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#you’ll be living your life without this song and then u hear it again and then it’s like you’re in a trance and can’t listen to anything
merevide · 7 months
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30 hours to live how shall i spend them…wait. here’s an option that i like. spend these 30 hours gettin’ FREAKAYYYYY YEAH
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infiniscribe · 1 year
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Lyrics to Red Light Cafe Show: April 5th, 2009
These are the lyrics to songs I wrote back in 2009. Still Alive: Such a simple incantation promoting life without inclination of needing something more burning my walls bringing everything down Such a myriad emotion the state of confliction is absent to no one being something more how electrifying I hear you knocking on my door i can feel it burning, and rolling and gowing deep within i can feel it flowing, controlling underneath my skin i'm still alive i'm still alive W-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l    E-l-e-c-t-r-i-c Down Doesn't Seem So Bad: I tried to stay by your Bedside but your bedside burned and banished me back to where i came from The hole i crawled out of didn't welcome me home with open arms just criticized with countless curses When you wake and wind up someone you hate When you wait up and wise up and realizing that down doesn't seem so bad anymore no, down doesn't seem so bad Just let it run away You'll feel it again someone Just let it go Let yourself breath Just get out of here September Sixteenth: These echoes sounding in my soul Can't bring me to my knees anymore But my eyes are swollen and paralyzed with the touch of feeling nothing at all Of being nothing Of sounding like nothing at all In fear of being nothing like you turned out to be I cannot correct the cracks and breaks that i have done to myself Only gasp at the man behind the mask that they have created The face that they distorted the lives that they have altered the face that they distorted i can't bare to face My head is bruised By the constant beating of repetitive bastarding Worn down to size the likes of what is left of my shallow heart Of my measured ego of my askew spirit of my measured ego thats shattered into place War Cry: this has no beginning it has no end no confrontations has no friends stripped of what it means to be human having no one ever to defend numb is the feeling you pretend when vitality is at its end having no courage having no hand to help the war inside your head im choked unprovoked and so uninspired lack of attention depressed for awhile go to the bar to find who we are and  just start over again I Fell So Far: I fell so far so far enough where you couldn't pick me up i was ripped and worn tired and torn and still your face ceased to come quit convincing its not your fault could of been avoided if you just would talk now its your choice to stay or to walk please don't walk please don't sit there and watch me fall im going crazy im sizing the walls can't figure out how i got in this room 'cus all im seeing are things reminding me of you I fell so far so far where i couldn't see myself anymore i was wrong and timid angry, unforgiving so simple but too complex to admit it Letter To Adam: First of all, Im convinced that i think and worry about things too much. Even incredibly trivial things; i have this overwhelming experience. And i imagine that this email alone is probably annoying and disheartening. But i felt more compelled to write you my apologies. My apologies.
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ecoamerica · 1 month
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youtube
Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc
The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!
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energylifeamazon · 2 years
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Mary j blige be without you lyrics and video
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Amazon MP3 Download Bonus Track) Whole Lotta Love (From Re-release International Edition) Each Tear (feat. Amazon MP3 Download Bonus Track) Gonna Make It (U.S. (buy at ) Tonight The One Said And Done Good Love I Feel Good I Am Each Tear I Love U (Yes I Du) We Got Hood Love Kitchen In The Morning Color (From "Precious" Soundtrack) Stay (U.S. Wrong Why Love A Woman Irreversible (US Deluxe Edition Bonus Track) Empty Prayers Need Someone The Living Proof (From "The Help" Soundtrack) Miss Me With That (US Deluxe Edition Bonus Track) Someone To Love Me (MJB Naked Remix) (US/UK Deluxe Edition Bonus Track) Get It Right (US/UK iTunes Store Bonus Track) You Want This (UK Edition Additional Track) From the Album Stronger with Each Tear (2009)
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(buy at ) Feel Inside Next Level Ain't Nobody 25/8 Don't Mind No Condition Mr. (buy at ) Little Drummer Boy Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas My Favorite Things This Christmas The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire) Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer When You Wish Upon A Star Mary, Did You Know Do You Hear What I Hear? Petit Papa Noël The First Noel Noche De Paz (Silent Night) From the Album My Life II: The Journey Continues (2011) (buy at ) A Night To Remember Vegas Nights Moment Of Love See That Boy Again Wonderful Kiss And Make Up Suitcase All Fun And Games Propose From the Album A Mary Christmas (2013) That was a great one-two punch in the history of R&B.Therapy Doubt Not Loving You When You're Gone Right Now My Loving Long Hard Look Whole Damn Year Nobody But You Pick Me Up Follow Worth My Time From the Soundtrack Think Like A Man Too (2014) “Be Without You” came right on the heels as Mariah Carey’s “We Belong Together” was dying down, so I’m proud of that accomplishment. And of course, the Grammy wins were just icing on the cake. When she hit that note at the end, it’s like “Woah, we got one!” It came out crazy and the rest was history! I knew it was going to be a hit, but not at the level that it went on to become. I wasn’t in the studio with her, but I remember hearing it for the first time. He went in to do additional touch-ups and produced Mary’s vocals. But I remember hearing the stories about Ron Fair vouching for the record.
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I don’t think Jimmy Iovine was sure about putting the record out as a single. I hate saying all my hits came quick, but “Be Without You” was like a 20 minute session. I got a question for ya (See, I already know the answer) But still I wanna ask you, will you lie? (No) Make me cry? (No) Do somethin' behind my back and then try to cover it up? Well, neither would I, baby My love is on the up and up (Yes) I'll be faithful (Yes) I'm for real (Yes) And with us you'll always know the deal We've been too strong for too long And I can't be without you, baby (Oh) And I'll be waitin' up until you get home 'Cause I can't sleep without you, baby (Oh, oh) If anybody who's ever loved you know just what I feel Too hard to fake it, nothin' can replace it Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby, yeah See, this is real talk, I'ma always stay (No matter what) Good or bad (Thick and thin) Right or wrong (All day, every day, hey) Now if you're down on love or don't believe this ain't for you (No, this ain't for you) And if you got it deep in your heart And deep down you know that it's true (Come on, come on, come on) Well, let me see you put your hands up (Hands up) Fellas, tell your lady she's the one Fellas, tell your lady she's the one Oh, put your hands up (Hands up) Ladies, let him know he's got you locked Look him right in his eyes and tell himĪgain, Chris Higgs made a connection with her husband Kendu Isaacs at the time.
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sunookkii · 3 years
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hey i know request are closed but this idea just got stuck in my mind and i wanted you to write sum about it if you like it 😭 so basically its an enha reaction/scenario ? where they forget your birthday, (maybe not in a bad way but i dont mind if its angst) hope ur good btw !! <3
a/n : OMG WAIT SRY TO ALL THE OTHER REQUESTS BUT THIS ONE FOR SUM REASON REALLY STUCK OUT TO ME i hope you enjoyyy ;) also I wrote so much I’m so sorry- [not really read proof~]
Also i am well ty for asking >.<
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.enhypen imagine ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
Enhypen forgetting your bday~
Genre : angsty ish
Warnings : mentions of food, crying, one swear word??
Requested : yes ty beautiful person ;)
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Heeseung :
Okay okay so its your birthdayyy and you were really excited for what to happen because you wanted to see what kind of surprise your boyfriend did for your birthday
But to your luck he forgot :(
So you spent all day giving him hints like ‘what day is it’ and at one point you gave up and started pouting really hard
And your face was just overall sad everyone else had remembered your birthday including the members, but for your boyfriend to forget it lowkey hurt
Almost half the day passed and he still didn’t remember
So you ended up going into the room by yourself and started to cry
Your whimpers got louder and louder even though you were trying your best to stay quiet so he doesn’t hear
A few minutes past by and heeseung started looking for you because he sensed something was wrong.
He looked on the calendar really really carefully and FINALLY he came to his realization that it was your birthday but it was kinda too late cuz you hid yourself in your room to cry.
He came into your room to wish you a happy birthday but he sees you curled up into a ball crying to yourself
He felt so bad after this happened, “IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME I WONT EVER GORGET AGAIN!”
He hugs you so tight as if your life depended on it, won’t leave you out of his sight for the rest of the day. You’ll be hearing a lot of hbds and ilys for the rest of the day~
^ so yeah 🤕
Jay :
I feel like it’s rare that he forgets these type of dates buut for the sake of tumblr lets pretend he completely forgot 😧
You woke up in a great mood because it was your birthday of course
You were expecting to be receive a hbd wish from your boyfriend, but nope nothing all morning.
You received a bunch of hbd wishes on Instagram and other platforms mentioning you, but none of them were from jay :(
You quickly got frustrated and because it was your birthday and your bf the person you love most didn’t remember really hurt
So gradually your face became wet from heated silent tears. But unlike heeseung he would super quickly notice because he’s on his phone a lot and he dates things like ‘y/ns bday’ (idk but I imagine him dating things on his phone)
He’d then be like OH SHIT ITS YN’s BD
Runs to you soooooo quick just to see your face red and a bit wet.
Once your eyes connected your tears started to come out quicker
He literally runs up to you to hug you HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SO SORRY I FORGOT
After he said that he ran away from you leaving you alone, which made your heart drop thinking that he didn’t care.
But once you finally came out of your room you were greeted with a homemade delicious cake your boyfriend made for you that looked like this
You could tell he felt really bad bc usually he always had a smile on his face while cooking but this time it was a ‘I’m sorry’ face
“I’m really really sorry please forgive me”
All was forgiven bc the cake tasted so mf ing good
Jake :
It was your birthday today, a day that only came once a year so like any other human being it’s a special day for you
You were super excited to see what Jake did for you, because every birthday you had with him was always such a surprise
But today was sort of… different? :(
You saw jake in the living room on the tv and went straight up to him with a smiley face. “GOOODMORNINGGG” 😁
After cuddling for a while on the couch you lifted up your head and asked him If he knew what day it was, he just replyed with a simple Wednesday? With a confused face
I’m pretty sure that one word was enough to make you pretty upset 😅🥲
You started to pout and went back into his chest with a disappointed face.
“Ahh what what, what day is it tell me?” He said playfully, not realizing it was your birthday.
You stayed silent as he checked his phone, ‘y/n’s birthday don’t forget’
When i tell you he gasped he GASPED.
You were already in the verge of tears “IM SO SORRY HBD BABY”
You were still a bit upset at him so you replied with ‘did you really need your phone to tell me what day it was’ 😕
He hugs you tighter while mumbling ‘hbd hbd hbd’
Suddenly let you go of his arms and said he had an errand. Without any explanation he got his car keys to go somewhere leaving you and your thoughts by yourself.
‘Does he not love me anymore that he doesn’t even want to spend time with me on my birthday? ☹️😭”
A while later he comes back and you’re luckily still on the couch where he left you
^^this dude came back with three beautiful cakes from your local cake stores. “I’m bacccckkkk!! please forgive meeeee you know i love you with all my heart 🥺” (okay i hate to use this emoji but there isn’t any other way to describe it TT)
You obviously forgave him because you know it was never his intention to forget,,, “you owe me hugs and kisses for the rest of the day :(“ kindly accepts your request because that is something he’d never complain about #freecuddlesfromyn
Sunghoon :
Okay but like hear me out he’s the type of boyfriend that would ‘pretend’ he forgot your birthday but he actually didn’t
So when he ACTUALLY forgot you just thought he was joking until…
“Hooonieeee, stop joking around I’m seriouss”
“I’m serious too i seriously don’t know what day it is”
“What…”
You leave him for a bit alone with his thoughts, not even gna lie if he did end up forgetting your bday it would take him a while to remember it
But once he remembers he feels so bad 😭
Tackles you with so many hugs and bday kisses and showers you with I’m sorrys and hbd wishes
genuinely ask himself how he forgot the lohls birthday (love of his life’s) literally beats himself for it
And you have to tell him that it’s fine and that you forgive him~
Brings out the birthday cake and sings you a happy birthday song while clapping and laughing.
Puts cake on your nose
Sunoo :
Idk if he’s the type to forget but like jay I don’t think he’d forget
I feel like to him birthdays are the MOST special thing/ date for a person
Like obviously the rest of the members think that but especially sunoo really like sticks to this
So if he had forgotten your birthday you were sooo hurt you ignored him the whole day keeping your distance until he finally remembered
Once he remembered he went to go find you ASAP where you were hiding int he corner of the bedroom moping
He showers you with hugs cuddles kisses pecks, you name it he does it
He feels so bad that he could forget smtg like this, literally asks himself how he could forget such an important date
If the convenience store was still open he’d run to the nearest store and surprise you with a birthday cake. But not just any cake it’d be a cake that was decorated by the one and only Kim Sunoo
Would prepare it so nicely and even have a lit up candle so you can wish on it.
the type to surprise you with it even though he forgot. Brings it to your room while singing the hbd song.
Puts cake frosting on your nose #2, takes lots and lots of pictures to post on insta later
caption : “happy birthday sunshine~”
Jungwon :
he was on the couch as per usual just scrolling through his phone to keep himself occupied but also updated
Not knowing what day it was,,,,,,,
you come outside of your bedroom excitedly to expect a wishful happy birthday wish from the person you love most
But for some reason it oddly seemed like a normal day
“Wonnniiieee my loveeee, guess what day it is!” You said with a sheepish smile
“Hmm wednesday?” He said looking up at you with a calm face
Your happy smile soon became a little pout
“You really don’t know?”
“Isn’t it just a regular Wednesday? Why is there something special?”
oh my- he broke your heart right then and there
You run back into your room because you feel heated tears about to fall, even though it was something small the thought of him not remembering your birthday the day of your birth hurt. A little.
Jungwon was actually super clueless he genuinely didn’t know what day it is but something about you seemed off and the way you ran to your room was quite odd to him so he went and followed you
Before he opened the door he already heard small whimpers from the corner of the bed, and that immediately triggered him and he was about to beat up anyone that made you feel sad 😠 little did he know it was him who made you feel that way
“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying”
He holds your chin and turns it to get a better look
wiping your tears with his thumb, you were being a dramatic his giggles make you feel a bit better even though you were mad at him for forgetting
“You forgot my birthday.” You said to him while crying
You can literally see the gears in his brain start to turn when his face went from 😄 -> 😳
“IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY” hugs you so tight that you literally can’t breathe
Doesn’t know what to do to make you feel better, “I’m really sorry for forgetting your birthday, I don’t really know what got into me, please forgive me.”< cue the cutest kitty puppy eyes
He kept on rambling on abt how he was sorry and deserves your forgiveness you literally had to shut him up, he was sorry please forgive him >~<
Cuddles you for the rest of the day
Niki :
He was playing video games normally on his phone, until you excitedly stormed into his room “hiiiii babbbbyyyy”
“Well someone is happy today :)”
“Well of course bc u know what day it isss ;)”
“Wednesday?”
😧😦 < that’s what you looked like when he didn’t know, “you really don’t remember?”
“hmm I’m not too sure” he said before going back to his game
you slowly became disappointed and just ‘celebrated’ your birthday by yourself in the kitchen. :,((
he didn’t notice that you were sad at first bc he was busy playing on his phone, around an hour later he went to the kitchen to get a snack when he sees you in the kitchen staring into space rested your chin on you arm.
‘Are you okay? You seemed fine earlier’
You decided to play the silent game and just avoided him... so he tried to get you to talk to him but after a while it didn’t work so he sort of gave up and went to ask his hyungs what’s wrong with you.
“Niki,,, it’s y/n’s birthday omg did you forget??????” Jake said texting niki
and that’s when the lightbulb in his brain turned on
He rushed to the kitchen and back hugged you so tight and gave you so many cheekie kissies to try and make up for ‘forgetting’
But to his luck you were still mad at him
Soooo he came up with the idea of going to the convenience store really quick to get you a bunch of flowers and a nice cake to surprise you~
You ended up forgiving him because he was tickling you threatening you to forgive him
N knowing Niki he’s not a person you can be mad at for long <3
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blackcatrph · 3 years
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** sour  sentence  starters.
brutal.
“  i think that i’ll die before i drink.  ”
“  i'm so caught up in the news of who likes me and who hates you.  ”
“  i'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life.  ”
“  they'd all be so disappointed  because who am I if not exploited?  ”
“  where's my fuckin' teenage dream?  ”
“  if someone tells me one more time "enjoy your youth," I'm gonna cry.  ”
“  i'm anxious and nothing can help.  ”
“  i wish I'd done this before.  ”
“  i wish people liked me more.  ”
“  all I did was try my best.  ”
“  this the kind of thanks I get?  ”
“  they say these are the golden years.  ”
“  i wish I could disappear.  ”
“  god, it's brutal out here.  ”
“  i feel like no one wants me.  ”
“  i only have two real friends.  ”
“  lately I'm a nervous wreck.  ”
“  i love people I don't like.  ”
“  i hate every song I write.  ”
“  i'm not cool, and I'm not smart.  ”
“  i can't even parallel park.  ”
“  got a broken ego, broken heart.  ”
“  i don't even know where to start.  ”
traitor.
“  brown guilty eyes and little white lies.  ”
“  i played dumb but I always knew.  ”
“  i kept quiet so I could keep you.  ”
“  ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits?  ”
“  ain't it funny how you said you were friends?  ”
“  it sure as hell don't look like it.  ”
“  you betrayed me.  ”
“  i know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt.  ”
“  loved you at your worst but that didn't matter.  ”
“  guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.  ”
“  there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly.  ”
“  ain't it funny, all the twisted games, all the questions you used to avoid?  ”
“  remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid?  ”
“  i wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.  ”
“  you gave me your word but that didn't matter.  ”
drivers  license. 
“  i got my driver's license last week.  ”
“  just like we always talked about.  ”
“  today I drove through the suburbs crying 'cause you weren't around.  ”
“  you're probably with that blonde girl.  ”
“  she's so much older than me.  ” 
“  she's everything I'm insecure about.  ”
“  how could I ever love someone else?   “
“  i know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one.  ”
“  i just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.  ”
“  guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.  ”
“  all my friends are tired of hearing how much I miss you.  ”
“  I kinda feel sorry for them because they'll never know you the way that I do.  ”
“  i still see your face in the white cars, front yards.  ”
“  can't drive past the places we used to go to because I still fuckin' love you.  ”
1  step  forward,  3  steps  back.
“  i called you on the phone today.  ”
“  all I did was speak normally.  ”
“  you got me fucked up in the head.  ”
“  like am I pretty? am I fun?  ”
“  i hate that I gave you power over that kind of stuff.  ”
“  it's always one step forward and three steps back.  ”
“  i'm the love of your life until I make you mad.  ”
“  do you love me, want me, hate me? i don't understand.  ”
“  maybe in some masochistic way I kind of find it all exciting.  ”
“  which lover will I get today?  ”
“  will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?  ”
“  it's back and forth, did I say somethin' wrong?  ”
“  it's back and forth, goin' over everything I said.  ”
“  i'd leave you, but the roller coaster's all I've ever had.  ”
deja vu.
“  strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two?  ”
“  i bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique.  ”
“  so when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?  ”
“  that was our place, I found it first.  ”
“  i made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you.  ”
“  do you get déjà vu when she's with you?  ”
“  do you call her, almost say my name?  ”
“  i hate to think that I was just your type.  ”
“  don't act like we didn't do that shit too.  ”
“  play her piano, but she doesn't know that I was the one who taught you Billy Joel.  ”
good  4  u.
“  well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.  ”
“  you found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.  ”
“  remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world?  ”
“  good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself.  ” 
“  i guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped.  ”
“  now you can be a better man for your brand new girl.  ”
“  well, good for you, you look happy and healthy.  ”
“  not me, if you ever cared to ask.  ”
“  good for you, you're doin' great out there without me.  ”
“  i've lost my mind.  ”
“  i've spent the night cryin' on the floor in my bathroom.  ”
“  it's like we never even happened.  ”
“  what the fuck is up with that?  ”
“  good for you, it's like you never even met me.  ”
“  remember when you swore to god i was the only person who ever got you?  ”
“  well, screw that and screw you.  ”
“  you will never have to hurt the way you know that I do.  ”
“  maybe I'm too emotional.  ”
“  your apathy's like a wound in salt.  ”
“  maybe I'm too emotional  or maybe you never cared at all.  ”
“  like a damn sociopath.  ”
enough  for  you.
“  i wore makeup when we dated because I thought you'd like me more.  ”
“  i know that you loved before.  ”
“  tried so hard to be everything that you like.  ”
“  i read all of your self-help books so you'd think that I was smart.  ”
“  stupid, emotional, obsessive little me.  ”
“  i knew from the start this is exactly how you'd leave.  ”
“  you found someonе more exciting.  ”
“  you left me there cryin', wonderin' what I did wrong.  ”
“  you always say I'm never satisfied but I don't think that's true.  ”
“  all I ever wanted was to be enough for you.  ”
“  maybe I'm just not as interesting as the girls you had before.  ”
“  you couldn't have cared less about someone who loved you more.  ”
“  i'd say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that.  ”
“  i don’t want your sympathy, i just want myself back.  ”
“  don’t you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded?  ”
“  don't you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing?  ”
“  don’t tell me you’re sorry, feel sorry for yourself.  ”
“  someday i’ll be everything to somebody else.  ”
“  you’ll be the one crying.  ”
happier.
“  we broke up a month ago. ”
“  your friends are mine you know.  ”
“  you’ve moved on, found someone new.  ”
“  i thought my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past.  ”
“  she’s so sweet, she’s so pretty.  ”
“  does she mean you forgot about me ?  ”
“  i hope you’re happy but not like how you were with me.  ”
“  i’m selfish i know. i can’t let you go.  ”
“  find someone great, but don’t find no one better.  ”
“  i hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier.  ”
 “  do you tell her she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen?  ”
“  an eternal love bullshit you know you’ll never mean.  ”
“  remember when i believe you meant it when you said it first to me?  ”
“  now i’m picking her apart like cutting her down will make you miss my wretched heart.  ”
“  she’s beautiful, she looks kind.  ”
“  she probably gives you butterflies.  ”
“  i wish you all the best, really.  ”
“  say you love her, just not like you loved me.  ”
“  think of me fondly when your hands are on her.  ”
jealousy  jealousy.
“  i kinda wanna throw my phone across the room.  ”
“  all i see are girls too good to be true.  ”
“  i know their beauty’s not my lack but it feels like that weight is on my back.  ”
“  comparison is killing me slowly.  ”
“  i think i think too much.  ”
“  i’m so sick of myself, i’d rather be anyone else.  ”
“  my jealousy started following me.  ”
“  i see everyone getting all the things i want.  ”
“  i’m happy for them, but then again, i’m not.  ”
“  i can’t stand it.  ” 
“  oh god i sound crazy.  ”
“  their win is not my loss, i know it’s true.  ”
“  i can’t help getting caught up in it all.  ”
“  all your friends are so cool.  ”
“  you go out every night.  ”
“  you’re living the life.  ”
“  i want to be you so bad, and i don’t even know you.  ”
“  all i see is what i should be.  ”
favourite  crime.
“  know that i love you so bad.  ”
“  i let you treat me like that.  ”
“  i was your willing accomplice.  ”
“  i watched as you fled the scene.  ”
“  doe-eyed as you buried me.  ”
“  the things i did just so i could call you mine.  ”
“  the things you did. well, i hope i was your favourite crime.  ”
“  you used me as an alibi.  ”
“  i crossed my heart and you crossed the line.  ”
“  i defended you to all my friends.  ”
“  every time i siren sounds, i wonder if you’re around.  ”
“  you know that i’d do it all again.  ”
“  it’s bittersweet to think about the damage that we’d do.  ”
“  i was going down but i was doing it with you.  ”
“  i say that i hate you with a smile on my face.  ”
“  look what we became.  ” 
hope  ur  ok.
“  his parents cared more about the bible than being good to their own child.  ”
“  wore long sleeves because of his dad.  ”
“  somehow we fell out of touch.  ”
“  hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush.  ”
“  don’t know if i’ll see you again someday.  ”
“  i hope that you’re okay.  ”
“  her parents hated who she loved.  ”
“  she was brought into a world where family was merely blood.  ” 
“  with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred.  ”
“  we don’t talk much.  ”
“  i miss you and i hope that you’re okay.  ”
“  address the letter to the holes in my butterfly wings.  ”
“  nothing’s forever, nothing is as good as it seems.  ”
“  when the clouds are ironed our and the monsters creep into your house, every door is hard to close.  ”
“  i hope you know how proud i am.  ”
“  i hope that you’re happier today.  ”
“  i love you and i hope that you’re okay.  ”  
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ppersonna · 3 years
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ride or die - myg | m
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we don't need money to feel good cause you're the ride or die, the rest of my life. don't need a party to feel high, we're like the modern version of bonnie and clyde , bonnie & clyde, yuqi
✹ summary- there’s nothing in the world you wouldn’t do for Min Yoongi.
✹ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw
✹ pairing- min yoongi x reader
✹ word count- 1.6k
✹ genre- hmm idk. maybe some angst, some smut, some action?, established relationship, criminal!au
✹ chapter warnings- sexual content, mentions of criminal acts/police, unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), mentions of death, guns, unhealthy obsession with each other lol
✹ a/n- hi loves! i wanted to challenge myself and write something a bit more prose-heavy than any sort of plot or semblance of plot. i hope you enjoy this random drabble that wouldnt leave my brain!!! thanks to @ladyartemesia @xjoonchildx @untaemedqueen and @nomseok​ for looking over it for me and helping me feel better about it LOLLL. i love u all ALSO PLS LISTEN TO THE SONG BONNIE AND CLYDE BY YUQI IT IS AMAZING AND WHERE I GOT ALL MY INSPO FOR THIS!!
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 75 mph…
100 mph…
Yoongi’s hand grips tight on the inside of your thigh, fingers pressing into the supple flesh as his foot presses down the gas pedal. 
The engine roars, matching the screaming explosion you feel inside your chest. Your veins feel like they’re flowing with the same high-octane fuel that Yoongi’s injected to the engine of the 1969 matte black Camaro.
Yoongi.
There’s nothing in the world you wouldn’t do for Yoongi.
The engine screams to life again, tearing through the otherwise silent car. It won’t be quiet for long. You can hear the distant blaring of police sirens, the low-grade rumble of helicopter wings closing in.
Yoongi simply smirks when you glance at him, eyes focused on the road with one hand on the leather steering wheel and the other rubbing at the skin of your inner thigh.
The sirens sound closer, only streets away now. Yoongi acts as if it’s only you and him, as if there’s nowhere else he’d rather be than right here in this car with you beside him and the bag of prized jewels in the back.
You love him. You love him more than you’ve ever loved another, more than you’d ever convince yourself you’d love again. He’s all-consuming. Yoongi is the cosmos, the universe that holds you within his center.
You’d die for Yoongi.
You’d kill.
“Yoongi,” you breathe, unable to speak any further. You don’t need to. Yoongi knows what you’re saying. He grips your leg tighter and the smirk widens on his face, finally flickering his eyes over to your own. 
“I know,” he says. Because he does.
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Yoongi gives no sign that he’s scared. He’s the picture of composure as he squeezes the car through narrow streets, tires squealing as he spins the wheel to slide into the next alley way and dodge the cops through yet another neighborhood. He doesn’t even bat an eye as he defends you inside the jobs, gun blazing as he ensures your safety without even a glance back. 
He gives no indication that anything can go wrong, as if his mind is already made up that everything will be okay and you’ll both get out, get away, without a scratch.
It’s different when he lays you down. He sets you on the cheap motel mattress with care, like a delicate doll, made of glass and ceramic, one wrong move away from breaking.
He presses his lips to every inch of your body, as if ensuring himself that you’re okay, that you’re here, that he got you out safely. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t want to break the reverent silence of the dingy bedroom that becomes his chapel when he has you in his arms.
Safe. 
You’re safe and Yoongi needs hours to remind himself of that, needs more than just kisses and touches. He pushes himself into you slowly, letting the tight heat of your core remind him just how alive you are. He opens you up like a prayer, spreading your legs and gasping for air as he recites the only invocation he knows, the only one he believes in.
“I love you.”
Sweaty and overheated, your hands grasp for any part of Yoongi you can--his arms, his vascular hands. You need more, need to feel him in more ways than you can count. Yoongi feels so good buried deep inside you, rocking his hips against your own and making your body scream with pent-up desire.
“I love you, Yoongi,” you nearly scream as he hits a spot within you that makes you forget about the whole world around you. “Only you.”
Yoongi doesn’t believe in a God, doesn’t believe in any higher power. But he thinks the closest to heaven is the way you cry his name for him, the way you keen for more as he spills himself inside you.
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The duffel bag of dollar bills is heavy in your lap as you throw yourself into the Camaro, running from the high rise bank, and Yoongi slams on the gas pedal before you can even close the door.
“Shit!” Your hands grip at the duffel bag, trying to stay afloat in the speeding car. The door closes by itself after he careens down the highway and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.
“God, that was so fucking good,” Yoongi grins, voice high with excitement and adreneline. “You did so fucking good, baby doll.”
The praise goes straight to your heart, straight to the muscle inside your chest that has Yoongi’s name stamped into each vein, each artery. He’s yours, he’s so wholly yours and you so wholly his, you think you can’t even breathe without him around.
You don’t watch where he drives, too focused on the curve of his cheeks, the way his black hair is pushed back messily. You don’t care where he takes you. All you need is him and the feel of his hand resting on your thigh, a spot made just for him.
Yoongi.
I’d die for you, Yoongi, don’t you know that?
Yoongi finally, blessedly, looks over at you once he’s settled himself onto a long stretch of highway outside of the city, no longer looking in the rearview mirror for the shining lights of the police, no longer zipping and weaving between other cars on the road.
The peace of the open road settles in your chest and you let go of the duffle bag, throwing it over your shoulder to sit in the backseat, in between the bag of jewels and the expensive artwork from the last heist.
You settle into the seat and he lets his fingers spread out, touching you as if grounding himself to you. 
“You’re my ride or die, baby,” he breathes after a moment of silence. You stare straight ahead, watching as the dark sunset ahead of you bursts in an explosion of colors.
“Forever, Yoongi.”
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Yoongi could spend hours between your thighs. He doesn’t even make any attempts to remove himself from the taste of your slick cunt until you’ve climaxed twice from his tongue. He eats you like he’s parched, only able to sate his thirst by drinking directly from your core.
He holds your legs tight, reminding himself you’re here, you’re with him, you’re never leaving and he’s never letting you go. 
Your hands thread through his hair, gripping the silken raven locks as he digs his tongue into your channel yet again, lapping up the sweetness that spills from your orgasm, relishing in the rhythmic chanting of his name. He never wants to hear anything else drip from your lips, wants no other name but his own staining the pretty pout and echoing around the motel room.
You are his everything. His world. His universe. 
He finally pulls away, smiling up at you after your third consecutive orgasm wrought by his mouth, and kisses at the skin of your thighs--the same place he allows his hand to rest when he steers you away from the chaos of your burglaries.
“I love you more than anything in this world,” he breathes, pressing his soft kisses up your legs and swirling around your belly.
“More than money?” You ask, out of breath.
“More than money.”
“More than jewels?”
“More than anything any bank in the world combined could have in their stores,” he promises to every inch of your breasts, tongue lapping at the nipple. “More than any king could ever want.”
“Yoongi,” you sigh when he finally slides into you, completing you. You’re nothing without him, nothing without the feeling of him within you.
“Say it again,” he whispers against your ear as he thrusts into you gently, holding you tenderly in his arms.
“Yoongi.”
His head falls against your own, foreheads touching as he bores his eyes into yours. His. His, his, his. You’re his only, and his forever, and he never wants to live another moment, another day, another second, without you.
He claims you, seed spilling deep into your womb at the height of your shared climax. Your body welcomes him, clenches with desire and milks him to the last drop, desperate to keep him within you for as long as you can.
“It’s just you and me forever, baby,” he says after he’s cleaned you up and laid you down.
Suddenly, there’s sirens and the flashing red and blue lights outside the window.
“Come out! We have you surrounded.”
Yoongi helps you throw on clothes, whispering hurriedly as he stashes the guns he needs into his pocket and throws one to you. 
He throws a look at you as he knocks the glass out of the back window of the bathroom.
“You ready for another adventure, baby?”
The gun feels heavy in your hands, but solid. Comforting. The gun is your means of staying with Yoongi, never leaving his sight. You’d take down anything that stood in the way, eliminate any threat that posed a risk of taking him away.
He notes your silence and kisses you quick, before hoisting you up to climb out the window and make a run for the hidden Camaro in the alleyway.
He catches up to you, hand slipping into your own and tugging you to run faster, the Camaro coming into your sights like a sanctuary. You can hear the pounding footsteps of the police around the building, the splintering wood as they force themselves into the now-vacant motel room, still wet and hot from where you made love.
Yoongi grins as he slides into the car and fires the engine, pulling you in for a deep and passionate kiss, hands hovering over the steering wheel.
With a quirk of his lips, he places his hand back on it’s spot on your thigh.
“Ride or die, right, baby?”
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ecoamerica · 2 months
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youtube
Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared
The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!
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abbacchiosbelt · 3 years
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Someone Great | Yandere!Satoru Gojo x GN!Reader
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Word Count: 3.1k.
CW: Manipulation, yandere behavior, kidnapping. SFW but allusions to not sfw acts.
-
"What's wrong, sugar?"
Gojo's sing-song voice makes you cringe - he knows what's wrong. It's just like him to play the fool, to pretend that he was innocent in all of this and that you were the one with the problem. You glare at him and he holds his hands up, the grin on his face never faltering.
"You know I'm just doing this to keep you safe. How many times do I have to tell you—"
You cut him off, repeating the phrase he had attempted to drill into your head back to him. "You're the strongest. No need to tell me again."
Gojo shrugs, unbothered. "I'm the strongest." You roll your eyes at his need to repeat what you'd just said, the words only meant to stroke his out-of-control ego. Gojo plops down where you're tied up on his couch, snaking an arm around your shoulder. Even if you pulled away, there would be no escape from him. Some bullshit jujutsu sorcery kept you bound to your current spot, unable to move. Gojo squeezes your shoulders with his broad arm, making you wince. "C'mon, at least look at me. You know I love you."
Anyone else in the world would be lucky to see Gojo's eyes and hear those words from him - you'd felt lucky once, too. But that was before Gojo took an interest in you, before he took control of your life.
"Baby," he sighs, pressing a peck to your cheek. "You've gotta get used to this. You can't keep fighting me forever. I know you love me too."
"It's been a week," you spit. "A week since you trapped me here."
"And haven't I treated you well?" Gojo replies, calm.
"I would never hurt you. You'll realize one day that this is what's best for you."
I.
There was a distinct divide in the world you lived in - there were civilians, and there were Jujutsu Sorcerers. With the sorcerers came curses, although the average civilian wasn't meant to be aware of curses or what they entailed. You, however, had become a frequent flyer when it came to needing the help of Jujutsu Sorcerers.
When you were born, a curse attached itself to your back. Later, you'd learn that there was a man in the hospital room with your parents meant to dispatch the very thing that had attached itself to your back. You were only 5 when your grandmother had told you about the family curse - each child born in your family was cursed upon birth. It had been happening for centuries. Allegedly, one of your ancestors had done something to anger an obscenely powerful curse. Your life would be filled with troublesome events, she'd said. But it wasn't all bad. There were people in this world who could dispatch such curses. They could see them, unlike you or your family. Your life wouldn't be easy, but it wasn't over before it began.
It wasn't easy. People tended to avoid you, even when you were young and innocent. It was hard to make friends, and most of the interaction you got aside from your family involved the sorcerers dispatched to take care of the ever-returning curse on your back. They were kind to you, but they were always distant. You did the best you could, hoping that one day someone would be able to see past the gloomy aura that followed you around.
That someone came in the form of one Satoru Gojo, dispatched to dispel your curse when you were in your mid-twenties. You had recently moved and registered with the local technical college. By now, it wasn't a big deal to you to tell people about your curse, especially to jujutsu sorcerers. They always were a bit odd, and though you had never grown close to any of the sorcerers who had serviced you, their presence was more calming than the presence of your peers.
Gojo had been sent to your home, the technical college hoping to ease your burden (and unknown to you, hoping to offload Gojo for just a couple of hours) by not making you take the train. His arrival was like no other jujutsu sorcerer you had met - he'd barged in your house without knocking, a broad smile on his face and stylish sunglasses covering his eyes.
The shriek you made at his surprise intrusion was undignified, but the white-haired sorcerer didn't seem bothered. He had laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "Aah, sorry. I thought this was an urgent deal." He raises his eyebrows as he watches your lips contort into a frown. "I'll knock next time."
"You'd better," you mumble, and Gojo smiles.
"Or else?" He quips, taking a step towards you. You didn't even know this man, and he was acting like this? This is who the technical college had sent over?
"I'll request someone else." You respond, curt. He laughs, loud and jovial. What was with this man?
"They didn't tell you about me, then?" He crosses the distance between the two of you and sticks his hand out, tongue poking out of his mouth. You take his hand, dubious, and he shakes it with vigor. "I'm Satoru Goju, and I'm the strongest Jujutsu Sorcerer."
You stare at him for a moment, dumbfounded. He really had an ego on him. He takes your silence in stride, still smiling. "I know. You don't meet people like me every day. But trust me, I'm here to help you. Don't you feel better knowing that I'm here?"
As much as you wanted to tell him no, that he's a certified, over-bearing maniac who just barged into your house... You can't help but bask in the comforting aura he emits. Something about him, despite his manic personality, felt safe. The air in the room felt calming—
Gojo notices your sudden shift in behavior and tilts his head, still smiling "When we shook hands. No need to worry about it coming back for a while."
"Oh," you reply, amazed. It didn't take the other sorcerers long to dispel the curse on your back, but it usually was a bit of an affair. Satoru Gojo had gotten rid of the damn thing without needing to lift his pinky finger. "Well... Thanks." You shift from side to side, suddenly feeling small in his presence. Maybe he really was the strongest.
Gojo puts his hands in his pockets and leans back, relaxed. "If you really want to thank me, let's go into town. I'm starved."
The awe you felt immediately dissipates and turns back into annoyance. Sure, he had done you a great favor, but it was part of a contract you had with the college. Now he wanted food? Still... You couldn't deny that you were curious about him, even if he was managing to press all your buttons upon your very first meeting. You sigh, resigned to the fact that you knew you would regret it if you didn't take him up on his offer.
"Fine. Let me grab my bag." Gojo claps his hands together at your response, humming contentedly.
"Great! I have a bit of a sweet tooth, so I hope you're okay with sweets for lunch..."
Gojo goes on and on about his favorites while you grab your bag, fighting with yourself not to roll your eyes at him. What had the college gotten you into?
-
II.
As time passes and Gojo visits you to remove your clingy curse, the two of you grow closer. It's slow, at first. He gloms onto the fact that he annoys you and revels in it, smiling with glee every time you roll your eyes at him. At one point, he removes his shades when he arrives and teases you about the expression on your face for the rest of the day. It's like he can read your mind - you want to kick yourself for being so obvious, but it's impossible with someone like Gojo around. No matter what he does or how much he makes your blood boil, the calming aura surrounding him never falters. You feel at home around him. When you start to feel something tugging at your heart whenever he's around, you know you're at the point of no return.
You don't expect anything, though. Gojo is beyond your level - it's not a judgment of yourself, but simply a fact of life. Besides, Jujutsu Sorcerers were hesitant to get in relationships with civilians from what you'd learned over the years. You couldn't blame them, as their line of duty would put their partner in harm's way. The least they could do was be with another sorcerer who was able to defend themselves.
It comes to a head one evening when Gojo had stopped by unannounced. You weren't due for another curse removal, but you didn't mind his company. You had answered the door in your pajamas, not expecting anyone other than perhaps a neighbor wanting to ask you a question. Instead, you opened the door to see Gojo standing there dressed to the nines and holding a gigantic bag from the sweets store you and he frequented.
"U-uh." You stammer, feeling at a loss for words. "Gojo?"
He shifts from side to side, and you catch the tiniest hint of nervousness from him. Odd. "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by. I know you're curse-free right now, but I always want to check on you."
You balk at how smoothly he'd confessed, ushering him in without saying another word. You weren't sure what to say - had Gojo really just said what you think he'd said? He always wanted to check on you? Surely he meant it platonically, there was no way he looked at you romantically.
Gojo sits down on your couch likes he owns it and pats the spot next to him. You sit down without thinking, watching Gojo carefully as he unloads the bag of sweets on the coffee table. He talks about the different sweets as he places them gently onto the table. His blindfold had been pushed up, revealing those sparkling blue eyes of his that made you feel like you could gaze at him forever.
"Are you even listening?" You snap your head towards Gojo, finding his lips just a breadth away from yours. He had moved closer, close enough so that you could feel the warmth of his body, and you had been too distracted by your thoughts about him to notice the very real physicality of him.
"Gojo," you mumble, He pulls back a little and simply gazes into your eyes, waiting for you to continue. For a man who always talked, he was being rather quiet right now. "Why did you come here?"
Gojo smiles, soft - it's a look you haven't seen on him before. "Why else?" He leans towards you, oh-so-close again. "I can't stay away from you."
Whatever self-control you had is gone, and you lean forward to press your lips against his. He responded immediately, using one of his broad hands to cup your face as he deepens the kiss. The tension between the two of you is palpable, and the heat flooding through your veins is telling you more, more, more—
But just like that, he pulls away, sighing.
"Gojo?" You ask, concerned. Was it you? He looks at you, the longing in his eyes obvious.
"You know you can call me Satoru," He says, playful. But a second later, his face falls into a serious expression again. "I want this. I want you." He turns to face you, sliding one of his hands onto your thigh. "But this isn't what jujutsu sorcerers do. The danger you would be in if we were together... I can't put you through that."
As much as you want to argue, you know he's telling you the truth. You place a hand atop his. "Satoru, then. I think it's obvious I want this too." He smiles and gives your thigh a tiny squeeze. "I won't force you to do something you're not comfortable with. But, you'll still be my friend, won't you?"
Gojo chuckles, but there's no mirth in his laugh. "Who else would annoy you? Ah... I could never be without you, either." He turns away from you and stares into the distance, closing his eyes. "Maybe..." He shakes his head suddenly and turns back towards you.
"I should go." He bites his lip, staring at you. "Or maybe... just once. We could be together."
Oh. Oh.
"I'd love to, Satoru."
-
III.
Once turns into twice, and twice turns into three times. Gojo departs after cleaning your sheets and making you breakfast, ignoring your pleas that he didn't have to do any of that. 'It's the least I can do,' he'd said, smiling all the while. It had felt off, though - like there was something unsaid. You'd chalked it off to melancholy over the fact that things could go no further, and had spent the rest of the day busying yourself with chores.
The visits continue, though, even when you don't have a curse that needs expelling. Things don't make it to the bedroom again, but Gojo is intense. His eyes are always on you, and he's practically plastered to your side. When you go out he keeps his distance, but he's always on alert. He takes your hand when he knows no one is looking and sneaks kisses to the top of your head in private. You accept it, knowing that this is how things have to be.
It concerns you when suddenly, Gojo starts to appear at your apartment every day. You'd thought about giving him a key, but you couldn't remember if you had or not - yet he had a key, and he'd told you that you'd very much given it to him. Perhaps it was the curse muddling with your memory, he'd suggested. It had happened before.
It's fine, then. He's just looking out for you - it's the best he can do in the current situation. Gojo starts to spend the night, walking around your apartment at inane hours to make sure things were okay. When you're sleeping, he checks your phone (he'd watched you put in the password) and your calendar. He deletes texts from people he doesn't approve of and removes calendar dates when they interfere with his schedule. It's all to keep you safe, of course. You are the most important thing in the world to him.
You're blissfully unaware of this, writing off any strange incidents happening to you simply because of the curse that clung to your back. Even when it wasn't present, it still appeared to meddle in your life. As long as Gojo was there, though, you felt safe.
You never expect Gojo to be the one who makes you feel unsafe.
-
IV.
A particularly busy week at work left you unable to see Gojo for longer than usual - you were working, and he was out of the country on official business. You couldn't answer his calls or texts like usual, only replying every once and a while when you had the chance.
When Gojo returned, he was angry. You'd never seen him angry before, yet here he stood in front of you, eyebrows furrowed as he lectured you about answering his texts. It was unusual, and it felt wrong. You weren't dating him. You were just friends. That had been established by Gojo himself, so why was he acting like this?
"Satoru, you're not my boyfriend. You don't need to keep track of me every second. Even if we were dating, it'd still be too much."
He grits his teeth at that, clearly not impressed. "Don't you understand how much you mean to me? I can't stand it when I'm not with you."
You give him a pointed look. "This is... too much. I don't like it when you act like this." As much as you cared about him, this was ridiculous. He wasn't your keeper. You think of the threat you made the first day you met him. "I can request someone else to dispel my curse." He glares at you. "We'll still be friends. We just need some time apart."
"You don't get it." Gojo scolds. "I didn't want to do this, but I can't take it any longer. You can't take care of yourself. I need to protect you." He's on you faster than you can blink, and the last thing you see before your vision goes black is his angry expression softening back into bliss. "Just go to sleep. We'll be home soon."
-
V.
When you wake up, you're in a strange room with no windows. It's pitch black, but whatever you're laying on is heavenly. It's plush, and it smells like Gojo— Gojo. You panic, sitting up in a hurry and rushing towards the door. Locked. You shake the handle and pound on the door, confused and terrified. "Satoru? Are you there?" You yell, panic in your throat. "Please, let's talk! Please, Satoru!"
The door swings open and you fall back, gazing up at the towering figure before you. Gojo had never intimidated you, but the way he stood above you now was terrifying.
"How are you feeling, sugar? I hope that didn't hurt." He steps into the room and flicks on the light switch, alighting the room with a soft blue glow. He crouches in front of you and pushes his blindfold up, a manic smile crossing his lips. "I love you. I want to keep you safe. This is the best solution," Gojo says. "It's the easiest solution."
"W-what?" You're baffled by his words, by his behavior. What had he done? "Satoru, this isn't... This isn't normal. You have to let me out of here." You pause, trying to think of something to push him towards your favor. "We can figure our relationship out. I-I didn't mean what I said about requesting someone new, I just got scared."
"And I don't want you to be scared of anything," Gojo says, giving your head a condescending pat. "You won't be as long as you're here with me."
You grunt, frustrated. He was the reason you were scared! "I can't stay here forever. You won't do this to me."
"I will." Gojo tilts his head. "I told you, I love you. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe."
Tears well in your eyes - what else could you say or do? Nothing was getting through to him. Gojo notices the tears brimming in your eyes and leans forward, wrapping his arms around you. What once felt comforting feels suffocating, the warmth of his body and the familiar scent of him all too much.
"This is what's best for you. I promise."
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mountswhore · 3 years
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hey! see u were taking requests so i wanted one with mason related to "london boy" by taylor swift? maybe reader is a singer or something like that?
one of the best taylor swift songs imo, so of course!
𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐨𝐲 — mason mount
summary: mason shows you around london during your break, and now you don't think you can ever go back
notes: requests are open again! my asks are open.
Leaving your hometown in New York to visit the world was one of the hardest things you had to do. But you had your dream job, now it was time to follow it. Your recent album was a success, pouring your heart into it as you recovered from your breakup. Your fans had watched your relationship build, and then break apart. Hearing your side of things through 14 songs. Awards, interviews, and traction had come from it, earning you a world tour. It was a scary thing to do, considering it was your first international tour.
“I just want to come back to New York already, I’ve not been on this tour long.” You complained to your sister, curled up in a hotel bed in London. Your first destination was the UK, and there was nothing worse than being homesick.
“Quit being a baby, the UK is so nice.” Your sister replied, chuckling shortly afterwards. “Me and dad visited Manchester, I think? Very nice looking, at least where we stayed.” You sighed, knowing that didn’t make it any easier. You loved your cosy apartment in New York, you were even starting to miss the constant traffic sounds and arguing in the early hours of the morning.
“I guess, and I know London is nice, at least. I think I’m gonna interact with some fans,” you decided, pulling the duvet further up your body, “speak tomorrow at sound check.” You ended the call, liking some tweets and replying to a few things, eventually tweeting something of your own.
“Happy to see a lot of my UK fans tomorrow, can’t wait to scream my feelings out with you,” Declan read out, giving Mason a cheeky look. The pair of them were in Mason’s living room, enjoying their evening of FIFA. The boys had spoken about you plenty of times, in interviews too, Mason declaring you as his celebrity crush.
“Shut up already, she probably doesn’t even know who I am.” Mason stated, resting his arm over his eyes to conceal the blush on his face. Him, Declan and a few other boys were going to your concert tomorrow night, some of the WAGs suggested it as they loved your music.
“You think she’s not going to notice a blue tick in her dm’s? It’s worth a shot.” Declan encouraged his friend to shoot his shot, close to grabbing his phone and doing it himself, but instead he was watching Mason bashfully scroll through your twitter replies. “Do it, or I will.”
Mason sighed, clicking the reply button and typing out a reply, handing the phone to Declan to review. ‘Can’t wait, wanna see you.’
“Perfect,” Declan mumbled, pressing the reply button for him. He knew Mason never would, he just saved him 20 minutes of back and forth debate. Handing Mason his phone back, Declan smirked as he watched his friend's face change from fairly embarrassed, to shocked.
“There’s no fucking way you sent that.” Mason remarked, refreshing his phone to see his tweet attract likes. “You dick.”
Declan just laughed as Mason had turned completely red, watching the likes and replies collect under his tweet. Moments later, you’d appeared in his dm’s.
‘I recognise you.’
It was an ominous message from you, one that had you pacing and replaying the creepy message over and over again. But Mason smiled at the message, all ounces of worry leaving his body as he replied to you.
‘Oh yeah? From where?’
‘Actually, I think I recognise your teammate, Pulisic. He’s all my brother talks about sometimes. But all I know is that he plays for a soccer team.’
He laughed at your reply, Declan watching over in pure disbelief.
‘You have a lot to learn about the UK, and luckily I know all about it.’
‘I’ll hold you to that, come backstage after the show, bring whoever you’re with. I’m in London for the next few days before my next show, maybe you can show me around.’
“There’s no way you’re flirting with Y/N Y/L/N within two minutes of replying to her tweet.” Declan stated, Mason smirking at his best friend before sending another reply.
‘Bet.'
Your show was now over and you were anxiously waiting for the boys to be escorted back stage. You didn't know much about football, especially over here, but you knew the boys that were coming back stage were professionals. You'd learnt their names, Declan, Jack, and Mason. Jack and Declan brought their girlfriends along, but Mason was 'painfully single', as he put it.
Finally, as you sat down in your chair to relax, you heard a knock at the door. It was them. They had all filed in, the two girls in shock that they were meeting you. You'd given them all a hug, and gotten to Mason. He looked down at you as you pulled him in, squeezing you tightly before letting you go again.
"Did you guys enjoy it?" You asked, ushering them to the couch for them to sit down. You wanted them to feel as comfortable as possible, rushing over to your dressing room fridge and pulling out some drinks.
"It was amazing," Sasha gawked, still in awe over seeing you for the first time, "we saw you have one in Birmingham in a few weeks, so we're going to that one too." You blushed, returning to your seat opposite the couch.
"That's so sweet! I'm sure I can get you some good tickets, I'll dm you on Instagram or something." You suggested to her, Sasha eagerly nodding her head. You conversed with the group of five, Mason giving you a particular look that you had mirrored back to him. You planned on getting his number, and making sure he showed you around London.
Soon enough, the group was heading back to wherever they were staying, as it was beginning to get quite late. "Thank you guys for coming, and I'm so glad I met you."
Mason stayed behind, folding his arms and sharing a smirk with you as his friends voices trailed down the hallway. "So, about this bet."
"Yeah," you replied casually, grabbing your water bottle from the table and taking a sip, being in the presence of an attractive man again was giving you quite the nerves, "I'll take your number, because I'd love to get to know London." He nodded, grabbing his phone from his jacket pocket and handing it to you.
"Perfect. See you."
You and Mason had planned your first meeting in a pub. It wasn't the classiest of places, but your plan was to get to know the UK. Mason had ordered you both a drink, guessing what you like and nailing it when you went in for a second sip and shoved a thumb up.
"So," he began, fiddling with the coaster his beer sat on, "how long are you in London for?"
"Just until Thursday, Friday morning I'm heading to Manchester." You stated, realising you only had four days with Mason, including today.
"Well, we better make the days count then." Mason declared. The pair of you spoke about his career as well as yours, talking about how different school was for the pair of you. Mason had stood up, holding his hand out for you to take, and you'd accepted it without complaint. He led you out of the pub and through the town center, gazing at the stalls set up around you. The weather wasn't so different to New York, both constantly dreary, but you were liking London so far.
On your second day together, you'd taken a cab to another town, this time to just experience the busy streets. To Mason, this was normal. For you, it was only familiar. New York was one of the busiest cities in the world, but London was different, better in every other way. You'd finished your day together, stomachs full of pub food, and in the back of a cab, rain pattering on the windows. You'd shuffled closer to Mason, placing your hand on his and squeezing. He looked at you briefly, smiling his usual smile, before quickly looking out at the street in an effort to hide his tinged cheeks.
Day three, the weather was too bad to do anything. But Mason kept you company in your hotel room. He'd taught you a bunch of British slang, laughing as your accent completely butchered them all. You'd shown him a snippet of your new song before room service had arrived. And the night ended with the pair of you collapsed in your bed, tv playing in the back ground, but your eyes on each other. It was like pure magic, the long-awaited feeling of his lips on yours. You'd been thinking about it all day, missing every opportunity until now.
Your final day was the worst. You both knew it was coming, you wouldn't see him until you had a break, and he had one too. You both had stupidly busy schedules, as well as living in different countries. Maybe one day you could bring him to New York, show him your side of life. And maybe one day you'll branch out and move here.
Mason had helped you carry your things out of your hotel room, which was taking you to Manchester. Your manager had texted you to be in the car before 3, which meant you had just 10 minutes until you had to say goodbye to Mason for a while.
You were stood in the foyer of the hotel, waiting for the car to arrive. You'd secretly hoped it didn't, you wanted to stay with Mason for a while longer, but you couldn't. Duty called.
"Thank you for showing me around London," you spoke, looking up at Mason, who was hiding his deflated feelings, "I really enjoyed it, I might even prefer it to New York."
"That's a given. I'm here." He joked, in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood. These four days had been immense fun for him, different to how he usually spent his days. Different than night at home alone, different than a night on the town. Was it too soon to say he missed you?
Mason looked down at you as you clung to his side, hoping he felt the same way you did. And he did, you just didn’t know that. His fingers slid across your jaw slowly, pulling your chin up to look at him. It was an intense moment, so many different emotions. He’d leaned in and kissed you, it was his parting gift. To say that he’d see you soon enough.
“Enjoy Manchester, I’m sure I can fit another show in somehow.” Mason spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too.” You spoke, the car pulling up outside. He’d dragged your suitcases out to the car, popping them in the boot for you. Finally, he stared at you through the window, which you quickly rolled down. “I fancy you, is that the right term?”
Mason laughed, head tipping back slightly. “Yeah, it is. And I fancy you too.”
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wwalkingdread · 2 years
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Hi, can I just say how thankful I am you're keeping the fandom breathing? I love TWDG so much, Louis and Mitch are my comfort characters, and I can really picture them with how well you write about them!
So thank you! U da best, and take care of yourself!
Also um, if it's not a bother, will you write something about Lou and Mitch (separate) reacting to an s/o who can sing really well? If not, it's totally fine 😊
❥ Mitch and Louis with an S/O Who Can Sing
Characters: Louis, Mitch
Description: Louis and Mitch with an S/O who’s a great singer.
Warnings: None :o)
Notes: THIS IS VERY SWEET THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! <3333 AHhhhhH!!!! I appreciate this feedback so much you don’t understand <3 :o) You have no idea how much this means to me <333 I struggle to write for Louis and Mitch so I’m very surprised… But thank you!! <3
Sidenote, but does anybody else know the song We Don’t Talk About Bruno from Encanto? I can’t explain why, but I feel like Camilo’s part has Louis vibes. I can just imagine him singing that constantly. Especially with the way he sings “Isabella, your boyfriends’ here” in that teasing cousin way? Louis vibes. Rest in peace Louis. You would’ve loved the Encanto soundtrack.
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Louis
♥︎ Honestly, Louis would be thrilled. He’s very theatric and enjoys singing, so he’d be very happy to know somebody he could have duetting him. There are some broadway songs he needs two people for and nobody else at Ericson will entertain the idea of helping him out, despite his pleading.
♥︎ He was blown away the first time he hears you and wasn’t afraid to let you know. He’d immediately start complimenting you. Then he’d try to arrange a duet.
♥︎ If it was a song he knew, he might’ve even started singing along with you, grinning.
♥︎ “What parts would you say you’re better at? ‘Cause I could try with the high parts, but I’m not sure if I want my voice breaking around you.”
♥︎ I think people would honestly be annoyed at how cutesy you two were. They could hear Louis, and maybe even you, both playing the piano together and just harmonising. It’s nice. It’s peaceful and it’s sweet to hear something like that when roaming the hallway. It makes you forget about what’s just over the walls and how everything wants to kill you.
♥︎ But guys… Please stop. It’s staring to feel incredibly Disney…
♥︎ You’re his muse. He takes so much inspiration from you and does his best to compose music that helps him express exactly what he feels about you, without the jokes and the humour.
♥︎ He’s so in love with you, he just has to express it in a way you’d both connect with.
♥︎ You help him live out his life the way he wants. Not many people understand his way of living, how he wants to not worry about tomorrow and just have fun today. He wants to play piano everyday with you, to sing everyday with you. You make him start to actually think about tomorrow, just because he’s already planning ahead. Like, he’s getting ready to practice a song from a musical with you.
♥︎ He doesn’t worry about tomorrow, he’s just excited for it because you’ll be there singing with him.
♥︎ He’ll definitely want to throw a concert. He’ll introduce himself but then he’ll hype you up, introducing you as his amazing, attractive, wonderfully talented and incredible partner. People can’t help but roll their eyes, but also can’t help but smile as his clear adoration regarding you. You two are perfect together.
Mitch
♥︎ Mitch doesn’t really show his appreciation for your voice, but it’s definitely there.
♥︎ Mitch’s love for your singing voice doesn’t come out in heartfelt duets, but rather more quiet moments. He’ll try to subtly ask for you to sing to him so he can drift to sleep to your voice.
♥︎ “That one song… The one you like that’s about dogs or something… How does it go again?” He’ll ask through bleary eyes, his voice thick with sleep. He honestly just wants you to sing him a lullaby. It soothes his nerves and calms his anger.
♥︎ When he first found out he didn’t really say a lot, just saying you were pretty good. Mitch had a hard time complimenting people, especially in a way that sounded genuine, but he tried.
♥︎ It’s weird, but as much as he’s proud of you he gets embarrassed if you sing for other people?? I can’t explain the feeling very well, but I have a musician in the family and I feel weird when people play his music?? I can’t explain it at all without it sounding incredibly negative-
♥︎ But Mitch likes it when your songs are just between you and him… Maybe Willy too. Willy is the only person he’d listen to you with.
♥︎ He’ll say “Willy wanted to hear a song” when it’s not true, but Willy doesn’t blow his cover. Not outright, but he’ll hint at it with a crooked grin as Mitch glares at him. Willy does like your voice too, so he’s okay with letting it slide.
♥︎ Again, he’d never outright ask for you to sing him a song. He found it embarrassing and he had time admitting he liked it. Mitch struggles admitting his positive feelings with anything, so don’t take it personally. He knew that you knew he just wanted you to sing him to sleep, but he didn’t change his approach.
♥︎ “It’s stuck in my head. Hearing it again might make it go away.” Was a popular excuse.
♥︎ He cherishes you so much. He really appreciates you and your talent and he does appreciate the way you lift peoples spirits up with your singing, but he loves it when it’s just for him. He loves the fact you sing just for him, even though you don’t have to .
♥︎ He’ll show you his appreciation through gifts, like carvings or by punching a walker in the face for you. He’ll let you know just how much he loves you through the ways he knows best.
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blu-joons · 3 years
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DATING NCT A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Lee Jeno
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A ⇴ AFFECTION
Jeno’s affection always works in order to suit you. Whether you want him to hold you tight or just rest a hand against you, he’ll do whatever you ask. He’s incredibly accommodating, he doesn’t mind how he holds you just as long as he is.
B ⇴ BEFORE DATING
The two of you met on the set of The Show, you were there on his first day to help him out as a member of staff and show him the ropes. It was only natural that the two of you started chatting as professionals, but over time you found that balance changing into something different for the both of you.
C ⇴ CONFESSION
On his last day of The Show, Jeno knew that he couldn’t risk potentially losing you. As he was clearing out his dressing room, you appeared to say your goodbyes, however Jeno couldn’t let you go that easily. Rather than say goodbye, he sat you down in his dressing room, taking a strong hold of your hand as he began to tell you how he felt about you and how desperate he was not for this to be the last time you saw each other.
D ⇴ DATES
You never quite know what to expect when it comes to a date with Jeno, he loves to surprise you and find unique things for you to do. If there’s a fair in town then Jeno will drag you along, or if a new restaurant has just opened up, he’ll book a table so that you guys can go and explore. If there’s one thing that you can always guarantee on your dates however, it’s that Jeno is a complete gentleman. He always makes sure to hold your hand, open the doors for you, and pays whenever you stop arguing with him that you should split the bill.
E ⇴ EXPERIENCE
The biggest concern that you had with being Jeno’s first relationship was the relationship that he had with the fans. Jeno chose to be clear and transparent with the fans so that they could get to know you and your relationship too. He loved social media at the best of times, but he would often keep the fans updated on the things that you were getting up to on his social media feed too. The connection between you and the fans was key, and so if Jeno could help to build a bond between you both, then he’d do it in a heartbeat.
F ⇴ FIGHTING
Jeno isn’t someone that likes to argue, especially with the person that he’s supposed to love. Whilst he appreciates small squabbles happen between even the best of friends, large and out of proportion arguments are not something that he enjoys. He much prefers to talk things out with you when either of you is frustrated with the other, he tries his best to maintain his composure and keep himself calm, no matter how angry he gets. He’s always respectful, he’ll never go below the belt and risk hurting you, a disagreement is one thing for him, but to go personal is not something that he does or expects you to do either.
G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY
Bonding with his family was actually not a priority for him or his family, they knew that they’d love you, but their biggest concern was how you’d get on with the cats. New people were often a difficult time for them, so it was a much bigger hurdle for you to pass over then ever meeting the rest of his family was.
H ⇴ HOME
Having his own room in the dorm was definitely a bonus for you both and made life easier. Jeno was in no rush to move out anyway at such a young age and knowing that you had a room of privacy certainly made you much more relaxed about living in the dorm too, even if you could always hear the boys outside still.
I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”
Jeno was the first to say, ‘I love you,’ on a date night one evening. He’d been trying to find the perfect time for quite a while, but sitting down to a meal, without any interruptions, ended up seeming like the perfect place for you both. He was nervous for most of the night until he found the courage to say the words you’d always wanted to hear.
J ⇴ JEALOUSY
Being jealous wasn’t something that typically occurred around Jeno, he was usually quite calm and trusting of most people around you. Even if he did feel jealous at all, he’d never make a big deal out of it, especially for your sake, and would wait until the two of you were alone to tell you a little more about how he felt. Causing a big deal over jealous is not his style at all, however, he isn’t afraid to step in like a hero and save the day if he feels like his jealousy is verging on uncomfortable for both him and for you.
K ⇴ KIDS
Having children was something that Jeno had never given any thought to, before dating you, and even at the start of your relationship. When you first mentioned it for the first time it definitely caused his body to tense up for a while. Growing up still felt like it was a long way away for him at times that children had never crossed his mind. For a while you were anxious that you’d said the wrong thing until Jeno quickly reassured you and began to open up his mind to the thought of having children as well.
L ⇴ LAUGHTER
Laughing is one of Jeno’s favourite things in the world, especially when he’s with you. He knows he has the charms, that was one of the first things you learnt about him when you watched him as an MC, but when the two of you were alone, he really felt like he could be himself. He was always laughing and joking around with you, and if you’d had a bad day, then he’d be right there to pick you up straight away and try anything that he could to try and make you smile again. He never wanted you to have a frown when he was around.
M ⇴ MISSING
He tries to smile his way throughout any time that he’s away from you, he doesn’t want the others to notice him missing you, and he definitely doesn’t want you to notice him missing you when he’s on a call with you either. Throughout a tour, you’ll often have small gifts arrive at your front door that Jeno has organised so that he can make sure that you know that he’s still thinking of you and missing you. He loves coming home and seeing all the things that he sent you positioned around the house so that you always have a little something that Jeno has bought for you at your side no matter what room of the house you’re in.
N ⇴ NICKNAMES
Jeno likes to be traditional with his nicknames, ‘jagi,’ is very much a go to for him, however he won’t be opposed to throwing a few different ones in there from time to time as he knows how much it takes you by surprise.
O ⇴ OBSESSION
He’s obsessed with your height, because as far as he is concerned, you’re the perfect height for him to cuddle up to and hold tightly against his body.
P ⇴ PDA
Any affection from Jeno that you receive in public is usually so that he can keep you well protected. There are plenty of times when he’s busy, but he loves to have you join him on his schedules. Whether it’s fans, cameras, or anything else, he’ll always grip onto your waist to keep you near him and away from any sort of trouble.
Q ⇴ QUESTIONS
Whenever he writes a song, he loves to ask for your opinion on what he’s written. You’re far from a lyricist, but Jeno will still come to see you and see what you think, although each time you tell him it’s faultless and perfect.
R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS
As well as songwriting, Jeno loves to play his guitar for you. Whenever you have a bit of a restless night, he’ll pull your frame to rest in between his legs and settle your head against his chest, playing his guitar over you. He always knows the perfect melodies to help try and ease your mind from anything that you’re stressing over and won’t stop until he can comfortably look down and see that you’re fast asleep on him.
S ⇴ SEX
He’s a true romantic when it comes to being intimate, it can often feel like something out of a movie. A dark room, perhaps even some light music in the background, Jeno likes to create the perfect atmosphere so that you can relax under his touch and allow him to take control. He tries to look after you as much as possible and will only let you take care of him if you beg him to let you make sure that he feels good as well.
T ⇴ TEXTS
You never quite know if you’re going to see a text from Jeno or not. Some days he’ll text you constantly, other days, you’ll barely get one, a lot of it depends on how busy he is and whether he can sneak a few minutes on his phone.
U ⇴ UNIVERSE
The chance to fall in love appealed to Jeno from a young age, he just never imagined that it would happen so soon for him. He truly believed that fate brought the two of you together when you met on The Show, and he would always be eternally grateful for it.
V ⇴ VACATION
Europe is somewhere you know that Jeno would love to travel around, so when he gets a bit of time to go on holiday, the two of you organise the perfect road trip for you both. You try to tick off as much of Jeno’s bucket list as you can because with how busy he is, you never know when the opportunity will present itself again.
W ⇴ WHINING
He’s not someone who will tend to whine too often, he’s understanding that you work hard, but he doesn’t want to be left for too long without your attention.
X ⇴ XXXXX
Whenever he has the chance, it becomes second nature for Jeno to kiss you. Even if it’s the quickest kiss in the world, he’ll still give it just so you know that he’s there and has you in his mind. It doesn’t matter to him where he kisses either, he does prefer to kiss the top of your head and engulf you against his chest, but he’ll often kiss the back of your hand or your cheek too depending on how accessible the space is to him.
Y ⇴ YOU
You were his true love, the one that the world had given to him.
Z ⇴ ZZZ
At night, Jeno would make sure to hold you nice and close to him. He knew how important touch was in the evening to ease your mind when you were restless, so much so that you’d often have to ask him to loosen his grip before you fell apart.
---
Masterlist
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Text
just for you, honeybee (5/?)
pairing: steve rogers x reader (platonic), bucky barnes x reader
warnings: grief, sadness, CA:TFA
words: 2,074
authors note: I am so sorry for posting this late, been a crazy few days! anywho, part 5! slowly working our way into The Avengers & The Winter Soldier. not sure how i'll write the avengers yet but i'll figure something out! thank u for being patient!
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Your whole body felt so heavy.
Everything hurt and even with your soft breathing, it was as if all the muscles in your body were screaming at you to stop. Sounds of people cheering were heard but you tried to tune it out, your brain barely able to comprehend why your body hurt so much.
After telling yourself to try to at least open your eyes, you did, and it was so bright. Your eyes fluttered closed once more as you groaned at the light, trying to adjust. Listening to the sound once more, you heard a specific tune – Harry James’ Maria Elena – play on a radio.
You groaned, opening your eyes again as the song continued, hearing Harry’s voice, “Maria Elena, you’re the answer to a prayer…”
God, James loved this song.
Becoming used to the light, you tensed your toes, your legs, your arms, all the way up to your teeth, then untensing. It felt weird, being alive. Wait…were you alive? Maybe?
Before you decided to lay in your cot any longer, you sat up, glancing at your clothes – a plain, white t-shirt with an Eagle in the middle, along with some nice fitting tan pants and some shoes. ‘Odd,’ you thought to yourself, ‘definitely don’t remember changing clothes.’
The room you laid in was relatively plain, nothing was out of the ordinary as Maria Elena continued to play on repeat. “Okay,” you said aloud, “that’s a bit weird.”
With a grumble, you placed your feet on the ground as you held your head in your hands, “ugh, Steve, where the hell are you? ‘Could really use one of Howard’s hangover cures.”
Before you could talk any more nonsense to yourself, the door opened, revealing a beautiful young woman dressed in a nurse’s outfit, “good morning.” She took a quick glance at her watch, “or should I say afternoon.
You eyed her suspiciously as one of your favorite songs quickly grew to be very annoying, “where am I? Where is Steve?”
She seemed a bit nervous as she answered you, “you’re in a recovery room in New York City. Captain Rogers is right beside you, the next room over. He has been informed that you’ve woken up.”
Harry James’ “All or Nothing At All” came on the radio and you felt the urge to roll your eyes, “where am I really?”
The woman chuckled, “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
Your eyes narrowed, “the songs. Listen, any person with a stable head on their shoulders loves Harry James, but there is no way in hell Blue Ribbon Town is playin’ his songs all the damn time. Now, where am I – and tell Steve I want him here.”
The ‘nurse’ – well, you didn’t know if you could call her that cause you seemingly caught her bluff – grew worried as you stood up, the bed creaking below you, “just tell me where I am and where Steve is and I’ll-“
You stilled for a moment, recognizing the sounds of two people arguing, and of course, Steve’s voice. He sounded agitated and on edge, but at least you knew he was safe. Now, you just wanted to get the hell out of here. The woman, nurse, whoever she was, grabbed a walkie-talkie and began talking into it, but you paid no mind to her.
The door opened behind her, revealing a man, you guessed an Agent, in a suit, “who the hell are you? I want to get out of this room.”
The man held out his hands, “Agent Y/N, my name is Phil Coulson, we work with S.H.I.E.L.D. There’s no need to stress, you are alright and safe.”
You squinted your eyes at him, “well, Agent Coulson, I’m sure you can tell why I am even remotely hesitant to trust you, so with all due respect, I’m breaking out of here.”
And with that, you sprinted towards the wall opposite you, ramming shoulder first and knocking it down, revealing bright lights and metal flooring – almost like they were keeping something on the inside.
An alarm sounded above you as you stopped in a hallway, people looking at your figure before gasping. “All agents, code 13” echoed above you as you dragged yourself along, unable to take a second and look. You cursed Steve for leaving you alone, for not hearing you fighting with that woman and Coulson guy. Shoving some men down onto the floor, you continued to run until you pushed open the doors, the outside becoming cold very quickly.
You spun in a circle, trying to take in everything around you as you ran into oncoming traffic, the sounds of horns blaring causing more confusion than anything. Running seemed to be the only thing you knew how to do, the rain drizzling down upon you, doing nothing to slow your speed. The more you ran, the more you realized how unfamiliar everything looked. Neon signs, tall buildings, cars you’ve never seen before – if that woman was telling the truth, when the hell did everything change?
You slowed to a stop, huge moving-picture signs changed above you and the unfamiliarity was daunting. You needed someone’s hand to grab, to hold onto something, so you reached towards your chest, holding tightly onto Bucky’s dog tags.
Black cars pulled in front of you and from behind you, a tall, sort-of menacing man stood before you, “at ease, Agent.”
Your eyebrows furrowed as Steve stepped out of the backseat of the car, looking uneasy; the man continued, hands at the side of his black trench coat and eyepatch adding more questions as to who this man was, “look, I’m sorry about that little show back there, but…we thought it best to break it to you slowly.”
Your grip on Bucky’s dog tags tightened as your breathing quickened, “Steve? Break what?”
The somewhat terrifying man took a breath, “you’ve been asleep, L/N. For almost 70 years – same with your friend Captain here.”
Your heart ached and it hurt to breathe all of a sudden. Tears welled up in your eyes as you tried to steady your breathing, looking around at everything around you. Steve stepped forward, hands quickly grabbing yours even as you tried to move away, “honeybee, I know it’s a lot to take in but you gotta breathe. You got this, you got this…”
You nodded, trying to listen as ringing took over your ears.
Steve turned, trying to catch his breath as the man in front of you looked to you both, “you going to be okay?”
Steve nodded, “she’ll be okay, she’s fine.
The man looked to you, “Miss L/N?”
You tried to steady your breathing, “I need…where is…”
The man held out his hands, “we’ll answer all of your questions, starting with who I am – my name is Director Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D. We’ve been taking care of you both since your discovery and anything you need, you let us know. Now, can we get you situated?”
Steve continued to look confused as you glared at Fury, “how do I know I can trust you?”
Fury gestured to the world surrounding you, “you see anyone else trying to make friends, Miss L/N?”
You grumbled, “y/n is fine, really…Cap, what’s going on?”
Steve gripped your hands, “you can trust him, y/n, I promise. He’ll make sense of everything, he’s a good guy.”
With a glare, you looked towards the Director, “where…where would I be headed with you?”
Nick Fury leaned back on the balls of his feet, “Washington D.C, Triskelion, S.H.I.E.L.D, HQ, specifically.”
With a glance to Steve, you knew that broken look too well – a place to rest, to fully digest this news, would be nice. It seems he has somewhat fit in with this new world that you now have to adjust to. You turned to Fury, “I’ll go with you. But will I be staying there permanently?”
Fury shrugged, “you are in charge of your own life. Once we get you settled, you’re free to do what you wish.”
Steve nodded towards you as he recognized your hesitance – you can trust Nick Fury. You’ll be in charge of your own life once you become accustomed to this new world.
The trip to Washington D.C. was not too troublesome, but coming to terms with what era you were living in sure was. You and Steve were silent the entire ride, making sense of what had happened during your final mission. Once you arrived, Nick Fury had no qualms about telling you what had happened; you had completed the mission, saving millions of lives, and you had won the war.
But it just did not feel right.
You knew why; you shouldn’t be here. At this point, you and Bucky, your Jamie, should be in your late 80s, kids, and grandkids living their lives to the fullest. Yet here you were, living in an unknown world without your James, and the worst part – you had no idea if his body was recovered, if he had a funeral, if Becca had something for him.
That was what the first few months of your new life consisted of: doing research on these high-tech computers about Bucky, Rebecca, catching up on the history you missed out on. Unconsciously, you found yourself researching ‘Colonel Chester Phillips’ and found that your broody Colonel lived the rest of his life to the fullest, becoming one of the founders of S.H.I.E.L.D. – you just knew that man was meant for greatness. Next, ‘Howard Stark’ added to your search and your heart ached.
Howard, your Howie Stark, was murdered.
They had known it was murder, or some kind of setup, once the feds realized much of his equipment was stolen from his car. Howard and his beautiful wife Maria were murdered.
You cried that night.
The next day, you brought yourself to visit Colonel Phillips’ grave and laid a bouquet of flowers on his grave; you knew he’d call you ridiculous, that he didn’t need any flowers, but you did it anyway. Shockingly, Howard and Maria’s gravesite weren’t too far and you had laid flowers on their graves as well.
Steve hadn’t joined you.
You weren’t upset with him, no, just…you weren’t sure. You wished he came along, but he figured giving you space was what you needed when in reality, you needed him – you needed your Steve Rogers from Brooklyn. At least when you two went down, Peggy was still alive; your James wasn’t. A part of you hated Steve for that, but it also grieved with him.
Nothing more was done of your research on Jamie; you’d seen the same thing about him over and over, yet you knew all that was said. However, you loved seeing moving pictures of him and Steve, ones you hadn’t seen before that day. He was just as beautiful as the day he left you for war. His smile made your heart race and his nose scrunch, his eyes squinting during his smile…he was breathtaking.
Reaching below the collar of your shirt, you grasped the dog tags around your neck, thankful S.H.I.E.L.D. hadn’t taken them off. Laying a kiss on them, you let them go, hitting your chest before your fingers met the keyboard: “Grover, Newspaper vendor, Brooklyn.”
That man had continued selling newspapers until his final years and right away, you saw an article titled, “LOCAL NEWS VENDOR SHARES PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH CAPTAIN AMERICA’S PARTNER, Y/N L/N, AFTER LOSS OF CONTACT.” Of course, that old man had to talk about you.
Reading the article, you realized this was right after Steve and you crashed; you felt Grover’s grief and pain through his words. “That kid was a pain in my side, but y/n l/n is – was, one of the lights in my life. She was like the daughter I’ve always wanted an’ while I wish she coulda stayed here, she always told me she needed ta’ do somethin’ with her life,” Grover had said, the author keeping his Brooklyn accent. “Her relationship with James Barnes meant so much to that girl and if there was any way she’d avenge his death, she’d be doin’ it, and I know she did,” he said, “and even though I gotta live the rest of my life without that girl, I know I couldn’t have kept her from doin’ what she thought was best. I love her and…I’ll miss her.”
Visiting his grave was the most emotionally draining day since you’ve been back.
-
honeybee taglist: @clownerlyluv
@ginger-swag-rapunzel
@starkleila
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crowdedimagines · 4 years
Text
Leaked (Finale) Harry Styles
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“You guys got to see a very raw and real side of us. It’s a bummer that it wasn’t our choice, we didn’t choose to reveal such a personal thing that happened, not to mention what else has been leaked.” I sigh, finally breaking eye contact with the camera sitting on a tripod in front of us. The fans will be getting a glimpse into Harry’s home for this video.
“I know what I signed up for when I got into this business, very little privacy, but I never expected it to come to this extreme. M’very private with my relationships, and I never want to see anyone-'' He pauses to focus himself again, I place a hand on his thigh and attempt to carry on. Against the better judgement of both Jeff and Jordan we both decided against a script, we had highlighted points we wanted to address, but didn’t want it to seem disingenuous.
“Harry and I lost a child last July.” I pick my head up letting the tears openly fall without letting myself choke over them, “And the song you guys have all heard came from that, a place of hurt and exhaustion. We never expected the world to hear it, and we never thought those pictures would be out in the world either. But that’s life isn’t it?” I laugh humorlessly.
The song was leaked a few hours ago now, my name having never left the top trending on twitter, but now Harry’s and several conspiracies have joined it. People cutting parts from it with raw and loud sobs coming from each of us, open for discussion among the whole world.
“We love you all, but please understand our choice to step back from the public for the time being.” Harry chimes in. We both look at each other and nod, feeling we addressed what we need to.
“Treat people with kindness, yeah?” I ask as we both get up from our spot on Harry’s couch.
“Yeah.” He pulls me in for a hug, as Jeff gets up to cut the camera. Our teams were both getting the footage and posting it to our accounts. Harry and I have both agreed to a break from phones for a bit.
“Okay, so this will be posted across all platforms, on both of your accounts shortly. I don’t think we’ll need to edit much.”
I walk over to the other side of the living room where Jordan is standing reading through her phone, she glances up as soon as she sees me coming. She puts on a smile, and pulls me in for a tight hug. She knows just how long the past few days have been.
“Alright, Paula and I booked flights, we’re heading out this afternoon to go home.”
“What about me?” I question.
“We both know that you need to stay here for a while.” She smiles, “Take some time to heal, just remember you two never fell out of love. Call me if you need anything.”
I glance back at Harry whose now joined by his sister and mother. I don’t want to leave, to be completely honest. The last thing I want is to have to go home to my empty house in L.A. Harry and I ran away from each other last year, maybe this is the opportunity for us to finally stop running.
Harry’s POV
“Don’t you think that you need to heal together this time? You can’t let her leave again.” My mum explains, trying to make her point, as quietly as possible. I watch as she glances over my shoulder to where Y/n must be somewhere.
“Mum, I can’t make her stay.” I shake my head. I couldn’t make her stay before, now we’ve spent so much time apart. All I want is to pull her into my arms, but I don’t know if that’s what she wants after all this time. Hell, after this week she might not ever want anything to do with me.
“No, but you can ask her.” Gemma nods her head in Y/n’s direction as she walks over to join us.
“Harry, can I talk to you?” Her voice is soft and calm. My shoulders visibly drop as I relax and follow her to the back porch. We sit in the same spot on the couch as we did yesterday.
“What’s going on, love?” I ask once we’ve both taken a seat.
“Well, Jordan and Paula are flying out this afternoon.” She says, she pulls her legs up close to her chest.
“And you?”
Please god tell me you’re staying.
“I think I might stay.” She picks up her head, “If that's alright with you.”
I can’t fight off the smile at this point. I just give her a simple nod, pulling her close to lean on my shoulder. I should’ve known that we were on the exact same page, we always have been.
“I don’t think I could go back to an empty house, to be honest.” She sighs.
“I don’t think I could let you walk out of that door again, to be honest.”
Y/n’s POV
“Do you mean that?” I ask, picking up my head, “Truly?”
He simply nods and bites at his bottom lip.
“What are we supposed to do, Harry? I don’t think we can just pick up where we left off?”
“No, but isn’t that the beauty of it? We can try again, try for a different outcome. Build on how much we already love each other.”
“Hmm, how much we already love each other?” I smirk, my tone taking on a teasing edge.
“Mhm.” Harry hums, his cheeks taking on a pink hue.
“Alright Styles, lets give this a shot.”
T W O Y E A R S L A T E R
“Hello? Is anybody home?” Anne’s voice rings out loudly as she lets herself in the front door.
I make my way downstairs, I’m sure that she’s found Harry who's in the kitchen getting dinner prepared. Gemma got here about ten minutes ago. I put on a record and go to stand in the doorway and watch the encounter. Anne gives her son a big hug, stealing a carrot from his cutting board as they make small chat to catch up.
“Hello.” I walk in, making my presence known.
“Look out you!” Anne squeals, “You’re glowing!” She immediately walks over to pull me in for a hug, her hands resting on my belly once I pull away.
“I feel like a bit of a whale, but thank you.” I smile.
“Oh hush it.” Harry scolds.
“How’re you feeling?”
“Like I’m having a baby in four weeks.”
“Yeah, and she’s still going on runs!” Harry says with a proud grin, “Every morning she gets up with me and we run a few miles.”
“It’s pretty much a fast walk for Harry though.” I smile.
“Yeah, but he isn’t forming a pancreas while he does it!” Gemma cuts in making us all laugh. “We’re more impressed with you.”
“Exactly.” Harry presses a kiss to my temple.
I join Gemma at the counter while Anne helps Harry finish cooking everything. I would help, but my ankles are too swollen by the end of the day, and I know everyone in the room would kick me out before I could even start.
“So, things have been going well with everything? You guys feeling ready to be parents?” Anne grins.
“Is anyone ready before they are?” I ask, “I’m just trying to take it one day at a time, and read as much as I can.”
“You guys will be wonderful parents.”
It means the world to hear this from Anne. It’s been weird to be in London for most of the pregnancy and away from my own mother, but it’s been a blessing to have Anne. She’s an amazing mom herself, and she hasn’t complained once over my odd and annoying questions.
“And if not they’ll have the best Aunt ever to make up for it.”
I roll my eyes and take Gemma’s hand in mine and set it on the front of my belly. Moving and adjusting to the exact spot that the little bean is kicking in.
“That’s mad.” She sighs, “I don’t think I would ever be able to get over that.”
“Harry can be like a leech sometimes! Can’t get him off.” I laugh.
“You feel it all, I’m going to steal as much time as I possibly can.”
We all sit down to eat, and catch up on everything that we’ve missed in life over the past few weeks. Ever since the pregnancy both Anne and Gemma have made an effort to come to our house as often as they can for meals, or even just a visit.
I think we were all a bit shocked to find out I was once again pregnant. Harry and I couldn’t believe it at first, I don’t think we wanted to. Didn’t want to risk getting our hopes up. It had been a year and a few months since we got back together when we found out. Four tests sitting on the counter, two thins lines on each of them.
We waited a long time before telling anyone, too afraid that it could be a repeat of what happened those years ago. Once we did finally tell our families they couldn’t be more excited. The fans were too, surprisingly. I debated pulling a Kylie Jenner and just disappearing from the world for months, but I knew I would get too stir crazy. So as soon as the bump was visible, Harry and I both confirmed it on social media.
The fans were happy for us, most of them were so disappointed and saddened about what happened, they felt bad that we were made to share things neither of us were ready too. This time we were trending for positive reasons, and I’ve never felt more supported by everyone in my life.
F O U R W E E K S L A T E R
“Love, are you sure I’m good to go to the studio?” Harry asks for the millionth time, not wanting to leave me home alone so close to my due date.
“Yes!” I laugh, pushing him closer to the door, “You actually have the time while the bean is inside me, I’ll need you here once they’re out.”
“Alright.” He says with hesitancy, “Please call me for anything. The studio isn’t even far from here, so please don’t hesitate with anything.”
“Ok, babe, just go so you can come back!”
“Promise you’ll call?”
“Yes, I promise.” I laugh, he’s always been protective, but now he’s to a whole nother level since the pregnancy.
“Alright, I’ll bring home food too, I really shouldn’t be gone too long.”
“That’s perfect, babe! Maybe we can get - ow!”
He instantly turns around and pulls his hand from the door when I cry out in pain.
“Darling? Are you okay?”
“No, I’m fine.” I hold out my hand, “It was just this really sharp-ow!”
I cry out again, clutching my belly. Before I know it, a warm liquid is spreading down my legs.
“Love, your water just broke!” He cheers, his eyes saying nervous but he has a smile on his face. “I guess I’m not going to the studio.”
“Oh god!” I groan, I start waddling towards the door, “Okay, you grab the go-bag, I’m gonna start walking to the car.”
I know it might take me awhile to get there. I know it’s not true, but I feel like I need to keep my knees shut from keeping the little bean from falling out.
“Right, go bag.” He mutters to himself, slowly becoming more flustered, “Should we call an ambulance?”
“No.” I laugh, taking deep breaths.
“Love, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Just grab the bag so we can go to the hospital.”
“Yeah-”
“Harry!” I yell, “In the coming hours I am going to force a human being out of my vagina. Now I personally would like to do that at a hospital, will you go grab the bag, or do you need me to do it?”
He swallows and runs upstairs to grab the bag and I make my way to the car. It doesn’t take him long at all, now he’s finally had some sense smacked into him.
“We’re really doing this?” He asks, smiling as he pulls out of the driveway.
“We’re really doing this.” I grin, taking his hand in mine.
O N E   Y E A R  L A T E R
“Happy birthday to you dear, Anderson, happy birthday to you!” We all sing to the little one year old boy I hold tight to my chest.
“Let’s blow out the candles, baby.” I lean forward and blow out the singular candle for the one year old. We made a true event of it, calling everyone we knew practically to celebrate in our backyard, complete with so many games for other children, even though our son was still too young to play most of them. Harry and I couldn’t be more proud of our little boy.
Everyone cheers, I smile looking at Harry who’s got a similar grin. A year in the making to get to this day, lot’s of late nights, but more laughter than anything else. It’s been a wonderful afternoon, everyone loving the little boy who looks practically identical to his father. Cheering as he smashes his little cake all over his face, the table, and his clothes.
“Alright, let’s have Grandma get you all cleaned up!” Anne says as she steals Anderson from me. I smile watching her take the giggly little boy inside to get the cake he’s managed to smear everywhere cleaned off.
Most everyone has left at this point, it has been a packed house to celebrate the one year old, but as it gets later things slow down. It’s finally just down to immediate family and Harry and I can put our feet up for a few minutes.
“Can you believe it? A whole year we’ve been parents.” I lean back into Harry’s side. We’re sat on the outdoor couch, a spot that has grown to contain a lot of heart to hearts over the years.
“No, he’s getting too big too fast.” Harry presses a kiss to the top of my head, “He’s going to be needing another sibling soon.”
I let out a soft chuckle.
“Hmm, is that so?”
“Yeah, who wouldn’t want another kid like that?” We both look over our shoulders to peek in to see Gemma and Anne playing with blocks on the floor in the living room.
“Are you gonna push the next one out?” I tease, I get up and grab the only unopened present that’s remained on the table all day.
“It’s funny that you should say that.” I smirk, turning my attention back on the man I love. I hand him the box, neatly wrapped in polka-dot paper.
“What’s this?”
“Just open it.” I sit down again.
He tears the paper from the box and flips the lid open. His jaw dropping as soon as he sees the contents. Pulling out an olive green tee shirt for Anderson. Simply written across it is “Big Brother”
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“You’re teasing me?” His eyes look hopeful though, like he’s praying I wouldn’t tease him like that.
“You can check the four tests in my drawer in the bathroom if you don’t believe me.” I smirk, “Or the fact that I have an appointment at the clinic this Monday.”
“Shut up.” His grin only getting wider.
“Baby Styles number two, coming soon.”
He tackles me down to the couch, a big warm hug.
“Oh my god.” He sighs into my neck. “I can’t wait to do this all again.”
“Me neither.” I grin, rubbing my hands up and down his back. He finally pulls back to get a good look at me, holding my face in his hands.
“God, I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.”
kinda cheese, but a fun way to end it! this was cute lol
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Text
Can I Have This Dance? (Steve Rogers x Reader)
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Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader
Rating: PG - Fluffy 
Word Count: 2,689
Synopsis: 4 times the reader asked Steve to dance with her and one time Steve her.
Info: Written for @cockslut-padalecki​’s Not My Ninth Challenge in celebration of 9k followers! Also Happy Belated birthday, I hope you had a great one. I choose, How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes and Wedding Ceremony. The dividers are by @firefly-graphics​ 💘 I’m posting this on my barley working laptop, so forgive me. Also all mistakes are mine as this is not beta read.
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1st Time:
Honestly what possessed her to wear her favorite white denim overall shorts to Sam’s barbecue? They were now stained with all all kinds of food and handprints from the children of the Avengers children asking to be held by her. Admittedly seeing everyone so happy and spending the afternoon with her fiancé made it worth it. Also Natasha would probably be able to show her how to get the stains out.
“Want to queue up the next song?” Sam nudged her handing over his phone that was connected to speakers. Giddily Y/N took the phone and went through the approved barbecue playlist as Killer Queen started to play, she continued to scroll as her head bopped to the song. Finding the perfect one she handed the phone over to Sam’s significant other Lou who kissed her on the cheek. 
Bucky and Steve were sharing a phone screen laughing at whatever video it was they were watching, probably one of Alpine that Bucky had taken. Getting up from her chair Y/N stood beside Steve’s and brushed her right hand across his broad shoulders, goosebumps started to rise on his skin as she leaned in to brush her lips beside his ear. 
“Come dance with me, Stevie please?" the blonde's face blushed as his fiance turned away from him making her way back towards the dancing couples. “Punk if you don't I sure as hell will.” Steve turned to give his best friend a glare just as the baritone voice sang out, jumping to his feet.
“I had a thought, dear, however scary, about that night, the bugs and the dirt. Why were you digging? What did you bury? Before those hands pulled me from the earth.” Steve rushed to Y/N’s side, a small smile on her face her fiance placed his face at her time taking in the scent of lavender and mint, while his hands rested at her hips. Y/N’s arms circled his neck interlocking her hands, eyes closing she placed her heads against his chest over his heart. As Hozier sang the couple just swayed from side to side, loving each other.
“I could not ask you where you came from. I could not ask and neither could you. Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we could just kiss like real people do.” As the song came to an end Steve and Y/N’s eyes met, she was biting her lip, a look of worry was in her eyes. 
“What?” Looking placed his hands on Y/N’s face doing everything he could to ease the worry in his fiancés face. 
“Just, how would I live without you?” Steve scoffed and pulled Y/N into his arms, hugging her close, “You’ll never have to live without me, I’m going anywhere. I love you.”
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2nd Time:
“Well son her mother would have loved you and I’m so proud to have you joining our family.” Andy clapped his daughters fiancé on the shoulder, before looking out on the dance floor to see all four of his children dancing together to the Macarena having a good time. 
“I’m lucky to have her Andy and I love both her and this family.” Steve assured Y/N’s father how much he loved her as the song came to an end. The DJ for the reception started to walk towards Y/N’s  sister and her husband. 
Y/N stood between her brothers playfully nudging each other like they used to do as kids. Suddenly it was quiet in the reception hall, both her and Steve were looking at Y/N’s sister and her husband who smiled at everyone, but they were staring at Y/N. 
“I need my sister Y/N and her fiancé Steve to come up here for a second.” Y/N’s brothers pushed her forward, suddenly glad she had exchanged her heels for converse 4 or 5 songs back. Steve and she met halfway there, hands grasping at each other as their fingers intertwined. The blonde leaned over and kissed the crown of his fiancé's face making her blush as they reached Legacie and Michael. 
“This weekend was actually supposed to be the weekend that Y/N and Steve got married, but 6 months ago I came to my sister and told her I was pregnant. Y/N knew Michael and I would want to move our wedding up, Y/N and Steve immediately asked if I would like to take their wedding and for that we are so thankful. The thing about my sister is she is just like our mom, always giving and so loving, it makes so much sense why Steve fell in love with my little sister. I got to thinking a way to thank you and that is dedicating a song to you, your favorite song as a kid.” Legacie passed the microphone back to the DJ, before she reached over kissing her little on the cheek. Y/N looked at her sister before her jaw dropped and her cheeks turned pink as the keyboard of the popular ’90s Australian pop singer hit started to play. 
“I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish. I'll be your fantasy, I'll be your hope, I'll be your love. Be everything that you need.” Y/N still holding onto Steve’s hand turned to stand in front of him and looked up at him. 
“Will you dance with my love?” with a smile on his face, Steve didn't even verbalize his answer, he just gave a tug of her hand pulling her body closer to his, as other couples joined them on the dance floor.
“I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea. I wanna lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me. I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea.I want to live like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me.” As they continued to dance among Legacie and Michale's family and friends, he tried to imagine how he would live without her in his life. He had an answer before the song was even over he knew a life without Y/N was no life at all. 
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3rd Time:
She was trying really hard not to cry but it felt but it was 3:12 in the morning, it was raining, it looked like Bucky had finished off the rest of her Ben and Jerry Star Spangled Berry Swirl, and Friday was playing her I got the blues playlist. Boy did she have the blues, she shouldn’t though, it was November, the holiday season was in full swing, but it was as if her heart wasn’t in it. 
Then the piano kicked in and the tears really started. 
“Look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me.”
Steve down the hall in bed they shared hearing sniffles of his fiancé, got out of bed, grabbing her cardigan from ottoman at the foot of the bed. Y/N stood at the kitchen island sipping a cup of hot tea as Bryan Adams sang. 
“Darling?” Steve came up behind her and placed the over side article of clothing over shoulder, kissing her temple. Setting the steaming cup of lavender and blueberries down, Y/N turned around to look him in the eyes, with tears still coming down. 
“Dance with me Stevie, please?” with a little lift of the right side of his lips. Steve pulled Y/N to him, placing her head over his heartbeat, he encased her his arms and started to sway them. 
“Don't tell me, it’s not worth fightin' for. I can't help it, there’s  nothin' I want more. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you.”
“I can’t live without you Stevie.” Y/N whispered into the night as she looked out at the rain coming down in the night. 
“And you won't have to," Steve promised. 
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4th Time:
It was finally the New Year, 12:01 on January 1st to be exact and everyone was partying at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, thanks to Pepper and Tony. Peter Quill and his friends had made it, Thor with Jane, Carol Danver, Monica Rambeau with her friends Jimmy Woo and Darcy, Fantastic Four, Peter Parker had brought his best friend Ned and girl friend MJ, all the Avengers were there, even the Wakanda gang was accounted for, the place was packed. It seemed as if the bad guys were in need of a day off. 
Steve stood a few feet away from Y/N who was dancing with Natasha, Clint, Shuri, Peter, MJ, Wanda, Scott, Johnny, Groot, Darcy, Sam, Lou, and Jimmy Woo, they were all dancing to thank u, next, laughing and having a good time. Lou was currently on Sam's shoulders making the Bucky who was beside Steve, hoot’d, as he took a shot from the Asgardian mead. It was great for Steve to see all his friends and family to be letting loose. 
Y/N walked over as the song came to a closure and pulled Steve in for a kiss earning a cheer from the group they had surrounded themselves with. Blushing they pulled apart as the familiar violin started to play across the room, making the room erupt cheers yet again. Tonight’s crowd was easily pleased, who knew all it took was alcohol, food, friends, and good music? 
As the drum kicked in, Y/N’s head started to bop her foot tapping along, grabbing Steve’s hand she started to pull him towards the group, grabbing Bucky’s hand along the way. 
“Steve can I have this dance?” Looking over her shoulder as she got ready to start jumping up and down, Steve looked at her as if he had to think on it, but stopped when Bucky hit him in the bicep. “Not with the metal arm, and yes!”
“Come on Eileen! Oh, I swear, what he means. At this moment you mean everything, you in that dress. My thoughts I confess, verge on dirty. Oh, come on Eileen.” The group's form of dancing was jumping up and dancing, moving their heads side to side, throwing in mixed moves, like the sprinkler or epaule here and there. It was just about letting go. Steve and Y/N danced together with the fingers of their left-right hands interlaced jumping up and down, throwing their heads back and forth like they were at a rock concert. 
As Bucky danced with his best friend and the girl that had become like a sister to him, he couldn't picture their lives without one another. There was no Steve without Y/N in it, no Y/N without Steve. They were so madly, deeply in love, that to lose the other it would be close to losing themselves. He vowed at that moment to do whatever it took to always bring Steve home and to always protect Y/N for him. 
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The 1 Time Steve Asked Y/N to Dance:
“This is the best birthday gift I could ever ask for!” Bucky raised his glass of bourbon to the crowded room, before he leaned down to place a kiss on Y/N’s cheek. He had just given his best man speech congratulating his best friend on finding his soulmate who made him happy, and on his retirement. Lou leaned forward putting their arms around Y/N’s shoulders swaying, making the bride laugh as the best friends hugged. 
Steve took the microphone from Sam and pulled Y/N away from her best friend, confused she looked up at him. The room was silent with all eyes on them, as it had been since the moment she stepped out onto the wooden boardwalk Pepper’s people had built leading to the dock, everyone’s eyes had been on them. 
“Through this whole wedding process my wife has been so incredibly patient with me. Originally I just said whatever you want Y/N it’s your day, but she would scrunch her face up, for her family they know what I’m talking about, the one where she doesn’t like something or doesn’t understand, anyways. Lou, Y/N’s best friend and the perfect person for Sam came to me said,
“Rogers for a superhero, you are pretty dense, the wedding day is both your big day. This is a day you both are going to look back on, tell your children about and share with your family and friends. Don’t make her plan it and make all the choices on her own.” Steve looked down at Y/N and smiled, as his wife laughed and gave her best friends hand a tight squeeze before letting it go. 
“So I did what I could, your napkins I chose, thank you very much, your centerpieces though, you are going to have to take that up with the my beautiful wife’s cousin, Willow, she handmaid these beautiful pieces for us, so we could reuse them in our winery and barn.” Willow blew the couple a kiss making the crowd laugh as Y/N caught it and stumbled back, before throwing one back just as extravagantly. 
“Anyways the reason I’m up here is because I really didn’t do that much, but I made a promise to my wife that I, the man out of time, could pick the song we dance to as a married couple.” Turning his body so now the newlyweds were now facing each other, Sam took the microphone holding it up to Steve's mouth, as Steve held both Y/N’s hands in his.
“Steve we’ve talked about this you’re right where you need to be.” Steve just nodded his head and kissed her on the lips getting a few people in the crowd cheering. Bucky, Sam, Lou, and Y/N’s siblings are motioned for the crowd to quiet down. 
“I admit I waited till last night to e-mail our DJ Ned and tell him our song. But to be fair if it hadn’t been for a talk I had while sleeping at Sam’s and him playing this song we probably would just have some random song. Thank you Sam for saving the day.” Sam pulled the microphone telling the couple it was no problem really. 
“With that all said and done, Mrs. Rogers can I have this dance?” Laughing Y/N nodded as they made their way around the tables holding hands waving to their family and friends. Ned Leeds, was the nights DJ, thanks to coming recommended by his friend Peter Parker, this was his hobby by a means to pay for college and his growing obsession of Star Wars Legos. As soon as the couple had made it to the center of the faux hardwood dance floor, he hit play.
“How do I get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?”
Y/N let a gasp slip past her lips as the familiar country song played. Her arms held onto Steve’s shoulders, while he held onto her hips, they did their usual sway, there was no need for fancy footing or putting on a show. This was just them being them, in love, sharing that love with a room full of their closest family friends. 
“I promised you, you wouldn’t have to know what it was like to live without me, and you won’t either of you.” Y/N looked up at him placing a kiss on his soft lips, letting a few tears of happiness slip. This is what contentment felt like, to feel whole, be loved, and find that perfect person. 
“How do I live without you? How do I live without you, baby? How do I live?”
135 notes · View notes
satoruvt · 3 years
Text
for now; forever
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pairing → kwon soonyoung x reader
word count → 9015
genre → mostly fluff, angst ↳ tags: ooh boy. firewatch au, banter, like a little bit (a lot) of pining, strangers to friends to… something, FLIRTING, reader’s kinda fucked up but its ok, hoshi’s weird and endearing (as always), a tiny bit of hurt/comfort, minghao best boy, soonyoung is very sweet it makes me want to cry
synopsis → after an unfortunate burnout that lands you in every critic’s negative and all-seeing eye, you decide to take a break from the one thing you know. you’re not sure if you’ll find what you’re looking for out in the middle of the woods - if you’re looking for anything at all - but at the very least, soonyoung will make the hunt a little less lonely.
warnings → there’s eventually a forest fire (starts on day 64 and is mentioned throughout the rest of the fic) that leads to an evacuation but it’s not super detailed, mentions and descriptions of creative burnout/breakdown
a/n → IT’S FINALLY HERE!!! i made a fancy banner nd everything <3 i know 9k isn’t a lot to some people but this is probably the longest one shot i’ve ever written LMAOO so i hope it’s paced ok and everything <33 PLEASE let me know what yall thought about this i am insanely proud of it. ok thats it hehe. hope you enjoy!!! see u on the other side!!!!
btw here’s a fun playlist of songs i listened to while writing mixed with some songs i think reflect the fic super well <33
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DAY ONE.
So. You’re… out here, now.
Save for the bugs you have to swat at every fifteen seconds, the outdoors doesn’t seem that bad. The weather isn’t too hot (yet, your mind reminds you) and there’s something about the color of the sky that makes your heart constrict in your chest. You can’t tell if it’s good or bad, but given your luck recently, you’re hoping it’s not a warning for the coming months - God knows you need a break. The weight of the journal in your bag feels heavier than any of the camping gear you brought with you.
You debate texting Minghao that you’ve made it to the park safely, but when you check your phone after deciding yes, you see the words no service instead of the familiar lines of a signal. It’s not that big of a deal - you’d told him when you left that you probably wouldn’t have service at all - but a little part of you feels the tender shake of anxiety at the thought of not being able to contact your best friend. 
He was the most worried out of everyone when you told him you were leaving for the summer. You can’t really blame him - it was abrupt, you saw the flyer at the grocery store and took it - but after what happened… doing something felt, feels, better than sitting around and waiting for nothing to happen. Waiting for a healing you aren’t sure will ever come, at least not completely.
“Is this really…” Minghao had started upon first entering your apartment after getting your text. Clothes were thrown all over your bedroom floor in an attempt to pack. “Do you need to do this?”
The tone of his voice told you he wasn’t going to try to stop you, that he just wanted to make sure this was what you needed. You had only nodded, sitting down on the edge of your bed to fold clothes and pack them into your suitcase.
“I just don’t want you to run away from it all,” Minghao said softly, sitting next to you. “You’ll need to face it eventually.”
“Is escaping really such a bad thing?” You asked, looking at Minghao. He gave you the look he did when you said something stupid, and if you weren’t still so wired from everything, you might have laughed. Instead, you sighed, placing a pair of pants into your suitcase. “I just need some time.”
Before you can face it, before you can come back, before you can write again… you still don’t know. Minghao had placed a kind hand on your shoulder to tell you there was no rush.
It’d taken no more than two days for you to get everything ready - including buying some apparently necessary survival equipment from Target. In a matter of a few hours you had gathered everything up, texted some other friends and your family that you might not be available the next few months and then… you left. 
(Your manager was pretty pissed off that you left so suddenly, but she was also pissed off at you when you told her you needed a break for at least a few weeks, so you’re not really offended.)
You take one last longing look at your car before locking it, pocketing the keys, and starting on your hike.
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The hike takes almost the whole day. 
You think you almost cry when you finally see the watch tower you’re supposed to be staying in, your legs barely able to hold the rest of your body up. The hike wasn’t hard, really - long, though, and for someone who usually spends a work day sitting at a desk, you’re surprised you’re still alive. You find the little lock that holds the keys to the tower at the bottom of the stairs, fastened onto the railing. It takes a few seconds for you to enter the code you’d been given earlier, relishing in the soft breeze the cools the sweat on your face and neck. The sun is just barely starting to set beyond the mountains, a beautiful sight that you can’t properly focus on because all you want to do is pass out. You’re pretty sure you almost do on your way up the stairs.
The cabin at the top of the tower is pretty scarcely furnished, save for a few basic necessities (a gas stove rests on one wall, a small desk opposite to it by the door, a mini-fridge, and a bed in the corner plus what looks like a map table in the center of the room). It’s a little weird, a feeling caught between the nostalgia of moving into a new place and something you can’t quite name, but you figure you have a few months to make it all a little more comfortable.
For now, though, you feel like you’re on the last leg of your energy. Your mind is saying eat, sleep, eat, sleep on repeat and you have to agree with it, so you change the sheets on the bed, take down the boards over the windows while you wait for the macaroni from the Kraft box to cook. You end up eating a few forkfuls of poorly-made mac and cheese before crashing.
When you wake up, it’s to gentle static and a semi-clear, unfamiliar voice. It takes you a minute to remember where you are and what you’re doing, too disoriented to even think about the voice, but then - oh. Forest. Watch tower. Escape. Okay.
“Yo, Cottonwood! Am I coming through okay? Pick up your radio!”
Right. The voice. Radio?
“Come on, I saw you get in yesterday, I know you’re there. Unless,” a gasp, “you died! Oh my God, this is like a horror movie… and I’m next!”
You manage to wake up enough to locate your radio (a walkie-talkie resting on a charger on the desk) and, after a few seconds of gentle struggle, work it. “Not dead,” you say, then clear your throat because your voice does not sound good right after waking up. “I mean… almost. But not dead.”
There’s barely a moment of hesitation before the person on the other end hoots, apparently excited. “Arisen from the dead! Brought back to life by none other than the legendary Hoshi!”
A brief thought crosses your mind about having to listen to this guy all summer, but you quickly shoo it away. You won’t have to deal with it for the whole three months, right? “Who… who is Hoshi?”
“Me!” The voice answers, sounding a little too smug. “But it’s really just an alias. You can call me Soonyoung. I’m at Twin Peaks tower, west of yours!”
You spin around your cabin, looking through the windows cluelessly - how long have you been asleep, it’s practically afternoon - until you see a very small silhouette of another tower in the distance. You nod, then realize Soonyoung can’t see you. “Oh. Cool.”
“Aren’t you gonna tell me your name?” Soonyoung asks, but his tone is light, breezy. You blink, reciting your name to him in a daze. “Pretty! So, what brings you out here?”
You weren’t expecting that question. “What?”
Soonyoung giggles into the radio. “Everyone comes out here for some reason. Like… Jihoon says it’s ‘cause it helps him write music. And Joshua loves the outdoors, so… what’s your reason?”
“You…” you start, not exactly wanting to tell a stranger the reason you ran away from everything you know. “Do you normally ask this many questions?”
“Yeah!”
You feel yourself sigh, already tired again.
“I… just wanted to get away for a while,” you end up saying. A half-truth. “I live in the city.”
“No way,” Soonyoung gasps excitedly. “Me too! I wonder if both of us have ever been walking and, like, passed each other without knowing…”
This isn’t exactly what you had in mind when you thought of escaping.
DAY TWO.
The next morning, you dedicate time to getting a little more settled into your home for the next few months. You didn’t bring a lot of decor - you didn’t think you needed any - but even seeing your blanket on the bed and a few books you need to catch up on reading stacked on the desk makes the place feel a little bit more like you. You eventually reach the journal you packed (that Minghao made you pack) and stare at it like it might do something. Like it might tell you to write again, or like it might tell you to leave everything behind. You don’t really know what you want from it.
A sing-songed version of your name comes from your radio and you blink away from the journal, set it down on the desk. “Good morning!” Soonyoung says from the other end, and you feel yourself take a deep breath as you pick up your radio and press down the button so he can hear you.
“Morning, Soonyoung,” you respond, calm compared to his excitement. 
“So… what are your plans for today?”
“Um,” you pause, brows furrowed, looking towards the direction of his tower even though you know he can’t see you. “Looking out for fires?”
“That’s boring,” is Soonyoung’s immediate response, and you laugh a little.
“Kinda my job for a while.”
And listen, you’ve known Soonyoung for less than a full 24 hours, but even before your brain really comprehends what he’s saying you know you’re not going to like it. “Wait, that reminds me,” he says, tone of his voice a little less overexcited puppy. “What did you do before this? Or, like, what’s your career? I mean, you don’t have to answer, I just thought it could be a way for us to get to know each other…”
His voice fades away for the split second you remember a little too much all at once, but somehow your voice still sounds put together when you speak. “Nothing special,” you say. There’s a pause when you don’t elaborate any further, but instead of asking about it, Soonyoung changes the subject.
“Okay!” he says, back to a more playful tone. “Anyways, I asked about your plans ‘cause I kind of need you to do something for me.”
“Already asking favors?” you tease. “We just met, Soonyoung.”
You hear him laugh, loud and hearty, and it’s contagious even through a radio line so you feel your own smile pull at your lips. “One of the other lookouts found some teenagers with fireworks,” he informs you. “I need you to meet him and get the fireworks from him.”
Your feet are already in your shoes, one halfway tied. “You can’t do this?”
Soonyoung’s voice is strangely thoughtful, but you catch a hint of mischief at the end of his sentence. “I would, but Jihoonie said he’d eat me if I tried to see him again and I think he’s serious this time.”
He tells you where the other lookout - Jihoon - should be and gives you a quick lesson on how to properly use your map to get there. You’re not really excited for another hike this early on (you’re still sore from even getting up here) but by the time you meet the halfway mark you’re convinced it’s not that bad. It’s neither long nor challenging, and… well, Soonyoung’s insistent on keeping you company the whole time. 
When you see what looks like a guy at the edge of a now-abandoned camp, you tell Soonyoung you’ll radio him when you’re on your way back to your tower. “Hey,” you call out as you get closer. The man looks up at you, his eyes sharp but not unkind. “Jihoon?”
“Yeah,” he replies. Under his cap you notice that his hair is a gentle silver, almost purple. He’s dressed casually, like you, and you suppose it’s a given since there’s no exact dress code for this job.  “You’re the newbie?”
You didn’t know people knew about you. “I.. I guess,” you say, then tell him your name.
“Cool,” Jihoon says, voice flat like he’s distracted. He picks up the bag next to his feet and hands it to you. “Take these. Thanks.”
He starts to walk away, down a trail opposite the direction you came, but you think of earlier, when Soonyoung asked about your job (or when he didn’t). You call after Jihoon, hesitate, but then opt to make this quick since he looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here. “Have you and Soonyoung… known each other for long?”
Jihoon turns around. He shrugs, then nods. “We met in college, a few years ago.”
“What kind of person is he?”
You watch in vague amusement as Jihoon’s nose scrunches up, but the small smile on his face refuses to hide and it makes you giggle. “Really annyoing,” he tells you, then pauses for a second like he’s looking for the right words, “kind of overwhelming sometimes. But he’s good. He’s someone you want around.”
Someone you want around, your brain repeats to you. You nod with a friendly smile as you haphazardly stuff the fireworks in your hiking bag. “Okay. Thank you.”
Jihoon offers an acknowledging nod of his own before continuing on his way back to his tower. You’re about five minutes into your hike back to yours when your radio sounds from your pocket with a now-familiar voice.
“Are you on your way back?” Soonyoung asks. “You forgot to tell me!”
“Sorry, yeah, I am now. I was talkin’ to Jihoon for a second.”
“Really? That’s weird. He rarely talks to anyone, especially strangers. What’d you talk about?”
You can’t help the small smile that lands on your face as you speak. “Stuff to blackmail you with.”
You think you hear Soonyoung’s groan all the way from his tower, and your smile only grows when it turns into a laugh.
DAY FIVE.
The clouds look dark today.
They haven’t covered the sun completely yet, but they’re closing in fast. You hope that it rains, already sick and tired of the disgusting heat, but also. Something else.
Rainy days always used to be the best to write, your brain supplies to you. You brave a glance at the still-unopened journal on the desk, thinking that maybe…
Your radio turning on drags you away from the crack in metaphorical door, coming at the perfect time as if to tell you that you’re not ready yet. You listen to it, grab the radio, murmur a greeting to Soonyoung.
“It’s getting pretty dark out, huh?” He says. He must be looking at the sky, too.
“Yeah,” you hum. “Hopefully the storm isn’t too bad.”
The line goes quiet, but you know that Soonyoung’s still there even if he isn’t saying anything. The knowledge comforts you, just a little.
“Well... got any rainy day stories?”
DAY SEVENTEEN.
“So, Soonyoung,” you call into your radio as you step outside. You’ve taken advantage of the small balcony around the entire cabin, setting up a few chairs you found in the storage unit at the bottom of the tower (just in case someone stops by, you tell yourself) and a small table you weren’t using inside. The nights are hot but still relaxing, and you find yourself sitting outside often, catching up on reading or taking in the stars. 
“I can’t believe you radioed me first,” Soonyoung responds, and you hear the smugness in his voice. “I’m so happy!”
Soonyoung somehow almost always manages to be with you in the nights, too, even if not physically. Being away from the urban civilization you’re used to has been a little difficult to adjust to, but you feel significantly less alone whenever you hear him calling you. You tell him to be quiet even though both of you are laughing. The distant crickets make your chest warm.
“What do you do? You didn’t tell me before,” You ask him after a second. There’s a small wave of anxiety that rushes over you at the idea that he might call you out about when he asked you the same thing. That was two weeks ago, though, you think, and Soonyoung wouldn’t. You’re sure he’s been able to tell that it’s a touchy subject. You’re not as discreet as you think you are, even if (and you’ve learned this the past few weeks) Soonyoung’s a bit more on the oblivious side sometimes.
“I dance!” 
Somehow, despite having not even seen what he looks like, it’s fitting. “Like… teach, or choreograph, or…”
“A little of everything,” Soonyoung tells you, and then starts elaborating. His voice echoes through your radio and you look up at the stars as you listen to him, trying to map out constellations from memory. He sounds so excited to simply talk about it, you can’t imagine what he must look like when he’s actually on stage. You hope you get to see it one day.
“You’ll have to teach me something sometime,” you say once he’s finished, voicing your thoughts. With a giggle that sounds like the stars above you, he tells you he’d love to.
A moment of quiet passes, spent focusing on the tiny specks of fireflies you see in the field around your tower and feeling the summer breeze as it passes. The words slip out of your mouth with much less resistance than you thought they would.
“I used to write,” you murmur into your radio. It takes you a moment to register the heavy beat of your heart, like you just got back from a run.
“Used to?” Soonyoung asks, curious but soft.
“For now,” you answer. The ache you’ve become familiar with throbs in your chest. “Hopefully not forever.”
It’s not the whole story - not even close - but you figure you might be able to tell him with time. The thought stresses you out even when you have nothing to stress about, and you think Soonyoung is psychic because he says, next, “the stars are really pretty tonight.”
You’re not looking at the sky when you answer. Your head is tilted in the direction of his tower. 
“They really are,” you say.
DAY THIRTY-THREE.
You’ve fallen into a bit of a routine with Soonyoung. 
Not a day goes by where you don’t talk to him - the one day you radioed and he didn’t pick up you genuinely thought something happened to him, seconds away from calling a park ranger. Right before you actually did it, though, he picked up his radio and said he had been taking a nap.
(His voice was a little groggy from sleep, sounded like he was pouting whether he meant to or not and you’d be lying if you said the thought didn’t make your heart skip a few beats - but if anyone asked, you’d definitely lie about it.)
One of you calls the other around the same time every morning and you don’t put down your radio until the sun is well behind the mountains. You’ve grown used to his presence, in a way, even if you can’t really feel him with you (though sometimes you swear you can). It’s comforting to have him out there with you, and it’s been so long since you’ve talked to someone the way you do with Soonyoung… you find yourself looking forward to every morning, waiting for when you hear him over your radio.
Today is no different.
Well, in an unrelated way, it is - you have to hike to a supply box to get your surplus of food for the next month and a half you have left. But even as you’re doing inventory of what you have left in your cabin on a piece of paper, you’re waiting for Soonyoung’s usual good morning. It comes as always, makes you smile when you hear it.
“Good morning!” 
You leave your scratch paper on your desk and reach for your radio. “Morning,” you say after you’ve pressed the button down. 
“So…” Soonyoung trails off. “Supply drop day.”
“Yeah,” you reply, sitting on your bed.
“Both of us are getting crates of food today…”
What is he getting at? “Uh-huh…?”
“Both of us… getting supplies… from the same place.”
A confused laugh leaves your lips. “Soonyoung, what is your point?”
Even for as often as you talk to him, you’re still always surprised when he starts yelling. “Let’s meet up!” he exclaims, obviously excited, and it clicks in your head.
“Oh my God, can we do that?” 
“Yeah!” Soonyoung sounds like he’s grinning, smile palpable in his voice. “If we pull some strings with the other lookouts and get hiking at the right time, it’s totally possible.”
Holy shit. Your heart is beating wildly, butterflies swarming around it at the thought of meeting Soonyoung in person. “Okay,” you tell him, noting that you sound a little breathless. “Okay, yeah, let’s do it.”
It takes a few minutes to work everything out - the supply boxes should be dropped off by midday, so you can leave your tower around then and get to the drop location in a little over an hour. Soonyoung has to leave earlier than you since he’s farther away, but if everything goes well the two of you should get to the drop location close to the same time, margin of error small. You radio Jihoon to cover for you while you’re out, and he agrees, although he sounds a bit miffed.
When you finally leave for your hike, you’re not expecting how quiet it is. Soonyoung’s usually there to cover it up with his voice - you don’t hike often (you’ve not had to, given your job for the summer is to watch for fires) but whenever you have he’s been there to keep you company. You plug in your earphones about halfway through your trip just to drown out the quiet, something more to listen to than just trees and the sound of your own footsteps.
Eventually you make it to the supply box, and, well. There’s a guy. Standing in front of a long, green box - you think you see lookout tower names engraved ever few inches: Thorofare, Cottonwood, Twin Peaks. Packing some ready-to-eat meals into his backpack.
Holy shit, Soonyoung? your brain automatically asks, and it sends your heart spiraling up and down. You’re not sure what you thought he looked like, but it wasn’t this. Tall, lean - wait, you don’t even know if this is actually him yet.
Before you can think too much about it, you call out, voice tentative. “Are you… Soonyoung?”
The man turns around, shakes his head with a kind smile. “No,” he says. “I’m Joshua.”
You think about throwing yourself into the river by your tower when you get back for absolutely no reason. Somehow you manage a polite smile and a gentle sorry.
“No, don’t apologize, you’re fine!” Joshua chirps, adjusting the cap on his head. “You’re looking for him?”
You pause. Those aren’t the exact words you would use, but they’re not technically wrong, so you nod. After all, you don’t know what he looks like (you probably should have asked him before both of you left, but you weren’t expecting another person to be here).
“Please don’t tell me he got lost again,” Joshua says, suddenly looking tired, and you look back at him wide-eyed because... again? Has this happened before?
“No,” you tell him. “No, I mean, I don’t think so. I don’t know. Since we both have to pick up supplies he thought it’d be cool if we met up in person.”
Joshua sighs, seemingly relieved, then continues packing what’s left of his supplies into his backpack as he hums. “That’s weird.”
“What is?”
He shrugs. “Soonyoung likes the outdoors, yeah, but the supply box is a pretty far hike from his tower. I think the last few summers he’s had them delivered.”
Oh, you think, and maybe say out loud, because then Joshua’s looking back at you, a mischievous smile on his face. 
“He must really like you to come all the way out here,” he tells you, and you laugh like it might get rid of all the thoughts popping up in your mind that you keep telling yourself to stop thinking about.
“And yet,” you say wistfully, looking towards the horizon. “I still come second to Jihoon.”
This time Joshua laughs, a friendly sound, and the two of you fall into a playful conversation. He’s somewhat a superior of yours, though not by a far gap - as the lookout who’s been on the job the longest, he oversees the rest of you (which is you, Soonyoung, Jihoon, and a few others you have yet to come across). You get along with him easily and it’s weird to think that if you hadn’t gone through what you did a few months ago you wouldn’t be here talking to him, establishing what could be a new friendship. You wonder if that’s a new step towards healing, finding a way to be grateful even if it was horrible.
You talk to Joshua for a while until he says he should get back to his tower. You nod, tell him goodbye (and thanks for his company) and he starts to walk away -
“Shua!”
A burst of platinum blonde hair rushes past you from the opposite direction you came from, heading for Joshua. The new guy drops a bag at his feet and almost softly crashes into Joshua, who has this look on his face you can’t really decipher.
“Hey, Soonyoung,” he says, and you blink.
Soonyoung, like… your Soonyoung? The Soonyoung you’ve been talking to for weeks?
You watch as the two hug, Soonyoung excited to see Joshua and completely ignoring you (though you’re not sure he’s doing it intentionally). All you can do is stand there. This is him, your brain keeps telling you. This is the guy.
“I haven’t seen you in forever!” Soonyoung exclaims, bouncing on the balls of his feet excitedly. “How are you? How have things been?”
Joshua shrugs, a small smile on his face as he puts a gentle hand on Soonyoung’s head and starts… petting. “I’ve been good, same old deal. I know that you’ve been doing good too, though, as far as I’ve seen from your reports.”
Soonyoung beams at the praise and you take note of it in the back of your mind (you also note the way Joshua’s treating him like a toddler and how it’s working). He opens his mouth to say something else but looks around and meets your eyes - for a second there’s nothing at all, but then you think you see an exclamation mark actually pop above his head.
The yell of your name is so loud it makes you jump. “Oh my God,” Soonyoung whines, falling to his knees dramatically. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you!”
“This is the first time you’ve seen me,” you say. You can’t seem to hold back your smile.
Joshua excuses himself (again) and finally moves on his way, says he’s in Thorofare lookout if anything happens. The sun is mellow on your skin as you look at Soonyoung, take him in - light hair, warm eyes, tan skin. His smile matches your own. A breeze shifts by, slow and sweet.
“Hi,” you say.
Soonyoung grins.
“Hey.”
-
So the bag you saw Soonyoung drop on the ground before was, in fact, for a picnic.
He didn’t bring a lot of food (the whole point of the hike was to get supply boxes anyways) aside from a few candy bars he’d saved for today. He did bring a blanket, however, and the two of you set everything up on the edge of a rock not too far away from the drop location, under some trees. It looks over a small ravine, a stream cutting through at the bottom. 
The time goes by like it was never there in the first place, spent talking and laughing. Soonyoung is just as animated in person as you thought he’d be, telling stories wildly as the two of you snack away a portion of your supplies. You know the two of you don’t have much time together, given how late it already was when Soonyoung arrived and both of your hikes back to your respective towers, but it’s still… refreshing, almost, to be with him like this, to finally get a piece of him you didn’t before. To hear him without the crackle of the radio and to see him.
To see him.
Something stirs in your chest when you look at him lying back on the blanket, arms supporting his head with his eyes closed. The sun lights up his skin in a golden glow, like honey, and the dark roots growing into his blonde hair are somehow endearing. The breath leaves your lungs when you finally label him as pretty. You hope you can blame the heat in your cheeks on the sun.
“I wish we could stay like this forever,” Soonyoung sighs, still not opening his eyes. You almost reach out to brush the hair away from his face, but a breeze comes by and does it for you. You hope it’s not a sign.
“It would be nice, huh,” you murmur in response. You finally break your gaze from Soonyoung and lean back on your hands, soaking up the feeling of the blue sky.
It’s now that you remember what Joshua had said earlier about Soonyoung usually getting his supplies delivered, and you turn back to him. “Hey, before you got to the supply box, Joshua and I were talking.” Soonyoung hums in acknowledgement. “Is the hike from your tower to here really that bad?”
His voice strains as he stretches, opening his eyes to look at you. “I mean, yeah, it’s a bitch of a hike to take sometimes. But it’s not really hard except for a few spots, just long.”
You furrow your brows. When you agreed to meet him, you didn’t think it’d be this much trouble for him. “And you came all this way so we could… what, sit here and eat? Like we do most of the time anyways? Just separately?”
Soonyoung pouts at you and you feel personally attacked. “Food tastes good when you’re with other people.”
You give him a soft, semi-playful glare, and Soonyoung offers a small giggle. You turn back towards the view in front of you.
“Did you not want me to come down?” He asks, and he doesn’t sound… sad, really, more observant. Like he wants to know where you’re at.
“No,” you answer almost immediately (Jesus, your brain says). “I just… it’s a long trip. It doesn’t really seem like it’s worth the effort.”
Like I’m worth the effort, you think to yourself. 
You hear Soonyoung shuffle behind you and turn around to look at him again, finding him sitting up straight. “It is to me,” he tells you, and there’s something in his eyes that holds you in your spot. The tips of his fingers brush against yours on the blanket. You’d look down if you didn’t think you’d miss something. “I wanted to.”
In a second, it clicks.
-
It’s not much longer until Soonyoung needs to start heading back. The two of you get your things together, and you help him pack up the picnic supplies he brought. When everything’s said and done and the two of you are back by the supply box, there’s a second of uncharacteristic quiet that falls over you.
“Let me know when you get back,” you say after a moment. Soonyoung grins.
“You’re worried about me!” he swoons, and you hit him on the shoulder playfully, but don’t deny it. It can be dangerous out there, and even if Soonyoung has been out here longer than you, anything can happen. 
“Just radio me, okay?”
Soonyoung smiles, something a little softer from before. He nods. “I will. You be safe too.”
You nod in return, taking a few steps back towards the trail that leads back to your tower. “Talk to you later, Hoshi.”
The last you see of him before you turn around is the grin on his face.
DAY THIRTY-FOUR.
It feels like forever since you’ve been here.
A window is open and welcomes a distant ambiance of the forest around you, trees and birds and animals. The journal you brought with you is open to the first page, but remains untouched - nothing on the pages. At least, not yet.
(The not yet you always tell yourself seems closer, this time, not so far away. Within reach, or at least within reason.)
Soonyoung had called in that the hike from yesterday had worn him out and he needed a nap. You had laughed fondly at how tired he sounded, told him to sleep well and that you’d be waiting for him. And you feel the words, right at your fingertips, the way the rest and wait to be written. Their presence is both terrifying and reassuring. 
You don’t think they’ll be able to bleed out correctly, not the way they used to since it’s been so long. But they’re there, in your mind, in your heart. 
You pick up the pen you got out, feel the weight of it as you click it a few times. You tap it on the desk once, twice, and then.
You take a deep breath and start to write.
DAY SIXTY-FOUR.
“Are you lookin’ at the fire?”
Your eyes leave the page of your book at Soonyoung’s voice crackling from the radio, looking around your cabin windows to see that, oh, there is a fire. You’d kind of forgotten that it’s… literally your job. At least there are multiple lookouts.
You fold the corner of the page you’re on as a makeshift bookmark before closing the book and setting it down on your bed as you stand to get your radio. You grab a can of soda from the mini-fridge you’ve started to utilize (as best you can, given it does a mediocre job at keeping things cool) before walking out onto the deck, sitting in one of the chairs you set up. “Now I am,” you tell Soonyoung as you adjust the chair so it faces the direction of the fire. You think you’re the closest lookout to it - which makes the fact that you didn’t notice it even worse - but not in any danger. The smoke paints the evening sky red-orange, washing over the purples and blues the sun used earlier as it set. “You’ve called it in?”
“Yeah, told Josh, who told the higher-ups,” Soonyoung responds, voice strangely… solemn? He sighs his next words. “They’ll probably send a crew in for suppression by morning.”
“Is there a reason you sound sad about putting a potentially dangerous forest fire out?” You tease, cracking open your soda and taking a sip. The carbonation feels good in your mouth, pops on your tongue.
“I’m not!” Soonyoung denies after some sputtering, and you laugh. “Just… ugh, looking at it - I’ve worked here every summer for the past, like, five years, and I’ve only ever seen two fires. Three, counting this one.” His voice gains a certain softness, like he’s lost in thought. “I don’t want the place to burn down or anything, but… don’t you think it’s kind of beautiful?”
It’s a little morally ambiguous, but as you look at the distant, licking flames you have to agree. In the dark, it’s vibrant, more than just ashy smoke and the smell of burning - it glows red, flushes out silhouettes of the trees in between it and you.
“I guess it is,” you hum into your radio as you stare at it.
“So. What should we name it?”
“The fire?”
“Yes,” Soonyoung says, dramatic as always. “She needs a name! I’ve always given them names, but I’ll let you do the honor this time.”
There’s something sweet in the way he offers you the chance to name it, and you try not to dwell on it too much. “Ah,” you start, thinking for a moment. “Barbara. The Barbara Fire.”
Soonyoung howls out a laugh and it’s infectious; you feel the tugging of your lips into a grin. “That is the worst thing that has ever come out of your mouth,” he says, and you roll your eyes. “We are not naming it the Barbara Fire.”
You huff out a fake whine. “Come on, it’s just Barb! She’s beautiful.”
“But deadly,” Soonyoung adds in a voice that sounds like it came straight out of a crime documentary. It makes you giggle, the two of you throwing around silly, stupid names.
“Okay, okay,” you say after a few minutes. “Then… hmm, the Hoshi Fire.”
There’s a long, long pause, and you hold down the button to your radio again. “Uh oh, is he broken?”
Soonyoung’s voice comes through, joking, but you sense a pinch of sincerity. “You want to name a raging forest fire after me… I feel like I shouldn’t be happy but I kind of am.”
You remember to push the button as you laugh, looking directly at the fire and shouting, “I hereby dub thee… the Hoshi Fire!” as loud as you can.
After the laughter dies down, for a second, there’s quiet - not awkward or for the sake of a bit, just quiet. Soonyoung’s not telling a story, you’re not giving witty comebacks. It’s just the two of you and the fire, alone in the forest.
It breaks eventually. Soft, gentle. “I’m glad you’re out here, you know,” Soonyoung says.
His words make you stiffen and relax all at once, and almost on instinct you look in the direction of his tower. You can’t really see the silhouette - the sun too far gone, taking the last of its light with it - but you know it’s there, can pinpoint exactly where it should be. You hope Soonyoung’s looking over at you, too.
And even if the reason you’re here in the first place is still a tender bruise to be pressed, you find yourself recovering a little more every day. “I am, too,” you respond. “I… I wish you were over here.”
It’s a roundabout way to say I miss you, but a part of you thinks neither of you are ready for something that explicit. You reach a hand out in the direction of Soonyoung’s tower, grasping at it like it might bring him to you. It’s not as if you can’t meet up with him again, but… between the distance and the fact that there’s an actual fire to keep your eye on, it certainly wouldn’t be easy. This is the closest you can get for now.
“I wish I was too,” Soonyoung says. You close your eyes to picture him, pretty smile and fond eyes. “We could hang out, like last time.”
“Without the radios,” you add. 
“We could, um… you know.”
His words make you giggle, and you feel a little lucky that you’re not holding down the button. Your heart is pounding in your chest, nervous but stable, secure, as you reply. A welcomed beat, even if startling.
“No, I don’t,” you tell him. Your soda sits forgotten, half-empty, on the floor of the deck by your feet. You don’t bother paying attention to the fire. “What could we do?”
Soonyoung groans and this time you laugh pushing the button so he can hear you, warm and affectionate. “Don’t tease me! You know what I’m talking about.”
You do. “What could we do, Soonyoung?”
There’s a pause, but you know he’s still there.
“Well,” he says eventually. “Let me tell you.”
DAY SEVENTY-SIX.
The fire’s gotten big.
You feel like you shouldn’t be surprised by it - it’s a wildfire, they’re not exactly easy to contain, but seeing it up close like this is vastly different from being in a city and barely even noticing the smoke. It is larger than life out here, consuming more and more of the forest each day. The last few days you’ve spent inside due to the low visibility (though it’s not as if you take a hike every day anyways). It makes you wonder if it’s safe to stay out here.
“...Hey,”  Soonyoung radios in. “I have a question for you.”
Rationally, you know whatever it is, it can’t be that serious. But your heart picks up pace anyways, beats a little harder as you pick up your radio to respond. “Look, it was Jihoon’s idea to use the fireworks, I promise neither of us knew it would start the fire.”
Soonyoung sputters out a laugh and you match him, feeling yourself calm down. “I’ll… I’ll ask Jihoon about that later, but - I really do have something to ask you.”
You lay down in your bed, unmade and messy. “Is it… bad?”
“I don’t think so,” Soonyoung responds. “Maybe?”
“Okay…” you say, timid. “Shoot.”
“When you first got here, I asked why you took the job,” he says, and you nod to yourself, remembering the first call you got from him. “You just… never really responded. I get it if it’s, like, a touchy subject, I don’t want to pressure you at all…”
“No,” you interrupt before you realize what you’re saying. You take a deep breath, Soonyoung waits. “No, it’s probably… it might be good to talk about it. I’ll tell you.”
He murmurs an okay, tells you to take your time and you do. It’s not like you’re scared to tell him - you’ve come to trust him, you know he won’t judge you for anything that happened or think any differently of you. You’re not even sure that’s why it’s hard for you to talk about - rather than any sort of outside force that might affect you, it’s more… more of a part of you that you felt you lost. It’s more coming to terms - even after these months - and going through the motions. It’s scary to talk about disconnection, especially from the one thing you loved (love?) more than anything.
“I… write,” is how you start, looking at the ceiling of your cabin as you speak. “Or wrote, maybe? I’m an author. I have a few books published. Writing is something I’ve loved since I was so young, it’s… a part of me, really. It’s special to me.
“When I finally got a manager and a publishing company and all that official stuff, I was so excited. It was like I was finally living my dream. I wrote my first book and got it published and it did really well, so my management asked me to do another, and I did. Then they asked for one after that, and I didn’t… it felt too soon, in a way. Rushed. But I guess I did it because I had to, because I figured this just came with being a writer and not everything is what you want it to be - and I didn’t want to risk losing what I had wanted almost my entire life.”
You take a moment to steady yourself, note the tremble of your fingers and take a few deep breaths. Soonyoung waits for you, patient and kind. “It went like that for a while, and I lost touch with writing. I stopped loving the only thing I knew how to love. I was so detached from it. A few months before I took this job my manager set up a press conference for me, and I… kind of… had a breakdown. At the conference. So I’m out here to run away for a second. Be away from it all.”
The quiet that follows doesn’t make you nervous, really, but you’re still waiting for a reply of any sort. Even if it’s the common oh or it’ll be okay that you got from distant friends and relatives who didn’t know what was really going on. But Soonyoung was patient with you, so you can be patient with him.
“Have you written since?” He asks after a minute, and your eyes flash over to the journal on your desk. One page has the familiar strokes and loops of your handwriting, written after you met Soonyoung in person.
“Only once,” you respond, truthful.
“When you start to write again… will you show me?”
And for some reason the question is so tender, filled to the brim with something you want to name. It makes tears spring to your eyes as you look out over the rising fire, trying not to let your voice shake too much as you reply.
(Maybe it’s because he said when and not if, maybe it’s because he didn’t tell you it’ll be okay, maybe it’s because it’s him and not someone else telling you the same thing.)
“Yeah,” you say, letting go of the button to sniff. “Yeah, I will. If you let me see one of your dances.”
You hear Soonyoung’s smile through the radio as he tells you it’s a deal.
DAY SEVENTY-EIGHT.
For the first time since you started working, someone who isn’t Soonyoung calls you through the radio (not counting the time you radioed Jihoon to make sure he was still alive, because you only saw him once and hadn’t heard from him since then). You hear the familiar click that tells you someone’s on the station, and you’re fully expecting Soonyoung’s voice to light up your cabin the way it always does. Instead, Joshua’s voice rings through.
“You there?” He asks after a comfortable call of your name, and you pick up your radio.
“Yeah, I’m here. It’s been a while,” you respond, and Joshua hums. “How’ve you been?”
“I’ve… been,” he tells you, which earns a small laugh. “Anyways, I called in to let you know that they’re having trouble controlling the fire -”
You take a look at the giant flume of smoke north of your tower, nodding to yourself. “I can see that.”
Joshua tells you to be quiet. You hear the friendly smile in his voice.
“There’ll be an evacuation team here within the next two days,” he says. “Maybe less, shouldn’t be more. They’re gonna get all the lookouts evacuated.”
Oh. Evacuation? That means… the city. Your apartment, back to your family and friends. You’d forgotten an entire world exists outside of the bubble you created for yourself.
“Okay,” you say slowly, still looking at the fire. “I assume you’ve told the other lookouts?”
“I’ve got a few more to call, but other than that, yeah, everyone’s covered. I told Soonyoung and Jihoon first,” Joshua tells you, and you blink at the fact that you didn’t even have to ask. “I’ll see you on the other side.”
“Yeah. Stay safe, Josh.”
You sit for a while after that, trying to cope with the feeling in your chest. You… you feel better about everything, about writing, for sure, but. But. It’s cut short, even if only by a little over a week. You haven’t even started packing anything up - so much of you is strewn around the cabin, in the field around your tower, in the trees of the forest you hiked through. You don’t think you’re ready to say goodbye to the place you’ve made your home and the people (person, your heart whispers) with it. 
The sun starts to set and the fire grows. You sit on your bed and look at the things you’ve made your own, a sunken, unfinished emotion spreading through you. Eventually it is Soonyoung’s voice that comes from your radio, low and humorous.
“The Hoshi Fire can’t be stopped…” he murmurs, and you laugh despite the loss you feel. 
“Please,” you groan into your radio after you’ve grabbed it. “We’re getting evacuated!”
Soonyoung giggles, something mischievous that makes your heart warm with slow appreciation. “I can’t believe it’s ending so soon,” you say, standing up to walk around aimlessly.
“Yeah, the summer went by super fast, huh?” Soonyoung replies. “I’m kind of excited, though. I’ve missed a proper dance studio.”
That’s… oh. 
A current of mild surprise rolls through you and you think you physically feel your jaw drop, just a little. That - that hurt. More than you want it to, more than you think it should - but it’s... fine. You’ve only known Soonyoung for a few months, it’s not like…
You realize you haven’t responded and open your mouth on purpose this time. “I wish we could share the sentiment, Hoshi,” you joke, hoping it doesn’t sound too stiff. 
If Soonyoung notices anything, he doesn’t say it. Only laughs, sweet and genuine. “I’m sure you’ll find something to yearn for just as I yearn for dance,” he says dramatically. You laugh, forced, because yeah, you will. Maybe you already have.
DAY EIGHTY.
Evacuation day.
Last day in your tower. Last day in the forest. Last day of the job you took to escape, to heal. It’s spent packing up the things you brought with you, throwing away everything else. Joshua said helicopters would be touching down at two points - Twin Peaks lookout and Mule Point lookout. Twin Peaks is Soonyoung’s tower, and if you planned it out right, you could probably get there and leave with him.
You tell yourself that the reason you can’t is because Mule Point is closer. Safer. They’re evacuating you for a reason.
“Hey.”
Speak of the devil, you think, grabbing your radio from its charging port. “Hi.”
“So,” Soonyoung says. For the first time since you’ve known him, he seems awkward. “Evacuation day.”
“Yessir…”
“What evacuation point are you hiking to?”
You pause, hesitate like you’re about to say something you shouldn’t. “Mule Point,” you manage to get out. “It’s closer,” you say after, your brain telling you to justify it, explain.
“What did the Hoshi Fire ever do to you?” Soonyoung huffs out through a laugh, and it sounds so unaffected that you feel that ache from before again. After a second, he adds, “so… this’ll be the last we talk. At least for a while.”
That realization hits you like a brick and the sting behind your eyes seems normal - regardless of whatever was built between you and Soonyoung or what lead you out here in the first place, it’s so sad that it’s ending. “Yeah,” you say quietly. Everything is packed, you just need to get hiking. “I, um. Is it cheesy to say thank you?”
“Maybe,” Soonyoung chuckles. “But it’ll also make me feel really good, so…”
You feel yourself calm down and let out your own small giggle. Maybe it was always meant to end this way, a little too soon, a little too sad. “Really… thanks, Soonyoung. I think it would’ve been worse for me if I got the silence I came out here for. I’m glad I had you to talk to.”
“Thank you, too,” Soonyoung says back. “I hope… you write again. I’ll talk to you later.”
The mention of it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to, and you feel the smallest of smiles on your lips. “Yeah. Later.”
The radio clicks off and that’s the last you hear from Soonyoung.
EPILOGUE.
It’s hard to come back.
From nature, from Soonyoung - everything, really. To go from trees and fires and talking every night back to car horns, busy sidewalks and your own apartment. It’s weird to wake up and not see the immediate shine of the sun through your windows. But you come back, slowly get used to the life you had before.
And you start writing.
Given - you get back in August only start writing again in October, but you write. Little by little, page after page. Maybe not every day, like you used to, but the words are back and they are eager to get out, leave their mark as your work. You stand up to your management (with Minghao’s support) and take control of your own writing schedule. The pressure from before leaves. Writing becomes special more than ever, returns as the one thing you never get truly tired of.
Minghao asks about the job, your summer. You tell him it was easy and peaceful, and that you’re thankful for the time. You mention the other lookouts. You mention Soonyoung. Only in passing, though. 
(Minghao definitely suspects something, but even if he asked, you wouldn’t tell him much.)
Sometimes you allow yourself to think of him - when you got back, you looked for a Soonyoung in the multiple dance studios in the city, but since you didn’t have a last name or any proper title, nothing came up. After that, you gave up, but he still shows up in your thoughts from time to time, bright blonde hair (the roots growing in) and glowing smile. It’s cold out, now, so you hope he isn’t getting sick and that he’s staying warm.
You’re reminded of just how cold it is when you have to brace the outside world to get your mail. There’s not even any wind, just an undeniable cold, and it makes your nose burn and eyes water as you walk the short trek to your mailbox. You find your slot and push your key in, unlocking it and gathering your mail. Most of it is junk, but you could have sworn something you ordered was supposed to come today -
“Excuse me?”
You turn your head to the voice and find a man walking towards you, his head turned down towards a small piece of paper. His voice sounds familiar, but you figure it must just be a neighbor you haven’t spoken to in a while. You turn your body to him, waiting for him to look up from the note so you can place a name on him. “Do you know where I can find an author…”
He looks up.
It’s Soonyoung.
He looks a little different - his hair is shorter, dyed black instead of the platinum you remember from last July. But it’s definitely him. The longer you stare at each other the wider his smile gets, and you stand, speechless. He’s looking at you like you’re the only thing in the world. Your heart starts to race, warms you up beneath your jacket.
“Found you,” Soonyoung grins. You can’t take your eyes off of him.
“Yeah,” you breathe. “You did.”
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rocorambles · 3 years
Note
imagine tendou starts to date you and everything’s great but you decide to break up with him bc he never opens up to u. You hear sounds outside your house and find tendou’s been keeping an eye on you. You tell him he can’t do that bc you aren’t dating anymore but he can’t stand to be away from his pretty girl. You tell him the only way you’ll date him is if he opens up to you and he agrees. pt.1~ kebab anon ;)
as you begin dating tendou once again, you realize why he had been so quiet from before and he’s petrified you’ll leave him. But maybe he was worried for nothing ;) As scared as you were when you first found out, you can’t help but overlook his psychotic tendencies due to the love you feel for him. Tendō may have just found the one for him ;) PT.2 ~ kebab anon ~ this has been stuck in my head for so long and I just wanted to send it in for whatever you want to do with it 😌 pls enjoy my fantasy (2/2)
Warnings: Yandere, Breaking and Entering
Tendou is...eccentric, to say the least. But maybe that’s why you like him so much, finding him genuinely interesting and authentic in a superficial city like Paris where everyone only cares about keeping up their appearances. He’s a perfect gentleman and boyfriend when it comes to you and you blush when he comes over bringing chocolate he’s made just for you, flavors and decorations inspired by the moments you two share together. And you giggle as he randomly breaks out into little dances and songs he makes up on the spot. 
But as time goes on, you can’t help but feel that there’s a wall up between the two of you that he won’t tear down. And you can’t ignore the hurt you feel every time he shuts down when you ask about his past, about Japan, about a random photo you had seen of him in a sports jersey with a head full of red hair. 
You try to be patient, try to be understanding. The two of you haven’t dated for that long. Maybe he just needs some more time. But time goes on and on and months later, you tearfully end things, telling him you can’t be in a committed relationship with someone who keeps on holding you at arms length away from them. 
It hurts being alone, not having the cheerful and vibrant energy in your small kitchen. Store bought chocolate tastes like chalk and your heart aches as you pass by dessert shops as you walk the streets of Paris. You purposefully make a roundabout detour to avoid passing by the specific chocolate specialty shop he works in. You catch yourself humming silly little nonsensical tunes and waving your index fingers side to side when you’re by yourself. 
It hurts, but you tell yourself time is on your side, that you’ll learn to live without him. And it works. Memory of his face fading more and more as days pass, weeks pass. 
You’re in the middle of a fitful sleep, tossing and turning, waking up with a gasp, but you freeze at the familiar face peering down at you from the side of your bed. 
“Sa-Satori?”
You wonder if it’s a dream. (It wouldn’t be the first time you’d seen his face in your mind late at night.) But his presence is too real, the warmth of his body too tangible for you to truly believe that as he seats himself on the edge of your mattress. 
You’re stunned by how nonchalant he is as he just jumps into a normal conversation, telling you about his day, acting as if he hadn’t broken into your apartment, acting as if this isn’t the first time you’re seeing him in months. You’re even more stunned by how calm you are, how accepting you are of the situation, how easy it is to just pretend that nothing’s changed between the two of you.
But once the initial shock wears off, you silence him by tentatively holding one of his hand in yours. 
“Satori, what are you doing here? You can’t just break into my apartment. We’re not dating anymore.” 
“But you still love me, right?”
You gape at his beaming face, but you don’t move to retract your hand and that’s all the encouragement he needs to firmly hold both your hands in his. 
“I- Yes? But, Satori! That’s besides the point!”
You’re silenced by his next words. 
“I promise to tell you everything and anything you want about me. That’s the only reason you ended things, right? Right? Right? Right? I still love you. Please! Give me one more chance.”
How can you say no when wide eyes are longingly and imploringly staring at you? 
How can you say no when he still make your heart flutter and your chest warm just by being beside you? 
So you let him pull you in his lap, let wiry arms cradle you as he tells you about his past, trying not to tense up or let him feel how your pulse is racing, trying to stay still and hide your unease and nausea as he tells you exactly why he had been nicknamed a “monster” throughout his entire life. 
But Tendou has always been attentive, especially when it comes to you and you panic when you feel his arms hesitantly droop, body pulling away from yours, eyes full of pain, but acceptance that you’ll leave him, shun him, turn your back on him like everyone else in his life. 
And you don’t want that, can’t have that. Not when he’s laid his heart bare to you, knowing that it was more than likely that you’d leave him after knowing everything. Not when you’d been the one to selfishly force him to reveal his vulnerability to you, despite how much it must have hurt to relive those moments and reveal every bone of the numerous skeletons hidden in his closet. 
So despite the emergency signals flaring inside of you, despite the loud ringing of the warning bells in your head, you desperately hold him tight, telling him, promising him that you’re not going anywhere. 
After all, he loves you. He’d never do anything to you. 
Right?
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havenoffandoms · 3 years
Text
Just Fine (Aiden/Lambert)
Based on Kashimalin’s 50 Types of Kisses Prompt List
Read on Ao3
Prompt:  “Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.”
Summary: 
Today is the day. Lambert knows he should feel more excited at the thought of his boyfriend returning home, to the safety of Lambert’s embrace, but he can’t help the anxiety building inside him and twisting his stomach in a way he doesn’t care for in the least.
Lambert knows that he should be excited, but the sentiment is tarnished by his crippling anxiety, and he feels like the worst boyfriend in the world.
Warnings: mention of amputation, modern AU
“So, today’s the day, huh?” Eskel smirks as he watches Lambert positively vibrating with excitement where he’s sat on a chair opposite Eskel. The coffee shop is mostly empty, save for another couple in the corner exchanging kisses and giggling carelessly as they rejoice in their puppy love. Lambert chose this place because it’s closest to the airport, but admittedly the place isn’t half-bad and the coffee doesn’t taste like piss.
“Stop that, it’s creepy,” Lambert grouses as he stuffs another forkful of chocolate cake into his mouth. When he notices Eskel’s confused frown, Lambert rolls his eyes and adds pointedly, “you, being all excited on my behalf. That’s unnatural. Stop it.”
“Whatever.” Eskel takes a sip of his tea - because Eskel is the kind of person who likes to drink tea for fun - before levelling Lambert with a look that the latter knows all too well. “You’re allowed to be excited about his return, you know? It’s been a year since he-”
“I know,” Lambert quickly interrupts before Eskel has a chance to finish his sentence, “I am excited.”
“Tell your face, then.”
“Shut up, prick.”
“It’s gonna be fine, Lambert.” Eskel reaches across the table to squeeze Lambert’s clammy hand. “I know you’re worried because of his injury, but you’ll both figure it out together. You don’t love him any less for it, right?”
“Of course not,” Lambert snaps in response as he snatches his hand away, angry at the mere suggestion that his feelings for Aiden would disappear for something as superficial as a physical injury, “of course I don’t love him any less for it. It’s just…”
Eskel doesn’t press him, and Lambert is grateful for that. Truth be told, he’s not entirely sure why he feels so anxious at the thought of seeing Aiden again. It’s been a long year without his boyfriend there to warm his bed and his life. Aiden is the life of Lambert’s entire life, and a year without him felt like the longest time. A whole year went by since Aiden was deployed and has been fighting overseas, taking part in a war that has lost all meaning. He missed birthdays, holidays spent with family around a hearty meal, milestone anniversaries... A year of Lambert staying up late at night, calling Aiden whenever his connection permitted it or writing letters to send his boyfriend when speaking to him proved too difficult. A year of Lambert switching the TV or radio on every morning before heading to work, listening for the announcements and hoping he wouldn’t hear Aiden’s name listed among the soldiers that perished as part of this senseless war.
Just over a week ago, Aiden called Lambert from a military hospital overseas a short two days after he was involved in an explosion that cost the lives of hundreds of civilians and soldiers alike. While Aiden survived the blast, he sustained a considerable injury to his leg. The doctors couldn’t save it, Aiden told Lambert over the phone, the leg had to come off. Lambert remembered crying on the phone that night, not because he mourned the loss of Aiden’s leg - they were tears of relief because Aiden came this close to dying in the blast that killed so many people. Lambert came this close to losing the most important person in his life. Come home, baby, Lambert remembered begging Aiden over the phone, I need you to come home. Today is the day. Lambert knows he should feel more excited at the thought of his boyfriend returning home, to the safety of Lambert’s embrace, but he can’t help the anxiety building inside him and twisting his stomach in a way he doesn’t care for in the least. As a result of the injury he suffered, Aiden had to retire from the military early. While Lambert was happy to have his boyfriend return to him, he knew that Aiden struggled with the thought of retiring at the prime of his career. Not only is he out of a job, but his job prospects are not looking too bright, either. Aiden will have to spend time in physiotherapy, physical rehabilitation courses, counselling… Lambert knows the next months will be tough on his boyfriend.
Lambert knows that he should be excited, but the sentiment is tarnished by his crippling anxiety, and he feels like the worst boyfriend in the world.
“It’s gonna be just fine, Lamb.” Eskel sounds so sure, so confident, that Lambert is almost inclined to believe him. “I promise, brother. You and Aiden will be just fine.”
“I hope you’re right, Kel.”
The drive to the airport is longer than Lambert remembers it being. The car is filled with the sound of heavy rock and heavy metal, the loud emphatic beats and distorted guitar solos washing over Lambert in calming waves. His brothers call him weird for finding this kind of music ‘soothing’, but it works for him, so his brothers can kiss his ass. The sun is beating down on the world below, forcing Lambert to crank up the A/C in the car. He drives along miles of barbed wire, “KEEP OUT” signs and parked aircraft. Lambert checks the time on his dashboard and realises that he’s a whole half an hour early. It isn’t exactly unheard of for soldiers’ families to arrive early and prepare for their loved one’s arrival - either by setting up signs, powdering their noses or getting the children to practice a welcome home song to celebrate their parents’ triumphant return. Lambert usually just waits in the shadows until Aiden comes into view, at which point he pulls his boyfriend close to him so they can get reacquainted away from prying eyes.
Lambert pulls into the airport multistorey parking complex, and thankfully he doesn’t have to spend ages looking for a parking space. As he pulls up into a tight space, Lambert’s heart sinks in his chest. Aiden will probably be travelling in a wheelchair - and he will be using one for a while, at least until he gets his prosthetic leg fitted. There’s no way in hell that Aiden will be able to comfortably step into the car if Lambert stays parked in this spot, but what other choice does he have? He doesn’t have a disabled parking permit yet, but Lambert guesses that’s something they’ll have to think about now. Until then, all he can do is park further away from the door and hope that no one will use the bay next to the passenger side so Aiden has enough space to move comfortably. So that’s precisely what he does. Shit, is Lambert overthinking this? Is he looking for problems where there are none? The last thing he wants is to tiptoe around Aiden’s disability. The last thing he wants is to make Aiden feel like things have changed because he lost his leg.
Shit. Why is he crying now? He should be excited, goddammit.
Lambert angrily wipes the tears and steps out of the car. They’ll be just fine, that’s what Eskel said. Eskel sounded so confident, so sure of himself, but hell, what if he’s wrong? What if Aiden leaves Lambert? What if Aiden pushes Lambert away? It was probably a mistake to read up all those army wives’ blogs and the nightmarish stories about husbands shutting down and falling into depression after sustaining a serious injury. Shit, what if Lambert isn’t good enough? What if Aiden thinks that Lambert is a lousy boyfriend who can’t take well enough care of him?
Deep breaths, Lambert. In, out. In, out. In-
Shit, why are there so many people in this fucking airport? Lambert stands in his usual corner, shying away from the crowds, averting everyone’s eyes as he stares at his phone. He shoots his brothers a text in their group chat - Have I ever told u guys how much I h8 crowds? - hoping that they will understand and distract him from the panic welling up in his chest. As he waits for an answer from either Geralt or Eskel, Lambert switches to his Facebook app and scrolls through his feed. He doesn’t have to wait long until the group chat pings with Geralt’s response.
G: You’ve mentioned it once or twice… or 100
Lambert snorts as he shoots a sassy comeback.
So mentioning it 1 more time won’t hurt. I fucking h8 goddamn crowds.
A quick glance at the arrivals screen tells Lambert that Aiden’s plane landed a few short minutes ago. Not long before they are reunited and able to hug it out in the middle of the airport. At this point, Lambert doesn’t give a shit anymore about what other people think of them. He almost lost Aiden, so he will go on his knees and hug him, wheelchair be damned. Lambert looks around him and sees many families and loved ones itching to welcome the soldiers back. Some of them brought flowers, or the puppy they bought last week as a welcome-home present, and even newborn babies. Lambert wonders if he should have bought Aiden a gift to commemorate the beginning of his retirement. He feels like that would be in bad taste considering Aiden’s feelings on the matter.
The first soldiers start to filter through the door, eyes scanning the room and lighting up when they land on familiar faces. Many people cry tears of joy and relief, others manage to keep a modicum of composure, and some even let out shrill cries of joy as they are finally reunited with the people they love and cherish the most. There is still no sight of Aiden and part of Lambert worries that something happened to him in the week it took the military to organise his repatriation. Feeling the panic well up in him again, Lambert pulls out his phone and opens the group chat window. L: What if he doesn’t come back?
It doesn’t take long for his phone to vibrate with Eskel’s response.
E: As if he’d pass up an opportunity to come back to his pain in the ass boyfriend.
L: Ass.
G: He’ll come back, Lamb. He’ll come back and he’s not leaving again.
Lambert takes a deep breath as he lets these words run through his mind. Aiden is coming back. He’s coming back. He’s-
“Why, hello there,” a familiar voice breaks through the storm raging in Lambert’s head, “come here often?”
Aiden looks so… so like himself. He’s sporting that familiar cocksure grin and his eyes shimmer with all the emotions he can’t bring himself to voice. His voice sounds so self-assured, even though Lambert knows he’s only a breath away from losing it and crying tears of relief. His hair is slightly longer and Lambert can make out the familiar dark curls he loves so much. Aiden looks so much like his old self that Lambert forgets, for a short minute, that he’s missing the lower half of his left leg entirely.
“Aiden. You’re here.”
“No place I’d rather be.”
Lambert doesn’t feel himself fall to his knees until they hit the solid surface of the airport floor, cracking in protest at the impact. He lunges forward and wraps his arms around Aiden’s middle, squeezing tightly and burying his face in his boyfriend’s stomach. He’s unable to bite back the tears this time, and if Aiden notices that the soft material of his t-shirt is soaked right through, he doesn’t draw attention to it. Instead, he cards his fingers through Lambert’s short hair, softly shushing him and whispering heartfelt reassurances in the air pocket between them.
“I’m here, baby,” Aiden tells him over and over, “I’m back. I’m here, sweetheart. I love you.”
“I missed you,” Lambert hears himself say, “I missed you. I was so scared, Aiden, you don’t understand-”
“I’m here, Lamb. I’m here. You don’t have to be scared, anymore.”
They’ve got so much shit to figure out, Lambert knows. They need to think about all the adjustments they need to make to their lives, all the paperwork they’ll have to fill out, therapy sessions they have to book and medical insurance they need to update. All these things that terrified Lambert a few hours earlier, all these plans that made panic well in him and want to run for the hills… all these worries weighing him down disappear the second Lambert feels Aiden’s arms around him, squeezing him, comforting him.
“I’m not scared,” Lambert assures Aiden, pulling back and straightening up so he can place a soft kiss on Aiden’s lips. They still feel the same against his own, they still taste the same, too. Nothing has changed. Aiden is still Aiden. “Not anymore.”
“Anymore?” There’s a teasing edge in Aiden’s voice, a mocking grin tugging at his lips. “Ah, kitten. You don’t have to worry about a thing. I gotcha. Now shut up and kiss me again.”
Lambert happily obliges Aiden’s request. Their lips slot against each other like they didn’t just spend a year apart. Their kiss is tender and soft at first, but Lambert is quick to deepen it by licking Aiden’s bottom lip. Neither of them cares about the potential eyes on him - nobody is likely to pay attention to them, not when they’re all lost in the joy of being reunited with their own family members. Lambert breaks the kiss briefly to whisper a soft ‘I love you’ to Aiden. His cheeks turn red as he speaks those three words which still feel too intimate to be loudly proclaimed in public, even after all these years. Aiden steals another kiss before reciprocating the sentiment, his breath ghosting over Lambert’s lips and sending a peasant shiver coursing through his body.
They have lots of shit to figure out, but Aiden is here and he’s not going anywhere. Aiden is here, and neither of them has to deal with the situation on their own. They’ll be just fine. Everything will be just fine.
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