#Thiomi Shiaka

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"I Thought You'd Be Happy For Me."

Thiomi paced nervously around the living room of her hive as she awaited her moirail's return. Corali texted the coordinates of where she was going and told her to send Dantli there if she wasn't back in two hours. An hour and a half had already passed, and she was tempted to call him and send him there now. What if two hours is too late? She--

The sound of the boulder blocking her hive entrance being moved immediately snatched her attention, and she felt her heart leap into her throat. She prayed it was Corali and not another kidnapper as she waited for whoever was on the other side to show themselves. Her lusus stood at attention behind her ready to grab her and run in case her ward was threatened.

"Oy, Thiomi, I'm ba--" Corali greeted as she entered, but the sudden force of Thiomi running and throwing herself around her cut her off and momentarily knocked the wind out out of her. Thiomi clung as tightly as she could to her moirail, and her lusus relaxed and went back into her little hole in the wall. Corali clumsily hugged her back as she tried to get air back in her lungs.

"Are you okay?? Did anyone follow you? What happened? Where did you go for s-so long!?" Thiomi asked in rapid succession with panic flooding her tone. Corali patted her on the head and gave her a weary smile.

"I'm fine, li'l miss ma'am. Y'ain't gotta be so scared," she tried to reassure her as she gently broke the hug. Thiomi stared up at her with big worried eyes before taking a step back.

"I... I'm s-sorry, Corali. I just... You were gone for s-so long, a-and... and I thought legislacerators might have found you, and... Where were you for s-so long??" She asked. Corali rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly.

"I got a job."

******************************************************

Thiomi sat across from Corali at the dining room table processing the information Corali gave her. It didn't sound real, and if it was real, it certainly didn't sound legitimate. How could it? A troll approached her in the forest while she was hunting, convinced her to go with him to somewhere she's never been, and then she personally talked with his boss and was offered a job as a bouncer at her club because she was impressed by Corali's revenge rampage?

Her doubt was clearly plastered across her face, which caused Corali to sigh and run a hand through her short hair.

"Look, I know it don't sound real, but I got a good feelin' about this. 'Parently she's used ta workin' with felons an' fugitives, so me bein' wanted by the empire ain't a problem. She's offerin' me a hivestem so I ain't gotta be couch surfin' between you an' Dan, and she might even be able ta unfuck my situation a li'l," she reasoned, but Thiomi's expression soured rather than softened.

"I don't think this is a good idea. It s-sounds way too good to be true. S-she could just be s-saying what you want to hear s-so s-she could lure you into s-some kind of trap and turn you in," she said, her tone laced with worry and disapproval.

"I don't exactly got options right now. I can't keep livin' like this, bein' holed up in yer or Dan's hives all the time, not talkin' ta nobody, not bein' seen by no one. Just sittin' around with nothin. I feel like a trapped animal, an' I'm bein' offered some kinda semblance a gettin' part a my life back."

"You could have talked with me about this, at least."

"I thought ya'd be happy fer me. I can have some a my life back. I mean, s'far as I know there's still a manhunt fer me an' a bounty on my head, so it ain't like I can go in public still, but this ain't a bad thing."

Thiomi bit her lip and turned away from her. She wanted to be happy for her, but she couldn't shake the fear and doubt. Corali stood up and walked to Thiomi's side and held one of her hands.

"Please... please don't take this job. I don't want to lose you. ... I... I'm s-scared," she begged as she could feel her eyes start to water. "I'm not ready for you to leave me... I can't be here alone."

Corali frowned and pulled the smaller troll into a tight hug, and she clung to her and silently cried into her shirt as Corali rubbed her back.

"I ain't goin' right this second. It'll take a bit a doin' fer my hivestem ta get set up, an' it ain't like we can't visit each other. Yer gon' be fine--"

"You don't know that," Thiomi interrupted. She dug her fingers into Corali's shirt so tightly she thought she might rip the fabric if she clung any tighter. "What if Joclyn becomes a problem again? What if I'm not just kidnapped and s-scarred next time? As long as you're here, I'm s-safe. If... If you leave..."

Corali felt her heart shatter to pieces as Thiomi started to tremble in her arms, and her crying became less silent. She was at a loss for what to do. As much as Thiomi acted like she had everything together, there was still so much fear and trauma. Despite her own experience with those emotions, she felt utterly helpless here.

Her solution to everything was always to fight. Violence was the best way she knew how to handle a problem. It's how trolls were conditioned, but Thiomi's different. This whole situation was different. She couldn't fight emotions into submission, certainly not someone else's emotions. She silently cursed her uselessness and lack of emotional intelligence.

"Like I said, I ain't leavin' no time soon. An' when I do leave, yer still gon' be safe just like ya were before the bullshit happened. Y'ain't as helpless as ya think ya are," Corali reassured her, but her words fell on deaf ears as Thiomi continued weeping and shaking in her arms.

"You-- You don't have to go. There's online jobs. You like accounting, r-right? Why can't you do that instead? Or-- Or take the job but s-stay here??"

"I can't keep livin' hidin' myself from the world. I can't keep bein' hiveless with no money or space a my own. I can't be in a cage fer the rest a my sweeps. An' most important, I couldn't live with myself if I let ya cling ta me like this ferever, scared a everythin' when I ain't there.

"I ain't like Sonja. I don't want ya ta be completely dependent on me. Ya need ta be able ta function again like before things went wrong."

Thiomi shook her head against Corali's body and continued weeping, and the only thing the older rust could think to do was stand there and let her. What else could she say? What more could she do?

She suddenly felt envious of Thiomi's therapist for being able to help her moirail where she utterly failed.

#things to read #Roll With The Punches #Thiomi Shiaka #Corali Primer

[12thperigeeball]

Ball Queen Nominee No 2 - Thiomi Shiaka

Submitted by: Maeron Schiek

I want to nominate Thiomi Shiaka to be the

[ ] Ball King

[X] Ball Queen

of the Ball of 12th Perigee Eve 2019 because …. Honet§tly, I ju§t think §he would be @dor@ble @§ queen, @nd it would be @ lovely §urpri§e for her @t her fir§t ever 12th perigee b@ll.

#12th perigee ball 2019 #ball queen nominee 2019 #submission

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Hey thiomi whats UP

…i finally talked to dantli… …he was really upset… but it was mostly at himself… …i think were going to be okay… …now i just have to talk to mareth…

#character asks #Thiomi Shiaka

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The Moves You Didn't Make, and the Mistakes You Did

Thiomi stared up at the ceiling of her hospital room and sighed forlornly. Alternia was a cruel and unkind place, a hard lesson she was once again reminded of the during two weeks she was kidnapped and held prisoner, unsure if she would be allowed to live or ordered to die. The mutilation of her face and arms recorded for her best friend to see was an acrid and tainted icing on the cruelty cake.

However, there was still the occasional kindness of strangers, two such acts leading her to where she was now. The first act came in the form of a long haul trucker who spotted her on the barren road miles from the city who took pity on her. After he dropped her off at his destination in the city, the second act of kindness came from a blue blood with blue-dyed hair and matching blue jacket who escorted her to the hospital after she informed him of her full injuries. Despite her protests and insistence that he needn't waste his wealth on her, he informed the staff he would be paying for all of her medical costs and provided his address so they could mail him the bill.

She could barely thank him through her tears, though part of her was sure this act of charity would blow back on her in a terrible way in the future.

The nurse had asked if he she had quadrants she would like to call. The first one she contacted was her matesprit whose heart she could hear shatter over the phone as he pleaded for her location and told her he was on the way before hastily hanging up. Her second call was to--

"Where's Thiomi Shiaka??! I ain't leavin' outta here b'fore I see she's okay with my own eyes!"

The troll she hoped to take as a moirail. A decision she would very soon come to regret.

Corali stormed into her room and froze like a deer in the headlights when she laid eyes on Thiomi in her bed. The harshness of her arrival was all but forgotten as she walked to her bedside, looked her over with a pained, pitiful expression, and leaned over the side railing to give her a hug so gentle it was if she was afraid of breaking her if she held her too tightly. Thiomi reached up to put her arms around her, but a sudden sharp pain in both limbs forced her to set them back down on the bed. Corali immediately let go and backed away at least three feet with both hands raised.

"S-shit, did I hurtcha??" she sputtered, and Thiomi shook her head with a pained wince.

"No, it's not that. I just... hurt my s-stitches," she answered and looked down at her wrists where the long cuts ended. The rustblood approached again and gently took one of Thiomi's hands in her, then lightly trailed up her arm with her flesh and blood hand. She had stitches nearly all the way up her arm, and she was willing to bet the other arm was in just as bad shape. She then reached up and rubbed a thumb against one of the bandages on Thiomi's face hiding the deep slices in her cheeks. The yellows of Corali's eyes, which were already a light orange, turned umber with a mix of rage and sadness.

"... I'm glad yer okay. I mean, okay as ya can be, considerin'... y'know," she finally said, though part of Thiomi resented her words. "Where's Dan? I'm s'prised he didn't beat me here."

"He's s-still on the way... I don't think the empress herself could do anything to s-stop him," Thiomi answered with a hefty amount of guilt of her own. She never got a chance to explain anything to him before she was taken. The call from her hospital bed was the first time she spoke to him since her abduction, and she knew he was beating himself up for not somehow realizing something was wrong and flying to her aid. Her only relief was that Varoll was blissfully unaware of all of this, and she would stay that way if Thiomi could help it. A child shouldn't have that kind of stress and upset.

The two spent a few moments in silence as Corali took a seat next to the hospital bed and held her head in her hands in frustration. Thiomi stared down at her lap with her brows furrowed and her normally gentle eyes narrowed every so slightly. She clenched the blanket covering her lower body in her fists.

"S-so... when did you relapse?" Thiomi asked, suddenly curt. Corali went wide-eyed and still as words failed her. Thiomi didn't turn to face her, but Corali could feel her judging and critical glare all the same. "You s-smell like a brewery. How many nights did you s-spend drinking? Does Darius know?"

Corali could feel anxiety creeping in. "Is... Is now really the time ta be talkin' about my sobriety? Y'all just survived bein' held hostage an' tortured. I--"

"Was s-she right when s-she s-said you were s-spending every night getting drunk? Did you even try to find me?" she asked with a growing venom in her voice. Corali stared at her in hurt and confusion at where this sudden vitriol was coming from.

"Thiomi, I... Okay, yeah, I relapsed, but-- Fuck, I was fallin' apart at the seams! I didn't know if y'all were alive'r dead, my job got bombed an' I wound up gettin' fired again! An' the whole time I'm bein' taunted by that psychotic bitch! I cracked! I was scared an' mad an' anxious an'--"

"Do you have any idea what it's like to s-spend every night not knowing whether you're going to live to s-see the next one? Do you know how it feels to fully, truly realize how unsafe you are? Have you ever been s-so s-scared that you cried yourself to s-sleep every day praying for your life to be s-spared? Praying that if you are killed, your loved ones won't be targeted next? Do you???"

Thiomi finally looked at her friend with tears and a burning anger in her eyes so intense Corali momentarily felt her blood turn to ice in her veins. Words completely and utterly failed her. She opened her mouth to talk -- She made three attempts -- but no explanation or justification ever formed.

"Th-Thiomi, where's this all comin' fro--"

"You didn't answer me. Did you even try to find me?" Thiomi repeated, her quiet voice doing little to counter the deafening volume of her disappointment and tranquil fury. She knew that, more than likely, Corali never would have found her. Thiomi herself didn't even know where she was kept, but that wasn't the point. Joclyn mockingly told her that Corali wasn't looking for her, that she hadn't even made any attempt, that she was spending all of her nights at hive getting plastered and wallowing. At first she was sad, devastated even. However, as she was carved on camera, that sadness turned into a slow burning anger.

An anger that was finally coming to the surface. This was Corali's fault.

Corali said nothing and bit her lip with enough force to reopen the puncture wounds from the other night. The lack of verbal response was all the confirmation Thiomi needed. Her sympathy well was now barren and dry.

"Her name's Joclyn, and s-she's a jade. S-she hired the troll who kidnapped me. Whoever s-she hired probably doesn't like her s-since they were willing to tell me about her," Thiomi told her dryly and looked away from Corali and back down at her lap. Corali felt like she got whiplash from the sudden change of subject.

"Wha--"

"They were also really cold, like ice, s-so they might be a s-seadweller. If s-she could hire a s-seadweller, s-she probably has or knows s-someone with a lot of money. Probably a highblood."

Corali tried to take in everything Thiomi was saying. However, she wouldn't get the chance to ask any more questions as she was interrupted before she even had the chance to open her mouth.

"Go away."

"Wh... Y'all can't be serious. Yer throwin' me out?"

"No. I'm telling you to leave me alone. S-security will be the ones to throw you out if you don't." Thiomi's tone was like ice: Cold, harsh, and unforgiving. She reached for the button to call for a nurse, but she didn't press it. This was the final warning the rust would be given, a silent threat. Corali furrowed her brow and gritted her teeth before harshly exhaling through her nose and rising to her feet.

"Arright, I'm goin," she acquiesced and walked toward the door. However, she stopped abruptly in the doorway and turned her head to look at the angry, traumatized woman. "An' fer yer information, I know exactly what all that's like. I know all that an' more'n y'all've ever seen. When ya stop bein' pissed at me, ask me about my childhood. I gave y'all the cliffnotes b'fore. Next time, I'm tellin' it all."

And with that, Corali exited the room and stomped toward the elevators to take her back down to the first floor. She kept mentally going over the information Thiomi gave her: A jade named Joclyn with enough money to hire a seadweller to work for her, and Corali at some point hurt one of her quadmates.

She didn't have everything figured out just yet, but she swore that as soon as she found her -- And she would find her -- she was going to make her regret what she put Thiomi through for the rest of her life.

All five minutes of it.

#things to read #Delayed Reaction #Thiomi Shiaka #Corali Primer #Roll With The Punches #angry Thiomi is so rare and I love when she comes out #she's not genuinely angry though #just very badly traumatized and coping poorly

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When We Were Kids (Part One)

...s-so... how are you feeling?... ...s-still s-sore?...

Y'all got no idea. The only thing that don't hurt is blinkin'. I swear, soon as I can move again, I'm suplexin' Dan inta next sweep.

...he only picks on you because he cares... ...its his way of making s-sure you dont obsess over everything...

Ya mean like the fact I fucked myself an' can never have anythin' close ta a normal life ever again cuz I lost my fool head?

...yeah... that... ...im just relieved you werent killed... ...i... ...i was going insane thinking id have to bury another moirail...

I wouldn't be too relieved. I can't go out in public ever again with legis an' fleet dogs out fer my head. Prolly got a hefty bounty, too, an' rewards fer turnin' me in. Y'all two ain't safe either if anyone finds out y'all know me.

...yeah... ...when dantli comes back... we s-should all talk about where were going from here...

Ugh, I can't even get my shit from my hive. It's prolly bein' watched or somethin', or it's been raided an' bugged by now in case me'r one a y'all shows up. God, my lusus ain't gon' know what happened ta me, an' he can't come here like yers. I ain't sure he'll wait a sweep fer me ta come back like when I was a kid.

...that reminds me... ...when i was in the hospital... you s-said you knew exactly how i felt when i was being held captive... and that i s-should ask you about your childhood...

Yeh. Yeh, I did say that, didn't I? I'm guessin' this is yer way a askin'?

...yeah... if you dont mind...

Alright. It ain't a happy story, but I'm sure ya already figured that. I guess I'll start from the beginnin'.

I was even more a a hotheaded stubborn shit when I was a kid, if y'all can believe that. Pickin' fights with every troll I saw an' tryin' ta befriend the ones who beat me. Which was damn near all a them cuz fer all my bluster, I was a twiggy scrawny little toothpick, ain't had a ounce a muscle on me. I didn't want nobody thinkin' I was weak just cuz I was a skinny rust.

I was always gettin' my dumb ass beat up an' hurt tryin' ta prove I ain't no wimp, but I did get some good friends outta it. Even had a li'l flush crush on one a them, a girl who beat me in a fight just by knockin' me down an' sittin' on me 'til I wore myself out tryin' ta get her off. I had a whole group a friends back then. I can't tell ya what their names'r caste was, but we were a happy li'l group.

Here's the part where everythin' goes ta shit. When I was five, I was out patrollin' my li'l territory when I spotted a scraggly-lookin' teal prowlin' around. He was a adult an' a lot bigger'n me, but I challenged him all the same. He hauled off an' kicked me dead in the stomach an' told me ta get lost. If I was smart I'd a left it at that, but who said wrigglers are smart? I wasn't ready ta say I lost, so I picked myself up, grabbed a big ol' rock, an' chucked it square at the back a his head. Hit him so hard he started bleedin' an' staggered a good bit.

He looked back at me real mad at first, then he started smilin'. Said I had a lot a fight in me for a twiggy brat. I told him there's more where that came from if he don't git, an' he laughed an' said he'd have a ball breakin' me. 'Fore I knew it, he was right up on me, an' I didn't have no time ta react 'fore he got me in the gut with a stun gun an' knocked my ass right out.

I woke up in a cell with a couple other young trolls. I asked where I was, an' they said I was in the slave camp. Said I was here cuz they were gon' break me, train me inta a perfect li'l pet slave, then sell me off ta the highest bidder. Needless ta say, I wasn't havin' that shit. I made it my mission ta put up as much a a fight as I could an' refuse ta be domesticated.

First handler they assigned ta me was that teal that grabbed me. Since I already fought with him once, I knew what ta expect. He got a lotta good licks in over the first couple nights, but eventually he slipped up an' I was able ta steal his stun gun an' shock him dead in the eyes. After that, they decided to gimme their toughest, meanest, biggest handler.

He was a big blueblood who made us call him "Mister," an' he took that shit serious. I called him asshole exactly once an' he slapped me 'cross the face so hard he damn near snapped my neck. I couldn't feel my face fer a night afterward. Most a my abuse came from him, an' I just know he was havin' fun beatin' my ass every night tryin' ta make me give up.

But I'm the most stubborn bitch ever hatched, so I didn't make shit easy fer him. He beat me ta shit, starved me, locked me in a tiny li'l cage, an' made sure no one talked ta me'r tried helpin' me'r they'd be in the same boat. His favorite punishment fer me was the post. There was a big wooden post in a sort a courtyard outside with a pair a manacles attached. He'd lock me in, hike up my shirt, an' tear me ta ribbons with a whip. Afterwards, he'd leave me out there fer nights with only a thick blanket thrown over me ta keep me from bein' completely cooked ta death by the sun durin' the day.

He liked hearin' me cry an' scream in pain, so I'd try my damnedest to keep my mouth shut no matter how hard an' how much he whipped me. I'd stay quiet for the first thirty seconds, but after that I could never hold it in anymore. Then he'd whip me more fer resistin'. So many times I was close ta givin' up if it meant he wouldn't torture me no more, but I didn't wanna let him win.

...oh my god... ...im s-so s-sorry... ...i cant even imagine... and i s-said all that--

Y'ain't gotta apologize fer bein' mad. I get it. Ya were in a scary situation, an' hearin' that I never even tried ta find ya when this whole thing was my damn fault ta start with? I'd a been pissed, too.

...s-still though... ...it was s-so insensitive...

It ain't like y'all knew any a this at the time. It's fine.

...how did you get out??...

Heh, that's where shit gets real interestin'.

They kept me at that camp fer half a sweep torturin' me, but I held on. I dunno why they didn't just cull my stubborn ass a long time ago. My guess is cuz Mister wanted the satisfaction a breakin' me cuz ain't no one else been this much a a challenge fer him fer so long. If he let them cull me, it ain't a real win. But eventually he reached the end a his patience with me.

I managed ta get a hold a a fork an' taunted Mister 'til he grabbed me 'round the throat an' got right in my face ta threaten me. I stabbed him in the eye an' tried ta make a break fer the exit while he was screamin' an' cursin' an' bleedin'. A course, I didn't make it nowhere close ta the door 'fore I got caught. Mister was fumin' somethin' fierce, and I didn't even get a chance ta register what he was about ta do 'fore everythin' just became blindin' pain.

I remember one a the supervisors cussin' him out cuz they was plannin' on sendin' me ta The Pit, an' now I ain't in no condition ta be transferred. That fucker cut me open from rib ta hip with a dagger. I spent nights in the infirmary tryin' ta get stabilized an' patched up. I was so weak from bein' starved an' beat on a regular basis that I almost died.

But like I said, I'm the most stubborn bitch ever hatched. I was able ta recover enough ta get my stitches out, but after they they decided ta cut their losses and finally cull me. Mister wanted ta do the honors himself. After what I did ta him, he didn't care about winnin' no more. He wanted me dead. He filled a tub full a water, threw me in, an' held me down with his foot while I thrashed an' tried ta free myself 'fore I drowned. Eventually I lost consciousness.

I woke up chokin' on water an' hackin' the shit out my lungs in the middle a the forest. I figured they dumped my body fer the undead an' the animals ta eat once I blacked out. I didn't know where I was or how ta get back home, an' I was fuckin' scared. But I was free after half a sweep in captivity, an' that was more important than bein' afraid. I picked a direction an' started walkin'.

I didn't have no way a huntin' ta feed myself, an' I was still fuckin' weak as shit, so I didn't eat much a nothin' 'cept whatever bugs an' small animals I was able ta catch. I had ta sleep up in trees durin' the day ta avoid the roamin' undead. Eventually between the hunger an' bein' exhausted all the time, I dropped.

Next thing I know, I'm wakin' up in a hive belongin' ta some li'l jade even younger'n me sayin' him an' his lusus found me. I was still a ornery li'l shit an' wasn't exactly a good hiveguest. He still helped me an' everythin' though. Kept me fed, gave me a place ta sleep. Once I was mostly healed an' had my strength back, I robbed him blind an' ran. Took every piece an' scrap a food I could carry, stole a couple knives, an' I was off. I'd prolly apologize ta him if I ever see him again, not that I remember what he even looked like, an' I'm sure he don't remember me or wouldn't recognize me now.

I spent the next half sweep doin' whatever I could ta survive an' try ta find my way home. I stole, I killed, I broke inta hives, I did whatever I had ta do ta make it ta the next night. When I finally made it hive after that half a sweep, my pa was there waitin' fer me. He waited fer a whole sweep fer me ta come back instead a takin' in a new charge. I bawled the hardest I ever have in my life. Makes me feel extra shitty that I can't go back an' say my goodbyes ta him. He's prolly still waitin' fer me ta come back just like I did last time I went missin'.

...if you want... i can ask dantli to go to your hive and tell your lusus you arent coming back... ...i dont think hes on anyones radar s-since he doesnt s-socialize... ...i can tell him to make it look like he's robbing you s-so they dont get s-suspicious... and itll be a convenient way to get s-some of your things for you...

That ain't a bad idea. S'long as he don't say nothin' stupid'r incriminatin', that could work.

Anyway, speakin' a going back hive, when I finally made it back ta mine after my sweep in Hell, I couldn't function fer shit. I didn't wanna reach out ta my friends cuz I didn't want 'em ta see how broken I was. I didn't wanna look weak ta them, an' none a them reached out anyhow. In just that one sweep, they moved on from me, which still kinda hurts ta know that's all it took ta lose 'em.

Fer perigees after, I'd have daymares a bein' back at the slave camp, weak an' in pain with Mister standin' over me with the whip, then draggin' me out ta the post. I was barely gettin' any sleep, I couldn't eat, an' I was terrified a bein' in water. That's when I decided ta start bulkin' up an' gettin' stronger so I couldn't be taken back there or anywhere else.

Fer three sweeps, I had the mother grub a anxiety. A lotta nights, I couldn't even get the nerve ta leave my hive. I'd get anxiety attacks an' panic attacks when I saw highbloods, 'specially male blues. An' y'all know me. When I start gettin' anxious, I get real mad an' itchin' fer a fight. Even now, I don't hate highblood s'much as I get anxiety bein' around 'em. An' I do also hate 'em.

That's when I started drinkin'. It wasn't about gettin' drunk. It was a way ta calm my frazzled nerves an' keep my anxiety under control. Over time, though, it turned inta a addiction, an' y'all know how well that ended up workin' out fer me in the end.

That's basically everythin' about my childhood, so believe me when I say I know exactly what it's like ta not know if yer gonna live ta see another night, an' cryin' yerself ta sleep durin' the day cuz everythin's so awful, an' prayin' that yer loved ones ain't next or won't be too tore up if ya don't survive.

...i... im s-so s-sorry... ...no one s-should have to endure that... especially not a child... ...i... i...

C'mon now, y'ain't gotta cry about it. It sucks, but it's in the past now, an' fallin' ta pieces over it ain't gon' fix nothin'.

...i... i know... but...

It's okay, I get it. If it'll make ya feel better, go ahead an' cry it out. I can hold ya if ya want.

...but arent you s-still sore?...

Not so sore I can't comfort my pale. It ain't gon' kill me, so get yer li'l cryin' sniffly self over here.

#things to read #tw torture #Corali Primer #Thiomi Shiaka #Roll With The Punches #Anyone interested in Corali Lore? #Originally I was gonna color code their dialogue to make it obvious who's talking #but I nixed the idea bc I thought it would annoy people

[ase-trollplays]

The Need For Space

Vvv Can I call ya Thiomi instead a Mimi from now on? vvV

..aww... why don't you want to call me 'mimi' anymore?...

Vvv Same reason I started sayin' Dan instead a Danny. I'm six sweeps now. I ain't a wriggler anymore, an' sayin' Mimi is a wriggler thing. vvV

...if thats how you feel... then its okay with me if you call me my full name instead...

Vvv Thanks, Thiomi. vvV

------------------------------------------------------

Vvv Can we go ta the city tonight? vvV

...oh... uh... s-sure...

Vvv ... Yer still sad about yer face, aren't ya? vvV

... ...y... yeah... ...i am...

Vvv Havin' scars ain't somethin' ta feel bad about. Scars mean ya survived what tried ta kill ya. Me an' Dan an' Corali are covered in them. You even have other scars, and they don't make you feel bad. Why are the new ones different? vvV

...i dont have these s-scars because i s-survived... ...i have them because s-someone wanted to hurt and upset me...

Vvv Well, what about the scar on yer arm I gave ya when I was little? I was tryin' ta hurt ya, an' yer not worried about people seein' that one. vvV

...thats different... ...you didnt know better when you did that... ...the person who cut me up knew exactly what s-she was doing to me...

Vvv Well, that's just more reason not ta be upset. You bein' afraid ta let other people see you means she won! vvV

...varoll... please... ...its not that s-simple...

Vvv Why ain't it?? vvV

...can we s-stop talking about this??!...

Vvv !!! vvV

...i... ...im s-so s-sorry... ...i didnt mean to yell at you...

Vvv 'S fine. I'll ask Dan ta take me instead. vvV

------------------------------------------------------

...you want to go alone?...

Vvv Yeah. I ain't a wriggler anymore. I can go ta the city by myself. I know what the streets an' stuff are an' how ta get ta places, and I always keep my knife in my pocket an' my arrows in my strife deck if I gotta fight. vvV

...but youve never been there without me or dantli with you... ...are you s-sure you dont want one of us there?...

Vvv Yeeesssss, ugh, you don't have ta act like I'm still a little kid. I can take care a myself. I live all by myself in the swamps an' I been just fine--

...because you have your lusus to protect you... ...s-shes never more than s-shouting distance away from you...

Vvv Yeah, okay, but I also like, hunt and kill things way bigger than me! An' ya don't gotta problem with that! Why's goin' ta the city by myself such a big deal?? vvV

...because trolls arent like animals... ...trolls are a lot more dangerous... ...animals dont use weapons... or lie to you to hurt you!...

Vvv An' I killed trolls, too! Plus, I'm the highest blood color, so I'm allowed ta hurt or kill people lower caste than me anyways! vvV

...you s-shouldnt be thinking like that!...

Vvv I'm not! I'm just sayin' if I get in a fight I ain't gonna be in heaps a trouble like Corali! Why're ya makin' this hard?? vvV

...im just worried!...

Vvv An' I'm tellin' ya not ta be cuz I can take care a myself! vvV

...varoll kaydur... do not take that tone with me!...

Vvv Yer the one yellin'!"

...im not--!... ...im not yelling...

Vvv Yeah ya were! If yer gonna be mad about it, then fine. I ain't goin'. Happy now?! vvV

...of course im not... ...youre angry with me...

Vvv I just want you an' Dan ta stop treatin' me like I'm still little. I can do stuff without y'all, ya know. I don't need ya glued ta me all the time anymore. vvV

...youre right... ...i guess im just having trouble letting you grow up...

Vvv So... I can go? vvV

...ill talk it over with dantli... ...if he s-says yes... then you can go on your own...

Vvv Yes!! vvV

#things to read #Thiomi Shiaka #Varoll Kaydur #tfw your daughter is at the age where she wants to be more independent #but you're not ready to let go of her #Not a true drabble but I wanted to write it anyways

[ase-trollplays]

Push, Push, Push

"Well, well, well~ Look what the cat unceremoniously hacked up this otherwise fine evening."

Thiomi looked up from her sketchbook to see Sonja now sitting across from her at her picnic table in the park. It was a dull, overcast night, so very few people were out and about. Only Thiomi, seemingly, would sit among the gloomy surroundings were it not for her former moirail and abuser. The free flowing raven hair along with the rudeness and sour attitude made it clear she was dealing with Comedy.

"... Oh," she replied simply. She knew better than to give him anything to needle and prod at her with. If anything, she should immediately get up and leave for her own safety. Then again, she was easily manipulated by his chucklevoodoo, and he could very easily stop any escape with minimal effort. A fight would be suicide.

Ironically, humoring him was the safer course of action. He was less of a threat if she did what he wanted. In this case, what he wanted was to bully her.

Sonja glared momentarily at her lack of a reaction before shrugging it off and stretching slightly before pulling out his phone.

"An avid conversationalist as always, aren't you. What, you think I'm going to hurt you? Maybe take you to my hive and lock you in the basement until you love me again?" he prodded at her lack of reaction to him. He reached across the table and snatched her sketchbook to flip through it. She didn't even have a chance to attempt stopping him, though she mentally sighed with relief that it was one of her safe sketchbooks. It was mostly full of sketches of animals, a few flowers, and a drawing of Varoll and Dantli she did the last time the three of them were together.

"If you wanted to s-see it, you could have asked," she said before having the book casually tossed back across the table at her. "What do you want?"

"I just thought you would like to know how wonderfully I'm doing ever since you stabbed me in the back and abandoned me," he responded cheerfully even with the added venom in the last part of his statement. She kept her gaze low and focused on the table to avoid the violence in his eyes that she could feel boring a hole into her.

"I'm glad you and Altrii are s-still happy toge--" she began only to be interrupted by his hand slamming on the table and causing her to jump.

"That miserable crow is gone! She was no better than you, only looking for a project to fix then taking her love away when I stopped being fun!" he spat with so much vitriol it sent a shiver down her spine. Her unease turned to fear, then guilt. The only reason he didn't do as he suggested earlier when she broke up with him was because he had Altrii right there to be an immediate backup. As far as Thiomi knew, Altrii didn't have that same luck.

If Altrii really had fallen out of love with him, then it's extremely likely that he... Oh God. He must have. Thiomi's face began to pale at the thought that because of her, Sonja--

"Ugghhh, get that look off your face. I didn't kill her, much as she would have deserved it. Personally I find it offensive you have such a low opinion of me," Sonja said, causing Thiomi to finally look back up at him. His eyes were a clearly irritated orange, though with a deep calming breath the color began to recede back to yellow. For a brief moment, she opened her mouth to apologize, but she was quick to shut it and say nothing.

"No, I have a new muse. Her name is Engela, and she's my starlight, my beloved, my newfound reason for existence~ she's even a highblood-- Tyrian, in fact. Unlike you two failures, she actually appreciates my loyalty and devotion."

Thiomi could feel irritation pricking under her skin, but she tried to ignore it and shove it deep down with her other problem emotions. She so badly wanted to call him out for how delusional he was. How his "loyalty and devotion" was obsession and a desire to possess and control. How her only failing was not enforcing boundaries when they were young instead of running to his every beck and call so he didn't expect it from everyone he met. How he's a selfish narcissist who refuses to take even a gram of accountability for his own actions!

Instead, she sighed and forced a smile on her face. "I'm glad you've found happiness."

"Really, because judging by that hint of orange in your eyes, you're jealous," he fired back with a snug grin. Thiomi's smile fell instantly as she once again looked away from him. She never did have a good pokerface, and with everything going on, she was having a hard time stuffing down her feelings.

"I'm not jealous," she said in what was meant to be monotone, but she couldn't hide her growing annoyance. Sonja's grin only widened at the sight of his former moirail getting upset. It was like drinking a fine vintage wine to him.

"Well~ you're awfully something. Tell me, how's your own love life going? Have you and that hillbilly barbarian pig finally called it quits? ... No, I still see his darker green in your hair."

"Don't talk about Dantli that way. He's--"

"Oh, that's right! That blueblood you took on as your next project! You know, the one you got killed because you're such a shitty pale? Tell me, do you still think about her? How you failed her so severely?"

"I-I didn't--"

"Yes, you did. You got her killed, the main thing a moirail is supposed to prevent. Hahaha, maybe I dodged a bullet when you abandoned me!"

"I'm not--"

"Now, now, no need to lie and try to justify yourself to me. We both know how much of a fuck up you are. I weep for whoever winds up in your sights next."

"S-stop it."

"And then there's that teal you couldn't keep, either. You really are a disaster and a half when it comes to your quadrants! But at least she wasn't let as a catastrophe in your wake. She saved herself from destruction."

"I s-said s-stop it."

"Or what, you gonna cry at me? God, just look at those red eyes. You're practically glowing now! If you have something to say, just--" 

"Shut up!!!"

Sonja gaped at her in shock at her outburst as every insult and jab immediately curled up and died in his throat. Thiomi slammed both hands on the table and stood up, her eyes flowing with frustrated furious tears.

"What do you want me to say!? Why did you even talk to me??! To rub it in how wonderful everything is for you, and how awful it is for me!? Did you just want to see if you could finally reach the end of my patience!!? Well, guess what! You've finally fucking done it!!! Everything is my entire life is going FUCKING wrong!"

Sonja stood up and opened his mouth to speak, but he was immediately silenced by Thiomi grabbing her sketchbook and throwing it directly at his head. He managed to dodge getting hit in the face, but the book knocked one of his horn prosthetics clean off his head and into the grass behind him.

"No! S-shut up!! Shut up, shut up, shut up!! Shut! UP!!!

“You’re right! Is that what you want to hear!? Fine! You’re right about everything!! I couldn’t keep S-shadah! I was a terrible kismesis, and s-she cheated on me for— For perigees! At least four! Before I finally managed to force it out of her, and then s-she left me for her mistress!! I wasn’t a challenge for her! I was a terrible rival!! I’d give anything to go back in time and convince myself to never ever date her if I could!! Because of her, I’m terrified to fill that quadrant now! All I can think is that I’m just going to be cheated on and abandoned again!! That I can never truly compete with other people because I just don’t have that in me!!”

Thiomi’s whole body was trembling and shaking with unrestrained anger. Her normally quiet and soft voice was all but booming, something that Sonja would never in his life believe possible were he not on the other end of it.

“And Mareth??? I failed her even worse!! At least S-shadah is s-still alive! I tried s-so hard with Mareth!! I tried s-so hard to keep her out of trouble! I tried even harder to get her to s-see s-she had a drinking problem, but I s-screwed that up, too!! I wasn’t patient enough! I wasn’t understanding enough!! I tried to force her to get help instead of working with her!! I got s-so s-sick of all the lies and the broken promises that— You know what I did!?

“I tampered with her alcohol! I poured it all out and replaced it with the non alcoholic variant! Like an idiot!!! Of course s-she was furious with me! The angriest I’ve ever s-seen her in my life! AND WHO WOULD BLAME HER!!? Not me! Or you! Or anyone else with functioning common s-sense because apparently I threw mine out the window!!!

“We had the mother grub of all arguments, and s-she tried to leave! And when I tried to s-stop her, s-she hit me in the s-stomach s-so hard I passed out! It was hours before I woke up, and by then it was too late!! When Corali and I found her, s-she’d been dead for at least two hours!! And it’s all my fault for being a goddamn idiot!! If we never had that fight, s-she wouldn’t have left!!

“But no!!! I had to do the most idiotic! Moronic! Insensitive thing ever!! I’m literally the worst person to have for a moirail!! I’m the worst who’s ever done it!!!”

He voice was hoarse and raw, and every word hurt to say, but she couldn’t stop herself anymore as sweeps of repressed emotions came violently flooding out of her. She began aggressively pacing back and forth as restless energy overtook her. It wasn’t enough to just stand there and yell; she had to move.

“S-speaking of being an awful moirail, guess what!! You’re one hundred percent right that I was awful for you!! We never s-should have been moirails! I turned you into a monster!!”

“Now you hold one one second!” Sonja interjected, finally finding his voice now that he was the one being called out. “I am not a—“

“Yes you are!!! You’re the s-single worst person I have ever known in my entire life!! But it’s not your fault! I made you that way! I never made you take any kind of responsibility! I constantly made excuses for you! I accepted being controlled and manipulated and treated like I owed you everything!! I never enforced any kind of boundaries and instead let you treat me however you wanted because you’re purple and I’m green, plus you’re a sweep older than me!! I was s-so s-stupid to let it go on for as long as I did!

“Now look at you!! You’re a s-selfish, s-sociopathic, narcissistic, bitter, petty, homicidal, violent prick!!! At least there’s hope for Tragedy, but you??? I ruined you beyond repair!! You’ll probably never be better, and it’s all my fault!!”

Thiomi punched the table over and over in frustration, and tears still poured down her face like twin waterfalls, but she still wasn’t done. Her throat was in so much pain from prolonged yelling and screaming that she could swear she tasted blood, but she still went on.

“Oh, and you’ll get a kick out of this!! One of my closest friends came to me for help, and I ruined that, too!! S-sure, it s-started out fine! I wanted to help her get better! I wanted to s-see her s-succeed and be happier and fix the relationship s-she ruined with her s-son!!

“That s-should have been enough, but no!!! I got s-selfish! S-she had s-so much in common with Mareth that I used her s-struggle with being s-sober like a s-second chance!! I wanted a win! For once, I just wanted a win!! And I was using her to get it! I failed Mareth the worst anyone’s ever failed s-someone, but now I have another chance!! I have a chance to fix my mistake and do it right this time!!

“Forget about Corali’s feelings! Forget about her being her own person who’s trying to be better for her own sake!! No, no, I made it about me!! And now s-she hates me!! S-she won’t take my calls, s-she won’t answer my messages, and I’m pretty s-sure if I went to her hive s-she’d break my horns off!!

“And you know what??!  I deserve that!! I deserve every bad thing in life!!! I’m the worst there ever was!! All I do is hurt people with my own stupid—“

Thiomi choked on her words as a sudden wave of calm rushed over her. Her anger, her frustration, her every negative emotion was now gone and replaced with a peaceful serenity she hadn’t felt in sweeps. She took a deep breath and sat back down at the table as her head gently spun from all the energy she exerted. She didn't even get to the little boy she temporarily adopted and how she failed him as well before she was forcibly relaxed.

Sonja, eyes glowing bright purple with a deep scowl on his face, waited a full two minutes before releasing her from his voodoo to be sure she wouldn’t immediately return to hysterics. As the effects receded, Thiomi held her head in her hands and turned to face him. She felt better now that so much of what she’d been repressing was forcibly launched out of her system, but there was still a deep cloud of self resentment and loathing hanging over her.

“Christ, you are fucking broken. I actually feel sad for you. You’re even more pathetic than I realized,” Sonja said with a sneer. He turned his back to her to retrieve her thrown sketchbook and his dislodged horn, then tossed the book onto the table. “Word of advice: Get some goddamn help. Fuck.”

Without another word, he reattached his prosthetic horn and stormed away in a huff. Thiomi watched him go before placing her head down on the table and sobbing.

#things to read #The Weight of our Sins #Thiomi Shiaka #Sonja Tuniq #in which Thiomi finally fucking loses her shit #don't worry it's good for her #She needs the catharsis

[ase-trollplays]

4. Safety -> Thiomi

"Ya know, yer gonna have ta stop hidin' an' go back ta yer hive eventually."

The sudden statement as Thiomi sat reading on Corali's back while she did push-ups caused the smaller troll to immediately stiffen up and almost drop her book. Corali was completely unshaken and casually continued her push-ups.

"What are you... I'm not hiding," Thiomi said with a defensive edge in her tone. Corali shook her head with a loud sigh.

"Y'ain't gotta lie, 'specially not ta me," she stated, which only caused Thiomi to fluster. She gripped her book tightly in her hands and bit her lip. "Ya think I ain't noticed ya haven't spent a day at yer hive ever since all that happened? I wouldn't a thought much of it if it was just a couple nights, maybe even a week, but it's been... what, over a perigee by now?"

"... We're moirails now. I can't leave you to deal with this alone," Thiomi reasoned after a few tense moments of hesitation. Corali paused her exercise and turned her head toward her moirail. She couldn't see much of her from this angle, but she could feel the woman's anxiety.

"Yeh, see, that mighta held water when I was laid up an' unable ta move, but I been mobile fer weeks, an' we both know Dan could easily take care a me himself even though he'd a been a smug asshole about it. Anyone can see why yer still here. Yer scared ta go home on account a--"

"Do you blame me?" Thiomi tersely interrupted as she closed her book and stood up. Corali moved into a casual sitting position and looked up at her moirail with concern. She wouldn't look Corali in the face, but she didn't have to for her to know how upset she was. She stood with her head low and her shoulders hunched and squared with tension, and her hands holding the book tightly to her chest were slightly shaking.

"Do you blame me for being afraid? The last time I was at my hive, I was kidnapped... who s-says this is over? That it can't happen again, and s-she'll have me killed this time? S-she can get to me at any time if I'm there, and I... I'm no fighter. I didn't even get the chance to defend myself before I was bagged and cuffed and carried away. At... A-at least here with y-you and Danny, I'm s-safe."

Thiomi's shoulders hitched, and her voice became gradually more uneven and strained. A whimper escaped her, and Corali was on her feet immediately. She threw her arms around her and held her close. Thiomi tried to swallow her tears, but within seconds she dropped the book and returned to tight embrace.

"I'm s-so s-scared! I can't be alone there! I'm s-safe as long as I'm with you two!" she cried and whimpered as she clung to her moirail. "I just want to feel s-safe again!"

"An' ya will, cuz I'ma move in with ya," Corali said matter-of-factly. The sudden bold statement was enough to make Thiomi pause her crying and stare up at her.

"Corali, no, I... I can't ask you to do that."

"Yer not askin'. I'm telling ya. I'm movin' in. I'm pretty much hiveless anyways since I can't go back ta mine, an' between you an' me, I'm gettin' sick a dealin' with Dan's shit every god dang night. If I don't get a break, I'ma kill him."

"But--"

"Noo, no, no, y'ain't talkin' me outta this. Yer scared a livin' alone, so I'm stayin' 'til ya feel safe again, an' ya can't change my mind. I got a new arm that's better than ever, an' with my psionics there ain't nothin' that can hurt me. 'Sides, I'm yer pale. I'd be doin' a damn shitty job if I didn't help ya feel less afraid," Corali insisted and ruffled Thiomi's hair a little roughly but affectionately. Thiomi wiped her eyes and took a few breaths to calm herself before ending the embrace and picking up the discarded book.

"S-so you admit you like your new arm," she pointed out, and Corali's confident expression immediately fell upon realizing she did, in fact, highly compliment her arm. She made a noise between an annoyed huff and a scoff and crossed her arms before poking her lip out and looking away.

"Ya know what, I changed my mind. I ain't goin'. Yer on yer own," Corali said with a grumble and a pout like a petulant child that earned a small giggle from her moirail. Corali tried and failed not to smile then once again reached out and messily ruffled Thiomi's hair. "Hmph, laughin' at me, huh?"

"Nooo, never...~"

"I ain't sure I believe ya, li'l miss thing. I-- No, noo, not the big sad eyes! Put them things away 'fore I curl up an' die!" Corali shouted in mock agony. The two women broke down into laughter at each other's ridiculousness before Corali finally grabbed the bag with most of her belongings Dantli was able to take from her hive while pretending to rob the place.

#things to read #Thiomi Shiaka #Corali Primer #Roll With The Punches #windy trickster #I'll answer the other two a different time #bc I am incapable to keeping a story short #There's probably typos galore because somehow I never catch them #despite literally going over the entire thing twice DX

[ase-trollplays]

Behold, the second title card for "The Weight of our Sins." This half will focus less on Corali's struggles with being sober and more on Thiomi's mental well-being and lack thereof.

#Ase does the arts #The Weight Of Our Sins #Thiomi Shiaka #Sonja Tuniq #Corali Primer #She's finally going to be confronted with the fact she's Not Okay

[ase-trollplays]

When We Were Kids (Part Two)

There, d'y'all feel better now that yer big strong moirail's gotcha in her arms-- Er, arm. Fuckin' hell, this is gon' take forever ta get used ta.

...yeah... i feel a little better... ...what about you though?... ...i know it hurt to adjust yourself...

Yeh, but it ain't nothin' I couldn't handle. Y'all just heard what I been through, an' that was when I was a wriggler. I'm built warship tough.

...hehehe... s-sure you are...

Are y'all laughin' at yer moirail? Ya don't believe I'm tough as they come?

...its a little hard to believe when a few pokes can take you out...

Yeh, well I ain't gon' be this sore ferever. Matter a fact, I think I'm already on the mend.

...s-so you can s-suplex dantli through the floor when he gets back?...

Gimme another night'r two an' I'll be judo flippin' him out a window. I'll do it with one arm.

...just clean up the glass afterwards... ...i dont want mom or any of us getting cut on it...

Yeh, yeh, I know. ... So, since we're sharin' wrigglerhood stories, I'd love ta hear what yer growin' sweeps were like.

...compared to what you told me... my childhood was completely wonderful... ...i cant complain about anything...

This ain't a game a trauma poker where we gotta one-up who grew up worse. No one with a perfect childhood grows up ta be a depressed adult who hates everythin' about herself. Y'ain't gotta tell me shit if ya don't wanna. I know yer not the kinda person who likes talkin' about herself.

...no... no... its fine... ...you told me everything about yourself... s-so its only fair i tell you what growing up was like for me too...

...i was always s-small and not very s-strong... ...im pretty s-sure i was a runt when i was a grub... and i wasnt much better after i pupated... ...i dont remember the trials... but what i do remember is being completely terrified... ...i probably just barely made it out...

...i was s-so s-scared of other people... ...it didnt even matter what caste... ...lower castes could kill me with their psionics... and higher castes are just plain s-stronger than me... and s-some like purples and cobalts have psychic powers... ...on top of that... if one of them killed me it would be justified because im lower on the s-spectrum than them...

...mom went with me everywhere when i left my hive... ...s-she was s-scared for my s-safety because i would be s-so easy to kill... ...s-she always told me to run if i got into trouble because im too weak to put up a fight... ...in hindsight... s-she s-shouldnt have been s-so coddling... ...it only hurt me in the end... but its not her fault... ...s-she was s-scared just like i was... and s-she wanted me to be s-safe more than anything... ...s-she just did what s-she thought was best...

Sounds like ya coulda used a lusus like my pa. He's a hardass who don't coddle'r or baby anyone. My first fights growin' up were with him cuz he didn't want me ta grow up weak an' defenseless. Bein' the lowest a the low castes, I couldn't afford not ta be if I wanted ta survive.

Ah fuck, sorry, I didn't mean ta interrupt.

...your fine... dont worry...

...anyways... when i was three s-sweeps old... i met s-sonja... ...he tried to... ...he tried to kill himself jumping off the cliff my hive's built into... but it wasnt high enough for the impact to kill him... ...he got injured very badly... and he managed to find the hatch leading into the maze and climbed in...

...i dont know how long he was there before i found him that night... but when i s-saw him... i was pale at first s-sight... ...at least... i thought i was... ...looking back on it... it was just s-strong platonic pity...

...he was a mess... hes only a s-sweep older than me... but he was s-suffering s-so much... ...his personality was s-splitting... and it ruined the few friendships he had... ...he was having trouble coping with basically becoming two different people... and having to go through it all alone... s-so he tried to end it... ...when he s-saw me... he demanded i finish the job and kill him... ...he s-said i had to do it because hes a highblood... s-so i have to do whatever he s-says...

...obviously i refused... but i s-stayed with him and talked to him until he calmed down... ...after that... i s-started taking care of him... ...it felt like my responsibility s-since he didnt have anyone else other than his lusus... and im s-supposed to always help highbloods because im just a midblood...

...once he was healed... he insisted that we were meant to be together... and it was no accident that we found each other... ...our meeting was pure fate... just like moirails are meant to be 'fated allies'... ...i admitted that i wanted to keep him company and keep helping him s-since he was all alone... and i was afraid that he would try to kill himself again if i left... ...s-so we agreed to be moirails...

...he was incredibly doting and s-sweet... ...both halves of him were... ...he went out of his way to s-spoil me and protect me... and i was s-someone he could confide in and trust and rely on for s-support... ...honestly... if i didn't have his protection growing up... i dont think i would have s-survived to adulthood... ...at his insistence... i never went anywhere without him just in case things went wrong... and he s-saved me a lot...

...we were happy... but we were terrible for each other in reality... ...just like my lusus... he reinforced that im helpless and weak and fragile... s-so i didnt learn how to defend myself much and become more independent... ...at the s-same time... i was too coddling of him and never reinforced boundaries... s-so he got used to always being my priority and having all of my attention at a moment's notice... ...we were only four and three s-sweeps and too immature to be in a relationship... but we didnt know that at the time... and we both ended up worse for it...

...i internalized that i cant do anything on my own... and i felt even worse about being s-such a 'bad' troll and the complete opposite of how were taught to be... ...i felt worthless... but helping s-sonja gave me a purpose and made me feel like i was doing s-something important... ...which turned into the depression i have now... ...im not s-sure he even noticed how i felt...

Prolly cuz he was so damn obsessed with himself and his own feelin's that he wasn't payin' attention ta yers, cuz that's the kinda impression I'm gettin' a this guy.

...yeah... i know that now... but back then i just s-shrugged it off...

...once we were about eight and nine s-sweeps... he s-started depending on me a little bit less... and i was finally able to make my own friends outside of him...

Wait, y'all didn't have no friends that whole time?? Fer five sweeps!? He hogged all a yer attention fer that long!!? An' that didn't set off red flags??

...like i s-said... i didnt know any better... ...i thought that was just part of being s-someones moirail... ...even once i s-started making my own friends... he had to be my priority at all times... and i accepted that because that had been my normal for s-so long... s-so it didnt s-seem problematic...

...it didnt become a problem until i met dantli... and we s-started to become flushed... ...now i had s-someone else that was a priority in my life... and i couldnt always drop everything to run to s-sonja whenever he called anymore... ...i wouldnt s-say he was livid... but he didnt take having to s-share me well at all... ...he would get incredibly jealous... which made him clingier and more demanding... which in turn made dantli upset... and he would get jealous and clingy too...

...i was constantly caught in the middle of them... which only made my anxiety and depression worse... ...it finally came to a head when i was badly injured when i was nine... and they both insisted on taking care of me... ...they were constantly at each others throats and competing with each other over who was the better caretaker... ...eventually enough was enough... and i had to make a choice...

...at this point... id been telling s-sonja for at least half a s-sweep that his overdependence on me was making me uncomfortable... ...after developing healthy friendships with other people and s-seeing how a good relationship is s-supposed to work... i realized what i had with him was deeply unhealthy... ...however... he kept making excuses and trying to justify his behavior... s-sometimes even going s-so far as to s-say his life wouldnt mean anything if i wasnt in it... and that s-scared me... ...but i just couldnt do it anymore... s-so i broke up with him...

Surprised he didn't do somethin' stupid like kidnappin' ya or tryin' ta kill Dan an' gettin' squashed fer his troubles. Seems like the type that ain't gon' take bein' dumped with dignity, 'specially if he was attached ta y'all at the goddamn hip like he was.

...i actually got lucky... ...we had a mutual friend who was vacillating flush and pale for him... ...after i broke up with him... he went straight to her...

Hmph. Sounds like she was plannin' on bein' a li'l hivewrecker. She saw things was goin' sour an' was just bidin' her time 'til y'all broke up so she could swoop in an' take him fer herself.

...i dont think it was like that... but i was just relieved he had s-someone who would be able to keep an eye on him...

An' yet he's still bummin' around ya. Why're ya even givin' him the time a night still after he spent yer whole childhood abusin' ya?

...its complicated... ...and he wasnt abusing me... ...we were just two kids who didnt know what we were doing and ended up hurting each other...

He manipulated ya, kept ya isolated fer sweeps, constantly put ya down an' made ya feel helpless an' worthless, an' then threatened ta off himself if ya didn't stay. He. Abused. You. Y'ain't gotta make excuses fer him. He's an abuser.

...kamava s-said the s-same thing...

Exactly. So why're ya still entertainin' him? 'Specially after he was stalkin' ya last sweep?

...that was the other one... ...the one ive been s-seeing is more mature and rational... and he goes out of his way to never hurt or be a threat to me... ...he always makes s-sure i have complete control and make the final decisions...

Uh huh. An' y'all believe him?

...yes... ...i cant trust the other half of him... and i know he s-still hates me for leaving him... but the good half of him is completely trustworthy and reliable...

I'll believe it when I see it. I'd say I don't trust him far as I can throw him, but seein' as he's a shrimp, I bet I could chuck him pretty dang far. If he starts givin' ya trouble again--

...no... corali... ...youve done enough trying to hurt people on my behalf...

Yeah, but he ain't fleet, so I ain't in any danger. ... He ain't fleet, right?

...no... but that doesnt matter... ...i dont want you... or danny... or anyone else getting involved... ...just trust me...

I do trust y'all. it's him I don't trust. Ya sure ya can handle him if he decides ta fuck around? Y'ain't immune ta mental bullshit like I am. If he decides ta voodoo yer brain, can ya defend yerself?

...

That silence ain't assurin'. I ain't telling ya ta never ever see him again if yer sure about this. Just. If shit goes sideways, let one a us know the second it does.

... ...okay...

Ya promise?

...i promise...

Good. I love ya. <>

...i love you too... <>

#things to read #Thiomi Shiaka #Corali Primer #Roll With The Punches #and since her moiraillegiance with Sonja is talked about at length #Theater Mouse

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The Time For Reconciliation

Corali drove through the unfamiliar forest on her bright red ATV, her thoughts frantically bouncing around like bumper cars in her head and she tried to formulate exactly what her next move was going to be. It'd been more than two months since she and Thiomi last spoke, and she was still going strong with her sobriety as spite for her former friend strengthened her resolve to stay alcohol free.

She was now three months sober and feeling better than ever physically, but mentally and emotionally there were a lot of unresolved issues that desperately needed to be aired out. She'd never been to Thiomi's hive before and had to fight her kismesis (almost literally) to make him give her the coordinates. However, he didn't elaborate any further than that, so when the coordinates brought her to an empty clearing beneath a small cliff, a rush of anger came over her.

"God damn sonuva bitch. There ain't nothin' here!" Corali fumed and kicked her bike in frustration. She should have known he wouldn't give her the actual coordinates. "I'ma give that jackass a piece a my mind an' a boot so far up his ass he'll be tastin'--"

"Corali??"

The rust woman whirled around to see none other than Thiomi herself atop her enormous mouse lusus. She looked at her with wide eyes as she climbed down, though she didn't make any moves to approach her. Corali sighed and ran a hand through her hair before stuffing both hands into her pockets.

"I'm ready ta talk now."

------------------------------------------------------

"I'm glad to hear you're s-still s-sober," Thiomi said with a forced smile as she took a sip of her tea. Corali sat across from her at the table and drank from a glass of water since Thiomi didn't keep soda or coffee on hand, and she didn't feel like having milk. "I was worried."

"Yeh, well, y'ain't the sole source a my resolve ta stay clean. I can handle myself. If anythin', I did even better after ya went an' made it all about you," Corali spat. Thiomi visibly sink into her chair a little, and Corali looked away from her as though not being able to see that she upset her would rid of her of sudden pang of guilt at upsetting her.

The two sat in uncomfortable silence as they sipped their respective drinks and tried to ignore the tension. After two minutes, Corali couldn't stand it anymore and opened her mouth to say something, but Thiomi managed to beat her to the punch and break the silence first.

"Has Darius--"

"No. Kiddo still ain't talkin' ta me," she interrupted. Thiomi nodded with a disappointed "Mm," and the silence resumed. This time it only took thirty seconds before Corali started going insane from the discomfort of neither of them talking or even looking at each other. She downed the rest of her water and stood up to refill her glass.

"Ya got a nice l'il hive. 'S real cozy. Buildin' it underground was a smart idea; y'ain't gotta worry about undead or folks breakin' in if they don't know where it is. Even if they find it, they'd get lost in the tunnels."

"Thank you. The tunnels are all Mom's doing, really. S-she likes digging and burrowing."

"Heh, so's my pa, but he don't got nothin' this extensive. Least, I don't think he does."

With her water replenished, Corali took her seat across from Thiomi, and silence resumed once more. This was getting ridiculous now. Of course, Corali knew why this kept happening. The elephant in the room had been obvious from the moment they saw each other outside.

Unacceptable. If Thiomi was going to stubbornly ignore it, then Corali decided she was going to be the one to finally address it because these constant silences were bordering on painful. She slammed a metal hand on the table, startling both Thiomi and her lusus (Who'd been sleeping until now).

"Okay, enough a this shit. We gotta talk about two months ago cuz I'm not about ta sit here in silence fer another gotdang minute," she declared and looked Thiomi directly in the eyes. Thiomi glanced downward and, with a sigh, looked back at her guest with forlorn eyes.

"... Yeah, I guess we s-should," she said and took a deep inhale. "I'm s-sorry. I s-should have taken a s-step back when I realized my feelings for Mareth were resurfacing," Thiomi apologized, though Corali's gaze remained hard. "Instead, I treated you like her replacement and used your s-struggle to make myself feel better about how things ended with her, and that was... it was an awful thing to do to a friend."

Thiomi pauses to sniffle and wipe away translucent green tears forming on her eyes. Corali felt a little bad seeing her start to cry, but still being hurt herself, she found her sympathy lacking.

"Yeh, that was a real rotten thing ya did. D'ya have the slightest idea how shitty that feels? I ain't a win ta put under yer belt or a replacement fer a failed quadrant. I was damn near fightin' fer my fuckin' life. This sober shit's one a the hardest things I ever done, an' I was weak an' strugglin' ta keep goin', an' y'all fuckin' took advantage a me. Ya say it didn't start that way, but when ya knew that's where it was goin', ya shoulda just told me! Ya shoulda told me an' fucked off until ya got yer shit back tagether!"

By the time Corali was done venting, Thiomi was reduced to silent tears and crying. She choked out a pitiful "I'm sorry," and part of her took a vindictive joy in seeing how upset she was. However, the pleasure was quick to fade, and she groaned and gritted her teeth as the next words came out of her mouth.

"But I fergive ya."

Thiomi looked at her in complete disbelief as tears continued to fall. She struggled to find words to voice her shock for several moments before finally managing to utter a single "W... what?"

"What y'all did was prolly one a the shittiest things anyone's ever done ta me in my life, but... I fergive ya. I'd be a hypocrite not ta. I mean, I hauled off an' assaulted my son over a bottle a beer, an' I been desperate fer him ta fergive me. How am I s'posed ta expect him ta fergive a big mistake when I won't even fergive a big mistake?"

Thiomi wiped away more tears threatening to fall and took a deep breath as she looked at Corali with relief mixed in with her sadness and regret. She smiled at her, and Corali gave her a small smile in return.

"Right, so now it's done. No more stewin' over that shit. Ya said yer sorry, an' I fergave ya. Problem solved, arright?" Corali stated and held out her hand. Thiomi sniffled as she slowly and gingerly reached across the table to take her hand. Corali grabbed her hand tightly and gave it a firm, hard shake. "Good."

The silence that followed was much less agonizing this time around and didn't last nearly as long as they drank their drinks and resumed chatting like old friends. After about an hour of talking and catching up, Corali allowed the conversation to drop off. The tension crept back again as she considered her next words.

"I wasn't just stoppin' by ta get the bullshit squared away," she stated with an uncharacteristic wavering in her voice. Thiomi stared at her in confusion, then worry. Corali ran a hand through her hair and bit her lip. She couldn't bring herself to look Thiomi in the face and turned her head to the side to stare at the wall. Although she couldn't see her, she could feel Thiomi's eyes on her staring in apprehension.

"I met someone recently while I was huntin'. She gave me a place ta lick my wounds an' get a l'il settled, an' we got ta talkin'. I was ventin' ta her an she, ah... she made me realize somethin'. Somethin' kinda important," Corali said as her face flushed the lightest shade of red. She prided herself on being direct and never beating around the bush when she had something to say, but now her boldness was failing her. Just do it! Treat it like a bandaid and rip it off! she told herself and took the deepest breath she could before looking back at Thiomi.

"I-I'm pale fer ya," she finally managed to spit out. Thiomi gaped at her with a hand modestly covering her mouth, and Corali immediately regret confessing to her. The silence was absolutely deafening, and it was making her anxiety flare up. She could feel herself becoming angry at the lack of a response after she put herself out there and let herself be vulnerable. She clenched one of her fists for a few seconds before unclenching it and swallowing her anxiety.

"Well? Ya gonna say somethin'?"

More silence. It was getting harder to contain her anxiety; she could practically feel the yellows of her eyes changing. Thankfully, before she had a chance to say "Fuck it" and storm out in shame, Thiomi finally spoke.

"I'm s-sorry, I just... I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm flattered, really," she started, and Corali's heart sank like a lead balloon. She knew a rejection when she heard one. It was probably for the best. Hell, she fully expected to be shot down, but that didn't take the sting off at all. She put up a hand to silence any further speech and stood up.

"Y'ain't gotta say nothin' else. I just needed ta get it out there cuz not sayin' nothin' was drivin' me nuts."

"Corali, wait--"

She turned and started walking back toward the hive's entrance, and she could hear the legs of Thiomi's chair drag across the ground as she stood up and followed her.

"Please, just let me--"

"Nah, nah, it's fine. I get it. Ya don't feel the same. 'S alright, no big deal."

"But I do feel the s-same!"

Now it was Corali's turn to stare wide-eyed as she stopped within inches of exiting the doorway and turned around to face her. Thiomi stared back at her with a frown on her lips, and they stayed locked in eye contact before Corali furrowed her brow and crossed her arms incredulously.

"Bullshit," Corali said as Thiomi fussed with her hair and bit her lip anxiously while averting her gaze. "Yer gon' hafta fergive me fer bein' more'n a l'il skeptical considerin' what happened a couple perigees back an' why."

"I know. Believe me, I know," she answered with a pained sigh. She looked up at Corali and prepared to crumple under a judgmental stare, but there wasn't one to be found. She was, in fact, glaring at her, but there was very little malice behind it. If anything, it was closer to a look of concern than anger.

"You're a lot like Mareth, maybe too much like her. I don't have any doubts that I'm pale for you. ... But I'm also s-still in mourning, and I don't know for s-sure if my feelings are genuine or because I'm s-still grieving. I want to give us a try, but not if it's for the wrong reason," Thiomi explained solemnly. Corali's expression eased, and she nodded sadly.

"Ya mentioned yer seein' a therapist now, right? Yer gonna get better eventually, an' I still got a good number a sweeps left in me, so why don't we just wait?" Corali suggested with a shrug and the smallest hint of a smile. Thiomi's frown not only persisted, but deepened as well.

"I can't ask you to do that."

"Yer not askin'. I'm offerin'."

"I don't know how long it'll take for me to move on."

"I ain't in no rush."

"What if you meet someone else you'd rather be diamonds with?"

"What if I don't?"

"Corali, please. I'm not someone worth waiting for. I've already hurt you before."

"An' I fergave ya, so it ain't a issue anymore. I'll be the one ta decide if waitin' ain't worth it, so quit makin' excuses. If it don't work out, then oh well. Least we tried."

"But..." Thiomi struggled to find the words to say to convince Corali to change her mind. However, she couldn't come up with anything she was sure the rust blood wouldn't immediately find some sort of counter to. "I don't deserve you. ... But I can't really stop you, can I?"

Corali placed a hand on Thiomi's head, earning a surprised squeak from her, and gave her hair a gentle ruffle. "Nope, ya can't. We both know what a stubborn shithead I am. Just ask yer matesprit."

Thiomi sighed and smiled at that, and Corali retracted her hand.

"S-so how long do you plan on waiting?" Thiomi asked, and Corali placed her hand on her chin in a thinking pose

"I'm willin' ta wait fer as long as it takes, but since ya wanna put a time limit on it, how about 'til my suspension from my job is up in a l'il under half a sweep. That should be plenty a time fer that therapist a yers ta getcha sorted," she said. Of course, she fully intended to keep waiting beyond that deadline if need be assuming nothing happened to change her feelings. "Whaddya say, we got a deal?"

Corali once again held her hand out to her, and Thiomi smiled and took hold much more confidently than she did previously.

"It's a deal."

#things to read #Corali Primer #Thiomi Shiaka #The Weight of Our Sins #this is a long one folks #You can also consider this the official reveal of #Roll With The Punches #I finished editing and writing it at work #bc I was too impatient and excited to wait until I got home #i was going to wait until the eleventh to post this #but I got impatient

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Get Out

"C'mon, c'mon, fuckin' answer god dammit!" Corali swore as she anxiously paced in her bedroom. Whoever this violent stalker of hers was they officially went too far for her liking. It was one thing to just threaten her. Implying threats to her loved ones was not going to be tolerated.

She should have taken this more seriously. She should have taken this way more seriously. Of course the threats would escalate. It was stupid, so incredibly goddamn fucking stupid, of her to think they wouldn't. She could only hope and pray that Thiomi was sa--

She finally answers.

"Hi Co--"

"Thank fuck you're alright!! Where are you!?" Corali barked at her, and she swore she could feel Thiomi flinch through the phone. She could feel bad about shouting at her pale crush another time.

"I-I-I'm at my hive," she answered shakily. Corali suppressed the sigh of relief that attempted to force its way out. Just because she was hive didn't mean she was safe. If anything, the complete opposite was true.

"Is Varoll with you??"

"No, Dan's taking her back to the s-swamp. What's going on? What's wrong??"

"Pack a perigee's worth a essentials an' get the fuck outta there right now! I need ya ta beeline it straight fer Dan's hive! Take yer lusus with ya!" Corali ordered. Her head was starting to spin from the sheer panic and stress, and trying to calm down wasn't an option. Not right now.

"Wha-- Why?? What's happening!?" she asked, and Corali could feel herself begin to hyperventilate now.

"Remember my stalker I told y'all about? Tanight they stabbed a note ta my door with a picture a you an' Varoll sayin' they know where y'all are. Y'ain't safe at yer hive."

Thiomi went dead silent for several moments as though trying to process what she just heard. When she finally spoke again, she was in a panic.

"Oh my god. Oh my god, we were just out last night! I took her to the library-- I-I told you to take them s-seriously! Oh no, oh noooonono--" Thiomi said frantically, and Corali could hear her normally quiet footsteps loudly stomping through her hive as she raced to get her things together. Thiomi was panickedly squeaking -- Something she only did under intense stress, as Corali learned about a sweep ago -- and repeating "Oh no, oh no no no, oh noooo no no no no" to herself.

"Can you at least come with me? If they know where I live, I'm not s-safe going to Dan's hive alone!" she said punctuated by another frightened squeak. An attempt to steel her nerves and calm down was made, but Corali was in just as much of a panic as Thiomi now.

"Y'ain't no safer if I come with ya! I don't know fer a fact they know where yer hive's at, an' if they're keepin' tabs on me then I'd just be leadin' 'em right ta yer door."

"Then-- Then I have to call Dantli and wait for--"

"There ain't no time ta wait, Thiomi!! Ya gotta pack yer shit an' go now!!!"

The sound of terrified whimpering followed by a small sob would normally be enough to make Corali cool her jets, but anxiety had her sense of reason in a choking stranglehold. She was scared -- Terrified, actually -- and now because of that Thiomi was scared, too. A small, quiet part of her knew that she was only making things more stressful by getting loud with her, and she would feel awful about it later.

But that's exactly when it had to happen: Later. Right now, she needed to get Thiomi out of her hive and somewhere much safer as soon as absolutely possible. Dantli was not only much bigger and stronger than Corali, but his territory in the deep woods was a gauntlet of lethal and nonlethal traps that only someone experienced with his part of the forest would know how to navigate and avoid. It was the safest place she could possibly be.

She just had to get there first.

The sound of Thiomi scrambling around her room throwing together whatever she thought she needed was deafening in Corali's ears, but silence was even more damning. After several minutes, Thiomi's voice finally returned.

"Do they know about Darius?" she asked, now sounding a slight bit calmer.

"I dunno. All I know is you an' Varoll gotta make yerselves scarce until this is all over."

"When will that be?"

"I'll letcha know when I figure it out. Ya all packed?"

"Y-yeah. Mom's ready, too."

"Good. Both a y'all get the hell away from there, an' don't even think a goin' back 'til I let ya know yer safe. Y'understand me? Don't go back fer nothin'. Have Dan go instead. Got it??"

"Y-yes, I do. I'll call you when I make it to his hive."

"Ya goddamn better. Be safe."

"Of course."

The mutual 'I love you' goes unsaid.

#things to read #Corali Primer #Thiomi Shiaka #Roll With The Punches #I'm gonna need a name for this plot #Delayed Reaction

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And of course, the obligatory post with both the title cards together c:

#Ase does the arts #Corali Primer #Thiomi Shiaka #Sonja Tuniq

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And so the plot is completed. I hope you all enjoyed it. :)

#Ase does the arts #The Weight of our Sins #Thiomi Shiaka #Corali Primer

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Things Left Unsaid

Despite two and a half sweeps having passed, Mareth's grave still stood where Thiomi and Corali left it. The land had reclaimed the disturbed ground as thick wild grass and weeds grew where the blueblood was buried, and the makeshift headstone was covered in plant overgrowth from sweeps of neglect. It was doubtful anyone just passing through would have even realized it was there if they hadn't already known to look for it.

Thiomi could feel a knot the size of a brick form in her stomach as she laid her eyes on it. What a sorry state it was in. That alone was enough to bring tears to her eyes. How dare she let her late moirail's grave fall into such ruin. Just further proof that she never deserved her if she couldn't even fight off her guilt enough to keep her resting place presentable. With a sigh, she got to work pulling the weeds and cleaning the large, upright rock that symbolized her headstone. The shallow, unrefined carving of Mareth's name was long faded and barely visible now, but it didn't have to be visible. Thiomi knew it was there, if not physically then in spirit.

It took well over an hour to bring her grave to its former glory, and Thiomi looked it over with a mixture of pride and guilt before taking a seat before it and removing a bagged lunch from her sylladex.

"Hello, Mareth. It's been... a while. I'm s-sorry I never came back after burying you. Considering the circumstances of your death, I didn't think I deserved to. I was s-sure you wouldn't want me here, either."

She removed a thermos from the bag, wisps of steam gently trickling out as she removed the lid and poured some of the potato soup into the cap to sip. The knot in her stomach hadn't budged since she arrived, but she forced the soup down regardless.

"I wish I could s-say a lot's changed in the time you've been gone, but... it really hasn't. At least, I haven't changed much. I made s-sure all your cats went to loving homes, s-so you can rest easy knowing they're being taken care of. ... My matesprit and I are s-still raising Varoll. I wish I'd gotten to introduce you to her; you would have gotten along really well, I think.

"S-Sonja and I are on better terms. His less s-stable half has a matesprit now, s-so he's not interested in me anymore. He bullies me if we happen to cross paths, but I've accepted he's always going to hate me. The other half and I decided to be friends. I'm nervous, but I think we can pull it off, especially s-since he has his own moirail now. I don't know much about her, but s-she s-seems really good for him, so I'm glad.

"I also enrolled in therapy. I've learned a lot about myself... and it's all bad. I have s-so many things wrong with me, things I already knew and... and s-so much I wasn't aware of. Heh, I'm a real mess."

Thiomi took another sip of her soup and wiped her eyes to get rid of the tears forming.

"Corali and I aren't s-speaking anymore. I know you two never got along, and you hated being neighbors with her, but you have a lot more in common than either of you realized. You could have been amazing friends. I know it's not your fault that never happened. Corali hates highbloods too much, especially bluebloods, unfortunately.

"It's my own fault my friendship with Corali ended. S-she came to me for help with her alcoholism, and... and I took advantage of her s-situation for my own gain. S-she reminds me s-so much of you, and before I knew it, I was trying to replace you with her.

"You're both alcoholics, but s-she was trying to quit. S-something I begged and pleaded for you to do. All the help I tried to do for you -- Trying to make you cut down on your drinking, giving you locations and times for Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, making you promise me you would try to get better -- she took it without question.

"At s-some point, it s-stopped being about helping her and became a way of atoning for my mistakes with you."

Tears fell into her cap of soup, which she clenched in her hands and gripped like it was her life support. Pitiful whines and hiccups escaped her as she let herself weep. Thiomi didn't try to stop the tears from falling or wipe them away and instead allowed herself to wallow in utter misery.

"I never moved on from causing your death. Two and a half s-sweeps later, and it s-still hurts. It s-still hurts like it did when we found your body that night. I keep replaying that night wishing I could go back and s-stop myself, and that I would have been more patient with you instead of constantly nagging and pressuring and pushing you to do what I wanted for your own good. I s-should have let it be your choice on your own terms. I s-should have been patient and respected your autonomy.

"I was a bad moirail, and you paid the price for it. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for that.

"But..."

She forced herself to straighten up, sniff back her tears, and wipe her eyes. She looked up for the first time since she took a seat and stared at Mareth's headstone.

"... I know I can't keep s-staying here, s-stuck in the past wishing things could be different. You're gone because of mistakes that I made, and I have to make peace with that and move on. The grief may never truly go away, but I can't let it hold me back anymore."

With a sigh, Thiomi poured her half-eaten soup back into the thermos and placed it back in the bag with the water bottle and the orange she ended up not touching. She placed the meal back into her sylladex and stood to walk up to the headstone. She knelt down in front of it and tightly wrapped her arms around it in a tearful embrace.

"I... I'm s-sorry. I'm s-so... I'm s-so s-sorry. I'll never be able to apologize enough, and I'll never not be s-sorry. I can't change the past, but I can do better not to repeat my mistakes. That's how I'll do right by you."

She stayed silently weeping and hugging the rock for several minutes before she finally let go. She gave the makeshift headstone one last look before standing up and starting to walk away.

"I promise I won't take another two and a half s-sweeps to s-see you again."

#things to read #Thiomi Shiaka #The Weight of our Sins #She made peace with Sonja (Tragedy) #now to make peace with Mareth

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Ever So Slightly, Daily And Nightly, In Little Ways

It was a quiet night as usual in the library. Sonja sat in one of the lounge chairs reading one of four books he planned to check out. His hair was tied neatly in a ponytail not only because having it loose was a nuisance but also to signify which of his personalities was currently active. He was grateful to be the one awake after his other self had control of their shared body for the last three nights.

He became aware of a shadow being cast over him, and he mentally groaned in annoyance at his solitude being interrupted. However, rather than give this new annoyance his full attention, he continued reading as he waited for them to say something. After a few moments with no explanation for the intrusion, he closed his eyes briefly and took a loud inhale as he kept his eyes on the pages in front of him.

"What," he said with just the slightest frustration in his voice. When there was no response, his furrowed brow became a glare. He turned his eyes upward to stare at them over his book, and his glare turned to surprise when he saw who it was that disturbing his otherwise uneventful night.

"S-sorry for bothering you, but I think we s-should talk."

"... No."

Sonja closed the book, set it down on top of the other three, then stood up and brushed past her as he made he way toward the library's entrance. Thiomi grabbed him by the sleeve to stop him from leaving only to have him jerk his arm and pull it from her grasp, never once breaking his stride. He kept his gaze forward and upped his pace, though he could hear Thiomi speeding up herself to keep pace with him.

"Please, just hear me out," she begged him, and his only response was silence as he hurried past the front desk and out the door with his ex-moirail hot on his heels.

"Have I not harmed you enough? Do you hold so little value for your safety?" he questioned curtly as he walked down the calm streets. There had to be somewhere he could go where she wouldn't be allowed to follow him. "We both know I'm a danger to you. Leave me alone."

"No, you're not. Not this version of you," she insisted and grabbed him by the arm. This time she didn't let go when he jerked it away, and rather than drag her behind him he came to a full stop. He pinched the bridge of his nose with a groan with his free hand before turning to face her.

However, he couldn't help but pause as he looked down at her. She had a look of stubborn determination on her face and in her eyes that was completely alien to him. He tried to take his arm back again, and she held tight and even had the audacity to clasp her other hand around his arm.

Sonja's expression was neutral and unreadable as ever, but Thiomi's own look of resolve was unshaken. "Just talk to me. That's all I'm asking."

The two stared for a long moment as other pedestrians walked around them while they hampered the walkway. Finally, Sonja sighed in defeat. It was cleared she wouldn't be swayed.

"We shouldn't talk here."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sonja and Thiomi sat at the corder table of her usual cafe. He had a black coffee while she had ordered a sweet tea, though neither of them seemed to pay much attention to their drinks.

"Allow me to apologize on my other self's behalf, as he would sooner remove his tongue than express any amount of decency toward you," Sonja stated. Thiomi sank slightly in her seat as she remembered the incident at the park over a month ago. He briefly looked down at his untouched coffee and frowned as words unsaid lingered on the tip of his tongue.

"Thank you, though I s-suppose I need to give him credit. I wouldn't have s-started s-seeing a therapist if that never happened," she replied in an attempt at optimism. Sonja only sighed.

"Please don't. The last thing anyone needs is him feeling justified in breaking you," he groaned.

"He didn't break me. I've been s-slowly breaking myself for s-sweeps repressing s-so many of my feelings. It was only a matter of time before everything came out."

"He didn't have any right to make it so traumatic for you, though. Don't think he didn't hear you sobbing as he was walking away."

Sonja grit his teeth at the memory, being forced to watch and listen to that whole spectacle with no way to interfere. After a moment, he finally took a drink of his coffee as he tried to rid himself of the memory.

"So, why do you suddenly want to talk to me? After what he did, I would assume you would try harder to avoid me."

"You aren't him. You s-share a body and mind, but you could never be him. I wanted to talk because I think we both need closure."

"I suppose I have your therapist to blame for that."

"S-sort of. I've wanted to do this for a long time. S-she just gave me a nudge to actually do it. I've given up on Comedy, but I think you and I could be friends."

Thiomi looked down at her drink and seemed to consider taking a sip but ultimately decided against it. They shared a few moments of silence before she spoke up once more.

"I just want you to know I forgive you for everything when we were moirails, and I'm s-sorry I wasn't the type of pale you needed."

"I would like to apologize as well. I caused far more damage to you than you did to me. However, I believe attempting to rekindle a friendship is unwise. Although you believe otherwise, I am and always will be a threat to you as long as Comedy is a part of me--"

"Comedy can hurt me no matter what you do. The park proved that. We haven't s-seen each other or s-spoken in perigees, but he s-still found and harassed me just because he could. If he wants to do anything to me, you can't s-stop him, s-so why not be friends anyway?" she asked him with the same stubborn determination that stopped him from leaving her outside the library. Rather than refute her question, he seemed loathe to admit she was right.

"I won't see you suffer undue harm if I can avoid--"

"But you can't avoid it. Neither of us can just s-short of me leaving the region altogether, and we know I can't do that. I..." Thiomi's voice started to crack. "I miss you, and I know you miss me, too. You wouldn't be here if you didn't at least a little."

More silence.

"When did you become so strong-willed?" Sonja asked in a tone that would come across as uninterested and flat to most, but Thiomi couldn't help smiling at his amusement.

"When you weren't looking," she teased and drank her tea as he sipped his coffee.

"This is a terrible idea, by the way, but if you insist then I suppose I can't be blamed, can I?"

#things to read #Everything Stays #Sonja Tuniq #Thiomi Shiaka #behold the poll winner #kinda clunky imo but I'm still happy with it c: #The Weight of Our Sins