corners-of-the-skies

[corners-of-the-skies]

The sky is clear

The water is golden

I take a deep breath

Fog fills my head

Fog clouds my vision

Breathe out and it spreads

Infection within

If I drop the cigarette

Between my lips

Could I set this whole place on fire?

Could I burn the laughter that follows me home?

Make memories into a pyre?

At the end of it all

What can be done?

I'd rather just go with the flames

Let the sun dip low

On Stansbury Lake

Like it did in those months long ago

-Sunset on Stansbury Lake (7.4.24)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry

[corners-of-the-skies]

A Melody

A name I can't describe.

Falling from your lips

An Elegy

To maim a broken mind

Falling from my grip

Light meets the darkness

But still it fails to break

Hope plants a seed

It knows will never take

And if I don't make it back

From where I've gone

Know I loved you all along.

And if I don't turn around

And come back home

Know I loved you all along.

If I don't meet your eyes

Before I'm gone.

Know I loved you all along.

When the clouds catch the trees

I drift to sleep

My mind

A simple melody

-Melody (3/4/24)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry #sad poem #sad poetry

[corners-of-the-skies]

Heavens, please

Just take me home

Return my wings

To their place on my back

And let me join in the choir

Heavens, please

Call me your own

The songs that you sing

Ring deep through the black

This wayfaring soul has grown tired

-Heavens (21/2/24)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry #poetblr #poet blog

[corners-of-the-skies]

Who are you, Winter Snow?

Where children laughed and played?

I lost my mind in a lakeside tide

Locked inside a February rain

Who were you, Winter Sunset?

Your light so soft and warm

I lost my mind in a lakeside tide

Trapped inside a February storm

Who am I, Melted Winter?

My memory’s wearing so thin

I lost my mind in a lakeside tide

Whistling on a February wind

-February Rain. (2.7.24)

—————————————————

Something that’s been coming up a lot recently is the possibility that I’m quite literally insane.

Things being used by people close to me as evidence of “you need to go see a psychiatrist” are my constant bouts of dissociation, often so heavy that there will be large spans of time that I cannot recall. I’ll wake up in places and not know how I got there. I’ll say things that bring me to court with barely any recollection of what I actually said. Not to mention the constant noise from inside my head. Not sharing everything here, that’d be stupid.

I’ve heard a couple theories, some say I might be schizophrenic, some DID people say those are highly relatable experiences. It’s whatever, honestly. I can’t see anyone about it right now, my mother doesn’t believe in mental disorders and I can’t drive.

But something that was mentioned to me, was that apparently I had a very significant personality shift around middle school. I don’t remember much before then, and what I do remember is often traumatic or hazy.

Apparently this person that I was used to be a lot sweeter, a lot happier, a lot less sui/homicidal. But I’ve never known him. I wish I could have. He seems like he could have done a better job of running things.

I wonder who he was. But his identity is locked away from me. Like the recent winter being filled with rain, as if the snow has been forbidden to fall.

Locked inside a February rain..

Lol guys I get my driver’s license soon and I’m still on my parent’s (really good) health insurance for a while y’wanna place bets on what I get diagnosed with?

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry

[corners-of-the-skies]

Tick, Tock, Tick..

The pendulum swings back

And drains away

Another drop

Of my sanity

Tock, Tick, Tock..

The pendulum swings forth

And drains away

Another drop

Of my mind

Tick, Tock, Tick..

How long must I stare?

Until it all stops?

Until I am freed?

Until next time I’ll stand?

Tock, Tick, Tock..

My mind is a prison

Yet still, I can’t move

Not until it stops

Until I’m released

Tick, Tock, Tick..

Maybe if I died

The clock would stop ticking

I’ll finally be free

From this hell I’ve been living

Tock, Tick, Tock..

But how can I die

If I can’t even move?

I can do nothing but stare

In the eyes of my captor

Tick, Tock, Tick..

I’m still so young

Why am I here?

Fixed on a grandfather clock

What’s happened to me?

Why must I keep hearing

Tock, Tick, Tock..

My mind is a prison

My clock is a prison

I long to break free.

Tick, Tock, Tick..

-Grandfather Clock (24.1.24)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry #depression #adhd paralysis

[corners-of-the-skies]

I used to walk to great grandma’s house

On Thursdays after school

I’d sit on her lawn and she’d tell me stories

Through laughter and gardening tools

We’d go back inside before dinner

And I’d look through all of the things

That she had gathered there over the years

From all of the places she’s seen

She’d show me through her colouring books

And read me some of her poems

We’d smile the rest of the evening away

Until I walked back home

At least that’s what I wish had been

I never knew you myself

You were just the birthday cards

And stories that they tell

I don’t remember the lilac smell

Or the hatred you felt towards mice

But if I, like them, had stories to share

Gods, wouldn’t that be nice?

So when I am able to travel alone

I’ll save a poem for Marilyn June

I’ll read it to the stone where you rest

And say “Guess what, Grandma, I can write too!”

-A Poem For Marilyn June (24.1.24)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry #death poem #grief poetry #grief poem

[corners-of-the-skies]

sending you love i hope things improve for you soon. you are not and would not be forgotten by the world even if depression can make it feel that way. i love seeing your poetry and it is really rough when you hit a point where it feels you've lost your creative energy, but you express your thoughts wonderfully and i hope you know that you're important and thought of with warmth and love even by strangers online 🫶

Get out of anon so I know who to hug /hj

Seriously though, thank you.

I don’t know if this was intended to actually be answered (I’m autistic lol, any friend of mine will tell you I’m bad at telling when not respond)

But I still want properly thank you. I’ve been reading this message over again for days. And I’ve loved it just as much with each repetition.

And things have been getting better. (This is going to sound like a garbage thing to put right after that sentence but hold on.) I didn’t know it yet, but the day before I posted the vent, my great grandmother, Marilyn Wilcock, passed.

I attend every funeral I can. Both out of respect for the dead, but also because I get to actively observe grief. I try to picture my friends in the shoes of the mourners. It reminds me that death isn’t what I want and that I can’t simply die or disappear without having an effect.

I didn’t know my great grandmother that well. I wish I did, but I didn’t.

Her presence in my life was birthday cards.

Now, unless you’ve read some very specific books, you probably don’t recognise her name.

But she was also a poet. She was published a couple times. I have the books with her poems in them I brought from her house.

Something about that brought me back. To the point where not only do I have the strength to write again, but I’ve been putting the effort in and trying to get published myself. (It’s gonna take a while, I know lol)

And after I could write again, everything else kinda just fell back into place.

Thanks again for the kind words. They really mean a lot.

[corners-of-the-skies]

[not a poem]

[heavy tw for mentions of depression and rants on suicidal ideation]

I never thought depression would take my poetry from me.

I haven’t been able to write for a while now. I’m a writer. That’s what I do. That’s a pretty solid part of my identity. My poetry in particular, being the most ‘me’ of any of my writings. The place where I carve out my organs for others to hold, a closer look at what I actually am. As a person. It’s also my escape. Bury myself in my poetry, nothing can reach me there.

It was also the last to fade. I haven’t been able to write much else besides poetry for probably months now. And now, I can’t even write that. I’m hardly able to put in the effort to breathe.

Around 9:30 this morning, I found myself on the ground near an intersection in my town having no clue how I got there or even when I left school.

I was so tired and disoriented. I honestly debated not getting up. Letting myself rot there on the sidewalk until either someone found me or until I woke up again in Hel’s arms.

But Gods, how long must it go on like this? How long must I stay barely alive like this.

The last thing I wrote was a suicide letter, addressed to my ex boyfriend (with whom I’m still very close.) and I ate it in front of him. He said he was glad I wasn’t going to follow through.

But what if I do? I could always rewrite the letter.

That is, if I even had the strength to lift a pen.

I’m well known amongst my peers for being positive. A ray of light. For being strong.

And after everything that happened with them, after they told me I’m a burden.

I’m finding it harder to actually ask for what I need. Or even tell anyone how bad it’s gotten.

Or even believe that they would care. That anyone would actually notice that gap in the tenor section. In the viola section. In any of my classes, really.

And this is where I find I’ve hit the bottom. Where I can’t even write my poems. Where I find myself on sidewalks in the middle of January wondering where my things are and where am I going.

I try to keep my friends smiling while I gauge the right time to finally give myself that sweet release that aches at my mind like a nicotine craving.

Walk these cursed hallways muttering to myself about how I should take out this monster before anyone else gets hurt.

I really hope I can return to this blog one day, with stuff I can actually put here.

I guess this is an official hiatus announcement?

Maybe I’ll get better. Maybe I’ll be able to write again. Or maybe I’ll die. Guess I’ll figure out soon enough.

#tags added with intention of seeking support you guys #vent post #tw vent #tw sui ideation #depression vent #tw selfhate

[corners-of-the-skies]

The tear stains on my suicide letters

Appear to be given your face

The snow covers your footprints on

This long-forgotten place.

Yet I wander here forever

Death smell on my clothes

How long until the springtide comes?

Heaven only knows.

I’m constantly in search of

Something I can’t find

A torch to clear the winter chill

Some hope for peace of mind

The demons circle above me like crows.

Their cries ring in my ears like church bells

Like my mother’s distraught screams

Please, take me back to Hell.

Would my blood be enough

To restore the spring I destroyed?

To melt the winter I brought to my door

In my own forgetfulness?

-In My Forgetfulness (7.1.24)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry #winter poetry #winter poem #sad poem #sad poetry #poet blog #poetblr #my poetry #poem #depressing poem

[corners-of-the-skies]

Dark smoke over a tiny flame

(Someone is hurt and I am to blame)

Pool of hot wax drips down the walls

(I wish I could speak to no one at all)

The back of the blade burns like the sun

(recompense for harm I’ve done)

You light the room much better than I

(I’m cursed to remember the day that I died)

-Candlelight Poem (1.1.24)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry

[corners-of-the-skies]

I gaze at stars in summer night skies

At drawings of planets on brick classroom walls

They’ve been here so much longer than I

My life is a flicker, a blink of their eye.

I bask in cosmic insignificance on Thursday afternoons

Blood from cores of dying stars

Paints the water blue

Do you love me too?

When I stare at you,

Are you staring too?

Do the Gods of the sky

Ever turn their eye

To one so small in stature?

How could I hope for love to be cast

From the heart of a being as great and as vast

While I’m still unloved by my fellow man?

While on earth I’m a spark? A grain in the sand?

I wish I could be loved enough

To know such a love from a star

Caelum warm my frozen limbs

Antares kiss all my scars

But I sit here alone

In my tub of dying stars

I long for you peacefully

Love from afar

-Astronomer. (31.12.23)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry #space poem #space poetry #star poetry #star poems #stars #space #poetblr #poet blog

[corners-of-the-skies]

Oh Autumn Child

Older than life, older than mine

Older, colder, mild.

Staring back as the first leaves fall on my head

I know that I love you despite what I said

And I know that I’ll wake

To the frost on my neck

And I know that I’ll wake

To a home that I wrecked

The frost on the leaves

Foretold winter’s coming

Yet as blind as I am

I’ve still noticed nothing

I don’t see the ice outside of the ruins

Autumn Child, how far have you run?

I still the red, the orange, the yellow

Before all the damage I’ve done

-Autumn Child. (24.12.23)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry

[corners-of-the-skies]

There once was a boy

Who was told he was nothing

Who was taught he was weak

That he wasn’t worth loving

His father would push him

His mother would glare

The other boys beat him

The girls only stared

And helpless he’d fall to their blows every time

And helpless, he longed to put them all into line.

“What I’d do as a King-“

He cried in his room.

“They’d answer to me.

I’d fill them with gloom.”

“What I’d do as a King-

If I had such power

I’d watch them all burn

Safe in my tower.”

That boy, he grew older

As boys tend to do

And as that boy grew

His power did too

He rose up the court

To the king’s own right hand

He’d forgotten the scepter

The power, the land

The boy had found people

He’d come to love

He gazed on them fondly

The king stood above

The king had grown ill

He passed in the night

The boy had his chance

No Prince left in sight

So wiser he rose to his throne with a smile

Wiser a man, not hostile a child

Wiser, they say.

Yet now, here he comes

Queen’s head on his scepter

And everyone knows

Damn right that he killed her

His eyes are empty

Yet filled with regret

And he prays each night

To sing death’s duet

She threatened his power

She made him feel weak

She left him alone

When times were most bleak

And the boy grew angry

He yelled in their room

“You answer to me-

Now lie in your tomb!”

-Monarch. (9.12.23)

#original poem #poets on tumblr #poetry #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry

[corners-of-the-skies]

Ride my brothers

Ride with me

Despite your fear I beg you

Ride with me

Into the night

As if sure we’ll see

Tomorrow’s light

Ride with me

And face our fate

Blood in the grass

And the moonlight lake

Ride with me

For your honour and home

With the blood in your veins

With your flesh and bone

Ride with me

Though you may die tonight

They’ll carve our names into stones

In the new morning light

-In Night For The Morning (18.12.23)

#original poem #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry

[corners-of-the-skies]

There’s time I’ve spent and time I’ve not

Countless hours at your side

Through times of pain and sorrow

Through failure and through pride

But of all the times I spend with you

My favourite still is this

When all the silence fills our world with never-ending bliss

Where for a moment time stands still

Where it’s frozen in its tracks

Despite all the time I’ve spent with you

I know I’ll want it back

I don’t want to live without you

See a world without your face

But the march of time has promised us

We’ll one day meet this fate

I wish that I could stop her

Know this peace forevermore

Not even gods could do that

Nor could I, not from the floor

So I’ll love you with a passion

For the time we have left

I’ll love you loud enough that you’ll still hear it after death

Because the thought of you not hearing me

Is a thought that I can’t stand

So know that my love for you

Echoes over sea and land

And when our story ends

Bringing end to all our strife

I hope we’ll close as brothers be

In death as once in life

Two men we lie in separate graves

Two boys under the sky

-I Know I’ll Want it Back (7.4.23)

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[corners-of-the-skies]

Forests.

God, do I love forests.

I could wander in them for hours.

I fell in love once.

With a section of forest.

It was filled to the brim

With jasmine and myrtle.

Or at least it thought it was.

One would think it’s easy to tell

Between a myrtle and fir but

Hell, it’s not so easy when

You’ve never even seen one.

I spent four months in that part of the woods.

Well, four months or two years.

I weaved a crown from the myrtle whenever it grew.

I wish it’d grown longer here.

I wish the myrtle was real.

I wish the jasmine was too.

And I know that if I wander long enough I might find it again.

But it won’t be the same gorgeous hue.

I don’t even hate firs.

Not one bit, not at all.

They’re so great

And mighty

And cursedly tall.

Sturdier than jasmine.

Sturdier than myrtle.

I hung a noose off a fir once

But the branch snapped

And I stand here

Grateful for my life

I sat under a fir

And saw the most lovely little blue butterfly.

I never could catch it.

Was it always so fickle?

Was I always going to be scratched by the bark of a fir

While I was simply picking myrtle?

Yes. Yes I was.

And when I go back to sleep

At four in the morning.

I’ll wake up only to fir.

And the last of the very last crown made of myrtle.

Like the rest will begin to blur.

-Forest. (16.11.23)

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[corners-of-the-skies]

Butterflies.

They’re everywhere.

Fairyland.

I wander here.

Trees of shattered glass.

I almost swear I saw blood.

But the flowers, god.

The flowers.

They’re so pretty in the grass.

Insect wings are painted gold.

Gold like the greed that corrupts.

But they’re shiny.

Heavenly shiny.

Does that colour protect from the cold?

The spiders wave hello.

The rains never last long.

The snow never comes.

We bleed more than you know.

You can wander for ages.

Walk your life away.

But I must warn you, each step pricks your feet.

Step with caution, my dear.

Or the truth you might meet.

-Fairyland (7.11.23)

#original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #queer poets on tumblr #original poetry #poems and poetry #my poem #my poems #daily poem #daily poetry #poet blog #trans poets on tumblr #poetblr