#i HATE that the best treatment for ocd is lack of reassurance i HATE IT

[thebewilderer]

AGH i hate that thing where usually when your brain passively yet explicitly Predicts A Thing and then it happens with or without your at-the-time acknowledging the prediction

and then after this happens a dozen times you start recognizing it as a pattern and so every time you notice that Feeling happens in your brain where you know it's Predicting A Thing you start panicking about The Thing and how to prevent it but a) you know about the forer effect and b) even if that wasn't a thing you assume that the fact that you know about The Thing That Will Happen surely will affect the happen-ness of The Thing That Will Happen and so you try to avoid it but you also realize that by trying to avoid it you might encounter the Curse Of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy which means that The Thing will happen because you tried to prevent it which just makes you panic about whether or not you should try to prevent it or not and-

i fully acknowledge that this is an OCD thing but that doesn't make it less distressing

#ocd #actually ocd #catch me in a full on panic at four in the morning because of a bizarre series of coincidences that lead my ocd brain to- #-conclusively conclude that Bad Thing will happen #see if i even acknowledge what Bad Thing is then it will happen #i literally cannot even voice my fears without triggering the ocd #see this is why i tried to kill myself in highschool #ugh #i'm doing better now i swear #only a minor Complete Mental Breakdown this time #HUGE improvement #i HATE that the best treatment for ocd is lack of reassurance i HATE IT #it just means that i have to continue this Complete Mental Breakdown until The Thing doesn't happen #(which of course i know that my obsessions about The Thing and The Thing occurring are completely unrelated) #(which just makes it more fuCKING infuriating) #see THIS is why i tried to kill myself in highschool okay #or at least the greater portion of the reason #if anyone has any Techniques That Won't Mutate Into A Compulsion now is the fucking time please #agh #hate this #ih #pers #suicide mention #<- since i mention it in the tags #better be safe than not? i guess?