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#I wouldn’t say he’s a Good Person. I’m just saying he’s a Person.
mediumgayitalian · 2 days
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———
She brushes another kiss to his hidden face and settles against the car door, holding him. She thinks for a moment and decides on something old, a tune she heard on the radio once upon a time and never heard again; she’s warped it, now, no doubt about it, humming it from memory so long it’s changed to whatever she has made it. But Will recognises it from years of lullabies, picking up on the swooping baritones and mumbling the words into her shoulder.
“You know, that Han Solo shrine up in your room makes a lot more sense, now that I think about it.”
The melody dies in his throat.
“Mama.”
“I’m just saying.” She bites back a smirk, swatting away his smacking hands. “There was a point in time I thought it was admiration, you know, but you have a lot of posters of that open vest —”
“Mama!”
She acquiesces, this time, never having seen his poor face so scarlet, trying and failing to keep her laughter to herself. The tear tracks have long since dried and his breathing is steady, now, gangly limbs tucked into her ribs and hanging off the bend of her thigh. Flopped all over her like he used to to when he was young and she was still touring, when the world was too loud and too bright and too mean and she hid him from the sun. Her hands in his hair are to touch instead of soothe.
“Who’s the boy?”
“No.”
“C’mon, babydoll.” She pokes at his ribs, grinning widely when he rolls his eyes to hide his smile. “Tell me.”
“It’s nobody, Ma, gods.”
“Yeah, right. Not like you were comparing having a crush to killing someone in cold blood twenty minutes ago. Clearly it’s somebody.”
He, very pointedly, doesn’t answer.
Unfortunately, he forgets that he gets his stubborn from her.
“Hm. Can’t be anyone I haven’t heard of in a few weeks, or else it wouldn’t be bothering you. What names have you mentioned?”
He looks at her in horror. “You wouldn’t.”
Absolutely, she would. Her smile widens.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess it ain’t Chiron, ‘cause then I’d have questions —”
“Oh my gods! Stop!”
“— an’ I doubt it’s that security fellow, with the eyes, although if it is no judgement —”
“I’m throwing myself out of this car! Right now! I’m gonna lay on the road ‘til someone hits me!”
“— Lord, you don’t mention many names. You’re a recluse, baby. You gotta make more than two friends.”
She stills. Will, perhaps guessing where she is going, makes a noise of deep, personal agony.
“Oh my stars, is it Cecil?”
“Ew, Ma!”
He strains against her hold but she tightens, hooking her elbow around his shoulders and flexing her other hand, pretending to examine her nails.
“It is, isn’t it? I mean, he is a very handsome young man. And he has a good heart, too, despite the — how to put it — distaste for the law —”
“I just threw up in my mouth! Right now! Stop it!”
“I should probably stop letting him stay in your room when he stays over, huh, that one’s on me —”
He wrenches himself away from her, finally, clambering over the seats and gagging like the mere idea makes him nauseous.
“Ew! Ew! I do not have a thing for Cecil, oh my gods, I might as well marry my cousin! Augh! I’m gonna throw up for real! Why would you even say that, oh my —”
“Alright, alright!” she laughs, kicking his rapidly repeating shoulder. “Holy Jesus, you are dramatic. I should call up camp and tell him you’re out here retchin’ at the mere thought.”
“Good,” Will says darkly, voice muffled from how deeply his head is buried in his hands, “make sure to also tell him he is a weasel.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And that I am going to deface his vintage Hot Wheels collection.”
“Y’all have a strange friendship.”
“He’s not my friend, I am stuck with him via circumstance and because he refuses to leave me alone.”
She holds up her hands in surrender, refraining from pointing out the friendship bracelet he is currently wearing with a CM on it and that has not left his wrist in four years.
“Alright, alright. Not Cecil.”
He scoffs in agreement, ignoring her rolled eyes.
She wracks her brain for other boys he’s brought up in their phone calls, aside from people in passing. Mostly he mentions patients, really, answering her endless inquiries — it will never stop astounding her that he baby can practically sew heads back on bodies; she tells people he’s in med school and preens at their wide, impressed eyes — but there are other people he mentions, in between that and the pranks he’s frequently pulling with his friends.
“There was that boy you were so excited to keep around. Nick?”
“His name is Nico,” he corrects, and then immediately goes scarlet. “I — I mean, I have a friend, named Nico, not that —”
Her grin gets sharp as nails.
“He is — unwell! He’s travelled a lot, he needs monitoring so I am — monitoring him, you know, out of concern for his safety —”
“Nico and Wi-ill, sitting in a tree —”
“Oh my gods are you five —”
“You are steaming! I can actually feel the heat pouring off of you right now! You love him, you want to kiss him, you —”
“I am never telling you anything again in my entire life!” he hollers. “Never! Next time I think I should tell you something I’m just gonna — swallow glass!”
She snickers. “Drama queen.”
He sticks out his tongue as she situates herself back in her own seat, turning the keys in the engine. His puts his dirty converse on the dash despite her grouching, reaching over to fight her for control of the radio, flapping his hand excitedly when she lets him win and something bright and overdone starts playing. His bandage stays where it is, tied loosely around his wrist.
“I’m glad you told me, you know.”
He smiles, small and genuine, leaning into the palm she cups around his cheek. The dimple in the centre of his right cheek is back, the scrunch of his freckled nose. She presses a lingering kiss smack dab in the centre of his forehead and he leans into it, trusting.
“I know.”
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dazednmatthews · 2 days
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could you write stressed college gf headcanons for chris too 👉👈 matt's are so damn cute
chris x stressed college!gf headcanons:
-something about chris you’ve noticed since you’ve been together is that he has a habit of feeding off peoples energies, but possibly in the worst way
-so when finals come around and you’re an anxious, stressed mess, so is he
-and because of that, he’s constantly looking up the material you have to study and telling you random facts about it in hopes that it helps in anyway
-“hey babe,” he says while you sit as his computer desk, highlighting things in your notes. “yeah?” you say, not tearing your gaze away from your notebook. “did you know that 95% of the ocean is still unexplored?” you do glance at him that time, eyebrows furrowed. “yes i did. why do you mention it?” “well i’ve just been reading about marine science for a couple hours and that’s just fucking insane to me”
-it never really adds anything to your review, but it makes you smile regardless at how hard he’s trying
-his support is absolutely unwavering, so as soon as you start to doubt yourself or talk down to yourself, he’s there to put a full stop to that shit
-“i’m never gonna fucking pass,” you flop back in his bed, blowing a frustrated breath out. “i can’t remember any of this shit and it won’t matter how long i spent studying because i’m gonna get in the exam room and absolutely choke-”
-“stop talking about yourself like that.” he’d cut you off. “you’ve been working nonstop to pass this test and you’re like the smart person i’ve ever met. i don’t wanna hear any of that. the more you say it, the more you’ll believe it and it’s just not fucking true. understood?”
-it makes your heart do backflips
-i think he’d be the type to pack you a big of snacks or a meal for days he knows you’re gonna be in the library all day studying
-you’d come up to the living room with your bag slung over your shoulder and your hair still wet from the shower and place a kiss on his cheek as you leave. “i’m going to study, baby. i’ll probably be back late.”
-“thats fine, ma. don’t stress yourself out too much.” he’d pause the show he was watching and turn in his seat on the couch slightly. “i made you some food to take with you. make sure you eat it, i worked hard on that.”
-“chris, this is so sweet. you’d didn’t have to do this.”
-he’d give you a strange look. “why wouldn’t i? i need my girl to be taken care of. plus i knew you would ignore me if i told you to eat. shit is so annoying.” he’d roll his eyes while you shrug.
-“oh fuck off. sometimes i just forget.”
-he would also help you study, using all the guides you’ve done. he’s soooo the type of bf to give a kiss for every right answer too. it keeps you motivated and keeps him happy. kissing you is his favorite thing to do after all.
-when you would get so stressed and anxious about failing you would cry, his heart would actually break
-you would be on like hour six straight with no breaks and he would close your books, starting to put everything away
-“chris, what the fuck are you doing! i have so much more to do.”
-“no. you’re driving yourself crazy and it’s not good for you. you’re done for tonight. i’m gonna run you a bath and then we’ll watch a movie.”
-you’d pretend to be mad but actually be so grateful he could see you were close to breaking down. to be loved is to be known
-chris goes with you in the morning and waits for you in the car while you take your test
-he’s waiting for you outside on the hood of your car when you come out, wringing his hands nervously to hear how you did
-when he sees the sad look on your face he instantly goes to grab you and make you feel better
-but when you told him that you passed w flying colors he is so proud of you he nearly cried.
-“yes! that’s my girl! i knew you could do it, baby. my girlfriend, the scholar.” and he’s peppering kisses all over your face while hugging you tightly
-you soak in the moment with a warm heart because you have the best boyfriend in the world and it baffles you just how much he believes in you. you are so in love with him
-and he loves you exactly the same
TAGS:
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Chicken
John Egan X Farmer! Reader
Summary: When Meatball kills the farmer's chicken. Bucky flies to the rescue.
Warning: Animal death/ swearing/ mention of boobs/ use of Y/n/ mention of blood.
Word count: 1.2k
A/n: I'm alive y'all! And my brain functioned again!
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When John Egan came to Thorpe Abbotts, he was aware of the people that already lived there. He knew they were here, but he didn’t know them personally. When he saw her riding her horse, he knew he had to introduce himself. But he didn’t have the courage to go talk to her, she looked so intimidating, riding her horse and handling the goats.
Y/n lived on her family’s farm, but her family was away, they were in Austria, the farm was their summer house, but they wanted Y/n to keep it clean and work there. Usually, she would’ve been back in Austria, but with the war, it wasn’t safe to travel. Her chores were simple, making sure the goats didn’t run away, getting the eggs from the chicken coop and keeping the stables clean. It was easy, especially since she got her horse, Fred. He was a mustang, a beast that she had trouble training, but she kept persevering and was able to ride him. She was riding Fred everywhere; she loved her horse.
‘’Cleven! Good morning’’ she greeted the blonde. They quickly became friends when he came on the base, he went to introduce himself to the people living on the base, already saying he was sorry for the future disturbance that the soldiers were going to cause. When Gale saw Y/n, he thought she was amazing and they talked for hours, quickly becoming friends. They would trade stuff together, for example, if Y/n wanted a bottle of whiskey, she would give Gale a dozen eggs. ‘’Morning Y/n! How are you?’’ he asked. ‘’Good, just counting the chickens’’ she stopped when she heard a dog barking. ‘’Why do you have a dog here?’’ she asked, stepping in front of the chickens. ‘’Brady got him, I’ll make sure he doesn’t come near the coop’’ he reassured her. ‘’He better, because if he eats any of my chickens…’’ she threatened. Meatball came running towards Buck. ‘’He’s cute, but I meant what I said’’ she looked at the dog, smiling. ‘’I’ll make sure of it’’ he smiled.
John Egan heard a horse neigh; he knew that Y/n was close. And he was right, her (Y/h/c) hair were flying in the wind, she had a cowboy hat on her head. A white tank top that made her boobs look 5 times bigger and jeans that made her legs look amazing. She was beautiful. ‘’Y/n, what’s wrong?’’ Gale asked. She got down her horse, patting him before looking at the boys. ‘’I can’t come here and say hello?’’ she smiled as she looked at Bucky. ‘’Technically, you’re on a private property’’ Murph said. She scoffed. ‘’Technically, you guys invaded our property’’ she replied. ‘’Touché’’ Murph laughed. ‘’Nice ride’’ John Egan said, looking at the horse. ‘’Thanks, that’s Fred.’’ She replied. ‘’Um, do you guys have a minute to spare? We need help moving the hay’’ she asked. ‘’Sure, we can help’’ Bucky quickly replied.
‘’Be careful with that Jeep, don’t run over my animals’’ she smiled at Bucky, before she climbed up her horse. ‘’Wanna race?’’ Bucky proposed. She gave him a challenging smile, Fred was a fast horse, he was originally supposed to be a racehorse, but Y/n bought him at the town auction. ‘’Sure, but don’t cry if you lose’’ she smiled. When Fred started to run, Bucky knew he’d already lost, he didn’t want to go too fast, in case of a loose animal. She looked like a goddess, riding that horse. He thought about her riding him for a second, but his thoughts quickly faded when he heard Meatball bark, his mouth was all bloody and he had feathers on him.
‘’Calm down! It’s only 3 chickens!’’ Gale Cleven tried to calm her down, but she was ready to skin the dog alive, Bucky was holding her so she wouldn’t kill the dog. ‘’IT’S LESS EGGS! LET ME GO! I’m going to kill that dog’’ she tried to get away, but Bucky’s grip was too hard on her waist. Meatball didn’t have any regret; he was looking around like his life wasn’t on the line. John Brady, the owner, arrived at the scene in a Jeep, with Harry Crosby and Rosie Rosenthal. The 3 bodies were lying on the ground, headless. Y/n took deep breaths and calmed down a little. ‘’What’s going on?’’ Brady asked. ‘’You’re the owner?’’ she asked, angrily. Brady nodded. ‘’Your stupid dog ate 3 of my chickens!’’ she spat, showing the corpse with her hand. Brady swallowed a nervous laugh. ‘’I told you to watch him and I’m leaving the farm for an hour, I come back, and Dave, Danny and Darrel are dead!’’ she said, looking at her chickens. Bucky had to refrain a laugh at the names of the deceased animals. ‘’I’m sorry miss, I don’t know what else to say’’ Brady explained, scratching the back of his head. She took a deep breath, realizing how crazy she looked. She touched Bucky’s hand, to show him that he could let go. She replaced her hair as she sighed. ‘’I’m sorry, I kinda overreacted. You guys can go, I’ll, uh, clean up. Sorry for the disturbance.’’ She said, with an embarrassed tone.
He felt bad for her, sure it was only 3 chickens, but still. So, that night, he decided to find the courage and go talk to her for more than four words. He rode his Jeep to her house; he nervously taped the wheel with his thumb as he shut the engine down. Seeing lights outside, Y/n got out of the house, standing on her porch, seeing it was a soldier, she wiped her hands on her pants before going down the short stairs. ‘’Major Egan, to what do I owe this visit?’’ she asked, trying to hide her joy. She found him attractive, he was a gentleman during the day and a manwhore during the night, or at least that was his reputation. ‘’Hello, please call me Bucky, and I’m here to pay you back’’ he smiled. She tilted her head. ‘’Pay me back? You owe me money?’’ she questioned. He shook his head, chuckling. ‘’No, it’s for the deceased chickens’’ he explained.
Y/n fought the urge to smirk. ‘’You want to pay me for the chickens I lost?’’ she asked. ‘’Yeah, I mean you said it yourself, it’s less eggs’’ he blurted out. Now she couldn’t fight it anymore, a smile creeped on her face as she looked at the flustered Bucky. ‘’Come inside’’ she invited. He nodded as they waled inside the small home. The smell of burnt candle filling his nose as he looked around the kitchen. ‘’Does Brady know you’re doing this?’’ she asked as they sat in the kitchen. ‘’No, it’s my idea’’ he looked on the ground, not daring to look at her in the eyes. ‘’That’s very sweet, Bucky, but I can’t accept this, you must have family that this money belongs too, what about Mrs. Egan. It’s very thoughtful but keep it’’ she politely said. He started to laugh at the mention of a Mrs. Egan. ‘’There’s no Mrs. Egan, never set that part right, and my family doesn’t need the money. Please, Y/n, take it’’ this time, their eyes were locked into each other.
‘’You know, I didn’t think you would be the one offering me money. I thought Cleven would do it’’ she said, taking a sip of her homemade alcohol. It’s been an hour since Bucky came into her home they’ve been talking ever since. ‘’He felt bad, but he has to keep it for the phones, his girlfriend wants to hear from him twice a week’’ he chucked. She smiled as she looked at him. ‘’It’s getting late, I should get back to the base’’ he said as he looked at his watch. She got an idea. ‘’Are you free for dinner tomorrow?’’ she blurted out. He looked at her, smiling. ‘’Uh, yes, why?’’ he asked. ‘’Because I enjoy your company. And I have some extra money to buy good meat.’’ She smiled. ‘’Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, then.’’ He leaned to kiss the top of her hand. ‘’Good night, Y/n’’ he said. ‘’Good night, Bucky, see you tomorrow’’
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geeks-universe · 3 days
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The Fallen pt. 4
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
Cooper Howard x F!Angel!Reader
A/N: This contains smut.
Cooper was angry.
No, he’d been angry when the shit-for-brains had the audacity to look at you like he was stripping your body bare with his eyes.
Now, he was furious.
Rage was an easy emotion, a comfortable one. For years it’d been his only companion, and slipping back into its familiar embrace felt almost natural to him.
Lucy had been too preoccupied with saying goodbye to her lover boy to see the carefully lidded fury, a snake in the grass ready to strike.
You’d noticed though.
Of course you noticed, just like you did every other damn thought that crossed his mind. Maybe you’d noticed the hundred different ways he’d imagined popping that weasel’s head off, of making you pay for the tiniest bit of himself he couldn’t let die.
When you’d proclaimed a shelter for the night- a sad little shack with three walls- Lucy had wandered off with some lame excuse of looking for supplies, the dog trotting happily along with her. Or maybe it was checking the perimeter. He didn’t care, hoped she died, really.
You set a lantern on the ground between the two of you, laying out your pack to get comfortable on the floor. Cooper didn’t bother, couldn’t sit down while the fire burned through his veins. It roared through every inch of his body, consuming him with a vexation he hadn’t felt in a long time.
That fucking roach should’ve lost his hands for touching you, for thinking himself deserving of your silky skin.
“You should rest.”
He barked a laugh- a harsh, aggravated noise wrangled from his chest.
“Ain’t as delicate as you.”
It was meant to be an insult, and fuck didn’t that just piss him off that you let it slide right off you. Unbothered, the same way you’d been the day he first met you.
The same way you’d been when that rat had scurried to you, vying for your attention.
“Coop-“
“So now you want to speak to me?” He straightened his back, standing to his full height as he glared down at your sitting figure.
It was an intimidation tactic, and he knew you well enough to know that it wouldn’t have the effect he was hoping, but it would make you privy to his frustrations.
“Seems like I’m a great choice when I’m the only one.”
Confusion furrowed your brows, quickly replaced by understanding. You let out a low sigh, eyes tracing Cooper’s figure in the dim light.
He didn’t like that you could be so calm, that you didn’t feel his wrath.
“You’re jealous.”
He snarled, angry at the insinuation- even more so that it was correct. It wasn’t just jealousy though.
You were his.
He hadn’t had something worth holding onto in a long damn time, and nobody would take what was his.
“If I was jealous everytime you opened those pretty legs for someone else, I’d never get any rest.”
Your eyes flashed- hurt, followed quickly by anger.
Good.
He wanted you angry.
Wanted you to feel the inferno in your chest, the way he did- to let it consume you in a blaze of abandon, come undone at the seams and show the person beneath.
“We’re not doing this,” you stated bluntly, still holding onto the last bit of restraint.
That wouldn’t do.
He wanted you unraveled, raw.
“Runnin’ won’t change a damn thing.”
Your hands pressed into your knees, a quick outlet of irritation before you stood up. Your eyes were still burning, but it wasn’t enough. You still had too much control.
“You’re such an ass.”
The smirk he flashed was cruel.
“‘M honest,” he argued, “and doesn’t that just piss you off?”
Your chest expanded with a deep breath, eyes unfocused as you talked yourself down. He was so close, you just needed a little push.
“Poor little dove, just wants to run away from her problems like she did her family.”
Bingo.
Faster than a blink, you were in his face, your teeth bared as you raised a fist. He took the opportunity, watching your rage swelter as he grabbed hold of your wrist and twisted it behind you.
Fuck if your rage wasn’t the most intoxicating thing- the rise and fall of your chest hypnotic, the bare of your teeth captivating. You growled, an angry, ominous noise that went straight to his cock.
Your back was pressed against his front, moving with the rhythm of your erratic breathing, teasing friction exactly where he wanted you. His fingers pressed into your wrist harder, his mouth dangerously close to your ear. You weren’t fighting his hold- waiting, listening.
“Maybe that’s why your daddy left you too.”
Your eyes seemed to glow with an inner fire as you tried to pull your hand from him. He held fast though, put every ounce of his strength into restraining you. You lashed out like a wild animal, movements irrational and erratic. Finally, when it was clear you wouldn’t get free, you spit at him.
“Fuck you.”
It was the most vulgar he’d ever heard you, his wrath mixing with desire. Warmth seeped into his cheek where your spit had landed, and in a quick kick of his legs, he dropped you to your knees hard.
And wasn’t that a damn sight.
“If that sweet mouth wants to be filthy so bad, why don’t we put it to good use.”
He talked slow, controlled, as he grabbed your hair, pulling your head back. Wild eyes traced the arch of your back, the smooth column of your exposed neck.
He wanted to take a bite.
Your eyes were burning into his, an anger he’d never seen before from you shining through. You looked like you hated him, like you’d burn him on the spot.
“Now, sweetheart, try not to use your teeth.”
He clicked open his belt buckle, positioning himself just enough to free his hardened length. He’d dreamt of this moment, had pleasured himself to the thought of you more than he could count. The realization that it was coming to fruition had him so hard it fucking hurt. He took pride at the hunger in your gaze, your mouth still twisted in a scowl.
“Don’t act all innocent now.”
Almost as if it were a challenge, spurred on by your temper, your hot mouth took his entire length in one quick movement and-
Holy fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
You were impossibly warm, your tongue sliding the length of his cock while your eyes, the ones he’d spent so long admiring, stared into his own. You held his gaze, refused to look away as you hollowed your cheeks, daring him to keep going.
He didn’t disappoint, wrapping his hand around your hair just like he’d done with his lasso. Sturdy hands forced you to take him to the base of his cock, before pulling back out. He thrusted back in hard, unconcerned with the tears that gathered in your eyes as he slammed into your throat.
You were defiant in the way you took him, forcing a harsher pace than the one he’d set.
This had to have been heaven. Nothing on Earth could possibly feel this fucking good. His thrusts were feral, unrelenting, and you were meeting them with ferocity, your pretty lips wrapped so perfectly around his cock.
“Takin’ me so good,” he groaned, his abdomen spasming. The sound of your gags filled the air, tearing through any restraint he might’ve had.
It’d been a while since he’d felt any sort of pleasure, even longer since it’d been anything more than a quick fuck.
This, though…
This was a whole different beast.
Fuck.
He wiped at the saliva coating his cheek, staring into your eyes as he slid his fingers into his mouth, tasting your sweetness.
You moaned, and he was sure this had to be a dream.
Reality had never been this nice.
“My filthy girl.”
Another moan, and this one almost dropped him to his knees. Pleasure tingled up his spine, down to the tips of his fingers and the bottom of his toes. His body was practically vibrating, begging him for release.
He didn’t want it yet, wanted this moment to last an eternity. His cock was pounding into your mouth, your fingernails digging into his thighs- sweet pain mixed with hot pleasure.
Please, his body sung, begging for a release he desperately fought against.
His pace was brutal, chasing the high he both wanted more than anything, and wished would never come.
It wasn’t enough.
This wasn’t enough.
He needed more.
Needed all of you.
“You are mine.”
He emphasized on a growl, savoring the taste of you that still lingered on his tongue.
He was desperate for more, for every damn piece of yourself you’d give him. It’d never be enough, not enough time in the universe to get the fill of you he wanted- needed.
He was close now, only holding on by sheer will, and all it took was a tilt of your head and a long, low moan of what he only prayed was his name around his length.
Like a band, his restraint snapped, his hips surging forward as he grunted your name.
Fuck.
Fuck, his body was singing.
Fuck. Curses, unbidden, were falling from his lips. Pleas, praises, worships- fuck it all he couldn’t even tell anymore, blinded by the feel of your mouth.
It was hot, so hot, and you swallowed every drop he gave you, his sensitive cock was twitching, his knees trembling with the effort to stay on his feet.
You kept going though, pulling your lips back just far enough to lick his length clean, your eyes still so full of fire, the same fire racing through his body.
It was so much, too much almost, and yet he gave into the torturous pleasure, desperate for you, for whatever you’d give him.
His hat had fallen off his head when he threw it back, his legs shaking as you finally pulled away- and despite the overstimulation, his body still chased your mouth, not ready to feel the empty, consuming void left in your wake.
A breath.
A moment to consider what he’d done, what he’d said to you. It wasn’t anger in your eyes- not regret, either. He couldn't read it, couldn't grasp what you were feeling.
His heart pounded against his chest, exhausted arms releasing your hair as he slowly, cautiously, raised his fingers to your cheeks. Tears had fallen from how far he’d thrust himself into you. He wiped them away, let them press into the fabric of his gloves, as the air grew thick.
It was a soft moment, a gentle one, and he didn’t want to be the first to pull away.
So you did.
You got your feet and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, your jaw flexing as you looked like you hadn’t just sucked him fucking dry.
He tucked himself back in his pants and secured his belt, waiting for you to speak. It was a tense moment, drawn longer by the way you wet your lips, like you wanted to talk but couldn’t quite form the words.
“Oh, fudge, are you two okay?”
His finger itched with the desire to end the vaultie for interrupting this, for causing you to cast a worried glance in her direction before your damn walls were thrown back up. Whatever you’d been about to say, you definitely wouldn’t now.
“Just peachy,” you smiled, one that screamed inauthenticity as you took a step to face away from Lucy.
“Think I need some air though, I’ll be back in a bit.”
It was a dismissal if he ever heard one, and the vault dweller had the good sense not to try and follow.
“Your hat’s on the ground, there.”
She went to pick it up for him, but he swooped down before she had the chance and deposited it on his head. On a good day he didn’t have the patience for her, but right now he was feeling downright venomous.
“So-“
“Leave it.”
His words were final, tone brokering no argument. That was the only bit of grace he’d give her- one more word and his reply would be a bullet. She understood, could see the tension in his stance and gave him the space he desired.
But it wasn’t space he wanted.
It was you.
It was your voice, so gentle and melodic.
It was your touch, sweet and resolute- full of heat, of passion, of something that resembled life.
Instead, he got the cold, hard ground and a head full of vicious thoughts. Why did you plague his thoughts the way you did? Why did you make him feel so fucking human?
He didn’t want to.
Didn’t want that, any of it.
Not the fucking feelings, not the guilt, not the stupid fucking spark of hope in his cold, dead heart.
Let Cooper Howard die.
But it wasn’t that simple.
All of the anger in the world couldn’t turn his affection for you to hatred. It was a stubborn thing, and a solid one. No amount of pressure could bend it. He’d just learned to live with it- a deficiency he’d carry for the rest of his miserable time on Earth.
He fell to the ground there, not bothering with getting comfortable, almost like it was a punishment. Truth be told, he didn’t have the fight in his veins anymore, didn’t wish to have to struggle to get comfortable.
He was ready to lie down and accept what he earned.
His eyes slipped shut, and though the vault dweller fell into a light sleep easily, he could not. His mind simply wouldn’t stop, kept replaying that look in your eyes.
What did it mean?
Did you hate him?
He wouldn’t blame you, could never fault you for hating the monstrous thing he’d become. He’d bet you’d have fallen in love with him before- Cooper Howard, the gentleman.
That was the kind of thing you deserved, the kind of life he’d dreamt about with you.
He’d love you in those dreams, so unconditionally and flawlessly, with no restraint or regret. He’d praised the ground you walked on, and would cherish every moment he had with you.
Not now.
He couldn’t love that way, not anymore- didn’t want to, didn’t remember how, if he were honest.
There was a quiet, tempered crunch of sand, a boot moving slowly towards him.
He knew those steps though, knew that it was you who approached him. He kept his eyes shut, curious as to what your intent was.
If you killed him, so be it.
“Cooper,” you breathed.
It was a prayer, an admission, and a promise. He didn’t reply, didn’t even crack open an eye, just listened with all the ravenous hunger of a starving man, hoping you would say more.
You didn’t.
A shadow casted from behind his lids as you knelt down, reminiscent of earlier, but of your own volition. This wasn’t with rage, with an animalistic hunger.
This was with compassion, with something that resembled fondness.
A soft exhale left your parted lips, and if he imagined hard enough, he could see the expression you wore. It was kind, open- something he rarely saw anymore.
A weight settled on his chest then, your head pressed snug against the tattered shirt he wore. An arm wrapped around his middle, holding him close to your warmth. The words you spoke in then sounded lyrical, more natural than anything you’d ever said before.
He didn’t know the meaning, wasn’t even sure what language it was- but a heat emanated from the feather he’d tucked into his chest pocket, and he understood that it was you sharing a piece of yourself.
He listened to the beating of his own heart, the slowing of your breaths, as he felt a peace wash over himself that he thought was long gone.
There, in the dim glow of a worn lantern, with the most beautiful soul he’d ever had the pleasure of meeting tucked into his side, Cooper Howard emerged- the man he was- if only for a moment.
Tags: @lacontroller1991 @giggle-shade
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2af-afterdark · 1 day
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Childhood Lies
Fandom: What in Hell is Bad? Content: Leviathan & GN!MC, Mental manipulation, Fluff(?) A/N: Listen… Leviathan can gaslight me. I am okay with that. But I saw the concept of the new card and I had thoughts I needed to get out. Is it maybe a bit ooc? Maybe… But I try. Word Count: 514
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You were different.
“How does it taste?” You asked as you leaned in far too close to him, watching him eat.
Awful. It tasted like ash in his mouth.
“That bad, huh?” You laughed nervously. “I was hoping it would come out okay if I followed the recipe, but I guess not.”
Even though you were embarrassed, you were still smiling while you laughed. Leviathan had never seen that expression on your face; a mixture of joy and shame and eyes full of affection and trust. That was a face you had never worn for him. 
He was envious of the man who that expression was meant for. He was only a substitute in your memories, viewing something you were giving to another man.
“Thanks for trying it, but, please, stop eating it now. I don’t want you to get food poisoning.”
You were different; more relaxed and vulnerable than you ever were with him. It was like he was speaking to a completely different person.
He was shoving your dreadful attempt at cooking across the table (away from him) when he felt a gentle weight press against his shoulder. You had leaned your head against his shoulder. Your eyes were closed and your breathing steady.
“I’m so sad. I really thought it would be good today.” Your eyes opened as you looked up at him while still leaning against him. “If I try to bring in something tomorrow, will you still try it or did I destroy your appetite for the next week?”
Leviathan looked at the poison you called food with complete apprehension. “I will not be trying your cooking again.” 
He deemed it too dangerous.
“Jerk,” you muttered.
You were different; unafraid or managing yourself to meet his expectations. You were saying whatever came to your mind without recognizing his status as anything other than someone who you thought had been by your side your entire life.
“Leviathan?” You called his name with a sweeter tone than usual, even though you were clearly still upset. “Can I stay here tonight?”
“No.”
Even if this was your dream and these were your memories, he preferred his privacy and solidarity.
“Please?” You asked again, but this time your voice sounded uncertain and small. “Just for tonight?”
You were different; smaller, more frail.
You were still you, but you were a version of yourself that was reserved for someone else. He was jealous that someone else got a version of you that he did not; a version that was vulnerable and calm and honest and passionate and embarrassed and shameless.
If he accepted your request, would you show him another new side of you that he could only see in this dream where he replaced someone else?
He wanted to know.
He wanted to know and he wanted to see sides of you that you hadn’t shown anyone else, even the person who was supposed to be the one in your memories. He wanted to have a part of you that no one else could.
Then he wouldn’t be envious of a mere memory.
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holdinbacksecrets · 2 days
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your writing makes me feel safe, thank you. if i could request something? it’s totally ok if you aren’t comfortable but i was wondering how you think seventeen would react seeing their s/o’s self harm scars? but not the act of doing it; i’ve just been feeling a bit unworthy because of my own from my past and my mind wandered (but absolutely no worries if this is out of your comfort zone. i know self harm scars can be a trigger for sure (and you don’t have to reply in that case either)) <3 thank you either way
thank you for sharing kind words and requesting! i'm sorry for taking over a year to answer this... hopefully you still see this >.< i also hope my interpretation of your request is ok. sending you all my love 🥺 i hope you’ve been feeling better these days. you’re deserving of all the good things
seventeen: seeing your self harm scars for the first time
tw: mentions of self harming (no details of the act itself) and scars
seungcheol: he’d trace them with his lips, allowing his love to sink into the scars and caress their edges. he’d ask if they still hurt—if the memories are still piercing
jeonghan: “you turned your scar into a butterfly?” “yeah, it always made sense to get a tattoo, and it’s a reminder that pain and discomfort are fleeting. i’m never stuck.” “you’ve always had a thing for flying, haven’t you?” “yoon jeonghan, i’d exchange my arms for wings if i could.” “you’ll need me for so much more than reaching things on the highest shelf.” “you’re right… not the most practical idea.”
joshua: walks with you through the park after seeing the small x on the kitchen calendar, marking the passage of another year, and the feeling is overwhelming as painful memories flood your mind
jun: “so these aren’t from a bike wreck?” “i can’t believe you remember that…” “everything you tell me… i can’t forget anything.” “it was only our second date. i didn’t want to scare you away.” “you wouldn’t have, but i understand why you worried. i wish you didn’t have to.” “what do you think you would’ve said? would’ve thought?” “i would’ve admired you. i can’t imagine that’s an easy thing to share with anyone, let alone a person you just started dating. i would’ve felt honored that you trusted me with something so… intimate, something that leaves room for conclusions being made that you aren’t in control of.”
soonyoung: he asks if you’re ok now and immediately wonders if that was too simplistic of a question, but he means it. he wants to know if you wake up and feel peace or dread. he wants to know about the cracks in your smile. he wants to know if you’re proud of yourself now. if you were before. if he can do anything to make the dreadful moments with forced smiles easier
wonwoo: thank you for being here is the last thing you hear before drifting off, carried away by a current of warm dreams
jihoon: he cries for you and his childhood friend with similar scars. a man he hasn’t seen in years but thinks about the last week of every october—reminded of his birthday, hoping he’s celebrating well
seokmin: he holds you. he doesn’t want to let go until his tears have stopped. he doesn’t want you to know that the thought of you harming yourself pierces his heart, stops his breath, stays heavy on his shoulders, and keeps him awake while you sleep
mingyu: he wants you to know that no feeling you meet will ever scare him away. you don’t need the reminder, but he tells you anyway: you can always come to me. he will be your solid ground, the maker of comforting words and sweet distractions
minghao: will you believe him if he says you’re the strongest person he knows?
hansol: he doesn’t know what to say, and he’s suddenly afraid of his ability to support you. he hopes you can’t tell because this moment isn’t about him. the last thing he’d ever want is for you to turn to another if he’s unable to give you what you need. “it’s ok. you don’t have to have the perfect words. they don’t exist. i just want you to know. i’m so much better now. i’ve never been happier, truly, but the words were starting to itch and pull me out of present moments. summer’s coming, and i know you’ll see them soon. i just want you to know.”
seungkwan: so many questions roll around in his head. they stick to the back of his throat, and he searches your eyes for any signs of the capacity you have for sharing in this moment. you smile softly and offer a nod of encouragement. he takes a deep breath and asks the first one
chan: “do you ever…” “think about doing it again? i do, but i made a list of things to do instead.” “can i hear it?” “make tea, watch the sky, turn music on, call a friend, think about something yummy to make for my next meal, ride the train and stop as close as i can get to the library… i have a playlist of seventeen videos on my phone too.” “you’ve thought about it that recently? y/n…” “i didn’t make the playlist for that purpose alone. it started out of missing you, but i know it’ll help if i start to slip.” “you can always call me. call me first and call again if i don’t answer.”
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Text
I’ve written about this a lot before but it bears reiterating now.
I’ve seen some takes that essentially say Taylor was callous because she broke up with Joe because he “couldn’t get over his depression” and how cruel that is when she said she loves him.
And I think that a lot of the people who think that are identifying with Joe, and empathizing with him and suffering from a version of somewhat understandable main character syndrome. I see this a lot in advice on how to be there for someone struggling with their mental health. It says things like “keep reaching out even if they ignore you. They appreciate it.” “Keep inviting them to do things even if they say no” “Continue letting them know you are there for them to talk to even if they repeatedly shut you out.” And I’m not saying this is bad advice, but it makes it sound like there is one person who struggles with their mental health surrounded by supporting characters who are 100% healthy and able to give an endless supply of emotional energy and that they never have mental health struggles that are impacted by this. (My mental health for instance tanks when I reach out over and over and get rejected because I feel like no one likes me)
From what I can tell from her music (which by the way is the only indication we have that Joe struggles with his mental health, so if we are accepting that premise we need to accept everything else she says about it) Taylor followed a lot of this advice for a long time.
Years of labor locks and ceilings
Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away
Always rising from the ashes
There was nowhere for me to stay but I stayed anyways
And she tried and tried until it was having a hugely detrimental impact on her mental health which she relates
She discusses how she had to revert into a dream world because of the impact of it:
I dreamed about it in the dark the night I felt like I might die
She talks about how holding on to the relationship made her feel:
I know my pain was such an imposition
My white-knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment
My spine split from carrying us up the hill
Wet through my clothes weary bones caught the chill
She had a huge amount of anxiety about the relationship so much that her friends noticed how it was impacting her
My friends say it isn’t right to be scared every day of a love affair
My friends tried but I wouldn’t hear it/watched me daily disappearing
She got to the point where she wasn’t sure he even wanted her
Every breath feels like rarest air/When you’re not sure if he wants to be there
Is it really your anxiety that keeps you from giving me everything or do you just not want to
I wouldn’t marry me either
Her mental health was deteriorating, so if Joe deserved a partner that would support him when his mental health was struggling, doesn’t Taylor? There’s no evidence that he was able to give that to her and she felt very misunderstood by him
My face was gray but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick
How can you say you love someone you can’t tell is dying
You never read into my melancholia
Nobody noticed my new aesthetic
You say you don’t understand and I say I know you don’t
He don’t understand me
A pathological people pleaser/who only wanted you to see her
Why is his mental health considered more important than hers? One person doesn’t get to call dibs on being the one with mental health problems while the other person is assigned to be the supporting character forever.
It’s also clear she had hopes and dreams for a future that involved marriage and kids that he couldn’t or wouldn’t give her. So should she should give those up so as not to leave her partner who is depressed and be labeled a bad person?
It isn’t his fault that he’s depressed but Taylor clearly has mental health struggles too and one is not more important to the other. They were unable to be good partners to each other due to this, so ending it was the right thing. Were there better ways to do it, yes! But she was clearly struggling so incredibly much that I for one, will give her grace and understanding
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the-witchhunter · 1 day
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So a lot of what I’m about to say has to do with my preference for character driven storytelling and is pretty much just me putting down my thoughts. Feel free to leave your thoughts on this but don’t take this too seriously
I think a lot of the side characters from Danny Phantom are hard to incorporate into a DP x DC crossover, especially on their own
Because most of them are pretty normal teenagers and are harder to fit into a superhero story. They tend to be somewhat flat and their interesting traits tend to be how the relate to Danny or each other
Like, I’m not inherently interested in Paulina just being in DC because she’s a pretty shallow popular girl stereotype. There’s not a lot to her that makes her an interesting addition on her own to the setting, which is probably why a lot of people default to essentially make being from amity Park a superpower. I don’t think it adds a lot personally, but that’s a completely different rant
Dash being in DC on his own isn’t that interesting because he’s the archetype of a jock and a bully. So to compensate you see people make him insanely competent like the rest of Amity Park, or actually give him a superpower.
But the thing is, their actual character gets neglected to make that happen, which is kind of disappointing
I just think it would be nice to see who they are as a person matter more. Paulina, spoiled former popular girl now living in the real world on her own for the first time? Coming to terms with her popularity no longer mattering? Or chasing that high by trying to get famous because she needs that external validation
Dash, jock and former bully. He’s living a life where the fact he played high school football doesn’t matter, he doesn’t get the specialized treatment that it used to give him. Or he’s playing at a higher level and where he was really good before he now is dealing with the fact that everyone else is just as talented. He’s no longer THE star quarterback. Or he’s unpacking his baggage regarding his former bullying. Internalized homophobia and coming to terms with his own sexuality? Actively trying to change for the better? Seeing his old behaviors in others and trying to do the right thing?
I just think who they are should impact the story if they’re involved. If you could change the name and I wouldn’t be able to tell who it is, then why should it be this character? What about the character makes them different in this role than inserting any other character? How does who they are affect their situation for better or for worse?
Let’s take an example: Paulina becoming a reporter in metropolis. Regardless of how good she might be at the job, what character traits does she have that might affect how she does. Well, first, she was popular, that’s her big thing. She knows how to interact with people, make them like her when it suits her interests. This probably means she turns on the charm when doing interviews but is maybe a little bitchy the rest of the time. Based on her personality in the show she would probably gravitate to the society pages, wanting to cover stories involving the rich and famous, galas and all that.
See, in this example, she can still be good at her job but her character traits affect how she does things. She’s a more complicated character, and she might not handle things the same way Lois Lane does, but she can still use her abilities to get the job done through charm and manipulation. This could also lead to conflict because she can be rude to people she doesn’t need anything from, which if she does that to the wrong person, putting on the charm and batting her eyes at them isn’t going to work
Again this is largely based on my preference for character based storytelling. Characters and who they are matter and are what drives the plot. This is in contrast to plot based storytelling which is events happen to the character without their thoughts and decisions impacting the story. Plot based storytelling is an older style which you see a lot in old legends and fairytales, where things just kind of happen to the character. It’s not inherently better or worse but modern taste overall leans more towards character driven stories
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ruershrimo · 24 hours
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take me back (take me with you) | f. megumi x fem! reader | chapter 7: conversation
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ao3 link for additional author’s notes | playlist | prev | m.list
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chapter synopsis:
' “I can’t believe you’re leaving us for a boy," she goes, rolling her eyes. She doesn't even blink.
“I’m not.” You are. '
---
Megumi calls you back. You leave for Tokyo again, like a soul yearning for its body.
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word count: ~6k; tws: none for now :)!!
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19-6-2018
“So you’re really going to let go of them now?” your father asks. 
“...yeah.” 
“That’s good. I’ll miss that Itadori boy, though.” 
You will, too. 
In a way you suppose Megumi and Yuuji are very similar. They’d go well together, be good, fast friends and all that. 
They’re both undoubtedly good people, no matter how they’ve beat people up before and how different their beliefs may be. 
In Megumi’s case, everyone knew how good a person Tsumiki was, her younger brother included. Her kindness and virtue extended itself, inspiring other people around her. But Megumi was a good person, too— polite, patient (most of the time, unless it were Gojo— but who wouldn’t be annoyed by that man, right?), kind in his own way. He cared for you in all sorts of ways in the past, even then you could tell, gentle with animals and objects and your hand. Gentle in his own way. Giving you reminders despite the tiny calumniations sprinkled in (they barely do as much damage as comb bristles can), being sharp because he must have had to, kind because it was in his very nature. Easy on the eyes, tall, deep soothing voice— he ticked all the boxes for that, too. You bet that if things were different, and the two of you had stayed in touch with each other, you’d have fallen deeply in love with it by now. Yet that thought only makes you feel sour now that things hadn’t gone that way at all. 
And Yuuji, too— there was no explanation needed for Yuuji. Even Megumi could tell he was a good person. And at some times he was almost like Tsumiki. You weren’t ever surprised that you’d caught feelings for him, because— who wouldn’t? He was always popular, even if he was ignorant of his own charm around others. But he wasn’t just a good guy with a ripped torso, he was honest, perceptive and smart in conversations. Smarter than he ever credited himself for. Smart in a way you could never be— people with cute faces, nice bodies and good social skills were in a league of their own, practically. You’d thought that for a long time. 
Did either of them ever know how you felt? 
Probably not. Your heart was guarded, intensely so, and you’d never lay your feelings bare and out so easily. You weren’t the type of person to say you loved people as easily as others did, even within your own family. 
This, you presume, is probably an acquired trait, now that you think about it. You were much more different as a child, free with praise and love and unabashed affection as well as appreciation for the people around you. What changed?
(Everything.) 
You miss 2010. You miss Tsumiki the way you miss your mother’s cooking, miss her the way you miss when you wrote emails and letters and text messages to her with multi-coloured pens or your old phone that eventually broke a year after. You miss the conversations the two of you had, miss how you used to be your parents’ little angel. 
And in the end it all comes back to that, doesn’t it? 2010. Nostalgia. Reminiscing on old memories in a way akin to how the elderly do in their youth. That just made you seem more pathetic, because, weren’t you supposed to be making those memories right now, at this time of your life? 
You’re a teenager. You should be going out with friends, and having fun, not rotting at home ruminating on the past, with the only friends you’ve ever had hundreds of kilometres away from you (you weren’t sure if you could even call one of them a ‘friend’ anymore), and your acquaintances not close enough to replace them (how could they ever? How could there ever be a replacement for Yuuji?) 
In a way you feel your life is miserable: awkward, socially-impaired teenage girl with her only friend practically out of her life at this point; nothing special to your name besides a cursed technique that most times does you more harm than good; stuck not being able to completely get over friends she met at eight who left her as quickly as someone can blink their eyes; with the thinking process of a nagging, stubborn mother sometimes, or if not that then a blurry, mingled train of thought that gets delayed or lost when moving from station to station; someone not of use at all. Not miserable, you think to yourself like a slap to the face, pathetic. 
You’re not sure how Tsumiki is now— maybe she has a partner, or better friends than you were, or she’s busy being president of the student council or something (she’d be a sterling leader, of that you’re certain, that girl who you’d always known was bound to go places in the span of her lifetime). 
Hopefully, she’s alright, and doing the best she can in life. That’s all you wish for when it comes to Tsumiki. 
At this point, there’s no point in wishing to join them, or to linger on them and memories of the past. It’s a mosquito in summer heat, which is why, if it stays, you decide, you’ll just suppress and ignore it until it goes away. Even if you didn’t know how long it would take you to get over them— weeks, months, but goodness forbid a whole lifetime or forever— you needed to accept that you’d be like this for nearly the rest of your life: pathetic, lonely— ah, that’s the word that so very perfectly delineates the situation you’re in— and then some. 
So that’s why, when you hear your phone buzzing on your bed like a cicada during a balmy night, you assume it’s someone else. Yuuji must be busy settling in (he’s been texting you, and you took that as a sign that he wouldn’t call), and Megumi must be… —Well. Megumi has made a promise, and it’s not that you don’t believe in him, but it would be better to expect less than what you’d like to in order to evade disappointment. 
Must be someone else. A prank call, or a scammer, or something. Or a telemarketer, but you’d be surprised if telemarketers were calling you and not your father. And you were never one to pick calls up mindlessly anyway, so if it were some stranger out to get you or swindle you, you’d just hang up or check the number. 
If not either a scam or a telemarketer (well you suppose both of those could be scams in certain contexts), though, then you’d suspect it would be either Yuuji (Yuuji’s the one who has been texting you, after all, conversations strewn over checking in with the other over the past few hours or snippets of advice from you telling him not to bother Megumi very much, and to be cautious and keep himself safe) or Gojo— definitely not Megumi, and probably not Gojo either, but still it was more likely that Gojo was calling you instead of Megumi, so you’re considering it— and you can’t really remember Gojo’s number anyway, so what if an unknown number wasn’t a prank call or something—
You wonder if you should just pick it up instead of burying your head in your study notes and overthinking everything. 
But you know it’s definitely not Megumi. 
You check the phone. 
Well, you’ll be damned. 
It’s Fushiguro Megumi. 
You know his number by heart, after all. Keyed it in too many times to forget, and it’s not like he’d have any reason to change it. Not with the way he cares for things, inanimate objects, not with the tenderly quiet, secretly caring, emotionally jaded way he maintains them. 
“Ah… hello?” 
Your heart thumps in your chest and heat flares up in your cheeks with a frenetic speed. 
“Hi,” you blurt out, shakily. You’re sure your voice is quivering, yet your mind feels like it’s barely functioning, almost about to drown in a seven-feet-deep pool, so you can’t really tell. You can’t really hear yourself. 
You don’t know why you feel like this— no, you know exactly why, actually. It’s because you haven’t gotten over him. Your thoughts are scrambled but you know, for sure, that you’re like this because you want to get rid of feelings like these but you can’t. Or because you’ve been saying that to yourself like a mantra, for so long, even though a part of you wants it to stay— out of what, that’s what you don’t know; maybe desperation or nostalgia or an inability to stop dwelling on days long gone. But you know what this is— you’ve seen the movies, read the manga, watched the dramas. It’s romance. Crushes. Something you’re not quite able to call love yet, something you’re too scared to properly name, still, but something you can understand is one-sided nonetheless. 
“…hi. [Name].” 
“Hello…” 
What happens when two estranged childhood friends with a book’s worth of history behind their relationship that happen to be socially awkward teenagers actually have a conversation semi-beyond what keeps them estranged in the first place? 
“Hi— no, wait… how are you?” 
Pot, meet kettle, because you’re going off nothing but the fact that you’re at the very least surprised (the other emotions are too complicated to explain) that he’s speaking to you again, and not just on text, but he’s calling, and he sounds like he’s reading off a script, but the script is in a whole other language, somehow, and the uncertain nervousness in his voice is tangible, even for a deep, low voice like his. 
Script or not, you appreciate the effort, though. 
“I’m good, um… I’m happy you were able to call. It’s been a long time.” 
“That’s good.” 
There’s silence on the other line; time feels like it’s moving achingly slowly. But you’re mildly happy. 
Not happy, maybe, but you definitely feel light, as if you’ve been severed from the heaviness of everything else that has happened lately. This is the first time in years something like this has ever happened. 
“Ah, wait, I forgot to ask! Sorry, um.. how are you?” 
“I’m doing alright, too. Oh, wait, I should apologise. I didn’t tell you— thanks for helping with my injuries the other day. Gojo told me about it after you left. You… you didn’t have to, though. You shouldn’t have risked your health like that.” 
You shake your head. “Don’t mention it. You know why I do this, anyway.” Out of necessity or a need to be useful, you’re not even sure yourself, but he must know, to some degree, right? It seems as if he’d be the one to know the most of this, of you— at least, when matters came to this. “And I’ll be fine, don’t worry. Dr Ieiri probably ended up helping more with the bigger ones once the three of you got back. I mean, she did, right?” 
“…no. She said that she didn’t want to waste her time, so if injuries were more minor like mine, she wouldn’t heal them fully.” 
“...ah.” More minor? Seriously, doctor? You’d normally not question her judgement over matters that she had more expertise in dealing with, but seriously? 
“I’ll be fine, though. Most of the bandages have come off, and all.” 
“I’m glad to hear that.” 
You wonder where he is now, on the bed, maybe, or sitting on the floor. You’ve seen the classrooms, but not the dormitories— you hope wherever he is, that it’s comfortable. That he’s okay. 
“We’re going to see a new student soon.” 
“Really? Have you met them before?” 
“No, but Gojo said she’s from the countryside. But we’re meeting her in Harajuku, for some reason.” 
“Oh, Harajuku! I miss it,” you let out a plaintive sigh, “I can’t wait to be back in Tokyo. You know, whatever happens, I still love that city like nothing else. I know how many people hate it, but I love it so much.” And you love it so much in the first place, mostly because of Megumi and Tsumiki. “Maybe she just wants to chase a bit of the sweet city life— I mean, you know how it is when country bumpkins go to the city for the first time… kind of. Or when they love the city— yeah, that’s a better way of saying it. I was like that, kind of.” 
“...if you’re worried about the train ride here and want to travel alone, I could always pay for you. Uh… wait—” 
“Oh, no, no! There’s no need, uhm— thank you anyway, it’s just—” 
“It’s Gojo’s money anyway.” 
“Pft,” you snort. Anything to seep out some of Gojo’s money like gluttonous leeches, right? “Nah, I’ll be fine. I mean, I don’t even think I’ll be able to come back in a few years’ time, and by then I won’t even be relying on my parents’ money for this stuff anymore— I mean, I will still be relying on their money, but I’ll be managing it as my own.” 
He chuckles lightly over the line, the silent way he shows his emotions, the way that goes unnoticed if one is not attentive to it. It feels like he’s whispering directly into your ear, and the heat on your face (which you weren’t even sure was still there until that point). Your heart skips a beat and it completely, absolutely shocks you. “...the offer still stands.” 
Yeah, you can get behind it if he’s like this now. What happened to him, anyway? Puberty hit him like a brick and gave him, like, one more ounce of emotional maturity? 
You shake your head like a character in a piece of crappy romance fanfiction. No way. Not now, at least. Calm down. 
(...you’re just a girl.) 
“Well, no take backs from now on, okay? Even if it’s, like, five years into the future, you’ll still be using Gojo’s credit card to cover for all my travel expenses.” 
He does it again, that low, soft, attractive sound. Makes you want to hit him and hit yourself at the same time, and then kick your feet up in the air giddily, and then throttle yourself, if it were possible, out of sheer embarrassment. “Yeah.” 
You’re having the time of your life. 
“Anyway, how is everything else? Like, are your studies and grades okay? Is the training you do alright to handle?” 
“My grades are pretty okay,” he answers, “Not like Gojo cares, honestly. And the training’s fine, it’s nothing I’m not used to.” 
“Gojo seems like he’d be a good teacher. When he wants to, he can command respect pretty easily, too. I guess he just… chooses not to. But I saw it yesterday, when you and Yuuji were passed out in the hospital.” 
It still strikes a pang of guilt in your chest, your inability to have done anything else besides calling Gojo over for help. 
“...I suppose he does.” 
“Yeah.” 
“How about you? Itadori, he… he can be an idiot sometimes, but he speaks of you really admirably. He talks about how smart you are a lot.” 
The thought of Megumi calling Yuuji an idiot of all things doesn’t feel like it falls short from him, but it still makes you frown— though, you realise that that’s just his way of expressing things, because in a way he’d treated you somewhat the same in the past, even if he hadn’t shown it outright or expressed it very vividly. Classic Megumi. 
“Hey, he’s smarter than people give him credit for, okay? Wait until you see how talented he is at things other than sports and martial arts. You’d be surprised after trying the meatballs he makes. Would be good if you asked him to give you the recipe sometime; I make them, like, once a week, at least.” 
He sighs, “...I will. But the point is, he cares for you a lot.” 
“Yeah, beautiful soul, that guy. Loves people the way curious children love nature.” 
“That would be a fitting way to put it.” 
“How are the dogs?” 
“My shikigami?” 
“Yeah. Do they have names?” 
“The black one is Kuro and the white one is Shiro.” 
“You named them black and white?” 
“Look, I named them when I was barely six years old, and six year olds aren’t exactly the best when it comes to these things…” 
You giggle, “So the name stuck?” 
“Yeah, sort of.” 
Real cute. 
“What about your father? How is he?” 
“He’s okay, but, well. I guess we’re not that close anymore.” 
“...I see.” He probably can’t imagine a version of you who wasn’t immensely close to her parents. You couldn’t then, either. 
“We’ve been talking even less now that my mother’s in the hospital, but at least I get to talk to him before he eats, maybe. I’ve been doing most of the cooking now that my mother isn’t here and my father doesn’t really know how to handle himself in our kitchen without her guidance.” 
“Oh… if you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your mother?” 
“Cancer.” 
You can practically hear the gulp he’s taking, the bobbing of his throat— sensitive topic. “I’m… so sorry to hear that.” 
“It’s okay, don’t be,” you reassure him, “I should have told you that day anyway. I was just… exploding at everybody on that night. I should apologise— I’m sorry for how badly I treated you.” 
“No,” he goes, “No, you shouldn’t. I understand why you were like that that night. And it was mostly my fault, too, so…” 
“No, no, I’m serious! Feel free to ask almost anything as long as I have actual answers to your questions and all.” 
“Still… I just wanted to know. Sorry if I caused you any trouble.” 
“No— you didn’t do any of that at all, don’t worry! I’m alright with people asking about this. Ah, anyway… besides Yuuji, do you have any friends?” 
“Itadori and I aren’t friends.” 
“Trust me, if I asked him, I bet he’d beg to differ. Yuuji’s like that with people— soon he’ll be more important to you than you could have ever thought at first.”  
“Whatever you say,” he sort of grunts, “But I don’t have any friends, I think… except you, maybe. What about you?” 
You were honestly expecting him not to consider you a friend at all, and at this point so much has happened that wouldn’t even be that bothered if he no longer thought of you as one but called you anyway out of his commitment to his promises, or as an apology. 
“I’m surprised you can still call me a friend,” you say. Calling people instead of talking to them physically does something to your inhibitions. 
“...should I not?” 
“No, no, I’m happy,” you say over the phone. You’ll forget this conversation tomorrow, at least, when the sun has risen and the night returns back the hold you have over yourself, your composure, to you. You’ll act like this never happened. So you’ll say whatever you want to now, disgorging yourself of years of withheld secrets. “I’m happy that we’re still friends. I think I like that. 
“Yeah?” 
“Um— yeah, it seems like a good place to start,” you grin slightly. “And I, well. I don’t really have any friends beyond Yuuji,” —You’re not even sure if Tsumiki still sees you as a friend— “Even if I may have acquaintances like Sasaki or Iguchi it still feels like Yuuji’s one of the only people I can give that kind of title to, so, um… the more the merrier?” 
“That’s… nice.” 
“...it is, isn’t it?” 
“Thank you.” 
Why? “Okay.” 
The two of you go through the next few seconds in silence, time feeling like it’s blending and bleeding into a mix of years and events. You can hear the light, steady sound of his breathing from the other line. If you could, you’d sleep to it— fuck the phone bill, you’ll be the one paying it in your father’s stead this time if it was for this. 
It’s comforting, and you don’t want to break it— the quiet. If he can hear you now, can hear how you’re breathing through a smile with your chest only slightly moving, you hope it feels the same as the sound of his breathing did for you. You hope it feels just like home. Like a warm pillow in the one place you love the most that you bury your head into when the weather gets especially cold. 
“Fushiguro!” 
Oh dear. 
Wincing at the sound of the creaking door’s shrill shriek as it's opened and then hits the wall, you know exactly who it is— you’d recognise that voice anywhere. 
“Is that Yuuji?” 
“Oi! I told you not to barge into my room like that!” Megumi shouts. 
“Huh? You’re calling someone? Sorry. Wait, is it [Name]?” 
“It’s none of your business.” 
“Hi, Yuuji.” 
“Can I talk to her?” 
“Is it alright if we do, Megumi? Just for a few seconds.” 
“Fine,” he sighs. You can practically hear that eye roll. 
“Yo!” he cheers. 
“Has everything been okay lately?” you ask. 
“Yeah. We’re meeting a new student soon.”
“Ah, yeah. Megumi told me.” 
“—Oh, and my uniform came in! It looks pretty neat.” 
“That’s good. Maybe you can send me a picture once you start wearing it, then.” 
“I will!” 
Things are going better than you thought they would. 
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21-6-2018
It’s been a few days now. 
You don’t know Sasaki and Iguchi well enough to call them friends, but the three of you do know each other. You had never decided to change any contacts with them, and considering that they and you were never closer than acquaintances, friends of a friend— you had never really regretted it. But now that Yuuji is gone— and you know he’s not dead, but still— you wonder whether you should have gotten closer to them, just to be less alone once Yuuji left, even if it could not be the way things were with Yuuji. (“I thought I was a pretty lonely guy, and sometimes I still do. Like— I mean, you’re a lonely girl too sometimes, I think,” he had told you as you patched him up.) 
Still, Yuuji and you were two peas in a pod— so they’re bound to ask what happened to him soon enough, especially Iguchi. 
You’ll have to start getting used to spending your Thursdays alone. And then you’d have to start getting used to every other day without him, too. If you went to the arcade or watched movies or sing-screamed the lyrics to English songs you don’t know the Japanese translations of without his presence there, you know how it wouldn’t feel the same. In life it’s not what you do that matters, you’ve come to realise— it’s who you’re doing these things with. That’s what puts meaning to it all and makes all things done in your life worthwhile. 
The two of them pass you by during lunch. 
“[Last Name]? —Oh, hey!” Sasaki says as she turns around. 
You almost scream and run away like a mouse fleeing from the eyes of a vicious house cat, tremors in your voice. “Hello…” 
“Where’s Yuuji, by the way? The occult club’s going to fall apart without him.” 
You pause. “He transferred to another school…” 
“Huh?” she goes, Iguchi almost reeling back in shock. “Transferred? But why? We’ve barely even made it to the middle of the year!” 
“I… I don’t know, it was something really urgent,” 
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23-6-2018 
Your room is a cluttered mess— lucky as you are that it’s the weekend, the past week has been a rollercoaster that knocked your room’s usual standard of cleanliness off track. Scattered all over your desk were worksheets, notebooks, graph paper pages and foolscap paper, chicken-scratch writing and meticulous notes scribbled all over them to compensate for your absence the day after the incident took place. 
It isn’t the time or the discipline you lack— it’s just that it’s going to be awfully tedious. You’ll have to wipe your desk again, and clean the walls, and sort through all your clothes, too, since you haven’t been folding them in any way that isn’t merely fastidious and nearly careless. So as you get to work, you suppose that calling someone wouldn’t hurt. 
Maybe you could call Megumi. That would be okay. 
For the past few years, you’ve never noticed it. So when you do, it hits you like a bullet train at the fastest of speeds. 
You miss him. Not just in the way you miss 2010, the way you miss the past, the way you miss and mourn the person you used to be. It had been so obvious for Tsumiki, but not for him, and now that you know this it’ll be another quiet revelation— another rediscovery of fragments of yourself concealed by memories. 
You miss him— all of him; you yearned to be his friend again because he was unlike Tsumiki who you knew cherished you as you did her; you miss him regardless of who he is now, because somewhere inside him is the boy who read dog books and brought you to the school library and ran your finger through water when you burned it. Somewhere inside him is the person who offered to hold your bag as he walked with you through a snowy garden, and helped you when your nose bled. 
So it would be okay to call Megumi right now. 
“Fushiguro speaking.” 
“Hi, Megumi. Are you busy?” 
“Not right now.” 
“Want to call?” 
“Fushiguro!” It’s Yuuji. “Wanna go—” 
“I said I’m not going!” 
You chuckle, “Be nice. Were the two of you supposed to go somewhere?” 
“Nothing important. Gojo said he wanted us to ‘bond’ with each other, so he concluded that we could watch a movie. Some kind of gory horror film or something.” 
He’s… actually making an obvious effort not to scold Yuuji that much or call him some insulting, derogatory term this time… wow. 
“Ah, yeah. Yuuji likes his horror movies.” 
“Anyway, anything urgent you wanted to tell me?” 
“No, I’m just… uh—” you laugh nervously, “I’m just a little bored.” Nowadays you’re not really sure what he’d do— scold you, maybe, or roll his eyes so hard that you can hear it over the line, or he may even flash into a quick bit of awkwardness and hesitation through his words. 
Or maybe— and this was the worst of it all, he’d ask why you were calling him, and his bouts of awkwardness would have only been something temporary, soon to be replaced once again by anger and annoyance, the same he gives to everyone else— even if you knew he didn’t always mean it, per se. No more special treatment for you. 
“Oh.” 
“Yeah, uh… I have to clean, and usually it’s not as much as what I have to do today, so I just thought that since the only other person in the house is my father and we don’t really talk much anymore, we could, um… chat for a while. Yeah.” 
“Okay.” 
“Uh-huh, so.” You stand up, leaving your phone on your desk and putting the call on speaker mode. The mountain of papers and books is a wasteland and your desk has been degraded to a landfill— the state of it would make your mother a wailing mess— no, she’d faint instantly as soon as she saw it, becoming worse of a mess than the table itself was. “Anything interesting happened lately?” 
“Not really.” 
“Oh—! Yuuji sent me a picture of his uniform the other day. Was that one special?” 
“Yeah. But they let students make adjustments to the uniform, and he said he hadn’t changed anything, so I think that was Gojo’s doing.” 
“Oh, well, that’s Gojo. It suits him, though, right? Not to sound mean or be presumptuous, but…” you chuckle, “When you wear the uniform, you look so formal. It’s not a bad thing— it’s just that Yuuji’s just always been more casual like that. And the red of the hoodie goes with his hair, too!” 
“I guess so.” 
“I can’t imagine you wearing anything other than the default uniform, though. Not to insult you, I mean, you still look good in the normal uniform, I just— can’t imagine it.” You remark, sorting the materials and books by size and subject. You’ve got to handle some of the drawers, too, now that you’ve started and can’t stop your momentum just yet. You can already feel the dust particles that have gathered on whatever is inside them still, jostling around once you’ve taken them out. 
“If you’re going to say it like that, you can just say it outright.” 
“No, no! I mean that I just can’t imagine you wearing, like, Yuuji’s uniform. Wait, what do the other students’ uniforms look like?” 
“The second years?” 
“Yeah. Did they choose the normal ones?” 
“Inumaki did. They have three boys and one girl, but only two of the boys wear the normal uniform. Okkotsu has a special uniform in white.” 
“Oh, I see,” you nod your head, “It’s a nice uniform, though. I wish I could wear a uniform that pretty.” 
“You could always enrol yourself here,” he suggests, “They’d welcome you with open arms.” 
“Maybe they will,” you chuckle, “But my mother would be adamant on me staying in the ‘normal’ world. She’s unyielding like that.” 
“And your father?”
“Wouldn’t mind, at least I don’t think…” you say, “I’ll have to wonder when to tell him if I do end up in jujutsu high; you never know when he’s mad. He’s always unpredictable like that nowadays and it’s not… particularly pleasant.” 
“I see. It would be good if you were here, though. You would be closer to Dr Ieiri that way. And it would do good, because, um… well, I’d like you here. You’d be… good for the people around you here.” 
“Ah, you— you would?” you ask, slightly phased— not like he hasn’t been a bit nicer to you since you’ve seen him again (maybe it was the awkwardness, maybe it was the guilt). “Thank you,” you say, the corners of your mouth tugging up sheepishly, heading to the dusty drawer (you haven’t touched it in what feels like years, usually excluding it from your list of things to clean). 
After a scrupulous amount of wiping away at the dust outside of and surrounding it, you open the drawer with a slight bit of anticipation— you don’t expect much, but you’re a person who lingers on the past like a ghost that has forgotten how time has passed. There wouldn’t be much in this drawer to reminisce on, you presume, but you still approach it with an eager fascination— you’re the type to do so, after all. 
Of everything there, the most noteworthy are two things you grabbed almost immediately— you could never forget how they felt, and the weight that they held in your life back then: a letter, addressed but never delivered to the person you were talking to right now, and a cigarette with a hastily scribbled slew of numbers on it and a lipstick mark on its end. 
Oh, that letter. That letter.  
From what you remember, you’ve never rebelled against your parents before. At least, not with anything major— for a long time, you were their good girl, and you never disobeyed them, as much as you wanted to at times. You still are, still stuck with that age-old drive to be useful. (But was there even a point in that anymore? At least, was there one with your parents?). You didn’t picture yourself as any kind of righteous goody-two-shoes, but you definitely weren’t a rebel or a delinquent. You followed their instructions and seldom ever questioned what they told you, and so it had always been subtly implanted in your brain that they would be alright with anything you did or said. Yet the first time you did actually start to question them, you realised that their belief in your ‘obedience’ as pure love— and maybe it was; you loved them so much you were blinded and trusted them with everything and did anything they wanted their baby to do— you realised they only treated you so lovingly if you were not an actual person with your own ideals and beliefs. 
(But they still loved you, right?) 
Even now, you still do obey them and listen to them. If your father needed anything, he could consider it done; if your mother wanted her clothes to be patched up you’d try your utmost best to withstand the pricking of needles and bring it back to her hospital room with bandaged fingers. It was like that with your mother: even if at times it seemed like the only pain she wanted for you was callouses from a pen or pricks from needles, at other times you feel she could have known you’d end up like her, maybe. Maybe she saw it as a curse: the worlds the two of you were born in were different, and she wanted you to stay in yours, lest you die or live in a world of endless pain. 
You’ve been doing it for a long time: being dismissive of yourself, prone to self-prostration, subservient; the lovingness of a mother, the sweetness of a teenage girl (you hoped), the kindness of a caring friend. Maybe it was Tsumiki— maybe it was because you’d always seen this in Tsumiki. She was always smiling, always caring; taking on the weight of motherhood before she could carry the weight of her school bag. Hugging you with her saccharine smile; braiding her hair with gentle hands and holding your wrist with her hair tie on it even gentler. (You still have it with you. You had planned to start taking it off more once Yuuji left, but you suppose some habits take longer than a week to develop.) All while having that sickening, fantastical, mysterious sweetness of a teenage girl in what you now understand could have been a hidden misery— because caring for someone like a mother while suppressing the thoughts that spoke to you to act like a child was something you wanted to replicate until you realised you understood it. And then you no longer wanted to recreate it. (Maybe that was the way it was for every woman or girl you knew: watching someone you loved hurt themself or not being able to do anything to prevent it when they started. Life was a cycle that way. A very annoying, frustrating one full of unfortunate circumstances and wrongly-picked out decks of cards.) 
“…you know what? I think I may be able to come,” you tell him. 
“You don’t have to go against your father for our sake.” 
“No, don’t worry about it. I think I know who to ask for help. Thank you, Megumi.” 
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“Hi, Dr Ieiri?” 
“Kid? That you?” she goes, the slightest bit of excitement stark against her usual deadpan tone. “I thought you’d never call because of that old man.” 
“Haha, yeah— sorry to disturb you, but, um, Dr Ieiri? I may want to take you up on that offer, by the way, but um, I’m still on the fence. I mean, I know I want to be like you and do what you do but… I don’t know, I’m not quite sure about leaving the two of them alone here and all. But anyway, I just called you because I wanted to ask if there was, you know, any way you could get me to Tokyo somehow. I need to pass something to someone, but, um… I guess I’m going with this with the hope that I’ll change my mind and join you. But I’m… perpetually on the fence for now, I guess.” 
“Pft,” she snorts, “You little rebel, I’m in. I’ll see what I can do.” 
“Thank you so much.” 
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24-6-2018 
The decision and the plan were made as swiftly as you could. 
You decide to tell your father— you wouldn’t want to deceive him, after all. At least, you’d give him a quick notice. And then you’d leave. Like a snowflake before the first day of spring. He’ll probably tell your mother.  
“I’m leaving for Tokyo for a while,” you say, “I’ll be back before you can even realise I’m gone. Invitation from Dr Ieiri.” 
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25-6-2018
“Why?” your father asks, the night before you leave. He suggested going out together at least once before you left. He always knew when you were making white lies. 
“I guess that maybe I’m just too much like you, Daddy.” 
For the first time in years he hugs you on the doorstep, patting you on the back on the day you’re set to leave. “Make sure you study and work hard,” he reminds you. 
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“I’m leaving for Tokyo,” you announce.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving us for a boy,” she goes, rolling her eyes. She doesn’t even blink. 
“I’m not.” You are. 
“You know, your father travelled all over the country to see me again after we’d first met.” 
“Oh. Okay?” 
“And he’s always been dedicated to his job and dedicated to helping people.” 
“Uh huh.” 
“I’m saying that the two of you are very similar. I’ve lived through this story before,” she states, “And you look just like your father right now.” your mother says. She hasn’t smiled the way she used to— you remember it vividly, that vibrant gleam in her, the liveliest and loveliest of life— in ages and you don’t think she will, not now of all times. 
“Really? Sometimes he says I take after you more.” 
“You will.” 
It doesn’t feel like a curse. Even if it usually would make your heart well up in guilt, it doesn’t feel like a curse. 
Maybe she knows that her time is running out. Maybe this is resignation. Whatever it is, you hold her hand first, but you’re also the first one to let the other go, your fingers slipping away from hers. You leave the door for the last time in a while, making another round in your life of that carousel of abandonment and reuniting and departures. 
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25-6-2018 
Dr Ieiri greets you with a calm smile on her pallid face. 
“Good to see you again.” 
“It’s good to be back here,” you sigh. 
It is. 
You keep your hand on your other hand’s wrist, holding them in front of you. The cherry hair tie on it feels warm against your skin as you exit the station, summer heat embracing it softly. 
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taglist:
@bakananya, @sindulgent666, @shartnart1, @lolmais, @mechalily, @pweewee, @notsaelty, @nattisbored
(please send an ask/state in the notes if you'd like to join! if I can't tag your username properly, I've written it in italics. so sorry for any trouble!)
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starryfree · 1 day
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Hybe/MHJ update
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Hybe is on the top left, MHJ on the upper right and the energy of the public down below.
Hybe is definitely thinking that she’s a snake and very manipulative. That she’s someone who’s a pathological liar (not saying she is or isn’t but this is what hybe believes). They think she’s being petty over this and blowing things out of proportion. They also think she’s very cunning and that they underestimated her. Hybe also thinks she’s petty over well they think she’s coming after a female hybe employee for no reason? Could be blonde but could just be someone that mhj thought was gonna follow her to ador? Maybe a trainee or staff that she thought she could take with her to ador but then hybe snatched them up and mhj thinks this girl has no loyalty?
She believes that hybe didn’t really follow through on their word and she believes everything she said in her press conference (about them lying and misleading her). She did believe in hybe and that they could’ve been different from her other company’s that she worked with. Now she’s realizing that big corporations really shouldn’t be trusted. They promised her something but they reneged on it. I think she might be telling the truth. Hybe promised her something big? But now they’re like “well actually….”. So she’s upset. Might be money related?
The public thinks this is all so childish and pathetic. Like two children throwing the biggest tantrums trying to outdo the other person. I wouldn’t be surprised if the public gets over this stuff quickly.
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Bang PD - 6 of wands - he thinks he’s untouchable. He’s a very prideful man. It’s giving leo energy. He thinks nobody can come at him and go against him. He’s very success oriented and will whatever it takes to get there. I’m seeing someone who’s yelling “alright team! Let’s do this” but then only the other people are working and he’s just there giving orders. He thinks he knows it all and is always right.
Park Jiwon (CEO of HYBE) - 6 of pentacles - he’s a very straight businessman. Very dull tbh. He’s the one pushing for a mediation between everyone. He’s also trying to look over contracts and agreements. He strikes me as a pushover tbh.
Min Heejin - 10 of wands - she really feels betrayed. And that she’s dealing with a lot at the moment. She feels like she’s been stabbed in the back after everything she’s done for them. I do believe she believes everything she said and did at her press conference.
HYBE staff - 8 of swords - they really can’t do or say anything much tbh. Their hands are tied. They’ve also been told to stay out of it. I see a bunch of people shrugging.
Ador staff - 3 of pentacles - are some of them already looking for other jobs? Other companies or other hybe labels? But they’re open to working with hybe or whoever to smooth things over.
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The Newjeans girlies - 2 of wands - they’re conflicted. They don’t know what to do or who to side with. They’re very upset though. They’re angry that they’re in this position. But they don’t seem to be blaming anyone?
Their parents - 4 of wands - they’re also being told to stay out of it but they don’t really want to speak up? They’re not that type of people anyways. They’re mainly concerned about the health and safety of the girls.
Newjeans and hybe - the empress - they do mean what they say when they want to prioritize the health and well-being of the girls. They want to provide them with the best care possible. They believe that hybe wants the best for them.
Newjeans and min heejin - they also believe her and that she has good intentions towards them. They believe what she’s saying and that she wants a good outcome for them.
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The outcome:
The sun, queen of wands rx, 5 of cups, wealthy man, change rx and court house.
More high profile attention? She doesn’t want to leave? But she’s not gonna get what she wants/is asking for from hybe? People might be disappointed that she won’t leave? Bang pd/hybe might threaten her like “if you don’t budge on this issue and do what we want you to, see you in court”.
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plumgyu · 1 day
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A Taste of Heaven - Choi Beomgyu
(Beomgyu/Gender Neutral Reader)
Warnings: None
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You awoke to someone saying your name, tugging on the fabric of your shoulder.
“Get up… please…” The voice pleaded, not wanting to be late for your next class yet not wanting to leave you behind.
“Five more minutes…” You muttered, eyes closed shut and face buried in your arms. You felt a soft poke to your arm, the figure repeating your name now with more urgency.
“I swear if I get one more absence because of you I am going to send you to your grave.” The voice had a mixture of annoyance and amusement in its tone.
“Beomgyu, you shouldn’t have waited for me to head to your science…” You whispered, abashed at your actions having repeated themselves again.
“I wanted to.” He said simply, and you knew better than to contest to that. You tried to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat at his words.
Although when had ignoring your problems ever solved anything for anyone? Whether you told yourself it was true or not, it was an undeniable fact that you were stupidly in love with this man. The thought that he could never love you too was almost too much to bear. Half your grade liked him, so your chances were slim to none. Even knowing this, you wouldn’t stop liking him. No, you couldn’t. Every part of him was far too enticing to resist, and every little touch left you yearning for more. Was this beginning to be a problem…?
You snapped out of your melancholic thoughts, not wanting to make him later than he already was. He walked you to your class, bid you goodbye, and quickly ran off to his own. It was the little things like this that made it impossible to stop liking him.
Sighing, you sat down at your desk, and miraculously, you weren’t late. You cringed as you heard the bell, knowing that there was no world where Beomgyu made it to his class two stories above within a fifteen second time frame. “I’m going to have to pay him back for this…” You told yourself, a twinge of guilt mixing with the fluttering of your heart at having been around the one you loved.
For better or worse, these feelings soon faded as endless lectures on quadratics ensued. Your math teacher, Mr. Jang, not once failed to one-up himself in the sheer boredom his classroom brought. The only interesting thing about this class was the fact that it constantly seemed to get less interesting. Despite your past mistake, the sheer uselessness of this knowledge threatened to put you to sleep in itself.
At last, the class ended, signaling the beginning of lunch. You would get to see Beomgyu. But was that even a good thing anymore? The pain of knowing that he could never love you back brought pain deeper than any cut, but the warmth in your heart his presence brought always pulled you back. Curse him and his comforting voice.
You don’t know how, or why, you chose to do it. But somehow the prospect of being with a person who made you happier than anyone else didn’t seem so pleasant anymore. When you weren’t there, would he just replace you with someone else? He wouldn’t even notice if you were gone, right…?
Soon your eyes welled up in thick tears, running down your face and soaking your skin. You had to leave before someone saw this. Between choked back sobs, you made your way out of the school building, looking for somewhere, anywhere to hide. You settled on a thick tree by the side of the school. The shade soothed you as compared to the blazing sun, the light breeze giving your senses a faint chill. Flowers bloomed in the trees, which leaves swayed so gracefully it was nearly hypnotic. The grass beneath you lay soft and welcoming, but as it soon grew wet from your cries, it served only as a way to dispose of your tears.
It seemed as if nothing would ever be okay again. God, how could you even look at him again after realizing the full extent of your feelings towards him…? You would never be anything more than a friend to him, so why couldn’t you just let it go…? Why couldn’t you let him go…?
As if by command, you heard your name called yet again, but this time with a delicate softness that held fragile emotions behind it.
“Please… don’t cry… it’s going to be okay…” It was none other than the one you both wanted to see more than all else and wished to avoid with your life. It was the voice of Choi Beomgyu. He seemed to be at a loss for words. You hardly had time to be embarrassed at your disheveled state before that sentiment worsened at the realization that he had never seen you cry before. How the hell were you going to get out of this one…?
“I was just- taking some time to relax,” you began, desperately trying to explain yourself, “Nothing to worry about here, see?” You forced a smile, but your eyes were still filled with great anguish.
“No,” he began, calling out your name yet again. If you weren’t careful, you’d get addicted to the sound of that word on his lips. “I know you, and I know you’re not okay. Tell me what’s wrong, please?” The look in his eye was deadly. Not in the sense that it scared you, but due to the fact that he looked so adorable in that moment that it made you want to pour out your heart’s deepest desires to him. And behind the cuteness lay that mysterious emotion you always felt when he was with you. Whether it be in his voice, through his eyes, or by the softness of his touch, there was this strange feeling you could never quite pinpoint through his actions.
“I can’t,” You replied simply, not knowing any other way to word it. “Not to you…” You choked back yet another sob, not wanting to show even more of your vulnerability in front of him.
“Why not?” He questioned, looking slightly hurt by your declaration. His eyebrows furrowed, lips unconsciously forming a slight pout. He looked like a lost puppy. How was it possible for a human to be this cute?
“No- it’s not personal… I just,” You fumbled through your words, “It’s just…”
“What is it? You know you can tell me anything,” He muttered, “I won’t be mad.”
“No, Beomgyu, you don’t understand.” Was it courage? Was it annoyance? Was it the subconscious desire to let out your biggest secret and finally be able to stop these lies? You would never know.
“Beomgyu,” You began, looking him dead in the eye. “I like you.”
His eyes widened in shock. He seemed to have both everything and nothing to say at once. Those few moments were among the most terrifying in your life, his silence being far worse than the prospect of rejection. Eventually, he regained his composure. Maybe he didn’t need words.
“Can I kiss you?” A simple question, asked so casually you could have brushed it off as small talk by the tone of his voice. It was now your turn to be at a loss for words. The most you could manage was a soft whisper.
“Please,” And that was all it took. The next thing you knew, his soft lips were against yours. It was nothing short of euphoric, everything you’ve ever wanted coming down to this very moment. When he pulled away, you found yourself wanting more. A single look into his eyes and you could see that he wanted it too.
He pulled you back, moving you closer and closer into his body, to the point where your chest lay against his. You hummed into his lips, as if asking permission to kiss him deeper, and he eagerly obliged. The feeling of his tongue against yours was almost too much to handle. Suddenly, you felt his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you up into his embrace. A squeak escaped your lips, and you took the opportunity to admire the boy in front of you.
His hair was soft and warm in the afternoon sun, his mouth tinted a light red as by your doing. His eyes were as pretty as ever, shining with deep admiration and long held love. He was beautiful. And he was yours.
You felt his hand brush against your cheek, an expression of longing taking over his features. He bit his lip slightly, as if contemplating whether to speak, before coming to a conclusion.
“I like you too,” he said, now unable to contain the sheepish grin forming on his lips.
He had given you a taste of heaven. Now there was nothing stopping you from taking more.
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Thank you so much for reading! This is my first post so please feel free to share your criticism and feedback ♡
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spacerockfloater · 2 days
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You know what?
I get it, ok? I understand the concept of Rhysand being a morally grey character. I understand that SJM wanted him to be an anti-hero of sorts. I would be totally okay with him doing everything that he did and standing by his actions if he simply said “The only thing that concerns me is myself, my circle and my people. I’m here to protect my interests first and everything else second. I am no hero, I am just someone who puts himself and his sphere first. I am a selfish person and I’m totally okay with that. I do not need anyone’s approval.” I still wouldn’t be his biggest fan, because I do not tend to admire self serving people, but I would totally understand him. In fact, I might have done the same thing. I guess you can never know for sure what your reaction to something would be unless you actually end up in that situation. I get that the average person would protect themselves (themselves = them and their loved ones) but I do believe that admiration should be saved for people who go against the norm. People who actually put their foot down, say no, protest, fight back, risk their lives, experience loss for a greater good. That’s why I admire Khalias, Tarquin, Helion, Tamlin etc. Because they stood up to Amarantha while knowing the consequences of their actions. I wouldn’t admire Rhysand, but I’d support him if he just owned up to his shit and said “Yup, I’m your average person, I don’t care if I come off as the bad guy!”.
But he does not! He wants everyone to applaud him and thank him and feel like they owe him and appreciate him and and and and… Jesus Christ man, you did the bare minimum and you did it all when you had nothing to lose! Thank you so much that you convinced that frigid bitch to murder two dozens of children instead of me and my family, of course I am now forever in your debt! Relax. You were able to talk Amarantha out of directly harming the other High Lords only after you harmed others to gain her favour and you saved the High Lords only because it served you better to keep them alive instead of some irrelevant children fae. I’m sure that your people should be thanking you because you did it all for them after all, but count me the fuck out of it.
Last but not least: ACOTAR Feyre was, obviously, a hero. She was a morally good character. She sacrificed herself for people she didn’t even know. I’m not gonna debate that. I actually loved her in the first book. However, I think she went through a drastic change after her metamorphosis. Her “human heart” is actually no longer human to say the least. I’m not even gonna elaborate on how she became this cruel, unforgiving person that only cared about how people treated her, or how disrespectful she is towards other people like Tarquin because Rhysand made her feel entitled to do so, or how she is responsible for the destruction of two courts that simply seemed like collateral damage if it meant that she would get her revenge on Tamlin. I’m simply going to say that logically speaking, since Feyre stands 100% besides Rhys and everything he did and supports him, she’s also a morally grey person AT BEST, though I do tend to think of both of them as villains because after all, the very definition of a villain is “someone defined by their acts of selfishness, evilness, arrogance, cruelty, and cunning” and like, come on, this screams Feysand.
The term morally grey is so overused. Someone who’s selfish and cunning and cares mostly about themselves is, at least partially, a bad person. A morally grey character is at least half a villain. When did we actually start to equate anti heros with heros?
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I don’t think it’s brought up enough in the fandom how normal and maybe even valid it is for Zuko to be mad at Iroh?
I’m mainly thinking of the flash back where Zuko is being rude to him at the western air temple because it’s so easy to forget he was 13 (I’ve always thought the animators just used his 16 year old season one character model and tossed bandages over the eyes so I think I have been forgetting how damn young he was then).
Zuko knows Iroh was at the Agni Kai. Zuko knows his uncle, someone I think he really thought of as a protector, just watched. He is 13 years old and has to assume his uncle didn’t fight on his behalf at all. He didn’t step up to his father, he didn’t challenge the banishment; he let it happen.
In his head iroh agreed these things should happen and he deserves this humiliation and trauma.
Or even that iroh is being punished too for his own cowardly behavior. If his father is right, which he would reason was the case since no one challenged these actions, why would iroh as the responsible party not be punished too? Zuko wouldn’t have done what he did if Iroh hadn’t let him come in when he wasn’t even supposed to be here in the first place.
Considering he had to do an Agni Kai for a small slight, he probably thinks Iroh should have challenged his father on his behalf if he was the person who would protect him or Ozai challenged him and he declined.
I’ve always wondered if Zuko secretly thought Iroh was banished for cowardice as well. I mean it’s so weird to me and probably Zuko the child, Ozai wouldn’t get rid of his one challenge to keep the throne.
Iroh is so directly tied to the biggest trauma in his life, it doesn’t matter if he was a good parent for those three years, Zuko is a child and he would put some of the blame on him. I don’t even think these would be things he thought all the time, I just think it would be something burning in the back of his mind every time Iroh tries to challenge his father and the morals of the fire nation.
(I love iroh and am not saying he’s bad, I’m just saying I think it should get brought up more that to Zuko’s knowledge, he didn’t stand up for him when it mattered most).
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sunnybyler · 1 day
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the way some people talk about the mor & eris situation genuinely grosses me out and i just have to talk about it. mind you, this is coming from someone who doesn’t really like mor and really likes eris (or rather, likes the potential he has and believes him to be good).
i absolutely hate the fact that some people jump to mor lying about her absolutely horrific trauma just because they like eris. now, don’t get me wrong. i 100% believe there’s more to the story than we’re being told. it might be true that mor is leaving some information out. but y’all, it’s explicit that she was horribly abused and nearly killed for what she did with cassian. i’ve even seen people say she made part that up too which is even more crazy to me when that’s the part of this story where we do know exactly what happened. to some extent, i get why people question eris’s involvement. sjm is very obviously setting him up to be a secretly good guy wearing a mask. i mean, why else would she retcon him being at jesminda’s death? and there’s so many other hints. it’s also heavily implied that he wasn’t being evil in leaving mor there, i mean he basically said as much in acosf. however, that doesn’t mean that mor’s trauma is suddenly untrue or invalid just because eris had good motivations behind not helping her. my personal theory is that he left her because he knew she wanted out, that all beron would do would be abuse her further, and some law that if he touched her she would become autumn court territory. or something along those lines. imo he probably also knows she’s queer which is why he was so cryptic in the hewn city. i’ve also seen the mates theory which is interesting, but i’m not fully sold on it yet. regardless of the truth of it all, i definitely believe that eris was saving her in the only way he could when he left her there. HOWEVER. that does not mean that mor cannot be traumatized by it. i mean, imagine being in that situation. showing up and her condition and being left there to rot basically. i wouldn’t be able to look at whoever did that to me either, even if they were protecting me from a worse fate. two things can be true at once. eris can have good intentions, and mor can still have valid trauma because of what happened to her. you’re allowed to like characters that do morally gray things guys. not everything is black and white, and that’s okay.
also, the evil mor theory is ridiculous i’m sorry. like yeah, her truth power is weirdly vague and sketchy, but y’all are reaching. i don’t even hate the theory because i like mor, i hate it because it makes absolutely no sense. think about the absolutely TERRIBLE backlash sjm would get for making her only queer character secretly evil and making up her horrific trauma and abuse. like can you imagine???? that would NEVER happen. especially when she’s already so heavily criticized for her writing of queer characters. i get that authors pull dumb shit sometimes, but no one on her team would ever allow that, and i don’t believe sjm would ever want to either. i like theorizing sometimes but at a certain point it just goes too far for my taste and i just had to get this off my chest.
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majaloveschris · 2 days
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Can I ask? And you’ve probably answered this before but…
As a person who doesn’t believe this is a real relationship, what is the reason you believe both parties entered into the relationship and committed to the point which they have?
I personally believe that the relationships isn’t exactly pure but I wouldn’t go as far to say I can believe in contracts and all that. But that doesn't mean I don’t believe there could be some sort of agreement. On CE’s behalf I don’t truly don’t think it would be career motivated more so a way to protect something in his personal life.
What are your thoughts? I’m genuinely curious about what people think. (Most of the time people are just fighting about who is right around here and it’s hard to know what the actual thought out theories are)
I mean, I can only guess since I have zero knowledge about anything.
I think for Chris, it was probably about getting roles, money, and the way people perceive him. Maybe he didn't even need to audition for those two roles he has; maybe we will see him in different genres or in more serious roles and projects. Maybe his salary in these movies will be higher than anticipated. He was always talking about wanting to get married, etc., and after years of talking about these, people started saying that he was simply lying and probably enjoyed not being committed to someone. This obviously changed after he got "married."
I think the reasons are more clear for Alba; it's about getting roles and becoming the next IT girl. Or it was. The fact that her name is connected to Chris could be a huge boost for her career if she were a good actress and someone who was willing to work. She doesn't seem to be either. I think she thought she would simply get more roles offered without needing to do anything. It doesn't work like that, however, and I think she realized that. Maybe she is trying to get roles in America, but she doesn't seem to be successful.
These things wouldn't be a problem; celebrities get into and out of PR relationships every day; it's a common thing there. It's about her age, but more about her personality. Why her, though, you might ask? Who knows. I think the fact that Lucas Bravo, her ex-something, is with Narrative PR and Chris is also with them has to do something with the situation.
I obviously don't know anything for sure; maybe there are more things; maybe I'm wrong and it's about something else. These are just a few thoughts I have.
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marisatomay · 5 months
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“I can’t believe Tom Cruise of all people would stand up for his agent, a Muslim Libyan-American woman, who was being publicly blacklisted for her support of Palestine and calling out the ongoing genocide, including making a rare in-person appearance to CAA headquarters in LA to express his support for her. What a strange person who can ever guess what opinions he will have.”
Look. I’ve studied Tom Cruise a lot. One could even call me a Cruisologist. (Not to be confused with. Well.) And, it’s actually really easy to predict Tom Cruise’s opinion on something. The tricky part is whether it will be made public in a timely manner or not and, if it’s made public at all, will it be a lede buried in favor of pushing a narrative sold on background by a studio exec he pissed off because he didn’t roll over and take their bullshit.
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