#'oh. i guess i don't deserve to fucking SLEEP anymore either'

[beauty-grace-outer-space]

I am officially existing at a constant level of frustration that's unmanageable.

#it's 4 in the fucking morning #I was woken up at 3:30 to go deal with something #this tuened into four other tasks and required a shower afterwards #i genuinely am approaching like #'oh. i guess i don't deserve to fucking SLEEP anymore either' #good to know #im so fucking tired #and im so fucking sick of handling every single thing withiut help

[the-fandom-therapist]

(@ultimateplaylistmaker you are to blame for this.

I planned to do the OTHERS parts of the alicorn!Kokichi AU, not this!

Ofjzofakslczkgitkabdvpub

Anyway, here's alicorn Kokichi in the infection AU, my version which is heavily inspired by the asks I send lmao)

Death is weird.

You don't feel anything. Actually, thank fuck because if he have to stay eternally in the state of agony he was in before dying, he would considering it hell.

Not like he wouldn't have deserve it. But still.

Anyhow, at some point when he was drifting in... limbo he guesses, he felt a pull towards... somewhere.

His soul was called somewhere and he doesn't even know where. Or why. Or even by who!

He felt himself falling, and blacked out at the moment of impact.

~0o0~

When he woke up, he immediatly noticed something was off.

First of all, the desolated wasteland (no, not this one! Fuck off Monokuma!) was a pretty good indicator that something is very wrong.

Second of all, when he bolted to get at the closest thing that could be used as a shelter, he found out that he was unable to get on his two feet. He could only walk on all four-

Wait.

Wait, wait wait, hold up a SECOND.

He lift his hand.

This is not a hand.

THAT'S A HOOF.

He's a fucking horse now? What the fuck?

...Hell is fucking weird.

Like, he would get getting thrown into a wasteland as a punishement. Makes sense. But as a horse? Okay DICE associate him 24/7 with the animal because of his name, but that's still strange.

Oh wait. He's not just a horse, he's a freaking unicorn apparently, because when he tried to put a han-hoof on his head, he got resistance.

Yep. A horn. So unicorn he is apparently. Great.

He's not in a regular wasteland, he's in a magical wasteland. He's going to see fucking pegasus next?

Nevermind, he's just going to see HIMSELF fully next! He was lucky(?) to stumble upon a shattered mirror.

Apparently he got the full treatement of magical horse. Because he's both a unicorn and a pegasus now.

Also his... well, fur? Is entierely white. His mane is the same color as his hairs, which make sense he suppose. Also thank fuck he kept his scarf. Otherwise he'd throw a fit. (Would that change anything? No. Does he care? Also no.)

He got more or less the same haircut too. His eyes are the same colors as well, so there that.

...Why the fuck does he got a tattoo on his thigh though.

A tattoo of... A purple snake -cobra apparently- with dripping fangs and a dice in its mouth. With a crown. And warped around a weird staff.

Actually it looks pretty cool, but he never wanted that thanks.

...So what does he do now?

First of all, he need to find something to eat. And water too. Because considering the state of the buildings around, he's going to bet that water isn't running anymore.

Next, a place to sleep that isn't in plain sight. If he could get a shelter from the elements, it'd be great!

Then maybe he could-

His thoughts stopped when he heard a groan.

Oops, seems like he's not alone here!

Now, the one-million question. Is it a friend or foe? In a situation like this, it's best to assume they're a fo-

WHAT THE FUCK

He doesn't know how, he doesn't know why, but when the other guy -horse really- charged at him, with obvious hostile intentions, he got blasted away by...

Purple energy?

Oh wait, he is technically a unicorn... He can do magic? Sick! Though he'll probably need to learn more about how to use it. But, more importantly...

That looks to be a very damn sick horse!

Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!

...Oh wait.

Sick looking, stumbling around, trying to attack...

Ah shit, he got himself into a damn zombie apocalypse didn't he?

...That is NOT his day.

~0o0~

Alright. After a week or so, Kokichi successfully got a few infos.

First of all: this world is different from his. Everyone here is a horse. Or rather, pony since they call themselves that.

Everyone either have wings, or a horn, or neither. But he have yet to see one who have both, just like him.

Weird. But he suppose it's a question of chance and genes. Rare ones could create both maybe?

Anyway.

He learned that this outbreak had been going on for a little less than a month. Nobody knows where their rulers (princesses apparently) went, or if they were infected or not.

He learned how to use magic, albeit only for rough spells. Just burst of energy to send the infected away from him long enough to run away, or cut things -more like explode them...- to barricade a place.

He's been trying to learn how to fly too; apparently those infected, even if they were pegasi, didn't had the cognitive connections to know how to fly now. And even if they did, they were rare and slow. So it's a great way to get away!

The only downside is to do it in a desert area, because he have a tendency to still fall rather often. And he's veeeeery far from the steady flights he saw other survivors do.

He tried to approach a group of survivors once but... Seeing them shooting another pony not infected on sight with magic cut rather efficently that idea. He's going solo here. (Even though he would benefit GREATLY from having a source of informations about this world!)

And, well he's doing pretty good for himself all things considered. Living in the streets before is great experience for the apocalypse, what do you know! Even when you're a pony.

He stayed on his own for a good week after that. Until...

~0o0~

He was walking on the border of a road going to... somewhere, when he saw it.

A pony. Lying on the ground, whimpering.

He still had a lot of colors, but there was a clear bite mark on his leg. Kokichi grimaced.

That pony was probably travelling with a group, got bitten and left to die. Man, even in Ponyland people can be assholes.

He approach the guy cautiously. The bite looked fresh, and infected only start to lose their minds at the second stage, after a week or two if the notes he found in an abandoned hospital were to be believed, but he wasn't going to risk it.

Upon hearing hooves on the pavement, the pony looked in his direction pleadingly.

"H-Help... Please..."

Now Kokichi is a leader of evil, but he's not a heartless bastard. Besides, he does need info about this world...

"Well I'm not against it friend! But I don't know how. Can that nasty thing be stopped?"

A weak nod.

"A-Amputation."

Ah. Aoutch. Okay.

He grimaced.

"Alright then. No promise though! I'm pretty new to the "magic" stuff."

That's going to be gorey. Just great... But it's not like they have another choice.

Alright then. Let's try to pour magic over an imaginary garrot and try to squeeze and-

And the wound actually closed. The bite wasn't here anymore, and the unicorn already looked better, colors because as vibrant as they were before getting bitten.

...

Okay so that's a thing apparently? He can heal?

...Cool. He never tried to heal the infected before and now he feel kinda bad. But hey, he wasn't going to risk getting bitten himself trying to help them!

The unicorn immediatly got up and looked at itself with a shocked expression.

Then he looked at Kokichi and...

And kneeled? What the-

"I didn't realized! Oh my Lord please forgive me! Of course it make sense that a powerful alicorn such as yourself would be able to cure this horror!"

...What.

"Uh... Excuse me?"

"I owe you! I owe you my life! Order and I obey my prince!"

Hold up! Pause! What is happening?! Why is this unicorn worshipping him all of a sudden? Okay, he cured him, and it's not something ponies can do yet, but why is he treating like royalty?

...Oh no.

He said "alicorn", which is probably how they call ponies who have both wings and horn. And he heard ponies talking about their princesses before...

Ah fuck, having both is a status here, isn't it. Goddamnit.

"H-Hey now. Get up! I'm not the prince of anyone. I just arrived in this world and I have no idea what's going on!"

That didn't helped. If anything, it made things worse.

"You're a godsent then! No, no surely you must be a god to be able to travel worlds as easily as that!"

Things are getting out of hand really quickly right now.

"Okay, no, I'm not a prince, or a god, I'm just some guy! I just learned I can heal that infection thing, you're literally the only pers-pony that I help since I got here!"

"Am I? Oh my Lord, it's an honor! Please, let me travel with you! I swear on my life I will be loyal until death claim me for good!"

...That guy isn't listening to him is he?

"I'm telling you, I'm not a-!"

They both stopped. Infected coming from the town Kokichi just left were starting to head towards them.

"We gotta go." he hissed, starting to scan the surroundings for a safe way.

"But of course my Lord! Allow me!"

Before Kokichi could even sputter a word about the "I am not a god stop that" they got warped by indigo looking magic, and suddenly they were in a complete new place.

"...Where are we?"

"This is the farthest point I know my Lord. the unicorn said apologically. My magic isn't strong enough to go further."

"Stop calling me that."

He looked around. That was probably supposed to be a makeshift shed, made in urgency when the outbreak happened. Thankfully it was empty now.

"O...kay. Moving on. Err, what's your name?"

"I am Frost Blade my Lord! I was a mere ice sculptor before the outbreak and your arrival!"

"Stop calling me that."

That name sounded cheesy as fuck. But he gotta "blend in" and hopefully get this pony's ideas about a god out of his head. A name out of this world -literally- would only fuel his delirium.

Now to find a name... Oh wait.

That pony also had a thigh tattoo. Being of an ice pick and a chisel...

He's going to bet that everyone's name here is going to be related to that tattoo.

Now...

Oh well. You know what?

He just got out of a killing game by dying, only to wake up in a zombie apocalypse except that everyone's a pony. And there's magic.

Unlucky but in an unbelievable way...

"Call me Snake Eyes."

"Of course my Lord!"

...It's going to be long.

~0o0~

At least he gain something from this whole mess.

Yes, reminding the other unicorn that he's NOT a god on a daily basis is annoying, but at least he got magic lessons out of this.

Frost Blade have been more than happy to help out.

So now Kokichi can teleport. Go him! And pick things up with magic.

Also, he's able to cut things more precisely. Having an ice sculptor is actually useful in a case like this.

They travel to what might have been night in a normal world. Apparently, the princesses he heard about earlier were responsible for rising the sun and the moon. All they know is that one day, the sun rose never to go down again.

Nobody knows what happened to the two princesses.

"But of course, the two sisters are nothing compared to you my Lord! You're the only one that can fight off this horror, while they surely have succumb to it!"

Kokichi REALLY hope that he'll never run into them. With that idiot loudly claiming what can only be insult to royalty, they'd end up in prison for sure.

He hadn't tried to heal more infected. The ones they encountered were all too far gone for his beginner level healing.

Until he ran into a group, that apparently just got out of a confrontation with a hoard of infected.

Of the five ponies here -two earth ponies, two unicorns and one pegasus- three had clear bite marks. Fresh too.

Obviously Frost Blade was about to go rambling to them about his healing ability, but he stopped him. He had better plan

"Hey there!" he said with a smile.

Everyone looked at him with a mix of confusion, shock and distrust. Which, yeah fair.

"You seemed to be a in a bit of a situation. What about a deal! Your pegasus friend teaches me how to fly and I heal your nasty bite marks. Sounds good?"

Obviously they were wary. Who wouldn't? But Frost Blade was back in action, singing his praises with such conviction that they gave in. After all, what did they had to lose?

Kokichi grinned. Now he could get to fly at least. Not that there was a particular urge, they weren't getting spotted often and could use magic to defend themselves... But fuck it, he got wings so why not! Flying sounded cool.

But he kept his end of the bargain of course. Couldn't get a lesson if the guy was infected!

So he poured magic in the bite wounds and prayed it'll work. And... surprisingly, it did!

It left him really tired, but it worked! And everyone was looking at him flabbergasted. Asides from Blade Frost of course. Who looked really smug actually!

"See? What did I told you ponies? He's a god of health!"

"Will you stop that! I'm not a god!"

"But you're an alicorn." pointed out one of the earth ponies.

"Yeah so? I'm not from this world! I can't even fly yet."

"That's because you're new. I'll teach you, as a payement. It won't be hard..."

"Yeah, and we're following you my Lord!" added one of the unicorn.

Goddamnit, them too? This is going to become a cult at this point and he does NOT like it.

"Stop calling me that I have a name! And it's Snake Eyes thank you. I'm not a god!"

"Hard to believe that when you healed the infection that took our princesses away!"

~0o0~

...They're starting to find arguments, it's becoming a bit scary.

They found more infected after that. And things were always the same.

He healed them if they were early stages, or made everyone run away if they were late stages. The one he healed kneel before him and swore undying loyalty -WILL THEY STOP THAT- and join him while treating him like a deity.

After a month or so of travelling and gathering ponies, he ended up with at least fifty damn horses treating him like a god!

And it's really fucking creepy. He had to stop them giving him daily sacrifices too, they were going way too far!

The problem he had was simple: he need them to stop treating him like a damn god, but also he needed to be able to lead them. Because if he lose authority, he'd have fifty very angry ponies against him, and even with a pretty good hold on magic, he have zero chance.

However, things changed when two ponies arrived, seeking his help.

Word had travelled fast about his ability to heal the infection, and he unfortunately had to turn away those with a too advanced state because he couldn't heal that yet.

Oh he'd give it a shot of course! But if he failed, he'll just say he can't heal it and the infected have to be put down. (You'd think that witnessing their so-called "god" failing at something would wake them up, but NO SIR! They'd twist the story saying that his magic can tell who had been a good pony or not, and if it didn't worked you weren't virtuous enough. Wow. Just, wow.)

(He'd apologize personally for their behavior in secret way too many times to count.)

But here it wasn't the same thing.

"You can heal the infection right? she'd say. So heal my sister!"

Kokichi ignored the crack of her voice, and rather stared at the filly hiding behind her sister's hooves.

That's. a. child. A filly. Whatever. IT'S A KID!

He can't turned down a child! No matter if her state was way more advanced than what he heal usually.

He have to. He can't fail a little girl.

"I'll do it." he said softly, gesturing to the girl to step forwards.

"Sweetie Belle. her sister said. Come on now. He can heal you. It's going to be okay. You're going to feel better."

The filly took some hesitant steps forwards. There's definitely a hunger in her eyes and he doesn't like it.

She have the beginning of fangs coming out of her mouth, and her colors are already fading.

She's going to go through the second stage very soon if he doesn't do something quickly.

"Where did you got bit?" he asked, because it's way easier if he can directly pour magic inside the source of the infection.

She's shaking, but she lift her left hoof which have a bandage.

"Yikes! Must have hurt a lot. Bunch of meanies those infected I swear! he pouted. But it's gonna be okay! I'm gonna take care of that."

"Barbarians. added her sister, nodding. A true lack of etiquette!"

Hey, he sees that she's also trying to get the kid at ease. That's a good sister! He likes her already.

"Someone gotta teach them some manners!" he said, before putting his horn on the bandage, mumbling a soft apology at the wince.

Then he concentrate.

He can see the infection going through her veins, eating bit by bit the vital liquid. He can see it agglomerate around the stomache, which explain the hunger in her eyes...

Alright. Showtime now, he can't let a kid die.

He close his eyes and focus his magic on the immediate surroundings of the wound. It immediatly start to destroy the virus, bit by bit. He pours more. She need more magic.

The infection had started to spray already, so he needs to reach further.

More magic.

The infection disappear from her legs' blood vessels.

More magic.

It disappear from her stomache.

More.

No more in her throat.

More!

No more in the blood vessels anywhere else now.

He didn't noticed he started to shake. He's breathing a bit heavy too. Fuck, that's probably scaring the girl. He opened his eyes and grinned at her.

"Hey, ever tried to play tag with a sickness? It's hard! he pouted. Its cheating too. But I'm gonna win, don't worry!"

Now though, he only need to completely destroy the last remnants of it that had reached her brain. Not enough for her to lose herself completely, thank fuck.

He's tired. That was way more magic than he ever used before. But he need to use more.

The filly won't survive otherwise, and he's not going to let that happen. Her sister doesn't deserve that either.

So he pours more. More, and more, and more magic until he can't feel any traces of the damn infection in her system.

He check several times that she's really, truly double-sure healed, and he opened his eyes again, and look at the two sisters.

"Ko-Snake Eyes: one, dumb disease: zero!"

Then he promptly collapse under everyone's shocked and worried expression -for the sisters at least-

And he's grateful for that. He missed his errr... followers, errupting in cheers and stoomping their hooves on the ground like kids, and the bullshit chants about hil getting more and more powers.

God that's embarassing.

~0o0~

He woke up on the makeshift bed his "followers" made him. Their base is temporary, always had been, but now that they're numerous they can afford to stay a month or two more than before since someone's always on patrol.

But right now, that's not what's on his mind.

Right now he need to make sure the little girl's okay. He checked, but he was exhausted and he could have missed a spot! He can't afford that.

So he take the time to get his bearings back again, and go where the newcomers are usually put until they can find more rooms to put them. And as expected, the two sisters were there.

"Mister!"

She looks way better. No hunger in her eyes, it's good. The bite mark also disappeared.

"Howdy! he answered back. How are you doing?"

"We should be the one asking you that! You collapsed!"

"Pshhhh I wanted to say hi to the floor, nothing serious!"

He used his magic just so he can make sure there's no traces of infection... And yeah. It's all gone. Thank fuck.

"Just wanted to check, noooooooo virus left, thanks for choosing our services!" he said, making a small bow.

"Thank you. the big sister said. We owe you. she frown. But we won't treat you like a deity!"

...Holy shit.

"Halleluja somepony with common sense! he said, grinning wildy. Can you be one of my advisor, to keep the other idiots in line?"

She blinked, apparently not expecting that.

"Um... I suppose? My name is Rarity, and this is Sweetie Belle." she said, putting a hoof on her sister's head.

"Snake Eyes, but you already knew that. he smiled. I'm so glad to finally find someone with a logical brain! Maybe you'll be able to convince those guys that I'm NOT a god thank you."

She really looked confused and he couldn't really blame her. Generally, the leader of a cult is someone who's consenting to be, you know, the object of a cult.

"I can try. But if you couldn't..."

"Still worth a shot! Anyway..."

He explained to them that they're searching for a safe place to settle for good. And once it's done... Well, it's done. But thankfully Rarity had another idea.

"Once we settle, it would be a good idea to look for the others... she mumbled, before adding. My friends. The bearer of the Elements of Harmony."

"...The what now."

She looked at him with a confused gaze.

"You don't know what it is?"

"Listen, I got thrust into this world only after the infection started, I have no idea what you're talking about."

She looked a bit uncredulous, but she still explained.

And wow.

"...Aaaaand what are magical artefacts supposed to do in a zombie apocalypse?"

"Ideally, find the root of the problem, and getting rid of it. she sighed. Create a massive cure too..."

"Sounds a bit utopic to me but alright! he shrugged. Not that we have many things to do outside of finding a permanent safe zone... But you said we have to find your friends first right?"

"Yes... And it's going to be a bit tedious. I don't even know where they ended up, or if they aren't infected themselves..."

"Hm. Well it's still better to stay in a bunker without a purpose! So I'm all for that plan. Also I guess I need to become better at curing that damn infection too..."

They left it at that.

Rarity was a very skilled seamstress, so she made clothes like armors to protect the ponies on patrol from bites.

She even redesign the usual cloak and mask (his scarf) he wore when they were on the move. Now he straight up looks like a plague doctor. Except that instead of a bird mask, it's a snake one. And the cloak looks more like his old, DICE's one. Dark purple, just like it. And- fuck it. He also asked her to sew DICE's logo on his cloak. Because despite this whole "apocalypse" mess, he still miss them damn it.

And one day, when they were staying at an abandoned factory, one of the pony on patrol came back and yelled.

"WE FOUND PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"

Well, that promises to be interesting.

#danganronpa killing harmony #drv3 #danganronpa v3 killing harmony #kokichi ouma #ndrv3 #alicorn kichi au #mlp au #mlp infection au

[fuck-customers]

I loved my job when I got it but three years later it's taken a rapid descent into me hating it.

There's nothing I enjoy about it anymore. The things that were nice about the job (time off as needed, I can listen to music all day, I work with animals and I love seeing them every day, decent pay raises) have either become not worth it, something my coworkers have made terrible, or something the joy has just been vacuumed out of.

One coworker listens to music, tiktoks, and musicals on her phone without earbuds and extremely loudly. It's just her and me in the room. I'm stuck in there for 4 hours on a mindless task and I'm beginning to lose it. I hear her bullshit even with two earbuds in. My coworkers don't treat me like a person. I'm left out of everything. They ignore me when I speak. They move my supplies and the one who MAKES the materials for my job just doesn't sometimes, sometimes for a full week or more, which costs me multiple hours of work. I've been here longer than anyone and I don't know what I've done to deserve this. I've barely interacted with them. I love the animals still but I don't enjoy interacting with them as much as I used to. I clock in and out and spend every day either numb or angry. I get home and I want to cry.

I spend my days off dreading the next shift and my heart rate has gone up. I get up before work and I want to die. I have no energy at all. It's work, come home and shower, force myself to eat since I don't have the appetite before work or the money to order food at work since it's in the middle of nowhere. I'm barely sleeping. I need to go to therapy but that's $200 a session and I don't have time anyway.

I don't have options. It's this place or nothing. I'm disabled, I won't pass a drug test because I use d8 (legally) for pain, and everything around here starts at $9/hr if I'm lucky.

I want to stay in bed tomorrow and no call no show until they forget who I am. But they won't, and I'm the only person trained to take care of the animals. No one else has this job. I was their first employee and I'm irreplaceable and they know it. I basically skipped Friday without any consequences because what are they supposed to do? It's me or find someone who'll take the job and spend half a year training them.

But I want to leave so badly and I can't. I won't let the animals suffer because of me. Even if I'd love to leave the people there frantic to replace me.

I'm trying to schedule a meeting with my boss to request consistent hours, a decent raise of at least a dollar, and some fucking peace and quiet so I don't have a mental breakdown at 10 in the morning. Oh, and maybe figure out why grown fucking adults are pretending I'm invisible. Maybe if that works it'll get better working there again.

If not.. I guess I'll just continue to be miserable until I wake up one day and just can't bring myself to get up at all.

[sauriansolutions]

God dammit God damnit

Tw... bad irl stuff, dead animal/dead pet tw's, severe depression/abuse/suicide tw's. Please I beg you to just scroll past this if you think you don't have the spoons to handle seeing it. Trust me I get it, if it wasn't my stuff I wouldn't want to know about it either.

Fuck I'm really not doing okay.

I just got back from my typical overnight shift, then went grocery shopping for the the 5 things I could afford, and finally came home to find

MY FROG DIED.

She was a little, underweight, green tree frog I got at one of the horrible chain pet stores because they had "boring, normal" tree frogs on sale, and this poor girl was underweight and had only one eye. (I called her Odinna.)

I had her for almost two years. I brought her with me, as one of my few possessions I wasn't forced to just abandon due to lack of space, when I moved cross-country after I couldn't afford to stay as a resident of the state I used to live in anymore.

I found her dead body while receiving a string of texts from my boss chewing me out for apparently stocking a product incorrectly. Some highlights:

"Don't ever (do task I previously claimed I entrusted to you) again!"

"All of (task) has to be redone because you fucked up!"

"If my boss would have seen this. Or his boss. Holy hell."

*also, photos of the hours of work I did last night being angrily undone, just to push the point home?*

I *put a product on the shelf wrong.* (I was never told the correct way.) Call the fucking firing squad, I guess.

It's not even these specific things, it's.

I don't have anybody I feel like I can safely talk about things like this with, otherwise I wouldn't be dumping this on the blog I tried to make for happy escapism.

I've been in so many long-term abusive relationships, I guess I don't know how to NOT be treated like shit. I've been trying though? I'm worried I might be too autistic and cptsd to even recognize what is a toxic relationship versus, I don't know, a normal snag between folks?

Pretty sure my boss and my roommate have been treating me like shit for awhile though. And I'm so dumb, I'm only just starting to recognize the patterns. Again. AGAIN. The same ones that--

Oh but, idk, maybe it's just me though? Maybe I am in fact so annoying, I deserve to have eyes rolled at me, to be cut off every time I try to talk, to be spoken to in this clipped, exasperated tone. Spoken *at*, more like.

But?? I don't think literally everything I say is stupid. I don't think literally everything I do deserves to be ignored if done well; and don't think I deserve to be excessively, humiliatingly berated if I make, (what seem to me at least? it's entirely possible I am the idiot?) really small, ultimately unimportant, and understandable mistakes??

Maybe I'm also insane to think this, but oh no I'm going to go THERE. Yeah so um... I feel like maybe I should be making a living wage? Hey, that would be cool. Maybe I should get at least like, ONE 15-20 minute food break on my "8 hour" overnight shifts? Maybe I should be getting healthcare (and maybe like what, 401k? Other kinds?) of benefits too, (what other kinds of benefits even exist? Dental? Vision?? Who the fuck has ever had their employer buy them glasses that sounds crazy!), esp considering I'm continuing to work my ass off while raw dogging it through venlafaxine withdrawals (lost my health insurance so fuck me I guess!!) and basically destroying my mental health, working anytime, all the time, full-time, with mandatory overtime--

That's only the tip of the goddamned iceberg, but enough, enough, I'm depressing myself too much to go on even just writing this.

Writing this is an exercise in acknowledging that it's all stuff that happened, not some nightmare. And had an effect on me. I had gotten so good at drugging and drinking myself to sleep, and ignoring, and ignoring,

I feel so trapped. I've been trying to like myself more, and there's a certain point that means you have to actually act on things like this, or else you... don't really like yourself that much, do you?

So, even though it is the most anxiety inducing thing ever, I have dipped my toes into "acting on it." To the extent that, recently, for the first time in my life, I've been willingly leaving jobs, friendships, and romantic relationships--if they feel like, if I told my therapist (who exists in my head, I can't afford one) about how they treat me, I can easily imagine them being like, "Wow okay so first of all, red flags all over the place!"

I've been doing this to my own detriment. I'm alone and stuck, unable to afford solo housing, or appropriate medication, or even food and other basic life necessities some of the time.

And here's the kicker.

I really, really don't want to die. In that sense, I'm not suicidal! But, I don't know how I'm supposed to keep existing like this without imploding or exploding in some way, though.

The worst part is just having no time, space, or resources to even start trying to heal. Nobody to even talk to safely... or, imo, ethically. I don't want to inflict this sadness and hopeless on some innocent bystander.

I'm sorry if you are the person reading this right now.

#don't read this #it's a hazard #personal #trigger warning #venlafaxine #effexor #major depressive disorder #mental health

[celiastjamesoscar]

Professors either are your best friends or your ultimate enemy. That dude needs to take a chill pill. He probably gets off on causing his students misery. Jon, on the other hand, seems so cool and like a fun dude! His love for pictures is everything, I adore it. If you can talk to him about gambling then he's really a chill guy. 4 finals, that's manageable! I'm the same study type as you; procrastinating it and only doing it a short time beforehand. But, I'm the prime example for this bad behavior. Don't be like me and fuck up your finals. So listen up, I will boss you around one more time. You will start studying early on and really put your heart and soul into it. The relief you will feel afterwards will be the greatest thing ever! Listen to me, miss ma'am.

Omg yes Sam and Butter are sharing one brain cell! Oh Sam definitely enjoyed his ball, especially since he lost his two... The new tattoos will be smaller, fineline ones. 1 is an ufo sucking in a human with "get in loser" on top. The other one will be a devil lady (naked) waking up from a nap inside of a coffin. The best news about all of this is that THE HOT MILF WILL BE DOING THE TATTOOS!!!!

Well... technically I'm already "fired" so they can't do anything. After my apprentices is over they couldn't offer me a job so I'm being let go. And because that company is really shitty and never treated us well, I don't give a fuck anymore and will call in sick. I already called in today. Hey! Cutting a banana is hard work! I held it in my hand (first mistake) and cut through it. Then I looked away because I got distracted (second mistake) and somehow cut my thumb. The one that held the knife. I genuinely don't even know how I did that...

YES GRACE THANK YOU!! I just grabbed that poor girl while she was stealing the pigs food. She's so soft and warm and fluffy. Hennifer even looked at me and put her head on my shoulder!!

Lol I don't think her poor husband stands a chance against a bunch of obsessed ladies. We will definitely win and kindly surprise adopt Melissa. I'm sure she wouldn't even mind...

That’s honestly so true about professors. My chemistry one, the guy who gave me a zero, is a complete asshole. It’s safe to say that my evaluation of him will be a long and hefty one. Jon is honestly the goat, im sad that I’m only going to have him for one more semester. although I will be glad that I won’t have to worry about an embarrassing picture of me making it into the slides 😭 4 finals isn’t too bad, and I don’t think any of them are on the same day. At least I hope not. I’m honestly the worst when it comes to studying, but I plan to use tomorrow as a study day, so don’t worry! And to make you proud, I finished my article review paper tonight and turned it in, instead of waiting until tomorrow to do it, which is when it’s due! It was supposed to be 4 pages, but it turned out to be 6 😬

Not Sam losing his 2 other balls! I got Butters 6 tennis balls a couple months ago, and now he only has 2 left 😭 Butters has been a handful today; first he came in from playing in the backyard with a small abrasion on his head which I had to clean it, and now he’s gotten welts around his mouth and on his nose. It looks like he had an allergic reaction to something, but I’m making him sleep in my room so I can keep an eye on him. My two boy animals have caused so much trouble 😭

But your tattoo ideas are amazing!! I remember you sending in those pictures of them too, and I can’t wait for you to get them!! AND THE HOT MILF IS DOING THEM?!?! YOU BETTER BE SENDING IN THE FINISHING WORKS!!

Well since you are technically already “fired,” I guess there are no consequences for calling off work, especially if the company can’t treat the workers properly. And you know what, you absolutely deserve that time off for your traumatic experience with cutting the banana. How the hell did you manage to cut your thumb that was holding the knife??? That’s what I want to know, like how is that even possible 😭

you snatching Hennifer while she was being a menace and stealing the pigs food is honestly gold!! And she even rested her head on your shoulder, that’s so cute!! Also, I absolutely lock her name so much!! It reminds me of Yennefer from The Witcher series. We used to have chickens but we had to get rid of them because A.) they were too loud and B.) my brother got attacked by the rooster and I got in trouble for recording it 🙄

Melissa herself said that her husband doesn’t get jealous, so I’m sure we could figure something out to where we all win 🤷🏻‍♀️

#bender chats #clexa is forever ♾️

[lingerxng]

"this is a bad idea."

"fuck you, i don't have bad ideas."

mai was chewing on a nail. a disgusting habit that rhys was still trying to break them of, to no avail. ugh. like, it's 2023, did anyone even do that anymore? gross.

they caught his stare and dropped their hand. "you're gonna get caught, and we both know your twink ass won't last a day in jail."

"first of all," rhys said, holding up one finger, "it would be we getting caught. unless you can suddenly turn invisible and didn't feel the need to tell me. second--" he raised another finger-- "i won't go to jail. that's ridiculous."

they scoffed. "rhys, i'm pretty sure this is a felony."

"it's a misdemeanor, i looked it up."

they turned a corner, down a much less populated street. it wasn't the worst part of town, but it certainly wasn't a good part. that was fine by rhys; it meant what he was going to do was less likely to be questioned.

really, it was christian's fault for getting such a nice car in the first place.

rhys approached it easily, calmly, only stopping once he was close enough. mai hung back, looking both ways down the street nervously. "you're seriously going to do this."

"yep." he pulled the leather gloves tighter over his hands, took up the baseball bat he had been carrying, and stepped onto the hood of the car. "he said i was the worst he'd had."

breaking glass was easier than either of them expected.

---

three hours later, rhys was on the roof of his building, smoking a menthol and staring at the sky. he should be tired; it was almost four am. but he was still wired, every limb filled with a restless energy. destroying christian's car felt good.

but not good enough.

he didn't look up when he heard mai coming up the ladder, or when they laid down next to him. he ignored their pointed cough, too.

"maybe christian normally sleeps with prostitutes."

rhys snorted. "yeah, maybe." he ashed his cigarette into the empty coffee tin at his side.

mai only let the silence stand for a second. "i mean, you didn't think he was The One, right?"

"i don't--"

they cut him off with a wave of their hand. "yeah, you don't believe in it, whatever. still you're taking this really hard, guy."

rhys was quiet. there was still a smouldering anger, deep in his gut-- the man was a bastard and he deserved a wrecked car if not more-- but there was more to it. and they both knew that. this was always how it went with them. they bickered and bitched, but they understood each other better than anyone else had.

"i don't know what i'm doing," he said, voice soft. "why i can't let myself have nice things."

"i've seen your apartment. you have lots of nice things."

he nudged their arm. "nice relationships, then. fuck knows i've tried to ruin ours enough times."

"guess you just need to meet someone else as persistent as me." he could hear the grin in their voice.

rhys scoffed. "yeah, that's likely."

"hey, you never know. lots of people like the unhinged jerk thing."

"no one stable."

they sighed, swinging themself into a sitting position to look at rhys properly. "look. if you wanna keep moping, go right ahead, you... weirdo. but you're the only one who can break this cycle, dude. you are the one who keeps going after these jerks. if you want a nice guy, you have to find a nice guy, and make the effort for him, too. it can't all just be one sided."

"one si--" he pushed onto his elbows, eyes narrowed at mai. "you think i'm not putting in effort?"

"i know you aren't putting in effort! you make a point of telling me how easy this is for you! you tell every guy you bring home that you could grab anyone, and then you go out and prove it! how is that making an effort to keep anyone around!"

rhys sat up properly now. "fuck you, no i don't!"

"bullshit you don't! you flaunt it! you were out with christian and i watched you flirt with someone else!"

"i wanted to see what he'd do! if he was going to--"

"oh, fuck off with your insecurities!"

"i am not insecure!"

"then why did you just go destroy his car for saying you were bad in bed!"

"i--" he groaned, standing and heading to the edge of the roof. he leaned on the wall, staring at the cityscape. stupid mai. stupid mai.

stupid, correct mai.

"i hate you."

"then evict me, coward."

silence fell again. mai wasn't getting up. this fight in particular wasn't exactly new. but every time it happened, he could just feel their conviction.

stupid goddamn asshole mai.

the standoff ended when rhys sighed, shoulders slumping slightly. "look, i know, okay. i know."

"i know you know."

"fuck you."

"rhys." they stood, crossing to him. "this self destructive bullshit has to end, okay? seriously. i'm tired of dealing with it, i can't imagine you like it anymore."

"what exactly do you expect me to do?"

"honestly? probably continue all of this." he could feel their shrug. "but i hope you don't. i hope you just... i dunno, chill for a while. figure out what you want. like, actually want, not just something to fill whatever hole is inside you. i mean, jesus. get a hobby. touch grass."

"mai, we live in the middle of--"

"oh my god it's a metaphor you stupid asshole."

he sighed, drumming his fingers on the concrete lip of the wall. they were right. of course they were right. "...you'll stay?"

"no one else would put up with your ungrateful ass."

"fuck you."

"fuck you, too." they leaned on the wall next to him, letting their shoulders bump. "you'll figure it out. so help me god, i will make you do it myself."

"christ, i don't doubt that."

they nudged him again. "hey, what about that guy from the shop?"

"be more specific."

"ex choir boy. kevin? kris?"

he frowned. "what about him?"

"he's stable."

he scoffed. "right, and three seconds away from evangelizing me."

mai rolled their eyes. "he's not in there for the smudge sticks, rhys."

"mmm." he sighed, crossing his arms and letting his chin meet where they touched. "....do you want to stay up a little while longer?"

"for you? sure." they hopped onto the wall, kicking their heels agains the brick. "wanna see the new party trick i learned?"

"no. but do it anyway."

"attaboy."

#rhys #mai #modern au #i listened to upsahl's Lunatic and immediately associated it with rhys so #this has been festering for weeks #my writing

[soir-rouges-esprit]

xxviii.h: The Viper, “you have to break out of that or it’s going to bite you one day” … She turned away from me and laid on her side. “then what Red? I’ll have to walk in that fucking accursed graveyard and walk down to see your grave among all the others … I can't … do that anymore, especially with you, it'd … crush me.” I … oh shit … yeah, I guess … it's been a while since I had someone that not only cared if I fuckin croaked or not, but more so … needed me to live, straight up relied on me for me … this accountability felt strange, weird, and distant but familiar, like a cousin from out of state who visits only once per year at Thanksgiving or some shit. I'm not gonna *sigh* I stood up and walked over to her chair, sat down next to her while she still faced away from me. I'm not gonna leave you here to mourn another name and face of the past, not gonna abandon you … I don't … want this kind of life anymore, I don't wanna know these kind of fucking people or even be associated in whisper by name alone amongst their circles … I promise this goes no further than what it is/has to be for this short time. I get my hand and gently rest it over her right forearm. Please … trust me. I'm … tired … and honestly M … I don't care for burning down bridges or blazing anymore paths of destruction, of which in the past I ignorantly claimed to be glorious. I want nothing to fucking do with any of that anymore, I don't wanna fuck around and get face fucked by the reaper … the spooky ass skeleton bitch … I can't fucking believe I'm gonna even say this, considering my past of constant tormenting on the idea and people who wanted this but … I just wanna get fucking cozy, read some books, explore, cook, laugh, have a good fuck and enjoy happiness just like everyone else. I want that … I'm so fucking tired of watching everyone else enjoy that life while I get stuck half-dead in a rain canal or pulling friends from drug-induced comas or getting honestly mentally and emotionally abused by people that were supposed to be there for me … fuck all that Jazz, I’ll fight now to gain my peace and serenity, no more no less, no more ass blasting that envelop, or toting a pirate flag … no more unnecessary battles, just life, peaceful calm stable and … healthy. She with tears in her eyes, turned towards me, staring deeply … rested her hand on mine that was situated on her forearm, she rubbed my hand with her thumb and said. “I know *Sniffle* I know you're tired, I know you didn't ask for this and that you're really hurting and trying. I know you want that peaceful life now … I'm happy to hear you don't wanna sleep with death and leave me here. I … I want all of that to … so you can't leave ok? You just can't, I don't have it in me anymore if you fail … I'm tired too … I don't wanna hurt anymore, I don't wanna die but … I don't really wanna exist in pain either.” I know … you've been through the ringer, and then some. You deserve an enjoyable existence … one worth more than dreams leave in anticipation. She sat up, and hugged me, then rested her head against my shoulder, I wrapped my arm around her and rubbed her shoulder. “I trust you. I've always trusted you … even on some of the things that were negative … I take it all to heart.” I'm dumb, don't put that much faith in my noggin like that, trust me it's not exactly a straight shooter or great at character analysis, especially when it comes to those negative things you talk about … I was wrong about you, and shouldn't have even contemplated them. I'm sorry … what I did … fucking hurt and was really shitty of me to do, and I didn't even for a second think on how you were going to take it let alone feel after, I fucking … sucked in that moment and you didn’t deserve that random hit out on you … so again, I'm … really sorry M. She looked up at me with this big smile and and giggled like a school girl, then jolted at me, hugging me so hard we fell back on the chair, to a laying position. … She kisses my neck quick … “Hehe! You are … so good, you know your like … " [To Be Continued]

#creative writing #writing #original story #smut

[lovingcorleone]

“Stronger Together, Weaker Without” — Michael Corleone x Reader

(gifcredit)

Summary: Y/N and Michael were put into a difficult situation, when unexpected things happened just before their wedding.

Pairing: Michael Corleone x Fem!Reader

Request: "Hello could you do one where Michael Corleone and his wife are having a difficult time at the wedding and are trying to talk to resolve it?" — @loveilovetoo

Author's note: (English is my second language.) ; I needed to overcome writer's block, and that's why it took me so long - my sincere apologies! I really hope you will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Warning: strong language, sappy conversation?

STRONGER TOGETHER, WEAKER WITHOUT

Friday, the day before wedding.

It is safe to say that many things went wrong on your and Michael's wedding weekend. It all started a day before the ceremony and you weren't sure what to think about it. First, the main bridesmaid, your best friend B/F/N, called you early in the morning, telling that she was sorry but she didn't feel twice as good and probably caught some illness. That would be okay, it wasn't a big deal, because these things just happen and you cannot really prevent them. Little did you know that it was only the beginning of a nightmare.

With this information you went right to Michael to tell him the news, but he only assured you that, yes, it was dissapointing, but nothing that couldn't be solved easily. You only wished this was the first and also the last unpleasant thing of the whole wedding. Another suprise came later in the afternoon when Michael got a call from Tom. Your soon to-be husband was hesistant at first if he should tell you that place where you two were suppossed to have your first dance as married couple, was completely burned down. He quietly came to you and gave you a tight hug. „I have good and bad news.“ he started, „I guess you want to hear the bad news first, huh?“ You pulled back from his hug and gave him worried look. „What happened?“ „So ... the thing is that our venue is gone. Burned down. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. But! The good news is that people who did that are already caught.“ After he had spoken, you were speechless. You couldn't find the words. You blankly stared at Michael, then turned away from him and hugged yourself. „Why would someone do that? Why? We deserve to be happy too, why can't we be?!“ you raised your voice a bit and a few tears escaped from your eyes from pure frustration. Your fiancé was desperate just as much as you were. His blood was boiling, but he knew he should be calm and supportive. Michael was heartbroken too. It was supposed to be his happiest weekend in his life.

Fortunately, your day ended without any more complications. You couldn't sleep with Michael in the same room, because tradition clearly said that it was forbidden and it brings bad luck, so you two just called each other that night. „Everything will be just fine. I promise you that. No one will take away our wedding day from us.“ „Michael, that sounded a bit threatening..“ you laughed, „But yeah. Tomorrow's about us.“

Saturday, Wedding Day, 6:00am.

You didn't have to wake up that early, but the thing was that, you had a very strong feeling that you should be fully awake no matter what. Also, around 7:15am Connie and Sandra promised you to come and start with your preparation for your big day. By that time you were just sitting on your bed watching sun rising up through your window. The bed felt so lonely without Michael in it. You got used to falling asleep and waking up next to him. You wondered if he was still sleeping.

In the middle of your showering, there was a loud knock on the door followed by excited voices of two girls mentioned above. „Come on, sleepyhead. We need you to get ready!“ said Connie with joyful voice. You opened the door with a towel covering your body and wet hair. „About damn time, dear. I hope you slept enough, because I'm sure that right after wedding there will be no sleep for you.“ continued Sandra and winked at you giving you a sign what she really meant by it. You giggled and hugged both of them. „Thanks. Thanks a lot for helping me. I don't know what would I do without you two.“ you sighed and sat at the chair in front of big mirror. It took Sandra about one hour to make your hair looking like it belonged to a princess. It was exactly what you wanted. Then it was Connie's turn with doing your make-up and, of course, it turned out even better than you expected. All of you were so satisfied with final result. Then you put on your dress. Now, you looked like a real princess. Your B/F/N was the one who helped you decide which dress was, metaphorically, made for you. Even though, she couldn't be there with you, the dress reminded you of her. For a minute, all your troubles suddenly disappeared and you were filled with pure joy.

Your silent admiration of your look was however interrupted by someone knocking on the door. Connie was the closest person to it so she carefully opened, but only her face was seen, in case if it was Michael looking for you. Luckily, it was not Michael, but his brother. Which was not good scenario either. „Sonny? Don't you have a work to do?“ Connie asked in quite annoyed voice, because he obviously interrupted their –girls moment-. Sonny was visibly nervous and his hairline was covered in drops of sweat. His sister could swear she saw a glimpse of fear in his eyes. „I need to speak to Y/N. Like right now.“ he said urgently and tried to step into the room, but Connie didn't let him to do so. „C'mon Connie. Just let me in...“ „Who's that?“ you asked with a raised voice so the person on the other side of the door could hear you.

„It's Sonny. I need to tell you somethin'.“ You nodded to Connie that she could let him in. He didn't hesitate and made his way right to you. His first reaction was adorable, because his look fell on your dress and then on your face. He widely smiled ready to give you some cheeky compliment, but he quickly remembered why he came there. „Okay, now, don't be mad.“ As he said that, your happy face dropped. „Everytime when someone says „Don't be mad.“, something really bad happened. I hope this is not that case.“ He made a squinted face and took a deep breath. „Look... aaagh...Something happened.“ „Continue...“ „You know.. your wedding rings...Well...ughh...they are kind of gone. We can't find them and we looked for them everywhere.“ he finally admitted as you fell down on your chair. „Oh my god.“ Sandra whispered and ran to hug you and Connie's jaw dropped down. „But ..how..? They were put in a safe place. Does Michael know?“ Sonny scratched the back of his head. „Tom and Fredo are tellin' him now.“

You felt your chest got tight and it was a bit harder for you to breathe. „Bridesmaid's ill, the venue is gone and so are the rings.“ you whispered holding back tears. For a moment there was a tense silence, and everyone in the room felt kind of embarrassed. The best day of your life turned out to be the worst. Connie didn't even had a chance to comfort you because you stood up with emotionless face and went to the door. You were about to stepped out of room, but Sonny gently grabbed your elbow. „Where are you going? You can't see Michael. It's a tradition..“ You angrily glared at him „Fuck tradition. I need to talk with Michael.“ Sonny let go of you very quickly and felt ashamed of his words. The situation was way more important than some tradition.

Your soon-to-be husband had the same idea. He was on his way to your room when you two bumped into each other at the corner.

„Our rings are gone.“ both of you said at the same time and he pulled you into a hug. Though his mind was full of emotions and mostly full of anger, he did notice how incredibly beautiful you were. Of course, for him you were beautiful everyday, but seeing you in wedding dress made him tear up a bit. He then suggested to move to some empty room so you could talk in private. You sat on a bed and Michael joined you. His arm hugged you over your shoulders and you gently put your head on his chest. After overcoming primary shock, you spoke first. „I don't feel like this is all just stupid coincidence.“ you sobbed and let the tears make their own way down your cheeks. „Then what do you think it is?“ he asked quietly. You raised your head and looked into his eyes. „What if this is a bad sign? At the moment, I feel like everything is ruined and we are just helplessly standing in the middle of the chaos not knowing what to do. What if we are not meant to be married.“ your voice broke and you couldn't keep looking into his eyes anymore. His arm fell off of your shoulders. He wiped away his own tears and got down on his knees grabbing your hands, which made you look at him. „So? Even if we are not meant to get married, that doesn't mean that we are not meant to be together, Y/N. I believe in us. But I need you to believe in us too.“ His voice was steady but you could hear how hard he tried to remain being steady. Not only your heart was breaking, his was too. Some couples would turn this situation into a humorous one, but for you and Michael, it was really serious. You sniffled and bit your lip. „I believe in us too. But these things don't happen without a reason. I just- I don't know.“ „I love you. Do you love me?“ You were shocked by his question. „Of course, I do. You are my everything, Mike.“ you sobbed again and his finger moved to your face and wiped away new tears. „You are my everything too. And I know how long you've dreamed about this day. We can cancel it if you want. Or we will face this very eventful day together. Like we always do with everything that crosses our path. How does that sound to you, hm?“ a very faint smile appeared on his lips. He made a good point. You could've run from it or face it. „The venue is destroyed, we don't have our rings and we also broke the tradition...Every single thing is against us. Maybe marriage can break this curse or whatever it is. Maybe we should shoot our shot.“ your lips formed into a weak smile. He took your face into his hands and kissed you softly. Then he added: „We will be okay. From now on.“

#michael corleone #michael corleone imagine #michael corleone x reader #al pacino #the godfather x reader #the godfather imagine #the godfather #oneshot

[herofics]

Hey, just got power back after 3 days. Hurricane ida wasn't anything fun. Its been hot, and humid. I'm the only one doing most of the yard work and that includes moving very large tree limbs to the very front (1 acre of land) and walking through flooded streets with no shower for 3 days. I finally got a shower today and just🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟. How would Izuku and Bakugou (scenario and seperate) react to their gender neutral s/o ( still in highschool, I'm a 3 rd year) who's overworking themselves beyond exaustions, nearly has a heatstroke each day and is still smiling helping the neighbours as well as going above and beyond for everyone only to still deal with depression by the end of the day feeling like they didn't do enough. When they finally get power back as well and the exaustions finally hitting them after being told they weren't allowed to work anymore for a few days since they have cuts and bruises all over them. 😅 Ik it's alot. Sorry. You don't have too if you don't want to. Hope you're doing well.

Hurricane Ida was like a half a year ago, so you can see how old this ask is. I'm so sorry this took so long. This is just some comfort with an overworked, depressed s/o

~Bakugou Katsuki~

Bakugou was coming to visit, after he’d heard you had been put on a bit of a pause with all the work you had been doing around your neighborhood. You had almost passed out during school that day and the nurse had ordered you to take it easy for a couple of days. You were taking your first shower in days now that the power was back on and it felt amazing.

You were just throwing on your oversized t-shirt and some shorts when the doorbell rang. You went to open it and there stood your grumpy boyfriend. You invited him in and you went to your room.

You sat down on your bed, while Bakugou pulled a chair from under your desk to sit on.

“You look like crap” he said after taking a good look at you.

“Oh come on, I looked much worse before I took a shower” you said, trying to make a joke out of it. “Well not that you would know, you weren’t there” you added quietly.

“You look like you haven’t slept in days, and you’re covered in cuts and bruises”

“I guess that’s not too far from the truth” you said awkwardly and rubbed the back of your neck, but your smile faded.

“Seems you’re not feeling much better either” he said and pulled the chair a bit closer to you, so he could take your hands to his.

“It’s just… I feel like I’m not doing enough and I’ve just been feeling like crap in general lately” you sighed and squeezed his hands.

Bakugou was rubbing circles on the backs of your palms with his thumbs, while thinking of what to say. He knew you had been stretched pretty thin lately and he wanted to help you somehow.

“What the fuck do you mean you’re not doing enough? You’ve been working your ass off for days and helping people. You’ve done more than enough and you need to fuckin rest”

“I… Can I? Have I really done enough to deserve rest?”

“You don’t need to be deserving of rest, you just fuckin need it and you’ve more than done your fair share, so go the fuck to sleep” Bakugou said and pushed you back onto the bed.

“But, we were supposed to hang out” you protested.

“Just lay down” Bakugou growled as he too climbed onto the bed and laid down.

You snuggled to his chest and he put his arm on your waist, pulling you closer. You relaxed in his embrace and you were soon off to the land of dreams.

~Midoriya Izuku~

A text lit up your phone, you read it and just sighed. It was Izuku, he was asking if you were okay, since you hadn’t texted or called him in a few days or answered any of his attempts to contact you.

“I’m fine, just kinda tired” you answered him.

You were laying on your bed after taking a shower. You still had your towel wrapped around you since you hadn’t bothered to put on anything but your underwear. You had told him you were tired, but in reality, you were exhausted. You had been working your butt off the last three days and honestly you just wanted to go to sleep for a week or maybe fall into a coma.

Your phone chimed again with a new message: “Wanna talk about it?” Izuku asked.

“Not really, tell me about your day instead?” you texted back.

Midoriya knew you weren’t really feeling like talking about what had been going on with you, so he just did as you requested and told you about his day.

You weren’t really in the mood to interact with anyone, but you desperately needed companionship and someone to talk to, even if you didn’t want to.

“Call?” you asked him.

“Sure”

You dialed his number and he answered almost right away.

“Hey you” you said, but the words lacked the usual liveliness.

“Hi, are you alright? You’ve been pretty reserved with your answers” Izuku said.

“I’m just… depressed I guess, and I haven’t had a break in days”

Midoriya knew he couldn’t really offer to just come over, since UA had such strict rules with leaving the campus, because of the recent villain activity. He wanted to comfort you somehow, to make you feel at least a little bit better.

“I want to make you feel better, but I don’t know how” he said.

“I don’t really know either, but hearing your voice already helps a lot”

The two of you talked for a while, well Izuku did most of the talking, since you didn’t really have much to say. When you hung up, you were left feeling just a bit better, but still exhausted, so you just went to sleep.

Midoriya couldn’t help but think you were more tired and burned out than you let on. He decided to arrange his weekend so he could come visit you. Even if he couldn’t stay overnight, he really wanted to see you. He missed you and wanted to make sure you were okay.

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki #kacchan #midoriya izuku #deku #bnha scenarios #mha scenarios #comfort #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction

[lacharcutiere]

emptiness [sawamura daichi]

1k words

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part four of i'm gone i'm gone i'm gone miniseries. you can't put off decisions for forever, but you can definitely try.

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4).

tings // fluff, soft angst & smut // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to taglist ! minors dni.

☾𓆙𓂻

— ARRIVAL: 17 MAY 2022. 04:23 JST.

daichi picks you up from the airport. you're in his arms before he can even think. he holds you tight, like he's trying to make up for nine months apart. he wants to kiss you, but he knows he can't.

you help him pile your bags into the trunk and climb into the passenger's seat. neither of you knows what to say. it's strange how you're right next to him yet it almost feels as if you're more distant than when you were half a world away.

☾𓆙𓂻

you sleep for most of the day, jet-lagged. around three, you wake up briefly to text tōru your address and tell him to come over for dinner; your parents want to meet him. then you pass out again.

at five, you're woken up by a knock on the door.

"it's me," tōru's voice calls from the other side.

"you can come in," you call back, rolling over to face him as he enters the room.

he laughs, you missed that laugh. "sleepy?"

"hmm." you move over a little, giving him some room to sit beside you. he brushes a bit of hair out of your face, still smiling.

"yeah, jet lag's a bitch."

☾𓆙𓂻

your parents love tōru; you wouldn't have expected otherwise. they seem a little surprised that now it's him and not daichi, though, and you can't say you're not, either.

— 23 MAY 2022. 13:02 JST.

daichi invites you out to lunch, at the same ramen place he took you to after that night, over a year ago. he introduces you to his girlfriend, tsuuka. she's pretty, sweet, friendly but demure, and very different from you.

(daichi told you to invite tōru, but he'd already promised to babysit for his sister. he promised to take you out another time to make up for it.)

it's awkward—you don't know what to expect. it's not even the fact that daichi's seeing someone and it's not you, or the fact that she's sitting right across from you. it's you. you don't know what to say to him; wouldn't know even if it were just the two of you alone in your bedroom.

☾𓆙𓂻

texts with tōru (you know you don't deserve him)

— 21:57 JST.

you're not falling out of love with tōru. but as you grind down on his cock in the reclined driver's seat of his car after what was meant to be a quick snack run, you have a moment of clarity where you know that what you're doing is wrong. to him, to daichi, to tsuuka.

(you love tōru. but can you even fall out of love with someone you're not in love with?)

— JUNE & JULY 2022.

you're... well. you can't say you're not avoiding daichi. you're not actively avoiding him, per se, and you still keep in contact over text pretty regularly, but you find yourself scrambling for excuses every time he asks if you want to hang out.

you're terrified that he's going to ask you what's going on, but thank god, he doesn't. and you know him well enough to figure that if he wants to talk about this, he's going to want it to be face-to-face.

instead, you pass the days with friends you haven't seen in what feels like forever, and of course, tōru. you come to love takeru (tōru whines that you can't help babysit anymore unless you stop ganging up on him).

the times when you do see daichi are only in groups of friends, and although you feel horrible about it, you do your best to keep your distance from him. to his credit, he doesn't say anything.

you come to hate being left alone with your thoughts, spending nights with tōru or kiyoko whenever possible and having music, podcasts, the radio, the tv—whatever—playing as you sleep when you're alone. silence inevitably leads to trying to figure out what the fuck to do, and after a couple nights of giving that a chance, you've come to the conclusion that there's no solution. (at least, no solution that you like. no ending where everyone comes out unhurt.)

— 3 AUGUST 2022. 01:32 JST.

the summer's worst nightmare comes true: you and tōru book the same flight back to new york. you realize you need someone to take you to the airport. it's a weeknight; your parents are out of town and his can't take off of work. most of your friends are already back in school. a taxi is your last resort, but tōru tells you he's figured something out. it's not until he's lying in your bed, your luggage and his all packed and ready to go, that you find out.

there's a knock at the door.

"that's our ride," he says.

you go to find daichi waiting outside.

they insist you wait in the car while they load the luggage. you lie down in the backseat and try not to cry.

☾𓆙𓂻

and then you're at the airport and it's, like, three in the morning, and the luggage is unloaded and.

and it's time to say goodbye again.

for some reason, this is worse than it was last year.

you look between the two of them as they share a quick hug and tōru thanks daichi for the ride, and then daichi looks to you and all you can think is, oh, shit.

"bye," you say, and he has the nerve to smile at you.

"what," he jokes, "i get a hug from tōru but not you?"

you can't help but to laugh. "i guess he's your boyfriend now." but something pulls you to him. and you're not resisting it, not even thinking about it, as you step forward and embrace him. you forgot what this felt like.

it only lasts a second, and then he's wishing you a safe flight and you're tugging your bags into the airport, and then you're checking in and going through security and then you're at the gate with an hour to kill before your flight and you're asleep with your head in tōru's lap.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

#haikyuu #haikyū!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu series #sawamura daichi #daichi sawamura #daichi x reader angst #daichi x reader fluff #daichi x reader #tōru oikawa #tooru oikawa #oikawa smut #oikawa fluff #oikawa angst #hehehehe #i'm not 100% sure if this is correct actually #but if yk japanese #umm daichi's gf's name is a bit of ✨foreshadowing✨ #not that it's rly surprising #but yk #fun lil easter egg

[its-nebula]

Kokichi x Motherly!S/O

Please watch him at all times.

No seriously

Watch.

Him.

Someone who has those maternal instincts is honestly what he needs in his life.

Because he WILL get into trouble otherwise.

You have to learn to be patient with him. Very, very, very patient.

Kokichi loves testing this patience of yours. In fact, he makes it into a game for himself.

Everytime your patience runs out with him, he gains a point. It's fun, until it's not.

If he ever feels like you're actually done with him and about to leave him, he will SOB.

"WAAAAAHHH! S/O DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!"

You have to baby him until he's reassured that all is well, then he behaves for like a day.

Kokichi frequently stays up way too late for his own good, thinking of pranks and schemes. You can tell it's taking a toll on him, so you kindly ask him to go to bed on time.

"I'm doing just fine! You worry too much."

God damn it Kokichi.

Now, every night, you make sure he goes to sleep, even if he has to be in the same bed as you.

Though he protests at first, he quickly gives in, because hey, it's a free opportunity for him to lay on your chest and for you to stroke his hair.

He's not gonna complain.

He also never goes hungry around you. If he skips a meal, either by purpose or by accident, you make sure he at least eats something.

"Aww, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you'd have a crush on me~"

...

You're also always coming to his defense. Nobody will hurt your boyfriend; not on your watch.

Once he came to you a little sad, and when you asked why, he started sniffling, rubbing his cheek.

"Kaito...he punched me. I guess I deserved it, huh?"

Oh fuck no.

Immediately, the next time you saw him, you chewed him the HELL out.

Honestly, Kokichi was impressed that you wanted to defend him so badly. He knew he was very mischevious, and you still were loyal to him?

He was speechless.

Maki jumped in to Kaito's defense, claiming Kokichi was being a jerk.

But you loved him. Nobody was allowed to put their hands on your boyfriend, and you were going to defend him until the very end.

After that ordeal, Kokichi felt bad, and he subsided on making trouble as much, just so you didn't always have to jump in.

...but that doesn't mean he completely stopped.

You find yourself always trying to get him out of antics that he gets himself into. One simple prank goes wrong and oh boy.

"Nishishishi~ I am untouchable when I have my S/O by my side~"

...is what he said while you were in a heated argument with Miu about leaving Kokichi alone.

"That little shit came up to me first! What are you, fuckin' braindead?!"

After telling her that you didn't care, to just leave him alone, she scoffed.

"Whatever S/O. Why don't you stop riding his tiny little limp dick already?!"

You pretended you didn't hear her as you dragged Kokichi away from the situation and began lecturing him about getting into trouble.

"I-I'm sorry S/O! I never meant to hurt you! I'M SUCH A TERRIBLE BOYFRIEND!"

Oh god.

More crying.

When he calms down, he wraps you in a very tight hug and gives you a kiss.

"I love you, S/O. I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you."

And that wasn't a lie.

However, if anyone accuses him of being dependent on you, he will deny deny deny.

"Nishishishi~ I am the leader of an evil organization, and you think I need S/O to follow me around all day?"

You honestly find it hilarious because you know the truth.

Kokichi may lie to keep up his "image", but he secretly loves having you around. To him, you're basically home. He feels safe and secure around you, and he always feels bad for taking you for granted.

Your friends commend you for sticking with him for so long, and it always makes you smile.

It's all in a day's work.

#danganronpa x reader #danganronpa #imagine #headcanons #kokichi oma #kokichi x reader #kokichi

[justanisabelakinnie]

I've seen this post of your, and Idk if this is critical thinking or not but I do agree with you on that. However I think people like those characters because of either appearances or ideas around. It's like the whole show and tell thing: We are told that Camilo has identity issues and does impressions to make others happy. We theorized that he only gets validation when he isn't someone else. However we were shown a minor shapeshifter character that says a few funny lines.

Don't get me wrong, I like those ideas because in theory if that was the character we were shown, he would've been a great characters but that's not what we were shown. In reality, I think Camilo and Bruno are overhyped. Overhyped isn't a bad thing, but people treat it like it is because it sounds wrong. Idk why but I would like to share this. I guess I wanna start a discussion on this cause idk if this is critical thinking or just being Captain Obvious.

I agree, I would have liked it if they actually SHOWED Camilo's interests and identity crisis onscreen in some way instead of just going "oh yeah he has one teenagers amirite" and just...telling us he's a theatre kid instead of actually showing it onscreen. Camilo having an identity crisis because of his shapeshifting could be interesting, same with him being a naturally theatrical person. Maybe he's a drama queen who overreacts over the slightest thing? Maybe he's overly emotional/crybabyish and he gets it from his mother and that's why he's a mama's boy? Maybe it's connected to his identity crisis in some way because he gets to play multiple different characters and not have to be himself? Idk. I know they didn't have enough time but that is exactly why the movie could have been longer but oh well budget I guess. It's just that fandom misogyny is definitely a part of why they are so overhyped, like you said. I completely agree with you. But nobody wants to talk about it.

Bruno at least has development and a reason to be popular, though even he is overhyped too just like Camilo. My intention was never at all to say "stop liking these characters, if you like Camilo and Bruno, you are sexist" but it's embarrassing that I even have to say this because it's the only way these people will listen: if you placate them and tell them what they want to hear. Just consider why it is these two particular characters who are popular. Especially since most of the reasons they say they like them is because of things that apply to the female characters as well, especially Bruno. Mirabel also felt like the black sheep, Mirabel also had a good relationship with her mom, Isabela and Luisa also felt like their gifts were a burden, Luisa especially felt like she was nothing without it. So it makes me wonder(not) why people latch onto the two male characters for having qualities that the female ones do too, and then sleeping on and villainizing them whenever they get the chance.

It's very critical thinking and I'm glad you sent this into my starved little inbox. ;( I really wish this was more talked about, and hopefully that this led to people focusing more on appreciating the real center and surprisingly unsung heroes of the movie's plot: the women. 

EDIT: FTA that someone on YouTube legit fucking told me that “Mirabel is too loud and expressive to be interesting and her design is less impressive than Dolores’ and Camilo’s. :/” YOU GET WHAT THE FUCK YOU DESERVE FOR SAYING THAT SHIT no but all jokes aside I don’t even know what to make of this anymore. 

#encanto #encanto fandom #encanto fandom salt #isabela madrigal #luisa madrigal #mirabel madrigal #pepa madrigal #julieta madrigal #camilo madrigal #bruno madrigal #feminism #and i'm not saying that identity crises aren't a common thing that happens in adolescence #but i feel like it's more about being a shapeshifter than being a teenager since mirabel and luisa don't seem to have one #but it could be both idk #fandom misogyny #fandom sexism #fandom androcentrism #misogyny #sexism #androcentrism #female characters #female representation #women of encanto #the girls of encanto deserve better #villainization of female characters #simply-ash-drawing #thanks for the ask btw! #identity cirsis

[dabiboy]

Here is part 2! Tbh I want to see more about Natsu's and Rei's reaction, and of course what is going to happen with Dabi, so enjoy the cliffhanger 👀 let me know if you'd like to be tagged!

Part 1

Rencounter [Part 2/?]

Two weeks ago

"Dabi?'' You said in surprise as you opened the door and he stepped into your apartment, ''I thought you were not coming until next week''

''We need to talk, y/n'' He said, not even looking at you. You walked towards him once the door was closed.

''Is everything all right?'' When you were facing him, you lifted a hand to caress his cheek but he abruptly pulled away.

''Stop that, for fuck's sake. Stop that.'' Your jaw dropped slightly, he was usually rough but that rough?

''Stop what?'' You asked in disbelief, moving your hand to its previous position.

''All of this, us'' You noticed how he clenched his jaw and then his blue eyes were right over yours ''This needs to be over, y'hear me?''

''What?'' You asked with a smile, a smile that was there because you thought he was joking, but when he didn't laugh you knew he was not faking it ''You're kidding, right?''

''I'm not kidding. This? You and I? Can't keep happening anymore. And thank me I came all the way here and not just fucking disappear from your life from one day to another.''

''I can't believe this, Dabi. Why? Yesterday you texted me, things were fine and I-'' He cut you off, not even paying attention to the tears in your eyes, or the confusion and pain in your voice.

''I was not made for this, I can't just be here and play the happy little couple with you. So fuck all of this.'' He turned over and started walking to the door again ''Sorry for making you waste your time'' And right then, getting out of the frozen state you grabbed his wrist, making him look at you over his shoulder.

''You're not leaving until you give me a reason,'' Holding back the tears, you spoke ''What the hell? Yesterday you sent me a text telling me that you loved me, that you cared about me and now this?''

''Can't you fucking see it, then?'' He scoffed, turning around again ''I care about you more than I should, y/n. And the only thing I'm doing is dragging you down with me, it is better if I leave.''

''We... We had this type of conversation before, and I already told you that-''

''Told me what? That you'll stay with me until the end? My end is near, and if I don't go to jail I'll die and drag everyone down with me.'' He raised his voice. ''Get away from me, move on. Get a fucking life, one that's better than the shit I give you''

''You don't give me shit, Dabi. I love you, everything about you and how you are when you're with me'' It was impossible to hold back the tears that were escaping from your eyes at that point.

''You think I haven't noticed? How you look at couples in the street? Or the way you smile at the screen when you see your friends sharing their damn life, getting engaged, having kids, moving together. I can't even take you out for a fucking coffee'' He snapped.

''I never asked you any of that! I smile because I'm happy for them, not because I want their lives!'' You snapped to. Why was it so hard for him to understand? ''I'm not planning getting married, either having kids. I don't want the world to know, I give a fuck about posting pictures and stories on Instagram, I just want to enjoy my time with you!''

''You're not enjoying it! You are worried all the fucking time, let me go! Forget about me, get you someone who gives you what you deserve!'' If he could cry, tears would be running down his cheeks as well. ''I'm broken, I'm cursed. I look like a fucking zombie, y/n. Get the fuck away from me before we both go down.'' Dabi said in between his teeth as he hit the table with his fist.

''Listen, I know you. I know you're not a role model, I know you've killed people and done even worse. I'm not romanticizing those actions, they're wrong as fuck but guess what, this society is wrong too. All that Enji did to you? How some actions are done by heroes are hidden? All the pain you went through? All of this is fucked up. But guess what, I fell for you, for the one I knew under all of that pain'' You almost yelled, feeling your eyes burning because of the tears and your heart racing.

''Oh you do? Sorry to break it up to you, but I'm nothing but a monster, a villain who doesn't regret his actions, and will not regret them.''

''The monster that tells me how much he loves me when he thinks I fell asleep? Or the one that plays with my hair when I'm sad?'' Dabi was silent ''Is that the monster you're talking about?''

''Y/n...'' Dabi denied ''You're not getting this. I might hurt you, and I don't want that.''

''You won't. I'm a grown woman, I know where I am standing, and I want to keep standing by your side. ''And I also know you might die soon, so please, don't push me away. Not now'' This time your voice was low, your chin trembling. You felt how his hand pulled you from your nape, making your forehead rest against his. It was his gesture, the one he used to do when he wanted to say he loved you but he couldn't, the one when thanked you for anything, or the one when he wanted just to be close to you but was too ashamed to ask.

''Are you sure about this?'' He whispered ''Are you sure you want to burn with me?'' Dabi's eyes were closed, clenching his teeth as he resisted the urge to kiss you and hold you in his arms.

''Today, tomorrow, and always'' You whispered back, caressing his cheek with your thumb as you sobbed.

............................................

Present time

Crickets and the sound of leaves against branches were the only sound filling the room, that and two lovers' breathing. You used one finger to trace Dabi's chest, drawing imaginary figures on his chest. The side of your body was holding your weight as you kept looking at him under the blueish light. Once you got tired, you pressed a soft kiss on his shoulder and lay down by his side, one hand on his abdomen and your face nuzzled against his neck.

''So you were really willing to burn with me'' He said suddenly, a raspy and tired voice.

''I told you I was'' You said, and then lifted your eyes at him ''How are you feeling?''

''Like shit'' He said, and then looked at the door ''y/n,'' he said in a low voice, still looking at the door ''Are they here?''

''Yes, they are.'' You said softly, having no idea how to approach that topic.

''What a lovely family meeting'' He chuckled and then coughed. ''This is so fucked up'' Dabi said again, moving his head to the side so it could rest on your temple.

''How can you still be an idiot even in this state?'' you said a little amused

''It is just who I am, doll. Can't help it y'know'' you felt a bit coldness in the hand that was on his abdomen, and it were the staples he had on his hand when he grabbed yours and squeezed it tightly.

Meanwhile, outside the room was someone watching every move. Her eyes were filled with tears, should she run over the man laying there or should she just wait? Rei thought that the second option suited best. His first son, the one who was wounded as much as physically and mentally looked in peace while laying next to the woman he loved. She had waited over years, a few hours more were fine. But what was Rei supposed to say to him? Was he going to hate her? Hate Natsu? Dabi was unpredictable, and his reaction had her worried. Maybe she was better at the hospital, isolated from all of that, but she already left her son on his own once, and now she had the chance to at least say sorry.

An hour passed, and you could tell Dabi was asleep again because of the rhythm of his chest, rising and falling slowly. His mouth was slightly open and his traits looked more relaxed. You left a kiss on his cheek before getting up, making your way towards the kitchen. Rei was standing in front of the window with a blanket over her shoulders, but she looked at you when your footsteps were louder.

''Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt'' You said with a small smile.

''You didn't'' She replied, looking calmer than you expected ''Is Tou-''She cut herself ''Is he okay?''  

''Yes, he's sleeping right now. But tomorrow he'll be better, I think'' You smiled at her. It was hard to find the words, but just when you were about to say something, a male voice interrupted.

''Mother?'' Natsu asked, rubbing his eye with the side of his hand. ''Is everything ok?''

''Yeah, we were just speaking'' Rei said.

''Oh, I'm y/n by the way.'' You said looking at the two of them ''It is not the best way to meet but, here we are'' you shrugged your shoulders. ''I... I need to go to the village tomorrow to get some things, so... You can stay with him in the morning and, you know. I don't want to interrupt you'' you knew his story, and they had a lot to talk about.

''Maybe it is better if you're here. I haven't seen much but you're important to him, so probably he'll feel better if you're here''

The truth behind his words and Rei's agreement on Natsu's statement was that they were not sure what to do or how to act with him on their own.  When Dabi was having hallucinations earlier, he recognized you. Rei saw you and him laying together, and she heard that tiny piece of conversation that told her you were important to him, someone he cared about. After saying that you were going to try and arrive earlier tomorrow so you can be there once Dabi's was awake, you gave them a smile so you could return to the room you were sharing with Dabi.

You lay back down, and you could felt how he moved and held you by the waist, pressing his chest against your torso, forehead against forehead as his hand was on your nape, using his thumb to caress the zone.

''Dabi! You're hurt, lay how you were'' You said worried, not even moving.

''I've been worse. Now shut up and just stay here'' Dabi mumbled, his scent and breathing close so close to you making you feel at home.

''Fine, you whining kid'' you laughed and heard him let out a low chuckle ''Do you need anything before I fall asleep?'' You asked, moving your fingers on his chest.

''A can of beer, maybe. Or you going down on me. Maybe you going down on my as I drink beer, that shit would be nice'' He said with a smile, making you laugh again.

''I'm serious, Dabi. Water? something for the pain?'' You asked again.

''I'm fine, dollface. Just keep your ass here by my side and don't go''

''Guess I could do that''

''You better''

You knew it. The way he held you, his snarky comments to avoid an answer, his hand on your nape, and silence. He was not Ok, he needed you there because he didn't know how to handle things at that point. His mother and brother were there, he saw them for brief seconds but it felt weird. His hate was against Endeavor, even against Shoto, but his mom? She was just another victim, and Natsu? He was there to hear him, to be a kind of support for him, how could he give them the same treatment as Endeavor? Those questions were screaming inside his head, and as they were becoming louder, the tighter he was holding you against his body.

Time kept moving, and before any of you could notice,

Morning came.

...................................

Tag list: @mikasackrmann @babayaga67 @sociallyanxiousmouse @peculiarinsomniac @makeusfreefromthisfandom

#bnha+dabi #dabi #bnha dabi #dabi x reader #boku no hero academia #dabi headcanons #dabi imagine #mha dabi #Spotify

[skywalkersthelimit]

Okay so I'm super nervous to post this but I wrote this one-shot for the #trikey fandom. Ive had this idea for awhile but I finally got around to writing it. It's based off the song Lips of an angel by Hinder. I think its perfect for Michael and Trevor lol so please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!

Honey, why are you calling me so late?

It’s kinda hard to talk right now 

Honey, why are you crying, is everything okay? 

I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud 

Michael woke up to his phone ringing on his bedside table. He knew who it was before he even looked. He didn’t know how or why because it could have been a number of people. He reached over and grabbed the phone. His eyes squinted from the bright light. Trevor. He was both glad and disappointed he was right but he supposed he might have willed it to be. His thoughts had been filled with his crew mate, best friend and sometimes more, but that was before Amanda and the kids. Well that wasn’t entirely true. Every time they went on a job together, they fell into each other as soon as they were alone in their hotel room. Michael just couldn’t help himself. 

It had been a few months since he had seen Trevor though. He tried to put distance between them. He knew that Trevor had a hard time just sleeping together on occasions and understanding Michael had a family to go home to. Michael wanted nothing more than for his friend to be happy but he just couldn’t be the one to give it to him.

He stared as the phone rang and debated answering but he pictured Trevor’s face the last time he had seen him with tears rolling down his face, begging Michael to stay. His heart clenched and he answered.

“Hello?” he whispered. He looked over at Amanda still sleeping. He had to be quiet. He didn't want to wake her and have her find out who he was talking to. He didn’t feel like fighting tonight. 

“Hey." Trevor’s voice rang out on the other side of the phone. 

“Jesus, Trev. Do you know what time it is?” He flinched as the words left his mouth. He didn’t mean to sound upset but he did. 

Trevor laughed dryly. 

“Oh I’m sorry, Princess. Am I interrupting your beauty sleep? I thought I might call my best friend who hasn’t talked to me in months” he said coldly. 

“Trevor, if you want to talk you can call and you can call during the day.” Amanda moved next to him. He had to be quiet. 

“Works both ways. If you wanted to talk you would have called. But you didn’t.” His voice cracked and ended in a broken sob. Michael hated himself a little more. 

“T, why are you crying? Is everything okay?” he whispered. He wished he was there with Trevor right now. He would pull him into his arms and hold him until the tears stopped like he always did. 

“Speak up M. I cant hear you" 

“I have to be quiet or I’ll wake up-" he let his sentence go unfinished, trying to be careful not to set T off. 

“Ah, of course. Wouldn’t want to wake the Mrs. I’ll let you go." He could hear the anger, the jealousy, the sadness, and the pain in Trevor’s voice. 

“No!” he said rather loudly. He snapped over to look at Amanda, who just turned over on her side away from him. He sighed. “Don’t go. Just- Hang on.” He got out of bed quietly and snuck out the room. He grabbed his cigarettes off the counter and sat down on the couch, lighting one up and taking a deep inhale and exhale. He wasn't supposed to smoke in the house, but fuck it. 

Well, my girl's in the next room

Sometimes I wish she was you

I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name

It sounds so sweet

Coming from the lips of an angel

Hearing those words - it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye

But, girl, you make it hard to be faithful

With the lips of an angel

“Now tell me what’s going on, Trev. I can't be too loud. Mandy and the kids are in the other room asleep" he explained. 

“I-I don’t know. I just needed to hear your voice.” Trevor replied quietly, his voice soft and tight like he was trying to stop himself from crying. Michael wondered what had him so upset. He had heard he had a boyfriend of sorts from Lester and apparently they’ve been doing jobs together for L since Michael saw T last. When L told him, he saw red. He got wasted and wound up outside screaming and crying at the night sky. Trevor was his, but he wasn't and he never would be. He didn’t want to but he hoped Trevor was calling to tell him he left that guy and to ask when Michael was coming back to work, to him. There was also a chance Trevor was calling because he was drunk and cranked out. Either due to said guy or something else or even for the hell of it. He might be in trouble or lying somewhere drugged out.

“Is it that guy you’re with?” Michael realized how incredibly jealous he sounded but maybe he was. Maybe he missed being on the road, never staying in one place too long. Maybe he missed the thrill of the job, and maybe he missed looking over in the middle of a heist and grinning at Trevor who was grinning just as hard back. Maybe he missed pulling Trevor into a hard kiss as soon as their hotel door shut and having the most passionate nights of his life, and then falling asleep in his lover’s arms. Maybe he even missed the times they just sat on the bed and talked for hours about any and everything. Maybe sometimes he wished it was Trevor who was in the other room, waiting for him to come back to bed. 

“How-how do you even know about that?” Trevor asked, sounding surprised. 

“Lester.” 

“Of fucking course. Well not that it’s any of your business but he's asleep. It ain’t like he’s my boyfriend or anything. You know I ain’t they settling type. There’s only one exception. Fuck. I miss you, Mikey.” He sobbed. 

“Trev-" 

“It's okay. I understand. It’s just so good to hear your voice, Mikey.” There goes that nickname again. A nickname only Trevor called him. A nickname that sounded so sweet coming from Trevor’s lips. Like an angel. A fallen angel maybe. 

“It's really good to hear your voice too T. Mikey. That’s a name I haven't heard in awhile” he said fondly. 

“What, too good to be called Mikey anymore?” T said annoyed. 

“No, not at all. Although you are the only one who calls me that, but I like it.” He felt his cheeks flush and his heart flutter as he spoke. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Now tell me what’s going on please."

“When are you gonna do a job? It’s been months. We miss you out there. I miss you. I-I need you, Mikey. Please come back to me. I can't stop thinking about you. You haunt me every waking moment, and even in my dreams. Do you dream of me?” Hearing those words made Michael feel weak. He almost told Trevor he was on his way, grabbed his car keys and left without a second thought, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t leave his children. He might do a few jobs now and then but he wouldn’t choose that life over them. No matter how bad he craved it, craved him.

It's funny that you're calling me tonight

And, yes, I've dreamt of you too

And does he know you're talking to me?

Will it start a fight?

No, I don't think she has a clue

“Trevor, I-I want to be there. You know I do, but I got Tracey and Jimmy to think about, but I think about you too. All the time. Especially lately. It’s funny you called. And yeah, I’ve dreamt of you too T.” He didn’t know why he was being so open about this, about whatever it was between them, but hearing how broken Trevor sounded and how it matched how he felt inside, he knew they both needed to hear it. To hear that Michael cared about him, that he missed Trevor just as much as he missed him. 

“Oh yeah? What’d you dream about, cowboy?” he asked and Michael could picture his thick eyebrows wagging. He laughed, genuinely laughed. Something he hadn’t done since the last time he saw Trevor. 

“It wasn’t like that. Well not all like that.” Now it was Trevor’s turn to laugh. 

“Tell me.” He told Michael. 

“We were in a nice house, our house. We were happy.” He whispered, afraid of the way his dream made him feel. He didn’t want to dream of Trevor, of their future that would never be. He wished he could let Trevor go, but he didn’t think he ever fully would. 

“It doesn’t have to be a dream, Mikey. The kids can be in your life, our life.” Trevor pleaded. Michael had to change the subject before he agreed. 

“What about that guy you've been seeing? Does he know you’re talking to me? Won't he get mad?” 

"I told you he's not my boyfriend. I don't care if he gets mad, but no, he doesn't know I'm talking to you. He doesn't know anything about you except you're the great Michael Townley, expert thief. He actually wants to meet you." Trevor laughed dryly at that. "What about Amanda? Does she know you're talking to me? Does she know anything?" 

Does she know anything, meaning does she know when Michael goes away to work he all but forgets about her? Does she know that his nights with Trevor are filled with more passion than their whole marriage has ever seen? Does she know that Michael's heart will never fully belong to her?

"No, no I don't think she has a clue, Trev." He sighed. The guilt constantly ate at him and he tried so hard to be the husband she deserved, the father his children deserved, but he never would me. He belonged to the game, to Trevor, but it didn't matter. How he felt didn't matter, couldn't matter. He would push his feelings down to the bottom of his heart with a smile. 

"Mikey. I miss you so much. So much it hurts. I can't get you out of head, out of my heart. I've tried drugs and alcohol. I've tried fucking anyone in sight and even getting a wannabe you, but nothing works. I've tried telling myself you're better off with her, but you're not. You're miserable and so am I. Please just do the best thing for you, for us." He begged through sobs. Michael could hardly make out what he was saying.

He felt tears rolling down his face. He felt Trevor's words stab his soul. He tried to drown Trev out too. He drank so much even he was worried. He smoked several packs of cigarettes a day. He went to strip clubs almost every night and almost every time he brought one of the girls to his car or a hotel for a quick fuck. He just wanted to feel numb, to never know the pain of loving someone you could never be with. What was that saying? It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He wasn't sure if he agreed, but inevitably he did. He would feel this pain a thousand times just to know what it was like to love and be loved by this man. What it felt like to lay in his arms as he rubbed his back and kissed his head. He couldn't give that up. He wasn't ready for that. 

"I'm gonna call Lester tomorrow and get a job set up. I'll let you know where to go. Everything will be okay. I'll see you in a few days. I promise. Okay?" 

"Yeah okay, but what about-" Michael cut him off. 

"We'll talk about everything then." He knew he was lying and Trevor probably did too. They both knew he would never be able to leave his family and that pretty little white lies would have to suffice them. 

"Okay Mikey, I'll see you in a few days. And you better show up" he threatened, half jokingly. 

"I'll be there, Trev. And Trev?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Next time call me during the day" he said chuckling. 

"Yes princess. See ya soon Mikey." He said before hanging up. 

Trevor just makes it too hard to be faithful and Michael was weak. 

#trikey #michael de santa #trevor philips #gta v #Spotify

[rwbyremnants]

CHAPTER WARNINGS: Hard convos and fluff (and awkward almost-incesty feelings)

Getting pretty close to the end! Also I started writing a new project - I know I know, I'm not even done posting this and Princess And The Dragons! Believe me there's just a ton of fics I could keep posting for all eternity, but they're all a complete mess (except the 2 I'm working on posting now). I might hit the fuck it point and post a few of them without doing any editing or rereading to make sure they make any sense. Yay for all that information nobody asked for!

=Chapter 10

A few months passed. Ruby had no further contact with Winter after she drove away from her, apart from one message she asked Penny to send, establishing that she no longer wanted to continue their arrangement. No more sessions, no more visits to the club, nothing. Even the casual texts had stopped, or the occasional silly snaps back and forth of each other's day; it was like they had never met. Strangers.

Then came an occasion she was dreading. There were other family gatherings she had managed to bow out of – anything to avoid awkward contact again out of fear of embarrassing herself; but this wasn't one she could squirm her way out of so easily. Weiss's birthday. She would never want to avoid her idol's celebration, especially not when she was specially invited! Dodging that one would also raise suspicion, and make it far more obvious that she was avoiding something to the other guests.

Plus, she didn't want to hurt her any more than she already had. Her guilt was too heavy. Time to bite the bullet and say hello.

All she could do was mentally prepare while she was out shopping with Yang, looking for an ideal present with her wife. She had promised that she would look after whatever she bought so Weiss didn't find it; at least that was a promise she could keep without anyone getting hurt.

"Hey, how about a cute little pony?"

When Ruby looked over, she saw Yang was holding up some kind of rainbow-painted porcelain horse tchotchke. She practically welcomed the distraction, no matter how mundane. Raising an eyebrow, she laughed, "Oh God, are you gonna turn her into one of those kooky nerds who has a billion of those?"

"Well… no…" Putting it back, Yang sighed and looked around. "But I'm totally drawing a blank this year. You know she's the one who's good at picking out gifts, and I just… suck ass."

Still trying to distract herself, Ruby smirked back toward her, walking a couple of steps backward to keep their pace in the store. "She told me enough times she liked what you got her last year. You know… the 'banana'?" If she wasn't going to be able to distract herself with small goods, she could by embarrassing her favourite sister. "She tells me everything when she gets drunk, unfortunately."

Ducking her blonde head, her big sister groaned and muttered, "God, Weiss… why can't you handle your booze?" She cleared her throat and spoke up to say, "But I don't wanna get her another 'toy' this time. I want it to be something sweet. Y'know, romantic and shit."

"Oooh…" That didn't give Ruby all too much to work with. While Yang and Weiss were definitely happy together, even she knew romance wasn't Yang's strong point. Aside from throwing herself in the path of an explosion that time a few years ago, the closest she had gotten was buying flowers on one occasion; only to get rid of them when they discovered Weiss was allergic. That was a story she wouldn't let her live down.

"Well, what kinds of things has she been into lately? Anything she mentions in passing or something?"

"Um… music? Frilly dresses and expensive perfume? Marrying the worst girlfriend in the world?" Sighing, she leaned back against a shelving unit full of lawn gnomes and hung her head. "I'll just get her another Victoria's Secret gift card."

"Doesn't that kinda count as a present for yourself? Just saying…" But Yang's phrasing didn't sit well in Ruby's own mind. Sure, she didn't know what sorts of presents were romantic and usually ended up with a cop-out gift, but at least she wasn't hurting anyone in the process of that. The worst girlfriend award for sure went to Ruby Rose. "And we both know she has the better of the Xiao Long-Rose sisters, so don't say you're the worst, dork."

"Does not! You're the real prize, and Penny is so lucky! Geeze, if you weren't with her, I'd be beating guys and girls off you with a stick!"

Even if it was meant positively, Ruby wasn't particularly in the mood to play along. Instead, she shrugged her shoulders reluctantly as she wandered out of the store, walking aimlessly in the direction of a jeweller’s. "Nah, I'm lucky to even have Penny. Don't even know how she puts up with me sometimes."

After a moment, Yang followed. She took so long to respond that by then, Ruby assumed she had forgotten the topic. Then…

"Okay, spill. What's been up with you the past couple months?"

"H-huh?" Even if it was a question she should have expected, she was taken aback, instantly finding herself on the defensive. "N-nothing! I was just saying that Penny's good for putting up with me, that's all!"

"Yeah, but you and Penny never fight. She hasn't seemed unhappy being with you or anything like that, at all." Folding her arms over her ample chest, she demanded, "So what's up, Rubes? Spill – unless you want me to tickle it out of you."

No getting out of that not-so-idle threat, no matter how much she tried. And even if Yang didn’t tickle her, she would be like a dog with a bone. Sighing, she looked downward sadly, still idly pacing around in the hope either of them would see something of interest for Weiss.

"It's not Penny and me that have had issues. We're fine. Our relationship's been pretty solid for a while…" When she stopped in front of the bracelets, she debated where to begin, whether or not to tell the story. In the end… "But… I’m, uh…"

Sensing this was big, Yang slid an arm around Ruby's shoulders. "You can tell me anything. If you could handle me coming out and transitioning, I can handle whatever's bugging you."

In the end, that tilted the scales. Yang deserved to know, since she had always been so open with her. At the same time, she didn't need to know who it was. The thought of that conversation coming to light certainly wasn't a good one given Yang's past with Winter.

"You know Penny and I don't… y'know, that often. So, um, Penny let me go out and see someone else, purely for sex. It worked out so great at first, me and this other girl had an amazing connection… but I had to go and ruin it."

For a moment, all Yang could do was blink in surprise. "Whoa, really? Never thought of you as a 'side chick' kinda girl." She hastily added, "But that's cool! I mean, if you have needs and Penny's okay with it, why the hell not?"

"Yeah, heh… I guess." Scratching the back of her head nervously, she couldn't look Yang in the eye anymore. The situation was too sensitive. "But it got deeper than that. Penny and I talked about it as well, and… and we realised that I was falling for this other girl the same way as Penny. Which she felt, too. But then… then I said some really stupid stuff and made a huge mess."

"Falling for both of them?" But of course, Yang had mostly been saying that to confirm it to herself. Blinking a few more times, she then asked, "What kinda stuff? Like, maybe it wasn't as bad as you thought."

"L-like…" There was the awkward part; she didn't know how to word what was happening without possibly outing either Winter or Qrow. Sighing in frustration, she looked back up. "Okay imagine if, I mean just imagine here – you're about to confess your feelings to Weiss for the first time, but then when you're just about to, you find out she's been sleeping with… with Dad or someone as close as that. Y-you'd be shocked, right? Shocked enough to really hurt her feelings on accident?"

For a long moment, Yang just tried to process the very idea being put across to her. Then she burst out, "Dad's been banging your side-chick?!"

"No!!!" Quickly slapping a hand to her forehead, she groaned out in frustration; one that had a couple of people turning to look at them. "I said 'someone as close as', not Dad himself! But that's not the point, anyway!" Looking around some more of the various watches and charm bracelets, Ruby sighed again. "I was yelling at her how if she cared she would have told me, because that was happening before I started hooking up with her, and during. And like, she knew this person was close to me! And I ended up… ended up learning I'd hurt her on other occasions without meaning to. Bad."

This time, Yang took even longer to respond. They both went back to looking over the things in the displays, picking them up and putting them down. Neither really paying much attention to what they were seeing.

"This, um…" Yang held up a tennis bracelet with a musical note dangling from it. "Is this dumb? I… think she could like it, but I, um…"

Again, Ruby welcomed the distraction. As much as she needed advice for what to do next, she much preferred to ignore the subject and keep burying her head in the sand. "That is super cute, actually. Maybe you can get another little snowflake charm for it too?"

"Ooh, that's a good idea… let me know if you find anything like that. Or maybe a star, because…" Her voice got quieter as she added, "She's my star."

Despite Yang having meant it genuinely, Ruby only saw her usual attitude of pun making and groaned again. "That was sooooo bad, international superstar. But stars and snowflakes, got it."

"Y-yeah," Yang replied with a feigned laugh. Clearly she had thought that was really romantic and it fell flat.

They both dug through the display for a little while longer, and Yang did eventually find a snowflake. Ruby was still hunting for a star when she walked back over. Clearly her mind was preoccupied.

"Um… hey Ruby?"

"Hmm?" Noticing that Yang had found what she wanted, she turned back to the display a moment to look longer. "Still can't find a star… Do you mind if it's a typical one? Or do you want a more… what? Something wrong?"

"The typical one is fine, we dug through most of 'em." Then she cleared her throat and tried to sound unconcerned as she asked, "So, were you, uh, maybe, kinda… sleeping with Blake?"

That'd made Ruby drop the small charm she had picked up, which bounced and rolled under one of the displays before she could catch it. At least it was one of the cheapest ones. "Oh, shoot! Noooo!"

“Those things are dime a dozen. C’mon, I asked you a serious question.”

She looked back around to her sister reluctantly. "No, not Blake. I mean, she said she thinks I'm cute before, but also said she would never want to because of your past. Kinda... crossing the streams, or whatever."

"Okay," she sighed in relief. "Whew! Just… you know, I noticed you guys were kinda hanging out sometimes, and… like, I never for sure thought you were, but that’s the only obvious guess I have."

Breathing with relief, Ruby laughed nervously with her. "T-that's fine! Nah, she and Sun seem to be exclusive to each other, from what I know, at least."

Under her breath, Yang muttered, "She's said that one before…" Then she cleared her throat and said, "Okay, Ruby. Whatever went on between you and whoever… it sounds like you were going past just bumping uglies and into really caring about each other. Weren't you?"

"H-hey, it wasn't like-!" But as much as she wanted to deny it, Yang was right; that was the simplest way to put it. Looking downward, she mumbled, "Yeah… we were."

"But… she's also doing stuff with someone really close to you, and it kinda gives you the 'this room is too crowded' vibe?" When Ruby didn't answer, she sighed and ran a hand through her bangs. "Whoo. That's rough."

"She’s also roommates with this person," Ruby added. It seemed like a major detail to leave in given the situation. Pacing to the other displays, she explained in more detail. "I'm not really mad about that anymore, I guess… I'm more mad that I hurt her. Not just by yelling at her about that, but that I left before talking it though. And that I hurt her before all this ugliness and didn't even know I did."

"God… and you were just gonna walk around with all this weighing you down?" Reaching over, she tousled Ruby's hair until it was a messy brown-and-red mop. It was one of the few things she had done when she was Ying that still lingered, even with how much she had changed before Ruby's eyes as they both grew up.

"Sis, I can only work with the facts I got. From where I'm standing… it sounds like this, um, person is worth it to you to go out on a limb for. I’ve been watching you moping around the past few months, and it's like… like something's missing inside you. And maybe your hookup isn't what you need, or maybe she- they are, and… I think you owe it to both of you to try. Just… I don't know, talk to ‘em again. Be chill and see where it goes."

"How?" she asked desperately with a little shrug. "How can I be 'chill' about it when I more or less said 'fuck you and what you've been through' to her face? Like… okay, it wasn't those exact words, sure; but the message was the same."

Though Yang did wince at the implication of saying something like that to someone, she gripped Ruby's shoulder. Unfortunately, due to her ignorance of the topic, her phrasing was less than ideal. "Hey, so you messed up in a… not small way. Sometimes to get what you want, you gotta eat a little crow."

Which was rather noticeable, given that she immediately shut her eyes tightly at the remark. "GOD I'd rather not hear 'Crow' and 'Eat' in the same sentence, you have no idea…"

But whether Ruby liked it or not, her sister was completely right. The problem wasn't going to be solved by hiding from each other; they needed to talk. To apologise, say their piece, and learn. Even if they ended up still avoiding each other after, the least they could do was try.

Apparently, Yang had been trying to talk to her all along, because she finally said, "Yooo, you in there, little Ruby? Big sis calling!" Then a fist was knocking on the top of her head, albeit lightly.

"GAH!" Flinching as soon as her head was touched, she nearly managed to knock the bracelet from Yang's hand! But right away she composed herself again, scratching her head. "S-sorry… I spaced. What were you saying?"

"I was saying that we should probably check out," Yang laughed easily, beaming her usual confident smile down at Ruby. "This bracelet's kinda lame, but it's literally the only idea I've had all day that doesn't make me wanna hurl myself into a volcano."

Ruby could only smile back, handing over the small star charm she had unearthed. "I actually think it's really cute, she'll love it."

But just after they'd finished checking out and re-entered the mall complex, Ruby was attempting to get some information of her own. She had been wanting to for a while, but didn't know how without raising suspicion. As naturally she could, she asked, "So… who's coming to the party? Me, Penny… who else?"

"Oh, well you know. Family people. Plus FNKI is supposed to be there, and Blake and Sun." Pointing, she asked, "Smoothies? My treat, for helping me out with this."

"Yeah, I guess smoothies wouldn’t break the bank," Ruby laughed, following her big sis. "Family people… so Dad, Jacques… Winter…?"

With a slow drawl, Yang answered, "Riiiight. That's who family is. Oh, I don't know if Uncle Qrow RSVP'd yet or not; he was invited. But Dad's gonna be there for sure." Then she looked suspiciously at Ruby. "Unless there's a problem with Dad being there…?"

"Why would I have a problem with Da-" But given the rather serious look, Ruby rolled her eyes. "Look, Dad was an example. This friend isn't actually sleeping with Dad. If she was, he would be living in the house with them, cause they are roommates with the person, remember? And no, it’s not Penny, and it’s really not me."

"Well yeah, I guess. Just double-checking, okay?" When Ruby still seemed irritated, she sighed and said, "Okay, I won't ask who's who again. I get it, this is sensitive. But… I do hope you get whatever's going on squared away. And promise me you won't sit on it until too much time went by, and now you feel like you can't speak up. Please?"

Eyebrows furrowing, Ruby looked up to her sister anxiously. She was genuinely worried about her… and had good reason to be, given what she had to deal with a few years ago; of course now that a somewhat similar situation presented itself, even if only affecting her sister, she would be on edge. But not wanting to let on how truly she was bothered by this, Ruby instead looked at the smoothie menu.

"Get me a banana and blueberry smoothie and it's a deal."

But all Yang groaned in response was, "Do you have to pick 'banana'? I'm already embarrassed enough about that as it is!"

----------------------------------------

"…but she’s been saying she wants to eat more organic, so I figured, buying some vegetable plant seeds could be an idea; something to do with little Fèn once she gets older, also. Not such a boring present, is it?"

Winter’s father had offered to drive her to her sister’s birthday party to both spare her sobriety and cab fare. He insisted strongly, despite her reluctance to be in his company. In recent days, that seemed to be worryingly common; for her to be alone or seem a little more uptight and serious than usual. Even if he had never mentioned it, her father certainly noticed.

And when noticing she still wasn't particularly listening on this occasion, he cleared his throat. "S-so… Amber couldn't come. She had something with her own family she couldn't miss, so you and Weiss will have to meet her properly another time."

"Hmm? Oh, yes… that's wonderful, Father." It was a stock answer. Winter would normally have offered up something a lot more in-depth and pointed, but it seemed she still wasn't up to the task.

In fact, she had spent most of the past months avoiding any time alone with her father. Not that he would know why. Not that they never talked, but their discussions had been fewer and further between ever since he told her about Amber. Poor Jacques. The only cause he could think of was the possibility that Winter didn't like his flowering relationship. And no wonder; no one would like to hear their parent had moved on, much less such details.

While they were at a red light, he looked around to her, asking, "You… aren't mad at me for dating again, are you?"

"What?" she asked, roused from her reverie. "No, not at all… oh, Father, I'm sorry. My mind is just elsewhere." Frowning over at him, she told him as earnestly as she could, "I didn't mean to make you think I disapprove of Amber."

There was a wave of relief, and right away he swept the sweat from his brow. "Phew! You had me worried there! Last thing I wanted to do was make you or Weiss feel uncomfortable." As the light turned green, his attention returned to the road, but he didn't drop the subject. "Then what is wrong, dear? You've seemed off for a long time now."

"Have I?" she asked, trying to sound as convincing as she could. She shifted in her seat, trying to find a more comfortable position. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Well, you have been a little," he admitted. "So, if it's not Amber… what is it? Is there something I should be concerned about? Have I done anything to upset you?"

"No, nothing," she answered immediately. There was no way she could ever tell him why she was so uncomfortable in his presence now - especially since it was getting easier to manage a little at a time. So she had to distract him, and she could only find one topic that would adequately excuse her standoffishness without making her poor father feel worse. "Just… I was beginning to think I might have found an 'Amber' of my own. But the relationship fell through before I could figure that part out."

"Oooohh… so, it's relationship trouble." While it was a better assumption than the whole truth, it was still awkward for old Jacques Schnee. He wasn't used to talking to his daughters in such circumstances until a couple of years ago, so the advice was always rusty. Still, he tried. "There's always more fish in the sea, even if you have to swim a little further out, I suppose. I know you get out more than I do, I'm sure you'll find a nice… girl, to settle down with someday."

Laughing weakly, Winter crossed her legs in the opposite direction, hoping against hope that it would abate her discomfort. No such luck. "Doubtful. I just don't feel that kind of connection with people. Not until…" Did she dare confirm? "Until she came along."

"I see… the one that got away, hmm?" Given the silence, that was also confirmed. While it wasn't as easy for him as it would be talking to a son about this sort of thing, he tried his best to treat her in the same way he would a son, and cleared his throat. "Girls are very mysterious. One minute you think you have them figured out, the next, you're back to square one. Or in your case, square zero. Of course, you know that, being a woman yourself." Scratching his head nervously, he tried to continue, "But what I'm saying is, don't bet all your money on one horse. If it's not meant to be, it won't happen. If it is, things will… well, they'll find a way to work."

"But I wasn't putting money on any horse," she sighed. "My feelings came as a complete surprise to me; I wasn't even looking! And then…" There had to be a way to discuss this without going into specifics. "We had an argument. About our relationship, and how we hadn't been entirely honest about our situations. It should have been something we could work through, but…"

"Ah, of course. Nobody likes complications." They weren't too far from the house, but rather than pull right up to the drive, he pulled the car over onto the shoulder a moment. "Listen, I'm not very good at this, you can tell; but it sounds like you both left everything up in the air rather than talking through the issue properly."

Winter could feel her anxiety rising. They were so close! She hadn't been mentally prepared to be alone with him for any longer than the drive there. But she also didn't want to squander this chance to have a non-superficial conversation with her father; they were so rare, and if she avoided this one she might not get another for a while. Or might even lead him to believe she hated him. That wouldn’t do.

"I wanted to try again. But she let me know we were done. That… she didn't want to see me anymore. She was so upset, I… how can I approach her if she hates me?"

Leaning back in his seat, Jacques sighed deeply, drumming his fingers against the top of the steering wheel as some form of distraction. "How indeed. Then again, your mother and I used to have our fair share of arguments before we got serious; sometimes, shit happens." It was unusual for her father to swear, even more so when he was calm. Still, it meant they were possibly getting somewhere. "Perhaps arrange to meet under more neutral circumstances?"

"Perhaps so." Her eyes flicked toward her sister’s house and the promise of safety, and she sighed. "We'll see. It feels so hopeless, but… I should at least apologise for my part of our misunderstanding. Then it would be up to her, right?"

"Exactly." He smiled toward her. "The ball will be in her court, as it were. If she wants to play, she will. If not… well, you can say you did everything you possibly could. It's disappointing if it does come to that, but in the end, it's far more satisfying to say you tried than to give up without trying."

Nodding glumly, she tried to let herself believe him. It was so hard! But she knew it was the truth; yes, Ruby was well within her right to end their arrangement, even without what went on with Qrow. Even so, that didn't mean she and her sister-in-law couldn't patch up their friendship, and discuss what went wrong like mature adults.

"You're right, of course. It's… I'll think about it. Thank you."

Nodding happily, he put his hands back on the wheel again to drive the last few seconds of the journey. Already, there were a few cars and bikes on the drive from the various guests. One of which included the small red car that Winter recognised so much: Ruby's.

Oblivious to that, Jacques was already taking off his seatbelt and opening the door. "In the meantime, just enjoy the party today. I'm sure Weiss will let you hold Fèn for longer than a couple of minutes this time!"

"Don't count on it," she laughed as they exited the car and began walking up towards the lakehouse. Despite their difficulties and Winter's private discomfort, she really did appreciate the talk more than she could say.

Once they got inside, they could see most of the guests had arrived. Yang and a few members of FNKI were loitering in the spacious entryway. One or two other children from Fenléng's daycare were toddling back and forth in the living room, their mothers likely nearby. Winter thought it was nice that she had a few little friends to play with.

"I'll be back in a bit, guys," Yang reassured both Flynt and Inu upon noticing the new guests. Suspecting they hadn't seen Weiss yet, she thought it best to greet the newcomers herself, managing to scoot past them to welcome her inlaws with open arms. "There you two are! Figured you got lost, again."

Jacques chuckled to himself, accepting a quick hug from her with a pat on the back. "That was just one time. Where is my other pride and joy, anyway?"

"Out in the garden with Ruby! I think they wanted to catch up a little bit before we gave Weiss her presents and stuff. You can head through, if you want?"

Raising a small bag and the box from Jacques, Winter said, "Where shall I put these?"

"Oh, I'll take 'em while we go through, it's on the way. Weiss's been waiting for you guys to turn up!"

With a brief wave goodbye to the two guests, Yang journeyed through the living room with both of Weiss’s relations following behind. She detoured to the kitchen with the two gifts, adding them to the pile, then leading Winter and Jacques to the rear conservatory doors. And there in plain sight were Ruby and Weiss, sat together on the bench.

The circumstances couldn't be any worse. Both Jacques and Weiss were completely unaware of the tension between Winter and Ruby. It gave no time for either of them to prepare mentally, especially not when Jacques was already walking outside toward them both, calling out to get their attention. "There she is! Twenty-two years young."

Turning, Weiss smirked at him as she said, "You got it right this year, Father. I'm impressed." Then her smile widened and she said, "Hey, sister of mine!"

"Happy birthday," Winter said, smiling gently. For the moment, she could forget about the girl sitting next to her sister. Ruby was definitely very important to her, but this wasn't her day, and it wasn't Winter's. "How does it feel to be another year wiser?"

"About the same," she laughed back with a little shrug. "Yang and I were just talking about that this morning; every year is just an encore, isn't it?"

"Once you're past twenty-one, it is pretty much the same,” Jacques chuckled. “Still, gives us an excuse to have a drink or two."

While he was making small talk with his daughter, Ruby continued to sit still with a drink in hand, staring toward the ground nervously. She knew Winter was there, but was far too scared to even make eye contact with her. Clearly, she had been just as cut up as Winter was in the first place. At least that was one small good sign; the pseudo-breakup wasn’t already an irrelevant event for the girl.

"So, how many others are on their way?" Winter asked, hands in the small of her back.

"Well, there's Blake and Sun," Weiss began to list off as she embraced sister. "Taiyang is on his way with Qrow. That might be everyone, right, honey?"

"Blake just messaged and said she's on the way," spoke up Yang from behind them, who had just finished putting the gifts away and was now coming to a stop by her wife’s side. "Aaaand Dad's on the way but a little held up because he went to get Penny from the airport. That’ll be a while, so… should we do presents?"

"You guys go ahead," Ruby said from her seat. At least now she raised her head a little, and looked outward to the large lake rather than at the floor like she was before. "I'm just gonna… chill here for a minute. Crazy week."

"Sorry to hear that," Winter said almost automatically. Then she cleared her throat and hastily turned to Weiss. "Are you ready for presents, or would you rather wait for Blake and Sun?"

"We can wait. In fact, now that I've stopped breastfeeding, I'm ready to have a drink. Can I get you something?"

Smiling demurely, she responded, "Oh, come on; this is your day. I can make drinks for both of us. What will everyone have?"

"Maybe Weiss already has the drinks I…" Though before she could finish that quip, Yang realised just who was in their company. They might well be on good terms, but an adult breastfeeding joke might be a bit too much for the subject’s father and sister to take. Winding back, she cleared her throat again. "Yeah, but I'll get them though, seriously. I know Weiss wants a strawberry daiquiri, and I’m still on the dry list. You two…?"

"I'm driving, so just sparkling water for me. What about you, Winter?" Jacques asked, although he was about ready to head inside.

Her eyes flicked to Yang, but then she said, "Martini, dry, single olive. That is, if it's no trouble."

"Nope, not at all!."

Weiss and Jacques headed inside first, with him asking about how she was and how Fènleng had been. It was always the subject whenever he came over now. But before Winter could step inside, Yang's hand landed on her shoulder, pulling her slightly around.

"Hey… you got a minute?"

That was quite startling for the elder of the Schnee sisters. Glancing both between the door inside and Ruby on the bench, she asked, "Of course, what's up?"

Glancing back at her little sister for a quick moment herself, she leant in closer toward Winter, talking in a hushed tone. "Okay, this is gonna be a weird request, but could you talk to her? This past few months she's had a bad case of the blues about, um, this situation she’s in. I know it's weird asking since she barely knows you, but… I'm kinda at a roadblock."

"Me?" Gulping, she glanced back at Ruby, then again at Yang. The woman she had treated so badly once upon a time. "I… don't have the greatest track record with helping people. Mentally. I'm honestly very surprised you'd ask me."

"Well, I'm stuck… Weiss is stuck, Penny's stuck… we're out of options. Not that you're a bad option, that's not what I'm saying at all! I mean, I know it's not gonna be the same as when you talked me into leaving and-" Sensing she was rambling, however, she looked down when the quizzical gaze of Winter met her own. "Bad start… bad start. But, yeah… if it's okay with you, could you? She may open up more if it's with somebody who doesn’t know her as well as us."

"Yang… you have me all wrong. I'm honoured you trust me to help her, and I'll definitely do my very best. Just… surprised." Swallowing hard, she whispered, "I've been hoping to… make things up to you; I know I can't, but anything I can do to try…"

"Oh pssshhh, I wasn't even thinking about that!" Yang quickly assured her, even laughing a little just to prove it. But in a short moment she squeezed her shoulder, just enough to convey she was serious. "I'm asking as a sister-in-law. Not as a 'you owe me'. Please?"

That prompted Winter to sigh in mild relief as she patted the hand on her shoulder. "That means the world to me. And yes, of course; I just apologise in advance if the talk doesn't do as much good as we both hope."

"Least we can say we tried. I'll have your drink ready in a second."

Finally releasing the shoulder, she headed back in the house behind Weiss and Jacques, leaving the two girls outside alone. Ruby, who was still trying to look to one side with her beverage to do anything to avoid looking her way; and Winter, who was awkward enough thinking about what needed to be done. It was pretty obvious Ruby wouldn't be the one starting.

There was so much she wanted to say, but in the end all she did was pace up behind the bench, come to a stop, and ask, "So… how have you been?"

Nervously shrugging her shoulders, Ruby kept watching the lake while she took a sip of her drink. Damn Yang… she didn't know anything about the situation, yet had somehow managed to convince Winter to do the very thing they needed to - despite her wanting to run a mile from it!

"G-good," she murmured after the sip, resting the hand back on her knee again. "J-just, um, doing so-so. And you?"

"I've been better… but I've been worse. So… I guess the same as you." She looked down towards her hands, white-knuckling on the back of the bench, and tried to relax. It wasn't working. "How are… you and Penny?"

Yet again, she shrugged her shoulders. However this time she at least made some form of effort to acknowledge her needs, by scooting to one side of the bench. "Not too bad, I guess. She has a new job, but she's been kinda stressed because I've been super tired a lot of the time."

Realising it would look strange if she kept standing there when there was an empty seat, she rounded it, sitting down as far away as she could from Ruby. Hopefully, she wouldn't feel crowded. "Why so tired? If it's not too much to ask about. Feel free to tell me it's none of my business, I…" But she didn't finish her thought.

"O-oh, it's nothing. J-just… uh…" Seemed it was more than nothing, especially when it came to the person she was admitting this to. But trying her best, she eventually shrugged her shoulders after another drink. "Just… felt a little off, that's all. I-it's like that sometimes."

"You should talk to your sister about that. She would know more about that, since she's… already on medication. No thanks to me," she added in a bitter undertone.

Closing her eyes, Ruby sighed deeply as she placed her glass on the ground and out the way. "That wasn't your fault entirely, you know. There were a lot of issues at the time with her, hiding under the surface. And besides, I'm pretty sure it’s not genetic; my parents weren’t diagnosed with stuff like that. So if it’s anybody, it’s Yang’s mom, I guess."

"Still, you… should work on what's troubling you." This was getting harder to dance around, and when she thought about doing so, she found she was unable to. "Because despite… how things played out, I still want what's best for you, Ruby. There's just no sense in you suffering if you can talk to someone, sort things out. Medication or no medication."

"I'm not depressed," she corrected. Although from the way she kept staring toward the ground, she wasn't exactly doing anything to prove that comment wrong. In the end, she placed her hands on the bottom of her small skirt, grasping the hem anxiously. But in the end, she thought to herself; what good would it do to keep distracting and leaving things unsaid? "I've just… been upset. Not Depression, not anything else; I'm just sad, okay? It… it was my own stupid fault in the first place."

"What was?" When Ruby didn't answer immediately, she followed up with, "I don't want to assume anything. That isn't my right. But maybe whatever has upset you wasn't your fault alone, and… and then you wouldn't have to punish yourself so harshly. Right?"

For a long while, there was silence between them. Ruby continued to look downward, still unable to yet look up at someone she once couldn't get enough of. It was almost tragic how far they had drifted thanks to a single argument. But the silence was lifted by a small, but rather desperate whisper.

"I miss you."

Winter's head raised, eyes wide. Her mouth worked as if she would respond right away, but she forced herself to stop, to consider her words more carefully. Then she stated, "And I have missed you. So much."

Tucking a stray strand of hair out of her own face, she eventually settled to holding her hands together on her lap, idly crossing her legs to appear casual. Just on the off-chance anyone inside was looking. But already, she could feel everything she had bottled up coming loose, feel her heart thudding with fear, eyes welling up.

"I just got so mad," she began to confess. “S-so mad and so jealous… and I had n-no right to be. That wasn't fair. Not when I-I'd done things just as bad to you."

"You didn't realize what you had done was so…" Winter paused, having to breathe deeply. This wasn't something she made a habit of discussing, so even now, months later, it was difficult. "We both crossed a line that we didn't think as important to the other person as it turned out to be. Is… that fair to say?"

It was accurate. All Ruby had wanted to do was show Winter that she was brave enough to do more daring things, while Winter simply wanted to keep the two most important people in her life happy without awkward encounters. It was certainly a fair assessment. Nodding in agreement, she stared out toward the lake again in a somewhat more contented silence.

"…How's Qrow?"

"Oh, he's been alright. They promoted him to assistant manager of the bar; said he was doing a great job with the work but was a little rude to the customers, so he was better placed being rude to the bartenders."

"So he gets to sit at a desk behind the bar and drink? Sounds like an ideal job for him."

Winter smiled down at the hands in her lap. "You… probably don't want to know any more details than that, do you?"

Though that last comment didn't make Ruby laugh. Unfortunately, she was still rather awkward about that situation. "N-no… not really. I wanna hear if he's okay but not like, those details."

"Of course, of course," she replied hastily. "I have no problem with that. As long as you agree not to tease me about… about the other thing. We can bring it up from time to time, but don't tease. It just…" She looked away, biting her lip to keep from showing a reaction too severe.

"I know… I stepped over the line." Nervously she shuffled in her seat again, looking downward toward the floor. A look of pure shame. "The truth is… I just thought that maybe… if I used my intuition and showed that I could be daring enough to try something big like that, you'd be pleased with my progress. But now I know, t-that was completely wrong. That you can't ‘guess’ with this stuff."

The corner of her mouth ticked up as she conceded, "Well, to be fair, you were right with everything except the third person who happened to be in the room. But your performance was… I still have to fan myself thinking about how good you were."

"It… was pretty hot." Unsure if that was crossing the line or not, she shrugged her shoulders nervously. "That doesn't count as teasing, right? To admit that it was really… really thrilling?"

"No, not at all. I… could tell you how I really felt about it, if you promise not to pass judgment. A-and if you promise not to think it means I dislike you; just because I was angry and upset didn't mean I wanted you out of my life! I regret so much that I made it seem that way…"

"I wouldn't blame you if you did… I crossed the line," she admitted again. She knew she deserved more than that. She expected fury, rage even, but Winter had something else to say. "…g-go on?"

"What I said during play… that it really turned me on… I wasn't lying. It did. But admitting that means admitting that…" Winter's cheeks were pink already due to how long they had been talking about their last session, but she bravely forged ahead.

"On the car ride up here, I spent the entire time trying to ignore how wet I was getting. Because I was in the same car as my father. You were so good, and gave me such a powerful climax, that now… now I associate that with speaking to him, being in the same place as him. Which I'm so ashamed of; it's… not as if he had anything to do with it directly, or as if I want to sleep with him! GOD, no! But the two things are connected in my brain pretty strongly now." Now that the older woman had said her peace, she closed her eyes and waited for the reaction. However bad it might turn out to be.

"Ohhh…" Surprisingly, it was far easier for Ruby to take in than expected. While it was good to learn that she had given Winter an extremely powerful orgasm, and Winter was proud of her as a sub… learning that Winter now associated her own father with their escapades wasn't so good. In fact, when she thought about it…

It was the same association she now had with Qrow once learning who he was. Finding out that Qrow was another of Winter’s partners made such thoughts hard to totally block out. A sexual context for her own uncle. They were both dealing with those awful tricks of their minds. Only difference was, Ruby knew she would never accidentally be picturing her uncle during the act the same way Winter might with her father.

"Shit… I really screwed up…"

"Not so badly. I mean, it's almost fun, when I'm not disgusted with myself." A few seconds later, she added in a weak murmur, "That was supposed to be humourous, but after saying it, I realized it didn't come out that way…"

Still blinking, she finally looked more in Winter's direction than the floor at last. Not eye contact yet, but it was better than what it was. "Geeze, I just wanted to do something… adventurous. To be bold or whatever. I didn't want to ruin an entire person for you, let alone your own father!"

With another gentle, nervous smile, she turned back to face forward. "You don't have that much power, Ruby. He's not ruined, exactly… just… this is something I'll have to work through. But it does help to have a specific cause; you fucking me under the desk, instead of just 'Surprise, you're turned on in your father's presence'. Keeps me from thinking I'm even more of a deviant than I already am."

There was a small chuckle coming from her. "That would be the worst version of the Daddy kink."

"Ugh," Winter groaned, ducking her head. "Do you know how long I mentally dissected me moaning 'Daddy' when I’m being fucked?! I haven't called him that in over a decade, and I still had to worry about it!"

"Oh my god, I was kidding - I didn't know you had one!" The laugh was beginning to increase in volume. In fact, it would be the loudest anyone would have heard her laugh in weeks, even if it was a slight form of teasing. Their talk was working.

So Winter kept it going. Yes, she was uncomfortable with the subject matter, but it was also a relief to be able to get it out and discuss it instead of bottling everything up. "Well, I do, but it never had anything to do with my actual daddy until that night. Not as far as I knew, anyway." Shifting in her seat, she muttered, "You know what they say about all little girls wanting to marry their fathers…"

"Not me; never ever been interested in men. Even me being kinda weird about sex aside…" Finally, she felt her muscles relaxing as she grew more at ease; even began to smile. Maybe things were going to work out for them still being friends, after all. In the end, that's what they wanted, to be in one another's lives, regardless of feelings.

But Ruby didn't want to leave it there. Talking about where things went wrong with their arrangement was one thing, but with their feelings was another. They had come too far, said too much to leave it there without talking it through fully. If only she could take that first step.

Though Winter beat her to it. "If you're sure you want to keep these secrets, and aren't already disgusted by me…" Her eyes flicked up to Ruby's face, then away again, waiting. Bursting to speak, but afraid that she had already gone too far.

"I could never be disgusted with you." At long last, she looked up, and right at Winter's face. It was like she was seeing her for the first time all over again. She could already feel the bottled up feelings reemerging, the compulsive need to grab Winter and kiss her as hard as she could. But they had to talk it out first. "Even after all my thinking, all this time with these dumb thoughts… I can't be disgusted with you. I can't even dislike you. And I don't want to. Because all this time has passed and I… I-I… still…"

Almost as if to head her off, Winter went on, "G-good. Because it's been getting worse, even if I've been getting better at processing it; understanding it's a kink, and it doesn't make me bad for having a kink if I don't indulge it. That's not as bad, right?" Her eyes held Ruby's for just a moment, hopeful, drinking in the desire she saw reflected there, before she turned away.

"As you heard, my father has begun dating this Amber woman. I've seen her, and she really is attractive." More fidgeting from the elder Schnee sister. "S-so… I may have had a stray fantasy about walking in on them…"

"Well… I-I guess… um…" Truly speechless after that confession of hers, Ruby looked to one side wide eyed, scratching the back of her head nervously. Managing to force a chuckle of her own, she admitted, "I guess these things don't hurt. Fantasies and all that, different strokes for different folks."

"You know, I could tell he was flustered by that sketch of yours - which I framed, by the way, I hope I can show you how it looks framed. That… is part of what made it harder to forget this whole thing. He didn't know it, but he was finding me attractive." Then she cleared her throat, waving that away as best she could. "Which only makes sense; he's always told me I'm a lot like Mother was. Weiss is the one who looks so distinctly different, even though there's a family resemblance, of course."

"Weirdly? She looks like your dad, if he was a girl… if that makes sense?" She could only hope that would be enough to make her chuckle along with her. The strange thing was, at the start of this arrangement, she was so obsessed with Winter's likeness to Weiss. Now, she could completely separate them. When with Winter, it was like Weiss was never even a factor.

"She does!" Winter admitted with a giggle of her own, raising a hand to her mouth to hide it. Then she sighed and said, "Anyway, enough about my budding Electra complex before I develop a thing for Weiss, too." Turning more fully, she looked straight at Ruby with a sober gaze. "I'm so happy that we can talk again. It might not be easy, but I can't tell you how much I've missed this!"

Laughing right back with her, Ruby picked her drink back up from the ground. The smile on her face evolved into a grin. "Me too! This was one of the things I missed. I mean, Weiss and Blake are great to talk to, but you sorta get fed up with them bringing up their other halves like, all the time."

Nodding, Winter crossed her legs in a lot less discomfited gesture - though she still shivered slightly at the action. "Indeed, they do go on about each other. But it's a positive thing, that they're in such stable relationships." Glancing over at Ruby, she asked in a careful tone, "You and Blake didn't ever…?"

Drinking the final swig of her drink, Ruby shook her head lightly, drawing the glass away. "Nah. We agreed that'd be too weird with how she was with Yang and all. Plus, as much as she knows she's bisexual…" Shuffling up closer to Winter a moment, she quickly checked the area to make sure no one was in sight. Thankfully, they were all too distracted by the presents to even notice those two outside. Finally, she leaned into her ear, whispering, "She is definitely all about dicks."

Giggling, Winter whispered back, "I know. I offered to Dom her a few times, or to let her Dom me, and she said she 'wouldn't mind' but didn't seem all that excited about getting around to it. I saw that as the gentle kiss-off that it was, and never pushed for an answer."

"Yeah… She won't admit it, but she is a cockslut," Ruby whispered back. And yet even when she was done whispering, she didn't move away. Not yet. She had become content with sitting right at Winter's side, even leaning in slightly toward her. So close… even after months, it was becoming like those few romantic sessions all over again. Except there were no characters, no practice. This was Winter Schnee and Ruby Rose.

"Do you still…" But as soon as the words began to form, she held a hand up, shaking her head. "Nah, forget it, I'm being dumb."

"I still miss more than just our sessions," Winter told her firmly, offering it when Ruby hadn't finished her question. "I miss YOU, all of you."

Ruby found no more words to say. Usually a chatterbox who let her mouth run, and she was completely speechless. All she could do was keep their close proximity, feel her cheeks beginning to heat up once more as Winter stared back at her. She always managed to make her blush… and this was no exception. After a brief check to make sure no one was around, she found her eyes wandering elsewhere. To Winter's eyes, her lips…

"Kiss me."

"Are you sure?" she breathed gently, allowing her index finger to brush down along Ruby's arm. "Someone might see. Or do you want them to see?" Quirking her lips, she whispered as she drifted closer, "Not that I would fault you if that was secretly what you wanted."

"I-I want…" She wanted everything to go the way it was meant to go when she first confessed her feelings for Winter. She wanted for them to be more, so much more. "I want you… I want to feel how you feel about me. Even after this long. I-if you still do."

At the more insistent wording, the lessening of ambiguity, Winter's eyes began to shimmer. Her throat tightened, and she leaned in yet closer. With only another second of hesitation, her lips took the younger woman's, hungrily and with great relish.

And she poured every last ounce of desire into her mouth as she kissed her back, as her hand slid up to rest upon her neck. For the first time, one of their kisses wasn't merely full of confidence, sensuality, desire. This time, there was so much affection - on a level closer to Penny's, though different in its own right. Open and earnest.

In the same way, Ruby felt her eyes closing in bliss. Her hand crept up and into Winter's hair, bringing her in closer. Her other hand was holding her glass as best she could, but even that was a struggle. In the movement and effort Winter displayed when she opened her lips slightly further, when she eased her tongue forward to brush against her own, she could feel it. This kiss was so completely different to what she had felt from her before, yet entirely familiar. Winter Schnee loved her, and she could tell from that single, honest kiss between them. And already she could feel tears welling up in her eyes all over again.

Though Winter continued to pour more and more of her affection into the contact, eventually it grew to be too powerful. She had to break away to whisper, "I thought I lost you forever!" before she threw her arms around Ruby, pushing her face into her neck and trembling all over as she tried not to break down entirely.

Although hesitant at first, Ruby eventually found the strength to hug right back, pulling her in tightly as she grasped the cardigan she was wearing. Everything was back, her scent, her touch; her. And she wouldn't have it any other way. What a fool she was to let it all go, to let such a thing slip away because of a pathetic argume-

"Guys, we're starting to open the presents!"

Yang happened to call as she stood by the conservatory door. Why did that have to happen now?! Thankfully, there was no awkwardness about the embrace; it simply looked like what Yang had intended for them, for Winter to have helped Ruby with her sadness. And that brought a smile to her face. "Awww, come on you nerds, get in here!"

Pulling back with a sniffle, she was sure not to do what she would have done - kiss Ruby again - and instead turned immediately to call, "Coming!" When addressing Ruby again, she whispered, "Are you going to be alright? I mean, I think I can dry it up, but we can linger a moment if you need to."

Moving the hand from the back of her head to her shoulder instead, she nodded. She desperately wanted to do the same, quickly lunge forward and kiss Winter. But that would have to wait until another time. "Y-yeah, we'd better. Yang's been worried about me."

"Yeah, she said. Your sister really cares for you; I'm glad you're so close." Biting her lip as she stroked Ruby's arm, down out of sight due to the bench, she whispered, "Maybe… she can be one of the first ones we tell, when we're ready. She and Weiss. I think they're the ones who might feel the most strange about us being anything other than sisters-in-law."

"Yeah… Yeah that's true. It would be a good idea." But it seemed at first, Ruby hadn't quite realised what that implied. Until she started to really think about it. And her eyes widened once she began to think on it more and more, before finally gasping, "You… want that with me? Like, to be completely out in the open? Really?"

"Possibly," she answered with a shy smile as she finally began to stand up, pulling Ruby to her feet alongside. "Depending on other factors. Mainly, you and Penny; if we did that, she would be part of a polyamorous relationship, even if she has no feelings for me. I don't want to put her in that position if she's not comfortable with it. And then we'll have to decide how we feel about each of the other people in our lives knowing about it in turn."

"Yeah, of course. If we don't handle this right, people would accuse me of being a cheater. And I don't want that – she doesn’t deserve to have people thinking that, either. Don't worry, I'll be talking to her about it soon."

Winter nodded, then couldn’t help grinning down at the little puppy. Now all hers – or at least, more hers than she had been expecting. "I can’t wait."

#Lady Stardust #rwby fanfiction #ruby x winter #rwbyremnants #INCEST TW #(even tho it's not really)

[vole-mon-amour]

OTP tag game.

Tagged by @captainjowl. You know for sure than I'm struggling to pick only 10 & fit them in here. But hell, that’s fun, thank you <3

Rules: Choose 10 OTPs BEFORE reading the questions, and then get to answering

1) Harry James Potter & Sirius Orion Black

2) Daniel Le Domas & Grace (Ready or Not 2019)

3) Samuel & Nathan Drake (Uncharted 4)

4) Corvo Attano & The Outsider (+probably Emily Kaldwin; Dishonored series)

5) Steve Grant Rogers & Bucky Buchanan Barnes (Marvel)

6) Tony Edward Stark & Peter Benjamin Parker (Marvel)

7) Handsome Jack & Rhys (Borderlands video game series)

8) Damon Salvatore & Elena Gilbert (TVD Books & a tv show)

9) Batman & Joker (in every universe, really)

10) Adam Jensen x Francis Pritchard (Deus Ex video game series)

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I believe it didn't hit me before Spider-Man: Homecoming. Civil War was about Steve & Bucky for me, but when I saw that growing up Peter with Tony, their dynamic, chemistry. Tom & Robert are really just like that.

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Lmao. I've read like 50% of the tag on AO3, I wrote my own & started a few wips on them. They are amazing. Plus, with that shitty canon? We didn't get enough of them & they deserved better, so it's only logical to save yourself with fanfiction.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr screen saver?

I was living with The Outsider icon on my twitter & tumblr. That one is still my Google profile picture I believe. Don't remember about having an icon with the two of them. Also had The Outsider as my lockscreen on my smartphone for a while.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Funny how it fits canon, lmao. Rhys literally tried to erase Jack's AI in TFTBL, so I guess another day on Pandora, nothing new. They torture each other, they kiss each other, they kill other people in the process. It'll be fiiine.

5. Why is 1 so important?

I love them since the first time I met them, which was much more than 10 years ago, I don't even remember when. At some point they were the reason I was waking up & forcing myself to eat just to read more fanfiction & feel something. Even if I was drowning in pain (I was extremely depressed), it was still something. I read every fic I could find at that time. The depression that Harry went through, all these feelings, his love for Sirius. I was living through it, I could relate.

I'm currently drowning in these two again, though in a much healthier & happier state. I see their flaws & I know as much as I can. I see them differently as an adult. They saved me, they keep being my number one, I still consider making a tattoo of Padfoot/Sirius or of both Harry & Sirius together. I have many headcanons, ideas, I write fics about them. They are everything, you see? They were my choice when there was nothing, no one. They are HOME.

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both. There goes the dynamic of Jack & Rhys: torture, fighting, flirting, a lot of trauma. I'd definitely say that they are wild and comical sometimes, but they are definitely serious. With the Asylum, the mental health issues. There is so much more to it, the complexity of their relationship. The struggle of loving who you probably shouldn't (but hey, when does it work like that?) Thinking about Tettlate's Batman, about Batman: Europa & how Joker was: "You must be crazy, putting me in charge of the plan, letting me decide. Okay, well..."

Nah, they are entertaining, but this is a serious ship.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Are you kidding me? They are all the definition of CHEMISTRY. I'd say 5, but then go 2, 6, 7, 8. Come on. I'm not choosing. Most of they are WILD.

9. How many times have you read/watched the 10’s fandom?

The fandom itself? Idk. I found one of my favourite artists through this fandom. If it's about the characters themselves, I played the first game with the DLC from start to beginning, looking around every corner. Spent more than 60 hours in there. Watched a second game (my laptop can't run the game) and the DLC (obviously), since Francis is in the DLC & not in the main game. I have a tag for them on tumblr, I read fanfiction, I tried to write my own. I still follow Elias & want a third game. Elias liked my tweets about Adam and Jensen being an actual couple a few times. I'd say I interacted with all of this a lot? Still do, actually.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

5. Best friends since childhood, fought & died for each other, still found their way back to each other. "It would break your Captain's heart, to see what they did to you." That only the MENTION of Steve can pull Bucky out of this brain washing(ed?) state, distract him in the middle of a fight. When Steve died in the comics because of Sharon & Tony sent Natasha to take Steve's shield from Bucky because even Tony knew how much Steve means to Bucky. And Bucky was like: "Oh, I see what he did. Not happening!" Fought Natasha (that is his ex in the comics) & kept going for Steve's sake.

Well, you see the point, I can go on and on.

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

They're not actually canon so none? They had a few fights: In Civil war (the comics), in Homecoming (the movie).  That only means that they’ve got history & love each other.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

As fierce Grace is, they wouldn't stand a chance against Damon & Elena. Those two had to deal with worst thing than brainless stupid zombies. On the other hand, if there were no alive humans to drink their blood... It's either an animal diet that Damon hates so much or I don't know? Still, they're faster & more powerful. Their bodies have advantage of healing the wounds as well.

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

From some people, yeah. Don't tell Athena, don't tell Vaughn, don't tell Fiona. Though Rhys wasn't very subtle about it & Jack just doesn't give a fuck. You will probably end up dead if you disagree or bore him, or if you're useless.

"I can take you to the top, but you gotta know where the top is" & Rhys doesn't tell anybody until Jack makes him the President for like whole 20 minutes lol.

Fiona & Sasha: "This can't be happening." Sure it can, darling.

14. Is 4 still together?

I have a headcanon about The Outsider finding Emily & Corvo after Billie frees him from the Void. He doesn't have anybody & they are his only friends aside from a potential friendship with Billie. And if we don't consider TOTO dlc, they definitely are! The Outsider visits them both when they sleep & takes them to the void sometimes. How could he not?

15. Is 10 canon?

Not really but also sort of? Let's say that they really care about each other in canon, despite Adam pushing Francis away because of his trauma & fear that Megan caused him. :/

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Can you imagine wizards fighting extremely powerful vampires? Superheroes with venom in their bodies that make them super strong with people that made a deal with the Devil himself (hi Le Bail)? 5000 y.o. God and his lover that share his powers and an augmented human protecting his tired IT guy? Combine mental health issues to that, Jack and Rhys with Batman and Joker. Corvo & The Outsider would probably slay them all as Corvo and Emily did in both games with entire islands, though it will still be a slaughter anyway.

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

All the fucking time, lmaooo. I’m not even talking about it.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

I feel like I already did with Steve & Bucky after many Marvel movies (we're not even mentioning Endg*me, I fucking died & was dead for full 4-5 months).

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

I used to do that a few years back, but not anymore. There is not much content since the trilogy is finished.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

1 already went through it & fandom lives, so I'd say maybe 7? Rhys will find a way to bring Jack back & they are both so wild. It’s what happened in canon anyway. Jack kidnapped Lilith & forced her to do Angel's job, so I'd like to see that witch try at first. Jack is an immortal bastard. <3

Now that I think about it, Corvo would also deal with her in seconds as she waits to curse them.

As a conclusion: no one breaks up forever, we're killing the witch.

I tag: @ianmillkovichgallagher​ & @aledbr​

Whoever else wants to join the game, please do.

#otp #me #tumblr #harry x sirius #delena #corvosider #rhack #tony x peter #batjokes #jensard #steve x bucky #ready or not #drakecest