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hotchley · 3 years

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sadness

Right, my laptop is at 12% and I need to cross-post to ao3 and go to sleep because I have one more mock tomorrow, so I’ll try and keep this one short.

My post earlier sparked this. I am now writing a series called “he blinks” which explores how Hotch feels each of the eight core emotions (and probably love, because I am nothing if not a sucker for Hotch and Haley.) Anyways... sadness is first. But it’s more like grief? So... it’s set after 100, and yeah :) There’s no dialogue, and I think this counts as introspection, but I don’t know...

I had more to say, but I can’t remember so... onwards! It’s relatively short, 1272 words, so I hope it’s okay. I’ve not touched most of my WIPs since whenever I last uploaded a fic, and it’s more just me rambling so yeah.. go with it

Trigger Warnings: death, grief, the slightest implication of child abuse (please let me know if I’ve missed anything, but I think this is it)

read on ao3!

Aaron Hotchner’s sadness is quiet.

That’s what Haley’s death teaches the BAU.

Penelope’s sadness is happiness that seems too loud, too much, too forced and perfect to be anything but a terrible attempt at masking something negative.

JJ’s sadness is socially acceptable: she cries, she accepts the comfort, and then she stitches herself back together before anyone can wonder why one sentence wasn’t able to fix her.

Derek’s sadness is a fierce protectiveness over the people he loves most, because they are the thing that keeps him going and remind him of all the reasons to try his best to cope and move on and deal.

Spencer’s is an unusual thing, that is somehow vulnerable and closed-off in the same moment. He will shed his tears openly, sometimes not even realising that is what he is doing, but he recoils at the slightest glimmer of support.

Emily’s is hidden behind stupid jokes that can’t even raise the corners of her mouth and stories from a childhood that she still can’t quite wrap her head around serve as a coping mechanism, because if she cannot go back to that blissful ignorance then she will remind herself it exists.

Dave’s is an explosive thing that showcases itself as anger and a closed office door. The team always knows when he’s sad. He won’t accept comfort from anyone in the moment, but an unspoken apology is given to everyone in the form of a meal when he’s thinking rationally.

But Aaron’s sadness is quiet and unsuspecting.

The team had never realised that. They’d never been allowed to.

When Dave recruited him to the team, he was too busy keeping him alive to realise how quiet Aaron could be.

When Derek joined, Aaron was too busy with keeping him in check and making sure he was safe.

And when Reid, Garcia and JJ joined, only a few months between each of them, Hotch had been forced to take the reins from Gideon and would not let anyone see him break.

Emily accused him of not being human enough, despite remembering the boy that had worked for her mother and hadn’t quite learnt how to hide the flinch that was reflexive with every slam of a door, and who wore his heart on his sleeve without even realising, so she never saw him break. Until Foyet.

His sadness crept up on them.

They would go hours, sometimes even days, convinced that he was fine. That he was coping, and moving forward, and okay. It was stupid and wishful thinking, they knew that, but they also believed that Hotch was perfect and invincible.

Reid thought he never blinked. JJ still remembers how he never seemed to lose it.

They would assume he was fine.

And then he wouldn’t smile at something. Or he would, but it would be a shadow of his usual joy and childish excitement. Or it wouldn’t quite reach his eyes, which would remain just as hollow and unfocused and dull as the day of the funeral. Or it would seem to cause him pain to even try.

He would suddenly shove his hands in his pockets. As though he could still feel the blood of Foyet, mixed with his own because Foyet was not and never had been weak, tainting it, despite all the care Derek applied when he wiped them clean. As though he was still in that house, terrified his son would hate him for taking his mother away. As though he couldn’t look at them without seeing the monster he had always known he would eventually become.

Or his voice would soften, just a little too much. His tone would change completely, and the person he was talking to would feel like a child going to the one person that always made them feel safe and seeing someone that could only try to be that good instead. His words would become quieter. Less concise. More calculated. Like he was walking the line between control and destruction.

There would be hesitation. Hotch’s confidence was often a facade, but it was a facade so strong that it even convinced profilers. Morgan had hated it when he first joined, scared his new boss was going to be someone that would stand up and play devil's advocate, but then he had realised the truth: he was just scared of being undermined. Reid had admired it then, and he admired it now.

He would hesitate, and it would remind them of everything he had lost. He would hesitate with his gun, and Morgan would panic because they had lost Gideon to the job, they couldn’t lose him too. He would hesitate with his pen, and Reid would frown, because Hotch’s reports were used for the trainees as perfect examples, and every word that he wrote himself was modelled after the reports from Hotch he had read after starting.

He would hesitate to touch his son and JJ would weep inside because she knew what it was like to be a child and to have a parent that wasn’t quite whole, knowing that there was nothing you could do to fix the situation because you weren’t the person they wanted.

There would be a slight clearing of his throat before he addressed the team about a case involving mothers, women, children, blondes. He would turn away, and one hand would quickly and furiously wipe at his eyes, before he turned back and acted like he was made of steel.

They would all see him reach for his phone on the harder cases, then freeze and place his hand elsewhere like his pocket was burning him. Dave, Derek, and even JJ would try and mention it, but Aaron always acted like he had no idea what they were talking about. Spencer and Penelope can’t even try and ask how he is before he starts distracting them with some random knowledge about their interests.

Neither genius is oblivious to what he was trying to do. They pretend to be for his sake.

Aaron’s sadness is not the explosion of grief the shows and movies had taught them to prepare for. It is not the beautiful road to healing the poems had caused them to hope for. It is not the simple and painless, cured by a single sleep event the books always make it out to be.

Aaron’s sadness is tired eyes, dark circles, shaking hands. It is sobs stifled at the most random and unplanned time. It is blank stares during conversations and it is slight smiles that expose his brain as being a million miles away. It is the sight of his left hand with a tan line where the ring had been removed two years ago.

It is the team, the family that wants nothing more to fix everything and make him better, having no idea what they are meant to do to help the man that has always held them and cradled them and protected them. It is them feeling like they have made a mistake with every unanswered text. It is the bitter acceptance that all they can do is hold him together until he is ready to take the first step.

It is Aaron Hotchner, not even knowing what he needs anymore and being too afraid to ask for words of assurance and love. It is Aaron Hotchner wearing his wedding ring to feel like a piece of Haley is still real and alive. It is Aaron Hotchner feeling lost and angry and numb and bitter and relieved all at once.

It is all of this. And yet somehow, it is still quiet.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #aaron hotchner #sad aaron hotchner #hurt aaron hotchner #hotch angst #hotch whump #tw grief #tw death #how the fuck do you tag things #sumayyah writes cm

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writerwrites · 3 years

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Yuánfèn | 03

Ch. 3: Saudade: “The feeling of longing for an absent something or someone that you love but might never return.”

Summary: When you’ve lost everything and try to run away from your problems, you keep finding a way back to the one person who completely understands. Can you make another person happy with a broken heart?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader Chapter Word Count: 4.2k Chapter Warnings: Slow burn, grief, fluff, domestic fluff is strong in this chapter... ALL THE FLUFF

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You hadn’t been sleeping, not really. Between bouts of crying over the piles of pictures and old love letters from the war, you were at a loss for words. A part of you was so mad at yourself for never getting to know your grandparents, not really, not on a level that truly meant something. You loved them and by the prideful placement of your graduation pictures on the coffee table by your grandmother’s reading nook there was no doubt they had loved you too or at least been proud of your accomplishments. You were no one to the world. No one thought about the person that patched up heroes and now the one person left with whom you may have been their world was also gone. You could only describe the feeling as being left adrift.

Adrift, what an odd, dark place to be. You mused in silence as you thought about life, time, and death. None of it seemed black and white to you. No one was wholly good or bad and even the flawed souls had people that cared about them at some point, conflicting as that may have been. You’d turn that thought over in your head, night after night, wine in one hand and pictures or letters in the other. It made you wonder how long it would be until you’d find a soul to remember you when you were gone, the act of having to replant yourself one that felt more like a chore than your tired body seemed to have energy for. The only person that seemingly connected to your entire existence now was a hundred-and-something year old patient that was adored by every person that knew even a fraction of his story. Every night, with that reminder in mind, you’d polish off your glass and curl up into a ball on the couch and wait for a couple hours of reprieve from the horrors of your solitary reality.

At odd hours, you and Steve would check in with each other. For the most part the pair of you had stuck to texting, you with your proof that you were eating and Steve with some balm that the team was still in one piece without you. To your surprise, he managed at least one short FaceTime every few days. This was a new and pleasant escape from your solitude that happened to include little introductions to food he’d never had and meaningless promises that you’d cook more in your tiny kitchen and bring him your leftovers to try. Maybe it was the way his face lit up when you managed to peak your head up from your bundle of hoodie and blankets, but it really felt like he understood and never judged you for how miserable you looked or for those moments where you’d simply fall silent mid-sentence. In fact, he never commented on your appearance at all. Two weeks and it felt like you learned more about him than you had in all the years as a doctor at Stark Industries.

You missed your job, kept telling him as much but Tony insisted you stay and get what you had to get done over with to prevent you from having to make multiple trips away. Stark may have claimed one thing, but your conversations with Steve made you suspicious of what he was getting into and how he was coping with Wanda’s vision. As if you were on some sort of mental health retreat. Steve wouldn’t say anything particular about it, but you noticed that his jaw went tight before commenting that there were no medical emergencies waiting for you and he’d tell you if there were. It was one of the least reassuring statements the soldier had ever given you and he seemed to notice the way your expression fell, getting off the phone awkwardly with an excuse that he remembered he had somewhere he needed to be.

Something told you that it would be the last time he would FaceTime you on your trip to Mallorca. Rather than let yourself get upset by that or hyper analyze the giddy feeling that settled in the pit of your stomach every time your phone lit up with his name, you busied yourself with all the things you should’ve been working on in the first place. It was the most productive day you’d had since getting there, but you managed to forget to both eat or slow down and rest. With little interest in laying down on the couch, still incapable of sleeping in your grandmother’s room, you decided to shower and head out to find something to eat at one of the dozens of little shops. The noise in your head was already wondering what Steve would say when you sent a picture of whatever you were eating and he realized you’d actually left the house for more than groceries or a meeting with the lawyer.

The late April air was warm and dry, a light breeze blew in the sweet scent of the Valencia red roses and lemon scented geraniums that lined the large balcony. As you towel dried your hair with a yawn, half tempted to collapse onto the couch as your stomach groaned with hunger, the doorbell chimed through the house. You looked down at the maxi dress you’d put on, a little wrinkled from being in the small suitcase, as your heart raced. You hadn’t been expecting anyone and no one had swung by to check on your grandmother, but you figured it was only a matter of time. This is fine, I’m glad she wasn’t alone, you chanted whispered over and over as you went to the door and pulled it open.

Steve rocked on his heels, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a small box wrapped in parchment paper and tied with a simple blue silk ribbon. He could hear footsteps inside and his gaze moved over the place. It wasn’t like any place he’d ever been before, more like something from a postcard, and he found himself eager to explore the streets he could hear voices coming from. Then he heard the rapid pulse and little pep talk on the other side of the door, causing the corners of his lips to turn up in a small smile. In possibly the worst attempt at a Spanish accent you’d ever heard, he managed a bashful, “Buenas tardes.”

With a gentle nudge to his shoulder, mostly to make sure you weren’t hallucinating, you managed to pick up your jaw and ask, “Tony finally send you out here to drag me back?”

“Nah, team had a lead and I want them to practice a little recon without me. I’m not too far from them and, I think, my friend needs me a little more than they need me.” He swallowed down his nerves and you tried not to stare at his Adam’s apple or the fresh stubble along his jaw. Instead you looked at the box in his hand. “Sam said this might help with the pictures and things.”

Slowly backing up you nodded for him to come in, watching him duck through the doorway that he easily filled, as you took the gift from his hand. Moving the blanket and pillow from the couch so you both could fit, you carefully opened what was a portable image scanner that would plug right into your computer. You hadn’t realized you were holding your breath, though he’d been watching you the whole time despite wanting to look around the place and he put a hand on your back, thumb rubbing across your spine as you let out a shaky breath. “It’s perfect.”

Nice things, little things, every little opportunity of letting yourself feel even a fraction of emotions seemed to make you fall apart. Steve noticed and took the gift from your hands, setting it gently on the coffee table next to your discarded laptop. “I didn’t get a breakfast or a lunch picture from you. Why don’t we go grab something to eat?”

For some reason you felt the immediate need to protest, but his hands were gently pulling you up from the couch and leading you back to the door. The sun stung your eyes when the door opened and there wasn’t a super soldier to block out the light, making you pull back into the house. Steve didn’t let go of your hand, waiting and trying to encourage you by brushing his thumb across your knuckles. “Okay.” You reassured yourself more than him, taking each step slowly as you let yourself be anchored by the man walking with casual purpose as if he knew where he was going. “Are we wandering or did you really memorize a map when you Googled the place?”

Steve smiled at you, a real smile that reached his eyes and you did your best to not cringe at how much your body naturally reacting with your own smile wracked you with guilt or how obvious it was that he knew by his fingers lacing through yours as he held on just a little tighter. Even when you turned down a little street you hadn’t explored and he pulled out a chair for you at a quaint little bistro you were still smiling. “So, I know what tapas are and with some googling this is supposed to be one of the best places for them.”

Time and again, something normal slipping from this man’s mouth couldn’t help but make you stare at him in awe. “Well, do you like spicy food? Tapas are great and patatas bravas are spicy. You can’t go wrong with the classic tortilla de patata though.” A waitress passed you both a menu and you ordered a café con leche and Steve politely nodded to have the same. “You know you just asked for espresso with milk, right?”

His face went a little pink as he admitted, “I thought café was coffee?” Attempting to hold in your laughter, the small sound that did escape you was muffled by the sound of melodic guitar pouring through the open doors and windows of the restaurant. “If I would’ve known that you were all alone in a postcard I would’ve asked Sam to check on Benton sooner.”

“Benton?” Your head tilted to the side as the waitress set your espressos between you and you processed, while asking her for a coffee with cream and sugar on the side.

“I told you that I’d end up naming your fish if you didn’t. Thomas Hart Benton is an American painter… pretty famous, but probably not an everyday kind of name if you aren’t really into the Regionalist art movement.” Steve waited until the waitress walked away before trying the espresso, his nose scrunching like a kid trying a sip of beer and finding out it tasted nothing like juice.

“You are full of surprises, aren’t you?” Hiding your smile behind your own espresso, you stole another glance at him, catching his bright blue eyes on you for just a moment before pulling away to the colorful scenery. “You’re lucky you showed up when you did. I was torn between a nap and finding something to eat.”

“Is the espresso so you don’t fall asleep on the table?”

Burying your face in your hands you tried to hide your embarrassment. “It’s not that I’m not ecstatic to see you or that you’re not amazing company.”

Your hands muffled your words and Steve reached over and pulled them down. “It’s fine. I understand. You can get your nap in after you eat something.”

To your surprise, he kept reaching out for your hand between bites and light conversation. By the time you were done eating the waitress was hovering, now seemingly aware of who he was. Despite the looks and flirting on her end, he kept his attention on you, insisted on paying, and walked you back to the house. A part of you thought you’d wake up from the dream when you walked through the door but he followed you, only letting your hand go to close the door. “There’s a lot of books to read. I’ll probably only sleep for like an hour.”

“Sleep as long as you need to, Darling. I can sit out here and read or if you’d like me to help scan things onto your computer, I could do that too.” Steve’s smile fell as you buried your face in your hands and started to cry. “Hey, I don’t have to touch a thing. Whatever you need.”

His arms wrapped around you when his attempts to gently pull your hands from your face failed. Just as he’d done before, one hand caressed your back and the other stroked your hair until you settled into the hug. “I’m sorry, you’re just being nice and I’m exhausted.” Craning your neck to look up at him, you caught the glimmer of tears in his own eyes. You didn’t have to wonder who he missed, knowing that probably every person he’d cared about was gone or moved on in the time he was frozen. “I’ve been sleeping on the couch.”

Steve took in a breath, trying to steady himself as he looked over at the couch, remembering the pillow and blanket you’d moved for you two to sit earlier. “This whole time? Is there not a bed?”

Swallowing you hid your face, “There’s a bed, but it smells like her.”

“C’mon.” Steve cautiously pulled you out of the hug, “Show me where it is. I’ll be your pillow and you can get some proper sleep.”

You were in shock; confused, physically and emotionally exhausted, and then he was taking your hand and pulling you toward his best guess at the direction of the bedroom. After opening the door to the bathroom and office, Steve pushed open the door to the bedroom. Reluctantly and barely over a whisper, you muttered a quiet, “Okay.”

He stepped out of his boots and climbed onto the bed, taking up nearly the whole thing, before he reached out for you. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” Nodding you climbed in next to him and he pulled you right into his chest. His thumb and palms wiped the damp from your cheeks before brushing your hair from your face. Steve waited, holding your face, gently brushing your jaw as you settled in at his side, your head far away from anything that could shock your senses with nostalgia and grief. “Comfy?”

It didn’t seem to matter that you had to hike your dress up to your knees or that ‘comfy’ meant your legs were tangled up in his. The blankets being under the pair of you didn’t seem to matter either, when you were warm against his abnormally warm chest that, despite being solid muscle, still felt more comfortable than the pillow you’d been resting your head on every night. Steve’s long broad frame dwarfed you, giving you the sense of safety you hadn’t felt since before you’d lost your family. His fingertips drew an invisible map across your bare arms and you hummed a nearly inaudible ‘mmhm’ as your eyes fluttered closed. There were a million things you wanted to tell him, but as he took you in his arms and seemingly unleashed the jar of butterflies in your stomach, you almost instantly fell asleep to the sound of his steady pulse under your ear while he engulfed you in the scent of clean laundry and bar soap.

Steve stayed by your side, as promised, and despite the time difference and the Quinjet negating typical travel time from the States to Europe, he found himself comfortable and exhausted. Maybe it was seeing how broken you were to be sitting in a space of memories, displaced by the absence of everything you held dear, something he knew too well; but he found himself incapable of slipping out of the bed or even moving to reposition you so that he could give you some blankets. Until this moment he’d chalked up all of his thoughts of you to Natasha’s pestering to ask someone, anyone, on a date. As his blue eyes closed, he replayed your smile in the sunlight at the table, the breeze blowing the scent of your shampoo and espresso at him. God, he thought as he drifted to sleep, he should’ve asked you to dance.

When you woke up, disoriented by the darkness and a soft blue-white glow over your head, you found Steve staring at his phone, free hand absentmindedly stroking your hair. Your arm was wrapped tightly around his and the sudden realization that you were clinging to him for dear life made you relax. He looked down at you surprised. “I really thought you’d sleep through the night. Are you hungry again? It’s only eight.”

It was painfully domestic and you hated yourself for not wanting to get out of bed. It felt too much like borrowed time and you nodded, hiding your face in his side as you tried not to think about the reality outside of these four walls where you both would eventually leave back to your respective jobs. The certainty that things would go back to how they were the moment you were back in Stark Tower felt like a new pain you weren’t ready to confront. “I can make-”

“We are both hungry.” He’d interrupted you with a sleep-laced haze to his quiet voice. “We’ll cook together.”

Propping yourself up on your elbow, you gave him a studied look. “Full of surprises.” Reluctantly climbing out of bed, you stretched, feeling his eyes on you as the dress fell down your thighs back to your feet. Steve slipped into the bathroom and you heard him immediately turn the water on. Trying not to think too much into it, you put on some music and started pulling out the fresh feta, garlic, basil, and tomatoes you’d picked out at the store.

When he was done, Steve leaned against the wall of the hallway, listening to you singing along to the song, the corner of his mouth turned up as he tried to not interrupt what looked like a little moment of happiness. He could hear Sam’s laugh when he walked into your apartment to pick up the key and see where everything was. It was a laugh he’d given Bucky when he tried to play off asking the prettiest girl in school was a bet and not because he really liked her; the laugh of a friend that knew the truth but was willing to let you feign ignorance a little longer.

When you turned around, you nearly dropped the pot of water and at least half of it splashed onto you. Steve waved his hands in an apology. “I can boil water. I’ll clean this up.” His hand brushed over the soft curves of your hips as he apologized and shooed you out of the kitchen.

The person that looked back at you in the bathroom mirror wasn’t the one you’d seen every day since your arrival- or even in the last three years. You looked rested, despite your hair being a bit of a mess, and the small smile that no longer made your face ache wouldn’t seem to subside. The voice in your head tried to scold you back to reality telling you that this was the most loyal and old fashioned man on earth and that if you hadn’t sent him your location and seemed like a mess for weeks he wouldn’t have shown up. Swapping one dress for another, trying to make your hair sit right, and putting on some tinted chapstick and mascara, you came out looking like a new person and found the kitchen deserted. “Steve?”

For a moment you felt like an idiot, thinking you may have literally dreamt up his presence out of boredom and loneliness. Then he stuck his head in through the balcony door, already talking. “It’s too nice to eat inside.” You watched him visibly pick up his mouth. “You look… I feel underdressed.” You wrapped your hands around yourself about to apologize and offer to change before he said, “No, no. You look beautiful. I’m just… I’ve never really seen you not in scrubs, y’know.” He scratched at his blonde hair and nodded to the balcony.

When you stepped out you found the pasta plated, wine poured, and silverware set neatly on napkins. He’d even picked a few of the roses and placed them in a small glass of water. “How long was I in there?”

With a shrug, Steve pulled the chair out for you and when you sat down and looked up at him, waiting for an answer that he didn’t give, you watched him hesitate before going to sit opposite you. Your tongue ran across your lips, more out of the butterflies wishing you had kissed him than the smell of the food making your mouth water. “So, what do Spaniards say instead of ‘bon appétit’?”

“I think, qué aproveche, but I grew up saying buen provecho.” Steve picked up his glass and you did the same. “Salud!” You cheersed, tapping your glass against his. At first you kept quiet, the pair of you digging in with hums of satisfaction, but as your leg started to bounce under the table you found the question you didn’t want to know the answer to pour past your lips, “Are you just waiting for the team to send the extraction message?”

Steve’s fork hung from his mouth a little and he swallowed. “Yes and no? I have the Quinjet, so I’ll have to get them when they’re ready, but it could be days or longer. It could mean that I need to grab the shield and get to work.” The reality of the danger the team was in with the Maximoff twins working for HYDRA wasn’t lost on him, but two things currently felt more important. First, he needed to find Bucky and do whatever he could to save him. Second, he couldn’t leave you to cope with your grief alone. He’d seen so many people lose someone they loved and though he’d initially told himself that this was his way of doing the same thing Tony had done to help a co-worker through an unbearable situation, Steve was slowly settling into the reality that he looked forward to any time of day you gave him. “But I wanted to be here for you and I know the team can handle following a few leads without me. However long you need me and the rest of the world doesn’t, you’ve got me.”

You bit your lip, eyebrows drawing together, still telling yourself this was Steve doing a favor for a friend and to not read into what he was saying. It hurt, but you felt yourself trying to put up a wall to stop yourself from seeing the kindness of someone you happened to find attractive as more than just kindness. For a moment, you stopped to sip the wine, take a few more bites, and calm down your nerves. Just as he’d done at the bistro, he reached his hand across the table, waiting for you to take it. “I still think that I need you.” Whatever this was, you knew he had given you the first manageable day since you went adrift with fresh grief.

He watched you take his hand, studying your small fingers and how they wrapped around three of his, clinging to him like you had in your sleep. “I still think you need me, too.” But he held it in, trying to focus on you and not confess that he thought maybe, for the first time since he woke up from the ice, he felt like someone really saw him.

The conversation was lighter from there and the two of you decided to walk the cobbled streets to where he’d left the Quinjet so that he could get his bag and gear. As you walked back, hand in hand, you slowed down as a young musician plucked out a beautiful and intricate song on his Spanish guitar. “Can we just… just for a moment. My grandparents would’ve never walked away from this.”

Setting his shield, conveniently hidden in a leather case, and his duffel bag next to the musician, Steve came back to you and held out his hand. “I have no idea how to dance to this, but I’d love to learn if you’ll give me a chance.”

It took every ounce of self-control to not bypass his hands and place yours on either side of his neck so that you could pull his mouth down to yours. A soft, nervous laugh passed your lips, “Full of surprises.” A boyish smile spread across his lips as he did his best to learn and three songs later, the two of you settled into the easy slow dancing that disregarded everything else around you, including time and the small crowd that had joined what, to all others, appeared to be two young lovers lost in their own world.

A/N: Thank you for reading! I’m still shooting for posting a new chapter every Sunday. I would love feedback from you. Do you think they’ll put up a wall before admitting they have feelings? Is someone going to crack first? What’s going to happen when they’re back at the little villa or Stark Tower? I’d love to know where you think this is going.

I mentioned this last time, but while I do keep Reader vague, I’m a Latina. If you know the history of Venezuela, then you also know its political climate in the last 30+ years has led to a mass diaspora, which is why Reader (who like me was raised in the U.S. with family abroad) has some different phrases than typical Spaniards for things. I hope that my Latinx readers don’t mind and that my non-Latinx readers will stick around.

Divider by the amazing @firefly-graphics

I will be reblogging with tags, send an ask if you’d like to be added either to the series or to my overall tag list.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #captain america x reader #captain america x you #fic: steve rogers #writer: writerwrites

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terramythos · 3 years

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TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 15 of 26

Title: Tehanu (Earthsea Cycle #4) (1990)

Author: Ursula K. Le Guin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Fiction, Third-Person, Female Protagonist

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 6/24/2021

Date Finished: 6/30/2021

Decades after The Tombs of Atuan, Tenar decided to settle down and live an ordinary life on the shepherding Isle of Gont. Now a farmer’s widow, she adopts a disfigured and horrifically abused child, who she names Therru. When a giant dragon deposits a grief-stricken Ged at her doorstep, Tenar finds herself in a strange situation as she cares for her old friend and her adopted daughter. But threats from Therru’s past and a malevolent force on the island soon threaten Tenar’s small family.

Despair speaks evenly, in a quiet voice.

Content warnings and spoilers below the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Violence and death. Mentioned murder. Severe child abuse. Descriptions of traumatic injury and disfigurement. Mentions of r*pe, including of children. Trauma, sexism, and ableism are explored in depth.

Tehanu is a much different book than the trilogy that precedes it. Perhaps this is unsurprising, considering the 17-year gap between this book and The Farthest Shore. I’d describe the Earthsea series as “grounded fantasy”. While all of them take place in a magical world, the thesis of each book is universal; the fantasy always comes second. Tehanu takes this idea to an extreme. The story is about everyday life as a common woman in the Earthsea world, with fantasy barely factoring in. The pacing is intentionally slow and introspective, which is something I normally don’t like, but Le Guin is a consistent exception.

Key characters from the previous books make an appearance. Obviously Tenar is the biggest return, absent since The Tombs of Atuan. The Tenar in this book is older and much more mature, having decided to live a simple life in spite of her adventures and accomplishments. Ged returns, but he’s a shell of his former self, as he mourns the loss of his magic and the man he used to be. Even King Lebannen (formerly Arren, the main character of The Farthest Shore) makes a brief appearance, and is quite a palate cleanser after the horrible men throughout the rest of the book.

Probably my favorite aspect of the novel is the fact that these characters stand well on their own without magic to prop them up. Tenar explored the terrifying freedom she won in The Tombs of Atuan; got married, settled down, had kids — but still finds herself at a loss on what to do with her life after her husband dies. Ged is in a similar boat; he’s gone from an almost mythic character to an ordinary man, and like Tenar finds himself at a crossroads in life. Other characters embody this idea of transformation and uncertainty; Therru’s escaped her abusers and now has a loving mother, but what does the future hold for someone with her appearance? Stuff like that.

The idea of metamorphosis and new beginnings is well-trodden. But what makes Tehanu interesting is Le Guin primarily examines this with the middle-aged characters. Tenar and Ged are legendary figures in the world of Earthsea, but life has taken them to an uncertain future. The thrust of the novel lies in finding a purpose and becoming someone new. I also like that Tenar/Ged is endgame; I got Vibes from The Tombs of Atuan, but neither character was in a position where it would work. Seeing them form a romantic relationship much later in life is touching and cute. But it’s not the reason that either of them grow as people; finding one’s purpose is something one has to do on their own. Their relationship only develops once both parties have done so.

My main complaint about A Wizard of Earthsea, the first book, is the sexism inherent in the setting, which is never examined below the surface level. Perhaps Le Guin’s outlook changed, or perhaps the publishing environment did, because often Tehanu reads like a response to this criticism. The central theme of the book is misogyny, the patriarchy, and its debilitating effects on women. Le Guin examines everything from micro-aggressions (“common wisdom” that happens to paint women as inferior) to domestic issues (“women’s work” and how much that actually is) to outright sexual assault (both in threats and actual acts; it is heavily implied this is part of the abuse Therru endured). She even goes into how powerful women are only considered as such because a man gave them that power.

While I appreciate the fact she addresses these issues in such a frank, blatant way, at times reading Tehanu felt like reading a basic feminism primer. These subjects are all things I’m familiar with, and I feel like anyone who’s studied key feminist ideas would be aware of them also. Maybe 1990 was different? Le Guin doesn’t add any insights to the bleak reality of patriarchy and sexism, which is a little disappointing compared to previous books. That being said, this book is aimed at young adults despite its dark subject matter. Tehanu could be the first exposure to these ideas that many children receive; looking at it that way, it makes sense that the analysis comes off as basic.

I also found the book’s examination of gender to be very cishet-normative. That’s definitely not surprising, considering the book was published in 1990, but to a 2021 reader this hasn’t aged super well. There’s a lot of discussion about the relationships and differences between men and women--whether there are any or not, how magic differs between them, the ability to bear children, and so on. There’s a weird sexual component to this, like how wizards (who are exclusively men) have to remain celibate in order to… keep being wizards? But women who are witches don’t have to do that, and that’s an advantage women have? (There’s mentions of male witches too, iirc, but it’s not expanded upon— do they have to remain celibate? Who knows.). I found this whole bit pretty odd and unnecessary, although I realize a lot of my perspective on the matter comes from a modern view of sex and gender (and, y’know, being trans). Not all the gender takes in the book are bad, but they are limited.

I found Le Guin’s exploration of trauma and ableism through Therru to be more interesting. There’s a lot of examination about how society treats Therru, a survivor of unspeakable abuse. Her trauma is visible due to severe burns along part of her body, leaving her with a missing eye and disfigured hand. Tenar spends much of the novel wondering what future Therru has; no matter how capable she is and how much she acts like any other little girl, strangers gawk at her, or assume she “deserved” what happened to her. Therru becomes happier and more independent over the course of the novel, but relapses into a traumatized state when she encounters one of her abusers. As a survivor, it’s heartbreaking and distressingly realistic. As much as I like Tenar, I almost wish the novel was from Therru’s perspective (other than the brief jump at the end), but I realize it would spoil the ending.

I’m torn on the ending because, while I thought it was cool and had some interesting revelations, it’s a jarring tonal shift. As I mentioned, Tehanu is a slow novel with a heavy focus on everyday life, and the trials and tribulations both Tenar and Therru experience. There’s even a climactic event a few chapters before the end; the only thing left is a persistent loose thread from earlier in the novel. That subplot explodes to the forefront a bare chapter and a half before the end of the book, and a lot of action-y fantasy stuff happens. It doesn’t come out of nowhere; it’s set up throughout the novel, but it is sudden.

That being said, I do like that the subplot with dragons vs humans is hinted at as early as The Tombs of Atuan. When Tenar tells the legend about the origin of dragons early in the story, my mind immediately went to that one room from the Labyrinth with the sad winged humanoids painted on its walls. I’m curious if there are hints elsewhere in the series. I also figured out Therru’s true name and how she relates to that subplot based on context clues. While it’s not a shocking twist, it is a satisfying one. Though parts of it gave me a “magical destiny” vibe which is counter to much of the series so far; I do wonder how the last two books will address this. (Also… did Le Guin imply Kalessin is Segoy? AKA God? What did she mean by this. So Ged literally like… hitched a ride from God, who promptly yeeted out of the story until the end? That’s kind of funny. Maybe I misinterpreted something.)

I probably sound critical of this book, but I did genuinely enjoy it. It just didn’t speak to me the way the previous two did. The next book is a short story collection before the conclusion to the series, so we’ll see where it goes! Tehanu set some stuff up that I expect will be expanded upon in these volumes.

#8/10 #taylor reads #2021 reading challenge

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angieschiffahoi · 4 years

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hi, do you think thobm is byg?

Hey! I think I already commented on this, but I can’t find the post/ask.

The short answer is: no. It is not.

But why?

The BYG trope is connected to the history of cinema and, in the same way the “villanous gay character” is, they come from years of following Hollywood’s strict direction. James Somerton on YouTube did a wonderful series on the history of queerbaiting and queer monsters, that I suggest you watch. Everything about why certain tropes came to be is explained in a very clear and very thorough manner. I’m not going to go in detail, but if you’re interested in seeing how the Hays Code from the 1930s still affects cinema and television, I suggest you check those videos out.

What’s important for this question about the Hays Code is that, since homosexuality was a sexual perversion and it was prohibited on screen, the only way for gay people to be shown on television was for them to be villains, victims of unrequited love for straight characters and they had to die, because their perversion existed and had to be punished.

Death was a punishment for being gay.

Nowadays, no producer would sanely greenlight a show that has this explicit message, but the tropes associated to this concept of punishing gay people for being gay became tropes of the genre. That means, gay characters are still seen as tragic figures and they die. A lot. Often, without ever truly being happy, by their own hand or right after they found some happiness. Oh, and the deaths tend to be meaningless and have no impact on the story, except to further straight characters’ storylines. These are all tropes that are still commonly used even by well intentioned creators, because they don’t know any better (or at least they didn’t until a few years ago and we all know why they’re more careful now).

The thing is that it’s not inherently evil to kill a gay character. The same way it is no inherently evil to kill a woman or a character of color or a trans character.

The first thing to keep in mind when a character who isn’t cis white male and straight dies is: why? The second is: how? And the third is a bit longer and it has to do with how the character was treated while they were alive:

Did this character have their own arc? Was this character used as a token? Was this character here as a publicity stunt? Was this character sexualized? Was this character chastized? Was this character just part of the scenery, shelved until useful for ‘woke points’? Was this character continuously advertised but only shown in one or two episodes? Were the trailers focusing exclusively on them, but then the actual episode/movie had them for five minutes? Did they die because their arc ended or was it for shock value or to make a straight person sad and give them an arc? Was their death especially crude and gory? Was their death sexualized?

In summary: was this character treated respectfully and the same way as the straight, cis, white, male counterparts?

The key word is respect.

Dani’s death in The Haunting of Bly Manor didn’t forward anyone’s story but her own. She wasn’t killed just after finding love with Jamie: they had a beautiful happy life together. Her death was tragic but meaningful and completely in character. That woman, who was shown to be self-sacrificing and caring in life, died because her own actions and her own choices and her own sacrifice lead her to that death. She died to protect the woman she loved and to protect a child she cared for and about. Her death wasn’t spectacularized; there was no torture, no gore, no violence. Only the tragedy of the love of her life finding out.

And, yes, we are shown how that love-in-death affected those people she sacrificed herself for. And, yes, some of those people were straight. But her memory was honored until the very last frame. She wasn’t used and then discarded. This was her story and she had complete agency through and through. Even if her death benefited some straight characters, the purpose was not to give them a story to cry and have issues over.

Dani’s death didn’t follow any of the tropes associated with BYG. Her story wasn’t a publicity stunt (it wasn’t even advertised!). Dani & Jamie’s relationship was lovely and loving and soft. It wasn’t sexualized nor so chaste they kiss out of frame.

Everything about this story, concerning Dani & Jamie, was respectful, in my opinion.

Gay characters (and I use this term as an umbrella the same way I used it throughout this answer) should be allowed to die on screen.

Gay fans should be allowed to have beautiful and respectful stories about death and grief. Gay fans should be allowed to grieve gay characters.

Authors and creators, especially if LGBT+, should feel safe when they decide to kill a character, as long as they do their research, avoid harmful tropes, love those characters the same way they would love straight ones and give them a journey that leads to a meaningful death.

[In this answer, I am only referring to Dani & the BYG trope. I’m not sure the WOC in this show were treated with the same respect. I am white and I don’t want to speak over people of color, but I am very curious to know what fans of color especialy thought of Hannah & Rebecca’s deaths.]

#the haunting of bly manor #haunting of bly manor #dani clayton #dani x jamie #hbom spoilers #spoilers #anon #anon ask #reply #angie rants #long post

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beevean · 4 years

Text

Expanding on the endings of Shadow The Hedgehog

Because this games has too many endings and it’s clear they were written in 5 minutes, but in some cases I really want to know what would happen next.

Pure Dark-Dark: Shadow has been consumed by grief and rage, to the point that he doesn’t care about Black Doom’s real plan of enslaving humanity: he wants to exterminate them and destroy the damn planet. If he succedes, probably by using the fully powered Eclipse Cannon, he’ll live the rest of eternity on the ARK, maybe contented at first for fulfilling his purpose, but then feeling empty and alone. But what about Black Doom, who’s seeing his new puppet ruining his plans? Maybe he gets killed along with the humans...

Pure Dark-Hero: Shadow is only slightly less cruel in this ending. Yes, he turns his back to Black Doom to help his best friend, but it’s only to get the Emeralds for himself, too far gone to actually care about their old friendship. WIth a god complex the size of a galaxy, he decides on a whim to conquer the universe (or in the Japanese version, just the Earth, which is a more feasible plan), possibly replacing Black Doom. And considering he still thinks his mission is to “ensure peace and justice amongst all of mankind”, things aren’t looking so well for humanity... So it’s very similar to the consequences of the previous ending, but the people on Earth may be kept alive, ruled by an unjust, resentful dictator.

Semi Dark-Dark: Self-explainatory, this is the ending where Shadow pledges his loyalty to Black Doom. After the victory of the Black Arms, he becomes the overlord’s right hand, helping him to enslave humanity and other planets. This can’t be a good fate for Shadow, though - Black Doom doesn’t care about anything or anyone, not even his offspring, so who knows how he’d treat Shadow now that he has given him what he wanted... it’s not like he has any other place left to go anyway.

Semi Dark-Hero: This is the equivalent of Knuckles’ ending in Sonic Adventure (funny as he is the last person he helps here): Shadow gains literally nothing from his journey, simply reaching the conclusion that he doesn’t need anyone’s help, and he doesn’t need to help anyone. He stops fighting in the war, but the Black Arms will likely win in the end thanks to Shadow’s previous help. Also, Eggman is killed, but in this ending it barely matters. Shadow’s selfishness at the very last second dooms humanity regardless.

Neutral-Dark: This ending is the most ambiguous. Shadow betrays Eggman at the last minute to vow to surpass the “original” Shadow. How does he plan to do so is uncertain. With Shadow refusing to join the war (or having helped both G.U.N. and Black Doom equally), there’s no way to predict the winner. On top of that, Eggman is dead, which is a good thing in the grand scheme of things as he’s a persistent terrorist, but he was helping the heroes fight the Black Arms off... and I can’t imagine Sonic being too happy that Shadow of all people uncerimoniously killed his archenemy. This ending has Shadow living a lie, with no one to tell him that he’s completely off-base.

Neutral-Hero: Shadow, with Omega’s help, vows to topple Eggman and create a robot empire (wonder if they’ll include Metal Sonic in the gang). Interesting at first, but the fact that Shadow is not one of them has to come out sooner or later... Of course, what I just said about the war’s fate being uncertain and Eggman’s death applies here as well. In the end this ending is almost identical to the previous one, but at least he has an ally here... an ally who’s probably more concerned about destroying the last Eggman’s robots that to set Shadow straight.

Semi Hero-Dark: Another ending that can be equated to Knuckles’ fate, for some reason. Shadow decides to be the ARK’s guardian to atone for his perceived sins, and for once he spares Eggman. He stops fighting in the war, but G.U.N. will likely win in the end thanks to Shadow’s previous help... and also because Black Doom will now have to go through Shadow to use the Eclipse Cannon, and it’s likely he’ll fail. All is well, but it’s implied that Shadow will never see his old friends again, completely alone up in the ARK, and Eggman has no reason to tell anyone else where he is.

Semi Hero-Hero: Another self-explainatory ending. It’s heavily implied Shadow commits suicide due to the sheer guilt over being created (there’s even a path that’s called “Shadow’s Second Death...?”). Sure, G.U.N. will eventually win against the Black Arms, but at what cost? Sonic, Rouge and everyone else will experience grief for Shadow for the second time in a short span of time.

Pure Hero-Dark: This ending is the most random, with Shadow betraying Sonic at the last minute simply to prove himself the strongest hedgehog... but realistically spekaing, Shadow refused to help Sonic, and instead helped Black Doom protect the Black Comet from G.U.N.’s attacks, therefore delaying the victory against them, and fought the Commander and his Diablon, for extremely selfish and petty reasons. His actions make no sense and he just proved himself to be an unstable, untrustworthy ally, and even after G.U.N.’s victory, they’re not going to forgive him any time soon.

Pure Hero-Hero: This ending directly continues into The Last Story and the rest of the series, as this is the only canonical ending. Not much to add here.

#sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #shth #so i'm in a shth mood #and i really want to fix this game #sorry for not being able to make the neutral endings sound interesting #i really wish they put more care into the morality system #we could have had a proto undertale #also sorry for the uneven quality of the images but hey it reflects the game's :V

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lycheesodas · 3 years

Note

Different anon but I'm interested in that list 👀

aaaaa ok!! here we go

from the / tag:

Beneath a Young Sun and in the Eagle's Shadow by Strigimorphaes, G, 5.2k words

Beleg has been away for some time, guarding the border, killing orcs and generally living the rough life. Meanwhile, Mablung has been staying at Doriath's court. Once reunited, they are sent away to the Mereth Aderthad, but despite being headed for a joyful feast, Beleg still sees danger everywhere. Mablung tries to convince him that for once, there is some hope for this strange, changed world - and a chance for a peaceful moment or two in the wilderness.

We’re starting off with my favourite!! The entire atmosphere here is just so dreamy, so whimsical.. I love it. Pretty serious but also fluffy! And optimistic ; w ;

Hurry with the swift current by LiveOakWithMoss, T, 1k words

Beleg is foolish, Mablung is furious, both are wet.

Short! Cute! Really funny aljsdfk this is so,, in character for them imo. The last line always fckin HITS

The Black Sword by elfscribe for tehta, M, 12.4k words

Mablung sees a strange portent that causes him to fear that his beloved friend Beleg's affection for Túrin, the self-exiled young warrior, could bring grief to them all.

One of two (2) fics on this list with a rating higher than T. Missing scene, canon-compliant so.. a lot of angst. I normally don’t read first person POV but this is really quite good! It’s one of the longer fics that take on their last parting ; ~ ; and I think the author did an excellent job of exploring their feelings and how they each came to their decision on what to do. Also, just putting it out there, the M rating is for a short smut scene in mid chapter 2.

(Uhh there was another one but I think the author has it set on private now 😭)

Moving on to the & tag!! Because friendship fics also slap

All The King's Horses by Nauthril, M, 44.3k words

Beleg felt, more than saw the projectile that struck with a sickening thuck sound into the larger part of his thigh. Someone cried out in pain and surprise, and he vaguely realized it may have been him.

The Elf went to yank the dart from his leg, only to find that it was barbed, designed to let its venom overwhelm the victim before it could be quickly removed. The more subtle effects of the spike were nearly immediate, effecting his fine motor skills.

His right thigh burned fiercely with every pulse of his heart.

Fighting the urge to keep his own two feet from tangling with his steps, the Beleg made every effort to at least stand upright.

Or:

Beleg fails to return to Menegroth for Túrin’s birthday celebration. Mablung and Túrin set out to find him and bring him home.

A LONG FIC.. A LONG, CHAPTERED FIC!!!!! I felt like I won the lottery when I saw this hrhfsldfjk It’s an action adventure with multiple POV’s and it’s just really freakin good ok, I am absolutely living for that resolution in chapter 7. The relationship between all three main characters are handled really well! I think it’s gonna be part of a series too so HYPE!!! I wish there was like a follow or subscribe button on ao3 so I’ll know when the author would upload next ; 0 ; (EDIT: THERE IS ONE BUT I JUST NEVER FUCKING SAW IT LMFAO) Also, mind the warning tags here! Slight spoiler: it was an original side character so it wasn’t very front and centre but it could still bother some people

A Quiet Moment by Nauthril, G, 1.6k words

A Yuletide fic for the season. Beleg returns from the Northern Marches and shares some quiet moments with Mablung.

I know tis not the season but it’s so cute.. And honestly it’s immersive enough to make you feel like it’s actually Christmas! The banter, the gift exchange, the way they’re so comfortable with each other ; w ; This warms my heart <3

Parting by @glowingmechanicalheart right here on tumbler dot com

It’s literally six sentences but they’re such efficient sentences. It’s so clear and so sad because we know what happened in the end ; ~ ; it’s really what I was trying to convey with this piece!

The next two are by the same author on AO3!

Battle Worn But Going Home by GlowingMechanicalHeart, T, 1k words

The battle rages, hard and brutal. And it’s going to end badly, Mablung can tell already. Something feels off, like Belegûr is holding back, mocking their armies and their dead. Beleg stands side to side with him, and that is a comforting thought for him.

And then it happens, a betrayal from their own side and the battle grows worse.

Everything about the Fifth Battle is just pain...... I always wondered how those two handled it, though :0 And this fic gives us a glimpse of that. I really like how this author handles Mablung’s POV!

Mourning a Friend by GlowingMechanicalHeart, T, ~700 words

Mablung does his best to not to worry, if anyone can take care of himself, it’s Beleg. But his thoughts and emotions betray him, his whole being is screaming at him that Beleg is in danger, to run forth, find his friend and bring him to the safety of Doriath.

THIS FIC. I’M- I HAVE NO WORDS JUST READ IT 😭 Incredibly sad but well-written take on how Mablung finds out about Beleg’s death. Absolutely heartbreaking, I love it.

Now for some stuff outside the relationship tags because I'm literally that desperate.

Within a Dark Wood by Marchwriter, T, 7.7k words

"The tale of Túrin is known to many of this company… but…tonight is not the night to tell it. So I will tell you another tale. One that, perhaps, not even the eldest amongst our little company has yet heard." So the storyteller began…

Story within a story, which is always cool imo! Follows Beleg and Mablung from their first meeting to their last parting and a little bit after Beleg’s death ; w ; THE YEARNING..... it’s palpable. This one really tugs at my heartstrings because it made me think of what could have been (within the scope of the fic) if they’d just been honest with their feelings

The Two Hunters by theeventualwinner for Lunarium, G, 1.3k words, no summary ;;

Cute friendship fic!! Somehow full of hope in a time when the dark forces are growing. I like how it captures the difference in their personalities and approach towards life(?) but how they’re still close friends

And that’s basically my full reading list of my favourite marchwardens! They’re such an underrated pair (as best friends?? boyfriends? either way they’re soulmates 😤) that there’s not a lot of fics about them. I do my best with creating my own content but I’m more of an artist than a writer XD But they’re really starting to force my hand here.

I hope you guys enjoy my recs! Also, thanks anon and previous anon for reminding me to log back in to my AO3 account so I can leave a proper review soon 💀

#Anonymous #answered #tolkien #silmarillion #beleg #mablung #lychee's fic recs #as you can see it's literally only 3 in the actual ship tag #i spent almost two hours putting this together it's so late now omfg #i am going to SLEEP

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theladysexpistol · 4 years

Note

I saw your request for requests! Can I have a Kakyoin X Reader? Anything fluffy would do it ^^

Don’t get me wrong part 5 is probably my favorite part in jojo (so far) but I’m so excited to get a request for a different part! Especially for my favorite character in Stardust crusaders! 🍒

I hope you don’t mind me doing a part 4 Kakyoin? My irl Jojo friends and I have been talking about Kakyoin in part 4 a lot lately so he’s on my mind 😬

This got much longer than I intended - sorry, not sorry?

Side note I’ve been using Kakyoin’s theme in my homebrew dnd campaign. why is Kakyoin’s theme still the best Jobro theme to exist ever? 🤩

~~~

Bright, midmorning sunlight filtered into the kitchen of your small city home. You were cooking to get your mind off the absence of your husband, but you weren’t as successful as you would have liked. Your hands were trembling.

Of course, you trusted the word of Noriaki Kakyoin, the man you had chosen to spend the rest of your life with, as well as that of Jotaro Kujo, his best friend. But the bombshell the two of them had dropped on you, along with everything else they had decided to explain, had your head spinning. Kakyoin had probably wanted to spend a little more time with you, to ease your worries further; but Jotaro had insisted it was urgent. And that, it was, you had to agree. But the thought of either of them getting hurt - or worse - wouldn’t leave your mind.

You had basically grown up with Jotaro, only a few streets away from his home. You both attended all the same schools. He had always counted you among his small group of friends, on account of how you neither fawned over him like most girls nor were you interested in fighting him in a vain attempt to become popular like most boys. Several of his fan girls did not like you because of this, but it never bothered you. In fact, you found some entertainment in watching him groan even after being pushed aside by his groupies.

But the transfer student that Jotaro returned with from a long, unexplained absence in the middle of your third year of high school was another story.

Both of them were covered in bandages under their uniform, and both avoided any questions as to their condition. You and Kakyoin hit it off immediately, and in fact your feelings for him emerged quite quickly. The two of them became your closest friends, but there was alway something there, something you could feel but could never quite place, something that the two of them had in common that you didn’t have.

When all three of you graduated, Jotaro left to study marine biology abroad. Suddenly you were spending more and more time with Kakyoin, and your silly childhood crush blossomed as you fell in love with him. By the time Jotaro returned to see the two of you in Japan, he was more irritated than ever.

“Good grief you two, I was hoping you would’ve gotten together by now.” he had said. It had been mortifying, but in a way it was a blessing. After all, that was how you and Kakyoin had gotten together. Even as Jotaro dated, then married a woman he had met in America, had a beautiful baby girl, and continued his studies, you and Kakyoin remained together.

Kakyoin had informed you when Jotaro returned to Japan from New York where he had been visiting his ailing grandfather, but that he would not be able to visit the two of them for some time as he was investigating a series of odd family events in a small town called Morioh. You were disappointed but thought nothing of it; until Jotaro showed up in your living room.

“I’m going to need your help,” he told Kakyoin. “I can’t handle a serial killer-Stand user alongside a handful of high schoolers and a manga artist.”

“A what?!” you exclaimed. Both men looked at you after your outburst as though they had forgotten you were there. “Stand user? A serial killer? Jotaro, you’re the strongest person I know but this still isn’t your responsibility... shouldn’t you go to the police?”

Per habit, Jotaro sighed, tugging his hat over his eyes. “Good grief... I forgot you don’t know about Stands.”

Kakyoin smiled, but you could tell his smile was strained; forced, on your behalf. “You’re not usually one to slip up like that, Jotaro.”

“Both of you! Tell me what’s going on!” you demanded, getting frustrated. They were both acting as though this was nothing, as though they dealt with serial killers normally!

Finally, after some more frustrated convincing, the two of them explained everything. Dio, and Jotaro’s mother, the involvement of Jotaro’s grandfather and Avdol and Iggy and Jean Pierre Polnareff and their absence from school as they traveled to Cairo in order to put an end to their suffering. They explained how all along they’d had spirit guardians called Stands at their sides, and how their Stands had watched over you, too. Tears pooled at your eyes as they explained how Kakyoin had nearly fell to the same fate as Avdol and Iggy at the hands of the vampire, but by some miracle he had survived. But before you could fully comprehend everything they had told you, the two men had left for Morioh.

Honestly, it was all unbelievable. If it hadn’t been Kakyoin and Jotaro, the two people you trusted most in the world, who explained all this madness to you, you probably wouldn’t have believed it. But the existence of Stands made sense; that was the thing they had always shared, that unexplainable presence you sensed between the two of them. So you had to believe the rest of it; and Stands, they sounded wondrous; but dangerous in the wrong hands. And the two of them had just willingly returned to Morioh to hunt down a person using their Stand to deliberately kill people.

The more you thought about it, running through every event they had described to you in detail - on top of Jotaro’s young relative Josuke - who was technically his uncle? God, it was all confusing - the harder you trembled. Kakyoin, the most precious person to you in the world, had almost never survived. You imagine every happy moment he had brought you - your wedding, meeting Jotaro’s daughter, buying the house together - and it’s almost too much to bare.

A face full of smoke breaks you out of your revere.

“Shit!” you exclaimed, having become so lost in your thoughts and your worry that you burned what had been cooking on the stove in front of you. All the pent up frustration and emotions are released upon this mistake, like popping the cork off a bottle of champagne. You collapse in the kitchen in tears. Kakyoin had left about a week ago, and yet you didn’t think you could stand another moment away from him.

You sat there on the kitchen floor for who knows how long. At some point, the soft ringing of the telephone caught your attention. You weren’t sure how long it had been ringing for, so you pulled yourself together the best you could and picked it up without looking at the number. “Hello?”

There was a familiar sigh on the other line, before the one voice that would normally fill your heart with warmth answered. “It’s so good to hear your voice. I hope you’ve been all right.”

But now, it just filled you with worry and longing, and you struggled to keep your voice from cracking. “Noriaki, I can’t stop thinking about everything. I can’t stand this, knowing where you two are.”

“I’m so sorry,” he replied, sounding disappointed. “But I will be okay, I promise you. Josuke, he is Joseph’s son that Jotaro told us about; he and his friends are quite talented Stand users. They want to protect their town. It reminds me of Jotaro and myself, on our journey to Egypt.”

You could hear the smile in his voice. It was the first thing that soothed your worried heart.

“Noriaki,” you said, after the two of you had talked for some time; mostly listening to him talk about Morioh, and what a wonderful city it was, potentially for raising children; once this mysterious serial killer was taken care of. “Let me come visit you. Just for a week, and I’ll stay safe, I promise. I feel like I’ll feel better once I meet everyone, once I see the city for myself. It’s just that... well, ever since you told me how close to death you had been before we even met, it’s all I can think about. You, dying, against this horrible person.”

“I’m sure they don’t even hold a candle to Dio,” he gave a bitter chuckle, as if knowing what a terrible thing a joke like that would do to your heart. “I’ll... let me think about it and talk it over with Jotaro, okay? You can’t see Stands. That’s what makes this guy so dangerous.”

Your heart clenched. “Okay.”

“I love you.”

You hung up the phone, and immediately went to your bedroom with a suitcase. As soon as the idea had came to your mind, you were already set. You weren’t going to give him time to think it over. Before leaving for the train station, you only emailed Jotaro of your plans.

And when you checked your email on the train, you were unsurprised by his short reply. It honestly made you smile a bit.

Good grief. I’m not sticking up for you.

The train arrived at Morioh Station early in the morning. As you descended the steps to the station, you could see several students of differing ages all waiting for the bus. You were immediately charmed by the quaint, peacefulness of the town.

And then you remembered the dark secret lurking in the shadows of the cheery buildings, and fear gripped your heart once again.

Making your way toward the taxi stop, you were careful not to accidentally bump into anyone. It was honestly even more terrifying than you could have imagined, the idea that any of the people around you - laughing and smiling to their friends or dressed in a fine suit, speaking loudly on the phone as they headed to work for the day, even the friendly gentleman driving the taxi that came to take you to the Grand Hotel - could be the one killing innocents with a spirit they couldn’t see. You wondered what their victims knew in their last moments, what they felt as they were killed by an unseen enemy.

You could practically hear your heartbeat in your ears as the hotel loomed over the city street. You just had to get there. Kakyoin would probably be furious with you, but you would be safe. Jotaro knew you were coming. He’d know not to let Kakyoin leave.

You bounded up the steps of the hotel so fast you nearly forgot to pay the taxi driver. The Morioh Grand Hotel was beautiful, living up to its name; it would almost be romantic if your husband wasn’t staying there in order to catch a murderer with supernatural powers.

The woman at the front desk, prim and well-dressed, greeted you immediately. “How may I help you?”

“Ah, I um- I’m waiting to meet someone here... you haven’t seen two men, one with a white hat and the other with ginger hair leave, have you?”

The receptionist looked as though she were about to explain “We can’t give away details of our guests, for security reasons you know.” when someone called your name indignantly. You turned to find just who you were looking for, a bewildered-looking Kakyoin and an exasperated, but amused, Jotaro.

Kakyoin swept you up into a tight hug, before planting a kiss on you. Despite obviously being frustrated that you had made your way to Morioh on your own, it was also clear he was just as relieved to see you as you were him.

“I should be furious right now,” he mumbled into your ear. “But I’m glad to see you.”

“One week, Noriaki,” you whispered back. “Give me one week. That’s all I need.”

When he pulled away, you beamed up at Jotaro. He mumbled something under his breath, something that wasn’t hard to take a guess at, before Kakyoin spoke up again.

“I hate to be the paranoid husband but... I’d prefer it if you didn’t leave the the hotel by yourself,” he gave a sigh. “I want to keep you as far away from danger as I can.”

“There’s a simple solution, you know,” Jotaro said with a smirk on his face and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he continued walking toward the door to the hotel. Presumably, the two of them had been leaving to meet with Josuke and the others. You grabbed a hold of Kakyoin’s hand, intent on going with them to meet these other Stand users. “Make sure they never leave your side.”

~~~

[A/N: This fic is already so super long I know... I just wanted to add that after I wrote all the stuff about the reader being scared that any of the people they passed on the street being the killer... well I was this close to putting in a Kira cameo at the end where he noticed that the reader had such beautiful hands, with a beautiful golden ring holding an emerald in the center (kakyoin, emerald splash, obviously) but decided against it because this fic WAS supposed to be fluff... probably a little more angst than you were expecting but i hope you all liked it! i spent my entire shift at work today imagining what i was going to write!]

#bree writes #jojo fanfiction #kakyoin x reader #noriaki kakyoin #part 4 kakyoin #have yall seen the fanarts?#theyre amazing every single ONE #we were robbed #sidenote im really interested in part 4 kakyoin/shinobu kawajiri #so if thats a thing youre interested in talking about do hmu #request 💖#long ass fic im sorry

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spnfanficpond · 4 years

Text

March Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE MARCH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @wingedcatninja

Static (series) by @peridottea91

peridottea91 is going to single-handedly convert me to like series. I just re-read this gem and had to share it. In another life, she could have been a writer on the show, she’s so good at getting the characterization right for our boys. This OC, too, is an intiguing, layered personality that adds an extra dimension of mystery. And the whole story is perfectly woven in with canon. Two thumbs up. A must read.

Wish (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

It’s just a drabble, but it made me feel so many things in so few words. I don’t even know what to say about it, other than it’s brilliant and if you love Dean Winchester, you have to read it.

Bad Medicine (oneshot) by @deanwandamons

This was lovely, and hot, and it made me giggle.

Nominated by @risingphoenix761

Because You’re Worth It (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

I love a good crack fic, and I love some good Samwena content, so this is right up my alley. And a great mix of funny and fluffy!

Kings Don’t Kneel (oneshot) by @slytherkins

Few things in fic give me as much joy as Tara writing Crowley, and she hits all my favorite spots in under a thousand words. Struggling with emotion is hard enough for an unfeeling demon, but grief and loss–and the pain of knowing those emotions are unacknowledged–are enough to bring anyone to their knees. Beautiful and succinct, and all the angst!

Nominated by @peridottea91

Heaven (oneshot) by @evansrogerskitten

This fic is so beautifully written and just really captures Dean’s personality while still smacking you in the face with the most amazing “and then I saw her” moment!! Best still my heart!!! And the whole SamxEileen subplot!! The whole fic is just *chef’s kiss*

Nominated by @impala-dreamer

The Sun (oneshot) by @crashdevlin

It’s just amazingly beautiful. Short, sweet, and full of wonderful emotion. I loved every single word.

Nominated by anonymous

Dive In With Me (oneshot) by @sp-oops

This was a gorgeous, genuine account of the reader and Sam finally, FINALLY crossing that hurtle.

Coming Home (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock

Lou builds us a story with such detail and precise ache that we forget to breathe. She teaches Dean, repeatedly, that he deserves to be happy.

Shackled (series) by @itmighthavebeenintentional

Val started her Demon!Dean x OFC series like a building storm. Miriam Bard is a fellow hunter, another older sibling with more internal demons than she cares to name. Sam calls her in on an old favor. Before long she doesn’t know if anything is real or who she can trust. Dark fic, so good!

Shattered Breaths (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

Nicole dove deep for this kink bingo fill, and it is well worth every word. See how the Omega reader learns to trust the Winchesters and just what it takes for them to give up protecting themselves and lean into possibility.

Nominated by @the-girl-who-runs-with-winchesters

Devil May Care (oneshot) by @becs-bunker

This was such an interesting plot idea and amazing storytelling. Not that I had expected anything less from this talented author, of course.

Rough Ride (oneshot) by @luci-in-trenchcoats

A fun quick and very heated oneshot that made me smile at the end :)

All About Lovin’ You (oneshot) by @deanwanddamons

You know me, I can never let a month pass without diving into some angst, nor can I resist praising a fellow guppy for their amazing work. And this one’s got both! I got sucked in right from the start. It goes from heartbreaking to heartwarming, and from hot right back to sweet.

It’s About Time (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

I randomly came across this one and it made me smile so much. Probably one of the most inventive ways to play matchmaker that I’ve heard so far.

Nominated by @dontshootmespence

For Better or For Worst (series) by @stusbunker

She does intrigue like no one else and doesn’t get the love she deserves!

Marked (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

This is so fucking vivid it's ridiculous. There's smut, there's angst, there's sweetness and it's all maddeningly good.

Nominated by @negans-lucille-tblr

Desire (onsehot) by @princessmisery666

This fic is the very definition of smangst and I loved every second of it. The fact Stacey claims she can’t write smut baffles me when I read this fic 😍

Dirty Little Secret (series) by @pink1031

Whenever I’m asked what my all time favourite fic is it’s this one. I didn’t read rpf before this but it pulled me in and I’m so glad it did! It was just incredible and gave me my obsession with the idea of dating J2.

Nominated by @lovetusk

Me Likey & We are real (oneshots) by @impala-dreamer

They were both fantastic and on point. Drunk Dean is a rare and beautiful sight, and there’s nothing I love more than comforting a down and out Sammy. Well done.

Nominated by @impalaimagining

Currently Thinking About Jensen... (oneshot) by @negans-lucille-tblr

This is such a short and effective little piece of smut. The way it teeters on the edge of absolutely and filthily inappropriate puts it on a whole new level of dirty. I am a huge fan of last-line punches to the face no matter what the genre is, and that’s exactly what this is. It leaves you begging for more in the most desperate way. It’s a quick read but it gets the job done.

Midnight Confessions (oneshot) by @katymacsupernatural

I love the way this fic has the reader second guessing herself even though she has no recollection of doing anything to upset the guys. I’m always here for an appearance from Sam to push his stubborn brother and their bunkmate in the right direction. Admittedly, I am a sleep-talker, and I’ve said my fair share of embarrassing things (including yelling at my husband about wanting a grilled cheese at 3am), but if I could just once have something I said in my sleep get me a kiss from Dean Winchester? Hell yes.

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

Coming Home (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock

This is a beautiful heart wrenching story showcasing Dean’s desire for love and need affection and how few times he actually receives it. Denying himself of what he needs, until he doesn’t.

Unspoken (oneshot) by @deanscherrypie

A wonderful little drabble about how Dean lets you know he loves you without saying anything at all. Such a beautiful line… “All his broken pieces matched yours with mosaic complexity, and somehow you found a new kind of home within each other.”

Don’t Need An Excuse (oneshot) by @amanda-teaches

A beautifully crafted story from Dean’s POV about his girl and the tender loving moments in time that couples share. And, damn that ending, my poor heart.

Nominated by @there-must-be-a-lock

Anything And Everything (oneshot) by @rockhoochie

This fic honestly just took my breath away. You can feel the longing and wistfulness, and the writing is superb. There’s so much depth and detail here, it feels real and vibrant and lived-in, in a way that very few fics do. AND I love she writes Dean’s POV.

He Is, Therefore I am (oneshot) by @stusbunker

All I can say about this one is BROTHERS BEING BROTHERS. It's totally stream-of-consciousness, and it really does feel like you're in their heads.

Leaving Heaven (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Such a badass, snarky narrator with a distinctive voice, and her Demon Dean is dark and awful and sexy as hell, and there's so much depth and nuance in their interactions.

Golden Hour (oneshot) by @fangirlxwritesx67

It's straight-up wish fulfillment, fluffy comforting goodness, and I think everybody needs a little bit of that in their lives right now.

Nominated by @princessmisery666

The Question (oneshot) by @girl-next-door-writes

Death by fluff and it was so worth it !! This was perfect, of course Sam has some grand plan to propose and of course it doesn’t go to plan but ended up perfect anyway!! Was fun and sweet, loved it!!

Carry On (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

I love Rhi. I swear everything she writes, even AU’s, could be canon!! Characterizations are always on point, stories are engaging and make me feel something every time. This one is no exception. If I could I would send it to the writers to show them this is how the show should end!!

Kings Don’t Kneel (oneshot) by @slytherkins

A small drabble from Tara and as always it gave me all the feels. It could be canon, if anyone asks me I will tell them this is exactly how Crowley felt. This made me sad and I totally wanted to hug Crowley and tell him it would all be okay.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Cocky (oneshot) by @stusbunker

Sexy, fun, and real. I love your Dean, Stuie!

Golden Hour (oneshot) by @fangirlxwritesx67

Comforting and cozy and swoony!

Nominated by @littlehotmess26

Until The Day I Die Again (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

Mel writes Dean x Benny amazingly and this fic is one of my favorites.

Happy Birthday, Baby (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

This was a birthday gift to me and it was soo good. Mel did a great job.

This Isn’t One Of Mine (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

Dawn stepped out of her comfort zone for this one and it turned out phenomenal.

Goodbye, Sweetheart (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

This fic is heartbreaking and I absolutely love it.

Nominated by @kate-huntington

While You Sleep (oneshot) by @foreverwayward

A heartwarming little fic about Dean living the domesticated life we all wish for him. The writer has a very clever way of storytelling and the end might come as a surprise, only adding to the emotion it already brought along.

Findings (seires) by @kathaswings

This is one of my favorite series out there and I revisited it recently. The overall story arc is a mystery I just had to unravel and I couldn’t put it down if I wanted to. The bond between Dean and Mackenzie is so precious. Writing a child isn’t easy. I’ve read plenty of books and seen plenty of films in which the maturity that was added wasn’t natural, but this author handles the Mac’s dialogue amazingly well. What’s also interesting is the jumps from point of view between Dean and Y/N, giving very personal perspectives on the gripping story.

Heartbeats (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock

I’ll start by saying that I don’t ship Dean and Cas together, but I do appreciate the people who do. What this little piece of art does is incredible, however, because while I was reading, I found myself rooting for them. The writer does a great job by using the literal human heart as a backbone of this story. Intriguing and very well executed.

Everything That’s Yet To Come (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

The author took me by the hand through this moving little one shot, which feels like a collection of greatest hits and wishes come true. It offers peace and closure not only for the older Winchester brother, but for the reader as well. Beautiful piece of writing.

Take A Drunk Girl Home (oneshot) by @amanda-teaches

Dean taking care of others; it’s his nature and shows what a kind soul he truly is. The situation sketched here is no exception, and it’s softer than one can imagine. The pace is steady and the balance between fluff and comedy is just right. A lovely read.

The Demon Inside Of You (oneshot) by @foreverwayward

Curing Dean from the demon that he has become proves to be difficult when he’s so hard to resist. What else is hard to resist, is this beautiful pitch black one shot. I don’t read Demon!Dean fiction often, because it still feels foreign to see the character that I love so much turn into something so evil. This however, is so gripping and well written, that the darkness swallows up the beholder. Rough, hot, sad, narcissistic, all these ingredients packed up in one hell of a story.

Curves And Edges (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

This equally sweet, sexy, funny and sad story is a big shout out to all women who think they don’t meet the beauty standards and feel like they will never be good enough to get noticed. It is one thing to replace a name with Y/N and call it a reader’s insert; it’s a gift to make every person reading this feel like they are the character in this story. The author handles every woman’s insecurities with grace, making her words both relatable and soothing. Her spot on version of Dean reminds us that we are beautiful, desired and unique.

Watch Your Fcking Mouth (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Dean falls under a frustrating curse, and it’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I was wheezing, couldn’t breathe and died laughing. It’s astonishing how the writer can juggle comedy and sex without the two ruling each other out. An uplifting read.

Life For Rent (series) by @winchest09

Conspiracies, deceit, crime. A strong family bond, blossoming love, oh, not to mention the sex. This series is intriguing beyond imagination and certainly not just another mobster fanfiction. The writing is smart and I could tell from the first paragraph that it’s loaded with hints and foreshadowing, but I couldn’t pick them out. This triggers a curiosity like an itch I can’t quite scratch away until I finish reading this story. And so I wait eagerly and drop everything the second a new chapter comes out. An absolute must read!

When You Least Expect It (series) by @coffee-obsessed-writer

Talking about an epic love story, but it’s so much more than that. The music that plays such an important factor, the setting that is Seaside. The fabulous supporting characters Bri, Rob, Jason and Jared, the wardrobe, not to mention the wonderful little gems and details that this author weaved into the story, showing how much love she has put into it. This is without a shadow of a doubt my favorite RPF I’ve come across.

Nominated by @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish

The Unexpected (oneshot) by @impalaimagining

The desperation and neediness between characters is just…I can almost feel through the screen. And the gif at the top of the post is the closest thing to porn Tumblr allows now is HOT.

Criminal Love (series) by @kalesrebellion

This mob fic has a lot of things going for it: mob!Dean, big brother Benny (which I didn’t know I needed in my life, but apparently I do), mystery, and a unique way of incorporating a lot of familiar faces from the SPN world. It’s 6 chapters in and I am DYING to see what happens next because the last chapter left me shook!

Unplanned Parenthood (oneshot) by @erins-culinary-service

This fic makes me long for more canon dad!Dean because he’s just so good at it and it feels like it would fit in so well. The author nailed the family vibes and I love that she found a way to make it canon plausible (something I just can’t seem to grasp in my own writing); well done, doll.

Changes (series) by @katehuntington

This fic is super unique as it is like a series rewrite, but rather than using “Pilot, Wendigo, Dead in the Water” etc., Kate is writing her own episodes! Episode 1 just wrapped up, with my personal favorite being part 10 because the characterization of both Winchester brothers felt so spot on to me. Zoe, the amazing OFC and star of this fic, might be the coolest person ever and I wish she was my best friend. Heads up though, this is not your CW Supernatural; it’s darker, dirtier, and probably a lot closer to what the Winchesters’ lives are actually like.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

The Man on the Side of the Road (seires) by @supernatural-jackles

This is a seriously awesome Dean AU fic! Both Dean and the reader have so much baggage, but they’re working together to fix each other and it’s just BEAUTIFUL. It’s a series, and I can’t wait to see how it ends!!!

Nominated by @emoryhemsworth

Never Alone Again (oneshot) by @dissect-me

This author was kind enough to take the time to write about a recent trauma I discovered happened to me as a child and how Dean would react/comfort me. It’s powerful and really helped me. ❤️

Nominated by @fangirlxwritesx67

Laissez Les Bons Temp Rouler (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

M is the kind of author that is the reason you have the “four recs per author” rule because otherwise I would just be submitting her entire masterlist every month. For a talent like MJ, all it takes is a photo to spark an entire story. This photo of Jensen was particularly inspiring, and MJ did it justice. Hot, drunk, sexy, just UGH.

Where Is My Shiny Gun (oneshot) by thoughtslikeaminefield

Do you love Dean? Do you love Donna? Do you love Sam? Does your mouth water and your knees go weak just a little thinking about all 3 of them together? Do you need some generous, consensual, sunshiney, smutty love? Then check this out.

Leaving Heaven (series) by thoughtslikeaminefield

Demon Dean meets his match in the most compelling OFC I’ve ever read, bounty hunter Tazi. Where to start with this series? MJ works some of her best magic yet, seamlessly weaving the story into the show we know so well. Her Dean is brilliant, as always, every supporting character spot on. The action is tight, the murder wrenching, the sex smoking. And as good as it is, as perfect as Dean and Sam are, as impatient I am for every chapter .. I would read it all just for Tazi. Tazi is an OFC worthy of novelization: tough, sarcastic, sexy, and fully realized. She’s so beautiful and broken that you can’t help falling in love with her as you read. If I could ask everyone to read just one SPN FF ever, it would be this one.

Three Bad Ideas (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

She’s just getting started on her Everything prequels but, by every indicator they will be JUST as filthy as the original, with even more emotional depth and character development. Frankly it’s HOT and heartbreaking and her voice for Jared is so, so good, and so is Jensen, and I’m just all over this love story. I screamed at her when she published, that if I didn’t know what came next, I would be HEARATBROKENED (that’s how excited I got, that I forgot how to speak.)

Ocean Eyes (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock

The ocean is my Happy Place and I’m a sucker for Sam so this fic just hit all my sweet spots. A lot of us are looking for comfort fics right now and this is uniquely heartwarming.

Shackled (series) by @itmighthavebeenintentional

I KNOW this was nominated last month but there are more chapters and it just keeps getting better! For every question that the story answers, it asks two more. Also, it’s started getting smutty and whoooooooo boy.

Anything And Everything (oneshot) by @rockhoochie

I don’t even remember why this lovely lady was asking for prompts but I sent one that I think was, listening to records, first kiss. I had long since forgotten when she dropped this 8K word MASTERPIECE on all of us.

It’s such a sweet in-character Dean, but a relaxed side of Dean that he deserves and we don’t really get to see. It’s soft and sensual and just… you can feel it while you read.

Nominated by @manawhaat

Sex Ed (oneshot) by @cleighwrites

This is a type of wincest I’m not sure I’ve experienced before, but I can say without a doubt that I fucking love it! It’s your classic little brother Sammy looking up to Dean. It’s the show. It’s their relationship to a T, but with that little bit of helplessness that makes Sam feel like such a fucking kid! I don’t even know if my normal wincest loving self would call this actual Wincest, but wherever it falls on the radar, it’s wonderful!

Passion (oneshot) by @bohowitch

This is poetry in motion, just like Sam is. This is a beautiful, firery, perfect ode to all that is Sam Winchester!

Neptune Rising (oneshot) by @atc74

This is such a clever and refreshing AU! I don’t think I’ve ever read one like this and both characters are nuanced in such believable ways. It’s not too long, so you should definitely take a sec to check it out!

Shackled (series) by @itmighthavebeenintentional

What can I say about this series other than HOLY FUCK!! It’s got twists and turns and secrets and guilt and worry and drama and excitement and passion and fucking everything you want in a good, juicy, keep you on the edge of your seat kind of story!

There’s a feral brutality to the way she portrays Demon!Dean in this that is actually scary and makes me nervous in real life. I find myself looking around the room when I read this, pulling my feet in from off the side of the couch as if this version of Deanmon is gonna snatch me up if I’m not careful. It’s intense and SO. DAMN. COMPELLING. And it’s not even a fucking reader insert. I find myself worrying about Miriam (the ofc) at random parts of the day long after I’ve finished reading the latest chapters...

This series is a fucking MUST READ!

Celibacy, Interrupted (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Any fic with Jody x a Winchester is my jam, but this one is like, no bullshit, just fantastic interaction and sultry, perfect ‘smut’. Goddamn. This leaves me in a pile of goo not even for myself, but FOR JODY!

Let Go (oneshot) by @luci-in-trenchcoats

So bdsm seems to have been a theme in my life for the past month and I don’t know why, but this fucking fits the bill. I recently dodged a bullet with a ‘dom’ (read: a bossy guy who wanted nudes who ignored care and consent) and this fic is like, the complete opposite of what I experienced. I’ve read and done research and talked to enough people to know what real bdsm looks like and that saved me, and this fic only reinforces that proper bdsm lifestyle.

It’s gentle yet firm, and it forces you to let go of control even when you feel like you HAVE to hold onto it. That force caught me off guard when I read it, but it makes so much sense, and every aspect of this really, truly is well thought out and spot on, good, caring bdsm. If you’re interested in it, this is a great place to start your reading and research!

When 2 Is Better Than 1 (oneshot) by @wi-deangirl77

Not only is the smut fucking glorious in this, but Ketch’s gentle nature is 100% what makes this for me! I’m not used to reading him as gentle or caring and having him work with Dean in this to help the reader, not to fill his own needs, but truly coming at it from a place of care and worry, melts me into a pile of gooey feels.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

#afa masterlist #angel fish awards #spnfanficpond #spn fanfiction #spn fic rec

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aspoonofsugar · 4 years

Note

What do you think of the sibling relationships within BSD? Akutagawa and Gin, Tanizaki and Naomi, etc.

Hello anon!

I can think of three prominent sibling relationships in the series.

1) The one between Tanizaki and Naomi.

2) The one between Tachihara and his brother.

3) The one between Akutagawa and Gin.

When it comes to relationships 2) and 3), it is interesting that the both of them have a conflictual element.

First of all, it is clear that both Gin and Tachihara deeply love their older brothers. However, the manga, when it comes to the Tachihara siblings, and the novel Beast, when it comes to the Akutagawa ones, have shown that both Tachihara and Gin have some kind of ambivalent feelings when it comes to their sibling.

Tachihara has suffered because of his brother’s death, but at the same time he is jealous of his brother because the adults around him kept comparing the two of them:

Because of this, Tachihara felt that there was really no place left for him and this is why he took a wrong path.

Gin reacts in a similar way in Beast after Akutagawa leaves her to avenge their comrades. As a matter of fact she holds some resentment towards Akutagawa because of him being ready to even die in order to avenge his friends. His death would have resulted in Gin’s abandoment and Dazai uses this to convince Gin to join the mafia. That said, Beast also makes clear that Gin still cares deeply for her brother and that one of the reasons she is pushing him away is that she doesn’t want to see him die.

In short, in Beast Gin’s relationship with Akutagawa is similar, but also opposite to the one Tachihara has with his brother. Tachihara hides his jealousy towards his brother behind his feelings of grief, while Gin hides the love for her brother behind a mask of coldness and resentment.

That said, this is not the case when it comes to the manga where Gin has been nothing, but supportive of Akutagawa. I wonder if some of the feelings Gin shows in Beast will come out in the main story as well. If that were the case, then Gin might share with Tachihara a tendency of hiding her negative feelings for the sake of her older sibling. At the same time, more focus on the Akutagawa’s siblings might make them interesting foils to the Tanizaki ones.

As a matter of fact it is clear both in Beast and in the manga that Akutagawa can be selfish in his relationship with Gin to the point that he has basically sacrificed her well being in order to find some personal fulfillment:

“Even if you say no, I will give you enough money to give your friends a proper burial and to ensure that you and your sister will want for nothing in the rest of your days.”

He chooses to refuse Dazai’s offer to receive enough money for both himself and Gin and instead he drags her in a criminal organization.

In short, Akutagawa despite clearly loving Gin puts her in danger because of his own selfishness.

When it comes to Tanizaki, the story has made clear that he has the opposite problem:

Tanizaki is generally a kind person and he rarely acts violently or in an unfriendly way. However, the moment Naomi is in danger he forgets himself and is ready to sacrifice even people passing by in order to protect her. This is made clear through his foiling with Steinback:

It is interesting that Steinback explains his reasoning to Naomi of all people. Steinback claims that he is justified in his actions since he wants to help his little sister. Despite Naomi not being a fan of such an idea, her relationship with Tanizaki is not that different from the one Steinbeck shares with his sister.

In short, Gin humanizes Akutagawa and makes so that he can show his more caring side:

While Naomi brings out Tanizaki’s more violent side:

Because of this difference, I think that these two couples of siblings have the potential to foil each other, but for this to happen we have to wait for both relationships to receive more focus.

I am especially looking forward to Tanizaki and Naomi’s past to be revealed since it is clear that they, like all the other members of the ADA, have a complicated past which might put more light on the nature of their relationship. As a matter of fact even if it is often played for laugh Naomi and Tanizaki’s relationship is framed as excessively obsessive:

The incestuous notes of their relationship are usually played for laugh and I don’t think the relationship will be explored that much when it comes to this aspect. However, I think that their situation is similar to Mori and Elise’s one. Mori and Elise’s relationship is hinted at, but I doubt it will elaborated on. What I think is that Mori’s ability beign called Vita Sexualis and having the shape of a child is symbolic of Mori’s unhealthy mindset and tendency to pray on weaker people. It is a hint of Mori not being in a healthy place emotionally and of him not being neither trustworthy nor a positive character. When it comes to Naomi and Tanizaki, I think the obsessive relationship they have for each other is symbolic of something more and of an unhealthy aspect of their bond which will be addressed later on.

I also wonder if Haruno will have a role in the siblings’ background. As a matter of fact she is a character who is so far not that well connected to the others and she is called after a character written by Tanizaki exactly like Naomi is. It is not uncommon for minor characters linked to major ones to be called like characters written by the author called after tha more important character. For example, Gin herself is called after one of Akutagawa’s character and she turned out to be his sister.

Both Haruno and Naomi are called after characters of Tanizaki’s novel Naomi. The book is about a man who wants to bring up the perfect spouse and tries to educate the titular character, so that she can become one. To be more precise the main character wants Naomi to resemble western women. Because of this, she contrasts Haruno’s character who embodies the eastern way of life. I think that this contrast in personality has been used in bsd as well since both Naomi and Haruno resemble their novel counter-parts. However, I wonder if Haruno will turn out to be connected to Tanizaki in a more direct way than what it seems right now.

Moreover, it is interesting that the relationship between Naomi and the MC of the book becomes more conflictual towards the end. As a matter of fact the mc ends up losing his influence on Naomi and she becomes the one in power within their dynamic. I think that a more conflictual elements might arise between the Tanizaki siblings as well in the future especially because Tanizaki’s power to create illusion hints at the fact that he is hiding something both from others and from himself. This is actually how his character song starts:

To live is to have secrets you don’t want to tell anyone

The whole song is basically about Tanizaki’s devotion to Naomi and his willingness to protect some kind of “purity” she represents. Throughout the song the symbolic meaning of Light Snow is made explicit and the ability is compared to a screen on which false images are projected. In short, I think that it is clear Tanizaki’s background might reveal us something important.

Thank you for the ask and enjoy the holidays if you are celebrating!

#bsd #bsd meta #bungou stray dogs #tanizaki junichirou #tanizaki naomi #akutagawa ryunosuke #gin akutagawa #tachihara michizou #asksfullofsugar #anonymous

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 years

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inspired by @honeybabydichotomy some time back / me wildly needing a series of small brain breaks from trying to plan this remote lesson while sleep deprived because i simply could not fall back asleep after 3:15 this morning and my brain is feeling A Wee Bit Totally Deranged, here is my vague/wishy-washy to-write list!

things you can more or less properly call WIPs:

*the story i am actively working on right now, in which eliot & quentin take a miserable vacation together and i attempt to set a world record for number of words devoted to cultivating the precise emotion of Agonized Horniness. i thought that this was going to be short and it is definitely going to be well over 20k, big lol @ me for wildly underestimating the quantity of feelings i had about eliot waugh! but actually i am having extreme amounts of fun with this deeply self-indulgent project, which has both let me try out some things that feel new for me and also unexpectedly become very personal but not at all in the way i usually mean when i say that a story is very personal, to the extent that not only am i not (as i usually am by this point in a fic) incredibly impatient to finish it, but also i am a little sad at the prospect of no longer living with it in my head all the time! i have superstitiously grounded myself from posting any more snippets of it but taken as a set i think these do capture the vibe.

*a quick & slightly goofy resurrection fic set as a kind of episode tag for 5x03 set in an alternate universe where the “plot” of season 5 is not really happening but alice and eliot still wind up on the top of grief mountain. my motivation for this one decreased as season 5 continued to be Like That to the point of erasing any desire to keep anything from it in my personal magicians canon, but i like the central conceit which involves rewriting alice’s golem spell as a collaborative spell because i’m a sucker for any and all pieces coming together imagery, and also i feel like for me personally actually succeeding in writing something light and breezy would be a really instructive and cool learning experience!

*i am too bashful to publicly describe the last item on this list and may yet prove to be too bashful to ever finish it but it started out as me trying to imagine a conversation in which quentin tells eliot about Ye Olde Sex Magic Escapade and has sort of evolved into like me thinking a lot about eliot’s ability to trust himself? trying to find the right tone/voice for this one has been a beast largely because quentin turning 800 shades of red while he explains to eliot that a stranger had to give him advice about how to give his girlfriend the orgasms he didn’t know she wasn’t having is the funniest thing in the entire world to both me and eliot, but then every other Concept i have for it is, you know, not so much. i would like to persevere though for precisely the reason i am so bashful about it, which is that i am interested in trying to do what like 80% of people into fic do several times a year, namely write a story that moves through characterization & emotional beats mostly through the mechanism of Doing It.

wisps of half-assed notions floating idly in my brain which may or may not ever result in any actual writing:

*i have two vague epilogue/coda notions for wild geese. one is that i’d like to just check in on that version of quentin a few months later and get to see him feeling like a functional person and enjoying & reflecting on the novelty of that, learning to lean in a little more to who he is and what he wants, possibly via [redacted for reasons of bashfulness], possibly just further toying with the hugely entertaining to me notion that one lingering side effect of his death/undeath is that he suddenly becomes a foodie. or he gets into, i dunno, kickboxing. just very Wow I Have A Body times. the other idea is that i am charmed by the notion of quentin and julia getting a brakebills grant to do summer fieldwork at a hedge coven/hippie commune in like maine or something, both because i like the idea of q & j getting to have a fun low-stakes magic adventure together (they deserve it!!!) and because i’m amused by the extent to which julia would be like “this is an extremely fun way to spend exactly 2 months of my life after which i would fully go out of my mind” while quentin is like “idk maybe i do want to join a hedge commune? i wonder if eliot would be into it.” also q & e writing interdimensionally transmitted letters!

*some.... thing... about julia and eliot becoming friends, either like a snapshot of them bonding while trying to resurrect q, or else a post-resurrection fic where the process was very quick so they never really bonded but now that eliot and quentin are dating julia just shows up one day like “hello eliot who is dating my best friend and therefore also my best friend now! :D” and eliot’s like “wait what now” because he’s so used to imperiously friend-seducing people in the weirdest way possible that julia texting him a link to showing of john waters shorts at metrograph is not something he knows how to process

*some... thing... about alice figuring out how to Be Okay after quentin undeads and they break up. she gets really into some niche hobby or takes herself to some scenic location and hates it or finally tries pot. shit, maybe i am accidentally talking myself into casually shipping alice/josh. but also maybe she doesn’t hook up with anyone? maybe she gets to just have... a... friend? (kady?)

*the night of the s5 finale what i really wanted more than anything was some kind of wildly, exuberantly happy ending for eliot and the mechanism for that which popped into my head was an old school kinda 5-times-ish fic centered around a series of new year’s eves. (1) yes i have written this exact conceit before (2) yes this was partly influenced by the fact that new year’s day by taylor swift REMAINS the eliot love song of all time and “i want your midnights / but i’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on new year’s day” is still the most infuriatingly perfect description of eliot in love humanly conceivable. the heart wants what it wants.

*something exploring my vague headcanon that quentin and julia absolutely accidentally did magic as kids but it was always in the structure of being dreamy kids playing at magic and half-convincing themselves in that dreamy-kid way it was real, so that when later they outgrew that they also mentally filed those experiences away as playing pretend with great intensity.

*some............... thing........... involving present day post-s4 (alive) quentin and arielle’s... grave? great-grandchild? i dunno man, like, teddy never existed without quentin going back in time, but arielle was presumably a real person and not some weird quest-generated cipher, and i just can’t imagine that a version of quentin who remembers even as much as her name and that they were married has access to fillory and some free time and doesn’t try to figure out what did happen to her. or, like, eliot comes across someone in a familiar town with familiar eyes and is like, q i think there is someone you maybe have to see. for most of my half-assed notions i would probably be almost as happy to read a fic that already exists instead of writing it myself but for this one in particular if anyone has read one please do send it my way. it just feels like an odd gap to read so many fics where quentin and eliot are thinking about The Mosaic and Their Family and not at all interested in the branch of that family that like, concretely in this timeline lived. in my brain this is NOT a depressing story but it is admittedly hard to see how that would work out in practice.

*as you can tell from this list i am not generally a big AU person in terms of writing, because by the time i’ve exhausted the things poking at me from canon to resolve or play around with i have historically lost my stamina for that fandom. BUT, the one gratuitously self-indulgent non-magic AU i want in the world is one where quentin and alice were college sweethearts who got married at 23 and divorced six months later and quentin reacted to this by deciding that love/joy/hope/happiness/dreams are for children and stupid people, and now it’s like... 6-10 years later idk and quentin is “fine” in that he shows up to work on time and pays his bills on time and doesn’t often feel sad but lives a very small life in which he doesn’t often feel much of anything or have much of a connection to himself or other people, enter of course eliot having gone through some Rough Times but eventually turned a corner towards getting his shit together and whose joie de vivre / general hotness / open-hearted affection shakes things up in ways that are both thrilling and totally horrifying!

uncategorizable by the headings listed above:

*on december 28, 2019, i started a google doc titled “magicians underworld breakout fic” which i have sporadically been adding notes towards ever since, inspired mostly by how much i think it was a missed opportunity to never have quentin and penny come to any kind of mutual understanding of each other (or even of their own reactions to each other!) except via fake pod person underworld nonsense, and how potentially fun it would be for them to team up to make it back to life. it currently contains just under 3600 words, but they are exclusively things such as:

hades and the underworld library? hades and the whole library? what’s cool about god motivations is they are almost definitionally stupid

or:

They have been taught certain things and those things are lies - connecting to how Margo got her axes

similar to #3 on the WIP list above, the reason i may never write this is the same as the reason i very much want to actually write this, which is that it is by necessity very plotty, something i have never, ever, ever done. i started brainstorming in the last few days i was wrapping up wild geese partly because i was so excited to have written a story where like magic events happened and only like 96% of the plot could be described as “and then a person has a feeling” as opposed to my usual 100%. i have generated a lot more ideas than i really expected to (some of which i like a lot!) but also am still extremely far from having a workable story, although i also have not dedicated any purposeful time to it really, just kind of let it percolate. also it is tough because every version of how it might be told i come up with definitely involves multiple POVs and so far seems to involve more than 2 partly because like a bunch of my other magicians grudges/missed opportunity wishlist items keep sort of working their way in, which is... a lot. i feel like a sensible thing to do would be to come up with at least one (1) kind of mid-tier plottiness concept, somewhere between “50k words of And Then A Person Has A Feeling with a couple thousand spent on Magic Things Happen, Which Are Also Feelings, But Whatever” and like “5 strands of plot drawing together for me to work out every single one of the 700 beefs i have with this show at once” but AS YOU CAN SEE i literally do not have any ideas that fall into that category at the moment, so. we shall see!

#the magicians #this wound up truly unhingedly long but sleep deprivation is rly jostling my brains!#also first real of quarantine qontent is there are no rules of quarantine qontent

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rutilation · 4 years

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I have some Hot Takes about some Icy Floes. And also chapter 83, I guess.

But before I get to the ice floes, I’m going to work my way back through this chapter.

I find it interesting that Phos seems to balk at the idea of being repaired. On the one hand, you can read it simply as them being too impatient in their current state to wait for repairs, but on the other hand, insofar as Phos’s augmentations represent something about their state of mind, it makes sense that their body is going to be fractured for as long as their mind is broken. A new body part signals moving on, and Phos is in no state to do that. Thus, we may be looking at gremlin-Phos for a while. Or maybe I’m getting ahead of myself and next chapter will see the Lunarians tying Phos down and forcing some replacements on them.

Phos’s nightmare speaks for itself, so the only thing I have to note is that those magic words, “If only you were never here,” have reared their ugly head again. Even if they’re using Antarc and the others as a mouthpiece, it seems clear that they’re really talking to themselves.

Like pretty much everyone else, I’d like to believe that Antarc would never say something like that to Phos… but it’s not like I foresaw Cinnabar rallying the troops to bury them alive either, so who knows. On one hand, Antarc loved Kongou the most out of all the gems, and would likely be pissed at Phos’s shenanigans. On the other hand, they are a sweetie. But, even if they could be repaired, their memories are gone, so we’ll never know how they would have reacted.

(Well, you know, they’re probably space dust. But it sure is suspicious that Aechmea just so happened to have a fake piece of Antarc on hand when Phos got to the moon. And what a coincidence that the aforementioned piece happens to be the exact same shape as one that broke off the actual Antarc.)

(…)

(He’s totally got Antarc sequestered away in a jar somewhere, doesn’t he?)

There’s something I find interesting about the conversation the gems have in the middle of the chapter. They all express an easygoing acceptance regarding the gems on the moon, aside from Zircon who is (rightfully) worried about Yellow. But, you’ll recall that Euclase suggested ice-breaking duty for any gems who were too rattled to sleep, and everyone present is someone whose partner/frenemy left for the moon. So, what does that imply? On that note, Bort is the only one who lost a partner to Phos’s rebellion that isn’t present. (Also, it’s nice to see that Morga has grown to be more confident.)

Jade’s interpretation of what happened, along Red Beryl/Obsidian’s unquestioning acceptance of that explanation, is so galaxy-brained that it makes me wonder if they all suspect that Kongou let Phos out, but are unwilling to admit that to themselves. Naturally though, Euclase seems to know what’s up. I wonder if they’ll confront Kongou about it.

I had wondered how Kongou would react after nearly starting third impact, and it seems he’s entered conceal-don’t-feel mode. It’s interesting that he’s keeping the fact that he let Phos out a secret; as far as I know, his programming wouldn’t compel him to withhold this information. What is it that he thinks would happen if the earth gems knew he was unwilling to keep antagonizing Phos, and not just unable? Another thing I noticed is that, while Kongou is sporting his usual stiff upper lip, the way his neutral expression is drawn seems just a bit more upset than usual. I might be imagining it though.

I’m not sure if Kongou’s line here is an obtuse way of saying that spring is on the way, or if he’s saying that global warming is still a thing even after the death of humanity. Though I must say, on a metaphorical level, his comment gels quite nicely with my observation from last month that reading this series is like being a frog in boiling water. Anyway, if he’s not referring to the change of the seasons, it brings up a topic that’s been on my mind for a while: namely, what are the gems going to do if they lose their island?

The subject has never been broached, but eroding away into nothing or being submerged by rising sea levels is the eventual fate of your average tiny island. And when that happens, and the gems are forced to live underwater, they’d lose their immortality for all intents and purposes. The saltwater would gradually wear away at them, and they’d have no way to harvest or even use the paste with which they repair themselves. It strikes me as a bit of a glaring issue, but I’ve seen no acknowledgment of it, aside from a throwaway line about a document measuring erosion rates along the shore. That said, ignoring uncomfortable truths is the gems’ favorite hobby, so I can’t say it breaks my suspension of disbelief.

If the island is revealed to be a volcanic caldera, then maybe they can hope for an eventual eruption which would bring forth new land for them to live on. Unless of course the island is sitting on top of a strato-volcano, in which case an eruption would blast the island and everyone on it to smithereens.

Anyway, I’ve grown weary of talking about things that aren’t ice floes, so let’s get to it. I’ve been having thoughts about them for a while now, and since this chapter features some ice floe action, I might as well take this opportunity to talk about it. It seems to me that the ice floes function as something of a metaphor. I think they serve to illustrate both the grief and despair that the gems endure, as well as their inability to reckon with such emotions.

I first made this connection when reading another user’s meta, which pointed out that in chapter 39, Phos’s head broke into the shape of the ice flows, thus showing that they see themselves as a sinner, which is what the ice floes apparently are. (I can’t for the life of me find the post in question, but if I do, I’ll edit a link to it onto this post.)

There are lot of unanswered question about the ice floes, and we only know a handful of things about them:

They are the same type of being as the gems—inclusions inhabiting a crystalline solid.

They have no will of their own, but can reflect the negative emotions of those around them.

They speak a language that Kongou understands which the rest of the gem do not, aside from Phos and their vore-induced powers of translation.

But, there’s reason to believe that we haven’t gotten the full truth regarding the ice floes. If they have no will of their own, then why do they specifically reflect negative emotions, and not just any thought that passes through someone’s head? Why do they menace and break the gems with what seems like malicious intent? Why are their screams so otherworldly compared to the sounds an actual ice floe would make? Why are shaped so strangely? Why are they “sinners?”

Here’s what I suspect is going on: The ice floes are just sentient enough to be upset about their cursed forms, but since they have no recourse other than to direct their misery at others, they resort to impotently screaming at anyone in earshot, and trying to consume the gems in order to integrate them into the ice—perhaps they feel that if they can’t be happy and whole, then no one should, which is certainly a sentiment that has cropped up a few times in the series. The way Kongou stares at the screaming ice floes in dismay as he clutches Phos’s eye makes me think that the two are being equated, that Phos’s wretched state is how the ice floes feel all the time. It also makes me wonder what Kongou is hearing at that moment, seeing as he can understand them. (And can I just say that this moment made me tear up a little? Even after all the awfulness that just transpired, he’s worried about Phos, and is hiding their pieces in his sleeve for safekeeping. The society he created may be flawed, to put it lightly, but I just can’t dislike anyone who chugs that Phos-loving juice.)

And in typical fashion, the gems are entirely incurious about the ice floes, and are only annoyed with them for disturbing their beauty sleep. Their solution is simply to shut them up, with nary a thought to the meaning of their actions, and, as Morga so aptly put it, to cheer louder than the ice floes can scream.

So, like I said, it kind of seems like the ice floes are an extended metaphor for both human suffering, and a failure to reckon with it. Man, remember how Phos’s first impulse upon learning that the ice floes are alive was to try and make friends with them? Even if it was dangerously naïve, I kind of find myself wishing that they had tried.

Have any of you guys ever read Ursula K. LeGuin’s short story, The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas? It’s a great, quick read. You know who really needs to read it, and take its lessons to heart? The entire cast, except maybe Ventricosus, or something. Because if someone, anyone doesn’t start walking away from Omelas, then this can only end in tragedy. (Phos tried to, but on their way out, they slipped on a banana peel and broke their neck.)

Which brings me to my thoughts on Cinnabar. Two of the things they said this chapter seem to subtly imply that they haven’t made peace with the idea of being happy at another’s expense. There’s their line about how Dia’s probably having more fun than they should be, and then there’s the moment when, after Kongou calls their happiness a blessing, they smile for only a moment before growing forlorn. They don’t extend that sentiment towards Phos—heaven forbid anyone show basic decency towards the local scapegoat—but I do think these moments are subtle indications that Cinnabar is more thoughtful regarding their place in the world than the others. You’ll also recall that the other gems didn’t spare much thought to Antarc after they were taken, so it’s nice to see Cinnabar pick up a bit of slack there. Now that I think about it, if my musings about them in the last chapter were correct, they might be assuming that they’ve done Phos a favor, and that they’re perfectly fine now that they’ve made it back to the moon. After all, they said themselves that they believe Phos is beloved there.

The only other thing on my mind this chapter is how, in much the same way the text has been preoccupied with both the joys and horrors of change, these last few arcs have concerned themselves with the act of moving on—the sense of freedom and relief it brings, but also the agony of being unable to let go, the futility of mere escapism, and the desolation of being the one who is left behind.

Finally, I said in my last essay that I’d be posting my crackpot Cairn theory in the near future. Here’s a link to that for any interested parties who may have missed it the first time around.

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #well that chapter was mildly not unpleasant #can't wait to descend back into hell next chapter

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annabethisterrified · 5 years

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Book Review: THE TYRANT’S TOMB by Rick Riordan (The Trials of Apollo #4)

“Today, one way or another, the fate of New Rome would be decided.”

THERE ARE NO SPOILERS UNTIL YOU GO BELOW THE CUT!

Reeling from the loss of Jason Grace and the mounting danger of his mission to stop the evil emperors ascendance, Apollo (aka Lester) and Meg arrive disheveled and devastated in New Rome...with a coffin in tow. Getting into Camp Jupiter is tricky enough, and once Apollo and Meg get caught up to speed on the chaos that’s been wreaked in the Bay Area, they realize that the impending battle will be the culmination of everything they’ve been fighting for. Reyna, Frank, and Hazel’s leadership roles put them to the ultimate test as they scramble to prepare for their final stand against Caligula and Commodus. Together, Apollo, Meg, and the inhabitants of New Rome must mourn who they’ve already lost while simultaneously gearing up for the inevitable confrontation that will seal the fate of their home once and for all.

The penultimate installment of The Trials of Apollo picks up on the heels of The Burning Maze’s tragic conclusion. Through Apollo’s perspective, the reality of what went down in the third book continues to weigh heavily upon the whole cast, but most of their focus is forced forward to an incredibly dangerous confrontation slated for the Blood Moon. Loose ends from the Heroes of Olympus series are tied neatly yet surprisingly, and the continued evolution of Apollo and Meg’s bond shines as the book’s true, gleaming heart. Apollo’s own recognition of his past failings, his father’s abusiveness, and the reality of what his humanity has taught him all come to a head, setting up what’s sure to be an impactful fifth and final book-- not just for Apollo’s journey, but as a capstone for what the whole saga’s implications about what it means to be a hero, and to be a human.

The Tyrant’s Tomb is consistently entertaining and heartfelt, but the final third of the story proves to be the most deftly-crafted and meaningful. Though not as heavy as its previous installment, this fourth book gives plenty of focus on some lovely development from our main protagonist, priming the series for its finale next fall.

If you click below, there will be spoilers.

Hello? Okay. You promise you’re good for spoilers...?

All right, just because of who I am as a person I guess, I’ve broken this down into like ten sections. Ooof. Generally, I will say that I was super pleased with how this story went. My only disappointment was that I’d hoped for more of a prolonged or “on-screen” unpacking of the effects of Jason’s death on the Camp Jupiter kids, specifically Reyna. However, I get that that’s kind of hard to do through Apollo’s perspective. I wasn’t totally sold on the idea that he sang a song haha, but I’m glad that Jason’s loss wasn’t just addressed at the beginning and then “moved on” from. It was threaded throughout, showing that grief is not something that you can check off a list. This is something that will always stay with these characters, and alter how they live and feel about things. It ebbs and flows. In addition, I think there could’ve been just a bit more action in the first half of the story, but it was never boring or aimless. And the concluding battle was expertly written and soooooo amazing omfg. Still reeling.

Anyway, let’s go.

FRANKLY, I HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE

I’m so happy we got the chance to see Frank leading Camp Jupiter as praetor! He did such a good job, but also acknowledged that this is still a new role he’s transitioning into. I was so pleasantly surprised at how he managed to be both authoritative and gentle, and it was gut-wrenching to know that he intended to take Caligula down with him. When I imagined the fallout of Jason’s death, I always pictured Reyna being the one to tear down the emperors in revenge, which was why I was so affected by Frank’s commitment to honoring his friend. Not only did he order Jason’s designs to be built in like thirty hours, but he was so ready to avenge Jason that he was fully prepared to die.

What. An. Arc. I LOVE HIM. I’m glad he’s finally free of his burden, and that he gets to keep doing an epic job as praetor (though hopefully during more future peaceful times). Camp Jupiter’s lucky to have him.

SHINE ON HAZEL

Words can’t express how infatuated I was with Hazel in this book. She’s always been one of my favorites, but she really shone in this story. She was already so strong and developed at the end of Heroes of Olympus, but this book still brought her out better and smarter than she was before. She cannot be stopped. Hazel’s determination and grit make her formidable, and she definitely proved to be Rome’s greatest asset throughout the entire story.

I think it’s great that she gets to step up and take on Jason and Reyna’s former role of praetor...alongside Frank, too! I didn’t expect her to react with anger towards Jason once she found out about his death, but it hit me hard. She initially took Jason’s death to be a reflection of the Seven’s failings as a team. Hazel loved how powerful the bond between them all was, and when Jason took on the burden of TBM’s prophecy alone without confiding in anyone, I can totally see why she felt like that was a betrayal. UGH hit me hard.

REYNA REYNA REYNA!

Reyna is just objectively an amazing character. I’m so so so glad we got to revisit her in this story, and loved where she ended up going. Starting this book, I had literally no idea how she would be handled. She’s always been the quintessential strong leader, which is awesome, but I’m glad we got to unpack the implications behind her very...layered...existence. Leaving Puerto Rico in a traumatic situation, going straight to Circe’s Island, escaping as a pirate, carving out her path in New Rome, getting roped into the Titan then Giant War? Damn. She’s been through a lot, and none of it of her own free will.

Like I mentioned earlier, I wish we’d learned more of how she dealt with Jason’s death. They were obviously really close growing up, and though it was clear she was devastated and things were referenced “off-screen”, I still kind of wish we’d gotten a bit more. Regardless, I liked that the focus of her presence in this book was about HERSELF and nobody else.

And hello!!!!! She has a red truck!!!! and goes out hiking with her greyhounds??? makes me so glad.

And yeah-- that ending, huh? I know it got mixed reactions. Personally, it felt pretty natural to me. I’m so glad she stayed in touch with Thalia after the events of HoO, and knowing that they’ll be on eternal adventures with a bunch of other wonderful girls....happy sigh. Reyna’s right-- this is kind of a much-needed vacation by joining Artemis’s team. No matter how long or short she stays with them, it’s important that she’s able to reclaim her destiny and figure out what and who she’d like to be.

APOLLO & MEG

These two!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit. Their bond was so well handled and I loved seeing how it developed in this installment. They can communicate on an instinctual level-- they can call each other out, and recognize the abusive patterns both of their fathers have over them. They have so much in common, but also have so much to teach one another. I loved that they were both able to tell each other “I love you” and ughhhh yes the sibling dynamic is so epic. (Also, the whole Reyna and Meg ganging up on Apollo about Koronis bit was hysterical.) (And the “I thought you loved me?” “I’m multitasking.”)

WHERE TO NEXT?

Just because I haven’t said this yet, but HOLY MOLY I adored Lavinia. Oh my god. She was amazing-- hilarious, presumptuous, go-getter, kind...what a star!!! What a joy to read!

Anyway, now it’s onto the fifth and final installment...THE TOWER OF NERO. I’m so happy that we’re going back to where this story started (in both Hidden Oracle and The Lightning Thief)....New York! And it sounds like also a potential field trip to Delphi, Greece? I’m down!

I’m assuming we’ll be able to tag up with Annabeth, since she’s the only main-player we haven’t yet revisited in ToA. And probably also Percy, Nico, Will, Austin, Kayla, etc. at Camp Half Blood.

There’s a lot of ways this could all go down, but I think this book set up a heart-wrenching conclusion. I’m looking forward to Apollo and especially Meg standing up to their fathers and claiming their own lives. I’m not even sure if Apollo will want to be returned to godhood by the time his trials are up. We delved into some really interesting threads in this book-- he mentioned several times that he’d only ever felt comfortable and “at home” when he was human. What will that mean for his final trial?

In either case, this book was fabulous and I’m so glad we got a chance to learn more about Camp Jupiter and New Rome...and I feel like a lot got resolved, so it felt like a satisfying way to say goodbye to the California crew. I doubt they’ll be in the last book, so it was bittersweet but fitting to leave them as we did!

Now, we wait. One last time! Thanks for reading this if you made it all the way down, haha!

#review #tyrant's tomb #the trials of apollo #rick riordan #toa spoilers

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butterflydm · 5 years

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The Untamed Rewatch (ep 1)

Series Overview | Index | Next Episode

Oh, yes, I was very correct about this all hitting me a lot harder after I’d seen the whole show. I am also watching it on viki.com this time and the subtitled translations are already a lot better than the ones on the tencent youtube channel. They flow much more naturally as lines of dialogue (there’s a new set of translated videos popping up, too, that I might check out on my… third viewing… that will probably happen after this one… I really like this story y’all).

Things that stood out to me on this viewing (note: I am going to be spoiling the rest of the story as well when talking about things, including the twists):

Okay, so in the drama, when Wei WuXian is brought back to life, it seems like he definitely does look like himself again from the start —he specifically questions Mo XuanYu’s cousin to see if the Mo family would recognize him and learns that they haven’t seen him without mask or heavy makeup since he left home for a while at thirteen. What I infer from the conversations is that their looks were similar enough that when Mo XuanYu called Wei WuXian’s spirit into his body and the magic reshaped it, his general shape didn’t change enough to be noticeable, plus the family didn’t really look at him much in any case. And Wei WuXian worries that the “Lans of Gusu” might know enough about how he looks to recognize him, even if they aren’t “him”. I mean, obviously the doylist/meta reason is that they hired Xiao Zhan for a reason and they’re gonna have him play the part, but yeah, thinking about it is interesting.

Wei WuXian playing wangxian on the piece of grass: fucked me up so much more now. This show does such an excellent job with this entire romance. The whole way they set up Wei WuXian both wanting and not wanting to see Lan WangJi again is a lovely representation of their push-pull dynamic in the drama as a whole.

Which brings me to how much I love that song. The wangxian love theme is absolutely beautiful, enough that even when they play it like ten times in one of the later episodes, I’m still like “aaaah, so pretty! <3”. The first time we hear it is when Wei Ying has the flashback to Lan Zhan in his Gusu robes when he’s talking to Lan SiZhui and it’s so subtle there but it starts building up the mood of their romance, piece by piece. And WWX is so overcome by the memory that he literally sinks down and sits on his heels.

I also really love Lan Zhan’s theme song, as well. Lan Zhan’s introduction is… a lot. I love that we don’t see his face until it’s WWX seeing his face again, too. And he’s just this floating ethereal being and WWX stares for a long while, transfixed… and then makes fun of the way he’s dressed, with a fond smile. There’s such a good job there of putting in a sense of familiarity and history with how Wei Ying reacts to seeing Lan Zhan again.

The set-up of the sixteen years ago, seeing that moment, and then when we come back to it 30+ episodes later as we see both that there was so much we didn’t know but also that the show didn’t at all ‘cheat’ about the emotions of the scene — the backstory information we get complicates the picture of that day that we start with but doesn’t undermine it.

Wei WuXian also comes back in a much better emotional place? Given the way resentful energy is presented in the drama as a corrupting force, I wonder if part of that is attributable to getting a ‘new start’ in Mo XuanYu’s body — his own original body had been put through so much physical trauma in addition to the emotional trauma. The removal of his golden core. Being thrown down into the burial mounds. Then years of resentful energy being held inside his body and built up over time. Even just getting a chance to wipe that out and start again in a body that hasn’t been through that trauma might be helpful. This fey, trickster Wei WuXian is reminiscent of how we meet him in the flashback.

Though, in the drama (as I understand it, his death happens differently in the novel), another element might be that we did see him reach a moment of peace right before he died — he saved Lan Zhan’s life. He was already able to break out of the stranglehold of his grief and pain long enough to do that before he died, so his mind already started the healing process (but then he died, so it was short-circuited — sort of? Wei Ying does make it clear he was aware of being dead and he even knows how long he’s been dead without anyone telling him). I’m not sure how much of that applies to the novel’s version of WWX, but that’s what I got out of the drama’s version.

I really love Wei Ying’s casual displays of power. Snapping his fingers to freeze Mo XuanYu’s cousin in place… it just comes so naturally to him. He just has this very spontaneous-feel to when he uses magic (is it still called cultivation in this context?) that makes it just part of who he is and it’s very charming.

We see the hints of Nie HuaiSang’s hand behind everything — he paid the storyteller to talk about the YiLing Patriarch for three solid days, probably to influence the timing of Mo XuanYu’s ritual. He makes sure he stays there to see the initial results through — which he does again in the final act of the story. I have much genuine love for Nie HuaiSang tbh. He gets his revenge thoroughly but doesn’t go incredibly overboard the way most of the revenge-based characters do in the series (though he is ruthless about it). He knows his own strengths and weaknesses — he’s not a fighter, but he knows where he can find one. He doesn’t have overweening ambition beyond what he can handle. If his big brother had never been murdered, I get the sense he would have happily stayed a decorative baby brother all his life.

The Lan juniors are the cutest lil beans in creation. I love the contrast between them, because we see that Lan SiZhui is much more polite and formal than Lan JingYi, but he’s also incredibly compassionate and his heart is very much present on his face at all times. He’s respectful but openly kind. The moments when his memory is getting tickled by the way Wei Ying is behaving is also… it means so much after having seeing the drama all the way through once. And I love Lan JingYi for many reasons, but also because I think his (tbh kind of straight-up bratty) attitude implies that the Cloud Recesses have calmed the fuck down a bit about their strictness in the past decade-plus. And he finds Wei Ying’s dramatics amusing for the most part, which is cute.

Lan SiZhui recognizing wangxian — I suspect he’s remembering Wei Ying playing it rather than it being a post-death memory of LWJ playing it, since Lan JingYi doesn’t remember it at all. And because if Lan WangJi played it for anyone after Wei Ying died, then I’m not sure he would have been so certain from the start that the person playing it had to be Wei Ying. Meanwhile, Wei Ying isn’t aware of the full emotional importance of the song to Lan Zhan, and he seems to play it a couple of times as a soothing action (self-soothing here, and then to calm down Wen Ning’s corpse in episode 2)? Likely because it reminds him of being cared for by someone (in this case, of course, Lan Zhan). Wei Ying keeps precious hold of things like this and is very sentimental from what we see, and it makes sense that he associates this song with affection in the same way that he associates lotus root and sparerib soup with affection.

I am… honestly not at all surprised that people (even apart from the Lans) are using all the cool shit that Wei WuXian created even while most of the cultivation world still condemns him. That was the way they behaved when he was alive, too. They wanted his cool shit but judged him for making it.

Wei WuXian standing up for Lan SiZhui and the rest of the juniors when Madame Mo is yelling at them: he’s such a natural defender, tbh (which, of course, ends up being a big part of why he and Jiang Cheng end up at odds because WWX doesn’t limit his caretaking nature to his family but extends it to literally anyone who needs it no matter the cost). He’s nurturing in a careless/teasing way at times but he’s also very protective. And that impulse to jump in to help other people is such a big moral thing that he shares with Lan Zhan.

Okay, so, thoughts on grief as presented in the drama: Lan WangJi is well-known and beloved by the young Lan disciples. His reputation is back to being spotless, because it’s been over a decade since he did anything wrong. so, I don’t think he was publicly still grieving, though I will note that the Lan junior disciples seem relatively open to the idea that the YiLing Patriarch was probably not the worst person ever and it wouldn’t suck if he really weren’t dead after all, kind of reminiscent of MianMian’s daughter talking about how the YiLing Patriarch only goes after bad people (Lan JingYi honestly sounds hilariously excited about the idea that the YiLing Patriarch might still be alive, tbh - what have you been telling these children, Lan Zhan? lol).

So while I don’t get the impression LWJ spent most of those years openly pining, I’m sure the subject of WWX has come up, as he’s still a popular monster-in-the-night for a lot of people, and LWJ probably did defend his memory, in his own quiet but solid way. But I also get the impression overall that LWJ put his deep grief for Wei Ying in the same box as his deep grief over his mother, and he did his duty.

Then, he realizes Wei Ying might be alive and everything changes. I love that they both instinctively think of each other by their given names, too. Even when Wei Ying isn’t sure whether or not he wants to see Lan Zhan, that’s still how he thinks of him first — as Lan Zhan. And Lan Zhan just stares at the sword while it’s giving off those black smoke trails, transfixed, and when he first wonders if Wei Ying is alive and there, it’s just... Peak Romance, y’all. Peak Romance.

It does crack me up that the second Wei Ying gets the chance, he dresses himself in his own colors of black & red and doesn’t stick with Mo XuanYu’s colors. The only effort he puts into his ‘undercover’ disguise is the mask. He deserves a “I don’t think you even tried at all” star tbh.

Series Overview | Index | Next Episode

#mdzs meta #the untamed | chen qing ling #wangxian #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian | wei ying #lan wangji | lan zhan #long post #text post #cql rewatch

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nickyjohnston · 5 years

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It is a wrap for the cast of ‘Big Little Lies’, but as the sun sets on season two’s finale it begs the question: is a third season on the horizon?

The long anticipated season two finale of HBO’s award winning hit limited television series ‘Big Little Lies’ (based on Liane Moriarty’s novel by the same name) recently reached its dramatic climax on Sky Atlantic, while making its US debut prior to that. With this season under the helm of a new director, Andrea Arnold, and with many questions left unanswered at the end of the penultimate episode it seemed dubious as to how the show would match the success of its first season and deliver a fitting finale that would satisfy its viewers. Yet the culmination of season two, in much the same vein as season one, delivered on all accounts and definitely did not disappoint, drawing in the series’ biggest audience (1.98 million viewers), exceeding the figure set by season one’s finale. With a stellar ensemble cast led by the show’s executive producers, Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman, and with compelling storylines that focus on real issues that are very relevant in today’s current Me Too era, ‘Big Little Lies’ is nothing short of entertainment at its very best, showcasing some of the top roles for women on television to date.

Season two of ‘Big Little Lies’ picks up from where season one left off, with the Monterey Five continuing to guard their secret and lie about what really happened the night of the school’s talent contest when Celeste Wright’s (Kidman) abusive husband, Perry (Alexander Skarsgård), fell to his death. It also delves deeper into their five characters’ storylines, exploring how Celeste struggles to come to terms with her grief and the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband, as well as trying to deal with being a single mother, while Madeleine’s (Witherspoon) and Renata’s (Laura Dern) marriages are put to the test and Jane (Shailene Woodley) slowly begins to come to terms with the true identity of her rapist, revealed at the end of season one, and opening herself up to the possibility of dating again. Notably, Zoë Kravitz’s character Bonnie is given a bigger story arc this season, as she wrestles with her guilt over what she has done and whether to come clean, all the while being haunted by memories from her childhood.

As for Hollywood Royalty herself, who makes the already impressive lineup read like a who’s who in Hollywood, three time Academy Award winner Meryl Streep joins the cast this season in the role of Mary-Louise (which incidentally is Streep’s real name), the mother of Perry, who comes to stay with Celeste to help her while she is still grieving the loss of her husband. In as much as her animosity towards Madeline yields much of the standout comedic moments of season two, particularly when taking aim at Witherspoon’s diminutive figure, it is Mary-Louise’s quest for the truth of what happened to her son which provides much of the high drama, with her growing conflict with Celeste regarding who should have custody of Celeste’s twin boys, providing arguably some of the best dramatic moments. Both actresses deliver outstanding performances as seen in last night’s final episode, when things finally come to a head between Celeste and Mary-Louise, as they face off in a dramatic courtroom showdown, where it is anyone’s guess as to who will win.

In an HBO candid roundtable with the female stars of this world-wide TV phenomenon, each shared how this new season is about these five women who at the end of season one are drawn into somewhat of an unlikely friendship from the lie they have told and how it is interesting to explore that a lie that took ten minutes for these women to make, takes seven hours to unfold. We see how in the same way that the lie is the one thing that binds these very diverse women together, it is also the one thing that ultimately risks tearing them apart as they struggle to hold onto it and to deal with the repercussions of the dark turn of events that took place that ominous night.

A mixture of high drama and dark comedy, set in the stunning locale of Monterey, California and with a killer soundtrack, including the opening theme ‘Cold Little Heart’ (by Michael Kiwanuka), ‘the Wonder of Me’ (Villagers), ‘Harvest Moon’ (Neil Young) and the fabulous single ‘Have you ever seen the rain?’ (Willie Nelson, featuring Paula Nelson), one wonders if the show will be able to repeat its awards success that it enjoyed last year when it picked up a multitude of awards for its stars Nicole Kidman, Alexander Skarsgård and Laura Dern, as well as the hit television drama itself, but that is a question that will have to remain to be seen come 2020, as sadly season two premiered a week after the cut off date for shows to be accepted for this year’s Emmy nominations. However, already much buzz is circulating that Dern is the standout star of this season and will be sure to pick up an award for putting in a hilarious performance of Renata battling rage issues, as she faces losing her millions thanks to her husband being up on fraud charges. Yet Kidman and Streep also surely deserve a nomination for their performances as two conflicting women - one a grieving mother and one a grieving widow who is also now a single mother, none more so than for their very moving courtroom drama in the final two episodes, as the show continues to shine a very important light on domestic abuse. And then there is Kravitz who as aforementioned plays a much more pivotal role this season and who could also be in with a chance of picking up a nomination next year.

While it is clear that the friendship between its leading ladies continues to run strong, since the departure of ‘Big Little Lies’ from our screens, the show has been plagued by rumours of disharmony behind the scenes concerning female director Andrea Arnold. Yet both Witherspoon and Kidman as well as HBO’s Programming President, Casey Bloys, have been quick to deny the rumours that creative control was taken away from Arnold and to praise her talent. So what about a season three you ask? Despite the show’s heads continuing to refute the idea that there will be a third season, the closing shot of the five women filing into the police station in the ultimate episode, suggests otherwise. As much as the fans have not yet tired of the hit show, it would appear neither has its stars, with Kidman recently saying on Good Morning America, “I will go on the record and say I would love that!” We would too Nicole, but only time will tell if our wish is granted. However, if the last time is anything to go by, then fans of the show can remain hopeful that we have not yet seen the last of the Monterey Five.

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frenchibi · 5 years

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top 5 books

Hello friend!!!! This is areally really tough question bc I read so many different genres and have SOMANY FAVORITES so I’m going to cheat a little bit… I’ll give you Top3 or 4 (I have no impulse control) for several genres so you’ll get more than 5total but not like.. an inordinate number of books, ok? xD (Who am I kidding I’mgoing off the rails, no apologies)

Fantasy

The Name of the Wind(Kingkiller Chronicles Book 1) and sequel(s) by Patrick Rothfuss. Has beentalked about loads in fantasy circles and I have nothing to add other than“this is the best fantasy book I have ever read, and probably in the top 3 ofbest books I have ever read, period.” The style blew me a way, the characters are fantastic, the system of magic/power in this world is the coolest I have EVER SEEN and… yeah. I’m invested.

Howl’s Moving Castleand sequel(s) by Diana Wynne Jones. Y’all remember the ghibli movie? This isthe book this is based on and it is way, way better than the already fantasticmovie. It is ridiculously charming and witty and lovely and I recommendeveryone read it. You will not regret it. This is my ultimate comfort book, if that makes any sense.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett – a hilarious bookabout the apocalypse with absolutely amazing characters and incredible styleand wit. We’re getting a TV series this year and I am beyond stoked. Pleaseread this. It’s… just… yes. British fantasy is SO GOOD.

Honorable mention: Die Stadt der TräumendenBücher by Walter Moers. Theremight be an English translation of this, but honestly I only recommend you readthis if you can read it in its original German – I’m not gatekeeping, it’s justthat so much of its brilliance relies on in-depth knowledge about German culture,history and language and it’s inevitably gonna lose that in translation. It’sone of my absolute favorite books ever and it pains me I can’t share this withmy English-speaking friends :/

The Knife of Never Letting Go (Chaos Walking Book 1) by Patrick Ness. It’shands down the coolest YA book I have ever read and it doesn’t even… feel likeYA at all, more like sci-fi? It could just as easily have gone in the “experimental”category and I don’t wanna give too much away but… the typeface of this book ispart of its charm? Different characters have different fonts and shit? Definitelyread a physical copy of this. Also, the narrator is illiterate so he writeswords by sounding them out – and I know that sounds like that would bedistracting but trust me it’s fantastic??? Please please PLEASE give this atry.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley. Y’all want a good queerstory that’s not romance-heavy but instead has intricate worldbuilding and really cool magic? Pleaseread this, you will not be disappointed. This is a more “adult” version of YoungAdult Fiction and I absolutely love it.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab. Is this fantasy, actually? Probably. Does it haveissues? Yes. Is it still a very fun ride with a cool magic/power system? HELLYES. Also the characters are a bit older, which works very well. It’s like YAafter you’ve kind of outgrown YA.

Murder/Mystery

The Strings of Murder (& sequels in the “Frey & McGray” series) by Oscar de Muriel –listen, the main character is a little SHIT and that’s absolutely fine? Themysteries are kind of convoluted but not in a distracting way, it’s just a funseries with fun characters that I really enjoyed!

The Seven Dials Mystery by Agatha Christie (and honestly pretty much everything she has everwritten) – I have nothing to say about Agatha Christie that has not been saidbefore :’D

Phantom bySusan Kay. Now this is kind of also a drama and it’s been a while since I’veread it so idk how well it fits into the murder/mystery category but it’s aboutthe Phantom of the Opera before he became the actual Phantom (or rather, thepath to how he became the Phantom), and I have endless love for this verydramatic and mysterious and misunderstood character so… yeah :D

Collections of Short Stories

Topics About Which I Know Nothing by Patrick Ness. Yes, this is the author of “ChaosWalking” (see above), and this is a collection of a VAST variety of shortstories he has written, all of which are insanely creative and so, so fun??This man has an insane imagination and I love it, instant recommendation toanyone honestly.

Dear Life byAlice Munro – another one that I read a while ago and don’t remember that muchabout, but I remember absolutely loving this book, and that it’s one of thebooks that made me want to read more short story collections :D

The Refugeesby Viet Thanh Nguyen – an interesting bit of perspective, this book centersaround different characters who are Vietnamese or of Vietnamese descent in theUnited States. I loved how eye-opening it was tbh?? I love reading books byauthors from cultures vastly different from my own and this was wonderful.

Poetry/Experimental

Milk and Honey / The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur – two collections of very personaland touching modern formless poetry that honestly blew me away. I’m not a bigfan of classic poetry, or poetry in general, but these two books are justincredible.

Good morning, Good night by Lin-Manuel Miranda – a collection of Lin’s “good morning”/ “goodnight” tweets that, idk, give me hope for humanity? Ideal for perusing if youneed cheering up and just an all-round wholesome book to own.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn – a “novel without letters” I wouldn’t know where to placeexcept under “experimental” because its premise is basically… an island thatslowly bans more and more letters from everyday use? It’s told in the form ofletters between the characters and it’s just… such a FEAT of writing, the waythe author forces his characters (and himself) to get by with fewer and fewerletters of the alphabet? Fascinating, from a writer’s perspective, and anabsolute recommendation!!!

Sleeping Giants (Book 1 of the Themis Files) by Sylvain Neuvel. This is a sci-fi book,but it’s under “experimental” because, well – it’s told through interviews. Iwas a little confused/put off in the beginning by this style, but the jaw-droppingstory pulled me in and hooked me. It’s a sci-fi EPIC… don’t get too attached toanyone because the apocalypse is coming for them all - and you’ll be at theedge of your goddamn seat. This is a fantastic series.

Drama

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Honestly, anything by Khaled Hosseini, unsurpassedauthor of dramas that will rip your heart to shreds, and you’ll never be thesame after reading them.

Everything I never told you by Celeste Ng. This is one of those books that will never leave you afteryou’ve read it. It starts with “Lydia is dead. But they don’t know this yet.” –unravelling the mystery and consequences of the death of a Chinese-Americanfamily’s teenage daughter in gut-wrenching detail. A family story that willleave you sobbing on the floor but also filled with such profound hope forhumanity – I don’t even know. This book eviscerated me.

Homegoing byYaa Gyasi – the story of two sisters, one a slave and the other a slave-owner’swife, and their descendants. A family history of choices and consequence thatis… raw and personal and a very, very important book.

Home Fire byKamila Shamsie. The story of a British-Pakistani family – more specifically,the story of three children whose father was a terrorist. I am weak for familystories, and this one is politically charged and relevant and gut-wrenching aswell.

Novels/Fiction

The Hours byMichael Cunningham. The first book I read in a stream-of-consciousness style,and I still really enjoy the plot of it, too: The story follows three women;Virginia Woolf writing a novel in the 1920s, a woman reading this novel in the40s, and a woman basically living the plot of this novel in the 90s. It’sfascinating, really? I highly recommend it.

The History of Bees by Maja Lunde. Another story told in three time periods – a man whoinvents a new type of beehive for beekeepers in the 1800s, a beekeeper whosebees are dying in approximately present day, and a woman 100 years in thefuture who pollinates plants by hand because all the bees have vanished. It’s…fascinating, again, and a really good story. I also feel like it was quiteeducational? I enjoyed it a lot.

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. Technically this is a drama too (but shh) – it followsa black delivery nurse who is charged with a serious crime after an incidentinvolving the baby of a White Supremacist couple. It’s an explosive topic butit’s handled with a lot of nuance? Reading this book will frustrate you greatly,but I think it’s… idk, important? It shook me.

Eyrie by TimWinton. I have never seen depression portrayed more accurately than in thisbook. I was highlighting passages on almost every page – also the style ispretty cool? Snappy? Sharp? I’m not good at describing it but… yeah this leftan impact.

Non-Fiction (listen I knowthese are all by youtubers but hear me out)

So Much I want to Tell You by Anna Akana – letters written by Anna to her sister, who committedsuicide when she was 13. It’s raw and personal and important, stories aboutpersonal growth and lessons learned, about grief and regret and moving on. Irecommend this 100%.

Secrets For The Mad by Dodie Clark. A collection of charming stories and anecdotes and songlyrics and doodles – a book that reads like what watching dodie’s music videos andvlogs feels like. Safe and soft and personal. I love this.

Doing It byHannah Witton – a book about sex education that honestly everyone should read.Hannah blazes through taboos like they’re nothing more than hot air – as theyshould be. (Also, watch her videos.)

Bonus

The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. I don’t even know what category to put this in? It reads like a fable and it is just... so beautiful and enchanting. Please read it, you will not be disappointed. It’s a story of chasing your dreams and self-discovery and it’s... just wonderful.

Did I make this entire listas a means of procrastination? Yes. Am I sorry? No.

Listen I have been wantingto blog about books for the LONGEST TIME but I never took the time to because…idk, I am not involved with the book reviewer community on any platform andhonestly I’m intimidated? But I do have a lot of Thoughts so if you’ve read anyof these and want to yell about them with/at me please dm me??? Or send me anask if you want to hear more detailed opinions about any of these from me????

…yeah. Thank you for this question,man. I love books.

Send me “top 5″ of anything and I’ll respond with my favorites!!!

#French speaks #books #book recs #rec #answered #ask me stuff

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