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"I Thought You'd Be Happy For Me."

Thiomi paced nervously around the living room of her hive as she awaited her moirail's return. Corali texted the coordinates of where she was going and told her to send Dantli there if she wasn't back in two hours. An hour and a half had already passed, and she was tempted to call him and send him there now. What if two hours is too late? She--

The sound of the boulder blocking her hive entrance being moved immediately snatched her attention, and she felt her heart leap into her throat. She prayed it was Corali and not another kidnapper as she waited for whoever was on the other side to show themselves. Her lusus stood at attention behind her ready to grab her and run in case her ward was threatened.

"Oy, Thiomi, I'm ba--" Corali greeted as she entered, but the sudden force of Thiomi running and throwing herself around her cut her off and momentarily knocked the wind out out of her. Thiomi clung as tightly as she could to her moirail, and her lusus relaxed and went back into her little hole in the wall. Corali clumsily hugged her back as she tried to get air back in her lungs.

"Are you okay?? Did anyone follow you? What happened? Where did you go for s-so long!?" Thiomi asked in rapid succession with panic flooding her tone. Corali patted her on the head and gave her a weary smile.

"I'm fine, li'l miss ma'am. Y'ain't gotta be so scared," she tried to reassure her as she gently broke the hug. Thiomi stared up at her with big worried eyes before taking a step back.

"I... I'm s-sorry, Corali. I just... You were gone for s-so long, a-and... and I thought legislacerators might have found you, and... Where were you for s-so long??" She asked. Corali rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly.

"I got a job."

******************************************************

Thiomi sat across from Corali at the dining room table processing the information Corali gave her. It didn't sound real, and if it was real, it certainly didn't sound legitimate. How could it? A troll approached her in the forest while she was hunting, convinced her to go with him to somewhere she's never been, and then she personally talked with his boss and was offered a job as a bouncer at her club because she was impressed by Corali's revenge rampage?

Her doubt was clearly plastered across her face, which caused Corali to sigh and run a hand through her short hair.

"Look, I know it don't sound real, but I got a good feelin' about this. 'Parently she's used ta workin' with felons an' fugitives, so me bein' wanted by the empire ain't a problem. She's offerin' me a hivestem so I ain't gotta be couch surfin' between you an' Dan, and she might even be able ta unfuck my situation a li'l," she reasoned, but Thiomi's expression soured rather than softened.

"I don't think this is a good idea. It s-sounds way too good to be true. S-she could just be s-saying what you want to hear s-so s-she could lure you into s-some kind of trap and turn you in," she said, her tone laced with worry and disapproval.

"I don't exactly got options right now. I can't keep livin' like this, bein' holed up in yer or Dan's hives all the time, not talkin' ta nobody, not bein' seen by no one. Just sittin' around with nothin. I feel like a trapped animal, an' I'm bein' offered some kinda semblance a gettin' part a my life back."

"You could have talked with me about this, at least."

"I thought ya'd be happy fer me. I can have some a my life back. I mean, s'far as I know there's still a manhunt fer me an' a bounty on my head, so it ain't like I can go in public still, but this ain't a bad thing."

Thiomi bit her lip and turned away from her. She wanted to be happy for her, but she couldn't shake the fear and doubt. Corali stood up and walked to Thiomi's side and held one of her hands.

"Please... please don't take this job. I don't want to lose you. ... I... I'm s-scared," she begged as she could feel her eyes start to water. "I'm not ready for you to leave me... I can't be here alone."

Corali frowned and pulled the smaller troll into a tight hug, and she clung to her and silently cried into her shirt as Corali rubbed her back.

"I ain't goin' right this second. It'll take a bit a doin' fer my hivestem ta get set up, an' it ain't like we can't visit each other. Yer gon' be fine--"

"You don't know that," Thiomi interrupted. She dug her fingers into Corali's shirt so tightly she thought she might rip the fabric if she clung any tighter. "What if Joclyn becomes a problem again? What if I'm not just kidnapped and s-scarred next time? As long as you're here, I'm s-safe. If... If you leave..."

Corali felt her heart shatter to pieces as Thiomi started to tremble in her arms, and her crying became less silent. She was at a loss for what to do. As much as Thiomi acted like she had everything together, there was still so much fear and trauma. Despite her own experience with those emotions, she felt utterly helpless here.

Her solution to everything was always to fight. Violence was the best way she knew how to handle a problem. It's how trolls were conditioned, but Thiomi's different. This whole situation was different. She couldn't fight emotions into submission, certainly not someone else's emotions. She silently cursed her uselessness and lack of emotional intelligence.

"Like I said, I ain't leavin' no time soon. An' when I do leave, yer still gon' be safe just like ya were before the bullshit happened. Y'ain't as helpless as ya think ya are," Corali reassured her, but her words fell on deaf ears as Thiomi continued weeping and shaking in her arms.

"You-- You don't have to go. There's online jobs. You like accounting, r-right? Why can't you do that instead? Or-- Or take the job but s-stay here??"

"I can't keep livin' hidin' myself from the world. I can't keep bein' hiveless with no money or space a my own. I can't be in a cage fer the rest a my sweeps. An' most important, I couldn't live with myself if I let ya cling ta me like this ferever, scared a everythin' when I ain't there.

"I ain't like Sonja. I don't want ya ta be completely dependent on me. Ya need ta be able ta function again like before things went wrong."

Thiomi shook her head against Corali's body and continued weeping, and the only thing the older rust could think to do was stand there and let her. What else could she say? What more could she do?

She suddenly felt envious of Thiomi's therapist for being able to help her moirail where she utterly failed.

#daytime reblog

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