#THEY GOSSIP AND TALK SHIT!!

[inoreuct]

I've been loving your ZoSan drabbles, they honestly make my day. I do have a potential drabble request if you'd like: I feel like these two idiots tease each other mercilessly for the dumbest things, like an old married couple. It's almost a game for the rest of the crew to how long it takes them to turn the teasing into either flirting or kissing. It's peak entertainment for the crew

thank you so much??$4!;7:)3 I’M SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT and yes. absolutely. I FLEW TO MY DOCS TO WRITE THIS AND IT WAS SO FUN. the tension is through the roof; not even with the bickering but the teasing. it’s playful and easy and they’re more fond than they should be and is an insult really an insult if it’s said with a smile? anyway. enjoy 😽

“Oho! The world’s greatest swordsman can’t handle a kitchen knife!” Sanji has his hands propped on his hips, faux-flabbergasted and crowing like a town crier. Zoro looks about three seconds away from chopping him up with said kitchen knife instead of the carrots on the countertop. Usopp fears for the cook’s safety.

“Do you think we should… do something?” he turns and whispers gingerly, leaning across his mug of tea so that Nami can hear him from where she’s seated across the table. 

“Something like preventing a possible murder, or getting them to finally kiss? Because…” She takes a pointed slurp from her own mug, her amused gaze fixed on the way Zoro is now animatedly arguing back. “We could do both. Or neither. I’m entertained either way.”

Usopp turns back around, hiding his face in his drink as he eavesdrops shamelessly. He must have missed some conversation, because now Zoro’s sniping about Sanji’s hair, of all things. How they got so far from the original topic in such a short time? Usopp does not know. 

“Well, at least I don’t spend an hour rubbing conditioner on my head,” Zoro scoffs, and Sanji gasps like the swordsman had just cussed out his entire family three generations up and down.

“And that, my dear marimo, is why it looks like a lawn,” he declares with a prim sniff, flicking the tap on with a flourish. “An untrimmed lawn. That a dog ran all over.”

“Wh—”

“No, no,” he laments, scrubbing at a dish in the most melodramatic way Usopp has seen in his life. “A pack of dogs. And they shat all over it, too.”

Zoro puffs up like an angry cat, clearly winding up to verbally throw down, and Usopp turns around to find Nami smirking at him with her eyebrows raised as if to say, see what I mean?

“This is incredible,” he whisper-shouts, amazed.

I know, she mouths delightedly, eyes shining like golden coins.

“What are we talking about,” Luffy hisses, and Usopp damn near jumps out of his skin.

“Great Mother Ocean, when did you get here?!” he nearly squawks, pulling his volume down at the last second, just in time to hear a victorious “and that is why no crab in its right mind would ever want to eat you!” from Zoro. He doesn’t even bother to question it anymore.

Luffy shrugs, biting into an apple with a satisfying crunch. “Like two seconds ago. Are Zoro and Sanji fighting again?”

“More like flirting,” Nami laughs, gesturing with her chin. 

Usopp gives up on straining his neck and gets up to straddle the chair properly. The convo has somehow turned back to hair; Sanji has one hand plucking delicately at green strands, the other covered in soap.

“Keep talking shit about my brows and see if I will,” he says haughtily, and Usopp strains his ears for context as Zoro bares his teeth in a grin, his eye twitching.

“As if I want you to cut it. You’d probably make it all uneven.”

A dry ha! “That’d be an improvement.”

The sniper whips around wildly to look at Nami. Either he’s hearing things, or they sound almost… fond. The way their navigator’s sitting forward in her chair hints at the latter. Luffy bites into his apple again, mumbling, “Why haven’t they kissed yet?” 

Usopp explodes into a flurry of desperate hand movements, mouthing exactly! Exactly! so enthusiastically that his cheeks hurt. 

His captain smiles and then pauses, tilting his head. “Have they kissed yet?”

Usopp’s worldview shatters into shards that then start rearranging themselves because that is a very real possibility. Sanji and Zoro have been bickering ever since before the cook came aboard the Merry, but somewhere along the line it had turned to something more lighthearted, less I’m-gonna-gut-you-like-a-fish-and-have-your-entrails-for-breakfast and more you’re-so-damn-annoying-sit-down-and-let-me-help-you.

The three of them turn in unison to stare at how Sanji and Zoro are now nose to nose, Sanji peering down the scant half-inch he has above the swordsman in height with a smug smile and murmuring “—not what you were saying last week, marimo.”

Zoro tips his head, not backing down even as Sanji cooes at him and somehow, somehow, it doesn’t sound condescending. Usopp is losing his mind. “Never said that, curly-brow. You were the one who filled in the blanks.”

“You left blanks for me to fill in.”

“You’re delusional. There’s gas in your brain, that’s why your head’s so big.” 

“Oh, yeah?” the cook grins, lazy and bright, eyebrows going up as Zoro steps into his space. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

Zoro smirks and tilts his head back. “I don’t know. You tell me,” he murmurs, before pulling away and dropping a whole stack of dirty crockery into the sink. “Better get to washing, dish boy.”

Usopp’s eyes are bugging out of his head as Sanji yells and sprays Zoro with water from the pullout tap, sparking a whole new round of squabbling and ankle-kicking and wayward elbows.

“You’re seeing this, right?” he asks desperately, turning around in his seat and gripping the edge of the table. Gosh, he’s feeling light-headed. “I’m not going crazy?”

“Nope,” Nami sighs, popping the ‘p’. “Wanna bet?”

“On?” Luffy shuffles closer, grinning around his apple and she shrugs a shoulder, feigning disinterest. 

“How long it takes dumb and dumber to get their shit together.” 

Usopp really doesn’t know how much he’d be willing to put into this. The way that they fight’s more pigtail-pulling than anything, and that in and of itself is telling— Not to mention, again, how this has been going on for months. Sanji would give Zoro shit for being messy but then go to clean anyway, only to find Zoro’s things already packed. Zoro would snip at the cook for being rigid about dessert before dinner and then find a slice of sour raspberry tart on his bunk, way after teatime was over. Usopp had honestly thought they’d been doing it out of spite, but now…

Then again, with how repressed the both of them were? “…A hundred berry, one month,” he decides, and Nami wrinkles her nose.

“Stingy,” she complains, but she’s hiding a smile as she turns to their captain. “Luffy?”

The boy hums thoughtfully, twisting around. “Are you two kissing?” he yells, and Usopp’s heart fucking drops to the floorboards as the pair stares at them wide-eyed and bursts into protests.

“What— this idiot?”

“The hell? No! Why would you—”

“—on any planet would I ever—”

“Absolutely fucking not. His refined palate—”

“—His brains are in his biceps—”

“Okay,” Luffy says, shrugging as he finishes the last of his apple, core and all, and flings a singular seed into the tiny bin by the sink with startling precision. “Five hundred, two weeks.” 

Usopp can’t help it. He bursts into laughter, smacking his forehead into the tabletop as he clutches at his stomach and the twinge in his ribs. He can hear Sanji’s panicked shouts of “what? What were you betting on? Usopp, tell me now—” and Zoro growling, “Luffy, I swear if this is what I think it is—” and oh. 

The sniper grins into the table. Oho. Did that not imply that Zoro knew something was going on? He could be wrong, but— “Seven-fifty, one week.”

“A thousand!” Luffy counters immediately, and Usopp cackles helplessly because he knows that his captain’s just shouting out numbers now, Luffy doesn’t even have the money. 

“How about we spill the beans on what the hell we’re betting on, and I make us all a special dinner, hm?” Sanji pleads, and it’s honestly funny how hard he’s trying to find out. 

“Absolutely not,” Nami replies, her grin saccharine sweet. “A joint bet of one thousand, seven hundred and fifty berry for one week. Y’know,” she studies her cuticles, pursing her lips in an unbothered moue, “This is the one time that I’d be happy not to collect. Don’t let me down, hm?” She gets up and slides out the galley door, and they hear her laughing all the way down the hall. 

Zoro looks like he’s about to have a conniption. Sanji has his hands buried in his hair, looking up at the ceiling and turning around like he’s begging for a divine answer. Usopp and Luffy share a gleeful look.

This is going to be a marvellously interesting week.

fin.

#zosan #one piece zosan #zoro x sanji #ronoroa zoro #black leg sanji #THESE FUCKING IDIOTS #this was hilarious to write #i love them so much #they’re so stupid #ALSO NAMI AND USOPP WOULD BE BESTIES PLEASE #THEY GOSSIP AND TALK SHIT!! #one piece zoro #one piece sanji #one piece #ask box #ino’s ask box

[diabloku]

An angel on one shoulder 😇

A devil on the other 😈

(sikes, they're both devils and they're talking shit)

#hazbin hotel #vivziepop #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor #radioapple #appleradio #lucifer morningstar #gossip dads #talking shit IS a bonding activity!

[saetoshi]

sae loves it when you gossip with him. (not that he’ll ever admit it, of course.)

he used to find it annoying, actually. he didn’t find any sense in listening to what was happening in other people’s lives.

until he started paying attention to what you were saying, and his interest was, begrudgingly, piqued.

itoshi sae looks forward to your gossiping. (he’d rather eat shit than tell you that, though.)

the very moment the door to your apartment swings open his body instinctively turns in your direction, his gaze snapping up from his phone to look at you in anticipation.

excitement bubbles in him when he hears you call out his name from the entrance.

he clenches his hands in anticipation when he hears your slippers shuffling closer. you quickly greet him before saying the words he’s craving to hear.

“you won’t believe what happened today!”

he has to bite down the grin threatening to bloom on his lips.

you plop yourself on the couch next to him, nuzzling closer to his side.

“remember that girl i told you about in my class?” he can hear the excitement in your voice. (it’s almost enough to make him smile.)

he nods, “the one who cheated on her partner?”

you shake your head, “no, the other one.”

“the one that’s sleeping with your teacher?” his eyes widen when you enthusiastically nod.

“what happened?” he tries, really tries to hide the amusement in his voice. (he fails. horribly.)

“well, i heard,” a mischievous grin spreads across your lips, “that she’s pregnant.”

his jaw drops in amused disbelief. “for real?”

“yeah!” you bite your lip in a poor attempt to mask your excitement. “some of her friends were talking about it in the bathroom.”

“y’know what else?” you shift towards him, “they think it might be the teacher’s.”

his whole body turns in your direction. “no!”

“yes!” you enthusiastically punch the couch cushion.

“so what’s she gonna do?”

you slump against him with a sigh, “i’m not sure.”

“i mean,” you tap your finger against your arm, “both of them could get into some real trouble if it gets out.”

sae nods, wrapping an arm around you. he pulls you flush against his side, his head resting on top of yours.

there’s a beat of silence.

“you’re gonna keep me updated, right?”

you scoff, “you shouldn’t ask the obvious, sae.”

another beat of silence goes by.

sae clears his throat, “anything else happen today that you think i should know?”

you snort. he rolls his eyes when your body starts shaking with laughter. he flicks your forehead. you kick him in return.

you perk up, “there’s this guy in my other class who had an extreme makeover.”

sae’s brows raise in intrigue.

“i think it’s because i rejected him again?” you shake your head, “i’m not too sure.”

“again?” you can hear the curiosity in sae’s voice.

your eyes sparkle, a smile growing on your lips, “i haven’t told you?”

he gives you a look, “i think i’d remember you telling me about a guy confessing to you multiple times.”

“what can i say?” you shrug, “i’m lover material.”

sae shakes his head with a laugh, “you’re lover material for me, and only me.”

you roll your eyes. “yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“besides,” he smirks, “i bet he’s ugly.”

“oh, yeah,” you nod in agreement, teasingly scrunching up your nose, “he’s uglier than you.”

“maybe i should drop you off tomorrow,” he sighs, “then he’ll know what your type of ugly is and he’ll get a better makeover next time.”

you both laugh.

“maybe you should,” you wipe your eyes, “that’ll give everyone something to gossip about.”

“it’s always been my dream to be the center of your university’s gossip.” he smiles, “there’s nothing i’d love more.”

you shrug, a playful smile on your lips, “well then, who am i to stand in the way of your dream?”

safe to say, you sure gave everyone something to gossip about.

(it’s only a shame that it had to do with sae dragging the guy in your class through the mud for ‘trying to steal you away from him,’ though.)

#chisme lover itoshi sae so true #im convinced this man is a secret gossiper bc he loves to talk shit abt others #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x you #itoshi sae #bllk sae #bllk itoshi sae #blue lock sae #itoshi sae x reader #sae x reader #itoshi sae x you #sae x you

[cupid-tune]

YOUR SO SWAG UR ART IS SO SWAG I'M GONNA EXPLODE OH MY GOD CAN WE GET MORE KURLOZ IM BEGGING???????

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

How about BOTH?

#homestuck #homestuck fanart #porrim maryam #kurloz makara #could be interpreted as pale or red your choice #IMO I think they're big gossipers #best friends they will talk shit #I'll answer the humanstuck question in a separate post!! Seems more fitting

[campinfirmary]

family bonding time :)

#solangelo #tsats spoilers #will solace #nico di angelo #the cocoa puffs love listening to them shit talk & gossip. they live for the drama

[thespineoftherighteous]

if Andrew ever learns about the Marissa hitting on Neil situation from that one night, I want it to have been Aaron who told him. in a therapy session, in the car, idc, idc about the circumstances. and given the way in which he knows Neil, it's intriguing af to Andrew, so he really can't help but pry carelessly for details and it turns into one of the lighter, more effortless conversations they've ever had in a way that's satisfying to them both

#and then they turn into gossip buddies #not that either of them give a shit about what or who they're talking about #but it makes for easy conversations #and a way to effortlessly learn about each other #okay idk if that's in character #aftg #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #mine aftg

[justsomeimbicel]

Porter seems awfully kind to the Shaw pack. (especially Darlin)

Like at Sam's and Darlin's place the first thing he did was compliment Darlin's appearance.

And when Darlin told him to watch his tone when talking to Sam he listened and apologized.

And then he gave Sweetheart information about the Bennett clan's ties to closeknit. It could have been him just wanting to see closeknit burn but he was still very polite to the pack.

Should I be curious or scared?

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted darlin #redacted sam #redacted shaw pack #redacted shifters #redacted porter #redacted werewolves #redacted monarchal summit #redacted asher #redacted david #redacted milo #redacted sweetheart #I don't know why but if Porter turns out to be an okay guy I want him and Darlin to be friends #He seems like a great person to talk shit and gossip with #They would be the bark and the bite #Porter being the bark and Darlin being the bite #I'm actually really loving this idea #It would be so funny

[emptyrainbowz]

I know we’re all focused on that one reply but this one’s killing me

#DANIEL OMFG #prince of our hearts #constantly trying to get shit done #when he’s fully retired one day and can legally talk about it I need him to sit down on like a podcast #and I NEED him to spill on the buisness side of things. I mean #I know why I quit YouTube exists #but girlie I need the management GOSSIP #dan and phil #dan howell #daniel howell #phil lester #dan and phil games #dnpgames

[marsberryart]

dormary 💞

#dormary #dorcas meadowes #mary macdonald #dorcas meadowes fanart #mary macdonald fanart #marauders era #the marauders #marauders #marauders fanart #fanart #I’m so obsessed with them #they’re so hot gfs #they’re so fashion gfs #they’re the type who like even as friends are insufferable to be around #because they’re so obsessed with each other #that you’re lowkey like .. did they forget I was here lol #they’re so in love #they’re also so gossip gfs #talking shit is a love language of theirs ❤️

[oxydiane]

mcgonagall: mr potter, is that a snake?

harry: this is herbert, professor. he’s here for emotional support

mcgonagall: in what way?

harry: when he talks shit about professor snape and malfoy in a way only i can understand i feel positive emotions

#i am forever upset harry didn’t get a pet snake to like sneak around for him and talk shit about people #it would have been so funny like i can really see him gossip with it at the gryffindor table during breakfast #‘harrrry you will never believe what that prissy bitch malfoy is up to’ #‘so he IS up to something HAH thank you herbert i fucking knew it’ #‘harrrrry let’s tell umbridge to fuck hersssssself’ #hermione is 80% of his impulse control stopping him from doing exactly what his pet snake suggests #ron is like ‘what did herbert say? oh yes he’s absolutely right LETS DO IT’ #can someone make a rewrite where everything is the same but harry has a little sassy pet snake? the snake is just him but snake form #harry potter #headcanon #mcgonagall #minerva mcgonagall #harry james potter #incorrect harry potter #incorrect harry potter quotes #incorrect quotes #golden trio #golden trio era #hermione granger #ron weasley #severus snape #draco malfoy

[separatist-apologist]

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: stop putting your anti bullshit in the Elucien tags. It is not pro Elucien, it is literally nothing at all.

All you're doing is making this fandom MORE TOXIC. Y'all think you're immune because you ship Elucien, I promise you're not. You are JUST as bad.

#we gossip on this blog so I'll tell folks what y'all are doing #wah wah why is the fandom so toxic #idk maybe because y'all screenshot artists to shit talk #and try and start fights with people who don't care about you #it's not passion at this point it's unhinged (derogatory) #TOUCH GRASS

[solifelessblog]

They are gossiping about u

Please reblog, don’t repost :)

#my art #toh #the owl house #toh hunter #amity blight #they would be the type of besties who would talk shit about others together #gossip gossip #“no way tell me more” kind of deal

[shorlinesorrows]

qpr jean and neil. that's all i'm gonna say.

do you see my vision?

#i might add onto this later but right now I'm too busy crying #“misplaced forever partner” ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT DESTROYED ME #neil ordering a hit to keep jean safe changed my brain chemistry #i need them to be friends #i need them to call each other and gossip and send each other stupid memes that only they understand #i need them to slowly grow closer as they heal until one day they can finish each other's sentences #and they ocassionally make super dark jokes about their trauma out of the blue (they bet on how people will react competitively) #i need them to call each other derogatory names but get Super Upset whenever anyone else talks shit about the other and offer to kill them #and i would love them to reclaim the spots next to each other that riko set #and make them their own #they're not partners on the court but they sure as hell are partners in life #the mcs ever #at one point andrew and jeremy are just looking at each other across a table at a restaurant as these two bicker #and realize they have somehow both become the Third Wheel despite the fact that 1) there's four of them and 2) jean and neil aren't dating #the amount of queer platonic pining i could fit in these traumatized people #the: “i'm lowkey obsessed with you but I Really don't like you romantically and I don't know what to do with it” #and the: “oh thank hell me too i thought i was even weirder than i already am. wanna go harass the fbi with me?" #jeremy and andrew watch this trainwreck both exasperatedly and proudly you can't convince me otherwise #cannot convince me that these four won't somehow end up living in each others pockets even if they live 1000 miles away #kevin pops in frequently as his usual wonderful diva self #anyway i'm going insane how yall doing #neil josten #jean moreau #all for the game #the sunshine court

[sorrelpaws]

LOL get a load of this guy!!!!

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #THEY'RE TALKING SHIT BROOOOO theyre just spewing all kinds of gossip rn

[lunearobservatory]

The sheer bitchassery of Oregon and Washington not just blocking California's number and instead letting the phone ring a bit before hanging up every time he calls!!!

#gay people are SO PETTY!!!!!!!!!!!! #new episode... good... #i love seeing washington and oregon just canonically exist in gossip hell #they talk shit!!! good for them...good for them #shakes newmex. hello king nice to see you again ‼️‼️‼️ #and pr <333 omg they're friendsssss yaaaaa #lune talks #wttt #wttsh #ben brainard #wttt washington #wttt oregon #wttt california #welcome to the statehouse #welcome to the table

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

someone edit these two together to look like theyre gossiping about the other coven heads

#toh #the owl house #raine whispers #lilith clawthorne #they were classmates in hexside right #raine was dating liliths sister so id like to think they were friends #gossip buddies #they would talk so much shit about the darius odalia and alador polycule