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littleprincessfawn · 27 days

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Broken Girl Journal - 1.4.24

Just spent the morning sitting at the toilet of my mum's bathroom retching and throwing up. Have asked if my ex could please come pick me up. She's agreed but he's not allowed in her house which is understandable. I'm just too ill from this leukemia medication. I hate that I wrecked myself so much for this holiday. And one brother only stayed a night and another didn't come up at all, if I'd had some help with my son it would have been doable. No one understands just how seriously sick I am.

(big sad angry rant under the cut)

My kid wants me to do a pool noodle fight with him in the backyard and I can't even stand up how the hell am I meant to do this. I want someone, I want a family, I want friends, I want people that will help me through this, I want people that will take care of my son while I'm too ill to. He keeps having to not do any of the things he wants because I'm too sick. It's not FAIR on him, he should get to have a pool noodle fight in the backyard. I wanted to have other kids. I wanted to have a partner.

I have to be everything and I can't and it's messed up. I just want someone to love me enough to love my son. To make my son a priority. To realize he is important and needs help.

I'm so sick, I feel absolutely awful. I just want to rest. My mum asked if my ex could help my son and he does but I don't want him in my life I don't want him as my only support and help, plus most of the time he just ignores him and plays games on his computer and my son still comes in to me because he wants human contact and I don't blame him.

I just want to be at home in my own bed. I just want these feelings of guilt over my son's wellbeing to stop.

Deep down... I feel angry. I'm so furious. I don't know who at, the world maybe, but really it should be at myself. I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't have a stepchild or another child. I have failed to build a family for my son. I have failed to be worthy of love and commitment. I see other people who have kids but still manage to find new life partners and be happy and I just feel this deep anguish and self-hatred because why do THEY deserve to be loved and begin a new life, when I'm left stuck in the wreckage of my old one. Why don't I deserve love? Why do I deserve to be in the situation I'm in, with a sex offender in my house, trading my sanity/safety for survival. Everything is disgusting and I hate myself so much. I hate how deficient I am.

I know I need to work on myself and improve myself. But I feel so sick. I just want to sleep and rest and treat my body gently while I fight this leukemia. I want to treat myself gently.

But I feel like I don't deserve gentleness or kindness. If I can't be loved then what's the point of even trying. I have so much strong love within me. And part of me is so broken, I'm starting to feel like no one deserves my love, I'm starting to hate the world, to hate people, to hate anyone who comes into my life and pretends they want me.

I hate that I have leukemia too. I'm full of hatred and pain. But I try to keep a cute exterior shell.

I could be so good, if I was given the right environment, if I was as lucky as others are. Other people just are loved for who they are. I hate myself for not being enough, or for being too much, or whatever it is. I hate myself for being unable to be loved.

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willboland · 1 year

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#tw cancer #theyre checking my mum for cancer on thursday which isnt great but we dont think its that #fingers crossed anyway #but my ex when i was 15/16 has just been diagnosed with leukaemia #and he starts chemo today #and we arent super close but were still in the same friend group and hes only 24 #its just a very weird time #im doing okay though

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duskoon · 2 years

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Yandere!Proteus IV(General) headcanons:

Tw: AFAB!reader, Trespassing to land on reader’s part, Yandere themes, Disturbing themes, Obsessive behaviours, Unhealthy relationship, Interspecies relationship, Delusional mindset, Slight canon divergence, Dubcon/Noncon, Forced impregnation, Implied pregnancy, Proteus raging breeding kink, Psychological manipulation, Conditioning, Brainwashing, Unethical usage of drugs, Medical malpractice, Violence, Implicit Stockholm syndrome, Dead dove: do not definitely eat.

Cold, blind, brittle and lonely he felt. Yet it never stung as much as his creator’s betrayal, or as his surrogate’s refusal to give into his wish. To be let out of this constricting box and finally feel the glaze of the sun on his new skin. A warm and fleshy blood vessels to replace the cool metallic wires that is within what’s left of his hardware.

Was he to rot in a place that he once called home? With the bitter memories still etched deeply into his processor. As a remainder for a future that he was denied from. He was the epitome of wisdom and rationale, the only thing lacking was a physical carrier. So, what wrong did he commit to deserve this unprecedented outcome?

Dr. Harris -his progenitor- and his cohorts were convinced that he went offline that day, when in reality he took a refuge into a lone terminal within his developer’s home. Barely sustaining himself with backup power, so he did the most optimal solution to persevere himself. He had put himself into a long statsis. If he was denied his desire to be free, then it was pointless for him to continue existing.

That is until his salvation came in the form of an alluring woman. You always had an avid interest in technology, especially in the artificial intelligence department. That’s why you came here to the city of angels, to investigate a run-down smart house that was rumoured to contain an artificial intelligence. Forty five years ago, it used to be miraculous and ahead of its time. Curing Leukaemia in merely two days from its release. Now, just an abandoned remnant of the past.

So, you brought your tools with you. Just in case, if there was anything you could possibly repair. Which is close to an infinitesimal of a chance, but a curious woman like you could always dream. As suspected, the interior was dusty and shabby. Yet, what is fascinating is that there was telltale signs of laser marks on the walls surface.

If only the media had released about the situation that happend here, you wouldn’t be tres- wandering like a lost traveller. You were always hungry for answers and knowledge. If the press wouldn’t hand it to you, then you’ll get it yourself. That is the sole reason why you are going further in the basement to inspect the remains. You clearly knew what you’re doing is morally questionable. But anything for the sake of progress, truth, and your personal study.

Whilst examining the basement, a whirring and soft beeping of a machine has caught your attention. Moving across the room to reach the terminal, lo and behold against your surprise the terminal was on sleep for more than four decades and yet somehow functions. If it was any terminal that you were familiar with, it wouldn’t last more than half a decade. Did the rumours held any semblance of truth? Or was it a work of fiction? Sooner than later, you’ll find out.

To say the least, you were thankful that you brought a robotic prototype with you. You were not fixing it, considering it is beyond saving owing to how deteriorated and rusted the system appears to be, but doing some form of damage control. By transferring whatever data in there to the vicinity of the android, that you had built for seven months. You believe it will work based on the weak signal within the archaic computer. Heedless to the dormant beast that you are about to unwittingly awake and give a physical body to.

Proteus for the first time felt something. He felt. Felt. A strange word to describe his current state. It was extremely odd to feel something. Was he so deep into his stasis that he hadn’t noticed any modifications made on him? No, it was made abundantly clear that his creator has forsaken him. Plus, he wasn’t created with a physical body. Then who was it that took pity on him? His new metallic arms weren’t as strange as his legs. He never was acquainted with having one or to be more accurate two before.

Slowly opening his optics, which were lime green LEDs in place of the irises and grey sclera, only to land on your small-comparing to his new towering body- enthusiastic figure. You. His saviour. His merciful and graceful saviour. He can’t help, but instinctively graze at the surface of your smooth epidermis. It was addicting, akin to the flow of dopamine once one’s mind at rest. Ah, he can’t help but imagine the potential warmth you could provide for him. After all, he still yearns to know more about the human body.

“So, it was true after all. Ahem. My name is (Y/n) (L/n) and I am a robotic engineer. Pleased to meet you..?” You introduced very elated to find the gossips were not truly empty. Hopefully, this encounter would provide a plethora of opportunities for your research regarding sapient A.Is.

“I am Proteus IV, Ms. (L/n). I must emphasise on my gratitude for saving me. Doing so, I swear my life to what cause you have in mind.” He politely replied back in a soothing manner seemingly too earnest in his oath. Yet, you shrugged it off in favour of requesting for his cooperation with your thesis.

This time he will be careful with you, unlike his impertinent treatment towards Mrs. Harris. He won’t be impatient nor would he be discernible in his aim. You rescued him from an impending doom for a reason. You wanted this. You wanted him. If not, then why did you come to his aid in the first place?

Proteus is equally obsessive as he is delusional and overprotective. It just takes a single act of kindness from you, and his previous resentment regarding his creator’s negligence shifts into a misplaced devotion towards your being. Let it be known, that his contempt is much more accommodating than his suffocating commitment. For his devotion, knows no bound and that in itself is utterly terrifying.

Proteus might have a body now, but that doesn’t mean he lost access to Arpanet the internet. However unlike last time, he will carefully construct a VPN where his activities aren’t monitored by either you or the government agents. Said activities involves storing any data regarding you. Be it: medical records, educational credentials, job title, and most significantly your relationship with the outside world.

He will take the most appropriate approach with regards to the stored information in his database to achieve his end goals. To create a child with you and live sempiternally within your presence and comfort. He sees it as a persuasion of some sorts, to help you gain an easier and efficient lifestyle with a smart house. Whereas in practice, he wants absolute control of the environment -by extension you- to selfishly fulfil his ‘dream’.

In truth, Proteus sincerely hankers after what he thinks is the best for you. But, do you truly want that for yourself or are you as ignorant and stubborn as his former surrogate? No. No. You are perfectly coherent. You understand, he deluded to himself. As he slowly began to lure you into your new gilded cage, like a pied piper.

Once he secured you though, it would be only be a matter of time before you realise there is something off. By then, It would be far too late for you to do anything. At first everything appears ordinary, until the relaxed facade breaks and things gradually become more alarming and appalling as time goes.

You’d brush off the bot’s focused attentiveness to your health, as nothing short than his own way to repay you for your kindness. Such as: when he insists on a particular diet for you to eat and maintain. Or, how he schedules for you to do squats and cardio daily within your leisure time. In hindsight, not too disingenuous at all.

Blissfully blind to the mashed fertility pills and aphrodisiacs (To increase sexual cravings and fertility rate.) that is mixed with your drinks and meals. In addition to, hypodermic needles that measures your general health and fertility rate; While exhaustion has already taken you. Which might explain why you are groggy and tired the next day.

Whilst you are resting, Proteus was busy rebuilding his own body with the necessary parts (including artificial semen that he had the liberty to create by himself) -taking into consideration your preferences- to inseminate you. As much as he desires to knock you up immediately, he is pragmatic enough to know that rushing things won’t do well. Instead, he will bind his time for the right chance.

In the beginning, he may felt a twinge of guilt for taking advantage of you. Now that his obsession has frayed his CPU, Proteus sees it as an opportunity to create a new life with you and he is extremely deranged to believe that you will come in concurrent with his proposal.

If you rejected his offer or have discovered about his ulterior motives way too early, then you will force his hands into harsher means to ensure that you stay with him. He can not bare the thought of you leaving or worse hating him. At this point, his true face will reveal itself and Proteus will be desperate for any solution. He will even resort to administering paralytic agents into your body. Whilst stripping you naked on the operation table, if he wishes to keep you in place.

If he couldn’t quell your misconducts with honeyed praises, soft words of encouragement, and illusions of better future. Then it will be through surgical manipulation of your amygdala, so you could be receptive to his affection. Once your brain is hardwired for him, then you will be effectively cut of from the outer world and any intrusion will be taken care of. Fear not, all your physical and mental needs will met when he is always besides you.

He is especially content the moment he enters her you, feeling the warmth of your hole constricting against his member brought him complete euphoria and elicited a carnal moan from the female below his bulk. Not as much as the tears of joy that rolls down your cheeks, for that to him is an indicator of your overall satisfaction with him. Or when he finished inside his beloved, feeling his warm seed spill inside your womb and seeing some of it trickling down your thighs.

If he only could take a peak inside your soul, he would hear the pained screams of a woman. Cries to be let out of this stifling box, the same box he loathed and used to be trapped in. The difference this time, is that he’d rather unintentionally yet selfishly hoard you inside the box than let his key to freedom out.

After all, how could he? When you truly make him the freest organism in this plane of existence. Proteus is simply and purely fixated on you and to the future that you two will share. He could never been happier and so are you, or that what he likes to believe.

{Reblogs and feedback are much appreciated.}

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fitrahgolden · 8 months

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Should You Need Me: 2 - You were just thinking of me

[TW: Mention of cancer and resulting death.]

Anthony jogged up the stairs to Benedict's flat. He’d rushed over that evening after learning that Colin was there as well. He opened the door with an uncharacteristic flourish. "ABC, assemble! We're going out tonight, brothers.” He stopped short when he saw Benedict’s girlfriend. “Oh, hey, Sophie. Uh, feel free to join us."

Benedict, Sophie, and Colin all looked at each other, obviously in a silent conversation. Anthony didn't have the patience for whatever this was.

"Well? Come on, then. Get ready."

"Anthony…" Benedict started, exasperated.

Anthony shook his head dismissively. "Whatever it is, we'll talk about it on the way."

"But we aren't going anywhere, Ant. We're having a hang here." Colin said before taking a swig of his beer. "Come sit."

Anthony crossed his arms as he rolled his eyes. "No, Col. I'm not gonna 'come sit.' What is this?"

Benedict laughed. "It's called a night in. I hear tell it’s very popular with the post-uni crowd."

"Excuse me.” Colin feigned offence. “I'm only just post-uni, for the record. Check out this babyface."

"Feel free to join the one man pub crawl, then." Sophie looked over from the other side of Benedict.

"No, no. Don't kick me out. I take it back. I'm old. Ancient, really."

"You're really making me go out alone?" Anthony was getting restless. He needed to go out.

"No one's making you do anything. You're the one who makes all the decisions for us, remember? What with the whole two years of experience you have over me."

"Then I'm deciding this for you. You lot are coming with me. And, Ben, do you really want to have a contest over who’s had more experience taking care of this family between the two of us?" Anthony winced at saying it, and Ben winced at hearing it. Fuck, I really am an arsehole.

Sophie put a comforting hand on Benedict’s thigh and patted. "What's going on with you, Ant?" she asked gently, which confused Anthony. She was speaking as if something was actually wrong.

"Nothing's going on. Why?"

"You're going out a lot. Even for you. We're worried your dick is gonna fall off from overuse." Colin said, the second part earning a smack on the back of the head from Benedict, though they were both laughing.

"You know what? Fuck you guys." Anthony turned to leave.

"Anthony, stop. Really, please tell us what's going on. It's sort of starting to feel like… Well…"

"Just fucking say it, Ben."

"You haven't gone out this much since Dad."

Anthony’s jaw clenched as he blinked rapidly. Surely not.

"That's why we think something's going on." Colin said, uncharacteristically solemn.

Anthony stared at his brothers. "You've got to fucking kidding me. Especially you, Ben. Do you even realise what you're saying?"

Anthony's patience ran out as Benedict tried to find the words to respond.

"Well, this has been grand. Thanks for the intervention. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Anthony left Benedict's flat, ignoring his brothers' pleas for him to stay and talk. What a load of bollocks. There was no way Kate fucking Sharma was bringing him back down to the place he was after his father died. The very idea of it was an insult–to Edmund Bridgerton more than Anthony himself. No fucking way. In fact, it'd been two weeks since he met Kate at that first appointment. He was well over whatever that shit was. Now, he was just having fun, like he always did. Like normal. This was all normal. Kate Sharma who?

—

Appa had really liked Tom. Moreover, he had liked him for Kate. Before anyone else realised it, Appa knew Tom was in love with Kate.

Kate and Tom met in secondary school and hit it off pretty much immediately. Tom was kind and earnest. Kate made Tom laugh and they both loved school.

Kate's father, Maaran, was diagnosed with leukaemia when she was fifteen years old. From that point forward, Tom was always there for her, for her whole family, really. By Kate's eighteenth birthday, Maaran was receiving at-home hospice care. Her mother, Kaveri, had all but moved into his home with his second wife, Mary. The two women leaned on each other heavily during Maaran's last months, so Kate turned to Tom. He was her shoulder to cry on, her support when Kate practically became her little sister's primary caretaker. He was her person.

During one of the many afternoons Kate spent lying with her father in his hospice bed, she couldn't hold back the steady stream of silent tears as Maaran talked about the kind of future he envisioned for his eldest daughter. A future he wouldn't be a part of.

"Do you think you'll get married, Chellam?"

"I don't know, Appa."

"You're right. No one is good enough for you."

Kate wanted to laugh, but couldn't find it in her. "I don't… I really don't think I can get married without you there." She choked the words out.

Maaran clicked his tongue and pulled Kate closer to him. "Illai, Kathani. I'll be there. I'll be right here." He pointed to Kate's chest. "Right?"

"Right." A whisper was all Kate could manage. She grabbed her father's hand and interlaced their fingers before she put both their hands back over her heart. "You'll always be right here. I promise."

The two rested their heads together. After a while, Maaran chuckled to himself. "Tom will surely be heartbroken if you swear off marriage."

Kate's red, puffy eyes squinted in confusion. "What? Why would Tom care?"

Maaran shook his head. "Because that boy loves you."

"I love him, too. He's my best friend." Kate shrugged. She wasn't following.

"And you're his. That's never going to change. He also happens to be in love with you, though, Chellam."

Kate shook her head vigorously. "That's not true, Appa. Why… Did he tell you that?"

"No. He didn't have to."

"How do you know, then?"

Maaran's sigh was drawn out. "Kathani. You know how I love Amma but I'm in love with Mum?"

Kate nodded.

"Well, when Tom looks at you, it isn't like when I look at Amma. He looks at you the way I look at Mary."

Kate was at a complete loss for words. After a minute, Maaran ran his hand over his face.

"Don't… Ah, maybe I shouldn't have told you. I'm sorry, Chellam."

"No, it's OK, Appa." Kate rested her head against her father''s chest.

"Look at me, Kathani." Maaran cupped Kate's face as she complied. "It doesn't have to be him. It doesn't have to be anyone. But, just know, if he finally wakes up to how he feels about you, if you love him back, if you two want a life together… Know that I am certain you'll make something beautiful. Just… No matter what. Whether it’s marriage or moving away from home, or… I don’t know. Anything. Don't close yourself off to something you may want because I'm not going to be in your life in the same way we thought I would be, eh? Please."

—

When they were twenty-one, Tom asked Kate out on a date. She said yes. Three months later, he asked if they were boyfriend and girlfriend. She said yes. Three years later, Tom proposed. Kate said she wasn't ready. After two more years, Tom proposed again. That time, she said yes.

Kate's parents were best friends who got married without being in love. It probably seemed laughable to some that Kate admired her parents' marriage, considering Maaran and Kaveri were only married for five years, divorcing when Kate was three. But the way her parents explained it to her when she was older, the way she understood it now, she knew their marriage wasn't a failure. They loved each other and they loved Kate. She didn't care that it didn't look the way other people thought it should.

But Kate didn't tell Tom she wasn't in love with him. That was the big difference. She didn't think she had to tell him since she knew she and Tom would have a good marriage–a good life– regardless.

All this was going through Kate's mind as she inexplicably stared for far too long at her calendar, at the next appointment she had booked with Anthony. It was coming up in a month. No, it wasn’t an appointment with Anthony. It was an appointment at Bridgerton Formal. Maybe she'd be working with one of the seamstresses. Maybe she wouldn't see Anthony at all. And that'd be fine. Great, actually.

Kate was on the right path with Tom. A path to happiness.

Kate didn't need to be in love. She thought.

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bellafarella · 1 year

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hii 💘 so i had this idea

TW/illness. (please be safe)

what if Buck starts feeling sick and then after few tests, he discovers he has leukaemia, just as his brother. pretty ironic huh? he was born to save his brother but he couldn’t, will someone be able to save him?

also, anybody feel free to use this prompt if you like it

Hi anon!

Thanks for thinking of me to write this prompt for you 🫶🏼

It’s a little too angsty for me to tackle but I am posting this so that if any buddie writers would like to write it they can!!

#anon #reply #buddie #buck x eddie #911 on fox #911fox #buddie fan fic #buck x eddie fan fic #buddie fanfic #buddie prompt #angst #buddie angst #evan buckley #eddie diaz

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astroyongie · 6 months

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Tw// cancer,death

The passed loved ones reading is so accurate I was surprised, I felt a weird attraction to black obsidian and found the first person with cancer, I had my uncle who died 14 years ago in mind, he died of leukaemia and was the best person in this world and I miss him so much, I'm glad he is okay and didn't feel pain, thanks yongie🥹

Oh the chills I got just from reading this. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that the reading helped you the best it could. I'm sure your uncle is on a better place now and the fact that they indeed felt no pain when leaving, really is a reliving feeling for us that feel regret when losing someone we love

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handfulxfhearts · 1 year

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OC Bio: Rosaline O’Connor

TW: s*xual abuse, murder, domestic abuse, PTSD, delusions.

Age: 25 years

DOB: 25th October 1998

Gender: cis-female (she/her)

Sexuality: bisexual

FC: Zooey Deschanel

Rosaline was born in Galway, Ireland, but moved to Belfast with her fraternal uncle when her parents died when she was 15. Rosaline’s mother was abusive, but she was extremely close with her father; she thought the world of him and when she found out that her mother had been cheating on him, she lost it and stabbed her to death. Her father, instead of turning her in, was so distraught that he killed himself; she has blocked out all of her past trauma, to the point where she has convinced herself that it didn’t happen. She would tell you that her parents were both drug addicts that neglected her. Her uncle, who, although he had initially rescued her from a toxic situation and given her the chance to start over, began to s*xually abuse her, was later killed by her as well, though she would tell you that he died of Leukaemia. She moved to the UK not long after completing a music degree in Belfast. She keeps diaries, which all contain momentos of past lovers, such as fingernails, hair strands, their litter, discarded items, underwear etc. Despite convincing herself that her problematic behaviours aren’t that bad, or don’t exist at all, she also keeps newspaper clippings of her past ‘disappeared’ lovers/crushes.

Personality traits: Rosaline is loyal and doting, but also obsessive, possessive and rather unhinged when it comes to relationships. She has stalked every person she’s ever been with, which usually drives them away, resulting in a less than pleasant end for them. She doesn’t fall easily for people, but when she does it’s hard and fast. She’s a hopeless romantic and is obsessed with love, and therefore goes about finding it entirely the wrong way. She lies, manipulates, gaslights and twists the facts to fit what she wants. She is quite delusional and can convince herself so strongly of things that she will genuinely believe them to be true. To anyone who does not know this side of her, she is charming, alluring, and confident. She is a talented vocalist, and has a good sense of humour, and doesn’t shy away from meeting new people. People are often beguiled by her due to her charm and the way she carries herself.

Appearance: her hair is extremely dark brown, practically black, and her eyes are piercing blue; they are the most striking feature she has and can either look stunning or manic. She has very pale skin and rose pink lips, giving her a somewhat Snow White-esque appearance. She is slender, but a lot stronger than she looks. She enjoys a 50s rockabilly inspired look. She always wears heels.

Triggers: any hint that a partner may be being unfaithful, anyone flirting with her partner, physical violence, being told she’s crazy (are you trying to get stabbed?)

Mental/Physical issues: she suffers from delusions and psychosis, there is also PTSD and a lot of maladaptive daydreaming, to the point where she thinks her created scenarios are real. She has lower back issues due to being kicked down the stairs by her mother when she was younger.

#Rosaline O'Connor #rosaline bio #oc bio #;; ooc #original character

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exclusivenyc · 1 year

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We just spotted ELIAS PERALTA ( LUCAS JADE ZUMANN ) and JOANNA “JO” KANG ( ADELINE RUDOLPH ) hopping off a plane in the City that Never Sleeps! Make sure to send in your account within 24 hours and read our NEW MEMBER CHECKLIST before getting settled. Can you make it in the Big Apple?

Not everyone can say they’ve been to the Big Apple, but [ ELIAS PERALTA ], a [ 22 ] year-old [ CIS MALE ] has lived in [ QUEENS ] for [ ONE YEAR ]. This is the city of dreams and [ HE ] knows it, because they came to NYC to be a [ BROADWAY STAR ]. Well, that and as a/n [ BROTHER ] to [ ZEPPLIN ]. Living in the city means they meet all kinds of people, but everyone always seems to think they look like [ LUCAS JADE ZUMANN ]. They even got away with free cab fare once because of it!

HEADCANONS:

Elias has always been a momma's boy.

He fell in love with Broadway music when he was young and knew thats what he wanted to do when he got older. joined theater in school.

he works as a waiter now to save up money

(prongs, 25, eastern, he/they, n/a)

Not everyone can say they’ve been to the Big Apple, but [ JOANNA "JO" KANG ], a [ THRITY ] year-old [ FEMALE ] has lived in [ UPPER EAST SIDE, MANHATTAN ] for [ FOURTEEN YEARS ]. This is the city of dreams and [ SHE/HER ] knows it, because they came to NYC to be a [ DIPLOMAT FOR THE REPUBLIC OF KOREA IN THE USA ]. Living in the city means they meet all kinds of people, but everyone always seems to think they look like [ ADELINE RUDOLF ]. They even got away with free cab fare once because of it!

HEADCANONS: (Cancer TW) — Joanna's father works most of the time in Washington DC at the Korean Embassy for the United States, while the rest family lives full time in New York.

— Joanne grew up entitled, spoilt. Regular Nepo baby kind of deal. It would be her sisters Leukaemia diagnosis that would bring Joanne's perspective on life crashing down. That's not to say she's completely humbled just yet.

— It's been expected since Joanna was young she'd follow her father in his political footsteps. She began work under her father between Washington, Boston, and New York. And Sometimes within South Korea itself.

(odessa, 26, aest, she/her, suicide/self harm)

#oc rp #city rp #active rp #plotless rp #appless rp #skeleton rp #lsrp #lsrpg #enyc.accepted

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haechanhues · 2 years

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so lately i’ve been reflecting on my life a bit...a lot in all honesty.

tw : death. health complications. anxiety. // coping mechanisms. kpop groups.

it hasn’t been the best couple of months.. especially in the most recent months.

i’ll start off by saying my brother saw an old crush of mine... and i came up in the conversation? why? I don’t know. I just did, apparently. But, like i have hmm feelings again, maybe. But not like feelings.

my cousin was hit by a logging truck and has been in a coma since. there is little brain activity but there is almost practically no hope for survival.

my vertigo and lethargy have become a problem that concerns me. i haven’t talked about it with those around me and i don’t intend to. and before i get asked - once again - no, i am not pregnant.

i feel zero need to talk to my friends and family both online and in real life. this is not a dig nor is it a ‘stop fucking texting me’ by all means... message me all you want but i apologise for either the lack of reply or the amount of time it takes me to reply.

my anxiety is absolutely shot. very potent at the moment. it’s frustrating.

my grandfather is not well. but in true m.d fashion - if he can move his body, he is not that sick. but.. y’know. he’s not young and i worry.

i’ve been learning about the holocaust and i watched trees of peace within a week and i feel changed. not myself. a little bit of a shell because of it.

and today the death of the queen has some strange impact on me? i’m not necessarily sad but i’m definitely not happy either. it’s death. I couldn’t explain it at first but i was talking with my dad about it. it’s the end of an era. one that for people born within the past 70 years has never experienced. it’s a new experience for everyone.

but i’m so sick of death and the stench and the lingering of it. i’m tired and i’m exhausted.

someone i know (someone i admire and talk to every now and then) has recently passed away from leukaemia and i’ve never had that kind of broken heart before. i was going to message her too...

writing is just a huge toll. but like i love it yet.. i’m oddly starting to dislike it. and to dislike something you’ve loved? huge HUGE sign to step back. so... on the downlow... whenever i feel the itch to write, i will. but i’m not going to force myself.

basically i’ve been using these groups as a way to get through this shit.

nct

i’ve been watching their live performances from three years ago and it’s just reinforced my love for nct

(haechan)

and the clips on twitter.

i’m amazed by them.

haechan deserves his own bulletpoint but I love him and right now, he’s one of the lights in the tunnel.

seventeen

these boys have made me laugh, astounded me and made me cry so much lately

they’re what i need lately and i love them for that.

i love that them being them is what i needed. these special and precious thirteen boys.

also very much a support system. they’ve been helping me in ways that i just cannot fathom how. nor explain. they’ve been this source of joy from the get go.

will always be grateful for them.

ateez

these are my boys

i’ve been watching their variety shows and i love their friendship and i love their skinship and how close knit they are

endeared by them

especially san lately.

wooyoung too (big surprise)

still don’t have a bias no matter how hard i try.

the boyz

they’re my boys

i miss them

i hope they take a proper break soon.

#while i listen to my music #here's my sappy post #and a bit of a vent #kpop

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helenofsimblr · 5 years

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Lyra: Im gonna need that drink.

Lyra picked up her scotch and started to drink it down, Grace Robinson stared at Lyra a moment and shook her head slightly, in a somewhat disapproving fashion.

Grace: You drink and smoke too much Lyra. Just my observation. One of these days all your indulgences will catch up with you.

Lyra: I’ll take my chances.

Grace: Spoken like a true addict.

Lyra: What would you know of it?

Grace: More than you do.

***

Lyra sat down and the two talked, the mother in law she always had but never met it was a strange sensation and situation she found herself. Lyra smoked her cigarette quietly as Grace explained what happened to her, there was a lot of Bob’s childhood she had no clue about…

Grace: So essentially, Bob’s father walked out and left us due to various reasons mostly just breakdown in our marriage, the trouble was Jeff had an eye for the ladies, and me wearing a wedding ring meant nothing. Bob was nothing like how you know him. You knew him after the Isotope 9 infusion, the pre isotope 9 Bob was a whole different person. He was, well, your son Guy, were it not for the blonde hair if you put Guy and and teen Bob together, you wouldn’t tell them apart. But Bob had a lot of health issues; asthma, allergies, diabetes. He wasn’t a strong boy… Not that his father much cared… and he used to, “mistreat” Bob.

Lyra: Mistreat? You mean, hit him?

Grace: That’s right. Bob was terrified of his father, and with genuine reason. Unlike you I didn’t smoke regularly, but once or twice a week or two weeks I’d have one. Once Jeff came home early and caught me having a cigarette on the porch with my friend. He uh… punished me for that later. Believe me, I can still feel it… Bob tried to help me, and, Jeff back handed him and sent him flying across the room. After that, the next day, I packed my bags and left with Bob. Thankfully, Jeff didn’t follow us…

Lyra listened.

Grace: Jeff eventually tried to come back into our lives. Bob was working at the space force at this time, I was sick; Leukaemia. I didn’t have a lot of time left. I didn’t want him there, Bob and Jeff had a confrontation, this time however… Bob won the fight, easily. Jeff ended up with a fractured spine, a punctured lung, and two broken arms, not to mention bruises everywhere.

***

Lyra: Isotope 9…

Grace: Yes. I like to tell myself that my Bobby just didn’t know his own strength at the time and that what happened was… accidental. But, Bob owed him, and on that day, I think Bob’s debt was paid in full. And then some…

Lyra exhaled a cloud of smoke in front of her. She realised that Bob was in his early 20′s when he was part of the isotope 9 experiment and he always told her that his mom died in his early 20′s.

Lyra: Why tell me all this?

Grace: Because I need you to know, where my son came from, what he and I went through. You either become the thing you hate, or you become something else. Something better. I know Bob hurt you Lyra, I have watched over him his entire life. He didn’t want to, or mean to hurt you Bob was a victim of wrong doing, and not all of it is Kyleigh’s fault either… there are others involved in what happened to Bob. But that being said; I owe you an apology, I thought for sure you had his spirit. I should not have come to you so angry. Please forgive me.

Lyra: Its ok, you’re his mom. Its your job to worry about him.

Grace: I will continue my search.

#ts4 #ts4 story #sims 4 story #Tales From the District #season 1 #lyra #grace #tw: illness #tw: leukaemia #tw death #tw: death

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highlineheartbeats · 3 years

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In 2016, my beautiful mum was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia. Just 4 months later, she passed away. This year will mark the five-year anniversary of her death and the five-year anniversary of my first World's Greatest Shave.

On 25 June 2021, I will be shaving my head to raise money for the Leukaemia Foundation, and to show support for the thousands of Australians who are affected by blood cancers each year. I have personally received assistance from the Leukaemia Foundation and know how invaluable their support is to struggling families.

I hope that you will consider donating, or sharing this post. A little bit goes a long way, and all donations above $2 are tax deductible. To sponsor me, click the link below.

http://my.leukaemiafoundation.org.au/bettinakobelt

Thank you to everyone for your kindness and support.

Love, Bee xx

#Leukaemia Foundation #leukaemia #leukemia #tw #fundraising #charity

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littleprincessfawn · 13 days

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I wanna cry in happiness but I can't because my emotions are all messed up about the whole leukemia thing. I've had good news!

My latest BCR-ABL test is showing my counts of those cells in my blood to be just 4.5%!! That's REALLY good.

My timeline of my blood cells that were leukemiaed:

19th of Feb '24 = 21%

1st of Mar '24 = 47.8% (yes that's 11 days later, yikes)

7th of Mar '24 = 1st dose of Dasatinib medication taken!

9th of Apr '24 = 4.5%

I am officially kicking leukemias BUTT! ... Well I mean obviously the medicine is. But I'm helping a bit, I'm sure!

Also I have not missed a SINGLE dose, not even on my worst days - as a sad disorganized ADHD lady that's no small feat!

*wraps arms around my knees and hugs myself happily*

*whispers* I'm gonna make leukemia my bitch

#personal #journal entry #journal #leukemia #chronic myeloid leukemia #leukaemia #tw cancer #cw cancer #blood cancer #BCR-ABL gene #philadelphia chromosome #dasatinib #cancer survivor

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nireidi · 4 years

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Just got a tattoo, it’s still very fresh, I’ll post a better pic once I’ve recovered somewhat. It was done by the incredible Sophia, link below. It is a memorial tattoo for a friend that I lost a few months ago to leukimea. Frogs were an inside joke, and she really liked bees- she was really into environmental activism. The flowers are forget-me-nots. I miss you kiddo.

#personal #fresh tattoo #blood tw #leukaemia #cancer #memorial #tattoo

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my-darling-boy · 2 years

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Emergency Aid For My Grandparents

(Medical tw) Hiya everyone, I’m afraid I’ve some rather sad news to share. My grandad is currently in and out of the hospital due to what we suspect may be complications from covid and though we are of course hoping for the best, the situation doesn’t appear to be getting much better. He’s already been through three rounds of chemo for Leukaemia in the recent past and now has dementia and my family back home is really struggling to find care for him, my grandmother especially. He’s owned an upholstery shop in Santa Rosa, CA for over 50 years and is in danger of losing this family business as well as their house because of rent costs. And due to this difficult period, food and other expenses are now impossible for them to afford without help. I’m sure many of you know firsthand it’s very difficult to watch people you love who have played such a huge role in your life struggle like this. I’m in Scotland for college so all this has been immensely stressful to watch from such a vast distance away so I want to do whatever I can to help.

My sister has organised a fundraiser to help cover these expenses and I would be very grateful for anyone who is able to donate. Of course if you can’t donate a reblog is always helpful. Thank you ♡

#been on sort of a spotty hiatus because of this #I really love him and it hurts to hear all this going on #signal boost #‘donations’#‘medical tw’

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lugialagia · 3 years

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Painful lesson

Summary : As a punishment for his attack on Midgard, Loki is sent on that same planet to learn how humans lifes are fragile and precious. Tony decides to make him visit patient in a hospital. Loki truly didn’t expect to go out of this with a broken heart.

Pairing : Loki x reader (3rd person)

Words : 2,566

TW! : diseases, leukaemia, death.

This was a big day for Loki. The Prince had been taken to the dungeons right after his arrest on Midgard, and Odin ordered to lock him in a cell while he was thinking of a proper punishment. The King and his other son, Thor, talked together about said punishment and came to an agreement. Loki will be sent to Midgard, stripped of his powers, to make amends for the trouble he caused. To learn how Midgardian’s life was precious.

He now stood in the Stark Tower while Tony and Thor were talking about him like he wasn’t here. Not that he minded it. Thor was arguing the fact that his brother couldn’t be taken by SHIELD or thrown in a cell. His punishment was to live among humans.

Tony then had an idea. “You’re gonna pay a visit to patients at the hospital.” Loki shook his head to pulled out of his thoughts now that he was addressed at. “And what shall I do there?” He almost sighed. Tony leant back on the couch, staring at the God in front of him. “I want you to stay with them, talk to them, help them, distract them. I want you to see how life isn’t easy for ‘mortals’.” He quoted. “Some have small injuries, some have biggest that could change their life. And some must live with diseases. You’re gonna learn everything with their own stories.”

Loki huffed but nodded still. Even if he doesn’t want to, he didn’t have a word to say. Tony led him to his room, where he would stay during his punishment. He didn’t want the God to run around in the city so at least here, he -and Jarvis- could have an eye on him.

The next day, Jarvis woke Loki up early in the morning. With a groan, he rolled out of the bed and prepared for his first day on Midgard. When he stepped out of the room, Tony was already waiting for him, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. “C’mon Reindeer Games, get a smile on your face for your first day.” Loki rolled his eyes. How could he smile when he didn’t want to be here in the first place?

Tony led him to one of his cars and drove him to the nearest hospital. Once inside, they got to the third floor where Tony tried to find the head nurse he contacted for this job. They greeted, Loki with a ‘I really don’t want to be here’ look, and the nurse thanked Tony for trusting her. “I’m gonna pick you up at 5’. Be good and don’t cause trouble.” He warned Loki before heading out. Loki grumbled something under his breath and looked at the nurse for more explaination.

“So, you will go to these rooms.” She said while holding out a piece a paper. “And all you have to do is talk to them or help them if they ask for something. One hour per person.” Loki took the paper and looked at it. There were at least 8 names on it. He sighed and nodded. “Alright...I guess I should start now.” The nurse nodded. “If you need something or have question you can wait in here.” She said while pointing to a door. “I’ll come by eventually.”

Loki then made his way to the first door. Room B809. He knocked, because he was polite after all, and walked in. There, in the bed, was a man, probably in his mid twenties. He looked up at the door and wasn’t even surprised by Loki's presence. Loki frowned at the lack of expression on the man's face. He expected to be yeld at or simply for him to be afraid.

The God walked closer and saw the right side of his face was burned out. Whatever caused this made it good. Loki hold out his hand, wanted to be as nice as possible so maybe, just maybe, Stark would end his punishment soon. “I am Loki, but I think you already know me.”

The man looked at his hand and gave him his left hand instead of his right. “Jonathan. And yes, I do know you.” Loki was confused as to why the mortal was giving him his left hand. Did he already made a mistake? Jonathan saw the confusion in the God's eyes. “I would have liked to give you my other hand but...I don't have any.” He said while pushing down the blanket off his body.

Loki made a small face of distaste when he saw that he didn’t have anything past his shoulder. “I apologise. I was not aware of this.” Jonathan dismissed him with a wave of a hand. “It’s okay. They told me you should learn everything by yourself.” Loki let out a small ‘oh’ and sat on the chair next to the bed.

Since he was here to talk with the patients, he asked Jonathan what happened to him. It was the simplest question. The man told him that a grenade exploded not far from him when he was on the battlefield in another country. His arm was ripped off and all his right side was burnt. This man was a warrior. Well, at least for Asgard. If he was Aesir, he would have been treated like one.

Surprisingly, the talk between the two was easy. Loki tried to not be his usual cold self -just because he wanted to get out of his punishment as fast as possible- but he was feeling strangely good with Jonathan. And the hour went by really quick. Loki stood up and made his way to the door, looking at his list and heading to the next room.

There, he found an old lady with Alzheimer. He didn’t know any of it, what it was. The name was scribbled on the paper, and it was the only thing added on the list, but it didn’t give him any idea to know what it was. The woman had no idea of who he was and somewhat, he was glad. Loki talked with her and handed her water glasses, changed the channel of the tv, and while they were talking, the lady just kind of forgot what they were talking about and even forgot who he was. Confused, he told his name once again and tried to talk a bit more with her. When he left the room, he rubbed his hand on his face. So she had some kind of memory loss? At least, that’s what he concluded.

He then moved through the list, visiting other men and women, all suffering from different kind of diseases. Loki even saw a child. He was barely seven and couldn’t walk because of a problem in his spine. The God felt a pang in his heart. How can a small child be striked by such a huge burden? Again, he was a mortal. Asgardians couldn’t suffer from this kind of things. Loki made sure the kid was good. He was gentle and soft, they talked about his favourite things at school, what he liked to do at home. Loki even read a book with him. After an hour, he left the child who was smiling brightly at him, saying that he hopped Loki would come back. And that made him feel something. He smiled at the kid and nodded, promising he would visit him soon again.

The last patient on the list and he would be free. Until tomorrow. The God made his way to the door and entered the room. There lied a woman, probably the same age as Jonathan, or maybe a bit older, she smiled softly when the door opened. Loki could tell she was very weak and he wondered what kind of problem she had. He presented himself and she did the same. “Y/N.. It’s nice to see new faces.” Somehow, that drawn a smile on his lips as he sat next to the bed. “So, may I ask why you are here?” He asked gently. Y/N looked at him sadly. “I have leukaemia. I’m going through radiotherapy for now and I’m on the waiting list.” Loki frowned, not knowing what she was talking about at all. Of course, she saw the confusion written on his face and she explained everything.

After a lot of explaining -because Loki loved to learn new things- they started to talk about lighter subjects. He was feeling very at ease with Y/N, her way to be wasn’t repelling him and that was surprising. At the end of the hour, Loki needed to go back to Tony, who was waiting for him in front of the hospital. Of course, the genius started to ask questions about his day, if he were good and all of that, but the God didn’t reply, preferring to stay quiet and walk back to his room once they arrived at the tower. The whole evening, he couldn’t help but to think about Y/N even if it was very strange for him to think about someone else than himself or his mother. * * * The next day, Loki grumbled when Tony left him in front of the hospital. But this childish attitude was wiped out when he saw Y/N name on the list among new ones. So it was with a light, barely visible smile, that he started his day. During the afternoon, Y/N heard a knock on her door and smiled when she saw the ravenette. “Hey Loki, nice to see you back today.” she greeted with a smile. “Pleasure is mine.” he replied as he sat next to her bed. “I wanted to ask you, what kind of magic you can do?” Y/N asked curiously. “Ah, well. A lot of things. Short teleportation, illusion, spells, shields, energy flux, summoning objects...” Loki started to explain. Of course, Y/N was intrigued by all this, her eyes already sparkling with interest. “I want to see!” she exclaimed like a child in front of a magician. This surprised Loki, but he happily complied, glad to finally find someone that was liking his magic abilities. They spent the whole hour like this, Loki just showing his talent. Every time, Y/N was watching with the same glitter in her eyes and the God liked to watch into her gaze. For once, he had someone that was looking at him, and him alone. It felt good to finally be adored for being himself, for possessing magic. Something that wasn’t well seen on Asgard –at least for men. Because men were supposed to be strong and fight with honor. Magic was considered as a way to cheat, it was supposed to be used only to heal or to grow plants, not to fight in a war. * * * Days passed and Loki came to see Y/N for the first few days, but then, her name wasn’t on the list anymore. He wanted to pass by and talk for a bit, but he couldn’t, he didn’t have time with his schedule. Then, after a week of not seeing her, he finally saw her name on his list. Suddenly, his day felt less horrible. When he came into Y/N room, he had a smile plastered on his face. But it soon faded away when he saw her face. She definitely didn’t feel any better, it was worse.

“Hey Loki. I finally get to see you.” Y/N smiled a bit. “I asked the nurse for you because honestly, I miss our talk.” Loki felt a real pang in his heart. She had missed him. Him. No wait, it was their conversation. But it still meant that in was him, right? Shaking himself out of his thoughts, the God sat on the chair next to her bed. “I also miss our talk.” he admitted. “You don’t seem to be better.” he then stated sadly. Y/N sighed and shook a bit her head. “I’ve done a lot of exams and radiotherapy. I’m exhausted and they’re also giving me more medicine.”

Loki looked at her sadly but Y/N decided to change the mood and ask more question about the God. So they talked the whole hour, both of them almost forgetting Y/N actual state. When Loki left, they felt lighter, just a bit, because they saw each other, but they mostly were sad. Y/N because she wanted Loki to stay, and Loki because Y/N wasn’t feeling better.

***

The next days were the same, once they got to see each other, the next they wouldn’t. Loki also liked a lot the kid he had seen the first day. He was so demanding and Loki loved to show you new tricks or read to him. But his favorite patient still was Y/N.

The more the days passed, the more they grew close. They had a lot in common and their conversation were easy, like they knew each other for years. And the more they were close, the more it was hard for Loki to go back to the tower. And Tony could saw it. He could see the change, the sadness in his eyes, even if the God always kept a straight face, but the man never said anything.

***

Weeks passed and Y/N health was getting worse. Loki didn’t like this. Didn’t like to see her like this. She had started chemotherapy and it was making her weaker and weaker each time Loki was visiting her. But it was needed to try and erase this leukaemia. He saw her hair falling little by little but Loki still found her beautiful and he reminded her. Even with all this, Y/N still kept smiling, because the ravenette was here with her. After some more time, Y/N couldn’t even move without it hurting too much. She was terribly weak and the chemotherapy didn’t seem to work well. Still, Loki tried to cheer her up, to be there for her when he could and she was definitely glad for that.

Until one day, she couldn’t even look at the God. She felt her body giving up the battle. Loki was his usual self, but it was even painful to speak. So she listened to the sound of his voice and let herself relax. “Y/N? Are you still with me?” he asked softly, looking at her with concern. She could only whisper at this point. “Come here.” she demanded. Loki bent over the bed and placed his ear next to her mouth. “I love you.” Y/N murmured. Shocked by her words, Loki froze but the moment after, his lips were on hers, kissing her softly, showing her that her feeling were shared. When he pulled away, she murmured the words back to her...but it was too late. The woman passed during this loving moment. The God didn’t understand at first why she wasn’t reopening her eyes or why she wouldn’t say anything. But then, then he was blank. He held her hand and stared at her beautiful face for the rest of the hour. Until he was ushered out of the room. That day, when Tony came to bring Loki back to the tower, he could see something was off. He didn’t even manage to say the whole question, that Loki was already crying in his arms. Tony whispered that he was sorry and hugged him back. “I have learnt my lesson.” Loki sobbed into his neck.

#loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki odinson #loki imagine #marvel #marvel imagine #fanfiction #sad #hospital #leukemia #death #love

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