#also the book that inspired this is actually really good YALL should give it a read | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ppangjae · 4 years

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Song for a Little Sparrow | Jaehyun

SUMMARY. As a burnt out painter, you packed one suitcase and flew a one-way trip to Paris in hopes of finding your passion again. In the city of love, the last thing you expected was to bump into a man who doesn’t believe in love. But you do, and you find yourself showing him the wonders of love and falling in love. Just don’t fall in love with him.

or: “How can you not believe in love and think it’s stupid when you’re in Paris, the city of love?”

WORD COUNT. 13.7k+ words (BIG OOF)

playlist. howl’s moving castle | song for a little sparrow by patricia kaas | loose by daniel caesar | we find love by daniel caesar

author’s note. yall she is finally here. oof. this is unedited, so please keep that in mind if you ever come across a typo! also, i just wanted to say thank you for 1k! happy reading~

“You’re going to regret doing this!”

But you don’t.

Your father’s voice echoes through your head as you’re stepping out on the balcony of your hotel room to get a good look of the Eiffel Tower that’s located a couple of blocks away. A soft, happy sigh escapes your lips as you bask in the sunlight that’s hitting your skin. You bring up your fresh mug of coffee to your lips to take a sip.

Your father thinks you’re many things, one of them being absolutely crazy. The look of sheer panic and shock on his face as you walked out of the house with nothing but one suitcase and a one-way plane ticket to Paris remains etched in your mind. You wish you could draw it out and frame it just to put it up in your room for inspiration. Now that you think about it, you are crazy. You’re crazy and impulsive. It’s not normal for you to pack your things and leave the city months after your successful art exhibition. What’s normal is that you should be sitting in your art room, painting on canvas for your next, upcoming art exhibition that everyone is waiting for. But the view of the Eiffel Tower and the atmosphere of love surrounding you is just too hard to resist. And no, you don’t regret doing this.

You might.

But you’ll worry about that later.

“Why are you calling me so early in the morning?”

You let out a snort. Jungwoo’s pixelated face appears on your screen when he flips to the front camera of his phone. “Good morning to you too.”

“Holy shit, why is it so bright?” He squints his eyes that are blinded by the sunrise that you’re showing him with your phone’s camera. It takes him two seconds to realize it. “Why the fuck are you in Paris?”

“Vacation.” You flash him an innocent smile. But it’s a smile he knows so well. “I’m here for vacation—”

“You and I both know that you are not in Paris for vacation.” He cuts you off.

“Fine. I’m burnt out.”

“But—”

“And bored,” you add, cutting him off. “Which is why I’m in Paris.”

“I wish I was rich enough to fly to Paris just because I felt bored.” He scoffs, sitting up in his bed. “Why did you call me again? Wait, does your father know that you’re in Paris?”

“Yes, he knows.” You answer his second question. As for his first question.. “I called you because I can’t choose which art museum I should go to.”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? It’s three in the morning, Y/N—”

“The Louvre, Petit Palais, or Musée d’Orsay?”

He falls silent for a brief moment. You take this as a chance to take another sip of your coffee that’s run cold. You wince, placing your mug of coffee onto the patio table.

“The Louvre.”

“Nice choice.” You smile. “Musée d’Orsay it is.”

“I’m seriously going to kill you when you come back,” he lets out a string of curses. “Why’d you even ask me in the first place?”

“Sleep tight, love.”

He scoffs. He falls back against his bed. “Fuck you.”

And he hangs up without saying goodbye.

“Keep the change.”

The ticket vendor looks utterly speechless by his presence. He can tell by the way the coins clink together from the nervous shaking of her hands. She stares at him for a second longer before smiling sheepishly. She retreats her hand and places the coins back into the cash register.

“Enjoy your visit, Mr. Jeong.”

He gives her a timid smile before venturing off into the art museum. It’s normal to see people doing double-takes on him whenever he’s in the same room as them. He’s used to being distracted and losing his train of thought when someone lightly nudges him with a notepad and pen. But ever since he landed in Paris, he’s gotten a ton of looks and a ton of autograph requests from different people and he’s not sure what to feel or how to react.

He finds himself walking into Pierre-Auguste Renoir’s exhibition. The room is somewhat empty, with an old couple admiring the Dance at Bougival and a couple of teenagers taking pictures of the art. He spots a familiar painting at the far end of the room. He’s drawn to it with his feet having a mind of its own, leading him to the painting.

Dance in the Country. His eyes scan the picture. His eyes stop on the unidentified woman watching the couple dance from the background. She must have a story, he thinks to himself, before his thoughts are cut short when—

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but are you Jeong Jaehyun, by any chance?”

He tears his gaze from the painting to meet eyes with a young woman. She looks like a student. As he’s nodding his head, her eyes light up and she immediately rummages through her bag to pull out his best-selling book. Along with a copy of his book, she pulls out a permanent marker.

“I love your work!” She exclaims. “It’s such a huge coincidence bumping into you at an art museum. Wow. I can’t believe it.”

Adorable. He gives her a warm smile as he gently takes the book and marker from her small hands. He takes the cap off the marker with his teeth. While holding the cap in between his teeth, he makes his signature on the front cover of his book. The young woman looks up at him with admiration. Once he signs the book, he hands her the book and places the cap back onto the marker.

“Wow. Thank you so much! I won’t disturb you any longer.” She smiles. She looks starstruck. “I hope you enjoy your stay here in Paris and I look forward to your next book!”

He chuckles. “Thank you. It was nice to meet you.”

The young lady sends him a small wave before joining her group of friends. As she reaches up to them, they start teasing her for being such a shy baby. His face softens. He shifts his focus back to the painting in front of him. But as he’s turning to look back at the painting, he notices a figure standing beside him from the corner of his eye.

He glances to his left to see a woman who looks somewhat around his age. She’s wearing a long strap dress that flows all the way down to her ankles. Underneath the dress, she’s wearing a white t-shirt. Her long, wavy hair stops just a couple of inches below her shoulders with strands framing her face. He turns back to look at the painting.

“Why do you think there’s a woman hiding in the background of the painting?”

The voice makes you snap out of your gaze. You find yourself looking to your right to meet eyes with a handsome stranger. It takes you a couple of seconds for you to realize who’s standing right beside you. It’s Jeong Jaehyun, the best-selling poet. He’s looking back at you with an innocent gaze that you decide not to identify him as a poet whose work you admire and whose work you religiously read, but as a stranger.

You take one more look at the painting. Dance in the Country. You’ve always been intrigued by the artwork, specifically at the hidden woman watching the dancing couple in the background.

You purse your lips into a tight line. “I think she’s in love with him. That’s why she’s looking at them like that and remaining hidden.”

He folds his arms and tilts his head in confusion. “You think she’s in love with him?”

You’re still a bit taken aback that the Jeong Jaehyun is standing beside you in an art museum in Paris.

“Yes.” You simply answer his question.

He squints his eyes as he falls deep in thought. “I beg to differ.”

“You don’t think she’s in love with him?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t believe in love.”

What? Did you hear that right? “Sorry?”

“I don’t believe in love.” He repeats himself. “Actually, I think love is stupid—”

“Then why are you here?” You blurt out in shock. It comes out rudely and you expect him to feel insulted, but instead, he smirks at you. “How can you not believe in love and think love is stupid when you’re in Paris, the city of love?”

“You have a point. Why exactly am I here?” He thinks aloud.

You blink. What an odd guy. Is he really a poet? A best-selling poet? Is he really the man who wrote the books you’ve read?

“I’d love to hear you argument on how love isn’t real and how love is stupid.”

“I don’t think it needs an explanation.” He shrugs his shoulders. “It is what it is—”

“Damn, who hurt you?” You chuckle.

He has a grin playing across his lips. “If you believe in love so much, then why don’t you prove it to me?”

“How do I know that you’re not a murderer plotting my death?” You raise an eyebrow suspiciously.

“Wait, not to be cocky but,” his eyebrows furrow. “You don’t know who I am?”

You lie. “Should I know who you are?”

You know who he is. You know exactly who he is. He’s Jeong Jaehyun—

“Then that’s all the more reason as to why you should prove me wrong.” He grins. “Prove to me that love is real and that love isn’t stupid.”

“Fine.” You squint your eyes. You let out a huff of breath. “I will. I will prove you wrong, Mr. Stranger.”

He’s completely amused by you. In fact, he’s more amused at the fact that you’re trusting him so easily.

“Where shall we start?” He asks.

You scoff. His grin is immediately wiped off his face.

“Well, you’ve already started. You started the moment you got here, in Paris.”

“I have? Prove it to me.”

“Paris is the city of love! That’s more than enough of a reason as to why love exists and why love isn’t stupid.”

He squints his eyes at you before breaking out into a grin. “I think you’ll need more than that to prove me wrong.”

“I—”

“I’m Jaehyun.” He extends his hand out for you to shake. You raise an eyebrow at him, hesitating to shake his hand, but you do it anyway. His hands are soft. “And do you trust me enough to say that I’m not going to murder you but ask you to grab coffee with me instead?”

It takes you a couple of seconds to realize that you’re still shaking hands. You snap out of it, gently pulling your hand away from his. You fold your arms.

“I’m sure there’s got to be a catch.”

He tilts his head. “Well, you are going to prove to me that love is real and love isn’t stupid, right? Let me thank you in advance by getting you a cup of coffee.”

You smirk.

“Fine.”

“Great—”

“But you’re paying.”

This is going to be a long day.

“You didn’t introduce yourself to me, stranger.”

You find yourselves sitting out on a patio, waiting for your cups of coffee. You tear your gaze away from a couple taking a picture in front of the museum. Sitting right across from you, your eyes meet Jaehyun’s.

“I’m Y/N.” You chuckle. “Nothing special.”

He fiddles with the teaspoon on the table. “You don’t sound like you’re from here.”

You smile. “It’s because I’m not.”

“Vacation?”

You point at him. “Bingo.”

“Nice.” He nods his head.

Right on time, your orders arrive at the table. He ordered himself an iced Americano and you got yourself a cup of cappuccino. He takes a quick sip.

“You don’t sound like you’re from here either,” you add.

“It’s because I’m not.” He copies you.

“Vacation?”

The both of you share a look before bursting out into laughter. He points at you. “Bingo.”

There’s a sudden urge of curiosity that ignites within you. Why is the famous poet, Jeong Jaehyun, in Paris for vacation? Is he currently writing a book? Has he lost inspiration? Is that why he’s here in Paris, to reignite the inspiration he lost since his last published book?

There are a ton of questions running through your mind but it’s funny how if that is the case, you could say you’re in the same boat as him. Why are you in Paris for vacation? Are you currently working on your next exhibition? Did you lose inspiration? Is that why you’re here in Paris, to reignite the inspiration you lost since your last successful art exhibit?

There’s a reason why you bought yourself a one-way plane ticket to Paris with no intentions of flying back for a couple of weeks. You’re in Paris because you lost inspiration and not because you’re working on your next exhibition. After your last art exhibit, you found yourself spiralling into a mess and meeting a familiar friend you didn’t plan on reuniting with; artist’s block.

It was like you suddenly forgot how to pick up a paintbrush.

And that in of itself, is a huge nightmare you wish would never become the end of your career that had just started.

“What do you do for a living?” He asks. You look at him until he clears his throat. “You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to—”

“I’m a painter,” you reply. You smirk. “What kind of question is that? Are we out on a blind date or something? I don’t remember meeting you on Tinder.”

He folds his arms and leans against his chair. “You’re a painter? Like, you paint on canvas?”

“I was expecting more of an enthusiastic reaction or even better, a look of surprise.” You pout. You let out a sigh. “But yes, sorry to disappoint, I’m a painter. I pick up a paintbrush and I make strokes on canvas. That’s what I do for a living.”

He grabs his iced Americano to take another sip before slamming it down onto the table. “I’m sure you’re very talented. You should show me a couple of your paintings. Even better, why don’t you paint me like—”

“Like one of my French girls?” You cut him off.

“You probably get that a lot, huh?”

“I get that a shit ton of times that I am this close to throwing up.”

He chuckles. “God, I feel like throwing up whenever I see a couple out on the street. Like those two over there.”

You follow his line of sight. It falls upon the same couple who are still taking pictures in front of the museum. How long does it take to get a decent picture? You look back at Jaehyun.

“They’re in love. Leave them alone.”

“Yeah, I’ll definitely leave them alone.” He huffs out a breath.

“Stop being such a con artist, I’m sure you’ve been in love before.”

“I have—”

“And it was a nice feeling, right?”

“It was more so disappointing.”

Jaehyun looks at you as you suddenly clasp your hands together. The sudden movement slightly shakes the table, causing some of your drink to spill out of the mug. His eyebrows raise. You look at him with bright eyes and you beam.

“I have an idea.”

“What’s your idea?”

You smile. “I know how to prove you wrong.”

“And how are you going to prove me wrong, Y/N?”

“How long are you going to be here for?” You question.

He folds his arms. “Two weeks. I’m flying back home in two weeks.”

“Perfect!” You exclaim. “Two weeks is all I need.”

“What tricks are you hiding up your sleeve?”

“I’m going to take you out on dates for two weeks.” You explain your plan that you’ve suddenly come up with on the spot. “And on those dates, I’ll prove to you that love exists.”

“And you expect this to work?”

You nod your head. “One hundred percent.”

“How do you know for sure?” He squints his eyes at you.

“If you don’t feel some sort of way after going out on dates with me, then love isn’t real. But if you do feel some sort of way, then love is real.” You explain.

“So, basically, if I fall in love with you, love is real. But if I don’t fall in love with you, then love isn’t real?”

“Perfect!” You exclaim.

“So, your goal is to make me fall in love with you?” He laughs.

“Yes, but at the same time, no.” You try to make things clear.

“Is that even possible?”

“It’s possible!”

He looks at you as if you’ve gone insane. He’s slowly starting to regret striking up a conversation with you at the museum. He’s slowly starting to regret taking you out for a cup of coffee. He’s slowly starting to regret arguing that love isn’t real and that love is stupid—

You smile.

“It’s possible. Just don’t fall in love with me.”

“It’s seven in the morning—”

“I know.”

It is seven in the morning when Jaehyun is bombarded with new text notifications, urging him to get out of bed. He almost mistakenly picks up his pocket journal instead of his phone that’s dinging every two seconds. Scattered across the marble floors of his luxury hotel are crumpled up pieces of paper with horrible drafts of his poetry. He should probably clean that up before the housekeepers come in to vacuum the space.

“You’re really persistent on proving me wrong, huh?”

He can hear you grinning on the other line of the phone call. “I smell victory already. Now, get your ass out of bed. We’re going out on your first date.”

“We’re already going out on my first date?” Jaehyun smirks. “Shouldn’t we get to know each other first?”

You deadpan, rolling on the balls of your feet as you wait for the bus to arrive. There are two things you learned about Jeong Jaehyun for the past twenty-four hours you’ve encountered him. Flirty. You’re not sure if being a poet means you’re automatically a hopeless romantic or someone who’s incredibly great at flirting, but just by his eyes and the way he interacts with people show how flirty he can be. Charming. Jeong Jaehyun has an aura that he carries around with him whenever he’s out in public. He has a unique charm that draws people to him like a magnet. You consider yourself one of those people, now that you’re waiting for a bus that leads you to the address of his hotel.

“You know my name, isn’t that already enough?”

“How do I know that you’re not a murderer plotting my death?” He copies you and it makes you let out a scowl.

“If I was a murderer, I would’ve had you murdered by now.” He giggles and you find yourself smiling.

“What should I wear to this date, Y/N?” He teases.

The bus arrives. It takes you a couple of seconds to answer his question. You finally get the chance to answer his question when you take a seat next to the window. “You should wear something comfortable.”

“Like pajamas?”

“Alright, not too comfortable.” You laugh.

“Are you on the way? Are you picking me up in a luxury car?” He opens the closet to skim through his limited amount of clothing that he brought with him. His hands stop when they reach a loose white t-shirt. He takes it off the hanger along with a pair of jeans and a leather belt.

“What do you take me for? A millionaire?”

“More like a billionaire.”

“Shut up.”

Half an hour later, you find yourself standing in front of Hôtel de Crillon. You’re staring at the luxury hotel with your mouth slightly hanging open in awe. As a bus drives past you, your eyes trail down towards the entrance and your eyes meet with a familiar pair.

“Hello there,” you flash him a warm smile.

He shoves his hands into his pockets. He tilts his head at you. “Are you not going to compliment how good I look in my outfit?”

You’re rolling your eyes for the nth time. “You look great—”

“Great but not handsome?”

You frown. “Don’t push it.”

The closer he gets to you, the more nervous you get. You’re not sure why you’re the one feeling nervous when he should be the one feeling jittery. As he approaches you, he boldly throws an arm over your shoulder. He looks down at you. As you slowly look up to meet his gaze, you find your heart skipping a beat too many. He doesn’t look great, he looks charming—

“You look beautiful on this fine day, Y/N. Shall we get going to our date location?”

“How romantic. For a first date, that is.”

Jaehyun peers up at the view in front of him until his trance is disrupted by a little girl on a bike that zooms past him. A soft smile spreads across his lips as he scans the area. The Luxembourg Palace stands right in front of him along with a fountain filled with scattered play boats for kids and a wide grass field that’s perfect for picnic dates.

“Do you like it?”

He glances at you. “I love it.”

“Great!” You exclaim. “We should probably find a spot underneath a tree to have our small picnic.”

He looks down at the medium-sized bag slung over your shoulder. He feels slightly guilty for letting you carry around what seems like a heavy bag on the trip to the garden. “I was wondering why you brought that bag with you.”

You look up at him with bright eyes. It blinds him. “Well, now you know.”

As the both of you are walking across the grass field to sit underneath a tree, you are stopped by a man around your age. He’s holding a film camera in one hand and his phone in the other. You look at him for a brief moment before your eyes land on a beautiful woman sitting on a picnic blanket behind him.

“Excuse me,” the man hesitantly says, making Jaehyun stop in his tracks. Jaehyun quirks an eyebrow questioningly, prompting the man to continue. “Do you mind taking a picture of my girlfriend and I? I have a film camera and my phone. I’ll teach you how to use the film camera.”

Jaehyun turns to look at you as if he’s asking you for permission. “I—”

“Sure!” You exclaim, letting out a soft giggle.

“Oh, thank you so much.” You both hear a shy voice say from behind the man. The woman whom you now identify as the man’s girlfriend, gives you both a shy wave before her cheeks flush pink.

“Do you want photos taken on both the film camera and the phone?” You question.

The man nods his head. “Yes, please. Do you know how to operate the film camera?”

“Fortunately, I do.” You chuckle, gesturing the both of them to get ready for the picture.

Jaehyun’s awkwardly standing next to you, watching you interact with the couple. He’s never felt so awkward in his entire life. He finds himself looking at you as you’re taking a photo of the couple with the phone first.

“Alright, get comfortable with each other. Yes! That’s perfect!” You say with a warm smile. Jaehyun diverts his gaze towards the couple. They’re sitting next to each other with the man’s arm thrown over his girlfriend’s shoulder. “Alright, one, two, three, smile!”

On the count of three, the woman sneakily pecks her boyfriend’s cheek. He’s caught off guard with his eyes slightly widening in surprise. You let out a giggle as it’s all caught on camera. Jaehyun slowly feels entertained by what’s happening right in front of him.

“I’ll take one more picture for good measure,” you insist. The couple smiles and you take another picture on the phone before switching to the film camera. “Alright, I’m switching to this camera now.”

Jaehyun watches the couple get ready to pose for the next picture. They’re both looking at each other with gazes that Jaehyun just can’t seem to explain. He’s never had someone look at him like that, where someone would look at him with eyes full of love and admiration. There’s a small space in his heart that hopes he could experience something like this, if not, something similar.

“Alright, one, two, three!” You take the picture on the film camera. “Wow, I think these are going to turn out beautifully. The two of you are such a beautiful couple.”

The man gets up to get his phone and film camera from you. “Oh, thank you so much.”

“How long have you guys been together?” Jaehyun finds himself asking out of nowhere.

You look at him, surprised that he’s interested in their relationship. The man looks at his girlfriend and smiles. “We’ve been together for a year and two months.”

“Wow, so you guys just celebrated your first anniversary together?” You question and they both flush a bright red. They nod their heads. “You’re a lovely couple. I hope you guys stay together! You both look deeply in love with each other.”

“I hope so, too.” The man says softly. He looks down at his phone. “Would you like me to take a picture of the two of you lovebirds?”

You and Jaehyun glance at each other. You’re the first one to tear your gaze away from him. “I—There’s no need to, we wouldn’t want to bother you—”

“You’re not bothering us at all! We can take a picture for you, just as a thank you for taking time out of your date to take a picture of us.” The woman reassures you.

It’s your turn to look at Jaehyun as if you’re asking him for permission. You can’t seem to read his expression and so you look back at the man. “I think we’ll be okay, thank you for the offer, though—”

“We’d love to!” Jaehyun cuts you off and you look at him with surprise.

You’re not sure what to say or do but Jaehyun’s already pulling out his phone and handing it to the man. As the man is preparing to take the picture, you and Jaehyun awkwardly stand next to each other. It’s evident that the both of you are either acquaintances, friends, or a new couple who are still awkward with each other. There’s no in between.

“Alright, I’m taking a picture on three.” The man reminds you.

One, Jaehyun looks down at you. You’re fiddling with your fingers. He can tell there are gears turning in your head. Meanwhile, you’re too busy staring straight ahead, not sure if you should lean closer to Jaehyun or if you’re standing from the right distance. Should you tilt your head towards him? No, that would look awkward.

Two, Jaehyun feels his arm itch. He’s not sure if he should wrap his arm around your waist or over your shoulder. But as the man is counting to three to take the picture, he can’t help but notice how three seconds seems like three painfully long minutes.

Three, Jaehyun does it. He throws his arm over your shoulder and pulls you close to him. You’re caught off guard. As he pulls you close, you find yourself bumping into his side. Your eyes are widened with surprise. The man and his girlfriend let out a squeal.

As the man is handing back Jaehyun his phone, he grins at the both of you. “How long have you guys been together?”

Jaehyun clears his throat. The both of you share a look before he breaks out into a smirk.

“We’ve actually just started dating.”

“What you did today was impressive.”

You and Jaehyun are strolling down the streets of Paris after spending most of your day at Luxembourg Gardens. Montmartre just seems more romantic in the evening with all the fairy lights lit up and with the endless photo ops perfect for couples. Although your first date with Jaehyun is almost over, there’s something within you that wishes that the date would be longer. Little did you know that Jaehyun wishes the same thing too.

You find yourselves standing in front of an ice cream parlour. The both of you share a look.

“Wanna go grab some ice cream before I drop you off at your hotel?” Jaehyun insists.

You smile. “I’d love that.”

And so the both of you step inside the ice cream parlour. There’s a large menu filled with a variety of ice cream flavours. Although there are many new and unique flavours to choose from, your eyes light up at the sight of your favourite flavour.

“What can I get for the lovely couple?”

You both glance at the ice cream vendor before replying in unison, “Pistachio, please.”

Jaehyun looks at you with surprise. You look unfazed as you’re digging through your purse to pay for the both of you. He’s not sure why his heart skips a beat just by the fact that the both of you love pistachio ice cream. It’s almost as if you both had a telepathic moment.

“Let me pay—”

You stop him from pulling out his wallet. Your hand is placed over his and he feels the sudden urge to hold your hand. “I’ll pay. I already have my cash out.”

“But—”

“Jaehyun.”

He raises his hands up in defense. “Fine, if you say so.”

The both of you step out of the ice cream parlour with two scoops of pistachio ice cream on a cone. You’re busy gushing over how delicious it is while Jaehyun stops in his tracks at the sight of a huge billboard sitting on top of a building. You haven’t noticed Jaehyun’s sudden absence beside you until you’re about to ask him what he thinks of the ice cream.

“Jaehyun—Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun’s eyes are fixated on the large billboard. You follow his gaze which lands on a billboard of an advertisement. It’s an advertisement for a ballet show. Your mouth opens slightly agape at the sight of a beautiful ballet dancer on the billboard. You tear your gaze from the billboard to look at him.

You’ve seen that look before. It’s a look where there are stars shining in your eyes, where your smile is soft yet sincere, where you look like a fool… a hopeless fool.

“I think I know where to take you for our second date.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Where?”

He points up at the billboard. “Tomorrow night. You and me. I’ll pay for the tickets. I hope you like ballet.”

You fold your arms before pointing at the billboard, specifically at the ballet dancer. “You find her really pretty, don’t you? You have a crush on her, don’t you?”

He blows a raspberry. “I don’t—”

“You do.” You let out a soft gasp.

He gives you a look. “I don’t—”

“Your ice cream is melting.”

You’re handing him a napkin to wipe the ice cream that’s melted down the side of his hand. As he’s wiping the ice cream, he lets out a sigh. “I don’t.”

You shrug your shoulders. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you did. I’d honestly have a crush on her too. Besides, it’s not bad to have crushes. Having crushes are normal.”

“Define crush.”

As you’re coming up with your own definition of crush, you find yourselves arriving in front of your hotel. You frown. “Let’s save that conversation for another date.”

He nods his head at the door. “You should get going. I should also get going, Y/N. It was a long day. I enjoyed spending it with you.”

A smile slowly starts to spread across your lips. “Me too. Text me when you get to your hotel safely!”

He waves at you before starting to walk away. You’re just about to step inside the hotel building until you have the sudden urge to—

“Jaehyun!”

He slows down and turns around to look at you. “Yeah?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

What was a small smile on his face turned into a bright one. He’s beaming at you before nodding his head. You swear you could feel your heart pounding in your chest.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Oh boy, this isn’t good.

This isn’t good at all.

And you do see him.

In fact, you see him waiting for you outside of the Théâtre du Châtelet with tickets in his hands. You hand the taxi driver your cash payment and tell him to keep the change before you hop out. As you hop out of the car, your eyes meet his and his blank face transforms into a look of familiarity.

“Hey, you.” You smile.

“Hey,” he returns a smile. “Shall we head inside? The show is going to start in about fifteen minutes.”

The show starts just a couple of minutes after the both of you get settled in your seats. The lights turn off before they start flickering on and off. As the lights turn on, they focus on a ballet dancer that starts to dance across the stage. She looks beautiful, she looks familiar, she’s the ballet dancer—

“Sunjung.” You hear Jaehyun whisper underneath his breath.

You glance at him. He has that same look on his face from yesterday. There are stars shining in his eyes. His smile is soft… yet sincere. He looks like a hopeless fool. That look means one thing.

He’s in love with her. You know that look all too well. He looks at her as if she’s his entire world. He looks at her with such admiration that it makes your heart ache. You’re not sure if your heart is aching for him or for you.

You look away from him just before your stare ponders longer than it should. On stage, a male ballet dancer joins her and the song changes to—

“Song for the little sparrow,” you say softly, a gasp getting caught in your throat.

You and Jaehyun meet eyes.

It was all starting to make sense to you. You can read Jaehyun like a book, from front to back.

The reason why Jeong Jaehyun is in Paris is because he’s chasing after the woman he’s in love with, who so happens to be a woman named Sunjung. Jeong Jaehyun is not here for vacation, he’s here because of her. But the more you look at Sunjung and her partner that dances with her on stage, the more you focus on the loving gaze she gives her partner. Sunjung isn’t in love with Jaehyun. Jaehyun flew all the way to Paris to chase after a woman he’s in love with, who happens to be in love with someone else.

And you’re just someone he randomly chose to accompany him on this journey. You’re just someone he randomly chose to be there for him when he faces the one thing he knows he’ll regret experiencing; rejection.

And you’ve never felt heartbroken for someone your entire life.

“Jaehyun! I can’t believe you’re here!”

If you thought she looked beautiful on stage, she looked perfect up close. Sunjung pulls Jaehyun in for an embrace before pulling away to look at you. You flash her a small smile. Sunjung’s dance partner, extends his hand out for Jaehyun to shake.

“This is Seonghwa,” Sunjung introduces her partner. Her partner looks just as charming as she is. He looks incredibly tall while standing next to her. “He’s my dance partner that I’ve been telling you all about.”

Jaehyun smiles. When you look at him, you can tell that he’s hurting on the inside. “I’m glad I can finally put a name to your face, Seonghwa. Congratulations to the both of you, the show was amazing.”

You gently nudge Jaehyun. He looks at you questioningly. “Introduce me.”

“Ah,” Jaehyun mumbles sheepishly. “This is Y/N, a friend of mine.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” Sunjung beams at you. “I hope you enjoyed the show. I was wondering why Jaehyun brought a beautiful lady along with him.”

“The show was beautiful,” you say as you let out a breath.

Seonghwa’s eyes dart between the two of you. “Are you guys dating or something?”

You and Jaehyun look at each other. Jaehyun fakes a cough, shaking his head. “No, we’re not dating. We’re just friends.”

Ouch. Why did that hurt? You didn’t think it would hurt.

Sunjung stares at the both of you. She pouts. “I was hoping you guys were dating. You guys look adorable together! I honestly thought you were going to introduce me to your new girlfriend, Jaehyun.”

Ouch. Was that supposed to hurt too?

You let out an uneasy laugh. “Sorry to disappoint. We’re just friends. Right, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun doesn’t answer. You look up at him and the smile on your face is wiped off.

He looks heartbroken. He looks at her with a longing gaze. It’s a look with many unsaid words. He breaks out into a small smile that doesn’t reach his ears. He blinks and bites his lip. You’ve never experienced rejection, but after seeing him get indirectly rejected, you feel like you’ve experienced it too. There’s a sudden urge to hug him, comfort him, reassure him that things will turn out fine. But you’re not sure how because you don’t think you’re in the right place to do so. You’re sure him and Sunjung have a long, memorable history of friendship that’s irreplaceable. And so you stay silent.

And in the midst of your silence, you swear you can hear his heart shattering into pieces.

He lets out a soft chuckle. “Right. We’re just friends.”

Ever since the both of you left the theatre, you haven’t spoken a single word to each other. You’re trying to find the right words to say to him, but you don’t know him enough to know the right way of comforting him. You’re sure he has a lot of things on his mind, specifically about Sunjung.

All you could do is look at him with a waiting gaze, as if you’re expecting some sort of explanation. He doesn’t say anything and you respect it by continuing to walk back to your hotel in silence.

When you’re a couple of metres away from your hotel, he lets out a sigh. “Sunjung’s a long-time friend of mine.”

You slowly nod your head. “I kind of figured you’ve been friends for a long time.”

He looks quite heartbroken just by the mention of her name. You wonder what happened between the two of them, but at the same time, you didn’t want to force him into talking about something he’s uncomfortable with. He gestures towards your hotel. “We’re here. You should head inside before it gets chilly outside. Good night, Y/N.”

He takes your silence as his cue to leave. As he’s walking away, you can’t seem to stop yourself from saying, “You’re in love with her.”

He stops in his tracks. He looks over his shoulder.

You repeat yourself. “You’re in love with Sunjung.”

He shoves his hands into his pockets and shrugs his shoulders. “How would you know that? I don’t believe in love. Love is stupid. Love doesn’t exist.”

“Your eyes don’t seem to know how to lie, Jaehyun.”

His head hangs low. “You got me. I’m stupidly in love with my best friend. Unfortunately.”

“If you’re in love with her,” you begin with your eyebrows furrowing. “Why don’t you believe in love?”

He smiles.

“Let’s save that conversation for another date.”

The next time you see Jaehyun, it’s a Sunday evening. He has one more week left before he flies back home. It’s been three days since you last saw him in his heartbroken state. You figured he took three days off to recollect his thoughts and to let the fact that he had just gotten friendzoned by his best friend sink in.

But the next time you see Jaehyun, it’s a Sunday evening and he looks much better. You see him standing outside of your hotel building from your balcony. He’s wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, as if he had just woken up from a nap and decided to pay you a visit.

“Let’s go out on our third date.”

And you do. You find yourself putting on a hoodie the same colour as his before heading downstairs to meet up with him. When you meet up with him, you can’t help but notice how happier he looks. His smile looks genuine.

“Hey, you.”

He chuckles. “Let’s get going before the sun sets.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Champ de Mars.” He shrugs his shoulders.

You pout. “I was expecting you to tell me it was a surprise.”

“Disappointed?”

You find yourself interlocking arms with him before laughing. “Just a little.”

When you arrive, Jaehyun finds the perfect spot with the perfect view of the Eiffel Tower in front of you. He lays out a blanket for the both of you to sit on and pulls out the takeout trays of food from the paper bag. You’re too busy taking pictures of the Eiffel Tower to notice that everything’s already set up. You glance down to find him already sitting down. He pats the empty spot beside him and you take a seat.

After taking a couple more pictures, you place your phone back into your pocket. He throws his arm over your shoulder and you look at him with surprise. “Jaehyun?”

He looks back at you. “Yeah?”

“What are you doing?”

The both of you are staring at each other until he takes his arm off your shoulder. He scratches the back of his neck and smiles sheepishly. “Sorry.”

You let out a snort. “I’m just kidding.”

He wraps his arm around your waist instead, catching you off guard. But you pay no attention to it.

There’s something about you that he admires. It must be the fact that you understand him. It must be the fact that you can read his mind. It must be the fact that you’re not diving into his love life or being too nosey about his feelings for Sunjung and deciding to let him explain everything when he’s comfortable. But it could also be because you look beautiful sitting next to him like this. It could also be the fact that you willingly took a risk and spent your time with him, a complete stranger.

“I’m in love with Sunjung.” He begins.

You look up at him. “Are we having that conversation now?”

He laughs. “Can we?”

“We can, if you’re comfortable with that.” You purse your lips into a tight line.

“Sunjung and I are best friends. We’ve been best friends for the longest time. In fact, I’ve been her best friend that’s been chasing after her for as long as I can remember.” He explains. “But she’s in love with someone else.”

“Is that why you don’t believe in love?” You ask.

He slowly nods his head. “I guess it’s the fear of rejection that makes me believe that love doesn’t exist.”

“But if love doesn’t exist, then rejection shouldn’t exist either.” You had a point. “Being in love with someone could make you the happiest person on the entire planet, but it could also ruin you through rejection.”

“You have a point.” He sighs. “I flew all the way to Paris just to chase after her. The more I try to chase after her and the more I try to make her mine, the more I start to believe that I know nothing about love and that it doesn’t exist.”

“Really?” You ask.

“Really.” He mumbles. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Now that I’m hearing this, I think I’m starting to believe that if there was one person who believes in love with all his heart, it would be you.” You answer. “You’re just being swayed by the fact that the woman you’re in love with doesn’t love you back. Rejection is the only reason why you don’t believe in love. But I think you should embrace rejection because it’ll only make you a better person. In fact, rejection will make you a person who anticipates the next opportunity to fall in love again, but with another person.”

“Do you think so?” He whispers.

You raise an eyebrow. “About what?”

“Do you think I’ll ever fall in love again, after Sunjung?” He asks.

You place your hand on top of his before nodding your head.

“Love happens with the right person at the right time. I’m more than sure that you’ll fall in love again, you just have to allow your heart to do it.”

Jaehyun falls against his bed and lets out a sigh. He’s looking up at the ceiling of his room. Suddenly, he pulls out his phone and goes through his photos. He starts swiping for a particular picture until he finds it. A smile begins to spread across his lips. It’s the photo of you and him at Luxembourg Gardens. He has his arm wrapped around you and you’re looking at the camera with slightly widened eyes. Your cheeks heat up while his ears redden.

“Hey, Jaehyun?”

He hears you call out his name after he dropped you off at your hotel room. He’s waiting for the elevator to arrive. He looks at you. You’re poking your head through the door. “Yeah?”

You bite back a smile that threatens to form on your lips. “I just wanted to let you know that if it weren’t for Sunjung and your feelings for her, I’d definitely fall in love with you. Sunjung is clearly missing out on someone she doesn’t deserve.”

The elevator arrives and he’s too distracted by your words to even notice the elevator doors opening. He scratches the back of his neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N. Goodnight.”

You smile. “Goodnight, Jaehyun.”

Before he steps into the elevator, he tries to talk to you before you close the door. “Hey, Y/N?”

You look at him questioningly. “Yeah?”

“I just wanted to let you know that if I wasn’t in love with Sunjung, I’d definitely fall in love with you too.”

Five days left until Jaehyun flies back to Seoul. He has five days left to spend with you. It’s funny how he’s deciding to spend those five days with you and not with Sunjung. But it’s not like he really had a choice because you’d always insist on going out on another date.

“Golden hour?”

You’re grabbing his hand and running down the sidewalks of Paris. He looks down at your hands. You’re too busy looking down at your phone for the map directions to even notice that you absent-mindedly grabbed his hand. “Yes! Golden hour! Apparently, the best time to do it is during golden hour!”

“Where are we going?” He questions.

“The Seine!”

He pouts. “I was kind of expecting you to say that it’ll be a surprise.”

You laugh and it’s such a beautiful sound to his ears. You look at him from over your shoulder. “Disappointed?”

He shakes his head. “Not at all.”

Ever since you made what seems like a subtle love confession to Jaehyun last night, you couldn’t help but notice a huge weight being lifted off your shoulders. The image of his warm smile when he heard your words remains etched in your mind. You know that this won’t end how you want it to be, but you’re fine with it. You’d rather let your heart fall in love than cage it up with huge walls. Besides, you’re in the city of love, why would you hold yourself back?

It takes half an hour for the both of you to arrive at the Seine. There’s a ton of couples gathered at the Seine, most of them lining up at the booth to pick up their tickets. Luckily for you, you had booked your tickets in advance. You’re just about to tell Jaehyun something until you catch him looking at the river in awe. The sun is starting to set, making everything more romantic.

“Wow.” He breathes out.

You smile proudly. “I know. Let’s lineup so we can get a good spot on the cruise.”

The cruise occurs every hour during its busiest times. You and Jaehyun decide to stick around on the lower level of the boat. As the boat is starting to move across the river, you find yourself taking a seat on one of the benches.

“This is amazing,” he says softly.

“I did a pretty good job with this, don’t you think?” He nods his head.

He gets up from the bench and walks towards the railings. You’re too busy staring at his back profile, admiring the view right in front of you. His skin is glowing from the sun that’s shining down on him. Your mind finds itself taking a picture. You’re smiling brightly.

As you join him, you place your hands on the railings. He turns to you. “Hey, you never told me how long you’ll be here for.”

You glance at him. “Because I myself, don’t know how long I’ll be here for.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” you sigh. “Let’s just say I packed my things and bought a one-way ticket to Paris. I decided that when I feel like I’m ready to fly back home, then I’ll buy my plane ticket.”

“This might come off rude but I’m just curious,” he chuckles. “Are you really here in Paris for vacation?”

You smile and shake your head. “I’m not. I flew to Paris to escape.”

“Escape from what?”

“From my reality.” You answer. “Well, I’m more so escaping from my father. Just like my father, I’m a painter. He has high expectations of me and it’s extremely difficult to live up to his standards.”

“I’m sure your work is amazing, though.” He mumbles.

You giggle. “My last art exhibit was a huge success. But I didn’t expect getting burnt out a couple of months later. It was like I forgot how to pick up a paintbrush. I decided I needed to take a break. My father wasn’t happy to hear that.”

“And so you flew out to Paris?”

You point at him. “Bingo. I packed a suitcase and I told him I was flying out to Paris. I will never forget the look on his face. It was priceless. I’m sure I’ll be in huge trouble when I fly back.”

“Are you ready to fly back, though?” He asks.

It takes a while for you to come up with an answer. But when you do, you find yourself nodding.

“I think I’m ready. I was bound to go back home, anyways.”

This is the downside of meeting someone in a country you don’t live in. It’s all fun and games when meeting someone new, but the worst is knowing the fact that the both of you will eventually separate, where one will have to go back home and the other is left behind.

But in this case, you met someone in Paris who doesn’t live in Paris. You fell in love with Paris and the stranger you befriended. It’ll be all fun and games until you both realize that you’ll eventually separate, where the both of you go back home.

And you guess you both realized that now.

Three more days until Jaehyun flies back home. Three more days to spend with you. You both find yourselves spending an afternoon at the Sainte-Chapelle. Underneath the stained glass, you both stand next to each other with your shoulders brushing against each other.

You steal a glance at Jaehyun.

You’re in love with him. You’ve fallen in love with him. But you know he’s in love with someone else. And that’s okay. It was bound to happen anyways. But even though you knew it was bound to happen, it still hurt. Just a little bit.

He catches you staring at him and he smirks. “Why are you staring at me?”

You shake your head. “Nothing.”

“I want to get married here.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Really?”

He hums in reply. “Really.”

You chuckle. “Am I invited to your wedding?”

There’s a part of him that wishes you didn’t ask such a question. He swore he imagined seeing you walk down the aisle, not as his guest sitting in the congregation. The thought of it terrifies him.

“Of course.” He chuckles. “You’re an honorary guest.”

You find yourself smiling. “That sounds nice to hear.”

He lets out a frustrated sigh. It catches you off guard. As you look up at him questioningly, you watch his shoulders slump. “I wish I fell in love with you instead. I wish I met you before Sunjung. Maybe things would have turned different.”

You tear your gaze away from him. “Things would have definitely turned out differently.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

It all feels bittersweet. “How so?”

“Because if you fell in love with me instead and if you had met me before Sunjung, I would have fallen in love with you in a heartbeat, just like how I’ve fallen in love with you now.”

Two days before Jaehyun flies back home. Little did he know you had already packed your things. You’re ready to fly back home. You think it’s time to go back home. But you knew that you couldn’t just leave him without a farewell. With your flight near midnight, you decide to spend your last day in Paris with him.

You spend the afternoon at Pont des Arts. Along the bridge are an endless amount of locks on its railings. It’s weird how you’re both holding hands like a couple.

“Where do you think we can get a lock?”

You snort. “Are you trying to be cheesy? Why do we need a lock?”

He gestures towards the locks on the railings of the bridge. “So that we can do this together.”

“But we’re not dating,” you remind him.

“But you’re in love with me.” He says softly and you roll your eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

“We don’t need to do this. The person you should be doing this with is Sunjung.”

“Can we just forget about Sunjung for today?” He asks. “We’re getting a lock.”

And you both do. The lock comes with two keys, one for you and the other for him. You’re both standing near the railings, trying to find an empty spot to put the lock on. Everything feels like a mixture of bittersweetness and cheesiness, but you both do it anyway.

“Couples usually write their initials on the lock, put it on the railing, and then throw the keys to the lock into the water.” Jaehyun explains.

You snort. “Funny how you told me how you didn’t believe in love when we first met and yet here you are, telling me all about a romantic practice couples usually do.”

The lock is secured in its place. He looks at you as he prepares to throw his key into the water. He chucks the key out into the water and turns towards you as he waits for you to throw yours in. You don’t. He looks at you confusedly.

“Why aren’t you throwing yours into the water?”

“I think I should be asking you why you threw yours into the water, sir.” You fold your arms.

“Love happens with the right person at the right time.” He recalls what you had said to him one night. “I threw mine into the water because I know that love will happen when I meet you again at the right time. I’ll just have to allow my heart to do it.”

You flash him a sad smile. “I can’t wait until that time comes.”

“Me too.”

You look towards the water before throwing your key.

Someday.

That time will come.

Someday.

“Hey, Jaehyun?”

“Yeah?”

You hesitate. “I’m flying home tonight.”

His smile vanishes from his face. “Tonight?”

You nod. “Tonight.”

He avoids your gaze. “We should probably get you back to your hotel, then, huh?”

As much as you hate telling him, you knew that he had to know. He doesn’t look upset, surprisingly. It’s probably because he knew that things would end like this. It was expected. He just didn’t expect it to happen sooner than he thought.

When you arrive at your hotel, the sun has already set. Jaehyun helps you with your suitcases as you bring it down to the hotel lobby. As your taxi arrives, he helps you put your things into the trunk of the car. When everything’s set to go, the both of you stand there awkwardly, looking at each other.

“I guess this is it.”

“Yeah.” You say softly.

“You have my number, right?” He asks.

You nod. “I do. Nothing to worry.”

“Text me when you land.” He says.

“I will,” you reassure him. “Take care of yourself, alright?”

“I’ll try.” He chuckles.

Jaehyun doesn’t know what came over him but he can’t seem to stop himself from grabbing your cheeks and pulling you in for a kiss. You’re caught off guard with your eyes widening in shock. His lips feel soft and plump, so irresistible that you pull him closer. He deepens the kiss and you swore you felt his tongue lightly graze yours. Your heart wants it to last longer but you will yourself to pull away.

You bite your lip. “Uh—I’ll see you around?”

He looks just as surprised as you are. “I’ll—yeah, I’ll see you around.”

You give him a timid wave before hopping into the car. As you buckle in your seat, you roll down the windows to see Jaehyun still standing there, waiting to send you off. “Jaehyun?”

“Yeah?”

“I hope you and Sunjung end up together. You deserve to be loved.”

And he looks at you with a look you can’t seem to read. You roll the windows back up and the car starts to drive off. You turn around to see Jaehyun waving at you. You wave back, mustering up a smile. When Jaehyun’s figure gets smaller and smaller, you turn back around to face the front. You bite back a sob.

You knew it would hurt.

You knew it would end this way.

But you still allowed yourself to get hurt.

“Ma’am?” You snap out of your thoughts.

The taxi driver is offering you a box of Kleenex tissues. “Yes?”

“It looks like you need it.”

And you sure did.

“Welcome home—”

Your father cuts himself off when he hears you slam your bedroom door shut. He frowns, glancing at your suitcase that you lazily left by the door. He walks towards your suitcases to bring them into the living room until he spots your plane ticket.

He slowly picks it up. “Paris? Of all places, why Paris?”

The longer he stares at it, the more he starts to put things together.

Five months later…

BREAKING NEWS: Best-selling poet, Jeong Jaehyun, officially engaged to long-time friend and ballet dancer, Kim Sunjung

You wish it was a joke.

But it isn’t.

“Holy shit, you look like a fucking mess.”

“I know.”

Jungwoo stands at the door with a bag filled with canned beer. When you had called him to come over for a beer night, he didn’t expect to show up to see a brokenhearted friend moping in front of a TV screen. He takes a seat next to you on the couch and starts to take out the cans of beer. He’s placing them onto the coffee table, taking a look at you every now and then to make sure you’re doing alright. But you’re clearly not. You’re not alright.

“So, when were you planning on telling me that you fell in love with a stranger in Paris?”

You let out a bitter chuckle. “Was it that obvious?”

“What? That you fell in love in Paris?” He asks. You hum in reply. “Well, while you were in Paris, I was expecting you to call me during your vacation but you didn’t. I didn’t hear from you for two weeks, what did you want me to expect?”

“Never fall in love, especially in Paris.” You sigh, wiping your tears. You grab a can of beer and pry it open. You take your first sip of the night before wincing.

He points at the screen. “You do have extremely good taste, though. Jeong Jaehyun? The flavour is incredibly immaculate.”

“I should probably get my mind off of it,” you whisper. “Or should I say, get my mind off of him.”

He snorts. “And how are you going to do that? By painting?”

“Yeah,” you mumble. “By doing exactly that.”

“Well, shit, I thought you were going to say no.” Jungwoo lets out a light-hearted laugh that rings in your ears. “But I think that would be a good idea. It’ll get your mind off of him. You never know, it might even help you move on.”

“Is it bad that I don’t want to move on?” You think aloud.

“Well, yes and no.” Jungwoo answers your thoughts. “It really depends on the situation.”

“How?”

He surprisingly finishes his first can of beer and moves on to his second. “From how heartbroken you are over him, I like to think that you’re both right for each other. You just both met the right people at the wrong time.”

“You think I met the right person at the wrong time?”

He nods. “Exactly so.”

It’s been five months since you last saw Jaehyun. It’s been five months since you last heard from him too. No text. No phone call. No nothing. Whatever happened between the two of you in Paris remains a memory that will forever be etched in your mind. You’re not sure if you could say the same thing for him.

You wonder if he’s doing alright. You wonder if he’s happy that he finally captured Sunjung’s heart. You wonder if he’s been eating his meals. You wonder if he’s getting enough sleep. Because you aren’t. You aren’t doing alright. You haven’t been eating your meals. You haven’t been getting enough sleep. And yet, it hurts even more knowing that he’s probably not even thinking about you. You probably don’t even cross his mind.

The news reporter on the TV screen continues to report the evening news. Your ears perk up at the sound of his name.

“Jeong Jaehyun will be holding a book signing for his new poetry book, Right Person, Wrong time, at the city’s biggest bookstore this Saturday at noon.”

It’s a huge mistake to be here.

But you are. You’re holding Jaehyun’s new poetry book in your arms as you’re walking towards the end of the line. Jungwoo’s voice echoes in your mind, telling you that this is a bad idea, but you’re stubborn. The line up shortens as more and more books are being signed by him. You find yourself a couple of metres near the table. You stand up on your tip-toes to get a good look of him. When you finally spot him, you let out a gasp. Your eyes start to water.

He hasn’t changed. He still looks the same. He just looks more tired. His smile reaches his ears. He looks happy. It makes your heart ache. You wish you were happy as him. But between the two of you, you felt like you were the only one left behind. He’s chasing his own happiness and here you are, left behind, trying to find what’s left between the both of you.

“What’s your name?” Jaehyun asks the teenager.

The teenager smiles. “Mina.”

He’s signing the teenager’s book. “You look familiar.”

“I do? I think it’s because I bumped into you in Paris a few months back. You were at the Musée d’Orsay!” The teenager exclaims.

Jaehyun’s hand stops writing. He slowly looks up at her. “Paris? Musée d’Orsay?”

“Yes! I asked for your autograph. You were looking at one of the artworks from Pierre-Auguste Renoir’s exhibition.” The teenager tries to recall her memory. “I think you were looking at Dance in the Country.”

Jaehyun smiles wider. “I remember you! Wow, what a small world.”

She giggles. “Yes, what a small world we live in.”

He closes the book and pushes it towards her. “I’m glad to see you again. I hope you take care! Thank you for coming to my book signing.”

“Thank you,” she says sheepishly. “Congratulations on your engagement, too!”

He thanks her and just as she starts to leave, he begins to welcome the next person in line. But right when he flashes the next reader a smile, his eyes meet yours. His smile is immediately wiped off of his face. You’re looking back at him in shock.

You bite your lip. You’re the first one to look away.

Indeed, this is a bad idea. This is a huge mistake. You find yourself stepping out of your line and looking for the exit. When you find the exit, your walking starts to speed up.

Jaehyun places his pen down and he’s immediately getting up from his chair. He watches you as you walk towards the exit. “Sorry, give me one second.”

He’s stepping down from the stage and everyone’s looking at him as he tries to chase after you. He’s pushing past people who are looking around the bookstore. Right when he steps outside of the bookstore, he looks left and right, in hopes of finding you.

But he doesn’t.

He scratches the back of his head. He swore he saw you. He looked into your eyes. He was so sure of it.

You try to catch your breath. When you do, you look behind a brick wall to see Jaehyun walking back into the bookstore. He scratches the back of his head. You sigh with relief.

Four months later…

“Please welcome, my daughter and pride, Y/N!”

The sound of clapping echoes throughout the exhibition room as you join your father on the small stage. He pulls you into a tight embrace. A couple of weeks after you flew back home from Paris, your father seemed to be less strict with you. He let you work at your own pace and stopped restricting you from living your life to the fullest. As a result, nine months later, you complete your second art exhibit in your career. And the turn out? Successful.

“Good evening, everyone.” You greet the large group of visitors. “First off, I wanted to thank you for taking time out of your busy day to visit this exhibition. It means a lot to me.”

Everyone is intently listening to you and you grow nervous from the attention. You look at your father for reassurance. He gestures you to continue. You look back at everyone.

“After my first successful art exhibit, I got burnt out. I packed a suitcase and flew a one-way trip to Paris in hopes of finding inspiration again. Little did I know, things turned out much differently than I expected.” You let out a chuckle. “This art exhibit is special because it highlights most of the memories I made in Paris with a stranger I met.”

You feel your father place his hand on your shoulder. You look at him with teary eyes.

“I don’t want to hold you all back from seeing the art and so, I present to you, my second art exhibit, Song for a Little Sparrow. Enjoy.”

As you watch everyone start to wander off to different paintings, you head towards one of the table stands to grab yourself a glass of wine. You needed some alcohol in your system. You join Jungwoo at one of the tables. He starts clapping for you as you approach him.

“Congratulations,” he smiles.

You fist-bump him. “Thanks.”

“You chose Song for a Little Sparrow over Wrong person, Right Time?” He asks.

“And what about it?” You take a sip of your wine.

“Do you think you met Jaehyun at the right time?” Jungwoo questions.

You slowly nod your head after much thought. “He’s getting married with someone he’s in love with. He’s the wrong person who came at the right time. I was burnt out, he was chasing the love of his life. We both met each other at the right time. Look what came out of it. He’s getting married and I managed to get my creativity flowing again.”

He swirls the wine in his glass. “But are you still in love with him?”

You stare at him. “It wouldn’t matter, anyways. He’s getting married. Thus, wrong person, right time.”

“What if I told you that I just saw him walk into the exhibit?”

“Stop joking around—”

“I’m not—”

“You are.” You cut him off. Your eyes scan the exhibit. “I can’t see him. I don’t see him. You’re joking. Stop joking around—”

“He’s right there—”

“Where?!” You exclaim.

“I’m just joking.”

You down your glass of wine before letting out a scowl. He’s laughing his ass off. “Fuck you.”

“Love you too,” he sends you a flying kiss. “I’m going to go mingle with some visitors. You never know, I might just meet the love of my life tonight.”

“I hope you don’t.”

“Do you really? Because if you do, you might have to spend the rest of your life with me—”

You fake a gag. “Yeah, please, go mingle. I’d rather spend the rest of my life with a house filled with puppies than spend it with you.”

He pretends to look offended. “I’m hurt. Anyways, see you later, love.”

You grin. “Go get em’, tiger.”

As he’s a couple of metres away, he turns back around to shout at you. “Don’t get too tipsy!”

“One ticket please.”

“Sorry, sir, the exhibition is closing in about half an hour. We’re not taking anymore visitors—”

Jaehyun takes off his shades and the ticket vendor clamps his mouth shut. What seems like the manager pushes him aside and looks at Jaehyun for a brief moment. “That’s quite unfortunate. When are you opening tomorrow?”

The manager clears his throat. “Well, we can give you a ticket for the remaining half hour, Mr. Jeong. It’ll be discounted. You can also choose to come back tomorrow, instead.”

Jaehyun purses his lips into a tight line. “Is the artist present at the exhibit?”

“Yes, Mr. Jeong.”

He smiles. “Then I’ll take the discounted ticket, please and thank you.”

The manager is scurrying to print an admission ticket. Jaehyun can’t help but look at him with amusement. There sure are some perks like these when you’re a best-selling author. As the manager is handing him his ticket, he thanks them and rushes towards the art exhibit down the hallway before time runs out. From behind him, the manager and the ticket vendor are beginning to close up the entrance gates to the art museum.

Jaehyun stops in front of the doors to the exhibit room to catch his breath. When he saw a billboard with your name and the date of your art exhibit plastered all over it, he did not hesitate to make a trip to the art museum on it’s first day of viewing to the public.

His feet drag him into the room. There’s not much people left in the exhibit room because it’s almost closing time. There are a couple of people looking at the art, him included.

He’s making the last half hour worth his time by stopping to look at each painting carefully. The first painting he looks at is a painting of a couple standing in front of a familiar museum. It’s a couple taking a picture in front of the Musée d’Orsay. His eyes flutter shut as he reminisces a memory from the back of his mind.

“What do you do for a living? You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to—”

“I’m a painter. What kind of question is that? Are we out on a blind date or something? I don’t remember meeting you on tinder.”

“You’re a painter? Like, you paint on canvas?”

“I was expecting more of an enthusiastic reaction or even better, a look of surprise. But yes, sorry to disappoint, I’m a painter. I pick up a paintbrush and I make strokes on canvas. That’s what I do for a living.”

“I’m sure you’re very talented. You should show me a couple of your paintings. Even better, why don’t you paint me like—”

“Like one of my French girls?”

“You probably get that a lot, huh?”

“I get that a shit ton of times that I am this close to throwing up.”

“God, I feel like throwing up whenever I see a couple out on the street. Like those two over there.”

“They’re in love. Leave them alone.”

“Yeah, I’ll definitely leave them alone.”

“Stop being such a con artist, I’m sure you’ve been in love before.”

“I have—”

“And it was a nice feeling, right?”

“It was more so disappointing.”

He lets out a soft chuckle as he opens his eyes again. Before he moves onto the next painting, he can hear your bubbly laugh echoing through his mind.

“I’m going to take you out on dates for two weeks. And on those dates, I’ll prove to you that love exists.”

“And you expect this to work?”

“One hundred percent.”

“How do you know for sure?”

“If you don’t feel some sort of way after going out on dates with me, then love isn’t real. But if you do feel some sort of way, then love is real.”

“So, basically, if I fall in love with you, love is real. But if I don’t fall in love with you, then love isn’t real?”

“Perfect!”

“So, your goal is to make me fall in love with you?”

“Yes, but at the same time, no.”

“Is that even possible?”

“It’s possible. Just don’t fall in love with me.”

He moves onto the next painting. It’s a painting of the Luxembourg Palace. A smile is slowly starting to spread across his lips.

“How long have you guys been together?”

“We’ve actually just started dating.”

The next painting is a painting of what seems to be Sunjung and Seonghwa. It’s a painting of them dancing across the stage in the theatre. He glances down at his fourth finger that’s missing a wedding ring.

“You’re in love with her.”

“How would you know that? I don’t believe in love. Love is stupid. Love doesn’t exist.”

“Your eyes don’t seem to know how to lie, Jaehyun.”

“You got me. I’m stupidly in love with my best friend. Unfortunately.”

“If you’re in love with her, why don’t you believe in love?”

The painting he looks at next is a painting of a picnic at the Champ de Mars. Sitting in the middle of the painting is the Eiffel Tower. He assumes that it’s a painting of your view from the picnic you both had.

“Do you think so?”

“About what?”

“Do you think I’ll ever fall in love again, after Sunjung?”

“Love happens with the right person at the right time. I’m more than sure that you’ll fall in love again, you just have to allow your heart to do it.”

He finds himself taking more time to look at the last two paintings. He stands in front of a painting of the purple stained glass at the Sainte-Chapelle. He leans towards the painting to get a closer look. He chuckles when he sees that you painted the both of you as a reflection in the glass.

“I wish I fell in love with you instead. I wish I met you before Sunjung. Maybe things would have turned different.”

“Things would have definitely turned out differently.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“How so?”

“Because if you fell in love with me instead and if you had met me before Sunjung, I would have fallen in love with you in a heartbeat, just like how I’ve fallen in love with you now.”

When he moves onto the last painting, he feels a gasp getting caught in his throat. It’s a painting of someone he knows all too well. It’s a painting of him. It’s a painting of him standing near the railings of the cruise at the Seine river. It’s your view of him from behind.

He’s sure he’s in love with you.

He’s so sure of it.

“It’s beautiful, huh?” He snaps out of it. It’s a familiar voice.

His head snaps to his left. You’re standing right next to him. You’re already looking at him when he glances at you. He can’t seem to find a word to say, especially when you’re standing right in front of him. He’s not sure what to say when you flash him a warm smile that holds so much meaning.

“Hi,” he breathes out.

You giggle. “Hi, there.”

“C-Congratulations on your exhibit,” he manages to blurt out.

You blush. “Thanks. Congratulations on your book too. I read it actually, and I really enjoyed it.”

He clears his throat, pointing towards the painting in front of the both of you. “Is this me?”

You snort. “Who else would it be?”

“I feel honoured.” He mumbles.

You glance down at your wristwatch. “Well, I hate to say this but it’s closing time.”

“Already?”

You nod. “We wouldn’t want to keep anybody from going home to their families, right?”

“Ah, you’re right.” He lets out a sheepish laugh.

You purse your lips into a line and pat his shoulder. “It was nice seeing you, Jaehyun. I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself. Thank you for dropping by, it means so much to me. I’ll get going. My father’s waiting for me.”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows in confusion. You’re starting to walk away from him. He doesn’t want to lose you again. Why are you walking away from him?

You slow down in your tracks before turning around again. His eyebrows raise. “Jaehyun?”

“Yeah?”

“Congratulations on your engagement.” You smile. “It’s nice to see that you finally got a hold of Sunjung. Tell her I said hi—”

He shakes his head. “I called off the engagement. We’re not getting married.”

“Huh?” That’s all that manages to slip from your lips. “What did you just say?”

“I called off the engagement? We’re not getting married?” He repeats himself and it all comes out as a question.

“Why would you do that?” You look at him as if he’s crazy. “You literally chased Sunjung all the way to Paris and after getting engaged with her, you called the engagement off? Are you in your right mind?”

“I called it off because of this.” He gestures towards all the paintings in the exhibit. “I called it off because of you, because of my feelings for you.”

“You’re not making any sense, Jaehyun—”

“When I published Right Person, Wrong Time, Sunjung kept asking me if it was about her, if all the poems I wrote were about her.” He explains. “I couldn’t just tell her that they were about you, not when we were engaged. I wrote those poems during the two weeks I was with you in Paris.”

“They were about me?”

“We fought a lot after the engagement. I was starting to believe that the Sunjung I fell in love with was different to the Sunjung I got engaged to.” He continues to explain. “And then I thought, was this all just a mind game? Did I do all of this and fall in love with Sunjung only for things to turn out like this?”

“Jaehyun—”

“And then I remembered the things you said to me back in Paris. At that very moment, it came down to whether I should choose the woman I’m in love with or the woman who’s in love with me.” He cuts you off. “I decided to call off the engagement. Sunjung is the definition of the wrong person at the wrong time.”

“I—”

“Love happens with the right person at the right time.” He reminds you. “I knew that allowing my heart to fall in love again with the right person at the right time would happen and I knew that the right person would be you. But I was scared. I was terrified. It has already been seven months since I last saw or spoken to you.”

“I’m still mad at you for that, but just a little—”

“And then yesterday, I saw a billboard with an advertisement for your art exhibition and I thought, fuck it, I’ll go because I wanted to see you.” He sighs. “And that brings me here.”

“Are you happy to be here?”

“I’m more than happy to be here.” He sighs happily. “Just seeing you makes me happy.”

You bite your lip. “How could you be so sure that I’m still in love with you? What if I’m not?”

“If you’re not, then that’s fine. If I could spend the rest of my life waiting, I would. I know that there will be the perfect time, the right time for the two of us because I know you’re the right person for me.”

You smile. “Then I guess, this is the right time and moment.”

“Shit, is it really?”

You burst out into laughter. “Yes, Jaehyun. I’m still in love with you. I don’t think there was ever a time where I wasn’t.”

“God, I want to kiss you.”

“Do it. I dare you.”

He’s rushing over towards you and once he has his hands wrapped around your waist, the moment is ruined when there’s a security guard knocking on one of the doors to the exhibit room. The both of you pull away like two repelling magnets.

“Sorry, it’s closing time. I’m going to have to ask you to leave the museum. Thank you.”

“The paint is surprisingly cold.”

“Stay still!”

Jaehyun straightens his posture as he feels the cold paint brushing against his back. You’re making a couple of strokes on his back before leaning away to adjust your glasses on your nose bridge. Jaehyun looks over his shoulder and lets out a low chuckle. You raise an eyebrow.

“What are you looking at, doofus?”

“You have paint on your nose.”

You gasp. “Where? Can you get it off for me?”

He shakes his head with a teasing grin. “I don’t want to. You look cute like that anyways.”

“You little shit—”

“Woah, woah, woah, what’s going on in here?”

“Jungwoo, get out! You’re interrupting my creative process!”

tag list! @lanadreamie

author’s note. thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed it!

#jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x oc #jeong jaehyun #jeong jaehyun scenarios #jeong jaehyun imagines #jeong jaehyun x reader #jeong jaehyun x oc #nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct 127 #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 imagines

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uhhhhyandere · 4 years

Text

halloween special!

hi everyone!!!!

for halloween this year, inspiration struck and i decided to craft this halloween special demon/angel light au! i had so so much fun writing this and hope yall enjoy it!!!

no matter where you are in the world, if you celebrate halloween or not, i hope you all are doing amazing and know that you are so so loved (by me) and thank you all for the love and support you give! i love every single one of y’all and let’s finish out the year the best we can!!!!

word count: 7.2k

And He will bring hell with him.

The grass will gray, and the trees will blanket with ash as all life is left withered, limp, and colorless in his wake. He takes, and takes, and takes with the full red moon on his back and the stars glittering on his lips in golden lies. Should his, Kira's eyes, red with ire from his unattained vision, seek you out, you are bound to the pits of hell itself for eternity.

"Well, that's what the tale says," Misa said. "If you believe in that kinda stuff." She flipped the book over to display the illustrations. You leaned over to get a closer look. "They really have to make evil people this beautiful, huh?" You looked at her incredulously. "What? You're thinking the same thing! I just said it…" Her eyes trailed down to the pages again.

"He was a mortal once?" Misa nodded her head and adjusted herself on the sofa for you to scootch closer. Her red manicured nails slipped the page over to the next.

"Who tried to be a god." You squinted down at the new page and pointed.

"She kinda looks like you." She laughed.

"Just wait," Misa replied. "Anyway, he was young, a few years below us, when he came across the power to make him a god. He was not chosen nor special. The power was left to be picked up by any traveler. It just so handed to be dropped outside of his family's farm, and he just so happened to be who he was. An ambitious genius with the same hunger for power the poor have for food. He used this power to rise above all others and to kill any who dared step in his way." Tragic art painted the pages as Misa continued to flip through them.

"How?" Misa shook her head.

"They don't know. We don't know. A creature crueler than Kira. A bored god looking to stir trouble. A blessing that was used as a curse. Perhaps all. Perhaps none." She giggled. "Exciting, isn't it?" You scoffed.

"Yeah, yeah. Keep going."

"But he had enemies. No mortal man should wield what Kira wielded. Those who wanted to strip him of his power and deliver justice to those he had ridden of, not grasp the power, the golden throne, he sought. They played games with one another. Cruel, cunning games of who would outsmart the other. He who was supposed to condemn his power and he who had it used the same means to win.

"Us. Regular people used and thrown away to further their game. There was one," she pointed at the girl who resembled herself, "who picked up the same power as he. It was her who tried to love him, that bent at his word, that carried out his will." Misa swallowed, "but he had lost his ability to love, or that's what was thought until..." Misa cut herself off.

"Kira and his nemesis continued to use, to manipulate the very ground the other walked on. All until he finally stood at the foot of the throne of the world he thirsted for. Pristine and shining, it stood above the clouds themselves. This is where he was slain, where his blood stained the stone, the rug, the throne, infecting and cursing them. The throne cracked, contorted, twisted, and fell. Down, down it fell until he and the now blackened throne were in hell.

"One day, when the full moon shines on the bleeding night, he will rise, and he will bring hell with him. He will claim what he has lost to reign over the world of men. The grass will gray, and the trees will blanket with ash as all life is left withered, limp, and—,"

"I know that much," you interrupted, "but I'm confused. Did you leave a part out? Where you cut yourself off, I mean." White teeth dragged across her lip.

"After," she started to rapidly flip the pages, "after he was banished to hell, they found…" Her flipping stopped at the very last page, "this."

On the page was a cage with gnarled black metal and a large gash across the bars. A human whose arms crosses on their chest in an 'X.' Their feet were bound together and tied with rope to the middle's central support pole. Blood trickled down their face, torso, and legs. Beautiful, broken, ripped wings crumpled at their back. "He had stolen an angel. Broken them. Claimed them. Upon their back, scars from where he had failed to rip them off their back." She hummed. "Kinda looks like you."

You laughed nervously then scoffed, trying to get the haunted picture out of your brain. "Should his eyes, red with ire from his unattained vision, seek you out, you are bound to the pits of hell itself for eternity because you are who he has lost, and he will not fail again.

"But that's just how it goes!" Misa laughed good-naturedly and shut the book harshly. "Pretty scary, right?" You shook your head.

"Absolutely not. First, it's actually pretty disturbing. Secondly, it's so vague! No details on how he died, if the other guy killed him. You'd think after eons of repetition, they'd make stuff up." Misa shook her head.

"Yeah, if you ask a bard, but do you really want to hear a romanticization of it in a song where they talk about how he loved whom he locked away and claimed? They do not sing about the reality, for it is far too gruesome for even documentation, much less for song. At least, that's what Rem told me. Being vague is the only option to make it tolerable, but I think she actually knows the truth and won't spill." You laughed and rose from the library's sofa. "So? It's my favorite story."

"That's because that girl looks like you."

"And?" You clicked your tongue.

"I dunno. I did say it was disturbing, but you don't really believe in this kinda stuff, right?" You scratched the back of your head.

"Of course, I do!" She giggled. "Ever since Rem took me in and taught me to read, it's been my favorite book." How could you forget what an oddball Misa was? You sighed.

"Alright, believe what you want. Halloween is the day after tomorrow, after all. Be as spooky as you want." Misa rose and slipped the leather-bound book back into her bag. "Are you stealing that?" You harshly whispered. She shook her head.

"Nope! It's Rem's." Oh, gee.

"I'd rather steal from the library—which has free books—a concept I just remembered for some reason than Rem. Do you have a death wish? Nevermind, don't answer that. Why did you make me come to the library again?"

"Isn't this where people read?

"...You're right. I got nothing. Come on. I need to get back to the market. I promised my parents I would pick up the pumpkins Mello grew and carved. Apparently, people are putting lights in them to make the faces glow at night."

Your village was reasonably large, set on the misty hillside of the mountain. Though the nearest city where the Earl of the region lived was a few miles down the path and knights on horses frequented here on their patrols, your village felt world's away from society. It was also relatively famous for the chapel, so travelers often stopped to visit, especially with the holiday season.

It rested closest to where the cliff dropped into nothingness. Flowers surrounded it, and moss grew up its stone walls. Vivid glass windows decorated all sides and around the wooden doors. A tower ascended from the front to where a millennial old bell sat still for just as long, for it was only to ring when the world was set to end.

Within, pews lined the plush red rug. The rug ran straight to the golden altar, where a large statue stood behind. The stained glass filtered color light upon its flawless, stone complexion. Water poured from the few holes in the body down into the small pond around it.

"Are we going to meet on Halloween?" Misa asked. "You know it's my favorite holiday! Everyone will be on the square dancing and dressed up!" You smiled.

"Of course. You know my parents would not miss a party. We can meet on my porch since it's closer?" She nodded enthusiastically,

"Yes! That sounds perfect! See you then!" The blonde blew you a kiss and skipped in the direction of her house. You smiled before turning on your heel and approaching the square.

Of course, the market would be busy with both locals and travelers. It was mid-day, and each stand had its unique, limited-time holiday goods. You had to squeeze your way to make it to Mello's stand. The blonde grimaced as you approached. Ah. He's in a good mood!

"Afternoon, Mello."

"Y/N," he regarded you. "You're really going to buy a pumpkin with a scary face? Would it really go with your garden?" You scoffed.

"It's my parents, actually, and yes! I can be scary and festive! Not as good as you, Mello. I heard that you carved lots of pumpkins for the village." He hummed and motioned to those on the wooden stand.

"Not for the village," he replied. "You still have to pay, got it?" You rose your hands.

"Of course, of course." You began to browse the selection. "Will you be attending the festivities night of?" He scoffed.

"No. Now pick your poison or leave." You smiled and reached for one with a broad crooked smile. "Terrible taste." You furrowed your brows.

"...But you're the one who made it?" Mello's eyes widened for a second before narrowing once more.

"It's one of my worse ones. I guess it'll go well with you, then." You laughed and rubbed the carved circle around the stem with your hand.

"Yep! Sounds good, Mello." You reached into your pockets and dropped a few coins in front of him. "Keep the change. Happy Halloween!" Mello snatched the coins from the table and shooed you off. You morphed back into the crowd, maneuvering your way through the group back to your house.

An abrupt, intense headache wracked your skull, causing you to suddenly stop amid the crowd and wince, nearly dropping the pumpkin under your arm. With your free hand, you grasped your forehead, but the pain only escalated and pulsed down your body. Two particularly intense strands of pain erupted on your back.

Peeking up, the crowd blurred around you, but your eyes on a figure at the corner of the inn. He was too far to make out the intimate details besides his lithe frame and brown hair. For moments you locked eyes before he disappeared behind the inn.

The pain stopped as if it was an illusion. You snapped back into reality, chest heaving in relief. A few eyes looked at you in concern, but no one stopped to ask. Thankfully so. You wouldn't know what to tell them if they asked what happened.

Shaking your head, you safely made it to your small house hidden behind a large oak tree.

"Oh! You got the pumpkin! How was Mello?"

"Charming as ever, of course. I was just with Misa at the library before that. She told me the story about Kira and his fall to hell." Your mom nodded her head and took the pumpkin from your arm.

"Ah, that's an old one. I guess she's always been the type to be into that stuff. It freaks me out, personally." You followed your mom to the kitchen.

"Yeah, me too. I try to remind myself it's not real, but there's also the small tick in the back of my brain that tells me it may be, you know?" She nodded again.

"Oh, I like this carving! Nice choice, Y/N, but yes, I do that too. Especially since Halloween, this year, is on the full blood moon. An ill omen in all tales. Luckily the town's party rids my mind of such horrors, as should yours. Anything else happen today?" You paused.

"N-no. Nothing comes to mind. I think I'm going to go find father then wash up before dinner. Is he still in the forest?" Your mom nodded.

"Yep. He's been hunting that same deer for weeks now. Apparently, it has a rack of the like he has never seen before. Something of beauty. I think he doesn't even want to kill it as much as he wants to see it again." Your dad was somewhat of a conundrum. As much as he awed and loved nature, he was a hunter who made income on the sale of its pelts and horns. "I'm sure he hasn't found it yet. Maybe you can help."

Unlikely, but you liked to explore the misty pines surrounding your village. They were too safe and had a few secret spots where hollowed logs led to hidden clear ponds. Wishing your mom farewell, you entered the pines and inhaled their thick scent.

Your dad's job was handy in that you knew the backwoods like the back of your hand. He taught you the ways to track and navigate through the seemingly identical trunks.

He also unknowingly taught you to sense when something was off with the forest. After ten minutes of traversing, you finally had the feeling of dread. The mist was inches too low, the grass droplets too wet, and the temperature degrees too low. You held your breath and glanced at your surroundings.

A silhouette. A deer's head with a rack so vertically high you thought your eyesight was failing you. Except, as you stepped closer, this deer had the body of a man standing upon his two legs. Large hollow eyes oozed mist.

"..." something was whispered into the air. You continued to hold your breath. "...—/N." The deer-man gave no indication of moving, and you could not bring your feet to even wiggle the frost from your toes. "Y/N."

Your name. Crystal clear. Your breath hitched. His hand with long, natural claws extended forwards towards you. "Y/N," it repeated. "You mus—....—ere. No t—." You could not make out his words.

"Y/N!" Another yell. This time you recognized it as your father. Eyes blown open, you wretched your eyes from the deer-man and sprinted towards the voice of your father.

"I'm...sorry."

…

"You're not telling us everything." Your father accused. After you ran head-first into your father, petrified and stumbling over every word, he urged you home and waited for you to take the bath you begged them to allow you to have before sitting you in the sitting room, the fire roaring under the holiday wreath behind you.

'It just scared me. I've never seen a bear of its size." Why are you lying? You had no idea. As soon as your mom asked the first questions, lies flowed out of your mouth like the truth. Stories you naturally never could have conjured on the spot. Stories you would never because you did not lie, which is why your parents, despite their dubious expressions, did believe you. "I swear. I just got freaked out. I think it's because of the story Misa told me today."

"That girl," your dad muttered.

"She told them the story of the man who fell to hell. Kira." Your dad nodded and rubbed his chin with his hand.

"Ah, I see. That would do it. Y/N, I know the full blood moon is coming, but there's no need to fret. Stories are just stories, alright? Leave your candlelight on tonight should you be scared of the dark, alright? Me and your mom are in the room over, alright?" You nodded. "Good. Now, what's for dinner?"

…

You lit the candle that night. In your nightwear, you sat on the edge of the bed. Muffled moonlight streamed through the frosted window and reflected off the full-length mirror in the corner. You inhaled deeply through your nose and exhaled through your mouth.

"They're just stories. Just stories." Like a mantra, you repeated this under your breath as you ducked under the covers. Opening your eyes, though, you were met with a flash of shadow in the mirror. You jumped and stared at it with eyes open enough to feel the cold air. You waited for something in the still room to move, for it to flash again, but nothing did. Thankfully.

Still, you threw the blanket off of yourself and approached to assure yourself that yes, it was nothing, and yes, there was nothing: just your reflection and the room behind you.

Until you blinked.

For a second, blood poured down your body and wetted down your clothes against your figure—wings broken and limp behind your back.

You screamed and smashed the mirror with your fist on impulse. Along with the shards, your body fell to the ground, and actual bloodied hands kept you from collapsing entirely. However, the features in the fragments were not yours. The man, the one from the square, stared back, but at this closer view, you can see his eyes.

Red.

You threw yourself back against the wall and screamed. Your door busted open, and your parents barged in. Your mother ran to your side and took your hand in hers while your father took in the big picture around him.

"I-I thought I saw something in the mirror. Misa told me once the m-mirror is the passage to the other world. I-I know it's stupid for me to react like this, but I just… I don't know. Do you think it's the blood moon?" Your parents were quiet.

'It could be," your mother said. "The blood moon is supposed to come with magic. It enables beings to crossover from other worlds, from other planes. It is the ill omen, but crossing over is all they can do. They can't touch you or hurt you. That, I promise." You nodded.

Your parents stayed with you, and, for the first time since you were literally a toddler, you slept in their room, blankets wrapped around you on their floor. Relief flooded your system when sunlight broke through the window. Though your sleep was haunted by vague images and muddled whispers, you slept through the night after the incident.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Your dad asked. "You can skip your daily chores if you don't want to do them. Tomorrow too. Aren't I generous?" You laughed but shook your head no.

"That's alright. I think if I stay home, I'll just keep thinking about it. I need to get my mind off of it. Doing chores will put my mind at ease. Some normalcy, I think." Your dad nodded, though you can tell your parents weren't eager to just forget the events of last night.

You knew someone, though, that would be eager to learn about them.

"Misa, can you keep a secret?" She bit into an apple.

"No," she replied simply. "I tell Rem everything, but that's it. I don't really talk to many other people here besides you and her, so no one else to tell, but I know Rem will mind her business. She talks to fewer people than I do." That was true. You could count the number of times you talked to Rem on a single hand, and Misa said she liked you.

"Okay, don't freak out, but…"

She freaked out.

"And they were red?" You nodded.

"Glowing. A sinister smirk on his face. His hands in the reflection, touching my own through the glass. It was the same as the one I saw in the square right after we met." Misa's eyes widened in enthusiasm and jubilation.

"It's him! It has to be! Kira!" You shook your head.

"No, my mom explained it to me. It's a spirit from the other plane playing a joke on me. She told me that after I stopped crying and fled to their room before I passed out. That story isn't real. It… can't be." Misa shook her head and leaned forward.

"It is! It's not that you don't believe it's real; it's that you don't want to believe it's real! Y/N, you have to believe me." You grimaced and backed away to create some breathing room.

"Why would I want it to be real?" You whispered solemnly. "Why would I want that to happen to me? I can't believe it's real. It can't be real. I'm terrified if it is real, okay? If my parents think it's real because I do, they'll tell the church, and if the church finds out? You know how they deal with spiritual trespassers and those they possess. I'd basically be dead. My soul stripped from my being to ensure I do not bring harm to anyone else. I would be a hollow body, Misa! Don't you get that!?" You inhaled a ragged breath.

"...Has anything happened today?" You shook your head. "It's already almost sunset, so that's a good sign, at least. Sorry, I got too excited. Your feelings and safety are important. Okay, I promise I won't tell a soul about this." You breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you. I just… don't know what to do."

"Have you gone to the chapel? The water from the statue is supposed to cure any possession." You shook your head. "Okay! I think I know your next steps, then. Come on!" She stood abruptly from the bench and held out her hands. "Let's go!"

She dragged you across the diameter of town until your footsteps echoed across the chamber. A few holy people greeted you as they did their duties. Some travelers prayed at the pews for good luck and well-being. A single man stood next to the pond where the statue stood.

"Greetings," he welcomed. "I recognize you two from town, but I don't believe we've met. My name is Soichiro. Are you here to drink from the spring?" Misa nudged you forward.

"Y-yes. Oh, I'm Y/N." He nodded.

"I see. Does the blood moon have you nervous? Don't worry. Lots of people come to do the same before a blood moon. Come and cup your hands and drink the water. Any disease in your soul shall be healed." You lowered yourself down to your knees and cupped the crisp water between your palms. You lowered yourself to sip, and you swallowed.

But it would not go down.

You began to cough, and your body convulsed with coughs. Liquid did come from your mouth, but the drops upon the ground were not clear, but a vicious red. Soichiro yelled for the other holy people as your body shook and twisted. Ropes bound your wrists, and hands steadied your head—arms wrapped around your waist to keep you as still as possible. A man placed his palm on your forehead and whispered incomprehensible words. When he finished, he ripped his hand away, and your breath was restored. You were unable to fall with the tight grip they still had on you.

"W-what happened?" You asked, feeling the tears on your cheeks continuing to inch down and the blood drying on your chin. "I-I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Take them to the purification chamber."

"No! Please, no! Help me! Someone, please help!" It was a joint effort between numerous holy people to lift your struggling form from the ground. "Misa! Mom! Dad!" you called out for, yet, in the chapel, none of them were there. However, your screaming did not stop for them until you were placed on a large chair and gagged. Your legs were bound to the bottom of the chair, and arms rebound to the arms. Holy people circled around you.

The chair you were in was much less a chair and more so a throne. Pure white metal was attached directly to the ground. Red cushioning provided comfort to your rear and back. With ragged breaths, you looked waited until one of them spoke or did anything besides watch you. It was the man who sentenced you here that approached.

"Soichiro," someone called, but he ignored them and angled his head down towards you.

"I am going to undo your gag. Do not scream. I just want you to tell us the truth if you know anything. Sometimes… they do things without signaling a mortal." Large calloused hands undid the gag, and you inhaled greedily. "Now, tell us."

"A-are you going to take my soul?"

"Speak first. I cannot make promises I do not know if I can keep." You swallowed and explained what you could to them. Your eyes were focused on the ground. The terror you would feel if his reaction was bad was too grand for you to meet his eyes. The silence after you ended your experience was deafening. "I see." He looked to a holy person nearby. "We need twenty-four-hours to prepare for the ritual. It leaves us with little room before the blood moon rises. If we do not store their soul… go now. It is much worse than any of us could have imagined." Your heart plummeted.

"W-what? No! Please! Tell me what's going on! D-don't take my soul, please! I-I want to live! I'll run away! You'll never see me again!" Soichiro stared at you with what you hoped was empathy. The bags under his eyes spoke of his wisdom and his exhaustion. He motioned for the rest of the holy people to leave, so it was just him standing over you.

"I'm sorry, child." He spoke softly, knuckles wiping the tears flowing down your face. "No matter how far you run, no matter how fast, no matter how well you hide, no matter how you continue on: alive or dead, he will come for you. The moment you locked eyes in the mirror, you were bound to him, just as you always have been." You shook your head, vehemently.

"It's not true, is it? Kira... is he…?" Soichiro smiled sadly. "It can't be… it can't be me. It's impossible." You sobbed. "How? Please, at least tell me before… before…" You couldn't even make the words out.

"My son," he began, "was always destined for greatness, but then greatness found him, and he became too great. The power he found was a single, black notebook. Write someone's name, and they would pass. It originally is from a Shinigami, a god of death, that possessed him while he owned it, but… there are forces more potent than Shinigami in the universe. He and his opponent, the one who sought to bring the mysterious killer Kira, my son, that plagued the land to justice, who we called L, always were at a battle of wits, of plans, but, in the end, my son won.

"But this victory angered others. It was they who killed him at the throne of the world. It was they who watched him plummet to hell. It was they who built the statue in this chapel and sealed him in hell so he could never return, but they have long passed. Their magic fading in time. I could do nothing in all this time except pray to angels to keep my son at bay." He paused and looked up solemnly. "You must be wondering how I am alive," He looked down at his pale hands.

"The notebook is gone now. The Shinigami that dropped it fled back to his world when Lig- Kira, was cast down to hell. I, too, touched the notebook. A scheme my son created to get ahead. The curse of it never went away, and I am now stuck to live eternity until my son ends it." He clenched his fist. "I did not know you were so close. I did not know it was you. If I did… I would have taken your soul long before you could have known life without it." You shook your head.

"I don't understand. What is my part? The book… the book only showed a cage with… someone in it. The story has no word of them. Just the girl… the weapon that served him." Soichiro sighed.

"Back then, the plane between the mortal realm and other words was thinner when angels and spirits would roam mortal lands. You were an angel. A new one. Young. Wide-eyed and drawing silver linings wherever you walked. Someone he set to ruin. Someone with a soul so pure that he can take and twist to his own liking. No one should see you except him, so he locked you away and bound his soul to yours and your soul to his. As long as he lived, whether here or hell, you would too.

"But just your soul. Unlike me, whose mortal body is stuck, it is solely your soul that has been recycled for eons. His part, the part of his soul within you, could only be awakened should your eyes meet his. Then, with his entire soul active and with the power of the red blood moon, he will be able to break the barrier that seals him tomorrow night. We must lock away part of his power, so he cannot walk this land again.

"Should he, then he will seek to claim all that was taken from him. The mortal world will fall as we know it. Those he inevitably tricked in hell to follow him will breakthrough behind him. What the world deserves for not seeing him as the god he sees himself as." Tears pooled in Soichiro's eyes. "I still love my son. The bright-eyed boy, but he cannot love. What he feels for you is something far darker, something twisted. I do not know what he will do if he finds you. You will be better off soulless." You sobbed.

"B-but the deer-man in the woods. Do you - I mean…" He furrowed his brows and shook his head.

"I don't know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry my son came upon you. No one deserves this fate." You wretched in your bindings, ragged breaths, and eery whines escaping your mouth. "Some will be around to feed you later, and someone… someone will explain everything to your parents.

"Let me see them!" You yelled out. "Please! One last time! They don't know anything! I just want to… please, I… I get it. Why you have to do this, but please let me say goodbye. Please. I just," you bit your bottom lip to prevent another wail, "please." Soichiro shook his head. The man could no longer maintain eye contact with you.

"I can't. We cannot risk you talking to anyone lest risk his jealousy. As far as we are concerned, you are not you. You are his." You pulled against the ropes once more. "I'm… so sorry. It is best for everyone that he does not see you with others while he is powerful enough to watch this world. I hope you never forgive me." Crestfallen, he turned his back and approached the door.

"No! Come back! Please! Don't leave me alone here! P-please! S-Soichiro!" Only the slam and locking of the door met your calls.

You don't know how long you howled and wailed, how many times it echoed back in the circular chamber to your ear. There came the point where your body could make no more tears, so you were left with pathetic dry heaves. It was then that a voice whispered in your head.

"Y/N…" It was different than the voice in the woods. It was sinister, deep, evil. You focused on anything, the floor's intricate patterns, the ceiling, the running water behind the chair, the plants around the circumference of the room, anything to not acknowledge it. "Oh, aren't you a gift wrapped up for me? Clearly my father's work. Don't ignore me, Y/N. I know your every move. I know you can hear my every word"

"F-fuck you!" You cried, and he laughed. Then, he clicked his tongue.

"Such dirty words. You're not the angel I remember, fresh out of the clouds. Ah, but there wasn't much angel left, from what I can recall. Do you feel it, Y/N? It shouldn't be long now…" For a long time, nothing happened, then, like two knives down your back, you screamed. "Ah, there it is. Those screams, I do remember. I don't care if it hurts." Blood soaked the cushion behind you and flowed down to your rear. "You brought this on yourself. This is what you deserve."

"I didn't do anything!" You writhed.

"Is that what my father told you? Is that what the story says? Oh, they couldn't be more wrong, love. You denied me what I deserve. You could have fallen to hell right with me, where you can be where you belong, but you stayed. I couldn't have you running back to the angels to live your days without me. I wouldn't allow it. If I hadn't had Mikami lock you in that cage, if I hadn't bound our souls, your grave would be in the flower fields above the clouds, but you got conceited.

"Let me remind you of something, love. You are mine. Your body, your mind, your heart, your soul, what's between your legs, it's all mine. We are bound for eternity, Y/N. There is nothing you can do about it." He got quiet just as the immediate pain receded, leaving you with intense throbs.

"You… won't get the chance," you spoke through tears. "Big talk for someone who isn't even going to breach this plane." A flash of pain sparked in your skull. He chuckled.

"Oh, Y/N. Perhaps you are just as green as you were when we met. I can't wait to feel you again. To have you watch me burn the world." Silence.

Despite your exhaustion, you could not sleep. You might as well have melted into the chair in how your body did not move a single inch, too scared to bother your wounds, and have the pain come back that is still aching. You did not want to spend your last hours unconscious. No one came to feed you.

"They're coming," he said. "They'd better be quick, then. The moon is almost up out there, after all." He groaned, and you jolted at the feeling of a cold hand on your neck.

Soichiro and a train of holy people entered the room and surrounded you. He approached your limp body and undid your bounds. You did not miss him tense, and his eyes widen at the pool of blood in the seat from your back.

'We must hurry. Any minute he will come through." Soichiro enlisted others to help him carry you back up the stairs to the altar. "Twenty four hours in the chamber has amplified their soul. It explains the marks on their back from their past life. Quick, on the altar!" The cloth was smooth against your skin as they placed you.

Movement flurried around you as different scents were sprayed, various objects were placed on the ground and on the altar around you, and foreign words were spoken around you. Fatigue racked your body. There was not a single inch of your body that you could to move.

Soichiro stood over your body. Your eyes, dead and clouded, stared up at him. In his hand was a singular, transparent, glass object. Quickly, he lifted his hand, ready to plunge it down.

A loud bang resounded in the chapel, and the glass fell with a splatter of blood. You rolled your head to the side and watched two bodies approach from the entrance. All of the holy people around you were blown limply against the walls around you. It was only when they were right above you that you recognize it was Misa and Rem.

"Rem, can you carry them? Do you still have your strength?"

"Do not worry, Misa," she replied. Long arms lifted you while Misa skipped ahead and smiled reassuringly back at you. Music filled the crisp air. Lights hanging from the trees and other ornaments swept by your visual field. You groaned and lulled your head to face Misa.

"M-Misa, no." You groaned. "He's coming." She giggled and turned around. Skipping backward, her smile widened. Behind her, the crowd gathered in the village square. Their vivid garments stuck out under the lights.

"Of course I know, silly! Rem is a Shinigami just as the one who gave Kira his power. Just like he had a notebook, I had Rem's, but it was destroyed eons ago. Still, it binds me to live eternally, just like Soichiro. Luckily, Rem's cloaking magic covered me when I've met him, or he would have spoiled it all for us!

"When I saw you, I knew it was you. No matter how you may physically change, your heart and soul are always the same. Now, he's going to return to us. He's going to spearhead the new world." She twirled her hair around her finger. "Isn't that exciting?"

You had no strength to fight in Rem's hold. Even if you did, you were unsure if you would be able to beat a Shinigami.

Eyes were drawn to you as your bloodied and weak form was carried by an almost unidentifiable figure. Gasps echoed across the crowd, the music stopping as you presumably reached the square.

"They watch helplessly," he spoke. "They know you are not theirs to touch. Soon, they will all know my power. They will all know who you belong to. Keep your eyes open, love."

"Y/N! Y/N! Move! That's our child! Move! Y/N! The desperate calls of your parents broke through the crowd, but Rem presumably pushed them far back just the holy people, scaring the public to still and part for your funeral march. You heard the sick smack of bodies against a surface. Misa hummed to herself in front of you. Your head rolling back, you met Mello's wide and helpless eyes as he stood in the crowd.

Misa led you away from the crowd and stopped at the flagpole at the village's entrance gates with the group following. Rem retied you to the base of the flagpole; your arms crossed over your chest in a familiar 'X,' legs and waist bound to the pole. Misa's settled herself next to you.

"All!" She called. "Watch as the blood moon rises behind the chapel! He who fell to hell is rising again to take what is rightfully his!" She pointed to the moon as it brilliantly glowed crimson above the chapel. Murmurs rose from the crowd, suspicious and fearful. "Watch as our god returns to the mortal realm!"

The church bell rang. Its deathly reverberations echoing in your ear. The crowd fell to silence.

"Have you missed me, love?" He spoke. "Because I have missed you."

A red beam of light erupted from the chapel, followed quickly by multiple explosions. The statue, the roof, the infrastructure all crumbling by the expanding beam of light that touched the sky, screams erupted from the crowd, and they began to scramble. You pulled with what little strength you had left, but the pole against your back seized you in pain to cease your movements.

A silhouette could be made out of the beam. Large black wings spread from his back, sharp and jagged. Hands rose above his head before he dropped down in front of the chapel submerged in flames. His shadow enraptured you, and though his shadow was mostly unclear from a distance, you could make out his eyes even from here. Slowly, he took his first step forwards.

Every needle and leaf in the trees around him fell. The grass withered all around him. Ash from the sky and littered the ground. With each step, the radius expanded until more and more life died around him. Your eyes trailed to the unconscious bodies of your parents against a tree. His zone of death stretched farther than them.

"Eyes on me."

"You're going to kill them!" You screeched. "Stop this madness at once!" You shook in your bonds. Misa was frozen next to you, eyes wide in anticipation as he approached.

"Ordering me around? Perhaps you still are conceited. I think killing them will remind you of your place, hm?" Unfortunate humans were reduced to ash in his radius. The wind blew the ashes all around him, gently lifting his brown tufts of hair. "These mortals are nothing compared to you and I. Accept me as your mate. Accept the part of your soul that is my own, and the pain will all go away. You'll be dragged down to hell, and I'll bring you right back up."

Your parent's ashes were a different color than the rest.

"You know, it's been an eternity since I've heard you call my name. Do you even remember it?" You shook your head and squeezed your eyes shut. The thick scent of smoke, of ash, of death, permeated the air. "Eyes on me." He was almost here. Arms extended to the side, he approached from the other side of the square now.

"Misa, we need to leave."

"No! He's here! He's finally here, Rem!"

"His aura will kill you, Misa."

"No, I won't! He won't!" Rem, at lightning speed, grabbed Misa and flew in the other direction. "No! Put me down! I'll never forgive you! Stop!" Her voice echoed until it was out of range. Your head lashed back and forth, looking for any sign of life, but there was none: just ash, dying grass, and gnarled, graying trees.

Dressed in all black, eyes blazing, teeth sharp, wings stretched, he now stood before you with the moon on his back. You pushed yourself against the pole despite the shock of pain. The grass around you died, the bugs vanishing, but you remained fine. You stared at his feet.

"Oh, love," soft fingers reached down and tilted your head up. "You're as beautiful as I remember." Black wings encircled you, so you could only see him. "Do you remember my name?" You shook your head, and he gripped your chin harder. "Do not lie to me. Say my name, Y/N. Sew the wounds of your forsaken wings and accept your place with me." His voice resounded in you. "You feel it. I know you do. I feel your pain. Your fear. I've felt every emotion your reincarnations have ever felt. Say my name." He leaned in close.

"Kira." He clicked his tongue.

"Stop resisting," he hissed. "Say my name, Y/N." His breath glided against your cheek. His hand moved to cup your jaw, and the other trailed down your waist.

"Light." It came off your lips quickly, easily, and he smiled, eyes widening with pleasure. Immediately, relief filled your physical body, your back's pain dissolving. Your head tilted back in bliss.

"Y/N," he whispered against your neck. "Finally." He inhaled your scent deeply, hand tilting your head to give him more access. He placed a small kiss against your skin. His kisses trailed upwards, along your jaw, frantic against your cheeks, nose, until he captured your lips and stole your breath.

"Oh, Y/N," he whispered against your lips. "I love you."

#light yagami x reader #light yagami x you #yandere light yagami x reader #Light Yagami #yandere death note #yandere light yagami #death note fic #x reader #reader insert #yandere reader insert #halloween special #happy halloween everyone!

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sparklingichigo · 3 years

Text

OVA III - Beel's courting

A/N: This chapter is inspired by a headcanon made by @diavolosthots you can find the actual writing here!

This happens during the times where Beel and Ichigo are not together yet. It was the time where Beel finally realized that he genuinely likes Ichigo and wants to pursue her. Of course, it wouldn't be easy since this girl is friendly and kind to everyone, even him. It's to the point that's he's confused if she's flirting or just being nice to him.

Belphie: So you like-like her?

Beel: I do, but I do need some advice from you since she's actually friendly to everyone :(

Belphie: I think it is safe to pursue her since she's a single pringle.

Beel: True...

Belphie: You can do it Beel! I believe in you!

Beel: Thanks a lot, Belphie!

After talking to Belphie, Beel tells the other brothers that he's about to enter that phase, just if anything he said would be harmful and so that they won't disturb him during such phase.

With that, the courting phase begins. From the looks of it, Ichigo notices that Beel always appears in the same places as her. When she gets out from magic class with Solomon, Beel is waiting for her outside her classroom. It was unfortunate that Beel has a different schedule from her despite having the same exact major.

Solomon: Oh, Hey, Beel!

Beel: Hey, Solomon^^

Ichigo: Beel!! [runs to give him a hug]

Beel: O-oh hey ^^

Ichigo: Did you come to get me? Am I invited to your taste trip again?

Beel: Yeah, I actually want to take you out for lunch today. I know you like exploring Devildom's food, right?

Ichigo: I do! It's interesting actually^^

Solomon: Well, I'll get going. Have fun, you two.

Ichigo: Bye, Monsolo!!

As soon as Solomon leaves, the two go to the restaurant that Beel wants to take her to. It's called Devil's chicken. Devil's chicken just opened days ago, and it seems to be a really famous chicken restaurant in devildom.

Ichigo: These are actually good! I like it!

Beel: You do?

Ichigo: Yeah, I'll give it a 5/5!

Beel responds with a smile listening to her remarks. He's already whipped since day one, especially after Ichigo saved him and Luke from Lucifer's wrath. That's where he starts to admire her. Sure, at first he thinks she's just a delicious meal, now she's not only a delicious meal, but she's also something more. Plus, he admits that Ichigo is good-looking, Asmo has stated, but he hasn't paid any attention until they stayed together in his room. That's when he starts getting attracted to her!

Ichigo: Beel?

Beel: Yeah?

Ichigo: You're blanking out... are you okay?

Beel: Yeah. Oh, there's something on your face

Ichigo: Hm? What is it?

Beel: Here, let me help.

Beel helps Ichigo get rid of the chicken crumbs on her face as the pink-haired girl smiles shyly at this action. Ichigo herself does find Beel attractive because who wouldn't be attracted to that handsome face, tall body, and- *cough* friendly nature.

Anyways, the more they got closer, the clingier Beel got. Luckily it doesn't bother Ichigo since she has some space to herself as well. But it gets a bit troublesome when Beel reaches the next phase, the protective phase. How do we explain this? This man has always been protective, but this time it's troublesome because he actually replaces Mammon as Ichigo's study partner and actually the one taking her to school.

Mammon: Wait! Beel! Hold up!! [chasing after them]

Beel: It's okay, Mammon. I'll be the one taking her. Besides, you have a different major, right?

Mammon: Well...yeah, but still! Lucifer might kill me!

Beel: He won't. I'll explain to him. Don't worry!

Mammon: Alright then... be careful, human!

Ichigo: Don't worry! Beel is a good protector~

Mammon: Shut it! I'm literally your first!

Ichigo: Yeah, yeah~

Another time, Beel actually hangs out inside Ichigo's room, more often confusing everyone. Not only that, they all get glares and growls from this man just because they're entering Ichigo's room except for Haruka since it's her room too. The first victim is Asmo since he wants Ichigo to model for him for another clothing line he's doing, but as soon as he opens the door....that man literally glares at him.

Asmo: [opens the door unannounced] Bestie~! Let's go! I need you for-

Beel: [glaring at Asmo]

Asmo: What's wrong?

Beel: Get out.

Asmo: Why should I?! Plus, Ichigo has promised that she'll model for me!

Beel: Get. Out!

Asmo:... oh my goodness! Are you in that phase?!

Beel: Asmo, please don't make me repeat it!

Asmo: Alright, okay! Understandable! Good luck, Beel!

The door slams close as the girl beside him glances at Beel confusedly.

Ichigo: What's wrong?

Beel: It's nothing. I'm just in a terrible mood...that's all

Ichigo: Oh, do you want to do something to cheer you up?

Beel: Having you near me is enough actually^^

Ichigo blushes a little by that statement, but she doesn't say a thing and just snuggles into Beel's hold once again. Yes, they're actually just laying down on her bed with a movie playing in front of them.

Another time, Satan wants to return a book to Ichigo because they've been exchanging them a lot. Once he opens the door, he finds Beel glaring at him. Satan, being the avatar of wrath, is clearly offended.

Satan: What?! Can I not return my book?!

Beel: Then make it quick.

Satan: What?!

Beel: Just put it there, and go!

Satan: excuse me?! Okay, first of all, you piece of sht, you've monopolizing her! I can't even exchange books freely with her because as soon as I did that, you dragged her away into what?! Some unimportant bullsht like this!

Beel: Satan, please don't-

Satan: And you know what?! Just because you're pursuing her doesn't give you the right to be an asshole!

Ichigo: Sa-Satan...calm down...it's okay....just put the book there...

Satan: Shut it, human! This is none of your business!

And that does it, f in the chatroom for Satan's cheek because Beel literally just punched him there.

Satan: Did you just punched me?! Oh! So that's how it is, huh?! Let's do this then! [demon form mode on]

Ichigo: Guys...there's no need to fight.....

Beel: Let's go then- [completely ignoring Ichigo's words]

Ichigo: Beel, get back here! The movie is still going!

Beel: But-

Ichigo: Please? [puppy eyes]

Beel instantly went soft and did what Ichigo told him. Satan rolls his eyes and places the book on Ichigo's table, and gets out of there. The next victim is Mammon, who walks in unannounced. Oh, boy, that's just worse.

Mammon: Hey, human! Guess what!

Beel: [glaring at him]

Mammon: What?!

Beel: [still doing that]

Ichigo: [points at the door awkwardly]

Mammon: Right...that horrible phase of courting....dang it! [exits the door]

Once Mammon exits the door, he sees Asmo and Satan giving him the "I told you so" look. It's not like he didn't believe them, but it's Beel! He's the kindest demon of them all. How could he scold his own siblings?

Satan: First of all, he did. Didn't you hear us shouting there?!

Mammon: You probably did something fatal to him!

Satan: I was just returning a book! How is that fatal?!

Asmo: And Ichigo has promised to model for me today! Now I have to postpone every single set in existence!

Satan: I'll just do this reasonably. Who here, when they have a crush on someone, would go overprotective?

Mammon: [is silent]

Asmo: Mammon, don't play this game with me. You are too protective for your own good!

Mammon: Fine... [raises his hand]

Satan: So am I, and I'm well aware of that [putting his hand up]

Asmo: I'm guessing Levi, Lucifer and Belphie is also part of that. I'm more on the flirty side, you know~

Satan: We know-

As the three of them discuss this, Haruka sees them, and she asks them what's going on out of curiosity.

Satan: [sigh] That friend of yours is stuck in that room with Beel! He won't even let us in, look! He even punched me!

Haruka: Perhaps you did something incredibly wrong?

Satan: How is returning my book wrong?!

Haruka: Why are you shouting at me?!

Satan: Because I'm still pissed?!

Asmo: Why are you guys getting loud?!

Satan and Haruka: SHUT IT!

Suddenly they hear Levi's door slam open with an angry avatar of envy right there.

Levi: What's with yall?! Why are you so loud in the middle of the night?!

Satan: None of your business, you, snake of a demon!

Levi: Okay...?

Asmo: [sigh] Beel has been scolding us for no reason and has been overly protective of Ichigo. When I say over, I mean OVERLY and UNREASONABLE!

Levi: I'm sure something you guys did may harm that girl. It ain't that big of a deal.

Asmo: It does! It does to my career!

Satan: ...it's not a big deal, but it still pisses me off because he dares to act like an asshole just because he likes someone.

Levi: Wait...

Satan: What?

Levi: BEEL LIKES ICHIGO?!

Mammon: You haven't noticed?!

Levi:...no?

Mammon: Do his acts not reminded you of every single romance show you watched?!

Levi: Sort- OMLD!

Another door was opened by an annoyed Lucifer, shouting at them to shut up because their loudness gave him a migraine.

Lucifer: Can you all keep it down?!

Satan: Well, blame your younger brother then!

Lucifer: ???

Belphie: zzz.....Beel is in the courting phase....zzz...

Lucifer facepalms at this, but it's best not to disturb him since Beel is on his courting phase. It might create more problems, so Lucifer doesn't bother confronting that gluttony of a demon and just goes back to his office.

Haruka: Are you sure he literally did not let anyone in?

Asmo: Solomon once got smacked by a pillow when he was trying to return something.

Haruka: Really?

Asmo: Yeah, I'd probably justify it if it's out of shock. But nope, Beel actually goes to that portal and Smacks Solomon's head as soon as it pops up.

Haruka: Wow, he's not only protective but violent as well?

Satan: Yes, yes he is [sigh]

Without hesitation, Haruka goes to her room. Of course, the brothers try to stop her out of concern, but Haruka doesn't listen to them because it's her room too.

Haruka: [knocking on the door] Ichigo, you there?

Ichigo: Yep! Right here! Beel is with me too!

Haruka: Can I come in?

Haruka waits for the answer until she hears the door unlock and Beel's voice answering her.

Beel: Yes, you can.

Haruka: Oh, Thank God- [entering the room] oh! You guys are watching a movie?

Beel: Yeah!

Ichigo: Do you want to join us?

Haruka : If Beel allows me^^

Beel was a bit hesitant about this idea, but he lets her watch the movie with them. Meanwhile, in Lucifer's office, the rest of the brothers (namely Mammon, Satan, and Asmo) complain about Beel's attitude causing the eldest to slam his desk to shut them up.

Lucifer: Then don't disturb him!

Satan: What?! Okay, first off, just because you're pursuing someone doesn't mean you should be an asshole to others!

Lucifer: Don't play this game with me, Satan. You know well that this phase isn't something he can't control!

Satan: Oh? So we're talking self-control, huh?! How about you control that pride of yours, huh?!

Asmo and Mammon gasp at Satan's comment because, oh wow, this is getting personal. Lucifer glares at his brother/son while Satan looks as smug as ever.

Lucifer: Mammon, Asmo, take him out of my office.

Mammon: Will do-

Asmo: Okay-

The two brothers dragged Satan away from the office, leaving Lucifer sighing and thinks he might need something to relieve his stress.

About the phase, there's something odd about it. Because Beel surprisingly allows the angels to meet Ichigo! The target of his pursue! One time, Simeon and Luke both visit because Simeon needs to meet Haruka and Luke wants to meet Ichigo to share food together.

Beel: Oh well, Haruka is in her room with Ichigo.

Luke: Ooh! Is she busy?

Beel: Not really^^ [sniffs the air] Oh, those smell good-

Luke: No! [puts the basket away] These are for Ichigo! >:(

Beel: Alright, alright^^ [pats Luke]

The other brothers witnessing this are confused. Why is Beel allowing the angels in?!

Satan: Are you for real?!

Asmo: I'm so confused-

Mammon: He let them in, and he's friendly with them?!

Satan: That doesn't make sense! We're all men, and we can't enter her room yet when it's Simeon and Luke they can?!

Asmo: That's so unfair!

As Beel takes them into the room, the chaotic trio (yes, Satan is now as chaotic due to his rage) chases after him. The three of them basically trying to enter.

Satan: Beel! Open up! This doesn't make any sense! You're allowing them in, but we can't?!

Asmo: Bestie, Ichigo? Can I come in? I won't do much. Cross my heart!

Mammon: Heh! Courting phase, my ass! You're just monopolizing her for your own benefit!

Haruka, who is also inside, is concerned because THEIR DOOR IS ABOUT TO BREAK FOR THE NTH TIME!

Haruka: That door is going to break! We need someone to stop it

Simeon: ... I didn't know your phase would go this bad, Beel...

Beel: I told them I'd be in my courting phase, and I even apologized beforehand for my actions, but here we are...

Ichigo: You're in a what-

Luke: What even is going on? What phase? Why am I here?

Beel: No-nothing! I'm just-

Haruka: [sigh] Whatever, we need someone to prevent the door from breaking apart. The last time that broke was because SOMEONE is too SENSITIVE of his FOOD!

Beel: Can we stop talking about that... it's been months!

Haruka: Just stop that! I don't want my door breaking out again!

Beel: Fine-

Ichigo: Wait, no-

Haruka: ??? Our door is going to break, and you still hesitate?!

Ichigo: I know what to do- [calls Lucifer]

With that, Ichigo calls Lucifer to help them with the door. Lucifer sighs for the nth time. How many times does he need to deal with this?!

Lucifer: For the last time! STOP BOTHERING HIM!

Satan: It isn't fair! He even lets Simeon and Luke in!

Lucifer: They're angels-

Satan: Yeah? Tell that to Solomon, who got smack by him because he's trying to return something.

Lucifer: Solomon is suspicious, and I'm sort of proud he did that. Now get off the door before I use physical force on you.

Asmo: But-

Lucifer: NOW!

Asmo and Mammon back away while Satan scoffs and just leans on the door. We have no idea why he's so persistent. Either he's into one of the girls, or he just wants to piss Lucifer off.

Lucifer: [sigh] Fine, physical force it is. [drags Satan by force]

Satan: What the?! Let go! Hey! LET GO!!

Lucifer: I TOLD YOU TO BACK AWAY BUT YOU DIDN'T!

Satan: This is none of your business!

Lucifer: Clearly is, Beel's my brother, and obviously, our honored guest needs my help.

Satan: Just let go of me, you prideful prick!

Back inside, the rest are listening to the chaos out there. They did hear Lucifer scolding them but finally, it's silent.

Haruka: Oh God, finally!

Beel: Finally, indeed...

Ichigo: Can someone just tell me what's going on?!

Beel: I can't.... not now, at least...

Ichigo: Why not?! Beel, I don't know how the demon system works, sure, but you have to be honest with me!

Beel: If I tell you.... it would just fail. Can you please trust me on this? This is not a bad thing, okay...

Ichigo: Not a bad thing?! You're literally keeping me away from your brothers! Are you sure this isn't a bad thing?!

Luke: ?? Why are they fighting??

Simeon: I'm not sure.... let's just leave them...

Haruka: I think that's a good idea... sure, let's do that...

Days have passed, and Ichigo is still a bit salty about this. Because clearly, Beel has gone a bit overprotective for his own good. Even when she's hanging out with Belphie, that man would literally growl at his own twin. I repeat, his OWN TWIN BROTHER! Even the youngest groans in frustration hearing him.

Belphie: Beel! This is my room! Come on!

Beel: Fine....just don't come near her. [actually keeps Ichigo close]

Belphie: I won't! Chill out, twin bro!

Beel: Okay...

Ichigo: What's happening? Why are you still like this?!

Beel:...

Belphie: He's in-

Beel: [glares at Belphie]

Belphie: Well, alright then- :))

The last case is when Lucifer calls Ichigo into his office. Beel is hesitant to let her leave, but this is Lucifer, so he has to. Once she's there, it turns out that Lucifer found out about Beel's actions and asked about them.

Lucifer: So, I heard Beel is on another phase, is he?

Ichigo: A phase? What phase?

Lucifer: A phase where he turns into an overprotective demon.

Ichigo: That's true... I'm not sure why, though.

Lucifer: Of course not. You're not a demon, Ichigo. You have 0 idea how the system works.

Ichigo: True...

Lucifer: He's actually on his courting phase.

Ichigo: Courting phase?

Lucifer: Yes, just like in the human world. He's courting you.

Ichigo: ...what?!

Lucifer: I'm not surprised. Honestly, he's already whipped. But here's the issue with that behavior. He'll most likely abandon his tasks for you or the other way around, pulling you away from your tasks. Now we don't want that don't we?

Ichigo: Certainly not, sir-

Lucifer: Indeed. I'm not sure when it'll end, but you need to catch up on your tasks and your report soon once that phase ends.

Ichigo: Of course

Jokes on you all, there's more. Because that one time, Ichigo, Haruka, and Levi are watching TSL. Levi even invited Simeon and Solomon to watch with them. Ichigo is so engorged in that movie that she didn't realize Beel has joined them.

Simeon: Oh hey, Beel! You're here to join us?

Beel: Yep^^

Levi: Probably here for the snack. Here, have them. [gives Beel popcorns]

Beel: Thanks a lot, Levi!

The movie went on as the TSL fans (Levi and Solomon) focused on the film. Haruka and Ichigo are not big fans, but they must admit it's a good movie. Suddenly, Ichigo feels a head on her shoulder. She turns her head to the right and finds Beel leaning on her shoulder. He's even nuzzling on her neck.

Ichigo: Beel, that tickles- [tries not to laugh]

Beel: Oh...can I still lean on you?

Ichigo: Sure, that's okay^^

Beel: Thanks, you're really cozy [gives her a slight ruffle on her hair]

Ichigo: Hey! You're going to ruin it!

Beel: No, I didn't!

The others stare at them, yes, even Levi because these two are kinda loud. Levi rolls his eyes and scolds them for talking during a movie.

Levi: Can you two normies take the flirting somewhere else?!

Beel:... :(

Ichigo: Sorry Levi- ;-;

Haruka: Don't mind them, Levi. We can still watch the movie.

Levi: Fine...

Solomon holds down his laughter because he can clearly see these two are pinning. The way Beel clings to her and how Ichigo reacts to it, that's quite obvious to this sorcerer. Haruka also notices, which is why she justifies their action. They're in love; let them be!

Now back to the movie, they all watch it silently this time, but because of how late they're watching, Ichigo turns sleepy and accidentally sleeps on the couch. Everyone looks back and sees the pink-haired girl asleep with a blanket on top of her, hugging her water bottle. Levi and Beel both went soft on her, plus knowing how many tasks Lucifer has given her, yeah, no wonder she's tired.

Haruka: Beel, can you get her into our room?

Beel: Of course^^

Haruka: I feel bad that she's sleeping on the sofa like this...

Beel: Yeah...

With that, Beel carries Ichigo back to Haruka's and Ichigo's room. Once they're gone, Solomon, Levi, and Haruka sigh while Simeon is just there staring at them confusedly.

Solomon: Those two are clearly in love!

Haruka: I know, right?! I can see it!

Levi: Beel be acting as the male lead of some shoujo manga or something-

Simeon: He reminds me of a book character, such a sweetheart^^

Haruka: I agree entirely. Hope they'll get together soon. They're just adorable together~

Levi: This normie talk makes me wanna puke!

Solomon: There's a toilet. Use it. [deadpan]

Levi: Shut it!

Weeks later, the courting phase has died down, and Beel finally musters his courage to tell her his feelings. He looks for her everywhere and finally finds her in the kitchen making instant noodles in the middle of the afternoon since it's Sunday and there's no food around.

Ichigo: Oh! Hey, Beel!

Beel: Hi [awkwardly]

Ichigo: What's up? Hungry by chance?

The orange-haired man nod as he goes to the fridge to get some snacks. Perhaps an ice cream Mammon bought for him when he went grocery shopping. Once he gets his snack, Ichigo is also finished with her instant noodle. The two finally sit together in silence, yet it's sort of awkward because Beel keeps on fidgeting.

Ichigo: Beel, what's wrong?

Beel: I'm fine... the noodles smell good, by the way

Ichigo: I present to you, Indomie! It's a human-world instant noodle. Do you want some?

Beel: If you don't mind...

Ichigo: Of course not, let me get a plate for you- [goes to the pantry to get one]

Beel: Wait!

Ichigo: Hm?

Beel: I have to tell you something...

Ichigo: Oh? What is it [going back to her chair]

Beel: I like you.

Ichigo: I know, we're friends. We're literally close!

Beel: Friends don't kiss...don't they?

Ichigo: They can if you live in France...I don't know how devildom works, though...

Beel: Ichigo, I like you, as a lover-

Ichigo: A-A lover?!

Beel: Please tell me you reciprocate my feelings.... you do, right?

Ichigo: I do... but I'm not ready for a relationship... is it okay if we take this slow?

Beel: I'm totally okay with that. I just need to let it out since my courting phase has died down.

Ichigo: Well, that's true. That was a wild ride- [laughs slightly]

Beel: It is...

Ichigo: Have you apologized to them?

Beel: I do...Satan smacked me with his thick novel for it, though.

Ichigo: Really?! Where did he hit you?! Is it painful?!

Beel: Quite painful, but I'm fine now. He hit me around this area, I think... [points to that area]

Suddenly Beel feels Ichigo's fingers go through that area, rubbing it to soothe the pain.

Ichigo: I can still feel the bump in there. I think it's not fully healed.

Beel: Really?

Ichigo: Yeah... you poor thing :(

Beel: I'm okay, really

Ichigo: Still, I was the cause of all your conflicts with all your brothers-

Beel: Hey, hey, don't blame yourself for it! It's not your fault!

Ichigo still feels guilty, causing Beel to sigh and pulls her into his lap, earning him a surprised yelp from the pink-hair girl. Beel looks up to her as Ichigo instinctively wraps her arms around his neck to keep her position.

Beel: It's not your fault, okay. Every demon experiences this. It just differs between demons. We do get protective of the beings that we love. Some are overly protective like me...some do it more subtlety, but everyone is different.

Ichigo: So it's just your way of courting me?

Beel: It is. If anything, I'm sorry. You're probably overwhelmed by it...

Ichigo: It's okay, and I'm sorry for snapping at you that one time. Plus, if that didn't happen, we won't be here, don't we?

Beel: True, very true, and I'm totally okay with that. You have no idea what's going on.

Ichigo smiles sweetly at the man beneath her, and he returns it. Until they hear footsteps coming to the kitchen. The two of them stare at the intruder, and it turns out to be Satan, about to cook some lunch for everyone.

Satan: What the fck-

Ichigo: I can explain!

Satan: Please do! Because I'm sure such affections can be done in the bedroom!

Ichigo rolls her eyes and gets off Beel to finish her indomie while Beel just throws the ice cream package on the trash can. Well, that's an awkward ending, but that's pretty much how Beel courts Ichigo, and with her, they create a beautiful relationship together~

#obeymefanfic #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #roleplaybased #oc roleplay #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me luke

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dreamljve · 3 years

Text

A Family Visit (Neville Longbottom)

A/N: hey yall! ive never wrote fanfic before so please go easy on me. suggestions/criticisms are encouraged as i literally wrote this for a class & want a decent grade. no warnings, just a sad neville but its a nice ending. also, i should note that im reading the series for the first time rn and i just started book 5 and this was inspired by the scene where dumbledore tells harry about neville’s parents in gof. im like 99% sure that you cant get to the hospital via floo powder but it was just easier to write it that way and i was already way over page limit. so... yeah. floo powder. just accept it.

Summary: Neville visits his parents the day of the Yule Ball.

word count: 2745 :)

With the end of the term nearing and the snow covering the ground, Neville once again was met with the bittersweet feeling of Christmas break. In the back of his Potion’s class with Professor Snape, Neville was counting the minutes down. Snape’s lesson was boring as usual, he was saying something about a Pepperup Potion but Neville couldn’t care less. This was his last class of the term. He planned to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas break for the Yule Ball, albeit his date was a third year, Ginny Weasley. Almost as if he could read his mind, Snape interrupted his daydreaming.

“Mr. Longbottom, can you repeat what I just told the class?” Snape squinted at him.

“Er-” Neville pursed his lips together and scratched the back of his head.

“I figured,” Snape rolled his eyes and his lips curled into a smirk. “I said that 12 inches of parchment will be due when you return from break. But that’ll be 18 inches for you, Longbottom. And 10 points from Gryffindor.”

The Slytherins in the front of the class snickered. Neville merely nodded. There was no use in arguing Snape, it’ll only end in more homework.

“Don’t worry, you could use the extra practice.” Malfoy spit at him. Snape glanced at the blonde boy with a disapproving look but said nothing.

“Why don’t you bug off, Malfoy?” Harry shot at him, standing up.

“Are you going to stop me, Potter?” Crabbe and Goyle laughed with Draco. Harry felt his face heating up. He was sick of Snape playing favorites. He allows the Slytherins to do whatever they please since he’s head of the Slytherin house.

“Sit down, Mr. Potter. Unless you want extra work.”

As if on cue, the bell rang. Harry grabbed his bag and walked over to Neville.

“Hey, you alright? Don’t mind them. The lousy gits don’t have anything better to do.”

“Hey, yeah, I’m okay. At least we’re free for the next two weeks.” Neville says half-heartedly as he stands up and walks out of the classroom with Harry. The two boys walked through the corridor towards the Gryffindor common room.

“Hey, I’ve got to talk to Dumbledore quickly. I’ll see you later though, yeah?” Harry says with a small smile.

“Right then, see you later.” Neville replies.

Neville watched as Harry jogged away. He wondered what he was going to talk to Dumbledore about. Neville turned and was met with the fat lady painting.

“Password?” She asks with her arms crossed.

“Oh, er-” Neville always struggled with passwords.

“Fortuna Major.” Ron says from behind him.

Neville mutters a small “thanks” and steps in through the portrait. He had planned to hang out in the common room, but soon realizes that his roommates were all in there. Neville hasn’t had a moment to himself since Summer so he decided to go upstairs to his room. He says a quick hello to Seamus and Dean as he walks past them. He went up the stairs and found the door to his dormitory. He enters and shuts it quickly, breathing a sigh of relief. He walks over to his bed and falls backwards, staring up at the ceiling. He started thinking about the holidays and how much he hated Professor Snape and his greasy hair. What kind of teacher just bullies students? Frustrated, Neville turns to lay on his side. He started thinking about how he was meeting his Gran the next day to go visit his parents. Neville doesn’t think about his parents often. How could he? He doesn’t remember them, thinking about them wouldn’t help anything.

But he still allows himself to think about them, from time to time. Neville’s Gran is a stern lady. Growing up, she worried that Neville was a squib, as he didn’t show early signs of magic very often. She often berated him, telling him he didn’t live up to his father’s honor. Neville couldn’t help but believe her.

Neville was proud of his parents, though. They were Aurors, their job was to fight against the Dark Arts He smiled at the thought of them being praised for their noble work. They were well respected amongst their peers, Neville wondered what it felt like. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out his wand. It was his father’s. Neville runs his fingers along the wood and the not-so-intricate designs of it. Even though it doesn’t look like much, he knows it's powerful. Neville’s father had fought in the first Wizarding War and was an Auror with that very wand. He holds the wand a little tighter and brings it to his chest. Neville fought back the urge to cry. It was unfair. He never got to know his parents, they were good people who only wanted the best for everyone, wizards and muggles alike. Neville bit his lip to stop it from quivering and he sat up. He set his wand next to him on the quilt his grandmother gave him a few Christmases ago. He smooths the banket and stands up. It was getting late and none of his roommates were showing up, so Neville changed into his pajamas and turned on some music. He wanted to practice his dancing skills for the Yule Ball, so he started to pretend to hold a girl and danced to the music. He furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to get the footwork correct. After a few minutes, he heard a knock at the door. Startled, he quickly gathers himself and says “come in,” and Harry walks through the door.

Harry was quiet, he merely smiled and nodded at Nevile before grabbing his nightwear. His eyes had an apologetic look, as if he had just found out something sad about Neville. Harry is the only one who gets it, really. Both of their parents were taken down by the same cause, the only difference being that Harry’s are actually dead. Neville felt a shameful relief wash over him with that thought, he bowed his head and scratched his neck. He was getting tired, and decided to lie in bed. He turned off the lamp next to his bed and closed his eyes. He finally started drifting away as he heard Seamus and Dean enter their room.

The next morning, Neville is woken up by the sun and sound of birds outside their dorm. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, sat up, and stretched. Seamus, Ron, Dean, and Harry were all sleeping yet. Neville gets dressed and goes to the Great Hall, where he is met with Christmas and winter decorations. There are silver and blue streamers hanging about the Hall, as well as snowflakes covering the walls and hanging from the ceiling. The Christmas tree by the teacher’s table was decorated with white lights, fake snow, and a shiny snowflake on the top. There were presents under the tree wrapped in white and blue wrapping paper. “Bet they’re empty,” Neville thinks to himself, slightly chuckling. He finds his seat at the Gryffindor table and begins to eat his breakfast alone. There was a group of second years at the end of the table, laughing amongst themselves. Neville is already finished with his food when his roommates find their way to the Hall. It was 8:00 and he had to meet his grandmother in an hour. He was meeting his Gran in Hogsmeade to go to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries in London. Neville and his grandmother had to have a special meeting with Dumbledore his first year about his parents. Of course, Dumbledore knew his parents and their tragic fate. He made a special exception for him this year, allowing him to leave to visit his parents for the day and come back for the Yule Ball this evening.

Neville ventured back to his dorm, muttering a quick “Fortuna Major” to the portrait of the fat lady guarding the Gryffindor common room. He stepped through and was met with Fred and George Weasley in the common room, sitting by the fireplace talking about something secretly. As soon as he enters his room, he grabs a coat and wand and lays them on his bed. Every time Neville visits his parents, he secretly hopes they’ll remember him, even though it isn’t possible. Neville felt his hand involuntarily tighten into a fist, his nails digging into his palm. He patiently sat for what felt like hours but was realistically 20 minutes or so when he finally decided to head down to meet Dumbledore. He grabs his things and puts his wand in his pocket with his right fist still clenched. He felt his nails break the skin of palm as he got more anxious with every step. When he finally meets Dumbledore at the stairs by the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Neville wondered why he was standing so close to the one-eyed witch statue.

“Good morning, Neville.” Dumbledore greets him with a soft smile.

“Good morning, Professor.” He returns the smile, but quickly lets it fade.

“I hope you keep this between you and me,” Dumbledore says cooly, “Dissendium.” Dumbledore says seemingly at the witch as he taps the hump of the statue with his wand. The hump opens just wide enough for a small person to get through.

“This will take you to the cellar of Honeydukes. Be back by 6:30 so you have enough time to get ready for the Ball. Have a good time, Neville.” Dumbledore smiles at him. Neville thanks him and wonders how many other people knew about this secret. He quickly snaps out of it and enters the passage, giving a final smile and nod towards his headmaster. The passage was cold and rather gross, so he just walked forward until he got to the entrance of the cellar. He opens the latch and enters Honeydukes, trying to be quiet as he enters the door of the store. He quickly exits Honeydukes. He walks to meet his grandmother at The Leaky Cauldron. He gives his father’s mother a faint smile and a quick hello.

“Glad to see you made it here safely, Neville,” she brushes off some dirt on his shoulder, “Are you ready to go?” His grandmother asks him.

Neville merely nods, he was never ready to go. He wonders how she is ready. Neville never knew his parents, so there weren’t many memories to miss, but his grandmother raised his father. Every year she takes Neville to visit but never says anything about how she is feeling about it. Neville furrows his eyebrows and looks at his only parental figure. For a second, he feels remorse for her. Losing your parents is difficult, but losing your child has to be the worst. Neville says a silent prayer to Merlin that he’ll never have to go through that pain himself.

Neville’s grandmother finds a floo system and pulls out floo powder. She hands him a handful of it.

“Do you want to go first?” She asks him.

“No, that’s alright. Have at it.” He just wanted a second without her to compose himself.

She nods and says “St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries”, throwing the powder down at her feet and vanishing.

Neville takes a deep breath and repeats her actions. He feels his stomach twist and turn as he travels. He tries to not focus on it by remembering it’ll end within seconds. And with that, Neville feels his feet fall flat on the floor and he opens his eyes. Letting his eyes adjust to the lighting, Neville subtle forwards a bit.

“Can you manage to stay on your feet, please?” His grandmother remarks.

“Er- yeah. Sorry.” He says lightly.

His grandmother shakes her head as they find the reception desk.

“Who are you here to see?” The receptionist asks. She had long blonde hair and enticing eyes. Neville stares at her for a second and thinks about how she reminds him of Fleur Delacour, the champion from Beauxbatons.

“Frank and Alice Longbottom.” Neville’s grandmother says with a slight smile.

“Right, just down that hall to the left.” His grandmother’s smile is returned as she points to a corridor to the right of the desk.

Neville thanks the woman and thinks about how she probably has her parents. She properly grew up with parents who knew who she was, with a grandmother who doesn't resent her. Brushing that thought aside, Neville and his Gran walk down the hallway that seems to be getting longer with every step. Eventually they find the door labeled “Visitation Room”. Neville exchanges looks with his grandmother as she reluctantly grabs the door knob, turning it. She pushes the door open and gestures for Neville to enter first, closing the door behind them. Neville felt his heart beat faster as his eyes found his parents. They’re sitting at a round table whispering to one another. Neville and his grandmother find their seats, sitting across from them. The boy’s parents stare at them with empty eyes.

“Hi Frank,” His grandmother smiles lightly, “Hi Alice.”

“Hi mom and dad.” Neville looks at them with gentle eyes with a small smile.

“Hello.” Frank replies with wide eyes.

“Hello.” Alice says, turning her attention to Frank.

“How are you guys?” Neville’s grandmother asks.

“We’re good. Although it is cold in here.” Alice says, hugging herself.

Neville’s parents usually complained about the cold when he visited during Christmas. The hospital does get significantly colder as the weather starts to turn. Do they think crazy people don’t need heat?

“Do you want to wear my jacket?” Neville starts to take his arms out of his sleeves, maintaining eyes on his mother.

She nods and smiles at him, and Neville returns the smile. He stands up and walks to his mom, wrapping his jacket around her and kissing the top of her head. She looks up at him and smiles wider, and intertwines her fingers together. Neville’s dad thanks him and places an arm around her. Neville finds his seat again, earning a pat on the back from his Gran. Moments like this are few and far in between, making it all the more special. Neville doesn’t have many happy memories with his family, so making both of his parents and Gran happy was an accomplishment in his eyes.

After almost two hours of mindless small talk, Neville looks at his Gran and realizes it’s time to go. His parents can only handle so much per visit, so when they start getting antsy and irritable they know it’s time to leave them be. Neville stands up and brushes himself off, holding an arm out to help his Gran stand up. Frank and Alice stand up as well, mirroring his moves. Neville smiles as he makes his way over to his mother, removing the coat from her back and embracing her. She reluctantly hugged him back. He didn’t blame her, he was a stranger hugging her. Neville squeezed her a little tighter, resting his head on top of hers. When he finally pulled away, his eyes were full of tears. He looks over at his dad releasing his hug from his own mother, who is also teary-eyed. Neville switches places with his Gran, looking at his dad for a second before he hugs him. Frank lightly wraps his arms around his son giving him a friendly pat on the back. Neville holds onto him until his Gran interrupts,

“It’s time to leave, Nev.” He is taken aback for a moment at the nickname, but then smiles. He releases his father and looks up at him again.

“I love you, dad,” Neville turns to his mother, “and I love you, mom.” He gently grabs their hands for a second before letting go. His Gran puts a hand on his back, rubbing it slightly. Neville feels his lower lip quiver as they walk to exit the door. His Gran opens it and gestures for him to leave first. He turns around to look at his parents, they look at each other and then at Neville, smiling and waving at him. Neville leaves the room and is greeted with the hallway of the hospital. He looks at his Gran as she closes the door with a final click. Her hand lingers on the doorknob for a second before turning to Neville with a tear spilling on her cheek and the slightest smile,

“How about we stop at Honeydukes for some candy?”

#harry potter #neville longbottom #neville longbottom fic #harry potter fic #fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #neville longbottom fanfiction #longbottom family #fluff #hp fluff #frank longbottom #alice longbottom #draco malfoy #hp fic #neville longbottom imagine #harry potter imagine

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firelxdykatara · 4 years

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lmao just because you’re brown doesn’t mean you can speak on indigenous issues why would katara want to rule the nation that colonized her and her people

the ambassador katara hc is right there and doesn’t perpetuate harmful tropes

good grief

to start off: while i’m white, and have never pretended to be anything else, this isn’t me speaking on ‘indigenous issues’. these are discussions about shipping. while it’s absolutely possible for indigenous issues to be discussed (for example, the discussions that went on over non-inuit artists drawing traditional tattoos on katara/sokka/other water tribe characters) as it relates to the water tribes, as far as shipping the characters go, there is no meaningful connection between east asia, specifically japan (which is primarily where the fire nation draws its inspiration) and indigenous populations of north america. this isn’t a pocahontas/john smith situation, and it’d be great if yall would stop pretending like it is. (nevermind the fact that pocahontas was a real person whose story was twisted against her will and propagated after her death, while katara is entirely a fictional character.)

onto the rest of your ask...

first of all, you can’t ‘colonize’ a single person. that’s not how it works or what the word means. secondly, katara’s people were never colonized. the earth kingdom was, although that doesn’t seem to stop people from shipping jetko (which should be the superior m/m ship in this fandom, but i digress), jinko, or toko (though the latter two are much more rare). what the fire nation did to the southern water tribe (specifically the SWT, because the north withdrew behind its own walls and was able to protect itself until the invasion at the end of book 1) was a slow cultural genocide, and that’s absolutely a horrific crime! however, the existence of this genocide hasn’t stopped anyone from shipping zukka--nor has the complete genocide of the air nomads (which actually can be likened to a real world historical event, considering that the AN are based on tibetan monks and there’s a history of genocide and oppression there, specifically by the chinese, from which the FN also drew elements) kept zukaang from gaining popularity.

which makes it start to sound like the real issue y’all have is katara, and, hmm, that’s really not a great look.

as to the ‘why’, gee, i don’t know? why would katara want to help a village full of fire nation citizens who’d done nothing for her and would probably have turned her and her friends over to the fn soldiers without a second thought, considering the way they turned on her towards the end of the episode? why would katara care what happens to the seat of power in the nation that had maintained war against the rest of the world for a century?

yes, ambassador katara is right there (regardless of how often zukka shippers would like to give that role to sokka instead, even though he’s the one who would choose pragmatism over compassion every single time, and was not one to exert himself to help others who weren’t in his immediate circle), and what do you know? most of us headcanon katara as being the SWT ambassador to the fire nation for years following the war! but we also headcanon that she and zuko fall in love, and something that people often do when they fall in love is get married.

if you think that public opinion (which, i’d argue, katara would change with sheer strength of will and righteous fury as she defends the common fn citizens from the nobles and ex-generals who would be reluctant to give up their wartime power) or potential political snaggles would be enough to keep katara from marrying the man she loves, i really don’t think you know katara very well.

#atla #zutara #katara #zuko #anyway like i've had this url for two years and it's not changing sorry #asked #Anonymous #atla fandom salt #salt for ts

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gazeboarcade · 3 years

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Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

Name and link some of your favorite works, please!

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

GOSH this is a lot of questions, lemme give it my best shot.

1.) I sometimes still post art on my art instagram, but I prefer not to cross the beams of that and my tumblr so much. If someone rlly wants the handle tho, feel free to ask.

2.) If this means like...nicknames, too many to count. One of my first URLs was something like “pensword,” which was a reference to Percy Jackson!

3.) I was KINDA in it in 2017 when the first movie came out, but it didn’t hold my attention too much. In September 2020, I really got into IT, tho! I got into it because I realized it was coming up on a year since I saw the second one in theaters (during a wind advisory night in the city I go to college, on Halloween). For a couple of silly reasons (my ex belittling IT a little and me being weirdly internalized homophobic abt it) I was scared to enjoy it publicly haha

4.) My favorite ship in the fandom, ofc, is Reddie! I am kinda basic so I also really think Ben and Bev are sweet. I also really liked Patty and Stan together in the book... they were so achingly sweet together that the bath chapter made me cry for a HOT MINUTE.

Richie is my all time favorite character for reasons I could probably write like 50 pages on! Some of those reasons are like super-duper personal lol so I pull punches on just dumping them on my blog haha! I just really really related to him for a lot of reasons (the humor coping mechanism and the werewolf thingy, to name a couple) so it was only natural I latched onto that boy and went full send kinnie moment!

Eddie is my second favorite bc I love him and wanted the best for him (I don’t want to start disc horse on tumblr, but my gf and I have schemed abt who should have kicked it at the end and it ain’t him). I also have a soft spot for kid Ben in the book, bc I really thought he was a sweetheart (I mean, cmon, walking around whispering Bev’s name? Adorable! Hiding away in libraries? Relatable!)

5.) I’ve done a bunch of stuff! This blog has a ton of IT content. I have made a bunch of fan art (most of which hasn’t been posted sdjbvkdsjbvk). I have written a couple fanfics (a finished oneshot and one unfinished longer one that will...probably stay that way). I have a reddie playlist on spotify, too.

6.) There’s been a few people who’ve done some IT stuff I’ve really liked! Uhh @stitchyarts wrote some fics and has done some beautiful art to go with it that I really liked!! @skelesocks did some HELLA charming art, tho is now mostly Queen blog. No shade there, I have a Queen blog, too, lol. Ask for the URL if you want it. Both of them focused on the miniseries tho.

There’s a couple artists who have done Reddie stuff I have really liked, too, which is super inspiring. here’s a few of those: @trashcanprince @mxgicdave @meowsteryyy ..... tbh fave IT blog of all time tho has to be my gf, em, @dr-kaspbrakmd , bc she got me full swing obsessing and also it was a big bonding thing for us early into the relationship *pauses for crowd to say AWWWWW*

7.) Assuming this means fanfics, like I said, a lot of Stitchy’s works, especially Tinted Windows and TV Guides (which now i rlly want to re-read lol). I kinda have a hard time with fanfic reading bc im picky and sometimes it’s better to daydream my own stories. The other Reddie fics I’ve liked will make yall get the shepherd’s hook and yoink me off stage for public indecency for sure so I’m gonna leave that to ur imagination <3

8.) I feel positively heinous and pick-me trying to get ppl to read my old reddie fics that I wrote during the crushing weight of crippling lonliness so no. they r also not rlly that good so you’re welcome <3

9.) No actually! I have thought about it. I have also schemed the idea of starting my own reddie zine and being super choosey about who gets in but that’s just me wanting to curate content I like lollll.

10.) uhhh decorum, understanding of complex relationships/emotional situations, and the common sense not to fetishize gay men <3 that sounds rlly snotty but there’s some activity tm in this fandom that yucks me out big time. Also, I wish more ppl would have seen the miniseries/read the book but that’s just me being choosy.

Anyways, I’ve been running my mouth for WAY too long but I hope this answers the questions you had good enough!! Thanks for asking!!

#I am genuinely ill while writing this so it took me SO long lmaooo But all around this was rlly fun to look back on my history in the fandom #My interests have shifted a little into some other interests #But IT holds a special place in my heart and reminds me of meeting my gf #So like obviously the simp factor is off the charts now thank u for that #Good times tho gosh I feel like I just did a real survey lol #long post

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epic-sorcerer · 3 years

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Fuck

(Tw antiblackness)

Okay so when I was 11 my mom read this book to me about the 5 Chinese personality elements. Ever sense then I was fascinated by it and wanted to create OCs of my own to respresent them.

Bc my adhd can cause weird motivation and memory, I cared only with developing characters and story lines and slowly forgot the actual sorce material.

When I first started, I decided to focus more on story and not on character disign. Because mostly I took inspiration from vocaloid songs(you can tell this was a while ago) I decided to make them all Japanese so I could narrow their look way down compared to shapeless blobs in my mind.

Years past and I decided I didn’t like this anymore. I was ready to do the complete opposite and have a very diverse cast of characters. My strategy was to chose a culture in any where in the world, at any time, that most prioritized and valued what each element had to give and generally imbodied. Especially bc I wanted each character to be the most extreme form of their elements and often invisioned each character to be a political representative for each colony of element.

I good way to put this in perspective is to imagine I was making a communism OC so I made them Chinese or USA American. Basically that would chosenthose cultures bc it is something it generally is really extreme about and is known for.

My first real character disign was fire. I made her a Scottish pict, as I could give her red hair and have her be her full passionate and chaotic self.

All the other ones are up in the air. But I realized that it would be really cool to make tree be an African person with a 4c type Afro and a long and skinny body type. That’s the most tree like I could have made someone! I was so happy and got really attached to my black tree character. I new that Africa was huge and old, and that’s not even counting the West Indies. Of course I could find a culture that was tree-like. All I needed to do was look.

All of this screeched to a hault today. I decided to look up the tree personality after years and years and was met with something heart breaking.

Aggressive, angry, reckless, arrogant, etc. this reminds me of the angry black stariotype mixed with the newer unreasonable blm protester one.

I’m unsure if I’m being too paranoid or if I’m being reasonable when I say that I’m not sure if I can make tree black. Even though the negitive descriptions are for when tree is unbalanced, it still doesn’t make it okay imo.

From a writers perspective, it makes snese to start characters at when they are unbalanced, because then it’s an easy wrote to character development. Even if I don’t do this, I have no choise but to make this character aggressive sometimes if I truly want to stay true to Tree.

For perpective here’s the other elements’ triats from Wikipedia

Fire also is aggressive. And also waters positive and negative traits are opposites. Earth is a mix of all elements so im imagining earth may also be aggressive when unbalanced. Do you think I can make this work or should I change tree’s race?

Fire is a white Celtic. And I’m unsure what culture I want earth to belong to. I’m thinking of making water be a Samoan(not sure what time period), metal is still Japanese for now but I am unsure if that still fits my change in casting intentions so that’s probably going to change. Basically what I’m saying is that I’m only really going to have one white character, bc I want the cultures to be spread out throughout the map.

I know black people are often forced to constantly be on their toes in turns of wether or not something is anti black and if they are unsafe in that environment. I’m not black, but I belong to multiple minority groups and I understand that feeling to a terrifying degree. The last thing I would want is to make a choise that resembles anti black caricatures and put black poeple in the position of wondering if I dislike them or if they are unsafe around me.

I understand that feeling, and I don’t want to put poeple throguh taht. I still want to have a super inclusive cast, but I’m also aware that I have to be very careful as a white writer. Even though my intentions were good, I accidentally associated a black character with aggressiveness and that’s extremely hurtful. I’m also aware that if I represent a black character well, it can be uplifting to a black audience that I took so much care to learn about an African culture and put it in a positive light.

I remember when I was a baby gay and I came across this channel run by a cishet who dedicated a large protion of his videos to calling out lgbt phobia and premoting the idea that we deserve to have rights and to feel safe and happy as who we are. I was in awe a cishet would do taht for us and felt personally touched. I want to be able to do something that other people feel that same way about, because it’s truly a beutiful thing.

So...where do I go from here? Do I change trees race to a different one? Please be honest. I know I say I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria, but that dosnt mean you can’t criticize me. It only means taht you have to be careful and not angry. I truly want to make this story the best it can be, and I want to know if I’m doing the right thing if I change tree’s race to something else.

I want all people to feel safe while experiencing my work(idk if it will be a book or what, it’s very early in development).

I have no intention on making tree a villain, instead a good character who is the sweetest person you can meet. I feel like I would make fire much more angry and aggressive bc of the Scottish pict emphasis on war and and never backing down, to make my intentions clear.

But even then, that doesn’t change that tree is so connected to anger. And I’m not sure how I can work with that so if doesn’t seam like an anti black stariotype

Anger, anger, anger. I don’t knwo what to do. Please help, preferably black users because yall definitely know heaps more about this than me as a white person.

Please knwo that I mean well, and I’m never intended to make my tree character black if I remembered how heavily it’s associated with anger. All I remembered was the optimism and happiness, as I am sensitive to negativity and my brain probably forgot about the dark side of tree on purpose when I was 11 and didn’t even think of making tree black. I’m so disappointed in myself and I promise you I can do better. I just need some guidance. I’m sorry to anyone I may have let down. I hope I can grow form this and make this story the best it can be.

Edit: I think it’s also nessissary to note that the positive triats are for when the person is in balance or in a good head space, the negative ones for the opposite. That’s why the negative and positive triats seam like opposites, bc that’s what they are. Idk if I made that clear so I’m adding it now!

#tw anti blackness #long post #Tw racism #I’m so disappointed in myself #I’m not sure where to go from here #sensitivity reader #Chinese personality types #Chinese elements #idk how to tags this #writing advice #writeblr

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greatfay · 3 years

Note

controversial opinions?

Cold pizza actually not good. Tastes like angry bacteria.

There’s a completely separate class of gay men who are in a different, rainbow-tinted plane of reality from the rest of us and I don’t like them. They push for “acceptance” via commercialization of the Pride movement, assimilation through over-exposure, and focus on sexualizing the movement to be “provocative” and writing annoying articles that reek of class privilege instead of something actually important like lgbtqa youth homelessness, job discrimination, and mental health awareness.

Coleslaw is good. You guys just suck in the kitchen.

Generational divides ARE real: a 16-year-old and a 60-year-old right now in 2021 could agree on every hot button sociopolitical topic and yet not even realize it because they communicate in entirely different ways.

Sam Wilson is a power bottom. No I will not elaborate.

Allison’s makeover in The Breakfast Club good, not bad. She kept literally and metaphorically dumping her trash out onto the table and it’s clearly a cry for help. Having the attention and affection of a smart, pretty girl doing her makeup for her was sweet and helped her open up to new experiences. Not every loner wants to BE a loner (see: Bender, who is fine being a lone wolf).

Movie/show recommendations that start with a detailed “representation” list read like status-effecting gear in an RPG and it’s actually a turn-off for me. I have to force myself to give something a try in spite of it.

Yelling at people to just “learn a new language” because clearly everyone who isn’t you and your immediate vicinity of friends must be a lazy ignorant white American is so fucking stupid, like I get it, you’re mad someone doesn’t immediately know how to pronounce your name or what something means. But I know 2 languages and am struggling with a 3rd when I can between 2 jobs and quite frankly, I don’t have the time to just absorb the entire kanji system into my brain to learn Japanese by tomorrow night, or suddenly learn Arabic or Welsh. There are 6500 recorded languages in the world, what’s the chance that one of 3 I’ve learn(ed?) is the one you’re yelling at me about. Yes this is referring to that post yelling at people for not knowing how to pronounce obscure Irish names and words. Sometimes just explaining something instead of admonishing people for not knowing something inherently in the belief that everyone must be lazy entitled privileged people is uh... better?

Stop fucking yelling at people. I despise feeling like someone is yelling at me or scolding me, it triggers my Violence Mode, you don’t run me, you are not God, fuck off. Worst fucking way to "educate” people, it just feels good in the moment to say or write and doesn’t help. Yes I’ve done it before.

Violence is good actually.

Characters doing bad things ≠ an endorsement of bad things. Characters doing bad things that are unquestioned by the entire rest of the cast = endorsement of bad things, or at the least, a power fantasy by the creator. See: Glee, in which Sue’s awfulness is constantly called out, while Mr. Shue’s awfulness rarely is because he’s “the hero.” See also: the Lightbringer series, in which the protagonist is a violent manipulator who is praised as clever, charming, diplomatic, and genius by every supporting character (enemies included), despite the text never demonstrating such.

Euphoria is good, actually. It falls into this niche of the past decade of “dark gritty teen shows” but actually has substance behind it, but the general vibe I get from passive-aggressive tumblr posts from casual viewers is that this show is The Devil, and the criticism of its racier content screams pearl-clutching “what about the children??” to me.

Describing all diagnosed psychopaths as violent criminals is a damaging slippery slope, sure. But I won’t be mad at anyone for inherently distrusting another human who does not have the ability to feel guilt and remorse, empathy, is a pathological liar, or proves to be cunning and manipulative.

It’s actually not easy to unconditionally support and love everyone everywhere when you’ve actually experienced the World. Your perspective and values will be challenged as you encounter difficult people, experience hardship, are torn between conflicting ideas and commitments, and fail. My vow to never ever call the cops on another black person was challenged when an employee’s boyfriend marched into the kitchen OF AN ESTABLISHMENT to scream at her, in a BUSINESS I MANAGED, and threaten to BEAT the SHIT out of her. Turns out I can hate cops and hate that motherfucker equally, I am more than capable of both.

Defending makeup culture bad, actually. Enjoy it, experiment, master it, but don’t paint it as something other than upholding exactly what they want from you. Even using makeup to “defy the heteropatriarchal oppressors!” is still putting cash in their pockets, no matter how camp...

Not every villain needs to be redeemed, some of you just never outgrew projecting yourself onto monsters and killers.

Writing teams and networks queerbaiting is not the same as individuals queerbaiting. Nick Jonas performing exclusively at gay clubs to generate an audience really isn’t criminal; if they paid to go see him, that’s on them, he didn’t promise anyone anything other than music and a show. Do not paint this as similar to wealthy, bigoted executives and writing teams trying to snatch up the LGBTQA demographic with vague ass marketing and manipulative screenplays, only to cop out so as not to alienate their conservative audiences. And ESPECIALLY when the artists/actors/creators accused of queerbaiting or lezploitation then come out as queer in some form later on.

Queer is not a bad word, and I’ve no clue how that remains one of few words hurled at LGBTQA people that can’t be reclaimed. It’s so archaic and underused at this point that I don’t get the reaction to it compared to others.

People who defend grown-woman Lorelai Gilmore’s childish actions and in the same breath heavily criticize teenage religious abuse victim Lane Kim’s actions are not to be trusted. Also Lane deserved better.

Keep your realism out of my media, or at least make it tonally consistent. Tired of shows and movies and books where some gritty, dark shit comes out of nowhere when the narrative was relatively Romantic beforehand.

Actually people should be writing characters different from themselves, this new wave in the past year of “If you aren’t [X] you shouldn’t be writing [X]” is a complete leap backward from the 2010s media diversity movement. And if [X] has to do with an invisible minority status (not immediately visible disabilities, or diverse sexual orientations and gender identities, persecuted religious affiliations, mental illness) it’s actually quite fucked up to assume the creator can’t be whatever [X] is or to demand receipts or details of someone’s personal life to then grant them “permission” to create something. I know, we’re upset an actual gay actor wasn’t casted to play this gay character, so let’s give them shit about it: and not lose a wink of sleep when 2 years later, this very actor comes out and gives a detailed account of the pressure to stay closeted if they wanted success in Hollywood.

Projecting an actor’s personal romantic life and gender identity onto the characters they play is actually many levels of fucked up, and not cute or funny. See: reinterpreting every character Elliot Page has played through a sapphic lens, and insulting his ability to play straight characters while straight actors play actual caricatures of us (See also: Jared Leto. Fuck him).

I’m fucking sick of DaBaby, he sucks. “I shot somebody, she suck my peepee” that’s 90% of whatever he raps about.

“Political Correctness” is not new. It was, at one point, unacceptable to walk into a fine establishment and inform the proprietor that you love a nice firm pair of tits in your face. 60 years ago, such a statement would get you throw out and possibly arrested under suspicion of public intoxication. But then something happened and I blame Woodstock and Nixon. And now I have to explain to a man 40 years my senior that no, you can’t casually mention to the staff here, many of whom are children, how you haven’t had a good fuck in a while. And then rant about the “Chinese who gave us the virus.” Can’t be that upset with them if you then refused to wear your mask for 20 minutes.

Triggering content should not have a blanket ban; trigger warnings are enough, and those who campaign otherwise need to understand the difference between helping people and taking away their agency. 13 Reasons Why inspired this one. Absolutely shitty show, sure, but it’s a choice to watch it knowing exactly what it contains.

Sasuke’s not a fucking INTJ, he’s an ISFP whose every decision is based off in-the-moment feelings and proves incapable of detailed and logical planning to accomplish his larger goals.

MCU critique manages to be both spot-on and pointless. Amazing stories have been told with these characters over the course of decades; but most of it is toilet paper. Expecting a Marvel movie to be a deeply detailed examination of American nationalism and imperialism painted with a colorful gauze of avant-garde film technique is like expecting filet mignon from McDonalds. Scarf down your quarter pounder or gtfo.

Disparagingly comparing the popularity and (marginal) success of BLM to another movement is anti-black. It is not only possible but also easy to ask for people’s support without throwing in “you all supported BLM for black people but won’t show support for [insert group]” how about you keep our name out your mouth? Black people owe the rest of the world nothing tbh until yall root out the anti-blackness in your own communities.

It is the personal demon/tragic flaw of every cis gay/bi/pan man to externalize and exorcize Shame: I’m talking about the innate compulsion to Shame, especially in the name of Pride and Progress. Shame for socioeconomic “success,” shame for status of outness, shame for fitness and health, shame for looks, shame for style and dress, shame for how one fits into the gender binary, shame for sexual positions and intimacy preferences, shame for fucking music tastes. Put down the weapon that They used to beat you. Becoming the Beater is not growth, it’s the worst-case scenario.

Works by minorities do not have to be focused on their marginalized identities. Some ladies want to ride dragons AND other ladies. The pressure on minorities to create the Next Great Minority Character Study that will inevitably get snuffed at the Oscars/Peabody Awards is some bullshit when straight white dudes walk around shitting out mediocre screenplays and books.

Canadians can stfu about how the US is handling COVID-19 actually. Love most of yall, but the number of Canadian snowbirds on vacation (VACATION??? VA.CAT.ION.) in the supposed “hotbed” of my region that I’ve had to inform our mask policies and social distancing to is ASTOUNDING. Incroyable! I guess your country has a sizable population of entitled, privileged, inconsiderate, wealthy, and ignorant people making things difficult for everyone, just like mine :)

No trick to eliminate glasses fog while wearing my mask has worked, not a single one, it actually has affected my job and work speed and is incredibly frustrating, and I have to deal with it and pretend it’s not a problem while still encouraging others to follow the rules for everyone’s safety and the cognitive dissonance is driving me insane.

It’s really really really not anti-Japanese... to be uncomfortable with the rampant pedophilia in manga and anime, and voice this. I really can’t compare western animation’s sneakier bullshit with pantyshots of a 12-year-old girl.

Most of the people in the cottagecore aesthetic/tag have zero interest in all the hard work that comes with maintaining an isolated property in the countryside, milking cows and tending crops before sunrise, etc. And that’s okay? They just like flowers and pretty pottery and homemade pastries. Idk where discourse about this came from.

You think mint chip ice-cream tastes like toothpaste because you’re missing a receptor that can distinguish the flavors, and that sucks for you. It’s a sort of “taste-blindness” that can make gum spicy to some while others can eat a ghost pepper without crying.

Being a spectacle for the oppressive class doesn’t make them respect us, it makes them unafraid of us. This means they continue to devour us, but without fear of our retaliation.

Only like 4 people on tumblr dot com are actually prepared for the full ramifications of an actual revolution. The rest of you just really imprinted onto Katniss, or grew up in the suburbs.

Straight crushes are normal. They’re people first, sexual orientation second. Can’t always know.

The road to body positivity is not easy, especially if what you desire is what you aren’t.

You’re actually personally responsible for not voluntarily bringing yourself into an environment that you know is not fit for you unless you have the resolve to manage it. Can’t break a glass ceiling without getting a few cuts. This one’s a shoutout to my homophobic temp coworkers who decided working a venue with a drag show would be a good idea. This is also is a shoutout to people who want to make waves but are surprised when the boat tips. And also a shoutout to people who—wait that’s it’s own controversial opinion hold up.

Straight people can and should stay the fuck out of gay bars and queer spaces. “yoUrE bEInG diVisiVe” go fuck yourself.

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btxtreads · 4 years

Text

ANOTHER TAG ASHJHJASD

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @txthearteu

tagging @markhyucknorenminchenji @qtsoobin @beomberry @txtdiaries and other people who wanna do it idk

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course, none other than king943 hSJADJSAJHAS. He’s a little secret I’ll let you all in on: the first person I actually noticed in TXT was,,,,,,, Kang Taehyun hSDHJAHJSDAHSA but he wasn’t my bias. I just thought he was cute (also amused me bc my BTS bias was Taehyung and I found a guy named Taehyun cute), but I didn’t stan them then. I started stanning when I saw ONE DREAM.TXT where they talked to BTS and found them really cute and endearing. Looking into them, they were wild, and chaotic and so fun and also i got rEAAAALLY attached to Soobin. So here I am. There u go, my stanning story.

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a famous actress or singer hJSHADJSA

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Went to a theme park. I miss going to theme parks 🥺

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

hmmm most of the time i just go out with just my phone and money unless I need to bring a bag due to safety concerns/more items needed. So I’d say nothing unconventional.

favourite type of plushies and why?

God do I seem boring hsahsajjsa but i wasn’t too big on plushies. I had a gigantic teddy bear named Justin when I was a kid (it’s a bear with shades that my brother gave me) and I used to buy plushies whenever I’m in disneyland, it’s all in my sister’s reading lounge. The only plushie in my room now is a Mollang doll wearing like a blue shirt/dress, it’s my favorite rn It’s squishyyyy

favourite song right now?

right now, it’s Work It by Sabrina Carpenter.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

Dancing (i literally suck. i have no idea how. no joke), Vocal Lessons (had some lessons briefly for like a year but i stopped and want to take some again), music production, acting, hosting

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

ok okok so one time in our class groupchat we were talking about class elections for officers. There were muse votes and some people were saying they want me to be the muse but i didnt want to bc i was busy with work. Then they started saying that they want me to be the muse and this guy that i rejected be the escort. while this is happening, i was simping hard for soobin in another chat. anyways, i got everything mixed up and accidentally sent the soobin simp stuff to the class chat and everyone thought i was simping for the classmate i rejected i was so asHAMED.

headphones or speakers? why?

speakers! idk i just like blastic the music loud.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

anything with cheese

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since its free for me askjjksad someone pays for my subscription lmaooo

😌✌️

questions from cj to me:

android or apple? why?

APPLE because im loyal 😌 and i guess im just used to it so its easier to use for me + all my gadgets at home are mac

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

I think there should be a good balance of both. The words will have the ability to give you this sense of comfort and satisfaction and you know just overall a peace of mind when you hear the right words??? and physical affection bc sometimes it’s just better to get a hug or a kiss isntead of talking yk? actions speak louder than words sometimes

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

Honestly, this would depend. If I’m reading a book and feeling very vintage with a hot cup of coffee, definitely a rocking chair. If I’m watching TV and basically just chilling I’d go for Bean Bag. I like maintaining the atmosphere.

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

I view it as in-between, because there’s always room for improvement. There’s always things to change, and consider, and make better. There’s no such thing as perfect.

If someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

Please stop corona right now and let everyone go back to their daily lives and please let me attend a TXT concert bls im begging on my kNEES

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

Give me Soobin I just want to give him a hug. this is valid i can hold him

favorite season and why

Winter! Even if I’ve never experienced snow or winter before, the whole idea of snow is just really fun and endearing to me. One of my bucketlists is to see snow in real life. I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always been this person to prefer the cold over heat.

what made you enter tumblr?

I’ve always been here! Just not in kpop tumblr. I’ve since deleted my old accounts and shame but i came back to write. It’s always been so stress-relieving to me, to write without any expectations on my back because I’m thinking about grades or a competition. Also Soobin simping is a daily thing and I gotta release it somewhere man

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

Yes. I may not be the richest or the prettiest, or smartest or whatever, but I have a good family that loves me. I have good friends that support me and I have TXT and BTS to help me cope when things get overwhelming. I have a job that gives me a little bit of income (it’s not too common for college students here to get jobs like in the US, most of them just focus on acads) and all the means to continue my education amidst the pandemic. So really, I’m grateful for where I am now.

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

Why do you have to do me dirty cj,,,,, prolly online. I may not get to hug them or anything but I get to talk to them still. As may times as I want to. And as a girl whose sanity literally just depends on Soobin giggles rn it’ll be very therapeutic to me to see them and talk to them as much as I could, even just through a screen.

QUESTIONS FROM ME TO YOU:

Cinema or Netflix? Why?

Fire or Rain? Why?

What’s the worst experience you’ve had as a KPOP stan?

How do you handle stress?

Favorite Disney Princess and why?

Which fictional character do you say you relate the most to?

How did you get into KPOP?

What kind of merch you got 👀

Would you date a KPOP idol? What would you do if you do date one? (doesnt have to be your bias, just wanna see what y’all would do)

Would you rather be with someone you love but doesn’t love you back or be with someone that loves yu but you don’t love them back? (Or, as the Filipinos would say, Mahal ko o Mahal Ako)

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: rina

birthday: -

zodiac: gemini

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5′2 like 2 years ago, i probably grew like an inch or two

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: bts and txt fanfics to read hasjhsahj

blog established: ,,,,, i cant remember askjjksdjkdsa but the blog is only a few months old!

followers: 384!!! love yall

FAVORITES

favourite animals: b u n n y y y y y

favourite books: CAMP HALF BLOOD SERIES BY RICK RIORDAN IM ZEUS’ DAUGHTER YALL

favourite colour: black, blue, purple

favourite fictional characters: Percy Jackson, Jaron from Ascendance Trilogy, Chimmy!!! hihi

favourite flower: white roses

favourite scent: coffee

favourite season: winter

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 3-5 or 8-10.

cats or dogs: dogs because cats scare me

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee!!! especially if it’s iced and sweet

current time: 12:21 AM

dream trip: California. Look I have the visa, pls miss rona. just leave so cali can just let me IN

dream job: actress or singer

hobbies: writing, reading, watching crackvids

hogwarts house: gryffindor

last movie watched: Work It (bc it has sabrina carpenter ahshsahsa i have low standards when we talk about Sabrina)

last song listened to: Helpless - Hamilton OBC

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, I would go on a date in high school. Also try to exert more effort in my appearance back then i looked like an honest to god M E S S (tbh i still do but now i have eyebrow liner on) hsajhsajhh

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to (at the moment)

Run Away - TXT

Work It - Sabrina Carpenter

Euphoria - BTS

Song Cry - Yeonjun

Helpless - Hamilton OBC

Satisfied - Hamilton OBC

Journey to the past - Anastasia OBC

Lost in the Woods - Frozen OST

Perfect Song - Sabrina Carpenter

Friends - BTS

#tags #tagging #tagged yet again #sadjkjksdajad #what a mess #im so basic wtf

9 notes · View notes

revol-lover · 4 years

Text

dreams don’t end at “30″

so i just had a little breakthrough and maybe this wont sound like anything to anyone else but i just have to share it

so i’ve talked about this before. about how my friend and i were both planning these personal development like goals for this year that covid got in the way of. and he said something, about how this is his last year in his 20s and he wanted to get some goals accomplished before 30

and i thought about that and realized something.

i have been feeling similarly about a few goals that i’ve been hanging onto for years and years. like i’m going to be honest with you, some people might remember this if you’ve been around here for a long time but probably not. anyway when i was in high school i really wanted to make music, sing, learn an instrument. and i did make some covers that i posted on myspace (showing my age here lol) and youtube but then i kind of gave up on it when

1) became 18 and realized my dream to go to NYC and pursue music when i was 18 wasn’t happening because of a million reasons (it was very much a pipe dream, right? i mean you can’t have that dream and not prepare for it and i didnt. also i was too scared at the time to even move out to my own place if i had the funds to do so because my parents wouldnt have really approved and i was still so under their thumb)

2) broke up with my musician boyfriend. which needed to happen. but he was the only person super passionate about that kind of goal at the time around me (till he ran lol) and he actually is still doing music now so good for him but basically

because of those 2 reasons i just let go of that dream all together as something i thought i wanted to do but was “unrealistic”.

but the thing about turning 30 and feelings like you needed to achieve all these personal/dreamy/goals in your 20s. what is that bullshit? why?

what changes when you cross over to 30? i’ll tell you one thing. media pushes movies, books, films, everything about people chasing their dreams in their 20s and “settling” down in their 30s. where’s my inspiring movie about the 32 year old mom who finally wrote a song and performed it live after being terrified her whole life of doing so?

think about it though

in your 30s you. *might* have a better paying job than you did in your 20s. which means, if you can manage to find time or a way for it, you *might* be able to save a little more money or afford to do something like, buy that guitar and guitar lessons in order to learn to play and write a song and live out your dream in some way, even if its just learning to play so you can play at an open mic. and maybe you’ll like that and you’ll somehow connect with likeminded people and form a band. idk. your dreams dont have to end in your 20s.

you dont have to fall into the trap of your 20s are for your dreams that are so big you feel like the chance of achieving them is getting struck by lightening

and then your 30s are for fancy adult goals like buying a house, and going on a $10k vacation and those things are probably just as hard as the goals you had in your 20s but the world wont make you see it that way. its seen as “selfish” to prioritize and budget for your artistic goals - but not a house. no that’s responsible and what you “should” do. but its ok to prioritize something that’s going to give your soul fulfillment too! we need to believe that! because it’s true. we are not here just to work our jobs and live mundane colorless lives once we aren’t considered “young” anymore (but 30s are still young. not what i’m saying)

you’re always going to be chasing something big and if you let the world control what that thing is you’re always going to be on some rat race.

it’s fine if you achieve your goals in a different order than the world says you were supposed to. i got married young and had a child young, that was how my life played out and i’m happy with that because, yes, finding love and becoming a mother very much were goals of mine.

yes i dropped out of college because i couldn’t afford it and i couldnt find a major that felt worth being in debt for. and also, because hey guess what? contrary to what a lot of people will try to lead you to believe, college is not for everyone. and college does not = success. college drop out does not = failure. it’s just an option of something you could do with your life. AND if you didn’t go to your college in your 20s it doesnt mean you can’t in your 30s. or 50s. hell my husband, who did go to college saw elderly (think, 80s!) people going to his college as students! college isn’t just for 18 year olds fresh out of high school.

My 27th birthday is in 2 weeks and no, i have not yet to worked up the courage to write an original song from words to music, or have the courage to get on a stage and sing anything, or talk to a stranger, or publish any of my writing or art, goals i’ve had whirling around in my brain since I was 18, but, it’s going to happen. maybe this year. maybe when i’m 35, but it’s going to happen. a number is not going to be the thing holding me back.

that whole mentality of “my youth is slipping away i need to achieve all these dreams before midnight the day of my 30th birthday” is so stupid and flawed and we all deserve to see ourselves, and our individual potential as more than that.

last part of this rant - one of the reason i even became so passionate about reignighting some of my dusty, old goals, that it turned out, i still cared about, is because i had a moment where i was like

ok i am a mom. i am someones mom. how will my daughter see me, as a person, not just her mom?

kevin and i always talk about how between the two of us we’ve both had a lot of quintessential young adult experiences that we look forward to sharing with her. like, quitting jobs, getting in car accidents, that one time i unknowingly participated in an illegal bonfire and ran from the cops then lied straight to their faces and somehow got away with it (literally my ONE act of teen rebellion), changing college majors like 3 years in (kevin), failed classes, tried cigarettes, etc like i’m ready, and hope that one day she will feel comfortable talking to us about things because we’ve been through things and have a lot of input and two different perspectives to offer

but further than that, i realized that i want her to know that her mom is a person too. i want her to know that mom is also passionate about writing, and music, and somehow tackled some of her goals in regards to that so that SHE can feel that SHE, too can do those things. and i know that, that is in part how it works

because,

my dad IS an artist. my dad IS a musician. yall. my dad is SO talented. my dad is brilliant. besides his artistic abilities which include, drawing literal realistic as fuck portraits, sculpting, painting, playing guitar, bass, piano, mandolin, he also knows music composition, etc etc etc beyond all of that, he also taught himself fucking PLUMBING and ELECTRICIAN SHIT to fix things in our house growing up. like he bought a book. and taught himself. my dad. i grew up thinking that was normal but i realized not everyones dad can just tear down the bathroom and rebuild it from scratch down to the plumbing without being a licensed professional.

but anyway the point is - as talented as my dad is, he doesnt really pursue his artistic dreams much. and its sad. i’m glad that i’ve seen some of the work he did when he was younger. i’m glad that if i bring it up, he’ll show me something he can do. but he doesnt pursue it anymore really. my dad works an exhausting physical labor job but even he, as a 50something year old has fallen into that trap of like, i dont have time to draw, but he will scroll his phone and read articles for hours and i’m not shaming him. i’m just saying we all have this problem in the modern era of technology and social media and what not (hell i am writing a post on tumblr instead of my book right now).

but if timing was different and my dad grew up in a different time, where lets say something distracted him from doing the little bit of art and music that he did when i was a kid that i was able to witness, if i hadnt seen that. i wouldnt know that.. in a way.. that’s in me. i mean, he’s my dad. if my dad could pick up a craft and work at it to be good at it, why can’t i? there are so many musicians and (kind unrelated but not rly - i think being “self made” is an art) business owners in my family. there’s either some common thread in our genetics ORRRRRRRRRR just growing up around people working at and succeeding at those kinds of goals shows you that it CAN be done so you’re more likely to believe in your abilities

and i want that for my daughter. because even as an almost 3 year old i can see that she has a gift for music, and reading. and even if i’m wrong about that and she grows up wanting to do some other thing as a job or hobby, i want her to know, by seeing her mom do it, that she can achieve anything she puts her heart to. you don’t have to box yourself in because of your age or your sex or the fact that you’re a parent.

and your dream doesnt have to become your career. it can be a hobby and still be fulfilling. like yes, 18 year old me dreamed about some life in nyc singing in clubs or bars or whatever and being ~famous (lol) and that did not happen, but i can still get out there and play open mic downtown and get that love of music, and desire to face my fear of performing out of my system. maybe i’ll love it. maybe i’ll hate it. but i’ll have done it. and that’s the ultimate goal.

sorry i went off but i had to get that out of my system and i’m very passionate about

#personal

2 notes · View notes

hwangskz · 5 years

Text

excuse me, do you have a boyfriend? | bad boy! felix

so i was lurking on tumblr at 5am a few days ago and got inspired for this by @chenle 's anon lmao thank u i guess skjshd

• "are you jamaican? 'cause jamaican me fall for you ;)" - you know who

• u read another note from the same guy who's been following u around for quite a few weeks now

• and as u slam ur locker shut (trying to look cool (⌐■_■))

• but then

• "hello there"

• "JSHSBA AAAAAA-"

• "OH MY GOD IM SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE U !!!! IT'S JUST ME !!!!! FELIX !!!!!"

• there goes ur cool aura o(╥﹏╥)o

• "from the next time, TELL ME UR THERE BEFORE U FUCKIN ATTACK BITCH"

• "i ???? just spoke ????"

• "ur voice is enough to give me shivers shut up-"

• and he nears ur face and just wriggles his eyebrows up and down causing u to roll ur eyes

• "shut up i didn't mean that in the other way-"

• "yeah, um, sure"

• u could only roll ur eyes at him at this point

• "also im not jamaican?? im korean, dude" - you, as u look at felix with confusion

• "JSHSB NO I KNOW!!!! but ur still making me fall for u ;))" - felix, as he throws a wink at u in the end, and u pretend to gag on it which makes him cutely laugh

• u never really understood felix's deal w you, u know????

• like, yeah u remember bumping into a guy after u had joined ur school for about a month and u were late for ur maths class

• and honestly u would have loved to help him pick up whatever papers that fell down (that belonged to him) but NUH UH BITCH UR NOT STAYING 15 MINS AFTER CLASS AGAIN JUST TO CATCH UP ON WHAT U MISSED

• u had once learned that if something's gone, then that's just how it is gonna be. gone.

• so who are u to change laws HUH

• but while u were rushing this boy just???? stops u????

• "excuse me, do you have a boyfriend?"

• first thought : what... the fuck

• second thought : WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS RANDOM STRANGER JUST ASK

• that may have sounded agressive but u WERE FUCKING BLANK

• "w-wait, what?"

• "a-ah, sorry that must've been too direct... i'm lee felix! and i think ur cute"

• bro

• how the FUCK are u straightforward

• "because ur cuteness made :D"

• u dont even know HOW but felix just ended up sticking his nose in ur business with u after that

• his friends never minded??? tho???

• "hey chan i hope u don't feel weird when felix stays with me for too long,,,"

• "?????? y/n!!! i would never oml!!! it's completely fine! u can have 'lix! romantically too, teehee"

• looking at it from felix's side,

• he was carrying the extra sheets back to his science class when he bumped into u

• he obv knew u were a girl because of ur voice when u were talking to urself about getting late

• so u know how in movies and shows and books, they all say that u'll meet the loyl after bumping into them and then u both will gather the papers together and all that stuff

• well that did happen

• ...except that u just ran away without a sorry or anything???

• so felix just sat there in silence for about 3 seconds before dashing to u and, well, asking if u have a boyfriend

• to be honest, this wasn't really the first time he's seen u, u know

• yall have the same english class and he sits right behind u

• he's admired u from behind before

• but probably his Bad Bitch Side decided to show up that day because this boy is actually just a softie behind that bad boy personality jshsjshs

• but seeing u react like that, with ur cheeks all flushed he just :((( GOD he fell in love w u more

• back to the present

• now u know how i mentioned that yall have the same english class???

• well, felix knows ur existence in that class

• however,,,u cant say the same about his tho

• so when u walk into ur class today ur ??? surprised???? when u see felix sitting in ur seat????

• "????? are u stalking me????"

• felix chuckles as he moves aside to make space for u to sit down, which u do

• "can't believe u didn't know we share a class together"

• ":OOOO WE DO?"

• the thing is that u just looked so focused on the topics that felix just didn't have enough heart to break ur concentration from it, yk

• "that's one really stupid excuse"

• "y/N-"

• however, that day in class, u couldn't help but look at felix

• how his eyes sparkled when he gave the right answer and everyone awed at his english skills

• how he showed u his new pencil pouch that had his favorite cartoon character drawn on it and cutely laughed again

• how he kept quoting vines to u and then just laughed heartily again

• are u taking a liking towards felix?

• maybe it had been a really long time since u had been zoned out because the next thing u know felix is shaking u by ur shoulders (very slightly, cautiously, in order to not hurt u accidentally)

• "y/n? hey? u there?"

• u blink ur eyes several times as u look around the class, trying to get a better view, at what looked like ur classmates leaving for their home

• u pack up ur stuff and ur ready to go before felix tugs on ur hoodie sleeve

• jesus CHRIST who taught him to be this cute

• "do u wanna walk home, maybe..?"

• u would have rejected the offer

• "sure"

• maybe that answer was just lying on the tip of ur tongue

• maybe u are taking a liking towards felix

• so yall are on ur way to ur home, in silence

• not that it was awkward

• it felt nice like this

• it felt nice to be with him, like this.

• "hey y/n?"

• "hm?"

• he looks over at u, making sure u know he's sincere about whatever he's gonna say next

• "aren't u tired of me?"

• ??????

• "what do u mean 'tired' of you?"

• "i mean, i'm always lurking around u. never with my friends. i'm always trying to talk to u, disturb u. how have u not gotten rid of me yet?"

• u think for a moment

• think about the time when u first met him

• well obviously u were disturbed

• but u didn't mind it tho

• and unlike other times when u felt lonely, he actually made it feel like someone really had ur back

• even if he kept pushing through ur shell

• actually

• ur pretty fucking glad he did

• "because i like being with you."

• and FELIX JUST SKBSBS STOPS WALKING AND GOES ??????

• "??????? DONT U HATE ME THO"

• "never said that." - you, as u turn around trying to open ur door

• and there he goes again, mouth hanging open and his heart beating at full speed once again because of u

• “wh- in what SENSE DO U LIKE BEING WITH ME-”

• “i’ll leave it to ur imagination”

• and like that, u just turned around and closed the door to ur house, leaving a burning red felix behind

• next day when u reached ur school, u went to ur locker, yk, waiting for the day to go on like a normal one

• except... it wasn’t

• felix stood in front of ur locker, a bright smile on his face and a bag of chocolates in his hand

• “y/n!!!!!! good morning!!!!! ヾ(＠⌒▽⌒＠)ﾉ !!!!”

• “felix what are u doing in front of my lo-”

• he didn’t even let u finish before he shoved the chocolates in ur face

• “i brought something for u!!!”

• and like this, the entire day, felix was acting ESPECIALLY clingy to u

• u didn’t mind it tho

• but before school ended today

• “y/n! wait for me!”

• u look up to see a familiar face

• namely. hwang hyunjin

• running towards u

• “hey! it’s been a while, huh” - you, as u stand facing him now

• he pulls his bag over and gives u a hug, slightly startling u

• “yeah... also, y/n? can i, uh, ask u something..?”

• u nodded slightly, unsure of what he’s gonna say next

• “are u seeing someone?”

• u go silent for a moment

• ur first thought : felix

• but then again, u think, ‘does he even like me for real..?’, so so so many thoughts all about felix are going on in ur head

• so hyunjin continues

• “if not, would u like to go somewhere tomorrow-”

• “she didn’t answer u, did she? then why don’t u take a hint, and leave?”

• u look towards ur right to see the person who had occupied ur mind

• YALL ALREADY K N O W THIS IS LEE FELIX

• “felix you don’t need to-”

• “is s/he/they your girl/boyfriend/partner?”

• this was just a question from hyunjin, so why did make you stop talking?

• why did it do something to your heart?

• “yes.”

• and with that, felix takes ur hand in his and walks away from the school building, but not very far as u pull away from his grip

• “felix? why would you say something that isn’t true-”

• “because i want it to be!”

• you can’t even form words now at this point honestly

• WHAT IS A WORD Y/N L/N DOESNT WHAT A WORD IS

• felix continues

• “i want it to be true, y/n! from day one, when i first met you in class, till today, i only thought of being with you. i even confessed to you, so so so many times, and you said no. well, that’s fine. but what isn’t fine is that.. you never believed me. you never believed the love i had for you. why? is this really too much to ask for? can’t you ever just believe me?”

• u have no clue what made u do this

• but you stepped closer and said

• “i didn’t answer you, right? didn’t you say just a few seconds before that if the person doesn’t answer, the other should take the hint and... leave?”

• u had never seen felix’s eyes tear up like that

• not even that time when he got a huge bruise on his hand because he tried to save u from that ball in the baseball game that had headed towards u

• and it makes something in u ache

• and ur about to take back ur words when

• “if this makes u better, then that’s that, i guess. goodbye, y/n.”

• and like all cliche films u try to pull him back, but guess he’s just really fast. because now? u only see an empty road

• and guess he really meant that goodbye, because now, u can’t even find him

• u even went to chan if he had seen felix

• so many times of the day, but

• “sorry, y/n. i haven’t seen him yet :(”

• was all that u got as an answer from him

• honestly? at this point, u didn’t even know if u liked felix or not

• “from the looks of u, maybe yeah u do.”

• u look up to see chan smiling and taking his seat beside u

• “look, y/n, i might be a very ignorant person sometimes, but i couldn’t ignore the look of sadness on felix’s face that day. we’ve known each other for quite a long time now, you know? but this is the first time i had ever seen him so in love with someone.

• being the popular kid of the school, he still was very polite to people. i still remember when he told he felt something for a girl in his class. i just chuckled thinking it might just be a small crush.... but it wasn’t. it isn’t just a small crush for him now, y/n.”

• ur heart just.. physically hurts alot at this point

• “do u know where i can possibly find him?”

• “i’m not really sure, but u can try to look for him in the practice room. he would always be there when he’s down.”

• maybe there’s still a chance left

• “will he be there right now?”

• once chan answers u, u dash ur way to the practice room, not caring about the students who turned back to scowl at u

• u open the door

• and u might just cry

• because there he was, sitting in front of the mirror, legs crossed, hands tangled in his hair and head down

• “felix!”

• before this boy even gets the chance to answer u, u hug him ever so tightly, trying to ignore that he had slightly flinched at ur touch

• “y/n..?”

• u pull away, hands still wrapped around his waist, and speak out the words that felix had been longing to hear

• “i think i like- no wait. i like you ALOT BITCH”

• felix blinked twice before chuckling lightly and pulling u into a kiss

• and once, u felt so warm

• u sure were shocked at first, but when u kissed him back, felix smiled against ur lips

• when both of u pulled away, ur cheeks burning red

• and so were felix’s cheeks

• he looked down and spoke as he played with his hands, turning the ring around his finger several times

• “i thought u would never come..”

• “says the one who ran away.”

• “because YOU told me to leave!”

• it’s ur turn to look down now, because, damn he was right

• “i just- i’m sorry. i don’t even think i have an excuse for that, except that i couldn’t turn down hyunjin properly.”

• felix sighs and falls into ur arms again

• “did u know i was gonna confess to u that day?”

• “u confess to me everyday tho”

• “!!!! no i mean a serious confession. i was really gonna tell u, sincerely, this time. did chan hyung tell u?”

• u pull away and look at him with a confused expression on ur face

• “??????no????? in fact, he told me that u ‘might’ be here today”

• felix sighs out of relief

• “im glad he kept his promise and didn’t tell u beforehand that day. gotta get him a treat then.”

• “?????????bitch?????? IM COMING TOO”

• he laughs and holds u by ur shoulders as he speaks

• “obviously u’re coming. u’re my woman now, after all ;))))))”

• “oh no what have i got myself into”

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adecila · 5 years

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Game of Thrones – A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - 8x02 episode analysis (kind of)

…or the episode we should have gotten last week.

And we’re back! I am not here to shit on last week’s episode I actually enjoyed it very much, if you just take it for what it was, but! I cannot help but remark how much better episode 2 has been to us… the writing was very very good and rich, and in character, and it finally feels like GoT and… I honestly don’t know what happened in episode 1. But moving on…

As you can already tell, this is going to my personal summary, thoughts and analysis of episode 02 of season 8. Going to put it all under a cut – spoilers, you have been warned.

Are you an Oathkeeper or on Oathbreaker? Or the Jaime Fucking Lannister Fest

Listen I am not calling this a trial, because it is not. Yes I know they call it a trial in the BTS and Inside the episode.

Dany’s speech about Jaime’s deeds against House Targaryen is very good. As I have mentioned in my preview analysis, this is the first time (third time is a charm ha) that Jaime and Dany speak to one another. She doesn’t know this man. This man tried to kill her and he killed her father.

I got right half of the stuff at least, for what it’s worth. Tyrion looks soooo sooo bad. LIKE YOU KNEW YOUR SISTER? Oh the glare!!! If looks could kill, Tyrion would be dust. LiStEn, Tyrion, honey. Sit down. Jeez, read the room, you are not making it better. Dany is right - why should she trust this man? And Sansa is right there with her… until Brienne speaks.

Gwen called Brienne’s speech something “almost like a declaration of love” and I think that is so beautiful it hurts. Not a Braime fan, but hey you got fed fam, I am happy for you! I already mentioned in my live blogging that it was either incoherent or just plain retcon to forget that Sansa sent Brienne to KL because she thought Brienne would kill her if it meant a showdown with Arya. But I digress.

I find it very interesting how Jaime didn’t apologise and his cojones to say so because “we were at war” - and I get it, my dude, Ser Hot Stuff, we all know all is fair in love and war, but I guess it would be ooc for him to apologise. Great delivery, I don’t particularly like NCW but this scene? Top notch. I rate it one doggy style fuck out of one, but so good your legs are wobbly and you can barely find the energy to plop on your bed afterwards.

The things we do for love… and Bran is back with the fucking shit stirring drama. We stan Bran Starkashian.

I find it interesting since this is also Dany’s chance to show how she rules - Lady Sansa says her opinion, which surprises Dany. Then she turns to Jon, who the entire time has been very very quiet. Like the kind of quiet you are when you have the biggest hangover and you are stuck in class and you just want it to be over with. So Jon says what he could say to get the fuck out of there. “We need every man we can get.” So Jaime is given his sword back after Grey Worm literally gives him the I AM WATCHING YOU BITCH glare.

But Jon’s chair is not facing forward, it is slightly oriented towards Dany’s. Notice how he doesn’t look at her, even when she addresses him directly. She gets up and everyone does so afterwards FINALLY SOME FUCKING RESPECT and she turns to Jon… and he doesn’t even look at her… and my baby looks heartbroken because he just ignores her *coughs* As soon as the meeting ended, he rushed out, not giving her a chance to say a word. *coughs*

In defence of Jon… Know what, we’ll talk about Jon later, when we get to the reveal.

Oh and Bran totes doesn’t care about Jaime enough to expose him in front of the entire Great Hall. Because ya know, he is a drama queen, but he keeps his cards close, he either already has a plan for Jaime or as he said, and as I have predicted from the preview, it serves no purpose to expose Jaime for what he did to Bran. Like just click on it and read it. Good that Bran called him out on his apology naaah bitch you don’t get to go holier than thou here. It is what it is.

Me at Bran this episode:

Jaime and Tyrion’s conversation is very interesting, not only about Dany in general whether she is worthy or not, and Tyrion seems to be team Dany. Was it just me or Tyrion more like whispered the part where he talks about Cersei’s baby. Also also listen Jaime, unless you’re suddenly a gynaecologist how the fuck do you know she is not lying? I loved how Tyrion called Jaime out on the fact that he loved Cersei despite knowing full well what and who she was. Dude let’s call it what it was. Don’t play coy now.

Ding ding ding Tyrion mentions marching to KL and killing Cersei … and that’s all I am gonna say about it.

Jaime x Brienne wow this ship is getting so fed - enjoy babies ! And I loved how Brienne was suddenly WHY ARENT YOU INSULTING ME I DONT KNOW HOW TO INTERACT TO YOU !!!! Brienne is leading the left flank and Jaime wants to be led by her. Keep in mind for next week’s episode! I am so proud of my son Pod, I am basically proudmom!Brienne tbh.

The episode in which Dany gets a lot of counsel - because that’s also the type of ruler she is

Tyrion x Varys x Jorah vs Dany - Dany gives the best scolding ever tbh. Moms, take notes, because look at Tyrion’s face. He knows this Christmas when the NK comes he will only get coal. No whores and wine for Tyrion. He was naughty boy.

KHALESSI - Listen. I don’t like Jorah in the books, and my impression of show!Jorah has always been tainted by it. But this Jorah is redeemed and deserves to live I WILL RIOT IF HE DIES. The scene he has with Dany is one of my favourites because it just shows how much history they have together. I will sob if he dies because he is the only one left from S1E01 with her. Jorah tells her to forgive Tyrion and seek out S.ansa to smooth things over. MY BEAR

S.ansa x Daenerys - First time I thought it was going well, they were bonding… and then S.ansa leaned forward and the hand placing seemed a bit too deliberate to me, too Margaery. What I am trying to say is that it is very hard to know if S.ansa is being genuine. It is a very good scene and it holds a lot of importance later on, more on that when I talk about the reveal in the last scene (and I this is what I wanted from episode 1 - cold but courteous.)

S.ansa tells Dany Jon loves her and that “men do stupid things for the women they love, they’re easily manipulated” - which, fair point; she saw Cersei and Margaery do it. Buuuut she also had the counter-argument: she saw how Littlefinger manipulated her aunt. So it goes both ways, bby.

“All my life I have known one goal: the Iron Throne […] until I met Jon

INTERRUPTING THIS PROGRAMME TO FLAIL BECAUSE HOLY SHIT WE FINALLY HEAR DANY CALL HIM “JON” ON SCREEN YES YES FUCKING FINALLY THANK YOU BABY JESUS AND MARY AND THE ENTIRE TEAM OF 12 APOSTLES

“Now I am here, half a world away, fighting Jon’s war alongside him. Tell me, who manipulated whom?” - I love how Dany turns the tables here, because she is right; if Dany was manipulating Jon, then how come she is the one here, fighting with all her men and resources and dragons? Who gains from this more? SEE S.ANSA IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE IF YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN-

FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING CONTENT.

Then S.ansa goes for that smile ugh and agaaaain I am having soooo much trouble taking it for genuine.

“I am here because I love your brother and I trust him and I know he is true to his word […]” I AM DEAD DEAD DEAD

And then it goes to shite because S.ansa is now clearly drawing inspiration from Theresa fucking May since she has no fucking skills to bring up Brexit - is it Nexit? Dany retreating her hands tho - she feels played LIKE REALLY BITCH I WAS SPEAKING FROM MY HEART AND YOU WERE JUST BUYING TIME HERE.

Theonsa everywhere - or the ship you never thought would happen in this show yet you can’t help but ship it

That hug!!!! Wow I loved it!!! Sophie and Alfie killed it. Also watch Dany in the background - my baby!!! Do you know how hard it is being around people with big families when you’re… alone? It’s fucking depressing, and I just want to hug Dany and carry her to safety.

We got 3 Theonsa moments (and one was a Jonerys parallel so you know the romantic undertones are strong) in this episode soooo yeah! Enjoy! I am afraid they are setting Theon up to die, especially since it would be poetic cinema.jpeg for him to die defending Bran after he took WF from him.

Also also feels like book!Theon and show!Theon are colliding again.

The Merry Men and the Night’s Watch leftovers ; and Ghost for 3 seconds - you’re welcome ; the Hound and Beric; Missandei and Grey Worm

Tormund calling Jon “little crow” was fucking everything! did you catch Jon’s smile??? Precious baby!!! And then asking about Brienne!!!! But did you catch Jon’s face when he saw Sam was also there - like ugh you again - BYE

Missandei x Grey - one of them is totally dead BYE I AM GONNA FLUNG MYSELF OUT THE WINDOW

Sam x Jon on the battlements - ugh Sam really you are looking soooooo bad right now. Jon’s face is again precious. He is so over Sam atm and he is just like WHEN WILL THE NK COME FOR ME BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO STAY ONE MORE SECOND WITH THIS BITCH ISTG– Then I got emo when Edd came up. Damn. Watch Edd die too… I feel it in mah bones. That’s how the last of the NW dies.

Arya x The Hound - I get soooo many dad feels from the Hound tbh and I love it. My guess the Hound makes it. Beric tho??? hmmm Idk about that.

Tormund is fucking insane and I love him

THE BRIENNE KNIGHTING WAS EVERYTHING AND I CANT EVEN LOOK AT THE GIFS WITHOUT SOBBING MAH HEART - also!!! Dunk and Egg reference - Brienne parallel?? And the title of the episode! ugh Summerhall references? BRIENNE DO NOT DIE

Sam gives Jorah Heartsbane - Good. It’s what Jorah deserves. *pushes Sam out of the shot*

Pod singing Jenny’s Song is tearing me apart and making me sob harder I FUCKING LOST IT AND I AM STILL GETTING CHILLS YALL THIS WAS FUN. SEEMS EVERYONE DIES. No, I jest. But I love how they paired up the couples for a tragic love song - Brienne x Jaime, Sam x Gilly, S.ansa x Theon, Arya x Gendry, Missandei x Greyworm, Jon x Dany. I wouldn’t look too much into the song choice tbh, since in Inside the episode they say they knew they wanted a song and they just picked this one and added more verses since it was incomplete. I know this is the second Summerhall reference, but ya know, I personally wouldn’t look too much into it. Edit: I should have never trusted D&D - now go read these amazing posts made by @tomakeitbeautifultolive in which she explains the song and the significance for Jonerys. Also Ramin Djawadi spoke about the song and fed our fandom just today (April 25th).

The War Council or let’s gather around Bran Starkashian so he can spill some tea on the NK

Plan sounds basic imo, not that I had expected much about that, but in Miguel we trust and we know he will absolutely crash this battle in episode 3.

Interesting how the casually dropped that apparently the NK’s goal is to destroy Bran. And the mention of the mark - so now basically Bran is chipped. Cool beans. Sam’s remark about “death is forgetting, being forgotten is very interesting. Memories don’t come from books, your stories aren’t just stories.” - interesting take here. I Sam writing the book about Jonerys? If so I am afraid he has A FUCKING BIAS OMG I AM GETTING HEATED AGAIN. Also my friend @iane-casey was totally annoyed how much screen time Sam got which honestly same dude I am still pissed at you *joins Jon to brood and glare at Sam*

Dany publicly makes a point in that she still needs Tyrion aka he is forgiven so that there is no bad blood between them.

Lmao my friend @zavocado says we should totes just tape Bran to Drogon’s belly and lure the NK away from WF *grabs the duct-tape*

FINALLY A MAP: listen, they are outnumbered as fuuuuck… besides that it is clear that Dany’s forces will get the most hit since they are in the vanguard, Birenne on the left with the Knights of the Vale and some Stark forces, on the right we get the rest of the North, and the Mormonts are inside the gates!

Jon walks on Dany a second time - Dany stops as the room clears out (Qhono and Jorah and Varys behind her), looks expectandly at Jon, he doesn’t look at her (MY BABY BOY HE LOOKS SO ROUGH DID HE EVEN SLEEP?), falters “Your Grace”, and bolts. She falters, her face is all WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING and she clears the room too. More on that at the end.

Gendrya or the OTP you did not know you need and why you fucking need it

First of all, this fandom is so pure. I loooooved all the Gendrya on my dash from episode 1 and then this episode I got flooded and I am here for it bitch. Give me all the feels.

I cannot wait to see Arya with her new weapon!!!

GENDRY IS SO SHOOKETH BY ARYA AND I LOVED THAT SHE TOPPED HIM

I HAVE A SON YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER LET’S JOIN OUR HOUSES

The gendrya - jonerys parallels??? EVERYTHING JUST WOW

Jonerys parentage reveal 2.0 or the reveal Jon also deserved not the travesty he got

I will do a play by play of the scene, but first. Why does Jon avoid Dany? Simple. He is hurting. Since we get the Jaime vs Bran stare down and then we get the Jaime trial, it is safe to assume that happens the morning after Sam blurted the truth to Jon about his mom and dad.

So at Jaime’s fake trial, Jon had what? A few hours at best to process everything - and by that I mean: Dany is his aunt; Ned lied to him his entire life (no matter the reason, Jon has been raised a certain way and to hear the man who was so honourable was capable of the biggest lie in the realm… das huge! so this is shocking his entire moral compass and belief system built upon the education his dad gave him); his dad actually loved his mom and married her so he is no longer a bastard - ya know aka the thing that affected his entire life and the thing he wanted most; his mom died giving birth to him and she managed to think of him in her last moments, enough to make Ned promise her he will take care of her son; the fact that if Robert even caught a whiff of it, he would have been dead. SO that is a LOT LOT.

Which explains why Jon was so out of it when he is asked about Jaime. Also explains why he bolts out of the room without looking at Dany - I think if he had even so much as looked at her he would have broken down. He isn’t ready for it.

Oh the stuff I mentioned he had to come to terms with? On top of all of it we must add the stress of finding a way of telling all of this to Dany in a way that he doesn’t hurt her. Also I bet your ass he thought there was a chance she may not believe him (he himself did not in the beginning)… and a chance she may think he wants the throne since Sam drilled this into his head so now he is afraid of that too.

So when Jon is in the war room he had what? around 12 hours in total since Sam told him? 15? 20? Do you think that’s enough? Because I don’t. But this time he is doing much better. So he is still not looking at Dany, but he addressed her “Your Grace” and leaves - which means he is already in a better place than where he was in the morning, but not quite there yet.

This is good angst. We should rejoice, it will hurt before it gets better.

Moving on. Why didn’t he just directly go to Dany? I honestly don’t think it’s in Jon’s character to seek out comfort. This is a kid who had no one to go to when he would hurt himself. That shit stays with you. You don’t just flip a switch and start seeking out your other half. No, in moments of stress the brain reverts to things it knows bets, to muscle memory and old habits; it uses the energy to overthink itself to death so ain’t nobody got time for that new behaviours shit. At this point jonerys have been together for how long? 3? 4 weeks? That’s not that much. They are used to each other, but not enough to break old habits and past traumas.

Now, the reveal:

Dany stops, silently asking permission before she approaches Jon. Poor bean must be a bit hurt that he avoided her twice, so better make sure he actually wants her company. Jon actually smiles at her, even if it is a sad smile. It kills me how he is just staring at him mom’s statue. KILLS ME. Only then, she approaches him (look at her face, brief relief!). She stops next to him, he turns to her and nods, and only THEN SHE EMBRACES HIS SIDE, HOLDING HIS HANDS, CHIN TO HIS SHOULDER.

“Who is that?”

“Lyanna Stark.” Jon eventually says

Dany looks a bit like oh… shit, again my family yikes… I would say she looks apologetic. “My brother Rhaegar, everyone told me he was decent and kind. He liked to sing. Gave money to poor children. And he raped her” - ok but this is big, because Dany just in S7 recognised her own rape… So no wonder her opinion on Rhaegar is not that good atm.

“He didn’t”

Dany looks shook, but she is still holding onto Jon. Notice how his hand is on hers?

“He loved her.”

She doesn’t interrupt. Jon almost looks like he is feeling brave, so he keeps her hand into his and turns to face her.

“They were married in secret. After Rhaegar fell on the Trident, she had a son. Robert would have murdered the baby if he ever found out and Lyanna knew it.”

Dany is surpised, but so far so good. Jon stares into her eyes.

“So the last thing she did as she bled to death on her birthing bed was give the boy to her brother” – camera on Emilia — oh shit for a split second it starts to show that she is putting two and two together – “Ned Stark” – her eyes widen and she blinks – “to raise as his bastard” – she exhales, breathing accelerates – “My name,” – breathing heavily on her part – “my real name” -- she looks incredulous and nods a smal no – “is Aegon Targaryen” – she blinks, exhales, puls away her hand and turn halfway away from Jon.

She looks away, then at him, he is almost leaning over her but still too far. “That’s impossible.”

Camera on Jonerys

“I wish it were.” (SEE THIS IS WHAT I AM SAYING MY POOR SON)

“Who told you this?”

“Bran. He was it.”

“He SAW it?” She sound clipped, the ARE YOU KIDDING ME tone clipped

“And Samwell confirmed it.”He read about their marriage at the CItadel” – camera on Emilia —”without even knowing what it meant” (OK BUT FUCK OFF SAM GILLY READ THAT) - Dany’s face her, she is clearly restraining herself because this sounds insane.

“A secret no one in the world knew, except your brother and your best friend, doesn’t seem strange to you?” she shakes her head and it breaks my heart how you can see the wheels turning in her head going fuck here we go again, I laid my heart bare and that’s it. Yet another betrayal.

Camera on Kit. He looks at her, takes a step forward “It’s true, Dany.” – camera on Emilia – “I know it is.” (UM HELLO DANY I AM HYPERVENTILATING BITCH)

Dany shakes her head, her face looks full with distrust. Then it goes to despair - her voice shaky “If it were true, it would make you the last male heir of the House Targaryen.” – camera on Kit HE FUCKING FROWNS LIKE WHAT – camera on Emilia – “You’d have a claim to the Iron Throne” – camera on Kit and his face goes again WHA—

THEN THE FUCKING HORN SOUNDS. Jon turns his head towards the door, but Dany keeps staring at him and she looks heartbroken.

They go out and it’s all business. He nods to her and she leaves. Interesting though - she comes out first. Jon turned back towards the sound so if they were just running out he should have come out first. Either he remembered to be courteous or there is another small exchange we didn’t get to see. Or maybe I am reading way into things and it was a lame ass decision hahah.

Ok so the reveal to Dany - you better fucking take notes Sam cuz this is how you do a reveal: being calm, level headed, explaining to the person as much as you can, answering questions.

On Dany’s reaction: my friend @oadara said it so so well in this post here. So, building on that, we need to put her reaction in context, just like I did with Jon’s cold shoulder. Dany’s discussion with S.asnsa is fresh in her mind, not just the part about who is manipulating whom, and that must drive her nuts now, but also the part in which S.asnsa did a 180 on her just when she thought she was making progress, so feeling like she was being manipulated. One of course must start asking questions. Has Jon just found out? Has he always known? Did he seduce her to take her armies and her dragons her her throne?? Moreover, Dany specifically tells S.ansa that her only goal in life has been the Iron Throne. Imagine that - having one goal in life, and suddenly someone comes in and can just rip it all away from you, poof just like that, they just need to say the word. Moreover, males have preference… and so many would rather follow a male than a female. And that’s a fact.

Moreover… she still thinks herself barren…

Like I am not saying Dany suddenly hates Jon or will cast him away (ok maybe she will initially I have a prediction/theory I will explain in a different post). I am saying… JUST GIVE DANY TIME. She just found out and now she gotta go save everyone’s ass. Let the girl breathe.

I was asking myself but why would Jon tell her now? If he himself wishes she had never known? I think it may be a very Ned Stark thing - he genuinely thinks he will fall, and he wanted to tell her the truth, because Rhaegar Targaryen may be his dad but Ned Stark is his daddy.

What do you think? As always, dms and asks are open!

Will make a preview post and another about my jonerys theory.

All in all, this episode was incredible and I loved it. I am so not ready for the fight fuuuuuuuuuuuu-

#got spoilers #got spoilers 8x02 #got 8x02 summary #jonerys #jonerys meta #r+l=j #got meta #game of thrones #my analysis

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