to forget as if those crimes would disappear just because of it". And it would lead him to believe he deserves a punishment and makes it harder to come clean about all of this. Not to mention it would mean explaining his involvement and he has all the reasons to not want to disclose all of this just yet.

BUT YES WINTER IS LOVE WINTER IS CARE WE LOVE WINTER IN THIS HOUSE. The fact Homare could figure out something was wrong with just this metric means the world to me. It's only the Taking Care of Hisoka's concern measure, nothing else. They've really got really close. All of Winter is really doing a lot more work in trying to connect with one another in a way they wouldn't have back in the first chapter. (insert: how do people who haven't read MMMBM&Nocturnaltiy know!!). They're really doing so so good i love them so much.

back to Chikage and oooooo boy. AND YEAH MAN Chikage really manages to fish more on Tsuzuru with all of this it's so creepy. Tsuzuru is so trusting and all. I'm not going to say anything but yeah the whole situation sure is weird. It's sure nerveswracking though yea Love how so far it's all just "Chikage could be evil there" while it's true. little evil little man. Chikage's answer tho IS really interesting. I do feel like it's the typical "Liar lies so much that he can slip a bit of the truth under layers of untruth". If Tsuzuru is like August, then Chikage must have a soft spot to him even if he's still keeping his distances. Many thoughts but yeah, eventually it'll protect Tsuzuru a bit. His justifications about his lying is just so. muah. Chief kiss. We can still find your weaknesses in your lies tho <3 but i LOVE how Tsuzuru finally clicked on something like. Chikage tried to turn the whole thing into a psychological warfare against Tsuzuru and finding out his weaknesses and Tsuzuru really just turned it around like "weak point noticed, writer powers ON.". It's so funny to me. Can't escape your therapy Chikage, Tsuzuru is already on it!!!

I love how by now people learn to take care of Tsuzuru post script writing. It becomes so usual at this point all they can do is lessen the backlash. There's something so homie about it. homie, omi, it fits. AND HELPPP. Chikage really is in a weird situation isn't he. He tried so hard to play on a role of nice and pleasant and Tsuzuru really just destroyed him with "anyway mister Liar, here's how i see your therapy go." Sakuya is adorable though yes. He's really trying so hard despite chikage having built so many walls.

and then there's the rest okay

The songs are all very nice yess!!! I'm growing more and more found of Tsuzuru's song these days, and Masumi's song is really nice but i hate the lyrics so rip. But Gamer High is truly another level ti's really fun, this is so Itaru. The Harugumi song is soo charming yes! (you'll be able to listen to Chikage's first solo by the end of Awakening Moon at least ;D)

and the play!! it was such a nice play!!! I love Tsuzuru's subtle roasts. Chikage really tried to be normal and Tsuzuru is just anyway here's how i'm going to fix him 4k 2hours, let's G- It's really so funny i respect Tsuzuru so much. I think the play we get is really so interesting in the end yeah. The play is straightforward and fun, and for the analysis, i can't really comment on it since yaknow, more to come, but i really like your thoughts there. "reminds me of Reigen" NOW THAT'S A COMMENT. But yeah the play is really interesting and it's fun to see how it might reflect with the Spring Troupe for real :3c can't wait until you reach it all

Once again, thank you SOOO much for the long comment!! i love reading through your thoughts!! good luck with your writer block and i'm looking forward to see you again eheh :3c

#long post for ts #ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #aranarumei