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loriache · 5 days

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Kabru, impossible mutual understanding & unknowable objects

Despite his concerted and constant efforts to understand other people, it’s established in a few extras that Kabru believes that true mutual understanding between certain different races is impossible. Specifically, between long-lived and short-lived races, and between humans and demi-humans. Partially, we can trace this conviction back to specific hang-ups caused by his life; the trauma of the Utaya disaster, prejudices he carries from his childhood, and his experience of racism among the elves. In this “little” essay, I’m gonna discuss how I think those experiences formed this belief, how it comes out in his actions, and how some of his actions seem to contradict it. The question of whether it’s possible to reach mutual understanding with other living beings despite our differences is one of the core themes of the manga, and I’ll also touch on how this aspect of Kabru’s character links to that.

Seeking understanding

Kabru is a character who devotes a huge amount of time and effort to understanding people, and he is very good at it. In his internal monologue, we can tell how advanced and complex his skills of analysis are. He is able to read a huge amount of information just from looking at people's faces and body language.

People are, to him, what monsters are to Laios. This is something that's been expanded on at length in other, excellent meta. It's the fact that they're foils; it's the fact that Kabru is also very easy to read as autistic, with a special interest which is the opposite and parallel of Laios'. It's something that came out of trauma and alienation, as Laios' special interest in monsters also began as a coping mechanism.

The complicated origin of this "love" for monsters and for people comes through, I think, in the fact that one of the places we see both characters use their fixation is in being very, very good at killing the thing that they love. This also ties into the idea that loving something isn't even remotely mutually exclusive with using it to sustain your own survival; using it for your own purposes; hurting it or killing it. Love can be, and often is, violent, possessive and consumptive. This understanding is part of what makes Kui's depiction of interpersonal relationships so compelling to me.

While Laios fixated on monsters and animals to seek a place of escape, in both his imagination and his self-image, from the humans who he couldn't understand and who couldn't understand him, Kabru seems to have fixated on understanding people in order to navigate the complex, socially marginal places that he has been forced into throughout his life. As an illegitimate child raised by a single mother with an appearance that marked him out as different to the point his father's family wanted to kill him, and a tallman child raised among elves who didn't treat him as fully human and wanted him to perform gratefulness for that treatment – treatment that, after he met Rin at age 9, he certainly always understood could be a lot worse – his ability to work out what people wanted from him, whether they were friendly or hostile or had ulterior motives, wasn’t just an interest. It will have been an essential skill.

Milsiril, I think, was a flawed parent who tried to do her best by Kabru and did a lot of harm to him despite her best intentions. She may have treated him much better than an average elf would have, but like Otta and Marcille's mother, there are other elves with different outlooks on short-lived races. How would they judge her treatment of him? We don’t have any insight on what it could be, but to be honest, the person’s whose opinion of her I’d be most interested in knowing is Rin’s.

But even if she'd been perfect, living as an trans-racial adoptee in a deeply hierarchical nation with a queen who is a 'staunch traditionalist' who wouldn't even acknowledge the existence of a half-elf like Marcille (according to Cithis) is an experience that would deeply impact anyone.

Elves & Impossible mutual understanding

While Kabru was living with Milsiril - in other words, while living in the Northern Central Continent - he came to believe that "there was no way to achieve mutual understanding with the long-lived races."

This is evident in his political project: he wants short-lived races to have ownership over the dungeon's secrets. Despite his dislike of the Lord of the Island, he's a useful bulwark to stop the elves taking over. Despite his doubts about Laios, Laios needs to be the one to defeat the dungeon, because if he doesn't the elves will take over.

Kabru still carries a deep scar from Utaya, one that was exacerbated by the fact that he never got an answer to any of his questions about what happened or why. This, despite the fact that Milsiril knows about the demon and how it works. Do you think Kabru, with his social perceptiveness that borders on the superhuman, wasn't aware that she knew more than she would tell him?

Given that, the fact that he gets to a place where he "doesn't have any particularly negative feelings about [elves/long-lived species]" .... well, to put it bluntly, I believe that he thinks that's the case, but I kind of doubt it. After all, if he did have resentment, of Milsiril (someone who was his primary provider and caretaker since age six, and who despite her flaws, loves him and who I do think he loves) or of elves (who he has had to play nice with for most of his life, in order to survive, and will still have to play nice with in order to achieve his goals, since they hold all the power) what would that do except hurt him and make his life harder? Kabru is Mr. Pragmatic, so I don't think he'd let himself acknowledge any such feelings he did have. Exactly because he can't acknowledge them, they're well placed to get internalised as beliefs about the Fundamental Unchangeable Nature of the World.

However, these stated beliefs seem to contradict his actions. Despite his belief in the impossibility of forming a mutual understanding, he certainly seems to try to understand long-lived people, just as much as he does short-lived people. There's no noticeable difference between his treatment of Daya & Holm versus Mickbell & Rin that isn't clearly down to their relationship with him. His skills of human analysis were honed and developed while living amongst elves, and as soon as he's alone with Mithrun he immediately sets to understanding him - his interests, his motivations, his needs, and his past.

He treats him considerately and without bias, and despite the fact that Mithrun conquering the dungeon for the elves is both a reenactment of a core part of his childhood trauma and a political disaster for his aims, that doesn't seem to colour his perspective on Mithrun negatively at all.

This is something I find extremely laudable about Kabru, and it's another way he parallels Laios. He seems to understand that people, as a rule, (in Laios' case, he understands this about monsters - and eventually, all living beings) will act in their own interests, and if those interests conflict with yours, might harm you. But that's just their nature, and it's not something that should be held against them; you're also doing the same thing, after all. The crux of Laios' arc is precisely that he has to accept the responsibility of hurting someone else in order to achieve what he wants.

Kabru is deeply concerned with his own morals, what he should and shouldn't do, but mostly in the context of responsibility for the consequences - a responsibility he takes onto himself. He isn't scrupulous about what he needs to do in order to create the outcome he wants, but if he fails to create that outcome, then....

He blames himself to the point of thinking he should die. He doesn't blame Laios, or seem at all angry with him, despite concluding he should have killed him to prevent this outcome. That's because in his eyes, ultimately Laios was going to act according to his own nature, and it's Kabru's fault for not understanding that nature well enough. He's extremely confident in his ability to understand and predict others, (including elves and other long-lived people). Then, where does his conviction that mutual understanding is impossible come from?

Partially, it's the "mutual" part. I'm sure Kabru, who isn't able or willing to deny Otta's insinuation that Milsiril saw him more like a pet than a son, has felt that his full interiority, the depth of his feelings and his ability to grow, act, and think as a fully equal being, was something that the elves around him just couldn't grasp. Because that was their excuse for it, he came to understand this as a gulf between short-lived and long-lived beings, an inevitable difference in outlook caused by their different lifespans.

This experience might be part of what leads to his iconic “fake” behaviour. He trusts his ability to understand others, but if they aren’t able to understand him, then there isn’t any benefit to being honest about his feelings and thoughts. If his attempts to reach mutual understanding with his caretakers were never able to be fulfilled, then it isn’t any wonder that he reacts with such surprise and horror at blurting out his desire to be Laios’ friend.

In his experience, making yourself vulnerable in that way only leads to being hurt. Soothing him, hushing him, lying to him, talking to him like a child that isn’t able to use proper judgement – that’s an inadequate and deeply hurtful way to respond to genuine distress, the desire for autonomy, or disagreement. Ultimately, I think that’s why he comes out on the side of being grateful to Milsiril; because she did equip him with the skills and knowledge he’d need to reach his goal, and let him go.

Though he could understand them, they couldn't understand him. To the extent that was true - which I'm sure it was - it wasn't due to anything about lifespan. It was due to the elves’ racism, and the solipsitic mindset & prejudiced attitude that it caused them to approach him with.

Because, if it needs to be said, the idea that there is an unbreachable gap in understanding between the long-lived and short-lived species is not true. Marcille and Laios have a much greater difference in lifespan than any full elf from any short-lived person, and they’re able to understand each other – maybe not perfectly, but better than many other people who are closer in life-span to them.

That doesn’t mean that I think Kabru is wrong about this, however. Because there’s an interpretation of his statement that is reflected in his actions and is true. When he talks about his problem with elves, it’s not just their attitudes: it’s their power, and what they use it to do. They “explain nothing and take everything”. Though it’s presented in the guise of ‘guiding and protecting’, in fact it’s a simple case of a powerful nation using their military power, wealth, access to resources, and historically stolen land – including the island itself – to protect their own interests and advance their own agenda. That’s why they’d be able to show up, seize the dungeon, and forcibly take Kabru’s party and Laios’ party to the West. If Kabru wants to stop that from happening, or change that status quo, persuasion or a bid to be understood would be completely pointless. Between the political blocs formed by long-lived species and the interests of short-lived species, “mutual understanding”, given their current, unequal terms, would be impossible. This is something that we see reflected in Kabru’s actions; before he asks his questions about the dungeon, he grabs Mithrun as leverage. He never really attempts to persuade the canaries to see his point of view, because that would be pointless: they’re agents of the Northern Central Continent’s monarchy, and will act in its interests regardless of any individual relationship with him.

I don’t think Kabru sees the different dimensions of this belief of his in quite such clear terms, however, as is evidenced by the other group who he thinks it’s impossible to communicate with.

Demi-Humans & Unknowable Objects

The other place that we see his conviction about the impossibility of mutual understanding is in the kobold extra.

I'm including the whole thing, because I think it's an excellent and clever piece of world-building. Aside from what it says about Kabru, which I'll expand on shortly, what this extra does is deconstruct and call into question the usual "fantasy ontological biology" present in these sort of DnD-like settings. Essentially, the kind of worldbuilding where a race (such as kobolds) can be described as war-like, and that's establishing something essential about their biological nature. That's common to the point that if Kui didn't include this, some people would probably come away thinking that's the case about, e.g., the orcs.

But here, despite what Kabru is saying, the information the reader actually gets is:

the conflict between short-lived humans and demi-humans such as kobolds is mostly over access to material resources that they need to survive.

These resources are scarce because powerful nations, such as the elves, have monopolised them.

Kabru, who has grown up in a place at the centre of these conflicts, ascribes essential, negative traits to a cultural group which was in direct conflict with his own. Communication with this other group is impossible; they aren't people, they're more like objects.

oh yes! just like this conflict between groups of tall-men, a conflict which the reader will immediately interpret as more clearly analogous to real-life racism. Our other protagonists also carry prejudices from growing up in a place where a marginalised group was in conflict with the dominant group over scarce resources. It's definitely impossible to communicate with these people, and you can only kill them.

Woah, when you say it like that, it sounds pretty bad!

But also, nobody walks away having had a realisation or unlearned their prejudices - because they don't have the tools they need to do that work. Yet. I do think, to an extent, it could happen - especially with Kabru, since it's suggested in the epilogue that Melini might become a safe-haven for demi-humans.

To focus in on Kabru, the key here is his statement that you should think of demi-humans as "unknowable objects". Even his extraordinary powers of understanding have seemingly hit a limit. Part of this is just inherited prejudice, and doesn't need to have a complicated psychological explanation, any more than the elves who were prejudiced against him need one.

But also... this is probably somewhat linked to the way demi-humans seem to be considered "pseudo-monsters". They're the place that the strict delineation between the human and the monstrous is permeated. Laios, who is not interested in humans, remembers and is excited by Kuro. Chilchuck and Laios argue over whether it's OK to eat a mermaid. Kabru's prepared to (pretend to) roll with the idea that Laios ate the orcs.

But these are people, aren't they? Of course, this is a social construction, as we see from the fact that in the Eastern Archipelago, the label of "human" is reserved for tallmen, but in most of the rest of the world it depends on some obviously arbirary classification based on number of bones; "demi-humans" aren't in any essential way monstrous, except to an extent in their appearance, and physical location - due to their marginal social status, they're pushed out to live in unsafe places such as dungeons.

Therefore, Kabru's view of demi-humans as fundamentally "other", unable to be understood - monstrous - could be read as akin to abjection, the psychoanalytical concept described by Julia Kristeva. In order to create a bounded, secure superego, that thing which permeates and calls into question the border between self and other, human and animal, life and death, is rejected and pushed to the margin.

“Not me. Not that. But not nothing, either. A "something" that I do not recognize as a thing.[...] On the edge of nonexistence and hallucination, of a reality that, if I acknowledge it, annihilates me. There, abject and abjection are my safeguards. The primers of my culture.” (Kristeva et al., 1984, p. 11) “It is thus not lack of cleanliness or health that causes abjection but what disturbs identity, system, order. ” (Kristeva et al., 1984, p. 13) “The pure will be that which conforms to an established taxonomy; the impure, that which unsettles it, establishes intermixture and disorder. [...] the impure will be those that do not confine themselves to one element but point to admixture and confusion.” (Kristeva et al., 1984, p. 107) (discussing food prohibitions in Leviticus)

This is both (due to its affinity with food-loathing and disgust) a very fruitful concept to apply to dunmeshi, and a psychoanalytical theory which I wouldn't exactly cosign as True Facts About Human Psychological Development. You may also know the abject from its utilisation in the classic essay "Horror and the Monstrous-Feminine" by Barbara Creed - that's a lot more approachable than Kristeva if anyone's interested.

Key here, though, is that through the symbol of the "demi-human" is embodied a step between "human" and "monster" - and that's a prospect that puts at risk the whole notion of an absolute separation between those two categories in the first place. To Laios, that's something wonderful, and to Kabru, it's terrifying. We can see this principle further embodied in the relationship both characters have with the notion of becoming monstrous.

To Laios, this is transcendent, and represents a renunciation of everything human - in fact, if it didn't, it wouldn't "count".

To Kabru, it's a deeply-held fear, established by his childhood alienation (due to his illegitimacy, his eyes, and perhaps also his neurodivergency), deepened by monster-related trauma and the sense of responsibility and survivors guilt he feels for what happened at Utaya. His identity as a human who is not monstrous is key to his sense of stability and safety; he doesn't want to touch monsters, he doesn't even want to see them.

To acknowledge a kinship, a possibility of similarity between the things he loves (humans) and the things he hates (monsters) would be more than touching them - it would be putting them inside him. We know, quite explicitly, that this notion is triggering to Kabru. He literally has what seems to be a flashback when he's about to eat the harpy omelette.

So he abjects it, classifying the demi-human as fundamentally unlike him - an unknowable object, or an object that he refuses to know. Because in understanding it, he would interject the things he hates and fears into his self, which is already, always under threat by that hated and feared object.

Of course, again, Kabru isn't very good at enacting this refusal in practice. For one, when he chooses between his desires and ingesting the feared object, eating monsters... he eats monsters. Part of this is treating himself badly, the "ends justify the means" mentality. His goal is to destroy all monsters, so if he needs to become monster-like to do that, he will. But part of it is also the other motivation that he didn't even seem to know about until he said it: he wants to become Laios' friend, and to learn from him how a person can like monsters. He wants, at least in some part of him, to reconcile the feared and hated object into something he can understand.

For another:

Kabru can speak the kobold language. In the first place, while this may have been common in Utaya, it also could have been something he chose to learn, an early expression of his interest in understanding and talking to all sorts of people. It isn't the kind of thing you learn if you believe that communication between yourself and the group that speak it is impossible, is it?

It's possible to harbour prejudices against a group while being kind to an individual, and given Kabru has those prejudices regardless of his reasons, that is what he is doing. But also, his treatment of Kuro doesn't reflect a sincerely held belief that he's an "unknowable object" at all. His approach is exactly the same as it is to any other person: an analysis of goal and motive, and an attempt to help if he's sympathetic and their goals align - going out of his way to give language and local knowledge lessons in secret. His conviction that Mickbell and Kuro will truly become friends when they can properly communicate is completely contradictory to any sense of demi-humans as fundamentally different, or impossible to reach mutual understanding with. To me, it seems like this self-protective shield against the corruptive force demi-humans as an idea present to his identity, this abjection, when Kabru is face-to-face with one, just simply can't hold up against his finely honed skill of intellectual empathy. Perhaps because he's autistic, it seems his "empathy" is less an emotional mirror response, and more a set of cognitive skills for analysis of others. That instinctual, emotional empathy might not trigger when presented with a member of an out-group, but if it’s possible for Kabru to turn his cognitive empathy off, we don’t see him do it.

This isn't to say that this prejudice doesn't affect his behaviour. For one, it could negatively impact his judgement of politics and policy, where individual people don't enter into it. For another, I'm not convinced he'd be willing to overlook Mickbell's exploitative relationship with Kuro if Kuro wasn't a kobold. As it is, since both of them are satisfied, he doesn't feel like he needs to intervene, regardless of the fact Mickbell isn't paying Kuro. But if Daya and Holm were in a relationship, and Holm took both Daya's and his own share from their ventures, but only compensated her in living expenses and kept the rest, do you think he'd tolerate it, for example? Even if she said it was OK?

Conclusion

The kelpie chapter establishes that "people can never know what monsters are really thinking." That isn't just true of monsters, though.

True mutual understanding is impossible - between anyone. We can never truly understand another person's heart. This is touched on in, for example, the existence of shapeshifters and dopplegangers. Even a monster that seemed like a perfect copy of a person wouldn’t be that person, and wouldn’t be a satisfactory replacement.

We’re intended, I think, to understand the winged lion's repeated suggestions to just replace people who have been lost with copies as something uncanny, which demonstrates the way that the winged lion never manages to attain a complete understanding of humans. A version of a person who was created to fulfil your memories of them, to be the person who you wanted them to be, would be a terrible, miserable thing.

Disagreeing, coming into conflict, and misunderstanding each other, are essential parts of what it means to be living beings, as fundamental as the need to eat.

The only thing to do is not to take more than you need to eat to survive, and not impose your own desires onto others. To do your best to sincerely communicate your desires, even if they're embarrassing or vulnerable or strange, like Kabru eventually does with Laios; like Laios does, bit by bit, with the people around him; like Marcille does, Chilchuck does, Senshi does... to hope they will accept you, and do your best to understand them in return.

We can re-examine, in that context, Kabru's line about the elves' tendency to "explain nothing and take everything".

They have the power to impose their preferred "menu" onto less powerful groups. And in that context, mutual understanding being impossible just means that they won't give up their power because they're asked nicely. Kabru's goal is to seize the truth that they won't give to him, and to create a situation where they can't take everything. Because he's accurately surmised that nothing about the treatment of short-lived races will change so long as the power imbalance remains. Despite the way he mistakenly ascribes part of that to "long-lived vs short-lived" or "human vs demi-human", the actual gulfs in understanding he identifies are structural, are about power and about access to material resources and safety.

I think he could come to recognise this. Yaad is teaching him political science after all, and while a prince's lessons on political science won't exactly get at much that's radical or invested in the interests and perspectives of the marginalised (Capital is a critique of for a reason after all...) I believe in Kabru's ability to learn critically and get more from a lesson than it was intended to teach.

#og post #kabru of utaya #kabru dungeon meshi #laios touden #dungeon meshi meta #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #dungeon meshi analysis #kuro dungeon meshi #the canaries #milsiril #continuing to develop my kabru theses.#literally sitting and thinking about kabru all day. rotating him.#he's in the microwave. to me.

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vigilskeep · 6 months

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back and even bulkier with another powerpoint! i opted for spreading the information out in a hopefully engaging way over limiting the number of slides. the circle is a BIG, big topic, with such focus over the course of the games, so if i didn't cover anything useful, you want to know anything more specific, or equally if i made a mistake and missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know ily!!

transcript below the cut! my eternal thanks to @bisexualcommandershepard for providing one for the previous powerpoint and in doing so reminding me to get my act together, you have my sword

zevsurana’s guide to the circle of magi

can’t tell your circles from your chantries from your colleges from your conclaves? boy, do i have the powerpoint for you!

hit me with the basics

under the law of the orlesian chantry, every mage is required to join the circle

a mage who does not join the circle, or escapes one, is labelled an apostate, a crime punishable by death or tranquillity

tranquillity is the process by which mages are branded on the forehead, robbing them of their emotions and magic

at the end of their apprenticeship, each mage is taken without warning to their harrowing. they must choose between being sent into the fade for a dangerous test against possession, or tranquillity.

it is illegal to make harrowed mages tranquil, but they are still required to live under the circle’s supervision

depending on which text you believe, there are 14 or 15 circles under orlais’ chantry.

[this slide is accompanied by an image of a map of thedas. there are small markers spread across the map on 12 locations, mostly in orlais and the free marches, but included everywhere except tevinter and seheron.]

these are the known locations!

i didn’t include starkhaven’s, which was destroyed in a fire at the start of da2, or jainen’s, which is mentioned in an online game but as another circle in ferelden makes the dao plot make no sense. i suppose that would have gotten us up to 14 but i’m not doing it. cope

hierarchy of the circle

there are six ranks:

the grand enchanter is the mages’ direct representative to the divine. in our time, this is grand enchanter fiona, who famously stated “fuck the divine”

the first enchanter leads each circle. theoretically, their permission is needed for a mage to leave the tower, for a harrowing, and for a mage to be made tranquil. in practice, their actual power depends hugely on their political skill and their corresponding knight-commander

the senior enchanters are the most experienced mages in a circle, and advise the first enchanter, who will select one of them as their successor

those who have gained the rank of enchanter (also known as junior enchanters) are now expected to mentor apprentices

the simple rank of mage designates those who have passed their harrowing. an inhabitant of the circle fully capable of magic might say “i’m not a mage, just an apprentice”

the apprentices are children and young adults who have not yet completed their harrowing

outside of this hierarchy are the tranquil. they instead belong to the ‘formari’, who perform enchantment and sell enchanted items to produce the circle’s wealth

(it’s really important to me that you know the different ranks usually have different coloured robes to mark them out. i can’t explain that all here because it varies from circle to circle and we don’t have all the data but i think that’s so fun that i have to point it out even though it makes this slide super crowded i hate it i’m sorry)

politics of the circle: what are those first enchanters even doing?

an ideal first enchanter should govern their circle as a quasi-parental figure who can protect their mages while maintaining an uneasy balance and accord with the templars

they are also an administrator managing their circle’s finances

a weak or unskilled first enchanter can spell doom for their circle just as much as one at odds with their knight-commander

the college of magi is a council of all first enchanters

the college regularly meets in cumberland, nevarra, to discuss circle policy and elect the grand enchanter from among them

politics of the circle: what’s this about frat boys?

once a mage achieves the rank of enchanter, they may join a political fraternity

choose your fighter:

the largest fraternity, the aequitarians, are centrists

the loyalists are chantry bootlickers

the libertarians seek greater power and independence for the circle. the resolutionists are an even more radical group that emerged from them

the isolationists wish mages to withdraw from society completely

the lucrosians prioritise the accumulation of wealth and influence

the aequitarians maintained an alliance with the loyalists until the final vote to rebel, when wynne’s son rhys, asked to represent the aequitarians by first enchanter irving, voted with the libertarians

that was a lot of politics.

let’s take a breather because we haven’t even gotten to history yet oh boy

[this slide is accompanied by two pieces of dragon age concept art of white-haired mage women casting spells. one is an older human white woman who may be wynne, dressed in ornate robes and casting purple magic with a casually imperious gesture. the other is the concept art for warden surana, an angry-looking young elven white woman with a palm full of icy magic.]

hot circle mage concept art break. of course you have white hair and [caps lock begins] one thousand points lightning damage-- [caps lock ends]

but where do circles come from, i hear you cry

well, when two semi-circles love each other very much,

the year is 1:20 divine, and our questionable hero is kordillus drakon…

the circles had existed long before this, of course, in a very different form: elite tevinter academic societies

but right now, the south is in chaos. the first inquisition’s reign is coming to a close. the second blight is fifteen years underway with no sign of stopping any time soon, and will rage until 1:95 divine

kordillus drakon, the very first emperor of orlais, has a budding empire and a budding chantry that look like they might die in the cradle… unless he can continue enlisting mages against the darkspawn

we may wish to take a moment to register that kordillus drakon apparently looked like this. Sure.

[this slide is accompanied by concept art of kordillus drakon. he is blond white man in vaguely iron age dress, with an interesting hair cut including bangs, a high half ponytail and a very large moustache. he wears a swamp-green cloak and a black fur pelt over a green and white striped tunic, with a hand-axe slung through his belt, and crossed garters over whatever combination boots and pants he's wearing, which seems to be one singular garment.]

the solution to drakon's problem?

the nevarran accord

“what do video game enjoyers love? fantasy historical treaties? yeah, probably” – bioware, constantly

and they’re right unless you’re a joyless hater

the nevarran accord was agreed between the newly formed chantry and the original inquisition in 1:20 divine

the people of the south feared magic, but they also wanted to be able to use its power against great threats like the darkspawn

in one move, the circle of magi, the seekers of truth, and the templar order were created

some mages considered the circle a refuge in a world full of terror. to others, it was a prison

but this is dragon age, so maker forbid we would only be told one version of events

there is also a codex entry called ‘history of the circle’

it describes the mages of the divine age as chafing under being allowed to do little more than light candles and lamps for the chantry… as if there wasn’t a fucking blight going on

in protest, mages snuffed out the eternal flame in the grand cathedral at val royeaux, and barricaded themselves in the choir loft. divine ambrosia ii attempted to call an exalted march on her own cathedral, but even her templars discouraged her

shouted negotiations were conducted for 21 days before the mages “went cheerily into exile” in a remote fortress, separated from society into the circle for “the first time”

nerd's note:

personally, i would understand this as the circle as an organisation being created with the accord in 1:20 divine, and the mages being relegated to this lesser role after the greatest battles against the darkspawn, with the establishment of circle of magi towers after the protest. there’s no date of events on this codex, but since it mentions templars, it has to have been post-accord.

i would also take this account with a grain of salt in-world, as it was written by sister petrine, a controversial writer to the chantry, but nonetheless a chantry scholar.

this has been a lot of chatter about mages. but there’s an elephant in the room, and it’s looking at us suspiciously…

the circle and the templar order

the circle does supposedly have nominal independence from the chantry…

Knight-Commander Greagoir: I promised you aid, but with the Circle restored, my duty is to watch the mages. They are free to help you, however. Warden: I thought the templars were in charge of the Circle. Knight-Commander Greagoir: The templars guard and advise, but the first enchanter has the last word in what happens in the Circle.

...

Warden: Won’t the Circle of Magi do what the Chantry says? Alistair: Technically the Circle of Magi is independent. We don’t know that the Chantry won’t support us, of course. Morrigan: You truly believe that? Alistair: If we speak to the First Enchanter, he should see that his responsibility to the Grey Wardens supersedes anything the Chantry or even Teyrn Loghain might have to say about it.

… but since when has power ever gone where it’s supposed to?

as world of thedas volume 1 explains, “Although the Circle is supposed to be autonomous, a heavy Templar presence in all Circle towers has effectively made the organisation an arm of the Chantry for ages.”

a first enchanter can quickly lose all the power they allegedly hold

even in the best of times with a skilful, well-intentioned first enchanter, templars reserve the right to send mages to the dungeons, to take away their children, to kill any who leave the circle, etc. as a matter of course

grand clerics reserve the right to grant the right of annulment

generally, the system is maintained by a mutual interest in avoiding open conflict

the templars are the ones in power with the chantry’s full support. if they drive the mages to open conflict, their comfortable routine is uprooted

templars are equipped to hunt down individual mages, even blood mages and abominations

templars are not equipped to be outnumbered or face even numbers. mages are simply far more powerful in a fair fight than they are. lyrium can only do so much

...

mages, meanwhile, operate under the not entirely unfounded belief that the outside world is entirely hostile to them

at least if they remain, they can keep an uneasy balance in which most mages survive, their existence tolerated by the chantry. they can continue studying among their own kind in the only home they know

if they openly rebel, they may throw aside what limited protections and goodwill they have. mages like wynne outright state certainty that if they rebel, “genocide” will follow

furthermore, those mages with more status have more access to privilege. they’re also the ones who have best passed the chantry’s tests. thus, those in a position to lead are least inclined to rebel

you only rebel against the circle because you think less of your children are going to die starting a war than they are in here.

and, uh, on that cheery note… any questions from the class?

#zevsurana academics #dragon age #circle of magi

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tearful-bat · 9 months

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yandere alphabet w! Damian Wayne

yandere!Damian Wayne x reader

word count: 1K

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get? Damian isn't used to physical affection so I can't really see him giving his darling any. He’d probably show his love by buying you things and making paintings for you

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling? Very - if someone was flirting with you he wouldn't be afraid of beating them to a bloody pulp or if he saw them as a real threat to your love he’d kill them

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them? It kind of depends on how you react to him he would try to be a little kinder to you once he abducted you but if you kept trying to escape he’d hurt you and would mock your escape attempts.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will? If you kept defying him he’d probably do things against his darlings will other than that would generally only force you to sit beside him while he's painting, reading or working on cases because he enjoys your company

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? Damian's usually closed off with most people but since you are his darling and he’s infatuated with you he would try and be vulnerable and bare his heart to you - especially since he wants you to reciprocate his feelings. It’s canon that Damian reads Shakespeare so I imagine he’d try and bare his heart through poetic words

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back? Wouldn't be afraid to hurt you if you fought back and would openly mock your attempts

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape? Yes, is confident in his skills so he knows he can always find you when you escape but doesn't like it when you do but secretly enjoys it and watching your attempts at trying sometimes even lets you escape for the thrill of catching and punishing you

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them? One time when he was angry and fed up with you escaping and you were running away from the manor he caught you and broke your leg

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling? Would definitely want to marry you and probably have kids, but ultimately just want you to be there for him to comfort and nurse him

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope? Absolutely, would yell at you if you got too close to someone and if someone was trying to flirt with you he would beat them bloody. In extreme cases, if someone was successfully courting you he would kill them

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling? He’d try to act sweet to you, would be more soft-spoken and encourage you to do activities with him

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling? Would buy you anything you’d want and would try to win you over with poetic gestures and his art

Mask: Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else? He acts totally different around you. He's less harsh and tries to be more gentle with you

Naughty: How would they punish their darling? Would confine you to a room, take away things that made you happy like your TV or books and if you escaped wouldn't be very gentle in how he detained and brought you back to the manor would even starve you for a day or two

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? Not many, again he's confident in his skills so he’ll let you live quite freely in the manor

Patience: How patient are they with their darling? When he first abducts you is quite patient with you but as time goes on he gets less.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on? You’d probably never be able to escape and if you died he would just bring you back with the Lazarus pit

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Not really he feels abducting you was necessary and would never let you go

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)? Growing up in the league and being Robin not getting enough attention from Bruce he craves affection so if you give him the slightest bit of affection and you don’t judge him in how he acts he gets infatuated with you

SPOILERS!!! (for batman rebirth 2016) after the death of Alfred, Damian craves someone to give him and nurture him and he looks towards you for that

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves? would feel slightly bad but he feels abducting you was necessary

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere? He follows his father's no kill rule so will only kill unless he has to and once he abducts you lets you live quite freely

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape? Not much, maybe his craving for affection from his darling might be able to use that to manipulate him

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling? Yes, deems it necessary in teaching you a lesson

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over? Damian ultimately just wants you to love him. He's got daddy and mommy issues alright and just wants someone to care for him and he sees you as that person who can fulfil that so will do mostly anything to win you over

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap? He would try to isolate you and get you to rely on him for things and manipulate you into trusting and spending time with him once he's got you in that position he would abduct you

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling? Wouldn’t want to but if it was his last option he would

#damian wayne x reader #yandere batfam x reader #yandere damian wayne #yandere damian wayne x reader #damian wayne x you #damian wayne headcanon

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npdmonoma · 4 months

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No amount of rational arguments are going to sway narcissistic abuse believers, because their beliefs aren't logical to begin with. They're emotional. Their abuse wasn't taken seriously, they weren't protected, they weren't treated with kindness, and that's devastating. I won't downplay that, because I know exactly what it feels like and it's torture.

But they're still wrong, and that matters.

To them, belief in narcissistic abuse serves two functions. The first is that it legitimizes their pain. If they can position their abuser as somehow worse than "normal" abusers, they can garner more sympathy. It's an understandable impulse, and one that I ironically heavily relate to as a narcissist. But I also know that just because something feels good to me emotionally, that doesn't necessarily mean it's okay for me to do. If I have to hurt others, then I need to find another way to get that validation. This is literally a skill I'm learning to cope with my NPD.

The second function it serves is to give them a sense of safety. If all the Bad People are easily identified by a checklist of narcissistic traits, then they can easily spot any potential abuser and escape further abuse. But it doesn't really work like that. Not only do they end up targeting a ton of people who aren't abusers, they also leave themselves open to abuse from people who don't fit their idea of narcissism. It's a lose/lose situation.

Ultimately, the emotional needs underlying the belief in narcissistic abuse need to be addressed so these people can get rid of these toxic beliefs and become better people. They need to do a lot of work on themselves, but they also need support systems that can give them the validation and comfort and safety they crave without having to hurt others to get it. If that sounds familiar, it should. It's the kinder version of what everyone keeps demanding from us narcissists.

If you're a narcissistic abuse believer and you've read this far, this post probably didn't make you feel very good. Maybe it made you angry, or made you doubt yourself, or even triggered you. If that's the case, you probably aren't ready to listen to me right now. That's fine, I get it. But once you've calmed down, you won't have any more excuses. Come back and read it again. Think about it. Internalize it. And then you need to fix your shit, because I can't do it for you

#narcissistic soliloquizing #actually npd #npd safe #actually narcissistic

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babygorewhore · 9 months

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Headphones. Kyle Spencer comfort.

Just a quick little Drabble I wrote during a shitty day. Not a full fic.

You’re having a horrible day. But Kyle decides to show you exactly what you mean to him. WARNINGS! None!

You had a horrible day. You had gotten into a huge fight with your parents, you couldn’t seem to grasp the simple spell during your practices and Kyle had been glued to his iPad all day. Preoccupied with his cartoons.

You collapsed onto your bed, one that Kyle sat next to you during and you sighed with the emptiness that overcame you. Were you even good enough to be here? This school was designed to make you grow as a witch, Cordelia had her counsel, insisted you were doing well but you just didn’t believe it.

You had showered, wrapped yourself in your pajamas and stayed in the silence for several minutes as Kyle had his headphones on. Something he did for comfort. But who was going to comfort you?

You always held everything together. You never showed weakness or displayed how much it upset you to see Madison sneer at you, or every disappointment in everyone’s face when you couldn’t complete a spell.

Your breath hitched, tears prickled your eyes and you buried your face in your hands. Sobs started escaping from your throat, your body trembled. You didn’t belong here. You weren’t any use. You weren’t good enough. You choked on a gasp.

Arms encircled your shoulders, you lifted your head to see Kyle, his brown eyes wide from your emotion and his eyebrows were creased. His blonde hair hung above his brow.

“Why are you sad?” You had been helping him with his speech, he preferred to be quiet but his stuttering had improved considerably given his previous condition.

“Oh, Kyle. I’m no use here.” You wiped away your tears and tried to smile before it fell. “I shouldn’t be here. I don’t do any good.”

He shook his head before wiping away a tear with his thumb. “No tears.” He whispered.

“I wish I could make them stop.” You confessed. “But I don't know what to do.”

“You help me, a lot. So I don’t get so angry.” He offered while his hand remained on your shoulder.

“That’s true.” You laughed quietly. Looking at your palms.

Kyle shifted beside you, pulling out his headphones and gently placing them on your head. “What are you doing?” You quietly asked and then he started humming a song you frequently sung whenever you thought no one was listening.

“Deep-deep breaths.” He coached, guiding you to mimic his breathing. Something you did for him, multiple times whenever he needed help. “It’ll help y-you.” He insisted.

You couldn’t help the soft smile that came over you, he was offering exactly what you do for him. Whenever he became upset about his mother, whenever he didn’t understand something, this routine always calmed him down.

“Gentle-breathing.” He continued, nodding his head as you did what he said.

“Thank you, Kyle.” You said to him, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek.

He blushed lightly and ducked his head down for a second. Then he looked up at you. “Love-love-love you.”

Your heart warmed. In this moment, this was everything he had. The same coping skills, your favorite song. He really meant it.

“I love you too, Kyle.” You opened your arms and you both embraced each other.

#evan peters #evan peters imagine #american horror story #evan peters fanfiction #personal #evan peters x reader #tate langdon #ahs #ahs fanfic #kit walker #Kyle Spencer #kyle spencer x reader #kyle spencer smut #evan peters x y/n #evan peters fanfic #evan peters characters #evan peters x you

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gaileyfrey · 3 months

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I'm seeing tons of people dive deep into Hugo Awards discourse and analysis so here's another set of numbers to get invested in.

If these numbers make you want to use your time and skills and money to a useful purpose, here's a round-up of links and resources for you.

If these numbers make you feel like you might as well just shut down and ignore the ongoing genocide in Gaza, there's resources for you here, too.

Resources for others

This informational Google doc is updated almost daily with information and direct actions Canadians can take to pressure the Canadian government into withdrawing its support for genocide by demanding a permanent ceasefire.

Learn what it actually takes to escape Gaza. If you are currently wondering why people don’t “just leave,” this reading may help you develop a new understanding of the situation.

Donate to the Red Cross. As a dear friend told me when I expressed a feeling of helplessness, this is almost always a good move when you’re not sure how to help.

Donate to Doctors Without Borders, who are working to facilitate the movement of medical supplies and staff.

Get involved with PCRF, an organization that provides quality medical care to children throughout the Middle East regardless of nationality, religious or political affiliation.

Connect with Jewish Voice for Peace, an organization committed to the liberation of all people. They continue creating opportunities for you to turn your rage and grief into meaningful, strategic action.

Check out and share these resources, curated by Room Magazine, including ways to call on governments to demand a ceasefire, how you can donate and support the relief efforts, ways to fight disinformation, and a reading list to educate yourself. This list includes resources for Canadian citizens looking to take action.

Check out and share additional resources, curated by Autostraddle, including international legal and humanitarian aid resources, and organizations that are currently on the ground in Gaza providing medical aid and support.

Use Resistbot to message all of your representatives at one time, demanding a ceasefire, immediate humanitarian aid, and an end to occupation.

Resources for you

Those who bear witness are not at the center of destruction, but that doesn't change the fact that bearing witness is painful and can be scarring. If you need help managing your reaction to exposure to this subject and subjects like it, especially on social media, here’s a helpful image-free resource based on Trust & Safety best practices. This resource is oriented toward people who must engage with violent and traumatizing content as part of their work. If you can’t cope with bearing witness, then you can’t help people who are truly hurting when they need you. Taking the time to attend to this isn’t self-centering or weak—it’s a matter of making yourself more useful, and it’s a skill that will serve you in the long term. Here’s that link again.

Strengthen your media literacy. If you are consuming a huge amount of new, emotionally intense information, you need skills to parse that information into understanding. This isn’t a matter of simply being smart—it takes active critical engagement. Click here to download a pdf of some media literacy basics, dive into some deeper questions here, and continue learning fundamental skills of media literacy here.

Attend to your nervous system. You’re not meant to be able to handle situations like this one well. That’s the whole point of war. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Here’s an old Stone Soup post that rounds up some tips for taking care of yourself when your nervous system is screaming at you. This is a starting point, not the finish line—self-care is the foundation you build on.

#gaza #palestine #mutual aid #resources #how to help #hugo awards #discourse

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dreadark · 3 months

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orv epilogue talk

initially the explanation behind the fourth wall bothered me a bit because I was fine with it as is… a literal fourth wall the dokkaebi king isn’t really much of a character so like why should I care about this idk…

but then I realized. the point isn’t what it is but rather why

the dokkaebi king only became the wall because of han sooyoung’s wish to protect kim dokja. during orv the [fourth wall] skill saves his life countless times, but at the same time it dulls all his emotions so he can't fully connect with everyone else

that’s just the literal events that happened. symbolically, han sooyoung’s wish was expressed through her writing twsa for him, and by escaping into the fiction of that world, kim dokja was able to survive. at the same time, using fiction to cope with reality like that has him feeling disconnected from the world and everyone else in it… and that’s what led to him making the 49/51 decision he sees his place as just a reader—an outsider to everyone else's story. because that's how he survived

so maybe han sooyoung’s desperate wish to save him back then also doomed him..? but that really was all she could do then...

#orv #orv spoilers #han sooyoung #kim dokja #struggling to put this coherently as usual #also this parallels lee sookyung really well…#writing that book was her trying to protect kdj #it was the only way she knew how. the only way she could #and kdj was saved from being known as a murderer…#but being known as a murderer’s son still doomed him #imperfect salvation born from a pure love…#well. that’s kim dokja’s whole thing isn’t it #orvposting

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nickeverdeen · 3 months

Note

hello!

I wanted to ask if you could write some Mike Schmidt best friend-to-boyfriend headcanons?

thank you, I hope you are having a great day! :D

Mike = purple text

You = orange text

————————————————————

Mike Schmidt best friend to boyfriend hcs

You join Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza as a security guard, working alongside Mike during the night shifts

And at first he was very against it not wanting you to get hurt, but despite it there was no stopping you

Mike is naturally protective, especially when it comes to yours safety during the night shifts at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza

He makes sure you have a secure route to your car after work and double-checks the security measures

Mike is meticulous in planning their strategies for dealing with the animatronics

He shares cautionary tales and warns you about potential risks, ensuring you are well-prepared for any surprises

Even on their nights off, Mike regularly checks in with you to ensure you’re doing okay

He might send a text or drop by for a quick visit, always making sure that you feel supported and safe

While Mike is generally serious and cautious, there are moments of quiet camaraderie between him and you

The unspoken understanding between you provides comfort, especially during tense situations at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza

Mike is always prepared to take swift action if the animatronics become a threat

Whether it’s reinforcing security measures or coming up with escape routes, he ensures they are both ready for any scenario

Mike and you share the responsibilities of the night shift equally, each looking out for the other’s well-being

You both understand the dangers of your jobs and rely on each other for support in the face of uncertainty

Mike and you develop a tradition of grabbing late-night snacks together after your shifts

Whether it’s a run to a nearby diner or a quick stop at a convenience store, you use this time to unwind and share stories

To make your job a bit more lighthearted, Mike and you come up with humorous code names for each animatronic

This inside joke helps you cope with the eerie atmosphere and adds a touch of humor to your conversations

Mike and you provide emotional support for each other, understanding the unique challenges of working at the pizzeria

You share a glance or a nod that conveys more than words ever could, a testament to the deep connection formed through your shared experiences

Without realizing it, Mike starts paying extra attention to you – remembering small details about your likes and dislikes, and occasionally going out of his way to help you

Mike, caught in the whirlwind of his emotions, occasionally slips out unexpected compliments, praising your skills or expressing admiration for your qualities

Mike finds himself laughing a bit too heartily at your jokes, his laughter carrying a subtle hint of nervousness as he navigates the fine line between friendship and something more

Mike exhibits subtle signs of having a crush, such as nervous laughter, blushing when you compliments him, or fidgeting when you’re around

He might suprise you with thoughtful gifts or gestures, like bringing your favorite snack or leaving a supportive note

There’s an unspoken chemistry between you and Mike during your shifts, with lingering gazes and shared smiles that suggest something more beneath the surface

When someone else shows interest in you, Mike can’t quite conceal the twinge of jealousy that crosses his features, though he attempts to play it off casually

He refuses to admit that he was jealous no matter what

To cover up his true feelings, Mike resorts to playful teasing, pretending it’s all in good fun while secretly cherishing the moments he spends with you

During quiet moments in the security office, the unspoken tension hangs in the air, but you both find comfort in the silence

You start noticing your heart racing a bit faster when Mike is around

Yet you dismiss it as mere camaraderie, unaware that Mike is experiencing a similar thing

Both of you become increasingly attentive to each other’s needs, offering small gestures of kindness without realizing the deeper significance behind your actions

Casual touches become more frequent

Like arms brushing against each other while reaching for something, but neither acknowledges the subtle yet electrifying contact

As you both discover shared interests and hobbies, you become even more entwined in each other’s lives, oblivious to the fact that these shared passions are deepening your connection

Both you and Mike experience moments of confusion, attempting to decipher your puzzling emotions without realizing you are unwittingly mirroring each other’s internal struggles

The line between friendship and something more starts to blur

You exchange lingering gazes, caught up in each other’s eyes, yet both dismiss the intensity as a byproduct of your strong friendship

Unbeknownst to them, the entire pizzeria buzzes with the energy of an unspoken connection, as if the walls themselves are silently rooting for the inevitable revelation of your mutual feelings

They exchange lingering gazes, caught up in each other’s eyes

Mike begins subtly updating his wardrobe, trading in the worn-out security guard uniform for slightly more polished and fitted attire

Unbeknownst to him, the change doesn’t go unnoticed by you

As you start to do the same Mike offers you compliments

During casual conversations, you exchange grooming tips and product recommendations, inadvertently assisting each other in their quests to look and feel their best

One day when you mentioned something along the playful lines with how he’s getting weaker he remembers it

Mike starts hitting the gym during his free time, aiming to stay in shape and present a more confident image

He experiments with different hairstyles, much to the subtle fascination of you

Mike might actually shave giving you more ways how to tease him

There are days when you unintentionally coordinate your outfits, leading to shared smiles as you navigate your shifts together

Both you and Mike steal glances at each other’s transformed appearances, each unaware of the mutual appreciation brewing beneath the surface

Mike, testing the waters after some time knowing he has to confess to you one way or another

He begins incorporating inside jokes into your conversations, carefully crafting humorous remarks that carry a hidden layer of sentiment only you might catch

In a departure from your usual banter, Mike introduces a new, more tender form of teasing that hints at a deeper connection

Mike starts surprising you with thoughtful gifts, each item carefully chosen to reflect shared memories or inside references

These things become subtle symbols of his growing feelings

In moments of camaraderie, Mike unconsciously initiates more intimate gestures like:

A comforting touch, a lingering gaze (that hint at a desire for something beyond friendship)

His compliments take on a new tone, subtly highlighting aspects of your personality or appearance with a warmth that transcends mere friendship

Mike starts rearranging his schedule to spend more time with you

This creates opportunities for you to share moments that go beyond the confines of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza

He begins treating your interactions like a puzzle

Dropping hints and pieces of the confession subtly across different conversations, leaving it to you to assemble the full picture

As his feelings intensify, Mike can’t help but steal more meaningful glances at you when you’re not looking, the unspoken connection growing stronger with each shared moment

Slowly, Mike reveals more vulnerable sides of himself, sharing personal stories and fears with you in a bid to establish a deeper emotional connection

During a particularly ordinary shift at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, Mike finds a moment of quiet amidst the familiar hum of animatronic antics and the occasional shrieks from the security system

He chooses a casual tone, not wanting to make a big scene or disrupt the regular flow of the night

In the midst of discussing routine tasks, he subtly redirects the conversation toward more personal matters

As the night progresses, Mike weaves his confession into the conversation, acknowledging the deeper feelings he’s been harboring

His words carry a sincerity that resonates in the dimly lit security office

“You know, working here with you every night has been the highlight of my day… and there’s something else I’ve been wanting to say. You know how we’re both surviving these nights with the animatronics? Well, there’s one thing I’ve been unsuccessful at surviving – my growing feelings for you.”

To ease the weight of the moment, Mike introduces a touch of humor, using laughter as a bridge between the ordinary and the extraordinary.

You, initially caught off guard, join in the mirth

After his admission, there’s a brief, understanding silence between you two

Mike gauges your reaction, the atmosphere tinged with a mixture of vulnerability and anticipation

He reassures you that there’s no pressure to reciprocate the feelings, emphasizing the value he places on your friendship regardless of the romantic outcome

Rather than letting the confession linger uncomfortably, Mike smoothly guides the conversation back to its initial lighthearted nature, ensuring that your interaction remains comfortable and familiar

You couldn’t keep still after his confession, your fingers tapping rhythmically against the desk

Mike, observing your restlessness, raised an eyebrow inquisitively

The silence stretched, filled only by the faint hum of machinery

Breaking the quiet, you hesitated, “Mike, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”

In an attempt to keep things light, you playfully mentioned a shared moment, “Remember that time Foxy almost caught us? Got my heart racing, but not as much as you”

Just as you mustered the courage, an animatronic’s clang echoed through the office

Mike, sensing the moment, held up a hand. “Wait, let’s make sure we’re not about to die before we dive into serious talk.”

“We’ve been through a lot here, and I don’t want to keep anything from you,” you admitted

A jump scare on the monitors startled you both into laughter

Amid the chuckles, you confessed, “You know, if we can survive this place together, maybe we can handle something a bit scarier – like, I don’t know, feelings?”

After your cofession he managed to get the courage and finally try to ask you out

“We’ve faced jump scares, malfunctioning animatronics, and eerie quiet nights. Think we can handle a date night too?”

Of course you accepted it

Mike cleans up his place, making sure the occasional pizza boxes and soda cans are out of sight.

He puts on some low-key ambient lighting to create a comfortable atmosphere

Mike opts for a neat but laid-back look – maybe a clean shirt and jeans.

He debates between sneakers and something a bit dressier, ultimately settling for the comfortable option

Wanting to keep it simple, Mike decides on making dinner

He goes for a homemade pizza or pasta – something he can prepare without the risk of burning down the kitchen

Abby had the best time in her life teasing him and she actually helped him with his clothes eventually

You arrive, maybe with a small gift or a dessert to contribute.

You’ve put thought into their outfit, wanting to look good for the night

Vanessa helped you out just like Abby helped Mike out

You and Mike work together in the kitchen, laughing off any culinary mishaps

You sit down to enjoy the meal, the conversation flowing naturally

The evening is marked by shared laughter, building on the camaraderie you’ve already developed

After dinner, you decide on a movie

The choice of what you two are going to watch is 100% yours

As the night winds down, Mike walks you to the door, expressing his gratitude for the enjoyable evening

Standing at the door, Mike offers a casual invitation for another night like this

You agree, leaving with a sense of contentment and the promise of more shared moments in the future

You and Mike continue to enjoy casual outings together

Whether it’s grabbing coffee, going to a movie, or even revisiting your favorite pizzeria, you find comfort in simple yet meaningful activities

Though you haven’t explicitly labeled your relationship, there’s a natural understanding between you two

As a break from the outside world, you have cozy movie nights at home, complete with takeout and snacks

Abby loves you and even tells you embarrassing stories about Mike that he did not mention to you

Laughter becomes a constant in your relationship

Whether it’s Mike’s witty remarks or shared inside jokes, you find joy in the simplest moments

Mike has his fair share of challenging nights at the office

You become a source of support, offering a sympathetic ear and sometimes surprising him with a snack or two

In public Mike is comfortable with casual displays of affection

Hand-holding, a light touch, or an arm around your shoulder become common gestures, especially when you’re strolling through public spaces

PDA 7/10

A subtle protective instinct emerges

Mike tends to keep an eye out for your surroundings, ensuring you feel secure in public settings

Your dynamic remains lighthearted in public just like in private

While affectionate, Mike respects your personal space in crowded places

He’s mindful of not making you uncomfortable and adapts his gestures accordingly

The couple finds joy in sharing small moments in public – be it trying out a new restaurant, attending events, or simply enjoying a leisurely day at the park

Mike, though accustomed to the peculiarities of his night shift, brings a blend of warmth, protectiveness, and genuine affection into his public interactions as a couple with you

Mike cherishes cozy nights spent at home with you

Whether it’s watching movies, playing games, or simply enjoying each other’s company, your private space is a haven

(I’m not sure if I mentioned it already or not if yes then I’m sorry)

You embark on shared cooking adventures, trying out new recipes together

Mike might not be a gourmet chef, but you enjoy the process and revel in the results

There are many times when you have to call Vanessa to save the kitchen or the whole house from burning down

She is kidna tired of this and keeps reminding you that she’s not a fireman, but on the other hand she doesn’t mind that much

Private moments allow for unfiltered conversations

You and Mike discuss your day, share dreams, and engage in deep, meaningful talks

Movie marathons are a common occurrence

From horror films (which Mike might find oddly familiar) to classic comedies, he creates a cozy nest with blankets and snacks for you two

In your private space, Mike is a pillar of support

He encourages yours pursuits, offering unwavering support in your personal and professional endeavors

You curate a shared playlist, a collection of songs that hold special meaning for you two

Overall he’s very protective of you and likes to take care of you

#mike schmidt x y/n #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt x you #mike schmidt #mike schmidt fnaf #best friends #best friends to lovers #request #headcanons #five night’s at freddy’s movie #five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie

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burrotello · 1 month

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I recently heard of this AU and I’m already invested! But I’m a tad curious, but how did Pomni get in the fighting scene in the first place? What exactly is she escaping from?

She’s less escaping from something and more finds it as a great release! A de-stresser if you would. She originally plans to only use the Fight Club on occasion, but you can see how well that went for her!

Getting stuck within the game only aided her in getting better at it and taking it from a coping mechanism to a genuine skill.

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iluv4my · 1 month

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From Isolating to Connecting - How I Changed My Coping Skills

When people get stressed their coping mechanisms often make things worse. Some people turn to drugs, alcohol, or smoking. Others spend all day on social media. It is very important to have healthy coping mechanisms.

My coping mechanisms were not good. I noticed that they were making me worse. I used to spend all day on YouTube. I realized that i was not becoming the person i wanted to be

The first step in my journey was to identify my unhealthy coping mechanisms. I noticed that i would often turn to social media when i was feeling anxious or bored i would spend hours mindlessly scrolling through my feed comparing myself to others and feeling increasingly isolated.

I also realized that i would sometimes binge watch TV shows or movies as a way to escape from my problems. While this would provide temporary relief it would ultimately leave me feeling even more stressed and unproductive

Once i had identified my unhealthy coping mechanisms i could start to replace them with healthier ones. I began by setting limits on my social media use. I decided to only allow myself to use social media for a certain amount of time each day and i made sure to use it in a more mindful way

Then I started doing journaling a lot like a lot i use self discovery journal prompts to get know my self better and i started keeping myself busy to prevent any unnecessary thoughts that could lead me back to my unhealthy coping mechanisms. I realized the importance of continuous learning and trying new things in life so i began to explore various topics i was interested in. I set myself tasks gave myself deadlines and sought knowledge from the internet to avoid overloading my mind. I created a knowledge journal to organize the information i gathered. I started reading self help and poetry books as well as creating my own poetry. I began to learn about paintings, philosophy, literature, and how businesses work. I watched documentaries and listened to podcasts to fill in the knowledge gaps within me. Learning about the history of the world and many other things helped me avoid negative thoughts and instead filled me with knowledge. Now i look at life from a different perspective 🐚🪕🦢

It has been a journey but i am proud to say that i have come a long way in my quest to find healthy coping mechanisms. I am now better equipped to handle stress in a positive way and i am more confident in my ability to overcome challenges.

End note :

I know that i am not alone in my struggles and i hope that my story will inspire others to seek out healthy coping mechanisms. If you are struggling with unhealthy coping mechanisms please know that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you and it is possible to find healthy ways to cope with stress

And just be Be patient with yourself. It takes time and effort to change.🪷🪞✨

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000marie198 · 9 months

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There are way too many things to analyze in this scene!

First of all, I couldn't help but notice how Nine hid away his strengths and capabilities. He internally loves and enjoys a little gloating and all but when he senses it could have a consequence, he hides it away. The same way he tends to hide his tails! The same way he refuses to fly in front of others (the only times we've seen him fly is either in front of only Sonic or to save Sonic. And just once when they were escaping from the Egg Forcers back in Escape from New Yoke City. He remained cautious throughout afterwards to not fly in front of the Resistance again.) Anyways, here in the beginning of this scene, he hides away what he can do bcoz a part of him has figured out that letting Eggman learn anymore of his capabilities could lead to a consequence, he just doesn't know what it could be.

"You think I have vision and imagination?"

There is scepticism in his voice, not hope or confidence or smugness. He knows what he can do and he is trying to hide it.

.....

Secondly, using Nine's intellect against him in a tricky way. It seems Mr Dr Eggman - ugh, this name is a mouthful, I'll just refer to him as Eggman - it seems Eggman's skills lie much more in manipulation tactics than previously presumed. He's also using the fox's insecurities to hit him where it hurts.

......

Moving on to the third thing- Nine, when his deepest insecurities were being pointed out, we could see in his eyes that the words were having an effect on him. He's a traumatized kid still and just because he had learned to fight back doesn't mean he still can't get hurt. He did get hurt in this scene.

But then he blinked and instantly composed himself and smirked back. An act. Both a coping mechanism and a method to fight back. Hide your vulnerabilities, hide and pretend to be unaffected by what hurts you so the other wouldn't succeed, so the other wouldn't keep it up. Nine did just that. He diverted what was thrown at him and turned it around.

"I'm pathetic? You're the ones with unlimited power and all you can think to do is build a bigger robot."

A deflected strike back and criticism on the other instead of falling on defending himself cuz that would've both implied he felt insecure and would've revealed his capabilities. That was one psychological attack he dealt against, which indicates he might've suffered from it in his life before (no wonder he's so bitter about the city and its inhabitants).

.....

Moving on, he clearly has as much confidence in Sonic as Tails often does, like a brother, that's pretty sweet. He has full confidence and belief that the council can't beat Sonic and he feels both smug and happy about it. He's gotten attached to the hedgehog just as much.

Whatever his goals are, whatever his end motives will be, a part of him has genuinely accepted Sonic as his kin and did so long ago, right when he asked Sonic, "What else did we do?" It's clear from analysing his character in this scene that Nine never willingly shows any of his insecurities to anyone, much less vulnerabilities. He is never open with others but in that moment, he consciously made the decision to be vulnerable with the hedgehog, to let some hope and yearning take over him in that moment. He trusted Sonic. He still cares about the other just as much.

......

And finally, that one thing that happened to poor Tails in SA2 just happened to Nine. Even the reaction is the same! Tails accidentally revealed that Sonic had the fake Emerald, Nine accidentally revealed how to be on the same level as Sonic. And both times, Eggman manipulated his way through it to get confirmation from the fox. Which is both kinda regretful and funny. I like how they sneaked in that easter egg.

Also, the way he panicked and worried and blamed himself right afterwards he cares about his friend so much! Ufhevxjfjtjfjfjjgj

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lassieposting · 2 months

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So like, Poppy Playtime is one of those things that I enjoy watching whenever a new section drops, but don't usually get particularly invested in, but if there's one thing guaranteed to give me brainrot, it's a codependent friendship between a deeply damaged, morally questionable killer and a lonely, mixed-up kid who idolises him. So naturally Chapter 3 has me in my feelings about the Prototype and Theodore Grambell.

And that got me thinking in general, which gave me a theory.

The Prototype - or, at least, whoever became the Prototype - had a military background.

If you think about it, the Prototype's skillset - while horrifying in an escaped monster on the rampage - would be an asset in a soldier, and more than once we see him use abilities that would probably be best explained by military training.

We know he's tech-savvy, mechanically skilled and good at improvising under pressure and time limits: he strips down an alarm clock in his cell - which he'd have to do quickly, because he's under constant surveillance - and makes a laser pointer from its parts to disable the cameras. These seem like skills that would benefit a soldier, who would be familiar with stripping his equipment - his gun, for example - down to parts to clean and reassemble them, and who might need to know how to fix a vehicle or a radio or use improvised parts in an escape from hostile territory.

Based on the fact that he's appeared unexpectedly multiple times now to claim the bodies of dead and dying mascots at exactly the right time, it's likely that he's been tracking the Player - silently and without being seen - since they entered the facility. He's doing recon, watching to see what the Player does, what their goals are, whether he needs to worry about them, and whether or how he can use them to his own benefit.

He can stay silent under torture. The tapes confirm that Sawyer continued experimenting on him even post-transformation, and the Prototype's description of these sessions makes it clear that there is nothing ethical or humane about them: "You stick us...beat us...tear at flesh." But Sawyer himself confirms that - other than snarking at him on that one tape we see - the Prototype has been silent, stubborn and uncooperative throughout. Soldiers can undergo Resistance to Interrogation training to teach them to cope with torture tactics; the only thing they're allowed to reveal is their name, rank and ID number. If the Prototype has already had this kind of training, it would make a lot more sense why he's able to keep silent when most people, adult or no, would be desperately cooperating and begging for mercy.

He's fiercely intelligent, excels at manipulating situations to his advantage, and is shown in Project Playtime to be capable of marshalling and directing the other fight-capable mascots. He's also a creative, ruthless tactician who seems to favour surprise attacks - the Hour of Joy works because it takes the entire facility unawares. The escape attempt where he hides from the camera relies on the security specialists panicking at his having vanished in a matter of seconds and rushing to do damage control, forgetting the camera has a blind spot. This thing is a strategist, and he's good at it.

Now, from what I've seen, it seems to be a popular theory that the Prototype was created from Elliot Ludwig. I'm not sure whether I really buy into that, but if it were true, it would actually work well with this little theory of mine.

We know that Ludwig was a young adult - probably in his 20s and 30s - in the 1930s and 1940s. He's old enough to have gotten married and to get divorced, and to have started his own company.

And where were all the 20- and 30-something men of America during the 1930s and 40s?

Conscripted. Fighting World War II.

So if he was created from Ludwig, or from any adult in Ludwig's age bracket, it is very likely that this is not the Prototype's first ugly war. Playtime Co are not the first monsters he's ever seen doing horrific human experimentation on captives and trying to cover it up. He'd have seen it all before, and he'd know there would be no stopping any of it without collateral damage. So when he gets his opportunity - the Hour of Joy - he's ruthless about it. He wipes out every human in the Playtime factory. If he fought in one of the major wars of the 20th century - WWII, Vietnam, etc, depending on the age of whoever was used - that would also explain why he goes to that extreme. Plenty of guilty, awful people escaped justice after those major conflicts, and he doesn't want that for the Playtime scientists. He'd rather massacre every employee, whether or not they knew about the experiments, than risk one who deserves death getting away.

idk I just think that whole idea makes his behaviour and motivations make a lot more sense

#poppy playtime #vidya gaems #the prototype #experiment 1006 #poppy playtime meta #poppy playtime headcanons

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lakesbian · 3 months

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taylor would use bugs to cheat at escape rooms.

brian would attempt to get everyone to follow his plan

alec would try to guess the end lock to immediately escape before solving any puzzles

i think taylor would try not to cheat on the escape room but accidentally do it anyway and 15 minutes in she would start listing information about a mechanism she absolutely should not have or something and everyone would be like Uhhh and she would be like 😐what. sorry. lisa's thing is she still needs to feel like the smartest person in the room even though she can't really play so she's Commentating, Condescendingly. brian is without doubt expecting everyone to follow his plan and he goes from ":D what a cool and practical girl we are solving this escape room so efficiently together" to being misogynistically insecure as taylor contributes to and then significantly outstrips his plan in terms of skill. he's coping by trying to micromanage rachel. i think rachel would not like any of the logic puzzles involving trivia or some other such thing she does not know but if you (by which i mean taylor) gave her a more physical puzzle or something to fiddle with she could sit down quietly and have a fine time with it. if alec is there pre-aisha joining the team i think he would try 2 participate by making a mediocre suggestion and then when he gets kind of ignored or steamrolled over hes like welp im bored let me know when we're out...and sits back and tries to take a nap. if alec is there after aisha has joined the team they sitting in the back of the room trying to hide from the camera with a passworded box that's already been opened and figuring out what the mechanism for setting the password is and then changing it to PENIS. and giggling. these are my inexpert opinions on what the undersiders would do at the escape room what do you all think they would do

#ask #wormblr #parahumans

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seeminglydark · 11 months

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Idk if this means anything to you but I'm a comic artist who's had a hard time doing art for a few years. The first four was because of life hardship and lack of time/chronic pain, but now lately I've had time but a mental block. I'm creeping up on 30 and felt bad about myself for "missing out" on my opportunity to be a comic artist. It was really validating to see you post about being 41 (correct me if I'm wrong) especially since you have such wonderful comics that I've been following for a while now. It makes me feel less like I'm wasting my time putting my things in order when I "should" be drawing.

Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive or anything. It was just comforting and validating. Anyway, big fan! Love your characters a whole lot and hope you have a good day!

Dear Anon

I am 41 years old. I have wanted to make comics my entire life. before my dad got sick, and my childhood kinda fell apart, all i did was draw. after that, i used the stories in my head to cope. life moved on. i was convinced not to accept a partial scholarship to an art school in California. life got hard. i worked at a hotel, and after i escaped an abusive relationship at 22 i hitchhiked/bused far far away to start over. i tried to make comics again, but i had to survive, and so i got another job doing the only thing i knew how to do, hotels. and i worked. and worked. and life got harder and times got heavier and i didn't get time to draw and i worked double hours, 15 to 17 hours a day. and i went four years without drawing a single thing.

i kept working myself into the ground. i was 29 now. i picked up a pen again and drew a red haired boy. he had a hard life and no love and no friends. his problems were on the outside, for everyone to see. he ran away but his problems went with him.

i was 32. surely i was too old now. my time to be an artist was gone. i had no school. no hope. i was so far behind the younger gen i saw online. i cried. all the time. i wrote stories in my email drafts while i worked shifts. i stayed up late trying to learn how to draw again. i cried some more. the boy grew. i called him Fiach. worthy. a raven. later i renamed him Avery. he was like a bird, he had wings, he was my hope. i started writing some friends for him. the people i wished i had around me.

i started finding time and space. i got a new job, something where i was lucky enough to set my own hours. for the first time i had a partner who believed in me. things were hard. but i was drawing now. and that helped.

i went on a road trip and i started drawing pages of an unnamed story on 6 by 8 paper in a sketchbook. i drew 20 of them. 'what could i call this?' i thought. Nothing Seems as Dark...no says my partner. Seemingly Dark. he made me a logo. i was 35. i bought an ipad, i cant do this on paper, its too much story i have too much to say. so i learned how to draw digitally by tracing my own trad art pages.

I spoke to my dad for the last time on June 17th, fathers day that year. he said 'you're good. i'm proud. and you're gonna do amazing things. none of this is your fault. and we will speak again soon.' i didn't know id never hear his voice again. he died a week later.

i turned 36. i kept trying. i'm old, i don't understand the internet. how can i share this?

i stumbled across Lore Olympus. i was introduced to webcomics. id read comics online before but the thought never occurred to me. i opened an account on Tapas. and then i stared at it. what if no one likes it. what if its bad. my art isn't good. i should wait til i'm better. but will i ever really be better? or will i always believe that tomorrow is better? do it now. if even one person gets something out of this story, this story about a boy who is you, a boy who looking for hope, a boy who might make it, then that is enough isn't it.

June 17th 2018 i launched Seemingly Dark.

SD's five year anniversary is in a week. 0ver 700 pages. leaps and bounds in progress with my skills. a printed comic under my belt as of monday. i was always a storyteller. but i was always an artist too.

I am 41 years old, dear anon. I did not truly embark on this journey til i was 35. life got in the way. even now, chronic illness gets in the way. but its worth it. its never ever too late. i believe in you the way my dad believed in me. i reset my life again and again. but I was always an artist. and if thats who you are, and who you want to be, even if things dont go the way you wished they could, you're an artist too.

im 41 years old. i speak about my age, even though i often feel too old to belong in spaces, cuz really, in this case age is just a number. take care of yourself. do what you need to do. and little by little, when your able, carve out your space until it becomes more of a habit. sometimes i think about all the years i lost not drawing or creating. but there's a lot of factors that make me believe had i made my story then, it wouldn't be the story it is now, i needed to live a bit. i needed to find myself. i know this was long, but i just wanted you to see i also had to put my life in order, and getting notes like this reminds me it wasnt at all a waste. im glad i could offer you some comfort. thats honestly the best compliment i could ever receive.

TL;dR I was 35 when i sat down and seriously started making comics, because life always got in the way and so did my confidence. i always feared being too old. im 41 now, still going strong.

#rj rambles #this is really long im sorry anon #i think my late comic blooming story is kinda important for people to hear #thankyou for giving me a reason to tell it

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