#[ but anyways yeah it's completely normal for people - especially in their 20s and even 30s - to later learn they're a plural ]

[kujo1597]

It’s been a bit! But I suppose that’s normal for these. I did have a good reason for it taking so long this time. In the first episode recap or whatever you’d like to call these posts I said that I started doing them to get back into writing Unbreakable. Well! I’m done chapter 6!!! 🥳 Woo! Well… mostly done it. I have to like, write at least a couple verses for a song Stormer wrote and do my usual week of proofreading before I post it. But! I’m 99% done it!!!

Let’s celebrate my new spare time with an episode of Jem.

I had literally no idea what this episode’s title was. It completely escaped me for some reason. Why am I so confused by that?

Kimber’s my favourite character! How did I forget the episode with her name in it? I think the actual answer is that there are a couple episodes where Kimber’s rebelled and those ones were a little more of a meaningful rebellion. Especially the one that really kicked off my favourite Jem ship.

Oh by the way. I actually forgot that the last episode ended on the yacht being on a crash course with an oil tanker. I think part of why I don’t feel too bad about how densely packed my Jem fanfics tend to be is because the show itself covers a lot in each episode.

Let's get to it.

So the yacht almost crashes into the taker ship, Danielle’s crew manages to save the ship. Although the party guests get a little thrown around.

Jem included!

So… Is this how boats work? I grew up in a landlocked province; I didn’t even see the ocean until I was in my mid-20s. My family would go to a lake but it was small, probably too small for a speeding yacht. I don’t know boat physics.

Anyway, Rio pulls Jem back onboard.

And here is our first kiss between Jem and Rio. Jerrica got caught up in the moment and gave her boyfriend a kiss on the lips. But of course she’s Jem right now and Rio to his credit, pulled away and said that it’s wrong to cheat on Jerrica with Jem.

He’s not bad in these first few episodes!

With the crisis averted everybody makes sure Jem and Rio are okay, then they see the Misfits taunting them from their little speed boat. And Stormer does a Flim Flam as hell laugh. Sorry Sue Blu I love The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo so I associate this style of laugh with the lovable scam artist. Now that everybody’s nice and frustrated with the uninvited guests they decide that they need to start filming Jem’s first music video as soon as possible. Anthony says he’ll direct it, and the countess offers to fund the whole thing and fly everybody to Paris.

Kimber wanted to do the whole thing the very next day. But Jem being Jerrica is like, “Sounds great, but we need to actually record our album first.”

Now we cut to Starlight Mansion and the girls. Krissie says that Jem and The Holograms will be leaving in two days. Deirdre is pretty into the idea of Paris but Ashley sure isn’t. She’s pretty darn bitter about how everybody is talking so much about Jem.

Lela asks Ashley how much money she’s made for the Honor Jar (We’re almost done with this thing. So far I haven’t spelled it Honour Jar once.) and Ashley presents the $30 she got off of Stormer. But Lela explains the rules of the jar, you must say how you earned the money because the work is as important as the cash.

Ashley has a pretty understandable reaction. She’s new and feeling unwelcome. She’s been getting criticized a lot lately and reached her breaking point. Ashley throws the money to the floor and storms out.

Yeah she didn’t earn the money in a way that would be seen as “acceptable” but I feel like at this point Ashley feels like nothing she’ll do will be good enough for the people in this foster home. And who knows what her previous one was like. This could be something she’s been dealing with for years for all we know.

Time to watch Jem and The Holograms record their first album. The song playing is Twilight in Paris, I’ll say more about it after the actual music video.

Rio asks the band to tighten up the song and asks them if they can keep going. Jem tells him that they’ll keep at it until they nail the song.

Then we get an immediate comparison to The Misfits who are recording their album. Eric tells them to pick up the tempo, Stormer enthusiastically agrees to work at it. But Pizzazz and Roxy have very little interest in honing their craft.

Then Pizzazz complains to Eric that he’s not flying her group to a place like Paris. And Eric tells her that he can only embezzle so much money from Starlight Music before he owns it.

But he does fly Zipper to Paris in order to sabotage Jem’s music video.

After a quick pan over Paris we see Anthony going over the steps for the music video with Jem. Kimber gets jealous of Jem and storms off.

She starts heading towards Zipper and her first kidnapping of the show. But Rio catches her in time. And well

is pretty rough with Kimber.

Kimber’s frustrated and tells Rio to not play big brother with her. And then after a little fight she goes to tell Rio that Jem’s not so great because she’s actually Jerrica. Shana and Aja stop Kimber right in time.

Kimber points out that Rio has the right to know. And she’s right! And Shana agrees with her! But also points out that this is Jerrica’s love life so she should be the one to tell Rio.

After that scene Zipper looks up at the top of a skyscraper and sees the gargoyles and he hatches a plan.

I’m fond of the song Twilight in Paris. Not because it’s a great song. It’s really not, the music video is kinda neat. No. I’m fond of this song because the lyrics feel like Kimber was scrambling to think of stuff that has to do with Paris, and France in general. And I just love the mental image of that. Kimber scribbling in a notebook everything she knows about Paris and coming up with only four things, the Eiffel Tower, City of Lights, a location Jem sings that I can’t understand, and France being a romantic country. And that’s it. That’s all Kimber could come up with in a day. It’s wonderful.

After the music video we see Zipper’s plan in action. What is this plan?

Why crush Jem of course! Literally!

The gargoyle misses the mark though. Zipper is very good at his job.

Rio gives Jem a tight hug after her close call and she asks him to never let go.

Kimber’s not dumb and knows exactly who sent Zipper.

Time to get an update on the Ashley subplot. She runs away from home and to a bar frequented by the Misfits.

Stormer likes kids. I did a post about it. She sees Ashley at the bar, leans down to get closer to eye level and asks Ashley for her name, and if she’s in trouble.

Pizzazz leads Ashley into the bar and I highly doubt it’s because she likes kids. She probably just saw an opportunity to get at Jem. Or Jerrica. At this point she probably dislikes them equally.

Now we see the Misfits giving Ashley some life lessons. These lessons are the opposite of what Jerrica’s been teaching her girls. Be rude, be pushy, never thank people.

Back to the stars of the show, intended stars anyway, and they’re discussing things with Danielle. Kimber’s still jealous of Jem. I do like how Danielle calls Kimber “my petite.” It’s pretty cute. I think the countess likes Kimber.

After getting into the airport, whatever section this is, I’ve never been on a plane, Jem runs off to change. And we get our first instance of Rio’s pissiness. Aja reminds him that Jerrica is supposed to meet them at the airport and he blows past her to be all mopey. Jerrica’s disappointed that Rio took off.

Aja promises her that taking a look around town will cheer her up. However...

*laughs hysterically*

Oh, sorry. I just forgot how shitty this poster looks.

Um.

Okay, so while Jem and The Holograms were in Paris The Misfits were busy putting up posters advertising them. Or maybe Eric hired a bunch of people because Pizzazz and Roxy couldn’t be bothered. Either way, their faces are plastered all over town.

Song time! This is a pretty nice song complete with convenient hole for Pizzazz to climb out of. We see Jem and The Holograms along with some Starlight Girls running around town trying to hang up all their posters and just advertise their band in general. But they’re being sabotaged the entire time. And one of the saboteurs is Ashley.

Kimber sees this and she is not happy.

She confronts Eric in his office where he is writing directly onto his desk.

And Eric starts being creepy as hell! Stop it! Jesus. If Jerrica’s 18 then Kimber’s only 15.

Eric tries to butter up Kimber by saying that as the songwriter she deserves far more credit than she’s getting, that she should be star instead of Jem. And even offers to sign Kimber on without Jem. She doesn’t outright say no to the offer but she does leave.

Now to Starlight Mansion where we see Aja and Shana reading magazines, Kimber playing guitar, and Jerrica being bushed from all the work they’re been doing. Then the phones rings.

It’s Lindsey Pierce! She asks to speak to Jem and after filling her sisters in Jerrica speaks to Lindsey in the exact same tone of voice she normally speaks in and says, “This is Jem.” I can excuse Lindsey for not really caring because Jerrica is currently a nobody. But it’s just very funny.

Lindsey says that she only wants to interview Jem and she’ll do something with the Holograms at a later date. But when Jerrica tells Kimber that only Jem is invited to this interview Kimber yells and storms out declaring that she’s going to go solo.

Hey look, Kimber’s first cry of the show. Not counting the funeral. *adds this to the Kimber rarely cries around others pile* Don't worry I won't call attention to every time a character cries. I'm just putting these into my crying folder. That is a totally normal sentence I just typed.

After Aja and Shana try to comfort Jerrica she decided to make a phone call to Lindsey to insist that the entire band be on her show. And Lindsey doesn’t mind one bit.

With that mess sorted out it’s now time to sort out a different mess. Getting Kimber back. Jerrica knows her baby sister well and figures that Kimber’s driving aimlessly while listening to her favourite radio station. And heads there in the Starlight Express to ask the DJ to broadcast a message to Kimber. Jerrica figures she’d be too unknown to get any air time but Jem definitely would be allowed on the air.

They deliver their message and Kimber hears it and returns home saying that with no Jem there is no Holograms.

Rio pulls up and calls out to the group that they’ve got 15 minutes until air time. Jerrica tells her sisters to take the roadster while she rids with Rio in his van.

There’s a lot of vans in this show.

During the drive Rio tells Jerrica that he can’t be Jem’s manager anymore. That he’s afraid he’ll hurt Jerrica. And she insists that Rio keeps working for them because they all need him and he’s irreplaceable. Rio does give in because it does mean a lot to Jerrica that he stays a part of the team.

He did not appreciate Jerrica being pulled off to do more work for Jem, as shown by him shaking his head. Part of the problem probably was the fact that Jerrica got yanked out of their hug.

Live interview time! The Misfits see this and are not happy. They run out of whatever building they're in to put a stop to it.

So, before I started this episode summary I tried very hard to remember which Misfits song played in this episode. There’s a reason I couldn’t remember! There wasn’t one!

I like this song a lot. I find myself singing it on occasion. To be honest I generally prefer Misfits music and those are the songs that tend to get stuck in my head. But there are some Holograms ones I find myself humming and singing.

Boop.

What was I doing? Oh yeah, the interview!

At some point the Misfits picked Ashley up before arriving at the TV station. Last time we saw them they were hanging out in one of their houses. I think. It's unclear where they were.

Well, trying to get in with the Misfits name didn’t work so Pizzazz sent Ashley in. And Ashley distracts the guard by kicking him really hard in the shin.

Lindsey asks Jem and a really good question. Where did the name Jem and The Holograms come from?

I suppose an easy answer would be to say that it sounds cool and futuristic.

But before Jem can think of that explanation the interview gets interrupted by The Misfits. They’re their usual pushy selves and Jem stands up to them and insults them. Good for her! I like how this show isn’t afraid to have the protagonist be rude right back.

A quick tangent because my brain is funny. I listened to the Jem audiobooks a while back and was amazed by how completely rude Jem is in some of them. Not because she was being rude to Pizzazz, but because she was being rude to everybody. The show strikes a nice balance. Jerrica does get more patient with Pizzazz post-syndication but not a lot more patient, and in season 3 all that patience is gone. With good reason!

Back to the show, Lindsey sensing a brawl on her hands asks the station to cut to commercial. She informs the Misfits that she was planning to invite them onto the show for an interview too, but now she doesn’t want to.

The Misfits demand equal time and that they get to play a song so they take the instruments on stage. But Jem isn’t having any of this and pulls Aja’s guitar out of Stormer’s hands.

Lindsey’s had it. She asks the men on the set to escort these ladies off of the set.

And we get our first slap of show. Pizzazz tells Lindsey that her show isn’t classy enough for The Misfits.

Rio is one of the people dragging the Misfits away. He grabs Pizzazz and she makes an offer to Rio, that he should work for her. And Rio turns her down. So Pizzazz elbows Rio in the gut sending him careening off into some equipment which causes a domino effect putting Jem’s life at risk.

A fire breaks out and that is where the episode ends.

A lot of fire in this show.

And well, now you see what I mean when I say that Jem is a densely packed show. A lot happens in it. Part of why these first five episodes are like this is likely the nature of the original release of them. But wow, this is a lot to take in. Imagine being a kidling trying to keep up, watching the shorts once a week. What if you missed one? You’d be so lost!

The next one of these should get done a lot sooner than my current pace. I'd like to finish the opening five episodes before I finish writing that dreaded wedding I promised.

#Jem and the Holograms #Kujo Watches Jem #I was originally not going to put these in the main tag but they seem to be pretty well received so I'll keep doing it

[dzpenumbra]

12/10/22

I'm still eating food, I've been grazing for like 2-3 hours now. I guess. I have such little perception of time, I swear. Hard to gauge because cooking took a long time. I made buffalo chicken crunchwraps, and good lord was it worth the effort!

Today was a much better day. Super productive, high energy. I got the meds for my cat sorted, we have them now, she gets them with her food at 11PM tomorrow. I am putting a notification in my phone now. I did it! I did the normal adult thing! Yay.

I decided to get groceries while I was out. I had to piss real bad the whole time, so it was pretty stressful, but I got it done. $200 for 3 bags of groceries. Like... what the fuck. Like... I'm not even buying meat anymore and this shit is just ridiculously expensive. Please tell me I'm not the only one noticing this. In my "I am barely functioning mid-20's" I was living off of like... frozen meals, energy drinks and gatorade and shit, and I could get like 3-4 bags full of that for like... less than $150. The shit I'm getting now is way cheaper, cooking it all myself, and it's more expensive. Dark times, man.

Anyway, I got home, threw some laundry in - it's super easy and the laundry is like... right below my place, so really conveniently located too. I had like an almost 3 hour conversation with my mom. A really good one. I legit had no idea how long the conversation went on for, I was planning a short one just to check in. We talked Christmas gifts, catching her up on the vet drama, and... my impostor syndrome. My struggle with accepting that I have ADHD. Which, coincidentally, happened to come at the same exact time as my struggle to accept that it's possible for me to be a successful professional artist. And that I even have artistic talent. What a fucking coincidence, huh? Probably just random chance, I'd bet. XD

She helped reassure me, and we talked through the implications, pros and cons of all outcomes. It really helped, I mean that. Just having another perspective on it, and one that has logged a ton of hours around my brain is just... invaluable, honestly. I'm sure any artist reading this could relate, when you work on a super detailed piece for like 30+ hours and even after stepping away and coming back... you still see every little mistake and it doesn't... awe you. Not the way someone else's piece would. But when you see the genuine reaction of someone seeing it for the first time and their jaw hits the floor... Yeah, dude. That can help pull those jaded blinders down a bit. Now take that experience and apply it to... your personality, the way you think, the way you experience life. That's a really tough one to like... get perspective on, especially when you've dedicated a big chunk of your life to trying to "play the game" and fit in. To not draw attention. To be "normal". To function by standards expected of you.

There are a few reasons I've been pushing back against this ADHD thing.

1) I have been misdiagnosed before - with epilepsy. I took it very seriously. I went through tons of med trials. I joined the Epilepsy Foundation. I wore a medical alert necklace every day. I did a 48 hour EEG with an electrode cap that I wore the whole time. Like, I remember vividly standing on my porch smoking cigarettes with gauze wrapped around my head, must've freaked out the neighbors. It was very shameful, very embarrassing, humiliating. And I still feel, even though it was completely naïve and not even my fault, like my actions were like... offensive to people who actually have epilepsy. Even in my ignorance. Yeah, I'm hard on myself, but like 5 years later I still feel that way. And I don't want to do that again.

2) I don't want to feel like I'm looking for an excuse to get me out of responsibilities in life. I have been treated this way constantly. Like I'm lazy or "not motivated" or slow, or dumb, or something. Mostly lazy though. Like "what the fuck, clean your dishes", "just clean your house, you'll feel much better". "Get a job." "Successful people make their bed in the morning." Shit like that. I'm adopting the suspicion of bitter people who hate their lives, people I haven't spoken to in years, and weaponizing that suspicion against myself as a way of talking myself out of a diagnosis I have confirmed at least 3 times. At different stages of my life, too. For fuck's sake, I even got a brain scan that confirmed this. But nope, enough people drilled this into my head at extremely vulnerable times... so... I must be actually lazy. And I must be so desperate to stay lazy and to cheat at life that I'm going to dig up a 20 year old diagnosis and point at it and go "look, look, this means it's okay for dishes to be difficult for me". Again, this overlaps with the impostor thing, because I am saying that. I am saying that dishes are significantly harder for me than neurotypical people, especially consistently doing dishes and staying ahead of them. The only catch here is whether the reason is because of ADHD, and for some reason... I feel like I need a more concrete or more recent diagnosis to really claim that.

I'm sure there are more reasons, but I feel like I'm just ranting and bitching and I'm actually getting bored of hearing myself complain about this. XD

I have been waiting all day to fire up a game of Rimworld, since like 2 days ago, actually. Because I've had so much going on that I haven't had any time to like... chill and unwind until after midnight. Guess what? It's after midnight. -_- Do I unwind with a game for a bit? (which will likely turn into 4AM really quick) Or do I start getting ready for bed?

Gonna say fuck it and roll the dice tonight, see what chance has in store for me.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

[writerrodgers]

Hi, I thought I'd share the frost chapter of my Chris Evans fan fiction story. Hopefully you like it! If you do let me know and I'll keep posting chapters!

Movie Decision

Being an up and coming actress is honestly harder then what I thought it was gonna be, I mean yeah I knew it wasn’t gonna be easy but this, this just sucks especially when your still in collage. I won’t lie I definitely take the acting thing more serious then the schooling but that’s because I’m a senior in collage it’s not that hard of work anymore. I only go to school 3 days out of the week and if need be I can always get sent the lectures (since that’s what 95% of them are anyway) sent to my computer if I’m away shooting. The only promblem is non of my movies I’ve been in are lucky enough to have turned out to be big success movies like the producers thought. So pay wasn’t the greatest which meant I had to be a collage student, actress, and a waitress. Plus in all of this try to be a normal 20 year girl that still has a life.

As I sat there in my apartment staring at my gmail on my computer I realized that I wasn’t gonna be able to choose which movie I wanna do next sitting in my bed like I’ve been doing the last 20 mins, so I decided to get ready for my day and head to Starbucks. I wore black sweats with a white cropped tank top and a blue jacket, with my blue Nike air forces (very basic I know but I had a lot of errands to run today). I drove to the one by the beach which was about 30 mins away from my apartment because one, I love the beach, two, it’s less populated then all the other ones so maybe I will be able to choose a movie. There are two options for me. The first option is a comedy about these three friends that drop out of collage and just go out and live there life before they don’t get to anymore. Option two is a action movie where two total strangers that get miss identified as a married couple leads them into a series of fight scenes where blood is shed but also a cute love story where these two strangers fall in love. My agent sent them into me last night at midnight, I seen them at eight o’clock which was when I woke up and it’s now ten o’clock and I still haven’t figured out which one I wanna do. As soon as I pull up to the Starbucks I order my drink and go sit down at this nice window booth and just stare out into the ocean hoping I’ll get my answer.

Ten minutes later I decided to call my best friend since the 7th grade, Aspen, I figured she would still be asleep stating the fact that she didn’t get home until 3am last night since she had to cover two other people. She worked at a 24hr dinner as a waitress just like me. I felt bad for calling her but I really needed her help. After the first 3 rings I felt hopeless in the fact that she would answer, but right before I was about to hang up she answered.

“Hey star shine “the earth says hello” I told her like I do every morning since we started living together which was 3 years ago, when we started collage. She grunted out a “what do you want”

“I need your help choosing a movie to play in” I asked hoping she’d help me. I always turned to her for this sort of stuff since she knows me better then I know myself. “Why can’t you call your mom? Im trying to sleep” I knew she was gonna say that so told her I did call her which was a complete lie because I knew my mom wasn’t gonna be able to help me choose which one to do. So after she huffed and said “fine” I told her what both of my options were about. “I don’t believe that you called your mom but go with the action movie it sounds more fun and you love doing action movies anyway!”

“Yeah ok I’ll start reading my script and stuff for the action movie.” I told her even though I knew she had gone back to sleep pretty much. “Oh and by the way your right I didn’t call my mom. Ok sleep good, love you, bye” I hung up on her fast because I knew she’d be mad that I yelled at her but it was the only way to get my answer. But like I told her I spent the next hour and a half doing my research and reading my lines for my action movie.

By the time I decided to leave the Starbucks and go out and get things done since it was my day off from school and work, it was about 11:30. I had a lot to do today, I had a meeting with my agent to discuss what movie I chose and what’s next for me. Then go to the mall to pick out birthday presents for aspen since her birthday was in two weeks. Then go to the bank to deposit my check. Next go grocery shopping which I was supposed to wait for Aspen but I didn’t feel like waiting until 8pm to do so. Unload the groceries, then clean the apartment. And finally go to the gym which I would love to say was actually gonna happen but probably not cause I normally don’t go.

When I got to the office to meet with Harrison my agent, I was greeted by his secretary. When I got in to his office he looked stressed which was the first time I’ve seen him stressed and he’s been my agent for four years. “Hey Harrison, I chose the movie I wanna do” I said with a hopeful tone hoping that his mood will change “oh really, which one?”

“The action one, I felt like it was calling to me” I said even though he knew he was lieing by the way he looked at me. “Mhm is that calling a girl named Aspen who always choses your movies?”

“Yeah yeah we get it you know when my trick on how I pick my movies, but it’s not my fault both movies sounded good” I said with a smile on my face and he just chuckled. “You ok Harrison?” I asked with concern in my voice. “Yeah I’m fine Spence, there’s something coming up and it has me on edge and yes it has to do with you, but it’s good don’t worry and before you ask no I can not tell you” he said with a serious tone which he rarely uses, so I knew all I could say was “ok” weather I wanted to ask questions or not.

I ran all my other errands before I went home to clean and relax. All day my mind had been on what Harrison told me. I wish I could know just a little about what’s making him so stressed. When I got into the apartment with the few things we needed from the store Aspen was awake and cleaning the bathroom which was a little surprising because she’s always done the food shopping and I’ve done the cleaning. I don’t know why it’s always been like that but it has and it’s worked for us. “I seen your text that you were at the store so I started to clean I’ve just started on the bathroom no where else.”

I forgot I texted Aspen that I was at target to make sure she didn’t need anything. “Awe thanks that honestly means a lot to me but if you wanna go unload the food I’ll finish cleaning.”

“You sure? Cause I don’t mind.”

“Yeah I’m positive no offense but it takes you a little while to clean it doesn’t take me long!” I said with a little chuckle cause she knew I was right. “Yeah your right have fun!” She handed me the cleaning the stuff and just chuckled as she walked out to go put the food up.

About an 45 minutes later I finished cleaning our apartment, the apartment might be small but it gets dirty really fast. By the time I got to relax it was about 4:30. “So when I had my meeting with Harrison today to discuss the movie I chose, he said that something was coming up that has him on the edge of his seat but it has to do with me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it all day” I told Aspen with concern in my voice. “ mhm that’s weird Spence honestly it could be something to do with the movie. Which speaking of the movie does it have a name yet?”

“No at least not that I know of. I just know the background of my character, my lines, roughly how long it’s gonna take to film, filming dates, filming locations and that’s it.” As I said that I realized that I didn’t know much about the movie I was filming, normally I know way more then that.

“Wow so there keeping you in the dark about a lot of stuff. Does Harrison know anything?” She asked with the same curiosity that I was feeling when I walked into Harrison’s office earlier today. “No I don’t think so but I didn’t ask.” I said and if I was being honest I didn’t care because in 2 weeks I will figure out all of my questions I’ve had.

#celebrities #fanfic

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n and ranboo

this is an extra part to the great adventures series

summary: part two to the angst imagine (the not so great adventures of y/n tommy tubbo jack and ranboo) it’s a happier ‘ending’ please read what is written in bold

this is an “alternative ending” around 15 years into the future this doesn’t mean this is actually how the series is going to end im writing it now and including it as part of series as their friendship is already established i can confirm y/n and the group are going to have a happy ending when the series eventually comes to an end this also does not mean the series is anywhere near the end i plan on continuing the series as vlogs come out, i feel the need to confirm this now love between y/n and ranboo in this imagine is completely platonic

it had been about a month since you last streamed whereas ranboo continued to stream a few days after the fallout as he wanted to make sure you were going to be okay. even though ranboo knew this huge fallout would eventually happen, it still hurt him, especially since he knew there was no way to prevent it, the four of you in the same house mixed with the stress of being some of the most-watched content creators made living rather difficult. it was like walking on eggshells as you didn’t want to interrupt someone's stream, then there was the additional stress of obsessive fans finding out where the four of you lived, you still remember that day very vividly. you were sat in between tubbo and ranboo watching the office whilst Tommy was in an interview when you received a message from your mod.

Chris: hey y/n I received this message earlier I don’t want to scare you, but maybe get the locks changed. someone sent a message claiming this is your address *image of message from ‘fan’*

it didn’t take long for tubbo and ranboo to receive a message from their mods saying the same thing

“holy shit...”

“chances are Tommy has the message too. we shall go check around the house when Tommy is done with the interview.”

luckily no one ever showed up to the house, but the fact some people were so obsessed to the point they found your address was enough to put everyone in the house on edge. and now it was just you and ranboo in the house. you didn’t feel safe as even though ranboo promised to not let anything happen, you didn’t wanna risk it.

“we should move. there’s no point in having such a big house for two people, what are we going to use the extra space for heh? hide and seek with people who have our address. no thank you. I say we move leave this mess behind and start completely over, hell I’d feel safer in the us and that’s saying something”

ranboo agreed the house didn’t have the happiest memories attached to it anymore, it hurt walking past the hallway as it would bring back the memory of him crying into the crook of y/ns neck whilst tubbo left the house.

“let’s do it, I’ll do an early stream then we can look for houses. go take a shower. I’ll stay close to the door so you’re safe, then you can stay in my room whilst I stream, you can join me if you would like.”

“you’re being very protective all of a sudden...let me guess you got the message from our mods announcing the obsessive fans are at it again?”

“go take a shower.”

“no.”

ranboo ended up picking you up, carried you to the bathroom and turned the shower on before putting you on your feet.

“quick shower I’ll see you later.”

and with that he left the room shutting the door behind him, 30 minutes later you got changed and followed ranboo to his room ready to join him whilst he streams

“hey boo, can I join you? I kinda wanna get into streaming again.”

“I'm so glad you asked, I was going to do a face cam stream, if that’s okay?”

“of course.”

you grabbed his mask and glasses whilst he locked the door so you were both safe. “here you go.”

“thank you.”

the pair of you started the stream and it was honestly going well, you were having so much fun you forgot about all the negative things currently going on, you began to understand why ranboo continued streaming as for those 2-4 hours of streaming it felt as though everything was back to normal. 3 hours later the two of you ended stream and Twitter went crazy. tweets ranged from fans talking about how ranboo was streaming with you, how Tommy was in chat, and how tubbo was modding as people who mentioned anything about their address being leaked were banned by tubbo. the one thing that caught ranboos eye was fan art and a picture of you both from the stream captioned ‘they’re platonic soulmates your honour’ ranboo went as far to like, retweet and comment on it.

ranaltboo: glad you liked the stream it was great having y/n back, think I might make them play tattletail next stream

definitelynoty/n: isn’t that the Furby game that terrified you in 2021? bring it on boo!

Twitter went crazy over this interaction, you had finally come back to social media after months of being inactive, and it looked like you were here to stay. a month later you and ranboo moved out of the house and sold it to your aunt and her wife and their three adopted children, you explained the situation and even changed the locks for them all before they moved in.

“Please do tell us if anyone shows up who shouldn’t be. we changed the locks as you were aware- oh hello little one.”

you noticed one of their children decided to cling onto your leg

“I like your hair it’s colourful!”

“Indeed it is.”

“WOAH A GIANT!”

the little girl let go of your leg and ran to ranboo asking to be picked up, unsure of what to do he looked towards you. however, you were too busy laughing about the fact he was compared to a giant.

“I'm so sorry uh if you want to pick her up you can, you don’t have to.”

“pick me up, tall man... I want to be taller!”

ranboo ended up standing next to you with an arm around your waist whilst the child sat on his shoulders happily playing with his hair.

“ranboo do not drop that child.”

“I didn't- I didn't plan on it y/n.”

eventually, it was time to leave and the child reluctantly let go of ranboo.

“bye-bye!! hope to see you soon!”

soon enough you were at a smaller house, far away from the old house, leaving behind the negative feelings. it could only get better, a week later the pair of you had settled into the new house, it finally felt like home. you and ranboo were now streaming full time again, safe to say the two of you were thriving and closer than ever.

“so I’m thinking if I hit the sub-goal today I’ll let chat pick what colour I dye my hair.”

“make it higher, and I’ll let you cut my hair.”

“Are you being serious? oh my god!”

a few minutes later you took to Twitter to announce you were going live.

y/n: kidnapping children in the sims with ranboo psst check the subgoal.

within 20 minutes you had hit the sub-goal, chat ended up picking another random neon colour for your hair.

“right hair dye and the cutting stream will be this weekend, now let’s go back to kidnapping.”

tubbo, tommy, and jack felt awful for what happened and went back to the house where you used to live, hoping to see you there so they could apologise, tubbo knocked on the door only to be met by a young child.

“my sister watches you on twitch!”

“oh that’s lovely.. are y/n and ranboo here?”

an older woman came to the door.

“oh no, I’m sorry dear they both moved out, but they left this box and said to give it to you if you returned.”

“do you know where they moved to?”

“I'm sorry dear, I'm not allowed to tell you that information for safety reasons.”

“I understand, thanks anyway.”

they ended up going back to jacks where the three of them had been staying.

“We should open the box.”

tubbo opened the box and emptied the items onto the floor, inside was the rocks y/n handed tubbo from every trip, photos of the group, a necklace y/n had gifted to Tommy a day before the argument, and a hat y/n had taken from jack during a trip to a zoo.

“what the fuck!”

“holy shit!”

“they really kept all these in hopes we would come back?”

“and now we’re too late.”

it was now the weekend you and ranboo were ready to stream, you stood leaning on ranboo who was significantly smaller than you as you lowered the chair he sat on.

“starting stream...now.”

after the starting soon intro played, you explained what was happening to any new viewers or people who didn’t watch the stream.

“so I’m about to become Edward Scissorhands...I love that film can we watch it later?”

“yeah mhm sure!”

you didn’t know this but your ex best friends were watching and ever so often would show up in the chat.

“so boo, what are we doing with your hair today?”

“just a trim please darling?”

“This is y/ns hairdressers you get what I’m capable of!”

you ended up doing a pretty good job of cutting ranboos hair, even he was impressed.

“I didn’t doubt you for a minute!”

“mhm sure thing please don’t mess up my hair tall one!”

soon enough you had the dye on. 45 minutes later you left to wash it off, leaving ranboo to entertain stream,

“chat I think I missed some of their hair it’s okay, I own scissors, I’ll just cut it.. speaking of they did a great job, didn't they? I honestly expected them to mess up.”

a few minutes later you joined ranboo again and spent the next few hours talking with chat. tubbo, tommy, and jack stayed the entire time. they loved the fact you and ranboo were able to stay close after what happened, Tommy noticed you were still wearing the necklace he got you many years ago and spammed them chat with him tubbo and jack

Tommy: THEYRE WEARING THE NECKLACE!!

jack: so what? they clearly don’t wanna talk to us.

tubbo: shut up listen to them.

“chat why are we spamming platonic soulmates?”

“they’ve been saying it all over Twitter, look on trending y/n.”

you started to blush slightly at all the amazing artwork soon enough the stream came to an end, after saying goodbye the pair of you sat together going through fan art. unfortunately the one that caught your eye was this one twitter post where the artist had created a drawing of a piece of paper with you, ranboo, tommy, tubbo, and jack, however the paper was ripped separating you and ranboo from the others, captioned ‘it was never meant to be’ this clearly upset ranboo as he took off his mask and glasses placing them on the desk before going straight to his bed.

“boo…are you okay?”

“Are you tired of me? are you going to leave next?”

“what? no of course not! I could never get tired of you, why do you ask?”

“everyone else has left..i thought they cared about us, i knew it would happen eventually and i couldn’t stop it, i’m sorry, y/n, please don’t hate me.”

you sat on the edge of the bed looking down at the floor,

“come here.”

you watched him roll over to face you.

“you know there’s no one else who I'd rather spend the rest of my life with, right…if i hated you i wouldn’t have moved house with you. it’s not your job to fix everything and make everything better, you’re a streamer for christ sake not a therapist.”

“i guess so.. can we watch that thing you were on about for ages.”

“edward scissorhands? “

“mhm!”

you could tell he wanted to be distracted, so you agreed and put the film on, towards the end you began to get upset due to how overwhelming everything was.

“Why are you crying?”

“poor Edward.”

“come here.”

ranboo pulled you into a hug you laid there crying into his chest, he knew that wasn’t the reason you were crying, but he wasn’t about to make you tell him, luckily it didn’t take long for you to stop crying as ranboo quickly distracted you.

“ranboo..”

“yeah y/n?”

“I feel bad i didnt realise how much pressure was on you whilst everyone was arguing.”

“Hey, it’s okay, is that what’s upsetting you?”

“mhm.”

“don’t blame yourself, i’d do it all over again to keep you safe and happy..then again i didn’t do a good job on keeping you happy.”

“you did..you were always there for me even when i gave up on social media, you shared your room with me after i started receiving creepy messages from that obsessed fan, hell you even went on adventures with me even though it was clear you hadn’t been sleeping, just so we could spend time together and forget about what was happening. you mean a lot to me boo.”

“i love you.”

“i love you too bud, I’m tired.”

“go to sleep, it’s been a long day.”

“okay.”

“you just staying there?”

“yes.”

“oh, oh okay, goodnight.”

about a year later the two of you were still thriving, ranboo got you a promise ring a few months earlier.

“heh what’s this for?”

“as your best friend i promise to stay by your side and keep you safe and make sure that you’re happy, in other words you're stuck with me till the end of time.”

“boo…i really don’t know what to say.. thank you so much!”

“you don’t have to say anything!”

you ended up going out to buy him a promise ring when he started the stream and decided to take your cousins with you now that they were a little older. ranboo was doing a facecam stream when the door slammed open revealing you covering your three younger cousins ranboo not realising you were hiding them from the camera, instinctively stood up covering the camera

“ranboooooo!”

“yes you three and y/n ,what do you need?”

“we would like to watch a film!”

“Okay, i’ll go put one on, y/n will you entertain chat?”

“sure thing boo boy!”

once they left you sat fixing your hair forgetting you were wearing the ring chat noticed this and went crazy, so did Tommys group with tubbo and jack.

tubbo: that’s a ring, right??

jack: yeah looks like it.

Tommy: holy shit I always thought if anyone was gonna get married it would be tubbo and y/n, they were inseparable.

tubbo: hilarious.

jack: it could just be a ring, no one mentioned marriage tommy!

Tommy: we should congratulate them.

jack: at least let them explain fucking hell.

soon enough ranboo came back into the room,

“sorry one of them found it hilarious to steal my glasses...”

“they’re little shits i swear to god but i love them.”

you both noticed chat going crazy and both looked at each other before laughing.

“i'm sorry, i can’t take you serious in the mask and glasses!”

“i can’t take you serious with neon hair, but here we are!”

“rude!”

you and ranboo quickly put an end to the rumours,

“no we’re not engaged or married, it is a promise ring. no they’re not our children, they’re y/ns cousins they just spend a lot of time here..chat stop calling me and y/n parents and comparing us to phil that’s not..that’s not how it works okay!”

“parent arc!”

“y/n, don’t encourage them!”

“it’s a little bit funny!”

soon enough the bit came to an end and eventually ranboo ended the stream.

“hey boo look what i got you”

you handed him a little black box, inside was a ring similar to yours

“i promise to always stick around and be here for you”

“oh my god”

ranboo tackled you into a hug thanking you several times for his rings. you and ranboo were living your best life meanwhile jack, tommy, and tubbo were stuck dealing with the guilt of what happened, but they’re weren’t giving up that easy. they wanted you both back, that’s when you received a notification, tommyinnit has sent you a message request: hey y/n can we talk..please?

taglist

@dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @uselesssapphickitten @l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @kylobensgirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @renleicrashed @augustine-is-joy @c1loudee

#mcyt x reader #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt writing #mcyt imagines #mcyt imagine #mcyt reader insert #mcyt fluff #ranboo x you #ranboo x reader #ranboo imagine #ranboo x y/n #ranboo fluff #tubbo x y/n #tubbo x reader #tubbo x you #tubbo imagine #tubbo angst #tommyinnit angst #tommyinnit x you #tommyinnit x y/n #tommyinnit x reader #tommyinnit imagine #jack manifold imagine #jack manifold x y/n #jack manifold x you #jack manifold x reader #jack manifold angst #dsmp reader insert #dsmp imagine #dsmp fanfic

[mcwriting]

it's just part of the job

This is a once shot based on a request by @laurentrvn! I really loved the idea and tried to stick as closely to the prompt given, so I hope you enjoy!

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 1248

Warnings: can't think of any, it's pure fluff

><

You were exhausted, to be frank.

It was just past 2 a.m. in yours and Tom's London home as he prepared for a late night TV interview based in Los Angeles.

The show was taping his part at 8 p.m. their time, which converted to 3 a.m. yours during the summer months.

Normally it wouldn't have been that big of a deal.

You were so proud of Tom for his upcoming film, but you were actually in the middle of shooting your own movie in the city, something you'd been busy doing all day long.

Crazy hours are just part of the job, though.

The interview wouldn't be long, so you'd agreed to stay up with your boyfriend and make sure he was well styled so he wouldn't have to call other people to the house in those early morning hours.

Thankfully, you were going to have a two-day work break anyways as your film's scripts went through some minor rewrites.

Because of the ridiculous hour, your stomach had decided that 2 a.m. was the perfect time for a snack, so while Tom dressed you had decided to scrounge around the kitchen until you found something good.

You brewed some tea in the meanwhile, both you and Tom deciding that this wasn't an ideal time for coffee, especially considering you hadn't slept in at least 20 hours.

You walked into the bedroom, a small tray in hand with the tea and snacks stacked carefully.

"Hey I got some fruit and some cookies but let me know if- woooow..." you said, brows raised once you saw Tom's outfit in the reflection of his full-length mirror.

He'd chosen to dress in a shirt you loved, a button up with thick vertical stripes tucked into some grey slacks, an outfit which was reminiscent of 70s fashion.

You had to laugh at the fact that he was even wearing pants, though. Unfortunately he'd learned the hard way what it was like to forgo pants on a zoom meeting, so he swore to wear them for any video call from now own.

Who knew, he might even be asked about it in his interview tonight after his boxers had previously gone viral.

Tom turned and smiled at your pleased reaction, walking towards you. After you set the tray down, he snaked an arm around your waist and planted one kiss on your forehead and another to your lips.

"Think I look good, eh?"

"I'm loving the fit, but we need to put a little makeup on you," you said, shimmying from his grip and disappearing into the bathroom to find the foundation his stylist had explicitly told him to use tonight.

When you returned, he was indulging in a chocolate chip cookie, the crumbs all over his mouth.

"While you finish that, I'm going to start on your forehead," you explained as you began dabbing a beauty blender along his hairline. After a few minutes, he had an even layer painted over his face and neck.

"Am I done now? I'm supposed to log onto the call soon," he pouted.

"Almost, I just need to swipe on a little blush and neutral eyeshadow and you'll be all set," you answered, focused on picking out a blush color that would look natural on camera.

"I don't even get why I need makeup. They're going to be seeing me from my shitty computer camera and office lights. I mean look at you. You're not wearing makeup and you look great!"

You paused brushing a light rouge over one cheek to give him a half lidded look.

"Nice try, but we both know I look like I was run over with a truck," you joked.

It's not like you were even trying to sound self-deprecating, it's just that you had been awake far too long after having done a physically taxing shoot all day.

The second you'd gotten home, you'd showered and gotten rid of any trace of makeup, leaving you bare faced with damp hair that wet the collar of your old t-shirt.

"Well I think you look beautiful," Tom reiterated, kissing your forehead again as you went to grab eyeshadow.

You hummed in response and quickly brushed a light tan color over his eyelids to complete his look.

"Okay, all done. You did a good job on you hair," you commented, still instinctively reaching up to reposition a curl.

"Well that's perfect, because I need to get logged on. Why don't you relax and I'll come get you when I'm done, yeah?"

You nodded and let him go, watching him head across the hall as you sat at your vanity, sipping on the tea you'd made for yourself.

><

Though it took almost 30 minutes of sound checking and ensuring a good connection, Tom's interview had only lasted about 10 minutes.

When asked about the time in London, he'd only had one answer:

"It's just part of the job"

As expected, he'd had to show off his pants and make sure everyone knew he was wearing them despite the wee morning hour. Also unsurprisingly, he'd been asked where y/n was, explaining her taxing day and praising her for helping him get ready.

Once he closed up his laptop, he got up and turned out the office light. He then untucked and unbuttoned his shirt, ready to put on some comfy clothes and get in bed.

"Hey I'm don-" he paused and stopped in the doorway, grinning.

In the 40 or so minutes since he'd left you, you'd fallen asleep with your head down on the vanity, a half-eaten cookie in hand and your hair splayed all around the desk.

"Darling, are you awake?" he asked in a whisper, his hand gently placed over your shoulder, to make sure that you weren't just resting your head.

When he got no response, he knew you were actually asleep.

Tom quickly removed his unbuttoned shirt and exchanged his slacks for sweatpants. He also haphazardly took a makeup wipe to his face, knowing that leaving makeup on his face would cause it to break out.

Once he was cleaned up, he came back into the room to take care of you, starting by removing the cookie from your hand and placing it back on the tray.

He sat you up, your head rolling backwards until his hand could catch it. Thankfully you hadn't scooted the seat forward at all, so all he had to do was hook an arm below your knees and the other around your back.

He stood with a little huff, your dead weight no match for his strength.

Though you were asleep, your head instinctively turned into his chest as he transferred you a few feet and laid you gently on the bed where he had folded back the covers.

The missing warmth of his skin awoke you as he shuffled to the other side of the bed, so you stretched and yawned.

"Sorry that I woke you love, I was trying to be gentle," he whispered, sliding onto the mattress as you rolled to face him, still exhausted.

"It's okay. How did it go?"

"Amazing of course," he punctuated the statement with a forehead kiss. "He asked what you were up to."

"Hmm. What did you say?" you asked, cozying up to Tom.

"I told him you were out partying while I worked all day, as usual," he joked.

You snorted, not having the energy to fully laugh at his joke.

"It's just part of the job," you retorted. You were starting to slip away again.

"G'night, Tom. Love you," you slurred hazily.

"Good night, darling. I love you, too."

><

A/N: Ugh this was so cute are you kidding me??? Pretty much all the credit goes to @laurentrvn like I said before. I was given pretty much the backbone of this fic and just filled in the missing pieces, so I hope it's what you were imagining with this!

Thanks for reading!

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[pale-cheezit]

Long post!!! Personal story- do you think this guy was being creepy or friendly??? Do you think he had any fucked up intentions???

So i have this seasonal job i work for the city every year during winter where i just sit and supervise the warming houses for the ice rinks at some of the parks around the city. It pays well and i dont have to do much and its a nice way to bring in extra money. Im usually working at nights until around 8 p.m (it gets dark around 5 this time of year) and often times, theres no skaters around, especially once it gets later into my shift. So im usually alone and theres not a lot of people hanging out at parks during this time of year. Ive always made sure to do all i can to stay safe and have pepper spray and shit on me. Ive had a few people say weird shit to me and had to kick kids out for being loud assholes when theres little kids and families around, but never anything alarming. The last year i worked this job was before the pandemic started and i think it was like one of my last shifts before it started getting too warm out and i had one alarming, red flag situation happen. BUT i still dont know to this day if it was a guy being friendly or being creepy. It was around 7 at night and i was alone and these 2 guys, probably late 20s, early 30s came in and they were normal and said hi to me and then went about getting their skates on and they went and played hockey for a bit. When they came in to get their stuff put away, one of the guys started asking me questions. He started asking fairly normal things like "so you get paid to just sit there?" And "how long are your shifts usually?" Which is stuff i get asked pretty regularly while working because people are surprised that the city actually pays someone to literally just sit there and supervise the building. Anyways, this warming house had like 2 rooms- with a sort of half wall in between. I was on one side and he was on the other so i couldnt see his face or anything during the conversation. So he starts asking me more questions like "are you usually alone when you work? Do your friends come to hang out with you?" "What times are your shifts?" "What time do you close?" "Do you always close at 8 p.m?" Yeah....very sketchy questions. So at this point, my brains going RED FLAG RED FLAG WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS HE ASKING ME THIS STUFF IS HE BEING FRIENDLY OR IS HE TRYING TO DETERMINE IF HE CAN COME BACK AND RAPE ME??? Sounds paranoid typed out like that but im a woman alone and unarmed in a fairly vulnerable situation, so yes my mind is gonna go there. So i immediately started lying and saying shit like "oh yeah, my friends are almost always coming to hang out. Im usually never alone like this. My boss comes to check on me all the time." Just trying to signal to this man as much as i can that im not completely alone and vulnerable. Eventually they left cause i dont think he was gonna try anything with his friend with him (thank god) but yeah, as soon as they left, it was still like 30 mins till the end of my shift but i packed everything away as quickly as i could and just got the fuck out of there. Because he knew what time my shift ended and i had no idea what was going through that guys mind and why he was asking me those creepy questions. I knew my boss would tell me to leave right away and that id be justified in doing so. Hes always very protective of the girls that work this job at empty parks at night like that and never wants us to feel unsafe or anything like that. Even if that guy had no weird intentions at all, i know i made a good choice in leaving right away and i would do it again in an instant if that happened to me again just cuz i trust my instincts and better safe than sorry and all that. So yeah, if anyones actually reading this, what do you think? Do you think this man was being "friendly" or do you think I was possibly in danger that night and he was actually fishing to see if he could come back and get to me?

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression - Ep 44 'Guitar Center' preparing to file for bankruptcy & Urgent announcement.

On screen text:

Notice

27th Dec 2020 (Sun) 23:30~ The Freedom of Expression LIVE #3 Live broadcast.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe, Tasai, welcome. Well, I feel kinda attatched to the topic this week. Joe, please could you..?

J: Yes, its sad news, but.. America's largest musical instrument retail chain 'Guitar Center' is preparing to file for bankruptcy. According to the New York Times, its possible that the chain might go bankrupt due to business difficulties. The chain is the biggest musical instrument chain in America, and has around 300 stores nationwide. Taken over in 2007, the business struggled hard with the switch to online sales, but was pretty successful in two and a half years, and up until this February had been increasing sales for ten quarters in a row. However, because Guitar Center is dependent on in-store sales, the business took a huge hit from the coronavirus pandemic. Sales for the most recent financial year were declared to be $2.3 billion, but the chain has $1.3 billion in debt, and its credit rating was downgraded in April. According to the New York Times, the chain fell behind with interest payments of $45 million this month for the first time ever, and although they have been given 32 hours, there is a chance they will default on thier debts. According to specific sources, Guitar Center have been in contact with thier creditors, will file for bankruptcy within the month, and are considering a plan to withdraw at the start of 2021. 

K: It says within the year, right?

J: Oh, yes, sorry, within the year.

K: The first time I went to this store was about 23 or 24 years ago, when we went to America for recording. We were taken there..me and the other members, but it was so huge!

J: It is huge, yeh.

K: It was in LA, but I never relised that type of place existed.

J: Its Hollywood, right?

K: Yeh.

T: How big was it? Like how many guitars?

K: It was as big as a Japanese supermarket.

T: Ehh?

J: Its as big as a wearhouse, isn't it?

K: Well, yeh, it looks like that from outside too.

T: Was it like the instrument shops you see in Tokyo?

K: No, no, no. They normally don't have drum kits and stuff assembled in stores here, but they do there.

T: Ehh? Thats really big.

J: It is. So Kaoru, did you go there and test out the guitars?

K: I have done. But back then, I didn't really feel any preferences as for the instruments, I just got the feel of the place. I was just like, 'Wow, Im in Guitar Center!'. It was a great feeling seeing all the different instruments.

J: The Americans try out the instruments pretty enthusiastically, don't they?

K: They were really good! haha

J: Right?

K: The people playing...I gradually just stopped trying stuff out there.

J, T: Hahha.

K: But when we go on tours and the equipment breaks or something, we have been to Guitar Center to get replacements before. So if it disappears, we could be in a bit of trouble on tours.

J: Thats right.

T: Yeah.

K: Its a bit risky ordering stuff online to arrive at the venue in time.

T: Of course.

K: If you go to the store you can just get what you need and leave.

J: With 300 stores, it seems like there are quite a lot in big cities, so if anything happened on tour, you could just drop into one of the stores..

K: Yeh yeh yeh.

J: And they would have what you wanted.

T: America is amazing. It says here they worked hard with the move to online sales, but don't you need to test-play a guitar before buying? Is it ok to buy online?

K: Nah, but people buy everything online these days.

J: Yeah.

T: I kinda imagined you would go to the store, play the instrument, and then decide you want to buy it.

K: Well, yeh. But I didn't test out my first guitar before buying it.

J: Oh, is that so?

K: It was a specific model that was sold out, so I had to reserve it..

T: I see.

K: And pay for it in advance, then wait till it arrived.

J: Ehh? But you knew what type of guitar you were getting though, right?

K: Yeh, I knew what shape it would be and stuff, but its cause that was my first guitar.

T: By the way, how old were you when you bought your first guitar?

K: Around first year of high school.

T: Ahh, I see.

J: Ahh. Eh?! First year of high school when you bought your first guitar?

K: Yeh. I started playing a bit earlier than that using borrowed guitars.

T: So, you thought, 'I want one', and bought your first one, right?

J: I bought my first electric guitar when i was in Junior High school. Everyone starts a band at that age, don't they? And I thought, if Im gonna do it, then I should be on guitar, right? With drums you really need space at home to set them up, so I couldn't buy a set. I bought a kind of cheap guitar/amp set for beginners. But I couldn't play the F chord properly, it was pretty frustrating.

T: This will make me look clueless, but Kaoru, how many guitars have you actually bought?

K: I havn't really..

T: Oh, not many?

K: No, I havn't actually bought that many...Like 10? I usually have them made through contracts with ESP.

J: But by now you have signature models and stuff, right?

K: Yeah. I mean, I will buy a guitar myself if I want to play it at home or something.

J: Ahh. Well, its kinda sad seeing these musical instrument stores disappear.

K: I've always had the impression that musical instruments don't sell in large numbers anyway.

J: But..well, i've done some interviews in relation to this, and it seems like musical instruments have been selling quite well during covid. Especially in America, it seems like there was a lot of people in the countryside playing guitar at home. But as for sales, they would probably buy online, especially during covid when you couldn't go to the store in person, I think some of the stores would have been closed. So even if online sales have increased...like with Guitar Center, if you have that many stores..there will be the burden of maintenance costs, staff wages, rent, and somehow the debt will grow and grow. But if online buying continues to develop in this way, we might see an increasing trend of people who play guitar without having tested it first.

K: Hmm, yeh, they won't be trying them out first. ???*1

J, T: Yeah, thats right.

J: What are your thoughts on this, Kaoru? About the concept of a test-run disappearing?

K: I wonder whether young people will still buy guitars. I think the people buying them will be like wealthy people etc. But I don't think young people these days are that interested in buying a guitar and starting a band. If they do become interested in musical instruments, I think it will be more and more online sales.

J: I wonder how thats gonna go, with the guitar makers and musical instrument shops struggling..

K: But even if guitars sell, I wonder if there is anyone who will still buy amps?

J: Ahh, I see.

K: Young people these days don't really buy amps, do they? There are amp simulators now, so you can buy one of these machines and input the data digitally, and then just use a regular speaker.

J: And thats just enough, right?

K: Well, you can do it like that, yeh. And you can simulate lots of different types of amp, so you can get specific sounds. People probably aren't buying the real thing these days.

J: But the subtleness of the sound is different, isn't it?

K: Its totally different.

J: Right? Its completely different. So its...Well, for peope like us, we've heard the sound coming through amps at live houses, we've been hearing that kind of sound for years, but for young people, in one sense a different sound is...

K: (*Kaoru talking about amps/simulators. I don't know enough about amps to really get what he means here, sorry!*)

J: Ah, so if they start thinking there is only one choice, rather than listening to the old types and making a reasoned decision?

K: Yes. So even now, if you go to a Japanese musical instrument shop, there used to be amps all lined up, like Marshall or Fender etc. Now, there are no amps, but many types of simulator machines. You can just buy them and take them straight home. It seems like they sell well. So if you find one guitar that is easy to play, and you have one of these simulators, you can make all sorts of sounds.

J: Yeah.

T: I see.

J: Like usally, if the neck is different, the responding sound will differ, but you will be able to compensate for that with a simulator, so..

K: I don't think many people do that.

J: Oh, right.

K: But I don't know.

Kami: Um, can I ask something? Um, I've played guitar before. But I got blisters straight away, and my wrist started to hurt. Does that happen to you too, Kaoru?

T, J: Haha

T: Thats a grest question to ask a guitarist, Kami.

K: Well, during recording...or like when recording something all in one go, it does start to hurt, haha.

T: Haha

J: If you are playing non-stop? But hey, I wonder how this situation will look in 10 or 20 years?

K: There'll be no music stores like Tower Records etc by then.

J: Yeh, yeh.

T: Hmm, yeh.

J: Old guys will be sad. 

K: But even with cars and stuff, there is that kind of rental service now, isn't there?

T: Carsharing?

K: Yeah. So won't car showrooms eventually disappear?

J: I think so. And with clothes, there's a high possibility that stores will start to disappear.

K: Oh, now you mention clothes, do you remember that online thing we talked about before where they put the clothes that you like onto your photo?

J: Yeah, yeah.

K: I had thought about doing that, but the site has shut down!

J: Ah, its over?

K: Yeah, so I couldn't do it.

J: Oh, thats a shame.

T: It is.

J: So many businesses have been hit by covid, I think the view that we see before us will be a lot different by next year, or the year after. Getting aound this will have an effect on the way we live or express ourselves, I feel.

T: I lived on an island in Kagoshima when I was little. We had a Shamisen in our house, it had a kind of plastic stick to play it.

J: Can you play, Tasai?

T: No, not at all. I only ever just picked it up sometimes for fun.

J: You could show us a Kagoshima folk song to finish.

T: Haha, no no no. Why?

J: I don't know. To wrap it up?

T: No, it wouldn't wrap it up, haha. 

K: In that case, Joe, you should play guitar.

J: Lets perform together sometime!

K: No way!

T: Joe!

K: No thanks, haha.

J: I'd gain prestige by playing with Kaoru from Dir en grey. There would be no merit for you though, Kaoru.

T: I'd go numb, I wouldn't be able to play at all if I were you. haha. Playing next to a pro.

J: Well, what can I say? I have big dreams. No, but if we did play together, I'd practice, I'd give it my best.

T: Of course.

K: Well, yeh.

J: If, for example, we played together on this youtube channel next year, I'd be serious about practicing.

Kami: I'll do it too.

J: Kami too?!

K: Hahaha

J: Would you, Kami?

Kami: I would.

K: But your hands would start to hurt.

T: Right.

Kami: I'd practice.

J: You'll practice? In that case, we could have Tasai on Shamisen too, and all play together.

T: Shamisen is ok? Well, I guess its a stringed instrument like guitar.

J: Lets announce something.

*...silence...*

K: Hahahaha

J: No-ones getting on board with this?

K: hahaha

J: Oh, nevermind then! haha.

K: Well, if the opportunity arises, right?

J: Yes, if the opportunity arises.

K: Ok, we'll finish here for this week. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

On screen text:

Notice

27th Dec 2020 (Sun) 23:30~ The Freedom of Expression LIVE #3 Live broadcast.

*1,2 Couldn't catch.

* Feel free to inform if it looks like I've misinterpreted some of the amp/simulator talk.

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #tfoe #kaoru #薫

[alpacaparkaseok]

Mine

12. Skydiving with no parachute

Genre: Min Yoongi x oc

Warnings: none

Word Count: 3.3k

“You’re all packed and ready to go, right?” Sebastian’s voice is loud and clear as I put him on speaker phone and place him on the nightstand.

“Just about,” I respond, folding another shirt and placing it in my suitcase. “I’m just wrapping it up right now. What time will you guys be here tomorrow?”

Bong-cha is out for a meeting at the Bighit building, she promised to come back as soon as possible so we could enjoy the evening together. I decided to make the most of my afternoon and pack everything up.

“Rhea said we’ll swing by at 6.”

Our flight leaves tomorrow morning at 9:30, sending us back over to Europe for another week of promos and then we’ll be off to the states. Home sweet home.

“Ok, sounds great.”

“See ya tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

For all that’s gone on over the past few weeks, today is too calm and quiet. I have the entire house to myself, nobody is blowing up my phone, and I have nowhere to really go today. Any other day, I would have been over the moon about my current situation...but I can’t help but feel a little restless.

Yoongi and I brainstormed yesterday for a long time, trying to figure out just how we were going to make this work. Living on opposite sides of the world and the both of us having busy schedules that just so happen to be in the spotlight isn’t exactly making this easy.

There was a point yesterday where Yoongi stopped mid-sentence and looked at me with bright red cheeks.

“Is this moving too fast? I mean, I know you said we’re on the same page, but I think we should try to make this as normal as possible, you know?”

That statement alone was enough to have me swooning over him all over again. “I’m with you on that. I think right now...should we just focus on the basics?”

To be honest, I still don’t even know what we are, but I’m just happy to know that we are something.

At least, that’s what I’m trying to entertain myself with now that I’m just sitting on the couch and staring at Bong-cha’s TV. I’m not even sure what I’m watching, the thoughts in my head are too loud to think around anyway.

There’s a lot that I end up doing within the confines of the apartment. I can safely say that I’ve completed 12 ½ squats, 3 pushups, and one thirty second wall sit.

I’ve also eaten approximately three meals in the past two hours, so yeah. Boredom can be a dangerous thing, can’t it?

The reality of the situation is this: I’ve completed everything I need to do for the day, and now I’m just trying to stop myself from marching back into my room and folding Yoongi’s black shirt for the fifth time.

Eventually I end up scrolling through the outlines my agent has sent me, mulling over each option. There’s one project that is especially calling my name, but from what I’ve heard there’s a couple of pretty big actresses going after it.

I’m in the middle of a very convincing monologue when Bong-cha walks in.

“Wow,” she chuckles at me while dropping her bag on the counter. “Looks like you’re having a great time.”

“Oh, yeah.” I shrug, putting my phone away. “I’m trying to memorize this monologue for an audition. It’s all about this forbidden love back in the 1700s, it sounds like it would be pretty intense. But people love that kind of crap, you know? Hey, how was your meeting?”

Bong-cha is slipping into her room to change into something more comfortable. “It was fine, pretty boring. Just wrapping up some final details. Jungkook said to tell you hello, by the way.”

We both know who I’m really itching to ask about, but I refrain from asking for the time being. “So what’s on the agenda for tonight? We can go out, eat at that one restaurant, you know the one by the park? That place never gets old. Or we can stay in, order takeout.” I quickly add once I notice the look of pure exhaustion on Bong-cha’s face.

Rolling her shoulders, she shoots me a tired smile. “Don’t you want to go out? I don’t want to be lame for your last night here.”

“No, I really don’t care. Sometimes it’s nice to just chill at home.”

It doesn’t take much more convincing before Bong-cha is on the phone and ordering up some food. We settle down in the front room, bickering over different movies and chatting about my promo schedule.

“So you’re going back to Europe? Why? Weren’t you just there?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Yeah, but we weren’t able to finish up everything that we wanted to because we came here. So we’ll be there for a week in Germany and Italy.”

“And then you’re heading home?”

“Yep.”

“When are you going to start bringing me souvenirs? I always-” Bong-cha is cut off by the sound of someone knocking on the door. “Oh, there’s the food. Anyways, like I was saying- oh!”

I jump up from my seat, heart pounding in my chest as I hope against hope that a certain dear friend of mine is at the door.

“Hi, I intercepted your delivery guy.”

Jimin holds up our food with a shy smile, giving me a little wave. Bong-cha takes a moment to recover, but when she does she invites him in and scolds him for doing the deliverer’s job.  

“Are you packed now?” Jimin asks me from where he’s unloading our food on the counter. Bong-cha is moving about in a frenzy, pulling glasses from the cupboards and shooting me panicked expressions any chance she gets.

It’s all I can do to not burst out laughing at the situation. “Yeah, everything is ready to go. Actually, would you mind taking something back to Yoongi for me?” When Jimin nods I rush into my room and grab the black t-shirt from my bed.

“Wow, you stole his clothes? That’s pretty bold of you,” Jimin teases me before setting the shirt down where he’ll remember it. “Here’s your plate.”

I take the plate from him, making some lame excuse about needing something from the kitchen and sidling over to Bong-cha. “Invite him to stay for the movie,” I breathe out, hoping she hears me.

“Have you eaten?” Bong-cha asks as she stomps on my foot. I yelp, rushing out of the kitchen.

“No, not yet. I’ll eat later, though.”

“Well...Cara and I were just going to watch a movie tonight. You can stay if you want, we’ll order more food.”

Jimin’s smile could power New York City as he looks at Bong-cha. “Sure, that’d be nice.”

We fall into an easy conversation, the three of us lounging about and scarfing down our food. Jimin ends up ordering a ghastly amount of food and treats, so much that it looks like we’re hosting a party. I can tell that Bong-cha is one churro away from offering Jimin her hand in marriage as he laughs at a funny part in the movie.

7:06 ME: Soooo Jimin and Bong-cha?

It’s surprisingly easy to angle my phone away from their attention as the two of them are lost in their own little world. One watches the movie while the other watches the person, and then they switch.

7:09 MYG: What, the fact that he’s completely whipped for her?

“What are you over there giggling about?” Bong-cha asks me, wiggling her eyebrows. Jimin tries to do the same, looking like some evil experiment.

“What? The movie is really funny.”

“Cara.”

“Yeah?”

“The main character’s mother just died.”

“Oh.”

Jimin leans back, stretching a bit. “I bet she’s texting Yoongi. That’s all he’s ever doing these days, anyways.” My face burns which leads Jimin to give a triumphant shout.

“Has he confessed his undying love for you yet?” Bong-cha asks. Jimin jumps in next.

“He basically did yesterday, didn’t he?”

“No, Cara just said that they’re working through the basics. No ‘I love yous’ or anything yet.”

“Yeah,” Jimin rests his hands on his knees, angling himself toward Bong-cha. “But actions speak louder than words.”

Now Bong-cha leans forward as well, my own participation in this conversation long forgotten. “That’s true, but you can’t just rely on actions alone! Sometimes words are necessary.”

“So girls want actions and words?”

“Of course they do! Actions can be misleading, words at least offer a clear explanation!”

Jimin looks like he’s caught between telling Bong-cha he loves her or pulling her closer. “But words can be misleading as well! Why can’t people just connect the dots through someone’s actions?”

7:12 ME: Oh my gosh they’ve got it baaaad

7:12 ME: This is honestly the most fun I’ve had all day, just watching them. Are they always this oblivious?

“Because nobody should have to rely on that one thing alone! There should be a healthy balance between actions and words. Say what you intend, and follow up with your actions! It’s as simple as that!” Bong-cha is nearly panting, but there’s a hint of a smile curling around her lips.

Jimin scans her face for a moment longer, eyes lingering on the bridge of her nose and the way her hair falls into her face when she’s riled up.

“Huh. Interesting.” With that Jimin sits back, returning his attention to the screen. Bong-cha follows suit almost immediately.

“Idiots,” I mumble under my breath.

“What was that?” Bong-cha asks.

“Oh, nothing. Just reading out loud.”

🌙

12:17 MYG: Sorry, I just got out of a meeting. I didn’t mean to not respond. To answer your question, yes. They’re always like that.

I’m wide awake and staring up at the ceiling when Yoongi messages me. Snatching my phone from the bedside table, I scan the text.

12:18 ME: You just finished your meeting? Why was it so late?

12:20 MYG: I had to change some things with the mixtape, so there were a lot of things to go over.

Frowning, I hastily type out another question.

12:21 ME: What are you changing? I thought it was perfect the way it was before, but I’m sure whatever you changed will be good too.

12:25 MYG: It’s not as bad as it sounds. I just finally found a concept that I thought really fit. Now we’re just trying to make sure everything flows with the concept.

12:27 ME: What’s the new concept?

A while passes before Yoongi responds, and I try to trick myself into thinking that we’re done talking for the night so I can finally get some rest. Of course, once my phone lights up with a new message I’m just as awake as ever.

12:52 MYG: You’ll see when it drops in December 😌

12:55 ME: Rude.

12:57 MYG: Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping right now? What time are you leaving in the morning?

1:00 ME: Leaving here at 6, flight leaves at 9:30.

Sighing into the darkness I watch at those three little dots appear at the bottom of the screen. I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t disappointed that I didn’t even get to see Yoongi today, but it’s just now that I’m realizing I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

I’ve told myself a million times today that this is just how it’s going to be, and that I’ll just take what I can get. If it’s tired late night texts, then I’ll take it.

I think that scares me. It scares me, how little I want from him. How he has so much sway over my heart.

It’s a good scary, I think. Like the kind of scared you get before you jump out of a plane, your first time going skydiving. Right now I’m just hoping that my parachute isn’t riddled with holes, but as I stare at those three little dots, I’m wondering if I even remembered to put a parachute on in the first place.

1:02 MYG: You should go to sleep, Car. Let’s facetime tomorrow? Just shoot me a text when you land.

As my tired fingers text out a goodnight, I can’t help but feel like I’m an idiot for skydiving without a parachute, because the ground seems to be approaching too fast.

🌙

All I know is there’s an alarm going off, and I want to kill it.

“Whaaaat do you want from meeee,” I groan out as I fumble in the darkness for my phone. Once it’s silenced, I check the time.

5:15 am. I’m disgusted.

Stumbling around the room until I hit the lightswitch, I hiss as light fills the room. Through squinted eyes I can see my suitcase and the clothes I laid out for today. I’m ashamed to say that I nearly sustained a concussion while attempting to put my pants on, my tangled legs and the dresser being the main culprits.

I think it goes without saying that by the time I emerge from the room and finish brushing my teeth, I’m ready to go back to bed.

The sounds of Bong-cha using the toaster guide me, suitcase in tow. Now comes the hardest part: saying goodbye.

“Do you want jam as well or just butter?” A deep, tired sounding voice asks me.

Min Yoongi stands before the toaster, decked out in sweats and a sweatshirt. His hair is a mess, standing up on the ends. His eyes are still half-closed, his lips in a pout as he turns to face me.

I gape at him, taking in what I think might be his best choice of outfit ever. “Is this a dream?”

He shakes his head slowly. “It’s too cold outside to be a dream. Jam or just butter?”

Later I’ll cover for myself and claim that my tears were just a side effect of the early morning and the long day ahead of me, but right now I can’t think up any excuse as hot tears start falling down my cheeks.

“J-jam.”

Yoongi’s eyes widen as he notices my predicament, and he clears the kitchen in no time, leaving the toast abandoned. I think he must be tired as well, because he doesn’t even hesitate before pulling me into his arms and squeezing me tight.

My arms wrap around his back, hands getting lost in the fabric of his hoodie. He presses his lips to the top of my head, the action causing me to snuggle in even deeper and get his hoodie all wet with my tears.

“Y-you came...and made m-me toast?” The words are muffled, but it’s quiet enough in the house that he hears me.

“Should I not have?” Yoongi asks, and I pull away just enough to look up at him, scowling.

“No, I’m happy you d-did. It’s just…” I take a steadying breath, more tears flooding my eyes as Yoongi looks down at me with a soft expression I’ve never seen before.

“I know.” He pulls me back in, hands rubbing soothing circles on my back. “I know, Car.”

We stay like that for a long while, and it’s only when my sniffles have subsided that Yoongi gently takes my hands in his and leads me over to the kitchen island. I sit down, watching as he spreads butter and then jam onto my toast.

Setting the plate before me he reaches into the fridge for some orange juice and pours us both a glass.

“Sorry, it’s probably cold now.”

I shake my head, taking another bite. “Still tastes good. Thank you.”

“Oh, that reminds me.” Yoongi gets up, one hand tracing over my shoulders and he walks over to the couch. “This is for you.”

He hands me a small package wrapped in brown wrapping paper, a black ribbon tied around the middle. I raise my eyebrows at him.

“A present? Can I open it?”

“Open it when you get to your hotel tonight.” Yoongi looks a bit embarrassed as he sits back down, and I realize that he might be feeling a little out of his element here. After all, when was the last time he ever had a relationship?

I get up and put the package away in my suitcase, groaning when I check the time. Everyone should be here in about 5 minutes.

“Times up?”

Looking up I see Yoongi wandering over to me, hands pushing his hair back in an effort to tame it. I nod solemnly.

We don’t speak a word as I meet him halfway, fingers entangling themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck. He closes his eyes for a moment, and I take advantage of the situation, leaning up and pressing a peck to his jaw.

I can hear his sharp intake of breath, quickly followed by Bong-cha’s annoyed voice.

“Really? Get a room, losers.”

Blushing madly, I try to squirm out of Yoongi’s grasp but his gruff laugh has me stilling in his arms. “Turn around, Bong-cha.” Without waiting to see if she will, Yoongi leans down and presses a long, slow kiss to my lips.

It’s not nearly long enough as the sound of a car honking outside pulls us apart. Yoongi has a somber look in his eyes as he gives me an encouraging nod and a small peck to my forehead before stepping back.

Bong-cha skips forward, launching herself into my arms. “You two are gross, but I still love you.”

“Love you too,” I whisper, my tears threatening to make a reappearance. Bong-cha seems to pick up on it, shoving the handle of my suitcase into my hands and pushing me toward the door.

Yoongi beats me to it, swinging it open and clenching his jaw as a blast of cold air hits us. Without a word he takes my suitcase and heads out, leaving me with nothing to do but follow him and hope I have everything.

“Bong-cha?” I turn around to see my friend wrapping her arms around her middle.

“Yeah?”

“Keep me updated. Jimin...he really likes you.”

My friend doesn’t have it in her to roll her eyes, instead just nodding before waving me off. She’s never been one for goodbyes.

Yoongi is already at the car, handing my suitcase off to Ren who hoists it into the car. He looks like he’s freezing, but as he turns to wave me over I decide that freezing looks good on him.  

“Be careful, call me, text me, have a safe flight-”

“You’ve got to stop worrying so much, Yoongs.”

Smiling down at me even as he shivers, Yoongi pulls me in for another embrace. There are so many words hanging between us, but I choose to sweep past them and opt to nuzzle my face deeper into Yoongi’s neck.

“See you soon.”

I sigh, hoping that I will. “Yeah, soon.”

🌙

The airport, flight, and car ride to the hotel pass in a blur of shapes and colors. I vaguely remember there being a mob at both the Seoul and Berlin airports, but I was stuffed so tightly between security that I could hardly see anything.

Now, sitting on the edge of my bed, I hold onto the little package from Yoongi. Holding my breath, I untie the ribbon and tear open the paper, chewing on my lip.

An audible gasp leaves my lips as I hold up Yoongi’s black t-shirt. As it unfolds, a small slip of paper flutters to the ground. Holding the shirt to my nose I grin as I realize Yoongi must have sprayed it with his cologne. I wonder who’s idea that was; my bet is on Jimin.

Grabbing the paper, I flip it over to see Yoongi’s handwriting.

It looks better on you.

Chuckling softly to myself, I hurry and slip the shirt over my head. It’s quiet in here, but soon the sound of my video call fills the room as I anxiously wait for Yoongi to pick up.

Request a holiday BTS imagine!

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[incarnateirony]

It's possible Flash's premiere #s don't look as hot as usual because of the blow-up after the firing of H@rtley Sawyer, the guy who played R@lph Dibny, after past racist/misogynistic tweets of his resurfaced around the time the Floyd protests were bursting across the country. It sparked debate about whether he should be fired for older opinions when he's supposedly changed (not noting that flash is also a work-place and not just a tv show), but ppl were saying they'd no longer watch bc of it

Tiny violin for the CW (it could also be the shuffled timeslot, we’ll see)

Is AA really the only non-cancelled/final season show they have running above like 0.15 that doesn’t have some sort of major bullshit around it? It would explain why it’s up 20% on the year to year average while everything else is 40-60% down. (Or in Walker’s case, down almost 30% within the same year as its forebearer within the same 12 months period in the same time/slot).

CW only partially depends on live--I’ve said this. But if its live space completely devalues, their ability to sell ads that make up for their costs of running broadcast deplete, their ability to be sales worthy to cable networks is shaky, etc. Like when--was it Spectrum? Turned off the CW as well as several other channels on a related package for how much they wanted to air it.

It’s one thing for your normal shows to be running 1/3 everyone else with your tops running 1/2 everyone else or in SPN’s case at the time a few years back before it had a minor crunch (and I do mean minor, bronlies would never understand how little the descent meant what they would claim it did) almost 2/3 everyone else (around S11-13--and SPN was like 2nd-3rd on the network then). It’s another if your shows are by and large running 1/6th the average and your tops are running 1/3 the average.

Selling that adspace is gonna be a bitch. Especially if the products are all surrounded by controversy.

There’s the fact that the parent companies bankroll it expecting digital profit, but if they’re skewing way too old, they’re not even going to stream well to make up for it (Nancy Drew, Walker at the top of that list, the latter way more.) The others will handle okay digitally, but the question is at what point is it just not enough?

What’s summer going to look like, especially when the US is mostly vaccinated? What’s fall going to look like once decline kicks in?

Again, CW’s products are down 40-60%. The industry average from 1 year prior is 13%... across 5 networks, of which CW is one. If you remove CW’s crunch, it’s actually more like... 6% on other stations. Which is what I mean with this year’s YTY not being the same as other years with more people watching classic TV live on classic stations seeking entertainment during covid. CW used to be the one holding above the line, not diving below it.

There’s a good question-- will it only drop another 13-15% between now and fall, or will the universe catch up once everyone can resume normal and it drop more like 20%? And if CW is running 6-40 now, well... let’s say 3 x 6 20, 40 x 6 = 240? UH. Well we can’t go negative ratings but. Let’s take 0.1 down as the -40. Well it can’t go 0.6 down. 

It will be fascinating to see how it translates. CW might already be so bottomed it doesn’t matter. a show running 0.2 losing another 40% for example will be running 0.12

All I can say is CW better hope, truly, this is “just” boycott impact and that it can’t spread any further. A show running 0.2 right now losing 15% by fall season will at least “just” premiere at 0.17. And that’s where most of their “big” shows are gonna settle this season -- 0.2. Multiple properties are running under 0.1. Many will inarguably be under it by fall 2021.

In a literal best case scenario, unless CW’s ratings somehow get a miraculous bounceback, it’s Fall 2021 average season ratings are likely to look like:

S&L: TBD, but maybe 0.18, if we’re being nice, it it could land at Walker level. Flash: 0.17 (if it even comes back, rumor it isn’t) AA, if it holds: 0.15 Walker: 0.12 Riverdale: 0.1 Batwoman: 0.1 Charmed: 0.07 Nancy Drew: 0.07

While the industry average is probably gonna be around 0.56~

Ouch?

You can go “live doesn’t matter much” only so long.  Then keep in mind they have to figure out what to do by fall 2022 when those numbers go down to like 

S&L: 0.15 Flash: 0.15 AA, if it holds: 0.13 Walker: 0.097 Riverdale: 0.078 Batwoman: 0.078 Charmed: 0.059 Nancy Drew: 0.059

*if all shows maintain retention.* While the universe will be like 0.47 around it.

Charmed and Nancy Drew would be rounding down to 0.0 by 2023. Batwoman and Riverdale would be fighting not to. Walker will be running a strong 0.08 if it's lucky. Flash won't be around by then. AA may... maybe. It's shiny new premieres might debut at a strong 0.15 before falling in 30% like its recent premieres to uh *checks notes* 0.1, woo. With a TV universe operating around maybe 0.38.

 If they tried to air another year.If they pushed through Fall 2023, by Fall 2024, s everal of these products will be rounding down to 0.0 that didn’t. Think: Riverdale, Batwoman, Charmed, Nancy Drew, all 0s. Walker, if it stays “strong”, around 0.06. Everything else not breaking 0.1, even with a TV universe functioning at 0.29. Like, that’s its best situation kind of thing, too. That’s assuming there’s no more 40-60% drop for the CW specifically. Which is the point on continuing to make noise NOW. Because the 2022 or 2023 numbers could even hit by Fall 2021 if the press stays on.

At some point, CW classic broadcast is going to be forced to fold them, several years before the rest of TV channels are going to have to.

Then the question is what happens to CW products.

Remember what I said about kicking CW in the shins so you can hold the parent companies accountable directly? And that now was the time? Yeah.

I don’t think the CW is going to be around by fall 2023. The question is how much we can speed up its heat death, and force companies to make hard choices. Does HBO REALLY want to order CBS products that don’t even perform digitally just to feed money to CBS and not keep it themselves? Will the WB deal in management stand if they’re not married over a child company to host it on Max? How many years until Walker is grounded to CBS All Access? If they even choose to keep producing it?

How many years until we stop being fed bullshit marketing, and start making the parent companies actually manage their products and put it on main TV if they’re gonna be shitlords about the content with a woke rainbow flag on CW anyway?

Keep. Kicking them. In. The shins.

Do it. NOW.

This is also why it’s important to stop streaming all content that ever aired on the CW through paid platforms like Netflix and Amazon.

Those companies pay to host that product to gain subscribers. If the material isn’t performing, they stop paying the IP holders--be that WB or CBS--meaning it’s harder for the CW to peddle its products off that way.

Jazz. Fucking. Hands.

KEEP. KICKING THEM. IN. THE SHINS.

STOP. STREAMING. ANY. OF THEIR STUFF.

KEEP. BEING. LOUD.

Join #IStandWithNadria May 18 7pm est. 

Schedule your tweets NOW. There’s plenty of content to use in the tags already if you need material.

[sadachmesarthim]

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm anxiety brain go brrrrrr starker brain go FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFHHHHHHHHHHPPPTPTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFHFHHFHHHHHHHH

ᶦ'ᵛᵉ ᵒⁿˡʸ ˢᵉᵉⁿ ᵐᶜᵘ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿᵗ ᵘᵖ ᵗᵒ ᵉⁿᵈᵍᵃᵐᵉ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᶦ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿᵍ ʰᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵉⁿᵈᵍᵃᵐᵉ. ˢᵒ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶦˢ ᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿ ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡᶦᵃⁿᵗ ᵘᵖ ᵘⁿᵗᶦˡ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᵃˢᵗ ᶦᵈᵏ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ,, ³⁰ ᵐᶦⁿˢ ᵒᶠ ᴵᵂ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵍᵘʸˢ ʷᶦⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁿᵒ ᵒⁿᵉ ᵈᶦᵉˢ ʷᵒᵒᵎ ʰᵒᵒʳᵃʸᵎᵎ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᶦ ᴰᵒ ᴺᵒᵗ ᴸᶦᵏᵉ ᵁⁿʰᵃᵖᵖʸ ᴱⁿᵈᶦⁿᵍˢ™

content: weighted blankets, post iw-fix-it, talk of therapy but in an okay way

- peter's the only one that likes traditional therapy. sit down for 50 minutes and talk to the same person once a week every week type shit - he's so into it. because peter's so good at bouncing ideas off people that can click with him on a brainwave level

- and even though he’s more into biochem than he is psych, he can still rattle off dsm5 diagnoses and criteria better than the average trauma therapy patient. he likes seeing his therapist, even if she doesn’t have compound clearance yet (she’s technically not even licensed to practice in the state of new york, just california and washington, but tony pulled some strings for his favorite young adult. she’s the highest rated and regarded clinical psych social worker on the west coast and peter took to her so well... what was he gonna do, say no?)

- but peter’s been so active in his mental health journey - he’s been facetiming at least one friend every single day, getting a few hours of outside time every week, making sure to eat at least a couple of meals every day and getting to sleep at a ,, semi decent time. 

- but his anxiety is still off the charts a year into grief and trauma therapy - he’s doing everything right but he’s still restless at night, still jumpy during the day, still can’t do serious missions because he’s too reactive

- and he feels like no one in the compound gets it. none of them want to talk about his appointments with him. no one was willing to look into therapy for themselves, so talking about their feelings is like talking to a bunch of brick walls. 

- none of his normal/human friends get it either. sure, some of them are in therapy. but for, like, normal human reasons. how the hell are they gonna be able to relate to fighting an alien in outer space 

- they aren’t 

- so he decides to look into weighted blankets

- he honestly thought they were bullshit, for a long time. how can a blanket full of beads make him less flighty?? less lonely?? less likely to punch the nearest unidentified footsteps in the face without warning/cause?

- but he caves, and decides to buy one anyway. he finds a nice one online - 30 lbs, the heaviest he can find - and purchases it. 

- it arrives at the compound a few days later, and peter’s actually a bit more excited for it than he initially thought

- he pulls it out and tries it out that night and oh,,, ,my god it’s the best sleep he’s gotten in fucking months dude

- he wasn’t even intending to but peter ends up napping for five hours after crawling underneath the grey blanket, brain completely shutting off. even his spider is calmed down, not getting overwhelmed by the smelltexturepressure presence of the new, unfamiliar fabric

- usually he’d have to get used to something like this. the blanket hasn’t been his long enough to be ,, fully comfortable around it. it’s foreign it’s new it’s not something he’s used to but it’s still the only thing in the world that can get peter parker to have a completely nightmare-free 8 hours of sleep 

- so his spider shuts its god damn mouth, and peter is ,, so much better. 

- it only took a week for his headaches to get better, his nausea to completely go away. his hands don’t shake anymore and he can talk without feeling his blood turn cold. it’s new and it’s exciting and it’s so nice to finally be able to do things anxiety free

- so peter starts bringing his blanket EVERYWHERE - i’m talking to breakfast, to meetings, to team debriefs, to the lab, to his telehealth sessions

- the team is starting to notice his new shadow and they’re ,, obviously a bit confused because the kid is 20 for fucks sake why does he need a security blanket but he excitedly explains the science and physiology behind it to thor one day during dinner when the god very blatantly questions him (totally without malice though, he’s just a big dumb god who wants to know if the blanket is a friend like the Strange man’s cape or if it’s somehow different)

- and they all seem to get it - they might not be in traditional therapy but it kinda clicks for them after listening to peter explain it in thousand year old asgardian terms 

- peter kinda forgets about the conversation until he smells another new blanket as he’s coming into the common room one day

- when he rounds the corner he sees sam, curled up on one of the couches, covered in a blanket just like his but a much darker grey, snoring softly and completely unaware of just how loud the movie in front of him is (argo, for some reason. why the fuck would you watch a show about exfiltration and prisoners of war, sam, that’s literally so triggering)

- the next person to get one is thor, but he’s not really a fan. says he “cant find one that is truly heavy enough” and “are you really sure they make them for men as superior and strong as i, young spider?” which is really fucking funny because peter can literally lift 11 million tons and could probably throw thor halfway across the planet before the blonde could say “what” 

- and peter kinda laughs and agrees, like “yeah dude, mine’s way too scratchy but it gets the job done”

- and they voice their complaints loudly enough that tony can hear. and, of course, being simultaneously the best friend and the perfect housewife, he makes a call to wakanda to see if he can’t get some vibranium to them within the next couple of days

- he and bruce and peter spend the next, like, week in the compound labs figuring a way to design enhanced-friendly weighted blankets. it took a bit longer than expected - tony wanted them to be soft enough for peter’s sensitive skin, resilient enough to handle hulk’s temper tantrums or thor’s lightning blasts, and dense enough that anyone enhanced could actually reap the cocooning weight benefits

- but they eventually found a design that worked ! really well actually, and peter was so excited he ditched his old blanket immediately

- and soon, everyone was carrying around their own custom stark weighted blanket - nat and peter’s with matching spider and web designs, cap’s with the shield, tony’s covered in blue triangles (like the core he made in IM2) 

- if they all kinda agree that the kid might have been right about this one, no one says it out loud. but it was understood, and very apparent

- especially when they started having family movie nights in the common area, and they all brought their blankets. to show peter he wasn’t alone, to show him that he was right, and maybe to show him that yeah, he’s making them better

- especially when, one right after the other, they all start going to therapy. some in person, some with telehealth, some... offworld... but they all start going

- and especially when, eventually, they stop needing the blankets altogether

#.inebriatedposting #am writing this with my weighted blankie on top of me #i just envision them all curled up on the huge U shaped sofa #all of them with snacks #all of them under their various weights of blanket #cuddling and curled up and just #so soft #it's such a soft image in my mind #i want more domesticity among them #i miss that a lot #domesticity among this group of people #that have killed together #and died together #and lived together #it makes me sad #anyway #peter really do be the glue #.text #.mine #mcu #starker #because tony is the best boyfriend who would import several thousand pounds of a very obscure metal for his precious baby #hehe

[kerikaaria]

If I Never Met You: Chapter 10

(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader

Genre: (PG13) Fluff, angst

WC: 3k

Warnings: Injury (I don’t use much detail but just in case that would bother anyone), someone’s rude

Series Masterlist

Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11

“I already told you, I really don’t need all of you to help me move.” I addressed the seven eager boys trying to pile into the van with me and Sejin oppa. It was rather impressive that they all managed to be awake at 6 in the morning. “It’s basically just my clothes and a couple personal belongings and that’s it. At most just one, maybe two of you would be plenty.”

Well, that was a mistake to say. Now they were commencing a rock, paper, scissors match to decide who got to come with me. I shook my head and climbed into the passenger seat of the car, not bothering to wait and see the outcome.

I sighed as I looked at Sejin oppa who just chuckled. “Well, at least they’re excited,” he said.

“I think even that word is an understatement,” I replied. “They see me every day anyway, what’s so exciting about me moving next door?”

“Because they’ll be able to bother you literally 24/7,” Sejin responded. “And if you think they won’t, then you’ve got quite a surprise coming.”

“Is it too late to turn back?”

Sejin slowly nodded. “Looks like you’re stuck with them whether you like it or not.”

I turned my attention to the back door of the company van opening and saw Hoseok and Seokjin climb into the vehicle. I rolled down my window to address the five boys who would have to just wait for us to return. “We’ll be quick, like I said it’s only a few things. Now get inside before you freeze.”

We drove off to the college, where this would likely be my last time visiting – unless I were to go to pick up Jin of course. It felt a little bittersweet. I didn’t dislike the college, and even though I was not super fond of school in general, I liked what I was studying. I just found something I liked more, so I had to move on from it.

With the four of us, it literally only took one trip up and down to gather my belongings. The room was a single-person one so it was very small and couldn’t fit much, and I didn’t need many belongings in the first place anyway.

It was December 20th, college finals were all finished and the boys who were still in school were on their holiday break, so it was a good time for me to move into my new home. The boys were going to have a couple days where they could visit their families if they wanted to, which I was really happy to learn about. They all moved away from home to become trainees, so I could only imagine how much they missed their families. I knew I was really missing mine.

It was just as fast getting my belongings into my new home. And of course, as soon as we set the items down, the rest of the group entered through the doorway, carrying food with them.

“Guys”- I started.

“We have to have a housewarming party for you, noona!” Namjoon cut me off.

“We don’t have time for this, though,” I responded. “You guys have lessons in two hours.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll make it quick,” Yoongi responded.

“It’s tradition to eat some jjajangmyeon when you move,” Hoseok said. “We can’t let you move in without eating this with us!”

I sighed. “Okay, fine. We can eat this food together. But then I want to get my stuff put away, and you guys need to get to work so don’t think about staying long, okay?”

They agreed to my conditions as they placed the really delicious looking food on the table and the nine of us ate together.

After we ate, they took a look around my still empty apartment.

“Hyung,” Jimin addressed Sejin. “Can’t some of us just move in over here with noona? That way we're not as crowded.”

My eyes widened at his suggestion.

“Absolutely not,” Sejin responded immediately. “There’s only one bedroom here. And you cannot be living with a girl. It’s just not appropriate.”

“She is our manager though,” Taehyung chimed in. “It’s not like she’s some random girl. I wouldn’t mind living here with her!” He smiled.

“I want to live with noona, too!” Jungkook added.

I facepalmed and shook my head. Even if it were an option to consider, there was absolutely no way I was living with the hyper maknae line. Not that I didn’t love them, but that’d be like babysitting a bunch of toddlers 24/7, and without the help of the other members. Nope.

“Alright guys, time to go!” I quickly started to shoo them all out of my new home before more of them would say they wanted to live with me. As bad as I felt for the seven of them sharing a small room, it really would be bad if they lived with me and people somehow found out. I could just imagine the headlines about it now.

I got almost all of them out of my room, saying goodbye to Sejin as he left. But a very stubborn Jeon Jungkook wouldn’t leave.

“Jungkook-ah, why are you still here?” I asked him. Please don’t say you want to live with me again.

“I want to help you unpack.” He smiled at me.

“There’s not really that much, though.” I looked at the single suitcase, 2 boxes, and 1 bag of clothes sitting on the floor.

“Well, then this will be really quick, won’t it?” He said as he started opening up one of the boxes.

I sighed. “Well, just don’t touch the suitcase,” I said, giving in. It really was super sweet of him to want to help and since they still had an hour left before needing to go to the company, I didn’t really have an excuse to say no.

It took us a whopping 30 minutes to get everything in its place, and by the time we were done, you could still hardly even tell anyone lived here at all. I was not looking forward to what it would cost me to buy all the things I was missing, especially when I looked at my completely bare kitchen. But at least the room came with a television so I wouldn’t be super bored at home.

“Thank you, Kookie,” I said. “You’d better go back to your hyungs, you have to get going soon.” I placed my hands on the either side of his face and lightly kissed him on his forehead as a thank you. Ever since the birthday party they threw for me, these types of gestures started to become normal for us, at least in private. I wasn’t going to have weird rumors going around the company.

When I had first given Taehyung a kiss, it hadn’t gone unnoticed and the other two maknaes started to complain about wanting kisses too, saying I was showing favoritism. Although it wasn’t like I did this all the time - they became sweet gestures here and there. They were like my brothers and I was a person who enjoyed hugs and skinship, so I didn’t mind it.

Jungkook hugged me before saying goodbye and leaving. I told Bang PD-nim I didn’t need a full day to move and get situated, but he insisted I take a day off, so I technically didn’t have any work to do today. I still wanted to check on how the social media was going, though.

We opened both the YouTube channel and Twitter account for the boys this past week and started posting there. Sejin asked me to be in charge of keeping tabs on the posts, mostly because I needed things to do but also since it was my idea. I wanted to keep an eye on comments for now to get a gauge for what people thought, but I knew we probably couldn’t keep up with them sooner or later. The SoundCloud account would be opened in two days along with a few songs, but that was going through PD-nim mostly since he had to authorize any songs that were released.

There wasn’t anything particularly interesting going on with their social media, so I quickly got bored with nothing else to do. I decided I’d go to the company anyway and probably go watch one of the boys’ lessons.

Seokjin should be starting his vocal lesson right about now, so I could go listen to him sing, if he didn’t mind. He usually didn’t, he said it encouraged him to work harder when I enjoyed listening to his voice.

I made my way through the hallway leading to the vocal lesson room, when I heard someone talking loudly.

“WHAT? SERIOUSLY?!” They said. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly where, but I think I’d heard that voice before. “That brat is a full-time employee now?!”

I didn’t need to guess who they were talking about. Luckily, I was around the corner, so they hadn’t spotted me. They were probably standing at the coffee vending machine I knew was in the hallway. But that was the direction I needed to go, so I stayed planted in my spot.

“Shh, don’t talk so loudly,” a second voice said. “But yeah, I just heard that the president officially hired her. Crazy right?”

“I can’t believe it. She is going to do nothing but hold that group down, I swear,” the first speaker said. “She doesn’t even know her place. And the nerve that she had to think that she had better ideas than us, when it’s not even part of her job. Sejin better watch out because it won’t be long before she thinks she can just step all over him.”

Definitely the woman from the meeting. My gaze was glued to the floor as I heard them go back and forth a few times, continuing to talk about me. I closed my eyes and just tried to remember what Sejin told me about ignoring people like her, but it really was a lot easier said than done when you’re in the situation.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, so I jolted my head up to see who was there, scared that the people talking had seen me. But the hand was gentle, just like the person who looked at me with concern in his expression.

Yoongi stared directly into my eyes. He pushed my shoulders back with his hands to straighten my posture, then lifted my chin to keep my head high. He leaned towards my ear to whisper, “Ignore them. We’re going to walk right past them, together. And you’re going to keep your head held high, not sparing them a single glance. Their words mean nothing, and you’re going to show that to them.”

He looked at me expectantly. After a deep breath, I nodded and he led me around the corner. I felt my stomach doing flips, because I knew I didn’t actually feel as confident as I was trying to portray myself. But the fact that I had Yoongi next to me definitely helped, so I tried to focus on him and only him as we started walking.

Not two seconds after we turned the corner, they suddenly cut off their conversation. I glanced at Yoongi out of the corner of my eye, and he turned to me to offer me a small smile. But his expression quickly changed to his poker face. He tried pulling me behind him a bit, and I turned my gaze forward to see why.

The two were walking towards us, the woman who I definitely recognized from the meeting from a few weeks ago seemingly headed towards me. By the time she reached us I was almost completely behind Yoongi, but she still managed to “accidentally” spill her very hot coffee all over my arm and side.

I couldn’t stop myself from crying out in pain as I backed away from her on instinct.

“Oops, I’m so sorry,” she said, not even trying to sound sincere.

I could see Yoongi about to say something to her, so ignoring my pain, I quickly put a hand on his arm as if to tell him to stop and replied, “It’s fine. It was obviously an accident,” I said very blankly as I stared her straight in the eyes, making sure she knew that I knew that was a lie.

Before anything else could happen, I pushed Yoongi forward a bit so we could continue walking down the hallway. After turning the next corner and knowing they could no longer see us, I finally let go of the breath I had been holding back to let the pain I was in show.

“We have to get that treated right away, noona,” Yoongi said urgently as he eyed my arm up and down to examine the damage.

“I-it’s fine,” I stumbled out.

“No, it’s not,” he said, taking his jacket off. He carefully wrapped it around my shoulders so it hid my burn and the stain on my shirt, and he quickly but gently guided me towards their dance studio.

“Wait, why are we here?” I asked when we arrived at the door.

“There’s a first aid kit in the room, just in case we get injured during practice,” he responded.

He opened the door, urging me inside with him. “It’s a standard kit so it should have burn cream. Go sit on the couch,” he ordered while he ran to another corner of the room to find the first aid kit.

I did as he asked, thankful that no one was currently practicing here. He rushed back over to me and gently removed his jacket to take a look at my arm.

“Geez,” he breathed as he pulled out a soft towel from the kit to absorb any liquid that remained. I flinched and hissed at the pain from the touch. “I’m sorry,” he said as he carefully continued.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault,” I replied, doing my best to refrain from reacting any more.

After it was dry, he got out the burn cream.

“I can do it, Yoongi,” I said.

“No,” he insisted. “I’ll be gentle, I promise. Just let me do it.”

His tone had a finality to it, so I didn’t argue back. But as he started to gently apply the cream, I did find it in me to say, “I’m supposed to take care of you guys, not the other way around.”

He looked me in the eyes at my statement. “Noona, you being my manager doesn’t have anything to do with this right now.” He turned his focus back to my arm. “Right now, you’re my friend, and I’m taking care of you.”

Despite my pain, I couldn’t help but smile at that. After he finished dressing my arm, including gauze which didn’t feel very good against the injury but was necessary to keep the burn cream from rubbing off, his eyes widened for a second in realization. “Is your stomach okay?”

I looked at the stain on my shirt. “Um, I think so. I don’t remember feeling burning there. Let me check really quick.”

Yoongi turned around so I could lift up my shirt to get a better look. “No, it looks fine. The material must have absorbed enough of the heat.”

“Good,” Yoongi said, turning around just as I let my shirt back down. “You should probably go to a hospital to get that better checked out, though.”

“I’ll be fine,” I replied. “What could they do that you haven’t already done for me?”

Yoongi didn’t look satisfied at my answer, but responded, “Alright. I can’t force you.” He glanced at my arm and shirt once more, then grabbed his jacket sitting on the couch to hand it back to me. “You can borrow this to cover it.”

I smiled at him. “Thank you, Suga.” I put on the jacket, being careful to not agitate my arm. Then I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. “For everything. Thank you.”

He returned the hug, placing one hand on my head and the other on my back while resting his head on top of mine. “Of course, noona.”

We stood there like that for a moment until the door to the studio opened, revealing Jimin, Hoseok, and Namjoon.

“Well, that’s a unique sight,” Namjoon chuckled as we let go of each other.

“Hi hyung, hi noona,” Hoseok greeted. “What’s going on?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, really. We were just talking.”

“How did you get hyung to give you a hug?” Jimin asked.

“I bribed him,” I said with a smirk.

“Yah, that’s not true,” Suga retaliated. “I’m not heartless, I can give hugs.”

“Then can I have a hug, hyung?” Jimin walked toward him, his arms spread wide and big smile on his face.

“No,” Suga responded with a deadpanned look.

I giggled at the scene. “I’ll give you a hug, Jimin.”

“Yay!” He wrapped his arms around me tightly. He bumped the burn on my arm in the process, so I bit my lip to keep from reacting, but it only hurt for a split second. After he let go, I sat against the front wall of the room. “Well, since I’m here, I might as well watch your practice.”

Hoseok’s face brightened. He really loved having an audience to show off his skills to. “Wait, isn’t that hyung’s jacket you’re wearing, noona?” he asked, pointing at me.

“I have a song to write,” Yoongi said as he walked out of the room, keeping his eyes on me.

I smiled to let him know I was okay, then turned toward Hoseok. “I was cold, so he let me borrow it.”

“Bye, hyung!” Namjoon called to him as he opened the door.

Only a few seconds after he left, I got a text notification on my phone. It was from Yoongi. “Take care of your arm. Let me know if you need anything.” I smiled and went to put my phone away, but got another notification before it got to my pocket. “Oh, and no rush on returning my jacket.”

Series Masterlist

Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11

Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope

Send me a message or ask if you want tagged!

#BTS fanfic #BTS x reader #thebtswritersclub #If I Never Met You #IINMY #Manager!reader #Idol!au #jin #seokjin #suga #yoongi #j-hope #hoseok #rm #namjoon #jimin #v #taehyung #jungkook #fluff #angst

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 36

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: idk what to write here anyway no one reads it lol! but yea im posting this for Isa because she’s probably the only one who still cares about this story lmao ILYSM!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : some requests i didnt add because i didnt want to spoil this. theyll be added in the next chapter and probably at the END of the chapter lol

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 36 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

April 7th, 2018

I fell asleep on the bed as soon as we got done with diner. I finally had a day off and an other one the next day but I had been working non-stop for 6 days until late at night (or early in the morning) and I was exhausted.  I shivered and woke up slowly, feelings my lips curl at Niall's touch. His fingertips were brushing up and down my arm, making goosebumps appeared on my skin, and I let out a low whimper.

"I missed you. How long have I been sleeping?" I asked in a mumble, forcing myself to open my eyes.

"You've been asleep for two hours." he pointed out before chuckling.

"I don't care." I let out with a childish voice. "I missed you anyway."

I squirmed a bit and ended up with my head on his lap. My lips curled into a smile when I felt his fingers slip in my hair and I breathed in, inhaling his scent and his expensive perfume.

I knew I was already fucked. I knew it was over for me and that if Niall and I broke up again at some point, it would kill me. At this point, being official or not didn't change anything anymore. I remembered back then, before I dated him, I always tried to suppress my feelings for him, I always managed to put a wall in front of them to hide them from everyone and especially myself. Right after One Direction's last tour, the walls collapsed and crashed, exposing my feelings to practically everyone, and at that time, it shocked me how much I loved him, how deep, real and intense my feelings were. They grew even more when we dated and remained stronger than ever for so long after he broke up with me. I was there with him now, my walls completely wrecked, and it made me realize that I had put my walls back in front of my feelings when I started dating Dylan but that wall was not that strong and Niall easily tore it apart without even knowing it. I was tired. I was exhausted to keep that wall there. Perhaps I had even helped him taking each brick off, one by one. Yeah, the more I thought about it, the more I was sure it was a team work.

"I was thinking we could go out tonight."

I groaned and wiggled a bit to press my face on his stomach, making him chuckle. "I'm tired."

"I know, but Louis says he misses you." he pointed out, making me groan again. "Come on, I'll buy you a few drinks."

I remained silent for a few seconds, wondering if I should go or not. I was pretty sure it would be fun but at the same time, spending time in bed, cuddling with the man I loved seemed even better. I moved a bit to lay on my back and look up at him. He was the only person in the world who looked good from this angle.

"Are you gonna stay with me the whole time?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Yes."

"You'll hold my hand under the table?" I added, staring at him and making him smile.

"I will."

"You're gonna dance with me whenever I ask you to?"

"Baby, we're not going in a club." he pointed out. It made my eyebrows raise up more and my lips part. "Fine, yes, I'll dance with you whenever you ask me."

My facial expression turned into a happy and satisfied one and I quickly got up, reaching for his closet.

"We have a deal, then!" I just said, trying to find something decent to wear before deciding on a pair of jeans and a band shirt (not a One Direction one, this time). It took me about 20 minutes to put make up on and when I joined Niall in the living room, I tilted my head as he got up.

"You look so good." I pointed out, moving closing and putting both my hands on his chest, my palms pressed on his blue dress shirt. "You're so classy and here i am, wearing jeans and a shirt."

He laughed a bit, moving his chin up slightly. "You want me to get changed?"

"No, I want you to get naked."

He laughed. "That's not happening. Louis is waiting and you know damn well he can show up just to annoy us." he explained with a smirk as I chuckled. "Tube?"

"Cab?" I argued, raising my nose up.

I didn't want our pictures taken, I didn't want to meet people, or get caught by paps. All I wanted was a nice evening with my friends and mostly, with Niall. He moved his arms around my waist, intertwining his fingers on my back and nodded slowly before sighing.

"Anything you want."

I smiled at him and moved closer to kiss his lips. He tasted good and I felt his hands move up on my back before smiling against his lips. If he changed his mind and asked me to stay home, I definitely wouldn't be against it. Unfortunately, we ended up at the bar quite quickly and after a while, I just stared at my glass, lost in my thoughts, before Louis leaned closer to me.

"'Dans la lune'?" I smiled and looked up, meeting his blue eyes. His lips curled too and he raised his eyebrows. "I've been practicing. How's my accent?"

"Almost as bad as Niall's." I just said, laughing when I saw him frown as his lips parted in shock.

"Hey, wait!" I heard, turning to Niall who was frowning too, clearly insulted. "I'm very good at that!"

"Honestly, no you're not." I admitted, raising my nose up and shrugging. "I'm sorry but you both suck at it."

"Well, you know what I'm good at?" Louis asked, getting up. "Paying beer for everyone."

He left and I turned to Niall, frowning a bit when he was looking away. I followed his eyes and my heart skipped a beat when I realized he was looking at a girl, sitting afar at a table. I took the time to look at her and bit my bottom lip before sighing. I couldn't be jealous, not now, and I couldn't pretend the girl was not beautiful. Still, it did hurt me and at the same time, it was ridiculous to expect him to never find an other girl pretty in his whole life.

"What are you looking at?" I asked low, getting his attention back.

His eyes roamed on my face and he blinked a few times. "Oh, no one."

"I didn't ask 'who', I asked 'what'..." I pointed out, licking my lips. "You were looking at that girl? She's pretty."

It was a lie. She was more than that, but it was too hard to admit.

"Yea, not bad." he replied, making me roll my eyes.

"Look, I know you think she's sexy, don't lie to me."

He sighed and reached for my hand under the table, making the left corner of my lips raise up. It was hard to be mad, or feel sad, when Niall was looking at me like that and I just tilted my head, staring right back at him. It didn't matter if he found other girls pretty, all that mattered was that he loved me, and that he wouldn't go back to his old habits.

"Okay, she's hot. But you're sexier." he bent closer to kiss me and I held my breath before he moved back slowly, remembering we weren't supposed to tell anyone that we were sort of seeing each other. He looked away, but not in the direction of the girl, and I just licked my lips as I watched him grab his beer and take a sip of it.

"Have you ever thought about having a threesome?"

He choked slightly and swallowed hard before wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. The sight was endearing and I chuckled.

"What?"

"I don't know, I was just saying." I proposed, shrugging a shoulder and making his eyes open slightly more.

"Would you be willing?"

I let my eyes move on his face and started questioning myself. I had no idea if I was and somehow, I felt like our relationship, whatever it was, was still very fragile at that point. Not our love, of course, that was strong, but the trust I had for him was still shaky and it scared me.

"I had a threesome before and it ruined the relationship I had with one of the girls. I think it's the main reason why me and her broke up."

He nodded and pressed his lips together. "Yea me too. Although I was pretty hammered I can definitely say it didn't help our couple, or whatever it was that we had." he paused and looked down before looking up in my eyes. "But we could make rules."

"Rules? Like what?"

He shrugged. "You tell me."

I stared at him again and I suddenly wished I never proposed that. I glanced at the girl on the other side of the room and felt something stir inside me. Yes, I was more confident about my body, but at the same time, I knew the bodies Niall was normally attracted to had nothing in common with mine.

"You.. can't kiss her. Or get your dick inside her." I pointed out, licking my lips nervously. "I don't want her to touch you, or-"

"Okay!" he laughed, shaking his head. "It'll be faster if you tell me what I'm allowed to do instead."

I groaned low and grimaced but I felt a bit better when he squeezed my hand again. I felt ridiculous for that feeling and I was wondering if it was my self-confidence that was getting low again, or simply the fact that it would hurt me to see the man I love making out naked with an other girl. I had seen Niall with other girls often in my life, and it has hurt me enough in the past, didn't it?

"We don't have to do it if you don't want to." he shrugged with a fond smile. "It's just a discussion for now. I mean, you know it's you I love, right?"

"Put yourself in my shoes, Niall." I tried to explain. "I mean we could have a threesome with a man."

"I'm not.. so sure." he replied with a frown.

"See?" I pointed out a bit louder, leaning against my chair and making him roll his eyes, amused.

"It's different, I'm not into men, but you're into women."

"But that's not what it's about." I explained a bit lower, tilting my head. "It's about us, and the feelings we have for each other. I've shared you so often before. I even lost you a few times. What if it happens again this time?" I sighed and shook my head. "I'll think about it."

"Hey, hey." he whispered, moving closer to me and leaning his elbows on his knees. "Don't stress over something so futile okay? I'd be totally fine watching you have sex with an other girl while I just sit close on a chair and jerk off f like a fuckin’ loser."

This time, I laughed and I just had time to see his lips curl into a smile before I tapped on the front of his cap, making it move down over his eyes. He placed it back and I noticed his eyes were shining. I tilted my head and my lips parted but just as I was about to say something, he kept talking.

"And yes, it would piss me off to see you get fucked by an other man." His gaze dropped to my shirt and moved up to my eyes again. "I'd probably throw him out."

I laughed again, feeling the sudden urge to kiss him. He smelled so good, he look beautiful and he was so close... All I could think about was grab his shirt with both hands and pull him close to feel his lips crash against mine. With all the strength in me, I got up and nibbled on my bottom lip for a few seconds.

"I'll be right back."

Quickly, I walked to the lady's room and leaned both hands against the counter, letting my head fall down slightly and closing my eyes. It was so tough to stay away from him all the time and it was starting to drive me insane. Of course, I didn't want our relationship out in the open but if our friends knew, it would make things a lot easier. I was so sure it was the right thing to do a few weeks ago but now, my certainty was faltering. It was harder and harder as the days went by and even if it was just to protect me at first, I knew it was useless now. I loved Niall. I always would. And being official or not wouldn't stop me from hurting if he decided to leave again.

Without thinking, I grabbed my phone in my pocket, moved my shirt up and bougfht my phone up too, to snap a picture. I quickly sent it to him before unclasping my bra and moving it up, taking an other picture. I sent it too just as I was getting a message from him.

'Fuck petal show me more'

My lips curled at his words and It only took a few seconds to get a second one.

'I want to suck on your tits so bad pet'

I swallowed hard and felt my whole body throb as I typed an answer. 'Do it now, then.'

I leaned against the counter and waited but when the door opened, I felt my heart jump in my chest, hoping it was not someone else. I sighed when I saw it was him and his eyes roamed on me for a few seconds. He turned around and locked the door, making me chuckle and I held myself back on the counter with my two hands.

"I hope we don't get caught."

"I don't care." he replied, making me smile more.

He took a few steps closer and even If I should have expected it, I held my breath when he bent down quickly. His lips wrapped around one of my nipples and I felt my legs tense as a short whimper got out of my throat. I felt his tongue flick on it before he sucked on it gently and when he moved to my other one, I glanced down only to see how hard the first one was. I remained motionless, my eyes half-closed, as his mouth, lips and tongue focused on my tits and after a while, my lips parted, my eyes closed completely and I let my head fall back on my shoulders slightly.

He stopped and I felt his hands on my hips, helping me up on the counter and when he moved between my legs, I felt my heart jump in my chest. His lips found mine and his hands reached my breasts as he kissed me deeply. He had moved his cap around and I just reached it to take it off, leaving it on the wet counter and slipping my fingers in his hair.

"Why didn't you wear a skirt, lover, it would have been easier to fuck you."

The sweet nickname made me smile against his mouth. I loved how impatient he was and I could feel his hard cock press on one of my thighs. He rubbed himself gently against me and I moaned again in his mouth before pulling away and licking my lips. I pushed on his chest gently and got off the counter before taking a step back as I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans quickly. He stared at me, his gaze moving from my hands to my face and back to my hands as I pushed my pants and panties down to my knees and raised my eyebrows.

"I can bend down for you."

He walked up to me, turned me around and pushed me against the wall. I held my breath as his hand moved between my thighs to reach my pussy and he groaned, grabbing my waist and pulling it closer to him before spanking me one time but hard. I pressed my palms on the wall and closed my eyes when I felt the tip of his cock press on my walls and let out a curse word when it slipped inside me. My fingers curled and my short nails scratched against the wall as he started fucking me hard and fast. His hands found my breasts again and he grabbed them hard as a balance to fuck me deeper.

I was happy both of us hadn't drank too much and when he leaned against my back, I felt his lips brushing near my shoulder as he grunted.

"No one turns me on like you." he let out, making me hold my breath again. "No one makes me cum like you."

He pulled me away from the wall and pushed down on my back, holding me there with a hand on one of my shoulders as he spanked me again a few times. I could feel myself throb around his cock as he remained still and when his other hand reached for my other shoulder. I bent down more, making sure I was far enough from the wall, knowing he was about to go harder.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me cum."

He started fucking me so hard I had to put my own hand over my mouth to make sure I wouldn't moan too loud and I felt myself reach an orgasm as he fucked me deep. I shook against him for a few seconds and he groaned, waiting until I relaxed a bit to pull out and jerk off quickly. It took only a few seconds before I heard him groan louder, the tip of his cock rubbing against my ass, and my eyes fluttered close when I felt him push himself back inside me, fucking me for half a minute before his thrusts faltered.

"Fuck. I'm so sorry." he apologized as I moved up. He wrapped his arms around me and I could feel his cock brush against my ass. "I came all over you. And then inside you."

The thought made me shiver and he ran his hands on my breasts before pulling on my shirt to cover them. He took a step back and I saw him tuck his dick back in his pants as I turned around. I moved my panties and pants up and then worked on my bra when we heard someone push on the door. I held my breath and my eyes got bigger but Niall just chuckled.

"Liv? It's El!"

Without hesitation, Niall unlocked the door and opened it, leaving Eleanor speechless. I had to admit it was worth it and I laughed a bit.

"Uhm when you two are... well, done, I guess? There's shots waiting for you..." she grimaced and shook her head. "Okay. Bye. Gross."

I laughed and walked up to Niall, getting on my tiptoe to kiss him. "Now she knows." I whispered.

"It's okay, I'm sure she won't tell." Niall tried to reassure me as I chuckled.

"Yea, like she'll keep that from Louis!"

We both laughed and shook our heads and I finally went back to grab his cap on the counter before we walked back to the table. It was useless to pretend we weren't together or anything. At that point, I knew we were fucked and that everyone probably knew about us.

"Finally!" Louis said when he saw us before pushing shots closer to us. He waited until everyone had one and he moved it up over his head to make a toast. "To Neil and Olivia, who literally can't keep their pants on when they're around each other!"

Everyone laughed and I kicked him under the table. It only resulted in him laughing and smirking at me but we all drank and I turned to Niall who was smiling fondly at me. Fuck it, why should I care if my friends knew?

                                                     ---

"I want to write a song about that." Niall said as we walked in his house.

I let my purse fall on the floor and walked slowly to the bathroom to take off my make up. "Write a song about what?"

He walked up to me and leaned against the door frame, just looking at me as I washed my face and it reminded me of that time I was too sick to do it myself and he had done it for me. It made something stir in my stomach and I sent him a fond smile in the mirror.

"A song about sex with you." he explained, pushing his hands in his pockets as I chuckled.

"Make it more general, maybe? And don't use my name!"

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Do you know me at all?"

I grabbed my phone to check the time and it's only when I saw the date that I frowned. Today was april 7th (now 8th), and I was sure I had something planned on the 6th. When I remembered, I felt my heart jump in my throat and held myself against the counter.

"Liv, hey, are you okay?"

Niall was close to me, I could feel the heath of his body against mine and his hand on my back and I swallowed hard before moving my body back up and turning to him, blinking a few times as he frowned. Could I really tell him that? Would I have the guts to say it out loud?

"Niall, I'm late."

He frowned for a second and then he understood. His lips parted and an expression appeared on his face. It looked like fear.

"It's... it's stress, right? You're on birth control?" he seemed panicked and I swallowed hard, feeling suddenly extremely guilty.

"Yea but those pills aren't a hundred percent safe." I pointed out, shaking my head before my traits softened. "No it's probably just stress, I've been working a lot and not sleeping much..."

He nodded and searched for his phone in his pocket before dialing a number quickly. I frowned and walked closer to him, wanting to ask him who he was calling but I didn't dare. He turned to me and showed me his forefinger, telling me to give him a minute and he left. I leaned against the counter again, head down between my shoulders, and felt myself tear up. I had been through so many things recently and I was exhausted. Adding a pregnancy to my life was not a good thing at the moment and I was also scared it would break something between Niall and I, and I was not ready to lose him.

He came back and wrapped his arms around me, leaning his chin on my shoulder. I looked at his reflection in the mirror and he sent me a loving smile that I sent back.

"I called the drug store. They're sending us a few tests. We'll be fixed tonight."

I felt relieved but also nervous and when the doorbell rang, we argued on who was going to answer. He won and I waited for him to come back, sitting on the couch and shaking my leg. He sat next to me and took a box out, handling it to me. I just stared at it for a few seconds until he pushed the side of his upper body gently against mine.

"Petal, it's okay. If you're pregnant, we'll adjust."

"It's gonna ruin what we have." I let out in a whisper.

In half a second, he was kneeling in front of me, searching for my eyes and when our gazes met, he raised his eyebrows.

"Nothing will ruin what we have anymore. Nothing. I won't let anything bring us apart. I want to be with you, Olivia. Okay, kids weren't planned before a few years but if you're pregnant, like I said, we'll make the best of it." he paused and sighed, noticing I was still nervous and he licked his lips. "Do you love me?"

"More than anything in the world. More than anyone I ever loved, or will ever love. You know it." I admitted, feeling my voice break slightly.

"I love you too. I'm in love with you." he stopped talking and handed me the box. "You can do this."

I was shaking when I got out of the bathroom and quickly put the stick in his hands. I was near tears, and I had been for about an hour, but I was not really sure why. His words should have made me feel better and they did, but somehow, I still felt extremely vulnerable and fragile and I was not sure why.

"Please, look at it for me, I can't do this."

I turned around, my back now facing him, and let a few tears fall before wiping them quickly. It felt like an other hour had passed and I finally turned around and sighed.

"So? Niall? Is it positive?"

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam #sorry it took me so long to update

[purplesurveys]

1139

1 - What's your favourite TV show that was released before you were born? What is it that got you into that show in the first place? My parents introduced me to Perfect Strangers when I was 10 since they both grew up watching and enjoying the show - it came out in 1986 and ended in 1993. I love it mostly for the dynamic of Larry and Balki, which was really the whole point of the series. Then there’s also Friends, which first came out in 1994. It’s my comfort show for years to come and it’ll always be a series I’ll come back to whenever I need a pick-me-up.

2 - What is your preferred brand and flavour of ice-cream? I usually just stick to Selecta and I always get cookies and cream. Sometimes I’ll spoil myself and get Ben and Jerry’s and get whatever flavor that has cookie dough.

3 - When's the last time you got something in your eye? Can’t remember the last time I either cried or felt irritated with something in my eye.

4 - When was the last time someone got you flowers and what was the occasion? I’m not so sure. It was two or three years ago, I think. I don’t get to receive flowers or bouquets often, and especially not these days.

5 - What are your plans for tomorrow? Are these normal for that particular day of the week or are you doing something out of the ordinary? It was such a draining work week so I wanna use the free time this weekend to relax; but since I’m a bit of a workaholic I might also end up finding some time to do some work on the side just to feel productive hahah. I can’t go out either since we’re experiencing another spike in Covid cases - we’re reaching 7000 new cases a day - and stay-at-home orders and curfews are in place everywhere again, so I’ll just have to make the most of my time at home this weekend.

6 - What will you be eating for your next meal? Depends on what my mom is making for dinner, but I’m guessing another pasta dish...it’s Friday, though, and I usually allot this day to have food delivered in the evening as a reward to myself for finishing the week strong heheh. I got a spicy tuna salad and sushi again :)

7 - Who was the last person to pay you a compliment? How did you come to know that person? Andi, I think. We met at an anti-Marcos rally three years ago. They were carrying a big-ass guitar and I approached them because I liked their wrestling shirt.

8 - When is the last time the weather changed your plans? What were your plans and what did you end up doing instead? That would be last November, when we were in the middle of a bad typhoon and I had to file an emergency leave because we had a village-wide power outage and it kept me from being readily available for work. I made plans to a nearby mall to get wi-fi, but our village was seriously flooded so there was no way out. I had no choice but to begrudgingly file the leave even though I really wanted to attend work lol.

9 - What's your favourite kind of liquor? Do you prefer it "plain", flavoured or in a mixer? Tequila. Preferably as straight shots, because I like having a good time lmao.

10 - Who was the last person you spoke to via video call? Did you speak to this person via video before the pandemic hit? My workplace doesn’t really make it a norm to turn on our videos unless we’re pitching to or speaking with clients who prefer video calls. But I did just come from a Google Meet (albeit just using audio) this afternoon to present a deck and that call was with my co-workers and the clients we were presenting to. And no, I wasn’t even employed before the pandemic so other than Bea, I’ve never met any of the people in the call in person.

11 - Are you someone who prefers routine or spontaneity? I thrive on routine, but I also like it spiked with the occasional spontaneity.

12 - What streaming services (if any) are you subscribed to? Do you think they're good value for money? Just Netflix and Spotify. Yeah, I’d say both are good deals, especially Spotify.

13 - When was the last time you struggled to get to sleep? What did you do to help things? I’m not so sure, actually. I have no problem passing out these days lol. If I do have trouble falling asleep, I usually remedy it by watching YouTube videos or take a survey until my eyes feel tired.

14 - How often do you get your five a day? What was the last fruit or veggie that you ate? I’ve never heard of that concept...anyway, I looked it up and it has something to do with having a good amount of fruits and veggies per day. In any case, I had eggplants in my dinner tonight.

15 - How do you take your coffee? 3-in-1, so that it’s already made and blended well for me lmaaaaao. If I’m ordering at a coffee shop, I like sweeter flavors; I never take mine black.

16 - Is there anything that you're currently putting off? When do you think you'll finally get round to doing it? Getting new frames for my eyeglasses and an updated prescription along with it. Idk man, it just seems pointless to book  an appointment for the meantime since I’m never out and I can manage during my workdays without glasses anyway. With another strict lockdown order in place, idk when I’ll ever get around to setting an appointment.

17 - When was the last time you watched a Disney film? Which one was it and is it one of your favourites? I have no idea, it’s definitely been a while.

18 - What was the last household chore you completed? Is this something you do regularly? Just cleaned out the tray underneath Cooper’s playpen since it had some food crumbs and some of his fur. Yeah, I do it every night.

19 - Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? Angela, Hans, Pia, Kyelle, Al, Gab, and Sam.

20 - Have you had your COVID vaccine yet? If not, are you going to accept it when you're offered? No, not yet. My workplace booked a bulk order for one of the vaccines - though I can’t remember which one - and we should be getting it in a few months or so.

21 - Do you have any pets and how many? If not, would you like to have one someday? I have two dogs. I’ve always wanted dogs, so I’m okay for now.

22 - What's the most unusual meat you've ever eaten? Did you like it? Carabao meat. It was fine, not horrid-tasting or anything, but I wouldn’t have it again. The one I had felt very hastily made, apart from smelling and tasting very farm-y.

23 - Do you prefer still or sparkling water and why? Still. I don’t like carbonated stuff period, so I doubt I’d enjoy sparkling water.

24 - Do you own a car? If so, could you live your current lifestyle without one? If you don't have one, would having one change your life in any way? My parents technically own it because they bought it, but it was designated for me. I mean I’d obviously survive without a car, but I’d find it very inconvenient. Booking a Grab every time would be so costly, and I’m not willing to try out our public transport anyway because they’ve been constantly terrible with disinfection and sanitation protocols throughout the pandemic.

25 - Who was the last person you made plans with and what are you going to do? Andi; we made plans to have our thesis printed and bound so that we can finally put a close to our college life hahaha. We just have to figure out a date and I also have to remove Gabie from my acknowledgments.

26 - What's the worst kind of physical pain you've ever experienced? Is this a one-off or is it something you experience regularly? Accidentally ripping my earring off my piercing was a fucking thrill I’d never want to go through again.

27 - What's your favourite length for a survey to be? Do you get put off if surveys are longer or shorter than you like? Anywhere between 35-80 questions is fine. Anything else would be too short or long. I’ll occasionally give long surveys a pass since it’s easy to take breaks in between, but I ignore short ones altogether.

28 - What colours are you wearing at the moment? Are any of those colours your favourite? I have a multi-colored striped top on and a scarlet pair of shorts. And no, I’m not wearing any pink rn.

29 - Once you've found a TV show you like, do you tend to watch it over and over again? What was the last TV programme you watched for the second or third time? Not with all shows - like I haven’t revisited BoJack Horseman after completing it the first time. I’ve been like this with Friends and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, though.

30 - When was the last time you cried and what was the reason for it? Do you feel better now? No idea when but it was probably from a heartwarming video.

#survey #surveys

[untitlednottitled]

number10

Pre-Event plannings

I had a grand plan, to be lawfully wedded to my bby on our 10th anniversary, 1 year after proposing to her on our 9th, in Jeju, in front of a field of flowers with a fantastical view of the sparkling sea. I even rushed and got the engagement ring ready before our planned trip to Korea in April! But alas, covid-19 had to happen and all was foiled. After the initial plan was foiled in Apr’20, we held out hope that we would still be able to travel by the year end.. but yeah covid gave us a great big middle finger, as yet again, cases skyrocketed and we were all but grounded in sunny Singapore. 

Finally, in Dec’20, I decided to propose before July’21! Since the ring and the JannPaul box has been hiding at the back of the closet for the past year, and i didnt want to put it off any longer.

i began to scout for and collate decor items bit by bit on carousell, shopee and other shopping sites. It was a painful process because my initial plan was to recreate “Venezia”, which was an ice cream cafe we went to at Sixth Avenue, back in our JC days before it bowed out of Singapore a few years ago. There was next to no mention of Venezia on google and I was also unable to find any useful logos of the establishment either! So that idea was scrapped. Next, there was the plan to create big cut-outs of either Monsta X or VIXX members who would seem ‘genuinely happy for the proposal’.. but once again, let down by google, as the images I managed to find were either too pixelated or not relevant enough. Sadly, that idea flopped too. In the end, I decided to go for a more normal but personal decor to surprise bby :)

Truthfully, there were many chances to surprise-propose bby, especially our most recent staycation at Park Royal Marina Bay, but I didn’t feel that I was ready to do it.. so I delayed it till our big dinner on July 10th. Why July 10th? SAF had the brilliant idea to schedule my ICT during our actual 10th anniversary date, so we decided that we would have our anniversary dinner earlier. Furthermore, after Gyu Bar, we decided that we could and wanted to try more fine dining. After much research and deliberation (between Whitegrass and Buona Terra), we finally went for Whitegrass, which had decidedly nicer deco and ambiance. 

The weekend before the 10th, bby suddenly suggested that after our big dinner, maybe we should go for a drive. This gave me a great idea - if i drove, this meant that she would have to come stay over, and then I would definitely be able to surprise-propose to her! I very easily agreed with her suggestion and went for a slightly higher-end car, an Audi. Thankfully, this rental was not far from my place and the rental wasn’t that much higher than the Honda Fit before. So far, all was going to plan. Then, we also decided that since we would be getting a car, we could travel slightly further out, eg. the East. We decided to go to Playground Ragdolls, which would be our first interactions with our dream pet for our new house! 

I ordered a huge preserved flower bouquet beforehand as well as a tiny flower-box, to be delivered on the July 9th, which was also my mum’s birthday. She requested to have chilli crabs for dinner, which my bro bought from Jumbo seafood. We had a scrumptious dinner that night, but extremely regrefully, I couldn’t invite bby to come over, because it would mean that she would see all the flowers and thus ruin the entire event. 

On the day itself

On the 10th, coincidentally, I had to take up a mover role, to help my bro move some of his guo-da-li stuff to his fiancee’s place in Pasir Ris in the morning. It was a very simple job that took up the bulk of my Saturday morning. After lunch, he sent me back and I quickly completed the deco and freshened up before leaving at 4pm to collect the car. 

Leaving at 4pm was an overestimation of the travelling time, but also to prevent any lateness. I reached the rental car location at about 445pm but could not find the car at all. Confused, i called the host and she was quite pekcek to inform me that I was 15 mins early.. i went ‘oops’ and apologised for my kiasu-ness. At least she wasn’t overly judgey about it. I took over the car and quickly got on my way to Lakeside. Along the way, the aircon vent handphone holder kept dropping everytime I made my way over a particularly high bump as the Audi aircon vent was different from the normal aircon vents i was used to, with horizontal panes. Other than the handphone holder dropping from time to time, the drive to Jurong was pretty smooth. 

I picked bby up at about 5pm and she surprised me with another street branded shirt, endorsed by Hyungwon of Monsta X. She even gifted me with a picture of him wearing the exact same shirt! I gifted her with the small flower-box and inwardly laughed as she whined about receiving another flower.. inside i was like ‘lol, wait till you get the one at night’. We drove off from Jurong to City Hall, which was supposed to get us to Chijmes in 25 mins? 

Oops, we will be so early! But in the end we spent more than 35 mins on the road, because google maps was being a bitch and not giving the correct directions and we had to circle round Chijmes twice because we couldn’t enter the place! Finally, we decided to follow the signs strictly and we managed to enter the Chijmes carpark at last. We wandered around Chijmes for awhile and took some pictures. I helped her take some pictures that she was actually satisfied with!!!! SDNJIADBNAIKFAUFAKLFDNA!!! 

After inwardly celebrating alone, we entered Whitegrass. Overall, the food was nothing to brag about, though the service was very good. Like what bby has said, the best things about the meal were the breads and the specially made financier by the Japanese Chef. The Chef came out to greet us and even wished us a happy anniversary followed by a picture of us hehe. 

Full af, we decided to drive to Sentosa cove to sneak a peek at the rich people but nope, not allowed to ba long long go in, so we rerouted to Palawan beach instead. well well well, no entry into the beach. hur. oh well, time to head home. Inside my mind was running in all directions, almost 1.5y in the making, it’s finally gona be time!!

We reached and parked in less than 30 mins and quickly made our way back home.. only upon reaching my doorstep that i realised i left my keys in the flower-box inside the car.. luckily my dad was still awake to open the door for us.

Once in, we discovered my room door was closed and i let her enter first. Once she sweeped her eyes around the room, i panicked a little and just grabbed the ring and knelt down. I was entirely FLUSTERED and my mind was blanked out. haha, i lost all sequence of events. i knelt at an awkward angle and i wanted to switch knees, at which point, bby looked down and saw me kneeling on both knees (facepalm ttm). but okay, eventually it got sorted out and we took some pictures, with creative advice from my fiancee (^^). i also told her the entire journey from the ring all the way to present time, honestly, without hiding anything. Tbh, i wanted to make it hella grand but I missed out on some deco and by the time i discovered, it was too late to order again. UGHHH. When we went off to bathe, it was already about 1am and we had an early morning ahead. We both went to sleep happy hehe. (i got myself a ring catto)

Ragdolls all day, err’ day

I woke up next to bby catto who suddenly wrapped me up in the blankets and took a picture of me -.-

anyways, after a quick breakfast, i wore bby’s present and went out. We went some place first, before heading to La Fez in the East. It was a Morrocan restaurant which had a very pink and cutesy exterior. The food was not bad as well, the bby ordered Shakshuka while I ordered the Lamb Shwarma. Not entirely filling but good enough for me!

 Next we set off for Playground Ragdolls.. but i think i missed a turn somewhere so we just parked at a nearby carpark instead. We wanted to walk to Tigerlily Pattiserie but changed our minds to head to Birds of Paradise nearby instead, since bby has been wanting to eat it. and hohoho, dark skies ahead started to thunder and shortly after rain poured down. We didn’t bring umbrella and neither were there any umbrella in the rental car.. so we decided to brave the rain. The initial rain was pretty manageable, a slightly heavy drizzle but manageable. The moment we were halfway to the next shelter however, it poured. and poured. and poured. Needless to say, we were both drenched.. and bby was wearing her Tory Burch too... nevertheless, we persevered and reached Birds of Paradise and got our ice cream too! (along the way we passed a mama shop and bought a $6 umbrella) We got roasted sesame and sea salt hojicha. Tbh, both were good but as we were practically wolfing the ice cream down and the quantity was really alot, the ice cream became pretty jelat after awhile. For the first time in a long long while, we threw away ice cream. Yes, bby was pretty horrible for throwing away ice cream, especially when she was the one who proclaimed she loved it. 

With our new umbrella, we eventually made our way back the way we came, dry this time, towards Playground Ragdolls! Since we were pretty early, we waited outside for a short while, before the host let us in. and wow, once in, we were greeted by 2 curious little Singapuras. At first glance, they looked like regular strays but on a closer look, they had a kind of refined quality that really separated them from typical strays. And then as the host continued her briefing, our eyes strayed to the ragdolls. OMGGGG all so floof and cute!! Bby and I settled down near the couch and started playing with an 8 month old female kitto. and omg she was so playful!! Immediate want! While playing, we didn’t forget to enquire more about the purchase process and also listened in on the other customers’ queries as well. 1 hour passed all too quickly, and it came time to bid farewell to the cattoes. 

On the way back to the car, bby remarked that she was a little peckish, so we decided to head to a drive-thru at marine parade.. but once there, no drive-thru to be seen!!! We stopped at the passenger waiting area for awhile to research but to no avail. Eventually we gave up and I drove her back to her house.

At her block, I helped to carry all the barang barang back up and I remarked to her that I was going to call her parents ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’ to hint them that I proposed. And I did, but apparently, only her mum caught it. Her dad didn’t, sadly. Unfortunately, I needed to rush back to return the car, so i couldn’t stay to explain further (Sorry Father, i will explain the next time i’m there!)

Anyways, I drove back to return the car and swiftly parked. The owner ‘received’ back the car without much incident also. Aaaaand that concludes mine and bby’s eventful weekend, in which we both had our relationship statuses changed from boyfriend-girlfriend to fiance-fiancee ^^. 

Honestly, I do regret not getting actual flowers for you back in 2011.. but lol, the virtual flowers confession did make our relationship more interesting though haha. Yet another interesting tale that we can tell our kids next time also. I feel so happy as I recount the entire experience and am so glad that it succeeded. This sat, we will be going to re-size the engagement ring so that bby will wear the ring for events soon!! can’t wait!!

[rigelmejo]

April Progress Update, and May Goals:

*bear with me this is gonna get long.

I’m going to first just look at April goals and see if I did them, then afterward summarize everything I did this month (cause it was a lot more than I planned ToT)

Chinese study plan from April:

1. Read anything 

Well, I did read. However my goal to read hanshe to chapter 80 and Zhenhun to the end of the sundial arc never happened. I did read a lot though. I ended up focusing mainly on extensive reading. 

Chinese chapters read: 62 (I counted graded readers/小王子 as 1 chapter for every two that I read, but this number is probably still inflated... compared to my normal 20-pleco page chapters I probably read 31-40 of those-kind-of-chapters length wise).

Chinese stories finished: 4 (Pleco Graded Reader Butterfly Lovers, Chinese Short Stories, Mandarin Companion Journey to the Center of the Earth, 小王子 - you can tell this is where my attention went this month).

Chinese Listening Reading Method chapters done: 14.5 (4.5 Silent Reading, 2 Chapters of A History of Humankind, 1 chapter hp, 1 chapter Alice in Wonderland, iffy but like 3 chapters 小王子, iffy but like 4 chapters of the Xiao Mao cat story - I should note that for Silent Reading, 小王子, Xiao Mao I only looked at the chinese mostly so more step 2, and for the others I did step 3 as recommended). Also I realize... I should probably count this with hours instead of chapters, because hours are where the original poster about LR mentioned when milestones are hit. However, being realistic, I do not do things in hour segments so I’m not sure any tracking will be as easy as this way...

A cool thing potentially about L R Method? I found some resources recently that will make this a lot easier (Bidiread is a site that can make parallel texts for you, which made silent reading MUCH easier since the audio doesn’t perfectly match so you NEED to see the chinese even if only doing step 3, to make sure you can keep track of where you are in the text when the audio skips paragraphs). I also found Francais Par Le Methode Nature as videos on youtube with audio and the text visible (is that not simply L R method step 2 but its all comprehensible, i love that book). And I found a few files on youtube of audiobooks with english audio and chinese/english parallel text on screen (a bit backwards in process but i’m curious to test it), one youtube channel who does chinese audio with parallel texts on screen (phenomenal!), and I remembered the site bilinguis exists which is excellent for French if you wanna try L R Method (it has a few french audios with the parallel texts). Also in the case of A History of Humankind - the audiobook for once is very closely synced to the actual chapter start/ends, so it was just easier to do L R Method with. 

2. Listen to Chinese Spoonfed Audio, shadowing when I can

YES I did this! I was on 11 last month, now I’m on 15. (so 4 audio this month) Yes I realize that wasn’t a lot of improvement T-T. What can I say I am not very good at being disciplined. However I did learn something interesting this month ABOUT listening to these so I think I might do it more - I listened to some in the background while playing games, then later listened to them again (also why I only got through 4 - I was replaying audios maybe 2 times). And when I listened the second time I could understand nearly all, whereas obviously when playing my game I only caught parts of it. So I suppose what this showed me is partially listening and partially focusing still may have some benefit in helping to learn the info - and well obviously its easier to make time to play audio when u don’t need to focus 100% on it.  

I also did some other misc listening to random stuff without any plan: 6? audio 1 of DeFrancis Beginner Chinese Reader, 1 audio of FSI Chinese, 2 condensed audios of Guardian (which was so cool?? also so cool i can follow along so well now??), 1 dracula chapter audio (don’t even ask i don’t know either), tian ya ke audio drama ep 1.

Chinese show episodes watched: 28 (You can see here is where my time went listening wise lol - Two Souls in One is GOOD u might wanna check it out, is all I’m saying, especially if the taiwan drama Bromance was ur thing, or the anime Ouran Host Club, or even Bureau of Transformer to a degree. I watched up to ep 25 and once its all aired to the finale I’m gonna finish it. 

Optional going through my hanzi book: I burned out on this, but it was a good use of my time when I felt like writing. I only wrote/studied maybe 30 hanzi, and maybe 50 hanzi+radicals in my Radical-Specific hanzi book. If I continue, I think my goal will be to just continue the Radical-book to completion. Realistically, longer term, I need to go through the freaking Alan Hoenig’s Chinese Character’s book just to get the hanzi and their rough meaning to stick in my head (and learn the pronunciations through well context and vocab how I normally do). Right now I just learn through reading, but its an issue of sometimes I just end up associating one hanzi with the new word I learned but then as soon as I see it in a new word I don’t even remember having seen it before. If I paid a bit more attention to distinguishing I might notice when I’ve seen them before or they’re new, and have more starting info to relate to the character to attach the word info onto. (its a convoluted way of me saying if I have things to connect to each other I remember better even if it makes little sense to connect them - if I know car and pet, carpet’s easier to remember even though it has nothing to do with cars, cry in french ‘pleurer’ was easier to remember once my brain thought ‘plume of tears’ even though that makes no sense. i just remember things better than seeing pleurer and having no idea what to attach it to at all - even if i heard it means cry, if i don’t have a thing to associate it with i’ll forget easier. or melancholy - i had to associate it with melons, and cholly - reminds me of words for sickness so heavy-sick +sad is how i started finally remembering that word cause wow did i look it up over and over as a kid).

---

Japanese study plan from April:

1. continue through nukemarine’s memrise courses. 

Okay I did do this!! Congrats! In March I had completed LLJ 3 - Kanji, 289/318 finished in LLJ 4 Tae Kim part 1. As of April, I have completed: LLJ 4 Part 1, LLJ 4 Part 2 51/365, LLJ 5  Core Vocabulary 420/1020. So yeah! Going quite well, in that I consistently did it - I realized for me the best time to do it is playing video games oddly enough, or watching youtube - just do it in between areas, or ep scenes/videos, as a short 5-10 minute break. Since I like taking breaks from things anyway. Like audio, its hard for me to find ways to get myself to do stuff like this (except worse cause I don’t vibe with flashcards).

My goal for May will probably be finish LLJ 4 Part 2, LLJ 5, and start LLJ 6? I can dream right...

Also, a cool note: I found audio-flashcard files that people made of the Japanese Core 2k vocabulary deck and sentences, with english-japanese audio. (If anyone wants a link just let me know). So now if I DO eventually get burned out on flashcards, I could switch to using those. They would work about as well as the Chinese Spoonfed Audio files I have (which work extremely well for me - audio flashcards I just listen to are so much more suited to how I study lol). However, I’d like to stick with Nukemarine’s decks as long as possible while I can focus - they cover grammar explicitly which helps me a lot, and the reading practice COMBINED with constant audio really helps me learn the readings of words. Which is something I need for japanese a LOT more than chinese.

2. continue reading Tae Kim’s grammar guide 

Ahahahahaaa hahaaa... did not do it. Nope.

What I did do that was grammar related:

Watched Cure Dolly lessons 1-5 (and will probably watch more as I seem to click well with those explanations)

Read 24 pages of Japanese in 30 Hours while transcribing actual japanese into it (and will probably continue to read it, its so short I should just DO IT in a couple days, it also fulfilled my desire to write stuff)

JapaneseAudioLessons.com - read the wa vs ga explanation, reading the portable japanese grammar notes document right now (its 11 pages I’ll finish it today). I’ve said it before but i really LOVE this resource, and they have so much for free. I absolutely recommend if a beginner wants Pimsleur or Michael Thomas or some other paid resource etc, to just go to this site, download their full lesson grammar guide (its like 311 pages like a real textbook) and go through all their free audio lessons. You will cover a lot of ground (more than Pimsleur or Michael Thomas), and all for free. In addition, I’ve bought some of their kanji teaching books and they’re overall my favorite for remembering kanji specifically (yes more than Heisig’s RTK by far, and more than KKLC - although the Kodanshi book is a good reference to have around). I’m not kidding at all when I say just try this site’s free resources if you’re trying to use free stuff, its the closest I’ve found to an audio only teaching method, or an audio/textbook-like combo, that’s this much stuff and free. (For non free, I actually liked Genki if you do everything in it).

Other misc things done in japanese:

Watched Dracula the Musical in japanese with no subs. It was super hard, but also not so hard. It changed my life. 1000/10 would recommend watching it if you even remotely like dracula OR vampires - featuring a lesbian Dracula/Mina, and more importantly a story change about who kills Dracula, and Dracula and Mina’s agency and choice being the driving force of the ending. These story changes I LOVE and I now want them in more adaptations moving forward, its what I always craved of the ending of Dracula and never got - Dracula as a person (not monster), Mina as a person (not prey), and their choices influencing how the story ends and by whom (versus Van Helsing/the establishment symbol regaining control through annihilation of the ‘threat’ to that norm). Also it gave me a new interest in Japanese plays which is cool. I did not expect to love them this much! Also gave me a boost in japanese confidence, in that I no longer feel as “scared” to try immersing in japanese or in some kinds of content that seemed ‘harder’ - and that was a big hurdle I was too afraid to do, in the past when I studied.

Watched a few more lets plays (lets guess maybe 3-5 sections of 20 minutes?). Persona 2 innocent sin (cool to see me follow along despite not knowing the game), Final Fantasy IX (this one I saved, and could definitely pick up words from since I know some of the story and the lets player read everything - I should look up FFX), random stuff. 

Tried to play some games in japanese! I’m going to go with this was about 3 hours. I tried crisis core’s opening to the first save point - it was playable (I can read most of the menus), and I can follow enough text to get the overall gist - however it was draining as so much is text only (I FORGOT how much reading is in this game). Great for reading practice I suppose. Also great in that it definitely reset my expectations about what is ‘doable’ for me - however I do think KH2 is probably still the easiest game i should start trying games with (since I have so many of the controls/menu memorized and can waste less time re-reading the tutorials), and since I know so many words by memory I’ll be able to focus more on grammar (whereas in CC I was glancing through kanji trying to keep up with the live action scenes). A bit too much reading for me to tackle again for a while, it was draining lol. Then I tried persona 3 for psp - first, i like the ps2/ps3 version better ToT. Second, also somehow I could read enough to survive - but the reading again took time, a lot isn’t voiced, and there are not frequent save points. So again I just played to the first save point. That one I may try again before CC though, because a lot more of the language is daily life stuff I could glance through and speed-read-guess lol, or could actually use if I learned it. Also occassionally p3 reads out loud which is nice. I suspect the Visual Novel I got will actually be best for practice (despite me not knowing the plot at all), because I’m guessing more of the lines will be voiced. All this reading would help me more if I could hear it voiced - and I may want to watch more Lets Plays, and Audiobooks on youtube, mainly for that fact: subtitles that i can read WITH audio so i can practice listening and reading together.

Tried reading a bit! First, some mangas I had (though I only read a page of each) - mainly it was just nice to see mangas are more accessible now. they’re about as readable to me rn as manhua were in chinese at 6-8 months in. I can just about follow the main gist, more if I use a dictionary for details. Also thanks to @yue-muffin​ telling me, learned I can look up words on iphone in the web browser just by highlighting words and clicking “look up.” Life changing. That in combination with me finding some japanese scripts of Final Fantasy games online (and I’ve always been curious what localizations changed), and this has been a little reading I found myself doing just because i felt like it. I didn’t read much - the equivalent of several dialogue boxes (the games i played made me read a LOT more lol). but I liked that i could see their kana when i looked them up, sound the sentences out to myself, contemplate them (so intensive read). Also if you have Speech tools enabled on your phone, you can swipe down with 2 fingers and it will read the page aloud - I used to do that a little with chinese on dual chinese-englist mtlnovel pages since it WILL read both, but Pleco reads chinese better so unless i’m only-listening i switched to pleco for that. But for these scripts it works great! (occasionally it will read all-kanji titles like chinese though lol - not once its into japanese sentences though). I thought it was really cool I could basically emulate what I do in Pleco for chinese, in a normal web browser for Japanese. (Also, for websites, Idiom app seems to work ok for reading Aloud as well - possibly better - but ios iphone “Look up” dictionaries are MUCH better than Idiom app’s).

In summary basically I surprisingly enjoyed reading and might keep trying to do it just because its interesting. However in general, first: I really want 2k words done in Nukemarine’s LLJ courses (LLJ 7 would put me at 1k common words, LLJ 12 would put me at 2k so...), and I’d really like a better grammar foundation (Cure Dolly, or japanese audio lessons grammar, Nukemarine LLJ also obviously fits that task with the grammar portions, really anything). While I want to play games, again I just really realize... how much easier my life will be with a better basis of knowledge first lol. Reading I can do in bite size if I want, but playing games is Draining in between saves right now lol. While i CAN do it right now, unless its a game i really can tune out with (like KH2 maybe) then its just too intensive right now for me to tolerate too much of.

Also, again, I think doing Nukemarine’s LLJ decks as breaks while playing games/watching stuff is working great, going to keep doing that. And listening to audio flashcard files while I have dead time (like level grinding). I have been listening to the Chinese Spoonfed audio, but other options could be: the english-japanese Core 2k audio files, the Japanese Audio Lessons files (which once years ago I’d listen to while excerising). For now I’ve focused on Chinese Spoonfed audio because I know I need to FINISH something before jumping to something else lol. 

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French stuff I did in April:

Listened to 6 chapters of Francais Par Le Methode Nature (and read some of them - oh i missed this book its my fave way to learn and it finally has audio!!)

listened to some bits of audiobooks (i don’t even know why, i don’t know - dracula, frankenstein, carmilla, sherlock)

read a little of Le Petit Prince (idk 3 chapters? browsing my book after finishing in chinese and... ok my heart is still a bit ;-; ... i’m gonna need to recover from this story...)

read a bit of dracula (again... idk why... also it was kind of a L R Method step 2 attempt in that I listened to audio too, but really I mainly just... read)

L R Method: 2 Chapters of Alice in Wonderland (step 2, because I have not tried step 3 yet). 

What is funny as hell to me is both how many words I look up when I contemplate intensive reading (again life changed by the fact i can just highlight words and click “word lookup” on my phone). But also how I already... know I can thoroughly read without doing it. Like... yes I can look up a word I fuzzy-know to get clarification, but even my phone auto-gives me french-french dictionary first and sometimes only (is it because my google is in french), i’ve been used to french definitions only for years.. and also like... i know when i read a whole paragraph i get whatever words were fuzzy before? just read some of dracula again today and its fine. its fine. again informational texts are easier for me - but dracula being a lot of letters ‘describing what happened’ suits me quite easily (and somehow manages to be less annoying to me than the english version). like... alice in wonderland was probably the harder for all the quick adjectives/verbs used in just one or two paragraphs when i was still re-remembering vocabulary i used to know lol. Like... in a dream world i’d love to test L R Method and see HOW MUCH it can teach a person. But like... while french would be the easiest to test it with? I kind of realize i’m also at a point in french where i have more benefit just continuing to read in french and listen in french (to fix my poor listening skills). referencing the english is not really... particularly necessary, it just usually slows me down. while i’m missing a LOT of words for fluent speaking/grammatically ok speaking - i don’t think listening reading method would really help me with that, since reading sure hasn’t. if any readng material might it’s francais par le methode nature just because it drills simple correct grammar construction, and reinforces it, and teaches grammar through context. but all my other reading materials... are more comprehension... 

Anyway in SUMMARY wow i did a lot more than i expected this month!

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Next months goals!

Chinese May Goals:

***Read anything. Great plan, has been working great. Ideally I would like to: finish Xiao Mao book one, and then either continue another Xiao Mao novel or start one of the other stories rated 2+ ease. I am considering  许三观卖血记 because its about as easy as the little prince, I’ve read an excerpt and its historical fiction so generally practical. Or  流星·蝴蝶·剑 by Gu Long if I want to work on a base in wuxia words from an easier novel. Or  他们的故事 by 一根黄瓜丝儿 if I’m ready to return to it - although this one is longer (the other stories being more like 12-20 chapters) so I’d prefer to save this for later. For any of these - look words up as desired since I’ll read them in Pleco. Ideally as my ‘harder’ reading I would like to either continue hanshe (intensive reading), or continue guardian (extensive reading) - so its a matter of if I want to look words up.

***Continue listening to Chinese Spoonfed Audio (please can i Finish it please ;-;)

Optional: experiment with Listening Reading Method. With the finding of those videos on youtube, I’d like to make my life literally as easy and streamlined as possible and literally just TEST L R Method by doing it with a few of the videos I found. It literally cannot get easier than premade videos with audio.

Other optional: listen to misc audio (I would love the time to watch the tian ya ke audiodrama WITH its subtitles then listen without again), watch shows, read Alan Hoenig’s Chinese Characters (i doubt this will happen), do some of my Radical-hanzi book. 

Japanese May Goals:

***Continue: Nukemarine’s LLJ courses - ideally finish LLJ 4 Part 2, LLJ 5, and start LLJ 6. (this truly can be basically my only study method if I can’t do more). THIS IS THE PRIORITY. The quicker I get ALL of this done, the more of a foundation I will have to do Anything else.

Hopefully: Continue some kind of grammar explanation beyond Nukemarine’s stuff - either Tae Kim (unlikely but i was at chapter 10 before), Cure Dolly (i’m on 6), Japanese Audio Lessons Grammar, Japanese in 30 Hours while writing japanese in (I’m on page 24). Again this is a higher priority as it will make anything else easier.

Optional: Reading in any form - so video game time, lets plays, audiobook youtube with captions, actual reading as desired (like scripts). Including this because I know I will eventually try again lol.

Optional: listening in any form - so another musical! maybe listen to japanese audio lessons, or the core 2k audio, or a lets play, etc. I find I’m probably less likely to listen to something but it might happen!

French May Goals*:

*aka if I feel like doing it because french has no real goals at the moment! -3-)/

***Continue watching Le Francais Par Le Methode Nature videos. (There’s only 33, they’re like 10 minutes long or less, its about basics, PLEASE). I remember this book took forever to read 1/3 of when i was an upper beginner, well now surely its less slow going? especially because read aloud its as fast as the speakers voice! so it is not time consuming and i’ve wanted to finish this book forever! i could at least finish it up to where the audio files match to!

Read???? Read??? Honestly I’ve just been wanting to read Dracula and Carmilla in French its a vibe I’ve been in. Its not high priority or anything but hey it might happen. If it does happen, ideally I’d like to listen to an audiobook too around the same time (maybe after, or have the page read, idk). Just because while reading refreshes my vocab, what I really want to build up is listening/pronunciation. To get to a point where I can listen and shadow would be nice. 

Tied to above, try L R Method? Not a high priority, though it would be super easy to test! Just because I already started testing it with Alice in Wonderland... but that basically amounts to just reading practice with audio again, for me.

I found Merlin in french so THAT is a thing.

Honestly the only thing I really want to do ‘study’ wise in french is finish that freaking book, especially now that I can listen to audio with it. It’s a nice foundation and I’d really like a refresher/fill in any big gaps in my learning. Anything else about french written here is mostly a reminder to myself to LISTEN to audio when possible, and try and improve that skill a bit if I go and read. 

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Real fast CORE SUMMARY:

Chinese: READ easier stories rated 2+ and keep getting through some, in combination with reading the harder hanshe and Guardian. Also listen to Chinese Spoonfed audio whenever u remember! Attempt some L-R method with the youtube videos you found. Immerse as desired.

Japanese: continue Nukemarine LLJ courses. Also do some grammar study somewhere, and immerse as desired.

French: listen/listen-read to Francais Par Le Methode Nature. Also read/listen as desired - ideally combining the activities.

*in all cases, where possible, combine listening-reading or try to practice both skills. (So reading in Pleco - play audio afterward to practice, play Guardian condensed audio in down time, with audiodramas follow subs when possible, when immersing with anything try L-R like strategies to add practice with both skills). 

#rant #april progress #april goals #may study plan #study plan #may goals #may #what i learned from this is... i have no fucking structure guys #im a mess i just do Whatever #only thing close to ANY structure is that with chinese im fairly consistent about reading #someone help me come up with a cleaner study plan? #or is the fact just that this is Just how i study??? #do i just need to bounce and do random stuff?

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Other than the expected things, what is something you've done every day for the past month? Hm. My days are so routine, so I can’t think of something I’ve done everyday that wasn’t expected or the norm. 

2. What is one way in which things have improved for you lately? This month has been especially rough, actually. It’s like all my different pains that I experience decided to act up all at once and more often it seems. Not fun.

3. Do you have any bad habits you aren't working on changing? If so, do you ever think you'll try to break them? Yeah, several. I don’t know when that will happen. I would like to, of course. I have a lot I need to work on, but have yet to do so and the years just keep passing me by...

4. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? Recently, actually. They got upset about something and I was just surprised by what they got so upset about and how they reacted. 

5. Are you good at committing to things like nanowrimo or inktober? I haven’t done those things, particularly, but I’ve done like those 30 day photo or music challenges and I was generally pretty good about it, but I sometimes missed a day or two and had to catch up. 

6. What is your preferred method of expressing yourself? Writing, such as doing these surveys. This is where I express myself the most.

7. What outfit or clothing item have you been wearing the most lately? I live in leggings and oversized tees. 

8. What kinds of videos do you like to watch on youtube, if any? ASMR, vlogs, lifestyle, Disney related videos (like about the parks, the history, and other interesting stuff), and this channel that explores abandoned places and talks about businesses that are no longer in business and the story of what happened, like the rise and fall.

9. Have you had any snow yet? Is this normal for your region? It doesn’t snow here. :(

10. How would you describe your sleep schedule? Oh, it’s an absolute mess. It’s so bad. 

11. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? No.

12. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? >> Hmm. I don’t know.

13. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I like that I’m open minded and pretty understanding. 

14. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? I don’t feel strong at all, I feel quite weak. When I was a kid I was resilient and brave. I didn’t let my obstacles get in the way or keep me down. I envy that kid. 

15. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Motivation and ambition. I lost those. :/ 16. Is there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? There are things I limit myself from or avoid as much as possible. 

17. What was the last thing you argued or debated about? Did you eventually agree, or did you have to agree to disagree? I don’t recall. I avoid arguments and debates.

18. When was the last time you were envious and what caused it? What types of things are you inclined to envy? I feel envy somewhat often. :/ Stuff like seeing people be functioning, productive adults and actually doing something with their lives. People who get to travel and do fun things (not so much right cause of the pandemic, but ya know). People who have good health. People who are happy. People who don’t look like a complete mess like I do and are put together. People who have a talent. People who have a passion. 

19. What is something you wish was different about your family? I wouldn’t change anything about them.

20. Name someone you miss and the last time you talked to them? Do you think you'll ever talk again? I’ll always miss my loved ones who have passed away. My grandma passed away 15 years ago and my grandpa passed away 10 years ago. My dog, Brandie, passed away 4 years ago.  21. What is something unusual that irritates you? Is there anything that seems to bother others but doesn't bother you at all? I’m an irritable and moody person, so it can really be anything somedays. And yeah, but of course I can’t think of an example right now. 

22. What is your main struggle or focus in life right now? My health and getting my shit together. 23. What was the last piece of candy you ate? It’s been a few years honestly since I’ve had any candy. I go for stuff like donuts, brownies, cookies, cupcakes, and muffins.

24. Are you more dramatic or stoic? I’m dramatic, but I think I might appear stoic to some people. 

25. When was the last time you wished you could take something back? Recently.

26. What was the last thing you mailed? How about received (other than bills and such)? I don’t recall the last thing I sent, but I last received billing statements.

27. What was the last kind thing someone did for you? How about the last thing you did for someone else? My brother got me Wingstop last night. I treated my family to breakfast a few weeks ago. 

28. If everything in the world that was happening now was because of something you were doing or thinking, what aspects of yourself would you have to improve to change the world for the better? Oh jeez. Good thing that’s not the case. 

29. What is your favorite thing to dream about? My dreams are always so random and weird. I don’t recall the last time I had what I’d consider a good dream. I also rarely remember my dreams anyway.

30. Are you on medication for anything? If so, do you feel like it helps? Have you ever been afraid to take medication or had a particularly bad experience with it? I take a prescription pain medication, but that’s it. And yes, I’ve had bad experiences with antidepressants and I’ve been afraid to take those and muscle relaxers. 

31. Do you prefer having long or short nails? My nails are always barely there because I’m constantly picking and clipping them. 

32. Are you happy when summer ends, or do you wish it would last longer? I dread summer every year and it always feels so damn long, so I’m very happy when it ends and it finally starts to feel like fall. 

33. How do you feel about the idea of turning 30? Or, if you already have, did your expectations or worries hold up to the reality? I wasn’t excited about turning 30. Now I’m 31, soon to be 32. D: I don’t feel great about it. I feel more pressure and even worse about myself each passing year cause I’m like, omg I’m in my 30s now and still haven’t got my shit together. I still have no idea what I want to do. I’ll probably be single forever. It’s just scary, ya know?

34. Just as a guess, how old do you think you'll live to be? I don’t know, man.

35. What keeps you going lately? I just... do. I’m just floating along.

#personal #text #survey #surveys