#I’m just shouting my thoughts to the void hoping it enjoys them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fallinallincurls · 2 years

Text

Takin’ My Time, Let The World Turn

this is my fic for emmie’s 2.6k writing challenge! thank you for putting this whole thing together @jostystyles ! and as always, shout out to @tonyspep for brainstorming this one with me. i had such a fun time writing this and can’t wait to share it with all of you! it might be one of my all time favorites.

selected song lyrics: “you know the bar down the street don't close for an hour, we should take a walk and look at all the flowers” from slow burn by kacey musgraves

gif credit to @goaliekisses

hope you enjoy!! feedback is always appreciated! xx

word count: 4k

~~~~~

Nate doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Not Cale, who is being nothing but kind as he offered

encouraging words. Not the media, who will undoubtedly ask cliche questions about why the team is in a slump and what’s happened to his play. And definitely not any of the staff members, who are mingling around the hallways doing their jobs.

He almost escapes the pitying looks and near interactions until the athletic trainer he’s almost certainly falling for stops him right before he gets into the locker room.

“Nate,” You murmur, hand catching his wrist in an effort to get him to look at you. He doesn’t. “I need to make sure your shoulder is okay and if not-”

“Y/N, no. The last thing I’m thinking about is how fucked up my shoulder is when we can’t seem to win a game and it’s my fault.”

“Woah, okay.” Your visible recoil practically breaks his heart, shatters it into a million pieces. He doesn’t want you to be scared of him. Not one bit. Yet, here he is, snapping at you and letting the anger control his immediate reactions. Nate braces himself for your departure, the inevitable moment that you give up on him despite the months and months you’ve spent flirting and getting to know each other within the trainer’s room.

Except you stand firmly in front of him, not wavering an inch.

“Come here,” You say, tugging him into the room he’s gotten more familiar with this season than he has in his entire career. He leans against one of the beds, blue eyes moving around the trainer’s room in an effort to not meet your gaze. He’s already ashamed he snapped at a person he cares about, but he doesn’t want to see how much hurt he caused.

“I have to go-” Nate starts, unsure of where his train of thought is going. But he has to get out of here. Out of the arena. Out of the place where he’s reminded he isn’t enough. He just wants to win again, get the team back on track.

Somehow, miraculously, you read his thoughts as if he said every one of them out loud.

“You know, the bar down the street doesn’t close for,” You pause to glance at the time on your watch, “an hour. We could take a walk and look at all the flowers if you want. Clear your head and just breathe.”

Nate’s breath is stolen away for a moment. It’s the first invitation either of you have made to spend time with each other outside of the arena. And even if he’s nervous, Nate knows two things. He likes you, a lot, and both a walk and a drink together sounds like exactly what he needs right now.

“Okay.” He almost whispers, eyes finally meeting yours. A gentle smile tugs at the corners of your lips and his heart rate speeds up without warning. “I’d like that a lot. Let’s do it.”

“Okay. Now, let me check your stupid shoulder and then you can shower so we can go. Yeah?”

Not even fifteen minutes later, Nate is back at the training room except now he’s void of all his bulky gear and is dressed in his gameday outfit again. The pressed slacks hug his thighs perfectly and paired with the signature black turtleneck it’s a little much to process all at once, but you can’t deny that he looks good.

And not that you know, but Nate’s thinking the same about you even if you’re still wearing jeans and the team designated polo.

“No moping, got it?” You tease with a slightly serious tone in your voice as you lead the way out of the arena. Nate rolls his eyes, but agrees. He doesn’t want to ruin this moment with his bad mood that isn’t at all connected to you.

“Got it.” He chuckles in response, already feeling lighter than he did when the game ended earlier. Without hesitation, you intertwine your fingers with his and start walking in the direction of the bar. Nate tries to hide his surprise as you work to disguise the nervousness that’s suddenly present, but the overwhelming sense of comfort envelops both of you more than anything. You realize then that you’re lucky enough to see the soft, shy side of one of hockey’s toughest and best players and that you never want that to change.

Like you mentioned, the sidewalk is lined with the most gorgeous flowers you could imagine. Nate’s never noticed the stunning colors on display, but now he looks at every single one he can as the two of you slowly get closer and closer to the bar. He’s convinced that you have helped him see the simple beauty in the world, even in little ways like these flowers. It is only one reason he knows he’s fallen for you.

When you turn towards him to ask how he’s feeling, if the fresh air has helped calm the frustration that was brewing inside him before, Nate catches you off guard by placing a delicate white flower behind your ear. The softest smile stretches across his face as he takes in how gorgeous you look.

“What?”

“Nothing. You’re just so pretty.” Nate admits like it’s the most obvious thing in the world which makes you blush. You never imagined being more than just colleagues with him, but you can tell something is going to change tonight.

“This is it,” You say, nodding towards the building that already feels like a safe haven for both of you. The moment you and Nate cross over the threshold, the rest of the real world will cease to exist and it’ll just be the two of you full of emotions that have to be discussed.

The cozy atmosphere of Brooklyn’s is much different than the arena and Nate is once again grateful for your suggestion to come here. You slide onto a bar stool, waving him on to do the same. He claims the one to your right and remains as close as he can to you, thigh pressed up against yours and brushing past each other at different moments. For the first time all day, every worry of his slips away.

“What can I get you two?” The bartender asks, completely ignoring the fact that it’s Nathan MacKinnon sitting at the bar. Nate couldn’t be more grateful.

“A Shirley Temple for me please and a beer for him. Thank you!” You reply before he turns away to make your requested drinks. You lean into Nate and you hear a gentle sigh of relief escape past his lips.

“I’m so happy to be here.” Nate confesses, the words so quiet you almost don’t hear them. But you do and you squeeze his hand in response while offering the sweetest, most genuine smile.

“Me too.”

Nate’s never been in love. At least, not really. He loves his family, his teammates, and his dog. But he’s never been in love. There have been a few times where he thought he knew what love felt like, where he thought he had fallen in love, only to realize how catastrophically wrong he was.

Except right now, Nate is pretty sure this is what it feels like to be in love.

~~~~

Holy shit.

That’s pretty much the only thought going through Nate’s mind as the team filters back into the locker room, hoots and hollers from his teammates filling the hallway. Tonight was a big game. Rivalry matchup, but more importantly, the win would mean they secure their spot in the postseason while also claiming the top spot in their division.

And even though the sixty minutes of play weren’t easy, the Avs came away with that much needed win. They were headed back to the playoffs for yet another year, keeping the postseason streak alive and getting another chance at winning the Cup again.

Except this time, it’s a little different for Nate. More so than it had been in the past. And that’s because of you.

It’s been a few years since that night at Brooklyn’s where you both finally came clean about the mutual feelings for each other. Since then, Nate hasn’t only become a better person, teammate and partner, but he’s been so inexplicably in love. He never thought he’d get to experience this kind of feeling, mostly because he’s not the easiest to love, but he wouldn’t trade what you have together for anything.

That is also the same thought that’s responsible for his recent interest in ring shopping. Not that anyone knows besides his mom.

Yet.

You walk into the locker room with the brightest smile on your face. The boys erupt into another round of cheers at the sight of who entered the room, but your gaze is locked on Nate. Everyone can sense the love between the two of you and despite the noisy celebration happening around him, everything becomes quiet when you reach him.

“Nate, baby! You did!” You exclaim, throwing your arms around his middle for a tight hug. Nate chuckles softly, feeling that overwhelming sense of adoration and pride swell in his chest. He’s quick to embrace you before leaving a kiss to the top of your head.

“I didn’t, we did.” He replies in a soft voice, earning an eye roll from you.

“Okay, yeah, the team did it. But without you out there, it wouldn’t have happened this exact way.” You lean up to peck his lips one, two, three times which only makes his grin grow. “I’m so proud of you and can’t wait to see what you do in the playoffs.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you, baby.” Nate murmurs against your lips, nothing but happiness and love rushing through his veins. Despite the fact that his teammates and other members of the staff are also in the room, you kiss him deeply in a way that pours all your emotions into the simple action. Nate’s hands rest of your hips, pulling you in closer and the victory seems even sweeter now.

After both of you agreed to go public with the relationship a few years ago, you slowly got used to showing affection in front of the team and everyone else who works for the Avs. It’s still subdued around them, you can’t imagine the embarrassment at being caught doing something too risky by anyone, but at this very moment neither you nor Nate care.

“Hey, Dogg! Get a room or something! The trainer’s room is available.” EJ’s voice cuts through the moment which makes the two of you pull away from each other. Your cheeks heat up with a wild blush knowing everyone caught a glimpse of the PDA and upon hearing EJ’s hearty chuckle, you drop your head to Nate’s chest.

“Shut up, EJ. Kissing my girl isn’t a crime.” Nate fires back, one hand rubbing up and down your back in a soothing motion.

“No, but it is when we have to see it and you’re practically giving us a show.” EJ adds while waving his hand around the locker room in a gesture to remind you just how many people are watching.

“Erik, be nice. They’re just in love and Nate deserves to get some after those two goals tonight.” Gabe chimes in, a mischievous smile on his lips as he nudges his American friend.

“Ohmygod.” You laugh ashamedly, shaking your head back and forth before finally looking up at the two men. The chirps are nothing new, but you still haven’t gotten used to Nate’s teammates being ready to tease him, and sometimes you, over anything they possibly can.

“Are you coming out with us tonight at least? To celebrate with the team?” Gabe asks, looking at the both of you as EJ moves on to bother someone else. Nate nods with a kind smile just as you respond.

“We are! Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Good. We’ve gotta get moving though so shower and get dressed, Nate. I would say keep the PDA to a minimum, but I don't give a damn honestly.” The captain laughs before clapping Nate on the shoulder and returning back to his routine.

Nate’s focus returns to you and the sight of your pink cheeks, eyes sparkling with adoration and the soft smile that can bring him to his knees, makes his heart stop. He kisses your forehead and squeezes you tight for one more hug.

“Do you wanna walk to the bar? The flowers are always really pretty this time of year and I know how much you love looking at them.” The question escapes past Nate’s lips, an odd sense of nerves making themselves known all of the sudden. You light up at the question and that familiar thought of wanting to spend his life with you enters his mind again.

“That would be perfect. Do what you need to and I’ll see you in a little bit.”

Nate rushes through his postgame routine just to be with you again. Call him dramatic or whatever you want, but he’s in love and tonight nothing is going to stop him from reveling in that. He finds you not too long after, still as happy and excited as you were when he left you earlier.

“Let’s go for that walk, yeah?” And with that, Nate reaches for your hand and the two of you start down the well known path towards Brooklyn’s. The bar has become your place over the years and as you’re pointing out all the different flowers in bloom along the edges of the sidewalk, Nate couldn’t be happier about creating another night of memories there.

But that thought still hasn’t left his mind. Without really thinking, he decides to bring up the subject without giving anything away and the perfect chance to do so is now. Just as you pick one of the colorful flowers, the words come tumbling out of Nate’s mouth.

“What kind of flowers do you want at your wedding?”

Your brows furrow in brief confusion at the random question and Nate thinks he blew it. His cheeks become rosy with blush and his stunning blue eyes almost drop away from yours until he catches the look of awe crossing over your facial features.

“You mean our wedding?”

“Our wedding?” Nate repeats, heart racing a million miles a minute. He tries to not think too much into what changing one word means, but it’s impossible when you’re looking at him like nothing else in the world matters.

“If you think I’m getting married to anyone else, you’re crazy. Thought you had a brain in there, MacKinnon.” You giggle, tangling a hand in his hair. “Sunflowers and dahlias by the way because I’d love a summer wedding in your hometown.”

“You’ve thought about this, huh?”

“More than you know, bubs. Just waiting on a ring so I can start planning a real wedding instead of an imaginary one.” Nate catches the teasing tone as you wiggle your left hand for emphasis and laughs along with you.

“Trust me, it’s happening sooner than you think.” He reveals, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “You’re it for me, baby.”

“You are for me too, Nate.”

Nate knows then, as his fingers intertwine with yours again and you continue walking to the bar, that he’s going to propose. He doesn’t want to go through life with anyone else but you. There will be a ring on your finger soon and that thought alone makes him unbelievably happy.

~~~~

“Introducing for the first time as husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs. MacKinnon!” Deafening screams and cheers erupt from the crowd as you and Nate enter the reception hand in hand. You both have genuine beaming smiles on display, nothing but love dancing in your gazes. He spins you around, letting the beautiful white dress flare out for everyone to awe at, before pulling you in close again for the first dance.

It has been a long time coming, but you are finally married to the man of your dreams and share his last name. And Nate still can’t believe that he gets to spend the rest of his life with the woman he loves more than anything in the whole world.

Nate asked the fateful question towards the end of that summer where he said your ring was coming sooner than you thought. He was right. On a chilly August night in Cole Harbour when you were both cuddled up together by a fire looking out at the lake, he got down on one knee and asked if you would give him the honor of being his wife. The answer was a teary eyed “yes, of course” as if you even had to think about it.

The following offseason, you officially tied the knot during a small ceremony in his hometown just like you both dreamed of. Besides yours and Nate’s families, Sidney and your best friend Rose were there. Cox, Nate’s beloved German Shepherd, even got to be part of the ceremony. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

Now surrounded by a much larger group of your family and friends in Denver at the gorgeous outdoor venue purposely selected to enjoy the last fleeting moments of warm summer weather in the city, the long awaited reception is in full swing.

As the selected love song plays and the two of you dance together with everyone watching, Nate acknowledges the fact that he didn’t know he could be this happy. Winning the Cup doesn’t even come close to the pure elation he feels at this very moment. Even though the matching rings have found their home on both of your left hands for two months already, getting to celebrate with everyone important to him is nothing short of amazing.

In fact, it’s everything Nate has dreamed of for so long without realizing it.

When the closing notes of the song come to an end, you share a deep kiss that earns a loud collective cheer from the audience before making the rounds to greet everyone. The sun warms your skin and Nate notices the glow of pure happiness on you. It’s a look he wants to see you wear everyday, all the time. And he may not know it, but those emotions are only present because of him.

After the cake is cut and both the bouquet and garter toss are done (Rose caught the bouquet with the deepest blush on her cheeks and EJ couldn’t have been more proud that the garter ended up in his hands based on the smug look on his face), the focus shifts more to dancing the night away while having the best time possible.

You and Nate seem to dissolve into the background for the first time since the reception started and it’s a little relieving.

When you turn towards your husband, you find him already looking at you with soft eyes and the smile you adore more than anything. For the millionth time, the thought strikes you that he looks incredibly handsome, but going forward, this man is yours for life. He’ll be there through it all no matter what and you couldn’t ask for anyone better.

“Hey, babe,” Nate grins, pressing a kiss to your temple as he leans in to whisper. “Everyone seems to be having a really good time, I don’t think they’d notice if we slipped away.”

“Nathan! Save it for later, we’ll have plenty of time.” You exclaim, lightly hitting his shoulder and Nate can’t help but chuckle.

“Trust me, we’ll get to that. But that’s actually not what I meant.”

“Oh?”

“Wanna take a walk? Look at all the flowers? You know, the usual.” Nate asks with a teasing tone, blue eyes glistening with a sense of playfulness and love. “The bar’s open for a couple more hours, we can slip away for a little bit. Promise no one will notice.”

The idea is tempting and it’s sweet to think about spending a moment at Brooklyn’s, the place it all began, just the two of you. With one glance around, you find that everyone is preoccupied with things that don’t involve you or Nate. Gabe is dancing with Linnea, her tiny feet on top of his as they laugh together. Sidney is talking with your family, undoubtedly charming them as he always does despite the fact he met them for the first time years ago. EJ in the seat right next to Rose at the bridesmaid table, their faces close together in a conversation and matching grins on their faces.

“Okay,” You start, reaching for Nate’s hand. The glimmer of the gold band on his ring finger makes your heart do somersaults all over again. “Let’s take a walk and look at the flowers, bubs.”

Somehow, you both slip away without being noticed thanks to Nate timing the escape perfectly. Nate pulls you in for a breathtaking kiss the moment you’re out of everyone’s sight before starting on the familiar path to the bar. The walk to Brooklyn’s feels different this time. Maybe it’s because you’re wearing a wedding dress and Nate is in his tux. Or maybe it’s because it’s the first time you are taking the well known route to the bar that’s become a special place for you as a married couple. Whatever it is, you can feel it.

During this time of year, the wildflowers and greenery are gorgeous so it’s Nate pointing out the prettiest ones throughout the walk. The smile on your lips never falters and you find yourself admiring both the flowers and your husband the whole time. Your husband. It still feels like a dream.

“Here we are!” Nate says in excitement, holding the door open for you and the comforting sounds of the bar welcome you. Over the years, almost nothing about the place has changed except for the two of you. Since the first time you both came here, you’ve grown and got a little bit older and fell deeply in love. But through it all, every celebration, anniversary and special occasion that was held at Brooklyn’s felt like home.

Nate leads the way to the bar, sliding onto one of the stools effortlessly and making sure your dress doesn’t get ruined as you sit next to him. You lean up to kiss his cheek and keep your shoulder pressed against his in an effort to be as close to him as possible. A few seconds later, the bartender comes over and offers a bright grin to the two of you.

“Our favorite regulars! Congratulations! We’re all so happy for you two.” He exclaims, making Nate blush and you giggle in response. A flurry of thank you’s slip from yours and Nate’s lips, but you acknowledge the man’s kindness. “What can I get you tonight? On the house, of course.”

Nate answers without a moment of hesitation. “A Shirley Temple for her and a beer for me, please.” He smiles, glancing at you and you wish more than ever that you could freeze time. You would stay right here with the love of your life in the place that means more than words in your relationship.

It doesn’t matter that the reception is still happening without the bride or groom there. All Nate cares about is being here with you, away from the production of a big wedding. And all you care about is cherishing this special moment with him on the (second) first day of forever together.

“I’m so happy to be here.” You whisper, repeating his words from that first night you spent in this very bar all those years ago as you lean into him. Nate squeezes your hand in a silent response before placing a tender kiss to the top of your head.

“Me too, Y/N. Me too.”

Nate hadn’t ever been in love until he met you. Through the years, you taught him what it felt like to be unapologetically loved and how beautiful life could be with that special person by his side. But right now, spending a rare moment alone on your wedding night, Nate knows he couldn’t be more in love.

He waited his turn for this kind of love and still has a lot to learn, but the slow burn was worth everything. Because at the end, he got you.

taglist: @tonyspep @miracleonice87 @starshine-hockey-girl @kailyn-writes @happer08 @stroopwaffle8 @rosesvioletshardy @sorryjustafangirl @laurenairay @hockeyunits @musiclove-12 @ilyasorokinn @jostystyles @breezymichelle99 @comphyjost @ya-pucking-nerd @beauvibaby @sourjoonie @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 @itrocksmysocks @typical-simplelove @boqvistsbabe @antoineroussel @spookysvech @equallyshaw @eightmakar

#nathan mackinnon #nate mackinnon #nathan mackinnon fic #nate mackinnon fic #nathan mackinnon imagine #nate mackinnon imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fic #colorado avalanche #nathan mackinnon x reader #hockey fic #hockey imagine #fluff #nathan mackinnon fluff #hwncloud #mackinnon

292 notes · View notes

lyranova · 8 months

Text

It’s Not You

Hiya guys! So I’m having serious Zerilliam brainrot these days, and this idea has been floating around in my head for a few months, and I just sat down to write it 😆. It’s a little angsty, but I hope you all enjoy~!

Word Count: 1,305

Warnings: Manga Spoilers, Mentions of Blood and Death

————

William silently laid on the ground, blood pooling underneath his missing arm. He could hear the shouts of his Squad members and the citizens of Clover as Lucius and his Paladins attacked them, he heard buildings collapse as magic spells and other objects hit them. The world was in absolute chaos, and he could do nothing but lay here, helplessly.

He heard some shouts for a healer as a few members of the Golden Dawn protected their Captain and tried to use their own recovery spells on him, but his mind was somewhere else. His mind was racing, trying to figure out how he missed all the signs, how he didn’t see Julius’s betrayal coming. But then again…no one saw his betrayal coming those years ago.

William felt so stupid as he thought about how obvious it was, especially recently with Julius disappearing along with Damnatio Kira.

Where did it all go wrong? Was it when he tried to help Patolli and the elves? Or was it when Julius died before coming back as his 12-13 year old self? Or did it go wrong long before any of the recent events transpired?

From the very beginning, they were all playing a losing game.

He felt his head slowly getting fuzzy, and his eyes growing dark and blurry. He smiled a bit, that meant he was dying, right? He felt tears well up in his eyes. He didn’t want to die, he still had to look after his Squad members…he still had to protect the Clover Kingdom…and he had to get home to his son.

His son!

William’s eyes widened, he couldn’t die, not now, not yet! His son needed him, his son didn’t have anyone else, and he was still only a baby, he needed his father now more than anyone.

Especially since he no longer had his mother.

As his vision continued to blur and fade, he saw an outline of a figure above him. The figure wore a white dress with a long white robe, they had a pair of beautiful large wings on their back, and they were surrounded by beautiful white and yellow flowers. Which they used to attack the Golden Dawn members that surrounded and tried to protect him.

His frown deepened, why would an angel, who was coming down to take him to the afterlife, attack his squad members?

He could hear the angel land a few feet away from him with a soft ‘thump’ before he could hear them walk across the gravel, dirt, and stones towards him. He faintly heard the Squad members shout as they continued trying to protect him, he wanted to scream and tell them to stop and to save themselves. He was a dead man.

William suddenly saw the angel stand beside him before crouching down, and a loving smile appeared on his face.

It was his wife, Zera. She was coming to get him, to greet him, just like she had said should those months ago when she parted from this world.

He sighed, this was it. He said his goodbyes to his Squad members, to his friends, to his son who he would never get to see grow up. The tears pooled in his eyes and fell down his cheeks, he was ready to go, he was ready to leave this world to be with his wife. He closed his eyes, so he could be welcomed in her warm and comforting embrace one final time.

“ William~, William~, open your eyes.”

His eyes snapped open at the sing-song voice, he turned his head as his vision and mind both began to clear, and his eyes widened in shock and horror at the sight before him.

It was Zera. She was alive, but worse of all…

She was a Paladin.

“ There are my husband's beautiful purple eyes,” She said, her voice sending chills down his spine. It was her voice, but it was monotone and void of any emotion, it was as though she was reading from a script or was just an empty shell of her former self.

“ Z…Zera,” He stammered before coughing up a bit of blood, but his ‘wife’ just stared at him. The gaze in her ice blue eyes, the eyes his son shared with her, were dead and completely void of any emotion.

“ Dear,” She said in that voice that made William’s blood go cold. “ We can be a family again, just like we dreamed of. You, me, our son. But only if you let Lucius purify the world. He promised me that we could all be together in the new world that he is going to create. Don’t you want that?”

William swallowed as his throat grew dry and more tears welled in his eyes. Of course, he wanted that, he wanted that more than anything else in this world. He wanted his beautiful, spunky, and silly wife back, and he wanted his son to finally meet his mother who gave her life for his. He looked at her outstretched hand, oh how he wanted to reach out and take her hand.

He began to extend his hand out to grab hers. Who cared if he lost himself and ended up becoming one of Lucius’s paladins, for most of his life he had been used by one person or another, so why would now be any different? Although this time stung a little more as the knife Julius, no, Lucius had put in his back twisted at his wife being used as well. But as long as he got Zera back, and they could be together, did it really matter?

William paused just as his hand hovered over hers. Did he really want to continue this endless cycle of being used for someone else’s gain? How was he supposed to be a good example for his son if he did this? And did he really want to lose himself again, just like he did with Patolli?

“ Not if it’s not with the real you.” He muttered as his hand dropped to the ground, he watched Zera blink emotionlessly. “ I would rather die and us meet again in the afterlife, then live with an empty version of you.”

“ So leave,” William told her softly as he closed his eyes. “ Go work for your puppet master, and leave me be.”

“ Oh, my darling husband, death isn’t a choice,” Zera said, and William’s eyes opened as he felt healing plants and vines wrap around his body. He could feel his wounds and arm begin to heal, he turned to face her again and she had a wicked, but still empty, smile on her face.

“ You, me, and our son will live together in the new world that Lucius is going to create. I wanted you to do this willingly since it would be much easier, but you wanted to do this the hard way, so I have no choice but to force you.” Zera told him as she tightened the vines around his body, William gasped and struggled for a moment before he opened his grimoire and used his World Tree Magic to slash at her. Effectively knocking her back and causing her plants to let go.

“ I don’t think so, Zera,” William said as he landed on his feet and looked at her. “ I love you, and I miss you every day. But this isn’t how I want us to be reunited, I want to see you again, not Lucius’s version of you. But, in order to do that, I need to free you from his grasp.’’ William said, as he began to make tree’s and limbs come out from the ground. He didn’t want to fight his wife, he didn’t want to hurt her, but had to save her.

And this was the only way he knew how.

———

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

#black clover #black clover fanfiction #black clover oc #black clover oc fanfiction #zerilliam #zera x william #william x zera #oc; zera #william vangeance

12 notes · View notes

semperama · 10 months

Note

hi erin i was wondering if you had any advice for how to deal with not getting any comments on a fic. i'm in a pretty small fandom and i get the same (small) amount of kudos as many other writers there. but i recently posted a pretty personal fic that i worked extremely hard on for months, so hopeful that it might resonate with people, and now i just feel crushed. i'm working on new fics but I keep thinking that I’m probably only setting myself up for more disappointment ;(( any thoughts? ty <3

Hi, anon! I'm sorry to hear you feel like your hard work has gone unnoticed. That's such an awful feeling. I can't say I'm an expert, because I haven't been in a fandom small enough that it was normal to get no comments, but I do know what it's like to work hard on something and be disappointed by the response. I have a few things that might help.

If you can, I really recommend trying to make friends in your fandom. Especially in small fandoms, it can be such a lifesaver in terms of getting feedback and keeping your motivation. A good keysmash in the comments of a Google Doc can be just as satisfying as a dozen comments on AO3. Finding someone you trust to beta read your fic, or to bounce ideas off of, is a good idea in ANY fandom, but it can be especially helpful in small fandoms to keep from feeling like you're shouting into the void. And make sure you're giving back to others as well! Leave some comments on other people's fic! Follow them on tumblr and hype up their projects! Do whatever you can to tap into the community that is there.

I hate to say it, but part of it really is adjusting your expectations. If everyone in the fandom gets a handful of kudos at most, then you need to go into writing for that fandom with your eyes wide open, knowing that even if you pour your blood, sweat, and tears into something, all you can expect is that same handful of kudos. That says nothing about you as a writer. You could write an absolute masterpiece, and if there are only 10 people interested in that subject, you're only going to get 10 people to read it. And that's okay! That doesn't mean you've failed in any way, and you should still be proud of your accomplishments. But you can't get blood from a stone, you know? If the audience isn't there, it isn't there. In a way, that can be freeing though. The problem with large audiences can be the expectation of a huge response every time and feeling like you failed if you don't get it. In very small fandoms, at least you know the lack of response is due to the lack of people, not something you did wrong!

Related to the previous point, if you're going to be writing for a fandom where getting lots of (or any) comments isn't the norm, then you should try to find a way to measure success for yourself that doesn't have to do with comments. That often just means writing something you are proud of and you enjoy reading. Especially in the case where you're writing about subjects that are personal to you, make sure you take the time to appreciate the catharsis it brings you. Pat yourself on the back for how you're improving your writing skills by getting in touch with your own emotions and experiences and turning them into stories. Those things aren't useless if they don't reach a huge audience. You are improving yourself by doing it!

All that being said, if it really is a super duper tiny fandom and there's no community to get involved with and you don't think you'll ever be happy writing for mostly yourself, I do honestly think there's a time when you have to ask yourself if you need to move on. I personally suck at writing for myself. If no one's going to read it, I don't want to write it, haha. In the past when fandoms have died or my friends have left, I've jumped ship too, because I need the community aspect. Fandom isn't fun for me without it. Everyone's different though! I've known people who are happier writing for fandoms so rare no one else is writing for them. It just comes down to both your tolerance for the lack of feedback and how much you feel compelled by this particular fandom.

Anyway, sorry I got so long-winded and I'm sorry if none of that is helpful! I hope you can glean something from it at least, and I hope you are able to feel proud of yourself for finishing a personal fic, which is SO hard to do, even if it didn't get the response you were hoping for. <33

#replies #writing #writing advice

8 notes · View notes

chloelucia13 · 2 years

Text

Chapter 20: The Hellfire Club

Pairing: Jonathan Byers x fem!Henderson!reader, Eddie Munson x fem!Henderson!reader

Prompt: You always thought Hawkins was the most boring town of all, stuck in a vacuum void of excitement and entertainment. Well, it seems that way until the world decided to flip upside down, literally.

Chapter Summary: Your senior year was supposed to be your best year, yet as spring break peeked around the corner, you realized that was far from the case. No friends, stuck at the D&D lunch table, unable to forget the horrors that took place nine months ago. You just hoped that a change of scenery might help.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: some angst, some fluff, talk of trauma/ PTSD, Eddie (yes he is a warning)

A/N: Uh oh, we’ve got a love triangle now (and I am extremely excited about it)! I really hope you all enjoy this chapter and as always, my inbox, tag lists, and requests are open!

Catch up here!

The roaring in your ears made your head ache.

It was louder than the sea of voices that filled the cafeteria, louder than the voices in your mind, louder than the rush of your blood and the rasp of your shaky breaths and your pleas to make it all stop.

With a huff, you used your free hand to tug your headphones over your ears, earning a confused look from Mike and Dustin who assumed that your annoyance was towards them. “It’s too loud,” you explained quietly, giving them a tight-lipped smile.

Dustin nodded in understanding, though you stopped besides the two boys when they stared nervously at the lunch table. Specifically, the raving metalhead that sat at the head of it.

“Shit, he seems really revved up today,” Dustin sighed, earning a small chuckle from you.

“He’s always revved up,” Mike explained away.

“You can say that again,” you hummed.

“We’ll just act casual.”

“Casual,” Dustin repeated.

“Casual,” Mike confirmed.

“Right, okay.”

“Totally.”

Once they continued their trek to the table, you followed behind, clicking play on the walkman on your hip once you set your tray down at your usual spot.

Settling down into your seat, you fished through your backpack and retrieved your worn down and dog-eared copy of Lord of the Flies, flipping to the spot you left off.

However, your attention to the book was interrupted, if only for a moment, by the telltale sign of the table rattling that signaled you to pull your tray back to clear Eddie’s way for one of his “table tirades,” as you called it. He stomped back and forth shouting something you couldn’t make out over your music and, truthfully, didn’t have the energy to pay attention to.

What did cause you to give up on trying to distract yourself was Eddie’s presence right next to you, his head so close to yours that it may as well be resting on your shoulder. With a huff, you set your book face-down on the table, silently taking note of the fact that Dustin and Mike were no longer sitting across from you, and slipped your headphones off.

You turned your head to face him, giving him a glare. But he didn’t seem phased by it whatsoever, as a smile cracked across his lips. “How about you?” he hummed, cocking his head to the side.

“What do you want?” you deadpanned, clearly unamused.

“You wanna sub in tonight for Sinclair?”

You rolled your eyes. “Well, since I support my friends, I’m going to the game tonight.”

He jutted out his lower lip. “Aw, come on scarry-eyed, don’t be like that.”

A scoff fell from your mouth at the pet name. “Scarry-eyed? That’s a new one.”

He just chuckled at you, one finger reaching up to push the bridge of your glasses up your nose ever so gently. “What, you don’t like it?”

“I hate it, actually. Don’t say it again.”

“As you wish, pretty lady.”

You wouldn’t say that you were used to Eddie’s constant flirting, but it became extremely expected. However, the butterflies that swirled in your stomach every time proved that it would never be a thing you’d become accustomed to.

And, even though it was pathetic, it made you think of Jonathan. Think of how the little affection he showed you would made your head spin, think of how he never showed such clear interest in you in the way that Eddie had.

It made you think of how you’d be seeming him in less that 24 hours, and it made your stomach flip.

***

You couldn’t decide which was worse, the borderline panic attack you were having from the crowd’s screaming or the fact that you had no idea what was going on and your aide, Steve, was too distracted with his date to explain it to you.

By the time the game was nearing the end of the third quarter, Lucas still on the bench and Hawkins down on points, you were strongly tempted to leave. However, as you were slipping on your jacket, a player of the opposing team sent one of Hawkins’ players tumbling to the ground. Both boys were taken out of the game, and the coach quickly shouted to Lucas to hop in.

“Holy shit,” you whispered, sharing an excited look with Steve.

Lucas’ movements were quick and calculated, and before you even knew it, the teams were nearly tied. Everyone on the stands was cheering, you included, but a time-out was called to strategize as the time ticked down.

“I didn’t know you got so into basketball games,” Steve teased, shoving your shoulder with his.

“I’m just being a supportive pseudo-mom. I can’t just not cheer on my child,” you jabbed back.

“Since when did they upgrade you from babysitter to pseudo-mom?”

You scoffed, feigning offense. “I practically raised those boys. So I’m their pseudo-mom. You took up the title of babysitter.”

“Steve,” his date spoke up, looking between you two. “Who’s your friend?”

You gave her a confused look. “I walked in with you guys, I’ve been here the whole time,” you explained slowly.

“Oh.” Silently, she turned back to look at the court.

“She sure is a catch, Stevie.”

“Shut the fuck up,” he hissed through his teeth, earning a laugh from you.

The buzzer sounded, signaling the resumption of the game, and your attention was directed back to the court. Jason made a shot, and as the ball bounced around the rim of the hoop, a few players gathered underneath it. It bounced out and fell back to the waiting hands, and Lucas scrambled out with the ball, making three long strides before turning on his heel and shooting. The timer buzzed as the ball sliced through the air.

After two bounces, it slipped into the hoop, earning Hawkins a two point lead and the win.

“No fucking way!” you shouted, bouncing with excitement.

Immediately, you rushed down the bleachers with the wave of people and congregated on the court, surrounding Lucas who was hoisted into the air. You hung towards the back of the crowd, waiting until most of the crowd flowed out of the gym after giving their congratulations to finally make your way up to Lucas.

The moment he noticed you, his eyes lit up. “You made it!” he exclaimed, rushing over to you.

“Of course I did! I couldn’t just miss your big game!” you told him, pulling him into a hug. “Did you really think that I wouldn’t be here?”

He shrugged once the hug was broken. “I-I don’t know, I just know that you’re not great with crowds and loud noises, and the end of the D&D campaign is tonight-”

“Lucas, cheering you on was the most fun I’ve had in a while. And I wouldn’t miss seeing you play over watching a game that I’ve watched them play millions of times.”

He smiled. “Thanks, Y/N.”

“Of course, dude. I’m so proud of you.”

“Sinclair! Let’s get rolling, man,” one of his teammates shouted by the doors of the men’s locker room.

“I gotta go. But I’ll see you this week?” You shook your head. “I’m leaving to California tomorrow morning. But when I get back, we’re going wherever you want and we’re celebrating.”

He gave you one last quick hug before rushing off, waving at you before slipping behind the locker room doors.

You grinned and made your way outside, tugging your jacket tight around your body. Since Dustin wasn’t already at the car, you figured it would probably only be a few more minutes until they all got out, so you sat up on the hood and stared at the doors that they usually exit out of.

A chill raked up your spine as you continued to sit idly, but a split second later, it was scorching hot, every part of your body radiating with so much heat that it felt as if you were burning alive. A pained whimper rumbled in your throat and you struggled to rip off your jacket, only to see your entire left arm completely engulfed in flames.

A scream tore through your chest and you patted it out, legs going weak from the pain and sending you crumbling to the asphalt. Blinking the tears from your eyes, you lifted your hands off of the ground as you settled on your knees and saw that shards of glass were embedded into your palms. Confusedly, you glanced down to see that glass littered the asphalt, digging into your now-bare knees that were once covered with denim.

Your breath left you in short pants, and you finally looked upward to see Starcourt Mall, its bright neon lights and glass ceilings glimmering under the night sky.

Then, its scream echoed.

The connection of Dustin’s fist to your shoulder startled you awake, and you clutched so tightly to the hood of your car that your fingers went numb immediately.

“Jesus, Y/N,” Dustin chided, brows furrowed. “You okay?”

You nodded fervently, releasing your grip on the car. “I’m fine, just...” you rasped, flipping your palms upwards towards the sky and taking note of their intactness; no blood, no glass, “Got super lost in thought.” Clearing your throat, you wiped your hands off on your jeans. “Where’s Eddie?”

If Dustin wasn’t confused earlier, he definitely was confused at that point. “Uhh, probably in his van?”

“Great, I’ll be right back.” All you offered was a tight-lipped smile before you hopped off of your hood and jogged over to Eddie’s van, easily able to locate by the blaring metal that cut through the crickets and mingling teenagers.

Luckily, he hadn’t even made his way into the front seat, still packing away boxes of D&D supplies into the large bed.

“Eddie!” you spoke, shifting awkwardly between your feet.

At the sound of your voice, he turned immediately to look at you, a beaming smile on his face. “Y/N, hi,” he hummed, leaning back against the back bumper of his van. “What’s the occasion?”

“What?”

“Well, you initiated the conversation for once, so I figured something special might be going on.” He cocked his head to the side, eyeing you.

You breathed out an exasperated laugh, shaking your head slightly. “Nevermind, I-”

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” he interjected, rising to his feet when you started to turn away. “C’mon, what were you gonna tell me?”

Your gaze fell to the asphalt, only to shoot them back up to his face an instant later, blinking harshly a few times. “I, uh, I’m leaving for California tomorrow.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “And I wanted to ask if you could... I don’t know, just keep an eye on Dustin while I’m gone? I know that he’s probably gonna spend all of his break with either you or Steve, so I figured it’d be best if you guys were the ones looking out for him, because god knows what my mom will be doing this week.”

He was silent for a moment, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “Y/N, you know that I would do absolutely anything for you, but-” He let out a breath. “You do know that Dustin is in high school now, right?”

“Yes! Yes, I know... I know that.” You cleared your throat and closed your eyes. “It’s stupid, I know. It’s just that we haven't been apart for this long- Well, he was gone for a while when he was at camp last summer but... I’ve never left Dustin in Hawkins for this long.”

When your eyes opened, you saw a look of realization washing over his features. “Oh.”

Everyone knew about your “disappearance” back in ‘83. Your mother had nearly lost her mind when she realized that you hadn’t came home that night, the night that you went out with Jonathan and Nancy to look for Will, and she called the cops. All of your friends were terrified, too, you learned when you came back. Of course, they sort of knew where you were, but they couldn’t get to you, and that almost scared them more.

When you came back, your experience was similar to Will’s. All of that fake sympathy, staring eyes, whispers. You experienced it all.

But Eddie’s expression, his soft eyes and tilted head and hands that constantly folded and unfolded, was one that felt so sincere, so real that it made your heart ache.

“Yeah,” you whispered, chewing on your lower lip. “I-It won’t be a lot, y’know. Just giving him rides if he needs them, not taking him to dangerous places, no drug stuff, entertaining him-”

“Okay.”

“What?”

He chuckled. “Okay, I’ll keep an eye on him. I mean, he’s a kid, he can’t be that hard to deal with, right?”

“Give him comics and some random cassette tapes and he’ll be set for hours.” You glanced back at your car, seeing that Dustin was still standing outside of it, watching you two scrutinizingly. You laughed and turned back to Eddie. “Thank you.”

“Of course. Like I said, anything for you.”

Heat rushed to your cheeks and you nodded quickly. “Right, uh... I guess I’ll see you in a week then.”

“We’ll see if I survive that long without you,” he teased, giving you a wink before turning around and closing the doors to his trunk.

You rolled your eyes and turned on your heel, making your way back to Dustin who was, still, watching you.

“You’re going to see Jonathan, aren’t you?”

You froze in your tracks, thinking for a moment before looking over your shoulder at Eddie. “What?”

One of his hands was resting against his van, but he was facing you completely. All of the teasing in his face was gone. “Jonathan Byers. He moved to California, right? That’s why you’re going to California?”

With a shaky breath, you nodded. “Yeah.”

A brief expression flashed over his features, one that you couldn’t quite place but made your breath hitch all the same, before he smiled. “I hope you have fun,” he spoke earnestly, giving you a nod and a wave before retreating out of view behind his van and into the driver’s seat.

With furrowed brows and pursed lips, you walked back to your car, nerves swelling in your stomach.

“What were you guys talking about?” Dustin questioned as soon as you were within earshot, accusation lacing his voice.

“God, what are you, my mom?” you teased, fishing your keys out of your back pocket and shooing Dustin away to his side of the car.

He got in begrudgingly and buckled up, but the moment you started the car, he spoke again. “If you don’t tell me what you were doing, then I’ll tell mom that you were flirting with a boy.”

You rolled your eyes, pulling out of your parking spot and making your way out of the lot. “You wanna break her heart? She’s still convinced that Steve and I are gonna get together.”

“Were you flirting with him?” “No! God, no.” You chuckled, eyeing him out of your peripheral. “Why does it matter anyway that I was talking to Eddie? Don’t you like him?” “Not if he’s flirting with my sister! Or worse, dating!” He spat out the last word like it was poison. “Besides, you and Jonathan are supposed to be together.”

“Jesus Christ, are you still hellbent on that?” You shook your head, clenching your jaw for a moment before releasing it with a deep breath. “If you don’t remember, him and Nancy are still very much together, and I am still very much not his first choice.”

“And yet you’re still traveling thousands of miles away to visit him?”

“Yes! Because he’s my friend and I miss him. And I’m also going to see El and Will and Joyce. It’s not just for Jonathan.”

“I don’t know, it feels like it’s just for Jonathan-” “Can we please fucking drop this!” you finally shouted, slamming your palms against the steering wheel. “Can I just go to California and inevitably get my heart broken because he’s still in love with Nancy and I’ll come back and pretend like I’m fine even though I’m not and I’ll never have to hear about me and Jonathan being together ever again because it won’t fucking happen! Please!”

Dustin shrunk in his seat at your outburst, concern settling on his features.

“I’m sorry,” you rasped, scrubbing a hand down your face as you slouched against your seat. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I just... I’m so terrified.”

“About what?” he spoke quietly.

You shrugged. “Everything. Him not wanting to see me, getting my heart broken, having to deal with being in love with someone who doesn’t want me. Being alone for the rest of my life because I don’t think I can love anyone else.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Slowly, he inched back up in his seat. “Do you remember Julie?”

“Your crush in like, 3rd grade?”

“Yeah! God, I thought she was the one for me and I wouldn’t ever find any body else. But then I met Suzie, and now I feel so stupid for ever thinking that Julie was the one.”

“I mean, I guess. But you’re a freshman, Dustin, and... and I’m fucking graduating in two months! I think I might have lost my chance.”

He shrugged. “Maybe when you come back from spring break, you’ll realize that Jonathan isn’t the one. That there’s someone better.”

You sighed, pulling into the driveway and unbuckling. “I sure hope so.”

---

Tags: @just-my-fandom @nightbu-g @neemonroe @padf00ts-l0ver

62 notes · View notes

bladespark · 1 year

Note

Hi!

I have just found your blog, led here by the art you commissioned of Ares/Dite/Dio. I recognised your handle from AO3. Always glad to follow Hades writers - I find so few here, at least those who write Ares. (I’m my_haunted_heart over there.)

Anyway - I then saw your multiple posts voicing frustration with Tumblr and I just couldn’t not say anything - I hope I can help a little :)

I’ve found that the best way to meet people here is reblogging - we communicate mostly through the hashtags, at least over in my corner of this place, but you can @ people in the comments section too and have a conversation with them there. Liking and reblogging friends’ posts, adding your thoughts in the tags - that’s how it’s done.

It also seems to help if you share original work - whether that’s actually sharing work that’s hosted here, making a master post for your blog, or just doing little announcement posts when you post something new on AO3 - it all helps people to know a bit about you and what you make.

(I’m personally fine with people direct messaging me to talk, too, though understandable that that could be an uncomfortable first step.)

As for the bots and the antis - unfortunately there’s no other answer than block block block :)

Anyway - I really hope you’ll stick around - I enjoy your work and I’m very active here so if I can help at all, let me know! ☺️

I do appreciate the kindness of this message. However, telling me to do what I already do is immensely frustrating!

I reblog things. And these just...sit there, having been reblogged. I really don't know what that accomplishes, I haven't seen anybody respond, reply, comment, etc. Sometimes somebody else reblogs them from me? That's it. I post original work all the time, that's 90% of what I do here! Those also just sit there. One kind person gives every one a like. Occasionally somebody else does as well. I see no comments, replies, or interactions. I've put thoughts into tags. Nobody responds to those thoughts. I am about *conversation*. Shouting into the void with zero response because it...what, means I'm Doing It Right and someday somebody will talk back maybe? I'm not online to be famous and collect followers, I'm online to TALK to people.

This site just isn't for me. I've been using it for years and years, and I have gotten absolutely nowhere. I get more interaction on DREAMWIDTH for god's sake. Dreamwidth!

And I'm sorry, if there is "no answer" to antis than to try to block every last one of the THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of them... I mean okay, I guess I can block any that wander into my space to directly talk to me, but I have to see them and their horrific, toxic, depressing, nasty opinions just to LOOK at the comments on any other post. Just to *see* content I might interact with here, I need to drown in a sea of hate.

No. I honestly am done. I only even saw this comment because somebody else linked me to a post here and I noticed the message icon after I've read it.

This site does not work for me. I've been here well over a decade, I've gotten nowhere, and I can't deal with it anymore. I'll Postybirb content when I can, but that's really it.

#i know its great for some people #i am not some people I am me

2 notes · View notes

soundofseclusion · 1 year

Text

Pokemon Series Retrospective, Volume 0: Introduction

Context

Since this is the first post of what I assume will be many, here’s a little background for what I’m intending to do here. I’ve decided to start a play through of every Pokemon game (which I want to play), roughly in order of release. What that actually entails, generally, is playing the third version of mainline games, potentially remakes if I feel like it, and whatever spinoffs I want surrounding the respective generation’s release. An example of this is that I played Pokemon Yellow, and so now I’m playing Gen 1 spinoffs. I may bounce back and forth between mainline games and spinoffs, and this isn’t down to an exact science (I’m not forcing myself to play things I don’t enjoy), but that’s the gist of it.

As far as the writing in these retrospective posts, it’ll just be some general thoughts I had either visiting or revisiting each game. I’ll talk about what’s aged well, what surprised me, what I enjoyed, what I hated, whatever. I’ve been writing about games I played on my Twitter all year (I completed 101 of them in 2022!), but I’m severely limited in how much I can write about those games over there, so I want this to be an opportunity to talk about video games more. I also realize I’m generally shouting into the void, but I hope at least a few people enjoy these.

These retrospectives might be rife with spoilers, so be warned if you care about the endings of decades-old games you’ve yet to play. Spoilers will always be behind a break, along with the majority of a longer post.

I will cover the first game I played in Volume 1: Yellow! See you then!

#pokemon #pokemon series retrospective #games writing #sound writes

3 notes · View notes

islandoforder · 2 years

Note

Hey, just wanted to pop in to tell you that I have a lot of fun reading your reactions and commentary to d20! I love seeing people hyped up on things I also like and the fact that you spill out everything in your head so that I can go 'HELL YEAH! Someone else also saw that!' Or 'oh my God I didn't even see that! This thought will now circle in my brain for months' is very fun and I hope you continue having fun with it ^-^

ahhhh this is v sweet! i love dimension 20 so much, and i find it SO fun to live react as i go… sometimes i feel a little like i’m shouting into the void or worry that i’m clogging the tags, so it’s lovely to hear that you’ve been enjoying reading them

#chatting away #also for the record you’re always welcome to send me asks/reply in the posts themselves if you wanna talk about it or add your own comments

5 notes · View notes

fair-dinkum-mechanic · 11 months

Text

I have failed in all I’ve wanted to do. Shouting into the void, I know. But the older I get the more I understand. Love isn’t anything that matters. Especially in our lives as gay men. We all want it, of course we do, but we toss it aside for carnal pleasure, we are animals after all. I’m even guilty of it, I speak this as I know it’s true. I’ve lived it.

There’s gentleness out there. I know it because I’ve had it from others and it’s within me.

But as a person in the world, I have failed. I have failed as the worlds nature is at its core, cruel. The world is cruel and uncaring. I grew up very sheltered, and very privileged, so I didn’t see the cruelty of the world early on. Perhaps that’s why I’m so unprepared for it.

Heartstopper was sweet, it was, but I look at it and I know that’s not the reality we live in. I couldn’t enjoy it because I know it’s not what happens, I know it’s more about material than heart.

I am tired of sex. I don’t want to do it anymore. I fade away when I do it. What’s the point. It’s so menial. It’s nothing. You build up and up to a boiling point and say “fuck yeah” twenty times and then you have a blank few seconds before you head off to repeat the same cycle again. It’s nothing. But it’s everything. To the world it is everything.

I sold myself to it once. I thought I was taking what I wanted. Pleasure. But it was too late and realised the world was actually taking from me. And those pieces of me were lost.

Maybe those are the pieces I needed to not fail as Marc. Maybe if I’d held onto them, I’d be okay right now.

Maybe the world sees me wanting to care for others as a weakness and is trying to harden me up, and make me cold. I wish it would succeed. I wish it would do it. Why is the scared little boy inside of me so strong.

I can give the grandest gestures of love without even thinking that they’re grand. I can and have travelled tens of thousands of miles for love, but at the end of the day, what matters is what’s right in front of you.

My heart has been eroded. And instead of being steel underneath it’s just tender and gooey and can’t keep its shape. So it just melts. Slowly.

I don’t want anything. I just don’t want to be in pain anymore. That’s all I want. I want the pain to stop. I need the pain to stop. But all the world tells me is that the pain is my fault, and that the pain is here to stay. Endure. Feel it sting your bones. Because it won’t change. Learn to love the pain. I can hug others through theirs. I can be with them and understand it, but I can’t fight my own. It’s cruel.

“I am in pain” “I’m so sorry, I know how you must feel, I hate seeing you in pain.”

“I am in pain.” “That’s your fault. Deal with it and cope.”

I wish I could. I wish I could shove it down and cope. But I am broken. My brain is diseased, with bpd. I’ll never be able to do that.

I am so sorry to everyone I have failed. I hope I have made you feel loved and valued at least a little bit.

I am so sorry. I am so so sorry. And no amount of sorry will fix or make up for my failings as a kind human being. No sorrys will change the world.

I was blind to the worlds true nature. But I my eyes were opened and I am scared. I am scared and I want to go home.

I am so sorry that I’m so scared. I want to go home. I want a hug.

But hold me down. Use me. My body belongs to the earth. The earth must use it.

Please if you need a hug, come to me. I would like to give you a hug. Just a hug. I’ll hold you through the dark. I know how cold it is in here. I know how the mind shows you images you can’t escape, even with a warm hug. But I am here. I’ll hold you through them. If I have to hold you for weeks I will. Just feel that it’s not cruel. I won’t be cruel. There’s so much more.

Please hug me. Please make the demons go away. Make my mind forget the grid. Rescue me. Please put me in the warm. That’s all I want. I want to be warm for others, I want to be in a world where love comes first. Not sometimes, but always. I don’t want to live in a world where love does not come first. It’s not for me.

I understand anger at me. It’s the world working through others, to pull me into line. To remind me of my place. To mould me into what nature wants.

I don’t think I can be okay. I don’t think my world is mine. It belongs to the dark now.

As someone who is always there perhaps it’s time for others to discard me, as they can cope with the world and how it is. And so I close my eyes. And I go to sleep. And the dark keeps going. It keeps swirling. It never stops.

I hope my love was good enough for this world. I hope it doesn’t fade.

Perhaps I am too difficult. Too risky. Too burdensome.

No matter what I type I cannot accurately describe my pain.

Love.

1 note · View note

elsartzz · 11 months

Note

I really love your art! your style is so pretty, it's like eye candy fr. you're such a skilled artist! also, I wanted to mention that I saw a couple of your thoughts posts and I wanted to suggest possibly investing into a journal to write them down into instead—I've found it helps to get the negative thoughts out, and then you're not broadcasting them to random strangers on the internet. not trying to throw shade, just genuinely concerned for your mental health. I really do enjoy your mha and genshin art, and it makes me happy when you post it! I love how you added both kaeya and klee in your recent contribution to the barbie meme lol. I hope you're having a good day, and if not, I hope things start looking up real soon! stay safe, and don't be too hard on yourself, alright? you're an awesome person 🩷 this is your sign to keep going

Hello!! Thank you so much for the kind words, I’m happy you like my art :))

Regarding the comment abt my thoughts posts – aw thanks for your concern! But first off, it’s actually been a while since I posted those (I checked and I think it was more than a year back? same w my mha art tbh– either you’ve been following for a while or you must’ve scrolled a lot LOL either way I’m impressed.) and I did delete a bunch of older emo posts and shifted some stuff to a more private blog, cos I realised it wasn’t too healthy to post everything online.

And I do have a journal!! It helps me a lot to get my thoughts out of my head and reason through emotional issues. I highly recommend keeping a journal too (even though I haven’t updated mine in a few days lol).

As for why I have the tendency to post more personal thoughts online… sometimes I want to share about smth ppl might find relevant, and sometimes I simply want the space to quickly vent about things that I can’t share with people in real life (for whatever reason). And I only do it cos I know I’m a small account (half my followers are bots) and it doesn’t really “endanger” my reputation and all that.

It’s a bit like shouting off a mountain or into a void, except sometimes the void speaks back and is kinda somewhat decent to you.

And occasionally people have replied!! (not on Tumblr tho lol) to share help/advice/support, which has been really nice.

But yes, I’m aware venting on the internet is probably not the healthiest and can be potentially dangerous as well. Also maybe it’s a bit of a turnoff if an artist you like keeps complaining about how miserable they are lol.

Don’t worry I’ll be sure to keep to myself more since my account is growing a bit, and draw a line between how much and what I share on the internet. I’m aware of Internet safety!!

…but just wanna say I’m probably not gonna stop random posting about unimportant things in life like how horrible my sweaty palms are lol they’re the literal worst FRRRR 😭😭

#elsaskzz #thanks anon for caring #and for saying it in a nice way #ngl I got a bit scared that ppl were judging me #i went and deleted a bunch of my tweets LOL #but yeah oversharing online is not the best!!#have to be discerning haha #ALSO I AM VERY LONGWINDED I APOLOGISE #oh last thing but don’t worry anon I am doing okay #my sense of humour is a bit self-deprecating #but all’s good I’m aware of what’s going on #and trying to make small changes #one step at a time!!#:)

1 note · View note

fictionkinfessions · 1 year

Note

(Thankfully, I had the foresight to type this up in a note before sending it as an ask!)

Abigail,

Hey, it’s your brother, Cecil here! (Not that you need a reminder of who your brother is. I thought I should clarify, so that everyone else named “Abigail” could stop wondering if this was directed at them, lol.)

I almost always write something like this at this time of year. Perhaps I should do it more often other times, too? I don’t know.

As I think I’ve mentioned before, I consider these messages like shouts to the void: There’s a small chance that somewhere, an Abigail reads this, and that would be nice. Considering the endless amount of universes and timelines and Cecils out there, statistically speaking, it’s not likely that it will be my Abigail. That’s alright, though! I aim to make the best of the circumstances at hand, and I would still be very happy to know that this reached any version of my sister (provided they enjoyed reading it).

I may have touched on names already before. I may do this every time, actually? (My memory hasn’t much improved between this life and the last. Which is to say, it’s never been great.) We were on amicable terms the last time I remember speaking with you, so perhaps “Abby” would be fine. But, I can’t recall if you actually said anything about that. I don’t want to go out on a limb and make assumptions, so, I’m sticking to the safer option. Though I hope I don’t come across as cold.

Anyways, enough semantics for now! This message is a tad late, actually. Funny thing is, I actually typed this up way back at the beginning of the month! I’m not entirely sure why my sentimentality kicked in early this year; I’ve been dealing with a bit of stress as of late, so perhaps that’s it. But I never got around to editing and sending it until tonight. Don’t know why. The stress, maybe? This holiday season turned out busy for me, as well.

I didn’t send this just to complain, though! I will be fine, naturally, these things pass. I’d love to know, how has life been treating you? Oddly, a lot of people I know have been having pretty shit luck lately. I can only hope you don’t relate to that. I hope all is going well for you. If not, I hope it’s going alright, at least. And if not even that, I’m sorry, and I hope life that will be kinder to you soon. A kind life is what you deserve, and I do believe that one will come for everyone eventually.

I hope you’ve been able to get in touch with Janice and Steve, too. I have seen a few of them around, so if you aren’t, (and you’d like to be,) I wouldn’t give up hope! As for me, my Carlos and I don’t talk as much as we used to, but we’re in touch, which is nice!

This ask has gotten too long already, so I’m going to cut myself off here, for the time being. Thank you for reading this. I hope it reaches you. I hope that this winter is kind to you. And if not, I hope it passes quickly, then. And I hope that knowing that I’m thinking of you can provide some form of solace.

Until next time, -Cecil G. Palmer #🎙🔮

]

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #🎙🔮#cecilgpalmerkin #wtnvkin #chara love #mod party cat

1 note · View note

seedsofwinter · 2 years

Text

my heart is not the problem

i’ve been thinking about somethings, regarding my relationships and connections, and wanted to just kinda write it out and throw it into the void rather than have to deal with like people replying to me about their own shit when it’s not about them, or not getting the nuance bc character limits. i miss livej void shouting and was suggested to try here.

so here i go. it’s a bunch of jumbled rambling thoughts, tmi, and tldr.

about 5 years ago, i was in the end of my last major relationship (”major” being something that lasts for more than a year, for my definition.) it would take a few more agonizing months of trying, failing, and ultimately pointing out it wasn’t working and getting told that my soon-to-be-ex had not been in love with me for about 10 months at that point. cool cool cool. he seemed to want to still have SOMETHING with me, so we filled out a “what do you want from this relationship” thing, one of those Relationship Buffet type graphics where each person answers honestly and then you compare.

he wanted to have sex with me still and nothing else. i wanted friendship and connection and nothing else.

this knowledge will fuck me up for a long time.

because when we got together, he’d been THE FIRST person i’d dated who liked me physically. i thought, wow, amazing, someone is ATTRACTED TO ME??

and over the nearly 4 years we were together, i slowly felt worse and worse about this. because i saw what his preference was.... and yes, some people were aesthetic-attraction attractive but also.... people i was like “oh no” about. and i looked at the aesthetically-attractive people (the only attraction mode i actually have that ever feels active; im aroace spec) and i looked at the people who i went “um pass”, and i knew i was in the “um pass” column.

so like, to have him only want to fuck me? a thing i did with him bc it was a tertiary attraction, something i could do with him bc i enjoyed him enjoying it? no. noooo. this did not result in further in-person interaction, and we moved to just being online acquaintances. but i had really loved him; he was the first person i felt what i thought love must feel like, but probably it was just feeling special and attractive to someone that got into my head.

i think it was about a year later that he “admitted” to me that he had run into a few people in that time between who had similar issues that i had (i’m poor, and got a ton of mental health fuckery) and that when he looked at the issues he knew that--if he could find ways past them--who he really wanted to be with was me.

and i told him STOP THAT. i told him I DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. i told him JUST DO BETTER WITH PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE, that’s how you can do right be me but STOP WANTING ME. it was gross that he’d tell me that, when i knew what he really missed was the kink and the fucking.

and within 6 months i blocked him. he got weird about being blocked, and a friend sent me screenshots of him LOSING HIS FREAKING MIND in a private group and accusing me of wanting to sleep with people who we had as mutuals, bc he couldn’t understand why i would still be friends with people i met through him if that wasn’t that case. (it’s not and never has been the fucking case. it’s been 5 years: he’s the last person i had sex with. i hope i can find someone else to have sex with before i die so he’s not THE LAST person, but i don’t want to have sex with anyone, and i don’t want relationships. i need to, like, find someone a few years from now to be like “help me not die with the last cock i touched being this shitbag ex of mine’s, and then let’s never see each other ever again.”)

anyway!

a little over 2 years ago, 3 years after that guy, i entered into an online relationship (the type is relevant bc no physical interaction) that lasted about 9, 10 months? they’re a good person. and being in a relationship with them was good for me for about 6 months, after which point i had some old family shit dredged up, and i was dealing with some of the worst dysphoria i’ve ever felt. these were not their fault, but these were pieces of my life which impacted my ability to be a good boyfriend. my own definition of one at least. i’ve since traced back a bunch of my dysphoria to--and again not their fault--the gift of a video chat i gave over the holidays. they’d wanted that, and it felt like not a huge deal. i’d done video chats during the pandemic with friends, and while they were draining for me, i could make that choice knowingly. i thought, too, hey, i’ve sent this person im in a relationship with a chunk of selfies, and we would talk on the phone once a week for hours and hours past when they should’ve been in bed. it’s just moving pictures; they know what i look like, they know what i sound like.

but something about seeing myself in the little image in the corner, and knowing that they could see me, as i look and not as i AM, ugh. that caught right the fuck up in my brain, hard.

so for the last 3 months of that relationship, i tried really hard not to overthink what i looked like, coupled with the depression of family shit (which included a death), but ultimately failed in that endeavor--like failed so hard i stopped taking selfies even just for myself, and maybe i take one but then i see it, cringe, and delete it.

when they finally called me out on my crap, my not talking to them as much or seeming excited to make plans to meet up, i had to be honest and realize i couldn’t give the kind of time that i would want to give them if i was in a good place, and the kind of time they were seeking from a relationship. it let me realize, in general, that i can’t give regular time to anyone. that i’m better off and HAPPIER not in a pairing type relationship.

i’ve considered myself some variation of non-monogamous for at least 15 years, and have never been monogamous, truly. like, even in high school, that just didn’t make sense to me but i didn’t have the words or the maturity to not fuck it up. so finding the, i guess, grace to let myself not want and not seek ANY relationships, both for myself and bc it wouldn’t be fair to whoever i was dating? for nearly a year and a half, that has been great. i’ve felt a lot less stress to date bc i can just say outright and honestly, oh no, i don’t date. i’m a confirmed bachelor, thanks much anyway.

but here’s the problem, the part that i’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

see, people act like if you don’t date, if you don’t Love Someone, that you’re not open to the experiences of love. how can you love if you’re not IN LOVE with a person you’re dating?

i’ve sat with this question. because i do love. i am VERY open with my heart, in fact, because i trust it to a lot of people: i have so many best friends and close friends, and i trust them with my heart. i don’t “trust they’ll never hurt me”, no, i trust that they’re worth the risk, and i’m willing to take it, that chance I'll get hurt emotionally by a friend. i want to love them and experience the love from them in those ways. it is fulfilling, and asks nothing of me that i cannot say no to, nothing that makes me feel guilty for not giving.

then i saw a line in a fandom comic. it’s 2 characters in a ship i adore, they’re having sex for the first time. and one says how they trust the other with their heart and soul; the other says they trust the first with their body.

and that really struck me. because I don't know a single person I trust with my body. i couldn’t imagine it. it was revolting to consider, and i was disgusted thinking about an imaginary-me that would trust like that. what would i have trampled over on my boundaries, to be in such a position again?

and like i said, i’m asexual. i tend to cycle around whether i’m sex-positive, -neutral, -averse, or -repulsed depending on how i’m feeling. but i havent in the past been opposed to physically connecting with a partner. it’s often something that was AT LEAST a small piece of my relationships when all averaged out. i figured it was just something i’d be okay with at some point in the future.

but as vaccines rolled out and the possibility of putting my actual physical body’s safety into someone else’s hands became less of a theory and more of a THING that might happen, it was terrifying. i hadn’t realized and i DIDNT realize until i started thinking about it after that comic’s line, that i don’t trust my body to anyone but myself.

i thought i’d made this realization. this choice. to not date people and not seek it. because I didn't want to disappoint anyone when i am not as emotionally available as they would seek from a partner; that i didn’t want to be seen as cold when i cannot give of myself bc i’ve learned my own boundaries are extremely not in keeping with what the world teaches others to expect from someone who loves them. and these parts are still true but it's so much more that I do not trust anyone would want to be physical with me with good intent. even if know they’re not a bad person.

part of it is, as I’ve become more solid in my gender identity and needs, the desire to be seen in certain ways. but the expectation is the typical ‘person who'd expresses interest in my body’ would subconsciously gender it/me, would sexualize my body parts when that’s not their right. it feels like people have always either not been attracted to me (feels great, super...) or been attracted to pieces of me that i hate (also great, love it!).

before those relationships i mentioned above, i had one that was barely physical, but when it was, i had to stay within my least favored gender mode for her, and she didn’t like her body either so i couldn’t enjoy boosting her up without her feeling dysphoric about it.

i had another relationship that withheld affection when i needed comfort.

i had another relationship that “got it out of the way” in the beginning and we barely ever touched after that bc she mostly liked me for my brain. a year of goodnight kisses, and wondering what i did wrong to see the hesitation any time she reached out to me. (and like i know it’s not my fault, but at the time, it didn’t feel good.)

another was purely a kink relationship, and that was probably the best 3 months of my trusting someone else with my body. bc everything was based around negotiation and consent. it’s honestly a shame that the more recent relationship guy who was into my body has my mind associating kink with really negative stuff, bc i was always a proponent of kink doesn’t have to equal sex; and this relationship really helped me solidify that feeling, as well.

but another, i dealt with fatphobic bullshit, and [cw: mentions of past sexual assaults] he mostly wanted to sexually assault me in my sleep. [/end cw]

another i was hidden and not allowed to talk about us, bc she didn’t want her girlfriend learning she was being unfaithful.

and these are just the people i trusted with my body. like a damn fool. that’s not the physically abusive parents. the other kinds of bodily abusive adults and schoolmates. my body has NEVER BEEN SAFE except when i’m in control.

so sure, i can give the trust of my heart just fine. but i can’t imagine trusting another person with my body ever again.

and that makes me feel... so much more broken than when i first thought about it all. when i thought no, this is a boundary, and it’s good and healthy. now im not so sure. but im not willing to try, on the off chance i was right and shouldn’t be trusting anyone but myself on this.

#personal #relationships #trauma #sexuality #voidshouting

1 note · View note

muffindaddystyles · 3 years

Text

LOST IN ITALY.

Where Harry's cute assistant gets lost in city of Italy and the thought of loosing her drives him bullocks.

Flatulent gust of breezy wind kept wiggling through Harry’s coffee lovelocks, sunshine bounces against his soft skin and his pink heart-shaped mouth stays puckered as he takes in the beauty of his surroundings with his cheek smashed over his wrist – which’s resting atop the rooftop of yacht and his head perks up puppy like when tufty giggles maroons in his ears.

He gazes his cute assistant from under his ray bans and skims back a timid smile when her face beams with glee, her cotton puffy sleeved sundress blows away from the breeze giving glimpses of her plump thighs and Harry sucks in a breath snapping his eyes away.

“Harry look s’beautiful!” She squeals taking another picture of landscape with her grandpa's vintage Yoshika camera and Harry just rumbles his lips, shrugs and slumps back, a lazy mumble of “mehhh” elicits past his lips.

She’s just so endearing, and cute and fucking adorable it’s hard for Harry to keep from not babying her.

When he first went to sets of My Policemen he considered her rather unprofessional, as everyone kept on finding her but it seemed like she vanished into thin air, turned out when Harry took a break in his cubby she was lighting up saffron and black scented candles, “Oh! Thought you’d like comin' back to nice smelling room —-- holy fudge .... by the way, me Y/N your new assistant for the meantime.” His all grumpiness defused into bunch of reverence for her.

She'd always beat him to bringing in brekkie and smoothies for him and her fellows, sometimes giving him the velvet muffins before he goes back home --- Harry became such a drooly lovey puppy for her that he decided to keep it stern from then.

He’s trying. He’s prolly gonna fail.

Y/N isn’t very immune to water trips and she was well aware that a sickness is coming – but so soon? She didn’t know that!

So, when she chokes onto nothing and then gags driving Harry into fritz. Harry tries to keep his balls in place and not panic because that’d just spill his secret and expose him.

He quickly facades himself under stoniness, “Christ! Y/N if you die on me —-,” Though, grabs her elbow lightly and walks her to the edge of the deck.

Y/n smacks his hand away. Glares him and grunts pushing her hair away aggressively, “Don’t tell me what to do I’ll die wherever the hell I want!” His pupils resembling to that of clashing waves of sea blows away comically as she huffs and pushes past him.

“Better die and ghost you for life.” She gags into her elbow again and he rushes to grab her hand, when she pulls away with a tut he rolls his eyes brings his glasses to the bridge of his nose and looks at her from under the brown sunnies, “Jeez just holdin' a hand, not gonna slip a ring, ‘s that what yer afraid of.”

“Just admit you’re desperate to hold my hand.” She smirks up at him and he cackles, then dims into nervous chuckles because oh fuck he’s getting caught red handed.

“No.” He mutters.

How much she resists not to pout and turn all fussy over his denial she ends up doing so and it’s his turn to smirk cheekily at her.

“Are you mad? You look mad.” He wiggles his finger at her and she grumbles folding her arms infront of her bosom and cranes her head to side, “I’m not mad.”

“Yer pretty face’s all screwed up, like you’re mad.” He nibbles at her and she glowers him --- sighing at last, the wisp of her hair falling in her eyes, her lips plush and glossy from sick.

“I’m perturbed, not mad.”

Then there’s an overrated pause of silence and heartbeats before Harry pokes her knee.

“You still look mad.” His face splits into a wide cheeky grin – showing his bunny teeth and she stands up hastily wobbling a little.

“’M’not mad! But I’ll be soon Harry Styles!!!!” She goes for smacking him at chest but he jerks back and sneaks his way out squealing annoyingly, “Mommy come save me from this feisty sea-creature.”

“You mean a mermaid?” She giggles.

“No. Frogfish.” He deadpans.

“I’m not talking to you ever again!” She cries out and turns away from him but he barks out a laugh --- riling her up is the most entertaining thing and seeing her make cute fussy faces another.

“’Kay, sorry! Wouldn’t do it again.” He toddles behind her and glides his forearm against her clavicles bringing her to his front, “Says this everytime!” She squirms pushing him away but he’s ten times stronger than her and even if she’s ... she’d want to spend some more time like this.

“Wouldn’t call ye' frogfish —-.. from now on.” She nods. Humming in agreement and he turns her, holding her from shoulders and looks down at her with glinting eyes and wide toothy mouth.

“How ‘bout blobfish? They look more funny.”

“I’m gonna kill you, Harry Styles!”

They were given a loft infront of the shore 10 minutes drive away from the shooting place and after fighting over who'll occupy the bed, bickering and pillow fighting over it and almost making it creaky loose bench Y/N went back to living room telling him that he snores so much, “Sorry but ‘m too sensitive to piggy snorey noises – better sleep outside.” He was fuming and gritty mess, flailing his limbs like a baby because he was “the hair on his directors head” away from sharing the bed with her.

“Whateva! your loss. Don’t come t'me beggin’ to pop your backbones.” He told her in high pitched mimickness and flumped under cool sheets.

His one hour nap turned into two then three. In the meantime, Y/N made a sandwich from the fresh veggies piled in the fridge, sipped onto her matcha drink sitting beside the window and enjoyed he view, even went through her socials.

Realized that she’s missing him around her terribly even if it’s just jokes and giggles and shit, whatever, so she took her camera and went outside to take pictures of shore and the purple sky battling with hue of clouds.

She got so charmed with Italy's beauty that she kept on walking and taking pictures, only to realize when the bustle of crowd dropped into tranquil quietness and she found herself into some unknown street.

She’s fucked.

She’s lost.

She has got nothing,

Not even her phone.

She contemplates to knock on the house doors and ask for locations but she’s petrified of the idea and tries to find some shop, so she could call someone and ask them to pick her up.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumbest decision, she has ever taken in her life.

When she sees no passer by, none tourists no-one in sight and the daylight defusing and darkness laughing and taunting her tears springs in her eyes --- bubbling at the corners and weeping down furiously.

Her heartbeats drops dead when she sees a group of men approaching towards her. She runs away hiding into the dark tunnel and clamps her mouth shut from crying out loud when they walk away -- they weren’t about to do anything to her – it was just her feared instincts.

“Harry ......” She whisper-cries into her wrist, her legs weak and trembly making her tumble down into dusty stoned pavement, her back getting scratched from the bricked wall of tunnel.

Harry woke up to pin-drop silence. Void of the sun that was once glimmering through the window, “Y/N.” He grogs out, knuckling the sleepiness away and trudged out finding the room empty.

It startles him. Waking him up properly now. A sweat flushes down his spine when he couldn’t even find her in the washroom and at the door-steps.

He dials her number and finds it at the coffee table, gruff cruses breathes out from his mouth at that.

FuckFuckFuckFuck.

His heart feels like someone’s squeezing it mercilessly in their grip when he goes outside, but couldn’t spot her and he finds it difficult to breathe, chest heaving as he snaps his head in every direction to look for the face he’s oh so in love with.

Where are you, Y/N?

Maybe, she’s angry with me? Did I hurt her in any way? Oh, fuck. I’m such a bitch.

Now, she’s angry with me and hiding in some corner cursing me out.

I have to bring her back.

So, he calls anyone in connection with Y/N in hopes that she’s with anyone of them and when there were, “no mate --- maybe check in the washroom...” and “last time she texted, said she’s going out to take pictures.”

Harry’s face pales at that. Sick to his stomach. His fists tighten by his sides to keep his calm the world around him spins for a moment and he stables himself with the nearby railing.

Bad thoughts spirals in his mind, how much he avoids them it frightens him like his worst enemy.

What if she’s hurt? It hurts him in heart even to think that.

Got into an accident and they took her?

Fuck.

What if some mafia has kidnapped her.

Obviously, Italy is famous for mafias ..... No!No!No! Harry shut up, shut up, shut uppppp!!

He screams internally to pause everything and think rationally.

He searches for her everywhere. In every street. His feet hurting until now and he chokes onto a sob, not even wanting to think of getting police involved and still not able to have her back.

He shouts for her name. Halting past anyone looking like her, that mini dress she flaunted infront of him with a gorgeous smile –-- asked him how it looked on her and he wasn’t very interested to give a response.

If he could take all of it back and praised her like his life depended on it, only if he’d told her how much he loves her, her making sure he’s comfortable in his cubby, her bringing cold milk drinks for him, dividing her oreos with him.

His hands shakes by his side, his lip twitching constantly and his legs trembles pathetically with each step he takes.

He stops. Narrows his eyes to squint through the darkness and he feels like someone blew oxygen back in his lungs, his knees weakening at the sight of some girl sitting on the bench, her shoulders slump and her head downwards as she clutches the edge of bench, rocking on it with quite sniffles.

He prays that it’s her.

Upon, hearing the footsteps Y/N looks up and those sweet eyes are enough for him to recognize her in between many people.

“Harry?” Her voice feeble and scared.

“Oh baby .....” He mumbles. Rushing towards her, stumbling back a bit when she flies in his arms and latches to him like the missing piece of her body.

His palms curves into her ribs, her face smashed into the crook of her neck – her tears wetting his skin instantly and his cheek squished atop her sweaty hair, he hugs her for dear life making her legs dangle in the air, she sobs nuzzling deeper into his throat and he caresses her shoulders to soothe her cries down. Kisses the side of her temple with tender affection and sighs in relief.

“Shhh. Shh baby, ‘s okay. I’ve found y’now ..... ‘m here sweetheart ‘s alright.” He doesn’t stop splodging soft pecks to her forehead – scared that if he’ll she’ll get lost from his arms again.

Her hiccups painful not letting her take a breather and Harry puts her down on her feet gently, taking her face in his clammy hands and hooks his thumb into her hair gazing into her glassy eyes intensely, “Hey look at me lovie’ just .. focus on me alright?” She nods at his plea grabbing his wrists and follows his breathing pattern.

He glances back at the bench and goes to grab her camera but she cries out fisting the hem of his corduroy shirt in her tiny hands, “No!” could barely choke out from her dry throat and he turns his attention back down onto her, strokes the rosy apple of her cheeks and pets her head.

“Not leavin’ yer side baby .. was bout to get your camera fo’ you. Could come with me if you don’t like stayin' away.” He assures her softly and trots towards the bench with his arms still around her as she keeps on hiding her face into his bicep.

They walk down the street like that, she has calmed down letting a sniffle slip here and there --- this kind of scenario has never happened to her before – she has never been outside of her home city before too.

He feels her tummy screech for food so asks her, chin butted atop her head, “You’re hungry, petal. Let’s get pizza.” She doesn’t feel like eating though. When she shakes her head – squeezing him more. He takes her from shoulders looking down at her with gentleness and brushes a strand of hair behind.

“Just a tad, darlin'. I know a delicious take away round the corner ... could eat it sittin' by shore.” He offers her with a smile and punches the air happily, whistling when she agrees.

When she giggles softly, defrosting back from numbness Harry spins them a little overly gleeful.

“Got me sweet girl back.” He exclaims ducking down to kiss her cheek and now when she’s less wobblish, her lungs fills with bunches of butterflies.

Blush splatters on her features. As Harry aligns his tanned arm with her delicate one and locks their fingers together lulling it backs and forth between them lovingly.

He keeps her tucked under his chin and snuggled in his arms all the time, even while waiting in the line for the take away.

“Ow!” Squeaks, “Ow. Ow.” Jumps on his tippy toes upon balancing the hot pizza on his palm.

Grins like a mad man when succeeds in making her laugh, takes her hand and helps her climb down slippery stones.

Goosebumps arises on her skin from shyness when he coils his strong arm around her to pick her up, with pizza in his other hand and giggles breathily in her ear upon hearing her squeals.

She sits in between his knees. Leans against his chest and inhales his woodsy vanilla scent, nibbles onto the crust while hearing his heartbeat.

“You scared the living hell out of me, lovie’ ... thought —-... thought I’d never be able to have you back again ... proper vanished.” He croaks out. Runs his nose up and down the sweet curve of her neck.

“Made me realise ... that I don’t want to be away from you, ever.” Y/n's breath hitches at that and she turns in his embrace. Looks at him with surprised doe eyes and coos when his eyes gloss over with wetness, that he’s forcing to keep at waterline.

“I really like you, Y/N.”

“You do?” She gasps.

He bobs his head giddily, “Can you picture it? You and I together?” He murmurs mellow street light dancing between them.

“’Us'? I like the sound of that....” She smiles searching for his hand and he grasps it eagerly like he was yearning for it.

“Kay then, when could I take you on a date?” He grins. Dimples mauving deep and pretty.

“This isn’t a date?”

“We’re in Italy. The sky's so romantic and I’ve got you, seems like a date to me....” She peppers kisses to each rosy gap of his knuckles and his inside bursts like they never did before.

“Kay then. It’s memorable too, you got lost on our first day –--”

“Harryyyy....” She whines nudging him in belly with her elbow. “’Kay we could change that.” He laughs. Showering her in kisses and her laughs whirls loudly into quite air, trying to squirm away from his tickles.

937 notes · View notes

muichiroslover · 3 years

Note

HEY!!

I saw you made a part two on the meliodas angst.

I was wondering if you could make a part two of that ban angst where ban runs into y/n years later. Cuz she survived the demon by jumping into a deep body of water somehow and washed up somewhere.

I just think its would be pretty cool 😅

Oooo yes! I changed up the story a little if you don’t mind! I hope you enjoy this!

Part 1 here!

Pairing: Ban x fem! reader (pt 2)

Warnings: none!

Genre: Angst

_______________________________________________

Meliodas sits at the bar as Ban cooks up some food for when the boar hat opens

“Hey Ban have you heard about that masked hero going around?” Meliodas asks as he gets himself a cup of beer

Ban turns around placing down a simple breakfast plate

“I’ve heard of them” he says shrugging and the door opens to show a excited Diane

“Are you guys talking about the masked hero?? I heard that she’s actually a girl!” She says excited as she sits close to Ban and Meli

“Oh yeah? I wanna meet this Masked hero, after all with her around she’s been taking all of our work” Meliodas says cheerfully

“Eh she doesn’t sound that interesting” Ban says dismissively and Diane rolls her eyes at that

Finally when the team had all arrived they were just chatting when all of a sudden their were booms and explosions, they all got up with haste

“That’s our call” Merlin says

“Please stay safe Ban” Elaine says and he nods

they all begin to leave the boars hat, they quickly follow the sound of the noises and screams

But by the time they had gotten there they were surprised to see a person fighting the last demon, a mask covering their lower face and a hood over them that pulled down to a cloak

“Is that-“ King begins surprised as the person finishes off the last demon and the people cheer and praise them

“That fighting style looks familiar, though I can’t quite put my finger on it” Merlin says putting a finger to her chin in thinking

“Well let’s not let her get away! I wanna ask her some questions!” Meliodas says excitedly as he starts walking towards the person

“Captain!” Diane shouts following after him and King sighs as he follows and so does the rest of the team

The person was adjusting their mask and putting their weapon away getting ready to leave until

“Hey! Masked hero, nice to meet cha! I’m meliodas!” A voice suddenly says next to them, they slowly look to the side and down at the little man who was grinning widely at them

The team soon gets closer as well causing the person to back up

“We won’t hurt you, our captain here is just too curious” King sighs as he sits up criss crossed on his floating pillow

The person still didn’t make a move to get closer or speak as she basically glared at the group in front of them

“Is it just me or is she glaring at us” King sweat drops and Gowther nods

“She is in fact glaring at us, after all we left her to die” he says and the whole team looks at him confused

That’s when Merlins eyes widened

“Y/n?” She asks and it falls silent as the masked person makes a ‘tch’ sound, slowly they remove their hood and pull down their mask

Your eyes looked tired and dead and your face void of emotion, you had a scar that took up most of your right cheek now and your hair was slightly disheveled

Everyones eyes widen upon seeing you and your new appearance

“W-we thought you died” Diane says, tears starting to form in her eyes and you stare blankly at them

Flashback

As the demon grabbed you you believed this was the end and that your life would end here because of your stupid love for a guy who never loved you

you thought you could accept that

you were wrong, you used the wine bottle you were drinking and broke it, you stabbed it into the demons hand that was gripping you and it let you go dropping you to the floor in pain

You got up quickly, limping a bit and started running as fast as you could, the demon didn’t stay still for long as it chased you, you started running towards the boars hat, but you suddenly stopped

It’s not like they were looking for you, in fact the one you thought you could trust the most left you for dead, you grit your teeth, running back to the place you dropped your weapon you find it and pick it up, you skillfully kill the demon and drop to the ground

You were in a lot of pain, the injuries were brutal, usually Merlin would heal you right up but now

You shakily get up

You limp around and end up leaving the town, you go to a town a few towns away and end up collapsing, when you wake up you slowly sit up to look around the infirmary type room, the door opens and a guy looks up and smiles

“You’re awake, I was afraid that you would be asleep for a day or two” he says and you get on guard, he noticed this and smiles kindly

“Don’t worry I won’t hurt you, I saw you collapsed and wanted to help, you can leave if you want but don’t push yourself too hard with those injuries” he says and you furrow your brows slightly as you slowly slip out of the bed

You keep an eye on the doctor who was fixing the bed you left and sighed when you realized he truly had no bad intentions

“Uh..thanks” you mutter and he turns around and lightly smiles

“You’re welcome”

It was like that for the rest of the months you were missing, you’d go out and fight demons then come back to Dr. Ealis’ office

“Jeez Y/n, this time is really bad” He says as he mixes potions together, you groan “Sorry Ea, they were tougher then I thought” you say as he sighs and hands you the light blue potion

“It’s fine, just don’t be too reckless” He reprimands and you roll your eyes as you chug the potion

Ealis also was the one who gave you the mask and cloak, he’s the only person you felt you could truly trust in this world

Flashback over

The team stand guiltily silent as you stared at them blankly

“That’s how I survived being left behind by my ex boyfriend Ban for his ex girlfriend Elaine” you deadpan looking directly at Ban who looks away from you

“We’re so sorry Y/n...” Merlin says not knowing how else to respond to this, Ban was biting his tongue to stay quiet, this hurt for some reason

You sighed as you pull back on your mask and pull your hood up

“I don’t care anymore, I’m fine as I am now and don’t need to rely on this team” you say

“Don’t say that! Please come back!” Diane cries and you close your eyes

“I’ll pass, I escaped death once, I won’t put myself in the position to have to escape it again, goodbye” you say and before they could say anything you were already off, they stood in shock and guilt

Ban covered his face as he sunk to the floor, a tear slipping out

“This is my fault, I’m sorry y/n”

#imagines #fiction #romance #writing #angst #ban x reader #sds anime #sds ban #ban sds #sds x reader #seven deadly sins #ban x elaine #seven deadly sins meliodas #sds meliodas #meliodas #sds gowther #gowther #merlin sds #merlin

461 notes · View notes

oro-e-diamanti · 3 years

Text

Quiet Music: Poco a poco forte

In collaboration with @bethanysnow (whose askbox is always open!)

Jealousy was never a good look with stardust in the other’s eyes. Boundaries are tested. Fantasies are made hot and heavy with some alcohol. Will they make it back to the hotel all in one piece?

Content | Fluff

Pairing | fem!Reader x Damiano

Word Count | 5845

Taglist | @damianodavide @lizstans @unitersmoonshine @its-afucking-mess @ethaneskin @dont-let-me-drown-in-you @vampirtet @lividisuigomiti @juststalking @tabi-toast @ethan-torchio-angelo @cheese-toastie-11 @thewitchinthemountain @ethanesimp @sofckinelectric @man3skin @daddydamiano @finelinejpm @superchrystaldrug @ginny-lily @nientedaridere @rainbowmarta @tiaamberxx @shaunthesheesh @enjcltaire @rocketqueen @aleksanderwh0r3 @damianodavidhands @megann-duff @teatrodellavita @coven-daddy @till-you-scream-and-cry @solasullabarca @fanfictionandfluff @makapaka11 @slave4yourlove @geklutst-ei @marriedwithmarktuan @bookish0918 @mehrmonga @kanevill @butterfly-skinnylegend @lidiyabest @killerqueen1985 @ccweasley @bluscryn @deluxeplanteater @ohtorchio @messyhairday-me @bidet-and-legolas @maybanksslut @fuckim-so-gay @demoiselle-en-detresse00 @petit-poussin @fedorable-killjoys @luvbadass @buttercup-beeee @navs-bhat @etaerealboyv @tryymebitch @mell-bell @fenhakwe @solacestyles @softforlukescurls @vicsangel @theimpossiblehologramtree

***

Copenhagen was a whirlwind that barely left any time to breathe. Even the short break Y/n was granted in between was promptly used to make a dash for the nearest tourist shop. Adding a fridge magnet to her growing collection. No misses so far. She’d be lying if she wasn’t proud of it. Victoria gave a little tour through the city, giving ample opportunity to provide the fans with content via various social media platforms. A mad scramble back to the venue, soundcheck, dinner. A gig full of little mishaps, including Ethan losing a drumstick halfway through and Damiano almost tumbling off stage. At least the crew had gotten into a groove, ‘new tour’ jitters finally forgotten. That night, at the hotel, Y/n had found herself standing outside her door, empty ice bucket in hand. Somewhat wondering, hoping, someone would join her. Not just anyone. Him. But she wouldn’t knock on his door and he didn’t come to hers. It wasn’t to be. At least not that night.

The morning had brought the band another wake-up call from Y/n. Everyone was starting to settle into their routine. Get ready, get on the bus, get handed coffee by Y/n. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying this little comfort of domestic bliss, taking care of the people she was starting to consider friends. It felt right.

***

Damiano’s morning wasn’t quite as peaceful. His thoughts were plagued by images of Y/n. His decision to ‘cool it’ and back off a little seemed to be biting him in the arse. When she had come around to wake him up, she had been in a partially sheer blouse, black jeans and boots and he thought she looked like the perfect little alternative housewife. Luring him out of bed with the promise of coffee and breakfast. Now he was sitting on the couch on the bus, watching Y/n fly around the little kitchenette and he couldn’t keep his eyes off her bum in those jeans.

Nope, he wasn’t going to do anything about it. Not now. The conversation with Victoria two nights ago was still ringing in his head. He had decided she was right - no use in pursuing anything unless he was certain what he was feeling and what he wanted out of it. He would still have enough time to make his move once he figured it out. Right? He didn’t know what Y/n was thinking. Or what she thought of him, so no use dwelling on it. Still the thought struck him, he barely knew anything about her. He should probably talk to her more. Infallible logic, he thought to himself. Backing off and talking to her at the same time. Great.

“Y/n… how do you usually take your coffee, by the way?”

“Lots of creamer, usually. Sometimes a bit of sugar, if I’m feeling fancy. Or if I’m feeling really fancy at a café, I might get a caramel macchiato.”

“Caramel is always nice.” Of course, she would like caramel, he thought to himself. “Do you normally drink coffee or are you more or stereotypical British tea drinker?”

“I enjoy a cuppa when I’m home, definitely. Italians aren’t exactly known for their tea now, are they?” A smirk appeared on her face, maybe a little baffled by the conversation, but happy to humour him. “Lady Gray is a particular favourite. Followed by breakfast tea with some sugar and milk. Before coffee. I can make you some tea sometime if you fancy?”

“That’d be great. You know, I just had an amazing idea actually,” Damiano grinned. “When we first went to Berlin, there was this amazing tea shop - would you want to go when we have the gig there?”

“That sounds lovely,” Y/n replied. “Of course.”

Another step closer to getting to know her.

***

“Right, we’ve all got an hour until soundcheck and some press things, I’m gonna go take Chili on her walk, you lot do whatever you want until then.”

Y/n had expected a few non-committal grunts, a wave, maybe a “see you later, I’ll go have a nap”, but instead, the whole band seemed to be on their highest energy levels. All of them immediately scrambled to their feet, looking for shoes and jackets, proclaiming they wanted to see the city, maybe take some pictures for Instagram along the way. Y/n wouldn’t dare complain about the company.

It didn’t take them long to reach the harbour, walking along the river as they enjoyed the bustle of town and the view. Y/n found herself pulling out her phone, telling everyone to gather around her.

“I’m no photographer, but I do need some memories of all of this. Thomas, stop pulling that face!” Thomas quickly dropped the grimace as she took the picture, the historic old town in the background. Chili was busy running around between the five of them, loving whoever gave her the attention the most. Y/n thought Victoria was reaching for the leash, already preparing to hand it over, but instead the bassist grabbed her hand. Obviously in a giddy mood, she began swinging their intertwined hands between them as they walked. Y/n couldn’t bite back a smile. She had missed having a close friend ever since she had moved to Italy leaving her best friend behind in the UK and she felt like this blossoming friendship with Victoria could truly begin to fill the void in her heart.

The blonde girl pulled her into a deep hug as Chili decided to go bother Ethan instead.

“I want a photo with just you,” Vic explained, pulling out her own phone for a snapshot. Y/n complied with a sigh but wrapped her arms around her, ready to take the picture. Right as the click went off, Victoria pressed a kiss to her cheek, taking her by surprise. Neither of them could hold back a giggle at her face in the photo.

“I’ve got a surprise for you, by the way,” Y/n spoke up as a little break in the conversation offered itself. If only to distract from the affection and it worked perfectly. All eyes and ears on her. “I’ve booked a little dinner for tonight. But not just any dinner. A burlesque one!”

The group let out various cheers. Thomas immediately ran ahead of the group, shamelessly faking a striptease as they kept walking. Damiano made sure to record the performance, already giggling to himself. Thomas was in the middle of shrugging off his jacket, walking backwards, when - ouch! - he bumped into a pole, heavily bonking his head. Everyone erupted into hysterical laughter, and after rubbing the back of his head with a pour for a moment, even the guitarist joined in.

“You alright?” Y/n asked breathlessly, trying to hide the giggles in her voice, genuinely concerned about him still.

“Besides the fact that I just got all of you to drop your panties for me? I’m great!” The blond grinned at his own joke, as everyone else rolled their eyes.

“Yes! Oh my god, take me Thomas!” Damiano gasped dramatically, pushing himself up against Thomas, who grabbed onto his leg to dip him.

“Wait! Hold on!” Y/n shouted, once again grabbing her phone as the captured the moment. “Now that’s one for the fridge.”

***

Backstage was business as usual. Y/n once again took the time to watch the band soundcheck, always feeling soft looking at the way they played without having to be ‘on’, without putting on a big performance. Yet, she was still in work mode, phone displaying the name of a reporter she was waiting on, along with the name of the magazine she was working for. It didn’t take long for her to appear.

The woman was undeniably beautiful. Thin figure, long, red hair, picture perfect makeup. Even her clothes were pressed, luxury brands decorating her, adding to the pristine image. A press pass hung around her neck, acrylic nails tapping something into her phone. Leaning back, Y/n noticed the particular red leather on the bottom of the woman’s heels.

It was only after putting her phone away that she acknowledged Y/n at all.

“Anywhere I can sit down with the band?” Her eyes barely even met Y/n’s.

“Uh, yeah, once they’re done with soundcheck, they will be in the greenroom,” Y/n said, mustering the woman. “You the reporter?”

“Sure, sure. Can I go there now, sit down, get ready?”

Y/n studied the press pass on the woman’s neck, making sure she was actually the person they were looking for and shrugged. “Alright, follow me.”

She led the reporter further backstage. The greenroom was fitted with a couch and a couple of chairs, a vanity in front of the mirror and makeup already carelessly thrown around. A costume rack in the back.

“Make yourself at home.”

“Thanks,” the woman muttered, looking around the room, obviously dissatisfied with it’s slightly chaotic state and - probably - lack of style. “That’s all I need you for, then.”

Y/n’s eye twitched, busying herself with the clothes, reorganising them to distract herself.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but rules are rules. Can’t be in a room alone, privacy reasons and all that. I’m sure you understand.”

“Well then.” She carefully placed herself on one of the chairs, highly aware of her posture, her face, and the fact that she’d be right in view of everybody entering the room. “Maybe you can be a bit of help, then. You know, a little insider information between us girls… How into the whole, you know, rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle are they really? I’m talking, drugs, alcohol… groupies?”

It was no question as to what she was hinting at.

“Well, Damiano has a whole tattoo verifying that he hates parties. Plus, they’re not really known for that kind of stuff. And for the interview, I’d rather you stick to the approved questions that your magazine has discussed with our management. There’s no ‘insider information’ here -” Y/n was about to talk herself into a whole rant, when the door opened and the band moved into the room, joyous and hyped for the show that evening.

Victoria was the first to bounce over to Y/n, kissing her cheek, before collapsing on the couch next to her. Ethan, Thomas and Damiano followed suit. Chili had followed the band, now hopping onto the couch and making herself comfortable on Y/n’s lap. Ethan looked over at the reporter, brow raised. “You here to do the interview?”

“Oh you know it,” she winked. Y/n didn’t miss how her whole demeanour had changed and she couldn’t have been more annoyed. “Lovely to meet you all.”

She held out her hand to Ethan, the smirk never leaving her face, before greeting the others in a similar fashion. She held onto Damiano’s hand much longer than the others.

“Nice to meet you,” Damiano said, politely, sitting down as well.

“Oh, that’s no trouble at all,” she beamed at the singer. “Now, you’re here in Hamburg today, and in the part of town most notorious for having Europe’s largest red light district. Do you feel like that’s the perfect background for your gig tonight? You know, with the music you play and the way you dress - it’s not like you’ve been shy about sex in your career so far.”

They all chuckled slightly.

“Well, sexuality isn’t something to be ashamed about, at least we don’t think so. It’s part of everyday life and part of our own experiences so we put that into music,” Victoria eloquently explained. “And what we’ve seen of the city so far has been very beautiful.”

“Well, maybe I should give you a little tour then, show you the naughty parts of town,” she laughed. “Back on topic though, I imagine touring can be hard, being away from everyone. Do you ever get lonely on tour? For friends or… something else?”

Damiano coughed. “Sure, we get lonely, like anyone else would. But we make a family out of the crew. Everyone on our team is very close to us.” Y/n could clearly see in his eyes that he knew full well what the woman was hinting at. “We love touring, so when you love something, it doesn’t feel like work.”

Ethan nodded in agreement. Y/n could see through all of them easily - none of them wanted to be there.

“Yes, of course, touring can be difficult, but we have fun, so not that bad,” Thomas added.

Y/n didn’t miss the way the reporter briefly looked over her shoulder to muster a reaction from her. “Well I’m sure you’re easily able to find some fun away from your… crew. Lots of parties on tour so far?”

At that point, Y/n was ready to rip the reporter to shreds. But she knew she had to stay professional, and the band was more than able to hold their own, so she stayed quiet. Ethan next to her sat up a little, obviously uncomfortable.

“No, we don’t party. No time.” His vision went dark as he looked at the woman in front of them. As kind and mindful as he usually was, he didn’t shy down when it came to showing his scarier side when he needed to.

“Yeah. We sometimes go to a bar on a day off, but that’s about it. Work is more important,” Victoria threw in as she put an arm around Ethan on the back of the couch.

Y/n felt a wave of pride at the way the band was holding up. It was absolutely no secret to her that they were desperately waiting for this interview to end, annoyed with the reporter and the lines she kept trying to cross, but they stayed polite and professional. She thought that this was what made them real rockstars in that moment.

“Okay, one more question, then. You entered this business really young, you still are, yet you write quite mature music, how do you manage that?”

“We write what we want to write. Perform how we want to perform. I don’t think that has an age limit,” Damiano spoke curtly. His eyes flickered over to their assistant. Y/n was sure he didn’t miss the way she was staring daggers into the back of the reporter’s skull. “And music has always been a passion of ours. We just got lucky really early in life, I guess.”

“Well thank you very much for your time,” the reporter said, standing up, and once again reaching out her hand to say her goodbyes. “Hope to see you around…” As she came to Damiano, Y/n didn’t miss how she stuffed a little note in his hand. “...hopefully.”

“Can I go kick her face now?” Y/n stood up, seething, as soon as the reporter had left the room. “Sorry, no, that’s actually rude. But I’m going to call management and report that woman.”

“Yeah, that… wasn’t cool,” Ethan contemplated. “How about you make that call and then we take your mind off it with the dinner show you booked for us, yeah?”

Y/n took a deep breath, looking at Ethan, whose eyes had turned back to show nothing but kindness. She couldn’t wait to forget about this disaster for the rest of the evening and enjoy herself. With the band in tow, she was sure she would.

***

Damiano hadn’t been quite sure what to expect from dinner that evening - but it wasn’t a table smack in the middle of the first row right in front of the stage. He should have seen it coming, really. When Y/n planned and schemed, she always made sure to get them the best of the best. Determined to make sure everyone was having fun. She truly took care of them like no other.

A waiter was at their table in no time, taking orders for drinks and food, and the openers started before Damiano even had a chance to take a sip of his wine. As soon as it became obvious that the first act of the evening would be pole dancing. The rest of the band started snickering, nudging Damiano’s side. Still, they all watched in amazement as the dancer started their performance, music filling the room.

“You know, I could do that,” Damiano whispered in Y/n’s ear as he leaned in close. She looked over at him - at the performer - back to him.

“Sure you can,” she giggled.

“Oh I can,” Damiano insisted, leaning in closer than necessary now. “And in heels.”

Y/n couldn’t stop herself from coughing, choking ever so slightly on her drink, as her eyes widened and a slight shade of pink appeared on her face.

Damiano simply couldn’t help himself. He knew he had meant to back off, give her a little space, give himself some time to think, but the words simply slipped out. “I can always offer you a private show, you know?”

This time, she only paused for a moment before whispering back, “You teach me pole dancing, I’ll teach you rumba, yeah?”

Fuck, he hadn’t expected her to get the upper hand so quickly. Still, he never once lost his smirk, murmuring a “sure” back at her. She had gotten back her cool, focusing back on her meal now, only looking up to watch the performance every now and then in between bites. She was making it way too hard for him to back off. He wondered if she knew what she was doing to him.

Leaning back into his chair, Damiano watched the performer on stage. They were beautiful, no question about that. Amazing at what they did. It was impossible to keep your eyes off them, even Y/n kept getting distracted. He wondered if she’d look at him the same way if it was him up there. Or if he did a little show himself that night, on stage at their own gig. Catching her attention like the dancer was doing now. Maybe making her lose her mind a little bit. It was worth a try…

The performance was over much too quickly for his liking and only shortly after, the main dancer of the evening was announced to go on stage soon. It didn’t take long for the lights dimming, before fading to black completely. A hush falling over the crowd. A spotlight found a petite, blonde bombshell in the middle of the stage. Perfectly sculpted hair, blue boa feather skirt, a glitter corset that dripped with silver and gold accents. She seemed to be glistening under the stage light, body glitter accenting all the right curves and features. Then she turned around.

Damiano’s jaw dropped - along with just about everyone else’s. She was così bella, un angelo. She walked to the front of the stage as the crowd cheered and whistled. Damiano was enraptured by her. She was mystifyingly beautiful. Each move was carefully planned out, knowing exactly what she was doing and how to do it. She was feeding off the crowd, spurred on by the shouts and comments, as she moved across the stage.

Damiano’s eyes followed her closely. He felt hypnotised by her performance. He had never given burlesque much thought, but this show was changing his mind rapidly. The only thing to pull him out of his was a sigh - a disgruntled noise maybe - coming from his left. It was hard to make out Y/n’s face in the dark, he realised as he turned towards her. But if he’d learned anything about her body language in the past days, he was certain that she wasn’t happy. Her arms were crossed in front of her and she was leaned back in her chair in a way that tried to suggest she wasn’t bothered. But she was. He just couldn’t figure out why.

He was distracted when the dancer was back in front of their table, looking down at them from the stage. She sent all of them a wink, before pulling the elbow-length gloves off one by one and throwing them to the side with a smile. She mesmerised him, even as she moved away from them to give another table some attention. Yet, Y/n was playing at the back of his mind.

Why did she seem so mad? She was the one who had booked this dinner, why wasn’t she having fun? Was she still preoccupied with the reporter from before? Sure, that one had definitely stepped over lines, but he thought they’d all gotten out of there pretty unscathed. And the reporter's number had wandered into the bin immediately. He considered the matter closed.

The woman on stage slowly lowered herself into a split, causing pretty much the whole audience to lose their minds. This was too good. More cheers and applause from everywhere. Damiano heard Vic shouting vague words of encouragement as the woman lost her bra, only pasties covering her nipples now. Y/n let out a little groan and from the corner of his eye, he could see her rolling hers. This time, Damiano wasn’t the only one who noticed. He watched as Victoria and Ethan exchanged looks, then nods, and finally shrugs.

Finally the performance ended, the dancer leaving the stage with another wink and kiss blown towards them. Damiano wished it could’ve gone on for longer. These people knew how to turn sex into art, and he’d by lying if he said it didn’t inspire him.

“Okay, gather up, no time to waste,” Y/n order, getting up from her seat the second the lights were turned back on. “You have a show to play and I don’t want you to be late.”

Damiano threw another look around. Even Thomas, who had been too preoccupied drooling over the dancer to notice anything else, was now staring at Y/n questioningly.

“What’s going on with her?” The guitarist asked as they all gathered their stuff and followed their assistant outside.

“Fuck if I know,” Damiano mumbled. “But I wanna find out, sooner or later.”

***

It wasn’t like her to be jealous. She didn’t care much about what other people found enthralling. But Damiano had looked at the dancer as if she was god’s gift to humanity. Yes, she was pretty, yes, she knew how to shake her arse. Was it all that special? The dancer was petite, a perfect fit for Damiano’s arms. A perfect figure to match his. Y/n was confident, she knew she was beautiful, but unfortunately the rest of the world didn’t always think the same. Unlike the dancer on stage. That woman was more than beautiful… She was palatable, sexy, perfect in all the ways a woman should be. Qualities that Y/n was currently convinced she didn’t possess any of.

Okay, maybe she was jealous. But she didn’t have any right to be. The dancer was simply doing her job. And so what, if Damiano had fancied her? It wasn’t like they were together. She worked for him, that was all. She didn’t have any right to want anything from him beyond that.

The fresh air hit her face as she left the venue, forcing some clarity onto her. She’d have to get a grip and get back to focusing on her job. It’s what she was there for, after all.

***

Victoria bounced over the Y/n as she left the venue, full of adrenaline and happiness from the show she had just watched.

“That was amazing, Y/n! Where did you get the idea for this being today’s dinner?” She asked, hooking onto the assistant’s arm.

“Looked up places we could go online, found this one in a travel blog. Said it had amazing wine so I thought we could check it out,” she explained without looking up from her hands, which were toying with the receipt.

“Well, you sure do have impeccable taste,” Victoria grinned and kissed her cheek. It seemed to pull Y/n out of her head enough to look up at the bassist. But Vic’s smile vanished quickly when she saw the look in her eyes. It was cloudy, gloomy, enough to make Victoria freeze up. Thomas was excitedly chattering about the show in the performance in the background, how hot he thought the performers were, especially the last dancer. Damiano eagerly agreed. Y/n’s seemed to have a flash of venom on her face, and suddenly it clicked in Vic’s mind. Oh, she knew that look well, had carried it herself a couple of times in her life.. She was jealous. Y/n was jealous of the way they all - or maybe, someone in particular - had reacted to the woman on stage. And she was doing a bad job hiding it.

As soon as the car pulled up, everyone scrambled to get it. Y/n immediately started bouncing her leg, still a stormy look in her eyes. If it didn’t seem so serious, Victoria would be amused at the state their assistant was in. Yet, with the expression on her face right then and there, the bassist didn’t dare make a joke.

Damiano was sitting next to Y/n, and Victoria desperately tried to catch his eye. It took a slight kick against his shin to get him to look at her. She flickered eyes back and forth between Damiano and Y/n, motioning him towards the woman. Hoping he would understand. Luckily, they’d long gotten used to reading the other’s face, no need for a verbal conversation. Damiano looked down at Y/n’s hands, still picking at the receipt, and he quickly grabbed one of them. Interlacing their fingers and offering her a smile when she looked up. Her leg stopped bouncing immediately.

“You alright?” He whispered.

“Yeah. Am now.”

Victoria couldn’t bite back the smile on her face, quickly turning towards her phone to be less oblivious. Those two would do just fine, sooner or later, she was sure of it.

***

The concert venue was smaller than some of the others they’d been playing on this tour, but if anything, it had caused the crowd to be even more rowdy. Y/n once again sat to the side of the stage, engrossed in her phone. Damiano snuck a peek through the curtain, before retreating and watching Y/n instead. She didn’t seem half as gloomy as she did at the dinner show. But a certain forlorn quality was still obvious. She had never been this type of obviously sad or upset before. At least not to his attention. Well, he was determined to get her to laugh tonight. Whatever had ruined her mood, he was going to fix it.

The band was getting hyped up, gathering around, some last minute fixes to their instruments among excited chatter. Yet, apparently, it hadn’t been only him who noticed Y/n’s mood. Once again sharing a look with Ethan, Victoria motioned her head over to their assistant. He nodded, before walking over to Y/n, taking her by the hand to get her to stand up, and pressing a kiss to her cheek. Victoria quickly followed suit, then Thomas, who had caught on. Damiano quickly gave a wink before kissing her forehead instead.

“For luck!” He shouted, as he ran on stage, welcoming the crowd. A quick look back confirmed a bashful smile on her face.

Everyone was on fire that night, even Y/n seemed to let go of her bad mood more and more. Damiano didn’t miss the way she sang along to their cover of ‘Take Me Out’, obviously getting into the show more than previous nights. Knowing all the lyrics, dancing ever so slightly… Damiano realised he really had it bad for her.

He decided to go for it during “For your love”. With a pointed look towards her, he slowly started rolling off one arm of his jacket. Then the other. A little mock burlesque show of his own, dramatically shimmying his shoulders as he got rid of the jacket completely. The crowd more than appreciated his little performance, judging by their screams. The rest of the band was eating his energy up, playing harder, going crazier. As Damiano jogged over to grab some water, he didn’t miss the opportunity to turn his back towards Y/n, shaking his arse in a bad attempt at twerking. Turning back, he could see that she was desperately trying to bite back a smile. But he wasn’t done yet.

Making sure she was still looking at him, he began playing with his microphone. Giving it a teasing lick and sending her a wink at the same time. Watching her as he let his hand rest on his chest, slowly wandering lower with a teasing touch, until it rested in his lap. He only managed to keep it up for a second, before he couldn’t hold back the laugh at her expression anymore and turned back towards the audience.

But apparently, Y/n had some trick of her own. Well, it seemed like she wasn’t even aware of them, but they worked on Damiano all the same. She was taking her hair out of the pony tail for the night and he thought the way it cascaded around her face was beautiful. He felt like a movie cliche, watching as the main character let her hair down and everything suddenly happened in slow motion. Yet, here she was, trying to shove a bobby pin back into place, and he was losing his shit. He thought it was ridiculous though. The crazier her hair went, the crazier he went about her. She swayed to the music and for a second Damiano could swear time stood still.

I wonder if she likes her hair pulled… The thought distracted him to the point that he forgot what he was singing, quickly covering it up by animating the audience to sing it instead. He was glad to be nearing the end of the set. He’d never wish to go off stage, per se, but Y/n was once again occupying his thoughts and the way she was moving to the music now didn’t help.

Another song, another bow towards the audience, another well-practised “Danke!”, and they were off stage. Damiano briefly considered going over to Y/n, only to see Thomas basically chasing her away, threatening her with a sweaty hug. Her slightly panicked squeals proved she wasn’t a fan of the idea. He didn’t mind. He’d make sure there’d be more time to catch up with her later.

Briefly dropping into the dressing room, Damiano grabbed his cigarettes and a hoodie, before heading outside for a smoke. The backstage door led to a quieter alley than the famously busy Reeperbahn on the other end. But there were still more than a handful of people walking past, singing, dancing, shouting into the night, beer bottles in hand. It didn’t take long for everyone else to join him. Ethan headed outside first, bumming a cigarette off the singer, before Thomas and Victoria followed. They were once again involved in some sort of mock argument. Y/n stepped outside a minute later, phone in her hand, already back to work-mode and probably checking the plan for the next few days. Everyone was still on a high from the gig, chatting and giggling, but Damiano felt himself taking a step back. He loved watching his friends, loved what they did, loved that he got to do it with them. And now Y/n too, in a way. Not even a full week in and he knew that this tour wouldn’t have been the same without her.

He was rapidly pulled out of his thoughts as a group of men came towards them, obviously way past drunk. Yelling and hollering for no reason but to be annoying and get everyone’s attention. Damiano hated those kinds of drunks. In his experience they were nothing but trouble. He had half a mind to retreat back inside before they reached the group, but even in their inebriated stupor; they were quicker than expected.

“Now, who are these beautiful girls?” One of them slurred, stepping forward.

“Yeah! Bet you give a man a good time,” another one laughed loudly. “And a cheap one too.”

One of them was moving closer now, almost touching Victoria - but without even a moment to process what was happening, Y/n acted. Damiano watched, fascinated, as she grabbed the man’s extended hand, twisting it around his back and shoulder checking him into the brick wall of the alley. No second thought, no hesitation. Shouldn’t the men have been the one to react and take care of their girls? Well, it didn’t seem like Y/n was one to wait to be saved.

In a tone that he had never heard before - and neither had the rest of the band judging by their reactions - Y/n spoke, “You couldn’t afford me, mate. Or my friends. So I’d take your piss drunk self elsewhere, m’kay?”

The men were gone faster than lightning, stumbling to find their footing as they ran, only starting to comment on how she was a “fat fucking bitch” and how they “wouldn’t have wanted her anyway” when they were far enough away. Y/n wordlessly rejoined the group.

Damiano found himself releasing a breath. The whole scene had been over so quickly, he barely registered it. He wasn’t the only one either, he realised. As the other three kept staring at her, amazed and maybe slightly intimidated, while Y/n didn’t even react.

However, Damiano wasn’t just mesmerised by her behaviour. He was thrilled by her - in more ways than one. The way she had handled herself was downright hot. She was fierce, self-confident, and strong. He couldn’t keep himself from contemplating whether this was a side she would let out in the bedroom as well. Was she the type to take control? Order him around? Push him to a wall like she’d done that guy, only with very different intentions? He would be 100% okay with taking orders from her, he decided.

Y/n finally looked up from her phone, apparently feeling everyone’s stares on her.

“...What. I told you I worked security before.” She looked at Victoria, quietly asking her if she was alright. She simply nodded. Damiano still couldn’t keep his eyes off of their assistant. Damn, that woman had more to herself than she let on.

***

Damiano was still thinking about it an hour later. After everyone had gathered their stuff and gotten back to the hotel and split up into their rooms. After he’d gotten in the shower. His mind was still running wild. He quickly turned the water to cold, letting out a hiss at the change in temperature, but he knew he didn’t have the time or the privacy to do anything about his thoughts. Neither would he be knocking on Y/n’s door, desperate for some kind of attention.

Not tonight.

#maneskin fiction #damiano david imagine #damiano david x you #damiano david x reader #damiano david fiction #maneskin imagine #maneskin x you #maneskin x reader #quiet music #bethanysnow #mywriting

276 notes · View notes

animatedarchives · 4 years

Text

S/O GETS INJURED WHILE FIGHTING

— 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐈 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐎, 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐆𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈, 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐈, 𝐊𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐎 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐈

author’s note: HELLO DARLING!! yes, of course you can! i’m sorry it took so long but i hope you enjoy it :) siDE nOTE i’m so exCitEd because you are my first anon aHHH i love you so much thanks for requesting T^T <3 also sorry for making bakugo’s one so angsty LOL

Todoroki Shoto

You had just finished off the last of the villains on your side when your legs buckled and you collapsed with exhaustion

“Y/N!” Todoroki’s voice echoed from down the street

He used his ice quirk to get to you in the blink of an eye and immediately knelt by your side, completely forgetting about the villains he was fighting

“Are you hurt?” he asked, grabbing your arms with his large hands, gripping you so tightly with worry that the blood flow to your arms got cut off

“I’m fine,” you coughed weakly. “Just… tired…” you forced out

But it was obvious you were lying by the way you were practically gasping for air

Your eyes shifted to the approaching villains as they closed in on you two

Not even bothering to stand, Todoroki twisted his torso and hit them with a blast of fire

His face was stoic but fury burned ferociously in his eyes, insistent on not letting them get anywhere near you

The villains crumpled to the ground, unconscious and you smiled up at your boyfriend proudly, forever impressed by his prowess

He turned back to you, anger now replaced with concern as he gave you his full attention

“Can you stand?” he asked, worry etched into every part of his face

You nodded and grimaced as you tried to get up with his help

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through your ribs and you doubled over, grabbing your side

“You’re hurt,” he said, carefully laying you down on the ground, his left arm holding your body close to his

He gently pried your shaky fingers away from your ribs and replaced them with his right hand

You winced before letting out a sigh of relief, a cooling sensation spreading over your exposed ribs and numbing the pain

You stayed like that for a while; eyes closed as you focused on the feeling of Todoroki’s cool skin against yours

After you felt good enough to stand, Todoroki pulled your arms over his shoulders and piggy-backed you to the nearest hospital, where you stayed the night

The next morning, you woke up to a messy mop of red and white hair fast asleep at the edge of your hospital bed

He stirred as you ran your hand through his soft hair, his eyes tired from watching over you all night

When he realised you were awake and doing okay, he pulled you into his arms

“I’m so glad you’re safe,” he said, relief washing over him

“Don’t ever scare me like that again,” he whispered shakily as he embraced you tighter

Bakugo Katsuki

You gasped for air as a red flower bloomed under your costume from the deep gash in your side

“Weakling,” the villain spat, kicking you harshly in the stomach

A little blood escaped from your mouth as you coughed painfully

He raised his weapon, blade glinting menacingly in the moonlight as he prepared for the final blow

Just when you thought this might be your end, you heard your boyfriend’s voice ringing in your ears

“Y/NNNNN!!!!!”

You watched helplessly as Bakugo blasted the villain into oblivion, showing him the same amount of mercy you received - none

“DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH HER AGAIN! DIE YOU PIECE OF SCUM!” he screamed between blasts of his quirk

He attacked violently, blinded by rage and the will to protect you

He disposed of the villain quicker than he ever had before and rushed over to you, leaving your attacker groaning in pain on the concrete floor

Bakugo crouched down and held your limp body in his arms, his eyes swirling with so many emotions: anger, concern and fear

“Why did you fight him?! You know you’re not strong enough to handle villains like that yet!” he raised his voice, unable to mask how truly worried he was

Although his words stung, you knew he was right

But you couldn’t help it

“If I didn’t distract him… He would have gone after you… Idiot…” you said through laboured breaths

His eyes widened in realisation; you were trying to protect him

He couldn’t help but feel guilty as he looked at the condition you were in, scolding himself for failing to keep you safe

“It’s not your fault, Katsuki,” you reached up and caressed his face gently. “I was careless.”

He leaned into your touch, a thin film forming over his eyes

“Don’t do anything stupid like that again,” he choked out

You nodded weakly as he wrapped his arms protectively around you

Shinso Hitoshi

Your hand went up to your temple, massaging it in an attempt to reduce the incessant pounding in your skull

You and Shinso had fought long and hard, side-by-side, and were eventually able to successfully apprehend the villains

Now you were waiting for the police to show up and take them away before you called it a night

As you removed your hand from your head, you stared in shock at your fingers now coated with slick red liquid

“Man, feels great for people to finally recognise me as the good guy despite my quirk,” Shinso sighed contentedly

He smirked devilishly at the villain that lay tied up on the floor before striding back towards you

“I think we did a pretty good job, huh ba-” his smile instantly vanished as he watched the thick liquid run down the side of your face

He hadn’t noticed it before, having been so concentrated on winning the chaotic fight

“I’m fine, Toshi,” you tried to reassure him as he examined your face closely

Your words proved void as you winced when he touched your face

You knew you had made a mistake

“Toshi, wait-” you called, but he wasn’t listening

His eyes darkened as he slowly approached the culprit

“Did you do this? Did you hurt her?” his voice low and dangerous

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!” the villain pleaded, trying to scramble away

Having answered his question, Shinso activated his quirk, eyes full of intent to hurt

“How dare you lay a finger on my precious Y/N,” he growled. “I’m going to make you pay.”

“Hitoshi, stop! You’re not the bad guy, remember? Don’t do it, you’re better than that! You’re better than him!” you shouted, trying to ignore the burning pain as you implored him to reconsider

He inhaled deeply, glaring daggers at the villain before deactivating his quirk

“Today must be your lucky day,” he said, face showing no emotion but venom potent in his voice

Shinso walked back and embraced you protectively as the police arrived

“Thank you,” he sighed, kissing the top of your head as he gently pressed the ice pack he retrieved from the officers to your temple

“I promise to always be the good guy, to protect you from the evils of this world,” he vowed

Keigo Takami

You and Keigo made such a perfect team, complementing each other in every way possible - even in fighting

Just as you were finishing off the last villain on your side, someone punched you from behind, sending you flying into a brick wall

The impact knocked the wind out of you and you collapsed on the cold hard ground

“Y/N!” Keigo cried

Golden orbs ablaze, he fought off the remaining villains with new found strength

One of them sneaked out of his line of sight, determined to finish you off

But Keigo noticed and flew over at the speed of light, kicking him square in the chest

He stood defensively between you and the remaining villains, wings spread out as a protective barrier to shield you from their attacks

You tried to get up, not wanting him to fight alone, but the pain was too intense and your body refused to cooperate

However, your efforts proved unnecessary as Keigo finished off the last one with a bone-crushing punch

No longer in the presence of danger, your muscles relaxed and your body slumped down onto the ground

“Y/N! Are you okay?!” he asked as he knelt beside you, panting from exhaustion

You nodded stiffly, body still weak

He scooped you up in his strong, capable arms and stood up, carrying you bridal style

He held you so closely to his chest that you could hear his rapid heartbeat

“Hold on tight, dear,” he said

He waited for your hand to clench around his jacket before taking off to the skies, flying you to the nearest medical centre

The wind tousled his blonde locks as he glanced down at you worriedly, making sure you were okay

You closed your eyes and inhaled his comforting scent, smiling softly as you rested in his arms

3K notes · View notes