#I’ve been really thing bout this Guy recently

[dammarchy211]

Sasha nein sundey

#I’ve been really thing bout this Guy recently #BACKSTORY #ARGF #psychoanalyzing his ass #I should write down my complete Sasha backstory hc down sometime #my art #psychonauts #psychonauts fanart #psychonauts art #psychonauts sasha nein #sasha nein #psychonauts sasha #was talking to my bf when drawing this and was like. #what if glasses round! #the answer is #weird! #drew him a lot more spindlier than I normally do #i probably won’t keep it but like #somewhere in the middle instead lol

[shurislover]

Private But Not A Secret

Letitia x Black Reader

a lil soft launch , been in my drafts forever

warnings : none just Tish talking bout her baby 🥺

“ Alright so now we have the Wakanda Forever questions out the way. Let’s talk about your personal life, what do you enjoy doing on your free time ?”- The interviewer questioned

“ Aw man I really enjoy being out with my friends , I used to be such a homebody and now i’m trying to go out and have some fun. “

“ A night out with friends is always fun. I recently seen you were out in Jamaica. How was that ?”

“ Jamaica is so nice , I absolutely love being there. I definitely will be making plans to go there again this year. Have you been to Jamaica? “ - Letitia questioned

“ I’m actually going in 2 weeks , i’ve never been so i’m very excited to go“

“ You’re going to absolutely love it, and make sure try the KFC there , it’s so much better “- Letitia smiled

“ Definitely will be trying that . Now you know you have some very nosy fans as soon as they heard they could leave me questions to ask you they blew up my comments. I’m gonna ask you the main three I kept seeing. Is Ms Letitia Wright in a relationship?”

Letitia laughed and shook her head

“ Y’all so nosy “ - She laughed. Letitia felt her cheeks get hot as she started thinking about you.

“ Hmm. Should I tell you guys ? You know what, I’m gonna spill the beans, it’s been long enough I’ve been with my beautiful girlfriend for 2 years and she’s my everything. Crazy because our anniversary is today “- Letitia nodded

“For starters happy anniversary you two. Could you tell us more about her? What is she like ? Will we get to see her any time soon ?”

“ She’s the love of my life. I honestly cant imagine life without her. That woman is everything to me. We actually were childhood best friends, I lost contact with her once I moved to the UK. Then at the first Black Panther Premiere we ran into each other and honestly the rest is history. Two years ago today I asked her to be my girlfriend. It was such a nice set up, took her to Paris and asked her to be my girlfriend under the Eiffel Tower. And to answer the last question I will be keeping my baby private.

“ How come ?”-

“ I’m a very private person when it comes to my personal life. I want my baby to have a normal life. I want to make sure she’s safe when she’s not around me. I don’t want my nosy fans in her DMs or making her comments all about me since she does her little thing with TikTok , Youtube & Instagram. It was a mutual decision to keep it private and honestly keeping it private has been so nice, nobody bothering us or tagging us in each others posts and what not. I really love it. “

“ I get that 100 % , sometimes fans take it too far and it just ruins everything. I’m so glad you found someone who truly makes you happy. Where do you guys see yourselves in 5 years ?”

“ Married for sure , I can’t wait to marry her . Everyday she gives me a reason why I need to put a ring on her finger now. Hmm in 5 years maybe a baby. I believe she’d be a good mom, she’s amazing with my little sister, everytime I see them interact my heart jumps. Besides that I would love more roles in movies “

“ So what i’m hearing is the next time I interview you , Ms. Letitia Wright will be married with a baby on the way ?”

“ Depends on when you interview me but yes married and a baby on the way. “

“ Cant wait to see that and I’m wishing you and your girlfriend the best. Next question , did you ever expect to blow up on tiktok ?”

“ Honestly no , it was a shock to me. The whole world is crushing on me, you got everyone calling me their girlfriend or wife I think it’s cute. I don’t mind them at all, i really appreciate them. So many fans take so much time making edits and things like that I love them “

“ These fans really love you , okay so last question , can we expect anything new for you after Wakanda Forever ?”

“ Yes of course I can’t really tell you guys much I have two movies dropping soon and I’m very excited for everyone to watch. One movie i filmed a while back and this new movie is something new and I think you’ll love it.”

“ Cant wait to see your new projects , thank you so much for being here today and sharing everything with us. Hope to see you soon and enjoy your anniversary.

“ Thank you and I will be seeing you soon showing you wedding pictures and sonograms” - Letitia laughed

—-

babyboo 💍

you did amazing in your interview baby, come home soon i got dinner planned. i love you and travel safely

mi amor 🤭

love u so much baby, i’m in the uber on the way home. I picked you up a surprise. see you when I get home

letitiawright posted a video !

liked by dominiquethorne and 18,765 others

letitiawright my first love 😮‍💨

dreyamac finally !! been waiting for this

ayrastarr happy for you tish , cant wait to meet her

im.angelabassett miss you both

lupitanyongo oh ? so this is who you were blushing about on facetime ?

michaelbjordan happy for you lil sis

view all 98 comments



#letitia wright #letitia x reader #shuri x reader #shuri x you #shuri imagine #vees recs #shuri udaku

[weneverlearn]

Kurt Bloch: An Awesome Guy Who Awesome People Like

Rocking with the Fastbacks and recording all your favorite bands since 1979

Fastbacks, 1988; Kurt Bloch far left, Gumby t-shirt

“There truly is something about inspiration and enthusiasm that really is inspiring and enthusiastic!” - Kurt Bloch

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By: Eric Davidson

I’ve been thinking a lot about joy of late. Like pure, eyes-to-the-sky, skipping down the street joy. There is a paucity of it around right now.

We could follow a zillion trails to and from how we got here, but this is ostensibly a music blog, so I’m going to make a quick stab at the roots of this unenviably joyless position we’re sitting in, rock-wise.

The Fastbacks were joyful. Starting out in 1979 in the dawning days of Seattle’s punk scene, they became a local fave on the basis of action-packed shows stuffed with careening pop hooks, irked energy, and a friendly, guffaw around onstage demeanor that didn’t exactly scream “pre-hardcore era.”

Fastbacks retreated for a few years, circa 1988, and when kicked back into gear a couple years later, found themselves being a preferred opener for a load of grumpy grunge bands who I’m guessing hoped to absorb some of the Fastbacks positive energy to counteract their mope – which the Fastbacks were more than ready to supply.

A mélange of metal volume, fleeting bouts of prog whimsy, Ramones tempos, and BubbleYum stickiness, the Fastbacks created a  singular sound. Like most great bands, they never fit into any particular zeitgeist – too raggedy for the pop punk contingent, too peppy for the grunge trend, they nonetheless retained a respected status among bands who appreciated their consistently grabby tunes and fun live show.

Despite any remaining expectations of what “success” was supposed to be, by the turn of the millennium the Fastbacks became that precious thing – one of those awesome bands that awesome bands like.

It should be noted that, while grunge soon gained a definition as a downer genre (that has taken root since), Bloch and company palled around with that Seattle scene from the get-go, and knew many of them as fun rocker kids just trying their best to get through seven months of rain by rocking. 

The Fastbacks kept careening forward right through the ‘Alternative Rock” era that ignored all the fun underground garage punk and instead painted rock as increasingly dreary and grievance-based. The early 2000s came, and the Fastbacks took their leave.

They’ve recently gotten back together for occasional reunion shows. Always holding them together throughout their stop/start whirlwind of a career was ace guitarist/producer and philosophical center of the band, Kurt Bloch.

Bloch, who began his career as a recording studio whizz with Fastbacks, never stopped twiddling the knobs for lots of your favorite bands and/or underrated acts. We checked in with him on his ongoing mission to bring fun to the fringes despite the mainstream consistently choosing incorrectly.   

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Kurt Bloch, rockin', 1990 (Fuck the NRA. I will assume Kurt's t-shirt here was de rigueur '90s irony.)

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What was the first album you loved; and what was the first album you loved because of its production?

Good question, hard to answer. I think it was 45s and AM radio that got me going on recording qualities, how loud some of the great hits of the early-’70s sounded. How some records sounded like they were a band playing inside your head. I think I was aware of EQ and compression sounds early on, how the drum fills would sort of obliterate everything behind it on some songs. How the guitar would be so loud in the breaks. How, if the record didn’t have enough treble, it would be unexciting; if there was too much then it’d sound wimpy.

Then getting into albums, and FM radio, you’d listen to Larks’ Tongues In Aspic or Dark Side Of The Moon, and they had this spacious quality that was rad; the Scorpions’ Fly To The Rainbow was right in your face, really up-front and close. Then, going to see bands live, we’d see the coliseum style shows – that was so cool, but then getting to see bands in smaller spaces where you could hear the amps on stage, and feel the sound pressure in the room –now that was a mind-opener. You could feel the Marshalls and the actual sound coming off of the stage.

Then when punk bands started playing, that’s when it started getting interesting. You know, like I just saw this killer band that sounded so great at the show, and their record sounds like a bowlful of shit. Why?! That leads to one-track, two-track, four-track tape recorders, and each time you record something, you have a whole book of revelations of what to do and what not to do. So many great recordings from that early punk era without a bunch of reverb. It was another revelation. A lot of those early digital reverbs that everyone had, I just hated that fake trebly, scritchy sound. Rather just not use any reverb than that icky sound.

How did the Fastbacks form?

Kim and Lulu were high school friends of ours, The Cheaters was our neighborhood band; only lasted a couple years but they were good ones! When that band disintegrated on-stage, there was still band gear in my parents’ basement. Kim (Warnick, bass/vocals) had been in a band, The Radios, and Lulu (Gargiulo) wanted to play guitar and sing. Somehow my parents didn’t put a stop to it all, so we started playing a couple times a week. Not saying we got good, but we got better.

How long before you felt you had locked into the Fastbacks’ sound?

I reckon whatever “sound” we had was pretty well established early on; it was just whatever we wanted to do. Of course we loved the punk bands of the era first and foremost, but also the ’60s and ’70s pop music we grew up with; and the hard rock bands of the ’70s too! And I always was a fan of the wonderful arrangements and sound of the ’70s prog bands, once I started writing most of the songs, these things would creep in.

Live, 1986

I have this romantic vision of Kim Warnick as a long-haired rocker teen crashing parties and such. Is that correct?

Ha ha ha!! We were all pretty good (bad?) at crashing parties, some of the shit we did makes me wince thinking of it all. But it was 1977, ‘78; things were different back then, a different kind of boredom ran rampant through kids’ minds back then. There was a real disdain for society, maybe not to the degree of the UK bands at the time, but still there nonetheless. Often there was nothing to do other than the proverbial let’s go fuck shit up. And the music was such a part of all that.

So you got a story about something back then that would make you wince now?

Back when we were teenagers in The Cheaters, we would go to pretty desperate lengths to create excitement. The Cheaters singer, Scott Dittman, was maybe the funniest person I’ve ever known, and often in our search for something to do, he would drive a car full of us down to the frats at the University Of Washington. We’d go crash frat parties, rarely did we fit in unnoticed. You’d grab some keg cups and try to hang out, usually immediately, “Would you please leave.” And that didn’t often sit well with Scott. If we were going to “please leave” then we would not leave without exacting some sort of a toll. I guess we could run pretty fast, or we would’ve got our asses kicked pretty well back then. Somehow a few weeks later we’d go back to the same frat house that had a bookcase upended or a row of bikes knocked over, and lo and behold, the same thing would happen again. Of course we were never hired to play any frat parties.

Scott also loved to fight. He took boxing lessons and was always trying to teach us how to fight too. You knew when the gloves came out it was time to find something else to do. “Come on, you just gotta keep your guard up.” (smash smash smash) “You said you weren’t gonna hit us in the face.” Yeah right.

The Cheaters and The Accident (another erstwhile punk outfit) set up a show at a non-punk bar, somewhere down by Olympia. This would’ve been 1979 maybe. There were no roadmaps for like-minded or “friendly” places to play, outside of the major cities. But we were trying to do something, anything, and our double bill got the booking. This bar had a dance floor that also was used for bar fighting. There must have been some sort of organization to the fights, but it was sanctioned bar fighting. No-one was on the dance floor or anywhere near it when we started, so Scott tried to solicit a fight or two during our set. This was unfriendly territory, we were all, “Stop this nonsense!” But once you told Scott not to do something, well he was going to double down of course. Fortunately no one took him up on his offers, and we got out unscathed, but the bar owner took me into his office at the end of the night and gave me a rundown on what we needed to do to become successful in the music business, and the first thing was to get rid of that singer.

1978

First Fastbacks show, February, 1980 – any memories of it?

Oh, totally! The first Fastbacks show, it was at a rec center in a quiet neighborhood, it was three bands: The Vains, Psychopop, and The Fastbacks. We were all friends, and it was all three bands’ first shows. Very ramshackle, but we cobbled together a sound system, someone had a few lights, everyone brought what they had, and the show went on. A little rough around the edges, but the power didn’t go out, no cops were called, nothing was ruined – an early triumph for sure.

Was the power pop zeitgeist of that time a thing for Fastbacks? Did you feel a part of it?

No! For sure the New Wave was hitting strong at that point, but we were certainly not embraced by the new wavers at all. I suppose for that first year, we were pretty terrible, but we had some friends and people who wanted to give us a chance. Getting Duff (McKagan – yes, that one from Guns ‘N Roses) to play drums was the first step into making the band more listenable, but we were still a long ways off of what the general public would consider valuable music. We got kicked off of a show after our first set (of two). “That’s okay, you guys don’t have to play another set.” And I was all, “What do you mean we don’t have to?!” Oh, I get it.

Then when the hardcore bands cropped up, we were pals with some of them, but we weren’t furious enough for them really. I recall some sort of fury at a DOA/The Fartz/Fastbacks show. It required some foresight, which many didn’t possess, to support any kind of music that wasn’t 100% punk. Conversely, the proper power pop bands, well, we were a little too power and not enough pop, I reckon. We wanted to be that, but it’d take a bit still to hone those chops.

Had Duff McKagen played in any band before that?

Duff was the bass player in The Vains, who played that Laurelhurst Rec Center show. That was his first show. He must’ve been 15, barely 16?

Did he exhibit behaviors that would later align with Guns ‘N Roses’ infamous lifestyle?

We were still pretty reeled-in at that point, no one really even got plastered, no one started doing drugs yet. Might’ve been some Budweisers around, but nothing stronger yet.

Guns 'N Roses 2nd show, 1985

Got any Vains stories, recollections of a show, or the general scene from whence they came/played? Was there a good raw, original punk scene in Seattle in late '70s? I'm aware of Soldier and some other bands, but I wanna get it from the horse’s mouth.

The Vains only played three, maybe four shows total. In the late ’70s into early ’80s it was pretty hard to keep something going if you were any sort of impatient. Most bands never got the chance to play enough to iron out any difficulties, or taste any sort of real success. Lots of arguing over what direction to take, stick to your punk rock guns, and play to a rental hall of your friends; or try to get “jobs” in the bars, which would mean being stricken with the “cover band” tag, which was NOT punk.

1978

The Enemy worked the hardest, yet still couldn’t crack the code in 1979. The Telepaths, The Blackouts, The Lewd – everyone broke up, or moved away and then broke up. The Fartz made a pretty good go of it, but even they sorta morphed into Ten Minute Warning, and then morphed into an art band… The Silly Killers stayed pretty punk. The Living ripped it up for their short lifespan. But they were all in that 1982 dilemma, you can almost see a line in the sand, drawn in the summer of 1982. Not a lot of bands made it across that line that summer.

The Enemy live, 1980

If I remember it was some sort of divine intervention that The Fastbacks reconvened in 1983 to fire it up again, it was nearly the end of the line. But it was also clearly a new beginning, a new lease on life, a new crop of kids started bands in those Metropolis years; the Metropolis was a new all-ages venue that I would consider the petri dish of the next bundle of bands.

As the ‘80s took hold and punk rock hall shows were sort of the only stage for many of our bands, after a couple years of not getting to any sort of next level, it was clear that there needed to be a re-grouping of some sort. We’d see our friends’ bands get actual paying gigs in bars – if they were non-punk sounding. Of course many of the punk bands went to the dark side of ’80s metal. Everyone was looking to do something that could “go somewhere.”

Somewhere right in that 1982 corridor, drugs started flourishing, stupidity set in. Duff came with us Fastbacks as a “roadie” in 1984 down to L.A., and when we came back I reckon he moved to L.A. to escape that whole rigamarole. No one was getting anywhere here anyway. A bold move at that time, at the advanced age of 20!

1987

Word is Fastbacks have had between 12 and 20 drummers. Short of naming every single drummer, are there a few you’d like to point to as having had a particularly interesting stint; or who went on to other bands?

Gosh, all the Fastbacks drummers had something great about them. There were a few who only did one show. I publicly apologize to those who didn’t last. Those were strange times. I don’t think there are any unsolved mysteries in the Fastbacks drummer world, Dan Peters, who recorded a couple songs with us but no shows, Tad Hutchison, and Tom Hendrikson, who each did one show…. Some convoluted moments for sure, and all killer drummers!

Do you think if you would have remained drummer for Fastbacks that you would have still gotten into production?

Yeah, I think the fascination with recording was parallel to the live playing side of things, it was always there in my constitution. Wanting to learn, wanting to figure out how to make records that captured how killer bands sounded. It was such a tall order back then. Seemed like the old guard [engineers] didn’t “get it,” or were prohibitively expensive; and so many of the others didn’t sound kickass like we wanted. Of course this comes from the actual band, first and foremost; that is learned the hard way! But if the band blazes at their show, it seemed that their records should sound blazing too, but that wasn’t often the case.

1988

1989

From what I remember, the Fastbacks rep was that of the favorite local band of all the Seattle bands, and hence got on as openers for bands who would soon get huge during that whole grunge thing…

Pretty hard to say from the inside view. We had the unfortunate hurdle of being broken up from late-1988 till mid-1990. A lot of opportunity probably squandered during those times. But, unlike anyone else I can think of, we did get a second chance via Sub Pop, and another decade of rock. I know we were quite lucky in that department. We never did gigs large or small with Nirvana, Soundgarden, sort of the class of ’89. We did share a slightly miserable practice space with Green River and later Mother Love Bone. Always pals with those cats, so we did do opening stints with Pearl Jam in 1996, all around the world.

What was miserableness about it?

Oh man, that place… It was in a basement in Pioneer Square, the old, original downtown Seattle. The Great Seattle Fire devastated downtown in like 1889, and they rebuilt the city on top of the old city, one floor higher. So our basement was on the level with the old, original city; some rooting around could be done. There was no bathroom or running water down there, so you had to go to the bar a block away to use the facilities, but often you just couldn’t be bothered. In the space next to ours, it was a smashed up, decrepit old room that we moved all the garbage from our side into. No lighting of any sort, so it was all flashlights if you had them, and filling up bottles of pee and putting them where ever we could find room.

But of course we raged supreme down there, some epic parties, bands playing, and whatnot; of course no water or facilities, but grand times in the ’80s. Somehow, I ended up being in charge of paying rent, not the best job for me to take on. It meant tracking down Andrew Wood once a month and trying to get him to pay his share of their rent. First it was Malfunkshun, and Green River was there too. We might’ve blown up before Mother Love Bone started? I think I remember Green River blowing up too, after their California trek; it would’ve been not too long after that that The Fastbacks unceremoniously imploded. But for a while it was definitely a rager.

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Nifty, random link I stumbled on with some cool early Fastbacks fliers, stories, and live stuff.

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1992

While you didn't play with the "biggies" of the scene as much as I thought, got any early Nirvana or Soundgarden tale of any sort you'd like to share?

Our fabled practice basement was just a couple blocks from The Central, a venue that was sort of home base for a lot of stuff. The Vogue as well, it was on the north end of downtown, we were on the south end. Many people had keys to the place, so it was not surprising to duck in between sets at The Central, to have cheap beers or whatnot. I first saw Soundgarden at The Central, and they were certainly mind-blowing. Would’ve been ’87? Quickly became a favorite Seattle band, and when their first 7” came out, my roommates hated me. I had a tendency to play those 45’s over and over and over again. But they played The Central a lot, and just got better and better, heavier and heavier. I remember the first time they played “Beyond The Wheel”, it was at the Vogue. I was standing next to Mark Arm and we looked at each other and just said FUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH…

The first Nirvana show I saw was also at the Vogue, it was maybe not the greatest Nirvana show, but man I thought that singer was amazing. Shortly after, Jon Poneman (Sub Pop co-founder) was at the bar there and said, “If you buy me a coffee now, I’ll give you a 45 tomorrow that will change your life.” An easy proposition. Sub Pop HQ was half a block away, he gave me a “Love Buzz” 45, and once again, the roommates had a reason to hate. I must’ve played that record 100 times in a row. Might’ve taken them a bit to find their pummeling style, but man they sure did. Then after Bleach had been out a while, all the rumors of major label this and major label that… So exciting and weird.

Who is a favorite Seattle “grunge era” band you really dug and maybe didn’t get the recognition you think it deserved? Mine are the Derelicts and Zipgun.

Of course! Pure Joy, Flop, H-Hour, the Meices – wait they were actually from SF… Huge Spacebird, Once For Kicks…. Have you got an hour or so?!

I know you are no doubt tired of this question, but do you have a late ‘80s/early ‘90s story or show that happened where you thought, “Damn, this Seattle scene thing is getting some real attention? This is fucking weird.”

After the Fastbacks blew up in 1988, I started playing with the Young Fresh Fellows, and we were off and running pretty hard right away. Certainly a parallel path from the Seattle Grunge Explosion, but a decent path it was! I was pals with Jon and Bruce (Pavitt) at Sub Pop when they started, so I’d go hang out at their early HQ/distributor place downtown. It was amazing to see some of these bands blow up when they did.

Young Fresh Fellows, 1989; Kurt Bloch far right

I suppose the thing that sealed it for me was listening to the advance cassette of Nevermind on a Young Fresh Fellows trip. Scott McCaughey had been assigned to review it for local music rag, The Rocket, and I nabbed it from him on a trip out East. It totally blew my doors wide open. Already having been a superfan since that “Love Buzz” 45, and seeing a couple of the shows they did here before going out to record that album, then hearing it for the first time on headphones; then as our tour progressed, seeing the record just going ballistic at every record store, it was just crazy. It never stopped getting bigger and bigger. This is so fucking weird!

Strange feeling of seeing a local band you saw shlubbing around town or peeing next to them at a dive, to hearing them play in a grocery store in Nevada, or whatever....

Soundgarden was the first one I remember blowing up. They went from Sub Pop to SST to A&M – they sorta seemed to have their shit together pretty well. Alice In Chains were kinda off our radar, they were only on the Rock radio stations; it wasn’t until their second album that I noticed that they actually were killer. But Nirvana, they were crazy cool from the get-go, not in the FM Rock station sort of way, but the punk underground sort of way. Plus I didn’t really know them at the beginning, so there was way more mystery about them. A couple legendary Seattle club shows before they went off to start Nevermind; the OK Hotel first playing of “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” we were just transfixed – What the fuck is this?! Then the Off Ramp show, they went on really late, and got cut off right before 2am. Somehow the club picked up the empties and let the band play on into the night, and what a show it was. Then… nothing.

Didn’t really hear anything from Nirvana ‘til the advance cassette of Nevermind went out, and of course thinking, if I like this so much, it’s probably never gonna go anywhere. Wrong. It was like a slow ball of fire, radio then record stores, like every record store playing it, every magazine… It would’ve made you hate a lesser band, but it really was great so there was a sense of pride attached to it all. Finally something we loved is big. But then how big? There seemed to be no end to it. It was everywhere. And so weird to think that kids dug something that was blazing and amazing.

Were you defacto producer of Fastbacks from the get-go of recording?

Oh for sure. Not by strong-arming anyone, but just because there was no money, and no one else could be bothered! Our first 45 was with Neil Hubbard and Jack Weaver, as we were doing a song for a Seattle comp LP, and as per the usual, just recorded some extra songs in our allotted time. The first EP was Peter Barnes, drummer for The Enemy, killer Seattle band and very much an inspiration to all the bands in the late-’70s in Seattle. Then after that, it was trial by fire.

Can you tell me more about The Enemy, and their local import?

The Enemy pretty much initiated the punk “scene” in Seattle. There were a few bands, but they started a club, it was all ages, March, 1978. Otherwise it would’ve been hall shows, but The Bird brought everyone together. Originally only open for a few months, but there were shows there every Friday and Saturday, it really did give us something to do.

My first band, The Cheaters, might not have actually played anywhere if not for them. We could have languished in my parents’ basement forever if not for being stopped by The Enemy members at a Ramones show: “Hey! Are you guys in a band? Would you want to play at our club we’re opening up in a few months?” Of course we said yes, we didn’t tell them that we were just barely a band, we’d never actually played a show, nor would we maybe ever had if not for their offer. We were just teenagers, my brother Al was still in High School. But they took us in and let us play shows. The drummer, Peter Barnes, filled in for a night our real drummer couldn’t play.

Everyone knew each other, when it was time to record what was to be The Fastbacks’ first EP, Peter volunteered to be our producer. He figured out how to get cool, kickass sounds and make things happen. No one had any money or experience so it had to be on a budget, but he made it happen. The record turned out great. “In America” was on the commercial new wave station, we thought we had it made!

I thought I knew what to do, to various degrees of success. Conrad Uno at Egg Studio did much of our first album. He was wise beyond words and also a great teacher. After that LP was finished he was all, “You can do all this, I think, I’ll be back at the end of the night to close up!” Then it seemed like the right avenue. So many producers seemed like they just wanted to add stuff in order to have their presence be felt. I always felt, like – what is the least amount of stuff we can have on here to make it happen? Less stuff, but louder. Certainly not against adding things, but also happy to leave things out as much as possible. Always loved the one-guitar bands that didn’t double everything all the time. Makes you think a little harder about what you’re doing.

1994

Okay, I will name a band, and you give me the first thing that comes to mind when you think of your production gigs with them:

Presidents of the U.S.A.

We’d do several takes of any given song, as the band was learning them, Chris (Ballew, singer) would play his two-string bass flawlessly every take, and sing a scratch vocal that could’ve been used as the keeper. Never a mistake, never less than killer every time.

Robyn Hitchcock

Also just an amazing music machine. Put him in an iso booth with a mic for vocal and one for acoustic guitar. He’d show the band a new song and go into the booth, sometimes it would just be one take and they’d nail it, with the lead vocal included. Never a lyric sheet in sight. A brain that truly works overtime. Peter Buck playing his 12-string on a song that he had just heard, and plays flawlessly the first time. Great Peter quote: “I like to get things right.” Indeed!

Fastbacks

Ha!! Some of the recording we’ve done astounds me to this day. It’s like any idea we had, we’d just do it. I swear, no one ever said, “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Listening back to the early ’90s recordings, there truly is something about inspiration and enthusiasm that really is inspiring and enthusiastic! Some of that music is pretty weird, even some songs that I wrote, I can’t imagine where they came from. I know we did them and all, but what was the impetus, where did they come from?!

Nashville Pussy

Another tale of just trying not to ruin a band that sounded killer. Amazing to think that they all fit in the tiny live room at Egg for that first album. The sheer volume of air pressure in there was unbelievable. A perfect example of what we’d set out to do, just try to not let the recording process get in the way of the recording. And nominated for a Grammy! I went with them to the Awards show – limo, booze, and afterparties. We were scheming all the horrible things that we’d say when we won the award, who we were gonna thank, who we were gonna blame. Of course there’s no way we’d win, they barely could say the name of the band when reading off the nominees! But what an experience. So many laughs.

Mudhoney

Five Dollar Bob’s Mock Cooter Stew (Reprise, 1993) doesn’t get enough props. I think it’s a great record. I really tried to make each song sound different and killer in its own way. Dan Peters (drummer) is always dishing out the quality.

Young Fresh Fellows

It’s easy to work quickly with a band you’re in. You kind of already know what’s going to happen, you know how to set up since you’ve already seen what works and what doesn’t over the last decade or two. We had intended to record maybe four or five songs for Tiempo De Lujo. Somehow we’d crammed all four of us in the basement here; after the two days we’d recorded twelve band tracks – so an album it was! Toxic Youth as well. We’d gone over to Jim Sangster’s living room to learn a few songs before starting recording the next day, and once we got going, they just kept coming and coming. When inspiration strikes, keep the tape rolling!

Can you describe Conrad Uno's Egg Studios; the kind of size or situation you were dealing with? Was there like a famous recording board there you worked with?

Egg Studio, where I and others honed their chops, was a welcome alternative to the “normal” studios of the time. It was truly a basement studio, the performance room was smaller than an ordinary living room. Many bands’ rehearsal spaces were larger than this. But it really did have a relaxed feel to it, and loud bands could all set up in the room and play live and get a good sound. Mudhoney, Nashville Pussy, Supersnazz, Devil Dogs, Supersuckers, Zeke – it was home base for so many great albums.

Conrad Uno moved into the house in maybe 1987, I reckon we finished Fastbacks …And His Orchestra there; and by early 1988, we began Very Very Powerful Motor, then the Sub Pop 7” and Zücker sessions. It began as an 8-track studio. Conrad brought in the Spectrasonics console that was formerly at Stax/Volt studio – rumored to once be owned by Paul McCartney, under whose purview a varispeed knob was installed. The knob remains, it’s Paul’s Knob. The console is now at Crackle And Pop studio here in Seattle, and is working better than ever.

Before Mudhoney began their third album, Piece of Cake, their second at Egg, they bought a 16-track machine for the studio, and that was the classic setup for so many records there in the ‘90s.

1996

I personally would love to hear about making the classic Devil Dogs album, Saturday Night Fever (Crypt/Sympathy for the Record Industry, 1994). Whose idea was it to make it kind of like a party, with friends and fans whopping it up in the studio between songs?

It was their idea from the beginning to make it a party album, “You have been invited… to a party!” Another band that didn’t need any fancy fussing about, they already sounded like a house on fire. Just tried to record them and not get in the way, make sure that the playback sounded like it did in the room with them.

Definitely the last night of the session, they invited all their Seattle friends over for a party, and we played the songs from the album through twice, if I remember, and just had a mic in the room while they were going. All the bottles clinking and all the blabbering was totally what happened. There was so little time to get everything done while we were there. They had booked two gigs on recording days – one out of town in Bellingham! Basically it was like wrangling the Three Stooges to record and mix a full album and an EP in like five days. Let’s just say that the morning hours were not particularly productive. But fortunately, when they were on, they were unstoppable. And so fuckin’ funny! What a fucking great record!

Oh yeah, definitely the most hilarious band to tour with too! We did a month with them once in Europe, traveling in the same packed little van. And even the bad hungover mornings in the van drives would lead to so much cracking up. Singer Andy G. sometimes stood up and imitated Tom Jones live. Anyway, can you recall who all was in the “crowd” on that record?

Honestly, I don’t! The studio was in a neighborhood, so all sessions had to be finished by 10pm. I loved the idea of recording a loud listening party and then mixing that in with the album, but it was so precarious to cram a bunch of drunks in the tiny studio and try to not let any gear get ruined, while still egging on loud misbehavior. Then getting all the cats out of there by 10 and not annoying Conrad or his neighbors in the process.

You must have some fun Andy G. stories too.

All three of those guys had their moments! Andy, Steve, Mighty Joe. Someone should’ve given them their own TV series. It might not have lasted very long, but what a show it would’ve been. I’ve never seen a group rile each other up the way they did. Should’ve had a room mic going constantly while they tried to make a group decision. There was way more work than we had time for. Somehow we got it all done, but just barely.

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Crypt Records, 1993

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And here’s where I decided to check in with Devil Dogs drummer, Mighty Joe Vincent, to get some more details on their Bloch party: "So, in the friends crowd [on the Saturday Night Fever album] was Eddie and Dan Bolton from the Supersuckers, James Burdyshaw and the rest of the Sinister Six, and a bunch of really cool women whose names have escaped my memory banks.

We def recorded on the Stax board. I remember because we had hopes that there was some soul residue left in the cables that might coat our tracks.

We totally loved Kurt. What’s not to love? I do remember that it was a Crypt budget recording so we had to make every minute count, so we were mixing until we were all so tired we were delirious. I’m pretty sure we went ‘til 2a.m. or something like that, but that was mixing. We did that in the middle of a tour, so we did about two weeks of gigs from NYC across this great nation of ours as well as that other great nation to our north, then out to Seattle. While we were doing it , we had a gig up in Bellingham, so we took a day off to drive up there.

I remember Scott Mccaughy was working there at Egg. I was talking to him one day and he told me his days of playing out on the road were over as his wife just had a kid and he had to be a good dad and provide a steady paycheck. I really felt bad for him. And then of course, a short time after that, Pete Buck asked him to come on the road with R.E.M. and said he would pay him a million dollars. Like an actual million dollars. That always made me happy to hear."

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And now, back to Kurt Bloch!

Who were bands you liked to tour with? And/or, a classic Fastbacks tour story?

We had some great west coast tours with DOA in the early-to-mid ’80s, they were definitely an early inspiration to go head-on and charge through best you can. They certainly blazed a trail for the rest of us to follow, doing everything themselves, like Black Flag did from Southern California. The ’80s were a rocky road for the Fastbacks. We played a lot of shows in Vancouver, BC, as well as Seattle, but it was a lot of problems and fighting, ha, and it wasn’t until the ’90s that we actually went out for any length of time – certainly getting into occasional serious trouble with The Meices, Motocaster, Gaunt, and even the New Bomb Turks!

Pearl Jam asked you to do some stadium shows in 1995, arguably the peak grunge year. How did you relate to the whole fame/stadium situation surrounding those shows?

It was January ’95, Pearl Jam asked us to play a radio show from their rehearsal space. I kinda didn’t know what they were talking about, and maybe sort of blew it off. I was trying to finish a Sicko record that night, couldn’t be bothered. I did like their Vitalogy record, “Not For You,” “Spin The Black Circle.” The rest of the Fastbacks were all, “C’mon, we’re doing this!” And I grudgingly told Sicko I was going to have to leave early. I didn’t even bring a guitar, I knew that Stone had a cool ‘50s Gold Top, maybe I could use that.

Then of course we get there and it’s really fun, just a big party scene, tons of buddies and band cats. We played three songs on the Pearl Jam gear setup, maybe Kim talked on the radio, drank some beers, great time! That was cool enough, but then they asked us to open a few shows at the end of the year, Salt Lake City and San Jose I think, and we’re all like, “Hell yeah!” And everything went well, then, “Would you want to go do a U.S. tour, oh and maybe a Europe tour following that…?” And we were all, “Hellz yeah!” And that all went great, clearly we would be the next big thing, the world is gonna love us, nothing holding us back now! We had a great record out, New Mansions In Sound (Sub Pop, 1996). Man, that was it – lots and lots of fun, great shows. We invented an auxiliary opening band for some of the shows, The What. We played Who tunes with Eddie Vedder incognito with a wrestling mask. We drag Mike McCready out for jams, Stone Gossard to sing one of his PJ songs, Eddie did “Leaving Here” with us a couple times, just great rock times in the giant venues. Somehow it didn’t lead to us being the Next Big Thing, but it was fun to pretend for a few months.

1994

Any good backstage shenanigans stories?

There weren’t a whole lot of super shenanigans. They had an espresso machine onstage every night, so we’d all slug down coffees, blast through our tunes, and then get drunk and watch Pearl Jam. Sometimes we would annoy their wonderful crew by being loud and boisterous aside of the stage, spilling bottles of wine or whatnot, but not much more than that. Everyone got along really well, and it was well-protected against after show bullies or negativity. We’d just keep on our course, often ‘til the huge sports arena closed down and they’d kick us out after everything had been loaded out – and we’d still be back there cranking tunes and running around.

It was totally like an arena-sized version of a living room party most every night. Their crew moved all the gear, we barely had to do anything except play every night.

I know you knew some of their members from earlier in the scene, but did you know Eddie Vedder before he got asked to join Pearl Jam?

I might not have met Eddie until the live radio show we did? He came up from San Diego. Didn’t know him before then at all, but we were fast friends. We would spend hours talking about the Who and riding around on the catering carts and smashing into the walls of the arenas. Come to think of it, we were probably very annoying. But no one, like, smashed up their hotel rooms or anything. It was probably comparatively tame.

Might sound weird, but while playing in the Seattle scene -- which is generally described as kind of serious, or dark, or junkies, or you know, “grungy” – did you and the Fastbacks feel kind of out-of-place; or are those kind of definitions of grunge and that town/time not correct?

The Seattle “thing” certainly was a dark, serious sound. That isn’t to say that every musician was dark and serious, but that darkness prevailed. To say The Fastbacks felt a little out of place at that point would be correct; but I always thought we were here first. It’s not like we didn’t dig lots of the bands, but it also wasn’t like we would try to take them on at their own game. It just wouldn’t’ve happened. We did do a version of “Swallow My Pride” – Green River’s, not The Ramones – on Sub Pop 200 [compilation], after a Soundgarden version too; but it ended up being menacing only in a Blue Öyster Cult sort of way, rather than ala either previous version. Slow and heavy just wasn’t in our DNA.

Columbus, OH, 1993 (Courtesy of Bela Koe-Krompecher)

I remember when Fastbacks stayed with New Bomb Turks while on tour in 1993, you guys, well I think specifically Lulu, made an amazing Thai meal for us. Did you always cook for bands you crashed with, or just for us ‘cuz we’re so awesome and nice?

Ha. I think the wonderful cooking was a bit of a rarity. We weren’t much of a crash on people’s floor kind of band by the ’90s, but sometimes it was great to have a day off and some good ideas! Remember that Metallica VHS box set had just come out, and we watched it ‘til the end because Lulu and I both worked on the film crew for the shows they filmed in Seattle, and we wanted to see if we, several years after the actual shows, got any credits at the end… and sure enough we did. Reason to celebrate!

Columbus seemed to love you. What were some other fave towns you played?

Always a great time in Columbus. Not necessarily Cleveland though. We weren’t the hard-touring road warriors that a lot of the other (more successful) bands were. It was whatever city we had friends in that were the best. Vancouver BC, San Francisco, L.A., NYC, maybe Albany, Columbus, Istanbul…

Contract and ticket for 1993 Columbus, OH show. (Courtesy of Bela Koe-Krompecher)

Highly technical and professional stage diagram implorations, Columbus, OH, 1993 show (Courtesy of Bela Koe-Krompecher)

I could be wrong, but you didn’t go over to Europe a lot, did you? Were you able to procure any production work from Euro bands you met whilst on tour there?

Oddly, not a lot of Euro tours… Seems like we should’ve done more, but there was always something. Young Fresh Fellows did some great trips, especially in Spain. Fastbacks Spanish tour was a bit of a dog’s breakfast. Not because of the people in Spain, no sir. We certainly lit it up in Japan once, though!

I did a couple albums for Les Thugs, the French band. One of them in Seattle and one in Angers. May have been bookended with some music travel. It’s amazing to look back at the old calendars and see that between tours with the Fastbacks and Young Fresh Fellows, recording with those two bands and recording other bands. Man, there were times when there was nary a day off, those ‘90s months were packed! Gotta consider myself pretty lucky. And so many killer records I got to be part of.

As a producer, do you feel you are mainly bringing an “ear” to finding the sounds the band wants, or do you try to gently impose a certain style and sensibility over the whole production?

Always try to keep the kickass factor high. I would never try to impose anything other than to try to keep everyone happy so they could do their best work, and not do the same bit over and over and over. Work hard and play hard, but not to overanalyze every little thing. Not under-analyze either, but if it’s killer, it doesn’t matter if everything “lines up” perfectly, or if the choruses speed up a little bit. Try to capture what is great about a band live in concert, and not dilute that if you can help it. Don’t add a bunch of crap just to put your mark on a project.

It's interesting how you professed a love for prog, but you had an innate sense of not always overdubbing too much – note your comment about loving bands that only had one guitar, etc.

The true exciting prog bands started coming out around 1968 and ’69, Yes, Genesis, King Crimson, Van Der Graaf Generator; Pink Floyd and Moody Blues had already been around but maybe weren’t quite included. Recording technique at the time was still fairly straightforward for the most part, there was of course room for overdubbing on an eight-track machine, but most of the first-wave prog bands’ recordings were not overloaded with overdubs. The magic was what they did with their four or five musicians, the arrangements you hear on the record were the same instrumentation as they played live. Some of the songs would have been concocted in a studio, but it wasn’t until later that walls of overdubs became commonplace.

That’s where the greatness of the original bands lies – cool vocal arranging and melding several songs’ worth of ideas into one track. Not a lot of room for squirminess either, it wasn’t so easy punching in on a giant eight-track tape machine in 1968. You made one mistake on that verse? You do the whole thing again!

Okay, gotta ask, with as much exposition as you’d like – what was your favorite recording session(s); and worst recording session(s)?

Pretty much always subverted the disasters. A time or two I told a band, after seeing a live show, that they weren’t quite ready to record yet; play a few more shows and practice a lot, record your practices and actually listen to them constructively. Studio time is expensive, practice time is (or at least was) cheap. You don’t have to have every bit of every song nailed down exactly, but do have most everything pretty well figured out, and be ready for criticism during the recording. If the rhythm isn’t working, be prepared to fine-tune your part so it is; if your harmony vocal is a half-step off, go ahead and adjust!

Some of the great sessions are those where I feel that I learned things, a new piece of gear, a new way of looking at things. Overwhelming Colorfast, Supersuckers, Les Thugs in France, The Meices in Florida… Or the records that just slammed out of nowhere. Devil Dogs, Flop, Supersnazz, Nashville Pussy. So many first albums by bands where they have been playing the songs at shows for a year or two, the tempos are up, the blood is pumping, get rid of the headphones and make it like you’re playing a gig. Play the song three times without stopping. Play three different songs in a row without stopping.

1999 (Courtesy of your's truly)

You’re still actively producing. What have you worked on recently you’d like to highlight? And what’s coming up?

There’s always some great Seattle band records going on – Bürien, 38 Coffin, Once For Kicks, Insect Man, The Drolls, Zack Static. These days, some records take a while to finish, I suppose it’s the nature of the business now. Trying now to clean the slate and get these out the door before starting new ones!

And there’s maybe a new Fastbacks coming, no?

There was no plan of any sort. We were having lunch as we sometimes do, and started talking about a couple songs it would be fun to learn and maybe record. Our pal Joe “Meice” Reineke had recently finished an ambitious and fantastic recording building in his back yard; wouldn’t it be fun to check that out….? Well let’s call him and see what his schedule is. Oh! he’s got a day open, whaddayasay, let’s take it. Well there’s a few other songs we could learn, let’s make it two days… I guess we’d better practice… What if we did enough songs for an album? Maybe we did! Got some band tracks, everyone played their butts off! Now we gotta make more magic. No target completion date nor avenue to release, but everyone is excited to finish it!

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Post Script: This article sprung from an editor at a national mag asking if I wanted to do a story on Kurt Bloch, which of course I said yes to cuz Kurt's a great guy and I've been a Fastbacks fan for a goodly spell. But some months passed and plans changed, and so here it is! Also, I would've put more videos in this piece because the Fastbacks have a ton of great songs, but I guess I just learned there is a 10-video limit for a tumblr post. Who knew?

All images courtesy of Kurt Bloch, except where noted.

#punk #fastbacks #Seattle rock #seattle scene #grunge #1990s punk #1990s rock #1990s #sub pop #nirvana #soundgarden #Kurt Bloch #garage punk #devil dogs #Mighty Joe Vincent #crypt records #Seattle punk #Conrad Uno #Egg Studio #mudhoney #nashville pussy #Presidents of the United States of America #robyn hitchcock #guns n roses #new bomb turks #gaunt #columbus ohio #Youtube

[queerfandomtrifecta]

OFMD 2 and the opposite Blackbonnet parallels in ocean emotional symbolism.

Okay so I know I’m firmly on the OFMD critical side because of s2 but here’s a little bit of meta that isn’t just straight narrative criticism. I missed being able to find the depth in the show and (say what you will bout Ed and Stede’s (non-existent) arcs this season (and believe me I’ve got a LOT to say there)) Be that as it may, this is a Stede and Ed/Blackbonnet meta post.

Also lovelies, please don’t derail the reblogs/comments into what you think is wrong about my first paragraph above here or just generally being rude. It’s not about that, and either way please just make your own post about your disagreements, plz and thanks ♥️

But recently I saw another piece of meta discussing Stede’s line as he’s making Low walk the plank.

Low: “You’re gonna toss me into the sea?”

Stede: “Works for spiders. Works for men.”

And it really got me thinking.

I thought that line was a little bit… oddly specific with the spider thing? Until it clicked that in s2e4, Ed is talking to Stede Bunnet/Wolf in the forest about how he has a tattoo of a spider on his hand because he had a phobia of spiders.

So yeah, it’s sweet that Stede seems to have been implied that Stede is throwing the scary spiders overboard for Ed (or at least has firmly instructed the crew to do so always). Clearly Ned Low (aside from just being horrible all around to the crew) has really been extra terrible on a deeply personal level to Ed. So Stede decides he’s is gonna throw him off the ship. That seems sweet (I guess, but with the massive caveat of I SWEAR I thought they would go a different direction with Stede’s first kill that Ed begged him not to do, but apparently that was supposed to be read as a positive improvement on Stede’s character?? Like yeah Ned Low was shitty af but like I thought they were going somewhere very different with the resolution but… anyway. I digress… that’s a separate post.)

Anyway, getting back to the point. At this point, it seems like the things Ed doesn’t like/scare him/make him viscerally uncomfortable have to get off the ship. Immediately. Spiders. Ned Low. The guy on the fancy ship in s1 who he instructs fang to lash to something heavy and throw him overboard (after skinning him).

But like, when Ed was having the first Kraken breakdown, the first thing that he let go in the breeze to be blown away and inevitably he lose to the ocean was his red silken pocket square. Immediately after that was Lucius, the first man he’d encountered since he’d clearly been hurt by Izzy and decided to become the Kraken. Lucius is calling him Ed and chatting chipperly and casually after Ed’s had his breakdown from first Stede leaving then again from what Izzy said, and Lucius has a history of putting Ed in his place, so between that and wrong place/wrong time, to the ocean Lucius went. The next was all of Stede’s things personal things. Books, (presumably) clothes, who knows what else. After that, almost Stede’s entire crew were taken off the ship and marooned in the middle of the ocean (save Jim and Frenchie).

S2 Kraken era starts, and the crew are told to throw their hard earned treasure into the sea. Throw it overboard, too much plunder, we have to lighten the load to make it to the next target. Izzy conveys to Ed the answer is no, the rest of that scene happens, and then Ed says “throw this shit overboard and get suited up.” Presumably they do before/while cleaning up Izzy’s blood. Next episode we see Ed playing with the Stede/Ed wedding toppers that night, breaking down into tears, and then finally going to the broken window and throwing the toppers one by one into the sea. After Izzy’s leg is amputated and he’s discovered alive, presumably Izzy’s leg is given a burial at sea (it’s unclear but I’m assuming it can’t stay aboard the ship and either way Ed clearly can’t even bear to look at it when he tells him “take the fuckin’ leg.”)

After Ed presumes Izzy killed himself, Ed goes on deck and talks to Frenchie, who is clearly terrified and just offers to throw himself overboard into the sea to make things easier. Ed says no, go live, brother. All the meanwhile he’s fully suicidal and planning to sink the very last thing of Stede’s, The Revenge, it’s crew (some of which began as Stede’s) and himself (notably finally wearing Stede’s cravat once again for the first point all season) into the ocean, to be lost to the depths forever with everything else Ed can’t handle for one reason or another.

The morning after Calypso’s birthday, Ed throws his leathers into the ocean. He’s done with that life, wants no more pirating, wants to be a regular guy, so into the ocean his Blackbeard “costume” goes.

Ed is spending so much time letting or trying to let the ocean swallow up everything that’s too hard for him. To let it all sink to the depths or at least be off the boat and presumably dead ASAP.

But like, you know what Stede spent all that time throwing into the ocean? Beautifully written love letters in bottles to the man he loves. Bottles that floated away, not sank, and he hopped, impossibly, the ocean might just carry them to Ed in some romantic adventure hero, love-story-for-the-ages type way.

Ed seems to feel doomed to a life of piracy he wants out of from the moment we meet in in s1, so it only makes sense that the ocean would feel like the inevitable destruction of everything for him.

Stede chooses the ocean and says how much he misses it multiple times. Of course it would seem like hope to him.

The fact that those two were reunited while I was drowning underwater and Stede was a sea creature, a mermaid, coming down to meet him where he was in his struggle in that scene and they stay there, met in the middle in the depths of the ocean which clearly means SO much to both of them in different ways as the scene ends. Idk. Something about that.

Anyway. This felt like maybe something but idk at this point. I have my feelings about s2 but I legitimately miss being able to analyze stuff and write meta! So. Here. Have this Blackbonnet ocean parallels/possible metaphors/symbology train of though.

#ofmd spoilers #ofmd #ofmd season 2 #gentlebeard #blackbonnet #ed teach #ofmd stede #stede bonnet #ofmd meta #ofmd speculation #ofmd critical #but just sort of #but I’m tagging it anyway lol

[vintagepvssy]

WE ARE SO BACK!

(we are so not back)

Hello lovelies!

I just wanted to write this as deep and loving thank you to everyone who has supported me, welcomed me and to the people who have been patiently waiting for new fics.

I’ve recently reached 100 followers and over 140k messages on c.ai. I just want to let you guys know how much this fucking means to me!!!!!!! AHHH I’m literally so pumped about it, like genuinely this fills my heart with so much joy. You guys make it so easy to want to keep making stuff and ugh I can’t even describe it.

I won’t yap too much about this though. Becauuuuuseee as a thank you I’m finally releasing more shit!! Yaaaaayy! (Bout’ fucking time)

First — A new Neil Lewis fic which you can read HERE. Purely smut, not a whole lot of plot to it. Definitely read the tags though…

Second — I’m releasing a few new characters for c.ai.

We’ve got:

Jim — from The Delinquent Season: you’re his new babysitter. Jim does have a wife in this so just be warned that he may try some morally corrupt things.

Cillian Murphy: fallen angel AU. He was banished from heaven and placed right on your door step. Will he return to heaven? Who’s to say. Probably not after what you’re going to do to him.

Jonathan Crane — from you already know: Dr. Crane is your therapist. Do what you will with that.

John Skillpa — from Peacock: You and John are long-time friends. John probably isn’t doing too well. Sorry John! I love him so much.

And of course, one that always pairs with the story I’ve written! Neil Lewis — from Watching the Detectives: You and Neil have just gotten engaged and are looking to grow and expand your lives together. How romantic.

Anyways I just want to add this last bit under the cut since this has been such an unbelievably long post. If you’ve gotten this far—thank you. And if you haven’t well, I don’t blame you one bit.

I just want to say that I’m back, I’m here but I will probably not be posting regularly at all. I got clinical major depression and a full time job that I hate so writing comes and goes as it pleases.

To add to that though I do have a lot of really fun fics in the works that I’m really fucking excited to share with you all. I’ve been trying to get more comfortable with writing shorter stuff but I have this problem where I just cant write anything shorter than like 5k, I don’t know I think I need to see a doctor..

Anyways I just want to top this off with saying again that I adore you guys so much. All the comments and messages I have received over the past few months have made me so happy. I’d love to talk to more of you and meet more people so please don’t be afraid or hesitant to reach out! I bite but I promise I just got my rabies vaccine updated. Tootles!

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy characters #becs fics #Becs characters #THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

[mistress-ofmagic]

I feel so low at the moment you guys I’m sorry for venting on here but sometimes it doesn’t feel like I have a space to vent anywhere else so I’m sorry bout that lmao

I know it’s not a helpful to keep running narratives over in your head but I feel like I have had a pretty rough year like the year kicked off with a gal I’ve been besties with since high school friend falling out with me bc I couldn’t go to her birthday party (that’s a whole other story lol) and I started a new job. The job is the same as the last but I still miss my old work friends a lot and feel disconnected from them. I then have had major surgery and recently my sister has moved out to far away who I am very close to and miss her a lot.

In the meantime I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything I feel numb and anxious and sad all the time and keep having such negative thoughts which I try to block out. I feel so alone a lot of the time and isolated from my best friend (who I live in a different city to) and we don’t talk that much anymore. I don’t feel connected to my boyfriend much anymore and (tmi?) I’m struggling so much in the bedroom lmao I can’t have sex at all I go into fight or flight and just can’t deal with it and get irritated.

In the past few years we’ve had covid obvs and I came home from my masters and had to recover from anorexia and then covid hit like a few months later pretty much. I kept thinking oh my life will start up when covid is over but we’re not in lockdown anymore and my life has not started up lol.

I literally have no motivation for anything I don’t wanna go to work I don’t really care about doing the doctorate anymore which was always my life’s dream because I feel like I won’t be able to hack it now because my resilience is low.

Anyway I know people have had it worse lmao but I feel like life has been like fairly crap for years now even and it’s not getting better actually more bad things keep happening and I don’t know how to fix itttttttt.

[clover-the-awesomest]

Talkin bout Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel) for a hot sec okay thanks

Okay. Listen. This is a pretty big topic I’m gonna be delving into, and it’s a topic I’ve had no real exposure to until recently, so a lot of the things I’ll be saying is of my own opinion. I will be talking about SA, child abuse, abuse in general, alcohol, self-destructing, SH, and Hazbin Hotel in general. All of these are very big topics (Yes, including Hazbin lol) so if you are not keen on listening to some outsider talk about these things, please leave. I don’t want you reading something that will actively make you uncomfortable.

And again, let me reiterate: I am an outsider looking in. I have had no real exposure to any of these topics until I watched Hazbin Hotel episode 4. This is not meant to be a call-out or me making any educated guesses. It is purely just for my sake and so I can say my piece about these topics. DO NOT, IN ANY CASE, ASSUME I KNOW 100% WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. I AM YOUNG AND DUMB, AND I AM VERY LIKELY TO MAKE SOME HOT TAKES HERE. IF I MAKE A MISTAKE OR SAY SOMETHING CONTROVERSIAL, DO NOT HESITATE TO HARRASS ME, BUT BE WARNED THAT I WILL NOT ENGAGE.

One final disclaimer: If you know anyone. ANYONE who is going through a rough patch, or someone who has experienced any of these things before or are currently going through it, please please PLEASE just at least reach out. Say hi. Make them a gift. Listen to them talk. Sit with them for a while. Stay on call with them for a while. Just… Just be there for them. Please. Even a little can go a long way.

With all that out of the way, here is my very overdue take on Hazbin Hotel episode 4: Masquerade.

———

====

It is depressing. Genuinely, it is a very sad and very raw episode. And honestly? It does not deserve any of the hate that it is most certainly receiving.

Masquerade is an episode all about the horrors of an abusive (Sexually and otherwise) relationship and how it affects the one being abused. Angel Dust, who’s been shown before this episode to be very toxic and sexual, is once again given the spotlight that he very much deserves, shedding light on his behavior and why he acts the way he acts.

What is genuinely saddening about this episode is that we know that what Angel goes through is not far from reality in the slightest. If we take away the magic and the soul contracts, we get a day in the life of a real human being in the world right now as you are reading this. Someone is out there being hurt, being abused, by someone they once looked up to. They are being manipulated, being slapped, being thrown against the floor, and all the while they are powerless to do anything. It’s such a sad, sickening reality that I wish wasn’t true, but it is, and that’s that. I want more than anything to be able to help these people who are being hurt and are being used, but I currently have no way of doing that and I feel so so terrible and wrong for saying that but it’s true and I just… Ugh. It’s so depressing, really. The lengths that other human beings are willing to go to just to have someone under their control at all times. I hate it, truly.

“When I say ‘Come,’ you say…”

“Yes, Valentino.”

“When I say you are fucking 20 guys before lunch, you say…?”

“Y-yes, Valentino…”

…

Valentino wants money and control. That is all this fucker wants. The moment he laid eyes on Angel’s desperate drunken ass he instantly knew he struck gold, and just like that, the spider was under his control. In the beginning, Angel did just as he was told with little pushback, because he was looking to make a quick buck and this was also literally a goddamn overlord he was working with. Disappointing his boss could spell disaster! After a while though, Val’s demands became much more intrusive and much more harsh than they were at the beginning, and Angel’s hope for a fresh start began to slowly fade away. Soon enough, he got to where he is now. Still working with Valentino, but wanting desperately to find a way out. To be free from this double-hell that he’s dug himself into. To be happy again. But of course, now that he’s dug himself a grave and has already lied in it for some time, he can’t exactly escape. Valentino has seen his work first-hand, has experienced it with his own disgusting fuzzy body, and loves it all with every fiber in his bones. He doesn’t just want someone to fuck 20 guys before lunch. He wants Angel to fuck 20 guys before lunch. He’s found his new favorite toy, and he intends to keep playing with it.

Now this is where the manipulation comes in. Angel wants to leave, he knows he does, but he also knows that he can’t. Literally, he can’t, because his soul is bound by a contract that only Val has access to, but even without that in the picture, he cannot leave. It was shown via a previous episode (I forget which one I’m not sorry) that Valentino cannot and will not let go of his favorite toy. He sends Angel text after text after text, voicemails, emails, calls, you name it. We see a clip of him sending Angel a large amount of voicemails, and in each one he switched between being nice and caring to his spider baby to going full on insane! He yells at Angel in one voicemail, then starts cooing and whispering in kindly tones in the next. It’s such a terrifying way of showing the abused that the abuser can change their mood on a dime and that they can’t control it. That they need an out, something to let their frustrations out on. It terrifies the abused into staying, leaving them both to fester in this cycle of cat and mouse for a while before one of them inevitably breaks said cycle. Though it usually isn’t broken until it’s too late.

There is one upper hand that Angel has over Valentino though, and it’s that he knows what Valentino is doing and doesn’t fall for those kinds of tricks. Angel is a spider, and spiders are well-known for being tricky and sinister and gross, so naturally he’d pick up on Val’s manipulative behavior. This then leads Angel into another issue in his life though, and that’s his coping mechanisms.

Since Angel knows how terrible Valentino’s treatment towards him is, and since he knows how much it hurts him, he turns to other things that don’t exactly help. Alcohol, drugs, clubbing, more goddamn sex like can this man please just stop having sex if he wants to get away from it please can he just have a break por favor-

These are good substitutes for the pain. They are like numbing agents, or more questionable anti-depressants. Angel goes to the club to forget it all, to forget how much everything hurts. He goes to get heavy drinks so that he can forget. He gets high so he can forget. He has sex so he can forget.

He hurts himself more so that he can forget.

Rather than talking with someone and dealing with his stress and emotional turmoil head-on, Angel pushes it away. Off to the side. Bottles it up in a small plastic container where he’ll never have to see it again! But when leaving a glass of water under the tap for too long, it’ll quickly begin to overflow, and that’s what we see happen with Angel in Masquerade. It’s been so long of him using his illegal methods of forgetting, of numbing the pain and ignoring it, that everything just begins to spill over. He starts losing his touch, starts affecting those around him who clearly had nothing to do with any of it in the first place. He oversteps Husk’s boundaries, is constantly rude to Charlie and Vaggie, and just straight up ignores everyone else. (As far as I’m aware. Not mentioning Pentious in this btw cuz he’s a temporary resident at the hotel.) Even when Husk calls Angel out on his behavior, even when he calls the guy fake, the spider does not, CANNOT, budge. He remains indignant, is still a cocky little bitch, and just tries his hardest to not drag everyone else down with him. It backfires horribly, of course, and Husk soon ends up dragging him away from his escape, from his anti-depressant. And Angel snaps.

”IT’S NOT AN ACT!! It’s who I need to be…! And this? This is my escape! Where I can forget about it all, how much I hate… EVERYTHING. A place where I can get high and not have to think about how much it hurts.”

And then… We get this line.

“And maybe, if I can ruin myself enough in the process, if I end up broken, I won’t be his favorite toy anymore.

And maybe he’ll let me go.”

…

This line hurts me so much. My chest aches every time I hear it. Because what it entails is genuinely horrifying. Angel is telling Husk that he is literally just a toy to Valentino, just a perfect plastic doll that he loves in a perfect plastic house that he owns. The spider doesn’t know how much it’ll take to full break himself, doesn’t know if he’s even able to do that, but at this rate he is very ready to see if he can. He wants to do that, he wants to break himself. Angel wants to become physically unable to do Valentino’s dirty work, to get thrown away just like all of Val’s previous toys did. He wants, more than anything else, to just get tossed into the trash and get crushed by the truck that collects him, just so he doesn’t have to be hurt by Valentino anymore.

But the part of his speech that truly hurts me is when he says that MAYBE Valentino will let him go. If Angel was so sure that his idea would work, that breaking his boss’s favorite toy will get him to lose interest, he would’ve said “And then he’ll finally let me go.” But instead he says Maybe. Because Angel isn’t even sure if Valentino will let him be free after all this. He is unsure if Val will lose interest, if he’ll be tossed aside, if he’ll be able to find happiness in his afterlife once he is broken. He’s so far from what he dreamed of that he is more than willing to hurt/kill himself, even when he’s unaware if it’ll even help him in the first place.

Seriously. How sickening is that??

And again, one of the saddest aspects of all this is that real people experience these things in real time, in the real world, right now, as you are reading this. It’s terrifying, scary, downright depressing to think about! How so many people are willing to kill themselves just for the slightest chance at grasping freedom, yet are unsure if they can even reach it once they have that chance.

The worst part is, though, is that before opening up to Husk, this was literally Angel’s only way of finding freedom. To break himself apart so that he couldn’t be used anymore. If he can’t be broken, if he can’t die, then Val will just keep using and using and using Angel. He’ll keep hurting him and abusing him and manipulating him, and the poor guy is very unable to do anything about it at the moment. It’s so sad and so twisted and I hate it so much.

This episode of Hazbin Hotel has been getting a pretty fair amount of hatred just for existing, and honestly for once, I can see why. It touches on a very, very heavy subject that not too many people are fully familiar with. And even if there are people who are familiar with/have experienced SA before, they most likely did not have the same experience as Angel does in the episode. Which, yeah duh, of course they didn’t! We’re not in Hell yet! But the way they go about it is horrible. I’m assuming people are hating on the episode for both painting SA in a terrible light, and also not being true to their specific events. So, in response to this, let me just say this…

Nobody, no matter what, no matter what you do or where you go or who you are, is gonna have the same exact experience. For example, I went on a big hiking trip with my dad over the summer, and I saw many other families go on the same exact path we did. And yet I could tell they all were doing fine, and they all enjoyed themselves, while I was feeling like I was gonna fall and die at any fucking moment and I just wanted to get back on solid ground. The view was nice but the journey honestly made me think I was gonna go splat right then and there and I was not too happy about that.

What I’m saying is that I did not have the same exact experience to anyone else on that trail. Everyone else except for me was doing fine, yet their experiences were all purely their own. This is what makes us human. The difference in appearance, expression, and experience. Thus, for people to come out and watch an episode all about SA and for them to expect it to be exactly as they imagined… No. just no. Get a therapist, please, because you clearly have something wrong with you.

And as for painting SA in a terrible light… That’s… That’s good though? SA is genuinely a horrible thing and I do not, under any circumstances, want anyone ever to go through anything remotely like it. We are human beings! We have compassion in our blood! Use it, for fuck’s sake! I do not want anyone to ever be hurt by anyone else that they know or love dearly. That is a thought I’d never wish on even my greatest enemy! So yes, it should be painted in a horrible, terrible light! It’s bad!

====

———

This episode was… It was a lot. I still get sad and depressed to this day whenever I watch it. What I watch Angel go through makes me sick. However, I’m glad that issues like these are being addressed and that people are talking about it. I don’t like it in the slightest, but that’s why it should be talked about more. We need to be able to help more people, and even though I can’t right now, I pray to God that someone out there is hopefully getting the help and love that they truly do deserve.

Thank you so so much for reading through that whole thing, I know it was a long one. I just have so many thoughts on episode 4. I’ve been working on this for almost an hour and a half now btw so I am very gladly going to end it here. Hope you show some love and respect to those close to you and I really do hope you keep the negative thoughts to yourself. Now go get yourself a drink of water, go eat a banana or a bowl of cheerios, text your loved ones and hug ur stuffed animal, and have a great day/night! Thank you.

#That was… That was a lot. Yeah. #Come harass me all you want idgaf #wordz #random shit #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel #has been hoe tell

[lacunadraws]

Hello, is everything ok?

You know, I’ve been thinking about how to answer this for far longer than I should have. So I’ll just be honest. The short answer is…no, not really. But another answer is that I’m not, like, poorly off. I imagine this question was asked in regards to the little post I made to acknowledge that all the blood sweat and tears crwby and co went through on account of the RT fiasco and then deleted. And that may have felt a lil cryptic and weird for you guys in regards to how little I’ve been posting anything.

I’ve got a lot of stuff going on at the moment, but also some personal stuff. Mostly it’s the medical and financial stuff that really worries me. I’ve got a respiratory thing going on and a thing that makes me phenomenally exhausted all the time. As well as a long term chronic illness Ivey lived with almost my whole life that’s also frustrating.

It’s also frustrating that I have a lot of creative stuff halfway started or like almost started, but I just lack whatever it is to pull me through to the finish. Fumes? Motivation? Not sure. It’s all stuff I want to finish an then stick on the tumblr fridge and say, “Lookie lookie!”

But I’m just constantly tired, and sick, and drained.

There’s a lot of work I want to get out there—fan works and original stuff, but I just don’t have the stamina right now, let alone wondering if I can even be successful doing what I do? It takes me forever to finish anything I do. And I sometimes wonder if I should just jump ship to writer-only career stuff versus art-only career stuff. I love doing both, but it’s wearing me down trying to do them in such a fruitless manner.

And I’m sure this is just the latest bout of burnout and depression, but I just haven’t found the right tools to help me cope yet, but I’ll get there.

Anyway, thanks for checking up on me. I apologize if that was kind of a downer. Truthfully, I’ve been getting better in recent days.

I hate ending texts on weirds points I didn’t plan out, so what’s the band you’ve been listening to most lately?

[dulcewrites]

Can you please write about Austin!Elvis taking black!reader on a date? Just pure fluff and a hint of steam. Your writing is so good!

One Night

Pairing: austin!elvis x black!reader

Requested: yes (thank you 🫶🏽)

A/N: ok I was excited about this ask because I’ve been wanting to do something that mentions austin!elvis going to the Memphis fairgrounds on colored night, like mentioned in the movie. Felt like this was the perfect opportunity.

This is silly, you think. The fact that you actually came just shows how far gone you are. The overpoweringly sweet smell of funnel cakes and fried Oreos is starting to make your head hurt. But Elvis said to meet to him near the food stands, so here you are.

“Are you sure this a good idea considering what they’re saying about you in the papers.”

“Let me worry about honey.”

Honey. You normally wouldn’t fall for that. You’re sure he calls a lot of girls that. But you’ve recently learned a sweet smile, and kind words are enough to do you in.

Right when you’re starting to get antsy, something catches your eye.

A stark white suit paired with a black lace shirt stands out against the various purples, reds, greens, and blues worn by the crowd of people. You only know one person that would wear a suit like that. You should’ve expected this; no matter where he is or what he’s doing, Elvis always seems to make a commotion. You watch as he signs autographs and interacts with the crowd of fans.

You raise an eyebrow when the two of make eye contact. He excused himself from the crowd and jogged over to you with a bright smile.

“You’re late,” you say immediately, despite knowing he probably had a reason. You’re a bit on edge because dating is new to you, especially when the date is one of the most talked about musicians in the country. The most talked about white musician in the country.

“I know, and I’m sorry,” he says a little breathless. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out daisies. “But I got you these.”

His smile drops when he sees how smushed they got, but you can’t help but laugh.

“Thank you,” you take the limp but still pretty flowers from him, your fingertips brushing when you do.

He’s nervous too. You can tell by how he’s smoothing down his hair and shifting his weight from foot to foot. It does make you relax a bit. He seems just as out of his depth as you.

“Did you know cotton candy was invented in Tennessee,” you ask trying to break the tension with mindless trivia your friend mentioned while you two were getting ready.

Elvis smiles, tilting his head to the side.

“Well, then we must get some.”

You two share probably the biggest bag of cotton candy you’ve ever seen after going back and forth on whether the pink kind is better than the blue kind (which it totally is). The conversation turns from sugary treats to how nervous he is for the release of his first major motion picture.

“I’ve wanted this for so long, and now it’s weeks away,” he shakes his head as you both walk towards the carnival games. “I don’t really know how to feel ‘bout it.”

With how successful his career has been so far, sometimes you forget that he’s just a guy trying to live out his dreams. His very ambiguous, and in your brain, scary dreams.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m very excited to see it.”

His eyes get soft. Your heart rate picks up when he grabs you hand and laces it his. You start to get it; why your friends are so happy when their boyfriends are mentioned. Liking someone this much makes you feel like you’re floating. It’s all sickeningly sweet, right down to him insisting he wins you the giant stuffed bear you offhandedly said was cute. You learn Elvis is an excellent shot.

The night went by so fast that you feel a bit deflated when you see your best friend, Michelle, standing near where you and Elvis are. She points at the watch on her wrist. You know how your parents are; the last thing you need to be is late getting back home. You turn to wish Elvis a good night.

“Thank you for the cotton candy, oh and for Mr. Snuggles,” you smile, shifting the chocolate brown bear to your other hand.

“Thank you for saying yes to the date.”

He knows how apprehensive you were about the whole thing. Saying yes to the date is probably one of the better decisions you’ve made in a long time. Before you can tell him that, he takes you by surprise grabbing your face and kissing you square on the lips.

You learned then that on top of being a beautiful singer, future movie star and great shot, that Elvis is also a really good kisser. Painfully, makes you weak in the knees type of good. He whispers goodnight against your lips, and you assume he knows the power his kisses hold because he smirk he gives you afterwards.

You’re a bit dazed after he leaves. Michelle having to walk up to you and tug on your arm to break you out of the trace. While walking back to the car, you think about how fairgrounds might be your new favorite place.

#austin!elvis x reader #black!reader #elvis 2022 #my writing #requests #austin!elvis x black!reader #elvis x reader #black!oc

[twilightmalachite]

Raison d’être - The Nameless Girl 8

Author: Akira

Characters: Kuro, Nazuna

Translator: Mika Enstars

"I wonder if that Itsuki will be alright… While I’m glad that they’re getting along so well, I worry he’s gotten a bit too attached to Kagehira lately."

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Nazuna's University

The next day. Near the university Nito Nazuna attend’s tennis court…

Kuro: —Ah? What’re ya talkin’ about?

Nah, I haven’t seen Kagehira’s face around for some time now. I didn’t hear of anythin’ ‘cause I’m scared of—I mean, have no interest in vehicles, maybe his plane hasn’t arrived yet?

Yer fussin’ too much, Itsuki. Kagehira ain’t a kid anymore, y’know, it’s fine t’just leave him be.

Ah~… Gotcha, gocha. He’s been actin’ strange, so you’re worried and just keepin’ an eye on him. Alright.

Haha. No need to thank me, after all this time.

We’re close friends, aren’t we, “Icchan”?

Huh? Nah, I’m over at Nito’s university, watchin’ over his activities in the tennis club…

I ‘unno if ya know, or rather care ‘bout what goes on over in this country…

But right now, Nito, rather all of Ra*bits, are tied up with some Kira… whatever, some person with some sparkly soundin’ name.

That’s right. That’s exactly what made it so subtly inflammatory. The whole thing smells fishy to me.

So, that’s why I’m worried he might get involved with someone strange or get bullied, so I’m accompanyin’ him securely to keep him safe.

Huh? He’s already gotten involved with someone strange? What do ya mean—I’m just protectin’ Nito as any pal would.

Nazuna: And it’s just plain a bother…

My friends at college got really worried about me since you come off so intimidating and threatening, Kuro-chin~…

What am I supposed to do if a rumor gets spread around that I’m “dating a delinquent!” or something?

Kuro: Oh, Nito. Done with tennis already?

Nazuna: Yup. It’s not too serious a circle, we only really just show our faces at the arranged time.

University is generally more carefree, but you can’t afford to neglect socializing. Though truthfully, that doesn’t really apply to me—

Kuro: Haha, well it’s fine, right? Makin’ human connections like that may end up helpin’ ya sometime down the line.

They say the good you do for others is good you do yourself, right?

Nazuna: Right. Anyways, I spoke up to complain to you Kuro-chin, but you were on the phone, weren’t you? Sorry if I interrupted you.

Kuro: Ah, no worries. The call’s already ended. It was Itsuki askin’ me ‘bout Kagehira. He’s supposed to have arrived back in the country.

Nazuna: Is he his parent? Actually, why didn’t he just act him?

Kuro: His calls weren’t goin’ through to Kagehira. He was sayin’ he might’ve turned off his phone when he got on the plane and forgot to turn it back on.

Nazuna: Hmmm. He only just arrived back today, has it really been long enough for him to start to worry?

I wonder if that Itsuki will be alright… While I’m glad that they’re getting along so well, I worry he’s gotten a bit too attached to Kagehira lately.

It’s just a morbid hypothetical, but I feel he’d be ruined if Kagehira suddenly disappeared or something… He might not be able to recover from it, he might figure that life is already short, so he might as well disappear.

Kuro: Haha. That guy’s surprisin’ly thick-skinned when he has to be, though.

You’re worryin’ too much, Nito. I know to ya, Itsuki is a delicate and short-tempered artist…

But I’ve known him since he was a snot-nosed kid, and I think that image he’s recently been givin’ off is downright a lie.

Like who the hell are ya, some solitary artist?

Nazuna: Fufu, I guess it’s a given, but you know a lot about Itsuki that I don’t, Kuro-chin.

Kuro: The same goes for ya, though. I don’t know the Itsuki of Valkyrie at all.

It just ain’t possible for one person to fully understand another perfectly, no matter how close they are. I mean, there’s still so much ya dunno ‘bout yourself!

Nazuna: You’re totally right! You can’t just abandon your friends and family just because you don’t understand them, though.

Kuro: —Hey?! Oi, you, this ain’t a show! Do ya losers have a problem with my Nito!?

Nazuna: Sorry. Correction. Maybe not your family, but it’s alright to abandon your friends. Cause me any more trouble, and I’ll be cuttin’ you off, Kuro-chin~…♪

[ ☆ ]

← prev | story directory | next →

#raison d’être #raison d'etre #event #translation #kiryu kiryu #nazuna nito

[safetycar-restart]

A little update:

Evening lads! I know I’ve been super inactive here recently so I just wanted to give you a little update about what’s happening. There’s two main things going on.

Firstly, I’ve just been struggling with pretty bad mental health lately. Not quite sure why, but I’ve been struggling with large bouts of executive dysfunction, anxiety attacks, mild depressive episodes, etc and I’ve just really been struggling to want to write because of that. I’ve learnt that when I’m like this, it’s best not to pressure myself into writing if I don’t think I can because doing so will only make me feel worse.

Then secondly, on a much lighter note, on Sunday I’m flying to Europe! I’ll be in Europe from this Sunday until the following Tuesday (so 9 days) and obviously I’m super excited but of course there’s also a ton of stuff to arrange and get ready. This means that all of the very little energy I’ve had lately has gone into planning the trip and packing and making sure everything is ready.

So yeah! That’s why I’ve been very inactive.

However, I am planning on writing tomorrow night. If all goes well, I’ll have everything organised for my trip by tomorrow afternoon and then my plan is to just relax and write until I go to bed. This will be the last bit of writing you guys get from me for a while because I’ve decided that I won’t be posting at all while I’m in Europe because I really want to just disconnect from everything and try to relax. However I will be writing, I just won’t be posting what I write until I get back which means you guys will have lots of content to look forward to when I return. (So if you have thoughts during that time, send them! I’ll see them and write them but only post them when I get back)

I hope you guys can understand this, and that you guys are looking forward to the last night of writing for a while tomorrow.

See you all then!!

#shelsthoughts

[gashface]

When things are bad, it's good to remember the happiest days.

Hey guys,

Welcome to the final week!~ This prompt we wanted to challenge our contestants by requesting 3 photos, all separate days and just overall learn that last bit about them all. Before we get to the results, as this is the final week;

I will also be including the final results for the competition in a post following this one <3

Now onto the results!

Charline Morel by @cyazurai

“What are the three happiest days of my life? Oh, wow… what a question. You know when you get asked these kinds of these suddenly you can’t remember a single happy day? It’s the pressure, haha. I promise I have had happy days. Oh wait, actually, I know the first one! It was the day I told my parents to- well. I told them I wasn’t going to listen to them anymore and I was going to live my own life. They were trying to get me to apply to Juilliard or something, and I had no desire to go, you know? I don’t even know if they take singers, I never cared enough to check. Anyway, they were telling me I needed to stop beating around the bush and get to filling out my applications, and I’d had enough. I just lost it, and told them where they could go. I’d been saving up money to get out of that abusive household, and I just up and left that day. It was the most freeing, best feeling I’ve ever had. Sure, later I regretted doing it so suddenly because I left my sister behind, and I didn’t have anywhere to go for a while, but I didn’t regret actually leaving.”

“My second happiest day has to be the day I got my first tattoo. I was still just living off of the money I’d been saving from the allowance my parents gave me - rich kid privilege - and while I was looking for a job, I decided, you know, I wanted to do something more to stick it to my parents. In case I ended up giving in and going back to them on my hands and knees, at least I’d have something physical on my person that would rebel against their obsession with appearances. Though it did hurt and I felt, uh, a little faint. I don’t like needles, never have - but the artist was really nice and helped me get through my initial queasiness. I dated him a little bit after that, too, but it didn’t work out. Oh well.”

“And, well… my most recent favorite day was the day I got my first modeling gig. It was nothing big, it was just for a small internet store that was trying to get off the ground. Since they couldn’t afford anyone with experience, they gave me a chance, and I decided that being in front of the camera is one of the best feelings. It’s kind of freeing - I could be whatever, whoever I wanted to be. Maybe I’m just really narcissistic and like modeling because I know I’m pretty, but I like to think it’s just because I can really express myself this way. And I’ve never really been able to do that before.”

POINTS

ORIGINALITY: 10/10

STORY: 10/10

EXECUTION: 9/10

STYLE: 9/10

Dillion Carter by @mewo-ita

Can’t believe it’s really the end… personally, think the theme is real fittin’. For this one, figured I won’t bore you with the things you already know bring me happiness and I’d tell some new things bout’ myself. I’m gonna make this easier by goin’ in chronological order. One of my first happiest days was when I was just a teen— fifteen, specifically. My family had to go on a trip to Japan for work and at first, I hated it. But then I met this boy a year older than me, Suzuya. We were pretty close by the end of the trip and I figure that’s why he asked me to go to the summer festival with him. Who would I be if I said no? Even if Japan is still not my favorite place, it looked just gorgeous then; the yukatas, festivities, and the bright stalls. Suzuya laughing and grinnin’ at me when he picked me up to watch the fireworks. We still kept in contact, but even if I am not able to see him and Japan personally again— the pure joy I felt that night I’ll always remember.

For the last happiest day, I would say it was during my first ever job. I was a young nineteen and lifeguard of this one beach— it was honestly perfect since I’ve always loved to swim. It wasn’t a very serious job and I was free to wear whatever as long as I wasn’t nude and I had the colors red and white. So I wore my favorite shirt whenever I went to always get these girls that kept going out really deep in the ocean despite me saying NOT to go. Sigh, anyways, wouldn’t trade that first day for the world. Had the time of my life.

I was an absolute mess in junior year of high-school. So naturally I took up a hobby to distract myself from the drain of it all— spray painting. I was first invited to paint with couple of boys in my year that Thursday night and when the time came, I had felt so free. My first tag was horrendous since I’m not an artist, but the idea of just leaving your mark somewhere and the bright colors is so compelling. The adrenaline rush I got from it while ducking authority figures was also irreplaceable. It was reckless looking back, which was why I eventually ended up being chased by the police after the boys left me. But even then, I just couldn’t stop myself from busting out laughing. Despite everything I would never take it back. I would definitely call it one of my happiest days, and if I had to name that day, I would call it “Smells like teen spirit.”

POINTS

ORIGINALITY: 10/10

STORY: 8/10

EXECUTION: 10/10

STYLE: 9/10

Now those are some memories, and I feel like I learnt so much about the models. Thank you for the effort put into this week, I know it was a challenge but I wanted to see three different sides of your sims through their life. It was informative and I am so proud of the creativity you both have!! <3

TIME TO TALLY THE RESULTS OOOOO

Thanks guys x

- Buddy

#week7 #SHINE #week7prompt #ts4 #sims 4 #sims4 #week 7

[bugbyte]

The past few days have been a total nightmare. I’ve barely slept even though I keep trying. I’ve had multiple panic attacks. I had to drag myself through a bunch of appointments.

It’s that thing where stress == pain flare, and then it’s just stuck in a feedback loop. My body is screaming and I can’t sleep and I’m so exhausted.

Check content warnings for the below stuff, I’m just awake and feeling awful and need to scream into the void or something. The following is me working through stuff in a disjointed way and is probably emotional and kinda irrational.

I don’t know anything yet and I cannot stop crying about my cat. I just have this awful sense of dread for tomorrow morning and I can’t make it stop. It might be ok. But it might not. I’ve done my best and I’m kind of furious at the entire situation because all the emergency vets priced us out at the start, our vet wouldn’t do an emergency visit, and the best we could do was wait. How is that fair or humane?

I understand they’re a business, ultimately, but we’ve been going there since Milo was a kitten, and now he’s 15 years old. If they had let me I could have put down some kind of payment and figured out the rest if I could have had a day or two to flex. Which I did with the gofundme, but they wouldn’t even give me that little bit of time. He’s gone there forever, they have records, obviously they know we’re good for it. Long story short, my family’s been taking our pets there since forever, but the vet who originally opened the business retired and sold it. That guy was amazing, and so kind no matter what you were going through. Years ago I had a cat whose kidneys had failed and there was nothing to be done, and he was so kind about the entire process. This is the kind of person I wish I could be dealing with now. The man loved cats, too, which helped. He got it. The new ownership is not so empathetic, but that’s a recent change.

They used to allow breaking up payments but I guess that changed for whatever reason and the only one suffering for it is my cat. And if it turns out that it’s some kind of “well if you came in 3 days ago…” situation I am just going to lose it. He is such a good boy and he does not deserve any of this.

I just feel desperate and afraid and angry and I’m sure this is all grief, but it’s just compounded so much with everything else that’s been happening in my life lately. It seems like grief is the only emotion I have anymore. Which, yes, I have a therapist and we are Working On It™️, but it just never ends.

I want to scream, endlessly. I am overwhelmed. I just want my cat to be ok. I know he’s old, especially for a cat, but by god if he isn’t trying to keep up with his usual antics. He takes a long, long rest and then follows it up with a bout of stealing my hair tie and tearing off with it before I can stop him (I let him take this one this time), or somehow suddenly having the energy to climb a stack of boxes so he can be The Tallest. So I don’t know what to make of it. He’s just very stubborn and persistent like that, in all things.

I am trying to make myself tired enough to sleep and he’s hanging out under the bed. I can hear him making little noises and it makes me feel better that at least he’s close by, and still wants to be around his people. He always wants to be with his people. I can’t picture us without him.

I even had a couple of really good things happen today despite the anxiety and stress of all this and just wanting to deal with this situation already, but it all feels worthless and hollow. I can write about it later or something. I hate being human and mortal and feeling so much grief as I watch my body and my life and the world and a tiny load-bearing cat crumble all around me.

#blog #healthposting #tw pet death #tw pet loss #tw pet illness #pet illness #pet death #pet loss #dealing with grief #tw grief #veterinary

[corners-of-the-skies]

Who are you, Winter Snow?

Where children laughed and played?

I lost my mind in a lakeside tide

Locked inside a February rain

Who were you, Winter Sunset?

Your light so soft and warm

I lost my mind in a lakeside tide

Trapped inside a February storm

Who am I, Melted Winter?

My memory’s wearing so thin

I lost my mind in a lakeside tide

Whistling on a February wind

-February Rain. (2.7.24)

—————————————————

Something that’s been coming up a lot recently is the possibility that I’m quite literally insane.

Things being used by people close to me as evidence of “you need to go see a psychiatrist” are my constant bouts of dissociation, often so heavy that there will be large spans of time that I cannot recall. I’ll wake up in places and not know how I got there. I’ll say things that bring me to court with barely any recollection of what I actually said. Not to mention the constant noise from inside my head. Not sharing everything here, that’d be stupid.

I’ve heard a couple theories, some say I might be schizophrenic, some DID people say those are highly relatable experiences. It’s whatever, honestly. I can’t see anyone about it right now, my mother doesn’t believe in mental disorders and I can’t drive.

But something that was mentioned to me, was that apparently I had a very significant personality shift around middle school. I don’t remember much before then, and what I do remember is often traumatic or hazy.

Apparently this person that I was used to be a lot sweeter, a lot happier, a lot less sui/homicidal. But I’ve never known him. I wish I could have. He seems like he could have done a better job of running things.

I wonder who he was. But his identity is locked away from me. Like the recent winter being filled with rain, as if the snow has been forbidden to fall.

Locked inside a February rain..

Lol guys I get my driver’s license soon and I’m still on my parent’s (really good) health insurance for a while y’wanna place bets on what I get diagnosed with?

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry

[im-sew-curious]

Hi there! hope you don't mind the ask, but I found your threads on gussets fascinating! I know next to nothing about sewing beyond a vague interest in fashion, but recently I've been mussing about performance wear a lot (mostly because of taemin), and so I came across that mens wear guy talking about the tailoring in fred astaire's suits https://twitter.com/dieworkwear/status/1749193687589142566 and I really wanna hear you talk a bit about suits/jackets for dancers? I was steadfast on believing suits aren't a good outfit for most dance performances because they look odd while moving (i personally dislike most of the want era jackets taemin wore), but it might just be me being ignorant bout it. Sorry for the long text, you're not obligated to, obviously, I just really like hearing experienced people talking about sewing, so I'm sending my appreciation your way anyway!

Hey there! Thanks for reaching out! I’ve actually talked a bit more about alterations on my Twitter account…I haven’t brought them over here yet. But I discuss more about crotch gussets and armpit gussets and “commodity pleats” and such, which kind of fall under the umbrella of what you’re interested in.

This thread has the “big” things I’ve written so far regarding SHINee costuming, and I’ve got plenty of stuff planned. But those things I mentioned above are more or less covered/touched upon in those posts.

https://x.com/thespianoge/status/1742768159919132860?s=46

I hope this can give you a start, and I’ll definitely be writing more about accommodations for movement in the future.

Thanks again so much for reaching out!

[sailoreuterpe]

First Line Ask Game! Rules: List the first lines of the last ten stories you published (or works in progress if you’re feeling brave lol). See if you or others notice any patterns!

(For this game, I included the first paragraph of each fanfiction. I skipped any fandom ship week stories or else more than half of my list would have been just those. I also completely missed “A Commit-y of Marriers” on my first rundown so I’ve included that work as a bonus. ACoM the only fanfiction on my list that’s still ongoing, so it can be its own little category.)

Billy carries the dog off into the field, fully intending to take care of the problem. Fast and kindly. Free Miss Longabaugh of the worry. She has enough on her plate without the others complaining. - The Guy Who Got Flustered

Now what should we do?” Mamoru asks the other brunette as the crystal door silently slides shut behind Usagi. Seiya looks over at him, zer eyes narrowed. The grin on zer face is positively ecstatic and a little manic. Mamoru groans softly. “Seiya, no.” - When Usagi’s Not Home

The next time that Teddy sees his navy buddies, Bob and Linda do hold his hands. In fact, Linda is the one to grab Teddy’s hand first, deliberately and with a smile that glints a little feral. Bob is less showy–of course; it’s Bob–but his grip is no less tight. - I Wanna (Cargo) Hold Your Hand

Jimmy isn’t Linda. Even if he wasn’t such a fucking asshole and an egotistical shithead, he wouldn’t be Linda. Linda is–was…was– - He Isn’t You and that Cuts Me Through

Teddy knows that the Belchers love him. He’s known since before Bob and Linda even started dating him; even when Teddy could have never dreamed that they might love him romantically, he still knew that the whole family cared about him as their friend. They’re all so awesome that they can smash through Teddy’s significant insecurities...most days. - Unforgettable, Too

Louise notices the change first. She’s had Chloe in a headlock for long enough that the redhead should be passed out. Chloe, for her part, is still too angry to care that her perfectly-painted talons aren’t doing shit to Louise. Not any more. And they aren't even breaking on Louise's skin like usual. - Fate and Sole-Mates

The feel of Linda’s calloused hands on Teddy’s bare back isn’t sexy. Sure, he’s had a very minor, very tiny crush on his friend for some time. But right now, there’s nothing titillating about Linda’s hands on his skin as she stabilizes herself against him to draw a bad tattoo design to show to his mother. - Your Hands on My Back (They Give Me a Heart Attack)

Tina assumes that her first date with Zeke will be pretty similar to her first–official–date with Jimmy Junior. And every subsequent first date in Tina’s life. - Let’s Give ‘em Something to Taco ‘Bout

Louise sends Logan a selfie, spread out on the bed, in nothing but her shorts and beanie. There’s a bottle of beer in her hand and various snacks conspicuously placed. Specifically things that Logan hates (like her weird Japanese candy that costs an arm and a leg at the import store). - Girl'z Staycation

Jimmy Junior is awkward and weird. So is Tina. He dances out his emotions. Tina writes out hers. Jimmy Junior can be blunt and kind of mean. Tina gets called out for saying stuff out loud that apparently she’s not even supposed to think. - Quirky Turkey and Peculiar Pig

They woke up as if it were any other day. Linda’s eyes popped open and she grinned, but none of that was special. Most dawns saw Linda Belcher grinning and greeting the sun, her ability to see the best in every moment only occasionally dampened by too much alcohol or life-threatening emergencies. - A Commit-y of Marriers

Alright, here are some general observations. I’m glad to see the spread of fandoms, including one of my oldest, one of my newest, and one that I’m not really in but the material called to me. I only wish that I had a "Pacific Rim" story more recently. I’m pleased to see a range of “Bob’s Burgers” ships (two each for Bob, Tina, and Louise) although I need to write more Gene ship-work. The poor guy doesn’t get enough love in my writing. Many of these pieces are gifts, which makes me smile. I really do love my polyamory, lol. I need to finish the next chapter of ACoM, but I’m having minor writer’s block about a specific scene. Once I’m over that hurdle, the chapter will flow fine. Finally, I enjoy writing in the first-person present tense.

#THANK YOU AS USUAL BABS! #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fic #fan fiction #writing #writers #authors #literature #reading #readers #ask game #ask meme #Notes by Nikki #The Askalator #asks #answered #Bob's Burgers #BB #Sailor Moon #SailorMoon #bssm #pgsm #sm #OT #OT3: BLT Burgers #tinimmy #zekina #louigan #chloise