#I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE

[angellurgy]

:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT. #AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP. #I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT. #SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR. #NO OTHER CHOICE.

[mueritos]

Goddddd I'm transmasc, but I'm terrified of actually coming out because I actually like my "female figure", if that makes sense. It seems like I was fed so much transmed and terf-y ideals when I was younger that now I can't feel okay with identifying as trans without hating my body. I want to be perceived more masculine, but I also feel like what I'm comfortable with using (pronouns, even though I use mostly neutral ones, traditionally fem or masc clothes, etc) shifts overtime, and I don't want to be defending the labels that I use all the time, especially because I don't want to do top or bottom surgery, or start T (lots of people, mostly online, have told me to just call myself genderfluid, but I don't feel comfortable with that, and I'm scared of being called a trender or something)

I'm sorry for the ramble but I'm so sick of this, maybe this is silly or maybe I'm being completely unreasonable, I don't know anymore. Maybe I shouldn't be worried about how others perceive me like that, but idk. You can ignore this, but I'd also like to hear your two cents on this if you'd be comfortable with it

hey friend :) theres absolutely nothing wrong with how youre feeling or how you want to shape your body and identity. lots of trans people don't medically transition for all sorts of reasons, whether because of lack of access or because they dont want to. while I do think the community that is entrenched in colonialist ideas of transmedicalism are a minority (many are very baby trans people or have aged out of transmedicalist ideas), it is a very real threat in the sense that unfortunate movements have a way of ebbing and flowing into popularity.

that being said, there are SO many trans people open and willing and happy to accept you into the community. it is not your fault many people will incorrectly expect you to conform to certain expectations of gender. a large part of freeing yourself from these expectations is choosing a community that walks alongside you, not one that gawks at you. at the same time, we are forced to conform in certain contexts to maintain safety and access to resources. this forceful conformation is not your fault either. people will forever make assumptions about you, but it is your choice on whether or not you will continue choosing your freedom. this is not fucking easy of course when you exist under white supremacist systems.

youre also allowed to love parts of yourself others may not like about themselves. its not ur problem they feel those feelings. ive had strange comments thrown my way when I discuss how i experience connection and pleasure with my body, sometimes from other trans people. once you start realizing people are coming at you with their own baggage, it becomes a little easier to free yourself from their burdens. again, this isnt very easy when youre marginalized and expected a lot, some of those expectations being you people please.

only you have the clearest image of who you want to be. take baby steps, build your confidence, and find your people. you'd be surprised what a small yet understanding community can do for your confidence.

anyway, i wish u luck ^-^ feel free to message me again if you'd like more thoughts or want to vent. you're allowed to be sick of this, forever and always, but invest in yourself and your communities.

#muertoresponds #trans stuff

[milknhonies]

Please someone lobotomise me. I don't want to have big human thoughts. I'm done. Just put me in a care home and let me go through dementia as I enjoy puzzles all day. I'd rather be at peace and forget things than have to continue feeling like I'm constantly drowning.

I hate myself and I hate that I struggle to fit into society.

I just want to be loved and I thought I'd be married with kids by now (yes I'm only 22 but I'm a Christian virgin who struggles with the physical feelings of being comfortable with sex other than the smut I write and read.)

I thought men were real- I thought men were romantic and worshipped women. I didn't realise how objectified and then shamed we are by men who behave like animals.

I don't want to work and I think that's a massive reason I'm having such a bad breakdown. I want to be a Pilates wife. I want to be at home baking and cooking and meal planning and loving a husband. I want to mend his work uniform and sit and rub his feet while he oats my head and tells me I'm his angel.

I don't want to work in disability care where my tolerance is so minimal to loud, overstimulated (overstimulating for me) aggressive clients. Or work with babies that scream and cry and hit along with angry parents that yell at you the moment something goes wrong. I wish job employment agencies would stop trying to pressure me into these roles. I KNOW THEYRE UNDERSTAFFED ALREADY SO IM NOT RIDING A SINKING BOAT- no THANKS

I just want my dad. I just want to go home. I just want to be 6 years old. I want to go to preschook again and do painting.

I don't want to work from 5pm-5am and walking Brisbane streets at night all alone going from one cleaning place to another just for one client to write passive aggressive comments in the Communication booklet and my boss to start telling other co-workers that I'm having meltdowns and I'm high maintenance.

I'm autistic and I just want to be treated like a toddler or a dog because that's kinder than what's happening now.

I just want a husband to look after me and protect me.

I want to just make cute little videos and not have to worry my pretty head about money.

I DONT WANT designer bags or clothes. I just want to have a house I'm allowed to decorate and make dresses or bake for church. And a husband who comes from work and pats my head and tells me I'm a good girl. At this rate I don't even care if he's fucking a receptionist on the side.

I get it how these are such white woman tears. But fuck I think every woman should have this dream off they WANT without any shame.

I know it's a "grow up this is reality, you're describing something that doesn't exist." WHY CANT IT EXIST. FUCK.

I don't blame feminism. Feminism is amazing and I love her.

I blame classism.

People can't survive on just single home incomes anymore and that's fucked up to me.

"but women had jobs too you're just describing the rich wom-"

Women with jobs were mostly young single women waiting to get married or women who never wanted to get married but needed a liveable income. YES some entire families worked to survive poverty back in the day, I wont disregard that, but FUCK

you would think being so advanced as we are considering we mass produce via machine etc, human life would be "easier" BUT IT ISNT.

And I'm TIRED. I really am. I've been depressed since the day I was born but because it's so normal to me I forget how depressed I am and then feel bad when I burn the fuck out.

[shitty-davesprite-daily]

OOC I promise I have Big Things planned for the cal arc very soon... unfortunately I do have to exist as a real human being outside of tumblr.com every so often for things such as work, so that'll have to wait

in the meantime though, as much as I hate having to do this again I just need to point out that, again, I'm not going to answer every ask. Currently my inbox is sitting at around 160 asks, and that's with me answering them all the time. I Cannot answer all those. To be honest, I don't really *want* to answer all those - I know some of my answers will be average at best, and a lot of them will completely fuck with the current vibe/whatever I'm trying to get at with davesprite

Don't get me wrong, I love the community aspect of badlydrawn stuck - it's so cool seeing everyone's ideas and characters and shit, but I don't really want to interact with a lot of them. I tend to stick closer to canon, so whole new characters/species/whatever aren't something I'm *personally* interested in engaging with on this blog, but I love seeing what yall do elsewhere. All that goes away when I keep getting spammed with the same asks over and over again because I haven't responded to their previous asks.

Please. Just. Take the hint /lh. If i haven't responded to your ask, sending me *more* asks about it isnt going to help. It just puts me off answering any asks on the blog entirely.

There's a real person behind the account guys. I'm just here to have fun like everyone else. Can we all chill the hell out :thumbsup:

#god i hate doing tjese #anyway #back to your regularly scheduled bird guy #ooc post

[ticholasnesla]

Nimona (2023), friends.

First of all thank u to the people who made these great gifs!!! This is presumptuous of me but i truly hope u dont mind me featuring them! This is the first of - hopefully many - years of my Media Gifventure for the Holiday Season of 2023. I will go into more details if i need. So.

🥺

man of the hour. Man of the Year. Gold Star. 🌟

Gif use Disclaimer, I hope me making this post with these gifs isnt overstepping 🙂‍↕️💛 people who upload gifs, which, 9/10 times, they made themselves, are one of the most supportive vertebrae communities of Tumblr. 🫡👏👏 bravo chudovyy splendid чудовий mykola please tell me what i should remove and i will remove.

Above all else, Thank u.

anyways here's3 something i hope is going to be fun. Last chance. Gif heavy, flash warning excessive emojis, stupid shite and a dog.

🐕 . . . 🤎

nimona beat my ass yall. It beat my family's ass yall.

That's a Ss²+Gold ranked film if ever i saw one. Congrats Neæs@tflix - Nimona, and congrats ND Stevenson.

Ss²+Gold means Soupsoup Squared PLUS Gold which MEANS

+4 of thees bad boys!!!!!!!!

Enjoy!

i stop talking about strictly Nimona Heere.

so with that all said and done...i was Thinking... part 2?

disclaimer pls read the 👎 RULES. Trans rights human rights. Protect trans kids. Pronouns for your Hostess this evening are she/he/they. this isnt a nft thing so dont talk to me about that. and im not writing free reviews or reading your book. I just wanna award movies and webtoons and webcomics without putting any real artistic effort in (except when i WANT to put real artistic effort in) and also feature some great indie/non indie stuff In a (hopefully) positive light 🔮 shit i might even do requests. Or sketches. Imagine. 🐙

PROCEED 👎to RULES and engage in critical thought and problem soliving before sending me asks.💢

That being said, keep it PG. All asks are good asks and i will develop an FAQ if need be!

Rules 👎 down dere keep scrolling and reading. Thx. But first

Do u wanna submit something to be considered for a Soup GoldTM? Submit your favourite,

Webcomic

Youtube channel

Trending topic

Webtoon

youtube series

Manga

Anime

Plot twists

Lesser known artists

Indie artists

Podcasts

Heartbreaks /no actual bummers pls.

Memes etc etceteree

that kept you warm this 2023! And for my immediate needs, Happened in 2023. For this thing, i will only accept submissions til new yrs day. Is that peechy?

👎👎Ok finally rules for real. Proceed to pig 🐷 for tldr

Keep it pg🦉

K.I.S.S - keep it simple, Saoirse🦆

Stay in your Lane 🫎🦍🐏🪿

Dont message strangers on the internet if you're under 18.🔴And if you do KEEP your age out of their inbox. 🪺🐣🐊

Adult media is fine but i want to keep it Prime Time 🦐🐚 🪸🪼🐠🚦🐬

66I know i might be typing like a fucking bunyak but i wanna have FUN and talk about FUN STUFF my past 3 years has been ROUGH, BAYBEE. I miss my parents, Tails. I miss them a lot. /not a joke.

💐🦋🕊🐝🦂🦈🐄🐓🦤🦀🦀🦅🪱🥀🦽🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🫀🌎☀️🌜🪐🌬🌪🌦🌈☔️🔥☃️🎅🏡🎆🪻🌷💐🫀🐦‍⬛🚜👨‍🌾💚🤟💒💊🌋🏞🎡🛝🚛🚚🛻🚲

I am but flesh n blood n bone.

Please keep in mind i will only do what i have the jnj marbles for, but i will dedicate a lot of my downtime to this and i really want to have a good experience so um if u know a friend, or maybe want to tag cool accounts to maybe look over here yoo hoo hi there hello and do u wannaaa 🐕🐕🐕

Click that rebwog pwease 🥺 pppwease. Ding that like button smash that like button Uw0

This only works on Good Will so dont Play with my heart. We want to have fun.

I do have a DO NOT PASS GO list in my head but i wont reveal whats on it til i come across it ya? 🦩

Thank y for reading the rules. Now.

Me vs you the reader

Proceed to pig for tldr🐷

The Soup Golds and other Soups utilize a vector of Grandma's Soup from Lengend of Zelda Wind Waker that i edited with my phone. I do not claim to own this graphic and am just fucking around.

Submissions that dont pass my sneefing test are welcome and valuable! Incoming bee gif:

🐝

love rubbin my dusty little fingers in new Things and readings. So they will be rewarded either with Unseen, Uninterested, or Unwatchable badges, and might be featured as (dis)/honorable mentions! More nuance on that if the need arises. 🦄🔮👀

🐷Asks are open / pending! Feel free to Lurk/ask questions. Dont be rude or ELSE..u get The PIG 🐷🐷

✋️HYYYYYY

🤘🪑YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🐖🐖🐖🐖💨💨💨💨💨💨💨💥⚰️🪦🐽🍄

.. and then the Anon is going off. i dont want to have to do that. 🫠

🐗Let's keep it Frosty🐗

🐖💨💨💨💨Inbox closes Boxing Day! Get ur submissions in Today and get some fun ?

Write a letter and leave me a cookie pls. Im not asking for money i just wanna spend some quality time with u as we ____ 2024.

Here is the dog btw and she's a rottweiler mix.. She's sitting on my foots here and has curly furs all a on her butt. She was a foster fail and is living her best cushy life last i heard about her. I wanna see her again. 🖤🤎🧡🖤🤎🧡

The end. Play Sims 4 but try not to spend money on it. EA's starting to offer free packs that u can download for Free. Console and PC as far as i understand.

Love u. Be back soon.

#Webcomics #Webtoon #Video games #Nimona #Christmas 2023 #New years 2024 #Adult swim #Youtube #Twitch #Animation #Social media #Tiktok #Disney #Netflix #Indie #Rpg games #McElroy Family #Life planning #Photography #30s wisdom #Welcome to the mid 20s #1920 #Tag spam #ballister boldheart #ballister blackheart #Canada #Manitoba #opla #santa claus #Baby Geniuses

[original-character-championship]

Bracket H Round 1

Poll 24

Skitt & Ena & Olive (@bootsieboots) vs. Apricity Nix (@decapod-appreciator)

495. Skitt & Ena & Olive (@bootsieboots)

skitt usez any, ena usez they/it/she (bc of her eczema), and olive usez he/they

The TL;DR 4 them is that theyre little fucked up guys living in a circus 2gether. Skitt is a repressed traumatized clown amphibian, Olive is a sweet jackalope who acts like an asshole as a defense mechanism, and Ena is a chaotic little shithead w a short fuse, whos actually secretly the mom friend. I like to put them in2 situations in my head and then never write said situations down. Also theyre all aspec and trans.

Skitt:

he is simply a little guy! (puts him thru the horrors puts him thru the horrors p) Oh, hes a bit fucked up actually.

-a mishmash of basically any amphibian features i think r cool! It is also a clown! Isnt that silly? Well its actually 4 trauma reasons. Lol. lmao.

-has rejection sensitive dysphoria and wants every1 2 love him so much all the time. Cries and throws up when it inevitably doesnt work out.

-ADHD!

-super in2 fashion and makeup. Can u guess why? Trauma reasons, of course! Honestly most of her hobbies r rooted in wanting 2 escape something.

-i cant think of anything else non-spoilery 2 put here. Uhm. ze really likes bubble baths and swimming.

Olive:

A little skrunkly autismic sourpuss. He wishes that he cud b more sincere w people sometimes, but every past attempt has been met w people shutting them down, in 1 way or another. The only person in the world he feels even mildly comfortable around is Ena (and later on in the story, Skitt).

-acts like an asshole around most people bc theyre used 2 being seen as one. And by asshole, i mean a little quiet, sulking, wet cat in a corner of the room who makes angy faces at any1 who invades their space.

-mute! This is bc bunnies do not have vocal chords. Communicates thru sign language and annoyed noises. Screams when overstimulated. Yes, bunnies can scream, just not using vocal chords. There r also other sounds they can make! (mostly annoyed sounds. He does purr as well! Just like a real bunny)

-very in2 music. Plays the harmonica and other woodwind instruments that r easy 2 steal. Can they play good? Uhm. havent decided yet actually.

-has a sort of heart shaped facial scar and a broken antler he got from entirely mundane causes (antler is permanently broke, dont question how that works bc i dunno).

-very incredibly touch averse, only tolerates Ena’s touch. theyre also fat and very fluffy! Great 4 cuddling! But he wont let u. Sorry.

Ena:

Money gremlin!!! Chaotic anarchist motherfucker!!! Probably owes u money! Is currently being gay doing crime. In this world, 1 does not have to pay/steal 2 survive, but Ena does it anyways 2 fuck shit up and stir the pot.

-escaped from a shitty orphanage w Olive.

-horrible anger issues. If Olive is a sourpuss, Ena is a bomb waiting 4 an excuse 2 go off. This is bc in the orphanage, they learned that no 1 wud listen 2 them unless they scratched and fought and clawed and bit and punched. (and shocked!). Shes generally chill tho, just, its easy 2 get on her bad side.

-sorta the therapist friend, bc its good at telling ppl what they want 2 hear. Her charismatic attitude also helps when scamming people.

-uses prosthetics! In this world, aquatic animals r given the ability 2 stay on land 4 extended periods of time via prosthetics! Want 2 know more? Ask me :>

-basically blind. Electric eels have awful eyesight, and shes no exception! She can only see bright lights and colors. They use electrolocation 2 get around. (please ask me what it is if u dont know, i am v happy 2 infodump abt anything oc related!)

Remember kids, a vote 4 my ocs is a vote 4 disability, queerness, anarchy, the found family trope, little guys being put in situations therye entirely unequipped for, furries, and much more!

Skitt has a triangular dress with purple and yellow split colors, and purple leggings. Pointy, slender legs. A long pointed yellow hat with a little green thingy on top (idk what to call it). Blue eyes with froglike pupils. Minty-green, short, curly hair. A classic clown makeup look (off-white facepaint, a clown nose, and pennywise-esque makeup lines going from the bottom of his eyebrows to the sides of his mouth.

Olive is a jackalope with short, olive/forest green hair swooping over one eye. His eyes are the same color as his hair. Most of their fur is darkish brown, while his belly, his inner thighs, and lower left arm is beige. their right arm, lower legs, and the top of their ears are black. Only wearing black arm warmers thanks to sensory issues.

Ena is a vaguely pirate-themed girlie. Dark brown skinned, with grey arms and greyish legs. Big thicc tail. Mostly black hair. Tattered black shorts and an even more tattered, dark green crop top. Has red eyes and a red sash tied around its waist. Lots of little spots all over their skin. lazy-eyed.

496. Apricity Nix (@decapod-appreciator)

she/her

she's a werewolf she's aroace she stalks people on accident. she didn't know what a crime was until the police went after her. her best friends are a supervillan and a failed actress. she thinks she would make a good detective (she wouldn't). she's fun and friendly and sweet but still a fully thought out character. she runs away from her abusive home to find her sister and in the process finds a whole new family. she even takes down the government.

Pris is a short, pale girl with  black hair styled to look like wolf ears. she has brown eyes with diagonal red pupils and a bit of a snaggle tooth on one side.

#oc championship #tournament poll #round 1 #bracket h #495 skitt & ena & olive #496 apricity nix

[nervouswaltz]

you know on the note of older dream stans and people like slime thinking they've never met one, remember when that whole thing happened with qt on wine about it being like weird about dream posting the picture with her because she didn't want to get attention by young dream stans? when that happened i was like no way is there an actually noticeable difference between their fan groups so i went to look at qt's tagged pictures from the cons to see what her fan demo is like and literally so many of the people that took pictures with her also took pictures with george and sapnap. like yall are all on twitch, you're all gonna have similar age ranges as fans 😭

im gonna be so real i dunno if i watched that wine about it clip or episode or whatever so i dont 100% know what youre talking about in terms of that but like. yeah twitch streamers generally have a very similar age demographic and i think mcyt is like. boxed off by a lot of the rest of the streaming world just bc of the nature of content and shit and so i think a lot of "mainstream" streamers (not to say mcyt isnt mainstream, during covid it was pulling the majority of the traffic on twitch) think that Their fans are a different group than Minecraft Youtube Fans. i also think they dont have a solid idea of what the mcyt stan community is because the bad eggs are the loudest and they forget that like 90% of fandom are mostly chill ass vibers who simply consume media and hang out with friends. like i dont blame qt for having a specific idea of what Dream Stans are like, and i dont blame slime for being puzzled the mcyt fanbase and its tendency to rip itself to shreds either because its genuinely fucking insane from an insider and outsider perspective. idk. lots of content creators are (ironically) way more offline than the stans and so they get different ideas of what fandom is like based on the quick snapshots they DO end up seeing. like i dont think its necessarily a demographic thing, i think its this fictional idea that a lot of streamers have that mcyt is something Other and therefore does not overlap with their own viewerbase. also slime is chronically fucking offline at least in the world of standom like i dont expect him to actually talk to somebody abt the youtubers they stan because he is a thirty three year old bald man who plays Super Smash Brothers Melee and Podcasts . like i think that speaks for itself

ANYWAYS. dream on the yard NEEEEEEEEEEOW!! PLEASE! HE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN!! THEY WOULD RIB HIM AND JOKE WITH HIM AND IT WOULDNT BE MEANSPIRITED HE COULD JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE.

#anon #sorry 4 essay andying a little #i just think u misinterpreted what i was saying 2 'demographic' and reduced it to that when theres a lot more #that sorta drives the divide btwn our fandom and Mainstream streaming fandom

[gar-trek]

with regards to why jiles isnt as popular I think people tend to ship things that are like. "guy who is LITERALLY me/guy who I think is hot and who I like to imagine having a weird gay thing with" and I think part of the reason that doesn't work as well with jiles is like.... yes miles is like one of the sexiest MFs on star trek I need him so bad every day BUT the fact that he's married and happily so means like. if I watch ds9 and I relate to julian then if I ship jiles its like I'M the one stealing keikos husband. this sounds insane when typed out but also I really think its why I initially did not ship jiles. in any case I'm over it because they literally aren't real. in conclusion thank you for posting jiles I have slowly become enlightened over the past couple of months although I am still too shy to join the jiles community for real. thank you goodnight

No this is literally so real I know what your talking about. It’s like opening my eyes and shit because like well it just makes sense. And anyway I was gonna say like “well this implies people wanna fuck garak “ BUT PEOPLE DO WANNA FUCK GARAK LIKE people really like him say maybe that’s why I can’t get behind garashir because I don’t want to fuck garak. Also my shy little Jiles warrior please be proud. I think that’s another reason why Jiles isn’t popular it’s just like sometimes something isn’t popular and because it’s not popular then it’s not popular do you know what I mean. Like that was one of my points. If no one is talking about it then people who are more passive won’t want to start the conversation. I believe that plenty of people have the captaincy to ship Jiles they just never really thought about it before or something

[curedeity]

Shogun Steel Episode 10:

-omg omg is this the yoshio ep? This is gonna be hilarious.

-why does he also have the shogun steel abs. Why does everyone have these. They ruin every design.

-love that the episode is immediately throwing this dude in our faces. No set up no nothing.

-yo where are the unabaras?

-i want to imagine benkei giving this speech to gingka.

-also just wanna say kite is ending up being a fine character. Like normally i think id hate him but then sakyo and takanosuke are right there.

-eight should be allowed to punch kite in the face just saying

-eight and kenta bonding over the person they look up to being mean to them

-"lemme see. This is in HORRIBLE shape" i dont know why i love that line delivery but i do

-i cant believe they describe this guy but dont mention the fact yoshio looks like That

-aw eight is the little brother of the blading community. And everyone is annoyed with him as such

-eight should teach yu to skate. Inside the house.

-i love that maru specifically makes life worse for zyro

-BACKGROUND GIRL BLADER! I THINK IVE SEEN HER BEFORE WHEN THE ONE DAY TOURNEY WAS ANNOUNCED!

-yoshio. Yoshio how am i supposed to focus when you look like that

-eight having his kenta arc and ngl hes pulling it off decently. Def better than he pulled off being yu

-madoka should get out a spritz bottle. Spray yoshio down hell just melt into a puddle or something

-zyro and ren have rhe exact same braincell in ruining shit.

-everyone just stands around the little circle and watches. So serious. So terrifying.

-eight got wrecked. Physical violence making its return full throttle

-nvm eights fine

-i love that shinobu looks second hand embarassed at kites panic while the others are just watching with full interest.

-eight gets thrown back and covered in scratches in one screen, and just a single scrape in the next. I will accept this bc its fucking hilarious on a meta level.

-OROCHI DOESNT EVEN LOOK THAT BROKEN! BEYBLADE CAN BREAK BEYS BETTER THAN THAT!

-once again id like to say kite is actually a better character than i remember. Probably bc he isnt worse than the cast around him

-awwwwwwwww kite realizing his mistakes. Now if only kite is actually gonna keep his progress.

-sidenote but i think eight asked either madoka or benkei to teach him how to cook to cheer up kite

-can someone please stop showing yoshio i cant take him seriously

-if hikaru was director shed come here herself amd kick yoshio out im just saying-

-kite would be a bad math major hes trying too hard

-oh wow leviathan broke easy

-summary: probably the best episode so far. I do enjoy rens episodes more, but thats not because theyre well written. This genuinely felt closest to an episode from the main series. It showed off kite and eight at their best as characters, and while it was a bit heavy handed, i think thats fine. I take back what i said about kite i mean hes annoying but at least he has this episode. This was a real palette clenser from the misogyny. I hope there are more episodes like this and they keep eight as more of a kenta character than a yu character.

#deity rewatches shogun steel to bully it #would not have expected this to be one of my faves but here we are #beyblade #beyblade shogun steel #beyblade metal fight #mfb

[florenceisfalling]

okokok so its kinda like the consumption of skewed fiction is okay as long as you know the difference between what is and isnt okay in society? i think thats what im getting maybe? but what if someone reads that kind of fiction and like, also agrees that that kind of thing is okay irl? would they be a proshipper or would they be something else?

i think i can understand it, its just a deal of knowing that fiction is, fiction, and its not okay for fucked up fiction to happen irl? like i can read a story about i dunno, a town falling apart due to mysterious murders and enjoy the plot but if i were to say "man, im really wanting dozens and dozens of innocent people to be gruesomely murdered i think thatd be a really neat thing to happen" then thatd be a problem because at that point id think that kinda thing is okay amd id be wanting that kinda fucked up shit inflicted on real people?

OR OR IS IT LIKE TWILIGHT?? people like twilight for lotsa different reasons, some like the movie because its outrageously toxic and badly made, some like it because of the concept of "this is a toxic relationship and its extremely entertaining" and some like it because they idolize the relationship between bella and edward and i guess jacob. the difference between these three is that the first two recognize this relationship as fiction and bad, whereas the last one idolizes the toxic relationship and probably wishes that kind of relationship to be irl. the first two know the relationship is not okay but the last one thinks it is?

IM SORRY IM JUST TRYING TO HET MY HEAD WRAPPED AROUND THIS PLEASE TELL ME IF IVE GOT SOMETHING WRONG

~krabs :]

you grasp this really well dude dont apologize at all!!

what you said at the start - "the consumption of skewed fiction is okay as long as you know the difference between what is and isnt okay in society" - is such a perfect and succinct way of explaining it, or at least how i see it:

a person who is proship/profiction is someone who thinks that bad stuff (mysterious murders! toxic relationships! all the things u mentioned!) is okay in fiction but not in real life! ayyy

not everyone who agrees with that calls themself "proship" (lots of them r just ppl who think its common sense, not a label, lol) and not all proshippers have good views. but thats the basis of the proship community in fandom!!

the reason there are so many antis, or people who think proship is bad, is because people jump to conclusions when taboo stuff is involved. it kinda goes like this: person A ships something with an unhealthy age gap, or whatever -> person B assumes that because A spends time writing or drawing it, they think it is okay irl -> B thus makes a post falsely claiming A is a pedo/abuser/whatever -> person B's followers take this at face value, without checking further.

this spreads like wildfire online! you know how it is.

its also important to know that: 1.) when someone makes content with these dark themes like murder or abuse or so forth, they should be tagging it/otherwise making sure people don't have to see it if they don't want to. its just common courtesy, so that nobody gets triggered. 2.) fiction and reality are different, but fiction still affects reality. writing about a murderer is okay, mentioning someone being transphobic in a story is okay. but trying to incite violence with hate speech, or turning a character into a transphobic caricature, etc, is obviously Not okay. ik ur aware of that! im just sayin that anyone who responds to criticism for bigotry with "fiction =/= reality!!" is misusing that phrase.

#lemme know if u have any other thoughts :0!!! ty for talkin w me krab <3 #discourse

[lunanheartache]

crossy & nowhere dynamics. they are brothers

growing up crossy was usually considered the firstborn / older of the two but he was also the more sickly & whiny, so he occupied a weird space as older brother but Protectee not Protector. nowhere obviously gets the inverse, as younger but also the protector. so cross ends up as the primary and easier target and his abuse reflects that (does nothing and is Punished), and nowhere gets placed as more aggressive / defiant so his abuse ends up reflecting that (does something and is Punished), which solidifies both of them into these mismatched roles. cross passive, nowhere aggressive. they both chafe under this. cross wants to protect his brother but can't make himself Do Something, so he is an emotional carer. nowhere wants to protect his brother and Needs to do something, so he will act out to do so

-> built off of that is the sisters, subconsciously or not, pitting them against each other. cross isn't as faithful and dutiful as nowhere. nowhere isnt as obedient and docile as cross. both of them think of the other as the "better" brother, but instead of getting jealous and knocking them down, they want Desperately to save each other. that's where their issues come in

in lot, they now have to deal with the issues in the outside world. sometimes the convent seems like it was better. reconciling the things they need to do to survive with their faith is challenging. cross really struggles; he takes pretty quickly to inventing personas for himself and playing roles so he can cope with it, but he really has difficulty reassuring himself that even if he has to do something bad, it's important to be alive. how he gets around it mentally is he's doing it to help Nowhere, and if he helps Nowhere, who is Better than him, Nowhere will be Good and so he'll be Saved. nowhere, unsurprisingly, comes to the same conclusion (just about cross). nowhere, however, doesn't have the same internal struggle over it. he rationalizes it quickly and that means even he hates what he's doing, it doesn't matter because it's for his brother. he killed the sisters (who were lying, which is bad) to save him, this is nothing.

-> neither of them can admit this to the other. it's too scary to admit out loud that you're Doing Bad Things so the other will be Saved. eventually leads to their fracturing, because when cross finally does brave telling nowhere about his doubts (it's been years and we're not changing and i don't know if i believe in lot?) this breaks their Whole Thing. nowhere has been doing all this shit For cross, and now cross is saying he doesnt think he can be saved? what the fuck? what have i been doing? is this why it didnt work? you did this. you made this not work. you made me do this

-> it bad

-> cross internalizes this because he cant not. everything before was his fault. anything was. he didnt even have to Do anything - he was just bad, and that was bad, and he would make things worse. so of course he made nowhere worse even if he tried to help. nowhere breaks for a while (kind of goes wild and lives in the woods for months) and really hits mental rock bottom. cross travels trying to find nowhere because he has to apologize and nowhere has to come back because theyve never been alone before and this is awful and please i just need my brother back.

after they reconcile and settle down in cahors, dealing with the remnants of these issues. nowhere has resolved his religious delusions after they exploded real bad, but he still struggles verbalizing this to cross. he knows he was incredibly cruel to his brother. cross thinks it was wholly justified but feels like shit about it still. he is not easily convinced by nowhere's new realizations (we are not going to be Saved because they all lied, but we were still made Like This. we can try to do good but it is okay if we're not Saved because lot designed us this way). it takes them a while to figure out how to communicate. cross learns to have his own agency and nowhere learns to like. relax lol. once they get on the same page, they feel much more settled. they still struggle with a lot of guilt. cross accepts emotional support from nowhere. nowhere learns to give emotional support and not just lash out at the issue. theyre both very critical people in each others lives and live together for the rest of them. cannot see them separating

#oc posting: crossroads #oc posting: nowhere #calen talks oc bits

[stahfakz]

12/3/23

Woke up feeling mentally clearer this morning. As much as I love going into the depths of fantasy land with M, it's effecting my mental health, especially when I need to focus on raising my kid, which im physically struggling with coping with at the moment, like housework, etc.

I sm going to admit I have VERY strong feelings for him, magnetically attracted to him physically, emotionally, and intellectually, I also understand that we're connected on some kind of psychic, soul-mate level, however until he shows me his feelings towards me, than I cannot continue to drag my feelings all over the place waiting for him.

Also, im unclear if you even slightly care about me. I have to wait until tuesday to determine how much you dont care.

Yes, I am experiencing some minor jealousy as you and our new tm seem to get along really well, and its effecting my confidence.

Also, you've told me you will quit if old tm comes back and, and you never reply to my messages.

I sometimes get the distinct feeling you absolutely don't care and it hurts a lot.

My emotions are all over the place because of this, so i have to try and let this imaginary infatuation go.

And then the other side of it is, i wish we could break through that communication barrier that clearly wants us to tell each other how we feel, express our love for each other physically. God, that would be bliss.

Why is this shit so hard?

Why isnt it easy?

Why cant you just come out and tell me how you feel?

How long is this going to go on for?

Do you even feel anything?

Or am I just one of the bros?

Why cant this be real?

Do you know how long ive waited for something like this?

Theres so many things ive wanted to tell you, thats why i reached out to you on fb, as i wanted to talk only to you about my dad, but you're so unavailable.

This is why i question, wtf am i doing waiting for you?

I need a man that can handle my pain, is emotional, sensitive and caring, and who im physically attracted to, and i thought that was you.

Please just let me know.

Do I wait for you, or do I let you go?

I cam imagine if your feelings are just as strong as mine, how we've connected so deeply, how hard it would be to loose a friendship like this.....but you're not giving me any signs and its been about 10 months.

Shit doesnt normally take this long.

Just fucking tell me so I can either move on or embrace this.

[rotting-creation]

friendly reminder that not only did communism and socialism not work, but it is also INCREDIBLY insensitive to many people in countries that are/were communist and had to ESCAPE, not emigrate but ESCAPE the country so that they had better lives.

sure, capitalism is also shit and I wish that we could live in a society where everyone was equal and no one was filthy rich.

and not the 1% btw, the one percent isnt actually fully rich. 1% of people is still in the millions to ten millions, these are usually higher middle class/working class people. for context, according to this, 0.5% of adults in the united states identify as trans, while 1.4% of young people identify as trans. And we know, as a society, that there are MILLIONS of trans people, so if trans people are only in the lower percentages, then maybe the one percent isnt as small as you'd think. The real, filthy rich people are in the 0.0001% of the population. and that number is so small it's often harder to tax. The problem is that these people earn more than the entire rest of the population.

The problem with communism and socialism? you are putting everything into the hands of the government. Communism is a dictatorship. And in most countries with dictatorships, they're not only never truly evenly spreading money, rather distributing most to a select few and leaving almost all of the rest poor; but as it's a dictatorship, most of the time (if not all) they ban things like religion - ALL religions, not just judaism, islam, sikhism, paganism or other religions, but also religions like catholicism, and all versions of christianism. not to mention homosexuality, being trans, alternative, as well as A LOT of media censorship. People in countries like that often get KILLED for saying anything against the government. Communism isn't your gay little perfect society fantasy that you want it to be, it's just as much if not even more of a dystopian hellscape.

please PLEASE look into what happens/happened in countries that are/were communist. And please, consider why so many people in these countries struggle/struggled, why so many die/died, why so many starve/starved. There is a reason it doesn't work. Be considerate of the survivors and sufferers. The people that push this want you to believe that it'd be a perfect little life, nothing ot worry about because it's what everyone wants. Everyone wants a perfect little life to enjoy. That is propaganda, do not listen. Any time someone says they have something to make society 'perfect' they are usually wrong, there will always be problems in society. We can only do our best to make these problems less prevalent, but problems can never be fully eliminated.

I am not, however, saying that we should go into a fully capitalist society either. We can also very clearly see how that's going wrong, with the lack of healthcare in the USA and things like that.

(Side note from a brit, wtf USA? everytime we hear about how you guys have it and how normal it is i just think like wtf, that's normal? like sure the NHS is being fucked over, but at least we have some form of healthcare. you guys are really living in a dystopian nightmare, not just healthcare but everything else as well.)

in my opinion, the true solution is a mix of the two, mix the parts that work to eliminate the parts that don't. Tax the mega rich more. Bezos and musk and all those people do NOT deserve as much money as they have. take those taxes and give the poor free healthcare, housing and basic necessities, better and cheaper education for everyone. Sure in these societies you'll still have the rich, but the rich will be less rich and the poor less poor. You have a more even playing field, which helps to also break the cycle of poverty. Just look a bit at germany or even the UK, yes we have our own societal problems, but the USA is just SO much worse in comparison. I am also fully willing to civilly discuss these opinions, also if anything isn't clear or you want me to go more into depth, I am also very willing to/

(side note, your opinions should ALWAYS be changing, they're formed by facts. Learning new facts should make you either just add another building block to the building, or if it doesn't really fit, maybe re-evaluate your building and find a new place for the block to go. Or just throw it in there and acknowledge that your building has it's faults and problems. You can't just chuck a block to the side and claim that your foundations are the sturdiest when they are so obsolete that they are almost crumbling to dust.)

But when you're living in a society where if you're puking your guts out, you just deal with it and hope you don't die because the hospital bills are gonna leave you in eternal debt; a country where just getting an education puts you in life debt, i'm not too surprised that people are craving radical change. That they look for any way out.

also fun fact, finland was just GIVING the homeless houses, and guess what? when people don't have to worry about their next meal, if they're gonna live through the winter, they can finally start worrying about working and build a happier and better life. SUCH a big shock /s

#communism #socialism #capitalism #social issues #tw bezos #tw musky husky boy #also remember when everyone was simping over him? #yeahhh that aged like milk #anti communism (sorta) #anti socialism (sorta) #anti capitalism (sorta) #listen i am only semi against them #i agree with many parts but also disagree with some parts #its like my gender. I mix the bits i like to cancel out the bad bits

[wodnes--coyotl]

i wish everything i was doing now, sometimes, was happening like ten years ago, before instagram took off huge, before tiktok and the hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper commodification of fucking everything (including gender and being trans but that's a whole other fucking narrative, but I saw an excellent piece recently on selling the identity of women back to them a la aesthetics and other avenues and it also struck a chord with me the way gender expansiveness is now being treated but in a weird nefarious way but it's 2am and im not going there right now). i remember 10 years ago, being the only fucking person I knew who knew about certain things (music, art, authors) and deeply yearning to find people like me, and when i did, it was chaotic and tragic and beautiful and magic and destructive and creative, but now, everyone is so fucking jaded, everyone already knows everything, everyone has already seen everything, heard everything, etc, so much has just lost meaning and i deeply mourn that. i really really do. the thing is, im not exempt from this either, no one is. my friend put it recently, "i hate to admit it, but when i was a lesbian in SF, we had our special group. cis het moms didnt cop our hairstyles bc itd get them bashed. it feels weird now. we dont have those groups or communities anymore because everything belongs to everyone even when it isnt theirs". and i dont think it's wrong to voice that, i really dont. when youve been cast aside and ostracized and marginalized, of course you want to keep what feels like "yours". it's weird when people try to decide that who you are is suddenly palatable for everyone and suddenly sellable to everyone when it got people thrown in jail, etc. it's a very weird pain. *i have been reminded by mostly Black friends as well, this is a phenomenon that has long plagued communities of color as well, I am obviously speaking from whiteness here and it's like, fuck, maybe things SHOULD be gatekept? i do feel that way. im tired of pretending like everyone needs a perfect shiny tiktok tween to explain something to them as if those kids actually have experience. not to undermine the beauty and shocking intelligence of minors but like, please. let's be real here. (13 year old tr*ns boys dont need to be 'educating' everyone, IMO, on tiktok). it just feels so weird. so much has changed irreparably even in the last 5-6 years. fuck, covid, trump, all of it. i feel hopeless, in some ways, transitioning and doing certain things moves me into the future, but I also have so little hope for the things i was once passionate about, and fear being repeatedly back stabbed again and again. i miss being younger and experiencing so much pain and beauty. im only 27. some of the people i ran around with when i was 21, 22, 23 were my age now.it just feels weird. i feel cheated of, something, but it's hard to put my finger on what and why.

#personalposting #do not interact to be like UH AKSHUALLY somethingsomething queer theory #i dont care this is my personal blog im journaling and i do not give a fuck about your politics

[bakugousbabygirl]

Toxic Aizawa Headcannons

genre: angst i guess?

pairings: aizawa x fem!reader

cw: || cheating || jealousy || cursing || manipulation || overall toxicity ||

A/N: this is kinda short, but i might do more of these and make them longer and add scenarios at the end. idk

SFW

• he's a scorpio.....that shit is toxic enough on it's own lmao

• but fr everyone seems to have this image he's a patient caring man and i mean he is, with his students

• but you? no

• you're an adult, you should just GET things but you don't which frustrates him beyond belief

• you're his partner, not his student he shouldnt have to baby you

• i also feel like aizawa has a thing for younger women, he's 31 and he likes his women in their early to mid 20's

• i feel like that isn't inherently toxic but the way he uses your younger age against you most definitely is

• when you get in an argument he throws it in you face calling you childish and stating how he should've just dated someone his own damn age

• shota definitely prioritizes his job over you, will stay out late at night patrolling. he will stand you up on dates to go to hero meeting and even be gone for weeks on missions without contacting you

• luckily toshinori and hizashi are nice men knowing how their colleague and friend is so they send you updates about him to keep your mind at ease

• this causes a lot of fights. he questions you on why you're talking to his friends, he wants you to stay out of his personal life. you try to rationalize with him that you are apart of his personal life and needs to start acting like it. if he's gonna be gone for long you tell him the least he could do is give you a heads up

• he argues back that you should just KNOW if he hasn't shown up he's gone for hero work and should be content with that. he tells you that you KNOW what you were signing up for when you started dating so why are you trippin now.

• he never yells but his tone becomes really harsh and his words cut like blades tearing you apart cutting you down until you feel so belittled that your argument isnt worth it anymore making you grow quiet

• he'll glare at you and make a few snide remarks before leaving like a upset father after scolding his daughter

• definitely avoids you afterwards, i mean he doesnt come home for a solid 2 weeks after and you dont get any updates from hizashi and toshinori because he told them to but out of his business

• when he comes back he pretends as if nothing ever happened, he already said what he had to say. why rehash it? and if you're really still hurt it's just gonna reinforce the fact he thinks you're childish and thinks he should've dated someone his own age

• speaking of people your own age if he catches you texting or hanging out with a guy your age he's gonna be pissed

• "what am i not good enough for you, you think i'm too old or something!?"

• like no bruh we were just having a friendly conversation what's your deal, PLEASE get over whatever complex you have dude

• I feel like aizawa would definitely judge the way you dress lmao

• with alternative fashion coming back in style you have a stab at it and start dressing like an e-girl because it's the easiest look to manage

• aizawa laughs his ass off at you saying how that isn't true alternative fashion and calls you a poser

• yeah yeah aizawa is a fuckin gate keeper, you can't tell me he wasn't emo back in the day

• tells you to change and never dress up like that again because it makes you look like some cheap cam girl

• if you ever try to walk away when hes scolding you he will use his scarf to tie you up making you sit down and admit you're wrong

• he's the type to stress that communication is key but doesn't communicate himself

• its more like he talks and you listen if you haven't gotten that by now

• he refuses to open up to you and keeps you 100% separated from his work and personal life

• probably makes fun of your trauma, nothing too fucked up like if your parents are dead or anything. hes not that much of a douche, but if its something like your sister use to lock you in the dark cold cellar at night and told you a monster was gonna get you he'd definitely laugh

• would even go as far as locking you in the basement closet to see how you'd react

• also gaslight you using your age against you saying how he knows more because he's older

NSFW

• wanna start this off by saying aizawa is defo cheating on you with midnight lmao take that how you want but he is

• when you catch him he just says it's not that serious and it just happened because they have history together and shes more mature and experienced. he said it wont happen again so why cant you get over it, stop being so childish

• i have a feeling he'd probably complain about how annoying you are to her during pillow talk 😹😹

• he's the type to keep a straight face when you're giving him sloppy toppy to give the illusion that you're underperforming and can't satisfy him but in reality his toes are curling and he's doing his best to hold back his moans because your head game is out of this world

• definitely is the dominant one and he'd laugh in your face at even the slightest mention of you taking over ( he does let midnight dom him tho😒)

• it was this one time where you asked could you ride him so he allowed it, you got on top of him and just when you were getting into the groove of it he rolled his eyes flipped you over and growled in your ear saying to never waste his time like that again

• when you try to initiate sex with him laughs at your cute efforts of trying to seduce him saying he's too old for that stuff to be appealing to him

• he'd use sex to take out all his frustrations on you

• it seems hot but not the way he does it, he'll have you in his lap infront of a mirror as he pounds into you while degrading you

• it starts off cute and light with just calling you things like his pathetic kitten but then the insults start getting a little too real saying how he could go find a better girl with a cunt just as tight as yours who doesn't annoy him and how you're such a bitch and you can't nag at him now that you're stuffed with his cock

• yeah needless to say you start crying and hit his ass with the safe word making him stop and he just rolls his eyes and mutters to himself about how the younger generation is so sensitive and kinda just....leaves you there to mope

• also yeah theres never any aftercare even after particularly rough scenes like that he just showers then goes to bed and expects you to do the same

• and it's not like he doesn't know with aftercare is, i mean he's banging midnight our bdsm queen he knows what aftercare is but just doesn't see you as important enough to be that intimate with

• if you do something that turns him off during the middle of sex and kinda just pushes you off of him and goes to sleep on the couch and won't have sex with you for a while

• drags himself at all types of late nights and early mornings crawling into bed with you whole you're still sleep and kisses you're shoulder saying to himself outloud "i'll do right by you one day"

#aizawa smut #aizawa sensei #aizawa imagine #aizawa x you #shoto aizawa #bnha aizawa #aizawa x reader #mha fandom #mha fanfiction #mha angst #mha #mha x y/n #mha x reader #bnha angst #bnha fanfiction #bnha #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #aizawa headcanons #mha drabble #mha blog

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Hey! If your uncomfortable please ignore this ask, but i was wondering if you could write something similar to malcome & marie? Thank you! Happy belated birthday!

Thank you baby! I actually thought about this ask for a bit. As a community we do NOT support or want anything like that in our lives, okay?

But if you as a reader would be uncomfortable with reading this then do not.

this will be kinda very similar to the plot of malcome & marie sooo....

Pairings: Film creator!tom x used to be sex worker!reader

WE SUPPORT SEX WORKERS. YOU ARE GOLDEN😩🙌🏽

Summary: after a celebration its time for the downfall

Warnings: argueing, slut shamming, smut mentions. Drinking, smoking. Not proof read. TOXIC- suicide mention.

I hopw this is just as confusing as it was in the actual movie, cuz yeah. Pls dont be shy to say something about it. And tbh if it isnt that good to you i dont blame you, its currently 11:16 and i should be asleep.

You and tom walked in, a wide smile on his face as he danced around and shut the front door behind him. “Baby i did it!”

A faint smile played on your lips as you walked to the kitchen “yes you did, tom. You hungry?” You asked, opening the fridge as he went to go get a bottle of remy and two glasses, the rings shinning bright on his finger. “Yeah, can i have uh-“ he thought, stopping in his tracks and jerking his head as he couldnt think of anything.

“How about pancakes?” He randomly said and you chuckled “pancakes? Really?” “Of course! A sweet treat for a very sweet day” he walked up to the kitchen placing the glasses and the remy down.

You laughed again before taking out the pan, he also got to work by getting out the mix and the water while you got everything else. A cigarette in your mouth as tom helped light it while you mixed up the powder with the water.

“I never knew i could make it so far” he muttered, grabbing the remy and pouring it into the glass, tilting his head back and letting out a small moan from the sting in his throat. “You did a good job”

“Ya know, everyone is so judgemental, like i could walk around with my shoes untied and somebody would fucking give me a glare- or even what you call it. a stank eye” you nodded at his words letting him know you were listening, “but when i made that fucking movie i had all these women just- i cant even explain it” he shrugged, walking around the house with the glass in his hand, a wide smile on his face while you sighed and puffed out the smoke, the sizzle from the mix going on the buttered pan audible before he speaked again.

“They just kept on telling me how fucking talented i am, how i get women so fucking well. I mean goddamn im such a fucking genius” he edged on, cocky as he stomped his feet at his words,’ such, a, fucking, genius’

“Yes you are tommy” you looked down and seen the mix bubbling, taking the spatula and flipping the pancake, shifting and leaning on your right leg as your dominant hand sat on your hip, the other holding onto the cig.

“But it’s confusing. Any other time they would probably fucking- what do you call it” he snapped his fingers before taking a sip. “Aha! Fucking cancel me!” He pointed at the ceiling. “Why would they do that tommy” you lifted your eyebrow, “youre only writing a good story” you sighed, looking at the plates and rubbing a mark that was left on them.

“People now days do it just because....just because their bored- or even because they dont like them- BUT-“ he lifted his finger towards you “they have no reason to”

“Mhm, you should wait for the reviews” you took the cigarette and put it in the ash tray, taking the fire out before putting the pancake on the plate.

“They have to be good! I can make fucking millions off of this” he smiled, quickly walking over before chugging his drink.

“Yes...yes you can” “and then we could buy a fucking island, a boat and even a horse!” He laughed, amazed and he set down the glass before coming behind you, pressing kisses to your neck as he watched you put the batter on the pan again.

“What makes you want a horse?” “What makes you think about reviews?” And with that you shrugged “just because a few reporters and new york news writers like it doesnt mean that everyone will”

“Why are you being so negative? Goddamn you bring the worst out of everything y/n” he let you go, and you looked at him, giving him the famous eyes.

“The worst? How about you go fuck yourself” you said, aggressively grabbing the spatula to flip the pancake. “Go fuck myself? Whats your problem”

You stayed silent, wondering if you should just go outside and smoke another cigarette or hear him bitch and moan. “Y/n you have a problem every other fucking day. I try to talk to you but you dont. You rather talk shit and let it marinate” he rested his hands on his hips and starred at you while you bit your lip and put the pancake on the plate, grabbing the syrup you put the right amount for him before aggressively walking to the table and slamming it down.

Your heels clanking against the floor as you made your way to the bathroom. Leaving tom by his self as he let out a harsh sigh and rubbed his chin, thinking about what he should do before finally grabbing a fork to eat his breakfast.

“You know. You do the same shit every night- you curse me out then the next hour you wanna suck my dick or something” you starred at yourself in the mirror, biting the side of your cheek before you took of the heels, then coming back out.

“How dare you, thomas” you said harshly, walking back to him and watching him eat the pancakes. “How about you be fucking mature and stop eating”

“No. I dont wanna fight” he shrugged, cutting the pancakes fancy before he placed them in his mouth. “Your such a fucking bitch” your eyes squinted as you leaned forward.

His eyebrows raised and he cleared his throat “a bitch?” He let out a loud laugh, tilting his head before coming back “i think we both know whos the bitch here”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” “Oh you know exactly what im talking about” and with that your jaw basically droppped to the floor “why are you suprised?”

“Have you ever thought-“ you caught your words before repeating them “im the reason why youre gonna get millions, if i was never there for you. If you were never in my life youd still be in that house that you hated so fucking much” you walked closer.

“Trust me baby you were apart of it, but you sure as hell werent the main character” “then please-please tell me who else was doing sex for money?” You asked, and he didn’t answer, instead continued to eat the pancakes.

That made you more aggressive, quickly walking to the table and snatching the plate. “How dare you have to nerve to talk shit about me while you eat what i made you”

“Fuck you y/n” “no fuck you!” He dropped the fork, his face becoming a shade of red. “Im the reason why youre in this fucking house right now, im the reason why you have that fucking ring on your finger” you said, then put your fingers on your ring.

“Dont you fucking dare take off that 50,000 thousand ring y/n” “why shouldnt i?” “Because you love me dont you, darling?” that made you soften up a bit, taking your fingers off the ring as he smiled, telling you to come over. He sat you on his lap, taking the cigarette out of his jacket that youre wearing, grabbing the lighter from his pocket.

You put the cigarette in your mouth and he repeated the same action, lighting it for you. “I love you y/n”

“Mhm” you smiled, taking out the cigarette to press your lips on his and he rubbing your hips, the passion over the tension in the room. “Oh well i thought the movie was shit, i uh- couldnt help but think thats not how it ends” you teased with an old grandma accent and he laughed.

“Yeah i did to, how does man get with a prostitute and marry them” he teased back making you both laugh. “The movie felt so real, it reminded me of my friend miranda” you playfully said with a more younger high pitched voice.

And it went back and forth, laughs leaving both of your lips until he pushed the buttons “man she really was a thot” your eyebrows furrowed as he laughed to his self. “Man he really was desperate for a blow job” you said in your serious voice “man i wonder why he hooked up with such a thot”

“I didnt mean it like that-“ “fuck you” you got off his lap and walked back to the bathroom. “Here you go again y/n!” He shouted, and you turned back around.

“Your so fucking selfish” “we werent even talking about that-“ “no fuck you. All you do is say i-i-i” you yelled, words strong. He stood up agitated “you know what you wanna argue, lets argue”

“You gave up on me” “if i gave up on you why would i marry you” “our love was strong in the beginning and then you just-became you” you looked at him up and down.

“That was because i was in love with your body” he smiled “really? Why didnt you just leave me on the fucking street!” You yelled again, “because I thought you deserved better, maybe you should still be in that fucking old apartment with fucking big ass rats running through it, men twice your age fucking your loose ass whole”

“FUCK YOU” you shouted pointing at him “maybe i shouldve used that sloopy mouth of yours to stay on my dick so you could stay shutting up” “NO FUCK YOU THOMAS” and with that you walked away, into the room this time before tom followed behind you.

“Please leave me the fuck alone before i flip out on you, please just leave” “no”

“You know what. I feel like once you feel like you gave everything they wanted and more you expect them to stay with your sorry ass” “oh im not sorry. And thats not true” he shrugged, standing infront of the door as you sat on the bed. “Im so embarrassed to call you my husband” you shook your head.

“Why shouldnt i be embarrassed to call you my wife?” He shrugged again, leaning against the door looking at you. “If it werent for me you wouldn’t be as happy as you are now” “what makes you think im happy y/n! Im really not” “and you think i am?!” You looked up at him, getting up and walking to him but he continued to back up, until you both were in the open hallway with a table in the middle of it.

“I was never happy in the first place” you said, eyes starting to tear up. “Dont give me fucking alligators-“ “do you know how embarrassing it is for someone to tell you to get your own fucking ride home because you wanna fuck someone else?” You asked, your voice changed as you wiped under your eye, smuding the makeup.

“I had to ask Harrison to give me a ride home. I was scared tom” you sighed, shoulders becoming slump. “What if i ran into somebody i fucked? And they forced me to have sex with them again or else theyd report me to the police?” You asked, breaking down and falling to the floor while tom watched, guilt and shame all ocer his face as he leaned against the table.

“I watched you with my two own eyes make out with someone then the next day you asked me to ride you. But you wanna slut shame me for being broke and needing to survive, that broke me so much. And i did it” you choked “i gave consent everytime, brusied my knees from getting on them for you. Just to make you happy. I let you get full of yourself and now its all about you” you whispered and he came down to you, holding you and pressing kisses on your hair while you broke down more, hiding away from him. “You let me stay out there on Christmas day” a frown met on his lips, thinking back on the day and how you were probably reallty cold, he knew you couldnt stand it.

“And i gave consent to getting married to you, your such a hoe” he couldnt help but chuckle “no seriously your a hoe to feeds for attention” you made eye contact with him, and then you both broke into laughs, sniffels leaving your lips causally but easily ignored knowing you feel slightly better.

And with that you both beard his phone ding, well multiple dings. You told him to answer it, check it. And it was a review, he stood up and helped you up, walking to the livingroom before going over to grab the glasses and remy, pouring it in both cups you both took one.

“Alright, this is from whats her name....janice!” He said, sitting on the couch and you sat between his legs in the floor, sipping the drink. “Overall the movie was great. But there was a few things that werent right in my opinion-“

With that his eyebrows furrowed, you played with the carpet as you waited for him to continue, he leaned forward with his elbow on his knee using his thumb to scroll. “I couldnt understand why the character had all these strange things about her, why the sex scenes were that necessary”

“Ding ding ding”

“Shut up y/n you arent helping- i don’t understand how jhon and candy got along and became freinds if they continue to have intercourse. What the fuck are you talking about? Bla bla bla” he muttered, skimming through it “how candy and ron got along? Shouldnt they be together of they clicked so well?”

A small laugh left your lips “me and Harrison? That wouldnt be so bad”

“How in the world did they get married? Honestly the whole relationship is toxic, but i see it as they were to late to give it up, they were already in a too tight knot. Thats not true we are madly in love with each other” he jerked his head at the phone.

“Ms janice does have a point” you cleared your throat a bit. “Y/n please. Ms janice has no fucking idea what shes talking about jhon and candy are in love with each other and they have problems sometimes....well most but oh well its not to late either one of them couldve got up and go”

“Not if one loved more then the other and it was to late to go, janice is right tom” you crossed your arms.

“Do you wanna-“ “no tom i dont. Just speaking my opinion, coming from a woman your being pretty harsh about it” “well it wasnt really about candy-“

“That doesnt make any sense, shes the main fucking character” you looked at him. “It was more on how jhon viewd candy” “then why was candy always in camera”

“Because...” he shrugged. “Your so dumb” you got up and sat far away from him on the couch, he eyed you in confusion “isnt that fucking movie based off of my life. Like im some type of experiment and you solved made something out of it” you dozed off, swirling the remy in your glass. “Im not feeding into this” he ignored you, until you got up and barked at him, which he looked at you as if you were crazy before doing it back “fucking prick!” You stomped off out of the livingroom and went outside.

“Fuckin-“ he couldnt come up with anything before he let out something random “fuckin mood swinger-“ you finally took the time to take off your makeup and dress, muttering words about him “thats why he stinks, smellin like a gorrila- asshole- man whore” you took a bath too, you didnt feel your best at the moment.

Tom on the other hand just took off his shoes and aggressively stomped on the pillows, throwing a tantrum and jumping on the couch and punching air, kicking it until he accidentally fell.

By time you were dont he thought about it “harsh?” He questioned and walked into the room, finding you reading a book on the bed with the night light on and a cigarette in your mouth.

“Y/n?” “Yes thomas?” You looked up at him “harsh?” He asked and you tilted your head at him “i wasnt being harsh about it” “mhm” you shut your book and set it on te night stand, he undressed until he was in his underwear and climbed into bed with tou.

“How was i being harsh about it” you sighed and rested the cigarette in the ashtray, not putting it out just yet. “You arent really aware of others feelings tommy” you said simply. “What does that mean?” He asked, crossing his arms and sitting up next to you, both backs against the headboard and he looked at you.

“It meas i loved you more then you loved me” his eyebrows furrowed at the statement “that cant be true” “tom it is. You didnt say it but you did. You only wanted me for my body. My love and soul came later and i was to blind to notice. That was my bad”

“Loved?” He questioned. “I think i started to love you less and got on a even level with you, then we built together” you shrugged, crossed a leg over your other one and crossing your arms to. He let out a small laugh, “you know i never understood why jhon died in the end and why candy committed suicide” you said and his heart sunk a bit low.

He cleared his throat before saying something “i know you’re afraid of losing me, y/n. I never told you this but ive read your journal” he nodded his head and you bit your lip, knowing every single letter you wrote and how much it sucked thinking back about those days.

“I know how much you loved me but hated me. But something really grabbed my heart. ‘I want to keep tom, hes like my soulmate. My hearts gotton closer by every minute and moment ive been with him. Even though i feel like ive been burned by some of the things hes done, id forever love him. Losing him would be like losing me entirely’”

“I still don’t understand” you mutter, silently wondering how he knew word by word. “I took advantage of that. Because when i was done reading it i knew it was true, it is true. I couldnt feel it in my heart, thats why i picked you up and took care of you. I noticed you really care for me and ive done nothing but asked you to suck me off, i thought i was making both of us happy by giving you what you needed, or wanted. I became so happy when we got closer, you told me about your new apartment and i was so excited, but it wasn’t because of me entirely. I wanted you to myself. I needed you to myself and you needed it too. So if you lost me you would lose everything, give up on love.” Everything he said was true, it wasnt what you wanted to hear but he needed you to hear the truth.

“So candy gave up on it” he shrugged “she didnt try because there was no need to, she didn’t think anyone else would love her, ‘without tom i have no one else, i know ive done some un speakable thigns with him but i can tell by his eyes and heart that he wants something, he just wont tell me’” he smiled, quoting off of your journal again with a smile on his lips. “Thats why i try every time to keep this relationship strong, go to therapy with you, kiss you and tell you how beautiful you are everyday, cook you breakfast when i know your trying to do something new”

“So youre only doing this because you dont want me to kill myself?” “No y/n. I did it at first but then i opened my eyes and noticed how much i really fucking love you” he uncrossed his arms and reached for your hand. “And i know you love me too, on a even page” you both shared a crooked smile, using your free hand and grabbing the cigarette and putting it to your lips. The time currently 4:30 in the morning as he reached for the cig, your eyebrows furrowed as you let him take it. “Since when do you smoke?”

“Since i had too much of your bullshit” “shut up” you both laughed, slapping his chest as he handed it back, a small laugh leaving his lips. “Im sorry for giving you such a headache” he muttered and you ignored it, putting out the cigarette and turning off the night light, keeping your distance from him you got under the covers and shut your eyes, and he did the same, turning away from you so you are back to back.

A smell of bacon filled your nose when you woke up, a faint smile on your lips as you got up, walking to the kitchen and finding thomas cooking.

“Whats the special occasion?” “I know youre trying something new”

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