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#my feels are all over the place
and, those scenarios were created by her mind ; because the story was complying something else.
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I don't talk much, in fact I barely speak or participate in any conversation , but when I call you, I can't stop myself from blabbing up my head and heart.
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unmoistened · 5 days ago
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this guy in my town's public facebook group posted a pic of a woman he didn't know, without her permission, minding her own business at a local public park (but not even our town...) she was doing pole fitness in a regular gym outfit yet he was acting like she was butt ass naked, rubbin' her punani on the playground equipment & screaming about misogyny/feminism to crying children.. like ???? he's insane & frankly dangerous but anyway
AMAZINGLY dude thought the town would join him in mocking this woman publicly but people went off on him. like mother's day in a small town during a pandemic, we all had some free time to put a dumbfucker in his place. but some ol' bitch implied that i wanted to see this ✨~live-action SLUT~✨ since i was defending her so & it brought back feelings from that vacation & i lost it
#this is gonna be all over the place#i'm gonna start wearing a wedding ring even though i haven't been this single since kindergarten#tbh i also haven't had a crush this phat since like 7th grade but i'm not 100% ready to date so i'm good rn i'm happy#i'm just now dealing with the bad things that happened in my life#that i drank through instead of handling; i don't want to dwell on how i had to cope to survive; i'm not going to pretend like my excessive#drinking was good (bc there are ways to heal instead of cope) & i understand that humans are complex#i have been struggling lately trying to reconcile the character & integrity i know i have with the toxic way i thought/behaved#i thought only one could be true somehow like if i was so good how could i behave the way i did?#i know i'm a good person so other times i would feel like 'yes that was wrong but-'#then try to explain it but explanations always seem like excuses even when they're not#that's why i have been all over the place thru this healing process i think; i don't want to excuse anything but i need to understand#why it happened so i can make sure i don't treat another person that way again; anyone can be bad if they stop#trying to be good & get used to it my abuser started out as abused too & she stopped fighting her toxicity#she started to give in bc it feels so much better the first few times u do it#we all know it feels so good to do what you know you're not supposed to sometimes#as much as i know i cannot let myself let my guard down my abuser was once an innocent little girl too; i can't hate her#but i need to recognize how easy it is to become a monster yourself#i can acknowledge i did monstrous things while knowing i am not a monster#& also minding my own goddamn business bc i can't decide how someone thinks of me in their own damn head#especially when she thought the sun shined out of my ass before i broke her heart#she might think of me as a monster for the rest of her life or she might not it's not up to me bc she has valid reasons to feel that way#i can meet 1 million people & be an absolute angel to them & they can reach the consensus that i am a good person#but my ex could walk in & say 'i think she is a bad person.' and those 1 million people would have zero right to say that she was wrong.#there would no longer be a consensus but they are all still being honest & speaking their truth.#i did bad things but i am not a bad person; i am good but i had to prove it to myself again to believe it#& it's not my place & it never will be to tell her or anybody how i hurt them#t h a t is how i have to leave it; that is that on that 🤙🏼🤙🏼🤙🏼
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ghoulishmermaidsworld · 6 days ago
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Tonight is the first night without you here
I feel so empty that I could shatter
Today is mother's day but there is nothing happy about today
I am glad you are no longer suffering
No longer in pain
You are loved by all and you'll never be forgotten
You were an angel on earth and now you are set free
You have your wings now looking over us
Like in life but now in death
Forever I will love you
Don't say goodbye just say I'll see you until next time.
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suncaptor · 6 days ago
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I feel like I can stand season 8 Dean really easily because all of his symptoms are so intentional placed. Like he’s (written intentionally) lashing out emotionally and often without logic on Sam, acting abusive. The writers are taking his character and what he’s been through and taking his genuine care and his genuine insecurities that are in character throughout the show and showing the gaping hole where healing and positive coping mechanisms and help should be. it bothers me more when it’s inconsistent and feels as if it’s justifying the actions around in context.
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brehem96 · 11 days ago
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Would you stay
If I told you all my thoughts would you stay
If I told you that I don't want anyone but you
If I told you that when you don't text I get sad
If I told you everytime that song comes on I think of you
If I told you when I see your name on my phone I smile
If I told you I told my mom about you
If I told you that I learned about your favorite thing just to know a bit more about you
If I told you that when you look at me I feel myself catch on fire
If I told you that my friends know all my thoughts about you
If I told you when you I'm in your presence I'm my most relaxed because I'm with you
If I told you I think about what it'd be like to kiss you, feel you on my skin
If I told you I long to just be near you all the time because it's my one true comfort
If I told you that I want to take you to my favorite coffee shop
If I told you that your smile is my favorite
If I told you that you make me happy
If I told you I write all these poems about you
If I told you that I like your abs
If I told you I want to run my fingers through your hair on a long night
If I told you how I've never felt this way
If I told you I think that I love you
If I told you I want to be with you forever
If I told you I do love you
If I told you all this would you stay
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nlthevening · 13 days ago
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The worst part about drowning isn’t the water, it’s the thoughts that threaten to consume you until you can’t create anymore. The loss of feeling, is overwhelming and while you try to feel anything it’s as if you’re not there to receive the message. I can’t feel my body but my mind feels everything for it. For me. I become a shell of my own making until the fear of not feeling threatens to break me apart. I wonder why it is that I let myself feel what I keep hidden, in those moments. I wonder why I forget about reality and let myself go into this world where no reason for anything is needed and only the present is enough. I forget about the future and let myself be the present and while it’s usually a good thing... I know in the end I wish it hadn’t been real.
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mordredmanor · 15 days ago
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#sola said#thinking about names!! about tâm and thao and [redacted campaign 2 pc]#idk like. i literally wrote In My Character Doc as one of the first things i did that it would be okay if ppl just wrote tâm's name without#the diacritical bc it would be easier and i put the phonetic pronunciation of her name in there too bc it is. not intuitive from the english#and i wasn't lying! it meant a lot to me to even have her name be tâm in the first place#i picked a name that was obviously vietnamese but i also picked one without actual tones because i Myself don't trust my ability#to pronounce that let alone other people. my vietnamese is Not Good#and like. it's just a step. away from all the white and mixed and 'amerasian' (eugh. why) characters i used to make#like i know my partymates are Good People and Friends and i genuinely was expecting folks to just like. write 'tam.' not quite pronounce it.#and it still would have been meaningful To Me#and i'm constantly so so surprised and so so happy when people Do put in that effort#every time i see my party (and people NOT in my party! so absolutely buckwild!)#put the little circumflex over the â or say tâm's name#it makes me SO happy in a way that i truly could not explain it feels a little irrational and ridiculous but also. so nice#like Everyone In The Party Does It holy shit it feels unreal#maybe i shouldn't be surprised maybe some other folks will say that saying someone's name correctly is like. base human decency and#i absolutely trust my party i know they're Good People but just. it makes me so happy. not the surprise of it but the Taking The Time/#Making The Effort of it#anyway happy aapi heritage month!#i love being vietnamese and i love that the things and the characters i create are inseparable from that!#names are just.#'you know that your name is safe in their mouth' YEAH#sorry to just be full of sap i'm making it everyone's problem :D#i simply. wandering isles folks are the coolest ppl in the world and i could not possibly have predicted how kind y'all are#even in the smallest things. i don't know if anyone thinks twice about tâm's name but me#tâm tag
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ghoulishmermaidsworld · 26 days ago
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Freedom at last♡
As the blood pumps out of my arms I ask that you see my sins running out of my body, leaving this vessel empty of all her misery and heartbreak.
As the demons fuel leaves this vessel know I am no longer suffering, I am free and alive for the first time in my life.
I will no longer fuel the demons with sins, I am reborn as I walk across Valhalla.
I am anew. I am whole. I am free. I am reborn.
With this new life I am given, I plan on being the vessel I was ment to be. I will not forget about my sins or demons but I will grow stronger from them.
I am no longer a prisoner of this world.
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