#I know by now how to deal with him and enforce my boundaries but it is just so draining

[ante--meridiem]

Opens phone

*4 new messages from landlord*

Closes phone.

#Nope not fucking dealing with this right now #You have reached the end of my emotional bandwidth please wait till I recharge #If it hurts you when I give you a cold shoulder have you considered. Maybe. Not constantly fucking pushing my boundaries. #I know by now how to deal with him and enforce my boundaries but it is just so draining #Personal #Whining #Like it's just. I'm not scared anymore I don't think he'll Do anything to me but it takes so much energy to walk the line #Of civil but not giving any ground #& I think he knows that & thinks he can wear me down into giving ground

[aledethanlast]

Seriously, how are those FBI agents doing in that Baltimore hotel for the David Wesninski AU? They signed up for none of this, yet here they are, dealing with the craziest family drama any of them have ever witnessed. Honestly, their faces when it gets confirmed that Wymack is the identical twin of this serial killer must be priceless

The first thing you need to understand about fbi ops is, you don't just write those up on a whim. Theres investigations and plans and preparations. They were prepared for the Hatfords to push the agreed boundaries and kill against orders. That's why they were contacted in the first place. They were prepared for the cleanup, and the inquiries, and to throw the Hatfords under the bus as an excuse to begin what was sure to be a years-long investigation into Nathan Wesninski's network.

The second thing you need to understand about law enforcement operations is that you're either going shit shit shit shit shit when things are going according to plan and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck when they aren't.

So, on the whole? It was a shitty night. The whole thing got pushed back by like two hours because of an alleged break in, and then by three more hours after a fight with op command on how much can they look over the police's shoulder without tipping their hand. And then it all goes down, and there's corpses everywhere, and it's all gone to shit...

And then Junior is on the front lawn.

Which, first of all, how are you not dead? Rhetorical question, clearly Nathan tried. Second, no seriously, how are you not dead. The fuck you mean it's a secret bitch I will [redacted]-

But it's fine. It's fine. Actually, hold on, this is great. They get to skip years of investigation all it costs is some witness protection. The kid seems like a real shithead but once they get him talking...

And then Towns says "We gotta talk about his team."

Oh right, them. "Once they calm down we'll give them a basic rundown of what's happening and send them home. Considering what they said so far it doesn't sound like they know much."

But Towns shakes his head. "You don't know who they are, do you?" Browning raises a brow. "Palmetto State Foxes?" Nope. "Edgar Allen. The ravens." Nope. "Kevin Day?"

That does sound familiar, but Browning knows he doesn't get the points for that. "Sure, one of the other players, no?" He never cared for exy, personally, and while he gets that people get excited about college sports he's always believed in some healthy iconoclasm. He shakes his head.

Towns grumbles. Then out of nowhere, he says, "Call Suzie."

"What?"

"Call her. Right now. Put her on speaker."

She should be at lunch, so Browning obliges, but he really doesn't see what his teenage daughter has to do with...

Click. Suzie's high, confident voice. "Daddy?"

"Hey Suzie, it's Freddie, your dad's pal from work," Towns says.

"Oh. Um. Hey?" Suzie sounds nervous suddenly. "Is my dad okay?"

They both suddenly realize what this call must look like, especially after Browning hadn't come home last night, and they both rush to reassure her that he's fine. "We've just had a long night," he reassures her. "No, I'm just calling because...hey Freddie, why am I calling?"

It's Towns' turn to raise an eyebrow, as if to say watch this. "Nah, I was just wanted a reminder, what's your husband's name again?"

Silence. A quick, sharp inhale, and in his mind's eye Browning can see his daughter's eyes focus like an eagles. "Well, first of all, it's future husband, because daddy says that the law says I have to be 18 to get married..."

Ohhhhh.

Fuck.

"But his name is Kevin Day. He's the world's best exy player, even after he had an accident last year. A lot of people abandoned him but I'm never gonna because when a mom and a dad love each other very much..."

A thousand dinner conversations run through Browning's head line an electric current as he opens his phone browser and searches the name. The results look nothing like the bruised shell of a man his colleagues have stuck in a hotel room, but they look like every poster on Suzie's wall. A terrible, terrible thought strikes him. "What about his friend. The, um, the short one."

The response is automatic. "Neil is cute too I guess. There aren't as many good posters of him, but Jessica from biology did her binder from shots she printed from youtube. Her dad yelled at her for wasting the ink."

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

#david wesninski au #aftg #browning gets back home from work to find his daughter ready to murder him for arresting Jessica's husband #browning: I thought we didn't even like jessica? #suzie: WE DON'T BUT IM GONNA MEET KEVIN AT THEIR ENGAGEMENT PARTY AND HOW DOES THAT WORK IF HE'S IN JAIL

[hypergamiss]

hi!! any advice for dating in your early 20s, i just turned 20 this year and have never been in a relationship i’ve focused a lot of my energy on building my self image and i think i’m ready for one now but i’m not even sure where to start? i’m also currently in med school which also makes it hard so do you think i should keep waiting or that i should go for? it thank you 🩷🩷

I think that a great place to start is writing out a list of deal breakers. When you begin dating and catching feelings, more often then not you get blinded by your emotions. Having a list to look back on that will help you keep your boundaries in place and enforce them will do you a lot of good so that you are also thinking with your head in the process. You have to really mentally prepare yourself to put yourself first and trust your instincts and avoid talking yourself out of your instincts. A woman’s instincts is like their North Star and they are very underrated. It is truly up to you if you want to wait or not. Since your time is extremely valuable and precious at the moment due to med school, I would say that dating is a good idea only if you truly want to get to know the person. A lot of times women date men because they somehow feel obligated to if a man asked them to. If you’re not into him, politely and elegantly decline and save your energy for the next one. And don’t feel bad about it at all. You’re studying your ass off and your time can’t be given to just anyone. Let me know how things go!!

#hypergamous lifestyle #heaux advice #heaux tips #heauxheauxheaux #heauxlife #hypergamy #level up #spoiled heaux #spoiled gf #high maintenance

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: abuse

Looking for: advice

Is it possible for a younger sibling to be abusive? Because with my brother, it's only a three year difference, but he's taller and stronger than me. And since he's gotten stronger than me, he's gotten more aggressive. Like he already was before, he would threaten me with objects and knives and air guns and such things. But now he's more physical. He will randomly hit me and shove me, I've made it known that I don't like this and that it hurts, but he doesn't listen. He's come close to seriously injuring me, although that part was accidental, but it still doesn't stop him. He's always been aggressive, and I knew he'd get stronger as he got older which scared me, and now he is and I can't defend myself if ever intends to do more than torment me. And it's not just physical. He just absolutely mentally drains me on the daily. He will come in my room and break and steal and disorganized things or he come in his room to dump trash and rotten food and dishes and anything because he won't take anything to the kitchen. Just generally he exerts so much extra effort into trashing my room. Along with the fact that he also blackmails me, like if im ever upset or crying he'll record me and send it to people which makes it kind of hard to feel safe at home because he could leak my whole private life like that. And he's gotten his friends in on always making fun of me. I've told my mom about all of this and it's only ever an empty promise that she'll deal whit it. She never has and never does. She doesn't discipline him. She doesn't enforce any of the boundaries she says she'll set. She spoils him as well, she spends thousands of dollars giving him what he wants to prevent him from throwing fits rather than setting boundaries. Which leads to him destroying the house and becoming physically violent if he doesn't get what he wants. We're by no means rich, and in this way, he financially drains us further. I don't understand why my mom doesn't do anything about his behavior. I mean I got beat for things such as crying too loudly. I don't condone beating kids at all, but why was I subjected to such harsh treatment and he gets a free pass to do whatever he wants. I feel like such a stupid pushover, because my family generally picks on me and I can do nothing about it. Like my mom and my brother are practically the same. She will also record me at my nerves end like neither of them didn't push me to my breaking point. I'm just so tired of this. Like why am I expected to achieve so highly and be perfect but he isn't expected to do anything at all.

I'll go by nyx.

Hi nyx,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. It sounds like you've not only been victimized by your brother for a long time, but you seem to be the scapegoat as your mom seems to be enabling his behavior. I can understand how this dynamic may make you feel like you're being ganged up on. You don't deserve to put up with this.

Please know that age gaps are not the only ways that an abuser can create or take advantage of a power imbalance. Being taller or stronger can certainly be one of the many alternatives.

It might continue to escalate so it may be worth looking into involving the authorities, for your safety. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could also help you process and navigate these experiences, as well as equip you with some useful coping mechanisms that you can take with you along your healing journey.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw physical abuse #nyx

[ase-trollplays]

Push, Push, Push

"Well, well, well~ Look what the cat unceremoniously hacked up this otherwise fine evening."

Thiomi looked up from her sketchbook to see Sonja now sitting across from her at her picnic table in the park. It was a dull, overcast night, so very few people were out and about. Only Thiomi, seemingly, would sit among the gloomy surroundings were it not for her former moirail and abuser. The free flowing raven hair along with the rudeness and sour attitude made it clear she was dealing with Comedy.

"... Oh," she replied simply. She knew better than to give him anything to needle and prod at her with. If anything, she should immediately get up and leave for her own safety. Then again, she was easily manipulated by his chucklevoodoo, and he could very easily stop any escape with minimal effort. A fight would be suicide.

Ironically, humoring him was the safer course of action. He was less of a threat if she did what he wanted. In this case, what he wanted was to bully her.

Sonja glared momentarily at her lack of a reaction before shrugging it off and stretching slightly before pulling out his phone.

"An avid conversationalist as always, aren't you. What, you think I'm going to hurt you? Maybe take you to my hive and lock you in the basement until you love me again?" he prodded at her lack of reaction to him. He reached across the table and snatched her sketchbook to flip through it. She didn't even have a chance to attempt stopping him, though she mentally sighed with relief that it was one of her safe sketchbooks. It was mostly full of sketches of animals, a few flowers, and a drawing of Varoll and Dantli she did the last time the three of them were together.

"If you wanted to s-see it, you could have asked," she said before having the book casually tossed back across the table at her. "What do you want?"

"I just thought you would like to know how wonderfully I'm doing ever since you stabbed me in the back and abandoned me," he responded cheerfully even with the added venom in the last part of his statement. She kept her gaze low and focused on the table to avoid the violence in his eyes that she could feel boring a hole into her.

"I'm glad you and Altrii are s-still happy toge--" she began only to be interrupted by his hand slamming on the table and causing her to jump.

"That miserable crow is gone! She was no better than you, only looking for a project to fix then taking her love away when I stopped being fun!" he spat with so much vitriol it sent a shiver down her spine. Her unease turned to fear, then guilt. The only reason he didn't do as he suggested earlier when she broke up with him was because he had Altrii right there to be an immediate backup. As far as Thiomi knew, Altrii didn't have that same luck.

If Altrii really had fallen out of love with him, then it's extremely likely that he... Oh God. He must have. Thiomi's face began to pale at the thought that because of her, Sonja--

"Ugghhh, get that look off your face. I didn't kill her, much as she would have deserved it. Personally I find it offensive you have such a low opinion of me," Sonja said, causing Thiomi to finally look back up at him. His eyes were a clearly irritated orange, though with a deep calming breath the color began to recede back to yellow. For a brief moment, she opened her mouth to apologize, but she was quick to shut it and say nothing.

"No, I have a new muse. Her name is Engela, and she's my starlight, my beloved, my newfound reason for existence~ she's even a highblood-- Tyrian, in fact. Unlike you two failures, she actually appreciates my loyalty and devotion."

Thiomi could feel irritation pricking under her skin, but she tried to ignore it and shove it deep down with her other problem emotions. She so badly wanted to call him out for how delusional he was. How his "loyalty and devotion" was obsession and a desire to possess and control. How her only failing was not enforcing boundaries when they were young instead of running to his every beck and call so he didn't expect it from everyone he met. How he's a selfish narcissist who refuses to take even a gram of accountability for his own actions!

Instead, she sighed and forced a smile on her face. "I'm glad you've found happiness."

"Really, because judging by that hint of orange in your eyes, you're jealous," he fired back with a snug grin. Thiomi's smile fell instantly as she once again looked away from him. She never did have a good pokerface, and with everything going on, she was having a hard time stuffing down her feelings.

"I'm not jealous," she said in what was meant to be monotone, but she couldn't hide her growing annoyance. Sonja's grin only widened at the sight of his former moirail getting upset. It was like drinking a fine vintage wine to him.

"Well~ you're awfully something. Tell me, how's your own love life going? Have you and that hillbilly barbarian pig finally called it quits? ... No, I still see his darker green in your hair."

"Don't talk about Dantli that way. He's--"

"Oh, that's right! That blueblood you took on as your next project! You know, the one you got killed because you're such a shitty pale? Tell me, do you still think about her? How you failed her so severely?"

"I-I didn't--"

"Yes, you did. You got her killed, the main thing a moirail is supposed to prevent. Hahaha, maybe I dodged a bullet when you abandoned me!"

"I'm not--"

"Now, now, no need to lie and try to justify yourself to me. We both know how much of a fuck up you are. I weep for whoever winds up in your sights next."

"S-stop it."

"And then there's that teal you couldn't keep, either. You really are a disaster and a half when it comes to your quadrants! But at least she wasn't let as a catastrophe in your wake. She saved herself from destruction."

"I s-said s-stop it."

"Or what, you gonna cry at me? God, just look at those red eyes. You're practically glowing now! If you have something to say, just--" 

"Shut up!!!"

Sonja gaped at her in shock at her outburst as every insult and jab immediately curled up and died in his throat. Thiomi slammed both hands on the table and stood up, her eyes flowing with frustrated furious tears.

"What do you want me to say!? Why did you even talk to me??! To rub it in how wonderful everything is for you, and how awful it is for me!? Did you just want to see if you could finally reach the end of my patience!!? Well, guess what! You've finally fucking done it!!! Everything is my entire life is going FUCKING wrong!"

Sonja stood up and opened his mouth to speak, but he was immediately silenced by Thiomi grabbing her sketchbook and throwing it directly at his head. He managed to dodge getting hit in the face, but the book knocked one of his horn prosthetics clean off his head and into the grass behind him.

"No! S-shut up!! Shut up, shut up, shut up!! Shut! UP!!!

“You’re right! Is that what you want to hear!? Fine! You’re right about everything!! I couldn’t keep S-shadah! I was a terrible kismesis, and s-she cheated on me for— For perigees! At least four! Before I finally managed to force it out of her, and then s-she left me for her mistress!! I wasn’t a challenge for her! I was a terrible rival!! I’d give anything to go back in time and convince myself to never ever date her if I could!! Because of her, I’m terrified to fill that quadrant now! All I can think is that I’m just going to be cheated on and abandoned again!! That I can never truly compete with other people because I just don’t have that in me!!”

Thiomi’s whole body was trembling and shaking with unrestrained anger. Her normally quiet and soft voice was all but booming, something that Sonja would never in his life believe possible were he not on the other end of it.

“And Mareth??? I failed her even worse!! At least S-shadah is s-still alive! I tried s-so hard with Mareth!! I tried s-so hard to keep her out of trouble! I tried even harder to get her to s-see s-she had a drinking problem, but I s-screwed that up, too!! I wasn’t patient enough! I wasn’t understanding enough!! I tried to force her to get help instead of working with her!! I got s-so s-sick of all the lies and the broken promises that— You know what I did!?

“I tampered with her alcohol! I poured it all out and replaced it with the non alcoholic variant! Like an idiot!!! Of course s-she was furious with me! The angriest I’ve ever s-seen her in my life! AND WHO WOULD BLAME HER!!? Not me! Or you! Or anyone else with functioning common s-sense because apparently I threw mine out the window!!!

“We had the mother grub of all arguments, and s-she tried to leave! And when I tried to s-stop her, s-she hit me in the s-stomach s-so hard I passed out! It was hours before I woke up, and by then it was too late!! When Corali and I found her, s-she’d been dead for at least two hours!! And it’s all my fault for being a goddamn idiot!! If we never had that fight, s-she wouldn’t have left!!

“But no!!! I had to do the most idiotic! Moronic! Insensitive thing ever!! I’m literally the worst person to have for a moirail!! I’m the worst who’s ever done it!!!”

He voice was hoarse and raw, and every word hurt to say, but she couldn’t stop herself anymore as sweeps of repressed emotions came violently flooding out of her. She began aggressively pacing back and forth as restless energy overtook her. It wasn’t enough to just stand there and yell; she had to move.

“S-speaking of being an awful moirail, guess what!! You’re one hundred percent right that I was awful for you!! We never s-should have been moirails! I turned you into a monster!!”

“Now you hold one one second!” Sonja interjected, finally finding his voice now that he was the one being called out. “I am not a—“

“Yes you are!!! You’re the s-single worst person I have ever known in my entire life!! But it’s not your fault! I made you that way! I never made you take any kind of responsibility! I constantly made excuses for you! I accepted being controlled and manipulated and treated like I owed you everything!! I never enforced any kind of boundaries and instead let you treat me however you wanted because you’re purple and I’m green, plus you’re a sweep older than me!! I was s-so s-stupid to let it go on for as long as I did!

“Now look at you!! You’re a s-selfish, s-sociopathic, narcissistic, bitter, petty, homicidal, violent prick!!! At least there’s hope for Tragedy, but you??? I ruined you beyond repair!! You’ll probably never be better, and it’s all my fault!!”

Thiomi punched the table over and over in frustration, and tears still poured down her face like twin waterfalls, but she still wasn’t done. Her throat was in so much pain from prolonged yelling and screaming that she could swear she tasted blood, but she still went on.

“Oh, and you’ll get a kick out of this!! One of my closest friends came to me for help, and I ruined that, too!! S-sure, it s-started out fine! I wanted to help her get better! I wanted to s-see her s-succeed and be happier and fix the relationship s-she ruined with her s-son!!

“That s-should have been enough, but no!!! I got s-selfish! S-she had s-so much in common with Mareth that I used her s-struggle with being s-sober like a s-second chance!! I wanted a win! For once, I just wanted a win!! And I was using her to get it! I failed Mareth the worst anyone’s ever failed s-someone, but now I have another chance!! I have a chance to fix my mistake and do it right this time!!

“Forget about Corali’s feelings! Forget about her being her own person who’s trying to be better for her own sake!! No, no, I made it about me!! And now s-she hates me!! S-she won’t take my calls, s-she won’t answer my messages, and I’m pretty s-sure if I went to her hive s-she’d break my horns off!!

“And you know what??!  I deserve that!! I deserve every bad thing in life!!! I’m the worst there ever was!! All I do is hurt people with my own stupid—“

Thiomi choked on her words as a sudden wave of calm rushed over her. Her anger, her frustration, her every negative emotion was now gone and replaced with a peaceful serenity she hadn’t felt in sweeps. She took a deep breath and sat back down at the table as her head gently spun from all the energy she exerted. She didn't even get to the little boy she temporarily adopted and how she failed him as well before she was forcibly relaxed.

Sonja, eyes glowing bright purple with a deep scowl on his face, waited a full two minutes before releasing her from his voodoo to be sure she wouldn’t immediately return to hysterics. As the effects receded, Thiomi held her head in her hands and turned to face him. She felt better now that so much of what she’d been repressing was forcibly launched out of her system, but there was still a deep cloud of self resentment and loathing hanging over her.

“Christ, you are fucking broken. I actually feel sad for you. You’re even more pathetic than I realized,” Sonja said with a sneer. He turned his back to her to retrieve her thrown sketchbook and his dislodged horn, then tossed the book onto the table. “Word of advice: Get some goddamn help. Fuck.”

Without another word, he reattached his prosthetic horn and stormed away in a huff. Thiomi watched him go before placing her head down on the table and sobbing.

#things to read #The Weight of our Sins #Thiomi Shiaka #Sonja Tuniq #in which Thiomi finally fucking loses her shit #don't worry it's good for her #She needs the catharsis

[asenarieka]

CW: Vent below the Keep Reading.

Honestly just feeling really lost right now. I've been thinking a lot about a couple of events that has happened since Envy helped me enforce my boundaries.

I'm not sure how much detail I wanna get into but it started back in June 2023, someone who claims to be my "best friend" started to act really transphobic towards me because I'm non-binary and just part of the LGBTQ in general. I can't even sugar coat that, it hurt like a fucking bitch. And it made me terrified of being open about anything.

I can partially understand why he's not personally allowed to be part of it because of his beliefs but that still gave him NO right to act like that towards me, he tried to force his belief onto me and just said a lot of hurtful things. And when I tried to explain how much this hurt me he started to massively guilt trip/ play the victim card.

That one particular situation was resolved later on but it still doesn't change how much that hurt me.

And after this I became way too fucking scared to deal with him personally so I gave Envy full consent to step in when needed and that turned out to happen.. a lot.

Every. single. time. this guy crossed a boundary, Envy would step in and ask him or tell him that he had crossed a boundary and as a result this "friend" of mine would make a huge deal out of it, sending a crap ton of dms, making public vents making himself look like a victim... all because he was asked a question or told to stop doing something.

This happened way too many times, and I just let Envy do his thing, but even he grew tired of trying to reason with this guy, I read through most of it today to get a bit more context and I'm at a loss for words. A lot of my friends who knows bits and pieces has told me that I shouldn't associate with people like this as this behavior will probably never change and I'm most likely just gonna continue to get hurt. My trust was already broken from family and ex boyfriends and now someone that claimed to be my best friend did the exact same thing.

I just feel so damn numb from it all, I thought I had learnt to not accept this type of bullshit as I had done everything I could just to get away from an abusive relationship and I guess I just fell into an abusive friendship instead? I don't know how to word it properly. I just don't know what to do about it all.

I have a feeling that the person this is about will read it and all I'm gonna say is this, don't send me 50+ dms about the past situations. I don't want to hear it and the only thing you'll achieve is that you'll probably just piss off Envy even more.

I'm not sure if any of this even makes sense, I'm just writing stuff the second I think it.

I apologize for the long ass vent. I'm not typing this to cause drama, I'm just trying to get rid of some of the stuff that's on my chest.

-- Astrid

#astridvent #cw vent #vent

[foxymoxynoona]

Would you ever do a second book for amended maybe something or even a Drabble that mentions Ezra growing a resentment for his Dad. I feel like many kids sort of don’t realise the weight of their parent’s actions and as they get older it sinks in more and you see the person in a different light. It’s always confused me how Ezra would of watched his dad speak down about his mother and physically harm her and that not have a permanent effect on him especially with how much that effected him with not trusting other men with her. I just never understand he’d want a relationship with his dad after that.

The closest thing I can think is that he just doesn’t understand the weight and desperately wanted to find the good in his dad. But would that not rest on his shoulders knowing and having those memories as he gets older that his dad abused his mum. Would he not stray from wanting a relationship with him???

Sort of two questions in here so I'll break them apart! Also this gets long SORRY I haven't gotten to dig in like this on a question in a while :)

I never say never, but I haven't yet thought of what I'd really want to say in it. I could easily fill it with just domestic life, but that's why I've been doing so many drabbles for this story (and have many more ahead). I had thought of a bigger plot at one point but on reflection it felt forced. sometimes it's better to just let characters have their peace except for occasional check-ins haha. I've thought about just letting it focus on the kids growing up, career changes, and fostering, and possibly JK having to deal with his father getting released from prison over in Korea. Maybe someday I'll have the time and focus to write it!

Regarding Ezra and his father, this is a really complicated situation that sadly I think many are familiar with! It's very understandable to me to want to be loved and treated well by your parents, who you expect to be the first loves in your life, and for it to be very hard to recognize either that they don't, or that their behavior outside of that just isn't something you can endure/want to have a relationship with regardless of their love. Sometimes children, even once they are adults, simplify their parent as a person in order to have a relationship with them despite even major shortcomings in the parent, make excuses, or ignore in an effort to still have even a ghost of a parent-child relationship. Other times children cut their parents out of their life once they're adults, or even younger will refuse to see them. The situations just can vary so much, and how an individual views their own situation, and no two people will likely evaluate the situation/relationship quite the same. For some personal examples, my dad had a lot of problems as a dad while I was growing up. Now that I'm an adult, I have learned to define boundaries and protect myself, and he has changed in some ways that I needed him to, and so we have a pretty good relationship despite the hard things from my childhood that can't be undone. I know many of the things that made him the way he was, and while it doesn't undo the harm passed onto me, I do understand and make my own decisions about it all. I evaluate how he was as a kid, how he is now, how he responds when I enforce boundaries, and we do pretty well! He's a fantastic grandfather to my kids, it's so different than how he was as a father. I also limit my expectations in ways that others might find sad or too much compromise, but it's acceptable to me and how I feel in our relationship. My husband has a similar relationship with his dad, even though he has to overlook some really big things, but he cut his mother out of our lives years ago and has no regrets. I have a friend who's dad was an alcoholic when he was a child, he's sober now, they are very close but they do NOT ever talk about the childhood trauma of that. He also doesn't understand why my husband would refuse to forgive his mom because "she's your mom, you have to forgive her." I wouldn't condemn any of us as doing the wrong thing, I'd just say we are each evaluating our situations our own way. I think there's always a dream that the problem parent will recognize their issues, change, and initiate conversation and apology with their child --but that often doesn't happen, and it doesn't undo the harm, and it should be up to the child in the relationship to decide what they want the future to look like. It can also be really hard for children to enforce boundaries or walk away from the very first authority figure and who should be the most foundational-loving person in their lives, and accept that their parent will never be that for them. That's heartbreaking. I can understand why many people struggle to give up on that, even when it seems obvious it won't happen.

For Ezra, I think throughout the book he is already aware his dad has problems and mistreats his mom. There are several times he intervenes or calls his dad out for bad behavior. But he also desperately wants his dad to love him because he's young and knows that's what dads are supposed to do --and to love him enough to change. Which maybe Landon seems to do later in the book, though not necessarily recognizing and apologizing for past behavior. Maybe as Ezra gets older he still sees too much behavior he can't tolerate in his father and cuts ties, especially since he sees such positive modeling in his stepfather, or maybe he keeps a careful but not-close relationship with his dad to get what he can from the relationship while protecting himself, or maybe he just finally has the day where he says enough is enough, he doesn't want that relationship anymore because he can't condone his dad's behavior past and present.

This 'sins of the father' theme is actually mirrored in Isabella AND her mom AND her grandma AND Jungkook with his father. Jungkook cuts ties and wishes his dad was dead, wants no relationship, but also worries about whether he's bad because his dad was bad (Ezra may want to believe Landon can be good because if not, does that mean he's not good either?) Isabella can't bring herself to cut ties with her mom UNTIL she finally does, and a big piece of that for her is not tolerating the way Colleen treats Jungkook, as well as seeing healthy relationships modeled in the Jeon family. She was willing to put up with abuse towards herself (because she's my mom! that's just how moms are!) but drew the line at how her partner was treated and realized she deserved better too. Colleen mostly threw out her relationship with her own mom/Isabella's grandmother for protecting the predator grandfather and resentment over never recognizing or handling family pains, but also doesn't totally end the relationship either and she definitely doesn't recognize how she also does all those exact same things with Isabella. But she also steals and mooches from GG, so in a way she maintains the relationship to get vengeance, and maybe some small hope that her mother will recognize her mistakes and apologize. It never happens. Isabella maintains a much closer relationship with GG but in the story struggles with the fact after GG's death that she can't reconcile the woman she knew and loved with the things she did/hid.

Going with those themes, if I was writing this in the future, I would propose that Ezra maintains this relationship with Landon because he wants his father to change for the better, and believes in the good parts of him, because sometimes there are good parts of him. And we do see Landon doing better towards the end of the story. Maybe he will mature more and better understand his past issues and put forth the full effort to make amends (hehe, see what i did there? Amendment? The title was intentional 😉)

But while younger Ezra was a product of Isabella struggling to recognize the treatment she deserved and protect herself from bad relationships, he also watches his mom grow and improve at that, and he now has a stepfather who has managed that in his own life. So I do think Ezra's tolerance will have limits as he gets older and if Landon betrays those expectations, he would end the relationship. There may even be a day Ezra actually wants a sit down to talk about those things, breaking the Desmond 'don't tall about it' family rule, and the future of his relationship depends on Landon's response. Ezra sees firsthand now that men don't have to be like that, and that nobody (him, Mom, JK) has to tolerate being mistreated, and that you can end the bad relationships in your life, even with a family member. You will survive and be loved properly by other people.

I'll just reiterate though, it's fun and easier to dissect this from outside and about a fictional relationship. In real life, these relationships are complicated. Families are complicated. Sometimes cutting out a family member or friend is easy and gratifying, and other times it's really challenging. It can be hard to ever be objective about the family you were literally raised in/by!

#amended #asks #anonymous

[kohakuhime]

I was reading your fics about the bikers and had a question. Do you really think Rafael was abused by his relatives?

(I'm going to assume the relatives Raphael ends up with after coming back from the island, because Raphael speaks of his immediate family with nothing but love, care, and respect most of the time. If this isn't the case, let me know.)

Honestly? I wouldn't say it's to the degree of The Bad YGO Dads (looking at the Kaiba/Wheeler/Ishtar patriarchs), but I also don't think for one second that Raphael had a healthy dynamic with his living relatives. Canonically, Raphael even says as much in the subbed episode 156 (the basis for most of this post):

"My relatives stole my father's inheritance and used me for publicity stunts." There's a good deal of disgust conveyed in that one sentence.

"Publicity stunts" could mean anything, but we also know the media doesn't have any sense of boundaries; even back then, if this is set in the eighties and nineties, there's not a lot of boundaries that are enforced. Forced interviews and photoshoots could very well be something Raphael had to deal with, given that he's still a child when he comes back from the island. He's got no real say if his guardians decide he needs to do interviews or make public appearances.

Look at the magazine compared to the actual island Raphael ended up on. That is not the same island. The magazine shows sandy hills. Raphael's island is a mix of rock and sand. That tells me there's a very strong chance Raphael's relatives/the public media did a photoshoot with Raphael in the clothing he's wearing on the island when he got back.

It's not just this one magazine.

There's multiple magazines with multiple interviews, and not one has a picture he's smiling in (although honestly? Who would, given the circumstances?). And it's interesting that "only despair awaited me" is what he says about this, and that the subtitle is placed over these magazines. It pans to the cemetery in the next shot, true, but there's something to be said that this line and this imagery are linked.

Now, let's look at Raphael himself.

(On a completely unrelated note, I find it hilarious that Raphael asks the Pharaoh, "Have you ever lived alone for three years, not talking or dealing with anyone?", knowing full well that the spirit of the Puzzle has been in said Puzzle for three thousand years).

Raphael canonically states that as a child on the island he doesn't talk to anyone, or socialize, unless it's with his cards; he almost goes insane from being so alone, and the only thing that helps him is the cards.

That alone confirms that a younger Raphael is going to require speech therapy, along with grief counseling and therapy to help process the trauma he's lived through. He was a child stranded on an island as the only survivor. He's returning to a world that's moved on without him, to a place he's not been in for three years, having to face something he's not had time or proper preparation to deal with. He's going to need time to process what happened to him, time to heal, therapy to help him adjust and cope. His relatives are now his legal guardians and have a responsibility to protect him.

And they do none of that. Instead, they immediately throw him into the spotlight. Remember that first magazine?

Who do you think agreed to that photo being taken? I can guarantee Raphael certainly didn't.

This next part is conjecture, granted, so take it with a pinch of salt because Raphael never talks about anything that happened to him aside from what's stated in canon. But this is where I get angry on his behalf because I can't help but think about the what-ifs.

Think of the questions that come up in interviews. We know there's talk show hosts who have zero self control or empathy and can ask or put their guests through some truly cruel things (deliberately not naming anyone). Imagine a shell-shocked teenager who's only barely used to speaking to people (and possibly has forgotten how to talk) having to answer those questions. Questions or situations in which he's forced to relive the trauma, where he has to answer questions he genuinely can't and yet is expected to. Having to meet with families who are hoping for closure about their lost loved ones, and yet he can't because he doesn't know. How is he supposed to answer those? How can he tell these families he has nothing to say? That's a hopeless situation that a child has been forced into.

Now, as Raphael gets older, that's going to change because of course he's going to get the help he needs. Sooner or later someone is going to raise the question about his welfare to his relatives, so they have to accommodate for that. They can't physically hurt him as a result. But...

"Raphael, it's just one interview. We feed you and put a roof over your head. After all we've done for you, surely you can do that?"

"We took you in, son. You have to pay us back somehow, right? Well, just appear this time on television and we'll call it even."

"If you don't do this photoshoot, we're kicking you out."

"If you don't like it, then leave. But where are you going to go? Who's going to take you in? We're your only family left."

A family's love, blood or chosen, is supposed to be unconditional. His relatives could have easily turned it conditional. It's no wonder Raphael clings as tightly as he does to his Guardians, and to Alister and Valon to a certain degree - they're people and beings who've shown him that unconditional care that he lost.

Raphael says that he's in despair over the world he's come back to. If this is what waited for him when he got back? I can't blame him for wanting to go back to the island.

TLDR: Raphael never confirms he's been emotionally abused, gaslit, or otherwise harmed by his relatives - but he sure as hell doesn't deny it, either.

#kohaku answers #ygo #raphael #rafael #long post #sorry this got longer than i thought it would #ygo s4 #ygo dm s4 #waking the dragons

[spell-cleaver]

Trivia Tuesday

I have a lot of random tidbits and deleted scenes from the editing process of my latest fic, The Protégé, so I decided to take part in Trivia Tuesday during the course of posting the fic to share them!

This first week of it is a deleted scene from Padmé’s POV of immediately after she meets Luke in the first chapter. I deleted it because it didn’t flow with the rest of the chapter well, it was too explanatory, and contradicted small other things in the fic. If you’re interested in the first draft of it, check below the cut!

Padmé watched her niece and nephew and former best friend leave the room with an intensity of emotion she hadn’t felt in years. Even when Pooja had come to her, looking so much like her mother and reminding Padmé so much of her younger self…

Even when Pooja had come to her, she had not looked so much like a young Anakin, as well. She had not come with Padmé closest, most estranged friend.

When the door closed behind them, she turned to ascend the stairs and her throne again, seating herself with relief. She passed a hand across her face and closed her eyes. Anakin’s hand found hers on the arm of the throne, and rested atop it lightly. She laced her fingers through his.

Then she opened her eyes and stared at the door again.

First Pooja. Now Luke. As bitterly as the relationship had ended, Padmé was starting to relate a great deal to her old mentor and friend. Was this how Palpatine had felt, watching her ascend from Queen to Senator, still starry-eyed and believing in a Republic that did not deserve her talents? Her family and her planet were still indoctrinating children into that foolishness, still sending her flesh and blood—metaphorically, in Luke’s case—to oppose her, like shaaks slaughtered on the altar of democracy.

They could break free. They were talented enough to break free—even Luke, as open and sweet as Pooja had described him to be, was canny enough to keep himself on his toes when faced with a hungry empress and her enforcer who didn’t understand boundaries. She’d skimmed his record as Prince of Theed. He was popular for a reason. A skilled and earnest orator, full of passion for fixing the injustices in the world, and good at making people trust him.

She would teach him. Pooja would help. He’d come to understand what she had—that the Republic, and democracy, was broken and needed fixing. And then she could know that at least she had rescued some members of her family, though their elders had banished her rather than listen to her.

She’d take her new protégé. She would teach him what she had been taught. And, just as it had for her, it would raise him to heights he could hardly hope to imagine.

#trivia tuesday #the protégé #my writing #random words on a page #deleted scenes #padmé amidala #luke skywalker #i have no memory of my mother

[littlecornerinbrooklyn]

i feel like i'm losing my mind today

woke up to texts from my mom beginning with the word "terrified" but it turns out that was just her way of prefacing inviting herself down to the city for the weekend which sent me into a full panic because I don't want that and I resent having to enforce boundaries because she, uh, doesn't react well

my dad IS coming to town tomorrow, wants me to pick a restaurant which I deeply resent because he changed how we usually do things and I don't have a lot of places I go out to eat that I would like...take him to and none of them are close to my house OR his hotel

my house isn't as clean as I would like it to be for the occassion

i have time to clean it right now but i've been in a low-key panicked state since I woke up and can't seem to get my thoughts straight (I also haven't eaten today which is contributing to the stress)

i'm going to a late comedy show tonight to see Nish Kumar (!!!!) and I'm so excited but the shows STARTS at 10 so it's gonna be a late night and i want to have energy for that

i feel manic AF

my best friend who i'm going to the show with is not well equipped to handle discussions of my parents or the ripple effects of their actions and that's fine but my sister who IS good at that is currently busy and already helped me through it once today

(as i typed that last one i realized the solution is to eat -> call her when she's free)

i hate dealing with emotions around my parents because i can't believe we're still circling the drain on all the shit they decided to do during my childhood (due to alcoholism, latent fatphobia, narcissism, my dad cheating constantly throughout their relationship, my parents making us move houses/countries frequently)

BLAH BLURG BLAH i'm so ooooover this shit and i hate when i feel out of control now because i'm 31 and i usually DON'T!

my dads only coming because he offered to take us to ireland (yay!) because his wife who hates his kids (boo!) is going on a cruise so we are now extended the invite to go back to the country we were born in (a slightly less enthusiastic yay! because while i want to be so grateful for the opportunity to go home, the circumstances through which it was offered makes that difficult) and my sister is making him do a test 48 hours with her before she agrees to go so he's turned that trip into a "i should see all my kids I suppose" round-robin but usually we meet up in Grand Central, we go to Oyster (located in Grand Central) and it's done. But this time he thought "I know! Claire lives in this borough so I should get a hotel there" without realizing that where his hotel is, is 35 minutes away from my house, and there are no trains/buses between because GM took out the trolley in the 1950's and it's been fucked ever since.

okay i think i'm done now

#adventures in the wood

[petitabricot]

phil dunphy and "innocent" incompetence

Rewatching modern family and it's shocking to me how Phil Dunphy for a very long time was pushed by MF fans as the ideal husband. At first glance, he is a goofball, kind husband with childlike wonder who helps counterbalance Claire's uptightness and seriousness.

But in reality, Phil is like what many men are expected to be in their married relationships : useless. He is completely useless to Claire, which she brings up all the time : lets her do all the chores, all of the home rearing tasks even though he works so little he might as well be a stay at home husband. Him being so childish and refusing to enforce boundaries with his own children by acting like an adult is a very funny joke for a sitcom, but if it were real life it would make Phil a terrible husband, father and a complete burden on Claire who now has to take care of her husband's incompetence on top of raising her 3 children. If you've ever been in a situation where you had to work with someone else, but the other person doesn't know how to make themselves useful, so you have no choice but to micromanage them, then you KNOW how exhausting that is, even more so than doing it alone.

And before people "it's just a sitcom, it's not real" I KNOW. But there are so many people who watch this show and genuinely believe that Phil is great. I read a post raising the same concerns as me, and people were like "Phil is clueless, so he's harmless" and honestly something sparked in my brain. Women are always expected to forgive men's complete incompetence because they are "clueless". Running a household is after all a woman's task, and men can't be expected to ever learn how to do it, even if they're married with 3 kids. So women need to just happily accept the heavy burden, and accept to deal with a manchild as a husband. Not only do they have to accept this burden, but they should be grateful.

As if that alone wasn't enough, Phil constantly disrespects Claire. The fact that people (and that includes me on first watch), think his behaviour towards his own wife is funny is telling. He is constantly disrespectful of her, openly flirting with other women and openly crossing the line, such as staring at other women when his own wife is talking to him or hesitating when others flirt with him. And people say "oh but it's normal to still be attracted to others when you're married!" but there's a complete difference between attraction and his sleazy behaviour. That's what annoys me so much, not Phil Dunphy who is a gimmick character, but people who are insisting his behaviour is totally acceptable and that's just what a normal, healthy marriage looks like. The whole show, Phil belittles Claire, jokes about her uptightness even though she has to be strict because she literally gets no help, even makes a "marriage is prison" joke (which Claire does call him out on it), he has the most divorced dad energy I've ever seen. And yet people expect women to see him as a perfect cute baby husband who is harmless, and not what he actually is, a grown fucking man.

I keep thinking about how many of my girlfriends dated incompetent, lazy, dependent and pathetic men and excused their behaviour saying "oh no he just doesn't understand thesse things!" "yeah he forgot my birthday for the 3rd time in a row but you know how he is!" "oh yeah i hate it when he does that but you know how guys are!" Women constantly give men the benefit of the doubt (while never offering women the same benefit) and they use it to get away with being more useless.

This just sums up a big problem I have with dating. Women from birth to adulthood are raised into being the perfect wives and eventually the perfect mothers. I mean just look at the women in MF, Claire, a perfect household leader who takes care of everything that needs to be done for her family while her husband gets away with being a disney dad, and Gloria, the hot trophy woman who giggles and makes snarky replies when her husband throws racist or objectifying comments at her. They have created fantasy stereotypes of what a woman should be like that caters to men (all while denegrating said fantasies), but have never done so for men. Men are not, and have never been taught to be good husbands and fathers. The few advice they get on this does not come from women, or with women's needs in mind, but from other men, with the idea of impressing other men down the line.

#modern family #female dating strategy #FDS #people on reddit were saying that it wasn't #weaponized incompetence #because he was clueless about it #and so somehow that made it harmless ??? #it's still incompetence and you are still a burden on the household aka the wife

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

Em! I'm back from the pits of hell to tell you I'm in love with Princess!

I've been a bit lost since chapter 12 of My Heart came out but I'm back to profess my love and obsession ha!

First off, I'm so sorry that you had to go through the whole plagiarism thing. You put so much effort into your writing, the translations of High Valyrian... and to see how they just felt entitled to copy it was infuriating. I'm glad you're back and that you blessed us with that amazing rewriting of Gevivys. The new chapter 3 it's just ughh. Daemon really gave me the creeps in that one. Heh

For the last chapter of My Heart! loved that part of babey and the dragon eggs. I don't know why but I could just picture her and Rhaenyra so vividly with their hands covered in blood touching the eggs and triggering the magic✨ to make them hatch.

Also... honestly in awe at how much Viserys sucks at being both king and a dad. Hah. He really just lost his chance of being close to his new grandbabies...

For the new installment I really like the way you write the POV of babey and her perception of all of these events. It reads very natural for the train of thought of a small child. Oh! And the interactions between baby Babey and Uncle Daemon are just, ugh, perfect to add to the ick factor in their relationship and how it develops in the future.

There's so much more I want to say about the chapters but my brain is not braining. Lol.

Anyway, hope you're doing well and that you have a great weekend!

-V

Aaaaah, thank you, V! I'm so glad you've enjoyed all the work I've put out lately. This newest instalment is a weird one for me as it's such a departure thematically from the rest of the series. Definitely squicky in retrospect, which is fun!

Still shitted off about the plagiarism, but oh well. I did what I had to do in dealing with that, to be honest. It's not the most savoury of ways to address it, but I can't help but notice that no one's attempted to rip me off since. Someone told me shortly after the first go around that I ought to make it so that it wasn't worth the effort of plagiarising off me - that I should make things as difficult as possible to send the message that I wouldn't accept this sort of thing. I ended up doing that the second go around; what does frustrate me is that people legitimately ended up deciding I was somehow the bad guy in that. I won't accept my hard work being ripped off, point-blank. I don't care about the context, I don't care if it's "only fanfiction". I guess those who have a problem with that can find someone else's work to read. I enforced my boundary, and I've taught some people a really valuable lesson.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the rewrite of gevivys! It was plaguing me, the lack of complexity. I'm so much happier with it now! It feels more in-tune with the universe and the characters I've tried to establish.

Vissie T can get wrecked, lol. Nah, but I do actually have a lot of compassion for the guy; Babey and Daemon don't view him favourably, but I can see how he's been shoehorned into the role he is playing. He has no choice; Daemon got a high-ranking dude killed on hearsay. What else is he supposed to do as king? It's a lose-lose situation.

Thank you so much for your lovely ask, V! So sorry it took forever to answer, lol!

#fanfiction comments

[reyiosa]

.

It’s been three months. The anger is at a simmer. The pain no longer stabs. The bitterness lingers.

For years I’ve had coworkers going to weddings for their friends. My friends are going to weddings for their friends. No one in my circle is getting married any time soon. I thought he and I would be the first.

I have no illusions anymore that it was a perfect relationship, nor that we should’ve gotten married or that we would’ve stayed married. There was so much little shit that I ignored for the sake of peace (of being wanted) that I can release now, but the only one that matters is how afraid we were to talk to each other. The most honest we’d been in years was on the deathbed of our relationship.

I imagine so many scenarios where I see him or his family again:

I meet with his mother to hand off the two paintings made by his grandmother that I can no longer bear to unwrap. She asks me how I am and I say nothing. Nothing but, “Thank you for everything. Thank you for being kind.” Anything else is sharper than she deserves. She’s not the one I’m angry with.

Some mutual friend makes a misguided effort to Make Peace and invites us to the same get-together. As soon as I see him, I stare. I turn around and walk out. I say nothing the entire time. I’m strong and I’m proud. I’ve set my boundaries and I will enforce them.

I see him in public. On the street, at the same restaurant, at an event. He stares at me, I refuse to acknowledge his presence. I say nothing. I am strong, I am strong, I am strong.

The entire fantasy is strength in vulnerability. My pain brings guilt, my strength negates pity. But it’s all fantasy. I drove past the intersection that leads to his parents’ house and I nearly cried.

If I think about him, all I think about is how suddenly I wasn’t wanted.

How suddenly I went from being held to being dropped. How much my brain doesn’t remember from our relationship, and how much I don’t mind that. How much I want to forget so that I don’t have to swallow the sorrow anymore.

I’ve told a few people that I want to talk about him like he’s dead. There was a Him that dates me, loved me, held me, and he’s dead now, because that Him would never have torn himself from me like that. I’ve told him and others that I don’t want to see his face for the rest of the year.

I don’t know how to face the fact that he’s still alive. I don’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s the same man. I need my metaphors to scaffold my heart. Life needs to go on, and I don’t have the strength to rebuild from scratch.

I miss being held.

#if you’re reading this no you’re not

[ashesandhackles]

The Hogwarts Express scene in Prince's Tale: A Sirius and Snape analysis

I really, really enjoy Sirius and Snape as characters and their respective narrative functions in story. But what gets me most about them is how much Rowling hints about their backgrounds and so much of it makes sense with regard to who they are as adults. So I am going to be breaking down a very small scene from Prince Tale and getting into long winded hypothesis about their respective childhoods.

So, let's start with Snape. The scene begins with Snape rushing to find Lily, already in his Hogwarts clothes. Harry notes he must have been eager to get out of his clothes - ones that look like he borrowed from his mother, as Petunia spitefully pointed out. This has always been a very interesting detail to me - first off, it indicates how poor Snape's family is. Second, this indicates his tiny rebellion from his father - he refuses to wear clothes of the abusive man, and prefers his mother's. I admit, I am partial to the reading that Snape refuses to associate with his father in tiny ways, rather than Tobias refusing to hand his son clothes.

(I have seen readings which say that it is also a sign of neglect - perhaps his parents bought clothes that simply don't fit him, but I am more inclined to think it's a hand me down, simply because Harry identifies so strongly with it. Because Harry knows what it is like to wear a hand me down that don't quite fit, that are too big for you, or the ones that make you look ridiculous.)

Lily and Petunia's relationship is fraught with Petunia's jealousy. And young Lily is upset over it when Snape meets her. "I am not talking to you. Tuney hates me" she tells him. "Because we saw the letter from Dumbledore". Young Lily shows signs of being extremely emotionally reactive and this scene is one of them. It's easier for her to deal with Petunia's rejection of her by telling Snape she doesn't want to talk to him. It's a childish displacement of her hurt over her sister's rejection. (I am genuinely baffled by interpretations that Lily and Hermione are similar. Hermione is very cognitive person, Lily, as we have been shown repeatedly in memories, is not).

Snape, however, with his bad history with Petunia and his inability/ poor social skills to understand why this matters to her, goes: "So what?"

Lily, who throws him a look of deep dislike, says "So she's my sister". This seed is important because this is what develops into "he doesn't get me" feeling she later displays in her teenage scenes with him. Interestingly, most of Lily's personal relationships have deeply interwined love and dislike - Petunia (whose rejection bothers her but she cheerfully informs Sirius that Harry nearly broke a vase her sister sent - which means there is resentment on her end too), James - who she was attracted to even before 7th year but also disliked at one point, and Snape - again, a contentious friendship filled with love and distance.

"She's only a -" we dont get to hear what Snape intended to say. And given his own acrimony with Petunia, it could be anything. However, I read it as "She's only a Muggle" because it ties into his feelings about his father. Snape, who is proud of being half a Prince, emphasizing his magical lineage from his mother's side, his refuge in a violent, neglectful home. (Barty Crouch Jr and Snape with their disappointing fathers - I imagine Voldemort is supremely attractive leader to people with broken homes like this)

Snape, by all accounts, shows a disorganised attachment style. His caregiver, his mother - and perhaps the only parent he seems to have regard for, is too preoccupied by her own abuse to be there for her son - we see this in glimpses Harry sees in OOTP: " woman cowering" where a man shouts at her, and a young, neglected Snape cries in the corner. Children born in homes like this have trouble regulating their emotions, simultaneously displaying tendencies to aggressively lash out or show disassociative symptoms. Both of which Snape displays. Statistically, this is also seen more in low income households where economic instability and resulting domestic instability creates an unsafe environment for the kids to safely form ideas of their identity, or express emotions in healthy ways, modelling instead out of behaviour seen at home.

Then, Snape reminds her that they are going to Hogwarts. He is already in his Hogwarts clothes - now, Snape gets to be the impressive figure. The one who told her about magic, who theorised about how Muggles get letters from magical people, the one who told her about Dementors and Azkaban. He has already left behind the Spinner's End version of him, he wants to bigger than that, and is keen to be in place of magical learning and to join Slytherin. Essentially, he shows signs of unstable identity, insecurity - all prime for grooming into a cult.

And here comes along James Potter, who looks around at the mention of Slytherin. James's comment uses Snape's line and directs it to Sirius instead and it becomes a conversation between them, as a way to bond more with a fellow "rowdy boy" Sirius. Effectively ignoring the other two.

Sirius as we see here, "does not smile" when James talks about Slytherin. He essentially says something that can be construed as a way to nip that conversation in bud: "My whole family has been in. Slytherin". This suggests to me that there is some loyalty to his family there and his disillusionment with them isn't entirely fixed yet. After all, Sirius's intense loyalty to his friends, more specifically James, did not come out of thin air. It is reasonable to suggest that he felt some loyalty to his family at some point and the intensity with which he regards his friends is a reaction to burned off and being a "displaced person without a family" as Rowling put it.

Interestingly, while his reaction to his mother and Bellatrix are obviously sore spots, his response to Regulus is comparatively quite soft. ("Stupid, idiot" - something he calls James later on in the same book, OOTP). I imagine Sirius has quite complicated feelings about his brother and he is capable of nuance (when the person isn't Snape, where his dislike seems to be borne of an intense projection): "The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters". As someone who is grown up among them, Sirius would understand that.

His framing of Regulus's need to please his parents also further highlights what exactly is the source of disillusionment. He calls Regulus "soft enough to believe them" - which means he is crediting his own intelligence to see through his parents bigoted world view. Clearly, bigotry is not something the Blacks explained in a way that Sirius, eldest of their male line and their heir, bought it. It also probably didn't help the Blacks case that Grimmauld Place is in a Muggle neighborhood and that their eldest son is a bit of a wild boy with interest in pushing boundaries. His intellectual disconnect leads to the righteous rage he later feels but it began there. (Boy, it must suck to discover that everything you have been taught to value in the world and in yourself as the heir is essentially rubbish). Since his differences with his family began with seeds of intellectual disconnect rather than on intense empathy with downtrodden, it makes him, as a pureblooded privileged boy, unable to truly understand Lupin's fears regarding his lycanthropy. Hence, the Werewolf prank (I am not getting to the Snape bit, just the Lupin bit). To James' credit, he does understand what that means for Lupin and saves all three of them from different set of consequences.

Anyway, back to the scene. James, who has made an ass of himself in front of his new friend, who he was getting along with fine until now, then goes "Blimey, I thought you seemed alright". (Btw, I find James wildly large ego kind of hilarious here, especially in light of Snape's comment about him to Sirius in OOTP: "You will know he is so arrogant that criticism simply bounces off him"). Sirius, who I believe has been raised like "royalty" as Blacks would, has good enough social skills to defuse a situation. He grins and says: "Maybe I will break the tradition".

This line is an indication of Sirius's desire for independence, an identity seperate from his family. The use of the word "tradition" is interesting. It sounds like Sirius is expected to behave in a certain way, the heir of Black family whose parents thought being a Black "made you practically royal". Adult Sirius is contemptuous of this, or their "valuable contribution to Ministry" which means they just gave gold - it tells me that any and all conditions put on him by his family were to fulfill tradition that is either worthless or holds no meaning in his eyes. The root of the emotional abuse Sirius suffers from his family is this - realising his parents love for him is conditional on him being a certain way. (In fact, you can read Regulus desire to emphasise his connection to the family as a reaction to what he sees with Sirius - Sirius does not behave, Mum and Dad don't love him). As a child with unconscious knowledge of lack of love, Sirius then acts out, they react, rinse and repeat "until he has had enough". Sirius chafes against boundaries well into adulthood and doesn't react well to people enforcing it on him, even if it is out of love for him. Cue the fire scene with Harry where he behaves as if Harry is rejecting him instead of protecting him.

Sirius asks James about where he wants to go, and Snape, who is incensed about James being insulting about a House he put stock in, which he made part of new identity (so that he is no longer that Snape boy from Spinner's End) and was in general trying to be impressive about in front of Lily, "makes a disparaging noise" once James talks of Gryffindor. Snape's response to James' : "Got a problem with that?" is interesting. He says: "If you'd rather be brawny, rather than brainy-"

This is an important value for Snape. He knows he is clever and values it. He spends his spare time inventing hexes, making great shortcuts to Potions. He has genuine thirst for learning and he hones it. In SWM, we see that he has written far more longer answers than anyone else, he is poring over his paper after exams. He even mocks Hermione's lack of inventive answers: "Answer copied word to word from the textbook, but correct in essentials". He values originality. It may be me stretching this, but I am partial to the reading: this is his way of rejecting his father once again, who is implied to be a violent man. (in other words, someone who is hypermasculine - "brawny". In fact, Snape's rejection of hypermasculinity is a huge post on it's own - Potions (brewing, cauldrons - coded as feminine arts), the doe Patronus, his proficiency in Occlumency and Legliemency (intuitive mind arts, again seen archetypically feminine) etc).

"Where are you hoping to go, seeing as you are neither?" - Sirius is quick with emotionally cutting insults. Snape hasn't even finished his sentence, but Sirius is already on his case. Which suggests growing up in a household with sharp tongues. It's a fair assumption, given Mrs Black's half mad portrait. It also tallies with Sirius's talking about his mother: "My mother didn't have a heart Kreacher, she kept herself alive out of pure spite" . The wounds are fresh enough on this. (Another interesting way Snape and Sirius act as inverse mirrors - Snape rejects his father, Sirius rejects his mother. Sirius acts as proxy for James for Harry while Snape takes on Lily's role of protecting him). However, you know who else is spiteful? Sirius.

While James is the physical bully (the tripping Snape, doing most of the bullying in SWM), Sirius attacks emotionally. ( Sample the one about Snape's appearance - "I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment, there will be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word" or even the carelessly vicious- "Put that away, before Wormtail wets himself in excitement"). Curiously, with all that talk of how his mother being spiteful, it's her room he spends time in when he is depressed. (Again, in inverse mirror way, we can talk of how Snape looks for a father figure in Dumbledore - craves his validation and is proud of Dumbledore's trust in him). We could argue it's also because Buckbeak is there, and perhaps it's the largest room in the house, but it's very telling that's where Sirius spends time when he is "in a fit of sullens". Sirius's sense of abandonment from his family, makes him look for family connections with friends - a trait he shares with Harry. Interestingly, the first time he glimpses Harry in Privet Drive, Harry is also running away from home - just like he did. Anyway, I could go on.

#harry potter analysis #severus snape #snapedom #sirius black #Sirius black analysis #snape analysis #padfoot #lily evans #lily potter #hp snack #the black family #walburga black #Tobias snape #deathly hallows chapter #the prince's tale #harry potter and deathly hallows #harry potter #meta #pro snape #hp meta

[softyoongiionly]

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Just outside the boundaries of your town, deep within the trenches of the forest sits a massive tower made from smoke-stained ivory. Decrepit and ominous, it looms over your town like a warning- like a shadow...

There are opposing rumors as to what resides in the tower.

One of them, the one that just so happens to appeal to you the most, is that there is a deity living in that tower.  

The one who knows.  

The one who blesses and curses the deserving and offers wisdom that no mortal can.  

And now, faced with the imminent demise of your family- you have no choice but to seek answers in the darkness. 

What, in god’s name, will you find?

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: demi-god! au, demi-god! Jimin, mythology, slight angst, smut, fantasy

Word count: 8k (THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PWP)

Warnings: likely inaccurate representations of greek mythology lmao, unprotected sex (wrap it up plz), mentions of violence/death, slightly spooky??? allusions to corruption and murder (non-explicit), JIMIN (cause he’s always a warning), probably a messy plot cause I went feral with this one. parts are unedited oops. 

A/N: i have nothing to say. this was supposed to be demon porn and now we have a completely new au. SOMEONE PLEASE STOP ME. okay anyways,,,, i love u. 

Corruption.  

It ran rampant through your town like the plague, devouring everything in its path. One right after another, you have seen it swallow those who you had come to respect; good town folk, who at one time, moved through the world with a moral compass stronger than the one you felt you possessed, had now fallen ill to the disease.  

And you understood...to an extent. The universe was not a benevolent dealer. It randomly assigns cards to its patrons and cares not about the outcome- or the losses. You understood that sometimes people were simply without a winning hand.  

But the need to win was still present.  

However, your town was spoiled with a type of greed that wafted through the streets and turned everything to mold. Neighbor betraying neighbor, partner betraying partner- even mother’s betraying their children...

All to please one man...

Lord Instinctus was the ruler of your province. Born into nobility, he took over the position after his father passed away and began turning the tides in his favor. Taxes were raised, work hours following suit and, harsh punishments were administered to anyone who dared questioned the new system. He forced your town to pledge their loyalty to him on the day he took over and sent ‘enforcers’ to hide out in the town in search of any signs of rebellion.  

However, his cruelty was not unique. Too many men have followed the path paved before them and suckled at the teet of avarice, until they were compelled to out do one another.

To outkill one another...

What made Lord Instinctus unique was the fact that he had never shown his face before. During his initiation into the noble court, the townspeople were given blindfolds and told to face away from their Lord and simply listen. Few people broke the rules but, the ones who did were immediately executed.  

You still remember the shudder that ran through your body as you heard the sound of your townspeople hitting the pavement. From that point on, the tone was set. Insubordination means death; the terms were simple.  

The lack of knowledge and the possibility of death didn’t stop speculation from blooming. In fact, the appearance of the Lord was essentially the usual topic of conversation at every pub on the main street. After the freeing of spirits, both liquid or otherwise, the rumors begin pouring into the atmosphere.

“He’s probably horribly deformed...”

“Inbreeding is common amongst the nobility; it would make sense...”

“My cousin walked by the villa the other day, he said Lord Invictus had a tail!”

“A tail you say?! So is he some sort of hybrid?!”

“Oh please, that’s preposterous- he's probably just hideous...”

You bite your bottom lip, as you wipe the whiskey from the chestnut countertop, resisting the urge to smirk. Bartending was certainly not a glamorous job but, it paid your taxes and helped put food on the table for you and your family.  

Glamorous it was not but, amusing it definitely was.  

“I bet you he still beds a new woman every night though...”

“A pretty face ain’t worth more than all that gold he has aye?”

“Maybe he’s cursed...”

“That wouldn’t surprise me either- I hear noble families make deals with the magic folk all the time.”

“If you all want to know so bad, why don’t you just pay the tower a visit?”

With that meager suggestion, the bustle of the pub comes to halt- all eyes now on the man who mentioned a topic that is normally banned from public spaces.

“What? You can’t tell me you haven’t wondered what was up there...”

“We know what’s up there-”

“Or rather- who's up there.”

Just outside the boundaries of your town, deep within the trenches of the forest sits a massive tower made from smoke-stained ivory. Decrepit and ominous, it looms over your town like a warning- like a shadow...

It’s said to be the home a monster.  

The tower was used as a prison for the most dastardly of criminals. For years, just before the establishment of your town, it served as a last resort for the rotten underbelly of society. Countless lives were taken, madness ensued- until the revolution came. The tower was set aflame by revolutionaries but for whatever reason, it did not crumble.  

The ivory merely sizzled and turned gray and then over time, it turned black. For years it was abandoned until one day, just after sunset, light emanated from the tower once more. Onlookers who were near the building went inside to see if some vagrant had moved in.  

And they never returned...

Several spiritual advisors have visited the town, including religious figures from various faiths, and they have all arrived at the same conclusion: a demon has taken residence in the tower. Despite the efforts to bless the building, the light comes on every evening.  

Thus, it is assumed that the demon remains unharmed.  

“What about Mrs. Jeon? She left offerings for the beast and her son was cured of the plague the next morning.”

“Or Mr. Kim- he left one as well and found gold in his backyard that very night...”

“You aren’t suggesting there is a benevolent being in that tower, are you? Should I remind you of how many disappearances have occurred?”

There are opposing rumors you suppose.  

One of them, the one that just so happens to appeal to you the most, is that there is a deity living in that tower.  

The one who knows.  

The one who blesses and curses the deserving and offers wisdom that no mortal can.  

“Hey here’s a thought- how about Jacob tests his theory eh? Why don’t you go down and find out yourself? Report back to us with your findings...”

The pub erupts with laughter now, the uneasiness slowly melting away from the room.  

You elect to keep your thoughts to yourself, as you finish up counting the money you had made from that evening- making sure to leave a portion for the incoming team.  

The bite of the winter wind is harsh and untamed as it scraps across your skin, causing you to hurriedly put your coat on. It feels like winter never ends in your town and if it weren’t for the fact that your family stocks up throughout the year, you would be worried where your next meal is coming from.  

Walking down the street towards your home, you catch sight of the tower in the distance. The way the windows begin to glow, almost makes you feel like it’s somehow staring back at you- taunting you.  

You would be lying if you said it didn’t tempt you.  

It always has.  

Even as a young girl, you remember being drawn to the infamy, to the danger...

Your mother always told you that being curious was a good thing, that it led the greatest minds of humankind. You kept that with you as you moved through life, trying your best to understand what your purpose was.  

But times were hard...

With a malevolent lord hanging over the morale of your town, digging his fingers into the heart and soul of your people and crippling them with eternal debt, it was causing you to look for answers.  

And you were beginning to look in some unorthodox places.

Dinner with your family soothes the aching curiosity in your chest as you try and remind yourself of all the things you have to be grateful for. After your meal, you wrestle your little brother into his bed before telling him his favorite bedtime story. Once his eyelids have kissed, you turn out his light and move into the main room to wish sweet dreams upon your parents.  

And although the pleasantries are nice, there are a few things throughout the evening that disturbed you.  

The limp in your father’s movement.

The blisters on your mother’s hands.

The bags beneath the otherwise unburden gaze of your little brother.  

Exhaustion was palpable.  

Living beneath the weight of a corrupt leadership will do that to you.

As your head hits the pillow, you can hear your mother murmur in desperation.

“I won’t have enough to pay him this week...what are we going to do?”

“I can work extra hours at the mill- we will figure it out.”

“How could you possibly work any longer-”

You feel your chest twist with guilt as you hear the crack in your mother's voice.

“You’re falling apart my love...if you continue pushing yourself this way, I’m afraid I will lose you and I can’t- I can’t-”

The muffled nature of her cries suggests that your father has pulled her in for a hug, trying to erase the inevitable with his affection.  

“We will endure, I promise. Just hang on a little longer.”

With your father’s final words, their conversation begins to die down.  

This can’t possibly go on much longer. You might be able to pick up more hours at the pub and, perhaps procure a second job but, the dues will never end.  

Your family will never exist for any other reason aside from paying to the noble family.  

So you make a decision. Hard work clearly isn’t the answer and revolution would only shed innocent blood. If the practical world had nothing else to offer then, you would seek answers from beyond.  

Your parents retired to their rooms shortly after their conversation but, you wait until you’re sure the house has fallen silent before you make your next move. Embarking on this mission would be simple but what lies at your destination is anything but; so, you try to be prepared for the possible outcomes.

Wrapping yourself in the thickest coat you can find, you slip your dagger beneath the onyx material and slowly creep out of your bedroom.  

The streets were still bustling with life; your town rarely ever rests and the pubs and shops are open well past midnight.  

It might sound like the product of a vibrant town but, it’s mainly due to the ever-present demand for profit.  

Limited hours mean limited sales.

Thankfully, no one really notices your presence as you traverse your way down the streets and through the alleyway. The noise echoing from the main street slowly diminishes and makes way for the sound of the wind dancing through the trees. The forest itself does not frighten you. You grew up memorizing it with your father as he taught you the fundamentals or foraging and gardening. The sound of the owls is expected as is the chill that runs up your spine with the increase of the breeze.  

However, as you near the tower- fear begins to slither its way into your veins. It’s quite a sickening feeling as it seems to stop you in your tracks but, you push on anyway- determined to finish what you have started.

The wrought iron surrounding the tower is stained with rust, corroded and crackling with age, the creaking of its bars alarms you, stopping you in your tracks and forcing you to look up.  

And there it is: the tower.  

It stands above you like a menacing giant and although it’s presence should deter you, it doesn’t. Making an effort to be as silent as you can, you slip past the opening in the gate and begin walking up the broken cobblestone pathway.  

There is nothing but dirt surrounding the perimeter of the tower and other than the moon, the only light before you is coming from the very top window. It’s glowing but the color isn’t stable- it's as if it were shifting slowly from red to green to blue and then back again. Faced with the wooden French doors, you question the idea of knocking.  

If someone truly did live here, it would only be polite...right?

With a shaky hand, you knock three times as loudly as you can. For a moment there is nothing, but just as you ready your hand to knock again, the door groans and begins to slowly creak open.  

The already unstable heartbeat in your chest begins to rattle without mercy as you brace yourself for whatever horrible creature might lay on the other side. Instead, however, there is no one.  

The door opens entirely to reveal that instead of the simple but filthy interior you expect from an abandoned tower such as this one, there is a rather decadent home. Large marble pillars extend upwards seemingly holding nothing in place while glamorous furniture positions itself through the foray. Everything is cooled tone with greys and shades of blue, black often lining the borders of the funiture. There is no lantern, the moon lighting up the interior of the room just as it led your path up to the door.  

The layout doesn’t make sense.  

The tower is cylindrical and doesn’t offer enough space for such an open floor plan so, how is it that the inside looks like lavish mansion?

You swallow your fear and newfound confusion as you tentatively look around the expanse of the room.

“Hello?”

Nothing.  

You take a deep breath and decide that the likelihood of someone (or something) answering that call is slim, especially given the way you were welcomed into the tower in the first place.  

You place your hand inside your pocket, gripping the dagger for good measure before beginning to make your way towards the staircase. The moonlight is sufficient enough at first but for whatever reason, as you begin making your way up the stone staircase, the interior of the tower seems to slowly darken. Your grip on the dagger tightens as you stop walking, frozen in your steps, cursing yourself for embarking on a journey so reckless.  

Suddenly, all of the light from the room vanishes, forcing a gasp from your throat. You manage to grip the railing to steady yourself but you have no idea what you are to do next.  

And then, someone speaks.

“Well- you’re awfully far from home...aren’t you?”

The sound of the voice rushes through your senses much like the wind did. It’s too sweet for your liking but, it entrances you none the less.

“Who are you?”  

As much as you try to steady your breathing, the way your voice cracks, gives you away instantly.

Laughter bounces off the stone walls, sinister and playful all at once before the voice speaks again,

“Don’t you think that’s a question I should be asking you? You are the intruder after all...”

Disembodied or not, the voice makes a valid point. You did walk in unannounced and you most certainly weren’t invited.  

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” The strength in your voice comes back slightly as you grip the railing a bit tighter, “I came here because- “

“I know why you’re here...” The voice is much closer now, likely positioned at the top of the stairs, “Humans are so predictable; always looking for a handout.”

This offends you greatly and regardless of the amount of danger you might be in, you let the voice know anyway.

“I am not looking for a hand out. My family and I work from sunrise until sunset to make ends meet. I’m here to make an offering- not merely to take whatever miracles that you make.” Stronger and stronger, your voice rises to the occasion, preparing itself to either spar with the beast or scream for help.

“Miracles hm?” Sinister laughter slinks down the staircase, practically teasing the exposed skin of your neck, “Is that what you think I do?”  

You swallow the bile that creeps up your throat, “I’ve heard many stories- but I wanted to see for myself. Some of my people claim you’ve blessed them but, the clergy said a demon lived here...”

“Oh?” It rises with inquisition, “And you came anyway? Do I have a heretic in my presence?”  

Shaking your head does nothing in the darkness but it’s instinctual, “I don’t believe in demons- at least, not the kind who dwell in abandoned towers.”

“Is there a kind you do believe in then?”  

There is something in you that urges you forward, captivated by the sweet sound of the voice above you, desperate to view the owner and desperate to see the moonlight again.

“Hell is nothing but a metaphor and it’s demons all the same. There is plenty of evil here, plenty of suffering- by definition, there is a demon ruling over my town- he is draining us of our resources for his own gain. I couldn’t imagine a more accurate representation.”

Suddenly, you hear the sound of boots clicking slowly and steadily down the stone stairs. You brace yourself, still feeling frozen in your place- wishing to see whoever or whatever is front of you.

“If I did make miracles,” It muses and, now you’re able to discern that it’s only a few steps in front of you, “What exactly would you be offering me in return?”

Taking a deep breath through your nose, you place all your effort into trying to make out whether or not there was an actual owner to this voice. Finally, your eyes adjust enough to see the faint shadow of a figure which appears to be sitting on the second set of stairs.  

“Name your terms, I will do my best.”  

“Ah ah-” The voice corrects along with a side of twinkling laughter, “That isn’t how this works...”

You’re growing frustrated with the apparent mind games but, you know it’s in your best interest to be patient; you still don’t know what you’re dealing with.

“How does it work then?”

Silence passes through the air for a moment before the voice speaks again, “You must bring me the thing you treasure the most so, that I may know your true intentions- I cannot help you until I can see you properly.”

You snort, “You’d be able to see me if you hadn’t wiped the light from this room...”

Laughter comes again but this time, it’s lower and deepened with suggestion, “I’m not referring to physical sight, human. You might not be able to see in the dark but, I can.”

For whatever reason, its response sounds salacious and riddled with an innuendo that you’re slightly afraid to comment on.  

And the reaction it creates within you, only frightens you further.  

“I’ve just told you that I barely have enough money to scrape by- I don’t have anything of value to give you.”  

“I never asked you to bring me anything of value nor did I ask you to give it away- you’re not listening very well...I don’t know how I’m supposed to help you if you can’t follow instructions.”

It sounds irritated and fond all at once, prompting you to nod immediately, not wanting to upset your only shot at freedom.

“I’m sorry.” You breathe, “I’m just-”

“Don’t lie to me...”

Your gaze strains to try and make out the expression of the figure in front of you but, its futile- the darkness impeding your effort.

“What do you mean?”

“You were going to tell me that you’re scared.” The voice accuses, “But you’re not- even though, you most certainly should be.”  

It wasn’t wrong. You should have ran when the door opened on its own, when the lights began to dim, when a voice began speaking to you...

But you didn’t.

You were undeniably intrigued.  

“Are you going to hurt me?”

An insidious bought of laughter comes from the figure before it sighs, “Hmmm, maybe a little bit.”

When your lips part with something that resembles shock, the laughter comes again only slowing to a halt for the sound of the figure’s tongue tutting against its teeth.

“You are a curious girl...” It observes, “...promises of harm should not excite you and yet- excitement flows from you anyway. Why?”

It kills you to refrain from denying it but, you have no choice.

“Your voice-” A sigh leaves your lips, “it’s very intriguing.”

Maybe it’s part of the creature's abilities, you think, its voice is the main weapon to lure unsuspecting and vulnerable humans into its clutches. The only question is-  what happens once it has you.

“Is it now?” The voice sounds intrigued, “Most humans don’t seem to think so. Are you sure you’re hearing me right, girl? I’ve been told my voice is the thing of nightmares.”

This perplexes you; how could anyone possibly think such a voice was frightening? Despite this creature being anything but human, it sounds very much like a man- a warm and mischievous man who seems hellbent on getting you into bed.  

“What does my voice sound like to you?” It asks, a smile in its tone.

You ponder this question for a second, realizing very quickly that you can’t exactly tell this creature that it sounds like it’s trying to seduce you. But still, that does seem to be the only appropriate description.

“Sort of...like a melody.”

Laughter comes again but, this time it’s paired with the moonlight slowly fading back into the tower, covering every surface until it finally reveals the appearance of the figure.  

Beautiful.  

Not an it but a he...

A man with wings.  

On the steps before you, he stands, leaning casually against the railing now. Atop his head is a tousled mop of sapphire hair, just below are his eyes- nearly black and hooded with the same seduction as his voice and cloaking his figure is a black linen ensemble fitted only by the same color corset. His pillowy lips and soft skin would be a masterpiece on their own but coupled with the giant pair of onyx wings protruding proudly from his back- his visuals become simply devastating.  

“What do you see?” He smirks, licking over his lips.

Unable to resist, you shake your head in complete awe, all of the sensible words dying before they leave your throat, “You- are you an angel?”

The light allows you to see him now as his head tilts another round of laughter, “Try again...you’re very close.”

Perhaps the clergy was right...

“A demon then...” You resign because despite your previously-held beliefs, if this really was a demon, then you know very well you shouldn’t be dealing with him. “I should go.”

His smirk broadens, “But I thought you didn’t believe in demons?”

“I didn’t but, that’s clearly what you’re alluding to. If a winged man tells me he’s a demon, I think it’s wise that I return home.”  

Through your moment of clarity, your desire for him persists- especially now that you see what he looks like. But you know better than to make a deal with a demon, even if you are desperate.

“Do you think the universe is that simple? Angels and demons? Good and evil? You don’t think that maybe- in all of his vastness, there is a chance for the inbetweeners?” He presses and now his black eyes seem to glow, his gaze slightly hypnotic.  

Tightening your coat around your body, you stay staring at him for a moment before you respond, “Is that what you are? Something in between?”

He licks his lips, his eyes finally allowing themselves to wander over your figure. There isn’t much of you showing but, he still drinks you up regardless, exposing and exciting you all at once.  

“I was sent by the underworld to do business for the gods...” He drops his voice to a near whisper, his gaze burning a hole in you, which now aches to be filled.  

You take in a shaky breath through your nose, nodding in understanding, “Did you kill the people who disappeared here? Is that what happens when their judgment goes south?”  

He arches his brow, tilting his head with his inquiry- his voice dripping with darkness, “Maybe I did...maybe I didn’t. I don’t see how that’s relevant- especially since you’ve already decided you were leaving. Which of course-” He waves his hand then, the wooden door behind you creaking open, “-you are free to do.”

There is something about him you haven’t touched on but, it’s beginning to eat you up inside. He may be an otherworldly being, possessing the tower like a beautiful virus but, he is starting to look familiar. This of course, is hard to imagine because his beauty is so striking that you don’t see how you could ever forget it. But nonetheless, you feel like you’ve seen him before.  

And this is what has kept you frozen.  

“Will you not give me any answers?” You border on pleading but, attempt to keep your tone firm.

He chuckles, “You didn’t come to me for answers. You came for help- which I’ve already agreed to give you.”

The supernatural discourse that has transpired, thoroughly distracted you from the reasons for seeking him out in the first place. Your situation had not changed; you were still desperate for money, desperate for justice and desperate for peace.  

“You won’t hurt my family...” It’s not a question, and it leaves no room for any other response aside from the one he gives you.

“I won’t.”  

Nodding, you glance behind your shoulder towards the door, “I have to go home. I don’t have the item you asked for. I can be back within the hour...”

For the first time, he looks slightly disappointed but as you complete your sentence, he shakes his head, “No. Don't come back tonight.” He insists, “If you wish to do business with me- you must return tomorrow after midnight. I will wait for you at the shoreline.”

This confuses you, “The shoreline? Why can’t we meet here? The water is dangerous after dark.”

The smirk returns to his tender lips, “I know.”  

With that, he waves his hand again- causing the door to swing open and slam against the tower walls.

Jumping at the sound, your gaze shoots back behind you before returning to where the creature stood.  

But he had vanished.  

You have no choice but to heed his requests and rush away from the tower, the curiosity inside you almost too much to bear.  

Nothing is out of the ordinary as you walk back home, at least not at first. But when you pass the massive clock tower in the center of town, you realize something strange...

The clock hadn’t moved, not even a second.  

You remember very clearly reading the time as you hurried past it on your way to the tower and now, even as you’re staring at it, it stands perfectly still. Until suddenly, without warning, the hands of time begin to move again. The clicking almost startles you, your brain filling with a million questions despite your decision to turn away and return home.  

Time had seemingly stood still whilst you were in the tower.  

Slipping beneath the covers, you try your hardest to get to sleep despite being bombarded with images of the haunting man you had just encountered.  

You know you should be terrified.  

You know you should be wary.

But the familiarity of him has possessed you and, you’re determined to understand why.  

The next night, with your treasured object tucked securely in your coat, you make your way back to him.  

You make sure to check the clock tower before you do, logging the time away for later to see if last night had been more than just a fluke.  

12:32am.

The clock tower has never lied but, you’re starting to think it might be influenced by whatever resided in the tower- magic, beast, or otherwise.  

As you pass through the many trees, you begin to hear the chaotic crashing of the waves in the distance. The tower may be frightening but, few things could match the malevolent temper of the sea. In fact, you’ve always believed that nothing could. The sea was unrivaled in her cruelty, consuming the world at will, just for the fun of it- you've theorized that she likes the screams. During the day, she simmered- blue and serene, allowing boats to decorate her surface like candles on a birthday cake. At night though, her temper worsens and it’s as if she suddenly remembers all the injustice she has faced. Her waves swell to horrific heights, smashing into the seawalls built around your town, creeping over like a titan looking for vengeance.  

You’ve always felt pity for her. It must be hard: being the heart and soul of humanity, being responsible for the very nature of things- only to be forgotten. Only to be mistreated...

Your boots are discarded near the last patch of grass before the sand and, your toes brace themselves icy chill of the sea breeze. You’re especially thankful for the coat now as you suspect that your teeth would have already begun chattering had it not been for the thick fabric protecting you.  

The waves haven’t begun their violent dance just yet but, you can sense their temper beneath your feet. They will begin soon.  

“The sea-” The voice from the tower is behind you, “it suits you.”

Breathless, you turn to face him and even though you’re more prepared for his beauty than you were last night, it still shocks you.

He’s wearing a black silk gown, that drapes effortlessly off his body, the sleeves made out of French lace and extending well past his fingertips. His wings are shuttered behind him, folded almost modestly against his back.

“Thank you.” It’s the only response you have before you reach into the fold of your coat, “I have the-”

He holds up his hand, his voice commanding but gentle, “Wait. I want you to walk with me first. I don’t like rushing through my business deals.”

Your hand slowly retreats from your coat as you warily look behind you, “You want to walk along the shoreline? I told you, it’s too dangerous- at least for me it is, I don’t exactly have an escape mechanism attached to my back.”

He smirks, his tempting gaze flourishing with fondness you cannot place, “What causes you to mistrust the sea so much? Surely she wouldn’t hurt one of her own...”

Your brow furrows, “What do you mean?”

Extending from the confines of silk, his fingers reach out to you, fluttering with invitation, “I will show you.”

And really, you’d be a fool not to accept.  

Interlacing your fingers with his, you feel electricity simmer ever so slightly beneath your skin. You’re assuming it’s from the power that likely resides within him but, you don’t expect it to affect you so much.

The sound of the waves begins to softly roar in the distance but the water isn’t close enough to the shoreline to pose any immediate threat.

Not yet at least...

You begin walking alongside him as he leads you both in the opposite direction of your town border. For quite a few moments, he just gazes at the eternal stretch of sand before you, his soft mouth curved up ever so slightly. He looks pensive and serene all at once and, it confuses you.

“May I tell you a story?”

His request surprises you but, you aren’t really in a position to say no. And if you’re being honest, you really didn’t want to.  

“Yes.” You murmur, feeling compelled to keep your volume at a minimum.

He smiles softly to himself, glancing towards the water briefly before beginning.  

“The water has many gods...” He speaks softly, letting out a sigh, “Lir, Irish god of the sea, Tefnut, Egyptian goddess of the rain, Amimitl, Aztec god of lakes and fisherman...” His explanation already has you interested. You were taught much of the stories beyond your land but, it had always fascinated you, “The gods of the sea are known for the temperate nature, they often stay away from humans and avoid interfering with the mortal coil. Death by water is merely a request they carry out for the gods of death and destruction and thus, there is goddess who rules over the violence of the sea itself.”

Just as he finishes his sentence, the temper of the sea seems to roar to life, the swollen waves crashing aggressively, still not close enough to reach you.

Not yet at least...

“Cymopoleia, is the goddess of violent sea storms. Poseidon, her father, tasked her with overseeing the malignant waters and tending to the causalities. She was not the creator of the storms but she carried the ability.” He moves through the story as if he has told it a 100 times but he seems captivated by it nonetheless, “When it came time for her to bear a child. She conjured up a spirit from within her very core. She crafted them out of the essence of the sea and placed them inside of clamshell in her palace. She was awaiting the full moon when someone snuck into the depths of the ocean and stole them from her.”

The gasp that leaves your lips cannot be helped, you didn’t realize how engrossed you were until suddenly you recognize the port from another town nearby.

You had been walking awhile.

“Why would someone do that?” You press, shaking your head.

He sends a solemn look your way, “Many thoughtless humans believe that if they capture the essence of a god, they will become one themselves. Foolishly, he opened the clam shell and released the spirit into the world. By the time the goddess found him, it was too late- but she delegated his fate anyway. She took his life beneath the depths of a violent storm and placed a curse upon anyone who shared his bloodline. She made it so that any one of his descendants would bear the physical embodiment of his fate.”

“So, they look like they’ve died at sea?”

He can’t help but smirk, a bit of the darkness you saw at the tower, beginning to creep back. “Indeed. They are horribly disfigured and regardless of their efforts, they all meet the same fate. His lineage believes that if they send enough offerings out to sea or if they build high enough walls, that they will somehow escape their deaths. But of course, this if futile- the goddess vowed that she would continue to collect them until her spirit was returned.”  

His story ends and it’s like something clicks within you. Without warning, you squeeze his hand, slowing both of you to a stop, just before the light of the upcoming pier hits you.  

“Does this have something to do with my town? Is that why you’re telling me this?”  

Lord Invictus certainly fit the description for a descendent of this thief and, although it bores no sense of logic- you have no choice but to believe it anyway.  

It all fits together too well...

He turns towards you now, his smirk now a small smile, “It has to do with you Y/N.”

Your brow furrows, “Me? What do you mean?”

He nods to your coat, something otherworldly lingering in his eyes, “I’d like to see what you’ve brought with you now.”

Still riddled with confusion, you reach inside your coat and find that the item you had brought with you (a beaded necklace gifted to you at birth by your parents) had turned into something else.  

And now, sitting in the palm of your hand- was a clamshell.  

“What is this? This isn’t what I brought to you- I-” You begin to panic, confusion and fear starting to take over, “Did you do this? Did you take my necklace?”

Finally, the sinister smirk returns as his wings begin to unfurl from behind his back. Along with his shift in expression, another danger is brewing very close to you- you can feel it.  

The sea is growing irritated and whipping the wind and the water up into a frenzy. As you look toward the water, you have no choice but to look on in horror as you see the beginning of something deadly.  

A rogue wave.

The grip on your hand tightens as his extraordinary strength keeps you in place.  

“I think it’s time I formally introduce myself-” His voice is loaded with bad intentions but it sounds sweet anyway as he burns his gaze into yours, “My name is Jimin. Son of Tartarus, the god of punishment and Nyx, the goddess of the night.”

Your eyes are wide with desperation, not fully registering what he said before he’s yanking you against his chest and turning you to face the sea. Standing behind you, he unleashes a spell of wicked laughter as his wings unfurl from behind is back to wrap around the both of you, so that the only thing you’re able to see is the wall of water coming for you.  

“I have to come to send you home Y/N...your mother has been waiting for you a very long time.”

His arms are wrapped around you now, crushing you against his chest as his wings begin flapping- the wind picking up furiously around you.

“Jimin!” You scream, eyes welling up with tears, “You promised you wouldn’t hurt me! You promised! Why are you doing this to me?!”

He laughs at you, and it isn’t necessarily malevolent but merely amused, as if he in on a joke you weren’t part of.

“Shhhh, quiet down my little sea nymph...” He whispers salaciously into your ear, “...your fate will be painless.”

You’re crying now, digging your nails into his skin, attempting to break free as the massive creature that is the ocean rushes towards you without mercy. The crest of the wave arches above you proudly, the swirling darkness of the water mocking the mere audacity of your existence but, as you brace for impact- it never comes.  

Only the darkness does...

And it’s the darkness that consumes you.  

“Jimin!” A voice breaks into your subconscious, luring you out of what you hope was a nightmare, “You couldn’t have brought her home without scaring her? She was practically driftwood when she arrived here.”

That familiar twinkle of laughter sounds then and, it forces your eyes open.  

“I’m sorry your grace- it's just in my nature.” He defends poorly, still chuckling to himself, “I can’t imagine my brothers are doing much better.”

You are somewhere extraordinary, that much is certain. Above your immediate line of sight is an ornate glass ceiling that seems to glow a cerulean blue. All around you are gold furnishings, each decorated with various moldings of sea creatures.  

“She’s awake!”  

Your vision, still slightly cloudy, now lands upon a being so beautiful- that you have to blink a few times to ensure you’re seeing the right thing. Draped in blue silk and decorated with gold and pearls, is a woman who looks at you with nothing but love in her eyes.

“Oh my- its really you...”

She seems tentative but, you’re suddenly overcome with joy- filled with an almost cosmic sense of peace.  

“Mother!” You cry, rushing off of the bed you were laying on and into her arms.  

She takes you in her arms immediately, her skin cool against yours like the tepid waters of the bay. She sniffles, tightening her grip on you,

“I knew you’d come home...I knew one day I would find you.”

And it really doesn’t make much sense does it?

How could your life swing so violently from one direction to the next?

Your life on earth seems so insignificant now...now that you’re back with her.  

Cymopoleia- queen of violent sea storms and, your mother.  

She explains it all to you, gently stroking your hair and fawning over you.  

The spirit in the depths was you. Born into a human body, you were fated to one day meet with the demi-god of darkness, who with a bit of trickery- would return you to your rightful place in the cosmos.  

Your mother assures you that your mortal family would be relieved of your memory until it was safe for you to visit them, until the gods of fate decide. In addition, Lord Invictus would be the last of the bloodline to pay for what his ancestor had done and, the fog of greed and corruption- which begin the day you were born, would soon be lifted.  

The explanation is long and doesn’t leave you completely fulfilled but, your mother assures you that you have all the time in the world to understand the complexity of the universe.  

Hours later, after you’ve had a decent feast, your mother instructs Jimin to escort you to your bedroom.  

As he leads you down the hallway towards your chambers, you send a playful glare his way, “So- how much of what you told me was a lie?”

He merely smirks, “None of it.”

You scoff, “Even the part of about your voice? And all that nonsense about excitement and me being curious? You knew all along what was to happen- you just tricked me.”

Jimin chuckles darkly, stopping just outside your bedroom door before turning to you, “The part about my voice frightening people wasn’t a lie, Y/N. My father is the god of punishment, any mortal that hears my voice usually cowers in fear...”

“Is that why I felt so drawn to you? Because you were meant to take me home?”  

His smirk broadens, “No...you feel drawn me because you want to fuck me.”

Your mouth goes completely dry at his bold statement but, you are unable to deny it- your fingers suddenly twitching at your side.

“Wh-”

“It’s not your fault really...” He murmurs, his body shifting towards you, “...it’s just the way I was made. I am used to people lusting after me- however,” Jimin reaches out then, to brush his thumb over the swell of your cheek, “-I have never known true lust until I had the pleasure of meeting you.”

“You lust for me?” You whisper, completely drawn up with desire- finally allowing your true nature, the nature of a demi-goddess pour out of your soul.

He licks his lips, his gaze upon you timid as he presses his thumb into your face, “I do.”  

You turn to the side suddenly, capturing his thumb between your lips, “Show me.”

It's all it takes: that one phrase of consent being enough to unleash all the urges within him.

You’re inside your chamber seconds later, Jimin clawing at the fabric of your robe, his fingers digging into your skin as he does, his lips latching on to every part of you he can reach.

“I knew the moment you walked into my tower-” He grunts, “I knew- there was no way a mortal could be tempting, so dreadfully seductive.”

You sigh hopelessly, raking your hands through the sapphire tendrils on his head, your lips ghosting along the swell of his cheek, the tail of his brow, the shell of his ear...

“In the underworld...” He’s practically growling now, scratching his nails up the newly exposed skin of your back, “We are never taught to refuse our desires. You were my greatest challenge- it took everything in me not to devour you right there.”

You smirk now, positioning your lips at his ear, “I wouldn’t have known what to do with you though- aren't you glad you were patient?”

He grunts again, pressing his hips against yours defiantly, “Patience is for virtuous gods- “ He doesn't answer your question but, you know that he means yes. In spite of his darker nature, Jimin still believes in doing the right thing.... most of the time.  

He has you on the bed moments later, his wings spreading proudly. He’s panting, his eyes completely black with lust as he nudges your legs open, determined to finally taste what he’s been craving.  

For the demi-god of darkness, denying his desires for even a second is painful. He aches to fufill them over and over again...

You were certainly no exception.  

But you want to keep teasing him...

Reaching down, you spread yourself open for him- feeling the visceral substance of your arousal sticking to your inner thighs.

“What are you waiting for then?” You lean up, grasping your hand behind his neck and staring directly into the abyss that is his gaze, “Defile me...”

Jimin growls, sliding into you instantly, his hands quickly bracing themselves on either side of your head. He smirks as your eyes roll back the sheer pleasure of him inside of you causing your nipples to harden.  

“Oh look at that-” He chuckles, his own expression unstable with pleasure, “Are you going brain dead already hm? Is this cock that good?”

Your eyes come back into play as you stare up at him, your hands gripping either side of his face as he starts a power rhythm within you.  

This wasn’t meant to last long, the carnal desire too much for either one of you to handle...

Perhaps, if your feelings permitted it- you'd make love another time.  

Nodding, you moan as he increases the rhythm, pressing your forehead against his own.  

“You feel so good.” You whisper, “I didn’t know it could- oh...” A whimper leaves your lips as he hits that spot inside of you, the pleasure completely ruining your ability to speak.

“Of course you didn’t- you’ve only ever let mortals play with your pretty cunt haven’t you?” He laughs, mocking you and cooing all at once, “And now that I’ve gotten ahold of it, you’re never going to want anyone else. I will ruin you ugh-” He finally breaks, his own brow furrowed with the onslaught of his release as you tighten around him, “-ugh fuck yes. I can feel how badly your cunt wants me- it's like you’re begging me to cum.”

“I want you to cum,” You whisper shakily, kissing at his mouth, “Fill me up please, I need it.”

He growls, kissing you back with just as much fervor, his hips moving so fast that the pleasure fucks with your vision.  

“I’m going to make a mess of you, they will smell me on you until I can come back-” He promises, smirking ever so slightly, “and then- I'll paint the inside of you all over again won’t I? Such a masterpiece this cunt will be...and you’ll be all mine, cumming only for me.”  

And he wasn’t wrong because, mere seconds later- the two of you are cumming all over one another, ruining the silk sheets with your release and clawing desperately at one another.  

With the mutual utterance of your names, Jimin collapses beside you and, moments later- when you get your wits about you, he is ushering you onto his chest.  

Sweaty, exhausted and satisfied, you lay together in silence for quite a while.

Until finally you speak, “I’m not quite sure what came over me.”

Jimin chuckles but this time, the sound is much warmer than you’re used to, “Immortal lust, it’s a blessing and a curse but, eternal life has to stay interesting somehow.”

You trace patterns on his chest whilst he covers your body with one of his wings, the feathers teasing at your sensitive skin.

“Did you mean it?”  

And he doesn’t even bother asking, he knows exactly what you’re referring to.

“I want you.” He affirms, “If you’ll have me- I felt quite possessive of you then but, I won’t insist on anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

You smile, tracing a heart directly over the spot where his heart would beat, “It fits doesn’t it? You and I?”

If the past few days have taught you anything, it is that sometimes- it is appropriate to succumb to fate. Sometimes, believing in the simplicity of destiny works out. Being with Jimin felt right and, for now, this was enough.  

“It does.” His statement is simple but his expression says it all: he is elated.

You fall back into comfortable silence once again before one more pressing question leaves your lips, “Did I hear you mention something about your brothers earlier?”

Jimin nods, his eyes half-closed as he cuddles closer to you, “You did. I have six of them.”

“Are they- like you?” You murmur, unable to stop your curiosity.

He nods again, “They are.”

You think one more question will suffice but, his answer will unfortunately bring about a thousand more, “Are they all on missions too?”

Jimin’s trademark smirk shows itself once again as he snickers, “They are-” He repeats before a great sense of pride comes over his expression...

“I was just the first one to return.”

A/N: should this be a series? asking for a friend...

#ficswithluv #bangtansorciere #jimin #park jimin #bts #bts jimin #jimin smut #jimin x reader #bts smut #bts writing #jimin writing #jimin fanfic #bts au

[hyak-wixgar]

My friend beloved sent me a spoiler about this and now that i think i wasn't wrong i can post this here mwah

I don't know if it's true, livestream is at 3am for me so like

Please accept my thoughts on why Ashton is the best suited to be a leader in c3 squad I've been writing it for twenty minutes now

Here's why and right next up you'll get why everyone else isn't

First of all they absolutely do care deeply about their friends and we know that, we've seen it. Second we had a wonderful display of great leader traits, namely enforcing boundaries — if you're uncomfortable with doing such a quest say it right away. Like that's already excellent and we know we can trust you. Third and this is very important, he does not put fun above work, with the whole breaking and entering is a hobby thing — will not blow it for you. Might not be the serious type like most would assume a leader should be, but has the most important spots covered. Even with major minus to charisma

And here's why noone else fits

1. Laudna most definitely is too gestures vaguely. She's great and i love her, however so far she might have been a bit of a loose canon? Doesn't seem to think things through all that much, either

2. Imogen has too much to deal with in her head to pull off a leadership role, it seems like something that would quickly become overwhelming to her and as for now, she needs to be supported more than she needs to support others

3. Fearne,,,, I don't think i need to say much, she doesn't think things through at all, she's reckless, she'd lead everyone straight to jail

4. Dorian might have been an okayish candidate but he for the love of gods cannot make decisions for himself. Just looks around for approval. Not a leader type at all

5. Here i know some people would say orym but they're wrong because 1) he's not actually all that great at it and people just sorta look to him for morals which is not how you want to choose a leader and 2) he keeps acting like the most expendable part of the group, likely a leftover from being a guard, and just all around tries to get killed

6. Fresh Cut Grass my beloved it's just as clear as with Fearne he's great, the support is chefs kiss, but put them in leadership position and it's gonna blow (with 7 intelligence too)

7. And Bertrand, who was lowkey appointed as kind of a leader but absolutely is not because he. Oh come on just look at him he sorta just stumbles around trying to get back to Old glory and whatnot

#dont come for me i just had orym thoughts #anyway shoutout to my beloved who told me to post this but i didnt listen #let me feel smart goddamn it #critical role campaign 3 #ashton greymoore #fearne calloway #orym of the air ashari #imogen tamolt #laudna #fresh cut grass #bertrand bell rip #dorian storm