#and again it's not really. conscious and a lot of other factors go into it

[muzzleroars]

Plsssss give us explenations on how each brother reacted to Lucifer's fall and the aftermath or aftereffects of it! :O

i think lucifer's fall really changed the landscape of heaven as it signaled the end of an innocent era as well as cemented god's failure in his own mind. like i mentioned here, no one in heaven had known pain, they had not known fear, anger, hatred, or understood the meaning of death. they had known nothing but security, and that was entirely robbed from them. importantly too, they learned what it meant to lose and to grieve, to have psychological scars they would carry forward with them. and externally, heaven became a much stricter place, where god's law and dogmatic adherence to it was enforced against dire punishments as the norm. the whole host faced corrective measures, though michael had bought their salvation by binding satan. it was a deeply traumatic time for almost all involved, but the archangels, in their particular closeness to the events, got some of the worst of it.

i talked plenty about michael in the linked ask, but lucifer's loss and how god had him handle it has formed everything about the angel he became. he suffered an untold amount fighting against the mentor he loved, grieved before the fall even occurred and yet burning with anger, consumed with the holy wrath of god in a way he had never felt before or since. michael fought with cruelty, ruthless against lucifer but only as the avatar as all he knew he was going to lose because of this. if michael hates lucifer, it is not because of god's hatred for him but instead because he left them, he placed this unbearable crown on michael's head. after the war, the change in michael was instant and palpable, his demeanor shocked into flat stoicism with little humor and even less words. he spoke for some time only in commands and admonishments, with a rare commendation if an angel had truly earned it. he thinks about the war every day still, and a part of him is forever trapped in it to dictate his every move.

gabriel, like i mentioned the other day, is in the unique position of having been briefly approached by lucifer before his fall. that haunted him in the war, his body moving on instinct through a haze because he knew that something in him had marked him for the other side. his faith is weak. it made him fight as terribly as michael did, to prove to himself, to lucifer, to god that he has a faithful heart, that he was made well and strives to be the perfect servant. gabriel suffered the worst wounds with how reckless he was, almost seeking to mortify his flesh in the horror of war to fulfill his true purpose and repent from ways sought by lucifer. when lucifer fell, he was frozen in indecision, desperate to chase after him and michael yet unable to make himself move. what if he was misconstrued in his intentions? what if he truly had terrible intentions? he could do nothing, almost numb to the deafening silence in the whole of heaven. afterward, gabriel wished to be an example as an angel, feeling he not only had to improve himself...but also somewhere feeling he must protect everyone left by being an example they could look to. much of this isn't conscious, but gabriel strove in his brilliance to protect himself and all those left. in spite of this, his heart still bleeds for sinners and for those condemned to hell, sympathetic to them no matter how much he tries to drive that failing out.

raphael realized the full extent of what he had to do, seeing the terrible wounds of war as he stitched up hundreds of angels torn open and bleeding out onto the floors of heaven. his emotions got the better of him because it, a burning anger lodged in his breast for what lucifer had instigated, for how he forced pain, disease, and evil into the world. this is what argument begets, this is what disobedience breeds, and raphael saw angels die before him in a failure of body he couldn't yet understand, still trying to heal them even after they stopped breathing. nothing is worth this suffering. yet in his infinite good grace, raphael was shocked by lucifer's loss - he thought god could punish him, correct him, heal the error in his heart that made him do this, but instead he was. gone. like so many were gone now. raphael was left with the unshakeable fear of loss, that people he loved and who made up his life could be taken from him, never to be seen again. it reinforced his natural inclination toward peace and geniality, desperate to make heaven a place where no more conflict would ever be seen to save anyone from such grief again. so. you can imagine how he felt when god disappeared and his family completely fell apart.

uriel fully understood the burden he would have to carry through lucifer's fall and he, like michael, is quite haunted by what happened to his former teacher. i think honestly this made uriel understand, VERY early on, that god isn't what he seems as he privately directed uriel to twist the narrative he had already written. his records, meant to be the truth of history, were perverted so soon after the beginning of creation he could only imagine what might happen in the future. it made him incredibly contemplative, dealing with his grief and buckling faith by retreating in heavy philosophy and what many would probably consider mental gymnastics. there is simply no way to square a perfect creator with an imperfect creation though...unless, of course, god is unloving. he hates, and when he hates, he becomes wrathful. so much more powerful than their small existences, he could wipe them all out in an instant. and so through lucifer's fall, uriel views god as an unloving father that any of them might lose favor with for the most arbitrary of reasons....for the reasons he created them for. so uriel retreats quietly, he writes and writes all the time, he makes god's kingdom look more perfect than it is. and those initial feelings were very much cemented when humanity faced the flood and the watchers too were banished.

#the war and lucifer's fall are VERY formative for each of them #it shaped a lot about their personalities as they are now #and again it's not really. conscious and a lot of other factors go into it #like raph is naturally very gentle and gabe has always been charming #but there is some other motivation that comes from lucifer for them to lean into that in ways #i'd say mike and uriel are more actively affected at this point tho #cake answers #michael #gabriel #raphael #uriel

[inbarfink]

Interesting to note that Fionnaworld losing it's magic is not the only thing that changed about it when Ice King was turned back into Simon Petrikov. The 'side-effects' of it being in Simon's head seem to have... inverted.

Because the whole thing about Fionnaworld being in Ice King's head is that this is how he 'got the idea' for his 'Fionna and Cake' stories. Even though Ice King was supposed to just be 'a big nutty hard-drive', it seems like IK's subconsciousness had some sort of a connection to Fionnaworld and absorbed information from it - that Ice King's conscious self then put into his stories.

This... doesn't seem to be the case with Simon. You know, it's not like he goes 'oh, I get ideas for Fionna and Cake stories sometimes I just don't want to write them because I associate them too much with the Trauma of being Ice King' or even "I can't relate to Fionna and Cake anymore! But I do have some ideas for a pre-war era story about the quarter-life crisis of a blonde girl also coincidentally named Fionna!".

There's no indication that he gets any sort of 'ideas' from the Fionnaworld in his head anymore, a fact that he attribute to, just, a lack of interest in the characters.

Maybe one could speculate that Ice King's magic-infused mind gave it more of an ability to connect to the AU God Shoved in His Head. But.... Simon Petrikov's subconscious is still connected to it on some level. As we can see by the fact Simon's thoughts and immediate surrounding keep effecting the events going on in Fionnaworld.

Did this ever happen with Ice King? It's really hard to say, since we've seen so little of the 'real' Magical Fionnaworld. It was almost always filtered via the lens of Ice King's 'fanfiction'. Like, most obvious examples of 'Fionna and Cake' stuff being influenced by IK's psyche are probably just supposed to be him rewriting the stories in an inaccurate way.

But still, since Prismo was also actively 'writing stories' for Fionnaworld, and he considered it his own personal creative outlet, and since he found Ice King to be a satisfactory 'hard drive' for it all... Like, I'm going to assume that if IK's subconscious had a noticeble effect of the events of the Magical Fionnawrold - Prism wouldn't have been happy with it.

What I think is going on is related less to the matter of the magical-ness of Simon's brain and more to the other factor that Prismo mentioned in regards for picking Ice King's brain

It's emptiness.

Under the effect of the Magic Crown's Curse, Simon has lost most of his long-term (and sometimes even short-term) memories and, like, a lot of knowledge and intellectual skills he used to have. And that meant... a lot of space to store a whole-ass universe in his head, with probably also room to spare.

And maybe even the emptiness of IK's 'cursed dome' acted a bit like a vacuum - causing some information from Fionnaworld to leak into his mind.

But once Simon became himself again, all of this information and knowledge was restored inside his head. And maybe most of the experience of being Ice King is just 'dream-like impressions' like he said back in 'Betty' - but he still seems to retain some memories of these 1000 years as well. Back in 'Betty' he seems to have immediately remembered Finn and Jake, and after being permanently cured, well... he does seem to at least remember the events of "I Remember You' vividly enough to try and recreate them.

So now Fionnaworld is in a head full to the brim with stuff and... well, now it's, like, smooshed up with all of these elements of Simon's mind and psyche. Metaphorically, I'm visualizing it as, like, a bunch of items shoved inside an overstuffed cupboard and Fionnaworld is getting squashed and bent according to the shape of Simon's thoughts and memories that are shoved up close beside it. Less 'breathing room' for the world, and so Simon's thoughts can subconsciously affect the world more. But Fionnaworld information isn't leaking out anymore cause, like, there's enough out-there already.

That might also explain why Fionnaworld seems to be so damn small. Not even a full city as much as a few blocks.

It should be about as large as the actual Land of Ooo, but it might've shrank to be 'compact' enough to still fit into Simon's no-longer-empty mind.

(But now that they're free from his head and also canonized that's no longer a concern. It's alright now.)

#adventure time #atimers #fionna and cake #fionna & cake #at #at fionna and cake #fac #f&c #adventure time fionna and cake #adventure time simon #fionna and cake simon #fionna and cake series #fionna and cake show #simon petrikov #simon adventure time #ice king #the ice king

[joesalw]

This conversation about Taylor's downfall in 2016 and what led up to it, plus this lie that most criticism of female celebrities is just misogyny is really interesting to me because it's something I talk to people about in real life. There's this idea that in mainstream media people love to build female celebrities up and then rip them apart when they get successful, which don't get me wrong is absolutely true, but in some cases it's a little more complicated than that. There are times when certain celebrities brand and present themselves as "the ideal dream woman" of whatever period they're in, and then when the societal image of what "the ideal dream woman" shifts but the celebrity's image doesn't, the facade cracks.

I think a good example of this is Jennifer Lawrence. I was a teenager when the hunger games movies were coming out and was obsessed so I used to watch a lot of the interviews with the cast. Jlaw presentes herself very much as a "cool girl", she was the youngest of 2 older brothers so she was a "tomboy" that loves sports and drinking beers and shots. She also made it a big deal about how she doesn't diet and is constantly eating yet still has a slim body and doesn't know about designer clothes and is so above all this fame thing. Whilst all this was happening the Gone Girl monologue was gaining traction particularly the part about cool girls and how women alter their personality for men's consumption. Eventually people caught on about all the fictional women and celebrities that fall into the trope and were over it, yet jlaw kept up with the persona. Couple that with her continually working with David o Russell, the insensitivity to other cultures, the overexposure and people realising her acting ain't really all that, you have the general public getting sick of her and her having to take a break. She's sort of made a comeback now and people are just chalking her downfall to "misogyny".

I wasn't really following what Taylor was up to in the lead up to her crash because I'd gotten sick of her long before that and avoided her stuff like the plague, but I did see someone on Reddit talk about how her winning album of the year over Kendrick Lemar and then using her speech to shit on another prominent black hip hop artist over something that was a lie wasn't a good luck for her. Add in the racist undertones in shake it off and wildest dreams videos for good measure.

This time around I do think her not adapting to the political and societal change is going to be a major factor if (I hope) she has another downfall. Before I get to the next part I do have to say I'm from England (you may have heard of it but it is a very foreign country/s) so if I'm wrong about the American political atmosphere someone feel free to correct me. After the election of trump there was a whole knew political awakening and conversations happening, one of them being about how Hillary lost due to misogyny (not completely true) so there were conversations about patriarchy, sexism, double standards and all that. This was the perfect climate for Taylor to be able to swoop in and use all these buzzwords she's learnt and blame anything bad that happened to her on misogyny and made all of her problems into "women problems". You had her giving quotes like how women are only allowed to react or some shit and released "the man" (side note but does anyone else find the bridge to the song kind of racist? Especially the way she's constantly compared to black artists?). She was of course celebrated for all this and had successfully rebranded to politically conscious Taylor Swift.

I don't think she expected the political climate to shift so quickly once again. In 2020 we had those viral videos of white women calling the cops on black people and the conversations about how white women use their privilege and tears to harm others and get away with it. During BLM there were talks about how certain white women will present themselves as allies and progressive but still have friends and date people who are bigots showing their politics is skin deep *cough cough*. COVID had us talking about the disconnect from celebrities about the real world and how capitalism is just another plague that is killing us normal people. You had certain companies and people becoming billionaires during this time and this truly began the crumbling of the pedestal the rich and famous were on.

Flashforward to now, where there are multiple genocides happening in front of our eyes. A time where you can't open any social media site without seeing innocents being slaughtered in ways that fills you with a rage and sorrow I can't even put into words. A time where our world leaders are doing Jake shit like some Arab leaders or actively funding it like the UK and US. A large number of Americans are saying they won't vote for Biden next year, others are screaming if you do that we'll get a repeat of 2016. But people are rightfully pointing out that Hilary is also a war criminal and the DNC were told people are not going to vote for her so pick a different candidate, they didn't and lo and behold those people stuck to their word. Women being in power does nothing if they uphold the same system which is exactly what women like Taylor do.

So the women Taylor rebranded herself to is the exact kind of woman whos shit people are sick of. Her face literally being used as the face of the western media ignoring the atrocities happening to brown and black people and upholding the status quo is just poetic justice. Add in the absolute shallowness of that interview and the whole capitalism is okay when you're girl bossing and you've got people wondering who the fuck does she thinks she is.

There's obviously a lot more to any potential crash Taylor may have and this is all my observations that may be wrong, but I do find all this shit fascinating and I wish people smarter than me would look into it to see if I've got a point.

You’ve got a great point

#anti taylor swift #anti swifties #swifties dni

[ping1n]

Theres a trend I've noticed with the current era of minecraft modding.

It's a sort of... professionalism? We're seeing a lot more mods made by large teams rather than single creators. Theres also a lot more focus - theres a definite trend of larger mods with many distinct features being split up into multiple separate mods for each distinct feature, if that makes sense. That's probably largely driven by curseforge's revenue scheme - I guess it's more profitable to have 5 mods with 1 main feature and a million downloads each, than 1 mod with all 5 features and a million downloads.

I don't know if this corresponds to the latter trend or the former but theres a definite increase in library mods - mod makers are building a lot more infrastructure for their work but each team is building their own library.

And I really don't know how I feel about all this.

This trend of professionalism has lead to an increase in quality but it feels like its come at the cost of creativity - theres an obsession with fitting into the vanilla game, both mechanically and artistically. It feels like modern mods are focused on expanding and fleshing out the vanilla game in a cohesive way, in stark contrast to how earlier mods used vanilla as just a platform to build their own stuff. And I feel like this is a good thing, but I also feel sad for what came before.

And I really think you can trace this change back to minecraft's change in artstyle. Programmer Art is aptly named - the original graphics were quick and dirty textures thrown together so they could get on with making the actual game. And this fostered a lot of creativity in the modding community - a community largely comprised of programmers - who could imitate this artstyle very easily. The new artstyle is great, don't get me wrong, but it pressures modmakers to match it. This means the old generation of simply textured box machines look out of place in the new graphics. When the old graphics were simple it didn't feel wrong to have something wildly different thrown in there - think Thaumcraft's inexplicably 128x128 textures in a 16x16 game, or whatever the fuck was happening with draconic evolution - whereas the obvious thought and care put into the official art makes anything even remotely out of place look wrong.

This is definitely a factor in the increase of larger teams - it's a lot harder for one person to make a whole mod and a whole set of cohesive textures. And when something looks professional theres a pressure to make it function professionally as well - if it's going to fit in with the vanilla game visually it's going to have to fit in mechanically as well.

And again, I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing - indeed, this could all just be a result of the modding community maturing. But I do have some problems with it:

Firstly, I think its notable that previous eras of modding are associated with a specific version - 1.6.4, 1.7.10, 1.12.2. That's not the case now. There seems to be a lot more pressure to update to the latest version, which is combined with a sudden increase in vanilla update frequency. I think this has pretty drastic consequences. When the modding scene stayed still, as it did in 1.7.10 and 1.12.2, theres a lot of time for mods to get used to each other. Think back to 1.7.10 where magic mods were including references and counters to each other. With the much faster development to get every mod updated to the latest version with different mods getting updated at different times theres much less opportunity for intrinsic cross mod compatibility. This is combined with the recent split between fabric and forge, resulting in mods that ironically look very similar but with much less conscious compatibility.

Theres also something off about the art style. Theres a sort of shared style that you see across a lot of popular mods right now. It's not just that they look like vanilla textures - because in large part they look more like each other than they do vanilla. Idk if that makes sense. It's like theres a consistent artstyle for mods that is ever so slightly different from the art style of vanilla.

And this, of course, brings us to the elephant in the room.

They all look like fucking Create.

I said earlier that I thought these changes could all be traced back to the change in vanilla artstyle - and I still think that's true - but when you're tracing it back the line inevitably runs through that one mod.

Create was huge. Back when modding was still getting used to the artstyle changes, Create I think solidified the entire era. It was an aesthetically pleasing, stylistically cohesive, mechanically balanced and technically astounding mod. It was big enough to draw attention from vanilla players who had never played modded before then, bringing them in with expectations formed by it. Which, in turn, created a pressure in the community to replicate this success.

I'm gonna be honest - Create annoys me. I dislike the artstyle. I dislike the obsession with aesthetics and vanilla-like gameplay over functionality. I especially dislike how its found in literally every modpack for recent versions.

But (reluctantly) putting aside my dislike of Create, I begrudgingly admit that all in all, these trends are overall good for modding. As I said earlier, they're a sign of a maturing community. But I'll still miss how mods in earlier eras were much more free to be completely batshit, or pure functionality (rftools and mahou tsukai come to mind as mods that have largely ignored the changes in the community). Every era has it's own feel and if what's new isnt for me, that's fine. Maybe I'm just old and bitter and this is all in my own head - I'm not a modder, I've just been playing this game a long time.

#minecraft #modded minecraft #ftb

[arcielee]

Interview With a Writer

Thank you again @inthedayswhenlandswerefew for continue the Maggie's Suffering Sundays tradition with a behind-the-scenes on her latest story! As always, here is masterlist to my Interview With a Writer series and the other talented individuals who allow me to continue this self-indulgent series! 💜

Name: inthedayswhenlandswerefew

Story: Napoleonville

Paring: modern Aemond Targaryen x female!reader

Warnings: 18+ mature themes. Be mindful of chapter warnings.

What inspired the plotline for Napoleonville?

I’ve always thought that bayou country (and the Deep South in general) has a fascinating, slightly unnerving, ancient sort of beauty, and I had a vague idea that I’d use it as a setting for a fic one day. I actually wrote a short story in college that took place in rural Louisiana (it involved fraternities and murder, sounds like me, right? 😂) and really loved the experience of mentally living in that setting for a while.

One day I was thinking about this preoccupation I have with Louisiana while listening to You’re Wrong About, a podcast I really love. They have a 5-episode miniseries about Princess Diana that is super informative and also hilarious, and I go back and re-listen to those episodes a few times a year because I enjoy them so much. So the plot of Napoleonville was a marriage (pun intended) of these two seemingly random, disconnected inspirations!

I think I imagined the story as taking place in the 80s primarily because of the Princess Diana connection, but also I’m super obsessed with 80s music and fashion, so I’m sure that was a contributing factor. 😁

My Pinterest board for this series was called "Swamplands" and featured a LOT of retro 80s photos, as well as plenty of alligators and baking recipes, of course!

I sadly did not yet exist in the 80s, so extensive research was necessary.

Explain your interpretation of Aemond. What drives him? Why is he the way he is in Napoleonville?

To me, Aemond seems a lot like Prince Charles in the 80s. He’s very image-conscious and dutiful, but also deeply insecure and unhappy, and he has a secret scandalous life that serves as his escape from the emotionally devoid reality that has been chosen for him.

Aemond is at peace when he gets to feel like he’s in control, but he’s also just fundamentally starved for genuine affection, and those are things that he needs—even in secret, and even in small doses—in order to survive the stifling, relentless demands of being the heir to the Jade Dragon Energy dynasty.

Did you already have an idea of how you wanted the Targaryen family dynamic to be in Napoleonville?

In most of my fics, Viserys is either dying/dead or super distant, so I liked being able to get a sense of how the family would function if Viserys was alive and well and at least somewhat present.

He’s this dark cloud of a patriarch whenever he jets into town from his latest business trip, reminding every member of the family how they’ve disappointed him: Alicent is an unlovable wife, Aegon an embarrassment of a son, Aemond an overlooked middle child always trying to prove himself (at the risk of both his mental and physical health), and then Helaena and Daeron are barely even on his radar.

When Viserys is away, the family seems a bit happier, lazing around the pool and distracting themselves with a variety of hobbies and substances. I think the fact that Aemond picked up smoking Marlboros from Alicent—and then she shared them with Christabel as well—is very indicative about how a dynamic like this is generational. Parents suffer, and then their children develop maladaptive behaviors to survive in that environment, and then they grow up to recreate it because that’s all they know.

With Viserys still around, Otto became a different character, and this version of Otto Hightower was really fun to write. I imagined him as someone who was once a determined social striver and now—burned-out and somewhat aware that all his ambitions led to nothing but misery—has become a bit of a nihilist and is content to spend what remains of his life on a beach in the South Pacific.

Can you give us the "dad dynamic" comparison of Aemond and Willis?

Aemond, while emotionally kind of clueless, is definitely aware that he had a bad childhood and doesn't want any other kids to have to feel that way.

Also Aemond, unlike Willis, is socially open-minded. He has this fascination with scrappy underdogs who manage to take bad circumstances and make something meaningful out of them, undoubtedly because that’s deep down how he’s always felt: like someone harmed and overlooked, yet a constant striver.

When Aemond first meets Cupcake, there is a level of chemistry and attraction that he didn’t expect (although he certainly has always hoped for it), and he realizes almost immediately that this will be more than a one-time hookup and treats Cupcake accordingly. Then as he begins to learn more about her, his admiration and affection grows.

Cupcake is unassuming and yet nontraditional and defiant in the face of adversity, exactly the sort of person that Aemond respects most. He feels that—like himself, although in very different ways—Cupcake was also robbed of the agency she deserved and wronged by people who should have had her best interests at heart. Viserys was responsible for Aemond’s lost eye; Willis—in Aemond’s mind—was responsible for Cupcake’s loss of control over her body, and the loss of her educational opportunities as well. Aemond doesn’t hate Willis because he used to be married to Cupcake. He hates Willis because he consigned Cupcake to a life that was less than she deserved.

Aemond gets along so well with Cadi because, simply put, he treats her like a human. He is intrigued by her obstinate personality and pays attention to her interests, even if she’s just a kid; Aemond remembers being chronically ignored as a child, and he sees children as being fully sentient in a way that a lot of 80s parents didn’t. Since he isn’t much of a traditionalist, Aemond doesn’t care if Cadi has short hair or dresses primarily in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirts. Similarly, Aemond is not fazed that Amir is gay, and I’m sure the fact that Aemond is European has a lot to do with that. Aemond is definitely not a rural Louisianan at heart!

Willis, by the standards of the time and place, is actually a relatively decent dad; he cares about spending time with Cadi and has negotiated a schedule where he has custody three days a week, which is (sadly) way more time than a lot of dads spend with their kids! We learn in Chapter 10 that a huge source of anxiety for him has been his fear of Cupcake meeting someone who will take her and Cadi far away from Napoleonville, and thus from Willis. He also invests in certain activities that he and Cadi enjoy doing together, like boating/fishing. Willis may have a very traditional, conservative view of gender roles—and life in general—and he doesn’t always take Cadi’s interests seriously, but he isn’t an awful guy.

Although his mullet is definitely awful.

What was your favorite moment of this series?

The first vivid scene I envisioned for Napoleonville was Aemond asking Cupcake to marry him under a massive southern live oak after abandoning his wedding to Christabel—the Princess Diana of this story—but I’m not sure if I can call that my favorite moment. I was really excited to write Chapter 6 because of Aemond jumping into the alligator-filled water to rescue Cupcake, but as much as I loved it I don’t think that’s my favorite scene either.

My favorite scenes tend to be small, quiet moments, probably things that don’t stand out to anyone else. I think my absolute favorite scene of Napoleonville is in Chapter 7 when Cupcake is in bed with a migraine—sad, stressed, missing Aemond but also furious with him, reflecting on never feeling chosen, fearful of Cadi one day leaving her—and Aemond shows up and is just super gentle and kind and apologetic for the way he was the last time they saw each other.

They’re two people who are both in a lot of pain, both physically and emotionally, and they desperately want to help each other even if they aren’t sure how.

Speaking of Chapter 6, do you have an idea how it went between Aemond, Aegon, and Willis on the boat once they realized Cupcake was overboard?

Oh yeah! It all unfolded within a few seconds, so it was super quick. How I saw it happening is that Cupcake goes overboard, and all three men hear the splash and then turn around to see she’s gone.

Aegon is thinking “RIP cake lady,” because he certainly has no idea what to do about it and would sooner chew off his own arm than jump in that water. Willis scrambles to grab ropes, etc. to at least try to help her back into the boat. And then Willis starts giving Aemond orders and as he’s shouting, Aemond just dives into the bayou and Willis and Aegon are left staring at each other like “???” 😂

Aegon was so much fun in this story. I loved the relationship between him and Aemond.

I think we all know by now that I'm an Aegon girlie, and so of course Napoleonville Aegon had to have an opportunity to shine!

This is the first series since my HOTD debut (Have You No Idea That You’re In Deep?) that Aegon and the protagonist have no romantic relationship, but they still develop a friendship and fondness for each other that I think is really healing for Aegon. He has resigned himself to being the failure of the family, and is an afterthought in the Targaryen household (and to his wife, Princess Stephanie of Monaco).

Even Aemond, who Aegon loves and admires (even if Aegon is not very good at expressing this), is oftentimes preoccupied and emotionally closed-off. But Cupcake remembers Aegon and tries to make him feel included when she starts showing up at the mansion. She can't resist a sad, maligned outcast!

Were there any other characters in your story that you enjoyed writing?

Of course I loved writing Amir, Willis, and Cadi, but I think the character I grew the most unexpectedly attached to was Christabel.

She's so young and idealistic, and although she is Cupcake's rival of sorts, she is pretty impossible to hate because she never does anything wrong. Christabel is an Aemond fangirl who expresses emotions openly, even when no one around her does. She wants a real relationship with him and does everything in her power to please her fiancé and make him proud of her. And Christabel is aware on some level that things aren't right, but everyone else in her life is trying to gaslight her into thinking that all courtships and marriages are like this.

All these details are true for the real Princess Diana as well. Even years into her marriage when things were clearly dire, Diana would still choose outfits based on what Charles might think she looked good in. She spent so long trying to earn her husband's love, but it was an impossible (and agonizing) mission. Fortunately for Christabel, she didn't have to endure 15 years of torment before breaking free.

Do you feel Reader and Aemond complement one another well?

Absolutely! On a superficial (and kinky) level, Aemond likes being in control and Cupcake likes being able to rely on someone else to make trustworthy decisions, so in that sense they're a perfect match. But they also just genuinely get along well and are able to understand each other.

From the very first meeting, Aemond can tell when Cupcake is nervous, and she can tell that he's wearing his authoritative confidence like armor, and they both adjust to try to make the other feel at ease. Furthermore, Cupcake might be a high school dropout, but she is not dumb. She lacks academic training (and is often self-conscious about not knowing certain words or references), but she's a naturally clever person who can keep up with Aemond intellectually and pick out inconsistencies in his logic (as there are MANY!).

Finally, the life Cupcake has built for herself in Napoleonville is simple but has true warmth and love, something that Aemond needs.

Was there anything in specific that inspired your Reader portrayal?

So I very rarely write a Reader with a specific inspiration in mind, but I do have one for Cupcake. You'll probably think I'm insane at first, but Cupcake is inspired by my grandma.

My grandma was born in rural Western Maryland in 1945, and her family was so poor they didn't even have indoor plumbing. She was considered very beautiful and very clever and she had all these dreams about what she wanted to do with her life. Then when she was sixteen, she got pregnant and had to drop out of high school and marry my grandfather, because that's what people did back then. She wasn't given any other options.

They ended up moving to an urban area and my grandma became a real estate agent, and by any outsider's perspective she had a normal, happy, all-American existence. But my grandma also endured decades of domestic violence, substance abuse, and profound dissatisfaction with her life. This environment was not good for the children, both of whom (my aunt and dad) developed severe mental illnesses that they still struggle with to this day. My grandma was a very tenacious, passionate person and open with me about how she felt she'd never been treated right by a man, and I was a little too young then to fully understand what she meant. She passed away in 2018 after a long battle with cancer, and I think about her a lot, and I wanted Cupcake to be someone who broke free and got the fairytale ending that my grandma (and so many other women) never had.

What is next for Maggie's Suffering Sundays?

I am delighted to say that there is a new series on the way soon!

I'm not sure EXACTLY when it will be ready, because I want the rollout to be a little different this time (you'll see what I mean... 👀), but I've already begun writing. I believe there will be 12 chapters total, and 12 is a significant number! In terms of vibes, I think this new series is most similar to Now I’m Covered In You.

I hope you love it. 🥰

#interview with a writer #iwaw 22 #bts #of their brilliant writing #writing community #writing stuff #writers on tumblr

[crimsonhydrangeavn]

Hi, I have a curiosity!

What would be the reaction of the li to find out that they will be future biological or adoptive parents?

Oh this is a pretty interesting question given how different some of these scenarios would be depending on a variety of factors. In the interest of keeping things simple for me, let's say the child is either a product of intimacy between you two, or is somehow blood related to you. Otherwise I think we'll be here all day going down each possible reaction they would have. ^^;;

Garret would become overjoyed at the thought of you carrying his child. What better way to lock you down and make sure you never leave him than by having a child together? You'll always be in each other's lives whether you want to or not. He'll make sure you're supported and that you and the baby never want for anything. He'll also insist on hiring a nanny so that you two can still go out on dates and spend as much alone time with one another.

If he was to adopt a child, he'd be a little more jealous of the attention you showered on the child than if it was one of his own flesh and blood. He'd treat the child well, but he might not be nearly as overtly affectionate if they were of his own blood. Of course he'd spoil the child and make sure they had everything they could ever want, but his main focus would always be you and making sure that your love for him was paramount, and not the bastard child you had with someone else. Of course, the actual biological parents of the child would be swiftly removed from the picture, never to be seen or heard from again. After all, there's no way he would let anyone come between him and his picture perfect family with you and your child.

Marcelo would admittedly be surprised and stressed upon hearing the news. Of course he would try to act happy and make sure you felt safe and secure in your relationship. But he would be terrified on the inside. He didn't have the best father figure growing up and he really doesn't know how to be a father. Not to mention the fact that there's no way he'd be able to realistically provide for both of you. Of course he'd eventually bring up his fears and concerns with you and you'd both work through them. Though, once he held the sweet little bundle of joy in his arms he would immediately melt and question what he was so terrified of in the first place. He would spoil both you and your child to bits, loving on them and trying to be the best father figure he could.

If he was to adopt a child, he would honestly have a similar reaction as above. Though I think he would be a lot more self conscious and uncertain when it came to actually raising the child. He'd love them and dote on them like his own, but he would second guess himself constantly and look to you for guidance and assurance when it came to disciplining the child.

Camilla would absolutely freak out if she found out she accidentally became pregnant. After all she had so many plans ahead of her and she would almost feel trapped at the idea of becoming a mother and having a baby. She'd have a serious discussion with you regarding if you even wanted to have the baby and would ultimately take your lead. If she did end up becoming a mom, she'd become a "cool" mom that was more like a friend than an actual parent. Of course she would punish them if they really stepped out of line, but overall she would take a more relaxed approached when raising them.

Oddly enough, she'd have a much easier time when it came to adopting than actually having the child. She would be able to process it a lot better and actually look forward to raising them.

Rita would be incredibly surprised, but happy to find out she was with child. She tried for countless years with her ex husband without any luck, and now that you came into her life and she finally got pregnant? Well, it would feel like it was destined to happen. She'd become a loving yet strict mother. Of course she'd make sure that you weren't neglected and make sure to give you all of the attention that you deserved, and more, once the child went to bed.

Rita would be equally excited to adopt a child with you and would honestly treat it as one of her own.

Teagan would probably loathe the idea of becoming a parent. They know that they're far too selfish to properly raise a human and would absolutely despise sharing you with anyone else, especially a child regardless if they were blood related or not. Unfortunately, they'd probably try to convince you to get rid of the child, but if you refused they'd reluctantly become a parent alongside you. Not a good one, but a "parent" none the less.

Of course they'd insist on hiring a nanny, constantly taking you out on vacations and "business trips" without the child, and spending as much time with you as they could. They'd also become ridiculously jealous of any affection you showed the child and taunt them whenever you weren't around. Though, despite their apparent hatred for the child, they wouldn't ever allow any harm to actually come to them once they were born. Mostly for your sake to be honest. The last thing they wanted was to see you break down over the loss of a child... (Spoiler: Something that they might have experienced first hand in the past. )

[thesiridahl]

Hello

I'm writing this message after having seen the documentary on netflix. I am really far from being a fan but I wanted to sincerely support you in your fight. I know how hard it must be for you. Women don't end up in porn for no reason and being deprived of income is something inhuman.I think that many women who end up in this business have been in complicated situations and not all of them chose this path for pleasure.Many people don't realize how much pain this can be for you and unfortunately, once you get in there, I am aware of the fear you may feel. Finding a job in a store or in another field can become complicated. I wanted to write you this message. I can only support you and hope that your rights will be better defended in the future. I wish you all the best and outside of porn of course. You are human and you deserve respect.

I wish you a great day.

This was an interesting Ask I received about the Netflix documentary. There's a lot of subtext to unpack here, so I'm going to answer a few of the Asker's statements individually.

I'm writing this message after having seen the documentary on netflix. I am really far from being a fan but I wanted to sincerely support you in your fight.

Thank you! I'm thrilled that so many people have seen the documentary. More than 13 million people in 65 countries have watched it, and it's been in the Top Ten on Netflix in dozens of countries since the day it came out. It's totally up to you whether you consider yourself a fan of mine. Thank you for clarifying that you're not, I guess? (lol)

I know how hard it must be for you. Women don't end up in porn for no reason and being deprived of income is something inhuman.

I did not "end up" here. I didn't slip on a banana peel. I made a conscious and informed choice to do porn. I love my work, and it can be challenging and stressful sometimes, like any other job. But I've never thought of it as "hard" in the way that you seem to imply with this comment. I genuinely love what I do, so even when it's stressful, I still enjoy it. And I agree that it's dehumanizing to have my livelihood attacked and potentially compromised by outsiders who don't understand how the industry functions, and don't value my work.

I think that many women who end up in this business have been in complicated situations and not all of them chose this path for pleasure.

There it is again. "End up." I hope you realize how patronizing that sounds. People choose to work in the adult industry for all of the same reasons that they might choose any other job. The pursuit of pleasure is a factor in many performers' choice to work in porn, of course. Money is also a big one. Because generally when you do a job, you want to be paid for it. That's how jobs work. I don't think that's problematic, or a reason to feel pity for sex workers.

Many people don't realize how much pain this can be for you and unfortunately, once you get in there, I am aware of the fear you may feel.

I'm not in pain, nor am I afraid for my safety. Maybe you meant that in a more general sense, but I do take offense to anybody making the assumption that sex workers are inherently afraid and in pain. The only thing I'm really "afraid" of is the speed at which the United States is careening toward a religious, conservative, fascist dictatorship.

Finding a job in a store or in another field can become complicated.

Yes, it can be, but only because of the stigma against sex workers. The more recognizable you are as a porn performer, the harder it might be to find a job outside of the adult industry, should you desire to. That being said, I worked "civilian" jobs during my 5 year retirement, and fortunately for me, I never had any real issues. I was recognized a few times, and one of my former coworkers tried to report me to HR for literally just existing, but I was never fired or treated poorly by an employer.

I can only support you and hope that your rights will be better defended in the future. I wish you all the best and outside of porn of course.

If you wish me the best outside of porn but not in it, then you don't wish me the best. When you word it like that, you sound like a sex work "abolitionist."

You are human and you deserve respect.

I am, and I do. And all sex workers deserve respect, too.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

#siri dahl #money shot: the pornhub story #netflix #ask me anything #anon ask #anon answered

[anakirui]

godddd as a DDLC fan the quality of mods is *so frustrating*

So many of them have, like, the seed of a fantastic idea in there, it's set up beautifully, and then it just trips and falls into the mud either because there's a blatant mischaracterization, or nonsensical storytelling presentation, or what have you.

There's one, maybe two, really good (extended length) mods, and I still have gripes with them.

Salvation Remake is ALMOST PERFECT but the Monika B plot is so much better than the SayorixMC A plot that I want to skip every single scene of it.

Also ironically re: your post, the FNF/DDLC mod is also very good lmao.

YEAH literally like yesterday, my friend and i were looking at this mod where it was about mc like... gradually realizing that he's in a game and him being self aware, and the set up was slow (paced properly) and looked somewhat promising at the start only for the characters to start jumping to conclusions WAY too fast and then there being a really mishandled scene about sayori's depression and then we stopped reading it 😭 it really read like the writer wanted to get to the "fun" part already at the cost of the pacing, and it was just a gradual decline in quality until it just became... not good. at all.

in general, i do really like the idea of mc having existentialism over being well.. a main character (and unsurprisingly, one of my favorite toby fox characters is kris deltarune, so that checks out)

and sorry for going on a tangent, i feel like he just does not have any fan content that expands on his character in a meaningful way? like he has a defined personality that also shows his supposed lack of personality since he's supposed to be nothing more than a vn mc, and i feel like there's a lot of potential to make stuff with out of that.

i tried dissecting a lot of his lines in act 1 (i haven't gotten around to going through the whole game again for this purpose), and i think it's interesting how he has underlying insecurities and also a definite sense of apathy ... which i think hints towards his "genericness" since he's supposed to be a blank slate for us to project onto (and therefore he would have no major goals, thus resulting in him seeming apathetic), but it's also interesting how this is warped in act 2 (and i haven't seen anyone talk about it?)

ignoring ddlc plus lore because i don't know how it would factor in here; mc in act 2 is interesting because i think, like the girls, something about him was modified by monika. i don't think you can chalk up his change in personality just to the absence of sayori in his life, because sure yeah while there is things like him feeling bitter when seeing groups of friends (due to not having any himself), his other actions suggest it's something else imo.

most prominently is his lack of reaction to situations, as in act 1, mc is always describing his feelings to us and remarking on how the other characters do things vividly. in act 2, his descriptions gradually become duller and duller, until he gets to the point of when natsuki sees yuri's dead body, all he has to say about it was "natsuki ran away."

additionally, he never interferes in situations where i think he would've in act 1, such as yuri's confession scene, for example, especially with how quickly he was to try and reassure sayori about her depression in act 1 (despite his conflicted feelings about the situation).

also we know the exact moment mc was fully gone, which is interesting. he thinks of some garble text right before natsuki shows up to walk in on seeing yuri's dead body, meaning that mc was probably conscious that whole weekend 😭 and just had to stare at yuri's dead body. which is. something. but besides that, the exact moment is at the end of act 2 when monika deletes natsuki and yuri and tells the player to hold on for a second, only for the interface to glitch out ... which might be part of why mc doesn't have a chr file, dan salvato not seeing him as a character otherwise . I don't know. help

#ddlc #doki doki literature club #ddlc mc #because i talked about him too much because i have a PROBLEM.

[drdemonprince]

Hi - I'm having a really hard time figuring out how to cultivate community, and would love any advice!

I currently have two friends (one long distance, one who lives nearby) and live with my spouse. All of these people are also socially isolated. I spend most of my day alone in my home; I don't work because my spouse's income can support us both; I don't go out because my spouse is immunocompromised so we generally avoid being around other people; and I don't engage in online spaces very much (mostly following a few authors whose books I like or watching youtube videos about special interests). I'm autistic, adhd, and struggle with ocd, which are all things I learned about in the past two years.

I've tried to become more engaged in hobby-focused online spaces, but have found that I am not great at reading the social rules or am somehow behaving in an inappropriate way due to misunderstanding the way people were communicating. This happens both online and in-person. Over time, I've tried to become more observant, but this has led to a sort of social inertia as observer rather than participant, which excludes me from the connection-making experience so many people seem to have.

Based on some of what you have written, it seems like you put a lot of importance in community building and the work of cultivating friendships. I've seen you suggest seeking out identity-based groups (like autistic support groups or enby support groups) or seeking out hobby-based groups (like going to cons), and these are all things I've tried before but always felt unable to be a part of - like I have an invisible bubble around me that blocks me from really connecting.

I feel really frustrated and a little ashamed about all this. Like I should be trying harder or doing more in order to become more involved with the world around me. I guess, how do I do the work of cultivating community when it feels like most communities won't have me as I am? (not to say that I'm a perfect unchangeable person, but that in some core way I'm rejectable?)

I don't think you need to try "harder," just that you need to keep trying. There are a lot situational reasons why you are so isolated that it sounds like you're very well aware of, so try to keep those factors in mind to check your own feelings of brokenness/rejectability/underservingness when they occur.

You don't leave the house much. You don't participate actively in most online spaces. You don't have many opportunities for organically meeting people. No wonder you have so few connections in your life *and* feel so self-conscious and awkward when you do make an attempt. Anybody would in your situation. You need like hundreds more hours of attempts, potentially, for it to start to feel more natural and less panic inducing. That's a big part of why the first tip in my advice column on the subject is to know that this process takes years, it did for me, and to not take that as a reflection of who you are as a person.

The research on how people form friendships says time and time again that we build relationships by being in proximity to people numerous times and with consistency. That's it, and that's all. There is no magic juice or essential quality that you lack. Among neurotypicals, research shows people are more likely to be friends with people who have last names that are closer to their own in the alphabet, because those people are/were more likely to sit next to one another in class as kids. That's really how arbitrary this shit is.

We befriend the people who are around us a lot, who we interact with a lot. And so, you'll just need to be around the same people a lot (does not have to mean literally physically around, it could be in the same zoom room or discord call), and interact with them a lot. It sounds like a lot of the online spaces you've attempted to be a part of so far are not quite social enough -- I would say do not consider social media to be socializing, it's more like social snacking (tho there are some exceptions).

instead try to identify some online events or groups with meetings / synchronous forms of communicating. Watch parties, online game playing sessions, online writing groups, support groups, meetings, etc -- ones where you have interactions with a handful of the same people, where they get to know your name/handle and become familiar with you and interact with you multiple times.

You can also try asynchronous forms of communication, but they have to again be really specific and personal. Things like exchanging letters or having a pen pal or playing correspondence chess with someone -- not posting on say instagram or reddit or whatever. It has to be a form of interaction where you get to know a specific person, and they get to know you, and you navigate some of those interpersonal conflicts and insecurities that you're talking about.

Maybe you are rubbing people the wrong way sometimes, that's okay, being annoying is not a crime. don't give up. Maybe they are just dropping off the map on you sometimes for their own reasons or not being super enthusiastic and you are reading that in a negative light when it is in fact a neutral cue. Keep at it. That's really the only way to get better at it, i'm afraid.

[heybaetae]

There were a few parasocial relationship discussions in the past week on reddit and someone brought up Jungkook almost every time as someone who leans more into the parasocial relationship with his fans - or enables it, I'm not sure how to word it properly. And it made me a little confused because to me, it doesn't seem like he does it? Or maybe I'm not that delulu to think that what he's doing Is indeed parasocial sometimes, or I don't fully understand what counts as parasocial with an idol. So I wanted to ask: do you think that he's leaning a bit into it?

If I remember correctly they brought up him calling the fans as his girlfriend(s) - I honestly just took that as a joke but Idk? - and him folding his underwear on camera - again very confusing to me because why is that parasocial? - and him sleeping on camera - well okay I can see why This counts as parasocial, but the others?

Sure, compared to idols who only do the necessary fanservice and rarely interact with fans he really does a lot more, like he had a million lives this year alone and he shared his recipes with us and gifted songs and etc. but I still don't know. Is it really more parasocial than it should be and I'm just simply not noticing it? 😅

i think his dynamic with the fandom is appropriately parasocial enough without it becoming overly codependent even though some would probably argue that it might feel that way from time to time. he's expressed that the fandom can't be excluded from his life and i believe he really feels that way since ARMY have been a constant in his life for a decade from such a young age and that's a big factor into why it's so strongly important to him.

i think he leaned into it way more than ever this year on purpose because he knew there'd be a temporary pause eventually and he wanted to make the most of his spare time with us in a less stress-inducing way while being in full control of it. consider how rare that's been in his long career, everything from your fanmeets/concerts to your scheduled livestreams at the company building being orchestrated and planned out for you. him deciding to say "fuck it i wanna chat with fans whenever i feel like it" and kickstarting the habit of going live from home without telling anyone at work first and letting it become a regular thing was a conscious decision he likely put thought into after he got away with it the first couple times. i'm not implying he didn't have control of that before, but there was always an obvious protocol to follow for safety reasons, which is understandable, but he wanted to take the risk and so he did. other members would later follow that example too.

i think sometimes people misunderstood him or purposely misconstrued his words on those lives, especially his jokes or his way of expressing his thoughts/feelings to fit their own narrative or image of him. people want him to fit the mold they've created in their heads of him, so no matter how often he came live and was vulnerable and honest with us, people still looked for ways and reasons to dictate what he did, how he felt, how he meant something differently from what he said when he couldn't have been more clear, etc.

i can't make you see something differently from how you already do. i don't love the term "delulu" in this sort of context because like you said, a lot of the normal things he let us see on his lives were normal every-day chores and not everyone is going to consider it very parasocial to have seen it, but how often do you hear of idols letting their fans in that much? hardly ever. it was fun for both parties because it was unexpected and sometimes spontaneous (like sleeping/cooking/exercising) and he felt comfortable enough to do certain things with an audience. we're talking about someone who'd been mostly ghost online for like two years. someone who has a history of being very shy. it meant a lot to fans to see him come out of his shell and grow even more comfortable with us, even if it sometimes put him in some unsafe situations because unfortunately, there are some really scary people out there. idk where the parasocial quota is, so i can't say what it "should be" but i can tell you i've never seen any famous person engage with their fans in as pure of a way as he did this year.

#ask

[electricbluebutterflies]

“rise and shine, sweet thing." for hellcheer

PG-ish, pre-relationship, also on ao3.

It takes Chrissy a hot moment to piece together the last twelve hours or so of her life.

Body, intact but with the kind of pulsing headache that reminds her that canned margaritas do not mess around. Clothes still on as she remembers them. Currently curled up under a ridiculous amount of blankets on a couch that’s probably older than she is. Currently…

“Rise and shine, sweet thing.”

There are, at least, some very obvious explanations for all of the above. She’ll take what she can get.

It takes Chrissy a few more moments to open her eyes, to fully process that the boy she has a crush on is hovering over her, and the first thing she thinks is that his hair is apparently a mess in the mornings and braiding it before sleep would really help and-

She shouldn’t be having these thoughts yet. A certain part of her brain figures she might as well, given everything else, but-

“I didn’t dream,” she says before he can even ask. “Promise.”

The way she sees it, the way she explains this particularly long summer, Eddie Munson is a person constantly in need of a project and protecting her keeps him out of trouble. It’s a decent trade, all factors considered, and Chrissy’s gotten all too comfortable with it, and-

“Good to know, also not my starting question.”

“Which was going to be…?”

“I know you’re an ethereal being and all, but that couch is still not something anyone falls asleep on voluntarily.”

There are… definitely a few questions she has about what goes on in his mind sometimes, but she’s decided his intentions to treat her like a fairy princess are at least harmless so it’s easier to just let those comments go. Sweet, if a little weird, and-

“And I did because…?”

“I suggested the floor. We compromised.”

Again. Canned margaritas do not mess around.

“You could’ve moved me. I’m tiny enough.”

“Wasn’t sure…”

“I trust you. And I don’t remember that part of the night anyways. A few moments in your arms probably wouldn’t have registered.”

“Still. Principle of the thing. Don’t do anything to questionably conscious women. Except make a blanket nest for them, I wasn’t sure…”

Late summer in southern Indiana isn’t the time of year most people want cocoon mode, but Chrissy runs cold – small body, almost no fat on her even now – and she’s not complaining about her current condition. “Perfectly fine.”

“I don’t… do this. I’m not-“

He’s particularly cute when he’s awkward, she thinks, not quite blushy but like the boy version of it all the same, usual confidence ignored for a while and-

Her hands poke out of the blanket nest and take his. “You take care of me. You’re good at that.”

“Least I can-“

“Stop, okay? You’re real and… it means a lot to me.”

This isn’t what they could become, she knows, not yet and maybe not for a while. She’s taking a year off before college – needs to make sure she’s physically okay before she moves an hour and a half from home – and her mom’s hoping she’ll use that time to find a nice boy and get married and… she’s done one of those things, and the other could still absolutely happen, and-

“Good reminder you have low standards,” Eddie laughs.

“Eclectic, not low.”

“Remind me, you drink bad instant coffee?”

“I do when I’m here…”

He takes care of her, she thinks as she shifts her position under the blanket nest and decides she doesn’t get why he hates that couch so much. Maybe, maybe someday she’ll take care of him too.

#ebf writes fic #hellcheer #queue

[seriouslysam8]

would you consider reposting Legerdemain in ao3? i love next gen, and it’s really hard to find them, especially ones with lily.i would love to it, i love your others fics!

Short answer: no.

Look, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you like a story while it is being posted, you need to show your support to the writer. I write as a hobby, for free, and I get my motivation from knowing there are others who like my story. I need that validation to keep writing. Because if I don’t get it, I become discouraged. It doesn’t mean I stop writing, I just stop posting.

Towards the end of Legerdemain, I was at that point. I got so much flake for the way I portrayed some of the next gen characters, I had people tell me they would skip entire sections of the story because they hated one of the characters and then would complain the story made no sense (no shit, Sherlock), and I just had a very tough time even finishing the story. I mean, honestly, I didn’t finish it. There was supposed to be an epilogue I just didn’t write because I couldn’t find the motivation. I’m sure the last 10ish chapters probably weren’t my best work and sucked because I was severely demotivated.

I just wasn’t happy with the story. I wasn’t happy with my writing ability with it because my lack of drive to finish. And there was another external factor of something happening around that time that made me want to delete the story but I’m not going to get into that. So I deleted it for my own piece of mind. I deleted it for my mental health.

I don’t like criticism on my work. I just don’t. Mainly because it’s a hobby and I do it for free. I just want to gush about these characters we love and put them in heartbreaking scenarios, you know?? I had two people send me hate for Brontide not that long ago (I mean I wrote that two+ years ago) and I responded back to be kind and not discouraging. They had the gall to tell me they were trying to make me a better writer. No, you were nitpicking and had nothing nice to say so fuck off. One even told me they helped fanfic writers become real authors but they don’t want to bother with me if I can’t take criticism. Like yeah fucking right. They were so full of shit it wasn’t even funny. And, at the end of the day, I’m not doing this professionally. This is supposed to be fun, you know? And Legerdemain, towards the end, became not fun for me.

If you like a story or an author, leave a review. It doesn’t have to be an essay. It doesn’t have to be super long. But it helps motivate authors to finish stories. It helps authors not delete stories they are self-conscious about. It doesn’t take a lot to be kind. If you don’t like something, there’s an x. Don’t comment or criticize. Never criticize unless an author says, “Please, give me constructive feedback.” But that also doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole about it either.

So, anyway, I will never repost the story. Ever. I hate it. It’s just a stain on my fandom time to me. It was the least fun experience I have ever had. Be kind. Be supportive. And if you don’t like, don’t read.

[seeminglyseph]

Every now and then I get so used to people posting other people’s videos or people being so big on tumblr that they just ignore most of the reblogs they get that I mostly consider my comments lost in the noise. I rarely comment something like. Mean??? As far as I am aware. Sometimes my social skills are garbage, but I mean, intentionally I don’t go out of my way to be mean.

Every now and then I find out by accident I’ve contributed to a meme chain, though the nature of tumblr notifications being what they are sometimes I don’t find that out until like. A year later and that post is on fucking Facebook and someone’s posting an Alberta meme and there’s me making a dumb fucking offhanded comment about our constant vigilance on rat control. “See; the main thing that seems to come up if you google sephet besides the restaurant in Istanbul”

I do have a hopefully warm memory of one time in a half conscious state I commented on a video where a guy had gotten makeup done by his sister and I suggested a beard contour without fully realizing that like. The video was posted on tumblr and someone would see it, and I just think like… a lot of people with beards have commented insecurity about the look of their skin or beard and if you’re on the topic of makeup already, I thought the fact that there are makeup products made for beard shaping and contouring bearded faces is like. Spread the word. I was worried immediately that guy would think I was calling him patchy when like. The real statement was about like. Gender neutral makeup use, and foundation and contour looks that include and incorporate facial hair and accentuate a “masculine” face without giving up the “glam” of makeup. Which I didn’t go into a rant on but I figured a post about a bearded man looking excellent in makeup might benefit from “oohhh!! Also!! Beard contour exists!! It’s not as well known because men are less likely to wear makeup and they are more likely to have the full beards and need beard contour but it can complete a Look!” Kinda idea.

I am still half asleep so bad damn. I don’t have a point I just can’t sleep and feel like gaaaarbage. And my brain is spewing thoughts that are tumbling around in my head…

I need to figure out a way to try and save my hair. So much keeps falling out. I feel like I need to just cut it all off again, but it seems like a shame after I tried so hard to grow it this long… I don’t know why I’m doing that when I don’t know a thing at all to do with long hair and it’s both too thin and fine for me to do anything with it at any length.

I need to try and commit to getting less overwhelmed by stuff and washing it more often maybe, and maybe stress and hygiene is the problem. Maybe I need a better hair brush and maybe a better scalp treatment… dunno what. All the information is confusing, and sometimes even the advice isn’t really about hair in my type that needs help, it’s hair already doing better. And the places giving advice can be very rude about how beyond help my heart type needs. (Sorry guys with great hair who get asked questions about their hair and decided to make advice sections about it, it must be really hard for you to have been born with a different hair type and have to explain that over and over to people. But like. There is a point at which being being called ugly and balding etc is making me feel like “one day you will no longer be 22 and I hope when you find yourself facing the ways age and or stress or other factors of nature or environment effect your body people will be kinder to you” but also “I hope one person calls you bald and you think about that one person a lot and see yourself in them a little” because I’m a little bit of a cunt sometimes.

I did have a conversation once about growing up white and hair care and like “uh I obviously don’t speak for everyone but there was no ‘touching moments of learning and bonding as a family’ like I was just in charge of it once I knew how to comb it or put it in a ponytail. That’s part of why I cut it off when I was a kid. Hell it was falling out by the fistful when I was a teenager and there really wasn’t any help or guidance. And my mom’s an ex-hairdresser. She could cut it but that just meant I didn’t have control, but I didn’t have guidance. And in general all the shampoo and conditioner in drugstores suck and are made of the same shit with different scents and slightly different ingredients. But it’s mostly water and a few handfuls of soap chemicals. If you feel like they’re making shitty Black targeted products it’s like. Par for the course with most of their other products we just have no standards for good haircare because literally none of us have been taught to take care of ourselves.”

This is overly broad and I am aware I am a child of neglect so like. “Your experience is not universal” so like. Probably some people have parents who like. Taught them to style their hair and how to do self care in a proper way etc, but like. I do feel like I’m not as much of an anomaly as I sometimes think I am, and the fact that there’s a bunch of of white people who also straight up don’t know shit like “what the fuck *am* I supposed to do with my hair???” Or like. “Do I just exist in a perpetual state of dry skin?” Or any number of self care hygiene practices I guess we’re re badly co-opting like the Korean 7 step skincare routine. Which I admit I’m too lazy to follow when I sometimes have to fight the Mental Eelness to get my face clean at all.

Actually now I’m wondering how much is a product of extreme neglect, I’ve met people with the similar upbringing of “here’s a hairbrush, here’s shampoo and conditioner, congratulations you know how to manage your hair. It’s your responsibility now” as soon as I passed through the “no longer a doll I can style and dress up to do as I please” phase, but that might actually be one of those “no seph, that’s another one of those ‘your mom really liked babysitting and had no concept of what being a parent was’ things” and significantly less normal than I think it was.

I realized last night that I’ve spent so much time since I was young having my parents vent to me about their regrets that I have become like. Paralyzed by fear of being similarly burdened by regrets and in the end I’m still full of regrets and I am not sure what to do about that. But I do know that my mom has long since crossed a boundary with me by making me her like. Confidant and shoulder to cry on and comfort and vent space. Knowing all her frustrations about my dad and his family, her nostalgia and longing for her home and childhood, her insecurity and regret. I know I was an accident conceived while she was stoned and didn’t feel like telling my dad to use protection. I know my mom took my behaviour as personal attacks against her, just trying to make her life specifically more difficult. Not trying to make my life easier or trying to figure out anything about myself, it was directly tied to how it affected her and upset her. She doesn’t know what this fully means, just that she was wrong about her interpretation. She will not go to therapy because she insists she’s fine, I cannot convince her that she’s not and it’s weighing on me.

I don’t have a point, I think I’m just vent blogging about. Stress. I don’t know. My stomach hurts.

#my life

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, INFJ here (very Ti heavy, with immature Fe due to trauma) trying to mend my relationship with my ENTJ boss of more than a year. He strikes me as very Te-Se, not much Ni and very little F. I gave some very harshly worded constructive feedback (in private) about the corporate direction (and to some extent, him as a person) while stressed out (one of my PTSD triggers was set off by him being pretty pushy).

First of all, I totally recognize I messed up by giving such harsh feedback. My conscious intention was just to protect myself from his pushiness (by establishing boundaries, e.g. not working over the holidays) and also improve the company, but I see I was also motivated by PTSD related anger. Honestly I was actually thinking a bit of how transformative your blunt criticism of me has been, but that's obviously totally inappropriate in a corporate and unsolicited setting. The feedback I delivered to him was reminiscent of your style in your most critical messages.

While he initially said he agreed with most of my feedback at a content level, after my final message (the most harsh yet, which was the most direct in saying that I think he is overestimating his competence in certain areas, and also has weak interpersonal skills) he seemed really shocked and upset and said the trust has been broken in our relationship. He even seemed paranoid, and told me he had initially wondered if I was intentionally trying to sabotage him by quitting suddenly (which was his expectation upon receiving my final message, in which I did say I was considering quitting due to my disagreements with the technical strategy).

He has complimented me a ton on my work in front of the whole company as well as in private, gave me one of the biggest bonuses, etc. and my perception is that he felt extremely disrespected by me questioning his competence and vision. I apologized and was open with him about my PTSD and the other factors that influenced me to communicate in such a harsh way. And he seemed somewhat mollified and spent a lot of time addressing the content of my feedback with me. But, I know I need to work hard to improve the relationship. Do you have any advice? I'm in therapy for my emotional dysregulation, anger management, and interpersonal skill issues more generally, but just was wondering if you had specific advice for this situation given the types involved.

I had friction with another ENTJ that also ended with mutual paranoia and dislike. And notice more generally that I can struggle with types without Fe and/or Ne. Maybe I should compliment him more to show him I respect him, for example? My current thinking is to continue to be humble and apologize, do great work, give praise when it feels authentic, and share more openly of myself and what I'm working on regarding my communication skills and PTSD symptoms.

Also, one reason I'm so bold with voicing my opinions is that I'm also most likely going to finish my PhD and either leave the company or switch to part time. I've been direct with them about that as well. And also am fortunate to have a decent amount of other companies reaching out to me, so I guess I don't feel afraid. On a conscious level, I'm just motivated by love of myself and the mission of this company, but I can see that I have a lot to deal with on an unconscious level.

---------------------

Your last sentence about having a lot to deal with on an unconscious level is correct. Unless you address it, mending the relationship will be of limited effectiveness, because the underlying issues could easily flare up again in the future.

1) Emotional Intelligence: PTSD has a negative effect on emotional regulation. It leads one to overreact to emotional triggers. While negative emotions come and go of their own volition, you can learn to exercise more pause and care over how you respond to them. Things you need to learn/do (preferably in therapy):

emotional awareness: be aware of feelings/emotions sooner, when they first arise

emotional mindfulness: respond to feelings/emotions rationally and constructively when they are mild, as opposed to waiting and enabling escalation and even destruction

emotional triggers: figuring out what yours are, why they exist, and how to manage them in a variety of situations

emotional gauging: how to quickly tell when you are too emotionally triggered to function well and should step back

emotional management: the best strategies for disarming or deescalating situations and calming down when triggered

processing emotions: communicate about feelings/emotions in a way that is open and authentic but also respectful and kind

practice: exposing yourself to situations where you can practice the above and reflect on your performance

progress: defining benchmarks for keeping track of your improvement and areas that require more attention

2) Social Intelligence: Social skills are an ongoing thing to work on. Your behavior crossed all sorts of lines. You weren't offering constructive criticism out of care and compassion for someone who needed and requested help; you were airing your grievances out of hurt, anger, and arrogance. The fact that you couldn't tell the difference is very concerning. It indicates troubling issues with projection, judgmentalness, and lack of healthy boundaries.

It's good you admit your mistakes and want to take responsibility. However, people often struggle to take responsibility, even when they want to, because their perspective is problematic and they don't realize it. Try as they might, they keep losing control. For example, you say you have difficulty getting along with certain types. This is a subtle way of pointing the finger. When you don't own your emotions and triggers but, instead, claim that people trigger you, you put yourself in the position of helpless victim. As a victim, you're not in control. You can't avoid certain types forever. Leaving your emotions at the mercy of others, it becomes inevitable that relationship after relationship gets blown up. This pattern is common in INFJs who struggle with Fe development and Ti loop.

On an unconscious level, it is advantageous to frame yourself as the victim (for example, of other people's pushiness) because then you can subtly convince yourself that you are fine and would've been fine had they not been so pushy. In other words, when you don't fully own the problem, you won't really feel compelled to resolve it properly, then you won't gain the upper hand over it, and it is likely to recur.

It sounds like your boss did a lot to support and encourage you, i.e., to honor his part of the relationship. He is your superior and you the subordinate, thus, he doesn't owe you any kind of special treatment, nor should he elevate your opinion to the level of his peer. As a subordinate, what gives you the right to offer him unsolicited advice and personal criticism? You say you weren't afraid to vent, which is a manifestation of arrogance, of not having to care about anyone's feelings because you can just walk away from the destruction you wrought. Yet he still responded reasonably to your malicious criticism. Why? Probably because he cared about you as more than just a subordinate. Being ENTJ, he likely saw your potential and wanted to go the extra mile to nurture it, even when he had no obligation to.

While it's good to want to establish boundaries, it shouldn't be done through force or aggression, and especially not through anger. Anger may be the catalyst, but it cannot be the means. In a healthy relationship, boundaries should be negotiated through artful communication. But this hinges on your ability to: be aware of your boundaries, explain to people where they lie and why, and make respectful requests of people to honor them. If you weren't able to communicate authentically and instead left your feelings to fester/escalate into full blown anger, you dishonored yourself by not caring enough for your own well-being at the start. By attacking him personally, you dishonored the care and investment he put into the relationship. Yes, the trust is broken. You can't unstab someone.

If you truly want to mend this relationship, then answer this question: On what basis should he believe that this relationship is still worth investing in? How would he benefit from it? When you hyperfocus on how people mistreat you and you don't show enough acknowledgement/appreciation for the good aspects of the relationship, you've proven yourself too self-centered, so why should someone want to try again? Your personal attack on him belies an unhealthy judgmentalness and dishonesty on your part (symptoms of Ti loop). How can he be sure that you even like him after the things you've said? How can he be sure that you're not secretly harboring all kinds of negative opinions that will lead you to hurt him again any time you feel triggered/displeased? You don't like to think that people are secretly judging you, do you? Maybe that's what you've led him to believe by venting so aggressively and unexpectedly at him.

Having healthy Fe involves valuing feelings and emotions and using them as a reliable navigation tool in relationships. Healthy Fe helps you maintain respectful, kind, and fair relations with people. What have you done to develop Fe? In his mind, you were chugging along fine, better than fine, and then you suddenly blew up. Without healthy Fe, you can't see yourself from his perspective. What did he see? You acted like a promising employee, then you threw a tantrum like a child, then you wanted him to be understanding of your psychological issues like a therapist, and now you're the apologetic lover trying to assuage your guilt? Any reasonable person would be confused by these sudden shifts in relationship roles and expectations. You've forced him onto quite the roller coaster ride.

Generally speaking, when you've hurt someone and want to rebuild trust, you have to demonstrate that you've learned and changed and are now ready for a healthy relationship. Offer a genuine apology first and foremost. Exercise empathy. Express your care for them. Prove that you understand their perspective and what they've been through. Honor their contributions to the relationship. Make clear what you will contribute to the relationship from this point forward.

What kind of relationship do you want with him exactly? Do you want it to be strictly professional, as superior and subordinate? No feelings, you just do your job and walk away at the end of the day? Do you want him to be a mentor, a friend, or something else? What do you owe each other in a professional relationship? What kinds of duties and obligations are reasonable to place on each other? Define the relationship properly and stick to those lines and boundaries. Boundary setting is also an issue that can be addressed in therapy.

#infj #infj relationships #auxiliary fe #ti loop #emotional intelligence #boundaries #relationships #ask

[thenightdayblogger]

3, 7, and 10 for the couple of your choosing if you’re taking these!!

thank you for the ask ken! couple ask game here (x) im using my original characters, cordelia and marius also this got so. so massively long sorry i feel like i was possessed x

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh...I adore them...”

Marius and Cordelia's early relationship took work (after a period in which they just didn't like each other), they both had to make the conscious effort at first to engage positively with the other, in a way that didn't come natural to them. I think that the first things that could be considered romantic affection rather then platonic were;

Cordelia: There's a scene I have in mind where Marius makes the assumption that Cordelia would marry for advantage, and when asked why, methodically lays out his reasoning (she's practical, she wants access to aristocratic titles and wealth, nobles often don't marry for love so she'd be able to leverage her skill to marry higher then she might have otherwise). and hes right LMAO. I think that Cordelia is both embarrassed of and fiercely defensive of her calculation, which is a little too much to get into here, but having someone not pass a value judgment, while simultaneously acknowledging her skill as an alchemist is enough for her to start looking at him in a different light.

Marius: I think their back-and-forth, argument/banter about alchemy was really what set off the whole thing, water on stone deal. that her mask slips off and she's passionate and determined and bitingly witty. either that or the first time she said something perfectly polite with a :) that just makes the entire thing extremely cutting. loved that. probably praised it on the carriage ride home.

7. Do they (or would they) pursue the other character’s affection, and if so, how? Do they tell the other character how they feel? Try to earn their admiration? Woo them with romantic gestures? Flirt with them, skillfully or otherwise?

Cordelia: related to the question below, but yeah there are a lot of conflicting factors for Cordelia. Publicly, people who know her very well are the only ones who could tell there's anything going on (not applicable to marius who has not been in enough social situations for anyone to accurately quantify if he's acting weird or not), and talking about alchemy's probably the one place she might slip. The massive class disparity is part of it, and while their relationship is one of equals/partners, she is technically his apprentice. I don't know if she flirts, per se, but she's definitely the main driver of romantic interactions. she can only handle so much pining this woman is goal-oriented.

Marius: marius figures out cordelia is in love with him when she says 'im in love with you' and kisses him. when he realized he was in love with her i think he lay face-down on the floor for eight hours, and every time he interacted with her over the next two weeks he had to take a breather after. so. no.

10. What scares them about entering a relationship?

Cordelia: relationships in general, having feigned some part of herself that makes them care about her. this relationship in particular—all her work being dismissed/insinuations cast that she slept her way to the top. Also, it going badly and losing the one other alchemist she's ever felt like treated her as an equal and someone with interesting and valuable insight.

Marius: that if she knew everything about him she'd never speak to him again

thank you again for the ask ken <3

#my god where did this lore come from #cordelia marchand #marius arsenault #i know if you read this youre like wow marius is weird. and yeah thats true but #do not be fooled by cordelia she is also exceedingly weird. my lovely machiavellian alchemist who can only be foiled from her machinations #by her love of quantum physics #ask game

[maylorscardigan]

I noticed you’ve spoken very loudly about Joe and his treatment of Taylor. You’ve discussed controversy with Matty. But I’ve never seen you mention the GG issue. Can’t defend him on that one can you? He’s a disgusting human being for that.

I knew this was bound to come up. I was hoping to save it for my blog I’m building on topics like this. But okay. I’ll address it.

Why am I not outraged by Matty and GG 🌽? Well…

My ex that I have mentioned before was a 🌽 addict. We aren’t talking normal levels of consumption here. We are talking hours spent a day looking for the right material. Self pleasuring 6-8 times a day on a good day. Being abusive towards me because of the addiction. Doing and saying things I would never, ever repeat to anyone. Even when he knew my history… it never stopped it. It just made the things he did to me worse.

I also have spent a lot of time working with victims of sex trafficking. I myself was a victim of it - for a few decades at that.

I know the harsh realities of the 🌽 industry. I know that most of what you see on 🌽 hub or any of the millions of sites - including NSFW Reddit or OnlyFans are trafficking. The fact that someone is verified and seemingly willing to do said things - doesn’t mean they are. It’s amazing what you will be forced to make people believe. All the controllers need is some weakness. Need it be a child to threaten to harm or worse, family, loved ones etc or a slew of other things. Or the fact that deep fake technology is used on even the most basic of materials in order to keep things like their bodies completely unrealistic as well as hide the victims identity better.

And I know what you’re thinking - this should make me even more enraged at him and to hate his guts for it. Is it something I necessarily like about him? No. Not at all.

However - Matty is the type of guy that if he knew the deep underbelly of the industry and what it was really like… he would step away from it as a hole or try to be more conscious about what he consumes.

Remember - we also don’t know what his sex life is actually like. There are people all over the world who engage in that sort of degrading and physically brutal sexual acts by choice - and I am not referring to what he may have been consuming. I am referring to the private of one’s home. He has been in a long term relationship with a woman of colour to which he said he was going to marry one day and again - we have no idea what they did behind closed doors. It could have even been curiosity and someone happened to walk in.

The point is - attacking one man and shaming them is not going to fix the problem. It’s a witch hunt. If we go after Matty for this then we have to go to the men and women around you each and every day of your life. Including family members or friends. Most of the world’s populations have watched and used 🌽 to get off. (I’m talking teenagers and adults) and some of those you interact with day to day have seen things that make GG look innocent and it’s far more popular.

The issue isn’t with one man - because there’s 40,000 other people subscribed to that channel in the hub. The views of these videos are multimillion. But we live in a society where we are told it’s normal and you’re a prude or a liar if you don’t watch it.

Me raging and going after Matty about this is not only going to do nothing to solve the problem but shaming someone is going to make them more likely to do so it. Shame is a driving factor in addictions and 🌽 is no different.

I chose too, instead, educate people on the realities of the industry and how real trafficking is when it comes to that kind world. I fight for change and awareness and I do whatever I can for victims getting out and trying to heal and be out in the world again. I also work with victims of trafficking directly as well as partners of those who have sex / 🌽 addiction.

All any of this is - is a witch hunt. And the people who watch these things casually are not bad or horrible people. They believe whatever you see on sites like 🌽 hub or many others is consensual.

If the people ripping him apart took even a 1/10000 of that rage for one man and put it towards awareness… it might be a very different reality.

#taylor swift #matty healy #the 1975 #maylor #tatty #matty and taylor #taylor and matty #anon #addiction #corn addiction