#I was toxic too

[vizthedatum]

3.5 weeks until the year-mark of me leaving my ex-spouse in the midst of emotional and physical chaos.

This time last year… I think I was helping my bro move out from my parents’ home… denying how bad my life was. I was unemployed but working unofficially over the weekends at an art job (something that was holding together my sanity). I was severely burnt out. I was “happy” being married and in 2-5 loveless relationships/situationships (including my ex-spouse) where I didn’t feel appreciated, loved, emotionally connected to, sexually satisfied, seen, or my auDHD needs were even acknowledged (let alone met with the bare minimum). Most of them weren’t malicious but they were all selfish whether they intended it or not. None of them would have kept me around if I couldn’t entertain, teach, or get something out of me. I CHASED all of them… none of them loved me.

That’s how bad my perception of my self-worth was - I did what I always did: I pursued and was in relationships where the other person didn’t care enough to meet me halfway. None of them took their own self-growth seriously. They were all dissociated from life with their own ego, drugs, and trauma.

And I was too scared to show them or tell them what my boundaries/expectations were because I didn’t want to lose any of that. They would have absolutely left. One of my exes was already hurting me with emotional manipulation, and I know they don’t see it that way - they’d rather not even talk about it and (get this) forbid people from hanging out with me if those people want to be in their life. I treated that enby with so much fucking respect and care… and they turned on me the minute I started dating someone they didn’t like AFTER WE BROKE UP.

I honestly didn’t think I could do better.

I also dissociated with my own ego, drugs, and trauma.

I had accepted a false sense of safety from everyone while pushing away reliable people from my life.

#last year #healing #trauma #neurodivergence #harm #cw vent #cw trauma #cw coping mechanisms #toxic patterns #I was toxic too #poly #polyamory #relationships #anxious attachment #queer #heartbreak #I was addicted to breaking my own heart

[hamoodmood]

Give me back my love

#too real #real #im unloveable #a blog for the heartbroken #toxic relationship #relationships #relatable memes #girlblogging #girlblogger #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #girly things #female hysteria #whisper girl #femcel #female manipulator #manic pixie dream girl #divine feminine #relationship #female rage #relatable #romanticism #just girly things #the feminine urge #yanderecore #yancore #unlovable #ultraviolence #mentally unstable #i need someone #abandonment issues

[lotus-pear]

god i love skk sm i wish gay ppl were real :(

#LOTUS DRAWING ACTUAL POSES AND NOT JUST BUSTS??? WOAH #i swear i actually know anatomy and stuff i just never draw it bc it's too much effort #going to bed <<<<< staying up until two thirty to draw your otp #ALSO.. for those of you who know i'm rewatching bsd w my friend whose never seen it before.. we finally got to ep9 #and she IMMEDIATELY clocked in on skk's toxic exes energy😭😭 #also she calls chuuya childe bc hes a ginger and his first reaction to seeing dazai was “fight me >:)” #she was like “omgg..hes part of the evil organization🤭 and has beef w the protag (he wants to fuck them😏) *giggles* wait. TARTAGLIA😨😨‼️” #I WAS TRYING SO HARD NOT TO SCREAM.. I COULDNT LET HER KNOW HOW DISTRAUGHT I WAS HEARING THAT FOR THE TENTH TIME #anyway we finished s1 and chuuya's her fav character so far let's see if she can learn his actual name and stop calling him childe😭😭 #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

[degenerateshinji]

did i fix it

#shin soukoku #sskk #akuatsu #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd spoilers #ryuunosuke akutagawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd fanart #fanart #my art #bsd season 5 #bsd season five #bungou stray dogs season 5 #bsd anime #bones doesn't like it when akutagawa has feelings i think #i thought akutagawa was the epitome of toxic masculinity but turns out bones is worse #im like fucked up abt this because the rest of the episode was so good and the first two eps were good too so im like #did they just make a good season and only fuck up the hero vs criminal arc #because i will fucking riot

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now #writeblr #you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like #u don't HATE their partner explicitly #but ur like. what the fuck y'all #like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic #and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like #frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....'' #and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her. #all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it #or ... that it really IS good #and it's just odd to you #tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship #like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend #it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time #around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like #.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond. #so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think #but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something #but knowing you CANNOT #idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person #edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up #PS EDIT: btw i should have said: #the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every #type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #wen qing #jiang cheng #Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile. #This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature. #But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly' #My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out. #Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth. #I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity- #-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly. #Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose. #You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok #Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards. #Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever. #To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss. #Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'. #described in alt text #I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day

[ramvur]

raise crows and they'll gouge your eyes out

#i was tired of them being too nice i need them a lil bit more toxic more violent more agressive #i need more toxic gaz i need him being a lil bitch more often #sorry if this looks a lil lazy i havent done one of these in a while im feeding the machine again #the gazprice comic machine #cod price #cod gaz #pricegaz #gazprice #price x gaz #gaz x price #john price #kyle gaz garrick #codmw2 #call of duty modern warfare #codmw #codmw2 fanart #codmw fanart #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty fanart

[dollya-robinprotector]

British schoolboys assemble!

Reference from this fantastic post of @fraternum-momentum. Thank you so much, Fura-san, for letting me use the concept!! Portraits only under the cut:

And of course, a little bonus for Kylar because the social anxiety boy hid his face too good

#It's so good to be able to take a break from work and actually draw in the style I love #sketchy sketchy #toxic bestie go go go #PC is taking photo so she won't join #as much as I hate to admit I really think I couldn't fully explore the potential of the bg interactions #cuz my azz is too bad at making it looks more “dimensional” #shame on me #But at least the portraits are up to my taste so that's still good #heh #hoo boy here come the tags #robin the orphan #dol robin #sydney the fallen #sydney the faithful #dol sydney #kylar the loner #dol kylar #whitney the bully #dol whitney #dollya art #dol #degrees of lewdity #now if you excuse me I'll go to sleep

[rogueolight]

JUST LET THEM BE HAPPYYYYYYYY AND HAVE A LITTLE KISSSSSSS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭[CAR CRASHES INTO ME AND I EXPLODE]

#juriori #juri arisugawa #shiori takatsuki #SORRY. SOR #THEY TOOK OVER MY LIFE #GUYS I KNOW THEYRE LIKE TOXIC YURI STAPLE #BUT I CARE ABOUT BOTH OF THEM TOO MUCH #JUDT LET THEM HAVE A SWEET LITTLE MOMENT…. #rgu #revolutionary girl utena #i know it’s ooc. #just pretend shiori went to Normal Therapy instead #every time i watch juri episodes i throw up in my mouth. #god forbid a woman is HAPPY in gay love #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #guys it was either this or juri x harumichi cross ship. #i cannot be stopped. #TUY AWHZISYD BIFGYJ£??unhkym

[letoscrawls]

To honor Akira Toriyama i drew future Trunks aka my first ever crush

#my art #dragon ball #trunks #first time i draw him since i was 8 #i was crazy obsessed with him and i just deep dived his wiki to find out they got him a toxic problematic love interest WTF DUDE #free my man he did nothing wrong he was always the loml #i said it on twt too but if you had a crush on him and not on toxic man vegeta or man child goku you're actually EliteTM #anyways it was bittersweet to see sooo many artists i admire and look up to say that the reason they started drawing was toriyama's work #like we are all connected by the same experience and it's crazy to think he had such an influence on so many #been thinking about it all day

[mortellanarts]

You must absolutely hate me for what I did to you

#my art #revolutionary girl utena #rgu #juri arisugawa #shiori takatsuki #juriori #Guess who's been listening to Juri's songs from the utena musical way too many times lately 🧡 #I had this sketched out since the first time I watched this scene in the black rose arc all the way back like june last year #it did something to me #the strong shadows and oranges and of course the characters and conflict in on itself it clawed at me and I immediately had to draw about i #she's an orange lesbian..... just like meee... #toxic yuri #my favorite

[krashlite]

Millie Warm the Kettle,,,

i thought too hard abt bigb's POV and how in both 3L and DL he's caught between two alliances- one with grian and one with ren

something something damned if he does, damned if he doesn't

#bigbstatz fanart #grian fanart #rendog fanart #martyn and pearl are there too but its not abt them sh #did all this in a day and i feel like its obvious aha #anyways ill never be over blue sword boys ill never be over how he was the last knight of dogwarts #and i will never be over the cheater arc #c!bigb did nothing wrong #thats a solid I Guess on the trafficshipping #and to that one reblogger YES I GAVE INTO THE PANDERING #I AM NOT IMMUNE TO SONG PROPAGANDA #also what’s funny abt this is this is a part of my secret soulmates propaganda campaign #you like toxic yaoi?? well boy howdy do I have a duo for you /j #he sure does like goofy guys with homocidal tendencies huh

[dollkisses05]

Girls with daddy issues are the best gfs btw

#lena writes #girlblogging #hell is a teenage girl #gatekeep gaslight girlboss #this is what makes us girls #just girly things #girly tumblr #daddy issues #toxic dad #older man younger woman #older men <3 #oldermen #obviously doctor you've never been a 13 year old girl #i like older men #dilfism #older daddy #sullen girl #toxic bf #relateable #too real #text post #text #it’s getting bad again #girlhood #i miss him #female insanity #female hysteria #alana champion #actually mentally ill #older guys

[bernard-the-rabbit]

Because empty, monotone and just destroyed Alice was too tasty to ignore

#tbh i spent way too much time on this thing to be this mediocre #but hey #TOXIC YURI? #my trashy art #tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #alice dyer #alice tmagp #gwen tmagp #gwendolyn bouchard

[dykealloy]

Bisexual lighting generator

#alternatively: bisexual lightning generator #this is niche but i hope it finds the right audience this is for you #killer's here too because they're a package deal with Do Not Separate plastered on the box #song is Aesop rock - Toxic Coffee (Britney Spears Mashup) #one piece #op #CJ's op watch-through #eustass kidd #killer one piece #kidkiller #eustass kid #supernova trio #wano spoilers #CJ's edits #amv

[archonghoul]

Finally, the last of the requests I'll be posting until further notice! 😂🥳🎉

We have Error about to give someone a Bad Time, Ink (a likely recipient of said Bad Time) and Swad, who looks entirely too happy while holding blades. 😆☀ (Want to see the nsfw Reaper request I couldn't post here? Links below! uwu Surprisingly, this Reaper pic was the only nsfw request I ever got LMAO)

Bluesky 🔞

Twitter 🔞

#errortale #inktale #swapdreamtale #utau #undertale #error #ink #swad #p4tron requests #p4tr3on #my art #yeah looking at swad's smile makes my face hurt too #I love this guy #I imagine he'd probably look demented and eerie with all that toxic positivity in him