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levmada · 4 months

Note

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot.

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology.

I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life.

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time.

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others.

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son.

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness.

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’.

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely.

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later.

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early.

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground.

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples.

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish.

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own.

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless.

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.)

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment.

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman.

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside).

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is.

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least.

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry.

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”.

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability.

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life.

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

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drdemonprince · 1 month

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Your post about "transitioning to escape gender but then there's more gender" has been rotating furiously in my mind since I saw it. When I first realized I was trans at age 15, I identified as agender, but I knew I wanted to go on T and get top surgery so I decided it would be simpler to tell everyone I was a trans man and that just kind of became the truth. Now 10 years later I'm sorta starting to feel like I wanna actually be agender again, but the idea of an identity shift like that at my current age is terrifying and idek who I'd tell, or how I'd do it, and I don't think I wanna stop using he/him exclusively, and I have no idea why I'm telling *you* this other than that I'm scared to talk to anyone I know about it because it feels like somehow admitting that I was wrong about the gender I fought like hell to become, even though i don't really think that's the case I think my sense of self might just be continuously evolving... but I just wanna say you talking about having a gender shift like once every several years is helping me process this rn and feel like I'm not faking anything now AND wasn't faking anything before.

Dog i am right there with you. As a kid I always thought gender was bullshit, the coercive nature of it disgusted and scared me and I rebelled against it the best that I could. I loathed being assigned to any gender category, I never identified as a "girl", but I didn't really identify with any other category either. Puberty terrified me (and of course, it does most young people, but it felt like it would only more deeply entrench the category that I was assigned to in other people's minds, it made it more difficult to escape). I had trans friends as a teen but it did not occur to me to transition because there was really no end goal that I wanted to head toward, I just knew what I wanted to avoid and not experience. I coped mostly by degendering my body with a fairly androgynous style and way of presenting myself to the word and mannerisms, but also by starving myself which was not so great, and not sustainable. I considered transness for myself, even trying on a friend's binder and presenting masculinely at certain queer events, but it seemed to me at the time like just another way in which to obsess over gender, a foolish coercive socially constructed thing that i was trying to avoid.

In my 20s, I learned more about nonbinary people and figured that explained things pretty well. I was enamored with the transition journeys of some other trans people, largely trans women more than trans masculine ones (with some trans-effeminate faggot boy exceptions), but I still didn't want to take on all the expense and uncertainty and hassle of navigating the medical system for myself. I didn't think that the pursuit of being happy merited taking on so many risks or fiddling with myself so much. I saw it as an extravagance I didn't deserve, I guess, and I also couldn't locate a target outcome that seemed desirable enough for me. I was still dealing with an eating disorder and recovering from some trauma and didn't really think about my life in the long term. I guess I still don't, haha, whoops.

Eventually I came out as nonbinary, and nobody really gave a shit. There is a lot of useless, solidarity-breaking discourse that happens online about essentially who is "more" oppressed, binary trans people or nonbinary people, and a lot of that fight amounts to the two groups shouting about the ways in which they annoy one another without there being any cogent analysis of power and where oppression comes from (let alone how much those two categories overlap).

But I will say that being a they/them was far more difficult than being a trans guy socially and institutionally, because your identity is completely illegible to every system around you. "binary" trans people struggle under this too, but i have found there are some immense benefits to having a socially and institutionally legible target gender. nobody would fucking actually they/them me. not anyone. not even other trans people and queer people. there were no public gendered spaces for me. there were no spaces for me. there was no way to move through the medical system, professional life, and other public institutions as a nonbinary person. i was still just a cis woman in everyone's eyes. including the people who claimed to support me. and it was massively frustrating.

and so i think ultimately, i took my frustrations with not being at all able to escape coerced gendering as a nonbinary person and combined that with the affinity i do feel for queer men and the general sense of misery i was still experiencing in my life and decided what the hell, i'll round myself up to being a trans guy. i upped my T dose, i dressed more masculinely, i eventually got a super masculine hair cut that really squared off my jawline and got me gendered correctly, and i started more consciously inhabiting queer men's spaces.

and it was pretty dope. for a while. i felt the rush of having gotten away with something. when people effortlessly gendered as male i felt freed at last from the pressure to be a woman. i was no longer being coerced into being something that i was not. i had escaped the enforced category so much that people couldn't even see the history of that category being pushed onto me. there was relief.

but then. as always happens. people made little comments about my handshake being too weak for a man. the hypermasc dudes at the leather bar rolled their eyes at me and all the other effeminate dudes swanning around the bar. the people who picked me up off the apps or at the sauna would always let it slip, eventually, that they had a lot of experience with trans guys, or had most recently been dating all trans guys, and it would make me feel like a stock character to them, yet another category into which all kinds of assumptions had been projected. a type not a person. a few people said my haircut made me look like i was in the military or described me as actually masculine, which was equally jarring because it was so incorrect. people tried to affirm me by saying i was such a dude, i was such a man, i was such a fag, i was such a gay bro, pawing all over me leaving the mark of all their assumptions and oversimplifications behind. i had tried to run away from gender and there i was just BASTING all the time in everybody's goddamn assumptions about gender. trans people didn't talk about it any less than cis people did, they were just as fucking confining to be around.

it honestly feels really dirty. when people try to affirm your gender constantly and can't stop talking about it, when people look past you and see only your body, your history, or the role they have typecast you in, when people use your body as an outlet for their own gender or sexuality explorations, when they keep trying to measure every single facet of existence up into being masculine or being feminine or being toppy or bottomy or any other gendered type, it's claustrophobic.

as a trans man i tried playing this whole gender game and the second i started winning i began to feel even more disgusted with myself. it wasn't a victory or an escape, it was a capitulation. exploring with my identity and presentation has brought positive things into my life and my health has gotten better as a result, and i've made wonderful friends who, like me, are disaffected by this coercive gendering system. so i don't regret any of that. but trying to make myself legible under the existing gendered system was a fool's fucking errand. i wish i hadnt done it to myself and i wish i hadnt had it pushed onto me. to be clear, it was cissexist, binarist society that forced it onto me; even when other queer people coated me in their gendered assumptions that is obviously a byproduct of societal conditioning, and it's conditioning that ive reinforced in my own behavior and outlook toward others plenty of times too. we all do it, and we are all wronged by the existing coercive gender system.

i dont even care how i fucking identify anymore and i have no intention of changing pronouns again or anything, i'm so bored of it, i just actually want off this fucking thing. im not interested in trying to make others understand what i am anymore or in who i am even being simply categorizable, i dont want to obsess anymore over how i am perceived or to attempt engineer my appearance and mannerisms to broadcast an identity to anyone. i dont even want to fuck anybody right now at all because im so sick of how much that's a gender pantomime for people. i want off this fuckin ride man im so done.

it's kind of freeing, to hit this point of complete gender apathy, and i think it is a pretty common stage of identity development for a lot of queer people who have explored multiple identities and roles over time. there is no category that i actually am, or that anyone is, there are just the frameworks that society has given us to work with to understand ourselves, and the ways in which we flatten who we are to be able to make sense of the world using those frameworks. but who i actually am is so much more contextual and mutable than all that. i am a different person in the classroom than i am on the train platform than i am in the bedroom than i am cuddling on the couch than i am when i'm working out than i am when curled up on the floor crying than i am at a big furry convention. who i am continues to change as new people come in and out of my life and age and change and my body alters and as the weather turns. who fuckin knows man it's nothing and everything. i want to let it just be

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localityghost · 1 year

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ᗷᒪᑌE ᒪOᑕK ᗷOYᔕ ᗯᕼEᑎ YOᑌ GET IᑎTO ᗩ ᗩᖇGᑌᗰEᑎT☆ Part 1

Rin Itoshi

Argument leading to a breakup

You were fresh out of a argument with Rin trying to hide your tears he was so obsessed with surpassing his brother he completely forgot about you "If your gonna get in my way why don't you just leave" his words echoed in your head as you packed your things stuffing them in your bag eventually Rin came in "What are you doing Y/N?" He asked a surprised look on his face "Leaving! Since I'm just gonna be in your way!" You said anger in your voice as you finished packing brushing Rin aside to open the door before he grabs your wrist "Sweetheart can we just talk about this...?" You hesitated for a bit these are one of the times where he sounded sincere and that's how you knew he meant it so you relaxed upon his touch as you turned to face him tears in your eyes as he embraced you "I'm sorry...I didn't mean what I said we can cuddle alright? Just...don't leave" you obliged to his request putting your things down to cuddle <3

Kunigami Rensuke

Leaving without a word

You and Kunigami got into a argument that was partially your fault but you didn't wanna admit it so when you two were arguing he packed his things and left leaving you alone in a empty bedroom at first you resented him but then felt the shrouding essence of loneliness when he wasn't there holding you the feeling being too much you went out of town for a while little did you know Kunigami came back to a empty apartment with flowers and chocolates to come apologize being met with a empty presence made his nerves sky rocket, you didn't actually leave him over a argument right? Right? His mind raced as he called you over and over to the point where you put your phone on silent. A week has passed and you felt refreshed coming back to your apartment seeing a extra pair of shoes at your door that sent a sense of alarm through your body as you entered your room you see a sleeping Kunigami specifically on your side of the bed with a bunch of gifts on the other side with the sight you felt heartbroken and that's when he woke and your breath hitched he got up the first thing he did was to take you in his arms and give you a string of apologies.

Bachira Meguru

Sleeping somewhere other then here

You and Bachira rarely got into arguments them ending off with you two sleeping in bed and cuddling but not this time he went too far you and Bachira have gone way back since he was a kid his weird and unnervy charm making you fall for him of course unlike Bachira you were quiet and often got picked on so when he brought up that topic in the argument you paused and that's when Bachira knew he messed up, you took some extra sheets and some pillows from the couch and retreated to the floor "Come on Y/N! I didn't mean it! I liked your poofy hairstyle back then!" You didn't listen instead just laying on the floor as Bachira stole the sheets from your little placement laying on top of the others "Move Bachira" you said a bit frustrated "No!" He said standing his ground "If your gonna sleep here then I will too!" He said with that pout adorning his face which left you with a sigh as you laid there facing away from him a few hours into the night Bachiras nightmares occurred leaving him scared which has a wave of guilt washing over you as you snaked your hand into his holding him from behind before he turned to you cuddling into your chest.

Barou Shoei

Wake up. Break up

You and Barou had gotten into a harsh argument sometimes you were fed up with his kingly attitude or how he acts like he's better then everyone else which led you guys here what the words that stabbed you in the heart "If your gonna be a bitch and drag me down then you don't deserve to be here beside me without me your nothing and it'll stay that way" those words you made realize how much Barou didn't care it was a harsh awakening but I think it was a wake-up call as the day after you left as in left left you straight up left Tokyo you didn't wanna see Barou neither did you wanna speak to him, That was until you got a letter at your apartment door and it was from one of the directors of the U-20 match requesting a meeting with you at first you hesitated but then you decided to go you wore something nice as you were escorted to a room with Barou in it and he looked sweaty like he had been practicing way too hard you wanted to leave right then and there but his hand touched yours his big rough hands that were large in comparison to yours "Stay...it's been rough without you...I'll do anything you want just don't leave me..." his head was leaned on your shoulder as he held you close and you couldn't do anything but to give into the king once again.

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evilminji · 4 months

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Pondering Doors Again >.>

Thinking about a concept I saw in a Manhwa. "Dungeons feed of the death that occurs within them" and how the Protagonist went "alright, Bet. A stable and prosperous society for outcasts has a LOT of Death! What with the need to eat food and people growing old and thus, inevitably, at least SOMEONE dying every day".

Because FARMING is and always has been a slower but more profitable way to accumulate food then Hunting. More reliable too.

And? What better way too feed your hunger(HungryHungryHUNGRYItHurtSIMSO-) then by BECOMING a Trap Door? Not every ghost looks human. Not every ghost WANTS too.

Maybe you want to Live. Yes, you are fighting, fighting, fighting. Not even Death can take you. But given half a chance? Given the infinite freedom of the Zone and all of Time stretched out before you? Do you? WANT to think anymore? WANT to keep fighting FOREVER for every scrap of food to fill your endless NEED for food? Your obsession with being full?

You can stop.

Like meditation.

Instead of MAKING a Lair... become one. You could always change your mind, if you felt like it. Souls rarely if ever DO, but you COULD. Then? You wait.

There are house ghosts. Dwellings that die. You blend right in. Are you angry? Vengeful? Do you blame the world? Perhaps you'll call them in. Like Hansel and Gretel. Look upon my house made of candy, children. Isn't it tempting? Isn't it sweet? Come closer. Listen to my siren song.

Chomp.

But, maybe you are tired. Hungry. Old bones and cold, barren soil. Barely the strength to paint gaudy veneers over straining, decaying wood. Like long abandoned circuses. You try for the appearance of cheer, but your tattered visage. betrays you. Yet, just like them, while you may not be able to entice those you truely wish to come? Vermin find safety and comfort in your walls.

And is that not how nature heals? First the weeds? The insects and vermin? Little things that build to great forests over time? Blobs hide within in you. Safely out from underfoot. What do they care, if you can not provide them scenery? You are safe. And they? They feed you in turn.

Like little worker bees. Drifting out, gorging on ectoplasm, and returning. Nesting safely inside you, they radiate that Ectoplasm and leech it into the Lair around them. You feed. And Feed. And FEED.

You make more places to hide for them. Bushes. Trees. You only half remember them now, so the colors are off and the forms shakey at best. The blobs do not care. More flock to you in response. You grow stronger. Make more trees.

You finally, FINALLY attract a curious and skittish ghost. They linger by the entrance. Watching. Uncertain. They know traps and hunters hide out here. Who would leave a perfectly good Lair up for grabs? This is a trick. A nasty little trap. Right? It has to be! Their luck can not be this good.

But it is. Because bottom feeders find each other all the time. Lairs that have little to offer and Ghosts who couldn't possibly defend anything worth keeping. All the Zone is stronger then them, why not be weakling together?

And they always take the chance. Because hope is eternal.

Inching forward in a cautious float, ready to dash away, they eventually realize the Lair really IS up for grabs. It really CAN be theirs. Which of course... means they have to fix it up of course! They are THRILLED. Look at all this ROOM! Why, these trees are LOVELY. A good start! They just gotta tweak THIS and then THAT aaand... there we go! Oooh, now over THERE would be a great place for a- *excited muttering*

And a proper ghost? MUCH better at bringing in Ectoplasm then a blob. Then dive in and out, fetching plants to transplant, decorations, building supplies. They invite their friend to crash with them. Become roommates. Their roommate gets a partner. They meet someone. Eventually somebody has a kid. And so on and so on.

All the while, they are feeding their Lair. Do they know it's not a NORMAL Lair? Yeah. They aren't dumb. Blobs disappear sometimes, if no one leaves for too long. House ghosts don't do that (or so they're told). But? They aren't powerful ghosts. They are weak ones. They CAN'T defend one of the nice spots from jerks who want to take it.

But a Lair that can defend ITSELF? And doesn't seem to want to eat them? Meh. Whatever works, man.

And you know what happens? Eventually, you reach a sustainable mass tipping point. Enough ghosts, set up in houses and cabins and castles and caves. All within a single Trap Lair. That they radiate enough ectoplasm to sustain the Lair itself. Enough that it can FINALLY pull the infamous and legendary "never leave" trick.

What is that trick?

Simple! You are a ghost. You'd kinda like an apple. You get up to leave you Lair to go get one. Oh, hey, an apple tree! That's new. Oh, these are really good! You sit back down. You never leave. Why would you leave? You are happy and have everything here. Your friends and family are here. Have another cake. Sit back down.

That is the trick.

The Trap of the sort of Trap Door.

They are known as Honey Traps. Heaven's Gates. Dream Doors. And they build slow to become quite dangerous. Entire cities exsist inside them. Ghosts go in and never come out. The take the energy you produce, small kernel that it is, and feed it back to you. And Ghosts? Efficient generators that they are, produce far more then they are given. Little into more. Little into greater. Building and building.

Until it has the strength to weave dreams.

Trap and entice. Blind and numb you. Bread and circuses for the masses, pay no attention to the bars that keep you here. You LOVE the comfort of your cage! You can leave whenever you want! You just never want too.

The Lair makes certain of that.

@the-witchhunter @hypewinter @hdgnj @mutable-manifestation

#danny phantom #danny phantom prompt #dp prompt #minji's ponderings

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genericpuff · 1 month

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Seeing how there only 10 episodes left do you think Rachel will rush the ending?

The way I see she needs to somehow resign Apollo reign, reawaken the God's, have Persophone defeat Kronos, have Persophone create Elysian, stop the entered winner/killing of nymphs and humans, hell we don't even know what is Leto end goal and what is her whole role in this series other than manipulating Apollo to be king. We don't even know what exactly she did with Zeus (but knowing Rachel she made Leto the other woman despite the fact she was another respectable goddess)

Imo I think Rachel is officially done done with her series and know her viewers are fed up with her constant milking of the series. You can even see it in some of her work where you know she just gave up (unless it's her self insert scenes)

On a side note another thing I should point out is the anti climax of Leuce and Thetis. Besides the fact she made Leuce another other woman the way she made Leuce expression during Persophone home Invasion made it look like she wasn't going to back down. Only for her to make be forgotten 3/4 of the final arc and is never mention again. Persophone didnt even ask Hades how does he even know Leuce. So unless Rachel has plans for her again that was the last time we saw her making that whole plot unless.

While Thetis plot.........

I'll be honest she just got a slap on a wrist and Rachel just insert Achilles as a way to bait her audience/trying to make a cultural reference. Tbh I thought Thetis would have a bigger story like fast-forward she believes she gotten everything she wanted and is now Queen only for the Trojan war occur and she only lost her status bur her son. Thus making the scene a poetic justic/tragedy.

I'll finish this off since I don't want to run my mouth about this series so here's my 2 cent. Rachel is putting to many Greek mythologies in her series that a) she has forgotten about characters b) everyone is now expecting her to have this series be all wrapped up in a nice bow when it actually be worse c) and because she has so many subplots they are left unresolved or unsatisfied

Oh, Persephone created Elysium already. It was literally just this LMAO

Okay in all honesty I don't know if that was actually meant to be Elysium, but I remember seeing people comment on the S2 finale when she was bee-burping at Kronos that she was creating Elysium at the same time as fighting Kronos and I just... yeah okay? But they literally haven't even name-dropped it since the trial. This is what I mean when I criticize Rachel's writing for depending WAY too much on reader headcanon, because not only will she just roll with whatever her fans theorize, she'll do so without actually writing it into the comic so unless you're in the FB groups and Discord, you're probably not gonna pick up on every little decision Rachel made because she's making them with half a thought and a quarter of the effort needed to express it. It means people can say whatever and she'll just take credit for it like "yeah! that was Elysium! totally! you get it! okay moving on-"

As for the Leuce thing, Hades deadass met Leuce when Zeus offered her up as a bride, which Zeus explained to Persephone during the S2 finale arc-

-but again it suffers from a lot of the same issues of Rachel not expanding on her ideas and just resolving them with some other random plot convenience. Why would Leuce be so obsessed with getting with Hades that she'd make up fake text messages? Rachel just really didn't want Hades to be interacting with other women in the 10 years that Persephone was gone, so she had to make Leuce delusional for it to work ?? Why would she go so far as to tell Hades about the text messages if they weren't real the whole time?

-but then of course before Hades can respond to this, Persephone interrupts, meaning the plotline can be put on the backburner until Rachel comes up with a solution to it-

-and then we got to see Persephone 'resolve' the issue by harassing Leuce in her home, and it was only until after THEN that Rachel finally went "no it's fine that Persephone vandalized her home, the text messages weren't real!!! see??? Leuce is just a delusional nimwit! She deserves it!"

And yeah the Thetis and Achilles thing is yet another 'plotline' that Rachel only introduced to try and legitimize her comic as a Greek myth retelling. Just about every myth she tries to portray is done vaguely and without any thought for the world they're inhabiting, it's all just lip service.

At the end of the day, a lot of the writing in LO is 1.) trying to make up for the lack of plot development in the first two seasons (hence why we're now getting sudden lore dumping about how the seasons work) and 2.) trying to make up for its lack of Greek myth set pieces because Rachel has now been openly called out for being arrogant in her 'knowledge' of Greek myth and it has people analyzing just how little Greek there is in this Greek myth "retelling". It's especially apparent in the second season when the whole thing is just self-insert fantasies about Hades and Persephone living together until the plot finally has to get moving again. Every now and then Rachel remembers that this is supposed to be a retelling, so she'll throw in some random Greek myth reference like the Colchian dragon or Aphrodite marrying Hephaestus or Thetis and Achilles.

It's very evident that Rachel never learned how to write a longform story or planned to make LO as long as it is and the story has suffered all the more for it. And it sucks because that's not the story I got onboard with back in 2019-2020, but that's where we are. Ironically, as much as I criticize LO for not having enough Greek myth influence in it, I do think the story would have been far better off if it just stayed as a cheesy office romance fluff fic. It's clearly what Rachel wanted to write but either she or WT (or both) got ahead of themselves and took on more than what LO - and Rachel - were equipped to follow through on.

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything #lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus

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migueloharaslave · 3 months

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WARNING!!!!!!!!! NSFW WILL OCCUR HERE SO SKIP IT IF U WANT OR WHATEVER (obv it's not the best cuz im still new to this pookies)🗣🤪🫶

"You always do this shit. Why do you keep asking me that?" Shawn groaned in annoyance as he slammed the refrigerator door.

"Well I can't help it. Sometimes it just feels like you don't even love me anymore. You haven't even took me on a date in a fucking year." You choked back tears as you studied his movements. Shawn then decided to walk up to you, he pushed you down onto a chair, pointing a finger at you. "You're a bitch. You constantly fucking say 'do you even love me anymore?' Of course I fucking do. I don't take you on dates because your always busy with that dumb job. Plus, I think your cheating. Who's that guy you've been texting.. Miguel? Yeah, you didn't think I saw that on your phone? What fucking guy asks a girl 'You free tonight?' You got something you wanna tell me?"

You stared up at him, you felt tears form in your eyes as you stared at him. "M-Miguel is a friend. He's just a friend I've met at work! I wouldn't cheat on you and you know that. I see him nothing more than a close friend. Sometimes we hangout and eat dinner together that's it." You choked back your tears as she you stared at him, fidgeting with the bottom of your shirt.

"Uh-huh. Whatever you fucking say. I'm going out, don't call me." Shawn scoffed as he stormed off out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

You stared off into the distance before bursting out into tears, all these bottled up emotions were now coming out. You've been dealing with this toxic relationship for so long.. You didn't know how to get out of it though. You felt so attached to him.. emotionally. He's the only boy to ever lay eyes on you, sure you may had a huge glow up since highschool, but deep down you still felt insecure. You sniffed as your last few tears dropped, then you heard your phone vibrate against the table, you picked it up and saw it was Miguel. You wiped your tears away as you cleared your throat and answered.

"Hey." You said in a soft voice.

"Hey.. You sound weird. Are you alright?" Miguel responded, furrowing his brows at the tone of your voice.

"Yeah, just allergies." You giggled.

"Yknow.. If anything is bothering you, you can always talk to me." Miguel spoke in a stern voice.

"I-.."

"Tell me."

"I don't know.. I just don't want anything bad to happen."

"Nothing is going to happen, I wouldn't let a thing happen to you. Talk to me."

"It's my boyfriend."

Miguel scoffed.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Well anyways, Shawn is accusing me of cheating. Just because we hang out. He thinks just because you asked me if im free tonight that I'm hooking up with you or some shit, it's annoying. I would never cheat, I love him so much."

"Oh... I see. So, he's jealous of me?"

"I guess."

Miguel smirked, "He's jealous because I'm treating you the way any other man would treat a wonderful woman like you. 8 years together and still no ring, he's not worth it. Not at all."

"But I love him. He's just going through a lot.."

"And he takes his anger out on you."

"Well.. I don't mind."

"Are you being serious right now?"

"Yes, I'm not a good girlfriend to him anyways."

"Whatever, stop talking about him. Let's focus on us, hm?"

"Yeah.."

"Great. Soo.. still gonna go out with me tonight?"

"We're not going out together. We're two friends hanging out."

"Still, you wanna go? I have no plans.. "

"Yeah, I'm going still."

"Great, I'll pick you up."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye." You hung up.

"Love you too." Miguel whispered at his phone. He sighed and sat it down on the table. He chewed on the inside of his cheek. God, he was head over heels for you. Although you two barely even met, he felt so close to you already. Call him obsessed with the way he remembers every single detail. Miguel stood up, and walked over to a window, looking out at the city. He had a great paying job, which was the reason he would be able to afford all of those dates. And there should be no surprise that he lives in a penthouse, his apartment was black and red themed, definitely gave off a romantic vibe.

..You put on a white sweater with a casual jean skirt along with white legwarmers to give it a more cozy vibe, and black boots to top off the outfit, the outfit was cute so of course you did a half up half down hairstyle while slipping a white bow in your hair. You were fixing your lashes that you were putting on before you heard the doorbell ring, you gasped when you knew it was Miguel. "Shit!" You scattered around the room to find your purse, you snatched it up when you found it laying on the ground. You made sure to spray yourself with some perfume before dashing out to the door. You took a deep breath before opening it, looking up.. you saw Miguel.

Miguel.. That man knew how to take your breath away. He wore a white sweater and jeans.. just like you did. You glanced down at what was in his arms.. purple roses?

"Heh, seemed like we decided to match." Miguel chuckled to himself as he invited himself in ,walking past you he looked around, peeked around the corner, then back at you. Scrunching up his nose he asked, "Where's that boyfriend of yours?"

"He went out.." You closed the door and bit your lip as you watched him, eyes examining his strong build before he handed you the flowers.

"Purple roses, just like you told me you liked. I thought since you liked the color purple and roses that'll I'll get you both instead." Miguel hummed.

"Thank you, they're beautiful." You smiled to yourself, you grabbed a empty vase, feeling it with a little bit of water. You sat it down on the middle of the table, taking the roses out of the plastic before slipping them into the vase smiling at them.

Miguel looked at you, his eyes seemed to narrow as he watched the way you moved across the kitchen. You were kinda like a swan, all graceful and soft with your movements better yet you could be a goddess. A goddess who deserves more in her life then some poor idiot. Miguel scoffed and looked off to the side as he just thought about your boyfriend, the way he treated you.. he hated it.

"What's wrong? You look upset." You looked at him before stepping close to him. Miguel turned his head to look back into those eyes of yours, he licked his lips as he felt his throat go dry.

"Nothing." Miguel closed his eyes and sighed, that vanilla perfume you wore was starting to drive him crazy. "Let's go, Hopefully you don't mind walking. It's not too far from your apartment."

"Fine with me." You smiled.

You two made your way out of the apartment making your way down the streets of Nueva York, the streets were crowded so you held onto Miguel's arm as in hopes to not lose him. Soon, you two made it to the restaurant. It seemed to be a fun little colorful spot filled with laughter and a live jazz band playing.

Your eyes widened with excitement at the vibes this whole place gave off, it was so colorful.. it smelled absolutely amazing, there was nothing but happiness all around. You and Miguel found a spot to sit next to near the band so you could watch them play.

Miguel pulled out your chair, when you sat down, he pushed it in before sitting down himself. He watched you as you smiled watching the band play, seeing your smile.. the way your smile stretched across ear from ear, the way your dimples showed. It felt like he was trapped. Trapped in this curse you had put on him, he bit his lip as you looked over at him, you two locking eyes. He felt his heart pound in his chest, only God knows how long he has been staring at you.

You looked up as a waiter walked over with a big grin, handing you two a menu. "Hello, hopefully you two are enjoying your evening so far. I'll be your waiter, any drinks I can start you guys off with. We have soda, water, some wine.. and don't miss out on our little deal for couples!"

"Oh we're not a couple. Just friends." Miguel cleared his throat, you nodded your head in agreement.

"..Oh. Well, how about you skip over that deal." The waiter chuckled nervously.

"Uhh.. I'll have a coke. You, Miguel?" You smiled at him.

" I'll have iced tea." He looked back at you.

"Okay, okay.. I'll get those ready right quick!" The waiter walked off.

"Thank you for bringing me here. I like it.. It's been awhile since my boyfriend and I been out together, it just feels nice to not be trapped in that apartment." You sighed as you looked into the distance.

Miguel reached his hand across the table, placing his hand on top of yours. He dragged his thumb across the back of your soft hands. "Leave him."

"What?" Your frowned at him. "That's a weird thing to say." You laughed.

"No, I'm being serious." Miguel squeezed your hand, "I.. I think I'm in love with you. You're so beautiful and just overall perfect, someone like him doesn't deserve you. I can treat your better, I wanna be yours."

You stared into his eyes as you listened to his love confession, you shook your head. "No.. No I can't. Miguel.. I have feelings for you too but I just can't leave Shawn. He's.. He's my boyfriend, he's the only guy I've ever been with."

"Let me be the second and last guy you'll ever be with."

"Miguel." You cocked a eyebrow at him.

"Y/N." Again, he rolled your name off of his tongue in such a way that it made your body ache for him.

The waiter came over and sat your drinks down, holding up her notepad as she smiled at you both. "What can I get for ya?"

..About a good hour and a half later, you and Miguel were walking down the street. "Wanna come over to my place, maybe we can watch a movie or two..?"

"Sounds nice" you smiled softly.

"Great. Let me call a uber."

And after a good ten minutes, you finally arrived at his place. When he opened the door, you gasped. "Oh my god.. It's like a vampire lives here." You joked, looking around. Everything was so nice, way better than your old apartment. You started to walk around, dragging your hands along the wall as you made your way over to the window that overlooked the city. It was night, so the city lights were so bright, everything looked like dream as if it could take your breath away.

Miguel followed you, moving to stand right behind you. "Nice, isn't it?"

"Yeah.." You whispered, looking up at him.

Miguel brushed a strand of hair out of your face as you two locked eyes, his lips parted as his heart nearly skipped a beat. He felt as if his heart was running laps around his lungs as if it was going to do a back as if.. and something soft touched his lips before he knew. Suddenly, his hands found their way to your waist, pushing you closer.

You wrapped your arms around Miguel's neck, closing your eyes as you leaned into the kiss. It was so passionate, you had to part your lips just to deepen the kiss. The feel his hands on your waist was driving you crazy.

Suddenly, Miguel pulled away, He stared into your eyes. "God you drive me crazy.."

"Where's your bedroom?" You asked with a smirk on your face. Suddenly your at home life didn't exist, suddenly Shawn didn't exist. Suddenly Miguel was the only man you wanted, suddenly.. you were in his bed.

You two continued to kiss, practically trying to eat each other's face off at this point. You were desperately lifting Miguel's shirt up, trying to get a glimpse of those muscles. Miguel pulled away, lifting up his sweater and tossing it aside. He exposed those strong abs along with those strong pecs, god the way his body slimmed down at his waist honestly drove you crazy. You bit your lip as you caressed those strong arms of his giggling as you sat up, allowing Miguel to take off your sweater too.

Miguel leaned in, pecking kisses along your neck. He mumbled soft praises along your tender skin, hands on your waist dragging down to your skirt. You couldn't help but feel desperate, the way he unbuttoned your skirt with ease, nearly tearing it off he finally toss them aside, exposing your panties to him. Miguel kissed your ankle before pecking kisses down to your inner thigh, he looked up at you with hungry eyes. He licked his lips as he leaned forward, catching your lips in a kiss once again as he brought his hand down, pressing his palms against your clothed cunt

You let out a small whimper in response which caused him to chuckle. You felt your body heat up as you started to grind your hips against his hand, god how long has it been.. your boyfriend hadn't touched you in what felt like forever, better yet he never made sex feel this exciting. Miguel's pulled out off the kiss to catch his breath, his eyes narrowed as he stared into your eyes. He hummed as he leaned down, pecking kiss down until he reached your lace trimmed panties, he pulled them down gently. He looked up at you, smiling softly. "Tell me when I should stop. I want to make you feel good, not hurt you. You're everything to me.. I want you to have every good thing in this world, mi amor." His words was so smoothing and comforting, the way he talked drove you crazy.

You bit down on your lip as you sat up on your elbows watching the way he propped your legs up on his shoulder. You gripped down onto the sheet when you felt him lick at your slit, your voice hitched when his tongue started to circle around your clit. "M-Miguel.." You whispered, bringing you hand down to grip onto his hair as he started to gently suck on your clit. Miguel pulled away and giggled, dragging his tongue along your clit before pushing it inside of you drove you crazy the way he gently pushed in it out, flicking against your pulsing walls.. everything was pushing you to the edge.

Suddenly, Miguel grew bold, which is exactly why he pushed a single fingers inside, watching your reaction before he slipped a second inside. "Oh g-god.." You cried as you leaned your head back, your walls clenching around his fingers. Miguel started to thrust his fingers in and out at a gentle pace, then he started speeding up as he leaned in and started sucking your clit again. He looked up at you, watching the way you reacted to the way he made you feel.. you were so beautiful, the way your chest heaved when you took a deep breath.. he couldn't help but chuckle.

Suddenly, his pace quickened even more, his pace quickened suddenly and you let out a cry. "M-Miguel..!" You cried out his name, gripping onto the silk sheets of his bed, wrapping your legs around his head as you groaned. "I'm.. I'm gonna c-come.." You whined. You felt your thigh twitched, biting down on your lip you threw your head back, crying with pleasure. Suddenly, just as you were getting close, it all stopped.

Miguel had pulled away, "Not yet." He spoke softly, leaning in and gently kissing you, making you taste yourself on his lips. "But.. Please, Miguel.." You whined.

Miguel smirked as he leaned over, "You might as well get ready.." He grabbed a condom from the night stand, "It's gonna be a long night."

..After a night of nonstop loud moans and the sound of skin slapping against each other, it was finally morning.. and oh boy you woke up to something crazy. Not Miguel, but your boyfriend or.. ex spam calling your phone. You groaned as you sat up, glancing over at Miguel who was still sound asleep. "My god.." You hissed as you felt your thighs feel numb as you tried to stand up. Maybe you should start doing yoga again because you were not ready for this. You grabbed your phone and sighed, you stood up and answered the phone.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? You haven't been answering your fucking phone, You weren't at the fucking apartment. Your friends said you aren't with them. Where the fuck are you? Huh? Answer me damnit." Shawn grinned his teeth to try and keep his composure.

Just as you felt tears fill up your eyes.. and just as you were about to speak, Miguel snatched your phone. "Hello?" Miguel asked.

"Who the fuck is this? Why the fuck are you with my girlfriend?"

"..The same guy she told you not to worry about." Miguel hung up the phone.

#miguel spiderverse #miguel ohara x reader #miguel x reader #miguel spiderman #miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #spiderman 2099 #miguel ohara x you #miguel ohara x y/n #miguel ohara smut #miguel ohara angst

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zuko-always-lies · 6 months

Text

My Brief thoughts on the Azula in the Spirit Temple comic

It's very short and essentially a character piece with no plot. I didn't like it; it felt like it missed a lot of opportunities (spoilers below):

So I just read it today. It's pretty short, and definitely the most sympathetic presentation Azula since the show. Of course, that's a very low bar to clear. I can also praise the fact that it did not depict Azula as "crazy" or "a nutso," which another low bar this franchise has repeatedly failed to clear.

That being said, it's mostly weird and uninteresting. Despite the comic acknowledging Azula's weird Smoke and Shadow plot to make Zuko a better Firelord and stating that her current actions are part of that, it depicts Azula as entirely obsessed with becoming Firelord and has her declare that she's the rightful Firelord essentially every page. This contradiction isn't dealt with, and of course in the show Azula did not obsess over the position of Firelord.

A lot of emphasis is placed on Azula's relationship with Mai and Ty Lee in this comic, but, given that they almost exclusively appear as "spirits" here, little is said aside than Azula knows she treated them badly but struggles to admit it. There's really nothing about what her past relationship with them meant to her or about how these relationships developed her time, no imagination what their interactions outside the battlefield might have been like or their relationships as little kids. No flashbacks to their time in school together, only standard lines about manipulation and fear. The comic can't be bothered to imagine what various relationships might mean or have meant to Azula. And it's like it's incapable of depicting or imagining any event not already depicted in the show.

Much the same way, the comic has nothing to say on the meaning of Azula's relationship to her brother to her. Iroh is also a nonfactor.

Azula's loyalty to her father is left mostly unexplored, as are Azula's motivations in general. Imperialism was a massive part of Azula's life, but, as always in the comics, it's ignored.

Hicks apparently felt it necessary to canonize or at least reaffirm the fanon idea that Azula was really into burning turtleducks. The idea that Ursa could have just always disliked Azula never occurred to her, apparently.

If the story is pushing an idea, it's mainly that Azula was responsible for almost every problem she had with her relationships with others, aside from with Ozai. She needs to beg for forgiveness. The issues she has with other people are generally depicted as unreasonable on her end.

And of course the comic goes nowhere. It has an open ending that will put zero constraints on future writers; no clear step toward redemption is made. The only thing accomplished is to depict Azula a little more sympathetically for people who paid little attention to her in the show. I suppose, given the general composition of the ATLA fandom, that's something, and of course we have to acknowledge how short 80 pages is to tell a story.

But the reality of the situation is that it took 15 years for this comic to come out, only for it to advance her character not at all and to say nothing that wasn't evident from the show itself. Maybe in another 15 years we'll get something actually interesting about her, if we're still alive.

As for making Azula more sympathetic, hundreds of fanfics have already done a better job than this comic manages.

#Azula #azula in the spirit temple

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ep-the-penguin · 1 year

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[Child of the Endless]

└─── Headcanons──➤

[Published: Wednesday, November 23, 2022]

Pairings: Dream of the Endless/Morpheus x F. Reader

Word count: 3k+

Warnings: Light spoilers for the comic, a bit of a slow burn, implied child abuse/neglect (not with Morpheus), slight yandere themes/tendencies, also soft Morpheus (is that even a warning?), maybe a tiny bit of OOC Morpheus (who knows, you decide)

Notes: This is longer than I intend this to be, but I hope you like it nonetheless. Also, who else loves the idea of a darker version of Morpheus loving you platonically?

Eh? ...anyone...? Don't leave me hanging here... (༎ຶ‿༎ຶ)

Any comments, theories, and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated and very much welcomed! Especially since this was my first time writing headcanons...

I also would appreciate it if you REBLOGGED my work instead of liking them. It helps not only me but others' works to be put more in the top spots of the tags algorithm, so our works can get seen by as many people as possible. Thank you for understanding!

╔═ ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ════════════╗

What it's like being Morpheus's, Dream of the Endless, King of Dreams, adopted human daughter (unwillingly, mind you)... [Part I]

╚════════════ ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ═╝

⋅✦⋅ Dream isn't a being known to be friendly or open by nature, appearing cold, abrasive, and oftentimes self-obsessed. To most people and even his own subjects, he's a distant and somewhat intimidating guy, and they are right in a way. Even with his past relationships and the passion he had felt for each of them, it's so very rare for him to get attached to someone or simply show any kindness to anyone in general. Especially if we're talking about Dream before his one-hundred-year capture.

⋅✦⋅ After what became of his only son, Orpheus (and Calliope leaving their marriage because of this), he became colder and more reserved than he previously was. Of course, the pain he felt when each of his relationships had ended had hurt him, but practically losing a child (given his son was now just a head and disowned Dream as his father long ago), it's a pain that words can not even express. And because of this, Morpheus couldn't imagine seeing himself getting attached to someone ever again, let alone someone that, dare say, could bring about something he thought lost long ago…

⋅✦⋅ However, all of that drastically changes when he meets you. An ordinary human girl, of all beings.

⋅✦⋅ Your meeting with the Dream Lord could either go one of two ways. The first was that your father was working as a caretaker for Alex Burgess, and he didn't want to leave you alone with a sitter, so he decided to bring you with him to Fawney Rig in Wych Cross. There, you would hear rumors that Alex Burgess's Father captured the devil, and it resides in the basement. Sometimes you'd catch the guards carelessly talking about the supposed 'Dracula' they're being paid to watch over, intriguing you immensely. Not long after being in the mansion, you made a plan to sneak into the basement, where you were met with a pale naked man in a glass dome. His eyes were the first thing you noticed, they shined and burned like distant stars, slowly dissolving into a pale icy blue color the longer you stared at them.

⋅✦⋅ Or, after Morpheus had successfully retrieved all of his tools, he found himself sitting at Waterlow Park in North London, pondering on what his purpose was outside his function. The Lord of Dreams felt empty whilst he fed the pigeons and ducks with a loaf of fresh bread he brought with him. You were just a simple passerby, wanting to take a break from school work and the 'drama' that always occurs in your household between your parents, and that's when you randomly came across a man dressed in all-black moping. You raised a brow at the sight, curious about his sullen expression, but then saw him feeding the birds with the bread he had, which made you point out that he wasn't supposed to feed them bread, since it's bad for them. With that, you sat on the bench and began to talk to him, which earned you a weird look from him.

⋅✦⋅ You, for some reason, had immediately grabbed the Dream Lord's attention unlike any other being had before. There wasn't anything particularly special about you, just an average teenage girl. Because of this fact, it left Morpheus entirely confused, yet somewhat intrigued. Trapped inside his glass confinement, he watched with a careful gaze as you slowly approached him, looking around the place as you started to question him. Albeit you were a bit hesitant, more so confused if anything. At first, he had tried ignoring you and your questions just as he did with Roderick and his son. However, he couldn't ignore the genuine concern when you looked at him, someone who was but a stranger to you. It was the first time in his captivity that someone showed him any kind of concern for his well-being, someone who showed him kindness, even if it was small. In the park, Morpheus was less on guard now that he was free and more powerful than he was before, but instead of fully ignoring you and the questions you would ask him, he would answer vaguely, which ended up frustrating you, and to his surprise, he found your reactions quite amusing (he also found your little pouts adorable, not that he'll ever admit it, out loud anyway-).

⋅✦⋅ After your first visit to him, he found himself surprised by the gentle warm feeling slowly swelling in his chest. With imprisoned Morpheus, he was wary of you and your intentions, knowing that humans were all selfish creatures, and eventually you would ask him for something, just like his captors. But the more time you spent with him in the basement, talking to him even though he never answered, slowly softened his wariness of you. The more he thought about it, the more he understood that you being there with him was a great risk you were taking, not only for you but your father. You always set a timer on your wristwatch, and immediately leave once it went off, not before sending your goodbyes to him. With pigeon feeding Morpheus, he was curious about your random interaction with him and became more so at the thought of speaking to you again (even if you were the one doing most of the talking).

⋅✦⋅ Not before long, with each visit from you, the warmth within his chest seemed to grow bigger until he became extremely fond of you. At first, he tried to deny his care for you, then resenting you for unearthing a piece of him he had previously believed didn't exist as an Endless being (not that lasted very long. With one look at your face, that anger immediately demolishes into nothing but a distant memory). In truth, even with his previous relationships, he wasn't used to loving anything, and when he (not so) surprisingly found himself doing so, he firmly believed that he would eventually lose them in the end. Everyone that he had loved, that was supposed to love him back, had either one way or another abandoned or forsaken him, and it left him with a deep ache in his heart. However, with each visit from you, he realized this feeling, this fondness for you was the best for him. That you were the best of him, that caring for you was what made him painfully, yet so wonderfully human. Along with this, you had brought him hope, something he thought he had lost long ago. After everything he has been through, with his relationships and the tragedy that befell his son eons ago (and also his imprisonment), he never thought himself to be able to undoubtedly care for someone again, let alone a human child of all beings. You had quickly made your way into his Endless heart, without even knowing it.

⋅✦⋅ You became a constant figure in the Dream Lord's life, and he couldn't stop himself from seeing you. Not that he could in his imprisonment (nor did he ever want to). You were a very curious child, always showing how much you cared for him and his well-being, eyes shining brightly whenever you would talk to him as if his presence brought you happiness. And during this whole thing, Morpheus found himself unconsciously smiling more around you, staring at you with a soft look in his starry/icy blue gaze.

⋅✦⋅ With imprisoned Morpheus, he remained silent but would listen intently to you ramble about whatever topic you had in your mind, making subtle movements and being sure you knew he was listening to you. One particular memory was engraved in his mind where his stoic demeanor shifted and you had seen a smile gracing his lips. At first, you appeared slightly shocked, but then, your entire face lit up at the sight of his smile, however small it was. He remembered so vividly how excited you had gotten, how proud you were to achieve making him smile, and promising that you'll make him smile again, but even bigger. Morpheus wanted to see that expression on you again, the pure joy you had, and it was all because of him simply letting out a smile. When he was left alone in the basement once more, he was quite taken aback at the thought that he was the one to make you beam so brightly.

⋅✦⋅ With free Morpheus, he'd quietly listen to you talk, and would sometimes ask questions, and he couldn't help but feel pride swelling in his chest whenever your eyes would brighten up at his very simple questions. You'd become more lively, your smile widening with joy, and he noticed this particularly happened whenever the conversation was about your hobbies or the thing you found yourself enjoying recently. While you excitedly spoke, Morpheus quietly observed your expression, wondering when was the last time he had made someone this happy, had someone smile up at him with the brightest of smiles, eyes nearly glimmering with stars that were almost similar to his.

⋅✦⋅ As much as he cared for you, he was still careful to not get too attached to you. However, (surprise, surprise) that didn't end up happening. When Morpheus began to regard you as his child, seeing you as his daughter, he knew he had to quickly sever his connection with you, however great the ache in his chest hurt to just consider the idea. For he knew getting close to any human was a dangerous thing, not only for himself and his realm but for you. If he didn't, he'd have to watch you grow into the fine young woman he knew you would become, slowly growing older and older until his sister Death finally arrived and took you away to the Sunless lands. Or, the universe would see his affection for you as some sort of crime and end up punishing you, an innocent child, for his selfishness of not wanting to be alone once more. He didn't think he could live with the pain of losing another child again, having to be forced to watch you wither and die just like every other human that has ever existed before you.

⋅✦⋅ With free Morpheus, he could sever your relationship instantly, yet found himself hesitating when he was in your presence, waiting for the 'right time' to do it. Imprisoned Morpheus however didn't have that luxury. Instead, he forced himself to build up walls around his heart, for he knew the moment he was finally free, he had to immediately leave you and wanted to lessen that pain. He recognized that if he didn't do this, the pain would be too much for him to bear.

⋅✦⋅ However, all of that changed, depending on which path fate decided for you and the Dream Lord to have.

⋅✦⋅ With imprisoned Morpheus, he instantly knew there was something wrong when you entered the basement with the lack of your usual bright greeting. Not even a smile was being shown his way. You quietly took a seat in front of him like you usually did, and that's when he noticed an old book in your hands. When he glanced at you in question, he found that you were avoiding his gaze, which confused him but more so worried him, especially when you finally did meet his gaze, you looked completely lost, guilty even.

⋅✦⋅ You apologized that you didn't realize it sooner, apologized for the wrongdoings that Roderick and his son did to him, and most importantly, that you were sorry for being so blind. Morpheus sat there, completely stunned by your little speech, but more so when your tearful gaze turned into determination as you declared that you were going to get him out of there. Morpheus felt his starry eyes water, his hope of being free, of going back home to his kingdom that had once seemed so far from his reach was now so very close, and that was all because of you. And you, a child that possessed such a rare and beautiful heart didn't ask anything in return, just for him to set things right for everyone. He slowly placed his hand on the glass, watching with a tender look as you placed your smaller one on the glass, smiling up at him.

⋅✦⋅ With free Morpheus, you two were walking through the park, the Dream Lord silently cherishing his last visit with you. You then suddenly pushed him aside, causing him to stumble for a very brief second. He heard you let out a noise of pain and saw you on the ground, along with a male and his bicycle on the ground beside you. The sight of you hurt, blood seeping from your now scrap and dirty hands caused something dangerous to take hold of him. That feeling grew, even more, when he saw the man that had slammed into you with his bike reach out to help you up. If looks could kill, the mortal that dared hurt you would have been dead right where he stood. And if his glare wasn't bad enough, his voice was.

⋅✦⋅ It was so cold, so full of barely contained wrath as he commanded the man to not touch you. Not only did this leave the cyclist and the people around you frozen in place, but it also left you feeling afraid of Morpheus, being unable to recognize the man in front of you. Without another word, he quickly yet gently picked you up (bridal style) and carried you out of there. You were surprised by his actions but mostly embarrassed as you tried hiding your face in his chest, from the eyes of the people there. You asked him about it, but he didn't say anything, bringing you to a quiet area where he carefully tended to your wounds.

⋅✦⋅ Morpheus knew then and there that he couldn't leave you, your love for him was far too precious to abandon. He made a promise to himself that very day that he was going to love you for all eternity, that he would do better, for you deserved that and much, much more.

⋅✦⋅ Whenever you had to leave him, to avoid getting caught by the guards or to head back home and start on your homework (or how you would put it, to avoid your parents arguing about your whereabouts), it left him feeling immensely saddened by it. However, you would always playfully tease him, asking if he was sad, which would either have him send you a pointed look or quietly scoff, denying such a claim of being sad, even though you both knew it to be untrue. You'd reassured him that you would always come back, and you did

⋅✦⋅ Until one day after growing completely attached to you, you suddenly stopped appearing.

⋅✦⋅ At first, he thought you were late since it wasn't the first time it had happened, which you'd apologize for it. But as time continued to pass, with no sign of you coming, Morpheus began to grow worried.

⋅✦⋅ Even if you were late, you never missed a meeting with him. What could have possibly happened to cause you to miss it? But Morpheus, with the hope you gave to him, allowed himself to calm down, believing that you'll show up the next day. He knew you wouldn't just stop out of nowhere, especially if we're talking about imprisoned Morpheus. Yet that didn't stop the ache from building deep within his chest at the thought of something bad that could be happening to you.

⋅✦⋅ One day turned into two, then three, then four, and by the time he knew it, it had been a week since he last saw you. His concern grew to the point where he was nearly distracted from his duties, mind clouded by endless thoughts of you.

⋅✦⋅ With imprisoned Morpheus, he'd silently sit in his glass confinement, his thoughts always circling back to you, to your silly little rambles, your quiet and adorable laughs, your precious smiles. He was so used to being alone in the basement (alone in general, let's be honest here), sitting in the silence he had forced upon himself. However, the longer you were away, it started to become torture for him. And this can be said for free Morpheus. He'd quietly sit on the same bench you two always sat on, mindlessly watching the people there as his thoughts would go to you. Sometimes his raven Matthew popped in because Lucienne, his librarian, sent the male bird to check up on him.

⋅✦⋅ Perhaps you had simply grown bored of him, finally finding someone willing to spend time with you and listen to your conversations. Someone better, someone who wasn't him. It wouldn't be the first time. If we're talking about imprisoned Morpheus, he would feel even worse as those thoughts plagued his mind. Why would someone, let alone a human child, want to spend your time with him, someone who's trapped in a glass prison and doesn't say anything in response to you and your questions? Or maybe you have possibly changed your mind about freeing him. You didn't owe him anything, you only stumbled upon him through your own merits. That last thought alone sent him down a deep, almost dark spiral.

⋅✦⋅ Morpheus had tried finding you through your dreams (even if his powers in the basement were very weakened), yet he couldn't find you. By this point, the Dream Lord was beginning to become quite desperate to see you again, if only it was for a second. He never felt like this before in his entire existence, as if his Endless being needed you by his side for him to continue onward.

⋅✦⋅ When you were, one way or another, back in his life once more (and imprisoned Morpheus no longer in his glass confinement), there was a heavy weight lifted off his chest, as if he was allowed to finally breathe again. Upon seeing your face, nothing can ever compare to the enormous joy he felt, and at that very moment, Morpheus would make certain that you would never leave his sight again. Your unexpected absence from him for the first time since knowing each other made him understand that he simply couldn't live without you, his precious child. He couldn't bear the pain of you being far from him, where he couldn't find you or make sure that you were safe. You are far too important to the Endless.

⋅✦⋅ After that whole incident, the Dream Lord began to send his raven Matthew to watch over your waking life, sometimes even watching you through his companion's eyes (much to the raven's annoyance). When you went to sleep, Dream would personally watch over your dreams, making sure no nightmare dared to enter the beautiful dreams he carefully crafted especially for you.

⋅✦⋅ Too many times the Dream Lord found himself being affected by the thoughts of you one day leaving him as everyone he had ever loved did, disowning him as his own son had done eons ago. It all had hurt him at that time (though, he'd never admit it), but just the thought of losing you, of you hating and abandoning him, causes him a great deal of pain at just the mere thought. He couldn't possibly imagine going through that again, knowing that there would be nothing left of him…

───────────

Would anyone be down for a more detailed version of the two different meeting scenarios? Separately, of course. I think it's a pretty neat idea, considering I would have more freedom to further expand the relationship between Dream and the Reader in the different meetings, whichever fate has decided for them to have.

But what do you guys think? I would absolutely love to know!

Until next time my dear readers!

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ctheathy · 1 year

Note

Hi I love your story and I read your secret histories story and I love it, I wanna ask if your not busy how about a yandere secret history tails x reader where she is a kind and sweet person who never judge someone by their appearance and she dotes and pampers him a lot

Yandere Secret History Tails w/ sweetheart!Darling

Secret History Tails x Reader

Yandere Headcanons

Short Concept

Author’s note : Why hello, Nonnie!! Of course you may, my darling, hope you’ll be able to enjoy<3<3 My apologies for slight inactiveness, I assure each and every one of you that more headcanons of our lil ol’ psycho and other characters are also coming up; things have just been a teensy tiny bit busy for me lately, but I do try keeping up with the requests. Don’t want to let yall down💞

Quick note that I do not write for gendered Readers much though!! Accidents can happen when requesting, and I promise I am not upset, but just so everyone understands that gender is not something I’m going after.

Due to the request describing identical characteristics for the Reader as the one in my A Once Innocent Act of Tenderness fic and no specified choice of content was asked for, headcanons with that particular darling were chosen =} Just see it as a minor backup continuation of the story.

A Once Innocent Act of Tenderness ➷

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

Delusional mindsets • Obsessive + Possessive behaviour • Murder + Torture mention • Forced relationship • Co-dependency • Kidnapping • Worship • Psychological abu$3 • Brainwashing trauma [On Tails’ part] • Tails may as well get his own TW tbh

Outwardly there doesn’t seem to be all too big of a difference between yandere Secret History Tails and his neutral version. They’re both still very much sociopathic, show clear signs of unhinged behaviour and may get obsessive streaks from time to time, are manipulators at heart, can remain atleast somewhat delusional about both of your relationship with one another and they too view you as something much more above than any other mobian that might have their ways in their pathetic unworth of a universe. And although he normally could have recovered from this mindset slowly with the help by his side, his full on yandere form however, does not. And all honestly speaking, it wouldn’t even be likely to occur in the first place without a specific darling that is kind and has been there from the very beginning; when his trauma of brainwash has developed into something else ...and certainly not something in a positive light. It’s safe to say that this version of his may even be more disturbed than the sanity of his usual self, and that information alone is enough to bring in that you’re going to be stuck on quite the bumpy ride.

While his usual worshipping behaviour would hold nothing malicious behind it, this case is a little more ... interestingly different to say the least. Unlike his casual form who most easily said puts you in the place which was originally meant to be taken by Sonic after you’ve came along and properly earned it; this state of his and his already existing delusions have caused him to literally believe you to be his own personal guardian angel, being there for him in order to protect him from all the wrongs, misery and injustice in this existence. Unlike usual, at an early point he knows that the “real” Sonic of his dimension doesn’t want him, just letting the hedgehog take advantage of his seemingly non-lucid state and torment him to no end; causing him to both grow incredibly touch starved for any kind of gentle offering and worsening his already unstable mindset. And the one simple change that makes all the difference between the two is how he’d normally find himself giving in over time torwards your doting nature with him in particular, while this version of his had already emotionally snapped before he even got the chance to do so. Now the only motivations being left to linger in the back of his mind being the one entity that’s been sweet to him right from the start, and the desperate desire to just take them in as his own--His property. The others have been able to keep you and your dearing behaviour all to themselves for far too long by now, it’s only fair.

As information that’s been given before, a darling like this has him fairly taken aback, the sweet demeanour being, quite sadly said, totally foreign to him. On one hand he wants to give in, wants to achieve the gentleness that’s right on the end of the line and so easily accessible, the desires for the consideration and care becoming close to unbearable to him; but right at the same time, he feels suspicious torwards the close to angelic aura around them, feeling as if it’s nothing more and nothing less than some mere act. This distrust being caused by the harassment he’s got back when he wasn’t even in this position as Sonic’s best friend, despite the lack of memory from it. You’re too sweet for your own good, too perfect; of course it couldn’t be genuine. Another thing potentially stalling him is the fact how Sega has quite literally made him believe how his existence is meant to be surrounded by Sonic, it becoming closer to convincing him farther how it holds absolutely zero meaning without the blue hedgehog being in the picture. But even despite these thoughts of protest, the fox can only take so much. there’s gonna be some point where he cannot suppress these feelings anymore.

Even though his usual self is no exception to causing deaths of those that just so happened to cause immense discomfort or pain to you; another thing that can be written off as a big change is that he’s a whole lot more violent torwards any potential rivals, quite literally going off for torture right off the bat, unlike his casual self who just wishes to get the job done with by blowing the said mobian into hundreds of little bits by his excellent yet dangerous explosives. His yandere form however ... Is absolutely not comparable; his actions now being much more similar to how he treated his victims at the end of secret histories. The two-tailed fox absolutely has zero restraints over himself and is often completely out of control when doing so, the blood of his nemesis covering the floor and walls and psychopathic laughter filling the air. Another important aim being how unlike he would have behaved with Sonic’s case, he would be a whole lot more secretive about the entire murder thing around you. He wouldn’t want to upset his precious and divine admirer now, would he? You’d slowly notice those around you starting to disappear into thin air, each and every acquaintance vanishing only to never see the light of day ever again.

Something else I could picture is that he specifically holds immense grudges against any other Tails counterparts of his, going as far to just take care of the little issue almost immediately after notice. Despite being the filthy imposters they are, he’ll likely feel as if their chances with you rival his own, knowing just as well that they’re close to identical in appearance and intelligence. And if anything, he likely feels the most threatened by them, knowing they could all charm and lure you in all the same way you were captivated by him to begin with.

As for his behaviour torwards his darling after legitimately cracking and taking them in out of said ‘‘protection”, it could mostly be written down as both having a rather clingy and worshipping attitude, yet surprisingly distant right at the same time; not wanting to scare them off. You’re not going anywhere, he knows that much, but having them dreadfully fear him to no avail in improvement over time would absolutely crumble the fox to pieces. He absolutely doesn’t mean any kind of harm torwards his darling, to the point of quite literally not daring to lay a finger on them; but if it wasn’t already obvious before, he has clear limits to his patience. Although not directed torwards them, he can be found growing aggressive due to the lack of emotional touch and is often one to take it out on the unfortunate bystanders nearby, gifting you their still beating hearts as his own little way to show his graciousness torwards you, not realising in the slightest how terrified it truly makes them.

Don’t get me wrong, he adores you with your entire being, he really does; but he has never learned to express them the right way. And I cannot really help but see him as a whole lot more repulsive and abominable as a yandere due to one particular reason. The core of his delusions stop him from thinking properly while it causes refusal torwards the evidence literally laying in front of him; being blinded by unrealistic beliefs and inflicting them onto his poor darling in a sense of purification, all while holding them hostage in a cold and dusted basement. He’d also be a whole lot less obedient to what his darling has to say, feeling as if he’s protecting them despite their protests. You’re silly, of course your naiveness wouldn’t let you catch up with all the potential threats--those rubbish imposters just wandering around you throughout the day. And although the confidence in his beliefs has caused them to become close to being the actual truth in his own unhinged headspace,

that hasn’t stopped him from psychologically harming his darling over and over again.

#secret history tails #yandere secret history tails #mashed tails #sh tails #secret history tails x reader #yandere tails x reader #tails x reader #yandere tails #yandere sonic the hedgehog #sonic x reader

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feliciafancybottom · 2 months

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Holy crap! People actually read and reposted and commented on my first post! Eep! I even got followers!? I did not expect any of that. Thank you!! I will respond to comments and follow people bac later, I promise. I tend to suck at that but I will get there. This place appears to be much nicer than Twitter. I mean, of course it is. I never really posted much fandom stuff on Twitter, it was more ex-cult stuff over there. I know, who would expect someone that was born into a high control cult, and has shit loads of religious trauma to be into Good Omens, right? Maybe I'll talk about that sometime. Today is not that time. I got a box of Pop figures today in the mail today. The one I am super excited to get started on is going to be Aziraphale standing in front of the bookshop. I seriously need to start selling them. The problem is, I keep having ideas that keep getting more and more involved and I don't know if I should bother making them or if my ridiculous ideas are only of interest to me. I have no problem keeping my weirder creations for myself but I do have to sell most. One of the sets I'm currently working on, as an example started out as just David in his Bafta kilt outfit. Then I thought I could add Bark Ruffalo and some of his accessories as well and now, just this afternoon it occurred to me that I have a Pop body lying around somewhere that is sitting in a chair. I pulled that out and discovered that it wouldn't be too difficult to sculpt a tuxedo onto the body. So now the original David in a kilt has become David, plus the dog and accessories AND Michael in the audience. I don't know that anyone else is as ridiculously obsessed as I am that they would want to purchase such a thing. I'm going to put a poll in here just to go an idea of what other people think, or feel free to comment any other thoughts you might have. Also, by answering I don't assume that you have any interest in buying anything from me, ever. I don't expect that AT ALL. But. Entirely hypothetically, If you were so inclined, which of these options would apply:

All of these are obviously unfinished (except 1941 Crowley in the Bentley, although I think I will remove his stubble). They will be much prettier once they're done.

#michael sheen #david tennant #staged #bbc staged #good omens #good omens fanart #nye 2024 #aziraphale #crowley

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astral-mariner · 1 month

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Hopefully this isn’t too stalker-y, but I’ve noticed you say a couple times that you don’t ship Kakavege the same way as most of the fandom. Would you be willing to talk about how you see the pairing and how it’s different from the “default”? Obviously no pressure if you don’t want to talk about it, but I love seeing different interpretations of their relationship (whatever form it may take)

Not too stalker-y! If anything, I'm flattered that anyone would be interested in what I might think about stuff, haha. That said, all of the following is just my personal headcanon. There are lots of fun and valid interpretations of this pairing, and mine is but one of them.

First to clarify: When I'm thinking of the "default" (which is, of course, a very loose term, as the fandom and the shippers are obviously not monolithic at all!), what I have in mind is how Vegeta is constantly put in a submissive and/or bottom role where he gets his absolute shit wrecked and gets all sobbing and unraveled. And while Vegeta getting his shit wrecked is definitely up my alley (lol), I feel like the journey to get to that shit-wrecking doesn't vibe with how I personally interpret each character.

I think a great deal of it has to do with the fact that I don't see Goku as a very sexual person. I think he's very sensual in that he loves physical activities like fighting, eating, etc., but that like, sexual DRIVE just isn't there in the same way that it is for fighting. He probably has a libido, sure, but there's a difference between having a physical urge and being preoccupied with sexual desire. He doesn't really think about sex in the moment unless it's happening to him. In canon, he's often shown to be oblivious or not to understand things involving sex. Not because he's stupid or he can't pick up on things (because he definitely does and even plays dumb to mess with people for fun!), but because he's just on a different wavelength. Things that occur to "normal" people just don't occur to him.

And to me, all of that doesn't really line up with his being characterized as a dominant top most of the time, lol. Someone who exerts his desire upon someone else. (Which is not to say you can't have a submissive-leaning top---you definitely can; I think that is *cough* how Vegeta is with Bulma *cough*.) Now there are definitely situations where I can see Goku entering this headspace, though. Namely, say, if Vegeta nurtured that feral side of Goku's saiyan nature and encouraged him to get in touch with and act upon it. Exerting it on others.

Which brings me to Vegeta's characterization. I don't see him as particularly nurturing, lol. He sees Goku as a rival---someone he wants to tear down, not someone he wants to build up. He's obsessed with and angry at Goku for besting him. And I feel like one of Vegeta's responses to this would be to dominate him in any way he feels that he can. Unravel and defeat him. Even if it's just a pathetic attempt to feel superior or to shove down his real feelings and longings. (Because I think, deep down, Vegeta longs to let go of his NEED to fill a particular role, play the prince, be the best---it's a cage for him, and laying down his desperate desire for power and reveling in weakness would be freeing.)

On top of this, Vegeta strikes me as a person with far more dark, sexual energy. He's repressed as fuck, of course, but he's just BRIMMING with pent up feelings and desires. It even comes out when he fights. When he's dominating someone in battle, he gets really into it. He gets really intimate and personal about it. And considering his past, he's seen some fucking shit out in space. He's not innocent or oblivious even if he is a prude who tried to stay above it all. He knows what sex is, he knows what sexual desire is, he knows what sexual violence is, and he feels all of it intensely even if he doesn't let himself act on it (probably plays into why he's so ANGRY and frustrated all the time, lol). Not to mention the fact that Vegeta wouldn't have to stop and explain to Goku how to fuck him, lol; he'd just fuck him himself and show him what's what (or even sexually dominate him by bottoming from the top, so to speak).

All in all, in my mind, Vegeta would be far more likely to exert sexuality onto Goku vs. the other way around. Act his desires out on Goku. Dominate him in one of the few ways he can. Even though it's pathetic! And perhaps not even what he truly wants (to let go and have his responsibility/power stripped from him). But it's what he would do, and what he'd tell himself he wanted.

All that said, this leads to a "default" dynamic where Vegeta is more sexually dominant than Goku is. Which is against the more common fan interpretation. "Kakavege" is definitely more popular than "Vegekaka." (Even though I personally don't like when people get obsessed with who bottoms or tops... I'm a queer man, I'm messy as fuck, and I like when my ships are messy and complex like me, haha).

Even so, as I mentioned somewhere else before, there are definitely still situations where I can imagine Goku topping and/or being more dominant. Particularly in AUs where he's a lot less innocent and didn't get conked on the head, lmao. I LOVE when Goku snaps and goes feral like he did when he first transformed, though. I also LOVE when Vegeta lets go of his pride and gets his shit wrecked. But I feel like not a lot of people get either character to those places in a way that satisfies me personally when they write the pairing. Takes into account all the little subtleties and complexities of their characters. So it results in me being very picky with my shipping content for the pairing.

And THEN, on top of everything else, there's the issue of the imbalance in their feelings for each other. Vegeta feels far more intensely about Goku than Goku does about Vegeta. Vegeta is fucking obsessed. Whereas Goku has lots of rivals, and Vegeta might be one of his favorites, and he might even have a special bond with him as a saiyan, someone who understands him in a way the others might not, but he's not obsessed with Vegeta. Vegeta is always going to be angsting about what is effectively a situation of unrequited love. The pairing, at least to me, is an extremely angsty and doomed one for that reason. Vegeta just wants so desperately to be noticed and cared about the way he cares about Goku (see: the Majin Stunt). And a lot of people write the ship to be a lot less angsty than this. But I'm all about the angst, lol.

Vegeta really is the more "emotional" of the two despite insisting how little he cares for anyone or anything. Despite Goku wearing his heart on his sleeve more. Or being outwardly affectionate and comfortable sharing his feelings. Vegeta feels for Kakarot deeply even if he doesn't express it outright. Whereas Goku may love Vegeta as he loves everyone---his general love for life and everyone he meets kind of way. But it's not the intense, dark, emotional, romantic obsession that Vegeta has. The two characters are extremely different despite being two sides of the saiyan coin and sharing many important things in common.

I hope that sheds a BIT of light on how I see them? There is so much nuance to these characters. I love hearing other people's thoughts too. There are lots of really cool and interesting reads on them that are different than mine. Thanks for the ask!

#ask astral

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