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nevermindirah · 3 years

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Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

#nile freeman #linguistics #TOG POC Love Fest #nileweek2021 #tog meta #tog #long post #mine #antiblackness #jewish things #hi i'm an antizionist jew no i don't really want to talk about it

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yournotsolocalcryptid · 3 years

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Just Someone You Used to Know

part 1/? | from this ask

NEXT (Lost In Thought and Lost In Time)

Summary: Your childhood friend Billy (whom you thought was dead) turns up at a hospital and you get a call about it.

pairing(s): Billy/Four x Gender Neutral!Reader

Warnings/authors notes: the request was for Hurt/comfort and while there's not a ton of that in this chapter there will be elements of it and also a lot of other things. angst, fluff, a lot of emotions going on here. swearing. poor writing skills, barely proofread/edited. this will be a multi-part fic, tho I don't know how many yet.

word count: 2.3k

Your phone lit up with a call from an unknown number which you promptly ignored and continued with your day as you figured If it was important they’d leave a message, which they did. When you had a free moment you grabbed your phone clicked on the message.

“Hello, is this Y/N?” said a voice you didn't recognize “I’m a nurse and a man was just brought in having sustained some injuries. when we asked him if there was anyone we could call to be with him he said your first name and listed this number. He had no forms of identification but he said his name was Billy.”

This made you stop cold. The nurse continued but you weren’t quite hearing what she said. Your mind was reeling. Billy? Your Billy? Surely not, you must’ve misheard or maybe the nurse did, or maybe the nurse misspoke and had really said “willy” or the man just spouted random numbers in a delirium caused by his injuries that happened to make up your number. That must be it because Billy is dead. Your Billy died several years ago. You attended his funeral and had mourned him with your whole being every day since.

You relistened to the voicemail to clarify you hadn’t misunderstood and there it was clear as day Billy. You ran a hand over your face and tried to focus as the voice continued, stating the name and address of there they were as well as what floor and wing of the hospital which you wrote down. You stared at the address. The rational part of you said not to go. Not to get your hopes up because Billy will not be there. Billy is in the cemetery a few miles from where you were and yet... and yet everything else in you was screaming at you to go. You knew he wouldn’t be there and you’d be heartbroken all over again but there was a man, an injured man who may not be your Billy but who needed someone nonetheless. After staring at the address for what felt like an eternity you stood abruptly, put your shoes on, grabbed your things and swept out the door.

When you arrived at the hospital you went to the desk in the correct wing and on the correct floor (you triple-checked) you stated your name and explained how you got a call about a man named Billy. The woman at the desk checked a few things and clarified your name before directing you to the waiting room. You made your way to a chair and sat on the edge of it bouncing your leg and fiddling with your fingers. You were anxious, very anxious, and your mind was racing. After a few minutes, a nurse walked in and called your name, you stood and went to her. She leads you down a hallway and stopped outside a room.

She turned to you and said, “He has a fractured wrist, face lacerations, lots of bruising, and we had to take him to surgery to stop some internal bleeding. He’s probably still asleep from the procedure but he should be all right and should no complications arise he should be about to go home within the next few days” you nodded, your eyebrows knitted together “would you like me to come in with you?” she asked and you shook your head, no. she nodded briefly and said, “I’ll be at the nurse’s station we just passed should you need anything and please press the ‘call nurse’ button when he wakes up” then she smiled warmly and went on her way.

You turned to face the door and placed a shaking hand on the handle. You took a deep breath and opened the door.

The first thing you saw when you opened the door was the beautiful blond man you’d once known lying in the hospital bed, covered in cuts and bruises and unconscious. You went to his bedside unsure of what to feel. Your heart swelled a little when you saw him, but you were also scared and hurt and confused and angry. You reached out a hand and brushed some hair out of his face, almost as a way to confirm his existence, to confirm he was actually there and you hadn't lost your mind.

As your fingertips made contact, your eyes dropped shut and your lip quivered. You retracted your hand and collapsed onto the floor as sobs tore through your body, your mind swirling with questions. How was he alive? Why did he tell them to call you of all people? Where has he been this whole time? How could he have faked his death? How could he have put you through that? How was he back?

After a while, the sobbing and tears subsided and a certain numbness took over you as the questions faded to be replaced with memories. Memories of Billy danced through your mind as you sat on the floor, cheeks streaked with the tears you hadn’t bothered to wipe away. Billy was your best friend and your first… everything really. First kiss, first love, first sexual partner, first heartbreak, first death of a loved one- or so you’d thought anyway, the first person you’d ever mourned and now, the first person you’d ever known to somehow return from the dead. Billy and you had what seemed like a complicated history, friends to lovers back to friends but he had been your person in every way. He was the one you went to about everything and you were his. His “death” had crushed you. But now, he was just someone you used to know.

You were brought back to reality by shifting in the bed before you and the sound of a sharp intake of breath. You glanced up and saw Billy looking at you, his face twisted in pain and his casted hand holding his ribs. He had clearly tried to sit up on his own. You stood and pushed him back down. With one hand still on his chest, you reached for the button to call the nurse. As you did you felt his unharmed hand cover yours and you froze. You could feel him looking at you but you couldn't get yourself to look back. You heard the doorknob rattle and you pulled away from him, wiping your face on your sleeve and turned to see the same nurse as before entering the room. You gave her a quick, tight smile and sat in one of the chairs near the bed. Over the next several minutes as the nurse checked in with Billy you sat numbly. You saw Billy glance your way once or twice but you paid no attention. You just zoned out. When the nurse turned to leave you shot her another quick smile.

Once the door closed behind her, you saw Billy open his mouth to speak up you held up a hand to stop him. The two of you sat in silence for a long while as you wrestled with your emotions. Your heart telling you to go to him, be happy he’s back and love him, your mind telling you to scream, yell, chew him out because how very dare he hurt you like that? and your body was telling you to just break down again.

After a long while, choosing your words very carefully, you said, “did you have a good reason?”

Billy gulped, knowing exactly what you were referring to “yeah, love. but I-” you held up a hand again and he stopped again instantly

“I am so pissed at you right now. I can’t-” you took a deep breath “I accept that you had a reason but I lost my best friend, my-” you paused “I lost everything when I lost you and now you’re here. And I’m so fucking angry but also… you’re here. You’re actually fucking here and shit… I’m so mad at you. How fucking dare you”

Billy was silent, staring at his lap

You sat in silence again. Both unsure of what to say or do or feel. Both aching for each other, having missed the other dearly. As upset as you were, Billy was actually here. He was right there, just a few steps away and you just couldn’t help yourself. You stood and his head whipped toward you. You went to his bedside and gestured for him to scooch over, which he did with a puzzled look on his face, and you lay on your side next to him, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I missed you” you whispered as you gently played with his fingers on his non-injured hand.

Billy leaned over, placed a kiss on your forehead, and said “I missed you too, love”

Before long you had both dozed off and you slept more peacefully than you had in a long while. Since Billy’s death actually, but you couldn't bring yourself to remember that just yet.

After a while, you weren’t sure exactly how long, you were woken up by Billy poking at your forehead and whispering your name. You batted his hand away and glared at him

“What?”

“I need to wee and you’re on me”

You sighed, swung your legs over the side of the small bed and sat up. You stretched and stood. Ben groaned behind you and you turned to find him struggling to sit up as he had before and once again you went to him but this time you helped him up. As he went about his business you decided to head to the nurses station for a stretch and to see if the nurse you’d spoken to before was still here. She was and for that, you were grateful as you had some questions.

You spoke to her about Billy and his injuries and care. She said he seemed to be doing well when she saw him earlier, that his injuries were not too extensive and the surgery for the internal bleeding was as minimally invasive as was possible and that while he would be good to leave the hospital very soon (tomorrow or the day after depending on her next check-in with him) he would need to be released into someone else’s care to keep an eye on his recovery and so on. Then she said,

“I assume that would be you”

“Me?”

“You”

You gulped and took a form she was holding out to you. Taking care of Billy... Living with Billy through his healing process… as much as you’d missed him and as much as your heart ached for him you were so afraid he’d leave again. What if he used your help then bailed? No, not Billy. You told yourself. Yes he left before but he’s not a user and he said he had a good reason for what he did, and because it was Billy, you believed him.

“You’ll both need to sign it agreeing that he is in your care for the hospital to feel good about letting him leave this early but of course we can’t make you guys sign it or technically make him stay”

You nodded “I’ll talk to him” and you started to drift off to his room still staring at the form

“I’ll be in shortly before the end of my shift and again tomorrow morning”

You nodded again even though you were nearly at his door already and it was unlikely she could see such a subtle movement of your head from there.

You stepped back into his room and found him back in bed.

“What’s that?” he asked pointing at the paper in your hand

“A form” you said still lost in thought and drifting toward his bed. When you got close enough he reached out and snatched it from your hands.

“Release form?” He questioned his eyebrows scrunching together “I, the undersigned, agree to be released into the care of..” he stopped reading and looked at you “what is this?”

“They think you’ll be all ready to leave the hospital possibly as soon as tomorrow providing you have someone to keep track of you, which they assume will be me”

“Well, yeah. why wouldn’t it be you?”

You opened your mouth to speak but couldn’t find the words to express everything going on in your head.

Billy set the form down and reach out to you with both hands. You took his hands in yours and he pulled a bit so you tipped onto the bed and he pulled you into a tight hug. “I’ll explain everything, where I was, what happened to me, why I-" he paused "everything. I promise. But not here, not now. I fucked up by not telling you about all this as it happened and I’ve regretted it every day since”

You pulled away from him and grabbed the - now slightly crumpled- form from where he’d placed it on his lap and left the room. Billy watched as you left, confused and scared but then you swept back into the room, with a pen in hand and you signed the form. You handed Billy the form and the pen and said, “I’ve gotta go home, see you tomorrow” and you left again leaving Billy in a bit of a daze.

When you got back to the small place you called home, you got nervous. Billy had been your best, well… everything for so many years, he’d seen you at your worst and your best and he’d seen your home in greater disarray than it was now and yet you were nervous about him seeing your life like this. So you cleaned and tidied until you couldn’t think of anything else to dust or move and when you finally went to bed that night you dreamt of Billy. A mix of fact and fiction intertwined in your brain as you slept fitfully. Happy turned to sad, sad turned to confusing and confusing turned to scary until you awoke with a jolt.

witing tag list: @transeliot @sarah0687

want to be added or removed from my writing tag list? just let me know :)

#kallan writes #ben hardy #6 underground #billy/four x reader #x reader #x you #billy #four #billy/four #multi part fic #hurt/comfort #borhap boys #gender neutral y/n #gender neutral reader #four/billy #multi chapter #ben hardy fic #just someone you used to know

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eveningstar1516 · 3 years

Text

Rise of the Demon King ~ Chapter 5

Rise of the Demon King

Fic: Multi Chapter Paring: MC x Everyone (Mostly Lucifer) Type: Angst with a Happy Ending Total Word Count: 26,758 TW: Major Character Death, Reader gets stabbed with a sword through their chest so…, Abusive Parents, Past Child Abuse, Demon Hunters, Loss of Control Summary: You’ve done it. You’ve finally done it. You’ve managed to anger the demon king. Now you hold your head high as he hands down your sentence. AO3 Portal: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065362

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Previously:

Lucifer looked into my eyes muttering something in angelic before whispering, “I’m sorry…”

With tears burning his eyes he buried the sword deep into my heart.

“Thank you”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHAPTER 5 - Oblivion (1618 words)

“Y/N? Wake up Y/N”

Someone’s calling my name?

“Y/N, please wake up”

I awoke in a daze hearing a soft female voice calling out to me.

“Y/N, can you hear me?”

Slowly blinking awake, I realized that I was floating in some dark void. Upon looking around, I found the source of the voice. A young woman with long strawberry blonde hair and violet eyes was looking at me. Her white and purple dress was flowing freely around her. Her hair framed her face just right with a small leaf hair clip finishing her look. She spoke out again.

“Y/N, can you hear me?”

“Who are you?”

“Oh, thank goodness you can. Y/N, I am Lilith. Do you remember how you got here?”

I looked down at myself realizing that there is a gaping hole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be. Memories of the trial came flooding back to me.

“I-I was on trial. The king didn’t like the idea of me having pacts with all your brothers, so he ordered that I be killed. He, he tried to make Lucifer do it but he refused to kill me. I remember ordering your brothers not to interfere and to obey Lord Diavolo above the king, then I ordered Lucifer to kill me with his sword. He whispered something in angelic then killed me. I thanked him then nothing. It didn’t even hurt when he killed me, I just fell asleep.” Hugging myself as I remembered what happened, what I assume to be not 30 minutes ago. Lilith moved to wrap her arms around me.

“Shh, it’s alright now. When Big Brother killed you, he probably used his holy sword, that’s why you didn't feel anything, but if he did, you should have returned to Oblivion. Do you know what that is?”

Nodding my head, I recalled my Devildom history class. Oblivion was the start of the universe. All living beings were created from oblivion. Oblivion is the purple aura that surrounds someone when they perform a spell. It is the stuff used to manifest something via spell or curse. If harnessed right, it can also be used as an energy source.

“Big Brother probably muttered a protection spell which is why you are here instead of non-existent.”

“Where is here?” I asked while slowly releasing her from the hug.

“This place has no name, although I like to call it the void. In reality, that is all this place really is. It is where souls end up should they not have a final destination but don’t return to Oblivion. This only happens in special cases. It is the reason I have been able to watch over you and my elder brothers. This is where things get complicated. You were not meant to die yet and I didn’t have enough power to save you this time. You now have to make a choice, no matter what you pick, you cannot change the fact that you died, there is no cheating death a second time. I can make you a demon and send you to the Devildom, I can re-incarnate you into a new-born human although you will lose your memories, or I can send you to the Celestial Realm as a seraph. It’s your choice.”

“There is no way I would give up my memories of your brothers and the time I spent in the Devildom, and as much as I would love to return to the Devildom, there is no way I am going to serve that tyrant calling himself “King”. I also really don’t want to serve the other tyrant that has the audacity to call himself “Father”” Sighing I cradled my head in my hands weighing my two options. On one hand, I can return to the brothers and the one I love, but I will have to serve King Abandon and that’s if he doesn’t decide to kill me again as soon as he lays eyes on me. On the other hand, I could go to the Celestial Realm and hide out with Simeon and Luke, but I would have to bow down to their Father so as to not risk banishment from the Celestial realm, and that’s if he doesn’t cast me out on the spot, unless…

“I pick the Celestial Realm. As much as I dread serving Father, it’s my best option of seeing the brothers again.”

“Y/N, are you sure? I will be using up the last of my power, there is no going back after this.”

“I’m sure.”

“Alright.” Lilith took my hand and started chanting in angelic. A golden aura surrounded her as strings of light flowed out of her and into my chest and back, closing my wound and forming 6 pure white wings on my back. My clothing transformed into white and pastel blue garments. A small halo appeared over my head. I saw Lilith beam at me and say something although I couldn’t make out what she said as the darkness claimed me once more.

~In the Devildom~

(Lucifers POV)

Tears threatened to spill over as I carried out Y/N’s order. Why? Why did they make me do it?! They could have ordered me to pick them up and fly them away, I would have done it before the order even left their mouth. There is no way I could send them back into Oblivion. Without thinking, I drew the sword I swore I would never draw again. My Father had dubbed it “Starburst”, my holy sword. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it after the fall, and now I’m glad I didn’t. I heard gasps from the crowd as I summoned the sword, the only demons having seen it were my brothers as well as Lord Diavolo and Barbatos. I fought against Y/N’s order long enough to mutter a small prayer for their soul, hoping that wherever Lilith was, she would hear and understand that I needed her help. Unable to fight the order any longer, I took one last look into their eyes and thrust the sword straight through their heart, my brothers screaming in the background. Holding Y/N’s body a little longer than normal, I heard their last words, “thank you”, then nothing. Y/N was gone, and I was the one who killed them. I didn’t have time to think about it as I felt a searing pain on the back of my left hand, turning over to face my brothers, I saw them each clutching a part of their bodies as we all felt the pact we each held with Y/N shatter. I gently laid down Y/N’s body and got up moving off stage before my tears spilled over signalling my brothers to do the same. Not acknowledging the king, we all turned and left, Diavolo and Barbatos following close behind. Asmo’s crying was all we heard as we walked towards the House of Lamentation, none of us wanting to be anywhere near the king. Upon entering, we all went our separate ways. Levi immediately retreated towards his room, the twins went to theirs. Satan went to the library. Asmo and Mammon both went into the direction of Y/N’s old room while Diavolo, Barbatos and I headed to my secret study. Now alone, I let it all out, my pride worthless now.

“It’s not your fault-”

“Isn’t it Dia?! I was the one that killed them! I wasn’t strong enough to fight them and now they're gone!”

“I noticed you muttering something before, you know. What was it?”

“It was a prayer to Lilith. I know she’s watching over us. I can only hope that she heard it and will help Y/N. I didn’t send them into Oblivion as he ordered but to where she is. That was all I was able to do.” Tears now streamed down my face clear as day as I leaned back into my chair looking up at the ceiling at the thought of my only sister and Y/N who has grown to be someone I would even call my lover. Barbatos put his hand on my shoulder to try and ground me.

“What now?”

“I don’t know Barb, I really don’t. My Father has control of the Devildom and now with Y/N gone, it will be a lot harder to continue with any of our plans. On the plus side, thanks to Y/N’s order, my word outranks my Father’s when it comes to you 7.”

“But the pact is gone. There’s no way any of their orders are still in play, right?”

“No, it is still very much there. I can still feel the lingering effects of an order. If it weren’t, we would have attacked the king as soon as the pact broke but Y/N ordered us not to interfere with the trial.”

We sat in silence, none of us wanting to break it, until Diavolo’s DDD pinged with a text alerting him and Barbatos back to the castle.

As they were leaving Diavolo pulled me in for a tight hug.

“I’ll make this right. I promise.”

Letting go, both demons left for the palace as I went to my room. Shedding my clothes, I bypassed pyjamas and laid in bed. Tears ran down my face as I thought about Y/N and all the precious memories we had made together. I rolled over and realized they left their Little D No.1 plushie here from their last sleepover. Clutching it, their scent strong on the plushie, I drifted off to sleep, hugging the Little D in my arms wishing it was Y/N instead.

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senju-sekhmet · 3 years

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The Leash (Part 9)

Summary: Your rescue was supposed to be as smooth as these missions can be. However very quickly, Tobirama faces off against an enemy that has no form, color or smell - and time is running short, very fast. Unless he figures out what truly holds you hostage, your life will be lost. Warnings (for the finished work): Blood, illness, descriptions of heavy injuries and graphic violence, torture (both depicted and implied), needles, morally grey territory, human experimentation, panic attacks, character death, angst with a happy ending ~6000 words (this chapter, finished work: 80.000) Previous: Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; Part 4; Part 5; Part 6; Part 7; Part 8 Read on AO3! Disclaimer below the cut! more updates. is it really a disclaimer still, i wonder lmao

DISCLAIMER! we are nearing the grand finale of this fic!! please stick until the very end okay?! i know this chapter might be a little bit of a drag - it’ll get better, promise. <3 Other than that: enjoy my very self indulgent work, filled with my own headcanons and angst galore. Let me know what you think and thank you so much for reading!!!! ________ Leaving you had been a real test of will. Not only were you in such a deplorable state overall, but also your request - it was quite obvious you were putting on a brave face, but the truth of the matter was you weren’t faring well, at all. It was the little signs that gave you away - the slight tremor in your voice sometimes. The gallows humour. He didn’t want to think about what the withdrawal had been like for you. But he could well imagine. And as per usual, he was helpless except to unravel how to produce more of this damned leash. He couldn’t even heal you or alleviate some of your exhaustion at this point.

By the time he had reached the laboratory he was frustrated beyond measure, sick from guilt and his heart was aching that if he didn’t know better, he might as well think he was sick. He wasn’t, of course. But eliciting such bodily responses due to his emotional state was something entirely foreign to Tobirama. He was - always had been - subject to his moods, sure. And the people around him would know his sour moods, especially. But would he carelessly act on them, or physically feel them like this? No. Luckily it was the middle of the night and there had been nobody around to witness the somber scowl he was wearing. Not that he cared, anyway.

In the grand scheme of things, that was the least of his concerns.

He had contemplated testing his newest result on another prisoner, but ultimately decided against it. The best he could hope for was a prolonged time of muting the victim’s chakra. What he really needed to start working on now was to weave the second component in, the disruption. And since he had four vials available, that offered a variety of options. He’d leave one untouched, to be safe - and work on one for now to start with that.

The first problem was to imagine how he’d want the disruption to kick in. He knew from examining your blood and also the reaction you’ve shown that it took some time for the disruption to kick in. He had deduced it must be because of the chakra muting component - it covered the disruption up to leave a timeframe in which a victim was not threatened by it. When it faded, only the disruption remained, the lethal withdrawal kicked in. Therefore, the chakra needed for this would need to last longer, adhere to the victim almost like a brand and be intense enough to cause these effects. He did have a vague idea how to achieve this - but to compress it into such a small vial was… daunting.

What’s new, he somberly figured to himself.

And just as he imagined, this proved to be even more complicated than weaving the first component in. Not only did he have to treat delicately, but also be extremely careful to not destroy the structures he had worked so hard to get into that vial in the first place. He didn’t quite succeed in that - partly, the muting component took damage. The whole process felt as though he needed to weave chakra inbetween what was already in the vial - as if he was transplanting it onto the already delicate structure he had created. It was endlessly frustrating. Frankly everything about this was so demanding, at times he wondered if there really was no other option to get a cure.

Like torturing the prisoners to a maximum.

The more time he spent threading the more he became convinced there must be some trick to it. That, or it required an intense amount of training. If it was the latter, then he’d be facing a new problem.

He’d deal with that when it came to it. His plate was full as it was.

Once he got a hang of how to weave it in without wrecking the delicate structure of the first pattern, his gaze swept to the clock. It was long past midnight. Time for a small break. As much as he hated it, he didn’t want to use his clones yet again - he needed to figure this out more, firstly. If he had no real idea where to truly go with this, his clones’ works would just ramp up more exhaustion. More he needed to sleep off. Besides, this would not be so much of a break - though you were stable, he simply didn’t like the thought of leaving you alone. Not after your request - not after seeing you in your frightfully weak state. He had to check on you, as he promised.

He teleported back into your dimly lit room. Briefly, he gazed out of the window - the sky was clear, the moon shone bright and there were a million stars alongside it. It was beautiful. Silently, he walked to your bedside again to find you had your eyes closed. Finally - finally your face seemed peaceful. Gaunt, for sure, but not in pain. Tobirama settled down into his chair and laid his hand on yours, as lightly as he could to not wake you up. Very slowly he let his chakra skim over your network to find it dormant as well, pleased you still were asleep. Equally slow, he increased the connection to examine you as softly as possible. As usual, the injuries, microscopic tears, tissue damages and healing bits were too numerous to count. And there also was the general lack of reserves overall - a result from the strain put on you by the stretching of the interval no doubt. Even so, your cardiovascular situation was superior and no organ showed any sign of dysfunction. A pleasant surprise - compared to before, you were doing even better. Seems that aside from the exhaustion you had recovered well from their first stunt. He withdrew quickly before you could notice his presence and leaned back in his chair.

Had they gone by their normal schedule, you’d be left with four and a half days now. And Tobirama hadn’t even yet produced something that was anywhere near the leash. For all the grief it had put you through, it was a small victory. Admitting this felt wrong, though - despicable. It was the method. And he wasn’t sure how much time they’d gain from this, overall. His medical expertise wasn’t comparable to his brother’s, but he didn’t think you’d keep up lengthier intervals. Maybe if you’d been in peak physical condition.

He groaned slowly, rubbing a hand over his face.

Part of him didn't want to think anymore, now. He felt stretched out, thin. Spent. But of course, his mind wouldn't stop.

He vividly remembered the first time you went into withdrawal. The torment you had been going through. Just because you hadn’t been writhing or screaming now didn’t mean it was more bearable - no. You had been sedated this time. Tobirama was quite sure the whole procedure was hell for you, nonetheless, and all that kept you together was your unbreakable will to live.

If that ever faltered…

An ice-cold shiver ran down his spine. He closed his eyes. Already his heart pumped painfully against his ribcage, he had expected it. The all too familiar ache, the grief. The guilt.

I’ll take care of you. I’ll protect you.

It was all he could do. Though he caustically surmised, so far he had done a less than stellar job.

He returned to the lab as soon as his concentration felt up to the maddening task yet again. Having seen you again quite possibly helped a great deal to spur him on again despite the hour and how daunting it all felt - he just had to produce some kind of breakthrough now. He knew it. He could feel it. This is the way. He didn’t allow himself another break from the delicate weaving process until finally he inspected a vial containing both components now. Using his sensory skills he sent a weak, short-range chakra pulse through it.

The substance was not like the leash, no. If the leash was shining like a beacon, his copy was a torch, at least. It was progress, compared to the last time. He silently wondered if adding the second component had done this. Then came the next test - examining it directly. Again, the result was that his vial seemed inferior: while the chakra swirled in it in a quite complicated pattern, finely woven, he did distinguish the two different components after a little bit. The liquid made it difficult as it stayed ever in motion, but it was as though he was seeing two different colors.

It was a step forward, at least. He’d be testing this soon. Based on that - and the test subject’s blood work - he’d draw new conclusions. Still, there was more time to work on this vial further. The weaving itself was becoming something of a craft - with each moment he’d learn new tricks to it. A taxing one that seemed entirely focused on details, tiniest nudges and using small amounts of chakra at a time, but a craft nonetheless.

Had he not been so pressed for time, he might’ve actually found it interesting. But right now, all he felt was your torment breathing down his neck, wrenching his heart around and stealing his breath.

He wanted this over with.

It was early morning when he finished his work - not that he’d call it that, but he decided there was more merit to testing it out now. Even so, he’d check up on you again first. The world lurched with the use of his hiraishin seal, and a moment later he was in your room.

The first rays of dawn filtered in already, drenching the wooden hospital furniture in red hues once more. Low rustles were coming from your bed. Tobirama stepped over swiftly to find you stirring under the sheet irregularly, your head tilting from side to side. Briefly, he wondered if you were having a nightmare - but your eyes were open.

And recognizing him. “Tobirama,” you breathed, surprised.

“What’s wrong, Y/n?”, he inquired, wasting no time to step closer even, the worry already growing.

“Just … trying to get more comfortable,” you whispered, attempting a weak smile. “Looks like my strength returned a little bit more.”

He frowned slightly. “Don’t force it.” He couldn’t have prevented the sternness from seeping into his voice if he wanted to.

You sighed. “No,” a light shake of your head, “Just help me get on my side. Please?”, you extended your left hand for him to take, which he did with a small sigh. At least that way you wouldn’t try to do it yourself. And while he was extremely adamant, as Hashirama had eloquently put it, about your rest, it still tormented him to see you lacked the strength to turn on your side by yourself. Of course he knew it was common for patients in your condition - but this was you. He placed his right hand around where your hip and the small of your back would be under the blanket after his left had grasped your hand and pulled you towards him very slowly and gently so you tilted onto your side. You groaned a little, but sighed once you had adjusted to your new position.

“Thank you,” you hushed, meekly almost. The lack of strength was just as obvious to you. Tobirama took his seat at your side again and shook his head dismissively.

“Of course.” He still frowned, though. “How are you feeling?”

You closed your eyes and sighed again. “It’s… starting again. I can feel it. I’m feeling dizzy and… weaker.” Your voice shook from a slight tremble. Fear, Tobirama concluded.

He clenched his teeth and breathed through the tight feeling in his chest. “Y/n, we don’t need to stretch the interval as much-,”

“No,” you interjected firmly, eyes snapping open, giving him a sharp look. “We do. You know it. I know it.”

Now was Tobirama’s turn to close his eyes. “I don’t want you to suffer,” he whispered, his baritone voice near breaking again just from uttering these words and yet firm all the same. The tight feeling became worse

“I know,” you replied, haunted. “I know.” Your gaze was sorrowful. Knowing. Tobirama leaned forward to grasp your hand again and enclose it in his, letting his chakra coat your networks in the familiar, warm way. He didn’t know what else to do for your comfort. “Thank you,” you muttered again, forming yet another weak smile.

His head hung low as he simply basked in feeling you like this. The small nudge you were giving his sensitive network made him gasp slightly.

The moment was interrupted by the door swinging open. Tobirama’s head shot up to find his brother standing in the doorway. Looking more rested than he himself did, most likely. When he had reapplied his face paint after washing himself, there definitely had been dark rings under his eyes.

“Good morning,” Hashirama announced warmly, rounding the bed to stand beside Tobirama when he realised you were on your right side. “How are you?”

As you explained your condition to him, Tobirama gently grazed over your chakra network once more before drawing back slowly to free your hand. He’d be on his way soon, anyway.

Hashirama nodded. “Very well. I singled out a few medications that should help us stabilize you, as I mentioned. It’d be best to take them while you’re still, ah, responsive.”

“You mean when I’m not spitting it back at you?”, you deadpanned. Tobirama near froze at the image. All he could think of was how his hand had forced your mouth open, then poured the torture drug in and forcefully constricted your airway to make you swallow it.

Hashirama cleared his throat. “Well, you haven’t managed that so far.” Tobirama snorted in quite a cynical way then, earning him an arched eyebrow from you. Hashirama shot each of you a meaningful glance before continuing slowly. “Still..., it might be necessary to draw additional seals to release the medications transdermally.”

Tobirama’s head whipped to the side to stare at his brother. “That will aggravate the overload.”

Hashirama held up his hands defensively already. “The seals I have in mind for this purpose only add very, very little of the user’s chakra to the patient.” Tobirama wasn’t quite convinced yet as his scowl indicated. But then forcing things down your throat wasn’t gentle, either.

“And we’re also going to modify your nutrition, accommodating for the duress you find yourself in,” he added softly, but no less serious.

That made you snort now, but in a disgusted way. “Oh, I know what that’s going to taste like.” Every shinobi in the field on long missions knew that, in fact.

Tobirama wasn’t having any of it though. Already, he became riled up. “Y/n, we're not going to discuss-”

“I know, I know,” you already deflected exasperatedly, waving your free hand to calm him down. He leaned back in his chair then and crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow.

“Alright. Now that that’s out of the way,” Hashirama sighed, stepping closer to you. “May I?”, he extended his hand to take yours.

That was Tobirama’s clue. He wasn’t of any use here right now. He leaned closer to you yet again, expression mellowing. “I’ll be back soon, Y/n,” he promised for the lack of a better phrase. Anything else - anything mundane like ‘take care’ - just seemed wrong at this point. You nodded, trying another brave smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. Tobirama hoped his did.

He left the hospital to head straight for the interrogation and information headquarters, then, after having picked up his latest experiment with him.

It was already bustling with activity despite the early hour. Perhaps another mission finished. He didn’t dwell on it, really. Instead he headed to where he knew to find Ikuro; nodding towards the few familiar faces he made out. Apparently news about his task had made the round since nobody stopped him on his was through the small corridors past various offices. For a group that was euphemistically described as ‘interrogators’, everything seemed awfully quiet here. The walls must be thick.

Ikuro indeed was behind the desk in the sparsely decorated office that adjourned the cell block holding the six prisoners. He greeted Tobirama with the oddly warm smile and a nod. “Back again,” his voice was quiet, deceptively soft.

“Back again.” Tobirama repeated, raising an eyebrow. Exchanging pleasantries was something he really had no time for - given his - your - predicament. Any waste of time felt like a crime at this point. And then again, he never liked chitchat much. “Any news?”

Ikuro shook his head. “Not regarding your problem, I’m afraid, given we know Zenji is the only one to interrogate about that. I take it you made progress, however.”

That was unsurprising. Despite all that happened, it had only been a day. A single day. “Something to test out, yes.”

Ikuro’s smile spread slightly. Tobirama wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but quickly decided he didn’t care enough to form an opinion just yet. “There is one question though,” his smile faded. Tobirama frowned. “Now that we know Zenji is the only one who knows how to make the leash, do you want to use it on him again? I know we did the last time, however, if we permanently injure him…” He trailed off, but Tobirama well caught the implication.

He crossed his arms then. A fair point that he hadn’t considered yet. Since there were six prisoners in total, he had more than enough test subjects to choose from. But picking Zenji had the additional possible merit of gleaning more information about the leash during the interrogation, at the cost of, well, risking him. It all boiled down to whether Tobirama was confident enough in his work to not harm a person permanently, or not.

He hated it. But, “The substance I brought with me today will be more aggressive than the one I used last time. So, no. Let’s pick someone else. If it works well, we’ll focus on him again.” He was set on giving that man hell until he gave up his secrets. Or Tobirama had figured it out himself. Either way.

Ikuro nodded then. “Alright. We’ll pay a visit to Kimi.” The smile was back again.

Tobirama instead scowled, his tone was dripping with sarcasm. “Why do I get the fleeting notion that is the loony one from the far end?”

Ikuro bellowed a sudden laugh that startled him, both eyebrows rising. He wouldn’t figure this man’s humour out, really. “You are as perceptive as they say, Tobirama.” Then he rose to full size and Tobirama followed with a sigh and a roll of his eyes. The walk down the cell block was accompanied by the well-known feeling of eyes on him. Not that Tobirama cared for those, either. Except for one pair.

Zenji’s. His scarlet eyes darted to the side when they passed the middle cell. Tobirama was satisfied to find his black-bruised jaw was swollen. The look the man gave him was nothing short of hateful. He never broke his stride and followed Ikuro, surprised Zenji didn’t holler anything after him. Perhaps the jaw just hurt too much, hm.

Finally they reached Kimi’s cell. Like all the others, she also was chained up and sealed away. Her gaze seemed empty, staring a hole into the ceiling. That would soon change, Tobirama knew. Ikuro unlocked the cell. “Kimi,” he greeted warmly, like she was a friend.

“Go fuck yourself,” she shot back instantly but perfectly nonchalant. Tobirama’s eyebrows shot up. So much for friends. Her blue eyes locked with Tobirama’s. “Oh,” suddenly, her tone was infused with a shrill kind of adoration. “A high visitor!” Tobirama had to refuse the urge to cover his ears. “Tell me, tell me,” she chanted, swinging back and forth in the chains that held her. “How’s Y/n, how is she? Mhm?”, she exposed surprisingly bright teeth in a grotesque smile.

Tobirama didn’t even find her worth talking to; he could only roll his eyes and sigh exasperatedly. Enemies like this he knew to take serious - erratic behaviour covered up some of the most impressive techniques. But this wasn’t a fight. And he wasn’t about to try and converse with the likes of her. Not even in a cynical banter. He gazed at Ikuro. “Shall we?”

Kimi moaned loudly. “Awh, come on!”, it was an obscenely wanton sound. “Gimme a shred, please, please, please? I’m missing Y/n so, so much!”

Tobirama started to wonder if he had to break another jaw here. The ire that started to burn in his veins again surely provided enough fuel. His head tilted forward slightly as his stare narrowed, darkening.

Ikuro was already next to Kimi, shaking his head. He must’ve guessed at Tobirama’s thoughts - not that his body language wasn't enough of a giveaway.

Kimi wasn’t helping her situation. “Tobirama Senju doesn’t find me worth talking tooo!”, she screamed then in a most offended way, loud enough for probably everyone in this building to hear. Not that she was wrong in any way. This woman would be better off without her vocal chords.

“Kimi,” Ikuro began, still sugary sweet. “You’re going to help us a little.” His hand seized the back of her head already, grasping her brown hair firmly.

She stiffened immediately, but the smile that spread over her lips now was nothing short of malicious. Typical, Tobirama figured - completely mad behaviour, but far from idiotic. “Oh.” It was a sharp sound. “My turn to get your itty-bitty-wannabe-leash?”

Tobirama’s mien remained completely impassive. “Are you going to open your mouth or are we going to have to force you, like your compatriot?”, entirely unfazed by threatening her with violence.

Not that she was fazed, either. And smart enough to know better than to put up a fight now. “I always wanted to taste the stuff, mhm,” she tried to nod her head, but Ikuro’s grip was iron already. “No need to break my jaw like dumb Zenji’s. Show me what y’got, Tobirama Senju, show me,” she then moaned again, lasciviously almost.

Tobirama’s lips drew into a disgusted scowl. “Good grief, how do you work with these people,” he scoffed. Ikuro was grinning widely. “I should’ve picked Zenji,” he added almost inaudibly. Kimi opened her mouth wide and stuck her tongue out, licking over her lower lip in distasteful ways. Still, he didn’t trust her for one second. And the contents of this vial were too precious for this maniac to spit back at him, which he was sure she would. His free hand seized her jaw tightly so that if she bit down, she’d seriously injure her cheeks. Kimi already spluttered. The moment Tobirama felt she wanted to speak more, he simply applied more pressure. He had enough of this nutcase.

Swiftly, he poured the contents of his vial into her mouth and in a well practiced move pressed down harshly on her nose and mouth to force her to swallow. Her eyes became glassy - luckily, he had been wise enough to keep her mouth shut, because he was perfectly sure she’d have licked his hand or done something equally disgusting had he not.

Not that much was needed. Obediently, she swallowed.

Followed by a shrill scream. Tobirama’s patience was a candle that burned on both ends at this point. He didn’t even put it past Kimi that this was precisely what she was aiming for but by all that he believed in, it worked. The woman let out a heavy tirade of sexually loaded metaphors about what she was seeing and feeling that might have turned a more innocent person bright red on the spot.

It elicited nothing but fast growing annoyance out of Tobirama, however. And Ikuro was grinning as he closed his eyes. He gave him a dark glare. The man had known, for sure. This better yielded good results. When he reached for her throat to examine her, his hand grasped so tightly Kimi’s voice got stuck in its tracks and all that remained was a small rivulet of obscenities at Ikuro, who had begun to invade her mind again. Squeaks, no more.

Much more bearable.

Now to examine her. He made no effort to be gentle about this whatsoever. Ikuro’s work was marvellous as before. Unsurprisingly, Kimi’s mental defense was nothing short of impressive. Perhaps Tobirama was imagining it, but Ikuro’s methods seemed different here - more brutal. More smothering. Akin to what he had done to Akio - less thought to the risk he was running. Was Ikuro himself fed up with her? The thought darkly amused Tobirama.

Kimi stayed completely stable throughout the whole procedure. Her chakra flow was almost as muted as yours was after indigestion of the leash, however it picked up again during the session. Tobirama had expected it, but with the additional experience in the whole weaving process, it gave him clues on how to improve on that. Briefly he stopped monitoring her to take a blood sample. Not an easy task as there was no patch of skin exposed save for her neck and head, so he had to go for the jugular artery as the veins would be collapsed. It bore a slight risk - but none that Tobirama even cared about. Unceremoniously he stabbed the needle in where he felt the pulse after having released his choke hold on her throat - an opportunity she used to gargle out profanities at both him and Ikuro, but the mental assault heavily impaired her ability to form coherent sentences. What was coherent by her standards anyway, Tobirama figured. After he had gotten what he needed from her neck, he continued to monitor her. The half-frozen state of her chakra remained steady for a while before it dropped more.

Ikuro began to retreat then, slowly.

“Wait,” Tobirama instructed. His presence lingered then, still keeping Kimi in a mental choking hold.

As her chakra became less and less mute, the disruption kicked in more. And with it, for the first time there seemed to be genuine distress in the prisoner, indicated not by crude insults, but a genuine groan of pain.

“Interesting,” Tobirama muttered, smugly, almost. Kimi whimpered while Tobirama took time to thoroughly investigate how her chakra tried to repel his disruption, over and over again - and each time, the reaction became worse for it, accompanied by a never ending stream of pained expressions. Watching the agony unfolding inside of her.

He felt no satisfaction, no. But he was pleased. A success, finally.

After a while of monitoring, he took another blood example. Ikuro was frowning now. “I’m not sure how much more she’ll take, mentally,” he announced.

“Well, physically, she’s well off. I won't say anything about her mental state, that has been debatable to begin with," Tobirama grunted. This was nothing compared to what you went through. The plight they ultimately had put you in.

Ikuro withdrew then, but Tobirama had to stay. After all, the disruption first had to fade at some point. He knew it would - this wasn’t the leash, yet . But it was the right way. Slowly, Kimi’s body started to clear out the disruptive components alongside her chakra - another fascinating realisation that was different to when he had examined you. In you, the leash stuck - no matter how much your unmuted chakra and body battled it, it just kept on disruption and repelling it, thus causing the detrimental health effects. But Kimi’s cleared Tobirama’s out.

He withdrew then. Ikuro raised an expectant eyebrow. “She will be fine,” Tobirama announced, turning on his heels to leave the cell. He had new material to work with.

Ikuro followed swiftly after locking the cell containing the now limp Kimi.

The glare Zenji gave Tobirama now was decidedly murderous. Tobirama grinned back, darkly. Arrogantly. Zenji might as well know he was on their heels. His threats have not been empty. He almost had passed the cell, when Zenji’s strained voice echoed through the cell block: “Four more days, Tobirama fucking Senju,” the pain was obvious. Good. Nobody had healed the fracture, then. “Don’t think for a second you’re anywhere near perfection yet! Y/n’s gonna die so fucking miserably!”

Tobirama kept on walking, ignoring the new flare of ire in his veins. The urge to turn on his heels and break his jaw in new ways. Hell, rearrange his damned face. No, Zenji was beneath him he kept telling himself as he ground his teeth so hard his own jaws hurt. Back in the office, Ikuro closed the door. “I’m impressed, Tobirama.” His gaze was appreciative. For a split second, he believed this to be about reigning his temper in and was about to reply in a most impolite way to such a condescending remark, but he quickly realised this was not the case.

“Thanks.” Try as he might, he couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of his voice. The praise for his work was hollow when he reminded himself why he was doing this - and that it was far from perfect yet. “I’ll be back soon. I trust you didn’t learn anything pertaining to my task?”, not that he thought so, but he had to ask anyway.

“Sadly, no. It was a fruitful session, especially considering it was Kimi, but it seems Zenji’s slip up was not a false lead. She really does not seem to know about the leash’s creation.” Then, he frowned. “But, she adamantly guarded anything relating to the leash. Perhaps there is more to glean from her.

Tobirama’s eyes narrowed to slits. “Well, then we know to build up more pressure.”

Ikuro nodded, surprisingly somber now. “Indeed. I’ll inform you if anything from the other prisoners might come up.”

Tobirama bowed slightly. “Thank you.” Ikuro was a good man to work with.

A second later, the world lurched and the hiraishin seal transported him back to your room, where the little victory he celebrated dissipated swiftly.

The mood was dreary - and the innate hum he felt due to his sensory skills had picked up from the last time. It could only mean one thing. By now it was high noon and the sun’s light reflected off of the room’s pale furniture. Hashirama’s back was turned to him but the blanket was pushed aside - revealing your marred legs. On them, more seals, which he couldn’t make out precisely at this distance. Instantly, Tobirama rounded your bed swiftly, to find Hashirama working on the heart seal. Still, he couldn’t help but gasp when he saw your whole form revealed like this: a shadow of your former self and almost no part of you that didn’t bear a barely healing mark of torture. It didn’t deter him from analysing the situation, but it’d never fail to drive a proverbial blade through his heart.

Your breaths were quick and shallow again and Tobirama was sure to hear a rumble in there. Not good. Your lung was affected. Combined with the fact your body definitely was paler than before and the sheen of sweat that covered your skin, the situation was obvious. You didn’t move - and in your face, the grimace of pain was etched into your skin.

It was worse than before. And they hadn’t stretched the interval as much as before, yet.

Hashirama’s gaze swept up to him when he had finished what Tobirama guessed was strengthening the seal that supported your heart. His mien was grave. “We can’t wait much longer.” He gave Tobirama a quick rundown of what had happened: the withdrawal had kicked in again as before, but the symptoms developed faster, and more severe. As he had guessed, your lung was starting to suffer damage not just on the slight, microscopic level Tobirama had witnessed during the first stretch but in a greater margin. Your cardiovascular system required more support as your heart struggled, too. He still hadn’t intervened directly, yet.

Tobirama swallowed finally and nodded and nodded. Then, he looked down on your legs. Each bore another seal meant for transdermal release of the agents the seal in the middle was soaked in. “You drew more seals?” he inquired, terse again.

“We had to,” Hashirama explained, his hand back on your arm and his eyes closed. “Her lucid intervals are too short to ensure her taking the medication by herself. This is more effective and safer.”

“Safer?”, Tobirama shot back, sternly. “There are six seals on her now. Which means we barely have any room for additional chakra based options, if any, without overloading her.”

Hashirama clicked his tongue. “I am well aware, Tobirama,” a slight hint of strain had snuck into his voice now. But instead of angering him, it did the opposite - Tobirama realised how serious your condition was for his brother to even let a sliver of exasperation slip into his tone. And besides. He didn’t say any more.

All they were doing here - it was all dangerous. Too dangerous. They were running into dead ends, either way - be it the leash or the withdrawal of it. And to make you suffer, for a few precious hours? Tobirama swallowed hard against the shortness of breath that gripped this thorax tightly suddenly. “Anjia, I don’t think we should continue. Y/n is suffering and I -,” he swallowed again as his scarlet gaze swept to your face and the hurt in his heart was near unbearable again, “I cannot condone this.”

Hashirama’s eyes flew open and he gave Tobirama a deep frown. “She doesn’t want us to stop. So don’t.”

His gaze wandered to his brother, frowning himself now. “If she dies from the withdrawal, then it was pointless,” he nearly growled, voice stern again, if just to cover up for the gaping hole that the ache was boring into his chest in a most agonizing way.

“She’s not dying. Have more faith in me, Tobirama - and most importantly, her,” he gazed back at you then, voice becoming softer, fonder. Tobirama would never fail to be amazed by his brother’s optimism.

In a very sarcastic way.

“I’m not doubting you or her, anija,” and the sheer notion of him doing so did well enough to distract him from the terrible heartache simply for how furious it made him, “What I am doubting is what we’re up against - effects of something I haven’t fully understood yet or been able to recreate!”

Hashirama took a sharp breath. “On the other hand, we can evaluate her condition, react accordingly and adjust the figurative sails. We will not run a risk. You said so yourself. That, we do know.”

Tobirama looked back on your tormented form. Then he closed his eyes slowly. He hated it - he hated all of this - but he knew, deep down, he knew it - they’d need to continue down the path they had chosen. All of this - it would end soon. Either way. All he could do was to ensure it ended favourably, swiftly. And for as long as it lasted he’d need to remind himself of the promise he had made to you. No matter what. If Hashirama found your condition stable enough to continue - he’d trust him. He had no other choice but to.

“How much longer until the next dose?”, Tobirama asked then, the numb feeling spreading again. He welcomed it. The numbness muted all of the grief, of the ache. His focus returned.

“Not much. Might as well prepare it.” Hashirama instructed, politely refraining from commenting on Tobirama’s falter further.

He nodded and made for doing just that. Not twenty minutes later, they administered it - again, you were stirring from the force with which Tobirama had to pry your mouth open to pour the hated liquid in. The pained way in which you groaned echoed quietly in the sparsely furnitured room as he focused on not spilling a drop while gripping your jaw with vice strength again and holding it open. Uttering apologies he knew you couldn’t hear but he made nonetheless. After he made you swallow it you stilled again.

It had whatever brief respite - if it could’ve been called that - they had gained by stretching the intervals and thus making for more time null. Impressively, it had been shown you paid the price in proverbial blood and if it continued, literal blood might follow.

Tobirama’s only rest would be when he literally crashed, now.

#tobirama #tobirama senju #tobirama x reader #tobirama senju x reader #sekhmet writes

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cupcakemolotov · 3 years

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Wild Hunt

I think I promised @goldcaught a Klaroline Fae fic years ago. This one has been in the works for a while, let's not talk dates, but 2020 definitely slowed production down. I promise, the second half will not sit languishing in my WIP for too long! The biggest, most heartfelt thank you to Kiry, who has been both a cheerleader and a kick in the pants as needed to get this thing on track to being finished. Kiry doesn't sleep, but I can't complain too much, since they have kindly listened to me complain until the wee hours of the morning. (And also my girl @klarolinedrabbles who saw a super early version of this and was kind enough to be encouraging.)

Edit; And I failed to tag @kirythestitchwitch directly, but you know, today was a trip.

A couple of notes to avoid confusion:

Fae: A word used in this fic to generally reference a type of European mythological beings. Sean O'Connell: Cami O'Connell's Twin.

Synopsis: Killing Tyler Lockwood starts a chain of events that put Caroline exactly where she's always dreaded and longed to be: in the arms of Klaus Mikaelson.

Warnings: Alternate Universe; Alternate Universe - FaeAlternate; Universe - Soulmates; Fae!Caroline; hybrid!Klaus; Minor Character Death; Blood and Gore; Mild Gore; Implied/Referenced; Torture; Psychological Torture; Canon-Typical Violence; Compulsion; Blood and Injury; Blood Drinking

Hand pressed tightly against her side, Caroline took several careful breaths, her lungs burning and her pulse a steady thump in her ears. Her senses were hyper alert, magic straining to catch the faintest hint of a disturbance. All around her, humans slept soft and cozy in their beds, and the night had gone quite. As the silence continued to hold, she allowed herself to relax, letting the cold of the concrete at her spine cool her flushed and fever warm skin. For the moment, she was safe.

Reaching up, she rubbed her breastbone, lips curling into a small, pleased smile at the burn. Her father was angry. If she survived the night, that alone would make the pain of her injury worth it. Thankfully, the knife wound felt like it had finally stopped seeping, and her glamour would hide the blood. It was the iron poison that was going to cause her complications. The black spider web crawling up the line of her ribcage hadn’t made it close to her heart, she was her mother’s daughter too, but it weakened her all the same.

It left her in a magical disadvantage.

Grimacing as her phone buzzed silently in her pocket, she pressed a little further into the concrete behind her and looked around. There was nothing to suggest her cousins had been able to track her, though that was just a matter of time. Thankfully, even suffering from iron, she had enough control of her magic to hide the glow from her phone, though she didn’t quite dare to risk more.

Not yet.

Pulling it free from her pocket, she winced at the number of missed calls and quickly scanned the texts that had accumulated.

Bonnie (12:45 AM): Hello???

Bonnie (12:46 AM): You’re not dead.

Bonnie (12:46): Are you ignoring me?

Bonnie (1:10 AM): I swear, I’ll put Enzo on a plane. With the time differences, he’ll be there before dawn.

Bonnie (1:10 AM): Then you’ll have to listen to him complain about airplane food while he tries to kill people.

Bonnie (1:11 AM): I might do it anyway. I could use the alone time.

Wincing, because Bonnie Bennett did not bluff, she hurriedly tapped out a response.

Caroline (1:11 AM): I’m alive.

Bonnie (1:11 AM): What happened?

Caroline (1:11 AM): It was a trap.

Bonnie (1:11 AM): How bad?

Caroline: (1:12 AM): I’ve mostly stopped bleeding and Tyler is dead.

Very dead. She’d made sure of it. There was a lot someone like her father would do with a dead body, so she’d made a point to separate his head from his body so he couldn’t be resurrected. Baba Yaga spells were rare and costly, but if anyone could get their hands on one, it would be her father. It was why she’d then dumped her stash of holy water on the body and then carefully dusted him in iron shavings, rendering his body and his blood unusable.

The little dots below her conversation on her messenger app popped up and died several times, and Caroline closed her eyes, letting her head fall back as she waited for Bonnie’s response. She’d know that coming to Chicago was a risk, for a number of reasons, but even at her most pessimistic she wasn’t sure she could have guessed just what she’d find here.

What could possibly have led Tyler to be so desperate that he would trust her father? Tyler, who was one of the few people who knew the truth of her origin, who had hugged her when she’d said goodbye and told her he would always care about her. Tyler, whose blood she now wore beneath her nails, who had stabbed her with an iron knife and who had died with hate in eyes.

Her phone buzzed and she glanced down.

Bonnie (1:13 AM): Klaus is in Chicago.

Caroline stared at her phone, surprise and a shot of adrenaline leaving her momentarily breathless. Klaus. Here. In Chicago. The city where Bill had set up his most recent plots, where Tyler had attempted to betray everything that had once made him a good man. Sliding her teeth along her lip, she very carefully typed her reply, her fingers shaking.

Caroline (1:14 AM): You said he was in London for the next month. What changed?

Bonnie (1:15AM): I don’t know.

Bonnie (1:16 AM): Do you need an exit?

Bonnie (1:16 AM): He owes me.

Caroline was shaking her head even before she started typing. Being anywhere near Klaus was a terrible idea, and Bonnie knew that. That her friend would never make the offer unless she thought it necessary left dread sitting low in her stomach.

Caroline (1:16 AM): What’s got you spooked?

Bonnie (1:17 AM): Someone is blocking my scrying spells.

Caroline (1:17 AM): Bill?

Bonnie (1:17 AM): If we’re lucky. We both know what it means if we’re not.

Caroline’s fingers tightened on her phone case, her pulse loud in her ears. Bonnie was right. Very, very few things blocked her from seeing what she wanted to see. Bill could do it thanks to the blood bind but it wasn’t easy, and he never managed it for long periods of time. Grams probably could have done it. But the list of powerful witches who remained alive in the United States after the purging of New Orleans was short.

There was only one reason Bill would use the blood connection between them to block out any outside magic from interfering tonight. She hadn’t just pissed her father off, she’d actively disrupted his plans, and thanks to Bonnie’s magical brilliance, he couldn’t track her easily. But there was another way to drag her to a Fairy Court, and she would have to move very quickly to avoid it.

Baring her teeth in a mimicry of a smile, she gave herself a moment to feel a sharp burst of satisfaction. She had a list on her phone of her father’s potential means of retaliation, and Wild Hunt was right there at the top as the worst possible outcome, but it also meant Tyler must have been far more integral to his plans than she’d guessed. Even knowing that her chances of survival had just taken a serious dip, it did little to dim her pleasure. If she was very, very lucky her father’s precious Queen would feel the need to take out his failure on him directly.

A girl could hope.If she survived the night, she was going to find a fancy bottle of wine and pick up a cupcake. Maybe two cupcakes. She deserved the mini-celebration.

Caroline (1:20AM): I spotted half a dozen of my cousins tonight. I don’t know who holds their allegiance but it probably won’t matter. If Bill is super pissed, he’ll call them all.

Bonnie (1:21 AM): Fuck.

Bonnie (1:21 AM): If it goes bad, don’t be an idiot. Use Klaus.

Caroline (1:21 AM): No.

Caroline (1:22 AM): Favor or not, I killed his hybrid. He doesn’t strike me as forgiving.

Bonnie (1:22 AM): He’s not.

Bonnie (1:23 AM): You don’t have to tell him.

Caroline (1:23 AM): Uh huh. I’ll call you when I’m safe. 🤦😘❤️🏃

Shoving her phone back into her pocket, Caroline exhaled slowly at the bite that was her warning that her magic was nearly tapped dry. Giving herself another half-a-dozen heart beats to celebrate her first major victory, she turned her mind to her problem at hand.

Bonnie had good reason to be worried. It had been almost thirty years since the Queens had summoned a wild hunt to drag one of the half-Fae home for punishment. Bill had made a point to tell her in great details the torture that had awaited her cousin, the way the Queen had plucked his body and his mind apart for his treachery.

Caroline doubted she had become enough of a problem that the Queens would send the hunt, which meant that Bill would be expending a great deal of power to collect her. Her lips twisted, finger tapping silently against the side of her phone. Fae magic was powerful, and so was her father, but it could be circumvented. She needed to concentrate on that, put together her plan.

Pissing her father off twice in one night would normally be her highest priority, but instead what she wanted to think about was the message Bonnie had given her.

Klaus Mikaelson was in Chicago.

Anticipation was a tantalizing thrill in her veins. She’d hoped the truth of New Orleans would have helped her grow out of her strange obsession. Instead, it left her wanting to know more. It was a struggle, when all she had to do was text Bonnie and ask for a location. She could then finally indulge in the bone deep curiosity that had been part of her life for as long as she could remember. Maybe figure out the cause of her obsession with a monster she’d never met.

She might’ve, if only doing so tonight wouldn’t put everyone she cared about in danger.

Caroline slid her lip between her teeth, letting the small hurt ground her. If she thought her father hated her enough to call down a Wild Hunt now, exposing the Fae’s secrets to Klaus would make his rage burn even more bitterly. She’d honestly have done it years ago out of spite if such a move would only put her in the crosshairs of the courts, but it wouldn’t.

Bonnie and Enzo would also be marked.

The High Courts currently considered her rebellion to be a family matter, though one Bill was unable to control adequately. She could not risk a Queen deciding she was her enemy in truth, not yet. Not when she was so close to figuring out how to banish her father permanently to the otherside of the Veil.

She’d be thrilled to just killing him, but she long since accepted that might not be possible. Tyler had been right, when he’d called her a monster. When he’d called all of them monsters. He just hadn’t understood that for all of the terrible things in this world that there were worse fate’s hidden behind the veil in between the worlds, horrors lovingly encouraged in Underhill that could break a human mind merely with their existence.

Earth had pushed the Fae back with their iron and religion all those years ago, had sealed the veil with witch magic, and humanity considered themselves victorious. But the truth was all they had done was defer the fight for the territory the Fae claimed as theirs to own to a different day.

The Fae hadn’t forgotten humanity nor had they forgiven them for their defeat. Banished behind magic, the Fae watched and watched and hungered. They had waited for the time that they had truly passed into myth, until the world forgot how to defeat them with a dangerous patience. But the nature of the Fae was as capricious as it was violent, and not all agreed on waiting.

Some had altered their plans and plotted a different course of action.

The Great Experiment.

Caroline supposed she should be grateful for that impatience, it was the reason for her existence, but all she could muster just then was a familiar anger. For six hundred years, members of the High Courts had mingled their blood among humans, hoping to breed children with resistance to both iron and the religion, the tools that had locked them away from the world that had once been theirs. And their plan had produced some success, though not always how they had hoped.

She was one such success.

Elizabeth Forbes had never been comfortable with her half-Fae child, but she’d also refused to abandon her to a world filled with monsters. Instead, she’d taught her daughter the good and the bad of humanity, had shown her the world as it was and what it could be. Her father saw her as a tool, a means to an end. Her mother’s love had been gruff and uneasy, but she’d tried.

She would never, ever forget that.

Or forgive Bill for her death.

Caroline had defied her father and his magic, had pitted herself against his will as she vowed vengeance for killing the one thing she’d ever claimed as her own. Her mother.

Hunting Bill required care and a meticulous eye for detail, and a particular stubbornness she had in spades. His magic was more powerful than hers, but he had always underestimated his only child by Liz, brushed her off as not powerful or clever enough for his schemes. It’s been a deliberate decision of hers to hide what she was capable of, hoping that such a ploy would save her mother. Now, she used her magic against him with the same ruthlessness he had taught her as a child.

But she was just one half-breed among hundreds, and so she’d learned to be careful. She wasn’t even the most powerful of those born on this side of the veil and underhanded ambush tactics had always served her better than brute force. A disruption there, a few dozen murder’s here. Just enough to skew her father’s chessboard while she worked to uncover the truth of his plotting. The fewer of her cousins who were able to carry out the will of her father and his fellow full blooded Fae’s plots, the safer humanity was from a terrible strike.

But she couldn’t kill them all, though she’d certainly tried. Her family did not die easily, and magic lingered in places of terrible violence like fingerprints. Each kill was a risk that could lead to her death. Over the years, it’s become clear that if she wanted to destroy her fathers plots, she couldn’t do it alone. The tie that connected them, the thread that burned so clearly now in her chest with her father’s rage, meant that she’d never be truly safe from him. Blood ties were not easily broken.

But Caroline knew witches, so she’d returned home, to the place where the only people she trusted still lived. Tyler had already been gone by then, lost in his need for vengeance, but Bonnie had been there, lingering in the ashes of conquest almost as if she’d been waiting.

It was then that Caroline had learned that humanity's greatest monster had become its potential savior. That the true potential of Ester’s terrible offspring had finally been unlocked. Klaus Mikaelson had broken his curse.

Her fingers curled into her palms, the strange, bone-deep curiosity that ground her joints together every time she thought of his name a familiar sensation. Klaus had broken his strange Sun and Moon curse in the forest she knew so well, had cut a bloody path through everyone who tried to oppose him, and laid the foundations for the army of hybrids he was determined to build. His perfect army that feared neither sun nor death and were unnaturally loyal.

Hybrids that Bonnie had helped create.

Her best friend rarely spoke of the events that led to the creation of the hybrids, refusing to give Caroline even the smallest detail of how a hybrid was made. Even tucked away in her home in Maine twenty years later, hidden by both Fae and witch magic. Caroline might not have the hows involved, but she knew the whys.

It all circled back to Bill.

Liz hadn’t been the only causality of her father’s hunger for power, just the first in their small town. Murdering Sheila Bennett had been a mistake in that it had set Bonnie against Bill, but it fit the pattern Caroline was starting to see in her father’s plans. Liz had been human, but one whose family had been deeply entrenched in the supernatural for generations. Sheila Bennett had been powerful, but she’d been born of the witch line that had created the Otherside. Gram’s had made sure her death had cost Bill, but it hadn’t been enough to stop his plans as Tyler’s presence tonight had proven.

Sometimes, Caroline wondered why Bonnie didn’t hate her. Bill was a scourge that returned time and time again, because her blood allowed it. Maybe if she’d been stronger they’d have been able to protect their families. But what she couldn’t protect, she could avenge.

Bonnie had agreed to help. Had been working on her own plans for years. The first real foothold into Bill’s master plan had been with the Augustine Society. Bonnie had been watching them for months before Caroline’s return, humans who had relentlessly experimented on vampires. They’d staged a rescue for the vampire that had been imprisoned, and it had been Enzo who had known of Tyler.

Tyler who had been the first of Klaus’ successful hybrids, whose loyalty was a shaky thing despite whatever magic bound him to his maker. Her childhood sweetheart who yearned for freedom from the yolk he had chosen. It’d taken months to go through the society’s notes they’d managed to save, to dig into the texts they had been experimenting with.

They’d known so much but understood so little.

But one thing had become crystal clear.

Bill was trying to bring down the Veil. Not unexpected, as most of the Fae worked to destroy it. But Bill also worked to understand what had led to the banishment of the Fae, so he could break it better.

It had been humans, werewolves and witches who had originally created the veil, blocking the Fae Lords from returning in great numbers after their banishment, forcing them to squeeze through cracks when the veil between worlds was thin or use now defunct gates. When iron had slowly lost its grip on the world, they might have managed more but for Qetsiyah.

Bonnie’s ancestor had been clever. When she’d bound the otherside, trapping Amara in stone and Silas forever out of her reach, she’d sunk the power of those souls into the Veil between humanity and the Fae, creating a second anchor. An additional failsafe to guarantee that no Supernatural would be so foolish as to undo her work.

Witch. Vampire. Werewolf. Hybrid. When they died, they were shuffled into Qetsiyah’s chosen afterlife, and their souls protected humanity. Humans were spared that fate, but their very existence acted a detriment to the Fae, as it was humanity who embraced iron.

The fastest way to destroy the Veil would be to free Silas. For a while, she and Bonnie had worried that he would succeed. But no one knew where Qetsiyah had hidden Silas’ body, and for all of her father’s attempts to restart Silas’ little cult, he’d always failed. The last real surge in members had ended when they’d been slaughtered, setting her father back decades.

The only other way to destroy what Qetsiyah had put into place would be to destroy the Veil at the root. And while no one understood the magic that had cast out the Fae so many years ago, her father didn’t need to understand the magic of the Veil to break it. He just needed dominion over it. But that was no easy task. Humans and witches could be bribed or fooled. Werewolves hovered at the brink of extinction. But the children of Esther, the hybrids that now walked the earth, defied every master but one. And so her father gathered his pieces and worked to subjugate Klaus’ creations in secret.

Caroline had tried to save Tyler.

She’d tried to talk him out of the part that Bill needed him to play. He’d refused. And the betrayal had burned like acid in her gut.

It had been Tyler, who had helped her dig Elizabeth Forbes’ grave. Her friend who had given her his gloves when her palms started to bleed, had said nothing when her tears had made her clumsy. It had been Tyler who sat with her and Bonnie, listening as Grams told them of the dangers in the world after Caroline had announced she was leaving. But her friend had died long before Caroline had killed him.

She shivered in the wind.

She knew Klaus played his part in that. It was impossible not to. It had been because of Tyler that she’d ended up in New Orleans, after all. The whispers of the destruction of the city, of how entire witch lines had been lost to madness and death had not adequately captured the horror of it. She’d seen what Klaus had left behind: werewolf packs left in ruin, the survivors turned and bound to his will. Broken witches and terror ridden vampires.

But rarely death. Klaus was not so kind to let his true enemies escape him in such a way. Instead, his wake left behind living ghosts. At least in this, she had done her best by her old friend. Whatever had driven him, whatever horror he had witnessed that had turned him so fully against her, she hoped he could find peace from it now.

She wasn’t so sure she’d be so lucky. Klaus was a spector in her life that she didn’t know if she could escape. And tonight, she’d killed his first hybrid. She grimaced. Klaus would not take to that news kindly. Best if she was long gone when he learned of it.

She wondered if she could manage it. She already felt the pull in her chest, the need to see, to touch, burning through her. It has always been like this. When Grams had first mentioned his name all those years ago, she’d felt the smallest of pulls, a jolt of curiosity. A tug she couldn’t explain. And everytime she thought his name, every time she heard another whisper of the night terrors he created, the tug to search him out grew stronger.

She’d deliberately chosen to look for those horrors once, hoping the truth of his nature would terrify her into running away. Instead, the monster that she had cultivated since she was seventeen and covered in her mother’s blood had approved. The more she learned, the more she wanted to know.

It was why she’d helped Bonnie disappear. Whatever happened between her and Klaus, she was determined to protect her friends from the fall out of it. But she was not the only Fae who hunted for information about Klaus, and Bonnie Bennet had helped create his hybrids.

Her people would destroy Bonnie, if they learned that truth. That a witch from Qetsiyah’s line had once again worked great magic against them would light the fires of their impotent rage for a long, long time. As long as Klaus and his hybrids roamed the earth, it made their chances of winning a war that much harder.

Fae magic was powerful, but given forced limitations by the rules they had to follow. Klaus and his creations were bound by no such things. And they were swallowing the world.

It had been nearly five years since the first hint of a hybrid returning to the US since New Orleans had raced through the Supernatural community. Over the decades, the US communities had watched from a distance as Klaus had bent Europe to his will, his creations breaking across city after city like a wave, choking out any dissent in their paths.

London, Paris, Milan. They all fell at Klaus’ feet with little more than a whimper.

The first real sign of his return had been when he turned New Orleans into a witches' graveyard, and then his gaze had turned to Chicago. Her father was no fool, he had to have known that Klaus had made this city the seat of his power in the States. Bill was far too cunning to risk catching Klaus’ attention unless he had a plan, and not knowing the exact details of what that plan was worried her.

Though she could guess part of it.

A sharp whistle cut through the air, and Caroline’s gaze cut along the rigid angles and sharply jutting corners of the builders around her, but she maintained her hiding place. She had no intention of being flushed out of cover like a bird they intended to net but she needed to come up with a plan.

Glancing at her watch, she grimaced.

It was nearly two in the morning.

If her father had chosen to call a Wild Hunt, she had roughly sixty minutes until the witching hour of three A.M. struck, and the Hunt was let loose. The blood tie to her father might have eroded to the point that he could no longer use it to force her obedience, but they had never managed to break it entirely. Fae magic was tricky. Blood ties more so. Instead, Bonnie had done her best to cloud it, to thin the connection to a single, potent thread.

A Wild Hunt would cut through the witch magic hiding her and return her to her father. Caroline was certain the only reason Bill hadn’t tried to do such a thing before was because of the cost. Calling a Hunt took a great deal of personal power. She would only have one shot of slipping away, and the risk of being caught by her father’s soldiers was dangerously high.

Klaus was in Chicago.

Her fingers clenched, and Caroline put her phone away. She wouldn’t risk Bonnie or Enzo by going to Klaus, not yet. Not with Tyler’s blood fresh on her hands. But that didn’t mean she still couldn’t use his presence in the city to her advantage. In a game of half-breeds, it always came down to who was the better gambler.

Supernatural cities always had seedy vampire nightclubs and supernatural friendly bars littered throughout. When Klaus had taken over Chicago, he had commandeered several for his own use. But there was one club in particular that she’d pinned down as potentially being part of his stomping grounds; the number of bodies that were secretly removed from the club gave credence to her theory, though she supposed it could just be a place that attracted excess stupidity.

If she was going to have a chance tonight, she needed to go into that club and stay just long enough to let the scent of mingling supernaturals hide her trail so she could slip away undetected and find a place she could hide from the magic seeking her. If she was lucky, Klaus’ potential presence would act as a deterrent.

It was a risk.

Not only because she needed to keep her own blood-lust in check, but because she had never before let herself venture close enough to Klaus to risk catching a single glimpse of him. She was magically exhausted and wounded, the slow crawl of thirst thick in her throat, and her bones ached with the insistent need that made no logical sense.

She would have to be so very careful. Still, for now, her glamour was holding. Setting her teeth, Caroline turned and headed to the heartbeat of the city. Tonight, she’d find a way to live and tomorrow she’d call Bonnie and they’d work out a plan for her to escape. And she’d have to do it without indulging in a curiosity that had no name but was a pulse in her blood.

The rest is here: A03

(I’ll add the link to FFN once I get it posted.)

#my fic #klaroline #klaroline fanfic

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 4 years

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Useless warning pt. 1|2 [Sirius Black x Reader] - Challenge

Title: Useless warning pt. 1 ➔ Useless warning pt. 2, Here! Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader Word count: 3.9k Published: 29 July, 2020 Warnings: Angst Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: I wrote this for Amelia's Writing Challenge [ @hufflefluff-writer ], where I had to use the the below prompt, however I kind of ran away with the storyline and instead of a one shot it became a multiple part story. I think my mind just went rogue with this one, don't judge me :D - I would also like to state thatt I have nothing against Marlene. I just needed her to be in a negative spotlight for the story.

"I told you not to fall in love with me!"

I also added the song that inspired my mood at the end of the fic

Summary: Sirius is one of your best friends who happens to be dating Marlene. She isn’t particularly a good friend of yours, but you do get along. She agrees to go out with Sirius, all the while she is aware of your feelings. Things get complicated as you are unable to keep your feelings to yourself anymore.

Challenge: [x] [x]

Harry Potter Characters Masterlist | Masterlists

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

You were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, resting your head on Remus' shoulder. Deep sighs left your lungs every few seconds, gazing at Sirius trying to steal a kiss from Marlene. It was hard to watch him giving his undivided attention to someone else.

You have been in love with him for a year or so. It was inevitable. Even when you became friends, years ago, you already thought he was handsome, but the years just helped him to look even more attractive. He has jokingly warned you in the past numerous times not to ever fall in love with him. He knew the kind of person he was. He changed girls more often than he changed his cloths. You tried to obey his request, but years of being his best friend, getting to know him more than he knew himself, turned your feelings around.

You sighed once again as you watched him placing his palm behind Marlene's neck, pulling her into a passionate kiss. That strong grip around your aching heart has become a daily occurring. As scary as it was, you kind of adapted to the pain their pair caused you. Even though Sirius was a player, his relationship with Marlene has been ongoing for the past three months, confirming what you have been afraid of the most. You knew he wasn't far from falling for Marlene. She was stunning with a good brain and funny comments. She was undeniably one of the most popular girls of Hogwarts, making you feel utterly defeated.

You exhaled deeply at the thought of watching them for the next year before you finally left Hogwarts. You wanted nothing more than to leave them and jump into whatever your future brought to you.

"Are you okay?" Remus whispered above you.

"Yeah..." You replied weakly.

"You have been sighing an unusual amount of times." He said and you knew very well that you looked like a love-sick puppy.

"I only have to survive a year." You turned your head upwards to be able to look at his face. His eyes were attached to the couple, just like yours a second ago. His hair was a mess, his expression unhappy. "Why do you look so troubled?" You asked.

"Because it's hard to watch you suffer." He pulled a pained half-smile, making you chuckle.

"Come on now, Remus. I am fine. I honestly got used to it already." Your voice was soft and reassuring.

"Used to what?" He asked, his brows furrowed.

"The pain in my chest." You confirmed. "I have felt it for so long now, it's kind of like a part of me." You giggled even though it was nowhere near happy. He finally turned to you, managing to look into your eyes in a rather weird angle.

"That shouldn't be something you have to get used to." He shook his head.

"I know, Remus, but unfortunately that is exactly how unrequited love works." You shrugged nonchalantly.

"She knew." Remus said and you knew what he meant without questioning him.

"Yes, she did, but it doesn't mean she should have said no. Remus, look, Sirius likes Marlene, Marlene likes Sirius. Just because she knew of my feelings, you can't expect them not to get involved with each other. You are only thinking that way because you are my friend." You explained, once again heaving a deep sigh. The powerful hold around your chest reappeared and you welcomed it as an old friend.

"I would never date someone my friend likes." He huffed, annoyance clear in his voice.

"I have never really been friends with her. We just got along when we needed to." You said.

"Still, it's making me uncomfortable." He said as he shrugged and you lifted your head from his shoulder.

"Remus, don't worry so much. You are more worked up about it than I am." You chuckled at his protective behaviour. He just shook his head, knowing that you were simply pretending to be strong, but deep down you were hurting more than you showed. It was always like that. Hiding your feelings were something that you learned through out the years to protect yourself.

"What's so funny over there." Sirius joined the conversation, hearing your giggling. Your eyes met his captivating grey orbs, for a second leaving you breathless, before you found your voice.

"You don't have to know everything, Sirius." You spoke with a small smile, turning back to Remus who was shaking his head with the same expression.

"You are unbelievable." Remus said, suddenly standing up, pulling you with him and dragging you out of the common room. You could feel Sirius' curious gaze on your back, but you didn't turn your head to look at him. You were more interested in what Remus was planning.

"Where are we going?" You asked, whilst he was pulling you after himself.

"I got fed up of the act, that you have put up. Do you think I can not see that your smile is nowhere near genuine? I rather drag you out and get suspicious looks, than keep watching you suffer." He was quite agitated to your surprise.

"Look Remus, I am fine." You tried to reassure him.

"No, you are not. Enough of acting though. You know what you need? You need to tell him that you love him." He halted abruptly on an empty corridor and turned around, folding his arms in front of his chest.

"What?" You asked as if you have heard him wrong, brows running high, mouth agape. You certainly believed that your hearing has become impaired.

"Tell him you love him." He said firmly, confirming his seriousness.

"That will never happen." You smiled awkwardly as if you were trying to tell him that he was insane.

"Look, I know it sounds like a strange, rather weird idea, but the only way you will get over him is if you confess to him. He will reject you and you can have closure." He attempted to explain his reasoning and he was indeed successful. He made the little gears work harder in your brain then ever.

"I mean... but what if our friendship will be ruined?" You tried to argue his point, not because he wasn't right, but because you were terrified of rejection. Sirius wasn't just a friend or a crush, he was more to you than anyone else, making your situation ever so complicated.

"Then it will be ruined." He shrugged, making you frown at his nonchalant reply. "You can't stay by his side, while he drools over other women. I can't watch you putting up a fake smile and pretend that everything is just fine, when deep down you are trying to hide an excruciating heartache." You heaved a deep sigh as he finished his monologue, knowing how right he was.

"Fine, I will do it tomorrow." You said, your voice beyond broken. You never wanted to lose Sirius, but at this point you knew that you would have to face the consequences of your feelings. As much as you wanted to deny it, Remus knew you way too well, to understand how hard you tried to pretend to be fine in all circumstances and it wasn't healthy.

"Good. Right after classes I will call him to the Wooden bridge." He stated and you nodded in confirmation. He walked up to you and placed his hand on your shoulder, gently squeezing it. "Don't be down. Think of it as an end to something painful and a new beginning to something beautiful." You chuckled at his wise words, but nodded in anticipation.

"You always know what to say." You smiled as you started walking back to the common room. "By the way where were we headed?" You asked curiously.

"Nowhere, I just wanted to get you out of there." He shrugged with an awkward smile.

"Well, it worked." You shook your head at his unusual behaviour, but your smile never faltered.

Upon returning to the common room, Sirius questioned you about your whereabouts, but you just exchanged a quick smile with Remus and shook your head, leaving him in suspense.

Your night was long and hard, nervousness quickly taking over you as Remus left you alone. You have been thinking of all the ways you wanted to tell Sirius about your feelings, but deep down you knew, that you would not remember any of your thoughts by the next day.

After hours of rolling around and endless sighing, you finally gave up on torturing yourself and let sleep overcome you.

The next morning you jumped out of your bed and before you knew it, you were sitting in the Great Hall, right next to Remus. Soon Sirius arrived with Marlene on his arm, leaning over you to give you a kiss on the top of your head, just like every morning.

"Morning, guys." He said, taking a seat beside you, Marlene on his other side. He received a couple of replies, but not one from you. You looked at Remus, who gave you an annoyed eye roll, before turning back to his breakfast. You had to acknowledge that he has been hanging out with the boys way too much. Beside his kind personality, he definitely picked up some of those typical marauders attributes, which mostly consisted of sarcastic replies, eye rolls and annoyed scoffs.

You chuckled at his manners, before turning back to your food. He knew how badly Sirius' attentive behaviour affected you, even with that small smile plastered across your face. Remus just always knew what you thought and it definitely brought you closer.

By the end of classes, you were standing at the Wooden bridge, arms resting on the edge of the handrail, whilst watching the view and waiting for Remus to send Sirius over. Your thoughts were a mess of what ifs and hows, but you didn't have much time to think as you saw Sirius' form appear at the end of the bridge.

He walked up to you, his back leaning against the side of the bridge with a questioning look.

"You know, this is suspicious right?" He asked and you raised a brow at him. "Instead of you coming to me and asking me to meet you here, you send Remus to do it." He clarified his words.

"Yeah..." You replied hesitantly, not wanting to tell him that it was all Remus' idea.

"So what's up? Why did you want to talk to me?" He asked impatiently, which made you furrow your brows.

"Someone is in a rush." You replied with a scoff.

"I have promised a date to Marlene." He shrugged.

"So you simply don't have time for your friend." You raised a brow questioningly. "Next time I will just book an appointment." You spoke, clearly annoyed.

"Don't be cute. You know that's not what I meant." He attempted to save the situation.

"But you did though. I wanted to talk to you about something that's very important to me, but what do I get? You, trying to rush me to get it over with, because you have a date." You hissed in anger.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think of it this way." He sighed, whilst trying to get an eye contact from you, unsuccessfully.

"Whatever." You shook your head in a reply. A few seconds of silence fell up on you, before he spoke again.

"What bothers you?" He asked as he turned around, joining you in gazing over the rift under the bridge.

"It's very complicated. I don't really know how to talk about it." You started, making him frown.

"Is something wrong?" He asked.

"It's not... I mean..." You heaved a deep sigh at being unable to create a coherent sentence. "My head is a mess of thoughts." You scoffed, trying to organise what you really wanted to say.

"What is it? You know you can tell me anything." He tried to encourage you to talk. You finally looked up at him, his grey eyes curious as to what you wanted to say.

"Anything?" You questioned.

"Anything!" He repeated firmly.

"I don't think you will want to hear this, but I still have to say it though." You turned away from him, not wanting to see his disgusted expression. The knot in your stomach and the grip around your chest became stronger, your throat dried out as your anxiety heightened.

"There isn't a thing you can't share with me." He spoke with his lips curved up into a gentle smile.

"I love you." You blurted it out, deciding that it's better to just get it over with.

"I love you too." He replied, making you scoff, before a pained smile appeared on your face.

"No, you don't get it." You shook year head. You lifted your face, looking up into his grey eyes, which seemed to be more confused than you have ever seen them." I love you the way you like Marlene." You clarified your feelings for him, watching as his eyes grew wider by the second.

"What?" His voice was weak and shocked at the same time. His demeanour less confident than ever.

"You heard it." You spoke firmly, your nervousness long out of your system. You knew his answer, you knew him. There were no questions left. You simply waited for him to process what you have just told him.

"But... I told you not to fall in love with me!" He replied, his words weaker than you have ever heard.

"Feelings are not something people can control. Believe me, if it depended on me, I would have never fallen for you." You replied.

"You never showed it, though." He spoke, surprising you with his words.

"I mean, we were friends and I knew you would never look at me that way." You explained looking straight into those grey irises. Your voice sounded calm and collected, your demeanour firm and though.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say." He spoke hesitantly.

"I want you to reject me." You said confidently, causing his brows to run high.

"What?" He asked in shock.

"The only way I can get closure is if you reject me." You explained with a shrug. He looked ever so confused at your behaviour.

"You are taking this quite well." He spoke with a frown and you knew exactly what he meant. Of course, you did. You became so good at pretending to be fine, that it was almost natural not to show your real feelings around others.

"I guess, I do." You spoke in a relaxed tone.

"Erm... I'm... I don't know what to say. You know, I am with Marlene." He shook his head slightly, trying to find the right words. "I just can't do this." He said, his voice defeated.

"That's fine." You replied, making him frown.

"You are scaring me, you know?" He spoke, his eyes looking for something in yours, that you knew he would never find. You could feel your tears collecting in your eyes, but you didn't let them leave. Not just yet. "You are acting strange." He shook his head lightly.

"No, I am not. I came here to tell you that I loved you and I knew before I even decided to confess, that I would be rejected. I was simply prepared for it." You explained halfheartedly.

"Okay..." He replied hesitantly. "I have to go now, but I will talk to you later." His tone was soft and gentle as if he was scared of hurting you, even though you have stood there in your toughest form.

"Yeah..." You replied simply, assuming he has only said that to make you feel better. "See you." You told him as he was still standing there. You wished he was gone by now so you could just let all your feelings go, but his hesitant steps and slowly disappearing back, forced you to keep everything in, until finally he was out of sight.

You slid down the side of the bridge, letting your tears finally roll down your cheeks. Of course, you were hurting, your chest didn't even let the air in anymore. You felt like you were being suffocated. You were heaving for breathe as you felt your salty tears pour through your lips.

It was killing you to know that Sirius never even thought of you romantically. It hurt you to see him giving attention to all the other girls. It pained you to see him kiss Marlene so lovingly. But most of all, it teared you apart from the inside to know that he would never return your feelings.

You sat at the bottom of the bridge, legs pulled up to your chest, face hidden between your knees, tears escaping your bloodshot eyes. You just wanted to disappear from the castle, from the country, from the whole wide world.

You didn't even realise a presence beside you, only when a hand lifted your head and two soft lips attacked your own. Your eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the owner of the long black locks, but before you knew it, your eyelids flattered shut and you gave into the blissful feeling of his lips moving in synch with yours.

It was better than you ever dared to imagine. His lips were in perfect harmony with yours, making you moan into the kiss. You could feel the salty taste of your tears on your lips as he placed a hand behind your neck, pulling you even closer. He was captivating, he was giving you hope and you were cursing him for it. You didn't want your feelings to be played with.

He finally pulled away, leaning against your forehead, breathing heavily, along with you. You didn't even realise when your tears stopped streaming down your cheeks.

"You are not as strong as you pretend to be." He spoke with a pained expression, opening his grey orbs to look at you.

"Sirius..?" You questioned... everything. You didn't understand why he was there, why he kissed you, why he came back. Your head was a mess of confused thoughts.

"Why did you have to tell me how you feel?" He heaved a deep sigh, his breath shaky, feeling defeated. He pulled away from you and sat down beside you, leaning his back against the side of the bridge.

"I told you. To get closure." You replied hesitantly. You were nowhere near the expected closure. Your feelings were now more unbearable than ever.

"Closure for what? You just had to come and stir things up, didn't you?" He asked, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"Stir what up?" You asked furrowing at his unclear words.

"I was over you finally. Or at least I thought I was and then you decide to confess to me? How am I supposed to take that?" He raised his voice, hiding his face in his palm.

"Over... me?" You questioned hesitantly.

"Yes, I loved you." He lifted his head to look into your eyes. "I thought you would always look at me as a mere brother figure and I accepted it. That's why I always jokingly told you not to ever fall for me. But here you are now, telling me that you love me and I am not supposed to feel good about it, I am not. But I just can't deny that a part of me wants to jump out of my skin in happiness." He confessed, leaving you with parted lips and a shocked expression across your face.

"I... I didn't expect that." You spoke in confusion.

"Believe me, I didn't expect your confession either." He replied with a scoff.

"But... what do you feel then?" You asked, trying not to get your hopes any higher than they already were.

"I honestly don't know." He shook his head, letting out a deep sigh he has been holding onto. "A part of me is happy that you love me, but I'm not sure about what I feel and I don't know what to do with Marlene now." His voice was beyond defeated and you just wanted to pull him into a hug, to tell him that everything will be just fine, but you stopped yourself. You knew that it wouldn't help him now. It would just confuse him.

"You have to decide what you want. I can't help you with that." You spoke, trying to keep yourself composed.

"I know. I just need a bit of time." He said and you nodded in agreement. A few minutes of silence fell up on you, before he stood up and reached out for you to help you up. You accepted his hand and steadied yourself, but before you could have even looked up, he pulled you into his embrace, dipping his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. You protectively wrapped your arms around his torso, enjoying his warmness around you. You wished you could enjoy his hugs longer, but you knew that it wasn't fair to any of you, including Marlene.

"As much as I enjoy hugging you, this is not going to help you." You spoke as you pulled away from him with a soft smile across your face.

"I know." He took a deep breath.

"Let's go back." You said, but he stood still, not even attempting to move, his adoring eyes fixed on your face. You shook your head, rolled your eyes and started gently nudging him towards the castle, chuckling.

"You know, I can walk on my own." He smirked at your forceful behaviour.

"Yeah, but you didn't move though." You argued playfully.

"A simple please would have worked just fine." He replied.

"As if I was ever begging for anything." You scoffed.

"I can think of one or two reasons." He raised an eyebrow, before your deadly expression forced a loud chuckle to leave his lungs.

"Just shut up. That I would beg for." You rolled your eyes at his childish behaviour.

You went back to the castle, parting ways at the entrance as Marlene appeared. She questioned his whereabouts, but you quickly got involved by telling her that you needed to talk to Sirius and you didn't realise the time. She seemed to believe you, although a sceptical look rushed across her face, before it quickly disappeared.

Tags: @haphazardhufflepuff , @inkhearthes

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like and/or reblog the chapter. Thank you :)

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I’ll just put this here, because this song had a big impact on my mood when writing.

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don’t forget to like, comment and/or reblog the chapter. Thank you :)

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

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wintaejk · 4 years

Text

Jungkook’s FIC REC | OS 1

Because I spend a lot of time here on tumblr reading fanfictions, I wanted to create my own fic recs. Like that, I can recommend fictions that deserve more recognition and at the same time, if I want to reread one of them, I just have to come here.

Everything on this list is about Jungkook. And of course, all those works have been written by the authors I tagged next to the name of the fictions, they do not belong to me (and if the authors want me to remove their work from my rec, I will).

I also want to thank the authors. I really appreciate all your works and efforts to create all those beautiful stories. I send you all of my love.

(f) = fluff

(a) = angst

(m) = mature

Stories will be sorted by length, by theme, and for the series, by progression (complete or uncomplete).

college au

— Poison (F) (A) — by @byeoltoyuki

You can’t decide whenever you hated or loved Jungkook. Either way you couldn’t say no to him.

college au | enemies to lovers | +3k

— One more night (F) (A) (M) — by @byeoltoyuki

In which when Jimin told you to have fun, he didn’t exactly mean to bang his friend.

college au | enemies to lovers | +12k

— Blue Raspberry (F) — by @strawbxxymilk

Jungkook asks you to live life on the wild side.

college au | enemies to lovers | -1k

— Soulmate Culture (F) (M) —

Part II of Blue Raspberry.

college au | enemies to lovers | +2k

— flick or treat (M) — by @junqkook

You hate jeon jungkook with every fiber of your being; but arousal doesn’t discriminate between like and dislike.

college au | enemies to lovers | fratboy!jungkook | +3k

— 50% Cotton (F) (M) — by @perpetually-jungshook

ShyKook. You keep “accidentally” borrowing Jungkook’s jacket until one day he shows up to retrieve it.

college au | friends to lovers | +6k

— 50% Polyester (M) (F) —

Shy boy Jungkook is ready for his first time. Kind of. Sequel to 50% Cotton.

college au | friends to lovers | +5k

— Set On You (F) (M) — by @bymoonchild

Sports has never been your thing, so when you find yourself in a sports hall that reeks of perspiration and cologne and in front of a group of volleyball players whom you’re supposed to be managing (heck, you can’t even manage your own life), you know that you’re in Deep Shit™. Especially when Jeon Jungkook, the golden setter of the team aka the boy who holds stars in his eyes, starts to occupy your reveries, slowly becoming both the quiet and pandemonium of your heart.

college au | volleyball au | +18k

— Play Pretend (M) (A) — by @seokoloqy

Walking under ladders, splitting the pole, breaking mirrors, going near black cats—just to name a few things Jeon Jungkook doesn’t do before his soccer games.

And after Jungkook catches his girlfriend cheating on him, he’s going to need a little more than luck to get her back. He needs you.

college au | fake dating au | friends to lover | soccer player!jungkook | +8k

— Click, Click (M) — by @seokoloqy

Who knew someone else’s dick pic would get Jungkook his first blowjob?

college au | friends to lovers au | virgin!jk | +2k

— Teasing (M) — by @letspurpletogether

The one where your study partner is just too cute you can’t resist teasing him.

college au | inexperienced partner!jungkook | +3k

— Curiosity (F) (M) — by @hobidreams

When innocent Jungkook comes to you with a not-so-innocent question… you decide it’s easier to just demonstrate.

college au | best friend’s brother!jungkook | +3k

— Stay Quiet (F) (M) — by @hobidreams

You think the library is only a place for studying, Jungkook convinces you otherwise.

college au | established relationship au | +2k

— Will You Make a Mess Now? (F) (M) — by @softyoongiionly

Jungkook’s never been touched before and, after a hectic end to his semester, he thinks he wants that to change…

college au | established relationship au | virgin!jungkook | +4k

— Can I Make a Mess Now? (F) (M) —

Jungkook’s never had sex before but, after realizing that he’s falling in love with you, he thinks he wants that to change.

college au | established relationship au | virgin!jungkook | +4k

— i wished i missed my ex (F) (A) (M) — by @angelguk

College was hard enough without having a crazy ex on your back too. At least you weren’t the only one with that problem. Jeon Jeongguk, your best friend had a girl chasing after him too. You didn’t think your problems were intertwined, until Jeongguk comes up with the solution to solve them both at once. Two birds with one stone. Easy enough. Until the stone hits your heart too.

college au | friends to lovers au | fake dating au | 18k

— in your arms tonight (M) — by @angelguk

Late nights with Jeongguk end in great sex and love confessions (or the one where he has a thing for you in his clothes).

college au | established relationship au | domestic au | +5k

— if i told you (F) (A) — by @gukyi

In order to pay for university, Jeon Jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. Donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. All while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.

college au | friends to lovers au | 22k

— Worth the Wait (F) (A) (M) — by @sketchguk

You have an unwritten rule about swearing off relationships to pursue your studies, but your willpower wavers when you meet Jeongguk, the barista with commitment issues and a soft spot just for you.

college au | barista!jungkook | strangers to friends to lovers | +13k

— Daydream (F) (A) (M) — by @luffles424

You never thought that simply waking up your best friend would lead to something more.

college au | best friends to lovers | +7k

— Hold You Tighter (F) — by @gukwluv

Jeongguk doesn’t want to take Taehyung’s advice, but when he’s falling asleep in class, he think he might have to. Although he was not expecting the pretty girl that woke him up in said class, to be the one that Taehyung calls for help ; alternatively Jeongguk loves cuddling and you just happen to as well.

college au | strangers to lovers au | cuddle buddy au | +5k

— soft touch (M) — by @minnpd

Jungkook needs to practice a massage on you before his final exam.

college au | friends to lovers | massage therapist!jungkook | +3k

— you are in love (F) (M) — by @diortae

You recount the last six months of your relationship with jeongguk. Alternatively, “you are in love” by taylor swift in fanfic form.

college au | established relationship | +4k

— an abundance of mondays (F) (A) (M) — by @diortae

“why the fuck would it be easy? you’re disgustingly in love with your best friend. of course it’s complicated.” he pauses to roll his eyes, as if he hasn’t just laid out the most secret parts of you here in the middle of the campus dining hall.

alternatively, it’s an old cliche, falling in love with your best friend. it’s a shame none of the stories ever told you it would feel like this.

college au | childhood friends to lovers | 15k

— Ace (F) (A) (M) — by @hijoonie

Jungkook only cares about three things: Baseball, painting and his team, but soon he’s adding you to that list when love comes flying at him fast and hard, knocking him right on his ass.

college au | baseball au | athlete!jungkook | artist!jungkook | +24k

— one time, in your room (F) (M) — by @ubemango

There are papers to write, and virgins to daydream about. (You can think about Jeongguk’s dick later.)

college au established relationship +17k

prequels: fingering - the game update - wake up! sequels: hitting it from the back - with a Hitachi wand - overstimulation

roommate au

— Euphoria (F) (A) (M) — by @seokstrivia

There was always a sign on Jungkooks’ door that said something along the lines of, ‘Warning; I am naked in here. Do not enter unless you’re ready to see a whole lot of dick.’

or, that one roommate au where Jungkook is a cocky bastard.

roommate au | enemies to lovers | +7k

— Microwave (Mis)adventures (F) (A) (M) — by @bymoonchild

Out of all things to be afraid of, Jungkook, the seat-stealer of your 8am class and annoying housemate whom you despise with every fiber of your being, chooses to have a phobia of microwaves, but he loves buying microwaveable food – because come on, they’re irresistible – and you somehow find yourself getting dragged into his microwaves (mis)adventures. Cue chaos, sarcasm-laced banter and an unplanned romance.

roommate au | college au | enemies to lovers | 20k

— heartbreak trials (A) (M) — by @dreamyjoons

It all started with a bet: the one with the highest body count would get the most illustrious prize - Namjoon’s bedroom. For you and Jungkook, the race was on.

roommate au | enemies to lovers | +13k

— Itch (F) (M) — by @ironicarmy

During a study session, your roommate Jungkook becomes hell-bent in showing you a good time – especially after discovering you’ve never been touched.

roommate au | college au | friends to lovers | virgin!reader | +8k

— Piss Off Your Parents (F) (A) (M) — by @littlemisskookie

In an effort to piss off your parents you move in with their worst nightmare- a boy with tattoos, a rock band, and an irresistible charm.

roommate au | fake dating | bad boy!jungkook | +16k

Commentary - This story is for me a must-read for more than one reason. Let’s begin with maybe badboy!jungkook? Yes, we all love a good tattooed, badass jk, but as much as I can remember, this is the first time badboy jungkook is approached like that. Jungkook has all the attire of the baddie, but not the behavior that usually goes with it. We discover a bad boy that respect people, that is not fucking around like a horndog, and who doesn’t to stick his stick in any and every hole he finds. This is very refreshing and pleasant. Also, I want to take a moment to appreciate fully the way the dialogues are written. I particularly enjoyed them while reading the fiction. Why? I don’t really know… Was it the repartee of the two main characters? The analyze of the world they live in? The constant flirt and the slow burn? Or even the style in itself? Honestly, it’s probably a mix of all of that. Finally, let’s say this fiction is smartly emphasizing and kind of fighting all the clichés we can find in fanfictions. And what is best to fight cliché than writing one yourself? Yes, this fiction is definitely a must-read!

— Somnolent (F) — by @forgottenpasta

After spending one night in bed with you, Jeongguk finds out he is unable to sleep unless you’re sleeping with him.

roommate au | friends to lovers | +3k

— Laundry Day (M) — by @jinjikook

jeongguk always pioneered one household chore: laundry. now why he had such an affinity for it, you had no idea. that is, until you come home and he lost track of time, causing you to stumble upon him in the midst of something strange and yet altogether intriguing.

roommate au | domestic au | 5k

— Blizzard (F) (M) — by @curly-bangtan

When a blizzard hits your town, you and your shy awkward roommate are forced to spend time together, not being able to leave the house due to the strong snowstorm. To make matters worse, the power gets cut in the middle of his shower. Which also means no heating.

roommate au | domestic au | strangers to lovers | virgin!reader | +15k

— Blizzard : let it snow (F) —

It’s holiday season, and you have yet to disclose your new romance with Jungkook to the rest of your friends. But during your traditional Christmas gathering night filled with food, Love Actually and mistletoe, each of the six of them discover your secret relationship with your shy roommate one by one in ways that you dread…

roommate au | domestic au | established relationship | +8k

— threats and paybacks (M) — by @pantaemonium

Jeon Jungkook. Art major in the University of Seoul. Passive-aggressive little shit and gamer extraordinaire.

It was that person—that phenomenal specimen of a human—the one you shared a tiny apartment with. No one hated Jeon Jungkook, no one in the entire planet could ever do, for he was lovely all around. You did not hate him. That was not it. The one and only problem Jeon Jungkook presented was that he was a terrible roommate, and that bowl of cereal was the last straw.

roommate au | college au | 14k

neighbors au

— not quite strangers (F) (A) (M) — by @seokwaves

there are two things that you very much hate in this world; first being woken up in the evening, second being woken up in the morning – and jeon jeongguk, the stranger a.k.a the guy who lives across your shitty apartment does just that, every single fucking time.

neighbors au | +19k

— neighbors (M) — by @btssmutgalore

When your hands are full, a cute neighbor lends a helping hand.

nighbors au | +6k

— sugar coated (F) (M) — by @guksheart

jeon jungkook, aspiring singer, works at a bakery with nothing but cupcakes and satisfied customers to occupy his time. one day, his next-door neighbor strolls into the shop with tears in her eyes, and his heart cannot help but worry why.

neighbors au | bakery au | +10k

— the underwear thief (F) (M) — by @gukyi

jeon jungkook would like to make one thing very clear: it’s not his fault.

neighbors au | strangers to lovers | 10k

— FEELS LIKE SUMMER (F) (A) (M) — by @badbhye

You only have one question on your mind this summer: when did Jeon Jungkook get abs?

neighbors au | borither’s best friend | +16k

friends to lovers

— Frost Impressions (F) (A) (M) — by @fortunexkookie

Granny Park’s Gossip:

Now, don’t start thinking anything about Jeon. He’s a good boy, of course, my sweet Jimin wouldn’t be friends with anything less, and he’s a damned good P.E. teacher, but he’s a rapscallion if I’ve ever seen one. Always putting his foot in his mouth in one way or another. My lovely grandson already told me about how he’s offended that new math and science teacher down at the school, you know the one, got hired as a replacement when they fired the last one? Yes, her. And Jiminie told me that Jeongguk’s been avoiding her ever since, the hellion. You just gotta shake your head at behavior like that.

Alternative Summary: Jeongguk is so disgustingly smitten with his new coworker that he ends up making a terrible first impression, and neither of them realize they’ve actually been in love with each other for the better part of a decade.

teacher au | gamer au | friends to lovers | enemies to lovers | +41k

Commentary - I put this fiction in the ‘friends to lovers’ section, but I could have placed in so many others. Because literally, this fiction has it all. First of all, the best friend to lovers au coupled with a gamer au and internet friends au. Honestly, just that should be enough for you to go read it. But in the case you need more, I can also talk about that teacher au. That enemies to lovers au. You will find shy and embarrassed Jungkook. And the humor. The humor. The humor. Yes, this fiction is smart. And funny. I think this is honestly one of the funniest fiction ever. I don’t remember ever laughing so much while reading a fiction. This is truly the kind of stories that will make a rough day a little lighter. And it is even better when you read it in your bed at 1am. So yes, you should 100% read it. And if you want more or need more when you are done, you also can go read Ryn’s other fics or the other stories of The Snowball Effect.

— in between blurred lines (F) (A) (M) — by @seokwaves

Jeon Jeongguk has been your bestfriend ever since you were fetuses—no, that’s kind of weird (but you get the point)—and you were there with each other as you slowly discovered the (not so) wonders of the world. Your bestfriendship is cool; you cuddle a lot, you have movie nights whenever you’re free, you let him poop while you’re showering and he does the same. For almost two decades of friendship, you only ever think of him as the child you’ve raised ever since elementary until Taehyung said that Jeongguk had a crush on you since you were 11. Uh oh.

best friends to lovers | college au | 20k

— jasmine (M) — by @btssmutgalore

Jungkook always tries to hide his crush on you, but unfortunately, he can’t control what happens while he’s sleeping.

friends to lovers | 12k

— Ruin the Friendship (M) — by @kpopfanfictrash

your drunk ass best friend keeps calling you to take care of him and it wouldn’t be so awful, if it weren’t for The Feelings.

best friends to lovers | college au | +8k

— Over the Edge (M) —

so, you’re dating. everything is dandy, the sex is knocking your socks off, but what happens when you get in the First Real Fight?

established relationship | sequel to Ruin the Friendship | +9k

— the best part of me is you (F) (A) (M) — by @yourdelights

Having been best friends since childhood, you’re an expert in all things Jungkook. You know everything about him, from how he took his coffee to the sound of his laugh after a successful prank. There was no part of him that you didn’t know like the back of your hand, or so you thought. Your view on things gets a bit skewed after discovering the one secret Jungkook had kept from you: he’s a camboy.

best friends to lovers | camboy!jungkook | 9k

— A Happy Accident (M) — by @taetaesbaebaepsae

You accidentally send nudes meant for your friend with benefits Hoseok to Jungkook.

friends to lovers | college au | +2k

— Something in the Water (F) (M) — by @vankoya

Sleeping in is a foreign concept to Kim Taehyung and his awkward, mismatched gang of pals. This is made all the more apparent when they rock up at ___’s doorstep at the ass crack of dawn, as if it is a natural time for any college student to be awake.

But when she is informed that it was the youngest of their group who insisted she join them on their spontaneous camping trip, she is suddenly not as reluctant to play along than when she was first awakened by her enigma of a best friend, slamming his fist against her front door.

friends to lovers | camping au | college au | +25k

established relationship au

— Lollipop (M) — by @btssmutgalore

“I’ll eat it however I want to,” you smirked at him, but he was still trying to pretend he wasn’t paying attention to you. “What are you gonna do about it?”

established relationship | +1k

— bare necessities (F) (M) — by @gguksgalaxy

“When you ask your boyfriend for a relaxing vacation you don’t exactly expect him to take you to Disneyland out of all places. Luckily, Jungkook knows just how to get you to relax — being needy is definitely not the way. Or is it…”

established relationship | +11k

— Concealed Weapons (M) — by @gimmesumsuga

Jungkook turns out not to be quite who you thought he was, and your reaction takes you both by surprise.

marriage au | mafia au | 10k

— Movie Night (F) (M) — by @btsaudge

Jungkook tells you about his kinks during movie night.

established relationship | slice of lice | -1k

— it’s a stick up (F) (M) — by @sweetheartjeongguk

maybe jungkook shouldn’t accept help from taehyung anymore, especially in the form of “magical boner pills”.

established relationship | +4k

— second to none (M) — by @minnpd

He went silent as his undivided attention is geared toward the box. The unmistakable sound of cardboard ripping made you roll your eyes at his impatience. Whatever was inside was rattling around haphazardly and you were about to scold his carelessness when his sudden silence threw you for a loop. You poke your head above the countertop and what you see has your stomach dropping.

established relationship | +5k

— Sanctified (F) (A) (M) — by @mikroparadise

Jungkook’s been away on tour, and you’ve really missed him. But when you try to show him just how much, he doesn’t reciprocate the way you’d like, and it makes you question whether the problem is you.

established relationship | rockstar!jungkook | +12k

— low libido jk drabble (M) — by @hobiwonder

imagine dealing with low libido jungkook bc he’s been stressed about exams or smth.

established relationship | college au

idol au

— Rejection (A) (M) — by @jjungkookislife

Going out to a club with your friends from BTS wasn’t supposed to end up with you admitting your feelings for Jungkook.

idol au | friends to lovers | +9k

— (1) Missed Call (M) — by @seokoloqy

He never has time to pick up his phone while on tour, so you leave him innocent voicemails instead. But, when did your mundane voicemails suddenly get so interesting?

idol au | established relationship | +1k

— take my hand (F) (A) — by @cupofteaguk

in which you lose your memory in a car crash, and Jungkook desperately tries to keep both of your lives intertwined. this in itself proves to be a challenge, especially when you can only remember him as the idol you once adored from afar.

idol au | (ex) established relationship | 11k

— Turned Around (F) — by @worldwidebt7

The work you did for the magazine production company you were employed by often had you running circles about the building to please them. However, during one such time, you are surprised to find a very handsome, very lost-looking Korean idol wandering about…

idol au | +10k

hybrid au

— Under the Bridge (F) (A) (M) — by @jincherie

Your life takes a turn for the better one night when you find a bun under the bridge.

hybrid au | bunny!jungkook | +10k

— bedroom kitten (M) — by @kookswife

“you’re only mine now”

hybrid au | cat!reader | +6k

— Cardboard Castle (F) (M) — by @kittae

Moving in together tends to trigger stress-induced arguments, that’s not a secret. When the tension runs high in not the best ways possible during the setup of your new Ikea bed, your feline boyfriend copes by making a fort from empty cardboard moving boxes. All sorrows are less with a movie and popsicles!

hybrid au | established relationship | cat!jungkook | +6k

— Hopping Mad For You (F) (M) — by @readyplayerhobi

For two years you’ve lived with your rabbit hybrid roommate, Jungkook. He’s been a model roommate and you’ve found yourself with little complaints. But his behaviour lately has been a little…unusual.

hybrid au | roommate au | rabbit!jungkook | +9k

soulmate au

— the violet hour (F) (A) — by @guksheart

in a world where a mark completes itself when you are introduced to the love of your life, jeon jungkook is convinced that he is fated to die alone. here’s a hint, though - he’s wrong.

soulmate au | +6k

— Bells (F) — by @taetaesbaebaepsae

Jungkook gets tinnitus around the same time he gets a big crush on you, and it turns out it’s related.

soulmate au | idol au | +1k

#fic rec #jungkook fic rec #bts fic rec #jeon jungkook #fic rec part 1

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lambourngb · 4 years

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Get me out of here - places to go when canon is complicated

It’s Day 3, time to celebrate those stories that I turn to when I can’t deal with canon, or when I don’t have the emotional energy to untangle all the emotions I have for what’s going on in canon. Alternative universes, the safe harbor for us. Below are a mix of rewrites of canon, remixes of canon, or out right not even set in Roswell- to fill every type distance you want from canon- from near to far.

The first story I’m reccing is a long one,- so pardon the very long review below.

my love is a life taker by @jocarthage (267,600) So one day, Jessi popped into discord to share a dream she had about timetravel and being able to save yourself in the past basically, particularly Alex getting to give his baby-self a hug, and we all went, “holy shit that’s a cool fic idea please write it!” and really reality sucks right now with quarantine and whatnot, so what better thing to do than follow a WIP? I can’t tell you how badly I needed to something to look forward to as I was staring down a milestone birthday with all my plans in tatters, and this story filled the void.

Okay- now about the actual story itself, the world building about time travel in this is incredible but easy to absorb. Jessi dumps you straight into the action in chapter 1 with Alex, at 28, assassinating an Iraqi intelligence agent in 2009 that averts a bomb that was planned on US forces. You learn so much about both the story-universe and Alex here- one, that even dressed in mask and killing someone, Alex is kind and uses morphine as an overdose and has arranged for his victim’s family to be compensated, you learn that time agents can only visit places they themselves have visited during that time, and Jesse Manes had dragged his son, who was ‘time aware’ to every place of war and ruin on the planet before he was 18 and that, Alex’s victim, even as he’s dying, recognizes what a shit childhood Alex had but that Alex doesn’t.

The next part is where Alex’s time crystal malfunctions, instead of returning him to 2018, it takes him to 1998 where an 8 year old Michael is getting beaten by his foster dad and Alex, out of his time line mysteriously, visible to only Michael, saves him, but only temporarily. We all know with abusers, until you’re out of the house, it’s just a matter of time before the next beating. However, with one act, Alex at 28 starts putting into action (even though he doesn’t recognize it at the time) the steps to save his own life as he works to save Michael from his childhood. Each mission, each jump through time, Alex meets Michael, always a year apart and only for 1000 seconds, or almost 17 minutes. Jessi takes you through some of the darkest points of US foreign policy, only as Alex takes control of his life, he also starts to change the missions, and change the world. The details of places, people, food, etc are authentic from the author’s experience, if you don’t click on the links at the end of the chapters and disappear down google-rabbit holes about the events in history, well- you’re made of stronger stuff than I am. There are lots of heavy subjects discussed, but there’s always care and honesty behind the intent. The way Michael grows, the way Alex grows, and of course the journey to the present time when they could be together? It’s like pining on steroids but it’s so wonderful. I wish I could pull out one thing that I loved in particular in this story- but it’s impossible, only to say that I love that I could disappear completely within the confines of ‘my love is a life taker’ knowing that I would be kept safe by the author, that goodness prevails.

 when I’m oceans away by @neapeaikea (28,000) this is a post-2008 shed canon-divergent AU where Alex Manes, after the best/worst night of his life bolts from Roswell and leaves Michael behind. 10 years later, on the hunt for a child conceived at Caulfield, Michael walks into a youth home in California and finds Alex. A few things, I love that this author writes an Alex who didn’t join the Air Force but still lost a leg, I don’t really enjoy disability erasure in modern AUs (I’m better at looking past that in historical or sci fi aus) . It’s pretty clear after five minutes that the connection between the two men is still there and strong despite anger, secrets and guilt. The teasing and flirting between them is great but so is the acceptance of baring their vulnerabilities. I loved the care they take with each other, and the tie in to an alien child is just so perfect.

Crucibles (series) @ninswhimsy (9,000)- I’m cheating and naming both here, but obviously nin had her finger on the pulse of fandom, by writing crusade-set queer stories before The Old Guard ever boomed into a fandom from the movie. I was lucky enough to trade DMs over the ideas of holiness and the body, and how Alex would have treated himself, certain of his doomed soul, and how Michael would have responded in turn. It’s no secret I love everything Nin writes, but this series stuck in my mind. I will be drifting off to sleep, and think about Alex walking through the ancient city of Aleppo, ready to be done with his burden and Michael there with soft palms and scented oil, and boom! I reach for my kindle to re-read it.

no regrets if we walk this new road by @andrea-lyn (97,000) This author has written so many amazing AUs, some quite far away from canon events like her Mummy AU or her Avengers AU, but I have to say, I have a very soft-spot for this rewrite of season 1 for a lot of reasons. I mean, it’s 2020, so my appetite for Cop!Max is definitely at an all-time low, so the idea of exchanging his job with Kyle’s was extremely appealing. At least Kyle is a POC holding the badge, not a white man like our canon. Anyway, politics aside, this story is special to me for the scorching good Isobel/Kyle relationship that develops, the way Isobel sharpens herself into a lawyer (not an event planner) and how Michael rounds his own edges off in turn by becoming a teacher (and being secretly married). Each deviation from canon made complete sense once you alter the way Rosa’s death affects the pod squad, and how they covered it up ripples out toward Liz, Kyle, etc.

 Layer on layer, down on down by @dotsayers (9,440) I love sci-fi tropes, especially time-loops, but they are incredibly hard to write (I know, I abandoned mine a while ago) so this story stands out because of just how well done the execution is and also the angst. Michael in a time loop about Caulfield, like how great/agonizing is that? The plot is so good, how it ties into Caulfield and why it happens in the first place, like wow. The care, and the hurt, and the fatigue that Michael has in this story, oh you just want to wrap him in a blanket. There’s a tiny throwaway line about how one of the first things Michael learned to do in foster care was to make himself heavy and unmovable- and you instantly picture kid!Michael not wanting to be removed from a house - like my heart broke! The structure of the story, with the background of his just how much he loves Alex but how badly it hurts to see him die, really makes this study of 1x12 special. Along with all the angst, there’s tiny gallows humor lines, so am I weird, that I laughed through a couple of these scenes even as Michael kept dying?

Petty pace by @aewriting (11,600) Aewriting has a couple of stellar AUs, so trying to pick just one was difficult, but I rather feel this story is sadly underappreciated it (mind the tags). It was a remix of @iwontbeyourmedicine ‘s fantastic ‘Freaky Friday’, where the humans and aliens swap roles. Alex in the role of Michael basically was something I had never pictured until Ly wrote that story, and now feel utterly changed by it, especially with this backstory- the idea of Jesse Manes bringing a foster child home? Incredibly well done because there’s an off the charts level of menace in this story. The way Jesse watches Alex, who at first mistakes it for how a pedophile might size up a victim, but then catches on quickly that it’s so much worse in a lot of ways. And Alex is such a loner in the beginning, even as he reconnects with his pod siblings Liz and Maria, he’s still planning on keeping his head down and leaving Roswell far behind. Like freedom is literally the only thing he can conceive of for himself, no real dreams outside of that until Michael slips under his defenses. I probably could have saved this story for angst day- because the second half of the story, if you don’t sob while you read it, then I dunno. It’s helpful to read Ly’s story right afterward as a reminder that things do get better for Alex ten years later. In a lot of ways this story is sadder than canon (though there’s no murder of Rosa/4th alien), I’m comforted that at least Alex has Liz in the aftermath, alike in heartache in a way that Michael didn’t have because of the pact he and Max made about Isobel in canon.

Unexpected tidings by @bestillmyslashyheart (24,800) Another rewrite of canon, that explores a couple of very interesting questions, like what would it look like if Michael never made it back to Roswell as a kid but met Alex by chance in 2008? Imagine the cornerstone of the Lost Decade love affair revolving around the mundane questions of a long distance relationship that wasn’t built on the pain of the shed or Rosa’s death? Marlo writes an amazing take on this, that is both real and deep with the normal couple problems, before introducing that spanner in the works of oh yeah, aliens are real. With Michael on the east coast, and Alex finishing off his service in Roswell, Project Shepherd still entangles Alex with Liz bringing him in on the secret in hopes that with his hacker skills he can track down the third alien child that Max and Iz remember so they can warn him. As interesting as the current plot was, I found myself absolutely revitted the slow piecemeal reveals that Marlo doled out about Alex and Michael’s relationship over time. (I also while rereading this recently got very nostaglic for season 1 Alex who didn’t trust Jesse as far as he could toss him.)

Don’t Punish Me For What I Feel by @winged-fool (3,600) Tarsus IV AU - another wonderful author with a catalog of great AUs, both sci-fi and dark, and honestly it was difficult to narrow it down to one. This story, well in 2009 I was a hard core Trek movie fan, so when I saw a trek-fusion story appear, I knew I would love it just on that basis. The thing is, this gave me Michael as the Captain, a surprisingly rare role for these space fusions, even though genius level repeat offender Jim Kirk and genius level repeat offender Michael Guerin seems pretty married in my mind as a connection. As a Tarsus-like story, all the tags are well earned by the story that Alex finally shares with Michael. It hit on so many levels, the hurt/comfort level for sure, but also to have a story where Michael is this stalwart protector of Alex was really nice to find.

this isn’t the ‘holiday best friends championship’ by @usbournejez (6,090) alright to leave this on a lighter note, my final AU rec is this masterpiece by Kieran that was part of Malex Secret Santa gift fics- and what a gift it was to all of us! The way she writes established Malex is first-rate, because she always includes their canon-levels of snark/sharpness but it’s never directed at each other and that’s something I love. Here we have Alex, where we learn in just a few short lines, is a huge control freak but has the extremely big emotional handicap, and that’s his love/fondness/deserve to caretake Michael. Emotional cactus Alex who is soft for Michael? Love it. There are small drops of angsty backstory peppered in this, but really that just fuels just how sweet and wonderful the main theme of the story- which is Alex might hate the whole world at large, he loves, protects and worships Michael (and vice versa). As someone who can bake cookies, but that’s about it, I was still enthralled with the baking details and this story has never failed to encourage me to eat dessert before dinner basically.

#rnmcreate2020 #malex fic #roswell new mexico #malex fic rec #malex #MALEX FEELS #michael guerin #alex manes #fandom positivity #worship our great authors in this fandom #can we pretend it's Wednesday?#a day late and a dollar short #working on today's now!

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erics-meep-morps · 3 years

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Stars in the Daytime Part 1

A self-ship fic with Lapis and Peridot

Summary: I’ve always wanted to see space, and with the help of Peridot and Pearl they build me a spacesuit. Lapis carries me and Peridot comes along as we fly into the cosmos. I will note this fic isn’t quite scientifically accurate, but I hope it’s still a good story for you to read. 💙💚

Although the light pollution from the city hides some of the stars, our home is far enough away where we can still see a decent amount. Often at night when the temperature was comfortable and the bugs weren’t bothering us we would lay in the grass and stare at the sky.

“Do you know where Homeworld is from here,” I asked.

“Homeworld is in that direction,” Peridot said and pointed.

“How many planets have you two been on?”

“Too many to count,” Peridot replied.

“Same. Unfortunately everything I saw on those planets was destroyed once they started forming gems,” Lapis said in a somewhat somber tone.

“Well, you helped save two,” Peridot said and squeezed Lapis’s hand for comfort.

“True, and the last time I terraformed was thousands of years ago. Not worth feeling bad about it now.”

“What’s it like up there? The cosmos I mean,” I asked.

“Dark, with a bunch of stars and stuff,” Lapis replied with a shrug.

“I guess for us it’s not as exciting since we’ve seen it many times,” Peridot said.

“The highest I’ve been is on an airplane, and even then I couldn’t see the curvature of the Earth. At least once I’d like to be up in the darkness of space and look at Earth, truly seeing how it’s a small speck in our universe.”

I could sense Peridot was looking at me so I turned towards her and she had a giant grin on her face. “We could easily make that happen,” Peridot said excitedly.

“I mean... you can’t just fly me up into space since I need oxygen to breathe.”

“Of course, silly! We’ll build you a spacesuit so you’ll be safe.”

“Uhh, we,” Lapis asked in a confused tone.

“I’m referring to Pearl,” Peridot replied.

“Are- are we actually doing this? You and Pearl can just build me a spacesuit and you two can fly me up there,” I asked.

“Of course! We can head over to Beach City tomorrow and get started on it.”

“Oh! Well, okay.” I was definitely excited, but also very nervous about being able to fly into space so soon. I thought I would be at least middle aged before I would have the chance, and even then I wouldn’t have had my hopes up too high.

The next day we flew to Beach City to meet with Pearl about our plan. Going there took a couple hours, and Peridot floated on a metal lid while Lapis held me. Most of the time we flew in silence, but occasionally we had short conversations.

We had texted Pearl before leaving and she was more than happy to see us. As we neared the beach house we could see Pearl standing on the beach and waving to us. “Hello you three,” she said excitedly as we landed.

“Greetings Pearl! So, what do you think of our plan,” Peridot asked.

“I will be honest that normally I would be very against the idea, however since you don’t require a spaceship like Steven and I did during that... botched attempt at going into space, I think Eric will be quite safe with you two. However, we’ll need to do some tests on the spacesuit to make sure it will truly work.”

“And how do you propose we do that,” Peridot asked.

“Once we complete the spacesuit, Eric will take it underwater at a shallow depth to make sure there aren’t any leaks. Assuming that works out then I’ll wear it and take it deeper into the ocean to make sure it can handle under pressure,” Pearl explained.

“And during all of this, Eric and I will observe. Or just be lazy, which ever we prefer,” Lapis said casually.

Pearl squinted. “Very well, but we’ll need your assistance at some point.”

“Yeah okay, just text me,” Lapis said hastily as she grabbed me and took off.

“So what do you want to do lazy Lazuli,” I asked with a chuckle.

“Let’s lay in that meadow and relax for awhile,” Lapis said as she gracefully floated down and landed.

“Sounds good to me,” I replied.

“I suppose we should’ve asked before, but are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you’re definitely in safe hands, but I understand being nervous,” Lapis said as she laid down in the soft grass.

“I’ll be honest that I didn’t expect this opportunity to appear so soon, if ever, but as long as you and Peridot want to do it then I definitely want to do it. Will you... be holding me as we fly into space?”

Lapis giggled. “Of course,” she said and snuggled beside me. “But if something doesn’t feel right or you feel too nervous then definitely let me know and I’ll fly you back.”

“I will,” I said while stroking her hair and lightly kissing her on the forehead.

We snuggled for awhile and ended up taking a short nap before Lapis’s phone started beeping. She received a text from Pearl requesting us to come back to the beach so I could try on the spacesuit.

“Damn they’re quick,” I commented.

After getting back to the beach, Pearl and Peridot presented the spacesuit I would be wearing, which looked pretty much like any spacesuit you would see an astronaut wear.

“Now we need to make sure it actually fits you and there aren’t any leaks in it,” Pearl said.

It was a little bit of a struggle putting it on, and it felt kind of like wearing heavy winter clothing besides the space helmet of course. Since it was warm outside it didn’t take long for me to get hot wearing it.

“Alright, you two follow Eric into the water. And Eric, you give a thumbs up if everything seems to be working, and thumbs down if something doesn’t feel right,” Pearl instructed.

“Roger that,” Lapis said.

Since the spacesuit was heavy it was difficult walking on sand and into the water. As the water got up to my knees I could feel water soaking my socks, and I immediately gave a thumbs down.

“What’s wrong,” Peridot asked.

“There’s already water getting in,” I replied.

“Hmm, well this wasn’t a good start. Alright, take it off and we’ll fix it,” Pearl said.

I was sweating a little, but it felt quite relieving taking it off as the ocean breeze cooled me down. While Peridot and Pearl went back to their workshop, Lapis and I sat on the beach and waited for them to return.

“Doing okay,” Lapis asked me.

I sighed. “Well that didn’t really ease my anxiety about this.”

Lapis took my hand. “Remember, you don’t have to do this.”

“I know, but I should do it. Life is about taking risks sometimes, you just have to know when it’s a good time to take a risk. Since Peridot and Pearl are probably better at engineering than most humans, this is a risk I’m okay with taking.”

“They may be nerds, but they’re also really good at building stuff.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, they know what they’re doing. Plus it’s not like we’re in a rush.”

We laid on the beach for awhile until I started getting hungry, so we went to Fish Stew Pizza so I could get lunch. Out of all the restaurants in Beach City, this was my favorite as it combined my love of seafood and pizza. The Big Donut was a close second, but that was mainly for breakfast or when I wanted something sweet.

As I carefully ate my pizza and tried to not look messy while eating, Lapis got a text from Pearl saying the repairs were complete. Now I was starting to eat fast since there was still half a pizza left.

“Woah, slow down babe. No rush, remember? Besides, you can just put it in the fridge at the house and finish it later,” Lapis said.

“Fair point. To be honest I’m actually really full,” I said with a chuckle, and grabbed a to-go box.

After going back to the beach, Pearl and Peridot explained their fixes even though Lapis and I didn’t quite understand what they were saying. I put the spacesuit back on, and once again went into the water with Lapis and Peridot following me. As I went deeper into the water I was mentally preparing for water to suddenly rush in, but so far the spacesuit was working. I gave Lapis and Peridot a thumbs up, and we stayed underwater for a few minutes to admire some fish.

“So I’m guessing it went well,” Pearl asked as the three of us returned to the beach.

“Yep! Though how will I get oxygen when I’m in space,” I asked.

“Ah yes, that’s the next part of the project after I see how it handles under pressure from deep ocean depths. Once the oxygen tank is complete and we attach it to the spacesuit, I’ll go to the moon base via the warp pad and check the oxygen levels. If it’s working properly then you’ll be ready to set off, and if not then Peridot and I will make the required fixes,” Pearl explained.

“Wait, why don’t we just use the warp pad to the moon base and Eric can see space from it,” Peridot asked.

“I mean... that’s the quick way, but I wouldn’t get quite the same experience as flying into space. Though if building a spacesuit is too complicated I’d be okay with just doing that.”

“Oh it’s no problem at all. Besides, I’m sure you prefer flying into space in Lapis’s arms,” Pearl said with a smirk.

I chuckled and blushed. “Well you got me there.”

Peridot giggled. “Building the oxygen supplier will take awhile, possibly into tomorrow, so for the night we’ll sleep at our home at Little Homeworld. In the mean time you two can head over there while Pearl and I continue working.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Lapis said with a thumbs up.

I had only been to Little Homeworld a few times, and being around new people whether they were humans or gems always gave me a certain amount of social anxiety. The gems there were really nice though, so I tried to remind myself that.

When we got there it was starting to become evening. As we walked to the house we passed several gems that waved to Lapis. I recognized a couple of them, and a couple even recognized me as Lapis and Peridot’s partner. Both Lapis and I aren’t the most social, so conversations with gems were short.

Most of the evening was spent watching Camp Pining Hearts and cuddling on the couch. We weren’t sure when Peridot would get here, and there was a chance her and Pearl would work the entire night. As day turned to night we decided to go back to the meadow and watch the stars.

“I suppose the view up there isn’t much different from here, besides the fact I’ll be floating and I’ll have a view of Earth,” I commented.

“Well you can see a lot more stars without the light pollution,” Lapis said.

“True. Do you think I would have a good time visiting Homeworld?”

“Hmm, maybe?”

“Well that’ll be a trip for another time. Pretty easy to go there when we have warp pad technology. If you’re okay with going there that is.”

“Oh yeah, it’s changed a lot for the better. Though it may get overwhelming with all the gems there, and since humans almost never go there they’ll probably be quite interested in talking to you,” Lapis said with a chuckle.

I chuckled along with her. “Oh jeez, I’ll keep that in mind.”

The breeze started to pick up, which made it a little chilly outside. We decided to head back and settle in for the night. Peridot still wasn’t at the house, so we assumed her and Pearl were still working. Lapis and I snuggled in bed while I tried to take my mind off being nervous about going into space. Lapis rested her head on my chest since it felt soothing for her feeling my heartbeat.

“Hm, your heartbeat feels faster than normal. Does that happen sometimes,” Lapis asked.

“I’m just... still nervous. It’s fine though, it’s natural to be nervous about risk taking.”

“Okay. Well, try your best to get some sleep,” Lapis said and kissed me.

“I will. Good night Lapis.”

“Good night Eric.”

It didn’t take long for Lapis to fall asleep. She lightly snored and it felt soothing as I held her. Unfortunately I wasn’t tired despite trying my best not to think about the worries of space travel. It was probably hours before I started to get sleepy.

Unbeknownst to me, Peridot was about to slam open the door and announce the completion of the oxygen tank, but she realized we were probably sleeping. Instead she slowly opened the door and tip-toed in. As delicately as possible she got in bed with us.

“How did it go,” I asked her quietly.

Peridot was slightly startled since she assumed I was asleep. “Pearl is testing it out on the Moon right now. If that goes well then it’s ready for you to use.”

“Oh wow, you guys are quick.”

“Well we are quite skillful. I’m slightly more skillful than Pearl, but she’s very close to my skill level. But anyways, did I wake you up?”

“Nah, I’ve been trying to sleep but I’m pretty nervous about going into space. I definitely trust you guys of course, but it’s still a risk, you know?

“At the first sign of even a microscopic issue we’ll quickly take you back to Earth, but I promise the chances of that are minuscule. Assuming Pearl’s tests go well would you be ready to go up tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I’ll definitely still be nervous, but I’ll be ready as long as I have my two partners by my side,” I said and smiled.

Peridot smiled back and kissed me. “Well let’s try to get as much rest as we can. Good night Eric.”

“Good night Peridot.”

I was hoping with Lapis and Peridot snuggled up beside me I would be able to sleep, but unfortunately that wasn’t case. As they softly snored I laid awake with thoughts going through my head like the fact that I would be one of only a small number of humans that has gone into space, and wondering if my perspective of Earth would change once I saw it from above with my own eyes. Seeing it from an airplane was in itself an amazing experience, but to see the entire globe I wasn’t sure how I would react.

While I eventually fell asleep, I didn’t get much before morning came. Lapis and Peridot were still snuggled next to me and I gently kissed both of them on the forehead. The lack of sleep quickly caught up to me and I could barely keep my eyes open. Since I wasn’t in a rush to get up, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to fall back asleep.

When I opened my eyes again Lapis and Peridot weren’t there. My stomach growled and I realized I didn’t have anything to eat yesterday besides that pizza. I got out of bed and went downstairs, and to my surprise there were donuts on the table.

“Good morning! We know you love the Big Donut so we went there and brought back breakfast for you,” Lapis said.

“Although donuts are by no means nutritional, I know they’re a popular confectionery of breakfast for humans,” Peridot said.

“Awww, thanks guys! Did you two sleep alright?”

“More importantly how did you sleep,” Lapis asked.

“Uhhh, not the best but not terrible either.”

“Well depending on how you feel this is either good news or bad news. Pearl said the oxygen supply worked perfectly on the Moon, so it’s ready whenever you are,” Peridot said.

I took a deep breath and exhaled. “Alright, I’m going to eat, take a shower, and then we can head out.”

“Sounds good,” Lapis said.

Even though I was hungry, the nervousness I was feeling made it a little difficult to eat. I took my time taking a shower partly due to the nervousness, but also knowing that we weren’t on a schedule.

An hour later we headed to the beach house where Pearl was waiting with the spacesuit. “Are you excited,” Pearl asked enthusiastically.

“A little nervous, but yes I’m also very excited,” I replied shyly.

“Ah, definitely understandable, but I’m sure you three will have a wonderful time. If you’re able to you should take a photo of Eric’s reaction when he sees Earth,” Pearl said.

Lapis giggled. “I have my phone ready for that.”

My heart was pounding, but I did my best to breathe normally, especially after I put the spacesuit on. With the oxygen tank it was much heavier, like trying to carry a backpack full of bricks.

“There’s a limited amount of oxygen so don’t stray too far from Earth. There’s enough for a 12-hour roundtrip,” Pearl said.

“You sure you’ll be able to carry me,” I asked Lapis.

“Let’s find out,” Lapis said and swiftly scooped me off my feet.

“You’re so strong,” I said in amazement and blushed deeply.

Pearl giggled. “Well, I think that’s everything. Have fun!”

“Will do! Thanks Pearl,” I said and waved as Lapis took off.

“See you later,” Peridot said to Pearl as she took off on her metal lid.

To be continued in Part 2!

#lapis lazuli #peridot #self-ship #fanfic #stars in the daylight #steven universe #pearl

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pochapal · 3 years

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rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking:

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3.

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it.

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with.

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

#Anonymous #long post #read all of this if you have vested interest in knowing intimate details about my life or whatever

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bonesthebeloved · 4 years

Text

Writing Master post

AN: Here is all mt Sanders Sides related fic and otherwise so it’s easier to find for all of you. Happy reading!

Non fics/ prompt/ headcanon posts:

Sad Roman headcanons Masterpost

Random Creativitwins headcanons

Fluffy Logince headcanons

Fanfics:

All of these link to AO3 for now, I will link the Tumblr versions soon aswell however that takes a bit more digging.

The absence of a necessity Summary: When Thomas stops lying altogether, Deceit and the other dark sides are quick to notice the effects. But it’s only made clear what kind of effect it truly has when it’s already too late…-or- Deceit disappears and the dark sides all grief in different ways. None of them able to accept that he's really gone

Least favourite to myself Summary: Based on this prompt by transformationloveb:Ok I thought of some extra sad Roman angst for you- Ok, what I’d there’s a video where Thomas has the sides shapeshift as their favorite of all the sides (or, currently revealed sides at least). And the situation goes like this: Thomas: “You all change to your favorite side…NOW!” None of the sides change, cause, their favorite side is themselves……Nobody but Roman. Who shapeshifts into a side of your choosing. Thomas is a bit confused at this, noticing what happened. And decides: “Ok, second favorite side.” Everyone changes this time. But roman doesn’t switch to himself, It’s a different side again. “Third favorite?” Different side. “Fourth favorite?!” Different side. “Fifth?!” Different side. “LEAST FAVORITE?!” And Roman goes back to himself. Enjoy.

Red and green makes royalty Summary: Remus and Roman are in the middle of an argument when suddenly, King creativity shows up. An odd thing. Seeing as the two sides needed for his creation were gawking at him from a few feet away.

4 days and 4 months Summary: After a fight, Roman goes on another quest to the imagination. After four days, Patton goes after him. Just to find that the issues might lay deeper than a simple feud

Absolutely nothing Summary: Work based on the poem 'Absolutely nothing' which appears in 'the perks of being a wallflower'. A story about how somebody can lose their grip on happiness and how their friends don't notice

When showers are no longer helpful Summary:Remus and Patton are in a relationship. Not a happy one but that’s okay. Those only exist in fairytales right?

For even if I'm far away I'll hold you in my heart Summary: King creativity knows he doesn't have much time left and sings one final song for Deceit who's much too young to know what is going on.

You did to me what tsunamis do to homes Summary: Patton and Remus fuse for an experiment. Then they fuse again. Then they stay fused because Patton wants them to. When the others finally find out how bad the fusion is hurting Remus, the damage is already done and they have to deal with the aftermath.

I'll write you bloody murder - Intrulogical Summary: "Did you kill him, Lo?" Remus would convince himself that he had been dreaming it. Starting on a new book and buying him and Logan a puppy for their anniversary. Throwing clothes with the tiniest of blood splatters in the washing machine while acting like he hadn't seen the red splash. Like his husband coming back from work a bit too late and a bit too happy while smelling of fresh blood as he kissed him hello was something normal. Like knowing exactly which veins to hit and how long it would take for the victim to bleed out was part of the job. "I killed all of them."

What I am to you- Platonic Dukeceit Summary: Remus and Dee have been friends for so long that becoming anything else seems absurd to them.

Edward Scissorhands - Platonic Dukexiety Summary: Virgil and Remus have never been close. Could barely be called friends even. Virge wished for them having nothing in common.But when he starts to miss their ranting sessions, he goes to Remus his room to find if they still had some shared interests that Remus hadn't ruined for him.He found out that a shared interest existed. Or, more like, shared coping mechanism. But even for all the times, he wished the other to be dead, he never meant to hope for the other to self-harm. And he never hoped for him to do it for the same reasons either.

The tv-stand - intrulogical Summary: Logan imitating Remus in the bloopers video but they're gay and in love.

Tipsy - Logince Summary: It had started out like all of their unofficial dates had up until now. But this ended up being so much better.-Or-Logan gets tipsy and clings to Roman like a koala bear.

Chasing squirrels and sunspots Summary: Deceit has a sphynx cat. She's a queen and snek boy would die for her.

Sharp edges evened out Summary: Remus gets bullied at school. But luckily he has a very caring brother and two rats to cheer him up.

The last bird flew towards the south - Roceit Summary: Deceit is dead. And the last leaves fall off the trees as poison drips from his fangs and the wounds on his arm. And Roman just holds him. And watched the birds pass by as he weeps. And Deceit is dead.

Loud talking, mushy thoughts Summary: Roman, after being wronged by his 'family' one too many times, goes to live with the dark sides. Que protective instincts firing in both Remus and Deceit.

Everything stays Summary: When Remus finds the weapon that belonged to the original creativity thought to be long lost, he asks his brother for help to retrieve it. Based on a lovely comic by chronophobica on Tumblr and the song everything stays from adventure time.

Loved- Roceit Summary: Roman and Dee are married, soft, and use the same pet names me and my partner use. Also, Dee really wants one of the puppies Remus rescued.

Humming and plush butterflies Summary: Virgil does weird stuff and Deceit records itDeceit has endearing stuff and Virgil knows about it.Logan is very confused by both of these things.-OR-I was soft for the lads and felt like shit so have my very first crackfic.

Complicated- Creativitwins Summary: The twins have a complicated relationship with their father and figure it out through the years. >Tumblr version<

The only member Summary: Roman thought Virgil was in the fuck-Janus club too but realises he is in fact the only member.

AN: I’ll try to keep this updated so my work is easier to find. (Hey @lance-alt , It’s nearing 1:30 am BUT I made it cuz you asked. Hope this helps. :) Love ya bud)

#long post #master post #sander sides fic #fanfiction #fanfic #my writing #sanders sides

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thorne93 · 4 years

Text

Inside the Criminal Mind (Part 34)

Prompt: You’re married to Dr. Spencer Reid of the BAU, and are a distinguished doctor yourself on the team. You’re sent down to Miami, Florida for teaching and as a side request from the FBI, to investigate a string of missing persons. When you think you’ve figured out who the unsub is, your life becomes more complicated than you ever could’ve imagined.

Word Count: 3056

Warnings: (throughout the fic –>) death, blood, gore, killings, language, disturbing mental notions, mentions of rapes/murder/etc (You know, Dexter and Criminal Minds related business)

Notes: Thank you so much to @arrow-guy, @carryonmyswansong, and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo - without each of you, I couldn’t have finished, written, or properly navigated this story. Each of you helped me fish out details that were incredibly important to me. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo… Aesthetic by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo

This is a crossover of Criminal Minds x Dexter. First time writing Dexter.

Also, the timeline is after Season 1 of Dexter, but during season 14-ish of Criminal minds into Season 15. Enjoy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The manhunt was still on, and it was hard to pretend like you didn’t know where Doakes was. Dexter informed everyone of the analysis he’d performed, confirming that 18 of the 46 slides where Bay Harbor victims, and 12 were in the criminal database. Forensics was under orders to be ready for any evidence that would be streaming in from Doakes’s apartment.

Dexter convinced the BAU to pull his protective detail, and at the end of the day, you three grabbed some food and went to Dexter’s apartment to discuss options.

“So, what did you two decide?” Dexter asked as he sat down.

“We decided to leave it up to you two,” Spencer politely informed. He wasn’t anything like what he had been before around Dex, or you even.

“Us? Okay, so… Y/N, what do you want to do?”

“I… I want it to be your decision. I’m not comfortable with us killing Doakes, but I also don’t think I could happily live with him being out there accusing us of killing all the time.”

“I was thinking about it on the way over,” Dexter started, putting his fork down. “And I could either turn myself in--”

You started to protest, but he held up his hand.

“Or, we could pin it on him.”

“That’s putting an innocent man away,” you challenged lightly.

“Innocent of these crimes, yes, but Doakes has done some shady shit and he’s killed a lot of people he didn’t have to. When you think about it, who actually contributes more to society? Who has more inherent worth? I have Rita, the kids, Deb. People depend on me, people who need me. I have friends and family. They’d be devastated if anything happened to me, if they knew the truth. Doakes doesn’t have anyone he’s close to. Maybe LaGuerta but even that isn’t a lot of weight. He’s not a horrible cop, he does his job. I do mine. We both keep criminals off the streets.”

You and Spencer gave each other an uneasy look.

“I know it’s not ideal, but he isn’t exactly innocent. I know he’s killed before when he had no reason to. He has a family he never visits, in fact, he hates visiting them. Debra told me about the one time he went to visit them. His mother had asked and asked, and he finally gave in, but she was supposed to help him leave sooner rather than later. But because it’s Deb, they stayed.”

“I don’t like it, but it’s the best option we’ve got,” you agreed. “There are less innocent people to do this to and if we’re going to do it to anyone, Doakes is easier to do it to.”

Spencer simply shrugged and nodded. “Whatever you two think is best.”

“You’ve steered me right this whole time, Dex, I’ll follow whatever your lead is.”

So the plan set in motion. He began to go down the list of things he was going to do and needed to get done. He informed you of everything he planned on doing before telling you something that threw you off.

“I’m going to lie to Doakes. I’m going to tell him that I threatened you and Spencer. I’m going to tell him that you found me, but you were unarmed at the time and I vowed to come after your family, and that’s why you didn’t say anything at the cabin. I made you bandage me up.”

“What? Why?” you asked quickly, panic coursing through you. “Dexter, what are you thinking of doing?”

“Nothing drastic, but in case he gets out, I don’t want him coming after you two. I’ll say it was all me. He hates me, and he’ll be fine to accept that I’m the only killer. Besides, he knows the murders have been going on long before you ever came down to Miami. Secondly…” He took a breath, weighing if he was really about to tell you this next thing. “I’m not going to tell you anything any more. Our deal is off, here and now. Whatever happens with Doakes, whatever I do or don’t do, I don’t want either of you aware of anything I’m doing. Plausible deniability.”

“But we already know you have Doakes hostage,” Spencer retorted, confused.

“Do you?” Dexter challenged. “I use sedatives all the time, they can make your memory go very fuzzy. Look, it’s better this way. I can’t keep dragging you two down into this. You’ve been more than helpful, but now it’s my fault I even have a hostage. So I’m going to clear your names and then from here on out, I’m on my own.”

“Dex, no. Come on, we want to help.”

He shook his head. “I appreciate that. I know you do, but this is on me. We’ve protected you, and that’s what we needed to do. Now, it’s on me. But I can see this makes you two uncomfortable and I’m not going to ask you to do that. I was stupid once by not including you on my decisions, but that’s when it affected all of us. I’ll be sure none of this gets back to either of you and whatever happens, it happens to me and me only, got it?” He stared the two of you down until you nodded.

“I understand,” you quietly responded. “I don’t like this, at all.”

“You’ll like it a lot more than having to go along with whatever my plans are for Doakes,” he retorted.

“I’ll worry,” you gently said.

“I know, but don’t. I’ll be fine.”

“Thank you,” Spencer said with a loaded tone.

Dexter nodded, and after that nothing more was said on the matter. It was as if Dexter had no idea where Doakes was. He turned on the TV and talk quickly changed to lighter affairs and stayed that way.

----------------------

In fact, things stayed that way so well, that you almost did forget Dexter had him locked in a cabin. Dexter stopped you from talking about the case at all to him. He insisted every conversation with him be as if you had no idea what he was doing or capable of. He often turned discussion to things like movies, sports, the weather. Things normal people talked about.

The next twenty four hours were hard on you. You could barely sleep. You kept your phone practically sewn to your hand. Your stomach lurched every time you saw Dexter leave the station. Was he going to set Doakes free? Was he going to kill him? Was he going to frame him? Every option was worse than the one before it.

In the end though, you knew not knowing was hard, but nowhere near as difficult as knowing what he would do.

At one point, Dexter did confide in you that he found out his father killed himself, not that he died of heart failure. You consoled him on this and he said he felt better. It was nice to feel like you were still close, even if there was now a wall there.

Spencer could tell you were on edge, so he took you out to eat, just the two of you. It was the first time you had been alone, really alone since you even got down to Miami. And when you were alone, you were fighting, but not now.

��I know this is hard,” he started, reaching across the table and holding your hand, “but it’s for the best.”

You nodded. “I know. I just don’t want him to do this alone or go through it alone.

“He’s not. He knows you’re there for him, every step of the way. He knows he can reach out to you at any second.”

Again, you nodded again. “What if he does something stupid?”

“Then that’s on him,” he reminded with a half smile. “He’s smart. We trust him, right?”

You nodded.

“Then let’s trust him.”

“Okay,” you said, breathing out. “That’s all I can do. I can’t get an ulcer over this.”

“Exactly. I love you.”

“I love you too,” you beamed at him, trying to recall the last time he’d said that to you.

--------------------------------------

The next day, a bag of weapons and tools were found, with his fingerprints all over them. You fought the urge to look at Dexter. You even started to think about what you’d say to him after this, but you remembered that he didn’t want it. He’d shut it down if you did try to talk about it.

So this was the path he chose…

He was going to frame Doakes.

You weren’t thrilled about it, but it kept him safe and you, and a man didn’t have to die for it.

It was hard to be his friend and not talk about what was going on, so you didn’t actively seek him out for conversations, but you didn’t avoid him either. During one of his breaks he informed you of the mess Lila had gotten Batista in, and just as he was explaining it, two officers came to arrest Batista on the charges.

“Do you want me to help with this?” you asked, begging in your voice.

“My mess, remember? I’ll take care of it.”

“Right,” you said with a sigh, trying not to make any remarks about how so far he wasn’t doing a real bang up job.

“I think my father killed himself because of me, by the way,” he quietly said. “He had seen what he turned me into. The first time he saw me kill someone, he threw up and told me to stay away. It was three days later he died. He overdosed on his medication.”

You pulled him into a hug without thinking. “I’m so sorry.” You rubbed his back soothingly. “You can’t take that personally though. He knew what he was doing.”

A phone call interrupted you two. He said it was Rita with a broken down car and he had to get to her. You let him go so he could go to her and you watched him leave. Still worried as ever about him.

----------------------------

That night, while you and Spencer were at your hotel when you got a text from Dexter requesting your presence at his apartment. He said it was urgent.

You two hauled ass over to his place where he greeted you with a nice meal. Steaks, onions and roasted potatoes, peas, cold drinks, and a cake.

“What’s with the banquet?” you asked. You’d seen Dexter happy, but never quite this… carefree.

“I want to celebrate. Grab a plate and some food and I’ll explain.”

You two did as you were told and you sat down on his couch.

“I’ve been doing some thinking. Today, when Batista got arrested for Lila, and LaGuerta spinning in circles trying to prove Doakes’s innocence, and your team getting the pressure put on you from DC… well I realized that maybe this is what evil looks like. It ruins everything it touches. My decisions have wreaked havoc on lives for over two months now. After I saw Rita, I realized, I’m being selfish. I was just trying to say it was better to frame Doakes, but in the long run, it’ll be easier for everyone if I just turn myself in.”

You dropped your fork, the sound loud as it shattered any happy illusions you had.

“Turn...yourself in? Dex, you can’t. No, I won’t let you,” you adamantly replied. “We’ve worked so hard to keep you in the clear! It’s not just your victims out there.”

“Your handful don’t even come close to the number I’ve accumulated, Y/N,” he calmly retorted. “I’ll happily take them. Look, it’s better I go in calmly now, on my own terms, than to be dragged in like a wild animal. You and I both know one day it will come to that. Between Lila, Doakes, LaGuerta, Batista… I’m going to wind up here again, and I may not have your help to get through it, so I need to do it now. I’ve already talked about taking the kids out for a day with Rita tomorrow. I’m going to get my lawyer to draw up some papers so Deb can take over my accounts. Then I’ll let Doakes go and confess.”

“But… why?”

“Because it feels right. I’ve felt nothing but relief since I decided to do this. I hope as my friend you can respect that decision.”

Tears began to well in your eyes as you stared at the closest friend you’d ever had. “Of course I can respect that. I just can’t… I don’t think I could stand watching you get hauled off in handcuffs, never seeing you except through a thick plane of plastic…” The sobs overtook you as Spencer tried to console you, holding you close.

Spencer chimed in and said, “I think it’s a noble decision, Dexter. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of the decision you’ve made.”

“I appreciate that. As for you, Y/N… You’re the most special person in my life. I’m closer to you than anyone I’ve ever known, including my father. You’ve looked behind the mask and you didn’t run away and you didn’t turn me in. You became a close confidant. I’d like to repay you for all that.”

You frowned as he stood to grab something and came back.

“Several months ago, you came down with nothing more than spare time and some case files and within weeks, you had me pinned for the real killer.” He handed you a packet of papers.

You glanced at the title and it read: Dexter Morgan’s Confession to the Murder of the Bay Harbor Butcher Victims.

Your eyes immediately glanced back up to his eyes.

“I don’t underst--”

“Regardless of what happened after you found me, you did find me. Just you. You didn’t even use your technical analyst. Your entire team took two months to hone in on the wrong guy. I want you to get the credit for finding me. When I go in to confess, I’ll tell them that you caught me and convinced me to turn myself in. I want to be sure you get the cret for that.”

You shook your head violently, tears streaming down your face. “No, Dex, I couldn’t. That feels so wrong.”

“But it’s the truth, mostly. You did find me, and for better or worse, I am confessing to my crimes. It’s the best I can do to repay everything you’ve done for me, so please, let me do it.”

All you could do was nod before getting up to go hug him. He hugged you back and felt for the first time since he could remember, sorrow.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” you admitted through heavy tears.

“You’re gonna be fine,” he assured in that soft way he had. “You convinced a serial killer to give you lessons. I have no doubt you’ll be just fine without me.” he laughed and smiled and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“I don’t want to lose you though.”

“You won’t. There will always be visiting hours,” he reminded.

You swatted his arm. “That’s not fucking funny, jackass.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Okay, but as one of my last free nights instead of talking about me not being free, could you two stay here? I’ve never really slept soundly in my life and I think I’d sleep a lot better tonight with you two here.”

“Anything,” you promised quickly.

He said thank you and you all finished your dinner, trying not to think about the inevitable. Talk flowed freely and actually Spencer and Dexter monopolized a lot of the conversation now that they weren’t at each other's throats. They actually had a lot in common and it made your heart warm. Eventually, Spencer started to fall asleep on the couch but you were still wide awake, so you made your way back to Dexter’s room where he was laying on top of the blankets, a few candles lit in his room.

“What’s with the candles?” you mused with a bit of a hum as you sauntered over and laid next to him. The two of you were on your sides, facing each other.

“Rita got them for me, I might as well use them.”

You laughed for a second before your eyes settled on his, and his gaze settled on you. The two of you stared at each other for a moment before you spoke again.

“Are you scared?” you whispered.

“Not really. I feel less pressure with each step I take. In an odd way, I feel free. I won’t have to hide any more.”

You nodded. “That’s good. I’m glad. You should feel good, and free, and happy. You deserve it.”

“You’re probably the only one who thinks so.”

You shook your head, quietly rebutting him. “No, I don’t think so. Debra and Rita and everyone at the station will still remember all the very wonderful and good things you did for them. I know I will. I’ll remember you consoling me when Spence got kidnapped. Or keeping me level headed when JJ pissed me off. You’re the greatest friend I’ll ever know or have. It’s not just you who didn’t get turned away when your darkness was exposed. You could’ve turned me away too, and you didn’t.”

“I guess I saw something in you I’d never seen. You’re not dangerous and risky like Lila, but you’re not black and white like Rita and Deb. You understand that life is a series of gray encounters.”

Your lips perked up at the corners.

“If it’s worth anything at all, my life is better because you’re in it.”

“Back at ya,” he quietly said.

The two of you spent the rest of the night talking, until early in the morning. Spencer found you on Dexter’s bed, the two of you still facing each other, lying above the blankets, sound asleep. He smiled sadly at the scene before him before waking you so that you two could go home and change. Dexter needed time to get his things in order, and you two had to keep up appearances.

With a final look at your sleeping best friend, you nodded at him, and closed his apartment door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#inside the criminal mind #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #dexter #dexter morgan #dexter fic

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smallblueandloud · 4 years

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1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the writing ask- I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT STOP!!! xoxo

aaaah these questions look SO GOOD thank you so much <3 <3 for this ask meme, which will be open all weekend!

1. tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i pulled open all of my WIP google docs for this and my laptop started whirring ominously, lmao. this is going to be a Little Long but i love talking about my wips so who cares!! (under the cut because EXCERPTS)

guys and dolls but gay - very, very casual rewrite of guys and dolls if sky masterson was a woman. i’m loving how chill i’m being about this one because it’s so much fun to not have to worry how i’m going to write lyrics in a not-weird way and just focus on the story. this one’s first because it’s theoretically closest to being finished.

sky, laughing: “oh? people. all the people you turn down every day. well, i imagine there’s someone out there that’ll catch your eye.”

sarah, stiffening: “...yes, there will be.”

sky: “and what might this person be like?”

sarah: “he will not be a gambler, for one.”

sky does not miss the pointed pronoun. “i’m not interested in what he won’t be, i’m interested in what he will be.” she sits down on the desk, in a pointedly masculine pose, and sets her fedora next to her - at her most Hot Queer, basically. “how will you know when he gets to you?”

my fic for the aos rarepair fic exchange - i can’t give any plot or ship details, for obvious reasons, but it’s 1.3k and i’m having fun with it!

steven roadtrip of destiny - canon divergent fic set at the end of steven universe future where steven goes on a roadtrip instead of... canon. it deals with some heavy emotions and it’s also a character study so it’s tentatively shelved until i get around to rewatching suf. but i am projecting on steven like crazy and it’s really, really cathartic. it’s taught me a lot about myself too lmao.

He’s never been anonymous before. He kind of likes it. It means he can fold his arms on the table and put his head down without Pearl worrying about his posture, or someone asking him if something’s okay.

In the last few months, he’s grown to hate people asking him how he’s doing, or if he’s okay. He always ends up lying, because he doesn’t want to worry them, and he ends up feeling worse.

Probably because it’s more of him supporting other people without supporting himself.

He should have told someone how he was feeling. He should have reached out. Sadie could’ve helped him. Lars would’ve listened. Connie would have hugged him and then found him the appropriate mental health professional.

(God, Steven wants a hug. Also the appropriate mental health professional? Whoever that would be.)

untitled aos fic - i don’t want to give a lot of details because :eye emoji: and also i don’t know much about what the plot of this is going to be anyway, lmao. but here’s an excerpt:

daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) tweeted: two weeks :eyes emoji:

Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: the problem with being friends with daisy is that you SHOULD have some insight into what her tweets mean but you still have no idea

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: Try being married to her

untitled star wars twins fic - because i am a total and massive nerd. i’m just kind of stuffing everything i have feels about from the post-anh era into this and planning on figuring it out later? i’m really loving talking about the culture of alderaan (and the culture of the survivors) and also i just love writing luke and leia’s relationship... so much......

(no excerpt for that one because i’ve basically posted all of it in various posts lmao)

aos ds9 au - i’ve posted a LOT about this already and i want to keep the plot a surprise but fsk is in this and married and half the cast is aliens, what else do you need in life.

“Good morning,” says Jemma, coming into the room with her hair wet and her uniform crooked. “Hello, darling.”

“Hi,” says Daisy, turning her face up for a kiss. Jemma obliges absently as she walks past, looking around the room.

“Has anyone seen my hair clip?”

“No,” say Fitz and Daisy in unison.

and of course, last but never least in my heart, chapter 3 of the magnum opus - writing this is on hold until my brain decides to stop hitting me over the head at every possible moment, but there’s like... 2k written so far? it’s. it’s going.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Coulson, and makes quick work of the right gauntlet. It’s only halfway through the left one that his fingers slow and he says, quietly, “Simmons designed these, didn’t she?”

She lets out a quick breath. “Yeah.”

He stays quiet for a few more seconds, finishing up the last of the straps, making sure they’re tight enough. Finally, he says, “She should be helping you with these.”

Daisy pulls her arms back and swallows down some words, or maybe a couple of feelings, or maybe a sob. “Yeah, well.”

2. tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

the last sentence of the magnum opus!!!!!!!!!!

no, lmao, i’m gonna try to be serious. i really, really want to write some librarians fic in the near future? also MORE OF THE SENSE8 AU. i’m DYING to write some stuff about that. especially sam’s cluster, for some reason? Let’s Make Him Suffer (Comedically)! one day i’m gonna finish that list of what cluster/situation each song is about and then it’ll be over for all of us!

3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

i spent about eight months imagining a scene where riza hawkeye was really injured and mustang was holding her in his arms (basically the promised day scene but with more privacy) so does that count?

hmm, just for some other possibilities: glinda telling dorothy about elphaba, laura somehow seeing or speaking to natasha during catws, a good omens au of the good place (specifically the ”i don’t even like you!” / “you doooooooo” scene), kencyrath au of star wars (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, except setting up the first scene alone would take 7k, but i want to talk about leia and luke and their MESSED UP TRUST ISSUES in this au).

oh, also, something about star trek tng where jean-luc and beverly and jack were in love and then jack died and picard left. more specifically a scene set during the pilot episode where jean-luc very cordially offers beverly the option to transfer off the enterprise, that he wouldn’t dream of holding it against her, and beverly very cordially telling jean-luc to go fuck himself. i want to write 30k of that broken triad. i want it so bad. i dream of that fic. maybe one day when i find myself with a completely empty month or two, i’ll binge all of tng and Write Some Stuff.

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

since you and i have tww in common, i’m gonna do a tww fic! otherwise i’d have to reread literally every fic i’ve ever written, lmao.

(this is long but i put this post under the cut so i have RIGHTS. also consider this a sneak peek for the j/d fic in the sense8 au?)

“It’s okay,” says Helen. She sits for a moment in silence, seeming thoughtful. “The Congressman and I are in the same cluster,” she says eventually. “I’d- I supposed that’s easier on the Secret Service?”

“Yes,” says Donna. “The-”

She stops herself from saying anything further. President Bartlet and the First Lady aren’t exactly quiet about who’s in their cluster, especially with senior staff, but that doesn’t mean she should go talking about it in an unsecured room in LA, of all places.

To cover for her blunder, she gives up something else: “The same with Josh. They got really lucky with him, actually. It’s just him and me, so they won’t have to worry about anyone threatening the Chief of Staff through the barista in the local Starbucks.”

Helen looks up from the Ohio numbers she’d drifted back to, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “Josh is in your cluster?”

“Uh-” says Donna, feeling like national security wasn’t worth whatever she’s just blundered into. Oops. “Josh- Josh is my cluster, ma’am.”

She catches her mistake the second it’s out of her mouth, but Helen doesn’t call her on it, more focused on other revelations. “No wonder you two look at each other the way you do!” she says, sounding delighted. Donna shuts her eyes, praying for this to go away. It’s not that she’s ashamed of Josh - it’s just so, so complicated, and other people never think about how difficult it was. Still is.

i’m just... i really liked the idea of donna fumbling and having to reveal this to cover up for what else she was going to say? i don’t know why i’m so charmed by this. i think it’s because it would be impossible in the show - you can’t show what someone was going to say on television, not without a lot of setup and very careful scripting. it’s just a really fun situation to write about and i’m really proud of this conversation in general.

also helen santos was a dream to write and i love her a lot. i kind of want to write one of the fics in the series about her and her cluster solely because like... look at her. she’s a delight in literally every scene. i love her.

5. what character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

daisy johnson!!! i love writing daisy johnson!!!! she is the most adhd character i’ve ever written and i literally just have to transcribe my own inner monologue and it works perfectly!!!!!

Swing shift: 1600 hours to 2400 hours. Daisy always ends up getting back to her quarters at like 0030 hours, when Jemma is asleep and Fitz is reading some kind of technical journal. Then she has to eat replicated pizza, alone, and freshly replicated pizza is actually pretty hot but it feels cold at that time of night, like, spiritually.

6. what character do you have the most fun writing?

...whoops i literally just answered that lmao. uh. i also really love writing sky masterson in the guys and dolls fic? she’s just weaponized hot queerness in a suit and i love her for it. she is intentionally trying to seduce this repressed lesbian and it’s really funny and also really hot of her and it’s so much fun to write.

also, i wrote chidi for the tgp fic and it was possibly the most fun i’ve ever had with a pov, although that was also because i was purposefully trying to mimic the tone of the show. i still think that line about michael and a grenade is, like, the funniest i have ever been in my life. but chidi’s panic was surprisingly easy to write? all of tgp’s characters have such STRONG voices, it makes writing fic ridiculously easy as long as you don’t get stuck on a plot for six months.

7. what do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? would others agree?

oof, this one is ALWAYS tricky. uh? uhh?? i’m going to ruin everything by saying this but i basically alternate between the same two sentence structures and i am really frustrated about it. i also alternate between the same two styles of endings and i always use the same beginning (set scene, main character pov, thoughts-as-exposition, back to scene).

BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE i like to talk about emotions and relationships and character development!! i have my “queer subtext goggles” superglued to my face, lmao. i like to think about how characters must have felt about things in canon and how it must’ve influenced them. i like making people deal with the consequences of their actions, especially how it’s influenced they themself. i also just really, really like writing people who love each other, whether it’s romantic or platonic or anything in between. i just want them to be happy! i just want them to stick together! doesn’t matter what fandom, i stand by it.

#loudwithlaughter #sb and l rambles #sb and l answers #sb and l is writing #thank you for sending this in!!!!!#now for literally All The Tags lmao #aos ds9 au #verse: fitzskimmons thingy #fic: you're a candle in the window #verse: and it's golden #mcu ideas #tgp ideas #st ideas #fic: help me hold on to you #fic: on that bumpy road to love #jesus CHRIST that was a lot of tags #okay okay i'm pressing post now #this was such a delight thank you SO much for sending it!#the steven roadtrip of self discovery fic

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