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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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I know it’s true..but 😔
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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Dear diary...
Wish I wasn’t here to be honest. I don’t find happiness in anything in life and believe me, I try. I’m tired of the act and tired of pretending with these fake smiles when I’m reality I want to cry and disappear.
My plan is to move far away and to be alone...
Death doesn’t scare me...as crazy as it sounds I’m looking forward to it. I know then, the numbness will make me feel less emotion therefore feel less pain in this world. Only then will I be free.
I feel so lost
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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this is a mental health checkpoint
It’s ok to log off, its ok to turn off the news, its ok to scroll past, its ok to distance yourself from this crap. These post are targeted to people who can care right now, if you cant, thats ok. If you’re mentally hanging on by a thread, its ok to leave. I cant say it enough, its ok to not be able to care right now, take care of you first.
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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Haven’t blogged in a while ... I’ve weirdly found comfort in my VR headset where I’ve been able to meet people who are sooo nice. They distract me from my internal issues and without knowing...they lower my anxiety by so much!
My depression isn’t as bad but a major work in progress. Im so thankful for them and I tell them this too!
I do wake up with anxiety but at least I have something to look forward to.
It’s 4:20 in the morning here so I won’t write too much.
Stay positive to anyone going through it...find what comforts you...no pressure. I have my VR headset but I also listen to positive affirmations every night without fail even if it’s for a few minutes...I also read a few pages from a book daily. If you’re not a reader...just read a couple pages...it will help you so much!
Some days are really bad...but as I’ve had people to talk to...I feel so much better.
Hopefully tomorrow il feel ok too!
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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Yesss ❤️
“Let it go. Change the channel. Turn it off. Unsubscribe. Unfollow. Mute. Walk away. Breathe.”
— Mindspo
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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How do I feel today?
Well I’m so stressed and nervous...for no reason. It’s the anxiety on a level 10....I’m in a bad mood and I can’t shake this feeling at all. I have so many mixed emotions and the worst thing is that I can’t control it.
I’m tired of this feeling. I cried in the shower and I don’t even know why. I feel SO down...and it’s nothing to do with lockdown. It happens constantly and I’m even having bad dreams that make it worse...I can’t even get a break in my sleep...
I don’t know what to do...
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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So precise...
I'm tired. I'm just sick and tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of the anxiety. I'm tired of the depression. I'm tired of the mood swings. I'm tired of the anger. I'm tired of the sadness. I'm tired of feeling lonely. I'm tired of feeling overwhelmed. I'm tired of feeling not good enough. I'm just tired. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of breaking down. I'm tired of all the break downs. I'm tired of every single fucking break down. I'm just tired. I'm tired of not feeling loved. I'm tired of being the only one loving. I'm fucking tired.
But if you were to ask me anyway...
I'd tell you I was just tired.
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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Diary,
Feeling a bit strange today, I felt ok for the first time in a long period but I’m feeling like quitting again. People say “oh I feel like that all the time”...yeah but not like this. I want to disappear, humans make me so stressed that I’d rather be all alone away from everyone. The industry I’m in required me to network and speak to people but I hate people! I don’t know what to do...I want to move far away.
My family don’t understand me, and I’m starting to dislike all my friends too. Who really has my back? No one. People pretend to...but really there’s no love there. I’m still suffering from a lot of anxiety and depression and wake up feeling like I’m having a panic attack.
I hate this shit so much, I just want to be happy, but this depression is hard to just shake off.
Oh well...tomorrow is another day.
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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Dear Diary,
As I said, this “out of control” feeling is so new to me, and I hate feeling low..anxiety..depression :(
I feel that if I’m not happy I cannot make anyone else happy. I don’t look for love anymore, and if I’m to be honest...I don’t want it anymore...I’m not interested. I used to look forward to a partner and kids..now I feel like maybe it’s not written for me. I’m not good enough.
I’ve deleted my social media but created this...it’s basically my online diary to just express my feelings anonymously. You ever felt ugly? (I know I’m not..?)...I mean...I’ve lost all my confidence. And I don’t think il ever get it back...I’ve accepted my truth. My depression and anxiety has take over my life...
I really want to disappear...!
One thing i will say...is that you really do see who’s there for you through your darkest times. I’m upset that I gave “friends” the chance and respect to be around me, I’ve done so much for others. I’m so glad I deleted my social media...you’d think they”d check up on you when you disappear..wrong! I hate myself for going out my way for people who will not for me...but now I will never make that mistake again.
Ive been tested so much...and now I want to live a quiet and lonely life. Today, I’m going to read this new book i ordered and watch some anime series! (I just discovered them..they take my mind off real life!). Maybe because they are so far fetched and they are animations...i really enjoy them.
One day I will die...and I’m looking forward to that day. I will meet whoever is waiting for me on the other side...as over here I am not valued. But as I said, I’ve accepted this, it’s ok! I don’t look for happiness...I just “BE”.
I will not commit suicide...I will ride this out and see what happens...you never know...something good might happen!...
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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When your head hits the pillow tonight, remind yourself that you’ve done a good job. Be patient with yourself, and achieve not all at once, but one das at a time.
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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I called the suicide line...
It was a big step for me...no way I would kill myself.
But at one stage I really wanted to leave here, I was going to! I was going to overdose and take my final nap...in a mad way...I was looking forward to being handed over to the other side.
I felt comfort in knowing there was a possibility it would be better with spirits.
I used to put on fake smiles constantly which makes me feel like a fake, a fraud.
I no longer do this...I am who I am. I’m glad I can come on here to see that others go through the same issues...
I’m not alone, although I do feel it. I suppose we all do?
I can’t even watch a movie without feeling real anxious....I don’t know what happened to me...
I want to find myself...I hope this isn’t it for me.
I used to be such an outgoing person, I used to make people laugh and more important I felt good! I thought my life would be great...!
Now I feel like a failure, I’ve kind of given up on life..
I want to be happy...but I’m not. I can’t even pinpoint what it is.
The good thing about all this is that, I no longer pretend.
Maybe I have internal demons to face.
Who knows...
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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I feel like things affect me more than others.
Even though that’s probably not the case.
I feel down...but a bit better.
I hope this feeling goes...
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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Be optimistic they say.
I keep hitting a ceiling.
Non stop.
I had a good day..I think? Now I got crazy anxiety.
I hate this SO much.
Really wana give up, I kind of have.
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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WOW...this is quite amazing!
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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Instagram
(C.B)(11.6.18)
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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Psychology App ➤ Learn, grow and improve yourself ➤ Visit: PsychologyDaily.com
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mythoughtswithinme · 3 years
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Therapy App ➤ Stay Motivated ➤ Visit: PsychologyDaily.com
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