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#what the fuck is this anymore anyway
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2.12 Chimney Begins - 2.09 Hen Begins - 2.16 Bobby Begins Again - 7.04 Buck, Bothered and Bewildered
Tommy's family arc
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bakubunny · 6 months
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a good girl, a better idea
pairing: bakugo katsuki & kirishima eijiro x f!reader
wc: 2.3k
a/n: thanks so much for 1k. to celebrate, you all asked for dilf!kiribaku x reader, submitted by @callm3senpaii.
tags: daddy!bkg; dilf!bkg; dilf!kiri; f!reader; daddy as title; age gaps (10-15 yrs); threesomes; too many pet names: princess, sweetheart, angel, baby, babygirl, babydoll, sweet girl, pretty girl, good girl; praise; spitroast; oral sex; face fucking; double penetration; anal sex; crying; creampies; unprotected sex; reader’s got a full bush
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Katsuki had you on his lap. He looked sharp as hell with a fitted black turtleneck you’d insisted on him wearing just for you and a silver streak in his hair. You sat on one leg while he had his arm around you, his other hand on your bare thigh; he insisted you’d sit with him because tonight was all about you and you deserved your “throne” as he put it.
To celebrate your biggest work promotion yet, Katsuki threw you a dinner party with a mixture of your close friends and his. Joy filled the air as everyone ate and drank their fill before sprawling into the living room where you all were now.
Throughout the night, one familiar pair of crimson eyes followed you along with Katsuki’s. Ones that spoke with him in hushed tones when you were across the room, but otherwise held his infectious smile that captivated those around him. It felt a little strange, the way he made your face and thighs so warm with a playful glance, but there was no denying the flush of your cheeks.
Eijiro may have been almost thirteen years older than you, but just like your older husband, he’d aged well. Katsuki aged more like fine wine while Eijiro had grown a little rougher around the edges, his body a little softer but just as bulky and strong as ever. His laugh lines and sunspots were far more prominent and his long, shaggy red hair - now pulled back neatly into a bun - suited him well.
Unsurprisingly, Katsuki only gripped your thigh a little tighter and rubbed the small of your back when he’d noticed Eijiro staring, when he saw your blush. Maybe it was the level of trust the two friends carried, but Eijiro was the only person whose lingering gaze was not met with possessiveness and jealousy. Sure, he didn’t do much about it now in his forties as a well-known hero - a mere glance from Katsuki was enough to make anyone back off of you - but that part of him never truly faded from when he was younger. The benefits still reaped themselves for you both, though; one unreturned, heated glance from a stranger often ended with Katsuki balls deep in your cunt as he pulled your hair, with groaning and possessive kisses as he told you who you belonged to over and over….
The night dwindled down. As was his nature, Eijiro offered to help clean up once everyone had left. Chairs were pushed in, tables wiped down, dishes washed, the list went on. But as the dishwasher ran, Katsuki trapped you against the kitchen counter. He lifted your chin, admiring your face as he stroked your cheek before leaning in. Eijiro ran the vacuum in the next room as he kissed you.
You tried to pull away with someone else still in the house, but Katsuki leaned in further and deepened the kiss, a hand traveling down over your body. He lifted you onto the counter and pushed his hips between your legs as your dress slid up. Lips trailed down your jaw to your ear, down the length of your neck, and you gasped.
“Babe, stop.”
Katsuki grunted and pulled himself closer to you. His lips formed a smirk against your skin as he continued kissing and nibbling, sucking at every well known sensitive place at the crook of your neck. Your fingers tightened around the soft undercut at the nape of his neck.
“Kats, seriously,” you said, fighting a whimper in your throat.
“‘S not what ya called me last night,” he quipped.
A smile pulled at your lips and you sighed, but didn’t give him the courtesy of a response. The vacuum turned off, and you heard Eijiro approach the kitchen. You caught his gaze trailing up your legs and body with a grin; Katsuki was either oblivious or flat out ignoring him as he approached the entryway, Eijiro’s eyes locked on yours. You pushed at Katsuki to no avail, his mouth now trailing to the other side of your neck.
“Katsuki, stop.” Your breath caught as he reached a tender spot and heat rushed to your core.
“Mmm nope. Dunno who that is,” he teased.
“Eijiro’s right there,” you said.
“Then use your damn manners and ask me nicely,” Katsuki said as he groped you, dress riding up to your ass.
Heat flooded your cheeks. You leaned into Katsuki’s ear. “Daddy, please stop,” you said quietly.
“I could, maybe…” he replied. Katsuki glanced at Eijiro whose smile only grew. “But I think I have a better idea.”
₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊
Katsuki held you in his arms, kissing and sucking marks into the side of your neck, your legs spread wide as Eijiro’s lips trailed the inside of your thigh.
“Been thinkin’ about these soft thighs all night,” Eijiro said. His fingertips dug into your flesh as Katsuki’s hands wandered your stomach and chest, groping your tits.
Eijiro groaned when he reached your cunt and pushed his face into you, inhaling the scent of the soft, curled hair before his tongue licked a stripe through the slick want between your legs. You moaned and gripped his hair when he latched onto your clit, sucking and licking the swollen bud as your hips bucked into his mouth. He slipped two fingers into your folds and curled them as he started pumping, his tongue running over your clit as waves of pleasure fell on your body. Your head fell back onto Katsuki’s shoulder with a pant.
Katsuki’s lips brushed the shell of your ear. “That feel good, princess? You like it when daddy’s friend touches you?”
“Yes, fuck yes,” you whined.
“Good. You deserve it, pretty girl. Been workin’ hard. I’m so proud of you,” Katsuki said, playing with your nipples between his fingers. “Gonna take our cocks so well, I know it. Wanna see you cry and shake when we fuck you.”
His gruff voice rolled down your body and into your belly like warm honey as he continued praising you until your body trembled.
“That’s it, babydoll. Let yourself go. ‘M right here,” he said.
“Ah, fuck, gonna c-cum-” You moaned as your hips bucked and your toes curled, the perfect way Eijiro fingered your cunt pulling you over the edge.
Eijiro moaned in return as he carried you through. “Such a good girl,” he said.
“You ready to take my cock now?” Katsuki said.
Still hazy, you crawled out of his arms and onto your hands and knees on the bed. “Please.”
Katsuki got behind you with a grin.
“That’s my girl,” he said. He gave your ass a playful smack as he ran his long, thick cock along your still tender folds.
Eijiro kneeled in front of you, a mesmerizing sight as he stroked his dick, somehow having more girth than Katsuki though not as long. There was no way his cock was getting down your throat, but that wouldn’t keep you from trying.
Katsuki pushed into you from behind and you groaned. He held you by the hips as he fucked you with long, hard thrusts. A heavy pant left your lips and your knees felt weak. Your eyes rolled as Katsuki adjusted the pace, his thick length dragging along your sweet spot. He pulled up your hips, fucking you even deeper as his balls clapped against your clit, hitting a tender spot near your cervix with every thrust, shockwaves of sensation shooting over every millimeter of your skin.
Just when your head started to drift off in pleasure, Eijiro grabbed your chin, his fingers rough against your skin. He smirked down at you. “Stay with me, sweetheart.”
He slapped his heavy dick on your face, staring down at you with his gorgeous, cocky grin. It was enough to make you shudder and whimper.
“Please, Eiji? Can I suck your cock?”
“I‘ll do you one better,” he said. “Open that pretty little mouth of yours, and let me do the work.”
You cursed and held back a whine, the mere suggestion making you clench and flutter with need. With your tongue out and your eyes on his, Eijiro fed you his cock, already wet and leaking precum as you panted. He took you by the head and pushed his hips forward, tentative in thrusting at first as your spit made his length slick. Your body grew hot, the sound of your cunt getting wetter filling the room.
You pushed Eijiro off for a moment. “Just fuck my face, I can take it.”
His toothy grin grew. “Hah. You’re too damn cute.”
You opened your mouth again, but there was no gentleness when he grabbed you this time, fingers gripping your hair as he fucked your face, hitting the back of your throat over and over. Your eyes watered and rolled as he did, drool building up around your lips and pushing onto your chin. You could hardly breathe, let alone moan as Katsuki chuckled behind you. He felt you clenching hard around his cock as you got used like a ragdoll from both ends.
“You love this, don’t you, babygirl?” Katsuki said. “Love being used up and full of cock. C’mon, sweet baby, make a mess for me. I know you need to.”
Your body trembled and grew tense again as your back arched and you orgasmed, the intensity almost too much as they fucked you. You pushed Eijiro away again, gasping for air as you groaned, collapsing into the bed. Katsuki laid behind you and Eijiro took the same cue, laying in front of you as your head slowly stopped spinning, the heat of their bodies a comfort while you came down.
“Doin such a good job, angel,” Katsuki said as he kissed his way across your shoulder. You felt his still hard, wet cock brushing your ass.
“You really are. And you’re so gorgeous when you cum like that,” Eijiro added, stroking his own aching dick. “I bet you got at least one more in you, though.”
“Tch. I know you got another one in you. Isn’t that that right?” Katsuki asked.
A weak whine left your lips. “M-maybe, yeah.”
“Good. Cause I know I’m not done,” Eijiro said.
Eijiro pulled you onto his chest and lined himself up with your swollen cunt as you spread your legs around his hips. You cried out as he pushed in unexpectedly; even after Katsuki fucked a second orgasm out of you, Eijiro’s girth still stung a little. Your fingers dug hard into his shoulders as he bottomed out, a cold sweat building on your neck.
“F-fuck, you could at least tell me.”
“Why? I know you can take it,” he teased.
He slowly fucked you as your body adjusted, another tense whine falling from your lips. Eijiro pulled you in for a kiss, every part of him burning hot and overwhelming as you moaned into his mouth, the gentleness of it easing you to relax further. Katsuki grabbed your hand and kissed it as he stroked his dick. The bed shifted as Katsuki pulled lube from your nightstand and got behind you. His slick fingers massaged your ass.
You panicked for a moment. “Kats, no, ‘s too much, I can’t-”
Katsuki leaned down and kissed your neck as he hushed you. “Baby, it’s okay. You’re okay. Gonna make you feel so good, I promise.”
He pushed two fingers into your tightly puckered hole, and you moaned as he gently stretched you out. Soon enough, you were grinding your ass into his hand, asking him for more as Eijiro fucked you.
“That’s my good girl. See? You’re doing just fine,” he said.
Katsuki pulled his hand from your ass and replaced it with the swollen, angry head of his dick. There was a collective groan as he pushed the head of his cock into your ass, sliding in slowly until his hips reached yours. Just the fullness of the two of them inside you, not moving, was enough to have your head spinning. Gently and without a word, Katsuki and Eijiro started fucking you, moans and panting bubbling out of you.
“Oh fuck, fuck, oh fuck-” You tried to form some kind of coherent response and failed.
“Feels good, sweetheart?” Eijiro asked. He groaned as you tightened around his cock again, nodding dumbly.
“Good.” Katsuki kissed your head.
“H-harder, please, fuck me harder,” you said breathlessly.
A moan ripped from your chest as they did, skin slapping on skin becoming audible. Heat pricked the corners of your eyes and you sobbed, waves of pleasure overwhelming your body as another climax built. You could hardly think when Eijiro reached down and rubbed your clit, his rough fingertips rubbing gentle circles into your skin.
“That’s it, take it. Wanna see you cum on our cocks,” he said.
Tears spilled down your cheeks as Katsuki lost himself in the tightnesses of your ass as he fucked you. He groaned. “Your ass is gonna make me cum, fuck. You want daddy’s cum, baby?”
“Please, daddy, n-need your cum, need you both s-so bad, fill me, please,” you pleaded.
Eijiro fucked you harder still, and your body shook again. Your vision went white as you came a third time, shuddering pleasure crashing down over your body. Eijiro groaned as the hard clench of your cunt pushed him over the edge, his cock throbbing inside you as hot cum painted your insides. Katsuki wasn’t far behind with a heavy grunt and a few sharp thrusts, filling your ass with wet heat.
Katsuki all but collapsed on top of you and Eijiro, the three of you sweaty and spent. After showering and crawling back into bed, you woke up the next morning enveloped in the heat of two familiar bodies.
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dear-ao3 · 7 months
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so my boyfriend is very into cologne and i have smelled a whole freaking lot of cologne because he usually asks me to smell them before he buys them and so i have this weird pocket of knowledge of mens cologne that i never use until im watching celebrity interviews as background noise and they inevitably answer the "what do you smell like" question and then i judge them heavily because they all say either fucking chanel blue or tom ford ombre leather or dior sauvage like. you are a millionaire. you can afford to not be basic thank you and goodnight.
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prettycoolducks · 2 years
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Fav father daughter duo ✨️❄️
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atthebell · 3 months
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@ everyone saying bagi doesn't consider cellbit her brother anymore/doesn't care about him.... how does it feel to completely misunderstand her character
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we-are-dogclan · 20 days
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Moon 71 - Calm
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Not much to say, but sometimes there doesn’t need to be.
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Killua and the Power of Wishes
Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.
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As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.
One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.
Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.
Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.
Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.
To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.
I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.
Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.
What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.
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[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]
This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.
When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.
Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.
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[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]
It's such an innocent, simple want.
And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.
In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:
Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."
Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)
Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."
And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!
So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.
10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.
Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.
It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.
Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).
"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"
The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.
Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?
Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.
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[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]
Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.
And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.
This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.
It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.
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[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]
I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.
However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.
Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.
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[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]
I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.
But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.
Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.
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[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]
Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?
Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.
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[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]
Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".
I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.
...holy shit, kid.
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[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]
And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(
What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.
In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.
Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.
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[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]
Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.
Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.
They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:
As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course
Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo
I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.
Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.
The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.
So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.
Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.
It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.
Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.
Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.
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[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]
Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.
Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.
Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.
And Alluka tears into him for it.
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[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]
You tell him, girl.
Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?
"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.
Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.
And neither should Killua.
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[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]
It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.
Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.
And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...
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[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]
...she doesn't even have to think about it.
I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.
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thekittyokat · 4 days
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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emblazons · 11 months
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It’s “realizing that Will’s struggle in S2 with being infected with a virus that spreads and will kill him quickly (but doctors don’t care) is a metaphor for how gay men were treated during the aids crisis” hours
—right alongside Mike (who comes from a family with a Reagan sign in their front yard + a mom who outwardly supported Margret Thatcher), who sat at his now confirmed gay best friend’s side the entire time he was sick and watched as people were willing to let him die because he was viewed as expendable……and now has an ongoing storyline where
1) his relationship with his girlfriend is falling apart because he doesn’t love her romantically
2) he’s staring longingly and pushing toward the freedom his gay best friend embodies for him, and
3) he cannot bring himself to tell anyone around him something because “what if they don’t like it” + dehumanize him for telling the secret truth he cannot bring himself to externalize, despite now knowing something that scares him about about himself:
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(Bonus points for the fact that the first time we see Mike push Will and himself toward a girl is after he watches how people were willing to let his gay best friend (and him, by extension) die should they not confirm to expectations)
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just learned that David Jenkins’ first show, People of Earth, aired for two seasons and was greenlit for a third, and he scripted the entire third season before the network changed its mind and cancelled it. That is fucking maddening actually.
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decolonize-the-left · 3 months
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Artists creating specifically to sell and trading off (some of) their own style to do it, activists begging for attention and shares and media coverage because they aren't being paid enough attention, UNWRA desperate for donations, the percentage of people who don't mask in 2024 compared to deaths and disabilities, ppl who need to be convinced to vote with principles that save lives and that genocide is unacceptable, how a living wage or UBI is believed to be "unrealistic" despite the trillions in shareholder investment accounts.
....I'm starting to think Mainstream People™ fucking suck, ngl. In fact, dare I say that Mainstream People are the biggest obstacle to progress now.
Malcolm X said it was the white liberal as did a lot of other revolutionaries and thinkers.
I, however, think anyone who can hold their own comfort over someone else's suffering is the problem.
Why are the rest of us constantly begging and shouting and changing ourselves and our bodies in an effort to make them care about us? To make them see us? To give us rights? To bless us with the support needed to make a living?
Same shit, different generations. And idk about y'all, but I would love to be the last generations who ever had to hate themselves to survive.
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lgbtiba · 6 months
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BBH stream report: Bad blacked out the screen for a minute or two making it seem like stream ended before it came back as he was drowning himself in that same spot he woke up in yesterday by Foolish's tower. He then walked to the shore that is directly facing the shark pixel art, broke a block of dirt and there is a nametag underground that is just barely visible. he then said "Hello, Dapper. How're you doing?" and then stream ended for real
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3-aem · 1 month
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im bored of animal crossing will be drawing gj again will be mental illness-ing once more.
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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unpretty · 1 year
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i swear to god i've literally made long posts of romance novel recommendations before, featuring book covers, which meant that:
the book was going to be about people falling in love. because that's the plot of romance novels. there might be other set dressings, like a murder or the reform act of 1867, but those are secondary to the main plot (some people don't want to kiss, but then they do, but they can't until they can) (this is an oversimplification but you get what i'm saying here)
the people who fall in love are most likely going to be on the cover, especially if they're marginalized because authors like to be clear about that kind of thing
and i still. STILL. on a post that was at least half diverse romance where various queer models of color were about to kiss on the covers. on a post where i mentioned the set dressing or any identities not immediately obvious from the covers, which were all pretty obvious. on a post that i mentioned was exclusively romance novels and were not going to be of interest to anyone who doesn't like kissin' books. got angry comments of:
but what is it about??????
i don't care about white people, this list is not for me
i don't care about straight people, this list is not for me
i don't have any money, where can i pirate these
some people have one standard accusatory response about every book they weren't planning to buy anyway and there is nothing, literally nothing, you can do to stop them from regurgitating it right up to and including telling them directly "this book is everything you say you want and also it's free right now"
... but at least the "is it gay" crowd tends to enthusiastically support your shit as soon as they find out the answer is "yes"
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youngpettyqueen · 2 months
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Julian's line of "I needed another womb for the baby, and the only two other people on board were Major Kira and me." is already very. That Man Is Trans. and listen yes you can interpret it as him saying Kira was the only choice, but then it's literally followed up by Sisko saying "I think you made the right choice, Doctor." which I know is supposed to be a joke but the implication IS there that there WAS a choice and basically Julian is trans
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