#again this is just me rambling and trying to preserve a memory but if anyone else likes my words then hiiiiiii | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mono-dot-jpeg · 2 years

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antarctic idiots [pt.6] - c! technoblade

summary; in which two anarchist piglins adopt an ender boy.

genre; child! ranboo, piglin hybrid! reader, slight canon divergence from dream smp, fluff, found family au is my shit, reader is now ranboo’s parent i don’t make the rules, techno is a grumpy father but it’s okay you love him, realistic minecraft? (idk how to describe it-), uh angst (if you squint)

pairing; c! technoblade x reader, platonic! ranboo x reader

word count; 2.4k

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a/n; regarding techno's death, i have decieded to continue this series after it's long hiatus. i am not trying to stain techno's death with writing. i see this as keeping his character alive and keeping the memory of him alive. i am also coping this way. kind of. i was really sad about his death on the day it happened but now i'm feeling much different in a good way. i dont think techno would want to see any of us sad especially since he was usually the reason we smiled and not why we cried and i intend to keep it that way.

i will be writing for techno but i refuse to do anything nsfw with him as that just feels so disrespectful to him. obviously if there is any statement from his family about fanfics, this will be taken down.

i will continue to write for techno.

i am saying this to lighten this note, techno himself wrote fanfics about hypixel so there's not much of difference between him and a lot of other writers out there. if you don't like what i'm doing, that's fine, to each their own. i like to think i'm preserving his memory like artists.

today was the festival. you hadn't prepared too much (because how did you really need to prepare for a bombing), only bringing your armor and your trusty sword. you were with techno,, the male wondering if wilbur and tommy were coming to join you both.

"no, techno, they can't. they were exiled."

a beat of silence before, "hah, losers. imagine not being invited, L." techno said as you started to walk to l'manburg. you and techno meet up with other citizens and friends of l'manburg. techno greeting them much easier than you were. you didn't even know why you were invited in the first place, who else knew about you helping pogtopia? "is this where everyone who actually got invited meet up?" techno asked as you noticed some familiar faces. he started to ramble a bit though it didn't last long.

you stood behind techno, both of your shadows looming over the much shorter people in the crowd.

"oh, fundy is here."

"yeah! i got some fun games!" you looked at the fox hybrid. he showed the dunking tank, pranking poor niki for a moment. "hey, hey, technoblade! you have a trident right?" the male piglin nodded. "you think you can shoot yourself into the tank?"

"uh, i can try." techno offered, standing in the lake. his arm rose up in the air as he aimed for the sky, but before he could fly, “you’re not gonna drown me in the tank, right?”

“no.” fundy said, the sly fox was very obvious with his intentions, however techno didn’t seem to mind.

“alright, doesn’t sound like something you would do.” techno shrugged before flying up in the air and into the dunk tank.

“i would not trust fundy-” niki started but got cut off by the male piglin.

“i made it.” his voice muffled due to his helmet and the water. he partly made it. his head was just in the dunk tank while the rest of him hung out on the edge of it. you laughed a little bit as techno goes back to the lake to try again. he made it this time, yelling in victory before he looks up to see a block above his head.

laughing loudly, fundy looks at the piglin, “i lied.”

you and niki start to help him as techno starts rambling, “i should’ve expected this. well, this is the end for me. any second now i’m gonna drown.” he said dramatically. you put your helping to a stop, remembering what the pink haired male told you about his armor. you knew that technoblade won’t die this easily.

“hey, does anyone have popcorn? i want to see how this ends.” you asked anyone nearby you. they said no, leaving you pouting and eating your baked potatoes in despair as you watched techno dramatically lament about his upcoming “death”.

“i only have a few hours with my respiration 3 helmet.” you laughed loudly with others as techno continued his antics. “i’m feeling kind of hungry actually.” he started to eat his steak while fundy seemed to crumble down, complaining about how techno should’ve just died already.

“have you seen how much time this man has put into the smp? he probably has four backup sets!” fundy complained as your laughter calmed down to a few chuckles.

“hold on, i left the stove on at home.” techno broke the block and flew right out with ease. you could tell the fox had long given up at his task of killing techno with the dunk tank.

❚ Quackity > GATHER AT THE MANBURG PODIUM

before the speech had begun, techno shows off his fireworks that he had prepared for the festival. "woo fireworks!" he says in his usual monotone voice as everyone else cheers in awe othe the colorful explosives. you, on the other hand, had seen techno prepare the fireworks in his own base. how did you find that base underwater? he will never know.

"hello everybody and welcome to the manburg festival!" schlatt annouced. "i have invited all the citizens of manburg and some close friends of mine. i just- i just wanted to throw a party to be honest." during the small speech, you glance over to your right and see techno staring up at schlatt. he seemed to have that confused look in his eye, maybe wondering why he was at a party about government. you were wondering that same thing about yourself but even more so as schlatt never really knew you. you were never really around often, especially during the time of the election.

"chat, i'm not gonna do it. i'm literally surrounded by enemies.." your ear twitches, hearing techno muttering to the voices in his head. after a moment, he cheers, "woo party!"

quackity starts leading everyone to pokimane islands. everyone dances and cheers happily until niki and techno start talking about state secrets. "anyone wanna talk about state secrets?" techno asked not-so-subtly.

"you know for the fact that you're really smart, you're really unsubtle with getting private information."

"like you could do any better."

"i can actually. you're talking to the pandora's box after all." you smiled smugly. "how do you think i know about your other base?" techno narrows his eyes at you as your smile turns innocent while you brush your hand against his arm. "i know a lot of things, mr. blade, i would hate to have to pull anything over your head."

after a while, fundy suggested to do a boxing match. "yeah violence! yeahhh!" techno is quick to cheer on as you follow along.

"promoting violence. hell yeah!" you sound just as monotonous as techno does while everyone gathers at the ring.

nearly immediately, fundy is asking for a fight with techno. techno excuses himself for a moment. you watch the pink haired male fly with his trident to do something. you have some idea of what he's doing. just as fast as he flies away, he quickly arrives back and takes off his armor, setting it by you. "watch m' stuff f' me." his voice is a bit more gruffy as you raise an eyebrow upon noticing some familiar particles bubble around him. "don't look a' me like that."

you smiled, "hmm, mr. blade using a potion in a boxing match?" you talked quietly, humming in amusement. techno snorted, a telltale sign that a piglin was not very pleased. you laughed a bit, "don't be so mad, techno. i thought you were the mature one. i'm just pointing things out." techno is silent for a moment while you look at him. you would never say it to his face but he wasn't a bad sight to see or maybe it was just your piglin instincts to admire other piglins. you snort to yourself quietly, a sound that was close to a piglin admiring gold, but techno picks up on it.

"you seem to be admiring me. i am amazing so i get it." you laughed at bit upon seeing his smug smile as he faces you.

"glad to see you're warming up to me now."

"i still don't trust you." he huffed.

"well, trust and warming up to someone is different. i can be an acquaintance. i don't need to be trusted. not yet at least." you hummed. "anyways go beat up fundy, pig man." he snorted at your statement as antfrost starts to count down.

and in just a few seconds, the fox is down and techno is victorious. "who's next!? who's next?!"

"techno, we're gonna have to initiate a drug test on you."

"can we wait 30- no, 29- 27 seconds until then?" you started to laugh watching as techno counts down his potion effect while he fumbles over his words. quackity and fundy seem to not accept that, asking techno for a drug test. but techno is quick to escape. "all of a sudden, i'm gone-" and he's flying before anyone else can say anything.

he does come back as another speech was gonna happen in a few moments. and yet this one gave you a bit of a sinking feeling..

"who am i to say no to that, right? so without further ado, i think i’ll put big man tubbo, my right-hand man, my uh… my protégé, up on the mic to spit some bars!" everyone cheers for tubbo as you clap for him as well. you almost frown upon seeing how he can barely reach the microphone. he's so young for this… him and tommy… you can only think to yourself, hearing his speech. words are being heard and yet you can't listen well enough. you knew what was going on.

"so with that in mind, i'd like to thank everyone for coming to this wonderful event!" a deep chuckle fills your ears as tubbo's speech ends. "what- what's wrong schlatt?"

"i was just thinking about it. you know how we like to have fun, tubbo?" that sounds anything but good. you grip on your sword, something's gonna happen and you don't know if you have the guts to handle it right now.

"yeah.. what- what's up schlatt?"

"you got anything else in that speech?"

"uhhh no! on that note, let the festival begin!" after that all you see in quackity and schlatt whisper to each other and hand each other some bright yellow item. this was looking worse and worse as you watch the two surround tubbo with the paste and soon pouring water over the paste. it was now concrete. tubbo was stuck with no way out.

"what the fuck are they doing.." you muttered, feeling your anger rise. you can hear techno and niki mutter in confusion as they watch everything slowly unfold.

niki's pleas are unheard to schlatt as he speaks, "I know what you've been up to, tubbo."

"what- what have i done? what have i been up to? what are you talking about?" tubbo's eyes are glazed with fear and panic as his hands are pressed against the yellow concrete. he's trying to back up against the chair but he can't move any farther back.

shlatt laughs mockingly, "what i have been up to, he says.." and soon he's yelling, "he's been CONSPIRING with the idiots! with the tyrants! that we kicked out of this server! that we kicked out of this great country!" his voice was as loud and booming as you remember the past. when you escaped before the results were even out for the election, when you decided that this country was not what you wanted to stay in for very long. “i don’t know if you know this, tubbo but treason… isn’t exactly a respectable thing around here… y’know?”

“do you know what happens to traitors, tubbo?” the dark look in schlatt’s eyes have you gripping tighter on the worn out handle of your sword. the leather wrapped around the grip does nothing to help your bubbling anger.

“n-no…”

“nothing good.” he stops looking at tubbo to look into the stunned crowd, “technoblade, why don’t you come up here?” your neck nearly snaps with how hard you turned to look at him. was he working for schlatt? you asked yourself for a moment before seeing how surprised and concerned he was, looking around and having no response to the president. techno glances at you for a moment. both of you seem hesitant on what to do but with an unsettling feeling in his stomach, techno tridents his way to the large stage podium. you can barely keep yourself focused on everything. the whispers of everyone around, the choking atmosphere, and knowing that tubbo might just be in danger of losing a life. your mind is fuzzy as you can’t listen to a word of what schlatt is saying. you can hear snippets but it doesn’t go through your mind. you hear nothing. but then you hear everything.

“take care of the traitor. take care of him.” schlatt’s graveled voice suddenly feels grating to hear.

“you want me to get him- get him some breakfast?” techno’s voice is muffled and yet so clear.

“no…” niki’s cries are unheard as they’re overpowered by the shattering of your heart and the aching of your brain. you wished you could comfort her.

“he won’t. he won’t. he won’t! he’s on our side!” wilbur? when did he get here? how long has he been here? you’re getting rusty, old woman. you shouldn’t have retired, you idiot.

“techno, i need you to take him out.” take him out…?

“to dinner?”

“no! not to dinner! i want you to kill him!” schlatt’s voice screeches through the microphone as techno oh’s in realization.

“techno, you don’t need to do this!”

“it’s- it’s a festival today schlatt…”

you can see him hold his crossbow. he’s gonna do it… he doesn’t have much of a choice. not when they don’t know that he’s with pogtopia. suddenly you’re aware of how surrounded you are, marburg citizens were all in the crowd. you were sure that if techno or you made a wrong move, you would both lose a life.

“i’m sorry tubbo.”

“t-techno?”

your mouth is dry, failing to say anything to help techno in this situation. the battle of the lake was different, it wasn’t this. at least with a battle, you didn’t need to think about what to do. but to be fair, it’s not like you even tried to do any thinking at the time. but either way, this wasn’t a battle. this was an execution.

“i will try to make this as painless and as colorful as possible, tubbo.” techno can only mutter but the mic just barely picks it up.

“technoblade…”

“tubbo, i’m sorry! i’m being subjected to mild amounts of peer pressure.”

“DO IT TECHNOBLADE!”

with a yell, techno fires off the fireworks to tubbo. the thundering boom of the fireworks rings in your ears as you try and cover them to soften noise, just for a little bit. of course it didn’t help but there was nothing else you can think of doing. your feet frozen in place as you watch tubbo die. and soon everyone else would too. you can see the bloodthirst in techno’s eyes as he loads the bow again. so much was happening at once. tommy landed himself onto the podium in tears as he looks at where tubbo’s body lays. he was distraught at techno’s betrayal.

but techno could only see blood.

and you needed to run.

everyone who survived techno’s reign of fireworks is fleeing in panic, including yourself. you can only trip over your feet before using your own trident to get away, going in the same direction as techno while everyone was yelling to get tommy. why didn’t they bother with techno after killing so many citizens? that was something beyond your understanding really. the government ruling over manburg was a really bad one to say the least if they were doing such public executions. what a government that was.

taglist; @justahostaccount, @olyink,@aikochan4859, @classycookiebailiffstudent, @stickk-bugg, @goldensunshineshit, @sadlyitsme-boohoo, @2cuteforyourlies, @jace-the-ace12, @potenzel, @lvlyjuro, @kiinokochii, @anxiousnarwhale, @jaciahbabes, @lunna-does-real-doodle, @reeeeeeeeeebear, @iamsuchasimp, @morgan8or, @that-can-of-fizz, @sparesaber, @floprinceps, @spiralingtoinsanity, @imwaytootires, @dabbingintoart, @jadynchronicle, @v10dw4lk3r, @victory-is-here, @fromzeepewithlove

[taglist open until it's too much for me :')/hj]

[if you want to be added or removed, please click me]

#mcyt technoblade #techno x reader #technoblade #technoblade x reader #dream smp #dream smp technoblade #dream smp x reader #dream smp techno #antartic idiots

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m1ckeyb3rry · 10 months

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hii i have returned with my ramblings on SITH like i do every chapter lol :))

omg the mention of friedrich being “scary looking” reminded me of that time u said that only the mc genuinely finds him handsome & i still have not recovered from that /pos

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABT THAT TIME FRIEDRICH BEAT HER UP DURING TRAINING, THE MEMORIESSS

i love how much falco looks up to the mc & how this chapter kinda showed her being a mentor to him, it was so sweet <3 falco being out of breath from JOGGING is so real, like he’s just like me fr we’re both terrible at running

I CALLED IT THAT FRIEDRICH WOULD INHERIT THE JAW, ALL THE SIGNS WERE POINTING TOWARDS HIM LMFAO

the irony of colt being the first of the trio to inherit his titan & also being the first who will die. idk if u plan on diverging from the canon plot & having him live or just sticking with canon plot, but the “i’ll be the first” line rlly hits hard either way, & it’ll hit especially hard if he still dies.

now that i think abt it, the trio rlly is just the found family trope & im gobbling that shit up bro, i love them with all my heart 🫶 i feel like they’re not only soulmates, but also the “our fates are intertwined in every universe” trope as well. so even if one of them dies & the other two have to live on w/o them or two of them die & the last has to preserve their memory, all 3 of them will meet again in another lifetime. they just can’t be separated (they come in a set LMFAO). that’s my take on their relationship at least.

i hope u like my theories & takes lol. when im super invested in smth, i always like talking abt it & going in-depth bc that’s just what i like to do. even if i get some shit wrong (when theorizing or analyzing), that’s ok, bc im just having fun & enjoying smth im interested in :))

hope ur doing well & taking care of urself!! remember to hydrate & get lots of rest. and dont overwork urself (even tho that’s prolly easier said than done). <3

— 🪐

HIII I love your ramblings I always smile when I get the notifications!!

LMAOOO I would like to slightly revise that and add that friedrich isn’t really considered ugly by anyone either he just always looks 0.5 inches away from snapping so people are too busy being scared of him to think he’s handsome. Ofc the mc knows him so well that she sees past that and can appreciate him for what he is <3

HAHAHA IT WAS SO LONG AGO THEY WERE SUCH LITTLE BABIES BACK THEN!! So much has happened since then 🙁

I wanted to somewhat show Y/N being a good person again since we’ve seen so many chapters of her struggling and overcoming her faults and traumas. She’s definitely not a perfect person but she can be very kind at times and she is canonically super good with kids so I thought showing her and falco bonding and her doing something for someone other than herself would balance out the heaviness of everything post-athyae. falco is so sweet I actually love him sooo much but I was lowkey dying writing him in this chapter because he’s just so hopeless 😭 I would like to add that in the running scene Y/N is the one jogging…my man falco is SPRINTING to keep up with her 😩 up to interpretation whether it’s because “slow” for Y/N is fast for like anyone else or because falco is just really not athletically blessed.

I feel like friedrich being the jaw titan is the most obvious choice. He’s way too slippery (does that even make sense?? Idk how else to describe it) to be the armored titan and way too independent to be the colossal, he could be the cart but tbh Y/N just exemplifies the cart to me I couldn’t see anyone else inheriting it, colt being the next beast has been a thing since like the first chapters of the fic, and he just…is not a girl so I can’t imagine him as the female titan.

I won’t spoil the trio’s fates, but writing that scene knowing their futures was definitely painful. I’m trying to write and update more often so you don’t have to wait years to find out what happens to them because there is SO much planned for the future of this story. I’ve been struggling because the past two mini arcs (which were titled return to liberio and warrior’s welcome if you were wondering) have been the hardest to write so far. They’re a lot more introspective and focused on Y/N’s mental development, conflict, and recovery, so it was a lot of just “people visiting houses” with inner monologues as opposed to plot and external conflict. The next mini arc is very different though so I’m excited to get to that!! One more chapter of warrior’s welcome and then I’m finally free 😭

I ADOREEEE FOUND FAMILY!! That’s why endure and SitH are my favs, I feel like they both have their own versions of the found family tropes that make me feel so 😫 but the trio and the endure crew are definitely super different. like the endure found family is just a bunch of siblings (case in point Y/N and Jean) but the trio defies categorization. They’re in love but they’re best friends but they’re somehow more than that?? Idk their dynamic isn’t something I’ve written before but it’s definitely one of the most interesting I think!! (I’d say it’s my favorite but my favorites are endure jean and y/n, endure eren and y/n, and promise y/n and tullia, with an honorary mention to endure y/n and tullia)

I LOVE YOUR THEORIES SO MUCH!! I won’t confirm or deny if they’re right because I don’t want to spoil but I love reading them and responding to them so much. It makes me sosososo happy that you’re so invested in this random story I decided to write on a whim one day and that you’re having as much fun with it as I am. Your asks motivate me sm because with a story like SitH it can sometimes feel like I’m only writing for myself (which is good because it gives me creative freedom but sometimes demotivating as there’s no engagement)

Thank you so much and remember to take care of yourself as well!!

#ship in the harbor #answered asks

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re-ikrmso · 6 months

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c!ikari...me focusing more on thier more grey/tragic aspects...

ramble incoming. also ama anything about them...mwahhaha...also uh mentions of religion i guess?.

what do you do with yourself when the literal "highest" form of morality tells you that you deserve to burn? when you just lived an average life, when you just fell into this situation so suddenly

when you had no one else, and yet you are still unable to meet even those you lost

but at the same time, your own morality and self presveration prevents you from forking over your soul on the spot to hell's literal government

except they let Ikari run. after a while, they let Ikari run. and the lack of support, the demoralization

they BROKE IKARI, okay?? it's not like a constant thing, a direct thing but the overall environment and just passing comments, their own loneliness converging on them, the fact that maybe it was easier to just give up right there and then because where else COULD they go?

they whittled down Ikari's self esteem and then rebuilt it back on their own terms. Ikari's self reservation was replaced by a depression so prominent it allowed their soon to be bosses to just straight up take their memories to mold Ikari more easily. Ikari remembers falling, walking in the field, the rejection by the angels and being chased down and then "left" alone. heaven expressedly rejected them, and then even they weren't important enough to anyone to keep being chased.

Ikari was brought into that office slumped and sleepless and signed the official contract to seal away their soul. but really, i don't think I've really talked about Ikari's process to losing their soul much. but like. they're such a "HAHA" and "man what a sociopath/sometimes only sane guy" and they have this stupid job where they're meant to spread chaos and encourage sin but like. they're so loyal because their self preservation was allowed to be washed away. they're a constant andernaline seeker except when they nearly die, they cry and they cry and they tell themselves "never again" but they're required to hurt people in some way. to twist people, that is their job as a chaos agent. the more explosive, the broader spectrum kind of destruction they bring is the only thing they can do that both gives them adrenaline and the distance between personally hurting someone. they still have that empathy, they still have their humanity (for now) and if they linger on it too much they'll crack. they indulge in trying to fit in and sharing laughs with their co-workers. they make themselves act up on purpose to establish a reputation. but they're not really that known, (kinda). they throw away any belief of heaven being so great (except they still regard them as a sign of morality they cannot erase that) and they harp up on Hell because it's the opposite of heaven, right? (they know it's not. to them, it's just different kinds of bullshittery, but one of those places is now technically their home so what does it matter if they're not actually right?)

just...c!ikari...WAHHH...

#rpd!universe #c!ikari #c!ikari mention #ramble

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vinc3nnt · 2 years

Text

𝐀 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦

Summary: Xiao's dream.

this ones kinda boring imo so get ready for the wack writing

xiao awoke on a peaceful shore, it was as if he's been drifting off into the ocean for far too long. here he is now, nowhere. xiao felt incredibly lazy.. or just too tired to wander elsewhere than this shore.

who would even want to leave such a peaceful sight? this isn't liyue for granted, he'll return back eventually, no? well.. he ended up staying there for the sunset, it was worth it.. though, it did remind him of a distant memory, it continues to shimmer like gold through his life, even though he's tried forgetting.

"hey,, you. um.. are you okay?" a familiar voice rings throughout xiao's ears. he knows this voice extremely well, though its been a long time by not seeing that specific person.

xiao turns around to meet a familiar face, one's he's missed. it was another version of you. the clothes were foreign, like what foreigners from fontaine who are usually said to wear. how fancy..

"sir.. I've noticed you've been sitting there for a while, I was wondering if you were doing alright?" the person asked, sitting down next to xiao.

xiao just looked away, not responding at all. "uh.. I'm y/n, how about you?" they replied, trying to get xiao's attention. that name's done the job of catching his attention. "y/n?" xiao felt as if he wanted to hug you... but what if it was just someone with the same appearance, name and anything else? it sounds crazy.. though its been past decades, you can't really look this young...

"I'm xiao." xiao bluntly responded, trying his best to bottle up his current feelings towards seeing 'you' once again. it hurts, though it also creates a weird feeling inside him. did you really leave him for all those years just to be here?.. No, you swore to come back. and I wouldn't ruin your fun.. perhaps you just hadn't had the time to visit by.

"that name sounds familiar." they giggled, combing their hair. "say, have we met before? you look like you know me too!" they exclaimed. "I don't believe we have.." xiao lied through his teeth, you barely even remembered him. will you even accept him back into your arms? "hm.. if you say so." they pouted, writing using their finger through the sand.

"oh, are you a vision bearer?" y/n pointed to xiao's wrist, where his vision stays. "I am." xiao bluntly responded. "how cool! can you do anemo tricks?" y/n said, doing gestures of floating tricks. "anemo tricks?" xiao asked, not knowing what it is. "anemo tricks are like making things float or something, controlling something into the wind and other stuff! can you do that?" y/n asked, as xiao tried to concentrate his energy to a tiny hole that sucks in items, soon enough the sand was able to be caught into it, making y/n amazed.

"how cool!" y/n said, clapping their hands. xiao slightly smiled at your behavior, he felt as if you two just met again. then y/n were just playing with the sand in the anemo stormeye, running out of potential conversation topics.

"xiao, can I tell you something?" y/n smiled, cuddling their knees. "go on." xiao said, relaxing himself into the sand. "I was put into a cryogenic sleep once! they told me it lasted decades!" y/n rambled about a cryogenic sleep, "what is this 'cryogenic sleep', you're talking about.." xiao asked, feeling a tad bit curious.

"cryogenic sleep is sleeping in a cold place.. I think its similar to hibernation, y'know, the thing that animals do when they're cold n stuff. cryogenic sleep is like freezing food, or.. I lost examples. It's like preserving yourself for the next time!" they continued to explain, soon enough you felt as if you've said too much. "ah.. sorry. Its fun talking about things I've known.. and plus, cryogenic sleep sounds suuuuper cool!"

"...I see. who put you in that cryogenic sleep?" xiao asked, willing to take down anyone that you've mentioned. "uh.. what was their names? hmm.. I don't remember!" y/n thought from the top of their head. "alright then.." xiao felt a need to go already, it was too early for that..

xiao felt as if the world was spinning, his head felt pain never once felt, as if it was asking it to leave. the vision of your face became blurry for xiao. "seems like our time's up.." they muttered, feeling saddened by xiao's departure.

"maybe we could see each other next time, no?" they smiled, as xiao now awoke in a cold sweat, he's just fallen asleep onto the table he were eating almond tofu on. that dream just gave him more questions than answers itself, quite confusing, though you were still alive, were you?..

never had he once wanted to go back to a dream.

#xiao genshin x reader #xiao #genshin #xiao fluff #genshin xiao #xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin x you #genshin fanfic #xiao genshin impact

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dramaticvhs · 2 years

Text

part two of my favorite teen wolf fics in no particular order

please read tags! some things on this list will not be for everyone.

part one here part three here

( fics with ⭐️ beside them are some I reread constantly )

Untangled by silentdescant

(stetopher, explicit, 31k) ⭐️

Before heading to college, Stiles gets a summer job as a deckhand on the Hale family yacht, and he has a burning desire to embrace his new adulthood and lose his virginity. He’s disappointed to find that the two most attractive and unattached men on the yacht, Captain Chris Argent and rich lawyer Peter Hale, are already in a secret relationship with each other, and he doesn’t want to come between them. Luckily for him, they’re more than happy to have Stiles between them, and they introduce him to their kinky dynamic and invite him to explore his own sexual interests with them.

Written/finished for WIP Big Bang 2021. Banner and chapter headers by Tarvera.

Evenly Matched by alocalband

(sterek, mature, 3.1k)

Stiles gets turned into a fox. Somehow this impacts Derek's life just as much as his own. (post 3b)

choke me like you hate me, but you love me by ash_mcj

(sterek, explicit, 8.7k)

“How long do you think I have to live?” Stiles whispered urgently.

“Ten,” Derek’s voice said, his voice lethally composed.

Stiles jumped and turned to see him standing at the top of the spiral staircase. “Ten what?”

“Nine,” Derek replied.

“You should probably run,” Erica advised.

[or: Stiles scratches Derek's Camaro and it leads to an impromptu run for his life through the Preserve - but it ends with him pinned to Derek's mattress, so Stiles calls it a win]

(Teen Wolf Bingo Square: Beta Shift Sex)

To Feel Your Heart as It's Keeping Mine by Vendelin

(sterek, teen and up, 8.5k)

Stiles and Derek have been dating for four months, when Derek gets in an accident and loses all his memories from the past year and a half. Now, he’s once again the Derek Stiles used to despise, and even worse, Derek thinks that he still hates Stiles’ guts.

I've Got it Bad, Got it Bad, Got it Bad by RedRidingStiles

(sterek, mature, 47k)

“Woah are those real?” Stiles found himself saying as he reached out and squeezed the man’s (it was a man and not a brick wall Stiles’ brain supplies) bicep which was bulging under the guy’s shirt. Stiles hasn’t even looked at the man’s face too preoccupied gasping at the tone muscles in front of him.

“Something tells me you’re the infamous Stiles.”

“Stiles, yes that’s my name, well it’s not really my name that’s too hard for anyone to pronounce so it’s just Stiles. Or you know, some colorful names the lower IQs of this place like to make up. But Stiles, you can call me Stiles.” Stiles rambles on, watching the man try to suppress a grin and failing. He has a gorgeous smile that made his bunny teeth present and his eyes crinkle and Stiles thinks he might be a little bit in love.

“Nice to meet you Stiles, why don’t you take a seat.” The man, Stiles doesn’t even know his name and he’s already starting to plan their wedding, says with a nod to the already full classroom. Stiles hasn’t even heard the bell ring. Huh.

“But I didn’t get your name,” Stiles replies.

“Mr. Hale, I’m your new English teacher.”

Fuck.

Words Cannot Espresso How Much You Bean to Me by isthatbloodonhisshirt

(sterek, teen and up, 68k) ⭐️

“You’re late,” Derek informed him coldly, jaw clenched. He barely even moved his mouth to speak. This guy was seriously scary.

And because Stiles was suicidal, he said, “No, I’m Stiles.”

The look he got could’ve curdled milk. Stiles even noticed that Derek’s muscles were tensing, arms bulging even more and wow this guy was scary and hot but mostly scary holy shit.

“You’re not funny,” Derek informed him coldly.

Stiles shrugged. “I think that’s a matter of opinion.” so

Bare My Soul for the Taking by anonymous

(chris/stiles, teen and up, 4k)

When Stiles Stilinski showed up on his doorstep, proof of his family's wrongdoing clear on her face, he considered slamming the door in her face.

He didn't though, and he both hated and loved his decision to let her in.

5 times stiles kissed the wrong hale and the one time he got it right by bilinskibutt

(stiles/hales [endgame sterek], teen and up, 11k)

The titles says it all.

5 times Stiles kisses the wrong Hale, and the one time he gets it right.

You’re a Dream (You’re my Nightmare) by emsmittens

(steter, teen and up, 5.7k)

Nightmares were no fun things and Stiles knew that personally. After the nogitsune, the spark believed that he would only have normal, human nightmares for the rest of his life.

That wasn't the case. Now he had to go to the one werewolf he didn't know if he trusted: Peter.

Written in Red by gryvon

(steter, mature, 5.4k) ⭐️

Peter had given up hope of ever finding his soulmate until the red string on his finger leads him to a four-year-old. He's going to Hell. Or jail. Or both.

Exemplary Behavior by Triangulum

(steter, teen and up, 2.1k)

“Dude,” Stiles hisses, kicking Scott in the shin, as if they both aren’t watching the scene unfold in front of them. “That’s Peter Hale!”

“Peter?” Scott asks, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Peter,” Stiles hisses. “The one who killed those people like six years ago! God, he’s hot.” Stiles cranes his neck to get a better view of Peter’s face. Peter glances over their way with a smirk, winking at Stiles, before turning back to Derek.

“He’s a serial killer!” Scott hisses.

“...Think he takes requests?”

“Stiles!”

Derek's shady uncle gets out of prison.

life's for the living by pprfaith

(stetopher, teen and up, 21k) ⭐️

Chris doesn’t know what to do.

Considering the life he’s lived, it’s certainly not the first time he’s felt that way, but that doesn’t help him one lick right now because he absolutely does not have the first fucking clue what to do.

He shoots a look into the passenger side footwell of his truck and hopes for inspiration.

Or: Chris saves a baby werewolf and tries desperately not to move on. One of these things is doomed to fail.

Secrets by allfandoms93

(sterek, explicit, 37k)

Stiles is just a high school junior crushing on the senior Derek Hale. But they're both keeping secrets.

Just You and Me by Triangulum

(steter, mature, 2.5k)

Stiles is less than amused. College was supposed to be a mix of frantic studying, taking 8:00 a.m. classes and regretting it, and driving back to Beacon Hills every other weekend to see his dad and Peter. He was supposed to be pulling all-nighters fueled on candy and energy drinks, making new friends, and flying through his prerequisites as fast as humanly possible. He'd planned for that, he'd been ready.

He hadn't been ready for Peter to dump him.

From TFLN, "FYI telling a guy you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj is NOT a compliment"

This Is Going To Be A Three 'Dude' Conversation by Dusk

(stanny, mature, 1.8k)

"Dude," Jackson said, and Danny stopped what he was doing, because when Jackson started sentences with 'dude', he was either about to share something deeply personal or about to try and get them expelled for excessive pussy jokes, and Danny had problems with both of those options.

You Taste Like Glitter by dizzzylu

(stanny, teen and up, 4.2k)

There was a time in Danny's life when he'd have sworn he had better things to do than sit in a club and check out the latest guy his ex is trying to hook up with. That is not the case tonight.

(written for the prompt: Danny sees Stiles at a gay bar and asks him to dance to make his ex jealous, only things get a little out of hand when he realizes Stiles is really into it and is not so straight as Danny thoughtat the Everybody Loves Danny Fanworks Fest)

Give to me your leather by decideophobia

(sterek, teen and up, 6.4k)

“I didn’t drive the car,” Derek answers with a faint smirk. Stiles is about to start ranting when Derek hands him a black helmet that’s dangling from his arm. Frowning Stiles takes the helmet and it’s only then that he notices that they’re standing next to a big black motorcycle.

bigger, longer and uncut by drunktuesdays

(sterek, explicit, 4.9k)

Derek walks away, because he’s learned that sometimes he’s never going to be able to join in on the joke, and this conversation is just making him have more questions. Like, why is Stiles so obsessed? Is he grossed out by uncut cocks or does he like them? Is Stiles cut? His face starts heating up the way it always does when he starts thinking about Stiles like that and he ducks into the shower, manfully ignoring the new round of laughter from downstairs.

weak knees and sweaty palms by kim47

(stanny, teen and up, 3.3k) ⭐️

Okay, so it's possible Stiles has never been on a real date. One where both parties were aware of and agreeable to the fact.

It's also possible he's a little nervous.

Roadside Assistance by autoschediastic

(sciles, explicit, 3.7k)

"Ow, okay, what part of ow are you not getting? God, is this how you cuddle?"

"I'm not trying to cuddle you," Scott says, rooting determinedly around. "I'm trying to keep you warm."

Stiles gives him a long look. A really, really long one, because sometimes Scott needs the time to chug his way around to a conclusion.

"Oh," he says.

Begin As You Mean to Go on by tryslora

(stiles/derek/jackson, teen and up, 2.6k)

Jackson should be glad to be back in Beacon Hills. Yeah, he's still dealing with the aftermath of his breakup, but the pack is back together (even some he didn't think would be possible to be there). He's surrounded by pack (are they really his) and has a place to stay (with Derek & Stiles, who are Together). But he's also touch-starved and feeling like he's just one extra person that's not really needed. Listening to Derek and Stiles, and dealing with Stiles's innuendo, isn't helping anything. Because they don't mean it, right?

The Mending That You Need by torakowalski

(sterek, explicit, 3.8k)

“He’s not my boyfriend, Stiles. He’s a man from a club. I couldn’t call him, if I wanted to.”

#stetopher #sterek #steter #stargent #chris/stiles #stanny #sciles #scott/stiles #derek/stiles/jackson #teen wolf #fic recs #teen wolf fic

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sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years

Text

The General (part 10): Geto Suguru x Fem!Reader

synopsis: this is it. this is what the end looks like.

wc: 1.5k

tw: none

a/n: WOW. This is the end. We’ve come a long way in... ten days! IT REALLY FEELS LIKE IT’S BEEN WEEKS. This is the end of Lady y/n’s and Geto’s journey... It has been SUCH a pleasure writing for you all.

masterlist

Three children come tumbling out of the carriage, tripping over themselves to be the first to dart past your mother and father to hug you. You look upon the faces of Nobara, Junpei, and Yuji with astonishment; the tears leaking from your eyes are not ones of sadness any longer. Giggles and kisses and hugs are exchanged between you all as you stoop down to greet the overexcited bundles of joy.

You look up just as Gojo and Nanami are exiting the carriage, eyes on the children with gentle smiles. Your father instantly recognizes Gojo, and holds his hands up in celebration.

“Welcome back, Gojo-kun!” Gojo begins to chatter with your father and the three children descend on Megumi, who looks helpless as they ask him too many questions to keep up with. Haibara appears seconds later, flanked by Yuta, and they greet you and Kaori with a fondness you relax into, their faces blending back into the bright paintings of your memory. It was all beautiful - Nanami, Haibara, Yu, Yuta, the children… but everyone knows that one person is missing from the environment.

“Gojo, whe--” Just as you turn to Gojo to interrogate him about Geto’s whereabouts, a large shadow passes over the sun, blocking your eyesight for a moment. When your vision returns, you watch an enormous golden dragon descend from the sky. It’s scales shimmer in the sunlight and toss reflections of rainbows around, almost blinding you to the man sliding off of it’s back.

When you see the General, it’s as if there had been a dam in your heart. The flood of emotions overwhelms your body, and you can only stand among your family and friends in shock as he approaches you, dressed in illustrious fabrics and smiling like the world was his.

“Y/n,” he whispers as everyone watches your reunion. The entire thing was too beautiful - too sweet. When he envelops you in a deep hug, you feel the weight of the world transfer over to his shoulders and ease your burden. You were no longer alone. The tears you shed fade into the silk of his purple haori, and you’re enveloped by the sweet words and tender forehead kisses of your lover.

“I thought you were dead…” you murmur into his chest, and Geto shakes his head, his hair tickling your face. You look into his onyx eyes and ask the obvious question without speaking, and his hand comes up to cup your chin.

“Let me tell you the tale over dinner, my love. It is a story that requires some nourishment.”

“Yeah, because I’m starving!” Gojo announces behind you, much to the chagrin of Kaori, who rolls her eyes at the outburst, despite there being a small smile painted onto her face.

_______________________________________________________________________

“It wasn’t an easy battle,” Gojo begins, shoving a piece of sushi into his mouth. “First of all, we were outmanned four to one. Then, when we were pushed back to the base of the mountain,” he continues, mouth full of food. “It’s like we don’t have anywhere to go but up. And that meant a slow, freezing death for a lot of soldiers.”

“They took their charge seriously,” Haibara interrupts, attempting to preserve their honor. “Their sacrifices weren’t in vain.” Yuta nods, hanging his head a little as he consumes the bowl of soup silently.

“But Prince Geto here tried one last trick that very nearly got him killed,” Gojo growls, pointing his chopsticks at Geto, who is watching his friends animate the tale of their escape and not saying a word. “Releasing all of those curses at once,” the white haired man mutters, stabbing a fish eye with determination. “That almost cost us our General.”

“You what…?” you look over at Geto, who is chickling softly.

“I released quite a few of my curses to attempt to overwhelm my younger brother, Naoya. He did quite well fending them off, but by the time he was finished, Gojo and Haibara had escaped with a little under half of our forces. I lost my way up the mountain and was sustaining a pretty large gash from the fight… but that’s when Mei Mei and Utahime found me.”

“Mei Mei? Utahime?” Kaori questions, but Gojo pats her hand, trying his best to soothe her.

“Listen, they were mountain women. Healers, really.”

“In any case, they healed me, but it took about a month before I could recover from my wounds. By that time, the Court had already pronounced me dead. However, Gojo and Haibara weren’t too far from the Imperial Palace, intent on cutting down my younger brothers and my father.”

“Your father did put up a nice, long fight,” Yuta murmurs, still not making eye contact with anyone at the table. “But it’s never enough, is it?”

A tiny hand sneaks it’s way from the bottom of the table, patting around the wood for something beside your mother’s elbow. It seems that only you notice it, but your mother looks over and notices the hand, takes a piece of fish from the spread, and hands it to the gremlin beneath the table. The hand slinks back to where it came from, disappearing beneath the wood as Gojo rambles about his trek up the stairs to the Palace doors, and how Yuta had already wounded the Emperor by the time they arrived.

“I just think it’s interesting how…” That meant Gojo did not find anything about that interaction interesting.

You look over to Suguru and place your hand on his underneath the table. He looks back at you and grins widely, gripping your fingers tightly as he leans over to whisper in your ear.

“I told you I’d come back for you. All you needed to do was wait.”

“But how did you make it back to Palace, Geto?” your father asks, frowning. Geto’s eyes look up at the group’s collective gaze.

“I made it down the mountain with ease, and rode my rainbow dragon curse all the way there.”

“How long did that take?” Toji wonders, and your mother is holding her hand over mouth, obviously trying not to laugh as another small hand appears next to Toji’s elbow.

“A day.” Toji hands the little fingers a rice ball from his plate without bothering to look, and it disappears just as quickly as it appeared beneath the table. “It was the longest day of my life.”

“And you made it back just in time to save me from a pretty nasty fate,” Yuta laughs.

“Basically, Geto promised to not wipe the whole Imperial Court out if his father would reinstate him as the eldest son, give him his birthright, and…” Gojo thinks, tilting his head back to find the final piece of the puzzle.

“And give him control over the villages he had acquired.” Nanami finishes for him, surreptitiously sliding a piece of tonkatsu underneath the table, and Gojo snaps his fingers in response to the addition.

“Right, that. So, the Emperor said ‘yes’ because it was either that or die, and then we had the camp join us in the compounds surrounding the Imperial Palace. Geto was crowned Prince pretty quickly after that, and then presented to all of the villages one by one as the next in line for the throne. And here we are,” Gojo pauses, frowning suddenly. “Can someone tell me why I feel little fingers on my legs?”

Children snickering echoes from underneath the table, and you try to hold in a laugh, pressing your lips together tightly and feeling little fingers pat your feet, then slide up to pat the table beside you in search of another morsel of food.

_______________________________________________________________________

The night comes quicker than you expected, and you find yourself standing in front of the moonlit window, held from behind by Suguru. He’s littering kisses down your neck and you’re relishing in his touch, your skin feeling like it hadn’t been caressed in ages.

“You’re even more beautiful than I dreamed you would be,” he breathes into your ear, and you shudder, leaning back into him even more. “I spent so long thinking about your face...” He presses a kiss to your cheek. “... your soft body...” His hands drift over your hips. “...the way you feel pressed against me like this.” You smile at his words, and he turns your face to him, blinking slowly. “I fought heaven and hell to come back to you.”

“I’m glad you did,” you whisper before pressing your lips to his, feeling your mouth part almost instantly. Suguru grips your hips and turns you to face him, pulling you closer than you thought possible. You slowly follow him to the bed, still connected by the lips, and when he sits back on it you follow, straddling his half-clothed figure in the moonlight.

“I’ll have to make up for the time we lost,” he murmurs, nipping at your bottom lip tenderly.

“That’s three long months, my Gen- I mean, my Prince.” Suguru laughs at his new title, mouth latching onto yours again as he unties the fabric at your waist and pulls the shoulders of your kimono aside.

“I’ll make it up to you for the rest of my life,” he speaks against your neck, sucking hard at the skin there. “That is... if you’ll let me, Lady y/n.”

“It’s actually Princess y/n, now,” you correct him, and he breaks out into a wide smile, his right eyebrow twitching up.

“Is that so?” He searches your eyes for any falsehood, and you grin sheepishly, pressing yourself against his chest.

“If you’ll let me, my love.” Suguru huffs out a laugh, and pulls you under the sheets with him in the midnight hour.

_______________________________________________________________________

TAGLIST: @kamisamaundercover @jotazinha @just4readingfics @mxhi @sammytamaki @brownskinnedgirll @keelyshayee @leanne-tamashi @vabybizzle @amaris9 @fuegy-fuegy @ambiguous-something @honoredsatoru

did I hear that the General is getting an epilogue?

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tearsofgrace · 4 years

Text

I Love Led Zeppelin

written for suptober 2020 day 11: rock and roll

word count: 3.1k tags: so much zeppelin, HAPPY ENDING, that’s right i wrote happy shit, angst, fluff, love confessions

also on archive!

“I want to know why you chose them,” Cas said petulantly.

Dean turned onto the highway and glanced at Cas. “I told you. They’re just the best Zepp songs.”

Cas just stared at him. And Dean stared right back. The angel wasn’t winning this one. Because if he started talking, it would all become too obvious.

As if giving him a damn mixtape wasn’t already obvious, he thought. He looked away. Not because he was letting Cas win, but because he hadn’t looked at the road in a while and getting in a car crash wasn’t in the cards for today.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, man.”

“What about this one?” Cas asked, and Dean stopped listening to the music. It had been Cas’ idea to listen to the mixtape, and after getting over his shock that Cas still had it, he agreed. He loved Zeppelin, what could go wrong?

“Ten Years Gone” was playing, and he pushed back a smile. He remembered choosing this one, listening to the lyrics, knowing how perfectly it fit. Robert Plant had written it for an old girlfriend who’d made him choose between music and her. And ten years later, he looked back on where he was.

It was stupid. God, he knew it was stupid. But he’d chosen it because Cas hadn’t chosen his music: Heaven. Cas had chosen them, and here they were, ten years later.

“I chose it because I like the chords,” he finally answered as the song came to an end.

“Oh,” Cas said.

The opening lines of “Ramble On” came on and Dean smiled. God, he loved Zeppelin. He and Sam didn’t listen to music enough in the car anymore. It brought back memories. The good memories from his childhood.

“Why did you add this one?” Cas sounded so serious, so sincere. And this one, this one Dean could answer. It wasn’t like some of the other songs on the tape.

“Kinda loved the Lord of the Rings imagery, but if you tell Sam you’re dead.” Cas laughed softly and Dean joined him. “And,” he took a breath, “I don’t know, it’s kinda like us, right? Like we have to keep going, no matter what evils we’re facing.”

“I like it,” Cas said quietly.

Dean reached over and turned it up, singing along dramatically because he knew Cas would get a kick out of it. Sam would have called him annoying, but not Cas. His friendship (friendship? That what you want Dean?) was so different with Cas.

When the song ended, and “Whole Lotta Love” came on, he almost reached over to shut it off. A blush rose in his cheeks as he remembered picking this one, confident Cas wouldn’t know what it was talking about, confident he’d never have to confront Cas about it. He remembered recording it, his mind drifting to Cas even as he tried to stop it.

He was lifting his hand to the skip button when Cas covered his hand and pushed it back to the seat. Dean hated how much he wished Cas’ hand would just stay there. But it didn’t. It never did.

“I wondered about this one,” Cas said thoughtfully. Dean gulped, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. “It’s very,” Cas paused, and he could feel his eyes boring into the side of his head. He was sure his cheeks were flaming. “Very aggressive,” he finally finished.

“Yeah, I guess it is.” He let his eyes flick quickly to Cas and immediately regretted it. He looked so innocent, so clueless, but Dean could see the slight smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. “C’mon, man it’s a great song,” he said, gluing his eyes back to the road.

“I thoroughly enjoy it.”

Dean gulped again, pictured Cas listening to it, hearing the lyrics. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and kept his lips firmly closed until the next song started.

The opening guitar line of “Stairway to Heaven” played and he immediately relaxed.

“Sam said you shouldn’t have picked this one. He said it was too overplayed,” Cas said before they were even thirty seconds into the song. And Dean almost ran them off the road right then.

“Sam knows about-” he cut himself off. No, that was too obvious. “Uh, why’d Sam say that?”

“I was listening to the song. And I told him you gave me a mixtape with your favorite Led Zeppelin songs and told him which song I was listening to. He said it isn’t even their best song.”

Shit. There wasn’t a chance in hell Sam didn’t know what giving someone a damn mixtape meant. At least Cas had been listening to “Stairway” but still. Dammit.

“He’s right,” he said, trying to control his voice. “It’s not their very best, but c’mon it’s a classic. I couldn’t just not add it. You have to admit, it’s a good song.”

“It’s my favorite on the tape,” Cas said.

Dean snorted. Of course it was. He wasn’t going to fault Cas for it, though. It was an amazing song. They let the song play out in silence, and Dean let himself let go. Just let it roll over him, let Cas’ presence steady him.

Next came “Kashmir,” which was another easy answer. It was a classic. But Dean always saw it as more than that. It was about the journey, not the destination, reaching for some distant horizon. That’s how he thought of his time with Cas. He got to enjoy the journey, even if they would never really reach the end, not the end he wanted anyway. It was gonna end bloody. One or both of them dead.

When “Going to California” started Dean smiled and went soft. John used to play this one after a really long hunt, and Dean hadn’t even learned the lyrics for years. He just loved the way it felt, the way everything weaved together and created a very specific feeling in him every time.

“I love this one,” Cas said quietly, as if to preserve the moment. “I like to think we can all get a fresh start.”

“Me too,” Dean answered. A fresh start. They’d had so many… way more than their fair share. But they still got more, still gave each other more, over and over. He didn’t know why Cas was even still with them, why he hadn’t turned tail and run ages ago. But he was glad for it.

“Black Dog” and “Travelling Riverside Blues” were next. He told Cas they were classics. Didn’t tell him that both of them were his mom’s favorites. Both of them were part of the reason she fell in love with John. Both of them made him think that maybe he could have something like that, even when he knew it wasn’t possible.

There were only a few songs left. And if Cas hadn’t figured it out already, these would make it painfully obvious that he chose these songs very specifically. That he chose them for Cas.

“Tangerine” started and he smiled. He loved how slow this one started, how sweet it was. He would never admit it out loud, but it was right up there with “Ramble On” and “Travelling Riverside Blues” for his favorite song.

He almost didn’t add it. Because it was so obvious. But also because it just wasn’t him and Cas. They would never have that sweet, innocent new love. There was so much baggage between them, so much to wade through before even finding a hint of love. But Dean knew it was there. If only brotherly on Cas’ side, it was there. And this song, this reminiscing on a sweet, beautiful relationship, it’s what he wanted with Cas. So sue him if he added it to the list.

“There’s a lot of love songs on this mixtape,” Cas noted. Dean glanced at him sharply, trying to gauge what he really meant. But with Cas, he always just said what he meant. There was very rarely a double meaning, a hint at something that wasn’t there.

“Yeah, there is,” he agreed, his breathing shallow. “Zeppelin has a lot of ‘em.” It wasn’t a lie… but Zepp also had plenty of non-love songs.

He almost sighed audibly when “Good Times Bad Times” came on next.

Cas didn’t have to ask at this point. He just stared at Dean until he answered the unspoken question.

“Chose this one cuz it’s our lives, ya know?” Dean ran his hands over the leather and glanced at the mile marker; they were just a few miles away from the town. Maybe they wouldn’t even make it to the end of the tape. “I mean, it’s mostly shit. But we have good times too.”

“We do,” Cas agreed seriously. And Dean allowed himself a small smile. He hated himself for loving that Cas had already listened to this start to finish multiple times, had kept it through multiple apocalypses, actually cared that Dean had taken the time to put it together. Because it didn’t mean the same thing to Cas. He wanted it to. But it didn’t.

There were only three songs left. They were as blindingly transparent as he could possibly be. And the fact they were on a homemade mixtape only added to it. But Cas… Cas wouldn’t understand.

“Fool in the Rain” was the beginning of the end. It wasn’t like it was one of Zepp’s most famous songs, but Dean had always loved it. It sounded almost idiotic on the surface, a lover waiting on the wrong block in the rain. But Dean had always seen it as more than that. Maybe he was being too deep… but, for one, there wasn’t anything in the song that suggested it was a man and a woman. And as a kid, he’d liked that. He liked to let it be whoever he wanted, let it represent whatever he needed. He wouldn’t get caught dead telling anyone else he’d even noticed that, but he’d always love the song because of that.

As he’d gotten older, he grew to love it even more. To him, it sounded like one sided love. Like someone who was waiting desperately for a sign that they would ever be loved back. But they were looking in the wrong place and they wouldn’t ever find it. As Robert Plant sang “My heart it sinks to the ground/And the storm that I thought would blow over/Clouds the light of the love that I found,” Dean resisted the urge to say something, to tell Cas, This is me. This is me because I’ll never have you.

“Why this one?” Cas prompted.

Dean cleared his throat. “Listen to his voice, dude. It’s amazing.”

He risked another glance at Cas, saw his eyes narrow and his head tilt, and knew he wasn’t satisfied with that answer. But it wasn’t like he could tell him the truth.

There were only two songs left. Two Dean had wanted to put on so badly that he couldn’t resist, no matter how obvious they were. He kept telling himself Cas wouldn’t even care enough to listen, much less to listen closely. Obviously that hadn’t worked.

Before he could turn off the music, claiming they were only five minutes out anyway, the soft vocal intro of “What Is and What Should Never Be” started.

Real smooth, Winchester, he thought. Putting a song about forbidden romance on a mixtape for your best friend.

“I understand this one,” Cas said.

Dean blinked and focused on the road, searching for the sign that would take them to the motel.

“You what?”

“I understand it. I don’t understand why you included it, but I understand it. Sometimes love just isn’t meant to be. Sometimes it isn’t possible, no matter how beautiful, how perfect it is.”

Dean nodded slowly. Was there someone in Cas’ past life he didn’t know about? Or even worse, someone he knew right now?

He didn’t respond to Cas. He didn’t know what to say.

They pulled into the motel as the final note played and Dean turned off the car, shutting off the music with it.

“What about the last song?” Cas asked.

Dean’s heart rate picked up and he felt his ears burning hot. He’d put it last. Maybe in hope that Cas wouldn’t get to it, or maybe because it perfectly closed what he was trying to say. What he felt.

“We, um,” he took a deep breath and let it out. “We have to check in, buddy, it’s late.”

“I want to listen to it, Dean,” Cas said, fixing him with those intense blue eyes. And really, no one could say no to that.

Dean restarted the car, trying to let the pleasant hum of Baby’s motor calm him down.

If the sun refused to shine I would still be loving you

The opening lines played through the speakers and Dean stopped himself from cursing loudly. He was fucked. He couldn’t sit in this car, with Cas, and pretend like this meant nothing. Like this was just another song that he really liked.

When mountains crumble to the sea There will still be you and me

He tried not to let his mind drift. Tried to ignore how silent Cas had gone. Tried not to think of those words the angel had spoken in the bunker so long ago. “Everyone you know, everyone you love... they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I'm the one who will have to watch you murder the world. So if there's even a small chance that we can save you, I won't let you walk out of this room.” Cas would have stayed with him, even while he burned the world to the ground under the influence of the mark.

Dean took a deep breath and anxiously ran a hand through his hair.

Kind woman, I give you my all Kind woman, nothing more.

Cas shifted slightly next to him, but he didn’t dare look up.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain Tears of loves lost in the days gone by My love is strong, with you there is no wrong Together we shall go until we die My, my, my inspiration is what you are to me Inspiration look, see

So much pain. There was so much pain between them. It swirled and came to life whenever they spoke. But it didn’t matter, because Dean was never leaving Cas. He knew that now. He couldn’t do it without him.

As the guitar interlude played, he tried to calm down. To fight the panic climbing in his throat. This whole thing had been a bad idea. He should have never made the damn tape in the first place. His breathing slowed a little when the vocals came back. He could do this.

And so today, my world it smiles Your hand in mine, we walk the miles Thanks to you it will be done For you to me are the only one Happiness, no more be sad Happiness, I'm glad

The image was so clear in his mind. Him and Cas walked down an asphalt road, hand in hand, the sun in front of them and their troubles behind them. He would never have it, but it didn’t matter. He still owed Cas all his happiness, owed him his life, owed him everything. And he still never said thank you.

If the sun refused to shine I would still be loving you Mountains crumble to the sea There will still be you and me

Dean took a deep breath and looked at Cas. There was still almost a minute of instrumental in the song. It would be so easy, just to say that he liked the song. Or that it reminded him of someone. Or that he thought Cas would enjoy the sound of it.

Then Cas spoke, and he realized the angel’s eyes were wide and his lips were turned up in a smile. “Dean, please don’t lie to me. Why this one?”

He didn’t answer at first. He knew Cas would wait, and he did. They listened to the end of the song, and then the car went quiet. Dean turned the engine off and fiddled with the keys in his lap before looking back into Cas’ eyes.

“I guess,” he breathed in. He could do this. Why not? He couldn’t fuck things up with Cas more than he already had. He’d beaten him, nearly killed him, left him when he was vulnerable, yelled at him, taken him for granted. And yet, here he was. Right by Dean’s side, fighting to save the world again. “I guess I’m trying to say thank you, Cas. For sticking with us.”

Cas’ smile grew just a little, almost showing his teeth, and he held Dean’s eyes, as if waiting for him to go on. And Dean was going to leave it there, he really was. But for some reason, maybe the safety of Baby, maybe the soft way Cas was watching him, maybe the quiet begging to be filled, he went on. “I don’t want you to leave again. I don’t want to leave you. If we- If we beat God, then I still want you to stay. We take you for granted- I take you for granted. I know that. But I just- I want you here. I need you here.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” he said quietly, reaching for the door handle.

“Dean,” Cas said firmly. Dean paused and looked up, his heart pounding heavily in his chest. “I love you.”

His eyes widened and his thoughts swirled. He was dreaming, he had to be dreaming. Or this was a trick, someone was possessing Cas, someone was hurting him, someone was-

“It’s me, Dean.” And everything else melted away. It was Cas sitting next to him. Cas who had just spent an hour listening to Led Zeppelin with him. Cas who wasn’t leaving. Cas who had told him he loved him.

“I love you too,” he said. And it didn’t matter that Cas had just told him he loved him. Didn’t matter that Cas made him feel so safe. Didn’t matter that in spite of everything--all his doubts, all his fuckups, all his anger--he actually believed Cas wasn’t lying. He was still terrified.

Then Cas leaned across the seat and pressed their lips together, and he stopped thinking. He kissed him back gently, reveling in the taste, the softness, the electricity.

When they pulled away, he laughed softly and grinned sheepishly at the angel. Then he ejected the tape from the car and handed it to him before pressing another kiss against his lips. There were a million things he wanted to say, to explain, but there was only really one that fit.

“Thank you.”

tag list {ask to be added or removed!}:

@fandomstuff67 @menjiiii @witchyanaels @starlightcastiel @chaoticdean @larryforeveralways @samhainsam @ghostsforcas @tlakhtwritesdestiel @wanderingcas @hallowena @spooky-things-do-happen-dean @jayus-fandom-writer @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @starrynightdeancas @radiantdean @piemaker-from-gallifrey @on-a-bender @eshaninjer

#suptober20 #these are the songs on the mixtape don't fight me #long post #destiel fluff #happy ending #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #spn fan fiction #destiel fanfic #deancas fic #destiel fic #destiel ficlet #my writing

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rosethornewrites · 3 years

Text

Fic: 手下留情

Relationship: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian

Additional Tags: Introspection, Grief/Mourning, Gossip, Anger, Getting Together, Conversations, Chief Cultivator Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén in Seclusion, Cultivation Sect Politics

Summary: Wei Wuxian had been back in the Cloud Recesses a week when he first heard the gossip. He was only somewhat surprised—if any rule was going to be broken, that one would be first anywhere. The cultivation world loved gossip, and even if the Lan sect was founded by a monk, his descendants weren’t all ascetics by any definition despite their airs.

Notes: The title is an idiom that often means “do not judge me too harshly.” Initially I imagined this fic would be Lan Xichen-centric from Wei Wuxian’s perspective, but it went in a different direction. I’m not unhappy with it.

AO3 link

-----------

Wei Wuxian had been back in the Cloud Recesses a week when he first heard the gossip.

He was only somewhat surprised—if any rule was going to be broken, that one would be first anywhere. The cultivation world loved gossip, and even if the Lan sect was founded by a monk, his descendants weren’t all ascetics by any definition despite their airs.

The surprise was in the content: that Zewu-Jun’s seclusion was bitterly scorned by the Lan elders and Lan Qiren in particular, that his mourning was seen as distasteful.

In particular, that it had been compared to Lan Zhan’s mourning of him, something still seen as distasteful.

He wanted to rail at all of them for their audacity but knew it would change nothing.

It had taken him most of the afternoon, several hours amongst the bunnies, to calm down.

He still wasn’t calm when Lan Zhan found him, and his zhiji could see right through his smile, his gaze immediately questioning the reason for his upset.

“Ah, Lan Zhan. I just didn’t know they disdained your right to grieve,” he finally said, letting the smile fall away when it was clearly ineffective.

Tension immediately made Lan Zhan’s stance almost taut, like a bow.

Wei Wuxian didn’t know what to say, but that had never stopped him before. Rambling allowed him to make his point more often than not.

“Would they decry Lan An for returning to the temple?” he mused. “If it happened today, would they quote that rule, ‘Do not grieve in excess,’ like it has any meaning at all? He became a monk the rest of his life, after all.”

He watched as Lan Zhan carefully folded himself to sit nearby amongst the bunnies, but barely paused.

“Honestly, who decides what ‘excess’ is? Who gets the right to arbitrarily decide someone else’s grieving is enough? Someone whose only claim to fame is living longer? It’s mind-boggling, Lan Zhan.”

Lan Zhan made no reply, except to manifest his guqin and begin playing ‘Clarity’—the real one, not the twisted one Wei Wuxian had seen in Chifeng-Zun’s memories during ‘Empathy’—as though it could help settle his turmoil.

He kind of hated that it worked.

Wei Wuxian let the music fill the air, taking the place of his words for a few minutes, letting it settle him because he knew it would please Lan Zhan.

“They say you grieved over a decade for a heretic, for someone unworthy of mourning, a scourge whose death was a relief, wearing only white all that time, and that Zewu-Jun does the same.”

It was nothing he hadn’t heard before about himself. That it was used to disparage Lan Zhan he could not abide. That the same description was applied to Jin Guangyao, a villain of the cultivation world’s own creation, their biases and hideous pride twisted into a creature whose instincts at self-preservation had been learned through trauma…

The cultivation world believed the death of Meng Yao (as they had oft started to refer to him publicly, as though the corruption of the Jin hadn’t honed him) had excised the evil from themselves, when the truth was that he had just been the visible tumor—one they’d grown themselves.

Wei Wuxian didn’t know if Lan Xichen was mourning Jin Guangyao, Nie Mingjue all over again, or both. Or maybe he could see the infection spread across the cultivation world and grieved for that.

He’d long had time to come to terms with it, himself. It wasn’t that he saw himself in Meng Yao or Xue Yang, not that he understood their actions. But he understood how they had been created. He’d had his whole death to come to terms with it, even if he didn’t remember it, and a year besides.

His plan initially upon his return had been to resolve the curse and then leave it all behind.

But ultimately he couldn’t leave Lan Zhan.

A discordant note interrupted his zhiji’s playing, rippling through the air with a shiver. It resonated in the air, followed by silence.

“It is true,” Lan Zhan said into that silence. “What they say.”

Wei Wuxian had left many things unsaid between them, a knot of tension between them that neither of them had time to unravel before he’d set off with Little Apple, parting atop a foothill.

Lan Zhan had agreed to be Chief Cultivator, and the Yiling Patriarch’s presence would detract from the job he had to do. If anyone stood a chance of saving the cultivation world from itself, it was him.

And Wei Wuxian… He wasn’t quite sure the cultivation world could be saved, or that it really deserved to be. So he had set off to be among the common people, to see the light among them that cultivators were supposed to protect and nurture.

He hadn’t had the energy to try to untangle the knot. Not then.

“All those years?” he asked.

He wasn’t able to keep his voice from breaking at the idea of Lan Zhan waking up every day to that magnitude of grief. If it had been Lan Zhan who had died, he isn’t sure he could have survived it.

After all, he hadn’t survived his grief over Jiang Yanli’s death.

“I had A-Yuan,” Lan Zhan said, his voice soft. “And if I worked to make the world better, make it brighter…”

Wei Wuxian could hear the sentiment unspoken. That maybe he would come back. And it makes his initial thoughts upon his resurrection all the more painful to remember, that he wished to leave his zhiji in his grief, even unknowing.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“Between us—”

“I know. But still.”

Lan Zhan turned to him, and Wei Wuxian felt pierced by his gaze.

“I have never blamed you.”

“I know,” he said again.

He felt a bit like they were on a precipice, one he wasn’t sure he was ready to go over. Maybe it was inevitable, but right now…

“You had the right to grieve. Your brother has the right to grieve. Fuck them for criticizing either of you for it.”

Lan Zhan inclined his head in agreement. For a while they sat quietly, the bunnies hopping around them contentedly.

“You know, you’re acting sect leader. The last acting sect leader added like a thousand rules because he was pissed at one person,” Wei Wuxian said casually. “One defining excess wouldn’t be out of line, would it?”

A huff of quiet laughter told him his point had been made.

The gentle sound of the guqin rose again, this time the song Wei Wuxian still didn’t know the title to, an invitation to ask.

He took it, and the knot unraveled with a single word.

The Cloud Recesses would wake to two new rules engraved in the wall, one flawlessly carved to replace the one about not speaking to Wei Wuxian.

Do not be petty.

Do not criticize the emotions of others.

It would not stop the gossip, but despite the rage of the elders in general and Lan Qiren in particular, no fault could be found with these particular additions, aside from an insistence that the rules were themselves somehow petty.

Honestly, the blindness of old men…

They were less happy with Lan Zhan’s announcement that he was courting the Yiling Patriarch, either, which took the focus off the new rules and Zewu-Jun rather nicely.

Despite Lan Xichen’s self-imposed seclusion, Wei Wuxian made it a point to sit outside his door daily thereafter and tell him about one of the people he had met on his journey, each one having helped restore his faith that there was good in the world.

He tried not to be excessively pleased with himself when Zewu-Jun eventually opened the door.

#the untamed #mo dao zu shi #chen qing ling #cql #mdzs #wei ying #wei wuxian #lan zhan #lan wangji #untamed fanfiction #untamed fanfic #untamed fic #mdzs fanfic #mdzs fanfiction #mdzs fic #cql fanfic #cql fanfiction #cql fic #my fanfiction

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bnhayyy · 3 years

Text

The Call (6)

Chapter Title: Heartache

Wordcount: 2.8k

Fic Tag: Click

Ao3 Link: Click

Chapter Summary: Mikasa tells Annie about her past.

Notes: Alright! So this chapter is a little on the short side. The next two chapters will be as well, having originally been one super long chapter that I cut into three for the sake of themes and pacing. But on the bright side, yesterday I posted a Yumihisu one-shot that takes place between the second and third scene of chapter three, so be sure to check that out if you haven't seen it already. Once again, thank you to Celadon for betaing this chapter! And if you’re enjoying this fic, please consider joining my writing discord or buying me a ko-fi! You know, ko-fi. The thing that exists so monetized tumblr doesn't have to.

The week following the visit to the club passed by in a blur. Annie watched as Mikasa doubled down on trying to hunt Ymir, only for none of her efforts to bear fruit. For good reason. The whole time Mikasa hunted, Annie carefully walked the line of looking helpful while contributing nothing.

Her faked efforts and need to preserve the scapegoat for as long as possible canceled out Mikasa's genuine zeal.

Or maybe Ymir was just better at this than they were. The results were the same either way. It looked like they weren't going to see Ymir again until she was ready to be seen.

Krista had proven herself to be both a help and a hindrance.

Annie hadn't seen the girl since that night at the club. Art was the only class she shared with her, but a little snooping had revealed that she hadn't been to any of her other classes either. Apparently, she had been calling in sick. Although they had been able to find the apartment building she lived in, they hadn't been able to get her exact address, and Mikasa wasn't quite ready to break into every single apartment in her quest to find Ymir.

Or confirm that Krista was still alive.

Annie noticed that Mikasa's anxiety had subtly grown with every day that they didn't see Krista… just not enough to make her break the law. For her part, Annie didn't press the matter. Seeming too willing to break into someone's apartment could set off all kinds of alarms. Besides, it was good that Krista was making herself scarce. If she had decided to stick around and give Mikasa ideas about Ymir's innocence, Annie really might have had to act.

That didn't mean that she was in the clear. Even if she was staying away for the time being, the fact remained that Krista Lenz was an unknown factor in a carefully calculated equation. Ymir too, for all that her little group had been using her presence to their favor so far. They had the potential to throw everything off balance if they decided to get involved. For that reason, they had decided to crack down on as much as they could.

Getting phone taps set up was a risky, tedious, and nerve-wracking process. However, by the end of the week, the phone in Smith's office, Smith's landline, Smith's cellphone, Mikasa's phone, and even Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Armin's phones were all bugged. Annie still had to find an opportunity to get Smith's friend's phones, but she planned on taking care of it soon.

Annie didn't know what to make of those two. An overly energetic watcher and a grouchy little demon hunter, the meeting Smith called to introduce them to everyone had been dominated by the former rambling while the latter glared at anyone who dared to look at him for more than three seconds. She didn't understand how Smith would mesh with personalities like theirs. Yet watching them for a little while had made it clear that the three of them were close. Genuinely close, not like the act that she, Reiner, and Bertolt put on.

Or the lie that she was building with Mikasa.

***

Annie: Patrolling tonight?

Mikasa: Of course

Mikasa: I'll be at your place at 7

***

It was 7:15 when Mikasa arrived. Annie may not claim to know her well, but she had gotten to know the last slayer well enough over the past few weeks to know that being late was unusual for her. She raised an eyebrow when she opened the door for her, allowing it to ask her unspoken question.

"Armin was over," Mikasa said as she stepped inside.

"I see," Annie said, closing the door. "You seem... close."

No. That wasn't right. One of the first things she had learned about Mikasa was that she wasn't truly close to anyone, Armin included. Annie leaned against the door as she reconsidered her phrasing. "You seem like you could be close," she settled on.

Mikasa stiffened. She turned to face Annie, but instead of making eye contact with her, she looked down at the bag that held her slaying supplies. "Yeah," she said, voice soft, but too vague to make out any specific emotion. She clutched her bag to her chest, probably unthinkingly. If she knew that she was holding onto it like a comfort and a shield, god knew that she probably wouldn't let herself. "If things were different, we probably could be."

Annie frowned. So that was the problem, the mindset that she and Reiner had been working so hard to cure her of. (Just in time to snatch her life away from her.) "You keep him at a distance because you're the slayer," she surmised.

"No," Mikasa said, causing Annie to blink in surprise. "It's because of..."

Mikasa hesitated. At least, that was what Annie thought was happening at first. As the seconds dragged on, she saw that whatever she was thinking about seemed to be actively causing her pain.

Annie frowned and stepped away from the door. She wanted to know about Mikasa, but not if it forced the other girl to dredge up painful thoughts. Annie was already going to be enough of a shadow on her existence. If it eased her suffering a little, she was okay with the other slayer dying a mystery. "Hey," she said, "you don't have to-"

"No," Mikasa cut her off. "You deserve to know this." A shadow of resolve fell over her expression as she spoke. She clearly wasn't happy about whatever she was going to say, but that wasn't going to stop her from saying it.

Annie felt something warm flicker in her chest. Maybe it was respect. Maybe it was admiration. Whatever it was, it was helpless to change the course of events. She still acknowledged it, because there was something to be said for someone who was willing to face things that they knew would hurt them.

This feeling was probably the closest that Annie would ever come to self-sacrifice, the selfish, cowardly person that she was. But she could still allow herself to look at that light.

For as long as it was allowed to burn.

"Do you want to talk in my room?" Annie asked. If Mikasa really was about to spill her guts, then a degree of privacy was the least she could offer her. It was the only thing she could offer her.

Mikasa swallowed heavily and nodded. "Yes please."

Annie nodded and turned to lead her down the hall. The room at the very end was hers. It was small - all of their rooms were. Their organization had paid for them to rent a small house so that they didn't have to take the additional risk that would have been killing someone and occupying theirs, but they hadn't been willing to spring for anything extravagant. At least it wasn't hard to make people believe that a trio of college students could afford to rent it.

If Mikasa had any thoughts on how sparsely decorated the room was, she didn't voice them. Annie lead her over to the bed, where she sat down on one end while Annie took the other. There they sat, Annie trying not to stare too intensely at the other slayer as she waited for her to start. For her part, Mikasa was clearly trying to gather herself. She stared distantly up at the ceiling as she ran through whatever thoughts might be racing through her mind.

Finally, Mikasa shifted her gaze to Annie. "I met Armin through his best friend," she said. "A boy named Eren Yaeger."

Annie frowned. Barely anything had been said, yet she already got the sense that it was more complicated than that. The look on Mikasa's face made it impossible for her not to.

"There was a home invasion when I was fourteen," Mikasa continued. Her voice was gaining a distant quality, like she was trying not to get caught up in the memory. Based on what she was saying, Annie was all but certain that really was the case. "My parents were killed and I was abducted. Eren ran into us when they were forcing me into the car."

Mikasa paused. Her attempt to distance herself from her emotions must not have been working, because something in her gaze fractured.

Suddenly, Annie had a horrible feeling about how this story ended for Eren.

"Eren saved me," Mikasa managed. "He killed two of my abductors, and when the third arrived, he gave me the strength to kill him myself."

Mikasa had killed someone? A human being? Annie tried to keep her surprise from showing too readily. She must have failed, because Mikasa paused, fresh hesitation written across her features.

Annie gave a tiny nod. "It was understandable, given the circumstances."

"That's…" Mikasa faltered. "Eren said that they didn't count as human beings."

"I suppose he might be right." Of course, by that logic, she probably didn't either.

Mikasa nodded. Whether she was agreeing with Annie or simply recalibrating herself, she did not know. The slayer pulled herself together and continued before she had a chance to make a definitive guess either way.

"After that, it looked like things might be... Eren wrapped his scarf around me and said I could come home with him." Mikasa's expression was blank in a way that could only be forced. However, something in her eyes said that she was struggling to breathe. "That was when the vampire showed up. I didn't know that I was the slayer yet or understand what that meant. But I think he knew, somehow, and wanted to kill me before I could become a problem. It was me he was after. But he was harder to fight than a human, and I was scared, and Eren... he wouldn't let him take me without a fight."

For half a second, Mikasa zoned off, her gaze focusing on some point over Annie's shoulder. She snapped back to herself before Annie could figure out if she should say something. It made her wonder if she didn't want any interruptions.

No. It was more likely that she just wanted to be done with this story as soon as possible.

Annie understood the feeling.

"The vampire knocked both of us unconscious," Mikasa continued. "He must have taken the car keys off one of the dead men's corpses, because when we woke up, we were in the trunk. We tried to get out, but it was no use.

"He took us out by a cliff looking over the sea. He went for me first. Eren didn't like that. I tried to fight the vampire off and told Eren to run, but I couldn't... It wasn't..."

Mikasa started blinking as she fell silent. Annie would have been horrified to see the normally stoic slayer struggling to hold back tears if she weren't surprised that she hadn't started crying sooner.

"You were fourteen," Annie whispered. "You didn't have any training or know what you were dealing with."

Even fourteen-year-olds with years of training and who knew what they were dealing with would have a hard time against a vampire. How much had she struggled against Bertolt and Reiner when she was that age? She had been one of the best human cadets in the organization and Bertolt was far too prone to trying to go easy on her, but it was still hard. It might have been easier if she had already been called back then, but even that wouldn't have been enough to make up for the fear and ignorance if she hadn't been aware of the supernatural.

It seemed that Mikasa didn't see it that way. She shook her head and murmured, "I still had the strength of the slayer."

"Raw strength isn't everything," Annie insisted.

"Maybe not," Mikasa said. "But it should have been enough.

Her gaze drifted back to that spot over Annie's shoulder for a moment. Annie couldn't begin to try to gauge the look in her eyes, especially since it was only visible for a short moment. Her eyes switched to something far more shuttered and closed off in an instant.

"I was thrown over the cliff and into the ocean," Mikasa continued. "I thought I was going to die. And for a moment, I did."

The slayer's eyes closed as she remembered the moment, and Annie was foolishly tempted to do the same, just to acknowledge the event that allowed her to come into being.

Even if Annie herself had only become a slayer two years after Mikasa's death. She wondered, did Mikasa realize that some poor, unknown, short-lived slayer had come between them? She must have. Annie had already said that she was called in 2016 back at the meeting. The lost slayer was probably going to be one of those things that no one talked about, for those who realized that she'd even existed.

Just like Eren Yaeger.

Mikasa opened her eyes. "The cliff was by a park," she said. "Someone must have heard the commotion, because emergency services arrived and resuscitated me. But it was too late for Eren.

"Armin and I met at his funeral."

Annie felt her mouth go dry. What could she possibly say to that?

Perhaps it was a good thing that Mikasa wasn't done talking yet.

"There were holes in my story. Most of the adults brushed it off as trauma, but not him. He asked what really happened, and I was still weak and scared. I told him everything, and he... he offered to help me. I said no, but I did reach out to tell him when I killed my first vampire, because it was... it was the one that killed Eren.

"I thought that would be it for us, but he kept reaching out. Kept trying... to be my friend." Mikasa paused, the fragile expression of someone caught between hope and longing fluttering across her face before she remembered to shut it down. "And I want to. He's... Armin is good. But that's exactly why I can't let him get close. Erwin may have had a point about him knowing how to defend himself from the Supernatural, but I want him to stay as far away from this as possible. And..."

You can't see him without thinking about Eren, Annie thought.

She understood. That was exactly how she had felt about Porco in the months after Marcel died. That was how she felt when she looked at the vampires she'd been abandoned with for a while after Porco and Pieck disappeared. Armin may have been a good person, but he had also been Eren's best friend, whereas it sounded like Mikasa hadn't even known him for a day. If being around Armin was painful for Mikasa, then she could only imagine how it felt for him.

How difficult must it be to build a genuine friendship around a barrier like that?

Impossible, if you weren't even willing to try.

"...It's complicated," Mikasa finished.

"Sounds like it," Annie murmured. "But... it also sounds lonely."

This, she also understood. That understanding did not make her any less of a vile thing. It did not stop her from taking advantage of a moment of vulnerability and loneliness to draw the other slayer closer to her. Closer to her eventual doom.

"It is," Mikasa admitted. Her words were slow and measured, holding all the weight of an unbelievable, life-changing confession. "But it's... less with you around, I think."

Annie's heart did a funny thing as it tried to stop and speed up at the same time. "Is it?" she asked. The dryness in her mouth was back. She wanted to move closer to Mikasa, even though there were a million reasons why she shouldn't.

"Yeah," Mikasa said. "It's... it's nice having someone around who understands what it's like to be the slayer." Her lips twitched into a small, bittersweet, but genuine smile. Annie's eyes lingered on them. "I'm glad that I met you, Annie."

Annie swallowed heavily. "Me too," she lied. In that moment, she wished that she had never met Mikasa Ackerman. She wished that she'd never even heard of her, that she and her companions had continued with their lives utterly unaware of her existence.

She wished that she didn't have to kill her.

She wished that she didn't want to kiss her so much.

Annie shifted back, only then realizing just how close she had gotten to the other slayer, and stood up. "It's getting late," she said. "We should get patrolling, if you're still interested."

Mikasa nodded, snapping out of whatever trance had fallen between the two of them. "I am," she said.

And that was that.

Or so Annie told herself. Because although she wanted to believe that it was a fluke, that she had caught herself and would be able to continue walking her predetermined path, unwavering and unstoppable...

...In her heart of hearts, she could not deny the tension, that there was tension between them for the rest of the night.

She couldn't quite convince herself that it was gone come morning.

#mikannie #mikasa ackerman #annie leonhart #snk #attack on titan #my fic #my writing #the call

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candyredterezii · 3 years

Note

Imo the best thing abt recent hs was the album, it genuinely was so good and different from everything that had come before it, with a ton of different artists.

Old school hs and the adjacent fandom, while aggressive and cringy at times, was such a unique communal atmosphere. The fond memories people have of the fandom in its heyday are made infinitely more valuable by the fact that there will never be a phenomenon like it again.

No matter how many archivists try to preserve the flash aspects of homestuck, no matter how many interesting new properties gain a fandom, something like 2011-2014 homestuck will never happen again, and that's honestly kind of tragic to me.

Anyway sorry to ramble and reminisce in your inbox lmao, how bout them cowboys, eh?

YEAH I FEEL THIS ABOUT THEY HEYDEY YK... like it rlly is like.

damn im never gonna relive this again and i dont think anyone else like. will.

it sucks but im glad to have experienced it all like i have and have the fond memories and even if HS now is just so tainted and makes me like. upset and the new content makes me wanna kermit and just ... everything else

im glad i still have these memories that are precious to me and cant be taken from me no matter what.

but yeah man them cowboys can get it

#Anonymous #candyredask

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asterekmess · 4 years

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(I was gonna save this for tomorrow, but FUCK IT) Eyyy, still being salty over here. Pls block the tag ‘rant’ if you don’t wanna see anymore of these. Or maybe ‘anti-scott mccall’ though, tbh, I’m not sure how much fun it would be to follow me if you aren’t anti-scott mccall. I’m pretty vocal abt disliking him.

ANYWAY.

I wanna talk about the concept of Derek being a ‘creeper’ because of all his wandering around the lacrosse field, at lydia’s party, etc. And by talk about, I mean ramble about incoherently. By which I mean, please know that I’m not trying to insult or fight anybody who makes this joke or uses this concept in fic or whatever. I’m just ranting bc I love this boy and his trauma makes me sad.

ANYWAY. (This is insanely long, so I’m adding a “Read More”)

I just have a lot of feelings about people seeing Derek as a stalker/creeper because he keeps showing up at lacrosse practice and in Scott & Stiles’ rooms, etc. It gets mentioned in loads of fics (I see a lot of “Creeperwolf” which I think is supposed to be an endearment?) (And there’s lots of fics that talk about how ‘you used to be/are really creepy, following us around’ Again, not judging) (Dude it’s even a whole tag on AO3 ‘Creeper Derek Hale’) and it’s joked about a lot in fandom (the vine with the ‘every step you take’ song and the swans on the building comes to mind). I see it a lot, and dude, it hurts me.

Let’s look at Derek’s current mental state and what he’s been dealing with, going all the way back to Paige. (Or, tbh, his birth) Derek is a werewolf. He was born a werewolf, to a family of werewolves. He grew up within the supernatural world, in a whole different culture to humans (honestly, my fury at the lack of werewolf culture/history/worldbuilding is worthy of its own post. Let me know if by some ungodly chance, you actually wanna hear my thoughts on it.) and presumably the number one rule in all of werewolfdom is “Keep the Secret.” Now, Derek’s fuckin’ 14/15 (I put his birthday on Christmas, like most of fandom, and if his house burned down when he was 16, in the spring, and he was dating Kate for a while before, he would’ve dated her when he was 15, and we don’t know how long there was between paige and kate, but let’s give him a summer of mourning. So. 14ish with paige) and he starts dating this human. He’s kinda shit at keeping the secret, implying that either he’s only dated werewolves before, or she’s his first girlfriend ever (also implying that maybe some of the people on his basketball team are werewolves, bc they don’t seem to notice his weird way of talking [pack members maybe? fuck, my heart]) and he’s maybe not as careful as he should be. (More implications arise, and we begin to build our own history. If Derek was never taught not to say dumb shit like ‘i caught a scent’ then was he even in public school before freshman year? Were the Hales all homeschooled before high school to help keep the secret? How soon do wolfy abilites arise? Do they hit with puberty? Fuck, I digress.) He says some dumb shit, and Paige gets suspicious. Of course, he doesn’t know that, and he has some kind of meltdown about her eventually finding out his secret. We hear from Peter (who’s villainized, so we’re not supposed to necessarily believe what he says, but what we see in the flashback doesn’t make a huge amount of sense either so *shrug*) that he enlists Ennis to bite Paige, believing that if she is bitten she won’t spill the secret and she’ll be more inclined to accept that Derek is a werewolf. Now, she fucking dies. Paige dies in Derek’s arms because of this, and he finds out at the last second that she already knew the secret. He feels guilty enough abt getting her killed but now he’s got a whole new batch of guilt from finding out that apparently he’s so bad at keeping the secret of his ENTIRE SPECIES that she found out he was a werewolf. She could’ve exposed them all at any time. He had to be terrified. Next, he’s 15/16 and he meets a gorgeous older woman who presumably showers him in affection, and all the horrors that go with that whole situation (I don’t wanna go into detail, because obviously). But again, whether Derek tells her himself or she just knew or she finds out, whatever it is, Kate knows Derek and his family are werewolves. AND SHE KILLS THEM ALL. Derek has no clue what the fuck is going on. All he knows is he is the only link between Kate and his family, which must mean that it’s his fault she knows about them. Once again, he’s revealed the Big Secret and people Died. He and Laura bolt to NY for six years, where presumably they live in hiding thinking the Argents are coming after them to finish off the Hales. Then Laura gets sent a funky letter and goes back to Beacon Hills. Now, we have a lil more confusion (i’ve got a whole buttload of issues with the timeline, but let’s not get into that now) because he says he came looking for Laura, but later he mentions that he knew she was in Beacon Hills and was searching for...whoever burnt down their house...that whole plotline confuses the shit out of me (derek knew kate did it. he blamed All the argents, but he knew kate was involved. So why was Laura looking for the pendant. and if he didn’t tell her then why was he looking for the pendant?? And what did the pendant have to do with the deer and the spiral?? Halp.) but whatever. He shows up and finds his sister dead, the hunters arrive in town the next day, and suddenly there’s an angry alpha Attacking Humans.

We’re finally in the present. Derek has lost what little family he had left, except for a catatonic uncle. He already has two instances in his past where the worry of keeping werewolves a secret has caused deaths. And now there’s this teenager. No, actually, two teenagers. One who was bitten, and one who shouts out “You’re a werewolf!” in the middle of the preserve, instantly figuring out a centuries-old supernatural secret. Derek is fucking terrified, and things are only getting worse. This kid who got bitten? Derek follows him to see if he’s really a wolf, to find out if he knows what’s happening to him, if he believes the other teen. He finds the kid JUMPING OVER PEOPLE’S HEADS in broad daylight in front of everyone. Derek might’ve had a couple verbal giveaways but this is just ridiculous. Then, even better, the kid goes on a date on the FULL MOON with THE YOUNGEST ARGENT. There’s about a billion reasons to follow Scott to the party. It’s a FULL MOON, for one. HE’S WITH AN ARGENT for another. And of course he can’t just walk into the party. He’s fucking 22 for fuck’s sake. This is a high school party. He’d get arrested. And of course he doesn’t introduce himself to Scott beforehand. He has no way of knowing if this kid is on the Alpha’s side. He’s the Alpha’s Beta, it would make perfect sense for him to be obeying the Alpha. OR since he’s with the Argent, maybe he’s working with them. Maybe he’s a plant of some kind. a hunter pet. Laura was used as bait to catch Derek, why not Scott too? But he sees quickly that Allison has no clue what’s going on, at least with Scott, and he takes her home and steals her jacket to lure Scott into the Preserve where he can’t hurt anyone. Then, when he sees Scott get chased by the hunters, with no Alpha coming running to protect him, he decides “Alright, guess this kid’s my ally. Gotta protect him.” Yeah. He says some weird shit. But the evidence points to Derek not knowing much about bitten wolves. He tells Scott that he doesn’t know how to train a bitten wolf, but he does know how to help Scott recover memories (the memory loss appears to only happen in the early days of shifting, which lends more credibility to the possibility that born wolves don’t start shifting properly until later in life [puberty being the most likely milestone] and he therefore has experience with that, but not with the kind of control Scott needs, that he’s known his whole life). Born a werewolf, he’s never considered the bite anything other than a gift. He also just lost his entire family, so sue him for trying to find some kind of connection between them. (It honestly makes total sense for him to use the term ‘brothers’ bc he KNOWs Scott won’t understand the concept of ‘pack’ yet) So, now that’s decided to help Scott, to protect him, he goes back to the school. SURELY now that Scott knows what he is and how dangerous he is when stressed, he’ll reign himself in during lacrosse, or even just back out of it altogether. There are lives at stake here, be them human, or if Scott exposes the secret, werewolves. SURELY this kid wouldn’t put everyone in danger over a fucking game. But no. Not only does he keep flaunting his abilities, but he SHIFTS ON THE FIELD. If Stiles hadn’t Dragged Scott out of there, the entire supernatural world would be EXPOSED by this ONE KID. Derek passed Terrified about a hundred miles back. He’s gotta be fucking out of his mind with fear. I don’t blame him even a little for threatening Scott. If Scott’s not gonna do the right thing on his own, then threatening him is worth it if people don’t DIE. Then, bc Scott’s a pissy baby and goes to shout at him and be a fuckwad, and Stiles is nosey and neither of them have boundaries (I love Stiles, but fucking seriously, digging up a grave?) Derek gets ARRESTED. He pleads with this lanky teen who is brave enough to climb into the cruiser with a WEREWOLF. Who’s FRiends with a Werewolf. Who figured it out so quickly. He pleads with him to understand how dangerous this is, to stop his friend. And Stiles looks like he’s gonna, but Scott bolts bc of the wolfsbane (Which...listen if I’m being really salty, a deep bitter part of me genuinely wonders if he was that freaked out, or if he overheard Derek beg Stiles not to let Scott play, and Scott ran away from Stiles so he wouldn’t get told no, bc he wanted to play.) and by the time Stiles finds him he’s already dressed for the game. And DEREK WAS RIGHT. Scott DID lose control. He DID shift on the field. At LEAST one human saw him shift, and the coach for the other team knew something was up too. He DID expose them, and he did it further bc Jackson is suspicious now. Now, I’ve reblogged a gifset of it before, the moment when Derek shows up at the lacrosse field and finds Jackson standing in it after Scott’s run off, staring at a glove with a claw hole in it. He is watching his worst nightmare come true. Scott has exposed them and Jackson is going to figure out werewolves, just like Stiles did. He knows right that instant that people are going to die. I’ll reiterate what I said in the tags on that gifset. It’s extremely likely that Derek bit Jackson out of self-preservation. Jackson had been threatening to tell the hunters and the entire world if he didn’t get what he wanted. The safest thing to do was give Jackson the bite so that at least he would be putting himself in danger too if he exposed werewolves. He forced Jackson to have to keep the secret for himself because he knew Jackson wouldn’t do it for anyone else. (And he knew Jackson had some self-preservation, compared to Scott, and wouldn’t want to expose himself.)

Listen, I just. I just get so sad watching Derek sneaking into people’s rooms and standing on the edge of the field and showing up in the locker rooms. He’s trying to help. He’s trying to protect. He wants to be there in case Scott does something stupid (which he does, again and Again) to protect him, even after Scott REFUSED to help him stop a SERIAL KILLER because there wasn’t anything in it for him. Even after Scott fucking blackmails him by leaving him hanging on a grate with wires plugged into his side and his abuser on their way back to hurt him, he still helps him protect Allison (who watched him be tortured and did nothing. [He still has the capacity to acknowledge that it’s not her fault. That she couldn’t save him. He doesn’t blame her for it and he certainly doesn’t want her to die.]) He wants to keep his Betas safe. He stands in the parking lot waiting for them to test Lydia because he doesn’t want them to have to go through with killing her alone (and he only tries to kill her because she DOESN’T pass the test [although I admit it’s a dumb test] and because the kanima is KILLING people. More people have died and I don’t know how the fuck Derek manages to keep standing, let alone having such capacity for empathy and optimism and sarcasm after everything he’s dealt with. He’s constantly being hunted by hunters or humans, or fuck even Scott himself, since every time Scott gets upset he blames Derek for everything (I’m still fucking disgusted that he turned up at Derek’s place and accused him of murdering his own sister.) And STILL he shows up. No matter how many times he’s shoved away and ignored and yelled at. He shows up and he stands on the fringes and he waits for the chance to help.

And what’s creepy about that?

#personal #rant #Fuck i love Derek and I'm so fucking sad #i have a lot of feelings okay?#like I said #i'm not judging people who use the concept in fics or who make the jokes or whatever #i'm just talking about my own feelings #anti-scott mccall #Meta Ramblings

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sanders-sides-fic · 3 years

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Up there, too far away to hold me

I got inspired to write this by this post by @creepichan. I know it isn’t the intended purpose of that room, but, well… I hope this is still alright.

Careful, though. This is angsty. Like, really, really, really, really angsty. Now that we’ve established that, on we go:

His steps were purposeful, he wished to believe. But they were definitely hesitant, as much as he’d like to deny that one. But the matter of the fact was that he felt awkward to be here. He didn’t really feel as though this was a place he was welcome at, and he knew the reason for that far too well. So one might say his steps were cautious, but he would much rather call them meticulous.

It was early. Too early for anyone else being here. And, while that calmed him a little bit as he knew no one would see him here, that just worsened the feeling of intruding inside his gut.

He didn’t want to feel like that. He didn’t deserve to feel like that. They had done this to him, they were the ones to blame. He hadn’t deserved what they’d done to him! He should be angry, he had every right to come here and trash the place and vandalize and scream at them and demand to righten this injustice - but he actually only felt like crying. Maybe he would do the screaming bit.

He would admit, there had been a time when he’d felt angry. Furious, even. He’d used what little power their treacherous act had left him with to spite them in every way he could think of, made a point of letting them know just how much he despised them. But that had worn off quickly. Way too quickly. Not even an entire century later he’d been left with nothing but the grief.

His steps came to a halt at the end of the room, where the ridiculously long aisle opened up into a half circle on either side. In front of him was the altar, but he made a point of avoiding looking there. Too much was this like that room back home, where everything had crashed that day. The only reminder of where he was was that there was, in fact, an altar there. If only there would have been Roman’s throne. Heavens, how he longed to see Roman’s throne again.

So his eyes skipped the altar, focusing on the way the light filtered through the stained glass. The windows were just above his shoulders, forcing him to look up if he wished to see the faces of the people who had damned him like this, cast him out and chased him from his home. And why would he want to see them again? He hated them for what they’d done, just as much as they hated him.

Neither of the four figures had faces in their glass-walled mosaic portraits, he noticed. None of them. But Roman still had his crown. A golden, pointy thing amidst all the fiery red the god of passion, creativity, dreams, romance and arts was represented by. It was almost as much as he really did surround himself with, that thick-headed Roman, that rambling man with sparkling eyes. So obviously on the edge of braking into tiny pieces of self-doubt, so happy about every little compliment, so over the top in his vows of protection he’d never actually need to provide, or want to, apparently. The god may have been easy to flirt with and an endless source of friendly banter and long rants about future glory and happiness… But he was still so taken with his color. Like, seriously? Was that the only thing the god identified himself with, even over that typically fanciful symbol? Oh, he’d always scorned the overly dramatic display with that overly aggressive color.

On the left side, light up by the raising sun as well, the god of family, love, morals, and empathy was represented in his soft blue and beige hues. Ha! As if love or “family” had meant a lot to Patton that day. As if any empathy had been shown that moment when the god had stabbed him in the back. As if it was morally justifiable what he’d suggested that day. Gone where the war hugs and the easy, stupid jokes he’d cracked out of the blue. Forgotten all the warm evenings in the coldest winters. No more overly sweet chocolate chip cookies or hot chocolate or even just empty promises of forever. Not that he’d want any of that anymore, and it wasn’t as though he’d ever believed those promises were real anyways. Out of all of them, he may very well resented Patton the most.

He turned on his heels, almost thinking about leaving. But really he just wanted to see the other two windows. The two he could still see in the morning, but that weren’t light up form the outside yet, patterns made visible rather by the candles surrounding him in this room. Opposite of Patton was the god of logic, wisdom, knowledge, debate, intelligence, calmness. He didn’t officially represent all of that, but looking at the dark blue and black glass shreds that made him, as the picture held a book in such an unmistakable manor, that was what came to mind. Endless debates, the only clam voice in an outrage of different emotions, the smartest person he knew, the capability to logic his way out of any and all things thrown his way, facts delivered with such certainty no one would dare to question them. And those memories had no right to be so vivid in his head right now. Much rather he would focus on the icy look on the god’s face when he’d almost begged them to reconsider.

And Virgil. Right opposite to Roman was Virgil. God of fear, of fight, of protection, and storms. They’d always had a funny relationship, the two of them. Protection and self-preservation went hand-in-hand, after all. Lies and fear, however, not so much. Still, long nights and exasperation about the other’s cluelessness had bound them together. Sweet lies calming the god had brought them together. Days of fighting what couldn’t be denied anymore had brought them together. Centuries after centuries of being outcasts because of their jobs had bound them together. There hadn’t been trust that could have been broken that day. There had, though, been a fragile kind of love. The kind of love that was like a bridge made of ice, too thin to walk on confidently. The kind of love you would do anything to preserve because you knew you’d loose it for good if you didn’t. The kind of love that, in that moment it shattered, had turned into a thousand sharp edges pricing through his heart and tearing apart his soul, never melting completely in the cold their absence had left in him and therefor never letting the wounds heal. And he was proud to say that every bit of mistrusting hatred the god had shown him in just one sneer was absolutely mutual.

It was a warm day today. Disgustingly warm for his taste. He didn’t like the cold much, but such a warm day in February was just uncalled for, especially since it was only the third. And with the cold feelings bubbling inside his chest, he really, really didn’t want the day to be warm. It just felt so wrong. Why could Virgil just give him that at least?

He took a deep, shaky breath. “Hi.”, he said, ignoring the way his voice echoed through the empty chapel. He glanced over to where Roman’s and Virgil’s mosaics were, no Remus between them. So the god of chaos, destruction, creativity and… was it nightmares or death? He could never really remember which one was the job and which the hobby. Well, Remus had been canceled out of this little gathering as well, huh? He hated how relieved he felt at that. “I see you still don’t like you brother, Roman. What, still so insecure about that little black-and-white world of yours?”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes, before turning to the pictures of Virgil and Logan. That was his place. Right in between them. Right there. Or, it had been, all that time ago. He should have gotten used to it by now. He really, really should have. It still felt like a slap to the face to see the empty space, though. “Well, I suppose it does make this more symmetrical, doesn’t it?” A dark chuckle escaped him, and it might just have been a suppressed sob in reality. He wasn’t even sure anymore. “You don’t seem to regret the decision, seeing as you never even bothered to call out to me.”

Silence. There was just silence again. He had learned to hate silence in the years apart from their obnoxiously loud banter.

And, oh. Oh! Just when had he started to cry? Such an unseemly display on his part. He quickly whipped away the evidence, but it was no use. His tears came too quickly, and his sobs were too violent to hold back any longer. And, really, what was he trying to protect anymore? They’d striped him of his dignity when they’d decided to throw them out of the heavens and down to earth, and he’d let go of the rest when he begged them in vain not to. So what if he broke down after years and years and endless years of the only family he’d ever known abandoning him and pretending he didn’t exist at all? So what if he fell to the ground screaming, surrounded by colorful glass illuminated by an early sun, when he’d held himself together once he’d realized the humans among him had just eliminated him from their books, like a stain in midst all those other oh-so perfect gods?

Maybe, he thought, just maybe seeing him like this gave them satisfaction. They had, after all, not cared about what he had to say when they’d thrown him out of the gates and taken away the source of his power. So why would they now? And, well, that would mean at least someone would be happy today, right?

Or perhaps this made them feel guilty for what they’d done to him, for what they’d let become of him. If that was the case, well, good. They should be. He didn’t want to cary that burden alone anymore.

“Why?”, he asked after a while, when his tears weren’t dried but at least the pathetic sobs and wails of agony had stoped. He didn’t move from where he’d crumbled, not even an inch. His voice betrayed the fragile state he was in, though, and he hated the way it cracked and sounded so horse. “Do you even remember why you did this to me? Because I don’t. What did I… It’s been so long. Have you just suddenly become incapable of forgiveness or was what I did really so horrible? What did I do? Why did you do this to me? Why can’t I remember? Why? Just… Just tell me why. Please!”

But he was only meet with silence. And for some reason that made him angry. Almost as angry as he’d been right after it had happened. Blinded by rage for just a moment he stood up, took the nearest candle and threw it across the room. The impact put it out, but the yellow wax still spilled onto the stone floor that resembled home too much to take.

“I know you can hear me, damn it! You did this! At least have the decency to answer me!”, he yelled. But he knew that if they hadn’t responded to his broken plea, they surely wouldn’t respond to his angry outburst. Virgil was to anxious to confront someone in rage, Roman was too proud to admit he’d been listening in, Logan didn’t engage with “tantrum-throwers”, as he called it, Patton would disagree with the outburst too much and Remus, well, Remus wasn’t even worshiped in this chapel, so he doubted that the green god would hear him at all.

Still, he didn’t stop there.

“You know what? Fine! Be like that. See if I care. I hate you too, you know? I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” With every time he said it it sounded less broken and more angry to his ears, so he repeated the sentence a few more times for good measure. Because maybe that would mean he’d believe in it at last. Because maybe the sorrow would be less present if only he was able to hate them for it. Maybe missing them wouldn’t be as bad if he could believe that he didn’t love them more than anything else after all. Maybe. But he would never actually believe those words, not really.

His eyes fixed on the spilled wax. Yellow. His color. And a sudden urge welled up inside him, a stupid urge, a Remus-ish urge to cover the entire chapel in yellow wax. He just wanted to see his color amongst theirs again. He just wanted to feel like he belonged again. He just wanted to… He wanted…

What did he even want anymore? To go back in time? To right whatever wrong had been done? To fall asleep dreaming of the old days and never wake up? Ridiculous. He’d never get any of those, it was sheer impossible. And what would he even say if they’d show up? What would he even do? Beg them to take him back? Ask for another chance they had clearly denied him multiple times before? And even if they would finally give in, what would he do then? As if they could ever move past this. As if he’d ever be able to talk to them normally if they took him back, not paranoid and scared about every move, hoping against hope to not lose them again.

No. No, it was hopeless. He didn’t want it to be, heavens, he really didn’t want it to be. But it was, wasn’t it? It was time to accept that it was over. This wasn’t just a phase. This was what they wanted. This was a forever thing.

It was that moment when two humans came in. He quickly straightened up, drying the last tears with his sleeve. Falling apart in front of the family he didn’t have anymore was one thing, but falling apart in front of humans? Never. They wouldn’t take that away from him, too.

The humans didn’t even spare him a second glance, though. Of cause not. Gods like him were hard to perceive to humans when they didn’t want you to. Of cause they didn’t notice him as he stood there, not wanting to be seen in such a state. Of cause not. Silly him.

And then something in their prayer made his heart clench painfully and his breath hitch. “The five immortal deities” Five, not six. Right. Right, there was no god of deception anymore. No god of lies, no god of self-preservation, no god of denial. He didn’t even exist anymore. That was what his family had essentially done to him, wasn’t it? Maybe not with that particular goal in mind, but surely Logan had known about the chance, Virgil thought of it as a possible outcome.

They had scratched his face and name out of their books, denying he even existed. And in doing so, they had scratched his very existence from the human’s minds and history books as well. They had taken his staff, the source of his godly powers, weakening him and leaving him with no way back on his own. They had killed him off, as good as you could kill a god, by extinguishing every memory of his existence, and they had captured him in a place where he was damned to witness his own death for all of eternity.

As tears welled up in his eyes again, he quickly turned around, hood of his black cloak pulled into his face with one of two gloved hands - because the other four had disappeared together with most of his powers as he’d been seperated from his staff - and hurried out of that damned chapel that looked too much like the damned throne room those damn gods has made that damned decision in. He suddenly only had one wish, and that was to be as far away from there as he could. He didn’t even turn around to look at the closest view he’d get to home ever again.

It was a pity he didn’t, really. If he had, perhaps he would have noticed four mirages of gods standing where he’d been yelling at them just before. Perhaps he would have even heard the hushed conversation the winds carried far away, unbeknownst to any humans:

“I hate to see him like that. I’m so sorry…”

“I know, padre. I miss him too.”

“Yes. We did, however, do everything we could. The humans do not remember him, therefor we have no means of bringing him back.”

“Emo? What…”

“I’m sorry. I guess we were just too late. See you next year, Janus.”

“I don’t believe he heard you.”

“I know.”

Taglist: @gattonero17

I also wrote a second part to this. It’s basically everything that happened before this scene from the perspective of the others. You can find it here

#sanders sides au #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #gods au #fanfic #janus angst #janus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #tw loneliness #tw seperation #tw breakdown

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yikesimonfire · 3 years

Text

Howdy Neighbor || Alfie & Bex

Timing: Before the events of Promise to Bind. Location: Hallway of Alfie’s apartment complex. Parties: @inbextween & @yikesimonfire Summary: Bex drops by Eddie’s apartment with a gift; Alfie isn’t sure what he thinks of her. Content: internalized homophobia tw

It wasn’t necessary, but Bex liked doing nice things for her friends, and so she’d made Eddie a bone crown while she’d hyperfocused on making things yesterday. She’d had so much energy the past few days, due mostly in part to Mina, and well-- the stuff that had happened between them. Sometimes, she couldn’t stop smiling about it. Sometimes, it made her face hurt. The crown was littered with dried, pressed flowers that were sealed with preserve to keep them from crumbling apart, and she’d dusted off some of the small antlers Morgan had in the workshop-- way too small to even be baby deer antlers, so Bex really had to wonder what they might be from. They looked almost rabbit size-- and arranged them in a fashion she thought might suit Eddie. The coyote jaw bones really brought the piece together, as well. She hoped he’d appreciate the celebration of death in it. She figured he might, considering he saw ghosts and lived his life with them. But when she knocked, no one answered. Hmm, maybe she should’ve messaged him first. That probably would’ve been the smart idea, but she’d sort of wanted to surprise him. She wondered where he might be, as she peered into the front window. All the lights were off, which meant no one was home, probably. She pulled out her phone to text him when she noticed someone outside the apartment next to Eddie’s. “Oh, um hello!” she called out, waving. She didn’t recognize them, but then again, Bex didn’t know a lot of people around town. “I was just dropping something off! Do you know Eddie?”

It wasn’t uncommon that Alfie saw people he didn’t know lingering around the apartment complex. In fact, he didn’t know many people that lived there — even fewer by name. So when he got upstairs, mail in hand, he didn’t think anything of the young woman standing outside of Eddie’s door. As he reached for his keys, he ducked his head to avoid any unnecessary eye-contact. Soon enough, he’d have the door unlocked and he’d be safe. But then, in an unusually friendly voice, she called out to him. The sound of her voice made him involuntarily jerk (and almost drop his keys), but he managed a glance in her direction with a polite, but thin-lipped smile. “Hi,” he curtly replied. The question that followed, however, caused his brow to raise.

“Eddie? Uh — yeah. Yeah, I know Eddie.” Knew him better than most, or at least that’s what Alfie liked to believe. But that was neither here nor there. “I think he’s out, actually. Can’t exactly say when he’ll be back.” Obviously he was out, it probably didn’t take Alfie’s saying so for the stranger to figure that out. She wouldn’t have been standing outside if Eddie were home. Still, while Alfie fiddled with his key, edging it closer to the lock, he figured his friend would probably appreciate him being courteous. “Didyouneedanything?” The words sputtered out in an incoherent mess. “Or, uh… Is there anything I can do to help? He — he’ll probably be back soon.” He figured the polite thing to do was at least offer to wait with her (Eddie would like that, right?) but thought it inappropriate to mention.

Bex didn’t really notice the anxious behavior as she fussed with the phone and the crown in her hands, trying not to drop either one of them. At least her clumsiness had never extended to her hands. She managed to type out a text before the other boy mumbled something so quickly she didn’t quite understand it. “Oh! Oh, that’s-- kind of you to offer,” she said, looking down at her phone as it buzzed. An immediate answer, of course. He wasn’t going to be home for a bit, and she had stuff to do. Mina was expecting her back in a bit, as well. “Um, actually, yeah,” she said, pocketing her phone and looking back over at the other boy. He was quite a bit taller than her, even in her heels, and it wasn’t often she met someone who achieved that. She glanced back at Eddie’s door, before turning back to the other boy. “Would you mind giving this to him when he gets back? I would stay, but I have to be somewhere, and, well, I don’t really trust just leaving it on the doorstep, you know? I made it for him myself and I’d really like it if he actually, you know, got it.” She paused. “Not that I think anyone would steal it or anything! Or, well, I guess I sort of do, otherwise I’d be okay leaving it, but I’m more worried about it getting broken.” As nervous as Bex could be, she was used to talking to strangers and asking things of them. At least her parents had taught her one useful thing.

She made it for him herself? Alfie stood there, dumbfounded for a moment before giving her a small nod. “Yeah, yeah. ‘Course I can!” The hand holding his keys dropped to his side as he shifted towards her, his arm prematurely extended for a swift transfer. In the process, he noticed his shoulders were slouched and straightened up his back a bit — careful not to stand too tall and risk intimidating her. “Trust me, I get it. It’s a sketchy place. There’s no telling what might happen to it before Ed — Eddie gets back. ‘Sides, we wouldn’t want it falling into the wrong hands.” A forced chuckle followed which Alfie immediately regretted. “That… sounds like I’m saying it’s dangerous or something. I just mean, y’know… Things happen around here and, who knows — it’d probably be fine, but better safe than sorry.” His lips pursed together as he studied her face, trying to remember if he’d seen her anywhere; in any pictures Eddie had shown him, or even just from around town. Nothing. Was this just a thing now? Eddie having people over to bring him handmade gifts? “Will he be expecting it, or should I mention who it’s from?” he wondered. He figured that Eddie would be expecting it if she considered leaving it, but he also hoped that putting a name to her face might jog his memory.

“Oh, thank-- I appreciate that!” Bex said, catching herself quickly. It was still such an easy habit to fall into, saying thank you, without knowing what someone was. She thought of all the times she’d said thank you to Professor Campbell and hoped he wasn’t a fae. “Oh, yeah, yes! Better safe than sorry! I mean, this place doesn’t look too sketchy, and when I was over helping him edit some videos the other day, it seemed like a nice place! I think there’s definitely much sketchier places in White Crest,” she rambled. Oh, she was rambling again. She always did that when she was nervous. She smiled to cut herself off and held out the crown for him. “Do you know Eddie well?” she asked, when she noticed the slip in name. If he called him Ed, they were probably good friends, right? Usually people who were close gave each other nicknames. “Uh, no, I don’t think he’s expecting it. I just-- decided to make one and thought of him while I was doing it, so,” the sentence cut short as she shrugged. She wasn’t really sure why she’d made it for him, only that she wanted to do something nice for him, after everything he’d done for her. “You can tell him it’s from Bex,” she tacked on finally, looking back at the other boy with a half smile.

Helping him edit videos? Alfie never helped Eddie edit videos. Granted, that was probably because he never showed any interest in helping him. “Oh, yeah,” Alfie forced another laugh. “He keeps it surprisingly free of dog hair, considering.” He wasn’t sure what to say to that. Hell, he wasn’t even sure how he felt about that. Eddie was allowed to have other friends; it shouldn’t have bothered him. So why did it? “We’re pretty close, yeah.” At this point, Alfie didn’t even know if that was true. No — that was ridiculous. Of course they were close. Eddie was his best friend, after all.

As soon as the stranger introduced herself, things started making a little more sense. “Oh, Bex! From the — the exorcismyay,” Alfie’s voice dropped to a near whisper when he said “exorcism”. He remembered Eddie mentioning her now; how a filming adventure went awry. As it seemed, these excursions of his were just as dangerous as ever. “I realize now that’s still the same word in Pig Latin,” he tittered, a genuine smile crinkling at the corners of his eyes. The nagging in the pit of his stomach was quickly dissipating. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Bex, and it’s sweet that you wanted Eddie to have this. I’m sure he’ll love it. I’m Alfie, by the way. Alfie Ramirez.” Why did he just tell her his full name? Should he shake her hand now? Was that the right thing to do? Without thinking, Alfie dropped his keys to offer Bex his other hand. “I’d hate to keep you,” he added as an afterthought. “I know you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Hey, well, Bucket is a queen and she deserves the world. I wouldn’t mind dog hair all over me if it was hers,” Bex chuckled, giving Alfie a better smile this time. He was a nice guy, and, so far, Bex really liked him. Especially if he was friends with Eddie. She didn’t think Eddie would be friends with anyone that wasn’t at least a little like him. “Oh, have you known him long, then? He said he grew up here, and he’s one of those people who seems to love this town. I think it’s cute, don’t you? How much he seems to like this place. It’s...refreshing.” She wasn’t sure why she’d said all that, but she supposed it was the truth, so what did it matter? And if this was Eddie’s friend, then, maybe she wanted to connect with him, too. Maybe she wanted to show Eddie that she had a genuine interest in his life. He made her feel welcome, after all. And safe. She had broken down in front of him and made him see her horrific nightmare and he’d still offered to drive her home and then also be her friend. He deserved a lot more than a bone crown and a date rejection.

“Oh! Yes! That! That was fun! I was so excited he asked me to come with him. I’ve never seen a ghost before. Or, well, I still technically haven’t, but I’ve seen what they can do! And stuff like that! And it was-- kind of amazing? Did you know there’s different kinds?” She straightened up, laughing a little. “Sorry, I um-- kind of get carried away when i get excited. It’s nice to meet you, Alfie!” she stuck out her hand and took his, watching his keys drop to the ground. “Oh! You’re not keeping me! I mean, I do have someplace to be in a bit, but not right away! Eddie just said he wouldn’t be home for a while--” she shook her phone at him in a gesture of ‘he texted me’ before dropping it, “--so I just don’t have time to wait for him to come back.”

There was a dull throb in Alfie’s chest the moment Bex referred to Eddie as “cute”. For years now, he’d been telling himself not to think like that — and for years, he’d failed. His friend and neighbor would forever be unattainable. It was fine; Alfie accepted that Eddie would only ever be his friend. But that didn’t mean that it wasn’t difficult every now and then. How could he pretend that his feelings were strictly platonic when Eddie’s laugh made his heat soar? Or when he stood there, one hand on his hip, and the other forcing his mess of hair in every which way? Eddie was cute — painfully so — but hearing that someone else thought it too seemed… unfair? Almost. With any luck, Bex said that sort of thing about all of her friends; it couldn’t be exclusive to Eddie, could it?

“Uh, kind of, yeah,” Alfie croaked. “I’ve known him since high school, but we didn’t talk much.” That was a lie. Sure, they went to school together, but implying that they interacted at all was inaccurate. “That changed when Eddie moved in nextdoor, though. We’ve been friends ever since… The rest is ancient history, and all that jazz.” Alfie knew he needed to stop embellishing the truth. One quick chat with Eddie and Bex would know the truth. Hell, he apparently didn’t make it a point to mention him to her yet. The ache in Alfie’s chest permeated his entire body. His cheeks flushed and his heart raced. He was being ridiculous, he told himself. It shouldn’t matter that Bex didn’t know about him. It shouldn’t matter that Eddie was making new friends. And having them over to his house. Introducing them to Bucket. Watching movies and cuddling on the couch.

Stop it! His mind screamed at him over the sound of Bex’s voice. What was the last thing she said? “Different kinds?” Alfie parroted, trying to remember the words that came before it. Ghosts, right. His ears were still ringing. She shook his hand and he laughed, returning the gesture long enough to be socially acceptable before withdrawing, completely disregarding his keys on the ground. “No, no — you’re fine! I know a bit about ghosts, but I’ve definitely never had an encounter like that before. It sounds—” terrifying, “— fun!” For what it was worth, Alfie didn’t exactly want to shoo Bex away, not even when his heart was drumming in his chest. Maybe if he changed the subject? “Ah, that’s understandable,” he agreed. “Have you been here long? In White Crest, I mean — not here, here. I can’t say I’ve ever seen you around.”

If the other boy was distracted by thoughts, Bex didn’t notice. She was caught up in her own, thinking about Eddie, and how much fun she’d had with him, and what was wrong with her? She had Mina, she had slept with Mina, more than once, and maybe she wanted more than to just be friends with Mina, so why did she keep thinking about what Eddie had said? Why had he asked her out? Why hadn’t she just told him the truth? Everything was so confusing yet so clear right now. She blinked, and readjusted, because Alfie was talking again and she needed to pay attention. Pay attention. “OH, you went to highschool together? That’s cool! I assume you went to the school here? Yeah, I mean, that’s fair. I always feel like people are very different in highschool than after.”

She looked down at his keys on the floor and wondered if he knew. Should she point them out? “Um, you dropped your keys, by the way.” He was being oddly quiet between bouts of words, and she wondered if he was somehow off put by her. She was being awfully nosy, after all. She couldn’t help it. Eddie was still kind of a mystery to her, aside from his ghost stuff. She wanted to know more about him. She’d have to ask him. Maybe bothering his neighbor was a bad idea. “Oh, me? I mean, technically, yes? I was born here. I live-- lived-- out on Harmony Island. I’m in East End now, but I didn’t go to school in town. I went to a private school up in Augusta, so that’s probably why you haven’t seen me around.” Lately, a lot of locals had been saying that to her. Did everyone just know everyone here? She supposed the whole six degrees of separation was more like two degrees in a tiny town like this. “What about you? Did you grow up here? I mean, obviously you went to school here, but, you know, did you move here or were you always here?”

“Yeah, kinda,” Alfie absentmindedly agreed, not bothering to get into the smaller details. In high school, the boys didn’t have much to do with each other. He saw Eddie around campus and onstage in theater productions, but that was about it. Whoever Eddie was in high school, he doubted they would have gotten along back then.

When Bex mentioned that he’d dropped his keys, Alfie looked almost startled. His eyes shot to his feet where, lo and behold, his keychain limply lied. “Oh, huh, I— yeah, I guess I did,” he grumbled before crouching down and plucking them up. How was he managing to make this much of a fool out of himself? He worried what Bex must have thought of him; more importantly, what Eddie would think if he knew. Would she tell him? ‘Hey, I met your neighbor, Alfie. You know, the one you never mentioned? What a weirdo!’ His thoughts swarmed with what they’d potentially say about him. No doubt laughing as they huddled around Eddie’s computer and bonded over a shared interest.

“Harmony Island, huh? Sounds fancy.” Alfie chewed nervously on the inside of his cheek as he tried to purge the negative thoughts from his mind. Honestly, he didn’t know much about the island. His reaction was purely based on the fact that it was, well, an island. There were probably a lot of fancy houses there, right? As per the natural progression of conversation, the question was now turned on him. “Yeah, I grew up here,” he answered as he shifted his weight, standing somewhat smaller than he had before. “I’ve never left the greater White Crest area, actually. My family— they, uh… own the library. Or, run it, I guess? It’s probably a lot less cool than it sounds unless you really love books.” Bex probably didn’t care about what his family did for a living, but it was better than hearing how great friends she was with Eddie. “I haven’t worked there in a while, though. I’m actually a software developer. Freelance. I could never work a nine-to-five.”

Bex took a small step back as Alfie bent to pick up his keys. He didn’t seem very talkative, and she wondered if it was because of her. Was she making him uncomfortable? Was it weird that she’d come to Eddie’s place without asking before hand? Was he wary of her? Did he not like her? She shook the thoughts from her head and tried to focus back in on what Alfie was saying. “Oh, uh, yeah! My family is actually kind of uh, well known around town,” she said, rubbing the back of her head before hands came together to wring each other out. She looked back over her shoulder, as if maybe she would turn and see Eddie coming down the hallway, but there was nothing. “My parents are pretty well off.” But I don’t speak to them much anymore. Or at all. She shivered at the thought.

“You’re-- family owns the library? The public one? Do-- do you have a sister? I think I might’ve talked to her online! Is her name Leah?” She was somehow grateful for the change of subject, perking back up for a moment. IF she could make friends with Eddie’s friends, then that was only a good thing, right? That had to be a good thing. “Software developer? Woah, that’s so cool! How’d you learn to do that? Did you teach yourself or did you go to school for it? Either way, that’s, like, super impressive.”

Alfie gave a series of small nods as Bex talked about her own family. He wondered if he should know who they were, but thought better of it. He was still a stranger, after all. They knew each other's names and that they shared a mutual friend. That was it. Alfie was never any good at making friends. Sure, there was also Nell, but their friendship started out of sheer luck — and family ties. Small talk was also not within Alfie’s usual realm of comfort. He hated it, in fact. That’s probably why he didn’t have many friends. That and the fact that that he never felt he needed any. Maybe, with any luck, he’d manage to befriend Bex too. “That makes sense; with private school and everything,” he agreed.

A light laugh surfaced from the depths of his chest. “Yeah, that’s the one,” Alfie confirmed after clearing his throat. “Leah, yeah. She’s, uh— she’s great, really.” He never knew what to say when it came to his family. His parents were strict when he was growing up. They still were, actually. Not that he had much to do with them these days. Leah was — beyond a shadow of a doubt — the golden child. Compared to her and their other siblings, Alfie was the black sheep. That wasn’t the sort of information people usually offered to someone they just met. Instead, Alfie kept quiet; at least until Bex showed an interest in his job. All of a sudden, his face lit up. It was cool! “I’m mostly self-taught, actually! I mean, I took some classes for it in high school, but that’s about it. It’s just always been something I’ve enjoyed doing — fiddling around with computers and whatnot.” Alfie grinned sheepishly at Bex. As much as he enjoyed talking about it, he didn’t want to bore her. “What about you, though? Do you work, or…?”

“She is! She was super nice and agreed to let me borrow some books! Which...it’s a library so of course she did, but I mean, like--” Bex lowered her voice a bit and leaned in, “--special books, if you catch my drift.” Supernatural books. Magic books. She smiled again as she leaned back and gave a short chuckle. “Sorry. I just get really excited about books, and when I actually happen to know people. I don't know too many people around town, so it’s nice knowing this place is actually smaller than it seems, you know? Like, who woulda thought that Eddie’s neighbor, who I met coincidentally, was related to the nice librarian lady I talked to online, who also knows my mo-- er, my current guardian, and is friends with her! Isn’t that wild?” She tried to recuperate fast enough to hope Alfie hadn’t caught her stumble. Not that he knew about her situation, but the slip had even her surprised. Morgan wasn’t her mom. Morgan probably didn’t want the responsibility of that, either. Plus, Bex was an adult, mostly. She didn’t need someone to be that for her. She was doing fine, really.

“But, oh, wow! That’s so cool! And so impressive that you learned most of it all on your own! Do you make a lot of money doing it? What kinds of things do you design? I mean, software, obviously, but is it like, firewalls, programs, mods? There’s so much. Me? Oh, well-- I used to intern at my parents’ law firm, but I, uh-- have recently had a change of heart for what I wanna major in. So, currently jobless, just uh, focusing on school! And, well-- I guess ghost hunting, now. Does that count as a job if I’m not getting paid? It feels like more than a hobby, though, you know?”

“Special books — right, totally getcha. Like, say… her personal copy of ‘Interview with the Vampire’,” Alfie nodded. It wasn’t surprising that someone jumping into the ghost hunting scene would be interested in perusing the restricted section of the library. On the contrary, Leah wasn’t known to lend out books (as far as Alfie was aware) and he couldn’t help but wonder if there was more to it than just Bex’s excursions with Eddie. “Sorry, that was lame. But, yes, I caught your drift.” As Bex apologized, Alfie shook his head with a gentle smile. He was no stranger to talking a bit more than he should about things that made him excited. The library might not have been one of his go-to hangouts these days, but if Bex wanted to gush over it, he’d be happy to listen. “No need to apologize! And actually — now that you mention it — White Crest may be a relatively small town, but you’d be surprised how many people I don’t know. I guess it is pretty cool to realize who knows who and whatnot.”

The broad grin never wavered from Alfie’s face. It was easy to push aside his reservations towards Bex when his craft was in question. He was very quickly warming up to this new acquaintance. “A handful of different things, actually! I’ve cast a pretty wide net. I’ve recently been really into programming a personal database. It’s, uh… a work in progress.” Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. In the event that it got back to Leah, his sister might start asking questions that Alfie wasn’t prepared to answer. “But, yeah. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with all of those. The pay’s decent enough, though I haven’t had any big projects lately — takes care of the bills at least.” Did it matter that some of these projects were morally questionable? Alfie was merely the brains behind them; what the clients used them for were out of his control. He objected not to voice this, considering her parents were in law. “Hey, take it from someone who didn’t go to college: you’re allowed to change your mind about that sort of thing. ‘Specially since you’re the one earning the degree. Have you picked a new major, or…? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

“Yeah, but less Interview With A Vampire and more--” Bex started, then stopped. She’d been reminded time and time again that telling people she didn’t know that she was a spellcaster was a bad idea. But Alfie was friends with Eddie and he was Leah’s little brother, so he could be trusted, right? She wanted to trust him. “More, Practical Magic.” Oh, that was a blatant reference, wasn’t it? Well, no hiding it now, she supposed. She gave him a sheepish smile and waved it off. “Not lame! Definitely not lame. If it was lame then so was mine.” She chuckled lightly, hoping to move past the notion quickly, nodding eagerly when he amended his statement about White Crest. “Yeah, totally! I’ve definitely noticed that. I mean, I grew up kinda closed off, so I never really knew people around town, but once I started actually meeting people, it was like everyone knew everyone! Or knew of them, at least. Wild, huh? Six degrees of separation who?” Oh, now she was just embarrassing herself. She cleared her throat. “It’s just interesting to see. When I moved away to Penn State briefly, it was so different. Everything was so impersonal.” She’d sort of liked that, though, blending in easily. The dream of that life was so long gone,though.

“Woah, you’re making a whole database all from scratch?? That’s incredible!” Bex exclaimed, perhaps a little too loudly, but she couldn’t help it-- people being excited made her excited and her cheeks bubbled with it. She needed to find every reason to be excited, anyway. Every reason to be happy. “But, you know, pays the bills is good! Especially if it’s something you enjoy! Isn’t that what they say? Find something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life?” She remembered one of her professors telling her that. She didn’t know if it was true. “Oh! Uh, yeah, I have. Um-- Anthropology. I’ll probably focus on uh, Archaeology. It’s what interests me the most. But, really, anything about history interests me. I could probably go to school for the rest of my life getting different history degrees. I won’t, though! But I could.” She rubbed the back of her head. “I’m what they call a History nerd. Or buff. History buff. Anything you wanna know about history, I probably know something about!”

Practical magic? That came as a surprise. The only spellcasters Alfie knew in White Crest were the Vurals. He always figured there were more, but never bothered to find out for himself. A wave of anxiety crashed over him at the thought of Bex having something to do with his curse; a worry that quickly subsided at the realization that no beginner magic-user could be involved in a plot spanning across what was likely centuries. Unless…

“Not lame,” Alfie reiterated with a meek smile. “Although, I can’t exactly say I’ve read it myself.” He wondered if it would be appropriate to ask her more about it — if only to subdue his concern. Maybe it was best to leave it be for the time being.

It was interesting to hear about Bex’s fondness for White Crest. The reasons she seemed to adore the small town were on Alfie’s list of why he wanted to leave it. “That sounds ideal to me,” he said playfully, electing not to elaborate. Explaining that he longed for a bigger city where he could easily hide away would only dampen the mood. Not to mention that it could potentially get back to Eddie who would undoubtedly be upset by it. If anyone could make Alfie stay, it would be him — another thing on his ever-growing list that Alfie wasn’t prepared to get into with Bex.

“More or less,” he chuckled. “The original code is pretty much public domain, but I’ve made my own enhancements.” These ‘enhancements’ being private journals that he so eagerly nicked from the family’s secret collection, though that was neither here nor there. He’d return them… eventually. “I mean, that’s awesome, though! There’s still so much to discover through artifacts from the past.” In a sense, Alfie was doing the same; unearthing his own past through vague remnants of it. “Good on you for chasing your dreams.”

Alfie thoughtfully pursed his lips. He wondered if Bex had anything in her bank of knowledge pertaining to his own circumstances. “Actually, now that you mention it… You don’t happen to have any recommendations on, say, the history of White Crest, do you? More specifically pre-dating European colonization?” It was a long shot, but he couldn’t exactly ask Leah.

“Oh!” Bex perked a bit, “it’s actually a really good book! If you like reading about that kinda stuff, I’d totally suggest it.” She beamed for a moment. She loved talking about books and sharing other people’s interests and, well, it was always nice when people shared hers, too, wasn’t it? She wondered if Alfie knew about all the things that went on in the shadows of White Crest, all the things the world tried to hide from people-- probably, considering he was friends with Eddie, and Eddie didn’t seem like the kinda guy to hoard that type of information. In fact, he was the opposite. She shook the thoughts away.

“What? Oh! Yeah,” she blinked back to the present moment and away from her thoughts and nodded. “I don’t mind living in a small town. I know it’s not everyone’s thing, but I dunno-- it’s not so bad, for me.” It was harder to disappear, but maybe that wasn’t what she wanted anymore. Maybe she did want to be known, after being hidden for so long.

“Enhancements? Well, I mean, still! That’s amazing. I’m sure you made it infinitely better. And, well, yeah, thanks! I just kinda figured, what’s the point of life if you’re just living someone else’s, you know?” She gave pause at his last question. She did, in fact, have recommendations on all that. But they were Morgan’s family notebooks and the ones she’d dug up at the record hall and “borrowed” permanently. No one knew they were missing, not when she’d replaced them with fakes. She chewed her lip. “Uh, I mean, you could check town hall, if you wanted to. They might have some old newspapers or records that could tell you about that stuff. Does your family not have any books on that stuff in the library?” And little did she know, her own parents had records of that time. They’d been in White Crest longer than the town had a name, after all. She shrugged. “Sorry I can’t be more help there.” Her phone buzzed and she glanced down at it. “Oh, uh-- I-- I should probably get going, actually. I-- thanks again, you know, for talking to me and for holding onto that for Eddie for me.”

“I’m not exactly, uh — how do I put this? — affluent in that sort of thing, if I’m being honest,” Alfie chuckled. The hand holding his keys darted behind him to rub the back of his neck. Growing up, Nell tried her best to explain it to him, but the only thing Alfie could relate it to was his lessons on temperature control — and his innate ability to burst into flame. Aside from that, magic simply didn’t make sense to him. He always assumed it was something some were simply born with. These new-age witches and wiccans most likely accomplished nothing more than what any ordinary human was already capable of. Then again, what did he know? He figured it would be impolite to ask Bex whether or not she had any real powers. It wasn’t his business.

Alfie nodded along as Bex spoke, failing to come up with anything valuable to add. Living in White Crest was a curse (at least for him), but he didn’t expect others to share that opinion. He wasn’t sure how far back his history with premature death went. All Alfie knew for certain was that the records he did have access to were set in the unusual town; none of which explained the source for his self-proclaimed “curse”. What he needed to find was something with the answer in bold print — a pissed off spellcaster rebuking one phoenix in particular. Or perhaps an astrological phenomenon occurring around the time of his birth or death. Not that Alfie knew the precise dates.

“Yeah, I mean, the library definitely has some stuff,” he said sheepishly. “But, uh, thanks. I’ll have to give town hall a shot.” At that moment, Bex’s phone buzzed. Alfie hadn’t noticed the tension in his shoulders until then. “Oh, of course! Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you.” He felt a little guilty for being relieved that Bex was leaving. He hated small talk. “It was great to finally meet you, Bex. I’ll make sure Eddie gets it as soon as he’s home. And, uh… be safe out there.”

#c: bex #writing #howdy neighbor #internalized homophobia tw

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makeste · 4 years

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BnHA Chapter 270: Harry Potter Rules

Previously on BnHA: Present Mic punched Ujiko in the face! It was awesome. I’m thinking about getting a tattoo of it. Meanwhile Endeavor saved Mirko’s life by setting her on fire (reason #15 why I will never become a superhero), and Aizawa did some sexy Spider-Man poses for our viewing pleasure while fighting the rest of these Noumus which are still annoyingly refusing to die. Anyway but back to Present Mic, the undisputed MVP of this chapter. Because you see, in addition to the punching, he also used his Loud Voice attack (literally the actual attack name; Horikoshi will steal all of my jokes and leave me with nothing) to smash open Tomura’s Noumutank! Which I really thought was going to immediately lead to Everyone Dying, but apparently I was wrong! Anyways so yeah, right now Tomura’s just lying down all heart-stopped and not-breathing. Which seems very anticlimactic, BUT I JUST HAVE THE CRAZIEST FEELING that maybe, just maybe, the super powerful villain lad who just spent the last three arcs slowly upgrading his bad self just in time to wage war on the world as the story reaches its climax, might not actually be dead though.

Today on BnHA: DON’T MIND THAT OMINOUS ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND, IT’S NOTHING, IGNORE IT. Ahem. So first of all, as some of the bolder among us dared to speculate, Tomura is not, in fact, dead. He’s still very much kicking it with his nipple-less pecs and truffula tree hair, putzing around in his mental landscape filled with crumbled buildings and disembodied Theatrical Gesture Hands. For some reason he doesn’t have shoes or a shirt in his mental landscape, which was a very interesting choice on Horikoshi’s part, but we will speak no more of it. Anyway so to sum things up, Tomura’s family is all “TENKO WE LOVE YOU” and he’s all “oh hey” and then AFO fucking appears and he’s all “COME HERE MY BOY” which is exactly as creepy as you would expect, and for some fucking reason TOMURA ACTUALLY DOES COME HERE. And lol it turns out Ujiko gave him AFO. Like the quirk. Yes, that quirk. So long story short, Tomura is about to be possessed by AFO’s evil soul or some shit, and to put the cherry on top, fucking Deku out of fucking nowhere, MILES AWAY, is all “HE’S COMING.” Because of course he can sense it, because AFOFA IS REAL, AND FUCK ME THIS IS ALL HAPPENING TOO FAST, FUCK.

I know this chapter has been out since like 1pm, but I’m not getting to read it until 5 hours later because for once in my life I was trying to be responsible and actually get some work done on a Friday. I thought this might lead to less oh-god-I-still-have-to-get-that-done anxiety hovering over my weekend, but instead it just led to oh-god-I-have-to-get-the-chapter-recap-done anxiety hovering over my now! anyways so this might be a bit rushed lol

(ETA: yeah turns out this wasn’t exactly the kind of chapter you could just read quickly and get on with your life lmao. so, then!)

what a nice panel of Present Mic taking out the trash

you heard ‘em fellas. the doctor is secured. good job everyone we did it, manga over, congratulations. now to cut away to a two-page spread of Dark Shadow comically smothering Dabi’s flames with a giant stock pot lid, and that’ll be that! what a wonderful, extremely short and strangely underwhelming arc in which we haven’t even seen the actual main characters do anything yet. but I guess we don’t need them since the main bad guy is lying dead on the floor! everything is just so fucking dead and secured!! do you think if I keep repeating it enough Horikoshi will finally be like “okay geez I get it” and reveal his hand already

Mic is now ordering Ujiko to power down the Noumu, which again, I’m sure he will definitely do without a fuss since after all the good guys have clearly won the day

OH SHIT OH FUCK

rip X-Less. gonna just take a moment here to imprint your beautiful face onto my memory before it turns into a pile of ash. your face, I mean. not my memory. well my memory more or less already is a pile of ash but that’s neither here nor there ANYWAYS

:’)

what are these little sound effects. I think that’s supposed to be a buzzing noise?? anyways whatever it is PLEASE STOP IT, I AM NOT HAVING A NICE TIME SO STOP

ffff Horikoshi sure has done an excellent job of setting the mood in such a way that all of these panels of X-Less doing incredibly mild things are sending my stress levels through the roof. like is anyone else reading his lines more or less like “WELP, TIME FOR ME TO DIE, ANY SECOND NOW, WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, HERE IT COMES”

(ETA: when is this poor sweet innocent man going to fucking die already.)

LET’S CUT BACK TO MIC ESCAPING THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY

I have the clearest mental image of Horikoshi standing by with a walkie talkie in one hand and one of those remote bomb detonation clicky switch thingies in the other, patiently waiting to receive the go-ahead once all of the important characters have gotten to safety

anyway so now Ujiko is talking again

no fear everyone this is just the beginning of his verbal noumu deactivation sequence. nothing to worry about. everything is fine

yes for some reason his code phrase to put all the noumus back to sleep involves going into rambling detail about his work researching quirk singularities and shit. it’s fine. it’s not a big deal. code phrases are just like that sometimes all right

just ignore the increasingly panicked look in Mic’s eye as he slowly realizes he was way too fucking keen to just leave the “dead” Tomura back there with his laser-eyed hero buddy. anyway so let’s continue learning all about the Quirk Illuminati or whatever the fuck

okay so... he faked his own death? 70 years ago, at age 50 or thereabouts? I mean, that’s interesting and all I guess. not saying I wouldn’t be thrilled to spend the rest of this chapter learning all about Ujiko’s boring evil life. I don’t need to say it because it’s implied on account of Ujiko sucks and is the worst. so yeah can we get a move on though

oh shit?!?

WHOSE NARRATION IS THAT IN THE BOXES TOMURA IS THAT YOU OH GOD OH GOD

also, comparing AFO’s smile to a buddha’s really sent an actual shudder of disgust down my spine for some reason lmao. I personally would have steered that comparison in a different area, maybe less to buddhas and more to Norman Bates from Psycho, but to each their own

oh shit wait up

okay but this is actually a pretty big revelation though, isn’t it? because it’s been hinted for a while now that AFO and Ujiko had some method of duplicating quirks (the fact that all the Noumu share the same regeneration quirk was the biggest clue, but there was also John-chan’s quirk, as well as Hood’s Muscular-esque quirk), but as far as I can recall, this is the first time we’ve had it confirmed. though to be fair I wasn’t joking when I said my memory really has been shit lately sob

anyway so for real though, can you really call it a BnHA chapter if you’re not spending a good chunk of it being hopelessly confused over the ownership of some ambiguous thought bubbles. WHO IS THIS. I do seriously feel like it’s Tomura, because he’s the wrathful one, but another hallmark of a typical BnHA chapter is me constantly questioning everything I know as I muddle my way through

(ETA: yeah I’m pretty sure it was him. still impressive how vague it is though! it could also potentially be Ujiko, Mic, or even Deku. hopefully Caleb’s translation on Sunday can shed some more light on this. though he wasn’t really helpful last time this happened lol.)

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

didn’t... you just... say that “preservation” was your quirk?? what do you mean that you wanted it?? CAN YOU JUST FINISH YOUR SENTENCES LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

anyway so here’s a summary of this chapter thus far

present mic: okay goodbye forever x-less

x-less: what a strange thing to say! :) also is it just me or is this machine fucking staring at me

present mic: turn the noumu off please

ujiko: seventy years ago... society... singularity... he’d be 120 years old now...

??: [REPULSIVE FEELING EW WHO’S TOUCHING ME]

ujiko: all for one has the smile of an angel...

??: [SON OF A BITCH I’M SO FUCKING WRATHFUL]

ujiko: my quirk... preservation... the truth is... my quirk... preservation... the truth is... my quirk...

all caught up?? grand. also btw is anyone else super disturbed by the fact that Ujiko recognizes Mic as being “Kurogiri’s friend”, like holy shit though? how would he know that. I can’t think of any implications of this that aren’t super disturbing tbh

anyways back to -- LOL WHAT THE

Horikoshi Kouhei: [furiously scribbling notes to himself at 3am] BUT WHAT IF THE FOLDING CITY FROM “INCEPTION” HAD MORE GIANT HANDS

jesus christ. is this like some mental representation of what shit is currently like in Tomura’s mind? lots of crumbly destruction and traffic lights and the house his father built (isn’t it? I feel like it looks familiar), and SO MANY HANDS, HE JUST LOVES HIS HANDS

anyway so at this point it’s a coin toss whether or not anything in this fucking chapter is ever going to make any kind of fucking sense! but here I am voluntarily along for the ride while Gene Wilder sings that creepy boat song right in my ear!

DSFKLDSJ

ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN FLOATING IN A JAR FOR THREE MONTHS TBH. that is some luscious quarantine hair

SDFLKJSDLFKJSLKFDHLKSDJFLKJLKSDJL:FKJSDL:KJ

(ETA: that Tomura in the top left may be my new favorite panel. look at him. all he is is a nose and chin and ~*~HAIR~*~.)

HANAAAAAA AHHHHHH OH MY LORD OH MY LORD! OKAY I’M FINALLY PAYING ATTENTION NOW FOR REAL! NO MORE JOKES! EVERYBODY SHHHH!!!

FFFFFFFFFF

“LOOK AT ME I’M A MAIN CHARACTER I CAN HAVE STRANGE VISIONS AND TALK TO DEAD PEOPLE IN MY DREAMS, SOUND LIKE ANYBODY ELSE YOU KNOW?” TOMURA SHUT UP I DON’T HAVE TIME TO ANALYZE THIS SCENE THEMATICALLY RIGHT NOW I’M TOO BUSY BEING SAD ABOUT YOUR DEAD SISTER WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY CALCULATING THE ODDS OF THIS SOMEHOW BEING FORESHADOWING FOR HER NOT REALLY BEING DEAD. OH GOD, OH FUCK YOU GUYS, I’M FREAKING OUT

WHAT KIND OF YOUNGER BROTHER DOESN’T CALL HIS OLDER SISTER “NEECHAN” TOMURA WHAT KIND OF ANIME CHARACTER ARE YOU

AT THIS POINT HIS HAIR IS ITS OWN INDIVIDUAL CHARACTER WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WOW

HORIKOSHI PLEASE STOP SHAKING THIS CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE OF SIBLING FEELS SO VIGOROUSLY I AM SO TERRIBLY AFRAID OH GOD

“BY THE WAY TENKO I JUST HAVE TO SAY, YOUR MAN BOOBS ARE SERIOUSLY IMPRESSIVE AND YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD.” YES HANA I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY. HOW ASTUTE OF YOU TO POINT THAT OUT. BOY HAS BEEN HITTING THAT BOWFLEX

WTAF IS HIS HAIR THOUGH SERIOUSLY??!

IS IT JUST ME OR IS THIS DIALOGUE BUBBLE ACTUALLY COMING FROM THE HAIR ITSELF. TOMURA. TOMURA BLINK TWICE IF YOU ARE IN DANGER

SJJKJSKJSW

TENKO IT’S ME YOUR GIANT MOM I’M BEHIND YOU HONEY TURN AROUND AND LOOK HELLO HI I LOVE YOU DO YOU STILL WANT TO BE A HERO

ffff why is he so pretty all the time lately

you are very handsome with your billowy hair and ken doll abs, you. sure are having a lot of trippy visions for a dead guy too there

HEY!!!!

WHO SAID YOU WERE ALLOWED -- DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST -- ffffffffff I need to be alone with my thoughts for a few minutes fuck

okay well. but since it is getting late I guess we’ll just pack these feelings up real quick and put them inside a box and neatly label it “feelings I have about Tomura having a vision of his mom and immediately turning back into his innocent little boy self in said vision as soon as he sees her.” not too sure about the contents of this box yet but I will have to explore them thoroughly at a later date

oh hey it’s this asshole

“THAT WAS TWENTY YEARS AGO, DAD.” jesus Kotaro. get over it

and also guess what, if you go and get Tomura all riled up so he wakes up grumpy and disintegrates the first hapless guy he sees, I will hold you solely responsible for that poor man’s death. I’m just warning you now

oh my

I remember this conversation going a bit differently the last time, but hey

LOOOOOOL

HIGH FIVE. PUT ‘ER THERE

WHY WOULD YOU LOOK SO SURPRISED LOL DID YOU NOT JUST TURN TOWARDS HIM WITH A SINISTER MURDER FACE LIKE TWO SECONDS AGO. LIKE WTF DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN

OH NO OH SHIT

FUCK ME, GUESS IT WOULDN’T BE A DRAMATIC BNHA DREAM SEQUENCE IF THIS ASSHOLE DIDN’T MAKE AN APPEARANCE AT SOME POINT OR OTHER NOW WOULD IT

-- HOLY SHIT?!

RECORD SCRATCH, FREEZE FRAME??

holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit

holy shit. fuck

...okay so

is this implying that AFO has been Noumufied? but that doesn’t make any sense, does it? he already had multiple quirks. what other advantages could there be to him becoming a Noumu. well whatever I’m just typing out all of my thoughts real fast for the time being and I’ll try to make sense of them later

or is it because he sees Kurogiri as a father figure? and AFO also?

or is he using Kurogiri’s quirk????? IS HE SOMEHOW WARPING INTO TOMURA’S DREAMS

because that third one, to me, is what this panel most looks like? Tomura says he looks like Kuro, but he doesn’t though. Kuro has a very distinctive face which this is very much lacking. instead it looks to me much more like one of Kurogiri’s portals, with AFO’s buddhaesque smile sticking out. so yeah. I got nothin’. except, again, fuck

(ETA: yeah I obviously have more thoughts about this now, but we’ll get to those in a bit.)

...

.......

-- !!!!!!!!!!LKJLK!JLKJ

oh shit oh shit oh shit

OH SHIT

NO BABY NO DON’T DO IT

GASP

THEY’RE TRYING TO SAVE HIM AHHHH

I HAVE LIKE TEN THOUSAND THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW YET SOMEHOW MY MIND IS ALSO STRANGELY BLANK?? I DON’T EVEN KNOW?? I’LL JUST KEEP READING

KOTARO ARE YOU TRYING TO HELP HIM OR ARE YOU PULLING HIM TOWARD AFO??

OH HE’S PUSHING HIM BACK!! OH SHIT IT’S A WHOLE FAMILY EFFORT

THEY’RE TRYING TO SAVE HIM AFO IS GOING TO TAKE HIM OVER AND THEY’RE TRYING TO PROTECT HIM OH GOD OH JESUS

BABY TENKO EYES OH MY GOD HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE DEKU THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS DEKU FOR A MOMENT

NO TENKO!!!

FUCK -- DOES HE NOT CARE? HE ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN BUT HE DOESN’T CARE?? IS HE TRULY SO PROFOUNDLY MISERABLE THAT HE’D GO AHEAD AND ACCEPT THIS FATE WILLINGLY

NO SOUNDS. NO WORDS. YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW

except that I have the most incredible, chilling, disturbing, electrifying feeling that my mental soundtrack is about to start blaring AFO’s theme from the anime on full blast...!

LOOOOOL SOB OH FUCKK

THE MOST TERRIFYING, DRAMATIC KIP UP YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE!! THIS IS IT, IT’S BEEN REAL FRIENDS, THIS IS WHERE WE DIE

-- ARE YOU REALLY, TRULY, GENUINELY SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW

NOW OF ALL TIMES IS WHEN WE FINALLY CUT TO THE TRIO, I’M CAN’T, I’M FUCK

AND THAT’S THE END AHHHHH

holy shit holy shit holy shit. wow

okay so. I don’t really have any sort of neat and tidy way to wrap up this hot mess of a recap lol. so, just... have a whole mess of all of my stupid whirling thoughts

those first four pages really did nothing to brace me at all lol

okay, so. here’s my understanding of all this, I guess. basically we’re going full Harry Potter rules here. AFO horcruxed his quirk, and from the looks of it, a piece of his soul (perhaps even the main piece) along with it. he then passed it on to Ujiko to implant into Tomura

horcrux!AFO then wakes up, and takes over Tomura. so then my understanding is that he’s going to be possessed by him. and I also got the impression that he’s fully aware of that, but just doesn’t care at this point. he knew his family was trying to warn him, but he didn’t care. and that look in his eyes when he disintegrated them just seemed so fucking resigned to me, though. jesus

but now the more interesting thing! so we can liken Tomura to the resurrected Voldemort from book 5 and onward, reborn after transferring his power into a new vessel. which would go a long way toward explaining how AFO was able to sense what was happening from all the way in Tartarus; because if we liken it to Voldemort and his horcruxes, it would mean that he still has a connection to them (similar to the connection between Voldemort’s mind and Harry’s)

but so now comes the really interesting thing -- what does this then imply about the connection between AFO and Deku? because you’ll recall that AFO alluded to a similar mental connection back when Deku first activated SIXQUIRKS. and now we have Deku somehow being magically aware of AFO’s sudden resurgent presence in this chapter. but why?? if the reason AFO and Tomura share a psychic link is because of a shared quirk, why would Deku also be experiencing the same link? the answer is, he wouldn’t -- unless he, too, had the same shared quirk

in other words, I think All for One for All is fucking confirmed you guys. I can’t think of any explanation for this other than that OFA is also a horcrux quirk. a little piece of AFO broken off and embedded in his brother, and then passed along through the generations. and now residing within Deku

anyway. so that’s a hell of a lot to ponder lol. I guess we can at least be grateful for the fact that we’re not waiting two weeks for chapter 271 like Hori originally planned. can you fucking imagine. what a fucking asshole lol

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ghostbustermelanieking · 4 years

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tma as “the haunting of bly manor”: self-indulgent au ramblings

this started as me really loving thobm’s ending (both in general and as a representation of what i want out of tragic gay love stories in horror) and thinking “wow it’d be cool if tma ended like that,” and ended up here because i started analyzing the parallels and where other characters fit in and couldn’t stop thinking about it. indulge me on this one please

(putting this under a cut in case anyone is watching the haunting of bly manor and doesn’t want to be spoiled. i don’t think you necessarily need to have seen thobm to understand this but it probably helps.)

· okay as pieces of horror that deal a lot in tragedy and death and love and themes of being trapped and fighting against things and reliving moments in time and losing yourself to outside forces, i think thobm works really well as a template for a tma au

· to start off: martin is the storyteller. of course martin is the storyteller

·“statement of martin k. blackwood regarding… a ghost story” more on this later

· the magnus institute stands in for bly, and it’s pretty much the same except it’s in the middle of fuck-all nowhere, and is much less staffed, and half the staff just like. lives there out of necessity

· it isn’t just a temple to the eye though; it’s mostly that, but it’s also kind of like a sinkhole for all the powers. the land it’s on is a mess and divided up between the powers like a mini fearpocalypse

· consider: tim and sasha as owen and hannah come and suffer with me

· ok aside from the inherent tragedy of their stories being in parallel, consider: tim would make those awful puns and sasha would absolutely pretend to hate it

· ok but also consider: sasha dies and no one notices, not even her. she’s taken by not-sasha the lady in the lake and she dies and no one notices it, but everyone wonders where sasha’s always going, why she always seems to be so out of it.

· imagine sasha fading into the background not realizing that shes dead... tim not understanding why she's pulling away or constantly disappearing, why she acts so strangely when he suggests they run away... sasha reliving moments with tim, unable to understand why she keeps coming back to the moment where she pushed him out of the way when something was in the institute, not realizing it’s the last time she saw him alive

· “tell him i love him…” oh my god

· not sasha is the lady in the lake. just because.

· jonah elias magnus is a little bit the lady in the lake a little bit peter quint he’s got the backstory of this being his house and being there for fuck-all-ever, and he’s using all these people as cogs in the machine, trying to get them to lose themselves to the eye or anything else there, using their lives and wellbeing to benefit himself (especially jon more on that later)

· (it should be noted there’s a very good fic with a huge manor and ghosts and romantic stuff and jonah possessing people called antigonish that makes way more sense than this but anyways)

· basira and daisy are a little bit quint and rebecca jessel. not entirely; their backstory is different and so is their dynamic, and daisy doesn’t possess basira to kill her and trap her there forever or anything like that. but she does go over to the hunt and ask basira to come with her. the difference is, basira wants to

· georgie is henry wingrave. minus the spousal infidelity and secret daughter, but in that she refuses to come to the institute. she’s brushed enough with it (with the end) that she doesn’t want to come anywhere near it, or anyone involved. she’s henry wingrave who separates herself from everyone for her own preservation but also loses jon and melanie in the process… who calls all the time because she misses them and wants to either apologize or beg them to leave but can never get up the courage to say anything… who comes back to get them out and dies briefly and has her encounter with the end… who talks to sasha when she reveals she’s dead and says, “tell him i love him…” who helps melanie leave in the end…. jesus christ

· melanie and jon are both dani yes i will elaborate

· melanie is dani in that she’s the last to come, and she thinks it’s going to be a new start even though it’s anything but. (she’s running, although not from a ghostly fiancé, but from the slaughter and the war ghosts and the humiliation she faced on the internet.) she comes to give a statement and ends up never leaving, and the slaughter only tightens its hold on her. georgie disapproves. melanie wants to leave when she figures out she’s trapped but she doesn’t know how

· jon is dani in that he is the second to last to come, and also the linchpin to ending all of it. but he’s also a little bit the kids, in that he’s being manipulated and taken over by the eye and in a lot of danger but he has no idea. he’s still the archivist he still takes statements and elias (who’s a lot less present here but still has some sway over everything) is manipulating the hell out of him ala quint to miles and flora

· the covering mirrors motif pops up here somehow mirrors looking glass eye all of that

· jon still takes statements, and statements are a version of dream-hopping. where they can relive their statements and their fondest memories and all of that, but jon is unwilling voyeur to all of it

· tim and martin are the ones who don’t stay at the institute overnight. jon and melanie and sasha and basira do. gradually tim and martin start to leave less and less

· it ends in a big confrontation i’m not sure how. lake + eye imagery, the power well trying to pull everyone in. sasha accepts she’s dead. georgie comes for her loved ones. jon gives himself over to the eye to save everyone, so they can all leave

· here is where storyteller martin comes in because imagine that ending of dani and jamie in a jm context. holy fucking shit

· jon and martin who leave the institute and go to scotland on borrowed time, knowing jon will inevitably lose the rest of him to the eye someday, but wanting to spend whatever time they have left together. the safehouse period but it lasts for years pls imagine. all of that. oh my god

· jon eventually going back to the institute to protect martin and martin following him and getting there too late… that entire scene by the lake… holy shit holy shit

· storyteller martin who won’t talk about it for years before finally giving the statement (possibly at georgie and melanie’s wedding just because, possibly not like that at all). who gives the statement futilely hoping it’s the key to seeing jon again because that’s always worked before. storyteller martin who is still looking for jon years later, who fills the sinks and tubs and sleeps with the door cracked open. storyteller martin who sleeps unknowingly with jon’s hand on his shoulder

· this is messy and unformed but i’ve been screaming about it for weeks oh my god someone draw this for me

· i don’t expect actual tma to end anything like this but i’d die if it did

#tma au #tma #the magnus archives #thobm tma

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