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andrewmoocow · 4 years

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Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants chapter 4: The Deadpool and Peridot Show (originally posted on August 29, 2020)

AN: Welcome back to The Fantastic Mutants everyone. This is a very special chapter because here I have a co-writer, whether I like it or not.

Surprise everyone, it's me Deadpool! Since this kid refuses to get his writing done quickly, I've taken it upon myself to "help" him out since no one can understand me better than me. Now then, back to my cohost here.

Yes, Deadpool of all people has decided to help me. Though I'd rather do all of this myself without any distractions.

Kinda like how this author's note is distracting us from the actual main event! Now let's just get this rolling already!

We begin on a talk show set in a blank white space, inhabited solely by a drop-dead handsome mercenary dressed in a beautiful shade of red with hints of black that was currently tearing it apart for no good reason. You know him, you love him, it's the sexiest anti-hero to have ever graced this dying industry, Deadpool.

"Thank you, thank you all!" yours truly bowed for an unseen audience as he finished tearing the set apart. "Now if all y'all have been lying under a rock since like, I don't know, '91, I am known as Wade Winston Wilson. I was created by Rob Liefeld and Fabian Niecieza for The New Mutants #98 in February 199-"

"Wade, I believe everyone knows who you are already." My white thinky-box, represented by a bold underline, cut me off. "You're already an Internet legend and of course, there's Ryan Reynolds."

"Can we just can the prologue already?" my yellow thinky-box, also represented by underlining but this time it was in italics. "There's gotta be people coming here solely for us who don't know what's going on."

"Okay wiseguys, you asked for it." the man who looked like a cross between Ryan Reynolds and a Shar-Pei underneath that creepily adorable mask replied. "So in case you guys are just joining us, this is a crossover with the modern classic with some of the most psycho fans in the Internet, Steven Universe." I explained. "Last chapter, our smol sunshine baby of a protagonist was kidnapped by the Master of Magnetism Magneto for some most likely evil science experiment by our favorite evil dictator with a superiority complex to compliment his tiny dick, Doctor Doom. In response, the Crystal Gems have decided that they need more hands on deck, and more characters than this story already needs."

"What does he want this to be, the DC Extended Universe?"

"I'd watch that mouth if I were you buddy." I called the dialogue box out. "Our author here has had experiences with those fans. If that Englishman can think he's free to call MCU fans Marvel Zombies, than he's free to have his own opinion. But someone that fanatical deserves to be called something similar, like a DCheep! Get it, because he's a sheep!"

"Can we please move on? This recap has already taken up two pages and I got real-life things to do." The author begged Wade.

"Okay, okay! Let's get this started already, keep your pants on!" the masked macho-man declared, marching off stage in an alluring fashion. "Cue scenery!"

Not too far from Westchester County, there was a shitty apartment where dwelled the hideously scarred human mutate, Wade Wilson. He was out like a light after the badass battle to the death he totally had last night, no joke. Not even a chimichanga could wake him up, and he didn't care that much for them. Yeah, no joke.

"Come on you sack 'a crap, wake up!" his blind, black, elderly roommate Blind Al groaned while fishing Wade out of bed with a snow shovel. "How much off-screen carnage puts you this much to sleep?"

"Enough for readers to get a glimpse of what I do in my spare time." Deadpool declared as he woke up, looking like he had a fantastic night's sleep. "Morning Al, off to do a crossover, see ya later!" he hurriedly greeted the old woman before leaving his room.

"Should I tell him he's not wearing pants?" Al muttered to herself. "Naw, he'll figure it out himself."

And figure it out he did. Immediately after that scene, Deadpool was wandering around the street fully clothed and ready to get this chapter over with.

"So, can we have our co-stars please show themselves?"

The author complied by dropping Connie, Peridot, Lapis Lazuli, Bismuth and Nephrite into the scene. "Wait, how did we get here?" Peridot wondered aloud. "And who are you?"

"Ooh, I get to hang with everyone's favorite character!" Deadpool cheered. "I've been writing up jokes about the fans I've been wanting to say for quite a while." He added to the readers while searching his hammerspace for cue cards. "Let me see, Molotov cocktail, big-ass cartoon bomb, reminder to sue Marvel & Capcom for leaving me out of Infinite, God knows how many machine guns."

"Uh, while you're looking for whatever it is you want, let me introduce myself." Connie introduced herself. "My name is Connie, pleased to meet you."

"Hey, can you put your cue-card search on hold and say hi to the kid?"

"Ah, here they are!" Deadpool declared as he fished a series of flashcards from seemingly his butt. "Been wanting to do this for ages." He said before clearing his throat, and he began to read off of them.

"Here are some complaints I have heard about Steven Universe. Complaint #1: literally no one can stay on-model because storyboarding is the devil. Complaint #2: Rebecca Sugar is a total butchphobic abuse supporter because she treats Jasper like crap and lets Lapis off the hook despite the fact that she's even worse."

"Please note that these are clearly not the opinions of the author. He's just been around Tumblr a lot and knows just how these so-called 'fans' think."

"Who said that?" Bismuth wondered aloud. "Oh hey, Bismuth!" Wade exclaimed as he just took notice of her. "That reminds me, Complaint #3: Making Bismuth an antagonist in any way, shape or form is racist because all minorities are pretty little angels than must be defended at all costs despite the facts that we're all human beings who have the potential to be complete balls to the wall sociopathic!"

"Okay, now you're just being used as a mouthpiece for the author. Hey buddy, can you stop him by introducing your version of the X-Force?!"

As a way to shut him up, the writer dropped the X-Force into the current scene on top of Deadpool. Their members, aside from Wilson, consisted of big names like Cable, Domino, Bob & Psylocke, to those who are only familiar to movie-watchers like Copycat, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Yukio, Bedlam & Shatterstar, and even Outlaw & Fantomex!

"How did we get here?" Cable asked the other black-ops mutants as he got up. "Oh hey Natey, knew you'd come along sooner or later!" Wade greeted his cybernetic compadre. "I was just getting myself introduced to these characters that we'll be paired up with for this crossover."

"Hi, I'm Bob, Wade's best friend!" the HYDRA agent Bob cheerfully introduced himself. "Name's Domino." Neena Thurman responded.

"A pleasure to meet you, dearest jeune fille bleue." Fantomex greeted Lapis in a gentlemanly fashion. "You may call me Fantomex. "

"Charmed." Lapis replied.

"Wow, everyone wants Lapis! First Fandral, and now Fanto."

"Can you blame her? She's the writer's fave and top SU waifu! Favoritism much?"

"Name's Negasonic Teenage Warhead." Ellie Phimster introduced herself. "This here is Yukio." She added gesturing to a Japanese girl with pink hair and a big smile. "Hi there!"

"I'm Wade's girlfriend Vanessa, though a lot of people call me Copycat since that's my power." Vanessa stated. "Yeah, totally original."

"Call me Bedlam." Bedlam stated. "And this here is Shatterstar. Unlike the rest of us, he's an alien from the Mojoverse."

"And finally, these are Outlaw and Psylocke." Shatterstar gestured to the cowgirl and the ninja in the one piece. "Nice to meet ya." Inez Temple greeted. "Indeed." Betsy Braddock added.

"So, what brings you to my neck of the woods?" Deadpool asked Connie. "Don't give too much away, cause I already got a basic knowledge of what happened last chapter."

"Chapter?" Connie tilted her head in confusion. "Steven was kidnapped only an hour ago! What do you think this is, some kind of story?"

"You'd be surprised Girl-Who-Wasn't-Actually-Dressed-As-Gohan-In-That-One-Episode." The Merc with a Mouth grinned underneath his mask. Before anyone could move on however, a stereotypical overweight nerd who looks like he doesn't get out much wheeled in on an automated scooter with a plate of brownies in front of him. "And you are?"

"I am simply an SU Critical that wants to congratulate you for making my voice heard." The nerd congratulated Deadpool. "As a way of saying thanks, have some brownies."

"I get it! Deadpool won some brownie points!"

"Don't explain the joke dumbass. The punchline should be coming up now."

As Wade snacked on the brownies, he came to realize something was wrong with them. "Hey wait a second. Yo, stereotype! Why do these brownies taste like literal dogshit?!"

"That's my secret ingredient!" the nerd revealed, much to Wade's disgust and he angrily tossed the brownies on the ground. "It's to symbolize how I believe Steven Universe has gone bad ever since the barn arc ended since absolutely nothing can compare to the amazing character development Peridot got!"

"Oh, it's so nice to see someone notice my splendidness!" Peridot blushed as she felt humbled by the nerd. "Of course, then they had to devolve her into a mindless comic relief who only-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MINDLESS COMIC RELIEF YOU CLOD?!" the small Gem shrieked furiously before she pounced on the basement dweller and began choking him. "I'll teach you to talk back to me immediately after giving my praises you hypocrite!"

As Peridot continued assaulting the nerd, everyone else watched in either shock, bemusement or in Deadpool's case, pride. "I think I want to be her new bestest friend already."

"But I thought we were friends!" Bob weeped sadly while Bedlam gave him a comforting pat on the head.

"And now it's time for a cutaway gag!"

"Cutaway gags? You gotta be kidding me, we're not Family Guy!"

"Just let the writer do his thing man, it's his imagination!"

"Come on Willy, I know you can do it!" a child version of Deadpool called to a whale in a scene that is clearly a reference to a certain all-time classic "Boy and his non-human friend" story. However just as Willy finally leaped over the rock Wade was standing on, he was immediately harpooned in midair and dragged towards a pirate ship manned by Captain Ahab. "Hey, wrong whale story Habbo Hotel!"

"After so many years of searching, that accursed whale is now mine to profit off!" Ahab and his crew celebrated their capture. "I'm talking sequels and an animated series to start, but the sky's the limit!"

"This ain't the last you'll see of me Old Thunder!" Wade cursed the sea captain as he made off with his prize. "I'll bring that whale home, just you wait!"

"Okay, that's a pretty unique idea for a gag. But seriously, back to the show."

"So, we're here because Magneto has kidnapped Steven with a bunch of Sentinels." Connie recapped to Deadpool while they were out and about in the city. "Now that you know what we're doing, can you tell us what you do?"

"I'm glad you asked Connie." Deadpool declared. "Allow me to explain the only way you Steven Universe characters probably know how. IN SONG!"

"Wait, a musical number, in a fanfiction?! Seriously?!"

"Hey shut it, this is gonna be good!"

"Lights please." Wade announced, shutting off the lights with a snap of his fingers, and turning them back on with another snap. He was now dressed as an Elvis impersonator with Cable, Domino, Bob and Copycat as his band. "What song do you plan on playing?" Vanessa asked her boyfriend.

"Just watch and listen." Wade responded, and began playing a parody of a classic movie song. "Here I go!" he started singing while Cable provided backup on the drums. "Woo! Ah-ha, ah-ha, let me show you what I work with!"

"Well Gambit was in league with a bunch of thieves, Cyclops has almost two thousand tales!" For his first act of insanity, the Regenerating Degenerate made about fifty longboxes filled with comics appear for Peridot & Lapis to rifle through. As soon as they discovered one with Wade fighting a vampire bat creature on the cover titled "Deadpool: The Gauntlet," the Deadpool on the cover continued the song.

"Well my friends, you're in luck cause up your sleeves, you got a kind of guy that never fails!" After Deadpool emerged from the issue Peridot was holding, he shot down various villains emerging from the other comics while singing.

"You got a real badass in your corner now, a real Wolverine type in your camp!" he then demonstrated by transforming his face into that of Logan's and then back again before letting bullets rain from above. "He can shoot, kablam! Bullets galore, all you gotta do is say my name!" Wade crooned. "And I'll say: 'Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?'"

As he sat the Gems down on a beach blanket, Deadpool then assumed pirate attire and set a heavy treasure chest on the ground. "Just give me a guy and I'll shoot him down, you ain't had a mercenary like me!"

Peridot began to excitedly open the chest while Lapis rolled her eyes. "Life's like a treasure chest," Wade's disembodied voice continued. When the treasure box was opened, the mercenary exploded out of it and made gold fly everywhere. "AND I'M GONNA BE YOUR KEY!"

Unlike her smaller partner, Lapis was still not amused. "C'mon, whisper to me what you want," Wade kept crooning, followed by splitting himself into four smaller Deadpools. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

"Contractors pride ourselves on service." One of the mini-Wades stated, and then they merged into the prime Wilson while spawning a lavish couch for his two guests. "You girls the hoss, the queens, the Shah! No matter what you wish, I'll be your bitch! How 'bout a few chimichangas?"

"Have some of Sample A, try all of Sample B!" Following the chimichanga rain, Peridot and Lapis were handed free samples at a supermarket before they found themselves on a velvet pillow held by Wade. "Anytime, any day, I'll help you babes. You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

A brief dance number then ensued between Deadpool and his hands. His left hand vocalized and the degenerate replied with an "Oh my!" When the right hand started singing, it was responded with "No no!" Both hands harmonized and they got a "Ha ha ha!" They sandwiched Deadpool between them as he peaced out with a "Zip-a-dee doo-dah!"

When Deadpool returned, he pointed straight at Peridot. "Give me a good badda-yadda-yadda!"

"Badda-yadda-yadda!" Peridot excitedly repeated. "Good, scotty-wop!" Wade then pointed to Lapis. Her reply was more unsure. "Uh, scotty-wop?"

"Everybody now!" Deadpool compelled the readers. "Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!"

"Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!" the readers answered excitedly.

"Yeah, y'all got it!" Wade congratulated before proceeding to demonstrate his healing factor. "Can your friends do this?" he asked, casually dislocating his arms. "Can your friends do that?" he added, ripping out his spinal cord to bounce on it like a certain stuffed tiger. "Can your friends pull this?" With that, Wade tore his skeleton out of his body and started dancing the Charleston with it. "Out a little hat?!"

Suddenly, Wade's skeleton started filling itself with dynamite sticks on the verge of exploding. "CAN YOUR FRIENDS GO-" The human mutate was interrupted as the TNT exploded, and the clouds gave way to him beatboxing while doing a silly dance.

"Call me the Merc with a Mouth, I am always there. North, West, East and South! So don't sit there slackjawed, all buggy-eyed! I'm here to answer all ya evening prayers!" he continued. "You got me bona-fide certified! A hired gun for your charge affair!"

"I got a powerful urge to help you out! So who's gonna die? I really need to know!" Deadpool said as the song began to reach its climax while pulling a long strip of paper from Peridot's mouth and began rubbing his bottom with it. "You got a list that's three miles long no doubt. So all you gotta do is pay-wayho!"

For the final setpiece, Peridot and Lapis now stood atop a mountain of dead Marvel characters that are so obscure, not even the most hardcore fans knew a thing about them. "Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?" Wade asked tunefully. Peridot then picked up one body, and its head suddenly turned into Deadpool's. "Anytime anyplace, I'll help you babes."

A few bodies rose from the dead, only for Deadpool to shoot them all down. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary." He concluded. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary."

Bullets once again began raining, along with all sorts of violent weapons as the song finally ended. "YOU AIN'T, HAD A, MERCE-NARY LIIIII-IIIIIKE MEEEEE!"

With the X-Force performing a kickline to finish things off, Deadpool pulled on a string dangling from above. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!" A flickering neon applause sign dropped down, capping off the rather pointless number.

"Well, that was a waste of time that'll never be spoken of again."

"Sincerest apologies to Alan Menken, Howard Ashman and especially Robin Williams. He would've been 69 this year. NICE!"

"Okay you generic-looking monster, time to discover who you truly are!" Connie declared to a captured Sasquatch while she, Peridot, Deadpool, Lapis and Cable were dressed as a certain band of meddling kids and their voracious canine pal. Connie ripped off the Sasquatch's head to reveal that it was a mask worn by an evil parrot with a scar across his face.

"Zoinks! Like, it's a parrot!" Deadpool declared in a beatnik voice. "Wait, a parrot? Is that all?"

"Far from it mein friends!" the parrot answered in a German accent. Suddenly, large robots kicked the walls around them down. "Behold, my Nazi robots!"

"N-Nazi robots?" Lapis stuttered. "Jeepers, this is just getting too weird."

Deadpool then glanced expectantly at Cable, who groaned while pushing up his glasses. "C'mon Cabey, say the line!" he exhorted the cyborg. With a heavy groan, Cable quietly said "Jinkies, run."

"He's right, let's split up gang!" Connie commanded, and the crew were off to the races. After passing by the same flowerpot approximately five times because there wasn't that much in the budget, the five came across a hallway littered with doors.

When Deadpool and Peridot burst into one door, they came out of another not too faraway, same with the others. However at the end of a door, they came across a blue digital ghost with yellow eyes & teeth and a grainy laugh.

"Ruh roh, rit's Rames Rarles the Rindly Rohnny!" Peridot exclaimed, making every word she spoke begin with R before she coughed. "How does anyone speak like this?" she asked Wade. "Because speech impediments are funny!" the mercenary replied. "Now let's move!"

"Seriously, why can't I be Fred?!" Cable complained while emerging from another door with Deadpool by his side instead of Lapis. "Connie gets the cool ascot, and all I'm left with is this bulky sweater and a short skirt!"

"Well for one, that skirt actually looks pretty cute on you." Wade answered with a stupidly cheeky grin on his face. Before anyone else could charge through more doors, zombie cats and dinosaurs that could move without thinking came charging in. "Wow, Scooby-Doo became a lot weirder than when I was a youngin."

Returning to the real world, the Crystal Temps and the X-Force have just plowed through an entire armed squadron inhabiting a conveniently abandoned office building and now had their leader tied up in a chair. "We ain't gonna let all those hallway fights amount to nothing!" Wade declared holding the squadron leader at gunpoint. "We've tried every torture technique in the book: eating your own food, threatening your family, doing a silly dance to some awesome music and yet still you won't talk!" he exclaimed. "So let me ask this again! What does the guy who gave Magneto & Doctor Doom those Sentinels look like?"

"What?" the gunman asked nervously, causing Wade to smash another wall. "WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?!" the mercenary shrieked. "What?" the captive continued squeaking. "WHAT AIN'T NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF!" Deadpool yelled. "THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT?!"

"What?" the man said a third time. "ENGLISH MOTHER-" Deadpool began, but then he noticed the T-rating and groaned. "ENGLISH YOU BASTARD, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!" he reiterated. "YES!" the gunman finally said something other than what. "THEN YOU MUST KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Deadpool kept yelling. "WHAT DOES YOUR MASTER LOOK LIKE?!"

"We could just beat the info outta him and be done with it." Bedlam advised. "No need for all this Pulp Fiction parody crap."

"Was I talking to you?" Wade asked his teammate tersely before going back to his captive. "Now where was I? Oh yeah! Does he look like a bitch?"

"Now you're just skipping lines!" the gunman squealed in defiance. "What else do you wanna do with me?!"

"Okay, I got another question for you." Wade stated. "Have you had your prostate exam lately?"

"What?" the gunman muttered, fearing what could come next. "In fact, I got just the girl to help me." Wade declared. "Hey Connie, your MILF of a mom is a doctor right? Surely you must know what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah, pretty much!" Connie answered. "Here, lend me your sword. We might need to operate." Deadpool said as he menacingly snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "Hey author, why don't we cut to another scene before this gets too violent?"

"Now then, what are we working with he-There it is!"

"AUGH!"

Elsewhere, a stereotypical shadowy figure watched from a large video screen as the X-Force tore through his mercenaries. "That masked maniac is onto us!" he growled quietly while pounding his fist on an armrest and turned his chair to face Ruckus, Gorgeous George, Hairbag, Ramrod & Slab, the Nasty Boyz. "You five track him & those rainbow women down and kill them all!"

"Yes sir." The Nasty Boyz complied and set off for the Merc with a Mouth. "Now where do you suppose the merc could be now?" Hairbag asked his fellow Boyz. "My best guess, he's probably at that Hellhouse run by Patch." the Southern-accented Slab theorized. "Hopefully they have room for his head as a trophy."

"Well here we are at Saint Margaret's School for Wayward Children." Deadpool decreed as he suddenly parked a limo that he totally always had in front of the mercenary dispatch center he loved frequenting. "I suggest you try not to look at some of its inhabitants funny, some of them can get a little ballistic."

Entering the bar, the two teams had all eyes on them by all the other mercs at the establishment. "Uh, hello there." Connie nervously greeted one of them. "I don't think you're old enough to be here little girl." The mercenary replied ominously. "Don't worry Jessica, they're with me." Deadpool told the larger man. "So, where's Weasel?"

"Right here old buddy!" the bespectacled bartender called for Wade. "Hey, Weasel!" Wade exclaimed to his old friend while sitting down at the bar and exchanging a fistbump. "I see you're doing well Poolboy." Weasel said to his friend. "And who's the green midget with you?"

"This is Peridot, a member of the Crystal Gems." Shatterstar introduced Peridot. "Oh, you mean those rock ladies that creamed those Chitauri only to get creamed by Thanos?" Weasel asked, making Peridot pretty mad. "Hey, we creamed Thanos right back!"

"We're looking for information sir." Connie said to Weasel. "A friend of mine has been captured by Magneto & Doctor Doom using those Sentinel robots, and we want to know where they've come from."

"You want confidential info little girl?" the barkeep stated. "Go see Multiple Man over there at that poker table, he's usually the guy to talk to since he's a detective."

"Yet one mystery he can't solve is the mystery of why he can never get his own movie."

"ZING!"

At a nearby poker table, Jamie Madrox and some of his duplicates were playing cards with the albino mutant Caliban, and the four Jamies clearly had the upper hand. "All in!" one of the clones declared shoving his chips into the pot. "I know you are cheating Madrox." Caliban informed his opponent. "I mean, there are literally four of you!"

Just then, Deadpool abruptly shot one of the clones dead and sat down where he once was. "Deal me in." he simply declared as if nothing happened. "Caliban welcomes you Mr. Pool." Caliban nervously greeted the regenerating degenerate. "And who is your little friend?"

"You may call me Peridot, the suave, attractive and positively adorable leader of the Crystal Gems!" Peridot introduced herself arrogantly. "So, you more members of the X-Men? Haven't seen you around the mansion."

"Actually, we're members of a different team of mutants." Madrox replied, while his surviving doubles sadly carried their dead comrade away. "There are actually quite a lot of them you see. X-Factor; the one we're a part of, X-Statix, Excalibur, Generation X, the Morlocks and most famously Alpha Flight."

"Half of them sound so late 20th to early 21st century." Peridot commented. "I mean, X-Statix? Talk about totally cool dudes!"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Is this Saint Margaret's? We'd like to have a word with the owner." A voice came from the other side, catching all the patrons and employees off-guard. All was quiet, but then the Nasty Boyz came crashing through the wall instead of the door. "LET'S GET NASTY!" they all cried out, springing into action.

"Alright, what the shit is going on here?!" Bob "Patch" Stirrat, the elderly owner of Saint Margaret's growled, emerging from another room while stroking his big bushy mustache. "Oh god, it's the Nasty Boyz."

"The Nasty Boyz?" Peridot and Lapis repeated in unison before they laughed at the evil mutant team's name. Suddenly, the wood tables of the bar came to life and changed their form thanks to Ramrod, who used them to restrain everyone aside from Deadpool. "Okay boys, frisk him."

On Ramrod's orders, Gorgeous George used his shapeshifting powers to grab Wade by the ankles and dangle him above the ground. "Let's see what he's got here." Ruckus muttered, fishing through the belongings dropped as Wade was shaken up and down. "Various pistols, swords, nunchucks, staves, forks, a bazooka."

"Most of those were from a Ninja Turtles convention I went to last year." Wade revealed. "Don't know where the bazooka came from."

"Rubber chicken, five month old bag of pizza pockets; that are still warm," Slab continued for his teammate. "Ryan Reynolds's phone number, large collection of nude selfies from Thumbelin-WHAT?!"

To Slab's absolute shock and fury, he found an overfilled file of lewd pictures taken by his sister Kristina Anderson with her phone number on it, along with a message saying "I bet you want more, my raging sex machine!" Crushing the file in his hand, Slab furiously glared at Deadpool. "Wilson, you son of a bitch!"

"Geez Chris, I thought you had a sense of humor." Wade grinned cheekily. "After all, SHE'S YOUR SISTER!" Then like Thor returning Mjolnir to his hand, the mercenary wiggled his fingers to call one of his katana blades back and free himself from Gorgeous George before rescuing his friends. "SSSSSSmokin'!" he hissed before spin-dashing out of the bar.

"After that degenerate!" Hairbag exclaimed while Slab frothed in wordless rage and the Boyz gave chase, leaving the bar in tatters. "Hey, which of you assholes is gonna clean this up?!" Patch exclaimed, but then he answered his own question by handing Weasel a broom.

"Everyone, to the Deadpoolmobile!" Deadpool exclaimed as the X-Force and Crystal Temps piled into the limousine from earlier. "Where did you ever get this car anyways?" Bismuth asked him, and he replied. "Don't think about it!"

Far across the city, Robert Kelly was left facepalming and a colleague of his scratching his head when they discovered that one of Kelly's limos was missing, its place taken by a graffiti message saying "I O U".

"I hate that Deadpool." Senator Kelly groaned.

"You get back here this instant you red-masked c-" Slab called for Deadpool as the Nasty Boyz chased them in a stolen taxi, but his cursing was cut off by Deadpool popping out the sunroof of the limousine to open fire on them.

"Wait, if Deadpool is up there, then who is driving?" Connie asked the group, and that's when Yukio made a shocking realization. "Oh my god, Demon Bear is driving!" she exclaimed pointing to a demonic bear that was taking the wheel. "How can that be?!"

"That's right folks, Lawrence Abrams is here to report that the insanely infamous insane mercenary Deadpool has started an intense car chase where he's hijacked a limo belonging to Senator Robert Kelly and is being chased by a group of other mutants called the Nasty Boyz." Lawrence Abrams said on the television at the Baxter Building, where Garnet, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine had now caught wind of the event. "And there's also some kinda bear driving the limo for some reason. Why's there a bear?! Who gives a damn! And now onto Sally Floyd with politics!"

"Deadpool." Colossus glowered in embarrassment. "Come my friends, we must go and handle this crisis ourselves." He declared while preparing to leave the building. "But you let Connie go on that mission for her optimism." Pearl stated to the metal mutant while setting Reed and Sue's young son Franklin Richards on the floor.

"We know Pearl, but that maniac is a whole 'nother level of unpredictable." Wolverine grumbled. "And there's a high chance Connie's life is at risk here! Right Garnet?"

"Logan is correct. I can see multiple paths where things go horribly wrong." Garnet agreed with Logan. "Oh, you're leaving already?" Franklin's older sister Valeria asked them. "Mom and Dad were just about to introduce you to H.E.R.B.I.E."

"It's alright Valeria, they still have friends to help." Susan assured her daughter. "Go on Gems, we'll catch up with you back at the mansion."

"It's been a pleasure to be shown around the Baxter Building and meeting the kids Sue." Pearl said gratefully and shook the Invisible Woman's hand. "I especially like how Franklin reminds me of Steven."

"Bye Ms. Pearl!" Franklin said goodbye by hugging the tall Gem's leg. "Oh, goodbye to you too Frank." Pearl replied. "Hey, what about me?!" the Four's AI H.E.R.B.I.E exclaimed irritably. "Don't I get anything to say?!"

"Oy Cain, you gotta check this out!" Black Tom called to Juggernaut while he was watching TV. The Brotherhood of Mutants had stopped to refuel their ship and Black Tom had run off on his own when he discovered a TV shop playing the same news report of Deadpool's car chase. "What say we give Deadpool an old one-two before Mags finishes up?"

"You son of a bitch, I'm in!" Juggernaut exclaimed eagerly, giving his teammate a fist-bump that knocked Tom to the ground. "You okay there?"

"We have your limousine surrounded! Come out of the vehicle with your hands in the air!" a police officer barked into a bullhorn as they had Deadpool and pals backed into a corner. "I would make a police brutality joke, but even I know that would be too soon." Wade said to the readers as he screeched the limo to a stop, making donuts on the street and damaging numerous police cars in the process.

"Okay, now you're just either showing off or defying us." The cop with the megaphone japed. Just then, a mighty thud briefly shook the ground. And another. And another. And another. And-

"Quit stalling writer, we know who it is! It's the goddamn Juggernaut!" Deadpool interrupted the third-person omniscient narrator. "Literally everyone and their goddamn long lost relatives know who he is!" The mighty Juggernaut continued inching closer to the fanboying mercenary while the police scattered out of fear of him and Peridot poked her head out the sunroof to see what was up.

"Uh, Wade?" the petite Gem squeaked nervously. "You know who that is right?"

"Didn't I just say that it's ol' Juggernaut?!" Wade exclaimed to his new best friend. "Oh, the things I could say about how much of a badass he is! This guy has beaten the shit outta Cyttorak, the Thing, Colossus, Blob & Thor and even called banging She-Hulk a stalemate! Maybe, that last one was actually a cl-"

Before Deadpool could finish the sentence, Juggernaut grabbed him by the neck with just two fingers and brought him very close to his helmeted face. "Hello Wade." He beamed callously. "Hey Cainy, is that new toothpaste I smell?" Deadpool greeted him nervously. "What flavor is it this time, Feeling Bad About Your Shitty Mutant Powers So You Get New Ones from Cyttorak?"

"Goddamn he went there." Black Tom muttered, only to receive a glare from his partner.

"Deadpool!" Garnet called for the Merc with a Mouth as she, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine entered the scene. "Oh, hey guys." Peridot nervously waved to her fellow Crystal Gems. "What brings you here?"

"We came here to take control of this current situation." Pearl explained. "No matter how much you want to swear and kill and all sorts of other crass activities, we still need your help in saving a friend of ours."

"I appreciate you want me to be more involved in this story Mordecai," Wade said to Pearl. "but can this wait a bit? I'm currently in the middle of worshipping the Juggernaut, bit-"

However within seconds, Deadpool was mashed into the ground by Juggernaut, leaving only a few scattered body parts lying in a puddle of blood. "Oh, so rude!" his disembodied head declared indignantly. "And to think we were buddies at one time Marky-Mark." He then turned to face the audience one last time before the degenerate would meet his not very possible untimely end. "But since I'm literally nothing but blood, my head, a few fingers, an upper arm and my dick right now, let's lighten the mood a little with some more gags, shall we?"

"As if we didn't waste enough time already."

"I love the smell of 372,844 pancakes in the morning." Deadpool declared as he flipped his last pancake and added it to the growing mountain of pancakes. "Smells like victory!"

"Why on Earth would you need this many pancakes?" Bismuth asked while Deadpool turned on the ceiling sprinklers to pour maple syrup all over each and every one of them at once. "Well, that's pretty clever I'll admit."

"Okay Peridot, ace this test and you're on the team!" Wade, now a coach for the girls' swim team comprised of Lapis, Bismuth, Domino, Warhead, Yukio, Outlaw, Copycat, Psylocke & Nephrite, announced to their soon to be newest member Peridot while she prepared to dive.

"This is it Peri, get this right and you'll make everyone proud!" Peridot muttered to herself while adjusting her cap and gazing at Lapis. As soon as Coach Wade blew the whistle, Peridot leaped into the water…and soon began struggling to keep herself afloat in a very exaggerated manner. "AAAAAGH, SOMEONE HELP! LIFEGUARD, COACH, SOS! THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA!" she shrieked for help before the chlorinated water won out and she sank to the bottom.

"I'll save you!" Cable roared while assuming the role of a lifeguard, preparing to jump in the water after her when Wade stopped him. "No no, wait for the punchline."

When Peridot finally breached the surface, she dramatically gasped for air and then frantically paddled towards the end of the pool, grabbing the ledge with a serious expression on her face. "So, how do you like my swimming?" she asked, acting like nothing had happened. However, no one else was there to answer except for Deadpool. "Hey, where did everyone go?!"

"They jumped ship an hour ago because they were tired of waiting." Wade answered. "But you still get on the team cause you really made me laugh."

"Gotta say Lapis, we got quite a team here." Deadpool remarked proudly to his fellow baseball player Lapis. "Uh, yeah, they're great." Lapis nervously replied while failing to get the joke. "So, who's on first?"

"Yeah, and what's on second." Wade responded eagerly. "No, I want to know who's on first." Lapis continued asking. "Exactly! We already established that who's on first, what's on second and I don't know is third."

"Wait, do you not know their names or are those seriously what they're called?" the ocean Gem asked, causing great irritation for her team captain. "Dammit Lapis, you spoiled the punchline!" he reprimanded her. "In fact, this whole Abbott and Costello tribute was just an excuse to see you dress up as Bob again! I mean, can you blame me with those shorts?"

"Abbott and who now?" Lapis remarked with a raised eyebrow.

"You really need to get out more." Wade deadpanned, lowering his eyelids in response.

"Welcome back one and all to Celebrity Jeopardy." Pearl announced, now dressed as Alex Trebek. "Now before we proceed, I'd like to apologize on the behalf of our contestants to all viewers with rather unusual lifestyles. We here at the studio refuse to judge anyone based on how they live, and sincerely hope you accept our apologies. Now then, let's proceed with our contestants."

Deadpool was in the podium closest to Pearl, now dressed as Sean Connery. "Mr. Connery is in first place with only -1 dollar." Pearl began recapping for the viewers at home. "About as many points as your mother gave you!" Wade cackled.

"Classy." Pearl responded crossly before shining the spotlight on Lewis Black, aka Peridot. "Mr. Black now has a score of, shockingly enough, -6,000 dollars." She explained, prompting the small Gem turned abrasive comedian to climb up on top of her podium in the middle. "Is that enough to buy my own bus?"

"And finally, Josh Brolin, now having raised 35 dollars." Pearl concluded while Juggernaut assumed the role of the aforementioned actor many may know as a certain Mad Titan. "I don't feel so good." Cain muttered. "Damn, walked right into that one!"

"Very well then. With introductions out of the way, let's move onto the board." Pearl stated, moving her eyes from the podiums to the categories. "Tonight our categories are Annals of History, Potent Potables, What Bulls Hit, Jokes, Popular Foreign Television, Places with Names Ending in 'Nia' and Video Games." Deadpool then pressed his buzzer. "Mr. Connery, you have the board."

"I'll take What Bullshit for $500 Al." Wade announced with a stupid grin on his face, clearly misreading the category he had chosen. "And I can tell you plenty of things that are bullshit."

"No, it clearly says What Bulls-" Pearl began to correct the masked contestant before she came to a realization. "Whoa! Okay, walked right into that one. Anyways, the question is: "It is commonly believed bulls are enraged by this color". Mr. Connery?"

"I'll tell you something I've hit recently." Deadpool chortled. "Hit up a few bars over the past week while hanging with your mom. She and I had a wonderful time, if you get what I mean! Wink wink, nudge nudge."

"I don't even have a mother!" Pearl ranted hotly. "And can we please return to what was happening earlier?! These pop culture references are nothing but a waste of time!"

"Thank you!"

"Boldface, you ignorant slut."

"Oh no, Wade!" Peridot yelled for Deadpool as she dashed out the limo to check on the puddle of blood and body parts that was once her new friend. "Please speak to us you clod, you can't die like this!"

"That's because I can't!" Deadpool proudly declared and in a beautiful Disney-like spectacle, slowly reassembled himself until he was the full-bodied lovable manic once again. "Healing factor baby! Got it when some asshole tried to cure my cancer, along with looking like a walking tumor."

"Uh hey, remember us?" the Nasty Boyz cried out in unison, catching the merc's attention. "Oh right, you guys. Gotta wrap up the chapter somehow." As a result, Wade opened fire on the evil mutants, shooting them in the arms, kneecaps and especially their dicks. "Oh and Bismuth, Peridot? You guys got Black Tom & Juggies. I'll take Garnet and Pearl!"

"You got it, I guess." Bismuth complied before she and her little friend squared off with Cassidy & Cain, leaving Wade alone against the senior Crystal Gems.

"Hey, what about us?" Lapis asked the writer, who responded by typing, "Didn't think that far ahead. You guys can just do crowd control."

"Okay Q-Bert and Drinking Bird," Deadpool exclaimed. "you two may have thousands of years of battle experience on your show but in terms of franchise ages, I've been doing this for far longer! There was even a graphic novel trilogy where an actually insane version of me killed the rest of Marvel, tons of classic literature characters and even other versions of me!"

"Do you have any idea what he's saying anymore?" Pearl asked Garnet. "I'm not sure. I fear he may be too unpredictable for us to comprehend!" Garnet answered fearfully. "You can try if you want." Deadpool beckoned them with a silly dance. "But I can assure you that hilarity will ensue!"

Pearl leaped at the Merc with a Mouth, but she was quickly denied a hit when Wade did a pirouette and kicked her in the back, sending her flying into a lamppost. "See, what did I tells ya?!"

Garnet tried her hand at attacking by enlarging her gauntlets & launching them at her foe, but they proved to be useless against him. Deadpool then rapidly fired his gun at Garnet, but she blocked all the bullets with her gauntlets and then finally moved so fast, not even Deadpool could catch her and was punched in the face.

"Wow okay, you got the guts!" Wade yelled while readjusting his head from the hit. "Seems like I really am a bit outmatched by you Garnet. Or maybe a certain someone just wants to make things fair!"

"Come on you maniac, what else can you throw at us?!" Pearl asked pointing her spear. "Oh what else can I throw?" Deadpool replied, letting out a sinister giggle while wearing a pair of shiny glasses and clasping his fingers together. "Let me show you!"

Whipping out his katana blades, Deadpool laughed maniacally while using them to tear the background apart, leaving nothing but a blank white space behind. "WELCOME CRYSTAL GEMS TO MY TURF! I PRESENT TO YOU THE FOURTH WALL, WHERE LOGIC IS JUST AS ILLEGAL AS JAYWALKING!"

"This is starting to remind me of that Uncle person." Pearl muttered in awe. "I thought we promised to never speak of that man again." Garnet instructed the former servant. "Well if he wants to make jokes and talk to the audience, then so can we."

When the two Gems joined hand, there was a bright shimmer as the pair merged into the returning glamorous Sardonyx. "Ladies, gentlemen and everyone in-between, the Gem Hostess with the Mostest has finally returned!" the fusion of Garnet and Pearl announced. "And it seems we have a very special guest star today."

"Sardonyx, huh?" Deadpool muttered while scrolling through the Steven Universe wiki for statistics. "Oh I see, she's here because we can both break the fourth wall!"

"A worthy opponent for you I must say!" Sardonyx chortled before smashing Deadpool in with her hammer. "Of course you realize this means war!" Wade roared, proceeding to whip out numerous cartoon guns, launching them all at once. "RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-RATA!" he screamed while launching lead at his fusion foe, following up with a declaration of "Omae wa mou shindeiru."

"N-NANI?!" Sardonyx cried out in shock before she spontaneously combusted with a cry of "HIDEBU!" However, the explosion cleared up and she was perfectly fine. "Psyche! Hammer time!"

Before Sardonyx could hit Deadpool with the hammer again, he disappeared into a cartoon hole like it were a solid object and reappeared out another. "Ha, that Spot douche should take notes from-OH GOD!"

"Anyone up for Whack-A-Mole?!" Sardonyx exclaimed, proceeding to whack her opponent multiple times with her hammer before he vanished and popped out another hole. And another, and another, and another, and another, until the hiding began to tire him out. "Jesus she's good." Wade panted, and then he began to make a plan. "I swore that I would never use this the moment I stole it from those schmoes, but I'm left with no choice!"

Sticking a hand up his red-clad butt, Deadpool pulled it out while holding a small black jewel that seemed similar to the Infinity Stones. "Ough, I also swore to never use it again because looking for it is a literal pain in my ass!"

"That Infinity Stone isn't canon!" Sardonyx objected while sounding like a stereotypical nerd. "Oh it may not be canon my dear, but we're in the Fourth Wall where anything could happen." Deadpool explained deviously. "With this Continuity Stone, I could warp all reality to my whims! I could use it to go back in time and erase One More Day by preventing Civil War from happening, or maybe beat the shit outta that Judas Traveller prick and his butt-buddies! But what I plan on doing now is using this stone to erase you from this reality once and for all!"

"Oh no, I don't feel so good!" Sardonyx dramatically announced as she felt herself fading away. "I'm melting! Melting! Oh what a world, what a world!" With that, the fusion finally vanished and presumably Garnet & Pearl as well. As Deadpool let out a heavy sigh, he suddenly realized that the Continuity Stone was now missing. "What the?! Where did it go!?"

"Looking for something Ninja Spidey?" a familiar voice rang out. Sardonyx was now back to normal and smugly held the Stone in her hand, setting it down like a golfball and swinging it at Deadpool's eye, causing his body to explode.

"Can I at least get one F-bomb in Mr. Author Man? Please?" Wade begged the author by putting on his best puppy dog eyes until his disembodied head landed in one of Sardonyx's hands. "To be or not to be," she began quoting Shakespeare. "That is the question."

"I got a question." The mercenary's head growled angrily. "On a scale from one to ten, how much do you think I FUCKING hate you?"

"Watch the mouth sonny, children could be reading this!" Sardonyx chortled. "Now then, let's finish this chapter!"

One bypass of the chapter break later, Sardonyx and the defeated Deadpool were now out of the Fourth Wall and back in the real world where the Nasty Boyz, Juggernaut & Black Tom were now nowhere to be seen.

"Okay, I give up!" Deadpool complained while his body began to regenerate. "I'll go with your stupid plan! Didn't really need to treat me like how Pearl killed that one Irishman during the Easter Rising."

"It was an accident!" Pearl exclaimed as she and Garnet defused. "And how did you possibly know?"

"But before we move onto the next chapter, can we make a quick stop first?" Deadpool asked. "There's a joke I think needs resolving."

"You'll never take the whale from me Wilson!" Captain Ahab exclaimed as he engaged in a swordfight with the dread pirate Straw Hat Deadpool and his motley crew. "I'll surrender when I get eaten alive!"

"Funny you should mention that Habbo." First Mate Peridot sneered before she whistled loudly for Willy to breach the surface, breaking most of Ahab's ship and swallowing him whole. "I'll get you for this Wade!" Ahab shrieked vengefully. "You haven't seen the last of me!"

When Ahab was finally swallowed, Willy gave the pirates his farewells and dove back into the water, free again at last.

"What did parodying both Free Willy and Moby Dick have to do with anything?" Pearl asked Straw Hat Deadpool. "You know what? After what I've experienced, I don't think I want to know."

At long last, the chapter is done! Good thing too, because my partner has just started college as we write this and all that education is gonna cut into his freetime!

Yes indeed, the next chapter will take a bit longer to come out because of college. But I still get a few months off soon, so there you go.

Well, that should settle it. You get some free writing done and I won't take your ANDY ONLY stuff. Hasta luego amigo! And be sure to give my regards to your mom!

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the-lady-bryan · 4 years

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What If..... Disney brought in the FOX Marvel properties?

Not that Marvel will do this, but it’s I think it’s a pretty cool idea, so if it takes your fancy, go right ahead and use it, oh fanfic writers of MCU fandom.

Disney bought Fox. And we all know that with that comes all those long lost Marvel characters we’ve been dying to see come into the MCU. Whether you believe all the rumours flying around or not, hopefully one day the mutants will return to the greater Marvel Movie landscape. In the meantime, here’s one way they could bring them in and not entirely ruin what came before....

Anyone who’s familiar with the Marvel Multiverse Designation Numbers knows the Fox films all have their own special number. Right down to the differing timelines created by Days of Future Past and the ending of Deadpool 2.

We know that Endgame had a shit ton of alternate timelines spring up, some of which may have canceled right out by getting the stones back to the right places... but others weren’t so easy to solve. I mean fuck, Loki from 2012 is getting his own Disney+ show and then there’s..... meddling old war heroes.... (lookin’ at you, you old star spangled asshole) as well as all the time travel and alternate timeline shit with Agents of Shield.

That said...

We also know the upcoming Doctor Strange sequel is going to deal heavily with the multiverse and have Wanda in it, too. What if the multiverse problem they’re dealing with doesn’t stem originally from THEIR timeline/universe?

Let’s just trim the fat and stick to JUST the timeline problems with Endgame and assume all the other problems work themselves out somehow. Now, the Endgame timeline branches are a pretty big fucking deal! 2014 thanos dead makes a timeline where he never comes to earth and snaps in the first place. 2014 Nebula dead and 2014 Gamora hanging around the present means that in that branch, Quill never meets Gamora. Quill is still part Celestial. Who knows how the shit with Ego is going to go down and totally fuck up now. Then there’s Loki in 2012 who’s gonna get his own show. Then there’s 2012 Tony who had a heart attack when he didn’t before. And then there’s 2012 Steve who 1) the HYDRA in SHIELD agents are now going to assume is on their side and 2) now knows way earlier that Bucky is alive. And we all fuckin know Pre-Endgame Steve Rogers will overthrow entire governments if he has to just to find Bucky fuckin Barnes. And don’t even fuckin get me started on wrinkly old Sad Johnny Bravo and his trip to the past. (Bitch still could have retired from being Captain America, and public life, gone to the goat farm in Wakanda with Bucky and lived out the rest of his days in peace but noooooooo 3 movies worth of build up for even the most epic bromance ever flushed right down the drain. She was meant to marry Daniel. Fuck off with that bullshit..... sorry..... sorry. Not the place for that. Another post another day.) So, these are all problems that may or may not resolve themselves. But let’s say they do. Somehow, and just create benign parallel universes. New places in the multiverse. That’s fine.

Only.... Disney has bought Fox. And Disney wants to capitalize on those Marvel characters they’ve been salivating over FOR YEARS.

How do we bring them in? Easy! - Multiverse disaster!

Everything can, at first, point to the branching timelines Endgame caused as the root of this multiversal disturbance. But with each movie moving forward after Dr. Strange, where we THINK whatever was going on is resolved, little easter eggs pop up here and there. Like tabloids in the background describing girls who can walk right through walls. Or a “man-beast with razor sharp claws”. A speedster spotted robbing an arcade. And as the movies progress, these little discrepancies seem like they’ve been there this whole time. But Dr. Strange and maybe Wanda are like “wait a minute.... something’s not right...” and they discover that their reality is merging with another. the old Avengers tower is bought by a scientist named Reed Richards and his family.

All these little things as realities seem to meld into one another, filling in holes that neither universe realized it might have originally had.

And eventually, when a third deadpool movie comes out, it’s not a reboot. Of all the movies from the Fox properties that get brought in it alone isn’t a rehash. Like, the first five minutes maybe before Wade cuts in and is like “so yeah.... when i uh.... shot the guy with no mouth and then saved my girl, i fucked stuff up.” - and why deadpool, specifically?

because in all the Fox properties, Wade Wilson’s ability of Comic Awareness (or would it be Cinematic Awareness while he’s in movie form?...) lets him know there’s already timeline discrepancies. Deadpool 1, he asks “Stewart or MacAvoy?!” Even though it can be reasonably assumed that the first Deadpool movie takes place in the new X-Men timeline because Xavier is still alive/around as are Scott and Jean who died in X-3 (as seen by the ending of Days of Future Past as well as the cameo scene in Deadpool 2 when Wade is taken to the mansion by Collossus.) So Wade Wilson, Deadpool, is the PERFECT character to be stuck in the middle of everything and because shit around him tends to go spectacularly pear shaped damn near every single time, whatever he caused to happen cannot be undone.

Additional - I don’t think the first versions of the Fantastic Four from fox (Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, etc) should be the versions brought in because Chris was Captain America and he’s now moved on to other pastures. This would be a good way to re-work the Fan4stic cast and get them a sequel that will also put them in-universe with the MCU.

#mcu #deadpool #doctor strange #misc marvel characters #idea

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shadedrose01 · 4 years

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Date Night Differences

Ship: Parkner (Harley Keener/Peter Parker)

Summary: Harley and Peter go on a mission for their date night.

Tags: Febufluff, Date Night, Harley Keener as Iron Lad, BAMF Harley Keener, BAMF Peter Parker, Hydra (Marvel), hydra base, a tiny bit of violence, Peter Parker having Deadpool energy, Established Relationship, Dorks in Love, Exasperated Harley Keener, Fluff, Cute Ending, Bisexual Peter Parker, Gay Harley Keener, And a smidge of angst? But not really? Idk, Harley has an AI named ABBIE, and theres one Into The Spiderverse reference too

Day three of Febufluff: "Date Night"!

"We really need to rethink our choices." Harley groans as a fist collides with his metal helmet, his head swiveling to the side with the force of the blow. He glares back at the agent that hit him, who is now cradling his probably broken hand, and punches him back, the agents body flying across the room.

"What, you don't like this?" Peter voice chimes back through the coms, slight staticky and obviously out of breath as he fights, probably kicking ass wherever the hell he was.

"Scouting a HYDRA base for date night?" Harley hears a beep, sees two red dots coming up from behind him on his radar, and deploys his mini missiles, shooting out of his back and watching as the dots suddenly disappear. "No, not really, Pete. Why couldn't Tony or literally anyone else come do this for us? We could be having dinner right now, or watching a movie." He whines into the now empty space, sounding like a child as he strolls through the dark halls of the base, using infrared light to watch for any body heat signatures around him and keeping an eye on his radar to see if anyone else is coming his way.

"You know why, Harls." Peter teases, before grunting, a crash coming through right afterwards that makes Harley's heart spike.

"You good, Pete??"

There's a pause, and then a "Yup! All good!" that relaxes Harley instantly, puffing out a long breathe of air.

"Good. And yeah, I know why, but still! Stupid old people and their stupid retirement." He grumbles, turning the corner and freezing, seeing a room full of body signatures further down the hall to his right. The main room, Harley assumes, leaning against the wall and crouching down, trying to make himself less noticable just in case any stranglers come around. "Where are you, anyways?"

"I'm right here!" Peter suddenly appears in front of him, jumping down from the ceiling and giving Harley a massive heart attack, his body jerking back and tensing up instinctively before relaxing again.

"Gah, Peter! You cant just do that!" He breathes, putting a hand over his chest plate beside the arc reactor, above where his heart is.

Peter's mask twitches, his eyes moving in a motion that Harley can tell is him rolling his eyes, and Harley glares back at him even though Peter can't see it. "I'm surprised you didn't see me, with all of your fancy smancy tech."

Now its Harley that's rolling his eyes. "I told ABBIE to only warn me when threats are approaching. You aren't percieved as a threat."

Peter gasps dramatically. "Awh, babe! That's so sweet!"

Harley attempts to sigh in annoyance, but it ends up as a breathy laugh. "Let's just get this over with. What are we looking for again?"

"The codes for some super weapon that could kill us all or something. You know, the usual." Peter shrugs, winking, and this time Harley does sigh, causing Peter's shoulders to shake with silent laughter. "They should be on a computer in the final bosses room."

Harley ignores the video game analogy, exasperated out of his mind, and nods towards the room with all the heat signatures in it, the bodies barely moving. "In there. There's about 6 people, and they're just standing around, waiting. I think they know we're here."

"Then let's not keep the party waiting!" Peter jumps back up on to the ceiling, stealthily crawling his way towards the door and Harley follows, creeping over himself, on the floor instead. He presses his back against the wall and takes a deep breath. "You ready?"

"Ai ai, captain!" Is the response he gets, and Harley breathes out one last, airy chuckle before aiming his repulsor at the door and shooting it open, going in guns ablazing.

The agents start to shoot at him, but the Iron Lad armour absorbs all of the hits, the bullets ricocheting off of him and hitting different parts of the room. He starts firing repulsor blasts at the three people in his range, knocking them unconscious easily, looking for the other three. He doesn't have to look far to see two bodies on the floor, and one attached to the wall, all unmoving and covered in webs, with a certain spider stood in the middle of the carnage, looking pleased with himself. "Well dress me up and call me the Staples button, because that was easy."

He even does a not so terrible impression of the voice. This is the person Harley loves. This is the person he chooses to be around. Why does he do this to himself?

(He wouldn't have it any other way.)

He doesn't dignify that with a response, though he silently agrees, and makes his way over to the large row of computers sat on top of a wooden rickety table against the wall, the space cluttered, gray and dark, like the stereotypical enemy computers that you'd see in the movies. How cliché. He searches around, and quickly finds a USB port. Now, he just- "Hey, you still got the USB stick, or whatever the hell you call it?" He turns towards Peter, who tilts his head like a confused puppy.

"The goober?"

"Yeah, that." Peter pats himself down, before putting his hand into an invisible pocket on his thigh that Harley has never seen before, and pulling the small device out with a small "ta-da!"

"Thanks, babe." He tries to push the stick into the slot, but it doesnt work, so he flips it over and tries again. When that doesnt work, he groans, flips it back over again, and when it finally slots into place, Harley watching as the code floods onto the screen, overriding the passcodes and finding the information they did to complete their mission.

The progression bar is about halfway to completion when Peter speaks up again. "Uh, babe?" and the change in his voice, from upbeat to quiet, nervous, has Harley alert immediately.

"Yeah?"

"Something's wrong." As soon as the words are out of his mouth, his display lights up red, images of a crumbling building and the words 'unstable structure' screaming in his face.

"The building is collapsing, Boss!" ABBIE exclaims to him, the AI's usually calm, youthful robotic voice filled with a fear Harley didn't know it could have. "You will need to escape immediately to avoid significant injury."

"Shit!" Harley glances at the progression bar, seeing that it's almost complete, almost done, just a little longer-

"Harls, what's happening?" Peter breaks into his thoughts as the room starts to shake, dust starting to fall from the ceiling, an ominous rumble starting in the background. Harley reaches out and grabs onto him, pressing the boy close to his body as the progress bar hits 100%, the rumble turning into a loud roar. "Harls?!?"

He yanks the stick out of its slot, and yells out a quick "hold on!" Before he shoots off towards the exit, flying through doorway after doorway as the rooms start to groan around him, large blocks of ceiling falling in front of his own eyes. He doesnt focus on it, can't focus on it, he has to get them to safety, has to get Peter out safely, he has to-

Harley breaks through the entrance of the base, shooting up into the sky just as the entire building crumbles to the ground, a cloud of dust flooding the air around it. Harley flies a little ways away, the USB, goober, whatever, still in hand, clutching onto Peter with the other.

He finds a hill further up the plain where the base was built, and lands slowly, gently, carefully helping Peter to his feet as soon as he does. He retracts his helmet, Peter taking off his mask, and a gloved hand grabs onto Peter's cheek, staring into his slightly shaken eyes and scanning his face and body for any injuries. "You okay? You aren't hurt, are you?"

"N-no, no, I'm okay. Are you okay?"

Harley lets out a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I'm okay, baby. I'm the one with the metal suit."

"Hey, I have a metal suit too!" Peter pouts, and Harley instantly knows he's alright. Really, truly alright, not just lying to make Harley feel better (which he has done one too many times in the past). "...Not on me, but still!"

Harley can't help the laugh that escapes him, hearty, full of warmth. "I know, sweetheart, I know."

He sees a big, goofy smile grow onto Peter's face, and Harley cant help but to pull him into a hug, pressing his face into Peter's hair as Peter nuzzles into his chest with a soft, content sigh. Looking over Peter's shoulder, Harley can faintly see the pinks, reds, yellows and oranges of the setting sun through the trees, the ball of fire slowly sinking into the horizon, and he cant help but to grin. With a successful mission on their hands, and Peter in his arms, Harley cant help but to grin, feeling satisfied.

Maybe this wasn't so bad of a date night after all.

#febufluff #Febufluff #day three #date night #parkner #parley #harley keener/peter parker #harley keener #harley keener as iron lad #peter parker #hydra #fanfiction #marvel #mcu #marvel fanfiction

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sweets-fanfics · 4 years

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Honeymoon [RE] 7

Title: A team that trust, my ass

wordcount: 1570 (small bb)

Warning: violence

AN: I’m not sure why I originally made this one small

______________

You sat back in the office chair and sighed. You told everyone you were going to try to figure out a counter to Riley's ability but you couldn’t stop staring at the picture of the two of you on Bruce’s desk. It was from the day you graduated high school. You looked so happy, and not trying to kill each other. That was also the last day you saw Bruce before he started turning green.

You looked out the window trying not to think about the past. You could see Steve outside as Tony showed him new weapons he had created for the suit. One more sigh and you looked at the whiteboard in front of you.

“Reily, what have you done?” You turned up the movie scores you were listening to so that you could tune everything out and think. “I feel like I need some outside insight.” You picked up your phone. You scrolled through until you found one of the numbers of someone who you knew back when you had to check up on Inhumans.

“Hello.” His smooth voice said softly.

“Hello, my favorite bulletproof friend.”

Luke chuckled. “What does Shield want now?”

“Shield doesn’t know I’m calling you. I have a question.”

“Alright go ahead and ask.”

“You were once in the force, right? And you yourself are Inhuman. How would you deal with someone who can control blood?”

Luke was quiet for a second. “The hell have you got yourself into?”

“Nothing new. Just my crazy ex who I thought was dead trying to kill me.”

“Yeah, I know how that feels. He’s inhuman, huh? I haven’t dealt with that before. You could ask Jessica, or Matt maybe.”

“How about you three get together to see what you can find out.” You could see Coulson walking down the hall. “Shit. I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”

You hung up the phone right as he walked in. “Who was that?”

“I bought Wade a new coffee machine he didn’t know how to use it. What are you doing here?”

“I want to introduce you to the Director of Shield.”

“Who?” As you said that a tall white man with dark hair entered the room.

He held out his hand for you to shake, “Jeffrey Mace, a pleasure to meet the Wife of Captain America. I looked up to him so much as a child.”

“Pleasure to meet you as well, but my name is (Y/N) Rogers, not Captain America’s wife.” You shook his hand firmly and let go. “I’m in the middle of something Phil. I can’t be bothered.” You turned around and fixed your notes.

“About your ex?” The new director asked.

You spun around in a split second. You turned so fast your eyes might have glowed a bit because Coulson placed a hand on Mace and pulled him back an inch. “What do you know?”

“We know you and Deadpool lost to him.” Mace continued. “I want to pull you off the case.”

“No!” You slammed your hand on your desk and it froze as a thick layer of covered the top. “I.. I mean,” You pulled your hand off the desk so that the ice thawed out. “I have to be the one to do it.”

“No. That anger is exactly why I’m pulling you off.” Mace walked forward to shake your hand again. This time when you did he squeezed so hard you felt your hand snap and made you let out a yelp. “A team that trusts, succeeds. And right now I don’t trust you.”

He let go and straightened out his coat. “Alright, let’s get going. More meetings to attend. Pleasure meeting you Mrs. Rogers.” He turned back one last time as if listening to the song, “Darth Vader’s March, good song.”

He walked out of the room as Coulson ran up to you but you pushed him away. “What an asshole! I hope he never has as great as a title as my Husband. I don’t trust him. Why is he in charge?”

“Let me look at your hand.”

“No. You made your point. Get out of here I’ll have bruce look at it.” Coulson sighed but left. “Friday.”

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“I need Bruce.”

“I’ve already notified him and Captain Rogers.” As if on cue Steve slammed the door opened and was at your side in less than a second.

“Who hurt you?”

“Your biggest fan apparently.” You rubbed your hand.

Bruce walked in with an ice pack. “Picking fights again?”

“I was kicked off of Reilly's case. It’s all you now with figuring it out. No one be surprised if I’m sent on a mission tomorrow.”

As if on cue your phone vibrated. You looked at the screen and sighed. “Maybe I can see the future.”

“Where are they sending you?”

You squinted at the phone a bit, “London.”

“What’s in London?” Steve asked.

You shrugged, “It’s probably a made-up something or other.” You smiled at Steve. “I’ll take it as a vacation.”

You got another text,

Can we meet without Hydra or Shield knowing?

You quickly locked your phone.

“What was that?” Bruce asked.

“Uh… Wade, is drunk texting.”

“Is it funny let me see?” Steve asked.

“It’s inappropriate pictures.”

“Ah… Maybe talk to him about that.”

“I will. I’m going to go put him in bed.” You gave Steve a peck on the cheek, grabbed your coat and keys and hurried out.

-----

“She gonna be okay?” Steve asked looking at Bruce.

“She’s probably going to let some anger out. You know how she is with getting off of missions”

-----

You walked into a theme park with your only cover being a hat and sunglasses. You found the meeting point and sat down to wait. Soon someone sat down extremely close.

“Make it quick. I think I’m being watched.” You mumbled.

“How are you?” Riley asked sweetly.

“Stick to why you are here.” You said in a flat tone.

The man you used to be in love with sighed, “They want me to kill you.”

“I’m touched.”

“What about you?”

You sat quietly for only a moment, “They kicked me from your case.”

He turned his head towards you. “What why?”

“New Director.”

“I saw him on the news. He seems fake.” You thought the same thing but you weren’t about to tell a Hydra assassin that. “Why is your hand broken?”

“He has superhuman strength.”

“I bet Cap’s pissed.”

“Why are you being friendly?”

“I regret how I acted those many years ago.” He said that with a type of tone like he was testing if that was an okay thing to say. It really wasn’t.

“I have to go.” As you tried to stand your legs suddenly couldn’t move. “Let me go. Or I’ll hurt you back.”

“I can’t do that.” Riely kept looking straight.

“Really? Right now? In a Theme Park?”

“It’s my job.” As he spoke your hand slid into your pocket as an emergency panic option text your had set up went out to Steve and Bruce. “They won’t get here in time.”

“I can keep you busy until then.” You froze your hand and socked him in the face confusing him long enough that your legs could move. You jumped up and looked around for an employee. Once you caught the eyes of one of them you yelled out, “Evacuate the park!” You took off your hat and sunglass so the lady could see who you are.

By then Riley was now standing. “You’re going to make this difficult…” he rubbed some of the blood on his forehead where you hit onto his hand. As he swung at you again the blood turned into the shape of a blade right in front of your face giving you barely enough time to duck. You made the ground shift under him so that he was on the ground again.

Your eyes started to glow a flame grew in your hand. Your brother looked at you still with a blank face. “Is that the crazy look they said you always had when you were in that prison.” That made you stop a bit as you thought back to that horrible place. “These people don’t deserve you. You’re dying for no reason.”

“Shut up!” a fireball flung from your hand to Riley who moved out of the way by taking one step to the right. When you tried to throw another, your body froze again. “You are too much of a coward to actually fight me.”

“I have abilities so I should just use them.” As he got close you could see something in his eyes.

“The winter soldier serum. That’s why you're attacking aren’t you.”

“That or I hate you.”

“Not enough to kill me.” He shrugged as he prepared to strike.

That’s when a giant ball of red white and blue bumped him out of the way and Steve caught you as you tripped back a step. “Nice timing.”

“Yeah, well, you never hit that SOS button so I assumed it was bad.”

“Where’s Bruce?” As if on cue you could hear Riley struggling. When you looked over you saw him hanging upside down with his feet in Hulk’s hands. “He came green?”

“As I said, you never hit the SOS button.”

“Hulk, knock him out, we’ll take him with us.” Hulk hit him once and your ex was out.

#Avengers #avenger fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #honeymoon #honeymoon redo #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader

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the--sad--hatter · 5 years

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Name Changing (4)

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU, X-MEN, DEADPOOL

PAIRING - BUCKY X READER (female reader, no physical descriptions)

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION - Sequel to Name Calling

After merging with your bloodthirsty alternate personality things start getting a little dicey. You’ve got two decades worth of anger to sort through, a feral mutation to figure out how to live with, a biological father who you hate trying to teach you control and if your wedding planner suggests teal for the bridesmaids again you might just eat her liver.

Luckily you have Bucky Barnes by your side, helping you figure things out. What Bucky doesn’t know is that you have found an outlet for the uncontrollable rage, one that absolutely nobody can know about. If your friends and family knew that you were out slaughtering people in the dead of night while they slept, they might be a little annoyed. Wade Wilson is happy to keep your secret though, so long as you keep bribing him with Mexican food.

For as long as you could remember, all you had wanted was to be good. Now you’re seeing the temptation in the darkness.

A Stark Reminder

Read the Exclusive Interview with Deathwave

Interview conducted and written by Kara M Pierce

Since her very public debut as the long lost daughter of Tony Stark, she has been the subject of much curiosity. Her story is a dark one, yet it’s also one filled with hope.

It quickly came to light that Miss Stark was far more than she first appeared and while she is in fact Tony Starks daughter, it is not by blood. Though after just a few minutes in her presence I am wondering if that is true. She exudes the same confidence and charm as her father, not to mention the same sharp wit. Having interviewed Mr Stark in the past I can confirm that both Starks harbour the same respect and fear for Pepper Potts as one look from the CEO can make either Stark fall into line.

Thank you so much for agreeing to sit down with me today Miss Stark.

Bold of you to assume I had any choice.

Thank you so much for convincing her to sit down with me today Mrs Potts.

She’s very happy to be here.

I imagine you are quite busy, does being Deathwave take up a lot of your time?

It does but apparently the bad guys have no concept of acceptable work hours. Someone should really start a labour union for them or something.

What’s it like being an Avenger and is it different from being a secret Avenger?

I used to just have to deal with Hydra and Vernichtung agents attacking me, now I have paparazzi as well but apparently I’m not allowed to blast them into smithereens.

Other than that, it’s not actually very different. Not having to wear the mask makes it a little easier, that thing was kinda warm.

How well do you get along with the other Avengers?

Sam Wilson, The Falcon is my best friend. When I first arrived at the compound he sort of took me under his wing. Sam is an excellent cook and he loves feeding people He’s also a great listener, he really cares about what you have to say and if you need advice he’ll do his best to give it to you but he knows when you just need to vent.

Plus have you seen the muscles on that man? Who doesn’t want to cry on those shoulders?

It sounds like you’re writing a dating profile for him. Are you trying to get him a date Miss Stark?

No... Maybe. Not that he needs my help, the man is handsome, charming, has the thighs of a god and is a superhero. He's also single. Just saying.

What about the other Avengers, are you close with them?

Well I am engaged to one so yes? We’re a family, all of us. I trust them with my life and they trust me with theirs. When we’re out there in the field our lives and the lives of the people we are fighting to protect rests in each others hands. That tends to form some close bonds.

So does that mean you’re close with Loki, the man who once led an attempted invasion?

Yes, I am. Loki was not responsible for that, and despite being controlled he managed to manipulate events so he would lose the battle of New York. He did the best he could with limited control of his own mind.

Loki was instrumental in helping me defeat Docherty, he helped us win the Second Battle of New York. He’s a hero, an Avenger and a friend and anyone who says otherwise can take it up with me personally. I’ll be happy to educate them on the difference between a hero and a villain.

You seem to have a protective streak, not just for those you know personally.

Was there a question in there?

I was wondering where that protectiveness comes from?

My father. He protected me. And I owe it to the world to follow in his example. He made a lot of mistakes along the way to becoming the hero he is today and he owns up to them and not only learned from them, encourages me to learn from them as well.

Speaking of your father, there’s been much speculation about your biological family.

Are you referring to the rumors that were leaked about Docherty being my grandfather?

Yes, those rumors have been circulating. Is there any truth to them?

Yes.

Would you like to elaborate on that?

Not particularly. Biologically, I was his granddaughter. He was evil, I stopped him. End of story.

What about the rest of your biological family? Do you have any desire to know about them?

What makes you think I don’t already know? My mother is dead, Docherty killed her. My father didn't know I existed until recently and he... he and I are working through our issues but that’s a private matter. If his identity comes to light at any point I just wanted people to know he didn't know about me or Docherty. It wasn't his fault.

That’s fair. Onto happier subjects Miss Stark, you won’t be Miss Stark for much longer. Are you excited?

You’d assume I was excited about my upcoming nuptials or I wouldn't be getting married would I?And the Stark name was the greatest gift I ever got, I’m not giving it up. I’ll be Mrs Stark-Barnes.

How did the romance between you and Sargent Barnes happen? Who made the first move?

(Miss Stark is trying to contain a laugh at this point, Mrs. Potts giving her a warning look.)

He made the first move. He followed me about for months, begging me for a chance. It was getting quite sad so I took pity on him.

What about the photo’s that appeared to show you on a date with Captain Rogers?

Well, Cap was my first love but he’s too good, too pure. I had to downgrade.

So you settled for Sargent Barnes?

(The laughter dies and the expression on Miss Starks face is one of love and conviction, it is clear her feelings for Sargent Barnes are very real and very powerful.)

James is the only man I have ever wanted to be with and the only man I ever want to be with. He’s my partner in every way, he supports me even when he doesn’t like what I’m doing, he challenges me when I’m being an idiot, he forgives me when I mess up, he holds my head above water when I’m drowning. He is the love of my life I know how lucky I am that I get to spend the rest of my life returning his love.

What about the blurred photographs that appear to show you in the company of the Vigilante and Mercenary known as Deadpool?

Deadpool is a menace to society. It is my personal mission to hunt him down and give him exactly what he deserves.

Quite a turn around from the woman who once refused to sign The Sokovia Accords.

My refusal to sign wasn’t about the accords themselves but rather the way they were being used. Secretary Ross is a slimy rat and I would never cow to his perceived authority. (There is a short argument between Mrs. Potts and Miss Stark but Miss Stark insists we can print her opinion on Secretary Ross, though it must be noted that the opinion of the interviewee do not necessarily represent the views of this publication.)

Colonel Rhodes is a man who knows the value of bureaucracy and the importance of the accords and balances it with the public's need for protection. The Sokovia Accords are no longer used as a power play but are in place to protect the people who signed as well as holding them accountable for their actions.

It’s at this point in the interview I informed Miss Stark I had some fan questions that had been sent in and she immediately perked up.

I like the fans, they’re just normal people who like me for some reason. It’s always strange when they come up to me and ask for a selfie or an autograph but it’s inspiring. Hopeful. It reminds me that there’s a world out there that I get to help protect.

From Jess on Ao3: How did you decide that you wanted to be good, despite the evils you’ve encountered?

I decided I wanted to be good because of the evils I encountered. My earliest memories are of cruelty and you’d think growing up that way might have given me a twisted sense of morality but I knew the way I felt was horrible and I didn't ever want to be the reason somebody else felt that way. There was a guard when I was really young, he slipped me chocolate through the bars of my cell. He was killed for it when they found out. That's how I knew they were evil, even if I didn’t know the word. And I knew I didn't want to be that way.

TaraStudiesaLot: Are you are interested in any art form? Photography, painting, film or music? Like, does do enjoy any of these or are they still foreign to you?

Steve tried to get me into art but I’m more made to appreciate it than make it.

I like to take pictures though, nothing special, just little moments from life. I like being able to look back at the photo’s, they help ground me and remind me of the good things I have in my life.

Phoenix-whiskey-Tears: What kind of music are you into?

I hadn’t even been out of the cage for a full day before my dad introduced me to AC/DC. So I kind of associate 80’s rock with freedom I guess? I’m also partial to big band music from the 40’s. (It should be noted that at this point, Miss Stark is doing her best to hide her blush.)

Firefly-in-darkness: I wanna know more of your habits and little simple things like your favorite colour, movies, books, etc?

Red. My favorite colour is red. The Iron Suit was red, red is the colour of freedom, of salvation, justice.

Books and movies? I don’t have favorites per se, it’s still exciting and thrilling to see and read them, even bad ones.

HoneyBadger: What advice would you give to abuse survivors? And do you think you’d ever take on a protege or sidekick?

Well first of all, I have a sidekick. Bucky Barnes.

To abuse survivors I would say this, you already did the hard part. You survived. You are already winning that battle by fighting it and I know it’s a long battle, one you’ll be fighting every day for the rest of your life. That thought is depressing and exhausting and overwhelming.

But it’s worth it. The world is still out there waiting for you, use the pain you have experienced to see the world differently. See the beauty in the mundane and normal because after your suffering you deserve every single tiny bit of happiness and calm you can grasp.

What happened to you shaped you yes, but it does not define you. You are so much more than what they did to you. Their evil does not leave a stain on you and your future is not dictated by your past.

You’re warriors, Kings and Queens who deserve so much more than life gave you. Life and people can be cruel and it’s up to you now, to take what you deserve from the world. Be amazing, you’ve already proven you have it in you. Support one another, hold each other up and never ever forget that we are a thousand times better than those who tried to put us down.

Pydia Packmaster: What keeps you going despite everything you have been through?

Life goes on, the world keeps turning. And everything I endured can be used to help me make sure others don’t have to go through the same thing.

All the bad things that happened to me are being used as a force for good now. Like I once said, I was created to end the world but I’m going to save it.

Beansy: if you had the ability to change anything in your past, what would it be and would you?

I wish I had known I had a mother, maybe I could have saved her before it was too late. Maybe I could have known her. But what’s done is done. My whole life I didn’t even dare to imagine that I would have a future but now I do and I won’t waste it by living in the past.

ToastLuvr: If you could choose an actress to play you in a movie who would it be?

Jack Black. Next question.

BuckityBarnes: Who’s your Avengers Crush?

Black Widow... Obviously. If Nat would have me I’d drop Bucky in a heartbeat. Have you seen that thing she does with her thighs? That’s how I wanna die.

Sitting down with Deathwave was just as inspiring as I had expected. Since the details of her past were revealed to the world she has become a symbol of hope to people everywhere. She is a hero, of that there is no doubt but what truly makes her an inspiration is the fact that she reminds us all of what we can be.

Who you are and where you came from doesn’t decide where you are going to go. That choice is up to you and you alone. No matter the challenges you face in life, big or small, they can be overcome.

Setback only set you back, they don’t stop you. People will stand in your way but they can be moved. You are the hero of your own story.

We are all the heroes of our own stories.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

AUTHORS NOTE

This was mostly fun to write but there is a lot of of it that came directly from my heart. I’ve made no secret about how Docherty was based on real people who hurt me so the advice Baby Stark gives to abuse survivors is what I would say to those of you who it applies to and I mean every fucking word.

If you are or were in a situation of abuse, be it mental, physical, sexual or other then please consider my inbox a safe space to talk if you ever need it.

@nerdandproud-86 @harrison-shot-first@thejourneyneverendsx @thelostallycat @inquisitor-selvala@the-corruptor @iovher @kendrawr-kitkat @phoenix-whiskey-tears @the–real–wombat@buckitybarnes@fairislesheets@angieptt @meganjonezzzz@dugan365@fluffeh-kitty@memanda17 @krystallynx@theonelittleone@piscesbarnes@free-as-fishes@tarastudiesalot@captainamericasbeard@dropthepizza346@jaynnanadrews@likes-to-smell-books@drdorkus @life-wanderer@metalarmlover @animegirlgeeky@jsmith509@chipilerendi@nerdy-bookworm-1998@ericasabe@gravedollie666@madlykpopfan@l0kisbitch@mywinterwolf@sassysweetstories @life-wanderer @jessieray98@littledeadrottinghood @firefly-in-darkness @demonlover87 @jessieray98 @pinkisokay @chipilerendi

#hattersmarvelverse #Bucky x Reader #Bucky Barnes

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rightisntalwayseasy · 5 years

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My thoughts on Endgame

Obviously, Spoilers under the cut.

I SAID SPOILERS

For the most part, I enjoyed it. It is not my favorite, but it was a nice bookend to the current Phases of the MCU.

I loved Barton. He was a badass through and through, and I related because I do would go on an endless five year murder spree if I lost my family, blood or chosen. I loved his fight with Natasha, and I loved his INK, oh my god did I love his ink. I still don’t like the family they gave him, cause I’d rather have Clintasha and a dog, but for the MCU, it ended pretty solidly, so I was here for it. I was also here because WE GOT HAWKEYE A LOT and it was good.

I loved Professor Hulk. My boyfriend, who is my Bruce, did not, but I understand his reasoning. I loved how mellow he was, it was great. and I loved his astral form with the Ancient One. Basically my boy Hulk did no wrong, and I loved that he was so genuinely confused with the Ant Man scene where he kept shifting ages.

I liked that Tony got a child. But there was no way he was going to get to keep her, so either the time jump was going to erase her, or he was going to die. Not that surprising. She was still a sweetheart, and I adored her. I disliked how About Tony this movie was. It was a split between Iron Man 5 and Civil War: Here We Go Again. But again, that hasn’t surprised me since RDJ has been the face of the MCU. And I’m glad his time is over, so he can rest. And give the rest of the characters a chance. I also have disliked Gwenyth Paltrow as Pepper Potts for a while, but that’s a personal taste thing.

PTSD!Thor was exactly what I was expecting- and more. And so very fucking relatable. I’ve been there, done that, got several T-Shirts, and to see him be redeemed by the end, to still be worthy of his hammers, to still be able to get his braids and his armor and battle it with the rest was stunning and amazing, and I’m so proud of him for listening to his mother.

Frigga is an amazing mother.

Loki is a little shit. And I don’t like that they left the plot hole open with him having the Tessract again. it was so in character, but goddammit, just stop that. And going back to the 70s to fix it? Look, another opportunity for Tony to be the focus (even with the lazy effort to bring Peggy back into the mix for Steve. More on that later). I did love the little Jarvis cameo, because my SWEET BRITISH BABY.

Natasha is my other brain cell from Marvel. She is my self when I talk to my boyfriend when I’m not being Steve (we are several characters to each other. it’s great). I loved her arch. i love that she took command, and that others listened to her. I love that she grew out her hair and had two toned hair because she was doing so much. And as much as it hurt me, I love that she was the one who gave herself up for the soul stone, to save everyone else. I knew it was coming but goddamn. I’m proud of my girl. She did so much good.

There was not nearly enough Carol Danvers in this movie. BUT I GOT MY SHORT HAIRED CAPTAIN MARVEL, AND I AM IN LOVE THANKS I’M TOO BI FOR THIS.

And then we come to my beloved Steve Rogers. My sweet, idiot, amazingly powerful and worthy bean. WHO CARRIED AND FOUGHT THANOS WITH A BROKEN SHIELD AND MJOLNIR. Who was my flannel wearing badass bi. Who Who admired his own ass. Who kept fighting no matter what. Who bestest HYDRA at their own game. Who I loved throughout this whole movie. So much. EXCEPT. E X C E P T. for that final fucking scene. Which was so much BULLSHIT to me.

I love Steggy. I love it so much. Peggy Carter is a goddess and I adore her. HOWEVER.

there has only been prolonged romance between Steve and Peggy in the movies. After the ice, he was alone. Then in CA: TWS he found her, but she was dying, so he was comfort (enter the poorly contrived film relationship with Sharon), and he found Bucky again. In CACW she died, and he went to her funeral. And he found Bucky again, and put him under in Wakanda. At least in Infinity war, we got a little bit of their relationship (Steve’s and Bucky’s), but again, there were more important things. And then Bucky got dusted, as did Sam. Steve lost most of the family he had left AGAIN.

SO FOR HIM TO UP AND GO BACK IN TIME AFTER RETURNING THE STONES TO LIVE OUT HIS LIFE WITH PEGGY GODDAMN CARTER WAS A LAZY AND HALF ASSED ATTEMPT TO FORCE A HETERO RELATION SHIP WITH PEGGY CARTER JUST TO AVOID MORE AFFECTION WITH BUCKY AFTER BUCKY HAD JUST GOTTEN BACK WAS ANGRYING. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE “I took Tony’s advice and got some life.” (when has he ever taken Tony’s advice?) Because he was there for the lecture. he knew that multiple timelines could happen. And I’ve had some argue to me that he and Bucky probably had some time together before Steve returned the stones, but it wasn’t on screen so it doesn’t fucking count. (also here’s more thoughts here https://www.thewrap.com/avengers-endgame-that-final-captain-america-scene-makes-no-sense-peggy-carter-time-retirement/ )

I had 0 problem with Sam getting the shield though. He’s ready and he deserves it, and I’m very proud of him, cannot wait for Falcon!Cap.

But that leads me to my other issue. They didn’t give us any proper time to celebrate the return of the Dusted, except for Peter, but that was just so Peter could have a tearful farewell with Tony. Again, all about Tony. and Loki, who was supposed to be dead and gone, had more screen time and lines than Bucky, or half of the other Dusted. (though T’Challa and Wanda are badasses and i want to be them when I grow up.)

IDK. I know Marvel is a bunch of cowards, but you don’t even need to give me sappy Stucky. Just let them be close, let them be friends, LET THEM BE EACH OTHER’S FAMILY. STOP MAKING US SIT THROUGH PAINFULLY CONTRIVED HETERO ROMANCES, WHEN THIS ONE PRACTICALLY WROTE ITSELF.

and if one more person says “well they weren’t gay in the comics” i’m gonna deck someone. If one more person tells me that we don’t need more LGBT superheroes, I’m gonna ask why not, because so far we’ve had bit players, or “assumed” LBGTQ characters (looking at you Captain Marvel), but we have not had leading role LGBTQ characters. Except for Deadpool 1 and 2, but the MCU doesn’t get credit for that.

SO GIVE ME MY QUEER SUPER HEROES YOU COWARDS.

but over all I’d give it probably a 6.5/7 out of ten. Marvel still owns my ass, but I’m gonna be all about the Buckys and Sams and Bruces for a bit. I’ll still play with Peggys, but I’m real upset ALSO about how they used her as a romantic interest and only that continually in the MCU, with a small exception for her role in Agent Carter.

ANYHOW. i’m done. if you got spoiled by this, I’m not sorry. there were warnings. And ya’ll can keep your disagreements to yourself, thanks.

#avengers endgame #a4: endgame #endgame #endgame spoilers #this is not spoiler free

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imaginetonyandbucky · 6 years

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The Passcode

Prompt by Anonymous: Okay, so I've read a lot of wonderful bodyguard AUs with these two, but it is always Bucky as the bodyguard (understandably). Anyone up for trying the reverse, Tony as Bucky's bodyguard somehow? Maybe it's an AU where Iron Man's identity isn't known, and when Bucky for some reason or another (maybe he isn't even the WS, maybe he's just suddenly famous and/or in danger) needs a bodyguard, Tony sends his own personal one - the Iron Man.

A/N: I’ve opted for a 616-kinda setting, but not really? It’s come out more like a mix of MCU and 616 and I don’t even know how that happened...but anyway ;D Secret identities are a thing and Tony (and Bucky) is a pining mess ^^ Hope you’ll enjoy it! <3 ~Lantia

“You want me to…what?” Tony stares at the Captain like he grew three extra heads.

“It would be temporary, just until we locate the HYDRA strain and deal with it,” Cap raises a placating hand and initiates the puppy dog eyes he refuses to admit he has.

Not even half a year after Bucky Barnes - the Winter Soldier joined the fold, HYDRA is already scheming to get their former assassin back. So Cap may stand here and sound all casual but Tony’s not fooled.

He’s anxious and worried and wants to wipe HYDRA off Barnes’s back as soon as possible…because God forbid they would succeed and get their slimy tentacles back on the man.

“But if Iron Man is otherwise engaged - ”

“No! I mean…I’ll have to double-check with him but I’m sure he’ll make some space in his busy schedule after I lay down the situation to him.”

It’s times like these Tony wished everybody would know he is Iron Man. Or at least the Avengers. As it is, Cap’s sweating it over here thinking Tony will refuse to let Iron Man bodyguard his bestest friend until HYDRA’s dealt with because Tony and Barnes aren’t exactly friends.

That’s where the split personality sets in. Iron Man and Bucky are friends. They hang out after missions all the time. No way Iron Man wouldn’t lend a helping hand to his metal bro and aside from Cap, Iron Man is the only one Bucky would voluntarily spend time with.

Tony is…well, he’s just the eccentric engineer that has a giant hidden crush on the former HYDRA assassin and occasionally fixes up his metal hand so Cap really has no reason to believe he’d go out of his way to help Barnes beyond that.

These secret identity shenanigans are giving him a headache.

“But if you need him - ”

“Cap! It’s fine. I’ve got no big plans ahead other than working on the new version of the armor and I don’t need Iron Man to cover my ass while doing that. In fact, I don’t want him anywhere near the lab…the guy’s a menace around tech,” he laughs, a little too high-pitched for his own liking but Capsicle pays it little attention.

“I’ll owe you one, Tony. A big one,” he smiles at him, squeezing his shoulder gently.

“Hey now, anything for friends. Besides, Iron Man is going to do all the work so take it up with him,” Tony shrugs.

“I will. Thank you, Tony.”

Another mission, another week of pretense to get ready for. Just his luck.

(read-more ahead!)

“I told Stevie I don’t need no bodyguard,” Bucky rolls his eyes, but greets him – the Iron Man – with a smile the next day on the common floor.

“He didn’t want to lock you up…which was the only other option. And it’s not like I mind. Any HYDRA that dares slither near us I’ll happily blast away to dust.”

He chuckles, flipping a gun into his thigh holster. “You and I both, man. Stark okay with this?”

Is he okay with this? Nope. He needs Bucky to stop calling him Stark. And more importantly, he needs to stop these…these…feelings. “Pffft, sure. Why wouldn’t he be?”

“Dunno. I don’t think he likes me very much.”

Is this guy for real?! Tony’s been positively giving him the bedroom eyes for months!

Behind his back. Secretly and cowardly. God dammit.

“If he didn’t like you, I wouldn’t be here,” he points at himself, the entire sentence entangling his brain with its ridiculousness. There’s only so many more times he can refer to himself in third person while pretending to not be himself before he goes certifiably insane. “Even if he didn’t like you, I doubt he would hate you enough to let HYDRA just have a go at you. The man hates HYDRA with a passion.”

Bucky hums, not looking very persuaded. “Anyway, we’ve got a hella lot of time on our hands…I’m thinkin’ we make the most of it. Any ideas?” he grins.

A wide range of variously dirty ideas, yes. “No video games. Thor is destroying enough controllers for all of us, I don’t need Tony on my back because of that too.” Not to mention Bucky is way too good at Mortal Combat.

“Movie?”

“The last time I checked, you like Star Wars. I don’t want to be seen watching that anywhere in this time, space and dimension.”

“A TV show then.”

“If you say Star Trek, I will puke all over the inside of this armor.”

“Widow recommended somethin’ new to me a while back…what was it…a Game of Dragons?”

Tony laughs, moving on to the sofa. Leave it to Widow to have some proper cinematic sense…and sense of humor. How many times do they say ‘Winter is coming’ in there again? “Game of Thrones. Sure. I’m up to re-watch that. JARVIS?”

“I shall queue up the first season for you then.”

They sit down, lifting their feet on the coffee table – since Cap is nowhere around to scold them about it – and JARVIS rolls the intro.

“Winter is coming? Seriously?” Bucky laughs at the title of the first episode, but enjoys watching the rest of it anyway.

They spend the next few days in the Tower – watching TV, sparring in the gym, having lazy conversations over ice coffee. With majority of the Avengers deployed to deal with the HYDRA problem, they’re mostly left alone.

Spiderman hangs out with them one afternoon after school – that he still stubbornly denies to still be attending, Wolverine goes for a couple rounds with Bucky in the gym and Deadpool drops on them out of nowhere after they’ve had a couple of drinks and were failing at karaoke - singing Careless whisper with them…twice.

Cap keeps them updated on the mission and by the looks of it they’re hot on HYDRA’s tail. Tony’s both relieved and…disappointed. Cap’s efficient work means there will no longer be a threat to Bucky’s wellbeing – that they know of – and so there will be no need for Iron Man’s services anymore. Which is good. Bucky safe and sound is good.

Tony will have to find another excuse to keep the man company – preferably one that doesn’t include imminent threat of kidnapping or death.

So much for him being the cocky flyboy flirting with everything that moves…when it comes to Bucky, he’s completely useless.

It’s easy to quip with him in the armor. Bucky likes Iron Man. Tony on the other hand…just the idea of striking up a friendly conversation with him as Tony is…scary. He never did good with rejection after all. And it would be the worst…to be accepted as Iron Man, rejected as Tony. As if he’s two people instead of one.

It’s all over on day six.

“We got them, Iron Man! We secured the base, got all the evidence we need and when Widow’s done with the agents, we’ll have even more.”

“That’s…great news! Well, take your time, Cap. We’ll be waiting for ya right here,” he tells him, hanging up on the call after Cap gives him an ETA of their return.

In few hours, the HYDRA scum are going to be stuffed in prison and the Avengers will return victorious. They’ll celebrate, Iron Man will make some likely excuse to why Tony wouldn’t be attending – not that he expects to be invited – and by tomorrow morning, Tony will be locking himself up in the lab for a week, moping like a lovesick teenager.

When did he get this pathetic?

Before his brain can conjure up some disturbing reply, Bucky appears in his line of sight, beer in hand. “Everythin’ alright?”

“Uh…yeah. Everything is…perfect. Cap and the team found the HYDRA base and are in the middle of raiding it as we speak,” he tries going for a happy tone, failing quite miserably. The helmet does have its uses at times like these. His face would betray way too much right now.

“Oh,” Bucky frowns, which is definitely not the reaction Tony is expecting. “I mean, yeah, that’s…good. So. How about we start the celebration of mission well done a lil’ early?”

“Sure…looks like you already started,” he points at the beer.

“Heh. Anyway…we could invite Stark up here. Did he even leave the lab for one second in these past few days? Or is he back to working himself into oblivion on some fancy new tech stuff?”

“Yep, you said it. There’s no bringing him out of the lab when he’s working on an exciting project. What do you say, JARVIS? Think Tony might be up for a party?”

Poor JARVIS had to get used to this hidden identity bullshit as well. He finds it amusing most of all. That little…

“Uhm…JARVIS?” Bucky frowns at the lack of a reply from the AI and unbeknownst to him, so does Tony.

“JARVIS! Report,” he demands but the comms remain ominously quiet.

“That ain’t good,” Bucky whips up a knife out of nowhere, grabbing onto his forearm and trying to push him out of the open.

Tony doesn’t budge. He has the perfect view of the hallway leading to the emergency stairwell exits and that’s why he sees it coming. It being three different grenades flying their way. Without JARVIS to do some quick thinking for him, he pushes Bucky as far away from the expected impact as he can, shielding him with the entirety of his body.

A flashbang goes off first, followed quickly by two explosions. What are they trying to do?! Get the Winter Soldier back in pieces?!

He stands up, repulsors at the ready while Bucky scrambles behind the sofa for cover – and the gun conveniently hidden underneath it. They shower the hallway in gun and repulsor fire, keeping the intruders at bay.

Just as Tony makes his way towards the stairwell to introduce them to Iron Man’s fists up close, a deafening explosion rings throughout the room, shattering all the windows and sending him flying against a wall.

A wave of HYDRA agents flood the room from both the stairwell and the outside – likely coming down from the roof and before Tony can get back on his feet and blast them all to hell, they’re surrounded and most – if not all – of their weapons pointed at Bucky.

Those bastards came prepared, he curses, his brain already going through possible ways out of their predicament.

“Better stand down, trash can. Or your buddy’s toast,” one of the agents steps up to him, hands in his pockets – must be the wannabe leader.

“Better toast than back with HYDRA,” Bucky spits, his gun sill pointed at the closest agent in front of him.

Tony would prefer neither option. But there’s too many of them. Even if he targets them all, chances are one of them gets a lucky shot…and that’s all it takes. He lowers the repulsors – they are not his only weapon after all and this way he might get some more time. Maybe…hopefully…

Bucky growls, definitely not approving of the gesture. “Just shoot ‘em all, Iron Man!”

“Good move,” the leader snickers, taking another step toward him. “Now…you’re going to tell me the passcode to Tony Stark’s lab.”

“What?!” Bucky blurts out, the gun flying sideways to aim at the leader.

“What?” Tony frowns, confused more than anything else.

“You think we bothered with all of this just for you?” the man glances at Bucky. “Nah…now that we’re here, we’ll be leaving with everything we can get. So,” he turns back to him. “Surely Stark’s very own bodyguard knows the code to get into the lab. Turns out just disabling the AI isn’t enough to get in there.”

Despite the situation, Tony finds himself grinning from ear to ear. “What do you want with Stark?” he asks, trying to hide his mirth.

“Oh this and that. Now, trash bucket. The code or we’re shooting this one through and through.”

He would usually point out how ridiculous that threat is – if they were to do that, he would just shoot them all and they’d get nothing. But Tony would lose…everything. So he keeps his mouth shut and instead focuses on the tiny plan already taking shape in his head.

“That’s a little greedy of you, isn’t it? Tell you what…I’ll give you the passcode,” he offers, ignoring the pair of widened eyes that pierce through him. “Take Stark, do whatever the hell you want with him…but you’ll leave Barnes here.”

“Hell no,” the former assassin growls some more, this time deep and threatening.

The leader smirks. “Done.”

“No! You can’t do that!” Bucky yells at him.

“I can and I will,” Tony shrugs, noting the sting of betrayal in Bucky’s voice. “How do I know you’ll honor your end of this bargain?”

“If we get Stark, what’s the point of having this…broken thing,” the man sneers at Bucky. “He’s obsolete. And we’re looking for a new model, if you know what I mean. Stark can provide us with that and more.”

“Fair enough.”

“What are you…you’re supposed to protect him!”

“Yeah…I’m tired of doing everything he tells me, what am I, his slave? Stark’s a jerk and a damn handful…chances are, you’re not even gonna want him once you find that out for yourself,” he tells the leader, ignoring Bucky altogether.

“You owe him…everything! He made you!”

Oh Buckaroo, you have no idea. “Exactly. And I don’t need him anymore,” he gives Bucky a look, the neutral face of the helmet betraying nothing.

The amount of hurt and disbelieve on his face is painful to see…and at the same time interesting. It would almost seem like he cares. About Tony. Which is unexpected, but plays right into his hands.

“We have a deal then, Iron Man,” the leader finally addresses him properly and they shake hands.

“The code is 12161991,” he tells him, barely containing his grin.

The leader nods at his lackeys. “You and your team stay here – just as a precaution of course. Once we have Stark, we’re out of here before the Avengers get back.”

Just as Tony predicted, most of the agents move along with the leader, which leaves only seven agents guarding them. And seven is much better than twenty. He can work with seven. They can.

Despite the raging schizophrenia he’s beginning to sport because of their hidden identities, they are good for something after all. Everybody knows Tony Stark is the genius – and Iron Man is just a guy in a can. If they knew Tony Stark is in fact inside the armor, nobody would ever be so easily fooled by him into anything, under no circumstances. This way, he is being underestimated from the get go.

Perfect.

“How could you!” the now quite furious supersoldier growls at him, the gun actually pointed at him. “I thought…I thought…,” he trails off, his steely gaze never wavering though. “If anything happens to him, I’ll never forgive you!”

Tony reels back, falling out of character for a second before JARVIS’s voice brings him back to the mission at hand.

“Emergency reboot complete, Sir. I have regained control over the armor’s systems but I’m afraid my systems in the Tower are still not fully functional.”

“Never mind that, just target these assholes and let’s get this over with, J!” he commands only for JARVIS to hear.

The targeting initiates, locking onto all but one of the agents – the one positioned behind Bucky.

Tony tries maneuvering to the side a little but the still furious assassin moves with him. Looks like he has no other choice.

“Nothing will happen to him,” he says carefully, eyeing the agents for suspicious reactions.

“Do you have any idea what they’re gonna do to him?!”

“Bucky…”

“This is HYDRA! Not some wannabe villains of the week!”

“Snowflake?”

“If they get away with h - ” he pauses, blinking at him. A small frown caresses his forehead as he stares at Tony.

“You must be a real special kinda snowflake to jam a screwdriver up your arm thinking you could fix it,” Tony says, echoing the first sentence he’s ever told the assassin.

Not Iron Man. Tony.

Bucky cocks his head to the side, eyes narrowed before they widen with realization.

“Sorry, you were probably about to shoot me. So why don’t you get down to it?” Tony adds and it only takes a second for the assassin to register the command and drop to the floor, leaving the last agent exposed to the armor’s gunfire.

It happens fast from there on. The agents have just enough time to look surprised before JARVIS deploys the shots against the locked on targets and a moment later, they are mere corpses on the ground.

“Targets neutralized,” JARVIS confirms.

“Thanks, J. You’re the best. Let me know when you’re a hundred percent back online.”

“Will do, Sir.”

Bucky gathers himself up from the floor, glancing around at the carnage before his gaze rests on Tony. Before either of them can speak up, the steady hum of the quinjet sounds from the outside and the room is suddenly full of very concerned-looking Avengers.

“Is everyone okay?!” Cap approaches them, glaring at the corpses. “We got here as fast as we could after Widow got the intel on their plan B.”

Right…back to Iron Man mode.

“Was this supposed to be it?” he waves at the dead agents. “So much for plan B, I’d say.”

“There should be more of them,” Widow warns them, still in full alert.

“Yeah, they’re in Stark’s lab,” he shrugs.

“What?!” Cap blurts out. “How did they get there?”

Tony sighs, raising his hands defensively. “Just relax, okay? They got a bit greedy and wanted Stark as well as the Winter Soldier…so I gave them the passcode to the lab that lets them in but also triggers a trap, locking them in there.”

“With Tony?!”

What’s with the supersoldiers today?! “He flew to London this morning. Some emergency SI business or something.”

Cap breathes out, nodding. “Good. Let’s go take care of the rest of them then.”

“Lead the way, Captain,” he prompts him and they all head down to the lab, subduing the now very salty wannabe leader and his minions.

For a week, Tony successfully evades the former HYDRA soldier. He even stoops as low as having JARVIS make sure the coast is clear whenever he emerges from the lab to go to the kitchen for snacks and coffee. It’s not like he wants to avoid him. But there are certain conversations he is so not ready to have, no matter how helpful they would be in the long run.

In fact, there’s not much to converse about anyway. Bucky knows.

There’s no way he doesn’t know, unless he has a brain the size of a peanut. Like Hawkeye. Nope. Bucky knows. So Tony sticks to his ninja play and spends his days sulking in the lab.

Maybe he should go on a vacation as well. If Iron Man can go on a vacation, why can’t he? He is Iron Man!

And if that isn’t the source of all his problems ever, he doesn’t know what is.

When he returns to the lab one evening with a Hulk-sized mug of coffee in hand, he almost spills it all over the workbench when he spots a certain soldier lurking in the shadows in front of him.

“The fuck - ” he places a palm over the arc reactor, the frantic beating of his heart drumming through the reactor’s calming hum. “Where did you come from?!” The lab can’t be accessed any other way than through the doors and with the correct passcode. Not unless someone dares to wiggle through the vents – now impassably rigged with tripwires and explosives, since a certain purple-clad superhero decided to use them instead of hallways.

Bucky emerges from the darkness with one of his rare huge smirks and nods at the entrance. “The door?”

“You don’t have the passcode!” he glares at him.

“I have a passcode. 12161991?”

Son of bitch. That’s…resourceful. “Why would you wanna lock yourself in here, you weirdo?”

“Because you’re here,” he shrugs, the smirk turning toothy.

“O…kay?”

“Thought it’s the perfect opportunity…with Iron Man on that vacation of his. He better send me a postcard or somethin’.”

He stares at Bucky like he’s just grown a second head, which only makes him smirk harder.

“Better be a good fucking postcard. In the meantime, I’m thinkin’ dinner. You, me, burgers…milkshakes?”

“Wh – what?!” he blurts out, shaking his head as if trying to wake up from this Twilight zone he fell into.

Bucky sighs, the smirk easing into a soft smile never before seen on his face. “You really think I jammed a screwdriver into my arm because I was trying to repair it? Who do you think I am, Hawkeye?! And what was the excuse after this one? That I tried stopping elevator doors with the arm and that’s why it looked like it’s been almost split in half with a vibranium shield? It was the shield…and it didn’t just slip from my hand either, I slammed it down real damn hard. The doombots didn’t even touch the arm the week after that, I actually stuck that bot claw into it myself and then the excuses to come down here to hang out with you got even more ridiculous.”

“You…what?!”

“I like you, you jerk,” he rolls his eyes, folding his hands over his chest, metal intertwined with flesh. “How much more obvious do I gotta get?! So when you just…ignored me, hell even flirted with everyone but me I figured there’s no chance. Guy can take a hint, you know?” he shrugs, the smile turning sad for a moment. “That said…I really can take a hint.”

Tony forces his brain to finally start working again and quickly absorbs everything the man has just said.

He knows.

And instead of interrogating him about it or demanding explanations he’s…he’s…using the newfound information to apparently continue flirting with Tony and actually asking him out. On a dinner date.

Tony. Not Iron Man.

Well, technically both, because he knows…he knows.

Tony emits a startled chuckle, lips twitching into a grin. “Uhm…I uh…guess I can be an idiot sometimes? Like, one out of a million times. Which isn’t really that often. Of course it isn’t, because I’m a genius after all. We do get to be stupid every now and then. Every ten years maybe, or twe - ”

“Tony?” Bucky interrupts his ramble, still with that stupidly perfect smile directed at him.

He could listen to the man saying his name like that all day. Or forever.

“Yeah?”

“What about that dinner?”

“Wh…dude. That rant a second ago? That was me saying hell yes I wanna go to a dinner with you…how obvious do I gotta get?!” he laughs, becoming unusually shy under the intense look Bucky’s inspecting him with.

“Hella obvious,” he winks and slips past Tony, lingering close to him on the way towards the doors, shoulders only just touching.

Metal and flesh.

“I’ll pick ye up in an hour,” Bucky looks back before JARVIS lets him out of the lab, leaving Tony absentmindedly nodding, staring at the door.

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe being just Tony beats being Iron Man. And maybe being both…and being seen as both isn’t as climactic as he thought it would be or have to be.

Because Bucky likes him – in and out of the can. And for tonight, that’s all that matters.

~Fin

#prompts #winteriron #tony x bucky #tony stark #bucky barnes #Lantia

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