#...because your relationship with a trans person will likely /not/ affect a trans stranger...

[tarotwithavi]

What first impression will your future lover have of you?

Let's find out what first impression would you leave on your future lover / future spouse / long term partner .

⚠ these pictures do not belong to me. This is a general reading so take what resonates and leave the rest that doesn't.

If you want to support me please leave a note.

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Thank you for your precious time! I hope you have a great day! ily ♡

PILE 1

Hello pile1, I'm really excited to interpret the cards you got! So first things first I'm getting that they will see you as someone who is not afraid to stand out of the crowd and do your own thing. Like you're not afraid to try new things . You are not afraid to dance without music, sing out loud, smile at strangers, do your little silly dance while eating something very delicious. I'm also getting that they'll see you as someone who can smile and laugh in stressful situations. You're someone who stands out of the crowd. You bring happiness wherever you go like sunshine or some of you might even be called by that nickname. They will see you as someone who has seen and experienced a lot of things in life. I'm also getting that you can meet them in an educational Institute or at someone's birthday party/ wedding/ etc. Of course these are not the only situations you can meet them but the one's I'm getting specifically. Also they'll see you as someone who has been through the same things as them , you both could mirror each other. They'll see you as someone who is emotionally mature and available. Someone who's not afraid of commitment. I'm getting that they'll see a mother/father figure in you because I see that they might have mommy or daddy issues or both idk. They'll see that you are not what you show the world. You could literally be crying on the inside but still have a smile on your face or vice versa. It's like they'll see right through you. They will see you as someone whom they'll like to settle down with or start a family with.

I'm also getting that if you're a closeted gay/lesbian/bi/trans they'll also see that because they have been in the same situations as you. They'll see that you're stuck somewhere and they'll help you out. This person can even be your gay awakening if you know what I'm saying. Leo / Aquarius / Taurus signs are really coming out here . Numbers 2,5,10 could be important for you. You'll see rainbows when you meet them or this could be important.

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PILE 2

Hello pile2, I feel like some of you might be attracted to pile 1 so make sure to check that out too. Okay so let's start with your reading. Your future lover will see you as someone who works for themselves. Someone who is not a slave of others and knows their worth. They'll see you as someone who won't settle down for anything less than what they desire. They'll see you as someone who is not affected by the words of others and always has their heads high. Someone who is very strong both physical and mentally. I'm getting that some of you can have curly hair/wavy hair or your hair will stand out the most to them. Someone who can offer a fulfilling relationship but they'll also see that you'll not be looking for a relationship at that time or it may seem like that to them. They'll see that you have abandonment issues and you don't want to be Left behind in the crowd. You fear that people will replace you with someone and that you're not anyone's first choice/priority, but that doesn't stop you or have any control over you. You shine for yourself. You're free like a bird and always put yourself first. They'll see you as someone who shines the brightest even when they are just sitting down reading a book or sitting in the corner with their headphones on. You'll be very noticeable to them. They'll see you as someone who is firm on their words and thoughts, if you decide to do something you'll do it nothing can change your mind. Another thing is that they'll notice your eyes first. You might have cried a moment before or they'll see a lot of sadness in them.

You might be rude to people or don't really interact with people because you fear that you'll unintentionally hurt them. But for some of you I'm getting that you guys will not just give your time and energy to people easily. If someone wants your time they'll have to work for it. Your future lover will find you very adorable and cute no matter if you will be younger or older than them. July month could be important for you. They could have K, V, U, A in their name.

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PILE 3

Hello pile 3 , how are you guys doing? I hope that you're doing great! Some of you might have been attracted to pile 2 too. For you I'm seeing that your future lover will see you as someone who is hungry for success or wants to achieve good things in life. Someone who is working hard for their passion. They will see you as someone who might struggle with choosing what's good for you or just not very in tune with your thoughts and actions. You might meet them on your way to achieving something , on your way to success or when you will be getting recognition for your work. They'll see you as someone who's very artistic . You might be listening to music, getting praised for your drawings/sketches etc. When they will notice you. They'll see you as someone who's very spontaneous and doesn't stop easily . For example if you have completed a task or work given to you , you'll find another one soon. You always try to keep yourself busy as if you're scared of your own mind. They'll see you as someone who's very popular or well known. Very attractive and charming too. They'll love the way you deal with people like not being rude but still proving your point? Something like that. They'll love your voice too. You might have a low pitched soothing voice. They'll think that you are their destiny. The person they have been waiting for. They'll see you as someone who is goal oriented. It might be a love at first sight for them.  You could even teach them a different language or your mother tongue. You might have a different cultural background. They'll see you as someone who has a lot of money, is very abundant and someone who comes from a rich and wealthy background. But also someone who needs to find balance in their life. Sometimes you might take up two works at a time or be involved in two different tasks, so that can be overwhelming for you. Also someone who goes from transformation or you will be going through a transformation when you meet them. Someone of power. White rabbits could be important here or they could give off the vibe of a bunny. Also white animals are very important here

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#pick a card tarot #pick an image #pick a photo #pick a picture #pick a pile #tarot cards #pick a card #tarot reading #free readings #free tarot #tarotblr #pac tarot #tarot witch #tarot commissions #tarot community #intuitive readings #psychic readings #tarot pac #tarot pick a card #astrology and tarot #tarot and astrology #tarot of tumblr #tarot reader #tarot readings #oracle reading #SoundCloud #Spotify #tarotonline #tarot #tarot divination

[cazort]

I find it very weird how so many people on Tumblr nowadays are like "age in bio or I block you" and it makes me wonder if these people have any experience living as an adult in the real world. These people never explain the rationale behind their demands.

Like 99% of the places I go it would be considered rude, socially awkward, and sometimes even creepy to ask another person their age, especially an adult. People can be touchy about age for a variety of reasons, most of which come down to some type of discrimination or bias which can go both for being old or being young.

Businesses or other organizations with legal cutoffs for age or other valid reasons to know a person's age will do so discreetly and only when needed. Most of the time the business doesn't even know or record the person's age, they just want to check whether or not it is over some sort of legal limit, like 21 for purchasing alcohol or 18 for a lot of other things, or older or younger cutoffs for a few other things. (Related: I'm fine with people saying their blog is for 18+ and they are 18+.)

Age can also be a sensitive topic for trans and gender-nonconforming people. We trans people often have a more complex relationship to age, especially people who pursue HRT but even those who don't, often experience a "second puberty" where we go through changes including both physical changes and social / mental / lifestyle changes that involve exploring various aspects of life and gender-expression, and we often do this a lot later for the gender we identify as, than our cis counterparts do. Gender also affects how people see us, like I notice that people often think I am younger than I am because of "feminine" presentation choices that I make, and this is less likely when I present more masculinely (such as if I don't shave my face), and I've noticed that people with more strongly pronounced sex characteristics (like facial hair, a deep voice, or a curvy build with big breasts and hips) are often seen as older than they are, especially in their younger years, whereas people with more androgynous builds and features are more likely to be read as younger. I've repeatedly had people tell me I'm lying about my age when I am being 100% honest, so it's like, displaying my age sometimes opens me up to negativity and harassment from people who think I'm lying. So again, all of this can be sensitive for us trans and GNC people, so demanding ages is likely to bring up more sense of weirdness and conflict for trans people, especially since a lot of us have people read our ages very wrong, just based on how we look, and because also people can judge us for "age inappropriate" behaviors as adults, which interacts with how we trans people are often viewed as "creepy". So demanding ages in bios is going to be harder on trans people and thus comes across as somewhat anti-trans and cisnormative, especially when it comes from cis people who show no understanding of trans people's issues. And I've noticed these are most of the people demanding ages in bios.

There are also other reasons not to want to share your age. People under 18, or even younger (or much older) people who are over 18, also might not want to advertise their age because it might attract predatory behavior or other unwanted attention. Younger and elderly people alike are often targetted with scams. And in general, age is yet one more potentially valuable piece of personal data that scammers are interested in collecting so it's not a good idea to just put it out in plain view on the internet for any stranger to be able to see and collect.

Demanding ages in bios is also totally unnecessary and doesn't seem to have any benefits. Tumblr already has built-in measures for marking content and/or blogs as NSFW. Anyone can lie about their age so demanding people put ages in their bio does nothing and may even create a false sense of security surrounding interactions where a person's age is relevant.

Also, so many people will update their bio once and then never change it. Like one person I follow, whose blog is very active, has had the same age listed in their bio for like 7 years, so the figures shown are often wrong just out of sheer negligence. And this is okay, like I'm not gonna run around policing people like "You have to update your blog bio or I'm gonna unfollow you!" what kind of uptight authoritarian bullshit would that be?

And like what are people even expecting to accomplish with this sort of demand? I just don't get it.

Here's how I think about ages in bio:

I don't care whether or not you put it there.

If I don't know you, I'm gonna take whatever number you put there with a grain of salt because I know you could be deliberately lying, or just never updating your bio.

Even if I trust your listed age is accurate, I don't really want to think about it very much. Ageism is a thing and people can have biases both against younger and against older people. I want to see everyone the way they are, not based on my preconceived notions about them. Things like maturity, wisdom, naivety, immaturity, experience or inexperience, will speak for themselves and manifest in different ways, and I want to focus on who you are and what you say and do, not some number that gives me an impression of how you "should" think at your age. If you have the maturity of a middle-schooler, I don't care if you're 55 I'm not gonna give your perspective special treatment. If you have something intelligent to say or some deep insight, and the idea speaks for itself, I'm gonna listen to you no matter how young (or old) you are.

If you demand ages in bios it makes me conclude you are probably not someone who is safe for me to interact with, even if you theoretically would want to interact with me (which you probably don't because I have never put my age in my bio.) As someone who has experienced sometimes severe ageism both for people judging me for being too young, or too old, in certain situations, it tells me you are out-of-touch with IRL social norms and are willing to impose new norms that 99% of people would find rude, and that you're probably the kind of person who would make negative or untruthful snap judgments about me for all sorts of reasons, probably not just age, and therefore that I don't want to interact with.

So yeah. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.s

#age in bio #its weird #tumblr etiquette #maturity #immaturity #age #ageism #trans #transphobia #second puberty #age discrimination #respect #honesty #tumblr #social norms #weird social norms #where are people taught to be like this? #it makes no sense #i don't understand people sometimes

[lillified]

Hello! I hope you don't mind this, but I've been trying to better understand He/Him lesbianism, but google isn't very helpful and I've heard a lot of explanations and I wanted to hear your side of it since your Megatron seems to align with that? Your explanations tend to make more sense to my neurodivergent brain 😅

-Bi lady trying to better understand the peeps around her ❤

I mean, I’m probably not the best person to explain this and you’re probably better off asking someone who is one, since everybody’s reasoning and experience is different. I’ll try to give a basic overview to get you started, but I really can’t claim to speak to everyone, if even very many, people’s experience:

The basic principle is that pronouns are social arbitrage and are indicative of how other people in society perceive you, but they are limited to describe the scope of gender experience. you may not be a man, but still identify strongly with masculinity and “benefit” from some of the social consequences of presenting and performing masculinity—or, in many cases, the rigid expectation of femininity is just way too narrow and suppressive. The tragic fact is there really isn’t a lot of precedent or understanding for women who aren’t feminine or perform feminine roles, and those expectations are so ingrained that they infect the core of people’s expectations of womanhood. I’ve heard butches describe that sometimes it’s just easier to use masculine identifiers because it helps people understand, which is something I’ve experienced to a lesser degree (even now as I’ve become less ambivalent with my gender I still frequently call myself “guy” and “man” and similar things).

All that being said, presenting socially as masculine doesn’t necessarily change who you are, or how you experience the world. Butchness is very performative and masculine, but deep down most butches have a connection to women and femininity that is extremely strong. Womanhood is an isolating and often dangerous experience, and, historically, lesbianism isn’t JUST about relationships, but the effort of women to find protection and support from sexism, oppression and violence within themselves. Being butch, even to the point that you “pass” and don’t experience as much targeting for being feminine, doesn’t erase your connection and experience with the feminine, and with womanhood. Whether you are cis or trans, your experience of the world and your treatment at the hands of other people has, and probably will always be, affected by that overarching social expectation, and often detriment, of womanhood.

Being butch is a personal celebration of the fluidity of one’s gender and the performance of masculinity, but just because it rejects the appearance of the feminine, that doesn’t mean it dislikes or “rejects” femininity. This is something I’ve struggled to reconcile for myself, but it feels demonstrably true. Your physicality, appearance, and social role may appear masculine, but manhood is more than just short hair and pants, just like womanhood is more than long hair and dresses. They’re simple blanket statements intended to describe a range of human experience that is extremely vast, both socially and biologically. Your pronouns can describe you to strangers and peers, but they don’t always represent your experience and reality, and that’s where you get he/him lesbians, who are masculine in performance, but feel a connection and allegiance to womanhood that is far deeper than someone who identifies as a man might.

that being said in Megatron’s case (can’t believe we got here from a transformers question), while I use he/him pronouns for him, they aren’t his only ones, nor are they even the ones I’d say he’d choose. I see him as ambivalent, and a performer; he presents a very exaggerated, masculine persona to hold power and communicate strength, so masculinity is something others see and expect from him. In a situation where power games weren’t mandatory, I could honestly see him preferring other pronouns. I guess that does kind of tie in with what I described, lol.

Anyway, I hope this helped, at least a little bit! I got kinda rambly there, apologies. I feel like the nightmare scenario of guy whose interests include gender study nonsense and transformers. once again, I am just one person and I’m definitely not the best qualified, so please seek out other material if you’re confused, and remember that everybody’s relationship with gender is completely different!

#ask #text #text post #long post #megatron

[denjis-chainsaws]

°•●~| Chainsaw Man |~●•°

Character(s): Denji, mentions of Power and Aki Hayakawa

Genre: Headcanons, relationship, fluff

Reader: Male Reader (masc. pronouns and nouns, trans-inclusive), second person (you, your, yours), maybe a little dense pre-relationship?

Extra Notes: As per usual in every fandom I have seen very little male reader content, especially for Denji. If no one else will give him a boyfriend, then I'll write it myself. Also, no real idea for a time frame, this just generally takes place during Part 1, though certain bits can be applied to Part 2.

《 || - - - - - - - - || 》

Denji isn't a stranger to having feelings for someone, that boy falls for anyone who shows him a crumb of kindness. But he isn't used to falling for another boy. He's not opposed to it, it's just very new to him like most other relationship-type things.

So then in comes you to sweep him off his feet. Metaphorically or literally! Either way he is absolutely enamored with you. From your looks to how you carry yourself to the way you speak, everything about you renders him speechless.

At first he panics. He was raised by himself out in a cabin in the wilderness for most of his life, he doesn't have the foggiest clue about social norms and the like. By the time he's brought to Tokyo and is able to read manga and magazines, the only thing he's seen are relationships between men and women. The only time he's ever felt attraction up to that point was towards women. He didn't know if feeling this way about another boy was normal.

It causes him such distress and inner turmoil that it affects his patrols with Power and Aki. Power isn't much help since she has as similar a grasp of social norms as Denji. Aki, on the other hand, tells him quite bluntly that it's fine and shouldn't be causing him this much strife. After that his feelings towards you just kinda click, "Oh... Cool."

Once it sinks in, he's very obvious about his feelings. Everyone can read him like a book, it's embarrassing. Yet somehow it seems all of that has gone over your head, leaving you oblivious to his pining. It takes him asking you out directly to realize his feelings may extend past friendship.

Denji is a simple man that enjoys simple things, so simple dates are up his alley. Walking around the streets in the evening, going to a theater to watch a movie, or grabbing some good grub from a nearby food cart or truck. It would be his treat like a real gentleman, if he had any money to speak of. Though he promises to pay you back! Someday!

You teach him the intricacies of relationships. Largely of how they're take AND give. Many of the women Denji has chased after in the past were always taking and taking, and rarely ever giving if at all. Maybe he isn't feeling that way because he's dating a boy... Are men really that different from women in relationships? Denji doesn't know, and ultimately he doesn't care. He's happy to have a significant other who loves and cares for him as a real person.

Denji has no sense of personal space and is always clinging to you. He loves PDA and is incredibly shameless to boot. If you're walking around somewhere, he's holding your hand. Sitting somewhere to wait for a bus or just to relax, he's squeezed up tight against you and wrapping an arm around you no matter if you're smaller or bigger than him. Hell, at one point he begs you to try that cliche trope of using two straws to drink from the same shake or smoothie together. He saw it in a manga and thought it was pretty cute, so it had to be just as cute to try it in real life, no?

If you're not comfortable with the amount of physical affection Denji provides, you don't have to be afraid to speak up about it. Denji is crass and uncultured, but he's not that uncivilized. He is still getting used to everything, but above all else he wants to make sure his boyfriend is happy and comfortable, so he'll learn to tone down the clinginess if that's what makes you feel better.

You, on the flipside, learn more of his quirks. He loves praise and reassurance. All of this new stuff he's learning can be very intimidating, and as much as Denji can put on a face and handle it, he does doubt himself a lot. A simple pat on the back and words of "Good job!" can go a long way for him.

If you like to cook, Denji devours anything you make for him. Doesn't matter if you're a beginner or a five-star chef, he loves everything you make. His only request is to avoid any kind of coffee or tea, he's not too fond of the "mud" and "leaf" water.

At the end of the day, whether you're staying at Aki's his place or yours, his favorite thing to do with you is unwind in bed together. You could read him a book, he loves your voice and all the fancy words you read aloud. Maybe you have a TV in your room, you could watch one of those late night auction programs and laugh at the people who waste such exorbante amounts of money on mundane things with pretty names attached. Or if you still have the energy to spare, maybe you could let Denji rest his head on your lap and run your fingers through his hair. He loves it when you do that. He loves it whenever he can be close to you and will snuggle up to you at the earliest opportunity. He's so used to holding Pochita in his sleep, and has been using an extra pillow as a subpar replacement ever since Pochita gave him his heart. Now he doesn't need the pillow so long as he has you.

#Chainsaw Man #CSM #Denji #Denji Chainsaw Man #Denji CSM #denji x reader #denji hayakawa #denji x you #chainsaw man headcanons #csm headcanons #denji headcanons #csm x reader #written and edited on mobile #denjis-chainsaws || mod jay #first actual post on the writing blog and i am terrified lmao

[whumpy-wyrms]

mundane and rot for the ask game :3

(from this ask game)

34. MUNDANE - Would you survive in the shoes of your main character?

I THINK ABOUT THIS A NORMAL AMOUNT (all the time) SO. would i survive if i was Dew… short answer: yes i’d basically become best friends with Anton right away because i’m insane.

long answer:

it depends on whether i Knew Anton beforehand or not (about to say the most unhinged shit and expose myself but idc), but either way, if i got kidnapped by a mad scientist who used me as a test subject but actually tried to be Nice to me and GAVE ME FREE TOP SURGERY AND WINGS… I DON’T THINK I WOULD WANT TO LEAVE. THINK ABOUT IT. if there was an autistic trans mad scientist who was best friends with a talking mouse and could give me wings i think i would choose to stay in sci-fi world instead of living on my own working at mcdonald’s and struggling to pay rent (that’s metaphorical, i don’t do that stuff (yet unfortunately)).

and i wouldn’t even be trapped there against my will for long either. i would literally Not last long as Anton’s test subject because the second we become friends and trust each other, he’ll just feel bad about hurting me and literally let me do whatever i want. we’d team up and become unstoppable. i would be free to do my own thing but like, still hang out with him obviously and i’d show him the beauty in the world and change his mind about the whole,, torturing innocent people thing. basically i can fix him. that’s what im saying here.

also not to spoil but Anton’s the type of guy where like, the second he’d form a genuine human relationship with someone, he’d just abandon the whole “kidnapping and (unethical) experimenting on unwilling human test subjects” thing. because there’d be no real point anymore. yeah, science makes him happy but so does having a best friend! and he’d still be a silly mad scientist!! but ethical!! mostly!! we’d team up, abandon the whole immortality thing because it’s stupid, and go hunt down Pierce and kill him!! it would just be fun.

if i was Dew, i would literally scrap trying to escape and instead focus on becoming friends with Anton because that Would Be one of the best outcomes. so yea :3 i may be weird but at least im honest about it (honestly though, i daydream about being friends with all my ocs :( they’re just so cool and we would get along so well. im normal. ignore me). this got long and rambly oops

OH YEAH about if i Knew Anton beforehand or not, like if it was a situation where the Present Me right now, like the person who is typing this and Knows everything about Anton because i created him, then that’d def affect things because i’d have access to all my prior knowledge about his character and backstory. it’d def make things faster and easier because like, i’d know who he is and what he’s capable of, and he wouldn’t be a complete stranger. but if i DIDN’T know Anton and if he was literally a stranger to me and not my oc, then it’d be scary at first but it’d still turn out the same.

i mean you guys don’t understand how deep this goes. before Dew existed, the daydreams i had with the unnamed scientist whumper (Anton) were all just,, Me as his test subject whumpee. i was Dew before Dew was Dew. OBVIOUSLY HE’S NOT A SELF INSERT ANY! MORE! HE’S HIS OWN COMPLEX FLESHED OUT CHARACTER COMPLETELY SEPARATE FROM ME! but that’s just how all my whump scenario daydreams started, and then i got attached and had to make characters and stuff.

i am rambling so much rn ANYWAY! yeah. this was a fun question that definitely won’t make people think i’m any more weirder than i already am (im not rereading all that so if there’s typos ignore them <3)

39. ROT - Which of your OCs is the best villain?

this is a hard one i think,, like out of the tllr ocs the actual villain of the story would be Pierce (not rlly a spoiler because it’s pretty obvious i think) but he’s not the BEST villain because i hate his guts (but he’s like Actually evil and terrifying and thinking about him makes me Afraid and filled with despair).

is Anton really a villain? yeah. but i guess i see his character differently than u guys because i know his character development later on in the story, and i know his entire backstory too. so that def chances my perception of him compared to how everyone else views him i think? maybe? idk

#ask #tllr ask #wyrms lore

[olderthannetfic]

Referencing post/683325663061655552/men-are-historical-oppressors-interacts-weirdly

Did we just forget what the word historical means?? Like I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings or something but cismen have, through nearly all eras of western and many other cultures been the oppressing class. Intentionally. Through much of our recent history (recent here meaning, let's say the 1200s until the 1900s) women were considered the property of the men in thier lives, could not own, purchase, hold money title or land, and could be savagely beaten without consequence.

Society is still widely built on many of the basic tenants and ideology that men are superior in all ways. This is just as much an issue for trans people because it negatively affects them no matter what thier agab was.

None of us get to live in a world divorced from this history and trying to pretend like it's problematic to point out its existence and influence because the idea of gender has expanded is misguided and wholesale bullshit. It's actively harmful for trans people of all stripes. It's just as much their history as everyone else's. They are just as affected by the societal implications.

And yes, that means trans women will feel the crushing weight of sexism in day to day life and trans men will too. People who pass particularly well in public will be treated as in/outgroup from strangers for all of the ways that applies. You can find a hundred and one discussions from trans people about the kind of culture shock they go through and the insidiousness of current gender relations between perceived cis women and men.

The present understanding of the world does not erase history, history informs the present wether we want it to or not. Trans existence does not fundamentally alter gender relations, culture, history, or relationships for the rest of the world. It just means they get to muck through even more of it.

Women, ALL women still deal with misogyny both systematic and interrelational. So do all men, because the societal power it affords comes at a cost. All of us NBs are at the whim of whichever group we're generally perceived as. Sorry it's historical. I think you'd find a great many of us wish that it weren't.

They're literally about to over turn Roe. While that is absolutely going to affect a great deal of trans men and other non-cis people, it is directly intended by cis men as a tool to subjugate cis women. This is not only ancient history, it is also current history. Trans people are still people in our society. Acting like they are above it or removed from it is insanely insulting and othering. They're not dogs, they don't get exempted from fraught social relations re:gender on the basis of not Being One of Us.

They are us, they are just as affected, they are just as vulnerable and susceptible to the messaging and groupthink, they are still people.

Not to bang that note a million times but these milquetoast takes really really piss me off. It's so fucking patronizing to act like trans people are somehow entirely removed from society and thus not a part of it or are exempted from how it's shitty. It quite literally presumes them to not be people.

I'm nb myself but presumed female in the world at large and like what? My personal take just removes me entirely from the situation? Cops won't arrest me for running around tits out bc 'no, no you see these aren't female breasts theyre entirely genderless.' No, the cops are going to take me and my nonbinary double ds to the county jail all the same, because I will be perceived as a woman by those around me and I will be treated as such, including the double standards on toplessness and nudity and every step above that on the stairs of oppressive sexism.

A transman with a crying cis woman in public will be perceived as the aggressor regardless of the situation. A cis woman hitting a trans man in public will not be taken seriously by 99% of the people passing by. Trans people are just as much victims of this system and history as anyone else.

--

[violentviolette]

Hello, I was wondering if I could have a second opinion on something. I don't believe you have watched "Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" but I wanted your opinion on Leonardo possibly having ASPD. I apologize in advance if 'diagnosing' a character seems stereotypical and/or offensive, it isn't my intention and I don't believe he does have ASPD (he seems more ADHD/Autism coded than anything else) but wanted an opinion on the symptoms that do seem to overlap with the PD.

In short, I'm basically asking; what level of violence/aggression does one have to consistently showcase to be diagnosed as a pwASPD? It's hard to properly understand Cluster B PDs due to the spread of stereotypes and everything across all prevalent communities, which is why I'm asking. You're free to ignore this if you don't want to answer. I may be phrasing this ask wrong (I do Not Know Words) so I apologize again if I'm enforcing a stereotypical stance here unintentionally.

It's really annoying that this disorder is continually spread as an irredeemable criminal disorder and nothing else. It really messes with my understanding of it, so I want to better my understanding of the anger and violent aggression(s) struggle of this disorder without bias.

so okay a couple things, first i dont mind headcanon asks and i think its normal and natural to see urself reflected in characters and want to analyze them thru that lense and give them traits u have. every fictional character i have ever liked is trans cause i say so kinda vibe, so no worries there. altho ive not watched rise yet so i cant speak to any of those characters specifically (though ive heart its amazing and its on my list) when it comes to ur actual questions theres really 2 answers because talking about fictrional characters and real life people is completely differnt. for example, leonardo lives in a fictional universe where he fights bad guys for a living. him going out and brutally kicking the shit out of and murdering nameless faceless henchman of an evil organization isnt considerent agressive physical violence the way it would be if a real life person put on a turtle costume and went and did the same. we dont expect a mutant ninja turtle to feel regret or shame or sadness or deal with social and interpersonal reprocussions after slamming a hand members face into the ground u know? thats his job lmfaooo so u have to adjust ur thinking accordingly

so what is considerd a disordered level of aggression and physical violence in a real life person vs a character are going to be Wildly different. so the metric u have to use is less about individual specific actions or levels and is instead more questions of is this level of aggression and physical violence

1. a disproportionate and unreasonable response/reaction to the situation at hand. for example, if someone is threatning to stab u, punching them in the face is a reasonable and proportionate reaction to the situation. whereas punching a friend or partner in the face because they did something that upset u is very much not and therefore disordered. if ur immediate and instinctual response to small scale distress is violence that u impulsively act on, then it's most likely hit the level of a disordered symptom and should be counted and considered

2. does it negatively impact, affect, and get in the way of the important relationships with others u are trying to make. does it cause ur life distress, struggle, and make it overall harder for u to be close to and connect with others when and how u want to. is it harming the people around u and who come into contact with u in ways that negatively impact ur life and make it more difficult for u to interact. for example, there's a difference between being agry and aggresive and violent towards say a parent or ex who abused u and a stranger or good friend. being angry and reacting with violence towards people who are trying to or are/have hurt u is a normal and natural response to abuse

everyone experiences anger and agrression, and sometimes, violence and aggression are the correct healthy and normal response to a situation. othertimes they very much are not, and that distinction is what dictates whether or not something is a symptom that needs to be addressed. so looking at the situation around the aggression and violence and what causes it to manifest is very important when considering what is and isnt a symptom

#jack.speaks #anon #aspd #i normally dont put headcanon asks in the tag and instead use #aspd headcanons #but since this is talking about how to identify that symptom in general and can be applied irl i feel like its relevent #and might be helpfull for other ppl too

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

You KNOW i'm here to ask about Cat 📝👀 🥵🧠👀👂😍💘🦴💞🔥💐

You've really got the brainrot, huh? Honestly, same.

Anyways! Let's get these answered, under a cut cause it's gonna be beefy. And if anyone wants to ask more, here's the questions!

🥵 : Is your OC perceived as physically attractive to others? Is it at first glance or is it something that takes more time to reach fruition? It's kinda 50/50. She's 6'8, roughly 300 lbs of muscle, scar tissue, and friendliness. Not everyone's into big and there's plenty of folks who are happy to make that her problem I'm not projecting, but for the folks who do like that sort of thing, she's a dream come true. Isn't she, hon? 😏

🧠 : What is your OC’s most mentally attractive attribute? Her openness, I'd say. Very free with compliments, happy to chat with a stranger about whatever, naturally kind and friendly, quick to offer her help and her trust, etc. She wears her heart on her sleeve regardless of how many times it gets torn off and stomped into the dirt and just radiates Friend Energy.

👀 : Does your OC believe they are attractive? Do they use that to their advantage? That's... a complicated question. She's personally very happy with her body, likes how it looks and what she's capable of, is happy with her vibrant, meticulously matched hair and lipstick and haphazardly smudged-on eyeshadow, but given her experiences with other people and choices she made with her transition, she doesn't believe she's particularly attractive to anyone else. And no, partly because you can't use what you don't know you have, and partly because she's not inclined to take advantage of anything really.

👂 : Does your OC have an attractive voice? I don't know how to describe it, but short answer, I'd definitely say so. In my head she sounds like Natasha Lyonne. Between that and her main real life reference being Natasha Aughey, she's got a lot of Natashas in her influence.

😍 : What does your OC find irresistible in others? Kindness. Not necessarily on the level she gives, and not necessarily niceness. In fact, she's a sucker for someone who's kind, but also a massive bitch about it. Someone who can draw a line and enforce a boundary better than she can. The ability to see past what she does, to why she does it? If they understand she's what she is by choice and that nice doesn't always equal happy, on top of being right there next to her to help someone who needs it but also more than willing to get catty at the ones who are dicks about it, she's probably already smitten. Also, strong legs and pretty eyes.

💘 : Is your OC a very good flirt? Are they charming? A good flirt? Not fuckin' remotely, at least not on purpose. She's definitely charming though, especially when she's not thinking about it. Very free and easy with affection and touch; hugs, holding hands, casual arm around a shoulder, sat next to someone and leaning on them while they're each doing they're own thing, etc. Good listener even if she has no idea what people are talking about, friendly and honest, always willing to help and forgive, etc. She's had a fair few secret admirers (in part only secret because she's dense as hell) because of it.

🦴 : Does your OC have much sexual experience? What are they like? Not remotely. She's kissed a few people, sure, but not many. Had a serious relationship with a girl back home that... didn't end well. They got to the clothes-finally-coming-off part of things and she kinda flipped out at Cat being trans and not telling her (because Cat didn't really realize the specifics of what was in her underwear was gonna be such a big deal). Then-girlfriend said a lot of not-so-kind things all at once and then never said anything to her again after storming off. She hasn't really trusted anyone to get that close since. As for what she'd be like, after getting over the initial nerves and getting some experience under her belt (heh), she's enthusiastic. Swings between fast and eager enough to forget her own considerable strength, or slow and careful, bordering on full on worship like she's trying to memorize her partner. And if someone else wants to take the lead and give orders, she's more than happy to benefit from their experience.

💞 : Do they treat sex casually or do they view it as something with a lot of emotional weight? It's not full-on "Only With The One" levels of serious, but there's definitely some weight there. Again, given her experiences, her lack of experience, and her, uh, choice of equipment when she had her magic-fueled transition, there has to be at least some level of genuine trust there. It doesn't have to be True Love or whatever, but it's gotta mean something, even if it's just "hey, you're my friend who's had my back in all these other things, I know you won't hurt me here either."

🔥 : What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered? What isn't??? If it's overt enough to get through to her that someone isn't Just Being Nice, she's gonna turn pink and forget half the words she knows. She's not used to any kind of romantic gestures; whether it's gifts, dates, or just being made to feel pretty, she's hopeless. And again, anyone who bothers to look past the smiles and apparent naivete to see the sheer amount of work she puts into choosing to be kind, that heart is no longer being worn on her sleeve, it is in their pocket now and let's hope they take care of it.

💐 : What is their courting style? How would they woo someone? She's not really one to do the pursuing, partly because by the time she's noticed that someone's interested, it's because they beat her over the head with it. If she likes someone enough to get over the crippling depression and self worth issues Make A Move, it's very nervous, kinda overthinking, Sticking To The Basics. Flowers, gifts, maybe ask them to dinner, all in that awkward, endearingly clumsy way she does anything she thinks too hard about. Might miss the mark trying to Stick To The Rules of courting rather than actually remembering what the person likes, and may have to be reminded to relax a few times, but her heart's in the right place and she's doing her best.

#answers to questions y'all actually asked #my ocs #cat noble #although in these iterations it's gonna be cat jameson #ask meme #kade

[a-wild-things-rambles]

hi the post above finaly got me to wright down alot of my thoughts to do with john and the community's hes been part of and how that affects him [through my eyes as a younger person in alot of the same community's, looking at the people who have lead similar lives- minus the occult stuff[mostly]] its long but there is a tldr

[for context my tags on the post: #especialy “John wouldn’t probably own a bisexual flag ever or have any pride memorabilia”#that really made something click im my mind for john#alot of they way i approach john is through the lens of an old punk#idk how to explain but you have these people that are subtely off from the norm but normal people cant quite put a finger on#and you could never tell from looking that they say go to all the protests and riots and sing for the tories to die#theres people who wear it proudly#and people who hide it because of others reactions#or just cause its personal and not strangers buisness#i feel john grew up with people having enough reasons to put him down. hes not handing them more#but also theres a difference between pride in part of your identity and showing other ppl and strangers it#some stuff is very personal- im p out and proud queer but there are some other apects of my identity that im very proud of#but dont want to shout from the rooftops#cause its personal#and i think thats how john feels about his bisexuality#its part of him and i dont think he hates it#but its just. a part of him#sorry for the long tags tldr your right and i hadent thought about it like that but it makes alot of sense#john constantine]

I always feel it’s important to look at the character and the history, and not ascribe newer ideas and things to older characters- i think there is a lot of value in looking at how john would approach it differently than lot of people now- especially looking through the groups has been part of, the people I know like john [northern, working class, dysfunctional family situations, bounced around alternative groups and subcultures] sexuality isn’t really a big thing? people are accepting of queer people but. it’s just not a thing that’s announced, gender roles are being broken by most people anyway and there’s just this acceptance and disregard of labels that tends to come from being in the mixed community of all types of people who have all had millions of different labels - I found out that two of the people I consider my aunts are both bisexual cause my mum was joking about how they can pick anyone but neither have had a long term relationship. it’s just so casual, you love who you love, and you are who you are and it’s not really anyone’s business- i found out an old friend of both my parents was a trans woman- unfortunately I never met her before she passed- but I wasn’t told until years after I came out as trans because it wasn’t a big thing, just one part of the identity of an old friend. I think it’s hard for a lot of queer people to see someone talk about 'oh we don’t care about the labels' and how it’s not that important, but the way it is now and was seems to be the true ideal of that idea- no one cares about the labels- if they turn you down they turn you down, if they correct the pronouns they have corrected the pronouns, "be who you wanna be do who you wanna do". You’re the captain of your fate.

I mentioned bouncing around groups and labels, and it’s something I see a lot of irl and very much informs my view of john, I am part of a community of people who have all been through different subcultures and groups- rude boys and metalheads and hippies and punks and travellers- all having stood against the mainstream but found no one label fits them. most of the people I have met at the gatherings have very complex identities- rude boy to punk to post punk- hippie to punk and so on, the mixing and combining of subcultures to make something that’s the best of all the things you love and are- I know we talk a lot with john about him being punk/expunk- but he was a hippie for a while and has been part of many subcultures- to view him as a binary- punk and then post that, seems reductive- I know these days people have ideas more solid borders on subcultures, you’re a punk or a goth, rude boy or hippie- disregarding the long history of people being part of both or multiple groups- and the groups that form from those overlaps. so yea I think it important to acknowledge that john has been part of many subcultures and that informs him- especially the identity issues due to not being wholly one thing, it’s why my community is great- no one is simple, it always a mix- folk and punk, ska and folk, dub sets played on fiddles and banjos- it’s about celebrating our defences, and coming together in our differences to appreciate and celebrate the complexities and contradictions of others, and the things that come from that. one love and all that.

we are the sum of our experiences- and we should celebrate that!

but it comes to a point where you get tired of breaking down all the influences and your just you. are you punk? are you buy? are you a rude boy/girl? are you gender queer? you get tired of the labels and boxes and are just you- after all YOU are the sum of your experiences. other people can look at you and try an analyze you but that’s their thing- your you and the labels that used to matter don’t as much- your comfortable being you, you like some of the music some people do and some music others do- you dress like this but also like that. labels and trying to be a certain thing can get tiring, it’s easier to just be you. it’s a long road to get there- and a hard one to- but as much as I revel in being part of a group of people with the same experiences as me- it can get tiring having the only parts of my identity they engage with be the part we share- god knows I’ve made lots of friends through queer solidarity but sometimes I want to be me not the labels, to be looked at in three dimensions, its why there is a community of people whose best answer to most questions is 'it’s complicated'

ok that ran away from me but that’s why I think johns identity is complex and his queerness isn’t a big thing he shows of.

tldr: often people who go from subculture to subculture trying to find something that fits them get to old and tired to make themselves into the latest thing and no longer can be asked to care about labels and end up content being them and if u wanna try and break them down into all the separate identities then that’s your thing but it’s a bit weird mate. And that’s why I agree that johns not loud about his bisexuality.

#john constantine #thebirdrambles #oh boy that was long #i hope i make sense #this didnt fit in the replys and i didnt want to reblog with this mountain of text #disclaimer: im speaking from my own experiences and how that informs my veiw of john if u disagree thats chill just dont be mean #dont try and invalidate my lived experiences tho #ok finally posting this monster

[queerlich]

White Supremacy & Gender: Religion

Christianity as a religion has been used to suppress queer folks over the ages. It is also a foundation that many people have used to excuse their white supremacist beliefs and by extension, their anti-queer beliefs.⁠ From sex shaming to bioessentialism, we've all heard some form of these beliefs. A common example is how our bodies "are created in God's image" and how dare we change that or deviate from what their god intended for us.⁠ Whether it comes from a family member, a friend, or a stranger on the internet, it's a shitty statement that implies changing our bodies to reflect who we are is immoral/sinful.⁠

Many queer folks have had to re-navigate their relationship with spirituality (whether it’s Christian or another religion). For some, that means rejecting it, reframing it, or discovering something new to replace those beliefs. It can be hard to find the spiritual communities that do affirm us, and we know they are out there, but where? We often end up practicing alone, having given up on finding the community we desire for our own safety. For me, it looked like creating and believing in a spirituality of my own making. Where ancestral healing, queerness, and divinity co-exist. Where I (and every human) am as much a deity worthy of being honoured as any god.⁠

I believe all bodies are divine by existence. It is the one body we get. Changing it to ease dysphoria/experience euphoria over being in it, is worship and prayer to our own divinity. However, under white supremacy, there are ideals for women & men's bodies (that include being cis/white as a baseline). Trans, non-binary and GNC people don't fit those ideals, let alone the baseline expectations of what cis folks would expect of them. We often challenge these ideals because we don't adhere to the gender binary, and signal it through aspects like pronouns, names, or overall presentation.⁠ If someone is pre-surgery/HRT or opts for no surgery/HRT, we are asked "what is the point of you being trans?" or "are you even trying?". Many people conflate our worth with how well we conform to the ideals of women or men set out by white supremacy.⁠ While an ideal for non-binary bodies hasn't yet been created, we are starting to see something like that happen with many cis folks insisting we have to be "perfectly androgynous" for us to get respect.

Add being a racialized person to the mix and there is another layer of bias, expectations, and stereotypes that whiteness places upon us. Whiteness wants us to abandon the parts of our ethnicity and culture that challenge white supremacy. It seeks to erase culture and create a unified nothing. But we don't have to subscribe to that ideal, in fact, I encourage you to challenge it. How can you celebrate your gender, your queerness, integrated into your culture? What could that look like?

NOTE: If you are white and reading this, then yes, this affects you too! How much do you know about your ancestry? Just a thought.

But your worth isn't tied to how well you pass or perform gender. Your worth is something you decide for your Self.⁠

What does it mean to be worthy by being trans?⁠ What does it mean to be you & to express your gender in the ways you want?⁠ I invite you to reflect on what transition goals you have created because of genuine desire vs. what has come about because of the presentations that society wants for us.⁠

P.S. It's okay if you have a transition goal that is based around passing due to the inherent safety that can come from it or just because that’s how you want to look. My invitation is for you to lay out where your goals fall so that you know how you are influenced & to move forward with awareness. If you want to change a goal, it's up to you to decide.

#blog post #archive #originally posted some time ago

[homosexuhauls]

15 JUNE, 2021 by Chimamanda Ngozi-Adichie

IT IS OBSCENE: A TRUE REFLECTION IN THREE PARTS

PART ONE

When you are a public figure, people will write and say false things about you. It comes with the territory. Many of those things you brush aside. Many you ignore. The people close to you advise you that silence is best. And it often is. Sometimes, though, silence makes a lie begin to take on the shimmer of truth.

In this age of social media, where a story travels the world in minutes, silence sometimes means that other people can hijack your story and soon, their false version becomes the defining story about you.

Falsehood flies, and the Truth comes limping after it, as Jonathan Swift wrote.

Take the case of a young woman who attended my Lagos writing workshop some years ago; she stood out because she was bright and interested in feminism.

After the workshop, I welcomed her into my life. I very rarely do this, because my past experiences with young Nigerians left me wary of people who are calculating and insincere and want to use me only as an opportunity. But she was a Bright Young Nigerian Feminist and I thought that was worth making an exception.

She spent time in my Lagos home. We had long conversations. I was support-giver, counsellor, comforter.

Then I gave an interview in March 2017 in which I said that a trans woman is a trans woman, (the larger point of which was to say that we should be able to acknowledge difference while being fully inclusive, that in fact the whole premise of inclusiveness is difference.)

I was told she went on social media and insulted me.

This woman knows me enough to know that I fully support the rights of trans people and all marginalized people. That I have always been fiercely supportive of difference, in general. And that I am a person who reads and thinks and forms my opinions in a carefully considered way.

Of course she could very well have had concerns with the interview. That is fair enough. But I had a personal relationship with her. She could have emailed or called or texted me. Instead she went on social media to put on a public performance.

I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. But I mostly held myself responsible. My spirit had been slightly stalled, from the beginning, by her. My first sense of unease with her came when she posted a photo taken in my house, at a time when I did not want any photos of my personal life on social media. I asked that she take it down. The second case of unease was her publicizing something I had told her in confidence about another member of the workshop. The most upsetting was when she, without telling me, used my name to apply for an American visa. Above all else was my lingering suspicion that she was a person who chose as friends only those from whom she could benefit. But she was a Bright Young Nigerian Feminist and I allowed that sentiment to over-ride my unease.

After she publicly insulted me, it was clear to me that this kind of noxious person had no business in my life, ever again.

A few months later, she sent this affected, self-regarding email which I ignored.

Friday September 15 2017 at 4.35 AM

Dearest Chimamanda,

Happy birthday. I mean this with all my heart, even though I know I have fallen (removed myself?) from your grace. It would be impossible for me to stop loving you; long before you gave me the possibility of being your friend you were the embodiment of my deepest hopes, and that will never change.

I think of you often, still – stating the obvious. I grieve the loss of our friendship; it is a complicated sadness. I’m sorry that I caused you pain, or to feel like you can no longer trust me. There’s so much that I wish could be said.

I pray this birthday is the happiest one yet. I wish you rest and quiet and abiding stability, and of course more of the kind of success that means the most to you.

I hope mothering X is everything you hoped and prayed for and more.

Have a wonderful day today.

Love always.

About a year later, she sent this email, which I also ignored.

Thursday November 29 2018 at 8.42 AM

Dear Chimamanda,

I realise this is long overdue and vastly insufficient, but I’m really sorry. I’ve spent so much time going back and forth in my head and my email drafts; wondering whether to write you, how to write you, what to say, all kinds of things. But in the end, this is the thing I realise I need to say.

I’m sorry I disappointed and hurt you by saying things publicly that were sharply critical, unkind and even disrespectful, especially in light of all the backlash and criticism you experience from people who don’t know you. I could have acted with more consideration towards you. I should have, especially given the privilege of intimacy that you had offered me. There are many reasons why I chose to behave the way I did, but none of them is an excuse. And I clearly realise now, after many, many months of needless sadness and angst and hurt and actual confusion, that I did not treat you as a friend would—certainly not as someone would to whom you had offered unprecedented access to yourself and your life.

You’ve meant the world to me since I was barely a teenager. It’s been very hard navigating the emotional fallout of the past several months, knowing you were displeased with me but truly not quite understanding why, then deciding I didn’t care, then realising that would never be true. I’ve always cared. But I was too mixed up about the situation to be able to make sense of it, or properly see past my own justifications. I’m sorry it took me so long to grasp how I let you down.

I realise that I don’t have room to ask anything of you, but I would be grateful for a chance to say this in person. Still, even if I never get that, I really hope you believe me.

Congratulations on restarting the workshop, and on all the other amazing successes of the past several months. I think of you often; it would be impossible not to. You look so happy in your pictures. I really hope you are well.

All my love,

I hoped never to hear from her again. But she has recently gone on social media to write about how she “refused to kiss my ring,” as if I demanded some kind of obeisance from her. She also suggests that there is some dark, shadowy ‘more’ to tell that she won’t tell, with an undertone of “if only you knew the whole story.”

It is a manipulative way of lying. By suggesting there is ‘more’ when you know very well that there isn’t, you do sufficient reputational damage while also being able to plead deniability. Innuendo without fact is immoral.

No, there isn’t more to the story. It is a simple story – you got close to a famous person, you publicly insulted the famous person to aggrandize yourself, the famous person cut you off, you sent emails and texts that were ignored, and you then decided to go on social media to peddle falsehoods. It is obscene to tell the world that you refused to kiss a ring when in fact there isn’t any ring at all.

I cannot make much of the hostility of strangers who do not know me – fame taints our view of the humanity of famous people. But the truth is that the famous person remains irretrievably human. Fame does not inoculate the famous person from disappointment and depression, fame does not make you any less angered or hurt by the duplicitous nature of people. To be famous is to be assumed to have power, which is true, but in the analysis of fame, people often ignore the vulnerability that comes with fame, and they are unable to see how others who have nothing to lose can lie and connive in order to take advantage of that fame, while not giving a single thought to the feelings and humanity of the famous person.

And when you personally know a famous person, when you have experienced their humanity, when you have benefited from their kindness, and yet you are unable to extend to them the basic grace and respect that even a casual acquaintanceship deserves, then it says something fundamental about you.

And in a deluded way, you will convince yourself that your hypocritical, self-regarding, compassion-free behavior is in fact principled feminism. It isn’t. You will wrap your mediocre malice in the false gauziness of ideological purity. But it’s still malice. You will tell yourself that being able to parrot the latest American Feminist orthodoxy justifies your hacking at the spirit of a person who had shown you only kindness. You can call your opportunism by any name, but it doesn’t make it any less of the ugly opportunism that it is.

PART TWO

When I first read this person’s work, which was their application to my writing workshop, I thought the sentences were well-done. I accepted this person. At the workshop, I thought they could have been more respectful of the other participants, perhaps not kept typing dismissively as others’ stories were discussed, with an air of being among people below their level. After the workshop, I decided to select the best stories, edit them, pay the writers a fee, and publish them in an e-magazine. The first story I chose was this person’s. I wrote a glowing introduction, which the story truly deserved.

They sent this email.

Fri, Aug 7, 2015, 8:20 AM

Thank you so much for that introduction. It means so much to me and I’m going to keep reading it to get through the rest of my stay at Syracuse. I sent it to my mother and she got nervous about the piece because you said ‘it disturbs’, said she’s not sure how she’s going to feel when she reads it. But she’s also one of those ‘let’s leave the past in the past’ people. My sister approved, which meant a lot because our childhoods were each other’s.

All that to say, I’m so grateful you gave me the space to write the short version of this piece, the encouragement to write the longer piece, and now, a platform for it. I definitely have plans to write more about Aba.

Thank you, with all my heart.

PS- I wanted to sign off gratefully + gracefully in Igbo but I said let me not fall my own hand 🙂

About a year later, they sent another email to let me know that their novel would be published.

Wed, Jun 8, 2016, 8:20 AM

Greetings!

I hope all’s been well with you this past year. Belated congratulations on the baby’s arrival, I hope she’s being a delight (I’m sure she is), and on the Johns Hopkins honors.

I was thinking about how this time last year, I’d just received the email from you about Farafina and I wanted to reach out with a quick update. I’ve just accepted an offer for the novel I excerpted as my application and it feels like the workshop was a catalyst for the events that’ve led me here. So, thank you, for the workshop and your words and the Olisa TV series and listening to me babble on about my story at the hotel. I deeply appreciate all of it and you.

All my best,

Before the novel was published, I spoke of it to some people, to help it get attention. I had not been able to finish reading it. I found the writing beautiful, but the story false-hearted and burdened by bathos. When I spoke of the novel, however, it was the former sentiment that I expressed, never the latter.

After I gave the March 2017 interview in which I said that a trans woman is a trans woman, I was told that this person had insulted me on social media, calling me, among other things, a murderer. I was deeply upset, because while I did not really know them personally, I felt they knew what I stood for and that I fully supported the rights of trans people, and that I do not wish anybody dead.

Still, I took no action. I ignored the public insult.

When this person’s publishers sent me an early copy of their novel, I was surprised to see that my name was included in their cover biography. I had never seen that done in a book before. I didn’t like that I had not been asked for permission to use my name, but most of all I thought – why would a person who thinks I’m a murderer want my name so prominently displayed in their biography?

Then I learned that, because my name was in the cover biography, a journalist had called them my “protegee” and they then threw a Twitter tantrum about it, calling it clickbait, viciously disavowing having received any help from me.

I knew this person had called me a murderer, I knew they were actively campaigning to “cancel” me and tweeting about how I should no longer be invited to speak at events. But this I felt I could not ignore.

I sent an email to my representative:

From: Chimamanda Adichie

Date: Wed, Feb 14, 2018 at 2:06 PM

I’m writing about X

She attended my Lagos workshop two years ago and I selected hers as one of a few pieces I published after the workshop.

Apparently I was referred to as her ‘mentor’ and/or she was referred to as my ‘protege,’ in some articles, which led to her tweeting about it. Her tweets were forwarded to me by friends. In them, she reacted quite viscerally to my being called her ‘mentor’ and her being my ‘protege.’ To be fair, she is not technically my ‘protege,’ and it is perfectly fine that she feels this way, but her ungracious tone and the ugliness of the energy spent on her tweets surprised me.

I recently received her book and noticed that my name was included in her official book bio. I was stunned. Surely if she is so strongly averse to my being considered a person who has been significant in her career, (which is my understanding of the loose use of protege/mentor) then it is unseemly to make the choice to include my name in her bio. I found it unusual, as I don’t think I’ve seen it done before in a book bio, but I also now find it unacceptably cynical.

It is only reasonable for a person who sees my name as it is used in her bio — ‘her work has been selected and edited by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’ — to assume some sort of mentor/protege relationship.

To publicly disavow this with a tone bordering on hostility and at the same time so baldly use my name to sell her book is utterly unacceptable to me.

I’d like you to please reach out to her publishers and ask that my name be removed from her official book bio. I refuse to be used in this way.

After contacting her publishers, my representative wrote:

They have asked whether your preference would be to remove the Acknowledgment to you in the back of the book also, in future reprints.

I replied:

I don’t think that is my decision to take, and so will not answer either way, although it would be ideal if she herself made the decision to do so.

On the subject of how to go about it, I was absolutely determined not to be used by this person, but I was also sensitive to the costs the publisher might incur, as this was not in any way the publisher’s fault. Instead of pulping the already printed copies, I asked that the jackets be stripped and rebound. To my representative I wrote:

I’m completely determined that I not be used in this opportunistic and hypocritical way. But I want to make sure to proceed reasonably.

I was assured that my name would be removed and I moved on.

But from time to time, I would be informed of yet another social media post in which this person had attacked me.

This person has created a space in which social media followers have – and this I find unforgiveable – trivialized my parents’ death, claiming that the sudden and devastating loss of my parents within months of each other during this pandemic, was ‘punishment’ for my ‘transphobia.’

This person has asked followers to pick up machetes and attack me.

This person began a narrative that I had sabotaged their career, a narrative that has been picked up and repeated by others.

The normal response would be to ignore it all, because this person is seeking attention and publicity to benefit themselves. Claiming that I have sabotaged their career is a lie and this person knows that it is a lie. But if something is repeated often enough, in this age in which people do not need proof or verification to run with a story, especially a story that has outrage potential, then it can easily begin to seem true.

My addressing this lie will indeed get this person some attention – may they bask in it.

Here is the truth: I was very supportive of this writer. I didn’t have to be. I wasn’t asked to be. I supported this writer because I believe we need a diverse range of African stories.

Sabotaging a young writer’s career is just not my style; I would get no benefit or satisfaction from it. Asking that my name be removed from your biography is not sabotaging your career. It is about protecting my boundaries of what I consider acceptable in civil human behavior.

You publicly call me a murderer AND still feel entitled to benefit from my name?

You use my name (without my permission) to sell your book AND then throw an ugly tantrum when someone makes a reference to it?

What kind of monstrous entitlement, what kind of perverse self-absorption, what utter lack of self-awareness, what unheeding heartlessness, what frightening immaturity makes a person act this way?

Besides, a person who genuinely believes me to be a murderer cannot possibly want my name on their book cover, unless of course that person is a rank opportunist.

PART THREE

In certain young people today like these two from my writing workshop, I notice what I find increasingly troubling: a cold-blooded grasping, a hunger to take and take and take, but never give; a massive sense of entitlement; an inability to show gratitude; an ease with dishonesty and pretension and selfishness that is couched in the language of self-care; an expectation always to be helped and rewarded no matter whether deserving or not; language that is slick and sleek but with little emotional intelligence; an astonishing level of self-absorption; an unrealistic expectation of puritanism from others; an over-inflated sense of ability, or of talent where there is any at all; an inability to apologize, truly and fully, without justifications; a passionate performance of virtue that is well executed in the public space of Twitter but not in the intimate space of friendship.

I find it obscene.

There are many social-media-savvy people who are choking on sanctimony and lacking in compassion, who can fluidly pontificate on Twitter about kindness but are unable to actually show kindness. People whose social media lives are case studies in emotional aridity. People for whom friendship, and its expectations of loyalty and compassion and support, no longer matter. People who claim to love literature – the messy stories of our humanity – but are also monomaniacally obsessed with whatever is the prevailing ideological orthodoxy. People who demand that you denounce your friends for flimsy reasons in order to remain a member of the chosen puritan class.

People who ask you to ‘educate’ yourself while not having actually read any books themselves, while not being able to intelligently defend their own ideological positions, because by ‘educate,’ they actually mean ‘parrot what I say, flatten all nuance, wish away complexity.’

People who do not recognize that what they call a sophisticated take is really a simplistic mix of abstraction and orthodoxy – sophistication in this case being a showing-off of how au fait they are on the current version of ideological orthodoxy.

People who wield the words ‘violence’ and ‘weaponize’ like tarnished pitchforks. People who depend on obfuscation, who have no compassion for anybody genuinely curious or confused. Ask them a question and you are told that the answer is to repeat a mantra. Ask again for clarity and be accused of violence. (How ironic, speaking of violence, that it is one of these two who encouraged Twitter followers to pick up machetes and attack me.)

And so we have a generation of young people on social media so terrified of having the wrong opinions that they have robbed themselves of the opportunity to think and to learn and to grow.

I have spoken to young people who tell me they are terrified to tweet anything, that they read and re-read their tweets because they fear they will be attacked by their own. The assumption of good faith is dead. What matters is not goodness but the appearance of goodness. We are no longer human beings. We are now angels jostling to out-angel one another. God help us. It is obscene.

#chimamanda ngozi adichie #femimism #nigerian feminism #radfem safe #gender critical #radical feminism #cancel culture #forgot the link oops

[vrisrezis]

My mcu favs w/ crush and relationship hcs (pt 2) (not proof read)

- gonna be honest she’s not familiar with romantic feelings, takes her awhile to even realize what she feels for you

- you make her heart all melty and soft, you make her face heat up, you make her question everything she does

- you make her feel even giddy and overly happy and it kinda annoys her tbh

- she thinks you’re out to get her or something and have casted some spell but when she asks thor he has no idea what she’s talking about until she describes what she’s feeling and he just laughs and thinks she’s joking

- she’s like no. I’m serious ?

- to which thor would tell her what it is, he has a bit of an idea because of Jane

- tbh loving somebody romantically, caring about somebody to this extent scares her

- she’s lost so many people and because of it became a raging alcoholic

- if she lost you she doesn’t know what could happen

- she tries to push you away but quickly realizes she doesn’t like doing that to herself or you

- asks you to go out drinking with her often if you’re up for that

- she’d find it funny how easily you get drunk but has no problem taking care of you, in fact she would probably drink with you more often so she can take care of you because it’s the closest to intimacy she feels she can have with you (no she is not taking advantage of you or anything, it’s more just the thought of taking care of you feels intimate to her)

- also you’re cute while you’re drunk

- trans with you so you can be tougher if you’re not that tough already

- tbh asks thor to do the same with you, whether it be cuz she’s not around or because you need the extra training

- eventually Thor’s at the point where he’s like you gotta tell em and she’s like no 🖕

- but she does eventually

- she’s kinda awkward about it but she tries to sound confident with it ^^

- dating you is very different than just being her friend tbh

- like you might’ve been surprised at her asking you out, even if it’s kinda obvious to anybody that knows her well

- to any stranger you just seemed like friends with a strange rivalry relationship but that’s really not the case

- she’s much more flirty in a relationship, since she’s confident you’re with her for a reason.. she’s not the type to doubt your relationship, you’re with her for a reason

- much more protective in battle though

- she doesn’t say she loves you enough, but she shows it through her actions

- asks thor about the romantic stuff but he has no idea really so she goes to Bruce who kinda has more of a grasp on it

- tries to take you to like normal restaurant dates... kinda awkward since she had no midgardian clothes at that point

- lotsa quick kisses on the cheek or forehead

- likes cuddling as she finds it just.. kinda intimate ?

- still likes to take care of a drunk you

- quick pecks on your lips are very often

- doesn’t like the idea of going on a lot of Thor’s saving the world shits unless you’re on board with it

- thor jokes about how she’s all badass and “I don’t give a fuck about saving the world or anyone else” until it comes to you

- she kicks his ass

- but he’s not wrong

- when she likes you she’s a bit like wtf

- like she doesn’t realize it for a moment until jane explains it

- before she was her usual talkative self but there was a lot of nervousness and stuttering at times, just unusual awkwardness that made Jane raise a brow

- it makes more sense now

- since she’s aware she likes you now she often asks you to hang out, to help her out, whatever it is

- the gal is clingy af what can she say

- lotsa hugs she loves giving you hugs often does them for a greeting

- just an excuse to hold you though tbh

- at times will get tongue tied

- she tries to flirt but it just makes you confused she’s not good at it you’re not even gonna know she’s flirting

- eventually grows impatient about it and is just like “I LIKE U DUMMY! DATE ME!”

- and now you date

- she gets into things a bit quickly so if it’s too fast tell her, hopefully not a dealbreaker

- dates are often because she’s got a lot of creative ideas for dates ^^

- still hugs you as a greeting but a lot longer and intimate and a kiss follows after

- speaking of kisses she LOVES to kiss you and she does so very often

- very needy

- big cuddler

- just like “CUDDLE ME”

- so demanding

- often talks about you and how much she loves you she can’t help it

- but if anybody did the same she like “shut up nobody cares”

- even with you though she’s blunt, but much nicer about it

- likes going on just good dates, restaurants , picnic, whatever

- she eats all the food

- tries to impress you so she might say she was best friends with thor at a point

- and that she’s helped him out before and .. yeah etc

- she likes buying you clothes tbh

- especially if you don’t dress good let her dress you up pls

- would be sad if you didn’t get along with Jane

- it would be a dealbreaker actually

- she knows she’s a bit much so she feels happy you love her anyways

- vision of course will not understand his feelings

- he understands you definitely make him feel something, that something being good

- for a moment he might think he feels like this is how best friends feel towards another, or even thinking he sees you in a familial light

- tony quickly tells him that is not the case

- once vision understands what he really feels he’s not sure how to go about it, he can be quite oblivious

- he’s aware of this but still .. what does he do?

- asks tony for advice, he tells him to flirt and see how it goes

- but tbh that doesn’t work, you don’t even realize he’s flirting gonna be honest

- he’s just bad at it

- so he tries to just simply state his affection, that doesn’t work because he doesn’t know how to word it without it sounding platonic, or getting too nervous about going too far

- he doesn’t wanna overstep boundaries

- tony is in pain watching this btw

- tony eventually is just like “he wants to know if you would like to go on a date” “w- I.. yes?”

- in a relationship he is very sweet

- kinda cliche though, since he doesn’t have a concept of romance at all

- looks up a lot of the things he should know about romance he doesn’t want to ask you that

- while he has no problem protecting you, he doesn’t feel the need to be overly protective unless needed

- he’s logical, reasonable, he only gets protective if he has to, even with how he feels towards you

- but do you distract him? Yes absolutely

- he’s okay with living comfortably and normally for once with you, unless it’s something you don’t want or are not ready for

- once you’re conditioned to a certain lifestyle, even if it isn’t a good one it can be uncomfortable to get out of and he understands that

- he loves to kiss you, often initiates kisses or forms of affection

- you were the first to kiss him, it made him so flustered but so happy and now he’s addicted to kissing you

- loves kissing your hands

- if you have any insecurity he will do anything in his power to prove you wrong and that he doesn’t see you in that light

- he understands he has responsibilities but other than that, loves spending his time with you

- he understands you’re a distraction so he tries not to fight with you, he wants to prioritize the people when it comes to this kinda thing

- which you of course understand

- once you teach him what dancing is, his love language is dancing with you

- you two just stay up talking about nothing and everything

- having kids with him isn’t an option, but he isn’t opposed to adopting children

- after all, all he’s ever wanted was to be a normal significant other to you

- do not have a huge concept on her character so forgive me 🙏

- she can be a bit flirty, not that you mind though right ?

- she just loves spending all her time with you

- probably met you before wandavision

- so you’re probably already together

- even then in wandavision you two were “roommates”

- doesn’t explain all the flirting girl .

- agathas fall would be letting Wanda find out she had a soft spot for you my god

- while she’s all confidence and flirty in general, she’s a bit softer with you

- like she genuinely means the things she says when it comes to you

- eventually asks you to date her, you don’t have much room for dates outside of wandavision

- you two are always together btw

- loves dancing with you

- she has a good grasp on romance so she has no issue with it

- she is full of confidence when it comes down to it tbh

- holds your hand often

- your relationship ain’t official till like the 70s probably

- might joke after wanda has kids that you both should have kids too

- while she’s causing her mischief you back her up to make her look less suspicious

- seriously in the mist of all this she’s grateful for you

- especially when you get her out of the hell that Wanda puts her in once again

- to which she will actually confess she loves you, and cares for you

- you aren’t just like.. some person to date

- she’s not the most vulnerable obviously

- so the fact she finally is.. it’s just a lot

- “idk I just love u a lot hun . Cant I show I love u 😊”

- she’s just so overly sweet with you

- she’s so awful to everyone else at times that she just likes being .. with you and being a softie

- likes you playing with her hair

- she loves a good cuddle

- cute nicknames like hon, or hun, or just teddy bear

- with a crush quill might try to act overly friendly

- and probably flirts a lot

- he’s very like obvious with the flirting so you’d have to be oblivious not to notice it

- he can be quite protective as well

- like not just in fighting but even with just others like even before dating he’s very jealous

- if he makes a joke you’re always in on it somehow

- he tries for form a close bond with you just cuz he likes you so much

- it’s likely he likes somebody that can easily protect themselves doe

- probably has some dumb handshake with you

- honestly he acts like a close friend to you

- people might mistake you for a sibling like relationship if it weren’t for his flirting and him staring at you like you’re his entire universe

- seriously Sam says Bucky has a staring problem, quill is fucking awful

- it’s constant and rocket is always like “you’re staring”

- and he’s like “nO” and then continues to stare

- has you listen to his favorite music of course

- especially the love songs ;D

- will just dance with you to the music he puts on

- one time you guys are dancing to the music he put on like normal but it’s a slow love song, so hes like let’s so dance bae

- and then he tells you how he feels for u

- now u date <3

- lots of forehead kisses

- cuddle bug absolutely

- still a jealous boyfriend though tbh he will try to seem all tough in front of any man he thinks might be better or something he will do anything to show off

- your relationship doesn’t change just lots of kisses and hugs now and I love yous

- you’re totally the relationship that’s like “I love you more” “nooo I love you more” and the guardians hate y’all so much

- he uses nicknames like hun, honey, love, sweetheart

- let’s just say you slow dance more often, and kiss while doing so ^^

- he flirts with you still but it’s a lot more sweet rather than before where he might’ve just flirted with you in terms of like it being kinda like calling you sexy and shit like that, now it’s more like wow u look beautiful I luv u 😊🙏

- would do anything for you, even if he wouldn’t like it

- doesn’t mean he wouldn’t hesitate tho

- going on separate dates isn’t really an option since you guys fight left and right and are always with the guardians, but he decided every once a couple months you guys go on a date together and have some fun

- Loki doesn’t get crushes, so this is a new thing for him

- and tbh he doesn’t know how to take it either, especially when he realizes how strong those feelings actually are

- he hates the idea of being vulnerable in general, especially when it comes to you

- over time it just... happens

- but if there’s any indication he likes spending time with you he will try to lie his way through it, he’s a good liar of course so it probably works

- however he shows he at the very least cares about you, he shows a sign of protectiveness when it comes to potential enemies.. enemies that happen to be dangerous for you

- plus he’s around you like constantly and claims he has nobody else to harass

- he claims he doesn’t care about you at all, but even thor can tell through this lie

- the way he looks at you makes it obvious

- the way he doesn’t try to get you involved in his more dangerous schemes

- and if you do, and you get hurt he feels guilty and tries to help you feel better

- he claims he just owes you one for getting you hurt though

- eventually thor bothers him enough to get him to confess feelings, which takes a lot for Loki to even go through with

- he acts confident, even moreso after you say yes, but deep down was extremely nervous

- the male is good at making you feel important, after trying so hard to hide his feelings he is tired of it and just wants to be more honest about how he feels about you

- no issue being vulnerable, he trusts you but sometimes it can be hard

- he goes to you for a lot of his problems, even if you cannot help, just venting and you listening helps

- he was already with you a lot but now there’s no excuses and it’s even moreso

- “what? I just wanted to visit my beautiful s/o” “we literally just saw eachother 5 minutes ago can I please go to bed”

- likes pressing your foreheads together, he finds it sweet

- jealous of thor? Absolutely. Pls comfort him and tell him you’d never leave him for thor

- he’s so used to just not being as good as him, he wants to be good enough for you

- deep down there’s just so many insecurities he has

- so it causes him to worry like all the time

- having a reassuring and patient s/o is so good for him ^^

- flirting becomes a thing in your relationship

- it makes him feel more confident pls give him this

- protective, he feels like he has to be tbh because he never gets anything good in his life and if he does he loses it, he’s scared to lose you too

- if for some reason he can’t see you he makes an illusion of you to talk to

- when he fake dies you’re the first he goes to see so you don’t think he’s dead, he loves you he wouldn’t want to do that to you =(

- finally

- gonna be honest bucky with a crush is cute

- first of all he smiles at you a lot, Steve is the first to notice how much he smiles around you, it’s the most he smiles like ever

- just has a lot of nice conversations with you about anything and everything

- also whenever you’re around even if other people are around you he’s just like “hey y/n :)”

- heart eyes for you, just can’t help but stare all the time

- he has a staring problem but with you? Yeah 10x over

- Sam always has something to say abt it also

- his idea of flirting with you is really just saying hi to you, just being overly friendly which is noticeable for a guy like Bucky

- eventually would ask you out, he tries to ease into it but he gets a bit impatient

- he was also nervous asking you out but yk

- when dating him he becomes very protective

- one of the most protective bitches on the list tbh

- he gets nightmares about you dying like all the time it breaks him everytime though

- lots of cuddles, whether it be from a rough day, he’s just tired, or had a nightmare

- he likes his hair being brushed by you and played with, even when he cuts it

- he’s scared of killing you and turning into the winter soldier again

- has dreams about when he’s hurt and fought you as the winter soldier, he keeps thinking about if Steve wasn’t there to help, he really could’ve killed you and that terrifies him

- even when you tell him it wasn’t him, he appreciates it but still feels horrible about it

- touch that metal arm, but like gently Yknow . Nobody’s ever touched that arm with such kindness and it makes him soft and feel lucky

- speaking of soft Bucky is very soft, there’s many soft moments with Bucky and vulnerability

- it’s easy to be vulnerable with you but not others

- lots of handholding

- he loves hugging you for long periods of time

- still has a staring problem but now Sam openly makes fun of him

- just big dumb smile on his face as he looks at you

- especially when you’re dealing with kids, seeing you be around them makes his heart warm

- maybe he does wanna be normal, settle down and have kids

- though the thought scares him it is something he desires

- we all know he calls you doll

#valkyrie x reader #loki x reader #peter quill x reader #mcu x reader #marvel x reader #bucky barnes x reader #james Barnes x reader #Darcy x reader #vision x reader #Agnes x reader #Agatha x reader

[ftm-radio]

I try to keep this blog mostly positive, because for the most part being trans is great and I want to spread the joy of self discovery and self realization and everything, but man.. there are some really rough bits that stick with ya when you spend half your life (or most of it, in my case!) feeling just that vague sense of something is not right and I don't know what's wrong and I'm definitely not okay with this but I don't know how to make it better

so with that in mind, I have some thoughts & feelings I wanna get out there, so there will be some good ol' trans angst under the cut 👉🏻👉🏻

cw: angst, depression, dysphoria, you know how it is. a couple chest mentions in there too. also it's long and pretty ramble-y, probably some level of melodramatic.

if you read all this, it's fine if you wanna reply or send me an ask with your thoughts or w/e. I know I can't be the only one feeling all this...

I could not give you an accurate estimate for when I started feeling Not Right, but I know it was definitely in full swing right before I started high school. 7th–8th grade was like.. the start of my depression spiral, lmao, but I don't wanna get deep into that in this post.

no, what I keep thinking about is what came after the depression and dysphoria and feeling wrong-ness, like

the discomfort I still have with my body,

the distanced relationships, the loneliness, &

just the years and years that I've missed out on.

I am almost 23 years old, and I'm only just now feeling like this body might be mine and might be a home for me one day. Some days it all fits perfectly and I feel great! Other days these limbs feel alien and disconnected when I try to move, and seeing my face in the mirror hurts.

I feel like I spent 20 years afraid to use this body, afraid to move, afraid to be seen in it. I kept myself coiled up as tight as I could so that I wouldn't attract attention and have anyone else find out how wrong this all was.

Dysmorphia, dysphoria, they blend together so well I still can't separate them. did I stop showering in 8th grade because I didn't want to see my big stomach, or because I couldnt bear the sight of my chest? was I hyper-aware of how often I raised my arms because of the way my upper arms jiggled with fat, or because keeping them down meant that my chest was maybe slightly less prominent? did I feel ugly because I was fat or because I didn't look like a boy? does it even matter now that the damage is done?

I have to learn about my body like it's a stranger's, like I'm a ghost familiarizing myself with the house I have to haunt, and I have to learn how to be okay with it, how to accept the parts I can't change or that'll take a lot of time to change. and I just have to wait (and hope) for the day that I don't have to think about inhabiting this body and I can just be here and live my life and be okay.

and feeling uncomfortable in my body for most of my life was such a distraction! how was I supposed to be a person and do things and interact with the world and everybody in it when my only connection to it felt wrong? I couldn't do anything without worrying about how my body looked when I did it and what people saw or thought.

I had a few friends growing up. I have a few friends now. but I've always kept them at arm's length, pretty literally. I've almost never hugged my friends, never rough-housed, never really experienced casual platonic intimacy. hell, I haven't even had those affections with my family. I've shared a room with two of my sisters my whole life and I'm too awkward to give or accept hugs from them no matter how much I want to.

and I want to. I want to feel connected to the people around me, to touch and be touched, to feel comforted and grounded in this world, to feel human. but I can't because this body just doesn't feel right to me, and what if I hug my friends & family and it doesn't feel right to them either?

I'm alone in a house full of people. I'm here but I'm hollow. I'm a ghost, a phantom, a trick of the light. if you try and touch me your hand might pass right through. if, by chance, you do meet something solid, the shape of it might disturb you. it disturbs me most of the time.

so many years spent starving myself of affection. now that im aching for it and finally ready to let myself know it, I don't know how to ask for it. and of course this isn't the only thing I've missed throughout my life.

there's so much, it's overwhelming. almost 23 years in this body and I feel like I haven't done anything with it. some days I feel like I'm still a teenager because there are so many things I haven't done, so many things I don't know how to do. some days I feel like I'm ancient because I'm so drained, so tired.

so much of my life has been spent waiting for something to appear on the horizon and, idk, give me hope? give me the ability to feel like a person again? I don't know. I don't know what I've been waiting for.

I know exactly what I've been waiting for.

but the things I've been waiting for won't just appear one day. I have to get them myself, and I've been working to do that ever since I found out who I really am. and I'm getting there, I'm making progress, and I am so, so proud of where I've gotten myself.

but if I stop to think about it all, there's just so much despair, and anger, and regret hiding just under the surface. it's a fucking angst volcano that's almost constantly threatening to erupt.

like how much better off would I be if I had figured all of this out years ago? if I had just stopped waiting and tried to find what I needed when I was still a kid, before I just spiraled and became horribly depressed for eight years? what if the people in my life who were supposed to take care of me & look out for me had seen what I couldn't recognize and had helped me figure it out instead of letting me drown in it for eight fucking years? what if I had actually had access to the knowledge that could have given me the answers I needed, could have helped me find the right questions? what if I was one of those kids who knew I wasn't a girl right away and I didn't have to wonder? what if I hadn't let my confusion and discomfort hold me back and I had lived my life instead of letting it all waste away?

what if?

I love being trans. I love knowing who I am.

but I don't love this.

I know I can't change the past. I hope I stop wanting to, someday. but I don't know what to do until that day comes.

how do you heal from heartbreak like this?

the answer is probably "time," right? figures.

I guess that means I'm back to waiting. But at least I have things to do in the meantime.

#ftm radio #trans angst #trans #transgender #ftm #nonbinary trans guy #trans guy #trans masc #trans man #trans masculine #nonbinary #nonbinary man #vent post #depression #dysphoria #chest mention #body dysphoria #body dysmorphia

[neworleansspecial]

There’s been a push lately of including more trans characters and trans headcanons in fanwork lately, and that’s a good thing! However, most of the time, the content that gets promoted is by cis creators as opposed to transgender creators speaking from their real world experiences. While it’s important to boost trans voices, that’s not to say you can’t or shouldn’t write trans characters as a cis person. 

Please note that this post is not an attack on cis writers! Far from it, in fact. I would say the majority of the time, cis people writing harmful content are doing it unintentionally- they probably just don’t realize that it’s a problem. The main goal here is to educate on what’s harmful, why it’s harmful, and what to do instead. In addition, some trans people, especially young trans people, can fall into these tropes too- after all, all of us were raised in the same cis-centric society. 

That said, trans people can write about these tropes if they choose- we’re allowed to discuss our own experiences or those we identify with in a way cis authors can’t or shouldn’t because of our different relationship to gender. If you’re transgender and you write using these tropes, that’s okay! But remember to be self-critical, too; are you writing these tropes because you enjoy them or because they reflect your experiences, or are you writing them because that’s what cis people promote or it’s what you think trans narratives must be?

This particular post will focus on common tropes in writing about transgender characters, and why they’re harmful, as well as ways to counteract them in your writing. As this is a long post, it’s under a read more. Thank you to @jewishbucke​ for all his help and support.

For the purposes of this post, let’s lay out some basic definitions so that we’re all operating on the same playing field and understanding.

Cisgender (cis): Someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth.

Transgender (trans): Someone whose gender differs from the one they were assigned at birth. Trans people may or may not experience one or more kinds of dysphoria. The level of dysphoria a trans person experiences is not relevant to whether or not they are transgender. 

Dysphoria: The discomfort caused by a disconnect between someone’s gender and the one they were assigned at birth. Dysphoria can be physical (related to the body), emotional (related to their feelings/sexuality), or social (related to other’s perceptions of them). 

Gender Expression: The way a person outwardly expresses themselves and their gender. This can include but is not limited to pronouns, clothes, hair style, and name.

Transmasculine: A transmasculine person is a trans person whose transition is aimed at becoming more masculine. Trans men are transmasculine people, but not all transmasculine people are trans men. Transmasculine people are transmisogyny exempt (TME), meaning they do not experience the specific combination of transphobia and misogyny that affects transfeminine people. 

Transfeminine: A transfeminine person is a trans person whose transition is aimed at becoming more feminine. Trans women are transfeminine people, but not all transfeminine people are trans women. Transfeminine people are transmisogyny affected (TMA), meaning they experience the specific combination of transphobia and misogyny directed towards transfeminine people.

That being said, my point of view making this post is as a transmasculine TME person. I can offer my personal perspectives and experiences, but I cannot speak over or for the specific experiences unique to transfeminine people and trans women. If you are transfeminine or a trans woman, you are absolutely welcome to add on or correct me if in my words, I said something harmful to you and your community. We are all in this together and it is never my aim to overstep boundaries on something I do not understand. So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into tropes common in transgender narratives. 

The Cis Savior

To start with, one of the most common tropes is the Cis Savior trope. This is commonly associated with the Trans/Cis trope, which I’ll elaborate more on later. The Cis Savior is often not the main character, but a supporter of a transgender main character. They can be a close friend, a family member, a love interest, or a coworker. 

In this narrative, the trans person is engaging in behavior harmful to themselves, often related to methods of their transition. The most common one you may have seen or written is the transmasculine person binding unsafely. In that example, a transmasculine person binds (flattens) their chest with something such as ace bandages, which are extremely harmful and can damage their ribs. The Cis Savior finds out about this behavior, scolds the trans person, and purchases or gives them a safe alternative like a binder designed to safely compress breasts. While this example is probably the most common one, it’s not the only one. In general, the Cis Savior trope is when a cis person finds out that a trans person is hurting themselves in some way and rectifies it with superior knowledge of safe practices and/or better resources than the trans person has access to.

The reason this is harmful is because it perpetuates two common misconceptions: first, that all trans people hate their bodies to the point of willingly harming themselves to relieve this self-hatred, and second, that cis people know better about trans issues and bodies than trans people themselves. That’s not to say that neither of these things is impossible. Trans people are not a monolith and there probably are trans people like that, at least for some point of time in their lives. In some situations, especially in reference to trans kids or people who have recently realized they’re trans, it’s possible that they don’t know their behavior could be harmful, or that there are safer alternatives. The problem lies in the repeated framing of this trope as the only kind of trans person and the idea that they can and will be destructive towards themselves until a cis person who knows better comes along. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives: 

A trans character behaves safely and explains how and why.

A trans character behaving unsafely is supported and educated by another trans person as opposed to a cis person (although this is something you probably shouldn’t be writing as a cis writer- some narratives are better left to us when it comes to the actual experiences of being transgender. Write about trans characters, not being trans!).

A trans character looking into transition on their own finds a supportive community. 

The Gender-Non-Conforming Trans Person

The Gender-Non-Conforming (GNC) Trans Person is a trans character who presents excessively similar to the gender assigned at birth as opposed to their actual gender- the trans man who wears dresses and makeup, the trans woman who has a buzzcut and hates skirts, etc. Like is pointed out above in the “Cis Savior” trope, trans people like this can and do exist! Some trans people are GNC for various reasons- personal style, sexuality, being closeted, or just because they feel like it. 

Narratives about the GNC Trans Person are very focused on the trans person presenting in a way that does not align with their gender, and is often No-Op (Does not have or want gender confirmation surgery) and No-HRT (Does not have or want hormone replacement therapy). It’s also often combined with the “Misgendered” trope. Trans characters in this trope seem to be extremely against presenting the way “expected” of their gender. For example, think of a transfeminine character not wanting to shave, be it their legs, armpits, face, or any other part of their body that cis women are expected to shave. This can lead to the character being mocked, dismissed, told they are not “really” trans, fetishized, and/or misgendered. These characters are often described as not passing as their gender.

This trope is harmful because it plays into the rhetoric that trans people are faking it or attention seeking. Like stated above, GNC trans people can and do exist. In fact, in my personal experience, a lot of trans people are GNC in some way or another. What is and isn’t considered conforming to gender is very strictly based on cisheterocentric ideas of gender presentation, and fails to take into account the intricacies of being transgender, especially if the person in question is also LGB. Trans people don’t have to conform to the restrictive societal views of what acceptable gender presentation is in order to be “really” trans. The stereotype of highly GNC trans people comes from the idea that they’re choosing to be transgender as a means of attention seeking, which simply isn’t true. Trans people didn’t choose to be trans- it’s just another part of them, like their eye color or the shape of their nose.

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans character having fun with gender presentation- why not shop from both sides of the store?

A trans character expressing gender-nonconformity in smaller ways.

Multiple trans characters with different gender presentations.

The Misgendered Trans Person

The Misgendered Trans Person is another common narrative in which a trans character is misgendered, whether it be on accident or on purpose, by a cis character. This can be a family member, an old friend, or a complete stranger. This trope also includes dead-naming, the act of referring to a person by a “dead” name that they no longer use as part of their transition.

When it comes to this trope, it’s usually with a narrative similar to the Cis Savior- the trans character is defended by a nearby cis one. More often than not, the Misgendered Trans Person trope is also combined frequently with the Forced Outing. In this story, a trans person is referred to by pronouns they do not use- in particular, those associated with their assigned gender at birth- as a means of causing angst and discomfort. They may also be called their dead name, also to create drama in the story. For example, consider a trans character hanging out with their family, and their mother uses the wrong pronouns for them, causing the character discomfort. This also includes narratives about a character realizing they’re trans, in which the character is referred to by the wrong pronouns and their dead name until they realize they are transgender. More to that point, as a cis author, you should never write a story about someone realizing they’re trans- as said above, write about transgender characters, not about being transgender.

This is harmful because it minimizes the very real pain and dysphoria that can be caused by misgendering or dead-naming. Changing names and pronouns are often the very first steps trans people take in their transition, and an instrumental part of their identities and journeys. Consider it in terms of your face. You have your own very specific face and it is an integral part of yourself and identity. Imagine someone repeatedly insisting that it’s different. They tell you that your eyes are a different color, or your jaw is shaped differently. It would be uncomfortable, and it’s wrong. Obviously this isn’t an exact or fair comparison, but names and pronouns are not just words when it comes to identity and trans narratives. 

In terms of alternatives to this trope, there aren’t any. 

There is no acceptable or reasonable way to write a character being misgendered or dead-named as a cis author. This is especially true when you take it upon yourself to make up a dead name for a character. No excuses, no arguments. Just don’t do it. 

The Self-Hating Trans Person

The Self-Hating Trans Person trope is where a trans person’s dysphoria, be it physical, emotional, or social, is so extreme that they hate themselves and their bodies in an all-consuming way. This character is incapable of loving themselves and will often rely on a cis character for positivity, support, or self-esteem.

It would be impossible to acknowledge this trope without considering its ubiquity- while the description above is clear and severe, it overlaps often with many other tropes and less intense versions of it have a tendency to appear in most trans narratives. It’s associated with the trans character wanting to be cis (often worded as wanting to be “normal”), behaving in ways dangerous to themselves, and/or refusing to accept comfort. For example, a couple common uses of this trope are unsafe binding in transmasculine people, self harm or mutilation, and conversion therapy. The Self-Hating Trans Person narrative typically involves the character being aggressive toward people who question or try to combat their self hatred as well. 

As touched upon in the Cis Savior trope, this is harmful because it perpetuates the stereotype that trans people must hate themselves, and be willing to go to extreme lengths because of it. Plenty of trans people don’t care that they’re trans, or even like that about themselves. The idea that being trans is something that should make a person hate themselves implies that it’s bad or wrong, which it isn’t. There are some trans people who do have these negative feelings- and of course deserve all the support they want and need- but plenty of trans people don’t feel that way. Trans people can and do love themselves and their bodies. Some trans people don’t have severe dysphoria, or may not really have any at all. Trans character’s narratives shouldn’t always be about suffering.

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person who loves themselves and their trans body. (Be conscientious of straying into fetishistic territory, though- trans people are more than their bodies! When in doubt, ask.)

A trans person whose unhappiness is about something else, like losing a pet.

A trans person being loved and supported by their friends. 

The Forced Outing

The Forced Outing trope usually goes hand-in-hand with the Misgendered Trans Person. This trope includes a trans person, either closeted (not out, pre-transition) or stealth (not out, post-transition) having their identity as transgender being revealed to one or more people without their permission.

When it comes to Forced Outings, this usually happens around a cis love-interest, and is typically followed by said love-interest assuring the trans character that this doesn’t matter to them. Another common response is the trans character becoming a victim of violence, such as a beating or sexual assault. For example, a trans person gets “caught changing” and is outed to the person who sees them, without their consent. The “caught changing” is another common way this trope is expressed, usually in a bedroom, bathroom or locker room. Sometimes there’s a happy ending. Sometimes there isn’t.

It should be clear why this trope is harmful- outing someone, be it as transgender or gay or any other LGBT+ identity, is not just disrespectful, but it is extremely dangerous. Just because you wouldn’t react poorly doesn’t mean others are the same. Outing a trans person in real life could get them hurt really badly, or even killed, on top of being outright rude and presumptuous. While this is fiction, it’s important to recognize that the media we consume affects the way we view real world situations. In your story, things may turn out fine, but the harsh reality is that in real life, it usually doesn’t. Trans people can and do get killed when they’re outed. Besides that, it follows along with the rhetoric that someone is “lying” if they don’t immediately disclose that they’re transgender. Trans people do not have to tell you that they’re trans, especially if they don’t know you. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternative: 

A trans person already being out to and accepted by their loved ones.

The Predatory Trans Person

The Predatory Trans Person is usually same-gender-attracted (SGA) and/or transfeminine. They prey on cis people by coercing them into romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes the trans person is considered predatory because they didn’t out themselves beforehand, or they use their being transgender as a means of guilting someone into having sex with them. It often overlaps with the PIV trope.

These narratives often revolve around sexual situations, and tend to focus on the cis partner as the main character. It prioritizes the comfort and feelings of the cis person. They’re uncomfortable, but can’t say it for fear of being seen as transphobic, or making their partner angry. For example, the cis character and trans character go on a few dates, and the trans character is presumed cis until they get to the bedroom. The trans character is pre-op and “convinces” the cis person to have sex with them anyway, despite them being uncomfortable. The most common form of this narrative is the transmisogynistic telling of a trans lesbian “coercing” a cis lesbian into sex.

This is harmful for two reasons- first and foremost, it paints trans people as being inherently predatory. It implies that trans people are only trans in order to have sex with those who otherwise wouldn’t be interested in them, reinforcing a long-standing transphobic notion that being transgender is related to sexual deviance and/or fetishes. Trans people are not inherently predatory. Trans people are not just rapists in disguise. Second of all, it makes assumptions about the genitals of trans people. Some are pre-op or no-op, of course, but not all of us are. Some trans people have had bottom surgery. Some trans men have penises, some have vaginas. Some trans women have vaginas, some have penises. And even those who haven’t had bottom (gender confirmation) surgery are still allowed and able to enjoy sex with the genitals they have, and use language regarding their genitals that they feel most comfortable with. There’s nothing wrong with that. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person having sex with another trans person.* 

A trans person and a cis person having consensual sex.*

A trans person participating in nonsexual intimacy with their partner.

The Genderbend

The Genderbend actually refers to two common transphobic tropes; the first is headcanoning a cis character as being trans as the opposite gender. In other words, headcanoning a cis woman as a trans man, or a cis man as a trans woman. 

It also refers to the common fandom trope of genderbending (also known as cisswap) to make a character of one gender into the “opposite,” typically associated with changing their physical characteristics to match this new assigned gender.

Narratives about the Genderbend trope rely on two primary assumptions. They assume every character is cis by default, and that certain characteristics are inherent to certain genders. The cis to trans version of this trope often focuses on a “coming out” story in which the character realizes they are trans and comes out to their loved ones before pursuing social and/or medical transitioning. 

Cisswap, on the other hand, completely avoids the concept of being transgender, and instead makes the character into the “opposite” gender while they’re still cis. This often comes with physical changes, such as a character made into a girl getting wider hips and a more “feminine” facial structure, as is associated with cis women.

These narratives are harmful because of the assumptions they make about all characters/people being cis by default, and that these characters must have the common physical characteristics associated with that body type. The Genderbend in which a cis character is headcanoned as the “opposite” gender perpetuates a harmful rhetoric that trans people are really just their assigned gender at birth with a different presentation. It pushes the idea that transfeminine people are men in dresses and transmasculine people are self-hating women, both of which are misconceptions behind a lot of transphobic violence people face. 

Cisswap relies on the idea that presentation or physical characteristics equate to gender, and that in order to be a gender, someone must look a certain way. This is not only harmful to trans people, but to any person who does not fit strict western binary beauty standards. It also fails to acknowledge that gender is not a simple binary of man or woman, but a spectrum that includes a multitude of identities. It should also be noted that the Cisswap trope relies on standards of gender and presentation that are intersexist, racist, and antisemitic as well. In general, the Cisswap trope is harmful to many marginalized groups of people, including but not limited to trans people.

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

Headcanoning/writing a character as being trans while keeping their gender the same.

A character being nonbinary.

Creating new OCs who are trans.

The Bottom Trans Man/Top Trans Woman (PIV in Trans/Cis Relationships)

The PIV (Penis in Vagina Sex) Trope is exclusive to Trans/Cis relationships, and typically revolves around same gender relationships. In the PIV trope, a pre-op trans person has penis-in-vagina sex with their cis partner. 

In these narratives, the focus is very heavy on the pre-op genitalia of the trans person in the relationship. It’s most commonly seen in m/m fanfiction, in which the trans man has vaginal sex with his cis partner, but also exists in f/f fic in which the trans woman engages in penetrative sex with her partner’s vagina. That’s not to say that trans people can’t or don’t enjoy sex this way, but in this particular trope, it is specifically written in a way that focuses in a fetishistic way on the genitals of trans people and makes broad assumptions about the bodies trans people have and the types of sex they enjoy. These narratives write all trans men as bottoms, and all trans women as tops. 

The reason this is harmful is because of the way it generalizes trans people’s bodies, their relationships to them, and the way they engage in sex. Of course there are pre-op (and no-op) trans people who do enjoy PIV sex with their partners, but that does not mean all trans people have those bodies or have that sort of sex. There are trans men who are tops, and trans women who are bottoms. There are trans people who have dysphoria about their genitals, and those who don’t. Some do not or cannot enjoy PIV sex, and that’s okay! The other common issue with this trope is the way that trans people’s bodies are described. Trans people often use words for their bodies that you might consider “anatomically incorrect” because it’s the language that they feel most comfortable with. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person having sex with another trans person.*

A trans person having non-PIV sex with their partner.*

A trans person participating in nonsexual intimacy with their partner.

The Trans/Cis Relationship

Finally, the Trans/Cis Relationship trope- this trope isn’t inherently bad- there’s nothing wrong on its own with a romantic pairing being between a trans and cis character. The specific dynamic this is about is the trans character requiring reassurance, validation, or other kinds of support from their partner that a cis character would not ask for. 

This trope is very commonly associated with Cis Savior and PIV tropes as well. It focuses on the trans person being in a relationship with a cis person who they depend on to “validate” their gender, help with their dysphoria, and protect them from transphobic behavior. It tends to infantilize trans people and make them into someone who cannot function outside their relationship with the cis character. For example, a transfeminine character relying on their boyfriend to make them feel “feminine” enough in their relationship. While Trans/Cis relationships are not inherently bad or wrong, it can be very easy to fall into a trap of writing the cis character as the Cis Savior, and often comes hand in hand with PIV sex when it’s a non-heterosexual couple.

The reason that this trope can be harmful is that it implies trans people are not enough on their own- that they need the support of a cis person who decides they’re “normal” in order to stay mentally well. It comes back often to the Cis Savior trope as well. Trans/Cis relationships written by cis authors may fall into these traps without meaning to. Beyond that, trans people can- and often do- date each other. In fact, some trans people are t4t, meaning that they choose to only date other trans people because it’s what’s most comfortable for them and may be safer depending on the situation they live in. Trans people do not enter relationships based on who will make them feel “valid,” but on who they love- the same as everyone else. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person’s partner being trans as well. (Although, again, be mindful to write stories about trans characters, not about being trans!)

A trans person being emotionally supportive of their cis partner.

A trans person being single.

Thank you so much for sticking with me during this! I know it’s long, and that it’s not easy to read things that make you question things you’re used to, or to reevaluate things you may have written in the past. Once again, none of this was an attack! The goal of this series of posts is to inform and educate, rather than shame. People who make these mistakes often do it because they don’t know any better, or haven’t been exposed to anything besides these tropes. I encourage you to look at what other trans people have said about portrayals, and when writing trans characters, look for someone who would be willing to beta for you if you’re unsure. When in doubt, ask. And remember- write about trans characters, not about being trans! There are certain nuances to being transgender that, as a cis person, you simply don’t have the background or experiences to write on, and that’s okay! We’re all learning and growing together.

*If you absolutely want to write sex scenes involving trans people, the best thing to do is to get a trans beta- and listen to them- as well as use language that may not be what you consider anatomically correct. Trans people may call their genitals by words that don’t “match” for their own comfort, and using language that focuses on pre-op genitalia can come across and/or be fetishistic. Be mindful and respectful when writing these scenes.

#transgender #writeblr #writingtrans #trans #tusera #emwrite

[masterweaverx]

So I’d like to open this by saying I’m autistic, and I generally operate on the presumption that I don’t understand anyone--at least, not without some investigation and interaction. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Recently, I’ve seen posts about an interesting paradox regarding representation; a lot of writers want to include XYZ group, but don’t want to risk doing it ‘wrong.’ Thus characters are Gay/Trans/Bi/Jewish/Islam/Black/Whatever and, yet, this is unimportant. Or we have tokenistic characters where being a member of This Group is their defining and, in fact, only character trait. Either too little, or too much. Or maybe they’re background characters, done right except for the part where they don’t affect the plot.

I think there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of representation is influencing this. We’re thinking of the group as archetype--a statue that is All Defined and we put clothes on it and make it move. But... paradoxical as it seems, being a member of a group is but one of many possible character traits. And the thing about character traits is that they affect a character, and through that influence the plot, but they rarely dominate the plot unless the plot is specifically about that character trait.

To take a fantastical and therefore somewhat obvious example: Blake Belladonna, from the Web Show RWBY, has cat ears. This is A Very Big Deal, because fantasy racism and also because she’s good at hearing things. A big part of the plot is her saying “This is how my cat ears affect me, and how having cat ears affects my parents, and how I’m reacting.” But having cat ears is not her only trait--and in fact, they’re not her defining trait.

Blake enters the series having just escaped a psychologically abusive relationship. That affects how she acts around the strangers that will become her new friends, and how she’s afraid her parents will never love her again. She’s also quite well-read, which gives her an interesting conversation with character Ruby Rose at the start of the series about fairy tales and real life. She has a ninja-like combat skill and a samurai-like sense of honor, so in situations that involve protecting others she never gives up (even if she thinks she herself isn’t worthy of love at the start of the series, see abusive relationship). And she wants to make the world a better place for a number of reasons--she’s been hurt by it, she’s hurt the world herself, and it’s just the right thing to do.

All of this, and a few other factors, combine to affect how she acts and reacts to the plot of the series. When the Fantasy Racism comes up, yes, her cat ears are important--but they don’t just snap out of existence when Yang Xiao Long says “Okay, it’s time for me to talk about my abandonment issues!” or when Cinder Fall says “My bad guy contract says I have to be malevolent now.” Blake’s ears let her hear small details, and her treatment because of them has her cautious about who to trust--very, VERY important things to the plot that, nonetheless, aren’t specifically about Cat Ear Racism.

One big example I can think of is her confrontation with her abusive ex, who at this point has just gone straight up Yandere and is blaming her for everything. The scene is not about her having cat ears--in fact, the cat ears are not at all included in all the false accusations he throws out. But, because she can hear something he doesn’t, she’s able to reposition herself and let her partner join in, dramatically shifting the direction of the scene.

The character trait affects the character’s action, and through that influences the plot. It has weight, but it’s not the only trait the character has. This is true for any character trait, no matter how fantastical or realistic.

May Marigold, from the same series, is a transgender woman. And she’s not just there to say “I need my Estrogen pills!” every four hours, but neither is her being transgender just a Neat Factoid You Find In The Manual. It influences her character--pretty clearly in one scene, where she outright states her biological relatives are no longer family--but it doesn’t mean she’s just The Trans Character. And, actually, let’s take her big speech as an example of what I mean.

Weiss: People are dying here, too. Don’t you have family in Atlas?

May: No. Mantle needed me, and to the Marigolds, that meant I wasn’t their son anymore. And I made sure that everyone knew that I wasn’t their daughter. So forget ‘em. They’ve got Henry, yours have Whitley. You get what I’m saying.

Weiss: I don’t know about-

May angrily turns to face Weiss.

May: Which side are you on, anyway?

Blake: We’ve heard that before.

May steps toward Blake to confront her, but Ruby chimes in.

Ruby: There are no sides! We want to help everyone. We’re all facing Salem together. And together is the only way we’re going to get out of it.

May: (sighs) So, how exactly do we get out of it?

As the group ponders their situation, Whitley Schnee can be seen in the hallway eavesdropping on the conversation.

The point of this scene isn’t “May is trans.” It’s that she had a very bad relationship with her biological relatives, to the point where they don’t consider each other family--and that as a result of that, she associated Atlas with all that’s wrong with the world and thinks Weiss should too, since Weiss ostensibly has a similar background. Her being transgender very clearly influences her speech, but it’s not the driving aspect of the plot. In fact, Whitley overhearing this and being compared to Henry (previously established as pretty shallow and horrible) directly causes him to affect the plot by becoming as helpful as he can. This is entirely unrelated to her being transgender, and much more related to her biological relatives being horrible people.

May is, in fact, somewhat in the wrong here--but it’s in character for her to be in the wrong, as she’s basing her choices off her own experiences. That said, she’s also got a sort of ‘cool anger’ in her speech--she’s used to people not getting why she’d be insulted (since not many people would instantly get transgenderism) and so keeps her tone calm even when she’s glaring at Weiss. It’s not until Weiss begins to directly contradict her that she snaps--again, another factor of transgender life is too many people saying ‘You sure? You could be wrong.’ This is all behavior that makes sense for a transgender person, considering their likely experiences, but applied to a subject that is not explicitly about transgenderism--in this case, whether Atlas or Mantle is more important to save from big bad Salem.

Character traits affect the characters, and through them influence the plot. But the character is never just one trait, and the plot is rarely about just one thing. May is an excellent character--she’s snarky, but willing to guide the youngsters, loyal to those who care about others, encouraging and realistic, very much a person who got saddled with too much responsibility in way too short a time and is trying her best. And she’s transgender, and that affects how she acts, both when she’s being great and when she’s slipping up.

If you want to write representation, don’t write The Whatever Character. Write a character that happens to be whatever.

#Representation #Analysis #I'm willing to admit I might be wrong on this #Like I said I don't understand people naturally #I'm just going from my experiences as a writer. #Also I'm not sure if my point is coming across?

[bisexualspongebob]

(long post)

Honestly from one bisexual to another—a lot of u just need to step back, take a deep breath, and chill. I thought it was important to have some sort of civil discussion regarding bi/pan/microlabel discourse, but people just did not know how to be civil and made it into a war.

Listen—neither bi ppl nor pan ppl are a monolithic group. The Bi Manifesto is not a bi-ble for all bisexuals to follow, it is just historical evidence that bisexuality by definition was never exclusive or regressive. The manifesto itself even says that not all bisexuals use the word “bisexual” and everyone has a unique relationship to their sexuality and that includes usage of labels. Yes technically all the different microlabels mean bisexual, but people can and have always been allowed to use what’s right for them, and that is not a personal attack on you or bisexuals as a whole.

And also pan people are not all the same, they’re a diverse group like bisexuals. Yes I get frustrated too when people use the biphobic and transphobic comparisons of bi vs. pan definitions and I think that’s what started this fight in the first place, but that’s not representative of pansexuals as a whole. You do know that a lot of people use bi and pan interchangeably? And a lot of pan people do show support and solidarity to bisexuals. And a lot of pan people speak out against biphobia. And biphobia affects them because at the end of the day we all experience attraction to more than one genders.

We can call out biphobia and transphobia without going into personal attacks or generalization of a whole group. If people want to use a term they resonate with then just let them, that’s cool. And if someone says “I identify as pan bc unlike bisexuals I’m attracted to nonbinary people too” you should just call them out for saying something biphobic, that’s it. If that’s how they choose to feel that’s on them, but that’s not representative of pansexuality as a whole. There are a lot of bisexuals who use their label to excuse their transphobia (“I’m bi because I’m not attracted to trans people”) and they’re not representative of bisexuality as a whole.

And yes it is shitty to see when mainstream media portrays pan as the “woke” version of bi, but you should call them out on the biphobia. It’s perfectly possible to make pansexual characters without throwing bisexuals under the bus, and it won’t do anything to try to “ban” pansexual representation. The more we destigmatize bisexuality the more the root issue gets solved.

And people will say “then what’s the difference?” and honestly who cares about the differences? Some people use pan for any reason they want. Dissecting the differences doesn’t help anyone. Both bi and pan are attracted to all genders. I see pan people who have preferences and pan people who do take gender as a factor into their attraction. So there’s no point in going through mental gymnastics to differentiate them. They can coexist and be synonyms.

And if we can customize our own gender then why not sexuality? If you don’t want to use bi then that’s not a problem. The only problem is if you see bisexuality as an archaic and prejudiced term, be respectful of other labels especially if they’ve been around for much longer. But if you acknowledge bi for what it is but still want to use another term then you deserve that respect. Some terms like lesbian though are not an umbrella term and that should be respected, but do what u want that also respects the boundary of certain terms.

And like that’s all I have to really say. I know I went through an anti-pan phase for a while but my issue didn’t lie within the people themselves, it lied more in the fact that a lot of people used the term as a reason to stigmatize and bastardize bisexuality. Of course you’re gonna get defensive when people say bad things about your label, that’s what I did. But I had an open mind the whole time and was willing to listen to all voices. Please don’t dedicate your mental energy to changing the mind of strangers online. Don’t dedicate your mental energy into trying to dismantle a community that has already cultivated. You will find it much more fulfilling to find solidarity with them. Because there are so many pansexual, omnisexual, any other-sexual people who fight for bisexuals, feel solidarity with bisexuals, support bisexuals, and also identify as bisexual.

At the end of the day, experience will always trump labels. The root of every issue regarding biphobia is and will always be cishets. Let’s all fight biphobia itself regardless of who it comes from and remember that we are not each other’s enemies and oppressors.

And if you actually read through all of this then thank you and have a good one 🏳️‍🌈

#bi/pan discourse #thats all i have left to say i’m actually done for real giving more energy to this #feel free to rb if u wish