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mishasminions · 4 years

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The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15.

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡

#THE LAST TIME I'LL CLOWN FOR THIS SHOW #SUPERNATURAL #DESTIEL #15x20 #15x19 #15x18 #UNTAGGED #INSIGHTFUL INSIGHTS

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undercover-trio · 2 years

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Lost in the woods

Malleus x GN!Reader

Could be viewed as romantic or platonic

Word count: 1079

Okay… Maybe I didn’t make the right choice, because right now it’s raining cats and dogs, and surprise, surprise, I don’t have an umbrella.

I didn’t really have a choice not to have an umbrella; I don’t get paid enough to afford those luxuries.. I’ve saved multiple students from overblots and from Crowely’s negligence and what do I get for it? Schoolwork is what, half of which I can’t even do.

I wonder if Sam can hire students? I don’t know. I’m getting off track…

The reason I had been in the forest in the first place is because I was looking for Grim. However, it’s raining now, I’m soaking wet, the sun is setting, and I am extremely lost.. Why was I checking the forest in the first place, you ask? Oh, because Grim is the type of idiot to go into the forest alone, and I couldn’t find him anywhere else on school grounds. He’s probably at Ramshackle, sleeping like the weird, gray, floating, blue flamed, cat-thing monster he is. He also probably also tried raiding the kitchen for tuna. Basically, it’s his fault I’m so lost. If I didn’t have to look for him in the first place, I wouldn’t be here, stuck in the magical forest I am not familiar with. I’m pretty sure I’ve already gone this way at least twelve times before. Usually, I’m pretty good at not getting lost, considering the people I hang out with are idiots, so I have to keep them from getting lost on a daily basis.

I turn around to try to come back the way I came, only to find myself next to the same tree I just walked away from. Welp, I’m so dead. I just hope no one misses me. Sitting down under an oddly-shaped rock, I huff and lean my head on my knee. I look down, trying to see how wet my clothes were from the rain. They were soaked, and the chances of them drying off anytime soon went down the more the sunlight gave way to the chilling darkness of the night. If I didn’t get into warm clothes or find a fire soon, I’d freeze to death. I close my eyes with a sigh, trying to think of more ways to get out of here. Maybe I should try getting back one more time before I accept my fate…

It’s worth a shot… right?

Opening up my eyes, hoping that I’m not making the wrong decision, only to see something oddly familiar… something glowing… fireflies? I jump up, almost hitting my head on the low tree branch I was sitting under. Upon inspection, the eerie green bugs seem to be filing into a line.

There’s only one thing that comes to mind when I try to figure out why they’re arranging themselves like that. In any case, this might be the only help I’ll get to escape the forest.

Listen, I know there are a multitude of ways that following a bunch of bugs blindly around a pitch black forest can pan out, and a lot of those endings could be bad. This place isn't normal, however, and I was getting desperate. If I didn’t get out of here, I would be dead anyways.

Either way, taking my chances was better than slowly freezing or starving to death. I slowly trudge toward the firefly closest to me. Cautiously reaching my hand towards it, the firefly fizzles out, leaving the next one in the line to catch my attention.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I noticed that the rain had let up at some point.Blindly stumbling after the line of fireflies led me to a path… The very same path that I had, quite stupidly, strayed from in my search for Grim.

Excitement surged through my veins as I started running to get to the path faster. Oh thank the Gods! I know where I am! Calming down, I get another look around the area, noticing that the fireflies continue to lead in the direction of the mirror room.

… I suppose it couldn’t hurt to see where they lead, considering I need to head in that direction anyway.

And so, with more confidence in my steps, I start down the line again. After another lengthy walk, the doors to the mirror room are in sight. Strangely enough, these fireflies didn’t veer away at any point.

It's odd, but not truly worrisome. If I should be worried about anything, it's how I'm going to get the homework done that I couldn't do, due to being lost in a forest for hours upon end.

Making my way through the doors and to the mirror for the Ramshackle dorm, I’m now keenly aware of the fireflies that are filing through the mirror. Now it’s even weirder… Why are they heading this way? I mean, I have a hunch but I can’t be sure of it…

The need for a shower and sleep won over my suspicions. I’m too tired to deal with this shit. I have school in the morning, anyway. I brace myself as I step into the mirror… I never get used to that, no matter how many times I do it.. After getting my bearings, I look to the dorm. It is… as decrepit and eerie as ever, except now it has a line of fireflies leading towards it. The fireflies somehow shine brighter as the line continues into the garden.

Maybe I should leave it until tomorrow… But the curiosity will kill me if I don’t find out what’s going on… Well… I knew there was a reason as to why a certain duo, and cat, clung to me so often. I’m just as reckless as them. You know what they say! Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back!

…I am so about to get murdered in my own backyard.

As I enter, still following the bugs dancing through the air, I get a glimpse of someone standing by the hedges. Judging by the horns protruding from their elegant, tall figure, I’d say it’s a really good friend. A friend that probably got worried about me after I missed our usual gargoyle appreciation meeting… Oh no, I forgot! I feel so bad.

Running up to his tall figure, guilt written all over my face. I call out to him “Tsunotaro! Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be late.” he looks to me with a rather relieved air about him, then composing himself “Oh there you are child of man”

I don't know what I'm doing, I wanted to get this out as a think for the English sub release of the game but I kept on putting it off, now it's two months late.

Also if anyone wants a continuation I'd be more than willing to do that, just wanted to get this finally out of my guilty little brain.

- Mod Crow

#mod crow #x reader #gn!reader #twst malleus #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #god help me im tired

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nagisa-shiota-worthy-shit · 3 years

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Tinder Matches

Karmagisa Week 2021, day 1 prompt: Matching wordcount: 1600

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The fact that Nagisa had a tinder account wasn’t something he really shared with anyone. At the time, he’d created it as a joke, a way of amusing his friend’s stupid suggestion. According to Kayano, it truly could be the solution to his lack of experience in the love life department. Nagisa hadn’t been too sure about that. He was more than aware of the application’s status and, no, he wasn’t really interested in finding people to just have sex with.

Yet, somehow, he still found himself swiping through people on the app one night. He was alone in his room, a little bored, and perhaps even a little too tired after a day’s worth of teaching. None of the people he came across really interested him much, although he had to admit that he’d probably give them a shot if he saw them in real life, just because he wanted to believe in the best in people.

This app, however, gave little to no information on someone’s personality. Then again, some people were very clear about looking for someone rich to provide for them, which Nagisa guessed his teacher’s salary wasn’t exactly right for, and he supposed that also said something about their personality and what they were like in a relationship. Nothing Nagisa really wished to deal with.

After swiping left on complete strangers in fear of one secretly being a stalker, murderer, or just having horrible table manners, he suddenly stopped when a familiar face popped up on his screen. the red hair, the golden eyes, that all too familiar smirk. Nagisa recognized exactly who he was seeing, yet somehow couldn't exactly process the idea. it just didn't seem entirely right.

Someone like Karma wouldn't need to use tinder, right?

He found himself staring at the title picture for a while before he realized he could scroll through and see more. it wasn't like he didn't know what karma looked like... but... he sure was curious about what karma was putting out there.

It didn't appear to be all that special at first. A selfie in a casual outfit, a picture of him at a bar with people Nagisa didn't recognize, a traveling picture, but the last picture was something else. This picture appeared professionally taken, or at the very least it wasn't a selfie and the picture was set up. Karma was posing in it, after all. Posing in a suit, the jacket in his hand, thrown over his shoulder as he glanced at the camera with those devilish eyes. Nagisa was nothing but taken back by it.

He shouldn't be staring, should he? This was his close friend and fellow assassin graduate, the staring was just weird. Yet, somehow, he couldn't look away from the picture and thought back to when he’d first met Karma, so many years ago now. He’d felt the same sense of awe back then. Karma was just so perfect, how couldn’t he. This picture, him as an adult looking like a literal model, was like a visual representation of everything Nagisa used to feel Karma was.

The sudden noise of the train passing near his apartment woke him up from his state. suddenly turning very red, he frantically moved his hands and went to swipe left, except his phone nearly fell out of his hands in the process. He caught it, hands all over the screen and, through his own fingers, he could see Karma being swiped right.

no. no nonono. please go back

Nagisa fumbled with his phone, hoping to undo his actions, but before he could do anything, a message popped up on the screen. He was surprised by it to say the least.

‘you've got a match’

A match. He matched. but that meant... Karma had swiped right on him as well?! why would he- probably as a joke. he probably came across nagisa and thought it was funny, right? Nagisa had to assume that was the truth, although deep in his mind a thought echoed around saying the exact opposite. Maybe he wanted it to not be a joke.

After panicking for a hot minute, his phone made a ping sound, indicating he’d gotten a message. He was too scared to look. Somehow, before even opening the message, he could already sense who it was from. Sure enough, once he finally did gather the courage to check the notification, his fears were proven right. This was the worst situation.

Karma: well well well, didnt take you as the tinder type

He considered ignoring it. What was that called again? Ghosting? Yes, he could ghost Karma. If he didn’t respond to the message, perhaps nothing else unfavourable would be happening. Well, Karma would probably mention it to him the next time they spoke in real life. That would probably be even worse. It wasn’t like he could ignore Karma for the rest of his life. It wasn’t like he wanted to.

Nagisa: i'm not

Karma: yet here you are.

Karma: swiping right on me ;)

The cockiness almost oozed out of the message. Nagisa was left frowning at his phone. The main thought going through his mind was that Karma was probably enjoying this. He was a sadist like that. He was having fun while Nagisa wanted to bury himself as deep underground as possible.

Nagisa: you swiped right first!

Nagisa: mine was an accident

Nagisa: I was surprised to see you on here and my phone dropped

Karma: ah, so you wouldn't swipe right on me :( am I too ugly?

Nagisa felt his face grow hot. He probably shouldn't look at his reflection if he wanted to save himself from the image of his head being a tomato. He didn't think karma was ugly. quite the opposite, actually. Not that he could say that. That would be weird. So, he tried to find some middle ground answer, not calling karma ugly or the opposite of that.

Nagisa: I never said that, I just didn't intend to swipe right on someone i'm already friends with.

There, no way that could be taken wrong. He considered sending an additional message, clarifying just how dropping his phone led to the swiping right, but decided against it. It would sound just a little too defensive.

Karma: well,its nice this gives us a chance to talk again anyways. appears youve been too busy to answrr my texts.

An awkward laugh escaped Nagisa as he looked away from his phone, forgetting Karma couldn't actually see his reaction. There was no reason to avoid eye contact when there was no eye contact to begin with. Still, he shared the sentiment. He kind of had forgotten to keep contact with people lately.

He blamed the new workplace. After finishing his days as a trainee, the new school he worked at was surprisingly more demanding. He always knew being a full time teacher was a lot of work, especially now that there was no one to keep an eye on him and remind him of certain teaching specifics of the school he taught at. Of course, the work was rewarding enough for him to barely think about his loss of contacts. He had a habit of treating those too loosely anyways.

Nagisa: ive just been working

Karma: workaholic

Nagisa: you literally have more work hours than me

Karma: and somehow you still spend as much time working as me.

The conversation went on like that for a bit, them going back and forth at each other. Overall, it wasn't a bad time. Nagisa kind of forgot about the actual use of the app, and the fact that he could just DM Karma on line whenever he wanted to, until Karma managed to bring back the conversation to it.

Karma: you know, usually when people match, they try to meet up for a date

Of course Nagisa was aware that that's what the app was for, it was sort of the reason he’d gotten it as well. However, he didn't think anything would lead anywhere for him, let alone with karma. surely karma wasn't being serious. it would be weird to go on a date with your friend.

and still, Nagisa endulged him, being so stupid as to ask further.

Nagisa: where do people even go on tinder dates?

Karma: anywhere they want to, usually just for drinks, easy way to lead them home a little tipsy afterwards

Nagisa: okay that sounds creepy

Karma: if that's not your style I could always take you out for dinner.

Karma: There's this new sushi restaurant near my place, looks like something you'd love.

somehow, he actually considered it. On any other day, that would sound insane to nagisa. Since when would he consider dating karma? Wait, not dating, going on a date with Karma. There was a difference. Sushi did sound great, and so did Karma's company. He supposed he hadn't really been out like that in a while. date or not.

Karma: i can even pick you up, very romantic

The word hit Nagisa a little hard. Romantic. What would that entail? Would they sit opposite of each other, send cute glances, maybe even hold hands beside the table? He wanted his mind to hate the idea of that, doing those things with his friend, ruining the relationship they already had. But, he also wanted to give in, say yes, and see where things would lead. At the very least, he'd have a fun night with good food.

Nagisa: you have a day in mind?

Karma: how's Saturday?

Nagisa: Saturday's fine

Karma: it's a date!

#KarmagisaWeek21 #Karma Akabane #Nagisa Shiota #assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #KaruNagi #karmagisa #fanfiction #fanfic #shipweek #anime #manga

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eclectickss · 3 years

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PGATW Part 6

Wanda Maximoff x Natasha Romanoff x OC (fem!reader)

Summary: The avengers take a vacation to a private island rental off of the Georgia coast! You now have an opportunity to spend time with your new family, especially Wanda and Natasha.

Word Count: 2.1K

Check out my main post for links to the rest of the parts. Third part of the day! I was just looking for excuses to post this, so I caved. Also I decided to add a small plot so that this wouldn't go on forever, so apologies if chapter posts take a bit longer! Also I extended expected length to 10 chapters... small warning though, i have commitment issues <3 (i've never written more than five parts to anything before, so roll with me on this one...) ~el

After what felt like hours (but was probably only 20 minutes), everyone was finally off of the plane and split between the three cars that you all were supposed to have for your vacation.

You managed to get a window seat, but peter ended up with the middle and Wanda on the other side. Pietro took the open shotgun and Nat was asked to drive, and now you were all squished in the car, on the way over to the bridge.

"So," Pietro started. "Wanda got Natasha and Talia? I'm impressed, sister." A grin tugged at his lips while everyone sat in shock. The silence was thick, and you were desperate for someone to break it. Even Peter looked nervous, but you knew that he would never tell anyone. The three of us weren't being that obvious, were we?

"Oh, come on," He mocked. "I'm your brother, Wanda. I notice things. I didn't think anyone else caught on though, you three were acting rather normal for all being in a relationship, though. But you never know! It's only day one, I'm pretty sure, so you all better watch yourselves." Pietro smirked.

"Thank you, brother, for looking out for me." Wanda sarcastically grumbled. "I didn't know you cared about my private life." He laughed.

"Of course I care, sister. Did Peter know about this, though? I would feel a little bad if he didn't."

" No- yeah... yeah I uhh- I knew. Yep. I knew." Peter nearly whispered next to you.

"Oh ok, that's good. That could have been really awkward."

"Yeah..." You managed to push out.

"So Talia," He started again, wishing the only thing he could do would be to shut up. You briefly thought about portaling out of the car and into one of the others, but you didn't want to leave everyone else at the will of Pietro. "How did the two of them ask you? Was it really awkward? Did my sister get shy? "Did Natasha get all flustered and soft?" The assassin and the witch glared at him, but he paid no mind. The two of them were obviously getting annoyed with Pietro's behavior, so you decided to do something about it.

"Actually, Pietro, it was really sweet." You smirked and you could feel everyone's eyes on you, even Natasha who was taking quick glances into the rearview mirror. "Yeah no, when they actually asked me to join their relationship, I didn't believe them at first. I thought they were fucking with me because I had been crushing on them for so long. Turns out, in Wanda's exact words, 'We're not fucking with you, Talia, we just want to fuck you.' really romantic shit if you ask me." Wanda's cheeks were bright red, but at least she was smirking. The boys looked uncomfortable, Pietro most importantly. You could apologize to Peter later.

"Oh yeah, Dude. No, your sister also has really talented fingers too, coming from someone who's seen them in action. She got Nat down hard. It was hot." You caught Natasha's wink in the mirror. "Yeah she called me a 'good girl' as she watched me cum too... her cunt tastes really good, Pietro. I'm sure she could say the same thing about mine." You finished your speech with a shit-eating grin.

"Forget I asked." The speedster turned back in his seat, not daring to make eye contact with you. You looked over to Peter and mouthed an "I'm sorry", but he just awkwardly shrugged it off.

"It's fine. It was worth it." He mouthed back, still obviously uncomfortable, but with a small smile on his face. You wanted to laugh but didn't want to interrupt the new silence as you continued on your drive to the bridge.

You noticed another bridge on the way, imagining that went to a bigger island in the area. There was a lot of traffic around it, so you assumed there was something else to go and check out later.

A little further down the coastal road, a mini-golf course drew your attention. You made a mental note, wanting to check that out later too.

The coolest thing though was the bridge. It had its own gate near the entrance, which all three cars had clickers to.

"Alright ladies plus Peter, welcome to your home for the next two weeks," Natasha smirked behind the wheel as you laughed at the absence of Pietro's name. He didn't dare say anything as you stared at the view from the bridge.

It was gorgeous yet simple. The marshes seemed to stretch forever as you spotted different types of wildlife that roamed the area. Everyone was silent in the car as they took in the view, happy to be exploring new surroundings.

From the top of the bridge, you could see two other islands both off in opposite directions, but they both looked like they were regular tourist destination spots, making you happy that you got to be on a peaceful island in the middle of all of it. You still wanted to check out the other areas, so you pocketed that adventure plan for another day.

As you drove onto the island, you began to notice how small it actually was, but that didn't really bother you too much, seeing as the only house that sat on it was big and beautiful.

It looked slightly worn out from the elements, but it also felt real and authentic. You liked it. There were two stories that you could see, and the front was grand. There were stairs off to the left side leading up to the main entrance, and two garage doors off to the right. Underneath the main part of the house was just a concrete space with beach access, and you could see the dunes from your spot in the car. You were excited.

"Hey, Web Kid, you ready to do some exploring? " You grinned at the person next to you.

"Hell yeah Tal." The two of you high-fived as you caught Wanda's eye roll.

"Natasha, you in? Wanda seems to think it won't be any fun." Natasha laughed.

"You know it." The spy gave a wide grin.

"I never said that!" Wanda exclaimed as Nat finally turned the car off.

"You looked like it..." You teased, making direct eye contact with her.

"Fuck you, Talia!" She laughed as she raced to get out of the car and ran around to your door, but you were already running to the house with Peter and Natasha on your heels when she reached your side.

"I get the biggest room and ladies chose first!" Tony yelled after you as the witch chased everyone in the house. Pietro just sat in the car, happy to be out of that mess.

Wanda almost ran into the three of you in the house as you all were stopped, gaping in awe at the rental home.

"Damn," You breathed.

The front room was a big, tall cylinder with wooden stairs curving up the wall to your left. From where you were standing, you could see straight into a big living room-like area, and just off to the right seemed to be a big kitchen.

The four of you walked into the kitchen slowly, taking everything in, especially you and Peter. Off to your right, There was a grand entrance to the first bedroom in the house, which you guessed was right above the two-car garage. Peeking in, you saw a big king bed and a bathroom off to the side, as well as what appeared to be a large closet.

"Guess I found Tony's room." You snickered at the fact that he didn't get an ocean view, as well as it is right about the garage and right off of the main living area.

Around the corner and down the hall, you all found four smaller rooms on the right, all with queen beds and small bathrooms. They all looked similar too, and now you were happy that you got the first room choice. Down in the far corner of the main space was the laundry area with the only washing machine in the house. Why would something this big only have one washing machine? You internally shrugged.

"Let's head upstairs." Everyone followed your lead. As you passed the main entrance, you saw everyone else unpacking the cars outside. Boring, you thought.

At the top of the stairs was a small space with a balcony that looked into the living room, as well as a wonderful view of the ocean and beach The sixth bedroom was off to the left, with double doors. You opened it, and the second you did, you could see it in Peter's eyes that he wanted it. It was a thin and long room... definitely an odd shape... but you could see its charm. There was a queen bed on the ocean side, and the space was just wide enough to fit two dressers on either wall. The bathroom and closet were on the other side of the room, and it all felt simple, relaxing, and quiet.

"It's all your's, Peter." You smiled.

"Uhh, really? You three get first pick..."

"Yeah. Perks of spending time with the women. Plus, I think Nat and Wanda are going to want the room on the other end. This is a little small." You laughed, remembering seeing another set of double doors at the end of the hall.

"Ok, awesome!" He left the room and headed back towards the stairs.

"Don't you wanna look at the rest of the rooms before you get your stuff?" You shouted at him.

"No, it's fine! You all go on without me!" He disappeared. You realized he probably just didn't want to be in the middle of you three picking rooms, so you understood. Once he was gone, though, Nat spoke.

"Talia," You turned to her. "We understand that you only mentioned Wanda and me in a room, but you know that you are welcome to join us, right?" You smiled.

"Yeah, I assumed." You went to softly kiss Natasha. "But not yet." Wanda rubbed your shoulders. "In my own time, I promise. I just need to know I have a private space for a bit, ok?" You leaned into the witch's touch. "I'll probably spend a lot of time in there though, don't worry." Smirking, you turned to kiss Wanda.

"You don't have to explain anything to us, baby girl." Natasha wrapped her arms around you, as did Wanda.

"I know. I wanted to." That made everyone smile, and you wanted the moment to last a little longer, but you also didn't want to make it awkward. "C'mon. Let's go check out the rest of the rooms." You grabbed their hands and left Peter's room.

The hallway across from you was lined with doors to the remaining 5 bedrooms and another railing peering over the first floor right before the end. Two doors were on left and the final two were on the right, with the last one with french doors at the end of the hall.

The two street rooms on the right were both a little different but had the same idea. They shared a bathroom, though, which Tony failed to mention, so your last two options were the ocean views on the left. The one closer to the stairs reminded you of all the rest of the rooms, but your heart really fell in love with the second one. It was a little bit more of a re-designed rec room than a bedroom, with a big window looking out to the coast, but also an open railing with a rod curtain that peered over the first-floor kitchen and dining space to the right. Two the left was the closest and bathroom that were clearly last-minute additions, but you didn't mind. The best part of the room, though, was the placement of the bed. A queen bed sat elegantly under the big window, and you knew it was perfect.

"I love it." You grinned.

"Really?" Wanda's nose scrunched. "It's not that private..." She said, glancing over the railing.

"I can pull the curtain, silly." You rolled your eyes. "It's quirky. I want it."

"Ok... whatever you like, princess." You punched her arm.

"C'mon. Let's go see your room. Know what I'm getting into." You smirked, making your way to the final bedroom in the house.

While the room was a lot smaller than Tony's, it was much more valuable. There was a king bed placed right under a large, angled window that looked out to the water, as well as a light bathroom with a stand-up shower that shared the same view. It was gorgeous, and you were a little jealous. Only a little bit.

"I think it's lovely." You shined. "Let's go get our shit." Everyone laughed and followed you out and down the steps.

You were going to have an amazing vacation.

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years

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Memories of 2020 - Initial asks and a small discussion

*cracks knuckles* Here we go.

If any of you have spent any amount of time today on any ARMY sns platform, I’m sure you’ve seen the mess which, as seasoned ARMY, I can tell you was the exact same mess we see...every single time. I can’t particularly say I’m surprised by any of it, especially when watching the entire process, as in the first clips hitting the TL and then the rest slowly following suit like a flood building steadily as the hours went by.

From anon: be ready for insecure vminies 😂

I’m pleased to report it wasn’t actually as bad as I expected, though now that I’m typing this I probably jinxed my own luck and the flood of asks will come soon enough, but maybe not. I’m holding on to the latter.

Based on the cycle in which these things happen every time, as in that the first clips that hit the ARMY spaces are Xkook ones, followed by vmin and other ships, and lastly more OT7 content, I expected our asks to go haywire after that clip, you know which one I mean. But we’ve only gotten two (?) about it, kind of, so I guess most people understood that it was just for laughs and nothing serious that anyone would have to get insecure over.

From anon: Sigh. This is my first memories of bts as army and i'm already tired of how all of twitter seems to be about 1 j*/k*ok moment now. There were so many j*n/kook m*ments and hugs and a sweet h*pe/k*ok backhug moment and a good number of vmin moments including slow dancing so why is the focus always on that one ship?

Here’s the thing, maybe my TLs are just well curated, I don’t know, but on mine no one really focused on that moment? Even non-shipper OT7s just briefly had a chuckle and then moved along to other things, awww’ed at vmin moments, there was lots and lots of talk about J*nk*ok being super cute and there being so much content when it comes to their interactions, there was a lot of chatter about basically every duo and OT7 moment. I know ship specific spaces went nuts, Xkookers butting heads like their lives depend on it, but outside of them?

“All of twt” is an exaggeration and I know, believe me I do, that Xkookers have the ability to make it seem like everyone just cares about their moments because they themselves (the shippers) are loud and seemingly everywhere, but when you look past them, that isn’t the case. Shippers have a tendency to generalize, especially those who follow a lot of their fellow shippers, but when you step outside of shipper spaces, things look very differently.

Like anon said, though I’d like to preface this by saying that I haven’t seen the entirety of Memories of 2020 so I can only go by what I have seen though I’d say I’ve seen nearly everything that was posted on twt or at least as much as I could find (including Xkook things), there were a lot, and I mean a lot, of amazing moments between basically all the members, regardless of who your favorite duo might be, I’m sure there was something for you there. Even those who are supposedly a rarity. And even as vminnies, this time around we had a feast with so many amazing vmin moments, some funny ones, some random ones, some super cute ones, whatever you want, there is something there for you to find. And the same can be said about so many other duos, we even got Yoongi and Hobi FaceTiming each other, and Yoongi saying they look like a couple while looking at the pictures Hobi chose for the coffee truck he sent to Yoongi’s Daechwita MV filming set.

There’s one discussion I’d like to get out of the way below the cut, but after that I will have another post very, very soon in which I want us to just have some fun and look at vmin, namjin and the other moments because there is just so much to find. And this is just day one of people having the DVDs, these discussion will continue for a while because, like I mentioned before, Memories are a treasure trove for OT7 content and fun stuff, and there’s more than eleven hours worth of it to be watched, discovered and discussed.

But, okay, let’s get into that moment since anons wanted to talk about it and know my thoughts on it, so let’s do just that. And yes, other anon from a while ago, I remember you once mentioning how I shouldn’t talk about other ships and shouldn’t “debunk” them and their moments, though I’d hardly call this debunking, but as I said many times since our first post, I’m ARMY before I am a vminnie and namjinist, and our blog is called thoughts on Bangtan and, as far as I’m aware, both JK and Jimin are part of Bangtan, so I don’t see a reason why I can’t show my perspective on it and also voice my grievances with shippers when it comes to that moment. And, before anyone comes into our asks to yell at me for being toxic/problematic or only doing this to make my ship look better or whatever, no, that isn’t the point, like at all.

“Debunking” moments makes literally no difference whatsoever in the grand scheme of things and doesn’t affect reality, all I am doing is having a chat just like everyone else. I’m not even asking you to agree with me, you’re more than welcome not to, I can’t and won’t stop you. Also, just so you know, my initial reaction was just to laugh amused by it, no hard feelings, so I’m not the bad guy.

That being said...the Xkook moment.

Here’s the thing, when it first surfaced many hours ago, the moment itself was cut down to show just the moment of Jimin leaning close to JK and JK leaning back and turning his head away so his cheek faced Jimin...and cut, some even cutting off the video before JK turned his head. That’s it. People, as in shippers, freaked out, and everyone else had a good laugh and moved along to other things, even vminnies were joking about it and everything. I saw none of my fellow vminnies getting angry or insecure about it. Then, as time went by, someone else posted that scene but this time also showing the things leading up to it, so putting it into context instead of removing it. With the context suddenly the whole thing looked and felt completely differently since moments prior Jimin was pretending to stab JK with the pointy end of his mic and then acted as though to check if he was d*ad, as in the end of the scene. Turns out it was just for giggles and not some grand romantic moment in a room full of people and a camera close to their faces.

By that time, of course, those who cared most about that moment had long decided what meaning this holds and didn’t care once context was shown. Gifs and art had already been created, the yelling was loud, and the fights between Xkookers were reaching levels of toxicity I hadn’t seen in a while, which was disgusting and fucked up the say the least. But, the thing is, I don’t think the moment itself was the issue. In context and as rational ARMY you know it was just Jimin playing around with JK as they usually do, things we’ve also seen other members do in similar (though not quite like this) fashion, and after eight years since debut and nine of knowing each other, this isn’t shocking or new in any way. No, the issue were Xkookers and the way they treated this moment, some even going as far as taking screenshots and editing them to make it seem like they were about to kiss, as in they changed the placements of their heads to fit their narrative, as well as others making gifs where they play the moment backwards (leaving out the part where JK leans his head away and to the side) and thus they created their own version of the moment which was different from what had actually happened.

That is my biggest issue with this whole thing. The blatant manipulation of moments to create narratives that don’t match reality, twisting them and using them in stupid pointless fights. But imagine vminnies were to do any of that, all hell would break loose and we’d be attacked without mercy because how dare, and yet they don’t follow their own “logic” and “rules”. It’s more than okay to find any and all moments cute, we all do, to make jokes and whatnot, but twisting context, manipulating it and basically creating your own version of it goes too far.

Take what we are given as what it is, instead of what you want it to be.

So, now that that’s done, please fellow vminnies and ARMYs, don’t be insecure or let people ruin your mood and fun over it. It’s not worth it. Instead let’s check out and have a talk about some of the fun vmin and OT7 moments we got, along with other ones, including my reply to another anon when it comes to namjin. Of course what I will mention in the post (HERE) is basically just the tip of the iceberg since tumblr has a limit on pictures and everything, so just know there is so much more still left to see than just that.

Before I’ll go, for those who still feel a little insecure/doubtful/whatever else, while I was working on this post and the other one, another anon sent in this well timed vmin ask:

From anon: I have to say this as a Vmin supporter. Whatever is going on with Vmin we can rest assure what they is special/untouchable. They graduated HS & college together, going for Bachelors together. Jimin-ah I like you the most. I want to live with my lovely Taehyung for the rest if my life. Their future is together, friends/soulmates or more they said it. I won’t tear down other members closeness (good for them) their bonds don’t erase Vmins. I’m just happy with the moments Vmin allow us to see.

#answered ask

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dangermousie · 3 years

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2020 End of Year Post - cdrama edition

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2020; if I had to make a post about all the cdramas I watched this year, I would still be doing it in three months...

Overall it’s been a fairly decent cdrama year (certainly better than the very lacklustre kdrama year.) It’s no miracle that 2019 was (so many excellent dramas!) but overall pretty solid.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

44 The Legend of Jing Yan - the worst cdrama I have seen this year, and possibly the worst drama of 2020, period. The hero and heroine were both uncharismatic, incapable of acting and saddled with such shrilly moronic characters, the only suspense was how they haven’t both perished long since from forgetting to breathe. Nor was anyone in the rest of the cast much better; the screenplay was written by a lower mammal and the cinematography was the best a third-rate wedding cinematographer could offer. Stay the HELL away from this one.

43 Unicorn Girl - the only unicorn about this bland yet irritating piece of pap was the fact that I was supposed to believe the leads are hockey players.

42 Autumn Cicada - I like spy stories, Allen Ren, and Republican Era settings. I can tune out Communist propaganda with the best of them. Yet, the propaganda ate the story to such a degree that there was nothing left; pre magic change Pinocchio was less wooden then this narrative.

41 You Complete Me - no you do not.

40 Skate into Love - the only positive thing I can say about this is that at least it’s better than Unicorn Girl, if for no other reason that only one of them is supposed to be a hockey player.

39 Irreplaceable Love - how do you make a story about fake siblings with a mad mother falling for each other boring? I don’t know, ask the makers of this.

38 Eternal Love Rain - I hate to rain on their parade, but these two actors cannot act, have about as much chemistry as a piece of bread, and are trapped in a story perfect for entertaining the mental abilities of the leads of Jin Yan.

37 For Married Doctoress - ummmm, you could do worse I guess. It only made me break out in mild hives. The sadistic ending did make me laugh though.

36 Dance of the Sky Empire - why you get Xu Kai and waste him in this insipid mess of a story is beyond me.

35 Love Designer - it’s inoffensive except to my sense of entertainment. There is nothing wrong with it but oh God is it bland.

34 Love a Lifetime - It felt like a lifetime watching this, but I didn’t love it. The story is incoherent, the actors have no chemistry and it’s all an epic waste of time.

33 Love is Sweet - so sweet it gave me diabetes. I like Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu, but there is literally no plot. I don’t need to sink into a plotless morass to watch pretty people engage in PG-rated make-outs. I am an adult with access to stronger stuff if I am thus inclined, though to be fair they could get x-rated and I still wouldn’t be able to sit through so many episodes of plotlessness for that.

32 Fake Princess - I love Zhao Yi Qin, but the guy needs to pick better projects. The female lead in this one has the voice and personality that can strip paint but the story is also doing nobody any favors.

31 The Changan Youth - I lost my brain checking this out. I had to go and read a dense treatise on medieval coinage or Mayan farming to try to recover it.

30 My Dear Destiny - kinda cheesy fun. It honestly shouldn’t be as low except it really feels like community theater.

29 Handsome Siblings - why is the Nic Tse version so good and this one so bad? True mystery for the ages. Chen Zhe Yuan is the sole reason this isn’t lower, because that kid tries SO HARD to make this drama bearable and almost succeeds. I can’t wait to see him in Sha Po Lang which actually will give him something to do.

28 In a Class of Her Own - see my comment on The Changan Youth. But at least Song Weilong is gorgeous to look at.

27 General’s Lady - inoffensive, pretty and so utterly pointless.

26 The Blooms at Ruyi Pavilion - those two leading actors are a no go to me but at least they considerately acted with each other instead of ruining two dramas for me. It’s very pretty though.

25 Jiu Liu Overlord - it’s a mess and I bailed, but I placed it this high merely due to the fact that Lai Yi finally gets a leading role and he’s sexy as fuck and I am shallow. Whoever styled Bai Lu should never work again except at a circus, however.

24 Cross Fire - not my genre and Luhan will always look too much like my cousin for comfort, but it’s a surprisingly gripping and dark drama. I liked it!

23 God of Lost Fantasy - if you want to watch a mediocre wuxia/xianxia, this is not a bad choice. Probably better than Legend of Fei actually, because at least it doesn’t have an A-list cast to waste and gives us Sheng Yilun himbo and shirtless.

22 Renascence - the insane cuts (it went from 70 eps to 36!!!) made a fairly cheesy story into a total mess. But I had a good time until I finally bailed mainly because of the male lead (Chen Zhe Yuan yet again carrying a not-good 2020 drama on his shoulders; the guy should be nicknamed Atlas) and the insane but in a fun way story. The female lead (both the character and the actress) were not up to par but oh well.

21 Legend of Fei - only this high because objectively there is nothing I disliked it. But there is nothing I liked either. The most uninspired drama on the list. If you could eat cardboard, this is what it would taste like.

20 Ever Night 2 - compared to EN1, it’s a waste of film. On its own merits, it’s not very good (the cast replacements are uniformly inferior and Dylan Wang is so wrong for Ning Que I cannot even put it into words; the script is useless.) But it had some parts I loved so very VERY much (all the shippy stuff was perfection) so I don’t feel too bitter.

19 Castle in the Sky 2 - a lovely if not too complex fairy tale. It is inferior to its prequel because it doesn’t have Zhang Ruo Yun who elevated it, but it’s still a solid bit of fun.

18 The Great Ruler - it’s very high fantasy, very pretty, and surprisingly involving.

17 (tie) Legend of Two Sisters in the Chaos - the secondary couple steals the show but the rest is not too bad if not too involving.

17 Legend of Awakening - a solid bit of fun with a seriously BDSM streak (theme this year apparently - but come on, the lead’s powers only activate when he’s in extreme pain!) It’s a bit generic and the costuming is done by a blind person, not to mention the OTP is a NOTP, but the rest of relationships (romantic and platonic) are wonderful (I live for the found siblings story in this one) and I like most of the characters.

16 Consummation - a rare modern cdrama I liked; a sweet coming of age story (and love story) even if wrapped in a pretty weird virtual reality concept.

15 Oops the King is in Love - this is how you do a low budget, sweet, silly piece of fluff. Our heroine pretends to be a eunuch and crosses paths with a powerless young king and they are adorable, even more so than the drama.

14 Song of Glory - pretty solid, though draggy and I didn’t love the toothpaste filter. But A+ cast, excellent leading couple chemistry, Li Qin being a BAMF and a leading man (Qin Hao) who is actually an adult.

13 And the Winner is love - objectively kind of a mess (and the heroine has the brainpower of a gnat), but the OTP chemistry is excellent and Luo Yunxi fighting and flirting with a fan as finally a leading man is worth the price of admission.

12 Miss S - snazzy and snappy and stylish and whatever else starts with S.

11 Eternal Love of Dream - I don’t know if it would work for you as well if you weren’t a hardcore shipper for this OTP in Three Lives but I was and this was such a darling, wonderful, shippy delight; plus I love this type of high fantasy.

10 (tie) Maiden Holmes - solid and sweet and a wonderful OTP. Proves that functional doesn’t have to mean boring. If you watch one cross-dressing drama this year make it this one.

10 Qin Dynasty Epic - srs bsns history epic. I am not far into it but it’s so good and smart and visually stunning (if you love battles, this one is for you.)

9 Love Lasts Two Minds - I adored this so much more than I should objectively have, but it’s so beautiful (and no I am not just referring to Alan Yu’s face) and the OTP has wonderful chemistry and the story is solid, and the whole trope of her memory being wiped but falling for him all over again while he’s constantly and utterly devoted is a fave; plus he’s in pain and semi-dyng for most of it so sluuuurp (happy ending, don’t worry)

8 To Love - yes, a modern drama is this high! But it involves intensity, tragedy, genuine adults and sexiness that is Lin Gengxin. And there is an actual plot and darkness OMG!

7 Legend of Xiao Chuo - so beautiful, so fun, so full of gorgeousness of Shawn Dou. Plus, Liao is a rare setting for a cdrama and there are a lot of characters and stories I liked a LOT. Less ship content than I wanted but more than I expected.

6 The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so so delightful. I was literally laughing out loud. I have no idea if it will work as well if one isn’t a seasoned watcher of period cdrama/reader of web novels, with bonus for watching/reading Goodbye My Princess, but it was a complete delight for me (and yes, I shipped for real, as well. Best of both worlds.)

5 Twisted Fate of Love - Jin Han gets a leading period drama role! And he’s enjoying it to the hilt, excellent as a smart, twisty bastard who is also charming and so madly in love with heroine. Sun Yi is beautiful and tough and her chemistry with JH is on fire, the story never drags, and it’s so twisty and fun and just awesome.

4 Love In Between - the most underrated drama on this list. It has no big names or big budget, but it’s wuxia that’s clever, driven, tragic, hopeful and so beautifully shot. Three separate (amazing) OTPs, a leading man who is so not typical (a doctor who cannot fight and who never acquires this ability) and who is intense and smart and damaged, a heroine who puts her quest ahead of her emotions, an unhealthy degree of involvement by yours truly. This is a drama Fei should have been.

3 Love and Redemption - such a lovely, addictive, utterly romantic fairy tale. I was obsessed with it for a reason. All the tropes you love and some you didn’t know you did, a star-crossed OTP to the nth power (and a secondary OTP I hardcore love), a twisty yet coherent plot, some insane chemistry and so much whump and hurt/comfort they must have bought blood packets in bulk.

2 Go Ahead - yes, I can’t believe it either. A contemporary slice of life cdrama made it this high on my list. But the way it feels so real, the found family perfection, the characters I love and loathe, the perfect cherry of a wonderful OTP that hits my narrative kinks on top, and just a perfect storm of loveliness all around with this one.

1 The Wolf - is that any surprise to anyone who’s checked out this tumblr for the last couple of months? Tragic, intense and gorgeous; so romantic and angsty and passionate it made me lose my mind (though some of it was gone the moment the camera panned to Darren Wang) - all my favorite tropes and then some; this is a drama that may not be perfect but it is 100% and then beyond perfect for ME.

FAVORITE DRAMA

The Wolf - I have seen objectively better cdramas; even this year. But it has been literal years since I have been this hardcore obsessed, this utterly pleased, this emotionally catered to and devastated at once. A beautiful dark fairy tale that manages to own me despite the storytelling gaps due to censorship, it took me for one of the biggest emotional roller coaster rides of my drama watching career. Visually gorgeous, poetic, intense, and so romantic it took my breath away, this is not just my favorite cdrama of 2020, it’s my favorite drama this year period, and the one cdrama this year to make it into my permanent Top 10 cdramas list.

WORST DRAMA

Legend of Jin Yan - see my write up for it for why as I refuse to waste more time on this stupid mess.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Wolfie, The Wolf - he is such a haunted, tormented, complex, dark mess; loving and violent, severely damaged and with a hidden yearning softness, longing and aloof. And the amount of charisma and sheer masculine sex appeal Darren Wang brings to the role is insane and not something I see much of in a cdrama. Plus, that character arc with its rapid fall and slow painful redemption is A++++

Runner Up: Sifeng, Love and Redemption - has a male lead ever loved more utterly and selflessly, suffered more thoroughly and beautifully, and managed to have such chemistry with both his leading lady and his leading man (that his leading lady temporarily turned into) at once? The answer is no.

Almost made the cut - Feng Xi, Twisted Fate of Love, Han Shuo, The Romance of Tiger and Rose, Qing Ci, Love in Between.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Xiao Qian, The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so funny, so much the reason this drama was such a delight. I adore her beyond words.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Murder Daddy, The Wolf - I am sad the censors robbed us of seeing him die on screen. He was fully human but nonetheless managed to be the worst monster in a drama full of literal ones.

Ling Xiao’s Mom, Go Ahead - I hate her so much I don’t want to look up her name. She abused the kid, the disappeared and came back to abuse him some more. I mean she literally gave her child mental health issues. She is the WORST.

FAVORITE SHIP

Xing’er x Wolfie, The Wolf - are you kidding me? Who else could it ever be for me? They destroyed each other and saved each other, sworn enemies and childhood lovers, soulmates and epic messes, they couldn’t live with or without each other. The longing, the passion, the intensity, the angst, the epicness. LIKE THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!!

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Si Yuan, Shen Manqing, Love in Between - I loved them as much and often more than the main OTP. So much angst and passion and a happy ending! She is a seeming sect darling (except the sect is horrible and also sexist so her only worth is as a marriage candidate) and he’s an information broker who is actually one of the members of a destroyed sect that’s blamed for the massacre of her family. That chemistry and yearning is insane. The scene where she touches his face when he’s unconscious was in serious running for my favorite scene of 2020.

NOTP

Legend of Awakening - I have never seen a couple that didn’t just have no chemistry but exhibited actual revulsion towards each other before watching Chen Feiyu and Cheng Xiao try to act as lovers in this one. It was almost entertaining to be honest.

FAVORITE SCENE

It’s a tie and both are from The Wolf. One is a sequence where Wolfie marches to the walls alone, seeking death at Xing’er’s hands and the whole sequence with the battle and rescue follows. The other is the intercut between Xing’er going to her wedding and Wolfie going to his execution, and the auto-da-fe being intercut with her wedding.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Wolfie, The Wolf - Ummm have you seen this tumblr lately, it’s basically a drool shrine to the man.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Yelü Yansage, The Legend of Xiao Chuo - I have loved this actor since The Myth and he continued to competently steal every scene he was in.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

To Love - come out of the coma, dammit!!!!!!!

NEEDS A DIRECTOR’S CUT

The Wolf - duh. It started out as 59 eps and got cut to 49. I reaiize some stuff is never gonna get put in due to censorship, but some of the stuff that got cut got for time reasons because they were deluded and hoping to get a TV broadcast so ep count had to be under 50. I mean I doubt the censors would care if they kept scenes of Wolfie building her a swing or whatever. I really really want a director’s cut the way Goodbye My Princess did even if like with GMP it’s only three extra eps. Hell, I will take extra three minutes, as long as those three minutes are Darren Wang shirtless or with a sword. Ahem.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

The Song of Glory - it’s a fairly solid drama but honestly it didn’t need to be as long as it was and kind of got draggy and I got lost interest. (I could have gotten snarky and said all the dramas I didn’t like needed scissors taken to them in their entirety but decided to play nice.)

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

There are a number of dramas I could complain about with regard to this (hi there, darling The Wolf!) but this award goes to Renascence - poor Renascence was never going to be a masterpiece, but it had the potential to be a bit of good cheesy fun until it had its run time cut by more than half and became an incoherent piece of insanity.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Dumb shrill innocent heroine who can’t tie her shoes - see basically all the cdramas I didn’t like this year.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Male lead torture - I mean it’s always open season on that in cdramas, but between Love and Redemption, The Wolf, Love Lasts Two Minds, Love in Between and so on, it was a banner year!

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Legend of Fei - what a waste of that cast; what a waste of our finite time on this Earth. What a waste of my intelligence to hope for something better and stick with it for a dozen eps. I have had stale wonderbread that had more personality than this drama.There is absolutely nothing that stands out about this drama in any way, from half-dimensional characters, to actors who are sleepwalking, to a plot that moves at the speed of an arthritic snail, to uninspired cinematography and direction, to lack of any chemistry between anyone in the cast. If paint-by-numbers was done by a group of particularly linear robots, it might come across the same way as this drama.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

The Wolf - honestly, I did not expect it to come out AT ALL EVER let alone to become my favorite drama of 2020. I was not familiar with the leading man (hahah), I liked Li Qin but wasn’t yet obsessed with her, and Xiao Zhan was excellent in The Untamed but I was hardly going to follow him from drama to drama (and I don’t do SLS any way.) And the trailer was enjoyable but unlike seemingly everyone, I didn’t think it was going to be some epic masterpiece. And then it came out and while it wasn’t objectively an epic masterpiece, it pulled out all the favorite tropes, shippy and narrative kinks from the deepest darkest recesses of my id. And I fell harder than I have in years.

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

Novoland Eagle Flag and Joy of Life - they are in my Top 10 dramas from anywhere now. They are quite different except being smart and giving me protagonists to obsess over.

ETA: Also The Untamed because @idlewilds3 pointed out I actually watched it in 2020 even though I didn’t think so because this hellyear has lasted about three decades.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

I am gonna limit it to dozen and leaving out ones that aren’t necesarily supposed to air next year (Joy of Life 2, Love in Flames of War, Novoland Princess from Plateau.)

Monarch Industry, Novoland Pearl Eclipse, Silk Washing Stream, Dream of Changan, Sword Snow Stride, Wu Xing Shi Jia, Ancient Love Poetry, Immortality, The Long Ballad, Mirror Twin Cities, The Imperial Age, Fall In Love

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tsunonotarou · 4 years

Text

Being Childhood Friends to Lovers with...

notes — Bro I fucking THIRST for this man he can rip me open

— Also I think I’m gonna start this series called “Being Childhood Friends to Lovers with...” because childhood friends to lovers shit is my kind of shit

— We’re debuting this series with Leona 🥳

BEING CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS WITH...

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

— AS A CHILD

He cherishes you a lot even though he might not show it

You’re the first ever person who acknowledges him, first ever person who approached him first and talked to the second son

He thought you were strange at first, because why would you talk to a mere second born when the first is right here with you? So he distances himself and avoided you at first, thinking you have ulterior motives

You got the signs and didn’t pester him after that—which he is glad for—but he find himself secretly looking at you or purposely look for you in the castle whenever you come visit (let’s say you’re a royalty too and your parents’ are good friends)

It was when he saw you sulking and pouting by yourself, he felt bad and maybe, you just wanted to be friends

The servants always prepared your favorite sweets when you come visit but you didn’t want any after realizing that he’s ignoring you

So he took some, went to look for you and threw them at you

“H-Huh?—“ you got startled and quickly looked up, seeing his neutral expression on and looking down on you

“So, your parents bought you that whatever thing you want, and then what?”

The way he remembers your one-sided conversation with him before honestly made you tear up, you didn’t think he was listening

From then on, you were also excited to visit the king’s castle because you get to see him, and you made sure to bring various of things over for him and you to play

There was one time he accidentally overheard some servants of yours “advising” you to stop hanging around with Leona Kingscholar, saying how he isn’t worth your time and shouldn’t be influenced by him

Though he was sure of your loyalty and friendship with him, he still has his doubts, maybe, you secretly dislike him too

He waited for your response, your silence only made him more anxious as time pass by

“...Hey.” He bit the inside of his cheek, awaiting for your answer

“I’m gonna ask my parents to fire you all.”

His eyes were wide as ever, and so were the servants’

“B-But please, Princess/Prince Y/N-“

“I will not tolerate anyone who badmouths my friend, moreover, who do you guys think you are? Telling me who I should be friends with now?”

As much as Leona tries to stop it, his eyes watered, lips quivering at your words

He never told you how he eavesdropped your conversation with those servants, because eventually it’ll lead to how he reacted, and he’s never going to tell you he almost cried

He taught you how to roar once, got super red when he himself haven’t even mastered it yet

Glares at your form rolling on the floor laughing

— AS TEENAGERS

He is two years older than you, so he got enrolled into Night Raven College first, during the times he was at the dorm you were bored to death

One of the main reasons (probably the only reason) why he’d go back home during breaks is because of you, he could care less about the grand welcome back party—which he was sure the servants were forced to put up—and the fake smiles from relatives, but he had to see you

Is always prepared for the uncalled tackle hug from you but somehow you always manage to knock him off balance, causing the two of you to fall down onto the sandy ground

You rambled and rambled, he listened but solely focused on how your features changed, you definitely grew up, got more attractive, too

Oh fuck

He mentally cursed when he finally realizes how his heart is beating in an unusual pace, feeling his cheeks warm up and how he felt like melting right there and then

Buried his feelings deep down because of his insecurities and acted as normal as he could with you after

You have never seen him panicked so much, got so angry and frustrated before, it happened once, when the topic of arranging a marriage for you and his older brother, Farena, was mentioned

He strongly opposes the idea but reminding him that he is only a second son, hence have no say in this matter was enough to shut him down

You tried to go after Leona who stormed to his room but decided you have more important matters at hand, matters that you need to clarify first

Politely declining the marriage and telling how Farena is a good person, but you have eyes for someone else

Everyone in the room (which consisted of both your parents and Farena) knew who you were talking about, and they were shocked, to say the least

You can clearly see the discomfort in yours and his’ parents faces, but you also can clearly see Farena’s secret wink towards you, telling you he approves

You and Farena never had any romantic feelings for each other anyway, and he was always teasing about you and Leona when you two were little

Knocking on Leona’s room softly then creaking it open, you peek your head inside to see him lying on the bed on his side with his back facing you

“Leona.”

“Leona?”

“Leooona.”

“Leeeeeeonaaaaaa.”

“LEONA WAKE THE FUCK UP.”

“FUCK-“

He winces and jolted up after you slapped his arm

Snaps and growls at you, rubbing the spot where you attacked earlier

He was all grumpy and upset until you tell him you rejected the marriage

Stares at you for a good ten seconds before sighing, slowly resting his forehead on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around you

You two have had naps together, held hands when you were little but have never been this physically close after you two grew up, you two are the best of friends but there are boundaries as friends, so this was new to you, naturally, your cheeks bursted in all shades of red

“I’m glad...” you can hear him mumble, placing a hand on his soft hair and patting it before give it a stroke, calming him down

— AS STUDENTS IN NIGHT RAVEN COLLEGE

You teases him so fucking much about being a dorm leader, like- how??? He’s just so lazy and unmotivated to do anything that you’re impressed

Surprisingly takes very good care of you both as a friend and a senior, it was surprising for the Savanaclaw dorm members to see Leona actually giving fucks about someone, a freshman no less, so they got interested in you very quickly

Which resulted in Leona scaring them away because they’re too close for his liking

He always suggests you to take naps and laze around with him though, so it’s no good since you have to get good grades

You’re the one who’s always dragging him to classes (if you’re lucky to get him to move)

You two never bothered to tell anyone that you’re childhood friends, it didn’t seem to have the need to

So everyone thought you two were dating because of how close you are 💀

Definitely got jealous at how you made new friends

He doesn’t mind if you have new friends, it’s natural, it’s only concerning if you don’t have any

But if you’re spending more time with them than with him? Best know that he’d trap you in his room and never let you go out

This won’t stop until you figure out why he’s like this and promise him he’ll stay as number one in your friendship list

You really shouldn’t be but you’re still laughing at how he’s repeating school years to this day

But you’re also kind of glad that he’s still here with you, it’d be boring if he weren’t

Plus, Leona wouldn’t leave you here alone anyway, there’s too many people he can’t trust and he just generally don’t wanna leave you alone

The confession was surprisingly normal and quick, no stutters or nervous twiddles of fingers from him

He kinda just, got tired of you being so physically close and attached to everyone else that he want to call you his and his only

He’s the type that’d suddenly pin you down on his bed while you’re talking about what you and your other friends did that day

Enjoys the deep blush and lip quiver on you as he finally confesses his feelings for you, leaning down onto your ear and whisper huskily about-

His arms quickly wrapped around his stomach and coughs as your strong kick jerked him back, he ended up kneeling on his bed, hunched over as he groans

He thought he invaded your privacy and made you uncomfortable so he quickly look up to check up on you, afraid of the terrified and disgusted look on your face, but what greeted him was a hot, hot face as you refuse to look him in the eye

He stared, and stared, a small blush slowly coming up to his own cheeks before a pillow was thrown at his face

Seeing you so flustered reminded him of the past few days when he debated with himself whether he should go for it or not, he might seem smug for now, but before this cocky smirk appeared he was a nervous wreck

So the two of you kinda just stayed like that in his room, freezing on your spot with dead silence

“A-At least give me an answer...damn it.” A miracle that he stuttered

He watches as you fiddled with your finger, looking down with mumbles he couldn’t make words out from

“I...I like you too.”

This is so lame, you two are like middle school kids confessing your love for each other and yet, those simple words made his heart flip like crazy

Now that he’s confirmed your answer, prepare for a wild but sweet kiss from him

— AS LOVERS

It was a little bumpy at first, mostly from you though, because you’re just so used to being “just friends” with him that you don’t know how to act as his lover

He didn’t change much, maybe a little bit sweeter and considerate than before but he’s just the old Leona you know, which you’re glad for, you didn’t want him to change

He’s more protective now since you’re finally his, and he made sure to let everyone know that

Doesn’t really have a say on PDA, he’s fine with or without it, but he would definitely shove his tongue into your mouth right on the spot if someone even dare to look at you in the wrong way

Really likes wrapping an arm around your waist and put his whole weight on you because he’s lazy and tired of walking

Will actually fall on you when you’re in the botanical garden so that you couldn’t get up and is forced to take a nap with him

Play with his hair!! He loves it to death, though he might grumble and say he doesn’t, we all know he’s lying

You have to reassure him that he’ll always be your number one, he’s already suffered enough, if you end up leaving him he doesn’t know how to cope with it

Cuddles, cuddles and cuddles 24/7, he will not let you go

He sometimes just stares at you as you talk or do your own thing and think about how lucky he is to have you, it might not seem possible but literal hearts appeared in his eyes

If you ever catch him staring at you and tease him for it he’ll growl and pounce on you, how dare you make fun of your king like that? Prepare for a punishment my friend ;)

#leona kingscholar #twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar x reader #leona x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst x reader #leona twisted wonderland x reader #leona kingscholar twisted wonderland x reader

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depressing-debbie · 3 years

Note

Fluff alphabet for eren please!! I love your writing :)

Thank you!! I haven't written for Eren very much, but I'll do my best!! <3

Post time skip!!

As always, I'm using the prompt by @snk-warriors

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

His favorite activity would probably be late night driving, either blasting music or just enjoying the quiet. For special occasions, he’d get reservations at a nice restaurant or maybe set up a fancy candlelit dinner himself (as long as he didn’t make the food). In general, he really just wants to be around his SO.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

I think he first noticed his SO’s eyes, and more particularly, the emotion and spirit in them. He loves watching when they’re passionate and their eyes light up, he thinks it’s absolutely stunning. He just loves the fire in their personality.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He would be a bit uncomfortable or at least unsure at first, but we all know he has his fair share of experience with this himself. So, he would really just wrap them up in his arms and sit with them silently, his way of protecting them. Once they were calmed down a bit, he would ask if they want to talk about it or just keep sitting together, and he’d be happy to do either if it means not having to see them upset.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He doesn’t really have any plans for the future. He knows that he can’t make any guarantees about what’s going to happen, and it scares him a bit to think about making plans that he can’t fulfill. When he thinks about the future, all he really sees is him and his SO together, whatever that means, and it’s enough to make him happy.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

For the most part, he’d be somewhat dominant in the relationship, wanting to protect his SO. But there are also times where he just needs to go with the flow, be held and reminded that everything will be alright. So in that way, it’s somewhat equal.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He has a bit of a temper, but not in any way that really matters. They probably bicker sometimes about small things, but he doesn’t really hold grudges, and he’d never instigate a fight about something important.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He’s incredibly grateful for his SO and everything they’ve done for him. He knows he’s lucky to be with them, and he reminds them constantly of how lucky he is and how much he appreciates them.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

I’m honestly not sure. He wants to be completely honest with them, absolutely, but he has trouble being totally vulnerable like that. He would never keep secrets that could genuinely hurt their relationship, but he’s also probably not completely honest about some of his past and his experiences. Maybe over time he would feel comfortable enough to share it with his SO, but he might just not want to talk about it.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

His SO absolutely inspired him. He’s a bit of a pessimist by nature, and being with them, he slowly starts to let himself see the good in everything, and maybe even have hope for the future. Knowing that he has someone supporting him, and that he was lucky enough to find someone so amazing, helps him to become just a bit more optimistic.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He does get jealous sometimes, to be honest. He knows how amazing his SO is, and it makes him uncomfortable to watch other guys notice it as well. He only steps in if they look uncomfortable, at which point he will literally scare the other person away. He trusts his SO, so he would never get mad at them or start to doubt them.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Eren likes to live in the moment, and their first kiss reflected that. He probably thought about it for a little while leading up, but he didn’t have any kind of solid plans. He just looked over that them one day and thought about how stunning they are, and decided that it was the right moment. He absolutely asked if he could kiss them, and didn’t lean in until they agreed. It was small, but passionate and loving. He’s a great kisser, and it becomes a very regular thing in their relationship.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He shows his appreciation for them constantly, but actually saying the words “I love you” would be really hard for him at first. He waits a bit longer than most people would, but that just means that when he does say it, they know he means it, one hundred percent. He probably wasn’t planning to say it when he did, it just made sense in the moment.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

The idea of marriage scares him a bit, to be honest. He’s absolutely committed to his SO, but he’s afraid of getting married without having any idea what’s going to happen in his future. In the end, though, especially if his SO wants to, he would absolutely want to get married. He’d plan a very romantic proposal with roses, maybe even somewhere more public if he thinks his SO would be comfortable with it. There probably wouldn’t be much of a change in their relationship after getting married, but he would secretly enjoy the added little domestic dynamic of getting to call each other a spouse.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

He definitely calls them babe or sweetheart, maybe even “love” when he’s feeling particularly romantic. He also definitely has a joke nickname that he teases them with.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It’s not actually very obvious when he’s starting to fall in love. He’s always affectionate with his SO, so they probably won’t notice much of a difference. And the other people around him definitely can’t tell because he would never talk about it. His SO is only going to find out when he decides it’s the right time to actually express his feelings.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He’s pretty upfront about it, and he loves getting to introduce his SO to his friends. And he’s not obnoxious about PDA, but a general low level of affection in public doesn’t bother him at all.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

He has a really sarcastic sense of humor, and it might even seem a little bit rude to other people, but his SO thinks it’s hilarious. They know he’s never serious, so the two of them go back and forth with witty comebacks and teasing jokes.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s very romantic, and I think it’s pretty equal between cliche and creative, but definitely leaning more towards cliche. He’s definitely a roses and candlelit dinner kind of guy, but he also just wants to make his SO happy, so he’d be more than willing to come up with something super creative to make them smile.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He will support his SO through absolutely anything. He doesn’t want to lie to them when they ask for his honest opinion, but he really does believe in them completely. He’s cheering them on no matter what, and he knows they’re going to succeed because they’re amazing.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He probably does want to spice things up a lot. They probably have some basic level of routine, but he gets pretty bored when he falls into a very specific set routine with his life, so he loves trying new things. He especially loves that he gets to try new things with his SO, because that’s just one more way that their life experiences intertwine.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He knows his SO completely, and he empathizes really deeply. He doesn’t always understand what’s happening in their brain, he’s not a mind reader, but he can usually tell how they’re feeling, and he knows how he can cheer them up.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

His relationship is really important to him. Once they reach a certain point in their relationship, he’s committed, one hundred percent. He allows himself to lean on them and depend on them being there. Losing them would be really hard for him.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He secretly loves taking pictures with his SO. If they tell him they want to take a picture, he’ll roll his eyes and tease them for being so caught up with social media, but it actually makes him happy. He likes having little memories together that he can physically keep with him and look back on later.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He’s very affectionate. It’s pretty 50/50 on whether he would initiate cuddling or not, but he definitely enjoys it. He loves being physically close to his SO, and getting to put his arms around them to make them feel safe.

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

He’s really not a yearning type. He definitely misses them when they’re gone, but they’re both pretty busy in general, so it’s not out of the ordinary. He would want to check up on them while they’re gone, but otherwise, he’s just happy to give them a big hug when they get back and listen to all of their stories.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He is absolutely willing to do whatever it takes to keep their relationship strong and healthy. His priority is that his SO is happy, whatever that means.

#attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan #aot headcanons #aot #shingeki no kyojin headcanons #shingeki no kyojin #snk headcanons #snk #Eren Jaeger #eren yeager #snk eren #eren x reader #eren fluff #boyfriend eren #fluff alphabet

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amarimaryllis · 3 years

Text

All The World Drops Dead (Oikawa x Reader)

Pairing: Oikawa/Reader, Slight!Iwaizumi/Reader (like very slight, microscopic kinda slight, almost as if it’s not there unless you read between the lines because it’s not explicitly stated kinda slight) Prompt/Summary: Loving Oikawa Tooru was a dream and maybe it was time to wake up. Alternatively, Oikawa leaves you behind to chase his dreams. Tags: Angst, Fluff Note: I used she/her pronouns for the reader, Bold Italicized sentences are excerpts from the poem “Mad Girl’s Love Song” by Sylvia Plath Warnings: Swearing, Crying (like, a lot), Kinda long (5.7k words), Haikyuu Timeskip Spoilers

Part of A Sensitivity to Ephemera

Loving Oikawa Tooru was a dream. It was hard-earned. Years of pining and pursuing took place before he ever even saw you in a romantic light. Three years in junior high school and an additional two years in high school. It was hard, but in the end, it was all worth it.

On the journey to what seemingly looked like forever, the name L/N Y/N had been associated with many titles.

Dedicated.

Lovesick.

Brave.

And on occasion, heard in the hushed whispers that echoed through the halls of Aoba Johsai, desperate.

Some part of you gloated once you had proved them all wrong at the end of your second year. It was a quick confession filled with mumbled words and hasty movements. You couldn’t even look the setter straight in the eyes as you mumbled a small “I’ve been in love with you since junior high, and I just needed to get it off my chest since we’ve been friends for a long time, and I felt guilty keeping it a secret from you.”

Impressively, you were able to say all of that in a single breath.

“I know.”

A single breath taken away from you the moment Oikawa Tooru cupped your cheeks and pressed the softest of kisses against your lips.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;

In that moment, as you lose yourself in the kiss of a boy you had once considered a distant dream, the world stops and there is nothing left but the warmth of his hands against your skin.

I lift my lids and all is born again.

Suddenly the world was back in motion as Oikawa pulled away from the kiss. Your eyes flutter open and before you, you see chocolate eyes and a charming smile.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N-chan?”

You’re pulled from your thoughts at the sound of Oikawa’s voice. You were brought to the present. Oikawa hugging you from behind as you sit between his legs, an alien movie of sorts playing on your laptop placed on the bed (You didn’t bother checking the title since it was Oikawa’s turn to choose anyway).

“Have the aliens taken my adorable girlfriend and replaced her with a clone?” You can practically see the pout on his face from his tone alone as he wraps his arms tighter around your waist.

Your face warms but you don’t fold as you answer in your most deadpan tone. “I can only wish.”

“How mean.” Oikawa rolls his eyes, but amusement is clearly written on his face. “Iwa-chan is rubbing off on you.”

“Probably cause I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known you.” You answered casually. “Although I’ll admit it’s probably cause I’ve been seeing him more than I’ve been seeing you.”

You were not meant to say that.

You did not mean to say that (out loud, at least).

Especially not with that bitter undertone laced in your words.

“Oh?” You can practically hear the smirk in Oikawa’s voice as he digs his fingers lightly into your sides. “Replacing me with Iwa-chan already? How mean~”

One part of you was thankful that Oikawa chose not to unpack the issue of his recent absences since you weren’t really ready to lay your feelings out in the open yet. However, another part of you realizes that you just dug your own grave, and Oikawa Tooru was probably going to be a little shit about what you just said.

“Maybe you need me to remind you who your boyfriend is?” Oikawa’s lips brush against the shell of your ear and you could feel the tiniest of shivers diffuse throughout your body.

He presses a kiss behind your ear. Your face warms. He follows the previous action with a tender kiss on your neck. You nearly combust.

But of course, for the sake of what’s left of your dignity, you bite back. “Maybe I do.”

You can feel Oikawa grin against your neck, as if he expected nothing less. “Perfect.”

Oikawa turns you around so that you’re straddling him, legs thrown over on both sides as you sit on his lap. He grabs you by your wrists and leads you to wrap your arms around his neck before his hands eventually find purchase on your hips.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed

And with that, he’s kissing you. It was almost as if he was trying to chase away any thoughts of Iwaizumi from your head with the way he was moving his lips against yours. Oikawa knew that he didn’t have to worry, but he can’t help it. He’d take any opportunity to kiss his girlfriend senseless.

And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.

Oikawa brings his hand to your nape, pulling you closer, deeper into the kiss, deeper into the dream created by the motion of his lips. There’s a desperation in his actions as if he was trying to make up for something.

And in that moment, you understood. This was his temporary apology. The way his hands trailed from your neck down your arms before it settled on your hips was his way of placating any possible hostility you may hold against him for his recent absence.

You didn’t really mind. You understood that he was busy, but you had the right to miss your boyfriend every now and then. The only thing you could do now was to take as much as you could of Oikawa Tooru before he’s once again pulled back to the whirlwind that is called his life.

Oikawa pulls away for a second before he’s back to pressing kisses on any expanse of skin that he can lay his lip upon without moving from the position you were both in. You were both so lost in your makeout-session--excuse the lack of a better term--that you weren’t able to hear the text notifications from Oikawa’s phone until someone was actually calling him.

“Babe, your phone’s ringing.” You managed to pull away from Oikawa to inform him, but he’s relentless, ignoring what you just said and the phone in favor of trailing kisses up and down your neck.

“Babe--”

Oikawa pulls away for a second. “Ignore it, they’ll probably give up soon.”

You roll your eyes and go back to kissing your boyfriend. You guys were getting back to the groove of things until it was once again interrupted by the ringing of Oikawa’s phone.

A groan of frustration leaves Oikawa’s throat at the disturbance, and you attempt to hold in your amusement at the irritated look he had on his face as he reached to the side and answered the phone.

“What?” You nearly snorted at how frustrated Oikawa sounded.

However, as the other person answered, that look of frustration was replaced with a softer gaze which made you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. The stream of confusion only grew when Oikawa patted your thighs, an unspoken request for you to get off him.

“Oh Yuki-chan, what’s up?” A smile was on Oikawa’s face.

The stream of confusion had slowly turned into a murky ocean of several emotions that you had not encountered in a while.

Uncertainty.

Insecurity.

Fear.

You knew only one Yuki, and that was Fujimoto Yuki. The darling of the school, loved by all who meet her for her beauty and gentle nature. Oikawa’s friend.

Oikawa’s ex-girlfriend.

“Sure! Library on the second floor, and same time as always?” Oikawa talks animatedly for a second before freezing as if he was realizing where he was. When he speaks again, it’s softer, but there’s a hint of restraint in his tone as if he was trying not to show just how overjoyed he was.

Your heart sinks for a second before you mentally slap yourself. You felt guilty for feeling some dislike for the girl that Oikawa was talking to, but some part of you felt that you were justified in your dislike considering that this was your boyfriend’s ex. His ex who broke up with him because he was too invested in volleyball.

You felt sick.

A few moments pass and Oikawa ends the call. An awkward silence fills the room. Neither of you talk.

“I’ve been--”

“Was that--”

You both speak at the same time. You gesture for Oikawa to speak first and he does.

“I’ve been tutoring Yuki-chan recently.” Oikawa sounds uncertain.It was as if he was walking on eggshells with how cautious he was being. “If you’re wondering.”

“Fujimoto Yuki?” You sat against the wall that your bed was pressed to. “Your ex?”

“My friend.” Oikawa winces at the tone in your voice.

You try to make sense of what’s going on, One part of you wanted to let out all the negative feelings that were bubbling in your chest, but the more logical part of you chose to tread carefully so that the conversation doesn’t end in an argument. “Is that why you haven’t been around these past few weeks?”

Oikawa’s breath hitches for a second. “Yeah.”

“Stop being so defensive then.” You mask the uncertainty that gripped at your chest with a teasing tone accompanied by a playful jab to Oikawa’s shoulder. “They’re just tutoring sessions, right?”

Oikawa takes the path of escape that you opened up for him as he gives you a small smile. “Yeah.”

For now, you were at ease. You crawled back into his arms and Oikawa doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you before he presses a soft kiss onto your forehead.

“I love you.” You breathe out on his neck, heart racing with both love and fear racing through your veins.

Oikawa stills before he squeezes you tighter. “I know.”

That moment in your bedroom was now a thing of the distant past. It was forgotten, buried under several layers of denial. Looking back, you realized that the turmoil you felt then was nothing compared to the pure, unadulterated agony that threatened to rip you open at the present.

“Argentina?” You mumbled to yourself, repeating it in hopes that you’ll be able to make sense of what Oikawa had just said. “You’re going to Argentina in a month, and you’re only telling me now?”

Oikawa reached out to you, regret painted all over his face. “Babe-“

“Don’t-“ You pushed his hand away, and you almost felt guilty as a glassy veil took over Oikawa’s eyes, “-touch me.”

“I’m sorry.” Oikawa looks down, clenching his fists so tightly that he almost broke through the skin. “I didn’t want to ruin the remaining time we had left.”

You frowned, extremely confused. “What do you mean remaining-“

Ah. A look of realization settles on your face, and suddenly the fight within you dies. I get it now.

“So you just planned on leaving me then?” For the first time since the start of this conversation, you look Oikawa dead in the eye. “Leave me behind, no closure or anything. I’ll be left wondering where I went wrong or why I wasn’t enough. Is that it?”

You could see the tear roll down Oikawa’s cheek before he hastily wipes it away. Your jaw clenched and your throat felt tight. He had no right to cry when you were the one being left behind.

“I didn’t want to hurt you-”

“And look where we are, Tooru.” You hissed venomously, the pain slowly transitioning into anger. “I would’ve understood you know? I’d be more than willing to make it work-“

The split-second widening of Oikawa’s eyes was enough of an answer to you.

“Oh.” Your mouth opens and closes, but no words leave your mouth. The next thing you know, you’re choking on your tears as you lean against the wall, sliding down to the floor as you gasp for air.

Oikawa’s eyes widen and he immediately rushes to kneel beside you. He pulls you into his arms, rubbing your back gently as he urges you to let it all out. “Fuck, Y/N. Just breathe, okay? Let it all out.”

An ugly sob wretches itself from your throat and you can only grip onto the sleeves of Tooru’s sweater to ground yourself to the world around you. Your head pounds, and a sharp pain repeatedly stabs at your chest as you hold onto Oikawa Tooru as if he was the only thing keeping you afloat in the ocean of your turmoil.

“I’m so sorry.” Oikawa murmurs against your hair, and it is followed by his tears as they drop onto your head. “God, I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I’m sorry.”

Oikawa’s sobs are beginning to match your own as he tightens his hold around you.

All you can focus on is the fact that he said “I love you”.

It took a few minutes for both of you to calm down. Numerous tears had to be shed and endless sobs had to be released, and now, you both sit in the aftermath of your confrontation.

Oikawa still held you in his arms as he sat on the floor. His arms were still tight around your waist, and your arms were still locked around his neck. The perfect picture depicting two inseparable lovers if only one were willing to ignore tear-stained cheeks and the creases of sadness that seem to have etched itself onto their skin.

“I’m gonna come back.” Oikawa mumbles against your neck before he presses a soft kiss onto it. “I promise you. I will come back.”

“Go chase your dream, Tooru.” You mumble back as you bury your head deeper into his shoulder, lip trembling, fingers shaking. “I don’t want to be the one to stop you.”

“When I come back, I’ll win.” Oikawa tightens his hold as the tears threaten to fall from his eyes once more. “I’ll make you proud. I promise.”

You smile sadly, resignation settling into your veins. “I’ll be watching so you better win.”

Oikawa smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s too guilty. Too conflicted. Too absorbed in his self-deprecation to fully smile. Regardless, he answers. “I promise.”

A month passes by. You don’t send Oikawa off. Only his friends and family were there, and you were nowhere to be found. Some part of him died at your absence, but another part of him was thankful because he probably wouldn’t have mustered the courage to get on that plane if he had to watch you slowly slip away from his grasp

You had both agreed that you’d enjoy the last month together. Oikawa thought it was best that you broke it off when he left for Argentina. He said it would be easier for you. You wondered if he was right. You wondered if you should’ve agreed. Oikawa was smart on and off the court, but emotions weren’t volleyballs that he could just toss around. Relationships weren’t game plans.

But it’s all in the past. From here on, you could only move forward. So you took up all you had, and you moved to Tokyo after you were accepted to a university in the capital.

The only connection you had left from your high school days was Iwaizumi. On occasion you’d talk to Matsukawa and Hanamaki, but it was Iwaizumi who had a more prominent role in your life. You had a strange bond, which was partially strengthened by the fact that you two were the people closest to Oikawa Tooru, and you were both left behind. The only difference between the two of you was that Iwaizumi still had contact with the setter while you had completely cut off all ties.

Aside from one tie, at least. From time to time, you’d find yourself looking through Oikawa’s social media profile. Just checking to see how he was doing.

If he was doing as badly as you were or if he had moved on.

It was what you were doing right now as you sat in a cafe waiting for Iwaizumi to show up to your usual “friendly” dates. The dates he liked to call “get Y/N’s dumb ass to move on from the dumbass called Shittykawa”. You were just about to click on Oikawa’s profile before someone suddenly took your phone.

It was Iwaizumi.

“Damn, what’s your problem?” You raised a brow as the former Seijoh ace took a sip from your coffee as he scrolled through your account, sitting down on the chair across from you. In all honesty, calling it a sip was an understatement, the man practically drank half of the cup’s content. Your eyebrow twitched in irritation.

“It’s unhealthy.” Iwaizumi answered once he had set the cup of coffee down, still scrolling through your phone.

“How is social media unhealthy?” You rolled your eyes, grumbling as you sipped what’s left of your coffee. “I’m just scrolling.”

“Makes you less productive.” Iwaizumi shrugs as he leans back on his chair, pointing an accusatory glace towards you. “Especially when you’re checking your ex’s Instagram.”

“I was not--”

Iwaizumi snorted. “Yes you were.”

“Yes I was.” You admitted, giving up since you knew that Iwaizumi was probably more stubborn than you.

“Y/N, you have to stop.” Iwaizumi tears his eyes from your phone for a second to emphasize his words. A look of concern along with something unreadable flashing through his eyes. “What’s the point of not communicating with him if you’re still gonna look at his profile every night.”

“Not every night.” You grumbled.

Iwaizumi scoffed and continued to scroll through your phone. Some part of him was also curious about Oikawa’s current life, and while he got updates from the setter through the calls, he hasn’t really seen his best friend’s profile in a while. “When’s the last time you checked—“

Iwaizumi stops himself as his eyes land on Oikawa’s most recent post and the caption attached to it.

‘Guess who I bumped into today’

When Oikawa Tooru left for Argentina, he had already accepted that it would be a fresh start. No one knew him there, and no one he knew was there. There were no expectations, and there was no image to uphold. And while that thought made him ecstatic beyond words, there’s always that melancholic undertone to the situation as he realizes that he’s completely alone. Sure, he had friends that he could play volleyball with, but Oikawa’s connection with them wasn’t as deep as the ones he formed in his own country. He chalked it up to his subpar Spanish-speaking skills. Perhaps the heavens knew that Oikawa Tooru, born with a silver-tongue and the face and body of a god, would be unstoppable if he knew how to speak Spanish fluently.

Which is why he was so shocked to see a familiar face holding a tray of food and asking if she could sit with him. The place was empty and the girl could literally sit anywhere, but Oikawa paid it no mind. All he knew was that before him was a reminder of home. Not home home, but Miyagi kind of home.

He never truly felt at home since her, but he didn’t want to dwell on that.

“So Yuki-chan,” Oikawa starts as he notes how the girl in front of him has changed since high school, “What brings you to Argentina?”

“School.” Yuki replies, an eager grin on her face as she looks at the man in front of her. “I needed a change of scenery.”

“Why Argentina?” Oikawa raises a brow. It was a harmless question on his end. He never really liked small talk, but he didn’t really have a choice. The woman across from him was practically a stranger. That’s what it felt like, at least.

Red floods Yuki’s cheeks and Oikawa realizes the implication.

His heart stops, and he wishes he had never asked. He didn’t need this. He didn’t want this. He genuinely hoped he was wrong, but the fidgety way Yuki moved and the way she bit down on her lip out of habit was enough to answer his question. Oikawa was familiar with that look. It was a look he had always put an effort to bring about when they were still together.

Yuki smiles, practically wearing her heart on her sleeve as she answers the setter. “Because you’re here.”

He didn’t like the sound of that at all.

Oikawa Tooru’s life was in Argentina, and you decided that maybe it was time to start accepting that. He had the path all ready for him, and all he had to do was walk through it. He’s earning decent money, living in a decent apartment, doing what he loves most—probably in more ways than one, you thought bitterly as you remembered the post Iwaizumi had shown you earlier in the cafe—and it’s all just working out for him.

So yes, maybe it was time to move on. It would be easy. If loving Oikawa Tooru was a dream, then so be it. Dreams were fleeting. Dreams were insignificant. All you needed to do was treat the memory of him the way you should be treating it. An unreachable reality. A product of the subconscious.

And with his absence, it has never been easier.

If only.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)

“Hajime.”

Iwaizumi cleared his throat to speak, mildly unsettled by your choice to call him by his name. You guys were walking down a dimly-lit alley, and he wouldn’t be surprised if that would be the last alley he ever sees considering the tone you used. “Yes?”

“I guess I have to wake up now, huh?”

Iwaizumi is baffled. Confused. Discombobulated. Genuinely wondering what you meant because maybe the heartbreak finally drove you insane. “The fuck?”

“Damn I was trying to be poetic too.” You gave an exaggerated sigh, a small amused smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “Way to kill the mood.”

“Do I look like I care?” Iwaizumi’s eye twitched.

“You’ll never get girls to like you if you’re so harsh, Iwa-chan~” You teased, attempting to lighten the mood. “It’s a miracle that Fuyumi-chan still likes you.”

“Shut up.”

He didn’t need other girls to like him. He didn’t need Sato Fuyumi’s one-sided affection. This. This moment was enough.

Years pass and you find yourself in the locker room of Japan’s Olympic Volleyball Team, supporting their trainer the way bridesmaids support the bride on her wedding day. You knew how much the match meant to Iwaizumi, and you knew that win or lose, he’d still be happy with whatever happens. However, Iwaizumi still has a competitive streak, and you knew that hell would have to freeze over before Iwaizumi Hajime stopped chasing victory.

“You nervous?” You asked, eyes trailing after Iwaizumi’s pacing form. His eyebrows were pinched together, and his lips were pulled into a straight line. “The match is in 30 minutes.”

“Don’t remind me.” Iwaizumi groans as he plops down on the bench beside you.

“They’ll be fine.” You smiled. “You’ve trained them well, and they’ve been giving their all.”

“What if we lose?” Iwaizumi asks, uncertainty lacing his voice.

You scoffed. “You’re probably used to it considering your old rivalry with Ushijima-san-“

Iwaizumi punches your arm.

“Hey that hurt!” You glared at the trainer while you attempted to soothe the point of impact.

“Good, it was meant to.” Iwaizumi smirks before it fades into a soft smile. A distant look glazes over his eyes before he continues speaking. “He’ll be there, you know.”

I fancied you’d return the way you said

“I know.” You shrugged. After so many years, the pain had become a dull ache. It may have been dull, but it was an ache nonetheless. “He did promise.”

Silence fills the room.

“Are you ready to face him?” Iwaizumi turns to look at you, attempting to gauge your reaction only to be met with a blank expression painted onto your face.

“Honestly,” You almost scoff as you start your lie with that word, “I think I’ll be better off not seeing him.”

Silence takes over.

You didn’t want to admit that you never truly moved on. You didn’t want to admit that all those years apart only made you better at hiding how devastated you were. While it’s true that the pain has dulled out, it seemed to be chronic. It’s manageable most of the time, but there are days where it flares up when you’re alone in your room and no one’s there to call you stupid for holding on. It always hits you as hard as it did in the past, sometimes it gets even worse. You were afraid that saying it out loud would solidify itself into your waking reality, not that it hasn’t, but you’d take whatever chance of denial you could get.

Loving Oikawa Tooru was no dream. It was a nightmare on repeat and you showed no signs of waking up.

The nightmare just got worse the moment he stepped onto the court and on your hopes of ever moving on. It grew out of control when he stepped off, victory smiling down on his figure, and his eyes were set on you.

So you did what you deemed to be the best course of action.

You ran away.

Kind of stupid now that you think about it, considering that your were quite literally running away from an Olympic athlete.

But I grow old and I forget your name

“Oikawa-san.” You bowed slightly before straightening up. You didn’t have a choice other than to act civil considering that the athlete cornered you in the corner of an empty hallway. “Congratulations on your victory.”

When you look up at Oikawa, you’re shocked to see the pain written on his face. His lips were parted, eyebrows were furrowed, and there was a glassy sheen glazing over his eyes. “Oikawa-san?”

Hearing his voice almost made you want to burst into tears, but you didn’t fold, choosing to clench your fists and grit your teeth in hopes that you’ll be able to keep your composure. “That’s your name, isn’t it?”

Oikawa’s mouth falls open fully, and unlike you, he’s not putting any effort into masking any emotion. He looked like he didn’t know what to say. It seemed that he wasn’t expecting the situation before him. “I’m sorry.”

You could feel the tears pricking at your eyes. You avert your gaze from his, turning it to the floor and hoping that he wouldn’t be able to see the tears that began to form. For a second, it felt like you were reliving your third year in high school. “You kept your promise. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Oikawa reaches out towards you. “I’m sorry for leaving-”

“Don’t.” You hissed as you moved away, the last shreds of civility escaping your body. “If you didn’t leave you wouldn’t be here today, so don’t.”

“It was hard without you.” Oikawa sounds defeated as speaks. If he had a goal in mind when he cornered you, it seemed that the said goal was now out of reach. The flame in his eyes when he approached you was slowly dwindling. “Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve listened to you and made it work-”

You could feel your head starting to pound. “Oikawa, don’t-”

Oikawa continues speaking, fim, determined. “Sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like if I still had you by my side even if you were halfway across the world-”

You could feel your throat constricting as the tears began to fall from your eyes.

“Sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like if I had asked you to come with me-”

Yuki’s face flashes through your mind, and you break. “Can you just stop?!”

Oikawa looked like he expected that from you because he was unfazed at your tone. “I’ve been away from you for almost seven years, and every night was hell.”

“Every night was hell, as if.” You hissed through your tears, stepping away from Oikawa as you gave him the darkest glare you could muster. “You had Fujimoto at your side. You didn’t need me.”

For some reason, instead of the guilt that you were looking to find, you saw a rekindled flame slowly starting to blaze through his eyes. “I only met Fujimoto once.”

“I’m not your girlfriend. I don’t need your explanation.” You replied sharply as you turned your gaze to his shoes.

You don’t pull away when Oikawa pulls you to his chest to surround you with his embrace. You allowed yourself to enjoy this moment, just this one moment before you decided that it was time to let go.

You grip at his shirt as you speak, lip trembling, fingers shaking. “Just… I’m trying to move on, and you’re just making it harder for me.”

“What if I don't want you to move on?” Oikawa tightens his grip as he feels you attempt to pull away.

“Then you’re a selfish asshole.” You managed to hiss out, continuing to struggle in his hold. You knew that the longer you were in his arms, the less you would be willing to put up a fight.

“I love you.” Oikawa whispers, and all the fight within you dies.

“Don’t.” You choke out as your vision turns blurry from tears. “You don’t mean that.”

“I mean it. God, if it means that I have to tell you everyday, every hour, every minute just to convince you I will.” Oikawa is firm as he pulls away and looks you straight in the eyes. “I love you. I didn’t say it enough back then. Looking back, I never really did enough to let you know just how much I loved you. I understand if you want nothing to do with me, but please--”

Oikawa stops to close his eyes, taking a deep breath as he attempts to calm his racing heart, hands trembling as he holds you by the curve of your biceps. “Please, give me another chance.”

Silence engulfs the two of you.

You can feel the blood rushing to your head, throbbing, pulsing as you take in the words that had left Oikawa’s lips. Your throat goes dry, your limbs feel weightless, and for once in your life, you don’t know what to do. You didn’t have the guts to push Oikawa Tooru away. You loved him too much to ever truly get over him, and here he was presenting you a reason to not move on from his unyielding presence--even if he was physically absent--that had such a great influence over your life. On the other hand, you’ve had to endure years of heartbreak caused by his departure, and you weren’t sure if you could handle any more. It would be too difficult.

But you didn’t really give a shit anymore.

Oikawa's eyes blow wide open as your lips meet his. In that moment, he felt everything and nothing all at once. The world around him fades, and all he can focus on is the warmth of your hands that bleeds into his cheeks, the movement of your lips against his, and the feeling of your skin underneath his fingers as he kisses you back desperately.

When you pull away to catch your breath, Oikawa gives you a second before he presses you to the wall, wraps one arm around your waist, and rests his weight on one palm beside your head. He kisses you once more, desperation, regret, apology, and the promise of a better future bleeding through his kisses as he pulls you closer to his body, chest to chest, with only bone, muscle, and cloth to separate the hearts that--in the beginning of days--may have once belonged to the same body.

The waves calm and Oikawa speaks. He doesn’t ask--no--he says it with his whole chest, unwavering as conviction settles itself into his dark eyes.

“Come to Argentina with me.”

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;

At least when spring comes back they roar again.

Iwaizumi is leaning against the wall, smiling sadly to himself as he begins to stand up straight, preparing to walk away, whether it was from the venue or from the reason there’s a slight pang in his chest, he didn’t know.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and a familiar name is shown along with a message that he deemed was the sender’s attempt to comfort him on his team’s loss.

Sato Fuyumi

I watched the game [5:31 PM]

You guys fought well so don’t be too down in the dumps, okay? [5:32 PM]

Iwaizumi smiles a little as he pockets the phone. Sato was right, they fought well, he fought well. Two years in middle school, three years in high school, and nearly seven years after, all he did was fight and hold on.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead

For a second, Iwaizumi closes his eyes and through them he sees flashes of countless memories: locks of hair, teary eyes, and the saddest face that looked a little out of place for someone who gave him a reason to smile.

Iwaizumi almost didn’t want to open his eyes. Maybe if he shut them a little longer then the images of an impossible future would become the reality of his waking world, but he knew it would never play out like that. Deep in his mind, in the darker corners of his head that was covered by layers of denial, the distant memory of a dimly-lit alley plays in his head. Iwaizumi scoffs as he realizes that he wasn’t the only one who still had their eyes shut.

(I think I made you up inside my head)

A lifeless chuckle escapes Iwaizumi’s lips as he tries to shut his eyes tighter, pain and frustration pooling underneath his lids. The realization hits him, and he resists the urge to cry because he had seen this happening before it even did, but he was too stubborn to admit it, too caught up in a dream that he’d eventually be violently ripped awake from.

Oikawa Tooru defeated him twice that day.

And the second loss was more painful.

A/N: I finally posted this one AHHHHH. I like to think that the writing style I used in this one was better than my previous ones in terms of imagery, but I don’t know, I’m still trying to find a solid writing style and PHEW it is difficult. Anyways, I hope you guys liked this one!

#oikawa x reader #iwaizumi x reader #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #genre.angstfluff #cont.spoilers #tw swearing #tw angst

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zenosanalytic · 3 years

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Growing Up is Hard; It’s Hard and Nobody Understands

So I noticed netflix has Neon Genesis Evangelion up last week and started watching it front to back for the first time ever(this happens to have coincided with me being in a down-mood for your edification, dear readers u_u), finished it today, REALLY liked it, and I wanted to try my hand at explaining what the hell is even going on in NGE cuz it actl seemed super-clear to me(a person who has been consuming NGE analysis and post-NGE media for literally 25 years) u_u

Surface Plot; Or NERV: What the Hell Is It?

I’ll try to make this as brief as possible: An organization of super-wealthy individuals calling itself Seele(looking this up, it means soul in german) wants to possess the power of God. The final third or so of the series is clear on this; it’s all about power. Ikari Yui, a geneticist, is recruited by this organization, and her husband Gendo(having taken her name which says a LOT given typical Japanese practice) comes with her. In seeking out this power, they discover a hollow sphere underneath Antarctica(”The White Moon”), send an expedition there under the guise of the UN, encounter an entity with this power which they label an “Angel”, and do SOMETHING which prompts it to explode the continent flooding the earth and killing half the population(that Gendo left beforehand implies this may have been intentional, or that a bad outcome to Seele’s approach was easy to predict, tho in typical Gendo fashion, his is the only ass he cared to save).

Afterwards Seele blame the scientists for this outcome and send Gendo on a salvage mission which recovers both remains of the Angel, now dubbed “Adam”, and a device they dub “the spear of Longinus”. Seele creates Gehirn to study these remains for practical use; they clone “Adam” and dub the result Evas(Eves). Having cloned them, they now need a way to use and control them as the Evas are non-responsive. They hit on the idea of injecting people into them via the Entry Plug system, presumably to act as a brain. The first person to try this, Ikari Yui, was absorbed by the Eva(Unit 01); the second(Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin; Asuka’s mother) was partially psychologically absorbed by Unit 02, psychologically and mentally injured by this, institutionalized, abandoned by her shit USian husband Langley who remarried to her LEAD DOCTOR, and eventual kills herself in a hanging which Asuka either is the first to discover or, given her memories of promising to die with her/begging her not to do it, was present for. An important thing to note about this: Shinji and Asuka’s ability to sync with their Evas comes from the fact that their mothers are PART of their Eva’s identity, and all of their classmates are potential pilot-candidates. The implication here is that Seele KNEW this happened when you put adults into an Angel, and they KEPT DOING IT ANYWAY to create more pilots, but there’s no confirmation of that in series.

After the attempt at human adult control fails, Gendo combines Yui’s DNA with Adam’s and creates Rei. At the same time he is doing this another team, under Akagi Naoko, is developing Magi, a biomechanical computer for simulating the human mind(again: certain implication to this re: Evas though the series never says anything). Naoko is romantically interested in Gendo, and they start getting together(Gendo’s too much of an asshole to be said to date, I think). After Rei, a toddler, tells her Gendo calls her an “old woman” in private, not realizing this is insulting, Naoko kills her, then kills herself out of shame over having MURDERED A CHILD, and Gehirn is folded into a new organization, NERV, which Gendo is put in charge of. Rei forms the basis of the second attempt at controlling the Evas; child-pilots.

How they use Rei for this I’m not exactly sure. It could be because Rei is cloned from Yui(she easily syncs with Unit 01 before Shinji bonds with it completely), or because she’s part Angel via her Adam element(Kaworu says Angels merge with one another easily and naturally), or it could be they did something with Rei I’s corpse and Unit 00(I dont see how as it seems to require a LIVE pilot). Regardless, she is raised to be the pilot for 00, the prototype. MUCH later, when the rest of the Angels finally decide to come looking for Adam, Shinji is called in, and after his success Asuka(who like Rei and unlike Shinji has been training to pilot her whole life) is called to Nerv headquarters(under Japan, in the “Black Moon”; a second spherical hollow where they found another Angel they call Lilith) too.

Regardless the child-pilots are only a step in Nerv and Seele’s plans, as Rei is ALSO the template for the Dummy Plug system, the final step in complete control of Eva units. To put it simply, the Dummy Plugs are Rei-clones without her personality or memories, and will just do whatever the heck they’re ordered to. At least once during the series(and I’d argue two, possibly three times) Rei dies and is replaced by one of these clones through some process, which involves what looks like a pre 00 Eva’s spine and probably a Magi-like backup, which transfers her personality and memories into the new body.

So what is Nerv? Well it’s hard to say EXACTLY because Gendo is in some sort of conflict with Seele(and I want to keep my watches of End of Evangelion out of this post; to focus entirely on JUST NGE itself) and Nerv IS Gendo, but as the series states repeatedly it’s an attempt to control the future of humanity by controlling what they call “the power of god” which, given that it’s what most distinguishes the “Angels”, is the AT, or “Absolute Terror”, Field. What is the AT Field? It’s a field that can make or unmake any kind of matter or energy from basically nothing, and it also seems to have a strong tie to what you could call the Ego; to desires and sense-of-self. An AT Field gets stronger when the person generating it is experiencing powerful emotions; Confidence, sure, but also Fear, Abandonment, the Will to Live, and Anger.

That last bit is very important. Why? Strong AT Field effects require a powerful emotional motivation in the pilot combined with high sync-rates with the Eva(basically a lobotomized Angel-clone) generating the Field. The three pilots we meet, the Strongest candidates, are all exceedingly traumatized people, and Gendo is the direct cause of the trauma of two of them. At no point in the series is Gendo ever a good father to Shinji, he is CONSTANTLY unreasonable, neglectful, and cruel to him; he’s kinder to Rei but at the same time her loneliness, the state of her “home”, and her lack of self worth shows that he rarely interacts with her outside of missions or explains what’s going on beyond bald facts; and he COMPLETELY ignores Asuka, a deeply lonely child with a history of abandonment and close brushes with death; he even delegates bumping her from the program. This point is important because it’s important to recognize that Gendo is a bad dad on PURPOSE; that he instrumentalizes his bad dadness to traumatize Shinji(and Rei and Asuka, though sadly the series doesn’t focus on them enough for us to see much) as much as he can, because he thinks that trauma, that emotional instability and anger, MAKES SHINJI A MORE USEFUL PILOT; ie lets him generate more powerful AT Fields. This is never said clearly, but it’s clearly what’s going on as forcing Unit 01(and thus Shinji) into awful, heartbreaking, life-threatening situations is vital to his plan. Gendo’s a piece of shit, and I want ppl to recognize just HOW BIG a piece of shit he is, because I feel this powerfully.

And for what? For Power. To be “God”. To get the highest numbers. To generate the MOST Invincible Invincibility Shield. For Ridiculous, Absurd, Childish reasons. For, you know, the same reasons rich and powerful people do all the fucked up shit they do in the real world where giant magic robots thankfully DONT exist.

And how do they plan to do this? Through “Human Instrumentation”, which will literally kill everyone by turning them all into goo.

Metaplot; Or “SHINJI! Don’t Get in that Robot!!”

So, maybe this is just because(as said previously) I’ve been reading NGE Analysis and consuming media which NGE heavily inspired for ~25 years, but I think it’s old hat at this point to note that Neon Genesis Evangelion is ALSO an allegory for becoming an adult, centered on Shinji. However, it’s just really SO on the nose in this, so PERFECT as such a narrative, that I want to run through it real quick. Also: A Cruel Angel’s Thesis is basically a thesis-statement for this series; please check out the lyrics.

So Shinji is living under the guardianship of a teacher(yup: this series even takes a swing at how our society uses schools to warehouse kids so their parents can waste their lives producing “Value” instead of raising them), when the shitty dad that abandoned him decides he has a use for him after all and calls him up.

On meeting with a child he has not seen SINCE HE WAS A TODDLER LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM ON THE STREET WHEN HIS MOTHER DIED he immediately ambushes him with the command that he get in a huge body(that he grow up) to do what? Whatever Gendo tells him to, but specifically: commit acts of violence for Gendo and Seele’s profit. He tells him this will protect people; meanwhile doing it destroys those peoples’ literal homes. The rest of the series is a series of monotonous, incomprehensible “Tests” judging his, and his peers, worthiness for approval and affection on the basis of how well they can use those giant bodies to do what Gendo tells them(so: capitalist work), punctuated by unpredictable, brutal, traumatizing, and physically dangerous events(so: capitalist work). Every friend, and the one lover, he meets, he is placed in unnecessary, destructive competition with and, when they are male, forced to attack and(in the case of the one lover, Kaworu) kill them; this last comment on homophobia is so stark and obvs I don’t even feel like you can CALL it subtext, even IF it plays out over mostly a single episode(honestly this plotline should have been given more time). And all the time they’re doing this, they must ALSO continue going to school and maintaining the front that they’re happy smiley Heroes, completely normal and not traumatized at all, and Nerv and the government that lets them run this city is a great and wonderful organization. Is this not what becoming an adult, over your teens and 20s, feels like?

And then there’s Seele and Nerv. Able to move state governments as they wish, Seele CAUSED Second Impact(Global Warming). By not returning Adam’s remains, they’re CAUSING the Angel attacks on Nerv meant to retrieve them(the threat of Human extinction). The Angels eventually begin trying to communicate and Nerv’s response? Destroy them before they can; blow up the Evas(and their pilots) if they succeed. And to top it all off Seele and Nerv are actually trying to CAUSE the very extinction(Third Impact) they claim to be preventing! Seele and Nerv are just SUCH good metaphors for capitalism in our modern day.

The transwoman reading of Shinji also seems pretty dang strong to me, though I’ll only deal with it shallowly. Shinji is the only “male” of all the pilots. Outside of command and security, most Nerv staff are women. Being an Eva pilot, being Nerv staff, is marked as “feminine”, and Shinji is an Eva pilot; is a Nerv staffer. The body he gets into, Unit 01, acts as a metaphor for the large, imposing, masculine body he’s expected to have as an adult “man”, yet it’s also spiritually his mom -feminine- and his ability to use it is tied DIRECTLY with his ability to “Sync” with that spirit; with his ease and comfort being feminine. Even at the level of mere aesthetics, Shinji’s plugsuit makes him appear to have breasts! Going a bit deeper, he initially relates to the women around him by relating to their gender. He’s most at ease with Rei because of the personality traits she shares with him which, we know from his gender-policing of Misato from earlier in the series, are traits he considers feminine(ie: he doesn’t feel like Misato has them, so he thinks she’s being a woman “wrong” and gets oddly offended by this in a way that really feels more about him than her). Asuka is constantly expressing her frustration with him for not “being a man”, ie, for being “feminine” in her eyes, and he isn’t really bothered by it(her calling him an idiot seems to stick much more firmly). Misato and Shinji establish a modus vevendi when she accepts him as he is, allowing him to do the household chores and to cook; he’s comfortable and happy when accepted into roles his culture considers feminine, while most of the series is him bucking AGAINST the masculinity forced on him by Nerv, his father, and others. Again: this is a very surface-level engagement with the subject, but even at that shallow level I feel like the case for reading Shinji as a transwoman is pretty solid.

Dislikes

It’s not a perfect series by any means of course.

There’s allot of dialogue that’s pure 90s nonsense, though the series mostly includes it only to shoot it down.

Like I said above, I don’t think Rei and Asuka really get the time or attention they deserve. In general the series treatment of women is ...Weird... especially around the issue of sex. It’s really strange; in many ways it’s far better than most anime(spcl from that period) on this. Women are ACTUAL PEOPLE with psychology, opinions, and pasts; they’re allowed to have emotions of their own, and struggles, and to be damn competent; they are independent and their own selves rather than accessories or “prizes” to men. But on the issue of feminine sexuality it just gets suddenly so weird in this very particular old-school misogynist way. Like: it treats women’s attraction and reactions TO relationships as something devoid of and impenetrable to reason, without belittling the emotions(the desire and hurt) behind those reactions. That’s the only way I can describe it, and it’s so strange to see something that is both so insulting and sympathetic at once. Oh, and the Akagis in particular are done super-dirty for seemingly no reason I can see, tho I can guess, and Akagi Ritsuki is CLEARLY a lesbian(possibly bi lesbian) and also Rose Lalonde(srsl; her Deal should have been an unrequited, unspoken crush on Misato. They openly dealt with queerness re: Kaworu and Shinji they could have done it here too).

The Kaworu storyline should have been a series of episodes or even developed from the start with him as another pilot(maybe replace Toji with him), though they’d have to tone down his weirdness, at least at the start. A deeper dive on Shinji’s sexuality(honestly his attraction to Kaworu is SO much more immediate and believable than anything we see with him and Asuka, which there is basically nothing of beyond the ep where they had to do choreography for a fight, and that’s not developed on) would have really been appreciated, and having Kaworu be a bigger part of the series would have facilitated that.

Also honestly the whole series feels a bit rushed? Spcl the second half. Like I said: I haven’t done any followup reading lately, but I remember there being some budget problems or something, so maybe that’s the cause. Ironically it might actl also be why it’s as GOOD as it is; having to keep it short forces you to write concise and lean, and that’s probably why its themes and message are so clear. But, I’d have liked more rambling for character development, and more time spent on seeing Rei and Asuka react to the stresses we saw Shinji face(also they never really get moments to shine like he does; another negative common to the medium and genre). Asuka in particular, as a Japanese German with a USian temperament abandoned by her parents, already an outsider in SO many ways, coming to live in an entirely different culture where she’s even MORE of an outsider; forced to live with people(Misato and Shinji) she finds it impossible to relate to or connect with; who has literally NO ONE beside a single adult guardian who totally blows her off THE WHOLE SERIES after delivering her; PLUS her awful past: there’s just SO MUCH material I’d have loved to see explored more slowly and with greater depth, detail, and sympathy even if what IS there already is pretty powerful and effecting. She’s SUCH a good Vriska(so I’d also have loved to see her break more shit too >:>)

Conclusion

So Anyway: I really liked this series. It had its problems, there are things I’d have liked to see, but it absolutely deserves the reputation it has. I might write more about this, I might do a watch through INCLUDING End of Evangelion(which actl makes much more sense having watched the series, though having done so makes Shinji’s masturbation scene comPLETELY out of left-field like where the hell did THAT come from); we’ll see.

#Neon Genesis Evangelion #The Dreaded Animes #zA Reviews #zA Opinions

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chaoticminhos · 4 years

Text

crash and burn

pairing: han jisung x reader x hwang hyunjin

genre: angst, smut (hyunjin) mafia au

warnings: bomb explosion, injury.

word count: 10.5k

a/n: mafia jisung was requested, as was power play/fighting for dominance with hyunjin, so I combined them together to make a spicier plot >:) not very proof read

run away.

what a powerful human instinct. when put in a situation of possible danger, humans have two options; fight through it or run away from it. you’d always been one to run if the possibility came up, and your current situation was no exception.

your heart pounded against your rib cage as you ran with the little bit of effort you had left inside of you. the meeting had gone south and you received one order from chan- get back to the base safe.

being the only girl on the mission, you were the most heavily followed when your team split, aside from chan, of course, nothing was more important than capturing the leader.

you didn’t know exactly how many people were following you, but you heard at least three sets of feet running behind you. luckily for you, you were in your side of town. you knew the terrain and they didn’t.

you bolted into a dim alleyway, running through it and towards a crowded part of the town. even at night, there were bound to be people. way too many people for the people chasing you to do anything and not get caught.

you didn’t make it to your destination, though. as you ran past a particular building, a door swung open and you were dragged in as the door slapped behind you and you heard the lock click.

immediately you began to struggle. you were so damn close to safety, you were not getting caught now, not by some bastard who-

“y/n, jesus christ, calm the fuck down.”

you relaxed at the voice, but still worked to free yourself of his grip.

“what the fuck, jisung? i was almost safe in town.”

he kept his hold on you, holding your body close to his, “and now you’re safe here. and you’re with me, that’s an added bonus.”

as much as you wanted to be mad at him for scaring you like he had, you couldn’t bring yourself to keep a scowl on your face when he was holding you so close and looking at you like he was.

he leaned down and placed a kiss to your lips before taking your hand and leading you through the building and towards an exit on the other side.

“you were the only one not home yet, chan got worried.”

you laughed, “so he sent the least trained team member to save me?”

he raised an eyebrow, “just because i’m newest doesn’t mean i’m not trained well.”

you shrugged, he wasn’t wrong. jisung had only joined your brother’s group a couple months ago, but he was one hell of a learner. he picked up on firearms almost immediately despite having only basic experience with them. he was amazing at hand to hand combat, already better than hyunjin despite him having nearly a year over jisung in training. that wasn’t to say hyunjin was bad at combat, it just meant jisung was freaky good.

he cracked open a door and peaked out before deciding it was clear and leading you back outside. he seemed calm, but his free hand, the one not holding onto yours, was secure to the weapon in his waistband. it could be assumed that the men chasing you had given up by now, but one could never be sure.

it wasn’t a far walk to the mansion, not that you’d mind if it was. you had no problem spending time alone with jisung.

he wasn’t your boyfriend, but you’d say you had a romantic relationship with him. you’d hooked up with him too many times and he held your hand far too often not to classify it as a relationship. that’s how you thought of it, anyway. the two of you never discussed it.

jisung typed in the code to unlock the door and stepped in before you. you were met with the rest of the members sitting and waiting for your return. it was usual to have a full group meeting after a mission, especially one that went as wrong as this one had.

the only open places were separate from each other. so you released jisung’s hand from yours and took the closest one, which was between hyunjin and your brother, chan.

“obviously we took a blow tonight. it was stupid of me to think we could trust them despite their connections to our enemy. i’m fine with the hit as long as none of you got hurt. still, we can’t let them get away with stealing from us. we’re going to have to retaliate.” he stood, he was referring to the thousands of dollars in the bags he’d brought to make a fair trade that ended up being stolen, “get some rest and we’ll discuss a plan in the morning.”

it didn’t take more than that to convince the majority of you to head to your rooms. you stood to leave, but jisung stopped you by calling your name.

“y/n,” he smirked, “my room?”

your face flushed at his question, more at the fact that he asked it so loudly in front of everybody than anything else. it wasn’t like what was happening between you two was a secret, but still. your best friends and older brother were in the room, for christs sake.

you nodded and made your way to jisung, following him to his bedroom.

“can you two at least be quiet this time? if you wanna be up all night that’s on you, but let the rest of us sleep.”

you sent a wide eyed glare at changbin for his words, but jisung just laughed.

“no promises.”

you were woken up the next morning by jeongin pounding on jisung’s door to say that chan wanted everyone downstairs. it seemed he’d already came up with a plan to get the money back.

you didn’t bother to get dressed, instead just pulling one of jisung’s oversized shirts over your head and calling it good.

you walked down the stairs with jisung and were met by a glare from changbin, “you weren’t quiet.”

chan didn’t allow you or jisung to reply as he got right into his plan.

it wouldn’t get stray kids their money back, but it would ensure that ateez, the gang who’d stolen it, wouldn’t be able to use it for anything other than repairs.

the plan was to set fire to a building known to be home to a lot of their business. it’s where they stored things and made the drugs they sold, so burning it to the ground would cost them a lot. not only would it destroy their headquarters, it would burn thousands of dollars worth of product. it was technically a government building, a law firm, but it obviously didn’t cost more than ateez had to bribe the government to let them make drugs in the basement of their building.

it wasn’t a super elaborate plan. he would just send a couple of you in to light the basement up and one of you in to pull the fire alarm once it was on fire. he didn’t care about getting ateez’s men out safe and alive, but there were a lot of innocent people in that building.

“my target is the building,” he made it very clear, “the target is not the people.”

still, you all had permission to shoot any ateez member you came in contact with as long as you were absolutely sure they were actually a part of the whole thing, not just some unknowing employee at the firm.

“we’re going in tonight. they had last night to feel like they won, i’m not giving them a second good nights sleep.”

you all nodded in understanding.

“you’re excused. but stay open, i’ll let you know further details soon.”

naturally, you and jisung took the option of a mostly free day and decided to go to town. he never called it a date, but he held your hand while he walked you to the restaurant and let you choose where to go. he even payed for your meal. he did everything a boyfriend would. a title wasn’t needed.

you lead jisung through the small restaurant and into the back corner where you liked to sit. it was one of your favorite noodle places to go to, you’d been there enough to have a favorite seat.

you didn’t bother with a menu, you knew what you wanted. jisung didn’t grab one either. he’d taken here you way too many times not to know what food he liked. the waitress approached the table.

“can i get you drinks to get started?”

“we’re ready to order, actually.” jisung smiled at her. you noticed the way she scanned his features as she smiled back.

“what can i get for you then, sir?”

you had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes at her flirty tone. wasn’t it obvious you were there together? as a pair?

jisung ordered his regular and you mustered up a fake smile as you voiced your own order as well. she assured you both that your drinks would be out soon and left to put in your orders, but not before gently placing a hand on jisung’s shoulder for a moment. you chose not to mention your frustration to jisung.

he reached across the table and took grip of your hand, “who do you think chan will send in?”

apparently he wouldn’t voice his opinion on the waitress, either.

you shrugged, “i’m not sure. minho and changbin maybe.” you thought for a moment, “but they might recognize changbin. he’s always at negotiations.”

“you?”

“maybe. it can’t be hard to get a girl into that place.”

jisung let out a small laugh, “that’s true.”

just then, your drinks were placed in front of you. you slid your hands out from under jisung’s to make room for the glasses. you smiled and thanked her for the drinks, expecting her to leave and get back to work. instead, though, she stayed. she brought her hand back to jisungs shoulder. she addressed both of you as she spoke, but you could tell her focus was on jisung.

“what’s the plans for today?”

“nothing really.” jisung spoke, “probably heading home after this.”

she raised an eyebrow, “you two live together?”

you were going to respond, but jisung got there before you.

“our whole friend group lives together.”

she nodded but was called off by her boss before she had the chance to respond.

again, you ignored her actions and went back to casually talking to jisung. it wasn’t long before she was back again, this time with your food.

“enjoy your food!” she chirped before walking away.

she didn’t bother you anymore while you ate, only reappearing when jisung flagged her over and asked for the check. she brought it and he payed. you took note of the tip he gave, not overly generous but not skimpy.

she lingered for a moment before speaking as you were getting up and ready to leave.

“if you don’t mind me asking,” she was speaking to jisung, “could i get your number?”

he chuckled, raising his hands in defense.

“oh, no, i’m sorry.”

he took your hand and looked to you in hopes that she’d get the point.

“oh,” she pretended as if she hadn’t noticed the signs of you two being together the entire time, “i’m sorry! i didn’t realize she was your girlfriend!”

you missed the way jisung faltered for a moment at the word. girlfriend.

he assured her it was okay before the two of you hurried out of the restaurant. the second the door shut behind you, jisung laughed.

“that was uncomfortable.”

you chuckled back, “little bit.”

your hand still in his, jisung walked you back to the mansion and you spent the rest of the day curled into his side watching television on his bed. after the restaurant incident, you two decided to just go home instead of staying in town.

you were right in the middle of an episode when your phone rang, indicating that chan had called a meeting.

“looks like it’s go time.”

“y/n, hyunjin, and felix will be going in.” chan explained the plan, “felix is the distraction. he’ll be pretending to be a customer and speaking with anyone that needs to be distracted while y/n and hyunjin get to the basement and light it up.”

“why them?” changbin questioned. it wasn’t that he didn’t agree with his choice, he just wanted the reason behind it. he needed to be able to think like chan. if anything happened to him, changbin was next in line.

“it’s unlikely that anyone will recognize y/n. she’s just another girl to them. hyunjin is there in case someone does.”

and just like that, you were sitting in the back of a truck with rigged up bombs shoved between you and hyunjin. it would be too hard to get a ton of accelerant like gasoline in there without someone noticing, so chan opted for explosives.

seungmin was driving and jisung was in the passenger seat. no one was speaking, it always got deadly quiet before missions.

she car stopped in front of a big building that you recognized as the law firm and jisung stepped out to open the door for you and hyunjin. you got out, doing your best to block the contents of the car from anyone walking by as you loaded the devices into every pocket you had on you. another car pulled up behind you and the rest of the boys stepped out, including felix. chan gave the signal to go.

jisung stopped you before you could enter the building, though. he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“be careful.”

you smiled and followed the two boys into the building.

felix split off immediately to the front desk. his task was to distract everyone as you and hyunjin found your way to the basement. his first conquest was the lady at the front desk. it was working so far, he had the desk attendants full attention and she didn’t even notice as you and hyunjin slinked into a staircase clearly labeled employees only.

it took a while for the two of you to find your way to where you needed to be, but you got there.

the first obstacle was the workroom packed full of people that you needed to get past in order to get to the planting location. chan had showed you a map of the layout of the building and told you to pack most of the bombs into the warehouse where storage was. he had told you over and over again, the target was the product. and where was product stored? the warehouse.

hyunjin lowered his head and gestured for you to follow him as he began to cross the room. you were worried at first, wouldn’t someone notice you? wouldn’t you seem out of place?

the answer was no. it seemed that most of the workers couldn’t tell one person from another.

it was obvious that their payment for working was a cut of the product, not money.

finally, you reached two big, swinging factory doors. that had to be the warehouse.

you watched as hyunjin scanned the room to make sure no ones eyes were on you before leading you into the warehouse.

it was empty for the most part, just a couple people. that meant that you’d seem more out of place than you did in the busy workroom. you had to be careful about being seen. you saw now why chan chose hyunjin specifically as the one to go with you, he was excellent at avoiding detection. he was trained and brought into the group for his spy work. despite his tall figure and clumsy nature, he was quiet and quick on his feet. you had to be careful not to lose him yourself.

the two of you began packing explosives into any space you could find, trying to spread them out evenly but still close enough that they would set each other off. you slowly moved through the entire large room together, one watching the others back as they carefully placed a package. you and hyunjin worked quickly as a team, yet another reason chan had sent the two of you in. he knew the dynamics, he knew who worked well together and how well they worked.

you were covering hyunjin’s back as he placed his last few bundles when an alarm rang through the building. you quickly registered it as the fire alarm. that meant felix had pulled the fire alarm. he pulled it before there was any sign of fire.

you and hyunjin were supposed to be the ones to pull the alarm when you were finished placing the bombs. you were supposed to be the ones letting felix know when it was time to get out, not the other way around. there was only one time felix was ordered to pull the alarm, and it was if the two of you or himself got compromised.

felix had pulled the alarm, and that meant get out, they know you’re here.

you tossed the last few bundles you had and watched as hyunjin lit the fuse to one of the bigger bombs, one that was sure to set off all of the ones near it and bring the building crashing down. the explosives looked small, but they could tear down entire buildings with enough of them, and oh boy, you and hyunjin sure had planted enough.

you allowed hyunjin to take grip of your wrist and lead you out of the warehouse and through the crowd to the exit. you were nearly there when you felt his hand leave your wrist and someone else’s arms around you.

“i thought i recognized you.”

that’s funny, you thought, because you didn’t recognize him. from his word choice and location though, you figured he was part of ateez.

you struggled in his arms and desperately tried to find hyunjin in the crowd, but you’d lost him.

you knew the rules, if something were to happen in a situation like this, your orders were to get out. there wasn’t time to try to get your partners out. if hyunjin lost you like you lost him, he wouldn’t spend more than a few seconds trying to find you before turning and leaving the building himself. it wasn’t anything personal, it was chans orders.

you thrashed in the strange mans arms. he obviously wasn’t taking the blaring fire alarm seriously, as he made no attempt to get closer to the door. you tried to reason with him, screaming that you’d rigged the place and it would go up in flames any second, but he wouldn’t budge. either he didn’t believe you or he didn’t care.

you managed to break free from his hold and your eyes locked with the exit. you felt your legs ache as you ran as hard as you could to get out of the building that was set to blow up any second.

the last thing you heard was chan’s voice screaming in your ear to get out and get to safety with the rest of them before the earpiece was blown off of you from the shock of the impact coming from the exploding flames.

watching from a safe distance away outside, hyunjin fell to his knees in guilt as the boys watched the building crash and fall with you still inside.

you struggled to hear past the ringing in your ears as three men kneeled down beside you. their lips were moving, but you couldn’t make out any words.

you tried to fight back as they roughed you around, not registering the situation. they got you onto a backboard and someone placed something over your mouth and once again you tried to fight it off, but you didn’t have the strength.

you barely registered the change in scenery as you were carried out of the building and lifted into an ambulance. your eyes were blurry from the smoke and you swore you could still hear the alarms blaring in your ears.

the doors of the ambulance were being pulled shut when someone put their body in the way, jumping onto the ambulance with you. the emergency staff tried to push him back, but he insisted on staying.

“it’s my sister.”

you didn’t process the new body as chan. in your haze, it was just another person smothering you and refusing to turn off whatever the fuck was ringing in your ears.

you couldn’t say how long the ride to the hospital was. in all honesty, you couldn’t even say with certainty that you recalled the ride at all. you were drifting in and out of consciousness and you barely made the connection they you’d been taken from the vehicle and into the hospital building.

you felt someone squeezing your hand before they were pushed away and you were rolled into a room full of doctors and bright lights. you remembered asking someone to turn the lights down before everything went black.

you woke up in a hospital bed with your head pounding like crazy. the lights were dim as you looked around the small room, but you still recognized the boy sitting in the corner.

“channie?”

his head shot up and he made his way to you.

“hey, i’m here.”

your mind coming off of it’s tired haze finally began to register the pain coursing through your body.

“what happened?”

“you were still in the building when the bombs went off.”

you glanced around the room and, finally processing that you were in an actual hospital and not being cared for by one of the boys, began to panic.

“why am i here?”

he grabbed your shoulders and made you lay still, “EMTs found you before we did. it’s okay, they don’t know you started it. they think you were just an innocent civilian in the building.”

you calmed down upon hearing that he wasn’t angry at you for being hospitalized.

generally, you avoided hospitals the best you could. the whole team opted instead to let their injuries and illness he cared for by one of the others. it was safer than putting yourself in the public eye with questionable injuries.

chan backed away from you when a nurse stepped into the room, dragging a large cart behind her.

“hey,” she softly greeted, “your monitor showed you were awake. i need to take your vitals.”

she smiled at chan and gestured for him to sit back down in the guest chair as she checked your vitals. apparently nothing was out of the ordinary, because she smiled at you before wheeling the cart out of the room and calling behind her that she would let your other guests know you were awake.

only moments after she left, hyunjin, jeongin, felix, and jisung stepped into the room.

“the others are at home tending to injuries.” chan informed you, “none of them are hurt as bad as you.”

you nodded, heart falling when you looked up and saw the tears running down hyunjin’s face. he leaned down and wrapped his arms around you and you laughed.

“what, you big baby?”

“i’m so sorry, y/n, i’m so sorry.”

you hushed him and pushed him off of you with a wince. your entire body was sore, and although he didn’t mean to, that boy hugged like he wanted to suffocate you.

“it’s not your fault.”

you scanned the room and greeted the other three boys. it was odd to you that jisung hadn’t said a single word or made a move to hug you, or even be anywhere closer to you than the door, since they’d walked in.

you weren’t given time to think much of it before who you assumed was your doctor walked through the door, immediately turning to speak to chan.

“your sister could go home today or we could keep her and monitor her for a few more days just to be sure. it’s your call.”

chan nodded, politely stating that he would prefer to take you home. the doctor nodded before handing chan your release papers.

you felt slightly frustrated that he wasn’t addressing you, you were an adult and could sign your own papers, but you understood why he was going through chan.

as if reading your mind, the doctor turned to you.

“would you like me to send in a nurse to help you get dressed or will one of these boys be helping you?”

you looked expectantly towards jisung, but his eyes were trained out the window.

“i’d like a nurse to help, if you don’t mind.”

he nodded kindly and lead the boys out of the room. chan left last after placing a bundle of clean clothes on the foot of your bed. you guessed the ones you had been wearing were torn up from the shrapnel and impact.

it didn’t take long before a nurse was stepping through the door and pulling a curtain over the windows to the rest of the hospital to give you privacy.

she helped you stand and step into your clothes and you couldn’t stop thanking her for being patient with you as you slowly moved your aching body. you winced as you lifted your arms above your head and let her slip a sweatshirt over your body.

you expected it to be awkward, having a random lady dress you, but she was so kind that it didn’t feel too uncomfortable.

she slipped warm socks onto your feet before helping you into your shoes and offering you an arm to help you stand. she walked you out your hospital room door where there was a wheelchair waiting for you. she gently lowered you down into it and turned to the boys.

“no heavy lifting for a few weeks and she may need help with things like showering, changing, or getting up from lying down or sitting. i would suggest keeping her in bed for a few days or at least until the bruising and swelling has gone down.”

she continued to go through precautions regarding your health, including keeping you away from bright lights and loud sounds to prevent your headaches from getting worse. she seemed skeptical as chan declined setting up a follow up appointment for you to come back and be checked again, but she eventually let it go. she waved you goodbye as chan wheel you down the hallway and out of the building. he, jeongin, hyunjin, and jisung waited with you as felix went to pull the car up for you.

you couldn’t help but feel worried and confused as jisung continued to ignore you. he hadn’t said a single word to you since you’d woken up.

felix pulled up and hyunjin opened the car door as he and chan carefully lifted you into a seat. chan returned the wheelchair back to the hospital and hyunjin climbed in beside you.

it was obvious he felt guilty about leaving you in the building when he himself had gotten out without a scratch.

the drive home was relatively quiet. you started out the window while hyunjin held your hand in his.

felix was careful to stop the car slowly as not to hurt you when he parked at the mansion. chan and hyunjin helped you out of the car just as they had helped you in a few minutes before and they walked slowly with you to the door and to your room where hyunjin softly layer you down on your bed.

chan left to inform the others that you were home and doing well, leaving you alone with hyunjin.

he pulled your desk chair next to your bed, taking your hand in his again.

it was hard to be upset that jisung wasn’t the one sitting there with you when hyunjin was such a sweet and loving caregiver.

“did we at least get the building good?”

hyunjin laughed, “we did. took out the whole foundation and police investigating found traces of drugs among the debris, so the corporation is being investigated.”

you nodded with a smile, “hell yeah.”

you weren’t left alone for the next few days. at least one person was always with you in case you needed something. more often than not, that person was hyunjin. chan tried to be with you as much as possible, but he had things to deal with as the leader.

jisung had yet to visit you by himself even once in the days you had been on bed rest.

you were absentmindedly playing a game on your phone and talking to hyunjin when jisung and minho softly knocked at your door before stepping in.

“hey there,” minho smiled, handing you a plate of food, “don’t tell chan but i snuck you an extra pudding.”

you thanked him and he and jisung turned to leave the room, but you stopped them.

“sung?”

he turned around, shocked that you’d called for him.

“yes?”

“can i talk to you?”

he nodded and hyunjin took that as his cue to follow minho out of the door, leaving you alone with jisung. he had been just as focused, if not more, on the fact that jisung had been avoiding you.

he sat down where hyunjin had previously been but made no move to reach for your hand comfortingly like your gotten accustomed to hyunjin doing.

“why haven’t you visited?”

“i have been.”

“no,” you tried to sit up a bit, wincing when pain shot through your body. jisung instinctively reached out to help you, but he pulled his hands away the second you were secure and leaning against your backboard. “you haven’t. everyone but you has spent time with me. you haven’t even said a word.”

when he didn’t speak, you continued, “what’s wrong?”

you reached out for his hand, shocked when he jerked it away. he stood up abruptly, “i’m not required to visit you, y/n, it’s not like i’m your boyfriend.”

you frowned, where was this coming from?

“yeah jisung, you kind of are.”

he shook his head and you were too clouded by confusion and frustration to notice the tears building up in his eyes, “we’re coworkers, y/n. nothing more.”

really? because the way he held you at night and kissed you and told you you were the most gorgeous person he’d ever seen said different.

he didn’t give you a chance to respond, immediately leaving your room. the second he was out the door, hyunjin was stepping back in. he rushed over to you and wiped a tear that you hadn’t even realized was there from your cheek.

“hey, what happened? jisung looked upset.”

you shrugged, “i think we just broke up.” you let out a dry laugh.

or not. he seemed sure that there wasn’t anything to break in the first place.

you missed the hint of happiness in hyunjins eyes hidden behind his sympathetic expression.

he sat on the edge of your bed, pulling you into a gentle hug, careful not to hurt you.

“i’m so sorry, y/n.”

he meant it. he felt for you, he understood how much it hurts. he understood how badly it hurts to have someone you care for blatantly ignore you like that.

still, though, jisung putting you through that pain might end the same hurt for hyunjin.

maybe now you would let yourself see him.

jisung didn’t come in your room for the remainder of your healing process, not even to drop of meals with minho. he didn’t try to see you while you tried desperately to shove down the want to see him.

it was your first day up and you were struggling to get down the steps and to the kitchen as you clung onto hyunjin, who was supporting you.

it wasn’t so much that the injuries were still that bad, it was just that your muscles weren’t used to being used. even with that, you probably didn’t need all of the help hyunjin was offering, but you didn’t want to decline it, either.

he helped you to your seat around the big dining table, pulling the chair out for you and gently helping you sit. you mentally thanked him as he slid into the seat beside you, the one jisung usually sat in.

it had been about a week since the whole thing, and today would be your first time seeing him since then. he couldn’t avoid you anymore, and you didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.

jisung took a step into the kitchen and his eyes went right to you.

definitely bad.

hyunjin placed his hand over yours, redirecting your attention back to him. you smiled, he was good at keeping your mind off of jisung.

chan wanted to have a group breakfast all together to welcome you back from bed rest. you knew he meant well, but you would have preferred not to have to sit at the same table as jisung for an hour.

did the news get around? probably not. why would he have told people about the break up if he didn’t see it as the end of a relationship?

well, if the news hadn’t already been spread, everyone definitely knew something was going on by the end of the meal. jisung had spoke and engaged in conversation, but not a single word he spoke was directed at you.

you let felix take your plate when you finished and slowly moved to stand up from your seat. hyunjin widened his eyes in surprise and moved to help you, causing you to laugh.

“i got it, jinnie.”

you didn’t notice jisung cringe at the nickname. why would you? you had no reason to look in his direction if he wasn’t going to look in yours.

hyunjin let you stand by yourself, but he kept his hands out and ready to help you if you needed it. you stood and smiled at him. he smiled back, giving a few claps to congratulate your progress.

you were surprised how much easier it was to get around once you got past the initial shock of using your muscles again for the first time in a while. you were able to walk to the lounge and sit down on the couch without help.

hyunjin sat down right next to you and you chuckled.

“i’m okay, you don’t need to stay with me anymore.”

he frowned, “i’m not doing it because i feel bad.” he shrugged, “or only because i feel bad.”

he blamed himself for leaving you in the building, even though he did exactly what he was supposed to and you ended up fine.

“i’m doing it because i like spending time with you.”

if he had said the same words any time before your accident, before you and jisung ended whatever it was you had, you wouldn’t be blushing the way you were. but for some reason, you heard his words differently now.

it was his turn to choose a movie. the two of you had been watching a lot of movies since you’d been stuck in bed, and you always alternated who got to choose. not that it was a big deal, you had similar tastes.

the day wasn’t spent much differently than it would have been if you were still stuck in bed, other than you being able to actually eat meals with the others and sit in the living room instead of cuddled next to hyunjin in your small bed while watching movies.

the sun was set already and many of the boys had gone to sleep, but you and hyunjin wanted to finish the hundredth, (not really, but it felt like it), movie of the day.

throughout the day, some of the others had came and watched whatever was playing with you and hyunjin. felix complained about you two taking up the biggest television in the house, which he liked to use for gaming.

now, though, you two were alone.

the credits began to roll and you went to sit up, hyunjin immediately wrapping his arms around you to help.

you chuckled at him, “you don’t need to baby me so much.”

he pouted, his arms still around you, “but you’re my baby.”

his words were nothing out of the ordinary, all of the boys babied you and jeongin. still, his close proximity and the way his eyes locked with yours and the confusion and frustration inside of you caused you to process it differently.

apparently he did, too. before you knew it, he had his lips on yours as he snaked his hands across your body, careful not to hurt you.

you felt his hand run down your body and to your ass, giving it a small squeeze.

he maneuvered you into his lap, and for the first time since you’d woken up days before, he didn’t do it as if harsh movements would break you.

you liked it.

you straddled his waist, hands combing through his hair. he let out a whine as you took a fistful of his hair and tugged his head back, exposing his neck to you.

you trailed your tongue along the sensitive skin, the heat in you building with every soft sound he let out. you bit down on a specific spot and he let out a sound that made you think maybe you’d hurt him, but before you could ask, he was begging you to do it again.

so you did. you peppered kisses and bruises along his neck, unconsciously grinding your hips down against his.

he hissed, fingers digging into your waist has he stilled your movements.

“knock it off.”

a smirk played at your lips as you removed yourself from his neck and looked him straight in the eyes, going exactly against his words and rolling your core against his clothed crotch.

“or what, prince?”

with that, he had you off of his lap and your back pressed against the seat of the couch.

he kissed you roughly, and you let him. you moaned into his mouth as his tongue danced with yours. he tasted like lust and craving.

his hands crawled along your body, reaching under your shirt and trailing up your bare stomach.

“or i won’t be able to hold myself back from fucking you so hard you forget everything but my name.”

his words sent a rush through you, and at that moment, you couldn’t think of anything you wanted more than what he was offering.

you slipped a hand between your bodies and groped his clothed bulge, “then do it.”

practically growling, he slipped a hand to the small of your back and held you up to allow your shirt to slip over your shoulders. he brought a hand to your breast, cupping it and attaching his lips to the top of it, sucking a deep purple hickey onto the soft flesh.

you let him have his fun, let him admire your body and paint it full of his marks, before you decided it was your turn again.

you placed your palms flat against his chest and pushed him away from you. he looked confused at first, but you saw excitement flash in his eyes as you continued to push him back until it was his back to the cushions, him underneath you.

you rolled your hips against his as you leaned down and whispered in his ear, breath grazing the skin of his neck, causing his breath to catch.

you grabbed a hold of his hands, bringing them to cup your chest over your bra.

“tell me, baby,” another roll of your hips, another sweet sound from his lips, “have you ever thought of me before?”

his answer came almost before you finished speaking, “yes.”

you hummed, “when?”

he swallowed hard, “all the time. especially when...” he trailed off.

you hovered your lips above his, “especially when what, hyunjin?”

he let out a shaky breath before responding, and his voice sounded almost ashamed, “especially when i could hear you and jisung.”

you ignored the sting in your heart at the name and smirked against his lips, “did you listen a lot, hm?”

he nodded and you raised yourself so you were sitting up, guiding his hand behind you and to the strap of your bra. he got the hint, fumbling to undo the clasp.

he groaned as the garment fell, exposing your breasts.

“you like to listen?”

he nodded, eyes trained on your chest.

you paused your words for a moment to guide his hands once again to your boobs, whispering to him that he was allowed to touch you.

you continued, “what did you do when you listened, hyunjin?”

his breath caught in his throat as you trailed your hand down his chest, pushing up the shirt that he regretfully still had on and slipping your hand past the waste band of his sweatpants and under his boxers.

“did you touch yourself,” you squeezed his hard member, “here?”

he nodded, too far lost in his fantasy coming true to provide a verbal response.

he made a sound of protest as you removed your hand from his pants, depriving him of the touch he so desperately wanted.

you chuckled darkly at the whine, “what a little bitch.”

that seemed to snap him out of his daze as he flipped your positions so he was once again on top, hissing his words out.

“what did you call me?”

you ignored the growing pool of wetness between your thighs, “a little bitch.”

“yeah?” he attached his lips harshly back to yours, speaking between rough kisses, “i’ll show you who here is a little bitch, y/n.” he broke the kiss to lock his eyes with yours, “and it’s not me.”

he disconnected from you for a moment to slip his shirt over his shoulders, and you couldn’t even be upset with him for stealing back control. not when he gave you such a good view from beneath him.

he stepped back, gripping your thighs and pulling you to the edge of the couch as he kneeled in front of it. he tugged your own sweats and underwear down your legs, allowing you to kick them off before he took his spot between your thighs.

he placed wet, open mouth kisses to your thighs, drawing nearer to your aching core with each one.

“god, having to hear you with jisung all the time really got to me.” he practically moaned out the words, “you sound so hot moaning for him. but i think it��ll be even better when it’s my name.”

with that, he attached his lips finally to where you’d been waiting for him.

you couldn’t hold back a moan from ripping through your throat as he sucked harshly at your clit.

not only had it been a while since you’d done anything because of your injuries, so you were sensitive, plus hyunjin was insanely good at what he was doing.

he pulled away for a moment, a string of saliva and your arousal connecting from his chin to your core, “you taste so good, baby.”

he went back in, this time slipping two fingers into you easily with how wet you were.

a hand flew to your mouth to cover the obscenely loud moan that fell past your lips, but you let it fall. the mansion was big and no ones room was that close to the lounge, it should be fine. you could be as loud as you wanted.

and with the way hyunjin curled his fingers perfectly inside of you, god, were you going to be loud.

with his skills, it wasn’t long before you had your thighs tightening around his head and body shaking as the knot inside your stomach came undone.

he worked you hard through your orgasm before standing up and slipping his pants down his legs in one swift potion. your eyes fell to his angry red member and you couldn’t have stopped yourself from staring if you wanted to.

you let him position you however he wanted, which happened to be with your back down to the cushions again, as a thought crossed your mind.

were these feelings real? or were you just grateful for him caring for you while you healed? for taking your mind off of jisung?

it didn’t matter. he obviously wanted to help keep your thoughts off of jisung, and this was definitely doing a great job of that.

you brought your hands to the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss as he began to slowly sink into you.

the stretch was painful, but you liked it. he was much larger than jisung, and he seemed to be better at using what he had.

maybe that last thought was just the anger and frustration speaking, or maybe it was because of the way hyunjin began to fluidly pound into you at the perfect pace, sliding himself against your walls in such a way that you couldn’t have stopped yourself from letting out the sinful sounds from your mouth.

“say my name.”

you didn’t hesitate to comply, “fuck, hyunjin, you feel so good. so, so good.”

he groaned at the sound of his name leaving your mouth as a moan. he pulled out of you for a moment, but you weren’t given time to complain before he had you turned around with your back pressed firmly against his chest and his cock buried deep inside of you once again.

the new angle let him hit places that made your mind spin even faster than it had been before, which you didn’t even know was possible.

his breath grazed your neck and he bit down right on top of one of the marks he’d left earlier.

holding you secure with one hand across yours chest, he snaked the other down your stomach and attached his fingers to your clit.

if it were possible for you to moan any louder, you would have.

with a couple more firm and direct thrusts to your g-spot and one hand working expertly on your clit while the other squeezed your boob harshly, you were coming for the second time that night as his name fell off of your lips.

“oh my god, hyunjin, fuck, you’re so big, so good.”

praises fell freely from your mouth as he carried you through your high. those, mixed with the way his name sounded coming from your mouth and the way you were clenching around him threw him over the edge too.

you whimpered as he fucked you into overstimulation, but praises and a chorus of his name kept falling from your mouth.

you couldn’t stop telling him how good he was, how good he felt. he deserved to know.

you swore you could have came again just from the feeling of him filling you up with his cum, fucking it deep inside of you.

he pulled out, a mix of your and his cum slipping out of your hole along with his cock,

he groaned at the sight, and if you hadn’t looked so worn out from your aching body and the ride he’d just given you, he would have fucked it back into you and made sure it stayed.

instead, he stood and shoved his cock, which was already growing hard again thanks to the sight in front of him, into his underwear.

you barely even registered that he had left the room before he was back and maneuvering you so he could clean you up.

you whined at the warm cloth against your core.

“please, hyunjin...”

he chuckled, “we’re done for tonight angel, i’m just cleaning you up.”

you whined again in response, and you didn’t really know if it was because of the feeling of the cloth against your core or as a protest to hyunjins statement that it was over.

“baby,” he spoke softly, “you gotta use the bathroom.”

you groaned, this time from annoyance and not pleasure.

he laughed, “i know, but i don’t want you to get sick.”

you reached your arms out to him, “then carry me.”

he chuckled again, but he did as you requested. he picked you up bridal style, careful as always not to hurt you, and carried you to the bathroom.

he let you do your business as he went back to pick up the clothes you two had left scattered on the lounge floor, you wouldn’t want anyone stepping in there in the morning to find that surprise.

he returned, and after you arguing that you didn’t want to shower or bath, you just wanted to go to bed, he carried you to his room and crawled in next to you.

you buried your head in his chest, and in that split second before you fell asleep, you felt safe and in jisungs arms.

you sat at breakfast the next morning in a comfy pair of sweats and a tank top that hyunjin had gotten for you from your room. part of you wished he had gotten you a sweatshirt, or at least something at covered all of the marks he’d left along your neck and collar bones, but the other part, whether you were conscious of it or not, wanted jisung to see them.

breakfast was going find until chan asked how you were feeling.

you pouted, “sore.”

jisung scoffed from the other side of the table. you wanted to ignore it, but something in you wouldn’t.

“what?”

he looked up from his food, surprised that you had called him out. he just stared at you, waiting for you to elaborate further.

when you didn’t, he set his fork down, eyes avoiding yours.

“come on,” he shrugged, “you can’t be that sore.”

you frowned, “what do you mean?”

his eyes flashed to hyunjins, who held his gaze.

“you can’t be in that much pain if you let him fuck you like that.”

you nearly choked on your food at the bold statement.

it wasn’t like the boys, even chan, didn’t know you were sexually active, but bringing it up at the dinner table?

some of the other boys stuttered to, apparently the lounge had been far enough from some rooms, and not others. or maybe he just got the point from the hickeys littered across both your and hyunjins bodies.

you quickly regained composure, staring at him as if you were challenging him. before you could speak, hyunjin cut in.

“maybe that’s why she’s sore.”

jisung let out an unamused laugh, “don’t act like that.”

“like what?” you questioned, eyes still locked on him.

“like he owns you. like you’re his whore. like-“

chan stood up, hands coming down harshly on the table.

“okay,” he drew the word out, “let’s all finish breakfast on our own, yeah?”

everyone around the table nodded and hurried off, eager to get away from the awkward atmosphere, but hyunjin and jisung stuck around with you.

hyunjin spoke, “i’ve been around a lot fucking longer than you, han. you have no clue what happened before your sorry ass was accepted into this house.”

it was bullshit, hyunjin knew that the previous night was the first of anything to happen between the two of you, and jisung probably knew that too, but he was just speaking from anger and jealousy.

“so, what?” jisung laughed, “she was with you, i came along and she ditched you, and the second i walk away she goes crawling back to you?”

you expected hyunjin to blow. you forgot he was a skilled liar.

he smirked at jisung, “who says she ever left me? i’ve got plenty of ways to make her mine without putting my marks on her, han.” he reached over, fingers brushing over the marks he’d left the night before, “even when she was wearing your paintings, she wasn’t yours.”

hyunjin grabbed your hand to pull you away and you stole one last glance at jisung. you could have sworn you saw something, guilt or sadness, flash across his features.

chan decided to keep the rest of the meals for the day independent, too. he would rather arguments be settled alone instead of at the dinner table, especially arguments revolving around his little sister and who was fucking her.

the next morning, breakfast was held as normal, but jisung didn’t show up. you assumed by the way no one mentioned it that chan had given him permission to eat his meals alone until things calmed down.

along with no one mentioning jisungs absence, no one mentioned the fight from the previous day or the apparent relationship between you and hyunjin.

it was like that for the next few days. meals were normal, minus jisung not being there, and days were filled with hanging out with hyunjin, whatever that may include.

you felt bad in some ways, he had been missing out on missions, which meant missing out on pay, in order to stay with you. he insisted he didn’t mind, and you knew he meant it.

plus, it’s not like he wasn’t getting any payment. chan still gave you and him your weekly allowances. it came with being part of the family.

things seemed to be calming down and you were getting used to hyunjin being the one who held your hand and kissed you goodnight. you still thought of jisung often, obviously, feelings don’t go away that quickly. but it was getting easier and every time you kissed hyunjin, it felt a little bit more genuine. you’d even continued sleeping in his bed with him, even now that you could get around fine by yourself.

you slowly lifted yourself off of his bed, careful not to wake him, and made your way to the kitchen for a glass of water.

you frowned as you noticed the light already on and voices coming from the kitchen.

you paused in the hallway to listen. it wasn’t that you wanted to eavesdrop, it’s just that if it had sounded important you would have went back to hyunjins room instead of interrupting.

“everyone gets weekly pay no matter what, jisung.”

it was chans voice.

“yeah, i know.” you recognized jisungs voice as he replied, “i just think it’s funny that you’re paying him to stay home and fuck your little sister.”

you heard chan sigh, “everyone is allowed breaks from missions, regardless of the reason.”

jisung started to argue again but your brother cut him off, “this isn’t a work issue, jisung. this is a personal issue between you, y/n, and hyunjin. hyunjin, who, by the way, you’re losing her more and more to every single day you sit here bitching to me about being in love with her instead of doing something about it.”

there was a pause before jisungs voice broke it, “i never said i was in love with her.”

“you didn’t have to.”

you decided that the conversation was important enough for you to ditch the idea of getting a glass of water and hurry back up to hyunjins room.

he groaned and shifted as your weight was added to the bed. he reached out towards you, pulling you close.

he mumbled through his sleepy state, “where’d you go?”

“i was thirsty.”

he hummed, falling back asleep almost right away.

you, however, didn’t shut your eyes for the rest of the night. you sat there in hyunjins arms thinking about jisung.

if he still liked you why did he end it? it didn’t make sense. who was he to break up with you and then get mad at you for moving on?

so there, secure in hyunjins arms, you spent the night staring at the sealing and trying to block out the thoughts that kept wishing they were jisungs.

you pouted as hyunjin packed a bag to go on an overnight trip. he was finally back to going on missions, but chan still wouldn’t clear you yet.

even if hyunjin had wanted to stay home from this mission, he was needed. it required skill and spy work that none of the other boys had, and it wasn’t something they could just choose not to do.

you followed hyunjin to the front of the house. you met only chan standing there, waiting for hyunjin.

“where are the others?”

chan gestured outside, “in the car already.”

you nodded, turning to hyunjin and giving him a kiss before he and chan walked out the door, pulling it shut behind them.

you sighed as you made your way to the lounge. watching movies wasn’t the same when you didn’t have a cuddle buddy.

you weren’t allowed to go on missions and hyunjin had to go on this one, meaning you were left alone.

or so you thought.

about half way through the movie, it started to sink in that you were alone. pouting, you paused the movie and made your way through the house and towards hyunjins room. surely he wouldn’t mind if you stole a hoodie or two while he was gone.

you had a specific hoodie in mind, a black one with some logo on the front. you didn’t really know the brand, you just knew that it was the softest sweatshirt he had.

what you didn’t have in mind was to see jisung leaving his room just as you were about to step into hyunjins.

you turned towards the noise of a door opening, surprised when you were met with jisung. wasn’t he supposed to be on the mission? chan had failed to mention that just because hyunjin was required on this mission, that didn’t mean it was an all hands on deck type of thing. who else was still home?

he scanned you and looked at where you were headed before scoffing.

“you don’t have to keep pretending. he’s not here.”

you frowned, “i’m not pretending anything, jisung.”

you took a step into hyunjins room, not expecting jisung to follow. he watched as you dug through the closet for that one specific hoodie.

“right.”

you couldn’t find it anywhere.

“you’re suddenly in love with him when i break things off.”

maybe he’d taken it with him on the mission?

you glanced back at jisung, playing into the lie hyunjin had started days prior, “suddenly? nothing was sudden.”

he must have brought it with him. or maybe it was in the laundry? you wouldn’t mind that, it would only smell more like him. you moved across the room to his laundry basket.

ignoring your comment, jisung replied, “what are you looking for?”

offhandedly as you searched through hyunjins basket you responded, “a certain sweatshirt.”

he took a step closer to you, “want one of mine?” the question sounded more like a plea.

your eyes snapped up to his, what game was he playing?

you hated how badly you wanted to say yes.

your eyes narrowed in a glare, “i don’t want anything of yours anymore.”

lie.

“i’m over you, jisung.”

lie.

“i wish you’d just leave me alone.”

lie

“i’m happy with hyunjin.”

as much as you wanted it to be the truth, it was a lie.

and he knew it.

“y/n,” you took a step away from him when he took one closer to you, “please.”

his tone went from jealous and spiteful to begging, almost pitiful.

“can we just talk?”

you scoffed, remembering the words he’d said to you when you made the same request weeks earlier.

“there isn’t anything to talk about, jisung. we’re just coworkers.”

you snatched a random sweatshirt from the laundry and made a move to pass him, but he stepped in front of you, effectively blocking your way. he reached out and took the sweatshirt from your hands, tossing it right back into the laundry.

“y/n, just listen to me.”

you tried to move past him again, but this time he reached out and grabbed your arm to stop you.

you hated how good it felt to be touched by him again.

“when you got caught in the explosion, i was afraid, okay?”

you let your eyes meet his, “of what, jisung?” you pulled your arm from his grip, “i was the one who got fucking blown up!”

instead of raising his voice back, he kept it soft and calm.

“i was so worried that i was going to lose you. i didn’t want to get attached further and then babe you taken from me.” he let out a dry laugh, “and then, seeing you with hyunjin, i realized i’d just given you up.”

he was right. you felt your blood boil, he didn’t even try to fight for you. he ran away like a coward.

“and i’m glad you did.”

his face fell, “you don’t mean that.”

you blinked away the tears building up in your eyes, “yes i do. i’m so happy you ended whatever pathetic excuse for love we had.”

you could practically see his heart shatter.

“y/n, you’re angry, i get that, but-“

you reached out suddenly, pounding your fists against his chest.

“yes, i’m angry! i’m so angry at you, jisung.” you allowed him to grab your wrists and pull you against him into a hug, “i’m so angry. i’m angry at you for breaking my heart. i’m angry at you for keeping me from being happy with hyunjin, and i’m angry with you because no matter how bad i wanna hate you, i can’t.”

he held you close to him, violently aware of the wet spot your tears were leaving on his shirt. the tears that you had because of him.

“i know baby, i know.” he held the back of your head to his chest as you cried into it, “i’m such an idiot. i never should have let you go.”

then he said something you never would have expected, no matter how many times you felt like saying the words to him yourself.

“i love you.”

to say he was relieved when you wrapped your arms around him would be a huge understatement.

you raised your head and looked him in the eyes only to see that he had tears in them as well.

“i love you too.”

he pushed your hair from your face and spoke softly, almost as if he was afraid he would ruin the moment if he made too much noise, “can we try again?”

you smiled up at him and he didn’t miss the sadness laced in it, “if you promise not to break my heart again.”

of course, hyunjin wasn’t happy about the news, but he understood. deep down, he knew you would never feel the same for him as you did jisung. but he didn’t regret the time he spent with you or the words he’d shared.

you didn’t regret it either. although it could be argued that he was just a rebound, he was much more than that to you. he held you and made you feel safe when you needed it most, and although you didn’t love him in the same way you loved jisung, you did love him.

months had passed since you and jisung had reunited, and this time it was official. he showed you off everywhere the two of you went and he used the words girlfriend and boyfriend like they were his favorite things to say. he knew what it felt like to lose you, and he never wanted to feel that way again.

he treated you how he should have from the start, how hyunjin had, and he kept his promise.

he didn’t break your heart ever again.

405 notes · View notes

shoot-the-oneshot · 4 years

Text

Harvard Vs Netflix

Malcolm bright x reader

You were fussing over your hair for probably the tenth time this block, usually you didn’t care but you were going on a double date with your friend and her new fiance, plus it was the first time she’ll meet Malcolm, so you had to look your best.

“Love, you look fine, calm down.”

Malcolm says, gently pulling your hand away from your hair and onto his lap. It also didn’t help that he always wore a suit, and looked damn good in them. You never saw him an anything else until you moved in with him. Shooting the ex FBI agent an exasperated look.

“Surely you know that wasn’t the best thing to say right now, being a profiler and all?”

Chuckling he lifts your hand to place many soft kisses to the back in apology.

“You’re right, I should’ve told you how beautiful you always look, now being no exception.”

“Plus aren’t you excited?”

Smiling you slide closer, tucking yourself under his arm resting your head on his chest as you sigh. You were excited, but couldn’t get past this weird feeling in your chest.

“I am, it’s just...her fiancé Ty,”

Feeling him move to get a better look at your expression, trying to figure out what you meant so you didn’t have to say it if you didn’t want to. You know if he saw something he didn’t like on your face as you spoke of the other man he would tell the driver to turn around, he always wanted you to be comfortable even around his family, he never seemed to calm down until you both were alone.

“There’s something off, and I can’t ask her about it or she will think it’s payback for what she said about you when we started dating.”

“What did she say about me!”

Luckily before you had to answer the car stopped outside the restaurant.

Some restaurant in Manhattan that had a dark lit romantic theme but was still classy.

After Malcolm held the door open for you, you saw Natalie sitting alone and rushed to hug her.

“You’re here!”

She squeals when she sees you, Malcolm trailing behind, hands stuffed in his expensive suit pants pockets.

“Of course we are, but where’s Ty?”

You asked sitting in the seat Malcolm pulled out for you after you introduced them both.

Reading the sheepish look on her face you could figure out what was up.

“He’s running late, he will be here soon.”

That’s what she always said. You all spend the next thirty minutes catching up and explaining old stories of the trouble you both got into as kids to Malcolm, when Ty walks in. Giving you a quick awkward hug, he knew you didn’t like him you made it clear after the fifth time he stood her up. He shook Malcolms hand and gave Natalie a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Sorry I’m late got caught up at work.”

Malcolm smirked at your eye roll, it was odd for him to see you like this, normally you were the nicest person clearly you didn’t like Ty, he just had to find out why, should be easy enough.

“What do you do?”

It was a simple question, if Malcolm wasn’t the one to ask but you knew he’d be looking for anything Ty would give up. You already had suspicions hopefully He will come to the same conclusion.

“Uh, real-estate, you?”

“I’m a consultant for the NYPD, a profiler to be exact.”

“He used to be FBI isn’t that cool!”

Natalie said squeezing Tys shoulder as she bragged to her fiancé about your boyfriends past career. At least he looked flustered knowing that Malcolm figures out serial killers thoughts for fun.

“Isn’t it a little late for real estate?”

“Y/n!”

“No Nat, it’s okay. Well Y/n in real estate I have to stage houses in order to sell them. That’s what I was doing.”

Giving an innocent shrug as she yells at you. That smug punk, he was testing you, seeing how far you would go you knew that but if you were going down so was he.

“Oh yeah did you use perfume to stage the house? because you smell absolutely floral.”

Before you could laugh at he wide eyes and the fact he choked on his drink, your boyfriends phone rang. He could feel your glare, one because you asked him to mute it during dinners, two because it ruined the moment you finally had of Ty for once not having some degrading come back.

Quietly speaking over the phone, judging by the annoyance all over his face it was his mother. Rather then third wheeling you followed him outside, when he was just hanging up.

“I’m sorry love,-“

You cut him off before he could finish, any other time you would be irritated but this time, it gave you an escape.

“Yeah yeah it’s fine. What did you think of Ty?”

“You don’t like it when I profile your friends.”

Raising his eyebrows, looking over your face as if it was a trick.

“Ty is not my friend! And I said I don’t like when you profile me! I know the guy is cheating do you agree?”

“He was acting odd and gave clear signals of deception and did smell very floral yes.”

“Well he wasn’t wearing his ring and there’s a pink lipstick mark behind his ear, did you see how nervous he got when he found out what you did!”

He’s only her fiancé but she wanted them both to have engagement rings. And of course he probably lost his ‘staging a house’

“How’d you catch that? I didn’t even see that!”

Malcolm asked, sounding astounded. Sure he went to some fancy school but you learned naturally, which is something he forgets. You could read people almost as well as he could and have made many jokes about it.

“Yeah, guess Netflix taught more than Harvard babe.”

You winked, leading him back to the restaurant.

The following week you were both having a game night with Ainsley and Mitch the new guy she was seeing. You started with monopoly, then charades which you and Malcolm killed at. Now it was 21, the boys either folded or busted, it was down to you and Ainsley,

“I’m all in.”

She says, her lip twitching. An untrained eye wouldn’t have caught it, but you call her bluff and go all in too. And you were right to do so. Yelling in excitement as you flip your cards.

“Dang it, it’s like playing with Malcolm!”

She shouted, a smile on both of your faces. The boys came to see who won, although Malcolm already knew. You were the only person he couldn’t beat at cards.

“She’s not exactly like me, she reads expressions and body language I read behaviors.”

Malcolm over explained. You found it cute but the other couple looked lost.

“Why don’t we make this fun? We all go against Y/n, two truths and a lie see if she can find the lies.”

Mitch suggest, leaning comfortably on the couch next to Ainsley. Malcolm sitting straight up next to you his hand resting on your hip. Looking mildly intrigued and quickly agreed. Mitch practically lunges to the ottoman in front of you.

“Okay! So..when I was sixteen I stole a car,

I secretly dated my best friends sister,

And I had a dog named Shakespeare.”

He quickly rattled off, the other two in the room watching us like hawks. I already knew about the car from when Malcolm made Gil run a background check. the second one looked like a truth but there was a hint of head tilt when he said ‘dated’

“You didn’t date her, you just slept together.”

It was crickets waiting for his response, he stares frozen until his eyes widen and jaw drops.

“Holy crap she’s good!”

“She was right?”

“Shakespeare, really?”

You and Malcolm shouted simultaneously.

He was equally surprised and impressed. He couldn’t figure out which was the lie. And yet you did and then some. He was proud but couldn’t stand you were that good at something you learned from a Netflix series.

“Move over, my turn!”

Ainsley now sat in Mitchs place. You noticed her foot tapping as she thought of what to say.

“I took ballet classes when I was 8, I wore a dress worth over a thousand dollars to prom and spilled punch all over it........and I over heard mom and dad talking about the girl in the box.”

Malcolms hand tightened on your thigh, you could feel his breath catch in his chest. She was trying to throw you off by playing with his emotions, it would’ve worked if she wasn’t so predictable. But it was a low blow that sadly didn’t surprise you.

“You didn’t spill the punch and you don’t know anything about the box.”

He relaxed once she nodded her head, And apologized to her brother. You could see the interest in her eyes as she asked question after question. One of them being what was beneficial with my little ‘gift’.

“Well I always know who’s lying before they open their mouth, plus knowing the signs of deception means you can manipulate them, which is why I can lie to your brother.”

Winking to your boyfriend during your last sentence. It was true you were amazing at lying, you never used it but no one ever knew about surprises you were planing.

“I’ll admit I’m impressed, but you definitely couldn’t lie to me I’d know.”

“Oh yeah? Looks like it my turn this time.”

Now facing Malcolm, you tucking you knee underneath you to appear more relaxed, you’d be more believable that way. He nodded for you to start. You grew up hearing the quote, don’t start a fight but once you’re in one win it. So if you had to pull a play from Ainsleys play book you would. You just won’t use something that traumatic. Keeping your shoulders loose and your breathing even.

“I used to own a classic car, I’ve never felt about anyone the way I do you, I cheated on you when you were in this hospital with the snake bite.”

Since you were telling the truth your expressions matched with the lie. But you knew Malcolm would be looking for forced reactions. Since you know what to look for in other people you could fake those same triggers, or hide them. He appeared calm as you spoke but the longer you stayed silent the more tense he got. While you were telling the lie you added extra detail, giving him more to analyze over the vague truths. Plus no one wants to believe someone they loved cheated on them.

“I don’t know.”

Malcolm sighed heavily, not only in defeat but confusion. He hated to think you did that to him, but he always thought that you deserved better, maybe you did too. Not being able to stand the pain in his eyes you explained.

“The car I had was a mustang, you’re the only man I’ve ever said I love you to, You mean to much to me I’d never cheat on you.”

Sliding closer with every sentence until you were practically in his lap as you finished. You could feel the stress leave his body, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and kissing your head.

Later that night you were curled up together in bed, his fingers lightly trailing up and down your arm staring at the ceiling.

“That was a stupid game.”

Softly laughing at his words, playing with the neckline of his grey shirt he sleeps in as you agreed.

“It was, but at least I got to show you my mad skills, I could take your job one day.”

You joke, successfully making him laugh and loosen up.

“It you, I’m always amazed by you. Showing off or not.

#malcolm bright x reader #malcolm whitly imagine #malcolm bright imagine #prodigal son imagine #malcolm imagine

234 notes · View notes

authorlmfletcher · 3 years

Text

Merry Christmas @csulliven ! I’m your secret santa for @mlsecretsanta ^_^ Hope you enjoy it!

Also on Ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28383465

----------------------------------------------------------

Snow in Paris. How romantic.

Adrien sighed as he watched the large snowflakes falling softly from his bedroom windows, secretly wishing that he was sitting on a rooftop somewhere with Ladybug. An image of her rosy red cheeks in the cold air, dark hair covered in white as she laughed made him smile.

“Ready, Plagg? Time for patrol.”

His kwami grunted noncommittally, tossing back an extra piece of camembert before Adrien called him into the ring. Chat Noir pushed himself out the window almost before he was fully changed, black suit melting over his body in a familiar and comforting feeling.

From the rooftops, he watched children dancing in the streets with arms outstretched to greet the snow. Strings of lights draped over trees and over buildings, creating a warm and magical glow to the night sky. A few windows showcased trees twinkling with lights. It was perfectly wonderful, and all Chat could feel was empty.

Christmas always hit him the hardest, the memories of his mother’s smile, joy, and laughter at this time of year flooding his thoughts everywhere he looked. He missed her so much. While usually he could keep the swirl of emotions under control, the holidays pulled them so close to the surface that nothing he tried could tamper them down. At least this year he wouldn’t let himself fall into the same angst-fuelled stomp around Paris from the year before.

Reaching their meeting point, Chat Noir flopped onto the rooftop, sitting with his legs dangling over the edge. He couldn’t help the curl in his back nor the soft frown on his face as he watched a young family walking down the street, each parent holding one hand of their child in the middle, swinging him high into the air as he screeched with joy.

He missed those days.

------------------------

Snow in Paris. Crap.

Marinette’s feet slipped out from underneath her as she stepped out onto her balcony, a soft squeak escaping her lips as she frantically waved her arms to regain her balance. Tikki chuckled softly behind her. Marinette shot her kwami an unamused look.

“You’ll be fine. Go - Chat will be waiting.”

A quick set of words transformed Marinette in a brilliant flash of pink, a spotted suit appearing on her skin before she launched herself off her railing to yo-yo over the rooftops to their designated meeting spot.

Trying not to slip as she landed on their rooftop, she noted the unusually despondent position of Chat’s body.

“Hey Chat,” she called out. He turned and gave her a muted smile.

“Hey.”

That wasn’t her usual exuberant kitty. Deciding that patrol could wait, she plopped herself down beside her partner and gave him a good long stare, trying to telepathically discover what exactly was making him so sad. No answers came to her.

“What’s wrong, kitty?”

His hesitation to answer gave away a lot. Civilian issues, she realized. Something that mattered enough that he actually let it bother him when he was in his super suit. That worried her a little.

“I - “ he shifted his eyes to peek at her, “I’m just finding the Christmas season hard. It’s all bright, and cheerful, and beautiful, but - it’s not like that for me.”

Ladybug blinked, trying to process. Christmas always made her happy. The colours of the lights. The smells of fresh baked cookies. The snuggles on the couch watching a movie together with her parents. The excitement of homemade gifts. This was her favourite season! But, Chat - obviously it wasn’t the same.

“Oh,” was all she could think of to say, her brain already slipping into planning mode. Something had to be done. No one should be unhappy at the happiest season of the year! She looked around the view of Paris, pieces of an idea popping into place in a typically Marinette/Ladybug fashion.

“I have an idea.”

Chat looked at her startled when she got to her feet.

“An idea for what?”

“An idea for you. Come on. Follow me.” And then she was swinging across Paris. It took longer than she expected to arrive at her destination - a large building built like a square. Landing on the rooftop, she turned to find Chat close behind, a confused look on his face.

“What are we doing here?” he asked.

“Look,” she replied. A simple gesture brought his attention to the ice track laid out on the top of the building in a long path. “Transform to ice.”

He gave her a startled look, shocked as she gulped down one of her power up macrons. Fumbling through his pockets, he followed her lead.

“What are we doing?” he asked again. She just laughed, grabbing his hand and dragging him onto the ice.

“Come on. I think you just need some fun.”

She had to admit that the sheer look of surprise on his face was worth it. It took a few laps around the icy path before his usual boyish grin took over and he started to show off with spins and acrobatic displays. It felt like hours later when they both collapsed onto a bench with tired legs and hearts full of laughter. Ladybug felt thankful that her little plan had worked. She never wanted to see that hollow look on his face ever again.

“Thank you, Ladybug,” he said softly, dropping his ice transformation with a sigh. “I needed that. Christmas season is just … hard for me. It makes me think of someone I miss a lot.” Throwing his head back, he stared at the sky a moment before grabbing her hand for his trademarked knuckle kiss.

“Anyway, thank you for the special evening. I should probably get going - I have a crazy day tomorrow and need to get some sleep.”

Still on the bench, she watched him vault away. Detransforming, she sat there for longer with Tikki as the little kwami chomped away at a cookie.

“Oh, Tikki. I wish I knew more about Chat Noir. Who could he miss so much that he gets that sad over the holidays?”

Tikki simply chewed, not answering. Marinette sighed. “I know. I just wish I could do something to make Christmas special and happy for him instead.”

It took all of 5 minutes for a massive, crazy, totally insane idea to come together. Changing back to Ladybug, she swung home, brain whirling with plans, knowing there was little chance of sleep for her creative self yet again.

-----

Hands fussed with his hair. Others pulled at his clothes. Voices barked out orders as people raced around, moving props and backgrounds. The chaos of a photoshoot never got easier. The sooner he could get through these “fake happiness” last minute winter shoots, mostly for social media, the better. The head photographer shouted him in place - telling me which way to stand or sit, what to hold, how to pose, what face to wear. His body and expressions moved on auto-pilot. His thoughts wandered to the memories of the skating he’d done with Ladybug the night before. She understood him in a way that no one else likely ever would - able to read his REAL body expressions.

“Adrien Agreste, get your head out of the clouds and down here onto the fake snow,” someone snapped, pulling his full attention back to the business at hand.

The day promised to be one of chaos. Early photoshoot, obligatory fitness workout, rehearsal for a big presentation at an upcoming Christmas charity event, guest appearance on behalf of his father at two different events, another short photoshoot (outdoors - which sounded uncomfortable), followed by an evening at the 2nd or 3rd Christmas gala of the season. Hopefully there would be time to eat somewhere in there.

Rushing from thing to thing on his schedule, Adrien mused over the busyness. Why did Christmas obligate people to fill their lives with meaningless activities and fake smiles? He would give anything to just sit together with his family and enjoy each other’s company in quietude.

By the time he arrived home from the gala, dressed to the nines in one of his father’s top-line suits, that hollow feeling had returned. The oversized tree sparkling with lights and silver ornaments screamed how fake this holiday season felt - meaningless, impersonal, and just there because of obligation.

He was too tired to do much else, stripping down to slip into some comfortable pajamas and tossing an extra chunk of cheese at his kwami. Briefly, he transformed, mostly to check if there were any messages on his baton.

One unread message.

“Hey Chat, I have this idea. Can we get together tomorrow? Say…. 10pm? The tower?”

He typed back a quick message in agreement, mentally sifting through the day’s schedule, then flopped himself onto his bed with muttered words to transform back into his civilian clothes.

At 9:45pm, Chat Noir burst out of Adrien’s bedroom window and raced over the rooftops. The snow from two days earlier had vanished, leaving things with a slightly damp look. Crisp winter air singed his cheeks, but it felt refreshing after yet another busy day.

Ladybug stood waiting at their usual Eiffel Tower hangout, a large bag slung over her back.

“So, what’s up, LB?” he asked, wondering what exactly she hid in a bag that size.

“Follow me,” she said, jumping away. Whatever hid in the bag rattled as she took off. He hurried to keep up with her as she yo-yoed across the city, landing finally in a small park. She slipped the bag from her back, the rattling (and possible jingle?) sounding out. She unzipped it with deliberate slowness, giving him a grin.

Inside sat decorations.

“What are we -” he cut himself off as she laughed, pulling one of the silver spheres from her trove.

“We’re going to decorate this tree. Together. It’s an important Christmas tradition!”

Suddenly, he realized that he hadn’t even noticed the large evergreen tree in front of them. He must have frozen long enough with his mouth open in surprise that Ladybug had managed to hang 4 or 5 ornaments before asking if he was going to help. Springing into action, he carefully grabbed a ball and placed it onto the tree. A few ornaments later, he found himself wonderously tangled by tinsel with Ladybug laughing hysterically. He could feel his cat ears drooping as he asked for some help getting loose.

When the bag was emptied, they stood side by side admiring their work.

“Perfect.” He had to admit, she was right. They had done a terrific job. And it meant so much more to put together a tree with someone he cared about. Better than the team of professional decorators that Nathalie had hired this year.

“Tomorrow? Same time? Eiffel Tower?”

He had no idea what she planned to do, but he nodded, unable to stop the smile that crept onto his face.

-------------

Everything was ready. Flour. Ginger. Molasses. Sugar. Marinette looked around the bakery kitchen with the feeling that she’d forgotten *something* but time to meet Chat crept closer. Maman and Papa had been more than generous when she had asked to use the kitchen for a couple of nights.

“As long as you don’t touch any of the morning’s baking,” her mother had answered, not needing any other explanation.

“Time to go!” chirped Tikki, wide blue eyes twinkling. “I think he’s going to love this one.”

“I know he will.” Taking one last glance at everything laid out, Marinette transformed and raced to find her partner waiting with anticipation at the tower.

“Follow me.”

She led him back to the bakery with an elaborate explanation of how the owners had graciously let her use their kitchen. From there, Ladybug spent the night helping Chat discover the joys of making a gingerbread house from scratch. Much laughter ensued as flour ended up on faces, ginger sent Chat into sneeze fits, and Ladybug discovered her partner’s lack of skills in a kitchen. By the end of their adventure that stretched early into the morning hours, they had a pair of iced together houses, one more askew than the other.

“Go sleep now, Kitty. We’ll decorate them tomorrow night.” The excited twinkle in his eyes before he escaped made her smile when she finally crashed onto her bed for a few hours of sleep.

The next night consisted of a sugar-fuelled cat boy, happily slapping candies and decorations to his somewhat lopsided gingerbread house. The next, she set up a laptop with a Christmas video on a nearby rooftop with some thick blankets and a thermos of peppermint tea. An afternoon visit to a local library ended up with them sitting in the middle of the children’s section with kids climbing all over them as the librarian read The Grinch and other kids acted it out.

A midnight excursion wandering through Paris, taking in all the amazing light displays led to another spent window shopping well after most Parisians were sleeping. He hadn’t ever really just looked at window displays for their artistic value before.

The following night, all plans were thwarted by the Giftster - an akuma who wrapped everyone up in paper and bows out of spite over a poorly wrapped gift. It took longer than she hoped to defeat the villain,leaving her a little sad that her plan for the night was ruined - the hot chocolate bar she’d put together cold and the whipped cream melted to liquid by the time they arrived.

“It’s still purr-fect, Ladybug. I don’t mind at all. It’s the people we’re with that make the holidays special, not the temperature of the drink.” He poured himself a large mug of cocoa and piled the top full of marshmallows, syrup, and sprinkles.”Delicious.”

---

Adrien’s view of Christmas shifted. The anticipation of Ladybug’s holiday shenanigans brought him more excitement than he had felt for the holidays in a long while. Nothing would ever replace the hole left by his mother’s disappearance, but at least this made him feel hopeful again instead of melancholy. With less than a week left to Christmas, he sat in his class for the last day before the two week break. Marinette lay flopped on her desk, possibly asleep, as Nino and Alya argued the merits of their gift wish lists.

“What about you, Agreste?” Alya snapped, poking Marinette awake with her elbow. “What are you doing this Christmas? Any big plans?”

He shrugged. “Not really.”

“No running off and sending your dad into Christmas Godzilla mode this year, ok?” Nino quipped. Adrien felt himself flush.

“I won’t,” he murmured. “Listen - last year was hard. The first Christmas without my mom, ok? She loved Christmas and it just feels … I don’t know. Christmas season is just … hard for me. I miss her so much.”

Realizing that he was killing their fun conversation, he decided to turn himself around. “But don’t worry! No running off this year. I promise. I’ve actually had a friend from work making sure that Christmas is awesome. We’ve gone ice skating, watched a really fun holiday movie, and we even made these gingerbread houses - from scratch! Even Mother didn’t do that!”

He told them all about the adventures that he’d been having and how special they’d made the holidays become, carefully avoiding any mention of their superhero selves. The more he rambled on about the activities he had been doing late in the nights with Ladybug, the more Marinette’s eyes grew wide. He stopped talking when she let out a strangled sound.

“Are you ok, Marinette?”

She sat frozen, statue-like for a long moment, staring blankly at him. Suddenly she jumped with a yelp, clutching at her side.

“Oh, yep. Yep. Totally good. I’m totally fine. Everything’s fine.” She let out a wild and panicky laugh, blinking rapidly. “I’m good. Are you good? Everyone’s good, right? Ok. I’m just - I’m just - Ms. Bustier? May I be excused to use the bathroom?”

And then she bolted, racing out of the classroom in a gangly, flailing pile of limbs. The whole classroom paused in their conversations for a quiet moment as they stared at the door, then with a universal shrug, returned to what they were doing.

“That was weird,” muttered Alya, frowning. “Even for Marinette.”

-----------

“Just breathe, Marinette. Breathe. In. Out. Innnnnnnn. Ouuuuuuuuuuut. Innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Out.”

From the bathroom stall she hid in, Marinette could hear and see her kwami giving anti-panic attack advice, a blurry red dot floating in front of her face, but she couldn’t process the words being said. Adrien Agreste. Chat Noir. Adrien Agreste? Chat Noir. Nope. It just had to be a coincidence that Adrien’s “friend from work” had taken him on all the same adventures that Ladybug had put together for Chat Noir. Totally a coincidence that Chat missed someone special while Adrien missed his mother. Just coincidence.

Oh crap.

Chat Noir was Adrien Agreste. ADRIEN AGRESTE WAS CHAT NOIR.

She threw up in the toilet.

-------------

Chat couldn’t quite put his finger on what was different that night as they listened from the rooftops to a group of carollers in one of the parks. Ladybug sat a little farther away than she usually did. She didn’t roll her eyes at his jokes or speak much at all. In fact, she didn’t even look him in the eyes.

“Everything ok?” he asked finally, unable to stand the awkwardness any longer. Her head snapped at that, eyes connecting with his for the first time in the night.

“Oh. Yes, sorry. I just found out something about a friend today and it’s been hard to work through, that’s all.” She smiled, but it wasn’t a real smile - her eyes skittering away from him. He frowned.

“Want to talk about it? In generalized terms, I mean.”

She shook her head.

“No. I’d rather just listen to the music, ok?”

“Ok.”

The next evening, with only 2 days left to go before the big holiday arrived, Chat found himself at a local food bank, handing out meals to families whose faces shone with so much gratitude that it made him feel embarrassed to live as he did. Ladybug still seemed preoccupied. He smiled at her every time she tried to stealthily look at him, wondering exactly what was going on behind those brilliant blue eyes.

At the end of their volunteer time, they escaped to the rooftops.

“Are we doing anything special tomorrow?” he asked, wondering if the magical sense of Christmas had worn off for her. “It IS Christmas Eve after all.”

She gave him a look he couldn’t quite define.

“Are you ok, LB? You’ve been really … off for the last day or so.”

He watched as she opened and closed her mouth like a fish for a moment before snapping it shut. She visibly straightened her back.

“It’s nothing big, I promise, but yes - let’s meet at the tower tomorrow?” When he nodded, she flashed him an almost real smile before swinging off into the distance.

Plagg had no ideas, simply focusing on his cheese and musing over whether Adrien had any stocking fillers planned. The kwami tapped suggestively at the pictures in his Gentleman’s Camembert magazine.

Adrien gave up, hoping that whatever bothered Ladybug would be resolved by the time they got together tomorrow.

---------------

Christmas Eve dawned bright and crisp, the cold smell of winter on the air. Marinette did not want to get out of the coziness that her oversized comforter provided. If it hadn’t been for the wail of her akuma alert alarm forcing her to drag herself out of bed, she might not have for the whole day.

The realization that Adrien Agreste - face of perfection and heart of gold - and Chat Noir - jokester and impulsive rogue were the same person had left her rattled. Marinette had needed a few days to process it all, but she was slowly coming to terms with how much it meant to her to discover the boy she deeply cared for was also her best friend.

She swung across the city to find a Grinch-like akuma, green from head to toe with a red hat and coat. With a single touch, the lights and decorations found on the streets of Paris simply vanished. Anyone found in his path transformed into lumps of coal.

“I think he has the wrong city. This isn’t Whoville.” Chat voice chirped happily - sickeningly so, given the early hour of the morning. “Good morning, milady.”

“Morning, kitty.” With a yawn, she searched the akuma for clues where to find their target. “I’m guessing it’s the Santa hat. But we have to keep out of range of his hands. Turning to coal sounds like a terrible way to spend Christmas.”

With a nod, he stood up and extended his baton with a grin. “40 feet.” Then he launched himself off the rooftops to place himself securely in the path of the opponent.

“Hey, is that your resting Grinch face?” he taunted, starting his usual distraction methods. She watched for the briefest of moments as the akuma threw itself at her partner with a growl. If she could just sneak in behind while it was distracted, she could probably pull the hat from his head.

Things never are that easy when fighting akumas. Realizing that a second superhero attempted to stealth attack him, the Grinch whirled around, knocking her to the ground mid-pendulum arch. She hit the ground with a roll, dodging away from the outstretched hand. Chat responded with a careful leap, vaulting himself towards the villain and narrowly missing the hat. Acrobatic flips moved him back out of the way of danger.

A few cheesy puns about the Grinch and being green later, Chat still somehow managed to keep most of the attention on himself while Ladybug attempted another grab for the hat. Failing, the Grinch growled, grabbing onto Chat’s baton and flinging the cat boy into the air. Ladybug watched in horror as her partner landed right in the akuma’s grip, wide-eyed and legs kicking.

Mere seconds felt like hours, a black heaviness overcoming Chat from his toes to his face. She screamed his name, panic clawing at her heart. No. No! Her yo-yo whirred with renewed vigour, calling her Lucky Charm. Into her hands dropped a carefully wrapped, red-polka dotted present with a tag reading “For the Grinch.”

A plan clicked into place.

“Oh, Mr. Grinch. I have something for you.” The akuma dropped the lifeless stone figure of Chat Noir to the pavement with a loud thud, turning its attention instead to her. She thrust the present at him with a smile, which made him stop and cock his head sideways with a frown. If she hadn’t been so focused on where the hands of her opponent were in that moment, she would have started singing. After all, music won the day in the story of the Grinch - hadn’t it?

“Merry Christmas.”

Cautiously, the akuma accepted the gift, settling down on the pavement beside Chat’s coal statue to rip open the paper and see what his gift was. The moment the lid popped free, a brilliant flash of light went off, blinding the akuma long enough for Ladybug to grab the hat and tear it apart. Away fluttered the butterfly, captured a moment later in her yo-yo with a snap. Bubbles enveloped the akumatized victim. In its place sat a confused man.

Grabbing the remaining pieces of the gift box, Ladybug threw it up into the air with a shout, releasing the Miraculous butterflies. They swirled around everything. Lights and decorations reappeared. People changed back from coal to themselves. She watched with relief as Chat emerged from his own coal statue, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Whoa!” he yelped, arms wrapping around her to prevent himself from falling backwards onto the pavement.

“Stupid cat,” she murmured, prying herself free to pay attention to the man on the ground nearby. Helping him to his feet, she found herself giving Chat the chance to interact with the victim - watching in silence as her partner graciously reassured the man that everything was okay now and Christmas hadn’t been ruined.

With a wave, they escaped to the rooftops.

“So,” drawled Chat, giving her the most curious of looks. “I have a question for you. Why did you shout ‘Adrien’ when I turned to coal?”

Certain that her heart stopped, Ladybug froze. She hadn’t. Had she? She blinked at him, wondering exactly what to say, brain scrambling for words.

“Why would I call you Adrien? That’s just silly. You aren’t Adrien - you’re Chat Noir. Completely different people. You must have heard wrong. I’m sure I shouted for you, silly cat. Chat Noir. Not Adrien.” Realizing that she rambled stupidly, she snapped her mouth shut and waited.

He narrowed his eyes at her, the gaze heavy and searching before he laughed. “Of course. I must have been mistaken. See you tonight then, LB?”

She nodded and he saluted before running off. Breathing a sigh of relief, she headed home, hoping to get a little more sleep before the busy part of the day before Christmas required her attention.

-------

“She knows, Plagg. I don’t know how, but she knows who I am.” Adrien lay flat on his bed, arms thrown wide, eyes staring at the ceiling. “Is that why she’s been acting strange lately? Maybe she figured out who I am and doesn’t like that it’s me!”

A million ideas and thoughts raced through his mind, distracting him through the day’s schedules. Appearances here, appearances there. Fake smiles and poses for media cameras. No family time like all his friends. His Instagram feed showcased Nino and his brother working on making cookies, Alya’s family sitting around in their PJs playing board games, Marinette hard at work in the bakery with her parents. Sitting in the back of the car that drove him everywhere, Adrien felt that emptiness that always seeped in around Christmas. Alone, isolated, and now - Ladybug knew who he was to the point of not being able to look him in the eye. Christmas sucked.

When their designated meetup time approached, he dutifully transformed into Chat Noir, stuffing the gift he’d put chosen for her into one of his pockets. Hopefully she would at least like that.

Ladybug stood on their favourite platform of the Eiffel Tower, pacing back and forth with wild arm gestures. She must have really been deep in thought since she didn’t even hear him land on the metal railing.

“Merry Christmas!” he called out, making her jump in surprise, hand clutched to her heart and blue eyes popped open wide in a strangely familiar and out-of-place motion.

“Oh, Chat. You scared me.” He chuckled. “Merry Christmas.”

“So, what’s on the plans for tonight’s Christmas adventure?” he asked. “Anything exciting?”

She blinked twice, staring at him for longer than should feel comfortable.

“Oh. Right. I thought I’d give you a special gift. It’s a tradition that my family has to open one gift each on Christmas Eve, so I thought it would be fun to do that with you.”

It would be fun, he thought. As long as she still liked him.

“Can I go first?” he asked, pulling the small package from his pocket and thrusting it at her. “It’s not much, but it seemed to scream like the gift you needed.”

Inside held two small pins. The first - a tiny ladybug with closed wings, the other - a small white circle with a set of black cat ears and green eyes peeking up from the bottom. She laughed, telling him that his gift was wonderful and that she’d find the perfect place for them.

She took a deep breath before she passed him a gift bag.

“For you.”

Carefully, he pulled out the tissue paper and unwrapped something soft. Into his hand fell a palm-sized hand-stitched doll of himself - Chat Noir. Digging into the bag more, he found a matching Ladybug. Something nagged in the back of his mind that he’d seen dolls like these before - back when Manon had been akumatized. Marinette had made dolls that Manon wanted to play with. He flipped them over to admire the neat stitching work and attention to detail.

“These are adorable. Thank you so much. Did you get these from Marinette Dupain-Cheng? I think she had some similar to these.”

She made a funny sound before answering. “Kind of? I made them for you.”

She had made them? He frowned in confusion.

Ladybug stepped forward, pulling the dolls gently out of his hands and putting them back in the bag before putting it on the ground. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and moved so that she was achingly close.

“Tikki. Spots off.”

He didn’t have time to close his eyes, other than to wince slightly at the bright and unexpected flash of pink light as Ladybug’s transformation dropped. In her place stood Marinette herself, a heavy black cat-ear hoodie pulled up over her head. An homage to himself, he realized. Two heartbeats later, she raised herself up on her tiptoes, hands clutching at his arms, warm lips pressing against his.

She stepped back before he could even react, whispering “Merry Christmas, my kitty - Adrien Agreste.”

He stared into her bluebell eyes, the pieces of the puzzle in his life clicking together in the most wonderful of ways. She did know. And she kissed him. Marinette Dupain-Cheng had turned a season full of disappointment and missing his mother into something full of memories and wonder. She had turned it into the best Christmas he had ever had.

“Thank you, milady Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Merry Christmas to you, too.”

As he dared to pull her close and kiss her for real, he realized that snowflakes were falling gently on Paris. How romantic.

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