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the-s1lly-corner · 6 months

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Can you write the TADC cast with a male ballet dancer reader? The reader experiences gender dysphoria 24/7 because they look very feminine and all that.

TADC cast x male!ballet dancer!reader w/ dysphoria

back to finishing up the current line up of requests!! reminder that im only doing requests that have been sent in prior to them being closed! any requests that are sent in while theyre still closed will not be taken and will be deleted so i can keep track of what was sent before closing; its nothing against any of yall and you guys can resend your stuff when they are reopened (i will make it very obvious when they are so dw!!) on a different note i could have sworn i did a cast request with a reader who does ballet; but i guess it was only for jax and i was confusing the group request for the ballora type! reader from this morning huh anyways!! i hope you enjoy this anon! quick warning that i know literally nothing about ballet so im

CAINE:

i think he enjoys a bunch of art forms; from music stuff to dance stuff to painting stuff, this man has taste. i think he would give you a bunch of outfits for you to wear and swap around that fits your aesthetic. bro would give you a whole walk in closet. as for dysphoria, i think he would do a similar thing with jax and reinforce how masculine you are to him, usually through affirmations, but he also shows it through just being there for you, bro is not only your number one fan but hes also your biggest supporter

POMNI:

i am yet again stumped on what to put in for pomni, since i think pomni is. bad at comforting people. very awkward, do not go to her for advice she will fumble so bad. now its not like shes not trying, but i think she would be all over the place trying to cover everything that could possibly help you; perhaps you two ultimately settle on cuddling one another... if this werent the digital world you two would probably put on a movie to take your mind off of it. as for her thoughts on ballet! i think she would find it neat, similar to jax she would have a form of respect for it!

RAGATHA:

she thinks it looks pretty, the dancing! she wouldnt know all the history or more in depth parts of it but she would watch you practice if you allowed her too... i think she would make you a binder, if your digital body causes any gender dysphoria for you.. though now that i type this i recall it being said that the characters clothing being stuck to their body.. so maybe she would just make you clothing thats more masculine as well? im not sure on this one!

JAX:

doing jax first since he already got a similar post and i can use it as a basis; ive said this in that post as well as the ballora one but i think he would at least appreciate the dedication and hard work that goes into ballet... to like, fully commit to something like that impresses him you know? as for dysphoria, i think he would make it a point to call you more masculine terms. hes gonna be trying his best to try to help you with your dysphoria in the way that best helps you. lays off on his teasing on days where its worse

KINGER:

i am yet again distraught that i do not have many ideas for kinger this time, which is sad because hes my favorite character and i can relate so hard to the dysphoria thing... thinks.. probably throws all of his knowledge at you. i mean hes been in the circus for a while, hes probably seen at least a few people come and go; and sure what are the odds that he has some experience helping someone fight through their dysphoria... a boy can dream! takes you to his pillow fort and lets you stay for as long as you want

probably sits and watches you dance on a makeshift pillow thrown. claps when you're done, probably throws roses... i think caine would throw roses too except he would throw way more simply because he can literally. manifest as many as he wants

ZOOBLE:

i dont usually like sharing my lgbt hcs about characters out of fear that it would be met with discourse but if i recall correctly zooble doesnt really have a gender/a set one (if im wrong correct me!) so they understand the dysphoria thing; i think they would offer to let you hang out in your room and vent your feelings out. probably tries to give advice on how to feel better in general if you want advice, but if you want comfort theyre gonna do your best to give it to you. i dont think zooble would have much of an opinion on ballet; neither negative or positive, simply knowing thats its an art form! supports you if it makes you happy, though!

GANGLE:

while not the same thing, i like to think gangle used to do ribbon dancing in the real world... because... ribbon girl. see look im so so creative

but also i think it looks pretty

so you guys can bond over your hobbies! you might have to pry gangle to open up and talk about her interest in it, assuming she picks it up again in the digital world! as for dysphoria, i think gangle would be like zooble in terms of lending you some support; offers to help distract you if you dont want to tackle the issue at that point in time. i dont know about you, but sometimes i just, dont want to deal with my own dysphoria, but perhaps thats just a me thing

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

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antiv3nom · 6 months

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ive been enabled so im making a new post for it <3 n e ways welcome to my list of what characters the straw hats would play in guilty gear strive

luffy - sin kiske/may

ok first of all im entirely biased but luffy would fucking LOVE sin, like the bit of him eating to get buffs would DEEPLY entertain luffy (although he'd use it entirely way too much and get blown up for it)

but for both characters, i think he'd be a big fan of doing like one hit and a simple combo and absolutely DESTROYING someone's health bar, which fits for both of these. he wouldn't be very GOOD at the game because he wouldn't be able to sit still and wait for openings or anything of the sort but boy would he be great at corner pressure (until he gets dp'd)

zoro - nagoriyuki

i swear to you im not just giving the sword guy the sword guy (although that's certainly a factor because i bet you that'd influence zoro's character decision) but like. zoro is also the type to want to do one combo that does a ton of damage

i think he'd be moderately better than luffy and defense and neutral though, being able to open people up with pokes (cough cough beyblade cough cough), but he'd CONSTANTLY spend too much blood, although he plays surprisingly well inside of blood rage

nami - asuka r#

nami is the type to want to stand on one side of the screen with her opponent on the other side of the screen and just shoot so many fucking cubes at them honestly. plus i think she'd be really great at keeping track of spells and resources while she plays

however if u can get in on her? it's over, she has negative defense and constantly flails and mashes her way to death, but otherwise she's a pretty solid player. also, im a wizard's whimsy believer regarding nami so. asuka!

usopp - happy chaos/axl low

usopp is ALSO a zoner main but like. to the fucking extreme. hes GOING to guard crush loop you from across the entire screen hes GOING to rensen your ass for a whole round hes GOING to be sent through the fucking wall if you close in on him

sanji - giovanna

ok so i actually think this is a cool decision because like. we see gio use her hands in like...2? 3? of her moves? like its 5p 2p and 6p and thats about it. and its GIVING SANJI!!!!

i do think that sanji would have fun playing a rushdown character but also he'd get so good at playing defense bc he doesnt want to let gio get harmed

chopper - jack-o' valentine

CHOPPER WOULD HAVE A FUCKING BLAST PLAYING JACK-O'!!!!! i dont think hed be good at strive by a long stretch but hed LOVEEEE controlling the goobers and all the silly animations hed be having the time of his life

the ASSUMPTION might be faust but i think chopper finds him too creepy to enjoy playing him regularly

robin - anji

robin is a fucking MASTER in neutral i am convinced of this, specifically that she can just. get her opponent to do what she wants. so easily. and then she uses spin and kills them! as is her right!!!

this one is more vibes than anything but i do think she'd enjoy spin and counter as moves to just fuck with her opponent in a major way, plus anji just being a graceful motherfucker

franky - potemkin/goldlewis dickinson

franky doesnt want to play your silly little game. he doesnt want to hold your mix, he doesnt want to set up oki, he doesnt want to play neutral, he wants to KILL YOU AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE

this isnt how he approaches things in life but i think theres something about strive that would just make him want to do the biggest damage possible with the least amount of hits and he'd want to land every fucking pot buster and behemoth typhoon to ever exist. unfortunately this means he wouldnt entirely be engaging with the strategy side of the game and would frequently be blown up but if he can get one grab on you hes happy.

brook - i-no

look. ok. the music connection is awesome and i think brook would enjoy mixing you into oblivion but. i have never met an i-no player who doesnt play her at least in part because she's hot. and thats absofuckinglutely how brook would choose who he plays LMAO

like its JUST the nature of the world. but in terms of gameplay yeah i think he'd like flitting around the screen with her hoverdash and divekicks and he'd have so much fun with her pressure and mix

jinbe - sol badguy

ok for legal reasons i have to specify that like i have met jinbe and know him im thr series but not super well so take my opinions with a grain of salt. but anyways i think jinbe would have a lot of fun with sol, he feels like the type who wouldnt like play strive much on his own but REALLY get into it when playing with other people, and i need him to experience the euphoria of hitting a clean hit hvv or getting a wallbounce combo

i also think he's another fan of doing a shit ton of damage all at once but i think he's willing to do some comboing and some setups to get there, and i think he's get REALLY fucking good at stagger pressure it would be scary

#do i main tag this post???#i want to.#i want people to see it.#one piece #straw hat pirates #guilty gear #guilty gear strive #ggst #thats all im tagging. look at my words boy #thank god no one from my strive team actively looks at my tumblr posts #im also gonna. i think. idk i dont have a headcanon tag but i wanna be able to find this #im just gonna #keep #cool

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m-joys · 2 years

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Bayverse Turtles with a S/O who has a scar

@baby-turtlefan :could you do a tmnt14/16 headcanon where the turtle crush has a big scar that they try to hide, but the turtle saw it and ask why they are hiding it? (Like a big scar on there arm, on there head or other places due to an accident or something like that) Sorry if my English is bad, it isn’t my mother language.

A/n_:This took way too long and its crap. English isn't my first language either, so excuse me for that. Not proof read or edited, Ive been struggling a lot lately lmao

----

Leo:

Realizes something's wrong when he gets to know you a bit better. He's very observant whether he's aware of it or not. Notices those small things like checking yourself out on your phone screen or fixing your makeup even if you're at home.(If its on your face)

He sees it all. When you pull your sleeve down just enough to cover your palms,avoiding to wear shorts or anything showing your legs and changing immediately once they arrive at your place (if its on your body)

Puts off comforting you about it for a while. He has feelings for you and wouldnt risk putting you in an uncomfortable situation by asking something that he thinks isnt his bussines.

Over time that worrying builds up in his mind,which isn't suprising since his thoughts about it consider only the worse.What if somethings going on but you don't want to tell them because youre scared how they'll react?What if another person inflicted that scar on you?What if its more?

Once he decides to confront you about it he does it in privacy of your apartment or his room.He wont specifically ask you to come to his room or ask to meet up alone just so he could ask you,but if you're already in that position he might as well go for it.

Depending on the way you got the scar and what you choose to tell him,his reaction might differ a bit in a sense od what his thoughts are on the whole situation.

Carries a gentle approach before you even start talking about it. Makes sure you know that you can tell him everything and that he wont judge you the slightest.You his crush afterall,he loves you deeply and is trying his utter best to make you feel loved without revealing that he loves you back(at least not too much,hes bad at keeping this kind of thing a secret)

That reassurance goes far beyong just that moment.If he ever notices you starting to cover it up or checking if other people can see it he just takes in your hand and shoots you that comforfing look in his eyes(you know what I mean) that could make the worst pain feel so much better.

After that, he realizes that it doesnt matter if you return his feelings(how could you not tho?).He loves you and his first priority as that youre feeling safe being yourself around him and seeing him as someone you can trust,just like how he trusts you.

Raph:

Takes a bit more to notice whats actually going on.Its not that he doesn't care about you,it's just that to him its far much more important how you two get along and interact whit each other than what you might consider "imperfection" in your appearance.

Brushes off you hiding it a couple of times until it builds up over time that he can't help but not notice.That repeated action of pulling your sleeves downward/checking yourself in a tiny mirror started annoying the hell out of him.

It's not the act itself that's getting on his nerves but rather the feeling like you don't think of him like someone who can understand you and what you're feeling.Sure,he can act like a big brute sometimes,but he still likes to think that you're close enough to share stuff with each other.

Asks you in a middle of a conversation what's going on with you hiding your scar. Sure,to you it may seem like he asked you out of the blue, but really hes been planing about asking you a week prior but has never gotten the chance.

You were talking about anything and everything, making jokes, confessing some of the embarassing shit you've done before meeting, laughing at the previously mentioned jokes. The atmosphere was good so he thought it would be a good idea to ask you while you're still in a good mood.

Regrets his decision when you go awfully quiet. Wasnt prepared for it to go this way and doesnt know what to do at the moment. Starts tripping over his words as to break the silence,but somehow makes it more uncomfortable.

After a good minute of kinda stuttering and getting frustrated, he just gives up and says whats on his mind in the most simple way he can. That includes something in the lines of "Look, I really care about you and I wish you could trust me to accept you as who you are just like you accept me."

If you were unsure if he likes you up to that point,now you know for sure what he thinks about you(all the nice stuff ofc). This leads you to becoming more aloof about covering it up and possibly being less insecure about it.

Donnie:

Noticed it casually,took a note of it in his mind and forgot it later. Think like "Oh they have a scar, alright nice". He remebers it and acknowledges it but doesn't mention it since he doesnt see it as a deal-breaker.

Starts thinking about it more when he remembers it during one of his brain storms where he just gets a rush of a thousand diffrent things at once.Has a one sided 10 minute conversation with himself about how he should go about this.

He's not sure what approach he should go with so he starts noting down your behavior as to decide the proper action he should take. Do you seem to hate it or just dislike it? Are you actively hiding it or just covering it up? Depending on the answers it might go two ways:

If you seem to really dislike it and are very insecure about it he will take a slower approach,waiting for you two to get close before he does anything drastic. He wants for you to feel comfortable sharing a sensitive topic with him and openly discussing it together.

Waits for the perfect situation which is most likely when you're both alone, most likely in his room, and slowely eases into a casual conversation with you talking about usual topics or just how has your day been.

He takes the moment after a good laugh when your both relaxed to simply spit it out. Regrets it the moment he notices your eyes get glassy after theyve lost their spark and you no longer seem to be in as happy mood.

Speed-talks about he didn't mean to make you uncomfortable and just wants you to trust him enough to discuss it with him and how you still dont have to if you don't want to. Stops and realizes his distress is putting you in a worse space then it was before.

Sits you on his bed and tells you that you can open up if you want but that he's not gonna force you. In the end you decide to talk to him because you can see his genuine concern.Reassures you the whole time that you're beautiful both inside and out.

That night can end in two ways: a) Both of you hugging it out and parting your ways or(the nicer option) b) accidentally falling asleep(since the tots have a messed up schedule) on his bed while he admires you and later goes out to finish some project being very proud of himself.

Mikey:

Notices within the first month of knowing you and asks right away. Chances are, you two hang out a lot once he realises you're his crush (which is like a moment after he met you) and because of that same reason he becomes very observant.

There isnt much thought behind his question, just curiosity. He would gladly answer all your questions (unless godly uncomfortable, but chances are low) and wants you to answer his. Hes not going to force you if you're uncomfortable and will regret asking it later when his alone.

Doesn't like the fact that he made you not feel comfortable and just a second after will assure you that you dont have to answer and that he just thought it was cool. Secretly hopes that you will choose to answer 'cause you're his crush and he wants you to be able to trust him.

Listens carefully while sitting across from you with a hand on your shoulder, all while nodding his head. He understand everything and is glad you choose to trust him with something you didnt like about yourself.

As of what he thinks about your scar, he finds it very intresting. He has a lot of his own, some that he doesnt think flatter his looks, but will proudly show them to you and run his mouth about how he got it and where he got it.

Loves listening to your stories too! Not just about that one certain scar, but any other scars you might posses. Sees it as some very intresting bonding time and will initiate it after the whole situation

Considers that youve gotten closer after that inciddent. The thing that matters the most to him is you and the friendship and possible relationship that could bloom within you two. Boys head over heals, and youll be abble to see it by the way he acts around you.

#tmnt 2014 #tmnt leo x reader #tmnt raphael #tmnt bayverse #tmnt donnie #tmnt 2016 #tmnt mikey #tmnt raph x reader #bayverse turtles #bayverse donatello #bayverse mikey #bayverse michelangelo #bayverse raph #bayverse leo #tmnt x reader #tmnt mikey x reader #tmnt donnie x reader #tmnt donatello

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mochiwrites · 3 months

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“The plan has changed. I’ve hired someone to do what you couldn’t do the first time.”

NONONONONONONONONO GRIAN PLEASE GRIAN NO GRIAN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GRIAN NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONNONONONONONO

THAT TEASER YOU POSTED SOME TIME AGO MAKES THIS SO MUCH WORSE NONONONONONONONONONONONO

He knows what he has to do, what he’s meant to do. It’s the role he’s been cast to play.

Secret life parallels oh lordy lord. i am SO UNWELL. no. NOOOOOOO. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i legitimately dont have any words. the only way i can properly express how im feeling right now is just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He’s not naive and hopeful like Grian is, or as kind as Mumbo can be. He’s selfish and cruel, and his loyalty is fickle.

this is legitimately one of my favorite parts of scar's character actually. i don't have the brain power to properly analyze this, but something about how honest he is about this is so. augh. this trait is what's ultimately going to be his demise (at least, he thinks so). he'll lose grian and mumbo (possibly through death) because he chooses tubbo over mumbo and grian. he knows and he's not proud of it but it's vital to his survival anyways so he does nothing to fight it.

i dont think i make sense at all and theres a great possibility ive mischaracterized him entirely (it wouldnt be the first time, sadly) but i love it regardless. i love how flawed he is. how flawed they all are. i love how tragic their stories are. grian with his unwavering hope and optimism that gets constantly tested (and possibly crushed at some point) and scar with his insistence to not get close that eventually stabs him in the back and mumbo with his guarded but oh so big heart that he's tentatively given out only to get hurt in some way. please correct me if any of this is wrong, btw, id rather be corrected than live in ignorance of the truth

No amount of rope can pull him out. It’ll snap apart under the weight of his actions, so why try? There’s no real point in it.

this is why you need a grian, scar. sigh.

He needs to stop being Scar and start being the Grim Reaper. He sucks in a breath, throwing Scar away.

oh this is fantastic because scar cares so deeply for them and would do just about anything to protect them, because as much as he tries not to, scar cares and loves. but that's exactly the problem because he cares for and loves tubbo so much he'd do just about anything to protect him, including sacrificing grian and mumbo. but scar couldn't possibly do that when he cares for them so much. so he weaponizes the grim reaper, who doesn't care for anyone or anything besides getting the job done.

im genuinely just rambling here there's zero coherence to be found in any of this

“We figured we should take advantage of the peace while we can,"

wow youre really just pulling out all the stops to make this hurt as much as possible arent you

But even then… surely it wouldn’t take this long to heal.

this is SOOOOO CONCERNING are you KIDDING ME???? MUMBO PLEASEEEEEEEEE YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME MAN😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“Maybe we can come back tomorrow earlier.”

i have you say you are incredible at setting the mood. having an idea of what's about to happen as a third party, watching it all unfold. grian and mumbo being right there and nearly getting to the truth, but not quite getting it because they trust scar. BECAUSE THEY TRUST SCAR!! grum and jrum being there adding to the innocence of it all and amplifying how unsettling scar's actions are. "maybe we can come back tomorrow" when there's not going to BE a tomorrow for them (assuming scar succeeds). it's so tense. it's so anxiety-inducing. it's such an intense sense of foreboding and it has my heart rate genuinely going up. infinite props to you.

He aims for Mumbo’s shoulder.

might be overthinking this but i hate that this implies the possibility that scar informed this assassin with ways to make the killing easier

He grits his teeth as he pulls another glyph from his pocket. He slams it between his hands, vines wrapping up around his arms.

GRIAN'S GLYPHS LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO!! IT'S EVEN COOLER THAN ID IMAGINED HEHE

“Did you get hit at all?” He does a quick scan of the changeling for any injuries.

you're really making this hurt

“Dad!” the two boys cry, the word not registering to any of them in the moment.

AAAAAAAAAA YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY STOP IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Blood splatters on the ground in thick drops, spilling in the grooves of the cobble path.

i havent read ahead and i swear to god if this is grian sacrificing himself for mumbo and he turns around and sees grian's body on the pavement and screams "GRIAN!" and that's what the teaser was and that's how it ends my brain is going to be filled with unspeakable screaming until it gets confirmation that he's okay.

“GRIAN!”

I WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE RIGHT. I WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAVE GUESSED CORRECTLY. I WASNT. THAT WASNT. IM. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IM. I HAVE NO WORDS. I HAVEN'T A SINGLE COHERENT SENTENCE. I AM JUST. WOW. IM. WHAT. NO. NO?????? NO. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HFGJFHKFHGJFK WELL. HI LMAO

reading through all of this with a big grin because excitement and Also knowing what happens next >:3c I'd apologize about the teaser thing but I am Not sorry WHEEZE

but in regards to the scar stuff, you're 100% right, yeah, along with grian and mumbo. they're all flawed characters just trying to do the right thing with the cards they've been dealt. their best qualities are Easily their greatest weaknesses. and none of them realize it but y'know. that's what being human is all about! :D

aND THE GRIM REAPER YEAHHHH. I talk about it all the time but I genuinely love scar being the grim reaper. weaponizing it in this chapter. he's such an interesting character to both study and write

but !!!! very glad to see that the first bomb of three has landed appropriately! :D

#mochi speaks #songbird asks

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dckweed · 2 years

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can you do a hurt/comfort or angst/fluff with reader x jonathan byers? preferably the reader comforting jonathan after maybe something to do with his father or will going missing or something? maybe like the reader reassuring him its okay and that they will be with him through all of it?

sad gal hours with this one :( hope you enjoy babes! sorry this took so long, my last post took it out of me lol.

p.s. im low-key in a dark mood so this might come out a little bit darker than i meant it too and im so so sorry

p.s. i had a whole lot written, more than what was below and then tumblr glitched and didn't save my draft so now it's shorter than what i meant it to be.

warnings: no age limit bc no smut, mentions of death, lots of sadness. ive been told that i have an unfortunate gift for making people very strongly feel the emotions of my characters, so this is your official warning that you may slip tears if ive done my job correctly today. also i generally don't proof read or edit so sorry for any spelling mistakes.

'.. THICK AND THIN..' jonathan byers x reader

It was a dreary, cold day in Hawkins Indiana. A large group of people clad in all black stood staring around a large, deep hole in the nearly frozen ground, a casket directly above it.

The Byers family were burying their youngest, a boy named Will, whom you had come to love deeply in your time of knowing him. He was like a little brother to you as well, you being a constant in their home as of late.

You stood next to Jonathan, your hand squeezing his tightly. You could feel how tense he was, you knew he was upset by his father's presence, he hadn't cared one damn bit when Will had first gone missing, so why did he even bother showing up now? Knowing Lonnie, and you knew the stories of course, it was probably because he wanted something, or was trying to take some kind of advantage of the distraught, heart broken Joyce.

You couldn't help but look around at all of the people who had showed up, the ones that actually did care about the boy and his family. You noticed Mike Wheeler just in front of you, tears falling from his eyes. You reached a hand over, squeezing his shoulder. You felt bad for the boys, you loved Will's friends, and it was clear how bad his bunch of goofball buddies missed him.

When the service was over, and everyone who came had finished saying their 'im sorry's' and had shaken Lonnie's hand, you and Lonnie managed to get Joyce and Jonathan to the car.

You didn't care for Lonnie, but you were thankful he was at least helpful in this situation. You say in the back with Jonathan has he drove, your hand gripping his tightly. You knew that he wanted to break down, but he wouldn't let himself because his mother was already a crumbling broken mess big enough for the two of them, you had told Jonathan that you didn't mind shouldering the job of picking up everyone's pieces, but he wouldnt let you do it by yourself.

Once you were back at the Byers house you helped Jonathan inside, laying your coat on his bed before sitting next him after shutting his bedroom door. You could hear the bathroom door close down the hall, and the shower kick on.

Jonathan was stiff, and he had a hard look on his face. You could tell that he was trying very hard not to cry. Not knowing what else to do, you take his face in your hands, moving so you're sitting on his lap.

"Hey, hey...it's okay to cry, Jonathan.." You say, giving him what you hoped was a reassuring enough look, you felt his hands on your thighs, squeezing so lightly you couldn't even tell they were there. You moved your hands down to your shoulders, pushing his jacket off of them and down his arms. "Come on, let's get you into something more comfortable."

You stood, moving off of his lap before going to his dresser, you pulled out a Tshirt and some pajama pants for him and moved back to him, he was still sat there unmoving. You give a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth, running your hands through his hair before unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off of his shoulders as well.

It took you a few minutes but after a while you had him dressed in a green tshirt and plaid pajama pants, you straightened up after putting his pants on for him and immediately he engulfs you in a hug, his arms wrapping around you to the point where you feel as if you're suffocating, but you don't tell him to let go, you wrap your arms just as tightly around him, letting your head rest against his chest.

His mouth his pressed to the top of your hair, and you feel his body shake as he lets out a sob, and then another one, and before you know it, you're collapsed on his floor in a heap, holding on to him as tightly as you can, trying to comfort him as best as you can as he shakes and sobs and snots all over you.

It lasts for a while, you sit there happily until he calms down, moving his head into your lap as you go to play with his hair. You gave him a soft smile, looking at him almost sadly, you hated that he was going through this, that his mom was probably just as bad. You wished that you knew how to comfort both of them, that you could go back in time and fix this entire situation.

"Thank you..for everything." You hear him sniffle, his voice soft and quiet, laced with sadness. "You don't have to be here, Y/N, you don't have to care like you do, but you do and you have no idea how grateful i am every day that you're here.."

You smile, leaning down to kiss his head before tapping his cheek gently. "Hey, I made you a promise, remember?" You say, giving him a look. "I may have made it when I was drunk off my ass, but i still meant what I said...you're stuck with me, through Thick and Thin, remember?"

Jonathan shifts, looking up at you, his mouth opening as if he's about to say something, but he stops, both of you turn your heads towards his bedroom door as you hear shouting, and you both get to your feet immediately, the sweet moment ruined.

#stranger things #stranger things s2 #stranger things s1 #jonathan byers #jonathan byers x reader

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stovetoast · 9 months

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i know this is my art blog but i can do whatever i want. agents posting GO (WARNING THIS IS MESSY)

agent 3: lake. 19 (11 in splatoon 1), they/them

i dont have a lot on lake!!! they actually didnt get recruited at all, they just kinda... stumbled into the battlefield while the octavio fight was happening and insisted on sticking around afterwards because they had Way Too Much Energy. they dont really know a lot about their past before that, even less after oe. they now spend a lot of time researching turf game strategies (theyre not legally allowed to play because their special limiter is broken) and trying to push through the chronic fatigue. oh, and theyre in a qpr with 8.

personality . uhh basically lake likes to pretend theyre still silly but its Not working. they cant really speak above a certain volume either without it hurting. im so bad at describing personalities heeellllp hellllp help meeee helllllp

agent 4: mari(elle). 21 (15 in splatoon 2), any

the child of two splatlandian grizzco higher-ups! like... they work with the bear himself! they worked under the company at the inkopolis location for a while, including while the whole callie disappearing fiasco was happening, at least until the company got big enough where he could quit and her parents wouldnt notice. they didnt. cool! there may or may not be a reason that they didnt (wink) but i havent decided yet.

mari is kinda uhhhm. well. ive described it as theyre working on being silly without being mean. and hes been getting better :] + toni kensa fan oh heeeeelllllll no

agent 8: august/kass. 19 (13 in oe), he/him

oh god yeah i dont have a lot on him either. basically baby kass and baby lake met a few weeks before the Oe Incident and became fast friends. but then the metro happened and uhhhyeah you can imagine what happened to that. they both know they were close but dont really uh. actually i explained this better in another thing let me grab that.

"the key difference between a normal playthrough and this is that, not only did he run into agent 3 a few times in the metro, he… lost an eye when they were sanitized. the same eye, in fact. plus, his memories weren't entirely… restored, like how it i assume its implied to in oe. the contents of the mem cakes were merely evidence that there was a life before this, something to evoke feelings, and something to keep him going. that isn't his life anymore."

anyway. oe happens and now were here. present day kass is SILLY okay? but in the way that like. he dunks bread in pepsi and stares at mari (roommate) with the most blank face imaginable when they look at him weird. i dont know where im going with this hes just weird. he also has a strange fixation on death as a coping mechanism for the fact that his first memories are pretty much of zombies but hes respectful about it dw

new 3: clementine "kit"/patch. 16, it/its

basically it was forced to take on an unhealthy amount of schoolwork (+ a few extra years of school) because its parents live all the way in calamari county and didnt want it doing stupid shit. its primary guardian is its older sister, whos a lot nicer about this stuff yay! but yeah uhh splatoon 3 basically happens because it wanted to escape that. why it actually went in the manhole is up to interpretation .

through the nss bonanza business it made a friend, my friends oc ball :] together they are agent 6 and agent 9 (dubbed by lake because they knew itd get confusing) and theyre Siblings Yaaay. its smallfry friend (agent 3) is dubbed sen, short for baby sensory video, at least while kits learning their language. it doesnt know a lot about sen but is in the process of learning!!

its generally very quiet and soft-spoken to most people because of how it grew up, but in more of the ^_^ way ig??? despite that its also known to not have a sense of self preservation, again because of how it grew up. it goes out in the scorching hot desert for random junk. it ended up with severe facial scarring because it dove into danger so much in alterna. im describing this very badly im so sorry.

#k_c nss #splatoon

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moss-and-marimos · 4 months

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info dump to me about whatever media, OC's, albums, or anything else that comes to mind! :D (if you want to, that is)

infodump incoming about my dnd character

Grahhhhhh Percival makes me actually wild, hes a triton, he looks like this, sorry If ive showed you him before I cant remember

but this guy makes me actually wild. hes so unwell hes got so many issues. we've finally started getting a little into his lore in the campaign and I got to call his sister last session which is a big step, and hes finally getting comfortable with the party calling him nicknames which is a big deal because like very very early on campaign I told the other players that he was the type to silently judge you if you called him Perci instead of Percival if you weren't close with him, but last session was the first time one of the other people slipped and called him perci and I got to be like 'he doesnt react negatively' and theyre all like omg we got nickname privileges and im very happy about it at the same time unfortunately though, a lot of his development is kinda gonna go down the drain now because we've got a new player joining the campaign and its really gonna mess him up, he was finally feeling comfortable in the character dynamic, they just saved his life literally and that means a lot to him, but now a new person is joining and thats going to feel like a big betrayal of trust he had a party before this one a few years ago, when he was a lot newer to the surface, and they didnt really care about him or treat him well, and so to get healed by the others meant a lot, because the other party wouldnt heal him unless he was fully downed, always saying that he was overreacting because he was a kid (he was 16-17 at the time) which just wasn't true, this guy has a high pain tolerance and is used to hiding injuries from adults, and so to 1. see his party immediately heal him and for even the pacifist to start taking the fight seriously once he got seriously injured meant a ton, and 2. that they didnt immediately freak out at his blood being the 'wrong color' (his blood is blue) also meant a ton to him. this guy has issues he has so many issues. hes got some kind of complex about not being human enough and it messes him up, but the party has all been nice about him being nonhuman and it means a lot, even though he still tries to mask a lot of his nonhuman traits around them

in the future at some point the campaign is going to go back to the undersea and im trying to figure out how he would react to that. even though hes a fish and comes from the ocean, ever since he left at 16 I dont think hes ever, or at least not often, gone back. his parents were really awful, and hes scared to step very deep into the water because, even though he can breathe underwater literally, metaphorically it would feel like drowning. I think he might be able to put it aside for a little bit for the sake of the party and having to teach them how to move around underwater and stuff, but I definitely think it would mess him up pretty bad. he would also be happy to see his sister though, she's an artificer, and is probably going to be the one to give them the stuff that allows them to breathe underwater, he cares about her a ton and vice versa. ironic for him to be a fish with a fear of the ocean

fun little details about him: - he has a sending stone flavored as a seashell, his shell phone we call it, he uses it to call his sister and thats the only contact it has, and its a cowrie shell (his sisters' is a conch) - He really idolizes his sister, she pretty much raised him, she's the reason he dyes his hair white and wears it in a ponytail - This fish is transgender 💪💪💪 so is his sister too - He can bioluminesce and its one of his stims is that he makes the lights flash up and down his forearms - his name is a fish pun based on the genus perciformes

We got to do a thing recently where he was like actually scared, because he has a lot of issues with bodily autonomy and so being mind controlled is one of his worst fears/triggers, and there was/is a very real potential for that to happen, and its one of the first times the party has ever seen him scared and I love describing the changes in his body language. Most of the time he presents himself very confidently for lack of better term, very open body language, but when hes scared that changes, he doesnt lean back as much, his tail flicks, he clutches at his forearms (especially since one was recently injured when he almost died) and leaves claw marks in his leather bracers, etc

I have more I might put in another reblog bc this is getting really long

traumatized with so many issues -> 🐟

#my ocs #oc: percival #Perci my beloved !!!!! goes wild about this fucker

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melpomene-writes · 9 months

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ok so this is shitty and very much the first thing ive ever written (and probably the last).so im sorry beforehand. and please keep in mind that eng is not my mother tongue💪and i didnt proof read. also can i be the 🦦anon if its not taken

it can be seen in the way how she excuses herself when you are in the same room for more then 10 minutes. or in the way how she doesnt hold the eye contact anymore. or how she always pairs you up with literally anyone else but her when you should collect samples from the planet surfaces or when you go out to check on the space crafts outer casing for any damage. because thats what you do, checking on the shuttle to see if anythings wrong. so a few days later when you gather enough courage to ask her whats wrong jihyo doesnt get buffled because thats what you do checking on machines and people. and the way she tries to assure you should be enough because she is looking right through your eyes but what catches your attention is the crumpled papers on the little foldable stall (because they take up so much space[no pun intended] and every mm is crucial if you live with 4 other people in a limited zone). so you know she is nervous because she always writes her thoughts and just scrumples it up if there is a word, even just one, that she doesnt likes. jihyo would probably prefer to drink till she cant remember whats niggling her but alcohol is prohibited in space and even if it wasnt she wouldnt want to be a bad example as the commander.

you try a few more times for her to open up but she doesnt budge untill a few days later. you are talking about the book you finished with momo. she is the lunar module pilot from japan. before the first day of the mission only hearing her name and the title of being the best LMP in japan (maybe even the whole endustry but lets not give her this to brag) made you withdraw a little but turns out she is a really good person to talk to while munching half dry space brownies. in fact she was kind enough to let you borrow her book. you are so engrossed in your conversation that you dont realize that jihyo is standing in fromt of the module that you’re speaking in.

“do you have a minute to talk?” this is the longest thing she said except the orders for the shuttle. you get up without saying anything, just turning back to nod to momo for curtesy.

walking to her own private room feels like its taking hours but infect it should ve less then 5 minutes because the space station that the shuttle situated in is not that big and every one stays close to eachother incase an emergency.

she sits to a chair and expects you to sit on her bed. this is better in a way because at least you have covers beneathe your hand to toy with. you know that look in her face and itll make you need something to fidget with.

“so…” there is a pause and you dont know where to look. “ i have been doing some thinking… and i think we should quit what we have. and before you say something please let me finish.” all you can think of is why arent you so suprised and also you wouldn say anything even if you want to…doesnt she know this? you always seize up when things like this adresses you. so all you do is continue looking out the portholes. it helps a little to be able to see a glimpse of another planet,S818 or something like that, tho very far away,familiar. jeongyeon explaned a few days before that it is so cold and you would be dead the second youve touched the atmosphere so no getting samples from there.

“it is just too much. the responsibility.the burden. its getting to me. i cant sleep. and i dont want to do this between all this. i dont want to think about you while i’m doing something for this mission. its not good for me. its not good for anyone. its not professional. and its making me feel so so bad.” you only now realise that she is standing. you cant formulate your words. you were never good ad speaking dor yourself and jihyo did it for you most of the time. she stops and waits for you to say something. but only thing speaks for you is the tear on your left cheek. a tear that makes you curse the gravity. stupid station. stupid gravity. stupid feelings. the only thing you manage to say is a quite “okay” while you’re wiping it. she turns her back slowly. you wonder if she is also looking at S818. you think it cant be colder than jihyos heart. the tought almost makes you smile untill you remember why you where sitting in this bed in the first place. the small bed that was big enough for jihyo and you ever since your spacecraft attached to this station. you rise slowly and say “ill be out of your way, commander.” with the best voice you can muster. you probably should say something to oppose what she’s saying “please dont say that!” or just a simple “No!”. after that you can continue to make her belive that she is making a wrong decision. you have never been happier. more willing to live. you love her. even though you havent said that to each other that much is evident the way you look at her, the way you brighten up when you see her. (even mina makes fun of your googly eyes though you try to convince her there is no such a thing but no avail.) but you dont dont say anything, you cant. all you can do is to walk away without looking back.

i loved it, tysm 🦦 anon <;3 angst will always be on top 💪

now pt.2 pls (jk, unless...)

#🦦 anon #asks

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magnoliamyrrh · 11 months

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Don't you have a psychotic father? Didn't you fear that acid might trigger psychosis in you too?

He did. Its unclear what has caused my fathers psychosis however. His mother holds that when he was young he overdosed on some medication and had a long series of epileptic-like seizures, and that this may be the source; doesnt seem too far fetched bc there have been cases of this happening, and of epileptic seizures causing religious-focused psychosis, and feelings of "heaven" and "hell." Noone else in that line of my family, or on any side of my familty, has had any kind of psychosis-inducing mental illness however, noone recently at least or noone that anyone knows of

I used to worry about it at the beggining, yes, every once in awhile I still do. I mean, before i even did psychadelics weed could have technically caused psychosis - ive met ppl in psych wards who had weed-induced psychosis who had no family history of it even; one girl who it hit after the first time she smoked, and didnt even smoke much. However, no matter how much and how frequently ive smoked, ive never come close to feeling like it was causing that - the most ive had is weed-induced paranoia and other shit, but nothing once I came down. To smoke weed was a risk in the first place, which i took, and so far its been years and nothing has hit me

When i first tried psychadelics, and acid was the first one, I knew it was a risk, one i took because I know I could handle high doses of weed without losing it, and because I was...... well. I was fucked up. anorexia bulimia suicidality a bunch of other shit, i wasnt far away from a second suicide attempt at all, and I couldnt rly see many ways out of the shitshow i was in - i figured if I didnt kill myself the anorexia or bulimia would kill me anyway...... and so, i decided to take the risk, that everything good ive heard might be worth it. And im very glad I did, bc theres a high chance id be...... either dead or much worse off today

By now ive tripped idk well over 50/60 times and have yet to feel like my brain has been pushed twoards psychosis. The most I can say is that, and this applies only to acid which I dont rly do anymore, when I did later on take probably too high doses and had rly bad trips,,,,, yea, in the middle of the bad trip i was afraid of that possibility (or more accurately afraid the trip would never end) - frankly, I think the fact that I had the strength to keep myself together and pull myself out of it got me through it; i dont know if someone else going through that experience without prior experience and the ability to try to keep it together would have had a psychotic break, idk, maybe so maybe not - maybe it wouldnt have been chemical but it would have been so traumatic that theyd have been lost in the sauce. Or maybe not........ the most i can say is that I learned my lesson w strong doses of acid, and that it did happen that I felt its effects for days or weeks after the trip - not psychosis or delusions - hard to explain, but its like the trip lingers; in good cases this is called psychadelic "afterglow," after bad or exhausting trips its not particularly pleasant

Sooo, idk. Yea, i guess it could happen, fuck it, it could happen with weed too. Its a risk I take. I don't smoke as commonly as I used to anyway, and I dont do psychadelics as often (tho frankly the times when I would do shrooms around once or twice a month were the most productive, stable, sane, happy periods of my life). I hope to God it wont, but it could, even being careful and respectful with it

....... overall though? psychadelics, and especially shrooms, have made me feel exponentially, exponentially more "sane" than I ever was before I took them..... and even particularly crazy trips managed to teach me, my brains a lot more put together and stronger than I thought it was

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your-hands--on-my-hips · 2 years

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one of these random rambling posts. i was scrolling and i saw a post about how she's a 10 but she's healing from things she didnt deserve. then i thought am i healing from things i didnt deserve or am i healing from things i did deserve. ive done bad shit to people, i dont mean physically but ive hurted a lot of people. broke their hearts, lied to them, use them for my own benefit and to make me feel good. and i'm not talking only to lovers or people ive been with, i am talking also about friends and people who were considering me and i did as well a close one. i think one of my coping mechanism that ive developed is hurting before they hurt you, cuz you know what they cant break you or use you if you do it first. its toxic, its bad, i know. im trying to go back in my memories, at least the ones i can reach and justify why i am the way i am. how is it possible to have had a wonderful childhood and in the same time the most traumatic experiences happening to you, which i wouldnt wish anyone would feel and see in their lives. i guess i am healing from things i didnt deserve or at least the ones that my inner child didnt deserve. i never use my trauma as an excuse for my bad behaviours. i used to, but ive realised that even then i knew what i was doing and it was purposefully, even tho provoked from trauma. idk i wanna heal, unlearn all of this, start living a peaceful and full life, but i find so much comfort in my sorrows, in my depression, in my toxic traits. there is a constant battle. every fucking day.

#my thougts

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bananaman-pdf · 2 years

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k im back. fourteen

okay so theyre doing it. escaping to go home with maven! bonding moment ahead, i can feel it.

oh wait cal is coming with them? aaaaand weve got ourselves an obligatory awkward moment where the protagonist catches one of the guys bare-chested™. sigh. well whatever. girls be thirsty ig. lets point out how hes got a bruise near his heart?? is he okay?? i suppose he is but ouch.

cal. cal, you adorable man. what are you so nervous about?

oh wait so maven asked cal to help mare go to her home. ohhhhh. that makes sense.

cal obviously thinks its a bad idea but mare takes no shit. she wants to go home. so cal agrees. i should mention how adorably funny mares excitement is. like a toddler lmao.

maven isnt coming :(

MARE HUGGED HIM AAAA

But just because he isn’t coming doesn’t mean I will forget what he’s done for me already.

mare your soul is beautiful.

shes feeling more comfortable with them!

…but this mightve been immediately regressed as soon as she saw the war armor. and also the books on war tactics- i wanna point out they are written in a language called “Common” of norta, the lakelanders and piedmont?? -but back to mare, shes clearly Not In Board with this. she sees the war as the lives of many reds being lost for the silvers benefit.

its also implied that cal was expecting to play chess with maven. im pretty sure its chess.

she catches a glance at scars on his back. he keeps them despite having access to healers to tend to them. this is interesting. since he is shown to be the type to see past his own glamorous life and privilege, im guessing he keeps them as a reminder of his peoples suffering. maybe hes trying to connect with the people he knows little to nothing about, and thats why he also sneaks out pretending to be red.

they leave, and cal leads her to a… basement storage room. im genuinely confused why are there weird metal shapes that move in here. mare is suddenly passive-aggressively complainig about his huge armor closet. i get that shes mad at how close hes to the whole war tactic planning but… its not like hes got much choice is it.

he responds honestly saying he doesnt want to wear armor when he bring her to her family as to not make them feel threatened i suppose?

“[…] We don’t want your family getting the wrong idea, do we?”

“What idea do we want them to get? I don’t think I’m exactly allowed to introduce you properly.

mares got a good point. honestly i just assumed they were gonna have a walk around the stilts and see her acquaintances and loved ones from afar. wouldnt going to her home and talking to her parent require a plan or an explanation that isnt “ive been betrothed to one of the princes because they found out i have powers. oh yeah, i have powers! neat huh? so as i was saying, ill have to pretend to be a princess for the rest of my life and this might be the last time i get to see you all.”

oh ok so theyll pretend they took mare in to work for the royals like at the beginning and cal will be her ride. oh yeah cal has a motorbike which is cool as shit. but also… if this werent a fantasy universe this would look hella cliché.

he built it- yeah ok that is pretty damn awesome.

mare hesitates at first but obviously gives in and puts the helmet on. she wants to go home, damnit.

she got so nervous she held onto him so hard he had to pry her off. and i mean, its her first time on a bike obviously shed be pretty scared.

also she missed his warmth as soon as she let go. makes sense that shed be at least a little touch starved. aw.

mare takes the chance to ask him, in her own way (making remarks about how often he does this and all), why he wants to hang out in red bars rather than his luxurious palace. he comments that hes going to be king one day and doesnt get to be selfish. mare points out the king should be the only one who does. and it mqkes sense cause thats how she sees it. the only way shes known how to live is stealing and risking her life. and shes seen the silvers get everything they need and want. it has frustrated her understandably.

cal finally answers. the king should know his people. yeah i called it. makes sense! he wants to empathize with them. hes doing what he can. hes trying to be a good leader. to see what the world is like instead of being told how it is by everyone else.

“[…] My father does everything he can to keep us safe, and so will I.”

“My world is already in ruin,” […] “Your father keeps your people safe, not mine.”

ouch. but true.

cal tells her that it would cost them they alliance to other kingdoms. that theyd be tron apart by them. which… makes sense. but mare believes its possible to make it better. that norta could be the start.

the conversation dies as they make it to her home. cal waits outside bc he noticed how nervous mare was, the sweetheart, but she tells him to join anyway. they go in she and wakes up his brothers bree and tramy first. mom and dad join in as they notice whats going on. everyone is happy to seer her. well. gisa only pokes her head out. and wheres shade??

they congratulate her on getting a job, and comment that the story for the brothers discharge and their full pension was a lottery they won.

Up above us, Gisa scoffs. […] “Yes, we’re very lucky,”

poor girl. shes lost her hand for all these things to happen. it feels more like a trade than actual luck to her. she gives mare the cold shoulder and asks about cal. which is a bit hurtful but… fair, from her point of view.

dad know hes not from around there. cal quickly makes up a story of how hes from harbor bay and changes his accent which i gotta admit, good quick thinking! he comments how the servants travel a lot, which prompts her mom to be horrified. mare remarks that its good money. i mean its definitely better than stealing, from their point of view mares doing an honest attempt at working.

bree is suspicious and makes a comment about liking kilorn better. lmao.

oh fuck. is shade dead???

“He tried to run away. He was executed. Beheaded.”

holy shit. dude. things are getting real.

mare is so angry shes making lightbulbs buzz. guess the act is about be up.

she makes a mess, cal cant get to her and everyone already knows. mare angry because they found out shade was in the scarlet guard. and yeah, thats more likely. before she looses herself completely, though, kilorn comes in. he snaps her out of it.

but obviously the bug secret is out. and at first kilorn think it was the silvers doing, but she tells him its just her. he acts like shes a complete stranger despite her family clearly stating that she is red. cmon dude, shes going through a lot and you decide to pull that?

“Give me a knife and I’ll settle this right now,” I say, glaring back at him. “I’ll show you what color I bleed.”

she clearly means it, dude, stop that.

she explains everything. leaving out mr jacos’ findings, bc cal is there. she points out she doesnt know if theyll ever understand how or why she is the way she is. and i mean yeah, its one hell of an exception. she breaks the “rules”.

cal pretends to be a bodyguard now, and tells her its time to go. her whole family thankfully agrees to keep the secret, but kilorns fucking mad for some reason.

mare and cal leave, and he tries to comfort her about shade, but shes so close to loosing it she stops him, saying she needs to make one last stop.

its to wills!! she goes there to tell him everything, but he already knows somehow??

oh, some dude named tristan, also from the guard told him. shit, wills got some acquaintances, doesnt he?

tristan nearly bolts when he learns one of the princes is outside. of course he would! killing or kidnapping a prince? holy shit! he calls her a silver for “protecting him” but mare points out that cals pretty damn good at defending himself using his fire.

she makes her reason for presence there clear: shades dead because of the guard and she wants to use her princess privilege to help the cause. nice, short and sweet. and absolutely perfect to kick in some plot.

she shakes hands with will and seals the deal. shes in deep now. and im a delighted by finally seeing what i came in for.

so yeah, she goes back with cal thinking abt how theyre enemies now. and how weird it is that theyre both so nice to her. him and maven. i also wonder why. they both grew up surrounded by people that hate reds. how are they so tolerant?

when theyre about to leave on the sick motorbike ohmygod kilorn shows up. he better be here to say sorry.

no, hes just here to be sad about mare leaving. i mean of course he is. they were besties. he wants her to stay. cal has to step in to intimidate him just slightly to let go. im glad he didnt have to do anything too harsh. and that he tried to keep his composure as best as possible.

“You bargained for me too, to save me from conscription,”

yeah! so understand shits not cheap!

and as they leave kilorn says hell tell farley she said hello. oh god hes gonna join the guard too.

#many things happen….#red queen first read #mare barrow #kilorn warren #prince maven #prince cal??#prince calore??#god why is he named after his father

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writingtomynanny · 2 years

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Good evening Nanny, today has been hard but also today has been the day ive cried the least, which i feel guilty about. I miss you so much i should be crying more today like the other days, maybe you had my back today more than i realised till now. I know you wouldnt want me to cry anyway, i need you to tell me its okay honey. I need to hear your voice again.

I was thinking tonight and its made me want to write this, you had so many more things to teach me, it hurts knowing i only got as many things as i did from you. The main things are all in the kitchen, Like putting lots of salt on broccoli, i just heard your voice say broccoli as i wrote that, thats comforting for me. You taught me how to make BOMB potato salad, the apple cider vinegar is a game changer, and the onion flakes. I wish i got to learn how to make your curried rice, that was so amazing. It wont ever be the same but i guess ill find some on the internet and try to get as close as i can. I miss more than ever helping you in the kitchen. Something that makes me so sad is picturing you just doing your thing in the kitchen, always getting steaming hot contaniers of steamed veggies out the microwave, stirring things on the stove then going back to butter the mash mashing it with the thick fork. i miss you reaching up for your spices, yelling out "Guys, teas ready" then always apologising if its not cooked right. Its always cooked right nanny, even if my schnitzel was burnt on one side once, i still told you its amazing and thanked you, because it was. Everything you made was amazing, made with so much love and efforts. I loved helping you in the kitchen. It was painful to watch you take so long on peeling the veggies, i always stepped in to help you even if you said you were fine hehe. Sorry nanny, i was obsessed with spending time with you. I wish i got to have that pumpkin soup you made, it was so so beautiful. I remember you said it was out of a woolies book, ill have to go looking and try make it myself, again wont be the same without your love and efforts making it.

I bought shoes today for the funeral, this is going to hurt so much. I dont see myself being able to hold back anything, you deserved so much more nan. I would truely give you 10 years off my life if i could darling. You deserved more time and we need you. Im going to be miserable for a long time, my heart hurts knowing you felt more hurt losing kim, i cant comprehend you feeling worse than this and its selfish for me to think this is on the same level, because it just cant be. You are so so strong nanny, i swear ive never met anyone as strong as you and my heart constantly hurts knowing the reason you were strong, you had to be for the boys even though you lost your entire world. I would give you the world if i could nan, no one deserves the world more than you.

I seen cody for the first time since today nanny, hes being strong for you. I know it will be hard if history repeats itself and im going to try my hardest to be more understanding, but i dont think i can do this on my own. You always had my back, just quickly the 891 sound just went as its just gone 12am. Reminds me of you every time. You were the one who would help me through this. Everyone else thought i was the devil but you were the only one who knew how hard it is to see and be in the presence of that, i hope hes strong this time around nanny. I cant be helping him alone.

I seen your handbag with your purse in it, i always imagine you reaching for your purse to get me your bank card for cigarettes or food shopping. Im picturing it right now, fuck nan you just dont deserve this im so sorry. You should be here, sitting on the couch with a coffee in hand, crimson next to you, fast forwarding a bit too far on the recorded tv shows your catching up on. You should be at home with us. It cant be nearly a week since you left, it just cant be. Im in denial sometimes, i just dont see it as the end. I see you here with us again and i dont know how or why i have these feelings i just do. There has to be a way your here with us. Before i fall asleep i ask you to come see me in my dreams. Its only happened once so far and it sadly wasnt seeing you, you were just in the room and Firmino was visiting you in hospital. It was a mini dream when i was asleep in the RAH carpark the day after while taking dad up there. Anyway nanny, ive been yapping for a while now so i should let you go and get some rest myself. Im getting Amanda to do my hair tomorrow so i dont have any grey hairs at the funeral. Im going to look so beautiful for you nanny, but i always look beautiful dont i, i told you i will forever believe it even if i dont feel it, because of you.

I love you so much Nan, you are gorgeous and i miss your light up the room smile.

YWNA <3

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flame-cat · 3 years

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ok one person liked the post so here is

Raz' Mind

the inside of what looks like a massive oversized aquato dome, piled high with bags of all kinds. the floor is damp and the height of the ceiling makes you feel like an ant. hectic and cluttered.

the first time you see raz is immediately, running around sorting bags to go to certain places in his mind. upon reading the labels, they belong to various people raz cares about- lili, the interns, his family, the psychonauts. there are none belonging to raz himself that he carries. when you find one that has his name on it, he quickly throws it against an ever-growing pile stuck against a wall. the pile looks like its barely holding back a cracked brick wall that is leaking water. when asked about it, raz says he will "get to it later." you can see why- the stack he carries is at least three times as tall as him, and five times as heavy by the way he struggles with it.

if you offer to help, he'll say "really? you dont have to, ive got it handled." if you insist, he'll be extremely grateful, showing you a small pile you can start on. its not as hard as it looks, especially with multiple people. there are many shortcuts you can take as you flit around out of the tent into other areas- layouts of all of the places raz has been. its all surface-level and nothing seems wrong. the only caveat is the lack of other people.

the "raz" pile shudders ominously.

once you go through a pile, raz will thank you and give you an item- the item varies based on how many piles youve gone through. each time you sort through a pile, you need to go back to raz and ask to help again. each time he will thank you profusely, still leaving most of the work for himself. however, once a pile is sorted, another will quickly take its place; a never-ending litany of responsibilities and distractions that raz has to deal with all by himself. there is no end in sight. when asked, raz will say hed rather do this than... and trail off as he glances at his own pile.

if you try to go through the pile labelled as his, he'll quickly stop you, shouting that he can take care of that himself later. if you insist, he will be extremely nervous but say you can if you really want to- before youre suddenly accosted by enemies! hes been holding the censors, doubts, regrets, bad moods, panic attacks, and judgements back so they won't attack you, but this stressor has finally let them all out.

once you clear them out, a leak will spring in the pile. then another, and another. the tent is flooding, and raz is desperately trying to plug the holes. at this point he will finally try getting you to leave, because you "dont need to deal with this." the only sure way to move forward is to take one of the bags in the pile and open it. once opened, youre transferred inside, and you get to see whats really going on in here.

Bag #1: the Beginning

the first bag is the memory of when raz decided to run away. you enter in complete darkness, the only light coming from underneath the tent flap in front of you. you hear muffled arguing. if you go out, you see raz and his dad arguing, mr. aquato holding up a flyer. you hear the argument play out, finishing when Augustus rips apart the flyer, saying "youre no son of mine." raz looks stricken and then runs off into a tent, presumably his own.

if you follow him, you see the inside of his tent. raz quietly tells you how much that rejection hurt him, how he tried to just forget about it and move forward. he shifts aside the entrance flap of the tent and shows you a slideshow of himself alone on the road, desperately searching for the camp and eventually making his way inside.

"i made great new friends. i saved the world. i proved him wrong. he even said he was proud of me. so... why do i still...?"

he closes the entrance, and plunged into darkness, you emerge from the bag.

Bag #2: Pressure

the second bag is more of a rapid-fire collection of scenes. it begins in the rebraining room with ford. hes telling raz hes the only one who can do this. raz looks conflicted for a moment before nodding.

the scene shifts, and now we're outside of the asylum with lili. the building begins shuddering and falling apart. a giant piece falls, rushing forwards to crush the preteens-

raz falls through the darkness into the meat circus. his dad is there, much larger, and the room is flooding. if you go up the ladder, a massive chopping knife almost cleaves you in half, wielded by ollie's massive monster dad. he swings downwards again, the knife obscures your vision-

raz opens his eyes in loboto's laboratory in the rhombus of ruin. the water is climbing, hes still strapped down, and no one else is able to help. the camera zooms out, out, out. hes alone in here. the camera goes up, and you emerge from the water...

now youre in trumans grotto. truman is telling raz that he cant tell anyone about maligula. the scenes only alteration are the puppet strings truman holds tied to raz. the boy nods. the camera turns, going behind truman, and he turns into...

ford cruller, this time at green needle gulch. once more telling raz he's the only one who can help him.

raz turns and sees the deluge. he runs into the forest, narrowly dodging water and heavy objects. raz's voice cuts through the cacophany:

"i know it doesnt matter now, but..."

a hand reaches towards him from a cyclone, yanks him in, hes drowning, hes...

the scene fades to black. raz's voice, again, hesitant and small:

"... i was really scared."

and out of the bag you go.

Bag #3: Judgement

the third bag is small and short. raz is sitting alone in a void, curled up, knees tucked close to his body. he looks very small. in the background are voices, all things hes heard before.

"... only problem was YOU..."

"... wouldnt have FOUND you..."

"... betrayed the family..."

if approached, raz says this:

"i have to be better."

and out you go.

#psychonauts 2 #razputin aquato #in the life #pheo drabbles

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