fightingdemonslikeflys
Haunted Soul
Fighting ADSD and PTSD is not funny, kids.
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“Some people make you feel safe in this world, Not because they understand you deeply But because they love you despite everything.”
— Kriti.G
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When you're having so many flashbacks that you feel like pulling your brain out of your head...
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Me with ADHD taking 70mg medication:
Me with ADHD not on my medication:
IS THIS A PROBLEM?
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Ich will einfach sterben gerade und ich will kein mitleid ich hab einfach grad nicht das Gefühl das durch meine Anwesenheit irgendjemand Freude oder irgendwas positives passiert
Weder du noch die kinder noch sonst wer. Ich fühl mich einfach so erbärmlich und lebensunwürdig, und ich weiß einfach auch es ist niemand da um es jemand zu erzählen, erzähl ichs dir wirst du nur noch angepisster und ich bereus. Und wer ist sonst da, niemand. Nichtmal verdammte eltern interessiert das. Ich fühl mich deshalb so minderwertig alter. Weißt du dann diese verdammte Vorstellung, ich krieg einfach das kotzen. Ich liebe dich so sehr das es einfach mein Herz zerreißt. Ich komm nicht auf das klar was hier abgeht, es ist 2019 wieder komplett am Start, ich fühl mich einsamer und verlorener als je zuvor. Aber wieso erzähl ich dir das überhaupt. Laut dir ist die Bindung eh nicht mehr existent also wirds dich nicht interessieren
You write this, guess what happens next ? Exactly, deleted and not even sended by me
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Hello world, guess what ? Today is one of that fucked up days on which u realise you reached nothing and life puts your head in the dirt as hard as possible.
A few years back, everything began turning to darkness. I was 18 years old when i met the love of my life, and trust me she is the one. In our first year we had many differences because of my family and the way they raised me, it became clear fastly that i was raised in a fucked up way, dont really know how to descripe it best.
It all ended in a breakup 1 day before christmas, and yeah i know i‘m an asshole for that i still am ashamed of it…
But thats the point when i realized what my parents and family taught me and made me. They made me follow their ways, not my own. They didnt even gave me a chance to find my own way of life, bloody fckin‘ hell.
5 months and a lot of cigarettes, alcohol and prentending to feel alright, i got my baby back on my side. This time, better. I stood up for her in front of my whole family. It made things better. Well at least i thaught so.
In July, when baby finally got her driving license, we had a fight which ended in both of use driving away in our cars. When we saw each other driving, well, our heads went numb and we had a crash. Wasnt that bad at all, i was allright and she was almost fine, bit of headache but nothing to serious. But, our cars were garbage. Not worse at all, typical beginner cars. Damage was about 5k€. After we were safe, i made the baddest call of my life. I callled my parents after an accident 🤷🏻♂️😂 fuckin hell why am i laughing
My dad was drunk and mom maybe little bit. When they arrived, my dad thought to himself :“wohoo my son just had a car crash and i dont know if he is hurt or not lets fckin punch him in the face and then attack his girlfriend“
I NEVER thought that could happen. Luckily a friend of mine was there to help, because i was fckin shocked. And my mom, well everything she was doing was playing the victim in all of this bullshit. So well there i was. My car that i loved so much was destroyed, gf had strong headache bc the crash, myself shaking, organizing the transport of the broken cars and at the same time caring about my parents because they behave like children. Even the guy from ADAC (yes i‘m german) was shocked by there behavior and wanted to call the police lol.
Soon my parents got back to their car and left. They really fckin left me there. In the fckin dirt, still medically not checked, organizing the whole thing. I never feeled so left alone before. And i didnt even knew that behavior by them. If i said it felt like i was hit by a truck, that wouldnt be true because that shit was worse. When the cars where brought away we went to the hospital, i was fine and my baby had a small concussion, not serious at all.
After that my mother in law bought us some breakfast, because the night was over and we didnt eat anything for hours (btw the crash was shortly after sunset) because my bitchass parents made up so much fckin drama of everything that i took ages to get away from there
While eating, i started to feel that numbness in my body. It slowly filled everything in me. And thats where the darkness began. Thats where my PTSD is from.
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