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peachesofteal · 5 months

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Light on - single mom/neighbor fic - reader POV - 18+ MDNI Simon Riley/female reader

“Ye dinnae have tae worry.”

Johnny, Simon’s friend, or coworker, you guess, croons to the two of you, happy faced Emma bobbing in his arms. She’s perfectly content with him, her affinity for big strong men clearly grown since knowing Simon, when she took to him like a duck to water.

Still. You’ve never left your baby in the care of a stranger.

Simon, somehow, senses the hesitance. Sees the tepid enthusiasm, a big palm settling at the middle of your back, mouth leaning close to hover above your ear. “If you’re not sure, we can stay in.”

“No!” You settle as quickly as you can after the blurted admission, embarrassment simmering away in your gut. “No, sorry. I trust you... I trust your judgement.” You motion to Johnny, who’s watching you with a serious expression. “I’m sure it will be fine, it’s just-“

“You’ve only ever left her with me.” He finishes for you, and you look up at him, relieved to find soft brown eyes crinkling with understanding, sweetness. The tender affection you’ve come to know so dearly.

“Just that one time and- and she’s so little.” At the same time, she yawns, little chest rising and falling with a big exhale, tiny lids begrudgingly drooping shut. She’s just going to be sleeping anyway. Just go.

Another voice whispers in the back of your mind. One you haven’t heard for quite some time, urging you forward from beyond the light.

Be brave.

Dinner is great. Better than great, even. It’s… wonderful. Perfect. The restaurant is decked out for the holiday, and there are lights of every color strung from the rafters, soft music wafting and weaving through the throng of diners, low light accompanied with candles dotting each table. The food is delicious, aromatic and rich, and both you and Simon eat until you’re complaining of feeling too full, one last glass of wine settling into your veins with a giddy effervescent that makes you giggle just a little bit too much.

“We’re not due back for another hour.” He muses, after the check’s paid and you’re both lingering by the door, his warm hand squeezing yours. “Want to walk?” He motions to the green space across the block, the one that’s got a big tree glowing in the middle, flanked with a residential street all lit up, more lights and decorations shining into the night.

“These houses are pretty.” You murmur, cheek smushed against his bicep, arm wrapped around his like you’re a koala, and he’s your tree. Your shelter.

“You like ‘em?” You take a left, peeling off into the park, steps naturally in stride, and he adjusts, pulling his arm free to wrap it around your shoulder, heart warming in your chest when you feel his lips come down across your head overtop your hat, the touch alone enough to make you feel toasty all the way through your boots.

“Yeah. Always wanted Emma to have a yard, y’know?” You sigh. It’s not out of reach, so much, but everything was easier with two incomes, and before it was just you and her, you felt like the dream was nearly attainable. Nearly there. “One day.” You slow to a stop in front of a tree, it’s long trunk stretching towards the sky, barren branches wrapped in string lights, and turn expectantly, face tilted. Kiss me, you hope your expression tells him. Make me yours.

His mouth covers yours, fiercely, lips parting to work tongues and teeth together, fingers scrabbling across clothing, seeking, touching. You trace along the hem of his shirt, up under his jacket, his skin shivering beneath your touch, muscles tensing, shaking in the night. Your palm splays flat against his ribs, his abs, and you hum into his mouth, thighs pressing together at the feeling of him reacting to your touch. He’s been such a gentleman. So perfect, with you in his bed. He looked away, every time you tried to prance into the room in a too small pair of sleep shorts. He averted his eyes, when you rolled over without a bra on, breasts loose in your sleep t shirt. Even cuddling, waking up together, going to sleep... he was respectful. You wish he was just a little more willing… to be bad.

You tried not to think about the alternative. The idea that he’s seen your stretch marks, and stomach, enough to make you feel a little sick. You’ve been strategic about it, big shirts, hips covered, but what if…

You bury the thoughts. The dread and spiral that feels like circling the drain. The wine makes you feel bold, it makes you feel desperate to know. Does he want this?

“Simon.” You gasp, hardly separating yourself to speak. Instead, you feed your words to him, hoping they’ll sink through, hoping they’ll make sense. “I need- I want you to touch me.” He pulls away, hand cradling your cheek, leveling you with a serious look.

“We don’t have to rush this, sweetheart, I-“

“I’m not rushing.” More tongue. He tastes like the whiskey from dinner, and the tannins of your wine. Like the bread and the oil, rich silky texture, earth and salt exploding in your senses. “I’m ready.” You find his hand, pulling it from your cheek, dipping low to crawl up under the bottom of your sweater, until his knuckles are brushing against the skin of your diaphragm. There’s a sharp intake of breath and then-

His hand folds over the curve of your breast, thumb slipping inside the fabric of your bra, stroking across your nipple. When he feels it, firm against his touch, he groans, pressing closer, his body crowding yours against the tree. The width of his frame shields you, and he drifts low to your skirt, teasing his touch across your lower belly, fingers dipping into the waistband.

“You think you’re ready for me?” He hums in your ear, teeth grazing against the shell. You shudder, soft whine slipping free, and he shifts, hard cock swollen in his jeans, now pressing between your legs, making you throb for him beneath tartan and cotton. “Are you sure, sweetheart?” He slides his hand down, searching beneath your skirt, grazing along the outside of your panties. You close your eyes when his finger slips inside, stroking through where you know you’re ready, where you’re so wet, clit pulsing with desperation for him. He circles your entrance, dipping inside you and then out, stroking over your swollen bud, making you jolt and whimper in his hold. “Fuck.” He breathes.

“Yeah, I’m-“

“You’re soaked for me.” He kisses you, long and deep and furious, still working his finger gently back and forth. “This pussy been wet all night, honey?” Your eyes nearly roll back into your fucking skull, words failing on your tongue.

“Simon… I- yeah.”

“Want me to take you home, take care of you?” He presses deeper, heel of his hand making contact with your clit, thick finger sinking into you, moan swallowed by his mouth. “Think you can be quiet enough so you don’t wake the baby?” He thrusts, pressure grinding upwards, your walls clenching desperately. You nod frantically, but he doesn’t stop, keeps fucking up into you with his finger, bringing you dangerously close to the edge quicker than you ever thought possible.

“Fuck, I-“

“Shhh.” He hushes, mouth wide on your cheek before slotting his lips against yours and pulling free, finger falling away from your body. You watch with wide eyes as he brings it to his lips, slipping it inside to taste you, lashes fluttering like he’s dining on some sort of decadence. “I’ll give what you need sweetheart.” His forehead touches yours. “I’ll give you everything. I promise.” He swears, and something glints in his eyes, something serious, nearly predatory, severe and dedicated, so intense that it makes you shiver.

“Okay.”

#peaches writes #simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #light on

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jenosbigtoe · 3 months

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mdni. nsfw 18+

pairing: husband!na jaemin x pregnant housewife!reader

warnings: marriage au, pregnancy, he calls you mama and you call him daddy, cunnilingus, creampie, unprotected sex

for you and the dry jaemin smut tag @nominsgirl 🙈🙈 i think i went a little crazy this was not supposed to be nearly this long

“hi mama.” you’re making dinner when jaemin comes up behind you, whispering lowly in your ear, to give you a tight backhug and rub the underside of your tummy. he’s shirtless and you can feel his bare chest pressed against your back.

you squeal with delight and turn to jump in his arms, he scoops you and your 6 month pregnant body up with ease. “jaeminn!! i didn’t hear you come home. me and baby missed you so much.” you cling to his arms and wrap your legs round his waist as you lean in to kiss him deeply.

you just can’t get enough of him anymore. him finally coming home from work is your favorite part of the day. ever since you’ve gotten pregnant, you want to be around him at all times, following him around like his own shadow when he’s home and texting him all day when he’s not. you try to limit yourself to three texts a day begging him to come home and cuddle with you and baby and sometimes you even cry because you just miss him so much (it’s been 3 hours). you don’t even think you were this clingy with him when you were newlyweds.

and jaemin absolutely loves it. he was always the more clingy one in your relationship, always whining for your attention whenever he felt you weren’t giving him enough. and now he loves seeing the roles reversed, seeing you cling to him like a little koala. he loves seeing you waddle around the house with your growing belly, following him around like a puppy so he will give you cuddles and kissies. he loves seeing your belly swell with his baby, how your body is changing all because of him. when he cuddles you, you always curl yourself into his chest as he rubs your soft belly affectionately.

you’re still kissing him when he tries to put you back down, to which you protest by hitting his chest and stomping your feet. “jaeeemmmiiinnn… why are you putting me back down? i missed you so much today,” you jut your lower lip out in a deep pout and furrow your eyebrows. you try to pull him back down to kiss you but he leans away. he thinks you look too cute when you pout and stomp your foot like that.

“mama, trust me when i say i missed you and baby too. but aren’t you making dinner right now? the pot looks like it’s about to boil over.”

you quickly turn back around and look at the pot bubbling on the stove. “oh shit!” you ran back to turn the heat down and stir the pot before the food burnt but it was too late. the sauce at the bottom was turning black.

you begin to cry, tears immediately rolling down your face. “i burned our food,” you blubbered. “i was trying to be a good wife and make you a hot meal but i burned our meal because i was stupid.”

jaemin panics and runs over to you to scoop you back in his arms. “shhh no baby don’t say that. it was just a mistake, you didn’t mean to.” he tries to wipe your tears affectionately but nothing he does stops your sobbing.

“n-no. you have been w-working all day and you deserve a hot meal when you get home. i’m a such bad wife and i’m g-gonna be a bad mom,” you sob into his chest.

he starts to rub circles on your back and kisses your head lovingly. “don’t cry, mama. it was just a mistake. you didn’t mean to. i don’t want to ever hear that you’re a bad wife because i love you too much for you to be saying that. and never say you’re gonna be a bad mother because any child,” he pulls away to look you in the eyes as he says this, “would be lucky to have you as their mommy. and i know you will be such a good mommy to all of our future babies, including this one.” he takes both his and your hands and places them on top of your belly.

you sniffle. “really?”

he presses a sweet kiss to your lips, tasting the salt from your tears. “yes, mama. let’s just order your favorite takeout and call it in for the night, kay?”

you perk up and wrap your arms around his neck to give him a big hug. “yayyy!! thank you, jaem. best husband and father to be ever.”

he gives you another kiss and rubs your belly affectionately. “mmm how about i show mama how much i really love her, hm?” his hands wander from your belly and start groping at your soft thighs. you moan into the kiss and run your fingers through his hair to pull him closer to you, feeling his bulge harden in his sweatpants on your ass.

you pull away. “bedroom. now.” you say breathlessly.

he smirks. “whatever you say, mama.”

he carries you to the bedroom and lays you gently on the mattress before crawling on top of you to cup your face and kiss you more. he starts removing your clothes, piece by piece, only breaking from your lips for a brief second before going back for more. you’re finally laid bare beneath him in all your glory, pregnant tummy proudly brushing against his bare skin when he pulls away to admire your body.

his pupils are blown with lust and desire as he rakes over your form. he can’t get enough of your pregnant body. “fuck, mama. you look so sexy just like this, all bare and ready for me. and i love seeing your precious tummy all swollen with our baby.” he uses one hand to stroke his hardening cock.

you rub your legs together, feeling your core wetten at his words. “please touch me, daddy.”

he leans down to give your tummy a little peck. “i love you and your mama so much, baby.”

he crawls down to face your dripping cunt and uses his tongue to lick a stripe from bottom to top, collecting your juices and mixing them with his spit. your hips jerk from the sudden contact and you reach down to grab his hair as he gives your sensitive cunt little kitten licks. ever since you became pregnant, you’ve just become so sensitive and the slightest touch makes you a moaning, whining mess. and he thinks you taste so good, almost sweeter once you became pregnant.

he uses his tongue to tease your hole, letting your juices drip on his tongue, before licking up to your clit and using his tongue to flick your swollen nub. pleasure builds up in your core as you moan and whine out from above. he spits on your dripping cunt, letting his saliva drip down from your clit, before using his mouth to suck and lick on your clit like he’s making out with your pussy.

“a-ah! daddy don’t stop,” you gasp, using your grip on his hair to push him deeper into your cunt.

he’s still sucking and licking at your clit when your hole spasms uncontrollably and sends waves of pleasure from your core. you moan and buck your hips against his face through your orgasm as he continues his ministrations on your sopping wet cunt.

when he looks back up at you after your orgasm, his lips and chin are glistening with his spit and your arousal. he gives you a cheeky grin, “how was that, mama? do you know how much daddy loves you now?”

he crawls back on top of you and strokes his hard cock as he gives you another sweet kiss, letting you taste yourself. he rubs his cock between your wet folds, gathering your juice. you could feel just how hard he was for you. he slaps his shaft on your sensitive clit before going back to rubbing his cock between your folds, causing you to gasp and moan against his kiss.

“d-daddy,” you whine against his lips. “stop teasing me.”

he grins. “teasing you like this?” he puts the fat tip of his cock into your dripping hole before pulling back out and rubbing the shaft between your folds.

you slap his chest. “do you really want to get this horny and hormonal pregnant woman pissed, na jaemin?”

he hums. “okay, mama.”

he pulls his cock away only to suddenly enter your dripping hole with ease. you feel his cock completely bottom out in your wet cunt, his balls pressed against your ass. he always filled you up so good, making you feel full like you’ve never been before.

“s-shit,” you moaned breathlessly, rocking your hips lightly against his.

your pussy already so wet, he slides in and out effortlessly, using your juices to thrust his cock into your cunt fast and deep. you can feel his cock fill you completely with every thrust, like his tip is trying to kiss your insides.

“f-fuck, mama,” he groans from above you. in one hand, he interlocks his fingers with yours and he rests his hand on your belly with the other. “feel s-so good. so good for daddy.”

your pussy drips and creams around his cock, forming a white ring around the base. lewd sounds of wet skin slapping against skin fills the room, mixing with your whiny moans and his breathless pants. you clench around his fat cock with every relentless thrust as you let the pleasure take over your body and blank your mind.

“a-ah keep going! m so close, daddy,” you whine into his chest.

he takes this as a sign to go even faster, his cock slamming hard into your poor little cunt and sending shock waves through your body. he takes his hand from your belly and uses it to rub your clit furiously while continuing his merciless thrusts into your cunt. when he bottoms out, your hole starts spasming around his hot cock and your orgasm rips through your body, leaving you shaking beneath him.

he continues to pound his cock through your orgasm, your hole just clenching impossibly tight around him. “yes, so good for daddy,” he coos in your ear.

his balls start to tighten and his thrusts become erratic. through your post-orgasmic bliss, you can feel his cock twitch hard inside of you before his hips stutter and he sheaths himself completely inside. he’s bottomed out, filling you so full as he shoots his fat load inside your used cunt. he groans and rests his head on your shoulder, panting breathlessly and filling you up so much it starts to leak from around his cock and drip from your pussy. he leans down to give you one last sweet kiss on the lips.

“pretty mama, so good for daddy.”

#nct dream smut #nct smut #nct dream x reader #nct dream #nct x reader #jaemin #na jaemin x reader #na jaemin smut #na jaemin #jaemin x reader #jaemin smut

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tahdashi · 2 years

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WHEN HIS BABY GETS JEALOUS. . .

✫ ft. akaashi, atsumu, iwaizumi, and suna x mom!reader

✫ a/n: the kids are ages 1-3 (can stand, walk, talk in sentences). the babies aren’t really “jealous” in some of these. they just want some love and affection, too !!!

✫ warnings: usage of “mom” and “mama” to refer to reader

✫ AKAASHI leans into your touch after coming home from the office, his tie loosened and his hair a bit messier than usual. you two are splayed on the couch, his head resting peacefully on your chest as he updates you on bokuto’s recent msby game. and just minutes later, you feel your son pull on your leg. an eruption of babbles leave his lips as he whines and tugs. “mmm, it’s my turn with mom,” keiji whines into your collarbones. you can't help but laugh at your husband's child-like behavior. "keiji, get off, you're gonna make him upset." and as keiji nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, your baby breaks out into a sob, "mama! mama!" filling the small living room. keiji gets up from his place on your chest and picks your son up, mumbling "i'm sorry, bud" into his equally messy hair. "mama's all yours," he kisses the top of his head and allows him to crawl happily into your arms. "you're as whiny as your mo-" "keiji." he can't even be upset at his limited time with you — the image of you holding his entire world makes up for it.

✫ ATSUMU lingers in the kitchen after tucking your daughter in to bed just about every night. he puts dishes in the cabinets, wipes down the counter, and traps you between his arms for a moment of intimacy. "mind if i kiss ya, babe?" he asks, knowing you'll let him anyway. "you'll do it no matter what i say," you turn your head to the side, creating distance between his lips and yours. "no! i'm a gentleman! that's why ya married me, isn't it?" a laugh leaves your lips and you're stepping up onto your toes to reach his. his hands wrap around your waist, pulling you close against himself. it's been hard to find time for yourselves — your daughter was at the age where she'd walk (stumble, really) away if you took your eyes off of her for even a second. and as you pull away from the kiss, breathless and all, you hear the pitter patter of her tiny feet approaching you two. "baby, why are ya awake? can't sleep?" atsumu bends down to her level, pushing her hair back from her eyes. she rubs at them and then wraps her tiny arms around his neck to kiss his cheeks. "i want a g'night kiss too!" she whines. "alrighty, baby, ya can get as many as ya want! make sure ya give mama a kiss too," he tells her before peppering her cheeks with loving kisses.

✫ IWAIZUMI used to wake up early every morning, getting ready for the day at a slow and relaxing pace, but he finds it harder and harder to do so when you cling onto him, asking for five more minutes of peace, five minutes of calmness before the storm (the storm being your daughter, of course). she's gotten clingier with every step she could take. she wakes up with the sun and makes her way to your bed, struggling to climb up with her tiny legs. the sight of her dad's arm around your waist brings a pout to her lips, her cheeks puffing out as she whispers a "daddy?" and of course, he's awake (he's been awake for the past 15 minutes). "wanna come up?" he asks her before unwrapping his arms from your body and lifting her onto his broad chest. she immediately crawls over him, kicking his face with her feet in the process, to place herself between you two. her little arms and legs wrap around your torso like a koala, and she looks up at you with a toothy smile. "my turn,” she says, nuzzling her head into you. you hear iwa mumble under his breath (something about waking the team up with kicks to the face).

✫ SUNA always searches for you and the twins in the crowd. his team had just won a game that he's been training especially hard for, and it's the first time in a while that you've seen his dimply smile on his face. he runs up to you and the twins with nothing but joy in his eyes. grabbing ahold of your waist, he presses a kiss to your lips — his teeth clash against yours and he's laughing into the kiss out of sheer happiness, but you don't mind it one bit. your sons pull at your clothes as they try to get your attention. suna catches a glimpse of their raised arms and pulls away from you to lift his boys into his own arms, one on each side of his body. they're cheering for their dad, clapping and yelling, “you did it!" suna's never been an affectionate guy, opting to show his love in more subtle ways, but he feels the urge to pull you and the boys in for a tight hug (one where you can feel the rapid beating in his chest). he kisses the top of your head before pressing one on each of the twins' cheeks. "let's go celebrate, yeah?" suna grins. he’d do anything to hold you three like that again after each win — his prized possessions in his arms.

reblogs are appreciated, as always!

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kneelingshadowsalome · 4 months

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eating König x high school sweetheart up like a buffet tbh [Gordon Ramsey voice] finally some good fucking food 🤌🔥

What if König and Sweetheart had an oops baby? Sweetheart is estatic because it’s the best of both of them and König would be the best dad! You’ve overcome your pasts to build a sweet little future together!!

He agrees that he would be the best dad (to anyone else’s baby, not hers 😤) but is panicking because his plans to leave her in the dust have been effectively put on hold for 18 years. She didn’t baby trap him, he obvs baby-trapped her!! He’s goes into Turbo Cope Mode and convinces himself that no one will want her as a single mom, and that no one is more qualified to raise HIS baby than HIM. He’ll play happy family for now (⬅️ will play happy family forever).

I just imagine him breeding her like crazy ("out of revenge") until there's 5 carbon copies of him and her running around and calling him 'daddy' and her, 'mommy' :) It stopped being an "oops" at the third one but he simply can't stop himself!

He wasn't sure what his plan was but it def wasn't this: her being like a ray of sun when he comes back home, kids running around everywhere and practically climbing him like koalas, asking if he has anything for them, the oldest even snatches his knife out of it's sheath when he's preoccupied with grabbing this crawling little thing on the floor before it bonks its head.

"The babysitter cancelled at the last minute," she breaths a smile and a kiss on his lips while the 3 months old baby König is staring at them wide-mouthed. "Perhaps it's a good thing, otherwise you'd have too much time in your hands to knock me up again..."

#the tug of war between “our babies are even cuter than I ever imagined” and “this is just for show” is a whole other war for könig #also can you imagine his pride for being such a bull??#of course he takes the full credit for getting her pregnant over and over again #he can't leave her because he'd be even worse than his father if he did #it's because of this not because he loves her or anything like that >:(#also how funny it would be if the knife stealer was his firstborn son #he's looking into his own gremlin eyes everytime he sees this 5 yr old “König”#tw kids

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hannibals-favourite-meal · 5 months

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.⋆｡A Big Night In｡⋆.

Dick Grayson x plus size reader

The one where Dickie and Dove finally have a night to themselves

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, fluff, mom!reader, embarrassment, sort of breeding kink?

WC: 1.8k

Minors DNI

The Graysons

Library- @hannibals-favourite-meal-library

“Now, if she gets fussy, she really likes the koala with the missing ear. She literally can’t sleep without it.” Dick was panicking, that much was plain to see and Bruce couldn't help but smile. It was moments like this, where his boy was filled with anxiety about something so normal as leaving his 6 month old baby with her grandparents overnight, that made his heart ache in the best way.

“Chum, I know how to take care of Alice, I think the 20 page binder you gave each of us on her needs helps.” He glared at his father, arms tightening around his baby as she sat on his narrow hips, happily playing with the buttons on his shirt.

“Oh leave him alone.” His mother scolded, giving her husband a light slap on his arm. “Don't pretend you weren't even more upset when you had to leave Dick alone for the first time. I seem to remember you calling me every ten minutes to get updates on how he was doing.” A light pink flush spread across Bruce's cheeks at the memory.

Grumbling, his eyes dropped to the floor like a petulant child. “It wasn't every ten minutes.” Dick shot his mother a grateful smile before turning his attention to Alice who didn't seem to share her father's level of anxiety.

It was a big day, her first sleepover without her parents. It would have happened sooner, in fact the first attempt had been when she was three months old. You and Dick needed some 'alone time' and your in-laws had been more than happy to extend their babysitting services. But an hour before they would come to pick her up, you and Dick had a breakdown and cancelled, instead spending the night curled up together in bed, Alice between you.

But, you couldn't put it off any longer. Alice needed to be socialised with other people and you needed to get laid.

So after a tearful goodbye, Dick drove her to Gotham, insisting on a little daddy-daughter bonding time before she was handed over to her grandparents.

“She likes thunderstorm sounds when she goes to sleep. And if she's still fussy, there's some frozen milk in the cooler bag.” Said bag was handed over to the awaiting hands of her grandfather, along with a Wonder Woman themed duffle-bag that held everything else she could possibly need.

“Ba.” Alice spat out, chubby arm pointing to her grandmother. Dick knew he had to get this over with, like pulling off a bandaid.

He pressed a long kiss to the patch of dark hair on the top of her head, inhaling that baby smell she hadn't yet grown out of. “You’ll be good for nana and pops won't you?” She cooed, eyes still locked on the older woman. He sighed, pecking her soft skin a couple more times before she slipped from his arms and placed safely in his mother's.

“Everything will be fine, I promise baby bird. You two have fun tonight.” Dick was quickly shooed out of the manor but not without a vague threat to Bruce to keep her safe, which he brushed off with his usual nonchalance.

By the time he had returned to his apartment in Blüdhaven, his mood had improved, especially with the text he received from you telling him to come straight to the bedroom when he got home.

“Dove?” He called into the darkened apartment, slipping off his shoes as he stumbled forward. A trail of clothes, haphazardly thrown on the hardwood guided him forward. There was a dim glow coming from the room just off of the kitchen, the smell of vanilla like a siren's call.

“Come on Dickie, we have a lot to make up for and not a lot of time to do it.” Your voice called out to him.

Dick groaned and palmed his already throbbing cock- it had been a long time, too long. “You're playing a dangerous game, Dove.” His voice thick with arousal as he called back to you.

His own clothes quickly joined yours, leaving him in just his boxers as he stepped into the bedroom where all the air was knocked from his lungs.

Your perfect, soft, naked body was completely on display for him as you lounged on the bed.

Your skin glowed in the soft orange light of the room and for a moment, Dick thought that there was no way you were real and that you were his.

“Holy fuck.” He watched with wide eyes as your legs fell open, revealing paradise to him, your fingers already tracing over your clit. “Leave it!” He suddenly shouted, now furiously tugging at his boxers. “That's all mine baby!”

Your giggles quickly turned into moans as your husband's strong body forced you further into the mattress and his lips met yours in a truly desperate kiss. Your nails dug into his muscular back making his hips buck into yours.

“Well, what are you gonna do about it daddy?” You cooed into his mouth, your left hand travelling down his front deliberately slow.

He caught your hand before you could reach his cock and with a dangerous gleam in his eye, he responded. “How about baby number 2?”

The cold metal of his wedding ring against your heated thigh sent a shiver up your spine, making his smirk grow as your nipples pebbled beneath his gaze. His fingers inched towards your centre, quickly gathering the arousal that had smeared onto your skin.

“God, you get even sexier by the day.” You gasped as he finally touched where you needed him the most, both easing and adding more fuel to your lust. His own patience was quickly wearing thin so your husband wasted no time in sliding two thick fingers inside you.

“Dick!” You threw your head back with a moan of his name.

“That's it, that's my pretty dove.” With his other hand planted by your head, Dick watched his fingers pump in and out of you, his skin now shinny with your wetness. “You're so fucking wet dove, must be aching for me.”

Your only response was to tighten around his fingers, your orgasm dangerously close. “Please please.” You begged.

“Do you want to cum on my fingers or my cock?” Dick breathed into your ear but the way that he was pressed so tightly against you, you could feel his thick cock throbbing against your thigh, the decision was already made for you.

“Want you inside, wanna feel your cock again.” His body sagged against you as he groaned from deep in his chest.

“Fuck, you can't say stuff like that- gonna make me cum before we even get to the good part.”

“Then you better fuck me already Grayson.” But the bite of your words was softened by the moan he forced from you as he ripped his fingers from your aching cunt and replaced them with the fat head of his cock.

“If you insist.” The first thrust was always deliciously painful as he stretched you out, making you feel every inch of his perfect length until he was nestled against your cervix and his balls pressed tightly to your ass.

Your groans mingled together in a beautiful lewd symphony, filling the bedroom like music. “So fucking tight.” Dick moaned through clenched teeth. “Need to fuck you more.”

“Yes.” You hissed both in response to your husband and because at that moment, his hips twitched causing his cock to brush against that sensitive bundle of nerves inside you.

“My poor girl, been neglecting my perfect wife. Gonna make it up to you, make you sit on my face till you beg me to stop.” His first thrusts were tentative, almost shy just like the first time you fell into bed with him but as you began to relax beneath him, he switched it up.

He knocked the moans from your lungs as he jackhammered into you, his own desperate need for release blinding him to everything else. “Never gonna let you feel empty again, I'll make sure you're always full of me one way or another.”

You sobbed with a particularly brutal thrust to your cervix and you dragged your nails down his back, leaving bright red marks. “Yes!” You cried.

“Fuck, your pussy is so fucking warm and tight, need to cum.”

“Inside, need it inside.” Your ankles locked around his hips. Your stomach began to pull tight just as Dick's thrusts began to waver.

“C'mon dove, cum for me- please.” And you shattered below him, melting into a puddle of ecstasy as your husband filled you with his cum, prolonging your orgasm.

Your left hand tangled in his dark hair and tugged his lips into yours. Your breath mingled as you both came down from your highs but Dick remained inside you, neither of you keen on having this end just yet.

“I love you.” You whispered to him and your husband smiled against your lips.

“I love you.” He replied with a gentle peck. “Soooooo, round 2?”

——————

“Dick's late.” Bruce's eyes once again flicked to the grandfather clock in the corner of the living room and then to the entryway but once again, there was no indication that his son had arrived.

Looking up from the floor where she had been playing with their granddaughter, his wife rolled her eyes. “Bruce, we've just given them their first uninterrupted date night in months, of course they're gonna be late. And hopefully they spent the night productively.” She said this last part almost to herself as she turned back to Alice who suddenly believed her right foot to be the most delicious thing ever.

Bruce raised an eyebrow at his wife. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing!” She sing-songed. “Oh look! They're here!”

And sure enough, Dick and a limping you walked through the door, not looking as well-rested as Bruce assumed you would be but both of you had big smiles on your faces.

“My girl!” Of course Dick immediately dove for his daughter, sending her into peels of laughter at seeing her father trip over his own feet in his hurry to get to her. You instead approached your father-in-law, greeting him with a warm hug and kiss to the cheek.

“Thank you for watching her, I hope she didn't give you too much trouble.” Bruce waved you off.

“She was an angel, like always. I thought you and Dick were going to get some rest, you look like you haven't slept a wink.” Dick snorted but immediately stopped when both you and his mother shot him a look.

You cleared your throat and with a look of embarrassment, you avoided Bruce's eyes. “We lost track of time and didn't get to bed until late.” You were content to leave it there but apparently, your husband had other ideas.

“Alice, what do you think about having a baby brother?” You and your mother-in-law sighed heavily as Bruce went pale, the realisation finally dawning on him.

“Oh-oh god. I think I need a drink.”

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star-girl69 · 1 year

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Human! reader head-cannon when the kids (still young) are told how there mama is a bit more fragile and easier to break so they have to careful and try not to be as ruff with her. Kids took that as a total challenge so they now hiss at anyone who comes within 3 feet of her ie, reader working in the lab with kiri and Lo’ak on her lap while Neteyam sits beside her (same chair) Norm walks over to hand her somthing and all the children hiss at him or Jake and Neytiri go to cuddle reader but the kids run and jump on her (basically dog piling her) hiss at there other parent and telling them not to squish there mama (Not noticing the hypocrisy as reader has been basically trampled by them - Sorry that was rlly long, don’t feel pressured to do this one as it’s not rlly well explained 😊😊😊

Lo’ak, Kiri, and Neteyam Being Protective of their Human!Fem!Reader Mama

a/n: unfortunately my requests are going to be closed for a few days just until i can get caught up on all of the requests i have

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO SENT THEM IN 🫶🫶

anyways i hope you all enjoy!!

—-

they’re like little guard dogs honestly

they absolutely LOVE going to the lab with you

like lo’ak in your arms like the mama’s boy he is

kiri leaning against your legs

neteyam sitting next to you

if you stay late and they start to get tired you probably have to sing them to sleep before going back to work

someone walking over to you and not noticing the sleeping kids (how??? but for the headcannon)

the colleagues talking too loudly and waking up neteyam

“HISS HISS GET AWAY FROM MY MAMA”

lo’ak and kiri waking up too

lo’ak literally wrapping his arms around your neck and SCREECHING even though he’s in your arms

the other person running away so fast

three kids all screaming at you and hissing is so scary 😭

them all finally going back to sleep after many kisses and the reassurance that you’re fine

you at the end of the night trying to figure out how to carry all three kids home

jake and neytiri waiting at home so confused

finally going to the lab and stifling their laughs when they see you all helpless

scolding them of course

picking up lo’ak and trying to hand him to jake when suddenly he like half wakes up and wraps himself around you like a koala

carrying lo’ak for totally unrelated reasons

jake carrying kiri and neytiri carrying neteyam

putting them to bed

lo’ak and neteyam being out with their friends

maybe you come outside to find them and say dinner is ready

lo’ak running over to you immediately, pulling on your clothes so you’ll pick him up

also i feel like he’s big into burying his face into your neck or hair

neteyam saying goodbye to all of his friends

“bye, my mama’s here”

one of the kids being like “well, MY mom said that she’s not really your mom and that your actual parents are weird”

“neteyam! hurry up baby!”

neteyam is thinking about throwing a rock

but runs over to you and grabs your outstretched hand

DEATH GLARE over his shoulder

next day the boy is mysteriously kicked out of their little group hmmm 🤷‍♀️

now maybe mo’at training kiri since she shows so much potential in regards to eywa

and also maybe mo’at still unfortunately trying to get over her prejudice ☹️

maybe kiri walking to her lessons and then being like

“guess who’s taking me to the pond to swim? mama!”

and mo’at is like “oh how nice”

and then you come to pick kiri up and take her swimming and mo’at is like

“oh…. y/n! i thought neytiri was taking her”

the tension is so obvious

“no haha it’s me!”

kiri noticing and tugging on your arm demanding that you two go

“come on mama let’s go. bye grandmother, come on mama,”

and also people literally just coming too close to you in public and the three of them just start hissing

the entire family just laying on the mats on the floor and just having some nice family time

jake JOKINGLY climbing on top of you and obviously not putting a lot of weight on you

you, jake and neytiri all think it’s funny but the three kids are just FREAKING OUT

kiri grabs his arm and tries to drag him off of you, neteyam hitting him and trying to drag him off, lo’ak just screaming and screeching that jake is KILLING HIS MAMA and pulling at jake to get off

jake getting off SO FAST he is TERRIFIED

all of them climbing on top of you

lo’ak holding your face in his hands and the yelling some more about how mean jake is

neteyam totally just throwing himself sideways over your stomach, facing his dad and hissing

kiri is just so stressed

she’s probably hugging your leg or arm and she’s SO mad on the inside

neytiri is laughing so hard in the corner

jake is just absolutely terrified

“what have we done…”

all in all jake and neytiri are happy bc they want you to be safe and they’re so soft that the kids love you as much as they do 🥹

they’re also a little scared but

#jake sully x neytiri #jake sully x reader #neytiri x reader #sully family x reader

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beanghostprincess · 2 months

Note

I'm gonna shamelessly drop some silly headcanons for the Cross Guild and also Shuggy:

• Shanks absolutely told Mihawk to his face "hey I think you and my boyfriend should hook up"

".... Excuse me?"

"I said you and Blue should hook up! :)"

".................. what percentage is that rum-?"

"I'm not drunk! I just think you'd like him!"

"Shanks. Redhair. I begrudgingly think of you as an acquaintance with whom I am not averse to spending time with, but if you ever insinuate I would "hook up" with a clown of all things, I will sever your other arm and beat you to death with it."

".... hot."

"You need professional help."

• cut to several years later, Mihawk is looking at Buggy, laid out on the ground on his tummy and playing with a baby humandrill. Oh, he thinks, watching Buggy coo and smile, quiet for once, sweet and unfiltered, oh no

• falling in love, for Mihawk, was a gradual decline, slow and steady until he suddenly got kicked off a cliff roadrunner style. He was warming up to the clown, was beginning to see what perhaps Shanks saw in him, was growing begrudgingly fond. Then one day, he happened across Buggy curled over onto a desk late at night, his cartoonishly large red outfit loose around him, drowning his limbs. With a touch of something approaching compassion, he designs to move the other to the couch at the very least, but then he sees Buggy is kneading the spare fabric in his sleep, not unlike a cat. When Mihawk scoops him up, the swordsman almost drops him because humans do not purr, and yet... shit. Shit. The Clown is cute. Who authorized this? Seas damn it all, he owes the Red bastard 250 Berri

• Crocodile resisted love with all the aplomb of a feral koala on crack. He outright REFUSED to fall for a clown, let alone THIS clown in particular. Then Buggy goes and does something absolutely mundane but cripplingly sweet like making his coffee PERFECTLY and then asking about the newest batch of strawberrywanis that just hatched. Croc gets affection aggression and is fuming over how much he wants to kiss this dumbass.

Buggy goes and makes it worse by making a soft comment about having been looking into their care himself out of interest and brings up maybe looking into expanding, what with the 'Wani yield, something Croc has been debating for future endeavors because while the current set up is okay and will remain alright, it won't always be. He is frothing. He is feral. He wants to kiss the clown. Shit. SHIT. How dare he?!

• Buggy is simply Oblivious. He has Shanks (and wowza if that hadn't been nice, seeing his boyenemy again after a highly traumatic experience like prison-and-then-war), and he knows he has a bit of a crush on his new business partners, but there's no way they'll like HIM back. It's simply not a Thing. He'll make do with self indulgent fantasies for now.

• Shanks is across the new world, sipping rum out of a sippy cup and grinning at the denden bc He Knows. He knows damn well that nobody is immune to his baby's charm. Nobody Is Immune To Buggy.

• Luffy wakes from a nap in a cold sweat like "my sand dad is about to kiss my clown mom. Zoro. Zoro wake up your dad is about to fuck my mom. Zoro-"

My favorite thing about Cross Guild falling in love is the inevitable way in which both Crocodile and Mihawk swear on their life they will NOT IN A MILLION YEARS fall for somebody as pathetic and ridiculous as the clown. And yet. And yet, they fall and it is painful to go through and they hate every second of it. But it goes from "I wanna kill him" to "He's okay" to "I guess he is cute" to "I would kill for him" in, like, months. Which for them feels like seconds. And they want to die.

And Buggy is completely oblivious, of course, he thinks they hate him. They are just two neurodivergent men who do not know how to communicate their feelings because they have been on their own for too long. So they are just. They're idiots.

Also, Luffy and Zoro reacting to Bughawk has to be the funniest things in the world-

#cross guild falling slowly for each other is just perfect imo #and they hate every second and i enjoy it so so much #one piece #buggy the clown #dracule mihawk #sir crocodile #cross guild #red haired shanks #shuggy #bughawk #crocbug

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the-kr8tor · 4 months

Text

Birthday Blues

Twin AU

Pairing: Hobie Brown x fem! Reader/ Spider-Punk x fem! Reader

Word count: 2.9k

Synopsis: It's the twin's first birthday!

Tags: No use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, Dad! Hobie, Mom! Reader, talks of having children, Domestic life, cw food mentions, Billie and Ramona AU, FLUFF.

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Hobie stands precariously on the back of the dinner table with the balance of an acrobat, his arms stretched up to hook the last birthday banners of his girls.

The one downside of having twins is that you have to have two of everything, two cakes, two names on the birthday banners, two presents, two pretty and sparkly dresses that with their best baby babbling, they chose. And the rest are all upsides, Billie and Ramona are growing so well, hitting all their milestones early; all giggly and wobbling their way across the flat. They're overall a very happy and pudgy babies, you and Hobie wouldn't have it any other way.

As the clock strikes twelve, Hobie checks everything, from the utensils to the birthday candles. He doesn't usually mind things to not be perfect and polished, but this time he'd want it to be, for his girls. He wants the twins to have an entire album full of good memories they can look at when they're both old so they would know that they were loved from the very start.

He walks in measured steps, too used to weaving around discarded toys even though the floor is free from clutter. Entering the girls' room, Hobie expects a tornado of clothes, towels, hair accessories left on the floor and his daughters still not in their birthday frock. Instead, he finds his three girls all done up and pretty, the room clean from mess, saved for a few toys the toddlers are currently playing with.

Hobie grins at them in the doorway. With some sort of spider sense, they both look at him simultaneously, their smiles getting wider and wider while waddling their way to their dad.

Billie has iridescent butterflies in her curls that's for sure won't be all complete by the end of the party. Ramona (per her request) is wearing a shiny tiara on top of her head, her hair is in adorable braids. Their dresses are all colorful and different from each other's, with laces and bows adorning the frilly fabrics.

“Da!” Billie screeches like she hasn't seen Hobie in forever, she climbs down from your lap, her arms spread ahead of her to grasp at him.

“Egg!” Hobie greets back.

She reaches Hobie’s legs first, enveloping herself around his leg. She looks like the cutest koala. Hobie takes her in his arms before she creases her dress while nuzzling his leg like usual and in turn ruins the handiwork you've done to her hair. He groans in the most dad way, bouncing her slightly while he waits for Ramona to make her way towards Hobie.

“C’mon, little potato. You can do it” he taps his leg to encourage her to walk towards him whilst Billie tries her best to tug at his wicks while it's in a ponytail. She practically worms her way up to his shoulder, Hobie of course anticipated this, so he already has his hand securely on her back, the sequins of her dress scratching his palms a bit.

Ramona babbles frustratingly but her face is determined. She finally reaches her dad, in her triumph and excitement, she climbs up his jeans, reminiscent of the days when Mayday used to do it when she was their age. Hobie helps her up with his hand holding her dress.

“There you go! Good job, muffin” Hobie tucks her in his arm, she wiggles excitedly in his hold. “Now, where's my second favourite girl?”

You hold up your hand, “Here!”

He enters the room fully, finding you sitting criss crossed on the carpet. Your back is turned so he can't see what has your attention that's more important than seeing the most adorable sight ever that you've definitely haven't seen before (you definitely have)

“Love, what are you doin'?” Hobie dodges Billie's little leg kick to reach his ponytail. Ramona pulls a frayed thread on his well worn shirt, continuing to pull it out with the intention to see the end of it. He feels his collar getting cinched by the second.

You finally look over your shoulder, eyes shimmering the second you take in the sight. There's glitter on your eyelids, cherry lip balm shiny on your smiling lips. He can't believe after all these years of being together, you still take his breath away. He's completely dead the moment you set your pretty eyes on him.

“Just something I wanna do with the girls before the party.”

Hobie makes his way to you, arms full of squirming toddlers who're already bored out of their mind. He sits down behind you and immediately the twins disperse out of his grasp to continue ravaging their toy box.

He lays his head on your shoulder like always, briefly poking you with his chin intentionally. Hobie glances at Ramona who helps Billie up on her bed to grab her blanky. Seeing them alright, he looks at the things you've laid out in front of you.

There's a book about Greek mythology that he remembers you used to read to the girls while you were still pregnant with them. A plain pen lies next to it, on its left is a calculator you've dug out from somewhere, spare change lies haphazardly sitting next to an orange. And lastly Hobie's spare webshooter and a toy stethoscope. What a weird combination of things, he thinks.

“So who's the first?” You ask, craning your neck to look at Hobie, you kiss his temple, unable to stop yourself.

“First?”

“You said I was your second favourite girl” you raise an eyebrow, challenging him to say another name.

“Our girls,” Hobie says matter-of-fact like it's the most obvious thing “Billie and Mona” he says it like he's reminding you the names of your own children.

“I would say ‘that’s so sweet, my love’ but you said it with a tone so what I'm gonna say is: second really?”

“Love” he sighs, not in an exasperated way but with endearment, knowing that this is one of your teasing ploys. “I would take a bullet for you, but after having those two I'm gonna stand behind you so I could save our babies” Hobie says the entire sentence trying to hold in his laugh.

You bonk him upside the head but your grin betrays your true feelings. Holding his cheeks, you squeeze his face, making the fakest angry face ever. He's glad your reaction to his teasing hasn't changed one bit since having the girls.

“Tell me again why I fell for you?” You still hold his face tenderly. In the background, you see Billie pulling her sister's leg which in turn makes Mona take the blanket from her sister to fling it towards Billie's face. They're definitely Hobie's girls, no need for a DNA test.

“Because I'm incredibly fit” he escapes your hold to lean closer to your face, kissing the corner of your lips. “Funny,” kiss “smart,” smooch “and you thought ‘huh? Hobie and I would make such cute babies together’” you giggle at the last bit. “And you were right, lovie.” Finally he finishes off his barrage of kisses with one last kiss on your forehead.

“I've never said that, but we did make the cutest babies” you coo, letting your head fall on his shoulder, flicking your eyes back to Hobie's carbon copies.

“Makes you want one more, eh?” Hobie shrugs his shoulder where you've made a home for yourself, his smirk prominent even though you only see half of his chiseled face.

“Ask me again after five years,” you whisper.

He chuckles, the sound captures the twin's attention. Their faces are curious as to why you're having fun without them. Mona pouts while Billie makes her way down the bed, her little legs dangling to reach the floor. You laugh, tapping Hobie's thigh, your way of saying ‘we’ll discuss this later’ standing up to pick your girls up or else they'll be moody all day– you don't want that especially when it's their birthday.

“What're these things?” Hobie rolls the orange in between his hands.

Mona gurgles in your arm while Billie holds your hand as you guide her towards the things you've laid out. Your posture is weird, your knees are slightly bent while your back is leaning towards Billie to accommodate her small height. Add it with Mona’s weight, you're definitely gonna need a chiropractor.

“Oh MJ told me about them” Reaching Hobie, Billie immediately sits on her father's lap, lounging like nobody's business, taking the orange from him, biting it with her baby teeth.

Sitting down with Mona in your arms, she looks up at you like how she looks at her favourite food. “She said it's an Asian tradition where parents lay out things for the baby to grab to see a glimpse of what they'd become in the future.” you take the orange from Billie before she punctures it and drips juice all over her dress. “Cute, right?”

“So if they pick the book they'll be smart, or if they choose the webshooter they'll be like me, that it?”

“Mm-hmm, basically, yeah” you place the orange back to the lineup, shaping the collection of things into a circle while juggling Mona who tries to reach your butterfly earrings. “I know it’s not a definite thing to determine what they'll be in the future, it's just something fun to do while they're still little babies. Also I know we'll support them whatever they want to do so this is just a bit of fun for us”

He hums, “Yeah, I see it. You're missing something though” Hobie hands you Billie who laughs once she gets a full face of your blouse. He goes off to somewhere, you hear rustling down the hall.

“Where did daddy go?” You do your baby voice, cooing at Billie and Ramona. They both have wide eyes then after a second of them understanding your question, they look around for Hobie. “Ooh where is he, huh? Where's he hiding? Can you say dada?”

“Uh!” Mona kicks your stomach while Billie is in near tears when she can't see her dad.

You feign surprise, gasping “There he is! Look!”

Hobie makes himself big in the doorway, arms flailing about while making a growling noise. Legs trotting inside. The twins simultaneously reach towards him on instinct.

“I'm not dad, I'm the goblin that eats children!” He scoops them both up effortlessly, pretending to take bites on their little heads. They squeal in delight, the sound makes your heart increase in size. “It's in my back pocket, lovie” Hobie turns around, continuing to chomp at his girls.

“Drumsticks! Good call” you add it to the collection. “Alright, now give me your spawns” holding your arm up, it was a battle trying to get them to latch off Hobie.

“Mum needs you two to do somethin' for her, yeah?” Hobie holds Mona at arms length while Billie squirms in your hold. Mona tilts her head cutely, eyes curious like she's trying to comprehend her dad's words. “Yeah, you understand”

Hobie joins you on the floor, he puts Mona inside the circle, while you do the same with Billie. They sit on their bums, looking at you and Hobie with wide eyes. Billie sucks on her thumb like she's incredibly bored, while Mona continues to babble, staring directly at you and Hobie, looking like she's having a conversation with her parents.

“Now what?” Hobie leans slightly forward, the anticipation is killing him.

“I guess we just wait?”

“What did Mayday choose?” his eyes never leave the girls who surprisingly sits obediently. Maybe he can use the circle method when he needs them to stay put.

“Peter’s webshooters–look!” you excitedly say as Billie reaches for the drumsticks. Hobie holds your hand, observing his daughter like he's watching his favourite band play.

Billie stops halfway, she looks at Ramona who instinctively stares back. They both giggle simultaneously like they're having some sort of twin telepathy. In a surprising turn of events, Billie hugs her sister, heaving her up to her feet whilst Mona balls her tiny fists to hold on to Billie. They saunter out of the circle, holding onto each other.

“Oh my–Hobie” your eyes are full of tears, leaning on his side, squeezing his hand affectionately. You feel like your heart will burst out of your chest from cuteness. Your love for your daughters have reached infinite numbers.

For the first time since Hobie first saw his girls bundled up in your arms– he's speechless. He could only turn to you to hug your sobbing form. He kisses the top of your head, his eyes watching his girls twirl around, laughing the entire time.

“They chose each other!” your happy tears soak Hobie's shirt, he rubs your back, feeling heat behind his eyes.

“It's too early to say but I think we're doing good” he softly says, “they'll be great, I know it.”

The doorbell rings, interrupting your cry fest. Hobie cups your face, wiping away tears with his thumbs. “Let's get the party started, yeah?” He kisses each of your eyelids for good measure.

You hear Mayday's muffled voice yelling out the twin's names.

—

After all the cake and food have been devoured, presents hastily opened by the birthday girls, you clean up all the sparkly gift wrappers by your feet. You run the dishes under the faucet since you're too tired to wash it right now. Looking up at all the decorations Hobie put up, the frilly streamers, the rainbow balloons that he painstakingly blew up on his own and the party favours you two stayed up all night to make, you find that you can't stop smiling, eternally grateful for him. Your eyes start to water once again while recalling the recent memory of the party.

Tiptoeing to the girls' room, you see Hobie sitting on the rocking chair, his shirt cinched at the hem where one of the girls pulled a thread throughout the day. His pants still have the pink icing stain on his hip, there's a piece of streamer stuck to his hair, yet you've never seen a more handsome sight.

“Come ‘ere often?” He whispers, the story book in his hand lying half open.

“Occasionally” You whisper back, smirk playing on your lips.

You enter the room quietly, stopping by Mona's crib. You also see Billie inside, all tucked in, giraffe PJ's on. While Mona sleeps next to her sister in her turtle PJ's, gripping her blanket tightly. Leaning down, your lower back aching from the position, you kiss each of their foreheads carefully, pulling the blanket under their chins.

Wordlessly, Hobie taps his lap. You drape yourself on his lap as quietly as possible, the chair rocks softly. He puts his arm around your waist, tugging you close, placing his head on your shoulder.

“Tired?” You knead at his nape.

“I should be askin’ you that. You're not tired from all the bragging about what ‘thing one’ and ‘thing two’ did?”

“I had to, they were so adorable and made me cry. I got Pav and Pete sobbing too.” you chuckle softly.

“Out of all your nicknames for them that one is the worst one”

“I thought Microwave oven and Humidifier was the worst one?” Hobie raises your blouse slightly to cup the skin of your hip. “Or was it ratatouille and shepherd's pie?”

“Now you're just saying things. Mac and cheese was your best one by the way” you cuddle closer, eyes shutting close.

“Don't think I can top that one”

You fight a yawn. “Did they put up a fight?”

“Nah, they conked out immediately but they did protest when I placed Billie in her crib”

“I figured, they're making me tear up again” sure enough, you feel the tears pricking your eyes. “I loved what you did with the decorations by the way. I couldn't find the time to say it to you earlier.”

“Thank you, lovie. You saw what I did with the cupcakes?” Hobie shakes you awake.

“In the shape of your mask? Impossible to miss it, I love it all” You finally kiss him, you both taste like the sugary sweet icing. “Sorry I couldn't help you”

“It's alright, I managed. Wallace and Gromit didn't give you any trouble with their dresses?”

You hide your face on the crook of his neck to stifle your laughter. “No fuss, they like the dresses”

After a beat of silence, he traces your spine with his knuckles. “I meant what I said earlier.”

“Hmm?”

“That we're doin' good, you're doin' good. And I know they'll be alright whatever they get up to in the future.” Hobie knows exactly why you did the tradition, he knows you well enough to know that you're anxious about your parenting, that it isn't right or enough, that they'll turn messed up when they grow up.

You feel another sob coming up. “You're doing good too, so good, better than anyone actually” you tell it all straight from your heart.

“Now you're just gassing me up” he kisses the space between your eyes whilst caressing your back comfortingly.

“It's true.” You lay your head on his shoulder, your fingers playing with the frayed ends of his shirt. “They love you, you're incredibly good at this whole parenting thing” your fatigue catches up to you.

“Couldn't have done it without you, my toyota corolla” you snort, weakly slapping his chest. “I think we can do a good job too on the next spawn.” even without seeing his face, you know he has a teasing grin.

“At least wait for them to learn how to talk first, damn”

A/N: Thank you for reading! If you're curious, I chose the pencil when I was a year old! Happy holidays! 🫶

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melrodrigo · 11 months

Text

Koalas? - Tardy Drabble

Tara Carpenter x F!Reader

Summary: You’re in a riveting conversation about koalas, Tara gets jealous.

Warnings: Jealous Tara, R being a menace and a brat, fluff.

Word Count: 800+

A/N: I’m really feeding y’all with the Tardy content lately… requested by darling anon, sorry it took a little longer than I thought it would! Hope u like it <3

“Hey, did you know koalas can have chlamydia? Like, almost all of them have it. In some countries, it’s a 100% infection rate.” The boy in front of you says excitedly, like he didn’t just spit the most appalling koala fact to ever exist.

Peter was a nice boy, all shy smiles and childlike charm. You didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so you bite back the bile forming at the back of your throat and nod your head.

“Also! The babies eat their mom’s poop. Isn’t that fascinating? No shame.”

You look around the party, trying to find a certain 5’1 ravenette. Tara was the one who invited you today, but she was late.

It’s sort of ironic, how the tables turn when it comes to a party. You arrived right on time, but Tara doesn’t share your vigor.

It’s 11.30 now, and she’s still nowhere to be found.

You’ve spent the last hour and a half slinking around the crowd, head snapping to the door whenever you hear it open.

You eventually gave up, opting to sit down and relax for a second. That’s when Peter had slipped in, looking just as tired but excited to make small talk with you.

That’s how you ended up here.

“And don’t even get me started on the-“ He gets cut off by the DJ, muffling his voice so all you hear are small noises and vibrations.

You furrow your eyebrows and lean in.

“Huh?” You yell to him; and in hindsight, you probably did lean in a bit too close.

Because the next thing you know he’s glancing at your lips and looking flustered.

Oh, oh no.

“Excuse me.” A voice cuts in, and Tara emerges by your side. Her eyes are narrowed, arms crossed.

The sight of her makes you happy enough to forget completely about Peter.

“Tara, you’re here.” You state the obvious, but it’s hard to come up with anything to say when you see her outfit.

She’s wearing a white button-up paired with a simple black tie, but it’s enough to make your breath catch in your throat.

Her hair is down, slightly curled, cascading over her shoulders.

She’s not looking at you though, her eyes are trained on Peter. There’s a fire in her eyes when she speaks again.

“Um-“ He starts, but Tara’s faster than him.

“You’ve done enough, you can go now.” She sneers at him, and you almost feel bad as he cowers away instantly. Almost.

She watches as he leaves, stance still stoney.

You realize what’s happening immediately. You smirk and pull her towards you.

“Are you jealous?” You lean down and whisper into her ear, softly.

She scoffs once, then twice. Rather unconvincingly.

“In your dreams.”

It’s times like these you question your friendship with Tara. Normal friends don’t usually get jealous, or blatantly flirt with each other…do they?

The tension was so obvious to everyone but the two of you. It hung thick in the air whenever you were around each other, and you think you wouldn’t mind if it engulfed you whole right then and there.

You decide to push a little further.

“Really? What do you call that?” You nod your head towards the direction Peter had fled.

She’s still pouting as she speaks, “He’s a no-good douchebag. I’m just looking out for a friend, is all.”

You snort.

Even she knows she’s nowhere near the truth, Peter was a lovable idiot. He’s one of those people where you can’t help but like, the epitome of pure happiness and innocence. It’s part of the reason you didn’t stop his koala rant.

But he’s not the person you have a crush on, that unlucky person stands in front of you now. You couldn’t give a second shit about Peter.

You reach for her face, cup her cheeks and try to wipe the pout away.

She swats your hand away and starts walking toward the kitchen. You follow after her ever so willingly.

In between pouring a drink for herself, she asks you, “Were are you at least waiting for me? Before you went and mingled with the rest of this party.”

You laugh, a real hearty laugh that makes her frown harder.

“You are jealous! Don’t worry babe, there’s enough of me for everyone. Especially you.“ You sing-song.

Tara mumbles something under her breath that you don’t catch, but you’re too busy teasing her to really care.

She walks up; arms wrapping around your waist, tilting her face up so she can meet your eyes.

She’s giving you those eyes, wide and soft; the same ones she gives you when she wants something.

You fold immediately, and she finally cracks a smile.

Damnit, you fell for her trap. Now that she had you in her arms, you were gone.

“Fine. I was waiting for you.” You admit, shuffling your feet to the music a bit.

She cracks a smile. You relent, like you always do with Tara.

“I was waiting a long time. Like, really long. I was only talking to Peter to pass the time.” You mumble.

You don’t tell her that you’ve been staring at the door since the party started either.

She seems satisfied with your words and tugs your hand towards the dance floor.

It takes a while until you both start loosening up. Her hands are on the back of your neck, intwined with each other. It reminds you of an awkward sort of prom-like position; which doesn’t fit the occasion at all, since you’re at a party and they’re playing pop music. But as long as her hands are on you- you guess you don’t mind.

“I’m sorry for being late, but I’ll make it up to you.” Is the thing she says as she releases the grip on your neck and starts moving her body to the music.

You smile cheekily, “And how exactly are you going to do that?”

“Oh you’ll see.”

#tardy #tardy drabble #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x reader #jenna ortega x reader #scream vi #jenna ortega #tara carpenter x y/n

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toxicanonymity · 11 months

Text

Canopy 2

1.8k / dbf!joel x f!reader / master list

You wake up at sunrise and realize Joel is still there, but you don't wake him up, even as your parents are getting ready for work.

A/N: I just had this brief one-off thot about a dbf!Joel actually getting caught so I used the Joel/reader pair from Canopy but this is angsty and mostly focused on getting caught. ] Warnings: Angst/suspense, actually getting caught, parental concern, confrontation, unsafe P in V, somnophilia (touching Joel), anal fingering, brief masturbation.

------

Your parents have had their suspicions this summer:

Joel was at the pool for the annual independence day barbecue and so was your family and half the neighborhood. There were other college girls there, and you saw Joel look at one. After that, you weren't exactly discreet in vying for his attention. You got out of the pool and didn't put anything on before eating. You went straight to the table and sat down next to him. You needlessly reached over him, dripping all over him, breast nudging his arm. He didn't flinch until he saw your dad's eyes on you, then quickly pulled his whole body away.

Joel came over to help your dad with a project and you stayed outside sunbathing the whole time. He ignored you which only made you need his attention more. You went inside to get a popsicle without covering yourself up, and on your way back outside you, slurped it and said, "This is juicy. Joel, you want some?" You continued slurping the popsicle and trying to make eyes at Joel the whole time he was trying to work with your dad.

At one point, your dad went inside to get something. Joel walked over to your lawn chair and grumbled under his breath with his hands on his hips, "what the hell are you doin, huh?" The bottom of your swimsuit was tied loose. You reached up with your foot and touched the crotch of his jeans. You pressed into his warm, thick member - a double whammy of physically stimulating him and also spreading your legs, letting the loose fabric expose your dripping cunt. He hesitated for a moment then threw your foot off and said "cut it out right now," pointing a cautionary finger at you. He adjusted himself and turned to walk away not a moment too soon as the glass sliding door opened and your dad emerged.

"Okay back here?" Your dad asked. He kept a closer eye on Joel at the house after that, but tried to suppress his intuition. Your mom started asking more questions about whether you've met any boys at school or if there are any boys your age working at your summer job.

—

Meanwhile, against Joel's better judgment, sneaking in through the window has remained the routine while you're home from college for the summer. Joel normally sneaks out your window in plenty of time, but one night, you do something new, and you’re feeling insecure. You’re on top of Joel, hugged around him like a koala, slowly riding his cock as he fucks up into you, saying “Good girl, bein’ quiet for me." He kneads your ass cheeks and his fingers creep closer to your asshole. He’s touched it a couple of times but never went inside. He pulls you down on his cock and holds you still. Then he presses a finger against your asshole and whispers, “You’re so hot baby. I wanna be everywhere inside you.”

“I want that too,” you say.

“Really, princess?”

You look at him and nod, moving slowly on his cock. “Just the finger.” It’s something new for you, but you trust Joel and sense he's been wanting to get in your ass. He’s always nurturing and makes you feel good about it. If you feel good about the finger, you’ll do more some other time. He fucks you with renewed hunger. After he makes you come on his cock, you stay on it.

He gathers your slick to lube his middle finger then inches one inside your ass and your cunt clenches around his cock. “Oh, baby, you’re so perfect” he pants and his cock twitches inside you. You let him inch further and further til his middle finger is all the way in. He begins to rock you on his cock again until he explodes inside you.

When you fall asleep, he gently rolls you onto your back, then gets up and draws your canopy open, tucking the curtain behind his side of the bed while he sits back down to puts on his shoes. When he tries to leave, you whine for him to stay. You tell him you’re self conscious of what you did and don't want to feel used. He feels awful, so he takes off his shoes and gets back in bed. In trying to grant you some more cuddling, he loses himself, stroking your back comfortingly. The canopy is still open, but he doesn't want to disturb you and he's going to leave soon anyway. But he falls back asleep.

——

You wake up at sunrise and realize Joel is still there, but you don't wake him up. You wrap an arm and leg around him and your knee brushes his morning wood. Your mouth falls open with want. You trace the outline of his cock through his boxers and you're getting soaked. You want to wake him up to fuck but you know he'll leave immediately. So you get as much as you can out of him without waking him up.

You stroke your clit with one hand and gently fondle his raging erection with the other. The weeping head of his cock peeks out of his boxers. You swipe the pre cum with your fingers and taste it, stifling s moan at the taste. He moans in his sleep.

Your parents start getting ready for the morning and the shower comes on next to your room. He jolts up and you tear your hand away from his crotch. He whispers "Oh, shit."

"Shhhh, Joel, it's okay they aren't gonna come in." You try to get him to lie back down. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath trying to think through what to do. You reach for his cock.

"Jesus, not now," he says.

—

And then your bedroom door opens with no warning. No time for Joel to hide. Joel's face is frozen, losing blotches of color as your dad's eyes go wide. Joel sits up on his elbows, then sees the bulge under the blanket and raises his knees, too. A vein protrudes from your dad's forehead. He's silent for a second, his chest inflating with anger. Time stops moving. You’ve never seen Joel like this. Paralyzed, mortified. You can practically see his heart beat in his throat. His Adam’s Apple bobs as he swallows again.

"What the hell are you doing in my daughter's bed?"

You say, "I asked him to come hold me."

Your dad asks, "Why would you-"

You say, "Because he's sweet! Because he cares! All you do is yell."

Your dad asks Joel again, "I asked you a question. Why are you in my daughter's bed?"

Joel swallows. His jugular vein is pounding. "It was innocent," he says.

Your dad nods slowly and clearly doesn’t believe Joel. Your dad addresses you. "It's not your fault, honey. We’re gonna go to talk man-to-man, okay?"

Your dad stands there and looks back and forth between you, then stares at Joel. "If it was innocent, get up and let’s go talk," he says calmly.

He waits for Joel, who's still hard as a rock, to get out of the bed. Joel freezes - What can he do? Reach down to adjust himself first? That doesn't look good. Get out of bed, cock blazing? Even worse, but at least there’s the morning wood explanation.

Your dad isn’t stupid. He knows there's only one reason Joel hasn't moved.

"You're STILL in my daughter's bed." Your dad charges toward him. Joel reaches down and quickly adjusts himself. It's not a good look but it's better than the angry red head of his cock sticking out right where you left it.

You cry, "dad, no!" Your dad throws off the covers, exposing Joel in his boxers as he futilely bends forward and puts his hands over the considerable tent. The smell of sex wafts from the sheets. Your dad closes his eyes and takes a deep, angry breath.

"dad, it was all me, I swear."

Your dad ignores you.

Joel scrambles out of the bed, cowering to your dad - not because he's afraid of him. Joel could certainly take him in a fight - but because the situation demands humility.

Your mom rushes down the hall to see about the commotion. She sees Joel and her hand goes to her lips. She whispers, "Joel, what -". She can't even form words.

"Get out," your dad tells Joel.

Joel swallows and nods, speechless.

Your dad adds, "can't talk about it man to man when there's only one man here."

Joel walks toward the bedroom door but lingers.

"dad, please!" You beg. "I'm an adult. I love him." Joel’s hands go to the back of his head. You're making it sooooo much worse.

Your mom says, "oh, god, honey," and rushes over to you.

"I'm going with you," you tell Joel and get out of the bed in your tiny pajamas. “Wait for me!”

Your dad physically restrains you.

"GO!" Your dad screams at Joel. "WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?" Your dad is on the verge of tears.

Joel hesitates and mutters, "Cause I care.” He rubs his beard with watery eyes. There's no hope of ever repairing things with your father and he doesn't want to lose you, too. Joel charges back toward your room. "We'll figure this out, princess," he says shakily as your dad physically grabs him by the shirt. "Promise," Joel adds over his shoulder as your dad shoves him into the hall and shuts your bedroom door.

—

Your dad is fuming but tries to calm down. Your mom rubs his back to help. The room is silent for a minute except for your sniffling.

"You said I can love who I want to love," you cry.

"That was about gender, honey. Not age,” your /mom says.

"You're acting like he did something wrong when I had the biggest crush on him all long, since freshman year of high school."

Your dad winces at that.

"And he wouldn't even look at me until I came home for Christmas"

"Jesus, since Christmas?" Your mom gasps.

"It's my fault," you repeat. "It was all me. I swear," you sob.

"Honey, it wasn't. You'll understand this one day," your mom says, then whispers to your dad, "What do we do?"

Your dad sighs and crosses his arms, looking down and shaking his head like he has no idea. He’s a ball of tension. You hope he doesn’t have a heart attack.

Your mom asks him, "do you still have the number for that counselor?"

You yell, "I don't need a counselor!"

Your dad says, "yeah, what was his name, let me check my phone."

"I don’t know, it started with an ‘R’. We’ll find it later,” your Mom says, then sits down on your bed. “Honey, I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but you’ll get through this. You’ll meet a nice boy your age.”

You’re silent. “Can I be alone please?”

They reluctantly leave you. Then you pack a bag and climb out your window.

Thank you so much for reading and engaging!!! I appreciate every comment, reblog and like so much you don't even know. I love you guys.

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller drabble #joel miller fic #pedro pascal fic #perv!joel miller #pedro pascal #pervy!joel miller #pedro pascal smut #toxicanonymity ☠️#dbf!joel miller #joel miller one shot

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leclerc-s · 6 months

Text

big reputations - part two

series masterlist // previous // next

AN INTERVIEW WITH DANIEL RICCIARDO (EXCERPT)

comments

user1 nah, the interviewer was so wrong for this. you know he wanted to say himself.

user2 daniel's blushing over this. i just know it.

user3 fernando is probably giggling over all of this. we've all see the tiktoks he's posted.

user4 daniel dragged his best friend along to see his future gf at a concert.

user5 this man is giggling like a schoolgirl over a woman who's not even his girlfriend.

user6 daniel, baby, this isn't like you. what about our farm, our six dogs, 3 kids, 2 goats, 12 chickens, and 4 cows?

↳ user7 babygorl, delulu is not the solulu. not this time.

↳ user8 girl wants to raise a whole ass fucking zoo

↳ user6 i've grown up in the country, i am surrounded by animals

↳ user8 that explains it

user9 the interviewer heard we wanted the tea on what happened at the eras tour and she was not going to stop until she got answers. too bad daniel is good at keeping secrets

user10 oh this man so desperately wanted to say himself but had to stop from doing so.

alex albon i get asked about the eras tour one more time i will lose it!

max verstappen someone's bitter they didn't get a chance to go. alex albon YES! I AM! IT'S ALL LILY WILL TALK ABOUT! WE DESERVED THE RIGHT TO GO!

daniel ricciardo well that's up for debate. i waited ages in line to buy those tickets. did you?

alex albon YOU TOOK MAX AND P?? BUT NOT ME OR LILY?

daniel ricciardo i only had three extra tickets??

lando norris THREE? WHO WAS THE THIRD??

daniel ricciardo kelly? penelope's mom?

lando norris oh. i forgot about that.

charles leclerc you forgot penelope had a mother?

lando norris i plead the fifth

logan sargeant YOU'RE BRITISH?? THAT DOESN'T WORK ON YOU! lando norris I CAN BE WHATEVER I WANT TO BE! logan sargeant OF COURSE YOU CAN YOU'RE A COLONIZER! lando norris AT LEAST WE DON'T HAVE SCHOOL SHOOTINGS! logan sargeant YOU CAN'T USE THE SAME FUCKING COMEBACK EVERY TIME ASSHOLE! oscar piastri okay, we are not doing this again logan sargeant YOU STAY OUT OF THIS KOALA!

lewis hamilton can you three be mature?

logan sargeant in the words of the colonizer, 'i don't wanna mature'

fernando alonso por dios, estan locos. (my god, they're crazy)

sergio perez obvio, no estan nada normal (obviously, they're not normal)

george russell i don't speak spanish but all i understood was normal.

alex albon because it's spelled the same way in spanish and english

carlos sainz they're talking shit about the three stooges.

george russell thank you siri!

kevin magnussen so daniel how's your hand?

daniel ricciardo thanks for asking kevin! at least i know someone here cares about my wellbeing.

daniel ricciardo i'm currently texting with one hand because i have to go into surgery soon. it's only a broken bone. if i don't make it back don't let fernando date daphne jones!

max verstappen glad to know you have your priorities straight.

daniel ricciardo of course.

¡leclerc-s speaks! you cannot convince me that logan and lando haven't had a similar argument at least once and poor oscar was stuck as mediator between them.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

#leclerc-s #big reputations series #daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo x female oc #formula 1 #formula 1 fic #fanfic #fanfiction #f1 #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 instagram au #f1 fic

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incorrectcreepypastafam · 20 days

Text

Creepypasta As Hazbin Hotel

Ben: so what do you think

Jeff: I’m sorry what the fuck was that

Helen: we’re not filming a porn as a commercial

Puppeteer: why not

Nina: I like being forced

Jeff: keep that to yourself, Nina

Nina: Puppeteer sir

Puppeteer: call me dickmaster

Nina: Puppeteer.

Nina: it’s a solution to our biggest problem

Jeff: oh yeah herpes that’s a bitch

Nina: no our other biggest problem

Jeff: oh uh ugly people?

Jeff: math?

Jane: face my wrath

Jeff: who are you

Jane: I attacked you literally last week

Jeff: ?

Jane: we’ve done battle like twenty times

Jeff: well you must’ve been really bad at this

Liu: oh god, here I go, Jeff. just another fucking day with Jeff. hey hey hey fuck my life

Liu: looks like you have everything under control here

Lyra: of course I do, fuck you, now shoo, go take care of the piss baby

Liu: so you should…?

Jeff: do nothing?

Liu: great idea!!

Toby: you still pissed he almost beat you that time?

Jeff: uh fuck you

Toby: just saying

Sally: *gasp* the bad boy is back

Sally: never leave me again

Brian: we’re about 80% sure she’s harmless

Jeff: this is stupid

Lyra: this is not stupid!

Lyra: it’s just the GAMEEEEE

Lyra: Liu did it well so please try to do the same!

Jeff: I’m too sober for this

Jeff: I’m looking forward to stabbing the other residents

Slenderman: WHAT WHY

Slenderman: people are being nice because they want you to feel welcome

Jeff: *middle finger*

Liu: *middle finger*

Toby: *laughs evilly*

Nina: I have my doubts

Tim: Puppeteer’s minions are all over the place and I need you to get rid of them

Jeff: oh well in that case I’d be delighted to

Tim: humanely

Jeff: well that’s a lot less fun

Jeff: this time everyone has to catch him, okay? Unless you want me to hurt you

Jeff: I love to suck-

Tim: I swear to fuck if you say dicks

Jeff: popsicles, you sicko! Get your mind outta the gutter

Jeff: but you know, dicks too

Sally: sometimes I kill mother bugs in front of their children as a warning to others

Jeff: NINA?!

Clockwork: uh my name’s Clocky

Jeff: no one gives a shit

Jeff: call me fake one more time, motherfucker

Jeff: i dare you

Toby: fake

Jeff: fucking asshole- *hits his head on roof*

Toby: you done?

Liu: Lyra, sweetie, you uh you good?

Lyra: nope no not really!

Sally: maybe it’s time

Lazari: no

Sally: to ask

Lazari: don’t say it

Sally: your dad

Lazari: UGHHHHHH

Lyra: wait that’s it

Jeff: kill everyone?

Lyra: noooooo

EJ: what’s the hold up?

EJ: you got daddy issues?

Lulu: no we’ve just never been close

Lulu: after Mom died he never really wanted to see me

Lulu: he calls sometimes but only if he’s bored or needs me to do something

EJ: daddy issues

Brian: this is the first time she’s called you in years

Brian: this has to be perfect

Brian, picking up the phone: HEYYYY BITCH

Jeff: you may have heard of me from my radio broadcast

Tim: hmmm NOPE I guess that’s why Toby called it the Hazbin Hotel hahaha

Jeff: hahaha it was actually my idea

Tim: hahaha well it’s not very clever

Jeff: haha fuck you

Toby: OKAY

Brian: you like girls! so do I! We have so much in common

Clockwork: how you been?

Jeff: good! Until five minutes ago

Sadie: hey Sally what you been up to, girlie?

Sally: fighting bugs

Sadie: and how’s that going for you

Sally: they’re winning

Sally: but not for long

Lulu: how come he can have faith in me but my own father can’t?

Jeff: oooooh drama *pulls out popcorn*

Slenderman: hi

Slenderman: Slenderman

Slenderman: that’s my wall that you just blew up

Jeff: don’t fucking shush me bitch

Sadie: I need a break but hug a koala for me

Nina: omg can you imagine an actual KOALA

Jeff: anyway you sure fucked up didn’t you

Jeff: oh Lyra, you look an absolute mess

Sadie: I won’t hurt anyone for you

Jeff: who’s asking?!

Ben: Jeff and Toby just left like they were running away from their responsibilities

Ben: should we be alarmed?

Helen: are you fucking high?

Lulu: oh I’m just kidding

Lulu: I know you’re an ace in the hole

Ann: a what now?

Sally: I named all the stains on the carpet

Sally: that one’s Fred

Liu: look I can’t resist a fight okay

Liu, about Jeff: especially when I get to tag team with this fuckhead

Lyra: live tonight however you want because-

Toby: we’re all gonna die!

Dina: alright let’s give it up for not dying!

Dina: love not dying!

Dina: … drinks?

Jeff: I mean personally I’m excited it’s been a long time since I stabbed someone and really meant it you know what I mean

Lazari: I dub thee king roach

EJ: oh to understand your twisted little mind

Jeff: anyway I guess

Jeff: please don’t die tomorrow

Jeff: okay bye

Lyra: rip Jane’s cunt mouth out her ass

Jeff: would you just- chill, Lyra, fuck

Zero: they appear to have some kind of shield sir

Puppeteer: oh really? I didn’t see this giant fucking shield in front of me YOU DUMB BITCH NO SHIT

Jeff: I’m about to end your fucking life

Puppeteer: fuck you, you red piece of- too much fucking red- fuck shut up

Ben: hahaha poetry

Jeff: what just happened? Ffffuck

Toby: these fucking angels won’t stop coming

Jeff: HA

Toby: okay I walked right into that one

Jane: Before I take your life I’m going to tear that other eye out of your face

Clockwork: try it bitch

Jeff, to Jane: live

Jeff: live knowing that you only do because I let you

Slenderman: see you messed with my daughter so now I am going to FUCK you

Zalgo: …

Clockwork & Lyra: …

Jeff: 😏

LJ: well this just got interesting

Sally: it’s fuck you up, Dad

Slenderman: wait what did I say?

Liu: how’s mercy taste, you little bitch

Slenderman: take your little friends and GO HOME

Slenderman: please

Puppeteer: I’m The Puppeteer

Helen: and I’m-

Puppeteer: nobody gives a shit who you are, Helen

Zero: anyway congrats to Slenderman and his crew for not being totally fucking useless for once

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