#when the hibiscus falls

[whilereadingandwalking]

When the Hibiscus Falls is a gorgeous set of short stories by M. Evelina Galang about the Filipino and Filipino American experience—from homecomings to escapes and new beginnings, from ancestors and elders to unruly grandchildren. The book deals a lot with rogue people and the way we encounter, recognize, and deal with our heritage.

In "Drowning," a misbehaved, rebellious older sister dies, and the youngest is left with the consequences. In "When the Hibiscus Falls," the protagonist's cousin Mayari has fled in the middle of the Covid pandemic, and Sol arrives in Miami in an attempt to bring her home. In "Fighting Filipina," a young girl grates under the rise of anti-Asian American hatred around her, and is desperate to protect her grandmother from its effects. There are so many kinds of stories in this collection, but Galang really hits on something powerful in how the young cannot escape their heritage, how the old are haunted by the traumas or scars of the past, and how the generations clash and come together and fall apart.

The scattering of Tagalog throughout and Galang's rich language bring the Philippines and the characters of all of her stories into vivid life and character. I enjoyed all of these tales, and I hope that people put this on hold at their local libraries before its June 13 release. This book is massively under-hyped given how excellent the stories here are!

Content warnings for sexual assault (implied & depicted), death, grief, trauma, hate crimes, xenophobia, racism, panic/anxiety.

#m. evelina galang #when the hibiscus falls #short story collection #filipino literature #upcoming books #my book reviews

[heartual]

i am soooo tired

#🍄.txt #sleepy . #i left class like an hour early bc we were taking our midterm #and then went to cvs to pick up a prescription and picked up my little hibiscus tea from the cafe across the street #very happy i did that 2day btw because i’ve been wanting to forever #but i did not realize how tired i was until i got home… idk when i got home but i think i fell asleep after like. an hour or so #my mom called me a few hours ago and i went back to sleep but i’m still sleepy AAAAA #i slept so bad last night idk how many times i woke up 🧍🏻‍♀️ #i need to go eat dinner before i fall asleep again 🛌

[mizaruwu]

"Ah, my flower- how clumsy of me" she said in a slightly embarrassed tone, you remember her voice as clear as a bell.

You remember the hibiscus in the water "it happens" you said chuckling a bit. You remember that feeling.

.

.

.

[How many details can you still remember after waking up from a dream? How many memories can you still hold on to?]

.

.

.

unobscured version below ^^)/

You remember Marin's hibiscus falling into the water when both of you were looking for seashells, "Ah, my flower- how clumsy of me" Marin said, slightly embarrassed. You chuckle a bit "it happens"

You remember planning to make Marin a hairclip she can use to secure flowers in her hair with and make it as soon as you wake up the next day. She's going to love it. You remember that feeling.

#I finally got this out of my head (yippee) #it's been haunting me for days sdxfchgjk #got to draw legend in his old clothes again :D #second-person pov to spice things up hehe #linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu legend #lu marin #my art #text not proofread so there's probably mistakes >=<;)

[donatellawritings]

୨୧ how sugardaddy!rafe found his favorite little muñeca

rafe wasn’t entirely sure as to what it was that piqued his father’s need to go on vacation every few months out of the year, but he wasn’t against it. since returning back to tannyhill, following his brief collegiate stint, rafe needed an outlet — a place where he could go and blow a few tens of thousands of dollars and not be reprimanded, a place where he could lose himself in copious amounts of coke without judgement, a place where he could be the man — the one who was needed, the one who had all the answers.

so, when ward came up with the brilliant idea to send his eldest of kin to the island of culebra, puerto rico — just to keep his volatile son out of trouble … rafe was quick and eager to oblige.

the villa was immaculate, completely renovated from the ground up, with the pristine view of the clear turquoise waters that crashed against the powder white sand. but what caught rafe’s bright baby blues was the little puerto rican girl who stood bent over, tiny white shorts sucked in the soft fat of your plush ass as you carefully picked at the bright fuschia hibiscus flower that grew alone in the patch of crisp green grass. shiny blown out hair cascaded down the small of your back as rafe tongued the inside of his cheek, watching closely as you straightened your posture, the shorts now almost entirely swallowed by your plump ass.

rafe couldn’t help himself, but continue to ogle at you, his bloodshot eyes carelessly drinking in the way your bronze skin shimmered under the sun, as well as the cute hot pink heart-shaped glitter tattoo that sparkled on your lower back. and fuck, it took everything in him to not shove his hand down his pants with the way the fat of your ass sat all heavy and perfectly curved against the flimsy fabric of your shorts.

smiling to himself, rafe obnoxiously clears his throat, causing you to flinch and whip your pretty little head at him, all wide eyed and open-mouthed, “uh, don’t think y’should be pickin’ at other people’s flowers, huh?” he questions, his voice dripping in a condescending cadence as you immediately drop the pretty flower from your small fist, allowing it to fall at your sparkly pink toes.

remaining silent, you awkwardly shift on your feet, blinking your wispy lashes together as you close your mouth, “i’m sorry, i just — hmph,” you sigh, your nose scrunched in frustration as you struggled to find the right words … in english, at least.

cocking his head to the side, rafe chuckles at your fussy state, his stringy bangs masking the way he incessantly stared at the way the swells of your breasts bounced against your one size too small lily pink triangle bikini top. judging by your thick accent, rafe could tell that communicating with you would be a bit of a struggle — lucky for you, he considered himself to be a proactive man of sorts.

taking a step closer to you, rafe feigns a sigh of disappointment, even going so far as to pinch the bridge of his nose “i don’t know, i may just have to tell someone that y’just comin’ here and makin’ a mess of things — i can’t have that, sweetheart,” he shrugs.

your little heart thumped rapidly against your chest as you bit down into your pouty bottom lip, swallowing thickly as you brought your terrified gaze to the ground.

deciding to twist the knife, rafe nudged the point of your chin with the side of his signet-tinged index finger with squinted eyes, “y’parents never taught y’how to talk to people, huh?” he questions, his pupil-blown eyes searching yours as you parted your swollen lips.

furiously shaking your head, you take a short breath, “i-i dunno how — the words are h-hard,” you speak, your voice small and mousey as your eyes meet rafe’s intimidatingly blue ones.

“well, y’gotta learn, yeah?” rafe shrugs.

with bright and naive eyes, you let out an excited gasp, “you can teach me?” you question, swollen lips pursed together as rafe licks over his pink chapped lips, taking another step closer to you as his rough hand grasps the side of your face.

you were a naive little one, a bit too welcoming … but he could fix teach you.

bringing his thumb to curve around your jaw, rafe shushes you, “y’shouldn’t be walkin’ around stranger’s houses dressed like that — your daddy ever teach you that?” rafe lightly pushes your head back, a shit-eating grin now playing on his handsome face as you obediently answer him with a forceful shake of your head.

your bambi eyes now welled with embarrassed tears, you gently attempted to pull your face from the young man’s tight hold, “yo no tengo …” you whimper softly.

shifting your face, rafe raises a corrective brow at you, “english, kid,” he scolds.

poking out your fat bottom lip in a wobbly pout, you lightly stomp your foot in frustration, “i don’t have a daddy,” you whine, a warm teardrop rolling down the apple of your cheek as rafe tutted at you with a knowing nod to himself.

“that’s the problem, huh? y’don’t have a daddy to keep y’little ass in line,” rafe mumbles, bringing his thumb to mush against your swollen and somewhat sticky lips as you stare at him with confused, yet needy little eyes.

letting go of your jaw, rafe runs a hand through his greasy hair, before swiping at the corner of his mouth with his finger, “listen kid, m’gonna take care of you, yeah? buy you whatever girly shit y’like — maybe even take y’home with me one of these days —”

“like a daddy?”

letting out a huff, rafe takes in the way you reach down to grab ahold of the wilted flower, boobs nearly spilling out of your bikini tops as you fist it tightly in your grip, “yes, but i’ll be your daddy —”

“papi!” you beam, a wide smile stretching your swollen lips as you bat your cutesy stacked lashes together, “that’s your name?” you ask politely, reaching your small hands to tug on the waistband of your shorts, unknowingly pulling them further up your ass.

“rafe is my name, pretty girl — but y’can call me papi, okay?” he coos, swiftly snagging the flimsy flower from your hand, causing you to pout as you roll your eyes, leaving rafe to snap his fingers at you, “hey — don’t start that shit, now come here and let me fix y’up,” he commands, internally satisfied with the way you quickly removed the frown from your face and walked over to him, the tips of your toes meeting the tips of his sandals.

curling a ginger underneath the waistband of your shorts, rafe softly pulls on the stretchy fabric, taking a mental note of the frilly thing you wore underneath. placing the flower in your shorts, rafe carefully secures the band of your shorts to hold the flower upright, you dainty belly button ring also catching his watchful eyes.

craning your neck to get a look of your cute new accessory, you scoff with excitement, “aye, es muy bonita, papi!” you squeal, rushing to swing your arms around rafe’s tense and warm neck.

lightly patting the top of the curve of your asscheek, rafe gently pulls you away from him, “listen, kid — y’can’t just trust every person you meet, yeah? not everyone is going to be nice like your papi, hm?” he clasps his hands around your bare shoulders, biting back a smirk as you nod feverishly.

“tell me that you understand,” rafe pushes, silently encouraging you with a small squeeze of your shoulders.

“i und-understand,” you breathe out.

bringing a hand to barely pat your cheek, rafe reaches his free hand down to tug the hem of your shorts down to cover your ass, “good girl — now why don’t y’come with daddy and i’ll buy y’some pretty clothes,” rafe hums, massaging your cheek with his thumb.

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron prompt #rafe cameron x reader #obx #obx imagine #rafe cameron smut #rafe x reader #rafe smut #rafe imagine #sugardaddy!rafe

[wifeyoozi]

ot13 seventeen : when you have trouble sleeping

seungcheol : probably buys you a lot of products and gadgets like white noise machine and air purifiers and blankets to help you sleep better. will indulge you and cuddle you till you get comfortable and sleep

jeonghan : will run his fingers through your scalp and massage your head lightly to induce sleep. surprisingly it worked

joshua : will end up staying up with you. you two have some real deep talk about yourselves and your relationships and just everything around you.

junhui : will take you to the balcony with a lot of blankets and cuddle you on the relaxing chair. he believes stargazing and the fresh cool air will help you sleep better. both of you end up falling asleep in the single chair, you on top of him.

hoshi : will tell you a silly bed time story and keeps extending it with his imagination till he hears your soft snores, and then wraps his arms around you, murmuring a good night in your hair before sleeping too.

wonwoo : would joke about fucking you so you get tired and fall asleep and gets actually surprised when you ask him to try out. he would fuck you, but more gently and passionately to bring you to a satisfying, sleep-bringing orgasm

woozi : magic in his arms. somehow he will hug you tight and you'll just fall asleep soon, full of his scent as you nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck. will pepper you with kisses, making you feel full and loved.

minghao : will make you some hot chamomile or hibiscus tea for you. will sit down with you and ask if there is anything on your mind that is keeping you up and talk with you about it if there is.

mingyu : he is very cuddly while sleeping and with those big arms, he is usually very warm and comfy to cuddle with. however if you can't sleep with that, he'll hold you loose, letting you get some air and get comfortable in your space before pulling you close into a comfier position

seokmin : he'll hum or sing for you. he has a very sweet voice and it be such a waste if he didn't. you find his voice very soothing and have told him before so he knows the best way to help you sleep is by softly singing by your ear.

seungkwan : he is used to staying awake till you sleep first so when you are not able to sleep for a long time he knows something is wrong and asks you about it. whether it you are not finding a comfortable position to sleep or are bothered by something in your mind, he'll help you with it.

vernon : wouldn't be as quick to notice your discomfort but when he does, he is really concerned. would take you for a long walk if it helps your mind come at ease. he won't pry you to tell him whats keeping you up, but if you tell him, he'll listen to you diligently.

chan : will stay up with you if you need to talk about something or just watch tiktok with you while spooning you or cuddle you in whatever position you feel most comfortable in or all of the above, depending on how you are feeling.

#svt #seventeen #dk x reader #hoshi x reader #jeonghan x reader #joshua x reader #scoups x reader #jun x reader #wonwoo x reader #woozi x reader #the8 x reader #mingyu x reader #seungkwan x reader #vernon x reader #svt x reader #svt fluff #scoups fluff #jeonghan fluff #joshua fluff #jun fluff #hoshi fluff #wonwoo fluff #woozi fluff #the8 fluff #mingyu fluff #seokmin fluff #seungkwan fluff #dino fluff #vernon fluff

[dyeher]

“We should get married.”

The sun is too hot. You’re too sweaty and dehydrated and horny and miserable to even entertain Mikey’s lackluster proposal. It’s not even a question. It’s a statement.

He looks serious too, and hot and sweaty and delicious. You want to lick the stray beads of sweat that have collected at the base of his throat.

But you can’t because it’d be unprofessional. So, you ignore him. Adjusting the lens on your camera to snap a few more pictures of him in the natural light.

There’s a giant hibiscus tucked behind his right ear and his head is tilted up to face the sky. He’s glowing. Between him and the orange hibiscus you’re not sure who the sun is loving more.

“Did you hear me?”

“Don’t move,” you instruct, ignoring him again. He’s turned to you for acknowledgment and the light catches in the strands of his hair. It frames him in a halo of light, and in this position the hibiscus pales in comparison to him. Him and his entirely too beautiful face. His upper body flexes lightly with the movement, exposing his tattoos for the camera and when he lifts a brow at you, your mouth goes dry.

“Don’t ignore me.”

“It’s too hot Mikey,” you complain. You’re still snapping away because Mikey is moving and every shift in the muscles of his arms as he turns toward you fully, the clenching of his abdominal muscles, you aim to capture them all.

“This was your idea,” he points out.

He’s right. It was your idea and you don’t regret it. Not when you get to see him like this (because there are very few people who can see him like this and you’re truly honored to be one of them).

He sits back, pressing his hands into the soft grass behind him and elongating his torso. His jacket falls open wider and more of the small tattoos scattered across his torso are revealed. You snap a few quick shots of him from the neck done.

“I know,” you smile as you sink onto the grass next to him to click through the last five pictures you’d snapped. They’re your favorite so far.

The first is a body shot that highlights the golden pendant that’s nestled in the hollow of his throat. There’s a small butterfly tattoo on his left collar bone and Roman numerals on his right. The tattoo above his Adam’s apple matches the wording in the pendant. ‘Monster’ printed in typewriter font.

The second is a torso shot. His skin is damp from a thin layer of sweat and the sun casts his normally pale skin in a golden glow. You’d managed to capture a bead of sweat as it trickled down between his abs.

The third makes you freeze.

“Delete that,” Mikey says from over your shoulder. The heat from his body seeps into your thin shirt as he plasters himself to your back.

He’s smiling in the picture. His head tilted downward as he looks at you through his lashes, a secretive smile playing on his lips. It’s breathtaking. You’d captured his entire top half. The flexing muscles in his arms, the bunching of the muscles in his shoulders.

“Nope!” you giggle, holding the camera out of his reach. Mikey glares playfully at you.

“The only way—” he lunges, eyes locked on your own, and snatches the camera from you, ignoring your indignant yelp“—you’re keeping this is if you say yes to marrying me.”

You squint, folding your arms in front of you. “You’re not serious.”

Mikey places the camera down carefully and turns his attention to you. “I am.”

He reaches for your hands and drags you into his lap, guiding them to his shoulders and settling his own on your waist. Your eyes narrow further as he pulls you closer to him. “I’m very serious.”

You’re a little taller than him like this and when he tilts his head up to look into your eyes the hibiscus falls free from behind his ear.

“I want to marry you,” he continues. “And then you can take as many pictures of me as you want.”

You swallow, your heart suddenly thundering as Mikey continues to stare at you. “As many pictures as I want? Do you promise?”

Mikey chuckles. “I promise.”

You eye him skeptically.

He presses a soft kiss to your chin. “I’ll even let you post some of them.”

Your eyes widen. “Really?!”

He presses a kiss lower to your throat, his hair tickling your chin as he nods.

“You’re not trying to trick me into saying yes right?”

Mikey lifts his head to level a blank look at you. “Would I need to trick you?”

“Fair point,” you acquiesce.

He leaves a kiss on your right cheek and then the corner of your mouth and when his tongue comes out to lick along the seam of your lips you sigh.

He takes advantage of that and kisses you deeply. When he pulls away you blink dazedly at him.

“Ask me to marry you again after I’ve had a shower,” you blurt.

Mikey’s brows furrow. “What?”

“I’m too sticky and sweaty and hot to think straight and your cock is right—” you roll your hips, dragging your clothed sex along his erection “—there! I’m not thinking straight.”

Mikey chuckles. “How about after I’ve fucked you ?”

You pause. “In the shower?”

Mikey groans, head falling against your shoulder. “Sure, I’ll ask you again after I’ve fucked you in the shower.”

“And I’ll say yes.”

“You fucking better,” he says. “I’d hate it if you forced my hand.”

You pretend you don’t hear the threat in those words.

#mikey x y/n #mikey x reader #mikey x you #manjiro sano x you #manjiro sano x reader #mikey fluff #manjiro sano fluff #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev fluff #tokyo rev x y/n #tr: beyablade.

[zhongrin]

𒆙 deus auri

part 4/8 of ⎡∞ / 𝟔 𝟎 𝟎 𝟎 ⁺⎦, a zhongli 2023 birthday event

© zhongrin | 2023  ✼  no repost・translations・plagiarism of any kind・ai data mining. rebloggers get a free cup of tea ♡

𖧷 tags ┈ gn!reader, teeth-rotting fluff

𖧷 a/n ┈ merry christmas yall! i hope you're being surrounded by your loved ones today (be it physically or online). consider this a christmas gift from me to you <3

𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝓊𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓊 ❬ masterlist ❭ 𐫱 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 ❬ taglist ❭

𝓃early everyone in your neighborhood knew of your secret admirer, yet no one knew of their actual identity.

they had their speculations, of course. the elders just love to tell you all about their theories whenever they spot you with yet another fresh yellow hibiscus on your person. perhaps it was the young man three houses away, since mrs. feng saw him stealing glances at you? oh, or maybe it was the lady who moved into the neighborhood a few months ago, since the timing matched with when you started receiving the flowers? no, no, it must have been the blacksmith’s child who was just the perfect age for marriage, or the widowed greengrocer who kept giving you discounts, or—

entertaining the musings of the older folks who had nothing better to do than gossip was not your specialty, so a forced laugh and an excuse later, you continued on your merry way, shaking your head with a breath escaping your lips as your fingers brushed the soft petal.

you used to keep the flowers in a vase or press them between book pages to dry them out, hoping to prolong their life, but these days you prefer to have it on you as you go about your day. sometimes you’d wear it on your hair, tucked behind your ear, or weaved around your wrist, and other times you’d slip it on your clothes, going as far as planning your attire around the bright yellow petals. and when the day ended, the bloom would have wilted, but you already knew that the next day, another fresh flower would appear right in front of your doorstep.

truly, a mystery.

as many moons passed, you became curiouser and curiouser. such dedication, such resourcefulness. just who was this silhouette in the dark you could not seem to shine a light upon? as silly as it sounded, you were slowly toeing the lines of curiosity and perhaps even affection, as stupid as that sounded.

there was a florist you would always pass by whenever you returned home from a day of toiling at work. a selection of flowers, though none matched the flower you tucked onto your belt loop for the day, lined the forefront of the little stall, its owner giving you a friendly smile as you approached.

you started placing marigolds on your doorstep before going to bed.

what made you choose the specific flower? you weren’t too sure yourself. perhaps the colors and rounded shape of its floral head that day reminded you of mora, and it was an attempt at darkly humoring the stranger who had been spending their mora to buy all those hibiscus blooms. perhaps you just found them pretty and silently hoped your secret admirer would, too.

the marigold always disappeared the next morning, replaced with your faithful, bright yellow-petaled friend.

the ritual continued on, and just as tireless as your admirer was, you made sure to be just as persevering. not a day passed without the exchange of blossoms - not when it rained, nor when the holidays rolled by.

“mama, look! it’s the adepti!!” a little girl raced past you, dragging her laughing mother by the hand, jumping and trying to seek past the crowd of people flooding the main street at the end of your little neighborhood. the ginkgo leaves were falling, maidenhair petals matching the bright color of the hibiscus pinned onto your hair billowing past as you too, stepped towards the crowd.

they did this parade every single year, both to celebrate the end of a prosperous twelve-month period and to honor the very birthday of the geo archon, and every single time you thought you would ever get bored of it. a magnificent procession along the main streets, a week-long festival before and after, the various stalls opening along the streets, the hustle and bustle of the harbor amplified, joyfulness and the trees seemingly painting the air gold.

“ah, the demon conqueror isn’t joining us this year?”

“he’s the elusive sort, after all.”

”but the great illuminated beasts are almost all here!”

it was hard to make out the words of the people around you as the crowd bustled in excitement and the processional march reverberated so loudly in your ears, so you decided to step and slip around the gaps of enamored people when you spotted your chance.

eventually, your eyes finally fell upon the group as they made their way through the stone paved path. the proud magnificent beasts were always a sight to behold; otherworldly and also imposing. golden and red, intricately sewn flags bearing the symbol of geo along with the harbor itself waved in the air as the sounds of the drums seemed to make the ground shake. the smell of incense filled your lungs, your eyes squinting as the sunlight caught the cor lapis ornaments affixed onto nearly every object and clothing of the congregation. and yet it was said that the celebration march used to be much grander, with dancers and flower petals and scriptures detailing the founding of liyue and the tales of the archon war being read out loud - but your lord himself insisted for it to be downplayed after several hundred years.

and speaking of the devil…

“may rex lapis live and reign for ten thousand years!”

“ten thousand years, ten thousand of ten thousand years!”

this year too, the deity sat upon the resplendent sedan chair carried by four mortals. this year too, he looked as regal in his dark garment patterned with glowing golden threads and - in your opinion - as bored out of his mind. this year too, a stem of-

-wait.

he didn’t have those last year.

marigold eyes glanced toward your direction, and you thought you had induced yourself into having a fever dream when your gazes met. but no, the way his amber eyes slightly widened and the way he suddenly shifted, back straightening from its former slouch and the colors dusting his cheek were very much real. while your lips parted as you tried to process the information, his own lips stretched into a gentle smile; gloved fingers plucking the flower from its pinned place on his outer robe, before placing a fleeting kiss on the one-stemmed tagetes’ amber corolla.

and as the crowds moved, eager to follow your lord, you let yourself be carried away by the sea of eager citizens, your heart doing double flips inside your chest as you tried to fit the puzzle pieces together.

…….. you think your ‘secret admirer’ might be the very god of your nation.

𖧷 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 ❬ taglist ❭ ┈ @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sunnshineflxwer | @yuutasbabe | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @silentmoths | @niktwazny303 | @dustofthedailylife | @marina-and-the-memes | @mixed-kester | @lordbugs | @anonymousficreader | @shizunxie | @ansy-tea | @irethepotato | @sassy-cat-in-town | @syrenkitsune | @smokipoki | @cakeboxie | @crystalflygeo | @ciexuvia | @illaasya | @celestewritestoomuch | @pams-comfortzone | @spidermanluvr444 | @ourstrawberryclouds | @ryuryuryuyurboat

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #zhongli #zhongli x reader #rin writes #∞ / 𝟔 𝟎 𝟎 𝟎 ⁺

[cevansbrat0007]

Hello 🤗 I am back to cause chaos lol I have had this thought for days. What about the reaction of Andy and or Ari if there girl goes and gets waxed down there and they usually go to a woman but this time it was a man ?

Summary: Ari doesn't approve of your latest trip to the spa.

Warnings: Mature Themes, Ari Being A Menace, Jealous/Possessive Ari Levinson, Arguments, Smut, Discussions of Personal Grooming Habits, Manhandling, Oral Sex (fem rec), Ass Slapping, Cursing, Minors DNI.

A/N: Part of my Sweet Renegades Series. Semi-proofread, not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

You and Ari are in the middle of a conversation one evening, with both of you taking turns catching the other up on the events of your day. 

“Anyway, I can’t wait to try their new, revamped line of body butters they’ve got coming out next month.” You pause for a moment to shut the dishwasher before dutifully pressing start. “I remember the first time I used their hibiscus and papaya scrub – wait. Or was it the oil?”

You cast a glance over your shoulder at your handsome Bounty Hunter who’s been busy holding up a wall in your kitchen ever since he walked in the door less than fifteen minutes ago. You’re not the least bit surprised when you see him shrug, the poor man looking so lost it was almost comical.    

“Eh, I can’t quite remember.” Your fingers come up to tap your chin. “But whatever it was, it seriously had me smelling so good practically all flippin’ day.” 

Satisfied, you return your attention back to tidying up your kitchen. Since Ari had texted saying he’d already eaten and you hadn’t wanted to leave the clean-up to the last minute, you’d decided to tackle it before you got too tired and didn’t feel like doing it anymore.

“Now, Beast, if you find yourself hungry in the middle of the night you just go on and help yourself. And don’t forget about the biscuits.” You tell him as you move to wash your hands. “They are literally the backbone of the entire dish.”

A beat goes by before your rugged companion responds. And when he finally does, it’s with something you least expect.  

“So, I take it there weren’t any, uh, other lady waxers workin’ at that fancy spa place of yours today?” Ari coughs, appearing more than a little uncomfortable with the subject matter at hand. 

“Huh?” Confused, you lean back against the countertops before bracing yourself on your elbows. “That’s all you managed to get out of the last ten minutes?”

His sheepish response of “well, yeah” has you shaking your head in exasperation. 

“Of course there were. The staff at Ostara is almost all exclusively female.”   

“Oh. It’s just that…” He gazes up at the ceiling, almost like he’s waiting for the right words to come tumbling down out of the sky. “When I asked how your day was a little bit ago, you mentioned that someone named Michèle handled your waxing appointment. I just assumed it was a woman...” 

“Nope.” You reply, crossing your arms over your chest. “Michèle is most definitely a guy.”  

“Okay.” Ari blows out an uncertain breath the same time as one of his big hands comes to rub at the back of his neck. “Not too sure how I feel about that.”

“About what?”

He gives a lame shrug before jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “‘I guess I’m just not too keen on the idea of another man seeing you…like that. In fact I know I’m not.”

His words have your mouth falling open. “Beast!” You exclaim, slapping an incredulous hand to your forehead. “I promise that we kept everything strictly professional.”

“Never said it wasn’t.” He mumbles, even as he continues glowering at you from across the room.   

“Welp, now that we cleared that up I think I’m ready for bed.” You push away from the counter, intending to put an end to the discussion by heading upstairs. Although a part of you should’ve known that it couldn’t possibly be that easy. “If you decide you wanna join me, you might wanna try getting over yourself first.” 

“Now hold on.” He goes to reach for you as you pass by, but because you see it coming, you manage to dance out of the way. “Bird, wait!”

You simply didn’t have the energy to argue with him about something as trivial as this tonight. He could get over it, or he could go home.

“Slow down a second, woman!”

To your credit, you manage to make it all the way to the top of the stairs and into your bedroom without looking back once. Not that you needed to anyway since you could feel that your Bounty Hunter was hot on your heels. 

“Hey!” Ari growls, snagging a fistful of your oversized sleepshirt and hauling you flush against his hard chest. “You know I hate it when you walk away in the middle of a conversation. Drives me fuckin’ nuts every single time.”

Now that you knew to be true. It was part of the reason you always kept that move in your back pocket. Because it always bought you time while pissing him off. 

“You were being ridiculous.” You tell him, reaching behind you to twine your arms around his neck. “But if you’re finished, I suppose I could be convinced to let you take me to bed.” 

All is quiet for a moment as your eyes flutter closed, your body content to relax as you listen to the sound of his heartbeat. A hint of a smile tugs at your mouth when you feel two large, warm hands settle on your hips, followed by a whisper of lips tracing along the shell of your ear. 

“How ‘bout you finish telling me about why you let another man see what’s mine?” While Ari manages to keep his tone low and even, there’s no mistaking the fact that he’s pissed.

And just like that, the spell is broken. Immediately, you pull away – surprised when he lets you go. 

“Seriously?” You snap, almost tripping over your own two feet. “I already told you, the girl who usually does it called in sick. What else did you expect me to do, Ari? Skip it?”

“Well, maybe.” Ari grunts, his sensual lips curving into a frown. “Not sure why you even felt the need to subject yourself to that shit in the first place. I had no idea when I left you this morning that you were planning to abuse my pussy like that.” You watch as he runs an agitated hand through his chestnut locks. 

“Just so we’re clear, this is my body we’re talking about, okay? Which means I'm in control of what happens to it.” You perch on the edge of the bed, your entire body bristling with annoyance. It was a shame that your man refused to let this one ride.

“Bullshit.” He hisses before grabbing the bottom of his faded gray t-shirt and dragging it over his head. “I’m not talking about your body, I’m talking about my pussy. The same greedy cunt I find myself feedin’ damn near everyday.”

“Oh, don’t be crass.” Your tone is rife with indignation, even as you feel your cheeks heat. 

“Who the hell’s bein’ crass, Duchess? All I’m doing is telling the truth.” Next he goes to work on his jeans, unfastening the button and zipper before dragging them down his legs and kicking them into a random corner of the room, leaving him clad in only a pair of black boxer briefs. “I tell you all the time about how fucking greedy she is, don’t I?”

Okay, fine. But that didn’t mean he had to be so loud about it. So what if you hadn’t been the type to enjoy sex all that much before Ari came along? Now you couldn’t get enough. Where was the crime, officer?  

“I’m not that greedy.” You pout, doing your best to ignore the wetness coating your thighs.

“Baby.” Ari murmurs, bridging the distance so that he can bend down to take your lips in a brief kiss. “How many times have you been done – I’m talking absolutely spent – and she hasn’t wanted to let me go?” He briefly distracts himself by twisting one of your curls around his finger. “So I’ve gotta take you again. Fuck you even longer and harder so she’ll finally let us both get some rest.” 

“I–I’m not even sure I know what you’re talking about.” Except you absolutely did know what he was talking about. And it was absolutely true. Well, most of it anyway. 

“Is that so?” Ari murmurs as his voice dips, his tone pitched to arouse. “Then perhaps you need me to help jog your memory.” His leans in trail a line of soft, sensual kisses along the curve of your throat. 

“Maybe.” You rasp, tilting your chin up so as to grant him easier access. 

“I’ll do whatever you want so long as today is the last day I ever have to hear about you letting another man see what’s mine.”

“That is IT!” You snap, shooting off the bed so fast you barely miss smacking heads. “Fuck you, Ari Levinson! If you’re so hellbent on making something out of nothing then you can just see yourself out already.”

“I can’t help it if what I’m feeling actually feels like something instead of nothing.” You can’t help but notice the way his heated gaze tracks your every movement. 

“For the last time, I went to a salon and spa to see a licensed esthetician for a professional waxing appointment like I have done for ages. Today it just so happened to be with a guy.” This time when he tries to touch you’re quick to slap his hand away. “Nothing happened other than me enduring having hot wax poured onto, and then subsequently ripped off of, my nether regions. That is it.” You huff, poking him in the chest with your finger. 

“And I’m trying to tell you that you didn’t need to put yourself through all that.” You jump when he nips at the offending finger, gently catching it between his teeth. “Not for me. I don’t mind a little hair. Doesn’t bother me any.”

Well, you would be sure to file that one away for future reference.

“But I didn’t do it for you, you goof!” You yank your hand away, attempting to put some distance between yourself and the annoying, half-naked Bounty Hunter standing in front of you. “I did it for me. It’s part of my…my self-care, or whatever.” Your pulse speeds up when you watch him reach inside his boxers to adjust his rapidly hardening cock. “Okay? But I won’t use Michèle again if it bothers you that much.”

“Appreciate that.” Ari nods once, his perfect teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he slowly backs you into a corner. “But I wanna put it on record that I’m the type of man who’s gonna enjoy his meal however you’re fixin’ to serve it, sweet Bird.”

Holy shit. Why the fuck did that make your pussy gush the way it just did?

“M–meaning?” You gasp when you collide with a nearby wall. Grinning, Ari slips a wandering hand between your bodies, pleased when he finds you naked and wet for him. He cups your bare pussy, reveling in the way your sticky honey eagerly coats his palm.  

“I just don’t want you thinkin’ about depriving me because you’re in between appointments, or 'cuz your regular gal has to reschedule.” You let out a whimper when Ari grinds the heel of his palm against your swollen clit. “I’m afraid that’s not going to work for me. Or, I suspect, for her.” 

“You’re so bossy.” You whine, rising on your toes as he continues to tease you. “You really gotta work on that.”

“You think so, beautiful Bird?” He gazes down at you through lidded eyes, his easy grin bordering on indulgent. And then he applies more pressure, not missing the way your toes curl into the plush carpet as pleasure begins to overwhelm you.        

“Uh huh.” Your hands go to grip his forearm, perhaps hoping to better increase the friction. 

“Then I reckon I just might owe you an apology.” And truth be told, he recognized that he probably did. It was entirely possible that he let the whole Michèle thing bother him more than it ought to. Perhaps he’d sleep on it and see how he felt about it all tomorrow. Or not.

But for now, there was something else he could do to help mend things – provided he was willing to get a little filthy. 

Ari surprises you by removing his hand. But just when you’re about to pitch a fit, he drops to his knees in front of you. “Let me make it up to you, sweetheart.” He begins as his fingers trail their way along the soft skin of your calf. “Let me apologize for giving into some of my baser instincts, like the neanderthal you’ll probably wanna claim that I am.”

“Beast–” You open your mouth to respond, only to let out a surprised squeal when he picks up your leg and drapes it over one of his broad shoulders. “Jesus!”

“Hush.” He then leans in to bestow a hot, open mouthed kiss to your exposed pussy. He groans against your most intimate flesh, savoring the sweet, earthy taste of you. “Need to make sure she’s okay before I start apologizing too much.” Is all he says before he goes back to burying his face between your thighs, nuzzling at your glistening folds with the tip of his nose. 

“Are you sensitive anywhere?” Ari growls, his voice coming out slightly muffled as he circles your throbbing bundle of nerves with his skilled tongue. “Sore?”

“No.” You breathe, lightly running your fingers through his dark brown strands. “In fact, I feel ah-may-zing.” You finish with a tiny giggle.

“Good.” 

That’s your only warning before your world suddenly shifts as Ari tosses your other leg over his shoulder. Next thing you know, he’s back to standing at his full height. And you’re now touching the ceiling with your thighs locked around his head.     

“Omigosh!” You cry, the sound of your nervous laughter filling the room. “You’re gonna hurt yourself if you don’t – ooh…oh God yes…yesyesyes!” You smack your open palm against the ceiling as your Bounty Hunter begins to eat you like a man starved. 

“Oh don’t stop, Beast, please!” You sob, grinding your dripping pussy against Ari’s face, soaking his beard just the way he likes.  

Words, rough and unintelligible, rumble out from somewhere deep in his chest. And while you may not be able to understand him, you know exactly what he’s trying to tell you. His hands gripping your ass to hold you in place are enough to drive the message home. 

You were to take everything he gave you like a good girl. His good girl. So you do. You practically scream yourself hoarse as Ari takes his time tormenting you with every sensual flick, every tortuous swirl of his wide, flat tongue.

He gets off on the way he's making your legs shake, the sound of you unbridled cries and soft whimpers leaving him painfully hard. But still he doesn’t stop. He continues taking his time, worshiping you the best way he knows how.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Ari grunts when he finally comes up for air, his breaths coming in sharp pants. “But I’m still gonna need a little more time to work on my apology.” One of his hands delivers a swift blow to your ass, making you yip. “Really need to reconsider my behavior today while I put a fresh spitshine on my pussy.” He winks at you then, letting you know that he means every word.

“I’m sure she won’t mind.” He quips with a grin, his chin still shiny with your juices. “And neither will you.”

END

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#cevansbrat0007 Sweet Renegade Series #chris evans imagines #ari levinson imagines #chris evans fanfiction #ari levinson fanfiction #chris evans x you #ari levinson x you #chris evans x black!reader #ari levinson x black!reader #chris evans x woc!reader #ari levinson x woc!reader #chris evans x black reader #ari levinson x black reader #chris evans smut #ari levinson smut #chris evans x reader #chris evans x female!reader #chris evans x girlfriend!reader #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x female!reader #ari levinson x girlfriend!reader #chris evans x poc!reader #ari levinson x yn #chris evans x yn #ari levinson x y/n #chris evans x y/n #ari levinson girlfriend!reader #chris evans x fem!reader #ari levinson x fem!reader #ari levinson x poc!reader

[lowkeycasanova]

plot: you were sick and Sanji just wants you to feel better

a/n: I kNoW! this is different from my usual work but i couldn't get this out of my head

pairing: opla!sanji x fem!reader

***

It was a typical morning on the Going Merry. The sun was out and the weather felt great. However, you were lounging around on a shaded part of the ship due to recovering from a fever, but you felt better to not be in bed.

You laid on your back, eyes fluttered shut and felt the cool breeze. The green haired swordsman seemed to have the same idea as you, as he was napping a few feet away. Of course, when was he not?

You make out the laughter of Luffy and Usopp as you can also hear them running around on the hard wood being the rambunctious boys they were.

In a split second, your serene ambiance became disrupted.

Usopp had taken out his slingshot, aiming to hit Luffy with one of his shots. He missed, as Luffy dodged it quickly. This resulted in whatever Usopp slung to hit the wood above you.

All you heard was something crack and the fight or flight response in you made you open your eyes and overturn to get out of the way of the falling debris.

At that moment, Sanji was coming up the stairs. He stopped in his tracks, taking in the sight in front of him.

Usopp and Luffy standing there. The broken wood. You, off to the side of the impact, holding your chest as you attempted to catch your breath.

The boys were still laughing, as they hadn’t even realized you were there.

The blonde cook’s eyes widened in horror as he put two and two together, and he marched over, fuming.

“Ha ha! You missed me!” exclaimed Luffy.

“You idiots!” He swung his powerful leg with no hesitation, socking both of them into the ship’s mast.

“Ow.” They simultaneously winced.

Zoro opened one eye to see what all the commotion was about, then sighed as it was nothing out of the ordinary.

“What the hell are you doing? You could’ve hurt Y/N.”

Usopp and Luffy look over in your direction to see you getting up and brushing off your clothes.

“Sorry.”

“Yeah, my bad.” Usopp said as he rubbed his head.

Sanji turned his attention to you, his demeanor softening as he approached. “Are you alright? I couldn’t stand to see harm come to a lovely lady like yourself.”

“I’m good.” You smiled warmly and he couldn’t help but blush in response.

***

The crew returned to their usual antics and you were in your room, consumed by a good book.

There was a soft knock on the door.

“Come in.”

Inside stepped Sanji, holding a tray with a cold drink on top.

“Would the madam like something to drink?”

“Sure.” You said, putting the book on the beside table and sitting up to get more comfortable.

He offered it to you with pride and you took a sip as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to you.

The drink was some sort of herbal tea.

"mmm." you voiced. "This is amazing."

"You think so?"

You nodded and took another sip, savoring the taste. "Is that hibiscus?"

"How'd you know?"

"Well you're not the only one who knows flavors."

He let out a soft laugh. "I'm glad you like it. I also made it cold in hopes to bring down your temperature. How are you feeling by the way, sweetheart?" He asked and put the back of his hand against your forehead.

"I'm actually doing a lot better."

His eyes sparkled with delight at your words. With a playful grin, he then gently placed his hands on your cheeks, using them to check for any linger signs of that fever. He couldn't help himself. He was always ready to engage in a little flirtation.

You giggled at his touch, a blush tinting your cheeks. "What are you doing?"

"Just seeing if your temperature went down. A chef's duty extends beyond the kitchen, you know."

Your laughter bubbled up in response. "I appreciate the thorough examination."

And you did mean it. You're heart fluttered at the fact that he cared.

Sanji released his hold, his grin undeniably charming. "You're in good health. But shall you need anything from me again, don't hesitate to call."

You thanked him and he turned to walk out. But much as you enjoyed him, maybe it was time to talk to Luffy about getting an actual doctor on board. Just a thought.

#opla!sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji #one piece sanji #sanji x reader #one piece fanfiction #sanji x y/n #sanji x you

[babygirl-riley]

Oldies

You help your grand girls pick out Simon’s favorite flowers

Warnings: little tooth rotting love, Fluff, small smut, mention of simon’s past, angst (a lot of it), hint of dementia, major character death

simon x reader guide

simon x reader fluff/angst list

Giggling and pattered feet ran across the hall. You knew that sound. You smiled as you turned around from the kitchen chair. Two small children looked up at you. “Nana we want to pick flowers for papa.” The youngest said, you seen the mix of your son and his wife into the children. Beautiful grandkids that you loved so dear.

“For papa,” You whispered looking up into the hallway that leads to different rooms. You looked back down. “Okay, his favorite flowers are coming out at the moment.”

Flowers. You both don’t even know how you got into the topic, the area could have been invaded by enemies at any time, and NOW was the time to talk about flowers. “Lovie is this the best time?” Ghost whispered looking through the scope.

You sighed standing next to him. “Marriage is next week.” Looking around your surroundings, you both were ordered into the Alps for recon on the Russians. Definitely not the time or place.

Ghost sighed shaking his head. “If we get home in time.”

“I’m serious,” You responded. “Mom has been on my fucking ass. What is your favorite flowers?”

Ghost adjusted himself and let out a long sigh. “Your mother,” He mumbled before sighing once more. “I always loved hibiscus. My mum would get excited when Tommy and I brought them in.” He briefly explained, making a quick look before looking back into scope.

It shocked you when he just threw that at you. He hadn’t opened up for a while and when he did it would be private. “Those are beautiful…”

“Those are beautiful Mels.” You said as she picked some of the hibiscus. She looked back at you with her beautiful brown eyes.

“Nana! Nana! Do you think papa would like these?” You turned slowly learning that your body is becoming frail with even a fast movement.

She held up a sunflower. You smiled nodding your head. “I think papa will like whatever you girls give him.”

They giggled as you led them into the kitchen bringing out a vase. “Let’s put them all into this yeah?” You asked bringing it to their level.

They carefully and slowly put the flowers in one by one. You smiled as their tiny hands went to work running to grab some ribbon and other craft related things. You let them decorate the vase as what they thought that fit into the decoration. You looked around and saw the painting that was covering a hole in the wall. Years ago that hole had formed there, hell before you even had your son.

Simon propped you up to his hips as he kissed you. It was full of love and need, it made your head dizzy. You both just bought the home and him stating that we should break it in made you rub your thighs.

“Fuck baby,” He whispered pushing your back into the wall. “All those pretty noises just for me.”

You nodded grinding on him. “Si-Stop teasing. I need you.”

Simon chuckled as he placed sloppy kisses on your neck, that you knew that would leave marks. “As you wish.” He mumbled. He rutted against you as you moaned and groaned. His teeth making marks on your neck.

As the clothes got off and he shoved his cock into you. It was a brutal pace, you both were fucking on the table, chair, and now against the wall. You started to pant and claw at his naked back. “Fuck fuck fuck.” Simon whispered picking up the pace.

“Yeah baby,” You panted grabbing his cheeks and kissing him hard. “I am almost there.” You whined.

Just like that he was hitting that fucking spot that made you see stars. Without even realizing how hard you threw your head back it slams right into the wall. The wall sunk in with your head. Simon stills and grabs at your face. “Lovie,” He asks with concern. You laughed and cackled as you turned your head to the wall. “Jesus fucking Christ.” He mumbled, chuckling as well checking your head.

You sighed and grabbed his cheeks again. Giving a small kiss. “We will fix it later.”

“Papa! Papa!” Yelled the youngest running to the hallway as the oldest was right behind her.

You followed the girls close behind hearing you bones creak by every step. “You do ya girls have,” The familiar British voice rang through the room. “For me?”

When you stepped in he had the girls on his lap and the case sitting on the near by coffee table. “Nana helped us!” The oldest said excitingly. He looked up at you smiling.

You could tell the old age was there. Wrinkles the hair that once was the dirty blonde now nearly white. “Did she now?”

You chuckled as you stepped into the room. “They needed the help.” You said shuffling your way to him.

The girls looked at both of you as you leaned down to kiss him. “Ew!” The screamed, hopping down and running out.

Simon chuckled as he looked up at you placing a hand on your cheek. The soft light came through the window, illuminating his brown eyes. “Never thought we would be here.” He whispered. “Grandkids.”

You smiled grabbing his hand to help him up. “No we did not huh.” When he stood up all the way, he still was tall as he was before, little less broad. He leaned down to give you a forehead kiss before walking pass you. When you turned to watch him, he wasn’t there. You panicked at first looking around. “Simon?” When you hurriedly walked around the house he was nowhere to be found. “Simon.” You eyes started to water.

“Mum?” You snapped your head to see your son.

“Oh sorry honey I can’t seem to find your father. I just talked to him. Have you seen him?” You said wiping the tears away.

Your son frowned. “Mum dad died almost 5 years ago.”

You frowned looking around. “No I just talked to him. I swear. The little ones gave him flowers and we picked them.” You started to explain.

Your son walked to you and placed a hand on your arm. “Mum Ellie and Melonie are much older now remember?”

You shook your head even more confused. “But…”

“Have you taken your meds?” Your son said as he asked away grabbing the pill schedule holder.

You stood there looking down the hall. You didn’t even realize it was dark out. You swore it was day time then You remembered Simon did pass away, after all the things he survived age got the best of him. He fell after trying to get up the stairs knocking his head. He was fine until he fell into a coma and slowly passed.

Soap and you were the only ones left from the Task Force. So when you called him to have him say his goodbyes to Simon he was there instantly. You watched as Johnny cried and told him about all the stories and adventures that they went on. You both laughed at some. Your kids said goodbyes to him as did the grandkids. You waited until it was time to unplug him, as his chest laid still. After that life became a blur.

“Mum.” you turned to see your son he has his features.

“I miss him.” You muttered, as you sobbed.

Your son came up to you and held you for a moment. Shushing your cries as you both stood there for a moment. “I bet dad does too.” he whispered holding back his tears.

You cried harder wishing that you both died together or you died first not wanting to have this heartache anymore. “Here come with me.” Your son said taking you to the living space.

He turned on the light and you stared at the chair he once sat in. “Dad told me that if he ever passed away, he knew you would be heartbroken.” He went to a radio and grabbed a disc putting it in.

You smiled a bit as he switched songs, knowing it was “Ghost’s Mixtape.” When Soap made it during the time in the force. Once the melody started to play your heart dropped. You looked at your son who smiled at you. “He taught me the little dance you guys would do when I was a baby.”

“My mum loved this song,” You looked over at Simon who had the disc that Soap gave him. You held your son that was cradled in a blanket. “Soap accidentally put this song into the mix.”

You giggled as he muttered the last word. After having your son, Simon softened a bit. He was at your side no matter what pampering you with kisses and praises. Saying “You are stronger than I lovie.” or “You look sexy as a mum.” And with you feeling under the weather he has been extra on that, especially when taking your son home just three weeks ago.

“Oh no is it some silly song like gummy bear?” You said rolling your eyes.

Simon snapped his head at you, offended look in his eyes. “Blood hell. Absolutely not,” The song came on with a soft beginning. The similar song that made your heart soften. “This…This was what my mum used to listen to when…when dad would be done with the beatings. She would turn it on to calm herself.” You stepped closer to him placing a hand on his cheek. These moments are rare for him. To speak freely about his past and bearing his heart out. So you try your best not to speak so he can get his thoughts out. ��But when this played it brought me back to you, not at that time. You. It brought me to think how I never thought I could feel the way you make me feel y/n.”

You rubbed circles on his cheek, you just smiled tenderly at him. He grabbed your hand and led you to the center of the room. “What are you doing?” You giggled holding your son tighter.

Simon smiled down at you as he pressed you and your son close to his chest and rocked back and forth. You followed his lead. “I love you more than I can ever imagine.” He whispered placing his forehead against yours. “You have me a chance to be a father…to give my son a childhood.”

“Oh Simon,” You smiled placing a kiss on his lips. “I love you too Britain.”

#Spotify #simon ghost riley #call of duty modern warfare #simon riley #simon ‘ghost’ riley #call of duty #cod mw22 #simon riley smut #simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley smut #simon riley x y/n #simon ghost riley x female reader #simon riley angst #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x f!reader

[gogh-with-the-flow]

Blood in the Wine masterlist!!!

After moving to London all by yourself, you're struggling to make any meaningful connections. So, when a handsome stranger invites you out, you jump at the offer. However, you soon find yourself in way over your head when he reveals much more than what you expected: not just one, but four creatures of the night, thirsty for a taste of YOU. Will you make a valiant escape? Or will you allow yourself to fall into their hungry arms?

Blood in the Wine on AO3

Fic rating: M to E, 18+ only

Chapter One: Hibiscus Tea

Chapter Two: Reflections

Chapter Three: Nightcap

Chapter Four: Botanicals

Chapter Five: Tannins (E)

Chapter Six: Merlot (E)

Chapter Seven: Mead (NEW)

Banner by @bloodyknucklesforme

Other works:

141 Mechanic!AU

Part 1 (E)

Part 2 (E)

Cheating!Soap (Angst, hurt/no comfort)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Our Girlfriend (Gaz x reader to poly!141 x reader, smut)

Another Kind of Pleasure (Ghaz sounding)

#cod #blood in the wine #bitw #vampire!141 #captain john price x you #captain john price x reader #captain john price #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick x you #kyle gaz garrick #johnny soap mactavish x you #johnny soap mactavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish #poly!141

[lunargrapejuice]

snow day

alhaitham x reader

the cool air kisses your cheeks, white specks falling from the sky swaying with the small gusts of wind and melting against your skin, sticking to your hair. your fingers are lost in the deep powdery blanket at your feet and even through your gloves you can feel the chilling nip of the snow, see the puffs of your breath in front of you but the cold is the last thing on your mind.

with your bubbling joy it was hard to hold back your giggles but you manage to stay quiet as you pack the snow between your hands and peak up from your crouched spot on the ground to find your beloved. tall and handsome as ever, you spot him easily standing a ways away with his back to you, silver hair gleaming in the whiteness of the world as he stares up at the sky.

straightening your legs, your balled up snow held close to your chest with both hands, all you can do is admire him from afar and wonder what's on his mind or if perhaps you’ve caught him in a rare moment of being lost in his thoughts. as much as him turning around would ruin your little fun, you wish he was facing you so you could see his expression, so that you could take him in properly and could perhaps catch the attention of the grand scribe.

though you did have the perfect thing to get his attention. 

calling for him would have done the trick. he was never one to ignore you, no you had always caught his attention, but as he began to turn around, stuffing his hands deeper into his coat pockets and looking around for you, you felt the excitement over the snow that had brought you both out here return in full and let it guide your arm back to throw your snowball right at him.

over the crash of snow against his thick coat, shattering into small chunks at the impact against his muscular arm, he hears a burst of laughter. alhaitham watches the small fall to the ground before looking up at you, immediately catching your playful eyes.

“got you!” you call triumphantly in the distance, a sweet, adorable smile on your face that warms his chest, but your victorious tone is short lived. cut off by sharp mirthful eyes and the giggling shriek you let out when you see him making his way to you in a full sprint, long strides that were closing the distance so quickly. 

the snow crunching under his steps gets louder and louder in your ears, nearly lost in your laughter and the breaths you took as you picked up your own pace but his legs were longer, he was faster, and it was only a few moments of chasing before you felt the strength of his arms caging you, the scent of rose water and hibiscus filling your senses, and the weight of him sweeping you off your feet and right into the snow.

holding onto him, unable to stop your fit of giggles, your fall is cushioned and chilly, the snow tickling your neck and like sugar coats your figure but over you is no longer the pale sky. when you look up, snow falls from silver locks, making his cheeks and the tip of his nose pink, and against the seafoam of his eyes laced with gold, you can feel your heart skipping far too many beats. they’re tender and full of love and when you see his soft smile is telling of the same, you swear you’re not even breathing.

“‘haitham..” you coo quietly when you feel the warmth of his hand on your face, brushing snow from your cheeks and the sides of your hair. his name a whisper on the wind carried away in the cloud of your breath that he wouldn’t have missed for the world.

you lean into his touch, your eyes fluttering closed as you bask in his affection and when you open them again, still seeing that soft look on his face with every gentle movement of his fingers, your hands on his coat cling to him further. 

his gaze catches yours once more, a smile you never wanted to forget pulling at his lips as he whispers, “i love you.”

genshin impact masterlist | main masterlist

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #al haitham #alhaitham x reader #al haitham x reader #alhaitham #genshin impact fluff #al haitham fluff #alhaitham fluff

[cambrinkisbae]

.·:·.✧ Say No pt 2✧.·:·.

NIka Muhl x Fem!Reader

"and I would say all of this but I don't want to ruin the moment"

word count - 2.2k

themes:

-smut!

-slight fluff

A/N - I love this part sm omg. no other notes just read it and enjoy.....

It only took a couple days for people to start seeing the glances that me and Nika shot at each other throughout the days. Of course KK noticed first. Something tells me that shes like a child who makes fun of you for having a romantic life. If you can even call it that.

The more I got to know Nika, the more I wanted to date her. The way her dark eyes become more visible in the sun and the way her skin absolutely glows at the beach. All the time actually. I couldn't help but look up to my ceiling on nights that we weren't together and just pray that she felt the same way, even though we were trying to not date. Just keep it casual.

Some nights got so tiring not being in her arms that I would call Paige and beg her to send Nika over to my room. The entire summer was like this before she asked me out. Yes SHE asked ME out. Everything started to fall into place once July hit.

"Hey how are you doing?"

It had been silent for a little while. Nika decided to sit in my bed for a little while. It was a couple days after her ex broke up with her and we- yeah anyways. The silent almost became deadly to sit in so I broke it. Nika's head popped up from her phone and faced my direction. Her eyes were still a bit red with dilated pupils resting in the middle. She gently set her phone down in her lap, giving me undivided attention.

"Huh?"

Her voice reached a higher pitch at the end of short response.

"You know. How are you?" I gestured my eyes down to Nika's phone that was sitting peacefully on her stomach. To be honest I really couldn't care less about how she felt about the breakup, I just wanted to know how her emotions were doing to know if I could pour my heart out now.

Spoiler alert, I couldn't.

"Oh. Shitty I guess. He tried apologizing"

Her hands moved up to her own strand of hair that was hanging in front of her eye and pushed it back behind her ear, still maintaining eye contact.

My jaw almost dropped agape but I kept my composure. I couldn't believe that this guy would even breakup with the Nika Muhl but trying to get her back after? Fucking insane. Inside my head I was praying that she didn't take him back because if he did I would just have to bang my head on the nightstand next to me.

"What a loser. What did you do?"

"I.." Nika's eyes drifted over to the curtain behind me, breaking our eye contact for the first time tonight. "I blocked him"

I couldn't help but let a small smile grow on my lips at the sound of those words leaving her mouth. I nudged her shoulder gently, causing a smile to pop up on her usually serious face.

"Uh hello good job! I swear every other girl would take him back and then get hurt again"

Nika didn't deserve to be hurt ever. Most people see her as this aggressive Aries that has the same mentality off court. They see her as a bitch who wont let you touch her but shes a hugger. She loves hugs and she adores being hugged. Nika loves hibiscus flowers and cherry flavored gum on occasions but usually spearmint. She doesn't like being ignored because that's the one thing she used to do to people. And she remembers the moment of people telling her that she hurt them and feeling her heart shatter. Shes a softie when people care for her. Like a bee. Don't swat at them, and they wont sting.

"Thanks. I still miss him though"

Fuck.

"That's ok. Its normal I mean its only been a couple days since you guys broke up. Heartbreak lingers for a while. I promise someone better will come along"

Nice.

Nika sighed softly and let out a short groan before looking back down at her phone.

------------------------------------------------------------

july 7th 2023

Thursday. The day not even a machine could wipe from my memory. I woke up to Qadence sitting next to me holding a bucket beside her. I must've gotten drunk the night before

"Wednesdays go crazy" she said laughing as my eyes slowly blinked open

Last night had to be the blurriest time to imagine.

july 6th 2023

"No no let me stand on the table pleaseee" I whined into Caroline's ear while her hands were wrapped around my waist trying to get me to sit down. failing.

"Hey Nika why don't you give her a try?" KK yelled out while watching the chaos I was causing.

Nika gave an annoyed stare at KK before walking up to a drunk me that wouldn't let go of the edge of the table. Nika approached me with a calm look on her face and steady hands. Her fingers slowly wrapped around my waist and gently tugged me off of the table.

"Cmere time to go"

Even though Nika was just as drunk as I was, she seemed so collected. I mean collected enough to pull me into her arms without making out with me in front of everyone. A chill ran down my back as Nika carefully carried me to the exit. Not actually carried but you know what I mean.

Nika gently lifted my arms to help me get in Caroline's car before we drove off back to the hotel. Me and Nika used each other as support to get back to our room. The both of us plopped onto each other's beds and almost knocked out. But before either of us could fall asleep I looked over to see Nika crawling onto my bed. I felt her hand slither against my thigh once her body was fully next to me.

My eyes were immediately drawn to hers, which was focusing on my still lips.

"Can I?"

Nikas hands teased around the edge of my shorts, slightly unbuttoning the, with one hand. The moment I nodded yes both of her hands were at my waist, ripping my bottoms off. I held my breath until her fingers curled under the lace of my panties. She slowly slid them down my legs and then lifted me onto her lap. Her head was pressed against the bed board.

My clit dragged against the zipper of her leather skirt that I was needing to take off now. Without hesitating I pressed my lips against hers not even waiting to become sloppy. Nika's lipped wrapped around my tongue perfectly causing my legs to gently squeeze against the thighs that I was straddling. Her hands slowly made their way closer to my bare pussy, teasing with my folds.

"Fuck!" I whined out while trying to stay silent.

Nika easily swallowed every noise I made. while her traced around my hole teasing me into pleading for her to fuck me.

"Please.." I whined into Nika's mouth

"Please what? Use your words pretty"

"I need you to fuck me" I quickly gave in.

Nika quickly sent two of her fingers in me slowly pumping in and out. Her lips still sucking on mine gently. A louder moan left my mouth followed by me quickly grinding against her fingers.

"S-Shit"

Nika took my movements as a sign to quicken her pace. She curled her fingers up hitting all the right spots. Her patience was obviously not strong that night. I quickly came on her fingers, making her smirk at herself. Everything felt so right.

My walls that were clenched around her fingers slowly relaxed as she fucked me through my orgasm.

"Fuck don't stop"

I continued to grind my hips against her hand as she slowed down. of course she only wanted to make me come once before I got my turn.

"Up." I wrapped my hands around her thighs and gently lifted them up.

Nika was silent until I slipped my tongue onto her own clit that was helpfully bare. I flicked my tongue against her pussy just to tease her like she teased me. I began to gently pressed my tongue flat against her folds before diving into her.

With ease, my tongue collected everything that left her. before I even noticed that Nika's hands were tangled in my hair, her thighs wrapped aoround my ears. Sadly muffling her perfectly voiced whines.

I continued to lick and slurp at her folds before finally pulling away and licking my lips. Without doing anything else I crawling back up to her lips that now had lipstick smudged around. I noticed that a couple streaks of mascara had left her eyes but I chose to ignore that cause girl me too.

I remembered to let my tongue slip through my mouth and into hers before the taste of her left my tongue so that she could get a taste too.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

july 7th 2023

After throwing up around four more times I got dressed into a tank top and some jeans. Today the entire team was headed to the aquarium for some reason. I decided to put my hair up in a clip instead of letting it down.

The only makeup I put on was some mascara and lipgloss before actually leaving my room and heading to the main lobby where I saw a couple of the girls sitting down.

Once everyone was ready, we decided to go in different cars and meet up at the aquarium. I was with Ice, KK, and Paige for today. The car ride was going smoothly until Paige decided to turn around and ask me probably the most out of pocket question to exist.

"Why did I hear squeaking last night? From your room actually" She was clearly laughing and trying to get under my skin. My face went blank as I stared into her with only annoyance in my eyes.

"Literally shut up." I snapped back and smiled sarcastically.

The aquarium was huge, way bigger than any that I've been to. The first thing I saw when I walked in was a school of blue ring angelfish surrounding the entrance. To my left was a restaurant and to my right was a souvenir shop. and right in front of me was Nika, Qadence, and Azzi sitting down in a couple chairs. Me and Nika locked eyes almost immediately but I looked away without hesitation.

I sat down across from her and pulled out my phone while waiting for everyone to arrive. I don't know if it was very obvious (it was) but I went straight to Nika's Instagram so that I could look at her without looking at her.

My fingers scrolled across her page until I felt a tap on my shoulder. I quickly shoved my phone into my pockets while turning it off. I turned around to see Ines and KK standing behind me laughing.

I gave both of them a menacing stare, threatening them with my eyes. they ran off to grab drinks from the restaurant.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The aquarium was fun and so fucking pretty. My favorite was the seahorses and otters. My phone was now full of pictures. One thing that threw me off was the crabs, oh and the fact that the entire team couldn't stop giggling when I even glanced in Nika's direction.

Every time I looked at her I saw a nervous look wash over her. It was honestly funny the way she couldn't look at me for shit.

After around 30 minutes of looking around the aquarium I sat down at the restaurant tables and looked at the menu. The entire building was painted in teal and blue shades no matter was direction you looked in.

Just as I was going to read my order to who I thought was a waiter, Nika stood above me with a worried frown plastered on her face. I gave a small smile at her before she sat down at the table I was out. she sat right in front of me and stared into my eyes before speaking.

"Alright. Shit I'm doing this. Ok, listen I know that I just got broken up with and shit but I really need to ask you something serious. I need all your attention on me please"

Nika's words were laced with worry but I turned over the menu I was previously looking at and stared right back at her. Was this really happening?

"Jesus this isn't happening. Is it really that unnoticeable. I like you. No I don't like you I love you."

I could notice that she was starting to panic. I look around to see Azzi and Paige behind us with a phone recording everything that was happening. That's how I picked up that this was real.

"Yes Nika yes"

I said with urgency, not letting Nika finish her sentence. Boom. We started dating. I could feel my face heating up every second that passed. Nika's face stopped with the worry look and she began to smile. The corners of her mouth slightly dipped down showing her more shy smile.

"Thank Fucking God."

#nika muhl #lesbian #basketball #uconn wbb #uconhuskies #girlblogger #say no #paige bueckers

[vylithscat]

their colognes and smells - obey me! hcs

prompt: you’ve spent your time around demons, angels and even a human sorcerer so often that you've begun picking up the smells that signal they're nearby. genre: general, slight fluff, you/your pronouns pairings: bros, dateables (minus luke) & sides word count: 1.5k

Lucifer doesn’t pile on his cologne, he prefers a lighter one with faint traces of citrus and cedarwood. As long as the scent will get you clinging to his side and commenting on it, he’ll try it once. His chest puffs out slightly each time you do, a smile tugging on his lips as he mumbles a thank you. When he isn’t going out, and your face is buried into the crook of his neck as he works, you can pick up traces of the ink he uses and a faint hint of rose and lilac. It’s almost dizzying how well everything gently mixes together, and it helps you drift to sleep in his lap before he carries you to his bed.

_____

Mammon’s cologne is the heaviest of anyone around you. You can tell when he’s approaching, and when he’s found his way next to you. He often prefers smells that are pleasing to you; warm and an after scent of spices like nutmeg and cinnamon. It compliments him well and doesn’t hurt your nostrils. Despite how much he piles on, when it finally begins to dwindle and you stuff your face into his hair, you can smell Grimm. It’s subtle, carefully acknowledging how much of his time is spent around the currency. The metal doesn’t burn, and the paper smell of it is all the more subtle, but you can still smell what he’s around the most, besides you.

_____

Leviathan never really wears cologne. He finds it stupid and a waste of his time, adding some random scent to yourself. If you like it, he won’t care, but he’ll snip a comment about his brother’s cologne from time to time, especially if they pile it on and burn his nose. Since he doesn’t wear any, the only thing you can smell when you’re laying with him is shampoo. A gentle mix of hibiscus and mint greets your nose when you rest your head near the demon, the scent grows a slight bit stronger if you mess with his hair and his chirp of embarrassment sends a smile across your face.

_____

Satan doesn’t care much about cologne and sticks to the same one if he likes its fragrance. The only time he’ll try something new is if you hum over a different bottle’s scent. It’s applied sparingly but you can tell when he’s around. He often prefers earthy, woody scents that carefully compliment each other. When it’s faint and the two of you are together, carefully wrapped up in blankets, you can smell his books and their papers gently wafting off of him. It was like waves, carefully cascading over you and helping you feel at peace as you nuzzled deeper into the blankets, stirring the demon next to you with a soft groan.

_____

Asmodeus prefers perfume over the smell of cologne. The smell is more intense and concentrated, and has more pleasing scents to him. He prefers the floral scents, as they’re more common, but won’t hesitate to try something new or even lend you one if your interest is piqued. When he isn’t wearing anything, which is rather rare, he smells like a freshly run bath, the smell of eucalyptus relaxing your body as if you stepped into a spa. A faint trace of rose petals will often compliment it, the smells mixing together perfectly to help lure you to sleep.

_____

Beelzebub rarely ever puts on cologne. He doesn’t mind it, but it’s not his thing in the slightest, but he doesn’t need it. When you’re walking, you can tell when he's soon to follow. A light trace of meats follows him anywhere. Anything he eats will often be picked up by him, and it will all carefully compliment each other throughout the day until he ends up falling asleep. Even as he sleeps, a new day of foods and sweets follows him, mixing to make the most delicious smelling meal you could think of.

_____

Belphegor doesn’t wear cologne. Doesn’t care for it, never has. However, he doesn’t need to care about adding a scent onto him, as he always smells like fresh linen, a gentle trace of freshly cut grass and morning dew following. The smell is the strongest at his waist and hair, and if you were to bury your face in to pick up more of it, you would hear a soft giggle escape the demon’s lips before he tried to hold onto you. The smell helps you feel at ease and will make you sleepy, even more so if he curls himself around you.

_____

Diavolo wears a lot of cologne, it overpowers those around him but its scent is lovely. It’s the scent of amberwood, carefully brushing against you when he comes up to greet you. When it finally dims, and the scent is faint, you can smell a mix of ink, tea and demonus. On some days, the ink and tea is stronger, and freshly out of a party, all you can smell is demonus. When all together, they come at you in waves, none too strong, but not too subtle. You know he was hard at work when ink hits you first, the scent stronger than anything else.

_____

Barbatos wears colognes that are heavy but refreshing when he passes by. He prefers those that smell like citrus and fruit, his favorite is a careful blend of apple, lemon and plum with a gentle amount of floral following it. When it becomes faint, it compliments the teas he owns that he picks as he goes about his day. The occasional day where he’s in the kitchen, cooking his heart out, his cologne manages to mix together perfectly with his food, especially those of the sweeter kind. When you’re able to huddle close to him, every scent will fill your mind and make you forget what you were doing for a second, until he coaxes you to a seat to serve you, even for a brief moment.

_____

Simeon wears his cologne very sparingly. His preferred type smells the most like sage and rosewood, and it compliments the smell of bread that often follows him. Considering where he lives, it’s not much of a surprise he smells like food. Although bread is the strongest, focusing in and nuzzling your face into his side brings out the sweeter, gentler scents. He may smell like a freshly baked pie or a cupcake depending on the day, but they all manage to mix together into the perfect combination.

_____

Solomon has been through a dozen different colognes throughout his life, and he’s managed to settle on one that’s gentle on those around him. Its strongest scents are cucumber and camelia, carefully mixing together to compliment each other. When it dims and you’re curled up studying with him, he smells like a different mix of woods, almost like you had stepped into a forest. In the morning, if you stayed with him overnight, you can often smell coffee and caramel wafting off him. The woods are still there, making you bury your face into his shoulder to mix everything together into the perfect cabin getaway.

_____

Raphael’s cologne is another of the lighter scents. He doesn’t pile it on, which makes it hard to pick up the amber and citrus from him, but if you’re able to get close enough, it’ll all mix together nicely. Coming by to visit him at night will greet you with a gentle lavender scent, if he’s freshly out of the shower, it’s even stronger. Messing with his hair will have you hum as it rolls off a little stronger than before. He often gently grumbles and glances at you, asking if you’d like to see what he uses. Aside from his hair, it’s subtle on his shoulders and back, making it a little easier to catch the scent.

_____

Thirteen has never worn perfume or cologne, she finds putting it on a little stupid. The only way to convince her is during some big event, and even then, she may not agree. In general, she smells like a field of grass and flowers, almost like she had just walked through one. When you first met her though, she smelled like nothing. A faint trace of iron and sulfur floating around her, but not overpowering any earthy or rock smells from her cave. She’s always a dice roll on what she could smell like, day after day, you’re greeted with something new, but you always smell a subtle amount of grass when near her.

_____

Mephistopheles wears a heavy amount of cologne that it burns ever so slightly. His favorite smells strongly of oakmoss, cedarwood and musk, and it overpowers other smells around you when it’s fresh in the morning. As the day goes on, and his cologne is barely clinging on, when you get closer to him a trace of demonus brushes your nose and sends you looking back at him. He may snap at you when you stare for too long, but the prideful look on his face when you compliment his cologne sends a smile to your lips. The strongest scent of his cologne and the demonus can be found at his jaw and crook of his neck, but good luck getting that close out of nowhere.

#obey me #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #om! shall we date #obey me mc #obey me x reader #obey me brothers #obey me lucifer #obey me luci #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #obey me dateables #obey me diavolo #obey me dia #obey me barbatos #obey me barbie #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me raphael #obey me thirteen #obey me mephistopheles #obey me mephisto

[colormepurplex2]

In Memory of Him | It's Cold In Here

↳ Florist!Taehyung x Artist!f.Reader ⤜ Non-Idol, Late Husband's Best Friend ⤜ Rating: MA 🔞 ⤜ WC: 13,558 ⚠️ Mild language, death/loss of a loved one, deep depression, high anxiety, loads of guilt, hidden feelings, realizations, hurt feelings, repressed feelings, hurt/comfort

Next Chapter⇾ (coming soon!) ◅ Back to story masterlist

With trembling fingers, you smooth out the letter that you found attached to a bundle of flowers on your doorstep.

To the love of my life, For after the funeral Take a deep breath, baby, I know it’s not easy. Even as I sit and write this, I can feel your energy in the next room. You’re always such a worrier, I’m sorry I’ve added to that. It’ll all be better soon, I promise. But, I know you and I know that you’ll pull away, you’ll cut yourself off…and we can’t have that, now can we? You have to keep going if we’re to stay connected even after I’m gone.

So, here’s the first of a collection of some things that you can hold and look back on when the storm starts to roll in. There are only so many words in existence to describe what you mean to me. So, instead of words, I want you to remember these feelings: Warmth - like the sun on your face while you read a great book Satisfaction - the way you sigh softly after a good, lazy day in bed Contentment - waking up with a smile on your face every morning Peace - that moment of quiet before the rain starts, when the scent of petrichor filters in These are all the things you’ve brought into my life the last seven years. I’ve never been able to look at the sun, sleeping, smiles, or storms the same. Never did I imagine I’d meet and marry such a beautiful, kind-hearted soul with a genuinely unique outlook on life. I never had to be reminded to smile because it just came so naturally whenever you were around. You have brought so much light into my world and gave me the best years of my life. You also gave me Sujin, the perfect little replica of myself even if you think he looks more like you than me (I secretly agree, but that’s not something I’ll admit outloud). When I look at our wonderful son, I’m reminded of the beauty that first drew me to you all those years ago. Being his father is the second greatest achievement of my life, the first being making you fall madly in love with me…don’t laugh, you know it’s true. Many people see things in black and white, a beginning and an end…but our life isn’t like that. We’re full of color and everything in between. You’ve supported me at my best and have loved me at my worst. Everything good in my life is because of you. I know you’ll always love me, and I know it won’t be easy once I’m gone, but I need you to promise me you’ll continue to wake up with that smile on your face and never forget how the sun feels or how beautiful the quiet before the storm is. I need my light, my girl, to keep going. Be that guiding light so I know exactly where you are in the world as I watch over you and Sujin. We knew forever wasn’t guaranteed, that’s just the way life is, right? This doesn’t mean it’s over, not by a long shot. You still have so much more to give, so much more love to offer.  I know you’d never forget about me, that’s not what this letter is for—it’s not a reminder of me, it’s a reminder to live, love, and keep shining. There are more where this came from, Taehyung has them and knows what to do, but not until you’re ready for them. I love you so much, never stop living—for me, for Sujin…for you. Love forever, Your Yejun

The letter crumples in your fist, the bundle of hibiscus and lavender it was attached to forgotten on the step between your feet as you bury your face in the crook of your elbow and scream. It’s better that way—the symbolism of the hibiscus flower on a letter from Yejun is a punch to the gut when he’s no longer here. Eternity? Bullshit. The sound is muffled into the thick wool of your coat but no less filled with agony. As if the day wasn’t hard enough, everything went belly-up when you found the flowers and the letter on your door step. You choke on a breath of air as you try to control yourself.

“Yejun.” His name drips from your trembling lips, absorbed into your jacket sleeve like your cries. “I miss you so much. Why did you have to leave us?”

A hand on your shoulder makes you flinch, jerking away from the potential comfort, despite it being exactly what you need right now. You crowd against the wall, knees knocking into one another as you huddle in on yourself where you’re sitting in the stairwell outside your apartment door.

“Hey, hey, hey, come here,” a strong, soothing voice coos. Your limbs protest weakly for a moment, your heart raging with guilt at the prospect of finding solace in another man’s arms—even if that man is Taehyung, your now late husband's best friend—but the desperate need for someone to hold your pieces together wins out. You fear if you let yourself truly break, you’ll never be able to be made whole again. You frantically launch into those open arms, keening a wail into the solid chest between them. “Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

💔💔💔

Two years later

“Mommy, are we going to Uncle Tae’s house today?” Sujin asks from behind you, where he’s strapped into his booster seat.

You glance in the rearview mirror, angling yourself so you catch a glimpse of his smile as he stares out the window, patiently awaiting your answer. It’s gotten easier over the last two years to look at him without growing weepy. He looks like and reminds you so much of Yejun. They have the same chestnut-colored eyes and floppy midnight tresses. When he smiles, the tiny dimple on his left cheek is a near mirror to his father’s and something that your eyes seek out every time he flashes you a grin. Little pieces of his father that fill the gaps in your heart.

“Did you not want to stay at Grandma’s tonight? That’s what you said you wanted yesterday,” you remind him.

Sujin hums like he’s thinking hard about your question. “Well, I did want to go to Grandma’s, but I also want to see Uncle Tae, and plus, he always has good ice cream. All Grandma has is boring vanilla.”

“How about we see if Uncle Tae wants to hang out this weekend? I think Grandma would be sad if you decided not to stay with her tonight.”

In truth, you’d also be a bit disappointed if Sujin changed his mind. Being only four when his father passed, he doesn’t remember Yejun much, mostly knows him from photos and stories he’s heard. So, it’s not surprising he’s not able to put together that today is the second anniversary of his father’s passing. He doesn’t know that tonight isn’t just about your mom getting a visit. It’s also about you having an evening to grieve without being under your son's watchful and inquisitive eye.

Though maybe you’re wrong, perhaps he knows more than you think as he responds softly, “It’s okay, Mommy, I’ll stay with Grandma so you can go visit Daddy.”

If it wasn’t for tightening your grip on the steering wheel, you might have driven right off the highway. “You know what today is?” you ask hesitantly once your initial shock passes.

“Of course I do,” Sujin says with another smile, his dimple catching in the afternoon sunlight coming in through the car window. “I might not remember him, but I could never forget him.” It’s a wonder there aren’t more six-year-old poets, as what he just said is easily the most eloquent thing ever uttered by a child. Your heart swells, and you feel that telltale burn in the back of your nose and behind your eyes as you blink away the flood of emotions threatening to spill into the open.

You nod, taking a deep breath. “That’s right. He’d be so proud of you and how much you’ve grown.”

“He’d be proud of you, too, Mommy.”

It’s another blow, directly targeting the cracks already forming in your armor. Fissures zip and snap over the surface of the wall you’ve spent the last two years building. “Thank you, buddy. I love you,” you manage to get past the lump in your throat. 

The rest of the car ride home is spent with Sujin telling you about his day at school and how one of his classmates snuck a salamander into the classroom after recess. You hum, haw, and laugh as he recounts the way the class reacted to the discovery of the amphibian.

It makes you feel lighter, listening to his words and hearing the clear whimsy his heart possesses as the salamander suddenly becomes a dragon and Sujin, the fearless knight that saved the teacher—the damsel in distress—by scooping it up and putting it in an empty lunch box.

“She said since I was so brave and such a good helper that I could go outside with Mr. Kim, the science teacher, and help him release it back into the wild,” he proudly proclaims. “Did you know salamanders like water? Mr. Kim said they’re kind of like frogs even though they look more like lizards.” Sujin continues on, spouting off facts he learned about the salamander from his science teacher.

It’s a short drive from the school to your apartment. You’ve often thought about moving, using some of the life insurance money from Yejun to buy you and Sujin a lovely place outside the city. But, your mom lives just a floor up, and it’s been convenient having someone so close to look after Sujin when you need them, like tonight.

Having your mom close by, not just as a babysitter but also as an emotional support outlet, has been a blessing and far outweighs the other feelings—the seemingly endless void that now lingers in place of your late husband. With that, though, you can’t help looking at your small apartment as more like a preservation of memories. It was the first place you and Yejun moved into after getting married. It’s the place you both brought Sujin home to when he was born. It’s still filled with so many memories…you’re not sure you want to leave—at least, not yet.

The building has no elevator, just several winding flights of steps right up the middle. “Go on up to Grandma’s. I’ll stop by with dinner before I leave. Remember, homework first before you play.”

Sujin gives you a beaming smile and nods his head in understanding before vaulting up the stairs, his strong six-year-old legs carrying him far faster than your own. You watch him disappear up the stairs—the last flash of his face so reminiscent of Yejun racing up those very same steps the day you moved in—followed by the familiar sound of your mother’s voice drifting out over and down the stairwell as she welcomes him into her space—a safe space, away from the looming cloud of darkness over you.

Knowing he’s occupied and cared for, you allow your mask to slip just a little. The weight on your shoulders eases as you let the emotional fatigue roll in and replace your typically calm and collected demeanor. Even after two years, it’s not gotten any easier when this particular day comes. The holidays are hard, sure. There are plenty of days where you find yourself feeling like it’s too much…but nothing truly compares to this day. It’s not filled with happy memories the way those other days are. It’s nothing but darkness. There is a constant ache in your chest, which is amplified when the calendar turns over, and you find yourself once again reliving that fateful day all over again.

You spent nearly every waking hour sitting beside Yejun, the uncomfortable, stiff hospital chair becoming your permanent perch. The ventilator was always loud, but the punching swoosh grew to be comforting because you knew that meant he was still there. All the lines and tubes hooked up to him made it look like a scene from one of those sci-fi films he enjoyed making you watch with him. Yejun was so full of life when you first met, many years before. But, the image stuck in your mind—the one you can’t seem to get rid of—is of him with sallow cheeks and pale, greyish lips, drained of life.

It’s weird to think of watching someone die. But that’s precisely what you did over the six months Yejun was in the hospital. The disease moved quickly, the cancer stealing your husband away bit by bit, and you were powerless to stop it. That’s probably one of the worst parts, the helpless feeling that no matter what you do, you can’t prevent it from happening. No amount of prayer, begging, or screaming would change it. He’d still die, just the same. Day by day, the best parts of the man you loved vanished, and by the end—you feel guilty even thinking the thoughts, so you push them out of your head. 

After unlocking the door, you step into the quiet space of your apartment. Your shoes join the ones discarded by the door before you drop your purse on the small console table against the wall and make your way across the living room to the hall leading to the bedrooms. Sujin’s room is the first door. You peek inside to see that he had made up his bed before school this morning. You make a mental note to grab one of his chocolate popsicles from the freezer before dropping off dinner tonight. He deserves a little treat for being such a good kid.

The small single bathroom sits between Sujin’s room and the larger of the two bedrooms, the one you shared with Yejun for almost five years. You haven’t changed any of the decor. Everything is the same as it always has been, right down to the pillow on Yejun’s side of the bed. It took months before you mustered the courage to wash the pillow case and cried the entire time you stripped the pillow and plopped it in the washer.

The pillow was small fish compared to the closet. Going through all of Yejun’s clothes nearly took you out. Thankfully, Taehyung was there to help. You weren’t the only one that lost someone two years ago today. Taehyung and Yejun grew up together and worked together for the last dozen years, starting out as teens together at Taehyung’s parents' florist shop. They are—were—as close as brothers, and not just for the fact that Taehyung’s parents took Yejun in when his parents both passed, but because of their unbreakable bond—a bond nearly as strong as the one you had with Yejun.

Taehyung has been there for you whenever you’ve needed him since Yejun’s passing. All it takes is a phone call or a text message, and he drops everything for you. You try not to take advantage of it because you don’t want him sucked into your empty void any more than he already is. No grown man should be attached to a woman like that, especially when he has no obligation for it.

But, you must admit, it’s nice knowing he’s there…especially today. This is the one day of the year that you know you don’t have to text or call Taehyung for him to show up. His one promise to you. He’ll be there, waiting for you at the cemetery, just like he was last year.

You pull off your oversized t-shirt and worn jeans covered in splotches of paint from your time in the studio today. Once a well-known local artist, you haven’t been able to create anything worthwhile since Yejun passed. He would always joke about being your one true muse. It seems he wasn’t wrong. Everything you’ve been able to create in the last two years feels wrong, like it’s missing something.

The life insurance you received from Yejun has been more than enough to keep you and Sujin afloat. However, you feel like a failure having even to touch that money, even if it’s just to pay the bills. If you could just get your life together, you’d be able to provide for yourself and Sujin the way you once did—before everything happened. Shoving that line of thinking away, you focus on the here and now, just getting through the next handful of hours.

A quick shower later, and you’re dressed in a warm sweater and a clean pair of jeans with thick wool socks. It’s cold, winter having well and truly taken hold outside, but when the sun goes down, the bite from the wind grows more bitter. Grabbing the large, lidded bowl of beef stew you had cooking in the slow cooker all day. You wrap it in a dish towel to keep from burning your hands on the hot sides, snag a popsicle for Sujin, and make the short trip upstairs to your mom’s place.

“Hey, sweetheart,” your mom greets you when she opens the door. She’s gotten a lot more grey in her hair in the last year or so. The steel-colored strands stand out against her temples, framing her strong but still soft face. You used to think she looked too austere, but then you realized that was just the permanent mark of motherhood and time.

“Hi, Mom. Did Sujin get his homework done?” You follow your mom in, shutting and locking the door behind you as she ambles into the kitchen on the other side of the living room. Her apartment is a near mirror of your own, her second bedroom set up for Sujin as well.

“He finished a bit ago and wanted to break out the paints. Was nattering on about some sort of lizard, I think. He wanted to try to paint it,” she explains, putting the tea kettle on without needing to ask. Peppermint tea with a dollop of honey can fix even the worst of woes in her eyes. She’ll insist you have some just as she has any other time she can feel your darkness crowding in. You’ve grown to appreciate your mother's intuition, both for yourself and your son's sake.

“There was an incident involving a student bringing in a salamander at school, it seems. Sujin helped the teacher and was allowed to go out with Namjoon—Mr. Kim—to release it.” You recall the conversation in the car, your mother chuckling softly when you tell her about the salamander turning into a dragon.

She busies herself, packing the tea steeper with her own blend of mint tea. Tending the small garden of herbs and spices that she keeps on the fire escape off the living room, is how she spends most of her days since she retired a few years ago. Even in winter, she keeps a small plastic greenhouse over them, opening it just enough to care for them each day. “So, you’re on a first-name basis with that science teacher now?” she asks. You can tell she’s lightly probing, trying to figure out if there is anything more between you and ‘Mr. Kim’.

“I met him at the beginning of the year when we had parent-teacher meetings. He insisted I call him Namjoon, that’s all, Mom.”

Humming, she grabs the kettle just before it begins to whistle. “Still, he’s nice?” she asks, casting you a glance over her shoulder.

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth, wishing she’d not try to go down this path of questioning. You know she means well, but you’re just…you’re not ready to think about those things.

“He’s nice enough, Mom, I guess. It was just a slip of the tongue. I’m used to greeting him at drop-off in the mornings. It’s not—I don’t, it’s just being cordial, y’know? I’m not ready…” you trail off, hoping your mom picks up on what you’re trying to say so you don’t actually have to say it; not today.

Her free hand goes to her mouth, covering her frown. “Oh, sweetheart, I didn’t mean—you know I’d never, not like that. I’m sorry. Forgive an old fool for her loose words.”

“It’s okay, Mom, really,” you offer with a tight smile as you set the stew on the counter and pop the popsicle you brought for Sujin in the freezer.

She sets down the tea, the cup slightly trembling on the tiny saucer she serves it on. “I made some pajeon to go with the stew. It’s warming in the oven. Are you going to stay for dinner?” she asks, seeing that you need to move on from the previous subject.

You settle on one of the chairs at her small dining table, pick up the tiny teacup, and blow across the surface before taking a tentative sip. The mint is a cooling contrast to the heat of the liquid, coating your throat with a soothing sensation. The blooming sweetness of the honey lingers on your tongue, helping combat the intense punch of the minty flavor. It’s comforting. Reminds you of home.

“I’m not all that hungry. You and Sujin enjoy it. You’re sure you’re okay taking him to school tomorrow?” She gives you a fond smile and nods. “I’ll pick him up on my way home and we’ll come have dinner.”

“That’s fine, sweetheart.”

You finish off the tea, suppressing a grimace as it goes down a little too warm and nearly scalds your throat. The sun will be completely down soon, and you’d like to get to the cemetery before it’s too dark out. “I should get going. Just going to say hi to him real quick.”

Your mom watches you stand. Her eyes are hyper-focused on your face. “Okay, sweetheart,” she says slowly. It’s clear she wants to say more, but you’re glad she doesn’t push.

The room your mom has set up for Sujin has a small bed pushed into one corner, leaving the rest of the space for him to play—unlike his room at your place, which has a writing desk and dresser taking up the majority of the play space. He’s never complained, though, choosing to get creative with the small room he does have. “Hey, buddy, Grandma said you’re painting. Can I see?”

You lean on the door jamb, peering into the room. The easel Sujin is using is angled away from the door. All you can see is smears of bright color peeking around the edge of the canvas.

His bright eyes meet yours as he grins extra wide. “It’s not done yet, but of course you can see it.”

Stepping in and around the easel frame, you take in the canvas covered in paint. When your mom said he was going to paint the salamander, you knew there was a possibility of said ‘lizard’ being portrayed as a dragon as it was in Sujin’s story in the car. But what you didn’t expect were the characters surrounding the dragon. You count them, six in total. The brunette woman at the top of the castle tower is clearly Sujin’s teacher, Mrs. Min. Sujin himself is astride the dragon, and who you think is Namjoon stands in a corner near some trees, his large-frame glasses are what lead you to believe that’s who it is. The other three characters are where you’re a bit lost.

“Who are these people?” you ask, gesturing to the other feminine figure framed by two men; one with unruly black hair and the other with small angel wings extending from his shoulders. It dawns on you the moment you ask.

“That’s you, Daddy, and Uncle Tae, of course,” Sujin proudly states. “You were in the tower with Mrs. Min. I’m rescuing her, and Uncle Tae is rescuing you while Daddy guides him.”

You’re not sure what to say. But you can’t help looking at your son in a different light. He’s only six, but in moments like this, you feel like his soul is older and wiser than yours. “It’s lovely,” you finally say, because it truly is, and everything else you could say would definitely start the waterworks, and there will be enough of that later. “I’ll be back tomorrow to get you. Be good for Grandma. There’s a treat for you in the freezer, but only after dinner, okay?” You feel like you’re running away—and maybe you are, but the darkness creeps in just a little bit further the more you look at his painting.

“Yes, ma’am,” Sujin beams at you sweetly. He lifts his chin, angling a cheek in your direction for a kiss. You plant one there, throwing an arm around his back for a quick squeeze, too. “Love you, Mommy.”

“Love you, too, buddy,” you murmur, shoving down the suffocating feeling bubbling in your chest—just need to make it a few more hours.

💔💔💔

The cemetery is about an hour's drive from your place in the city. Yejun grew up in the countryside, and the columbarium where he’s interred is at the cemetery closest to his and Taehyung’s childhood home. It’s a quiet drive, a typical Tuesday evening if it were any other week. You don’t even bother with music, haven’t in the last two years, preferring to just soak in the quiet and try to center yourself.

As you pull into the parking area outside the gate to the grounds, you spot Taehyung’s black SUV. He’s standing beside it, leaning against the driver's side door with his chin tipped down below the line of the thick scarf wrapped around his neck. Your headlights swing across his vehicle, illuminating him in the process as you park.

You take your time climbing out of your car, casting fleeting glances in his direction while you gather your courage and resolve. He’s wearing a thick grey-colored tweed coat that covers him to the knees, and khaki slacks lead down to shiny brown loafers. His hair is windswept, the fluffy waves moving across his forehead with every gust of chilly air.

“Hey,” you say as you swing open your door and step out. He catches your eye over the roof of your car and gives you a soft smile.

“Good evening. Drive okay?”

You nod. “Not too much traffic, which is always nice.”

“You should have let me come and pick you up.” It’s the same thing he said last year, to which you decline politely just the same as well.

“Thanks, but I enjoy the drive. Gives me time to think.”

His eyes flick over you, taking you in from head to toe. There is understanding clear on his face. “Shall we?” He gestures toward the entrance gate. You notice a small bundle of flowers held in his other hand that’s hanging by his side. “Oh, this is for you.” It surprises you when Taehyung offers you the flowers, having thought he was bringing them to leave in Yejun’s vase.

You take the offered cluster, automatically bringing it to your nose and giving it a delicate sniff. It’s hard to smell the fragrance in the cold, but as you peer down at the flowers and take in the deep purple and soft pink, the scent of lavender and hibiscus filters through as if on a memory. It’s a combination that reminds you painfully of Yejun, as this was always his go-to whenever he would bring you home flowers from the shop after work.

“Thank y—“ your polite words cut off as you hear the distinct crackle of paper as you shift the bundle of flowers between your hands. “What’s this?” you ask, holding the flowers up until you see the small envelope attached to the hemp string holding the bunch together.

“A note,” Taehyung responds slowly as if he’s trying to decide if that’s all he’ll say. “Perhaps wait until we’re settled to read it?”

You finger the crisp fold of parchment, wondering. “Okay, yeah,” you agree, chalking it up to most likely being a grievance note from Taehyung, and it might be awkward for you to read it right now in front of him.

The cemetery typically closes at sundown, but Taehyung has access as the gardener. When he and Yejun took over Taehyung’s parents' floral shop, they expanded the business to include landscaping for local companies and establishments. The cemetery is one such establishment they took on. He produces a key from his pocket, unlocking the small pedestrian gate that must have been locked up not too long ago, judging by the sun barely having dipped below the horizon.

“Moojin left about ten minutes before you pulled up,” Taehyung explains casually, confirming the thought you just had. “It’ll just be us, so we can take as much time as we need.”

Maybe you should feel bad that Taehyung gives you preferential treatment and access to the cemetery after hours, but it’s hard to care about that when other, darker feelings have you clutched so tightly. The walk to the columbarium is relatively short, being one of the newer buildings erected within the grounds just some twenty years ago or so.

“The trees are doing well, even in the winter,” you note, nodding toward the row of young pines along the fence line. It was one of the last projects Yejun worked on with Taehyung before he became ill.

“He’d be able to tell you all the properties of the tree that make it sustainable during this time of the year,” Taehyung responds, his voice carrying notes of sadness. Yejun doesn’t come up much in conversation between the two of you, most things not needing to be said, merely understood without a spoken word. So, it’s surprising and endearing to actually hear Taehyung talk about him, especially now.

You smile, knowing he’s right. “With enough scientific jargon to make you go cross-eyed trying to keep up, too.”

That earns you a soft laugh from Taehyung. “And he wouldn’t even realize it until you’re so lost you can’t even pretend to have understood.”

“I miss that,” you whisper with a sigh, your warm breath misting lightly in the cold.

Taehyung slips his arm through yours, hooking his elbow around the crook of your arm. “Me, too.”

💔💔💔

Taehyung

It’s never easy, watching the way you suffer through your emotions. Taehyung knows you try to hide them, and sometimes you’re successful. But others…like right now, he can read you as clear as a bright spring sky. Only instead of pastel blues, pinks, and yellows, you’re a stark monochrome of Pantone grey. Just as clear, but decidedly less alive. He hates it. Knowing just how vibrant of a person you once were. When Yejun left your life, so, too, did the color, it seems. Leeched away with the slow death of your husband. It’s a cruel fate, Taehyung has decided, and it’s one you never deserved. Yejun also knew this. He saw this in the way you mourned at his bedside, even before he was gone. It’s why Yejun made Taehyung promise to take care of you, to never let you forget how to smile.

As more time passes, Taehyung isn’t sure whether or not he’s done a good job by Yejun’s request. Not when the dark circles around your eyes seem to get more permanent every time Taehyung sees you. It’s why he brought the letter—the next letter. He’s curious if you remember the first one, the one that came the day of Yejun’s funeral; the one that had you crawling into Taehyung’s arms for the first time, seeking the comfort you knew was there.

That’s happened a few times in the two years since Yejun now. Any time you begin to fray at the edges and unravel a bit too quickly, Taehyung’s been there, weaving you back together the best he can. It might not be pretty, but a patchwork quilt is better than shredded rags, he likes to think. He hopes, at least.

“Are you warm enough?” Taehyung asks, realizing your arm is trembling around his. The jacket you’re wearing is far too thin, meant more for warding off spring rain showers than winter chills. Your lips are formed into a thin, bloodless line as if you’re trying to keep your teeth from chattering, and your brow is pinched.

The lift of your shoulder is subtle, dismissive and nonchalant. “I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not. Here,” Taehyung insists, pulling you to a halt on the walking path. “Take this.” He shrugs out of his jacket, draping it over the thinner trench you’re wearing over your sweater. You instantly relax, a soft sigh misting the air in front of your mouth.

“Thank you. I forget how cold it gets out here at night,” you mumble, encouraging Taehyung to continue walking toward the entrance to the columbarium, where Yejun’s memorial awaits. “Are you sure you’ll be okay without it?” Your eyes are round and glassy when you look up at him, the moonlight overhead reflecting in their depths.

The thick sweater Taehyung has on paired with his wool scarf is enough to stave off the wintery bite, but what warms him the most is seeing your eyes flash with a brief flicker of life when you snuggle into the depths of his jacket, bringing the tweed collar up around your neck after he assures you he’s fine without it.

Your feet shuffle, your stride slowing as you approach the columbarium. Taehyung can feel your hesitancy. The air around you is suffocating and full of static, something Taehyung wants desperately to help dispel.

“Come on. Together.” Taehyung offers you his hand, splaying his fingers wide in invitation. You lick your lips, eyes flicking between Taehyung’s face and his offered hand. Finally, you sag a little and slip your fingers in between his.

Your hand is soft and delicate in his. Taehyung has always admired your ability as an artist, being able to take your hands and a simple tool like a paintbrush and create something profound and breathtaking. Some might argue that what Taehyung does is also a form of art, but he swears it’s nothing compared to the pure magic you create. He’s found himself under your spell more than once, entranced by your art.

Even the works you’ve created in the last two years, the things you keep hidden away in your studio, are still quite beautiful—if more haunted. Taehyung knows you’re not selling any art and you haven’t hosted a gallery night in almost three years now. The few times he’s been inside your studio since Yejun, you’ve indulged his curiosity and let him look at the things you’ve worked on.

Taehyung cherishes those private moments you allow him within your space. He uses them as a time to reflect on what life has brought to you and to him. You have a shared experience of losing someone, but it’s clear you’re both working through your pain differently. Your studio, once a bright and vibrant space filled with inspiration and captured moments of love, is now more of a tomb, silent and full of the whisper of death.

Taehyung eases open the door to the columbarium. The motion-activated lights within flicker on and fill the space with a soft yellow glow. It’s better than the typical fluorescent white lights they used to use. Taehyung thinks the bright, sterile lighting is far too reminiscent of a morgue or hospital, not exactly places people should be reminded of when coming to visit their dead loved ones. So, he suggested the change when he took over doing the gardening for the cemetery.

Yejun’s niche is towards the back of the space, near the bottom. You separate yourself from Taehyung, letting the bundle of flowers droop upside down in your hand as you step lightly across the floor. You look like a specter, gliding across holy ground in search of what’s keeping you tied to this plane of existence. In many ways, Taehyung thinks that’s precisely what is happening with you. You’re suspended in time, stuck in a limbo of heartache.

In the two years since Yejun, you haven’t been able to move on, even though that’s exactly what Yejun wanted you to do. Yejun never wanted you to mourn him for long. He told Taehyung there was far too much love for you to give, and you had a heart big enough to love someone else while still holding true to Yejun. What Yejun failed to realize, Taehyung thinks, is that without Yejun, you didn’t want to love again.

Taehyung holds back a few steps, giving you some time to have a private moment as you kneel down in front of Yejun’s niche. The placard covering the niche is engraved with his name, birth and death dates, and a small metal frame that holds a glass engraved likeness of Yejun. It pains Taehyung to see the smiling face and crinkled eyes behind his wireframed glasses. Yejun was his brother in all ways, except for being born to the same parents. That didn’t matter to them, though—still doesn’t matter to Taehyung. They love—loved—each other just as fiercely as if they had been.

“Yejun,” you whimper his name, pressing a hand to the placard, head hanging low. Taehyung watches your shoulders shake with silent sobs, and he can’t take it anymore. He moves across the space and kneels down beside you, ignoring the cold that instantly leeches through the knees of his trousers. Before he can think better of it, he has his arms around you, trying to hold you together…trying to keep your seams from unraveling too fast.

Taehyung coos softly, murmuring as many words of encouragement and solace as can work past his quivering lips, “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s going to be okay. I promise. He loved you so fiercely. I miss him, too. I’m here for you. Shh, it’s going to be okay.” Over and over again, Taehyung repeats it like a mantra until your sniffles subside, and you slump into his arms, feebly returning his embrace.

Feeling your arms around him is a comfort, one that helps him keep his own tears in check. “Thank you for being here,” you sniff before burying your face in his scarf and inhaling deeply.

“I’m always going to be here for you,” Taehyung offers, smoothing a hand over your hair in what he hopes is a soothing fashion. He watched Yejun console you enough times to have a good idea of what might help. After Sujin was born, you battled postpartum depression for a while, and Taehyung helped wherever he could, giving him those brief glimpses into your emotional turmoil. Yejun always petted your hair and let you ground yourself in his embrace. He never even had to say a word; just let you draw on his strength. So, Taehyung has always tried to emulate that for you whenever you’ve needed him.

You sigh, and Taehyung reluctantly lets you pull away to sit back on your heels. “I’m such a mess. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Taehyung says, capturing the side of your face in one of his hands. You sway on your knees; big, round, red-rimmed eyes locked onto his. “Never apologize to me. You’re human, not a mess. Okay?”

“Okay,” you whisper, lips barely moving. You slowly turn, sitting with your back against Yejun’s niche.

“Okay,” Taehyung repeats, and settles in beside you. He barely notices the cold this time as it seeps through the seat of his pants. There are far too many fierce emotions rolling through him to be bothered by the chill.

“Is it okay if I read this now?” you ask after several moments of shared silence.

Taehyung looks over at you, fingering the small envelope attached to the bundle of fresh flowers he brought. He swallows past the thick knot in his throat, worried about you reading it but knowing you need to. Perhaps it’ll be best read when he’s around and not in the solitude of your apartment where you could fall apart without someone there to catch you; Taehyung knows Sujin is staying at your mother’s tonight.

He clears his throat. “Uh, sure, yeah.”

“They really are beautiful,” you say, voice so soft it barely carries to Taehyung. You admire the flowers for a moment, and the anxiety Taehyung had earlier in the shop when he was wrapping them goes away. He was worried that he got the flowers wrong. He knew Yejun always brought you fresh flowers, different types for different occasions. Yejun was all about the spiritual and emotional meaning of flowers, something that Taehyung hardly paid any mind to until after.

Finally, you tug the end of the string that attaches the envelope to the flowers, and you set them to the side. The flap is tucked into the envelope, so you slide it out and remove the tri-folded parchment from within. It looks the same as it did the day Yejun gave it to Taehyung a few weeks before he died. It’s the same as all the other letters waiting in a box under Taehyung’s bed—waiting for the right moment, waiting for you.

“If you need a moment—” Taehyung begins to say, but you hold up a hand to silence him. Slowly, you unfold the paper and smooth it over your thighs. Your eyes flick over the paper, snatching on random words until they hit the name signed at the bottom.

“What is this?” you whisper, yet your voice cuts like steel. “Is this a cruel joke?” You hold the paper up for Taehyung to see. At the top, it reads ‘For if you haven’t moved on’. Taehyung can understand why you might think so.

“N-no. It’s…there’s…” Taehyung pauses and takes a deep breath before trying again. “It’s not a joke. It’s from Yejun.” The look of hurt that ghosts across your face brings a prickling heat behind Taehyung's eyes, and he has to blink them several times to hold his emotions at bay as he explains. “The letter I gave you after the funeral?” He waits until you give him a subtle nod. “This is another he gave me…along with many others.”

“Many others?” you ask, incredulity seeping into your tone.

“He wanted to leave you something, something more than just your memories and heartache. So, he spent a few weeks, before he got bad, writing letters to you. He gave them to me and made me promise I’d give them to you when the time was right. This one—” Taehyung nods toward the letter held between your fingers “—was one I wasn’t sure if I’d have to give you or not. It was one Yejun specifically said to only give you if…well, if you hadn’t started living life again.”

“Hadn’t started living life again?” You balk at that, rearing back from him with an angry look pinching your face.

Taehyung feels like he’s botching this, not explaining it properly to you or something. “Just, just please read it.” Taehyung has no idea what the letter says. He never wanted to invade Yejun’s and your privacy. He’s hoping, though, that maybe the letter might hold some key information to help you understand…to help ease your anger in a way that Taehyung’s words can’t seem to.

You stare at Taehyung for a moment, and he’s certain you’re about to spit in his face and leave him sitting here alone. But, you finally shake your head and sigh, settling back into place and focusing on the paper. Taehyung is sorely tempted to try and read over your shoulder, but he doesn’t want to further your ire. So, he slides a few inches away, opening up a wide, cold gap between the two of you…and waits.

💔💔💔

To the love of my life,   For if you haven’t moved on Hi, baby. I hope this is a letter Tae never has to give you, but if you’re reading this, then that means we’re not doing so well. I say ‘we’, because I’m still there with you. Just like I promised in my other letter. I told Tae to use his discretion on whether to ever give you this or not. He knows you nearly as well as I do, so I trust him. So, if you ever read this, know he doesn’t mean any harm by it…I don’t mean any harm by it. But, baby, you gotta start living again. At this point, I don’t know how much time will have passed since I had to go away, but I do know you can’t let much more time pass. I need you to live, my love. Live for me, live for Sujin…live for yourself. No more standing by while the world continues to spin, you have to spin with it, baby, let it carry you away, and on to better days. Please. Find something that makes you laugh, find something that makes you smile…even if it’s a someone. I know you’ll always love me. There is no doubt about that. But, don’t let that love stop you from living. Let someone in, let someone help…love again, for me. Show the world that it can’t tear you down. Go on a date, go skydiving, go to one of those fancy art galleries in Italy you used to fantasize about…just go, baby. Go and do, and be free. Don’t be afraid…please, don’t be afraid to live. Love forever, Your Yejun

The memory of the other letter, albeit a bit fuzzy, drifts through your mind as you sit and try to come to terms with how you feel at this moment. You absently trace the neat scrawl of Yejun’s handwriting covering the page. Don’t be afraid. Are you afraid? Is that it? You’ve never thought of it like that, in terms of being afraid to live. But, if you think about it, you suppose that’s the root of it. You are afraid. Afraid of moving on. What if you do find happiness? What if you do find someone else? Yejun is clear that he’s confident you’ll never forget him, but what if you do?

You don’t want to be sitting somewhere thirty years from now, with your head thrown back, laughing at the joke from some other guy, with Yejun having not crossed your mind in years. It’s not that you don’t want to be happy. You just…you don’t know.

Taehyung is sitting so quietly beside you that if you closed your eyes, you’d think you were alone. Guilt pricks against your heart at how badly you first reacted, the harsh tone and words you lashed at Taehyung where he didn’t deserve it. You clear your throat, drawing the flicker of Taehyung’s eyes in your direction.

“I’m sorry, Tae. I really am. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” The words are thick on your tongue as you work through the emotions threatening to obliterate your existence. You think you might cry, but give yourself an imaginary pat on the back when you manage to maintain eye contact with Taehyung while successfully blinking back the tears.

Taehyung is quiet for a moment, a muscle in his jaw working, flexing the dark stubble you can see shadowing along his jawline. It’s in this moment that you feel like you see Taehyung in a new light, with added clarity. He looks haggard, tired. You didn’t notice it before, the sunken circles around his eyes or the lack of a clean shave…until now. It’s not fair, you realize, that he has taken care of you so much the last two years when you haven’t even so much as bothered to check on how he is doing.

You’re just about to break the silence with another feeble apology when he smiles, it’s faint, but it’s there. “You don’t need to apologize to me. Yejun and I might have shared a different kind of bond than what you two had, but I have at least an inkling of the keen sting you’re feeling, the one that never quite goes away no matter what you do.” He brings a hand up and presses it to the center of his chest. “The one that slices a little deeper after the sun goes down and everyone else has gone about their lives.”

Chilled goosebumps pop up along your arms, despite the warmth from the added layer of Taehyung’s jacket. That is exactly what it feels like, a lingering sting that won’t go away, one that grows when you’re alone.

You lick your trembling lips, tearing your gaze away from his and focusing back on the letter clutched in your hand. “Yejun,” you whisper. “He—he wants…he wants me to move on.” A soft sob catches in your throat. “But, I can’t do that. How can I do that?”

Your shoulders heave as the emotions you were able to hold at bay before come crashing through the walls you managed to put up. It’s not like the weeping from earlier. That was simply the quiet cries of a mourning wife. This is bone-deep, soul-rending agony that shakes your entire body.

Taehyung pulls you into his arms, and you press your face into the cushioning of his scarf and scream. The sound is muffled, but you can still hear it echoing through the columbarium when all the air finally empties from your lungs. You try to replenish the air, sucking in stilted breaths, but it’s not enough. Panic ensues, your heart launching into a heavy, staccato rhythm as if trying to pound right out of your chest.

“Hey, hey,” Taehyung soothes. “Slow down. Try to breathe slowly.” He pulls you firmly into his lap. You’re heedless to the intimate position your body falls into with your knees on either side of his hips. All you care about is getting air into your lungs. Taehyung holds you by the face, angling yours so you look up into his worried eyes. “Come on, slow. In…out…like that, come on, another one. In and then out.” He breathes with you, exaggerating the way he inhales air through his nose and pushes it back out through his mouth.

His warm breath puffs across your face with each exhale, carrying with it the faintest sharp tinge of mint and the earthy tones of tea. Something that instantly makes you think of home. It helps bring you back to reality, slowing your rampaging heart, and subsiding your shuddering cries.

“I can’t do it,” you mumble.

“You can. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

“No, no. You don’t—I can’t. It’s…it’s cold in here,” you whisper, pressing a trembling hand over your heart. “No one wants that.”

A soft, sad smile forms on Taehyung’s face as he continues to stare down at you. “Good thing that I know a thing or two about keeping things warm.” He drops his hands from your face and grabs the lapels of his jacket that’s still draped over your shoulders and gives it a tug, pulling it tighter around you. You can’t help but smile, even if it’s a watery one.

“What would I do without you?” you ask, not expecting Taehyung to answer.

“You’d make it.” He sounds so sure. “I know you would, you’d do it. But, I am glad to be here, to help however I can.”

Taehyung doesn’t urge you off of his lap, just allows you to rest there with your cheek pressed over his softly beating heart, finding whatever comfort you can from the proximity of another source of warmth. His words linger there, filling the space between you with a comfortability that you know you’ll never find anywhere else. You don’t say anything else, as there isn’t much else to say. At least, not words you think you could say out loud. Not here, not now.

But, an hour later, as you’re driving home, you decide to try. So, you do something you haven’t done in a while and turn on the radio, letting the music fill the silence from before. It’s a small step, but a step nonetheless; the first of—you hope—many.

The next morning, with the light of a new day spilling through the gap between your bedroom curtains, you decide you feel…good. As you lay in bed last night, full of revelations about how you’re going to start making steps toward Yejun’s desire for you to be happy again, worry began to set in. Worry over whether or not you can do this. Now, though, you feel decidedly different—light, in a way—as you push back the blankets and climb out of bed.

With your mom having taken Sujin to school this morning, it afforded you some time to sleep in, which is something you haven’t done in years. You weren’t sure you were going to, considering how poorly you’ve been sleeping the last couple of years. It feels nice, stretching your arms over your head and not feeling as groggy for once.

There is one thing you want to do before heading to the studio, where you know you’ll probably just piddle around until it’s time to pick up Sujin, but it’s just baby steps for now. It’s not lost on you that your work, the art you create, no matter if you manage to move on or not, might still be something that you’re never able to recover. Yejun wasn’t far off when he joked about being your one true muse, but you try to remain hopeful that you can surprise yourself.

The box in the back of the closet is exactly where you left it almost two years ago. It holds some of your most treasured possessions. Things you’ve held on to dating back as far as your teen years and as recent as two years ago. You kneel in the bottom of your closet and slide the box out from behind the stack of empty shoe boxes you can’t seem to toss out.

It’s a bit faded, the blue exterior, once a brilliant navy, is now more denim in color. You’ve had the box since you were a child, given to you by your father the summer before he split from your mom. That really hurt your family, when he cut himself out of the picture without so much as an apology; he ran off with another woman. It was so hard for you to believe in love after that.

Lifting the small silvered latch, you ease open the box lid and sigh as your eyes land on the folded paper nestled on top. Yejun’s first letter. It’s the last thing you put in this box. The paper still feels crisp in your fingers as you delicately pluck it out and unfold it. You worry at your bottom lip a moment before letting your eyes devour the same words you read once before.

This time, they don’t hurt nearly as much. You still feel that piercing ache, but it’s accompanied by another, fresher feeling—one of hope. What stands out the most, now, though, is the confirmation that there are other letters waiting for you. Yejun says as much himself in this letter, you just hadn’t ever put the dots together, too distracted in your grief.

There are endless possibilities for what those other letters might be for. But, what’s clear is that you won't get another one until you do something to deserve it. Knowing Yejun, you have a few ideas of what those things might be. There is a thrill but also a sense of trepidation as you think about that. You want to move on and be happy again, and in doing so, you know you’ll get the other letters, but there’s also that sense of overwhelming dread.

Where do you begin?

You spent most of your day rearranging and organizing supplies at the studio. But, now that the sun is beyond its zenith and casting longer shadows across your paint-marked studio floor, you feel like you’ve done nothing but waste time. You still haven’t decided where to begin with Yejun’s letters and you’re no closer to coming up with an idea for your next project either.

With frustration coloring your thoughts, you lock up and welcome the reprieve of going and picking Sujin up from school. That’s one part of your life that you do know up from down with.

As you pull through the pick up line, you don’t see Sujin anywhere out front. You spot Mrs. Min ushering a few students to their cars, her friendly face sporting a smile as she does so. Her eye catches yours and she holds up a hand, rushing over to your passenger side window.

“Hi!” she says when you roll it down. “So glad I caught you before you waited too long. Sujin volunteered to help Mr. Kim with his terrarium and it’s taking a bit longer than expected. He should be out in the next fifteen minutes or so, feel free to park in the teacher’s lot or you can wait here if you’d like.”

“Mrs. Min!” a rambunctious gaggle of students call her name, requesting her assistance.

She gives you an apologetic look. “Sorry, duty calls. He shouldn’t be too long!” she calls over her shoulder as she jogs towards the cluster of students beckoning her over. One of the kids has what appears to be a large diorama that they’re having a hard time carrying to their car, even with the assistance of their friends.

“Well, great,” you mumble to yourself, checking your rearview mirror and seeing a long line of cars waiting behind you.

Pulling ahead, you slip around the side of the school and pull into one of the empty teacher spots and cut the engine. You haven’t been inside the school since the parent-teacher meeting at the beginning of the year, so it wouldn’t hurt if you went inside now, it would give you a chance to peek into Sujin’s classrooms and see what he’s been up to. If it’s one thing he loves, it’s learning.

Mr. Kim and Mrs. Min have adjoining classrooms at the end of the hall for Sujin’s grade, a storage and supply closet connecting the two rooms. The door to Mrs. Min’s room is closed but the light is still on inside. You take a quick peek through the view window on the door and see colorful drawings and paper projects hanging on the wall, books scattered across a few tables, and a large container of art supplies opened on her desk. She teaches English, Reading, Art, and History while Namjoon covers Math and Science. 

The gym teacher, Mr. Jeon, startles you as he breezes through the double doors at the end of the hall that lead out to the playground. “Oh, hey! Sujin, your mom is here!” he calls, stepping back and propping the door open with the heel of his sneaker.

“Mom!” you hear Sujin’s voice sound from through the open door. “You gotta come see this!”

Mr. Jeon holds the door open for you, his face lit with a pleasant smile. “A future scientist, I’d bet,” Mr. Jeon stage-whispers as you pass him and that makes your own smile blossom further.

“What’s going on, buddy?” you ask, taking in the scene before you.

Namjoon is crouched down beside Sujin, helping him sort through a collection of rocks spread out on a sheet of plastic. There are dozens of them, all various shapes and colors.

Sujin excitedly points out a few of the large rocks. “These would be perfect to create a hiding space!” he loudly proclaims before turning his bright eyes up to you. “Mr. Kim is letting me help him choose the rocks to go into the terrarium. We’re going to get our very own class salamander! Isn’t that cool, Mom? A class dragon!”

A soft chuckle comes from Namjoon as he pivots on his heels and squints up at you, the sun catching on the thick-framed glasses that are slipping down his nose. “We had so much fun yesterday talking about the salamander that was brought into Mrs. Min’s class that I couldn’t resist. I’ve had this old aquarium sitting in my garage for years, it just seems perfect.”

“Wow, yeah, that’s really cool.”

“Sorry for keeping him,” Namjoon suddenly stands, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking contrite. “I didn’t realize the bell had rung until Jungkook said something.” He turns to Sujin who is happily stacking a few of the smaller rocks into a pile. “I think that’s all for today, Sujin. We’ll finish it up tomorrow during class.”

Sujin frowns, his warm brown eyes flicking to Namjoon. “Okay,” he sighs.

“I tell you what, for all your hard work today, how about I let you be creative director during assembly tomorrow? Does that sound okay?”

The frown is quickly replaced with another excited smile. Sujin gives a whoop of delight and slaps his hands together before dusting them off. “Thank you, Mr. Kim, that sounds amazing!”

Seeing the interaction between Namjoon and Sujin gives you an idea, one that you hope you won’t regret. “Go grab your backpack, buddy, I’ll meet you outside Mrs. Min’s room in a second.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Sujin pulls open the door and scampers through, his sneakers squeaking on the tiled floor as he skips down the hall.

“Thank you for that, Namjoon, really. He was so excited about what happened yesterday and now this? He’s been wanting a turtle for a year now, so this will be a good test on whether or not we should get one.”

Namjoon pulls one of his hands out of his pocket and grips the back of his neck as he smiles shyly, his cheeks pinking slightly. “He’s a great kid, loves to learn. Though, turtles are a bit more needy than salamanders. It would also depend on the type of turtle. The standard box turtles are…” Namjoon trails off, his brow pinching as he throws furtive glances your way. “Sorry, you didn’t ask for a science lesson.”

That makes you laugh, which seems to ease the awkward tension in Namjoon. “Sujin isn’t the only one that likes learning.” You don’t intend the words to sound flirty, but they come out that way and you can distinctly tell that Namjoon keys into that.

“Yeah?” he asks, the shyness leeching away by the second.

“Um, yeah. Er, well, I should—” you jerk your thumb over your shoulder toward the door “—Sujin is probably waiting.” 

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Namjoon sidesteps over the plastic sheet of rocks and fumbles with the door handle before yanking it open. “Have a good—”

“Are you free Friday night?” you blurt, wincing at the rudeness of interrupting him but knowing if you don’t ask now then you’ll lose your nerve.

“Friday?” he parrots back, eyes wide behind his glasses.

Panic slices through and you immediately want to take it back. “Sorry, that was—I didn’t, it’s not appropriate is it? I’m so sor—”

“I’m free,” he states, the words silencing your backpedaling.

“Oh.” Now that he’s confirmed, you’re not sure what else to say. It’s been so long since you’ve done this.

“Is there something you wanted to do?” Namjoon asks hesitantly, clearly picking up on your trepidation.

You swallow around the choking feeling in your throat, the one that’s ingrained with the idea that you’re still married and still madly in love with another man and this is akin to cheating. “Maybe dinner? Or a late coffee? Um, or…I’m sorry, it’s been so long since I’ve done this.”

Namjoon gives you an easy smile. “Dinner sounds great. Let’s say, seven?”

“Seven is good. How about that new pizza place that opened up near the park, do you know the one?”

“I’ve had my eye on that place for weeks! That sounds perfect.”

Are you really going on a date…with Sujin’s Science teacher? “Okay,” you say, chewing the inside of your cheek as you take a few steps down the hall. “Great.”

“Great,” Namjoon confirms with a smile, his deep dimples making an appearance. “See you then.”

All you can do is nod, not trusting yourself with any more words with the influx of emotions now swirling through you. Sujin bursts through Mrs. Min’s door, his backpack and lunchbox in tow.

“Let’s go!” he trumpets, thrusting his free hand into the air in a fist. “I’ve got some homework to do before I can work on my diagram for the terrarium!”

Namjoon’s soft chuckle carries to you from down the hall as you usher Sujin towards the exit. You can’t help casting one last glance behind you, taking in the way he’s lazily leaning against the doorframe of his classroom. He’s quite handsome, there’s no arguing that.

A giddy feeling adds itself to the uncertain emotions rolling through you. A fluttering in your tummy that you haven’t felt in over seven years. You can’t help but wonder, as you load Sujin into the car, if this is really what Yejun wants for you or are you making a mistake?

💔💔💔

Taehyung

It’s a weird sensation when you expect to feel one emotion but end up feeling another. That’s what Taehyung thinks anyway, as he reads the text message he received from you for the dozenth time. You have a date. With Namjoon.

Taehyung has never met the quirky Science teacher, but he’s heard plenty of stories about him from Sujin. Charming, educated, and completely and utterly perfect for you. And that should make Taehyung happy. Yet, all he can feel is mild annoyance when he thinks about Namjoon sitting across from you at a dinner table making you laugh and smile.

He wants to chalk it up to being overprotective in a brotherly sort of way, but Taehyung knows better. It’s no secret—well maybe it is to you—that Taehyung cares for you deeply. Even before Yejun, Taehyung always had a soft spot for his best friend’s wife. Something that he drunkenly confessed to Yejun once a few years ago. Yejun took it goodnaturedly, something that Taehyung still thinks about to this day, and simply told Taehyung he understood the attraction because hell, who could blame him?

They never talked about it again, until the day Yejun asked Taehyung to take care of you and Sujin—the day he was given a box of letters addressed to you. Yejun had given Taehyung a knowing smile and said something along the lines of fate knowing and that’s why Taehyung already had so much love for you.

He wasn’t sure, at first, if Yejun had ever shared Taehyung’s little secret with you. But, as time went on, it was clear that he hadn’t. That, or, so lost in your grief, you’ve been keenly uninterested in that prospect. But, now, you’re going on a date and Taehyung doesn’t know how to feel about it.

The twinge of jealousy in his chest doesn’t sit right with him. He has no right to feel this way. It’s just something that he can’t seem to shake, hasn’t been able to since you told him about it two days ago. So, instead of expressing that, he forces himself to try and share in your joy.

That’s great. Let me know when you’re home, I have something for you.

A letter perhaps??

Your eager reply makes him smile despite himself. If anything, that helps his mood to improve. The ‘first date’ letter is already sitting on his counter, waiting.

Perhaps. Now stop texting me and go have fun.

There is no reply to that. So, Taehyung waits patiently, phone in hand. Hours pass in a mindless, sluggish way. He’s far too wound up to do anything productive but also has nervous energy that needs to be released. So, Taehyung spends the four hours it takes for you to finally respond by squeaking out haphazard notes on the alto saxophone he’s taken to trying to learn to play.

His phone lights up where it sits on the coffee table and he nearly drops the instrument in his haste to snatch up the device.

I’m home.

That’s all it says and it makes Taehyung frown. Not that he expected you to tell him how the date went over text message, but he was anticipating something more than just those two words. He is startled to realize just how late it is, though, being past eleven already.

Is it too late? I can always just swing by tomorrow.

Sujin is staying with mom. It’s not too late.

Taehyung is contemplating his reply when another text from you pops up that makes him drop everything else and grab his car keys, not caring it’ll be close to midnight by the time he pulls up outside your apartment. It was a knee-jerk reaction to also grab the letter that was sitting beside his keys, but now he’s thinking about whether or not it’s a good idea.

Those thoughts quickly fade as he focuses on the road, intent on reaching your apartment in record time. His phone sits on the passenger seat, still open to your text thread, the single word might as well be an alarm blaring to Taehyung, urging him on faster.

Please.

💔💔💔

As soon as you send the last text message you want to take it back. Not only do you feel whiny, but you know Taehyung will drop everything and come over which makes you feel terrible and like you’re using him.

But, fuck. The date was so horrible all you want to do is crawl into familiar, comforting arms and cry yourself to sleep. You’re about to pour your third glass of wine when there is a sudden knock on the door, followed by it swinging open. Taehyung stands there with your spare key in his hand, eyes wide with concern.

“Are you okay?” he asks, breathless as he clearly sprinted up the stairs to get here and now you feel infinitely worse for it.

You shake your head which earns you a pained sound from Taehyung but you hold up your hand, silencing him. “I’m not shaking my head no as in no I’m not fine, it’s more a I’m such a fool head shake. I’m sorry, Tae. I’m fine. I shouldn’t have said anything, I just—”

“I’m glad you said something. What happened? Do I need to go pay a certain science teacher a visit?” For all his bravado, you know he wouldn’t hesitate if you said yes.

“No, no. It’s not his fault. Well, not entirely. Look, I’m sorry you drove all the way over here.” You discard the empty wine glass in favor of taking a large glug directly from the bottle.

“Hey, hey,” Taehyung says, deftly taking the bottle from your hands before you have the chance to take a second gulp from it. “Stop apologizing and tell me what’s wrong.”

“It was a fucking disaster.”

If Taehyung is surprised by your cussing, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he stills beside you, brow slowly pinching and forming deep furrows between them. “Did he hurt you?” he whispers, but his tone is cold and hard. “I’ll kill him.”

“What? What, oh no, Tae, no. He didn’t hurt me, god no.” You sigh, propping your hip against the lip of the counter and wrapping your arms around your middle. “He was lovely, actually. I was the disaster. Or maybe we were. I don’t know, it was just a terrible night. A terrible idea.”

“Talk to me about it,” Taehyung encourages, his hands landing lightly on your shoulders to steer you toward the couch in the living room.

So, you spend the next hour recounting all the horrid details for him. Everything from the way Namjoon wouldn’t stop talking about rocks and mineralized dirt to the way he tried to kiss you at the end of the night only for you to duck and him to lose his balance, effectively making him face plant into the brick wall of your apartment building.

“See, it was a terrible idea,” you lament, letting out a frustrated sigh.

Taehyung hums softly. “It doesn’t sound like a complete disaster to me. Namjoon was polite, even if he did nothing but talk about his own interests. Did you try changing the subject, or did he ask about you and you gave a dismissive answer?” You give Taehyung an annoyed look. “I’m just saying, you have the tendency to avoid things like that. So, it’s only meant as a means to try and understand. Maybe it can be better next time.”

“There won’t be a next time.” You throw up your hands in defeat. “He said he had a lovely time, but I could see it plain on his face, he was just trying to be nice. He left with a bloody napkin pressed against his mouth for crying out loud!”

“Well, maybe he really—”

“But, most of all,” you continue, speaking over Taehyung, “I didn’t have a good time. I don’t want to do it again. It didn’t make me happy.”

That seems to subdue Taehyung. “Oh,” he says, nodding slowly. “Well, okay, that’s different.”

“I’m broken, defective.”

Taehyung scoffs, giving you a withering look a moment before dragging you into his arms, squeezing you tightly. “You’re not defective. You’re human. All this proves is that maybe the science teacher isn’t the guy for you. Simply just a lack of…chemistry.”

You can’t help but laugh at his bad joke. “You’re terrible,” you say in a lighter tone, meant to tease more than chastise. “But, you’re right, I guess. I just…this was the first date I’ve been on in a long time and it all went so horribly. It’s hard not to think that I somehow messed up, that I’m just…not right, just broken, y’know?” Taehyung’s eyes are soft as you look up at him, trying hard not to let yourself grow too accustomed to the comforting feel of his arms around your shoulders.

“You are perfect, most certainly not broken,” he whispers. You watch from beneath your lashes as a small crease etches across his forehead and you can tell he’s warring with himself over something before he slowly presses a soft kiss against the side of your head. “You just have to give yourself grace. I’m proud of you.” As he says that last part, he gently pulls back, hands resting on your shoulders. His right hand trails down your arm and you feel the soft caress of paper against the back of your hand. “Yejun would be proud of you, too, taking as big of a step as you have, I just know it.”

The envelope is small, but you instantly recognize the shape and feel of the paper. It’s just like the one you got earlier this week—like the one from two years ago. “Should I wait to read it?” you ask, not really expecting an answer.

“I’ll leave if you’d like some privacy.”

And in that moment you realize that’s the last thing you want. “No, please stay. Umm, that is, unless you have something to do.” It’s after midnight, the sour twist of jealousy rears as you think of everything that could possibly take Taehyung away at this hour. You tamp it down, knowing you have no right to keep him here, regardless. “I’m okay, I promise.”

Taehyung’s lip twitches as you wait for him to answer. He shakes his head. “No, I have nothing else to do. I can’t promise I won’t end up crashing on your couch, though,” he says, stifling a yawn in his elbow before lacing his fingers behind his head and stretching out. “I’m here as long as you need me.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch and spreading it out over Taehyung’s legs before curling up on the opposite end of the couch. Taehyung shifts around the blanket with his feet, making sure the other end covers your legs as well.

“Don’t have to thank me,” he sighs sleepily. “I just want to make you happy.”

You’re not sure if he misspoke, because surely he meant only that he wants to see you happy. Because, as it is, him saying he wants to make you happy…well, that does something funny to you. Though, you can probably blame that on the terrible date with Namjoon or the half a bottle of wine you drank. Either way, you can’t help but smile as you look at Taehyung laying on the other end of your couch, eyes closed, and chest rising and falling with deep, even breathing.

You take a moment, running back over the date with Namjoon in your head, fingers idly moving along the edge of the envelope. It started out so nicely, Namjoon standing outside your apartment with a bouquet of flowers. They made your nose itch and your eyes water a bit from how overly fragrant they were—clearly some mass grown clippings from a supermarket—but you smiled anyway, appreciating the gesture.

Dinner was lovely, the new restaurant proving to be worth the drive and money spent. It’s perhaps your own fault for thinking Namjoon might pay for the meal and it didn’t hurt you any to pay for your own, but it felt oddly…impersonal? Less like a date and more like a business meeting or something. You’re not too old to be naive in the sense that women are just as capable of paying for dinner as men, as well as the fact that men shouldn’t hold the complete burden of expense on dates. It’s just…it was unusual and he didn’t even bring it up, simply told the waiter to split the check before it was brought.

It’s not helped by the fact that Namjoon wouldn’t stop talking about work or soil deposits. And perhaps Taehyung was at least half right in the fact that you didn’t put forth a lot of effort to change the subject, but the way you see it, if Namjoon was interested in knowing about you, he would have asked. Though, is that expecting too much? Are you being too harsh? Maybe you’re projecting and Namjoon really wasn’t that bad.

Before you can continue to spiral any further, you force your thoughts to the letter in your hand. Hoping it’ll put your ill heart at ease, you extract the folded parchment and smooth it out.

To the love of my life,             For after your first date Hi, baby. First, I want to say that I love you. Second, I hope he at least made you smile. If he didn’t bring you flowers or even those cheap ones from the supermarket, don’t think too much of it. I’ll let you in on a little guy secret, not all of us are well versed on flora and even less so on women. Even if it didn’t go so well, though I hope it did, you can’t give up. Go on another date, with the same person or someone else, you just can’t stop now. Take as many adventures as you can, do something spontaneous. You never did take that dance class you wanted to a few years ago. Paint, travel, explore the world. Take Sujin to places we never got to go. Just don’t stop, keep turning, even if it’s slowly. I’m so proud of you, you know? No matter what, I know you’re going to be okay. You’re going to make it. I can’t wait to see all you do. You’re going to be wonderful. You’re amazing, keep shining, baby. I love you so much. Forever With You, Your Yejun

Tucking the letter against your heart, you snuggle down in the couch, mind racing. You feel lighter somehow, like Yejun’s words have given you far more affirmation than you thought possible. The terrible date doesn’t seem so disastrous now.

“You okay?”

You startle at the soft question, thinking Taehyung was fast asleep. His eyes are barely cracked open, peering at you over his bent, blanket-covered knees.

“Mm, yeah. I think so,” you say after clearing your throat.

“Good…good,” Taehyung murmurs, his eyes falling shut once more.

“Hey, Tae?”

“Hmm?” His eyebrows raise but he doesn’t open his eyes. You take a moment to truly see him, the soft light from the stand lamp on the other side of the room illuminating him in profile. The soft curve of his cheek, the delicate slope of his nose, and the pouty bow of his lips aren’t new features, but you’re not sure you’ve ever truly paid attention to how breathtakingly handsome he is.

“Will you help me?”

Taehyung’s lips twitch as a mild frown turns down his lips. “Help you?”

“With whatever comes next.”

“Whatever you need, I’m yours,” he mumbles, a soft smile replacing his frown. You watch him for a moment longer, his lips going even softer as the smile fades with sleep. His chest rises and falls, your eyes tracking the motion in the dim lighting until you feel the pull of sleep yourself. Taehyung is the last thing you see before you close your eyes, and for the first time in over two years, you sleep peacefully; with a subtle warmth blooming in your chest where once there was only cold.

Next Chapter⇾ (coming soon!) ◅ Back to story masterlist  

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[xiamentshoneypot]

“no grave can hold my body down I’ll crawl home to her”

Angst no happy ending

Warnings(death)(just utter sadness)

ꨄ

Everything had gone wrong, wrong wrong wrong. Nobody knew where to start from the bad intel to the breaking news that would rock not only the entire team of 141 as a whole but their families. Simon was a man who didn’t have much of a heart to hear beating but joined the military with sorrow and he would leave with it too.

As he lay there everything falling before him, he’d heard stories of people seeing their lives flash in the face of death as a lookbook of sin and glory.

The smile that spread across his chapped, thin lips, too far gone to see the way prices head bowed as his eyes glazed over.

He remembered the day of glory no day ever would amount in comparison.

The air was peached and refreshing, the men standing behind him that had grown as he had through the parts of his life that mattered now.

The beautiful scenery that surrounds them, the ocean dark blue but shinning as the moon scattered across its horizon, the breeze chilling but not cold the anticipation building in his guts.

The men and everyone outside stood to their feet as the music plays the familiar tune. Here comes the bride. It was amazing the he stood unmasked in the night unfazed and comfortable.

Unmasked he was, he had released himself from the shouldering worry of enemies he had let ghost go this was just Simon Riley. A soft chuckle and a thought…..

His wife, his beautiful beloved wife. The beautiful hibiscus bundled in her hands the lace vail blowing down the front of her face the tears cascading down his face were a sight when the music had ended and he’d had his hands in yours.

The pastors voice drowned out by the captured gaze between him and his bride a warm cough, from said pastor signaling it was time for vows to be exchanged taking the diamond ring that was everything she’d ever want to her finger after repeating the pastors vows he gave some of his own.

“I vow that when death takes my hand

I’ll hold you with the other and promise to find you in every lifetime I breathe in

I vow to never let you fret, cry or be scared as long as I am on earth

I vow to understand, please and thank you for accepting my deepest love till death fights me down

I love you”

He’d done his very best to life up to that, and he had succeeded no matter how far or near he was he made sure to call or send a message in some way to let you know he was still here and loving you.

It wasn’t very long before the weight on his body got a little heavier, he remembered the second greatest day of his life.

“Guess what!” His newlywed wife asked

“Wha’” the gruff man responded a wide smile on his thinner lip, with her simple ask his eyes were closed and his hands were out and open.

A delicate picture frame had appeared in his hands it was there wedding photo blown up and framed in a white wooden frame.

“It gorgeous hon’” was all he could say it took the breath from him. Thinking about that day still felt like a dream but having the proof in his hands was spectacular.

“What’s wrong?”

“Um… I got a call from John there a mission that he wants me on I know that after we got married I said I’d retire and I will be he needs me this will be the last one I promise love”

And He’d later go on to get the photo tattooed on the whole of his back as a mural for you by him.

He knew he was dying not when he heard his yelling caption asking him to hold on just a little longer, soap calling for him to keep his eyes open nor the evac arrive airlifting him to a hospital.

It was when he couldn’t hear your voice anymore, when your face got blurry when he tried his damn hardest to see it he knew it was over.

But he needed to make good on his word, he had to get back to you to say a goodbye weakly raising with wired hands the monitors ringing away.

Not that he could tell the difference between them or the ringing in his ears price jumping up to try and settle him. “Riley lay down you’re going to make it worse.” He firmly but yet scared told him man.

Shaking his had left to right “call er” he rasped out “call er now I need my wife!” Death was going to take him yes but it wasn’t going to take his last moment from his wife.

You don’t know how you got to the hospital but you did just in time charging your way past anything, breathing only with your gotten spotty vision jumping to his side and his arms.

“This isn’t My choice hon but I hope I did well being your love but please find another” it would kill him again to watch you from beyond drowning in sorrow.

“I don’t want them I want you” you tired you hardest to not break down to make him feel like he did anything wrong.

He didn’t this was all out of either of your control.

“You have me you’ll be the only one to have me.”

There it was the weight was much too heavy to fight and he had a light heart hold his loved hands in one death on his chest.

He laughs at the thought he had all those years ago

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