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lov3nerdstuff · 3 years

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.14}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5.7k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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The first few weeks of classes went by in a breeze. With potions and herbology out of the picture now, Robin had a lot of time to study for those four classes that she still had left to take, and she also got around to doing plenty of work on her own research on the side. The evenings however remained reserved for working in the lab or the office, for chatting and overall for spending time with Snape. Their work was either of a more experimental nature these days, or consisted of basic tasks imposed on them by the school. At the same time they tried to slowly work their way through the almost countless ingredients they had gathered over summer, experimenting with different modes of preservation and use.

During the day however, Robin soon found herself with an underwhelming amount of work to do, while Snape was obviously busy, as were her roommates, and she often found herself already bored by noon. Four classes… it wasn't a lot, even if she read ahead and did her assignments more thoroughly than anyone could expect of her. So she picked up an old habit and read up on random things in her freetime, whenever she had seen enough plants and dead animals on dusty book pages for a day. Whether it was books and articles on the dark arts, ministry decrees and political dealings, or something as pathetic as Cas' collection of glossy magazines… Robin read anything she could get her hands on.

Surprisingly enough, there had been no further issues with Morgan after the welcoming feast as of yet, and he merely gave Robin poor grades one day and the highest scores the next, as if he himself couldn't even make up his mind about what the situation between them was supposed to be like now. He did throw Robin the most bone chilling glances at times though, full of yearning and hatred and craze that even the other students commented on occasionally, but that was it. Honestly, Robin was glad about it and she knew that Snape was too. As long as Morgan stayed subtle in his insanity, they wouldn't bother with him either.

In the third week of term, Dumbledore had invited Robin to tea indeed, like he had announced before the holidays, and Robin had accepted for the sole purpose of finding out more about what the man was playing at. Of course it hadn't been that easy though, it never was, and she had left his office no wiser in the end, and with more questions than she'd started out with. The headmaster truly was ineffable by default, a mystery she just wasn't able to solve and that grew more complicated the longer she pried. But it had been painfully obvious to her at least that he knew something he was keeping from her on purpose, something that wasn't as simple as a reason for ignoring the assault on a student. However she had quickly come to realise that if she called out Dumbledore for protecting Morgan, she would cut into her own flesh, seeing as he was protecting her 'ties' with Snape just the same. In a way, Robin had admired Dumbledore for getting her caught up far enough in his system of liabilities that she wasn't in a position any longer to call him out for his wrongs. She had become a threat to him somehow, or an unpredictable factor in his game at least, and he had easily put her on a leash to keep her under control. It was a brilliant move, to her disadvantage admittedly, but brilliant no less.

One good outcome of having tea with the headmaster was that Robin had been asked to occasionally assist the professors in a few of the more practical classes for the lower years, such as herbology and care of magical creatures, but not potions however, which Robin had taken immediate notice of and was honestly glad about. She couldn't imagine working with Snape as anything but equals at this point, and it probably wouldn't be the best idea to showcase just how close they were in their friendship in front of a class full of his students. But assisting the other professors from time to time when they needed a hand would certainly take some access time off her hands and perhaps prevent her from going through Cas' collection of YA novels next, and that definitely was a gain more than a loss. Maybe she could mention it in her CV at the end of the year, when she would be done with school and left to find a job to pay for a living. Gods, she had no idea what she would do then… she didn't even know what kind of job she could do at this point. But she still had a few months to figure that out after all, and for the moment, she preferred to remain in blissful ignorance of the more distant future.

… … …

Before long it was the middle of October, or more precisely, the nineteenth thereof. A day prior to Robin's birthday, and in remembrance of the last one, she actually found herself excited for it this year. Not because of presents she might or might not receive, she honestly still didn't care about that all too much, but mostly because she'd actually had such a lovely day last year, and she hoped that she would have an even better one this time around. Actually she was quite sure that she would, because for the first time in all her years at this school she wouldn't have Morgan's class on her birthday, which in itself was already a huge improvement to any other year before.

For days on end, however, Jorien and Cas had pleaded Robin to celebrate into her birthday together, if celebrating even was the appropriate word for spending the evening in their room together doing whatever it was the two girls were thinking of, and after days of hearing their begging, Robin had finally agreed on a compromise. That's why in the evening of the nineteenth, Robin found herself in a sudden hurry upon catching a glimpse at her watch at half past ten at night, and she finished her coffee in one big gulp in return.

"Are you alright?" Snape quirked an eyebrow at her in question, obviously startled by her sudden jump into action after hours of calmly sitting across from him with her legs crossed on the chair.

"No, I'm late!" She sighed in return and gave him an almost sad half smile. "I told you I promised the girls to spend the latter half of the evening with them for once, didn't I?"

"Right… I merely hadn't realised that it was quite so late already."

"I feel like I should be more excited for this evening than I am. After letting them pierce my ears last year, I'm honestly not sure what they will try to do to me this time, and I'm not all too eager to find out. Especially since they insist on staying up until after midnight."

"Most likely they simply want to spend the evening with you because they care. But you obviously believe that whatever they have planned won't be all too enjoyable for you."

"Would you like to spend an evening with two overly excited fourteen year olds who have been planning this evening for weeks?!" She asked with humour in her voice. She liked the girls, very much so… and she was happy that they cared about her enough to want to spend this evening together. But she also knew how overbearing they could be in situations like this, and how they had a very much different idea of 'fun' than she did herself.

"Actually, I would rather drink poison." Snape replied in absolute neutrality, and only when Robin let out a snort he allowed himself to smirk as well. "Good luck. You have my utmost sympathy."

"Thanks…" She groaned under her breath in exaggeration, then smiled and finally made for the door. "See you tomorrow morning?"

"Obviously. Have a good night despite their efforts, yes?"

"I'll try. However if I don't show up for breakfast tomorrow, you should start being concerned." She turned around to him once more, and a part of her wished she didn't have to go. "Have a good night yourself. Perhaps you could use the opportunity to actually go to bed before 3 in the morning, it might do you good to get some rest after that almost-explosion in class you mentioned."

Snape rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, making Robin smirk as she forced herself to leave the office at last. While she made her way down the hallway towards the dorms, she tried to recall when she'd last parted from him this early. She couldn't actually remember; usually it was way after midnight when they decided to call it a night. Returning to her room this early now just felt oddly wrong. But on the other side, the closer she got to her inevitable fate of whatever sleepover scenario the girls had planned, the more she actually felt happy at the prospect of spending some time with them. Whatever immature things they were going to force her into, she promised herself to try enjoying it at least. Who knew… perhaps they would surprise her.

The very moment she entered her room, she was already welcomed by the smell of tea and chocolate cake, mingling with the always lovely fragrance of a burning fire in the oven in the middle of the room. So far so good! While both girls immediately started complaining that Robin was two minutes late, she moved to drop her bag by her bed, then undid her robes and finally flopped down on her bed and caught a pause in their rambling to bring out her own apology. Her sincerely apologetic expression along with it obviously appeased the girls quickly enough, and they moved on without dwelling on her miniscule delay. Both of them were in their pajamas already, but they didn't give Robin an opportunity to change into hers as they ushered her onto the only empty bed and already pressed a plate of cake and a teacup into her hands, then sat down with her to enjoy their own. Admittedly, tea and cake in the middle of the night was as normal to Robin as reading before bedtime was to others, and thus she enjoyed the start to their little celebration more than she had anticipated. They chatted about nothing particularly important, mostly about the remarkable mishap of a student in their potions class that day, which Robin had already heard about from the other perspective. Getting a full picture now however proved to be highly amusing to her, and together with the cake and tea, she actually felt quite comfortable in the situation. Happy, even. Perhaps she had underestimated the girls' taste in having fun… they weren't kids anymore, after all.

She stayed in that mindset until right after tea, when she realized that they weren't kids anymore indeed, but something far worse. Teenagers. Because as soon as her plate and cup were out of her hands, Cas supplied them all with some odd kind of facial mask, which she plastered thickly onto Robin's face before the latter could even put her hair up. It really was a messy endeavour; sticky, weird smelling, dripping onto her clothes and getting stuck in her hair, which perhaps was more due to Cas' less than expertly way of applying it to Robin's face than because of the substance itself. Meanwhile Jorien decided that it was absolutely necessary to paint Robin's nails, luckily deciding that Robin would probably prefer black over the glittery blue she herself wore, and thus got started on that while Cas was still busy smearing the mask onto every path of Robin's skin she could find. It was a living hell on earth in a way, but Robin just let the girls do and actually found herself so very amused by it that she actually had to try not to laugh out loud. It was such a cliche thing to do, such a stereotypical situation… but she would let them dress her up as much as they wanted tonight, for it was humouring either of them after all. Robin just happened to be amused by it in a different way than the girls.

For quite some time they continued their work on Robin, and finally also on each other in such a practiced manner that it left Robin guessing if they did this regularly. She never was around in the evenings after all, she had no clue what their nights looked like. Before long it was almost midnight, and Robin was sitting on the shared bed again after she had been allowed to wash off the mask as good as possible once the girls had been sure that her nails were dry enough for that by now.

"Say, do you ever miss your best friend these days?" Jorien asked Robin out of the blue, after previously discussing something entirely different. "You said you spent all summer together, so… you must be pretty close."

"Of course I do, I always miss him when he's not around." Robin replied with a small frown, probably sounding as surprised by the inquiry as she felt. "Why the odd question?"

"Oh, you know…" Cas shrugged in feigned indifference. "We were just wondering if we should keep trying to find you a date, or if perhaps you aren't interested in a relationship because you already ARE in a relationship."

Robin's jaw dropped for a second, then her brows furrowed to act over her rising embarrassment. "I can assure you that I'm not in any relationship other than entirely platonic ones, but I'm still not interested in you finding me a date."

"Well, you aren't getting any younger!"

Now Robin just straight out laughed at them. "Guys, I will be eighteen in five minutes, not eighty! You don't have to push me into any kind of relationship just for the sake of it, I'm not interested in that kind of thing."

"But you are interested in something else?" Jorien quirked an eyebrow at her, a smug expression on her face as if this entire conversation had been one big trap for Robin to fall into. And she most definitely just had, going by the grins on both girls' faces.

"Look, this really isn't-..." She tried, but was cut off immediately.

"Oh come on! You can't tell us that in eighteen years of being alive you've never had a crush on someone. Not even YOU despise people that much!" Cas argued, and Jorien nodded her approval to the statement. "This is a girls' night, which obviously is something you haven't done much before, alright, but let me assure you that we are supposed to talk about boys now!"

"I don't know any boys other than my classmates." Robin shrugged. "And they're all idiots not worth talking about."

"But what about your mysterious best friend, then? Tell us more about him. About your summer together."

"I already told you many of the stories of what we experienced in summer. I even told you about some of it twice!"

"Yeah, but you never spoke of what happened between you and him, only about the things that happened to the two of you."

"Nothing happened between us! Why do you even want to know about that? I'm sure you have plenty of stories about Simon to tell… And hasn't one of his friends been oddly nice to you lately, Jorien?" Robin tried to change the topic, feeling more discomfort in the current situation than she had while they had 'beautified' her. Not only was it already difficult as it is to keep her existing friendship with Snape a secret, but the girls' prodding about what exactly she felt for him just made it almost impossible to keep her feelings locked up. Perhaps they didn't understand that… couldn't know that having a crush was entirely different from truly and desperately loving someone. Hell, even that had to be different for everyone, love surely didn't work the same for all people. Either way, Robin didn't want to talk about it. Not with them, and not with anyone else.

"You always say you speak the truth no matter what… and you insist that you never break your promises. So tell us straight out that you're not crushing on anyone, and we'll leave you be." Cas argued back, entirely ignoring Robin's attempt at a change of conversational direction.

"I swear that I do not have a crush on anyone." Robin insisted seriously, locking gazes with both girls respectively. "And I would very much appreciate it if we could use the one minute left before my birthday to talk about something else now."

"Fine." Cas sighed sadly. "I believe you. Too bad though, crushes are fun. I honestly don't understand why nobody ever asks you out, you're amazing."

"Change of topic, idiot!" Jorien hissed at her friend and nudged her in the side. "It won't do to make her feel unloved!"

"Oh, I feel very loved. You painted my nails and smeared goo on my face, what more could I want?" Robin gave them a teasing half smile, and the girls couldn't help giggling in return. "And I really appreciate the efforts you made to make this evening a small celebration. Thank you."

"Oh, but it's not even over yet!" Cas grinned, and scrambled off the bed, almost tripping over the way too long tracksuit bottoms she had probably borrowed (or stolen) from Simon. Poor boy… Cas really was a handful, but as far as Robin could tell, he really did like her a lot, and he was absolutely lovely to her. The thought made her smile, just when Cas jumped back onto the bed with a surprisingly large box.

Just in time, the clock hit midnight and both Cas and Jorien started singing a desperately off-key but very much heartfelt happy birthday, which made Robin smile even more. Yeah, she did feel loved indeed.

"Happy birthday, you old person!" Cas practically squealed at her, then dropped the box on the bed and wrapped Robin into a tight hug to which Jorien followed, and both girls together squeezed all air out of Robin's lungs, which she happily let happen.

"Happy birthday Robin." Jorien added in barely audible words that were muffled by Robin's blouse.

"Thank you guys. You really got me to start liking birthdays." She smiled, then frowned a little as the two still wouldn't let go of her. "You're not trying to suffocate me, are you? I'd like to make it to nineteen as well."

"Oh, sorry." Cas said, and both finally let go of Robin to sit back down in front of her. "It's just… this is your last birthday we're celebrating together like this. And we want you to remember it in the future."

"I most definitely will, don't worry."

"Good! But to help you with that nonetheless, we got you a different gift this year. Not jewelry for once." Jorien explained, while she handed Robin the large box in an almost festive gesture. "So you will remember us."

Robin already felt sad before she opened the box. It was true, this was her last birthday they would celebrate together. Or was it? "Just because it's my last year doesn't mean we won't see each other again afterwards, you know that, right?" She asked even before she opened the box. This was supposed to be a cheerful occasion, not one filled with sadness about a future that wasn't as depressing as they likely made it out to be in their heads. "Perhaps we can't celebrate my birthday for a while, but you won't be in school forever either. And there's no rule saying that I can't come and visit you guys on Hogsmeade weekends."

"That's true…" Cas sighed, and her smile quickly lost the sadness to it. "But right now you're still here in the first place, and you're the birthday girl. So open the present already!"

Rolling her eyes for show, Robin still obliged and took a peek first before opening the lid entirely at last. Inside, underneath a layer of colourful paper, lay a beautiful wooden picture frame that held a moving photograph of her little group of people. Jorien, Cas, Simon, his two friends who Robin had actually almost grown somewhat fond of at this point, and also Robin herself right in the middle. They were all seated in the great hall on both sides of the table, smiling into the camera.

"I remember this…" Robin heard herself saying in astonishment. "A classmate of theirs… what was her name again…"

"Patricia." Cas was quick to reply, and Robin's smile widened.

"Right… She asked if she could take a picture of us because we looked so happy. That was just recently, in the second week of term, wasn't it?"

"Yep. It actually was Simon's idea to give this to you as a gift." Cas went on to explain. "He got Patricia to make a copy of it for him, and Jorien and I got the frame."

"Thank you, honestly, this is… wow."

"We actually managed to leave you short for words for once, hell yeah!" Cas laughed, giving Jorien a high-five. "It's probably not the most extraordinary present, but-..."

"It's perfect." Robin was quick to interrupt. "There hardly are any pictures of me as an adult, other than those in the paper, and none at all of my friends. Nobody ever bothered taking a picture with me, least of all frame one with me in it, and I honestly love it more than anything else you could've given to me."

"You're most welcome." Jorien replied with a smile. "But a third of the effort was Simon's, don't forget that."

"I'll thank him too, first thing tomorrow morning. But now we should probably call it a night, it's gonna be a long Friday for you guys and I don't want you to lose any more sleep over me."

"Yes, mom." Jorien rolled her eyes with a snort. "Morning's gonna come no matter when we go to bed, you know. But Morgan's announced a test for tomorrow, so we probably should go to bed indeed."

"Great!" Cas clapped her hands, grinning. "Now that we're talking about tomorrow morning, or rather… today's morning anyway, I have something fun to tell you guys!"

"There's something fun you haven't told me about yet?!" Jorien fake-protested with a glare at Cas, while Robin moved off the shared bed and back towards her own, where she placed the picture frame on her nightstand.

"Chill, I was gonna wait for you to see it yourself, but it's just too funny not to tell you." Cas giggled to herself, and Robin frowned when she sat back down with the girls. When Cas found something funny it was usually at the expense of others, and that always should make one weary at least.

"Out with it now!" Jorien nudged her friend in the side to stop her from giggling, while Cas almost rolled off the bed just laughing to herself. "C'mon, don't do this to us!"

"Yes, fine…" Cas sighed, as she tried to regain some composure. "So you know how Parker is friends with Dave, and Dave is Martin's friend, and Martin is friends with Gideon."

"Get to the bloody point already!" Jorien groaned, and the only thing Robin had understood was Gideon's name, who was one of Simon's friends. The one who didn't fancy Jorien; that one was Michael.

"I was about to!" Cas rolled her eyes. "Anyway, Simon told me that Parker and his friends are setting up this practical joke for tomorrow morning, and it's going to be absolutely hilarious!"

"What's it about?"

"They will put salt into the tea and coffee for the head table, and charm it so that people will only taste it two seconds after drinking it!" Cas was back to giggling to herself. "Just imagine, all the professors spitting out their drinks!"

"That's horrible!" Robin replied instinctively.

"That's hilarious!" Jorien laughed at the same time, and all three girls looked at each other for a moment of hesitation.

"I think it's going to be bloody hilarious indeed." Cas finally sighed, and made her way over to her own bed at last. "Our entire class could need the laugh before Morgan's stupid test, and I think he's set one for the sixth year NEWT class for the afternoon, too. But Simon isn't taking defense classes anymore, so I don't particularly care."

"Yeah… it's gonna be great." Jorien smiled and made for her bed as well. "Especially since nobody can hold us accountable for it."

Robin stayed sitting on the empty bed for a moment longer and didn't say anything at all. Practical jokes weren't her thing in general, but this one just seemed absolutely childish and unnecessary. Sure, it wouldn't do any harm either, but still… knowing about it now left her in a position she didn't want to be in. She could tell Snape about it and prevent him from getting pranked, but on the flipside that meant she would betray the girls, in a way. And it would be painfully obvious that she had been the one talking, at least to Jorien and Cas and Simon. For a moment, Robin felt angry with Cas for putting her into this situation in the first place. Then again, the girl hadn't meant any harm, and probably only wanted to share something she thought would humour her friends. But geez, couldn't they have done this any other day?! This kind of predicament wasn't such a great start to her birthday…

"Robin? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just… thinking." She replied evasively and finally snapped out of her head, only to see the girls already all settled into their beds. "I think I'll take a shower before going to sleep, some of that goo is still stuck in my hair. I'll be quiet when I come back, as always. Don't wait up for me."

"Alright." Cas sighed softly, and even as Robin got up and made her way to her own bed, she could see the girl smiling. "You're gonna have an awesome birthday, Robin. Don't worry."

Robin returned a quiet hum, not wanting to lie nor to spoil their enjoyment of this complot, and then she quickly gathered her things to make for the showers. Once alone in the dark bathrooms, she first tried to scrub the goo out of her blouse so that she could wear it again tomorrow without any pinkish stains, and once that was accomplished half manually and half magically, she finally went to scrub the goo off herself under the steady stream of hot water in the shower. Really, as soothing as the water was, as soothing as the night was, she still felt torn about the situation with the practical joke. Why, just WHY did that one piece of information have to put an otherwise very entertaining night on the line like that?! If she was honest with herself, Robin knew what she was going to do. But she still felt bad about it nonetheless. Then again, she shouldn't! It was her birthday and besides that she was very much in the right to spare her best friend from whatever kind of agony he was facing unknowingly. Telling him was the right thing to do.

Once she was cleaned up and dry again, she put on her pajamas and twisted her still wet hair up into a bun to fix it with her wand like she did so often by now. Then she grabbed her things and was on her way back to her room, still in full determination that she would find Snape before breakfast tomorrow and warn him of the impending doom at the head table. But after she had silently stored away all her items and taken a seat on her bed, that plan of action was shaken with a start.

"Robin?" Jorien's whisper carried over to her so very quietly that she barely even heard it in the first place.

"Huh?"

"Can… can we talk? While Cas is sleeping."

"Yeah, of course." Robin was quick to reply, frowning to herself however as she motioned to the door before stepping out into the hallway herself, with Jorien following two seconds later. Only once the door was closed entirely, the girl came straight to the point.

"I don't want that prank to be played, Robin…" She said in a quiet voice for they still could be overheard, especially out in the dorm hallway at one o'clock at night. "And I know you don't either."

"You seemed to be quite fond of the idea just an hour ago…"

"I certainly don't need to tell you out of all people what an act is." Jorien rolled her eyes, but the almost pleading expression still remained predominant on her face. "Sometimes getting along with people just requires adaption, and if it's not gonna be sincere, then an act will still do."

"Consider me impressed in that case." Robin raised her eyebrows at the girl in surprise for a moment, then came back to the problem at hand. "But why do you tell me this?"

"I know there is some weird understanding between you and Professor Snape… and I'm fairly sure you will want to warn him in advance, probably tomorrow morning. You see, I would like to spare Professor McGonagall the unpleasant experience, too, if I can… I really like her."

"Right… I remember that." Robin sighed under her breath, and then was back to frowning to herself. "And yes, I'm going to tell Snape about it tomorrow morning. Would you like me to tell McGonagall as well? I'm sure I can find her before breakfast."

"See, there exactly is the issue. You can't tell anyone before breakfast tomorrow."

"You can't talk me out of it, I-..."

"I'm not trying to talk you out of it, Robin! I'm trying to tell you that you literally will not be able to talk to Snape before breakfast tomorrow, because there's this plan that Cas and Simon and I have made, because of your birthday, and we will be around you at all times before the meal. You understand what I mean?"

"You mean I won't have an opportunity to tell him without Cas and Simon knowing what I did."

"Precisely." Jorien nodded, then sighed. "I know you can do things like this… And you've done things like this before…"

"Out with it."

"You have to stop that prank. Please… I know you can do impossible things, and I know you have way more to say in this place than anyone else I know."

"I don't have anything to say around here, Jorien. I wish I did, and I wish I could just call that Parker kid out without any evidence, but if I'll be caught up in you guys' scheme from my waking point tomorrow, I don't see how I could prevent it from happening without putting a serious strain on my relationship with Cas, and on hers with Simon."

"I know it's complicated… But that's why I need you to take care of it!" Jorien almost looked like she might start crying any moment now, and honestly Robin found herself surprised by how much the girl seemed to care about her favourite professor. It wasn't something she had seen in anyone but herself before now. "Please, Robin… I know it's silly to be so upset about it, but I know that letting it happen would make you as unhappy as it makes me. That's why I told you that we have these plans for the time before breakfast. Maybe play surprised at least when we tell you about it again tomorrow morning."

"Of course…" Robin nodded, then sighed, and her mind was already working on a solution. "I'll do what I can to stop the prank, okay?"

"Yes! Thank you!" Jorien let out a long breath in obvious relief, then tired a half smile. "I mean, at least you can be sure that Snape is still up at this time of night, huh? You usually return from your work with him way later than this."

"Yeah…" Robin replied absentmindedly, tracing the scar on her neck with her fingers as she frowned ahead at the hallway. Perhaps it really wasn't the worst idea to find Snape now and save him from the joke at least, if she already couldn't stop the entire thing; Jorien was right when she said that one o'clock at night was still early for them. He certainly wouldn't mind another brief visit from her even at this time, especially if it was to his own advantage. And if Robin bargained correctly, she could get him to warn McGonagall in the morning indeed, which would keep her ends with Jorien sealed. It wasn't even such a big deal now that she thought about it, and a decent solution to the problem. Why hadn't she thought about that right from the start?

"Earth to Robin!" Jorien said in that moment, drawing Robin out of her freeze even at the quiet sound. "You're daydreaming again."

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about why I was once again being weird and trying to make things more complicated than they are."

"It's just who you are. But it always ends in something great, so don't worry about it. I should probably go back to bed now though, if I don't want to give myself away entirely tomorrow. You won't tell Cas that I actually hate this stupid joke, will you?"

"Of course not. I promise."

"Thanks…" Jorien sighed, then opened the door and waited for Robin to go in first, which however she didn't.

"You go to bed, I'll deal with the prank." Robin whispered to her, giving her an encouraging smile. "Goodnight."

"Night… And Robin? I love that you're weird, and so does Cas. Don't ever change that."

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broadcast-storm · 3 years

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Pinebook Pro Struggles

My Pinebook Pro has been riding the struggle bus lately. It's at the point where I'm starting to think that I need to drop Manjaro XFCE on it and start considering a different operating system in the hopes that what I'm experiencing are OS issues rather than device or firmware issues. This wouldn't exactly be new territory for me, as just a couple of months ago I finally gave up on using Manjaro XFCE on my Star Lite laptop. I simply ran into too many bugs with Manjaro and swapped to Xubuntu, where things have been going much more smoothly for me. I'm not confident that an OS swap will fix what I'm experiencing now, though.

Initially, Manjaro was a significant step up for my Pinebook Pro, which is old enough that I received it running the old Debian image that was so highly customized that a sizable number of software packages on it couldn't be updated, making it a security breach waiting to happen. After seeing the amount of love that Manjaro was getting in the Pine64 community, though, and how invested the Manjaro folks seemed to be in working well with the Pinebook Pro hardware, it seemed like a smart move. When Manjaro KDE became the default OS on new Pinebook Pro units, I decided to flash Manjaro XFCE onto my device's eMMC. It was exciting to go from not being able to update anything to having updates available constantly. I'd typically only use my device once or twice a week, and basically every time I fired it up there would be a significant number of updates available.

The honeymoon didn't last forever, though. One of the initial issues I saw was with respect to the battery. Unlike Debian, Manjaro features both a "Suspend" and "Hibernate" mode for sleeping the device. To my understanding, Suspend is supposed to remove power from most of the hardware but keeps the RAM warm to facilitate waking seamlessly and rapidly, though this obviously comes at the cost of draining the battery more to keep the RAM powered up. When using Suspend, I could let the device sit for about a day and half before it would be completely drained. Hibernate, on the other hand, writes the content of RAM to the swap space -- enabling Hibernate will actually fail if you've forgotten to create a swap space -- to save on power but still allow for the state of the device to be saved. That being said, if you don't have any applications waiting between sessions, the time to return from Hibernate and to boot from being fully powered off is, to the best that I can tell, exactly the same. As a result, I'm better off simply shutting my device down between uses.

While the battery can cause annoyance, I've since discovered far more significant issues. One is that the wireless NIC is periodically not recognized by the operating system when I either boot or wake the device. It'll simply show that no network devices are available, and using the XFCE UI to toggle networking off and back on makes no difference. If I was more savvy in the realm of Manjaro/Arch, I may be able to do some further troubleshooting via the CLI. Given that Debian-based distros are my forte, though, I typically just reboot and hope for the best since that's faster than grabbing another device which is connected to the Internet in order to start looking up solutions. A reboot will typically fix the issue, but not always. Earlier this week, I had the exact same behavior after a reboot. At that point I just shut down my Pinebook Pro and used another device for what I wanted to do. I left the device off until I decided to write this post, and I was happy that after a few days of sitting in the corner my laptop was able to connect to WiFi once again.

The firmware woes don't end there, unfortunately. The trackpad on the Pinebook Pro has always been a bit of an issue, with a very noticeable latency when using it that made precise movements very difficult. Clicking large buttons on web pages was simple, for example, while clicking the small x buttons in XFCE to close application was a struggle... especially for applications which weren't fullscreen, meaning that the button wasn't forced into the top-right corner of the screen. I had hoped that this problem was about to be solved a few months ago when new firmware was released that dramatically reduced the latency. After following the well-written community documentation to go through the slightly nerve wracking process of flashing the new firmware -- which included a small but non-zero chance that the ability to use the trackpad could be completely bricked -- things were working much better for me... until they weren't.

While the new firmware worked great most of the time, I started to periodically see problems where touching the trackpad with my finger would cause the cursor to "jolt" as if simply touching the surface were registering that I moved my finger about an inch or so either up or down. This wouldn't typically manifest itself immediately after a wake or boot, but would randomly crop up after I had been using the device for some time. When it happened, though, it made using the device nearly impossible. While I could fight against it to move the cursor where I needed it to be, lifting my finger off the trackpad and then tapping down to register a click would cause the cursor to jump either up or down, meaning that I was clicking on either 1.) nothing or 2.) the wrong thing. At that point, I was back to struggling to interface with the device enough to reboot it and hoping for the best after that.

While trying to write this post the first time, I ran into yet another issue which may be related to the last problem and may be something entirely new. While using the Tumblr web UI to write the post, my device suddenly kicked me back to the login screen as if I had opted to lock the screen. Weird. I tried to enter my password in order to log in only to discover that the keyboard wasn't working. I could still use the trackpad to move the mouse cursor, but tapping on it would no longer register as a click. I eventually discovered that I could still physically press the trackpad to click and used that to just reboot the device rather than running off to dig up an external keyboard that I could connect. The reboot once again seems to have restored functionality, though I lost all of the blog content that I had written.

While I'd like to switch operating systems and get away from Manjaro since that made my life significantly better on my Star Lite, I'm at least a little concerned that my issues are mostly firmware related and may not be fixed by a different flavor of Linux. If I do switch to anything different, I'd prefer it to be Armbian since I'm most familiar with Debian-based distros.

It's also worth mentioning in closing that trying to use the device in the way that I am is explicitly not what the Pinebook Pro is designed for. It's meant to be used by people wanting to do things with the ARM processor, and bugs like this are something to be expected in a community effort this large. I definitely don't mean to throw shade at the work anyone in the Pine64 or Manjaro communities is doing; it's my issue for how I'm wanting to use the device. I'm still hoping, though, that I can find a configuration a bit more stable so that I can basically have a Linux laptop that amounts to a full POSIX-compliant terminal and a decent web browser.

#pbp #pine64 #pinebook pro #manjaro #linux

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tripleaxeldiaz · 4 years

Text

all was golden when the day met the night

chapter 5/5

read on ao3

start from the beginning

As the weekend wears on, Eddie feels more and more like himself. He chalks it up mostly to staying inside with Chris, Disney+, and takeout for two days straight, basking in the unbridled happiness that always seems to surround his son. He knows, though, that a big part of his feeling better is also because of Buck — he’s never had a catharsis like that with anyone, and he thanked Buck by essentially slamming the door in his face as soon as he tried to dig a little deeper. He wanted to help, Eddie wanted him to help, but it was too much and he was too raw, so he just shut down. Defaulted to being closed off as he usually was because it was safe and easy. But Buck is his best friend, one of the people he loves most, and he deserves someone who could be open and honest with him.

Eddie really wants to be that person.

He really needs to apologize.

He tries multiple times, writing and deleting texts, planning scripts in his head but never hitting the call button. The words keep getting jumbled and they don’t feel like enough, don’t feel like they’re fully expressing how much Eddie wants to tell Buck everything, wants to fully let him in, if Buck is still interested. If he’s not, Eddie’s really not sure what he’s going to do.

He braces himself on Monday, but Buck doesn’t come in. He sees him through the window as he parks and all but falls out of his car, hurrying toward Armageddon. He stops at the front door of the shop, knocks, smiles, and waves, before hurrying off again.

It’s fine. It’s fine. He’s just running late.

He doesn’t see him at all Tuesday, but gets a selfie of a sad looking Buck wrapped in a blanket with a mug of tea and a message reading sinus infections suck ))):. He smiles as he tells him to feel better, and things almost feel normal. Maybe this is just how Buck wants to play it — pretend that Eddie didn’t have a complete breakdown and go back to how things used to be, to how they used to be, whatever that was. If that’s what’s going to make Buck happiest and keep him in Eddie’s life, that’s what Eddie will do. He’ll smash all his feelings back into a box and set it on fire if he has to. Whatever it takes to make sure Buck never leaves.

The door above the shop rings on Wednesday morning, but Eddie’s too absorbed in trying to balance the numbers of a recent wedding to notice. A shadow falls over his laptop, and when he looks up, he’s face to face with Buck, backlit in the golden glow of the early morning sunlight, looking like an angel even in his usual all black. Eddie feels his mouth go dry and his heartbeat pick up.

“You know,” Buck says, his smile easy as always, even if his shoulders look a little tense, “you’re pretty cute when you’re trying to do math.”

It’s a knee jerk reaction to roll his eyes and shake his head, and he smiles too as he sees Buck relax. “At least I know how to do math,” he fires back, laughing at Buck’s mock outrage. Just like that, they’re back in their old routine.

“That’s what I have Maddie for. She’s the brains of the whole operation, and I’m the beauty.”

“What’s Chimney then?”

“He’s dead meat after he let my flowers die while I was gone for a day.”

Eddie snorts as he gets the craft paper. “Well, math might be hard, but replacing flowers is easy. Any requests?”

Buck just shrugs, smiling softly at Eddie now. “Whatever you’re feeling.”

Eddie’s been trying to figure that out for the past four days, but it’s so much easier when Buck asks him to do it with flowers. He wraps the bouquet and turns back to Buck, holding the flowers between them like a shield.

Buck cocks his head, confused. Eddie clears his throat and takes a deep breath. “I’m really sorry about last week. You were just trying to help, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’ve got...a lot of stuff to sort through, and I didn’t want to put that burden on you.”

Buck’s smile gets softer still as he reaches out to hold Eddie’s wrist. “It’s okay, I get it. But I meant what I said — I’m here for you no matter what. However and whenever you need me.” He takes the bouquet from Eddie, holding it in the crook of his arm. “Are these apology flowers to match your apology speech?”

Eddie laughs, trying to ignore the embarrassed blush he feels growing on his cheeks. “I guess so. Yellow roses literally mean apology, purple hyacinth means asking for forgiveness, and red carnations—” mean something that you absolutely can’t tell him, he finishes in his head. He freezes for a second, scrambling for any other reason for including them, before lamely landing on— “They just looked nice.”

Luckily, Buck takes it, no questions asked.

As he leaves, Eddie feels a weight go with him, feels more like himself than he has in days. Buck is still here. He saw Eddie at his lowest and it didn’t scare him off. And while that’s all well and good, it feels fragile and new, like something that could break the minute Eddie tries to make it more than friendship like he still so desperately wants.

Instead, he resolves to ball his feelings back up in his chest, hiding them away like he’s done for months and months now. He promised himself he’d do whatever it takes to make sure Buck sticks around, and he meant it.

~~~~~~~~~~

The sun is setting as he enters Armageddon, in a surprisingly good mood given everything that’s happened the past two weeks. He makes his way to the back, distracted by trying to figure out what to do with his weekend. Maybe they can go to the art museum Chris has been raving about, look at all the works that don’t make any sense to Eddie but can keep Chris enraptured for hours. Maybe Buck will come along to explain everything.

He’s distracted enough that he doesn’t register Buck and Chris’s conversation until he’s halfway to the table they’re sitting at in the back room. When he does finally tune in, he stops, just out of sight, and feels his whole body start to go numb.

“It says they mean ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘Please forgive me’. Is that what Dad said they meant? Was he sorry about something?” Chris is reading from a school library book, the bouquet from earlier this week on the table between him and Buck.

Buck looks at the flowers, smiling almost sadly, before turning back to Chris. “Yeah, that’s what he said too. We just got into an argument, but gave me these flowers, so it’s okay now.” He turns back to the flowers, fingers playing with a stray stem that had fallen off as they wilted. “What does it say about red carnations?”

Chris flips through the book, eventually landing on the page he was looking for. Eddie braces himself as quietly as he can, because he knows exactly what Chris is going to read. “There’s a lot of meanings for different colors, but it says that if you give someone red carnations, it means you love them and feel something special for them. What did Dad say?”

His sharp intake of breath is completely involuntary, fueled purely by panic. Both heads snap toward him immediately, Chris’s face lighting up, Buck’s looking stunned. He tries to keep his own face as normal as possible, but his eyes feel wild and he’s hot all over and he just needs to get Chris and get out.

“Dad! I got a book about flowers from the library so I can know what they mean just like you!”

He really hopes his smile is genuine, because as happy as he is that his son wants to be anything like him, he also feels about 15 seconds away from passing out. “That’s great, buddy. Can you grab your stuff so we can go?”

Chris hops off the chair to pack up, filling the would-be uncomfortable silence with his usual chatter about school, what he’s reading, and what he did with Buck all afternoon. Eddie very pointedly keeps his eyes on his son the whole time, nodding and commentating more than normal so he’s not tempted to look at Buck and completely fall apart. Chris hugs Buck tight around the middle before heading for the door, forcing Eddie to acknowledge Buck without any kind of buffer.

“Thanks for watching him, we’ll see you later, okay?” he says, looking at a spot just over Buck’s shoulder. He doesn’t wait for a response, just rushes out, following after Chris even as he hears Buck call his name.

Surely, Buck will just brush this off. He won’t think twice about why Eddie actually included the carnations and just move on. They’ll be fine, Eddie won’t lose him because of his loud, dumb feelings, and the whole thing will blow over by Monday. He repeats it in his head over and over, willing it to be true.

They’re through the front door and halfway down the sidewalk before Buck catches up with them.

“Eddie, wait!”

Apparently, his force of will is not as strong as he thought.

Eddie skids to a stop, letting Chris run ahead to the store. He closes his eyes and prepares himself, because this is it. The moment he had been trying to prevent for months. He’s off the edge of the cliff, and there’s nothing he can do about it. He takes a deep breath before he turns around.

Buck is watching him. He looks confused and a little worried, and Eddie’s palms itch to reach out and somehow make it better. He jams his hands into the pockets of his jeans instead.

“The carnations weren’t just for show, were they?” Buck asks, slowly, quietly, like he’s trying not to spook a caged animal.

He could lie. He could tell him they didn’t mean anything, that they really just looked nice. He could deny it over and over, and he knows eventually Buck would give in and let it go. They’d go back to square one where they’ve been for so long that Eddie can see ruts forming in their routine.

He’s so tired, though. Tired of lying, tired of wrestling with his feelings and trying to keep them from cracking his ribs and breaking free. And Buck had already seen him lower than rock bottom, and he stayed. Maybe he would stay after this, too.

“No”, Eddie says, shaking his head. “They weren’t just for show. Neither were the gardenias or pink camellias or red tulips, none of them were. You can look them up if you don’t believe me.”

Buck freezes, eyes wide, still as Eddie has ever seen him. And for as much as Eddie is usually a coward, he decides this is the moment to be brave.

“I love you,” he says in a rush. “I’ve loved you for a while, and I didn’t know how to say it out loud, so I just gave you love in flowers instead. You’re everything, Buck, to me and to Chris, and I just didn’t want to lose you or scare you away because I don’t know what I’d do with myself if you left. We need you, in whatever way we can have you.”

He can feel himself shaking as he stops talking, face hot with a furious blush of embarrassment, he’s sure. He never stops looking at Buck though, waiting for him to say something, anything, even telling him to fuck off and never speak to him again would be better than silence.

He waits, and Buck just looks at him with an expression he can’t decipher. He looks and looks, and with every passing second, Eddie feels the world crumbling down around him.

The numbness is back, this time laced with the sting of rejection. He takes a few steps backwards as he feels tears start to prick at the back of his eyes, turning toward the store before they’re too noticeable.

He stops when he feels Buck’s hand wrap around his wrist, holding him in place. “Eddie, please,” he says, sounding close to tears himself. “I— I don’t know what to say, I—”

Eddie pulls his wrist back, Buck letting go without a fight. “It’s fine, Buck. Just forget about it.”

He walks away, tears falling without shame.

He half hopes Buck follows him.

He doesn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie is not hiding. He is strategically avoiding.

He tries to process everything over the weekend, but come Monday, he still can’t bring himself to face Buck, to have the talk where he tells Eddie that he just wants to be friends and nothing more. Because he’ll say that, but things won’t go back to normal. They’ll be awkward and stilted and they’ll drift farther and farther apart until they’re no longer in each other’s orbit, practically strangers. He wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t know what he’d do with himself without Buck, and he really doesn’t want to try figuring that out now.

So Buck comes in every day like normal, and every day Eddie finds an excuse to busy himself in the back room and let Hen handle him. It only takes her two visits to catch on and pry every detail out of him.

“Eddie, I love you, but you’re the biggest idiot I’ve ever met,” she tells him when he finishes his story.

“Thank you for kicking me when I’m down,” he says, voice muffled from where his head is pressed to the table. She grabs a hold of his wrist, tugging it until he sits up and gives her his attention.

“Look,” she says. “I don’t know exactly what’s going on in Buck’s head, but he looks about as heartbroken as you do, if not worse. You have to talk to him. If you love him like you say you do, you owe him that much, at the very least.”

She’s right, of course, but that doesn’t mean Eddie is happy about it. Nor does it mean he’s going to jump headfirst into talking about his feelings like he did the last time. He tried being brave, and look where that got him.

He’s still biding his time (and licking his wounds) when he comes back from a delivery a few days later to an eerily quiet store. It’s late afternoon, when they’re normally busy with people picking up bouquets for date nights on their way home from work, but he doesn’t hear any voices when he comes in the back door or see Hen running around with fistfuls of flowers. He walks to the front and stops dead before he can call out for anyone.

Buck is there, once again lit up by the sunlight streaming through the windows, standing next to a vase holding the biggest bouquet Eddie thinks he’s ever seen. He looks nervous, biting his lip as he watches Eddie walk closer, no doubt waiting for a reaction. Eddie’s honestly dumbstruck, because not only is it huge, but he immediately registers the meaning behind each flower he sees.

Blue violets for devotion, forget-me-nots for true love, yarrow for everlasting love. Aster, red chrysanthemums, honeysuckle. Rainflowers asking for returned affection and jasmine for love without conditions. They’re all surrounded by moonflowers for dreaming of and hoping for love. The whole thing is an explosion of color and scents and emotions and it’s beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the man standing next to it.

“I didn’t know what to say last week,” Buck says quietly, gaze moving from the flowers to Eddie. There’s a blush crawling up his cheeks that rivals any rose or carnation. His smile unfurls like a lily in the summertime. “I figured I’d try speaking your language instead.”

Eddie turns to Buck fully, tries to say something, but the words get stuck in his throat as his mind tries to process the sheer amount of things he’s feeling. He has half a mind to pinch himself, make sure he’s not dreaming, but he knows he isn’t. This is better than anything in his wildest fantasies because it’s real.

He’s snapped back to the present moment when he feels Buck’s hands on his, slotting their fingers together. Eddie squeezes instinctually, holding on for dear life, because he feels like he’s about to crack again — not from despair this time, but from sheer, unfiltered joy. It only gets bigger when he looks at Buck and sees it reflected in his eyes, too.

“Eddie,” he says, a laugh bubbling out of him like the happiness is overwhelming. “I love you. I love you so much. I think I’ve loved you from the minute I ran into the store for the first time, and it’s been snowballing ever since.” He brings a hand up to Eddie’s cheek, wiping away tears he didn’t even know were falling. He leans into the touch, smile only growing because it’s warm and perfect, like he always knew it would be. “You said I was everything to you and Chris, but you two are more than everything to me. I want to be here, with you, for you, for as long as you’ll let me.”

And because he is who he is, because he’s been living with his parasitic self doubt for longer than anyone should, Eddie pauses. His mind flashes through all his shadows and darkness lingering under this momentary happiness, and while it’s overwhelming and good and true, he still doubts.

“I’m a mess,” he says, feeling Buck tighten his hold like he’s afraid he’ll try to run. “You saw it up close. I can’t guarantee it won’t always be that bad. Are you sure you want to deal with all this?”

“I want everything with you, Eddie. Good, bad, and ugly. You can’t scare me away that easily. I won’t let you.”

For once, there’s no rebuttal. He knows Buck is telling the truth, feels it in every part of him. If he focuses enough, he swears he feels a little less darkness around him. But there’s so much going on in his head that he doesn’t know what to say anymore, can’t figure out how to express to Buck exactly what all of this means to him.

He’s still not great at words, but he’s as good at actions as he is at flowers.

There’s no fireworks or angels singing when they kiss, and it takes a few tries for them to stop smiling enough for their teeth to get out of the way. But once they fall into a rhythm, Buck hands on Eddie’s hips, Eddie’s hands running through Bucks curls, the whole world falls away until it’s just them. It’s a slow, gentle thing, but Eddie pours everything he’s hiding into it, hoping that Buck picks up on how much and how deeply he loves him. If the smile he feels on Buck’s lips is any indication, he thinks the message is loud and clear.

They pull away eventually but only to rest their foreheads together, soaking up each other. Eddie’s still smiling as he leans in, placing kisses on whatever parts of Buck’s face he can reach, just because he can. He feels the rumble of Buck’s laugh in his own chest, and almost wants to cry again at the realization that he’s going to be able to feel that laugh whenever he wants, have it memorized and tucked away in his mind for when the darkness is too loud.

He always knew Buck had enough light in him for both of them. Now he gets to prove himself right.

He pulls back a little more, taking in every feature of Buck’s happiness, fingers coming up to gently trace over his birthmark.

“Does this mean I get free tattoos for life?” he asks. Buck’s laugh is sharp and surprised, and they dissolve into giggles and kisses and touches like they’re teenagers again.

Eddie knows that it won’t always be this perfect — things will be hard, they’ll be tested again and again, and sometimes things will feel too dark for either of them to bear. But the light will always come back, they’ll grow stronger, blossoming in ways they never could on their own.

Eddie has been hiding in the shadows for too long. Buck is finally bringing him into the sunshine.

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #buddie fic #9-1-1 fic #9-1-1 fox #i'm sad it's over except SIKE i have a lot of little fics planned for this #i hope you guys like it!!#the flower shop #ficcery

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kelyon · 4 years

Text

Golden Cuffs Epilogue: The Future

Cover art by @paradigmparadoxical

Rumbelle Dark Castle BDSM AU

They talk about what’s coming next

Read on AO3

Snow piled up outside the uncurtained windows of the dining room, but Belle was warm on the couch by the fire. There was a pair of stuffed armchairs by the hearth now, instead of only one, and the long couch was positioned in between them. It was the warmest part of the room, where Belle liked to wait for Rumpelstiltskin to come home to her.

There was a new chair at the dining room table as well, just as grand as the carved oak that had always been there. Three times a day, Belle took her meals sitting at Rumple’s right hand. He presented her food to her on a tray, just as he had when she had been his thing. But now Belle always ate with a knife and a fork and a spoon--unless one of them thought it would be amusing for her to do something else.

Overall, the dining room was more crowded than it had been when Belle had first come to the castle. Not only had the number of chairs doubled, but new footstools and tables had appeared beside them. Rumpelstiltskin had even set up a spinning wheel in the corner, so he wouldn’t have to hide away in his tower when he needed to think. The armchairs were set up on either side of the fireplace, with the long couch between them. All three pieces bordered the lush carpet where she had first laid out for Rumpelstilskin to watch her pleasure herself.

Nowadays they attempted to act with more decorum outside of their bedroom. They didn’t always succeed. Though their relationship had progressed and matured over the months of their marriage, Belle and Rumple often found themselves defaulting to the first activity they had ever done together. Their appetites for each other had not waned. Belle was still amazed by how much she could have of her husband, and then how quickly she could begin to crave him again.

She treasured all the time they had together, to make up for the all times he had to leave her alone. He left the castle frequently, and often at odd hours. Sometimes he would be gone for only a moment, but more than once he had disappeared in the morning and then woken her when he joined her in their bed. Though Rumpelstiltskin rarely slept, he said he liked to be with her at night. He had told her he liked the stillness of their bedroom, that listening to her breathing was a calming force in the midst of all the tumult around them.

She knew his plans were progressing. He told her of the pieces he had set into place--some of them years and years ago--and how they had only just begun to move into the alignment that was necessary for his master plan to come to fruition. Belle understood the business that took him away from her, but she couldn’t help leaving her mark on him while he was hers.

During the evenings he spent at home, they had picked up the habit of sitting together in their stuffed chairs. They would converse or read aloud to each other, when no other amusement presented itself. Of course, the real game was in seeing how long they could stay in separate chairs, before he knelt at her feet or she sat in his lap or they simultaneously realized how much more comfortable it would be if they were both on the couch, where they could stretch out or curl up or put themselves in any number of positions.

The couch was Belle’s favorite addition to the castle’s furniture. She had a special fondness for anything that was big enough to share with her husband. It was all cloth and soft stuffing, with a design of blooming roses embroidered along the cushions. To her mind, it was much cozier than the leather armchairs, and it was a better reading spot than their bed. Especially on winter days like this, she was happy to spend hours wrapped up in blankets with a cup of tea and a good book.

Since Belle had come back to the castle, the population of books in the dining room had exploded. Though Rumpelstiltskin couldn’t enter the library, he was able to summon any volume that was needed. And because Belle had no desire to ever set foot in the library again, the books never made it back to their shelves. They stayed in the rooms where they had last been read, piled on tabletops or stacked on the floor. The castle was now delightfully cluttered with books. It was the home that Belle had always dreamed of.

On this snowy day, she was re-reading Jefferson’s wedding present to her, a book he had picked up in one of his other worlds. It claimed to be a history of two kingdoms called Florin and Guilder, and the marriage negotiations of one kingdom’s crown prince. There were pages and pages of very dry texts about the queens and princesses of these countries packing up excessively-detailed wardrobes and traveling to visit each other to arrange a suitable match. The first chapters were so dull, even to Belle, that she was half-tempted to put the book down and never pick it up again.

But Belle was never one to judge solely on first impressions.

The more she read it, the more entranced she grew by the creeping subplots. The book, it seemed, wasn’t really about the snobbish prince and the cold-blooded count and the war the prince was trying to start by sabotaging his weddings. The real heart of the story seemed to be about a farm girl of rare beauty and the farm boy who loved her but could never say it. And even when the farm girl was made into a princess and sent off to marry the prince and the farm boy was lost at sea and then became a famous pirate, it seemed inevitable that they would be together. No obstacle could stop their love, even death could only delay it a little.

It was nothing like her own love story, but she still deeply felt the truth of it.

The doors to the dining room flew open with crash and Rumpelstiltskin strode in. “Terrible news!” he announced grandly.

Belle looked up from her page. “Are you being dramatic? Or is something truly terrible?”

He spun on his heel, his long cloak flaring out behind his shoulders. Belle liked that cloak; it was the fur-trimmed one that he’d gotten in a deal from Prince Charming. It gave her Rumple such panache, such style. He tended to wear it when he was feeling playful. The cloak billowed out from behind him as he strode over to her place by the fire. He gripped the back of the couch like a clawing menace.

“Oh, this news is terrible indeed, my sweet! Fearsome and horrifying--news that will send all good people in paroxysms of dread!”

Smiling, Belle pointed her stockinged toes to indicate the section of the couch that was empty. She set her book down on a small table, next to her empty tea cup. “News that frightens good people usually delights evil ones,” she said.

Rumpelstiltskin grinned and jumped over the back of the couch. By the time he landed next to her, his cloak had disappeared. Safe in their home, he wore his comfortable clothes--a red woolen shirt and loose-cut gray leather trousers.

He took her hands and leaned over to kiss her lightly on the lips. “You’re right, my dearest Belle. All the forces of darkness are rejoicing on this terrible, happy day.”

“Do you want any of the blanket, Rumple? It’s chilly, even by the fire.”

Her husband sprang to his feet, still too animated to stay in one place. “I’ll get you more tea!” He scooped up her cup and took it over to the magic cupboard.

“Make some for yourself,” Belle ordered casually. “Then come and sit and tell me what’s going on.”

Though her back was to Rumple, she could hear him humming. His footfalls were light, almost dancing. That was how he moved when he was purposeful, happy. In the seven months since their wedding, Belle had come to recognize it as the sound of him willingly obeying her.

It had taken a little time, but she had gotten used to having power over him. Rumpelstiltskin could be like quicksilver, going in a thousand different directions at once. But when she gave an order, all of him collected together. He became focused, almost fixated on doing her will, on pleasing her. It was a heady thing. More and more, Belle understood how amazed he had always been at her obedience, when she had worn his golden cuffs.

She had learned to be careful with her phrasing, when to make something an order, or a request, or a simple observation. One night, after they had made love in their big bed, she had told him to stay as she had fallen asleep, and he had been unable to move until she woke up. He had laughed it off in the morning, saying that care was always the first price of magic. Mortified, Belle had resolved that she would consider her words from then on. Rumple was not going to pay the price for her slips.

“Here you are, sweetheart.” He came back to her with a cup and saucer in each hand.

The tea set was new too. It was a creamier ivory color than the white porcelain had been, and the shape of the cups was taller and sleeker. Rumple had offered to recreate the set that she had used to serve him with, but Belle had demurred. Now, the only remaining piece of that first tea set was the chipped cup. It held a place of honor on top of the magical cupboard and still functioned as a silent request for a game. Hardly a week passed without one of them offering it to the other.

Rumple had made her tea the way she liked it--black, with one spoonful of sugar. She took a sip before she set it on the table and adjusted the blanket that covered her lap.

“Delicious, my love,” she pronounced as he sat down. She put her feet in his lap and covered his legs with her blanket.

“Really?” he asked, his eyes wide, his smile hopeful.

Seven months of marriage and he still looked at her like she was too good to be true. Seeing him like this always touched Belle’s heart.

She put her hand on his knee. “Yes, my Rumple. You did very well.”

“Thank you,” he whispered. Then he shook his head. “But you wanted to know about my news.”

“I do, yes.” Now that she was settled, Belle picked up her tea. “What’s happened that’s so terrible?”

“You remember that girl who called for me about the cure for a broken heart?”

Belle hadn’t known about that meeting when it had happened, but Rumple had told her about it. During those terrible weeks when she was locked in the library, he had made a deal with a love-lorn princess.

“Snow White, of course. You gave her the same memory potion you threatened me with.” She poked playfully at his chest with her toes. It was all so long ago. She had forgiven him, and now she could tease him.

“It was not a threat.” Knowing her intentions, he took her bait with feigned aggravation. “It was a sincere gift! I truly thought you would have been better without me.”

“And you were truly wrong, my love. I knew that potion was a bad idea from the beginning. Losing the memories of a person you love will make you a different person--a worse person. And that’s why the princess and her dwarf friend came here and begged you to undo it.”

Smiling, Rumpelstiltskin took Belle’s hand and kissed it. “And that’s the last time I don’t listen to you, my Belle.”

“Good. Now, did something terrible happen to Snow White?”

“Oh, many terrible things. I’m sure her step-mother made sure of it.”

Belle knew perfectly well that Snow White’s step-mother was Regina. She could have told Rumple that he didn’t need to avoid saying her name. But there was also something sweet about the way he spared Belle from having to think about that woman. Though she had forgiven him for everything, there were still some things they couldn’t tease each other about.

“You told me that she was under a sleeping curse for a while, but her Prince Charming was able to break it.”

“Yes,” Rumpelstiltskin said softly. He held his teacup between his hands. “True Love’s Kiss can break any unwanted curse.”

Belle had often wondered about True Love’s Kiss. She kissed her husband a hundred times a day, surely at least one of those kisses would be born of true love. But she had never seen a magical reaction resulting from their love. When she had come into Rumple’s service, she had never thought that being the Dark One was itself a curse, though he had since told her more of the secret nature of his power. Perhaps that was why the curse on him had never broken from her love, because she couldn’t think of his darkness as unwanted. She knew it as a part of him, something both of them delighted in.

Besides, when she had the Dark One on his knees or bound to her bed or happily doing domestic chores, she couldn’t be so sure that a curse hadn’t been broken. He was honest with her now, and he loved her--that was all she had ever wanted to change about the man who was now her husband.

“So she woke up.” Belle continued the conversation. “What happened next?”

“Happily ever after, of course. The royal couple united their power and led a righteous crusade to purge evil from their lands. And they won! They got married this morning, certain that no darkness could ever befall them.”

“And yet we still have terrible news.”

“Yes,” Rumple sighed. “Yes, because even more than being good, Snow White and Prince Charming are nice. And nice people are not always smart. They should have known better than to leave their most powerful enemy alive.”

Belle tilted her head. “But you’re not their enemy, Rumple. You’ve been helping them every step of the way.”

He kissed her hand. “Don’t say it so loudly, my sweet. Someone might get the wrong idea about me. Besides I’ve never let them come close enough to even think of trying to kill me--not yet, anyway. No, Snow White’s real enemy is her oldest enemy, the one who has hated her since she was a child.”

“Regina.” Belle swallowed the name like a bitter draught. “What kind of person has that much hate for a child?”

“The kind of person who cannot admit who she really blames for all her misery.” Rumpelstiltskin sighed again. He let go of Belle’s hands and his claws balled into fists. “The kind of person who was taught again and again that power is the ability to cause pain.”

She felt the fury rising up in him, the guilt and self-hatred that could drown her husband if it was given free reign. He blamed himself for Regina, Belle knew. He blamed himself for what the queen had done to her, as well as every evil thing she had ever done or ever would do. After all, he had told Belle, he had been the one to teach Regina magic. He had been the one to encourage her bloodlust and set her on a trail of destruction that would eventually consume their entire world. Regina was a monster and he had made her that way--what did that make him?

“My love,” Belle reached out and took her husband by the wrist. “Take a breath,” she ordered. “Nice and deep for me.”

He obeyed her. His pulse raced under her fingers.

It did no good for Rumple to ruminate on the evils of the past. She hated seeing him in this kind of anguish. It was better to stop these storms before they could become full-blown tempests. And her husband always did what she said was good for him.

“Another.” She kept her tone even. He took another deep breath. She didn’t have to order him for the rest of them, didn’t have to order him to keep breathing until the worst of his demons had passed.

It was odd to think of Rumpelstiltskin being at the mercy of his own emotions. She was still used to thinking of him as being in control--and yes, that was the face that he presented to the world. But in private, with her, in the safety of their home, he was able to show her all the pain that he had carried inside him for centuries. Belle knew well what it was to feel weak against forces that overwhelmed her. Belle knew what it was to succumb to attacks of fear or sorrow. And she knew what a great help it could be to be told exactly what to do, moment by moment, breath by breath.

“Are you ready to keep talking, Rumple?”

He took another shaking breath, then nodded. “Yes, Belle.”

“What did Regina do?”

“The wedding was this morning,” he began. “Snow White and her Prince Charming said their vows and pledged their love until death did them part.”

“A fine and noble thing to do, don’t you think?” She squeezed his hand, trying to remind him of their wedding, their vows.

The smile he gave her was weak and hollow. If pleasant memories couldn’t help him, then he was truly shaken.

“As soon as they kissed,” he went on, “the Evil Queen burst through the doors. After a bit of posturing, she declared her intention to take away everything from everyone in this world.”

Belle’s breath caught in her throat. “Do you mean this is it? She’s finally going to cast your curse?” This was what Rumple had been working toward for so long. Regina was going to send them to the Land Without Magic. Rumple was going to see his son!

He rocked his head, nodding. “She’s going to try. She’s going to fail, at first, and she’s going to become desperate enough to ask me for help. And she made her announcement in front of the people who would most want to keep her from succeeding.” He rubbed his thumb over Belle’s wedding ring. “Very soon, a good many people are going to want to know how to force me to give them answers.”

Belle’s excitement that Rumple’s plan was finally coming to fruition quickly succumbed to the dread of everything she knew this plan would entail. They had formed this part of things together, hammering out details of moves and counter-moves that would get them both to where they needed to be as safely and smoothly as possible.

But the realization still made Belle’s heart sink like a lead weight. She pulled Rumple’s hand up to her chest. She suddenly needed to feel the warmth of him, the solid realness of the man she loved, who would love her no matter what separated them.

“How long, do you think, before the curse is cast?”

Rumple scooted closer to Belle on the couch. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders so that they lay on each other, both of them bearing the other’s weight, shouldering a shared burden.

“The queen doesn’t know it yet, but this curse cannot be cast before the one destined to break it has been born.”

“The savior,” Belle whispered. Absently, she stroked her Rumple’s hair.

“Yes,” he assured her. “Snow White and the Prince’s child, the product of true love, a person with light magic infused into every part of their being. They will be the one to fight the queen’s darkness--and destroy it.”

“But only after twenty-eight years.”

Rumple nodded and kissed her on the temple. “Twenty-eight years and nine months from now. That’s when the final battle will begin.”

“So you think the curse will be cast exactly nine months from now?”

“The royal couple only married this morning.” There was a trace of impishness in Rumpelstiltskin's voice. “If their child comes sooner than nine months, I will be quite scandalized!”

Belle snorted at his joke and her heart lightened. Seven months of marriage and it still amazed her how much better she felt when he was around her. There were still problems in the world and trials that they faced, but now they faced them together. When she was near Rumpelstiltskin, every sorrow she’d ever known could be dealt with, or talked about, or pleasantly ignored for a few hours.

But this.... This curse was the greatest calamity that had ever befallen them. Regina’s curse was the worst thing that had ever happened to anyone. It would be, quite literally, the end of the world.

“How long?” she whispered. Without her being aware of it their positions had shifted and now she was clinging to her husband. “How long do we have before the plan is set in motion?”

He held her close. Sometimes Rumple could take as much comfort from holding her as from being held himself.

“A few months,” he said grimly. “Perhaps we’ll be able to celebrate a year of marriage together, but I can’t promise it. The cinder-girl will be pregnant soon. When I come after her baby, that will give our heroes an excuse to finally put an end to my evil. I’ll let them capture me, let good and evil both think they’ve won--when in reality it’s us who are getting everything we want.”

“Except each other.” Lying on his chest, Belle stared into the fire as tears welled up in her eyes. “We’ll be separated for months. You’ll be locked in a cage, Rumple!”

“A cell, my sweet, not a cage.” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “That’s not such a miserable fate, is it? To sleep in a dungeon for a few turns of the moon?”

He was trying to assure her, and she tried to let him. “If you fall in love with any of your captors, I will be very put out.”

She felt the chuckle in his chest, and he kissed her on the temple. “Never, sweetheart.” He took her hands and held them in his own. The firelight glinted against their wedding rings. “And once the curse is cast, even living in a strange new world, our rings will still connect us to each other.”

Belle sat up to look her husband in the eye. “Do you think we’ll be together then?”

With their rings still touching, Rumpelstiltskin cradled Belle’s face in his other hand. His eyes were full of sorrow as he looked at her. “Together, yes,” he said, “and absolutely miserable.”

#Golden Cuffs #rumbelle #rumbelle fic #rumbelle fanfic #ouat #end of an era

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kyndaris · 3 years

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The Great Internet Debate

Since the tail end of 2020, many Australians were informed by Google of a political stoush between big news corporations and the tech company behind our favourite search engine. The open letter to end users read like a doomsday spiel – spelling out the encroaching disaster if a mandatory news code came into effect. The proposed legislation – the News Media Bargaining Code – was explained as a means of paying for news content when all that Google did was provide the necessary links for people to ‘choose’ what content they actively consumed. Google also advised that the News Media Bargaining Code would make it unfair for small businesses as larger media companies would be informed of algorithm changes ahead of time and be given data on users to maximise coverage.

A grim picture was painted. Why should big news media companies receive data and information about everyday users of a search engine? Why should their links be propped up higher than other smaller outlets?

At the start of 2021, after a Senate hearing, Google also warned that the proposed legislation might lead to the removal of Google Search in its entirety in Australia. Why? Because why should it pay to just provide a multitude of links based off whatever a person is searching for?

I know that as a writer, most of my searches aren’t news related. In fact, they’re mostly about things people wore in the 18th to 19th century. I ask the internet when doorknobs were invented or the nature of horse care. There was even one enquiry that might have put me on alert lists across the world: how long does it take for a body disposed in water to rise to the surface?

But that was important for a very singular scene in my story, all right! Murder happens in my stories! I just want to make sure that I’ve got all the facts right as well as the science!

What Google, and by extension Facebook, failed to address was the uneven distribution of ad revenue when it comes to large news media. With the advent of the internet, it’s become much harder for traditional newspapers and television stations to accrue the wealth they had.

The news media Bargaining Code however would force huge tech giants to negotiate with each individual news corporation and find a way to ensure a ‘fair’ means of distributing ad revenue by entering into commercial agreements or be subjected to arbitration. In this way, jobs could be kept and journalism could be regarded, once again, as the respected profession that it should be. So, to be honest, it does sound like a noble thing to do in order to support struggling companies.

As for my personal opinion? Well, I’ll be honest with you. I’m not entirely swayed by any one side. There are pros and cons to each.

My own experience with the search engine is indicative of this. The only time I’ve used Google to search for the news is when I’ve been too lazy to memorise the actual link for ABC News. Otherwise, it’s very easy to simply type into your browser: news.com.au or smh.com.au

Often, I feel that the one great problem with these news websites is their inability to modernise and to accommodate a generation that prefers immediacy. A lot of news websites, based off the newspapers that are still being published, have arbitrary gatekeeping with regards to the number of ‘free’ articles that can be viewed each month and an exorbitant subscription fee.

Let’s, for the sake of argument, use the Sydney Morning Herald as an example. Most of their articles on their main website have intriguing headlines and a small excerpt for what the article is about. One can easily get the gist of the content readily available simply by skimming over the content. There’s no mystery or anything too attention grabbing.

If one were curious and wished to learn more, they’d simply click open the article.

But this is where the Sydney Morning Herald falters a little.

Ad revenue, as most people know, is driven by clicks. The more clicks an end-user makes, the more money a company can make. Perhaps, it’s true, that news corporations could make a few more dollars by partnering with search engines to ensure that ads on their website are linked to whatever other websites that the end-user was previously poring over. After all, I’m not as interested in say a NAB home loan than a new game that’s come out.

Yet the crux of the matter comes from the very fact that the Sydney Morning Herald only allows five ‘free’ articles per month. In order to get around that, one needs to ‘subscribe.’ And the subscriptions aren’t very cheap. Particularly for the younger generation. $3.50 a week sounds nice, but if you add it all up, it can be quite significant. Annually, the Starter Digital is $160 per year.

Not a choice most people are willing to dip their toes in when they also have to pay for Netflix, Stan, Disney+ and a whole host of other things that catch their eye.

So, how does something like the Sydney Morning Herald make money when paper is all but dead? One thing they could implement is additional ads on their website and perhaps at the top and bottom of their articles. They could also stop hiding their articles behind paywalls. No student has the money to pay for it, particularly when they’re only using the website for a school project.

Lower your subscriptions and give more back to the consumer. Make it more appealing.

News.com.au might not have the cleanest reputation, but their headlines catch the eye. It might be click-baity as all hell, but in this day and age, it’s what helps it to survive.

It’s not a perfect solution, true, but it might give them a little bit more of a boost.

And instead of only relying on the written word, it might be prudent now to create more videos to elucidate the topics they want to explore. Particularly when it comes to news that most consumers want on a more instantaneous basis. These days, video streaming is the way to go. Three-minute or five-minute videos are pretty easily digestible. And a lot of it can be monetised. It might not be a huge amount of money, but every little thing counts.

Investigative journalism, on the other hand, would need to be well researched and thought out. You can have a written article and transcript or you could have a well-plotted fifteen-minute video. The dialogue needs to be snappy yet informative. News needs to learn how to target their audiences instead of catering only to the older generation.

As for recaps of movies or television shows? You can’t go wrong with James Weir and his commentary. I might not watch Married at First Sight or the Bachelor, but I’d almost definitely read his recap of the episodes because of his biting comments and snide observations.

APPEAL TO THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR!

Make your websites lively. Make them relevant. Grab the attention of millennials and Generation Z instead of pandering to baby boomers.

Beyond that, find ways to adapt in the current marketplace. So many YouTube creators have to constantly find ways to get around changes to the YouTube algorithm. They complain, sure, but in order to be fair, no one content creator should be told what the changes will be beforehand.

Above all else, negotiate in good faith. And stand your ground. Google and Facebook should not just threaten to remove their services from the good people of Australia just for few million dollars in ad revenue. But, there’s also no need to demand algorithms or have your links unfairly pushed to the top of Google Search and quashing smaller independent voices.

Even if Facebook were to take away the ability to share links, though, I’m sure people will still be able to make do. I know that I, for one, could very easily summarise an article that I’ve read. And if someone wanted links...well...I’m sure I could devise a method to provide an alternate solution to do so.

In any case, depending on how Google reacts, this humble blogger might have to think about investing in a VPN. Which, unfortunately, might see local Australian businesses suffer because the massive search engine I’m using would be defaulted to another country somewhere in the vast piece of rock we call home. Of course, in saying that, we do still have Bing. So, you know what? Everyone, it’s time to put Bing on the map and make it a serious contender against Google.

So, despite my limited understanding of the entire kerfuffle that’s been kicked up between Google and traditional news media, that is my two cents on the situation. Greed is not good. And don’t use a good honest people as hostages to the regulation of the wild west internet.

Edit: By the time this post goes up, Google has come to several agreements with major news corporations in Australia whilst Facebook has removed all news content for Australians. Which means no sharing of links to news websites for all of us down under.

Unfortunately, news wasn’t properly defined and so many other pages had their posts wiped, such as emergency services and a member of parliament. Here’s hoping that Facebook will also put a stop on conspiracy pages and anti-vaxxer propaganda.

Further edit: After a week of removing news content, Facebook has reversed its decision.

#personal blog #google vs news corps #time to get a VPN

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hellodarkwebbitcoin · 3 years

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How to Buy Bitcoin - Step One

The best way to learn about bitcoin, is to jump in and get a few in your "pocket" to get a feel for how they work.

Despite the hype about how difficult and dangerous it can be, getting bitcoins is a lot easier and safer than you might think. In a lot of ways, it is probably easier than opening an account at a traditional bank. And, given what has been happening in the banking system, it is probably safer too.

There are a few things to learn: getting and using a software wallet, learning how to send and receive money, learning how to buy bitcoin from a person or an exchange.

Preparation

Before getting started, you will need to get yourself a wallet. You can do this easily enough by registering with one of the exchanges which will host wallet for you. And, although I think you are going to want to have one or more exchange wallets eventually, you should start with one on your own computer both to get a better feel for bitcoin and because the exchanges are still experimental themselves. When we get to that stage of the discussion, I will be advising that you get in the habit of moving your money and coins off the exchanges or diversifying across exchanges to keep your money safe.

What is a wallet?

It is a way to store your bitcoins. Specifically, it is software that has been designed to store bitcoin. It can be run on your desktop computer, laptop, mobile device (except, as yet, Apple) and can also be made to store bitcoins on things like thumb drives. If you are concerned about being hacked, then that is a good option. Even the Winklevoss* twins, who have millions invested in bitcoin, put their investment on hard drives which they then put into a safety deposit box.

If you liked this posting and you would like to obtain more information concerning dark web bitcoinkindly check out our web site.

*The Winklevoss twins are the ones who originally had the idea for a social networking site that became Facebook. They hired Mark Zuckerberg who took their idea as his own and became immensely rich.

What do you need to know about having a bitcoin wallet on your computer?

Below you can download the original bitcoin wallet, or client, in Windows or Mac format. These are not just wallets, but are in fact part of the bitcoin network. They will receive, store, and send your bitcoins. You can create one or more addresses with a click (an address is a number that looks like this: 1LyFcQatbg4BvT9gGTz6VdqqHKpPn5QBuk). You will see a field where you can copy and paste a number like this from a person you want to send money to and off it will go directly into that person's wallet. You can even create a QR code which will let someone take a picture with an app on their phone and send you some bitcoin. It is perfectly safe to give these out - the address and QR code are both for my donations page. Feel free to donate!

NOTE: This type of wallet acts both as a wallet for you and as part of the bitcoin system. The reason bitcoin works is that every transaction is broadcast and recorded as a number across the entire system (meaning that every transaction is confirmed and made irreversible by the network itself). Any computer with the right software can be part of that system, checking and supporting the network. This wallet serves as your personal wallet and also as a support for that system. Therefore, be aware that it will take up 8-9 gigabytes of your computer's memory. After you install the wallet, it will take as much as a day for the wallet to sync with the network. This is normal, does not harm your computer, and makes the system as a whole more secure, so it's a good idea.

Bitcoin Qt

The original wallet.

This is a full-featured wallet: create multiple addresses to receive bitcoins, send bitcoins easily, track transactions, and back up your wallet.

Outside of the time it takes to sync, this is a very easy to use option.

Search for Bitcoin Qt wallet download to find their site.

Armory

Runs on top of Bitcoi Qt, so it has all of the same syncing requirements.

Armory allows you to back up, encrypt, and the ability to store your bitcoins off line.

Search for Bitcoin Armory Wallet to find their site.

If you don't want to have that much memory used or don't want to wait for your wallet to sync, there are good wallets that do not make you sync the entire history of bitcocin:

Multibit

A lightweight wallet that syncs quickly. This is very good for new users.

Search for Bitcoin Multibit Wallet to find their site.

Electum

In addition to being quick and light, this wallet allows you to recover lost data using a passcode.

Search for Bitcoin Electum Wallet to find their site.

After you get the wallet set up, take a few minutes clicking around. Things to look for:

o There will be a page that shows you how many bitcoins are currently in your wallet. Keep in mind that bitcoins can be broken up into smaller pieces, so you may see a decimal with a lot of zeros after it. (Interesting note, 0.00000001 is one Satoshi, named after the pseudonymous creator of bitcoin).

o There will be an area showing what your recent transactions are.

o There will be an area where you can create an address and a QR code (like the one I have above). You don't need the QR code if you don't want it, but if you run a business and you want to accept bitcoin, then all you'll need to do to accept payment is to show someone the QR code, let them take a picture of it, and they will be able to send you some money. You will also be able to create as many addresses as you like, so if you want to track where the money is coming from, you could have a separately labeled address from each one of your payees.

o There will be an area with a box for you to paste a code when you want to send money to someone or to yourself on an exchange or different wallet.

There will be other options and features, but to start out with, these are the items that you should know about.

Getting Your First Bitcoins

Now that you have a wallet, you will, of course, want to test them out.

The very first place to go is http://faucet.bitcoin.st/.

This is a website that gives out small amounts of bitcoin for the purpose of getting people used to using them. The original version of this was run by the lead developer of bitcoin, Gavin Andreson. That site has since closed and this site operates by sending out one or two advertisements a month. You agree to receive those messages by requesting the bitcoins. Copy and paste your new bitcoin address and enter a phone number to which you can receive an SMS. They send out an SMS to be sure that people are not continuously coming back for more since it costs nothing to create a bitcoin address. They will also send out once or twice a month advertisement to support their operation. The amount they send it trivial: 0.0015 BTC (or 1.5 mBTC). However, they process almost immediately and you can check to see that your address and wallet are working. It is also quite a feeling to get that portion of a bitcoin. (Non-disclaimer: I have no connection with this site and receive nothing if you use them. I simply think they are a good way to get your feet wet).

Congratulations! You have just entered the bitcoin economy.

To get your feet a little wetter, you can go panning for gold. There are a number of services and websites out there that will pay you in bitcoin to do things like go to certain websites, fill out online surveys, or watch sponsored videos. These are harmless, and you can earn a few extra bitcoins this way, but it is important to remember that these are businesses that get paid when people click on the links on their sites. They are essentially kicking back a portion of what they get paid to you. There is nothing illegal, or even immoral about this (you might like what you see and make a purchase!), but they are frequently flashy and may not be completely straightforward. All the ones that I have tried (particularly bitvisitor.com) have paid out as advertised. It is interesting to experiment with these, but even with the likely rise in the value of bitcoin, you won't become a millionaire doing this. So, unless you are an advertisement junkie, I would recommend you move on. If you would like to try, simply Google "free bitcoins" or something along those lines and you will find numerous sites.

Buying Bitcoin Hand-to-Hand

Finally, this is going to be the real test of bitcoin. Can people easily trade them back and forth? If this can't happen, then there can't really be a bitcoin economy because retailers won't be able to use it. If retailers can't use it, what earthly good is it? Fortunately, this is not really a problem. iPhone is a bit of a hold out, but many smartphones have apps (mobile wallets) that will read QR codes and allow you to send bitcoin to whomever you want. You can also display a QR code of your address, or even carry a card in your wallet with your QR code to let people send bitcoin to you. Depending on what kind of wallet you have, you can then check to see if the bitcoins have been received.

A couple of things to note:

When you set up your wallet, if you click around a bit, you will see an option to pay a fee to speed transactions. This money becomes available to a bitcoin miner as he/she/they process bitcoin information. The miners doing the work of creating blocks of information keeps the system up to date and secure. The fee is an incentive to the miner to be sure to include your information in the next information block and therefore "verify" it. In the short term, miners are making most of their money by mining new coins (check the section on What Are Bitcoins for more information about this). In the long term, as it gets harder to find new coins, and as the economy increases, the fees will be an incentive for miners to keep creating more blocks and keep the economy going. Your wallet should be set to pay 0 fees as a default, but if you want, you can add a fee to prioritize your transactions. You are under no obligation to pay a fee, and many organizations that process many small transactions (like the ones that pan for gold described above) produce enough fees to keep the miners happy.

In clicking around your wallet, on the transactions page or linked to specific transactions, you will see a note about confirmations. When you make a transaction, that information is sent out into the network and the network will send back a confirmation that there is no double entry for that bitcoin. It is smart to wait until you get several confirmations before walking away from someone who has paid you. It is actually not very easy to scam someone hand-to-hand like this, and it is not very cost-effective for the criminal, but it can be done.

Where can you buy bitcoin like this?

You may have a bitcoin Meetup in your area.

You can check out localbitcoins.com to find people near you who are interested in buying or selling.

Some are trying to start up local street exchanges across the world. These are called Buttonwoods after the first street exchange established on Wall Street in 1792 under a buttonwood tree. See if there is one, or start one, in your area.

See if you have any friends who would like to try bitcoins out. Actually, the more people who start using bitcoin, the larger and more successful it will be come. So please tell two friends!

Some people ask if it is possible to buy physical bitcoins. The answer to this is both a yes and a no. Bitcoin, by its very nature, is a digital currency and has no physical form. However, there are a couple of ways that you can practically hold a bitcoin in your hands:

Cascascius Coins: These are the brainchild of Mike Caldwell. He mints physical coins and then embeds the private keys for the bitcoins inside them. You can get the private key by peeling a hologram from the coin which will then clearly show that the coin has been tampered with. Mike has gone out of his way to ensure that he can be trusted. These are a good investment strategy as in the years to come it may be that these coins are huge collector's items.

Paper Wallets: A paper wallet just means that rather than keeping the information for your bitcoin stored in a digital wallet, you print the key information off along with a private key and keep it safe in a safe, in a drawer, or in your mattress (if you like). This is highly recommended and cost effective system for keeping your bitcoin safe. Keep in mind, though, that someone could steal them or if your house burns, they will go with the house and there will be no way to get them back. Really, no different than cash. Also, as with Casascius Coins, they will not really be good for spending until you put them back into the computer.

* There is software to make printing your paper wallets easier. bitcoinpaperwallet.com is one of the best and includes a good tutorial about how to use them.

* The bitcoins are not actually in the wallet, they are still on the web. In fact, the outside of the wallet will have a QR code that will allow you ship coins to the wallet any time you like.

* The sealed part of the wallet will have the private key without which you cannot access the coins. Therefore, only put as many coins on the wallet as you want to be inaccessible. You will not be able to whip this thing out and take out a few coins to buy a cup of coffee. Rather, think of it as a piggy bank. To get the money, you have to smash it. It is possible to take out smaller amounts, but at this point the security of the wallet is compromised and it would be easier for someone to steal the coins. Better to have them all in or out.

* People who use paper wallets are usually security conscious, and there are a number of ways for the nefarious in the world to hack your computer. Bitcoinpaperwallet.com gives a lot of good advice about how to print your wallets securely.

Some people have also asked about buying bitcoins on eBay. Yes, it is possible, but they will be far overpriced. So, selling on eBay might seem to be a better option given the extreme markup over market value you might see. But, as with anything that is too good to be true, this is too good to be true. As I will explain in the next section, selling bitcoin this way is just way too risky.

How Not to Buy Bitcoin

In the next section, I am going to explain a couple of key points about buying from Bitcoin Exchanges. Before I do, let me give you a warning.

A short history lesson: When people first started setting up actual business based on bitcoin, they used all of the tools available to any merchant. They sold by credit card and PayPal. The problem with this business model was quickly spotted: bitcoin transactions are not reversible by anyone except the recipient of the money. Credit cards and PayPal have strong buyer protection policies that make it relatively easy for people to request a chargeback. So, nefarious individuals realized this and began making purchases of bitcoin and then sooner or later requesting a chargeback. And, since bitcoin is a non-physical product, sent by new and poorly understood technological means, the sellers were not able to contest this. Because of this, sellers stopped accepting credit cards and PayPal.

This was a big problem for the currency: How to move money between buyers and seller? Some business emerged that would credit you with bitcoin if you wired them money. Very often these businesses would give addresses in Albania, Poland, or Russia. The fact is that many of these did work and there are a lot of stories on the forums of people who bought bitcoins this way. But it took a lot of time and in the meantime the buyer just had to bite his or her fingernails wondering if they would get their bitcoins or kiss their investment goodbye.

I expect that as bitcoin becomes more acceptable and valuable, we are going to see a version of the Nigerian Prince scam. So the warning is this: we now have exchanges and other businesses that allow for moving money easily onto and off of exchanges. Never wire money for bitcoin. It was a short-lived, and well-forgotten, moment in the history of bitcoin.

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dearlazerbunny · 5 years

Text

Lie to Me (Ch 1 of ?)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 2200

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

If I don’t post what I already have it’s never going to get finished soooo have some Loki. Hovering around 20k rn But I still have a looooot left to write. If anyone is interested in beta-ing/helping me flesh out ideas hit me up!

“You.” You look up with a very good impression of a deer caught in headlights. The woman beckoning to you is clearly high up in the SHIELD hierarchy; her suit probably costs more than your entire life is worth. “Are you free?”

You glance down at the coffee you were supposed to be delivering to your coworkers. That could probably wait. “Um, yes ma’am?”

“Come with me.” She starts off in a brisk walk down the corridor, her heels clicking sharply on the floor. You follow without question, trying not to tug on your uniform too harshly in an attempt to break it in a little better. You still aren’t used to the issued clothing, considering you’ve worn the default uniform of hoodies and jeans of a college academic most of your life.

She herds you into a bare bones room, just a table and a few chairs. You stand until she gestures for you to sit, not sure why she’s even glancing your way. You’re a lackey, nothing more. Certainly not worth the attention of Maria Hill.

The woman tosses a folder onto then table, and it impressively lands squarely in front of you. “I’m assuming you’re aware of recent events?”

You raise an eyebrow. “If you’re referring to Manhattan, then yes. It’s been a bit hellacious around here.” Like there wasn’t a person on earth who hadn’t seen the footage of monstrous black aliens pouring out of a glowing portal in the sky. Everyone has been scrambling to control the situation that is blatantly so far out of their control they might as well be fighting sci-fi aliens with Neanderthal tools. It’d be amusing if it wasn’t so terrifying. “Are you with the clean-up crew?”

“Sort of.” She gestures to the folder and you open it. Inside are crystal-clear photos of Earth’s newly minted heroes and a horde of special agents escorting a raven-haired man into a transport vehicle. “Look familiar?”

You release a small breath. Intellectually, you know this is the man- god- who just tried to make himself king of humanity and threatened the entire Earth to do it. But that doesn’t stop the wonder and amazement from washing over you. Loki, Norse god of mischief, real and in the flesh. In the background you can see the golden-haired Thor, swinging his mythical hammer. Well, not exactly mythical, is it? It’s real. They’re real. All the gods and realms and monsters and mayhem that have captivated you since childhood and ultimately lead to multiple degrees on the subjects- they’re real. It’s absolutely incredible. “Yes,” you say, probably a little more wondrously that you mean for it to be.

“We’ve got Loki in custody.” She says his name so nonchalantly, like she isn’t referring to a thousands of years old immortal demigod of the golden realm of Asgard. “And we have no idea what to do with him.”

“And this has to do with me somehow?”

“Yes and no.” She sighs heavily, like she needed to be done with this shit a decade ago. “SHIELD is treating the prisoner with kiddie gloves. Fury wants every single loophole filled and locked down three times over. So we can’t just throw him in a deep dark hole and forget about him- he needs to be afforded certain… rights.” The tone of her voice implies she doesn’t agree with this sentiment.

“Like what?”

“Like company, while we sort out all the red tape so we can prosecute him properly.”

“Company.” You’re completely lost. “He needs a babysitter?”

That makes a small smile flick across her lips. “If you want to call it that. We’re not happy about it, believe me. It’s an undeniable risk. But the lawyers are demanding it, and god knows we have to keep the lawyers happy.” A pinch appears between your eyebrows. You don’t like where this is going. “So. Will you do it?”

“Me?” You squeak, then immediately try to get yourself under control. “Why me? I was literally hired a month ago, I have no qualifications to do anything like this-”

She holds up a hand. “We know. That’s the point. All you need to do is sit in his cell for a few hours every day and pretend to look interested in whatever he’s rambling about. If he talks; he’s been completely silent since we picked him up. Take a book and a few snacks with you, don’t let him schmooze you into doing anything traitorous, and you’ll be fine. Plus,” she continued, “with your background we figured you’d be at least mildly interested.”

Damn. They’ve got you there. Several masters’ in mythology along with years of a childlike fascination means you’ve been ridiculously curious about Earth’s new visitors ever since Mjolnir landed in New Mexico. The spark in your eyes must have been obvious, because Agent Hill holds out a slender hand. “Have we got a deal?”

And so, not hours later, you find yourself wandering into the depths of SHIELD’s base. “Hi there.”

The room is depressingly stark and sterile- you thought you’d gotten used to being surrounded by the chrome and weird futuristic plastic that are apparently now the only two building materials left on Earth since starting at SHIELD, but this place takes it to a whole new level. And it’s newly constructed, based on the smell of drying concrete and fresh shavings peeling up around the screw holes in the corners. There’s a small, utilitarian metal desk and chair that’s been provided for you in the center of the room, so you drop your notepad and pencil onto the tabletop with a clang and pull out the chair. It screeches painfully against the floor, making you wince. Okay, no more of that. You suck in your stomach and slide in between the table and chair so neither have to move. A little tight, but you can make it work.

The other man in the room, framed behind a wall of glass, has not reacted to any of this.

He looks exactly how he did on TV, minus the leather armor and extravagant gold horned helmet. It’s all been replaced with the thin grey uniform SHIELD deems prison garb. You have to admit, he looks a lot less intimidating sitting pale and silent against the wall, handcuffs glowing faintly around his wrists.

“Um- can you hear me?”

Still no response. He doesn’t even seem to notice you’ve entered the room. Uuuuuuum, okay... There’s a microphone attached to the desk. You lean into it, frowning, fiddling with a few of the dials at the base. Then you tap on it and speak directly into the mic. “Can you hear me?” The man flinches wildly, a radical break in his composure, and his eyes dart to you angrily. “Oh, gosh, sorry, okay, let me-” you turn the dial down a few notches. “Better?”

The volume doesn’t seem to be at max level anymore- he doesn’t flinch again- but he also doesn’t say anything else. “I’m going to need verbal confirmation that you can hear me.”

He doesn’t look at you. He doesn’t seem to be looking at anything. His gaze is focused on some middling thing opposite of him, something invisible on the horizon, but he’s hardly glazed over- emerald eyes are bright and sharp, flickering lightly. They are not the eyes of a defeated man, far from it. More like one who has about fifteen thousand and twenty three plans all running through his head at once.

You suppose that should scare you, but SHIELD has reassured you that the cell is one of the most technologically advanced cells they’ve ever constructed. Also, those cuffs have some sort of magic-diffusing abilities, so no funny business there. Then again, he did basically destroy all of Manhattan, like, less than a week ago. You hadn’t even been in that part of the country at the time, SHIELD had called you in from D.C., but you can still feel the horror grip your chest in a vice watching skyscrapers fall to tatters on the news-

“Yes.”

His voice is so soft you almost don’t catch it. It pulls you from your thoughts nonetheless. “Oh. Okay, great.” You pull your pencil to you and neatly label the first page of your notepad with today’s date in the top corner. If you were going be stuck with him, you might as well take notes. Think of the papers you could publish! “Can you please, uh, state your name for the record?” That sounded professional, right? You’ve heard it on Law and Order a lot, anyways.

The prisoner raises one eyebrow slowly. “Really?” He draws out that one word into a three-second attack of sarcasm, but you simply shrug your shoulders.

“It’s protocol.”

“I am Loki Laufeyson, Prince of Asgard, God of Mischief and Lies.” With every title he spits from his mouth, his eyes flash dangerously.

“O-kay.” You jot that down on your notepad, giving it an underline for good measure. “And how would you like to be addressed?”

“Your highness.” He says it as easily as he might’ve said Bob or Ricky.

You blink. “Um. Not sure that’s within my pay grade, but we’ll see how it goes.”

“Where am I?”

“A very secure holding cell,” you answer confidently, and the god scowls at you. He’s apparently waiting for more information, but you shake your head- “that is literally all the information I’m allowed to give you about that.” You glance up at the camera tacked to the ceiling of the room. “Also, you’re being recorded at all times. Gotta tell you that for legalities sake.”

“SHIELD has always so been worried about legalities.”

That gets a small snort from you, and you tap the end of your pencil on your paper. “So-”

“Who are you, exactly?” He suddenly sounds very, very tired, and a little angry, like he’s already done humoring you. “And why are you bothering me?”

“Y/N.” You give him a little wave, since you obviously can’t shake his hand. “I’m a, well- archivist, of sorts. SHIELD brought me in to talk to you.”

“And you’re, what? Fury’s pet?”

“Hardly. I’ve been here less than a month. I don’t think this uniform has even been washed yet.”

Another eyebrow raise. “An interesting choice to interrogate their most wanted prisoner.”

You tap a little more frantically. “I think it’s so if you end up getting into my head, I won’t be able to give anything up,” you say thoughtfully. There’s a huff over the speakers you’re hearing him through. “Also, this isn’t an interrogation.”

“No?”

“Nope. I’m not really qualified for that.”

“Then what are you qualified for?”

“Jeg snakker norsk,” you offer, honestly wondering that question yourself. The look he gives you is a mixed amount of horrified and amused. “They thought it might be helpful speaking in a familiar language, I guess?”

“They do know I can speak literally hundreds of thousands of languages spanning any galaxy you care to name,” he says, apparently stunned by the new heights of SHIELD’s stupidity.

You sigh. “Yeah. I thought it was a stupid idea too.”

“This is laughable.” He’s on his feet now, close to the glass and staring you down threateningly. “Why have I not been removed to Asgard? They will presumably want to prosecute me for my crimes.”

“Um, I think they’re planning on it. But they want me to, um, talk to you first.”

“About what.”

“Well. Anything you want, really.”

“I have nothing to say to you mortals,” he spits, and the word splats on the ground like it’s a curse.

“That’s cool, I get that. But right now all the bureaucrats are running themselves in circles trying to figure out what to do with you, and all that red tape is going to take some time to untangle. In the meantime, they want to make sure you don’t go crazy from the solitude or something.”

“Since when has SHIELD cared about my well being?”

“I mean, you’ve still got rights and stuff. You can’t just sit here for who knows how long with only yourself for company.”

“And why not?”

“Wouldn’t you get lonely?”

“Forgive me, but I hardly think you are going to provide any sort of adequate mental stimulation.”

Geez, way to hit below the belt. “You can request someone else if you want. They pretty much just picked me out of a lineup and threw me on you, I don’t really think they care who sits here with you.”

“What would be the point? SHIELD only hires imbeciles and fools.”

“Well, then. I guess you’re stuck with me for a while.”

The man slumps back, apparently not encouraged by your words. Then he punches the wall with one of his restrained hands and screams angrily in clear frustration.

This is going to go so well.

A/N: Jeg snakker norsk = I speak Norwegian

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drlauralwalsh · 4 years

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The Lusty World of Lesbian Widows

I’m really frustrated that COVID has gotten in the way of my grief achievements. I figured 3 months in, I’d be doing the television talk show circuit, sold my book, and set up a non-profit foundation. If only this pandemic hadn’t gotten in my way.

In my life before, if I spent too much time alone (like, over 4 hours), I’d start texting my sister-in-law that I was unsupervised and feral. Uh oh. I’d start going down rabbit holes and come up with weird stuff like how buff male kangaroos get. Or questioning if my parents were really married since I couldn’t find a record of their union in the limited online databases. I could have paid for real records but I’m cheap. I know, sounds crazy.

But now, I’m alone for long stretches of time. I’ve managed to channel some of this agitated energy into writing essays that speak to weirdos like me (shout out to my fellow weirdos!). I spend hours researching (me-searching as we said in grad school) and discovering overachieving methods to dam the waters of my new spouse-less life.

I’m not just your average widow. Oh no no no. Of course, I have to be special so allow me to tack on some extra layers - lesbian, stepmom, and young (-ish, right?). At 45, I have finally found a way to inch back towards the youth and relevance lost as you enter the fourth decade of life. Today, I’d like to let you into the wonders of lesbianism.

I’m going to assume you’re not submerged in this subculture so I’ll tell you some secrets. People are fascinated by lesbians. To be fair, we live pretty mysterious lives. We leave you hanging on profound questions like who takes out the trash and how do they have sex without a woody woodpecker? Sometimes, other communities get lumped in with us but they are actually quite different. Of these witches, spinsters, and women who wear comfortable shoes, I only belong to only one of those so far. I’m working on my stovetop skills and hope to someday conjure a penis. Not a real one; that would be weird.

Amazon’s book market best represents the variable interests of our fan club members. Right after my wife died, I launched a search for books on “lesbian widows.” You’d think the algorithms would have pegged me by now (ha ha). I was dismayed yet amused by the grand interpretation of what Amazon thought I meant. The following is an unedited list of the top books recommended for me to purchase under these auspicious terms:

Lesbian Widows: Invisible Grief

by Victoria Whipple (Kindle $25.98, Paperback $46.95, Hardcover $907.71)

I’m impressed that the first one actually included my search terms but dang, it’s expensive to be a lesbian widow. To be fair, you can rent it for $9.21 a month. It’s also terribly niche within an already small niche - invisible lesbian widows? Published in 2014, you’d think it would be a little more hip. Maybe it’s because I live in Chicago but even as an introvert, I’m decently visible. Still, glad it exists and appeals to all eight people who each gave it a 5-star rating.

The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows: Feminine Pursuits

by Olivia Waite (Kindle $3.99, Paperback $6.99)

I must quote the basic plot description for you to get the full impact of this novel: “The last thing the widow wants is to be the victim of a thousand bees. But when a beautiful beekeeper arrives to take care of the pests, Agatha may be in danger of being stung by something far more dangerous…” The cover depicts said wapish widow sit/leaning against her handsome, pants suit-clad beekeeper. At the much less expensive price for kindle and paperback, I’m only slightly put off by labeling bees as pests.

Odd women?: Spinsters, lesbians and widows in British women's fiction, 1850s–1930s

by Emma Liggins (Kindle $73.24, Hardcover $95.00)

The period is a little off but at least it includes diverse, international women. I was looking for a self help book but this seems slightly more academic. Not sure why there’s a question mark in the title as there’s no question about our oddity. The description reads, “Women outside heterosexual marriage in this period were seen as abnormal, superfluous, incomplete and threatening, yet were also hailed as ‘women of the future’.” Aw shucks, I *am* ahead of my time. Dang that price tag! No renting option for this one.

The Grass Widow

by Nanci Little (Kindle $0.00, Paperback $14.95)

It’s unclear where we’ll find the lesbian widow in this 2010 novel but the description yields some mild foreshadowing: “As a familiar civilization fades into the distance, she is nineteen, unmarried and pregnant, and has no reason to think that the year 1876 won't be her last...Joss, in her brother's clothes and severely lacking in social graces, has no time to mollycoddle a pampered, pregnant New England lady. It's work or starve, literally. There are no servants, no laborers - just a failing farm, impending winter and the two of them to face it together.” It sounds like the shameless Joss needs her own dose of mollycoddling (wink, wink) to get through the chilly nights.

Her Widow

by Joan Alden (Paperback $18.00)

More popular with 10 people giving it an almost stellar rating, this tomb’s immodest summary insists it belongs on every bookshelf. YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION TO US! That’s how I read it. Seriously, of all the books this one comes the closest to what I actually wanted. Waiting for the kindle unlimited edition….(having no man money makes us frugal).

Made For You 3

by K. Shantel (Kindle $4.99)

Apparently, Made For You 1 and 2 were not as popular. Despite the fair price, this tale omits widows opting for the groundbreaking combination of lesbian romance and football. While tragedy surely threads through this plot, it falls short of crossing the threshold from football to death (it probably does). Shocker, I defy the sporty lesbian trope and instead prefer to spend time among my vast, treasured collection of power tools. Just to be clear, I mean the ones for home repair (get your mind out of the gutter!) If the lady protagonists of this book had been thrown together building a Habitat for Humanity house with their 10 dogs using only their Subaru to transport lumber, I might be more captivated.

The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics, Book 1 of 1: Feminine Pursuits Series

by Olivia Waite (Kindle $3.99, Paperback $6.99)

I’ll give the author the benefit of believing there are more to come in the series. The title of this one intrigues me (I may steal it later) but sadly, it also defaults to worn stereotypes. This collection of lesbian tropes finds my kin scoring yet another toaster for the conversion of a hapless straight lady. Lesbians for the win! Lady Reads-A-Lot gave it 5 stars and commented, “This was poetic and lovely, full of beautiful descriptions that knew exactly how to leave you breathless and then stop just before tipping into tedious.” I’m guessing she means the sex scenes? If you’ve ever watched any real lesbian porn, you know that it’s far better for the participants than the viewers.

Erotica: The Forbidden Adventures Of A Grieving Widow (Seduction, Lust, Lesbian Sex, Interracial Sex, Bondage and More)

by Amy King (Kindle $0.00)

This one is hands down, my favorite title and you can’t beat the price. The author keeps the marketing short to sell you her novel: “All Ava wanted was to erase the memory of her recently departed husband. Little did she know that in trying to do so, she would experience mind-blowing adventures and lust across the globe. Ava would never be the same again as she ravenously eats up whatever adventure blows her way.” Even though it’s another toaster novel, as a grieving widow ‘ravenously eats up’ does resonate. I don’t think she means jars of cookie butter.

Of the eight masterpieces on the list, five are romance novels, one is academic, and two are in the ballpark (excuse the sports metaphor). Scrolling further only yields more erotica including another novel titled, “Football Widows (lesbian)” by Amanda Mann and Deadlier Than the Male Publications. Now I get it that we make up a small percentage of the population but this is some seriously messed up shit.

Removing the lesbian and searching only for ‘widow’ yields twenty pages of books. I know what you’re thinking - “C’mon Laura, what’s the big deal? Just get the standard widow book.” And believe me, I’ve amassed quite the collection and am waiting for just the right intersection of not too devastated but ready to sob. Bear with me for a sec - think about how we just want to be seen when we’re at our lowest. When I first typed those words into the search bar, I just wanted something that used wife instead of husband.

Every grief has specific salient elements and it’s too super niche to touch on all at the same time. It would be weird and/or maybe nice to find another lesbian widow stepmom psychologist who lost her cop wife of almost 5 years to a PTSD-induced psychotic break and suicide. That’s a Subaru full of identities. If this person did exist, I’d be suspicious we’re the target on Incel trolls, longing to read the words of more seductive, witchy lesbians. Instead, I plan on taking the high road. I’ll get my knowledge and support from those who accept me by the category. Obviously, one out of one lezzies agree there’s a market for lesbian widow self help guides - at the right price. I may still write that book but if I want to get rich, I’ll definitely have to add more sex scenes.

#lesbian #widow #amazon #books #humor

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pkgam · 4 years

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What Happened to Twitch?

Twitch used to be a pretty good website. I had really high hopes that it would be a competitor to Youtube. It is a live stream platform that was ahead of Youtube as Youtube took a while to do live stuff. It has videos as well such as of past streams or people streaming videos they made for viewing later, viewer interaction features, solid streamers, no audible magic, good mods/staff, etc... Now the issues with the site are virtually endless. Let me give you a rundown of various things I have experienced and I have heard others experiencing which you may or may not have experienced because it’s as if that issues are not even account-specific.

Lately when logging in, every time, they prompt be to get a 6-digit code from my Email to continue to login because they “don’t recognize” my device. Yeah, you know how on every other website that has verification things like this, it’ll keep track of what devices you logged in from so you don’t have to keep verifying? No matter what, it doesn’t do that for me and a bunch of others. It seems to work fine for others though. So it’s user-specific. I have even tried logging in from one PC, then logging into another off the same internet while STILL being logged in to that PC and it’ll ask me to verify on both. It should at least be able to tell it’s from the same IP, but nope.

Try reporting the glitches and problems to Twitch as well. You’ll get nowhere. A recent experience I had with them was I tried to resolve that 6-digit verification thing for months. I explain it, get what looks like a generic copy/paste or automated response that does not address the issue, I respond back saying that wasn’t it and explain it again, then get NO response back, but do get a response back with a survey on how they did. Needless to say I was not satisfied and explained it in a civil way. No response back from them for that either. They used to handle stuff like that so well way back. Like, I remember when The Speed Gamers migrated from Ustream back to Twitch that they were having layout trouble during one of their charity streams in that what they wanted to incorporate on their page couldn’t be done, so they messaged Twitch staff about it and they tweaked the page so they could. Stuff like that was amazing! I don’t see things like that happen anymore.

When finally being able to log in, I’ve noticed that oftentimes my status is set to “offline” when I always have it set to “online”. Alternately I have seen friend’s statuses going to idle despite them being active on the site. So that status part of the site is entirely borked. Moving on to other topics...

I think users knew when they implemented Audible Magic (basically Content ID for Twitch, automatically hitting videos) and played it off as a benefit to streamers so they can remove copyrighted music in their videos that it was going to go downhill. Remember that a lot of people went from Youtube to Twitch (Or Justin.tv) BECAUSE they were tired of Youtube’s horrible automated systems. Add automation in the mix and, well... it indeed went downhill.

Twitch is clearly inconsistent in their moderation now too. There was this one girl who frustratedly threw her cat behind her on stream and nothing came of it. But on the other hand, there was a girl who got banned for apparent dog yelps off camera with her being there, stating the ban was for animal abuse. Story: https://www.dexerto.com/entertainment/twitch-streamer-furious-over-animal-abuse-ban-amid-alinity-controversy-1296710 Many’ more examples like that out there on various topics.

Also, ever since they implemented automatic moderation of words in chat, there has been a ridiculous amount of people punished for innocent things (you can briefly read what they post before it gets removed from view or use a browser extension to reveal them) because it can’t tell context. At least streamers can turn that off, but it was set to on by default which caused a lot of issues. Still’ does when people have it on as not everyone turned it off.

Streams have been getting very bad audio glitches for me in that they will get more and more distorted until I pause then play the stream. On top of that, the chat will stop scrolling with new messages at times, forcing me to scroll it down manually. With both of these, it’s like having to maintain two fronts while trying to interact. Not fun.

Speaking of trying to interact, ever since they implemented that stream delay of like 20 seconds to cheap on the servers, it has not been the same anyway. They eventually implemented a “low latency” thing which yields faster delivery at the cost of possibly buffering a lot, but it’s still longer than the 2-3 seconds it used to be. Just imagine trying to converse with someone face to face and they respond 20 seconds later first. It’s the most awkward thing to keep track of. (Smashcast doesn’t have that. Just’ saying...) It can be even worse if the stream player itself gets an error and you have to refresh, which does happen fairly often. Making you possibly miss the point the streamer talked to you. Trying to sort it out then just stalls the whole thing because they have to readdress you if you mention it to them which backlogs them responding to others and etc...

For the videos on demand (VOD) themselves, playback is often glitchy as errors happen midway through, they don’t play at all and seeking to a certain part is often very difficult as it doesn’t go where you click. Heck, I heard from others that sometimes you can’t even PAUSE a VOD as that functionality is glitched out. But pausing works fine for me. Why is that? Who knows.

Live streams aren’t much better as they have their own issues. I often get errors and have to refresh the page to get it to run again. Even when not getting an error, I noticed that I’m served a slightly-slower stream than others seem to get. So I have to pause then unpause the video every so often to get it to jump back ahead to the closest point I can see. Part of me wonders if the error and slightly slower stream are related, but don’t hold me to that. I have a good internet connection too.

Twitch streams also get deleted nowadays unless set up to into highlights. Given that many weren’t aware this happened before it was too late (you only had 14 days to save them if not a turbo/prime member and 60 if you are), a TON of content got lost. People argued that it’s to save money because of the hosting costs of video data being large. So rather than streams just being automatically turned into highlights as a precautionary measure, they just let them get wiped because they didn’t care. I’m not entirely sure about that “because” you can save streams to highlights as mentioned. So it’s just going to fill back up again since people now know of it, if not already has filled back up.

Twitch also got rid of PMs so past conversations you might have wanted to look back on or had to catch up on as a backlog were lost. You can do the same sort of thing in whispers if a person allows it in their settings, but what’s the point of getting rid of PMs?... Text is text regardless of where it’s located. This was one of those sorts of changes that I can’t figure out. I “thought” maybe they wanted to unify a private place to talk since both existed at once time, but why not just move the conversation to the other or not have both at the same time to begin with?

Another thing they get rid of for no reason is email notifications to streams you follow. They “say” if you don’t watch a stream for a while they’ll turn off email alerts to it. Which makes sense to not fill up someone’s inbox. Imagine for instance they stream 30 days straight and you don’t go to any of them as sort of a break. That’s 30 emails that are useless to you. Except it doesn’t work. Even streams I watched regular like Bob Ross got email alerts disabled. You can tell that they keep track of when you click an Email link to someone’s stream too because in the URL you’ll notice it recognizes you came from the Email. So there’s no excuse. Oh and there’s no way to toggle that automated disabling of alerts to off as far as I’m aware. So you just have to deal with it. At least they do seem to be consistent about telling you when it does turn off email alerts, but get ready to enter that 6-digit login code just to fix the alerts regardless if the person is streaming or not.

After the Amazon buyout, eventually they started pushing Twitch Prime as well, basically another paid subscription thing like Turbo, only with Amazon benefits added on it. But all the things they push as “prime loot” are complete garbage. Stuff like Raid: Shadow Legends which is hardly a “game”. What made them even think a community of gamers would be into that? Well, maybe they did realize that, but did it anyway as a business partnership for the moolah.

I get the feeling that business partnerships are what’s going on with all the Valorant stuff popping up as well. Only with streamers being able to take advantage of it. For example: People found out to try the game, they need to watch any Valorant stream with drops enabled for a for 2 hours. That lead to people going to streams just for that invite. Many people. Artificial-inflation amounts of people that encourage people to stream it for said numbers and Twitch recommending channels playing it like mad to people, lol! So yeah, I’d be very surprised if it wasn’t a business partnership.

You can find many more examples out there of people may or may not having a bug for things, but this should be enough to explain that Twitch is a complete mess. Every single aspect of it. It’s in a state like Youtube where everything is broke and they are ignoring users who message them telling about bugs (which they claim they encourage people to do and they listen to) or maybe are just unwilling to fix any of them even if they know about them. Who knows because they don’t communicate like they used to.

Your thoughts?

Thanks for reading and have a good one!

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thelifelessone · 4 years

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That Funny Story

There's this school of mine. Currently existing in my blurred memories. I used to study there. Actually it wasn't study though;) It was one hell of a ride boy. Every day. Every class. Every minute. Me, just out there enjoying every fucking second of my existence. You don't even think about the moments until all of these comes to an end and you stand there stranded. Perhaps even crying.

'Sarvodaya'. Your uday is almost certain in a school with such a name. It was a co-ed school. But only for the sake of it. Otherwise all of us boys have had this hidden prejudice towards the other gender. Like if you talk with any girl then it was considered something like a sin. You can even call it male ego if you want. But hey! we were all just bunch of kids then. So, the situation was so bad that we guys wouldn't even ask for our pens if it went over to the side where 'they' used to sit. Our territories were marked with an invisible chalk. Haha..you may laugh or think of it as a truly childish behavior but it was what it was. You'd better understand if you knew the conventional surroundings at that time.

We didn't know the concept of boyfriend/ girlfriend. Not even that a boy and a girl can be friends as well. And I'm talking about the time when I was in 7th and 8th standard. Well, even then I was the 'reading type'. I used to read all our literary books and any other material that I could get my hands on. An exceptionally ordinary teenager dreaming about all the filmy type romance eh!. Not a very novel story. Well, That's me bruh..what can I say..😅 It was during the 9th standard. Pretty much every 'only boys' friend groups of ours had this tendency to make fun of each other by imagining them in relationship with random girl from their class. Words like 'bhabhi' were common at the time. Pretty common even today, right? Some things just stays the same for eternity. There's always this one girl in every standard who's a notch above everybody else. Even we had that diva in our class and by default I and every other friend of mine outright rejected the idea of me and her ever being together. Then there was this second girl who happened to be the best friend of that diva. Them, Those stupid friends of mine had mindset of Gulshan from 'Hunter'. Always go for the second best. I wonder where the writers got the idea from. Chill, I won't sue them for copyright;). So, yeah my friends, They used to tease me with her name everytime they got a chance. Whether it's her name being spoken aloud during attendance by teacher or when she entered the class. Every fucking time. Those fuckers never missed a chance. Than the placebo effect happened. Even I started to think like those bastards and felt like having a special connect with her. Well, when you're of that age you also feel that spark in your eyes and few butterflies flying in your stomach when you see someone. More or less, it was happening .

So, for the first time in the history of our school, out of blue we decided to do something about this dillema. To move ahead. It was consensually decided to propose her on valentine's day as it was just a month n half away. We planned to give her a love letter. Being a young school boy reading about all this love stories, this was the only possible and sensible solution for me and the gang as I was way too shy to go and talk with her in person. We started writing. It took us a month or so to finally finish that letter after 6th draft. That too in english, a very proud thing to do for me. Then we decorated it with designs. Those designs were from a personal collection of one of my best friends. Thus we made this beautiful four page letter - three pages of "artistic" designs and one of content!. Maybe this was the moment I knew that even writing content for living would work for me.

The big day arrived. We used to go in the same tution classes but were in different batches. We were in respective batches. So, between this two classes, we used to have had a buffer time of five minutes. This was the perfect opportunity to act upon and deliver that letter. So, that day her class got over and she was going back on her pink ladybird (with a basket in front) with four of her friends. I followed her on my friend's bike and just drop that letter of mine in her basket out of blue. She was startled and with confusion in her eyes she asked "what's this?". testosterone was flowing through me like crazy and on the peak of my hormones, I replied, "everything is mentioned in the letter itself. Read it." Mike drop and then left.

Now that period started. The period of waiting. When nights are longer than days and vise versa. So, during that time, our gang was kinda wanted gang in the school so, the principal himself instructed us to not be present even in the school compound during the recess. I used to sent a spy of mine to observe the happenings of classroom because all the girls used to stay in the classroom only. That spy came with a report that the group of around 8-10 girls were sitting in a circle and among them, the scholar of our class is deciphering your letter. I was like bouy, this is not a very bright sign. I sighed and waited. Waited for a few more days and exactly after a week, when we all were playing in ground, our peon came and exactly at that moment I knew that chacha were coming for me only. I was totally like 'chalo bulava aaya hai' and went with him like a badass. We passed by the principal's cabin and and questions started bubbling up in my mind about what our actual destination would be. He showed me the gate of trustee's office. I went in and stood there. Completely frozen. The trustee of our school was sitting there in his usual chair. In front of him was my dad, sitting in one chair and next to him was the girl's grandpa. With a xerox copy of my letter (..why xerox copy man? Should've brought the original one for the sake of creativity.) and then the verbal despoilment started. On top of that, her grandpa used to work in the police commissioner office. That oldie literally ripped me apart that day. It lasted for whole 45 minutes and then I went back to class. Even after school, I was not ready to go home. I was literally shivering. That path, that daily route of mine felt very different and scary that day. Haven felt even scarier. Finally, I reached home. Ate my lunch. Then had few slaps from you know who.

This whole story spread like a wildfire through out school. Our very first attempt at this tender thing called relationship and love had gone horribly and miserably wrong. After that incident, The boards came. The 10th. During that whole year, I wrote six love letters for my friends. (maybe this is how the journey started.) and guess what? All of them were accepted and those guys experienced the sweet taste of love. Well well well, I concluded that in my case, maybe the fault was not in our stars but the planning and execution. My content was great, though. Chuckles!

Well, don't we all have that one little corner in our hearts where we store such stories. Where we bury all the fun moments of our school life, The stories of our Herculean adventures, all the laughters and cries, so that we can dig them up and revisit those beautiful and precious memories whenever we feel down. Maybe this is precisely why I just love the movie '96' so much.

As they say, the story of love, it never gets old.

#school #love #story #letter #teenage love #adolesence #life #meaning

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yuliares · 5 years

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Johnlockary - Flowers for Valentines

@scribuary prompt #5 is flowers and their meanings, so I wrote this little scene with John, Mary, and Sherlock! It’s a bit of my personal headcanon, where John and Mary move in downstairs after Mrs. Hudson retires, and Sherlock and John continue their slow exploration of ~feelings~ for each other.

From the living room, Sherlock’s ears tracked John’s footsteps as he came in off the street, strode past the stairs - bounce in his step, good mood - and entered the first-floor flat for a few minutes, before clattering up the stairs. Sherlock, by the window, and Mary, knitting in John’s chair, both turn towards him.

“Happy Valentines Day, love,” John said, presenting Mary with a bouquet roses - red, symbol of romantic love, almost certainly a traditional dozen - with a flourish.

“Oh John,” said Mary, beaming up at him. “They’re beautiful!”

Sherlock let his eyes slide away as they kissed. His catalog of ticket stubs was due for an update. He’d have to go out, collect some samples.

“I’ll go put these in some water,” he heard Mary say, and then she was moving towards the kitchen.

“And, well,” John turned and held a hand out to Sherlock. “For you.”

This was… unexpected. Sherlock put out his palm, and received... a very small, purple flower.

Sherlock stared at it.

“They were on sale,” John said, shifting his weight.

“John!” cried Mary, roses now bursting from Sherlock’s largest erlenmeyer flask.

“Of course not,” Sherlock said, quite in agreement with her tone. “No flowers are on sale this day, of all days. Even a very small one - consumerism at its best. Did you steal it?”

John laughed.

“No! No, I did not - I didn’t buy them today. I bought them months ago, as a plant. Been growing in a pot on the windowsill. They actually… they’d been with Mrs. Hudson, she got more light in her window. Our window, now.”

Sherlock held it up, level with his eyes. Five lobed petals on a slender stalk, 2.5cm in diameter, no specialty garden stores along John’s commute, so fairly common houseplant. “African violets.”

“Yes.”

Sherlock frowned. This felt important. Why would John hand him a flower?

John shifted his weight. “I was… going to plant them. By your grave.”

Sentiment. “Why?”

“As a symbol. To help me… move on. But I chose the wrong flower for that.”

“Violets…” murmured Sherlock. “They symbolize.... loyalty. Devotion.” The small flower in his hand felt soft. Delicate.

He hadn’t thought John was delicate, when he’d… left. Good, sturdy John, always dependable, always ordinary. The punch he'd thrown when Sherlock revealed himself had felt like the weight of the world, crashing him back down into solid earth.

Strong, but not immune to hurt, his conductor of light.

Sherlock studied John’s face, now a bit flushed. Embarrassment.

John shifted his weight again. “I...didn’t think you’d keep that sort of information. Flower meanings. You can see why it didn’t exactly help me getting over… well.”

He cleared his throat. “Not the right climate for them anyways, out of doors.”

Sherlock lightly twirled the flower in his finger, unsure how to respond. His default off-hand sarcasm would have to do. “And what am I supposed to do with this? Shall I press it dry between two pages of my diary and then encase it in a locket to clutch at my next funeral?”

“I think it’d look quite lovely in your hair,” Mary suggested, with a little smile. She’d returned to her knitting. “Purple’s a very fetching color for you.”

Sherlock tucked it behind his ear, and John smiled.

“Thank you, John,” said Sherlock. “It’s beautiful.”

#writing prompt #drabble #johnlock #maryiscool #asexual sherlock #flowers #valentines #scribuary #fanfic #itsallmovingtowardsromance

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lulu-tan79 · 6 years

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You mentioned to me that it is often the books you don’t want to write, or are afraid of writing, that are the books you have to write. What was it about this idea in Grace that you were so resistant to in the beginning, and what was the moment or idea that finally made you surrender to it?

I spend months, sometimes years, in complete denial, trying hard not to write the novel I end up writing. My stories and themes are not consciously chosen and are often to do with problems I’d rather not address. Joseph Campbell has a wonderful line: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” You have to slay the inner dragon, and with Grace, of course, I had to face the Irish famine. I mean, why go there? The book has an epigram from Dante and for good reason: “Who, without death, dares walk into the kingdom of the dead?” And yet, I found myself with a powerful feeling for a character – a 14-year-old girl who became Grace.

When I wrote those first few pages, I realised to my surprise she was the daughter of Coll Coyle, from my first novel, Red Sky in Morning, and that her story would take place during the famine. So I resisted for a while until I gave in. What I was finally willing to face were the very reasons I did not want to write about the famine. Like many of us, I had a negative self-image of the Irish during this period. We are happy to deal with the famine in the academic abstract, but the lab work of the novelist is to measure what is in a human being, to measure human experience. Why are there such deep feelings of shame, anger and denial in the Irish psyche? I felt that no novel had yet opened this problem down to the bone.

I am really interested in how the initial seed germinates. With regards to the language, to say it is melodic and poetic would be to sell it woefully short. There are times when the emotion of the thought was so powerful it bowled me over, and I would read and reread phrases just to wallow in where the image brought me.

At what point does this language and its rhythms come to you? Do you feel this is an evolution of your previous novels or does each one emerge with its own unique melody?

Every book teaches you how to write it, and I spend months on those first few pages, teasing out its song and its rhythms. Virginia Woolf once said that style is rhythm and I believe that to be true. With Grace, I found her to be such a spirited character, that though the book is written in the third person, the writing sits very close to her so that it is coloured by her feelings, her moods, her intensity.

Was there any trepidation about making your main character a 14-year-old girl?

Every character makes you nervous. And Grace is such a quiveringly sensitive character I really had to take my time with her. She is so intuitive and self-conscious and feels everything deeply. She is also a touch melodramatic. And yet, during the writing, she spoke so very clearly. I just had to listen. My wife is my first reader, and after she read it, she said, “You got her perfectly, but how did you do that without asking me any questions about what it was like to be a teenage girl?” The truth is, I don’t know, I just went with it, though I might say that the job of the novelist is to make things up!

One of the most deftly woven aspects of Grace is that while she endures the most unspeakable horrors to survive, she cannot halt her growth into womanhood and all the physical and emotional changes that brings. How difficult was it to intertwine these two threads?

It’s really about the weave. We all believe our lives have meaning, and yet the world is vast, silent and indifferent. There is a tug of war in my writing between this belief in the individual and what I think of as absolute reality. And in Grace that presents an opportunity for humour and irony. Here she is, trying to survive within a collapsing, starving society, and at the same time, her body is entering its womanhood, with its attendant trials and embarrassments. If that weren’t problem enough, her brother is whispering in her ear, mocking her for her shame.

Colly is such a delightful, vital character and so essential to the narrative. Did you always know he would leave the story when he did, or do characters sometimes surprise you with their path?

Everything about Colly was a surprise. I had no idea who he was, until he came storming into the narrative when Grace was having her hair shorn. I had no idea what was to happen to him by the river. Or how he would return. I was stunned when he came back, and in the manner that he did. And you are right, he is so vital to the story that he had to return. Grace could not do without his company – his little riddles, his raucous wit and the fact that he is always looking out for her, so some part of her mind had to summon him.

When Grace enters the mission, the book takes on a very different feel. Where did the inspiration for this section of the book come from?

The Irish flocked to the priesthood, the nunneries, and the Catholic Church after the famine. But I had a hunch there would have been other movements too – smaller, cult-like millennial sects that arose out of the catastrophe, where the end of days and the Second Coming of Christ were preached. It seems to be very common that the lower classes blamed providence, the hand of God, for the famine. You could also look at it that some part of Grace dies in the section called “Crow”, that she is resurrected or reborn into the mission, and they do treat her like a miracle. I also had in mind a spiritual arc. I wanted, somehow, to craft through Grace’s adventures the journey in Ireland from a la carte Pagan-Christianity, to Catholic theocracy and beyond, to the secular society we are now.

You mentioned that there are few to no first-hand accounts of life during the famine of ordinary Irish people. That shame kept people from speaking about their survival. However, the issues of displacement and famine are not unique to 1847 Ireland. Did your research include more modern atrocities for personal accounts?

Before I knew I was writing about the Irish famine, I was deeply interested in Mao’s famine that took place from 1958 to 1962. Totalitarian communism missed nothing and recorded everything. When the archives were opened they revealed the full horror of what went on. It would seem obvious that during times of enormous distress, human behaviour defaults and that our darker side emerges – the part of ourselves we would like to pretend does not exist. But, of course, it does, and it is there within every one of us. Grace, to her dismay, discovers that too.

The last three words of the book are so beautiful and simple, yet powerful enough to soothe the heartbreak and pain of the previous 368 pages. Can you speak to that? How and when they came to you?

I knew the last words of the book from very early on. I needed to write towards that light and seeing it allowed me to step fully into the darkness. The book has an epigraph from TS Eliot’s A Song for Simeon that I drew inspiration from:

My life is light, waiting for the death wind, Like a feather on the back of my hand.

“Light”, for me, is not just the lightness of human life when caught within the winds of fate, but also its luminosity. I think of the radiance within each individual and how precious that is. These two meanings combine for me into a sense of grace.

#Caitriona Balfe #The Irish Times

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ow-oc-recalled-blog · 6 years

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Gryphon!

Ah! Before I give you his…well everything I have a few things to say!!!

1. I am using a template that I found on Overwatch Amino but I have made an effort to make it detailed! 2. He’s a flying character because I absolutely love flying characters in video games!!!!! 3. I love this blog! 4. Its an old OC by a couple of months (so a few things could get changed) and I already posted it to said Amino mentioned! It actually got on the front page which I am very happy about! 5. I don’t know how to enter the Discord since I’m solely on mobile!!! Do you mind sending a link! Please have fun reading! I put a lot of work into it!

■ Hero Basics Name: Alexis Katsaros Alias/Callsign: Gryphon Age: 38 Nationality: Greek Occupation: Mechanic, Inventor, Explorer Affiliation: Overwatch (formerly) Relations: Lena Oxton (Tracer), Angela Ziegler (Mercy) Base of Operations: Heraklion, Greece Role: Damage Health: 200 Armor: 50 Advantages of Using This Hero: Flight, able to stun people, high mobility. Disadvantages of Using This Hero: Slow descent, easy to spot.

■Weapon

Weapon Name: Heirloom Harpoon Primary Fire: A harpoon passed down from engineer to engineer, this harpoon has become a staple in what makes Alexis Katsaros the strong and independent leader he is. Good for taking out squishy characters. [Type]: Linear Projectile [Damage]: 100 [Ammo]: Infinite [Reload Time]: Since it is attached to the gun, it takes 1.2 seconds to come back to the gun and able to shoot again. [Headshot]: No

■Abilities

Ability #1: Capture Net Ability Voiceline: “Got you!” “Trapped!” Description: This net has 400 health and can be taken down by allies on your team if you are the one trapped. It takes one second to throw. Once trapped you are completely immobilized. You can’t move as your player struggles. Lasts shorter than Ana’s sleep dart. If you hit an enemy while they are in the air, they will drop down straight to the ground. [Cooldown]: 10 seconds

Ability #2: Jump Boost Ability Voiceline: “Whatever comes up!” Description: Gryphon boosts up in the air for eight meters. [Cooldown]: 4 seconds

Ability #3: Dash Ability Voiceline: “Into the action!” Description: Only active when he’s in the air. Gryphon dives to whatever you are pointing at. Whether it’s through the air or down below, Gryphon will dash. If you hit the ground you will get stunned for 1 second. [Cooldown]: 4 seconds

Passive Ability: Thinking Time Description: When high enough, Gryphon has the passive ability to float slower than most enemies. Much like Mercy’s Angelic Float, you don’t need a button however. This helps you scope out the area better if you need to. If you feel you are in danger of a sniper or want to get into the action, you can always use your dash ability.

Ultimate: Electric Netting Friendly Voiceline: “A shocking discovery!” Hostile Voiceline: “Τρέξτε όσο μπορείτε, αγαπητοί εχθροί! (Run as far as you can, dear enemies!)” Description: His net from his ability part of his kit expands into a 4 meter wide net. It stuns anyone hit for 2 seconds. After they are stunned, their walking speed is slowed by 50% for 4 seconds.

■Character

Personality: Gryphon is very intelligent and he knows it. Although putting on a haughty attitude, he is just putting up a front for others to think he is a smart person. He fears if he acts silly or doesn’t keep his tough exterior, people will look down on him. Although not true, he has gotten used to putting on his persona that it’s hard not to go back to that. He’s like this when meeting strangers but once you know him, he’s a giant teddy bear. He is also very neutral in how he sees things. Although slightly more pessimistic, he tries to hype everyone up to further his team’s good outlook on doing good on missions.

Appearance: Gryphon is a man of average height and weight and works out regularly to stay fit. His hair is brown and his eyes are a dark, chocolate brown. He has plenty of oranges, browns, small white highlights, and very dark colors. He also has a bit of futuristic tech added to him. As he is approaching his 40’s, he gains an older look to him. (Also he seems to be a patch and pin collector)

Backstory: Former Overwatch pilot and currently a brilliant inventor and adventurer, Gryphon strives to make his world a better place and is an unstoppable force of wonder and good deeds.

Alexis Katsaros, joined Overwatch’s experimental flight program fairly early on in his twenties. He was known for his quick thinking and his brave discoveries while piloting aircrafts. Although his skills were fierce, he was dropped down to be a mechanic in the flight program. However, since he was still well versed in the aircraft’s functions and piloting skills, he was still a backup in case any pilots came down ill or got hurt during and/or before important missions.

Alexis soon came to be well known around around the base. He was frequently welcomed in more meetings and gradually moved up the ranks. His lust for adventure still blazed in his heart however. He created a flying machine prototype but that wasn’t exactly what Overwatch was into at the time. Defeated, he saved his inventions for later, making even more as the years went by. Alexis soon noticed the tensions between Blackwatch and Overwatch. He slowly faded out of the flight program as he refused to go into meetings, in fear of him becoming a weapon used to prove the two sides wrong/right as he had already experienced in previous meetings. He left soon, fearing the worst of the Overwatch organization as a whole, and taking Angela Zeigler’s nanotechnology to further his research.

Years passed since the fall of Overwatch had been known. He sat in his workshop, slowly working on his inventions and perfecting them. Since leaving Overwatch, he has not had the materials to make his inventions as sleek as they used to be. He decided to revamp his machines. He read up on many of the mechanics, double-checking each time to perfect them. He always had an eye for detail.Now was the time to use it. Now it was the time to be a hero again. Winston’s call was something he needed to see to realize this. Donning an alias of what he believes is the representation of freedom and bravery, Gryphon will become the strong and dependable mechanic he once was and still is.

■Personal Effects

Emotes:

[Default]: Heroic [Default Action]: Gryphon holds up his harpoon and grips it tight. He makes a stern expression towards the camera before resuming his usual stance. - [Emote #1]: Ugh Emote Action: Gryphon makes a nasty face to something in the distance. He then tilts his head back and rolls his eyes, opening his mouth. His character makes an “ugh” sound. He then resumes his position. - [Emote #2]: Sit Emote Action: Gryphon is in a side sitting position to his right. One of his hands rest on his leg while the other holds his body up. He taps his fingers on his leg as he looks around, bored. Continues until player moves - [Emote #3]: Mechanical Emote Action: Gryphon spreads his mechanical wings and puts his hands on his hips. His wings move about and twitch as satisfying clicks of the wings sound. He then resumes his regular position. - [Emote #4]: Chortle Emote Action: Gryphon seems to find something funny and tries to hide his laughter behind his hand. He then can’t hold it anymore. He lowers his hand and laughs loudly. He then resumes his regular position - [Emote #5]: 🎉Dance🎉 Emote Action: Gryphon performs the zeibekiko. It’s a Greek dance. This can see being performed [here.|https://youtu.be/GTFjKnzLeSg] Continues until player moves. (Yes he is that dramatic)

In-Match Voicelines:

[CHATTER]: Hero Intially Selected: “I will protect you, comrades.” During Wait Time: “This is an interesting line-up…” “We may be able to do this.” Respawn: “I’m back!” “I won’t fail again…” “Something had to malfunction!” Healed/ Health Pack Picked Up: “Ahhh.” “So much better!” “Now back to fight!” Damage Boosted: “I am stronger.” Nano-boosted: “I take no orders!” Discord Orb Received: “Dammit!” Resurrected: “Back to the sky!” Enemy Resurrected: “Who didn’t take them out?” “They’re back?”

[COMMUNICATION WHEEL]: Greetings: “Hello.” “Χαιρετίσματα!” Thanks: “Appreciated.” “Thank you.” “I’ll pay you back.” Acknowledge: “I understand what you’re saying.” “κατανοητή.” Need Healing: “I need a healer!” “I am wounded.” Group Up: “Let’s fix this team.” “Group up with me.” Ultimate Status: [Charging]: “Electric netting is charging.” [Almost Ready]: “Electric netting getting to maximum voltage.” [Ready]: “Electric netting, ready to throw.” “My ultimate is ready.”

[CALL OUTS]: Hero Change: “Gryphon, flying into the fray.” Sniper Detected: “I see a sniper!” “Take that sniper out!” Turret Detected: “I infer that they have a turret.” Turret Destroyed: “I destroyed their turret. Carry on.” Teleporter Detected: “I feel the teleporter’s presence.” Teleporter Sighted: “I see their gateway.” Teleporter Destroyed: “Teleporter down. Back to the real fight.” Capturing the Objective: “Capturing the objective! Join me!” Losing the Objective: “I can’t hold them off! Help me!” Escorting the Payload: “Payload is moving. Protect it.” Stop the Payload: “Stop the payload!” Payload Halted: “Why is the payload halted?” Time is Running Out (on Attack): “Time is running out! Let’s get more aggressive!” Time is Running Out (on Defense): “Keep them back!” “We don’t have much time! Keep on the defense!”

[ELIMINATIONS]: Final Blow: “Do you even know how to fight?” “Great fight…ha.” Melee Final Blow: “Hah!” “Thought you could run?” Solo Elimination: “I thought you would be a challenge.” “Someone will come out alive. Hey…that was me.” Kill Streak: “I am on fire!” “Did my equipment catch on fire? Oh no…it was just me.” Multi-kill: “I am a machine!” Witnessed Elimination: “I will avenge you, comrade.” Revenge: “It all comes back around.”

[PURCHASABLE VOICELINES] #1: [Default]: “All of you will be protected.” #2: [Flight to the Finish]: “Flight to the finish!” #3: [Ignorance]: “The ignorant are not aware of their ignorance.” #4: [Grounded]: “No buts! You are grounded.” #5: [Damn!]: “δεκάρα!” #6: [Intimidation Methods]: “It seems my intimidation methods are working, no?” #7: [Read the Room]: “Read the room, γλυκιά μου.” #8: [Heart of a Gryphon]: “Heart of a lion? I would prefer a gryphon, thank you.” #9: [All Greek to Me]: “It’s all Greek to me…which means I understand it perfectly!”

Pre-Match Dialouge: [Gryphon]: “Your mother always was set on leading you away from Overwatch, Amari..” [Pharah]: “I know. She expressed that greatly to me.”

[Mercy]: “I do not like that you stole my technology, Alexis. I would advise you give it back.” [Gryphon]: “And to think you were all ears for new scientific research, Angela.”

[Tracer]: “Alexis! You left so suddenly! Why did you go? Where did you go?” [Gryphon]: “Very personal reasons, Oxton. Maybe we could reminisce after the match to make it up to you?”

[Torbjorn]: “Alexis. Is there any chance I can look over your blueprints for your machines?” [Gryphon]: “I thought it didn’t matter to Overwatch.”

Map Specifc Lines: [Numbani]:”I heard the museum here is quite interesting. I must take a look.”

Skins: Common A: Flamingo- His outfit turns pastel pink on certain parts. - Common B: Cardinal- His outfit turns bright red on certain parts. - Epic A: Myth- His outfit turns into a mix of blues, magentas, and greens. He also have white dots decorated in the blue bits on his suit. - Epic B: Sky- His outfit turns into a mix of pastel blue, grey blue, and cloudy colors. - Epic Summer Games: Yperifáneia- His outfit turns into the Greek flag colors. - Legendary A: Captain/Ahoy! - Because of his harpoon and net, I thought it would be a great idea to give him a pirate skin! This skin would include a more scruffy and unwashed look to him. He gains a pirate hat and his wings look even more homemade than before. His hair turns to a full black and he gains an eyepatch. He gets plenty of packs. Gold, diamond, and silver accessories are flowing out of him. His clothes get thicker. - Legendary B: Workshop/Mechanic- Gryphon gets a dustier and dirty appearance to him. Boots, nails, and work tools are scattered across his attire. He gets an apron along with his skin too. He also gains goggles and a small pack on his thigh full of spare parts. His wings look like they’re in “beta mode.” He also gains a workshop like attire with a belt, stretchy jeans, and stretchy shirts. - Legendary C: Bug-Catcher- This outfit gives him plenty of greens and whites in his outfit. He has bug-like wings and the steam coming out of his machine is now bug spray. His nets have little bugs on them and his harpoon has a softer look to him. - Legendary Uprising: Pilot- A lot like Tracer’s pilot skin only having many more details. He doesn’t have shades but instead goggles. He has health kits on his sides and his suit is more puffy. More details to be added later when I eventually draw out outfit - Legendary Anniversary: Icarus- Coming in with his Greek culture, Gryphon dresses up as Icarus. His wings are more waxy and actually drips wax. He gains a Greek God ensemble and it also takes inspiration from Mercy’s Winged Victory skin. His hair is longer and his eyes are blue. He also gets Greek sandals.

Sprays:

Skyfall: The scene shows him falling down to the ground as his flying machine on his back has springs and loose bolts scattered around him. - Studious: Gryphon is seen reading a book about mechanics and gears and building as a design for his wings are on a white board behind him. - Pilot: Gryphon has a determined look to him as he’s driving an aircraft. One hand is on the wheel as another hand reaches to switch a button on the top.

Oh he’s so cool! His abilities seem so fun! - Disco

#submission #overwatch oc

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nouies-moved · 6 years

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BEST FICS OF 2017 picked by notchopsuey manips | other recs | rec page

#1. Runaway Land. 103k. Louis is sure he’s stumbled upon a secret, underground nightclub, though that is far from the truth. He’s also pretty sure he’s stumbled upon Apollo, which… isn’t very far from the truth, actually. Modern Greek mythology AU. #2. You Might Want to Marry My Husband. 24k. When Harry’s husband dies, he asks one thing of him; to find love and happiness again without him. It’s a request that Harry is happy to disregard, until he meets the one person who is impossible to ignore. #3. Love's Truest Language. 48k. The first part was meant as a joke. He didn't really expect Harry to buy anything. It was just Louis’ way of softening the ‘get the fuck out’ blow. “Where's your order forms, then?” “I don't want your flowers.” Louis chided before directing all of his attention to the arrangement in front of him. Harry laughed under his breath as he stood to his full height, “Who said anything about them being for you, love?”

#4. got the sunshine on my shoulders. 124k. five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn't have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone. now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he's rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he's forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who's spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him. (or, an au based on the movie sweet home alabama.)

#5. Be with me so happily. 42k. Harry Styles may have had his doubts at first, but by the time the gates to the elephant sanctuary came into view he was one hundred percent positive. Louis Tomlinson hated his guts. Like hated, hated. Like loathed-him-on-sight hated. From what Harry could tell, he hadn’t even done anything close to insulting enough to warrant the disdain that was Louis Tomlinson’s default expression whenever he looked at Harry. It really wasn’t fair. Especially since he’d been lusting after the man from the second he’d laid eyes on that pretty, pretty face with those pretty, pretty eyes. Or ... the one where Harry Styles has a bad reputation and a heart of gold, and Louis Tomlinson wishes he wasn't so enchanted by boys who looked like Disney characters and wore shirts with bumble bees on them. [aka Louis is the director of the Styles Elephant Sanctuary and really doesn't want to babysit his funder's spoiled lay-about son for two months] #6. rivers 'til i reach you. 29k. Louis can’t begin to understand how he’s always this close and still can’t manage to make Harry his. He stands up and gets another beer. AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is). #7. Fall At My Door. 29k. A-list actor Harry Styles and award-winning musician Louis Tomlinson have an acquaintances-with-benefits relationship, so whenever their busy professional lives happen to land them in the same city, they meet up. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement. And that’s all it is. Until it isn’t. #8. When We Were Younger. 76k. About a week after Harry started visiting this particular chat room, he was watching some kid argue with the whole room about football, personally disinterested as he tipped a bag of crisps into his mouth. He happily chomped on the crumbs, taking a swig from a glass of Ribena to wash them down, glancing at the screen and very nearly spat the squash back out again. His heart was pounding wildly. The display icon of the argumentative newcomer had caught his eye, and not in a good way. He gulped as he clicked the picture, and when it popped up in full resolution, his heart nearly fell right out of his arse. - Sixteen year old Harry Styles’ world turns upside down when he logs on to gay teen chat to discover somebody has stolen his photos and used them as their own. #9. the wonderlands. 150k. "Somewhere between chaos and control — these are the wonderlands." Harry's daughter, Andy, is signed to Louis' girl band. Her path to success is marked by competition, chaos, and for Harry, a love affair. #10. Paint Me In A Million Dreams. 110k. Harry's one of Hollywood's biggest actors, has made a name for himself in prestigious films and lives the life of a superstar. There's just one thing missing to make it picture-perfect, but the one Harry's in love with is completely out of reach for him. Enter Louis, one of Hollywood's biggest actors himself, who just came out of the closet and taps new genres in the industry. When Louis sacks the role Harry auditioned for in Scorsese's next big film, their irrational feud starts. Who could have guessed it would get even worse when for promo season, their teams decide to present them as a couple for publicity? In short, Harry's in love with someone and doesn't care about dating anyone else, Louis never felt home in L.A., Liam writes love songs for someone he shouldn't write love songs to, and Niall makes everything better with good food. #11. Divide (series). 45k. Four AUs inspired by Ed Sheeran’s album “Divide”. #12. Brooklyn Saw Me. 28k. In the cold and unforgiving city of New York, Louis doesn't have a home and Harry wants to give him one. But as their heartstrings become increasingly intertwined, and the snow continues to fall, home is getting harder and harder to find. #13. Walk That Mile. 141k. Harry stares at him, the line of his jaw standing out scarily. “I wanted to get the most out of this trip so I planned it carefully.” His voice is low and steady and somehow that’s worse than when he was yelling. “So far, you’ve put your sticky fingers on everything I’ve tried to do.” “Sticky fingers?” Louis repeats, offended. “Are you saying it’s my fault you got stung by a bee? Had you been alone you would have gotten halfway to the Dotty Diner and ran the car off the road because of an allergic reaction, so don’t go blaming me.” “Polk-A-Dot Drive In,” Harry spits before getting out of the car. He slams the door shut with a deafening reverb and Louis rolls his eyes. - A Route 66 AU where falling in love was never part of the plan. #14. Never Let Me Go. 55k. “Harry! I’ll tell you what,” Louis exclaims, clapping his hands together. There’s a big grin on his face. “If both of us are still single by your thirtieth birthday, we’ll marry each other.” Harry’s head snaps up, eyes widening. “What?” Harry and Louis have been friends forever, but they couldn't be more different. One night, with a little too much alcohol, they make a pact to marry in ten years if they're both still single. Now, one month before the deadline, Louis is willing to do whatever it takes to avoid ending up with his best friend. But is he, really? | Loosely inspired by The 10 Year Plan #15. Do Not Go Gentle. 70k. “This is all a game to you, isn’t it? Well, it’s not for me. This is a real life or death situation,” Louis says, spitting the words at him. “And I just don’t think you’re cut out for it.” For a moment, they stare at each other in complete silence. Harry can feel his blood thrumming between his ears, can see Louis glaring at him, feels red-hot anger. And then all he feels, oppressively and desperately, is lust. Suddenly Louis is surging up to him to press his lips against Harry’s. Harry walks the two of them backwards, pressing Louis back against the door. Louis oomphs in surprise and brings his hands under Harry’s scrub top, scratching at his lower back. “Lock — oh — lock the… fucking door,” Louis mutters. When Harry Styles starts his first day as a surgical intern, he expects a lot of things: to treat patients, to observe a surgery, to feel a bit overwhelmed. What he definitely doesn't expect, however, is that the handsome guy he kicked out of his bed this morning is also an intern. A Grey’s Anatomy AU where tensions are high, Harry and Louis are hooking up in secret, and no one has time for love. Or do they? #16. Staring Across the Room. 26k. Harry Styles has a great life. He’s a children’s librarian at the New York Public Library, he’s got wonderful friends, and he loves cooking, green tea, yoga, and his collection of bow ties. He doesn’t mind that his life seems a little structured, maybe even a little boring. But when Louis Tomlinson joins the library staff as the new Installation Coordinator, things become a lot less predictable. Louis gets under his skin right from the start, bossing Harry around, making noise during story time, and eating the last cupcake in the staff lounge. Louis may be almost offensively attractive, but Harry will not be succumbing to Louis Tomlinson’s charms, even if the rest of the library staff have. #17. Take Me Back to Where We Started. 27k. Harry and Louis haven't spoken since they broke up four years ago. As boarding school sweethearts they once spent every waking moment together, but now they can hardly stand to be in the same room. When their five year class reunion comes around, both boys decide against their better judgement to return and (hopefully) have a good time. The only problem is, they're both still hopelessly in love. Starring Harry as the petty ex, Louis as the new James Bond, Niall as a boy genius and fake boyfriend extraordinaire, and Liam and Zayn as two friends just trying to make it out of this weekend alive. #18. Safe and Sound (You'll Always Be). 58k. When a failed case and a guilty conscience leaves Harry more than a little lost, his boss presents him with a new, less taxing assignment to help him cope. An escape from all the madness is just what Harry needs to get his life back on track. It's just too bad his new client has a grin like the devil, a pair of electric eyes that Harry simply can't get over, and no intention whatsoever of letting him catch a break. #19. never mind the odds (i'm gonna try my luck). 59k. Louis Tomlinson is going to be the journalistic voice of his generation. He’s just waiting for his editor to realize it. For now, he’s stuck writing fluff pieces for the Life and Style section of London Now Newspaper. His latest assignment is more of the same rubbish: a profile of Harry Styles, plastic surgeon and one of London’s most eligible bachelors. Louis is intent on writing something smart and biting and unexpected; if it makes Harry look like an idiot, that’s just the price of good journalism. That is, until Louis gets to know Harry and realizes he might be kind of perfect. Featuring Louis as a writer/workaholic, Harry as a plastic surgeon with a heart of gold, Zayn and Niall as Louis’ colleagues and long-suffering best mates, and Liam as everyone’s favorite pediatric surgeon and Harry’s right-hand man. #20. Then We Talk Slow. 20k. The picture showed Harry smiling widely (with a fucking dimple) at the camera, his glossy brown curls situated artfully around his shoulders. Louis couldn’t see his whole outfit, but it seemed to consist of a pink, floral button-up with most of the buttons undone. Louis could also detect the dark outlines of tattoos on his chest, although he couldn’t quite make out what they were underneath the shirt. What he could make out was that his own heartrate seemed to have picked up significantly. Shit. This was so not good. Not only had Louis drunkenly sent messages in a deliberate attempt to interact with this man, he was now insanely attracted to him without ever having met him in person. Maybe Liam was right – drunk tweeting really was a horrible, rotten idea. A famous/non-famous AU in which Louis banters back and forth with his new record company on Twitter, only to find out that Harry is the man behind the tweets.

#hlonly #ficrec*#*#disclaimer: list based on the fics i've read; not all the fics that were published #(you won't find supernatural aus here except for the first one)

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tamsythepansy · 6 years

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VOY: “Workforce”, the transest Star Trek episode ever

So. There’s a two-part episode of Star Trek: Voyager (“Workforce”) in which the crew all find themselves living out new lives as vaguely Fordist industrial workers on a planet called Quarra, all memory of their real lives having been artificially suppressed.

Imagine my surprise when, rewatching it years later, the bogus diagnosis they’re given as their memories start to resurface is...

...which also happens to be exactly what my partners have been reminding me for the last two months (bless them). I giggled.

Lo and behold, it happens to Tuvok as well:

Now, I get that it was the turn of the millennium and this hadn’t really entered the lexicon yet, but... this is just the tip of the iceberg. Watch along with me and see how it all plays out:

Tuvok, of course, is the first to experience memories of his real life breaking through the facade, has a panic attack, and is hospitalized:

Well, if this isn’t relatable to multitudes of trans and non-binary Star Trek fans, I don’t know what is. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course, the ‘treatment’ for Dysphoria Syndrome involves suppressing the offending memory engrams, so the patient can peacefully return to being a cog in the cisheteronormative machine Quarran power distribution facility (read what you will into that). As the expert on Dysphoria Syndrome himself later puts it:

Sounds like an allegory for LGBTQ conversion therapy to me, I mean, what?

Anyway, Seven realizes that Tuvok might be on to something, and heads to the mental health clinic to get a gender assessment investigate:

Stepping into the realm of the purely serious for a moment, I *have* sort of read Seven’s character arc as a plausible trans allegory, and it’s pretty compelling: having her true identity suppressed at an early age, and finally being forced to confront it in adulthood; processing layers upon layers of trauma just to function as an individual; being rehabilitated by a circle of strong, compassionate women, each with their own identity issues (plus the medical wizardry, overeager cisheteronormative life coaching, and starry-eyed / vaguely inappropriate crushing of The Doctor, I guess, so yeah); struggling to reclaim her human (/feminine) sense of self even while the effects of her Borg (/patriarchal) upbringing have thoroughly warped her thoughts (even as they continue to give her superhuman resilience and insight). I’m sure there’s even a comparison to be drawn to transfeminine desirability politics — Seven is continually presented both as an extremely conventionally attractive human *and* as a mysterious cyborg whose embodiment and manner communicates an often-threatening sense of Otherness — but I’ll leave that for a future discourse. I’m honestly spitballing a bit with all of this, but to see it so explicitly referenced, intentionally or not, is quite something.

So, Seven asks the obvious question, and it turns out that, while being trans is undoubtedly a Real Thing, the specifics are... inconclusive:

Let’s take a moment to celebrate the fact that we’re finally starting to see gender doctors who actually understand us in all our nuance, because...

...we already know this is bad news. (Paging Dr. Harry Benjamin.)

Anyway, the compassionate gender doctor goes to the conversion therapy doctor to see what’s up, because clearly something over at the power plant is turning people trans:

One important takeaway from this story is “never walk away and leave your work computer unlocked”:

I get it, though! On a planet ostensibly without Tumblr or OKCupid, trans community is just really, really hard to find. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The compassionate gender doctor soon notices a pattern:

...mm hmm, it all started when a genderqueer person sneezed in the employee locker room, and somehow the conversion therapy doctor wound up with his hands full as everybody in the office came down with a bad case of The Trans.

Finally, the compassionate gender doctor is determined to be just a little bit too sympathetic to these gender deviants, and the now-canonically trans but still awesome at passing Seven of Nine comes to the rescue:

As if this weren’t trans enough...

...check out the subplot featuring Jaffen, a co-worker with whom Captain Janeway has an adorable but bittersweet whirlwind relationship. Though Jaffen presents as male and uses he/him pronouns, THIS TOTALLY HAPPENS, and its implications are never made clear:

Though this is set up as the punchline of a “your father” joke, Jaffen isn’t just fucking around here. Tuvok knows what’s up, and proceeds to Vulcan-splain the joke right back to him:

Which begs the question, how do Norvalians procreate, anyway? Are they clones, like the Vorta? Do they deposit their genetic material into pods, like the J’naii? Do they pick up ready-made offspring, like the Kobali? Whatever the intent is, it has serious implications for whatever kind of relationship he and Janeway would have (like, it’s not on the cisheteronormative trajectory of sex and babies, at the very least). So, bear with me for a moment, because this is my honest-to-goodness fan theory:

(okay, I admit I just had that image lying around, and this seemed like as good a moment as any to use it.)

What if Norvalians reproduce parthenogenetically, leaving the entire need for a biological “father” out of the equation?

This could mean one of two things: as with terrestrial Komodo dragons (I think), parthenogenesis happens but binary sexual reproduction is still an option (which honestly doesn’t seem like the most likely explanation, given the way Jaffen and Tuvok both frame it), *or*, as with terrestrial whiptail lizards, parthenogenesis is the default, and male (i.e., sperm-producing) offspring are extremely rare and/or usually infertile.

So yeah, okay, they reproduce parthenogenetically, Jaffen is a rare male and is probably infertile, and therefore the Jaffen/Janeway relationship is more about companionship and cooperation than sex and babies. I’m fine with that, and I actually find it quite heartwarming.

But, with that in mind, do we need to assume that Jaffen is male, whatever that means for his species? After all, whiptail lizards engage in female/female courtship behaviour, which somehow makes them more fecund — and remember, it’s the Delta Quadrant; we’ve seen enough weird sex shit by Season 7 (cf. “Elogium”, “Favorite Son”, “The Disease”, “Ashes to Ashes”, off the top of my head) that we can reasonably conclude that all bets are off.

My interpretation? Jaffen is an honest, gallant, leather-waistcoat-rocking, he/him pronoun-using, parthenogenetic Space Butch. Maybe I’ve spent too much time on Sapphic Star Trek Tumblr, or have finally disappeared up my own genderqueer ass, but I’m convinced it’s the simplest explanation that’s congruent with the facts.

[I just spent a bunch of time trying to find the “Captain Janeway is a closet lesbian, change my mind” meme, but no dice.]

Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, it’s time for me to deliver on the non-binary trans lesbian Star Trek shitposting that I’m usually all about. Having been closeted for a long time, I know a thing or two about relationships that seem straight on the surface but are actually hella queer under the hood, so to speak. Just look at these two u-hauling it on the third date (it’s adorable!):

This also seems really gay for some reason:

And, at the end of the day, he’s a good ally:

Watch the whole episode for the obligatory Sad Lesbian Ending.

The icing on this three-tiered Tholian gay wedding cake

...yup.

[Thanks to Em for subtly egging me on (ha) and Bry for putting up with me procrastinating all night. Love you both.]

#star trek shitposting #genderqueer shitposting #original content #original commentary #very long post #cw conversion therapy #cw dysphoria #non-binary lesbian #trans stuff #ember #discourse long and prosper #this got really unintentionally serious #cw transphobia #cw transmisogyny #cw sex mention #cw reproduction #tamsytalk

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